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randomwriteronline · 7 months ago

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Bionicle and Plato's Cave: Mata Nui help us Random has been thinking again

HI. MY BRAIN HAS ONCE AGAIN BEEN SCRAMBLED. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

A thing about stories is that there aren't really fully, one-hundred percent original ones. This is not a bad thing, it just happens.

Stories keep repeating one another whether we like it or not, maintaining their own identities through a variety of changes, and Bionicle repeats many, many stories within itself: you've got Polynesian mythos, fantasy epics, dystopian fiction, cosmic horrors, torahic and/or biblical episodes, a subversion of Pinocchio, an Odissey cut short... The works. I'm half certain one would manage to fit some parts of the Divine Comedy in there, probably.

But speaking of deeply allegorical works, the Organic Annal is that too - specifically bearing a resemblance to one of Greek philosopher Plato's most famous allegorical myths, that of the cave.

For those who do not know it, please have a simplistic bastardized version of its first half, which is the most relevant in this case:

A group of men have been, since birth, shackled within the deepest recesses of a cave. They are sat facing a wall upon which a fire casts the shadows of figurines (a tree, a donkey, a vase, etc) placed before it: this is all they've ever known, what they perceive to be reality. Imagine, then, that one of these prisoners manages to free themself from their restraints, and for the first time looks back. Thus they discover the figurines, the fire, and the lie they thought was truth; and though it would be easy to consider these new idols the "true" reality, the prisoner looks past them and sees that the cave stretches forward. As such they crawl through it until they reach the outside world: the sunlight forces their eyes down as they are not used to it yet, and their first taste of this new environment is a reflection in a puddle, or maybe a lake, wobbly and not quite clear. Only when they've accustomed to the Sun they can raise their head and properly discover the real world.

The myth of the cave is an allegory for the philosopher's quest in search of true knowledge, which resides not in the imperfect physical world, but in the perfect metaphysical realm of ideas.

This is not, necessarily, the allegory I believe the Innard Scoresheet represents.

The Biological Chronicle is, to me, a story about stories. About making stories, about being swept in the flow of a story, about recreating ourselves in stories over and over and over again.

I promise it will probably make more sense later.

But back to the point: the myth and the Flesh Record follow a similar structure and have a similar message. That is the thesis of this post until I inevitably get derailed again. Let's look at that.

In applying the steps (shadow, copy, reflection, reality) of the philosopher's journey towards enlightenment to the Meat Diaries, I'll do what Plato would bludgeon my head with a stick for and take them much more literally: the places described are physical ones, and the characters actively move between them. This is not because of any personal wish to specifically spite some dead Athenian fuck, but because that is literally what happens in the Entrail Annotations, whether through actual movement or changes of perspective.

The island of Mata Nui is of course the first step: shadows cast upon a cave wall.

There is a certain irony in this. Mata Nui shares the same allegorical location as the cave, yet physically is its complete opposite - an open space signaling the end of an enormous interconnected system of caves. The journey starts from the end. Great job everybody, we've found reality! This philosophy shit is easy.

But the island is still very much the cave. It looks prettier and livelier than the cave, but it's still a prison in which the Matoran have been confined with no chance of escaping; it's still cut off from the world at large, be it beneath it ir around it; it's still a place where beings who do not know any better blindly believe what is told to them. Only seven people know the truth (or what they believe to be the truth) and spin it in tales of shadow puppets: simplistic retellings full of gaps to fill with magic and terror and prophecies. The Turaga mean no harm - they had no way to know when or if they would have ever returned to Metru Nui, and it made no sense reminding the Matoran of a place they may end up agonizing to see without being able to - but it remains that Mata Nui is a cave, a prison of ignorance.

Things change after Mask of Light: shackles broken and door opened, the silver sea stretches before the Matoran and offers them a sight familiar yet different, more defined.

Metru Nui is the figurine, the copy held in front of the fire. It's the first introduction to the Matoran Universe proper, the first step towards the cave's exit. Here we see how the Matoran are supposed to work, how this sort of society is meant to function, and it... well, it sort of sucks the joy out of it, doesn't it? The soft edges of the figurine's shadow have been replaced by hard protodermis sides that leave no room to the imagination, letting us see the craftmanship clearly. And it's... it's kind of unpleasant. Kind of dull and mean and so... unmagical. I'd like the shadows again please. Those were nicer.

(Plato describes this exact happenstance in the philosopher's journey - upon seeing something closer to the truth one might feel repelled and want to return to simpler times. But we persevere. We must.)

Or perhaps this step is not Metru Nui itself, but the Turaga's recollection of it. The city they knew is now gone, abandoned to itself and rotting miserably alone for a thousand years, and yet they still cling to that pristine image their minds have sculpted for it, forgetting details, crafting imperfect copies of its reality: their own stories place it in a time before time, turn it as they say in a "city of legends", of great minds and a great hero and a strange tension pervading it that they might not consciously recognize. This is their basis for the stories they told, and they believe it to be the truth. It is not. The truth is deeper behind them.

The Matoran Universe as a whole is a reflection in the water. We've gotten out of that cave, but it's still too bright and our eyes can't adapt quickly enough: this will have to do for now.

But what is it a reflection of? A body? That's a given, since the whole thing is housed inside one. Yet this body does not behave like a body, its organs don't act like organs. They are landmarks and settlements, and there are species and parties involved in their own more or less treacherous businesses, and death is everywhere and seldom spares anybody, and evil isn't a singular incomprehensible thing but many perfectly identical pieces, and everything is happening all the time and I would like a break. Please. I can't handle all of this. It's too close to how everything already is. Let's go back to the figurines. They were worse than the shadows, but not to this extent. Please. I just don't want to see the bad guys win. I just don't want to see my friends die.

(Upon seeing something closer to the truth one might feel repelled and want to return to simpler times. But we persevere. We must.)

The Matoran Universe is a terrible place, but it's still far away. The edges are wobbly when the surface shifts: the stakes are universal in size, the rivalries are exaggerated, the situations are fantastical, the evil so terrible and terribly simple. It does what it does because it simply does it, and after all why else should it do it? In its increasing complexity it's still simple and sometimes a bit silly. It's still dolls that you can hold in your hand to make fly around.

As @sepublic mentions briefly here, Bara Magna is by contrast just so human. Before the big bombastic Rock-Em-Sock-Em Jumbo Edition ending and peeling away the sci-fi elements, these are stories of people trying to live. This is reality.

People are sleazy. People have priorities that not always include the well-being of other being put first. People are evil for reasons beyond just "power" or "money" or "why not". Strakk is a massive selfish bastard and also he is the one motherfucker who gets me because to be very honest I too would not want to wade through a desert crawling with quicksand and huge bat winged serpents and raptor riding marauders and spartans so bloodthirsty they don't even name their children until they make a new body count record without being paid well enough. Mata Nui's idealized honor makes him a complete anomaly because nobody is a prince in shining armor here. They're all covered in bones and doing their best not to start a war again.

Even his quest, despite what it entails and how solemnly he presents it and the information we as readers have (his identity as a usurped god exiled from his own body), is surprisingly real - in fact, his struggle is actually the same as Kiina's: both of them are strangers to the region suddenly separated from their people during a time of great strife and desperately wanting to reunite with them. The difference being that while Kiina had no chance to do such a thing, Mata Nui was built to fix both of their problems.

This is what the Matoran Universe is made in the image of. And while it very much deviated across time, the core of it remained the same: elemental tribes and variegated species caught in a dance of death, biting each other's tails endlessly.

This is the world the MU beings find once fully free. It's rough, but they've been through something like this before.

They'll handle it.

They always have.

That is the will of the Non-Mineral Journal.

Of Bionicle, the story-that-ended.

BUT.

Not necessarily of Bionicle, the story-that-does-not-end.

Now we are getting into "Random Experiences Getting The Brain Scrubbed By The Hard Back Of A Sponge And Makes It The Problem Of Everybody Listening To The Inane Yelling" territory. I'm talking walking into headcanon if not straight up just fanfiction territory. Possibly also sensible speculation but I don't know how to tell. Please do come smack me if you feel it is needed.

It's wild that Bionicle has managed to endure for what now (2024) are 23 years. The endless rebuildable possibilities intrinsic to being a LEGO product have certainly helped, but at the same time I really do feel like it wouldn't have held this strongly without its story.

I will admit I'm not a building kind of person. I had some ancient LEGO bricks when I was little and what I usually did with them was stacking them in a really tall line and try to keep it upright until they fell and scattered like lemmings booking it for a cliff. Getting into Bionicle would have never been possible for me had my dear beautiful friend @cantankerouscanuck not innocently dropped me links to Legends of Metru Nui, Web of Shadows, and the Crosswired Geeks website asking if I could have please considered skimming through it. This was back in september 2023. These pieces of plastic have been irreversibly fucking up my brain for nine months, and it was only possible because the plot and characters were written in a way that actively sunk its teeth into my skull and did an alligator death spin so potent that I'm still reeling from it, thinking about it.

I do think that's one of the main reasons why it's still going, why people still talk about it. It lives on through fans who still look at all the enormous potential left by the gaps and holes in the story and work on them, analyze them, make their own versions of them. So this second section is about that part of Bionicle, the story that just does not end, carried on by others.

So back to the point, what actually kickstarted this entire line of thought (the Squishy Note and the allegory of the cave are sort of the same lol) was a headcanon I have about the characters that have been actually missing from this analysis: the Great Beings.

You Know.

The Guys Who Kickstarted Every Single Thing, And Notably Continuously Did All Of It Wrong.

From my own prior knowledge I had understood that they are all Glatorian, and I just learned that they also were, apparently, given their incredible weird fucked up mental powers that made them into godly creatures by a space octopus.

I am going to take both pieces of information and discard them.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with them, except maybe coming from the leftest field available like a sack of granite to the face, but I feel like this kind of explanation for who and what they are isn't really satisfactory to me specifically. It does fit with the allegory of the cave still, technically - they are part of the real world, the ones who created every layer of detachment from it on purpose (somebody must have shackled those prisoners at the bottom of the cave, after all) and have managed to get to a higher level of reality still, following the platonic quest for knowledge into something that resembles the iperuranium, the perfect metaphysical world in which ideas reside.

But also... I'd like for there to be a limit to how higher we can go, you know? Into the cosmic horror? Because everything is cosmic horror in the Doctor's Report already. We live on a god's face. We live in a god's body. We are a god's cells. Our universe is a tiny manmade action figure in a larger universe. Our god is just a synthetic soul. The real older gods made it and sent it around to do their bidding. Also they're all gonna kill us when we figure out our universe is fake. Cosmic horror. Cosmic horror for miles. These are fucking LEGOs. Why is there so much existentialism in them.

So yeah, at the cost of sounding boring the psychic octopus from outer space might be a little bit too far for my personal tastes.

This does not mean I am immune to adding onto the cosmic horror.

Because my personal interpretation of who/what they are still adds onto the cosmic horror.

It just doesn't also include "giant aquatic fauna with psychic powers" in the already very large salad of sentient sapient species who have stakes in this universe, because I think we have enough of those.

So what is my platonic ideal form for them?

The Great Beings are human beings. Straight up just people. They're the readers, the players, the writers, the designers, the creators and tellers of the chronicle itself - they have this immense dominion over everything around them because they are the origin of everything around them in a sense, but their constant failings make sense because for all the influence and power they are still human, and that makes them very, very fallible. I mean, mr Greg "I will rewire your brain chemistry forever with some of the best stuff you'll read as a kid, and also for undiscernible reasons doors aren't canon" Farshtey would be one of them. Things make a lot of sense.

(this is impossible in Stone Cold Canon by the way and I am aware, because if we got to properly see the Great Beings they would have needed to be products to sell, but this is not a matter of probability it's a matter of Vision. like can you imagine how fucking cool would have been a Bonkle movie where the characters finally meet the Great Beings face to face and when it happens the style just completely shifts from 3D animation to a stop-motion and live-action combo with the Great Beings played by people and the characters portrayed by their actual sets with all of the lack of expression and stiff hands and all. do you see it. im about to blow up)

And so, we return to the allegory.

What are the shadows on the wall? Are they still the Turaga's tales? Then shouldn't they be their memories, as well? Everything that comes out of their mouth is hazy either with nostalgia or simplification, and none of it can be real. Yet they present it as such, because to them it is. Their ignorance is the same as the Matoran's, but they do not grasp it because they can't. Mata Nui to them is not the cave, it's the reflection in a lake: an imperfect mirror of reality. They cannot see the fire nor the figurines.

They are the figurines. Man-made creations confined under artificial light in a vast underground system, as large as a whole galaxy and yet so small, so isolated, so far back into the cave they are never meant to know anything other than. The shadows were their own but they can't realize that, and they can't realize they themselves are copies. The Matoran Universe is a puppet show that Teridax shuts down as he takes its reigns: he banishes its fire, Mata Nui (who is a gnostic Demiurge, a god made by gods demanding worship despite its falsehood - another copy not fully aware of being a copy) and shuts the entrance, plunging it all into darkness. No more knowledge. It is not something dolls need, after all.

Bara Magna is not the last step. It is not yet reality, not yet the truth. It's closer, much closer, but it's not: it's the lake, the puddle, the reflection that distorts when something is thrown into it. The stakes are more realistic, the characters and motivations, but not yet real. There is still a layer of separation: the elemental powers, the alien setting, the strange beasts, the supernatural history, the secrets pointing to things much bigger and more fantastical than anything reality could be, the way it is cut short by no fault of its own. What does it reflect? It's not the Matoran Universe, since that is a model based on Bara/Spherus Magna. It's not Mata Nui, because that is an attempt at recreating what the Matoran Universe was, at least in part. So... Is it the real world? Our, world?

It must be.

The Great Beings (us, the players and readers and writers and artists) shaped all of this. This universe is their creation, their work, and it is based on what they know, on their reality, because all stories are.

Maybe it was a story as close to real as possible that turned fantastic and wild until it became mythical, or maybe it was a simple story that grew so complex and grounded that it became life-like. It doesn't matter. It's a long story, a really, really long one, and maybe they're tired of it, or maybe they don't know what to do with it, or maybe they just think it has run its course, or maybe... Maybe they don't know how to tell it again. Tell it like this again.

So... I guess the thing to do is clean up.

Full tabula rasa.

And once we're done we can take these figurines we still have left, the last proof of all this immense work, this spiraling dive into who and what we are, how we function, how we create, how we imitate and recreate ourselves in fictional worlds that are our own and yet completely alien over and over, and make new ones. Distorted reflections that become imperfect copies to place before a fire so that their shadows can play out a new story upon a cave wall, for those same dolls to believe they are real.

God I got sidetracked severely

#bionicle #random talks #HELLO this took me TWO DAYS to write and i somehow reached conclusions i hadnt thought of during the writing process. Help Me #it also brought me Thoughts about g2 that i need to write down in a fic Right Now. it is Fucking Late In The Night. Shit.#also i finished this while watching an in-depth analysis of Emesis Blue (tf2 psych-horror movie) thats TWO HOURS LONG and very interesting #just to give you an idea of my current state #anyways its a mess. enjoy.

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4aceclover · 7 months ago

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Morehead cannons about Rum and Shirley from Shadow's house

(Spoiler warnings of course)

This is following under my Au of what if these two did pass the debut

Head Cannon #1: Shirley expels soot the same way a train expels smoke

One of my personal head cannons for Shirley (at least before I read the Manga) was specifically about the way she would expel soot.

The anime and manga state that each shadow has a soot quantity meaning they have a certain amount of soot that they would expel throughout the day, however the manga also reveals that some shadows can increase the amount of soot they expel thanks to their negative emotions. The less negative emotions you have the lower your soot quantity would be those with higher negative emotions (or higher emotional states) can make their soot quantity grows stronger to the point of making soot scalactites

Examples:

Kate

Barbara

John

Sarah

And that's just naming a few

We know that Louise and Patrick have medium soot quantity, same thing goes for the Bell twins however we've also seen shadows with low soot quantities being able to pass just fine like MaryRose and Matilda (a future debut member) so what about Shirley

We also know that at least for some of the characters the way they expose it is very different from others I won't say the scene line for line from the manga / anime but I will give brief descriptions on what what the anime manga show

Kate's go straight up

John's looks like fireworks

Louise's coils / curves

Patrick's spreads all out

Barbara's appears to expel all throughout her body

And that's about it but if we applied this knowledge to Shirley then maybe her should would be expelled in that of clouds and not just any clouds, clouds that look suspiciously a lot like the puffs of smoke you see from a train kind of like the soot train (but that would imply that she would remember getting on that train to begin with) after reading the manga I think this head Canon might be true

(I mean just look at the way she's expelling soot and you tell me that doesn't look like clouds)

Headcanon #2 Shirley is just like Mary Rose

I've had this idea in the back burner of my mind for a while so we all remember these two lovely ladies right

(Of course we do, I never shut up about at least one of them)

Well isn't it kind of interesting that both of their Shadow Mistresses just so happened to be purple as in the color of royalty, loyalty, magic, and majestic nature

And isn't it also very interesting that Rosemary just so happens to have a mistress who remembers her time as a morph, her past

(I think we all know where I'm going with this one) what if Shirley was no different what if she also remembered her time as a morph before taking on Rum's appearance

Story-wise that would be pretty interesting wouldn't it be cuz if you think about it Mary Rose was described as gallant meaning she has a more tomboyish way of acting just like rums appearance is very tomboy-esque her wiki even states that her hair is styled in a tomboy style, plus if you think about it Mary Rose is the only female character to wear pants so wouldn't it be interesting to have Shirley end up doing the same thing

Some evidence to support this idea is the fact that the wiki states that surely act as if she knows more about the Mansion than what she lets on, which could imply why she never bothered to reach out to talk to Rum herself, maybe she remembers the past as a morph and what this house was capable of and wanted to find a way to save Rum, but could never figure out how, because we've seen that it's not just the living doll who can make contact with the Shadow the shadow themselves can reach out and talk to them if they wanted but she never did

Additionally the manga reveals that Shirley's personality is lively and mischievous and what's more mischievous than going against the shadows house in a very subtle anti-lively way

It could be possible that if these two passed the debut she could have revealed everything she knew to Rum just like Kate did to Emilico, but she doesn't do it on the same day that Kate does she actually waits before revealing it to Rum because she wanted to see if anyone else knew this truth as well finding out that Kate did really help boost her confidence in telling rum because she was scared of what repercussions but when she found out someone else and her team knows about them being humans and not living dolls it gave her the confidence she needed to tell rum the next day

Plus could you imagine her pulling a Candy and Stella approach and defying the shadows house, her pretending to act like Rum, acting all shy and timid (which is the most mischievous way of her defying the Shadow's House of all time) adding on to that imagine her pretending like she doesn't speak all that much or she selectively mute which allows her to get special permission from the starburst to have a rum where a special type of portrait that allows her to speak for her

Headcanon #3 her connection to the Star Bearers

As I alluded to in the previous headcanon I truly do think that Shirley's personality would allow her to gain special privileges from the star bearers what are the special privileges you might ask

Being allowed to let Rum wear special portrait that allows her to speak for her Shadow mistress

Being able to go to specific rooms despite not having a soot power

Checking out areas that only veiled dolls are allowed in

Letting Rum wear specific clothing even if it doesn't match Shirley's outfit

Being able to walk around the house with team 10 (Kate's team)

Why is this well the shadow house views her as a more disabled Shadow but because they passed the debut and rum can speak they allow these privileges since she hasn't started talking just yet this is all part of our plans of actively defying the shadows house by showing that living dolls are their own person

Headcanon number 4 Shirley's (Rum's) hobbies

Speaking of allowing a living doll to think for themselves and be their own person now comes my favorite out of all of them

Shirley herself doesn't care much for having a hobby after Mary Rose explained that this was an important part of a Shadow's life she didn't really care but she didn't want to Rum to be unable to do anything in the house and she knew that she didn't have a hobby she might be seen as a worthless Shadow and get disposed of so what does she do

Have rum be the one to make the important calls on their hobbies, let me explain. She likes doing anything by Rum's side kind of like how Lorelei and Lulu don't like separating from one another Shirley doesn't like doing anything without her "Darling Rum" so she always asks rum What does she want to do

(Mind you here are the options for the hobbies these kids have in both anime and manga terms)

Study in the library

Admire the plants in the conservatory

Nurture your spirit in the music room

In the dancehall Mary Rose herself will instruct you

To improve oneself is a child's top priority embrace that

And mind you this isn't taking in consideration the fact that some of these kids have personal interests like Louise's interest in Art or their powers for example Margarets Powers is sticky soot ivy which makes sense considering her hobby is that of gardening

And notice The exchange happening here more specifically what Mary Rose says here (I'll translate it to anime terms for those of you who haven't read this)

Kate: maybe borrow the books and read them in our rooms

MR: that's perfectly fine. As per the rules there's a notebook in each room meant to catalog your time spent performing activities, if you do not make enough entries you'll be seen as a worthless Shadow with no intention of self-improvement

You can see where the problem comes from when there's a shadow who has no interest in any of this stuff and just wants to sow and draw especially since her power allows her to transform into literally anyone and anything in order to make this authentic she would have to take in a hobby in sewing something shadows house doesn't offer so how do you compromise by doing all of it

More specifically she asks Rum what hobby does she want to participate in? Each and every day they would go to practically every hobby room, sometimes even following Louise to spend time with Benjamin and grow stronger, and spending time with Louise also allows them to learn more about Art and how to draw.

Bear in mind that this has nothing to do with the fact that morphs are easily manipulated because of how malleable they are, this is because Shirley's just curious and has a strong urge to learn, even if it means doing something she's not interested in but if she knows that Rum is interested in it then she'll gladly learn it alongside of her (but she always gives the credit to Rum because she knows that without her she wouldn't be doing this in the first place) which is how she's able to make allies and people like Margaret and some other people like Eve from the first-aid team and Oliver and Jeremiah from the research team

At the end of the day that's who Shirley is, a curious girl who loves learning pretty much anything there is to know, and is willing to improve herself in any way shape or form… but not for the shadows house… it's for Rum's sake. She knows that her real name isn't Shirley (that's her living doll's name) which is why she was so proud of Rum for choosing her own name this made her happy because it showed her that Rum was able to make her own identity, and she wants to do the same (because the name Lily is so close to Shirley she's thinking about choosing that as her name when she's able to get Rum out of the shadows house)

Her biggest hobby is practicing her soot power, specifically eating other people's soot not only allows her to increase her quantity (going from low to high) but it allows her to transform into other shadows despite not seeing them face to face, and sometimes she can use their soot power because she has transformed into them. Which is the big reason why she took on sewing to make her transformation look more authentic, (plus she loves spoiling Rum in all different types of outfits and gifts but that's more on Rum's side of the story)

#shadows house manga #shadows house #shirley shadow #maryrose shadow #shadow house rum #Shadow house analysis #Shadow house headcannons #definitely going to make a part two of this #I should probably look at headcannons for other characters too #I might do one on Emilico come next after Rum of course

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snugglesquiggle · 8 months ago

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Any tips on using fonts in ao3?

going to assume you're familiar with the basics — creating a new workskin at Dashboard → Skins → My Work Skins, and selecting a skin on the Edit Work page. if not, AO3 has a tutorial for this

(though skimming the tutorial, it doesn't seem to mention the <span> tag, which is your best friend when it comes to applying styles to a bit of text within a paragraph)

now for the more specific part of this question. also, be warned i'm going to be embarrassingly technical before i actually answer your question.

this is going to sound funny, but i am by and large not a fan of manipulating fonts as a stylistic device. my personal opinion is that what font a text is displayed in should be for the user to decide, both for preference and for accessibility reasons (e.g. there's fonts designed for dyslexic readers). i also tend to find most font changes to be a a bit goofy and immersion-breaking

it's different when i do it, but i'll explain my cope in a second

anyway, the style property you want to change to set in your work skin is font-family. e.g. font-family: monospace will give text a code/"typewriter" look, and on my own site i use "font-family: Newsreader, serif;". (the comma there essentially says 'if you don't have Newsreader installed, any serif font will do)

but as mentioned, i don't like messing with fonts, and in fact, there is no font styling as such in my fic at all. what gives?

(note: im going include mildly spoilery excerpts from my fic, Hostile Takeover)

but basically, i wrap cyn's dialogue in <code> tags, and most browsers will make that monospaced by default, but it leaves the door open for custom userskins to add their own flair to code blocks.

for example, my site puts little boxes around them

but with all that said, i think i might be taking this question overly literally. i think it's likely you aren't talking specifically about just fonts, and most of the interesting things people want to replicate from my fic aren't about what shape the letters are.

my secret weapon for styling this fic is the humble text-shadow property.

what it does is simple: it creates a copy of the text, and you have four knobs to turn: you can shift it over horizontally or vertically, blur it, and of course change the color

text-shadow: 1px 2px 3px red;

this gives you a copy of the text shifted to the right 1 pixels, down 2 pixels, blurred 3 pixels and colored red.

text-shadow: 1px 2px 3px red, -1px -2px 3px blue;

same deal but now there's another in the opposite directions colored blue, like a chromatic aberration.

you don't have to include the color or the blur if you dont want color or blur.

now i'll run through some real examples

the "pain" effect is what you get when you stack text vertically

text-shadow: 0 -3px 0px, 0 3px 0px;

the "beyond the grave" effect is text stacked horizontally

text-shadow: 2px 0px 0px;

the famous "i want you destroy you" text is of course colored, and here i offer an actual tip

you can predict the offsets, but the color is special

text-shadow: 2px -1px 0px #da38;

full explanation here, but basically, when you write a color with four values, the first three are RGB, but the last is the opacity. i think this matters because, if the earlier part of this post didn't make it clear, i care about readers getting a good experience no matter how they choose their custom styles (within reason, ofc)

by making the color slightly transparent, it blends with the background color, means whether you read with a light them or dark, it meets you half way

(try removing the transparency on that shade, and it's a pretty harsh contrast on both modes — though part of that might be that i made it super saturated to compensate for the transparency.)

i have some complaints about how ao3 handles css, and one of them is that it forbids you from using the very convenient filter: blur() function. to work around this, i cooked up a very "we have blur at home" solution

text-shadow: 0px 0px 6px, 1px 1px 3px, -1px -1px 3px; opacity: 50%;

(it looks much better on my site, where i can filter: blur all i like)

one of the reasons this sucks is that without a doubt the biggest limiter on doing really complicated stuff with text shadows is that they don't stack.

you'll notice that when the "pain" effect shows up, the "blur" effect disappears.

this matters most for what is definitely the most striking and involved use of text shadows in the work: the big man himself

the basic principle here isn't that special. the illusion of depth is accomplished by increasing blur and opacity the 'deeper' the text is supposed to be. the biggest trick here is that instead of the 'px' we've been using everywhere before, the offsets use 'em', which is a unit that relative to the font size.

but there is a nuance. you see:

text-shadow: 0px 1px 0px, 0px -1px 0px, #fd64 2px 2px 2px, #fd68 2em 1em 3px, #fd65 4em 2em 5px; text-shadow: #fd64 2px 2px 2px, #fd65 2em 1em 5px; text-shadow: #fd6 2px 2px 5px, 0px -3px 0px, 0px 3px 0px, #fd68 2em 1em 3px;

the "translate" looks like a combination of the new effect and the pain effect, but i had to give it a special style, specifying both by hand.

if you want to layer things, it will get out of hand, and if you ever opt to revise the specific colors or values, solver help you.

also, this doesnt show up anywhere in HT (yet), but i've used it in the past — only setting the blur of a text-shadow lets you give words an 'aura', and it's a neat and simple effect

(excerpt from Eifre Quest, an original work of mine from years ago. i have mixed feelings about it)

sorry if that was a long ramble or self-indulgent, but hopefully something there was new or helpful.

thanks for asking!

#ao3 #ao3 formatting #ao3 tutorial #hostile takeover #my answers

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dirgeforthedead · 10 months ago

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Dirge & Relationships // @dirgeforthedead

Most of this I am taking straight from plotting with my friend @banefulbenevolence , so I'm just hoping it all make sense.

GENERAL

Dirge has some amount of difficulty, both with expressing herself to others--especially before she is prepared to be fully open and vulnerable with them, but to some extent even beyond that. She spent most of her life being only a weapon and an instruments. Those don't need feelings, opinions, or a voice. They don't even really need thoughts except within the parameters of The Mission. Feelings still puzzle and bamboozle her on a regular basis, and she often has to sit down and really, really give thought to what she's feeling, sort through it. Sometimes she can name it, sometimes she can't. She is, however, capable of feeling very strongly, and not only with negative emotions but with positive ones as well. Sitting down to write the Prayer for Forgiveness was not a quick operation. She agonized and deliberated over that letter, really thought about what she was feeling and even then she could only come up with 'admire'... and then had to further decide how best to justify the feeling to someone who would no doubt see it at best as a weakness and at worst as a threat to The Mission. I have mentioned before that Dirge is very cat-like. This is evident even and perhaps especially when it comes to relationships.

FRIENDSHIPS

Dirge is a surprisingly loyal friend. Though it isn't the easiest feat to become her friend--especially prior to the tadpole--once it does happen, you are fairly well stuck with her outside of something worldview-altering.

With this comes the fact that you also have a protective, not-so-little murder cat who will often be your shadow. Scary Dog Privilege? Nah. That's for amateurs.

She may be a bit clumsy with friendship, but it does mean the world to her after so long alone. [ What's more, she very much feels that she has to deserve that friendship, and she will work hard for it, even if she is clumsy. ]

Dirge's way of expressing platonic love is probably a strange mix to two of the five: acts of services and gift giving. She doesn't really need or utilize words of affirmation much if at all. In fact, prior to her and Gortash striking up a friendship, she didn't really talk much at all. It still isn't first nature to her, or even really second. She will, however, bring friends things that she knows they like and--if one counts murdering people who threaten them or taking hits intended for them, then acts of service also applies. Quality time is also a close second to the other two because she can quite happily sit and just be with a friend or friends. It just is a bit more 'on her terms'. Sometimes she's happy to sit with others. Sometimes she wants to be literally anywhere else.

More to that. Though she is not much of a talker unless she knows she has something to say, but she will happily sit and listen to someone she cares about for however long without complaint.

If she is particularly close with someone, she will have a tendency to stand quite close to them and her tail will usually just barely tilt toward them.

ROMANCE

One of the most clearly visible cases of how cat-like Dirge is can perhaps be most clearly seen in romantic relationships. Some of what I'm referencing will be specifically from what my friend and I have come across during plotting. This part of the post is longer just because we've spent a lot of time exploring what this looks like with them. [ Though, of course, any and everything is subject to plotting/different takes with anyone here! This is just sharing a bit based on what we came up with. ]

While jealousy isn't quite the right word--she never once would think that her person would cheat on her--there is a certain amount of territorial nature to her, as well as protectiveness. For my friend, this manifested while Gortash was messing around with the Nobles. Any time he would come back, he would have a Dirge very much just on him. Not even with any intent just. He smells like them and that is unacceptable and must be fixed.

For that matter, having Dirge just on you in general isn't much of a stretch. If you're her person and you're sitting somewhere, she will very likely be on your lap or as close to being as possible, if you have no issue with it. Again, she isn't really trying for anything. She just. Likes being close. [ Particularly if she is having big--and more so with positive--feelings about something that she can't quite articulate. ] If you're lying down, she's almost certainly lying on you, if you can take the weight [ despite her being the larger build ], probably with her face tucked against your neck.

While on the subject of closeness, Dirge can honestly take or leave sex. What she craves more than anything is just closeness, intimacy in a more general sense. [ When it is sex, she's mostly up for whatever her partner wants, but her preference of positions is anything that gives the most contact possible. ] Closeness is how she feels, in a way, and how she expresses her feelings when she can't say them. It is certainly also how she feels the safest and what best helps her to anchor.

Back to the matter of protectiveness though, she is very protective, and, in the case of my friend's Gortash, that also manifests in an extreme dislike of the people who fawned over him and lusted after him and had the audacity to think that they deserved him when all they saw was a pretty plaything to make them feel better about themselves, not his brilliant mind or his sharply-honed skills--at tinkering and in other arenas. The fact that Lady Janneth is not only still breathing but still possesses both of her hands is a testament to Dirge's level of control honestly, because she could have killed the woman and never batted an eyelash.

Over the course of their partnership, gift-giving would be something I would tack onto her love languages, in addition to those listed above and physical touch, also as mentioned above. This was, in large part, because any time she finds a trinket that had some sort of "protection against [insert whatever danger here]" she would bring it to her partner--sometimes still a bit bloody but, y'know, it's the thought that counts. With my friend, we headcanon that Dirge gave Gortash the cane seen in-game because it has a hidden blade in it--which had caught Dirge by surprise when she went to kill its original owner. She wants her person protected from any dangers--herself included.

She is genuinely the most trusting of her person. The thought never crosses her mind that they would betray her in anyway.

Honestly, with my friend's Gortash, it is the first time she's ever felt like that and it shows. As much for her confusion about what she's feeling and uncertainty about what most would consider standard relationship things... as for the fact that she really does love just so wholly. When she loves, she loves fully and without reservation, even if she cannot quite give name to it without assistance.

In a trusting and committed romance, that is where some of her less INTENSE qualities start to show, as she can be somewhat playful when she feels safe. [ Which, unfortunately, also runs up to and includes her being a bit of a brat sometimes when she gets agitated or just feels like it. Case in point, letting the intrusive thoughts win and giving Gortash a Chomp on the arm or shoulder because he was too busy and ignoring her when she was trying to get his attention. Bad enough to cause serious injury? No but maybe draw a little blood. BUT. ] Like I said. Cat-like.

Honestly--at least with my friend's Gortash this is the case-- though you might expect hardcore, BDSM, etc. , truthfully? Straight from a message with my friend [with only minor edits for clarity]: She ends up hurting him sometimes in general when she can't control herself, or when he can't anticipate what craziness she might do the times when she does lose control or it frays a bit—not that it's his fault because how COULD he possibly anticipate everything. But… she hates associating that so strongly with him, the times when she messes up and she hurts him or almost does. SO I was just thinking about them lying in bed and Enver asleep… And I was thinking where I was talking about Dirge being so MINDFUL of being careful when she's placing the ring on his finger after she's still trying to come down from one of her Episodes [ NOTE: I'll explain that in another post at some point ]… It got me considering… I think her absolute favorite thing… is when they're lying in bed and he's still asleep… and she can just… so very carefully trace her fingers along his skin, trace along his face. Just so featherlight with a sort of deliberate, very intentional softness? ... AND ALSO THIS ONE [ that does talk more about sex, in reference to that conversation about the Crown ]: I am once again thinking about the fact that even when Enver gives Dirge that power over him, allows her to domme, as long as she's With It? She never hurts him. And she never tries to make him feel lesser. She domme and she bosses and she tell him what he can and can't do. But it's always done with the sole intent of taking care of him. He has all kinds of little scars and hurts. Everybody else hurts him or has hurt him. She doesn't want to be everybody else. Just like he treats her differently from anyone she's ever known.... He's important to her. The Most Important. So when he lets her and when she's with it and able, she is so deliberately Sof. And, honestly, knowing what she can do with her bare hands, it should speak volumes that she touches him so gently, what she can do with those nails and yet she just traces them featherlight over his skin. That's not to say they don't get hot and heavy or break things in the room ever but, when he gives her this [ level of control and trust ], it's special, so she treats it that way and treats him that way.

Whether platonic or romantic, it should definitely be noted that Dirge will live, die, kill, maim, or spare anyone at the behest of her friend or lover. She is a creature of extremes, and there is no too far she would not entertain for those about whom she cares.

#|| ' for what i have done and failed to do — i am sorry . ' || { about // dirge }#|| ' forgive me father ; for i cannot help but admire the chosen of your sworn foe … ' || { re ; enver gortash }#long post #|| ' he is my heart ; i did not have one before him ' || { re ; enver // banefulbenevolence }#|| one man's monster is another's beloved ; the wise know that || { dirge & enver // banefulbenevolence }

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yukipri · 2 years ago

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Hi there, I'm so in love with your art is really stunning, I would like to know if you have any coloring tutorial or any tutorial/tips on color and lineart at all?

Thank you so much for liking my work!

Uh, so I don't really have the time to make full tutorials, but I post all of my WIPs on my Patreon so people can see some of my steps as I work!

As for general tips, "color and lineart" is very broad, so I can't really give you anything but incredibly broad responses. But to throw a few tips at you:

Color

Remember that color is oftentimes very subjective. There is no color that will look the same in every environment, and the human eye is very prone to interpreting things wildly (remember the striped dress...). Oftentimes, what's more important than the exact colors you choose are how they look proportional to other things in their environment. So if, say, someone is in a location with cold blue lighting, then their skin tone, which may naturally be tan, may look more purplish/gray, etc. Different surfaces will also reflect light differently; a dark fabric may not reflect light as much as, say, hard white armor or skin, and therefore the colors will also be different.

That's only if you're doing more environmental art of course, and idk what you're asking about specifically. It's entirely possible to do simplified art where there really isn't "lighting" per se. If you're ever stuck on how to make art look cohesive, try some pre-made color palettes! Sites like Coolors can be a great place for inspiration.

Also another general digital arts tip, but remember that digital art always looks different depending on the monitor. I always check how my art appears on my wacom mobile studio, where it tends to look more desaturated; my macbook pro (2014) where it tends to look more saturated; my iphone which is newer than my mac and looks even brighter. When I've seen my art on my mother's newer mac, it looks different there too. And if I were to print any of my art, that would look different too! (and also just, your eyes can see differently when you're tired. So my art looks different to me after an all nighter than after I get some sleep lmao) So just a thing to keep in mind!

Lineart

Have Patience. That's really the main thing. I used to be absolutely HORRIBLE at lineart, I couldn't really do it, and my sketches were "hairy" aff and looked terrible even when cleaned. If you scroll back far enough in my archive, you'll find them, lmao. Lineart takes a very, very long time to improve, years and years and years. I'm still working on it, will probably continue working on it the rest of my life. You won't get perfect lines overnight.

Generally, I find the tip to making sure lineart doesn't look flat is to think about line depth and variation. Not everything should be the same width. Lines that are where the shadow should be can be thicker. Ink in some shadows at the darkest corners even before colors. This advice, of course, works better if you have a more stylized lineart-based/comics based art style like I do, and should not be taken as general advice to be applied to every style. In fact, everything about lineart should take into consideration what you want the final art to look like. Will the lineart be stylistically prominent? Or hopefully look merged with the colors? Or is the lineart only a base for you to do your flats, which you'll eventually paint over?

In knowing you won't make perfect lineart overnight, it's okay to focus on improving parts. I did this by: 1) Slowly practicing doing cleaner sketches. The cleaner the sketch, the easier the lineart. Some people don't even need lineart bc their base sketch is clean enough. I am not there yet. 2) Practice doing "clean" lineart, but accept that it will take forever. If you practice enough, you will likely get faster. I used to spend 50~100 hours on lineart that I whittled down to ~10 hours, that I can now sometimes do in ~5 hours if I'm on a good roll. Took me around ten years, but eyyy progress??

Hope these tips helped! If you want advice on very specific things, I can try again, but this is the best I can say given your questions!

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

#Anonymous #art tips #tips #YukiPri art #art tutorial #generally speaking more specific questions help me out more ;_;#bc I spent like an hour typing this but i have no idea if it's actually relevant to what you want to hear >.<;

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windvexer · 3 years ago

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Hello windy chicken! Hope all is well ^-^

Tw: mentioning of abuse

In one of your answers about curses you said something quite striking, on the lines of «a curse is like a drop of ink in water, it's bound to not stay contained». I would love to avenge myself (and protect!) from an abusive father, but I don't wanna poison the well for the rest of my family. I have been thinking about it a lot; I've read about how cursing is a bit like spitting poison (you can wash your mouth but it still leaves the bitterness) and how a curse might strike where it most hurts, so instead of hurting him it hurts someone/something else. I don't want that; I want it to be sharply specific but I never cursed nor hexed (i tried to bind him away once and a couple days later he discovered a bladder issue that could have been fatal. Was it related? Not entirely sure but the timing was uncanny).

Could you suggest something to at least make him stop denigrating me and hitting me? I have already taken mundane action, and despite not being a minor anymore I have to keep at least low contact with him.

I completely understand if you don't wanna answer this! Thank you for reading until here.

To clarify on my earlier comment, I believe most all magic is like a drop of ink in water.

When you channel prosperity or blessings for others, so too do these energies linger about you.

Is this a bad thing? No. If I hike to the Prosperity River to gather a bucket of water on behalf of someone else, I'm sure I won't mind if a little water gets on me in the process. But while I'm there, I will have smelled the river plants on the humid air, seen the glimmer of fish scales near the surface, and heard the cry of birds and the clicking of insects.

I can go home and wash the river water off of myself, but the memory of where I had to go to fetch the water remains. I cannot un-see, un-smell, or un-hear the river.

Nor should I. Remembering what I saw, heard, and felt when I went to those places is powerful indeed (curious how hard it is for many of us to remember exactly what occurred during spellwork, for one reason or another!).

By dwelling with these experiences, I am growing, learning, and developing my relationship with my own path. I very much believe Prosperity River wants to be seen. I believe it tolerates us taking buckets of water. I believe it wants us to stop and stay a while, to listen and to learn, and to remember that we are its kin.

Now let's imagine that instead of Prosperity River we are going to Curse Swamp. Will we linger here like we did at the river? Will we sit quietly on a boulder and hear the frogs croaking and the insects dinning? Will we smell the air and dip our fingers into the water? Will we acknowledge our own discomfort at the deep shadows and the murky water, and watch our inner beast we've so dutifully chained up strain at its constraints, desperate to be allowed free in its own home?

Or will we dash in, scoop up water, then return home and scrub ourselves down with lye, spitting out the air we breathed and swirling mint mouth wash to strip every trace of that awful, mean place away from us, before adding another link to the chain of our inner beast?

Of course it leaves bitterness. Why should we expect it is possible to go to any place of power and not have its perfume linger about us? Is the swamp not as beneficent and caring towards us as the river? It is no less deserving to be near us, and to be a part of us, when we go to it for help. It too wants to be seen, to be known, and to be remembered as another member of our family.

Now, ought you perhaps apply bug spray and avoid where the alligators are known to roam? Certainly. But you should also probably avoid the part of Prosperity River strewn with poison oak, near where the bear is raising her cubs.

Curses do not automatically strike where it hurts the most in an absolute sense. It is often said that magic follows the path of least resistance, like water flowing down a hill. I believe this to be totally true. However, you as the practitioner define the possible paths your magic can take.

Limiting and defining the possible paths your magic may take is a major part of spellcraft, which we often see manifest in the phrase, "and it harms none." Or perhaps, more germane to a curse, "and it harm one."

Being "sharply specific," as you put it, is a benefit to most all magic in my opinion. One bucket of water may slow to a trickle if dumped on top of a hill and allowed to water what it may, but will gain speed and power if it is poured in a downhill aqueduct to one specific location.

If your curse is very open ended, such as, "hit him where it hurts most," then you yourself are the one encouraging others to fall in the line of fire. If your curse is sharply specific, no, your spell is not going to suddenly develop sentience, stop in its tracks, say, "ehh, I've got a better idea," and do something else.

However, even if your spell is perfectly targeted, it's going to cause ripples. That's the drop of ink in the pond. This is not a failure on your part as a practitioner; this is the consequence of us living in an interdependent, interrelated reality. You don't get to take actions lacking in consequences, that's not how it works. Dunk someone in the waters of Prosperity River, and it affects them, and therefore it affects their family. Whether or not it affects their family for good or ill is a judgement call you have to make after the fact.

Employing divination is something I recommend for all serious acts of magic. You can see for yourself what results your spell will have.

Your binding almost certainly did not cause any near-fatal medical problems. It seems much more likely that your binding revealed a hidden issue in a bid to distract and tie his attention to something else. I would indeed be most impressed if your desire to bind accidentally manifested in a death curse, as even very experienced and powerful witches often fail to do so even when they really try.

Try a multi-stage approach over a course of several weeks. The prolonged timeline is important for two reasons: it lets the ripples in the pond reverberate out before you throw in the next stone (in other terms, let the waters settle and review the lay of the land before casting the next spell), and it lets you recharge and rest between spells, so each one is cast at full power.

I'm assuming here that other household members of the abuser (I see that you have moved out) may also be victimized.

I recommend the following course of action: modify or reject as you prefer.

Begin with a series of personal protections on everyone who is at highest risk of being the victim of the abuser. Begin on yourself (first make sure your own mask is in place before helping those around you). Especially craft these protections against the abuser. Employ a variety of powers (stones, plants, celestial bodies, saints and spirits, gods, etc), do not just use your own visualization and willpower.

Mirror spells may be employed to hide the most vulnerable people from his line of sight. One for yourself isn't a bad idea at all.

A very deep "home calming" spell may be employed to help prevent splashback onto people he currently lives with. Or a dampening spell that prevents certain actions from being taken by anyone who lives there.

Craft a cloth poppet of the abuser. This is most uncomfortable, I find, but worth it. Bind its hands and mouth. Put it in a mirror box (an easy one may be made of tinfoil, the sides kept as smooth and without wrinkles as possible) so it is powerless to send energy out and receives back what it sends.

Capitalize on any beliefs the abuser has. A Christian abuser might be strongly affected by imagery of angels or demons, for example. A secular one might be obsessed with climbing the ranks at work and always cares about how they are perceived by others.

Whatever this person cares about most, bring it into the box that the poppet is held at, and instruct the poppet that whatever it is will punish them unless they change their ways.

For that secular person, perhaps we might say, "this is your boss and all the powerful people in your industry. They're going to find out how you are at home. If you do a single bad thing to your family again, they will all know. They can see it already. You're being watched, all the time."

Situations in which contact must be maintained with an abuser are touchy. You may find that protection spells are sufficient (remember to feed them often), and other actions aren't necessary.

If you aren't interested in going the whole route, a mirror spell between he and you, with specific intent to hide his ability to "see" you, and to bounce back his own energies, may more than suffice.

#tw abuse #cursing #malefica #long post #baneful magic #long post.#answered #theory

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cerastes · 3 years ago

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I've never finished any of my soulsborne games and I was wondering if you have any advice on which Playthrough to continue (or restart) first and any other advice. Bloodborne - Heading to Shadow of Yharnam. Sekiro - Miniboss in the burning palace/lost somewhere after the rider/burning bull. Dark Souls - Blight town. I think I like Bloodborne's playstyle the best of the three, but it's been a long time since I played so again, dunno whether to restart or just try and find my bearings.

I say continue Bloodborne. You should be able to ignite the muscle memory relatively easily in that one, given you are firmly in the midgame. In the other two, you are pretty early game, so it's easy to see you have an affinity with Bloodborne over the other two.

My number one advice, which I always give out, is to master the fundamentals, that is:

Spacing.

Stamina Management.

Timing and Tempo.

Level HP.

Spacing -> The central point of Soulsborne gameplay, particularly in Dark Souls but still very strongly present in both Bloodborne and Sekiro, is spacing. Nothing is more important than knowing where to be at any given time. If you have ever watched me stream any Soulsborne, you'll notice that I'm perpetually adjusting by moving around not randomly depending on what the enemy can do at any given range. This, of course, comes with experience and knowledge of any given fight, but that doesn't mean you can't apply this skill for fights you don't know: Before you even think about trying to get some damage in, make sure you are at the right place in relation to 1) the enemy you are fighting (which are this enemies' most dangerous and hard to deal with attacks? Which are the easiest? How do I bait them?), 2) the room in which you are fighting (rule of thumb: DON'T get cornered or pushed to the wall/ledge, ever), and 3) your own moveset ("I am using Blade of Mercy, so I need to hug the enemy to deal damage" vs "I am running a Blacksky Eye/Tiny Tonitrus Arcane build, I am going to attack the enemy from afar, where is it safer and how many attacks can I get in before the enemy closes in again?").

Stamina Management -> Stamina management is different in each individual game, at its easiest in Bloodborne, at its hardest in Dark Souls 2 (and inexistent in Sekiro, which does not use stamina). This is the second most important aspect, in my opinion. Know how many swings, from full stamina, you can do before running out of stamina. This is NOT how many swings you should do. You always have to account for the stamina you'll be consuming upon quickstepping/rolling. Against any significant enemy, you'll never be able to dedicate your full stamina bar into attacking. Stamina is your attack resource as well as your defense resource, ergo, spending it all in attacking gets you killed. Always leave enough stamina in your tank when attacking for at least one roll, more depending on the specific enemy. This is the most common mistake Soulsborne players make, and what ends up driving away the majority of people that quit the games. As I always say, it's easier to think of stamina as "green health": If you run out of green health in a bad spot, you'll quickly run out of red health shortly after.

Timing and Tempo -> This is innately tied to the two above, and you should think of Timing and Tempo as the practical use of both Spacing and Stamina Management at the same time. Know when to attack, how much to attack, and then how and when to move. This might sound overwhelming, but it is not as hard as it may sound, even without experience in a fight. A tip I give people when it comes to Soulsborne is that, whenever you come across a new enemy or boss and you don't know what to expect, just focus on dodging for a bit to see how it attacks. See what it does, and how it does, for a few moves, while only using stamina to dodge, and then start fighting. Now you have a MUCH better idea of what the boss can do without having to die a bunch of times each time they do a new attack. Attack whenever it's safe to, and just enough times so you still have time and stamina to dodge. Getting greedy and committing to attacking while putting yourself at risk is completely meaningless, because bosses in Soulsborne have low HP pools, and getting one or two extra attacks in at the cost of 70% of your health isn't going to make the fight shorter in any meaningful manner.

Level HP -> There is this massive and widespread misunderstanding that an important part of Soulsborne games is that you die in one or two hits. It's not just novices or secondaries that think this, an important part of the fans and even other game developers that try to emulate the Souls formula erroneously believe this as well. The reason this frankly stupid belief came to be is twofold: Firstly, because a lot of people, content creators included, tended to invest heavily in offensive stats with a mentality that works in other games that are not Soulsborne, which does in fact expect you to increase your overall durability and is balanced around the fact. It's no surprise, then, that people were dropping like flies from one or two attacks from mobs in the midgame and on, which led to this meme that "Dark Souls is the hardest game ever!". One, no, it's not, people were just really bad at it, two, the hardest game ever is Super Monkey Ball 2, so they were not only bad at video games, but also objectively wrong. The other aspect that contributes to this belief is that the more skilled players and content creators did, in fact, get away with not leveling HP because they are very good at dodging. If you don't get hit, you don't need HP, and that's true, it's the basis of Level One runs... But the average player isn't this good at dodging, let alone a novice. So this technically true statement, that you don't need HP if you just don't get hit, became widespread as a slogan of how you should play the game. But practically? Most people aren't that good at dodging, and the game doesn't expect you to be that good at dodging, either, hence why it gives you the option to, you know, increase your HP. Plus, investing on offensive stats heavily is objectively inefficient simply because your main source of damage in these games comes from weapon upgrades, not raw stats. You need significant stat investment to make your numbers go up in any meaningful way. And again, Boss HP is low in Soulsborne games, so doing a lot of damage is, in most cases, just not that necessary or significant, because you can kill the boss just a little slower by playing normally. So level your HP, until you get good enough that you don't need to. But you need to get there first.

The rest is just seeking adversity, really, and things naturally will follow.

#thefrostyknight

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candicewright · 4 years ago

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From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES: When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Thank you so much for tagging me @highwarlockkareena 💜

I'm tagging:

@zazrichor and this piece

@mushroomtale-fanart and this piece

@snowyfuxue and this set

@wuxxxian and this piece

@satuwilhelmiina and this piece

Of course, feel free to not do this if you don't feel like it, absolutely no pressure 💜

I'll be talking about my process for this art of Wen Qing.

Fair warning that this is going to be a bit of a mess because my process is all over the place, but I'll try my best to explain without it being too confusing.

Planning

Since this was a request, I started by reading the prompt, which asked for Wen Qing and roses. Roses are my one of my favorite flowers so I claimed the prompt and started thinking about what I was going to do with it.

I knew I wanted to do a portrait with roses surrounding Wen Qing, but I still wasn't sure about what the composition was going to be, so I started looking for references to see what would work and to get some ideas.

I started looking for photos of Meng Ziyi that I liked and at first I really liked this one.

She looks great, but when I tried sketching it I couldn't really get the angle of the face right, so I tried to look for a different picture that was within my skill level. Luckily, I remembered seeing a very pretty pucture the day before so I looked for it and this one was the one I ended up going with.

After that, I downloaded some free to use pictures of roses. I really liked the contrast and the color scheme in the pictures so I though I could apply it to the painting itself and so I began getting a clearer idea of what I wanted to do.

Creation

I opened my art program (IbisPaint X) and did a sketch of what I wanted using my references. My sketches are always super messy and I can't be bothered to do lineart, so I usually just clean them up a little bit and work over them directly. I should actually learn how to do proper lineart at some point, but today is not that day 😂

Then, I chose my base colors and filled in the drawing to get an idea of where I was going with the piece. I really likeed how it looked like this so I sent it to my friends for validation. They were extremely lovely to me as always so I was excited to continue working on it 💜

Before rendering, I knew I wanted my light source to be on the right and I wanted the shadows to be quite dark, almost black, but that's the extent of what I knew before going into it.

And then I started actually painting! Unfortunately tumblr won't let me post the process video into this post so I'm going to upload it on twitter. You can see it here! I don't really know how to describe how I paint other than there's a lot of going back and forth and over stuff that I already thought was finished. The whole thing took around 12 hours, which is a bit longer than I usually spend on a portrait but I think it was worth it!

For the main piece I only used three brushes. I did add a bit of glow and sparkles with different brushes on a separate program, but I mostly used these three:

Note that these are at full opacity but I usually work a very low opacity because my stylus doesn't have pressure sensitivity (bc my equipment sucks) and that's the only way I have to blend my colors without the blending tool, which I don't really like because it takes away the texture.

I also had a bit of trouble with the colors in this one because it's not what I usually do, but after multiple adjustments and with help from the references, I ended up with something I really liked!

After the piece was done, I added some of my usual sparkles and a bit of glow and then saved it to my gallery. Then, I opened my editing software and played with the contrast, saturation, brightness and some filters. I was left with three versions of the art that I liked: the one I eventually went with and these two (I still really like the first one tbh).

I sent it to my friends so that they could help me pick which one looked better and after a long period of very serious deliberation (read: we all panicked bc we're gay and can't choose) we ended up going with the one that ended up being posted to the mdzs net!

I then sent it to the net for posting and waited (im)patiently for it to go up! ❤

And that's it! I hope someone can get something put of the mess that is my process or that it was at least enjoyable!!!!!

#showyourprocess #my art

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syubub · 4 years ago

Text

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

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tsukki-rising · 4 years ago

Text

Pairing: Tokoyami Fumikage x Gn!Reader

Genre: fluffy angst, it gets a little emotional

Summary: You meet Tokoyami in the woods directly after the LOV attack at the summer training camp and comfort him.

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: Reader has an illusion quirk like Camie from Shiketsu

Extra lessons. You don't necessarily have an issue with taking them, you value you education and understand that this is an important step to raising your grades. You are a little bummed out however that you won't get to accompany any of your closest friends for the nighttime activity being put on by the Wild Wild Pussy Cats. You specifically feel a little anxious that you can't be with Tokoyami right now.

At the beginning of the school year, Tokoyami was a quiet student, but there were a few of his classmates with which he had created friendships. You had the honor of being a close friend to the boy along with Tsu and Shoji. You had found his interest in you slightly ironic due to your quirk. You have an illusion quirk that you often use for disorienting light attacks.

You felt quite overwhelmed by most of your classmates, most having large and often overbearing personalities with goals of being a top pro hero. But Tokoyami was a calming presence and he found you to be the same so you two got along great and a friendship blossomed.

As you sit in the classroom now, staring straight ahead at the whiteboard, you fondly remember your favorite times with Tokoyami. The first time he spoke to you in hero training, the first time he offered you to sit with him at lunch, the times you'd studied together at each other's houses, and of course, the time that you realized that your feelings for your classmate were more than strictly platonic.

You begin to reminisce on a certain memory with the boy that had you falling even deeper. You two were finished with your studying and you were looking around and admiring the décor of Tokoyami's room, noting how he prefers darkness.

"You know, I found it kind of funny when you wanted to be friends with me. You prefer dark conditions due to your quirk yet, with mine, I'm always using light." you noted while looking over some of the book spines on his shelves (classic literature, gothic mysteries, poetry).

"I wouldn't let that get in the way of a friendship. To be honest, I think you're quirk might've only worked to have me all the more interested in you." He was sitting in his desk chair and occasionally telling you stories behind some of the things he had in his room. Suddenly though, it felt like you were the decor being looked at, the story behind you being told. "I remember as everyone was getting to know each other in class and you made that illusion of a light show, it reminded me of all the nightlights I had when I was really young. My parents were cautious of dark shadow so I always had multiple in my room."

You note his words, looking around and observing the numerous small light sources littered around the space. "'had'?", you look over to him with a teasing smile.

He appreciates the jest and chuckles lightly before responding, "Ok, ok. Well, in my defense, I have a lot less now than I used to. I'm trying to feel out my limits with dark shadow and exercise working with him rather than letting him take over completely.", with his finishing statement the atmosphere grows slightly tense. This seems to be a bit of a sore subject for him.

It makes your heart ache to see him upset. "Tokoyami, I haven't known you long but I have seen you in action multiple times now and the way you work with dark shadow is so sinuous it almost seems choreographed.", you compliment.

You see a small smile creep onto his face before he elaborates, "You have seen me in the light. Dark shadow is stronger in deep shadow, much stronger, but also much more difficult for me to control. I want to increase my ability to remain calm while using that strength with precision, so that I can be an asset in the dark rather than a hazard.", he frowns, "It scares me to think of losing control. I want to be a hero but if I lose control...I could hurt someone."

He's looking off now with concern on his face. You really can't stand seeing him like this so you take his hand to gain his attention.

"Then I'm all the more impressed that you continue to follow the path of becoming a hero. What courage you must have to strive for such goals, determination, passion." You look him in the eyes and let your heart speak freely for just a split second, "You are an inspiration Tokoyami.", you quickly shut your heart up the moment after, "It's awesome to be friends with such a person.", you give the most platonic smile you can muster before pretending to receive a message from your parent about needing to leave and doing so.

Now, rather than taking notes, you doodle images of those gothic light fixtures across your notebook's page. You've got nearly half the page filled when Mandalay's message comes in.

The group of students in the room aren't too concerned. There were only two reported villains fighting against two classes of aspiring heroes and four pros. But when a group of students who were out for the activity join the class with Vlad King, they give more details and it's difficult to stay optimistic.

Looking out the windows, you struggle to even make out the shapes of the trees and worry about your friend who is out there somewhere in the night's darkness.

Time passes slowly as you try to distract yourself with small illusions in the palm of your hand. When the fuss breaks out in the classroom over whether or not to fight when Aizawa's permission is given, you stay back. You're antsy to find out how Fumikage is doing but you lean towards agreeing with Vlad King that Aizawa meant the message to apply only for self-defense. When Aizawa himself comes in to deal with the fake fiery villain it's only solidified and you must wait oh so impatiently. Worrying about your closest friend, somewhere out in the trees.

When the emergency vehicles begin to arrive after Vlad King's call, students are let out of the building as the area surrounding is found clear of villains and many go out to search for the students littered throughout the forest. Koda is a big help in this effort, communicating with the animals of the area and locating groups of students. He is a quiet boy, but an observant one. He tells you which direction Tokoyami is in hopes to calm your nerves, as soon as you get the information though, you run off to find him immediately and ignore the yelling of the officers telling you that the scene is unclear past the trees.

You run and dodge the obstacles in your path and run faster, you pass Midoriya quickly and find Tokoyami not far from him.

He is quite clearly in shock, standing still with his back to a tree and breathing shallowly. You approach him slowly and announce yourself so you don't scare him. When his sharp gaze makes contact with yours he seems to be broken from his overthinking trance and falls to his knees. You rush over and meet him in the dirt, placing your hands on his shoulders and assessing his body for any big injuries. There doesn't appear to be any so you look back to his face, he looks like a child who just woke up from a nightmare, like he lost everything.

"Tokoyami, breathe.", you realize you need to help him calm down, rubbing your hands up and down his upper arms, longing to hold him as close as possible to reassure yourself as well as him that he is ok.

You remember his words - "It scares me to think of losing control." -

"I did it...I let go. It was so dark and I let him take over." He's not looking you in the eye, shivering, though it's not cold out in the summer evening.

You remember his room, the lights. Using your quirk you recreate the candles and crystal balls, placing them all around the two of you and illuminating the space with a soft purple glow. You slowly surround yourself and him with the light as you continue gently rubbing his arms.

"You're ok though. You're here and you're ok. I'm here with you." Maybe your words served to console yourself slightly more than they worked to console him but you did grab his attention, his eyes lifting to meet yours. "Breathe. You're ok."

He caves into your steady form, hugging you tightly, his arms under yours and head tucked into your chest. His breathing seems more intentional at this point, relieving you. You move your hands from his shoulders to stroke at the feathers on the top of his head.

"I just- it was so fast and Shoji- He- and I couldn't-" He starts rambling, constantly stumbling over his words. You knew he didn't talk much, he preferred only to speak when it was necessary or directly useful for conversation.

"Tell me about it.", you rub up and down his back with one hand.

He takes a few deep, shaky breaths to steady himself before he pours out the story of him losing control to dark shadow. How he was trapped, enveloped in the darkness and at it's mercy as he watched it chase down Shoji and then Midoriya with lethal intent. How he figured out their plan to lure dark shadow over to others who could help and how he prayed to the gods it would work and no one would get hurt in the process. How bright and hot the flashes were next to him as Bakugo and Todoroki blasted their quirks on either side of his body to stop dark shadow. How he was shaking, walking with the others on the way to the summer camp's building before he got captured with Bakugo by a masked villain. The feeling of being trapped in the tiny marble of the villain's quirk. He was almost kidnapped himself along with Bakugo.

He's been talking for some time now, crying into your shirt and holding onto you tightly. He looks up at you then. You're also crying but there's a shakey smile on your lips. The furrow between his brows deepens as he looks at you.

You bring your hands to the sides of his head. "And you're ok?" You look over him again looking for any obvious wounds. "You're ok." You pull him back into a hug with his head on your shoulder and you cry, embracing him as tightly as you can manage. "I was so worried."

You realized as he was talking just how deeply you were in love with him, how much care you had in your aching heart for his safety. It surprised you how well you had been avoiding your feelings, concealing the full extent from even yourself and now you were a wreck. He could have been hurt, he could have hurt others and been unable to deal with the guilt of it, he could have been kidnapped. You held onto him now as if you were attempting to keep him safe from the dangers that were really gone for the time being.

With your arms around him he feels safe. With the lights around the both of you he feels at home. Hearing your heart beat slows his own down to a more healthy pace and he realizes too how much you mean to him. You've always been there for him, you've listened to his concerns, helped him in hero training and regular studying. You had become a part of what home meant to him and you grounded him. These feelings over came him and he reached up to pull your hands from his body to hold them in his own. Pulling away from you just far enough to look you in the eye.

You sat there with him on the forest floor, bodies pressed close and hearts beating loud. He looks you in the eyes for a second before bowing his head to rest his forehead against yours. You close your eyes to soak in the moment while you can.

"Thank you.", he says.

You separate from him by an inch to look questioningly into his eyes.

"You- You being here, the lights. Thank you Y/n. You mean so much to me and this,", he looks around "this is perfect. Thank you." He smiles and huffs out a small laugh, you really made things perfect in your little bubble of light in the woods even after all that's happened, he's calm now with you here.

You're speechless at this. He misses being as close to you as possible and surges forward with a bit too much force, capturing you in his arms before you both hit the soft dirt. You both share a little laugh at this that almost sounds like a sigh of relief and he nuzzles his head into your shoulder.

"You won't have to worry in the future. I want to be with you all the time Y/n, we'll stay close and when the next attack comes we'll fighting side by side."

He says it like no big deal but you hug him back that much tighter. "Close?" You don't want to get your hopes up.

"Close" He turns his head to nudge your cheek and you smile because he's safe and in your arms. Because he's with you and you're with him.

#tokoyami x y/n #tokoyami fumigake #bnha tokoyami #is this hurt/comfort?

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damienthepious · 5 years ago

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I mean literally the last 1000 or so words of chapter 12 lmao but SPECIFICALLY ["Maybe he'd wanna be generous again, just for a second?"] to ["Fine. Helpless little thing. Move aside, will you?"] (shush i'm totally not doing 2 from the same chapter it isn't my fault i swear you just put SO MUCH GOOD SHIT IN IT)

[Pick a short passage from any fanfic I’ve written and send it to me, and I’ll give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet]

FUCK how did i MISS THIS the timestamp says TWO MONTHS AGO and i’ve been out here WHINING about not having and excuse to talk oh my gOD i’m so stupid

CHAPTER 12

["Well…" she pauses, gently turning Damien's hand in her own, biting her lip.] Rilla... shy? Rilla being shy? hhhhhhh she knows this is a long shot. she knows she probably... shouldn’t even want this, let alone ask for it... but...

["I… my hands are a little… shaky, at the moment. Maybe he'd wanna be generous again, just for a second?"] Rilla is having a really, really, really rough night. And she knows, intellectually, that Damien and Arum are both safe. They didn’t really try to kill each other. She didn’t really... burn them to death. but also........ Arum is all the way over there.... and she just... she knows that she shouldn’t want to touch him for non-medical reasons. That’s overstepping, for sure, and she knows with the way she feels that it’s inappropriate. but. but. but. she’s had Damien’s hands in her hair and it’s been so nice and she’s feeling very fucking vulnerable right now and if he helped Damien with something vulnerable while she was gone... maybe? maybe?

[Arum freezes, and then his frill presses to his neck and he glances towards the pair of them with a look of alarm. // "Wh- what do you mean? What do you want?"] Arum, in his usual defensive assumption, thinks he’s being made fun of in some way. He doesn’t actually know what she’s asking for, but he’s just barely past freaked out that she’s going to be angry at him (that she’s going to remember to hate him for his nature) for the cut on Damien’s hand. His frill presses down- he’s scared. And Arum gets aggressive when he’s scared.

[Rilla ducks her head, and then she glances up at the monster and Damien knows what she means, even if Arum does not.] Damien knows Rilla. He’s very, very perceptive, and he pays a hell of a lot of attention to her face, her motions, her moods, her wants. And it’s rare for Rilla to want something and not ask for it directly. Rilla doesn’t keep her desires close to the chest- she gets what she wants because she’s so willing to directly address those feelings. Which means, of course, that she is uncertain about asking for this. A rarity. So. She wants Arum to help Damien braid her hair, but she’s not sure about actually asking. Is she unsure because of Damien? Is she unsure because of Arum? Because of herself? Damien doesn’t quite know why she’s hesitating, but he knows what she wants.

[Damien feels, perhaps, that he should be… concerned, at the very least. Disgusted, even. But…] This chapter is a lot of What Damien Should Feel versus what he does feel. The idea of a monster carding his claws through Rilla’s hair “should” absolutely fill Damien with terror and repulsion. But Arum isn’t just “A Monster”, anymore, is he? Damien isn’t even concerned. What, would Arum have waited and bided his time for the moment he could... get his claws into Rilla’s hair? He could have killed her repeatedly by now. Could have killed either of them, over and over again. It’s barely a shadow of a worry, anymore. It’s just a whisper of Should Should Should. He has to keep reminding himself about it, these days.

["Do you… do you know how to braid, Lord Arum?" he asks, tilting his head, and Arum blinks, and then scowls.] Damien asks. Damien asks. Damien asks. A little less directly than Rilla ordinarily would have, but still. If he can help Rilla he will, but if he cannot do this for her... well... should he leave Rilla’s desires unfulfilled simply because he would not be himself fulfilling them? that phrasing got away from me. Dammit Damien. He doesn’t ask Arum TO braid her hair. He asks, first, if Arum can braid. And Arum already on the defensive, gets growly because it feels like his “skills” are being picked at.

["Of course I do. Don't ask foolish questions."] “of course I do” you fucking... dumbass. It’s a perfectly legitimate question. Damien has no fucking reason to know that you like to fucking weave vines you ridiculous lizard. You don’t have hair it’s a VALID. QUESTION. Jackass.

["Would you… perhaps…] A valid hesitation tbh [would you help me to braid Rilla's hair, again?] aaaaaAAAAAAAA [With my hand…" Damien frowns gently at himself, and he fully expects the monster to snap, to laugh, to bolt.] GOD.... THEY’RE TRYING SO FUCKING HARD TO NAVIGATE AROUND EACH OTHER IM DYING. I WROTE THIS AND I’M DYING. FUCK!!! Snap/Laugh/Bolt. Damien catastrophizes, we know this. This is a minor version of that, but-

Arum could Snap: You think I am some sort of SERVANT for Amaryllis now that she has saved my life? How DARE YOU.

Arum could Laugh: You soft, stupid thing... you want a monster to braid for you? You cut your hand and then wish for me to fix your messes? Do you think we are FRIENDS? [LIZARDY LAUGHTER]

Arum could Bolt: Literally the lizard is so easily embarrassed he could just nyoom from the room at the suggestion. That’s not unrealistic, actually.

[Arum stares, his violet eyes wide and stunned, and then he drops his gaze,] Arum is exactly as surprised as Damien is, that he would actually ask for this. [pulling his hands close to wring awkwardly in front of himself for a moment before he seems to become aware of what he is doing,] hhh oof fuck i love that mental image a LOT actually. Arum thinking about braiding Rilla’s hair and compulsively clutching his own hands, clamping down on the desire, realizing how obviously he is doing it and then forcing himself to stop. we love a touch-starved repressed lizard

[and then without answering he- he crawls closer, bringing himself beside Damien and stubbornly not looking at Rilla as she smiles, breathing a soft laugh.] he was asked. They asked him. Rilla is smiling, and she implied, even if she wasn’t the one who... Arum has been sitting aside since Damien started brushing out Rilla’s hair. He’s been stuck like two feet away, just fucking yearning tbh. He got a go-ahead to come closer and he can even pretend it’s not something he wanted to do anyway. Big Fucking Win for the lizard lord, tbh.

["Fine. Helpless little thing. Move aside, will you?"] And he even gets to be GRUMPY ABOUT IT!!! Act like he’s being IMPOSED upon, and he’s being magnanimous about it. Big Fucking Win for the Lizard.

[Damien shifts, moving to sit beside Rilla instead, and then he gestures for Arum to take his place,] h h h symbolic??? [and the monster does so with a graceless grumble.] performative grumpiness to obscure how fucking much he wants this. he wants this so fucking badly.

[Rilla exhales, her eyes closing again as three of Arum's hands (the fourth, his broken wrist, apparently not quite dexterous enough for the task just yet) sink into Rilla's hair, parting and sectioning it off before he starts to weave an elegant braid slowly down.] He doesn’t hesitate so they don’t have the opportunity to change their minds. Not that they were going to, obviously, but Arum doesn’t know that. And Rilla.... Rilla share some of that around, maybe. Having someone play with your hair is delightful ugh. And this is. all. still from Damien’s perspective. He’s watching. And he’s applying words like ‘elegant’ and ‘dexterous’ to Arum’s hands, and Arum’s handiwork. Mmhm.

ANYWAY sorry this languished in my inbox for TWO GODDAMN MONTHS i love you sweetpea

#<3<3<3<3<3 #scattered meta #elle's fanfic meta #long post #text heavy #shorter-than-her-tbr-pile #asks

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flying-elliska · 5 years ago

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This is really random and I'm kind of a new follower, but from what I could gather you have such a strong opinion on different topics, which I kind of admire bc I find that so important but can't really apply that to myself oftentimes idk. Is it part of your personality or are you trying to be consciously aware to not just 'consume numbly'? Hope that makes sense. And you're giving such good advice?? But an anon has already stated that correctly. Have a lovely day 🎃✨

hey new follower, welcome to you then, glad to have you around <3 that’s a very beautiful compliment, thank you. idk if you were looking for advice too but here it is because it’s late and i can’t help myself apparently lmao. (with the caveat that I too am a moron frequently like anyone)

...

i am sort of a chronic overthinker, so maybe it’s natural. that said, i used to think i didn’t really have an opinion for a long time. i found it difficult to express myself. and i looked up to people who i thought did it well for guidance. so i feel you

i went to a school where we prided ourselves on being able to talk convincingly about things we had zero knowledge about so eh (not that this is a good thing lmao) but i grew past that

i think i realized at some point i just tend to have opinions that are very long winded because i like looking at different sides of an issue. i think part of that is me being a contrary bitch, i don’t like going for the obvious meaning (maybe it’s residual trauma from being raised by someone who had a quasi cult leader type of approach to parenting lol). we are so easily tempted to disappear into the group, or a relationship. i feel like knowing your own mind, defining your own self image, seeing past the easy judgments and surface meanings, being able to understand reality on your own terms, is one of the deepest, most urgent forms of freedom. also empathy - which does not automatically mean endorsement - and trying to understand things and people from their own logic.

we tend to assign error or folly or bad intentions very easily. but it’s often because of the limits of our own understanding. and well, i have a weird brain. i grew up feeling like some sort of alien, often misunderstanding people, social habits, my own mind. so constant overanalysis is to me, the survival strategy that came the most naturally. and so as not to let my brain eat itself, i have gotten pretty good at figuring out what’s relevant and what’s nonsense ( i still could get better at it tbh). but part of me is constantly checking myself so i don’t do something terrible or terribly embarassing. wouldn’t wish that on anyone tbh. i am increasingly learning not to oversimplify myself for public consumption. my mindscape is a jungle, so be it. what’s the shape of yours ?

i also grew up in a lot of different social spheres. i met people from all sorts of social backgrounds, from billionaires who owned private beaches and designed jewllery for fun to people living in trailers without electricity or in the street, from prissy heiresses who believed using the wrong fork was a sin to best friends who had to work since middle school to help their parents. from all sorts of creeds, from wayward soldier priests baptising people in streams to new age ‘shamans’ whose houses smelled of pee, from staunch atheists to adorable nuns living in stone villages in the mountains and wild mama bear witches. from all sorts of politics, from faithful anarchists to political exiles fleeing dictatorships to crypto-royalists and decrepit neo-colonialist conservatives. from all sorts of cultures too. i think that’s the fave part of my childhood. people are just so interesting. but everyone operates within their own specific world, and you can’t judge people from your own perspective. of course there are things that are universally right or wrong but beyond that, you have to get into the world in which they move, understand its rules. see how it intersects with others. a lot of social interactions are role play. once you get that, you get the codes, you can move in any circle. (also : very rich people can be so unbelievably boring. they buy into their own hype so much, like spoiled babies. nothing to be very impressed about.) People wear façades and play different roles to different people; that’s not always a bad thing, after all parents have to be strong for their kids even when they’re scared. But now you’re an adult (or getting there) don’t let yourself be too mystified

also : power. dynamics of power are everywhere all the time. if you’re not aware of them, that’s a mark of privilege. ( in the end, who profits ? is this building empowerment for people and communities or is it stripping it away ?) but they’re not totally all consuming either. there’s also always agency, and chaos, and possibility. and compassion.

i think it’s important to accept that it’s okay not to have an opinion on everything. and also that it’s always growing, evolving, deepening. it’s possible you taught yourself, out of survival instinct or habit or something else, not to trust your own heart/brain/intuition/experience. I don't think it's anyone's natural state to just consume numbly. i’m sure you can step beyond that, everybody can. also ; learn how to embrace being destabilized. there is always this one moment between knowing something, learning you don’t really, and then getting a deeper perspective, that is scary, but it’s okay. you can come back to your center. like any sort of growth, really engaging with difference implies discomfort ; bear it, it’s worth it.

i think any opinion that is too static is likely to turn into bullshit in the long run. like a good wine, it should gain in complexity with age. also : read up on sociology/anthropology if you haven’t already there’s just so much good stuff in there (and a lot of bullshit too lol) about what it means to be human and cultures and how minds work and symbols and etc etc. and find good news sources because it can be very easy to feel disgusted by the world otherwise. and read as much and as diversely as you can

find things to love about thinking ? for me it’s ; i don’t believe in this binary between mind/body, feelings/reason etc, i think it’s bullshit and they all influence each other. and so does our environment. we learned to think by looking at and interacting with nature. some of our neurons are in our stomach. we’re made of star stuff. we grow by engaging with others. and not to sound like a hippie but that shit is breathtaking bro. we encoded the world with stories and symbols and use them to tell ourselves and each other stories and built community and we’re all the time engaged in this web weaving. so i see and i want to see more and more thinking like this organic, tangible process.

in the end, what is it important for you to have an opinion about ? i think it’s about passion, and love, and justice, and truth. what do you want to be moved by ? what do you want to honor with your possibilities for learning and knowledge ? where you invest your energy and time, you invest your life.when you have something you are passionate about, it will be much easier to express the subtlety and depth of a meaningful opinion about it. and then you can apply that to other areas of your life.

personally i want to (i have to) live like a diplomat, as a balancing act, with elegance and the ability to make tough decisions with grace, moving between all the layers of life and bearing gifts from one to the next. and i want to be able to move people, and give them the kind of stories and knowledge that are tools for them to heal and be happy and make the world better.

i have my work to do, like everyone else, of sorting through my shadows and making the dream stuff intelligible. in the end it’s all about finding an authentic life. your own inner logic. the bonds that nourish it, and what you want to give.

and i think once you find that is for you, i think finding your voice, an opinion that is truly yours and not copy pasted from some one else, will be much easier to start weaving. but don’t worry ; it happens in small steps. i bet you’re already on your way.

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