#cam and red are incapable of that

[bathroom-sand]

cameron and red turning into irrelevant coasters is so… dark sided. these men were supposed to be pre-jury boots but literally nobody cares about them and they have no lights on upstairs. coasters are supposed to be fun and entertaining and meme worthy— these men are the human equivalents of ceiling stucco

[obigem]

From within the compound HANSEL's voice echoed into existence.

"Leanne, your assistance is needed." The AI chirped.

"I told you already, I will not watch Lost Dog's Way Home one single more time with you. With each watch it just becomes more and more illogical!"

"My dear Leanne, you just don't understand great cinema."

"You're incapable of guilting me into watching more of that movie, HANSEL."

"I'll never surrender that fight, but your assistance is required for something different. The artist is here!"

"Oh. How does he look?"

"He's wearing the most delightful little hat. It has a feather in it. Oh, and he told me a joke. It didn't right away register as funny, however."

"Hmm. Your preliminary assessment is insufficient, HANSEL. Send him in. I'll do the evaluating from here."

"This way, sir." HANSEL's voice chirped back to life as the front door flung open.

On the inside he could see standing a redhead in a lime green dress. Albert had mentioned a red haired woman that unnerved him, could this be her? His nerves spiked but he maintained a smile.

"So you're the artist?" Leanne gave him the once over, eyebrow arched.

"Uh, yeah, that's me, the artist. Super artsy. Art is my passion totally."

She stared back at him blankly, and he got even more nervous.

"Oh, right, I should introduce myself. My name is Cameron Fletcher."

"Art is your passion, huh?" She was still looking at him quite hard, but up close, he could see that this woman was in fact an android. Her design was impressive. This Mr. V was something else. He had a million questions about the synthetic skin he used, but he held back from gushing.

"Oh, my manners," Cam quickly collected himself and took her hand. "It's nice to meet you! Leanne, right?" He shook her hand.

"Yes." She said with disdain. "So, Mr. Fletcher, I'm to report to Mr. V what kind of artist you are. Have you completed many sculptures?"

"Many? Oh, umm, who can say?" He laughed nervously trying to dodge the question and keep from out right lying.

"I would think you, since you are the artist, correct?"

"The artist? Mmmhmm, yup. That's me!"

Her expression changed. "So Mr. Fletcher, have you ever killed anyone?"

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Wait, requests are open again?! If you have the time, would it be alright for some more of Pops teasing Kai for grandkids again? I love the two of them bickering and couldn't help but ask for more of Pops annoying his boy😂

"That's it! I refuse to have this conversation again with you old man." You let out a confused sound at your husband complaining, once again nothing new, and the sounds of your father in law barking in laughter echoing on the halls as Chisaki barged in the room and closed with a scoff.

Knowing that by the flustered expression and the pink covering the cheeks of the man you loved you could already tell what had happened between Pops and Kai.

"So?" You giggled, letting your book aside as he groaned with his head hung low "How was the talk?"

"Can you even believe he mentioned us having twins this time dearest?" He sighed heavily as you chuckled,his fingers pinching between the distance of his eyebrows "I swear to God doesn't he have other topics to discuss?"

"Well, in his defense I would love to have a mini you around here." You giggled at the embarrassment on his glare he sended to you "But, we will have a kid when both of us is ready capo, no need to stress out about it."

His shoulders dropped just a tad bit of the tension he was holding before sighing.

"Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this."

"For pops is still a miracle that you married someone honey so-"

"I meant deserve you, idiot." He groaned while flicking your forehead.

"Oh!" He couldn't help but chuckle at the sudden realization of yours and that sweet little laugh you let it out.

.

.

He was writing until the door of his office opened to reveal pops and a subbordinate carrying a tray of drinks. Chisaki lifted one of his eyebrows at the sign as the older male waved at the subbordinate and thanked him for bringing the tray of tea.

"My boy, please take a break. I cam see your veins popping on tagt forehead of yours."

"I have work to do."

"Can't spare some time with the old man?" The elder smirked at the defeat on Chisaki's face before the young man sit up and brought himself close to the man and took a seat in front of the coffee table.

"So, how are things going?" The elder asked with a serene smile and eyes closed as he took a sip of his mug with one hand as Chisaki eyes hardened at the sound.

"I live in the same house as yours Pops, you know how "are things going" as you counted yourself." The elder chuckled before putting the cup down and staring at Chisaki suddenly with a serious expression.

"My boy, I do know you have basically every damn day relations with (Y/n)." Chisaki gagged as his face almost exploded as the elder put on a thoughtful expression "I mean, the whole Hassaikai can even hear it so-"

"Pops what the actual-" the man sluttered in embarrassment as the elder lifted a hand to stop.

"So, if I have the hope to still have some grandkids in here I have to take drastic measures... are you perhaps infertile or just incapable of giving me a grandkid?" The man smirked at the utter embarrassment and the subtle anger on Chisaki wide eyes and face that was almost red wine color.

"What the absolute fuck Pops?"

"Oh I see. So maybe we could run some tests then... or I can just poke the condoms you use with a needle and nada bom badabum here's a child for you!" The elder laughed at the horror and embarrassment on his adopted son's face as he slapped his knee "Cmon my boy I'm just messing with you! Sorta."

"SORTA?!" the male laughed at how Kai's voice cracked.

"I-I mean I still want some grandkids so-" the older male laughed, not even finishing his sentence as Kai stood abruptly "Where y-you're going kid? Making sure I will not sabotage your intercourse or something?"

"I'm done. I'm done with this nonsense. I'm done with this talk. And done with you." He pointed at the man laughing on his office before storming out.

"Haha classic." The elder wiped a tear off "never fails when I need a good old laugh."

.

.

.

You squealed at the door of the room being stormed as you saw Chisaki holding a paper up.

"That old geezer was wrong, freacking wrong. I'm not infertile piece of crap. I can have as many brats as I want fucking stupid old shit-" you, with wide eyes watched your husband storm to the bathroom as you blinked.

What just happened...?

[annarendellsa]

my heathers headcanons

it's the way i see them and draw them, you don't have to agree! this is based on both the musical and the movie

CW: mention of suic*de and e*ting disorders (bulimia) as well as various mental illnesses

Heather Duke

• heather duke is aromantic and yes its because she wears green, have you seen her socks in the off broadway musical? /hj

• more seriously, she IS aromantic but it took some time for her to figure out. she is allo but she doesn't label her sexuality, and she was always confused and frustrated to experience sexual attraction but never romantic attraction; she had a hard time accepting this part of herself.

• post heathers: maybe she discovers about non binary identities and asks her girlfriends to test out they/them pronouns on her? idk? aro-agender duke?

• she also struggles with empathy as she is naturally apathic

• and she's putting this image of a cold mean girl because she believes she can only be that given she's aro and ND

• post musical: she had no idea mcnamara actually tried to commit suic*de and when veronica tells her she breaks down in tears and spend a few days writing an apology letter to mcnamara

• post musical: mcnamara helps her to develop her compassion, knowing it's not her fault she's incapable of empathy. she didn't have to forgive her, but they did, and it really motivates duke to become a better person and be as nice as her

• post musical: she sees a doctor! she eventually recovers from her bulimia. veronica and mac are 100% supportive of her recovery, and very proud

• she gets bigger as part of her recovery and learns to embrace it

• duke is very pale with really dark and thick hair and eyebrows, soft features and quite a lot of body hair

• you know the bootleg where duke has blonde hair? when she's on the tv she speaks german and i vibe with german duke now

• duke Cannot say fuck and if someone is prude/innocent/idk it's her. the why are you pulling my dick was just to fluster veronica i think

Heather McNamara

• they use she/they pronouns!! just because. she still identifies as a girl though

• mac is autistic of course, it's like semi canon in the musical

• since she's very tall (movie) she stims while standing like being on the tip of her toes or rocking back and forth and the others can be quite annoyed because she moves a lot but they never snap at her

• post musical: veronica finds her stimming endearing and they know it's safe to stim around her, especially since veronica stims herself

• post musical: mac hums as a stim too and you can often find macnamawyer snuggling on the floor while humming in harmonies together

• she used to mask a LOT and it played a big part in her depression. she knows they had to stop themselves from stimming when she was a heather, she had been the weird kid in middle school but now that chandler took her under her wing, she has to pretend to be NT in order to stay in the lifeboat (😭)

• she's a lesbian!! of course she is

• she knows it since she is in middle school and has been """gal pals"""" with chandler since them but she still struggles with it she has comphet yk, but still less than chandler

• chanamara definitely practiced kissing together "to be ready when we'll have to kiss boys" 👀👀👀

• chandler always had a soft spot for mac and tried to hide it by being cruel to duke

• post musical: it took mac some time to understand that duke had nothing against her personally. she was chill with them until chandler died. from that moment she had to prove herself as the new queen bee and mac was a collateral victim

• duke definetely gave her trauma though and mac is in the process of trusting her again

• mac themselves is not a cinnamon roll just yet and she still has to make up for what they've done to others

• mcnamara has nicknames like mcNcheese or macaroni (veronica came up with those)

• they're also a vegetarian and she loves yellow food

• like she ever only eats yellow food actually (autistic thing). that girl is deficient! part of why she looks that fragile and thin

• also i see mcnamara as mixed race with golden/light brown skin and they have this type of curly curly hair but she straightens it all the time so it's only just wavy (once again, to blend in with the heathers)

• her natural hair colour is actually a dark strawberry blonde? her dad is irish and he's a redhead that's why (stole this from @cam-eats-candles hehe) but she dyes it so it's lighter

• post musical: she starts wearing her natural hair!! and goes with her mom to the afro hairdresser to start to get her curls done right (cornrows mac!!)

• their parents divorced (movie) and it's for the best. mac has daddy issues and only goes to her dad to get cute jewellery for their girlfriends 💖 (he doesn't just sell engagement rings. a lot of regular expensive rings, really)

• she's not a baby, she's not weak nor completely innocent and pure!! the girl is a head cheerleader, she's strong and flexible as hell.

Heather Chandler

• heather chandler is Also a lesbian BUT she is on the ace spectrum like demisexual? so yeah she's double disgusted when she "sleeps" with men

• as a queen bee she's also convinced that the only way to exist is through male validation :(

• chandler is taller than duke and veronica but shorter than mac

• chandler's skin is like rosy and it freckles very easily. i see her with the same cloudylike hair she has in the movie, dark blonde, with the red scrunchie only holding back some of her hair

• she is Buff and is genuinely into sports (lesbian jock like regina george)

• she has a sharp hourglass shape her shoulders are broad and her legs long and strong. she could lift veronica against a wall easily. and she did

Veronica Sawyer

• ADHD!! she's been diagnosed for a while but only became medicated post musical

• bisexual!! so bisexual!! without a preference. she's always been open and proud about it and her parents are supportive

• for me veronica is brown, with thick and dark hair and dark brown eyes, midsize, average height

Martha Dunnstock

• that's canon i know, but she's fat, and not the socially acceptable-hourglass kind of fat. big arms! big tummy! double chin! (i see fanart of her just being chubby quite often and it's ANNOYING like that's a big part of her character)

• she's perfectly healthy like this as are many fat people :))

• i also like the hc that her attempt at sewer slide made her permanently disabled and that she keeps using a wheelchair! because it happens, it's important to show it, and it gives me a lot of ideas for cute kindergarten girlfriends prompts 💓💓

• of course realistically being fat AND physically disabled in the 80's was and is not an easy thing to go through but it's in my head so

• she's also a tiny bit taller than veronica

• i don't hate the outfit she wears in the off broadway show, but I like her west end outfit better!! it's a lot more 80's inspired and i totally see her in kidcore/clowncore etc, even if pastels are cool too

• in the current west end version, martha is played by a black woman and she looks amazing! however I've been drawing and imagining martha as east/south east asian, for no reason really?? also idk kinda rubs me the wrong way that in the more official versions of heathers it's always duke that is black, or martha? not the others? hmm

• i'm not comfortable with hcs that exclusively babyfy her or patronise her like a bunny rabbit just bc she's a fat outcast who likes unicorns!! she's not just cute and giggly! martha can and does swear and she Fucks, like mcnamara

• big round glasses + big nose + long brown hair

• taking inspiration from the princess bride line but she's a huge movie nerd. yes she loves happy endings but she also loves horror movies, as long as they have a happy ending

• she never gets a makeover omg y'all just hate people with glasses and a childish aesthetic istg

• she takes this aesthetic further though and

• post musical and high school: she doesn't just wear baggy clothes anymore as she only did that to prevent more bullying. she develops an unique style with a lot of pink and glitter and she's awesome

------

ok this is getting long ill probably do more!! tell me what you think <3

[kanerallels]

"There is no unspoken thing between us."

"Well, that's a Catch-22. Because if you said there was, it would be spoken, and then you'd be a liar. So by saying there isn't, you're telling the truth, and admitting there is."

Marvel quote—and you know which couple this is for 😉

Oh, you KNOW I do!!!

Pairing: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla

Word Count: 3,559

Warnings/Tags: Rated G (for the fetching green vest Kanan's wearing)

Read on AO3!

Having deep cover operatives in the Empire was an important part of running a spy network. They gave Kanan some of his best information and helped him sneak the objects of the Empire’s rage right out from under the ISB’s nose more often than not.

But it could be a little inconvenient when he needed to pick up data from them. Because it almost inevitably involved him getting into some kind of ridiculous disguise and sneaking into some place the Empire didn’t want him in.

Case in point, he thought wryly, smoothing down the front of the fancy vest he was wearing over his dress shirt. “How do I look?” he asked, his voice quiet enough that none of the guests around him could hear.

“Ridiculous as always,” Kasmir’s voice came from the earpiece he wore, and Kanan rolled his eyes. The rest of the Yellow Submarine’s crew had demanded that he wear it, partially because they were bored and partially because Kasmir claimed Kanan had a habit of not giving them proper updates about what was going on. So they’d hacked the security cameras, and Kanan was set up with an earpiece. “Otherwise you’re fine. Remind me what your plan is again?”

Claiming a glass of champagne from a nearby waiter, Kanan muttered, “Blend in while I wait for our contact to drop off the intel at the dead drop, then go there as soon as I get the signal. After that I get the kriff out of here as soon as possible.”

As he took a drink of the bubbly drink, Ezra said, “Sounds boring. Actually, this whole party looks boring. Just a bunch of grown ups in fancy clothing drinking alcohol and sucking up to each other.”

“Welcome to adult parties for the rich and tyrannical,” Kasmir told him, and Kanan had to stifle a grin. “They all suck.”

Unfortunately, Kanan couldn’t disagree. The Empire’s parties mainly consisted of flaunting their fabulousness to everyone else, but really just came off as self-absorbed. Luckily for him, this particular party had been incredibly easy to sneak into.

Taking another sip from the champagne glass, Kanan swept a glance around the room again-- and spotted his contact. The light-haired man, clad in a dark dress uniform, swept out of a door, his steps brisk and business-like as he passed by. He didn't give Kanan a backwards glance, but Kanan could tell he knew he was there.

“Alright, I'm on the move,” he said softly.

“About time,” Kasmir complained. “This is incredibly boring.”

Stepping through the doorway his contact had come out of, Kanan pointed out, “You're the ones who wanted to listen in.”

“Yeah, but I prefer blaming you,” the Kalleran said as Kanan moved into the room. It was some kind of sitting room, with a few armchairs here and there, and a small table in one corner.

Tuning out Kasmir, who was continuing to grumble, Kanan began searching the room. The table turned up nothing, so he moved to one of the armchairs. Dropping into it, he slid his hands down the side and into the cracks. A grin spread across his face as one hand encountered a slim rectangular shape. Bingo.

Pulling the datacard out, Kanan slipped it into the pocket of his vest. Cutting off Kasmir, he said, “I've got the intel. On my way out.”

He slipped out of the sitting room again, and a quick glance around the room made it clear that he’d been neither missed nor spotted. Time to get out of here, he thought.

Making a beeline for the door, Kanan paused to swipe a mini jogan cream cake from a waiter. He popped it in his mouth-- and nearly choked at the sound of a familiar laugh. A far too familiar laugh.

Spinning around, Kanan searched the crowd behind him. No way. No kriffing way. But even as he thought it, his gaze landed on where a handful of people were dancing to the elegant music in the background. And his eyes were drawn to a green-skinned Twi’lek woman, dancing with an Imperial officer and wearing a smile he knew had to be fake.

Some kind of makeup obscured the markings on Hera’s lekku, and she was a ways away from Kanan, but he’d recognize her anywhere. Especially that voice, which he could hear speaking in her native Ryl accent even from that distance. Who knew she had an accent? He mused.

“KANAN!!”

Kanan nearly jumped when he heard Kasmir shout his name in his earpiece. “Kriffing-- don’t do that,” he hissed, turning away from the crowd so no one would see him moving his lips.

“What are you hesitating for? It’s time to get out of there,” Kasmir urged. “We’re not even supposed to be here, ya know.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Kanan said. “I just, uh, might not be back right away.”

“What? Why not-- oooh. Mini kid, check the cams.”

“On it!” Ezra chirped in the background.

Ignoring them, Kanan turned back to the crowd, scanning until he spotted Hera again, still dancing with the same Imp, her movements graceful. What is she doing here? If someone spots her-- okay, calm down, Kanan. She can take care of herself, and you’re not technically responsible for watching her back.

No matter how much you wished you were, whispered some part of him, the part of him that occasionally told him to please forget all of the spy stuff and talk to Hera.

In his ear, there was a gasp. “I KNEW IT. Hera’s here, guys!!!” Ezra’s voice was unreasonably excited as he spoke. “What is she doing here? Kanan, does she know you’re here? Are you gonna talk to her? What do you think she’ll--”

“Kasmir,” Kanan said, cutting off his apprentice, “I’m going off coms. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“You’re doing WHAT? Wait, kid, don’t you dare--”

Kasmir's voice was abruptly cut off as Kanan plucked his earpiece out and stuck it in his pocket. He had no doubt he'd be getting a good chewing out over this later from Kasmir. But Kanan also had a feeling it would be worth it.

He headed toward the dancers, weaving through the crowd and keeping his gaze locked on Hera. As he drew closer, he felt his heartbeat pick up slightly.

Hera was always beautiful, there was no denying that. When Kanan had first met her, he'd been literally incapable of speech standing across from her. And he had a feeling he was going to have a very similar problem now.

She wore a dark red dress, the short sleeves made of a dark gauzy fabric. Silver lace patterns covered the whole thing, shimmering in the light with Hera's every movement. It was mesmerizing.

Kanan suddenly realized he was staring. Kriff. Alright, try and focus, Jarrus.

Slipping past a few more guests, he stepped out of the crowd and onto the dance floor just as Hera and her partner moved up near him. “May I cut in?” he asked.

The Imperial officer dancing with Hera looked like he wanted to argue, but one glance at Kanan changed his mind quickly. He stepped back, and Kanan moved forward smoothly, sweeping Hera back into the dance.

Hera’s gaze flicked up to him, a demure smile crossing her face-- and Kanan saw the moment when she realized it was him and not some Imperial. “Wha-- Kanan?”

~ ~ ~

As Hera gaped at him in shock, she saw a grin crossing Kanan’s face. “I’d bet this is the last place you expected to see me,” he said, his deep voice low and remarkably self satisfied.

“You could say that,” Hera agreed, recovering quickly.

It hadn’t been too difficult to slip into the party. All Hera had had to do was bat her eyelashes a few times and the Imps were basically falling over themselves to let her in. While it was useful, it did also get on her nerves a little, even if she was used to the way most people looked at her species these days.

Kanan, on the other hand, didn’t exactly have the same qualifications. Frowning, she asked, “How did you get in here?”

“Does it matter?” Kanan kept his voice low as they kept dancing, and Hera had to admit-- he was a good dancer, better than she would have expected.

He was also dressed better than she would have expected-- a crisp olive green dress shirt, the sleeves pushed up, under an emerald green vest with a high collar, trousers of the same olive green, and brown boots. His hair was back in it’s usual ponytail, and he wore a slight grin.

He looked good-- which Hera would never give him the satisfaction of admitting. She would only admit to herself how her heartbeat sped up slightly at his proximity, at the feeling of his hand resting on her waist.

Taking a quick breath, she said, “Probably not. Although I do wonder what you’re doing here, I have to admit.”

“Free hors d’oeuvres,” Kanan said breezily. “Nothing tastes better than expensive Imperial wine, especially when you’re not supposed to drink it. How about you? I have a feeling you’re not here for the canapes, or whatever they’re serving.”

“Not exactly,” Hera said. “But I’m not sure talking to you about it is the best idea. After all, you’ve made it very clear you’re not interested.”

“Really? That’s what you think? I thought you knew that wasn’t true at all.”

Giving him a look, Hera said, “In the cause.”

“Oh, that.” Kanan made a face. “I liked what I was talking about better.”

“I’m sure you did.”

A slight smile curved Kanan’s mouth, and he studied her for a few seconds as they danced. “When are we going to do something about this unspoken thing we have going on?”

“What?” Hera blinked, surprised that he’d actually said something. “No-- there’s no unspoken thing between us.”

Shrugging, Kanan deftly spun her out as he said, “Well, that’s a Catch-22, because if you said there was, it would be spoken and you’d be a liar. So by saying there isn’t--” he pulled her back in, this time closer than she had been. Hera felt her heartbeat pick up again at the sheer closeness of him.

“--you’re telling the truth and admitting there is,” Kanan finished. His gaze caught hers, and he studied her for a moment with those teal eyes of his. Hera saw his eyes drop to her lips, and caught her breath, wondering for a moment what he would do, and how she would react to it.

Focus, Hera, she told herself sternly. You need to finish up here and get back to the crew. Clearing her throat, she said, “I don’t really have time for your flirting, dear. I have a mission to finish, sooner rather than later.”

“What’s your rush?” Kanan asked lightly.

“Well, let’s just say I have a new crew member, and I’d prefer to get back before she destroys the ship,” Hera said wryly. “She’s a little… temperamental.”

“Sounds like fun,” Kanan said. “Alright, how can I help?”

Giving Kanan an unimpressed look, Hera said, “We just had this conversation. You don’t want anything to do with the cause.”

“You know me so well,” Kanan said, smirking. “But I’m not doing this for the cause. Trust me.”

The pointed intonation at the end of his sentence didn’t really surprise Hera. However, that wasn’t exactly about to change her answer. “That’s not terribly reassuring,” she said.

“Hey, you know I’m capable,” Kanan pointed out. “And you don’t have to trust me here. But I’m willing to help.

“Alright-- what are you asking in return?” Hera asked.

To her surprise, a stung look flashed across Kanan’s face. “Nothing. I’m not always looking for some kind of payout, you know.”

Kriff. Hera grimaced, well aware she’d put her foot in her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said, coming to a stop on the dance floor and making sure she had Kanan’s attention. “That was stupid of me. You’re right, and I should have seen it. I know you better than that.”

And she did, strange though it seemed.

“Thanks,” Kanan said quietly, his voice serious for once. He paused, then said, “Now where are we going?”

Hera paused, darting a glance around the room. Luckily, the owner of the house was distracted at the bar. “This way,” she told him, grabbing him by the hand. She pulled him off the dance floor and through the crowd, heading for a door on the far side of the room. Kanan followed her willingly, and together they slipped through the door in question.

The door led them into a dark hallway, and Hera led the way forward, Kanan on her heels. “Let’s hope we don’t run into any other party-goers,” she muttered. “This could be a potential awkward situation.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I hear public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable,” Kanan suggested, and Hera let out a sigh.

“Do you ever stop?”

“Not unless I have to. What’s the plan here?”

“I’m trying to break into the main office,” Hera told him. “It should be a little ways away from here. All you need to do is watch my back. Oh, and come up with a good excuse if we’re caught.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Kanan said easily. “Just lead the way, Captain Hera.”

They didn’t have far to go before they reached the door Hera had been looking for, and stepped inside. The office was large and elaborate, with wood panelling and an extremely expensive vase on the desk.

Moving behind the desk, Hera booted up the console and pulled up her skirt to reveal the holster strapped to her leg, holding her blaster and a datacard to download the intel she needed. Pulling out the datacard, she glanced at Kanan, fully expecting him to be watching her.

To her surprise, he had his gaze fixed on the door, and was rather steadfastly not looking at her. Maybe he’s got a bit of chivalry left after all, Hera mused. Who would have thought?

She let her skirt drop and inserted the datacard into the console, tapping at the screen to find the information she needed. “This shouldn’t take more than a few minutes,” she told Kanan.

Glancing back at Hera, Kanan said, “Well, that’s good. This way, we might have time for something else. Maybe a little more dancing, that kind of thing.”

“What part of ‘I need to get back to my ship before a teenage Mandalorian tears it to pieces’ did you not understand?” Hera shot back.

“Oh, come on,” Kanan said with a sigh. “Seriously, though-- when was the last time you did anything for yourself instead of your cause? You deserve a night off.”

“And it just happens to be with you?” Hera said, feeling a smile twitch across her lips in spite of herself.

Kanan shrugged nonchalantly, a gleam in his eye. “It’s an added bonus.”

“Hmm.” For a moment, Hera let herself think about what it would be like to just spend the rest of the night out. Dancing, food, maybe a little flirting. It sounded fun. Like something she might have done in a different world, if she hadn’t been fighting the Empire, and she’d met Kanan under different circumstances. “That sounds… nice. Fun, even.”

“Can’t let the Empire stop you from having fun,” Kanan pointed out, leaning against the desk as he caught her gaze. “I’ll buy you a drink. Who knows, you might even enjoy yourself--”

Then Hera saw him freeze, his eyes going wide. “What is--” she started, and the door hissed open.

“Wha-- what are you doing in here?” demanded a brusque Imperial voice, and the owner of the house stalked into view. Hera saw a “well, kriff” expression flash across Kanan’s face.

“Wait-- are you--” the owner started. Moving fast, Kanan grabbed the vase on the desk, spun around and smashed it over the man’s head.

As the Imp crumpled to the ground, Kanan turned to Hera. “Time to go,” he said.

“Definitely,” Hera said as the console let out a beep. “I have what I need anyways.” Pulling out the datacard, she slipped it back into her holster, and she and Kanan made for the door.

They hadn’t gotten far before an alarm started going off. “Looks like we’ve been spotted,” Kanan muttered, his brows furrowing.

“Do you have a ride out of here?” Hera asked.

“Yeah-- follow me.”

Kanan headed back the way they’d come, pushing open the door that lead into the room where the party was being held. Hera hesitated for a second, then darted after him as he shouldered his way through the somewhat confused crowd.

They’d made it halfway through the crowd when the doors burst open, and an irate voice shouted, “STOP THAT TWI’LEK!!”

Hera heard Kanan breathe a curse quietly as she pulled her blaster out from under her dress. “Keep things stealthy until we don’t have to,” she muttered.

“Yeah, that’s going really well so far,” he hissed.

“You’re the one who smashed a vase over someone’s head!”

“Well, you shot down my other idea!”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Hera said, “So help me, you’re going to drive me--”

She was cut off by a hand clamping down onto her shoulder. “Here she is!” someone shouted. “I’ve caught the intrud-- ugh!”

Hera spun smoothly, twisting away from the man who’d grabbed her, and slammed her fist into his throat. As the man dropped to the ground, clutching at his throat, Kanan grabbed her by the hand and pulled her forward. “Remind me never to make you that mad,” he said.

“You’ve come very close, dear,” Hera shot back.

“Have I mentioned you look amazing tonight?”

“You’re not helping your situation. Wait-- are we heading for the window?”

“You’re about to find out how I got into this place,” Kanan said, a grim smile crossing his face.

Releasing Hera’s hand, he didn’t stop in his tracks as he grabbed a bar stool and heaved it through the window, shattering the glass. Shards of it flew everywhere, and Hera heard screams as Kanan came to a stop next to the window.

“Come on!” he said, holding out his hand.

Hera darted forward, glancing down as Kanan’s hand wrapped around hers. A speeder was parked a few feet below them. “Creative,” she observed.

“I’m a creative guy,” Kanan quipped, then ducked as blaster fire zipped past them. Lifting her own blaster, Hera shot back at the stormtroopers who were flooding into the room. “Time to go!” Kanan said, and jumped, Hera leaping after him.

They landed in the speeder in an undignified pile, and Kanan immediately scrambled into the passenger’s seat. “Get us out of here!”

“On it,” Hera said, switching on the speeder and tossing Kanan her blaster. “Make yourself useful, please!”

“Yes, Captain Hera,” Kanan said, lifting his blaster and firing at the stormtroopers that were crowding into the window. Hera let out a triumphant sound as the engines roared to life.

“We’re out of here.” Slamming on the acceleration, they leaped forward. Kanan let out an undignified yelp, and Hera suppressed a smile as they zipped away from the building and into traffic.

It didn’t take them long to disappear, out of sight from the Imperials. Leaning back in his seat, Kanan remarked, “It’s been way too long since I’ve flown with you. You’re still as incredible as you used to be.”

Hera felt a small smile flash across her face. Kanan’s real compliments were somehow much nicer than his casual flirting. “Thanks. Now, where are we heading?”

“You can drop me off up here,” Kanan said, pointing. “It’s not technically my speeder, so you can take it wherever you need to go.” Pausing, he added, “Or we could find something to eat. Have a drink, maybe…”

Hera found herself hesitating, to her own surprise. Because part of her wanted to say yes, which she definitely didn’t expect. Maybe some of that flirting was actually starting to rub off on her.

But at the end of the day, she was working with the Rebellion, and Kanan refused to commit to something like that. And she really did have to get back. “Not this time,” she said, bringing them to a stop at the roadside. “I have work to do. Thank you, though, for your help with this.”

“Any time,” Kanan said, giving her a half-smile. “Until next time, Captain Hera.” Catching hold of her hand, he bent down and pressed a gentle kiss against the back of it.

Hera’s eyes widened, a slight flush spreading over her at the unexpected gesture, and Kanan shot her a wink. “Couldn’t let you leave without a souvenir, could I?” He vaulted over the side of the speeder and headed down the street, looking supremely satisfied.

Despite herself, Hera felt a smile crossing her face. Typical Kanan. Gunning the engines, she took off down the street, heading back to the Ghost and her next mission. Trying to pretend like a certain gunslinger wasn’t still in the back of her mind.

She had a feeling that wouldn’t work very well, though. Kanan never made things like that easy. But Hera was starting to wonder if she actually minded.

[motownfiction]

will: 54, 73, 78

daniel: 80, 53, 38

lucy: 54, 75, 76

very obsessed with the fact that there are no doyles in this ask … daniel marrying sadie does not make him a doyle!

for ✨will✨

54. does your OC think with his/her head or heart?

will thinks with his head, but it’s all about what makes sense to will. it might not resemble someone else’s (lucy’s) logic … it’s just his. if will believes that wearing red will help him to pass a math test, he’ll do it. it might be absolutely bizarre to the person across from him, and even then, he simply does not care. will also cares about making sure that things are just so. he wants things to work as they’re intended to, while other people (lucy) just want things to work. he’s also the kind of person who will not follow a rule if he doesn’t understand why it’s a rule, but if he understands it, he follows it like a hall monitor on a multi-cam sitcom.

73. what is your OC’s favorite form of entertainment?

you know, i think will likes movies! he doesn’t necessarily seek out, like, art flicks or anything. but he likes going to the movies, and he likes tentpole/event films in his teens and twenties. now that he’s older, of course, his tastes have sharpened and refined. but will saw star wars like thirteen times in the summer of 1977 when he was ten years old. i can also see will liking action/adventure films in general … he really, really liked mission: impossible when it debuted in ’96, but he had to act like he hated it because of how big of a hit it was/how often it was quoted and parodied in other texts/tom cruise in general. i don’t think he liked top gun, though. i think he was too busy raising a two-year-old child and going to college.

78. what is your OC’s favorite time of day?

will is an early-evening kind of guy, especially in the summertime. it’s when he feels like his muscles can relax, and he can really take a good, long breath. he’s a lot more stressed than he’s willing to admit, so the early evening is good for him. he probably won’t admit this or anything, but “in the cool, cool, cool of the evening” is sort of his unofficial theme song. i love him

for ✨daniel✨

38. how does your OC react to/handle stress?

if you are ever stressed, daniel deluca is the guy you want on your team. he’s almost incapable of feeling it. even in the most stressful, hectic, and simply awful of times, he can find a way to be relaxed and optimistic. he just breathes through it. you’d think he would be terrible in a crisis because he has such a gentle nature, but he’s not. he can lead you out of any stressful situation. something clicks for him when he gets into hot water. he’s like ice – the coolest person any of his friends will ever know.

53. what is the health of your OC?

i think daniel is in pretty decent health, actually. he’s a pretty decent athlete. short kid runs fast to avoid (potential) playground bullies who were mean to him simply because he was the shortest kid in class. he doesn’t get sick very easily, which might have something to do with his (slightly) overbearing mother taking incredible care of daniel and lola whenever they were even remotely ill. he knows how to cure a cold in 6-8 hours because linda knew how to cure a cold in 6-8 hours.

80. what is your OC’s favorite dinosaur?

this is so funny … i don’t picture daniel as having been a dinosaur kid, but like, out of all the kids, he’s the most likely to have gone through that phase. he’s probably super basic and likes the t-rex. except it’s almost definitely because of some weird reason, like he relates to having short arms.

for ✨lucy✨

54. does your OC think with his/her head or heart?

come on. you know lucy thinks with her head. that’s, like, the center of her character. it’s the reason she’s so difficult to get along with. she’s blunt, ambitious, and viciously organized. there are some people in this world who don’t even think she has feelings (she does, but she’s only comfortable expressing anger because it’s the toughest and most righteous emotion). lucy thinks emotions are dangerous distractions, and if you’re not thinking logically, then you’re not thinking at all. she makes the “right” decision, even if she knows she’ll be in pain. her whole philosophy is that no matter the decision you make, you will have regrets, even if it turns out great. it’s not a pessimistic thing – just a realistic one. but in that case, you might as well do what make sense. that’s her philosophy (and mine, lmao).

75. what is your OC’s favorite scent?

lucy would never admit this to anyone she didn’t trust with all her heart, but she’s a little obsessed with bath and body works. she worries it’s frilly and distracting, and yet, she loves it, anyway. her favorite scents are the ones that remind her of desserts (specifically cookies and cakes) and fruits (cherries, strawberries, and raspberries). but i feel like elenore bought her a bottle of champagne toast soap a few years back, and she’s been obsessed with it ever since. so, she likes stuff in that vein, lol

76. what is your OC’s favorite animal?

easy – lucy loves lions. she, too, wants to be the king of the jungle. sometimes, if only in her imagination, she is.

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​  sent  POW  from  cam  !

 she's always liked silence.   not the heavy kind,  the kind begging to be filled,  not the kind that places far too many expectations on her shoulders.  no.  she was taught far too young that her silence was necessary  /   only to be taught again that it was wrong and her job was to never let it fester.   but there is a good silence  -  air crisp  &&  cold enough that when she breathes out   (  a breath she barely realised lungs were holding  )   it makes a ghost of the breath leaving her.

 for a moment,  sudden silence is almost peaceful,  dearth of the things certain to rush back whenever next heartbeat dares to beat.

 when sound is recognised  -  only a second after tiny step back comes from burning impact  -  reality seems not to shatter but rather to bend.  dear friend  /  unexpected bond,  looking around with his own sharp precision when trying to spot where enemy might be hiding  (  how she hates to shatter his own hopes that distant sound could never hit so close to home  ).

 some day,  she’ll have enough of being caught in the crossfire of other people’s battles    &&   grudges. 

  ❝   cam.   ❞    small.   brief.  a name maeve has so rarely allowed herself to use...  it comes barely audible and without the usual warmth scientist has always oozed.  her hand  -  moving from instinctive resting spot on stomach  -  seems as incapable of stopping sudden floods of red as her legs are at supporting barely present weight.

                and down.   she.  goes.

send     ❛    POW  !     ❜    to see my muse get shot   .   |   accepting

[fbdo1986]

idk the only fbdo prompt i can think of is cameron falls asleep on the couch so ferris and sloane have a contest to see how much random shit they can put on him before he wakes up. Besides that, the way you wrote cam & sloane’s 1st kiss was very good, how bout writing ferris and cam’s 1st kiss? Unless that’s gonna be in ur new fic of course. Anyway, i’ll be back if i can think of cuter prompts

yo anon… you’re the best!!!! how about i write both???!! it’s hard for me sometimes to write ferris/cam and i have no idea why?? but i’ll do it for you anon! and honestly i’m not too sure if my fic is gonna involve any kissing tbh! i kinda foster ideas as i go

okay! since i am incapable of putting this one in the same timeline of my sloane/cam fic heres one that goes post the fic im working on, which is an interpretation of that fateful day off! (it’s probably a few days after or so)

warning: slight mention of ab*se bc like. cameron’s dad exists

ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG I GOT CARRIED AWAY!

Cameron narrowly escapes to his room, his hands shakily pressing the button to dial up the Bueller residence. He was high of pure adrenaline, and unfortunately, fear. The spiel about how ‘he wouldn’t be pushed around any longer, and seriously doesn’t a teenager deserve to have a life of his own? and how he’s done nothing except nearly exhaust himself to make the man proud and he doesn’t even notice!?’ actually takes old Morris Frye by surprise, and in a good way. He ruffles Cameron’s hair and goes on about how for the longest time he’s been waiting for his son to become a man, and how maybe, he’s proud of Cam. That is, until he realizes Cameron’s mentioned the car. Then all bets are off. It starts with a loud bellowing yell and Cameron can sense it’s only gonna escalate from here. Quickly, Morris is inching his way closer to Cameron and even though Cam is giving an explanation as quickly as words can exit his mouth to try and derail his father, it’s no use for the man who loves his car more than his own family. The man is seeing red, the red of that precious 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California that tumbled to its death from the garage. And Cameron needs to get out of there before he gets any closer. 

So he makes it to his bedroom, and the immediate response is Ferris. There’s no one who can save him like the boy who can get out of trouble in any situation. The line rings and he hears the familiar, moody hello of Jeanie Bueller. “Hey, it’s Cameron. Can you put Ferris on, please?” His voice wavers, and Jeanie immediately understands. Cameron won’t lose it, not like how he used to, but these things build up. 

“Ferris! It’s Cameron!” Jeanie yells, and Mrs. Bueller asks if everything’s alright. Jeanie keeps silent, letting Ferris spill if he decides to.

Ferris has something inside of him that is fine tuned to discussions of Cameron or Sloane. This shout isn’t typical Jeanie tone, and immediate sirens begin to blare in his ears. From across the house he’s at the phone in the hall, immediately replacing Jeanie at the line. “Hey, what’s up?” He keeps his voice light. Maybe it’s nothing. 

“Fer, I need an out. My old man is gonna kill me for this car. I mean it. He’ll find a way to give me hell. If it was his way I’d never come back.” He lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s holding in. “Please.”

At this point, Ferris has nearly bitten the inside of his cheek raw. He suddenly regrets all the things he’s ever done to put Cameron at risk of being hurt by his old man. Sure, he did think taking the car out was good for Cameron—he always wished Cameron could loosen up and fully enjoy what good things happened to him—but he could’ve never imagined the state it’d be in by the end of the day. He meant it when he said he’d take the heat for this, and he still does. It kills him to know his foolishness could cost Cameron harm. Ever since Ferris Bueller understood just how horrible things get in Cameron’s house he immediately knew he’d always be there for him. It takes a little longer to realize the reverse is true, that he’d be complete and utterly lost without Cameron, and that he needs him to stay sane. He won’t let that show in his words or his tone. He’s gotta be strong right now because that is what Cameron needs.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll get you out of there.” He covers the receiver. “Jeanie, can I use your car?” A silent nod of understanding from his sister. Mrs. Bueller is insisting to take care of it, she’s always liked Cameron, but Ferris wants it all under his control. “I’ll be there soon, alright?” He asks Cameron, hoping he doesn’t know that he’s keeping his voice from shaking. At least he can’t see his hands.

A deep breath. “Thank you, Ferris. Seriously. You don’t understand how much I appreciate this.” Cameron always knows that Ferris is and always will be there for him, but he’s always grateful when he steps up for things like this. 

Like lightning after Jeanie gives him the keys, Ferris races out of his house and hops into his sister’s car. Ferris is thankful for his driver’s license despite his absence of a car. And he’s thankful for Jeanie at this moment, too. And most importantly, for Cameron. He fights every urge to completely speed over there, since he’d never forgive himself for getting a speeding ticket on the way to his best friend’s house. When he gets to Cameron’s he makes his way to Cameron’s window. He’s willing to risk heat from Morris for sneaking Cameron out, and if the man even thinks he’s getting at Cameron for this he’s sorely mistaken. Has Ferris ever fought anyone? Absolutely not, but Morris Frye deserves to have a taste of his own medicine for once in his life. Ferris raps on the window as quietly as he can, his eyes lighting up immediately when Cameron turns to face him. 

Cameron fights a loud, enthusiastic expression of gratitude, but his sentiments remain. “G-d bless Ferris Bueller.” Ferris simply grins. But his eyes widen with concern when he remembers why he’s here. “Wait, Cam. Are you hurt? Did that son of a bitch—” Ferris can’t stop himself from grabbing at Cameron’s arms and getting a bit too close to look at his face.

Cameron chuckles, swatting him away. “I’m fine, Fer. Quit breathing on me. But seriously, I’m alright.” He looks at Ferris, the absolute goof of a best friend right in front of him. Despite his cool exterior, he really does wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s thankful that all those threats that he’d find a new best friend were never serious. Cameron almost embraces him. Almost. He settles for a shared smile. 

“Okay, let’s get the hell out of here.” Ferris rocks back onto his heels and Cameron swiftly stands up from his bed. They get out through the window and shut it tight. 

The ride to Ferris’s is awkward. Ferris wants nothing more than to crack a joke and relieve this tension, but he doesn’t want to disrespect what’s just happened to Cameron. The radio is on low, playing the current hits. When they reach the Bueller’s Cameron is bombarded with concerned but sweet proddings from Mrs. Bueller and a comforting look from Jeanie. Cameron feels a bit lighter already, but he only feels like he can fully breathe once they’re in Ferris’ room. The Cars are softly playing from Ferris’s stereo while Cameron flops directly onto the bed and Ferris sits next to him. 

“Jesus Christ.” Cameron’s voice is muffled against the comforter, and he slowly turns to face up and look at the ceiling. “I hate this. I can’t believe I have to run away to solve my problems.”

“To be fair, you’re not running away. You’re literally 10 miles away from your house. Plus, I helped you escape.” Ferris leans back on his palms and looks at the ceiling too. “Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t done it sooner. I wouldn’t last a day there. I don’t know how you do it. Fuck what Morris says, Cam, you’re the bravest man I know.” He breathes out a sigh and wishes he could say more. 

Cameron shifts and turns to Ferris for a moment. “No way, man. That’s you.” They exchange a glance. Despite being friends for seven years, words like these don’t get shared often between them. “Thank you. Again. Not even just for this, Fer.” He looks at Ferris intensely. “My life outside of that house is what it is because of you. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” 

Ferris averts his gaze, but a smile plays on his lips for a moment. He pauses and draws out the phrase, “You, my love, are worth it all.” 

Cameron’s face is immediately drowned in heat. He doesn’t know why this is so significant but all he feels is his heartbeat in his throat and he can’t help but sit up, dumbfounded. He looks at Ferris and there’s nothing that can convince him the boy was joking. Ferris, inversely, however, is turning pale. 

“What?” That’s all that escapes Cameron’s mouth, but it’s not upset or repulsed. Only curious. 

“Look, Cam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it and it just slipped out and you’re just great, okay? That’s it. You’re just great, the problem is how great you are.” The words slip out so fast Cameron is just barely hanging on. 

“I’m what?”

“You’re fantastic. You’re everything I could ask in a friend and more and I’ve just been thinking it over for a few days and I’m so sorry I ever jeopardized your safety. I need you and all of this wouldn’t even matter if it wasn’t for you, Cameron.” His eyes, deep with worry and passion all at once meet Cameron’s. And without a second thought Ferris’s hands are cupping his face and he presses a kiss into Cameron’s lips. Cameron’s caught off guard, insanely surprised, but as his heartbeat slows he can hear Ferris’s breath in an exhale and Cameron presses a kiss back into Ferris. Cameron smiles and after a moment Ferris parts from the kiss and looks up at his best friend. 

“Didn’t mean shit, Bueller.” Cameron laughs and all of a sudden the light is back in Ferris’s eyes and Ferris can’t think of anything to do but tackle Cameron in a hug. It knocks Cameron’s lanky frame over, but they just lay there and continue to laugh.

[ghoulboyboos]

For they Shyan prompts thing, demon!shane constantly getting stuck in situations that would get him found out (idk like someone spilling a bunch of salt or smth)and Ryan has to keep coming to his rescue? Plz & thx, ly

Shaneispretty sure he isn’tbad at hiding his identity. Sure,he isn’tthe greatest, stealthiest demon to ever walk the earth but he isn’tterrible.

Fine,sometimes the cameras makehim look a little too much like his true self when heand Ryan arefilming episodes, but everyone lookskind of weird in night vision cameras. His eyes aren’teven black. If hereally wanted toshow his true eyes to anyone,they would get treated toeyes with barely any whites, true,but also no full black scleras.Just large, yellowish irises and stretched, horizontal pupils. Goateyes, funnily enough. Not quite like Steve’s. Shane’s don’tglow in the dark. He never did show off his eyes to anyone though. Atleast not until now.

Actuallyhe used to keephis demon self very well hidden. It really isn’this fault that he hasterrible luck.

-

Itstarts one Wednesday when he’s helping out in the Tasty kitchen.They need some additional camera work and Shane is taking care of thehand-held camera trained on Rie’s face. Everythinggoes just as planned until the momentwhen one of the interns knocks over one of the big jars in the back.Shane originally thought the things are just for decoration, but hefreezes when the jar smasheson the ground and salt – a lot of salt –suddenly spills out from the destroyedcontainer. Luckily, nothing actually hits his bodyand he’s spared from uncomfortable burns, but the stuffspills right between Shane and Rie. Sheis standing at a counter and the salt forms a completeand effectiveline that stretches from wallto counter and when she moves aside, Shane can’t follow her, sohe’s slowly moving to round the counter and keep the camera on herface.

“Hangon, Shane.” The director interrupts him. “Just step over it andget closer to Rie. We’ll clean it up once the segment is filmed.”

Shanebreaks out in a cold sweat. He can’t cross the line between thecounter and the wall. He is physically incapable of doing so. Even ifsomeone pushed him, Shane would hit an impenetrable wall. He couldeven get hurt over this.

Apologiesmanifest in his brain, each more ridiculous than the last and at theglare of the director, Shane shuffles back, carefully inching closerto the dreaded line of salt. He’s thinking, panicking, unsure ofwhat to do and what to say. He has to find an excuse. Somehow, he hasto save himself from being exposed.

Butthen, by sheer luck and coincidence, Ryan comes in with a dustpan andbroom and the second he dives and drags the broom through the salt,Shane feels a weight drop off his shoulders. He hides it with a coughand a shuffle to the side to give Ryan space to work and since theline is broken, he steps over the rest of the salt without anytroubles. The director iscool with Ryan cleaning up, Ryan has no problem doing it – he’shere to wait for Shane anyway so they can grab lunch together – andthe show can continue. Shane thanks whoever is having an eye on himthat Ryan’s urge to clean the set popped up at just the rightmoment.

Atleast, he thinks, there’ssomeone down there who has an eye on him. It’swhat he settles on as an explanation.

Atfirst.

-

“Don’ttry it, demon!” Ryan snaps, drawing the ridiculous water gun withsurprising speed and Shane staggers backwards on instinct.

“Wow!”He says, trying to sound joyful. “That’s spooky.”

Ryanis smiling, maybe even laughing as he holsters the gun again. Hedoesn’t “shoot” Shane with it like Shane feared and part of himexhales in relief.

Sure,holy water isn’t the worse that could be done to him. It would burnhis body a little and sure, it would hurt, but that’s not why Shaneis afraid. He can handle the little burns the water would leave onhim. He can handle the time and energy it takes to heal his body. (Itis his body after all, he had it commissioned. If he was possessingsomeone, ducking out was always an option but if you had your ownbody, you were sort of reliant on it and he really didn’t wantShane Madej to have burn scars everywhere because his friend laughedat the idea of squirting him with holy water.

Butthankfully, Ryan doesn’t shoot the water gun at him and Shane canrelax. He’s not exactly calm,because he can see that the plastic toy isn’t entirely leak-proof.While Ryan walks around on location, the water gun dropsoccasionally. Shane is far away enough to be safe, but it still makeshim uncomfortable.

The day after theshoot, TJ finds the plastic gun on top of Ryan’s bag and makes abig show out of having the one tool to destroy demons. Shane gets it,TJ doesn’t believe and Mark, who is the first to get shot with atiny stream of holy water doesn’t either. The cameraman is justlaughing as he ducks away from any more shots and before Shane canreally prepare, TJ has turned and is pointing the gun at him. Heinstinctively flinches and ducks. Of course, it won’t do anything.If TJ hits his clothing, the water will soak into it and burn Shaneanyways. It will hurt. It will burn. Butworse than anything, it will show the team what Shane really is.

Shane didn’t useto be so attached to people, but he likes Buzzfeed. It’s just theright place to cause the right amount of chaos and disgruntlement.People get irritated at videos and articles and it’s all Shaneneeds. Internet trolling is the future of demons, he just knows that.But now, TJ is pointing a water gun filled with holy water at him andeverything is going to get out. Except that the moment TJ pulls thetrigger, Ryan accidentally walks past Shane to get to his bag.

There is a surprisedsquawk and then a lot of enraged yelling mixed with Tjs apologiesthrough laughter and the sounds that Devon and Mark make in thebackground while they try not to openly laugh at Ryan. Shane onlyallows himself a snicker, a lot less than what he would usually leaveRyan with. Instead, he offers Ryan one of his sweaters while Ryan’sown dries and he’s surprised when is friend actually accepts.

The whole ride backhome, Ryan is wearing Shane’s sweaters and Shane tries to ignorethe feelings that leaves him with. If Ryan knew what he really was,he would never speak to him again. Better not set himself up forheartbreak, Shane thinks while he glances at the dozing Ryan.

He looksindescribably adorable in Shane’s too-long clothes.

-

It’s really nothow he imagined to be exposed.

Shane thinks thatnearly all of the seances, rituals and other little tricks Ryan trieson location are nonsense. Ghosts are so incredibly rare that evenShane with his true sight has only seen a few on location. On top ofthat, they usually aren’t active or powerful enough to interactwith them. Ryan tends to get himself too worked up and panicky aboutnothing and Shane’s rolling eyes and exasperated sighs are verygenuine in these situations. Of course, he wants Ryan to be okay andhappy. It’s not like he wants the little guy to have a heartattack.

If Shane iscompletely honest with himself, he will have to admit that there isno human he wants to be happier than Ryan. Still, he wishes the whole“tell Ryan you’re not human thing” could have happened outsideof Unsolved.

But Ryan has somehowmanaged to find a ritual that is actually a legit ritual to exposedemonic power. And Shane even helped him, being the idiot that he is,because he thought the thing is not going to work.

And yet, here he is.A red aura pulsing around him, the candles around the circle theyused for the ritual are flickering but not going out, no matter howhard Shane tries to snuff them with his powers. Ryan’s hand-heldcamera and the go pro on his chest are trained on Shane who hasstarted to lose control over his humanoid form. Ryan will be rich andfamous for exposing Shane. It somehow lessens the pain of having toleave this man and Unsolved and probably the world.

“I knew it.”Ryan says, smug expression on his face as he turns off first thehand-held cam and then the one on his chest. “I knew you were…like that.” He snorts as Shane can only stare at him with wideeyes.

“I figured youneeded some assistance with keeping… you know. On the down low.You’re not really the most subtle person, with all the talk ofeating pickles out of ponds and enjoying the work of the torsomurderer and that stuff. But… you’re still my best friend. And Itrust that you won’t eat my heart when I help you, okay?”

Shane watches asRyan shows him the footage he managed to capture of Shane’s trueform before deleting it. Shane still has a heart in this form andit’s beating hard and unrelenting in his chest as he stares down atRyan.

“But… what?Why?”

Ryan smiles andreaches out to take Shane’s hands. The nails have grown, but skinand bones and fingers are still the same shape.

“I figured out awhile ago that you weren’t human, but when I kept an eye on you,you never seemed to harm anybody. So… I figured since you wantedthis to be a secret, I would help.”

“Oh.” Shane saysdumbly. He blinks. “Does… does that mean that it’s okay for meto tell you that I like you?”

Ryan chuckles.

“As long as demonsaren’t somehow murdered by affection, I’m cool with that.”

Shane chuckles abit. His cheeks warm as embarrassment takes him over.

“We’re…not. But I guess you knew already. You seem to know whenever I neededyour help.”

Ryan chuckles andbrings Shane’s hands up to brush a kiss over the knuckles.

“And you seem toknow whenever I need your words or presence on location. So. Whateveryou saw and kept from hurting me or whenever you got me to leave adangerous room… thank you.”

He smiles up atShane and Shane has to swallow and clear his throat a couple oftimes.

“Of course.” Heleans his forehead against Ryan.

“Thank you aswell. For keeping me safe.”

[thereal-zakkisbatman]

Timeline (Power Rangers) pt 1

Recent History

Centuries Ago

Nighlok forces attack Japan, but are defeated by "samurai warriors", who would be later known as the ancestors of the current Samurai Rangers. Power Rangers: Samurai

Some time later, the Shiba Clan relocates to America, where they establish the Shiba House under Mentor Ji's watch in Los Angeles.

Gosei creates Robo Knight with a sole mission to protect the Earth's environment and places him in dormant sleep.

16th century

Brazil is colonized by the Portuguese. Man of Mercury

1775

The colony of Angel Grove is established. The Shooting Star Return of the Green Ranger

Some time in 18th century

Tommy Oliver's clone, created by Rita Repulsa, is sent back in time to live in the 18th century as the Green Ranger.

1865

An alien Samurai in Kyoto, Katana, travels to 2025 and encounters the SPD Rangers. Samurai

1878

Kat Manx, who would later become technical expert for the SPD Earth branch, is born.

1880

When Kimberly Hart the Pink Ranger is accidentally sent back in time from the mid 1990s to this year, during Angel Grove's Wild West period, she finds that she is not the only one from her time who has gone back. Goldar, Needlenose, and a platoon of Putties have also come back in time to destroy Angel Grove's past. Kimberly realizing that she is incapable of defeating Goldar's forces by herself travels to the Command Center and convinces Zordon of her intentions. Zordon gives her the Red, Black, Yellow, and Blue Power Coins to equip her own fighting force to stop Goldar. Kimberly gives the Blue Power Coin to William, ancestor of Billy Cranston. The Red Power Coin to Rocko, ancestor of Rocky DeSantos. The Black Power Coin to Abraham, ancestor of Adam Park. And the Yellow Power Coin to Miss Alicia, ancestor of Aisha Campbell, to transform them into Wild West Rangers. With their help and the aid of the White Stranger, ancestor of Tommy Oliver, Kimberly is able to drive Lord Zedd's forces back to the present. After Goldar and his forces leave Angel Grove's past, Kimberly returns the Power Coins to Zordon and is returned to the present shortly afterwards. After the power are safely returned to Zordon and Kimberly goes back to her time her ancestor Fushia O Hara comes to colonial Angel Grove.

1923

General David Sarnoff recognised the possibility of developing a television system as early as this year. In a historic memorandum he says, "I believe that television, which is the technical name for seeing as well as hearing by radio, will come to pass in due course." Lights, Camera, Action

1932

The 1932 World Series, which Boomhoped to intercept radio transmissions from, takes place. Messenger

1939

The television is first introduced at the World's Fair. Lights, Camera, Action

1948

Viktor Adler, who would later become the second Master Org, is born. Richard Evans is also born.

1951

Elizabeth Evans is born.

1979

Jason Lee Scott, Zack Taylor, Kimberly Ann Hart, Trini Kwan, Billy Cranston, Tommy Oliver, Rocky DeSantos, Aisha Campbell, Adam Park, Katherine Hillard, Tanya Sloan, Farkas Bulkmeier and Eugene Skullovitch were born.

Andros, and Zhane are born on KO-35.

1980

TJ Johnson, Ashley Hammond, Cassie Chan, Carlos Vallerte and Ryan Mitchell were born.

1981

Three good friends and scientists, Richard Evans, Elizabeth, and Viktor Adler, work together to prove the existence of Animaria. Viktor fell in love with Elizabeth, but was shattered when he discovered that she became engaged to Richard Evans. The three continue working together, with Viktor's hatred for Richard growing as he took the spotlight on the Animaria project.

Cole Evans is born.

1982

Richard's team journey to the Amazon in search of evidence that Animaria once existed. They find some suspicious looking seeds which are the remnants of Master Org. Viktor grabs the seeds and out of personal revenge, eats them later that night and is infused with the power of Master Org. He chases Richard and Elizabeth and kills them, but was unable to find their baby, Cole. Elizabeth had hidden him in the jungle, where he is found by a tribe. Viktor Adler eventually assumes the identity of Master Org, and continued his mission of wiping out humanity and taking over Earth by recruiting newly arisen Org spirits to battle the Rangers. (Power Rangers Wild Force")

Dana Mitchell is born.

1983

Kiya and Kanoi were students at the Wind Ninja Academy; Kiya in the Earth Ninja category and Kanoi in the Air Ninja category. Even at a young age, Kiya (aka Lothor) craved power and secretly began practicing dark ninja magic. When a woman named Miko was inducted to the Academy with a mystical samurai pendant, he attempted to steal it, but was stopped by Cam, who took the pendant back to the future. For his crimes, Kiya was banished from the Earth by his sensei and, in his rage, he forswore his family and ninja heritage and declared himself to be Lothor. In space, he continued his mad search for power. Kanoi then married. (Power Rangers Ninja Storm)

Tanya's parents go missing on Mysterio island while looking for the "Lost Tiki of Aurico after leaving Tanya in Africa.

1984

Miko dies of an illness but not before making Kanoi promise to keep Cam out of harm.

Karone is kidnapped by Darkronda and transformed into Astronema .

1985

Justin Stewart is born.

Tori Hanson is born.

Ryan Mitchell is taken by Diabolico after a car accident involving his father and sister.

1986

In the year 1986, there was a dimension filled with wonderful magic. But then darkness came into power and a great battle began. An army of the Undead lead by a powerful warrior - Morticon swarmed over the land setting their sights on the human realm and beyond. All seemed hopeless when a small legion of brave and true wizards came forth against insurmountable odds. They drove the evil back from the edge of the human world. And then the greatest wizard of them all - Leanbow cast a spell that sent the armies into the Underworld. He sealed darkness inside giant gates for eternity. The evil disappeared from the surface world. But with great victory comes great loss. The human world never knew of the great battle or the sacrifices that were made to save them from destruction. (Power Rangers Mystic Force)

Conner McKnight, Ethan James, Kira Ford and Trent Fernandez-Mercer are born.

[cutetrashfruit]

The sweetest D'Antoni brothers, epitome of innocence.

01. Full name: Andros D’antoni and Marcos D’antoni02. Best friend: Cam for Marcos and Trent for Andros03. Sexuality: Dros is gay and Marcos is Bi (and Tony in incapable of making straight children) 04. Favorite color: Dros likes red, Marcos likes purple05. Relationship status: Dros is married to Connor, Marcos is engaged to Eyan06. Ideal mate: Dros: “Some fat ass gym bro” Marcos: “Eyan?”07. Turn-ons: Dros: “Fucked up shit, man” Marcos: “Even worse shit.”08. Favorite food: Dros won’t eat anything with a label on it, and Marcos will only eat pizza rolls.09. Crushes: Dros low-key thinks his mailman is cute and stares at him while shouting for Connor to come look.  Marcos will always love Beyonce. 10. Favorite music: Dros listens to shit like the Plain White Tees and Marcos just listens to music he can grind on someone to. 11. Biggest fear: Dros is afraid of a lot of things, but Marcos’ is butterflies.12. Biggest fantasy: Dros’ prolly involves guns,13. Bad habits: Dros it’s drinking, smoking,drugs, self-destructive behaviors. He’s clean now, but you know.  He always worries.  Marcos sometimes leaves a peanut butter spoon on the edge of the sink. 14. Biggest regret: Dros: “Everything” Marcos: “Mostly somethings.”15. Best kept secrets: Dros: “You actually think I’d fucking tell you?” Marcos: “Once I slipped on the ice outside the house and pretended I meant to do it.” 16. Last thought: Dros’ was something like an eyeroll and Marcos was just a beaming proud boy. 17. Worst romantic experience: Neither boy would like to discuss this, thank you. 18. Biggest insecurity: Dros ha body image issues and Marcos gets nervous sometimes that he’s a lot of work. 19. Weapon of choice: Guns, although Marcos insists those are his arms.20. Role Model:   Dros looks up to Tony, Marcos looks up to Beyonce. 

[angstlizard]

be critical of when you self report though! recently I've been seeing people really quick to accuse someone of self reporting if there are no other suspects, so it could easily backfire on you.

in the same vein, and a tip that also works for crewmates, reporting bodies in a row tends to make people suspicious of you.

cameras will blink red if someone is on them. if someone is on them, either wait until they're off to kill or kill whoever is on cams. if you kill in the hallway while they're blinking, it will be seen! and if you kill in a room while the cams are on, while they aren't able to see into those rooms, they can see who comes out. if you're the only one that comes out, that's suspicious.

do not kill people suspicious of you right away. others can (and, if they're paying attention, will) use this against you. on the other hand, you could kill people that are accusing others and use that as evidence against whoever they accused.

people can see vents open and close even if they're not in the room. they won't be able to see who comes out of it, but they can easily go into that room and check. be cautious when venting.

critical sabotages - or at least the reactor and o2 ones - will make the emergency button incapable of being used. use this to your advantage if you can.

there are universal/common tasks where if one person has them, everyone has them. these typically tend to be the card-related ones. if you're unsure on what common task everyone has, there are fake tasks already assigned to you! you can see what they are just like a crewmate can. (map & the tasks tab)

among us: tips for imposters

i thought i’d write down some tips i could think of since i started playing this game like 4 days ago lmao. being the imposter is stressful for a lot of people so here’s a bit of advice that’s worked for me:

always pretend like you’re on your way to/in the middle of a task. when the game starts, go and stand by the first module you can think of.

use vents very sparingly - i only use them to escape from the scene of a crime. make sure no one’s in the surrounding rooms/halls who could see you.

when doing a critical sabotage, make sure you are far away from the room when it starts, and run towards it so that people won’t accuse you of doing nothing. if need be, help fix it yourself in order to make people trust you.

self report is a good strategy. simply kill, vent/run to a nearby room, run into the scene of the crime (preferably with others watching) and report your own kill. make sure to tell people where the body was and, if you can, pin it on someone else who was nearby.

this is a big one: make others trust you by doing “tasks” alone with them, without killing them. this will make them likely to vouch for you in discussions.

this one also useful for when you’re a crewmate: in discussions, don’t be quick to vote or accuse others without evidence. i’ve voted a lot of people out of the ship based on this. let other people do the accusing unless there is someone really convenient you can say is acting sus.

[papermoonloveslucy]

THE BOW WOW BOUTIQUE

S6;E5 ~ October 8, 1973

Directed by Coby Ruskin ~ Written by Fred S. Fox and Seaman Jacobs

Synopsis

Harry buys a pet shop in order to turn a profit. But when the staff quits, it falls to Lucy and Kim to shampoo the pups!  

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter)

Guest Cast

Bob Williams (Himself) had a comedy act with his (seemingly) uncooperative dog Louie that played Las Vegas and was seen on “The Colgate Comedy Hour” (1955), “The Hollywood Palace Christmas Show” (1965), “The Jack Paar Show” (1965), and many others.

Jonathan Hole (Mr. Dinwiddie) previously played a department store floorwalker in “Lucy a Process Server” (S1;E3) and was also seen in a similar role in “Lucy Bags a Bargain” (TLS S4;E17). He was seen in eight Broadway plays between 1924 and 1934. His screen career began in 1951.

Mr. Dinwiddie is the (former) manager of the Bow Wow Boutique.

Sid Gould (Sid) made more than 45 appearances on “The Lucy Show,” all as background characters. This is one of his nearly 50 episodes of “Here’s Lucy.” Gould (born Sydney Greenfader) was Lucille Ball’s cousin by marriage to Gary Morton. 

Sid is the dog groomer for the Bow Wow Boutique.

Andy Albin (Joe) began his vaudeville career after winning a Charleston contest in Philadelphia.  His first screen role was as a farmer (uncredited) in Hitchcock's North By Northwest (1959).

Joe is the in charge of boarding and feeding at the Bow Wow Boutique. Albin was likely cast because he is nearly bald.

Eve McVeagh (Mrs. Gordon) played Roberta (Bert), Lucy Ricardo's hairdresser, in “The Black Wig” (ILL S3;E26). The character was named after Lucille Ball's hairdresser during the series' first season, Roberta French. McVeagh worked with Alfred Hitchcock on seven of his television projects. Her contributions in film and television spanned 33 years.

The character's name is not spoken aloud, but is listed in the final credits.

Canine Cast

Louie, Bob Williams' dog, a French Spaniel.  

Louie appeared on many television shows with Williams.  

Winston, Mrs. Gordon's dog, a Bloodhound.

Mrs. Gordon has another dog, Dolly, a Fox Terrier, that stays “in the car.” It is Dolly's birthday!  

Teddy, an English Bulldog

Teddy (or Ted) is short for Theodore, which was the first name of Mr. Mooney (and his son) on “The Lucy Show.”

Tiger, a Yorkshire Terrier

Tiger was also the name of the neighbor's dog featured on the very first episode of “The Lucy Show

Tinkerbell, a St. Bernard

In “Vivian Sues Lucy” (TLS S1;E10), Lucy Carmichael calls Vivian 'Tinkerbell' due to her propensity for ringing her bedside bell while (supposedly) incapacitated.  

An unnamed Dachshund

Listening to Harry and Mr. Dinwiddie's “Due / Do” conversation, Lucy says she hasn't heard anything like it since Abbott and Costello. Lucy is referring to Bud Abbott (1897-1974) and Lou Costello (1906-59), a comedy duo and their most famous routine “Who's on First?”  Lucille Ball was featured in their 1945 film Abbott and Costello in Hollywood playing herself.

Easter Egg!  On the counter of the Bow Wow Boutique are bongo drums and maracas. The plush dog adjacent to the instruments is dressed in a Flamenco outfit! These are possibly a silent tribute to the Arnaz musical heritage.

Bob Williams tells Lucy and Kim that he communicates with Louie via ESP. Williams tells Lucy and Kim that Louie wants to be a statue. Louie keeps his head down and Williams declares it “The End of the Trail,” a statue (and originally sculpture) by James Earl Fraser.  It stands in Waupun, Wisconsin, as a tribute to Native Americans.  

Before bathing him, Lucy asks Louie if he wants a Henna Rinse. Henna Rinse was the hair dye that Lucille Ball (and all her TV incarnations) used to make her hair that unique shade of red. It was comically portrayed on “I Love Lucy” as the first thing Lucy Ricardo would grab in case of a fire!  

Bathing Teddy, Lucy says he'll be the “Winston Churchill of the century.” Winston Churchill (1874-1965) was a British Prime Minister who was known as “the British Bulldog” and known for his “bulldog spirit.”  At age 17 Winston Churchill sold his bicycle to buy a bulldog he named Dodo.  A 1941 photographic portrait of Churchill by Yousuf Karsh (used on the five pound note since 2013) was informally known as the “Bulldog Portrait.”  Churchill often called his depression his “dark dog.”  Later in the episode, Lucy says Harry looks like a bulldog.

The electronic hum of the temperamental blower and suds hose is actually the sound of an amplifier being turned on and off.  Cam McCulloch was the series' Sound Engineer.

Commenting on the size of St. Bernard Tinkerbell, Lucy says “I think I bet on her once at Santa Anita.” Santa Anita is a horse racetrack in Southern California that was frequently visited by Lucille Ball. It was first mentioned by Fred (William Frawley) in “Ricky Minds the Baby” (ILL S3;E14) in 1954. More recently, it was mentioned during the Secretary Beautiful Contest in “Lucy Competes With Carol Burnett” (S2;E24).

Hearkening back to early episodes of “Here's Lucy,” comedy was often derived from the fact that Lucy was incapably of handling hoses without getting Harry wet. Here, Harry gets his revenge – but not for long!

Lucille Ball (as Lucy Barker) also did a comedy scene involving soap suds in “Life With Lucy” (1986).  

Kim and Craig pet-sit the entire contents of a pet shop in Lucy's living room in “Lucy the Helpful Mother” (S2;E15).

Lucy Carmichael and Vivian Bagley visited a pet store in “Lucy Gets the Bird” (TLS S3;E12) where a piranha eats Lucy's handbag!

Kim pulls on Winston's sagging skin the same way Lucy Carmichael did to Thunderbolt in “Kiddie Parties Inc.” (TLS S2;E2).  

Although there are six live dogs in this episode, that is not the most dogs to ever appear with Lucy on television.  That distinction belongs to 1963's “Lucy and Viv Learn Judo” (TLS S1;E22) where more than a dozen assorted pooches stormed the Carmichael home.  

Name Game! It's a bit confusing that Eve McVeagh's bloodhound is named Winston, but the bulldog in the second half of the show is named Teddy.  The bulldog is traditionally associated with Winston Churchill and Lucy even mentions the Churchill's name while bathing Teddy.  It would have been clearer to have the dogs' names reversed.  If these were the dogs real names, it might have been feared they wouldn’t respond to commands if they were given a “stage name.”

Recycling! The large plush pink poodle in the Bow Wow Boutique was previously seen underneath the jungle gym when “Lucy Sublets the Office” (S4;E21) to a toy vendor.  

Editing! There is an obvious jump cut edit when Lucy is drying off Teddy the bulldog that occurs right after Lucy says “Doesn't that feel good?” 

“The Bow Wow Boutique” rates 2 Paper Hearts out of 5 

Enjoyment of this episode relies purely on how cute you find these various dogs and their interactions with Lucy.  Now mostly forgotten, Bob Williams’ funny dog act is reduced to two (not very exciting) stunts. This could have been a five heart episode with a better script. 

[whenthisstoryendsarchive]

Freedom’s Cost

They had to be close now… Elizabeth could smell the salt in the air. Faint, but without a doubt there. The ocean was so close. Her freedom, her family, were so close. They had to make it. They just had to.

Trying not to move, the mermaid simply focused on keeping her grip on Cam’s neck. Elizabeth knew that she had to be heavy. She could feel the muscles in his arms taught with the effort of holding her up. And she could hear dear little Elle’s ragged breaths just steps behind them. Thora had said they were close. Just past the trees, she’d told them when the transformation took place.

Where were Thora and Ulysses now? Were they safe? Were they alive? The princess prayed that they were. Knowing that Matthew, poor dear Matthew, had died for her was burden enough. She couldn’t lose anyone else. She wouldn’t. Elizabeth would make sure of that.

But it was getting so hard to breathe… They needed to get to the ocean, and soon. Even with her lungs working alongside her gills, she was gasping for breath. It was the curse of the transformation. Though her lungs were still there and functioning, they were no longer her primary source of intaking air. Cam was doing his best, Elizabeth knew, but that didn’t stop her from slowly suffocating as they ran through the forest.

“No…” The boy’s voice whispered as he froze in his tracks.

Her heart skipping a beat, Elizabeth weakly lifted her head to see what was wrong. Of course, it could only mean one thing… And there, blocking their path to the sea, stood her worst nightmare. When the wizard saw them, he gave a small grin, and opened his arms slightly with a flourish. Ever the showman, Locke was.

Elizabeth whimpered softly in terror. This couldn’t be happening. They were so close! They couldn’t lose now! Not when all their lives were on the line, not just hers.

Cam, however, seemed to recover his nerve and took a few steps forward; his grip on the mermaid tightening. “She’s free! She doesn’t belong to you!”

“Nothing in this world is free, Cam Harrison.” Locke sneered, a snicker plain on his lips even in the dark.

Her mind racing, desperate to find a way out of this, Elizabeth felt herself being lowered toward the ground. Instantly, she looked up at Cam and tried to stop him, laying a hand against the ground to try and push herself- and him- back up. He couldn’t be serious! He was going to get himself killed too! She couldn’t let him. Cam had to think of his niece now. Not her. Even if Elizabeth herself died, Locke would come after Elle. And who would be there to protect her if not Cam? Elle, who laid her hand first on Elizabeth’s shoulder, and then close to her face; all the while cradling the mermaid’s head in her lap.

“It’s all right.” Cam vowed gently, looking between the two girls and the wizard, before gazing down at Elizabeth. “It’s all right. I won’t let them take you.”

Desperate to stop him, the little mermaid whimpered and clung to the sleeve of his shirt. But it was an effort in vain. Cam got to his feet as Elle pulled Elizabeth closer. Turning to face Locke, he stood his ground.

“She’s good! She’s not like you! I won’t let you have her!”

This was it, Elizabeth thought as her right arm reached back to grip Elle. Locke was going to take everything from her again. She gasped desperately for breath, wishing that she were strong enough to fight for them like Ulysses and Thora had. Like Cam was planning to now. They were all putting themselves on the line for her and Elle, and they were both incapable of fighting to protect them in turn. It wasn’t fair.

Locke knew that too. But he didn’t care. Elizabeth could see it in his eyes as he stepped toward them. And with a wave of his hand, a blue light shot toward Cam with a crackling sort of whir. Struggling to stay on his feet, Cam was thrown aside, and Elizabeth’s fear spiked even more. She’d seen that before. The cruel wizard had done the same thing to Matthew all those years ago.

A loud gasp escaped her still panting lips as Elizabeth’s grip on Elle grew tighter. No matter what it meant for her, she had to protect Elle. She had to protect Cam. She wasn’t going to lose them too. Her breaths growing shallower and almost crazed by the second, the mermaid stared in horror at Locke. But he, uncaring to all the grief and pain and fear around him, just smiled coldly.

Whimpering, Elizabeth wrapped her left arm around Elle as best she could. There were footsteps coming toward them. Elizabeth could hear them. But she feared that Sid had come to join his master. The relief that rushed through her when a figure kneeled beside them and laid its hand on her stomach was immense.

Thora!

She’d never been so happy to see her friend before. Thora was strong, and she had a wide array of powers that Elizabeth wouldn’t have believed possible in a human. If anyone could help them in this desperate hour of need, it was her.

Thora glared out at Locke and Elizabeth knew it was now or never. Thora wouldn’t be easy to convince. Not after the last time they’d tried to escape. It had taken every ounce of her power then to save Elizabeth. But the princess knew that she could do it again now. They had something on their side that Locke no longer did. She reached under her tail to retrieve the vial. It was their only chance to save Cam. To save them all…

“Take it.” Elizabeth beseeched, her pants heavier still. Clinging to the vial, she pushed it toward her friend.

“No, no.” Thora shook her head.

Elizabeth could see in her eyes. She didn’t even need to hear Thora’s voice in her head. ‘We can’t, Elizabeth. It’ll kill you.’

Elizabeth’s hazel eyes quickly turned to Locke to see how close he’d gotten. And seeing him still moving toward them, she looked back at the woman urgently. “Locke’s powers grow with it. So can yours.” She insisted.

“No. No, you’re too weak.” Thora replied, her head shaking once more. ‘Don’t ask me to do this, Elizabeth. I can’t.’

“It’s the only way.” The mermaid pressed, taking Thora’s hand and forcing the vial into it. If she was going to die, then she was going to die fighting. Die protecting the ones she loved. There was simply no other option in her mind. It came down to her, or Cam, Elle, Thora, and Ulysses. No way she was going to let them suffer for her stupid mistake.

The moment Thora’s fingers closed around the vial, her eyes glazed over with light. Light that shot out at Locke. Light that mirrored the ones he’d used on the men that Elizabeth loved. Upon reaching the wizard, the light shifted from blue to pale red. It enclosed around him like a bubble, making a field he could not cross, though he tried. The sound of electricity blazing filled the air. It was a disgusting sound. Elizabeth had always thought so. But it was much more so now, when all their lives depended upon keeping him back.

Locke gave a cry of frustration and fury, but Thora persisted. The beam of light and the crackling grew stronger and even forced him back a few steps. And though she could feel her strength and her life slipping away even faster now, Elizabeth dared to believe for a moment that they might actually be able to defeat him.

But she caught a glimpse of his eyes, burning red like coals. And suddenly, with a spine-chilling laugh, the shield vanished. Elizabeth moaned and let her hands fall limp. She could barely keep her eyes open now, let alone try to muster the energy to breathe. Her eyelids half shut as she lay unmoving in Elle’s lap. But she could still hear, and listen eagerly she did.

It was a growl that made her fight to lift her head and open her eyes again. The sight made Elizabeth sick, and if she’d had the strength, she would have cried out to stop Cam as he charged toward Locke in a blind rage. The poor boy, bless his heart, really thought that punching would help him. He didn’t even get anywhere close before Locke had him trapped in that awful light again.

“Her soul is mine!” Locke declared as Cam groaned in pain. “Pity they must now die.”

That same instant, the light vanished, and Cameron dropped to the ground, hitting his head as he collapsed. Locke, determined to take back what he viewed as his, continued toward Elizabeth, Elle, and Thora with a fury driven speed. “My powers are forever!” He bellowed. “Not you or anyone else on this earth can defeat me.”

Tears built up in the mermaid’s eyes. She’d tried… But she’d failed. Again. And now everyone was going to pay the price. Elizabeth’s throat constricted, but not enough to stop the sounds of terror that issued from within her. ‘I’m sorry, Cam.  I’m sorry, Elle, Thora. Ulysses… Please, forgive me. Father, Shaner Manannán, Shaner Lir… Protect them!’’

“I believe!” Elle’s firm voice interrupted, breaking the silence.

It was then that Elizabeth realized that Elle had placed her hand over where her own and Thora’s were already linked and laying on her chest. That same moment, she felt a sort of rippling deep within her; in the empty place where her soul used to reside. To Elizabeth, it felt like the force of a whirlpool, the rippling of wind tossed waves, and the pull of the tide.

From her peripheral vision, she was able to see Elle’s eyes had shifted to be filled with light, a light or an energy that coursed its way down her face and arms to their hands. And that same force, whatever it was, had welled up in Elizabeth. It was speeding from her chest through her face toward the three joined hands. Much to her surprise, a much larger ball of electrically charged light hovered above her chest, clinging closely to the girls’ hands around the vial and the mermaid’s soul. It only grew stronger by the second, and Elizabeth knew that this was their last desperate hope. If they failed now, they would all die. And if she’d had the energy to scream, she would have; it hurt so much. But she let her face form a silent scream as her head fell back limply into Elle’s lap.

When she gave in, a bright ball of lightning that was simultaneously blue, white, and pink rocketed toward Locke. Like when Thora’s light had reached its peak, the wizard was forced back. But this time, the three of them could see the difference. Locke staggered, not tripped. He screamed in pain, not cried in frustration. He was even lifted off his feet and sent flying away from the group, his cane and hat vanishing.

“What have they done to me?”

“Magic.”

And hearing a scream, Elizabeth fainted, spent. She couldn’t hold on anymore. Thora was right. Using her soul to increase their power had helped to defeat Locke. But it had killed her in the process. Still, she couldn’t mourn. And she wouldn’t have done anything different. So long as her four beloved friends were safe, Elizabeth went to her death happy. Maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to die a hero now, and not a victim, criminal, or fool.

“Elizabeth.” Two voices called.

Dim as her awareness was, she felt that the higher pitched softer one was Elle. But the other… This one was deeper. Much, much deeper and slow. It was distant, so she couldn’t fully recognize the speaker. Yet, somehow, it stirred something within her.

“She needs water!”

“Elizabeth, mo stoirín.”

Cam was coming. Elizabeth could feel his panic and his pain. “It’s all right.” Her beloved repeated over and over.

She gasped desperately for breath, and moaning as hands pushed and pulled at her. Why did they tug so? Didn’t they know she was dying? Couldn’t they see? Why didn’t they just leave her? Why didn’t they run? Cam was holding her now. She recognized the feel of his shirt and the smell of his cologne. Somehow, her arms managed to snake their way around his neck as her face found his shoulder.

Maybe dying wouldn’t be so bad with Cam holding her like this. She always had wanted to die in the arms of a man she loved. It had seemed so romantic when Elizabeth was a child. But now, it seemed more like a tragedy. Weren’t all love stories tragedies in their own way? Even the ones with the happy endings? Weren’t they tragic simply because they had to end? Because they couldn’t endure forever?

“Elizabeth. Elizabeth, my dear Elizabeth.” The deep voice called again.

Feeling suddenly freer than she had in a century, Elizabeth lifted her head and opened her eyes. Thankfully, nothing hurt anymore. She felt as if she could swim from pole to pole and still have energy to spare. Looking around to find the voice, the little mermaid’s jaw dropped.

Standing before her, in all his glory, was her beloved grandfather, Manannán mac Lir. “Shaner!” She cried gleefully. And in her hurry to get to him, Elizabeth tripped and fell. She had legs again! How strange. Did this mean that he’d kept his promise? That he’d brought her to Tír na nÓg?

Even the few seconds it took to get back up and race into her grandfather’s arms were too much for her. The god and the mermaid clung to each other tightly, both weeping and unable to believe it was true. “I’m sorry, grandfather! I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!” She choked. “I was a fool! I should have listened to Papa! But I didn’t and I made the worst mistake of my life! And now everyone’s going to hate me! I never got to say goodbye. I never got to make it right! I’m so sorry!”

Listening to her desperate pleas, the sea god simply held his youngest granddaughter close and stroked her hair before he pulled back. Manannán smiled tenderly and wiped away Elizabeth’s tears and pressed his lips to her forehead. “My darling Elizabeth, it isn’t time yet.”

Gasping softly, her brow furrowed as she looked up in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to worry about the mortals, mo mhuirnín. They are blessed. Not just by you, but by myself, and surely your father as well. They will have the best that life can bring them.”

Elizabeth laughed breathlessly; her heart full to the brim. At least Cam, Elle, Thora, and Ulysses would be all right. Even if she never got to thank them fully for all they did for her. Even if she never got to see them again, she could go knowing they’d be looked after.

“I’ll come and see you soon.” The god continued before he pulled back and began to walk away.

“Shaner, wait! I don’t understand.” The princess called.

“Elizabeth, please.” A desperate voice echoed in her ears.

Shaking her head, Elizabeth looked around before finding her grandfather again. “I don’t understand!” For his part, Manannán simply smiled and blew his granddaughter a kiss. And before she could say another word, he was gone.

“Come on!”

Gasping loudly, Elizabeth felt a jolt rip through her. Shaken from the shock, her eyes opened again. Her grandfather was nowhere to be seen. Instead, the faces looking down at her were those of Cam and Elle. And more! She could feel the water around her. Sweet, wonderful saltwater! The ocean! It trickled through her gills better than any miracle elixir. But even that wasn’t the end of the joy. For the first time in a hundred years, Elizabeth felt the sensation of completeness. Until that moment, she hadn’t even realized just how broken she’d been. But now she was whole. She was alive. And it was like taking her first breath all over again. The empty, gaping, hollow, hole inside her was gone. Even without having to look at the two humans, or see the empty vial, the little mermaid knew the truth, could feel it. Her soul was hers once more. She was free!

Panting from sheer joy, Elizabeth looked up at Cam and beamed. She sat up a little, clinging to his sleeve and Elle’s hand, and flicked her tail just to make sure it wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t. This was real! Her eyes closed softly, and her head dipped back into the water, letting both sets of gills fall under the water. A sigh of peaceful release breathed out of her lips, and the princess’s grip on Cam and Elle tightened for a moment. But she was soon rolling over in Cam’s arms, eager to dive beneath the waves and truly taste freedom.

As if sensing her desire, Cam loosened his hold on Elizabeth, and with a powerful flick of her tail, she had moved away from them to dive below the surface. Oh, there was the familiar blue she’d so longed for! And though they were far off, she could hear the calls of all the sea creatures, as if they were welcoming her home. Elizabeth had never been so happy to feel the ocean’s waves enfolding her. She knew now that she had been a spoiled and self-serving child. That she’d taken her home, her family, and everything she loved for granted.

‘I’ve learned my lesson, Shaner. I promise.’ She swore, knowing her grandfather would hear. ‘I’ll never make that mistake again. Even if they can’t forgive me, or don’t want me to come back. I’ll be better now, no matter where I go. And I’ll never forget them. Thora, Ulysses, Cam, and Elle will always be with me.’

The promise barely uttered, Elizabeth’s head snapped up. A deep and searing pain had squeezed her chest, almost knocking the wind out of her. Terror washed over her again. Elle! Immediately, she turned around and swam back to the others.

Elle was coughing even worse than she had in the train or on the truck. The night had taken a hard toll on her too. And she was already so young and so sick. “Shh. Shh.” Elizabeth cooed, looking from her to Cam as she stroked Elle’s yellow hair.

“You’re ok.” Cam breathed desperately.

Moving toward him, Elizabeth met his eyes. Elle adored her. She’d saved them all, and that more than earned the mermaid’s thanks and forgiveness for her death. And Cam… Cam’s selfless bravery had brought her home. The story was ended, and she was loved.

“Let me take her. The water can heal her.”

[completeautoloans]

How Professionals Master Their SUV Accessories

Master Your SUV Accessories

Are you looking for the best accessories to customize your car and give it an identity? With the rapidly evolving automotive technology today, you can transform your car to make it more fun, enjoyable, and safer by mastering your SUV accessories.

You don’t need to purchase a new car to enjoy these modern accessories. Vehicle accessories today are advanced and capable of; giving you alerts if your car has a fault and improving its performance to give it a contemporary style. Below are some of the best accessories for your SUV.

 1. Car Dash Cam

The car dash cam is a digital camera mounted on the dashboard of the car. It is small and ranked among the must-have SUV car accessories. You can use the dash cam to record your journey when the vehicle is in motion. While a dash cam may not be able to protect you physically, it is an important gadget whose footage can be retrieved to establish the person responsible in the event of an accident.

Dash cam is for you if you spend most of your time on the road traveling. The Garmin Dash Cam is ideal for drivers and is capable of capturing images in clear 1440p video. You can utilize the dash cam both for safety as well as recording beautiful views of the cities your visit.

You can also choose the Z-Edge Dash Cam, which comes with an automatic shut off and switch on right after the driver turns off or on the car ignition. Additionally, the Z-edge dash cam can shoot 30 frames per second. You can get these cameras from Amazon.

2. Jump starter kit – NOCO Genius Boost

The jump starter kit is ranked among the best and must have SUV accessories. Does anything guarantee you that you will find someone to help you when your car won’t start? The answer is no. This is why you need the jump starter kit, a battery source which enables drivers to start their vehicles if the battery dies.

You can jump-start your car by pegging the kit’s clamps to the car’s battery. You can utilize your jump starter as a backup power source. Check out the NOCO Genius Boost Plus GB400 if you are searching for the effective jump starter kit. The accessory comes with an inbuilt flashlight.

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3. Tire Pressure Monitoring System

Many accidents across the world happen as a result of unsafe vehicles on the roads. Optimizing tire pressure can enhance road safety. The Tire Pressure Monitoring System is specially designed to give drivers actual time information about the pressure of their tires. The information is relayed either through a plain low-pressure warning light, a gauge or through a pictorial display.

The accessory helps drivers to avoid traffic accidents, enhance fuel economy. Further, Tire Pressure Monitoring System enables drivers to notice the poor state of their tires, hence cutting down tire wear as a result of under-inflated tires.Some of the best Tire Pressure Monitoring Systems you can choose to include: the CARCHET TPMS Tire Pressure Monitoring System which has 4 easy to mount and replace external sensors, and a cigarette lighter plug. You can easily replace the batteries of this accessory.

In comparison to some of the available products in the market, the internal sensors of the CARCHET TPMS Tire Pressure Monitoring System are cheaper. What’s more, an individual chip regulates each sensor and automatically shuts down if your car has been immobile for up to 10 minutes. If you are looking for an alternative product, the Fobo Tire Plus is a great option.

This Tire Pressure Monitoring System is complex and wireless and comes with a modern Bluetooth 40 Fobo Plus which can directly work with high technology Android or iOS gadgets. Fobo Tire Plus comes with an in-car intelligent monitoring system which works independently, or in collaboration with your smartphone.

This Tire Pressure Monitoring System monitors up to 600 kPA and can give drivers warning alerts if its incapable of detecting a smartphone. The Fobo Tire Plus is a must-have accessory.

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4. GPS tracker

A GPS tracker connects with your smartphone and informs you of the exact position of your car. The GPS tracker comes in handy for parents who want to monitor the location of their children. For instance, if someone attempts to steal your vehicle, the gadget comes in handy.

One of the most effective GPS trackers is The Spy Tec portable GPS tracker which comes with a geo-fencing capability. You get alerts every time your car goes past the specified area. This gadget is small and you can attach it on the car seat belt or even inside a bag in the car.

5. Bluetooth In-Car Speakerphone

The Bluetooth In-Car Speakerphone is an SUV car accessory which helps you use your smartphone with ease while on the road. You only need to connect it to your smartphone and proceed with using your phone hands-free. If you love music or want to communicate with your loved ones, the Bluetooth In-Car Speakerphone is ideal.

The Jabra Freeway Bluetooth In-Car Speakerphone comes with a variety of features which include: a dual-mic noise cancellation, an FM transmitter, and a 3-speaker virtual surround sound. All the Jabra Freeway Bluetooth In-Car Speakerphone features are in automatic mode. The gadget will automatically turn on once you enter your car and turn off when you exit the car.

The Jabra Freeway is convenient for the driver since you can use your voice to connect to your phone automatically. For instance, if you are driving and a phone call comes through your phone, you don’t have to check who’s calling. The Jabra Freeway Bluetooth In-Car Speakerphone will read out the name of the caller to alert you. You can then receive the call using your voice.

6. Car Mount Holder

The Car Mount Holder facilitates the safe storage and removal of your phone. With this gadget, you are sure of your phone’s safety when driving and you don’t have to worry about it fluctuating or getting damaged especially if you’re driving off-road. The iOttie is a popular car mount holder.

This gadget is Easy One Touch 4 Dashboard & Windshield Car Phone Mount Holder, which is compatible with: iPhone Xs Max R 8 Plus 7 6s SE Samsung Galaxy S9 S8 Edge S7 S6 Note 9 and Other Smartphones. It is compact a compact mounting gadget designed using a restructured telescopic arm which extends up to 5 inches to give drivers various viewing angles.

You can move the gadget to the right, left, or even up and down. The iOttie can hold phones between 2.5 and 3.5 inches.

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7. Car Seatbelt Cutter and Window Glass Breaker

The Seatbelt Cutter and Window Glass Breaker enable you to exit your car during emergencies such as accidents. You can utilize it to either break your window or dashboard glasses or to cut your seatbelt. You can buy the RESQME Seatbelt Cutter and Window Glass Breaker 2 in 1 which auto experts say is among the best in the market.

This gadget is lightweight, compact, and robust. You don’t need to install it in your car. All you need is to place it within an easily accessible place. The RESQME Seatbelt Cutter and Window Glass Breaker 2 in 1 have been tried and tested by TUV and won the Red Hot Design award in 2014.

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 8. Bottle Jack For Car

A Bottle Jack For Car is a mechanical gadget used to lift heavy loads or apply great force. In the unfortunate event of a flat tire or if you need to maintain parts of your vehicle’s engine, or replace your worn out tires, this gadget comes in handy to help you lift your car up. The Alltrade 640912 Black 3 Ton, All-in-One Bottle Jack is ideal for SUVs.

It is durable, portable, and comes with safety bar locks which prevent the jack from descending once it reaches the maximum height. The Alltrade 640912 Black 3 Ton, All-in-One Bottle Jack is designed for a variety of vehicle models and has a wide steel base for added stability under load. You can raise this gadget up to 21 inches using manual adjustment.

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9. Car Key Finder

Car keys are among the most popularly misplaced items among many people. You don’t have to go through the agony that comes with misplacing your car keys. The Car Key Finder helps you trace your keys in record time. With the evolving technology, there are numerous high-tech car key finders available in the market today.

Tile mate is among the best Bluetooth trackers today. It comes with a compact design and can be easily converted to become a keychain, helping you to trace your keys with ease. All you need to use is use the Tile app in your Smartphone to trigger the Tile Mate. The gadget will then ring helping you to find it. If you misplace your phone, you can find it with Tile Mate.

10. SUV Trunk Accessories

Vehicle trunk organizers help you keep your car tidy, organized, and clean. There are various car trunk organizers available in the market today which you can utilize to keep all types of products. One of the best products on the market is the: FORTEM. The Fortem SUV trunk organizer is made of high-quality material to guarantee durability.

It comes with a lightweight and thin waterproof foldable nylon cover. Additionally, this organizer features sturdy and robust side walls, and reinforced base plates. The nonslip strips at the bottom prevent sliding. It also comes with additional storage space on the sides.

The three spacious compartments help you organize different products such as your groceries, sporting items, cleaning supplies, snacks, and even pet food and toys in an orderly manner. The Fortem trunk organizer is easy to use, install, and store after use.

11. SUV camping accessories

Going camping is an adventurous activity which you should consider doing regularly. Apart from helping you relax from the day to day hustles and bustles, camping helps you connect with your friends and bond with your family. Are you a camper in search of a combination of functionality and efficiency?

There are various SUV camping accessories which can help you enjoy your camping expedition. The SUV Eurow Tail Gator Sunshade Portable Shade features a canopy which protects users from the rain and sun. Its protected magnetic strip facilitates easy attachment to your car.

The Eurow Tail Gator Sunshade Portable Shade has a robust fiberglass frame design and is capable of extending the shade beyond your car at the front, the side, and the back. This product is large enough and can cover chairs, tables, pets, kids, and coolers.

12. SUV exterior accessories

If you want to customize the appearance of your SUV, you can do so by adding a few exterior accessories. There numerous robust and, functional accessories in the market which you can use to enhance aesthetics and safety, and personalize your car. The Auto Ventshade 194768 In-Channel Ventvisor Side Window Deflector gives your window channel a streamlined and sleek appearance.

This gadget is tinted and comes with reinforced acrylic which is scratch and UV resistant and safe for washing. The Auto Ventshade allows the circulation of fresh air when your windows are open while protecting you when it rains. Further, with this gadget, you can leave your parked car windows partially open to prevent heat build-up. You don’t need to drill your car to install the Auto Ventshade. It’s easy to install and comes in a curved design.

13. Booster Seat

If you are traveling with children, their safety should be given the first priority. What’s more, the car seat you choose should comply with the set regulatory standards. The Mifold Grab and Go car seat is one of the most functional booster seats. 4-year-old kids can use the advanced portable and compact seat. This seat is ten times smaller than ordinary seats. You can fold this car seat to fit the child’s bag, backpack, or glove compartment.

Finally

If you own an SUV and would like to enhance its performance and maximize your driving experience, choose any or more of the above-mentioned accessories. Still, you can use them to personalize your car and improve its aesthetics.

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[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 17: Good riddance to the Ravens, Seahawks, and 2017

On the final day of the year, one NFL fan tried to watch all of the RedZone action while parenting two toddlers.

It’s fitting that the NFL season came to a close on New Year’s Eve. After the Week 17 games, every team will start with a clean slate — either vying for the Lombardi Trophy in the playoffs, or taking stock of what went wrong and planning for 2018. Coaches will be fired, management restructured, free agents signed, hopes laid upon draftees. Injured players will return stronger than ever, and you’ll take this opportunity to improve yourself, too. Exercise more. Eat better. Work harder. A fresh start for all!

It’s a lie, of course. Unless a franchise has recently fired Jeff Fisher, a team will only take incremental steps forward or backward. Sure, there are exceptions: One or two teams will experience huge leaps in the win column thanks to turnover luck and positive results in close games, and those teams’ fans will be CERTAIN that it was the result of effort and superior coaching, and not the random providence of luck, destined to regress to the mean.

The truth is, the calendar is the only thing that’s changed. We can experience temporary improvements, but most of us are destined to regress to our personal means. And NFL teams are the same: Your team is unlikely to improve dramatically.

But the NFL monolith will scrape forward nonetheless. Your favorite players will get injured. People will complain about the refs. The Patriots will go 12-4. 2018 is the same hell as 2017, just fresher.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— It’s a tame early slate. Bears-Vikings, Jets-Pats, and Browns-Steelers are the only games with playoff implications, and that’s being generous. The (heavy) favorites in those games only have minor jockeying for bye weeks and top-2 conference seeding. I’m saving most of my attention span for the late games.

— A common theme for many of the early games is the extreme cold hitting much of the country. Players wear extra layers, helmets shrink, and Jets quarterbacks live out the metaphors of their station in life.

Inspiring start for Bryce Petty and the Jets http://pic.twitter.com/3t9LvfGCxb

— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) December 31, 2017

— My wife and I rented a car to take our kids to my sister’s place for a couple days after Christmas, with a stop along the way to see old friends. And I’m not going to relive the entire journey, but I will offer one unpleasant travel snapshot: Experiencing carsickness from constantly torquing my neck and back around to fruitlessly attempt to soothe two toddlers completely unaccustomed to car travel as snarled traffic turned a 3.5-hour car trip into a 6.5-hour cry-a-thon.

The lesson I refuse to learn: NEVER. GO. ANYWHERE.

The lesson I refuse to learn as a parent of young children: NEVER. GO. ANYWHERE.

— James Harrison is making his debut for the Patriots, and some Steelers fans are aghast. I don’t quite get the surprise. When Harrison was cut by the Steelers in 2013, he signed with the division rival Bengals. He also had a stint with the Ravens after being on the Steelers’ practice squad early in his career. This is James Harrison we’re talking about. He’s not a paragon of virtue loyal to the black and yellow; he’s a vindictive maniac who has dedicated his entire life to hitting people. Of COURSE he went to the Steelers’ biggest rival this year.

— Juju Smith-Schuster’s touchdown celebration gets an A for joyous creativity, and a D for snowball packing.

— It’s 2:15 p.m. and my son is awake at least 45 minutes earlier than my wife and I would like. He only ever takes 90-minute naps now. My daughter at his age would regularly sleep for three hours in the afternoon. Hell, she still sleeps longer in the afternoon than he does, and she’s twice his age. Sleep longer, you adorable goblin! You’re tired!

— The Bears score a touchdown on the famous fake where the punt returner feigns tracking the ball on one side of the field while a second player catches it on the other side of the field. Long live this explainer on why the play is so unstoppable.

— Dallas and Philadelphia are tied 0-0 at the half. Someone named Jeff Sudfeld is playing quarterback for the Eagles. Nick Foles is too valuable for the Eagles’ playoff run!

Last reminder of the year: (extremely long sigh) Any team in the NFL could have signed Colin Kaepernick on the cheap.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— The Colts attempt a surprise onside kick, and there appears to be an end-of-year fire sale on trick plays. If I were a coach about to get fired, you can bet your ass I would throw every unused page in the playbook at an opponent in Week 17: Fake punts, surprise onside kicks, hook-and-laterals, Fumblerooskis — the trick plays would get the defense so on edge for the trick plays that they would get knocked over by power runs.

And then I would be fired.

— Much of what I do on a week-to-week basis has already been collected, with much more brevity, in this piece of service journalism: Every dumb thing that happened in NFL Week 17. (No bits about parenting there, though.)

— Eight minutes into the third quarter, the Giants and Washington are a combined three-for-19 on third downs. It’s hard for me to express how much I’m enjoying not watching that game.

Instead, I’m watching these bad bartending videos:

There’s a whole series of those that are equally confounding, and they are either the stupidest videos on YouTube or the subtlest troll jobs I’ve ever seen.

As someone who’s been absorbing online culture as a job for more than a decade, it’s rare for me to find something like this inscrutable. Hundreds of dollars for a full bar, but no muddler? The totally incapable but somehow believable bartender? The pint glass of whiskey? This is a ruse, right? I refuse to be anyone’s mark.

— A fun new thing I have since the round-trip car voyage is a semi-permanent eye tic. Just a tiny little muscle spasm on my lower left eyelid that’s like, “Hey, remember that time you were trapped in a rolling box of stress for six hours? Twice?” Look for it on SB Nation’s YouTube channel in 2018.

Hey, remember that time you were trapped in a rolling box of stress for six hours?

— My wife leaves to walk the dog right as the early games wind down. Because we’re keeping our children out of the Arctic blast, I stay back with both kids. My son immediately grabs the iPad off the table and shoves his face into it.

“I want Elsa,” my daughter says, so I play “Let It Go” on Spotify and pull up an image of Elsa for her to look at while the song plays. Frozen is the next horizon for us after Moana. I’m fine with this eventuality, but Moana definitely has the superior story and soundtrack. The important thing is that they’re both better than the 50 years of Disney princess movies that came before. GAHHHH WHY DO I SPEND SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT DISNEY CARTOONS?

— The Browns, despite their best effort against the Steelers’ B-team, finish their season 0-16. Congratulations?

— Because all nine (!!!) late games start at 4:25 p.m. Eastern, RedZone’s Scott Hanson must deal with an action-less lull that’s unusual for so early in the day. It’s 4:15 and RedZone is running highlights, snippets of press conferences, and fantasy updates. And come on: I know the segment is sponsored, no self-respecting fantasy league is active in Week 17. Much like Le’Veon Bell.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— GAME TIME. My focus today is Panthers-Falcons, Saints-Bucs, and Cardinals-Seahawks. I want the Seahawks to win to stay alive for a playoff spot, and I need the Panthers to be motivated to beat the Falcons, which means I need Tampa Bay to give the Saints a fight, which means the Seahawks are probably going to miss the playoffs. Which, frankly, is probably better than getting blown out by the Rams or Saints on Wild Card Weekend. Everything is meaningless, by the way.

— Ah crap, Arizona opens the game with a touchdown. Drew Stanton escapes Michael Bennett on what could have been a 15-yard sack, buying enough time to throw a TD pass instead. I am going to hate today.

Tyler Lockett returns the ensuing kickoff for a touchdown to tie the game. I am already closing off all emotion to deal with whatever happens for the next three hours.

— In Tampa, the Bucs score game-opening TD. Yay! But then Alvin Kamara returns the ensuing kickoff for a TD. I NEED EVERYONE TO SETTLE DOWN, PLEASE.

— The kids are at the dinner table, alternately painting with watercolors and screaming. My son, whose relentless teething continues, takes a sip of water from the cup he’d been dipping his paintbrush in. My daughter, who has recovered from a double ear infection over Christmas only to get ANOTHER ear infection, has a Moana-themed coloring book. I read her the plot point that goes with each picture as another Panthers drive stalls. COME ON, CAM.

— The Niners are dominating early and up 10-0, but a Jimmy Garoppolo INT sets the Rams up in the red zone. However, the Niners D holds firm, and the Rams are forced to kick a field goal.

— Oh, hello there, AFC. I understand there are some stakes in your conference today, too, hmmm? In Los Angeles, where the Chargers need a win and some help to secure a playoff spot, Melvin Gordon fumbles, but Keenan Allen scoops up the fumble for an awesome TD.

Wait. WHAT?! Gordon loses it. Allen recovers. And SCORES. #Chargers http://pic.twitter.com/PQ59L012NB

— NFL (@NFL) December 31, 2017

My feelings on the four AFC teams vying for two Wild Card spots, ranked by preference:

Chargers. I know they deserve nothing but misery for leaving San Diego, but this team is genuinely fun to watch. Philip Rivers has been incredible this year, and Keenan Allen has stayed healthy! Melvin Gordon is great and likable! The defense has the kind of scary pass rush that can enable a deep playoff run (read: can knock Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger on their asses).

Bills. I hate tables.

Titans. This is one of the least inspiring winning teams I’ve seen in a long time, which is what it’s been since RedZone last clicked over to the Seattle game. Who has ever looked at the AFC South and said, “Yes, this division needs TWO playoff teams.”

Ravens. I strenuously object to Joe Flacco’s existence. If the Ravens offense touches your field, the earth there will be fallow for seven years.

— My kids, still sitting at the table, dance to “Twist and Shout” like two little Elaine Beneses, a brief moment of cheer before the Cardinals punch in another touchdown to take a 17-7 lead over the Seahawks. But the dancing! It’s so herky-jerky and devoid of coordination — like Seattle’s offensive line, but happy.

— What was I saying about the Chargers’ fearsome defense? On third and 22, Derek Carr unloads a bomb to Amari Cooper for an 87-yard touchdown.

EIGHTY-SEVEN YARDS!@DerekCarrQB to @AmariCooper9 for SIX! #RaiderNation http://pic.twitter.com/GLf0Q7bAva

— NFL (@NFL) December 31, 2017

My wife tells my daughter that the Raiders are Uncle Sean’s favorite team. “Can you say the Raiders?” she asks.

Daughter: “The Raid-ahhhhhs.” Chris Berman’s tics are much better when they’re done by toddlers.

— I get a text from Steven Godfrey, SB Nation’s excellent college football reporter who is also doomed to an existence of Falcons fandom. It is to me and Brian Floyd, our managing editor who is also a Seahawks fan: “Please God take this wildcard spot.”

Floyd and I both reject any desire to see these Seahawks in the playoffs. It feels good to own the feeling, to want a different team in a new season instead of watching this one for another week.

— Here is the first RedZone play featuring the Ravens offense that I see: Joe Flacco throws a one-yard crossing route to a running back, who drops the ball. A graphic pops up that says it is the Ravens’ fifth dropped pass of the day. Put this offense in a rocket and fire it into the deepest reaches of space.

— Philip Rivers throws another deep bomb for a touchdown. God, this team belongs in the playoffs, and they’re not going to make it because the first quarter of their season was a grotesque monkey’s paw retribution inflicted by the San Diego city council.

— The Saints attempt a fake field goal, the Bucs don’t fall for it, and Wil Lutz gets CRUSHED. If you ask me, there are simply not enough punters getting blown up by defenders in today’s NFL. (Miss you, Sean Taylor.)

Not enough punters are getting blown up in today’s NFL.

— A big hit in the Ufford household these days is the Daddy Monster. I become my alter ego, roar, and chase my son into the corner where I tickle him and pretend to eat him. “OM NOM NOM!” I say.

He stands up and says, “Naan naan naan!” in his little voice. I feign terror and let him chase me. I hope you didn’t take what I said about the car ride and the eye tic too seriously, because parenting is great.

— Breaking news: The Colts have fired Chuck Pagano. So we’re doing away with Black Monday now? Just getting it out of the way on Sunday?

— I change my son’s poopy diaper. But don’t think of it as poop! It’s more like his butt threw up.

— Flacco watch:

Flacco 3/16 says "Hey remember that time I won a Super Bowl?" http://pic.twitter.com/pvaQG3RKhs

— James Dator [waiting for recognition] (@James_Dator) December 31, 2017

— HALFTIME SCORES:

The Seahawks trail at home 20-7, their only score a kickoff return TD. Burn this season to the ground.

Chargers lead the Raiders 20-10 despite having a FG and PAT blocked. Very on-brand.

Carolina and Atlanta are tied 7-7.

Buffalo leads Miami 10-0. David Fales has replaced Jay Cutler, who is riding a jet ski pantsless to the nearest bank with a boat-thru teller to cash his game check. I am gonna miss that guy so much.

Only a missed extra point is keeping the Bucs from being even with the Saints. New Orleans leads 14-13. Get inspired, Carolina!

Titans 12, Jags 3. Jacksonville trails because its defensive and special teams units have struggled to score touchdowns.

49ers 20, Rams 6. If anything, this score is flattering for the Rams. San Fran-Clara will be a chic pick to win the NFC West next year.

An 85(ish)-yard kickoff return with seconds left in the half gifts Baltimore with a touchdown that cuts the Cincinnati lead to 17-10. C’mon Bengals, don’t Bengal this one.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— I make a vow to myself: The Seahawks have one possession, the first of the half, to keep me interested in the result of their game, and even then … BARELY. Naturally, the run game comes to life, Russell Wilson connects on a pass, and this appears to be a crude approximation of a drive.

— Shady McCoy is carted off. Screw this season.

— I help with the end of the kids’ bath time. My son, who hates getting out of the bath, sits in tub as the water empties. “Fee-oh,” he says, for frio, because my children are dual-language geniuses. I let him chill there while I peek at the TV; I’m just in time to see Doug Baldwin score a touchdown that narrows the score to 20-14.

The next drive — at least, the next drive I catch a glimpse of — Shaquill Griffin intercepts a Drew Stanton overthrow, and I now feel confident that the Seahawks can get a comeback victory, only for the Falcons to lock down the last playoff spot with a win. (With the Panthers trailing 10-7, Cam Newton promptly throws a terrible interception.)

— The Saints have been a little shaky for the last month of the season, but I could definitely endorse Alvin Kamara destroying the entire playoff field. Look at him make a contested catch downfield:

Oh my goodness, @A_kamara6. #GoSaints http://pic.twitter.com/4bLIJaPrzI

— NFL (@NFL) December 31, 2017

That drive ends in a field goal, and the Saints lead 17-13.

— Ravens WR Chris Moore bobbles a red zone pass, which is intercepted and returned for a touchdown. The Bengals lead 24-10, and I am HERE for the season implosion.

Yes, that is Joe Flacco's pick-six. http://pic.twitter.com/Utx1SfhBP3

— Seth Walder (@SethWalder) December 31, 2017

— The Bucs force a fumble on a punt return and return it for a touchdown! The used coffee grounds of the NFC South are ahead of the division leaders, 20-14.

— With the Seahawks trailing 23-14, they definitely could use a field goal to make it a one-score game. Instead:

Thomas Rawls' taunting penalty cost the Seahawks 15 yards and likely cost them three points as well.

— Brady Henderson (@BradyHenderson) December 31, 2017

— With the Tennessee leading 15-3 in the fourth quarter, all the Titans have to do is bleed clock and let Blake Bortles throw it to their defense. Instead, Marcus Mariota and Derrick Henry collide on a handoff, and the Jaguars return the fumble for a touchdown.

I just checked, and the Jaguars have seven defensive touchdowns this year. That’s a lot, but I could have sworn it was more. Like, if you told me that Bortles had thrown as many touchdowns as the defense scored, I would have believed you. But Bortles had 21 passing TDs (to 13 picks); the NFL works in mysterious ways.

— I pause RedZone to put the kids to bed. I read my son Good Night Moon because he freaking LOVES seeing the moon. “MOON! MOON! MOON!” every time there’s a moon on the page of a book. As I read the last page — “Good night noises everywhere” — he puts his finger to his lips and says, “Shhhh.”

I offer him a choice of second books but he olds up Good Night Moon again. So I read it a second time, but with four pages to go, he shuts the book and says, “All done!” Oh, I’m sorry. Did you perhaps already know how it ends?

— Twenty minutes later, the kids are in bed and I’m back in front of the TV, but I don’t have the energy or desire to watch everything I missed, so I just skip to live TV. The biggest news is that the Panthers have farted their way around the second half to lose to the Falcons by two scores, rendering the Seahawks game pointless. Or more pointless than usual, at least.

And the Panthers should be kicking themselves over that performance: With nine seconds remaining in Tampa, the Bucs score a go-ahead touchdown that gives them a meaningless win and leads to a super-awkward unfriendly never-ending handshake between Sean Payton and Dirk Koetter. The Panthers will go on the road to face the Saints instead of hosting them next weekend.

— The Titans lock up a playoff spot with their win over the Jaguars. When it comes to the other Wild Card spot, the Bills win, but they need help from the Bengals, who have lost their lead in Baltimore. Ravens ahead 27-24.

— Oh, the Seahawks lost, too. Blair Walsh missing a 48-yarder to lose a game that couldn’t save their season is the perfect ending to this campaign. (I may have been miserable watching the Seahawks this season, but they were also an effective kicker away from being 12-4.)

— The last game of the RedZone season is Bengals-Ravens, and my remaining hopes and dreams rest on ... an Andy Dalton drive? Oh Jesus, where’s the liquor?

— On 4th and 12 near midfield, the Bengals season is about to sputter and die, and I’m beginning to accept the Ravens beating Kansas City when DALTON COMPLETES THE PASS! TYLER BOYD SLIPS A TACKLE AND GETS TO THE END ZONE!!!

THE @BENGALS! TOUCHDOWNNNN! WOW. #Bengals50 http://pic.twitter.com/NB78jk9U2a

— NFL (@NFL) January 1, 2018

YEAAAAAGGGHHHHH I COULD LIFT A VOLKSWAGEN OVER MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

— With a chance to respond, Joe Flacco quickly leads the Ravens to zero first downs and 4th and 14, at which point he completes a pass eight yards short of the first-down marker. GOOD RIDDANCE, GARBAGE BIRDS.*

And good riddance, 2017. Here’s to marginal improvements in 2018.

*insult also applicable to the author’s team of choice