#by which i mean i'm going to cry about my traumas and my recovery

[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 1: The Infinity Necklace

“I love you too, Koo,” a faint whisper comes out of my parted lips as Jungkook’s eyes slowly close from the anesthesia spreading through his system, blocking any remaining signals of consciousness. Just an hour ago, this room was filled with our laughter as his teasing request to ruin our friendship bounced off the four walls, fueling the flush rising up my cheeks. Now, the same room is still, as if time itself has stopped, the walls, echoing merely the beeps of the heart monitor. 

As my body becomes numb to the cold floor, I lose track of time, dissociating into the far abyss. And as my eyes rest shut, it’s as if I can still feel his warm embrace, the way his grip tightens around my waist with every restless move I try to make. While hundreds of souls pass by my lifeless form under the dim lights of the main hallway, nothing but the scent of Jungkook’s vanilla musk lingers in the cold air. Koo, please tell me this isn’t real. 

"Mira, honey, wake up,” whispers of a familiar voice bring me back to reality as I feel a hand on my shivering shoulders. 

“Koo?” I reply momentarily, red, puffy eyes looking up in search of his being. One that was certainly no longer there, as my helpless hope ceased to exist upon seeing Tae’s worried face. Feeling my eyes swell with tears, his arms encompass my distressed self as my fatigued body gives into his warm embrace. Stroking my curls, his touch is gentle, cautious even. 

“It’s going to be okay Mira. Jungkook is a tough guy, he will be fine, alright?” he assures, wiping the tears rolling down my face, before turning his attention to Jimin's out-of-breath state as he rushes towards us.

“Sorry, the traffic was really bad,” Jimin explains to Tae before looking past his form as his eyes search my crouched body. 

“Mira, how are you? Do you want some water? I can grab you something from the cafeteria …” he goes on as the head surgeon and their team of staff exit Jungkook's room. Hearing the door close behind them, my eyes shoot up, slight hope regenerating within those tired orbs. 

“How is he? Can I see him? Please,” my voice was faint and shaky. Before proceeding with the prognosis the doctor clears her throat, looking over Jungkook's records. 

“The head injury experienced by Mr. Jeon has resulted in trauma that escalated dramatically, leaving him in a temporary coma. It is important to note that prior to our operation, the effects of the incident were seen in his inability to access the short-term memory in his brain. Despite meeting us just a few hours ago, Mr. Jeon was in visible distress, alarmed at the sight of “unrecognizable” doctors and nurses,” she explains, maintaining eye contact with all three of us, anticipating the potential inquiries that could come up.

“Fortunately, his vitals are good, which means that Mr. Jeon’s recovery shouldn't take longer than, I reckon, a week or two,” 

“What about his memory? Will he be able to recover it?” Jimin buds in, eyes still monitoring my state. Which to be truthful, was in complete shock. My body was experiencing everything and nothing all at once. At that moment, I could cry, hyperventilate, scream, yell, curse, and all of the above. But I didn't, instead, my eyes were trying to sneak even the slightest glimpse of Jungkook through the little window. 

“Doctor, could I please see him?” I plead, looking back at Tae and Jimin for their mutual help. 

“I'm sorry miss, but visitations are not allowed until the following day,” she says firmly, before being interrupted by Tae’s attempt at negotiation. 

“Please, doctor, could we stay just for tonight? We will leave first thing tomorrow morning. His family is all in Busan,” he explains. 

Looking back at the staff, the doctor clears her throat again before turning her gaze back on me with slightly furrowed brows. 

“Alright, but just for tonight. Please, do not disturb him,” her tone is strict and sharp. 

As my chest heaves up, I can feel my breathing speed up, throat tightening in the process. Eyes swelled up with tears, I pushed past the group of nurses and doctors and rushed toward Jungkook’s still body. His skin was pale and cold to the touch. Eyes closed, he looked completely helpless, form, small and fragile under the hospital lights. 

“Koo,” I whisper, before dropping beside him, intertwining my hand with his. Placing a gentle kiss on his soft skin, I wipe the teardrops rolling down my face before glancing back at Tae and Jimin, who stood still by the door frame. It’s their best friend, their brother, the baby of the group. Eyes scattering his form, they try to hold back their own tears, before coming in to comfort me again. 

As the night went on the room filled with silence, my eyelids getting heavier and heavier with each passing hour. Jimin went out to get us some food, while Tae stayed with me, gently caressing my hair as my head rested beside Jungkook’s. I didn’t mean to but I guess, my body couldn’t resist any longer, giving in to the fatigue as my eyes slowly shut. Falling asleep, I could feel Jimin covering my seated form with his jacket, as their voices became increasingly distant. 

“I can sleep on the floor, it's fine,” Jimin suggests.

“Are you insane? It’s cold and dirty, let’s just share the couch,” Tae says, before plopping his aching body on the soft cushion. Doing the same, Jimin exhales deeply, shaking his head trying to comprehend the aftermath of the situation. His analysis, however, was short-lived, as the two succumbed to their own fatigue, falling asleep rather quickly. And, as the beeping sound of the heart machine filled the atmosphere, I sneaked a quick glance at the couch, smiling upon seeing both friends covered under Tae’s jacket. 

- -

Staying true to our word, we were gone by the morning but as I looked back at Jungkook’s pale face the aching feeling in my heart grew stronger. 

“I’ll be back Koo, I promise,” I whisper into his ear, tearful gaze focused on his closed eyes. With hopes of receiving even the slightest sign of his consciousness, I wait just a little longer before covering his still body with the soft blanket. 

The following days were filled with visits from Jungkook’s faculty friends and work acquaintances, who brought anything and everything that once made him laugh. Eventually, as the room filled with his memories, the dim lights under which Jungkook slept became brighter, fueling back the life he was once so full of. 

“I hope you like it, baby,” I say softly, looking at the silver necklace around his neck. An infinity necklace. A symbol of never-ending love pillared on an unending bond between two people.

“Koo, you promised you wouldn’t leave. But, I guess, it’s my turn to wait for you now. I’ll wait for infinity if I have to. Just please come back to me,” my words mutter into the soft kiss on his forehead, as tears roll down my face. Leaning closer, I rest my head on his as we sit in the deafening silence. I miss his laugh and the little nose crunch that followed right after. I miss his bunny teeth and the way his doe eyes sparkled. I just miss … him.

- -

Laughter and chatter fill the lecture hall as the professor dismisses the class upon wishing everyone a restful winter break. Glancing at Tae, we exchange soft smiles before heading out. Although my body desperately needs this break, my mind and heart are just simply not at ease, so it’s hard to truly appreciate the free time. Especially, without the one person I was meant to spend it with. 

“I’m going to try out the bakery that just opened by our dormitory, do you want me to grab you something?” Tae asks with a boxy smile, eyes searching mine. 

“No, thanks Tae. I’m gonna drop by Jungkook, and see how he’s doing,” I say softly. Even though, we both know how he is doing. Unconscious and lonely. Nonetheless, I promised him I wouldn’t leave, so I tried to visit every day, becoming a familiar face to the receptionists working at the front. And, although Tae knows this isn’t the healthiest of coping mechanisms, he doesn’t have the heart to snap me out of it, so instead, he pulls me into a warm hug before we wave each other goodbye. 

- - 

Stopping by the flower shop, I grab a bouquet of tiger lilies which were Koo’s favourite, before heading to the hospital. As the winter season progressed, the days became colder and darker. But, nothing could stop me, especially not when even the mere thought of being beside Jungkook warmed my aching heart. So, there I was, rushing towards his embrace before being abruptly stopped in my tracks upon seeing the empty room. Nothing, and I mean nothing is left of Jungkook’s presence. Feeling my breathing increase, I double-check the room number, even though I’ve now memorized every inch of his premises. 

“Sorry, but where is the patient residing in room 9223?” I ask one of the nurses passing by. 

“Oh, Mr. Jeon has been discharged,” she replies calmly, her smile slowly fading upon seeing the way my eyebrows furrowed with confusion. 

“Discharged? By who? How? I was here yesterday, and he was still unconscious,” I exclaim, voice now shaky. 

“Mr. Jeon was discharged early in the morning by his parents,” the nurse continued before excusing herself as the ringing of her pager filled the silence between us. And, as my eyes swell with tears, I dial Jimin’s phone number, hoping he would know where Jungkook is. 

“Mira?” 

“Jimin? Jiminah, is Jungkook with you?” I stutter nervously, tears rolling down my flushed face. 

“No, I was just going to call you. His room is empty, what’s going on?” Jimin explains, sounding just as confused. 

“I don’t know, apparently, his parents came to pick him up,” I shake my head, trying to regain my composure as my hands begin to tremble. Jungkook wouldn’t leave without telling me. Right?

Next l Index

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Adam Gets World's No.1 Worst Peepaw Shirt (2024)

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[Note: Please Click On The Drawing To Make It Bigger In Order To Read The Purple Words Better On Peepaw Adam's Shirt, and the speech bubbles from those who are speaking.

and incase it might still be a bit hard to read what Peepaw-Adam is saying here is what he is saying in the drawing: "What does this shirt say..? I can't read it Upside-Down. it was a Gift from a "Earth Angel Princess" who calls herself "The Eveningstar Princess" Whatever that means. but she is my Alternate Counterpart's Descendant-Granddaughter, who is also a Descendant of both Cain & Seth, as well as King David and King Solomon as well as King Solomon's Son, Rehoboam. man, sucks to be her, how unlucky is she to be the descendant of King Solomon! but at least she can be thankful to be My descendant! well, that OTHER me's own descendant anyway. man, the words on this shirt is VERY long, it must talk about how AWESOME I am."....despite what he might think, it doesn't talk about how Awesome he is. XD lol ]

Credit for Hazbin Hotel goes to Vivienne "Vivziepop" Medrano & SpindleHorse

Credit for Transformers goes to Hasbro & TakaraTomy

Credit for Transformers: Prime Series goes to Jeff Kline, Alex Kurtzman, Duane Capizzi & Roberto Orci

Credit Transformers Animated Series goes to Sam Register & Matt Youngberg

Credit for Steven Universe Series goes to Rebecca Sugar

Credit for Cuphead goes to Studio-MDHR

Credit for Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt goes to Gainax

Credit for Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts goes to Radford Sechrist & Bill Wolkoff

----------

I regret nothing...

and I think Ficto-Peepaw Adam deserves that shirt.

Cuphead is trying not to laugh, and Steven knows how bad it will be if Adam finds out what that shirt says, possibly thanks to Garnet's future vision.

also, I like idea of Knockout being Steven's Cybertronian Guardian and Knockout could of started out as Steven's Guardian when Steven was just a baby, and it being Rose who was the first out of the Crystal Gems and Other Humans besides Greg in Beach City that saw the good in Knockout, and Garnet was the second to see the good in him and Amethyst was the third but it took Pearl a lot longer to fully trust Knockout.

also Kipo in this, is a future version who still has part of her new hair style from the epilogue but this version of Kipo grew her hair longer and might be around her mid-20s and is married to a unknown spouse.

Sari in this drawing is 23 years old but close to becoming 24 years.

or she could already be 24 years old.

and yes, I am the "Eveningstar Princess" and "Earth Angel Princess" who gave that Adam the shirt. XD

I am Cain & Seth's Weird Descendant Granddaughter, Long Live The Divine Feminine Revolution and for it's Healing and Recovery!

we should put a protective barrier around the Earth to stop the Negative and Toxic energy from the Toxic-Masculine energy through, and only allow the positive Masculine energy through.

it might be able to help both Omni-Mom and the Divine Feminine heal even more if all Earth Angels worked together to form a protective barrier so that the Feminine part of the Earth can heal properly...and the whole two certain Masculine sides crossing the line with their fight is not helping in the recovery process.

Lucifer and Samael still ain't the boss of me, no matter which one of them is Cain's Dad...

also even if not everyone has to agree to it but respect my new view of belief...

but I'm still going to believe in both God/Heavenly-Father & Goddess/Earthly-Mother...

and I rather not have some Toxic-Religious jerk from before, make me feel really bad and cry and throw those misused words they threw me before...I'm still gonna hope I don't run into that Toxic-Religious Jerk again...that still might count as religious trauma, which could be second to any past life Toxic-Religious Trauma...

I guess it was a little surprised that fans were right about that Adam from Hazbin Hotel, being THE Adam...which means he is like a Alternate Counterpart of the one that was from here...

which still makes that Adam from Hazbin Hotel, "The First Peepaw"

don't know if Cain will appear in that series or what he would be like.

but no matter the Multiverse, he is still Grunkle-Grandpa, along with Seth being Grunkle-Grandpa...at least the descendants they had married each other many generations later...is that correct...?

they don't need to be marrying too close to the tree...

the descendants of the early generations that were descended from Seth and Cain, would have to have different DNA from another Paternal and Maternal source and they would have to still marry into different bloodlines to different humans in order for the descendants of both Seth and Cain back then, were to marry each other...because it would mean they would be hardly be closely related so there will be no possible problems with the future offspring.

which I'm glad to be a "Purple Blood" rather than a "Blue Blood", yeah being a "Blue Blood" is like another word for Royalty but given that is true, but I'm glad that some of my Ancestors are both Royal and Non-Royals, and I don't want to be called a blue blood, but instead a purple blood. :)

also even if ya can look to the situation with Cain and who his bio-dad is, either it be Samael or Lucifer, and it being like the same situation in a Hazbin Hotel AU's Fanon Timeline....with Adam being the Step-Dad of Cain...

it would still make for a good Jerry Springer comedy, but instead of Jerry, it's some guy named Perry who has to talk to both Eve and the possible fathers of Cain, and even have the Step-Dad Adam there as well...

I wouldn't be surprised if Adam and Eve from Hazbin Hotel are divorced, like for all we know, Eve could of left him like around early 202X.

Adam could act like it never happen and could be in denial that both of his two ex-wives Lilith and Eve left him...

which would serve that Peepaw Adam right, that's what you get for being a selfish, egoistical, toxic-masculine jerk.

I think it could be interesting if it turn out Cain and Charlie were half-siblings, which would mean that Lucifer from that series was with Eve first before he and Lilith fell in love...

like Eve and Lucifer had to have a mutual break-up, because they knew they couldn't truly be together because one of the reasons being Adam...and at some point Lucifer meets Lilith, falls in love again, but for all we know Lucifer could still have feelings for Eve as well.

and yeah, like the shirt that Adam is wearing points out...

Abel should not be around Fluffy-Babies, and if ever tried that "offering" stuff with my first or second cats (my first cat is no longer with us and had passed away a few years ago, and I was lucky to get my second cat when they were still a little kitten.) I would go Feral Earth Angel on him.

and like I said before, if those at the vet did anything wrong with my second cat or like if they weren't taken there on time...

if I had the power to, I would start Omnigeddon...

like in theory it is like Armageddon but FAR and way worse...

lucky it might not be thing...but yeah the thoughts of wanting to start Omnigeddon did come to my mind if anything bad happen to my second cat when they had to go to the vet and they had to have surgery.

also there could be better ways to spiritually offer food even if it is meat to like both the Heavenly-Father & Earthly-Mother...

like having to cook it, and serve it with fruits and vegetables and eating it with friends and family...

and also spiritually sharing it with both the Heavenly-Father and Earthly-Mother...

and yeah, I'm still going to view both Abel and Cain being in the wrong, but Cain only got far worse because of bad parenting and his depression getting far worse and reaching a very dangerous breaking point...

and if anyone needs to be redeem at Charlie's Hotel, it's both Cain and Abel.

oh, and yes Steven is holding a cellphone to talk to Knockout and one could view that Steven is whispering so Adam doesn't hear him.

anyway hope some like this Crossover Fanart.

and once again, when it comes to giving Ficto-Peepaw Adam that shirt, I still regret nothing. XD

[monstrous-femme]

For the fic ask game, 🎀 🎙️ 💌 please!

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

My writing is super lyrical and pretty without getting so far into that that it becomes unreadable if that makes sense? I know when to go all in on prose and when to reign it in. I also write very fun and in-character dialogue!

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

I mean I would definitely cry (in a good way) if anyone made a podfic of any of my fics but I would especially love one for In Her Hips, There's Revolution because it's in a fandom active enough that a podfic would likely continue to build engagement

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

because I write non-linearly, I've written a fair chunk of the ending for In her Hips, and I am v excited for a) the smut (the smut! I've never written smut into a plotty fic before and I think it's going to be HOT) and b) some of the trauma-recovery work-- I think i'm going to stick the landing on the happy ending to a trauma fic better than I ever have before!

ask me fanfiction writing questions

[vizthedatum]

Ramble after having a surgical operation and the end of my period yesterday

Surgery (bladder cystoscopy with hydrodistension - my second one (I have interstitial cystitis and chronic UTIs (and PCOS, PMDD, endometriosis, gender dysphoria, pelvic floor trauma and dysfunction, vulvodynia (actually a lot better the past 2 years, and my topical vaginal estrogen helps), an insatiable thirst for sex (that is actually satisfied, to be honest), problems with orgasms (which has gotten so much better this year! yay!!), dysphoria and dysmorphia about how my pelvis and genitals look (sigh I wish I had a dick and a vagina - I mean I am gonna go on T soon) presumably and supposedly went fine yesterday.

I have a UTI, most likely right now (and I'm being medicated just in case because the culture results aren't back yet (no STIs, though, not that that was the point)), but they went in and took pics and stuff. They said I was inflamed, but I'm also so tired right now that my brain can't remember everything. I try, though. The previous day, I had a blood draw, and some immune markers were up - and this month has been very hard.... I could very well be flaring. I did tell the pre-op team and my doctor that I was having UTI symptoms but that it could be IC symptoms (which, I often say just like that because a lot of people seem to forget that IC symptoms and UTI symptoms are STRONGLY SIMILAR - sometimes even the same).

I was in massive pain when I woke up in the first recovery room... and I had a self-aware meltdown with the pain. Ugly crying and trying not to scream. Probably loud crying oof. Everyone was nice - one nurse really tried her best. I had four nurses trying to comfort me... and I was not making it easy, sigh. I hate that I felt "too much," but also? also? (this is a sign of growth) - I knew I was the patient; I knew that I legitimately was in discomfort and was not ok, and I deserved to take up space with my feelings. I needed to cry and be in anguish because I was in anguish...

I was just burning.

My pelvis was burning. I wasn't bleeding, though... "oh good, my period has ended, and I have no bleeding from the procedure... umm, omfg..." Nurse: what's your pain level? Me: an 8... Nurse: that's your baseline, isn't it? Me: what?? *remembers the painful conversation with my pre-op nurse where I told her, "I don't agree with that question," when I was asked, "What's your pain from 1-10?"* Me: I always have pain but this is worse, this isn't ok. Me, shortly after: IT'S A TEN AND I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN *straight ugly sobbing*

We did a lot to calm me down:

rubbing my back

pillows

blankets

no blankets

breathing with me

helping me understand that this is temporary (to which I yelled: OF COURSE I KNOW IT'S TEMPORARY, I KNOW IT IS BUT IT HURTS NOW WAAHHHHH)

heat packs

ice packs

they wiped me up just in case the soap they used after the operation was causing me an allergy or too strong

giving me lots of emesis bags to throw up in

giving me water, which I also threw up

giving me the pyridium I wanted, which would have helped me with my bladder pain (I wish they didn't pump me up with narcotics - I wish they hadn't - I needed the localized pain, and the narcotics did nothing for my IC pain) - I also threw that up! They gave me another one on my insistence - and I threw that one up, too!

holding my hand

answering my very demanding questions

paging my doctors (the main one who did the surgery couldn't make it)

letting me wail, basically

giving me oxygen from an oxygen tank because I was probably having a panic attack (I think they also gave me meds for anxiety/panic, and I was like: I AM ACTING LIKE THIS BECAUSE MY PAIN IS BEYOND A TEN. I AM NOT CRAZY)

hear me explain how no one in my clinic thinks IC is a disability (me: *more sobbing*)

hear me tell all of them that they BETTER NOT ADMIT ME INVOLUNTARILY AGAINST MY WILL FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH JUST BECAUSE I AM CRYING FROM PAIN (me: THIS IS A PERFECTLY VALID RESPONSE TO THIS PAIN *sobbing so hard*)

More details about surgery later. Super tired now.

[lesbianlothcats]

fallen order is just. all about grief and the pain of losing yourself because you could have been better, you should have been better, that it wouldn’t have happened to you if you had just been better, but how that just isn’t true. you were enough and it wasn’t your fault. you didn’t need to do better because you were doing your best and it just wasn’t your fault. that your pain and hurt doesn’t have to define you, and that you can and you will live past it. you can’t change what happened now and you couldn’t have changed it then, but you can make the choice to not just survive, but live.

[raggedyhive]

as our system’s persecutor/trauma holder/protector and a hardcore jake lockley kinnie,, ur most recent fic made me cry so much i feel slightly nauseous so thanks ig? but genuinely ur writing is perfect thanks for facilitating my DID recovery via fanfiction

Hi there, don't mind me having sooo many feelings about this, I seriously can't emphasize enough how much this comment means to me, and I can't emphasize enough how glad I am that my writing had this effect on you

I am very sorry crying made you nauseous and dearly hope that it was a Very Good Cry

But seriously, I'm so, so happy that this work touched you, and I am wishing you all the damn best for recovery and happiness--admittedly this work was the one I was the most worried about given the places I was going specifically with Jake (which hoo boi yeah it was hard to write but a great catharsis for me, too), so I am just jehrgbshrbfshkegb Yes I Am Comprehensible

Thank you so, so much for reaching out, seriously, and I wish you and your system all the very best! If you ever want to reach out again (on or off anon), you're absolutely welcome, but ofc no pressure or anything, we just want ya to know you have a place here if you need :)

Anywho brb I gotta go and sit with my feelings and Process and maybe cry a Good Cry a wee bit as well, thank you and all the love <3

[bbq-hawks-wings]

On Hawks' Injuries

Alright, let's get this out of the way.

"His back... It's... gone!"

I may like to act like an intellectual, but no amount of analysing the color of the curtains changes the fact that I'm a married, mother of two, in her mid-twenties fixated on a fictional character from a series aimed at teenagers about superhero high school. The innuendo from Dark Shadow, the implications of what this means for Hawks on a personal and professional level - that shit stings and I might actually cry when this dumpster fire ends up in the anime in a few years.

We won't know about the extent of his injuries until he's been examined by a doctor, but considering how quickly his wings went up (this all happens in seconds which means those flames are extremely hot)...

...We're looking easily at huge patches of third degree burns with first and second scattered across his body. The area most affected is in the center of his back which does not have a lot of soft tissue to insulate before you're getting to very important nerves and organs, and the scar tissue that will likely form in the muscles and skin after healing may leave his movement heavily restricted.

Depending on how gruesome Horikoshi wants to be, Hawks not only will never get his wings back, but he could be looking at significant permanent disability for the rest of his life. This isn't even taking into consideration the acute complications he may face on the road to recovery including fighting off bacterial infections, fluid loss, and his immediate increased risk of hypothermia. Left improperly treated, someone with this level of burn injury faces an agonizing death (though, a quick one after passing out without treatment), and proper treatment would likely require huge amounts of pain medication to make the long road to recovery even bearable. This doesn't even take into account any additional injury he may have sustained when he hit his head after Dark Shadow dropped them off the balcony.

Remembering for a minute that this is a battle Shonen we're talking about, this is an absolute worst case scenario, and this post goes over how it likely won't end up this bad in the narrative, but that doesn't minimize the sheer brutality of the beating he just took. The fact that he only passed out after hitting his head is pretty miraculous in and of itself, but I'll force myself to suspend my amazement a little bit given the nature of the source material.

Let's assume at the very least his wings aren't coming back, and he'll need at least a week with good medical attention and healing quirks to just be able to get out of bed again. What then?

It should always be obvious when I predict the future that it's all speculation because I'm not actually clairvoyant, but you know disclaimer or whatever.

We have some nasty red flags staring us down in regards to where this fight is going right now. Shigaraki is awake. Dabi's words after Tokoyami escapes with Hawks insinuates there's an alternate plan than the MLA had, Gigantomachia is moving, and the tides are quickly turning for the heroes without even all of that. This fight looks like it's about to go south real fast.

If the heroes lose with significant losses - with any amount of death or injury - and with the added knowledge they at least partially relied on young, inexperienced kids to help bolster their numbers in the hopes to end this quickly, by the time Hawks wakes up he'll not only be staring down his own personal loss in the wake but the weight of the guilt of what he'll perceive as his own failure will crush him. I also sincerely believe that worst detail at the end of it will be him knowing he personally killed a good man for nothing to even come of it in the end.

Remembering also that the Hero Public Safety Commission is the one who tasked him with this mission in secret and the fact, again, that they pulled children into this failed fight - I do not believe they will take responsibility. This doesn't even take into account the fact he'll be useless as a hero and that they don't even know the extent of his knowledge of their inner workings which makes him a dangerous potential leak.

What's more, news of Hawks' betrayal of the MLA will spread through the ranks and file into the public consciousness. On every single side Hawks will be the scapegoat while he is fighting for his life from a hospital bed. He'll be in more danger without the fierce protection of trusted friends than he was while deep in enemy territory. If he doesn't have a tribe he can trust to keep him safe, maybe even going as far as to clandestinely steal him away where he can't be found, attempts on his life are not out of the question.

Hawks will have a choice to make - rise up and make some real god-damned change while we're already up to our necks or roll over and let the world come crashing down around him as he sinks into despair. He can either settle for being a symbol of failure or he can take the chance to rebirth himself.

Could Hawks' wings ever come back?

This injury is insinuated to be permanently damaging. Whatever mechanism grafted Hawks' wings to his back and allowed him to control them is implied to be damaged beyond recovery, if not completely gone.

However, given Eri's mere existence it's absolutely possible to rewind that injury. Before the battle began it was insinuated Eri will end up using her power again, perhaps even out of necessity. It's an absolutely broken quirk, to be sure; but running with the idea that at some point her power will be offered to Hawks to let him have his wings back - perhaps it's even her idea - I posit two scenarios:

Hawks accepts and he's given a second chance to be whatever he wants to be. His freedom completely restored to him physically and figuratively, he begins life anew with a zeal and solemn appreciation for life and the people in it because the opportunity to make a full return like this is a one in a million chance he's lucky to have.

Hawks turns her down, at least uncomfortable with the idea of using a child's quirk for his own benefit given his own history, even if she offers it freely with no additional obligation to herself. He takes a moral stand in the moment to say, "It's not your job to fix my mistakes and shortcomings" and lives as an example of accountability and living with the hard choices you've made in life and learning how to be happy despite the loss.

I would personally be happy with either if Horikoshi intends to take either route. It's more than possible neither will happen, but with the Eri angle, I hope the possibility is at least touched upon. Maybe it's a one-shot thing and he chooses to let her restore someone like Mirio instead. Maybe it'll get completely broken and bring back every hero - Hawks, Mirio, Mirko, etc. - perhaps even triggered by her own determination to help in any way she can. We'll have to see. The story can take any number of directions after this, and it's not so much where we're going that has me antsy as much as the wait it'll take to get there.

[jamiebluewind]

Character Descriptions for Fantasy High 2.9!

***

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warning: trauma, abuse, mental abuse, neglect, starvation, manipulation, memory loss mention, dark themes, isolation, imprisonment, fantasy racism, vomit mention (please let me know if I missed any)

All pronounciations typed out have a rolled R.

***

Facts

The party is currently at 44,100 exp. each. Next level is at 48,000 (which will probably take 3 more big battles, 2 if Brennan is super generous with RP awards).

Abernant family had all their land and wealth reclaimed by The Court of Stars for their treachery and failure to prevent a war with Solace. Elianwyn committed treason and betrayal as well.

To save Adaine, the group decided to break up into 3 teams: Pylon 1 (Ragh, Tracker, Cathilda, and Sandra Lynn), Pylon 2 (Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz), and Recovery (Ayda, Fig, and Kristen). Team 1 and 2 would simultaneously take out the pylons. Then, the recovery team would go in (invisible and/or disguised) and gets Adaine and Aelwyn. They would all meet back at Van where they would most likely use Ayda's teleport to leave Fallinel (or regroup to plan their next move).

***

New Characters

Tell-ah-mine Low-men-el-da

Fabian's grandpapa

Tall elf with regal green robes, a silver circlet, long platinum white blond hair with a widows peak, and shimmering blue eyes

Crinkle in the corners of his eyes shows his age in sort of an Elrond way. He look of a dude in his late 40s/early 50s who took excellent care of his body and kept it tight

Moves with supernatural grace

Can turn into silver sand and float away

Has no concept of what time means

Obsessed with the fact that his grandson will die before him (Your human blood has brought mortality to this family. You will one day die.)

Offers to send word to an elf who is a fabled eye smith who lives on the high mountains at the heart of Fallinel that can craft a working eye (from songs, whispers, beams of moonlight, jeweled edges of the blue of the sea, and shimmering poems pulled from the ether itself) for Fabian, but has no clue how long it will take (a moment, a year, or a hundred years).

Can't pronounce words in common very well, especially words he's never heard before (which delights Fabian and pisses off Gorgug)

Calls Fabian Aramais Seacaster fa-bee-ahn ah-rye-ah-my-ess Seacaster (which might actually be the proper pronouncations of his name in that region as "Seacaster" was said correctly and that's how all the other elves say his name as well) and calls Hallariel ha-lair-ee-el

Weeps without moving his face, but also sometimes makes a soft eeehhhh sound when he cries (at one point he cried over a drop of water)

Gifted stewardship of Khy-low Meh-new-rah 3000 years ago after he crafted The Sword of the North Star (he was the smith of fung-dran-ghoor) for the ancient king of Fallinel Th-wrist-win Eversong.

"Without the Elven Oracle, we are lost."

Saw the Abernants as power hungry and cruel and can't understand why they would leave Fallinel. He found Anguin in particular to be a crass and small man with no nobility, only a thirst for power.

Thinks Riz has a harsh energy, is "a little dick", and calls him "a strange green mouse thing"

Got physically ill when a gun was explained to him, calling it gross and some dwarven kind of thing before vomiting which he turns into a flock of white crows

Vhan-lair-ee-el

Fabian's aunt

Tried to heal Fabian's pneumonia with elvan singing

Said "I have failed" when her singing doesn't work before she fades into starlight and vanishes

Hal-door-in and [unnamed youth]

Elven teens in white linen shorts arguing because [unnamed] believes Hal-door-in took his lute.

Calmed by a distant song which stopped their fight.

Faf-threth-riel

Lithe elven youth (around 17 or 18 years old) with a blond mop of hair covering one eye

Bakes elven whey bread

Lived a sheltered life

Ragh was the first half-orc he met

Mostly into Ragh due to Ragh being half orc, excessively talking about his green skin (like the boughs of a tree leafy, my leafy man), being big and beefy (your legs are like the mighty trunks of trees), was really into rage (like when Ragh punched a seat cushion) to the point of it making Ragh uncomfortable

Sang in bed

Treth-thren-ren

Elven youth who does morning dance yoga

Tried to get Fabian to eat a grape

Oak Warriors

Elemental plant based automaton soldiers made of pure magic

Look like 8 foot tall green men with leaves coming from their faces

***

Changes to Established Characters

Aelwyn

Matted long blond hair

Dry skin, chapped colorless lips, and thick bags under her eyes

Severely dehydrated and trance deprived (probably hasn't been allowed to trance for nearly a year)

5 points of exhaustion. Only magic is keeping her from going to the 6th level and dying.

Her "room" is a large large beautiful elven chamber with silver and marble. Ambiant light glows from the white stone.

Trapped inside a 15 foot diameter orb that's constantly turning so she can't trance

Crawling on hands and knees while trapped, shaking with the effort

Doesn't give Adaine up to Kear

Can still remember how to cast the message cantrip

Feels strange and addled (unable to think clearly; confused), can't remember what's real or imagined anymore, doesn't clearly remember what happened in her past (including what she did to get imprisoned), and forgets what she and Adaine have already talked about (causing a lot of reputation).

Thinks her parents "tried their best they could" and that "they expected quite a lot of us, but isn't that what- doesn't that... didn't that make us great?" (possibly due to something her father said or did since her imprisonment as it echoes a few things he's said)

Gilear

Looks scruffy (from not shaving), dirty, and has pit stains

Somehow didn't mess up being diplomatic with Fabian's grandpapa

Unbuttons the top button on his shirt when he "lets loose"

To Fig about Sandra Lynn and Garthy: Are you aware of such... hanky panky?

Learning of Sandra Lynn's infidelity with Garthy "Honestly? Perhaps this is... fucked up. It makes me feel... like there wasn't something uniquely wrong with me. Maybe a tiny little w for Gilear."

Spent the night walking through the forest with Hallariel's father, reciting poetry (badly)

To Fabian after Hallariel's father threw up "You're low and he's low. It's Gilear's day baby! It's Gilear's day."

Tried to ask Hallariel's father for her hand, but even though Fig gave him bardic inspiration and Riz helped by covering Fabian's mouth, he failed... so much. ("Lord Tell-ah-mine of Khy-low Meh-new-rah I like you am-" *makes himself throw up* "We get it. We both get it. We... We're the throw up boys." *passes out*)

Ayda

Hid in the van the entire visit

Might have rejection sensitive dysphoria (which is common in those with autism or ADHD)

Did a sending spell to Zelda for Gorgug for 150 gold (after reminding him that she very much does not like anyone in her debt or visa versa)

Offered to exact vengeance on Zelda for Gorgug

Is powerful enough to know teleport and learn plane shift (so level 13 or higher)

Stated that Adaine is her best friend and decides that since Fig is also Adaine's best friend, by the transitive property she is best friends with Fig as well (and Fig agreed). Learning this, she says "Fantastic. I grow richer by the day. I'm emotional." before starting to cry fire "I'm emotional. I'm gonna fly away." She then flew away, returning after she had calmed down.

Ragh

Ate grapes and started burping musical notes after he left Khy-low Meh-new-rah.

Lost his virginity to Faf-threth-riel who then got creepy and kinda racist, making Ragh very uncomfortable (and want to get out of there asap)

Fabian

Lost both points of exhaustion thanks to the 8000 thread count elven sheets (did they get to keep the sheets or at least one sheet for help with exhaustion?)

Felt really good when he tried out dance yoga, even wondering if he should be some kind of yoga dancer instead of a fighter (how about a whirling dervish dancer like Cathilda?)

The grapes he put in his pocket (after refusing to eat them) turned into song

Indifferent towards saving Aelwyn and doesn't want to be on the retrieval team

When he started feeling anxious about the Aelwyn stuff, Riz told him to lose himself in dancing again to feel free (Riz: You are the only one that I wanna see dancing right now.) It made him feel much better.

***

Other Characters

Adaine

Taken by Court of Stars

Her jacket and spellbook were taken

Trapped in an orb which is soft and doesn't hurt her, but the constant movement of its slow turning doesn't allow her to be still or trance

The walls of her room glow with runes and there are many perminant magical effects, making her captors capable of some crazy things (like prepared directional counter spells), but the setup wouldn't counter cantrips

Escaped the orb with dispel magic (dc 15) which makes a couple counter spells go off and an alarm sound

Hid in Aelwyn's room. The sister's spoke before she was recaptured and placed back in her orb. Adaine told Aelwyn that she was going to get her out

Discovered that her room was close enough to Aelwyn to talk to her via the message cantrip

Repeatedly cast Ray of Frost to turn her orb into a slip and slide to stay entertained

Instead of speaking to her father in elvish, she responded in common. Also cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on him.

Anguin and Kear said she would be executed for treason for staying in Solace and refusing to cooperate. She demanded a lawyer and then the Ambassador to Solace, citing her age and being a student at Augefort Adventuring Academy which summoned a recorded hologram of Arthur Augefort.

Arthur Augefort

Has a recorded hologram that is activated when a student claims the need of his diplomatic help in foreign affairs.

It threatens the listeners with graphic and terrifying violence and doom, giving them the options of either rectify the actions that summoned him (Yes) or refuse and welcome the aforementioned punishment for their actions (No).

Gorgug

Fabian's grandfather called him Jhor-judge

Finally got a message to Zelda via Ayda using her sending spell (Zelda. Safe in Fallinel. Gonna finish cell tower soon. Sorry about everything, but hope your break is going well in spite of this. Miss you.) and got a reply the next morning a little while after waking up (Sorry. Was at a party. You don't have to build a cell tower. That's crazy. It's all whatever Gorgug. I don't blame you.)

Didn't sleep well, but still got the benefit of a full night's sleep due to elven sheets.

Kristen

Got in a fight with Tracker and then got 3 nat 1s on persuasion checks when she tried to make up with her.

Slept in Adaine's room

Doesn't know how to make a cell tower

Took one of the 40 to 50 foot long diaphanous silk scarves with her

Gave (inspiring?) speech ending with "Friendship is thinker than water and we need water to live." which gave everyone 11 temp hit points

Accidentally called Pok a "smiling elf" and then blew it off as being due to her being human

Can now see Shadow Cat in the picture (along with Tracker, Sandra Lynn, Garthy, Riz, and Sklonda and possibly the dead cambian, Pok, Jace, and Adaine's mom) and reacted by saying "Was I spooning the cat all night in the milk!?"

Sandra Lynn

Dropped out senior year and got her diploma after the fact to join an adventuring party

Joined as a replacement member for an existing adventuring party that was already active in the world and included an older much more powerful married couple.

Fresh out of high school, fell in love with one person from the couple (nonbinary or gender intentionally hidden) who "did not treat her very kindly"

When it all came out, she was ejected from the adventuring party, her romantic partner took great pains to smear her name (so no one would accept her), no other party would take her as a replacement, and she was forced to become a Celesian Ranger

Gilear knows who the couple were, but doesn't want to tell Fig (could she know the people involved?)

Key-heir/Khear

Child-like elven maiden with long brown braided hair, a white gown, and a large staff.

When confronted by Arthur Augefort's hologram, she chose to not heed his warnings.

***

More from 2.9!

***

Previous

[brothersgrim]

Hi there! I'm very new to your page, but I saw your post about Corporate Kane and just I feel so bad for him. It was right after Taker's loss at Wrestlemania; leaving Kane alone and vulnerable which the Authority swooped in and manipulated the poor guy just like Paul bearer did. Btw I love your page I'm such a Kane fan and your posts make me so happy :)

Hey! Sorry for the late reply - just wanted to make sure I was awake and not on mobile so I could respond to this properly. :D 

First off, thank you so much! It’s always nice to meet another fan. I’m having a good time here, so it’s really nice to know that people like what I’m putting out! Hope I can keep living up to expectations. 

Moving on to the meat of the matter: It really is upsetting how they treated him. Like you said, they pretty much waited for Big Brother to be out of the picture before acting. (Which is probably the smart thing to do. We’ve all seen how the Undertaker deals with people who he thinks are mistreating his brother, and it begins with a hospital and ends with a morgue.) And Kane, typically, doesn’t seem to like being on his own, so of course he’d be vulnerable without ‘Taker there to stand with him. 

What also makes it awful for me are two things:

How excited Kane was for this, and how much effort he put into it all. Like– The guy wore a really nice suit and tie. He wrote out a resume (maybe his first ever, since he didn’t exactly get to have summer jobs when he was locked away). He got Big Brother to write him a formal letter of recommendation (and the fact that Taker actually typed one up for him will never not be adorable to me). He brought his papers in a briefcase for crying out loud. And he had a schpiel! A whole little routine! I mean, Glenn’s a fantastic actor, I’ve never seen him have problems with line delivery or authenticity, so the fact that that bit sounded rehearsed probably means it was supposed to. He was trying so hard to be a normal person. Trying so hard to work a normal job, to take the next step in recovery and leave behind his old life. Which brings me to the next point:

If I remember right, he just got out/graduated from the therapy that they made him go to! One of the reasons he’s trying to recover/be a functioning member of society is because they forced him to go to therapy. I’m not saying making him go to therapy is bad. At face value, that’s probably the nicest thing they’ve ever done for him. But the fact that they have him go through all that, the fact that he struggles through it and has moments of relapse but does his best to get better, and then they get mad at him for completing the therapy they put him into is so upsetting. It’s hard for me to put into words, but. When he’s struggling with his PTSD, people treat him like an animal, like he’s broken, they tell him that he’s stupid and wrong and some kind of monster and they avoid him like the plague. When he goes through therapy and tries to be better they tell him to his face how he’s useless and weak and an embarrassment and a shell of his former self and just in general do whatever they want because they know he won’t lash out like he used to because he’s trying to recover from thirty years of trauma. Steph straight up tells him to ‘find the monster’ again. He can’t win. And then they, what, Pikachu face at each other when he decides, ‘forget this, I’m going back to my brother’? Is it any wonder the two of them just openly hate everyone else? Seriously. I dunno, the whole thing just really puts them sending him to therapy in a really foul light. Just seems like they never wanted him to recover, they just wanted him domesticated, so they could keep him on a leash, just like they used to. 

TL;DR I really appreciate your message and I’m really emotional about the brothers, but hey, what else is new?

[mikoriin]

not sure if you remember but i like kinda spilled on you like /months/ ago about like me suffering from like crazy depression. but as of today, i am finally getting medicated. therapy wasn't really working but hoping the meds do. so far idk if i'm siking myself out or what cause it's already day 2 and i'm feeling shit. but also am sensitive to meds. also told 25mg isn't the normal starting thing for it and even that part is questionable. (1)

im so happy you’re on the road to recovery! i would like to give a bit of advice to you, and others like you, who are beginning their healing process:

1) you may go through multiple therapists. this is completely normal, i myself have had 3 so far and i love my current therapist. communicate what you need to your therapist, and if they simply dont work for you then it is 100% okay to change. its their job to make sure you have the best recovery process possible.

2) you most likely will go through different medications. ive been on so many medications but take that with a grain of salt because thats me specifically. you may only go through 2 or 3 meds before you find your one, or maybe one that works for a while may change as your body changes and medications are being updated and made every day. im actually on a new medication in the market called Viibryd and so far its working well! however i am also having that paired with two mother medications which can always help as well! 

3) recovery takes a. Long. Time. i know it sounds discouraging to hear, but its the truth. dont expect results over night, dont expect to be healed within the first month or two of therapy/meds. ive been on and off in therapy since i was 15. (officially set in stone when i was 17) im 21 now, and im still learning, im still growing. i have a long way to go in my recovery and sometimes it feels like itll be this way forever, but i can assure you thats the illness talking. i may feel stuck, but i know im much better now than what i was when i was a teenager. i was constantly suicidal and breaking down every day, however now, even though yes i am still depressed, it doesnt seem so severe. i dont want to kill myself, i dont want to hurt myself, and i dont break down and cry every day. its a huge difference. 

do not expect to be cured. thats unrealistic and will only hurt you in the end if you think recovery means a cure. recovery is simply mending your heart and mind from the trauma it received from the illness and hardships that may have caused said illness(es). youre learning to cope and live your life without being so hindered by your illness. this isnt a complete fix, but its simply healing. 

i hope what i said makes sense, and its things i learned throughout my years of recovering. everyone will have different experiences, but i think the process, no matter what steps come when and how long it takes, is the same in general. i hope that makes sense! anyway im so glad youre getting the help you need and deserve and i encourage you to keep drawing as much as you can!

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Hello, I'm terribly sorry if this sounds disrespectful or blunt, and you don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but what exactly happens when you have a trigger? Do you start getting upset/crying, or do you get flashbacks, or something?

Kii says:

When I have panic attacks (whether brought on by a specific triggering thing or not) I mostly just mentally shut down. People who don’t know me very well have not realized what was happening and just assumed I was either really shy or was ignoring them. However, people that do know me well have described my panic attacks as me becoming mostly unresponsive to visual and auditory stimuli and incredibly reactive to tactile stimuli. (So, if someone was saying my name and waving in my face, I likely wouldn’t respond at all, but if someone touched me, I would likely recoil or push them away.) I don’t outwardly cry or hyperventilate anything, but it does feel very difficult to breathe and everything just feels very fuzzy and distant, so it’s hard to recollect thoughts on what specifically I’m thinking about, but for me, flashbacks are rarely involved. (However, I do not have PTSD and my panic attacks are a result of other mental health issues.) Depending on the severity of things, I am sometimes able to keep a fairly-coherent typed conversation even if I can’t verbally communicate. I have often noticed my hands being incredibly shaky, but people who have observed me have not noticed this at all. I also generally prefer to sit on a very stationary or stable surface- so if I’m at my desk chair (a swivel chair) I will generally move onto the floor, etc.

~~~

Lee says:

People can have different reactions to triggers, which can range from being upset and crying to having flashbacks. It depends on the person, and it depends on the particular trigger. There isn’t one universal reaction, and similarly, there isn’t one universal trigger. Different people are triggered by different things, and that’s valid and should be respected. There isn’t one mental illness that has a monopoly on triggers as someone can have triggers relating to any disorder, but it is one of the hallmarks of PTSD which is why flashbacks are a cited as common result of being triggered.

Here are a few example scenarios of triggers and potential reactions:

A person with entomophobia (a phobia of insects) sees a bug in their room. Seeing the bug is the trigger that causes their fear and anxiety, and they have to leave the room until the bug is removed so they don’t have an anxiety attack. They may continue to worry about the bugs, and cry if they’re feeling very overwhelmed by it.

A two people in recovery from alcohol addiction go to a street with a bar where they used to drink when they’re hanging out. The location is the trigger that makes them remember getting drunk. They want to relapse, but one of them decide to contact a good friend instead and see if they can watch a movie together so they don’t try to reach out to the people who they used to use with and try to get a drink. The other of them isn’t as far along in their recovery, and goes to the bar.

A person with a psychotic disorder sees a conspiracy theory joke online. The conspiracy triggers their paranoia, and they have to ask a trusted person if they think it’s really something to worry about even though they know it was posted as a joke. Even after the reassurance they may continue to feel anxious about it and try to research if it’s real or not.

A person who has lost someone important to them smells a scent that reminds them of the person who they lost. The scent is the trigger that makes them remember the loss and they feel very sad heartbroken because they miss the person. They decide to fill out a STOPP worksheet to help them calm down and decide what to do.

A person with depression sees another person’s post about wanting to self-harm. This triggers their urge to behave self-destructively, and they have to try to distract themselves from it by going on a walk and listening to music. They may continue to think about self-harm, which can spiral into them feeling even more depressed and suicidal than before.

A person who was abused as a child sees a TV show episode that depicts someone being abused. This triggers them into having flashbacks of their trauma, and they start to dissociate and and have to stop watching the show and practice their grounding skills. 

Sometimes something that seems innocent (like Disney World) could be associated with something traumatic (like an incident with the person’s father) and so hearing about Disney could make them remember the abuse. You can’t always anticipate what someone’s triggers may be, but if someone tells you that something is a trigger for them you should respect that, even if it’s something that seems unusual to you. It isn’t right to mock someone for having uncommon triggers, but it sadly happens more often than it should. If you hear someone mocking someone else for being “triggered” if you think you’d be safe stepping in that’s a good way to ally for people who have triggers.

You should look at the mental health page if you’re struggling with your mental health! I’ve collected some helpful resources there about getting help and coping with various things.

Information on triggers:

Not Sure What People Mean By ‘Triggering?’ This Article Is Your One-Stop 101

The Psychology of Triggers and How They Affect Mental Health

Triggers worksheet

What is a Trigger?

Getting over triggers

How to cope with triggers you can’t avoid

Triggers and coping skills

Trigger jokes

The triggered meme

Joking about triggers

One thing that you may think of when you hear about triggers is trigger warnings. Trigger warnings can be used in different contexts- you could include them as part of a class curriculum, before showing a movie in a school club, or here on Tumblr. We at TTSG tag potential triggers in the tags of our replies to asks so people can block the post if it mentions one of their triggers. People with triggers can use extensions like the new x-kit and Tumblr savior on the computer and the washboard website on mobile to block keywords of their trigger. 

If someone sent us an ask that mentioned a potential trigger (rape, assault, self harm, suicide, etc) their blocking software would see our tag of it and block the post. That way, the person has the choice to see the content and it isn’t a surprise. When you are prepared to see something triggering, it can sometimes help reduce your reaction to the thing vs when it happens unexpectedly. If you have a blog, tagging for things that you suspect could be triggering to a follower can help make things more acessible for someone who needs triggers tagged. 

Trigger warnings:

Here’s What Trigger Warnings Are – And What They’re Not

Why Trigger Warnings Matter – Your Objections Answered

Rephrasing the term trigger warnings to what it really means

What the Myth of ‘Oversensitive Students’ Gets Wrong About Trigger Warnings

How the Trigger Warning Debate Exposes Our F*cked Up Views on Mental Illness

What, Why, When, Where, and How?: 5 Common Questions About Trigger Warnings Answered

When You Oppose Trigger Warnings, You’re Really Saying These 8 Things

~~~

Ryn says:

For me, it depends on the trigger as well as the state of mind I was in when the trigger occurs. If i’m not in a good place mentally, then the trigger gets me much worse than if I was in an okay mental situation. Some of my triggers lead to panic attacks, which for me mostly consist of very high anxiety levels and then a lot of physical symptoms (elevated heart rate, dilated pupils, heavy breathing, nausea, dizziness, etc). Some of my triggers cause me to disassociate. It ends up feeling a bit like an out-of-body experience, but wholly unpleasant. In a reverse, some of the triggers can cause me to feel trapped inside my own body- aware of everything but unable to move, speak, or otherwise affect the outside world. Most of my triggers cause me to feel weak, exhausted. Other triggers can add onto these feelings of hopelessness, sadness, loneliness, or irritability. It’s really quite variable. I usually end up shivering or crying curled in a ball somewhere because that’s how I feel safest. I’m a very physically sensitive person and I have synesthesia, and so when I have panic attacks or get triggered, my senses ramp up and things can get very overwhelming. I prefer to sit in a dark, quiet place, or listen to some quiet music that will help block out loud or bright sounds and show me some soft colors. 

[mental-health-advice]

i don't think this is very urgent, so go answer some more important asks than this before you answer this one, but i think i might have maladaptive daydreaming? if i do, it isn't severe, and hasn't interfered with my actual life, but i'm just wondering if this is a bad thing? again, it hasn't caused any negative behavior, but i'm just kinda paranoid about it. oh, and please tag as aurora maladaptive so i can see :)

Hi lovely,

Thank you so much for getting in touch with us here at MHA, and I’m sorry it has taken us a while to get to your ask. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a little information and reassurance!

Maladaptive daydreaming has not been recognised as a condition and there are no diagnostic criteria or treatments available. Saying that, I am going to list some of things that may suggest you are dealing with MD:

Extremely excessive and detailed daydreams

A sense of desire to continue daydreaming (almost like an addiction)

Daydreams triggered by everyday real-life things/events

Difficulty sleeping

Acting out actions whilst daydreaming; for example talking, gesturing, even crying.

MD is not always a negative thing, for some people it is a really effective way to cope with emotions or trauma they may be experiencing. However, it can become out of control and begin affecting people’s lives and lead to issues like not taking care of yourself in real-life. I am going to link you to our page about it here which contains somefurther information you may find useful.

Even though you say it is not interfering with your life, if you do think you may be experiencing maladaptivedaydreaming, I recommend going and speaking to a mental health professionalabout it; your doctor may be a good place to start. Although it is notrecognised as a condition, it is something that professionals are aware of andmay be able to suggest some form of treatment. Talking therapies have beenshown to improve symptoms of MD – a therapist can help you to understand whyyou are experiencing the dreams and what they mean, and hopefully will be ableto give you some good coping mechanisms. Here is a link to our page about getting help, just in case it is something that you want to look into. 

As well as some professional guidance, there are online communities about maladaptive daydreaming where you can talk to people going through the same struggles as you. Here is one as an example. I’m sure people will be happy to share advice with you about recovery and how they dealt with the highs and lows of recovery!

I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. Please get back in touch with us if there is anything else we can do for you! Take care,

Rhiann xo

[mental-health-advice]

Recently my mom was playing and she pretended to be really angry and kept suddenly shouting at me and it scared me so much to the point of crying. This happens a lot to me and I can't handle anyone yelling or being angry. I think it may have something to do with me being abused by my sister. This and a bunch of other stuff have me on the fence and I think I may have ptsd, but I'm not sure. I can't see someone but I don't know what to do.

Hey there! I hope your day is going well! Being yelled at is really hardand I understand why it would make you upset. Abuse would definitely not helpthis situation. PTSD could be the cause but I am not 100% sure. Let’s go oversome stuff including what ptsd is and some coping skills.

PTSD,or Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, is a psychiatric disorder that can occurfollowing the experience or witnessing of a life-threatening events such asmilitary combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, orphysical or sexual assault in adult or childhood. Most survivors of traumareturn to normal given a little time. However, some people will have stressreactions that do not go away on their own, or may even get worse over time.These individuals may develop PTSD. People who suffer from PTSD often relivethe experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, andfeel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and lastlong enough to significantly impair the person’s daily life.

Somesymptoms of ptsd include flashbacks, avoiding going to places that remind themof the situation, numbing, social anxiety, and other things. here are a numberof ways in which people may relive a trauma. They may have upsetting memoriesof the traumatic event. These memories can come back when they are notexpecting them. At other times the memories may be triggered by a traumaticreminder such as when a combat veteran hears a car backfire, a motor vehicleaccident victim drives by a car accident or a rape victim sees a news report ofa recent sexual assault.  Individualswith PTSD may try to avoid situations that trigger memories of the traumaticevent.  Individuals withPTSD may find it difficult to be in touch with their feelings or expressemotions toward other people.

Somethingthat may help with your problems is to distract yourself. Pleasant recreational or work activities helpdistract a person from his or her memories and reactions. For example, art hasbeen a way for many trauma survivors to express their feelings in a positive,creative way. Pleasant activities can improve your mood, limit the harm causedby PTSD, and help you rebuild your life.

Talkingwith others can help aid in your recovery. When survivors talk about theirproblems with others, something helpful often results. It is important not toisolate yourself. Instead make efforts to be with others. Of course, you mustchoose your support people with care. You must also ask them clearly for whatyou need. With support from others, you may feel less alone and moreunderstood. You may also get concrete help with a problem you have.

It may be smart to start talking witha counselor or therapist. Part of taking care of yourself means using thehelping resources around you. If efforts at coping don’t seem to work, you maybecome fearful or depressed. If your PTSD symptoms don’t begin to go away orget worse over time, it is important to reach out and call a counselor who canhelp turn things around. Your family doctor can also refer you to a specialistwho can treat PTSD. Talkto your doctor about your trauma and your PTSD symptoms. That way, heor she can take care of your health better.

Many with PTSD have found treatmentwith medicines to be helpful for some symptoms. By taking medicines, somesurvivors of trauma are able to improve their sleep, anxiety, irritability, andanger. It can also reduce urges to drink or use drugs.

I know that you can get throughthis! Remember that we have a live chat service that is available to everyone.You can send in a request or see if an admin has posted that they are online. Ifyou feel like you are in immediate danger please go to the hospital. I want youto be safe.

I wish you luck!

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-Rachel

“The sun will rise and we will tryagain.”