#but. the pain. does NOT lessen. no matter what i do

[queercatboyrights]

does it still count as chronic pain if it's from health issues or broken bones that just. hurt. for months on end. or is that just normal pain

[snail-migraine]

Yandere Tartaglia

This man is like a dog when it comes to his darling.

Sweet and caring to you but to everyone else he is a dangerous maniac who will attack anyone who dares to take a step too close.

I imagine that he probably found his darling when they were just wondering the streets.

No food, no water, no mora to their name. Nothing.

Not even a home or a family to go back to. Absolutely nothing.

Looking at your malnourished body, he felt both pity and anger.

How could someone, anyone for that matter, just walk by and let you slowly decay like this?

Certainly not him.

He decided in that moment he was going to take care of you.

"Shh, it's okay. Don't be scared. You're going be okay, everything is going to get better I promise."

He basically just picked you up, put up on his shoulder, and said "This is mine now."

In the beginning he tries his best to keep his distance, especially since he doesn't fully know what you went through on the streets.

And also you don't know that he's just trying to make sure you're okay.

It pains him to see you flinch away from all of his touches, when you refuse to eat for fear of being poisoned.

He doesn't know who made you so paranoid but all he knows is that he'll try to make your life as comfortable as possible.

And if that means he has to keep at an arms length, then so be it.

But everytime he sees you cuddle up close with the mountain of pillows and blankets on your bed, he can't help the burning jealousy he feels.

Why can't you cuddle him like that?

Once you start showing signs of getting better, your temper tantrums lessen in numbers, and you no longer flinch quite as hard when he pats your head. That's when he decides that now is the time to let loose.

"Sweetheart! Where's my sweetie? Where are you baby? Come here and give me some smooches."

The man is so smitten for you.

You have one of the most powerful men in teyvat wrapped around your delicate little pinky and you didn't even realize it.

He showers you with all of his love, from gift-giving, to quality time, to snuggling up together at all hours of the day.

You and him are practically attached at the hip.

However once you start getting better he has to go back to being a Harbinger.

Most of his job just includes him moving around a lot and not being able to come back home to Snezhnaya all too often.

Which means he either has to take you with him or leave you back at home.

As much as it pains him to do so he chooses to let you stay back home in Snezhnaya.

You've only just got use to being home in Snezhnaya, it would be cruel to make you start hopping place to place just to be with him.

It tears his soul apart that he has to leave you, but as a member of the Fatui, he does what he has to do.

He decides it's best not to introduce you to his family just yet, and instead allow you to be guarded by Fatui members when he's not around.

What he doesn't know however is that you plan on escaping when both he and the guards are not looking.

You're not much of a hassle to begin with so the guards have a tendency to slack off whenever they feel like it.

Which usually means taking short naps during their long working hours.

All you had to do was figure out when they usually fall asleep and prepare.

When the hour comes your more than ready, every fiber in your body is practically jumping with joy at being away from Tartaglia.

You wade through the thick snow of your Homeland, with a giant fur coat engulfing your body as you figure out which way to go.

In your excitement you don't think to cover your tracks. Which is how, when Tartaglia came home to an empty house with nothing but sleeping a guard to comfort him, he knew exactly where you went.

"Stop fighting it.", Ajax's tone drips with his barely contained rage. If his iron-grip on you wasn't a sign of his anger, then his voice for sure was.

Words couldn't describe how enraged you made him. He'd thought you been getting better, that you'd grown past wanting to run away. Turns out the moment he let his guard down is the moment you decided to sprint.

How dare you?

How dare you play with the strings of his heart like this. He trusted you with his heart and you just rip it all to shreds like it never even mattered.

His footsteps crunch in the crisp snow. His face no longer looks like that sweet, smitten, puppy dog that you knew. No this Ajax is cold, dangerous. The Ajax you knew was gone the moment he figured out you decided to run away from the sweet domestic home life you were so graciously blessed with. The Ajax you knew was replaced with Tartaglia the cold eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui.

The one who served the Tsaritsa with nothing but blind loyalty and bloodied blades.

You should've known that this plan would've failed. You should've known that Ajax would've done anything to get you back into his arms. Oh but how hope can blind the weak.

Hope prays on our dreams and tells us that no matter what we will prevail. No matter how many times we stumble and fall. Hope will guide the way. What a load of shit.

Hope is what got into this mess, carried like a princess, your arms held together tight behind you, your 'Lover' stalks his way back to the mansion hidden deep within the dense Snezhnayan forest. The very same mansion that has held you prisoner.

Hope has done nothing but lead you blindly into situations that progressively get worse and worse. You know that so far Ajax has been gentle with for fear that you'd get scared and try to run away. Now that you have, you tremble at what he might do to you now.

With every passing moment your mind fills with worse and worse images of torture you'd havr to endure at Ajax's hands. All because you allowed yourself to believe in some shitty hopefulness. With every new image, your lungs tighten even more. Your heart pounds in your chest, and your legs twitch. Every bone in your body screams at you to run.

But again, that's what got you here in the first place. Didn't it?

Ajax darts his eyes down at you, taking in your shakey form. Your uneven breathe and beating heart all tell-tale signs of how scared you are. How scared you are of him. Your terror must've taken over all of logical thinking.

No matter how angry you make him he'd never lay a so much as a finger on you.

Never.

He sighs before kissing your forehead, the kiss is soft and loving. Reminding you of the Ajax you knew. His face falls from the once tight expression to one more somber and melancholy.

Stress and disappointment etched onto his features. He loves you so much, and he hates that he'll have to punish you. But he can't just let you get away with this.

He brings you up higher, digging his face deep into the crook of your neck. Taking in a whiff of the sweet citrus perfume he gave you. You don't move, your body turned frigid the moment he kissed your head. You don't understand what's going on.

He lifts his head up, looking you in the eye. His eyes mimic a raging sea, waves of blue and teal swirl together to make a his powerful gaze. The look in his eyes is enough to bring tears to your eyes.

You've never seen him look at you like that. With such sorrow and sizzling frustration.

He brings a hand up to your face, wiping away all the tears falling from your watery eyes as he coos in your ears.

"Oh baby, don't cry, there's no need to be scared. I'd never hurt you. I only want what's best for you. But I can't just let stunts like this go unpunished. I promise you, it'll be over before you know it. Okay baby?"

[kaeyas-beloved]

It’s The Way He… || #2

Characters: Alhaitham, Cyno, Dainsleif, Heizou, Itto, Kaveh, Xiao, Wanderer

Summary: Just cute/heartwarming/breath-taking things he does <3

Genre: Fluff + Snippets

CWs: gn!reader (you/your), injuries (Cyno), petnames (my love; Kaveh),

a/n: did a pt. 2 because the last one got lots of love and I though they were really cute so I wanted to do some others <3

|| Pt. 1 ||

Alhaitham

It’s the way Alhaitham props his chin on you - your head, shoulder, just whatever is easiest at that moment - as you read. His eyes, a beautiful mix of green and orange, will skim the page you're on. It's no quantum physics or retelling of historic events, but if you like it then he'll give it a chance. Just, don't be too upset when he asks you to read faster, he wants to know what happens next is all.

"Are you almost done? I've finished the page. What? What's that look for?"

Cyno

It’s the way Cyno is so serious as he dresses your wounds, a stark contrast to the genlteness of his touch. It doesn’t matter if it’s a paper cut, a rash, burn or a gash from battle, it’ll receive the same level of attention and care from the general. If he had it his way he’d get Tighnari to fix you right up, because at least Cyno knows you’re in good hands, but that can’t always happen, so he’s your next best. In a way that’s alright, at least this way he can personally see to it that you’re looked after.

“This will sting a little, sorry, but it has to be cleaned. I’ll try to lessen the pain as much as I can and finish quickly. If you’d like, I can tell you some jokes to take your mind off of it?”

Dainsleif

It’s the way Dainsleif never forgets the little details about yourself. You could mention it once and he’s already committed it to memory, he's committed you to his memory. For 500 years he's walked alone, maybe not always physically, but it still felt like there hasn't been anyone with him. You are the first connection he's had in so long, and even if he's doomed to live long past you, the image of everything that creates you, he’ll will himself to remember for as long as he can, because just the thought of you makes him feel like he's alive once more.

“You told me once that the stars brought you peace. I thought it’d be nice to look out at them tonight, for they too do the same for me. However, if I was to be truthful, you, without a shadow of a doubt, bring me the most peace.”

Heizou

It’s the way Heizou leaves a riddle on the kitchen counter for you every so often before he leaves for work or errands. There’ll be clues scattered around the house for you to find as well, each one becoming more cryptic than the last. Of course, he knows you well enough to not make them so tough you can’t figure it out. He wants you to receive your prize after all~

“Did you figure out today’s riddle?” … “Heh, that’s correct, I knew you’d get it! Now, come and claim your reward. I think you’ll really enjoy it this time~”

Itto

It’s the way Itto runs up to you the instant he sees you in the streets of Inazuma, arms ready to grab hold and lift you as high as he can or as high as you allow. He'll even do a little spin with you he's that happy to see you. It doesn't matter if you’re alone or with someone, he is a loud and proud oni who shows off the person that owns his heart!!

"There you are my partner-in-crime, my beetle battle buddy, my number one! Say, if you're not busy how about you tag along with me? I just found this awesome raman place that's pretty cool if I do say so myself. How about we check it out?"

Kaveh

It’s the way Kaveh readily helps you with your outfit and any bells and whistles that go with it. As a renowned architect there are times where he’s invited to formal events, and you are his first go to for a plus one. And where there’s formal events there’s formal attire, and the hassle of making sure everything is perfect. Be it a tie or some piece of jewelry, Kaveh and his keen eye for detail are there to help attain that perfection.

“Ah, here, let me help. Sometimes, it takes another pair of eyes to catch if something’s off. Of course, you look stunning regardless my love. There, shall we head off?”

Wanderer

It’s the way Wanderer stumbles to match your pace. For as long as he's lived he's moved at his own pace, never once slowing or playing catch-up for others. For you though, he'll stop to admire the things he's overlooked due to his immortality, he'll race to make sure you don't run too far from him that he can't raech you. No longer does he run away from those he loves, now he runs alongside them.

"What? You stopped for a flower? It's pretty? Please, I can think of many more things that are prettier than some flower, but I suppose we have some time. Who am I to stop you from doing what your little heart desires."

Xiao

It’s the way Xiao carries with him the little gifts you give. May it be a flower, a picture, a letter or another object of some kind, the yaksha will have it tucked into the safest pocket he has. To you it may have just been something you picked up or made while thinking of him, but for Xiao, it’s his good fortune charm. Something that has a tangible weight to it, his constant reminder that someone is waiting for him back home. However, he can never bring himself to tell you this, covering up the why he brings it everywhere with some barely strung together excuses or redirections.

“Of course I’d take it with me, why would I not? Huh? You think I’d have no real use for it? Tsk, you still don’t know the ways of the adepti, do you?”

Tag list: @spoopy-fish-writes // @that-enby-alien // @xenuuu // @mariposa666haruka // @quackquackmfs // @kaerui-kaisen // @ajaxstar // @genshin-impact-writings // @stage-lucida // @ventisweetheart // @lordbugs // @leena-shi // @lemontum // @akiria12167 // @ari-the-wr1ter // @dontmindmebeing // @xiaos-wife // @irethepotato

. . .

Wanna be tagged in future works? Consider filling out this form! And if you want to be removed just DM or send an ask into my inbox!

[heartfullofleeches]

Fletchers reaction to foxboy willingly kissing him for the first time

Yan Farmer Rabbit + Fox Hybrid Reader

[Reader has no mentioned gender but they are referred to as wife]

-

"Damn it!"

The knife clatters to the kitchen floor with a dull thud. Chest heaving with each pain breath, you fall to your knees - shirt clutched painfully tight in your claws as wetness drips down your cheeks.

Three weeks... Three weeks you've lived with the farmer and he hasn't asked you to lift a finger. This is it.... isn't it? It's finally happening. You were a such an idiot to think it wouldn't. He's testing you... A trial to see how useful you'll be to him in the long run.

"Hey, Sweetness. Something came up down at the general store. Shouldn't be gone long, but- think you can cut up the potatoes for dinner while I'm out? It's not hard. I'll show you how to do it."

He made it look so easy. Each slice against the cutting board so neat, precise - perfect. Just like him. What does he want from you? Does he actually think you'll make for a good partner? You can't even cut up vegetables to save your own tail- Just what the hell does he want from you?!

"Hun? That you?"

Shit. "Fuck, fuck, fuck-"

You wipe at your eyes with the backs of your palms, scrambling to pick yourself off the floor before he sees you. He can't see you like this- The thunder of his footsteps fills you with a kind of terror you haven't felt since you got locked in that kitchen coop.

"Y/n?"

Your back hits the cupboard wall. Fletcher's large, imposing figure hovers at the door frame. Two steps into the kitchen is all it takes for him to march up to the table. To see your mistakes. Too thick. Too thin. Sliced indiead of cubed like he asked. The farmer takes a breath. He kneels down in front of you, hand perched on the tile a hairline away from your shivering legs.

"Hon-"

"Don't-" You bite. "Just don't..... I missed up. I always do. Why do you even want me here? I can't do anything right... I'm a terrible wife."

"Hey!-" Fletcher grips your shoulder, tugging you against his chest. "Don't you ever, ever talk about yourself like that. You're fine. It's okay. All you need is a little practice. Just calm down."

Liar- He's a fucking liar. "What if I don't get better with practice?! What if all I ever am to you is dead weight?"

Fletcher kisses the top of your head, voice small - crushed by the sounds of your sobs against his chest. "That's fine with me too, Sweetheart.... That's fine with me too. I didn't bring you here because I wanted a maid. I just wanted you. That's all I have ever wanted since I laid eyes on you. I love you- Always have, always will."

His hold on you lessens as your whines and sniffles crawl to a still. Your puffy eyes cross his as you lift your head from his chest. He tries to smile - delicately raising his enormous paw to the fuzzy flesh of your cheek. He rests his nose against yours - just like he always did when he was trying to comfort you or feel a connection, lips inches from yours.

"Whether you can dice up a thousand potatoes or not at all. Even if you make a mess of everything you touch. I'll always be here for you no matter what. I'll always love you - no matter what."

Your arms creep up to his neck, the space between you null as your lips ghost over his. Fletcher stiffens, unsure - fearful of scaring you off now if he takes the dive for you. And so you take it-

The kiss is hesitant. Gentle as the hand stroking at your back, washing away any doubts left of his conviction towards you. Tear drops fall at your skin, but you have none more to cry. Is he?... You pull away as the droplets drip from Fletcher's chin into his already stained tee.

"My bad." The farmer barks out a dry chuckle, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stop the flow. "Now's not the time to get emotional, but I just- I'm so glad to have you here. With me."

"I know... I'm glad to be here too now, but um... Fetch?"

"Yeah?"

Your ears lay flat against your skull as your stomach whines in hunger. "Can we... finish up with dinner now?"

The laugh Fletcher bellows is far less restrained. "Sure. What kind of man would I be if I let my wife starve? I'll tell you some more tricks will we're at it. You'll be a head chef in no time, sweetheart.... And even if you aren't - I'll cherish you all the same."

[thomas-jefferson-miku-binder]

I hate Mel Medarda discourse because she’s an insanely well-written character with a lot of depth, but people almost always have only two things to say about her: 1) evil girlboss or 2) never did anything wrong. both make me want to krill myself 🦐

In front of you, there’s a female character born of war who rejects the physical brutality of her family’s name and the regime she was born under. except said violence never really goes away because if it ever does leave, nothing else would remain

This character can and will reproduce the hatred she has always known, just in more palpable ways, ways where she’s allowed to look away — or even better, ways where she’s so distanced from the action itself that where she “looks” doesn’t even matter

It’s also so interesting to think that maybe Mel doesn’t dislike physical violence because it’s “bad” but simply because she does not excel at it The thought that if Mel was maybe stronger or a more skilled fighter, she would be just like her mother tickles my brain. yaaaas Although, to me, that's a more "what-if" scenario than the actual characterization Arcane deceipts

By the way, I do not think Mel is a monster. She clearly does try to be what she considers a "good" person, but the violence she’s always known sometimes escapes (just like in the Viktor scene above — she does not like to be disagreed with).

Sooo insane that she’s a diplomat/politician because yes. what other job in the world would allow her to exercise that repressed violence while also giving her the sense of duty—of goodness.

Mel is stuck at the scene of the execution form her childhood. All she does is repeat the same scenario in her head with different outcomes: sometimes one where she saves the prisoner, another where she doesn’t hesitate (that being the keyword here) to kill her

This reverberation of the violence she suffered is just her manner of coping with that traumatic scene. a way of lessening the pain without actually confronting its cause.

I feel like I need to clarify that no, I do not think Mel is “evil”. I don’t even think she is intentionally manipulative (most of the time), I think she handles people the only way she knows how to, which is probably one of the only reasons she survived Noxus at all (as, to how I see it, there's only a certain extent your House will guarantee your protection in Noxus).

I know the fandom talks a lot about Viktor and Jayce being idealistic, but I rarely see people mention how Mel is just as romantic. Jesus- that’s literally a huge source of conflict with her mother: Ambessa thinks Mel is naive, which to her means weakness, which to her is unacceptable.

I hate that Mel Medarda is forced to be subjected to fandom spaces, because, no, she is not a small bean. no, she’s not an evil girlboss.

Do I believe she is a good person? I think she tries to be (even if her notion of goodness is so heavily aligned with honor, too), and that tells me a lot more about her character than how successful she is at it

[yet-another-heathen]

I saw ur really informative post on conditioning and said with whumpers uts about using pain again and again

Any advice about caretakers deconditioning?

[ Referring to this post. ]

The first and most important thing is that the caretaker cannot decondition the whumpee. It's not possible. That progress is entirely internal, and requires a massive amount of introspection, self-motivation, and practice from the whumpee themself. No one else can do it for them.

But what the caretaker can do is be there for them while the whumpee fights toward their own recovery. They can be the stability that whumpee needs in order to work through these massive problems on their own.

Deconditioning is awful. It involves repeated failure, over and over and over, working toward lessening the response. And it is incredibly frustrating, painful, heartbreaking, and at times it feels completely hopeless.

Progress is so non-linear that they can spend months improving and then backslide nearly back to the beginning if they get caught off guard. At times it'll feel like they're stuck at the same point and can't get any further. Like a future where they will be free of it may simply not exist.

At many points, your whumpee is going to feel heartbroken. They're going to spiral into, "Why can't I do this? Why can't I make it stop?" and, "I thought I was past this." and, "Will I ever be able to undo what whumper made me?"

A good caretaker can be there to comfort them when things go wrong. They can hold them while they cry. They can listen to them when they go into a sobbing, breathless rant about how much this hurts. They can make sure that whumpee knows they have someone who doesn't think of them as broken or lesser because of what they've gone through.

Depending on if whumpee feels it would help, they might help them brainstorm a reward system. If there's a situation where they're around other people and the caretaker spots the trigger coming, they can try to redirect conversation away from it before it hits. Preferably without anyone realizing they're doing it for whumpee's sake. When whumpee has just been triggered and wants nothing more than to be alone, the caretaker can make sure their boundaries are respected. To make sure they have somewhere safe to go.

Even more importantly, they can also help by highlighting the moments of whumpee's progress. Pointing out their successes, no matter how small. Pointing out how far they've come. Reminding them that the ups and downs are supposed to happen. That trauma recovery is a rollercoaster, not a straight line.

As a whumpee in that state, it's very easy to feel like they're making no progress. That even when they succeed, the tiny bits of success are hollow, because 'they shouldn't be like this in the first place'. Have your caretaker help them see their own victories. Help them actually see the healing as it grows.

A realistically conditioned whumpee does not need someone to fix them. They need someone to be there for them while they save themselves.

---

This was such a good ask, thank you for sending it my way!

[azsazz]

Sanctum

Azriel x Cassian x Rhysand x Reader

Summary: Anon Req: Okay so for the a/b/o. What if a bad guy (Illyrian camp lord, Beron, Hybern, etc) takes the reader/omega of one of the bat boys while the reader is in heat to bring the bat boys to them or something and they have to get them back but also fuck their brains out 😂

Warnings: SMUT, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, anal, fingering, breeding kink.

Word Count: 4,376

Notes: I think my mind just went "why have one when you can have three" cuz lately i've been down bad for all of them

_________________________________________

“Az,” you whimper, writhing in his hold. You’re sweating and shaking in his arms, and the cooler autumn breeze tells him that winter is coming. Your nails dig sharply into the muscles of his back because you’re so uncomfortable, even though he’s holding you so closely. “It hurts too much.”

His heart pounds in his chest as he angles his wings to keep you in the current. He hates that you’re feeling so poorly right now, but they have to get you away from Autumn, and fast. Azriel winces, tightening his grip around you as you squirm. Your nose buried into his neck does nothing to ease your heat, the close proximity only makes your cunt throb and you wish he were holding you differently so you can rut up against him.

“I know, my mate,” he murmurs, but it's strained. His own body wants to react to you, your mating bond calling to his, and he’s never held his body so taut while flying before. His pupils keep dilating as your scent swarms around you both, your slick intoxicating. He knows how needy you are, how painful this must be for you, but he’s incredibly thankful that he and his brothers had found you in time before Eris or one of the other alphas in Beron’s court came to your aid. 

His jaw tightens as he thinks about what could’ve happened to you, his precious little omega stolen away from her home to use against them.

He’ll kill them all.

The brassy tone of Azriel’s voice soaks through your skin to settle in your bones. It only makes you cry harder, utterly helpless and knowing that there’s nothing that you can do to make the unbearable heat dim. Even though you’re desperate to be home, where you can be safe and really sink into your omegaspace while your big, bad alphas protect you, your body is craving a knot, now.

Azriel casts a hopeless look to his brothers, flanking the both of you as he carries you. The smell of your heat and the desperate gnashing of your bond is affecting them too. Cassian’s face is red, thick brows pulled tight in a furrow as he watches Azriel struggle to keep you still. Rhys frowns deeply, hardly able to take his eyes off of you to scout the areas ahead.

“We won’t make it.” Rhys swoops as close as he can while avoiding Azriel’s shifting wings. His voice carries over the wind. You’re still hours from the house and he and Azriel are both too drained to winnow, but Cauldron be damned they’ll get you to safety, no matter how much their wings ache. “We need to stop.”

Azriel cuts him a look, jaw set. “There’s nowhere to stop.”

“She’s clearly in pain, Az,” Cassin nearly growls at the sound of another mewl of agony. He tries to flush soothing feelings down the bond to you but it does nothing to lessen the spasms of your heat. 

“I know,” he bites back, “Fuck—I know.” 

But he’s not wrong. Night has settled, and while you’re still hours away from the House of Wind, there’s no lodging in the mountains nearby. The Hewn City hadn’t ever been an option. 

“Az,” you cry out. Their bickering isn’t helping. If anything, it’s making everything ache even more, the throbbing between your legs incessant no matter how tightly you clench your thighs together. 

Knock her out, Cassian sends to Rhys through their mind connection, and the High Lord opens the path for Azriel to communicate through as well. It’s better this way, for your safety.

Azriel’s grip around you tightens, his lips finding your forehead, a comforting motion for the shadowsinger. You’re burning hot, sweat beading your hairline, even though you’re vibrating in his arms. Your tight grip has slackened already as the pain of your heat consumes you, and the rattling of your breathing worries him more than he’d ever admit.

We can’t do that, he sends back, but the look Rhysand wears is the same one he does when he has to make a tough call involving his court. It’s the last thing he wants to do, and his own power drain is palpable, but to get you to safety, he’ll tap himself out. They all will.

We can’t leave her like this, Cassian bites back in his alpha voice. It makes the hair on his brother’s necks rise. He’s more frustrated than them, being the first one to bond with you will do that to a male. And with his own rut nearing, he’s been on edge as of late.

Azriel ignores the both of them, taking a deep breath before he flaps his wings harder, picking up more speed. He’s losing steam quickly, days without sleep while searching for you and fighting off anyone who dared get in their way was not easy. They could feel your fear and distress through the bond, the way that you hardly touched the food they’d given you and kept yourself awake, fighting your captors even as your heat began to sink in. 

“I need you to touch yourself for me, love.” He sounds so gentle, like you’re some fragile thing in his arms that’ll break at the next bank of wind. “Can you do that for me?”

You shake your head no, afraid to even speak, knowing that your voice will break. 

“Please, love,” he begs, “It’ll help.”

“It’ll hurt worse,” you croak, blinking tears from your eyes as your desperation rises, “I need it, Az. I need your knot.”

He groans, smothering his face in your scent glands to get a whiff of your drug-like aroma. He teeths over the bond mark on your neck, a brand of his own, set between by both of his brothers' indentions, proof that they are your alphas and you, their omega.

And the last thing your alphas want is for you to hurt.

He lets his instincts take over, drawing his wings into his back as he nosedives. He lets his spymaster mind take over, eyes scanning for the best area to stop and rest. The wind whips at his face and the fabric of your skirts slaps against his body as you freefall.

With a stroke of luck he spots a cave. It’s not nearly as hidden as he’d like, but there are no other options right now. It will have to do.

Azriel sends his plans to your other pack members, who immediately follow the spymaster’s silent instructions. Cassian stalks ahead when you land on the ground with a jolt, scoping out the area while Rhys moves closer to help settle the raging bond in your chest.

“Just a few more moments, darling, I promise you,” he speaks softly, brushing the hair from your wet cheeks before running a soothing hand across your soft skin. His power thrums through you but does nothing to stave away the gnawing, uncomfortable feeling gnashing in your gut.

“All clear,” Cassian calls, voice echoing loudly throughout the darkening night. It makes the other two wince, Azriel tucking you closer to his chest as he goes on high alert. Ater a brief pause where he scans the area, straining to hear for potential threats over the rushed sound of your heart in your chest, he makes their way deeper into the cave while Rhys sets off in search of firewood.

Cassian’s already stripped himself of his thick coat and shirt, laying it out on the cold, stony ground as a bed of sorts for you. His muscular, tanned chest on display has more slick dripping from your cunt, undergarments soaked through. The light dusting of hair across his large pectorals makes you flare up, and you so desperately want to reach out for him, to touch the soft hairs beckoning to you like a beacon, but you’re too weak to unclench your fist from Azriel’s shirt.

You whimper and the warlord scrambles, reaching out to relieve Azriel of his duties. He looks bone tired, dark circles around his eyes and mouth set in a permanent frown. He’d been hard as a rock the entire time he’d been carrying you, his body reacting to your heat, ready to give you everything that you could ever need, but your protection will always come first.

He presses in close, his bare body touching yours and you huff out a sigh as the thrumming in your chest becomes more bearable from his warm skin pressed up against you. Cassian is gentle with you, setting you down onto his jacket to help you with your own clothes.

You rake your nails across any skin you can find as he works, body writhing on top of the warm threads beneath you. The throbbing between your legs is driving you insane, and you need him, you need him like the sun needs the sky, like the moon needs darkness.

“Almost there, sweetheart,” he reassures, but there’s still too much clothing between the two of you. Azriel’s made himself scarce, off to help Rhysand prepare for the long night in the cave with their omega in heat. They’ll need all of the protection they can get. He only hopes they’ll be able to sate you enough before you’re needing to go for another round so they can finally transport you the rest of the way home in the morning.

You shiver as he drags the lace covering your needy cunt down, tossing them over his shoulder without care. His nostrils flare as the scent of your slick hits his nose and his cock strains against the leathers he’d only gotten so far as to untying. He bends to kiss and lick at your wet thighs but there’s no time for foreplay, you need his knot and you need it now.

But you don’t need to speak a word, the bond you share with Cassian lets him know exactly how much you’re in need of relief. He lets your hands slide up the hills and valleys of his back as he shifts away to rid himself of the confining leathers, but your fingers slip up into his hair and tug him to a stop.

The alpha growls and you keen in response, nipples tightening and thighs spreading as you submit to the noise. He huffs, shoving his pants down and kicking them away into the pile with his boots before he’s leaning over you and molding his body to yours, pressing a kiss of apology over the red indentations of the bite mark of his you wear proudly.

Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling his body even tighter to yours. His cock slides against your soaking cunt and you need to scream but his mouth is on yours, swallowing the noises trying to escape your throat as he shoves into you with a predatory groan.

Stars burst behind your closed eyelids, body vibrating at the sensation of finally being claimed by your alpha. You’d never staved off your heat like this before. Either your alphas were there to take care of you or you had your plethora of toys to help relieve some of the pain, but as you’d sat in one of the suites in the burrows of the Woodland House, the thought of getting off to help the pain subside was met with the fear that one of the men there would try something with you.

“Cassian,” you moan as he licks across your bond mark again. You swear that you can feel his soul tangling with yours at every thrust, feverish and rushed, your alpha wanting to help you through your prolonged heat. He doesn’t like seeing you in pain like this, and he’s proving it by fucking into you the way you crave, not loving and teasing like he normally is. No, this is hungry and raw, the need to take care of what’s his outweighing his own need to be gentle.

You’re already getting near. A single touch from them could get you off in the throes of your heat, but after having forced yourself back for so long, it’s taken him longer than he’d like to admit to get you to this point. Cassian licks his way down your neck and to your nipple, swirling his tongue before nipping at it with sharp teeth, and your body arches into his as you whine while your orgasm rips through you.

Some of the haze clears from your mind when you come back to, but you’re just as desperate for him to follow you. You can feel Cassian’s knot swelling already and you wait with a baited breath until he releases with possessive snarl, locking him into you as hot spurts of his seed fills your needy cunt.

You feel as though you can finally breathe again, even with the warm weight of your biggest alpha pinning you to the ground. You feel safe in his arms but the itch comes back quickly, consuming you as you catch the scent of your other alphas on the autumn breeze.

“More,” you cry desperately, swirling your hips but it does nothing to move the cock that’s locked deeply into you. “I need more.”

Hurry up, Cassian snaps through their mental shields as he drags his hands down your sides and across your hind. He scoops some of the slickness from between your legs, grunting as his cock throbs again, releasing even more cum into your tight cunt. It’ll go on like this for a long moment, but that doesn’t mean he can’t get you prepared.

You shudder through a moan as he circles a finger around your pucker, a gentle tease before he presses it inside. You sigh against his lips, giving him a thankful kiss as he helps fill your needs.

Azriel strides into the cave by the time Cassian’s worked you up to three fingers, his face set and mouth downturned as always. You know him better than that, understand that the hard look in his gold-flecked eyes isn’t because of you or even the alpha knotting you, it’s because he feels as if this isn’t a safe enough place to mount you and claim you as his. 

Overprotective alpha.

Cassian is careful to shuffle you around, tucking you close to his body as he maneuvers himself under you so that your ass is on display for the scowling alpha. You mewl as his knot is jostled, but he stays tucked tightly into your cunt. They’re good about giving each other space at home, but with how long you’ve been needing them, your bond calls out to all of them like a siren song.

There’s a pile of wood in Azriel’s arms but Rhys hasn’t made his way back to the cave yet, scouting the surroundings and preparing himself for the night ahead. He’s still collecting firewood, and Azriel drops his own carelessly at his feet, his hands already dragging his shirt up the toned planes of his chest, responding to his omegas call. 

He settles onto his knees behind you, letting his shadows drape themselves in lone lines down your back. You shiver, their cool claws brushing your heated skin in a way the makes your cunt flutter and you beg.

Azriel hushes you softly, admiring the sight of you stretched out on Cassian’s fingers, his cock. His lips part to taste the scent of your arousal in the air and he so desperately wants a taste of his delectable omega, but your wild cries for him to fuck you have him ripping Cassian’s fingers from you to replace with his rock hard length.

Your broken moan echoes throughout the cabin and into the autumn winds outside, calling Rhysand home to you with every sound. There’s nothing he can do except glamor the mouth of the cave. He has to concentrate harder than he’s had to since he was young and learning the skill, but the pleasurable sounds you’re making are very distracting. Sweat lines his brow as he forces his powers out, shoving away the weariness he feels from exuding too much of it in the search for you.

He drags himself inside and all but collapses into a heap next to you and the other alphas. He’d love nothing more but to shut his eyes and rest for a moment, but he can’t look away from you, mouth hanging open and eyes rolled into the back of your skull as Azriel fucks you frevorently from behind.

“Fuck, Az,” Cassian hisses, fingers digging into your hips. His chest is heaving under you, pressing you up and down, rubbing you between your alphas chests. Your hardened nipples brush over his tanned skin and they’re so sensitive that it makes you cum again. The feeling of Az’s cock through your walls is astounding, and everytime he shares you this way he’s just as surprised by the feeling, especially when he feels his own sensitive cock preen as the shadowsinger’s knot expands. “I’m going to cum again.”

“Do it,” you beg, clutching onto his arms. Azriel’s hands snake around your shoulders to tug you up, and the change of the angle he's pressing into you has you seeing stars. With a hand gripping your chin, he tilts your head so that he can finally kiss you.

Cassian cums again with a roar that shakes the mountain and makes the other two alphas growl in alert. He doesn’t care, baring his teeth at them as he tries to pry you out of Azriel’s arms, to no avail.

You meet the eyes of your third alpha, the High Lord who’s lounging like the playboy he is, beside you with a glare that melts into a tired smirk when he catches you staring. 

You reach out to him, pleading him to join in because you need him, it still hurts even though two of your alphas are fulfilling your needs right now. 

But you need them all.

“Please, please, please, please, please!” Your plea for him twists into chants for Azriel, his knot growing deeply inside of you as he cums, lapping at his mark on your neck. He wishes it were the one on the meat of your thigh, his other favorite place to pleasure you. For now, this will do.

Rhys scoots closer when you collapse on Cassian’s chest, soft noises of approval drifting from your mouth. Your eyes flutter from how incredible you feel, but you’re still hot all over and you know that you won’t be feeling like yourself until you’ve had all three of your alphas multiple times.

“You know I can’t help you right now, darling,” he drawls, tucking a strand of hair back behind your ear. Your fingers dart up to catch his wrist before he’s able to pull away, so he settles on brushing the smooth skin of your cheek instead.

“You can,” you whimper back, but he’s already shaking his head.

“I don’t like to do that, my sweet,” but there’s no High Lord demands in the tone of his voice, so you know that you can push him.

“Rhys,” you swallow harshly, trying to focus on him for a second instead of on the hot seed filling you to the brim from your other alphas. “I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t sure. I need you too.”

He sighs, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and you bite back a whimper because you think you’ve gone too far, that Rhys won’t help you at all.

“Alright,” he says softly and you breathe a sigh of relief.

His eyes glow brighter as he enters your mind.

Rhys doesn’t like meddling in your mind, but sometimes when your heat is too much, it’s all he can do. Your body thrives on having all three of your alphas inside of you, and he’d be willing to fuck your throat, but knowing just how bad this heat is for you, he doesn’t want to risk it.

Instead, he caresses your inner being. You can feel him in your head, the images he’s showing you, you bent over the counter in the kitchen, taking his cock like the good little omega you are for him. There’s one of him slurping the slick from between your thighs like a starved male, until your legs could no longer hold you up and his tongue was buzzing from the amount of times he’d gotten you off.

And there’s one of the future flooding your vision as you whine for more. One of his favorite thoughts, you chasing around after a little boy who howls with laughter and looks just like him.

That’s the one that makes you cum harder than you ever have before, your vision whiting out as your body slackens on top of Cassian, sliding into your omegaspace.

They hold you like that for a long time. Azriel draped over your back and Cassian under you, keeping you warm as the chill of the night sets in and even after their knots go down. Rhys runs his hand in a soothing pattern against any skin he can find, even as he shuts his eyes to rest. 

You’re sated and happy, surrounded by your alphas, until you’re not.

You wake with a start, writhing in the space between Cassian and Rhys. Your hairline is damp with sweat and the ache between your legs is back. You whimper into the darkness of the cave, hoping to rouse one of your sleeping alphas, preferably the one you haven’t been filled with yet.

Azriel is nowhere to be seen, on patrol no doubt.

Rhys wakes to a stiff cock and you rutting against him, begging him for relief. He blinks away the sleep in his eyes only for his pupils to dilate as he zeroes in on the scent of your slick.

He’s quick to roll on top of you, caging you in with his forearms pressed to the pile of coats and clothes they’d set you upon to sleep. The undergarments that he’d been reluctant to put back on for this reason are gone with a snap, his hips tilting down to dip into your wetness. You both groan at the feeling and you cling to him like a bat.

You’ve been waiting for him, your alpha and High Lord alike. His touch is demanding, wanting all of your attention on him as he sheaths himself inside of you in one fell swoop. He doesn’t want to share, and right now, with Cassian snoring softly beside you and Azriel taking rounds in the woods, he doesn't have to.

Rhys doesn’t waste any time. He can feel how badly you’re craving him, squirming on his cock like the good girl you are. Your fingers leave crescent shaped marks on his shoulders and he leaves behind bruises where his fingertips hold your hips still to pound into you.

Even in the darkness, you can see that there’s no violet in his eyes. They’re a reflection of the night sky, looking at you like you’re the moon, heavenly in the way that you move, sound in response to him. He loves you, through and through.

The bond thrums in your chest as he ruts into you, swirling his hips as he lowers himself flush to you. He slips into your mind, letting you feel everything that you’re doing to him, and it’s nearly too much, to be able to feel his heart pounding in your chest against yours, the blistering arousal coursing through his veins.

“I’m going to put an heir in you to rule the court, darling, will you give me that?” Rhys’ voice is dark, more alpha than Illyrian right now but it’s exactly what you need. You need his roughened hands manhandling you into positions best for breeding, you need those dark eyes pinned to yours, knowing that his words are nothing but truth, you need his knot to fill you with his seed to give him exactly what he wants. 

Your body arches into his on instinct and you bare your throat to him. He lets out a predatory growl and noses along your scent gland, devouring the familiar sweetness he’s been craving. The urge to mark you again is strong, his body vibrating as he tries to hold himself back. But then you answer.

“I’ll give you a whole litter, alpha,” you moan, and he bites.

The sensation explodes throughout your body. You cry out in pleasure as you cum on his cock, walls flexing around him in a motion that only makes his hips move faster and his teeth clamp tighter.

You’re pulling at his hair, clawing down his sides trying to drag him closer, as if somehow you’ll be able to manage to absorb your alpha into your very being. Your mating bond vibrates and you can feel the warm, golden tendrils as they meet his, twisting and twining around each other in tight knots that will never be able to become undone.

“I can’t wait to see it,” his voice sounds like he’s swallowed sand, rough like it hasn’t been used in ages. “Your belly swollen with my pups. I bet it will drive your other alphas wild.”

His voice holds a breathy falter, and the visions of you heavily pregnant flit through his mind. It makes him release a desperate sound and his ships stutter, knot swelling as he shares the images with you.

He cums with a sound that brings courts to their knees and sends shivers up your spine, knot locking into place deep in your cunt. He swears that this will be the time that his seed takes, Cauldron willing. 

“Let’s find out,” you pant, brushing some of the hair from his face. Rhys stares down at you, noting how the cloudy look from your heat has subsided now that you’re being knotted, and he can see nothing but the truth glimmering in your soft gaze.

Rhys swallows roughly, leaning down to breathe in your scent deeply. It’s always calmed him, even in the worst scenarios. You are his rock, his home. “You’re ready for pups?” he asks like he’s afraid of your answer.

You can’t bite back the grin splitting your lips. 

“Yes, Rhys, it’s time to grow the pack.”

[cozymoko]

Tw EATING DISORDER

what would the sakamakis+tsukanamis do when they realize their s/o is developing an eating disorder?

:3

S/O WITH EATING DISORDER — SAKAMAKI

Note: I can only put a certain amount of pictures in per request so if you still want the Tsukinamis' please feel free to request again once my ask box is open!

Pairing: Sakamaki Brothers x gn! reader

Format: Headcanons

WARNING(S): eating disorder, force feeding, insensitive comments

Want more Diabolik lovers? → Masterlist! ★

SHU SAKAMAKI

Though not the most well-informed, he's far from being an idiot. He was already suspicious when you either faked eating during dinner or attempted to force the food down your throat. It was painfully evident. And when he found you bent over a toilet, retching out the remains, that was all the proof he needed.

Shu can't force you to do anything and he's aware of that, but he will still encourage you to do so. Frankly, he'd rather not have you starve to death due to your own stubbornness. Shu will follow you to hell and then bring you right back. He'll even try to play therapist and listen to what kick-started your god-awful eating habits.

“Haah, what a piece of work. You must really want to give me a heart attack, hm? Learn to rely on me, don't make me worry so much next time.”

REIJI SAKAMAKI

Out of all his brothers, Reiji will be the most understanding. Most of the Sakamaki has very limited knowledge involving the human body but he does not. After plunging his head in many books on the matter, that much should be clear. Thus it's likely you won't have too much trouble confining in him because of that.

There's no need for you to go hungry in any way while living in the manor. Despite how annoyed he may come off, Reiji is willing to go through all the potential solutions to lessen this burden on you. However, he does still remain the same in some aspects, threatening to punish you if you don't put forth some effort to eat.

“I've noticed your eating habits have become rather strange. Very well, I will create a new diet for you to regain your strength. It would be best that you follow it.”

AYATO SAKAMAKI

Unfortunately, he's pretty insensitive to things like this. He has no knowledge of mental health (though having plenty of his own) so Ayato won't try to act as he does. He'll probably say something terribly ignorant or even try to shove food down your throat, then turn around and wonder why you're so pissed at him.

It will take someone to smack some sense into him so he understands the severity of it. Even then he lacks the sentiments to truly comprehend what you're going through. But realistically, he'll probably push it off onto Reiji in the end. Of course, he cares, but such a "detailed" condition isn't his forte.

“Geez, just how long were you planning on keeping this from me? You belong to 'yours truly', and it'd be such a pain if you get any weaker. So rely on me, got it!”

KANATO SAKAMAKI

This is the last person I'd want to be stuck with in a situation like this. He's an absolute idiot on things like this, hands down. (I hate Kanato) In his mind, dolls don't have to eat so you must be perfectly fine, right? Expect you aren't a doll, nor a vampire at that so, of course, you need to eat.

As the days go by you grow noticbly weaker with no desire to do anything but wallow in your despair. Only then did he begin to take things seriously. The triplet has the most insufficient approach ever, it's not even comforting. Kanato will attempt to feed you and then get mad when you reject it. Despite his apparent concern, I highly doubt it'd make up for his thoughtlessness.

“You've grown so weak...Uu...why won't you talk to me? Uu...Don't you care for my feelings? I won't allow you to die on me; you can't leave me! I'll make sure of it!”

LAITO SAKAMAKI

He knows what an eating disorder is as Laito's been with his fair share of women. But that doesn't mean he's educated on the matter. Laito notices your standoffish demeanor right away, carefully eyeing you as he immediately puts two and two together. Yet, he won't act on it until he can find the root of your eating disorder. After all, we must start from the source~!

It'd be a shame if his favorite toy grew terribly ill so he offers to help you. Spending several hours arranging a new diet for you, feeding you small portions, and certainly boosting your confidence in the late hours of the night. Though he doesn't show it, Laito truly cares for your well-being and will do just about anything to ensure your recovery.

“You've been looking at your reflection for quite some time, little bitch. Have I not been tending to you enough~? Fufu, that won't do! Shall I fix that for you~?”

SUBARU SAKAMAKI

Once he found out about your eating disorder, Subaru loses it. His anger is in some way directed at you for not telling him; but also at himself for being so clueless about it. As you'd expect, his first course of action is intimidating you into eating, but a quiet whimper will stop him dead in his tracks. This calls for a different approach.

Subaru looks to Reiji for guidance, which comes as no shock. The vampire is in no place to be taking care of a human in any mental aspect, regardless of them being his lover. Even with this newfound information, it will do very little to decrease his snappiness towards you. But he's just worried and sure as hell doesn't wanna lose you!

“Don't push yourself too much, alright? Tch, 'worried?', it's not like that so shut up, damnit! I just...don't want you to leave me in the dark anymore...”

[calaisreno]

Sixth Sense

885 Words / Prompt: Intuition

Molly notices. 

She’s not really a friend of John’s. They're friendly, but she never has much to say to him. He’s kind to her, and probably aware of how she felt about Sherlock. 

As one of the few who knows Sherlock is alive, she has a terrible advantage over John Watson. Not the one she used to wish for. 

They met in her lab, when Mike Stamford came looking for Sherlock, to introduce him to John. Well, nobody introduced her. Sherlock was fixated on her lipstick for some reason. She remembers John’s eyes on her, then turning to focus on Sherlock. That was the day she finally figured out that Sherlock wasn’t interested in her. In time, her crushing disappointment was lessened by the realisation that he was gay. It wouldn’t have mattered what shade of lipstick she wore or however many coffees she brought him; he would never look at her the way he looked at John.

At first she thought John was straight. After her blunder with Jim from IT (who turned out to be not only gay, but also a criminal) she consulted her friend Jasper, another gay man. “How can you tell?”

Asking this, she wasn’t thinking about Sherlock, or even Jim. What she was wondering about was John, who sometimes looked at Sherlock as if he’d hung the moon, but still dated ridiculous women. 

Of course men have different taste in women, just as women prefer certain types of men. She was attracted to men like Sherlock— tall, pale, Byronic hair, blindingly intelligent. Men who entered rooms with a swirl, who spoke with voices that made her shiver. They were hard to find, and to expect such a man also to be kind, romantic, and not gay was apparently too much. 

John dated women who were a bit out of reach. Taller women, confident women, the kind who didn’t need the right lipstick to be noticed. The kind who didn’t own three cats and spend the holidays with their ageing mother. These unobtainable women never lasted more than two dates. And he never seemed to mind.

John is not Molly’s type. She appreciates his abilities as a doctor. He has the right manner with Sherlock, a bit snarky, but not mean. He’s not tall, not gracefully slender. He has a temper. He’s blond and a bit sweary, good-looking in an average way, an ordinary bloke who goes out for pints with people like Greg Lestrade and Mike Stamford. 

She’d barely noticed him that day in the lab. He’s a man who doesn’t stand out, who completely disappears in the shadow of a man like Sherlock.

John and she are that awkward thing: friends of friends. He would never introduce her as, my friend, Molly. It would be Sherlock’s friend, Molly. If he asked a favour of her, she would do it because Sherlock would appreciate it, not because she feels any obligation to John.

She doesn’t hate him, or wish anything bad on him. She might have felt jealous for a few days, simply because Sherlock never forgets John the way he forgets about her the minute she’s out of his sight. 

She noticed him watching John, usually when he wasn’t looking. He looked sad. And she thought, I know what that feels like.

The memory of that look weighs on her, weeks after Sherlock’s funeral. A hard day, that was, sitting in a pew trying to fake sadness as she watched others grieve.

As she watched John grieve. 

What does it mean that John Watson looks like he’s lost everything? She sees him at the hospital sometimes, his hooded gaze avoiding the eyes of others, his psychosomatic limp making him wince with pain. 

She can’t say what it is that tells her. Maybe she’s just practiced for so long on other men that she’s developed a sixth sense about it. 

John loved Sherlock— not just as a friend. And he’s probably just now realising that. She supposes that quite a few men dismiss those feelings of attraction. Jasper says, all men are gay, potentially. It’s just easier to stay in the closet.

There are various reasons for that, and she doesn’t want to speculate what John’s are, but she observes his grief, and knows regret is a large part of that. 

Sherlock will be back, someday. He wasn’t very clear about when. Six months, maybe a year. But she thinks he’s being optimistic; he wants to come home to John, not leave him to grieve for years. 

And by the time he does make it back, John will have found another woman. Blonde and pretty. Nothing like the dark beauties he used to date. But still, clever like Sherlock, a bit imperious and demanding. He will look at her the way Sherlock always looked at him, when he didn’t notice. 

She could tell him. There’s only her promise to stop her from doing that. Could John keep the secret? Sherlock told her not knowing will keep him alive, that knowing would put him in danger.

She’s not in danger. Nobody thinks she mattered that much to Sherlock. Her feigned grief is taken as real, but everybody knows she’ll get over it. Just a crush.

As for John Watson, this might just kill him. 

That’s a problem she could solve. 

[angxlofvenus]

A Shoulder To Cry On

Requested By: @saturnsapothecary Genre: Hurt/comfort Ship: The brothers x reader TW: Mentions of crying, distressed reader, physical contact, Undisclosed stressful situation, soft characters, angst tbh Word count: 1,107 An: Hi! What you are about to read is probably the most angsty thing I have written thus far. I joke a lot in my other writings but in this one I went with a more somber approach, mostly bc I listened to Mitski while writing this entire thing, Anyway, Heed the TW, and Happy reading ♥️

Pt. 2 can be found here (Dateables+Luke edition!)

It had been a rough week, 'Thankfully it's Friday' You thought, Climbing up The HoL staircase as you felt yourself start to break, By the time you had reached your room- all you could do was walk in, close the door, and start crying, collapsing onto the floor, Not hearing the door reopen and a certain demon pop his head inside...

Lucifer

Immediate concern, What has happened? 

He makes a bee-line toward you, kneeling infront of you.

Will rub soft and slow circles into your back as you start to calm down

Once he knows nothing is currently threatening you in any way, He would lead you to his bedroom (Not like that, get your head out of the gutter)

Will offer you a beverage as you sit on his bed, You don’t have to talk to him but…He is here for you and he needs you to know that.

If you want physical comfort, He will sit on his bed, gather you up into his arms and start to rock the two of you, His body crashed against yours like gentle waves, Pulling you in and then pushing you back out.

If you don’t wish to be touched, He absolutely understands either way. He hopes his soft-spoken words of comfort will help you.

He gets it, He feels nonstop worry and exhaustion from his many duties, He strives to make the Devildom a happy place for you but he knows he can not always insure that, But let him try to fix what has plagued you.

Mammon

When he finds you crying he feels horrendous and angry, Not at you of course! Just-

He’s supposed to be your first man, The guy you can find solace in no matter what! But looking at your tear-stained face he can’t help but feel like he’s failed you in a way 

He will do everything in his power to help you though, He may have not been there to stop this all from happening but that doesn’t mean you have to go through this alone!

Ask and you shall receive, No complaints! Anything you want that will make your grief lessen, He’d do it for you.

He isn’t the best speaker but he’ll start shooting off at the mouth about how much he cares about you and how he hates seeing you like this- Please let him help, In any way he can. 

Levi

Panic, He can barely handle himself- Let alone another person!

With shaky hands he will put a hand on your shoulder before looking at your reaction, 

If you want Physical comfort, he will slot himself beside you, not outwardly touching you, just kind of leaning onto you

If not, His hand retracts rapidly as he instead sits across from you

Either way, He’ll quietly ask if you want to talk about it, After your done talking/You tell him no- He will invite you to his room where you all spend the rest of the night watching your favorite animes/series

He knows he can’t take away all of your pain, But he hopes he can atleast put some nicer things in your mind

Satan

Brows furrowed, He takes quick but cautious steps toward you, almost like he would a cat.

The first thing that comes to his mind is anger, “Are you okay? Who did this?” He will ask you as softly as he could.

When he finds out what has happened, He will feel the surge of anger come back to him, Not at you- never at you, But at the world. He hates how powerless he feels in these moments, knowing there is nothing for him to solve.

So instead he does what he knows how to do, He takes you through breathing exercises and ways to help you calm down, He has spent centuries managing his anger so he has learned a thing or two-

Will talk you through your worries if you wanted before walking off, Only to then bring back your favorite book with him. He reads to you in the same soft voice you have grown to love, He knows he is only one demon but that doesn’t mean he won’t try to take the weight off your shoulders.

Asmo

His first thought is to swarm you, Asking questions, giving hugs, wiping away your tears- the whole nine yards

But he won’t. He knows how to respect boundaries no matter what, So he pushes down the feeling, instead dropping to his knees infront of you and asking what’s wrong.

If you want a hug or a shoulder to cry on he is their the second it comes out of your mouth, You don’t have to pretend with him, not ever- He won’t think badly of you for anything you vent to him about- He is there for you no matter what, Through thick and thin.

Only if your feeling up to it ofcourse, He’ll lead you to his room and bring out his ‘self care box’ The ice mask he lays across your face washes away the remnants of your tears as his hand cards through your hair

Beel

Drops all of his snacks in a flurry to get to you.

Unlike the others, He is looking for injuries- So your personal bubble is feeling a little violated

Once you tell him you are physically fine, His shoulders relax some and he takes a step away from you and says that he’s sorry for running up on you like that.

Gentle giant mode activated, Is gonna talk to you like he does Belphie, Asking what’s wrong and how he can help.

He feels so much responsibility for you, As he does all of his family, And is so crushed that he can’t go back in time and help you

He starts to think about what makes him cheer up and asks if you’d want to go to Madame Screams with him, If yes then he would put in all of his effort to making you forget all of your troubles

If no, He get’s it! Sometimes he doesn’t wanna go out either, He’ll just offer to go and pick up whatever you like from anywhere, No matter what! 

He wishes he could do more but sharing a dessert with you sounds like a good start.

Belphie

Blinks twice, Trying to see if he was seeing things right

Will make his way over to you in confusion, “Hey what’s wrong?” 

You decide whether you actually tell him or not, he’s chill either way- He understands why you would and wouldn’t want to talk to him about it

He isn’t the best at comforting but he does what he can, He’ll move y’all to your bed and will even give you his special cow pillow

Will start talking about random things, anything and everything- Letting his voice will you to sleep, Making sure that all of your dreams are nothing but happy days, Days he’d hope to make a reality soon.

Hey! Fancy seeing you here, I get that this post was a little heavy on the feelings, I just wanted everyone out there to know that You are not alone- No matter what you are going through and that my Dms and inbox are always open if you need to vent or just to talk in general, My blog is a safe space to anybody who needs it 🖤

[oleander-nin]

Horrotober Day 13- Pills(Yandere 2012 Donnie x Reader)

A/N, not important: Another short one. Yay... Sorry if this one seems wonky, I tried. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

CW: Forced drugging, kidnapping, manipulation, dark themes, yandere themes

Words: 786

Summary: Donnie keeps you drugged and happy so his brothers are none the wiser

Donnie gasps your cheeks gently, maroon eyes staring into your own. He has the dreaded pills and water in his grasp, his voice coming out softly. “You have to take the pills, Dove. You know the rules.”

Donnie sighs as more tears run down your cheeks, your arms pushing weakly at his chest. Fighting was futile, and he needed to do this. Raph was already getting suspicious of him, pointing out how odd you were the days he lessened your dosage. Donnie couldn’t risk it, not when he was this close to keeping you here forever. His room was already set up for you, as you’d been staying there for weeks already, but his brothers still weren’t used to you. All he needed to do was figure out how to keep your mouth shut, and he was golden.

He had allowed you to try and exist on your own for a while, only giving you a small amount of the drug, or even sometimes none at all, but you were unable to act accordingly. You flinched when he came near, cried when he spoke, and broke down when Leo tried to help calm you down. He couldn’t trust you anymore, not without the drug he stole just for you. He was willing to have you loopy and practically drunk if it meant you wouldn’t run your mouth. In his mind, it was a small price to pay for your obedience.

“I’ll be good, I promise.” You sob, your voice muffled from the way he squished your cheeks in his hand. Donnie sighs, setting the pills and water down on the table beside you. He runs the now free hand through your hair, cooing softly as he waits for you to calm down. He’d wait forever if needed, but he’d prefer to get this over with. He was tired, and Leo would be coming to get him for patrol any minute. He needed you drugged, and fast.

“Don’t make me force you sunshine,” He coos, wiping a fallen tear with his thumb. He smiles softly as you sniffle. Despite the pain in his heart, it was nice to see you cry. No matter how ugly you insisted you were when the dams broke, he found it endearing. Your eyes puffed and lip set in a pout, with you clear eyes watering and shimmering as you sob. It was a beautiful sight, akin to butterfly trapped in a spiders web. He would never get tired of your tears.

You sob harder at his words, making him take in a deep breath. It was ten minutes until patrol, and the drug took at least fifteen to set in. He was running out of time. Frustrated, Donnie pries your mouth open with his thumb, dumping the first pill in. He watches you gag as your body fights it, but he holds your mouth closed until you swallow. He does the same with the next pill, watching in satisfaction as you take them both. 

He hands you the water and lets you drink it, knowing what he had just done was probably hard on your throat. It had taken weeks to get you to swallow the first pill on your own, but he much preferred you figuring it out to him shoving it down your throat as if you were a cat at the vet. The pills he gave you couldn’t be crushed, so swallowing was the only way for intake. He watches you down the whole drink in satisfaction, his mind more at ease. This pill would always be worth it.

Now that you have taken your pills, he moves to put the bottle back into his locked drawers. He had nightmares of you finding them and overdosing, so he made sure to go through every precaution. You were such a delicate but impulsive thing. It was entertaining, but would cause him to gray early if he had hair.

He returns to your side, watching your head loll forward with a smile as your eyes start to glaze over. He could tell you were fighting it, but it was futile. The drugs always won. He carefully picks you up, draping your arms over his shoulders as your legs wrap instinctively around your waist. He walks you over to his room, tucking you into his bed. The pill always made you drowsy at first, which was why he started having you take it before he left. You couldn’t do much to run if you were out cold while he was gone. He steps back as you snuggle into the bed, too doped out to be worried or confused. He walks out when you finally drift off, just in time for patrol.

[deathbxnny]

hihi!! scar, jiyan and aalto with a teen reader who is like firefly?

I focused alot more on her illness tbh, as I always thought that that was quite the tragic yet most human part about her. Thank you for the request tho, anon, and I hope you'll like this!<33

Content: heavy angst, platonic relationships, reader is unable to walk well, focus on her chronical illness, talks of potential future death, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!!

((Not proofread))

》JIYAN

Jiyan knows that you are suffering alot in his absence. He tries to be there as much as he can, especially when he sees your condition becoming worse and worse as time goes on. It upsets him greatly deep down that there is nothing he can do about it either. All he can do is be strong and brave for you out on the frontlines, so you can rest without disturbance and live a somewhat normal teenage life like you deserve. His heart breaks more when he sees how desperately you wished to live and yet stayed so kind and gentle despite everything.

And it all melts away when you're barely able to walk anymore and are clearly heading into a danger zone health wise. It worries him deeply and keeps him rather occupied even on the battlefield. Yet when he's home, he takes care of you and spoils you as much as he can, never voicing his fears. He knows that your end is most likely near and that you'll lose the battle against your sickness. But he'll be right beside you when it's over. He swears it as your caretaker and general.

》AALTO

Aalto tries to keep the mood up despite the inevitable doom you're most likely going to experience. In a way, it's a form of denial where he tries to just push all the troubles away in hopes of you getting better through positivity. Some may say it's foolish... but what else is he supposed to do? There is no cure, and you both know it, including Encore, who was in a similar state as him. You tried to be positive with them, take any small sign of recovery as something big, and hopeful.

But it all came to a stop when you couldn't walk well anymore and it was becoming harder for you to live in general. It forced them to stay somewhere more stable and cozy for once to take care of you to the best of their abilities, but even that didn't feel like it was enough. Aalto can't help how visibly upset he is at times either, especially when the illness progresses much faster than it should. Yet, as long as you're still smiling, no matter how pained or strained it may be, he'll try doing the same to the very end.

》SCAR

Your illness is an unspoken part of you. He's aware of it. He sees it. He experiences what it does to you firsthand. And yet, neither of you speak about it. It's like you hope it will go away if you just ignore it, and in a way, it's true. It does go away when it starts to wither your body until you can't be around him anymore on most days. But this doesn't mean that he'll just let you disappear so easily, either. He'll try and help you out in his own ways, keeping you safe as he tries to find a cure. But when that doesn't work, he simply decides to be there until it's over.

He can't comfort you, nor will he say that things can still get better. There is no point when you can't even go about your duties as a Fractsidus member anymore and are stuck laying in your chambers, practically waiting it out. Yet what gets him the most is how kind and calm you were through all of this. You wished to live. It's all you wanted. But you weren't brutal about it, nor did you scream and cry. He wished you did, however, as the loss he secretly experienced again would maybe lessen at the sight of you fighting until you can't anymore.

[maybe-im-dark]

You know what? Fuck it! I am going to fix X-Men Origins! I love this movie and i'm not ashamed of it! I am gonna write scenes to fill out what was missing in the movie and new scenes to fix the bad ones! Starting with this one! All script style! Maybe some directors will take notice!

---

EXT. WOODS — NIGHT

Logan, much younger, his bone claws freshly discovered, runs through a dense forest alongside Victor. The air is thick with the smell of pine and soil, the sounds of night creatures filling the air. It's after he's learned the truth —that Thomas Logan is his biological father —and the rage from that discovery burns deep in his chest. They are both on the run, outcasts in the wilderness, with only each other to rely on.

But tonight it's not just survival. It's something more —something that makes Logan grit his teeth in pain.

Victor:

(gruff, demanding)

"Again, Jimmy, do it again!"

Logan grits his teeth, his breath ragged. His fists clench at his sides as he braces for the pain. With a snarl, he forces his bone claws to extend from between his knuckles. The jagged bones tear through his skin, breaking through muscle and tendons that have never been used this way before. The pain is excruciating, every movement of the claws sending waves of agony up his arms.

Blood drips from the wounds as the claws fully extend, the pain still fresh in his mind. Logan hunches over, panting, sweat pouring down his face. He tries to push the pain away, but it lingers, throbbing in his every fiber.

Logan:

(growling)

"It hurts, Victor! Every damn time!"

Victor steps closer, towering over his younger brother, his sharp eyes gleaming with something almost predatory.

Victor:

"It's supposed to hurt. It's part of who we are. But you have to get used to it. You need to pop these claws fast —no hesitation."

Logan stares down at his blood-covered hands, the claws still jutting out awkwardly from between his knuckles. The pain hasn't lessened, but there's something else there too —a strange sense of power, of strength. He can feel his instincts, those feral instincts that Victor has talked about, scratching at the surface.

But he isn't ready to let them out. Not yet.

Victor circles him, pushing him harder.

Victor:

"You're holding back, Jimmy. You have to keep practicing until it doesn't matter how much it hurts. Because if you don't, when the time comes, you'll be too slow —and dead!"

Logan clenches his jaw, his muscles tensing. He retracts the claws with a sharp grunt, the sensation of bone pulling back into his flesh equally painful. His skin heals over the wounds quickly, but the memory of the pain lingers. Before he can catch his breath, Victor is at it again, pushing him, forcing him to pop the claws once more.

Victor:

"Again! Faster this time!"

Logan growls, but he obeys, the claws tearing through his skin once more. The pain is unbearable, but each time he does it, the sensation dulls slightly, his body slowly adapting to the unnatural act.

As the night stretches on, they continue. Logan's instincts begin to shift. Each time the claws emerge, it becomes less about pain and more about the hunt. The animal inside him begins to stir, clawing its way to the surface. And as they get older they begin to hunt together —tracking down prey through the forest, moving with a feral grace that neither of them had before.

EXT. FOREST — DAY (YEARS LATER)

Logan, now a young man, taller and broader than before, moves through the woods with Victor. His chest hair has grown in, his mutton chops and weathered skin starting to form the features he's known for. He's no longer the boy who ran from his past. He's a man now, hardened by years of survival, hunting and the painful growth spurts that have reshaped his body.

But it's not just physical. Something inside him has changed. The animal Victor always talked about —the beast in their bloodline —has become more present. Victor, tall and muscular beside him, watches Logan with an almost proud look in his eyes.

Victor:

(approving)

"You're growing into it, Jimmy. That's the animal in you, just like me. Passed down from our father's blood. You've always had it in you."

They've been working hard labor jobs between hunting and fighting for survival. Their bodies have become stronger, more muscular and Logan moves through the world, he feels the weight of his instincts pulling him closer to the beast inside.

But even as Victor encourages it, Logan still holds back. He knows there's a line —a line between the man and the animal and he's not ready to cross it.

Logan:

"I'm not like you, Victor. I'm not gonna give in to it."

Victor laughs, a deep rumbling sound that echoes through the trees.

Victor:

"You're already halfway there, brother. You feel it every time you fight, every time those claws come out. You just don't want to admit it. But one day you'll see it like i do. You'll stop fighting the animal inside you and you'll become who you're meant to be."

Logan turns to face Victor, his expression hard, resolute.

Logan:

"I'm not giving into it! I'm not you!"

Victor's grin fades slightly and something more dangerous flickers in his eyes. He steps closer, his posture aggressive, his voice dropping lower.

Victor:

"You think you're better than me, huh? You think you can keep that part of you locked away? You can't, Jimmy. Sooner or later the animal's gonna come out and when it does...you won't be able to control it."

Logan squares his shoulders, his muscles tense. For the first time, he feels a true challenge from his brother, not just in words, but in the air between them. The tension crackles and before either of them can back down, it explodes into their first fight.

Victor lunges, his nails sharp like claws and Logan recacts instinctively. The bone claws snap out from his hands and he meets Victor's attack with the same ferocity. The forest around them becomes a blur, as the brothers collide, their bodies fueled by the feral strength they both share.

[bestworstcase]

rolls over

yeah yeah, the ruby-salem grief weapon parallel, we've all seen it

salem offers up the staff as a votive to the god of darkness after telling him of her story and what she hopes to receive in return. he deems this a fair bargain and grants her wish; salem drops the staff at his feet and rushes to ozma's side. do ut des. this is an act of prayer, of worship. salem knows what she's doing—she's pious—and does everything correctly.

(including making an offering of something she must have put some serious thought into: she gives the god of grimm her most precious possession and a token of her suffering.)

and what she asks for in return is ozma's life. the staff was precious to her only in ozma's absence, because it represented her lost love. had the god of darkness answered no, salem would still be obliged to leave the staff in his domain—just as she left light his flowers, you don't take back an offering if the god's answer is not to your liking—and to part with it and walk away empty-handed would have been devastating. but the moment she sees ozma again, the staff means nothing; she lets it fall from her grasp without a thought.

she chose to make herself vulnerable to that pain, offering darkness her own heart as a fair sacrifice for the mere possibility of ozma getting to live. and he tells her to rise and see her faith rewarded.

<- faith.

ruby is in pain. ruby is grieving and boiling in guilt because penny died again and ruby could do nothing to save her again. the sword is all she has left of one of her best friends. and then she offers it up to the toy soldiers—who have come to take them to the red castle—in exchange for, er… being taken to the prince's birthday celebration so that she can present the sword as a gift.

why?

"look, we may not know exactly what's going on, but for whatever reason, this place is putting us on a similar path as a book we all read as kids. i say we follow it—and stop pretending we know what we're doing."

the consequence of this choice of course is that any emotional or spiritual significance this offering might have had is elided by the toy soldiers' grift and the red prince is a child who throws the sword away in a fit of pique: "how could you!?" ruby whispers, before swallowing that pain and stunting around in a scramble to keep the story on the "right" path.

<- fate.

rolls over again.

salem had faith. ozpin believes in fate.

faith is—asking. trying. communion with something greater than oneself. but to believe in fate is to believe in a single narrow path which must be followed no matter the cost because…because.

this is what "look how you've diminished" is about. how you've lessened yourself—and for what? ruby tears out her own heart in a futile effort to appease a spoiled child who kicks it away out of utter indifference—and for what? because the story said so. because she's afraid. because she doesn't know what else to do. she's lost her faith.

[cupcakeslushie]

Hello,

HOLLY SH*T (about the last update)

When Leo gets his memories back does he also remember those (f*cking)400 days?

How would Leo have grown up to be like, if his memories weren't taken from him? (would he have become kind of like Donnie?)

will he ever open up to someone about this?

Does he have some kind of triggers left from the experience, even though his memories wee taken from it?

I adore your work and Have a great week 😁

1. 🤗

2. So, Leo’s issues are like a leak in a dam constantly trying to be held back. Kitsune’s magic can suppress or manipulate his memories, but a lot still manage to get through. Hence the need for the repeated sessions, and then later the Empyrean, to act as a booster to her magic—as Leo has built up a tolerance over the years, making it less and less effective. Leo does remember some things. Unfortunately, every time he starts to ask questions, he’s been so conditioned to seek out Kitsune to ‘fix’ his mind and suppress his emotions. But some of his memories were impossible to erase completely. They followed him around like little shadows, haunting him, and his choices. Leo is not stupid. He more discerning than he let’s on, and like Saki said, fear can be a powerful motivator. By the time Leo’s managed to claw his way up to a better position, he’s been fed so many lies that he doesn’t even trust his own reasoning. It’s just easier, and less painful to follow orders, no matter what his brain is constantly trying to tell him.

3. Tbh Leo probably wouldn’t have been very different from how he is. Shredder is a lot more…calculating in his abuse of Leo, than Draxum was for Donnie. Draxum was so unpredictable and volatile in his abuse. Everything that Donnie tried to do better, never seemed to help lessen his torture. It was just pain for the sake of pain. Shredder may be a monster, but his abuse had a goal—to make a warrior he could puppet into killing Yoshi. Saki didn’t just provide constant trauma, he gave positive reinforcement when Leo did something right, and used careful manipulation to bend Leo over to his side. All Kitsune’s spell did was make it easier and faster. If Shredder hadn’t had magic at his disposal, then it would’ve just taken more time and effort to break Leo and remold him, or Shredder might’ve just cut his losses and killed him.

4. Leo doesn’t want to burden his brothers with things that have already passed, and that feeling only gets stronger after he’s been saved from the Dark Armor. He’s constantly insisting that he doesn’t feel one way or the other from those days. It happened, but he says he feels so disconnected from it all. Leo’s earlier return to his family had already been filled with so much fighting, thanks to his withdrawals when he was first brought home causing him to act so erratic. Leo thinks as long as he’s not shouting at his brothers, or trying to attack Splinter, that he’s dealing with everything pretty well. Obviously that’s bullshit. But he’s gonna do a lot of healing during his trip with Usagi.

5. Leo’s worst triggers are when his family is in danger. Those times are when he falls back into either total bloodlust, or a more ruthless mentality, in order to protect them. Leo getting recaptured and thrown back into a cell will be like a wave of memories and trauma hitting him at full force. Like I’ve mention in point 1. He never totally forgot certain things, but the months spent free of Kitsune’s influence makes his second capture so much worse. He’ll be feeling all that fear and panic unfiltered, for the first time in years, and he’ll be able to recall the true horror of it—not the watered down, warped simulacrum Shredder wanted him to remember. Which loops back to point 4 about Leo’s lack of admitting his feelings being a coping mechanism. Once he gets rescued, unconsciously, he’s trying to mimic the dampening effect of Kitsune’s spell, by insisting through sheer force of will, that everything is fine. He can only convince himself that he’s unaffected by everything he’s experienced for so long.

6. Thank you!!! I hope you have an amazing week as well!

I’m sorry if this is kinda rambling, all these ideas be more clearly implemented in the comic, (at least I hope lol).

I also can’t remember how long ago I’ve even talked about Leo’s memory problems in one of these replies. I might be totally backtracking cause I think I’ve said before his memory was wiped completely, but I’ve been thinking it would give more complexity to his choices, if it was revealed his memory was actually more intact than Mikey’s this whole time. Mikey brain just needed a little boost from Raph, because his issue came more from him being so young that things faded over time. With Leo, it’s like a battle where his brain is trying to latch on to what it can to fight the effects of Kitsune’s spell. So his memory may be full of holes and beaten with a stick over and over, but it’s still knocking around in Leo’s head.

[killthewhisperingart]

"It's Cold Without You"

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x reader

Word Count: 2,452

Summary: A perfect description of your psyche while your husband is gone, would be the color blue. When he leaves, he takes the warmth with him, dragging the color orange behind himself, only bringing it and the sunrise upon his return.

Warning(s): Angst and descriptive thoughts of anxiety and death

A/N: It's a little abrupt, but I really wanted to post something. And I also wanted to express a specific energy (my requests r still open)

I am an 18+ Blog.

The house is cold. Maybe it's the slow approach of Winter, or the fact that the heater was busted and you refused to call someone to fix it. But the house wasn't as warm as it usually was. You stopped using the lamps with yellow bulbs, instead opting for either the blinding overhead light, or no light at all. The curtains were perpetually drawn, closing your bedroom off from the world outside, closing you off from the world outside.

Everyday is the same thing on repeat, go to work only to return home. But no matter where you are, you're always miserable. When you're at work you want nothing more than to be at home, wrapped in a blanket of silence and warmth. Though, when you're at your house, you feel lonelier than ever, longing for the human connection of your job and coworkers.

It isn't always like this, the chill in the air. The chill that settles so deeply within your bones your teeth chatter, it isn't typically present. And you know why it's here, but admitting it feels colder than the wind that hits you harshly when you walk outside. Saying it out loud, or even thinking about it for too long makes you feel... shitty, for lack of a better word to describe yourself in your head.

You don't tell him the problems you're having. You especially would never tell him why you are having these issues. Because you know him, inside and out, and you know he'll feel guilty. But you also know yourself well enough to be aware of the fact he knows you just the same. He would so easily see through the facade you have created, look through the walls you've built up as if they were a window pane. This is why you've been dodging his calls, and why he currently thinks you are sick with the flu.

You simply wait, counting the days until he's home, begging time will move faster. And while you lay in bed alone, ponder on the idea that perhaps you're wasting your life. You know it's pathetic, the fact your existence is dependent on the presence of your husband. And you feel horrible, the codependency clawing its way up your throat. It's even worse when you remember you haven't always felt this way, and you don't know what's changed. You don't know why you can't seem to act like yourself when he's gone.

Well, perhaps you do know. You just don't want to admit it. You don't want to admit that you're terrified. You don't want to admit that every time he comes home complaining of a new ailment due to a painful ejection, you get nervous. That every call from one of his superiors, or even one of his colleagues, you have a shock of terror that has your heart beating out of your chest. That you only ever feel comfortable knowing he's alive when he's next to you.

When he's home, it's different. He doesn't realize he does it, but he chases the chill away. The nervousness that wraps itself around your ribs, squeezing until your heart constricts, it lessens. You find yourself distracted by the feeling of his hands on your hips, the pressure of his kisses against your skull, that it all disappears for a moment. But you know, as your ear presses against his chest at night, listening to him breathe, that the problem is still present.

"How do you feel about kids?" He asks one day, standing behind you as you analyze the paint samples for the bathroom after it's remodeling.

And your heart sinks, because you don't know. You don't know if you'd be able to handle a baby with him, let alone when he leaves. How would you be able to calm a crying baby when you consider yourself one when he's gone?

How would you be able to handle his death...?

You think about it a lot. The idea that he will fall to his demise the same way his father did, leaving the same trauma his dad left him, on the child you two have. But you don't know if you're as strong as Carole Bradshaw. You never considered yourself a weak person, but that's what he does. Bradley makes you weak, and you don't know if you'd survive his death. If you'd be able to go on with your life, go back to normal. You don't know if you'd be able to handle your own grief, not to mention teaching your child how to do so.

You don't give him an answer that day, and he lets it go. He's good at that; letting go. It was always something you admired about him, his ability to let things slide over him, continuing on easily. The only exception he had ever displayed, was his attitude towards Pete Mitchel, never letting that go. And you can't help but wonder if you'd do the same thing to your child. Would you hold them back? Perhaps beg Jake Seresin to pull your own sons papers because you'd be so blinded by the grief for Bradley, that you'd stop your own child from achieving his dream as well.

Today is a day like any other, the calendar is marked with a bright red heart exactly six days from now. You tell yourself the house will be clean three days prior to his arrival, and the Bronco will be washed the day before, and you will be presentable the day of. But for now, you hide within the comforter that his smell still lingers on. You've taken the week off, avoiding your job with a simple call that ends with a cough you and your manager know is fake.

Bradley is never early. He's a punctual man. He's never late either. He has a talent of showing up to things at the exact time as expected. And you adore this about him, because you're never nervous about when he'll show up. After ten years together, why would you ever think that would change?

He notices the house is darker and colder than normal. He softly drops his duffel by the door, removing his boots slowly before treading towards the lamp in the living room. And the home looks eerily different. He knows you're sick right now, but he questions the extent of it as he takes in the mess.

Almost all of the dishes are piled in the sink, definitely not the amount someone who has been sick for a little over a week would use in that time. His eyes move from the dishes to the rest of the counter, where mail is scattered. He removes himself from the room, drifting into the laundry room where what can only be your entire wardrobe laying haphazardly in front of the washing machine.

It's not that Bradley ever expected you to be the sole proprietor of the household chores, typically every task being traded between the two of you. But this was clearly out of character for you. He always came home to a spotless house, something he dearly appreciated. Internally he wonders if it's his fault, for coming home too early, but he can't help but be concerned.

His chest constricts when he walks into your shared bedroom to find you, curled into the fetal position sleeping. You look exhausted, even though you're sleeping. For a moment he forgets all about the fact that his back hurts, or the fact he's been wanting to sleep in his own bed for almost two months. All he can think of is you.

"Baby," He whispers, a hand softly against your shoulder. "Honey?"

You awake with a sharp intake of breath, heart beating out of your chest in a panic. Realizing it is your husband and not in fact a murderer, does little to quell your anxieties.

"Bradley?" You blurt, springing up. "What are you doing here? It's not the twelfth is it?" You go to reach for your phone, frustration leaking through your voice. "What are you doing home?"

"I came home early," He exhales, brows knitted in concern as you rush around the room. You're clearly distressed, pacing before you finally stop and run your hands down your face.

"Why?" You dare to ask, voice warbling against your will. "Why are you home early?"

"You sounded like you were really sick, and it was only six days-" He clenches his eyes shut before looking at you with his sad eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You aren't supposed to be home yet." You whisper, crossing your arms. Your face crumbles as you remember the state of the house, the state of yourself.

"Baby if you've been sick longer than you told me, we can go to the hospital," He stands up, stepping towards you. "Something can really be wrong-"

"You're not supposed to be home," You repeat, turning it into a mantra under your breath as you cover your eyes. You can feel the slow burn as tears erupt from your eyes, strong emotions wrapping themselves around you like an octopus around a crab. Faintly, you can feel Bradley's hands touch your shoulders, and the way he rubs up and down doesn't feel the way it normally does. His touch burns your skin, itchy and irritating in a way that makes you want to cry harder.

"Will you let me take you to the doctor?"

"Will you shut up about the hospital?" You hiss, your frustration coming to head as you explode. His hands pull away as you look at him with such venom on your tongue, you can taste it. "God! Why are you home?"

His face twists in confusion, then to his own form of irritation matching yours. He doesn't understand, and typically you'd feel bad because it isn't his fault. But he wasn't supposed to be home yet.

"I don't understand." His mouth is slightly agape as he exhales. "I thought you were sick, you weren't answering my calls, you haven't been to work in two weeks-"

"You called my job?"

"I was worried!" He shouts, and you feel itchy again. "I was worried about you! And evidently I needed to be because the house is a mess-"

This strikes a chord within you. The house is yours. Bradley and you share ownership of it, you bought it together, decorated it together, but it's your domain. Every detail is finalized by you, from the color of the floors to the oven you own. It's yours. And it hurts that he points out how you've mistreated it. It hurts on a deeper level that he thinks this. No matter how much you know it's true.

"Don't you dare talk to me about my house." You can hold yourself back, snapping back at him.

"It's a fucking mess!" He points out, and you know. You know it's true. "It's never like this so clearly something is wrong and I'm worried about you!" You don't know what to do, because you had everything planned out, you knew when things were going to be put back-

And he's home early.

You prided yourself on being able to hide this part of your life from him. Being able to disguise your pain behind a mask of stability, pretending nothing had changed. That you hadn't changed. But now that's all gone. He's taken a peak behind the curtain and now the entire illusion falls apart, like ashes between your fingers.

"I just want you to tell me what's wrong." His voice is lower now, and he knows you're avoiding eye contact. "You've been pulling away, and I'm worried."

You can't bring yourself to lift your eyes from the floor to his face, where you know his eyes are bright regardless of the hurt that paints them.

"Is it me?" He asks, bending slightly to try and put his eyes in your line of sight. "Do you not want me anymore? Us?"

"No-" You can see his heart break in his eyes as you look up. "It's not that. No, Bradley, it's not that." You step closer, harshly laughing at yourself. "It's the opposite."

"I don't understand, honey."

"I love you." You whisper, feeling warmer now as his hands slide to your hips. "I love you so much, there's no one else in the world I'd even consider replacing you with. And I can't imagine my life without you."

He watches you apprehensively, eyes darting to your hands and back up to your eyes.

"I'm scared." You finally let it slip, soft like a prayer, quiet like a secret. He tilts his head slightly, practically begging you to elaborate. "I'm scared, when you leave the house for work in the morning. I'm scared when you go on missions-" your voice cracks harshly. "My heart drops every time Mav calls me instead of you, and when someone knocks on the door."

"I don't..."

"I'm scared that you're going to die soon." You blurt, not missing the way his eyes widen.

"Baby, I'm not going to die-"

"Do you think Goose told Carole that?" You ask, knowing you're crossing a line. Tears blur your vision. "You can't tell me you aren't going to die because you are, and there's nothing I can do to stop it-"

The hug is abrupt, your face being pushed into his neck and your bodies close. You feel nothing other than Bradley, and you can't even bring yourself to apologize as your hot tears drip onto his skin and inevitably his shirt. Your fingers tighten around his back, desperate to have him closer because you don't think he'll ever be close enough unless you're beneath his skin.

You know this conversation isn't done, it's not tied neatly with a bow on top. You know there's an entire can of worms that inevitably will be opened. But for a moment you feel warm again. Heat bubbles beneath your skin, rumbling through your chest as you feel his heart beating against your chest. Reds and oranges fly behind your eyelids in a way that has you breathing easier.

As he silently pulls the both of you to the bed, he hugs you a bit tighter. The smell of him surrounds you in a thick layer, your skin buzzing beneath the feeling of his lips against your forehead. You whine as he pulls away, tucking you in like you're a child.

"We're not done talking about this." He whispers, looking down at you with his sorrowful eyes. "Not even close to being done talking about this."

"Okay," You say softly back, agreeing.

"But you should get some sleep," He advises with a crooked smile. "I'll be here when you wake up."