#but you trust ME
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
goatbeard-goatbeard · 1 year ago
Text
yes it’s very sweet that Aziraphale says “trust me” when Crowley is the one with the gun. yes Crowley (who helped invent physics) probably can aim pretty well when he focuses
but consider the comedy potential if Aziraphale was actually the one who handled dodging the bullet:
instantly turns “you can’t kill me, there’ll be paperwork” into a THREAT
makes all the “shoot past my ear” miscommunication metaphors even funnier because he’s snaking away on purpose to make sure it misses his ear
he still let it almost hit Mrs. H
10 notes · View notes
spyglassrealms · 2 years ago
Text
had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing
192K notes · View notes
geosb · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Wade discovered something new about Logan today
10K notes · View notes
bbbbbbbbatman · 5 months ago
Text
Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave
17K notes · View notes
itsbasil · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
this literally never stops being funny like dog they made starship troopers with the Baby's First Satire cranked up to 11 and these people are still fucking dumbfounded that the creators don't share their politics
16K notes · View notes
marxstradamus · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Kirk was a real one for this
18K notes · View notes
notherpuppet · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Alligator tears 🦌 🥲
The beauty of the pumpkin head joke is that the true joke is TELLING the joke to people.
For those who don’t know it, this is the joke:
A man with a pumpkin for a head walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims: “My god, I’m sorry, but WHAT happened to your head?”
The man sighs and says, “So I found a genie in a bottle who granted me three wishes…”
Bartender: “Ok, well what were the wishes?”
Man: “Well, my 1st wish was for 100 million dollars. AND I GOT IT!!”
Bartender: “WOW! Okay…what was the 2nd wish?”
Man: “For the 2nd wish, I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world to fall in love with me…AND I GOT THAT TOO!”
Bartender: “Incredible! So then…what was the 3rd wish?”
Man: “Now see…that’s where I really messed up…
I asked for a giant pumpkin head”
11K notes · View notes
theshadowrealmitself · 1 year ago
Text
I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
27K notes · View notes
o0kawaii0o · 8 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
no mercy 😭
12K notes · View notes
robosuta · 16 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
What if.....
5K notes · View notes
chloesimaginationthings · 1 month ago
Text
Tumblr media
The day FNAF Charlie Emily was shut out..
8K notes · View notes
starcurtain · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Please someone redraw this with Dr. Ratio and Aventurine because this is the exact vibe they have in my head post-Penacony.
8K notes · View notes
monsterqueers · 10 days ago
Text
Hey if people are thinking of 'stockpiling HRT' and you are doing it with Testosterone, be aware that is a controlled substance and doing this WILL GET YOU A FELONY CHARGE IF YOU ARE CAUGHT (and it would be very easy for this to happen through the way those posts reccomend).
Its your decision if you want to risk imprisonment (and then definitely losing hrt access), but be aware of the serious consequences- especially if you are recommending this to people!
If you do this with E, you get a slap on the wrist. If you do this with T its a felony. A felony charge deeply effects everything you do. Its not just hard to DYI T, its MANY TIMES LEGALLY RISKIER AND HARDER.
3K notes · View notes
qualityrain · 23 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
3K notes · View notes
everwalldigan · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house
Bonus:
Tumblr media
7K notes · View notes
cammy-mcspammy · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
My interpretation on how human bill came to be, ig? (ALSO SORRY, I MEANT DD&MD.. or idk how to abbreviate it)
5K notes · View notes