#but you trust ME

[goatbeard-goatbeard]

yes it’s very sweet that Aziraphale says “trust me” when Crowley is the one with the gun. yes Crowley (who helped invent physics) probably can aim pretty well when he focuses

but consider the comedy potential if Aziraphale was actually the one who handled dodging the bullet:

instantly turns “you can’t kill me, there’ll be paperwork” into a THREAT

makes all the “shoot past my ear” miscommunication metaphors even funnier because he’s snaking away on purpose to make sure it misses his ear

he still let it almost hit Mrs. H

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[chloesimaginationthings]

The day FNAF Charlie Emily was shut out..

[geosb]

Wade discovered something new about Logan today

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave

[itsbasil]

this literally never stops being funny like dog they made starship troopers with the Baby's First Satire cranked up to 11 and these people are still fucking dumbfounded that the creators don't share their politics

[marxstradamus]

Kirk was a real one for this

[notherpuppet]

Alligator tears 🦌 🥲

The beauty of the pumpkin head joke is that the true joke is TELLING the joke to people.

For those who don’t know it, this is the joke:

A man with a pumpkin for a head walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims: “My god, I’m sorry, but WHAT happened to your head?”

The man sighs and says, “So I found a genie in a bottle who granted me three wishes…”

Bartender: “Ok, well what were the wishes?”

Man: “Well, my 1st wish was for 100 million dollars. AND I GOT IT!!”

Bartender: “WOW! Okay…what was the 2nd wish?”

Man: “For the 2nd wish, I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world to fall in love with me…AND I GOT THAT TOO!”

Bartender: “Incredible! So then…what was the 3rd wish?”

Man: “Now see…that’s where I really messed up…

I asked for a giant pumpkin head”

[robosuta]

What if.....

[egophiliac]

absolutely flawless plan, everybody. great job.

[stemmmm]

scenario in which bill stops torturing him and takes the time to explain what the portal is in terms more detailed than "this will get you the nobel prize for sure" and "im going to destroy your dimension, dipshit"

[theshadowrealmitself]

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”

[o0kawaii0o]

no mercy 😭

[kyri45]

I need them to bond over daddy issues ok?

Also unpack your luggage guys, we're gonna stay in this scene for s WHILE.

Shadowpeach Bio Parent AU (PREV / FIRST / NEXT

Next part is coming on December 2nd, 1PM ET

[limonjarritos]

SHE HAS A PLACE AT THE TABLE, SHE IS THE VOICE OF ZAUN BUT AT WHAT COST

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!