#but you know me i have to..explain myself to people who didnt ask
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I want to end my unhealthy relationship with social media...that's kind of what the point of my "hiatus" was. cause over and over again being terminally online has caused me nothing but problems. Im trying to turn to other methods instead of talking stream of consciously online 24/7
But it's not easy when you've been doing it since you were like 12 years old. I've even thought about deleting this blog but I'm hesitant because it's such a sentimental thing to me, it's an archive of a huge chunk of my life
And without this I start to feel lonely. I have people I can talk to but they have lives, I can't bother them all day with every little thought I have. I know I can just write in notes app or a real journal. But a lot of it is wanting something like a human connection, even for 5 seconds before I delete the post
And I take advantage of being able to delete posts as if that deletes it from everybody's memories -_- it doesn't.
But you know I'm not even really having fun here anymore, it feels hollow now. I'm just still here out of habit. I think my plan now is to taper off until I'm mainly only posting art and maybe music and aesthetic pictures and whatever every once in a while. Sooo yeah.
#even this post im like...this is antithetical to your goal...just stop posting...#but you know me i have to..explain myself to people who didnt ask#idk if i delete my blog on a whim just dont be surprised
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im having the worst body day in a good while in terms of pain but i refuse to lay down. for there lies the road to the devil (mental health spiraling with nothing to distract from it). i SHOULD cook. but im not sure ill be able to with the pain. especially since the pain is because it feels like literally nothing is sticking together, like im much more bendy and hypermobile and useless than normal, which severely affects both motor skills and body strength. not to mention that this is causing a bad jaw day where so chewing is pain cause i already cant keep it in place and keep my mouth properly closed. i keep complaining but like, holy fuck i want off this illness ride
#i wanna paint my nails also but i dont need to i just feel like it and also thatd cause worse pain but also hhrhgghh#glitter................. sparkles.....#but also i wanna shower cause im cold but i wont be able to stand up right now AND handle potentially passing out#id like to not slip and injure myself if i can at all help it if thats not too much to ask...#man im typing and causing myself pain from it but like what else am i supposed to fucking DOOOOOO#GGRRREAAAAAAAAA#im struggling to comprehend how its NOT the norm to be like this#like what do you MEAN this isnt the default human experience. what do you mean there are people who are free from this#at first i didnt understand i was fucked up because everyone told me im overreacting and everyone has it#only to find out that no they fucking dont and ive been damaged beyond repair trying to reach other peoples ability level#like how do you NOT feel angry and bitter about that? i dont WANT to be but abled people sell you a fucking lie#and then punish you for noticing signs that somethings amiss. and then YOURE the one whos demanding for being burnt out beyond repair#and unable to pretend youre fine and just like them for their comforts sake. god im sorry im just so#i cannot explain this as anything else but an ongoing process of grief and trauma and mourning#and i want to believe in reincarnation solely so that i could have another chance at life#where im not sick and forced to continue giving up the only things that made this pain at all bearable in the first place#im sorry ill be fine or rather i HAVE to be fine because otherwise i dont know what to do with myself and thats crushing me from within#silvi talks#i need a tag for my stupid annoying whining about my fucked up flesh lmao
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getting deadnamed for the first time in 2 years is so weird
#it was a school thing#with. you know. legal name#which is FINE. ill COPE.#but the lady who handed them out didn't know me#i said my last name#she deadnamed me twice for it#like '[deadname]! here you go [deadname]' i was about to cry#its just so jarring?#most people here dont even KNOW my deadname so to have it be vocally spoken SUCKED#i mentioned to a few classmates that i was worried because of the names thing and they DIDNT KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT#i had to explain it to them. they didnt even know i HAD a deadname#of course right after i hand to hand in the files with my french teacher who is a Literal Angel so. you know.#'hi cody :D' almost started crying again shes so cool#i will NEVER forget how genuinely she remembered??#like a lot of teachers TRY. but i still get grouped in with 'ladies' or 'yeah you GIRLS' which i *loathe*#i like lady. actually. i call myself girl. sometimes. but when cis people do it it doesnt feel like calling me fun words#it feels like theyre misgendering me. so.#but my french teacher? literally took me as an example in one of the classes and wrote 'il' on there. no hesitation#someone asks 'huh but shouldnt that be elle' and she just 'no :)' I WOULD KILL FOR YOU.#'there are only girls in this room haha' 'no there arent' literally 300/10 would get gender euphoria again#personal#shoutout to the people in this school who aggressively gender me correctly but dont make a scene about it#its just . he/him in sentences. a little pointedly sometimes to try and get someone to Take The Hint#but never more than that
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wait my mc lore just dropped 🙀🙀
mc lore is here >.< fret not!!
they are a glorified self-insert i am shameless and will insert myself into my favorite media!!!
though she isn't a complete rip-off of me, maybe like 60% me
though i do love napco figurines
(edit: im so stupid and thought mx stood for mexican😭😭😓)
relationship charts!!!
caught mc on a good day!:
essentially means mc got a higher score than 60 on a test and just got a sweet treat.
feeling like contributing to society, she helps this rando return a phone.
seven:
both work with computers, he's just levels ahead of them.
inferiority complex kicks in til he starts helping her with assignments and omg im in love with this man.
likes his jokes and his robots are sooooo cool, "you think you can make one look like this? :3" insert image
calls him so he can practice his english and she can practice her korean.
the flirty banter really kicks up and they get their hopes up
gets butthurt day 8 when he turns them down.
jaehee:
desperate for female friends mc is overly-sweet and clingy.
jaehee is overwhelmed and explains in order for them to be proper friends time is needed.
they are now bonding over coffee beans and how mc brought some from her last Mexico trip
i WANT THEM TO LIVE TOGETHER SO BAD
yoosung:
misses her siblings so he's the closest to a little brother.
finds out guys don't typically like that when you tell them that, especially if they are older.
they make up and bond over their no-life life
trains in LOLOL for the next couple days bc DANG IT SHE WILL PLAY IN HIS LOBBYS!!!!
share shoujo recs
zen:
when he flirts at first, her heart flutters.
till jaehee gives her the warning, and atp jaehees word is bible
finds him silly but like in a older man kind of way
finds his costumes interesting and asks about the type of fabrics they use
during 707 route, she leans into the whole big sister zen and LOVES IT
jumin:
not too big with rich people and was quick to form an opinion
finds out ab Elizabeth and everything that they had thought gets thrown out the window WHAT A NICE MAN!
til shes asking about the area and he says something along the lines of "why move to a country you know nothing about? You are simply asking to fail. "
YEAH HES RIGHT BUT HE DIDNT HAVE TO SAY THATTT 😭😭😭
is bitter for the next 2 days before she gets over it
caught mc on a bad day!:
felt with the daddy issues (we cannot control our fathers we have nothing to do with our father's errors they do not define what we do or who we become we can disagree with them and still love them)
the professor was moving too quickly during class, her computer was working, she fell behind and her brain is fried. it feels like it's been happening more and more....honestly it feels easier just to rot in bed sleeping.
getting a random message just worsens her mood. "i cant even help myself and im supposed to help you?" rolling over to try to make sense of the class notes.
saeran:
got kidnapped and had their laptop open
"you follow me on github?"
mc BEGS for him to teach them everything he knows
ends up becoming an intern and moving their classes online
but wait...this guy is lwk kinda cute....
and he's taking the time to teach me??? >.<
blind to their situation mc follows instructions and fufills small tasks
saeran gives her badge "ID:10T"
cleaning his code to filling up the office waterbottle, all in payment for bootcamp-saeran™
V:
reminds her of a teacher she had once, ick
finds him to be kind of a doormat, but so is she
doesn't enjoy seeing how others might view her
(707 route bc i forgot to mention him there) can't help but feel sorry for him, she may not trust him but i mean cmon they can't help but feel bad dude lost his fiance and now seems like he can't keep his life together
rika:
again, desperate for female friends, but this one IS SO DIFFERENT
this is like when you make eye contact with someone of a similar group and you kinda expect automatic friendship but they are cold to you
mc is either ignorant of mint eyes operations or is slowly being indoctrinated, they don't meet rika very often.
they form a kind of bitterness towards her, rooted in her insecurities
"how can someone be so loved?" "how can someone just 'create' a world of their own" "whats so special about her, i'd be able to do something like that too"
by only hearing of her through saeran they feel so insignificant to her influence, it weakens them
#mystic messenger#mysme fanart#mysme#saeran choi#mysme saeran#mysme 707#707#saeyoung choi#mystic messenger fanart#mystic messenger 707#mystic messenger comic#mystic messenger mc#mystic messenger saeyoung#yoosung kim#jaehee kang#mysme jaehee#mysme yoosung#jumin han#mysme jumin#hyun ryu#mysme zen#mysme rika#mysme v#can you tell i dont really play v's route? ToT im sorry V fans :(#my mc
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when they joined vcs and played games with him on stream meanwhile they apparently were all icked out by him and thought he was a massive red flag but all he did was have fun playing his favorite games with people
going to cry myself to sleep this is literally me in highschool. being autistic in a world made for neurotypical people :(( thinking someone's your friend but they all actually talk shit about you and deep down you know the "red flags" are your autistic traits cause it feels like everyone was given a handbook on social rules except you. being a Dream stan is witnessing someone be bullied the way you were when you were just trying your best and having no power to protect them.
i think this is why it hits me so hard like i see myself in dream and understand how frustrating and confusing this all is. before i really thought him being an open nd creator it would change the way everyone treats nd people in general (with stimming, talking about his struggles with it AND medications, etc) but instead its been turned to normalizing ableism against someone and using their nd traits for their narrative that hes evil because of a reason everybody understands except for us apparently.
with dreams community consisting of a lot of nd fans its us just watching him get overloaded with ableism in tenfold and not being able to do anything about it because when you say "its because of his autism" YOURE the one they call ableist. when you try to explain why he said something a certain way they say "well he shouldve said it better". when you explain why he types essays to fully explain what he has to say they say "thats too much just get to the point". when he says only a few words they say "why didnt he say more than that". it is incessant nitpicking and asking someone (let alone someone who is nd) to be absolutely perfect to fit their own criteria yet no matter what he does is not good enough for them which causes every situation to end with only frustration on dreams part. they are not willing to fix any problems with someone who they dont care to understand
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the way you've used color for years has inspired me beyond what I can explain. I remember trying to pallet like you when I was 14 or something...I'm 22 now and I still look at your art across multiple different years to study how you've used color and try to understand like you do
oh man. well, I'm pretty terrible at responding to big compliments like this other than.... thank you!! I'm very flattered and it means a lot that you think so. make no mistake though I think I still have a LOT to learn about color and I'm always trying to improve myself and be smarter about it all.... a ton of trial and error goes on behind the scenes, I owe my life to the tonal correction and select color gamut functions lol. a huge part of it is being willing to experiment with colors that you dont even think will work together, or that arent even close to the color you were originally going to pick, but you have to try just in case.
personally I've found that I end up happiest with the colors in pieces where I stuck to fairly limited palettes, not necessarily very strict ones but the same general areas of color, yknow? like this
I also basically taught myself to color good as a teenager by drawing small and simple pieces with pre-made palettes, such as...
I would've been?? 16??? when I did these I think. not that I even said I was using pre-made palettes or credited the people who made them lmao. how times change
and I've also learned a lot from studying how color is used in older anime, especially ones from the 90s. evangelion in particular was a HUGE influence on my coloring and what colors I use the most (red and orange, lol).
I know you didnt exactly ask for advice but I wanted to give it anyway! I want everyone to use exciting colors and have fun doing it. just like, watch and look at a lot of stuff. not just my stuff. watch metropolis (2001) that movie has INSANE color blocking. watch the tatami galaxy as well. play mother 3. work until you get better at it than I am, that's what I want. and thank you again!
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They React To You Being Asexual
Dean, Sam, Castiel, Crowley, Rowena, Lucifer
(this is going to be a thing that I do regularly so request)
Dean Winchester
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The both of you have been dating for almost a month now. You weren't oblivious to the fact that Dean was a very touchy guy. He would go to bars and pick up women all the time before you came around. Maybe that's why you had a pit in your stomach. You go to dean who was in the main room of the bunker and ask dean if you could talk to him in private.
He gets up and walks into your guys's room. "what's going on. Something happen?" he asks and you shake your head. "no not yet. Uh I just thought I should tell you something" He sits down on the bed and looks at you. :alright what's going on?" you take a deep breath in and speak all in one breath "Im asexual. I know that you like sex which is not a fault but I just know i'm not going to be able to give that to you"
He asks you to explain it to him and when you do he nods and its quiet for a moment before he speaks. "babe this isn't going to change anything between us. You don't want sex. that's fine i can take care of myself if i need to. Don't feel bad" when you sit beside him hs places his hand on your thigh and you rest your head on his shoulder.
Sam winchester
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Your boyfriend was sitting on the bed reading when you entered the room. He looked so nice in the sweatshirt and sweatpants he was wearing. You were taking a moment to think about how you wanted to tell him that you were asexual.
Sam had never once made you feel as if you had to do anything you didn't want to do. If anything he was always cautious for first moves. your first kiss he leaned in slowly, making you close the gap. He also never really asked or initiated for the both of you to go any further beyond just kissing and cuddling. You had a feeling he knew which made you less nervous. "whets going on in that head of yours" he asks as he looks over at you.
You sit onto the bed beside him. "there's something I need to tell you" he puts his book down to give you his full attention before nodding. You take a breath before saying calmly "i'm asexual. I don't ever want to have sex with you. I should have told you sooner and i'm so sorry I didnt i was just waiting for the right time an-" You stop speaking because sam has placed both of his hands on the sides of your face and kisses your lips. "its okay honey, I have had a feeling that you might be and I still love you either way. Plus i have a lower sex drive than most people so you dont have to worry with me okay?" You nod and you cuddle up against him as he reads a little while longer.
Castiel
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You were sitting on your bed just thinking about how you were to tell your boyfriend that you were asexual. Your boyfriend had never really said anything about wanting sex or anything like that but it still made you nervous. You knew Castiel wouldn't break up with you because of it. So once you calmed yourself down a bit you prayed for him. "castiel I need to speak with you"
Wasnt even 2 minutes later and hes standing in front of you. "Theres something on your mind?" he asks and you nod. "yes there is. I just needed to tell you that if we are going to continue our relationship..there will be no sexual acts. Kissing and everything is fine but just not sex."
He looks at you for a moment before he takes your hand in his "That is perfectly fine. Angels dont need to have sex." you lean in and kiss his cheek and hug him
Crowley
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Crowley had been in one of his moods today. Your boyfriend was a very moody person. One thing could piss him off so because of this you were not looking forward to telling him about the fact that you are asexual. In fact you were thinking about not telling him. Not for a while anyways.
However when he walked into the room he could see the way you didnt come up to him to welcome him back like you always did. So he crossed his arms and looked at you. "what" you asked as you looked up at him. "What is going on? You arent acting normal" this caused you to roll your eyes at him. "when have I ever been normal" he shrugs but doesn't say anything else which makes you sigh.
You laid down onto the big bed you two shared. "Crowley I am asexual. That's why I haven't made a move to do anything more than kissing" He uncrossed his arms and lays down beside you. "really that's what's got you so weird?" nodding in response he rolls his eyes. "I'm a demon and have lived much longer than you have. You being asexual is the least of my problems. I want to be with you either way"
Rowena
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Rowena was doing some of her witchy stuff looking beautiful while she focused. You knew you shouldn't interrupt her but this was eating you alive. Your friends had been talking about their partners and how they were great in bed and everything else. You loved your friends of course but its started to eat away at you. That you couldnt and wouldnt give that to Rowena.
She was a woman and many women want that part of the relationship. That kind if intimacy and you were feeling awful about it. Rowena deserved an explanation so before you could talk yourself out of it you walked up to the table and took a seat. "Rowena Love" She looked up at you and when she noticed how you looked she stopped what she was doing. "what's wrong dear"
You let out a long sigh before explaining to her about what you and your friends were talking about and then you pause for a moment before speaking again. "I know that you probably want that and I cant give it to you. How could you possibly be happy like this" She places both her hands on the sides of your cheeks and kisses your forehead then your lips. "I am happy with you. There has not been a moment where I doubted us or my feelings for you. You are the one that I want to be with for the rest of our time here" She pulls you into a soft hug
Lucifer
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You had just walked back into your home and Your partner was sitting on his chair that he had claimed as like his "throne". He had been talking to a few other demons that worked for him and so you tried to walk quickly past them but he made you stop. "where do you think your going?" he wasn't angry he was just confused because you usually greet him when you come back home. You look at him "i'm going to our bedroom"
He could tell by the tone of your voice and your body language that something was wrong. So he quickly made the demons leave before turning to look back at you. "come here" you walked closer to him and he looked at you sitting up more on his chair. "what happened while you were out?" He was very protective over you and it was written all over his face. You knew he was going to find out anyways so you begin to tell him.
You tell him about how your friends were asking about how you and your boyfriend was. Asking how the sex is going etc etc. Lucifer nodded and was actually letting you finish speaking. "when I told them that. We don't have sex because i'm asexual they started judging me and everything." He almost speaks up but you cut him off "why do you stay with me. Lucifer I know that you have had many demons and even other angels in your bed before. Why stay with the one who cant give you what you need"
Lucifer looks at you as if you just said something in a language he didn't understand. He uses his power to bring you closer to him and then he stops and holds his arms out for you. Silently telling you to sit with him and so you do. You sit on his lap and rest your head on his shoulder. "I may have had others share a bed with me. But none of them have had such a emotional hold on me before. You are the one that i fell in love with. Don't ever doubt me or my feelings towards you." he says the last part with such a serious tone and all you can do is nod and let him hold you.
#river13245#fluff#male reader#gn reader#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#crowley#rowena macleod#lucifer spn#dean winchester x gn!reader#dean winchester x male reader#sam winchester x gn reader#sam winchester x male reader#castiel x gn!reader#castiel x male reader#rowena macleod x male reader#rowena macleod x reader#lucifer x male reader#lucifer x gn!reader#asexual#asexual fanfiction#supernatural fanfiction#characters react
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your art is genuinely cute and hot but you shouldn't treat your followers like that, man. responding everyone like everything is so obvious isn't the way you should treat the people who love you and your work.
maybe if you did a less confusing pinned post you wouldn't be that stressed out about people asking you things for the billionth time and getting your blog pixelated, just a tip.
I see your point, and I’m definitely working on being less reactionary when people don’t read the rules and all, and I totally recognize in the past my response has been frequently disproportionate
But really, here’s the thing. I post art online for fun. Yes it’s my job, but it’s also something I do because it’s fun. I had requests open near constantly for like an entire year, and that’s a service, you know? I said ‘hey, I’ll draw something for you guys for free, and the only rule is to read my clearly marked rules page’
And then they didn’t read the clearly marked rules page. And continued to not read the clearly marked rules page and that feels like. Really shitty! When people send in asks that go against my rules, I feel sad and disappointed that people didn’t at least check them before sending in an ask.
And then, after months of people doing that, and dozens of deleted rules breaking asks stacking up and people are still not listening to me, then it’s easy to have animosity to people who just genuinely didn’t get the memo. I like to consider myself a pretty patient guy, but you’d be as irked as I am if someone repeatedly prodded you on a topic you didn’t feel like talking about.
I feel bad for alienating people from my page but man you can’t come here and order sushi from my sandwich restaurant and then get an attitude when I get upset because you might not know it, but like the last 8 people in line before you all also asked for sushi from my sandwich restaurant and every single one left pissed off because I DIDNT HAVE SUSHI. WHEN I ADVERTISED THE FACT I DIDNT HAVE SUSHI. AND THEN SOME PEOPLE TRY TO ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT WHY I DONT SERVE SUSHI AND WHY I SHOULD SERVE IT.
Like to them, what they see is ‘I sent in an innocent ask one time and he blew up on me’. But what I see is ‘oh that’s the 12th tfp ask I’ve gotten this week and it’s only Wednesday, I’ve had enough, everyone leave me alone’ and yeah, it’s a bit immature of me, and I’m working on that
Going into this year I’m not gonna do the whole litany or explanation or anything like that, I’m just going to start deleting stuff more regularly, but I hope that explaining my side of things helps you understand my way of thinking.
And for the record, I don’t think my pinned post is that confusing. I made all the important links colour coded and a bigger font, it’s not that hard to find my rules.
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hello!!! if you’re up for this, can i request any genshin men with a reader who feels like a horrible person because of things they’ve done in the past? i have a guilt complex lmaoooooo (i say lmao but it’s agony) (PEOPLE IN THE CROWD WITH A GUILT COMPLEX PUT YOUR HANDS UPPPP)
also this is a complete side note but i think this concept would be especially interesting with wrio since he’s always in the fortress or meropide, seeing people who have done wrong everyday in the fairly normal system (by jail standards) they have down there
guilt | wriothesley x reader
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OH GOD THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY ASKS FOR A WHILE NOW IM SO SORRY MY NOTIFS ARE ALWAYS FILLED UP AND I DONT SEE ASKS ANYMOREEE T-T
angst w fluff at the end, soft!wrio, he’s comforting youu, gets a bit suggestive at the end, no pronouns used but reader is referred to as ‘my love’ and ‘princess’
it’s nothing to be concerned about really, if you were a criminal and probably rotting in the fortress of meropide for— archons knows how long, you would’ve just let your conscience be the death of you.
but you aren’t! your not sitting around and laying in the fortress of doom meropide, thank the archons.
though you can’t help but think if the seven are laughing at you, quite literally. your state isn’t so stable as it seems..
wriothesley, your partner, had called sigewinne ages ago to check on your health status. although it was all negative, the tests, the results, the examinations, all negative.
there wasn’t anything wrong with you, so why is there an aching pain in your stomach whenever your brain just relapses back to the past, the time where you had done such unforgiving sins, you couldn’t even do a whole statement word for word on what you had done to those poor victims.
one of them, someone special to you. someone special that you had lost because of your own carelessness, someone you had lost because you were being selfish, someone who you wished to cherish for a lifetime— though fate is mocking you unfortunately.
and the pain, the inkling pain deep inside that you cant ignore, it’s annoying. it’s frustrating. it’s … sad.
it’s a pity to see someone like you, a nice person who only wished to improve themselves and hope for a better future. yet it seems celestia didn’t approve.
your longtime partner, wriothesley, had been worried for you. ever since you met, you were always dozing off, not focusing, you looked uncomfortable yet he couldn’t pinpoint what was actually wrong.
it was starting to piss him off, really. the way you doze off when he talks to you, when you two spend time together and your too busy in your own little world to pay attention to him.
wriothesley had decided to sit you down, like what any partner would do when they encounter a misunderstanding or a mishap. communication is key after all.
he couldn’t ever forget the look on your face, the day where you looked at him with such pitiful eyes and regretful ones while he just stared back at you with a stern look.
he feels pity, wriothesley feels pity. someone like him shouldn’t, so what is this he feels?
“tell me what’s been bugging you for months, [name].” wriothesley takes a deep breath, then exhales as you sat there, fidgeting with your fingers. “i didnt get the chance to ask you back then, since it was your privacy after all, hm?” he spoke firmly, his voice laced with curiosity and the tone where he just wants to know the truth.
just tell him, it wouldn’t be so hard. he’s your partner after all, you have every right to tell him so. “[name], i’m doing this to help you. you’re someone extremely precious to me and i can’t help myself just seeing you look so lost.” wriothesley explains, sighing deeply as he waits for your response.
how would he react? he’s the all mighty scary wriothesley after all. he’s known to have less mercy and sympathy on others. why tell? you’ll just embarrass yourself, you thought to yourself.
but you couldn’t. you couldn’t keep a secret, especially towards him. if he was any other people, a stranger, you would’ve kept it till the end of your life. but he’s not just a stranger.
he’s your partner, your loved one, your everything. wriothesley is someone you can trust, someone you care for. is it really worth keeping a secret from him?
you took a deep breath, letting the air get past your nostrils. “i have.. committed alot of unforgettable things in the past, someone like you wouldn’t like. someone like you wouldn’t appreciate.” you confessed, looking down and avoiding your beloved’s longing stare.
wriothesley looks at you, tilting his head in confusion. you? doing things that he couldn’t possibly imagine? “ever since i’ve started to open up a new path to walk on, the guilt in my chest still pains me. it’s almost eating me whole.” you continue.
he smiles at you, not a happy smile, a faint sad smile. he’s quite joyful about how you were guilty, and not like any other person who wouldnt even feel the slightest bit of empathy to what they’ve done wrong in the past.
this is the [name] he fell inlove with. the honest, confident, firm, one. there was no denying that wriothesley was hopelessly inlove with you. and he finds it lovingly amusing.
“if you regret it, then it’s okay. you don’t have to be in debt of a thing you regret on doing. if you truly feel guilt, then it just means your improving and want to be a better person my love.” he smiles, standing up and walking over to your seat, crouching before you as you were forced to look at him.
wriothesley holds your chin, going up to caress your cheeks coated with a red flush. “it may be your fault or not, but there will always be a way to fight back the sins of the past. you can get through it, i know you can.”
“your the strong and confident lady i love after all, hm?” he says with a grin, which makes your already flustered enough face go even more red.
you smile tenderly as he continues to caress your cheek, you leaned into his touch as you hear him chuckle lowly. wriothesley stands up straight, his hand now on your head as he ruffles your soft and silky hair.
wriothesley smirks, a teasing one. which means he’s probably going to say something just to tease you and to lighten up the mood a bit. “besides, i’m the only one who’s allowed to eat you whole, princess.”
made by @seaadc and @seaadc only !!
laughinf bc i made this at exactly 1am LMFAOO (i’m mentally unstable)
#sea completes!#sea writes!#seaadc#requests open#genshin impact#genshin imagines#genshin x reader#genshin x you#genshin x y/n#genshin fanfic#genshin headcanons#genshin wriothesley#wriothesley#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley x you#wriothesley x y/n#wrio x reader#wrio x you#wrio x y/n#genshin impact wriothesley
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welcome back aj 🫶🏻 i missed you so much and i was in so much shock when you deactivated
you don't have to answer this but why did you leave?
i miss you guys too! i'll answer this ask and then get to the others later (im cherishing these deeply) since i owe you all some semblance of an explination...
i'll put it under the cut but i will warn you that i will be speaking about mental health and eating disorders briefly - i want to be open and honest with you all so we can start fresh and i can put this past year behind me and not explain it more than once - so no need to read if it makes you uncomfortable <33
when i took my break just before i deactivated, i weirdly felt obliged to keep posting anyway, like with my blog there and the one year anniversary coming up/5k followers, i was putting pressure on myself to just get over the rest i was taking and post. that was completely my bad and its a standard i set for myself - if you followed me last time, you'll know i posted almost every week or at least every month.
but i took the break because my mental health was at an all time low, i had so many horrible thoughts swirling around my head that i wont share, but they were bad, my ed has come back and i'm still working on it now icl, but esp then i was exhausted and running on empty - literally stopping me from doing anything. i would get up, go to work, come home and just try to find joy in anything to keep me going and at that time, writing wasnt one of those things. and that made me even sadder because i love to write, its been my happy place for years so...with my blog hovering over me, the pressure just got too much - plus pair it with the hate asks, death threats, and toxic environment that this site had become, i made the decision to just delete everything - no blog, no pressure.
i've worked on myself over the past month, therapy, medication, clinics are all in full motion and i cannot tell you how much better i feel. even just knowing i'm helping myself has completely turned me around and although i'm still struggling somewhat with everything, i feel like i'm in a good place to start doing what i love again.
i should have made this post before deleting my blog, and i'm so sorry that i didn't. tbh i didnt think anyone would notice or care this much 😭 i'm also extremely sorry to those who wished to finish my series' or recent fics - but i had to delete it for me to get past all of this. i will reupload eventually with slight revamps!
everyone has been so kind and i love you all so much, trust me when i say people have told me the posts and love you guys shared about my works and it really means something to me. now i'm taking this blog at a much softer pace, so i wont be posting as much, but i will try my best.
#aj talks#this is a fucking 'i aint reading all that' ass post so long story short#mental health - bad#now my mental health - tolerable#will answer the other asks tonight once i get this blog all set up <333
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are.you.an.angel..
I've been looking for AleNoah as dads my entire life man!!! You're like.. sent from above!!
..
wait how did they get MK then..
did Noah and Emma have MK then divorce, and then Noah gained custody..or is she just adopted..
I don't know if you mind me doing this but like,
I like to imagine :3.. that Aleheather broke up and Nemma actually got married but divorced so then MK is just like..there. Then boom Noah and Alejandro meet again and they're like "btw did you know in World Tour I loved you" "fr!? Me.me too!" "do you wanna get married" "yea!!!!"
yea. (I may have gotten Raj into the mix..bleh.)
Wow this is incredibly long sorry about that drink water and have a lovely day!!!!!
-⏰
OKAY I ACCIDENTALLY MAY IR MAY HAVE NOT MADE A CHART THAT EXPLAINS THE AU THANKS TO THIS ASK (IN MY EYES) !!
i personally dont like the idea of the women in the respective relationships abandoning the men to let them be gay w each other, esp since so many people that write similar things end up making emma just straight up abandon the family cause of stress. its way too convinient yknow, jst my opinion, and it makes emma look bad (which shes way too awesome) i think she would be very close w the mudaliar-burromuerto family but as a close friend/honorary aunt sorta way.
but your idea of the au is cool! i like it.
this is kinda of like a long answer to your question being like. how did they have mk.....
okay so.
how did they end up together? i inspired myself from a fic that is literally just noah being alejandro's only visitor in the hospital post-WT. they become friendly and, since the burromuerto family sees alejandro as an embarrassment for being too vulnerable and letting himself lose the million dollars in front of many people, leaving him being kicked out, they eventually end up moving together! its kind of a slowburn college romance if im being honest. and once theyre juniors/seniors in college, they end up getting together.
so. hooow do they adopt mk? since its from birth? wouldnt they be super young? EXACTLY
theyre young parents due to alejandro being pressured from his side of the family to at least get a child if he's going to keep being a failure. this hurts ale deeply and he genuinely starts to panic, thinking he should raise a kid as soon as possible. he manages to convince noah that its true baby fever and that they'll be wonderful parents, even though normally "ideal" parents marry and then have children.
they search for a while and eventually come across someone who was thinking of adoption whilst pregnant, and the three of them worked very hard to make it possible. so in 2007, MK is born, and adopted into the mudaliar-burromuerto family. (i do not know SHIT about adoption so i wont make much detail about it)
of course, not being married and having a child was also critizised, so they quickly married around a year or two later. (it took a while to cut the burromuerto family out of his life, but back then ale was very young and very easily manipulated by his family)
so, around 6 years later, they adopt another kid, which was already a year old, but who really didnt have a name. he was dropped off at an orphanage when he was around 6 months old, but he didnt seem to be registrated anywhere. ale n noah, curious, took on the role to foster care this kid and came up w a name for him, which alejandro chose, nicolás. they adopted him soon after
so yeah full story!!! may be susceptible to change!! wahoo!!
#my art#total drama#alenoah gay dads au#td noah#td alejandro#alenoah#td alenoah#td mk#td mk's brother#yeah a bit unwell about this au
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You don’t deserve the car you have if you can’t even take care of it. You got that shit from daddies money whilst there’s people who actually work for their property. Such a shame another rich girl unable to care for things other people would kill to have. Really makes you reconsider who you follow and support.
i naur i dont have to explain myself and i kind of fell for the rage bait but i worked overtime for 6 months straight to afford the down payment of my car… i clocked in at 4 am till 330 everyday for 6 months straight and worked every saturday to afford a car because i didnt have one and im not ungrateful in any definition of the word i worked extremely hard for the car i have and its not even a “luxury car” its a mazda but i wanted it so i worked my ass off to put money down on it i pay to maintain it and stupid shit like hitting a deep pothole happens to ANYONE. whether u have a hoopty or a porsche i dont ask anyone for money i dont ask for handouts i pick up overtime shifts to pay for things if i know i wont have enough in my check to pay my bills and also the extra expenses i have. i know this is to piss me off but i did it all by myself with no help and no money from anyone else and i am extremely proud of myself
#if u don’t want to follow me anymore cus i hit a pothole i understand 😭😭😭😭😭😭 like what r u even talking abt#also i’m not rich ? at all? i work for my money i work 9 hours a day in a dirty factory
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what is ur beef with trsmp? genuine question because i haven’t personally seen any problems with it (not a fan either but that’s just cuz it hasn’t grabbed me yet)
(also sorry if i sent this ask last night or something. unless i didn’t do that. i might have dreamt that)
going to preface this with this is a matter of my own opinion. i know theres trsmp fans here hiiii mutuals so take this with a grain of salt guyssss
i watched since day one and kept up with the server a lot so something that i immediately disliked was the actual system used to level up. i felt it was incredibly boring to watch. this is something i expressed since the first few weeks of the server as someone who was watching it consistently. it really does get boring and never gets better content wise
initially the server was advertised as being fully chill with like a minimal amount of rp, if any at all. this was expressed a lot by cc’s on day one explaining the server to people. and now its completely about rp. which is personally annoying as i was looking forward to a server where cc’s could interact and chill.
the actual rp, again, this is my opinion, is aggravating. i dont find divisions like this in servers to ever play out in a satisfying way and it always ends up with just negative feelings while watching. whether that be becoming annoyed at other teams and so forth. kinda takes away from the whimsy of watching the server when it just causes bad feelings.
now additionally to me just not liking the rp overall the whole idea of the factions event is so beyond bad. i get what tubbo and his team were going for but the weekly tasks and splitting people up just isn’t fun! and i acknowledge that for some people this is very fun! but i dont like it myself and how the factions event basically fueled this rival bit between foolish and bad and led to whatever the rp is now and all the. “sides”
more on the factions event i cannot understand why when the new players joined as red tubbo wouldve wanted all the other factions to work in unison against red. when clearly that is so so unfair towards the red faction, as new players who were completely under prepared compared to players who’ve been playing for a month now, i think the whole factions event is very stupidly planned which ig makes sense considering how fast tubbo cooked up this server. i also dont understand why tubbo would think people would work together when green and yellow were already majorly beefing. it just feels like poor planning and decision making.
now getting more meta i dont like this type of rp and factions event because have you seen the state of the fandom on here? quite literally another qsmpblr purgatory moment where everyone thinks their faction is the correct one and everyone is being passive aggressive and people are getting unnecessarily heated over minecraft again. where is the fun in that? when i started noticing this behavior i sorta stepped away from the trsmp i dont watch it daily or very much anymore. yesterday being the exception where i tuned in to tubbos stream for an hour before leaving again cause rp stuff was happening. i just despise these type of events because it takes a perfectly fine group of individuals and turns them into what i can only compare to toxic sport fans and its not nice to see or nice to read posts that are so rude. i know some people love drama and conflict and discourse in fandom but its personally not my thing.
and also every discourse that comes out of this server is so minuscule but people get so so pissed about it and its like okay please chill. calm down its not that serious. stop interpreting everything in such bad faith.
i didnt like the snails decision. which if u dont know theres admins who play snails who follow players around and can take their levels if they get too op. i was more okay with the idea when it was initially meant to be One snail following whoever had the most levels on the server. despite that being stupid it was funny so i was okay with it but then it became heres a snail for everybody. and oh look you can name them and some have accessories and this ones a butterfly now and etc etc. and i dont like that. history repeating itself and all that shit.
i dont like how the admins seemingly side with certain people and groups on the server.
i dont like how certain people keep getting nerfed and whilst i understand the reasoning it truly sucks any fun out of the server and makes it harder for the cc’s to make content they want to make on the server.
and personally i think maybe some cc’s need to have a sit down chat perhaps and discuss what is okay or not cause sometimes its evident theres a lot of miscommunication and people getting upset etc etc.
so thats my explanation. Now to be clear if roier ever got added i’d most definitely watch the server again. as is the life of a tripoier.
i do think the server has good things like the cc’s themselves especially when theyre just chilling and having a good time without the fuck ass rp.
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K̲̅e̲̅e̲̅p̲̅i̲̅n̲̅g̲̅ S̲̅e̲̅c̲̅r̲̅e̲̅t̲̅s̲̅
🎀 Damiano × reader
NSFW 🔥 smutathon, adults doing adult stuff
° Damiano David/female reader insert
° you gotta know I need it, tired of losing by Keeping Secrets ||| things change between you & your longtime friend damiano when he makes a cheeky comment at a party, you cant help reading into it [based dec 2020, lets not talk about the pandemic]
wordcount::. 19,684
° commissioned by lore (@lifeofa-fangirl) 💋 i have thanked you profusely& i will continue to thank you. thanks for sticking with me through this extended process& for believing in me when i didnt believe for myself [commissions are temporarily closed]
° lyrics stolen from madison rose & kandy
° [ITA:] bella: pretty
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Shooting stars crash, crack and collide In the shadows we come alive Rub your skin on my skin to ignite Burn it down baby, let’s play with fire
“This guy!” Rachel exclaimed, instantly louder than what you had been saying to Damiano. “This is exactly the guy that I’ve been waiting to see.”
You had heard similar things said to him during the couple of hours since arriving at Taren’s Christmas party. You wondered if it was tiring for him, having so many people paying him attention and expecting it back. In the two years that you had known him, he had been gradually becoming more in demand, gaining more-and-more momentum with his band. The level of fame he had achieved had changed how people in your group of friends saw him. Not everyone, but enough that you had noticed.
The only thing that it had changed for you was how much time you got to spend with him - success meant a very full schedule. But he was still the same guy to you. He was the guy that you had almost shared a kiss with on four different occasions. He was the friend that loved superhero movies just as much as you, the two of you going to the cinema whenever something new came out. He was the one guaranteed to laugh at your jokes, when others seemed to not hear you.
Your little crush on him was your secret and to remain as such, because you couldn’t compromise the solid friendship that you had. Hours spent together laughing, unprompted text messages of support, all of those things were just as good as being his girlfriend - or so you told yourself.
You knew how to handle your friendship with him (you’d had a lot of time to practise that). A relationship was a swift way to surrender any control. And you needed control, you clung to it, because you saw how badly things went when you didn’t have it.
Before turning to the enthusiastic Rachel, he made a subtle gesture to you. Your shared code for put a pin in it. He wanted to hear the end of your rant about your job.
Rachel hugged each of you in turn, but it was only a one-arm embrace. Her other arm was occupied by a sizable plastic container, the contents concealed by wrapping paper. You exchanged the polite pleasantries.
“You were waiting to see me?” He asked.
“Rum balls.” She said concisely.
“What did she just call you?” You joked, seeing the confusion on his face. That was a feeling you were currently sharing.
She removed the lid from the container and held it out so you could each look inside. There was a collection of the brown and white bite-sized treats. You recognised them as something of a Christmas tradition, but you sensed there was more context eluding you.
But Damiano appeared to have figured out what was going on. “Right, rum balls.”
“Last year when I made them, he complained.” She started to explain to you. “He said I hadn’t used enough rum, so they weren’t rum balls, they were just ‘sweet balls’.”
You theatrically rolled your eyes. “You would say sweet balls, wouldn’t you? You’re always bringing balls up. And in public, too? Where’s your sense of decency?”
He played along, furrowing his brow. “Decen-... who?”
“Yeah, maybe there’s still time to add that to your wishlist for Santa.” You said.
“I called them sweet. I didn’t say they were gross, or anything.” He told her. “I was just expecting more of that rum flavour.”
She held the container closer to the two of you. “That’s why I did them differently this year. There’s definitely enough rum in these.”
Neither you nor he immediately moved to pick up one of the treats. It was a well-shared fact that Rachel wasn’t a good cook. Not due to lack of trying or ambition. But the little hobby she pursued more often than not produced results that didn’t taste as she hoped. She couldn’t get the heat of the oven perfect, or she had to substitute an ingredient with something not mentioned in the recipe. She always found a way to make chicken dry - no matter how she prepared it, or what she paired it with. At group dinners, her dish was usually the only one with leftovers.
But she always tried again. She took the good-natured teasing for what it was, proceeding forward with the goal of one day proving everyone wrong. Victoria played her ‘fussy eater’ card to avoid trying Rachel’s creations. But she could typically get some friends to eat the food out of pity.
“So, you found a new recipe to follow this year?” You asked, your hands kept at your sides as Damiano tentatively plucked one out.
“No, the same recipe. I just did my little alterations, working off of his constructive feedback.” She said, seemingly filled with optimism and pride.
Even though you were feeling uncertain, you knew that you didn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings. You picked up a coconut-covered sphere as he was slowly raising his to his mouth.
“Mmn.” He was enthusing as soon as the dessert touched his tongue. He smiled as he began to chew. “It’s good.”
She perked up onto her tiptoes. “Better than last year?”
“Yeah, I think-...” His swallow was slow, almost as if it required extra effort. You hesitated from eating yours, watching as his eyes grew wide. “Oh, yep, there’s- there’s the rum. That’s more rum than last year, for sure.”
You were quickly understanding his choice of words, tasting rum, and then even more rum with every bite. You felt the texture of the shredded coconut, but you couldn’t taste its sweet flavour. Likewise the taste of the cocoa had been drowned out. The tang of the alcohol filled your mouth, overpowering to a degree you hadn’t been expecting.
It was like swallowing the contents of a shot glass - and you had never been a fan of shots. The dry flavour seemed to coat your throat. But you forced a smile onto your face, stifling your dislike of this taste as she looked for your reaction. She genuinely wanted to feel like she had done a good job and you couldn’t stand the thought of taking that from her.
“Ooh, yeah. That’s very rum-y. I think he’ll have to try harder to find something to complain about with these.” You said before suddenly spurting through some small coughs. You kept smiling as you reached for your glass of water. “Sorry, the coconut just tickled my throat a little.”
“Ray.” Taren said, getting her attention. “Come on, Keith is waiting to hear how terribly that mechanic ripped you off.”
“Right, let me-”
Before she could begin to turn away, Damiano surprised her (and you) as he grabbed for the container of rum balls. “Leave these here with us, will you? I don’t think I’m finished with just one and I’m lazy so I want them closeby.”
“Yeah, I was definitely planning on having more.” You lied.
She relented, transferring the food to his hands. She appeared pleased as she walked away with Taren, heading to a different area of the expansive house. You greedily gulped down more water, wanting to rinse the taste from your mouth. He quit smiling as Rachel left from your current view.
“What’s your plan, dude?” You asked. “Because I have no intentions of helping you eat those. I already feel like I’m over the legal limit, and that’s from one.”
He wasn’t eating more as he turned to you. “I had to do something to keep her from inflicting these on anybody else. And what if she offered them to someone more blunt than us? That could ruin the whole party for her- that’s not really in the spirit of the happiest season.”
This was one of the qualities that made Damiano a great friend: he wanted everyone to get a win. He was always there when somebody needed a cheerleader, boosting them and encouraging them forward so passionately.
“You’re very sweet.” You said.
“As sweet as balls?” He asked with one of his trademark mischievous grins.
You acted as if you hadn’t heard his joke, or noticed how handsome his smile was. “But you’re not gonna get me to eat those.”
“I think I could.” He said. “Come with me for a second.”
You didn’t resist, even though you had no idea what he was leading you to. It could result in trouble, his plans had ended that way more than once.
He carried the dessert with him, heading inside from the patio. You followed along, taken into the spacious basement. This was set up as something of a game room: featuring an air hockey table, a dart board and a large TV with various gaming consoles hooked up to it. There were some people relaxing in this area, but he didn’t stop to chat with any of them, he was set on his mission.
He walked directly over to the air hockey table, which wasn’t currently in use. He spun around, allowing you to see the smile still fixed on his face. He wasn’t distracted in the slightest, his eyes completely focused on you, which brought up the beginnings of feelings you didn’t want to address.
“Beat me and you don’t have to eat any others.” He said. “But if I win-... well, maybe you don’t wanna think about that.”
“And what if I just don’t agree to play?” You asked.
His smile didn’t slip, he didn’t see this as a true threat to his plan. “Oh, you mean if you forfeit? Well, I suppose I would just leave the rum balls here and hope someone else feels like being a good friend to Rachel…”
He was banking on your competitive side being activated. He had seen on countless occasions how much you loved to win at any kind of game or contest. He knew how difficult you found it to walk away if there was a slight chance that you could win, and he was exploiting this.
And you were letting it happen, wearing a smile to match his. Because who else were you going to hang out with? There were no other friends that you would prefer to spend time with. You knew that the best fun of the night would come from him and you weren’t done soaking up his company.
“Alright. The winner gets the most points out of seven games?” You said, going over to one end of the table.
He set the rum balls down closeby, then took up his position at the other end. “Uh-huh.”
You turned the table on, activating the miniscule air vents that covered the surface. The puck was placed inside of the painted circle, the middle point of the rectangular table’s length. You each collected your circular paddles, which weren’t much bigger than the palm of your hand.
“Ladies first.” He offered and you acted quickly, hoping to catch him off-guard. But this didn’t work out, with him ready to send the puck flying your way before it could get too close to the goal.
You kept going, striking the puck from different angles. You hit it so hard that it flew across the table at an impressive speed. It moved too fast for him, slipping past his paddle and into the little recess that served as your goal.
“Ladies first indeed.” You boasted, wearing a bigger smile now.
You almost forgot about everyone else in the room as you focused so intently on the game. You couldn’t look away for a second. Your mind rushed to come up with tactics, needing to come up with the key to winning.
And you succeeded - earning six goals to his singular point. You did a little happy dance while he accepted his defeat, that spectacular smile leaving his face. He ate another rum ball and with Rachel out of the room, he didn’t fake any part of his reaction. Instantly he grimaced, seeming to labour through each bite. He shut his eyes as he swallowed, all of the joy gone from his expression.
“Bloody Hell, I’m not sure that she left any rum for the rest of the world. It’s all in those little disasters.” He said.
“Why did you say they needed more rum?” You asked.
“Because that was the only thing I could think of to tell her. And I thought she would add an extra teaspoon or something, not an extra ten litres.” He said.
“Well those ten litres are all for you, my friend. Because I’m just getting started on my winning streak.” You said.
He stepped up to the table’s edge, wrapping his fingers around the paddle’s handle again. “We’ll see about that.”
You won the next set of games as well, feeling your cockiness swelling up, even though he had improved, gaining three points this time. His suffering added to your victory and you let yourself get carried away with it, laughing with the malice of a Disney villain. He scrunched his face up even more, adding extra drama to his reaction to this serving of the dessert.
The trash talking started with the next round, each of you enjoying getting invested in this contest. You gleefully teased one another, your words selected to get laughs, not to incite any actual hurt. This became a playful contest, each of you trying to find the most outrageous thing to say. You mangled one another’s names, adding extra syllables so the word loser could be incorporated. There were times when you were too distracted by laughing that he could sneak the puck past you, scoring more than a few points this way.
The teasing only got louder after Ethan had followed through on his offer of getting each of you drinks. This was your third glass of alcoholic eggnog tonight and you were enjoying the buzz you had developed. You didn’t often drink, but when you did you liked the fun-loving side it brought out of you. You got looser, forgetting about those responsibilities that plagued your days.
It didn’t take long for the eggnog to disappear. You used its far superior taste to rinse your mouth after losing and being forced to consume more of the rum balls.
Their intense flavour wasn’t getting any more appealing. So you concentrated harder after every loss. You began trying to fake him out, moving like you were going to hit the puck from the right, only to actually strike from the left. But this only worked a couple of times, the rest he could easily block.
“That’s, like, the third time you’ve done that.” He noted when you came in too strong with your paddle, sending the puck into a momentum that launched it over the raised frame of the table. “You’re getting too aggressive.”
“Boo-hoo. I lose that point every time it happens, so it’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. It just happens.” You said, leaving collecting the puck from the floor up to him.
“I don’t know if losing the point is doing enough to discourage you, maybe we need a harsher penalty.” He said as he returned the puck to its starting point.
You narrowed your eyes as you looked at him. “Like what?”
“You hit it off the table and you lose the point, but you’ve also gotta eat a rum ball.” He said.
“What? That’s a bit of overkill, don’t you think?” You responded.
He smiled as he pushed the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt further up his forearms. “Don’t knock it off the table and it won’t be your problem.” You rolled your eyes as he grabbed the top of his paddle, returning to his less-relaxed stance. “Alright, we’re at a draw of three points each and it’s my serve.”
You gripped your paddle tightly, not thinking of any funny things to say as you clenched your jaw. He hit the puck in your direction and you tapped it back, not following through with all of your power. He moved to the right, ready to knock it away from his goal. It zipped across the table, quicker than before. You were getting into position, anticipating where it would travel to after ricocheting off the side.
But its speed continued, launching the disc over the frame and onto the ground. Instantly you started to laugh, especially tickled by the way his face fell. He was silent as he grabbed the puck from the ground, then he went to the container of Rachel’s dessert.
“Don’t knock it over the side and it won’t be your problem.” You quoted him, deepening your voice in your effort to imitate him.
He frowned as he ate another rum ball, apparently he was struggling just as much as you were to find anything to like about them. He dusted the excess shredded coconut off of his hands before walking back over to the table.
“Hang on. Aren’t you forgetting something here, dude?” You brought up, successfully getting him to pause. “That’s a point to me, four to three- you lose this round. You have to eat another one.”
He complied without any enthusiasm, but you were grinning the whole time. He popped a rum ball into his mouth, chewing it unhappily. He visibly shuddered as he swallowed it, poking his tongue out to further express his distaste.
He had a couple of mouthfuls of water as he returned to his position opposite you. “Alright, get ready to pay for that.”
“Ooo, I’m so scared.” You mocked. “My serve.”
You proceeded through more rounds, wins shared mostly evenly between the two of you. From time-to-time different people came over to watch, Victoria was very excited over the prospect of him losing. Rachel didn’t appear in the room, allowing you to keep torturing one another with her food.
“I think we should call time.” You said before a new round could begin - even though you weren’t sure how long you had spent playing. Time could behave strangely when you were around Damiano. Hours could pass under the guise of minutes, leaving you feeling like you needed more.
“Aw, do you need a break from getting beaten?” He mocked. This façade was immediately dropped. “Actually, I was so close to suggesting that myself. I don’t think I can physically eat one more.”
You looked into the container, your hands held behind your back as you surveyed what remained inside. “We ate at least half- maybe more. She’s got to be pleased with that. I would say we were way more generous than just having a pity nibble.”
“Yeah, but at what cost to ourselves?” He asked, overly solemn.
You agreed that some fresh air was necessary. You could feel how ruddy your cheeks were as you stepped back onto the patio. You considered whether your current state could be categorised as tipsy. You sat down on one of the padded benches, but he didn’t join you.
“I’m gonna get us some water.” He said and you were quickly nodding along to show your support. “And some kind of something to eat to soak up the rum- a bit of it.”
As he was leaving through the door, he passed by Thomas, the guitarist walking in the opposite direction. He came over to where you were sitting on your own, greeting you with a smile.
“Hey, I feel like I’ve barely seen you tonight. Where have you been hiding?” He asked.
“Oh, I was with Damiano.” You said and the way his eyebrows jumped up couldn’t go unnoticed. “We were playing air hockey.”
“Is that what we’re calling it these-days?” He asked, lightly nudging your side with his elbow.
“What? We really were.” You defended, your voice getting a little louder as discomfort trickled in.
“Are you sure? Are you sure that you didn’t meet under the mistletoe, and that’s why you were missing for hours, and why your face is all flushed?”
You didn’t know how to handle your friend’s scepticism at first. “Is there mistletoe? I haven’t seen it.”
“Nice deflection.” He said, still wearing that sly smile.
“I promise you that we were just playing air hockey.” You told him sincerely. “Ask Ethan, he saw us.” Unfortunately for you, the drummer was nowhere in sight. “Or if you wait for, like, a minute, you can ask Damiano himself when he gets back.”
“It’s okay, I’m not genuinely going to call you a liar.” Thomas said, trying a different approach. “I just wouldn’t be surprised if you guys did sneak off to be alone.”
“Really, why?” You asked.
“Sometimes there’s a vibe between the two of you.” He said.
You furrowed your brow - was your secret crush on Damiano a lot less secret than you were aware of? “A vibe between us? What kind of vibe?”
Thomas shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, a vibe.” Him adding extra emphasis didn’t help you gain any clarity.
“A vibe? Oh good, I was worried you would be vague about it.” You sarcastically quipped.
You didn’t get the chance to get any more information out of him. Instead you were swiftly trying to act inconspicuous as Damiano made his return.
“You’re going to be really happy with me, dude.” He told you, both of his hands were very full. “I found a little stash of dinner rolls for us.”
“Is that to help you get your energy back after all of that air hockey?” Thomas asked, apparently not done with stirring the pot.
“Oh, she was bragging about all of her victories while I was gone, was she?” Damiano asked.
“No.” Thomas said, turning to look at you. “Did you beat him?”
You smirked after being handed a cup of water and a few small bread rolls. “Of course I did.”
“We were pretty even. It’s not like you were wiping the floor with me.” Damiano defended.
“You take my seat, man. I’m gonna go see if I can find that mistletoe.” Thomas said, standing up.
“Mistletoe?” Damiano repeated. “Who do you need that for?”
Thomas patted him on the shoulder. “Maybe I’ll hang it above my ass, just for you.”
Damiano grinned. “Hell yeah, I was hoping I would get lucky at this party.”
Instead of responding with another joke, Thomas just shot a look in your direction. You thought the smile on his face was saying more.
But he didn’t cause any trouble for you, waving as he departed. Damiano sat down next to you, apparently oblivious as he bit into a bread roll.
“Thanks for getting the food.” You said after having a gulp of water.
“You’re welcome.” He replied casually. “You know you only got so many wins because you kept topping the puck, right?”
You knew what he was referring to, using the flat bottom of a paddle on top of the puck to halt it, gaining control of its momentum. But you didn’t know why he was bringing it up.
“I was not.” You said.
“Dude, you were.” He said.
“If I was doing that- if- why didn’t you call it out when I was supposedly doing it?” You asked. “I never topped, and you can ask all my exes, they will confirm that fact.”
The words had slipped out of your mouth. Your cheeks immediately filled with a hot blush as you mentally scolded yourself for your lack of impulse control. You blamed the alcohol in your system as you covered your mouth with your fingers. You wished you hadn’t said it, and you didn’t know how to play it off.
His eyes lit up. “Oh, is that how it is?”
You began shaking your head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“What? Why? It’s not like I’m judging you for your position preferences.” He said.
This didn’t help you to stop blushing. Was he thinking about it, or picturing it in any way? You didn’t know what you wanted the answer to be and you were finding it difficult to meet his eye.
“Thanks. It would be pretty awkward if you unfriended me just because I'm a bottom.” You said, finding a way to joke through this.
He laughed. “As if.” You dared to look up at him again. “The reason I'm gonna unfriend you is for you topping the puck.”
“I was not!” You burst out, your indignation making him laugh more. “If you saw it, you should have said something.”
“I'll have to remember it for next time we play.” He said, his laughter stopping. “Oh, I’m an asshole. I totally forgot that you were in the middle of telling me about that friction at work, with what’s-her-name.” He said. “That’s my bad, dude. Did you wanna tell me more about that, her being overbearing as Hell?”
Sumia seemed like a safe topic to move onto - you could get back to how you had been communicating earlier, when you had been at ease, your feelings seemed less unavoidable then.
And your co-worker gave you a lot to vent about.
“I don’t know how much more patience I have for her and her telling me how to manage my team.” You said.
“Why does she think she’s your supervisor?” He asked.
“Beats me. Supervisors make more money, so maybe that’s what she’s angling for.” You said. “It’s like she’s trying to prove that she can do that job, by supposedly helping improve how the lab runs. But there’s no indication that the boss has that kind of promotion to give.”
He had finished eating, crossing one leg over the other towards you. He rested his elbow on the top knee and then held his chin in his hand as he listened to you. “Maybe she’s into manifestation.”
“Maybe she’s a jerk.” You said, grateful when he let this pass without pointing out the immaturity of trying to make this part of your argument. “She’s a shadow, a really terrible shadow. It’s like she’s always waiting for me to slip up. Instead of doing her actual job, she watches for me to do something that she doesn’t agree with slightly, so she can run off and tell everyone I’ve been naughty or something.”
“Well I hope she’s not in touch with Santa.” He said, surprising you out of your train of thought. You cocked your head to the side as you looked at him, too perplexed to speak. “‘Cause naughty girls get punished by Santa, you know.”
The image surged into your mind - too fast and too powerful for you to fend off. Your friend wearing only a Santa hat, calling you naughty. The word punish posed so many possibilities and your mind wanted to explore them, your heart already racing just as your thoughts were.
Your eyes had grown wide and you could feel the revealing blush in your cheeks again. It felt like your mouth was stuck shut as you willed this increasingly-detailed fantasy from your brain.
You didn’t have to be speaking to give him a response he wanted to observe. His eyes remained on your face, watching the changes in your expression - which were beyond your control. A smile was beginning on his mouth as you were scrambling to keep yourself together.
“This isn’t the reaction I was expecting. You’re looking a little shocked.” He said.
“Am I?” You asked and an attempt at clearing your throat brought on some coughing.
“Yeah, why are you acting like this is brand new information?” He asked.
You looked down at your lap, finding the napkin your bread rolls had been resting on was clear, you couldn’t use your food as a distraction. “I’m not trying to act that way.”
“Okay.” He said and when you looked up again, it was to find that he was still wearing his amused smile.
You feared what he might say if you asked what he was smiling about. You wanted to know, but you feared the change it could bring.
You were trying to recall a normal way to act. Maybe you could have found the right thing to say -
- if not for Rachel serving as an interruption, again.
“You guys, oh my God, you ate so many.” She said as she rushed over to where the two of you were sitting. She carried the container and wore a broad smile. “Someone said you were eating them the whole time you were playing air hockey.”
Now that the focus had shifted, you found that your ability to speak normally had mostly returned. You had to protect Rachel’s feelings, and you had to make sure that eating all of those rum balls hadn’t been for nothing. “Did they say anything else?”
“Like what?” She asked, proving how oblivious she was, which ushered in some of the relief that you needed.
Before she could read too much into your question, he was distracting her with compliments - tapping into that charm he had a seemingly endless supply of. “Of course we ate so many, they’re great. I don’t know about her, but it was hard to stop once I started eating them. Maybe all that extra rum made them addictive.”
You nodded along to what he was saying and it was clear that she was buying it as she went on smiling brightly, standing with her shoulders pushed back. The dishonesty was giving her a boost in confidence - could it be such a bad thing?
“I feel a little bad that we had so many before anyone else could really have a chance to try them.” As he spoke, the movement of Thomas coming back onto the patio caught your eye.
“No, I think there’s still enough left.” She said.
“Hey Ray.” He greeted, standing beside her.
She swung her body to face him, presenting him with the selection of dessert she still had. “Hi, have a rum ball?”
“Oh, nice.” He said, his optimism surprising you. Did he think she had purchased them, instead of making them? “I was hoping someone would bring these.”
Damiano grabbed your wrist, each of you watching carefully as Thomas picked out one of the rum balls. There was no way to guess how he would react - he had always been a wild card like that.
He began to eat and it appeared there were no issues. He didn’t wince or frown at all.
“Mmm.” He hummed as he swallowed it down. “That’s good, it isn’t too sweet.”
“That’s exactly what I was going for.” She said, briefly showing Damiano a favourable smile.
Thomas wasn’t dropping the act. Was his poker face stronger than you had realised? He took another of the small spheres, happily eating this as well, not needing to be pressured into doing it.
At the same time, you and Damiano looked at each other. You could already tell that he was thinking the same as you - your unpleasant efforts hadn’t needed to be undertaken at all. While you had been groaning through every mouthful, Thomas would have enjoyed eating Rachel’s dessert, fulfilling her desire to have her cooking validated.
You started laughing first, feeling foolish but not embarrassed. As Damiano continued to look at you, he joined you in fits of laughter. That sense of obligation towards Rachel was evaporating and you kept laughing as even more relief took its place. His hand went from your wrist, now holding your hand. You were united in finding this unexpected outcome ridiculous.
“What are you two laughing about? What could possibly be this funny?” Rachel asked.
“Oh, you know what they’re like, always up to something, that’s their vibe.” Thomas said.
As you tried to get your laughter under control, you shot a glare in Thomas’ direction. But it seemed that Damiano had missed the statement and its potential subtext, he was too busy giggling to notice.
The other two left after a moment and his continued snickering made you want to start up again.
“Dude.” He said through a gasp for air.
“We literally didn’t need to do that, any of it.” You said, smiling as you shook your head. “I’m gonna have rum in my system for weeks. And the whole time, Tom would have eaten them and spared Rachel from heartbreak.”
He was still laughing. “Her Christmas spirit didn’t need us to save it.”
“We are so dumb.”
You properly noticed that he was still holding your hand and you looked at how your fingers fit perfectly with his. He had held your hand before (squeezing through crowded clubs and not wanting to lose track of each other, amongst other instances). You told yourself that this shouldn’t feel any more significant than the other times it had happened. You rejected your own inclination that this was a ‘couple-y’ thing to do.
But you missed his hand in yours as soon as he took it away. He used his fingers to wipe beneath his eyes as he steadily brought his laughter to an end. “That’s my bad, I should have remembered that he eats absolutely anything.”
“Yeah, I thought you guys were supposed to be brothers.” You said.
He looked you in the eye, he had quit laughing, but he was still smiling. “That’s definitely naughty girl behaviour.”
You stared back at him, denying the insistent imagery your mind was all too ready to produce. “What, what are you talking about?” Once again you were trapped under that gaze that seemed to see too much.
“Lying, only naughty girls lie.” He said.
You knew that the way you were holding yourself together would disintegrate further if he said more words. “Can we drop this?”
He playfully pushed you a little further. “Why, do you not like being called that?”
You kept your lips firmly pressed together. You didn’t know what to say, you couldn’t risk slipping up. It was the opposite of not liking him calling you a naughty girl, but you didn’t know how to make sense of that for yourself. There was no way you could explain it to him.
The teasing smile fixed to his face made you squirm. It differed to the typical way you would make fun of each other. A thought occurred to you - if you kissed him you wouldn’t have to see that smile anymore, you could get a break from its disarming effects.
This situation had shifted and you could feel the control you used to protect yourself under threat. And you weren’t ready to be without it, regardless of how appealing and handsome he was.
You had to fight yourself, and your urges, back, the effort feeling almost physical. But you did it, producing distance between the two of you by getting to your feet.
“I’m gonna go and see if I can find some pudding. I would like to get to the part of this night where I’m eating a dessert I don’t have to pretend to enjoy.” You said. “I’ll see you later, dude.”
“See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.” He said, showing no signs of hurt feelings.
You didn’t hesitate to walk back inside, you needed space and time. You knew that you and your friend could get back to normal before too long. But for the moment you needed solitude, time for the ripples he had created to die out.
*** *** ***
Hey dude. Are you home? I kinda have a favour to ask…
This wasn’t the first time you were hearing from Damiano in the week since the Christmas party. The way you had been communicating could be characterised as normal, the word naughty hadn’t been used once.
But that didn’t mean you had stopped thinking about it. When your brain wasn’t actively engaged with something (work, Pilates), it wandered and a fantasy was unfolding. In your mind’s eye you saw a Santa hat as the concept of punishment produced many ideas. Would it be spanking? Would it be restraints on your body? Would it be more telling you how bad you were?
Your ventures into rough play had been short. Previous partners had treated it as a brief aspect of foreplay, doing as much as it took to turn them on before progressing to the ‘main event’. How much you wanted was usually ignored, but your people-pleasing tendencies kept you from voicing any complaints.
As you imagined going further than you had before, you willed a different face to appear under the Santa hat. You didn’t want it to be your friend. You tried to replace him with Harry Styles, or other celebrities you found sexy. Or a guy that you had gotten a crush on in the four months that you had worked together - what was his name?
But Damiano’s visage always returned to claim ownership of this role. There was a vast catalogue of memories that could be called upon to create a very clear image. You had gone swimming together countless times, you were familiar with what he looked like in nothing but a Speedo. Maybe other people at these group activities didn’t pay as much attention to his body as you did. But you always found something to like.
The fantasy always stirred something deep in your gut. You didn’t hate it, but you didn’t want it in your brain. It could compromise what you had and enjoyed.
You hoped for it to be a phase. It was like getting a song stuck in your head, it couldn’t stay on a loop forever. Sooner or later, your mind would move onto the next.
For now you were doing everything in your power to act normally with him. Surely the actions would impact your mental state, taking you back to a place of feeling normal (and in control).
Tell me what the favour is first. Maybe I’m not sure if I’m home yet.
You considered the words before hitting the send icon. Typically you gave messages a pre-send proofread to make sure there were no embarrassing spelling errors.
This was different: you were checking for anything that could be misconstrued or turned into innuendo. You had to conceal the swirl in your mind, picking up the implications that came with him reaching out to you so late at night. Why was he thinking about you past 11PM? Was it too much of a stretch to think he might be having difficulty falling asleep in a way that was linked to you? All of these theories had to be kept to yourself.
Haha. I’ll see you in about 20. He responded.
You stared at the screen of your mobile phone, feeling like you were on the way to becoming out of your depth. Hold up! You still haven’t told me what the favour is yet.
There was a brief pause (time for you to squirm on your sofa and tap your fingernails on the phone’s case) before you received his next message. I ran out of wrapping paper. None of the stores are open this late. & I’m driving to see my family tomorrow afternoon.
Running out of wrapping paper on Christmas Eve sounded like a stressful situation to be stranded in. It wasn’t a problem for you to worry about - you had packaged up your final purchase earlier in the week. You were the perfect person to rescue him and he was especially grateful when you confirmed that you could help him out.
From the highest platform of his cat tree, Iggy watched you sit up on the couch. You halted the renovation show that you had been watching, now motivated to get to your feet.
With the purpose of his visit so obviously platonic, it would have been odd to try to impress him, too much effort put into your appearance would be a waste. But you didn’t want to look like crap either. You went into the bathroom because brushing your teeth seemed like the best place to start. As you did this, you considered your reflection. The pyjamas you were wearing weren’t covered in any kind of embarrassing print and the robe you wore didn’t have gross stains on it.
You looked casual and comfortable. This wouldn’t be the first time he had seen you in your pyjamas. They were hardly glamorous or sexy, but they were you: the friend that he knew he could rely on.
After brushing your hair, you gathered the supplies he would need to get the gifts ready for his family. You placed all of this on the coffee table.
Instead of sitting on the sofa to await his arrival, you headed in the direction of your bedroom. You had just decided that putting a bra on was a good idea.
Suddenly Iggy was done with his lazing about. Your cat went sprinting past you, needing to get to the bedroom before you, for some unknown reason.
He had just disappeared out of your sight when you heard a knocking on the door. You would have to face Damiano without a bra, as your cat maintained his anti-social way of life.
You opened the door and couldn’t help laughing at what you found waiting for you. Damiano was dressed up - wearing an elf costume, complete with a hat and a green shirt that had a bright red collar. In one hand he carried a large fabric sack, it seemed a bit extra to transport his family’s gifts like this. But maybe he was this level of dedicated to the joke.
He smiled, seeming pleased with your reaction. “Are you going to let me in, or just stand there laughing at me?”
You moved to the side, still laughing as he came inside. “I’m sorry, but seriously, what are you wearing? Did you guys have some kind of themed Christmas show? Because I do not remember you mentioning that.” There was a bell at the tip of his green hat and it made a merry little sound with every step he took. “Or is this a service that you provide to the community every year? You put this costume on and you go door-to-door spreading the festive spirit?”
Once he had reached the lounge room, he stopped walking, turning to face you and you could see he was still smiling. “No, you’re the only one I’m seeing.”
“Okay. Well, can the elf wrap the presents himself? Or was he expecting me to help ‘cause I’m good with ribbons?” You asked.
“I lied about needing wrapping paper.” He said.
“Huh? Why would you do that?” You asked, more confused than upset by the deception.
“It was the only excuse I could come up with to come and see you. I needed to see you.” He said, his tone more serious than you had been expecting of a man dressed in a novelty T-shirt.
“What on Earth is going on?” You asked. You were trying to pick up clues from his expression, but you weren’t sure you had seen him like this before.
“Okay. So, part of this thing is that I wanted to give you a good laugh. I know how stressful your job has been lately and I know that you’ll be spending Christmas alone.” He said and it was flattering to know how well he listened to you, even when you were just talking about your parents going to England to spend the holiday with your little sister. “I figured you could use a little extra merriment, from an external source. And it seems like I accomplished that, awesome.”
“Yeah, you have.” You said. “What’s the other part to this?”
He paused to set the sack down on the floor and take a deep breath. “Don’t feel any pressure to respond in a certain way. I’m gonna be honest with you and I just want you to be honest back.”
“Okay.” You said - you were too confused to joke with him in any way. Your brain was so preoccupied that you had stopped noticing the silly hat and shirt.
“I want you.” He said.
The monumental statement wasn’t followed up by any laughter, keeping the sincerity present.
“I don’t mean to surprise you with this. But it kind of surprised me.” He said, happy to fill the silence as you remained too stunned to speak. “It started at the Christmas party-... well, maybe that’s not fully true. I guess I’ve thought about you, us, a couple of times. But it changed, it got more serious after the party.
“I was genuinely joking with that naughty girl stuff, ‘cause that’s what we do, lightening the mood and all that. But the way you reacted… I would have to be blind to not see that. You were having thoughts about it that went beyond a joke, maybe feelings, too.
“A lot of people think you’re shy, I’ve seen new people come into the group with that perception of you. And by extension of that, you seem innocent.” He said. “But I don’t think you’re what you appear to be. Your reaction makes me think that you like being called names and you like being put in your place, in a very un-innocent way.
“And thinking about you like that you got me all worked up. And I’ve barely been able to get it out of my head. So I thought we could bring our ideas of what Santa would do with a naughty girl together, and see what we like best.” He said and he picked up the sack, bringing it to sit in front of his feet. “I have my bag of tricks and I have a role that you could play, if you’re interested…”
He paused, looking down as he drew in a deep breath. “And if you’re not… I completely respect that. I will just go away, I might hit up Rachel’s place on the way home and see if she has any rum that she can share, so then I can drink this embarrassing moment out of my brain.”
“She’s not gonna have it. There isn’t a single drop left anywhere in Italy because she used it all.” You said, smiling. “They’re rushing to import more from the West Indies, but that would take a couple of weeks to get here.”
He met your gaze again, smiling as well. You supposed that he was waiting for you to say something.
You powered through the trepidation, endeavouring to meet him in the middle. You had to act on your feelings, denying them hadn’t gotten you anything good.
You walked the short distance that separated the two of you. The way he was looking at you added to the certainty you felt, able to combat the nerves. You were filled with adrenaline and the concept of stopping didn’t feel possible.
You placed yourself directly in front of him. You stepped over the sack with one foot as you raised both of your hands to his face. You cradled his cheeks in your hands, wondering if you had ever before been able to truly appreciate all of the beautiful features of his face at the same time like this. He was familiar, but changed enough to provide new excitement.
You expressed these different feelings by kissing him. And putting your lips to his felt immediately good, not that level of awkwardness a first kiss could hold. You weren’t making adjustments, nothing needed to be changed.
After a moment (perhaps giving you a window of time to change your mind and back out of this whole thing) he wrapped his arms around your waist. Your heart was fluttering as you tasted more-and-more of his top lip, the pleasing scent of his cologne adding to this. One of your hands travelled up, moving into his soft hair, enjoying what wasn’t trapped under the obnoxious hat.
You parted very slightly, your nose still resting against his as you tried to somewhat catch your breath. “Naughty girls get punished by Santa.” You said, not needing to pause to recall these words that had been ever-present in your mind since first hearing him say it.
“That’s right.” He said.
“Then how come you’re dressed as an elf?” You asked, teasing.
He laughed lightly, which you joined in on. “This was what I had at home. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” You said. “I don’t see it bothering me for long. Everything’s gonna come off of your body soon.”
He was grinning. “Are we-... do you really wanna do this?”
You caressed his cheek. “Yes, I’ve hardly been able to stop thinking about it too. But this isn’t the only time I’ve thought about you like this. Not to sound like a high schooler, but I’ve got a crush on you.”
“And you never told me?” He asked, the tips of his fingers playing at the spot under your chin. “Keeping secrets is more naughty girl behaviour.”
“It sounds like there’s a lot of things you could punish me over.” You said, the adrenaline keeping you from being too shy to say something like this. You could inhabit this character and speak your truth without overthinking every single word.
“Have you ever been punished before?” He asked, his tone less flirty.
“No, but I wanna be.” You said.
He gave you a brief kiss before taking a small step back. “We need to start with boundaries because I don’t wanna do anything that interrupts your fun. I’m not going to do this with you unless we do it the right way.” You nodded along, even though you didn’t fully understand what was expected of you yet. “Do you have any strict no’s?”
You couldn’t help feeling a little intimidated. Usually it took a few dates for you to get into this kind of kinky conversation, but you had only kissed this guy a couple of times.
“Uhm, I'm not a big fan of anal. If this is something you’re into, I’m sorry, but I don’t like calling people Daddy…”
“That’s totally fine.” He said. “Do you have a safe word?”
“No.”
“Well, have a think about it.” He said. “I don’t mean to make it sound intimidating. If there’s something you don’t want to do, you just have to tell me.”
You made an attempt at looking more confident, pushing your shoulders back slightly. “I’m not intimi-...” He compelled you back towards honesty without any words, a glance was all it took. “I’ll let you know.” In his silence, you noticed how the smile on his face was growing. “What, why are you looking at me like that? Did I say something funny?”
“No, there’s nothing funny. You’re just really adorable right now.” He said. “And I’m not used to seeing you like this. I like watching you squirm, it’s not how you usually act around me and it’s not just so fucking cute. It also gives me inspiration, it makes me want to do other things to see what else makes you squirm.”
“I’m squirming?” You asked, all of these movements had been happening involuntarily, they didn’t feel significant to you.
He had walked over closer to you again. “Yes and I’m getting a little obsessed with it.”
“I bet you could show me all new ways to squirm.” You said.
“Only if you're a good girl…”
You were smiling as he put his fingers under your chin, guiding you to tilt your head back so he could capture your mouth with a kiss. There was safety and excitement in the way he wrapped his arms around you. You didn’t resist this rush for one second, letting your lips part at the first touch of his tongue because you wanted to indulge deeper.
Before you could find that perfect rhythm with him, he was bringing the kiss to a gentle end. You waited to feel his lips again as his breath continued to caress your face.
When you opened your eyes, you found that he wasn’t moving in for another kiss. Instead he was carefully studying your face, seemingly unwilling to overlook a single feature. For the first time in your life, you felt like you understood what it meant to be admired.
“I'm more turned on than intimidated.” You wanted to clarify.
“And I intend to keep it like that.” He said as he smiled. “Do you wanna go into the bedroom?”
“Uh-huh, I really want to.”
He picked up the holiday-themed bag and you began down the short hallway.
The epiphany came to you as you were walking and you immediately spun around, needing to share the thought.
“Grinch.” You stated.
He stared at you, waiting for it to be his turn to talk. “I’m gonna need some sliver of context before I can get to be as happy about this word as you are.”
“What if we make Grinch the safe word?” You asked. “Or is that a bit too obvious and uninspired?”
“Of course we can use that. Good work, baby.” He said.
The way that he sounded so pleased added an extra spring in your step as you continued toward the bedroom. Earning his approval was having an effect on you.
And you definitely liked the sound of him calling you baby. It was so different from the way he would usually address you, joking as he called you dude. This rolled off his tongue giving you some intriguing feelings, which you didn’t feel compelled to run from. Your old reactions wouldn’t suffice in this brand new scenario.
Once you were standing in the illuminated bedroom you turned to face him, and he was instantly upon you. It seemed that none of the toys he had brought were breakable, with him paying no attention to how the sack landed after he had tossed it in the direction of your bed. You were more than willing to be distracted from this, getting swept up in more of his exciting kisses. He put his hands to either side of your face, holding you in exactly the place he wanted. You wrapped your arms around his middle, feeling the acceleration past the point of no return - you could not walk it back from here.
You savoured how it felt to explore beyond the typical with him. His lips left yours, travelling downwards. As he continued gracing your skin with kisses, he tilted his head and the bell attached to his hat jingled. It was almost funny how out of place it was, failing to add anything to the established mood.
But you didn’t want to laugh and you didn’t want to hear anymore of it. You grabbed for the cap’s tail, the bell ringing again as you pulled the hat off of his head. His mouth was discovering your neck as you tossed the accessory away, hearing the jingle for the last time. Your hands moved into his hair, the soft strands gliding between your fingers. His slow kisses moved across more of your neck. You wondered if he would leave marks, they would be exciting to wear.
He paused before getting too much lower. “I can’t get to any of the fun bits, you’re so bundled-up.”
You scoffed. “It’s winter and it’s nighttime. What were you expecting, should I be lying around my apartment in lacy lingerie and high heels?”
“No.”
“Thank you.”
“You should be lying around in absolutely nothing.” He said.
“I guess that I’m gonna be the first present you unwrap this year.” You said.
He smiled and returned his lips to yours. But the distraction of getting you out of your clothes soon took priority. You saw the enthusiasm on his face as he undid the tie of your fuzzy bathrobe. He didn’t take his time, moving consistently quickly to remove your layered comfortable clothing.
Your skin formed goosebumps as you became more exposed. But this wasn’t in response to the low temperature that had seen you grab for so much covering. This was the anticipation, which was also keeping a blush in your cheeks.
You didn’t feel judged as his eyes took in all of the details of your naked body. You knew that your safety with him wasn’t at risk.
He began to experience your body beyond sight, and the touch of his hands brought to your attention just how sensitive you were. A caress to the small of your back brought warmth into your gut. The way he gave your hip an affectionate squeeze made you notice a tremble in your knees.
For the moment you had entirely forgotten about his sack, you definitely weren’t trying to guess at which sex toys were inside. You were feeling like a toy yourself, being played with. He was gently exploring you, getting a hint of your features that lay beneath the surface.
His fingers continued to trail all over your bare skin and you saw the tantalising sparkle in his eyes before he gave you some more kisses. You wrapped your arms around his middle, low enough that you could slip your hands under the hem of his festively foolish shirt. Now it was your turn for fingers to trail as you appreciated his skin differently to ever before.
You followed your inclination to experience more of this, aware of your greed rising. One of your hands travelled up his back, while the other pulled the hem up because you were wondering how it would feel to have your bare skin pressed against his. It was a very inviting idea and you continued to gradually raise the bottom of his shirt.
His fingers caressed your cheeks as the kiss reached a gradual conclusion. “Are you feeling a bit eager? Don’t get too distracted now, you’re the one getting unwrapped here, babe.”
“What? I’m just trying to make it more even, is that so bad?” You asked.
“I wouldn’t classify impatience as a good girl quality.” He said with just the right amount of sternness in his voice.
You played along, pouting your bottom lip out a little. “You’re gonna make my punishment harder ‘cause I don’t like to wait?”
“Your punishment will be as harsh as you want it.”
“As harsh as you want.” You corrected.
“I have something that could be a counter to that impatience before you get too unruly.” He said.
“Alright, I trust you.”
It seemed that this was the right answer because it earned you some more kisses. As you soaked up the heat from his body, he slightly altered the way he was holding you. One of his hands reached lower to the back of your thigh and his arm tightened around your waist. Squeezing you close to him, he manipulated your body until both of your feet were leaving the ground.
This gave you a different type of rush. You had never been carried by a partner like this before. You clung to him as your eagerness continued to run rampant through your system, unwilling to forfeit its dominance. The muscles on his arms that you had noticed a fair amount of times weren’t just for show, he held you steady. He took careful steps, moving blindly as his focus went to continuing to kiss you.
He made it to the bed with barely a falter of his grip. The momentum changed and you were moved away from his body, his hands guiding you elsewhere. Your butt reached the mattress first as your eyes started to flutter open.
He was in the ideal spot directly in front of you for no more than a second. Then he was turning away, fetching the bag he had brought to delight you with. You regained your balance, trying to anticipate what he was about to show you, even though there were no visual clues. Judging by what he had said, you expected some form of restraints - but which style would he favour? Fuzzy handcuffs would go with the novelty of a Santa sack. Or did he prefer the precision and care of tying you up manually?
Amongst the other items in the sack, he found one, showing it to you as he walked over again. You were pleased to be proven correct by the sight of handcuffs, his thumb hooked through one of the shut loops. These weren’t novelty items, there were two thick cuffs that appeared to be made of leather. Despite the cute stars printed across them, you knew they would be strong enough to hold you.
“Would you like to veto these?” He asked. “And there isn’t a limit on your vetoes, you can use as many as you need.”
You were shaking your head before he had finished speaking. You weren’t very interested in ruling things out - you had already decided that you wanted to show off how much you could take. You were attached to the idea of impressing him.
Your eyes went to his other hand, which held the bag, its shape distorted by the items it still held. “It’s pretty obvious you didn’t just come over here with some cuffs. What’s left in that sack, what else did you bring?”
He smiled without a hint of bashfulness. “I think you’re probably better off asking what I didn’t bring.”
He wasn’t about to show you his entire hand yet. Instead of upending the bag, he reached in to collect something else currently out of your sight. A subtle crease came into his brow as he briefly concentrated. Before you could offer any assistance, he achieved his goal and showed you two of his fingers brightly decorated. They were unique finger puppets, but they weren’t entirely unfamiliar to you. You leaned forward, eyes greedily studying the little protruding bumps and ridges.
“Oh, I used to own stuff like that, I know how they work.” You said.
He didn’t let this deflate him or take away from his presentation at all. “You know all about them, huh?” You nodded, still feeling some self-confidence. “But have you had someone use them on you?” You stopped nodding. “‘Cause that can really change the experience. Do you want me to demonstrate that?”
You weren’t intimidated, feeling like you weren’t entirely out of your depth yet allowed you to stay possessed by intrigue. “Uh-huh.”
The cuffs and the remaining contents of the bag were ignored for the moment. He came in close again and you were relieved to not have to wait for the next kiss. You shut your eyes and drew your desires purely from his mouth.
You could have gotten distracted by this, still learning the little techniques that his kisses possessed. But before you could fully forget about the accessories placed on his fingers, you were feeling the rubber toy stroking down your chest. It dragged across your skin differently to his bare touch and you were hotly anticipating where you might feel the other toy.
The second stimulator got your attention when he flicked it against one of your hardened nipples. You couldn’t help flinching, bringing laughter from him, even as he continued to kiss you. The sound was muffled by your mouths, dying out as you pictured that cocky grin on his face.
He began to trail his fingers (both covered and not) down one side of your body. This whisper of a touch left you with goosebumps. He moved his hand up-and-down, applying pressure with the toys in a kind of massage, the slow patterns were so attentive. At the same time his tongue was pushing into the small space between your lips, easing them further apart. The exploration of his tongue paired perfectly with the caresses of his hands, one on either side of your body now.
You squeezed your thighs together when you felt him firmly grab your hips, almost pinching. Then he rubbed and clenched his fingers, rubbed and clenched. You couldn’t help lifting your hips a little, keen to press more of yourself against him. His tongue kept playing against the roof of your mouth, encouraging you further.
“I like the way you’re squirming under me.” He said. “I can tell this good girl is enjoying herself already, hm?”
“Mm-hmm.” You responded.
His hands moved lower than your hips, the toys pushing against your skin. The movement held your focus. He went to your ass, holding it in his hands, fingers extending and massaging this area. It seemed to you that he was truly trying to learn your body, giving you the sense that this was so much more than a fleeting interest and you let yourself get more excited, writhing a bit more frequently now.
When you opened your eyes it was to find him watching you, something of a smile still on his face as your reactions intrigued him. He noticed you looking and smiled a bit wider. His hands were now dragging up-and-down, going from the top of your butt to the tops of your thighs.
“I’m not used to having a knowledge advantage like this. You’re so clever, so quick, so tuned in, you always know more than me. Not in a cocky, or arrogant way- that’s never been you. But you’re a smart, smart girl, and maybe this is an area where I’m ‘smarter’, so I think I might savour how this feels.” He said. “Having all the control as I show you something new, surprise you a little.”
“That means you’re gonna stretch this teasing out, aren’t you?” You asked.
“Is that not what you want, baby?” He asked with a teasing grin now on his face.
“I need to work on my patience. And I just want to know if it will be worth it.” You said.
“Of course it will be worth it. If you can earn it: you’re going to get a big reward.” He said. “And I don’t really wanna rush something I’ve waited so long for.”
“Waited, what do you mean?” You asked.
“All of the times you’ve popped into my head and I’ve wondered if it would only work as a quick fantasy… what’s that expression, if I had a dollar for every time?”
“You would have a lot of dollars?” You offered.
“Precisely.” He said. “Naturally my smart girl knew what I was talking about straight away.”
You wondered if he would be able to give you a more specific amount of this metaphorical money - you made a note to hold this question for later.
For now you were just concentrating on kissing him, his mouth covering yours again. His expectations were present in your mind, but they couldn’t intimidate you, not while you were preoccupied by how right everything felt. One kiss melted into another, a perfectly correct rhythm.
You felt one of his hands wrap around your thigh, the fingers splayed out in a purposeful grasp. He began to ease your legs apart.
Your concentration instantly sharpened when his covered fingers got to the area typically covered by your panties. You wrapped an arm around his neck, needing a hint of steadiness. He rubbed and massaged at your pubic mound, the pressure enticing you. You noticed how much blood was pumping into this area - all before he had made any contact with your labia majora. He was warming your body up inch-by-inch and it was splendid.
You felt the want pooling in your cunt as he started to work over your labia. He took his time to caress these folds, the rubber fingers gliding over your pubic hairs. It was a nice increase of intimacy, keeping you on track of hoping for what his next move would feel like.
He broke the kiss and you saw how he was grinning, his tongue dragging over his top row of teeth. “Isn’t that so much fun, so much more fun than just playing on your own?” He asked.
“Mm-hmm.”
It seemed he wasn’t done with making you wait. Instead of going forward, he took his fingers away and it was only the cool air touching your pussy.
But you didn’t relax, expecting more and wanting to be prepared.
You kept your eyes shut for the moment. You weren’t motivated to open them until he spoke again and he had straightened up, some distance between your bodies as he returned his hands to the sack of supplies.
“So you’ve met this kind of toy before, how about this? How familiar are you with this?” He asked, showing you a larger object.
“Oh, a wand. Of course I’ve used one of those before.” You said.
His hand went back into the sack. “Alright, I’m gonna need something to help me surprise you, then.” He produced an eye mask, which bore the same star pattern you had seen on the handcuffs. “Do you want to veto this?”
“No, but, well, I mean, not veto, but…” His eyebrows raised as you stumbled over your words. “I’m not against the blindfold, but am I really not gonna get to see you? You get to see me totally naked, but I’m not gonna see anything?”
“Just for a little while…” He said and he wore a smile as he came closer with the eye mask. “God, you’re adorable when you’re pouting like that. Don’t worry, kitten, you will get to see me naked, I’m here to tease you, not subject you to cruel deprivation.” He eased the mask over the top of your head, not pulling it any lower than your eyebrows for now. “My plan is actually for you to get sick of the sight of me naked.”
You smiled at this obvious joke. “Why would that be your goal? That would take a whole lot of nakedness.”
“Exactly.” He said. “What’s your definitive verdict for the blindfold?”
“I’m okay with it. That's the same stars as the…”
“Uh-huh, it goes with the cuffs. Actually it’s from a four-piece set. It also came with this…” He left the mask not blocking any of your view, his focus going back to the bag. He pulled out a small, flexible-looking paddle. Its body was decorated with the same solid white stars.
Then he showed you another item, which carried on the star motif on its thick straps. These adjustable straps were short and attached to a modestly sized ball. You knew exactly where that solid sphere was supposed to go, and it truly intimidated you.
“A ball-gag?” You asked, wondering how you could stall for a little time.
“Yeah, we don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. Personally, it’s not my favourite. But I brought it along anyway because I’m here to explore your favourites, and we’re gonna do that without judgement, one hundred percent.”
“I don’t need it.” You said.
“Cool, let’s just…” He trailed off, stopping himself mid-gesture. “I was gonna throw this to the side, but I don’t want your boy to come along and think it’s a toy for him and get at it.”
“Iggy’s scared of everyone, you’re literally not gonna see him at all.” You said of your cat.
The ball-gag returned into the sack and you felt better for it. He opened the velcro of one of the handcuffs. You straightened your arm and he wrapped the band around your wrist, then pressed the two ends together. You were smiling as you offered your other wrist to him.
“I’m proud of you for using a veto.” He said as he got the second cuff secured.
“Oh, thanks.” You said, not entirely sure how to respond to this unexpected compliment. Was it sexy to him that you had said no? You supposed that one veto wasn’t going to place many limitations on him, the bag in his hand still heavy with possibilities.
He kissed you, his fingers brushing up against the sides of your face. You lifted your hands, the chain giving a little rattle to remind you of your restrictions as you extended your arms. You held onto his shirt as his tongue massaged against your lips.
You felt something soft pressing against the top of your face. When he eased away, you opened your eyes to only see the dark fabric of the eye mask. You continued to hold onto his shirt as you waited for his kiss. You knew that it would anchor you through the rushing emotions and uncertainty.
A new but quiet sound got your curiosity as soon as you heard it. This proceeded you feeling the vibrations of the massaging wand, its rounded head pushed into the soft area beneath your belly button. At the same time, he leaned his body into yours. You had the sense that he was close enough to kiss, but it didn’t come.
“Lay back.” He said.
You instantly leaned away, your body blindly seeking out the bed. “So stern. Yes, sir.”
His lips crashed against yours before you were laid out. He was setting a lustful pace, faster than before.
Your back reached the bed, with him lying on top of you. The pressure from his weight was wonderful, further adding to the concept that he was fully in charge.
You had stopped noticing the mechanical humming of the magic wand. But it was brought back to your attention when he applied the stimulating bulb to your pubic mound. Your heart launched into your throat and you were breathlessly trying to keep up with his rushed kisses.
“It’s better like this, hm? It’s less intimidating for you, right?” He asked in a low voice. “Because you’re not trying to read my expression, you aren’t worrying about where I’m looking. You don’t have to wear the blindfold for the whole night, but it’s got its advantages.”
“I’m seeing that.” You said before giving a giggle. “Well, not seeing in the literal sense, but you know what I mean.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You’re still maintaining that knowledge advantage.” You said.
“And loving every second of it.” He said. “Raise your hands up above your head.” It wasn’t a request. At the same time you were feeling the vibrating toy moving lower, in a drawn-out manner.
“Yes, sir.” You said, making this adjustment.
In the same second that you had finished speaking, he swiftly delivered the vibrator to your clitoral hood. This opened you up to an excitement greater than before and you couldn’t help squirming as his body kept you pinned down. The vibrations titillated you, awakening nerves, even at this low setting.
His lips going to one of your nipples brought a choked sob from your mouth. He began to suck and the intensity perfectly matched the vibrations, creating a fire in your gut. You saw stars, but these weren’t the same as what was printed on the fabric. These little stars were appearing and glowing prettily in your imagination.
He transferred to the other nipple and increased the toy’s pulsations. He kept it against your clit, set on this as the best location.
When he gradually moved his mouth down lower, he also took the sex toy to a lower spot. Now its smooth head nestled between where your puffy lips usually concealed your entrance. The pressure he utilised had you feeling the consistent vibrations in your labia minora, an intensity you needed more than a moment to adjust to.
The desire reached deeper into you, rocking you on a greater level as his lips massaged across your skin. You were amazed by how much effort he was putting into your experience, working so hard for your pleasure. His lips trailed onto your belly as he stepped the vibrations up to the next mode.
You felt his lips parting so he could flit his tongue on your skin from time-to-time. And as you rode the sensations higher, more sounds fell from your mouth. Containing them felt entirely beyond your control and your face coloured with more pink as he heard every honest reaction.
He adjusted how his weight rested, lying his body on your legs as he progressed to kissing beneath your waistline. Your hands went to the pillow, gripping it as a means of supporting yourself as you anticipated what might be next.
The surprise was more than you could fathom when your clit was encapsulated by unique vibrations. Your mouth opened but no words came out as your brain struggled to make sense of what you were experiencing. The massage on your clitoral hood existed independent of the work of the stimulating wand, which he was continuing to hold at your entrance. This didn’t deliver the moisture from his lips, and you could still feel those on your belly, anyway.
You didn’t know what created the sensation, but you did know that you liked it. You watched the unreal stars growing, completely blind to anything else as your mind focused on the present.
“There’s the surprise I wanted.” He said, the stimulants persisting at the two spots on your crotch.
“Oh, uh-huh.” You gasped as your back arched.
“And have I found a toy you aren’t familiar with?” He asked, his tone a little gloating.
“I think so.” You said, slowly adjusting to this unrelenting intensity.
You guessed that he was no longer within kissing range, now his voice seemed to be coming from a spot close to your hip. It wasn’t much of a leap to presume he was getting a close-up view of how your pussy was reacting to his treatment.
“This fun little tool is a clit sucker.” He said as the pulsations continued to engulf the hood.
“I definitely don’t need to use a veto for that.” You said.
He chuckled. “That’s good baby, that’s really good.”
He took the wand away from your pussy. You weren’t sure where it was relocated to, you just took the opportunity to concentrate fully on what was happening to your clitoral hood.
When the pulsations came in harder, you could only guess how much he had turned it up by. Were there more powerful levels he intended to use on you?
It didn’t feel the exact same as having a pair of lips sucking on your sensitive peak. But it felt wonderful in its own way, consistently getting you more excited, until your toes started to curl.
All of a sudden there was an external heat at your entrance, with him pressing a kiss onto your pussy lips. Your heart skipped a few beats and you awaited more.
It didn’t take long for him to initiate another kiss, then another - more-and-more until it felt like he was making out with your entrance. He sampled how your desires tasted with some swipes of his tongue. All the while he kept the active toy sucker on your clit.
His tongue began moving into you, prompting your thighs to quiver and shake. More noises began to swell up in your chest and you bit into your lower lip, feeling unwilling to fully share them. He lapped in deeper, and greedy (yet incoherent) whines came from you, barely muffled. You sucked on your lip as great chunks fell out of your composure.
“Hey, hang on…” He said once his lips were detached from your cunt. “No, no, no, don’t hurt that pretty lip.”
You stopped what you were doing before you had fully understood what he said. You lifted your head from the pillow, momentarily forgetting that the eye mask blocked your vision.
“That’s my lip to bite on, to suck, to play with- I’m gonna be the reason it’s swollen tomorrow, okay?” He said. You hoped that your continuing wiggling wouldn’t be perceived as you not listening (something worth punishment). You simply couldn’t hold yourself still, not while the sucking device was working its magic. You nodded your head to prove that you were paying attention, trying your best to behave.
“If you really need something to bite down on…”
“Not the ball-gag.” You said quickly.
“No, no, I wouldn’t dream of bringing it back.” He instantly reassured you. “Here, bite on this if you need to.”
Something flat nudged against your lip and you complied by opening your mouth. Your mouth was only partially filled. As you shut it, the confusion left you, he had given you the flexible paddle to set your teeth into. Or at least that was what you guessed it to be. You could comfortably close your lips around it, keeping it in place without his assistance.
“Is that good?” He asked and you gave him the only answer you could of nodding your head. “And what about this?”
He seemed to refocus on how he was holding the sucking device to your clit, bringing it closer so that you could feel its pulsations with complete consistency again. Appreciatively your hips bucked up, which made the toy’s power all the more apparent. The makeshift-gag muffled your whimper.
“Yeah, that’s good for you, huh?” He asked. “And this is probably even better.”
He turned the vibrations up and your jaw clenched, your teeth locking onto the paddle. You raised your bound hands up to your face as you felt yourself getting lost for the moment. The intensity was huge, making you feel like all of your senses were being overwhelmed. How could you grasp for even a shred of composure in your current state?
He parted the device from your clitoris and it felt like you could come back to yourself a little. The breaths you drew were shaky, but they were full.
Then his tongue returned to your cunt. This slower stimulation felt like exactly what you needed, with him lapping appreciatively at the moisture. You lowered your hands and stopped gritting your teeth against the paddle as you started to settle into this sensation.
He slowly dragged his tongue up to your clitoral hood. You blindly reached your hands out, placing them on his head with your fingers exploring the soft strands of hair. Your lungs filled with more (needed) air as he gently drew circles around your sensitive nub.
Before you could get too invested in this progression, the intensity sharply increased with the reintroduction of the sucking device. You gave a dramatic twitch beneath him.
The thrilling vibrations were taking you back to that place with no thoughts and limited control. The quivering in your thighs was soon accompanied by the thrusting of your hips. They moved according to their own rhythm, just trying to make use of all of this feverish excitement. It accelerated the effects of the device.
But you didn’t find the ideal pacing, because the device was taken away too soon. This void was filled by his mouth before too long. As he worked his tongue and lips on your clit, you decided that this felt better than the device - this was the sublime experience of having your clit sucked.
The toy couldn’t replicate this perfectly. But when he switched it back, you still found plenty to enjoy of how it treated your clitoral hood, keeping your mind blissfully blank. It was a solid consolation, you couldn’t deny how titillating its vibrations were.
He kept switching from one to the other, your clit consistently stimulated and the tingles this brought to your body only grew more pronounced. You gave in more with each switch, beginning to see each as your path to orgasm.
But he never quite let you get that high. You spat the paddle out of your mouth, letting him hear your noises louder, in the hopes this would persuade him to allow you to ride this excitement to its logical end.
You pumped your hips, patience wavering as you tried to match him, tried to find the essential synergy. Your hands in his hair curled into unthreatening fists, gripping as more of your desperation showcased itself.
“Sir…” You whimpered, hoping you had found the cheat code to make him give you exactly what you wanted.
He applied more pressure with his tongue as he repeatedly worked it up-and-down against your clitoral hood. In response you lifted your ass higher off the bed. Your pussy was brought flush to his face as he seemed focused on working your clit in this promising way. His hand grabbed your butt as you delivered thrust after thrust into his face. The stars in your eyes got even brighter as it began to feel like your body was floating. A powerful fire burnt in your gut, with involuntary sounds falling from your mouth (you were too enchanted to feel self-conscious over whether the sounds were to his liking or not).
Your next noise was a loud and mournful moan when he took his mouth off of you. You kept your hands in his hair, even as your arms shook. The seconds without feeling anything from him seemed to stretch out.
“Please, don’t stop.” You said as he kept you waiting.
“Oh, so you’re not a fan of edging?” He asked, his tone so casual.
“I can’t say that I am.” You said, squirming in your wet-thighed anticipation.
“But the noises you’re making are just so nice, so so sexy, can you really blame me for wanting to savour them? I’ve been waiting a long time to hear you like this.” He said.
You huffed, trying to find the winning approach as you pouted again. “But-but don’t you wanna know how I’ll sound when I come? Aren’t you curious about hearing that noise?”
He caressed your ass now, still not giving you what felt as essential as oxygen. “I suppose that’s the noise I really want to hear. But I didn’t know that you wanted to come.”
“Damiano.” You substituted the curse words populating your brain for his name.
“What?” He asked, playing at being oblivious. “How am I supposed to know what you want unless you tell me?”
“Is that what this is about, you’ve been waiting for me to say it?” You asked.
“Uh-huh. I wanna hear you say exactly what you want. I wanna hear your dirty talk.” He said.
You shifted your legs, feeling a seed of insecurity over the possibility of doing this wrong. You wanted to sound sexy for him - but did you know how?
“Don’t overthink it.” He told you, demonstrating a superior intuition of what you could be thinking thanks to how long he had known you. “Just say what you want, that’s all I’m looking for.”
“Well, I wanna… I wanna come.” You said, feeling like you were stating the absolute obvious.
His fingers caressed your butt and it was the only thing that you had to hold onto.
“Uh-huh, and who’s gonna make you come?” He asked.
“You. I want you to make me come.” You said, before rushing to add. “Please.”
“Good girl.” He said. “How do you want me to make you come?”
Fingers playing in his hair, you considered making a joke. You could poke fun at him by saying that it was more than dirty talk he was after: he was going to have you write an essay of how you wanted to achieve an orgasm before he actually made it happen.
You wet your lips as you let this half-baked idea go. You chose to not get distracted. “I want your lips and your tongue.”
“Want them to do what?” He prompted.
“Please, I want you to use them on my pussy to make me come.” You said, too impatient to feel embarrassed over saying something so explicit. “Please.”
This proved to be what he needed to hear. Without a further word, he returned his mouth to your pussy, satisfying the way you burnt to feel more.
He didn’t come at you with any of the toys (both known and not). Instead he was finding his own rhythm with just his mouth and you let out an appreciative moan. Your hands rested on the back of his head as you got drunk on how these wonderful sensations were building. He kept one of his hands on your ass, a secure hold that was matched by the way he gripped at the top of your thigh, maintaining the distance between your legs that he wanted.
He created something of a seal around your clitoral hood with his lips, then applied his tongue to it. He played with the peak, seeing how far he could push it and experimenting with your responses to different patterns. You could focus on every swirl, no stops or toys to interrupt the flow. It was simpler than before, but it was such an effective way of blowing your mind.
He moved his tongue up-and-down consistently, not letting his mouth slip even slightly. The pressure was fantastic and you capitalised on this by thrusting your hips, driving your pussy into his face again. Your hands gripped his hair, needing him to stay where he was.
It didn’t matter how hard or fast you grinded, his mouth never failed you. You felt your chest hollowing and it seemed that you became smaller, so easily dwarfed by the immense pleasure.
Your breaths were marked by little whimpers as the effort took more-and-more from you. But you knew it would be worth it, getting blinded by the imaginary stars.
He made a slurping sound as he worked to keep the moisture in his mouth. The suck that corresponded with this brought a tremendous quake through your core.
You were irrevocably overpowered, levitating off of the bed further than before. Your fingers gripped onto his hair as you began to greet that lovely edge.
“Yes.” You whined, feeling how good it was to let everything go. “Oh my God, yes.”
You began to come undone, getting lost entirely.
There was an unexpected spike, the pleasure hitting a new level when he reintroduced the wand vibrator. You felt the pulsations in your clitoris as your pussy enjoyed the climax.
It was a spectacular explosion, the aftershocks still racing through you even after the vibrator was taken away. You didn’t know how to pull yourself back together, but for now you didn’t care.
The brightness of the room came back to your attention before you had opened your eyes. He had pushed the eye mask out of the way, allowing the light to push against your eyelids. The corners of your lips started to lift into a smile.
“Feeling that extra merriment now?” He asked before his lips captured yours for a moment.
“So much.” You said. “The merriest ever.”
“But I haven’t finished showing you all the surprises in my sack.” He said.
“And you still haven’t taken that silly costume off.” You said.
“It’s part of my character and it’s effective.” He said in his own defence before he seemingly had a realisation. He sat back on his knees and reached for the bottom of the green shirt. “But I guess it has served its purpose.”
He discarded the shirt and you were finally given the luxury of your eyes exploring his torso with little to no shyness. You could study like you never had before, really fixating on the details. You could notice and be enticed by everything that you saw.
You were grateful when he didn’t hesitate to take his jeans down. But just watching wasn’t enough to satisfy the desires swirling through you.
You extended your arms out. But before your hands could reach the waistband of his briefs, he stopped you by grabbing the chain that connected your handcuffs. He gave you a stern, but not disapproving, look as he used the chain to direct your hands closer to your chest.
“You haven’t learnt how to be patient yet?” He asked and you instantly identified this as a challenge.
It wasn’t a challenge you could ignore. “I guess I haven’t fully grasped the concept.”
You saw his eyes flicker, but the movement that corresponded with it was too quick for you to see. Instead of seeing him pick up the paddle, you felt its return to the scene.
He slapped the flat object against the side of your thigh, instantly compelling you to ditch any further challenges. Your breath hitched as you felt your leg heat and sting. You were caught off-guard by this sensation, needing to pause to figure out your own reaction.
His eyes were on your face, he was holding the paddle up, his arm tensed as if to strike again. But he didn’t follow through. At first you were reminded of a video that was buffering.
Then you realised he was waiting for your consent. And you gave it. You licked your lips as you turned your hips a little, presenting him with more thigh, and even some butt, to spank. You kept your hands to yourself, lying on your chest in what seemed like a safe zone.
The next slap from the paddle surprised you less, now you knew how to register the feeling. You liked it, hoping your skin would glow pink in a way that would please him.
There were no words coming to mind because the seconds between each spank were filled by you trying to prepare for the next. Then when it came, your mind went totally blank. As the sting radiated out, you began the climb of anticipation again. Your body was filling with tension, growing more intense. But you held onto the faith that he would be able to resolve all of it.
Another satisfying slap filled the quiet in the room. You heard his heavy breathing as more heat filled into the raised side of your butt. You still weren’t feeling pain from the continuing spanks, it was a sharp sensation and each time it cut through absolutely everything else. Your enjoyment was only increasing.
He pulled his arm back and your eyes fluttered shut as you awaited the next strike. Instead, he spoke. “Do you feel like having another try at behaving correctly?” He placed the paddle against your ass, resting it against the curve. “Or would you rather be a naughty girl?” Your need to be cheeky had definitely dulled. “There’s something I really want to show you from my sack. But I’m not about to share it with a naughty girl.”
“I’ll be good.” You said. “I’ll be very good, sir.”
He smiled, starting to lean down. Before his mouth could meet yours, he gave you another slap from the paddle. You couldn’t help flinching but you loved how it felt, settling into the feeling as he kissed you again. You let out a little whimper, your hands going to his hot pectorals.
Before you could get too accustomed to how his bare skin felt on yours, he pulled away. He ditched the paddle as he stood up.
He brought a small, slim box out of the sack. He moved too quickly for you to properly gain all of the details from the box. The device that came from it wasn’t familiar. It was matte black, probably made of silicone. It had two thin prongs, which kind of resembled legs, coming together at a compact disc. You kept your eyes on it, willing clarity to come.
He set it down on the bed, beside your leg, then proceeded to get something new from the bag. This next thing was far more straight-forward - a box of condoms. He collected one of the packaged items before getting back to taking his pants off. As soon as they were lowered, he took his underwear down as well. There was no missing how keen he was - immediately the stiffness of his dick confirmed that you had succeeded in turning him on.
There was a portion of yourself that felt self-conscious for wanting his cock so much. But overwhelmingly, you felt excited. All of the lust that had been developing now had a place to land.
He started at the tip, covering it then unrolling the latex further. As you watched this motion, you thought about what it would be like to experience his dick for the first time purely through taste. It was an intriguing and enticing fantasy, it didn’t seem farfetched to assume he would greatly enjoy it too, continuing your seduction.
But then you realised he didn’t want you to have any thoughts at all. At once you tried to empty your mind.
When he picked the tong-esque item up, you noticed a second, detached disc, but he held this in the palm of his hand, downplaying any significance.
“Did I bring another surprise?” He asked.
“Yeah, I have no idea what that is. I might be able to guess what it does.”
“You can guess, if you wanna. Or I could tell you and explain it. Or I could show you.” He said, entertained even in this in-between moment.
“Show me, please sir.” The answer seemed so obvious to you.
He grinned as he climbed up, placing his knees on the bed. “I really like it when you call me that.”
“Then I guess I have no choice but to keep saying it.”
Remaining above you, he placed the new device on you, its legs reaching toward your mound. At first you felt only the faint hint of its weight and nothing else.
Then he pressed a button on the tiny remote in his hand, and the disc on your lower tummy silently began to vibrate. It wasn’t too intense straight away, but it was enough to make you smile. He dragged it closer to your cunt and you worked to not squirm in your anticipation. You looked from the strangely-shaped device to his face - naturally he was still smiling, as his eyes glittered.
“But what do these little legs do?” He asked the question that was on your mind.
He picked the toy up and showed you how the prongs could be repositioned, bending them with little to no resistance. He curved them to face opposite directions and you were doing a lot of thinking trying to figure out the advantages of this. Was it supposed to go inside of you? It looked too thin, but you guessed the capability to hit two different angles at once had a lot of potential.
“Uh-huh, and what’s the point of that?” He asked.
He answered by taking the toy down, towards his dick as he changed the bend in the legs again. He placed it over his length, the connecting disc at the top. He gave the legs another repositioning twist, one at a time wrapping them around his cock, close to the base. He got this adjustable cock ring how he wanted, the ends of the legs crossed over at his balls.
“That’s a great surprise.” You said, showing him that you were less confused.
“You like looking at it, wait until you feel it. Wait until this pad is vibrating against your clit while I’m fucking you so deep.” He said.
Your legs were already spread, it was hard to know how much longer you would be able to hold yourself back. “Show me, sir?”
This earned you the proximity that came with making out. You lifted your arms out of the way, passing the cuff’s chain over his head. You rested your hands at the base of his neck as his body pressed so perfectly on top of yours. You settled into one another, lips working together as the synergy kept strengthening.
With no hesitation, you moved deeper into the lust. Your thighs clung to his hips as his tongue tasted and played with your bottom lip. Your tensed body wanted to melt for him more than anything.
He sucked on your lip as he started to sink down into you, accepted by your thoroughly-primed pussy. You identified this as the best sensation of the night, instantly superior to the toys, and definitely worth waiting for. Your fingers curled, grasping for his hair as you stretched to accommodate him further.
His body settled on top of you, fitting in between your legs. This closeness brought even more excitement - you already knew that he would be able to take you to another stunning peak. He had more energy to give to your pleasure.
Rather than seeking the greatest penetration at once, he gave you time to adjust. He was going to build to the moment of overwhelming you. For now he tested his range of movement, pumping his hips so you could feel the potential of what he could do with his shaft.
Gradually he worked himself deeper. You couldn’t help imposing little breaks between kisses as the pressure increased inside of you.
It wasn’t long before you gave up from trying to keep up with his mouth altogether, a parting suck applied to your lip before you leaned your head slightly back. You decided to give your attention to moving your hips, attempting to match his affectionate pace.
Before you could truly sync yourself to him, the vibrating toy collided with you, surprising you momentarily beyond comprehension. Your hips dramatically jutted up as your mind slowly began to catch up. You shook as you adjusted to this new intensity.
It seemed your vulnerability was clear because he paused to ask. “Are you okay, bella? Is it too much?”
You arched your back to press into him, smiling. “Oh, it’s good. It’s really fucking good.”
“You don’t need your safe word?” He asked, still not moving.
“Absolutely not.” You said.
You opened your eyes and lifted your head in the pursuit of capturing his lips in a kiss. It didn't matter how short on breath you were feeling, you prioritised cultivating your connection with these excited kisses.
You also drove your hips forward, craving the beginnings of friction. He stopped hesitating and grabbed your butt as he gave you a push, moving in deeper. You couldn’t help whimpering as he delivered another thrust.
He swiftly and confidently took the lead - it made you want to call him sir repeatedly.
With each pump from him, you had begun to feel the silicone legs of the toy wrapped around his dick. You felt the smooth material rubbing against your pussy, but you had yet to register the vibrations (not that you felt you needed it).
You rested your head in the curve of his neck, unable to keep up with his kisses. But you were managing to stay with the pacing of his hips. You met every strike, lengthening each motion and giving you even more to enjoy. His energy was matching and coming together with yours as it had so many times over the past two years - but in a brand new way, more intense than you would have associated with him.
This was the most important mutual goal you had ever worked toward with him. You stuck with him, even as the threat of getting overwhelmed crept in again.
As everything wanted to shatter around you, he remained your constant. Listening to his raspy breaths kept you from getting entirely lost. Your short nails pressed into his skin and your nostrils were filled with the enticing scent of his sweat mixed with cologne. You didn’t care about anything beyond his body.
The tender massage between your inner-walls got even deeper, touching at a depth his tongue hadn’t reached. It brought the stars back to your shut eyes, but they were so much bigger and brighter now.
“Fuck.” You exclaimed in response to feeling the vibrations on your clit again.
Your gut clenched as you rode this sensation higher. He let you enjoy this stimulation, not rocking back according to the earlier pacing. Your cunt fluttered and spasmed around him. This prompted some cuss words from him too.
He writhed against you, barely pulling his hips away. Instead he completed some quasi-thrusts, seeing what else could be gained from this closeness.
When he returned to full motion, it was absolutely electric. The quick touches of the vibrator to your clitoral hood were enough to keep you reeling.
The perfect synergy of your bodies soon brought you back to the edge. Little ecstatic cries began to fall from your lips.
“Yes, uh yes, yes-yes.” You stammered as you failed to meet more than a few of his bucks.
He kissed across your forehead, something so affectionate was in direct contrast with the frantic rhythm of his body. “Merry Christmas, babe.”
Hearing that wholesome phrase was so unexpected that it felt out of place and you couldn’t help but laugh. This noise transformed quickly into an audibly strangled breath as he plunged all the way in again.
There was no composure left for you to regain. Even as he adopted slow and shorter strokes, you were helplessly overstimulated.
He put his hands to your sides, a determined hold. He kept his hips pressed against yours as he grinded into you repeatedly. The vibrator was directly on your clit, the pulsations were ready to devastate you.
“It feels like you’re ready to come.” He said. “Are you?”
The prospect of him edging you again occurred to you, and you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist before you answered. (You didn’t know how you would cope if he put you through more of that.) “Yes, yes sir, I am.”
He spared you any further teasing, he didn’t retract. He stayed close, quickly snapping his hips. He whimpered as he kept working his tip on your sensitive walls.
You held him tighter (your cunt clenching too), giving yourself up to the pressure that just kept rising. Your hips stuttered at their own tempo, there was no rhyme or reason to it, simply moving to express some of your excitement. He didn’t correct this behaviour, letting you continue as everything began to come together.
Your gut tightened and you had to bite your lip to stop the loudest noises from getting free. He moaned your name over the consistent sound of your skin slapping together.
“Oh, fuck. I think I’m…” His pitch changed and you noticed how he had begun to be plagued by tremors. “Yeah, I’m gonna come, like right now.”
You were holding onto his taut shoulders as you opened your eyes. As he remained in motion, you saw the look of concentration on his face. Instantly you were enthralled by the idea of seeing him become complete, as you were on the threshold of.
“Yeah?” You asked.
“Yeah. Oh yes, yes, yes.” He said, his eyes squeezed shut as he kept rubbing into that deepest part of you. “Yes, yes, fuckin’ yes.”
You wanted to watch him driving to that point of perfection. But the relentless pulsing against your clitoris was stealing your focus, insisting that you fall apart. The fluttering of your eyelids became harder to fight against.
There was a powerful moan that was swelling in your throat as he suddenly became rigid. He pressed against you firmly, loudly trying and failing to catch his breath. You felt how he shivered on top of you, demonstrating less control than any other point of the night.
The pressure caused by having him so close (and deep), with the vibrating disc still on your clitoris, was enough to take you over the edge. Your pussy clenched around his shaft as the orgasm dawned throughout your entire body. Biting your lip wasn’t enough to stifle the cries that your revelation brought out. You were stunned on every possible level.
Even once the vibrator’s massage was over, and he had pulled out, you still felt like you were on the verge of breaking apart again. Moving was beyond your capabilities right now and you thought it would be easier to fall asleep than recover.
“Oh my God.” You gasped when upon opening your eyes, your vision filled with him. The reality of this situation was beginning to settle in, things were clearer now.
“You alright?” He asked as he moved closer to free your wrists from the restraints.
“Uh-huh, I don’t feel like I need to say Grinch, still.” You said.
“I wasn’t going to make fun of you, but you really did pick the dorkiest possible safe word.” He said, wearing a cheeky smile.
You rolled your eyes and pulled up the top of the blanket. “It suits you, then.” This earned you a laugh from him. Before you could slip into the old and familiar teasing, you stayed tapped into this vulnerability. “You’re gonna stay, right?”
He smiled as he finished removing the cuffs, then he swept in to kiss you. “Of course, I would love nothing more than to stay with you, bella.”
As his fingers caressed your cheeks, you kissed him. This led to another, then another, at a slower pace than before because you knew you didn’t need to rush. This was an affectionate yet lazy continuation of your intimacy.
It didn’t develop into anything more, he simply laid down with you. You wrapped your arms around him, the two of you sharing looks that lingered longer than what you would have classified as normal.
You didn’t need to ask him to move his limbs, he hadn’t positioned himself in a way that had brought you any discomfort. You liked the way his arms fit around your waist. You didn’t need to put any of your clothes back on, this embrace had you feeling warm enough.
He broke the silence, speaking softly and at the sound of that you didn’t feel like you needed to prepare any witty retorts. “Thank you for trusting me. This was one of the biggest gambles of my life, and I feel lucky that you were willing to go along with it.”
“I’m glad I could maintain my unbroken streak of always going along with your ideas.” You said, able to see the smile he wore even in the limited lighting. “You mean the world to me, I’m always gonna trust you.”
Maybe more could have been said - there wasn’t a finite amount of emotions to be told. But the silence didn’t bother you. You didn’t feel obligated to speak: to win him over or otherwise make this moment. You were so content, running your fingers through his hair until sleep arrived.
*** *** ***
You began hearing a consistent tinkling, fun and non-abrasive, but persistent enough to keep you from falling asleep again. You didn’t open your eyes, trying to determine the source without seeing it. You were floating in the daze of not yet awake, the world covered by a kind of fuzziness. You rolled onto your side, yet to realise that Damiano was missing from your bed.
Your thoughts were clearing up as you continued to listen to the jingling. As you readjusted the warm blanket over your bare form, you recognised this gentle, non-rhythmic music. You had heard it very recently, even though it wasn’t a regular fixture in your home.
It was the silly bell from the elf hat. You were certain of this, opening your eyes at once. You lifted your head from the pillow, too curious to resist now. You looked around, trying to gain as much information from the room as possible.
You found Damiano was sitting on the carpet and he had the novelty hat in hand, jostling the fabric so that the bell would dance in the air. It was shaking and bobbing directly in front of your cat.
Seeing Iggy was the last thing you needed to drag yourself fully out of sleep. You hadn’t expected to see this, but he looked completely at ease. In the two years that you had owned him, he had never played with anyone but you. In all of his visits to your home, Damiano had only managed to briefly pet the cat, with Iggy always maintaining his strict disinterest in outsiders.
But now he was playing, seemingly totally invested. He sat so close to Damiano’s legs, those predatory eyes fixed on the silver bell. Damiano swung it close to Iggy and he picked up both of his front feet to swipe at it. The whole time, Damiano was beaming, so clearly enjoying this brand new experience.
“I don’t believe it…” You said, keeping your voice low to avoid startling your cat.
Damiano kept the hat in motion as he looked at you. “Crazy, huh? I guess he finally decided that I’m not his enemy. I didn’t even need to use any catnip to bribe him into this.”
“It’s a legitimate Christmas miracle.” You said. Reflecting back on how Iggy had shunned the attention of all of your past partners, this didn’t seem like an exaggeration to say.
“I know, right?” He said. “He was sitting there looking at it on the ground when I woke up. And I thought he would run away as soon as I got out of bed.” His words were accompanied by the music of the bell, which you were coming to enjoy more. “But…”
His face fell when Iggy began to walk away, unhurriedly going to the opened door. “Oh, now he’s leaving.” Iggy didn’t look back, disappearing without a sound. “He’s done with me, I guess.”
“Bye, sweetie.” You called after your pet.
“Damn, I miss him already.” He said sadly.
You couldn’t stop smiling. “He hates everyone.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m better than those other nobodies. That’s just how it is.”
You giggled. “You’re still naked.”
He got up on his knees, walking his way toward the bed in this fashion. “So are you. We’re just hanging out, naked.”
“I like it.” You said, sitting up higher as he got closer to you.
“Yeah, me too.” He said.
He reached the side of the bed, just slightly beneath eye-level. He leaned in, his eyes going to your lips as you put your hands on either side of his face. You kissed him, slowly, enjoying this indulgence just as you had last night.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, keeping his face close to yours.
“I’m good.”
“Yeah? You haven’t got any sore spots that I need to kiss better?” He asked.
You pushed one of your hands up the nape of his neck, into his hair. “Nuh-uh, no spore spots, no regrets.”
“That’s fantastic, babe.” He said before moving in for more kisses.
You managed to drag your tongue along the line where his lips met, before he eased back. You were left with building cravings.
“I’ve been awake for a little while, and I’ve had time to check Santa’s sack. It appears that there’s still something in there for you, one more thing.” He said.
“Oh, but it’s too early to be calling me a naughty girl. At least, I think it’s too early.” You realised that you hadn’t seen any form of clock, or even glanced at the window.
“This isn’t something for a naughty girl.” He said. “This is a gift.”
“Well in that case: gimme!” You said enthusiastically.
He laughed as he got up, going over to where the sack had been sitting overnight. He picked out an item that was wrapped in festive paper. You smiled, ready to love it, even with no inclination of what it might be. He handed it to you, taking a seat at the edge of the bed with you.
“I hope you like it.” He said as you started tearing away the wrapping.
“I have no doubt that it’s going to be amazing.”
Beneath the paper, you found a sleeve of protective bubble wrap. In here was your gift, a rectangular photo frame. You recognised the series of small photos from a photo booth at the cinema you usually visited. The five photos showed you and Damiano, side-by-side, making various faces for the different photos. You hadn’t seen these photos for two years, you had no idea he still had them.
“Oh wow, this is from forever ago.” You said, seeing how happy the two of you appeared.
“Yeah, do you remember this? It’s from when you dragged me to that midnight screening.” He said.
You rolled your eyes, unimpressed by how he was attempting to rewrite history. “I just said that I wondered what those were like, how the vibes were. And you said you would try it with me for Endgame’s premiere. There was no dragging involved.” You jabbed your pointer finger into the air before he had a chance to cut you off. “And it definitely wasn’t my fault that you fell asleep less than halfway through the movie.”
“I had been touring for months. It’s a miracle that I didn’t fall asleep while we were taking these photos.” He said. “I thought you might like to have these, like a time capsule of us being nerdy together.”
“I love it. I’m gonna put it somewhere that I’ll see it every day.” You said. “Just looking at it, it’s like I can feel how much fun we had that night… before you fell asleep.”
He eased your unruly hair back from your face. “You are really cute when you’re telling me that I’m wrong, did you know that?”
There was the beginning of a blush in your cheeks as you looked at him. “I know now.”
With a smile, you closed the distance between your bodies with a kiss. His arm slipped around you. You didn’t feel like you had sacrificed any of the significance of the friendship showcased in these old photos. Nothing needed to be lost on the path to this new level.
“If you check under my tree, you’ll find there’s a gift for you there.” You told him.
He grinned. “Really? You always get me the best gifts.”
“Why don’t you go get it?” You asked.
“I was thinking that I would open it later.” He said. “Like when I’m opening other presents with my family. And maybe you could be there too?”
“You want me to spend Christmas with your family?” You asked, thoroughly surprised.
“Don’t you think that would be better than spending the day alone? There’s no racist or otherwise weird uncles to ruin the vibe. My dad is a really great cook. And I’ll drive. And I don’t have to introduce you as anything more than my best friend if it feels too early for that.” He said.
Your heart had started fluttering as you listened to him. Now you picked up one of his hands, squeezing it as you found another of his appealing ideas to go along with. “What time do we need to leave?”
»»————- ♡ ————-««
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#more friends references than you can poke a stick at!!!#an xmas fic in may? sue me#damiano david x you#damiano x reader#damiano david x reader#maneskin fic#maneskin x reader#maneskin smut#maneskin fanfiction
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Hi! My name is August and im here to address the rumors of Toby/Plague, a cosplayer and content creator being a groomer and other accusations made within the last few days
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/594e1080c305ff692b8549842bd64fdf/be1f08100b5038b7-80/s540x810/4a68e431978e40c29fafaf1577849bc5ad7bb8dc.jpg)
You may recognize my name from other posts made regarding myself and other rumors including the rumor that i am one of the people Toby is grooming, which is devastating in my eyes because never once has Toby acted in a predatory way towards me, he is truly one of the coolest dudes ever.
Why did this rumor start? Its because of one screenshot where i am describing that i am cold and toby makes a joke saying he will “wrap his feet around me” which was obviously a joke, wrapping your whole ass feet around someone is not even humanly possible?
I fully consent to the sexual and darker jokes and fully enjoy them as we use in private in our servers for just ourselves and friends watering our humor down in the Blood of Salvation server, Toby always makes sure to respect a boundary if it is brought to his attention, still TO THIS DAY i am asked at least twice a month sometimes even three times if my boundaries have changed, the only one being to not make fun of me for my weight as it makes me incredibly insecure, Toby has never broken that boundary. If people had an issue with our humor, we have always communicated in the server that they can message a moderator to discuss any issues, no one ever messaged us saying they felt uncomfortable.
I can address that our humor is quite sexual and dark to begin with, however if toby is not personally friends, he controls his humor ESPECIALLY around minors, there have been many occasions where Toby has mentioned he is kind of sick of minors joining the server just because they simp and suck up to him and how gross he feels when people act like that just because the find him hot.
Majority of the jokes made were in a chat where only the moderators and admins can talk which you can choose if you want the channel to be visible or not, all moderators who are close friends talk here, we didnt say many of the screenshots shown to random members although we should have been more careful with what we say as some people are incredibly young.
Also the way this was handled was horrendous, Seirei has a large platform that i stopped following a few months ago, her content was great in my eyes and i completely idolized her because she seemed really cool, however things like calling ticci toby an abuser and other drama that arised has caused me to stop following her. She should have handled it like an adult and talked to everyone mentioned to get both sides as some people involved are minors which is so dangerous seeing how people are being doxxed now, some involved are as young as 14. Seirei’s posts are in my eyes, the reason this stupid situation has gotten to the point people have begun doxxing Toby and others, this in my eyes, is terrible, even for the ones making up these rumors and statements that are being doxed as well. I have no respect for those making up these things about my friend, however i think everyone deserves the right to feel safe in there own home without worrying about there information being leaked and something happening to them.
I have messaged Seirei who said to message her if you have more information or input as it says on her tiktok, explaining that Toby is indeed not a fucking creep towards me, is definetly not grooming me as I know the signs I have been groomed twice in my life for long periods of time such as 2-3 years starting before i was even a teenager, and about screenshots and things said about me in general regarding an old situationship. Seirei has not acknowledged my message along with another friend who has messaged her for a simple question.
Regarding the things with my ex situationship, i do not know why it is being brought up as it was irrelevant to this however all i will say is yes i sent her nudes however she did happen to start sending them first and it was a common thing for us to act sexual with one another, also one of the people who happens to be making accusations about Toby has told me i must not have sexual trauma if i sent nudes to her when I admitted i was a victim of sa and grooming which is a horrible thing to say to any victim to disregard what happened to them, it is not right and vile to do that to any victim no matter what abuse they have trauma and scars from, especially when some have developed hypersexuality from the trauma such as myself.
I would also like to discuss how these people accusing toby are hypocritical as well, they act like they have not done similar things while they have.
Robin, someone who started this mainly from what i know, loves to simp and support Jimmy Urine, who if you dont know who that is, he is a giant pedophile and was the singer of MSI(Mindless Self Indulgence). He has been charged with sexual battery against minors and they fully support this man and call him hot and basically drool all over him.
Virus is a person Toby used to be friends with before i came into the picture, a minor who said sexual shit and has wrote multiple in depth paragraphs about wanting to do sexual things with Toby as a minor before Toby finally kicked him from the server and blocked him entirely due to the shit he was saying. When i became friends with Toby I had heard stories about Virus as the server was still below 100 members(believe i was the 96th member after i messaged Toby asking if he had a server since his discord was on his IG) so the server was a close tight knit group with the moderators and there friends before it was opened for the public. After making it public Virus made MULTIPLE TikTok accounts and Discord accounts to join the server after being banned for his weird actions, how do we know? Because this dude kept posting art in his style, I was one of the people who analyzed the art as I am an artist myself, the eyes, nose, face shape, style, is all the same. He even presented us with a fake tiktok account, it was him in a red curly wig, same background as his other tiktoks. He is obsessed and seems to come back at least once every month or two.
Many others have made r34 of characters which is gross, like i mentioned before told me i couldnt have been sa’d and groomed if i sent nudes, someone tried accusing me that i was an adult talking to my situationship who is a minor despite the fact that my ex situationship was older than me, accused Toby of asking a minor to show him their tits as a joke meanwhile the “minor” i question is our friend Kat who is 23 so definetly a minor, people have called moderators who do there job mean, saying its wrong that we “shit talk” members meanwhile we only “shit talk” members if youre being stupid and we think its a possibility youll break the rules and start shit meanwhile these people accusing toby have servers and gcs on discord made for the purpose of shitting on Toby, myself, and other members of the staff in the crp server, and a bunch of other stuff.
As you can see, the list goes on with how hypocritical these people are, using things out of context to try and get the point across when all they are doing is lying to paint Toby in a bad light, its disgusting how they accuse Toby of being a groomer when this is who happens to be accusing him. Again to the rumor Toby is grooming me, i can fully state that no he is not grooming me, he has never acted romantically in any shape or form with me, he has never acted predatory towards me or any others, I mean if I dont text him, my dms are drier than the sahara desert with that man, hes not one to text first so sometimes i go a day or two without actually speaking to him. I know the signs of being a groomer from experience and research, Toby is not grooming myself or any others and its bullshit that people are accusing him based on messages taken out of context.
Thank you for reading🖤🖤❤️❤️
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(you)r sp and you ♡
i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail
a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.
FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).
“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.
people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.
you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.
lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.
so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!
and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!
after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.
nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you” think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.
lets talk about “free will”.
“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?
your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.
your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?
at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU
© itgomyway
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