#but you hate me
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You Or Me
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You reached across the divide,
Grabbing my pinky.
Your hand was warm,
But a sickness swirled inside me.
I pulled my hand back,
Swallowed a sob of guilt
That threatened to shatter me-
You must understand,
I will die here.
To think you went hungry
Because you could not eat from my hands,
To even consider the possibility
I had dreams once?
The building is falling in flames around us,
Fire from the way you wish I could
Just listen a little more,
And yet even then,
You stand in front of me
With tears?
Pulling on my shirt like a child,
Curling into a ball as if you didn't tell me my body
Was nothing,
That I was nothing,
You must understand.
You reached across the divide,
And I pulled away.
I will die here.
I will die here.
x
#poets on tumblr#writing#spilled ink#poem#spilled thoughts#original poem#sad thoughts#heartbreak#mental health#breakup#poems about loss#tw dv#tw mental abuse#sad poem#vent post#guilty#i will die here#tumblr is my diary#toxic relationship#you say you need me#but you hate me#you hate me
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You know I'm gonna be honest. I don't think all these apps really need access to my precise location
#hate hate HATE how every time i choose approximate location when an app asks me to enable location permissions#it always immediately pops back up with 'um excuse me 🤓 we need to know Exactly where youre located actually'#like no i dont think you do actually! and yet the fuckin app wont let me use it without telling them where i am down to the meter#rambling#greatest hits#hall of fame
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she fucked the grim reaper, she made a baby from scratch, she's a con artist and a scammer, she blew up the hindenburg, she sank the titanic, she served cunt, she's annoying and mean, she's traumatized, she's thee jolene, situationship so bad she's gaining custody of twins in the afterlife, she's even a lesbian!! agatha harkness most character of all time
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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can we please be more productive with our online time
#patch me through to palaven command#before you post - THINK!: is it - literally helpful for anyone to see ever#are you helping or are you just reminding people that they're hated. please.
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UY! PHILIPPINES!!!! PHILIPPINES!!!!
#hatsune miku#kasane teto#vocaloid#miku hatsune#cloudy draws#my art#art#fanart#digital art#vocaloid fanart#vocaloid art#miku#ty brazilian miku artists for inspiring me i loved doing this#however it is half assed i have building due tomorrow#but this was good stress relief i thank you miku#swagapino miku we love you they will never make me hate you#miku is national been loving all the art ive been seeing recently
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i stand with my canceled wife
#LEAVE HIM ALONE OKAYYYY#jayce they can never make me hate you#jayvik#jayce talis#jayce arcane#arcane
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like. imagine seeing your sibling at 18. and then not seeing them again until you’re 28. and then not seeing them again until you’re both 58. but you’re identical twins so every time you look in the mirror you wonder if this is what they would’ve looked like.
imagine never needing glasses but your brother did, and then in your adulthood your eyes get worse and you suddenly need glasses and you pick out the same frames your brother wore.
imagine always protecting your brother growing up cause he was different and kids picked on him. but you always protected him. and then you have a falling out and neither of you speak for years, and then finding out that in those years you didn’t speak, he was being isolated and tortured by a monster and didn’t think you’d come if he called. but then he calls and you go. and his house has blood on the floor in every room and writing on the walls and his journal devolves into paranoid ramblings. and you can’t protect him because you showed up and he got ripped away. and you can’t even ask him what the writing or the blood or the state of the house means because he’s gone. and you don’t have a penny to your name so you have to clean the blood up yourself and fix the house and live there. so you board up his room.
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#ford pines#pines twins#stanley pines meta#stanley they can never make me hate you#i was texting L and this tumbled out so it’s going on here
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not to be controversial bc I know this is like…not in line with shifting opinions on fanfic comment culture but if there’s a glaring typo in my work I will NOT be offended by pointing it out. if ao3 fucks up the formatting…I will also not be offended by having this pointed out…
‘looking forward to the next update’ and ‘I hope you update soon!’ are different vibes than a demand, and should be read in good faith because a reader is finding their way to tell you how much they love it. I will not be mad at this.
‘I don’t usually like this ship but this fic made me feel something’ is also incredibly high praise. I’m not going to get mad at this.
even ‘I love this fic but I’m curious about why you made [x] choice’ is just another way a reader is engaging in and putting thought into your work.
I just feel like a lot of authors take any comment that’s not perfectly articulated glowing praise in the exact manner they’re hoping to receive it in bad faith.
fic engagement has been dropping across the board over the last several years, and yes it’s frustrating but it isn’t as though I can’t see how it happens. comment anxiety can be a real thing. the last thing anyone wants to do is offend an author they love, and that means sometimes people default to silence.
idk where I’m going with this I guess aside from saying unless a comment is outright attacking me I’m never going to get mad at it, and I think a lot of authors should feel the same way. ESPECIALLY TYPOS PLZ GOD POINT OUT MY TYPOS.
#ao3#archive of our own#fanfiction#tbh even if I got a comment that said ‘I hate you I’m going to kill your family’ on chapter 75 it still means they read 75 chapters first….#it just makes me sad to see so many writers shouting into the void#and also see ppl complain openly about the specific types of comments they receive#posting screenshots on Reddit like ‘should I be mad at this’ CALM DOWN#sigh
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click for better quality/enlarged images!
and they'll be together forever! :]
foreshadowing
#gravity falls#my art#stan pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#stangst#gravity falls fanart#stan twins#pines family#book of bill#the book of bill#pines twins#PINES! PINES! PINES!#these two are making me so VIOLENTLY ill#explodes them with my mind#i cannot stop thinking abt them#gravity falls art#FUCK FILBRICK PINES#ALL MY HOMIES HATE FILBRICK PINES#also stancest dni thank you kindly!!
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female protagonists will literally go through 30 life altering traumas at the age of 16 and you ppl still have the audacity to call them annoying bc they cry about it and act like teenage girls
#you will never catch me on the hate train for a girl like leave her ALONE.#alina starkov#clary fairchild#katniss everdeen#katara#piper mclean#annabeth chase#elena gilbert#alicent hightower#danaerys targaryen#sansa stark#lucy gray baird#ddlc#amy march#beverly marsh#buffy summers#claudia iwtv#pretty little liars#eah#ever after high#atla#hope mikaelson#blue sargent#there are so many more but u get it
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a moment of peace before the whole world shatters 😇
get your own print here ❤️
#do you ever cry while touching your pinky to a strand of your besties unruly hair#I call this aesthetic “warm angst” :'D#geto taking the pining to the next level#I imagine this takes place after the big village event#but before gojo finds out about it#just geto taking a moment to say his farewell to the life as he knew it#christmas present for my satosugu obsessed buddy @kymsys who lovingly made me read the manga at gunpoint. I hate you (affectionately) ❤️#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#satosugu#stsg#satosugu fanart#stsg fanart#gojo satoru#geto suguru#jjk fanart#anime#fanart#digital art#art#artwork#gojo fanart#geto fanart
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mouse bites™
#anybody do this yet?#house md#hate crimes md#house md game#mouse bites#gregory house#hilson#james wilson#lisa cuddy#robert chase#allison cameron#eric foreman#house md meme#he needs mouse bites to live#shoutout to whoever made the house game generator thing#this took me way too long#house#dr house#also if you notice house's clothes kinda changing colors when he holds the mouse bite serum#its because i had to recolor it myself#i couldn't get the shades of gray to be exact#oh well#i also drew the nosebleed lmao#every house episode ever#generic house episode#editing this to say#this is not an original meme at all#I just ds-ified it tbh#ive seen some people not know it but i recommend you look it up#or like iykyk i guess
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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im so serious if you cant imagine a single female character u like or you coincidentally only care about men or imagine that women are a different species of human that are impossible to draw or write about or relate to, You are the problem. its not because you’re gay it’s because you do not like women
#There is not a Feminist Quota about how the evil feminists are going to FORCE you to think about any media you like#but some of you guys are just fucking misogynistic im sorry.#anyone who thinks fugo is the most deep and interesting character in p5 but hates trish for being boring owes me genuine real life money
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