#but you also have to realize that it creates this struggle with show don't tell

[apollos-boyfriend]

i quite enjoy hooky/marionetta but by god does their author have a goddamn fetish for timeskips

[thecosmicangel]

Do you feel you’re struggling with manifesting? Well here’s a manifesting rant + my experience & advice.

Hope you find it useful and helps you out 💗✨

You may not notice or realize but are you forcing things to happen? If you are too focused on "forcing" something to happen in the physical reality/3d it will just bring in more resistance & "blockages or delays", instead of trying to force the 3d to change or make it happen, focus on shifting your perspective, because if you are trying to make something happen or force it to happen it most likely means you still don't believe you have your manifestation & you don't believe in your power to make things happen. I must admit that when I was beginning loa and using affirmations I would affirm for hours expecting myself to get instant results ( I was forcing myself to see & make things change in the 3d through affirmations). I was thinking that the affirmations were going to bring me the manifestation but then I would see no proof or movement show up for me which would make me think I didn't have my manifestation and that affirmations weren't working, but I realized affirmations aren't going to make anything happen if my mindset was still not changing. I would affirm for hours and then look for evidence or signs everywhere, which was me assuming I didn't have what I wanted. I was expecting instant results in the 3D when my mindset was the same & NOT changing yet. Affirmations are a helpful method to help you shift your mindset to believe in your assumptions & shift into desired reality. Its not that affirmations create your desired reality, it just helps reprogram your mind to change your perspective. If you catch yourself looking at the 3d to prove you right so you can then believe its possible or that it's already yours, you are not standing firm in your belief that you are the god of your reality and still giving the 3d more validation than yourself. If you truly believed in your manifestation being yours & that it is already done ,you would let go of the need to force a change in the 3d / validation from the 3D. Trust that eventually with repeating your affirmations you will get to the point where you believe what you are affirming, you will also understand that you are the operant power & the only change you need to focus on is your mind, your affirmations will become your dominant thoughts and will start to reflect back to the 3D= you experiencing your manifestation in the physical reality.

Now I don't mean to discourage anyone because we are experiencing the human experience and it's normal to experience sadness, anxiety, anger, or be impatient. Whenever you catch yourself thinking from lack, having negative thoughts, doubts, fears or looking outside of yourself for validation remember to take back your power and remind yourself of your power as the god of your reality. Affirm that everything you want is already yours. Be gentle and patient with yourself, even though things can happen instantly & overnight it is also normal for it to take some time to see the inner change manifest into the outer world. All you have to focus on is thinking in your favor and making sure your thoughts are in line with the new story & stop giving power/attention to the old story or thoughts that are not in line with what you want.

Time is simply an illusion because as humans we experience things in a logical sense or pattern, look at time as a way of measuring a set of pictures in motion. Think of it as if we didn’t experience time everything would be like watching a fast forward video on a loop and eventually you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from the beginning, middle or end it would all just become a loop of pictures playing at a very fast speed and eventually the picture wouldn’t even be visible. The subconscious mind doesn't experience time, it is able to experience everything now that is why we are able to use our imagination. Tapping into the quantum field where infinite realities is possible with imagination. Think about it, whatever you want to imagine you could do so in this instant. Now i want you to imagine that you are in planet mars and it's snowing pink snow and you see a purple elephant walking in front of you. Did you imagine it? well you experienced that instantly as soon as you read it right? Well that's exactly what we mean when we say if you want validation go to your imagination/4d because the scene I described exist in the moment you imagined it you experienced by seeing it in your inner eye, you would only have to saturate your mind to believe you are there now and eventually you would see it in the physical form. Now some may say " well that's impossible because there's no way a purple elephant is in mars and its snowing pink snow" well that's not going to be possible for you if you have all those limiting beliefs, but if you were able to imagine it its very possible & real. Now some people may say " well its hard for me to visualize" well stop assuming that its hard. Start practicing visualization, start with small things and eventually work your self up to be able to visualize & be in your imagination with more ease.

Now let’s talk about dreaming, we all have dreams when we sleep right? Some dreams we don’t remember but we do most of them. I personally believe that dreams are our subconscious mind traveling to different dimensions or parallel realities, some dreams are more based on our subconscious programming, that is why you may dream of things you have been watching or hearing because our subconscious mind picks up on everything & our dreams are just a recollection of everything stored in our subconscious minds. Nightmares are just subconscious fears. Our subconscious mind is always telling us a story through our dreams about our deep beliefs or simply giving us glimpses of many infinite realities. This is why some dreams could seem prophetic because we get to travel different dimensions/ realities in our dreams. Lucid dreaming is when you become aware that you are dreaming which allows you to take control of your dream. Which is the same as real life, once you realize you are the god of your reality you are able to take control of your life and manifest what you want ( you are no longer sleeping on the fact of your power & who you are). Lucid dreaming can also be used as a portal to be able to astral project which is were your astral body is able to leave your physical body and you are able to go anywhere in the astral realm. The astral realm I would compare to our imagination/ 4D, where you can encounter other entities, spirits and things not visible to our naked eye. Now you see how you’re able to dream, lucid & astral project where so many things happen & time wasn’t a concern. Another phenomenon you hear so many stories of is people who go into comas for years and they wake up and say they remember the day before so for them time didn’t happen they simply woke up the next day, or some of them wake up and say they had a whole life while they were in a coma and wake up shocked that it wasn’t “real”. People are amazed at how such thing is possible but it may all be due to their subconscious being impacted due to accident/ trauma that put them in a coma which shifted them into a different reality, when they wake up from the coma they shift back to the reality they were in before the coma. (Now I have gone into a rant about dreams and parallel realities etc, so you may be like what’s your point? My point is that time is AN ILLUSION & that parallel infinite realities exist and we are always experiencing & have direct access to the quantum field everyday in our sleep/ meditative state, so why do you not believe that you are able to shift into your desired reality? Or rely so much on logic? Or just having doubts that affirmations aren’t working or doubting the law? The power of the subconscious mind is so big some can’t even comprehend how powerful it is!)

Now back to manifesting; A tip I would suggest is to meditate or take some time to pay attention to your thoughts or what your current beliefs are when you are not affirming, pay attention to any limiting beliefs, fears or doubts and why you have them. Once you catch these thoughts, replace those thoughts with the opposite affirmation , so for example if your manifesting an SP and you catch yourself thinking " what if he's with someone else" , " he's too busy to text me" or " what if it doesn't work out" make the affirmation " he only has eyes for me, he only wants me" ,"he always makes time for me, I am his top priority" , “everything is always working out in my favor all the time and things are better than I could ever imagine”. Stop worrying about the what ifs instead change your perspective to “ what if everything works out exactly or even better than I can imagine. " or affirm that you do not have any doubts about whatever it’s is you want. Basically for any negative thought simply replace it with the opposing thoughts that aids your new story.

Now remember even though you don't see movement in the 3d, trust that things are moving in your favor. Affirmations are a helpful method to shift your mindset in your favor, and helping you remove all limiting beliefs. Something that helped me realize I had my manifestations all along was that we are not "trying to get" our manifestation, what we are doing is removing all the limiting programming. We already have everything we want but the limiting beliefs, fears and doubts are in the way, giving off the illusion of lack. Fear is simply (False Evidence Appearing Real). Limiting perspective/ beliefs are obstructing our awareness that we already have our desires. We are already experiencing the life we want but we haven’t caught up to that moment yet in the 3D.

As always remember the power is in you, what you give your power/ awareness to becomes the dominant thoughts, which become your reality. So if you are seeing things that you don't want remember you gave it the power to become so, or it's simply just old programming playing out. The 3d, ego and time are always the last to the party. When you begin to reprogram your mind it might seem like all of the sudden opposing thoughts, fears and doubts begin to fill your mind but this is simply the ego trying to hold on to the old story, the ego is always trying to protect itself because it is scared of "dying"/change so it will do anything to protect you. The ego is aware of the internal change, it knows that what it knew & was familiar with is dying out so it goes into panic mode & fights for its survival. Just reassure yourself everything is fine, there is no reason to be scared and simply continue to feed into the new story that you want.

⚡️work on regulating your nervous system, there is tons of videos on YouTube with nervous system regulation meditations, and breathing techniques. I usually do this every Sunday to reset & regulate my nervous system, but you can also do this as needed if you are dealing with lots of anxiety.

⚡️Worrying/ doubting is giving power to the things you don’t want. ( as long as they are not your dominant thoughts they won’t manifest)

⚡️before I was able to receive my manifestation in the 3D I told myself to look at it as a movie , my desire was the end of the movie and everything in between was the unfolding / current reality / present moment. Even though I watched the ending only ( my assumption/ affirmations) I didn’t know how the movie was going to unfold. Even if the movie showed no clues or did not point at all to how it would it end, I already knew the ending of the movie so I wasn’t going to question it because I already saw the ending and knew it would happen for a fact. (If you are not seeing any movement, it doesn’t mean things aren’t happening for you, you will eventually be hit in the face with all your manifestation in full force).

⚡️From my experience I realized I had manifested my breakup with my sp, I realized I started to think of the worst scenarios, what could go wrong due to past relationships, I also started assuming that my sp was going to become distant and end things with me and that ended up happening. The same power I had to create the breakup was also the same power I had to bring us back together. When we were apart I realized how I had manifested/ created him to act the way he did whether for good or bad, this realization was shortly after I found the law of assumption. Sometimes it’s helpful to analyze or reflect back on how you have manifested previous things whether people/ money/ situations/ literally anything. It helps you become aware of your thoughts / beliefs or if certain methods helped more than others . For me I realized day dreaming or ( visualization ) is a strong method for me.

⚡️limit your loa, manifesting content to a few couple people. Too much information can lead you to feel lost or feel like you aren’t doing enough.

⚡️stick to a method / routine that works for you, you don’t have to try every single challenge or method. This implies you feel what you are doing isn’t enough or isn’t working.

⚡️you create your rules, you don’t have to stick to anyone’s rules, you don’t even have to take my advice you decide what you want to believe in or what you believe to work for you.

⚡️be patient with yourself!!!! Things can change in your favor at any moment now! If you are having a “bad day” and catch yourself spiraling, feeling anxious or everything is the opposite of what you are manifesting, simply give yourself some time to breathe and collect your thoughts, when you have ease down your nerves remind yourself that even with what you are being shown you can still change things because you are the god of your reality, nothing is impossible.

⚡️stop looking at the 3D for progress or proof!! Always go within.

-xoxo, the cosmic angel ⭐️🪽

[mariposa-writes]

Stressed - Travis Kelce

Travis Kelce x reader

Summary: Travis just wants to help you.

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: Trying to put more Travis fics out there, since there are barely any. This is my first time ever posting on here, please let me know what you think. Thanks and have a great day!

You sat at Travis's dining room table, looking over your stack of bills. It felt like they were never-ending, and it seemed like no mattered how much you worked there was never enough money.

You were constantly stressed, over everything. You couldn't even remember the last time you'd felt even slightly relaxed. The bills you received yesterday, were much higher than expected. Then you had to find time to work at your job while interning at KPMG, one of the top accounting firms. Not to mention you had 3 essays due soon along with multiple assignments. Plus Travis had some event he wanted you to attend, where you would officially be showing up as a couple.

You guys had decided to keep your relationship on the DL for the past year and managed to keep your relationship hidden from the public.

Travis placed a hand on your shoulder, making you jump. You hadn't even noticed that he'd gotten home. "Hey, it's just me." He chuckled, finding your reaction funny. You got up out of your chair, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. "Sorry," you mumbled before cleaning up the mess you'd created on his dining room table.

You quickly hid the bills under some of your notes, not wanting Travis to know you were struggling. You knew Travis all too well, knowing he would want to do anything he could to help you, whether that meant paying off your student debt or paying all of your bills. Hell, he'd probably even higher someone to write your essay's for you if you asked.

You were his world, and he was willing to do anything to make your life easier.

You quickly shoved the papers into your backpack, "I'll get started on dinner. I didn't realize what time it was." You said, getting ready to head into the kitchen.

"Hey," Travis grabbed your wrist, leading you back to him. "What's wrong?"

You blinked a few times, "Nothing, everything's fine. Just tired." You plastered a smile on your face, trying to be convincing. His eyes narrowed, clearly not believing you.

He sighed, deciding to let it go. "Why don't I cook tonight." He suggested, "You can go take a relaxing bath or something."

"Are you sure?" You asked knowing Travis didn't normally cook, "I can help if you want?"

"Babe, don't worry, I actually can cook, believe it or not." He laughed slightly.

"Not," you mumbled. You'd guys been together for a little over a year, and he hardly ever cooked. If you didn't feel like cooking, then you'd guys either order in, or he'd have his private chef come cook up a meal.

He slapped your butt as you turned to walk away, "I heard that." You laughed before rushing up the stairs to take a shower.

You loved Travis's shower, especially when he was with you. Sadly he was cooking dinner, so you had to enjoy the waterfall shower alone. At least you got to make the water scolding hot when you were alone, Travis always accused you of trying to burn your skin off with how hot you liked the water.

After your shower you changed into one of his shirts, that went to mid thigh on you and threw on some shorts you had in the dresser Travis had gotten for you 6 months ago.

You ventured down stairs with a smile on your face, feeling slightly relaxed after your shower. You could also smell the food from down stairs and it surprisingly smelled delicious.

Your smile quickly left your face when you turned the corner and saw Travis standing over your bag, with papers in hand. "What are you looking at?" You asked, despite already knowing what he was looking at.

Travis dropped the papers on the table, "Why didn't tell me you were struggling to pay your bills? Is this why you've been so distant lately?" His words were unexpected, you didn't think you'd been distant lately. You always tried to be in the present when you were with him.

You snatched the papers up and shoved them back into your bag. "You had no right to look through my stuff." You seethed. You couldn't believe he actually went in your bag and looked through your personal belongs.

"Well, I feel like I have to cause you'll barely talk to me anymore." Travis threw his hands up, frustrated at the situation.

You walked to the kitchen and grabbed your keys from the counter. You hated fighting and all you could think about was getting out of there before it got worse. "I have homework, I need to go home and finish it." You stated, walking out of his front door and to your car.

"Y/n" He called, following you. You ignored him, opening you car door and getting in. He caught the door before you could slam it shut. "Babe, don't leave please. We can talk about this."

"Trav," you pleaded. "I don't wanna fight right now. I just wanna go home."

"Bab-" you interrupted him by closing the door, starting your car and backing out of the driveway. He stood there watching you the whole time.

_____

The next day you had gotten up and went to your classes. Travis had been texting you all day, but you weren't responding.

You didn't know what to say, you felt like Travis had invaded your private information. Travis was an open book, he would tell you anything you asked. But you were more closed off.

You didn't trust people as easily as him. Maybe, because of the way you grew up. You learned to be independent form a young age and your mom always taught you to never trust anyone.

This caused some issues between you and Travis, even if you didn't realize. Like the time he bought you a car because, he didn't want you driving your old beater that had trouble starting up during the winter.

He worried that it would break down and you'd get stranded somewhere. Well, you're still driving that car and Travis has a spare car parked in his garage since he refused to return it.

You walked up to your apartment, feeling even more tired than normal. You hadn't been home all day, after your classes ended at 2 you went to the place you're interning at and worked until 6, then you went to your other job and worked till close.

It was now 11:15 and when you opened your door, you didn't expect to see Travis sitting on your bed. His head snapped up when the door opened and you walked through. "Trav, what-"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked through your stuff. I don't wanna fight, I love you so much baby and it kills me when you're mad at me." He was now standing in front of you cupping your face with his hands. "I just want to make your life easier. You could've told me you were struggling. I would've helped you pay your bills."

You sighed, leaning into his hand. Travis loved physical contact, while you were the opposite. You hated hugging your friends, or anyone for that matter. But when it came to Travis you craved his touch. "That's why I didn't tell you. I knew you would want to pay for everything and fix it. I can handle it myself, I've been doing it for the past 22 years. "

"Just cause you have been doing it doesn't mean you still have too. I'm here now, you're not alone anymore." Tears started to well up in your eyes.

"But what happens when I become dependent on you, and you leave me" He tried to cut you off, to tell you that'd never happen but you kept going. "Trav, you have literal super models in your dm's. What if you wake up one day and realize you don't wanna be with me and you want to be with one of them." You were crying now, you'd never voiced these fears to Travis. He wiped every tear that fell away with his thumb. "Then I'm alone and I don't know how to function on my own anymore, because I'm so dependent on you."

"Babe, I'm never gonna leave you." He knew where these thoughts were coming from. "I'm not your father, I would never leave you because I thought I found something better."

"How do you know?"

"Because I already know that you're the best there is." He took your hand in his. "Babe, we fit together so well. You fit with my family so well. Jason and his family love you, my parents love you, and most importantly I love you. So I'm begging you to stop shutting me out. Turn to me when you need help."

"I love you too Kelce." He leaned down, his lips meeting yours. His tongue slipped between your lips, making you moan. You were certain that he was the best kisser in the world. This continued for a few minutes, you growing wetter by the minute.

"Move in with me." He said, his forehead resting against yours. Your eyes widening, "and before you say no, just know that I've been thinking about this for a while. This isn't a split second decision."

Your mind told you no, but for once you decided to listen to your heart. "Yes." He smiled, before his lips meet yours again. He lead you over to your bed and you two had the best night of your life.

[aimasup]

just found some Valiant AU development sketches and notes in my old OLD sketchbook

I really thought it would be a webtoon

long post warning! And I mean long looooooooong post. If you get to the bottom and go "I'm not reading allat" I do not blame you

more under the cut:

^^^ OC

General notes:

This Valiant AU was meant to be a solarpunk superhero slice of life that slowly reveals a heavier plot, mostly focusing on character interactions and personal growth

White Hat Incorporated is a struggling, newbie business and clients are rare

The episodes can range from domestic shenanigans like fixing a leaking pipe or getting dinner, to running their business by defeating the villain of the week

The villains and heroes stay in their roles from canon. The only ones with major changes are our main 4 guys

All major information about White Hat would be discovered from the point of view of Lumencia and Zug as they realize that not only is PEACE corrupt, but that their boss is neither human nor demon nor alien

Now onto the characters themselves:

Dr. Zug Gleis

Like his name suggests, he likes trains. His train is also a drill that was an attempt to burrow out of government's arrest

Which he then modified into a laboratory, each train cart being a unique kind of laboratory for surveillance, medicine, etc. He sleeps very uncomfortably in cramped spaces and likes it that way

V.I.R.U.S is now a software he created and repurposed into his bratty computer assistant, now Cambot. She's also the one recording all their commercials and making his coffee. Basically Zug doesn't get along with ANY of his children

He doesn't like to leave his laboratories, so he set up a network of tunnels through White Hat's mansion that send and receive messages, inventions, food, etc. There's one little chute for these in most parts of the place

His arc was focusing on his inability to accept help from others because he sees any kind gesture as a possible way to control him. Even worse if the kind person genuinely means it, because he also sees accepting kindness as a handicap, a debt

His villainy was an easy way to make money and show the world his capability without any assistance from any hero or villain organization

Really, he just wants to be able to do whatever he wants, but his need to be the best or else he's the worst is tiring for him. Anger issues don't help

This stemmed from a past of constantly being bullied and compared to his brother, Goldheart

After dropping out of hero college, Zug became his own supervillain's known as The Mad Condoctor, whose theme was, you guessed it, trains. He stole trains, modified scrap metal, targeted stations and trade centers, held hostages, prepared puzzles for heroes to solve, etc

The Mad Condoctor was notorious for being uncooperative and a backstabber. He operated at night and was an expert in secret missions, spyware and tech-based combat and the likes

By the first season finale he would have genuinely cared for his coworkers but still didn't value his own life, so he let himself be taken in by PEACE. The crew have to go retrieve their idiot and many things about White Hat Incorporated are revealed to the public after they clash with their local PEACE headquarters

He finds authority annoying and hates seeing people kiss up. Mostly shameless in his actions and doesn't much care for other people's opinions. Can be honest to the point of hurting

So he is a terrible liar. It's like he's allergic to it or something. Prefers to lie by omission

Will only call White Hat 'sir' and 'jefecito' sarcastically or to get a point across. Unfortunately hopelessly devoted to him at the end of the series whoops

Lumencia

A superwoman with horse-like powers that decided to choose unicorns as her motif because that's way cooler. She has kicks and punches that convert her diet into energy, which is great because she loves eating

Changed it up so that Lumencia is the resident prankster and WH tells puns, not the other way around

She has a room with a slanted ceiling which she can climb out the window of to lie and chill on the roof. She's also converted that space, where flat roof meets slanted roof, into an outdoor cinema/gym, decorated with christmas lights. The mansion is a three-way clash of decorative styles from afar

She doesn't have a license to be a hero, but she helps out wherever she can anyway, stopping purse snatchers and helping lost children find their parents and such

In fact, she is actually one of the most beloved people in the little town they live near, with many residents familiar with her buffoonery but affirming her as a reliable source of help

She's also relatively well-known online, as she posts videos of her playing the guitar and well-intentioned but nonsensical 'Lumencia Tips', filled with terrible puns and comic-like ballpoint pen doodles

Her arc would have focused on letting herself acknowledge her strengths that aren't related to fighting

Shes very buddy-buddy with petty criminals and shop owners alike, able to strike up a conversation and make pals no matter who they are. Once she deems you chill, you can chill, yknow? This isn't on purpose.

Even though she has gross taste in food and is messier than Zug, her handwriting is very pretty and neat. She also is very good at graffiti and sticks to an aesthetic, with glitter and y2k stickers and denim-clad wizards on skateboards, all the works

She has a very straightforward view on heroics and is not big on plans, preferring to punch her way out of situations or annoy her enemies to tears. In fact, her main goal is to become an official part of one of the many PEACE-brand hero leagues.

There's other hero corporations too but PEACE is the number one in America

So one day she just showed up on White Hat's doorstep and never left because it would 'look good on her resume'.

Previously, she bounced from place to place, relying on connections and the occasional tip from her halfway-illegal heroism efforts to get by. She also doesn't remember where her powers are from, only that her parents worked at PEACE and where killed by 'villains' when she was a little girl

Her favourite place is the funfair because that's the last nice memory she had

By season two she would have started another arc where she learns that she was an experiment and her parents were killed by their own higher ups in PEACE to silence them, and she has to come to terms with why she even wants to be a hero as well as stand her ground when her optimism is challenged.

Lumencia's music is like whatever Equestria Girls and Electric Mayhem have going on. I think the genre is power pop? Either way it sounds like those elaborate 80s radical van murals look

Is an effortless liar in the sense that she says the most batshit things with utmost confidence and treats consequences like an afterthought.

Only calls White Hat 'White Hat' and not 'boss' when she feels the situation calls for it. Also unfortunately hopelessly devoted to him by the end of the series

624

An extra set of hands that cleans the place and helps out with their little business. Does not like being interuppted when listening to music

Goes from 'fucking hate these guys' to 'they give me food therefore they are mine' in the span of the entire series

Quite lazy, plays the winning side. Which is usually the heroes here

Dunno if I'd call his arc an arc. All I know is there's an episode where his spoilt teenager-ismd hits their peak and Zug and Lumencia have to reach an understanding with him by respecting his boundaries and helping him feel secure

And after that episode, 624 stopped being a total catalyst for disaster plotwise

White Hat

He is one of the comic reliefs and manages White Hat Incorporated, often making really stupid decisions because profit is not on his mind

The final voice I settled on for him was fucking Australian Markiplier

His "growth" would be the characters and readers seeing him to actually be a caring, experienced-in-heroics-but-not-business individual who gives really sound advice and becomes a source of comfort for his close friends

But is still a MEGA-PRICK. Every time he gets beat up it's for a valid reason

In canon, villainy triumphs because Black Hat is there. In the Valiant AU, the story is in the heroes' favour because White Hat is in his place.

I wanted him to be (mostly) opposite to Black Hat in many ways! BH's office is huge, minimalistic, corporate and cold, while WH's office is small, maximalistic, filled with sentimental items and like a warm cabin.

BH basks in hellfire and while WH does use fire, he prefers the ocean. BH enjoys golf, WH enjoys dancing. BH takes himself seriously, WH very much doesn't. BH detests everything, WH has an appreciation for everything. And etc...

They're still horrible creepy eldritch monstrosities, the fish theme for WH is just because he likes ocean shit and fish are scary

BH has made himself known globally and universally, he has statues and monuments and paintings

WH has nothing; White Hat is five years old. This is his first time being White Hat

But he's been around since the beginning of time, taking many forms and names, learning the wonders of the universe and giving all of his time to help however he could

He believed this to be natural, he's the one of a kind who doesn't need rest or food. He can't die or get really hurt, and would later learn he couldn't bear to love either

Some of the things he was included many plants and animals before the humans, then farmers and warriors, witches and politicians, an entertainer vigilante, a writer, a parent, a fur-clad warrior in the snow, guiding forces of nature, and a female pirate.

I wanted him to cycle through the entire alignment chart in terms of morality as he exhausted everything he could do to make a difference

After World War 2 on earth, his psyche gave out and he collapsed into a long, long nap; a shadow pooling in a lake, his favourite

Finally woke up and decided to take his own form not based on any species or star or tree, chose his own outfit and everything

And made his debut as White Hat, forged documents to start a small business for heroes support

He doesn't have an arc, but if he did, he would be in the midst of learning to let himself get attached again and be properly selfish. Maybe identity issues.

But he doesn't have an arc

And so really only serves to help out Zug and Lumencia. He's comfortable with no one knowing these things about him ever, because what would they even do if they did?

Wouldn't change anything, they wouldn't understand the full scope even, so he's at peace with himself right now, grateful that he's alive for once

He uses manipulation to direct conversations away from himself and get people to spill their feelings, or burrow into their trauma without using magic

if he wants he can let loose to trigger some kind of indescribable primal instinct within a person, that cripples them with terror and despair and love for the sublime face of something divine, bigger than the observable universe. He doesn't like doing this.

He's a fan of ice and shadow manipulation, he thinks the colours go well with his coat

Most animals hate him and he cries about it

He also cries when he tries to download an app on a laptop

He is a competent medical doctor, babysitter, and waiter. In fact, he seems to have infinite patience and calm when he isn't whining over dessert like a toddler

The human skeleton hanging in his office is real

Hopelessly attached to Lumencia, Zug and 624 by the end of the series but they don't need to know that

This AU will forever make me warm and fuzzy inside I love them so much, I had so many locations planned, started Pinterest boards and shit

Instead I think I'll take some of these things and apply them to my OCs instead! HUGE thanks to everyone who enjoyed this version of this AU while it lasted! Maybe it'll come back one day, maybe not. Likely not

[yannaryartside]

WE NEED 5 SEASONS

Okay I need to vent a little. Please indulge me

This is for this article that says the 5th season is up to Storer.

Storer said they filmed most of season 4, and some things still need to be filmed. So we will have s4 next summer, and we don't know if there will be a 5th one.

I could put my hand on fire to my belief that we will have 5 seasons. Mostly, because regardless of the importance of showing “being trapped in negative patterns” that was s3 for multiple characters, is not gonna be a satisfying conclusion if all those patterns are resolved in one season.

Realistically, i would not make sense.

Even if you think Claire is Carmy’s salvation, this graceful, perfect angel that came to serve Carmy’s redemption, and when they get together, everything will be fine (that narrative sucks ass, by the way, is perpetually insulting to everyone that had ever had a mental illness to suggest them they only need to fall on the hands of someone that ignores all their defects and are determined to please them). You could believe this is all about self-sabotage, and Carmy will wake up next season, apologize to Claire, save the restaurant by ex-maquina magic, and get his happy ending. Yeah, that will be 4 seasons of a conclusive story and an objectively terrible narrative. It is also very insulting to every person who has a romantic partner who struggles with addiction and/or mental illness to tell them they need to be this fairy tale of a person who is Claire to bring "peace" to their partner and basically solve their life. Fuck that. I refuse to believe they are doing that on purpose.

But if they put the “sleigh of hand” and Carmy has to realize that his emotional dependence on Claire is toxic and only contributed to his depression and disassociation, since you spent all S3 pulling him in that direction, making him believe that is what he wanted/needed, you are going to need a whole season for him even to “scape the illusion.” All of this will align with the Bear having to close, Syd potentially leaving, and starting dating Luca. So, S4 is going to be the “wake-up call.”

S5 should be the season of creating new patterns. Carmy will get into therapy. Syd will come back. The two will create new recipes and work on the menu (collaboration, vulnerability). They will realize they have true feelings for one another. Each character will move towards the place they are gonna end up with.

If you created a whole season about "being in the freeze response" and another two previous seasons of extending trauma and bad coping mechanisms, you are gonna need more than one season to fix that; mental wellness is not like that; it should be treated like something that requires more time combined with efforts.

Not to mention, if SydCarmy is indeed happening, you have spent 3 fucking seasons creating distance between them. I also feel like so much of Sydney's life (to her and to us) is trapped around Carmy's issues, and it actually would make more sense for her to realize being with Carmy is too taxing for her, regardless if she had the most realistic tools to actually help him to grow.

You also had not given Sydney a proper arc to grow from her insecurities and follow her dreams. She still seems to be as insecure of her own skills as when she came in, because Carmy insist on creating a menu based on his trauma. Regardless of his good intentions and the beauty of their connection, she will leave the "bear narrative" as if Carmy is the closest thing she had to a chef David, as if Carmy was the monster she needed to endure to "grow" or "decide better." Fuck that.

[thousandyearphantombunker]

The Owl House Critical Post, scroll away now I don't know if I am being too harsh in this post but I wrote it anyway so if you don't wanna read something potentially upsetting this is a warning (to those who decide to read please tell me if I'm being too harsh)

I remember initially hating how the show handled its villains, they all felt like jokes, they never felt like threats or like they provided a meaningful challenges for the main cast, they never had any real depth or complexity. but i bit my tongue, I was told that I was basically a dumbass for complaining that Bump openly breaks a law that's supposed to be punishable by death so that Luz could fulfill her witchy fantasy and that he wasn't arrested. the show could've had him make the multiclass student thing be something underground- boom it lets luz live out her fantasy but doesn't ignore what was established about the setting and creates potential stakes if these underground classes ever got discovered! That already made me angry but the cult thing is what I wanted to complain about- i only had basic ass knowledge about cults and TOH fails at portraying that crap, most people in the EC can just quit and do so in a way that makes it feel like they're just quitting a job, it doesn't feel like they fear losing their friends or sense belonging and community, they don't feel like they're anything but jokes. Leaving a cult is scary, often times cults will send their followers into the real world and set them up to have bad experiences so they'll come running back, they'll hire thugs to scare them into staying or position them in away so that they suffer (sending them out without money or the skills to survive), they humiliate those who begin to ask questions so that they stay in line. guilt tripping, putting members against each other, cutting off contact with the rest of the world! The show only adds the whole 'forced to fight on a mountain' thing for flavor! Everytime it brings up actual stuff cults do it feels like it's more for flavor than actually writing this topic with sensitivity- look at how they treat Lilith! Imo It feels like the show insulting people for ever trusting belos, treating them like they're braindead and could've just realized fairly easily that he was evil. It's the most egregious with hunter who was basically fucking born into the EC. the show is also pretty black and white, which is curious for a show that gets praise for its portrayal of religious trauma. You think the show would be more grey. I did deeper research into cults and just got SO tired of people talking about how good the show was at conveying such a heavy topic. The titan reveal also doesn't help- Luz is told by an all powerful deity that she is the chosen one basically and is told that old man is evil and needs to go down- isn't that the same justification that belos uses for his actions- not saying belos should've gotten redemption or forgiveness but this feels wrong. He deserved to die don't get me wrong but using this justification feels gross. What's even worse is that the titan made Philip's life harder on purpose- ah yeah that brainwashed cult victim would totally change his mind especially if you make his life harder- yeah I would've preferred if belos was depicted in a flashback just having a bad time on the boiling isles and cherry picked those bad experiences to justify his actions. Also I hate that the show just writes belos off as greedy and glory seeking when it could've conveyed a message about how people can get absolutely get warped by religious dogma. I do wonder though if I'm being too harsh because TOH is for kids and I was told it would be hard to portray this stuff in a way kids could understand. I can come up with ways to make the breaking the law openly thing less egregious but I am struggling to think of ways the show could have handled the cult thing, I am aware that maybe I'm accidentally saying stuff that is kind of bad faith but this is my truth. I feel like TOH wasn't good at villains and it sure as hell didn't write cults well

[divineerdrick]

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Up8 for July 25 (?) 2024

Well that was fast!

I have to admit I started seeing spoilers to this alerting me it was up first, but I was one of the people that got bit by the bug where it wasn't updating. But I switched browsers and it seems to be working now.

Though we don't have a time update, this is obviously wearing on Vriska. I wonder just how long she's been doing this for.

"i, wANT,,,, tO PLAY A GAME"

We could argue Vriska was already doing that. In fact from the way the proceedings have been described that's exactly what she's been doing. But of course, we know what game Tavros wants to play.

Wait . . . does Vriska not even know that much about Tavros? Like, I knew given the chance he'd want to play fiduspawn. Does she really understand him that poorly? Wow.

Huh! It looks like they actually FLARPed. I would have thought for sure Tavros would have wanted to play fiduspawn instead. Maybe he was worried Vriska would rag on him for it? He also could have chosen FLARP because he knows Vriska likes it.

Oh wow! Is she going to realize it? Winning was never the point! Tavros had fun this time! It's obvious that she was so worried about beating him and the "session" making her do everything again, that she pulled her punches enough for him to enjoy himself. He got to actually enjoy the game he was so excited about!

And can I say, it's always nice to see Tavros happy.

By accident, Vriska ran the game in a way they could both enjoy. They could both have fun! Will she realize that's why things are going well though?

She's not grasping it. As Sally "thewertsearch" realized in her ongoing liveblog, winning is life or death to Vriska. It's impossible to be fine with losing, let alone happy about it. That's been beaten into her so badly, is she even capable of realizing there's another way?

"That is quite possi8ly the gayest thing I have ever heard someone say, Nitram." Wow! Is she using gay as a slur? Been hanging around Dave too long!

Yep! We can blame Dave for that one!

Hah! You catch on fast, Nitram! And just like that, Tavros has turned it against her.

Yeah, she's not getting it. Yes, Alternia is stacked hard against Tavros. And he can't seem to do anything about it. And nothing Vriska did ever helped him. And if it weren't for SGRUB, he'd probably be dead. So what? He's just supposed to mope and be angry and miserable all the time? He's not allowed to find joy or pleasure in things? And as we saw, he does feel down and depressed a lot. But that doesn't mean he's always going to be that way, especially if he just did something he enjoys doing.

Wow! There's a deep cut. That was like all of one panel where it showed Tavros struggling with getting into his recuperacoon and mentioned how he always had trouble sleeping. I don't think it ever got brought up again before now.

Yeah, this Tavros may be pretty accurate, but he's apparently still a construct. Of what, I'm still not sure. But again, the machine holding The Plot Point was created by Caliope and Roxy. I mentioned how strong that could be previously. So Tavros can tell Vriska the point, and still be unaware of what any of it means.

"I think if a certain uppity human was here, she'd call it 'projecting.'"

She did spend a lot of time around Rose. Man. There's some real potential for verbal sparring that we missed with the Retcon's time skip.

The Rufioh comparison is actually pretty apt. The "Tavros" Vriska is expecting or demands doesn't exist. She's never thought of him as anything but another goal, another game to win.

Man, that probably would have helped Tavros quite a bit to know she's always been a mess. Vriska has never had the positive self image she projects. It would have likely been quite a relief for him to understand just how fake her bravado often was.

I think Vriska might be starting to realize Tavros is right. Not only is he right, but what he's suggesting might actually be what this "scenario" demands of her.

And now Tavros is ribbing her about playing a blue blood. I've always guessed that Vriska bought into the hemospectrum more than she let on. If only because so much of her world view was shaped by Alternia's demands.

Vriska's turning this around again. Potentially quite viciously. But Tavros isn't rejecting it completely either.

Bam! There it is! Now I'd note I still don't think she's fully listening to him, but she actually did try this time. And yeah, her realization is true. But then Alternia is a crazy place.

Fucking Aradiabot jumpscare!

That legitimately threw me! I was not expecting that! Also, more God Tier art! Look how absolutely menacing and ominous she is!

Well Vriska should know this place well, but she's probably more surprised than I am.

"m0re accurately this is the b0ss fight t0 drive the p0int home"

And she's one hell of a boss!

Vriska really did get everything she wanted when Aradia killed her, or at least what she thought she wanted.

This feels familiar of some other, Homestuck adjacent media.

"y0ure n0t here t0 be redeemed vriska y0ure here to gr0w up"

That's a double slap to the face! Also appropriate and needed.

Everything has to have a purpose, a justification. Every tool has a use and every person a role. Vriska cannot conceive of a world where anyone is enough. And because of that, she can't conceive of a world where she is enough. She has to be saving everyone's butts, even if they hate her for it, because that's why she's here. If she's not doing that, then there's no reason for anyone to care about her.

Somewhat reminiscent of a certain Narrator and his goals . . .

"light players define themselves by their direct acti0ns and understanding"

Yes! More information on aspects! Someone knows there's still a bunch of us lore and theory nerds around!

Fucking. God. TIER!

And now we're in the Quest Cocoon, sans a traumatized Tavros.

We never really got much of seeing Team Charge together and happy. I absolutely love it.

Hah! Look at that fucking echeladder! "DANTE 8ASCO'S INFERNO" XD

And that's the end of that part of the VN!

That was so fucking good! I'm so excited and spun up now! And I have to go to bed! Settlers of Kalguur starts tomorrow and I still haven't settled on a build!

But who cares! I'm loving this so much! I hope you're all enjoying this too!

[staplegrapes]

Bust a Move (Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader)

Description: Omaha convinces the squad to go line dancing. For as much as you enjoy dancing by yourself, you can't seem to peel yourself off the wall. You hope to be am invisible bystander, but that doesn't fly with Bradley Bradshaw.

Word Count: 2.6K

TW: None

A/N: It is implied the reader is either a pilot or WSO but it does not go into detail. No use of Y/N.

✨Gender Neutral Reader✨

When Omaha suggested line dancing after training today, you were fully convinced the pilot was joking. Never, once in your months of working with him, had he mentioned it before. Sure, he was from the Midwest, it made sense, but still. You would never have guessed that 5 hours later you would be watching Omaha absolute kill it on the dance floor.

You had heard of Dixon's Country Bar in passing. Even having never been through these doors before, the wooden floor, cowboy memorabilia on the walls and the dim lights didn't surprise you one bit. What surprised everyone is that it appeared Omaha was a regular here given the remarks thrown his way the moment your crew walked through the door.

"Neil! Good to see you bud!"

"Hey! Save some chicks for the rest of us!"

"These your pilot friends?"

When did this man have time? You wouldn't claim to know everything about him, but it feels like you should have known this. Makes you wonder what you don't know about the rest of the squad. But at least now you knew how well they danced.

Rooster, Payback and Fritz picked it up without any issues. You knew Rooster and Payback could dance, but there's a difference between just dancing and picking up choreography as fast as they currently are with no practice. Or maybe they did have practice? Were you the only one who didn't line dance on the weekends? Well, obviously not.

Harvard, Yale and Fanboy were doing their best to keep up with the other three. A little stumble here and there was pretty normal, but they were doing well enough you were slightly impressed. But if a dance had too many spins or was too fast, the three of them often excused themselves off the floor to grab another drink.

And then there was Bob.

Oh, Bob.

You could have predicted this, but Bob was... struggling. Despite both Phoenix and Halo attempting to help him out, it was a battle. He seemed to always get the hang of it by the end of the song, which seemed frustrating. You couldn't tell by his face though. He was having a blast and that is all that mattered.

Coyote was quite good at this as well. Early in the night his smooth moves were catching plenty of looks. Yet, you didn't see much of those moves later on. He was now on the sidelines cashing in on some of those looks, trying to "pick up some digits" as he would say. Same with Hangman, except he barely tried to dance, just flirt, as usual. You barely saw the man step foot on the dance floor unless it was to follow some girl.

Not that you could judge honestly. Your crew had already been here an hour and you had yet to even inch near the dance floor. And it seemed odd, since you've always liked dancing alone in your kitchen. The unfamiliar environment and your lack of knowledge of these dances created some sort of invisible glue between your shoulder blades and the wooden wall. You should have realized you were gonna be the stick in the mud tonight. You should have stayed home. But no one seemed to notice too much. They were all having a great time, so you continued to sip your drink and enjoy the show. So there you stand, homing all the drinks, past and present. That was to be your excuse if anyone were to ask.

Harvard downed his third beer as he headed back for the dance floor. You looked back down to your drink. It was slightly cooler than room temperature now. You weren't the designated driver, but you also just didn't feel like drinking here. If you were gonna dance, which you kept saying you were gonna do you weren't gonna be able to do it well, inebriated.

You weren’t having a bad time. Watching your colleagues drunkly dancing was quite amusing. Watching Bob have the time of his life was nothing short of joyful. Still, something was uneasy in your chest. You felt like a burden for not being able to leave the wall. Either way, you stayed and watched, breathing through the slight anxious feeling in your chest.

It was well into the night, despite this, Rooster was still wearing his sunglasses. He felt they added to his ensemble. It also made it easy to keep stealing glances of you from the side. Something about the way you were standing there was setting off alarms in his head. He could tell something was off. Not that you were one to cut loose often and be the center of attention, but you didn’t seem genuinely content in your spot. Maybe you weren't feeling well? Maybe something or someone made you uncomfortable? Maybe you were tired? Was training rough on you today? Whatever it was, he saw through the facade.

Between songs he decided to go check on you. Slapping Payback and Omaha on the shoulder as he passed by, he slips off the crowded floor. As the lights changed between songs, growing brighter, even with his aviators he was struggling to see you as he got closer.

You saw him making his way over. Oh boy, you knew he was gonna tease you about this. You just didn't have the same ability to let go and relax like he did. That's what you liked about him. You always worried your inability to do just that was what he didn't like about you. As he gets closer and out of the lights, he pulls his aviators off and hooks them onto the collar of his tank top.

"That wall heavy?" He asks in a raised voice as the next song begins to blare over the sound system.

"Huh?" You're not sure if you heard him right. He walks up next to you, not quite so close to the wall, but close enough to hear you over the crowded room.

"I mean, you're holding that wall up. It's a pretty big wall, with all that wood paneling..." He nods towards the wall.

"Oh shut up." you chuckle.

He smirks as he takes another sip of his drink that's been keeping you company at the table. Looking back to the dance floor as the song hits it first repeat, he turns back to you.

"So, what's the song?" He questions, looking down to you without dropping his head. His expression is one of pure intrigue. As if whatever the answer is, is something that he's been dying to ask you. Yet, you don't even know what he means.

"What song?"

"What song is gonna get you out there?" nodding towards the floor.

You shrug. "I dunno. I don't really know any of these, let alone the dances."

"You wanna hear a secret?" He whisper-yells (the softest he could possibly speak and you'd still hear him), leaning down to you. You tilt your head in his direction.

"Me neither." He smiles.

"Yet, somehow you're nailing all these dances?" You retort unconvinced giving him a playful smack on the side of his face which he attempts to block with a grin. He nods his head laughing.

"I wouldn't say I'm 'nailing' them all. Did you see me during that Watermelon one? I had no clue what was happening."

"You're telling me you've never done this before?" you press further.

"Well," he leans back against the wall, "not never, but it's been awhile." his silence is not enough for you and he catches your expectant look before shrugging and continuing. "I had a few friends college who'd go out line dancing once or twice a month. I tagged along occasionally. The songs are different now."

You hummed as your eyes wandered back towards the dancing. A few minutes of silence holds over the two of you.

"So what is it then? You're shy?" He looks down into his drink. You shrug, not knowing if he sees it or not, but silence would answer his question, so it is just as well.

"I dunno, Rooster. I just can't seem to peel myself off this wall."

"Well, is there room for two?" He leans closer to you in an endearing manner.

"No, Roos, go back, you don't have to stay up here with me."

"I've been dancing for an hour. I want a break."

"Suit yourself" you mumble into your drink.

"You want me to keep dancing when I claim to be exhausted? What if I pass out?"

"I'm sure someone will give you mouth to mouth." you smirk. He smiles turning back to face the crowds.

"I'm sure you would."

You blush. How was he so casual about throwing comments around like that? Your comment implied he was getting attention, nothing more you made sure of it. Did it not phase him that he just implied the two of you... Bradley Bradshaw. "You’ve been hanging with Hangman too long." you say, diverting your face away from his gaze as casually as possible.

He laughs. A full laugh. He has such a good laugh. It puts you at ease. For a moment, you're able to forget you're blushing at his comment and this feeling of overwhelming anxiety from this whole night. It's just you and him joking as usual.

You two stand there for awhile more. Some of the crew tries to pull Rooster back to the floor, but he just shakes his head. You can't stop the small feeling of joy when Rooster chooses to stay with you. Makes you feel your company cannot possibly be THAT bad.

"You dance though, don't you?" he questions

"Uh yeah, once in awhile. Why?"

"Your foot is tapping right now." he quips, his gaze dropping to your foot.

You freeze up, realizing he's right. He pushes himself off the wall with his shoulder to get a better look at you offering you a hand.

"Alright, you're gonna dance at least once. Deal?"

You wanted to say no just to avoid the situation. But the way he had come up to check on you, the way he's staying with you without actually making you feel guilty, you couldn't leave him hanging. You take his hand and shake it.

"Um, sure." You mumble. He smiles as he goes back to lean on the wall again.

"We'll wait for a good one." He notes with a wink as the two of you watch some girl reject Hangman for the third time that night. It was just not his night.

Your situation aside, you and Bradley were marveling over the fact there had yet to be one song Omaha didn't know. Every song he breezed through it like it was as easy as reciting the alphabet. The two of you could pick out the other regulars, but most of them had certain ones they were less familiar with. That was not the case with Neil "Omaha" Vikander. His consistency was popular with the crowd for sure. It was endlessly entertaining to see this new side of him.

"Alright, here it is." Bradley says, shaking you from your thoughts a few songs later. He grabs your (finally) empty glass placing it on the table along with his, grabs your wrist and pulls you towards the floor. In that moment you finally feel your shoulders leave their contact from the wall and it felt great, still your stomach was doing backflips in an anxious response. You would have likely felt more anxious if it had not been for Rooster's firm but comforting grip on your wrist as you two navigated the crowd. Eventually he found a spot near the back edge of the floor. No one would be trying to walk through there, or hopefully look back there. You were nervous enough as it was.

As you attempted to calm yourself, you realized you recognized the song.

"Footloose? Really?" You ask him, as the extended intro played. He beams at your familiarity with the song.

"Of course! It's a classic. One of my mom's favorites." You didn't miss how his smile lit up a little more when he mentioned his mom.

"Isn't this song fast?" You question.

"It's not that bad. It's pretty easy. Just follow me ok?" you nod as your eyes dark around the floor but Rooster slaps your arm lightly to grab your attention. "Don't worry about the people around us. They're doing their own thing.” And you then noticed how he had put you in the spot closest to the corner, that way you only had one person in front of you and him next to you. You appreciated the less pressure of this spot and he probably knew that. Before you could think too hard about it, the song started to pick up.

"You ready?" He smiles to you doing a few hops shaking out his shoulders.

"No clue." you shrug with a smile. No going back now.

And he was right. The dance itself really was not too hard to pick up. Were you a natural? Not in the slightest. Yet, you felt like you did much better than you had actually expected. Some of the moves weren't far from what you did in your kitchen. When you do mess up you look to Rooster who starts you talk you through it with a smile and a string of encouragements "There you go!", "That's it," "A natural, what did I tell ya?". It calmed you just enough to pick up the moves before the next verse. Every few moments when you were actually getting the moves, you'd dare to look over to Rooster who would be looking right back at you with a wide grin splitting his face. When the song ends you can't help but laugh looking back to him

"Hey, that was great." He raises his hand and you give him a high five. The two of you are just smiling at each other before you're interrupted.

"Aye, you finally made it down here!" Payback calls out, making his way over. "C'mon give it another song!" He does a little shimmy and you smile. Once you got out here it was easier, it was just that initial push off the wall. So that's what you did and yes, you were not good. But having Payback and Rooster beside you, it didn't feel like you were being a bother. Both of them were just glad you were on the floor. The whole squad, minus Coyote and Hangman who are still trying their best to not leave here alone tonight, migrated their way towards the three of you and it was a good time.

Eventually the night comes to an end as 2 AM hits the clock. The crew, including Coyote and Hangman, heads outside and after saying farewells heads in different directions. Of course, Bradley and you are the only two who are parked in the same direction. So you walk in a comfortable silence down the street.

"Thanks for helping me get out there tonight." you thank him after a few moments.

"I didn't do much. You just needed a push." He shrugs.

"Yeah, but if you hadn't, I wouldn't have had as much fun as I did."

He nods silently. A block passes by and he finally breaks his uncharacteristic silence just as your car comes into view.

"Hey, if you want to, we can always go again." he adds nonchalantly.

"Yeah, I kno..." but he cuts you off before you say any more.

"Just the two of us." he finishes.

You pause, processing what he just said.

"Figured maybe that would be less pressure." He shrugs, obviously trying to ease the tension his last phrase just created.

"I might have to take you up on that." You smile, having a hard time looking up from the ground the closer you get to your car, feeling his eyes are still on you.

"Hey," He calls and you know he's trying to get you to look at him, which you grant him that silent request.

"I hope you do." He tilts his head down in sincerity.

"Have a goodnight." He smiles and pats the side of your upper arm, as he spins around and heads back towards his Bronco.

"You too! You smile standing by your car.

He turns back as he continues walking.

"Already did." he chimes with a wink.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Every summer is gonna be a Top Gun summer from here on out.

[iridescentpull]

Letter from Anthony to Ian (August 24, 2017)

**NOTE: There might be a few spelling mistakes so I apologize! This is a transcript of Anthony's letter put together for your reading!**

------------

Ian,

Hello old time friend. I have a lot to say to you that has remained unsaid for many years.

First, I want to thank you for being such a great friend to me in my very fragile teenage years. I came from a broken home with very little money and no means to explore the world outside of suburban Carmichael. You introduced me to your loving family, who welcomed me and loved me with open arms. They helped me travel and showed me a way of life that I hadn't been exposed to. You personally were supportive and overall were a very good friend to me who I felt could share anything with. 

I'm not sure why, but something changed. I feel our best friendship ended around 2009, and a resentment started growing between us. I started feeling a judgment in the tone of your voice. A sense of hostility in your actions. Did I do something that upset you? Did I treat you poorly? Did I make you feel insignificant- downplay the importance you had in our company and imply you were not as responsible for our success as me? 

I know I struggle with many things, and I'm so sorry if i ever put you through emotional turmoil in order to fulfill my own quota of self-importance. I always wanted everything I made to be just that- something I "made" with your help. I considered smosh to be something you only tagged along for, and I'm deeply sorry if I ever made you feel like you didn't deserve as much credit as me. You may not have done some of the heavy lifting I did in the early days, but definitely encouraged us to keep going and you kept things light and full of laughs as we did it. We accomplished so much and I am now just realizing how important you were in making that happen. 

I have so many things I have treated that I regret and so many things I wish I could apologize to you for doing- I really wish you would give me a chance to speak with you. There are also so many things I wish you would explain to me. 

Why have you consistently made me feel ashamed to be myself in front of you for so many years? The time I asked you what you thought about my shoes when we were seventeen and you told me you thought they were hideous- and I could tell you only said it to hurt my feelings. The time you talked shit behind my back on facebook to the girl we were friends with that I introduced you to. The amount of things you said behind my back to our high school friends about me and my relationship. The snide remarks you made about me being vegan. The times you made me feel stupid for making any content whatsoever that was not directly smosh-related. The snide remarks about anything I made that put my true emotions out there for the world. I just wished you were better at communicating.

I know I'm not any better but i feel like i tried with you. I tried to break out of my comfort zone and talk about things that made me feel uncomfortable. When we were in New York for our "Ghostmates" tour we got drinks and I opened up about how embarrassed I was that my previous relationship was so obviously bad to the outside world and how naive I was to think I would actually marry someone like that. I was vulnerable and breaking down all my walls in hopes you'd return the favor. But nothing. The conversation was once again one-sided.

Am I just horrible to open up to you? Have I made you feel uncomfortable to open up around me? Have I made you feel all the ways you've made me feel? Are the ways you treat me nothing but an echo of how I treat you? Am I the one at fault here? Did I create a problem that went way further than the point of no return? Is this all because of me? 

PERHAPS.

But I don't think there is a point of no return for friendships as deep as ours was. I am reaching out to you as an ex-best friend. I want to talk about things and lay them all out there so we can possibly mend things. And if we don't become friends again, at least we can say we tried. But why avoid trying all together? 

What are you afraid of? I know I've been callous in the past, but please give me a chance. I've changed and I'm now a more understanding person. All I ask for you is for you to stop being a fucking asshole. Just kidding. I had to say it. I just want you to treat me with respect again.

After everything I've observed in the past few years, I'm starting to truly believe you may not be a good person anymore. Do I even want to know the bitter, grumpy, vengeful person you've become? Is it better that I keep my distance to ensure I don't get even more hurt by you in the future? 

I feel like you've become the bully. You are so upset by so many things but you keep it all to yourself. No one knows what's really going on inside your head, but you take the easiest route and put a fake smile on and walk around like you have a life to envy, but deep down inside you're hurting. There's more going on than you even know, All things that slowly come bubbling up to the surface through your skin, they boil under the surface and fester until they finally burst with a shitty loaded comment or a passive aggressive outburst. 

I feel like I haven't known the real you for so many years. Does anyone know the real you?

Do you know the real you?

[loveemagicpeace]

💔Pluto power & pain🫀

💧Pluto represents strength but at the same time pain. In which house you have pluto represents the pain you went through to be where you are now. What have you been transformed through and which area of ​​your life was most affected and you have trust issues because of it. At the same time, it represents where you can have the most strength and can turn pain into strength. In the natal chart, the house of Pluto shows where you undergo deep transformation. This process is often traumatic and painful, but in the end, you become stronger and wiser. Pluto can also indicate power struggles, intensity, finding your personal power in the life areas.

☔️Pluto in 1st house -You go through a lot of new transformations that are related to you and your personality. Weakness can be your worst enemy. Many times you may have felt that you had to hide your true self or do something you didn't want to do. You can be surrounded by many mysterious people. You might struggle with fears of being overpowered, rejected, or minimized, yet few are able to guess that you could be anything less than confident. You have to learn that you are strong enough and that your life is not a battlefield. And that there are people here you can trust.

❄️Pluto in 2nd house- loss of self-worth, you felt that people did not appreciate you enough. It’s not very easy for you to let go of things, as you attach much sentimental value to your possessions.Or, you might hold on to things because you fear poverty or because you fear the feeling of helplessness and wanting. You have to find your value and self-worth. You shouldn't be afraid to show your worth and what you want. You have to realize that you are worth much more than you think.

👄Pluto in 3rd house-you could experience a lot of pain from your relatives, brothers and sisters. You rarely accept what you hear or what you read as truths. You have the feeling that people are always lying to you and that they never tell the truth. This can be pain that you have experienced since you were little because you were surrounded by secrets and lies. You might fear the loss of self through self-expression. You have to learn to trust the words of others and find strength through your self-expression.

🪁Pluto in 4th house-causes a lot of pain through family, home and security. You don't trust your family and you always expect something bad even if it doesn't happen. You might feel a sense of guilt about where you came from. Your early experiences might have included a shocking, intense, or scary event that lives within you. Here it is important to find strength through your home, your private life and let go of the past.

🥶Pluto in 5th house-you have a hard time trusting others about what you do, what makes you happy, because you have the feeling that people will take advantage of it. You may have experienced one of the strongest romance, which left you in doubt and mistrust of others. Maybe you can think that you will never find it again, so you can reject a lot of people. The can be a deep-seated fear of loss or betrayal. While you may yearn to throw your soul into your creative endeavors, fear might prevent you from doing so completely. You can find strength through creating something beautiful and deep. But you have to trust yourself and your abilities.

🛁Pluto in 6th house-pain can be related to your physical health, job. You can go through a lot of painful experiences related to this. You might be private or insular when it comes to your work. You might also feel overly attached to what you do even to the point of paranoia. Fear of criticism can run high with your work. You can have many experiences where people did not take your work and what you do seriously. Therefore, you can become even more obsessed with achieving something and making it perfect. When you really immerse yourself in your work and do it through your soul, your work will become very powerful.

💔Pluto in 7th house-causes pain in the relationship. You can experience a very painful relationship in your early years, which then marks you. You stop believing in love, in people and in the fact that you will find someone who will be worthy of your love. You might feel trapped in a difficult relationship, for example, or have a hard time finding the deep connection that you crave. Your resistance can bring out control issues in a partner, who fears the loss of you or your betrayal. Here you need to find strength in relationships, to transform yourself through the pain you experienced and then you can find someone who will give you a different perspective on it. You also discover your own power through your relationships. Although people with this placement find it difficult to trust again and can put the partner through many tests. Very intense and deep lovers.

🌊Pluto in 8th house-is related to the pain of death, emotional pain, or something deeper. You can often face people's secrets and the truth that is hidden from others. Pluto can take you into the deepest and darkest corners of life. You have deep-seated fears regarding power and sharing issues. Some of you might engage in power struggles with money, particularly with a partner. But you have to find strength deep within yourself. Then you can see that you are much stronger than you thought you were.

🎑Pluto in 9th house-pain can be related to faith, travel, growth. Many times your sense of life can be tested. Your sense of adventure runs deep and can lead you to unusual experiences. While you may not share your ideas frivolously, when you do express yourself, you do so creatively and persuasively. Some of the most intense and life-changing experiences may come through travel, sharing and publishing, or in connection with other cultures. Finding meaning, liveliness in yourself is a challenge for you. Because you can always be hurt by the world or life itself. It is important that you find your journey, your path and your faith through which you can gain strength and channel your pain into something very meaningful.

💙Pluto in 10th house-you can have problems with power, showing who you are and what you can achieve. You may feel that people are always taking away your power. It could also be that your parents always forced you to do something you didn't want. Your personal presence is strong, and you may find that you inspire love-hate reactions as a result. You have an especially strong sense of commitment and responsibility. You feel that you can always look out for others, make sacrifices for others and do something that will have a great impact on others. There are deep issues that are revolving around the relationship with the father or the parent who instilled the most intensity in you regarding profession or status. Here you have to prove to yourself that you can and will succeed. You have to find strength in an audience of people and show who you are.

💘Pluto in 11th house-here it is usually the friendship that is most affected. You may have experienced one of the strongest friendships in your life and at the same time it may have affected you so much that you stopped trusting others. Since then, maybe you haven't found anyone to love as much and you haven't given as much love as you did back then. There can be power or control issues can frequently surface. Your social life may go through rather drastic changes. Friendships might often begin with intensity. You don't want to follow others, you want to be you. Sometimes you can subconsciously expect things from others. When you start following your dreams, you find strength in the social world everything will change. You can be a highly influential leader and instigator of social change.

🧜🏼‍♀️Pluto in 12th house-there is a fear that you will never have enough strength or that your strength will never be noticed the way you would like it to be. It can have a lot to do with your subconscious and unknown things. You are inclined to go deep, explore the meaning of your dreams. It can be easy for you to become deeply involved when helping others, perhaps even at your own risk at times. This position is sometimes associated with powerful or unexpected enemies. Death has played a large part in creating doubt about your abilities. You may even have problems with depression or addictive behaviors that create a kind of emotional trap. You have to trust your inner self. Than you can become an extremely effective healer.

-Rebekah🦋💧🫧

[furiousgoldfish]

(personal post, toxic friendship issue)

I'm having a reoccurring problem with a roommate, and I'm trying to write it down just to make sense of it, and see if this is something other people have figured out.

This person is younger than me, and also struggles with abusive relationships, emotional neglect from parents, and having their identity linked with academic success, so I naturally took the role of support, and this person happily took all the help they could get. I do feel I got over-involved in their life, I got invested in helping them get away from the abusive partner (which they did), and offered lots of consolation about the parents issue, and was just around whenever they needed someone, when they were sick, bored, struggling.

Sadly in return this person created more problems for me, like breaking my stuff 'accidentally', then not saying sorry or replacing it, even though I communicated to them that I can't afford new stuff, and that my possessions are all I have and I am bonded to them. They often made my emotional issues worse, showed no consideration or care when I was being hurt, and focused on talking about themselves even when I was in very apparent distress.

However this is not the reoccurring problem; I eventually banned them from touching my things and learned to pull away whenever I'm struggling myself. The problem is that this person will be nice, warm, polite, and I'll find myself making jokes and talking with them naturally, until at one point they want something from me - it's often that they need to unload all of their emotional issues on me, which can last up to 5 hours, and they know I'll comfort them because I physically can't stop myself, if someone in front of me is distressed my every cell is screaming to help them.

And then immediately after they're done doing that, they will turn cold and ignore me for about a week. This happened multiple times and every time I'm kind of baffled. When I have a 5 hour long deep emotional conversation with someone, I feel like we've gotten a little closer, I know stuff about them, I want to hear about how they're doing, and ask about their day, and would want to check in, see if they feel better after talking it out. But instead, they're now so busy they cannot say hi to me anymore, they go and have fun with other people instead, without telling me, without as much as looking at me. I think they start talking to me again only after they again want something.

And this makes me feel used. It's not normal to have that kind of vulnerable conversation with someone, receive comfort, and then just erase them out of your life. I'm realizing as I'm writing this that I'm describing myself in the role of 'comfort friend' where I only exist for someone when they need to be comforted, but this person is so sneaky about it! Because when they ignore me, I try to get distance, and I start to avoid them too, but this triggers me and creates tension in the air, and I can't stand living in tension. I emotionally spiral every time and start thinking of crazy scenarios like running away from here just so I don't have to look at them again. I live here!

So once they start being nice to me again I'm just, so relieved that things seem okay again. So I am nice back, and eventually it comes down again to them getting what they want and ignoring me again.

I thought about trying to communicate this to them, and to let them know how it makes me feel, but every time in the past I've attempted to communicate my feelings, they'd just ignore it, or get angry, act like I'm trying to guilt-trip them, or pretend it didn't happen, so I already have a picture of how they deal with communication they don't like; it's no use. When a person responds to attempt at communication with complete apathy you know they don't care to know this and they won't take it into consideration. And for me it would take so much courage to admit that I'm triggered to being ignored and shut out after offering support, and to be met with apathy and scorn would shut me down completely, I wouldn't be able to process that. My decision to not communicate is self preservation.

This person isn't going to stay here long term, they'll move out in a few months so this will no longer be a problem, but I'm struggling to know how should I possibly deal with this. It's so triggering I couldn't find anything good to do about it, I'm immediately trapped into this circle of having to help, and then feeling horrible and shunned by the cold treatment, especially when I haven't done anything to deserve it.

This person is also, aware that they don't have consideration for others, aware they just want attention, all the time, hates giving attention, will blatantly say no if I ask for anything, and is ready to guilt-trip anyone who asks them for something. They just don't care about it because it plays to their benefit.

What would you do in this situation?

[angellettes]

𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐌 ➔ ETHAN LANDRY

—synopsis. Ethan has been acting suspicious after you fall into trouble and get saved by New York's friendly neighborhood spider-man

—notes. sorry this took so long to get out! I've been very very busy reconstructing my blog. genre/warnings.. Canon level violence considering it's spider-man, Ethan is very shy but you guys make out!(yay), Ethan is kinda dave lizewski coded as well🗣

Late nights at parties were always extremely fun but getting home was a nightmare. You were walking home from a party which was fun but way to far from your dorm. You were also really really anxious with the ghostface killer going around lately killing people so you were trying to stay alert but freaked out when you saw the mask described in the news sprinting at you. You quickly start running but fall when you realize that your heels were stopping you. You quickly took them off and started running barefoot through the empty late night streets of New York. suddenly you hear a thud and see the killer was on the ground, passed out. You then looked and saw the boy in the red and blue suit who goes around the city saving people, spider-man. Your eyes widened with your mouth fallen agape. He quickly jumps down and helps you get your composure back. "is it ok if I bring you home to make sure you stay safe?" You quickly nod and start walking. You both walked in creating an almost natural conversation, getting to know eachother as much as you could considering he's a masked hero. It was somehow comforting considering how you almost just got butchered. "This is me. thank you so much, spider-man. I truly owe you" you say with a thankfulness in your voice to show that you're glad he got there when he did. "It's not problem. It's my job just make sure to stay safe. I hope to see you again but probably just in different circumstances" he says with a light laugh at the you. You laugh as well and smile at him softly "I hope so too". Even though you've just met him it was like you has known him for longer. He was still standing there but you felt as if you already missed talking to him, and feeling his friendly presence. "I have to go now but we'll see eachother again. It was nice meeting you, y/n." he says softly, and after that he swings away on a web.

When he got home that night he took off his mask and freaked out a little bit. You see, Ethan had the biggest crush on y/n ever since high school. He of course thought you were out of his league but a boy can dream. As he laid looking at the ceiling imagining getting to talk to you and tell you how, he feels his eyelids began to fall as he slipped into gentle slumber. You stayed up that night thinking about the mysterious boy in the red and blue suit, and how his gentle voice sounded so familiar. You didn't think into it too much though and just decided to go to sleep.

After that encounter with spider-man you started to develop a friendship with this boy from your economics class. His name was Ethan and he was a really sweet but sort of shy boy. On the other note spider-man would visit you almost every night at your window.

knocks were heard at your window. As you got to the window you noticed the familiar mask and immediately opened the window for him. As he climbed through the window he greeted you with a happy but nervous tone in his voice. "Hey y/n I actually stopped by earlier tonight because there's something I really want to get off of my chest." he says as he sits next to you on your bed. There was a frantic nature to his fidgety movements. "I've been thinking about this for a while and I just wanted to say that- I really like you as more than a friend so I don't want to keep secrets with you. I trust you more than anyone." He struggles to let out his words before they come pouring out in a natural flow. Your eyes widened as he pulls off my mask and tufts of chocolatey brown curls become visible from underneath. you let out a gasp as you look at him as his mask is completely off. Ethan looks at you with a nervous look and laughs as a smile begins to emerge on your face. You quickly tackle him excitedly and hug his toned frame. "Oh my gosh, Ethan I'm so glad that you feel the same way and I didn't have to say it first because I'm TERRIBLE at words" He let's out a laugh and hugs you back, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. "You really are confusing aren't you?" he says with a teasing smile. "Yup, you bet" you reply with a sly smirk. As you continue to hug him you give his cheek a kiss and snuggle into the crook of his neck. As he strokes your hair gently with a smile he whispers into your ear " so will you accept me as your boyfriend?". You look at him with a slight smile and utter out "does this answer your question?". Your lips meet his with fervor and longing. The kiss wasn't slow but it wasn't desperate. It was simply a kiss between two pining people who waited for so long to be in eachother's arms, and feel the love they shared mutually. As that kiss went on, it got more desperate and clingy. His soft plump rosy lips met yours as soon as you pulled away over and over. His hands making their way to rest comfortably on waist, as your hands tangled into his soft, dark brown, curly hair. He pulls away with a laugh and looks at you with a look of happiness yet a certain fear and sadness. "Promise me you stay safe y/n if people found out we are together they would go after you. Save yourself by not telling anyone about us." He says as he holds your face to look straight into your eyes. You look at him and nod with a soft smile. "You know, you remind of that one song, "After the storm"" you say as you connect your phone to your speaker to play it. "why?" he says as he chuckles at how you have a habit to relate everything to a song. "Well you're a very encouraging person. telling people to keep going even if you feel you can't. You shy but you have a very bright air about you" he looks away with a blush as hides his face.

"well Ethan, I guess you have to go now before Chad starts asking questions about why you're at my apartment." He gave you a look of disbelief and questioning asking "how would he know?" you smirk and look at him with a look of humor. "because your location is on". His eyes widened and he quickly had to get up and put his mask back on as he exclaims "SHIT!!" Before he gets ready to go through the window he quickly says "okay see you tomorrow, y/n. love you, bye!!" he says as he swings away. You laugh and walk back to your bed and got under the covers. Going to sleep with thoughts of this new-found love.

do not plagiarize, translate,or repost my work.

finished- June 14, 2023 , 3:09 PM

[finnzhal]

@eduardo200012 asked.

I can ask Kalim and Jamil with a male reader who is cursed to turn into a tiger until he marries his true love

FINN's response.

ILY FOR REQUESTING A BUNCH. This one isn't so angsty , it's more funny to me ^^; Although , I'm not quite sure what you want me to write it as specifically and I didn't turn them into marrying but a kiss instead ( reference from Tiana ) . . So this is only a headcanons + Drabble , I'm so sorry if that isn't what you asked for :(( UPDATE: I'M SO SORRY I JUST REALIZED I SAID LION INSTEAD OF TIGERR HUHU

Reader : MALE!READER

Character : SCARABIA DUO! KALIM, JAMIL

Mentions : Drink spiking, angsty(?)

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Little summary : You're friends with Floyd and you always go to the mostro lounge to hang out, you might grab a drink or two but you know Floyd would do something sketchy on your drink and you usually ask for Jade to do your drink . . But of course , Jade cannot be trusted also and he too puts something in your drink for "fun" just like Floyd said but you don't have to know what they did and you slept fine the entire night . . Until you woke up itching in your fur , you for real thought someone put you in a furry suit until you look at yourself in the mirror, you ran towards the twins fast.. you struggled running in all fours and you look like those my little ponies who tried standing up on two feet ... It took you a whole 30 minutes just for the twins to not know how to help you.

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KALIM AL-ASIM

You guys started dating a few months back and students hated how affectionate you guys are, most of the time it's Kalim who shows the most in public . Of course he'll stop if you're uncomfortable with it and just give you affection when you guys are alone

So the moment he saw a tiger running around the hallway looking like the tiger is trying to find something or someone.. he immediately runs towards you wondering why a tiger is running around

The twins explained what happened to Kalim and.. It took him a whole hour to understand what the twins said before turning back to you and pampering you

But then again he compliments how you look, in every form. He loves you and will always compliments your appearance. ( He's the type of dude who is willing to love you even if you were a worm- )

He couldn't stay with you the whole day because of school and Jamil insisted him to attend classes, he asked for you to just wait in his room just to rest and he'll try to find something to somewhat get out.. of that form ?

Poor Jamil who's gonna complain about Kalim not paying attention to the entire class just because of you, don't be surprised that he barged in the room after the school ends. Just you and him alone once again

He didn't even care about your fur going to his mouth as he kisses every part of you until your lips, a big poof sound came in.. he opened his eyes, noticed your form back. He smiled gleefully while you were screaming about how you're naked infront of him

"Baby, my kisses are a medicine! Let me kiss more of your boo boos"

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JAMIL VIPER

it didn't took long enough for Jamil to realize you're missing and some random tiger were running away from the Twins are the same day, he confronted the both of them to realize you're the lion.

He gave it his all not to create chaos just because of it not until he got the answer of "we don't know how to get [name] back to their human form" from Floyd. Another scolding for endless of hours, threatening to report it to the teachers.

Before he did, You put your paw on top of his hand as if you're telling him not to.. and so that's what he did. He decided to stick with you in some tiger form

He wasn't as affectionate as Kalim and only thinks logically, reading every book just to get back to your form. He was worried it wouldn't come off or worse

Of course he couldn't abandon Kalim or his classes, he insisted you to come with him but you didn't.. you were anxious about your appearance and it made his heart broke. He let you be in his room after he gets back

The only affection you can get from him was cuddling and words of affirmation, he was trying to console you after school. Cooking you food while he tries to find what you need to get you back

As he finished cooking for you, giving you food in bed. Each day you were more and more insecure about what's happening to you, He's trying his best for you and he didn't want you to feel this way in or out of tiger form.

He kissed you on your lips after his words, he raised an eyebrow wondering how it felt like a human's lips before opening his eyes. He pulled away after he noticed you naked infront of him, giving you a blanket before you panic

For a minute, he chuckled at himself.. "after weeks of trying to find a serum, a kiss is all that it's needed.."

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© Don't steal people's works.

[yumeka-sxf]

A chronological analysis on Twilight and Yor - Part 18

*This is part of an ongoing post series. If you missed the Introduction/Part 1, click here*

----------

In hopes of finding a way to meet Desmond at the Imperial Scholar's mixer, Twilight sneaks around Eden in disguise. But unbeknownst to him, Anya reads his mind and realizes what he's trying to do. She urges Damian to meet with his father in spite of the second thoughts he has. Twilight hides behind a building, listening as she says she's not even sure if her papa likes her or not, but she's still going to tell him that she failed her test because she loves and believes in him. We don't get to hear any of Twilight's thoughts during her speech, and his expression remains neutral. Even when the kids leave, his first reaction is confusion about why Anya would suddenly say such things, but happy nonetheless that she did indeed persuade Damian to meet his father.

However, when he does finally meet with Desmond later on, it seems that Anya's words may have struck a chord in him. He puts on his most extreme Loid Forger performance during his encounter with Damian while looking for the "lost" keychain, trying his best to find any opening to invite himself to meet Damian's father. And of course, as is typical for him, beneath all the pretending, he does genuinely feel bad about what he has to do. He internally apologizes to Damian for having to cut in on his reunion with his father, but for the sake of his mission (a.k.a. the happiness of many over the happiness of few) it must be done.

Once Desmond finally appears, the pressure ramps up as Twilight has to choose every word carefully so as not to arouse even an ounce of suspicion. He does all he can to find a way for Desmond to agree to talk with him more, but eventually Desmond halts the conversation. However, when Damian expresses his disdain for his father's nonchalant attitude about Anya punching him, Twilight voices his agreement with Damian.

This is probably the most major example thus far of Twilight doing something he personally feels is right even though it could potentially be detrimental to his mission. I say this is the most major example because having a favorable relationship with Desmond is literally all he's been striving for since starting Operation Strix, so he shouldn't take any risk no matter how slight, like showing support for Damian's disagreement with Desmond. Yet, he chooses to take Damian's side over that of Desmond's, similar to how he chose to stick up for Anya and Yor at the Eden interview even though it went against what was best for the mission. While it is true that it's better for "plan B" if Damian has a good relationship with his father, it's also a very delicate subject for Twilight to pursue at that moment, when Desmond had only just met him. Regardless, he's able to steer the conversation in a way that gets his points across but doesn't come off as hostile to Desmond.

He first tries to evoke some kindred feelings with Desmond by talking about the struggles he has dealing with Anya's irrational behavior and how challenging it is to raise a child (perhaps his confusion about Anya's behavior from earlier encouraged him to bring this up).

When Desmond flatly responds that people can never truly understand each other, even their own children, Twilight is taken aback. His darkened expression betrays a hint of resentment towards the other man's pessimistic ideals, but he manages to keep up the Loid Forger act regardless. In typical Twilight fashion, he's able to express his true ideals under the guise of his fake identity – in this case, he uses his cover-up job as a psychiatrist to explain why he thinks it's best for people to keep trying to understand others even if they can only meet them "in the middle" so to speak. He also mentions that even though much of what Anya says doesn't make sense to him, acknowledging her nonetheless creates an opportunity for understanding. And as he's saying these things to Desmond, we can hear what he's really thinking at the time – that he'll never stop trying to understand others.

He cleverly ends his spiel by proposing that Desmond had in fact done what he had described – decided to take time out of his busy schedule to meet with his son. That would have been a good spot to end the conversation and not push his luck, but instead, in his shrewd Twilight way, he decides to help bring father and son closer by mentioning the speech Damian gave about Desmond for the class project. He even made an attempt to score Anya points with Damian by saying that she was the one who told him about it because she was so moved. From there, he's able to smoothly steer the conversation to Desmond's job as political chairman, from which he then creates an opening for himself to express his admiration for Desmond and an interest in his political party.

Once Desmond confirms that he knows Loid Forger's name and has formed a favorable opinion of him, Twilight wraps up the whole encounter by making sure "plan B" is still an option; he tells Damian that Anya doesn't hate him and asks if he'd try to get along with her.

This whole scene really showcases how exceptional Twilight is at being a spy – his masterful command of deceitful words that he uses to steer people into feeling what he wants them to feel and view things in a way that benefits his mission, but aren't completely against his moral principles either. As I mentioned before, attempting to reconcile father and son's relationship, even going so far as to pat Damian on the shoulder and ramble on about how great his speech was, may have been pushing it a bit for his very first meeting with Desmond. But as we've seen many times before, Twilight is an empathetic person. Even while in the midst of making major progress with one of his missions, like finally meeting Desmond, he decides to say and do what he feels is right no matter how risky. I'm sure he felt bad for Damian after realizing what kind of a person Desmond is. And perhaps he can also relate to Damian due to his estranged relationship with his own father.

Continue to Part 19 ->

<- Return to Part 17

[sweetmariihs2]

Huge vent: My parents don't know how someone with autism struggles with some stuff, and if I tell them that I am struggling because I am autistic, they will say I'm using my own neurodivergence as an excuse. Yipee

Some time ago, my psychologist wanted to take some neurodivergence/QI tests with me because she saw some autistic behaviors and wanted to find out through tests.

I asked myself this too, because I was seeing too many behaviors in myself that neurodivergent people say it comes from their neurodivergences, I always felt a "weirdo" my whole life because I had these behaviors, like hyperfocus, hating how people don't directly communicate with eachother, picky eater, can feel when something has changed in a recipe, have a low social filter like you tend not to notice when people are making fun of you or someone says you acted in a "rude" manner when in fact in your head you were just being nice, masking expressions and memorizing lines to get along in social situations

When I told my mom this and showed her some neurodivergent people on the internet talking about unusual experiences and feelings that were exactly like the ones that I have but said that it was because of their neurodivergences, my mom rolled her eyes and spoke rudely to me "Everyone is autistic/has ADHD today. People like to get attention. Daughter YOU ARE NORMAL, just because you identify with people on the internet doesn't mean you have anything. Everyone can relate to things like this."

But after I asked her so many times to try having those tests, she finally decided to let me do it. I think it was because she thought I wouldn't have anything and I would finally understand that I'm """normal"""

So after I told my psychologyst and my parents that I was suspecting that maybe I had a neurodivergence, after tons of asks, they finally started doing the tests.

Because I carried out these tests in several consultations with a psychologist every few weeks, they lasted for a few months. At first my psychologyst told me that they were just IQ and mental health tests, but one day my family and I went out to dinner and my mother said "we asked your psychologist to do tests on you to find out if you have any neurodivergence, and also your mental health and IQ, because you wanted to know if you had it" and that left me a little confused because that wasn't what the psychologist said, so I realized that something didn't made sense there. At the next appointment I looked at the book where the tests were and the word "neurodivergence" was also written there, so I started to wonder why my psychologist wasn't telling me this, but I decided not to say anything to her and continued taking the tests.

Minimal detail that confused me even more: During those months between tests, I traveled for a weekend with my parents. They left the house angry because we were late and we didn't had breakfast, so we went to a snack bar to buy some snacks for the trip. I ordered a food with chicken filling (brazillian food, like the famous coxinha, but it's called "salgado pastel", same dough just a different shape) and because of the rush we got into the car and only on the road I found out that the filling was actually ground beef, which I hate because of the texture, I always did, so I couldn't eat it. For some reason my parents were very angry about this, and they said things like "you have to stop creating these blocks in your head, just eat, you eat meat, it just has a different texture" and I said "I know that, but chewing it makes me sick, I can't eat it, makes me wanna puke" and they know that very well.

Until my mother said "you have no justification for this, your psychologist said that you are not autistic, you don't have any neurodivergence, so there is no reason for you to create these mental blocks" (them: personal boundaries and preferences)

Her telling me this made me even more confused, because I had already been adapting to the idea of ​​being autistic for months, I knew I was, and being autistic explained everything about me that I thought was "weird" my whole life. So after hearing my parents yelling at me for 20 minutes straight, what my mom said kept playing in my mind and I thought "I can't believe it. So these doubts I have about myself, these questions I've had my whole life of 'why am I like this? why am I weird?' will never be answered. And in the end, I'm just an outcast for no reason."

Time passed and I kept doing the tests. My psychologist said that as soon as the tests were finished she would call my parents to see the results. When they were finished, I spent time waiting for the results, weeks, thinking about what would appear on paper. I sometimes saw my psychologist on the street and she said she was just waiting for the results, the documents, I'm not sure. So I was really anxious for a few weeks. She set the day for my parents to go there, and they finally went. They arrived home at night and invited me to talk at the dinner table with the results at hand. I won't say much about it, but it was there, confirmed, I am level 1 autistic. My parents' reaction was funny, they were reacting like straight parents who found out that their son is gay, "it's okay son, we still love you, even if you're like this. This doesn't change anything at all, you're still normal to us" 😭 their choice of words and point of view is questionable, but they don't do it on purpose, it's because of the generation they grew up in, at the end their intentions are good, they just don't know how to put them in practice properly.

I went back to my psychologist and we talked about it, she asked me about how the conversation went, my reaction, what my parents told me, and I said that they told me everything, they read all the papers one by one showing me the page per page, they even let me read it, so I knew everything that was written there. And then my psychologist told me something. That before starting taking the tests, SHE had spoke to my parents about it because SHE saw some autistic behaviors in me, so it wasn't just me who was thinking about this.

She told me that she spoke to my parents about it and they said "yes yes our daughter was really talking about this" and they decided to do it, BUT, they told her that they weren't sure if taking a neurodivergence test (that means, discovering how my own mind works and understanding myself better) would be a good idea cuz if I found out I'm something, I'm going to use this info to "play the victim" like HELLO??? LIKE WHEN DID I?!?? HOW?!???!?

Put this together with that situation of my mom saying "everyone is autistic today, people like to get attention", or my parents mad because I didn't wanted to eat something and saying I had no excuse for creating those "mental blocks" because "my psychologist told them I wasn't autistic, so it didn't made sense". I TOLD MY PSYCHOLOGYST THIS AFTER I SAW THE RESULTS, AND SHE SAID SHE NEVER SAID THIS TO THEM! EVER! Actually, what she did told my parents was that I had SEVERAL autistic behaviors and she offered trying to do tests, nothing more.

My parents told my psychologyst to tell me she was only making "QI and mental health" tests, because they were afraid of me faking the test to get the result that I want (?!???!?). And my psychologist found that really weird because she really doubted that someone who doesn't know a thing about psychology could fake those tests, so me knowing it was a neurodivergence test or not it wouldn't change anything, I couldn't fake it even if I wanted to! But she decided to respect their decision. Like parents what the actual fuck

And it's weird that THEY told me it was a QI + mental healt + neurodivergence test, after they told my psychologyst not to. Maybe they stopped caring mid tests about me finding out, maybe they thought a little more about what my psychologist said about not being possible to fake that test. Maybe having that conversation:

Parents: We want her to do the tests but don't tell her what it is fully for cuz she might fake the results (which doesn't make any sense why the hell would I want to fake something like this)

Psychologist: um actually you can't fake it even if you wanted to, so it doesn't change anything

*and after that conversation two things happened: my psychologist respected their decision about not telling me, and my parents got out of there thinking "well, she said it doesn't change anything so let's tell our daughter ourselves"*

Which made this whole mess

It turns out that I am indeed autistic; despite doing the tests blindly, despite not really knowing what it was for, despite my mom telling me 191892827 times that I wasn't and lying to me about my psychologist saying that I'm not (which never ever happened)

AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE: They weren't even sure if they would tell ME about MY OWN NEURODIVERGENCE, because they were afraid I would use it to "play the victim" LIKE I'M THE KIND OF PERSO WHO DOES THAT

WHAT THE FUCK #!?!?#?@? WHAT??#??@?

I spent an unhealthy amount of time wondering why my parents were trying to keep this from me, and why do they see me like this.

I am fully aware that for many years, since childhood, my parents do not accept that I have different tastes and preferences.

My mom doesn't accept me dressing how I want, there was a time when I was very insecure and dressed tomboyish in an attempt to hide myself, but I dreamed of wearing anime skirts and being a soft girl style, I just didn't have the confidence (we are talking about 2018/2019). My mom complained a lot back then about how she couldn't dress me anymore. Nowadays, after recovering, I wear coquette style clothes, which is what I always liked but I just didn't had any confidence. And she even says "If you let me dress you, you would see how many compliments you would get", and I always answer "I don't care about the compliments, I just want to feel good in my clothes"

She keeps repeating comments about how "when I was young she dressed me I looked like a princess". Everyone gave me compliments, she gets a lot of compliments on the clothes she wears, my father says "daughter, your mom knows about clothes, let her dress you" and I don't even wear a style that would make their internalized homophobia frustrated like a masc style, IT'S COQUETTE! IT'S EXTREMELY FEMININE! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME WAAAA

That's my pinterest board. I LITERALLY HAVE some of these clothes and make outfits that are similar to these. What are they talking about why are they mad

They don't like the idea of me having boundaries. Whey they do something that I don't, like eat something that I don't, wear something that I don't, do something that I don't, they always said I'm creating a "psychological block", I'm stopping myself from doing things because I put it in my head. "You don't eat something because it gives you the ick? Stop putting that in your head, everyone does it" "You don't wear the clothes I wear? Stop putting that in your head daughter, everyone does it"

And you know what's funniest for me? Of everything? I've been told all my life that I put things in my head about things that are actually boundaries and personal tastes, but now that I discovered that I'm autistic, I actually discovered that this is related to my autism!

I don't eat corn, peanuts, or any grains since I was younger, and they've been treating me like I'm crazy since always, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TEXTURE! AUTISM!

I don't wore jewlery for a long time and this made my mom pissed for years, till this day I don't wear rings or bracelets because they make me uncomfortable, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF TEXTURE AGAIN! AUTISM

I had crazy "anxiety attacks" when I entered highschool, everything was too noisy, too hot, too many people, too many voices, closed in four walls for 9 hours per day, when it was too much I felt like I needed to scream, I cried, felt my chest hurt, and the people talking around me were still too loud, I didn't know why. I WAS OVERESTIMULATED!

"We don't know what's wrong with you, you keep putting those things in your head" NOW YOU DO! I'M AUTISTIC AND THESE WERE MY AUTISTIC BEHAVIORS! YAY!

And to make matters worse, remember how I said that my parents said they didn't want me to find out that I'm autistic because I would use that to "play the victim"? These behaviors of mine that they condemned for so long were autistic behaviors. And now that I know what they are, I can't say that I have difficulties because of my neurodivergence, because for them, I'll be playing the victim.

I've always had these difficulties, such as sensitivity to loud noises. But if I say "my ears are sensitive because I'm autistic" my parents will say that I'm using that as an excuse for something. "before you found out, you didn't use that as a justification for everything" DON'T YOU SAY!

I have a neurodivergence. I have difficulties with it and I need support, I always did, but now I found out the reason and I need you to understand that my brain doesn't work like yours. But if I tell you "my brain doesn't work like yours" you'll say "stop using that to victimize yourself! You're ""normal""

No hell I'm not neurotypical. My world isn't the same as yours. How am I supposed to ask my parents for support when we're at a party and I'm feeling overestimulated and the noises are too loud, if they answer with "stop using this as an excuse"

They didn't told me this yet, but it's because I'm not mentioning my autism in front of them. Some time ago I was playing videogame with my brother and the volume was too loud, it happened once, I told him

"arrgggg turn down the volume, the sound is too loud and it hurts my ears",

my brother said "it doesn't hurt mine"

and I said "you know i'm autistic"

but then he started saying "ever since you found out you're autistic you've been playing the victim."

I tried to explain to him that I always were, and now I can explain where my behaviors came from. I said "if you discovered that something you endure with is actually because of your neurodivergence, wouldn't you explain it to people? After all you're not like everyone else, you need support in some areas" and he said "lol no I would only make jokes about it BC it's nothing at all" (he's the kind of boy who makes fun of it)

I don't wanna try to do this next to my parents. I will hear worse stuff and only be reminded about how my parents don't respect my boundaries. This week there was an interclass championship at my school, the noises were very loud, very very loud, my ears were hurting so much that I couldn't stand it to the point of not giving a damn about what the teachers would say about "staying on the court" and I just left running out of there with my ears covered, extremely overstimulated. My mother stopped by while I was still there, I don't know exactly what she was doing there, but she greeted me and everything. And at that time the entire stand started shouting about a goal, and I already had my ears covered and an extremely uncomfortable expression on my face. When I got home later I talked about how being on the court was stressful and there was a lot of noise, and she said "yeah, I saw you there"

And I just. Couldn't tell her about the struggle I was in and how this was related to me being autistic. Because she wouldn't understand.

[quentin-didnt-die-in-the-books]

I don't think it was an awful decision to kill off Quentin Coldwater

Okay so I know how my url looks but now that I've spent a bit more time on this site and seen how other people feel about this, I think I should clarify my meaning.

Let me start out by saying Quentin was my favorite character both at first, when I watched the show, and after, when I read the books. He's the one I related to the most and just a character I enjoyed watching. His death was a shock and I stopped watching the show for a while after. But having read the books and gotten some distance from the incident, I don't hate the decision to kill him in the show. This is partly because he doesn't die in the books so if I want, I can just choose to only consider that ending as the real one.

But more importantly, a main point of the story that the books tell is that no matter what awful things happen in your life, you need to find things that matter and ways to move on and still be happy. Since the books are from Quentin's point of view, we mostly see his struggles and successes when it comes to finding reasons to live. But the show intentionally showcases the other characters much more than the books did and there are plenty of storylines that Quentin isn't even a part of. It is harder, in certain ways, to build empathy for characters through a tv show because it's not from their point of view and we, as audience members, can often have different interpretations of something we watch. So rather than being able to live through Quentin, we are almost a part of the story ourselves and we have to make our own way and come to a conclusion ourselves, rather than being led there by a narrator. In this way, Quentin's death is something that we have to get past and find a way to move on from in the story. I'll admit season five isn't my favorite season but it does have some of my favorite scenes in the show. It doesn't just throw us back into a fun fantasy world with silly humor and adventures. There is a grieving process and it takes a while for the show to become at all lighthearted again. After reaching Quentin's death and losing all interest in the show for a bit, it is significant to me that I ended up missing the world that it created enough to go back to it even knowing that my favorite character would not be a part of it. I'm not trying to compare this to losing someone you love in the real world because I don't think that is an accurate comparison at all but it is comparable, in my mind, to losing something that had sentimental value or missing out on an opportunity you can't get back. Realizing that something hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to and being able to move on and still enjoy other things again is very important and I think the show did manage to capture the spirit of the books even if that might not have been the writers' exact intention. I think some media is about escapism and creating a world where things are better but I don't think that is a requirement or a guarantee.

I also just want to mention that I understand the fine line between media as an art form and media as representation of the real world but I think this show does an excellent job of giving the audience a meaningful story even if it isn't necessarily "fair" to the characters. Obviously, media can perpetuate discrimination in the way it treats certain identities and communities (e.g. discrimination on the basis of gender, race, sexuality, disability, mental health) that are already discriminated against in society. I think in this instance though, there is also a case to be made for seeing the characters, especially Quentin, as a way to cope with the awful things that happen in the world, rather than just an expression of those awful things. I think The Magicians does do a good enough job of developing complex characters that they are not simply caricatures meant to represent entire groups in society for the purpose of making broad claims about those groups.

Obviously, I wanted Queliot to happen but I really don't think this show was trying to be homophobic given the many other examples of queer relationships in the show. I do think we still have a ways to go in how mental health issues are portrayed and treated in media but I think Quentin's death, and the whole show, itself, is about much more than that.