#but yeah this is all over the place and something something cognitive dissonance

[thekidsare-not-alright]

I have mistakenly scrolled through the fob tag (usually I am not this disappointed tbh) and I must be missing half the conversation because there are so many posts defending the tswift collab but like... without knowing what potential problems people actually have about it

"the fob fanbase is scared of the tswift fanbase" what "they've been friends for years" who is saying this stuff

[harryspet]

homestead | r.cameron [p.2]

[warnings]dark!rafe cameron x pregnant!reader, farmer!rafe, pogue!reader, implied jj x reader, kidnapping, NONCON, unprotected sex, little editing,READ AT YOUR OWN RISK 18+

word count: 3.4k

In which you confront Rafe's unsettling mix of tenderness and manipulation.

part one

Your search of the room for anything useful as a weapon was not fruitful. Most drawers were empty except for clothes. You found more pairs of pajamas and nightgowns, but searching the closet only yielded a few hung sundresses. The bathroom was simple, with a clawfoot tub and another window looking out onto green pastures. On the bathroom counter, you found a wicker basket full of what you assumed were newly bought essentials. Several containers of prenatal vitamins, body washes and creams for sensitive skin, panty liners, Epsom salts, and essential oils. 

Rafe Cameron thought of all of this?

The window offered a view of the other side of the house and a large white barn and Rafe’s blue pickup truck caught your eye. You stepped into the tub to get a closer look out the window. Maybe you could see a road, a way out of here, or even a street sign that might tell you where you were. Just like the bedroom windows, they didn’t budge either. 

The bedroom door swings open once more, and you sink into the empty tub, your head cradled in your hands as you desperately try to force your mind to function. For the sake of your baby, you need to think clearly. The overwhelming situation presses down on you, making it even harder to process what’s happening. You can sense his presence in the doorway, but you can't bring yourself to meet his gaze.

“I made scrambled eggs,” He said. 

“They make me sick,” You said stoically, “Haven’t eaten them in months.”

“Good to know,” His tall, broad figure stood over you before you heard him kneel down beside the tub, “I also brought yogurt and fresh fruit. How does that sound?”

“All the windows are locked.”

“Uh, yeah,” he said as if it were normal, “I know you’re hungry. You need your strength. I don’t have to remind you why.”

You looked up to see his hand offering a white bowl filled with yogurt, fresh blueberries, and strawberries. He was right—you needed your strength. If not for the baby, then to gather the energy to escape. Perhaps you could think more clearly on a full stomach. You gazed at the food for a full minute, trying to rationalize why you should accept it, wrestling with the cognitive dissonance that churned within you.

You took it from his hands without a thank you and stirred your spoon about twenty times before finally bringing it to your mouth. It tasted heavenly, which you hated. “There’s the cutest farmer’s market a couple of miles from here. The blueberries are incredible but you gotta get there early on Sunday before they’re sold out.”

You met his eyes for a brief moment and realized they were sparkling with joy. You didn’t have to respond to him, he’d happily talk to himself as long as he felt like he was making some progress with you. You couldn’t let me feel that way for long, “You’ve outdone yourself, Rafe, really.”

“Just want you to be comfortable,” He shrugged, and you rolled your eyes, “It’s a lot right now, I know that.”

“A lot,” you scoffed, bitterness laced throughout your tone. “This is insane.”

Something flickered in his eyes, but he suppressed it, whatever it was, “You’re safe here. Your baby’s safe here. There’s plenty of room, plenty of food, and you’d never have to work a real jon. You haven’t even seen everything yet, but it’s beautiful. It’s a great place to raise a kid.”

“Rafe, you took the choice away from me.”

He shook his head, “So what? I saved you from suffering even further. Not even a little part of you regrets choosing JJ?”

You went quiet, feeling your temper rising. Instead of responding, you brought another spoonful to your mouth. He didn’t understand why this was so completely wrong, and presenting him with common sense didn’t seem to be working. 

“I love you, Y/N,” He spoke as if to get your attention, but you didn’t meet his eyes this time, “Don’t start thinking anyone’s coming to save you, Y/N. And you won’t overpower me or make it far running. Not in your condition. You know that.”

You knew that, didn’t you? Clearly, JJ didn’t care enough about you to do better. And Pope had a bright future ahead of him. Maybe he’d realize he was better off without you. What were you to do now? Give in when you’ve just realized that Rafe is a monster?

“Finish your food, I’ll be back later,” When you looked again he had the plate in hand and was walking away, not without loudly shutting the door. 

Your head tilted back against the cold porcelain. This would turn out to be a game of endurance. You had to outlast him and perhaps outthink him. He’d been planning to bring you here for weeks, but he couldn’t have planned for everything. 

You finished your food and then spent the next few hours exploring the room in more detail, ensuring you hadn’t missed any detail. After all that time, the only new discovery that you make is under the bed. Still, in its packaging, you find a pregnancy pillow. You wouldn’t admit that you felt a small comfort at the sight of it. Sleeping had started to feel completely uncomfortable over the past few weeks, and you woke up painfully sore each morning.

It felt wrong when you knew it shouldn’t. In the meantime, you’d also take some of the prenatal vitamins. You could only afford one bottle of the generic brand, but Rafe provided several different types. Taking multiple kinds meant you weren’t missing any nutrients your baby might need. In just a matter of hours, you were starting to realize all that you didn’t have. 

You unzipped the pillow from its packaging, letting yourself feel the soft material against your chest. Although the knock at the door wasn’t loud, it startled you. Rafe appeared now in work boots, jeans, and a flannel. He held the doorknob in his hand and looked you over as if he hadn’t just seen you or picked out the exact outfit he wanted to see you in. You noticed he was even taller in those boots.

“What do you think?” He gestured to the pillow.

“Looks expensive,” You said simply.

“It had the best reviews,” he added, “You’ll have to let me know how you like it tomorrow morning.”

You stared back at him, shifting on your feet. "Can I show you something?" he asked, the door still wide open. A chance to leave. Of course, you’d take it. Faking compliance, you carefully stepped towards him. As you crossed the threshold of your room, you allowed him to place a hand on the small of your back. "The room right next door," he said.

Your eyes were anywhere but that door. You were scoping out the entire hallway. There were two more doors across the hallway, perhaps one of them was Rafe’s, and you spotted the staircase. The walls were painted a muted beige and adorned with several rustic paintings. The scent of mahogany lingered in the air, likely one of Rafe’s attempts to make this place feel like a home rather than a prison. You couldn’t turn your head far as Rafe was urging you forward. 

“I’ve been working on something,” When Rafe opened the door, you stepped inside a brand new nursery room, “Rose helped with the decorations, but  I can change anything that you don’t like.”

The wallpaper was decorated with blue flowers and little woodland creatures. A wooden crib sat in the corner, a white canopy draping right next to a rocking chair. The window on the far side of the room also looked out onto green pastures. Shelves on the walls were already adorned with toys and baby books. It was surreal. Beautiful and horrifying. You clutched your chest as you slowly walked around the room. 

“Rafe,” was all you could manage to say.

“I didn’t get a lot of clothes yet. I knew you’d want to pick those out,” His arms raised up, scratching his head as if he was nervous to see your reaction. Over the crib, you noticed the space-themed mobile you had picked out at the store gently hanging down. "It’s a good start, right?" he added, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

“It’s literally perfect,” You couldn’t lie at that moment, “Rafe, d-do you really think I would be that horrible of a mom on my own?”

“No,” He rushed out, his face falling, “What? No, I don’t think that.”

“I could never give my baby anything like this.”

He came closer, but you stepped back, “That’s not what I’ve been trying to say with all of this. I think you’d be a great mom. You’re gonna be a great mom.”

You needed to hear those words. Maybe Rafe was the wrong source but you needed that confirmation. In a moment of weakness, you let him closer. He wiped your tears as they began to fall, “It’s not about what you have, but I’m telling you that I won’t let you do it on your own,” He wrapped his arm around your waist and tear-eyed, and you let your head rest on his chest, “I’ll take care of every little worry. All you have to do is agree to be mine.”

“If you really care about me,” you said softly, letting him run his hands over your hair. “You’ll let me make my own choices.”

“Y/N–”

“I appreciate everything you’ve done. I really do,” You lied, “And I want this. I promise. I know JJ is no good for me or the baby. Could you just give me a little bit more time?”

“You’ll go back to him,” Rafe said. His grip on your waist tightened, and you pulled your head away from his chest, gazing up at him. 

“It’s not your baby. You know that, right?” It was the wrong thing to say. His nostrils flared, and your heartbeat quickened. There was no reeling it back, so you pressed him further, “Even if we don’t end up together, I wouldn’t keep his baby from him. That’s wrong.”

“What he’s done to you is worse.”

“You’re right,” You said, trying to maintain the calm, “I know that now. And I understand that you care about me-”

“Do you understand? Really understand? Huh?” 

“Rafe-” You pushed at his chest, and he grabbed your wrists tightly. Your eyes widened as you struggled against him, “Please don’t hurt me.”

Powerless, he held you there, “I’d love your baby like it was mine, I would. And soon after, we could have our own. That’s what I want, for us to be a family,” Each word was low, tight, and controlled as he glared down at you. 

“Okay,” You agreed, scared more than anything, “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll show you,” He was completely cold now, “If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you. How you deserve to be treated. Everything I can give you. Then you’ll see, huh?”

He forced you down to the plush blue carpet with his body weight. You weren’t used to how your center of gravity had shifted, how your belly was also keeping you from being able to push back against him, “Please,” You said over and over again, your arms flailing until he pinned them above your head. You were out of breath already, and you had to slow your movementsand stop your struggling just to catch your breath. In this position, the baby is pressed against your further against your diaphragm, “Rafe, don’t.”

He just looked at you hungrily, grunting as he pulled down your bottoms and underwear. 

“You’re so beautiful like this,” He reached between your legs, and you felt your body freeze, “Fucking gorgeous … I’m so lucky.”

You might’ve swooned in any other context. You were more swollen and much more sensitive, meaning you felt every caress that he made. You didn’t want to, but your head tilted back as he carefully rubbed your sensitive mound, “I’ll make you feel good … haven’t been touched in so long. Daddy’s gonna take care of you,” You told yourself that your body was just reacting, that it didn’t matter how good it felt because you didn’t ask for it. He kept your hands pinned only using one of his, as he used his other to undo his jeans. When he finally freed himself, able to palm his growing hardness through his briefs, he let go of your wrists. On your elbows, you tried to pull yourself away and you caught a glimpse of a smirk on his face. He liked this. Watching you struggle and attempt to crawl away. 

You yelped when he grabbed your hips, pulling you back and lifting them up at the same. He was inside of you before you could fully comprehend it. You could handle it if he thrust hard into you if he destroyed you fast, but Rafe took his time with you. There was no rush or hurry in his movements. He went as deep as you would take him, and his long strokes left you crying out with each one. 

You could handle it if it weren’t personal, but Rafe leaned over you and stared into your eyes with fierce determination. He talked you through every rush of pleasure, “I know, baby,” He’d coo when he knew it was too much, “Feels too good, don’t it?”

“I know you’re gonna cum for me,” He’d say when your eyes threatened to roll back into your head. “Cum all over me, baby,” He said when you finally couldn’t take it anymore. 

When he spilled into you, your body froze again. He cursed, his hips rutting into you. You felt every drop of him, and he didn’t pull out until he’d fully emptied himself inside of you. He sits back on his knees, and you hear him pull up his zipper. 

You flinched when you felt his hand on your thigh again.

“I’m sorry.”

What exactly he was apologizing for, you had no idea.

Rafe had gotten what he wanted because you didn’t speak out of turn once over the next two days. At some point, you expected the cavalry to arrive and come save you, but that hope shrank with each passing day. He invited you out of your room, and each time, you denied it. You easily recalled what happened the last time you left your room. You had all you could mentally handle within the room, and Rafe would bring you all three needed meals and snacks. You were quiet when he started the conversation, but you mustered up a few sentences for him when he grew frustrated at the lack of back and forth. 

You should have been focused on escape, but all you could think about was never letting him do to you again what he had done on the nursery floor. Being pregnant already made you feel like you had no control over your body. Rafe amplified that feeling, making you feel even more vulnerable and easily manipulated given your current state.

You spent most of the day sleeping, punctuated by long baths or staring out the window. Rafe woke up early each morning to tend to chores, the animals, and the early summer harvest. The vast expanse of land meant you didn’t see all the animals during the day, but in the afternoons when he fed Wrangler and Sadie, many of the animals rushed to the fence, hoping for scraps.

“Got you some books,” Rafe said when he came to see you around dinner time. To your disappointment, he wasn’t carrying any dinner with him. He set the stack of books on the dresser before adding, “And I ordered pizza.”

“Thank you,” you said, resting your head back down on your pillow, hoping that meant he’d bring it to you later. 

“Come watch a movie with me, I finally got the surround sound set up.”

“I’d like to eat up here, please?” You asked quietly, “I don’t feel good.”

“You haven’t felt good since you got here.” You let him sit in silence, “You’ll come eat downstairs tonight, Y/N.”

This was the first time you felt he was forcing you out of your room. You didn’t have the courage to upset him, so you lifted yourself out of the bed. He watched you intently, as if waiting for your compliance, aware of your recent streak of obedience. The way the look on his face softened was obvious, and you hated how relieved that made you feel. 

This time, he led you down the staircase, his hand gently guiding the small of your back as you held onto the railings. As you descended, you caught a glimpse of the front door, sunlight streaming in from the setting sun, but Rafe guided you in the opposite direction.

You passed through a large dining area with a substantial dark wooden table near the front of the house, then continued into a cozy living room. A plush sectional couch faced a massive stone fireplace, underneath which neatly stacked firewood awaited use. Above, a large flatscreen TV was mounted on the wall, flanked by windows dressed in simple, cream-colored curtains. Adjacent to the windows, a bookcase filled mostly with DVDs caught your eye.

He took the time to show you the downstairs bathroom and laundry room before leading you to the kitchen, which was located toward the back of the house. It was straight out of a magazine, spacious and well-appointed, complete with a charming breakfast nook. Many of the touches seemed to reflect Rose's influence, and seeing the rest of the house gave you a clearer picture of just how well-off he was.

A box of pizza sat atop the kitchen island, and Rafe pulled out one of the stools for you to sit on.

“You take care of this place all by yourself?” You asked as Rafe helped you into the seat.

“I’ve had some help,” He shrugged, “But I won’t need much help anymore now that you’re here.”

“You’re expecting me to take care of the house?” 

“Someday soon,” he spoke nonchalantly, opening the pizza box. He grabbed a slice straight from it and started eating so you assumed you could do the same. He added with a slightly full mouth, “Better than working at The Wreck.”

You took a bite of your pizza, not wanting to delve into that conversation further. You should’ve known he was expecting you to be a homemaker. Now that you were gonna be a Mom, you didn’t need to have any career aspirations. 

You picked at your slice under his careful eye. This house exuded a warmth that almost drowned out the coldness you felt toward Rafe. You took the time to map out all the windows and doors and the downstairs layout. It kept your mind busy and, combined with the food, provided a helpful distraction. 

“Are you feeling better now?” His voice cut through the silence. 

“I’m fine.”

“You still like those cheesy rom-coms?”

A memory flashed in your mind. You saw Rafe sitting across from you on his bed. A huge party was going on downstairs in Tannyhill, but you and he were upstairs watching a movie. You wanted so badly to show him Enchanted. He didn’t act impressed at the time, but you could tell he liked it because he couldn’t keep his eyes off the screen. 

“Yeah,” You answered cautiously, though the truth was that you hadn’t had time to enjoy a movie in long time. 

“I happen to have a few Patrick Dempsey movies … if that interests you,” He smiled, trying to tease you. 

“I really should get some rest . . .”

“A movie will help you relax. Just one? C’mon, we can watch Can’t Buy Me Love,” Realizing he wouldn’t let up, you gave in.

You sat on the couch as he moved to set up the movie. You should’ve known that he would sit right next to you, his arm wrapped around the pillows directly behind you, “Relax, enjoy the movie.” He said as the movie’s intro began, and you did your best to appear more like you were. When it wasn’t sufficient, Rafe pulled you closer until you could only lay against his shoulder to be comfortable. You tried to focus on one of your favorite movies and there were moments that night when you completely forgot your circumstance. 

Yet, every additional touch brought you sharply back to reality—whether it was the gentle circles his thumb traced on your arm or the tender kisses he placed atop your head.

Please let me know what your thoughts and predictions are! Reblog with a comment to be added to my taglist!

[sourcreammachine]

look yeah. i’m an Avoidant Personality. i’m terrified of doing anything

it’s not that i present cis in real life. in every fucking way to all my people, i am cis. because i’m fucking terrified of not being. my they/them persona online is basically cognitive dissonance: i’m AVPDing away from the fact that i am, cognisantly for years and incognisantly for my whole life, and always will be, a trans girl. i’m “taking it slow” but have been doing so for years and years and years because i’m so terrified and frozen and unable - because i have personal issues i need to work through before my brain will let me start transitioning

and tumblr was safety for me. that’s how i could be non-binary here. wall-to-wall trans inclusivity and love, when you don’t put your head above the parapet. and hell and hostility if you do, but i never had reason to. i could stretch my wings here. i could be something closer to being me here. one little bit of acceptance in a horrible world

and even here, the QuEeReSt PlAcE oN tHe InTeRnEt, a bigoted little baby man and his spineless enablers are annihilating my community of love and safety, and deleting my friends

my friends are going to keep getting deleted. i may well be. exactly how then am i supposed to find community and love and solidarity with all the people i’ve known and loved and supported. i don’t ever like talking about my head here, but it truly is a lifeline for me in a world of hostility

fuck you Matt. i’ll return the favour. next time you have friends over, i’ll be hovering in the room gradually throwing them all out, and then you too. next time you show your face in public i’ll have you arrested for indecent exposure. if you dare say “hey stop” i will call the police and FBI

i hope your car gets destroyed with so many hammers. i hope your house gets smashed down with a wrecking ball. i hope your phone catches fire in your pocket. i hope you never feel like you’re allowed to exist in any space. i hope all your friends get crushed by pianos. i hope everything you touch fucking explodes in your face

[sadhours]

idk some harringrove

Steve talks. He talks and talks. Never has a solid point but that’s fine because his plump, pink lips smack together in a real pretty way that has Billy following. Maybe not the words but the shapes they make of his lips as they leave his mouth.

Dude’s blitzed but this is the funnest Harrington gets. Getting coke is hard in this porta-potty town but Billy’s scored some. And it’s questionable stuff. Ain’t the way it feels back home but hell, does it make Harrington run his mouth. Wiggles his jaw around like he’s bouncing around something in there, and he is— it’s just his words. Billy knows he’s got this fucking dumbass, lovey look on his face. Knows it because when he catches Hagan’s eyes, the fucker bounces his eyebrows. Billy’s been caught. And with the subpar blow and the fiery whiskey, he don’t care too much.

Guards down, maybe because he gets the same type of vibe from these fucks. The vibe his dad gets from him. Spell it out, Billy. F-A-G-G-O-T. Word he says to himself in the mirror to “knock it off” like his good ‘ol dad tells him to. But then you get Harrington in a room with him and it’s all out the window. Wants that word smeared proudly across his fucking forehead so Harrington��ll get the picture. The way Hagan gets it.

Unfortunately, those Bambi eyes might be as empty as they appear. Harrington don’t get it. Even when Billy thinks he’s making it obvious as can be. Harrington will laugh it off, like Billy’s just being guys the way guys are. And that his squeezing of Steve’s face in hands isn’t a gesture of fucking attraction. And well, maybe that’s why Billy does it in the first place.

But he gets that feeling from Steve. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. Cognitive dissonance maybe? Billy doesn’t exactly know what that means. Just knows he wants to plant a fat kiss on Harrington’s pretty, flapping lips and knows the dumbass would laugh it off if he did in the first place.

“God, you’re sure are stupid,” Billy tells the brunette.

Steve pauses, tilts his head as his eyes bounce from side to side. No doubt reciting whatever the fuck he’d said back in his head. Trying to figure out whatever the dumb thing he said was. And there wasn’t— or, there probably was but Billy’s too goddamn in love to even recognize what it was. Staring at those pretty lips like there’s no tomorrow.

Hagan giggles. Billy knows his biggest wish is to be in the middle of a Billy-Steve sandwich. And maybe he’d live his dream if Steve was a little less dense. But as far as that goes, Harrington is the most clueless fucker Billy’s met.

And god damn isn’t that the cutest thing about him.

“What did I say?” Harrington asks, Bambi eyes blinking quick and dumb, pouty lips parted. Billy wants his tongue on them.

“Fuck if I know, I haven’t been listening to a damn thing,” Billy cackles, kicks his foot against Harrington’s ankle for good measure.

“Then how was it stupid?” He’s confused, it’s written all over his pretty face.

Billy shrugs, laughs with Hagan. Knows Steve doesn’t get it and they’re both in love with the idiot. Oblivious to the whole bit.

“I said you’re stupid,” Billy smirks.

“Yeah, no I heard you,” Harrington replies, head still tilted in the mess of confusion.

Hagan makes it weird, “You’re cute, Harrington.”

Billy’s a mess of giggles then, on his back as it rips through him.

Harrington looks at the pair of them like they’re insane. And maybe they are. But Billy agrees, Harrington is cute.

[housewarningparty]

my favorite Miorine thing is that she's so laser focused on suletta to an almost comical degree. prospera reveals that she wants to ruin delling's life (like, her dad, who is dying at the hospital) and miorine goes "ok but leave suletta out of this!". near the end prospera goes on a tirade about eri and miorine, pissed out of her mind, says "you have another daugher! suletta, remember??". i love her.

LIKE. YEAH.

I think the show does a really good job acknowledging that 1) Suletta and Miorine both have REALLY different methods of parsing their emotions and expressing themselves and 2) holy shit they're fucking IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER FOR REAL

You really cannot meaningfully analyze these characters and the decisions they make and the way they relate to each other without keeping their toxic relationships with their parents in mind. There's SO much projection going on - Miorine project herself onto Suletta and Suletta projects her mother onto Miorine.

When we meet Miorine she's isolated and miserable and her only concern is to spite her father and secure her own future. She feels at once dismissed by Delling and also oppressed and controlled by him. Suletta and, subsequently, Earth House are the only real connections she's made with other people. It doesn't take very long for her priorities to shift from getting herself away from her father to providing for her groom and gund-arm.

By late S1 she's undergone this massive shift - she's in charge of a project she chose, working with people she cares about. She's got two things she never had before: autonomy and support.

When Miorine hurts Suletta's feelings by trying to take greenhouse duties away from her, by endorsing her spending time with Elan, she is trying to give Suletta the most important thing she can think to give: autonomy. Freedom to choose how she spends her time and with who. It's a great conflict because it's such a revealing miscommunication. By projecting her own feelings and trauma onto Suletta, Miorine misses what Suletta actually needs. And it beautifully foreshadows the conflict in s2.

Bc the turn in s2 is that Miorine needs to reconcile the version of Suletta that she has come to know and care so much about with the Suletta she was confronted with at plant Quetta. Correctly, Miorine identifies that Suletta is being manipulated and controlled by Prospera. But she takes it further - she overlays her own parental trauma onto Suletta. Miorine sees herself and her father in Prospera's control over Suletta. Worse even: to her father, Miorine was a chess piece in reserve. But Prospera isn't holding Suletta back from anything to preserve her though: she's putting her on the front lines. She's using her as a weapon. And Suletta lacks the perspective to see it.

Suletta is, it seems, incapable of conflict. She can't stick up for herself. We see this all the time but especially in the whole lunch fiasco when she decides everyone hates her because she's too sad to ask for food. Miorine, on the other hand, actually has an easier time expressing conflict and disapproval than she does vulnerability. Calling out Prospera for the way she dominates Suletta makes perfect sense because Miorine has been calling her own dad out for the same things pretty much her whole life.

So, ultimately, Miorine deciding that she has the moral right and authority to make decisions on Suletta's behalf is a great piece of character work. The thing she spent her whole life resenting her father for becomes exactly what she does to Suletta.

Suletta projecting her mother onto Miorine is definitely another part of the dynamic. Again, it's something we see most in s2. Right before the sabotaged duel, we see this moment of total cognitive dissonance in Suletta's thinking. Miorine and Prospera come to hold fully oppositional places of importance in Suletta's world. She ascribes basically an equal level of authority to them.

She loves her mom > her mom loves her > her mom would never make choices against Suletta's best interests > whatever her mom says must be right > if it hurts or if it feels wrong, it's because Suletta has to be more mature. And at the same time she loves Miorine > Miorine is smart and capable > Miorine wouldn't make a wrong decision > if she hurts Suletta, it's Suletta's own fault.

After she loses to Guel, Suletta copes by blaming me herself. She doesn't know how to be angry at someone she loves, but she does know how to feel shame for not being good enough. She wasn't the victim of a cruel betrayal, because her love for Miorine means she CANNOT be capable of doing something that bad. It becomes instead a failure of Suletta's - if she has been better, Miorine wouldn't have abandoned her. It's her own fault for losing and for wanting more than she should have in the first place.

It's the exact kind of broken, warped thinking she applies to Prospera. And it's why Prospera is exactly right when she tells Miorine that she too could get anything she wants from Suletta.

This is why I love the reunion so much. It's so explicitly about owning your own actions and allowing the person you love the space and freedom to decide how to respond. Suletta extends her hand. Miorine decides to meet her there.

Suletta chooses to risk herself in the Calibarn. Miorine alone respects her choice enough to raise the permet score, even if she breaks down immediately after.

Anyway wow I'm fully brainsick about these two. Sorry for that long ass rambling reply but oh my god I'm in a chokehold atm

[nerdieforpedro]

Fare Well

For @wannab-urs Hozier Song Drabble Challenge

Dieter Bravo x plus size female reader (Sweet Pea)

This fic is for those 18+ MDNI

Word Count: about 1.8k (Yeah so…I went past Drabble 👀)

Summary: Dieter has been working so hard. He still has an issue that might be because of his mind. What can he do about it? Do anything else.

Warnings: unhealthy coping, sexual dysfunction, sex work, teasing, pet names, sexual activity (actual and implied I think? I should know. 🙃)

Notes: I listened to this song 5 times in a row because I didn’t really listen to Hozier (now I do). The color this fic is purple or violet, whichever you wanna say it. 💜 I bolded lyrics I was able to put in the fic. 🤗 Thanks to Gin for giving me two Dieter fics to write back to back. ☺️ That little trash panda is always so giving.

Main Masterlist / Dieter Bravo Masterlist / Writing Challenge

Tapping his foot on his hardwood floors, Dieter Bravo is in an all too familiar place. He’s been purposely busy. Keeping occupied except for when he’s completely exhausted has kept him out of trouble, even in the tabloids. People are saying he’s changed for the better. He knows he’s keeping clean, keeping in the straight and narrow.

Bravo has run into a snag on his progress.

The last few paintings had done well in gallery showing, even selling for double than asking price, his last movie was well reviewed. These are both very good things, wonderful. He’s happy, proud even. Bravo is having plenty of sex, mountains of it. In his head. Reality has played out much differently. All this work he’s doing, he hasn’t been able to chase a different high. One he’s used to replace the drugs. It wasn’t that he couldn’t find people to have sex with. He’s been more careful about it, not something he’s been concerned about prior to his new leaf. In doing so, acts he’d normally attempt weight more heavily on his mind and keep little Dee from swelling when needed. Bravo knows the rumor that might be going around but it’s not true! Since his mind is clearer, he actually thinks about who he’s having sex with more and little D isn’t always on board. You know, one of those words his therapist mentioned – cognitive dissonance except it’s happening with his partner in pleasure little D. Big D when he’s feeling in the mood.

He knows he could just go to one of those discreate clubs, seek his needs out there, but he always assumed he wouldn’t need one. The Oscar Winner keeps looking for different projects, in his studio trying out new paints, trying to learn the saxophone (it was a bad idea, but sounded great at three in the morning when he called his assistant and told him what to buy), he then went to a spin class and damn near passed out after fifteen minutes and tried a cooking class but was kicked out for causing an oil fire.

Nothing was working so he called and asked to stop by, check the place out. The owner of course said that was fine – he’s Dieter Bravo, they’d love to have him. Dieter told the owner,

“I’ll take any high. Any glazin’ of the eyes. Any solitary pleasure that masks my sorrow. No drugs though, I’m not willing to backslide over it.”

The owner said they understood and had the perfect person for him.

So now Dieter waits in this room. It’s an array of different purples well violets since this is a more classy place. He wanted to undress to his boxers but was told by the front desk to leave them on. He did remove his shoes, socks and jacket, but otherwise he’s dressed. Simple black slacks and a white button-down shirt that had bellowing sleeves with a deep v-cut exposing his chest down to his sternum. He felt like dressing up a bit but still kept it simple, most of the clientele were in suits and dresses that Dieter saw. Soft guitar music played in the background, he closed his eyes as he waited curious who they might have matched him with based on what he asked for.

Dieter heard the clicking of heels first. Then smelled a deep woodsy fragrance, it approached slowly, matching the pace of the heels. They stopped in front of him and he caught hints of citrus and a flower. Using his aquiline nose to sniff closer to the source, feeling body heat radiating from whoever was in front of him. “It’s faint but you smell like a sweet pea.” He released a deep breath he’d been building from taking in and trying to identify the different components of their scent.

“Welcome Mr. Bravo. I hope my fragrance invokes pleasant memories. I’m told you want to rid yourself of sorrow. Correct?” The voice embraced him as soft fingers coiled around his neck, thumbs pressing into his chin.

“Yes, please. I need to forget, just for a bit. Then I might be able to get my body to function properly. Everything is fine, great even.” He kept his eyes closed and he felt them. Lips on his forehead, warm and plush. They lingered, “Can I touch you, please?” No answer was given as hands left his neck and were placed on each side of a torso. His palms roamed slowly tracing the lace that wrapped the body he had in his hands.

The lips left his forehead and he was tempted to reach for them, but kept his eyes closed, he would wait, trying to keep his breathing even. “Is this alright Mr. Bravo or do you want someone who might-“Dieter wildly shook his head.

“Don’t you go anywhere Sweet Pea. Stay right here with me. Just like this. Maybe more. Can I look at you?” He pulled the body toward him, sniffing more. “Call me Dieter. Mr. Bravo is the one having issues with his little D.” He made himself chuckle knowing what a stupid joke it was. Fingertips graced his cheek and tipped his chin upward.

“Look at me Dieter. How do you want me to drown your sorrows tonight? I usually go by Violet due to the room, but I like Sweet Pea when you say it. It makes me sound cute.” The giggle from this celestial being has Dieter wondering if she’ll still giggle if he’s buried between her legs. He wouldn’t need to come up for air, just search for what would be his reward: her moans and his tongue squeezed by her pelvic muscles. His palms ran around to her back, feeling the different rolls of her body.

“I want to see if I’m going to go into a coma from drowning in your nectar Sweet Pea. Can I be your first casualty? If I was going to go, I’d want to be surrounded by thick thighs and a woman’s cries I offer her.” Slipping her left heel off, Sweet Pea places her leg on the bed beside Dieter’s right leg. His hand slowly makes its way across the curve of her wide ass to her thigh, his large fingers dipping into the small holes of the fishnets, tugging on them. “Let me show you gorgeous.”

Smiling, Sweet Pea gives his lips a quick peck before bending to reach between his legs, “Seems just the thought is enough Dieter. Why come to me? I’m sure you’ve got many offers, especially if you’re asking like that.” She lowers her leg and stands back up, turning her back to him but looking over her shoulder to meet his eyes. The glint in them makes her lick her lips, she could ask him to do it, just to see if he will. Given how desperate he is, he might. He won’t say it, but his body betrays him, he said that ‘little D’ was having trouble but that didn’t seem to be the case at all from what she felt. Maybe it’s the scents, the atmosphere and that what happens here will remain here until he comes back. She crosses the room and drops her black thong, stepping out of it and her other heel, sitting on a violet velvet loveseat with her legs open wide. “This is what you want right Dieter?” Her elbows are on her knees with one hand beckoning him. “Come to me, but undress and crawl.”

Bravo doesn’t want control right now, nor does he want to think. He just wants to act, to perform. In this moment, he isn’t thinking about how lonely he is or how his career could crumble on some whim of culture or random video. There’s only this purple room he can melt into as he removes his clothes, making himself bare to Sweet Pea. Dieter’s actually hard, dripping onto her carpet as he lowers himself onto the floor on all fours. His knees are burning as he makes his way across the padded carpet. It’s worth his goal though, into her tender folds. “You like to see a man work, huh Sweet Pea? That’s more than fine.” Halfway there, his bobbing swollen cock made a mess of the carpet and his belly. Upon reaching her, he placed his hands on her knees and looked up to her, balancing himself on his knees so little D was at full attention. He wanted to show her what she’d been able to bring out of him so far. Something changed though, he was smiling but Violet recognized it. She used her fingers to rub circles into his biceps and shoulders before tracing the pronounced vein on his neck.

“You adorable man. This isn’t what you want. At least not now. You can’t seem to decide between the two Dieter.” Fingers run through his hair, and he knows she’s right but couldn’t she had said so after he’d had his fill, hear her cries?

“You’re not wrong, but I still need this. Need you.” He dipped his head to nibble on her thigh and she hummed but pushed his head back. In standing, she also helped him to his feet and brought him back to the bed, removing her lace corset and climbed on the bed.

“From behind, I’m not going to have your tears dripping where I can watch while you fuck me.” Now Sweet Pea was on all fours and Dieter’s sorrow returned. It was inescapable, but he wanted to see her face. He could block it off, just for a short while he tried to get the sunshine.

“No, I need to see how your face changes as you take me.” Crawling across the bed behind her, he pulled her back flush to his chest and turned her chin over her shoulder, capturing her lips. Slipping his tongue in, the warmth felt good. He hadn’t had it in months, he didn’t know why now, in this place with her, but he’d accept it. All of it. “Pleasure to mask my sorrow is why I’m here, Sweet Pea. Have me bask in the sun.”

Their kiss broke as Sweet Pea turned to put her arms around his shoulders, kissing his forehead once again as Dieter laid back on the bed, she fell forward as he took her hair out of the high ponytail it had been in. Her hair fell around her face, her wet folds grazed his shaft and he moaned. “I’ll be your dawn until the light shines on you Dieter.”

Coming unbound, feeling elated and devastated when he had to leave, Dieter had been able to bury his sorrow in pleasure for a time. Another appointment was made for later in the week. To quote Bravo, “I’ll deny me none while I’m allowed because I wouldn’t fare well.”

Bad ideas that Dieter could use: @katw474 @readingiskeepingmegoing @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @megamindsecretlair @pamasaur @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @sp00kymulderr @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @titlee78 @tinytinymenace @magpiepillsjunior @soft-girl-musings @morallyinept @rhoorl @survivingandenduring @missladym1981 @yorksgirl @heareball @laurfilijames @maggiemayhemnj

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

Well, the last time I posted my opinion on this subject on Tumblr I got harassed so it's why I'm only "active" as an anon. People tend to be very judgemental (on both sides) over this subject because any different opinion is being perceived as an attack on someone's relationship choices. Or judgement over how they play the game, which isn't the case for most of us.

However, I've always taken issue with both "Astarion is poly" AND "Astarion is mono" purely because the canon itself doesn't confirm either one of them. He's not poly just because he allows his partner to have a fling with Halsin. Just like he isn't necessarily mono just because you only romance him in a playthrough. What he is or not is ultimately left for each one of us to headcanon. Like you said, maybe HE will be interested in having multiple partners after the game. Or maybe he wouldn't be. Who's to say exactly?

Again, Larian did a bad job if they truly intended to portray him as poly OR as truly, undoubtedly okay with Halsin. The timing just sucks. And just because he says no when Tav proposes poly with the other companions, it doesn't mean much considering those proposals all come before his act 2 confession, at the time he was performing a lot by trying to be that horny, hedonistic sexy vampire in order to seduce Tav. Likewise, if you date Shadowheart and Astarion at the same time and propose poly to her, she will say "you may be overestimating his desire to share" and "he may seem like a carefree hedonist, but there is something fragile behind the facade" (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3HEkbnM_AM - Minthara says something similar. If the writers truly wanted him to be a poly character why did they had two other characters say that basically he's not into sharing?). So these dynamics are vastly different than those when Halsin comes in with his proposal: usually at a time when Astarion takes a break from sex, when he is in a truly insecure position. He may be feeling like he has to allow Tav this since they stuck with him for so long, even after he admitted his plan to seduce them. Even after Cazador when his response is usually seen as being more secure by the fandom, he's still not very enthusiastic. He even says "it is okay if things between us change because of this" or "I trust you to make a decision that won't hurt what we have". How is this him being enthusiastic? Or him wanting this in the first place? I don't know, but if you want to introduce such a big change to your relationship (like opening it), your partner's first instinct being "it's okay if things between us change" aka a hint to a future break up is not a positive thing at all. It's great to hear he will be fine without Tav, but it's also not true that he won't mind if you break up with him (just try the option to see for yourself, if you do it in the epilogue at the Elfsong he gets really angry).

I also want to point out how he allows Tav a lot. If you cheat on him with Mizora all you have to do is say "I'm sorry" every single time he says something and he forgives you in an instant, without even rolling a persuasion check. Yeah, he will try to break up with you but...he forgives so EASILY. You can even have him bite Araj and with the right dialogue choices you'll still be able to keep the relationship. Or force him to eat the astral tadpole. Yes, he learned to say "no" and put some boundaries but Tav can still easily manipulate him.

Simply put, there are far too many hints in the game itself that this isn't something he really wants or that to some extent he is going along with his partner's wishes, at least at this point in time. Sure, he gives Tav his consent but does he really want it? There is a difference between giving consent to a certain thing and wanting that thing for yourself.

I'm sorry you were harassed. Cognitive dissonance can be extremely triggering for some. However, that does not give them license to be abusive.

You have a lot of good points. Which sucks, because if they did intend him to be poly they really missed the mark. And I can absolutely see where that would be disappointing to someone who was expecting that representation.

I agree with what you are saying. He is quite pliable. His boundaries are very blurry. And the personality that I am, that bothers me as well. It very well could be intended as residual trauma behavior. He is so used to just having to go with what whatever decisions others make regarding him that he is still doing it? As someone who was not allowed boundaries for ages. I find myself still slipping into this behavior from time to time.

He is wickedly complex. And I know its silly, his not real. But I even struggled to ask him for a kiss after the confession in act 2. I really needed him confirm he still wanted them. Have a next day interaction where he thanks you for being so understanding, like after the bite scene, and then pulls YOU in for a kiss.

Its just one of those things where you can't please everyone. And we just need to be allowing of how people perceive it through their own lenses. Thank you for the discussion!

[biblicalhorror]

Saw Barbie last night and like. Yeah the message is very Feminism 101 but honestly I can get behind that because a lot of people these days might need a refresher and it might as well come from an enormous blockbuster that will reach a wide audience. I'm gonna be seriously critiquing this silly movie below so scroll by if you don't wanna see spoilers.

My main critique of the movie is how they approached the whole "women brainwashed by the patriarchy" bit. Like, first of all, it took just a few hours for the Kens to completely dismantle the sociopolitical structures of Barbieland simply because they said so? And they managed to brainwash all of Barbieland super easily despite the supposed "matriarchy" it was supposed to represent. Like. Can you imagine if there was a movie where a girl is magically transported to a parallel dimension where women are the dominant social class and then she went back to the "real world" and told the men about it and they just like. Let her take over? Idk. They explained it in the movie with the line about smallpox but imo it just made me think about Greta Gerwig and white feminism and this mental category of "other women" that white liberal feminism uses to maintain hierarchical superiority.

Obviously, a 2 hour movie can't really dive that deeply into the nuances of why women give in to patriarchy irl. But the fact that Margot Robbie Barbie "saved" the other Barbies from being brainwashed by the Kens by like giving them a rundown of patriarchal injustice felt to me like a white liberal feminist patting herself on the back for being condescending to other women. I knew women like that in college that would genuinely act as if other women were just too stupid or naive to understand sexism unless they, personally, sat down and explained it to them to "snap them out of it" or something.

That's not even getting into the cognitive dissonance irl conservative women embody where, often, they are well aware of the systems in place, but choose to participate in them anyway because they think of themselves as exceptions.

Like. Something something white feminism wants all women to take misogyny seriously but not turn the lens of criticism towards other privileges of white womanhood, and instead live in a world where "other women" are simply being oppressed because they've never considered the fact that they're even being oppressed.

[ceescedasticity]

Unforsaken, 7e

Or possible 8b? Probably 7e. You guys will probably like this one, though I can't say the same for Turgon.

(All sections on tumblr)

(AO3, lagging behind but more polished)

Celegorm and Whiterot return from the Gundabad expedition in mid-autumn.

Celegorm is visibly gleeful.

There are still orcs in Gundabad, and while they aren't unusually aggressive they certainly wouldn't react well to elves right outside their door. However. He thinks they might be reasonable if someone trustworthy came to talk to them.

All the elves: ?????

"Someone looked up to. Someone—"

Turgon: "I get it, Reckless, I'll go, that's enough."

Celegorm (talking over him): "Someone great."

Yes, fine—

Celegorm: "They can probably be talked around, since at this point they're really just goblins."

Turgon: "I said I'd do it." (Shut up shut up)

Everyone who's been living in Imladris lately is very familiar with Bilbo's stories.

Elrohir, privately to Elladan: Is he implying—

Elladan, privately to Elrohir: I think so, should we say something?

Glorfindel: *in denial*

Risyind, politely: "I think it's very nice that they remember you so — I suppose fondly probably isn't the word?

Khitwê: "Positively?"

Sharlinnu: "Yeah, that's about right. The town is remembered fondly, though. That place was great."

Turgon: *doesn't want to say 'shut up shut up SHUT UP' to Sharlinnu, still less his great-niece and -nephew, but really wants them to shut up* "…Thank you."

Whiterot: *saying nothing because she respects people's wishes about not telling their family things [when she's not trying to take attention off herself, anyway]*

Celegorm: *grinning maniacally, which is alarming on an orc but not actually notably more so than it was when he was an elf*

Maglor: *giving Celegorm a pretty good impression of Maedhros's "tell me what the fuck you're talking about right now" look*

Glorfindel: *denials harder*

Celeborn, who's only read Bilbo's story once: "Would someone explain what's going on?"

Turgon, stiffly: "During a lifetime in which I didn't remember who I was, I was in a leadership position for a relatively large number of orcs not directly under the Dark Lord's orders — still influenced, of course, and very dangerous."

Celegorm: "No need to be modest—"

Turgon: "Moving on—"

Maglor: "Celegorm just tell us yourself if you want us to know so badly."

Celegorm: "What do you think, Bellow, should I tell them?"

Turgon: "Fuck you and the warg you rode in on, Reckless. They called me the 'Great Goblin', and I died in a peculiar enough encounter that it's likely at least Imladris heard about it—"

Elladan, slightly strangled: "Repeatedly."

Elrohir, to Celeborn and Maglor: "Thorin's company, the quest to retake Erebor, Bilbo told the story a lot, also Mithrandir was there and, uh—"

Celegorm: "He built Goblindolin and got taken out by Glamdring. It's so funny."

(Look I know the wordplay doesn't work in Sindarin or untranslated Westron but I don't care because it's funny.)

Maglor, by body language: Okay yes that's pretty funny.

Celeborn: *Also thinks it's pretty funny, but doesn't want to encourage Celegorm.*

Glorfindel: Glorfindel.exe has stopped responding

Elrohir, despite being very tired of Being The Grown-Up: "All right, if the goblins in Gundabad will listen to you, that makes things easier! That's great. Do you think you'll go there and come back, or stay in Gundabad until we're passing by?"

Turgon isn't sure — it depends on what he finds there. He'd like to come back to Imladris right away, but — it depends.

Will someone please reboot Glorfindel. Glorfindel you're an Exile, you must have run into worse cognitive dissonance than this before, deal with it.

And Celegorm, please stop making that face.

Maglor: "He can't, it's stuck that way."

[9w1ft]

Regarding the discussion about Taylor and flagging and her power to influence her fans. I don't completely agree.

Yes, I agree that she doesn't have the power to change the heart of a deeply homophobic person. But I believe she has the power to make some of her fans think.

If some kid is head over heels fanatic over Taylor and kinda thinks being queer is gross, and she says it's not... it doesn't sit right in their brain. (ME! +YNTCD, etc...) Some of them clutched their pearls and stomped out of the fandom. But considering the numbers since, I don't think it was that many...

Now if tomorrow she were to clearly, unequivocally acknowledge the controversy and say something along the lines of "there are some fans that think they're doing something good in 'defending' me from 'accusations' of not being straight and it break my heart. You defend people from being accused of a crime. Not of love.". I have even seen the effect of the 'fav' in question saying something along the lines of "some of you fling such vile and homophobic language in my name, it makes ME feel ashamed of you".

Yeah, you might lose some fans. And no, I have a hard time imagining Taylor Swift actually voicing that 'her fans' are anything else than perfect little angles so I don't think she'll ever say 'the things you say in my name make me want to throw up', let alone 'you're part of the reason why I have had to live in a bunker for a decade, you hateful bigot' but. One day, maybe when she's ready to take the leap and she doesn't mind the speculation of "oh... So what if it was true??" she might address it head on. And that would for sure have an effect. The cognitive dissonance of your idol telling you how you feel about something is horrible is powerful. (it's the whole reason why we have PR partnerships and 'influencers'. Because it works.)

i agree with you somewhat.

through my time here, i would say there has definitely been a slow migration of and increase in the number of swifties towards the idea that taylor is not straight, through taylor’s actions, as you have mentioned. the community at large is definitely in a better place than it was in 2018.

but while she can influence some of her fans, she won’t reach all of her fans. i think most people who are fans of taylor care deeply about if taylor thinks they are weird or not, so if taylor called out this kind of behavior as weird and gave a continuous amount of her attention to gaylors or kaylors, over time people would change their tune because they want to believe taylor likes them. still, in the absence of a continued campaign, i do feel that most people would gravitate back to how they originally felt and to their original behaviors as they forget the new taylor presented to them in favor of the one they are used to imagining her as. there’s like a short interval where some people course correct, but these days it feels like not even 24 hours pass before people go back to the same behavior, often reinterpreting what she said to fit it.

maybe one day she’ll really do it, really rip the bandaid off. but i think that presently, taylor doesn’t have plans for a continued effort to change this behavior. and i think there are reasons why. perhaps, shifting her attitude like that would introduce new variables when she wants to be able have some control of what is going on. from her perspective and her life priorities, why introduce that risk. and so, in the absence of her calling out bad behavior time and again, i think it’s reasonable to suggest taking a different course by adapting to the climate on our own.

[ruminate88]

Letting yourself rest and take a break ❤️‍🩹

In this bizarre “healing journey” that I never planned for, thought existed or wanted it to be like this but I’ve sorta had to roll with it. Cognitive dissonance and ruminating have tried to hold me hostage within my mind. Keeping me ping-ponging between thoughts of my past and my ex, Andrew. Is he or isn’t he toxic? Was the whole relationship a lie or not? Did he like me at all or was it truly superficial and about my nudes???

There has been moments I feel crazy sad over him, moments where it’s painful and I almost wanna hide in a hole alone somewhere and then moments where I feel absolutely nothing!! Everywhere I read, it says forgiveness is a process and that so is this “healing journey”. That it all takes time and sometimes you have to take a break and direct your focus on other things… Something I’ve struggled to do because I feel this is all taking too long and I feel so guilty for not just magically getting over the past and letting it all go. Ugh

Remember the tortuous and the hair? The rabbit rushed to win the race, while the turtle was slow and steady…. Ultimately, the rabbit ran out of gas faster and the turtle crossed the finish line with flying colors!! Which one do I want to end up being? Yeah, I feel like life is so short and I don’t wanna waste another second questioning Andrew and dissecting him. Tired of feeling like I go in circles from: sad, angry, numb, etc…. I just want it all to end but what if I’m making more progress than I think?

These past couple months my energy level as plummeted and I beat myself up so bad. Stressing about how little work I’m getting done, how I’m letting things pile up and how I’m just wanting to be left alone. Dreading having places to go but yet when I actually get to these places and see family members, it actually perks me up but soon as I come back home, I wanna do nothing …. 😝❤️‍🩹 This past week I told myself “You have to rest if you went to get better.” And I mean it but I can’t put all this pressure on myself because my stomach can’t handle more stress 💀

In taking time to myself, I’ve felt selfish and guilty. I’ve ALWAYS put other’s needs before mine most of my life. I’ve always cared about everyone else but neglected me because it’s painful. I went from taking care of my grandma who had dementia, to raising my bro’s kids (also babysat for a lot of other families over the years) AND during that time I’m texting all these emotionally abusive men who spun their web of lies in text messages to me. Critical of me in every area of my life. Downplaying my mental health and treating me as if I’m just a beautiful shell with no soul or feelings. Talking dirty to me and abusing my nudes.

Then after that, I jump into marriage with a nice guy who wants to provide for me financially and so I’m stuck in the same old pattern. I bend over backwards to take care of my husband… cook for him, clean for him, make sure he’s happy but I’m still ignoring my own needs as putting myself down. My exes put me down so long that I have believed I’m not worth much. I see this all now.

Idk how hard it is going to be to “take a break” but I think it would be healthy if I could write about other things for a while and even be a little selfish. After all, I have to get a tooth pulled soon and I’m not gonna feel like doing much anyway but there’s gonna be so much going on the next few weekends, I’m already beating myself up like “you have to do A, B & C”…. Plus the consistent thoughts of Andrew that have never went away since the day I met him. I almost think my brain is just been trying to make sense of him but it’s exhausting. Either that, or my brain needs closure or there’s something deeper going on I’ve yet to figure out.

I’ve been able to open up a little bit to my mom-in-law and that’s been both helpful and terrifying. I don’t believe she judges me but I was worried she was gonna misunderstand me “ruminating” and think I don’t love her son… 🥴😩 I didn’t have the guts to tell her that I want to fully embrace and trust her son cuz I mean all these years and he seems genuine but the problem is me. Struggling to get over the past and letting go of guilt and self blame. Thinking I have this failed past. In actuality, my past is teaching me and making me stronger but it’s incredibly painful. Who knew it would all suck this much but what if one day I wake up and I’m a better person and have a deeper understanding of life and love? That would be so cool ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

However, nothing changes over night 🤡 One…….. DAY…… At a TIME 💀❤️‍🩹🔥 Don’t quit and keep going. I’m not the only one who has been through this. Some people have it worse than me I’m sure but not to downplay my experience but to toughen up yet 👍🏻 Resting and no longer putting my own needs off. I can’t keep showing up for people if I lose myself because I refused to heal or get better. ❤️‍🩹 😓 so freakin painful but beauty is pain!!!

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Soooooo, didja see the thing about P5T being confirmed to be non-canon?

Literally JUST woke up to it. TT0TT (link to those who wanna read) I....I'm....livid. I want my money back then! I literally said I buy these games for the lore/chars/story, which means it's gotta be canon.

*inhales* *exhales* You know what? I brought this on myself. Everyone was saying the game's char writing was much better. I thought to myself "oh god, am I....gonna actually ENJOY P5 for once??? Past Kamoshida??? This can't be. But even if the char writing is great for THIS, it still doesn't fix the shit I've had to deal with since then. Haha what if I just pretend this is an Alt timeline P5? :'D Yeah that'll help the cognitive dissonance haha" Oh wait I did post about it (for once I remembered to):

Well.....

Fuck me I guess (please excuse the poor photoshop. I only have MS paint in front of me).

You know what? Fuck the stages of grief! I ain't grieving! When life gives you lemon you fuck those lemons! I'M STILL GOING TO HAVE FUN!

THis story IS CANON!

"B-but Silly! The devs said-" I know what the devs said! They said it's not canon to the P5 storyline we KNOW! It's canon to it's own storyline! Aka, it's just a different continuity! ahahahahahha!

YOu see that Atlus? Haha you did something I wanted! For you to play with the different timelines????? Hahahahahaha I still win! I still get to play with where it could fall in that time frame! I still- *sobs*

Ok before I play with the timeline a bit, I want to say....it's INCREDIBLY SHITTY of Atlus not to warn people that it's an alt timeline (I'm viewing these timelines as kinda like the Pokemon Ash Anime vs the Pokemon I Choose You movie timelines, or just any of the Pokemon Manga)

It def would've fucked the sales over but it's just........it feels RUDE to the consumers. Esp since this is WORSE THAN A MEMORY WIPE! At least with Memory wipes (MW), MWs can at least be used in the narrative later. (such as how Arena/Q1/Ultimax work and are kind of a mini trilogy, Q1 explains how the P3/4 cast trust and get along so fast within less than a 24 hour timeframe, it's cause they already had Q1 to bond!)

But a completely separate canon? We need more context! I've been playing with the idea that the P3/4 casts (not including FeMC) are from a diff timeline as the P3/4 casts from PQ1. So in theory PQ1 and PQ2 can happen fairly close to each other, or they don't and the Q event that happens depends on a timeline. But that's something we kinda need to know.

Ok ok, so here's my updated timeline (ignoring P3R bc I just KNOW they are scorching the earth with that, you'll probs see some similarities with my prev Persona timelines as well as this one too, this one is more simplified down):

Very sloppy and hurried in my defense. I'm half tempted to put P3R on it's own timeline. So to clarify, I'm not saying P5T and P5D parallel each other exactly, but it's a similar timeframe iirc. And I know P5D takes place DURING P5/R, but it was just easier to show in the timeline, so it's more of a list of "game order" rather than super specific times.

And I KNOW that versions can also vary, I already did a timeline like that linked above (more so the first link, note the 2nd link was more when we weren't 100% sure P5 took place in 2016). Maybe later I can make it super specific again but.....not right now.

Also P5X is more of a theory, but this whole timeline is a theory so eh!

Persona Trinity Soul was declared an Alt canon to the games, so it shouldn't really be on this game time timeline about the games.....but it makes it easier to showcase the different timelines and similar events. (in general movies/anime/manga/stage plays all have their own separate canon too, PTS just gets a liiiiitle special treatment since it was originally a sequel to P3 prior to P4's release. PTS is just in a similar boat as P5T, haha both have T in it, and maybe P3P tho we know 100% P3P is canon to the games we just see different continuities.)

Ok theorizing aside........ I guess I'm going to have to approach this game differently.......

Now do I go about it with a clean slate? Or do I just "assume the best possible actions/writing were taken into consideration prior to these events" (aka Makoto isn't an asshole and is better written in dungeon 3 and onwards, and Futaba totally did get her heart stolen, and we TOTALLY DID listen to the public about Oku and TOTALLY DIDN'T also do it for Haru yup 100% blame on the public and ourselves for listening >_>)....I'm pretty sure the game has lied to me a handful of times prior to the tutorial, do I just take those as new truths now?

Should I juggle it being a new slate AND also remembering what happened in the actual P5 so I can point out the lies-I MEAN ahem "differences"?

Well at least it'll give me an interesting way to approach it. "Do you still want your money back?" Yeah a bit wtf atlus you made a mess of everything with that interview. TT0TT

[cuchufletapl]

I know I'm not the first person to say it because I'm pretty sure almost every queer person who's watched the movie took a look at them and went, "Same hat!!" But genuinely, in a world where Barbies are women and Kens are men, what the fuck is Allan? What does it make of Weird Barbie that she was shunned by the Barbies and then immune to patriarchal brainwashing by the Kens?

They are both alienated from Barbie World society.

Allan stands in the middle of it awkwardly, trying to be included but never succeeding either in Barbieland or Kendom. He gets no recognition or attention, no matter who's in charge; the Barbies mostly ignore him even if they are nice to him, and during the take-over the Kens use him and abuse him and try to subjugate him like they do to the Barbies. He's the sole remaining Allan doll in this world, the rest of his kin having already left because they couldn't take that veiled exclusion anymore (and Mattel didn't give a fuck, apparently). His dolls never sold well, as I understand it. Not a Ken (man), not a Barbie (woman). Something else. He was set up to never fit in that society.

Weird Barbie, on the other hand, exists on the outskirts of society, marginal; a Barbie who once partook in the society and fit the mold, but that irrevocably changed in a way that makes all the other Barbies uneasy, despite the fact that she's given them no reason to be wary and is nice and helpful when asked. Her appearence is strange in a way that "ruins" her beauty and her mannerisms are unBarbie-like (unwomanly), but that seems to give her some insight into how a Barbie (womanhood) works that the "normal" ones don't have. She's the result of "playing wrong" with Barbies. She's the witch of that land, in a way. During the Ken takeover she becomes a rebel leader (at the forefront of the fight against the patriarchy because she wasn't an object of desire within it to begin with) and takes under her wing all the discontinued Barbies and Kens as the resistance — possibly, that could've been a thing even before Kendom, since we see the pooping dog toy (also retired from the market) at her house in the first half of the movie, and Stereotypical Barbie seemingly wasn't aware that the discontinued Barbies and Kens lived in Barbie World. A misfit who connects with other misfits.

On a more superficial note, Allan (Ken's "buddy") has a fashion sense that seems queer masc to my eye — all of Ken's clothes fit him, yeah, but his style isn't the same as his and he wears them differently. And Weird Barbie is the only Barbie in the movie to express sexual attraction or desire. Also the only Barbie with short hair. And her rebel fit screams "lesbian."

This movie is about how gender roles harm both men and women, puts them in boxes and forces them to perform in ways that straight-up cause cognitive dissonance. And then here are these characters who are explicit dissenters of the whole binary system in the first place, that don't fit either with the women or the men, and they get just a sliver of screentime. I get why, since more time needed to be devoted to Margot!Barbie's character (she's the protagonist and all), but damn I wish we'd gotten more than insinuations of queer subtext (that maybe I'm reading too much into anyway).

I can't stop thinking about Allan and Weird Barbie and what their place in Barbieland society is and what their role in the movie means.

[jungkook97]

stuck with u; jjk

pairing: jungkook x female!reader word count: 7,336 rating: 18+. there’s lots of loud flirting and a jerking off session + some edging genre: romcom, non-idol!jungkook where he’s your younger brother’s hs best friend turned v hot. kind of an exploration of irl jungkook where he says he puts his heart on his (tattooed) sleeve bc he’s a lil poo <3 

summary: jeon jungkook was always over at your damn house growing up every day and known as your little brother’s bestest friend in high school, playing pokemon or some nerdy stuff. you knew he had some stupid lil crush on you for years, but didn’t think much of it. 

until of course, he sees you again at the fine age of 24 as some hot shot got you thinking differently. 

© jungkook97 2022. do not repost or modify. please ask for permission to translate.

                                                                    wattpad | aff | ao3

You couldn’t believe your eyes right now.

“Kook?” You repeated the name again that this man gave you in complete disbelief.

Jungkook’s eyes wrinkled into little crescents, doing his signature dorky giggle. It was then you knew immediately it was who you couldn’t believe it was before.

Jeon Jungkook, this little rascal. You didn’t think you would bump into this little nerd again. Surely, it’s been a hot minute since you guys last met, and man, did he grow up. 

It seemed like it was yesterday when you first met Jungkook at the prime age of 15 when he first arrived in your seemingly humble abode (Well, not really. You guys lived in a $2 million-dollar, two-story house but ANYWAY. Not the point here). It was where he played Call of Duty and Pokemon with your brother for hours on end, screaming at the top of their lungs before they embraced in a triumphant hug for winning yet another match. 

It was also literally yesterday when you found out that Jungkook was joining your guys’ camping trip to Joshua Tree, a name until that point in time, you hadn’t heard since your brother’s senior year of high school. Time had substantially passed at that point: you graduated from college, got a big girl job, and moved out from your parents’ house. Your little brother was just right behind you, and after not seeing you for a while, decided to plan this whole trip to “catch up”. Your little brother, who’s currently betrothed to his girlfriend of two years, didn’t want you to be a third wheel so naturally, obviously, he decided to bring his high school gaming buddy along.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention. Jeon Jungkook has had a fat crush on you since he met you.

He’s definitely a man now, you thought to yourself, scanning his whole body up and down. You had so many questions. As your eyes linger a bit more than normal in certain areas, the tattoo sleeve he acquired from out of nowhere seemed stuck out to you, along with the freshly pierced lip ring he had on the bottom right corner of his lips. You knew he had stories to tell for all of his body modifications, and you knew you would be invested in it. The cognitive dissonance was insane, but you didn’t mind respectfully looking.

He was taller and slender as well. Not that he was shabby before, but you were looking at a guy who most definitely hit the gym religiously. Everything was toned, everything had volume, and in the right places too. His jawline was screaming at you as your image of boba ball Jungkook was gone. 

He also showed up in clothes you would typically see on him, but it fitted him a bit too well. He looked ridiculously and naturally cool wearing a plain white hoodie and matching baggy black jeans, something you wouldn’t expect to put that word next to Jungkook. However, one thing did slightly change: his shoes were black Prada boots instead of his light brown Timbs. His black-brown hair was tousled around, but made him look quite literally The ~Dreamy~ Boy Next Door.

He was absolutely unrecognizable. 

And.

He was hot. Very hot.

It was bad news for you.

As you began to put two and two together, Jungkook closed his eyes and laughed quietly to himself before pushing you lightly aside as he went to say hello to his old buddy, your asshole brat of a little brother. They exchanged loud banter, followed by loud howling and hollering about God knows what. You didn’t care and have not cared since they’ve known each other as you never understand the inner machinations of their minds. 

You were 100% thinking about something else completely and that was the fact that Jeon Jungkook got hot.

As you grappled with the new reality, your brother snapped you out of it, throwing your duffel bag towards you. 

“Get in loser, we’re going to Joshua Tree.”

-

Let us backtrack a bit here. How did you get to this point?

Jeon Jungkook was a close family friend for most of your brother’s formative years. He was there when your brother had his first high school crush and evidently, first girlfriend. He was there when he was stressed the fuck out during senior projects and college applications, when he was being bullied for being a band geek...he was there for everything. He offered a companionship that your brother had desperately needed, and stuck to him like E6000 glue.

Affectionately called “Kook” by your parents, he was the twin brother that you guys didn’t have. The Jeon and your family always joked about how Jungkook and your brother were twins in a previous life, and that the bromance between the two was something that was rarer than a Tiffany diamond. 

He was nothing but sweet to you, having a little high school boy-ish kind of crush. Everybody knew about it including you, and he was fully aware that you knew it too. It was revealed “by accident” during a Thanksgiving dinner 8 years ago, leaving Jungkook deeply embarrassed, sinking into the velvet green chair with the pinkest red across his cheeks you have ever seen. You couldn’t help but to giggle about it, finding it adorable. 

He was always cute to you, but in a little brother type of way. His cheeky smile whenever he did something terribly wrong was endearing at most, and sometimes, the kid would drive you insane with his sophomoric ways. At times when he’s brave, he would throw you some sexual innuendo or flirty jokes, only to be extremely flustered and blush-y when you shot it back to him naturally, thinking not much about it. You were simply just giving him little crumbs here and there to make his day better. It was the least you could do after all he’s done for your brother when you couldn’t be there for him.

It was when your brother and Jungkook went to different colleges when you stopped seeing him at the house. Soon enough, you moved out and went to have your first working professional job. Time with the family grew shorter and sparse in between. You began to see different partners over the years, had your ho phase, and experienced a LOT. Jungkook became a distant memory as the little kid your brother was friends with who had this fat crush on you.

Now you guys are shoulder to shoulder with each other for four hours.

With your brother and his beloved in front, Jungkook purposely sat in the middle in order for him to exchange endless anecdotes and stories to his favorite bro. Of course, that conversation didn’t happen because your brother and his girlfriend began being lovey-dovey to each other, much to both and Jungkook’s dismay. This led to the both of you exchanging “I’m sick” expressions to each other before sparking a conversation with each other.

You ended up finding a lot in those few hours. You learned where he got his tattoos (sitting 6-7 hour sessions at a time, not really thinking much about what he was inking), how his parents were (good, still very Christian though), and what wild shit he did during college (started smoking marijuana, tried LSD and e and microdoses shrooms for his creative endeavours). 

Of course, you took this time to fully analyze his features. You saw a recently closed piercings at his right eyebrow, and how incredibly smooth and clear his skin became. He wasn’t that boy who struggled with acne anymore, but rather a guy who knew what he can do besides just using Head and Shoulders 3-in-1 shampoo. He was put together, and was a lot more charming than before. He was confident, sitting upright and leaning onto you with not much hesitation nor nervousness. 

You couldn’t help but to feel a bit flustered, especially when he was wearing one of your favorite colognes. It felt like a huge setup truly, as you found yourself being attracted to Jungkook. It felt weird, but it didn’t at the same time.

It felt...natural.

“Yeah so...she straight up broke up with me after that,” Jungkook explained, sighing deeply, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was dumb, but whatever. She was so bad for me.”

“She sounded like it!” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at the whole situation. “And the fact that you put your all into it too. That’s the worst.”

Jungkook’s hazel eyes met with yours after and there was a moment of silence between you two. With the distant car engine running in the background and the afternoon desert sun hitting his eyes, it was sparkling with pure sadness. You could feel your heart sink as you knew what it meant to him. His ex-girlfriend was his first serious relationship and fundamentally changed the way he felt about love. You experienced that before, and you knew that fucking sucked. That was intense, and as you guys met eyes, he swallowed harshly before clearing his throat.

“Yeah...” 

More silence.

You sighed.

“Well, at least you’re growing and learning from it. That’s all that matters,” you patted him on the shoulder, rubbing it slightly around the middle of his shoulders. Instinctively, Jungkook returned the gesture, putting his hand on your knee and mimicking you. 

For a minute, you guys just exchanged telepathic messages to each other, ranging from lessons learned about love and companionship. It was genuinely a sweet moment that you always shared with Jungkook, but this time, you couldn’t help but to feel something a bit more. As you look deep into his eyes, you could tell he was about to say something to you about you, but wouldn’t due out of respect to your brother. In fact, he told you later after the confession that he originally wasn’t going to confess out of respect for your brother. 

“It was just something that developed and I’ll get over it,” Jungkook had said the following day when you guys sat on the swings while your brother was having a smoking session in the car. “Don’t worry about it.”

Did he ever get over me? 

Jungkook’s jaw tightened after a bit as he took a deep and sharp inhale, his eyes wandering elsewhere with a light blush across his cheeks. Your stomach did a flip as you looked towards the desert immediately, causing him to pull his hand away and clear his throat loudly, prompting a confused look on your brother’s face on the rear mirror window.

“Y’all better not be flirting back there or I’ll literally kill both of you.”

You turned red as Jungkook stuttered back a denial, pointing at his friend in frustration.

“W-we are NOT doing that.”

“Okaaaaaaay.”

-

First night came by fast as you guys spent hours building your campfire site. Jungkook and your brother had convinced themselves that they can camp without all the luxuries. So, as a silent competition of sorts, the two propped up their own tents using their best skills they learned from being at church retreats. Of course, your brother’s girlfriend and you were rooming together in the biggest tent, two very comfy sleeping bags, electronics and the whole nine yards.

“You guys aren’t really camping, okay,” your brother quipped as you guys finished assembling what looked like a front yard for the tent, complete with an umbrella covering for the fancy foldable chairs you two had bought together.

You rolled your eyes as Jungkook piped in.

“Yeah, you guys are living in luxury while we peasants are probably going to catch fish for you guys to eat later.”

“Don’t be dramatic!” you shot back, causing both of you to laugh. 

“Am I wrong? I have to provide for you. That was the deal for this trip,” Jungkook chuckled, flattening out his barebones sleeping bag before dragging it into his half-made tent.

You tilted your head in confusion.

“Deal?”

“Yeah, didn’t you know? Your brother and I are going to compete to see who can be the better provider. Whoever wins is going to treat them to a fancy schmancy dinner.”

“What?” you looked up to the sky in absolute disbelief. “Do I look like a damsel in distress?”

“Sometimes!” Jungkook laughed. This asshole, you thought. 

He walked over to your tent and kneeled down to get into it right after you got inside to rearrange some things. Crawling over to the corner, he watched you unpack your things with his legs crossed over each other. You could feel his eyes travel around you everywhere you went. Before, that didn’t bother you as he had always been so obvious, but something about this recent glo-up of his that is making it extremely filled with sexual tension. You could imagine the way he looked at you, and where he could be looking. At the risk of sounding egotistic, you had a banging body so he definitely had a lot to look at. There was something hot about that, just the idea of a very attractive man just checking you out so casually with the urge to do something now that he was alone. 

I dare you to say something right now. Entertain me. 

“You’re missing a little something in your tent.” 

You turned around to Jungkook at the sound of his voice. You knew it: he was checking you out.

Shaking your head, you snorted at his obvious attempt of flirting with you.

“And what is that?” 

You already knew the answer, but you let him fucking have it. Go ahead, you thought. Shamelessly flirt with me like you always do, especially with you looking like that right now.

Jungkook simply smirked, pulling up his sleeve and yes, it was the tattooed one.

“Hmm...” he drew a big pout on his lips. “Forgot. I’ll tell you later,” he smirked. 

Okay, you little bitch.

-

You couldn’t sleep. 

First of all, your stupid butt forgot to clear out the rocks before laying down the tent, leaving you with a giant lump in the middle of your back. You groaned softly, pulling the sleeping bag towards the right to alleviate the pressure, only to be met with another lump near your buttocks. Sitting up soon enough, you made a big sigh, fluffing up your hair in frustration. 

You were deep in your thoughts about Jungkook. You were on hour three still trying to grasp that this kiddo turned into a man, a hot man to be exact. You never found younger guys attractive as you had an annoying little brother, so this new profound feeling with Jungkook felt strange to you. It didn’t help that he and your brother are homies, and respecting your brother has always been paramount to the both of you. It was why you didn’t give him a chance and why he wanted to squash all feelings he had. 

But still, he was on your mind. In your mind, you guys were being absolutely sweet to each other as he leaned onto your shoulder and evidently, leaned into a kiss. You wondered what those small red lips tasted like, where his lip ring would play a role in you guys exchanging saliva. You wondered how and where his hands would go, where you guys would even do it, and―

Oh God. It’s bad.

Thinking you could physically run away from these thoughts, you slipped on your flip flops and pushed through the tent’s exit as the cold dry wind hit your face. It caused you to shiver a bit and soon enough, you made your trek to the nearest body of water to try to get your mind straight.

Soon, the sound of the falling water greeted you as you pulled a blanket from the tent down somewhere and sat down on it. It was then you felt a bit of privacy to sort out your feelings towards Jungkook.

Too bad you couldn’t do it for long.

“Y/N?”

God.

“You followed me here or what?” you turned around, looking at him in disbelief. Jungkook sheepishly smiled. His hair was curled up from the late night shower he had, wearing another black tee and basketball shorts. A white towel was swung from his neck and uhh, he was not wearing any boxers underneath. It was…alarming to say the least. 

Donning some Puma slippers, he knelt down in front of you, leaning towards you a bit to match your eye level.

“Just making sure there’s no weirdos out here watching you, that’s all.”

“Well, there is one in front of me,” you rolled your eyes. He grinned, taking a seat down next to you immediately. Your finger picked up the utmost corner of his towel. “You just take a shower right now?” He nodded. “Why?” 

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Same.

“Same.”

“What’s bothering you?” 

You.

“Uh...hard to explain.” 

“Is it really?” he chuckled, licking his lips in anticipation.

Subconsciously, you leaned him a bit closer to where you heard him breathe. He held his breath at that moment, which left you smirking. You loved getting him flustered.

“Yeah. You wouldn’t believe it actually,” you found yourself tucking your hair behind your ear. Should you just shoot your shot at this point? It isn’t that your brother was 100% against it. In fact, he was the one who told Jungkook to ask you to senior prom before he chickened out and went alone. It was cute after all: he finally gets the girl he has had a little crush on since he was 16.

But also, you felt that your attraction to him might be only sexual. A part of you felt bad about that, considering the fact that you two had bonded on so many things over the years and especially in the last several hours. As he picked up the pieces of your brother’s chaotic life, he came to you for advice on girls and guys all throughout high school. He was the first person he came out to when his parents were devoutly incredibly Christian. He cried in front of you a few times as you consoled him, making sure that your brother’s best friend was taken care of. 

That Jungkook you know would be very hurt if all you wanted was to (respectfully) make out with you, considering that he cares very much about you.

It wasn’t like you completely crossed off the idea of dating him. He was the type of guy you would go after a string of messy relationships and eras, someone who you can see yourself grow with. He seemed to grow into someone you were 100% ready for, someone who went through his traumas and overcame them. He went through a lot of failures and preserved through it all…he has had life experience.

But you were still figuring all of that out. And even at that stage, you still felt bad. 

Don’t hurt him, Y/N. That would be very cruel.

His eyes met with yours as he hitched his breath again.

“What’s on your mind? Is it…” he paused as he bit his bottom lip, chewing on his skin. “Is it your ex again?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at the unexpected name drop.

“No…?”

“Actually?” he perked up, wiggling a bit around to settle his back. “That’s new.”

It is? It is!

Your mouth gaped open as you emit an “Ah” noise, remembering your guys’ last conversation. It was about your shitty ex again, something that you went deeply into detail for hours about because it was a wild ride of a story. Jungkook was deeply invested in all of it, making theatrical reactions that were worth an Oscar, causing a lot of entertainment for you. He quipped with his own experiences with his ex as well, drawing comparisons between the two. It was nice to collectively agree that both exes sucked majorly and in a weird chain of events, they had known each other.

“Yeah no. I, uh, actually…” Where did you even start? “Been thinking about how people change so fast, you know?”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow with what seemed to be a light smirk. With his hand resting on his chin, he mused about it.

“Who is it?” he asked innocently, blinking ever so slowly to you.

He knew. This man is such a tease.

“Well, you, for example.”

“Mm.”

“Like, a lot too.”

He smirked.

“Yeah? You like it, huh?”

You scoffed immediately, turning away.

“Wow, you’re not being slick about it either.”

“Fuck no,” he made a shit-ass grin, leaning in closer to you. “The girl of my dreams thinks I’m cute, how can I not be cocky about that?”

This little bitch.

Your heart started to betray you, beating at a million miles per hour. With blood rushing quickly to your cheeks, your hand pressed against his hard chest, pushing him lightly away.

You wanted him. You wanted this man so bad.

“You’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, huh?” Your hand rested on his cheeks as his hands instinctively rested on your hips. “How long did it take for you to practice that on me?”

His eyes lowered to your lips as he let out a light chuckle. It was a very low, quiet and very sexy chuckle.

“You think this pretty face practices pick-up lines in the mirror? I’m not that little nerd anymore, Y/N.” He attempted to get closer and frowned at your palm getting in the way of you two closing the gap. “I think I’m more than that to you right now, actually. A lot…” he took a sharp breath, shaking a bit. “We clearly got something going on between us.” 

He pushed back against your palm as he fixated on your lips as his own pursed together, his sharp jawline clenching. His hands were around you, and there was no going back at this point.

Just kiss him. Fucking do it.

“Kook…” you began.

He overtook your strength and pushed through, meeting your lips with his own. The sharp inhales you two took exhilarated each other as your arms wrapped around his neck almost naturally. He tasted exactly what you thought it would: marijuana and bad decisions. Jungkook didn’t hold back in the slightest, exploring your entire body as much as he could because he fucking could. You did the same, knowing that this might be the only time you could make out with him before the feelings thing started kicking in.

You knew Jungkook wore his heart on his sleeve. It was evident in all of his exes and even for you. Deep down, you know that he knew you were still sorting out your romantic feelings towards him, but the tension was out of control. He knew the possibility of being led on and he went on ahead anyways, which is just so SO Jungkook of him.

You and Jungkook made out for roughly 20 minutes with a lot of time to play with his lip ring (which he thoroughly enjoyed) and more sensual touching and grinding against each other. It was when Jungkook began to slip his fingers through your joggers when your eyes widened and aggressively put your hand on his forearm.

“Kook…” you whispered, trying to catch your breath. “We can’t…”

His hands pulled up towards the drawstrings of your joggers as his lips continued to dance with yours. In between short kisses, you guys began to argue.

“You don’t want this, babe…?”

“I do, Kook...”

“Then why are you stopping me from making you feel good…?”

You mewled as his tongue navigated through the nape of your neck, nipping harshly away. You loved neck bites and fuck, was Jungkook really good at it. His hands moved up to your chest as he grabbed your breast, caressing them in his big veiny hand and the other on your waist. His palms were wickedly soft, which sent shivers down your spine as it felt super good through your hardened nipple.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N…” he murmured. “And I want to make you feel so fucking good…”

He pinched and twirled your hot and sensitive nipple, sending warmth down your thighs. You were shaking from pleasure as he kept nipping at you, gradually turning into more animalistic bites lasting more than a second. 

“K-kook…!” you yelped, writhing around. “Please…”

He stopped and looked up at you with the biggest fuckboy smirk you’ve ever seen. He knew you were under his spell, and he had been waiting for this moment for years. What’s worse was that you wanted it so fucking bad, and really want him to just take you and fuck you relentlessly.

Let him, Jesus Christ. He can fuck you good.

And then, right before you were about to tell him to just fuck you senselessly, he stopped completely, retracting one of his hands from your nipples and moving down towards your navel. With his lips parted slightly, he stuck out his jaw.

“I’m not gonna lie, I love this look on you…” he trailed off, meeting eyes with you. He never looked so fucking sexy, so confident in his words. This Jungkook definitely got around during his years in college, fucking some 9 and 10s for sure. The confidence was that of a charismatic rockstar, someone you never thought would equate to Jungkook at all.

“Kook…” your fingers began to run through his hair before you tugged onto it and pulled him closer. “Please…”

“Please, what, Y/N?” He said in the lowest of whispers, extending his two fingers before sliding through your panties and into your folds. “‘Please finger me good?”

His fingers started to flick back and forth through your clit, making you inhale sharply before mewling in contentment.

“Kook…”

“Mmm, you’re so wet for me, fuck,” he noted. “Fuck…Y/N…” his fingers progressively moved faster as you turned and pressed your back against his chest, opening your legs to feel the full force of his fingers. You pulled out his hardened cock from underneath his basketball shorts that was previously sitting in between your buttocks twitching and began to jerk the man off, leaving him groaning in pleasure. You began to ride on his thigh rhythmically along with the speed of his fingers, whimpering and writhing. 

“Fuck, your whimpering…” he whined, his hands slowly releasing some pressure from your nipple and clit as his cock twitched in your wet hand. “Fuck, Y/N…”

His fingers repositioned themselves and entered your vagina, sending shockwaves down your spine. You yelped and clenched your cheeks together, but he respread you out again by pushing your right leg down in one motion. He had strength to put you in your place, something you normally deal with when it came to older men. It was then in your head that you concluded that younger guys can fuck as good as older guys, and sometimes, they’re even better. 

You felt and heard your pussy squished furiously as you lost your grip on his cock, mewling and eventually yelling from the pleasure. He was finger-fucking you like a goddamn porn star, changing his rhythms up exactly when you wanted it. His fingers that were dabbling deeply in your nipples made its way up to your neck as he choked you lightly. 

“Fuck…ing…Jesus…”

It was upsetting how in tune he was with you, something that some of your exes or even friends with benefits didn’t get sometimes. The fact that you’re being intimate for the first time with Jungkook and he made you feel like this so quickly scared the shit out of you. Suddenly, you felt that you needed this all the time from him, and from him only.

“Fuck, Kook!” you screamed as you cocked your head back to prepare for the large orgasm, only to be met by a little squirt and his fingers stopping completely. The lack of release made you gasp loudly as you began the same process for him. For him, his cock just grew harder and larger, twitching as precum continued to ooze from his very red tip. 

“Y/N…fuck…”

He began to pant quickly as his hand gripped your inner thigh roughly to orgasm. It was then you took your hands off his cock, leaving it twitching with more precum and him gasping for air.

He edged you out a few more times (which you didn’t know men even did), he let you take the wheel again. With his cock repositioned right next to your pussy, you two went at it, grinding against each other.

It didn’t take long after when you two orgasmed together (with you squirting through your undies and joggers and Jungkook ejaculating in his shorts), leaving the both of you panting heavily at the end of it all. You wanted to go further to where Jungkook bends you over and fucks you senselessly with his tattoo sleeved arm around your neck tightly with no clothes whatsoever, but fucking in the middle of nowhere with some poisonous snakes around wasn’t the best idea. 

Also, the fact that you hooked up with your brother’s high school best friend was already A Lot for you to take in.

After exchanging slow aftercare kisses, you hopped off his thigh. There was a long pause between you two as your breaths evened out. You began fixing your hair and clothes to get ready to go back.

Jungkook did his shit-eating grin before sticking his tongue through his cheek and turning away from you.

“So…are we gonna do this shit during the whole trip because…” his head cocked back towards you to smirk devilishly, “…I don’t mind it.”

You blushed furiously, adjusting your joggers again and clearing your throat, leaving him to chuckle a bit.

“Sorry, am I being too forward for you? I know you need to adjust to…” he gestured to himself by making imaginary circles around his chest, “…all of this.”

“Kook, please,” you groaned, pushing yourself back up. Extending your hand out to help him up, he took it, pulling you towards him so hard you two collapsed into each other, putting you two in a soft embrace. His smirk never left his face as you were left speechless and very flustered.

This kid is seriously gonna kill me, isn’t he.

“Please what? I’m just being myself, Y/N.”

“No, you’re not,” you rebutted, pulling away. Murmuring under your breath, you swiped the dust off of your joggers, “You realized you’re hot and now you’re so…”

You pursed your lips together to find the right word. Jungkook didn’t care what it was though because he continued to grin like the little idiot he was, acting as if he just fucked the head cheerleader at his high school. 

Not bad for a band geek.

“Well, as I said,” he inched closer to you, his lips touching your ear, “I’m down to do this again and more this weekend if you want. No strings attached.”

Of course. But that’s what he always says before he catches feelings, which has happened 100% of the time every time he wants a friends with benefits.

“Kook…” you began. He held his finger up, stopping you from continuing.

“I know what you’re gonna say and honestly, I can handle myself, okay. Like…” he sighed, shaking his head. “Not gonna get attached,” he crossed his hands together in an ‘X’ formation, “I might have this almost decade old crush on you, but I…”

He hit his chest.

“Am.”

And again.

“An.”

Again.

“Aduuuuuult.”

You rolled your eyes and pushed him away playfully, leaving him laughing quietly to himself.

“You keep telling yourself that, Kook,” you replied, making your way back to the campsite with Jungkook following closely behind. “I just have an extensive record of people falling in love with me in the same scenario.”

Jungkook swallowed harshly. Yeah, he knew about that, alright. After all, you are one of the best girls he ever came across: beautiful, intelligent, with the right amount of attitude and elegance…you were perfect to him. You were his ideal type, something he proudly talked about to his group of friends all throughout his high school career.

He also knew romance wasn’t in sight because of his close association with your little brother, which in return, got you thinking he was a little brother to you too. 

He always wanted to get out of that image so he did just that. He went off to college and he took it upon himself to get into sports, taking boxing classes and working out 4 times a week. He traded in his little nerdy hobbies into being fascinated with sports cars and racing before landing a job working for a luxury car company. His Instagram feed consisted of showing new concept cars from Germany, car expos where he took his clients on a spin, and zooming through with him on the racetrack with lavish and exotic cars. Anybody who had known him since high school suddenly hit him back through the DMs, whether it’s to test drive the new GT coupe or to spend some Netflix and chill time with the rotation of people. Jeon Jungkook became a hot shot quickly, and that was something you weren’t aware of.

What he wasn’t aware of was that your mind was ever so changing, adapting to the new Jungkook and seeing him as a man. Maybe it took a little intimacy for you to warm up to it, but you weren’t entirely put off by it. Sure, he was a bit more cockier, but can you blame him? He’s an extremely attractive, tattooed bad guy who was a surefire good time. 

And he was a good time.

You guys went back into your tents with each other on your minds. Jungkook felt like he was a million bucks, on cloud nine, and whatever kind of euphoria he was feeling. He fell asleep almost immediately, snoring away. 

You, on the other hand, were still wide awake. Now that you two exchanged bodily fluids, you thought of his proposition. It was appealing, but again, that fear of him catching feelings was in the forefront of everything. What if he confesses his love to you while he dug deep into you? He clearly had a pattern: hook up with people as a friends with benefits, catch feelings despite said person already agreed to not, and then getting fucked over in the end. 

Rinse and repeat, that was Jungkook, and it didn’t take a lot for you to notice that real quick as he endlessly talked about his endless flings during that 4 hour drive earlier. You didn’t wanna say it, but you were exactly his type. His M.O. (modus operandi) was very loud in your brain.

What if this kid falls for me? Would I mind? Can I return those feelings?

Your stomach lurched around as that thought lingered a bit. 

Hmm. I wouldn’t be totally against it right now.

-

As the weekend went on, your brother and Jungkook were still going at their game to be the “best provider”. It was something that should be digested in therapy for psychoanalysis because it gave alpha male competition vibes to you, but you enjoyed the free entertainment. Your brother’s girlfriend didn’t mind being treated like the queen she was.

Meanwhile, you were catching feelings for Jungkook. There was something about how sweetly and softly he treated you during the whole trip, like the way he cheekily caught a fish with his bare hands (“It was pure luck!” your brother exclaimed as Jungkook winked at you, earning a blush on your cheeks), or the way he made sure your lifejacket was securely tied before you two raced the other couple down the river in a kayak. It was the way he grinned every time you were “innocuously” physically affectionate with him, throwing light punches or grabbing his body. It was the same shit-faced grin he had the first night you two did something, the “I know how you fucking taste now” thing was what did it to you.

Or perhaps it was the way Jungkook learned your body and rhythms so quickly in the later hours as you two continued doing shit together. It progressed from handjobs to oral, and on the last night, he penetrated through your pussy to fuck you senselessly as you wished, tattooed arm around your neck like you were fantasizing about all weekend. 

He knew you too well too quickly. Up until this point, you never experienced orgasms that got your toes to curl or you to see the stars above you two in 3D or some shit. Jungkook was in tune with your body, and there was something super sexy about that you couldn’t get enough of. He wanted you so bad and wanted you to get fucked by him perfectly every time. Deep down, he felt that if he fucked you good enough, you’d continue to come back for more and soon, become his. 

He knew that your guys’ time together was limited because you were a working professional and so was he. He jumped back and forth from Germany and the U.S. while you’re always in Manhattan. This was a moment that you two had to seize because who knows when you two would see each other again.

As your head laid on his falling chest, he hummed to you a few melodies here and there. It was a shame that he never became a singer, you thought. His voice was angelic and light, filled with so much warm energy. You felt so adored and loved, and you could wish it lasted forever.

You felt extremely warm at the pit of your stomach. It was feelings of infatuation, of love, of romance. It was uneasy to get into at first, but you couldn’t help it. As you ran through your fingers through his numerous tattoos, you wanted to give it a try. He was familiar, but you rediscovered Jeon Jungkook again this weekend, and got to know him…as him. 

“Kook?” you pulled up your blanket to cover you two as the cold breeze went through your guys’ tent.

He looked down at you and into your eyes. Those doe eyes…they’re so hard to describe to people. There was that bit of innocence that was lost in them as he grew, but they were still so full of life. You could tell he was a bit nervous because well, he did catch feelings that night (he actually confessed to you about it the following day because he could not keep secrets from anyone for anything). He was furiously blushing, his breaths getting hollow and short as he tried to keep it together.

He was still Jungkook, after all. A nervous little guy behind this muscular, tattooed man. 

“Hmm?” was his little attempt of trying to be cool. You laughed at his voice crack as he continued to blush a deep red.

“I’m glad we met each other again,” you smiled, rubbing his ear with your thumb. “I really needed this…needed you, actually.”

Jungkook turned away quickly as he got even redder than ever as he cleared his throat several times, turning that into a cough. You giggled, continuing to rub through his numerous ear piercings.

“You’re adorable when you’re flustered, you know that?” 

“S-stop,” he managed to speak through all the flustered energy, unable to look you in the eyes. “You don’t mean that.”

Your smile dropped.

“Mean what?”

Jungkook stiffened, expressionless.

“This was just a little fling…we did shit and like, that’s gonna be it. You don’t…” he hitched his breath, “You’re not….you don’t feel the same way as I do.”

You’d be surprised. 

“Kook, what makes you think that?” you lightly replied, immediately quelling a huge chunk of his insecurities. Cupping his small face, you demanded his attention and he refused to give it to you. This made you frustrated. “Kook.”

“First of all, you’re calling me by a nickname your entire family gives to me, which means you clearly still see me as a kid,” he began, pulling your hand away from his face. “And…” he sighed. “Fuck…I don’t even know where to fucking begin with this.”

Your heart skipped a beat. How deep did this man go?

“Y/N…I…” he swallowed, closing his eyes as they rolled in his eyelids. “I fucking love you,” he said breathlessly. “I always loved you. And I know I set myself up from the moment I said yes to this stupid trip because I knew I was just gonna love you deeper and deeper as the weekend continued. Like…”

Jungkook started shivering.

“I don’t know how else to fucking say it. I waited for you for so long, and all you could fucking do is to see me as your brother’s little nerd friend like. I’m not…I swear to God, I’ll treat you better than any of your previous boyfriends…girlfriends….all of them…I just…” he started to tear up, sniffling. “All I want is to be with you, Y/N. And now that I tasted you, was in you…fuck…I don’t…” he whimpered as tears dripped down from his closed eyes, “I can’t see myself with anybody else. I just want you. It’s always been you, every time.”

He broke down milliseconds after. You found yourself following suit as he continued to sob, breaking down all the walls between you two (quite literally too as the sobs could probably be heard outside of the wall of the tent). 

You knew this was coming from a mile away, and you were prepared for it. If there was anything that was consistent about Jeon Jungkook is the fact that he passed around his heart like a shared cigarette at a bar without much thought and a care in the world. He was so vulnerable to everything, and he was extremely sensitive. You remembered when he first got rejected by some chick in his AP Physics class, and how devastated he was for weeks on end. You consoled him as your brother was being dismissive about it at the time (“Bro, you need to get over it already, it’s been a week!”). So, you have been on the other side of it.

You didn’t think you would end up being that girl to him right now. 

He loved me all this time…Jesus. This kid. 

No, no more “kid”. That’s so disrespectful to him.

“Jungkook…”

He opened his eyes slowly as he heard his full name for the first time.

“Y/N…I swear to God…” he laughed nervously, sniffling. “I know I’m a fucking idiot, but if you’re gonna say my name like that, I’m gonna lose it.”

“Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook…” you continued on, growing a small smile on your lips. “Jungkook…”

“Okay, now it’s getting kind of weird―”

“Jungkook, I fucking like you, you stupid idiot!” you confessed, laughing. He looked into your eyes again, this time in disbelief.

“What?”

“You heard me. I fucking like you.”

“No, you don’t,” he scoffed. “No, not as much as I love you.”

“You want to make this into a competition now?” you frowned. “It’s unfair, you got a whole 10 years to love me and I…”  you chuckled, before delivering the cheesiest thing: “...I need ten years or maybe forever to catch up with you.”

Jungkook was dead silent, speechless. With his mouth gaped open, your index finger found its way on his chin, pushing up to close it.

“I said what I said, Jungkook. Give me some time to fall in love with you the way you fell in love with me,” you leaned in and kissed him on his button nose, wiping the tear streaks away. “It won’t take long. Trust me on that.”

Jungkook’s muscles began to relax at that comfort as he returned the kiss, this time on your lips. 

“Okay. I love you.”

You smiled at him, kissing him once more.

“And I’m going to love you even more.”

- end -

[cinnamonest]

Omg xiao breeding Zhonglis wife--imagine they have a kid and the kid ends up getting out to liyue one day--runs into zhongli who's still mulling over his wife's disappearance but runs into a kid who looks striking similar to her....but also like Xiao...

OOF yes in continuation of this post (and a few similar past posts I think?) about Xiao stealing Zhongli's little wife who thinks he's truly dead and keeping her from finding out the truth, so Zhongli has no idea what happened to her... imagine him putting two and two together... he always knew, deep down, that Xiao majorly crushed on his wife but he never believed he'd have the utter audacity...

He runs into some sweet little kid who looks strikingly like his wife... except for one little feature... this child has those bright golden eyes. They look so familiar, but he can't place exactly what it is about those eyes or exactly whose they resemble... the sweet child comes bounding forward and bumps right into him, falling over.

Especially if, for whatever reason, I remember like months ago we discussed the idea of what if something about Zhongli's current form was just a little different, or Xiao hasn't seen him in his human form in so long he's kinda forgotten a bit, and doesn't recognize him immediately... he comes up stuttering and mumbling an apology to the man that the child just bumped into, who promptly asks him if it's his child, does he have a wife? Xiao's too preoccupied with picking the kid up (regretting bringing him out today, sigh, he needs to get the kid home to its mother), and hasn't bothered to look closely at this man's face, and doesn't recognize his voice, so he just mumbles something about how yeah, it is his kid.

Is that so? I was unaware you had one.

It's not until then that he actually looks up and... slowly, completely freezes in horror, eyes going wide. Rip yaksha boi.

Poor Zhongli I feel so bad for him but I am still in love with the whole idea of Xiao stealing his lil wife and keeping her for himself. After a few years, he thinks he's really gotten away with it. Morax still trusts him, so it seems, and everything is going alright... He thinks he's kind of won, in a sense, everything turned out okay. It's a bit of cognitive dissonance, but in his mind, he can both maintain his utmost loyalty to Morax while also, well, fucking and breeding his stolen wife who he keeps blissfully unaware that her husband is still alive, locked away for "her own safety," or so he tells her. Everything will be fine as long as neither party ever finds out what happened to the other. He tries not to think about what would happen then. He convinces himself Morax's -- no, *his* wife is a lot happier now than she was then. Morax is an archon, he tells himself, it'll be easy for him to find a new wife, hell, he could have a god harem or something, surely he'll forget about this one little woman right? He'll go find a new one, and Xiao can have his beloved forever all to himself.

Well, he doesn't. He's distraught. He spends every single day looking for her. He even asks his most trusted, loyal, vigilant servant to aid him in searching for her, who reports back that she's nowhere to be found, looking at the ground to avoid his gaze.

Xiao who stays super protective at first and keeps his child in the teapot at all times, acutely aware how obviously it looks like darling, knowing that it would be a disaster if found out... But his lil kid (son? I feel like he'd have a boy tbh) wants to go out and see the real world! So he finally agrees to take him out and play (making sure darling stays inside, of course, she can't leave)... But poor yaksha boi is not um... The most attentive person? He tends to be so hyper observant of everything around them, looking out to make sure no one is nearby, so much that he forgets to keep his eyes on the actual kid himself. He turns his head for one second, aaaaand the kid is gone. Leading to the aforementioned stumbling into a certain funeral consultant.

[lemuel-apologist]

per the beginning (concerning the portion demo and brother mouse had to say):

speaking as someone who has posted that way in the past (and i don't know which specific posts you're referring to, i haven't really engaged with those tags in a while because i haven't had an emotional need to), i'd say that some people have a genuine grief/hurt/need to put something out there around this time of year, whether they're engaging with conference of their own volition or not. and the endpoint of that thought on grief/hurt and putting it somewhereis that, eventually, it peters out and they're more… calm, without necessarily needing (or "needing," in some cases) to put those thoughts on blast, blindly emotional or otherwise.

and when you're in that place, it can be kind of hard to think critically about what you're seeing, thinking, and feeling. it's all a soup. that's especially true for people whose lives were so immensely controlled by the church in those more high-control wards/branches/stakes/even family units, given the amount of choice and variation within the church, and so i think the use of that tag is reasonable in some cases, if jarring.

that being said, some people never really move past that phase. i know i was in and out of it for a bit, and now im just kind of… here, on the opposite side of those who have dedicated their lives to the posts i think you are talking about and not the ones im thinking of, the ones that are genuine hatred and tearing-down, which is kind of unfair to both pimo-exmos and mormons alike. i think those people kind of make it harder for everyone. because, yeah, anger is a useful emotion, but living in it for so long has to be so… tiring, right? are you not tired?

as to the meat of the post and discussion: i'll admit i lost the plot in actually drafting this. however, i think that also speaks to an issue i had in trying to dissect it-- in that i don't actually know what your point (you being qui-gon-james) in your initial response is. this is not due to an error on my part. i turned it over for hours, rock in a tumbler, and came up with incoherence and word salad-- tone policing for tone policing, i think, is at the heart of it, smeared with a veneer of something else. that being said, what i actually drafted in the heat of the moment is the following.

"Thinking that believing someone who identifies exMo and thus “ex cult” is equivalent to blind hatred is… disappointing."

that's not what demo said. don't put words in their mouth. what they said was that people cross-posting conference tags and ex-cult tags are using bad faith interpretations. i think the implication here isn't that being exmormon or even ex-cult is blind hatred in and of itself; i think it was more about the content of certain posts they were seeing in that cross-posted section. "Their descriptors of the church are a closer approximation to objective language than your own."

that's also not necessarily true? when you're leaving the church-- either in the process of leaving it or you've fully left-- there is an emotional weight there. there's a bias. there's a bias that comes from being in the church, of course, but there is undeniably a bias that comes from exiting. you do not suddenly see everything clearly because you've stepped out of the sisal walls you grew up in. i hate to break it to you, but exmormons are just as prone to misinterpretation of church doctrine, church practice, and member behavior as mormons are of the same and the inverse.

"And yet you choose to call them essentially insane (ie living in a different reality)." again, you're putting words in their mouth. i don't think it's that demo was saying they're insane. i think they were pointing to a cognitive dissonance. (something something demo regularly interacts with an Insane Bitch, yours truly, so i think they know better than that? not to idpol or anything, but i think they know better than that.) "It’s pretty demonic and evil though I’m sure you think you’re Christlike. It’s Pharisaical behavior and distinctly against the teachings of Christ." this is… kind of nothing? it's nothing in that it doesn't make the point you want it to make. it's not demonic to point to a cognitive dissonance or to, as you posit, call someone insane. additionally, neither of those actions are evil. i also think it's a little wild to paint demo pharaisaical when they were never stressing the utmost sanctity of mormon doctrine or actively trying to re-convert people to mormonism (conversion hasn't been their goal here, and wasn't the goal of the post; and, sure, you can go "oh, tone policing, tone policing," but that's not what you're saying. you're saying something else entirely); frankly, i think you're throwing spaghetti at the wall and leaving it uncooked for maximum impact, but the rest of us know it's uncooked, man. nothing they said is against christ's word; what you said they said is against christ's word in your interpretation of it, but isn't truly? the only thing that is and possibly could be is the classic "all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them," which would be a bit of a stretch. again-- spaghetti, wall, the water isn't even boiling.

"But closer to the teachings of a man whose same letters used as the basis of “the LDS church is about joy” (ie the Happiness Letter) was a grooming action taken to convince a 19 year old girl in his charge to become another wife." these two thoughts don't connect-- and why would you go for the 19-year-old for the grooming allegations? not to "it was normal for the times," but it was the first half of the 1800s and she was 19; unless there's a specific citation that you, mr. researcher, need to share with the class pertaining to why this is more heinous than the other allegation we're all thinking of, why this one specifically? as a grooming allegation? i just find this one baffling. i'll admit that the happiness letter, from what i've read, is a little jarring and egregious, but i also don't know the historical context-- and i'd be willing to bet that most of the people involved in these conversations, broadly, don't know it, either. that being said, these two thoughts don't connect in way you want them to, and further don't connect to the broader point you're trying to make. the signoff is a fallacy in and of itself-- an appeal to authority, to academic authority. having been a researcher doesn't mean that you're automatically right in this context. in fact, your argument kind of suffers for it; it should be constructed better, if you have all this knowledge, should it not?

As to your second response: that's not what gaslighting is. That's a blatant misuse of that term.

You're allowed to be upset with the way that certain things are worded and the way things come off, of course; and, certainly, not every critique of the church has to be loaded with nuance and devoid of bias; but your argument isn't great and loaded with fallacy and misinterpretation. Demo plum didn't say half the things you said they did and you're misinterpreting the other half, frontloading most of it with your own biases. That's a very human thing to do; and we can't eliminate humanity from any element of our argumentation, and we shouldn't; but misusing terms and misinterpreting someone else's argument doesn't make your argument better than theirs, and that's the issue, here.

Sometimes I think people watching conference who tag things as "ex cult" are living in a different reality than me, where everything that is said has the most bad faith interpretation possible. Not saying you shouldn't be critical, I am, but like. Come on. Blind hatred is not the antidote to blind belief. Its actually the same thing, just flipped.