#but yeah these jokes are Technically Funny.

[ninjastormhawkkat]

Matthew chuckled. “I know. I can always count on my handsome knight in shining armor.” Carl huffed as his cheeks blushed red. “Be careful.” Carl once again pleaded. Matthew nodded and kissed Carl on the lips. He then headed out the door, ready to face his past once again. Carl sat on the couch watching his granddaughter and her animal friends, but his mind was somewhere else. He couldn’t help but fantasize about different types of tortures he could put Evangeline through if she did anything horrible to his husband. Normally, such thoughts would have horrified Carl because of what he experienced, but for some reason, they didn’t. The man let out a small chuckle to himself. Becky and Bob glanced at Carl briefly before turning back to the television set. ‘He probably remembered a funny joke.’ Becky surmised. The other heroes finally noticed the situation with the chaotic four. “Um, is that a zombie dog?” Electric Blur asked with a nervous expression. Atomic Steele raised an eyebrow but made no verbal comments. He was definitely surprised like his friend at the scene. Tristan didn’t have much of a reaction as he was used to seeing strange things by now. Patricia let out an annoyed huff. She hated how the media ruined the imagery of the supernatural. Before she could correct the heroine, Evangeline interrupted the woman. “That’s a Church Grim, right?” Evangeline remarked. Patricia and the others looked at the woman with surprise. “Um, yeah. How did you know?” Patricia inquired. Evangeline blushed. “I…have a fascination with the supernatural. I wasn’t able to pursue much of it when I became a hero, but I still know about certain stuff. I can help get you your leg back if you want.” Evangeline offered. Gene and the four looked at each other. Gene wasn’t sure about letting this lady near his friends, but he really didn’t know what to do right now. “Well, Patricia. It’s your leg. What do you want to do?” Gene asked his friend. Patricia pondered the question before giving a shrug. “Yeah, I can let her help. I’m technically undead so if I lose a body part it won’t be so bad.” The woman replied in a casual tone. Evangeline looked surprised at the comment but shrugged it off. She figured it wasn’t her place to ask. The heroine looked around and spotted some fresh, Earthen dirt inside near an opening in the warehouse. Evangeline walked towards the dirt and scooped up some in her hand. Everyone watched with a cautious expression as Evangeline took the dirt and poured in on the back of the Church Grim. She then began to rub the back of the undead dog. After some time, the Church Grim looked content and happy as he began to let out a purring sound. The Church Grim then released Patricia’s leg which Jenkins caught. Everyone looked at the woman amazed. “That’s incredible! How did you know that would work?” Patricia inquired with a gleam in her eyes. Evangeline smiled. “Pure earth dirt can relax Church Grims, almost like catnip. Since they came from holy grounds, only natural dirt can make them relax and calm.” Patricia looked amazed as she put her leg back on. “Huh. I never thought about that. Something to note for later if I do run into another Church Grim or if this little guy tries to steal another body part of mine to take back to my grave. Which I don’t have one by the way.” Patricia remarked. “So…are you a living corpse?” Evangeline hesitantly asked. Patricia nodded. “Yeah, technically I’m undead, which is why this little guy was trying to steal my leg.” Evangeline just nodded, accepting the answer.  

"Hold on a minute, some weird guy is staring at me. Probably some bum trying to get change off of me." Comments like that had ensured he would absolutely be relieved of guilt for what was to happen next. A smile spreads across the figure's facial features, revealing inhumanly sharp teeth glinting in the street lights. A hand quickly shot out, taking a hold of the rather obnoxious man. "What the hell are you doing-" A scream soon pierced the quietness of the night. It quickly became a horrendous gurgling noise. The cellphone in the man's hand had fallen in the process. Leaving the person on the other end to become worried and confused about what was happening to the man. It didn't take very long for the man to become completely still. The figure allows him to finally fall to the cement below, licking at his blood stained lips in satisfaction. "The night, it is still so young. I don't think I shall waste another minute on you." Like a ghost in the night, he had vanished. As if he were never there. Leaving only the grotesque mess he had made for others to find. Unknown to him, there was a witness to this who had seen the whole thing. Watching in complete and utter fear. The figure grinned, it was as if he were seeing the world through different eyes. The opportunities that awaited him. It sent a shiver of excitement up his spine. His thirst might have satiated but he wasn't satisfied with only that. Oh no. There was so much more he had in mind for this city. Just wait till morning until they discover his little surprise for all to see. It wasn't until hours later did he finally return to the house. Feeling pleased with himself. Carl shot up in bed, heart racing so fast within his chest. Calming down once realizing he was in bed with Matthew. It took the retired scientist to recognize his surroundings. "That's right.. we're at Gene's place." The dream he had woken up from was already fading from his memory. It was rather absurd, recalling what he could. He could've sworn the dream was incredibly vivid and felt so real. But the little bits of the dream that he did remember became fuzzy and distant in his mind. Carl wasn't as quiet as he thought. Matthew had woken up. "Love, are you okay?" His voice had brought Carl from his thoughts. "Matthew, dearest. I hadn't meant to wake you up." He frowned, feeling guilty as he wanted his husband to get as much rest as needed. "It's alright, I needed to get up early anyway. Don't feel bad, my darling. I'm worried about you, though.” He gave Matthew a smile. “It was just a dream. I was just startled from a dream. I don't even remember what happened in it anymore. I'll be fine.” Matthew pulled the other into his arms, holding him in such a comforting manner. Placing a loving kiss to Carl's forehead. “Even so, I've still got you.” The former scientist blushed. Matthew still had such an effect on him even after all this time. “Thank you, my love.” They had stayed like that for a good while. It wasn't until Carl noticed the time that he forced Matthew to get out of bed and to get ready for his community service. Though there was something that had been bothering Carl since waking up. He had not remembered going back to bed after his conversation with Gene last night. No matter how much he tried to, it just kept coming up blank to him. Carl sighed, he must've been that tired that he didn't remember. He was getting up there in age. “I could stay back. Margaret won't be very happy about it but I don't want to leave you if you're not okay.” Carl smiled once more. “I'm not going to be responsible for what she'd do if you tried. You're also expecting a new face there, aren't you?” Matthew looked surprised at that. He had completely forgotten about that. And Carl did make a point. Wincing at the thought of what Margaret might do if he actually did skip out on it. Though for Carl, it would've been absolutely worth it. Whatever punishment she'd dole out, he'd endure for his dearest husband. “Go get dressed now.” Matthew chuckled at that before doing as he said. Leaving Carl to this thoughts.

Carl still felt unsettled by the dream, it was like he was walking through a mist. Yet at the same time it was like someone or something was controlling his body and actions. The dream was scary, but also ludicrous. At one point Carl thought he saw someone who looked like his old narcissus ex boyfriend who he never thought about again until now. Carl just let out a sigh and shook his head. 'It was just a nightmare.' Carl reassured himself. He remembered how reading how the mind and senses can trick the body into thinking something is real when it isn't. His strange dream was just one of those cases. Carl decided to get out of bed and go downstairs. He was going to try and help his son and other son-in-law deal with this strange and frightening case of kidnapping. Carl pushed away the issue of the nightmare and headed downstairs, ignoring the feeling of dread in the back of his mind. Carl also did not pay attention to that fact that his mouth was no longer dry and that there was no glass cup on the nightstand when he got up that morning. Atomic Steele surveyed the area with caution and an intense gaze. He was going over the area looking for something out of the ordinary. Something that had bothered his friend and teammate Electric Blur. Something in this seemingly abandoned area affected Blur's powers. "I wasn't sure what just happened. It felt like I was suddenly communicating emotionally with a strange energy wave that was being transmitted from there. I felt uneasy and scared...but also sad for some reason." That is what Blur told Atomic when she came back to their hideout looking shaken and worried. She told him she never felt anything like that before, not even from the fallen B.E.A.W labs. Atomic Steele offered to check it out for her as the young heroine wasn't keen on returning to the spot. While Electric Blur was being comforted by her other teammates, Atomic followed the directions the heroine had given him to the location where she felt the strange and unsettling energy. What Atomic Steele found when he got there was a large but abandoned warehouse surrounded by an empty field. The area was surrounded by a rusted, wired fence. The place looked like it hadn't been used for years. Still, the normally brave yet brash young hero couldn't help but feel a child go up his spine. His gut and instincts telling him there is something dangerous here, something evil. Atomic Steele walked up to the doors of the warehouse. He grabbed at a rusted handle and tried opening it. To the hero's surprise and growing caution, the door easily unlocked. Atomic Steele took a deep breath and steadied his nerves. He then proceeded inside the warehouse in a slow pace, ready to discover what laid inside. "Oh hello there Matthew. Cutting it a bit close are we." Miss Dewey lightly teased the former villain as he just came into the library to start his community service. "Sorry about that Miss Dewey. I had some problems this morning but I'm here now." Matthew replied, feeling a bit embarrassed about cutting things close. He really didn't want to leave Carl and Gene alone during the family crisis that was happening but at the same time he really didn't want to test the limits of his second chance at freedom from prison. Miss Dewey gave the man a look of sympathy and concern. "You know, if there is a serious problem going on at home, I wouldn't mind helping you fill out some forms to request a temporary leave from your community service." The librarian offered. Matthew smiled in appreciation at her kind gesture. "Thank you Miss Dewey but I'll be alright." Matthew responded. "So has the new service worker arrived yet?", the former villain asked. Miss Dewey smiled and nodded. "Yes he is here. Matthew, allow me to introduce you to Frank Leigh." Matthew glanced over to the man Miss Dewey introduced. He looked to be a few years older than Victor but still younger than Matthew and Carl. He had dark hair and light, blueish gray eyes. The man gave a friendly wave to Matthew. "Hi nice to meet you." Frank spoke in a kind tone. @dualnaturedscientist

[beatcroc]

homest[ar/uck] posting. this was meant to be supplementary to the gerome comic as him 'explaining the joke' but i uhhhhhh forgot.

i'm not much for crossovers in the the traditional sense, but it IS one of my favorite character exploration exercises to just go like 'if x media existed in this universe, who would and would not be a fan of it?'. and these ones are pretty notorious and always very fun to mess with for that and so here we are

[mamawasatesttube]

that post going around like "whats one of your favs flaws thats like actually fucked up and morally wrong that theyve done, it cant just be too nice or whatever" is so funny like. sorry i can't play my fave is. um. yeah you know superman? superman from my comic books? yeah um. well. you see.

[yuno-karei]

Woah

Art

[richardsphere]

Man, i cant believe i found something i hate more then Corporations trying to "look human" through memes and shitposts

But yeah, Religious Cultleaders trying to do it are infinitely worse. At least the corpo's are only trying to sell you a one-time purchase, rather then a lifelong subscription to "Outdated values, Patriarchy and Destined Return to the Holy Land"-weekly

at least the Corpo's are only trying to get my money.

[autumngracy]

Not me creeping up to the wordcount of the fourth longest book ever written

[i-bring-crack]

On a mission to keep crying about Bronya and Seele and how I desperately need a Hades/Persephone AU for them because yes they absolutely fill the bill.

Goddess bronya who the people depend on her for spring and stability? Goddess bronya falling in love with purple butterflies that come and go, wanting to follow them but being stuck to her place due to her duties towards her humans? Goddess Bronya taking a step of bravery and rebellion for the first time in her life when she sees a wounded butterfly unable to go back with the rest, and instead of leaving it behind, she carries it in her palms and goes inside the caves of the Underworld until she is met with a whole new world, a world that she finds strange and terrifying, as she had heard everyone else describe it with nothing but horror. Only for her to finally find where the rest of the butterflies are, and meet the goddess that lets them run wild, and by the rest of the gods she is just as terrifying as all death gods are, and yet so incredibly beautiful under the small lights of the cave and tiny space glows of the butterflies.

Goddess of the Underworld Seele, a guardian of all deceased and those who come across the river of death, she who fights endlessly to protect her own humans, meeting a goddess from the upper world, where they say the light is fresh and no human is pale and silent. Goddess of the Underworld Seele, feeling the touch of a warmth hand for the first time in her life and feeling alive. Understanding why the humans dread this place so much, and before she knows it, she can feel her hunger for this warmth grow the more time the goddess of spring sheds her light upon her.

[baby-xemnas]

in the "mangaka totally gives everyone a fair shot and playing field is totally even and no character gets underutilized" hypothetical world that power level wank operates in - if bepo-chan really is so weak and useless why does law keep him around? you are just confirming he's needed for other reasons

[bluberimufim]

Damn, I haven't written anything since last year

[marsbotz]

btw this is what i mean by the weirdddd kinda sus dru scene. the brooding. plus a funny subtitle typo

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol

[gascreates]

So, in your AtLA Dino AU, do they switch back and forth or what?

that's the idea, yep! everyone can swap back and forth between their human form and dino form at will. the few worldbuilding rules i have in my head are that transforming takes energy and practice, dino forms can't talk, dino forms can still bend, and dinos are only known in the world as humans. there aren't raw dinos running around, unfortunately. that said, im very lenient on world building details here, it's not really a cohesive narrative at the moment. im literally just making art and jokes ahdjhsjf

alsoooo im fully on board with other interpretations or people using my dino designs for their own aus!!! i'd love to see other people's takes

[butterflieswhisper]

okay so what i've gathered is beastlife season three finale + semifinale is going to be absolutely miserable for me and i should clear my schedule to deal with the emotional impact. fantastic. swagever

[arklay]

DIANA x ALBERT WESKER / template.

[fluffypotatey]

It's kind of funny to not ship a Greek relationship due to incest. You do you, but have you seen "canon"

oh buddy…..my sweet anon, you recite the deep magic to me?

[thornheartless]

Feeling very out of place with people, the world. I don't know. Like I talk too much but end up being quiet at the wrong times.