#but yeah it was a long distance charge to call my dad from my mom's house and vice versa bc they were idk less than 3 miles apart

[serpentinegraphite]

There was also "calling collect" which was where the charges went on the bill of the person receiving the call. This is how jails and prison calls to family usually worked, but you could also do private calls collect (though I'm less familiar with how? I think there was a 1-800 number for that too?)

Essentially, you would place the call, and an operator (in early phone days) or a recorded message (in later landline years) would ask for your name. Then the operator or a recorded message (with your recording of your name inserted) would be like "[your name] is attempting to call collect. Would you like to accept the call? Your phone will be charged for the duration of this call." I don't know if calling collect was always expensive or just the jail/prison calls came with an extra upcharge.

There was an ad back in the day about long distance charges and collect calls being expensive, in which a new father got around the long distance charges by recording "Bob Wehadababyit'saboy" as the name for the collect call.

Have been thinking a lot lately about how, when a new technology emerges, people who were born after the shift have trouble picturing exactly what The Before was like (example, the fanfic writer who described the looping menu on a VHS tape), and even people who were there have a tendency to look back and go "Wow, that was... wild."

Today's topic: The landline. A lot of people still have them, but as it's not the only game in town, it's an entirely different thing now.

(Credit to @punk-de-l-escalier who I was talking to about this and made some contributions)

for most of the heyday of the landline, there was no caller ID of any kind. Then it was a premium service, and unless you had a phone with Caller ID capability-- and you didn't-- you had to buy a special box for it. (It was slightly smaller than a pack of cigarettes.)

Starting in the early nineties, there WAS a way to get the last number dialed, and if desired, call it back. It cost 50 cents. I shit you not, the way you did it was dialing "*69". There's no way that was an accident.

If you moved, unless it was in the same city-- and in larger cities, the same PART of the city-- you had to change phone numbers.

As populations grew, it was often necessary to take a whole bunch of people and say "Guess what? You have a new area code now."

The older the house, the fewer phone jacks it had. When I was a kid, the average middle-class house had a phone jack in the kitchen, and one in the master bedroom. Putting in a new phone jack was expensive... but setting up a splitter and running a long phone cord under the carpet, through the basement or attic, or just along the wall and into the next room was actually pretty cheap.

Even so, long phone cords were pretty much a thing on every phone that could be conveniently picked up and carried.

The first cordless phones were incredibly stupid. Ask the cop from my hometown who was talking to his girlfriend on a cordless phone about the illegal shit he was doing, and his wife could hear the whole thing through her radio.

For most of the heyday of the landline, there was no contact list. Every number was dialed manually. Starting in the mid-eighties, you could get a phone with speed dial buttons, but I cannot stress how much they sucked, because you had to label them with a goddamn pencil, you only had ten or twenty numbers, reprogramming them was a bitch, and every once in a while would lose all of the number in its memory.

All of the phone numbers in your city or metro area were delivered to you once a year in The Phone Book, which was divided between the White Pages (Alphabetic), the Yellow Pages (Businesses, by type, then alphabetic), and the Blue Pages (any government offices in your calling area (which we will get to in a moment)).

Listing in the white pages was automatic; to get an unlisted number cost extra.

Since people would grab the yellow pages, find the service they need, and start calling down the list, a lot of local business names where chosen because they started with "A", and "Aardvark" was a popular name.

Yes, a fair chunk of the numbers in it were disconnected or changed between the time it was printed and it got to your door, much less when you actually looked it up.

One phone line per family was the norm.

Lots and lots and LOTS of kids got in trouble because their parents eavesdropped on the conversation by picking up another phone connected to the same line.

A fair number of boys with similar voices to their father got in trouble because one of their friends didn't realize who they were talking to.

And of course, there were the times where you couldn't leave the house, because you were expecting an important phone call.

Or when you were in a hotel and had to pay a dollar per call. (I imagine those charges haven't gone away, but who pays them?)

Since you can't do secondary bullet points, I'll break a couple of these items out to their own lists, starting with Answering Machines.

these precursors to voicemail were a fucking nightmare.

The first generation of consumer answering machines didn't reach the market until the mid-eighties. They recorded both the outgoing message and the incoming calls onto audio cassettes.

due to linear nature of the audio cassette, the only way to save an incoming call was to physically remove the cassette and replace it with a new one.

they were prone to spectacular malfunction; if the power went out, rather than simply fail to turn back on, they would often rewind the cassette for the incoming messages to the beginning, because it no longer knew where the messages were, or how many there were.

Another way they could go wrong was to start playing the last incoming call as the outgoing message.

Most people, rather than trying to remember to turn it on each time they went out and turn it off when they got back, would just leave it on, particularly when they discovered that you could screen incoming calls with it.

Rather a lot of people got themselves in trouble because they either didn't get to the phone before the answering machine, or picked up when they heard who was calling, and forgot that the answering machine was going-- thus recording some or all of the phone call.

Eventually the implemented a feature where you could call your answering machine, enter a code, and retrieve your messages. The problem was that most people couldn't figure out how to change their default code, and those that did didn't know it reset anytime the power went out. A guy I went to college with would call his ex-girlfriend's machine-- and her current boyfriend's-- and erase all the messages. He finally got busted when she skipped class and heard the call come in.

And, of course, there's the nightmare that was long-distance.

Calls within your local calling area were free. (Well, part of the monthly charge.) This usually meant the city you lived in and its suburbs. Anything outside this calling area was an extra per-minute charge.

This charge varied by time of day and day of the week, which made things extra fun when your friend on the west coast waited until 9pm for the lower charges, but you were on the east coast and it was midnight.

Depending on your phone company, and your long distance plan, the way your long distance work varied wildly. Usually in-state was cheaper-- with zones within the state that varied by price, and out of state had its own zones.

Your long distance plan came in lots and lots of distracting packages, and was billed to your phone bill.

At one point, when I was living in North Carolina, a scammer set themselves up as a long distance company and notified the phone company that a shitload of people had switched to their service. They got caught fairly quickly, but I was annoyed because they were actually charging less than AT&T.

"Would you like to change your long distance plan" was the 80's and 90's equivalent of "We have important news about your car insurance."

Had a friend who lived at the edge of a suburb in Birmingham, and for her to call her friend two miles down the street was long-distance, because the boundary of the calling area was right between them.

[princess-of-the-corner]

ML Pokémon

Ok, thought.

Marinette still wants to be fashion designer, but most fashion in Pokémon is centred on Coordinating. However, Marinette has performance anxiety, so she performs in Contests under the Alias “Ladybug”, wearing a mask to conceal her identity. While she doesn’t really want anyone to know she’s Ladybug - it’s stress she doesn’t need right now - it’s a bit lower stakes on the identity reveal so far. (Pokémon: Ledyba, Sewaddle, Scatterbug/Spewpa)

Adrien performs in Contests under his father’s label and management, but feels very stifled, as he’s basically representing his dad’s brand, and therefore has a certain image he has to maintain. He does actually enjoy Contests though, so sometimes sneaks out to perform under the Alias “Chat Noir”, where he can do more what he wants. Is considering doing the badge challenge as Chat Noir too. (Pokémon: [Adrien Agreste] Snivy, Shiny Furfrou/ [Chat Noir] Alolan Meowth, Purrloin, Absol)

Gabriel is looking for a specific Legendary Pokémon (?Terapogos, Celebi, Xerneas, Mew, Mewtwo, Darkrai, Cresselia?) because Emilie is in an unnatural coma for currently unexplained reasons. Fu is the current Guardian of that Pokémon, or the way to that Pokémon, but is getting very old. Through either circumstance, or a comedy of errors, “Ladybug” & “Chat Noir” end up guarding the Legendary Pokémon from “Hawk Moth” & “Mayura” (Phantom!Thief Gabriel & Nathalie, basically). By Team Rocket Rules, nobody notices each other’s identities. Fu decides to charge them with being the future guardians (either they were really competent, or maybe the Legendary sends a sign, like “I want these two”).

other thoughts:

- Juleka has a Kecleon and Vaporeon. Also Low Amp Toxtricity.

- Luka NEEDS to have Meloetta. Don’t know why or how, or for how long, but he does. Also want him to have a Lapras that knows Psychic, which can use on itself to “fly” (not particularly high or anything, but it can travel short distances over land fairly quickly). Also Amped Toxtricity, and a Ralts.

- I realize Fu should probably have a Torterra, but he also needs a Drampa

- Not sure whether identity shenanigans should play a major role beyond Adrien not recognizing his dad and pseudo-mom via Team Rocket Rules. Like, do Adrien and Marinette still keep their identities secret from each other, or because this is now probably more dangerous than “I’m uncomfortable on stage”/“If my dad finds out’ he’ll be upset”, would they spill?

- Alix managed to befriend a Celebi as a child. It shows up to “play” still, which sometimes results in time travel.

- Chloé needs a Vespiquen. Also a Beedrill. Also a Teddiursa. Also a Cutiefly. Also Shiny Lucario.

- Not Sure if Max should have a Porygon or a Rotom, or both, and which should be called Markov

- Kim has mostly monkey Pokémon, but also a Golduck (apparently the best swimmers in the Pokémon world)

- Should Mylene have a Mimikyu?

- Nathaniel has a Smeargle, and a Grafaiai (graffiti monkey)

- Kagami gets a Pawniard, a Galarian Farfetch’d, maybe Gallade, then I don’t know which dragon she gets, but something pseudo, probably. Also have her meet the Swords of Justice, cause, come on

- I want to give Rose, like, a Togepi, a Roselia, then ALL Ghost-types

- Someone needs a Chansey

- no idea what Nathalie has.

-Gabe just has … all the Butterfly/Moth Pokémon. All of them. That’s it.

-

I can go back and forth on the identity stuff because honestly there’s- there’s no Magic to keep their Identities secret plus they probably have to register for contests under their Real Names

Yeah I mentioned Gabe looking for whatever could help wake Emilie

While the Order is protecting Terapagos, and maybe knows about a few other Legendaries, Fu’s kinda separate. Like he’s connected, but he plays the role of Pokemon Professor since he hands out the Miraculous and in this AU the Kwami are Starters

As for the other character’s Teams: I mentioned that I’m limiting them to 1-2 Types or a theme for the majority of their Pokemon. THey can have some exceptions, often their Starter as the Starters have to keep to their Kwami. SO

- Juleka’s team I need to hammer but I could either lean into the pirate rocker or go with ‘pokemon people don’t always like because she finds them Neat™’

- Luka having a music-based team is on the list!

- Fu has some great choices there lol

- I think similar to Canon, Hawkmoth (and later Mayura) are kept more in the shadow letting Akuma Grunts do their dirty work, so there’s less risk of anyone finding them out.

- Chloé will get a Vespiquen because it’s Iconic™ and I do think the Teddiursa line is gonna be her other ‘exception’ but the rest are all Fairy Types

- Markov is a Porygon!

- Kim’s team is absolutely Monkey. There’s a lot of monkey pokemon tbh.

- Not sure Mimikyu fits Mylene but she does have plenty of Mouse options!

- Smeargle and Grafaiai are perfect for Nathaniel

- Ya know when this au was first made I leaned more into just dragons but yeah all the swordfighter Pokemon are Kagami’s now.

- Did you know there’s six different lines of Grass/Ghost types? Because Rose knows! I think I do have to give her a Roserade though because ya know. Rose.

- Nathalie is actually kinda open because while she does use the Peacock, that’s more associated with Emilie so she’d be like. Borrowing Emilie’s Pokemon? Not unheard of but Nathalie’s own team can be different.

- There are also so many butterfly/moth pokemon lmao.

[littlespoonevan]

I've been thinking a lot about a scene Eddie calling Chris "our son" while talking with Buck or Chris calling Buck dad I want it to happen so bad Ciara! Do you think, maybe, if you're up for it, u can write something tiny??? It's okay if you can't! I love your writings so much! always feel like you get the essence of these characters!

anon, i'm so glad i saved your message until after 5x02 bc ooh boy does that ep make this even more meaningful!!! apologies for the delay but i really hope you like it! :')

-

“Our son is insisting he can’t turn the light off until he says goodnight to you again,” Eddie says, coming back into the living room. He rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop the feeling of warmth that spreads through his chest when he thinks about Christopher’s wide eyes and not-so-innocent smile as he’d asked to talk to Buck one last time.

He drops back down into his spot on the couch, reaching for his beer and raising an eyebrow when Buck stays sat there, completely frozen.

“What’s wrong?” he frowns.

Buck blinks, seeming to rouse himself out of whatever daze he’s in and gives Eddie a wary look. “You just said ‘our son’.”

A ‘yeah, so?’is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue until his brain catches up with him and all of his thoughts promptly come to a screeching halt. Holy shit. Holy shit, he just called Christopher theirs. His mouth parts but nothing comes out and he stares at Buck as if he’ll somehow be able to explain how easily the words rolled off his tongue.

Buck bites the inside of his cheek, watching him anxiously before abruptly standing up from his seat. “I’m gonna say goodnight to him,” he says tentatively, like he’s afraid Eddie might kick him out instead. “I’ll uh- I’ll be right back.”

With that, he’s gone and Eddie listens to the sound of his socked feet padding down the hall, listens to the creak of Christopher’s bedroom door as Buck opens it again, listens to the soft hum of their voices and imagines Buck tucking Christopher in, smoothing his hair back and kissing his forehead like he always does.

It’s-

It’s a lot to digest at 9 o’clock on a Friday evening.

There is one thing though, one thing that’s surprisingly absent. Panic.

His hands aren’t trembling, his chest doesn’t feel tight, he’s breathing normally. He’s overwhelmed but he doesn’t think it’s for the same reasons as before.

Buck is back before he’s had a chance to come back to himself, sitting a careful distance away from Eddie on the couch. He’s watching him with a guarded sort of concentration, as if he’s looking for the signs of a panic attack he’d picked up on so easily before.

Finally, Eddie wets his lip, takes a breath and turns to him. “Why doesn’t that scare me?”

Buck starts, clearly not expecting a question. “What?”

“I- Buck, a store clerk called Ana Chris’ mom and I had to be rushed to hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack but I just said-“ he cuts off, brow furrowing as he tries to make sense of what he wants to say.

“It was a slip of the tongue, Eds. It’s not a big deal,” Buck tells him quietly but Eddie can see it hurts him to say it. The way his expression dims slightly, the slight downturn of his mouth, the resignation in his eyes.

And that’s not right either.

“No, but-“ He shakes his head, forcing himself to meet Buck’s eyes. “I already chose you,” he says lowly. “With the will, I chose you because- because you love him like I do and you hug him the same way I do and- and you took care of him when I was in hospital and nobody questioned that. You know his routine and you help him with his homework even if he’s better at math than both of us combined and you take him to the zoo and-“

He looks at Buck, feeling realisation crash over him in waves as Buck’s throat bobs and he seems to swallow down whatever emotion he’s trying not show on his face.

“I already chose you,” Eddie repeats – half a question, half a realisation because- “It wasn’t about the act of Shannon being replaced or not being ready for a new family. It was because I didn’t want that with Ana.”

It was because I wanted it with you.

Buck inhales a sharp intake of breath and the brief jerk of his head gives Eddie a quick view of the glassiness behind his eyes. “Is this- are you-“

He can’t seem to find the end of his question but Eddie nods anyway, shuffling a few inches closer until their knees bump. “Buck, you’ve supported me from the moment you met Chris. You’ve been my partner outside of work almost as long as you have inwork. I trust you with him so much I put it in writing. I’d be kidding myself if I said we weren’t raising him together by now.”

Buck’s expression breaks out into a brilliant, disbelieving smile almost at the exact same moment his tears finally spill over and Eddie doesn’t think about it when he pulls him in. It strikes him as he does it that it’s probably presumptuous to kiss Buck. All of this – even if Buck wants to consider Christopher his kid – it doesn’t mean Buck wants him.

But then their lips are meeting and Buck’s sighing into his mouth and cupping Eddie’s jaw like he doesn’t plan on ever letting go. For all that it’s a charged kiss, it’s a chaste one too. It’s a delicate press of lips that acts as a punctuation mark to everything Eddie’s just confessed. Or a postscript, maybe.

After a beat Buck pulls away, just enough to meet Eddie’s gaze and smooth his thumb across his cheekbone. “I didn’t just choose Chris. I didn’t just do all this for him. I chose you too. I always have.”

Something syrupy and soft dissolves inside of Eddie then and with it he melts against Buck, brushing their foreheads together.

Turns out following his heart and Christopher’s is easy when they both want the same thing.

[literaila]

this vast empty space

spencer reid x reader

request: I’ve had this idea floating in my head after watching some One Tree Hill and Criminal Minds one day👀 what if the reader and Spencer have a child together but things are getting a little rocky with reader and Spence and they’re arguing so Spencer spends a lot of time at JJ’s with his child and JJ’s kids and one day the reader doesn’t let her child do something so they get mad and say they wish JJ was their mom🥺 but somehow a fluffy ending? Idk🗿 

warnings: angsty. panic attacks. me. its super duper long...um...depression symptoms...fighting....thats all.............enjoy!

“You’re taking her over to JJ’s?” 

There was this distance. 

There was an impenetrable wall. It was standing between the two of them, blocking their eyes, blocking their bodies from ever touching, from ever looking at one another. 

There was this wall. 

It was stuck between them, stuck standing there keeping them from each other, stuck living next to them, living with them, breathing in their space. 

This distance, this wall, this irritable thing standing between the two of them forcing them apart, forcing an uncomfortable feeling over their house, over their relationship, over their family. 

It was unavoidable. 

It was impossible to remove. 

“Yeah,” Spencer said, not making eye contact, not even saying the words in her direction, just tying their daughter's shoes, too focused on her to even spare a glance at Y/N. “I thought a playdate with Henry would be fun.” 

She watched small hands wrap around his neck, watched him gently pick up their daughter, still avoiding looking at her. She watched her daughter whisper in his ear, watched him smile at her. She watched her daughter's eyes light up at him. 

She watched and she felt like she was far far away from them. 

“When will you guys be back?” Y/N asked quietly, standing, vulnerable, in their doorway, standing just watching the two people she loved the most get ready to leave, getting ready to leave without her. 

Playing with her sweater, moving it over her hands as to hide herself, as to feel smaller, she stared at the floor waiting for them to walk out. 

There was this feeling, a feeling that rested around her body like a blanket, a feeling that made her feel like she wasn't supposed to be there, made her feel like she was just a spare piece, that they didn't need her. 

She didn't want them to walk out the door. 

“We’ll probably stay the night,” Spencer said, still not looking at her, he hadn't been looking at her recently, his voice was a void of numbness, his tone nonchalant, never caring. “I don't want her to stay up too late.” 

Y/N looked up and stared at his back, she stared at her daughter who was smiling at him, she felt a small grin on her face. She felt her mood lift just a little bit, felt the blanket fall just a couple of inches off her shoulder. She was lucky that her daughter couldn't feel the space between them, she was lucky her daughter hadn't caught on yet. 

She was lucky she had a happy little girl. 

Y/N made a small grunt of acknowledgement, made a quiet noise that she hoped wasn't showing her displeasure in the situation, she kept her mouth shut so they wouldn't yell at each other again. She sighed gently, already exhausted, and walked over to the pair. She walked over and got closer to Spencer than she had been in days, she could feel his body heat reflecting off of hers. 

She felt so uncomfortable. She felt so out of place in her own home.

She smiled at her daughter, smiled at the crinkles around her eyes, and the dream-like gaze she had in her eyes, and ran a gentle hand over her face, moving the curly brown hair out of Fayre’s eyes. She poked her cheek, searching for the dimples she knew would show up. 

“I’ll miss you, Fay. Be back tomorrow?” She asked, repeating the words her daughter had said to her multiple times, repeating the words that always seemed to comfort Fayre. Y/N hoped they would comfort her. 

“Be back tomorrow, Momma.” 

Y/n gave her another smile, hoping the sadness she felt wasn't showing in her eyes. She kissed Fayre’s head gently.

“Okay.” She said moving away from the two of them, trying to not let her chest fall at the thought of them leaving for the night. She looked over at Spencer, who was staring at the floor still avoiding her eyes, and she felt her smile fade from her face. “Bye Spence. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

Spencer nodded. He walked over to the door and grabbed his bag. With Fayre on his shoulder he opened the door, Y/N watched Fayre wave happily at her, calling “Bye Momma!” as Spencer walked away. 

She watched Spencer not even glance back at her.

Y/N watched them leave. 

***

Weeks was a brief way to put it. 

The distance between Y/N and Spencer. 

Y/N wasn't sure when she had decided to start picking fights, to start bickering with him every moment they were together, to bicker with him until they were openly fighting with each other. 

She wasn't sure when that had started. 

She can remember the fight that it had all begun with. 

She can remember telling Spencer she was thinking about resigning from the BAU.

She can remember how surprised she was when he got mad. 

She couldn't remember anything after that. 

But there was a tension, a distinct tension between the two, that had put them both into defensive mode. The tension had made them disagree with anything the other said, and the few times they had been able to talk out their problems, those couple of times, the tension was always there the next day. 

The tension eventually turned into distance. 

And then Spencer was leaving the house for longer, he was spending more time in his office, he was sleeping at JJ’s.

He had started sleeping at JJ’s. He couldn't stand to stay with her, to sleep in the same room with her, so he went to his best friend. So he left.

Y/N usually stayed home with Fayre, usually spent their time off taking care of her daughter. 

It seemed like they couldn't even be in the same room for ten minutes without fighting. They couldn't even have a conversation about the doctor's appointment Fayre had next week without arguing about something completely useless. 

Y/N hated it.

She hated it so much. She hated that she never got the opportunity to talk to her husband. She hated that they hadn't spent time as a family, all together, in the past couple of months the fighting had been going on. She hated that when they were working when they were helping each other on a cause, she hated the distance that rested between them. 

She hated not talking to him.

She hated not seeing him smile. 

She missed cuddling with him. 

She missed absolutely everything about him. 

But she didn't know what to do. 

Should she talk to him? Apologize? Explain to him how she felt? Would that do any good, or would it just cause another fight between the two of them, another layer in the wall they were constructing? 

She didn't know what to do. 

She wasn't sure if there was anything left for the two of them. Wasn't sure if there was anything she could say without it ending in a fight. 

Spencer was sleeping at JJ’s.

So she spent time with her daughter. She basked in the love that her daughter offered her free of charge. She spent her days coloring with her, making cupcakes, and taking her to the park. She spent her days playing with old toys, watching Disney movies, and talking to Fayre about anything that was going on in her 3-year-old mind. She loved every second she got to spend happily with her little girl. 

But when Spencer wanted to see her, when Spencer wanted to be the good Dad that he always had been, when Spencer wanted to spend him with their daughter and still had to actively avoid Y/N while doing it… Those days Y/N spent alone. 

She spent those days alone cleaning their house, cleaning her daughter's room and Spencer’s office, doing laundry, and reorganizing anything she could, she spent those days going to buy more groceries and catching up on things that she had meant to do months ago. She spent those days in her house, surrounded by things that just reminded her of how much she loved her family, surrounded by things that just filled her with doubt and hopelessness. 

She spent those days alone. 

She pretended that everything was the same as it was months ago, that she and Spencer still felt desperately in love every waking moment, that their small family was as content as could be, she pretended that she didn't feel the numbness in her chest when she wasn't doing something, she pretended that it was all the same. 

And she was happy. 

She pretended for her daughter, she didn't want her daughter to grow up in a home where everyone was sad, she didn't want her daughter to learn that being happy isn't normal for most people. She pretended for Spencer too, because she knew, she had always known, that even when they were fighting, even with the distance between them keeping them so so far away, she knew that if she said a word, if she voiced her doubts, Spencer would be there in a flash. 

He would hold her and reassure her that everything was okay, he would tell her that he loved her. 

And she wasn't so sure that was true. 

She wasn't sure if Spencer still felt tied to her. If he still felt his heartburn with the adoration he had for her. She wasn't even sure if Spencer still wanted to try and change. 

But he was a good person, and he was an amazing husband, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for his family. Including lie. 

So she didn't say a word. 

She just pretended. Just pretended everything was fine. 

Everything was just fine. 

***

It had been days. 

Days since she’d seen Spencer, days since they’d both been in the same room, days since she had yelled at him, had yelled harsher and angrier than she ever thought she could be. Days since she’d talked to him. 

JJ was their saving grace. 

JJ texted Y/N, and came to pick up Fayre so Spencer could see her, JJ spent time with her husband and her daughter, JJ spent every day with Spencer and didn't tell Y/N anything about him, only gave her a small pitiful smile every time she saw her, JJ who had Spencer sleeping over at her house. 

Y/N didn't know how to feel. 

Sometimes she worried she didn't feel anything. 

She could only hear the yelling in her head, could only remember how sore her throat had been the next day, could only remember the fury in Spencer's eyes, could only remember the way he slammed the door, could only remember the words she’d said to him. 

“She’s my daughter!” 

Spencer sighed and moved past her to their dresser, he was packing more clothes, more clothes so he could leave again, so he could leave and go back to JJ’s. He still wouldn't look at her. 

“Spencer. She's my daughter and I don't want her gone every other night!” 

Y/N wasn't sure when she had started yelling, wasn't sure when she had gotten so angry. She only knew that there was a knife digging into her chest, a knife that was digging under her skin, a knife that was begging her to fight back, a knife that was fueling her rage, she was angry, she was so so angry. 

And Spencer didn't seem to care. He didn't seem to say anything to her, he only let her yell at him while he walked around the room getting all the things he thought he would need. He wouldn't look at her, and he wouldn't pay her words any mind, and it was infuriating. 

The knife only dug deeper with every ignored statement Y/N made. 

“Spencer, are you even going to look at me? Do you even care?”

And with that Spencer turned around, he turned around quickly, his entire body tense and stiff. 

Y/N felt her breath catch at the look on his face. 

He was angry. She could see that clearly in his eyes, his face looked about to break, looked ready to throw everything he had at her, the anger that looked infused into his eyes scared her, the tension in his jaw made her back away from him. 

She’d never seen him angry like that. 

“Of course I care Y/N! I can't look at you because I can't bear to see the person that thought we weren't good enough- you thought I wasn't good enough! I don't want to look at you!” 

The knife retracted at his words, pulled out of her, scared by the reaction, a reaction she had never expected. The knife- the anger -wasn't prepared for him to be mad at her, it wasn't prepared for him to get angry, to actually react to the words she’d been saying. 

Y/N was counting on the fact that he had been ignoring her. 

She took a minute to think, to take in his words, to think about everything he had said, everything that he hadn't said in the weeks they’d been distant, the knife retracted, and she thought. 

She thought she thought

And then the knife plunged back into her. 

Deeper. 

“She's my fucking daughter Spencer! I’m sorry that I’m her mom and you don't want to deal with me but nothing can change that now! You should at least have the decency to talk to me about her!” She spat the words at him, flung them like weapons, like acid that was going to burn his skin, to burn him to nothing. 

She didn't care, she didn't care about his reaction, she didn't care if he was mad at her, she didn't care what he thought, she didn't care that they were fighting, all she cared about was making him see, making him feel the way she’d felt for months. 

Like everything was her fault. 

“You can leave me all you want Spencer!” she screamed at him, her face red, her hands shaking, her entire body rocking with the force of her emotions, the knife digging, she screamed at him angrily, desperately “You can leave if you don't want to be here! But Fayre will not leave, this is her home. She wants to be here!” 

And Spencer stared at her shocked, stared at her as he had never seen her before, had never ever met her, he just looked at her like she was someone he couldn't recognize. 

Y/N didn't know what he was thinking, didn't know if his shocked face was because of her words, or because of the yelling she had always tried to keep in. She stared at him, she stared at him and suddenly felt like she was crazy like she shouldn't have even been there, she stared at him and she could feel herself shrink in size. She could feel the knife disappear, and be replaced with an empty hole that filled her. 

Spencer suddenly walked out of the room. 

Y/N took a moment, took a moment to process what had happened, took a moment to recognize the hole that was now in her body, she moved her hands to her chest as to feel for it, as to make sure it wasn't actually there. 

She couldn't feel anything. 

After that moment she stormed for the door, stormed to go find Spencer, stormed because she wasn't ready for him to give up, to just leave once again. 

She stormed out of their room and she was met with a door about to close, a tiny hand she could see through the crack. 

She stared as the door slammed, more harsh and more final than any words she had screamed. 

She stared and watched her daughter leave with her husband. 

She felt her heart rush, and her head filled with air and, 

There was a hole in her chest and she was trying to grab it, trying to find it trying to trying to, 

There was nothing there but the empty house she was stuck in. 

JJ had brought her back the next day. Had given her that sad smile, and then left. 

Y/N wondered why her husband wasn't back. 

She wondered why he wasn't coming back. 

She wondered if he would ever come back. 

So did Fayre. Every day it was the same question “Where's Daddy?” which was answered with a blank “I don't know little love. I’m sure he’ll be home soon.” and then “Be back tomorrow Momma?” which was asked after a couple of days. And the same answer was always “I don't know Fayre.”

Because Y/N had no clue. She had no idea what her husband was doing, no idea when he was coming back, no idea when he wanted to see their daughter, no idea what to do. 

She caught glances of him at work. The team had been under strict orders for only in state cases, enforced by Strauss, and so there was nowhere else she could see him. But there were moments. There were moments when he was there, but Hotch had told her he had requested to finish his work at him, had requested to stay out of the office for a while, and Hotch had agreed. He’d even looked shocked when Y/N asked if he knew where Spencer was. 

Because she was supposed to know. 

But she didn't. 

There were moments where she saw him come into the office, small moments where she only got glimpses of his hair, of one of his vests. Little moments that reassured her that he was still there, that he hadn't left completely.

She prepared herself for the news that he had resigned, news that there was somewhere else Spencer was going, prepared herself so much. She had told him to go, told him to leave her, why wouldn't he? 

She prepared herself for the inevitable news she had set herself up for. 

But it hasn't come yet. 

Instead, she had gotten news of a party, one that Rossi was throwing, a celebration for whatever reason he had proclaimed. She’d gotten the news, and she’d been told that she had to go, that there was no backing out. 

And she’d agreed. 

Besides, it would be good for her to get out of the house, to go somewhere with her friends where she wasn't constantly looking up from her desk for something. 

She’d been told to take Fayre, told that Jack and Henry and Micheal would all be there, that her little girl should go have fun with them. 

She’d agreed.

But she knew that taking Fayre would mean passing her off, would mean giving her to Spencer so that they could spend more time together. 

She’d been in a mood all morning because of it. 

It had started with breakfast, which she had burned while helping Fayre get dressed, and then it was the loud TV playing while she wasn't trying to finish up some paperwork, and then it was the headache that was burning her eyes, and then it was packing up Fayre’s things. 

She felt so overwhelmed, felt so nervous to see Spencer for the first time, felt so sad that she was going to have to go home without her daughter. 

She felt like she was doing everything wrong, felt like she couldn't even keep her family together, couldn't even keep her daughter happy for one day without Spencer. 

She felt like she shouldn’t have to do any of it without Spencer, felt so angry that he was forcing her to pass their daughter off like she was a present. 

She felt so so overwhelmed. 

But she had to keep a smile on her face, she had to let her husband be a good Dad, she had to let her daughter spend time with her favorite person in the world, and she had to be happy while she did it. Her daughter deserved a happy Mother. She deserved everything. 

She didn't deserve what was happening to her parents. 

When it was finally time to leave Y/N could feel the nerves bunch up from her feet to the tip of her head, she felt them collect together like a bunch of bugs crawling up her skin, and she felt like she was going to puke. 

She could see Spencer. She could. It was the first time in days, the first time she would ever have to directly talk to him. But she could do it. She could she could. 

She wasn't sure. 

She helped Fayre pack the last of her clothes, grabbed the couple of things she hadn't put in her bag earlier when she heard crying come from the other room. 

Immediately she prepared herself for the worst, she felt desperate to get it to stop. 

She walked into their living room and saw her daughter sitting on the floor trying to put her shoes on. Tears were running down Fayre’s face as she messed with the laces, as she tried to remember what her Dad had done for her so many times. She looked up at her Mom and whined. 

Y/N went over to her, sad to see her crying on the floor, sad to see her crying over something that she could’ve just asked for help for. 

“Daddy always do it. I don't how to.” Fayre said angry, her words coming out rushed, skipping over the words she had not yet learned how to say. She was pulling at the strings harder, and Y/N tried to move her hands away from the laces so she couldn't hurt herself. 

That was when she started yelling. 

“No! No!” she said as she hit Y/N’s hands away, as she pushed her away. 

“Fayre. It's okay, just help me, help sweetheart.” 

“No! Daddy always do it! Daddy do it! Not Momma!” she was opening yelling, the tears streaming down her red face as she threw her hands up, not sure how to express her emotions. 

“Let Momma do it once, it's okay sweetie we can do it.” 

Y/N could feel herself getting more frustrated, could feel the nerves still collecting in her body, she didn't know what to do, and she didn't feel like she could deal with a breakdown from her daughter right now. 

Not when she was inches away from having one herself. 

She tried to take a deep breath, tried to calm herself down, and remind herself that Fayre was only three, that she was confused, and she missed her dad, and that she needed to be calm with her. 

“Fayre, I’m sorry sweetie, Daddy’s not here. Let me help and we can go see him.” Y/N said calmly, kneeling in front of her daughter who was looking at her angrily. 

“No! Daddy! Not you! Don't want you!” Fayre said as she got up, her shoes still untied, as she tried to run for the door. 

Y/N could feel her anger go up. 

“Fayre Diana. Don't run away.” Y/N said sternly.

Her daughter was crying and screaming, and banging on the door desperately like she was trying to get out, she was yelling so loud, and Y/N’s head was pounding. And her daughter was upset, and she was upset and she didn't know what to do. 

What should she do what should she do? 

She felt the anger rush up into her head, flashing her eyes red, she felt herself hit her breaking point, felt everything coming to her at once, felt so done, so tired and she just wanted it to stop. 

“Fayre! Daddy isn't here! I need you to listen to me!” she yelled, moving over to her daughter who was too small to resist Y/N picking her up. Fayre kicked and tried to push her away as Y/N walked over to their couch. 

“We won't go if you don't let me help you.” She said, no longer yelling, but her voice with much more power. 

And Fayre stared at her, her eyes wide and almost sad, she stared at her and she started to cry even more. 

Y/N watched as her daughter's eyes welled up in tears, as her daughter was hyperventilating, so sad, and so little, she felt herself breaking at the sight. 

And she tried to grab her arm, trying to do anything to calm her down. 

“No! I don't want you!” Fayre screamed pushing Y/N away, pushing her away and looking at her angrily. “I want JJ! You not nice! JJ!” 

And everything stopped. 

Everything just stopped. 

Y/N could feel everything drain from her body, all her emotions all her thought all her organs, she felt it all fall away from her, felt her heart crack into so many pieces it was practically dust because 

She wasn't good enough

She wasn't enough

She wasn't 

She wasn't

I want JJ!

I want JJ!

I want 

I want

JJ

Her daughter didn't want her, and her husband didn't want her, and she didn't want her, and there was nothing there was nothing

There was so much

She felt everything collapse from within and she couldn't find the words, didn't know how to breathe, didn't know how to remove the air that was filling her body, didn't know how to breathe 

How do you breathe how do you-

She wasn't good enough. 

She wasn't good. 

She wasn't. 

She. she she. 

There was nothing left of her. 

Nothing but the ashes that were barely enough to fill her feet, let alone the hole that was left within her body, the hole that had been building up for weeks. 

There was nothing. 

Everything stopped. 

Everything just stopped. 

And she stared at her daughter, her daughter who wasn't saying anything, barely even looked like she was breathing, and she stared at her and. 

Everything started again. 

Fayre was looking at her, tears running down her cheeks, and Y/N watched as she came over and hugged her legs, she watched as Fayre listed out apologizes, watched as she looked up at her, sad by the tears running down her Moms cheeks. 

She didn't know what to do. 

She didn't she didn't. 

She ignored it. 

She ignored it. 

Nothing had happened nothing was happening, she was whole she was completely there, there was nothing wrong. 

Nothing had happened. 

They were going to be late. 

***

She stood there numb. 

Numb as she watched her daughter laugh with Spencer and JJ. 

She stood there and she felt nothing at all. 

She watched her friends dance and laugh and play games, she watched the kids run around Rossi’s yard, giggly and happy as could be. 

She watched everyone else enjoy themselves, and she couldn't feel anything. 

She didn't know what she was supposed to feel. 

Was she supposed to be sad? Sad that her daughter considered JJ a better mom than she did Y/N?

Was she supposed to be angry? Angry that Fayre had adapted to JJ’s house so much that she thought she was better?

Was she supposed to be annoyed? Or heartbroken? Was she supposed to frustratingly yell at JJ, to yell at Spencer?

Was there something she was supposed to feel? Something she was supposed to do. 

She didn't know.

All she knew was the numbness she’d been submerged in, the numbness that had taken over her body when it had fallen to pieces, fallen apart on her living room floor, the numbness that put clouds in her brain, clouds that forced her to think but not to feel.

Was there something she was supposed to be feeling?

She didn't feel anything. 

She just watched, she watched Hotch laugh with the boys, and Derek talk with Emily and Penelope pull funny faces to make Fayre laugh. She watched as JJ stood with her arms wrapped around Will, watched as Rossi grilled something and yelled out things. 

She watched all of them feel. 

She didn't dare look at Spencer. 

When she had arrived with Fayre, immediately she’d let her run to her Father, let her go hug him desperately, and had not let herself spare a glance at him. She didn't want to see him and she didn't want to think about how he had left, about how he had taken her advice, about how their daughter would be so much better off with a mom who knew what she was doing. 

She didn't want to think about all the ways she had disappointed her family. 

She didn't want to think at all. 

So she didn't look at him, didn't watch him the way she always did, didn't say a single word to him. She wouldn't allow herself that. 

She was looking down at the pavement when Derek came over to her. 

“Hey Pretty Girl,” he said, as he stood next to her, holding out a drink for her, which she took nonchalant as she looked back at the ground. 

“Hey,” she said quietly, her voice void of emotion, her body void of everything. 

“Hey, what's wrong?” he asked, moving his head down so he could get a look at her face. 

She looked up at his words, her neck snapping at the question. 

“Nothing,” she said, looking in his eyes, which were glazed with concern.

“What's going on Pretty girl? You’ve been standing here alone all night?” Derek said, putting a reassuring arm on her shoulder. 

She didn't feel a thing. 

“Nothings going on. I’m just tired,” she said, again, looking back at the ground. She was tired of thinking. 

‘Y/N.” Derek said, moving her chin so she was looking in his eyes again. “Seriously, what's wrong?” 

Y/N stayed silent, willed her body to feel nothing, to think nothing, because there was nothing wrong, there was nothing wrong. 

She looked back down. 

“Alright.” Derek sighed, taking the drink he had given her from her hand and setting it down on a nearby table. He grabbed her hand and led her away from the party, away from everything else. She wondered where they were going. 

When they finally stopped at a small garden farther into Rossi’s backyard Derek halted and turned to stare at her again. 

“What's going on with you and Spencer?” 

Y/N felt herself crack at that. Felt the numbness drain only a smidge, from her body, felt her staring at Derek urgently, felt her mind trying to run again. 

“Nothing. There's nothing.” She said quickly, her words jumbled, her heart racing. 

“You think I haven't noticed the way you two have been acting recently? He's been staring at you all night, and you haven't said a word to anyone. Something is going on. What is it?” 

She looked down, surprised by his words, emotion was filling her body but she was begging herself to just keep it out, to just not feel anything. 

She didn't want to feel anything. 

“Derek I-” and she broke. Her body was flooded with memories and thoughts and emotions, and she could feel the dam breaking in her eyes and she felt everything all at once and she just wanted it to stop. She didn't want to feel any of it. Why wouldn't it just stop?

Derek pulled her into his chest. He pulled her in tight and rubbed her back and she tried to calm herself down, as she tried to keep in all the emotions her body was begging her to let out. 

“Shh, Pretty Girl... It’ll be alright. Just breathe.” He said as she rested her cheek on her chest, as she felt her body start to panic, her mind started to buzz with the overwhelming feeling. 

What would she do? Her daughter didn't want her. Her daughter didn't want her. Her daughter had said she didn't want her and she didn't know what to do what would she do her daughter didn't didn't want her- 

“Fayre said she wanted JJ.” she cried out desperately, the words tumbling out of her like an avalanche, she could feel herself still panicking, she could feel the buzzing of her brain flow to the rest of her body. What would she do-

“What do you mean.” 

“Fayre,” she breathed, “she said that I- I was mean.” she gasped and more tears rolled down her cheeks like rocks falling “and that- she wanted JJ- not-” her body was buzzing in the panic that had contained her “not me,” she said and she cried. She cried against her friend as her family was only a short distance away, as her family had no idea how worthless, how broken she was. 

Derek just let her cry. He let her sob out different words, he looked down at her concerned, wondering when she had fallen apart. Wondered why he was the one comforting her instead of her husband, her husband who was only 100 feet away. 

The panic was still there, still shaking her heart back and forth, still buzzing loud in her brain, but she was breathing, she had gotten the words out, the terrifying words that she so desperately wanted to pretend didn't exist. 

She was starting to breathe. 

Why did she have to feel anything? 

Derek held her, held her close, held her because that was what she needed, she needed her husband but she needed something she needed someone. 

He listened as she gasped out her last sob, as her crying started to slow down. 

He moved back. He kept his hands on her shoulder as she looked up at him. 

She looked so small, her eyes bloodshot, her face pale, she looked like a little kid who had no idea what to do, she looked so small standing there with him. 

“Are you alright?” he asked as he searched her face. 

She took a shaky breath as she said “Thank you. Better now.” 

She didn't think she had the energy to say anything else. 

***

It was time to go. It was time to go back to her house, her empty house, it was time to go back to her numbness, which was empty, just like her house. 

They were quite the pair. 

It was time to say goodbye to Fayre, time to send her off with her Dad, and with JJ who didn't disappoint the two of them. 

In a way, Y/N was thankful to JJ, because she knew that JJ would take care of her family, she knew that JJ would be there for them if they needed anything. She knew that if she couldn't make them happy, at least JJ could. 

She tried to ignore the envy she felt towards JJ. She tried to ignore the anger she wanted to feel. She knew it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault that she didn't disappoint. 

It was Y/N’s.

At least she thought at least they have someone. 

She just wanted them to be happy. 

It was time to say goodbye, as everyone started heading towards their cars, tired and ready to go home, Fayre walked over to her mom, her smile shining bright as she led Spencer towards Y/N. 

They were walking over to Y/N together, Fayre pulling her dad along, pulling him over to her. He was coming over, he was coming over. Y/N didn't let her heart feel anything, she didn't let her eyes drift toward him. 

“Momma!” Fayre yelled excitedly, throwing herself into Y/N’s arms. 

“Hi, baby.” Y/N said quietly, looking at her beautiful daughter, staring at the one relief she had from it all. “Did you have fun?” She said softly. 

“Yeah, Momma! We did games, and Daddy did trick!” She was much too loud and excited for the late hour, but Y/N was happy to see her so full of energy, so alive. 

“Did he?” 

“Yeah! And he said do more!” she was smiling over at her dad, but Y/N didn't take her eyes off of Fayre. 

“More later?” she said quietly, her mood only slightly deflated at the thought of them leaving. 

“Yeah!” Y/N kept a smile on her face, kept her smile, but couldn't change the disappointment stuck in her eyes, she smiled at Fayre and kissed her on the cheek. 

“You go with Daddy alright? Be back tomorrow?” Y/N said, laughing a little at the words. She had given up, given up on trying to stop the tears stinging at her eyes. She was smiling at her daughter, but she felt like sobbing against her. 

Just another way to disappoint the two of them. 

“Why sad Momma?” Fayre asked, her little hand rubbing Y/N’s cheek as she wiped away the one tear she had let go. Y/N wished she wasn't as smart as she was. 

“I’m not sad little love,” She said, feeling her voice crack at the lie, at the words she’d been trying to believe were true. She sighed softly and smiled sadly at her daughter. “Just tired.” 

Fayre was still looking at her with a furrow in her brows, still staring at her confused. “Don't sad Momma.” 

Y/N laughed bitterly at the words, committing them to memory for later. 

“Alright, Fay. I won't. Be back tomorrow?” she asked once again. 

Fayre wrapped her little arms around Y/N’s neck, squeezing tight like she was trying to make everything better. “Be back tomorrow Momma.” She said as Y/N put her down and pushed her gently towards Spencer. 

Spencer, who'd she’d almost forgotten, was there. She gave herself one opportunity, one look, one look to just see him. And she looked in his eyes, she looked at his face that looked so sad, his eyes that were staring right at hers concerned. She looked at his face that looked almost regretful. 

She looked away. 

She felt her heart beat faster, reminding her of the love she was trying to keep away from him. 

She waved at Fayre one more time, blew her a kiss. 

This time she walked away first. 

She couldn't bear to see them leave again. 

***

She was up late at night when there was a knock. 

Quiet, quick, almost as if whoever was there knew she would still be up. 

She hadn't been sleeping well. She felt words swirling around her head, memories of the things she didn't want to think about popping up at random points. 

She couldn't stop her brain. 

She couldn't get numb again. 

But there was a knock. 

She looked at the safe in her closet, wondering if she should grab her gun, just in case. 

In the end, she’d decided against it. If it was someone bad would they have broken in?

She walked towards the door, turning on the lights, and unlocking it. 

She hadn't expected to see her husband standing on the other side. 

She hadn't expected to see Spencer looking at her. 

She hadn't expected to see relief in his eyes. 

She hadn't expected him to talk to her.

“You’re awake,” he said, almost in awe, almost like he wasn't sure, quiet. 

Y/N just stared at him. 

It was the first time she had looked him in the eyes without any hesitation for weeks. It was the first time she had looked into his eyes without nerves running up and down her spine, without feeling like she had to be ashamed for looking at him. 

She felt her heart beat faster. 

“Spence.” she breathed out. 

He gently grabbed her hand, gently moved her out of the way so he could get through the door, he gently let her hand go and moved to take off his shoes. 

He was taking off his shoes. 

Y/N just watched him, wondering if she was dreaming, if she was dreaming about him coming back home, wondering if this was all fake. 

She hoped she wouldn't wake up for a little bit longer. 

“Y/N.” Spencer said, turning back to her, “Can we talk?” 

It was the first time she had heard him speak to her in days, the first time she had heard her name slip from his lips. 

She left like she was floating.

She wondered why she couldn't feel anything but bliss. 

She wondered when the nerves would catch up. 

She only nodded at him, only gestured to the couch. There was too much going on for her brain to comprehend, she was surviving on only coffee and a couple of caffeine pills, she was up far too late and she didn't know what was going on. 

They both sat down on the couch, and Y/N’s heart got faster at the close proximity of the two. What was going on? 

“We have to talk about everything.” 

And then the nerves caught up. 

And then the nerves invaded her body, filling her to the core with irrational thoughts, with messages from her brain that only made her heart beat faster. 

Divorce. 

Custody.

Leaving. 

The nerves were too much too much, and her eyes were wide and all she could do was nod, just nod at him. Unconsciously she moved farther away from him, preparing herself for the distance he was going to ask for.

He was leaving he was leaving he was going to leave he was-

“I think that we should’ve talked a long time ago.” He said quietly looking down at the floor, staring intensely at something Y/N couldn't see. 

“Yeah.” Y/N said, her voice breaking from the pressure, her body ready to collapse. 

“I’m sorry I left,” Spencer said. 

And it stopped. 

Everything stopped.

He was sorry. He was sorry he left, he was sorry for doing the thing that Y/N had told him to do, doing the thing that she had asked of him, he was sorry he was sorry. 

“Why,” she asked. 

“Because I never should have left. And I never should have left for so long. It was childish and only 58% of long-distance relationships work, and I didn't even leave the city I was just gone and I- I’m not sure what I was thinking-”

“I told you to go.” 

“What?” Y/N was staring at him, staring intently. She missed the sound of his voice but she hated the words coming out of his mouth. This was all of her fault, she had told him to leave, she hadn't done anything about it. This was her fault and he shouldn't have been saying any of this. 

“I told you to leave. I said, “Go ahead and leave Spencer.” She paused and looked down at his feet. “You were only doing what I asked.” 

Silence consumed the room. Y/N still didn't know what else Spencer wanted to talk about, she still didn't know if this meant he wanted to try if he wanted to try and be with her, she didn't know if this meant they were going to get better. 

She couldn't help but think of the empty space that filled her body, she couldn't help but think about the hole in her body that was scarring, that was stuck there, almost numb, unbelievably painful. She couldn't help but think about the words she’d endured to get that hole. 

“I shouldn't have listened to you. You were right.” Spencer said, pulling out of her thoughts, pulling her out of the pain that threatened to take over her body once again. “You didn't deserve me leaving, and neither did Fayre. I should’ve stayed.” 

“Spencer you don't-” 

“And then today. Today I was looking at you, I was watching you. And you just-” he paused and shook his hands in front of his face as if he was trying to reach for the words “you looked so empty. You just- you weren't looking at anything and you were just staring- and I don't think I’ve ever seen you look like that and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know what was going on but you looked so empty-” 

Y/N paused. Derek had said Spencer was looking at her, he had told her that right to her face, but there was a block keeping her from thinking about it. She was trying not to think about it. But Derek had been right, and Spencer had noticed he had noticed. 

He’d noticed her. 

“Y/N.,” he said, grabbing her face as he pulled her closer to him. “I’ve never seen you look so emotionless. You looked at me after Fayre said goodbye, and it was like there was nothing. There was nothing- and- It scared me. I had no idea what to do, but I could feel that I started it, I could tell it had something to do with us and-”

“Fayre caused it.” Y/N blurted out. 

“What?” Spencer looked at her shocked, his face unmoving. 

“She,” Y/N took a deep breath, not wanting to relive the memory, but wanting to keep the closeness of Spencer so bad she wouldn't stop. “She was having trouble with her shoes, and she was asking for you, and I got mad- god.” Y/N shook her head angrily, mad at her past self for getting mad at Fayre. “I never should’ve gotten mad. I was mad and she was upset and she said-” 

Something was choking her from the inside. Maybe it was the anxiety holding her throat down, maybe it was the nerves that seemed to be everywhere, maybe it was the desperation to forget everything, to pretend to be okay, maybe it was the exhaustion that rested on her eyes weighing them down, maybe it was the buzzing in her heart. 

It didn't matter what it was, it was choking her, stopping the words from escaping her mouth, stopping the words from reaching the air, stopping her from telling Spencer. 

But she fought, she fought against her instinct, fought against all her self defense mechanisms, and something finally let go. 

“She said, I was mean, and that she wanted JJ.” and she gasped. 

The words were out, out into the world, out where her husband- who she hadn't been speaking to, who she hadn't gotten any affection from in months -could finally hear them.

It felt like a shock to say them. 

It felt like a shock to have to say them again, this time to the man she loved most. 

She felt ashamed in herself, for the decisions she had made earlier, for the disappointment she was to her family, for the void that lived in her body. 

“Y/N,” Spencer said, wiping away tears she hadn't noticed escaped her eyes. “She didn't mean that.” 

And the words might have been reassuring, they might have been helpful, might have rested her self hatred, if she wasn't familiar with the person Spencer was. 

He would like just to make her happy. 

‘I think she did,” she said more tears crawling up her throat. “I think she did. Because I understand, because I’m not an amazing mother, and I’m definitely not an amazing wife, and I’ve been unfair to her, and I wish she didn't have to deal with me all the time, I think she meant it-” 

Spencer put a hand over her mouth stopping her words. He was looking at her angry, his brows furrowed in something that looked like disgust, his mouth turned down. 

“Don't ever say that.” He said harshly. 

“What?” Y/N said as she moved back, her words muffled by his hand, surprised at his sudden change in mood. 

“I don't want to ever hear, I don't want you to ever think that you aren't a perfect Mother.” He said, looking her directly in her eyes, his voice wasn't wavering and neither was his mind. “You are an amazing Mother to Fayre. She loves you.” 

When Y/N tried to interrupt Spencer just spoke over her. 

“And you are an amazing wife. You are more than I could’ve ever asked for. So, I do not want to hear another word about you not being enough. It's a lie, and I hate it.”

He stopped and Y/N was still looking at him shocked at the sudden outburst. She had thought that was why she left. She wasn't enough, because Spencer was disappointed in her. After all, she just wasn't good enough. She thought that's why he left. 

That was why he left. 

Wasn't it? 

Tears ran down her face as she stared at him frustrated. 

“Oh, Y/N.,” he said, moving his hand from her mouth and gently wiping another tear away. “I didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to believe me, baby.” 

He was so gentle, so caring, so everything she had been missing for the months they had been constantly fighting with each other. 

She sobbed against his hand. 

“Baby,” he said desperately, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer to him. She breathed him in, shocked by the smell she loved so much, shocked that he was so close to her, shocked at how cold she had been without him. 

She had been so cold for so long. 

She sobbed even more, shaking against his chest, gasping for breath. 

She had no idea she could miss a person that was so close to her. 

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry any of this happened,” he said, rubbing her hair and pulling her close to him. Spencer felt close to tears himself, watching his wife shake in his arms, he knew that she had been deteriorating for months, for months he knew and he hadn't done a thing. He knew that she was barely there, that another week would have burned her away, he felt ashamed that he hadn't been there sooner. 

“Spence.” she cried, tugging on his shirt and nudging her head into his chest. 

He just sat there, helping her get him closer, helping her remove the last couple of centimeters between them. 

She sobbed and she sobbed into his chest, relieved that he was here, still hoping that this wasn't a dream, that this wasn't some cruel joke the world was playing on her. 

She couldn't just let this go again. 

“Y/N,” Spencer said when she had finally caught her breath when she had stopped shaking.

She looked up at him, her eyes puffy, and pleading, at that moment she looked so vulnerable it made Spencer want to protect her from everything. He didn't want to lose the only thing holding him together. “I love you. I’m so sorry that we’ve been so far apart.” 

She moved her hands from his chest, moving them to his neck and jumping into his lap, straddling him on the couch as he hugged her back just as tight. It was a breath of fresh air to be so close together, they were each other's light in a dark room. 

They had been so far apart. 

“I’m sorry too Spencer. I’m sorry.” 

Spencer just ‘shh’’d her, just held her close to him. They were both exhausted, and it was so late, it was too late. 

It was almost too much to be close to him again. 

They stayed like that, silent and together, silent and right next to each other for a while. They let each other's body heat warm them up, let their hearts get used to the close proximity again, let everything that had happened fade between them. 

It was a while later, a while later when Y/N had felt almost repaired when she could no longer feel the burning of the hole in her body, the hole that had so desperately needed to be filled, the hole that was now barely there. It was then that she finally spoke. 

“Where's Fayre?” she asked quietly against his ear, running her hands through the hair on his neck, enjoying the grip he had on her waist, and the kisses he was leaving on her neck. 

“She’s still at JJ’s. I didn't want to wake her up, but I had to see you.” 

There was a pause and then,

“Spencer,” she whispered softly, in awe that he was there, that they were together again. 

He just kissed her some more. 

They stayed like that, connected, for just a moment longer, just another moment together, before Spencer spoke up again. 

“Y/N?” he asked, moving back only a little bit so he could look into her eyes. 

“Yes?” she asked, staring at the brown eyes she had fallen in love with, the brown eyes that always seemed to fill her with a feeling she would never know how to describe. 

“I love you,” he said softly, pecking her lips. 

When he pulled back she smiled with her eyes closed, smiled at him, smiled at the feeling in her chest, smiled at the happiness she hadn't felt in so long, she smiled and she opened her eyes just so she could look at him because he was right there, he was right in front of her. 

“I haven't seen you smile in so long,” Spencer whispered in awe, running his hand over her cheek as he stared at her. 

She only smiled wider. 

“Spencer?” she said softly, the smile stuck to her face. 

“Yes?” he asked, moving to look back up to her eyes instead of her mouth, her eyes which were shining just for him. 

“I love you,” she said. Quietly. Gently. For what felt like another first time. 

He kissed her. Harder this time.

my masterlist here

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 16) - Drowning

Summary: The reader’s night goes from bad to awful fast but thankfully Jensen shows up at the last second to stop things from getting any worse. But the guilt the reader feels over trying to end things with Jensen to protect him starts to become too much...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,600ish

Warnings: language, being drunk, minor violence, scary situations, angst, fighting, fluff, offscreen death of minor character, anxiety, panic attack, minor injury

A/N: This chapter is a whirlwind! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

It was a close to an hour later and you were halfway through a bottle of bourbon, laying on the back porch of your mom’s house, staring at the rafters and debating finishing off the whole thing.

“Y/N?” you heard. Your skin crawled as you sat up, spotting your father at the other end of the wrap around. “Are you drunk?”

“This would be an appropriate time to tell you that yes, I am and I also have this,” you said, reaching behind your and picking up a hunting rifle. “I might be plastered but I think that’ll only improve my aim. I’ll be nice and shoot for your balls first.”

“You got so much wrong about me kid.”

You fired a shot near his feet and he held up his hands.

“Why don’t you go jump off a bridge or some shit,” you said.

“Y/N.”

You pulled the trigger as he took a step forward and he jumped when it hit the window nearby. You pulled again but it just clicked as he walked closer. 

“Your new momma never taught you that kind of rifle only has two shots, did she,” he said. You tried to stand but got way too dizzy and fell down. 

“Well I can still tear you apart with my teeth,” you said. 

“You’re drunk and judging by your face, very upset. What happened to that boy you were with? I didn’t see him when I looked around.”

“Touch me and that boy will rip your head off.”

“This doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” he said, stepping far too close for your liking. You swung the rifle at him but he caught it and kicked the bottle away before you could get at it. “All grown up. Probably enjoy it now.”

You crawled back as far as you could, eyes darting behind him when you saw movement. You barely caught the brown hair and green eyes before your father was face first on the porch. You tried to stand but he yanked on your ankle and pulled you down hard. It took a long time to peel open your eyes again, your father now at Jensen’s feet. Jensen pushed down on his back while he talked on the phone to someone and it didn’t take long to hear sirens in the distance.

“For the record,” said Jensen as he walked over to you and crouched down, his belt around your father’s wrists, “I didn’t believe you for a second. Oh and you’re a dumbass but you’re my dumbass. Forever. Got it?”

“I couldn’t…” you trailed off. He nodded and took off his flannel, wrapping it over your shoulders. “I knew he would do something and I couldn’t have him near the kids or know they exist. I couldn’t-”

“I know, honey,” he said. “But don’t you dare ever do anything like that again.”

You put your head down sniffled, dizzy still as he rubbed your back before going back to watching your dad.

It took an hour or so before you could go home and you were sober enough to stand on your own. 

“Can I ask why you made the executive decision that you did?” asked Jensen, holding your arm loosely as you got into his car to head back.

“Because I’m stupid,” you said dryly from the passenger seat as he turned on his SUV.

“I mean more so why didn’t you come to me if you were scared? Why make up a lie?”

“You did let me go. You must have believed me at least for a few seconds,” you said.

“No, I actually didn’t.”

“You let me go.”

He was quiet until you got close to the brewery, Jensen pulling off onto the plot of land he owned next to it. You leaned your head against the cold window and he turned off the engine.

“This whole, tired, don’t talk to me attitude right now? Been there. Lived it. I know it’s bullshit.”

“You let me leave so you did believe me so-” you said, Jensen pressing a finger to your lips. 

“I am certain of very few things and you are one of them. I let you go so I could figure out what scared you so badly you’d lie, to me. There’s only one thing I can think of so before you even had a foot out of that house, I was calling people and I got put on with Detective Finn who worked your case as a kid and I find out that dick for brains sack of shit just moved practically down the street from us. It does not take a genius to put the pieces together.”

“Fine! I did it in some stupid attempt to protect you,” you said. You glared at him and he shook his head. “What?”

“I’m not gonna get mad at you.” You put your head back on the window and stared out to the dark trees, sniffling some. “Why do you want me to be angry with you?”

“Uh because I didn’t forget to turn on the washing machine or leave on a light. I lied. I lied so big that-”

“You lied to protect your family from a monster. Do I wish you had told me? Yes. But I fuck up so much and you’ve never once been angry with me for making a mistake and I’ll never be angry with you for making one either. I know you want me to be angry with you, feel like you should be punished for what you imagine is hurting me. But you didn’t hurt me, Y/N. You didn’t and I know you get that because so many times you’ve been on the other side of this and I know you’ve never once thought, oh yeah Jensen’s a piece of shit, let him really have it. No. Just no. So I’m not getting mad at you and I don’t know what to fucking say to make you feel better like you always do me and I’m so sorry he got so close to hurting you again. But I’m really good at fighting monsters in this family. So please next time, I don’t care if you’re scared of the bug on the wall or you think someone’s outside the house or what it is. If you’re scared, tell me and I’ll do my best to make it go away, I promise.”

“What do you do when you want to hate yourself for being an idiot?” you asked quietly. You heard him shift in his seat and you shut your eyes, the sound of a door opening and then another. Strong arms wrapped around you and you buried your face in his chest.

“I try to treat myself as kindly as she does. She would never hate me and she hates when I’m in pain. I see it all over her face. So I try to cut myself some slack and ask myself if she would hate me and when I realize no, I’m forced to forgive myself and it normally takes a few hours but it works pretty good. A lot of hugs and cuddling don’t hurt either.”

“Thank you for stopping him.”

“Don’t.”

“Thank you. I owe you so, so much.”

“You don’t owe me a damn thing. We got each other’s backs and that’s all there is to it. I’m just sad I missed you trying to shoot his dick off.”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Find my iPhone. Also I figured that was a good place to check,” he said. “I would have been here sooner if Jared didn’t drive like a tortoise over to the house to watch the kids.”

“I’m sorry I scared you...and you had to do that tonight.”

“Oh punching your father was a personal highlight for me. Trust me,” he said. He stroked your cheek and you turned into the touch, eyes squeezing shut. “You’re safe.”

“He’s going to get out on bail and-”

“And we have a very good lawyer. Oh, and I know the mayor so fuck his ass, he’s not getting bail.”

You buried your face once again and he put a finger under your chin, lifting it up.

“You’re still scared.”

“He’s gonna get arrested for what, trespassing? Attempted assault? I was drunk and shot at him. He can spin it. He can spin it and be out on the street like that.”

“I’m going to ask the lawyer to do something else, something that maybe can take care of that problem.”

“What?” 

“Once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit. He’s been gone for fifteen years. I have this bad feeling you weren’t the only one. Or even before that.”

“Or maybe he just hates me.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m gonna take care of it.”

“Jensen, I know you don’t have to worry about the money but it might still not be enough.”

“It’s enough,” he said. “Or else next time I’ll be the one with the rifle.”

“You would kill him?”

“Honestly? Yeah if it came to it. I wish people like him died in car crashes, not innocent ones. We have every right to protect ourselves and our family and I’m not letting him touch the kids or you ever.”

“I should probably say that’s bad but I don’t disagree.”

“Money works a lot. A real lot. Maybe he did something super bad and he can rot in prison forever.”

“Maybe,” you said, spotting a cruiser pull up nearby. 

“Stay here, sweetie,” he said. He walked over while the officer got out. He spoke to Jensen for a moment, Jensen’s face a bit blank when he turned around. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Your dad had a heart attack in the backseat,” said Jensen quietly. You cocked your head and he shook his. “Your father. In the police cruiser that was taking him for booking. He was just pronounced.”

“He died?”

“He was really overweight and didn’t look to be in the best health. He probably got his heart rate up too high and...the officer said he’d escort us home, stay outside the house for the night, calm our nerves.”

“He’s really dead?” you asked. You looked over at the officer and he came over, giving you a quick smile. “He really died?”

“Yes mam.”

“What...happens now?” you asked.

“We’ll file the report but you don’t necessarily need to press charges anymore. You’re next of kin as far as we’re aware so the body…” he trailed off when he looked at you. “We can talk about this with your lawyer.”

“Thanks,” said Jensen. “We’ll be on the road in a minute.” 

The officer climbed back in his cruiser, Jensen leaning against the doorframe. He tucked your hair behind your ear, letting out a deep breath.

“Y/N,” he said. He stroked your cheek, your head turning up. “What is it, honey?”

“I don’t feel bad at all. I’m actually happy. That kinda is freaking me out a little. You shouldn’t be happy someone died.”

“Most people you’re right, you shouldn’t. But there are exceptions. He tormented you. He harassed you. He came after our family. I’m gonna sleep just fine tonight knowing he’s never coming back in our lives.”

“Were you scared of him?” He ducked his head down and you took hold of his hand. “Jensen.”

“Put it this way, I’d protect my family by any means necessary. What scares me was what if I was five minutes later tonight. Ten minutes. My job is to protect you and especially from monsters like that.”

“I’m a big girl Jensen. You don’t have to protect me from anything.”

“Yes I do, just like if it were me in your shoes I know you’d have done the same exact thing. We protect each other. It’s not because I’m the guy or I’m stronger. You’re my family and that’s what we do.”

“Thank you for protecting me and forgiving me for being stupid earlier,” you said. He smiled and nodded.

“You’re my dumbass and I’m yours,” he said. “Want to go home now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

“He’s really gonna spend the night?” you asked half an hour later in bed, Jensen shutting the door after himself. “He knows there’s a cop outside, right?”

“What can I say, Jared...he thinks of you like a little sister,” he said. “I can’t blame him for being protective.”

“I’ll be right back,” you said. You climbed out of bed and went downstairs, the light dim aside from where Jared was reading on the couch, a blanket over his legs. He looked over the top of the book and set it down, sitting up.

“Everything alright?” he asked. You smiled and took a seat on the edge of the couch, pulling him into a hug. 

“Thanks for staying,” you said, a pair of large arms wrapped around your back. 

“Of course.”

“You do know there’s nobody to bother us now, right?”

“I know. Some peace of mind never hurt anybody though,” he said. “Go on back to your fiance. You guys had a rough night.”

“Yeah,” you said, closing your eyes. “Thanks.”

He kissed your temple and you returned to your room, Jensen pulling you under the covers. You let out a deep breath, turning into his side. 

“Here,” he said. He started to take off his bracelet but you shook your head.

“It’s yours, Jensen. I feel safe, I promise.”

“You’re tense still, honey.”

“Still working on that not being so angry at myself thing,” you said. He smiled and kissed you quickly, laying an arm over your waist. “I know what you said but I still want you to be pissed at me for lying.”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

“But-”

“You didn’t hurt me, Y/N and you know what? Sometimes, you’re gonna hurt me and I’m gonna hurt you. We’ll have bad days and get annoyed with one another. I’ll leave dishes in the sink and make a mess of the closet. You’ll chew with your mouth open and never fill up your car with gas until it’s too low. We’re not perfect. But even if we do hurt each other, we forgive each other because that’s what you do. We’re not always gonna like each other and what we do but we’ll always love each other. I don’t want to be mad at you. I want you to feel safe and know that I understand why you did what you did. I do. Please try to let it go, for me.”

“I am trying,” you said quietly. You shut your eyes and turned away, his arm over you pulling you back against his chest. “You’re normal. I can’t just stop hating myself like that.”

“You think I’m normal?” he chuckled. “Me?”

“Did you ever have to punch Dee’s psycho father? Did you ever have to talk about protecting her? Did she ever put your family in danger? Did she ever-”

“Y/N.”

“Go away,” you said, pushing his arm off of you. You moved over farther on your side of the bed, tucking your covers under your chin. The bed shifted and you tried to move again but his arm pulled you straight back to his chest, fingers dipping under your ribcage and holding you in place. 

“I might not have had to have done those things for her but I would have. For the record, you didn’t put anyone in danger. That fucking asshole did. It is not your fault he was an evil and vile person. All you did was try to protect us because you were scared and I know, I know you didn’t tell me because you’re so scared of that man and I don’t blame you. He made my skin crawl and I interacted with him for all of five minutes. Get it out of your system however you need to but you are stuck with me forever. There is nothing you could do to make me want you gone so get used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” you breathed out. You pulled your sheets over your head, taking deep heaving breaths. “You have so much to worry about already. You shouldn’t have to…”

“Did you think I couldn’t handle the news?” he asked. “That your father was so close by?”

“I thought you’d hate me,” you whispered. He tugged down your sheets and you squeezed your eyes shut as he turned you around.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Now you’re angry.”

“Look at me.” You forced them open, meeting a soft face and sad eyes. “Why would I ever hate you?”

“My shit’s supposed to stay in the past. You don’t…” you said, Jensen furrowing his brow. “See, you’re mad.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Your shit stays in the past.”

“It means you’ve had the world’s worst fucking year and you’re in such a good place now and you need to focus on you and not have my shit come in and fuck that up.”

“Do you think I can’t take care of you?” he asked.

“No of course not.”

“It sounds like you’re saying that you think you can’t have problems cause I can’t handle it.”

“Well at least I got what I wanted with you pissed,” you said, glaring up at him, tears welling in your eyes. You tried to push away but he held his arm around you. “Jensen, let me up.” You pushed again and he glared right back. “Stop it. Let me out of bed.” He only glared and you tore your eyes away from his face. 

“Do you think I’m weak?”

“No,” you said, keeping your head low.

“Then why-”

“Because you need a fucking break. I dealt with this shit years and years ago. I understand needing a fucking break and people need to take care of you, help you. You’re a different man than the one I met way back in January. You’re so happy and healthy and you have a different outlook on life again and that’s incredible. I’m so proud of you for that. But you’re just, just out of the woods and I’m not gonna be the one that sends you back in because of my fucking problems.”

“They’re our fucking problems,” he said. ���Our problems. There’s no your problems or my problems anymore. It’s us together. Why do you think I’d hate you?”

“Jensen,” you said, pushing on his chest. “Stop.”

“Why?”

“I said stop!”

“Tell me.”

“Because I’m scared,” you said. He let his hold go lax and you sat up, getting out of bed. You walked over to the balcony door and rested your forehead against the cool glass. The bed creaked and you felt his presence behind you. 

“You’re scared of me.” You scrunched up your face and nodded. “Why?”

“Because if you realized how fucked up I am, you wouldn’t come near me with a ten foot pole. I’m not supposed to cause you problems. I’m supposed to fix them, be there for you.”

“But I can’t be there for you. You assume I’m just a dick where it’s only me and my shit that we can work on right?” he said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Relationships go both ways, Y/N. I don’t expect you to take care of me for the rest of my life. You are allowed to need help too.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t understand,” he said, grabbing your arm and spinning you around. He was frowning, his voice an octave higher if you didn’t know any better. “Do you honestly think I would have been angry at you if you told me about your father being in town? Do you?”

“I put the kids-”

“For the last time, you didn’t put anyone in danger,” he growled. “What is going on with you?”

“How many times do I have to say it, I’m not supposed to cause any problems!” you said.

“Yes you are! You, me, the kids. We’re all gonna have fucking problems sooner or later. Why do you think I’d hate you for telling me you had a problem, sweetheart?”

You fidgeted with the bottom of your shirt, looking past him.

“Something with your dad, isn’t it. Something got triggered in you after that phone call with the detective, didn’t it.”

“Call Ray. Tell him to come over,” you said quietly. He nodded and grabbed his phone, sending off a quick message before he was guiding you to sit on the bed.

“Honey,” he said when you pulled away from him. “Okay, no touching. Can I get you anything while we wait for Ray?”

“Probably should tell that cop that we’re expecting someone,” you said, rubbing your hands against your thighs. “Fuck, tell Ray it’s the help thing. He’ll understand.”

“Okay,” he said with a nod. You rubbed your legs harder and he stared at you. “Y/N.”

“I’m trying not to have a panic attack,” you grit out. “I haven’t had one since I was eight.”

Your head was turned and you felt his hands on your cheeks, Jensen forcing a smile. You stared for a long beat before you took a breath, his head nodding. 

“That feels better,” you said, your hands not rubbing so hard. You heard feet and the door open, glancing behind Jensen to catch Jared in the doorway. You could feel your heart rate pick up, Jared nodding.

“I get panic attacks too,” he said. You nodded and Jensen glanced over his shoulder. “I heard arguing.”

“Can you tell that cop outside Ray is coming by and to let him in?” said Jensen.

“Sure. Who’s Ray?” asked Jared.

“Her mom’s old boyfriend and foster dad. He was her therapist when she was little. Something’s not right,” said Jensen.

“I’ll send him up as soon as he gets here.”

You felt calmer by the time Ray was walking in fifteen minutes later in sweats and not much more. 

“Hey kiddo,” said Ray, giving you a quick hug before he squatted down in front of you. “Doing okay?”

You shook your head and shut your eyes, Jensen holding an arm around you. He explained what happened, Ray staying quiet. You eventually opened your eyes to stare at the floor, Ray standing and pulling over the bench from the end of the bed to sit on. 

“Y/N do you want Jensen to stay?” he asked. You nodded and he hummed. “Y/N.”

“Yes,” you said dryly. “Can I have some water?”

Jensen got up and retrieved a glass from the bathroom, the pair of them watching you chug half of it down before you sat it on the nightstand.

“Y/N, does Jensen know what triggered you?” he asked.

“Not specifically. Asking for help he figured out but not the reason,” you said, looking away. 

“Well on the bright side, you didn’t have a panic attack, you worked through it, you trusted Jensen to help you through it even if he didn’t know why and some of your coping skills helped you out quite a bit. But this is something Jensen needs to know. You’ll need help in a relationship and I know this is the big one but he needs to know so this never happens again,” said Ray. 

“What if he thinks I overreacted?” you said.

“I won’t, trust me,” said Jensen. “Secret’s safe with me.”

“Go on, Y/N,” said Ray. You took a deep breath and Jensen held your hand, stroking his thumb over the back.

“So you kinda figured out that me having a problem was the trigger and that I didn’t ask for your help earlier and kinda assumed a bad reaction if I did.”

“Yup and that’s all okay,” he said softly. 

“It wasn’t because of you that I assumed you’d have a bad reaction. It was something that happened to me that sort of...default my head to react and anticipate things in a certain way in that particular situation.”

“So if you have a problem and ask for help, you assume the person you’re asking for help from will not take it in a good way?” he asked.

“Yeah, basically. If it’s a really big problem and if I anticipate that the problem would upset the person I’m asking then my head assumes this bad thing will happen. In that case, it assumes the much better option is to not reveal the problem at all and handle it myself because then the bad thing won’t happen,” you said.

“The bad thing. It’s bad isn’t it,” he said. “Really bad.”

“Y/N, remember you can share without the graphics involved,” said Ray. You nodded and leaned your head back.

“When I was six I broke something of my dad’s. A mug. His favorite mug. I picked up the pieces but I knew it was his favorite so I didn’t throw it out. I asked him for help putting it back together,” you said. “The amount of rage he had over a broken mug...I never experienced such a horrible day in all eight years as that one.”

He didn’t say anything and you tucked your feet up, holding one up to him and showing the bottom. He stared at it and cocked his head, narrowing his eyes. It took him a moment but you saw when he noticed the small little scars. His eyes flickered back to yours and you nodded.

“He hurt me badly,” you said. “All day long.” He stared at you and you told him exactly the way the scars came to be, Jensen shuddering and closing his eyes. “It wasn’t a good day.”

“Fuck,” he said, standing up and rubbing his arm. “You were six?”

He shook his head and went to the balcony door, taking a deep breath.

“Jensen. You alright?” asked Ray.

“No,” he said, turning around, looking to you. “That many times?”

“One for every broken piece,” you said. He ran his hands over his face and shut his eyes. “The worst thing was just that it went on all day. It was long enough for me to interpret it as conditioning for a result of an event rather than just a bad memory from everything me and Ray worked out back in the day. It hasn’t been a trigger for me ever really but we knew it could be someday for a big life problem potentially. I’m guessing with it involving my dad, it kinda sent me into overdrive earlier.”

“Jensen,” said Ray, shooting you a quick glance. “Y/N’s okay. I’m actually quite impressed with her behavior. There was no hesitancy or waiver in her voice. I don’t feel as though this will likely be an issue ever again now that it’s out in the open and her father is gone.”

“You’re the closest thing to a father she’s ever had,” said Jensen, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know every horrible thing that’s happened to her and, and you just...all you did was throw him out of the country for fifteen years?”

“First off, the law was different back then and it was a lifetime ban. Second of all, buddy, violence isn’t always the answer to violence,” said Ray, getting to his feet.

“You should have adopted her.”

“She didn’t want me to.”

“You were the damn adult. She was the kid. Act like one,” said Jensen. “I mean fuck, you adopted two other kids only a few years later.”

“If I had adopted her you wouldn’t even know she fucking exists,” shot back Ray. “Her father still would have come back and this would have happened regardless.”

“You should have done what you needed to the second he popped up again when she was a teenager.”

“I did not strike you as a violent man but I do not like it.”

“She was almost assaulted by that man again tonight,” growled Jensen. “He tortured her and tormented her and he got barely any time at all for that. I would have-”

“Why’d you call the police then?” he asked. Jensen swallowed and Ray shrugged. “Why back at the farmhouse did you call the police? You could have killed him, called it self-defense and been done with it. Why?”

Jensen looked down and Ray sighed.

“The price for being a good person is making hard decisions, Jensen. Would I have loved to have rid the world of that son of a bitch the second I learned all about him? Oh you don’t know the half of it. I’m a trauma therapist, Jensen. Mostly for kids and teenagers. Do you know how much fucked up shit I’ve heard in my life? The world has so much ugliness in it. But it’s got good too and that’s why you called the police like you were supposed to and that’s why she loves you. She needs a good man, not a violent one. I’m not saying don’t think about protecting your family. But don’t act on it unless you don’t have a fucking choice, kid. Understand me?”

Jensen nodded and Ray cleared his throat.

“Say it.”

“Yes, sir,” said Jensen quietly.

“Ray, don’t get mad at him. He’s not used to this stuff,” you said. You stood and pulled Jensen back to the bed, Ray crossing his arms and nodding. “If I ever feel this happening again, what should I do?”

“You could work on reconditioning instead,” said Ray. “Work on saying I have a problem to Jensen and ask for help, even if there isn’t a problem. If Jensen responds positively or even neutrally and you two work at it maybe an hour or so a day for the next week or two, I don’t think you’ll ever have to be afraid of that trigger coming back. All of your triggers Y/N have involved your father. I know similarities can set you off but they’re small, manageable. You never have to worry about anyone hurting you ever again.”

“I know. I should have trusted my partner to have my back,” you said.

“I don’t blame you. I didn’t before and I definitely don’t now,” said Jensen. Ray smiled and pulled the bench back over to the bed. 

“Get some rest you two,” he said. 

“Ray?” you said after he gave you a hug. “Why didn’t you adopt me?”

“Honestly?” he asked. You nodded, Jensen preening his ears. “You reminded me so much of your mother and I was devastated when we lost her. I should have been the adult and done what was right but after seeing her in pain for years...I didn’t have it in me to take on a grieving teenager that would have been just as angry back at me. She already was so angry then, I would have put fuel on the flames. I didn’t have it in me to be strong anymore and that’s my mistake for not trying.”

“You can adopt adults,” said Jensen. You both looked at him and he smiled. “Adults can be adopted.”

“Not sure if…” trailed off Ray as you smiled at him. “Y/N, we’ve only just started talking again.”

“Maybe if that keeps going well...maybe things could...work out…” you said. “If you wanted.”

“Yeah, maybe we can do that,” he said with a smile. “It’s getting late. Put her to bed. Don’t be surprised if there’s a nightmare or two tonight.”

“Okay. Thank you,” said Jensen as Ray started to leave.

“Take care of her kid,” he said. Jensen nodded and you lay back in bed, the house growing quiet. 

“I’m so sorry,” said Jensen, his head lowering after a few moments. “I should have realized…”

“You did realize,” you said, sitting up. “Even when my head couldn’t come out and say I trust you and I know I’m acting a certain way because of what my dad put me through, you stayed calm and figured it out. You got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you. I got to pretend to be a cowboy and my dad read me stories when I was six. The worst thing I ever got was a few smacks but I know he regrets doing that,” he said. “Even then it was because I was acting out not…I just don’t understand why he would ever hurt you.”

“I stopped trying to understand him a long time ago,” you said, the door opening. You both turned, Arrow walking in with a pair of wet eyes. “You have a nightmare, sweetie?”

“I went…to the bathroom…” she said when you noticed her holding her wrist. Jensen hopped up and walked over, picking her up gently and setting her beside you. “I fell down off the step stool. It was wet.”

“Tell me what hurts,” he said.

“My hand,” she said. 

“Let daddy see,” you said. She moved her hand back and you both saw her wrist was swollen and bruised. Jensen swore under his breath and guided her hand back on it. “Okay, you hold it if it feels better that way, honey. Daddy, I think Arrow should go to urgent care.”

“Arrow, why don’t you go get your dolly and we’ll bring her with us. We might have to wait a minute,” he said. “Be careful okay? I’ll come get you in just a minute.”

“Mommy?” she asked, staring up at you. 

“Mommy’s really tired-” said Jensen when you stood up.

“Uncle Jared is staying over though, daddy. Go get your dolly and mommy and daddy will get dressed,” you said. She sniffled but climbed down okay, Jensen sighing when she left the room. “She wants me there and I want to be there. I’m going.”

“Alright but you’re going to try and get some sleep in the waiting room at least, please.”

“No promises.”

________

A/N: Read Part 17 here!

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

To Raise Children: Chapter 15

Chris Evans X Daughter!Reader, Grandpa!Chris Evans X Flynn and Felix Evans (OCs) Tom Holland X Single-Mom!Reader (Slow Burn)

Series Masterlist

OC List

Series Summary: It's been 4 years, your sons are starting kindergarten, you're starting junior year of college, a lot has changed.

Chapter Summary: Tom asks you on a date.

Series Warnings: Age gap (Reader is 20, Tom is 29), absent father, mentions teen pregnancy, mentions abortion, if you see anymore please let me know politely.

Chapter Warnings:

Sequel to "It Takes A village"

Chris looks over at your phone when he hears it begin to ring. Tom was calling you, that confused Chris since he didn't know you and Tom were friends. You have told him yet.

"Hey dad! Can you get that?" You hollered from the next room over where you were sitting with the twins. All three of you were doing school work. You had left your phone in the living room charging.

"Sure thing peanut!" Chris explains as he reaches over and answers the phone before standing. "Hello."

"Oh Chris? I think I called the wrong number." Tom says confused as he pulled the phone off his ear to check.

"I was answering the phone for Y/n." Chris told him as he began slowly walking to the dining room.

"Oh! Uh how are you?"

"I'm good. How are you Tom?" Chris asks.

"I'm doing good."

"Why did you call my daughter?" Chris asks, he knows he shouldn't ask. Your a grown woman, he shouldn't put his over protective dad act on. But he just can't help it.

"I just had to talk to her about something." Tom says, of course, it was your dad who answered. He shouldn't be nervous talking to your dad, he's known him almost ten or so years, longer than he's know you. But he likes you and doesn't want to mess anything up, with you or your family. Especially your dad and sons. He just knows that if any of them don't like him then he'll lose his shot.

"Mhm. It's Holland." Chris says handing you the phone.

"Hey!" Chris watches you carefully as your face lights as Tom begins to speak. You excuse yourself and leave the room.

"Whos Holland?"

"Your mom's friend," Chris explains. He knew if he told the boys it was Tom they'd bother you.

"Okay!"

—

"So I was wondering if you'd want to get a dinner with me? Some time before I leave back to London." Tom asks over the phone. He nervously awaits your answer. As for you, you didn't know how to react. A first date, and your first date in over 6 years.

"Yeah sure! Just let me see if I can get my dad to watch the twins. What day were you thinking?"

"Friday maybe?"

"Sure!"

"Okay darling see you then."

The phone hangs up. You grin at the phone, squealing a little bit. You have a date! That is if you can find a babysitter. Your grin doesn't fade as you make your way back to the dining room.

"Good call?" Chris smirks at you.

"Yeah." You nod.

"Okay, I'm gonna go make dinner." Chris smiles before walking out.

———

"Dad can you please watch them?"

"Sorry sweetheart I have plans on Friday. Maybe your grandma can watch them." He suggests.

"Okay."

"Whos your date with? Is it Tom?" Chris teases you

"It's Tom." Your face heats up and you look down at the floor.

"Sweetheart he's going back to London soon so just keep that in mind. A long distance relationship is hard especially when you're busy with kids."

"It's one date." You assure.

"Alright, go ask your grandma I'm sure she'll say yes."

"Yeah... Dad do you think I'm making a mistake? Going on a date, I should be focused on the boys and school."

"Bubba you're always focused on the boys, you can take one night off and you haven't had a night off since before the twins were born."

"I know but dad-"

"You and I both know all you were gonna do this Friday is watch the trolls trilogy for the hundredth time." He gives you a knowing look.

"I hate that you're right." You sigh leaning on the table.

"Seriously though why do they have such an obsession with singing trolls." Chris laughs as he continues cooking dinner. "And why are there three movies."

"Because kids are obsessed with them."

Taglist: @fic-for-readers @denisemarieangelina @thevelvetseries @kaitieskidmore1 @ellerosie2332 @tahniemarie @runawayolives @marajillana @buckybarnez @positivelyholland @firehoseevan @coldmuffinpartycloud @beautifulrose0809 @believinghurts @laura-naruto-fan1998 @shadow-dixon @claaaaaaire-blog @mrs-brekker15 @h-j-s-03 @moniffazictress11 @buxkybarnes @ducks118 @kalopsia-flaneur @silverrmist @some-lovely-day @peterparkerbae @Olivia197810 @gengen64 @snigdha-14 @hollzo-03 @bubb1eana1ee @cmalas @bucketbarnes12 @cedricdiggorysimpp @jamie0515 @Bellagaseta20

Also, I just realized that Felix doesn't have just share a name with one Disney character but two since there is a character in Encanto named Felix (He's still only named after Fix It felix tho not Felix from Encanto, because he was not a year before Encanto came out) Also in 2023 trolls 3 is coming out and that's what I referenced in this fic since its taking place in 2025.

[howlingday]

Jaune: (Walking through the forest with Yang, Looks at a wanted poster on a tree) Hey, Yang, who's that? She kind of looks like you.

Yang: That's Raven Branwen, the supposed "Bandit Queen" around here. Don't bother getting involved with her. She'd just make you look stupid. (Sighs, Looks away) It wouldn't be the first time.

Jaune: ...Right. (Touches her hand) Yang, you know I love you, right?

Yang: ...Yeah, I know. (Holds his hand, Doesn't look at him) Even if you don't deserve someone like me.

Jaune: (Pulls his hand away) What do you mean? Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?

Yang: (Looks at him) What?! No! I know we've only been dating for a few months, but it's not like that! If anything, it's the other way around!

Jaune: (Angry) So you're saying you're too good for me now?!

Yang: No! Argh! You are so annoying right now! What I meant was- (A loud thud is heard nearby, Gunfire explodes in the distance) What was that?

From the treeline, a band of armed thugs barrel out waving their weapons around, hooting and hollering, roaring and barking as they circle the couple. A tree falls, it's trunk sliced clean as a woman with black hair and red eyes walks forward. She sheathes her sword as she sways her hips. She looks exactly like the woman in the wanted poster, becauseshe is the woman from the wanted poster; Raven Branwen.

Raven: Don't waste your breath with her. (Stops in front of the couple) She never understood true power, even when it stared her in the face.

Jaune: Wait, you're-

Raven: Raven Branwen, Bandit Queen. (Bandits roar and cheer until they're silenced by Raven's extended hand, She leans forward into Jaune's face) And you are just my type.

Jaune: (Blushing) Uh, you look just like my girlfriend.

Raven: Well, she is my daughter.

Yang: Stop leering at her, you perv! And you, I thought you didn't want anything to do with me!

Raven: I didn't, but when Tai told me about this boy you're dating, I had to see for myself. He reminds me a lot of him. (Licks her lips) I bet he tastes the same, too. Shay! Vernal!

Shay & Vernal: Yes, ma'am!

Raven: Make sure she doesn't interfere. I want to play with my food right now

Shay & Vernal: Yes, ma'am!

Raven: What's your name, handsome?

Jaune: Uh, Jaune. Jaune Arc.

Raven: Mm, short, sweet, and rolls off the tongue. I bet the ladies love it.

Jaune: Uh...

Raven: If you didn't hear, I'm Raven Branwen. But, the only thing you'll call me from now on is either ma'am or mommy.

Jaune: (Chuckling) That's funny. I like you, Ms. Branwen!

Yang: (Thinking) What is she doing?! Is she... trying to steal Jaune?! (Shakes her head) Whatever! Jaune loves me! He won't surrender to her! ...But we did have that fight just now. He might actually leave me for her. ...No! I just have to put my faith in Jaune! I know he'll stay with me!

Raven: Now, Jaune, what say we have some fun?

Raven unsheathes Omen, taking a combative stance in front of Jaune, who, in turn, unsheathes Crocea Mors. Raven swings at Jaune, holding back her strength as she tests Jaune's skill. Soon, Jaune is beading with sweat as Raven lazily parries and swings at him. Jaune slips into her guard, forcing her to jump back. She chuckles as she watches him pant.

Raven: Not bad, boy. Not bad at all.

Jaune: This... This is too much! I can see why you're the Bandit Queen now.

Raven: What are you staring so hard at me for, boy? You want me? Here, (Takes off her armor, Her perfect-fit clothing underneath leaves nothing to the imagination) have a closer look.

Jaune: (Stammers, Looks to Yang)

Yang: Stop showing off like that, Mom! Why couldn't you just stay out of my love life like dad? In fact, why don't you just stay out of my life?!

Shay: Hey, kid, settle down!

Vernal: Queen Raven ordered us to keep you in place, so that's what we're going to do.

Yang: And having your goons keep me from kicking your butt?! You're the worst!

Raven: Your boyfriend doesn't seem to think that. Just look at how he's panting just from being near me. (Jaune gulps) Tell me, Jaune. What do you like most about me? Is it my lovely hair? My intoxicating scent? Or is something else catching your eyes?

Jaune: C-Can we go back to fighting, please?!

Yang: Why are you dodging the question, you creep?! (Thinking) I'm losing him. It's subtle, but... There's no doubt about it. It can't end like this. Not after everything we've been through!

Raven: Remember this, Jaune; there's a difference between a girl and a woman. Allow me to show you the difference.

Raven swings with more intent this time, forcing Jaune to block and dodge with more caution, as she now kicks at any opening she finds. Jaune slips into her guard again, forcing the two to lock blades. However, Raven takes advantage of this to blow a kiss at Jaune, who flinches and jumps away. Raven follows up with thrust, parry, and slice combination. Jaune noticed Raven switched to a two-handed style, and decided to respond in kind. The battle became more even as Raven began sweating from the effort she was putting in. Jaune leaped away, panting, and stuck his sword into the dirt.

Jaune: Okay, I'm done! I've had enough, Ms. Branwen!

Raven: Aw, what's the matter, baby. Are you losing focus from watching me move so gracefully? I'll bet you have so many nasty thoughts running through your head right now. (Rips open her shirt a little, revealing her cleavage) You want me so bad, don't you?

Yang: (Tears streaming from her eyes, Thinking) That's it. I've lost him. There's no way he doesn't want her after that. It's how she tricked Dad into loving her. (Crying) But, he can't just leave me for her! She just wants to use him as a plaything. If he left me, I at least want to be sure he'll be safe from any harm, but she... It's all my fault. All because of that stupid argument, he's going to leave me all alone!

Jaune: Ugh! Just shut the fuck up already!

Yang: Huh? (Realizes Jaune's holding her)

Raven: Excuse me?!

Jaune: I'm sick of hearing you talk! You're fucking weird, the way you talk to me makes me feel like a baby, and the fact you're putting down your own daughter just to impress a stranger like me, (Glares at Raven, Grinds his teeth) it makes me so fucking furious, I can't stand it! How could you say such foul shit about your daughter?! (Takes a deep breath, Holds Yang close) I love your daughter. I only love your daughter. I mean, yeah, you're attractive, with your nice-smelling hair and your curves and your swordplay, but that doesn't matter. But I wouldn't even be fawning over you if I knew how horrible you really were! (Feels Yang hugging him, Sighs) I'm sorry, baby. I just... I just got so upset when you said I wasn't good enough for you.

Yang: (Sniffs) I wasn't talking about you not being good enough; I was talking about me not being good enough for you. I got so worried that you'd abandon me, I couldn't bear it. I'm sorry it came out wrong to you. I just think you're so amazing, okay? You always rise up against any challenge, even when you know the odds aren't in your favor. You fought bullies, Grimm, my dad, and even the White Fang! You have so much confidence, I can't imagine why you would think you're not good enough! (Sobs) I love you, Jaune! I feel like if you left me, I would literally die!

Jaune: (Shushes her, Pets her hair) I love you, too, and I know what you mean. I feel like... It's like our souls are connected, you know? (Chuckles, Tear rolls down his eye) I'm sorry I'm so corny, and for our fight earlier.

Yang: (Chuckles) It's okay. I like us being corny, and I love that you can be so honest with me.

Jaune: (Chuckles, Kisses the top of her head) I'm so lucky I have you.

Raven: (Holding herself, Panting and squirming) Oh, this feeling~.

Jaune: (Looks up) Huh? (Looks over, Sees Raven half-naked and steaming with a dangerous aura) Uh...

Raven: Oh, Tai hasn't made me feel like this in such a long time~.

Yang: (Gulps) Raven?

Raven: But you, Jaune, (Lewd and wide smile, Sultrily chuckles) you're a whole different breed~! (Points Omen at him, Drooling) You're a man who knows how to put a bitch like me in her place and shows love to his girl after some tramp disses her! (She looks down, Hiding her face) It might be the bare minimum, but... (Looks up, Hungry eyes) I just have to have you! Now pick up the sword and listen carefully, because if you lose this fight, I'm going to make you my new slave! (Chuckles) Who knows? Maybe in a few years, you'll make for a fine bandit.

Shay: Wait, we used to be something before being bandits?

Raven: You can't refuse this, handsome, otherwise I'll kill Yang and give you no choice.

Jaune: Shit. Yang, this doesn't look good.

Yang: Hey, now, that's not the Jaune Arc I love! (Hands him Crocea Mors, Kisses his cheek) Kick her ass for me, okay, baby?

Jaune: (Takes Crocea Mors, Smiles) You got it, baby!

Vernal: Listen up, everyone! Our queen is about to go all out! The odds of her leaving us alive grow slimmer by the second! Know that all of you have been like family to me!

Shay: Even me?

Vernal: Shut up, Shay.

Raven: By the way, handsome, I don't want this to be over too soon, so keep that sword of yours in it's longsword form to keep it interesting. Because this shit's finna get nutty!

Raven wastes no time attacking Jaune, forcing him to block. He's pushed back several feet before side-stepping away. Raven continues until a red portal opens in her path, and she disappears into it. Jaune loses sight of her and barely has enough time to duck as she flies in from behind to strike. He rolls away, but Raven charges again, striking wildly with swings and thrusts. Jaune's muscles ache as he's forced to block and parry. Raven runs towards him again, disappearing into another portal. He looks behind, but doesn't see her. Yang warns him of the strike from above, and he leaps away in time. He notices a golden necklace on the ground, recognizing it from one of the bandits. Unfortunately, Raven was relentless as she continued her assault, and Jaune couldn't afford to stop and think. He decided to go on the offensive this time, clashing with her. When she was pushed back, he charged forward, but ran into her portal, and right into Vernal. The bandit lieutenant jumped away as Jaune thrusted, and he apologized as he she did. He turned in time to catch Raven's blade, but she disappeared as she retreated, using her portal repeatedly to confuse him. Jaune dropped his sword and stepped forward to the golden necklace. He tossed it into the air, forcing Raven to dive to him with her blade extended. She cackled with mad glee as she forced him to fall backwards, only to reel in pain when he kicked her in the face and away from Omen. Raven sprawled and climbed to her knees, looking at Jaune from the wrong end of her weapon.

Raven: (Panting) Jaune... That was... amazing... I feel so... exhilarated... You sapped me of all my juices. Or, well, at least half of my aura, anyways. I know you won, but couldn't you please reconsider and join my family?

Jaune: I don't want you! Damn! (Throws Omen aside) I'm with your daughter because I love her! I love her hair! I love her smell! I love her curves!

Raven: W-What are you saying?!

Jaune: I'm saying I love big-tittied bitches! Mostly your daughter, but the others are cool, too, I guess!

Yang: (Snickers, Covers her mouth)

Jaune: Also, you just let "your family" almost die in our fight! Who the hell does that?!

Raven: (Scoffs) The family knows the tribe is nothing without their queen. If they were worthy, they would be willing to die for me. (Stands up, Shakes her head) Such a sentimental fool. No wonder you're together. (Picks up Omen, Walks away with her tribe) You can have him, Yang.

Yang: ...Thank you, Raven.

Jaune: Wait, that's it?

Raven: Yeah, I don't need any bleeding hearts in my tribe. But you have my blessing, whatever that might mean to you. (Thinking) Fuck, now I'm thinking about him again. I should go chat with him. It has been a few months since our last "reunion."

[princecharmingmendes]

Invisible String | Werewolf AU | Raul Mendes

Raul is a werewolf and his mate turned out not only to be human, but his best friend's little sister. And as much as he tried, he could not ignore that invisible string tying her to him.

Hello hello! This is a bit of an experimental thing and I'm really excited about it, I've always been highly interested in everything about alternative universe and fantasy in general, and ever since I received the first ask to write a werewolf piece I've been wanting to do it but also a bit nervous. So hopefully this meets your expectations and you guys like it! Let me know if this was any good and if you guys would like to see something else like this! 

*Word Count: 8K+;

*Warnings: a few curse words, a little angsty (i guess), minor drinking;

*Posted: March 28th, 2021.

                                               -*-

Raul felt like life liked playing sick little tricks on him.

Like the fact that werewolves had a very strict hierarchy and normally it worked nicely. The Alphas are the ones in charge and responsible for keeping the pack safe and in order. Betas normally were kind of the strength of the pack, trained to listen and do whatever the pack needed and physically skilled to fight off anyone. And the Omegas were the glue to all of it, the sweet and naturally more caring ones, and it was an ancient thing that was followed to this day. Until Raul and his twin brothers were all born Alphas. It was hard informing the pack that they’re all going to be the Alphas of their pack. And since normally it was only allowed one wolf to claim that position, it was harder to make older ones respect their decision and actually accept, but at the end of the day, they didn’t have much of a choice. The Alpha genes ran in the Mendes family for generations and thankfully their dynamic was actually great and the triplets formed a great group of wolves. 

And that was just an example of the things Raul blames on fate or whatever for making his like a bit more difficult. But maybe the hardest one was having mated with not only a human, but his Beta’s younger sister. His best friend’s and right hand’s sister, one of the only girls that was off limits had to be his mate. 

And it wasn’t even his choice. Mating is a common thing between werewolves and other creatures, often seen as a blessing, a reason to celebrate. It’s similar to what most people have as a soulmate. It’s two souls that were meant to be together and are deeply connected to the other. Sometimes it’s harder to notice, it can take a few years and sometimes it’s almost instantaneous, and it can’t be undone or ignored. And even though sometimes it can be denied by one of the sides, according to the ones who’ve been through it, it’s an awfully painful experience. Some even go as far as describing having a piece of you being pulled out of your heart. 

It also doesn’t have to be necessarily tied to a romantic relationship, you can simply be friends with them for the rest of your lives, even though it doesn’t happen most of the time. Most of the time it isn’t even something to think about, it just feels natural, you feel whole when you’re around that person, they’re meant to be your other half and normally it just clicks. And when you grow up surrounded by wolves, it’s normally a beautiful connection to witness. Raul always found their parents relationship amazing, and deep down longed for a similar deep relationship with someone, finding his mate and falling in love. He just didn’t expect it to happen the way it did. 

It was over four years ago and he was running a bit late to Mike’s, his best friend, nineteenth birthday he was having at his parents’ house. Raul got caught up sorting through some pack stuff and when he was finally done with it, he was already half an hour late and it was outside their little secluded “neighborhood” in the wooded area. It was a bit far from the town so the wolves wouldn’t have a problem with the humans since their existence was still a secret. Only very few and selected humans knew about them. So it was best for everybody if they built their little community on the woods just beside the town, and keep their presence among humans only when seen necessary. 

Mike’s father, who is a werewolf, fell in love with a human (Mike’s mom) and they decided to move into town to be closer to her job since she was a nurse and needed to be near the hospital in case of an emergency. And when Mike was born a wolf, they decided that he was going to be raised like his dad was in the wolf community and would make his decision in joining it or not when he was older. And he did choose the pack life since it felt more natural to him. But Y/N, his younger sister, was actually born a human and was raised by his parents like any human kid, and she was never taken to their community since she was three years younger than her brother and Mike was very protective over her, not knowing how his pack would treat her or react to her.

So when Raul parked his car right outside the address that was sent to him and ringed the bell, he wasn’t expecting to be met with his mate. But there she was, Y/N stood with the door open as her eyes widened the slightest bit and he was sure he wasn’t breathing. He felt like he was floating and her sweet scent of something like Roses and Strawberries was all he could feel. All his other senses were clouded by her presence just a few inches away from him. He didn’t know how to react or what to say, and for the first time in his life he was completely speechless. Raul was normally a very socially skilled person, he was good at talking to people and reading someone’s expressions like a book, always had a sharp answer at the tip of his tongue and knew what to do at most situations, but Y/N caught him off guard. 

She seemed a bit confused as well. Her mouth slightly a gape as she held to the wooden doorframe.  Y/N was really happy she was finally meeting all of her brother’s friends and getting to know a bit more of this part of his life she was deprived of. And she was a bit shocked to notice how big and strong all of his friends were, specially Shawn and Peter, who Mike explained to be the Alphas. They were also incredibly nice to her, she suspects it was her brother’s doing since every time they would say something or curse, they would always look at Mike first. But when the doorbell rang again, she knew it was Raul, he was the only one missing and they knew he was late due to “pack stuff” as they explained. She felt a bit jittery and basically ran to the door from the spot she was sitting next to it on her phone, wanting to get to know her brother’s best friend for a while now. But she wasn’t prepared to meet him.

Sure, he was identical to his twins, but there was something different about him that hit her hard. Of course, he had more tattoos and a few more piercings, he looked a bit rougher in the edges with his leather jacket and wild golden eyes, but there was something that wasn’t about his appearance that took her breath away. And suddenly she didn’t know what to do, they’re both stuck in their place staring at each other. And even though her mind was screaming at her to stop being awkward, invite him in and actually act like a decent being, Y/N couldn’t move a muscle, and he’s probably thinking she’s an idiot and too polite to invite himself in. And in the middle of her internal turmoil, he regained some self control for the sake of both of them. 

Raul cleared his throat shaking his head a bit “Hi, I’m Raul, you must be Y/N” he said and she swore she melted at the sound of his voice “it’s really nice finally meeting you” 

He offered his hand to her to which she swiftly grabbed, feeling his warmth seeping throughout her palm, his fingers curling around her much smaller ones. He had a beautiful design tattooed on the back of his hand and she got a little lost in it. 

Y/N sighed relief he broke the awkward moment and looked up back at him, trying to control her thoughts “Yeah, that’s me, nice to meet you too, would you like to come in?”

Raul smiled as he let go of her hand a bit reluctantly “sure” was all he said as he stepped in closer to her, being hit with a fresh wave of her sweet scent, forcing him to take a deep breath. 

“The boys are outside in case you’re wondering” she said placing a strand of hair that fell out of her little updo behind her ear.

Raul held back the urge to do it himself “Oh, so they annoyed you into staying in the living room?”

“No no” her eyes almost budged out of their socket “I was just- I was just waiting for you since I knew you were running late and they’re all talking, so I didn’t want to intrude and I-“

“Y/N it’s just a joke” he said through a chuckle as he saw her face flushing “relax a bit, honey”

Y/N giggled softly as she closed the door “I’m sorry, I-“

“Hey, dude!” Mike called from across the room, making their heads snap towards him “how’s everything back home?”

“All settled” Raul said taking a step closer to his Beta “just arrived actually”

“Oh, so you met my little sister” and even though it seemed like a normal sentence, Raul knew Mike and knew his posture like the back of his hand, he knew this was a reminder of the conversation they had back home about staying away from her.

“Yeah, she opened the door for me” he said and from his peripheral he saw Y/N nodding confirming his line.

“I see, the guys are outside, let’s go grab a burger for you” Mike said patting him on the shoulder and dragging him away from the front door where Y/N seemed to be frozen in place. 

Raul remembers vividly every little second of that night. Remembers how he decided he should keep his distance for the sake of his friendship and for Y/N herself. She was only sixteen when they met and she is human, which means the bond isn’t too strong for her, specially at first glance, and dating a werewolf was hard. He lived far into the woods and didn’t necessarily mingle with people in town, who were probably her friends and she wasn’t raised with his type, so maybe it would be too much for her. And Raul’s sure Mike wouldn’t be happy about it, at least not now where they first met and she’s that young. So he kept his distance, only talking to her when extremely necessary. 

And that was a pattern he kept for the remaining four years of their limited interactions (which he intended keeping that way).  

As older as Y/N got, the closest she got with the pack. She was always close to Mike, but since she was young she wasn’t allowed to walk or drive alone to the community, but as soon as she was old enough she was always around on the weekends and important dates. And she was just lovely, so everyone adored her, always wanting to have her around for monthly movie nights and even going as far as inviting her to spend the night. Raul couldn’t really blame anyone for wanting her around, he did too, but he couldn’t, so he didn’t say a thing about it. And he knew he made her hesitant on accepting those invitations, cause at every attempt she ever made to get closer to him, he shut her off. And he could see Y/N was hurt, but it was for the best. 

He even tried dating someone else for a while  and he noticed Y/N didn’t like it even the tiniest bit. The girl he was dating was a Beta that was temporarily living with them as her pack solved something around the area, and she was nice. But it didn’t last long, she was only staying for a few months, and on the day she left, there was a barbecue in celebration to one of the older wolves and of course Y/N was there. Raul was late since he was taking his ex to the airport, and Y/N didn’t even look at him when he stepped into the little location they were all settled. He found the act odd but didn’t say a word, only walking towards his brother’s and Mike who were laughing probably about something dumb one of them said. Raul spent a few minutes with them, but he kept looking over his shoulder where Y/N was sat, noticing after an hour she was missing and he instantly started trying to find her.

He dismissed his friends as he walked into the pack house, trying to clear his senses to track her in case she was hurt (since she was a bit wobbly on her feet already), but only to be met with her staring at her phone while sitting on the couch with a huge pout set on her lips. Raul was about to turn and leave when Y/N looked up, noticing his presence and he swears his heart stopped at that moment. She had tears filling her eyes and her lips were trembling slightly, a deep frown set on her brows.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be here” she mumbled sniffling softly “I just needed to clear my head a bit”

Raul nodded with softer eyes as he walked closer to her “it’s okay, are you hurt? Are you in pain?”

Y/N shook her head “I honestly don’t know why I’m so upset, I didn’t even drink that much or anything, I just-“ she sighed heavily and looked up at the celling.

“Tired?” Raul offered gently and she nodded her head slowly “want me to drive you home?”

“No, please, just go enjoy the night, isn’t Samantha here?” she said as he sat down beside her, still keeping some distance. 

“We broke up, she left today” was all he said and she looked up at him with wide eyes, but before she could start apologizing, he just pressed his hand to her knee gently “it’s okay, it wasn’t anything serious, no need to apologize, sweetheart” 

“I- okay”

“Still wanna stay?” he pressed gently “I can still take you home”

“No, it’s okay, I was supposed to spend the night anyway” she shrugged.

“Wanna go upstairs and take a nap?” was all he asked and she shook her head. 

“The thing is I was supposed to stay at Stacy’s room tonight, but her boyfriend showed up, so I guess I got the living room” she explained “which is totally okay, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful, I know you don’t like me much, and I don’t want to make things worse” 

And at that his heart shattered “wait, what?”

“Oh no, I really don’t mind, I can call a cab too, I can leave in twenty minutes too, I’m sorry I-“ she started breathing a bit heavily as he picked up her heart racing more than usual.

Raul shook his head, turning on the couch to face her better “No, it’s not that, I’m not mad at you or anything, I just- who said I don’t like you?”

“I- no one” she opened her mouth a few times before closing it until she said something that shattered his heart in a billion pieces “no one, it’s just something I’ve noticed throughout the years”

“What do you mean?”

Y/N sighed deeply as she glanced down at her lap, fidgeting the bracelet she always wore, which Raul caught on a long time ago to be a nervous habit “I know you get uncomfortable when I’m around and Mike told me it was probably something about you not being used to have humans around, and I totally get it, it’s just sometimes it seems like my presence is enough to put you in a sour mood and I don’t think it’s because I’m human or anything, and I shouldn’t be saying this to you, I’m sorry”

Raul took a deep breath as he squeezed her knee gently and seeing her relax a bit at his touch “stop apologizing for everything, you did nothing wrong, sweetheart, well, besides assuming I disliked you”

“Oh” was all she managed out as her brain ran a million mile per hour.

Y/N has had a crush on him for years now, ever since the first time they met. He was the literal description of her type, but the dreamy part ended there. Of course Raul was always polite and never made anything to directly hurt her, but he kept pushing her away and avoiding her like the plague, and maybe it was all in her head, but he didn’t seem like that whenever he was around others. And that did nothing to help her case. She knew nothing would ever happen between them, he made it pretty obvious he wasn’t attracted to her, but she’d like to try and be friends with him but even that didn’t seem to interest him. And it wasn’t his fault, she didn’t even knew the reason as to why she felt the need to have him around, but she just did. So Y/N just lost hope after all the attempts to make him like her, but he was always so distant and it still affected her after all this years. 

In the other hand, Y/N had no idea how hard it was to push her away. Raul was certain she knew exactly what to do to get to his heart, she had to. Every little thing she did made his heart flutter and she was just so good at having people wrapped around her fingers that she made her way through all of his friends lives. He thought they were mates at first glance, her scent was a great clue, but as they got to know each other better, even indirectly, just made him sure of it. Y/N meant much more than what he thought was possible, seeing her stressed over school stuff or sad about whatever reason was enough to put him in panic, not knowing how to keep his distance and stop her from hurting. And all his cold exterior wasn’t necessarily his choice, he knew Mike confessed he hoped his sister would not get with an Alpha, that meant she would have to give up a few things in her life and that would herself in danger for having Raul’s scent all over her. And Mike also told him he would do whatever he could to avoid that to keep her safe.

So he did it for her, to keep her safe from the problems that came along with living in a pack, dating a werewolf and being a human. But it was getting harder, and tonight he decided to ignore it, that she needed him more than she needed to stay away from him. And that’s what pushed him to wrap his fingers around her wrist, making her look up at him

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he offered in a lower voice “maybe it will help you clear your head a bit” and Y/N seemed a bit shook, looking up at him with wide eyes and she nodded slowly.

Raul smiled fondly at her as he got up with her following him up the stairs to the little movie room the pack out together for movie nights. They sat down side by side as he offered her to pick something for them, then Raul proceeded to reach for a fluffy blanket that was thrown on the corner of the sofa. When he turned back to her she still looked a bit lost, so he offered to put on a show he knew was her favorite, and she just nodded in response. Y/N was too nervous to do anything wrong that would push him back into being his closed off distant self, and she knew she looked ridiculous all tense and barely breathing by his side. 

Raul noticed her stiffness right away and decided to turn off the lights hoping this would make her relax even a little bit. And as the episode progressed he noticed she was getting more and more loose. An hour later, in the middle of the second episode, he felt her leaning closer to him, probably searching for a bit more warmth, so he lifted his arm to rest on the back of the couch and to make room for her in case she wanted. It only took a couple more minutes for her to be basically leaning most of her weight on him, and when her arm slipped, she fell mostly laying on his chest. And as soon as Y/N was ready to start apologizing, Raul shushed her softly, asking her to relax and pulling the covers up both of their bodies, and so she did.

He didn’t notice he was falling asleep until he woke up many hours later with the sound of voices downstairs from his brothers. Raul looked down at his chest to find Y/N cuddled to him, sound asleep as his arm wrapped around her waist held her still. He took a deep breath and almost chose not to wake her and just go back to sleep, to deal with the stiffness due to the sitting position he held and the consequences of sleeping there with her in the morning. At least until he heard the door cracking open slowly and Shawn’s head popping in. 

“Are you two okay?” his brother whispered as he noticed the girl asleep on the couch, and to that Raul nodded in response, afraid to wake her up “take her upstairs to your room, dude, Mike will find out you like her sooner or later and he’ll deal with it, just don’t let her sleep on the couch”

Raul sighed and nodded. Shawn bid his goodnight and closed the door with a soft click. Peter, Shawn and his mom were the only ones to know about his mating situation, and he liked it better that way. They tried convincing him to tell her at least, but they understood that maybe it wasn’t the right time just yet and let him decide what to do with his feelings. 

So he ended up taking his brothers suggestion and as gently as he could, he rearranged the girl in his arms to he could carry her upstairs to his bedroom. Y/N grumbled softly in protest, nuzzling her face further on his neck as she quieted down. Raul had to stop himself from cooing at her. As he walked out into the bright hallway she mumbled something unintelligible before calling his name.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, I’m here, it’s just me” he whispered as they walked into his room, before placing a kiss to her hair, gently lowering her to his mattress. 

Y/N slowly opened her eyes “Raul? I’m sorry, I fell asleep on you” she mumbled quietly. 

“It’s okay, just thought a bed would be a better place for you to sleep other than the couch” he said standing up to his full height and bringing the covers up her body “that’s why I brought you to my room”

“Thank you” she said grabbing his hand and he just nodded at her with a gentle grin on his lips “why are you up?”

“I’m going to crash downstairs on the movie room” he stated caressing the back of her hand with his thumb and she started shaking her hand. 

Her hold on him tightened “No, not a chance, I’m not taking you out of your bed for you to sleep on the couch, please stay here with me, please”

And how could he possibly say no to her looking so sleepy and so sweet?

He breathed a chuckle with a nod “just let me change first, do you need a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt instead of what you’re wearing?”

“Yes please” she murmured feeling a bit embarrassed for making him do all of this for her.

And as if he could read his mind “Don’t look at me as if you’re being a headache, yeah? It’s okay, sweetheart, let me just grab you some clothes” he squeezed her hand before letting go of it in favor of picking up what he promised.

He came back from his closet in only a pair of sweats and a thin white t-shirt, a similar paring folded in his hands for her. She got up to change on his bathroom as he climbed on his bed, trying to contain the excitement of the prospect of having the girl he’s been fond of for over two years, the possible love of his life. Y/N quickly returned in his clothes, following suit and diving under the covers, laying on her side away from him as he stayed on his back, trying to control his breathing after turning off the lights. A few minutes passed and he’s sure she was asleep, the room dark enough so he could only see the silhouette of her body by the faint glow of the moon seeping through his curtains. But then he heard the soft rustle of his sheets as she turned to face him, and he only turned his face on the pillow to properly look at her. 

“Can I ask you something?” she whispered almost as if she was afraid to break the comfortable silence that fell over them. 

Raul hummed in response “anything you want” his voice a soft and raspy tone, making her shiver slightly. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” her voice barely audible as if she was nervous to ask, or maybe the answer frightened her more. 

“You don’t have to worry about it, you should just rest for now” was his response and she sighed in defeat, nodding her head before facing him away again. 

The clear defeat on her features, despite the darkness was enough to make him regret his words. So Raul turned on his hand, raising a careful hand to caress her exposed bicep. She flinched at first, not expecting his touch, but quickly relaxing to it as he felt goosebumps raise on her skin. He decided to scoot a bit closer almost as if he were testing the waters and she shuffled closer in response. Soon the hand on her arm slid to wrap her waist gently and Y/N sighed happily in return, finally resting her back on his chest. Raul placed a kiss at the top of her head as she melted under his sweet gesture. 

When she was in transition to dreamland, she swears she heard him whisper into her hair, the place he decided to muzzle his face “I’m sorry I made you think I disliked you, Y/N that’s not the case at all” he took a deep breath and she was far to gone to say anything back “You just seemed like you needed me tonight, and I’m sorry if I ever made you think your presence here was unwanted, you’re just too good and I don’t deserve you, sweetheart”

And not knowing if this was true or not, his whispered confessions with that slightly raspy and almost honeyed at the same time voice lulled her completely to sleep. 

                                              -*-

In the weeks prior to that event, neither of them said a thing about that night, not even in an indirect way. Raul barely spoke to his brothers about it, but they already knew what happened, and Y/N didn’t feel like telling Mike would be a genius idea, so she decided against it. And to her disappointment things got back to the old normal, at least for the most part. She felt like Raul was a bit more comfortable around her and didn’t try so much to stay away, but it wasn’t like that day, and it still hunts her that she actually caught a small glimpse of what their relationship could be. But it was also taking its tool on him, that night he slept like a baby and allowed himself to daydream that this could’ve been their reality if things were a bit different.

He woke up that morning pretty early as usual, for his perimeter check, but only this time Y/N was sound asleep on his chest, and maybe he stalled a bit to enjoy her sweet scent a bit more before slowly peeling her off of him and gently laying her back down on the pillows. There was only a bit of resistance in form of a whine but she ended up pulling his pillow to her chest before settling down. It was harder than he thought leaving her on his bed as he quickly changed and jogged downstairs to go on his run, but maybe it was better like this, this way he could run and put his head at ease and actually come up with his next moves. So that’s what Raul did, but as soon as he was back on the house, already in two feet only, she was already wake and preparing something in the kitchen as she chatted with Peter.

Raul leaned on the doorway as he watched her, back on the clothes from last night, talking about her next college project as his brother sipped on his coffee mug, so he cleared his throat not to scare her as he walked in “good morning”

“Morning, Raul, can you keep her company as she eats her breakfast? I actually need to run to Sam’s house to pick up some stuff before he leaves for work” Peter asked, a knowing look on his face as Raul just shrugged it off “thanks, got to go, Y/N, good luck with that sheet!” his brother said before leaving the kitchen completely.

“Hi” she said, eyes trained on the eggs she was making as he stood beside her, his hip leaning on the kitchen counter “would you like some?”

“Sure” he said looking around the room “did you sleep well?”

Y/N’s body visibly stiffened as she cleared her throat before answering “yeah, thank you about last night, by the way”

Raul nodded before changing the subject and seeing her relax at that, knowing it was for the best, mentally deleting the speech he came up with. And that’s where the whole conversation died.

                                              -*-

Months later Raul found himself in an equally as hard situation.

Y/N was spending the weekend at the pack house that was a bit more empty than usual, since a few of the wolves (including Mike) decided to go on a little getaway to run from the cold that was arriving sooner than expected, and since her parents were out of town, his best friend asked if she could stay with them so Y/N wouldn’t be all by herself for four days during the possibility of a storm that was estimated for that weekend. And of course they couldn’t deny it, specially since she was very sweet and everyone loved her.

And tonight was the second night of her in the house and Raul was pacing back and forth on his room, probably about to open a hole on the floor from pacing too much, but he didn’t know what to do. She was downstairs on the living room working on some sort of paper for college and he decided he was going to bed, but as soon as he reached his room, the storm that was expected to happen finally arrived and he literally heard her heart rate speeding up exponentially, but didn’t know how to approach her or even if he should. However, when he heard her curse under her breath when a lightning lit up the whole house he knew he could not do nothing, so he opened the door to his room and basically ran down the stairs. 

As Raul reached the bottom of the stairs, he identified Y/N to be the little ball wrapped up in a fluffy  blanket in the middle of the couch. He took a deep breath before carefully walking towards her, he tried making enough noise so she wouldn’t get caught off guard but not enough to disturb her. But as soon as he reached the side of the couch she looked up at him with wide teared eyes from the little cocoon of blankets she was. Raul physically stopped himself from cooing at her and pulling her to his lap.

Y/N gave him a little sad laugh as she rubbed her eyes harshly “I’m sorry we always end up meeting like this, I must seem like an idiot, right?”

Raul shook his head sitting down beside her “You’re not an idiot, what’s making you so upset?”

She took a deep breath before answering “I guess I’m just tired, and this paper is a bit harder than I thought and I’m actually a bit afraid of storms, and this is all stupid and I-“

“Hey, it’s not stupid, it’s stressful and it’s okay, no one really like storms, they’re dangerous and pretty scary”

“Sure, when you’re five” she said playfully rolling her eyes as he chuckled softly.

“Oh, darling, you know that’s not true”

“Are you scared of storms?” she asked with an arched brow.

“No”

“See?”

Raul chuckled as he shook his head “you’re really something, aren’t you?”

Y/N shrugged as she saved the document before moving to the book she was using as reference “Why are you up if you’re not scared then?”

“You are”

Y/N turned her head in his direction “Oh, I didn’t mean to wake you up”

“You didn’t, I just knew you were afraid and decided to come check on you” he said already regretting admitting to it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t have to come though, I’m a big girl, I can take it”

Raul gave her his signature lopsided smile that she had only seen a few times directed to her, making her insides a bit toastier than before “I know you can, sweetheart, just didn’t want you to be alone if I could come down and try to help”

“Yeah, that’s the Alpha spirit, right?” and with that sentence Raul rested his head on the back of the sofa with a laugh. 

“Maybe” Raul turned his head to face her, deciding he was going to ignore the whole ‘pushing her away’ speech, at least for a moment “I was thinking that maybe we should make some hot chocolates if you want to finish this paper tonight”

“Are you serious?” Y/N had to confirm she wasn’t going mad and that he was actually willingly wanting to spend some time with her.

“Of course I’m serious, you can’t joke about stuff like this”

“What? Hot chocolate?” she asked holding back a laugh.

“Well obviously” he pushed himself up from the couch, relieved to see she seemed distracted enough to forget about the whole weather outside “I’m aces in the kitchen”

Raul offered her his hand and she smiled at him shaking her head before closing her computer and pushing it aside, taking his outstretched hand and letting him pull her up carefully “well, how did I just find that out?”

“Because I’m normally too tired and busy most of the time to actually make a meal”

She noticed he didn’t let go of her, and she wasn’t going to be the one to do it or point that out “oh yeah, being the Alpha and bossing everyone around must take a lot of your time and energy”

Raul chuckled as he walked her to the kitchen, letting go of her hand against his will in favor of grabbing the ingredients “Mike’s a bad influence, I bet his the one who told you that”

“You certainly didn’t, we barely talk at all” and as soon as the words left her mouth she regretted it. 

Raul was with his back facing her as he sorted through the stuff to prepare their drinks, and she was ready to start apologizing, afraid he was going to push her out all over again. Why did she have to go and say something like that? As much as the mood between them was playful, mostly cause he was trying to distract her and she knew it, but it was light and fun, she had to say such thing and ruin it. Sometimes things felt so natural with him that she just forgets that they aren’t that close. But before she could freak out and start spitting strings of ‘I’m sorry’ he did something Y/N wasn’t expecting. Raul started laughing out loud, turning to face her and she ended up laughing as well, maybe out of nervousness or out of relief, either way she laughed.

“I deserved that” he pointed out “but I guess that will have to change since you have such a distorted vision of the Alpha role”

“I wouldn’t particularly mind” she added softly, in hopes he wouldn’t pay much attention to it, but again, Raul was, apparently, a little box of surprises.

“Me neither, darling” he said before turning on the stove.

Y/N felt heat rising up her chest to her face and decided to clear her throat before changing subjects “Who taught you how to cook? Shawn’s a mess in the kitchen, Peter’s good but I know he took lessons”

“I guess I just learned from watching my mom, when I was little I used to spend a lot of my time in the kitchen with her whenever she was using it, my grandma too, and I guess I somehow absorbed that”

“Oh, they’re good?” Y/N took a tentative step closer to him, eager to learn about him and taking the opportunity of his sudden interest in spending time with her to milk all the information she could.

“My mom’s good, but my nan is just fantastic, she told me she used to sit on the counter by her father and watch him, and I guess I did the same”

“Well, I guess I’ll have to do the same cause my kitchen experience resumes to making toast, sandwiches and eggs” she said and he looked at her from the corner of his eye as if he was pondering.

“Then do it, I don’t mind a little audience” he said and she giggled, hoping on the counter beside where he stood. 

And that’s how they spent most of their night, with light chatter and a bit of healthy teasing going around and they were ecstatic about it. Y/N felt like she was finally able to relax after all the stress and she felt weirdly complete, almost as if before she was missing a piece. And Raul, he was over the fucking moon and already regretting keeping her away for that long, avoiding every type of contact with her and he was almost telling Mike to piss himself and ignoring all this stupid made up rules he made. He sat down by Y/N’s side as he helped her finish her paper and he was actually able to, finishing it in less than twenty minutes, so they just sat down side by side talking about random stuff, until he noticed she was starting to get sleepier and sleepier with every passing minute. 

“You should go to bed, sweetheart” he pointed as she was basically leaning her weight on his side, not that he minded, but they got really close really fast 

“Already trying to get rid of me?” she joked and he laughed despite being afraid that was something she actually believed in, and maybe that’s what drove him to ask her what he did next.

“Never, and if you’re still a bit nervous about the rain you can sleep in my room, I can always take the couch”

“I can’t kick you out of your bed” she said looking up at him

“You’re not kicking me out, I’m inviting you and offering to stay elsewhere”

Y/N shook her head “I don’t mind sharing if you do”

Raul didn’t expect it, but he also wasn’t mad about it “If you really don’t mind, then yeah”

“Okay, I’m ready for bed if you are” she said grabbing her stuff.

Raul nodded as he helped her to carry her school material up to his room, which he placed on top of his dresser before turning around to face her standing awkwardly in the middle of his bedroom.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Hmm, nothing I just-“ she mumbled as he chuckled.

Raul stopped by the end of his bed “I can still take the couch if you’re uncomfortable”

“It’s not that, you don’t make me uncomfortable” she said as she walked up to him “I don’t know what it is, I just feel safe around you, is it weird?”

Raul was not expecting it as he looked down at her “No, not at all, you can climb on the bed, darling” he offered as he did the same on his side.

She ended up taking up on his offer and laying down on the other side, pulling the covers up her body “you can be really sweet when you want to, you know?” she mumbled softly after a while, after the lights were already off and the only source of light in the room was coming from the lamp on his bedside table.

Raul said turning to face her, only to find Y/N already on her side facing him “Don’t think many think the same”

Y/N laughed and shook her head “guess you’re just good at pretending you’re this big bad Alpha when you’re just a big softie”

Raul laughed throwing his head back and she couldn’t stop herself from admiring the sound, his neck and his beautiful face, looking a lot more soft than normally.

“I really like your laugh” she blurted out before she could think. 

His laugh was cut short when he realized her words and he smiled at her “I like yours, wish I could hear it more often”

“Well, it’s not really hard to get me to laugh”

Raul smiled at her “yeah, hm- I wanted to apologize”

“For what?” she asked, genuine curiosity shining on her eyes.

“For being a dick to you, for such a long time, there’s not an excuse for that, as much as I tried to come up with one” he finally admitted running his hands through his curls. 

Y/N bit her lower lip as she looked at him “you’re never a dick to me, you’re a bit closed off, yeah, but never a dick, you never made me feel uncomfortable or anything like that, and ever since that night where you made it clear you didn’t dislike me, a few things started making more sense to me”

“Like what?” it was his turn to get confused.

She sighed heavily “I thought for a very long time you just hated my guts or didn’t want me near for being a human or an outsider, but then you said it wasn’t the case and you were so sweet to me that night, and the morning after, and ever since that day, even though you weren’t necessarily cuddling with me and being around me all the time, you were slowly opening up, spending more time around me when I was here and at first I was confused, but then yesterday I was talking to Peter and he may or may not have told me this was something to do with Mike”

“What?” Raul almost sat up, but he didn’t want her to stop talking, so he held back his impulse and just kept laying down.

“And I also talked to my mom about it, very recently, and she said my dad had a similar reaction to her when he found out they’re mates… I’m not implying anything, and I can be totally wrong about it, but I thought about it for a second and I swear it made sense, it explained why I felt so drawn to you since I first laid eyes on you” she admitted, coiling into herself a bit.

Raul was completely taken back, not knowing what to do or what to say, not expecting her to come into realization and not knowing how to proceed, that until she mumbled a soft “please say something, anything, just don’t shut me off again”

“No, darling, it’s not that, I’m sorry” he said reaching for her hand as grabbing it in his “I’m just speechless, I- you feel it too?”

“Is it true?”

“I- yes” he sighed in relief.

“You’re my mate?! Or I’m yours, I’m sorry, I don’t know how this works” she giggled nervously.

Raul couldn’t stop his smile to blossom on his lips as he nodded his head what felt like a thousand times “whatever you want, I don’t mind”

“So what does that mean now?” she said shuffling closer to him.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, I know your brother wouldn’t appreciate the idea and I don’t want to hurt you or cause any pain, darling, I just want what’s best for you” Raul said squeezing her hand gently.

“You could never hurt me, and I don’t honestly care about what Mike thinks right now” she said placing a hand on his chest “what do you want?”

“Honestly?” he asked and she nodded eagerly, which made him chuckle “you, in any way you’ll have me, but I also don’t want to rush you into anything, this works differently for me since I’m a wolf”

“Yeah, I know how sensitive you guys can be” she joked and he laughed, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead “but I want you, I feel the pull to have you near me almost as a need”

“I know, sweetheart, I feel the same way” Raul admitted pulling her closer by her waist “just don’t want to skip any steps with you, but I kept you away long enough”

Y/N nodded tipping her head back to look at his beautiful face better, their noses brushing due to the proximity “agreed, but I still want you close”

“We’re already close, darling” he breathed a chuckled and she shook her head.

“Are you afraid of kissing me? What are you? Twelve?” she teased and he laughed, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose.

“Of course not” he whispered leaning a bit closer.

“Then what’s taking you so long?”

“Bossy little thing” he teased one more time before closing the space between them in a gentle kiss.

Y/N tangled her fingers in his wild curls as he cupped her jaw carefully, afraid that if he squeezed her even a tiniest bit she was going to disappear. But his gentle touches soon turned into a bit more urgent ones and she pulled his hair, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. Raul tighten his hand on her waist, trapping her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling it to him softly before lessening the sting with a swipe of his tongue. And unfortunately Y/N had to pull away too soon for her liking due to her stupid lungs needing oxygen. Raul leaned in to press a bunch of soft, barely there, kisses all over her face. 

She giggled a bit breathlessly as she murmured “Mike will murder me when he finds out”

“Shh, we can worry about that when he’s back, he’ll have to get over it eventually”

Y/N giggled before leaning in for one more kiss.

“Okay, love, we really should sleep, and then tomorrow I can maybe take you on a date if you want” he said pressing a chaste kiss to her lips before resting his forehead on hers.

Y/N smiled up at him “Or we can have a little movie marathon here and you’ll make me dinner”

Raul laughed “you’re a mean one, you know that?”

“Why?”

“Because you know I can’t say no to you” he said and she smiled at him.

“Good boy, you’re such a good puppy” Y/N teased and he laughed.

Raul shook his head “okay, it’s definitely time for you to go to bed”

                                                -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[tom-holland-parker]

Stepdad ! Tom Holland x mom actress reader

Where they travel to Atlanta to go to sm 3 and maybe fans thinking Tom and zendaya are together and that starts an argument between reader and Tom but ending in fluff

Word count: 1335

Pairing: stepdad!Tom x actress mom reader

Note: sorry this took forever school had been kicking my ass

Masterlist

Being an actor and a mother at the same time meant you never really had the schedule for a dating life. That all changed when you met Tom. You were visiting some friends on the set of one of his movies and the second you locked eyes there was an instant connection. Flash forward two years later you and him and never been more in love. 

“Faye please don’t take your seatbelt off yet” You asked your 3 year old daughter as you tried to get her to calm down. She hated flying and it was always a hassle to get her to sit down on flights. You sighed in frustration but knew it would all be worth it once you saw Tom’s face. For the past 2 months he’s been stuck in Atlanta filming and while you understood his busy schedule you couldn’t help but feel sad when you couldn’t see him.

“Mommy are we going to see Tom” Faye looked up at you as you adjusted her messy hair from the long nap she took. “Yes sweetie we’re going to see Tom but it’s a surprise” 

“Ok” She smiled, turning her attention back to her stuffed animal. 

As you exited on to the platform you couldn’t help but smile thinking about the smile on Tom’s face when he sees you. You grabbed your daughter’s hand and walked toward Harrison, “I never thought I’d see the day where I missed your face” You joked as he pulled you in for a hug. 

“I wish I could say the same but I'm pretty sure I only missed the face of this little monster” He laughed picking up Faye in his arms. “Come on we don’t want to be late” You strapped your daughter in the car seat as Harrison put the bags in the trunk. 

An hour later you were pulling into the parking area of the set. Harrison parked the car before turning to you, “Your passes are in the glove compartment, Harry is waiting for you at the entrance of the trailer area, I’ll get Tom to come to his trailer where you’ll be waiting” 

You nodded your head grabbing the access passes before unbuckling the carseat. “Alright I’ll see you later” you waved Faye pulled away from your grip running towards Harry. 

“Harry” she shouted, jumping into his arms. He laughed pulling the toddler into a hug, “Hey kid I missed you” 

“Mommy says we're here to see Tom but it's a surprise so don’t tell anyone” she made a fake determined face as Harry picked her up, "ok my lips are sealed" he joked before looking at you, "how was the plane ride?"

"Pretty good Faye fell asleep for most of the ride so I was able to get some work done" you explained as you walked towards the empty trailer area. "Are they filming right now?"

"Yeah they should be stopping for lunch soon" he put the 3 year old down before pointing to the trailer a few feet away. "His trailer is right there I have to go check on something real quick but the door should be open" 

You nodded grabbing your daughters hand and making your way to the trailer. Only stopping when you heard two unfamiliar voices passing by, "Did you hear Tom is dating Zendaya. They're so cute together"

"I thought he was dating Y/N" a confused voice said 

"They must've broken up because Tom is getting super close to Zendaya. Since filming started they've spent a lot of time to-" you walked faster trying your best to distance yourself from the voices. 

You knew deep down that Tom would never cheat on you but the idea of him getting close to another girl really hurt you. You rushed into the trailer letting the toddler explore the area as you sat on the couch. You couldn't stop replaying the words in your head

Tom is getting super close to Zendaya

You took a deep breath trying to calm yourself down as the door to the trailer opened again. Tom walked into slowly not paying attention to whatever or whoever was inside. Instead all his attention was directed to Zendaya as she laughed at whatever he was saying.

"Tom" Faye shouted once she heard his voice. He looked around in shock, not at all expecting you two to be there.

"Omg Faye what are you doing here?" He smiled lifting your daughter into his hands pulling her in for a tight hug. Even though you were mad you couldn't help but smile at how happy Tom made her.

"Mommy bought me" she pointed to the couch you sat at letting go of Tom as he got up to move closer to you. "Hey baby" he pulled you in for a quick kiss before giving you a hug, "I wasn't expecting to see you" 

"Yeah it was a surprise I hope I'm not interrupting anything" you glanced at Zendaya who was staring awkwardly between you and Tom. 

"Not at all Z just had to pick up her charge that she let me borrow" he grabbed the charge for the nearby table and handed it to her, "Z this is my girlfriend Y/N and my step daughter Faye" 

You smiled again when Tom said step daughter. Even though Faye hadn't called Tom dad yet he still loved Faye like she was his own. "Hi it's really nice to meet you" you stood up and shook her hand 

"Oh please I'm glad I can meet the people Tom won't stop talking about" she chuckled, "but we'll have to chat another time because I have a lunch date with some friends" she waved goodbye as she walked out the trailer. You sighed sitting back on the couch. 

"What's wrong?" Tom asked, noticing your sad mood. You debated if you wanted to tell him. After all it was probably stupid but there was a small part of you that couldn't help but feel jealous at the idea of Tom getting super close with other girls.

"I just heard something stupid and I'm just overthinking again" you shook your head, putting on netflix before handing your phone to your daughter. If you were going to talk about this you didn't want her to hear it. 

"Are you going to tell me what you heard?" He grabbed your hand rubbing small circles with his thumb. You sighed, "are you planning on leaving me for Zendaya?" 

"What? Why would you even think that?" He sounded shocked that you would say such a thing. You were sure if there roles were reversed you'd act the same way. 

"I just heard some people talking about how you and her have gotten super close and I know it sounds crazy but I can't help but feel jealous" you explained trying to keep your voice as normal as possible

He let out a loud laugh, "babe what?"

You closed your eyes feeling your face heat up in embarrassment, "I know its stupid but I need to hear you say it or else it'll stay on my mind" 

He sighed moving your chin so you would face him, "you're the only girl for me. Zendaya is just a friend and will never be anything more. I love you and I love your daughter and I would never do anything to hurt you guys" 

You sighed in relief as you nodded your head. He smiled, placing a small kiss on your nose, "All better?"

"Yes I'm sorry it was stupid of me" Tom shook his head before kissing your lips, "you should never apologize for having emotions. Now I know you must be starving so let's go get lunch and then we can go meet the cast" 

You nodded, grabbing the phone from your daughter as you all made your way out the trailer, "I love you" you said as you grabbed Tom's hand 

"I love you too"  he smiled giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

[sunaswife]

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

note from denise: hi!! <3 this is a small chapter but i think an important one nonetheless :) i hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter Nine

“Is there anything you want for breakfast?” You asked Rin as you looked through your closet. He was laying back in bed under the covers, typical Rin. “No don’t bother making anything. I wanna treat you guys to breakfast.” He rubbed his eyes and you turned. “You don’t have to.” You immediately told him. “No i want to.” He assured and you smiled lightly. “Alright thank you.” You said softly and you grabbed your black overall skirt, white long sleeve and your favorite leggings.

“If you want you can wake up the kids.” You said before heading into the bathroom. He sat up and groaned and slowly made his way to their room. He opened the door and saw the two little foxes slide something under the bed. He tilted his head confused and they innocently looked up at him. “Good morning daddy.” They recited which honestly gave him the chills. Twins who could recite things at the same time are creepy. “Good morning. Now what were you guys hiding just now?” He asked with a raised brow. “Nothing—“ Akira innocently smiled. Even though these kids looked like Rin, they certainly had Y/N’s expressions. And that adorable smile that Suna has missed.

“You guys already know that lying is bad. Show me what you’re hiding?” He asked and sat on the floor across from them. Rini guiltily frowned and he reached under the bed to retrieve a box. It was an old shoe box. “A box? What? is it just an animal or something?” Rin asked and the kids shook their heads. Akira handed him the box and he opened it. The first thing he saw was a Polaroid of you and him. He felt a slap across his face. You smiled so bright and Rin had his deadpanned face like always. The photo behind the Polaroid was with you in between the twins. They were using your shoulders as an arm rest, each photo made his stomach turn and he saw napkins and tickets, you always wrote the date and a little heart with a note when Rin would take you to places.

“You and mommy looked so happy. Why did you guys leave eachother. I don’t get it.” Akira asked. “You won’t get it until you’re older.” Rin said and began to put everything back before he started crying. “Do you still love mommy?” Rini asked, Rin felt like he was in the hot seat.

They kept their eyes fixated on him. “Of course I do, she’s an amazing friend. She’s the mother of my children.” Rin started. “No not that kind of love...like love love. Like do you wanna marry her?” Akira asked but his phone rang and he saw the FaceTime call from his mother.

His face turned white and he immediately stood up and answered. “H-hi mom..” Rin cleared his throat and the twins gasped. “Grandma?!” They practically yelled. “Rintarou, are you babysitting or something?” His mother asked. “Um no I’m not—“ “Daddy Can we see grandma? We don’t have a grandma we wanna see our grandma!” Rini pulled the hem of his shirt and he looked down. “Daddy? Rintarou they’re not talking about you right?” His mother asked concerned. “Give me a sec...” he told the kids. “Start picking out your clothes.” He said and they quickly nodded and he went straight to the living room. He sighed and rested his hand on his forehead. “Rintarou talk to me. What’s going on? Did you get someone pregnant?” His mom asked. “Yes—no—it’s complicated I—“ “Rintarou it’s either a yes or a no.” His mom said.

Is this deja vu?

“Alright I’ll be honest. Yes I got a girl pregnant.” He sighed and brushed his hair back with his hand. His mom immediately changed her face to one of disappointment. She wasn’t expecting this when she called her son to ask when he was going to visit again.

“Rintaoru explain.” His moms tone completely changed and he gulped, he didn’t hear you coming from the hall. “Well..remember Y/N? My highschool girlfriend?” He asked. “The girl who’s the reason you were severely depressed and almost suicidal? Yeah how could I forget?” She replied sarcastically and you froze.

Wait...what?

“Well before we broke up we kind of..ya know and so she left and she didn’t tell me about them—“ “SHE DID WHAT?! Where is she I want to talk to her!” His mom raised her voice. “Rin I-“ you spoke up and he turned quickly to see you standing there in your cute outfit.

“Y/N, i need to speak with you.” His mother broke the silence and Rin was about to protest but you snatched his phone away. “Hello Mrs. Suna.” You said awkwardly but she had the same deadpanned expression your ex and kids have. “Why didn’t you tell my idiot son you were pregnant?” She demanded rather than ask. “Well it was because I was heartbroken, alone, and going through something traumatic. My parents kicked me out and I didn’t want Rin to have to drop out to help me support two children.” You said. “Two—“ “I had twins.” You interrupted. “How do you know they’re my sons—“ “He’s the only person I’ve ever slept with and they look exactly like him, ma’am. I assure you they’re his.” You replied.

“I don’t believe you not telling Rin you were pregnant because of your situation is an excuse.” She said. “I know. But I wanted to wait until Rin was more mature—“ “And had money and fame as a pro player right? So you could get money?” She asked and both of your and Rin’s eyes widened. “Excuse me. I’m doing more than fine on my own and I have not asked Rin for anything.”

“What do you do for a living?” She asked as if trying to prove you wrong, “I’m a sports commentator, voice actress and Internet personality. I have my own house and car so don’t you dare accuse me of wanted to take money from Rintarou because I will never ask him for anything then to be in the kids lives—“

“Okay that’s enough—mom please stop. We still have a lot of things to talk about regarding the kids and co-parenting. I need to go, we’re taking them on a field trip.” He said after taking the phone away. “When are you guys both free?” His mother asked. “As a single mother I can assure you that I’m never free.” You replied sassily. “I’m free in two weeks—“ Rin interrupted again before another fight started. “..me too..” you replied after checking your calender on the wall.

“Okay, I want you both in Hyogo with the kids. We need to chat.” She said and hung up. You and Rin just looked at eachother and blinked in shock. Like...did that just happen? The kids peered over the hallway doorpost and frowned. They wanted to meet their grandma.

“We’ll talk later.” You told him and he nodded. You turned back down the hall and mumbled something about getting the kids ready for today. Suna changed back into his clothes from yesterday and when the kids look all presentable and cute you all left.

“I should have know.” You said as you looked at the bright sign that said Onigiri Miya. Rin helped Akira out of the car seat and he chuckled. “Osamu’s food is bomb and you know it. I get a best friend discount either way.” He shrugged as you held Rini’s hand and Rin held Akiras hand and you both walked to the shop.

“Hmm? What a surprise!” Osamu spoke up when the bell chimed. “Good morning uncle Samu!” The kids giggled and let go to run to the counter. “How are my favorite munchkins?” He asked as they smiled and looked at the pictured food in amazement.

They act like you never feed them and when you do they just eat two bites and they’re “full”.

“Sup.” “Yo.” Suna and Osamu greeted. “Good morning Osamu.” You said politely and he smiled. “Good morning Y/N.” He replied. “When Suna didn’t come back last night I got a bit worried and he didn’t answer my texts till this morning but I’m glad he was with you.” Osamu said and you didn’t see Suna’s small blush. “Oh well the kids really wanted him to sleep over so he reluctantly agreed and we just called it a night.” You chuckled and he nodded. In the car, Suna told you his situation. He’s currently being transferred over to Tokyo in a different team and his lease ended so instead of getting another lease he moved out and he’s crashing with Osamu for a bit.

While you both talked you couldn’t see the look your kids were giving eachother. The opportunity was perfect and they’re going to take full advantage of it.

Finally you and Rin decided on what to order as well as the kids and you all sat down patiently. Rin was showing the kids pictures of his dog, Chewy. It was short for Chewbacca and you sighed at how much of a nerd Suna really is. But yet again that was another thing you guys bonded over back then.

Soon the food arrived and the kids loved it, you loved it. Rin obviously loved it. It was just so freaking good. “How much was the food again? So I can pay half.” You asked after wiping your mouth and Suna frowned. “I told you I got it.” He flicked your forehead and you smacked his hand. “Oww.” You whined. “It’s free cuz you demanded that I give you free food when I opened my restaurant, remember?” Osamu spoke up from the counter and you squinted. “But—“ “No if’s, but’s, or coconuts. I’m not charging Rin today.” Osamu said and you told him a small thank you.

“Y/N the ticket booth is this way..” Rin pointed out as you walked to the gates. “I came prepared.” You said and pulled out the QR code’s on your phone. “Mama still gets nervous talking to strangers sometimes so she usually is prepared.” It didn’t take long for everyone to go through the gates and Rin realized you have to had payed for his ticket.

He kept bugging throughout the day that he could pay for everyone instead but you smacked his arm and pointed at your kids in the distance. They were at the kids section where they could touch starfish and Akira was obviously a little bit nervous. But Rini was there guiding her hand and making sure she was using the two fingers to pet the animals.

“Rini may be a bit of an airhead but he always remembers that he’s a big brother and he’s always there for Akira when she’s nervous or scared..” you told him and his heart melted. They were just so cute. “Um..excuse me..Suna Rintarou...hi I’m a big fan and I was wondering if I can take a photo or get an autograph..” a small voice said and you turned to see a teenage boy.

“Sure dude.” Suna smiled softly and the guy took out his phone for a selfie, “I can take the picture.” You spoke up and the teenager gasped.” “Kageyama Y/N! Oh my god, are you really cousins with Tobio? Or do you just happen to have the same last name? I love listening to your podcasts and the yandere video game that your in is amazing!” He began to geek out and you laughed. “Yeah Tobio and I are cousins, and thanks for the support! You’re a man of culture I see.” You joked.

There was a slight pause of realization with him and he gasped. “Oh..am I interrupting your date?” He asked and looked between you both.

“Yes.”

“No.”

He tilted his head confused and you held Rin’s hand and hugged his arm. Your chest practically engulfed his arm and he almost had a nose bleed. “We went to the same highschool together so we’re catching up with a small date.” You said causing Suna’s face to turn bright red. The boy apologized for bothering and he took a selfie with you both and left.

You quickly let go and you put some distance between you both. Suna began fanning his face and you tried to hide your blush. Out of everything you could do, why would you do that?!

“I don’t know if you wanna tell the world that you have two kids or that you got some chick pregnant in highschool.” You told him. “You weren’t some chick, and I honestly don’t care if people know.” He said and you sighed and turned back to your kids. “But if you’re gonna keep doing that then it’s fine.” He said and you turned back to see him covering his mouth in shock. “I said that out loud didn’t I?” He asked and you nodded.

This was going to be a long day.

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime691 @tpwkatsumu @ohshirabu @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

[farfromsugafanfic]

Sutures - Chapter Five: Murmurs

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): mentions of family illness, a disgusting amount of fluff

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

"Sumi!" Jungkook called. "Can you do us a favor?" 

Jungkook and Jimin stood outside your door. You could tell they were up to something based on the smirk on their faces. 

You had been quietly knitting, trying to forget the events of earlier that day with Minki and what happened in the backseat with Yoongi. You still felt Yoongi's lips on your stomach, soft, yet, demanding. He hadn't managed to leave any marks this time, which you were grateful for, but part of you wished you could have a reminder of the secret between you. 

"What?" you asked.

"Yoongi was going to wake up at four to help us with the production on the new song. And it's almost four thirty now. Can you wake him up for us?"

You glanced at the two boys who while they seemed mischievous, seemed genuinely like they didn't want the task of having to wake up Yoongi. 

"Why can't you do it?" you asked, putting aside the hat you were currently working on. 

"He'll be nicer to you," Jungkook said. "He's grumpy when he wakes up." 

You laughed slightly. "All right, fine."

You followed the two boys towards Yoongi's bedroom. You hadn't stepped foot in his bedroom yet, having only been in his studio. You opened the door slowly and tiptoed towards the bed where the boy's form was curled up asleep. Despite being taller than you, when he slept he made himself look so small, his knees curled up towards his chest and his arms around a pillow. 

"Yoongi," you said, lightly shaking his shoulder. "The boys said you wanted to get up at four. It's four thirty." 

You hear an annoyed groan and before you could protest, Yoongi dropped the pillow and pulled you onto the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. He rested his chin on your shoulder and you felt the soft scratch of his barely there facial hair. 

"Sleep with me," he whispered, his hot breath tickling your ear. 

You reached up to the pillow above you and threw it back towards him, hearing it hit with a solid thud. 

"Fuck you." You attempted to squirm from his grasp, your legs kicking the covers and his legs. Yet, he never loosened his grip. 

"Already have," he whispered, his voice husky. You felt his smirk against your shoulder blades and for a moment you thought he would begin kissing you again. But, as you reached for another pillow, his arms released from around you. 

You got up from the bed and walked out of his room, his scent clinging to your clothes. You stopped to glance at Jungkook and Jimin who stood by the door, wide eyed at what they witnessed. You could only imagine what it looked like to them: Yoongi pulling you onto the bed and kissing you as you playfully tried to push him away. 

"I see why no one likes waking him up."

The two boys awkwardly nodded and walked into Yoongi's bedroom, shutting the door behind them. 

You couldn't help but laugh slightly at the boy's assumptions before walking back towards your bedroom at the end of the hall. 

---

You hadn't spoken to your parents since before the night you and Yoongi met. You didn't call much due to the long distance charges to the US, but you figured you needed to update them about everything. 

"Hello?" your mom answered the phone. "Sumi?"

"Hi mom," you said. "How's everything?"

"Good, busy as always. But, don't worry about us, how is my daughter?"

"Well, there's a lot that's happened since I talked to you last." 

You explained the situation, careful not to tell your mom too much. You knew if you explained that you'd had a one night stand your mom would be disappointed and scold you. Despite being an ocean away in California, your mother still managed to make you feel like you were a fifteen-year-old again who got caught sneaking out. 

"Oh, I'm so happy you finally got rid of Minki," your mother said. "I never liked him. And I can't wait to meet this soulmate of yours, what did you say his name was again?"

---

"Min Yoongi," Yoongi heard as he walked towards your room on the way to the bathroom. He stopped, noticing the small crack in your door. He wondered if you had managed to see him in the hallway, but as he approached he noticed that you were pacing around your room. 

"No, mom, don't Google..." You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose. "I get it, mom," you said laughing. "He's cute." 

You didn't talk for a moment, but you cutely chewed on your bottom lip which made Yoongi want to replace your teeth with his own. He pushed back the thought as you spoke again. 

"Well, we all agreed it would be best for me to move in with his band so that his career wouldn't be affected and I could continue working online or once things get better do in-person sessions."

You went silent again. Yoongi couldn't hear what your mother was saying because she was speaking so quickly. 

"I know, mom," you said. "I'll be careful. The only trouble we've had has been with Minki. His fans don't know."

Yoongi's stomach turned. Guilt.

"At first, I wanted to go along with what the doctor's said and do the relationship, but I'm glad we didn't now. It may be harder for a while, but we barely knew each other and asking one another to put in effort to a relationship neither one of us wanted didn't make sense." 

Despite your words being Yoongi's rationale, they felt so harsh coming from your mouth. He was glad the arrangement had become easier for you, but there was part of him that felt disappointed. 

---

"How's grandma?" you asked, once your mom had finally calmed down about Yoongi. She had taken it better than you expected her to, however, you were slightly worried she was expecting grandchildren any day. 

"Good," your mom answered. "The doctors say her treatment is going well. As they say, no news is good news." 

You sigh, wishing you could be in the US with your family, but you stayed behind to go to school and by the time you finished, you already had a life you didn't want to leave in Korea. You visited as often as you and your parents could afford, but that was normally only at the holidays. 

You had no siblings and many of your parent's siblings were also in the US or in Busan. Seoul was a lonely city, but you made it work.

"All right, well take care of her and yourself, okay, mom? And tell dad I miss him."

You ended the call after you both said your goodbyes. You sighed in relief at having finally explained the situation to your family, but you couldn't help the worry that formed in your stomach. You were normally able to suppress the constant worry about your grandmother, but every time you talked to your mom it always seemed to worsen.

---

Yoongi stepped away from your door once you hung up, so he wouldn't be discovered. He felt a small pang of guilt from eavesdropping, but your door was open and you had been talking about him. He pushed it away, knowing it really didn't matter. 

He walked back to his studio and sat down at his desk, Jungkook and Jimin listening to their vocals. He wondered what was up with your grandma, while it didn't seem out of place to ask how she was doing, the way your brow had furled and the way you chewed your lip nervously made him think that there was something else going on. 

"Yoongi?" Jimin asked, taking off his headphones. "Everything okay?"

Yoongi shook himself out of it. 

"Yeah," he said. "Sorry, not awake yet." 

---

"Sumi," Namjoon said, knocking politely on your bedroom door. "Do you want to come and help me work out some lyrics?"

You looked at the leader in somewhat disbelief, your eyes wide and your lips pursed. 

"Me?" you asked. "Wouldn't one of the boys be better?"

"Maybe," he said. "But, it's not often we get a perspective of someone outside of the industry, and you've been in your room since you got back. I know it was tough to face your ex and thought you might like some company." 

You smiled, Namjoon was so perceptive, you wondered if he could read your mind. You realized how much easier it would be if you were his soulmate instead of Yoongi's. Namjoon understood you and always seemed to know how to make you feel better. 

"You can bring your project with you," he said, leaving towards his studio and leaving the door open for you. 

You followed the leader to his studio, which had fewer obstacles to enter than Yoongi's. Although, once you entered it was largely similar. A simple design with a few decorations and various awards hung on the wall.

He pulled up a chair beside him and motioned for you to sit down beside him. You sat down and looked over all the equipment on his desk. A normal desktop with multiple monitors, other things you didn't recognize, like a machine with various knobs and switches, and a microphone. 

You remembered seeing most of the same equipment in Yoongi's studio, except he had a keyboard he kept in the center of everything. The black and white keys almost taking over the room. 

Namjoon opened up a notebook with various notes in it. You even noticed a few notes in English, making you smile and remember that the two of you shared the language in common. 

"How'd you get into music?" you asked in English. 

"I always liked music," he said, also responding in English. "I read a lot and eventually it translated into writing. I don't know, it all just kind of happened naturally."

You smiled, noting the way his face lit up as he talked about his passion, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. 

"I understand," you said. "I always liked to teach people when they learned that I speak English. I should've charged when I was in high school for all the tutoring I did, but I enjoyed it enough that I didn't care." 

"What about knitting?" he asked. 

"I was always crafty," you said, laughing. "Whenever I visited my grandmother in the US, she always had a knitting project and she talked about how it calmed her, made her realize she had more control over her fate than she believed. She used to tell me stories about the Fates in Greek mythology and how knitting made her feel like one." You looked down at your project--a black hat. "So, whenever I feel out of control, I knit. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm making until it's finished." 

You quickly bound off the yarn and slapped the finished hat on Namjoon's head, giggling. You expected him to take it off immediately and hand it back, but instead, he used the nearest computer monitor to adjust it so it sat over his hair attractively. 

"It looks nice," you said. 

---

The two of you worked in comfortable silence, the hat you made still sitting on Namjoon's dyed hair. You'd started a new hat with the same black yarn. You wondered if he had a girlfriend to give it to. You and Minki always used to wear matching hats or scarfs or gloves. He took whatever you made him wholeheartedly. They were probably still sitting in the top drawer of his dresser. You wished you could unravel the yarn and turn them back into a tangled ball of string. 

Namjoon would occasionally run a line past you or hum a melody without realizing. You even found yourself humming the same melody back to him and when you did, he always shot you a small smile. 

"Let's see what fans think of my new hat," he said, taking a selfie with his phone. 

"Wait! Don't post that! Won't they think you have a girlfriend or something?"

He gave you an odd look before looking down at the picture. 

"Does Yoongi have you that paranoid? If anyone questions it, I'll just say a fan made it," he said. "Not exactly a lie." 

Your shoulders slumped realizing the easy solution. It was true that since the shoe incident, you were scared to be visible in the boys' lives. Their careers meant more to them than it did to you. You could be an English tutor nearly anywhere and no one could take knitting from you, but their music could be taken from them. You didn't want to be the reason they lost their passions.

"Come on," he said. "I have to go run this past Yoongi. You're welcome to come along." 

You followed Namjoon to Yoongi's studio, taking your yarn and knitting needles with you. Namjoon rang the doorbell to Yoongi's studio and you had to stop yourself from laughing at the ritual of it all.

Yoongi came and opened the door. He greeted Namjoon and while he seemed slightly surprised to see you, held the door open to you. 

"She's great to bounce lyrics off," Namjoon said. "Surprised you haven't picked up on that yet." 

You sat down on the couch in the back of the studio while the two boys discussed the lyrics and the song. You took the opportunity to go on Twitter, seeing the picture of Namjoon in the hat. All of the fans complimented him, telling him he looked cute and demanding he go to bed because it was late. You smiled, hoping that if the fans ever found out about you, they would have similar reactions.

You went back to knitting, but couldn't help and look up when you heard the sound of the piano. Yoongi was playing the melody Namjoon had been humming earlier and you were impressed by his ability to translate the hums into notes so quickly. 

His fingers slide over the keys naturally--the keys an extension of his fingers--much like the needles you held. Yoongi was serious, but unlike his normal seriousness which was grumpy or sexy (depending on the day), this time he was focused. His lips slightly pouted and his body relaxed. 

Music for him was the knitting to you. It was the creation that helped you escape yourself to feel the smoothness of the keys or the needles beneath your fingers and trust that something beautiful would come from it.

---

You had fallen asleep by the time Yoongi and Namjoon had finished; still occasionally moving your fingers, trying to knit in your sleep. Yoongi smiled, remembering the times he woke up in the studio seeing the notes he'd unknowingly composed while he was asleep.

"Do you want me to wake her up?" Namjoon asked. 

"No," Yoongi said, shaking his head. "Let's not disturb her." 

Namjoon nodded, grabbing his notebook and leaving the room. He closed the door softly so he wouldn't wake you. 

Yoongi looked down at your sleeping form. It seemed he'd seen you sleeping nearly as much as he'd seen you awake since the first time you met. The night you spent together, you'd fallen asleep first, cuddling into his side. Normally, he wasn't the cuddling type, at least not with a girl he'd just met, but seeing the lipstick smeared across your pouty lips and your tangled hair spread out across the pillow, he hadn't been able to resist. 

He grabbed your knitting needles and yarn, setting them on the edge of his desk, within your sight so you could easily find them in the morning. It wasn't the first time he'd moved your knitting needles, for something you loved so much, you often left them laying around. Yoongi opened the bottom drawer of his desk where he kept a blanket for when his studio was cold or when he fell asleep while working. 

He covered your form before shutting off the light and leaving the room quietly.

[davidpastrsnack]

three times brady stayed quiet, one time he didn’t - brady tkachuk

a/n: i have such a soft spot for brady and this is the result. some really soft friends to lovers, but i also left the possibility for a smuttier part 2 if you guys are interested. i hope you enjoy (especially my fellow brady girls) and please let me know what you think!

word count: 5618

one 

After just barely getting through your final assignments of the last grueling week of school, it was finally time for the best part of the year: summer with the Tkachuks. Your dad grew up with Keith outside of Boston, the two maintaining a close relationship despite the distance that kept them apart for so long. For as long as you could remember, you and your siblings had spent the majority of the summer months with them, either on the lakes of Missouri or the oceans of Cape Cod. 

The busy hum of voices and speakers was all you heard, your tired body dragging through the airport, iced coffee in hand hoping it would give you even just another ounce of energy. You finally reached your gate, sitting down on the cool leather seat to wait for your boarding call. 

Your siblings were already in St. Louis, having finished school before you, and you were the last one to arrive before the commencing weekend of the summer. You knew you were in for a wild ride if the Snapchat stories of your older brother and Matthew getting up to no good were any indication.  

Just as you adjusted your headphones and felt your eyelids flutter shut, your phone buzzed, pulling you from your daze. 

Brady: I got held up here for another day, but should be there tomorrow

Brady: Don’t miss me too much 

You rolled your eyes at the screen, laughing as you saw his words and your brain automatically translated them into his voice. You considered all of the Tkachuks to be like family,  but Brady was different, he always had been. Since day one he was constantly looking out for you, even more so than Matthew and your brother. He always had an eye on you, that eye becoming more and more threatening to everyone else as he grew into his now 6’4”, 200lbs frame. 

Don’t worry, I’ll have Matthew to keep me company :)

You smiled as you typed out your response, throwing back exactly what he had dished out. You couldn’t deny that your relationship had become more flirtatious over the recent years, but you always assumed it was just the teasing nature of the Tkachuk household. If he was going to chirp you, you were going to chirp right back. But the banter had always flowed seamlessly, both of you knowing the other so well. You weren’t always clear on the motivation behind some of his comments, but it didn’t hurt to have a little fun with him. 

You finally boarded the plane, your flight not taking long before you were stepping out in the thick Missouri air. To say you were exhausted was an understatement, your eyes barely staying open as you searched for the black Audi you knew would be arriving any minutes. Just a few moments later you saw the luxury sedan turn the corner, a brown mop of curls sitting behind the wheel. 

“There she is,” Matthew yelled, pulling you in for a hug after stepping out of the front seat. 

“Hi Matthew,” you hummed, “Thanks for getting me.”

“Of course, Y/N, anything for my future sister-in-law,” he teased, that cocky smirk on full display while he grabbed your suitcase. 

You didn’t even acknowledge his comment, moving right along to get in the car and ask him how his season was. You were far from a stranger to his jokes, but you were not in the mood today and he seemed to pick up on it. So he gave it up for the ride, instead catching up on how you were doing otherwise since he had last seen you. All jokes aside, Matthew truly cared for you like family, especially considering he was dead serious about you eventually being his sister-in-law. 

After stopping for food on the way, you finally arrived at the house, Matthew pulling into the lit driveway as you took off your seatbelt. Chantal was waiting by the front door, immediately giving you a tight hug when you walked in. She was basically your second mother, always taking care of you as if you were one of her own. 

“Y/N! How are you, sweetie?” she exclaimed, urging you to follow her into the kitchen. 

“I’m good,” you responded while sitting down at the counter next to Matthew. 

“She’s exhausted mom,” Matthew deadpanned before you could continue. 

You rolled your eyes at his words, a smile growing on your lips as you quickly fell back into the comfort of this home. 

“I’m okay, really,” you assured Chantal. 

“Oh honey, come on,” she grabbed your backpack and gestured for you to follow her upstairs. “All of the guestrooms are full right now with Matthew’s friends but they’re leaving tonight. Just go ahead into Brady’s room, I’m sure he told you he’s still in Ottawa until tomorrow.”

You nodded, “Yeah, he did.”

She led you down the hall, as if you didn’t know exactly where you were going, and opened the door to his room. The same hockey memorabilia was scattered across the walls and the closet was slightly open, the clothes he left here during the season poking out. 

“Just relax in here, sweetie. The sheets are clean and there are towels in the bathroom. I’ll check in with you in a little bit, okay?”

“Thank you so much,” you smiled, pulling her in for another hug before she headed back downstairs.  

No matter how much time you had spent in this room, something about being in there without Brady felt wrong. But the exhaustion of the travel day and the past week didn’t let you think about it too much, instead telling you to go take a shower and change into fresh clothes. You didn’t mean for it to happen, but the second you laid across the bed you were down for the count. 

-----

When Brady opened his door after arriving home the next morning, his jaw nearly hit the floor. Chantal told him that you were in there, but there was no preparing himself for the sight in front of him. You were still fast asleep, but the covers were mostly thrown off your body. He smiled to himself as he remembered that you always get too hot while you sleep. The oversized t-shirt you were wearing was bunched at your waist, your tiny sleep shorts riding up your hips giving him the perfect view of your ass. Your head was nuzzled into his pillow, your hands resting in front of you as if you should be holding someone and your lips pouted as you slept. He had seen you asleep countless times before, but something about you being in his bed waiting for him like this was taking his breath away today. He thought about what it would be like if things were different. He could slide under the covers behind you, slip his rough hands around the soft skin of your waist, kiss your collarbone and neck as you giggled in his grasp, moving one of his hands lower and lower until-

“Fuck,” he mumbled, losing grip of his phone as he was distracted by his awe of you, the metal slipping out of his hand and falling against the hardwood floor. He scrambled to grab it without dropping his bags or waking you up. But it was too late, your sleeping frame stirred at the sudden noise, lifting your head to see what it was. 

“Brady?” you questioned, your voice laced with sleep and your eyes squinting as they adjusted to the morning light pouring through the windows. 

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry I just- mom told me you were in here,” he spoke, afraid it looked like he had just been staring at you, which of course he had been. 

“Don’t be sorry Brades, it’s your room,” you laughed as you sat up, adjusting your shirt when you realized how exposed you were. 

He laughed too, trying to shake off whatever awkwardness had infected him this morning and not let his eyes trail down your frame. 

“Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come give me a hug?” you grinned. 

Brady shook his head smiling as he made his way towards you, sitting on the edge of the mattress and pulling you in. His body relaxed as you wrapped yourself around him, your touch and scent overwhelming his senses. 

You could feel the tension leaving his shoulders as your hands traced the curls at the base of his neck, “You okay?” you whispered. 

He pulled back at your words, piercing blue eyes meeting yours. “I’m fine,” he paused, wondering if he should come clean about everything right now. But he decided it wasn’t worth freaking you out on day one of the summer, “I just missed you, that’s all.”

A soft smile crept on your lips, hearing him say that he missed you as much as you missed him warming your heart. 

“Come on, I’m hungry,” you said as you grabbed his hand, a playful scoff leaving his mouth as he trailed behind you towards the stairs, the energy between the two of you starting to return to normal. 

two

After everyone had finally arrived and settled in, it was time for the first house party of the season. The mere thought of this moment had given you the motivation to finish your exams, so it went without saying that you could not be more excited. Keith and Chantal were out of town for the weekend, putting Matthew in charge of making sure everyone stayed safe. You were finishing getting ready in one of the guest rooms, which you had almost moved into for the summer after the one night in Brady’s. You went for a simple outfit, a white top with jeans and sneakers before heading downstairs to join the growing crowd. 

You were surrounded by faces as soon as you made your way down, some familiar and some not. Your eyes scanned the room for your friends, knowing your close friend Emily had already arrived. You finally found her standing in one of the corners and you turned to go meet them. 

“Long time no see,” you beamed when you arrived at their circle, the girls jumping to hug you as they saw you for the first time since last August. It was great to catch up with everyone, but you quickly realized that you forgot to get a drink. 

“Em, I’m gonna go grab a drink,” you spoke to which she nodded. 

“I’ll come with,” she urged, reaching for your hand as you both walked towards the kitchen. 

“So you look hot tonight,” she grinned, speaking in your ear so you could hear over the music. “I bet he finally makes his move later.”

“Who?” you challenged, but she didn’t need to say another word for you to know who she was talking about. 

“Y/N, please just save it,” Emily rolled her eyes, “Look, he’s already drooling over you,” she gestured towards where Brady was sitting around a table with Matthew and some of their old friends from hockey. She was right, he was looking right at you, waving when you made eye contact. You gave a small wave back before quickly turning your body away from him to face Emily. 

“He always watches me at parties,” you reasoned. 

“Yeah, because he’s in love with you,” she scoffed, pouring two drinks into red solo cups. 

“Because he’s a good guy, Emily,” you rebutted before taking a far too large sip of whatever she made. 

Meanwhile, across the room, Brady was facing the same kind of comments from his friends. As soon as he saw you cross the room with Emily he couldn’t peel his eyes away. You were practically glowing, your smile wide as the stress from the school year finally seemed to disappear from your mind. 

“Really Tkachuk?” he heard from next to him, his head snapping away from you to look at the voice. 

“What?” he questioned, his challenge laced with attitude. 

“Y/N? Still?” his friend Jack responded. 

Brady just shook his head in annoyance. He didn’t have the energy for this conversation tonight. 

“As long as the sky is blue, Brady will be falling at the feet of Y/N,” Matthew chimed in, a smirk gracing his lips as he hid behind his solo cup. 

Brady maintained his silence, hoping they would get bored and move on, but not so fast. 

“So you aren’t hitting it?”

He thought he was mad before, but nothing compared to the pure anger Brady felt at this comment. It was Nick, a kid he had never liked through all the years they played together in St. Louis. He was fuming, Matthew swore he could see smoke coming out of his ears as he waited for his brother's response, getting ready to step in if necessary. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Nick?” Brady started, turning his body towards him and sitting up straight. “Am I hitting it? You’re talking about my childhood best friend, show some fucking respect.”

Nick looked stunned, his eyes wide as Brady glared at him. “Dude, I-,”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, moving to stand up so he towered over him. “You wanna know why no girl will ever come within ten feet of you? It’s because of shit like this, Nick. You’re a complete asshole and you don’t deserve a thing from any woman,” he scolded. 

By this point, Brady had drawn the attention of many, nearly all of the guests staring at the commotion, including you. 

Your face dropped as you saw him yelling, concern written all over your face as your brows furrowed in his direction. He finally seemed to calm down, his eyes looking defeated as they locked with yours. With one more look at Nick, he shook his head in disgust before walking towards the back of the house, the door slamming shut behind him. 

The room was nearly silent, everyone looking at each other to see if they knew what just happened. 

“Everything’s fine guys,” Matthew urged, the party resuming at his words. Your eyes met his and before you could even make it over to ask what that was he was gesturing towards the door for you to follow Brady. 

You nodded, discarding your drink on the counter and rushing to him. You slowly opened the backdoor, searching for his blond curls. You quickly found him alone on the patio, sitting on the outdoor couch with his head thrown back against the cushion, and his eyes closed. 

“Brady?” you whispered.

His eyes shot open at your voice, “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. Even though he knew it was impossible, part of him was hoping you didn’t see that. 

You didn’t say anything but rather moved towards him, stepping over his legs so you could sit next to him. He stayed silent, just swinging his arm around your shoulders and tugging you into his frame. You sighed as your head rested against his chest, waiting for him to talk when he was ready. 

After almost ten minutes, Brady finally spoke, “Nick is an asshole,” he muttered. 

You couldn’t help but let out a small giggle at his words, lifting your head to look at him, but he was still staring straight ahead. He didn’t know if he could keep it together if his eyes met yours. 

“Brady,” you muttered, “What happened?”

“He just said something I didn’t like.”

“Come on, Brades,” you pleaded, hoping he would finally give in and tell you what happened. 

But instead, he shook his head, “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” he snapped, instantly regretting his reaction when he felt your body flinch at his tone. He sighed, letting out a breath it felt like he had been holding for hours, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just-”

“It’s okay,” you whispered. You had no idea what was going on with him, but regardless, it was clear that he needed you. You laid your head back down on his shoulder, smiling to yourself as you felt him press a kiss to the top of your hair. 

three 

It had felt like forever since you had been on a proper date, the college lifestyle not always being conducive to it. But now here you were, getting ready to go out to dinner with the guy next door, Tommy. The two of you had been friendly for years, getting to know him more and more with each summer you spent with the Tkachuks. You definitely were surprised when he asked you out, but you didn’t see the harm in taking him up on his offer. 

And to be completely honest, part of you was getting frustrated at your situation with Brady. It was a cycle that started over each summer. You entered June denying that there was even a hint of anything more than friendship, but by July you were sucked right back under his spell, until August came and you were ripped apart from each other yet again. Clearly nothing was different about this year, so it was time you tried to move on and enjoy your summer in, well, other ways. 

You slipped into a dress, casual but still cute, and tied your white sneakers. You walked over to your window to see both Matthew and Brady’s cars sitting in the driveway. Great, you thought. This would be much more painless if they weren’t home, but of course, the world was not on your side. You did one last hair and makeup check before grabbing your bag and heading down the stairs, feigning total confidence as you grew closer to the boys. 

They were laying across the couch playing video games, both of their eyes darting straight to you as you tried to sneak out the front door. 

“It’s rude not to say goodbye,” you heard Matthew yell from behind you. 

“Fuck,” you silently mouthed, turning to move into the living room where they sat. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see you guys there!” you lied through your teeth. 

Matthew’s face scrunched up at your excuse, knowing there was no possible way you didn’t see them. 

“Where are you going?” Brady asked, his voice much softer than his brothers, almost like he knew what he was about to hear. 

“Um, I’m going to dinner with Tommy,” you said, trailing off at the end as the awkwardness set in the room. 

No matter how much you tried to deny it, you saw the way Brady’s face fell at your words. The guilt suddenly hit you like a truck, but then again it wasn’t like he was doing anything to change the status of your relationship. 

“Tommy?” Matthew questioned, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Yeah,” you stalled, “I don’t know, he asked me and I said yes.”

“Interesting,” he muttered, looking at his younger brother who was pretending to be enthralled in the game. 

“Alright well, I’ll see you guys later,” you said, standing as you waited for Brady’s response, but it never came. 

Matthew sensed the obvious tension, doing whatever he could to break it, “Have fun Y/N, but not too much,” he teased. 

You rolled your eyes, finally moving to open the door, not at all minding that it slammed behind you. 

As soon as you were out the door, Matthew pulled the controller out of Brady’s hand. He couldn’t watch this anymore. 

“What the fuck, Matt?” he shouted, his emotions high after watching you leave. 

“No, I should be asking you that,” he threw back. “What the fuck are you two doing?”

Brady sighed, running his hands over his face before holding his heavy head in his palms. He didn’t know what he was doing. For so many years he was terrified of telling you how he felt. If you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, he didn’t know if your friendship could ever recover and he was not taking that risk. But this year it was all too much, you were perfect for each other and everyone around you knew it too. How could he blame you for trying to find someone else when he couldn’t even muster up the courage to tell you the truth?

“I don’t know, Matt,” he started, his words muffled by his hands, tears prickling the back of his eyes. 

Despite teasing him about you for so long, Matthew’s heart broke as he saw his brother in so much distress over this. 

“Just tell her. I promise you it will work out,” he encouraged, placing a comforting hand on Brady’s shoulder. “Anyone with eyes can tell that you two are made for each other. It’s gross, actually.”

Brady let out a laugh at Matthew’s chirp, finally picking his head up, “But now I have Tommy to worry about.”

Matthew scoffed, laughing as he spoke, “Yeah, because Y/N really seems like the type to throw away her entire relationship with you over one date with Tommy, of all people.”

-----

Your night was going well, but you just couldn’t shake the look on Brady’s face from your mind; he was hurt. 

Tommy was sweet, making you laugh throughout dinner, but you knew you had no intention of seeing him, like this, again. After leaving the restaurant, he suggested you got ice cream and walked around the city, to which you agreed. You felt bad for leading him on, but part of you was dreading arriving back to the house. You were sitting on a bench taking in the view of the city and talking about plans for the year when you felt him shift his body closer to yours. His intentions were clear, and your heart dropped at the realization that you were going to have to let him down much earlier than anticipated. 

Just as you were trying to find the right words to tell him, he placed his hand high on your thigh and he leaned in to kiss you. You immediately flinched, pulling your face far away from his.

“Tommy, I- I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

A dark chuckle came out of his mouth and you could feel the energy change, the air growing thick with tension. 

“Seriously?”

His much larger frame than yours suddenly became quite intimidating as he leaned over you, clearly not taking the rejection well. 

“I’m sorry,” you continued, “I just don’t think this is going to happen.”

“Unbelievable,” he shook his head at you, your body pushing back into the bench in an attempt to get as far away from him as possible. “This is about Tkachuk, isn’t it? I should have known you would only be interested in the fame and money,” he mumbled with another laugh. 

His words slapped you across the face, your eyes burning as you felt the tears try to push their way out. In all the years you had known him, you never had the slightest idea that Tommy had such a cruel side to him. 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you rebutted, “Get away from me, Tommy.”

“No problem, darling,” he smiled, standing up and walking away, leaving you stranded on the street downtown. 

Your head fell into your hands, the cold evening breeze riding under your dress. Your mind instantly started listing all the reasons why this was your fault, but deep down you knew it wasn’t. After sitting there in defeat for a few moments, you finally pulled out your phone, dialing the only number that ever mattered. 

It seemed like hours later when you finally saw the black SUV pull up on the street in front of you. Before you could even stand up, Brady was running out of the car towards you. Your emotions got the best of you once he was by your side, your body collapsing into his as the tears fell. 

“What the hell did he do?” he questioned while rocking you back and forth in his arms. 

You couldn’t find the words to answer. 

“Y/N, you’re freezing,” he spoke as he felt your cool skin against his, “Come on,” he urged, grasping your hand to guide you to the car. 

Once you were inside the warm car, he reached into the back seat to find a sweatshirt, handing you the soft material. 

“Thank you,” you whisper, scared your voice would betray you as you slipped the fabric over your head, the scent of his cologne comforting you right away. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Brady hissed, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. 

“No, you’re not Brady,” you warned, “I had a good night until I didn’t. We just had different ideas of how it was going to end,” you scoffed, a sarcastic laugh slipping through your lips. 

Brady shook his head, pausing to glance over at you while he was stopped at a light. You were resting against the cool glass, his sweatshirt pooling around your hips, the fabric of your dress peeking from beneath it. The light finally turned, your face now illuminated in green and he only had one thought. 

He would never treat you like that. 

plus one

Despite his conversation with Matthew, Brady still had yet to say anything to you. You assured him time after time that you were okay after Tommy, but he didn’t want his confession to seem reactionary. You deserved more than that. 

The plan tonight was for everyone to go out to one of the hotspots in town, but you weren’t feeling it. Everything that happened the night before had you even more consumed with your thoughts about Brady, and you needed a night of just nothing. The voices from downstairs carried while the boys were getting ready to leave, their laughter making you smile as you walked into the kitchen. They were so wound up all year long and it was refreshing to see them truly relaxing. 

You drew their attention right away as you entered the room, their brows furrowed in confusion as they took in the sweats you were wearing. 

“Y/N!” one of them howled, “We’re going soon, hurry up!”

You laughed as you turned to face him, the voice belonging to Jack. 

“I’m not going Jack,” you explained, opening the fridge to look for something to satisfy your late-night craving. 

“But you have to come, you’re so fun,” he whined. 

“I promise I won’t be that fun tonight. Just go enjoy yourselves, I’ll be here waiting to make sure you all get back in the house alive,” you jested. 

“I’ll stay,” you heard from behind you. You didn’t even have to look to know who it was. 

You finally rotated your body, meeting his gaze right away. He looked good. His black jeans hugged his thighs perfect, the matching black t-shirt fitting around his biceps like a glove. He towered over your, those bright blue eyes piercing into yours. He was close enough for you to take in his cologne, the scent immediately clouding your senses. 

“I’m fine, Brady,” you reasoned, shaking yourself out of your daze, “Seriously, go.”

He didn’t speak right away, instead he gave you a knowing look. You gave him the same look right back, challenging him to go against you. 

“Matt,” he called, not breaking eye contact, “I’m gonna stay.”

You rolled your eyes at his stubbornness but you were just thankful that you had a reason to look away, praying that the heat you were feeling hadn’t made its way onto your cheeks. 

“Alright,” Matthew responded, not even bothering to question the two of you at this point. 

The boys flooded the front door, all yelling goodbye before they piled into the Ubers waiting outside. A heavy silence fell over the house, your body leaning against the kitchen counter as you waited for Brady to say something. 

“I’m just gonna change,” he spoke, gesturing to the staircase. “Put a movie on, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Just a few minutes later he returned, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. You were laying across the couch, the movie already playing as he sat down next to you. 

“Cold?” he asked, already knowing that you were by the way you wrapped your arms around your middle. 

“A little,” you mumbled, smiling as he covered the two of you in a blanket, squeezing your frame as he pulled it closer to his own. 

You stayed like that for a while, your body resting nearly completely on top of his, your leg swung over his lap and your head nuzzled into his chest. Any tension that was there before seemed to have disappeared, both of you returning to your normal states. 

But just seconds later, the screen flashed to a bedroom, the two main characters in the middle of what could be referred to only as a passionate, graphic sex scene. You immediately felt Brady tense beneath you, your cheeks flushing bright red at his response. It took everything within you not to react in any other way, but it felt like your entire body was on fire, begging to be touched. The sounds of the woman’s moans echoed off the walls, her face contorting in pleasure as the man continued. There was no denying that the image triggered a throbbing pressure between your legs, your brain fighting your body’s instinct to grind against his thigh. 

Brady’s stomach dropped when he processed what was happening, the woman undressing on the screen making his mind wander to doing the same thing with you. He wanted to touch you like that, he wanted to make you scream his name like that, make you fall apart like that because no one knew you as well as he did. But his imagination was far too vivid, and he internally cursed himself as he felt his pants become tighter and tighter. 

This has to be the longest sex scene in the history of all film, you thought to yourself as it continued, seemingly never-ending. Your hand was growing sore from its position under your head, so you gently shifted your body in hopes of getting more comfortable, but what you got was something else entirely. 

Your breath hitched when you felt it, unable to disguise your reaction. You were situated over his lap, your lower thigh brushing against his crotch and you could feel just how hard he had become beneath you. You froze, not knowing what to do or say, if anything at all. 

“Y/N,” he whispered, preparing to apologize, afraid he had made you so uncomfortable that he couldn’t recover. 

You knew he was beyond embarrassed, but something inside you had been ignited and you couldn’t ignore it any longer. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you swung your hips over his, moving to straddle him while you grabbed his face, pulling it to yours. He tensed again in pure shock, but it didn’t take long for him to relax against you, his hands circling your waist as he pushed you back down into his lap. Your lips moved together in perfect synchrony, a small whimper slipping out from your mouth as he bit your bottom lip between his teeth. He groaned into you at the sound, his hands sliding lower so he could grind you into his length, in desperate need of hearing you more. You had one hand tugging at the nape of his neck, the blond curls feeling like silk between your fingers, while the other slipped underneath his shirt, running your cool fingertips across his flexing abs. 

You were both so lost in the moment, ready to rip each other's clothes off at any second when Brady finally pulled back. 

“Wait,” he gasped, running his large hands across your thighs as he gathered his thoughts. 

Your breathing was labored, trying to catch your breath as you took in the sight below you. His lips were pink and swollen, his cheeks had a bright red tinge, and his blues eyes were staring at you in awe. 

“What?” you questioned, insecurity suddenly flooding your mind, your body separating from his as you leaned away. 

“No no no,” he cooed, urging you to come back close to him. You obliged, your eyes scanning his face in hopes of deciphering what he was thinking. 

“I just- if we’re going to do this,” he gestured between your bodies, “We have to do... this,” he whispered as he looked up at you, what he meant perfectly clear to you. “I want you, but I want all of you.” 

You smiled at his words, the anxiety washing off his face as he saw your reaction. 

“Brady, I have wanted this for longer than I can even remember,” you beamed, your hands cupping his cheeks, thumbing running over the soft skin. “I want all of you, too.”

“Yeah?” he grinned.

“Yeah,” you laughed. 

He pulled you back down to meet his lips, your teeth clashing as you both smiled into the kiss. 

“Well then,” he smirked, “If you don’t mind, I’m taking you upstairs.”

He wrapped his palms around your thighs, holding you as he stood up. You shrieked at the sudden movement, laughing as your legs circled his waist. He held you impossibly close to his body, terrified to let you go now that he had you.

“Please, Brady,” you whined against his skin, “Take me upstairs.” 

“Fuck,” he breathed out. 

That was all he needed to hear to rush up to his room, more than ready to show you exactly how much he had loved you since day one. 

part two here

[yourmcu]

Wish You Were Here (ii)

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Peter Parker x Stark!reader (platonic)

Summary:

an Infinity War/Endgame AU where Tony Stark’s daughter (you) is one of half the population that vanishes in the snap, Tony finds out later on when he arrives back to Earth, devastated, then you come back like the others to help fight Thanos.

Word count: 3,115

A/n: (moved to the end of the fic!)

Warnings: angst, death, swearing, Morgan’s a cutie! and no seriously I miss him so much

read it on ao3!

Part 1

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^

Just like the others, you were brought back when the Avengers succeeded in retrieving all the infinity stones.

You're laying on the ground at the same place you were last time: Wakanda. Once you gain consciousness you struggle to get up, your legs wobbly.

“Hello?” You call out, but you're alone, can’t even contact anyone since your suit is out of power. You have no clear memory of what happened, just that you had an anxiety attack while Natasha held you, then you blacked out and - that’s it.

You felt a strong breeze and footsteps behind you.

“[Y/N] Stark,” a man’s voice says. “Come with me.”

The man is ancient looking, had a cape and his facial hair weirdly reminds you of Tony’s. “Who are you? And how long was I out?” You look at a sparking yellow portal far behind him, “did you do that?”

“Stick together and stick with Wong,” the man calls out before the portal closes. You have no idea who he was talking to since they already got in. “Doctor Stephen Strange. We need to find Pepper Potts and... get you suited.”

“I already am suited it’s just - no juice. What’s going on?”

“It’s been five years. It’s time, your father and the others need our help to defeat Thanos,” Doctor Strange opens up another portal to an unfamiliar cabin. Your eyes light up at the mention of Tony. “Quickly. We do not have much time.”

Five years? Unbelievable. That’s just insane. You like sleeping a lot but you couldn’t imagine being asleep for five long years.

“Are - are you sure we’re in the right pla - okay, sorry, don’t have much time, yeah,” you knock on the door when Doctor Strange gives you a stern and impatient look. It gets answered right away.

“[Y/N]? Oh my god,” Pepper says breathlessly. You could feel her sobbing while she hugs you tightly.

“Hey, you guys didn’t tell me you moved,” you frown. “Is all my stuff here? Mr. Strange wants me to get ready and this isn’t the only suit I have-”

“Doctor Strange.”

“It’s upstairs, last room on the left,” Pepper smiles as she wipes her tears. You nod and went up the stairs as the magic doctor told her everything.

All your stuff were in boxes and your spare iron suit was standing in a corner. You wiped away the dust off and checked if it was in good condition. It was ready to go.

You quickly charged the weapons and blasters on the suit, and you still needed to-

You hear a small gasp from behind the door.

Confused, you turn around to see a girl with an amazed smile on her face. “Y/N!”

You cautiously walk over to the small girl, “yeah, I’m Y/N, what’s your name?”

“Morgan,” she replies, then her eyes widen as she hides something behind her back. “Daddy said I can borrow your stuff as long as I put it back. They all look really cool.”

You still aren’t sure, but you start to put the pieces together in your mind: you were ‘gone’ for five years, this girl is living with Pepper, and if you guessed right, ‘daddy’ is Tony.

She’s your sister.

“It’s okay, and thanks,” she gives you a small hug which you return slightly, you feel a smile growing on your face since you find her really precious. “It’s nice to meet you, Morgan.

“Hey, so, there’s this weirdo man downstairs and he wants me and Pep - mom to do an errand for him,” you say to her once you remember you have to go. Morgan nods understandingly, “we can play and catch up when I get back, okay? That’s a promise.”

She runs back to her room and you get suited up, power at its maximum.

“Welcome back, Ms. Stark.”

“Glad to be. I missed you - actually, how Dad’s doing? Is he alright?”

“Mr. Stark had a concussion earlier, but as of now he is waking up again.”

“Oh,” you exhale and start worrying about him a bit. “Okay. That’s fine, I guess,”

Once you go back down a portal was already open and a nanny by the door (you assumed for Morgan). You fly right in before it closed up.

“Holy shit.”

There's armies coming out of many different portals, from people to aircrafts, to mutants. You all gather at the Avengers compound, or what used to be the compound.

“I forgot to mention,” you point out and Pepper turns to you, “That’s a pretty badass suit.”

You could feel Pepper roll her eyes from inside her suit. You follow her as she flies all the way to the front.

Your eyes dart everywhere to look for Tony. And there he is, getting up from the ground and flying back to the Avengers. He looks worn out, ragged, tired; you notice before his iron head covered him up. There’s so many people that you doubt he even saw you. God, you miss him so much.

Cap, Thor, Rhodey, Clint, Peter, Wanda, Bucky, Sam, Bruce - or Hulk, everyone was there, but where’s Natasha?

“Avengers!” Cap shouts, a hand extended as he catches Mjolnir without stumbling - whoa, what? - “assemble.”

That’s it. The battle begins.

It's your first time using your backup suit, you obviously didn’t have the time to test it out first. Good thing it works fine.

You're flying around, shooting enemies whenever they get in your way and helping anyone on your side who needed it.

What got you confused (not that you were complaining) was how the other Avengers were a bit too happy to see you than they normally should. You brushed it off though, they probably just love you so much like you love them.

“Aye, mind if you launch me? I need to be over there,” a raccoon holding a gun states and pointed to the direction. You recognize him immediately.

"Sure thing, bud,” you obliged, grabbing him, levitating off the ground and to thrust your iron arm forward like a cannon.

After a while the battle died down a bit and you saw Tony embracing Peter in a distance.

You smile sadly. Peter’s your best friend, but you really wish that it’s you who Tony was hugging.

Your jealousy fades when one of those giant flying Chitauri makes its way to their direction, ready to attack.

“Friday, activate the mega blaster,” you fly closer to the pair.

“Which one?” For fuck’s sake, Friday,

“The biggest one, please, now!” Once the blaster's out, you aim at the monster who's literally meters away from Tony and Peter and fire. When it crashes to the ground lifeless, you land beside them.

“Sorry, that was,” you pant, opening up your iron helmet. “It was literally going to eat you guys, so, uh, sorry for ruining the moment.”

Peter smiles, nodding and Tony looks at you as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.

He hadn’t seen you in so long that your sudden presence fucking took his breath away. You're here, alive and back. If you guys weren’t in such a situation he’d go on and tell you about all the things you missed.

“I’m probably in trouble, right? I mean.. look Dad, I’m in a battlefield,” you laugh nervously, shooting a creature from the corner of your eye. “In my defense, Doctor Strange was the one who came to me, I didn’t-”

You're cut off when Tony wraps his arms around you. Right now he didn’t care about your excuses as to why you were here. But if Tony from five years ago could see you now he’d definitely ground you for life and take away your lab privileges.

“You’re doing great.” his voice slightly muffled from the hug. You let out a squeak, not expecting that from him at all. Tony smiles and plants a kiss to your forehead. “I love you, kid.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

The battle carries on and you're being swarmed by more enemies. You got really beaten up as it went on - what really knocked you out was when Thanos’ spaceship rained fire.

Unable to get shelter, you try your best to dodge everything that came out of the ship. You could barely see anymore because of the chaos and the clouds of dust everywhere.

“Ms. Stark, you need to get somewhere safe! Your heart rate is also increasing dangerously fast.”

“Not - not helping, Fri-” you get cut off when one of the blue fires hit you on the head, sending you to the ground unconscious.

----

“[Y/N], come on buddy, you need to get up,” Peter. He found your body a while after he handed the gauntlet to Captain Marvel. The battle's still ongoing, but he’s focusing on keeping you away from it while he waits for you to wake up.

You quickly sit up and gasp for air, looking at your best friend. “Did we win? Did we - wait, Peter, look out!” You push him out of the way when a group of monsters make their way to both of you. They turn into dust before they could lunge forward, however.

“...what the..?”

He helps you up and the both of you run to where Rhodey and Tony are at. You nearly break down when you see the state he's in.

“Mr. Stark? Hey - Mr. Stark? It’s Peter... and look, Y/N’s here- she’s okay, sir-” While Peter tries to talk to him you kneel down beside him, placing a hand on his arm while you do your best not to cry.

Then he looks at you, mouthing it’s okay.

But you know it isn’t. On your part, anyway. It seems really selfish but you don’t know what you’d do without him. Tony has always been there for you, he always kept you going.

Pepper kneels beside you, gave you a reassuring look before looking at her husband. “Friday?”

“Life functions critical.” That makes you whimper, pulling yourself closer to Tony.

“Tony, look at me. We’re going to be okay. You can rest now.”

You nod, sniffling, resting your head on his shoulder lightly. “I love you. I’ll take good care of Morgan, dad. Don’t worry.”

When the light of his arc reactor goes out, that’s when both you and Pepper break down, comforting each other around Tony’s lifeless body.

----

Dresses really weren’t your thing. So were skirts and shorts. But you wore a short, black dress for Tony’s funeral. You didn’t care if you weren’t comfortable, it was for him. You’d do anything for him.

You barely got any sleep since the battle, you couldn’t now that he was gone. It didn’t feel right. You had no idea how to cope, how you could move on from this.

What made things worse is when Steve and Thor told you about what happened to Natasha, that’s why you didn’t see her in the battle. She gave her own life just to get everybody else back.

You must’ve zoned out again because Rhodey and Pepper are now setting something up in the living room. An Iron Man helmet.

“S’that going to be new decoration?” You force out a chuckle, sniffling afterwards, sitting down on the sofa behind them.

Iron Man’s eyes light up when Rhodey presses a button. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. Tony sitting on a chair, a hologram.

He turns it off before hologram Tony could say a word. “That’s,” he sighs, “that’s for later.”

“I can’t do this,” you get up, running a hand through your hair. “I can’t. I’ll - I’ll break down, I know I will. Can I take a walk? Please?”

“Take your time.” Steve gives you a comforting smile.

Pepper nods. “Some air would do you good. Be back when it’s time, okay?”

You take longer calming yourself down in the woods near the cabin. You cried, you mumbled to yourself, paced back and forth,

Cause a picture is all that I have, To remind me that you're never coming back  If I picture it now it just makes me sad And right now I just wish you were here.

You stop when you heard leaves crunching. Peter just arrived, along with his aunt.

“Hey,” Peter silently greets, pulling you into a hug. It's obvious he isn’t getting any sleep either. “Are you okay?”

“Of course not,” you murmur, pulling away. “I should probably head back inside.”

“I’ll see you in a bit.”

You slowly walk to the porch, stopping when you hear Tony’s voice inside. You decide to just wait outside the door, you definitely don’t want to see his face, not right now, it'd be too painful.

“If we pull this thing off, and get everyone back,” Tony pauses. “Tell [Y/N] I left something in her room, yeah?”

Then he does the secret rhythm to a clap only the both of you memorized and knew.

You assume he’s done, since you don’t hear his voice anymore after that. Everyone goes out of the house and you hold Morgan’s hand as all of you walk to the lake for one last goodbye.

After that you talked to everybody who came for a while. Bruce, Steve, Clint and Thor tried to get you to look at the bright side, which you appreciated, you met the rest of the guardians who came, Doctor Strange who gave you a sympathetic look and apologized for your loss, and the guy you remembered Tony told you about, the one who helped him when his suit powered down and got stranded years ago. You made a mental note to ask him to hang out with you and Peter sometime.

“Hey... I’m heading to bed now,” you inform Pepper, Happy and Rhodey (both men were staying at the cabin for a few days) who're in the living room staring at the fireplace.

Before you go to your own room you check up on Morgan, who’s fast asleep. She's wearing her little Iron Man glove, pressed to her chest. She doesn’t deserve this.

Your room is still unpacked and they just sort of removed your bed from the compound and moved it here. You sit on the bed, already thinking of ways to move on that you know wouldn’t work anyway.

You remember your father claimed he had something for you here, so taking a deep breath, you clap the secret rhythm,

“Dad... you’ve gotta be kidding me,” you whine, covering your face with both palms.

Another hologram.

“Hey legacy,” Tony chuckles, looking at you. You shake your head at the ridiculous nickname, also avoiding his eyes, which you’re sure would make you cry if you did look. “I... uh, this is just a little video. For you. Sure you won’t see this but... I like to pretend I could still talk to you. I miss you, a lot.”

You fiddle with your hands, still not looking at him but you listen to him talk.

“But we’ll see. We’ll figure something out. I hope to see you soon, [Y/N]. I love you.”

He has both hands in his pockets as he looked at you with a warm smile, before disappearing.

But he reappears a second after.

“We’re doing it tomorrow. The... uh, time travel thing.”

The stress in his voice make you look up at him, but this time he isn’t looking at you. It seems like he was pacing while he recorded it.

“I just finished doing one of these for, well, in case I somehow die while we attempt to do it. If you think about it, it’s highly likely. Going back in time, yada yada, possibilities are endless,” he sighs. “But I figured I owe my firstborn a final message if that happens, right?”

“Honestly I feel,” he makes motions with his hands. “Bit anxious... right now. We were the only ones helping each other out when one of us felt this way but... seeing as you’re not here, I just have to deal with it.”

“[Y/N], look at me,” Tony crouches down to be in level with you, like he knew you were actually here watching this, like he was actually there, the one talking to you. But it’s how he programmed it. “You wanna know what my best decision in life was?”

“Yeah?”

“Taking you in,” he smiles. “When we fight you always bring up that I had the choice not to, and you were right. But guess what? I have no regrets.”

You smile, blinking back tears.

“You mean the world to me, I just feel like I don’t say it enough,” Tony cocks his head slightly, still looking at you. “We both have no idea what the afterlife’s like but that won’t matter, I’ll always look after you girls.”

“Speaking of which, your sister reminded me so much of you when she was first born, god, I still wish you were around for that. I know you’ll love her, she’s just brilliant. Take care of her for me, yeah?”

“Maybe there’s a way to get you back,” Tony sighs at your words, already knowing that it’s not going to work out. “I - I just need some time. I can bring you back, Dad-”

He places a hand on your shoulder. You couldn’t feel it, but you did feel a light breeze. “The deed’s already done, honey. Don’t worry about me. Come on, don’t cry,” he kneels in front of you as you let yourself go, crying hard into your palms.

Don't say everything's meant to be, Cause you know it's not what I believe  Can't help but think that it should've been me In the end, I just wish you were here.

You open your eyes when you hear a beep, even Tony turns around. The recording had ten seconds left. “The recording’s about to end, [Y/N],”

“I love you tons,” you whisper, looking up at him.

Tony smiles, caressing your cheek. “I love you 3,000.”

Yeah, they say you're in a better place, Either way I still wish you were here ‘Cause they say you're in a better place  In the end, I just wish you were here.

----

so here’s part 2. I miss him y’all, it’s missing-Tony-so-much hours for me

just like the first part, I got the title from this amazing song by Neck Deep which you can listen to here.

[taglist: @creation-magician​ (which I would like to personally thank for wanting to be tagged)]

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (8)

Warnings: hoo boi.

Word Count: 2k 

"Y/n?" Chan gently shook your shoulder. "Come on baby, you've got to wake up."

You peeled your eyes open, cheeks flushing as you noticed how close Chan's face was to yours.

"Good, you're awake. Listen...I've got to go to the airport and pick up my parents, and your mom was blowing up your phone just a few minutes ago." The corner of his lips twitched in amusement as your phone started vibrating. "Well, there she goes again. Sounds important, you should answer." He straightened up, handing you your phone and heading to the kitchen. "I’ll be making breakfast."

You smiled as he left, expression dropping as you answered your phone.

"Yes, mom...?"

"Oh! My baby! Thank god you answered, finally...I'm so sorry about last night, darling..."

"It's oka-"

"No it wasn't! I'm a terrible mother. I'm sorry, it's just, he was so hot, and I was super intoxicated. We're going to go on a second date! Whose place did you stay at, by the way? A boy answered the phone earlier." She asked, her tone dripping with suggestiveness. You could almost see her wiggling her eyebrows.

"Ew, gross, mom! He's just a friend." You said as Chan came back into the room with a plate of waffles, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure, darling, whatever you say. Although I'm certainly not opposed to you getting laid, it was long overdue anyw-"

"Haha okay, bye mom!" You cut the call, shuddering as Chan giggled, passing you the plate.

"Just a friend? Do friends kiss each other the way we did last night?"

"Shut up." You smiled, digging into your waffles.

***

You watched Chan's car leave as he left for the airport, standing there until he became a speck in the distance before turning around to enter your house.

You found your mom sitting on the couch...but this time, she wasn't passed out with drool running down her chin and clutching a bottle of beer- she was sitting with an odd sense of poise, wearing a pretty summer dress and a huge smile.

"Y/n! You're home! How was your night?" She grinned, winking. You narrowed your eyes, her cheerfulness catching you off guard. Your gaze drifted to the table, on which rested some plates and two empty wine glasses.

"Nowhere near as good as yours." You said pointedly, tearing your gaze away from the table as you moved to go upstairs.

Flopping on your bed, you scrolled through your text messages. Nothing new from Chan. You sighed, reminding yourself that there was probably no Wi-Fi at the airport.

Suddenly your phone dinged with a new text message. Oh. A response to your tutor ad. You'd put it up a long while ago and had honestly forgotten all about it. Well, you definitely needed the extra money. You replied affirmatively to the text and tossed your phone next to you on the mattress.

***

It had been a while since Chan had had dinner with the boys. The conversation was light, and he had missed his friends..however he found himself missing you more, despite having seen you that morning.

"Minho, I don't know how you get away with making out with her in the hallway. I can barely hold hands with my girlfriend without some teacher giving us detention-"

Chan looked up as Felix shoved Changbin's arm, making him stop mid-sentence. Changbin raised an eyebrow, realization dawning on him.

"Ah sorry, Chan. I didn't mean to rub it in."

"Seriously, though." Jisung rolled his eyes. "It's been weeks, and you aren't any closer to getting that book. I hate to say it bro, but I don't think Miyoung would want to be with you even if Minho breaks up with her."

Hyunjin nodded, glancing up from his phone. "I've noticed her and Y/n are really buddying it up. It's girl code not to date your friend's ex."

"Of course, you're the expert on girl code, Hyunjin."

A small squabble broke out and Chan wanted to slither onto the floor and just...stay there. He glared at his plate, deciding he’d had enough.

"Stop it!”

Jisung and Hyunjin stopped talking, staring at Chan in surprise.

"I will get that book soon. I love Miyoung, and I'll make sure she's mine, through any means possible. I don’t care about your opinions, so you guys can just shut the fuck up." He hated lying through his teeth, but there was no way he was going to tell these judgmental burdens he called his friends that he loved you- at least not yet.

Chan relished the silence as he continued eating, trying his best to ignore Minho's burning, inquisitive gaze directed right at him.

***

You sat in bed, clutching your blue book as you tapped your pencil, your head filled with thoughts of Chan. In all your 17 years of life, you'd never known what love felt like...but now you did. And as a result, you were completely consumed with the burning need to tell Chan exactly how you felt.

When you'd moved to this town, you really hadn't expected for it to one day feel like home. But it did, and you were sure it was all because of Chan. His presence somehow made you feel safe, and protected, and you hadn't felt this secure since your dad left you.

You wanted- no, you needed to know if Chan felt the same way about you. You pushed the self-doubt deep inside as you imagined telling him.

You turned red just thinking about it. Fuck it, you were too shy. You'd be a blubbering mess two words in.

Sighing, you looked back down at your book...when an idea struck in your head.

Uncapping your pen with your teeth, you placed the nib on the paper and inhaled, letting all your feelings flow out onto the page. It felt kind of cliché, writing a love letter like this, but you always did have a tendency to over-romanticize everything.

Besides; it was more of a love poem. Gah, was that worse? You hoped to god he wouldn't find it cheesy, especially since you'd bared your heart to him with these words. As you finished, your eyes ran over the last sentence. 

"If you feel the same, please meet me behind the tree near the lake, where we had our first conversation, and where I started falling for you."

You shut the book and placed it on your bedside table, flicking the lamp off and rolling over. You nuzzled your pillow, your mind drifting to last night, the memory of Chan's lips and body pressed against yours still fresh.

***

It was a bit early to be having an ice cream date, but neither of you could honestly care less. As soon as you'd woken up in the morning, Chan had texted you to meet him at the ice cream parlour near his house.

"I can't believe you like salted caramel. Its such an old person flavor." He laughed, staring at you fondly.

"Like mint chocolate is any better." You rolled your eyes.

"Fine fine, let's just accept we have different tastes in ice cream."

You smiled. "That I can get on board with."

There was a comfortable silence as the two of you ate. You glanced up from time to time, your heart pounding as you psyched yourself up. Come on, this was the moment. You can do it, Y/n.

"Hey, Chan...?"

"Mm?" He asked, pausing with the spoon halfway to his mouth.

"Uh...are you free tonight?"

"Tonight? Oh, I'm playing soccer with the guys. You could come watch, though."

"Oh no, I have a tutoring appointment in the evening." You muttered.

Chan quirked his eyebrow. "Why'd you ask in the first place, then?"

"Uh, I just wanted to know. I mean-" You groaned, letting out an exasperated sigh. Bending down, you grabbed your bag from the floor and put it on your lap.

Confused, Chan watched as you pulled out your book, the book, swallowing. Slowly, you slid it over to him.

"I...what's this?" Chan asked as nonchalantly as he could, running a hand through his hair.

"It's...kind of my diary. I just-" you inhaled. "Look, I've bookmarked a page. When you go home- and please don't open it before then- read what I've written." You gulped, as Chan didn't make any move to take the book.

"Look, Y/n, I-"

"Please, just take it. Don't ask any questions." You looked down, trying to hide your flushed cheeks, trying to calm the beating of your heart.

Chan sighed, fingers reaching out and slowly curling over the book as he took it into his hands, tucking it into his pocket as you let yourself smile.

"Thank you."

***

Huh. This was definitely not what you'd been expecting. The house was a lot smaller than you'd imagined it to be, especially knowing how much you were charging.

You breathed in and came forward, knocking on the door and waiting. A few minutes later, a young girl opened it.

"Hi! Are you Dea?"

"How do you know that?" She asks, scrunching her nose, her hand gripping the handle tightly. "Mom says not to talk to strangers."

You shook your head quickly before she could close the door. "Sweetheart, I'm your tutor."

"Prove it."

You sighed, straightening and looking past her. "Is your mom here?"

The girl paused for a second before shaking her head, moving to slam the door closed, when a woman showed up from behind the corner.

"Oh good, it's the tutor!" The woman placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder, smiling at you. "Come in, Y/n. I've actually got someplace to be, but I'll be back in two hours. I assume you'll be done by then?"

"Yeah, most probably." You smiled and let her take you in, leading you to Dea's bedroom. The girl herself followed cautiously, and you found yourself a little amused.

"Right, this is her desk." The mom ran a hand through her hair, gesturing to the table. She glanced at her watch and swore, shooting you an apologetic glance.

"In sorry Y/n, I've got to get going soon- please focus on her maths, it's really bad. We'll discuss your fees and other logistics when I get back, okay?" She smiled at you, waving at her daughter before hurrying out the door.

You watched her leave, frowning slowly as she walked away. Something was niggling away at the back of your mind. Why did she look so familiar?

Turning back to the girl, you sighed inwardly at her knitted eyebrows and scowl. She was avoiding your stare, fiddling with her pencil and muttering under her breath.

This was going to be tough.

***

Minho sighed, watching Miyoung wave from the bleachers. Fuck, it was like she was physically incapable of giving him some fucking space.

He glanced over to Chan, clad in his uniform as he chugged water from the bottle Felix handed to him. When was this asshole going to get that fucking book? He couldn't stand having to date Miyoung any longer.

As the girl blew him an exaggerated kiss, Minho decided he had had enough. Needing to be alone, he turned around and went to the locker room. Just a moment to breathe, that was all he was asking for.

As Minho entered the cool, air-conditioned locker room, he let out a sigh of relief. He went over to sit one of the benches, planning to rest in solitude for just a few minutes... until he noticed Chan's clothing lying on one.

His shirt and jeans were carelessly strewn on the seat, and Minho narrowed his eyes as a flash of blue caught his eye, almost immediately.

Peeking out from the pocket was a very familiar looking little blue book.

He came closer, slowly pulling the book out and inspecting it. Could it be? The bastard had your book all along? Opening it, he flipped through the pages with a smirk slowly growing on his face. Yup, it was yours.

It was like the gods were smiling down on him, finally.

[fireladybuckley]

A Thousand Knives of Ice

Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz  (Buddie) Prompt: Falling through the ice Word Count: 10,661 Summary:  While on a roadtrip through the Canadian Rockies with Eddie and Christopher, Buck attempts to rescue a child with disastrous consequences for his own safety, leaving Eddie to take charge and nurse him back to health.  Rating: PG Author’s note:  I had an absolute blast writing this!  Please let me know in the replies or reblogs if you liked it!  It’s my first Buddie fic, but will most assuredly not be my last. :D

               “You know, I think I’m actually getting used to the cold,” Buck grinned as he hopped out of the SUV, pulling a knitted toque onto his head, a few curls of hair sticking out the front.  “Maybe they’ll make me an honourary Canadian soon.”

             Eddie, who had just gotten out of the vehicle on the other side, rolled his eyes and smiled indulgently at Buck’s enthusiasm.  Less than two weeks ago at the beginning of their month-long trip, Buck had sworn he’d never be warm again and complained incessantly about the cold.

             “That’s because it’s like 2 Celsius,” Eddie laughed, slamming his door and moving around to the back of the SUV.  “It’s unseasonably warm for this time of year.”

             “What’s that in Fahrenheit again?” Buck asked, squinting through the sun and watching a raven fly past them, cawing in its deep, croaking voice.

            “35 or 36,” Eddie replied, pulling open the trunk and watching as Buck bounced on the balls of his feet, clearly itching to go and explore.

             Eddie, Buck and Christopher had been on this road trip for about ten days, driving from Alaska, down through the Canadian Rockies.  Eventually they would head back down into the USA, following the mountains down through Utah and back home to LA.  It had been a blast so far, and Eddie was never sure who was more excited every time they stopped somewhere new: Buck, or Christopher.  Buck hadn’t done much travelling when he was younger and Christopher was obsessed with mountains after doing a project on them in school the previous year, so it had seemed the perfect trip to take.  Christopher had really wanted to see the mountains in winter, so Eddie had pulled him out of school a couple of weeks early before Thanksgiving break.  Eddie knew he really shouldn’t miss so much school, but after everything Christopher had gone through last year or so with moving to California, losing his mom, the tsunami, and everything else, Eddie thought he deserved a special break.  Buck had agreed, and so they’d appealed to Bobby to let them go and flew to Anchorage, where they rented an SUV and began to drive.

             “What’s this place called?” Eddie asked as he dug around in the trunk, pulling out the sled and Christopher’s winter jacket.  He’d lost track of all the places they had stopped in the last few days, first around Jasper and now near Banff, Alberta. 

             “Lake Minnewanka,” Buck read off the nearby sign, pointing at it.  “Ooo, they have boat tours.”

             “Probably only in the summer though,”  Eddie pointed out.  “Pretty hard to boat when the lake is frozen.”

             “Ah.  Right.” Buck seemed disappointed, and Eddie was unable to resist giving him a quick hug as he came around to his side of the SUV.  

             “Sorry Buck,” Eddie chuckled, patting his shoulder.  “I promise, we’ll come back someday in the summer.” 

             Buck laughed and pulled on his jacket as Eddie moved past him to get Christopher ready.  Buck was looking around eagerly, the sight of the large dock in the distance drawing his attention.  He was aching to explore again, but he reigned himself in as he listened to Eddie talking to Christopher.

             “Ready to go down to the docks, bud?” Eddie was asking Christopher, who grinned at him but shook his head.

             “I gotta pee first, Dad,” he said, holding up an empty Gatorade bottle.  Eddie laughed and helped Christopher get out of the SUV, looking over and seeing that Buck was still staring longingly down at the lake.

             “Go ahead and look around,” Eddie told him, steadying Christopher as he stood for the first time in a couple of hours.  “We’ll be a little while.”

             “You sure?” Buck asked, reaching out and ruffling Christopher’s hair fondly, prompting a giggle from him. 

             “Yeah, go on.  We’ll meet you down there in a few.”

             “Okay!  See you soon,” Buck said, leaning over and giving Eddie a quick kiss on the cheek.  Buck stepped back and watched Eddie slowly lead Christopher towards the bathrooms and then began to walk down a long hill towards the docks, face turned upwards, letting the sun soak into his skin.  Considering it was still very much colder here than it ever was in LA, Buck was finally not feeling too cold and he smiled as he walked, thinking he could get used to this.  It was a nice change not to feel sweaty every time he went outside, though he thought he would never get used to the kind of cold they had experienced when they’d landed in Alaska, which had been in the -30s. 

             Buck slowed his walk as he stepped onto the docks, looking around.  The large lake, which curved out of sight in the distance, was surrounded by multiple mountains and the view was breathtaking.  He had seen photos of this place in the summer, when the water was turquoise with glacial dust, but now the ice made the dark blue water beneath seem cold and limitless, and in places there were streams of bubbles that had frozen into white, oblong  spheres beneath the surface.  Making a mental note to point these out to Christopher, Buck continued up one fork of the large T shaped dock, barely even noticing other people around until he heard a scream behind him.

             Buck whipped around at the sound, instantly on edge and alert, scanning the small assortment of people scattered around.  Another scream brought his focus to a small family, a woman and a young boy on the dock, looking out over the lake in horror.  Buck followed their gaze and his eyes locked on a flash of pink, which he realized a moment later was a woolen toque, not unlike the one he was wearing himself.  Adrenaline pumping through him, Buck was already running towards them as the mother screamed again.

             “Help! Someone help! She fell through!”   The mother was clearly panicking, unsure of what to do as she was torn between jumping out onto the ice herself and staying with her younger son.

             “Stay with him,” Buck ordered as he skidded to a stop beside her and looked over to see the girl floundering in the water about thirty feet away, desperately trying to grab hold of the ice and screaming.   Buck lowered his foot over the edge of the dock and found, after putting some pressure down, that the ice was solid, at least this close to the dock.   Carefully, he stepped completely off the dock, arms out for balance.

             “What’s her name?” He asked the mother as he unzipped his coat and pulled it off, intending to use it as something the girl could grab onto.

             “Molly, she’s Molly,” the woman sobbed, clinging to her younger son.  “Please save her!  I can’t swim!”

             “I’ll get her, don’t worry,” Buck told her reassuringly, already edging away from the dock, trying to be careful but also acutely aware that the girl was quickly freezing in the water. 

             About fifteen feet from the dock, Buck felt like the ice was thinning and looked down to see spiderwebs of cracks starting to splinter away from his feet.  A wave of fear shot through him and he cautiously lowered himself down to the surface of the ice, remembering from a training video long ago that it was the best way to spread his weight and not break the ice.

             “Molly, just hang on, I’m coming!” Buck called to the girl, sliding closer to her on his belly, ignoring the chill of the ice quickly sinking through his shirt.  The girl was still screaming and crying, trying to hold on to the edge of the ice she’d fallen through but kept losing her grip.  As Buck got closer he estimated she was maybe seven years old and quite small;  if he could get a good grip on her he should be able to pull her out.

             Once he was about six feet away from her, he could feel the ice moving under his weight and slowed to a stop, worried that if he went any further it would collapse under him.  Sucking in a sharp breath as some water that had slopped over the edge of the ice from her flailing soaked into his shirt and against his skin, Buck did his best to ignore the sharp stabs  of the cold and tossed his jacket towards the girl, holding on to the opposite sleeve.

             The edge of the other sleeve fell just short of the hole and Buck swore, creeping closer as slow as he dared, feeling his heart hammering in his chest as he knew the girl was in severe danger of hypothermia the longer he took.  He crept a good six inches closer, then tried to toss the jacket again, letting out a breath of relief as the other sleeve hit the water this time.

             “Grab hold of the sleeve, Molly!” he called to the girl.  “I’ll pull you up!” 

             “I c-can’t!” Molly cried, trying to grab the sleeve, but Buck could see she was losing control of her movements, her muscles no doubt completely seizing from the cold. 

             Steeling himself and thinking he was probably going to regret this, Buck began to edge closer, focusing entirely on the ice around him and the little girl’s face, every sound in the background fading, even the mother’s screams of fear.  Finally, he was only a couple of feet away and he reached out his hand, gritting his teeth as the frigid water splashed onto him, soaking his arm, splashing his face. 

             “Come on, Molly!  Grab my hand!” he shouted to her, trying to stay as far back as he could while still holding his arm out.  “You can do it!”

             Buck was about to call to her again, encourage her, but when he reached a little more, trying to move his hand closer to her without actually moving closer to her, he felt the ice crack below his chest.  Buck immediately froze, trying to decide if he should try to back up again, but he knew intrinsically that it was too late.  He knew a single moment of panic in his mind, as he heard and felt the ice under him crack again, vaguely aware that Eddie’s voice in the distance was calling his name, before the ice completely gave way under him and he was plunged into the dark, icy depths.  

             Buck’s whole body was submerged before he even had a chance to realize the ice was gone and every skin cell was screaming simultaneously in agony  from the cold.  It felt like being stabbed by a thousand knives, like being consumed by fire and ice at once and Buck momentarily couldn’t think or move, his body rigid with shock as all of his muscles seized up.

                                                              * * *

             Eddie had just gotten to the docks with Christopher when he’d seen Buck lower himself to the surface of the ice many feet from the dock and realized something bad was happening.  He’d told Christopher to stay where he was and bolted across the dock past a few other people to where the mother was crouching, holding her other child and sobbing.

             “You!  Call 9-1-1!  And please watch my kid!” Eddie ordered, spinning around and pointing at the person he’d just passed, who was watching everything proceed with a look of horror on her face, then pointing towards where Christopher sat in his sled at the edge of the lake.  She started as Eddie pointed at her, surprised to be addressed, but she nodded and immediately dug for her phone in her purse, moving towards Christopher as Eddie continued to the edge of the dock nearest the hole in the ice.

              Eddie called to Buck multiple times, trying to get his attention, but Buck seemed laser-focused on the little girl thrashing in the water and Eddie realized he wasn’t hearing him.  Adrenaline pumping through him now, Eddie looked around wildly and on the other side of the docks saw a coil of rope hanging on a mooring post where he assumed a boat was usually tied in the summer.   Eddie sprinted towards it, nearly wiping out on a slick patch of ice as he tried to stop too quickly.  The rope was frozen to the post, but with a few good pulls Eddie was able to get it free.  He hoisted it over his shoulder and sprinted back towards the other side of the dock, hoping beyond hope that he’d get back and get the rope out before the worst happened.  

Unfortunately, Eddie has just come to a stop beside the mother when the ice gave way.  Eddie screamed Buck’s name, watching, horror-struck, as Buck’s form disappeared under the surface of the water with a splash.  Fear and panic gripped Eddie’s heart as he waited, terrified, seeing no sign of Buck except his green wool hat floating to the surface.  

                                                               * * *

             Something slammed into Buck’s shoulder as he floated there, suspended a couple of feet under the water, still in shock.  The impact startled him enough that he was suddenly able to move again, and he forced his body to pump his arms so that he could right himself.  After a moment of furiously swiping his arms, his head finally broke the surface and the sound of his coughs and gasps for air reverberated around them.  

             Eddie nearly cried with relief when Buck’s head appeared above the water, and he frantically began unwinding the rope, unsticking it from itself where it was frozen in several places, desperately trying to move as fast as possible. 

             Buck, meanwhile, realized that the thing that had impacted his shoulder was the little girl’s frantically kicking legs.  He was only a few feet from her now and though his entire body still felt like it was being stabbed while simultaneously on fire, he tried his best to fall back into firefighting mode and channel his adrenaline into helping her.  Her movements were quickly weakening and he swam the distance between them, grabbing her around the waist and holding her tight to his chest.

             “I-I’ve g-got you,” he told her, trying to sound confident even though his voice was shaking as he shivered violently.  She clung to him, sobbing and shaking like a leaf, as he struggled to swim sideways towards the side of the ice, every stroke more difficult as the cold quickly ate away at his strength.

             At the edge of the ice, Buck grabbed hold of it, testing how strong it was.  It would definitely not hold his weight, but it seemed strong enough to hold hers.  Desperately kicking in an attempt to keep his blood flowing and to keep them afloat, Buck extricated the girl from around his neck.

             “I’m g-going to push you up onto the ice. You need t-to crawl to your m-mom as soon as you’re up th-there, okay?”  Buck told her firmly, trying to convey how important it was that she do as he was asking, despite his shaking voice.  She was clearly still terrified but she nodded through her trembles, and he smiled at her, trying to reassure her. 

             “You’re r-really brave.  You’ve g-got th-this!” he told her, maneuvering so he was behind her and she was facing the ice, facing the docks.  He took as deep of a breath as he could manage with his tight chest muscles, steadied his grip on her waist and hoisted her as hard as he could.  She didn’t raise up nearly as high as he’d expected her to, his muscles starting to seize up considerably from the cold, and she floundered awkwardly on the ice, her ribs stuck on the edge.  He pushed again, as hard as he could, and felt her move upwards and forward this time.   The momentum of pushing her so hard forced him back down, though, and he choked on the icy water as his head was submerged again.  The frigidity of the water over his head gave him an instant, piercing headache and he struggled to get back to the surface, shuddering as the icy water streamed from his hair down his face and neck.  The next moments were a confusing mess of flailing limbs and splashing water.  Molly accidentally kicked Buck square in the nose at one point as she tried to propel herself forward and Buck noted in vague surprise that his face was so numb he’d barely felt the impact, though seconds later felt oddly warm blood join the water pouring down his face as he rose above the surface again, coughing and spluttering.

             Finally, through joint effort, Molly was completely out of the water.  Buck grabbed hold of her feet and gave one last push as hard as he could, the momentum shoving him backwards.  She slid forward on the ice as Buck fell back into the water, his head submerging below the surface yet again.

                                                              * * *

            Eddie was practically vibrating with adrenaline and panic as he watched Buck trying to save the girl, frantically uncoiling the rope.  He finally managed to unwind it all and ran over to stand beside the mom as Buck tried valiantly to lift the girl onto the ice.  Eddie watched helplessly as Buck had to keeping pushing her upwards, forcing himself back under the water several times in his attempts.   Eddie called Buck’s name again, but Buck didn’t hear him. 

             Quickly and expertly, Eddie tied a large loop in the rope, knotting it tightly.   He slid the loop around his shoulders to make sure it was large enough that Buck could get it over his own and pulled it off, satisfied that it would be the right size.   He urged the mom and her son to move away and planted himself firmly on the dock, knowing he’d get better traction here than on the ice, as much as he desperately wanted to rush forward onto the ice and save them.

             “BUCK!” Eddie yelled in fear and dismay, watching as Buck managed to get the girl up onto the ice, but then disappeared below the surface yet again.  Shaking himself, Eddie wound up and threw the loop towards the girl, who gave a little yelp of fright as it landed right in front of her face.

             “Sorry!  Grab the rope, sweetheart!” Eddie called, trying to focus on the girl while also watching the water, waiting for Buck to resurface.  Molly managed to get an arm through the loop and held on as tight as she could as Eddie began pulling her in.  She was light, even with her sodden winter clothing, and she slid quickly across the ice towards them as he pulled.

             Within moments she was right beside the docks and Eddie reached down to pick her up, looking out at the water at the same time.   The cold water from her jacket stung his hands as he set her down beside her mother, fear gripping him.   Buck had been under too long.  Eddie was just starting to think he might have passed out and was about to leap onto the ice without another though when Buck’s head finally reappeared, and Eddie could hear him gasping and coughing.  Both relief and intense worry set his body alight as he turned to the mother and tried to instruct her as fast as he could. 

             “Get her to your car and get all of her wet clothes off.  Wrap her in a blanket or warm, dry clothes but don’t warm her up too fast or she could go into cardiac arrest.  The paramedics should be here really soon.”

             The woman nodded, clutching her sobbing daughter to her side.  She picked Molly up and began to run along the dock and towards the parking lot, her son trailing behind her.  Eddie spared a momentary glance to make sure Christopher was still sitting where he’d left him, the woman with the cell phone beside him, then turned back to the ice.

             “Buck!  BUCK! Can you hear me?”  Eddie yelled as he gathered up the rope and began to wind it again so he could throw it out to Buck, who was just barely clinging to the edge of the ice and looked like death, even from this distance.

                                                              * * *

             It had been very hard, that last time, to get himself back to the surface.  Buck had been in the water for at least seven minutes by then and his muscles were so stiff he could barely move.  The sensation of a million knives stabbing his skin had slowly been replaced by a numbness so complete he felt like he was barely in his own body anymore.  He’d stopped shivering and struggled to find which way was up.  He swallowed some water as he ran out of breath just as he’d finally broke the surface, coughing violently and choking on the water, awkwardly trying to keep himself afloat and keep his head above water.  He tried to hold on to the edge of the ice, but he couldn’t feel his hands and everything was so slippery that he kept losing his grip, forced to clumsily tread water with his rapidly stiffening limbs.

             It was several moments before Buck realized he could hear Eddie’s voice calling to him and looked around, finally seeing Eddie’s form on the docks a good way away.  Buck’s brain seemed to be lagging behind, processing things slowly, but he eventually managed to focus on Eddie as he clung to the edge of the ice, forcing himself to kick every so often to stop himself completely sinking under the water again.  Buck attempted to heave himself upwards, but he had used so much of his energy getting the girl out that he had none left to hoist himself.

             “I’m going to throw you the rope!”  Eddie shouted, worriedly watching as Buck clumsily tried to hold onto the ice but kept slipping off, everything too slicked with water to hold his grip.  “Put it under your arms!”

             Buck tried to call back to him but felt like he couldn’t get enough air to speak, so he gave a weak thumbs up, letting out a soft cry as he lost his grip on the ice once more and fell back, spluttering as a wave of frigid water splashed over his head.

             Eddie bit his lip in worry and determination and launched the rope with a practiced swing.  It unfurled beautifully in the air, but stopped many feet short of the hole on the ice.  Swearing, Eddie pulled it back as fast as he could, winding as he went, realizing he was going to have to step onto the ice for the rope to get close enough.  The girl had gotten much closer to him before he’d thrown it the first time.

             Buck was rapidly losing control of his muscles as he tried to keep himself afloat.  His arms and legs were so stiff it took all of his effort to move them, all of his brain power to remind himself to kick to keep his head above water.   The only thing that kept pulling his attention was the feeling of the blood still pouring out of his nose.  He was too numb to feel the pain, but his blood felt sickeningly hot as it trickled out of his nose, dripping onto his lips and chin.   He tried to keep wiping it away, but the stark contrast of the scarlet blood on his pale fingers made his stomach churn.

             Eddie could see that Buck was having difficulty holding on and felt his hands shaking as he finished reeling in the rope.  As he adjusted his grip to throw again, he could see Buck slowly tipping backwards as he fruitlessly tried to grip the ice, and Eddie worried that he was starting to black out.

             “Kick, Buck!” Eddie shouted, winding up to throw the rope again.  “You can do this!”

             Relieved as Buck clearly heard him and sluggishly righted himself in the water, Eddie stepped onto the ice and crept a few feet forward, stopping only when he was sure there was enough rope to reach.  He planted his feet as firmly as he could, swung, and released the rope.   Thankfully, this time the rope landed right in front of Buck on the edge of the ice.

             “Grab it!  Under your arms!” Eddie yelled, trying to encourage Buck, who looked absolutely bedraggled and exhausted.   Eddie’s heart broke for him as Buck tried valiantly to grab at the rope and missed several times before his stiff fingers finally caught on the thick cord. 

             Buck tried as hard as he could to be fast, but his muscles were so stiff he could barely lift the rope once he got a grip on it.  He couldn’t feel his fingers or his hands at all, so maneuvering the rope was difficult.  He managed to get it around his neck and under one of his armpits, but he was having trouble bending his other arm enough to thread it up through the loop.  He could hear Eddie shouting encouragement at him, noticed the tone to the words becoming more frantic the longer it took him to move.

             Finally, after another minute or so, Buck managed to get both arms through the loop and settled it under his armpits.  Eddie immediately began to pull until he felt resistance, as Buck’s chest bumped up against the ice.  Buck reached out slowly, achingly, trying to pull himself up, not having a lot of luck.  Some of the ice broke under the weight of his arms and he cried out as a fresh wave washed over him.

             “Come on Buck, kick! You can do this,” Eddie called to him, his voice cracking slightly with emotion as he watched Buck struggle to the new edge.  “I love you, I’m right here, you can do this!”

             Buck looked up at Eddie through the haze of pain and exhaustion, trying to draw strength from his words.  He could see that Eddie, the man he loved, was clearly scared out of his mind and worried for him, and he knew that somewhere, Christopher was probably scared too.  The thought of the two of them filled him with metaphorical warmth, and he felt a last wave of strength and determination wash over him.

             As Eddie yelled “Pull, Buck!” and tugged on the rope, Buck let out a shout of determination, pain, and anguish and heaved himself upwards as hard as he could, clinging to the rope, using every ounce of his remaining energy.  He heard Eddie let out a whoop of relief as Buck managed to get his elbows out of the water and prop himself on the surface of the ice, which mercifully held him this time.  Eddie dug his heels in and began to pull, hard, nearly slipping on the ice himself but just managing to stay upright. 

“Kick! Kick as much as you can, Buck!” Eddie yelled, his muscles straining as he pulled.

             After an enormous amount of effort on both of their parts, Buck’s upper body finally left the water and he splayed out on the ice on his belly, drops of crimson blood hitting the surface under his face.  Eddie kept pulling, taking a few steps backwards as he did so until he was at the dock’s edge.  He hopped back up onto the wooden surface so he would have better traction and then began to pull Buck in as fast as he could.  Buck was too weak to help, too weak to do much of anything but attempt to hold on to the rope as he was dragged forward, leaving a wide swath of water shining on the surface of the ice behind him.  It felt like hours were passing as he moved across the surface a few inches at a time, and eventually he felt so weak that his head drooped, resting on his outstretched arm.

             “Buck!” Eddie cried when he saw Buck’s head loll, thinking he had passed out, but then Buck moved his legs on his own and he realized he was still conscious.  Still, spurred on by the fright, Eddie pulled as hard as he could, sweat pouring down his face from the effort, and finally Buck was within reach.

             Someone he hadn’t noticed nearby rushed forward and helped him pull Buck up onto the dock and Eddie hit his knees on the wood, pulling Buck into his lap, barely feeling the shock of the cold water soaking into his pants.  Eddie was unable to stop himself touching Buck’s face, pushing his sopping hair out of his eyes, putting his hand around Buck’s head and tilting it towards his, his hands shaking with relief.   Buck moaned, taking fast, shallow breaths, mostly limp in Eddie’s arms, his eyes firmly closed as he stirred feebly. 

             “Buck, Buck!  Stay with me,” Eddie pleaded, as Buck’s eyes refused to open and he moaned softly again, once again scared that he had lost consciousness.  As though through sheer force of will, Buck’s eyelids fluttered weakly and then slowly opened, and his gaze met Eddie’s. 

             “Eddie,” Buck murmured, his voice so soft and breathless Eddie barely heard it.  It wasn’t a question, more like an acknowledgement and Eddie felt tears well in his eyes at how broken Buck sounded.  Eddie stroked Buck’s cheek and leaned down, pressing a kiss to his frozen lips, so thankful to be holding him again that he momentarily forgot everything else.   He hadn’t realized just how scared he’d been until this moment, holding Buck in his arms.  

Eddie had almost lost Buck so many times already; in the fire truck explosion, in the tsunami; hell he’d almost gotten taken out by a driverless, flaming car careening down a hill when they’d gone to Texas.  Almost losing him again had terrified Eddie so thoroughly that his hands now shook uncontrollably as he stroked Buck’s hair, whispering to him that he was okay, that he had him, that he would be just fine.  Buck’s eyes slowly closed again and his head rested heavily on Eddie’s chest, still regularly letting out small gasps for air, clearly unable to take a proper breath.

             After a moment, Eddie shook himself; Buck needed care right now, not emotions.  Swallowing the lump in his throat and blinking back the tears in his eyes, Eddie got to work.  First, he reached down and began tugging Buck’s sodden forest-green sweater off of him, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside.  Buck moaned as his bare skin was exposed to the air, and Eddie shushed him gently, reassuringly.  Eddie quickly stripped off his own jacket and button-up t-shirt, leaving him in just a tank top.  He quickly used his t-shirt to dry off as much of Buck’s skin as he could, feeling horrible for him, his skin icy cold everywhere Eddie touched.  Once he was as dry as Eddie could get him with the t-shirt, he carefully sat Buck up, drying his back as much as possible as well.

             Buck groaned as Eddie sat him up, feeling all his stiff muscles resisting the movement, but he did his best to help stay upright as he felt Eddie pulling his arm into a jacket sleeve.  It was a weird sensation; he could see Eddie pulling the fabric over his arms, but he could barely feel anything.  His skin felt like cold stone, unresponsive to touch.  He could kind of feel the weight of the jacket once it was properly settled on him, but couldn’t really feel the touch of the fabric on his skin.     

             “Come on, Buck, we have to get you up,” Eddie said encouragingly, bending over in front of Buck and reaching for him.  Buck whimpered involuntarily as he clung to Eddie’s arms and Eddie all but picked him up, Buck’s muscles screaming in protest.  He nearly fell over as soon as he was standing, his knees buckling instantly under his weight. 

Buck was breathing fast and shallow and felt dizzy as hell as he teetered on the spot; the only reason he didn’t collapse was because Eddie was holding onto him.  Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck’s waist and pulled Buck’s arm up behind his neck, supporting the vast majority of Buck’s weight as his legs refused to do the job.  With a lot of encouragement Buck was able to shuffle forwards, and Eddie half-carried, half-dragged him slowly along the dock.  He glanced back only once, vaguely noting that Buck’s jacket was laying on the ice, then looking away, focusing instead on where he could see Christopher still sitting on his sled, the woman he’d had call 9-1-1 still standing on the shore beside him.

             It took many long minutes to get Buck even close to the edge of the dock; the farther they moved, the more heavily Buck leaned on Eddie, what little strength he had very quickly leaving him.  Eddie shivered slightly in the cold breeze and felt instantly guilty;  if he was cold in his mostly dry tank top, how the hell did Buck feel?   Eddie’s head and heart suddenly lifted as he heard sirens approaching, and a moment later, an ambulance pulled into view at the top of the hill and parked, killing the sirens.

             “Eddie,” Buck muttered, speaking to the ground because he could barely lift his head, his speech slurred. “Need to stop.  Can’t feel my legs.”

             “Just a few more steps,” Eddie told him, tightening his grip on Buck’s waist and pulling him along.  They were almost to the end of the dock, and there was a bench on the shore that Eddie could sit Buck down on for a moment, just until the paramedics got down there.  Eddie saw the mother waving at the medics and they went over to her car first, where he could just barely see a small figure wrapped in a blanket.

             Buck groaned but did his best to obey, shuffling forward like an old man, his grip on Eddie getting looser instead of tighter as his energy waned and he came dangerously close to collapsing.  They had barely made it to the bench when Buck stumbled and began to fall.  Eddie managed to steer Buck to the side and he collapsed on the bench instead of the ground, Eddie losing his footing as well and nearly falling again.

             “Dad!” Christopher shouted at him as he righted himself, and Eddie realized he’d be so focused on Buck he hadn’t heard his kid calling to him.  “Is Buck okay?”

             “Yeah, mijo, he’s okay.” Eddie made sure that Buck was securely lying on the bench before turning to the woman whom he’d asked to watch Christopher.

             “Thank you so much, I really appreciate you watching him,” he told her gratefully, the stress and mounting worry evident in his voice.  She smiled grimly at him with a nod, then looked over at Buck.

             “Is he okay?” she asked, in a very different tone than Christopher, and Eddie knew she thought he’d been sugar coating it for his kid.

             “He will be, he just needs to warm up and get a lot of rest,” Eddie said, running a damp hand through his hair.  “Can I ask you one more favour?”

             “Of course.”

             “Can you go up there and tell the medics they need to come down here too?  In case the mom forgets.”  Eddie didn’t blame her if she did;  if it was Christopher who had fallen in the water, he would have been laser-focused on him too.

             “Absolutely,” she agreed, nodding.  She started to turn away, then looked back at him with a smile.  “Tell your husband he’s a hero, when he’s feeling better.”  

              Eddie found himself smiling at this, feeling his heart swell as he thought of Buck.  The brave idiot had scared the shit out of him once again, but Eddie swore it only made him love him more.

              “Not husband yet,” he said, looking over at Buck, who was still lying where he’d fallen on the bench, “but don’t worry, I plan on telling him the second he’s coherent.”

              The woman smiled and turned to make her way up the hill, and Eddie pulled Christopher’s sled closer to the bench, sinking down onto it beside Buck.  He gently pulled Buck onto his lap, half-sitting him up so he could lean on Eddie’s chest, holding him close as they waited. Buck gave a very soft gasp followed by a moan and turned his face towards Eddie’s chest, he soaked hair leaving a wet spot on Eddie’s tank top.

              “Did Buck save that girl?”  Christopher asked, pointing in the direction of the water, and then the parking lot.

              “Yeah, he did,” Eddie told him, squeezing Buck to acknowledge him.  Buck, while still conscious, had his eyes closed, and Eddie got the impression he wasn’t really hearing them.  Eddie slipped his fingers down to Buck’s throat and surreptitiously took his pulse as he explained to Christopher a sanitized version of what had happened.   

            Buck’s pulse was slow, slower than he’d expected, and Eddie swore inwardly, worried that he’d progressed beyond light hypothermia into moderate, which was much more problematic.  Eddie looked around to see if the woman had reached the medics yet, and was pleased to see the two paramedics already leading a stretcher down the hill, the woman standing at the top and watching their progress.  She saw Eddie looking and waved, and he waved back, beyond grateful for her help.

              The medics got to them quickly and Eddie briefed them on what had happened.  Buck seemed to have stopped making any effort to sit up or move by that point, so Eddie helped the medics lift him onto the stretcher.  Once he was settled they strapped him in and Eddie gave his cold cheek another stroke before they started to push the stretcher up the hill.  Eddie nearly went with them without a second thought, remembering at the last moment that he still had to get Christopher back up the hill too.  

            Eddie said some words of reassurance to his son, who was upset at seeing Buck being wheeled away on a stretcher, though he wasn’t even sure what he had said as he started to pull Christopher’s sled, following the medics up the hill.  He, too, was upset at seeing Buck being wheeled away, the nightmare of the fire truck explosion and Buck’s crushed leg flickering in his mind as he walked, and it was hard for him to think of anything else.

              When they got to the top of the hill, Eddie saw the medics were checking Buck’s vitals and so hurried over to their SUV.

              “Are you okay to wait here, mijo?” Eddie asked, lifting Christopher up and placing him gently into the backseat.  “I want to go and make sure Buck’s okay.”

              “Yes Dad,” Christopher said softly.   “Tell him I love him.”

              “I will.” Eddie kissed Christopher’s forehead, made sure the engine was running and the heat was on so he wouldn’t get cold, then closed the door and headed back over to the ambulance.

              Buck seemed slightly more coherent, his eyes heavy-lidded but open and trying to speak to the medics, though his words were still slurred and his voice very quiet.  He was visibly relieved when Eddie came into his line of vision and let out a small sigh, looking plaintively up at Eddie.

              “I thought you left,” Buck whispered, weakly reaching for Eddie’s hand.  Eddie, feeling his heart break even more and guilt kick at his insides, pulled Buck’s hand to his face, kissed the back of it gently, then wrapped both of his hands around it. 

              “Of course not,” Eddie told him firmly.  “Never.  I just had to get Christopher into the car.  He says he loves you, by the way.”

              “Love him too,” Buck mumbled, his eyes drifting closed for a moment before he forced them open again.  “He okay?”

              Eddie shook his head, exhaling in both exasperation and a soft, disbelieving laugh.  Even in this state; so cold he could barely move or speak, blood still dripping sluggishly from his nose, icy hair plastered to his head, all Buck could think about was other people.

              “He’s fine, Buck.  He’s just worried about you.  I am too.”

              The medics spoke up at that point, telling Eddie that Buck was stable but that he should get checked out anyway, and asking if they wanted transport to the hospital.

              “What about Molly?” Buck asked, his voice breaking as he attempted to speak.  Neither medic heard him properly, so Eddie repeated his question for him.

              “We advised the mother to take her to hospital.”

              Buck and Eddie both looked over at the car next to the ambulance.  The mother was sitting sideways in the passenger seat with the door open, her daughter sitting in her lap, wrapped in a blanket.  The mother was obviously still extremely distraught, still crying, her hands shaking as she clutched her daughter closely. 

              “Take her instead,” Buck said immediately, his voice a little louder this time, a little more firm.  Seeing the mother so scared and upset seemed to give him some strength, and Eddie squeezed his hand.

              “Buck, you need to go to the hospital,” Eddie told him, though he could already tell by the look in Buck’s eyes that Buck would literally argue this until he passed out from exhaustion if he had to.  Sighing, Eddie rubbed his eyes, feeling a distinct pain in his head behind them as the medics reiterated to Buck that he needed to go to the hospital. 

              “My boyfriend is a medic,” Buck insisted, trying to sit up, clumsily pulling at the strap over his chest.  “He can take care of me.”

              Eddie sighed again, but knew there was no point arguing.  Plus, he had to agree with Buck’s assessment of the mother of the girl.

              “Look, he’s right,” Eddie said, gesturing to the car beside them.  “She’s in no fit state to drive.  Take the girl, I can bring Buck to the hospital myself.”

              “I don’t need the hospital,” Buck told him, but since he spoke so quietly it was easy for Eddie to pretend he hadn’t heard.  The paramedics looked at each other a bit uneasily.

              “Are you sure?  He should really get checked out as soon as possible.”

              “I’ll bring him straight to the hospital,” Eddie promised, ignoring Buck’s wordless noise of protest.  The medics had Buck sign a form declining care, and one of the medics began to unstrap him as the other approached the mother.  

            Eddie suddenly felt the enormity of all of this slam into him at once as he watched the paramedic undoing Buck’s leg straps  and felt unbearably exhausted, actually having to shift his weight to stop himself falling over.  Seeing Buck on this stretcher like this, blood on his face, his hair plastered to his head, paler than Eddie had ever seen before; it was suddenly more than Eddie could handle.  Goosebumps erupted on his bare arms as a cold breeze ruffled his hair and made the water on his shirt feel even colder, but Eddie refused to let his feelings get the better of him and took a few deep breaths, looking away from Buck for a moment and shoving away his weakness into a dark corner of his mind.  Buck needed him to be strong, capable Eddie right now and that’s what he was going to get. 

              Eddie helped Buck sit up and then carefully held him tight as he stood, his legs still as weak and wobbly as before, but at least they didn’t have the daunting hill stretching before them this time.  It was easy enough for Eddie to lead Buck to the SUV, and once he was settled in the front seat, Eddie quickly dug through their suitcase in the back until he found a dry sweater for Buck, tossing the wet one in a corner of the trunk.   He helped Buck take off his jacket and get the sweater on, as it would warm him better than the jacket, pulling the coat back on himself before hurrying over to the driver’s seat.     

              “I don’t need to go to the hospital,” Buck said almost immediately as Eddie got into the vehicle and closed his door, tossing the key hub into the dash tray. Eddie reached over past Buck and pulled his seatbelt down, buckling him in, ignoring the look Buck was giving him. 

              “You’re going to the hospital,” Eddie said, pulling out of the parking space and driving off. 

              “Eddie, I’m fine,” Buck said in a pleading tone, his voice cracking.  “Please… I really don’t want to go.”

              Buck tone was one of desperation and Eddie glanced over at him for a moment as he waited to turn onto the highway.  Buck looked very upset, and Eddie could only imagine what he was going through as all the memories of hospital visits in the past rushed through his head. Eddie didn’t blame him for not wanting to add another one, especially in another country.  Especially when they were on vacation.  But still, Eddie was worried about him.

              “Buck, you were in that water for a long time,” Eddie said, unable to banish the uncertainty from his voice, shaking his head as he pulled out onto the highway and began to accelerate back towards the townsite. 

              “And you’ll take care of me.  Right?”  Eddie glanced sideways to see Buck give him a ghost of a smile and sighed as he felt his will crumbling, rolling his eyes at his own weakness.  He was quiet for a while, going over Buck’s symptoms in his mind, well aware that Buck was still looking at him.

              “Fine,” Eddie relented, and sensed rather than saw Buck sag with relief.  “But with a caveat,” Eddie continued immediately.  “If you feel worse or get any new symptoms you have to tell me, and it will be up to my discretion whether we get you checked out or not.  Got it?”

              “Okay,” Buck agreed in a small, breathy voice, leaning back against the seat, clearly exhausted.  Now that they were on the highway at a stable speed, Eddie let go of the steering wheel with one hand and reached for Buck’s, wrapping his warm fingers around Buck’s frigid ones.  Buck made a soft noise that Eddie wasn’t entirely sure was happy or sleepy, but either way, Eddie held Buck’s hand until they had to turn off the highway about twenty minutes later.  Their hotel was thankfully very close to the turnoff, and Eddie parked, darted in to check in, and then came back out.

              Eddie realized Buck had fallen asleep in the front seat and Eddie hopped back into the driver’s seat, reaching across to take Buck’s wrist.   Eddie settled two fingers over his pulse point and counted, satisfied that the rate was higher than it had been before, which hopefully meant he was stabilizing.  After watching Buck sleep for a moment with a small smile on his face, Eddie decided to take Christopher up to the room first, not having the heart to disturb the poor guy just yet. 

              Fifteen minutes later, Eddie had brought Christopher and all the luggage up to the room and came back for Buck, who was still sleeping peacefully in the warm SUV.  Eddie opened Buck’s door and slipped a hand up to Buck’s neck, gently stroking there before moving upwards and stroking his cheek gently instead, trying not to startle him.  He noticed that Buck had started shivering again and was glad; it meant he was slowly getting warmer.

              “Buck, come on,” Eddie said in a gentle, quiet voice as Buck stirred, slowly opening his eyes and blinking sluggishly at Eddie.  “Let’s get you upstairs.”

              Buck was very sleepy and still weak, so Eddie took his sweet time helping Buck out of the car and into the building, into the elevator and down the hall a short ways to their room, attracting a curious glance or two from the couple of people they passed. 

             Without telling Buck, Eddie had upgraded their basic room to a King Deluxe suite, so there was a separate master bedroom with a king sized bed and a wonderful ensuite bathroom, with a double bed in the living room for Christopher.  Buck looked around in faint surprise as Eddie led him into the room, smiling weakly as Christopher cheered their arrival and waved.   Christopher immediately got up and padded over to them, wrapping his arms around Buck’s middle as Buck steadied himself on the wall so he didn’t fall over onto him.

              “Glad you’re okay, Buck,” Christopher said into Buck’s sweater, and Buck smiled, weakly rubbing his back, his hands trembling.

              “Thanks b-buddy.  I’m g-glad too.”

              Eddie got Christopher settled in front of the TV again with a snack and led an exhausted, shuddering Buck into their bedroom, closing the door behind them. 

              “We need to warm you gradually,” Eddie said, as he noticed Buck looking longingly over at the large jacuzzi tub.   “No hot bath until you’re at a stable temperature for a while.” 

              Buck sank sadly down onto the bed, hoping he would at least be allowed to sleep if he wasn’t allowed to have a bath or go in the hot tub.  His shivers were unending and Buck stared down at his shaking hands, his eyes slowly closing even as he sat there.  

            Eddie came over with a warm, wet cloth and took Buck’s face in one hand, gently dabbing at the drying blood on Buck’s skin with the cloth until it was clean, his touch as light as possible to avoid hurting him.  Buck let out a soft noise of distress and pressed his cheek into Eddie’s hand.

              “Come on, let’s get those wet clothes off of you,” Eddie said placatingly, giving Buck’s cheek a stroke before tossing aside the cloth and helping Buck take off his soaked boots, socks, pants and boxers. As much as Eddie wanted to comfort Buck, getting him warm was more important.  

             Eddie helped Buck into a pair of warm, dry underwear, and then pulled back the blanket on the bed.  Confused, Buck was too weak to protest as Eddie gently pulled Buck’s shirt off, Buck immediately crossing his arms over his pecs in an attempt to feel warmer. 

 “What are you-” Buck started, watching with growing confusion as Eddie peeled his own t-shirt off, leaving him bare chested. 

              “Body heat is the best way to gradually warm someone,” Eddie explained, flashing a brilliant smile at Buck that would have made him weak in the knees had he not already been weak in the knees.   “Come on.  We have an hour until Christopher’s movie is over.”

              Buck smiled faintly as Eddie helped him lie down, his body feeling extremely heavy the moment he was horizontal.  He was absolutely exhausted, and his eyes were already closed by the time Eddie joined him in bed and pulled the blanket over them. 

              Eddie let out a loud, involuntary gasp as he pulled Buck close, Buck’s chilled skin pressing against Eddie’s warm chest, the chill shocking him more than he’d expected.  Buck let out a very small laugh at the sound of his gasp, and Eddie felt Buck relax in his arms as he snuggled up against Eddie’s front.

              Within a few minutes, Buck began to shiver harder.  Buck whimpered and Eddie held him even closer as he shook, his whole body twitching.  Eddie had been expecting this, but clearly Buck hadn’t, if the way he curled up tightly against Eddie’s chest was any indication.

              “W-why n-now?” Buck asked, shivering so violently he could barely speak, his teeth chattering and his hands trembling as he reached up to push his hair off of his forehead.

              “Because before you were too hypothermic to even shiver,” Eddie explained, leaning forward and kissing Buck on the forehead, reaching up to stroke his hair.  “I know it feels shitty, but I promise it’s a good thing.  It means you’re warming up.”

              Buck let out a small groan and ducked his head, resting it on Eddie’s arm, letting out a long, shaky breath.  Eddie pulled Buck to his chest and held him close as he trembled, as he let out small gasps and moans as the shivers wracked his body.  Eddie’s heart felt like it physically hurt as he listened to Buck’s ragged breathing, his weak gasps and whimpers as the convulsions continued. Eddie wished nothing more than to be able to take away the horrible feeling from him, to be able to protect Buck from everything in the world. 

              “You’re a hero, you know that?” Eddie murmured after a while into Buck’s damp hair, kissing the top of his head.  “You saved that little girl.”

              “You w-would’ve d-done the s-same,” Buck replied shakily in a muffled voice, his head still tucked down against the crook of Eddie’s shoulder.   Eddie shrugged.

              “Yeah, but I didn’t.  You did.”

              “O-only because you w-weren’t th-there f-first,” Buck protested, and Eddie laughed softly, kissing Buck’s forehead again.

              “Just take the compliment, Buck,” Eddie said in quiet exasperation, shaking his head.  “You’re a damn hero.”

              Buck didn’t say anything else, but Eddie felt him smile against his bicep.   Eddie kept up a slow, gentle stroking of Buck’s back to comfort him and within a few moments, Eddie felt Buck’s weight press more heavily into him.   He continued to shiver, but not as intensely, and Eddie could tell that he’d fallen asleep.  Knowing that he’d likely be out for a while, Eddie gently extricated himself, gave Buck a quick kiss and covered him with the blanket, tucking it all around him so he was nice and snug. 

              Eddie pulled a long-sleeved shirt on and headed out into the living room so Christopher didn’t feel abandoned, watching the rest of the movie with him and playing a round of Kids’ Trivial Pursuit with him.  A couple of hours later, Christopher was cheering his victory against Eddie when Eddie heard Buck’s soft voice calling.  Eddie laughed, ruffling Christopher’s hair, and hurried off to check on Buck while Christopher reset the game.

              “How are you doing, Buck?”  Eddie asked, coming into the room to see Buck propped up on the pillows, looking somewhat more alert than he had. 

              “S-still c-cold,” Buck shivered, pulling the blanket up to his bare shoulders.  “B-but I’m h-hungry and don’t want to l-lie here anymore.”

              Eddie smiled and came over to Buck’s side of the bed, sitting down and taking Buck’s hand, sliding his fingers over Buck’s pulse once more.   Buck looked at him with a bit of a sad, vulnerable expression on his face, which melted Eddie’s heart and made it hard to concentrate.  He was pleased to feel that Buck’s heart rate had increased again and felt stronger than it did before. 

              “Come on.  Let’s get you some food,” Eddie said once he was done, shifting to take Buck’s hand and pull him into a standing position, realizing belatedly that he was still mostly naked.

              “I sh-should probably p-put some c-clothes on,” Buck said, crossing his arms over his chest again to try and keep warm as the cool air of the room wafted over his skin. “D-don’t want to scar C-christopher.”

              “Right,” laughed Eddie, rifling through their suitcases and finding Buck some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie and helping him get dressed.   Once he was dressed and standing unsteadily by the bed, Eddie took his hand to lead him out into the other room.

              “Wait,” Buck said, as Eddie started to pull him forward.  Eddie stopped, turning back to him curiously.  “I… I didn’t get to say anything b-back there, but I h-heard what you said.” 

              “What do you mean?” Eddie asked, though he thought he knew.  Back when he was trying to pull Buck in, when he was trying to encourage him, he’d been shouting all kinds of things, not even really aware of what he’d been saying, though he suspected he knew what he’d said. 

              “You… you said you love me.”  Buck said quietly, biting his lower lip a little, suddenly bashful.  “Did… did you mean that?  O-or was it just because you were afraid I w-was dying?”

              Eddie looked down at him for a moment, thoughtful, then reached up with both of his hands and took Buck’s face gently in them.  Eddie leaned in as Buck’s eyes fluttered closed and pressed his lips to Buck’s, stroking Buck’s cheeks with his thumbs as he kissed him.  Eddie felt Buck melt into his embrace and smiled into the kiss, slowly pulling away many moments later and looking down as Buck’s eyes opened to meet his.

              “I love you,” Eddie said simply with a light shrug, smiling and taking Buck’s hand once more.  Buck seemed momentarily stunned, but then his face lit up, his grin nearly as bright as it usually was despite his continued shivering.

              “I love you too.”

                                                            * * *

              A few days later, Buck was enthusiastically ready to leave the hotel once again.  He had slept a lot over the last few days, and he hadn’t stopped shivering until well into the night the day of the incident.  Eddie had extended their stay by a few days so Buck could rest, and he’d been alternating between sleeping in the king-sized bed with Eddie or napping on the couch, often with Christopher snuggled up beside him, watching (or sleeping through) a movie.  They played board games several times, as Buck could sit, wrapped in a blanket, and be perfectly comfortable.  Eddie had taken a quick trip to a nearby grocery store for snacks and had been ordering meals so that Buck didn’t overtax himself going out, which was nice the first two days but was starting to irk him by the third, as he was starting to feel a little suffocated.  

            The only major downside to his recovery had been discovering how sensitive his skin was after being so cold for so long, especially his fingers.  When Eddie had finally cleared him to have a nice warm bath, Buck had yelped as he sank into the water and submerged his hands; they felt like they were burning, the same sensation as having a hot shower with a sunburn. This meant the hot tub was out of the question and Buck had sulked about that for a while, wanting nothing more than to submerge himself in hot, bubbly water. 

              Thankfully, the sensitivity had subsided over the last few days and now they were, finally, heading out for a day’s sightseeing.  Their first trip was to a nearby hot springs, on Buck’s insistence that he was better.  It was snowing and the effect was magical as they watched the snow melt as it hit the steamy barrier floating up from the springs pool.  Christopher was mesmerized and Buck was mostly just pleased that he was able to soak without (much) pain, finally feeling like his old self again.  

            The only obvious sign that anything had happened was the purple bruises under either of his eyes from when the girl had kicked him in the nose.  Eddie had insisted that they weren’t as obvious as they felt, but Buck still felt self conscious about them, trying to avoid looking people in the eyes when he met them.  It also made kissing Eddie a little more difficult; Eddie’s nose had accidentally bumped his despite Eddie being as careful as possible just that morning and the sudden pain had taken Buck’s breath away. 

             Buck and Eddie followed behind Christopher as he led them up and down the town’s main street, going in and out of gift shops, buying souvenirs and fudge, getting an ice cream from a famous ice cream shop, even though it was cold outside.  Eddie pulled Buck into an outdoor supplies shop and bought him a comfortable new jacket and a teal knitted toque like the one he’d lost, getting both Christopher and himself the same hat to match, upon Christopher’s excited request.

             They stopped to have lunch at a cute little pub with great Irish food and were just stepping away from the door when something collided with Buck’s leg.  Buck looked down in surprise to see a young girl, who threw her arms around his waist.  He looked around, confused, until he saw the girl’s mother approaching with her small son in tow, and realized this must be the girl he’d pulled from the water.

             “Hi Molly,” Buck said, smiling, patting her on the back as she clung to him.  She said nothing, but her grip on his waist tightened as he said her name.

             “I’m so sorry we didn’t get to thank you the other day,” the mother said to him as she came level with them.  “Thank you so much.  I can’t even begin to repay you for what you did, you nearly died for a little girl you’ve never even met.”

             “It’s alright, ma’am,” Buck said, feeling his face flush as he felt rather than saw both Christopher and Eddie watching them.

             “We’re firefighters,” Buck said, gesturing to Eddie and himself.  “It’s what we do, I didn’t think anything of it.”

             “Cool!” The little boy behind his mother poked his head around her side to stare at Buck and Eddie.  “I wanna be a firefighter when I grow up!”

             Eddie grinned and high fived the little boy, who seemed star struck to meet two real-life firefighters.  They spoke with the mother and her kids for several minutes, until Christopher started to shift uncomfortably, feeling cold from standing in one place for too long.

             “Well, we won’t take any more of your time,” the woman, Eleanor, said.  “Thank you, again.  Both of you.  If there’s anything I can ever do to help you in any way, please, don’t hesitate to call.” 

             Eleanor pressed a business card into Buck’s hand so he would have her phone number and peeled Molly from Buck’s side, where she still was, refusing to let go. 

             “Thank you,” Molly said in a tiny voice, looking up at him, before dashing back towards her mother and hiding behind her, suddenly shy.  Buck laughed, then waved as they walked away, Molly looking back him several times and giving him a small wave before they disappeared around the corner.

             “Told you,” Eddie said, taking Buck’s hand as they walked slowly in the opposite direction back towards their car.  “You’re a hero.”

             Buck felt himself blushing again as he tried to wave off Eddie’s words, but as Christopher cheered in agreement and Eddie pulled him over to give him a kiss, Buck had to admit it felt pretty good to know that he’d saved that girl and he was no worse for wear besides the bruises on his face.

             “Fine, fine,” Buck said gruffly after Eddie had pulled away from the kiss as Christopher let out an “ewwww!” and they all laughed. 

             They got back to the car and Buck helped Christopher into the back seat, buckling him up before closing the door.   Buck turned around to see a squirrel bounding across the sidewalk right near him and watched, wrapping his arms around his chest as he shivered a bit in the cold air, even though he was in his snug new jacket. 

             “I thought you were an honourary Canadian?” Eddie teased, coming around the side of the car to see what he was looking at.

             “I was, until I spent twelve minutes in a freezing lake,” Buck lamented, and Eddie made a noise somewhere between concern and a laugh.  “I will never complain about being too warm in LA ever again.”

             Eddie actually laughed then, and clapped Buck on the back.  They both jumped into the SUV, Buck behind the steering wheel this time as Christopher excitedly asked where they were headed now.  They’d had quite the misadventure here but they were ready to continue on their journey as a family, just the three of them.  

                                                         * * * 

Thank you so much for reading!  Please let me know what you thought!

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Tag list:  @outside-the-government​​ @littlecarowrites​​ @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse​​ @stormsnevercometostay​​ @southernbellestatues  @mad-girl-without-a-box​​ @reading-in-moonlight​

[skylawrites]

A/N: Hi! I wrote this a month or two ago, based on the song "Achilles Come Down" by Gang of Youths. And it turned into this! It's Hurt/comfort. With some angst. Also I would like to mention that if any of my stories have a spelling or grammar error that I missed feel free to correct me! So I hope you enjoy!

Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt. Suicidal Thoughts. Yelling/fighting.

Davey was tired. He was tired of having to deal with this stress. The stress of everything going downhill. His family's health wasn't the best at the moment, and in a result he was being ignored. His basic needs being pushed aside because someone was worse off. He didn't want to resent his family but he didn't know how not to. How he was expected to be this perfect boy, when he too was human and made mistakes. His dad had gotten badly sick and now Davey had to work twice as hard as before to pay for the medical bills and so his family had a place to live.

    He had basically been put in charge of caring for Les because his mom was constantly at work. Which in its self was hard. How do you raise a child at age 17? He didn't even have his own life together.

     Davey was done.

     The cold wind whipped through his hair. The lights sitting the sidewalk seemed small from the edge of the building. The people looked like ants, each having a role in society's anthill. And what was Davey here for? He wanted to have a life. Be able to talk to his friends again. If he had any left, after distancing himself from them for so long.They probably hated him, didn't want anything to do with him.

    His feet were pressed against the edge. Looking below at the concrete, which he would soon hit. When he took this next step he would be gone. In a flash. No more running, no more hiding. Just gone. He wished he could say goodbye to Les one last time. But he couldn't back down now. Hopefully Les will understand. And someday grow to be a responsible, successful adult.

    Taking a deep breath and absorbing the last of the feel of New York. His home. Then he stepped off with one foot.

🗞🗞🗞

Jack and Crutchie stood in the streets. Walking to their rooftop in which they lived to settle down for the night. Jack sighed in frustration . Davey had been avoiding Jack for 2 weeks now. Why? He had tried to exchange conversation but every time Davey didn't seem to hear. He wasn't coming with the others to Jacobi's like usual. Nor had he seemed to talk to anyone else. Jack hadn't seen Davey smile in a long time. And to say the least he just missed Davey. Was it something Jack did or said? Maybe if he-

"What's that?" Crutchie asked snapping Jack out of his thoughts and back to reality. Crutchie was pointing towards the top of the building. It was hard to make out but jack saw a person. Standing dangerously close to the edge. Jack immediately understood what was going on and gasped.

"Crutchie keep heading home I'll be right there." He said urgency prominent in his voice. As he was running away he called behind him "if trouble arises go to the theatre!"

And with that Jack was off. Climbing the fire escape stair by stair, the rattling sound of metal resonating through the silent night air. When he made it to the top he shook with shock. 

    Davey started to fall. But something Jerked him back.  Something caught his body, hurling it back, Landing on top of someone with a thud. He hissed in pain.

     "What the hell dave,"

Davey would recognize the voice of Jack Kelly anywhere. But opposed to the confident, sarcastic, flirtatious tone he usually had his voice sounded weak, scared, hurt.

      Davey didn't respond. A hot tear glided down his face.

Jack placed a hand on Davey's shoulder. Looking him in the eyes.

"Why?" He whispered out.

    Davey didn't respond.

"WHY!?" Jack yelled.

     Davey couldn't look Jack in the eyes. His forced the words out of his mouth

     "Jackie I am so sorry..."

then he broke. Falling to his knees on the pavement. Sobs racking his frame.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

     Jack took his arms and wrapped them the other boy.

Chiding him. He stroked a hand through Davey's hair.

Tears spilled out of Jack's eyes as well.

    Davey cried until he had nothing left in him. He sat sniffling and gasping for air. He pushed away from Jack. Standing up.

     Jack stood as well. Both boys eyes were red from the crying.

     Davey turned to walk away.

"I should get going it's getting late,"

"You say that as if nothing ever happened."

Davey chuckled. Wiping his wet eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"I guess I've got a few minutes to spare."

     Rain began to spill out of the dark clouds above. Smashing against the pavement.

     Jack looked at Davey then at the streets. He grabbed Davey by the arm. And led him down the stairs and off the roof of the building.

    As the ran became harder Jack's pace quickened. He hoped Cruthie had made it back to the rooftop alright. Just as he went to turn into an alleyway Jack ran into someone. He looked up, his eyes meeting none other than Oscar Delancy.

     "Oh my? If it isn't our favorite little newsboy." He snarled.

   Jack took a step back. Regaining his stance. Oscar raised a first. Morris's eyes caught Davey's and had a mutual moment of understanding. Morris grabbed his brothers fist before he could do any harm.

    "Let's get going. It's getting late." He said gesturing towards their apartment.

    Oscar looked pissed but didn't really have to energy to argue with Morris.

      He looked Jack in the eyes one more time and said, "don't think you're getting some special treatment Jack." Before flipping him off and leaving.

    Davey mouthed "thank you," to Morris and he nodded back.

     The rain began to come down harder. Thunder boomed. Davey and Jack exchanged a look.

      "My house is about a mile down." Davey said. "We can split paths now? Or you could come home with me?"

      Jack examined the sky. The wind was picking up speed.

      "I know a better place."

He pulled Davey about a block down until they were outside the theatre. Jack swung open the back door and Davey followed him inside.

      They stood gasping for air, clothed drenched.

       "Is that you Jack?" A voice called. As Medda appeared in front of the boys.

     "Yeah," Jack greeted her,

      She examined the boys and exclaimed "oh my, it is really coming down out there. Here take these."

      She threw 2 towels to jack and he took one a wrapped it around his shoulders and the other around Davey's. Medda looked over at Davey's tear-stained face.

     "Would you like some water dear?" She asked.

     Davey nodded. Medda turned to walk away, Jack stopped her.

      "May I get one too?"

     "Yes Jack," she called behind her.

      When she had left Davey went over to the nearest wall. He leaned and sunk to the ground in a sitting position. Plopping his face into his hands.

    Jack sat down next to him. And wrapped an arm around him in comfort.

     Davey sank into the embrace and sighed.

     "Jack, I am so sorry,"

     "Hey," Jack wiped the tears off Davey's face. "We went over this, I ain't mad."

     "I- I know but-"

     "There's no buts. I'm just happy your alive Dave."

     Davey let out a small laugh. And whispered "me too."

     Davey fiddled with his hair. Which stuck to the sides of his face. Dripping with rainwater.

     Jack noticed and took one of the towels by his side and ruffled it through Davey's hair. Davey burst out laughing. And playfully slapped Jack with the towel beside him. Jack lowered his hands placing the towel on the ground. Davey's hair was now just damp and had started to become frizzy.

     Miss Medda returned with the water a few moments later handing them over.

    They both thanked her.

     "If you boys need anything else, don't hesitate to ask alright?"

     "Alright." Jack confirmed.

     When she left again Davey leaned his head on Jack shoulder. Jacks face flushed a bright red. He rubbed soothing circles on Daveys back. Both boys sat for what seemed like hours. Before drifting off to sleep.

      Medda had come back into the room a little while later to find the boys soundly sleeping on each other's shoulders. She smiled to herself. Those boys really were made for each other.

1,396 words

A/N: If you ever feeling Suicidal please reach out. It's important for you to take care of your mental heath. And I know that times may be hard. And it may seem like it will never get better, but it will. So stay around. And find the thing that makes you want to stay.

      I hope you enjoyed that! And I should have another oneshot soon after I edit it! I hope all of you lovely humans have a wonderful day!! （＾∇＾）

- Sky ☁️