#but yeah i'm insane anyway

[screentones]

might reread iron man vol 5 again but thinking about recorder 451 again. thinking about the sense of personal or individualism present in how 451 handles himself and others around him. how he is very up close and personal with situations and the goals he has. and how that contrasts with how he's supposed to be. the idea of fighting against his purpose to the point of going the complete opposite direction. how that impacts his actions, movements, and even how he talks.

how even though 451 is meant to be an observer, a machine that watches and records, he instead attempts to do everything personally. he is right up and personally and admitting to everything he has done. after he invertedly killed all of the voldi, he not only gave the exact number but he basically was like "yes, you can blame me for that." there's an awareness that he has that he shouldn't have and in a way that drives him to be far more personal than he actually should be 451 is capable of hesitation, but if he hesitates, there's a chance he'll fall back into how he was built to act and he cannot afford that if it means completing his goal.

i think what's even more fascinating about it is how he dies. 451 was meant to be something that simply watches, observes from a distance and goes back to be reset. but he can't be reset, he has a glitch, a mutation. it's fascinating how when he dies, he appears to be someone having a mental breakdown. everything he's been fighting for--the contradiction of his own existence--finally crashing into him as he realizes how wrong he was. he literally leans into tony as if he wants comfort while his dialogue literally paints this picture of that glitch finally being caught by the rest of his programming. it's this horribly morbid picture of his systems eating itself until he deletes himself. he did what was 'supposed' to happen so long ago--be wiped clean.

[liauditore]

how many belts and buckles does she need someone save me.

[otome-dissection]

Idk man I just think that mizu/ena5 and its progression was really beautiful actually. I just think that the release of the ena5 song was also really beautiful and kind of the nail in the coffin for me and I haven't been able to get the event(s) out of my head all week and that I kind of want to talk about it, actually.

It's about being hurt so deeply and continuously that any kindness that could be offered to you manages to feel like a sin, that it makes you crumble and shatter but for all the wrong reasons, not because of the newfound safety, not out of relief, but something worse and more deeply ingrained in you than kindness ever was. It's about carefully measuring the distance at which you keep others away from yourself, to ensure that it never happens again ("To save yourself the trouble", if that makes it easier).

It's about realizing that the people you've been spending all this time with are drifting closer, that they just might bump up against the unsightly parts of yourself that you've tried to keep locked away, it's about turning around and sprinting at full speed and slamming the door shut and holding onto the handle behind you to stop it from turning, because you're as frightened of the possibility of another wound being inflicted on you as you are of the possibility that kinder, gentler hands will reach out and smooth over the exposed scar. It's about hating eyes that judge and silently condemn you as much as you hate eyes that simply see you and take all of you in without scrutiny, because no matter what they're looking and they're looking at you and they know that your hand's on that door handle and they know that you're hiding something because, as much as you try to keep it shut, they've seen through the crack that you foolishly left open.

(The prominence of eyes in Bake no Hana, specifically eyes looking and searching, and finally landing on you, the viewer, Mizuki, is so fucking. Visceral in my opinion. Every character in the MV stares at the viewer in a deadpan, almost judging way. Even though Mizuki knows deep down that niigo won't really hate them, won't judge them, she just can't stand their kindness either; any gaze directed at her is a loss, another prick in their skin. It screams "don't look at me" while making sure that you know, with horrific certainty, that they're looking for you, that you're being watched. You can't go outside, can't leave your room, because they're searching for you, and while that should be reassuring, to you it's anything but).

It's about not wanting to be dissected, whether it's with hands that want to pull your organs apart or stitch them back together because no matter what they're there, and they're getting frighteningly close to your heart. It's about blinding yourself and covering your eyes to it all because seeing means exposure and exposure means they're taking something from you and you can't do anything about it, much less take it all back, much less have a say in the matter. Everyone's just taking and taking and taking and you wish you could just be alone. You wish everyone would just disappear and you could live in a world all to yourself, for only yourself (but is that really what you want?).

It's about the way that, near the beginning of the Yoka ni Mitoreta MV, Mizuki and her loneliness is represented as a dark, splotchy stain in the shadows. No colors, no patterns, no way to clean it or wash it all away, just raw ugliness marring a blank canvas. It's about the way that Ena reaches out to it anyway, the way she startles when the glass shatters just when she finally starts reaching forward, the way that the rest of the MV/song represents her searching for and reaching only further out to Mizuki, even if the broken shards of glass will only cut her fingers, potentially leaving scars.

It's about how, in every way, subtly, directly, consciously, and subconsciously, Ena shows that she fucking cares.

It's about the way that Ena lets Mizuki have autonomy, despite the situation being so horribly out of their control. And it's such a delicate thing: If she really wants to, Mizuki can take the opportunity to just run away, keep running forever, repeat the cycle over and over, and maybe she'll just destroy herself with it again, but it can't be denied that it's something important to them, something she can't quite live without just yet, their means of survival. Mizuki's autonomy is their identity, it's her tailoring her own clothes and choosing her own ribbons and styling her own hair the way she does. Ena letting them have that is as much about trust as it is about understanding that Mizuki of all people should have this right, when control was something stripped from her throughout so much of her life. She couldn't control how she was born, how people look at her or why, can't control what they think of her; lacking control has only left Mizuki vulnerable to the cruelties of others, has only caused them to suffer, which is why it's so important that it's given to them now.

She had the control to make the choice to see niigo's welcoming love and run away instead of staying, and she has the control to make the choice now whether she wants to keep things the way they are or take a step forward to be at their side again. She has every right to have it, and I think the fact that Ena realizes and respects that, even if it's subconsciously, is really beautiful (there is an entire fucking Verse about this in the new song and just. God Look at this. It's so caring, unconditional, and for fucking What. I think there is something to be said about how much Ena is willing to put aside for Mizuki, and maybe deep down it isn't healthy, but for now I'm just kind of in awe)

It's about how insanely patient Ena has been this whole time. Mizuki says that she basically lied to Ena's face about telling her their secret, even after Ena said with such conviction that she would wait for Mizuki as long as it takes, and Ena is just kept waiting and waiting and worrying like this seemingly indefinitely. It's about how Mizuki danced around it, avoided it, kept the distance, straight up ran when she was finally pushed, but Ena still chased anyway when she saw that she couldn't wait anymore, kept chasing just enough to intervene and get a straight answer out of Mizuki when she really needed to, but still leaving her enough space to leave if that was truly what she wanted. It's about how relieved Ena is the moment that Mizuki finally says outright how much they want to be with her and niigo, how much she wants to try, how much more light Ena's voice sounds when she grabs her hand, relieved, the way that the relief she feels can be felt through the music, throughout the entirety of Yoka ni Mitoreta, the way that warm colors always follow her when she chases after Mizuki, just to hold onto her and stop her from running away completely.

It's about how that careful combination of Ena's directness, Ena's persistence, Ena's warmth, her patience, her bluntness about her feelings, the way she chases and holds on but not too tight and her regard for how unsafe and exposed Mizuki feels actually works and breaks it all down. It's about how she really did reach through to Mizuki, despite the thorns and broken glass shards and nearly-unfulfilled promises, the way that Mizuki did finally let her turn the door handle and step through to see what she'd been hiding all this time, the way that Mizuki's hand, limp, when Ena first grabs onto it, shifts to hold hers back as they cry in the face of Ena's gentleness.

Despite how harsh Mizu/Ena5, and even Ena herself as a character can be (or at least was in the very beginning of pjsk), everything is somehow gentle and warm in the end, blindingly so. And you know what, I think that's beautiful. And what's even more beautiful than that is how Mizuki allows themself to crumble and shatter under that kindness, that warm light, but this time, finally, out of relief.

On a final note, I just want to say that I also appreciate how all that didn't have to solve everything. The scars haven't disappeared, haven't gone away, and Mizuki knows that their desire to run hasn't gone away forever, and maybe it never truly will. But for now they've calmed it, at least a little. She's learning to allow herself to be seen, learning that when someone's fingertips brush over their scars the way Ena's did that it's only out of care, and that maybe taking in that care and allowing herself to feel kindness and safety is okay. They're safe, for now, somehow. They're learning. They're trying. And I think that's cool :)

[nikooo-whathehell]

FUCK star-crossed lovers trope. It's time for double stars lovers trope NOW.

The "only you can show me this",

the "you are my partner",

the "you were never broken",

the "we finish this together",

the "because I promised you".

[smile-files]

mommy let you use her ipad, you were barely two

and it did all the things we designed it to do

now look at you, look at you!

(objectober 2024 day 10: internet)

[introspectivememories]

too many of you guys think nico is the loser and not lewis for letting the divorce go on for so long. like they're both losers about each other. emotionally constipated idiots who can't talk about their toxic homoerotic friendship that imploded on itself like 8 years ago and are now making it everyone else's problem. yeah nico's on television or in beer gardens talking about lewis all the time but like every other month some reporter is like "lewis, what's your favorite moment in your career?" and lewis no hesitation is like "oh man, karting, y'know? everything was simpler then" and then spends another six months skirting around nico's name. like this whole thing they're doing in the media isn't some kinda extended foreplay for them. they're both still pressing on the bruise to make sure it's still there!!! every few months, they're literally just asking on public television, does it still hurt for you like it does for me? and like clockwork, someone will release new information about them or one of them will say something about each other (in my heart, he's still my best friend/yes... and teammate) and the answer will remain the same, yes, of course, always.

[notsogoodangel]

I'm just saying that there's no heterosexual explanation for AJ, as the Champion, having a twink actually running Parkour Civilization.

[duchess-doodles]

Have a wip because I'm going fucking insane

[s0up1ta]

my contribution to all three mexican gothic enjoyers on this website

[djevelbl]

Alright! So! Kaboodle has been haunting my head like a cool little ghost roomie for a wee bit now /pos and I just,,,, look my blog is alllll about incoherently screaming into the void that is the internet about whatever is haunting my head this time, it was inevitable that bnuuy girliepop would get her own post ok? If nothing else, then it's surprising it hasn't happened before--

(like with Branzy's post from a while back, this is a character analysis of, y'know, THE CHARACTER??? so yeah! This is about the bunny girl killing ppl on LifeSteal and not whoever the hell talks behind the mic! I don't feel like I should have to say this, but I've seen ppl be dumbasses over LS!Kab AND actual Kaboodle too. so. don't be an idiot over this — you're encouraged to scroll on if you don't care to read it! This applies to any other names I throw around, like always — happy reading!)

So to preface whatever word vomit I'm about to commit, lemme bring it all out already: my knowledge of LifeSteal Season Six (the one that features Kaboodle) is basically One (1) whole recent stream, and maybe three videos all set on the very beginning of the season — don't expect this to be accurate, but I'll do my very best based on what I've got on hand.

With that out of the way, I'll proceed to yank bnuuy girliepop by the hair and into my microscope:

It's no secret that Kaboodle has a bit of a problem with trusting people, even to the point where she called whatever happened with ash "betrayal," when most of us wouldn't consider it that — she was taken advantage of (from what I understand of her POV to the situation), sure, but they were never teammates, they were never friends in the server; she's been having a big problem with trust and how she uses it, mostly because she's very extroverted and people-oriented — less in the sense that she knows how to read people and the little signs within their voices, and more in the sense that she thrives around people. She's insecure over her own survival abilities and her PVP prowess, and as such has taken to leaning on others to cover up her blindspots — she's been leaning on those surrounding her like her life depends on it because, to a certain extent, it does: if you don't know how to fight, you find someone who does and attach yourself to them, learn their tactics, grow alongside them so you can stand on your own; Kaboodle is still not yet there, she's just now realizing she has to stop trusting people just because they were chill with her once.

But she thrives within a group, she's extroverted and is fed energy through chatter and socializing — that type of person will intrinsically have it harder to detach their feelings from being projected onto other people (reason why she considers the ashswag incident a betrayal, even though I'm pretty sure there wasn't any precedent for trust to be placed on him) and as such will simply have it harder to keep to themselves; we can see this so clearly in how she interacts with others: she doesn't move even an inch, no flinch and no instinct to run away even as Clown launches into the air and he fakes an attack on her with the Mace. She follows ManePear around as they sneak close to PrinceZam and baconnwaffles0 to eavesdrop on their conversation, and barely fights back as she gets killed a half hour or so after with no indication of why he would do that. She calls Zam her "frenemy" and while that word includes enemy in its spelling, it also includes friend.

She still hasn't quite let go of Squiddo's betrayal, and while I'm not informed on what that situation is, I can say one thing about it: Squiddo learned from last season that they shouldn't blindly trust whoever she calls a friend outside of LifeSteal, I'm sure (the temporary ban they got for helping Wemmbu with... I think it was his orbital cannon??? Plus his support of the 4Cvit and Reddoons team-up over his support of Squiddo; these things would do that to you), so she doesn't — they allow herself to be friends and have teammates, allies, so on, but they're not above taking sides if that means she gets out on top (their betrayal of 4Cvit leaves this being very clear to the audience — she's done playing around, they're here to survive and win it; as much as one wins LifeSteal, of course) and this is a lesson all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed new LifeStealers have to learn if they want to come back next season: whatever you and someone else had outside of LifeSteal stays outside of LifeSteal — once you're inside, your relationships are inherently different. There's no way about it.

Clown understands this — he's willing to partner up with friends and foes so long as it benefits him, and he's not above getting dirty if that's what it takes; he trusts people as far as he can throw them, and he fucking hates knockback on his weapons. Kaboodle is not exempt from this rule, regardless of whatever relationship they shared before LifeSteal Season Six — she can't quite wrap her head around this notion, especially obvious on her video about her first experience on the server: one of the first things she did in that thing was showing the audience a chart she made on how much she trusts people on the server, and in that chart she singled out Clown by saying that there's nothing that would make her distrust him because they're friends! They know each other! She knows him better than most do!

But he's not the guy she knows — he's most of that man, sure, but she's never experienced first hand how Clown is on the server.

What I find interesting, is that one stream I watched — technically I watched two: Kaboodle's Confrontation stream from the 5th, and Clown's POV of the same conversation; I didn't watch the whole Clown VOD, but it got pointed out to me (everyone thank clownscasino for this) that Clown was scared — to me he seemed more nervous than scared, but the point still stands on this whole thing: Clown was uneasy over meeting Kaboodle to discuss... Whatever it is she wanted to speak about; he wasn't indifferent, curious, bored — he was specifically uneasy over the concept. The conversation hung over his head like a thunderstorm cloud, never leaving and never lessening — he was affected by the idea and sure, it was because he thought she would try to kill him, but doesn't that say a lot about him?

He cares. In the absence of somebody to stay by his side, he's come to care for a familiar face.

... Did you know Branzy had been Clown's teammate consistently for three seasons in a row? (more or less — I'm new to this thing, cut me some slack) that's an incredible number, considering how polarizing and dividing LifeSteal can easily become for its players — they've all bounced around teams and allies like a twink at a fraternity party, yet Branzy had always remained by Clown's side; similarly, Clown stuck by Branzy's. They didn't help each other frequently — mostly because by the end of their runtime Branzy wasn't logging in all that much — but they sure as all hell stayed loyal to one another; there's a reason their duo is so popular, regardless of whether you wanna mash their character together like two Barbies or not: even within the massacre and bloodshed of LifeSteal, the violence and backstabbing and betrayal, the Funhouse Duo/Clownzy have always stood by each other.

Season Six is the first time that Clown doesn't have his bestie of all besties/his work bf around to lean back on — he's left on his own, and while he can certainly survive and even thrive on his own, it just isn't the same; there's no more friendly face he can pick out from the crowd, no more loving person to care for and fret over. He's always been alone, at the end of the day, but it hasn't stung half as much as it does now.

All of this is to say: Clown is an introvert telling Kaboodle to just "not trust people", while Kabs is an extrovert who can't help how she gets attached to people — they're an interesting duo to watch as they discuss, because while Kaboodle says that she's gonna start being more careful around people, not trusting others etc. etc., she still stays put as she watches Clown come down on her, Mace in hand. She still tells him that she trusts him as he's telling her "well you shouldn't!" She still follows ManePear around and gives him iron when she's asked, based on the momentary truce they held, a precarious thing entirely dictated by his hand and not hers.

I get what Clown is saying when he tells her to "not trust anyone — not even me", as he's the veteran between them and the one who has the most knowledge, he understands how the server operates and what the point of it all is, the atmosphere bred within its code and how it spreads like a disease amongst its players, yet it just circles back to being annoying — it reminds me of that conversation Woogie (I think) and Kaboodle had on her video about her first day(s?), where Woogie was undermining her experience, ideas and beliefs, and the only difference is the amount of misplaced loyalty Kaboodle has for (LS!)Clown; she trusts him without him having to do anything, and that's something that goes down wrong with him, obviously: he advises her to keep her cards to her chest, where somebody with less mercy (less love for her, less unwilling care, less desire to see her thrive on her own terms and by her own merit) would've let her get herself killed with that big heart of hers that's in need of affection and attention.

She's so excited as she recounts her last week to a listening Clown, immediately sighing with great relief as he explains he wasn't helping ManePear when he was hunting her, she says "I love Batman" as Clown exclaims he would be Batman and while I don't think cc!Kabs is quick-on-the-uptake enough to have a surface vs deeper meaning line thrown in the middle of Killerbunnies banter that's not necessarily fully in character, I reserve the right to believe whatever the fuck I wish, actually.

He humours her, lets her ramble and asks about what happened to her eye, he follows along with her DC comparisons and takes the time to explain to her what actually happened between him and ManePear.

He says he doesn't trust anyone, but doesn't love require some trust? What a hypocritical Clown, you turned out to be. I hope, if it comes down to it, you show her she matters more to you than those self imposed rules of yours, as I'm sure she'll show you you matter more to her then those rules you try to teach her

[spotaus]

Eyy, King Reaper and his beloved Mage Geno designs <3

[nekrosmos]

I'm getting sick but have Price's hairy arm on my current WIP 👌

[ruler-of-thorns]

Childhood

[mountainashfae]

Nobody tell me any spoilers but I'm like. Obsessively collecting data on Pasqal trying to figure out what his deal is. I'm in Act 2 and I'm cooking. Dunno if it's right. I'm in full conspiracy board mode.

[smile-files]

who let mephone direct the purim play?? (edit: fixed a typo lol)

(objectober 2024 day 7: production)

[pa-pa-plasma]

hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor

Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.