#but yeah a lot of aros do still feel love

[enlichened]

I literally saw someone say laios is too autistic for romance... you guys HAVE to start being respectful to autistic people. like I know he's just a character but its emblematic of real problems. Even if it's just a joke, it is NOT FUNNY to perpetuate ableism in the form of jokes. I see like a thousand posts a day about how he has autistic swag and in the SAME POST joke about how his friends actually hate him, nobody could REALLYYY like him they're all just pretending <3, he's too autistic for sex or romance or love.

He has canonical problems in the text with people pretending to be his friend, or people secretly hating him. We've gone over and over again about how divorcing autistic people and characters from sex and romance on the whole is infantilizing. (individual ace/aro headcanons are fine, but maybe also examine where they're coming from when its characters widely seen as autistic). I feel like a lot of fans don't even realize what they're doing. oftentimes what you think is funny fan content is actually you making fun of him and excluding him from things based on his autistic traits.

And this isn't even MENTIONING the racism in making kabru be aggressive to laios for no reason all the time when kabru has genuine reason and understanding even when he thinks he might need to kill laios. OR how weird it is that people will boil down falin's autistic traits for farcille and say like "yeah she's similar to laios, but she's less of a 'freak' (AKA has developed people pleasing social skills) so marcille likes her still :)"

[kittenintheden]

Smut Writing Tips

I could go on for 600 years on this so I cut myself off at seven basic tips for improving your smut writing. I don't know how to name this something that isn't suggestive so fuck it we ride at dawn etc. If you're having trouble writing smut/improving your smut writing, here are a few things that might help? I'm not the ultimate authority, do whatever you want, take what serves you and leave the rest, etc.

1) Get in touch with what turns you on. You can take this literally or figuratively. You don't have to be sexually active or even sexually aroused to write smut! It's not required. But you should know what gets you going, you know? Because whatever you're into, there are other people out there who are into it, too. Writing the things you're passionate about translates to the page. If you're disconnected from what you're writing, it's going to read that way.

2) Practice by translating a personal fantasy to text. THIS IS FOR YOU ONLY. Unless you like it enough to share? But this is an exercise to get you past the initial discomfort and embarrassment of writing sexy scenes. Many of us have romantic or sexual fantasies, even those on the ace/aro spectrum. When they live in our head, they feel safe. When we put them to the page, they suddenly EXIST in a space where someone else can theoretically perceive them. Getting comfortable with that takes a little bit of work/practice.

3) Try writing from the POV of the subject of the reader's desire. When I smut, I write from my OC's POV sometimes, but more often... I write from Astarion's. That's intentional. It's hot to feel DESIRED, to feel WANTED. Being in the subject's head means that the reader is experiencing that desire for themselves. There's power and sexiness in knowing you're making someone feel that way.

4) Physical description and positioning is great, but how do they FEEL? If you've ever heard the term "male gaze," you know it's frequently applied to visual media, especially where the subjects are treated as objects to be observed rather than people with interior thought and feeling. Smut WRITING gives us the opportunity to both describe the actions taking place and also the internal responses of the characters. It's not just what goes where, it's how that makes the body feel, the mind, the heart. It deepens the scene. Not everything needs to be "making love," but the tension and character interaction are still vital.

5) Realism is a fine base but it's not required. Look, there are a lot of smut tropes out there that are not REMOTELY based on reality and we love them anyway because a big part of this style of writing is the FANTASY of the thing. Like, yes, it's going to take some readers out if you're describing a position that's not physically possible. That's something that should be workshopped. But like. People come here for sex pollen and knotting. It's okay to be a little weird. Just consider the fantasy logistics.

6) Sometimes a little humor or awkwardness adds to the experience. Not everything has to be peak romance of the highest order, you know? Sex is messy and weird. If the participants can be a bit messy and weird together, it's both character-building and endearing. Don't be afraid to be like, oh this resulted in fluids and now we have to take care of that.

7) The tension is as important as the cumshot. Yeah I said that. An important piece of writing burning-hot smut is properly building tension. You can do that in a few words or many words. The ANTICIPATION, the WANTING, the not-quite-there-but-god-I-wanna-be of it all. It makes the release that much sweeter.

[janovavalen]

IT CANT BE OVER .°୭̥ ❁ ˎˊ˗ || carmen ‘carmy’ berzatto x fem!reader

summary: when carmy finds out the sacrifices y/n has made over the years of them dating, he can’t take anymore of himself ruining the possibilities of her life.

warnings: cursing, smoking, stress, braking up, a fight/argument (more on a important subject not a bad argument), angst, fluff.

w.c: 2,695

it had been a busy day and carmy was ready to go home and completely sink in the bed and his long term girlfriend, y/n. he had been thinking about her the whole day to keep him up on his feel instead of crashing out mid day.

sighing as he and his team continued to clean up the remaining left over foods, dishes, loose trashes and other discarded items. while he was in his office typing in his work he finally was done and he sighed.

placing a hand over his face while he groaned a bit he got a smooth vibration in his back pocket where his phone was. grabbing up as he stood up he say a text from you saying you couldn’t wait for him to come home and taste your new dessert you made just for him. he smiled with the warmth on his face growing.

sending back a text with a pink heart emoji as you sent a kissing one back and hearted his message. with a small smile on his face he placed his phone back into his pocket and made his way into the main kitchen where everyone had been having a small snack and chatting before they went home.

they happened to do this every time the day ended, mostly on a busy day or a stressful one.

‘cousin! you did good today’ his cousin, richie commented whine placing his hand out in front of him and giving him a quick snack as well. carmy took it with a smile and nodded.

‘yeah, you guys though? did amazing, thank you all for the work today, i mean it. thank you guys so much, enjoy the snacks, and i’ve gotta go—‘

‘whoa, whoa! where are you going?’ sugar asked while she sat up a bit from her once leaning position. richie laughed a bit while pointing at carmy who looked a bit confused.

‘probably to talk sweet nothings and make love to his beautiful, amazing, sweet sweetheart girlfriend’ he joked while they all laughed a bit at the small joke that only made carmen roll his eyes.

‘real fuckin’ funny’ he commented while looking at richie who placed a hand on his shoulder for forgiveness at his joke.

‘no, but guys, they're so cute! i mean it, the way they look at each other is adorable, really.’ sydney said while eating her snack and looking at carmy who smiled a bit at the thought of y/n.

‘see? see! he’s blushing right now!’ richie joked once more as carmy looked up in a quick motion—‘okay! dude, get the fuck off of me!’ he yelled out with a grin as richie practically jumped on him.

‘wow! i still can’t believe she has that bakery down the street, here i thought she’d be long gone by now’ richie commented whine taking a bite of his snack.

carmy looked at him in confusion while the rest of them looked down at their hands and the floor.

he took notice at how quiet the room got and how the tension seemed to build within. not feeling good about what he said he scrunched his eyebrows and asked—‘what—what do you mean by that? what do you mean long gone?’ he stammered a bit with his attention on his cousin.

richie turned his head as he looked confusingly at carmy—‘what do you mean? what she didn’t tell you she had that offer up in italy and new york a bit years back? she got another offer from italy again not to long ago, you didn’t know?’ richie asked with scrunched eyebrows.

carmy felt his whole world move slow. y/n had a offer up in separate places and she didn’t go? but why? she could’ve went he wouldn’t have minded—maybe most definitely would’ve missed her but he had no problem with flying to see her when he had the chances. why didn’t she tell him? why didn’t she go, she could’ve had a lot of things going for her in those areas and she chose to stay?

looking at the floor with his hands shaking a bit he looked around the room. sugar looked at richie and rolled her eyes while placing her hand on her head, sydney clearing her throat and turning her head away from the situation.

‘wait so…so what? when did she tell you this?’ carmy asked richie who seemed to pick up on the fact he just said what he wasn’t supposed to say.

‘oh…y’know what? i think i got the people mixed up—y’know my friend and her look crazy alike so i think i got them—‘

‘don’t fuck with me richie, don’t fucking fuck with me right now, when did she tell you?’ carmy demanded as his voice rose and echoed through the room.

richie looked at the girls for help as they rolled their eyes once more and turned—‘uhm…a year ago or so man…and the other last month…she didn’t want me to tell you—‘

‘so you don’t? what the fuck! you don’t hide this shit from me!—‘

‘she didn’t want me to tell you because of how your acting man! look at how mad you are right now! you know y/n can’t handle you when you're like this!’ richie added as carmy scoffed and placed his hand over his face.

‘fuck!’ he yelled before walking out of the restaurant and making a rush home.

sugar and sydney looked at richie who shrugged—‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’ sydney said as she decided it was time to go home for the night.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 🥘　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

when he got home the apartment was dimly lit with the many candles y/n had bought, her salt rocks, and some other warm light items she got so that they could use anything but the big light. she claimed it made the house look nasty.

the smell of sweetness and vanilla filled the air around him as he placed his keys on the table next to their door. he couldn’t get what just happened and what he just was told out of his mind. he needed to talk to her, he needed to fix this.

‘carmy! hi, how was work?’ y/n came around the corner with a cup of wine in her hand and his shirt on as pajamas with no pants on. her slippers he got her a bit ago. giving him a warm hug as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, his arm wrapping around her with her arm wrapped around his upper body.

‘oh you feel all shaken up, what’s wrong?’ she noticed his quietness and his face, the way his hands didn’t know where else to go but her or his own hands. placing her wine cup down onto the island table he shook his head.

‘nothin’ it’s nothin’ baby, i just found something out and i don’t know what to do—‘ his breath shaky as she looked at him with her soft kind face, her eyebrows pulled up a bit while shaking her head slowly.

‘awh, it’s okay. we can sit on the couch and talk about whatever it is…come on.’ she reached down and placed his hand in her slightly smaller one as the warmth from his hand completely melted her cold ones.

he couldn’t help but feel his stomach turning in pain and feeling like he’d pass out in any second.

when the comfort of their couch, she laid both of her legs next to her as she held his hands. carmy sitting next to her as she pulled him closer to her. his head falling into the warm embrace between her neck and shoulder.

he could smell her recently used body wash and body oils she loved so much. she always commented about how she was scared of smelling bad but the truth is she never smelt anything but amazing since the first time they met.

her hand rubbing his back in a soft touch while she moved it up and down to comfort him she started to speak—‘what’s the matter? did something happen at work? was it about the restaurant again?’ she asked as he mumbled—‘no..no it’s something else, something worse’ he commented.

he could hear her heart beating slowly in her chest as his head didn’t move from her, she made her hands way up to the nape of his hair while she rubbed it slowly.

‘did you want to—‘

‘why didn’t it go?’ he finally asked. y/n was confused but immediately caught on and tired to play it off.

‘go where baby? where would i go? who said what to you?’ she asked. her eyebrows frowned while continuing to rub his hair.

sitting up from her slowly while he looked in her eyes he could tell she knew what he was talking about—‘y/n please…don’t play with me right now—‘

‘i’m not? i’m not carmy, where would i go?’ she asked again while her hand tried to make it’s way back to his own only for him to scoot back and shake his head—‘no, y/n please baby please, don’t do that…richie told me you had a offer to leave years ago and last month and you didn’t go—why didn’t you go? you could’ve been someone big, something important—‘

‘carmen i don’t have anything in italy or in new york so i don’t go? why are you upset at me for my choices?’ she asked in a bit of anger and confusion.

he knew what he had to do when it came to the two of them and this was the best thing—‘you deserve any and everything and i can’t give you half of it, what you could’ve had you just tossed it away for what?’

‘what do you mean for what?’ she asked while still seated on the couch.

‘you threw away any and everything you could’ve had for what!’

‘for you! i did it for you, carmen! why wouldn’t i? i didn’t have anything there but i have everything here! i have you and our friends, my family and my friends and i don’t regret what i did!’ she started to raise her voice as carmen placed his hands on his face.

‘no, no, y/n that’s bullshit and you know it! you don’t need to be here for me i could’ve went to you whenever i could and you chose to stay here for what? for me? for our friends, family? that’s fucking stupid—‘

‘don’t you fucking dare call my reasoning stupid!’ she stood up with her finger pointed at him in defense.

‘i will! i fucking will! you let yourself be set so far back for something so simple when you could’ve had it all? y/n i love you i really do, but what you did was so fuckin’ stupid!’ he yelled once more as she scoffed and rolled her eyes. her once calm demeanor gone and replaced with anger and frustration.

‘you shut the fuck up and stop telling me how i should feel on what i did! you don’t get to carmen—‘

‘we’re done’ he simple said as y/n stopped yelling completely while she looked at him. her eyes started to fill up quickly with tears as she scoffed and shook her head.

if she wouldn’t leave because of him, then he’d simply let her go.

‘what…’ she spoke but it barely came out from the break in her voice. the lump in both of their throats growing.

‘we can’t be together anymore y/n—‘

‘what are you talking about? don’t—no you can’t carmen…i let those opportunities go because i wanted to and if i wanted to go i would have—‘

‘no y/n you wouldn’t have and we both know it…we know if you really wanted to you’d go, fuck—you’ve mentioned how much you wanted to go to italy when we first met!’ he remembered how it was always one of her biggest dreams since she was a child and learned that her father wanted her to go.

shaking her head as he walked to the bathroom trying to convince her he was done she looked around the room and let the tears fall from her face before speaking—‘carmen please don’t—you don’t have to leave me for this? this is fucking stupid carmen, come on! think for a minute please?’ she said while going into their shared room to see him looking around with his hand on his face.

‘y/n…please, you have so much to give to others and i’m just me—baby, i'm just me, and your you—‘

‘what’s that have to do with anything?’ she cut him off while he shook his head.

‘carmen…listen to me on this please, please?’ seeing carmen look up at her with tears in his eyes she slowly walked over to him trying not to set off something that would involve him in walking away once more. he let her get close with his head hung low.

‘please?’ she whispered once more with her tears falling once more, standing in front of him he broke completely and placed his head against her stomach where she stood. she felt her heart drop when he did so she placed her hands along his head and planted her hands in his hair.

combining through it his shoulders shook as he let himself cry. y/n felt how her cheeks were wet with the tears she once cried while she held him—‘why didn’t you go?’

he asked once more while his face moved to the side, the left side of face pressed against her warm clothed body. she smiled softly down at him—‘what would i have? everything i need is here.’ she repeated her last statement leaving him to let a tear fall once more.

‘y/n you could’ve had it all—‘

‘you are my all, carmen. your all i’d ever want. what’s in italy and new york if you're here? i could always go with you, i don't want to go alone.’ she told him as she placed her hand on the sides of his face, he let her slowly move his face to look at her. her hands placed on each side of his face and he thumbs moving slowly over his washed tears.

smiling slowly at him he stood him, his hight a bit over her own leaving her to follow his eyes and watch him stand over her. his body pressed against her own as he placed his hands on both sides of her face and leaned in to kiss her sweetly.

the kiss was soft, loving, they moved in synch as she placed her arms over his shoulders, his own hands placed around her body to hold her slightly off the ground.

when they pulled away, carrmy shook his head slowly—‘i can’t believe you passed up italy twice.’ he said with disapproval. she smiled a bit while shaking her own head—‘i can’t believe you tried to break up with me over it.’

he looked to the side in a quick motion and hissed slightly in remembrance—‘i didn’t mean i just thought it would help you—let you? leave me? i didn’t mean it, i swear—‘

‘carmy! i know, it’s okay’ she said while placing her hand on his face again to pull him into a kiss. when they pulled apart once more he spoke—‘if i remember correctly, you had something ready for me?’ he said while his hands rested on her waist.

she hummed while nodding her head—‘yes i do, it’s waiting for you’ she smiled while placing her hand in his to take him to the kitchen.

‘mm, maybe after i could have another sweet thing?’ he asked me while looking her up and down—she turned around with genuine curiosity—‘what would you want?’ she asked, seeing if she could make him something else.

‘oh but what i want can’t be baked’ he commented. looking at him in confusion she finally caught on and laughed out with her hands over the mouth. he smiled at her embarrassed expression and made his way over to her with his hands meeting her waist once more and flooding. her with kisses

[indieyuugure]

Happy Pride month!

In the spirit of pride, any queer head canons or queer characters in your iteration?

I'm a big fan of your work and I love your art style! I especially love how you draw noses and hair, and how 2012 April is more human shaped lol

Indeed! And thanks!

I myself am not part of the LGBTQ+ community so I don’t have a lot of that type of stuff (I feel like I don’t want to insult those people with my ignorance like portraying annoying stereotypes, getting things blatantly wrong, failing to understand POV etc.)

Though I guess if aro-ace(is that correct? Pls correct me if I’m wrong) is “queer” than I do have one character:

My version of Donnie (he doesn’t identify with that label since it’s the 90s but still applies as a description of his beliefs) thinks romance is kinda…useless?

Like there are no other female mutant turtles in the world other than Karai but she’s Leo’s girlfriend (KARAI IS NOT RELATED TO THEM) so yeah. So with the reproductive purpose of romance out of the question, then the only other purpose would be for lifelong companionship which you can get from platonic friendship, so like…why bother?

Hopefully that’s what you meant! And Happy Pride month to those who do celebrate 🎉

Good question! :]

[crabbunch]

for @mcyt-aro-week - day 5 - flowers/wedding

"Etho," Bdubs says. "Should- should we get married?"

Etho blinks and sits up, moving his head out of Bdubs's lap. "What?"

"Well- hey, you didn't have to move," Bdubs pouts. "I mean, should we get married?"

"Why?" Etho says. He's not wearing his mask right now, and even with it on, he manages to expressive. He's obviously confused, which is weird, because Bdubs sort of thought...

"Well, you know," Bdubs laughs a little awkwardly as he rubs the back of his head. "It's- I mean, we're- I don't know! It just seems like something we could do."

It's hard to explain. He loves Etho. It's a deep, deep love, too, because Bdubs loves often and easily, and that's fine, he loves loving people, but Etho- Etho and him have been entangled with each other for so long that it's different. Bdubs knows Etho, and Etho knows Bdubs. Bdubs would do anything for a lot of people. He loves it. He loves them. But Etho...

Well. He's special. And maybe that kind of connection requires some kind of... marking. Celebration.

"I just kind of thought," Etho says. "That- um- marriage was for people in love."

"Bwuh- huh?" Bdubs says. "But- isn't that us?"

"What?" says Etho. "Um, no, I didn't think so..."

"Well, I do love you, you know," Bdubs says. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

Etho looks away, and a horrible dread rises up from Bdubs's stomach.

"But... um, you love me, right?" Bdubs says, voice wavering.

"Well, yeah!" Etho says. "Just- I mean, not in the get-married way."

"Oh," says Bdubs. "Oh! Well, that's fine. Okay!"

"Okay?" Etho chuckles, shoulders relaxing slightly with relief.

"Yeah, I was scared you were going to be like- oh, you've been hanging out with me for all this time, and you hated me for all of it, and were just too shy to say so. Wow!" Bdubs laughs. "So who would you want to get married to?"

"Um," says Etho. "I don't really know. No one, maybe."

"Oh!" Bdubs says. "So you- so if you're not saving your marriage for anyone, can we still do it?"

"Huh?" says Etho. "Oh, yeah, sure."

"Hey! You were so worked up about it earlier, and now you're just giving in!?" Bdubs says. "What's with that?"

"Huh? Well, if you're fine marrying someone who doesn't return your feelings, I'm fine with it," Etho says. "I like the idea of wedding presents."

"No, but-" Bdubs breaks off and grabs his face in his hands, frustrated. "It's not the hearts and kissing and stuff, because like, I wanna do that to you, but I don't care if you want to do it to me. It's just- you know me, yeah? And I know you. And that's the thing that I care about. That's the reciprocation."

"Oh," says Etho. He smiles. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love you. Like that."

"So we can get married?" Bdubs says hopefully.

"Of course," Etho says. "Make sure you require people to bring gifts on the invitation, though."

"You got it," Bdubs promises him.

- - -

Neither of them wear white. Etho, who has about 20 copies of the same outfit and wears nothing else, wears the same outfit he always wears. Bdubs isn't really surprised.

Bdubs borrows one of Cleo's dresses and looks absolutely fabulous in it, even if he does keep tripping over the hem. They pinned it up for him, but it's still far too long- NOT because he's short. Because Cleo's a giant.

It's totally worth it though.

Scar officiates, which means that there's a 75% chance they aren't actually legally married, but Bdubs isn't too bothered about it. This is more for sentiment than anything else. Actually, it's probably a good thing if his finances aren't tied to Etho's, since he commits tax fraud. Etho doesn't take off his mask when they kiss, which kind of sucks, but is also par for the course. Joel monologues loudly to anyone who will listen about the deep bond he and Etho share.

"Congrats," Grian says, grinning like a shark as he downs what has to be his 12th glass of punch, seemingly unaffected by it. "You've got a nice hustle going on here."

"You-! You and Scar and Mumbo did the same thing last season!" Bdubs protests.

"Yeah, but we ended up meaning it," Grian says dismissively. "This? Well, I mean, maybe you mean something by it. Etho doesn't."

Bdubs chokes on his own cup of punch.

Back in the games-

Well. Bdubs tries to keep his lives separate, but it's hard when some of his closest allies don't even bother pretending like it never happened. Etho and Cleo are always rubbing it in his face, the jerks!

The point being- he doesn't like thinking about it, but back in the games, when Bdubs had been red for the umpteenth time and not quite desperate, he had thought-

"He loves me."

And everyone had laughed.

Because the thing was- it had been a little bit of a lie. Playing up the role. Leaning into the blind faith that had carried him that far. But the faith had been there, and it had gotten him that far, so-

Etho doesn't love easily, and when he does, it's a choice, fragile and thin-spun from familiarity and the thrill of trying to stay. It's a little different from the love Bdubs feels- even the platonic kind.

And. The thing had been. That Etho hadn't chosen to love him then. Or he had, but it hadn't been enough, or maybe it was never love at all and it was just- the knowledge that Bdubs was Bdubs and Etho was Etho and that they'd always find each other.

Etho plays into the roles he's given, just like Bdubs. He's a little more subtle about it, sure, but Joel decides that they're soulmates and Etho plays along. Gem decides that he's washed up and he plays along. Cleo decides that they're divorced and he plays along.

Bdubs says, he loves me, and Etho lets him die.

That's how he knows there's something more than Etho just playing along there.

"Well, you think what you want," Bdubs says dismissively, and wanders off. It doesn't matter if Grian knows that he and Etho have stumbled into something a little different than love.

"Bdubs!" Etho shouts, waving him over to the gift table. "Look what Skizz got us!"

"A crockpot?" Bdubs squints.

"An essential for any newly-wed couple," Skizz says sagely.

"Well, if you say so," Bdubs says, and sits down next to Etho to help him unwrap presents.

[bloggingboutburgers]

hi!!! I love the way you explain things in your comics, it really stands out!!

I wanted to ask you a question (if you want to reply)

I'm in a situationship with a friend of mine, who has feelings for me

I'm aroace but I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him, because I feel comfortable around him

do you think aroaces can still date even if not with a qpr?

Yeah, of course! Aside from it being an excuse from a lot of fandom people to ship aroace characters left and right with little to no regard for their unique orientations... Yes, "aroaces can still date" is a true statement, because aromanticism and asexuality are spectrums on which people can be more or less comfortable with different things. Some will never be comfortable with dating, and some are.

As long as you're comfortable around him, and what you do together feels comfortable to you, that's what matters. And no, it doesn't make you any less ace or aro (unless you personally determine it to be so), or less valid in any way. What it means is you've found something that works for you in a world where it's very hard to find, and that's awesome. I sincerely wish you the best with it^^

[valeriehalla]

The way you write about relationships really speaks to me. I read Portside Stories when I didn't really know what a fulfilling relationship would look like to me. Like maybe I was aro? I still kinda wanted a relationship tho... It just felt like I didn't experience love and relationships in the same way most people do. But the ending of Portside Stories put into words what I was feeling so well.

"And maybe saying we're 'Just Friends' does a disservice to what friends can be."

That kind of special friendship can just be all that I want in a relationship, and that's okay. I'm still not sure whether that means I'm aro, but I care less nowadays. More recently I read the old Animal Girlfriends where you write "But if kisses and I-love-yous are what sep­a­rate friends from lovers, then maybe the lines were a lit­tle ar­bi­trary to be­gin with". And that's exactly what I struggle to put into words when I try to explain how I feel about love and relationships.

You just give words to these things I struggle to express otherwise. And I think even beyond making me feel less alone and helping me understand myself better, that also helped me get into a relationship without any guilt where we both understand each other's feelings.

So yeah I know the works I've been talking about are from a little back in the past, but still. Thank you for writing that, it really made a difference to me.

thank you. someone in my server mentioned this a while back, but i really feel like “loving your friends (and maybe kissing them a li’l (or a lot))” is really the core Theme of my stories around which everything else orbits. it’s certainly the thing that, every time, seems to resonate the most with readers. maybe that’s because it’s a perspective on relationships that really is deficient in larger culture, or maybe it’s just because it’s one of the things i’m most enthusiastic about writing, so it’s what comes through the loudest.

i’m never sure if it’s because i’m autistic, or asexual, or aromantic—i’m not even entirely clear on what aromantic means—but it’s always seemed straightforwardly obvious to me that our culture’s relationship categories are arbitrary and the compulsive need to fit people into those categories is unnatural. life is short, and so is the list of reasons not to hold hands with your friends.

[nezoriy]

List of "normal" things that always baffled me as a person on the aro/ace spectrum:

Disclaimer: A lot of this is based on the feelings and perception of my teenage self when I started to feel people around me were weird but didn't have the language or concept yet to understand what was wrong. So, give me a break if it sounds edgy sometimes. I don’t have the energy to sugarcoat every statement so it doesn’t offend anyone. If you're part of the mainstream and feel attacked by a random dude on the internet questioning things you find "normal," maybe ask yourself why you’re upset instead of coming for me.

1. "Love at first sight."

Even as a kid, this felt like a scam. I get friendship, and I can imagine love developing out of it. But for that, you need to know the person. You can't know someone instantly. So how on earth is this supposed to work? (The answer is, most ppl can feel sexual attraction instantaneously and it gets sold as love for the kids.)

2. Finding someone "attractive" = you’d like to fuck them.

I honestly was like 20something when I realized that actually yes, when ppl talk about someone, even celebs, being "attractive," they do mean they’d like to have sex with them and not just compliment them on their looks.

Like, I can honestly say that many of my friends, Cate Blanchett, and Hugh Jackman are "attractive." But to me, that’s like talking about a painting. Like, sure, Singer Sargent's Madame X is "attractive," but no one's trying to, uh, get it on with the painting… right?

3. The whole concept of dating (to find a romantic partner.)

So, you’re telling me people meet up specifically to see if they might develop feelings for each other when they don't have those feelings yet? 

Like, what even makes you say yes to a date if you don't know a person at all? (The answer is: once again, sexual attraction, obviously.) 

On the other hand, if you’re already friends with someone and just wanna see where it goes, why bring the flowers and fancy dinners into the equation?

4. Why people (especially women) would even risk sex back when it could have had major consequences for them

The list includes (but isn’t limited to):

Women before reliable contraception in societies where an unplanned pregnancy could be socially catastrophic;

Brothel visitors once STDs were known;

(Here’s the tricky one bc I myself kinda feel guilty for not being empathetic enough) gay people, especially men, in times and places where they could literally be imprisoned or executed for having sex

I need to be very clear here, this isn’t about moral superiority as I'm not feeling any, it’s about survival. Like, if sex could legit mess up your life, why not just… not do it? 

Yeah it's basically rip to “fallen” women but I’m different.

5. The culture of one-night stands, cruising, club hookups, etc.

This is still a bit uncomfortable in my head because this is a very prominent part of gay culture specifically, and I’ve always felt incredibly disconnected from it. But I can't edit it out.

Okay, so someone’s hot. I can maybe get that there’s a spark. But if you don’t know them… what if they open their mouth mid-action and reveal they voted for trump? Instant deal-breaker, my genitals are shriveling in terror.

6. The need to have a partner / actively searching for one.

I give it to you, if you vibe with someone, getting into a relationship may make sense. But actually, putting in effort to find one? For what? There’s so much other cool stuff in life!

7. "I haven’t had sex in five minutes/a month/half a year 😱😭" / jokes about dry spells.

Do you actually keep track of the timelines? So what if you haven’t? I get it, orgasm is great and all, but your hand still works, right? Why do you need another person for that? 

8. Imagining yourself in place of a person/character in sex scenes.

This mostly applies to fanfics but also “regular” porn. Even if the scene is hot, I don’t picture myself as any of the characters involved. Even if I'm aroused, I like it precisely for the characters in a specific scenario, I would only be a third wheel there. 

9. Sexual fantasies with yourself as a participant.

I really don't want to imagine myself in any sexual scenarios, neither with fictional characters nor with real people, even if I might have a crush on them. 

10. Cheating in relationships/marriage.

I’m not even talking about the moral aspect of breaking trust/violating the negotiated agreements; it’s the fact that someone "just couldn’t help themselves," “accidentally” had sex. Like, you’re willing to break an agreement, feel all the guilt, and go all secret agent-level to hide the thing because you… what, couldn’t keep it in your pants?

11. Extreme jealousy over sex.

Alongside the last point, I don’t really get why people make such a big deal about someone sleeping with someone else. Sure, it’s not cool to break agreements, and it’s a valid reason to re-evaluate the relationship. But just because they hooked up with someone else? Why is it such a dramatic deal?

(Spoiler alert: I’ve grown up to be poly now, who’s surprised xD)

12. The sexualization of women in media, ads, and the outrage from cishet guys about female characters wearing realistic armor instead of metal bikinis in their games now.

What do you mean, people actually like this and it works on them? Do people actually appreciate having half-naked women in their media? Seriously?

13. The priority of romantic relationships over friendships and every other kind of relationship.

From "got a partner, disappeared for two months from their friend group" to the whole idea that romance is inherently more "serious" or "important" than friendship. Why? Who made that a rule?

Okay, that’s it off the top of my head. Might add something later. 

[skittlespizza]

Some thoughts about Shilo (and a lot of my thoughts about the aromantic reading of him)

Okay, so Shilo has been a character that's been spinning in my head pretty constantly. This isn't going to be organized but rather kind of just. Thoughts.

I see a lot of people interpret Shilo as a purely innocent person who has done no wrong wet cat, and yeah! He is! But the thing is, he's... done wrong. He's a vampire. There's something inherently evil in all vampires, and i believe this misconception stems from people not knowing the vtm lore. In VTM, all vampires have a beast inside of them, and this beast is inherently evil and cruel and animalistic, which is the part that forces vampires to feed. Shilo hasn't frenzied, he's never lost control of this beast but the fact he has one is enough to make him "not purely innocent", I'd argue he thinks he's innocent and hasn't done wrong but keep in mind he has zero hestitation throwing guards to die. He's indirectly killed several times, and that's not really something we can ignore when thinking about shilo.

He's also incredibly manipulative. He has no worries dominating or manipulating people for his own gain, and again, this comes from his sheltered life. This comes from him simply not knowing any better, but even then, this is a major flaw that i feel some people dont think about.

Shilo isn't rapunzel, Rapunzel isn't a killer, and she isn't manipulative with a disregard for people's lives. That is to say Shilo isn't pure evil, but rather, he's a morally grey character. He's killed, and he's manipulated, but you could argue that it came from a place of not knowing any better, but even then, he's still killed and manipulated. Do you see where the interesting moral dichotomy lies? Is he at fault for the evil he does if he doesn't know any better. I just dont like the "purely good" Shilo takes I've seen some people have.

The aromantic stuff:

I think it's rather well known I'm an aroace shilo truther (if im being honest, i have a distaste for armored pheasant to an extent, but that is not what this is about). I feel as if that's a rather crucial part of his character, and it's not unsubstantiated. He quite literally says he's incapable of having romantic feelings, and in the newest episode (i am not caught up, forgive me), I've heard there's more he says that hints towards this aromantic reading. He's had zero interest in romance, and the fact he was bloodbonded to Edward without his consent can have rather interesting implications that I believe could be expanded on. A lot of aromantics know that feeling of being told "I can fix you" or whatever and Shilo parallels it quite well with the experience he has had with Edward. Below is the quote where he says he's incapable of romantic love.

(This is my own personal opinion but I believe his character is also sort of dumbed down once someone ships him with Grefgore. A lot of people did from the get go, and I get and see the appeal but I also think they're better as friends but again, personal opinion and I don't care if you ship them but his character falls into the "only interesting for the shipping to the fandom" pit quite easily.)

There's something incredibly validating to have a character like Shilo, who's kind and silly and aromantic if that makes sense. Aromantic representation has been lackluster, and most representation is god awful (coughLovelesscough) so having Shilo would be really nice. He's not canon representation, yes. Unless Bizly straight up confirms it, it's just implied representation but come on. It's right there guys. Give us an aro win.

His character has a lot of interesting bits: a character who's only experience with the world is through media & book (hashtag autism), a character who's incredibly cruel yet kind, a character blind to his own flaws, an aromantic character who loves despite. Give me more morally grey Shilo, more guilty Shilo and most of all. More Aromantic Shilo.

[itslouisan]

Time to have C!Techno headcannons!!!

Heyo, seems like finally I reached my 2nd favorite cc ever! I think techno's character is REALLY interesting, with great writing and details and I can definitely add some hc of my own in there, so without further ado, let's go!

(btw @syndicatedsystem you might like some of my headcannons involving Jschlatt and Techno I talk about here so yeah! Also feel free to discuss em' with me or make asks abt it, hell your blog inspires me a lot)

(I lost the name of the artist if anyone knows please tell me)

• Techno has some braids in his hair, the longer, the more he values the person

Longest: Philza, it's braided with gold details

2nd longest: Ranboo, has a amethyst crystal for purple

Mid-term: Wilbur, he braided it in consideration of a battle friend and some good times with Will, he doesn't hate or likes Wilbur, but still can't deny they do have a connection

Shortest: Tommy.

• Techno prepared a space in the cabin for Tommy in case some day, his demons and the hell he was looking for, finally was found, he'd welcome Tommy with open arms, since he'd view that the kid suffered enough and had the time to change and face any consequences he'd need to face, the space is safe, always available, but, he'd never tell Tommy that, he keeps it hidden, he's not ready to be vulnerable to the demon child again and openly say Tommy could count on him, not until Tommy makes the first step.

• Keeps the pickaxe that blinded Quackity as a trophy, this and keeps all weapons from powerful enemies with him as a reminder of a great battle he won once again

• Likes to write poetry about people and events, he'd never give them to the person, but keep it in a dusty small box in his room in the attic of the cabin

• OKAY, LET'S ALL AGREE TECHNO IS ARO/ACE? GOOD.

• Techno was friends with Jschlatt before everything went to hell, they liked to talk about random bs while watching the fire crack at night and drink some cheap booze for Jschlatt and coffee for Techno

• I view Techno also having some boar traits, so yeah territorial as FUCK don't mess with his stuff or house, also he chases pray like crazy and can eat almost anything without a problem due to that

• Doesn't CARE for alcohol, just doesn't like the idea of having a hangover afterwards since he'd be unable to fight the next day

• Would gossip with Jschlatt, Tommy and the syndicate like, ABOUT EVERYTHING, I imagine him and Jschlatt favorite hobby is shit talking people they hate

• Techno being aro/ace also means if you flirt with him, he'll just stare at your soul and bully the shit out of you, sometimes calls Phil and/or Jschlatt to roast the shit out of the person, also WILL defend himself from any creeps and defend his friends from ANY strange people since for him touch is STRICTLY a death sentence and something that takes time

• Techno smokes when stressed or in the syndicate room, making Phil always carry an extra lighter for him just in case, the 2 used to be smoking buddies before Phil quit when he adopted Chayanne and Tallulah

• Techno in the QSMP is an entity, a god watching above everyone but never leaving Phil side and the eggs side, sometimes he'd talk to Tallulah directly, or influence Phil like a voice in his head to do the right thing in his vision or appear to Chayanne in his dreams to have a chat

• Can and will drink blood from the enemies

• Loves to talk about skulls and anatomy of the body in general, a dark fact, due to respect to Jschlatt, after he died (not considering revival, I view revival as either the decomposed body coming back to life in a LESS but STILL fucked up state or a kind of new body that is the users body in the afterlife coming to the alive realm, if you guys want, I can make a post about this) picked and kept Jschlatt sheep skull, with horns and everything

(art by sadist)

• Would talk about historical wars and battles with his own analysis and commentaries on it, making a great history teacher

• totally collects greek mythology stuff, books, items, anything.

• Has a couple of tattoos but one that is pretty badass is a wither skull with red smoke on his ribs in the right, a tattoo of a emerald in the inside of his left wrist, a tattoo of a squid with a fork on it's head in reference to the potato war on his right wrist really tiny and "everything starts with blood" and "the voices demand blood" written in his tights

• My boy 100% has piercings due to piglin culture, around 75% of them being made of gold

[starii-void]

there were other ways calypso and leo’s relationship couldve been written, in this essay i will

this isnt a hot take at all but caleo just has. so many problems. im not gonna list em but anyone who’s read hoo and toa knows

so how could it have been written better? here are my (a non writer who has shit articulation) opinions, please be nice

1. They date, then break up

this feels like a likely thing to happen bcs as we know, leo is notoriously flirty and seeking relationships and calypso falls in love REAL easily. so ofc, being stuck on an island together with no other company for like weeks on end would lead to a relationship of some kind. though i think that relationship would most likely be. unhealthy.

so yeah, theyd get together, but itd probably start showing problems very quickly as we see in TOA. but from there, i think they shouldve broken up. maybe it could be caused by an outside intervention from someone who. maybe has better experience with healthy relationships. jiper being an example, since they broke up after piper realized their relationship was basically started with lies.

once they broke up, leo could learn that romance isnt a cure all (cough rick cough) and that he doesnt need a partner to ‘fit in’. the whole seventh wheel thing was a big part of his characterization so i think unlearning that whole mess would be a good thing for him, esp since TOA had a lot of ‘growing and developing and changing’ as a theme. he could learn to define and support himself outside of his relationship with women (mommy issuesss)

calypso could also learn to support herself and have relationships with people that arent unrequited crushes, what with how her only human interaction was with random men who couldnt stay.

2. They stay as friends

Basically same character benefits as the last one, just different methods.

Leo realizes he doesnt like calypso in that way on the island during that time itself, maybe due to self reflection or something. maybe they have an intervention/impromptu therapy session or something and figure themselves out. not like they have much else to do on the island

this way, we get to see him figure out (is that the right word?) that being friends w/ women isnt automatically a gateway to romance. that its not so simple. that he can have close friends without having to date anyone (+ possible aro rep here but thats just me projecting) then from there, he can develop this further and come to terms that he doesnt need a romantic relationship to be loved etc etc

3. They stay together, but it’s established as. not good

now for this one i think its less likely since this entire thing is still sorta a kids book series and authors dont usually include these types of topics without it being resolved, but it is something to think about

caleo’s relationship in TOA felt pretty icky at least to me, so i imagine it isnt setting the best example for kids if its portrayed as normal/a good thing

in this method, their relationship could stay but just be more established as not normal and unhealthy bcs. it kinda is

anyways thats my ted talk. please dont kill me im bad at articulating

[genderkoolaid]

yeah im a aro-spec lesbian and ive literally been told that im 'reinforcing the predatory lesbian stereotype' bc i still sleep w/ ppl even tho im not really interested in dating rn. it doesnt matter that there are plenty of other lesbians that have casual sex, but apparently thats fine since they can fall in love but its bad when i do it bc im just 'using ppl' and 'have commitment issues'. even tho the women i sleep w/ all know and are fine w/ there not being any potential romance. but yeah amatonormativity totally isnt a problem in the lesbian community 🙄

yeah godddd even in queer spaces im super hesitant about being openly aro. cause casual sex/FWB is all fun and quirky when you're assumed to be allo and will eventually get a romantic partner/view casual sex as a gateway to romance. but if you are openly aro and want casual sex/FWB/sexual friendship/etc. then you are reinforcing stereotypes/internalized homophobia/traumatized/commitment issues/a heartless slut preying on allo people (who have feelings while we don't because we're incapable of love or being hurt!)

i think a lot of allo people don't understand that there is a difference in how people treat someone whose "taking a break from dating/sex to focus on themself" or "just having fun and letting off steam" and an aro/ace person just. existing and doing anything at all. if i told people i was taking a break from dating pr wasn't looking for anything serious right now they'd be totally chill, but say i don't feel romantic attraction, never want a romantic relationship and my ideal relationship is "friends with benefits"? suddenly they treat me like i'm a dr. phil guest.

and its bitterly ironic for the exact reason you mentioned: allos accuse us of "leading people on" and tend to assume we're going to be somehow toxic or abusive or predatory in relationships. and so we'll be so painfully clear about what we want and don't want and get confirmation that its okay a million times.... and then our allo lovers will get mad at us for not being okay with things we explicitly said we weren't okay with, and for not falling in love despite our explicit explanation that we don't fall in love.

[ckret2]

Hi, found you through your Hazbin fic "You've Got A Face for Radio" and just. I've already left a comment on the ao3 about the fic in particular, but I also wanted reach out to another aro ace person, because while I do think I am on the ace spectrum, I am still kind of figuring things out. I've talked to a few people about not experiencing attraction, at least in the form most people do, and what they say almost always boils down to "you'll know it when you feel it" and "maybe you've felt it but repressed it subconsciously", which, I know they mean well but, it's not what I think is the case. I'm just. Kind of stuck on the enjoying NSFW stuff if it's fictional characters bit. What even classifies as sexual attraction anyway? Who defines it when it can vary from person to person?

Anyway, I hope I'm not being a bother, it's just that your fic gave me a lot to think. I'd have sent a dm since this might become a discussion (if you're willing) but I'm not sure what the Internet etiquette is here.

"You'll know it when you feel it" "maybe you've repressed it" lmaooo if that isn't THE MOST COMMON line questioning aces/aros get. Have you got "maybe you haven't met the right person" yet? There probably isn't an ace/aro in the world who's explored their identity without some (hopefully) well-meaning but oblivious allo saying one of those things.

When they DO mean well, it comes from a place of not being able to imagine being ace/aro; it seems more likely to most allos that the attraction is hiding rather than absent entirely. You can rest assured that anybody who says that is expressing something about their own understanding of sexuality, rather than anything about their understanding of your sexuality.

Honestly and sincerely, the "enjoying NSFW stuff if it's fictional characters" bit is what personally delayed me from identifying as ace for, like, a decade longer than it had to. "Well hey, I love thinking about sex if it's some kind of alien or robot, that doesn't seem very ace; so I must not be ace, maybe I just haven't yet met a normal real-life person who's interesting enough for me." But that kind of thinking comes from not understanding what being ace is!

Because the criteria for being ace is actually a lot lower than most people think. It's not "never thinks people are attractive," or "disgusted by sexual situations," or even "never wants to have sex." Those can be part of the experience of asexuality but they aren't necessary. (Some aces think people are attractive, just not sexually attractive! Some aces want to have sex, they just aren't sexually attracted to the people they're having it with, they're interested in the act rather than the partner! It's a spectrum!)

The litmus test I personally use for "sexual attraction," and that's worked for a lot of people I know, is this:

Have you ever looked at somebody, thought they were hot, and automatically thought to yourself that you'd LOVE to have sex with them if the opportunity ever arose? Maybe not even realistically wanted that to happen, but just felt that as a gut feeling? Just thought yeah, it'd be hot to sleep with them with the same instinctive immediate reaction that you might, say, see something delicious and think "ohhh that looks so good I wanna eat that" or see a really cool trailer and think "I SO wanna see that movie"?

That's sexual attraction. You, personally, automatically feel like you wanna have sex with somebody—possibly even a stranger!—possibly even if you know you wouldn't actually really choose to do it IRL for whatever reason—just because they're sexy.

If you haven't experienced that specific feeling before, you're almost definitely some flavor of ace.

(And even if you HAVE experienced that feeling before you might still be ace—possibly some flavor of gray-ace or demi-ace. Some people do experience that feeling, but so so very rarely that they feel like their overall experience of sexual attraction is more ace than allo. Some people experience that feeling but ONLY toward somebody they have a deep emotional connection to, whereas allos can experience that feeling toward strangers. Some people experience that feeling but if actually faced with the OPTION to have that sex they're turned off. All of these are ways to be ace. So the litmus test isn't the be-all end-all; but if that feeling has NEVER happened to you, that's probably ace.)

Based on this ask and on the comment you left me on Ao3, I'm guessing your form of engagement with sexuality is like what I wrote about in the fic: reading about characters having wild nasty sex is great, could read smut and/or smutty comics all day, maybe you fantasize about your blorbos screwing, maybe you've gotten off to these fantasies or to smut... but: all your fantasies are about somebody else having sex. Probably somebody else who isn't even real.

Are you ever in those fantasies? How do you feel about "character x reader" fics, does being y/n turn you on or does it squick you out to imagine [character] flirting with YOU? Do you ever think "wow I'D like to fuck [character]" or is it only "I wanna see [character] fuck (but I don't wanna be there myself)"? If "you" ever ARE in these fantasies, is it actually YOU, REALLY YOU, or are you just imagining the fantasy from the perspective of another character who isn't you? Do you ever have a sexual interest in the actors/voice actors, or does your sexual interest in them vanish when you aren't viewing them as their (fictional) character?

I can't tell you whether you're ace; but I can tell you that "I'm ONLY interested in FICTIONAL characters doing EACH OTHER, and I would lose interest if they were real people" is not a normal/common allosexual experience.

And if you're into micro labels, there are a couple under the asexual umbrella that describes that exact experience. The current term is aegosexual. (Older term autochorissexual; that was the current term when I learned it so I still tend to use it lmao.) It's for people whose primary experience of sexuality is fantasies that they themselves aren't part of. It's not mentioned on the page I've linked, but a LOT of aegosexuals have reported that they're specifically most into fantasies about cartoon/drawn characters and other fictional characters—the more "real" they are, the less appealing they are.

(And there's the related term "aegoromantic"—I'm focusing on sexuality here since that's mainly what the ask focused on, and also because historically I've seen less people struggle with "I don't want romance, I just enjoy reading love stories; I must be aro" compared to "I don't want sex, I just enjoy reading smut; I must be ace.")

Learning the term autochorissexual/aegosexual and why it made sense to fit under the ace umbrella is what got me over the hurdle of "oh, hey, I guess I am ace"—if you think it describes your experience, I hope it can help you too. If not, it at least shows just how varied the ace experience can be.

(I'm answering this publicly because I've seen SO MANY PEOPLE grappling with "I like FAKE sex; does that mean I can't be ace?"—many of whom have contacted me because of that fic, shocked to see someone else describe their own experiences and call it a flavor of ace—so I'm hoping this might help other questioning aces/aros! But you're also welcome to DM me!)

[infiniteorangethethird]

hellou hi i have a question if you don't mind :]

so, i have been considering using the loveless label for a while because i relate to y'all heavily but there's one issue. while i don't think i experience love for other people in a way loving folk seem to describe love..? i very much want to BE loved

this is probably tied to my NPD, both the loveless and the needing love parts

basically my question is - can you still be considered a loveless aro(ace, apl etc.) if you desire to be loved (w/o being able to reciprocate)?

sorry if it's a stupid question because maybe it defeats the purpose? idk. i've searched all of the internet and couldn't find anything even close to an answer tho so yeah :')

hi anon, my apologies for taking so long to reply 😭 I don't have an excuse besides a somewhat busy schedule and "I suck at replying at reasonable times sometimes" lmao

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: the good thing about the loveless label is that it's deliberately meant as a very fluid and dynamic label, defined by its user first and foremost. Some people call themselves loveless because they don't feel love at all, while others may use it because the love they feel does not seem to fit societal expectations, or even because they do feel love, but it's not as intense/special/important to them as society deems it to be.

All of these are just examples, but it illustrates the many ways one can interpret this label for themself. If you feel it is a good descriptor of your experiences and you feel comfortable using it for yourself? Go for it! (And welcome to the community <2)

As someone who works to deconstruct the romanticized idea of love, though, I can't help but make a note on the "wanting to be loved" part. (To be clear: this is NOT a jab at you, anon, nor at anyone who might be feeling similar; moreso thoughts and advice you can chew on if you'd like, or ignore if you don't.) In a lot of people's minds, there's a very strong connotation between "love" and "any kind of positive treatment", and as such I think it's worth asking ourselves: what do I mean when I say I want to be loved? Do I want them to feel a certain way about me, to act a certain way around me? What kind of treatment am I expecting of people who say they love me?

Love is a very individual thing, and knowing what you mean by love can help both in figuring out those expectations and in communicating them towards others. It also helps deconstruct the idea that "action made from love = good & action made not of love = bad". People who love you can still hurt you (hence why it's good to know what treatment you want, besides being loved), and people can still act good to you without love being a motivating factor behind it.

I hope this helps!

[cicerfics]

3, 24, 50 for bond & q :)

3. Obscure headcanon

Oh, it's so hard to determine what's 'obscure' in fandom! I am never sure which headcanons have been shared before, or how other people perceive this stuff.

But I guess my top 'uncommon' headcanon for Q is that he's on the asexuality/aromantic spectrum. I am totally capable of reading about (or even writing) allosexual Q, but in my heart, he will always be aro-ace to me! He makes an exception for Bond, because that's how it goes sometimes. But even with Bond, Q doesn't quite experience attraction in the 'usual' way. He's very intensely attracted to Bond in numerous ways, but not necessarily super 'horny' for Bond in the typical sense.

Obscure headcanon for Bond...honestly? I think Bond is a bit of a nerd! I think he's a jock and a nerd at the same time! I think he really likes learning obscure trivia, crossword puzzles, and books.

I think he's incredibly intelligent about a lot of things...a real polymath, in spite of the fact that he's also a 'blunt instrument'. I think he plays down his intelligence (though we definitely see glimpses of it in the films) because he likes to surprise people and he knows it's easier to do his job when people underestimate him.

But beyond his actual intelligence, I think he's downright nerdy in some of his interests and the sheer enjoyment he takes in learning new stuff. So that's my 'obscure' hreadcanon for him...'obscure' in the sane that it is not necessarily strongly supported by any part of canon!

24. Most annoying habit

Q is incredibly pedantic and bossy and stubborn. He will dig his teeth into a petty argument, and hold on for dear life. Honestly, I feel like he's actually better at letting important stuff go, because he tends to rationalize away his emotions (also a bad habit!) and bury any hurt feelings.

But if he's having an argument with someone about something that's honestly pretty meaningless? Q will go to the mat to defend his point. He will not let it go! Many people find this understandably irritating. (Bond delights in it, though, and he winds Q up just for fun.)

Bond, meanwhile, is an irrepressible contrarian and a complete brat. You say up, he says down. You say black, he says white. You tell him to do one thing, he'll do the opposite just to spite you. He enjoys being 'difficult' and he enjoys refusing to cooperate with people he doesn't like. Sometimes, he refuses to cooperate with people he does like, just because he takes unholy pleasure in annoying them. (See above re: Q.) He does not (and never did) play nicely with the other children. He just likes to be a pest.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Oof.

Okay, I tend to headcanon that Q had a pretty crummy childhood with parents who were mentally unwell/emotionally absent. And honestly, I think Q has blocked out a lot of his childhood. I don't think he realizes it, because he has clear memories of his education, the things he taught himself, his childhood pets, etc. But I think he's blocked out a lot of stuff that has to do with his parents and the traumatic things he witnessed while under their care.

For Bond...yeah. I think he blocks out the bad parts of his missions as best he can. I think he erects a mental wall around his memories of being tortured, and I think he refers to those incidents very flippantly because it helps him pretend this is something that happened to someone else.

I also think he blocked out a lot of happy memories from his childhood. I headcanon that he had a pretty happy childhood overall and parents who loved him (and each other). After he lost them, it was too hard for Bond to remember how good things used to be. So he just...doesn't think about it, if he can help it. The contrast between his childhood and his current life is too devastating for him.

(I am still open for asks on this topic, btw!!)

[bloggingboutburgers]

i hope that i'm not making any terrible cultural assumptions here, but i'm curious about your experiences as aro/ace in france in particular. the states are often very culturally conservative but especially when it comes to sex in particular. i don't know if it's just an incorrect cultural assumption on our part but the french are stereotyped as being a lot more open and in your face (?) about sex. is that true? does it make it harder for you to deal with people pushing the expectation of sex on you?

OK, so, I'm not sure I can 100% answer this one accurately because... Well, I've never properly LIVED in the States, only visited for a while each time, so I don't have a proper point of reference.

What I WILL say though is that most of our modern culture comes from us from the US. Movies, series, musicals, songs, social media conversations and stuff... And those ABSOLUTELY push the expectation of sex on people regardless of how conservative the States probably are on a daily basis.

I think it's like... The way I experience it, it kinda feels like the large majority of people regardless of the country or culture ARE kinda obsessed with sex anyway, so it's more about how overtly it's admitted in society or not. French people WILL definitely bring up sex in random conversations including at work or with people they've just literally met from the first time. (Depends on personality of course but... Yeah.) But I dunno. Maybe people in the US do that too. In terms of what I see in the exported culture though? The omnipresence of sex is definitely still felt. Heck, look at fandoms that are for a big part comprised of US people and how quickly they'll gravitate to shipping and sexual shipping or thirsting for a character too. That's definitely not just a thing I've observed in France.

The main difference I see is that most conversations of this type seem to start in the US and my country tends to "behind" in lots of ways, so it's definitely harder to talk about how you're an asexual in France still, at least I'd assume. Here we're still at the point where the odd mainstream media will write an article introducing asexuality as a revolutionary concept in a "can you believe this exists?" and "🫴🦋 is this a new trend?" kinda way. It's... A bit embarrassing, though it's way better than nothing at this point, progress is progress.

PS: The obsession with romance kinda seems to be everywhere in both cultures, so that at least doesn't make much of a difference. Except that I guess France being stereotyped as "the country of love" (read: ROMANTIC love ONLY) doesn't really help at all but meh.