#but yeah I guess people just dont really think about it. Even though I think it did what alot of 'superhero deconstructions' fucking WISH-
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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Sometimes I have an epiphany about something about myself being very not normal when I'm trying to explain all these intricate paths of logic and plans and how I map out every little tidbit of every little thing I'm stressed about or working towards n I see the look on their face and go 'oh okay so this isn't.... How normal people approach things.....'🤔
#i was jusy explaining to maria my 'rough' plan for some future goals/trip stuff and#well a rough plan to me is.... plotted out pretty well and pretty detailed overall#but theres a lot of contingencies so none of it is final pen to paper plans#but i am also like. always thinking. 24/7 brain always on always running a mile a minute with something#i do wish i could just turn it off and chill the fuck out#i only seem to be able to chill out when 1) i have a clear plan and can relax finally or 2) im in love#brain turns off when im in love i guess#well to some extent i do still think a lot but not as much and usually its nice stuff to think about#i do really like to plan though. i love a good plan. detailed... comprehensive.... color coded....#personal stuff#i feel like this is one of the areas i come off crazy intense and i feel bad about it#i dont know how to convey to people like. these plans and this behavior is for ME like#i dont expect other people to adhere to or even really think about my plans to be honest#they are for my own peace of mind#its nice when people want to take part and help with some of it!#its nice if people find the planning useful or helpful :)#but at the end of the day when im planning its mostly for me so i can just turn my brain off later#also yeah its 100% the perfectionism problem#i have to do everything right and perfect and never make mistakes and never let people down#except thats not how anything works lmfao#oh how nice it would be to not be worried about anything ever
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Getting into stuff that has a lot of pre-announced release dates is really good for me like vocal synthesizer products and new love live etc franchise music releases....I'll be lying in bed at like 2 AM with ur usual 20-something's fear and existentialism over time and the future and then I'll remember a piece of singing software or a new song related to cartoon characters I like is gonna come out like next month and I'm like 😌
#this keeps happening to me with the upcoming december#miki and kiyoteru sv.....im so excited...if they get delayed ill scream#jk jk ill be fine but i do hope we get some demos in November soon!#soyogi still doesnt have a concrete release date but hes also probably december#now if HE gets delayed i will actually explode. i will spontaneously burst into flames#the other night i had a dream about aivoice2 ryuusei coming out. which is a normal thing to happen#it literally was just like i went online and saw videos people made with him SHDBFBSJFNFN#premonition dream...this is what will happen in november#but it reminded me i wasnt as familiar with how aiv2 sounds with a2sync. i like the aiv1 kotonosync situation#BUT it is very noisy and the vocals usually sound like lalavoice with the slightly obvious looping#which is charming but not as versatile in the grand scheme of talk synths made to sing#just the nature of it. but a2sync sounds FANTASTIC i was really shocked. im curious how his#particularly deep voice will sound compared to a more medium gentle tone like iori but im excited#im really curious how he'll sound compared to vv humming ryuusei#now what weve seen of his design.....im not suuuper into quite yet. its not BAD and well see when its fully out#but i dont care for the blue hair bits. im picky about hair dye in alternate designs#i like his gray black default situation too much. also i DO like how slutty his design is looking#but also it might look um. a little too much for a talk synth? like brother whats going on here#why are u so dressed up to chat ....i guess for fun#then again his aiv1 design was also probably more appropriate for singing synths rather than talking But I like that one more LOL#doesnt matter too much for me though im more interested in the unofficial singing side stuff AHDBFHSHFBDJJD#which also reminds me i hope someday aiv1 vy series can get a aiv2 update#a full singing synth would be nicer but i wouldnt mind a talk turned singing synth. i know everyone hates the aiv vy designs#i dont hate them theyre not great but theyre fine for talk synths. i think nancy is hilarious. white woman jumpscare#im not a huge fan of the main fanon vy designs (theyre good but they dont fit to me) so i dont mind the aiv ones#even if its just two random people SHBFJFAJFJFJSJJF but yeah i hope they get a aiv2 someday#i think it would be fun to make em sing with a2sync hee hee#also on the ll end i am so excited for dia birthday album end of dec#AND all the new liella tunes. i still havent watched the new season because i havent been able to sit down and enjoy it yet#but soon....next week ill have time...sooooooon
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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Discord really did ruin my engagement with anything outside discord huh
Like I suppose it's not Discord specifically per-sey, but I also see it with a significant amount of other people too. It's just another instant gratification thing the world has been latching onto the last decade or so I think. Chatrooms were fun and I spent a lot of time in them back then too but they weren't the end all be all, they were a place to just chat where the main sites were used for their purpose whereas nowadays everything is centralized on Discord and that won't last forever either, giant as it is. (Please I beg people don't keep all of your important information there, keep it localized in a space YOU control. ESPECIALLY if you're a major community for information keeping.) Slower posting required people to actually think about what they were saying most of the time and had public searchable pages in case information there was needed. Now I see people booing concepts like forums in the exact way they made fun of "boomers" for booing newer concepts and absolutely refusing to learn or engage with them. It's fascinating in the saddest way.
I dunno I want to go back to the days of things moving slower I guess. Just in general, not even just internet-wise.
#kind of a melancholy post in light of watching a browser game site discord burn to the ground because they cant keep up with it anymore#and the users making the most bad faith claims about why even though they have clearly stated why#not really upset just thinking out loud because yeah I guess i'm old in internet terms and while there are a lot of things I dont miss#there is a lot of things I wish were the same#and tbh it has spread to real life so hard that everything has to be GO GO GO and Im like this is not...good for people#idk!!!#puppy poops
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My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#its like i cant get ahead of myself when talking about him cuz theres still a lot not revealed by the end of ch2 but STILLLL#i was keeping my opinions on characters pretty neutral this whole playthrough though my bias towards gin and kai was very apparent lol#and i did start screaming in agony reliving my worst nightmare joe dying#i dont think my sister was nearly as torn up about it as i was though like god ill still never get over it#the first time i played i actually gross sobbed like maybe i was just sleep deprived but i was inconsolable literally never cried that hard#but yeah we did the second main game today and i was like#‘not trying to persuade your vote but heres one million reasons why we should let shin live ahaha’#i dont think she was very happy with her vote aldnks#but yeah i really am gonna be sooo annoying next time we play im literally gonna bring pages of shin analysis with me that i can gush about#it is an interesting thing this character cuz to me like everything about him is so clear like even from the beginning i just didnt buy#the idea that he was genuinely an asshole i knew there had to have been something more going on#and idk if ive made it clear guys…but hes exactly like me guys hes just like me fr#his story hits so hard it feels like my own self insert which is weird cuz obviously thats not true#but like i feel like its either you get it or you dont and if you dont understand exactly what this character feels cuz you feel it yourself#i feel like so much of him just wont make any sense to you#maybe im just being pretentious idk but like if you cant relate to his abuse and just#very blatant bpd then I feel like youll just judge him on how good or badof a person he is#like it just doesnt feel like itd hit in the same way like when i see this character talking about being hopeless and the way his trauma#makes him act irrationally like god it just clicks so hard it makes so much sense and i can physically feel it through the screen#I MAY BE FERAL ABOUT THIS CHARACTER TO AN ABSURD DEGREE SHHH#basically what im getting at is i feel if i dont over explain everything about this character to other people i fear they just Wont Get It#and that they will be judgmental which idk i guess makes me defensive#anyway yeah i just enjoy getting to re experience the spiral this guy has given me and i will be thinking about it a lot tonight
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G'morning 💟💟💟
This is a ramble about a post about the Harry Potter books (wishing they were not written)...
I Really Enjoyed the Geodyssey series by Piers Anthony (Isle of Woman, Shame of Man, Hope of Earth, Muse of Art... I never read the last book... Climate of Change)
I read the first 4 books many years ago, and I Really Enjoyed reading these books and the style of writing that spanned across many generations and time periods. I re-read this series many times over the years, and each time I enjoyed the stories and the characters.
Piers Anthony is a prolific author that has written a plethora of books. I have only read the Geodyssey series, and not any of his other works.
And then something happened and the reputation of Piers Anthony changed from 'respected prolific sci-fi and fantasy author' to 'creepy creep'... He was writing too much about panties and female bodies and teenage sexuality and he is no longer popular or respected 😶
These things are confusing and sad.
Many times I have experienced emotional cruelty from others in the form of 'You like/enjoy (random media)? Then you must be the kind of awful/evil/wrong person who supports (inappropriate behaviors of the creator of that media)!'
These things are confusing and sad.
I imagine that about 98% of Creatives are Normal Humans that will be sometimes good and sometimes bad, but always Humans that are Going Through It, making mistakes and learning, and never perfect... And only about 1% of Creatives are perfectly evil rotten humans, and only about 1% of Creatives are perfectly good kind humans. The individual that consumes media is not responsible for the actions of the media creator. I guarantee that all humans have enjoyed a work of art/music/literature that was created by someone that they would be repulsed by, if they were to know the creative personally. Should this diminish the experience of enjoyment that the individual feels upon consuming the media?
For example... Michaelangelo was secretly queer but openly hatefully homophobic. In person he was bitter, condescending, sadistic, and rude. He did not bathe, and upon his death he had had the same pair of stockings on for So Many Years that it was necessary to scrape them off of his skin with a spatula. Meeting him in person would not be a pleasant experience for most humans... But he gave us David and La Pieta and the Sistine Chapel and So Much More! Should the Beauty of those works be diminished because they were created by an asshole?
And Jared Leto is a bad person and a bad actor, but Mr. Nobody is still an emotionally beautiful and thought provoking film.
There were too many examples, across all media, and through out all time. Should you choose to only consume media that was created by perfect humans, it would be necessary to live bereft of Art.
I perceive Art like this... There is a Collective Consciousness of humanity's ideas and imagination (the noosphere) and Creations are conducted into this realm of reality (born) through the Creatives (conduits). Consider the Michael Sheen quote/acting advice about the characters they portray not being able to exist unless they open themself and channel that out into the world (paraphrasing)... Consider a child being born... Is that child an extension of the parent? Responsible for the behaviors of the parent? Or is it its own entity that should be perceived by its own merits? Creations of Art are the manifestations of ideas and imagination that have been born through the conduit of Creatives... Creations of Art are the Children of Creatives. Should you be repulsed by a beautiful child because its parent is ugly or vulgar?
Have been thinking on this for a day or so... And just wanted to submit these thoughts for your consideration.
(I agree 100% that JK Rowling is a jerk and this ramble is Not About That)
💟💟💟
Good morning!
It's definitely a. Complicated subject? I agree that people shouldn't be harassed for what they enjoy in media, though. Someone who harasses or belittles others for what they enjoy in media will always be 100x worse than the person that's enjoying the "bad/problematic" media.
I personally could never read the Harry Potter books after what happened with JKR, but I do understand that there's a good amount of people who read the stories *before* the transphobia stuff came out, and to a lot of those people the series means something to them. There is some degree of separating the art from the artist, although it's impossible to do that entirely.
I think it's mostly fine as long as one acknowledges the problems that a work does have, things in the work that are. Prejudiced, for example. Although I do also understand that there's a lot of people that would rather not be. Reminded about Harry Potter, or talked to about it, or it upsets them when there's references to it.
Both of those people—people that are attached to Harry Potter and keep talking about it and making fanwork for it, and people that don't want to talk about it and having it referenced makes them uncomfortable— are valid. As long as nobody's harassing or belittling anyone else. Although, I will note that, while I can't control what anyone decides to do with their money bc it's their money, even the people who are still fans shouldn't buy things that are going to give money to JKR.
#im in class rn so sorry if this isnt like..super coherent. but ignore that#from the nebula#But anyways#if someone wants to properly seperate the art from the artist and make it clear that they dont like the artist#even though they like the art. the Not-Supporting-Said-Person by buying stuff thing is. important. imo#also anyways#im loosely in the latter camp. I would rather not talk about Harry Potter or participate in things related to it#Although one time my old school had this Harry Potter day thing where they decorated the school#and a bunch of kids and teachers showed up in cosplay. Which is sweet‚ I guess‚ but I was uncomfortable with it at the time#They talked about how great JKR was the entire day and when someone brought up her transphobia they just brushed it off#like it didnt matter. And when I was like yeah ok im not gonna really help set this up. because i dont like JKR#the teachers acted like i was being. whats the saying. a wet blanket#So while i do understand that theres some people who like Harry Potter and still want to have fun with it#I also completely understand people who wish it wouldn't be brought up around them and they didnt have to hear it referenced#..#Although I do agree that no artist or *human* for that matter is 100% 'unproblematic' and expecting people to be perfect is unreasonable#And what someone enjoys in fiction is NOT a reflection of their morals. I would be a BIG hypocrite if i claimed that people's fictional#enjoyments said ANYTHING even SLIGHTLY about their morals. It doesn't.#Think i say that in my bio too
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen
#wl26#<- little weirdo#SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!!#i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it#and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy#but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it#and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made#but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it#n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that#this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends#and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift#and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands#except for sounds i suppose#but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture#and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return#and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that#but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd#this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please#wouldnt that be so nice#this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018#5 years... god
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Its a bit goofy of Pinkett Smith to pick the one ruler who definitely was not black for her documentary. Not only that, but it is stated in the docu that "Cleopatra was def black" and similar statements. I hope she chooses to portray more African queens and rulers in future documentaries. I also hope that filmmakers in general explore more stories outside of the European context instead of raceswapping historical figures such as Anne Boelyn. Its just very Eurocentric. But then again, its probably done because well known names pull bigger audiences, and therefore more money etc etc
I agree, it's definitely goofy. I think it was stated that she wanted to make a docu about strong African female rulers, and i guuuuess since Cleopatra was technically ruler of a country located on the African continent, she figured that counted, despite Cleopatra being way more Greek than Egyptian?
I think this might be why i can't bring myself to take it all that serious, because it's clearly not made by someone who knows enough about the subject for me to really respect them in like a scholarly fashion. I can only assume she must've had some scholars involved, but if the docu feels confident claiming Cleo was DEFINITELY a black woman, then it's clear that Pinkett Smith chose scholars that would support the worldview she needed for her vision to work. So then, the docu was made by unqualified people with a flawed premise, and some wrong choices were made along the way because her narrative took presidence over actual facts.
I hope that the rest of the episodes about other Africans queens are more historically accurate and respectful, but the issue is that her Ethos is already lost since we all know the documentary hasn't bothered with accuracy. It was a noble endeavor, and i think my fear is that others will be discouraged from making similar stories that amplify often unheard voices, because the backlash over this one, stupid, choice overshadowed everything else
#my first post lacked a looot of nuance#it was this very undeveloped thought i voiced becase i was already des up form lsitening to ppl bitch about the little mermaid#but thats not really an excuse to not stop and consider before just letting out some halfbaked opinion#i think bow that ige had some time to think about it. that i can understand why it was the wrong choice to make#and why some people are rightfully angry with it. unfortunately those are mingled in with people that are just being racist about it#and that sucks i think. i want to be supportive of the people who are wronged but i also want to tell the racists to go suck an egg#anyway i looked into the project a little bit more and started to understand why the choice was made even though i dont really condone it#but i guess i also just don't care all that much because im not personally affected by it? so then for should probably just step down#and not engage in a discussion thats not about me or for me. so yeah. I'm gonna refer to the people who have actual stakes in this#omg so many typos in these tags but i am too lazy to fix them . sorry
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It is kind of wild to me Vigilante 1983 isnt one of those runs people hype up and overrate to hell. Like even with the like 11 in a row dud issues from 36-47. I only ever see people talk about the ending or if youre REALLY lucky they mention the two Alan Moore issues like those are the only issues in the run that matter. Like come on guys
#I was gonna say more and then remembered I made that image and had to post it again#but yeah I guess people just dont really think about it. Even though I think it did what alot of 'superhero deconstructions' fucking WISH-#they could do. Like you all WISH you were Vigilante 1983#Im gonna fucking trick people into reading it. Sorry if I trick anyone into reading Vigilante 1983#But yeah its like the ending wasnt some plot twist surprise it'd been foreshadowed since like issue 1#And the Moore issues werent Alan Moore suddenly DOING A DECONSTRUCTION they were part of a whole arc where#Adrian was about to quit Vigilante and all his Vigilante Adventures were now just horrible and useless and bad things happening to him#I dunno. I know if Vigilante actually got some kind of sudden popularity increase for real I'd be a huge asshole about it.#Its all 'how come nobody read the comic I like : (' until people do and its 'STOP READING THE COMIC I LIKE YOURE DOING IT WRONG !!!'#anyway Blackthorn is the best character in comics
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actually i hate when people take ace attorney out of the context it was made in. like im just as clueless about the details as anyone else, and its true its heavily fictionalised and mostly not a really serious representation of anything, but at least akcnowledge that that context exists when you talk about it. cause otherwise its just stupid, like everything youre saying is just random words and nothing actually to do with the series
#i mostly mean when people actually discuss stuff in it for a proper answer not just jokes and fanfics but ill admit that annoys me as well#stupid and petty as that is#i do think its legit though when youre actually trying to analyse it i mean come on#like why bother if youre just going to completely misinterpret everything like how do so many people not even know what country it is#cause guess what#funnily enough everything about america is completely and absolutely irrelevant#and yes obviously its clear what my meaning is and im not talking about the irrelevent exceptions#as interesting as i personally find the american influences on japanese society considering not just the american global hegemony#but also the post ww2 occupation and political system that was established then not that i know anything about it really#but i am a bit curious how much influence america has actually had on a country that everyone always sees as totally seperate to the west#and obviously in the modern world everywheres influenced by outside cultures and western countries (dont know what people in japan think)#way of seeing japan as particularly different to everywhere elseis definitely at least partly total rubbish#it actually seems like a very 'normal' country even if youve never been out of europe otherwise#perhaps to me the reason american influence stands out is cause im not used to main english language ans western cultural influence#being america it definitrly makes it stand out as odd like how much of this is america and how much is japan when you dont know either#anyway japan doesnt have more american influence (culturally) it just stands out more obviously#what have i got to going on about#anyway this was actually about ace attorney#well i can say they got the gavel from america anyway apparently thats a pop culture thing no other real life coursts have it#japan didnt get its legal system from america anyway or at least not partly#its civil law system which is something most aa fans dont seem to understand#funnily enough cause civil vs common law systems is literally school level stuff#i mean there literally seems to be a decent amount of aa fans that dont even realise that yes the law stuff is based off japans system#i mean ??? like yeah its not realistic but do people not realise that not every legal system is identical#and it being based off a different country is just as much of a reason for differences as video game seriously#this is coming from someone who doesnt care about law in the slightest btw its still utterly aggravating#like obviously most people realise it was a lot influenced by stuff about actual japanese law even though its not serious or realistic#its still relevent when youre talking about it but its still annoying how many people try to analyse it ignoring this
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"give me a beer, a lullaby, and a word in my ear" -guy at a speed dating event in my dream
#dream log#also had a dream that this green alien came up to me on the street and like wanted me to pick it up and take it somewhere#the like video game objective changed to#changed to go home#but i didnt know where that was so i just started running#but as i. running the alien is like bouncing and it starts blushing#and later when i put in down to kind ageg my bearings its like super wet#between the legs and im like. oh man i think i need to fuck this thing#and i know theirs a game mechannic where you can have sex in bushes and stiff but im like 'no ill just go home first' but when i pick the#alien back up i get a 'failed objective' notification cause i never made it home i guess :(#and another dream. i was back in middle school math. there was a seat that was right infront of and right next to two people i was friends#with plus super close to my crush (other side of my friend) and there was a guy sitting there#but he was like. literally a fly. so i snapped and he just dropped dead.#and i got to sit there. my friend then was like “see this?” and pointed to her lip#and i wa slike “yeah” even though i didnt see anything#and she was like “you can hide a lot of your burdens but you cant hide a hickey” and i was like. man. am i supposed to do somehting sbout#that? idk im pretty sure this is a dream. did she actually say this to me before? am i supposed to do somehting now?“. but then the dream#ended#THEN these are out of order but then i had a dream i was in some sort of summer camp thing? people kept going home. my friend M. went home#home and left me a bunch of her clothes. one of the guys asked some sort of question about sleeping with him. and i was like “no? lol.”#then i invited a different guy to come watch me change and that first guy was i guess also in the room and was like “you know people can se#you through the window right?“ and i was like ”duh. its ohio. thats kinda the point.“#so. whatever that one means.#THEN last one THEN my cousin drove me to an abandoned trailer to explore and it had “too lo” or something spray painted on it or somehting#so then he finished the word to say “too long” or somehting of that nature. and then spray panted the handle of the door blue#and we went in side but the inside was all done up? like really fucking fancy#the kitched was completely lainted in this van gogh style and my cousin goes “this isnt haunted... its fixed up.”#so wel left. i think be showed me something else before that too but i dont remember#in the summer camp one i spent a long time trying to find these snake/pomegranate earings? they were blue abd green
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like ironically i guess, the only sport i ever actually learnt the rules for at school was netball cause boys werent excepted to know the rules but still had to play it so the rules were explained but for every other sport everyone was just expected to know the rules already or something
#like i knew the rules for softball but i also did that one in primary school although that was the tball version#but anyway i was so shit at sport its ridiculous and i dont even know how much of it was lack of ability and how much was attitude#but it was always so embarrassing and awful so there was no way id be getting good at it after that i guess#athough thats obviously cause i was shit at it to start out with#like i had to play the other sports but i mostly just ended up standing around and hoping the ball didnt go near me#but like sports so popular and stuff it was like everyone else liked it or at least everyone id talk to which was another reason that being#shit was rubbish i ended up with those people i never talked to or had anything in common with#allthough by year ten i just gave up and sat and read on the side and no one even cared#i dont know why im making posts about random shit about my life ffrom school#i guess its cause this is basically just a journal#im so self obsessed itl interest me later#i mean i actually dont want to forget my memories even of inimportant stufff like this#highschool was like such an important part of my life when it happened like i honestly didnt do much else#seven years of my life and like all of schhol primary school was just as important when i was there#but even for the last two years of school it had already sort of ended#no one talked to me and it was all just academic subjects and all the worthwhile parts were gone#like literally i spend year 13 escepically alreaady missing it and now thats its finished i just dont think about it much anymore#but like yeah im a loser but i actualy didnt really have anything else even if i hated it there were at least some wrthwhile bits#i can never say if now is better or worse#but i dont know i think its reasonable to hold onto my memories they were me for so long#like even the unimportant memories#most of my life was those to be honest just random stuff happening i didnt really care about#without the stuff happening bit though
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