#and tbh it has spread to real life so hard that everything has to be GO GO GO and Im like this is not...good for people

[puppytoast]

Discord really did ruin my engagement with anything outside discord huh

Like I suppose it's not Discord specifically per-sey, but I also see it with a significant amount of other people too. It's just another instant gratification thing the world has been latching onto the last decade or so I think. Chatrooms were fun and I spent a lot of time in them back then too but they weren't the end all be all, they were a place to just chat where the main sites were used for their purpose whereas nowadays everything is centralized on Discord and that won't last forever either, giant as it is. (Please I beg people don't keep all of your important information there, keep it localized in a space YOU control. ESPECIALLY if you're a major community for information keeping.) Slower posting required people to actually think about what they were saying most of the time and had public searchable pages in case information there was needed. Now I see people booing concepts like forums in the exact way they made fun of "boomers" for booing newer concepts and absolutely refusing to learn or engage with them. It's fascinating in the saddest way.

I dunno I want to go back to the days of things moving slower I guess. Just in general, not even just internet-wise.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom family :) We're finally back to new eps. I wasn't ready for this episode in the least. Idk I was ever gonna be ready tbh. If this isn’t the most apt ep name ever following the last ep. Bare with me as I once again sort through my thoughts and such. I'm really struggling with the 'mini' portion of these reviews the last few eps.

Ain't nothing mini about my emotions haha But I am sure come summer they'll be more refined for sure. Also thank you to anyone who reads these thoughts and enjoys them. It's still a trip to me people appreciate my thoughts. I just want to be a ray of sunshine and positivity with these.

A source of comfort while we all go through this together. Cause that's the beauty of fandom. Going through it together. Once again wanna preface there will be ZERO tolerance for bashing of any kind. They are both going through it right now. We all love these characters so much its why we're on here. I love conversation and comments but not spreading hate. With that in mind let's start eh?

6x07 Crushed

Tamara moving out still..... Ugh. I’m so sad about this. Truly the end of an era right here everyone. Also Lucy not wearing her necklace gut punch already to my feels...Poor Lucy wants her to stay but would never ask Tamara to do that. I wanna cry already for Lucy....I hate her necklace being missing and it's very obvious it's missing. *sad sigh*

I do love Lucy taking Tamara out to fancy dinner least. Channeling her emotions into something positive. Wanting to love on her before she goes. Tamara mentioning Tim getting kicked out of Metro…She isn’t wrong it is down hill after the pinnacle of Lucy indeed. Trying to give her a compliment but Lucy isn't taking it that way. I wanna cry for a second time. She looks so distressed. *sigh* Two massive pillars in her life are now gone and it's felt in this brief moment.

Tim in his old Metro office disassembling it. My heart. You all know how much I loved him In Metro. Killing me. Also just shows how much of a nose dive he took after this Ray debacle. Grey seeing this and sighing before going in after him. Tim seems like he’s in robot mode when Wade enters. Saying all the things he thinks Grey wants to hear since he’s back. No real emotion behind it. Just the grunt mentality he thinks he should have.

Gonna be more than just his trust you’re gonna need to earn back my love….Love Wade having him to ride along with Dr. London. Anyone needs it our boy does right now. Of course Tim bites back on this idea why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t be Tim if he didn’t. Tim saying breaking up with Lucy has nothing to do with the Ray situation. Uh... it has everything to do with that my love EVERYTHING.

Grey standing his ground saying if he wants to regain his trust this is where it starts. I love him saying breaking up with Lucy and being bounced back to patrol due to being reckless makes him question his judgement. As it should…You forget Timothy this man watched you grow with Lucy for years. Saw how much she made you grew and joy she brought out in you. Of course he is questioning your actions. He just watched you throw away the best thing ever that's ever happened to you. Your judgement is being judged severely....

I adore Wade Grey. He's not only putting Tim in his place and saying he could mandate therapy (which he would be justified in doing...) Or take the ride along. Then saying he’s taking Lucy out too. Just so he knows he is looking out for them both in this moment. The man knows what he is doing.

I can’t believe Smitty doing breakup odds. I’m incensed by this tbh. Also I want punch the dude who said Tim would’ve cheated. He would NEVER. How very dare you. I hate that list. It makes me wanna rage out so hard. If any of them knew them at all they’d know it would never be something like that. Also her and Aaron? Ewww no no no.... Lucy had every right to ream Smitty out more than she did. So inappropriate it's insane. For shame sir truly.

I'm glad she shut it down. Last thing they need is the station gossiping about them like this. They're going to anyways but Ugh I hate this whole thing. I feel sick. Of course she runs into Tim right after.... Worst timing ever. Breaks my heart because he still is excited to see her but she isn't ready for him. How could she be? He looks so sad. But Tim what are you expecting my love? No way she is ready to be near you let alone talk. This hurts to watch…Lucy trying so hard just not to have a meltdown right there in the station.

I was very excited for him to have this ride along I will say and this opening scene is why. Dr London on his ass already. I love it. As she should be. Saying he’s bringing Aaron as a buffer. Which he is… Classic avoidance attachment style. That’s our boy. She’s not wrong he prefers surface level relationships (other than Lucy...) to a deep intimacy. His default state with anyone who isn't his girl.

She has him dead to rights already. Saying it’s a defense mechanism when someone is raised by an overly strict or domineering parent. A father. She’s not wrong. We all know his history. Tim of course isn’t about this whatsoever only making her assessment about him even more valid. Their scenes starting off real strong.

Grey wanting to check in on Lucy I do love it. He’s not wrong she’s been through HELL this year. The detectives exam, Jeff Budney and now losing Tim. God this hasn’t been an easy season for her. To say she's going through it is the understatement of the century. I'm hurting for her so very much. Her entire world has been rocked to it's very core in the last week alone. Not mention everything else before this.

It’s so awkward Lucy inviting everyone but Tim to Tamara’s going away dinner…. In front of Dr. London too. That shot from Tim’s body cam seems very intentional. As he looks at everyone she’s inviting but him. Way his head goes back and forth. Grey patting Tim on the arm on the way out. *phew* Rough start to the shift.

Of course their first call is disturbingly close to what she and Tim are dealing with. Not exactly what Lucy needs. Hearing this woman talking about thinking he was the one then it just ended. *heart clutch* Crushed is an apt name for how I was feeling during this episode.

Lucy has clearly kept this all inside for too long with her reaction to the situation. Wade would never set you up like that. Just shows how hyper sensitive she is atm. Why he's doing this ride along with her. He wants to keep you sane not crazy. I wanna hug her so much. 'I do watch too much reality tv. It's my bad' Lmao. Needed a little levity. This made me chuckle.

We hit the ground running about breakups with Dr. London. Honestly no need to beat around the bush for this observation of Tim. ‘Breakups are a trigger for many men. Especially since stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking out help. For fear of appearing weak.’ If that isn’t Tim and this entire situation right now…

Hell that's his ENTIRE life. He was shamed into never wanting help and if he did he was meant to feel weak for it. Just like she is stating above. She is very good at her job and just getting started. Tim can't hide in any of his normal brush off statements. Which I love. She has him pegged already and it shows. Quite the opening jab from her to start this off.

Lucy looks on verge of tears at all times right now and I’m dying. Especially when Grey brings up his name. Asking if they’ve talked since the breakup? Melissa straight killing me in this shop right now everyone. Those pre tears.....Saying she thought he didn’t care about her personal life. He’s not wrong if it affects her job it does matter. The point of this ride-along. To gauge where she is currently.

‘Smart to make the connection between IA and them breaking up. ‘Just a bad week.’ Oh its so much more than that…. Lucy protects him of course with the unethical portion. Bad place or not she's not going to cast any suspicion with that. But It’s so very clear she is painfully unaware why he did this to her. To them.

Only that he’s not emotionally available to her. *sigh* This is true. The man is a disaster zone atm. I mean he’s definitely occupied mentally in a way she doesn’t understand yet. Hell I don’t even think Tim understands it really. All he knows is he think's he's toxic and she’s better off without him. Which is a huge part of this episode tbh.

So she isn't wrong he is not emotionally available right now. That much is painfully true. The joke about the Diamondbacks was funny but sad at the same time. They found good way of getting little funnies in there with Grey. I do appreciate that. I'm a sports girl so I this made me smile.

Dr London really coming at Tim in this next section. She is wasting ZERO time with him. ‘Lot of romantic feelings start out as platonic love.’ Going right for it when she says he and Lucy were friends first right? His reaction…Gonna makes me bawl Eric. Hurts to watch this. Looks like he wants to cry. Ugh Tim. Killing me softly. She is getting under his skin quicker than he was expecting and you can tell. Hitting at a very raw nerve he's trying to keep hidden. He looks so distraught and emotional when he replies 'I was her T.O.'

Tim saying he’s not depressed. Oh my love….but you are. Depressed and wracked with a massive amount of guilt. ‘I broke up with her.’ So so defensive. Can’t let good doctor see this whole thing is crushing him. That would be weakness. He is fighting off a panic attack in this moment. So unsettled by this entire interaction. She is picking up on that guilt that is all but exuding out of him in this moment.

She really brings it home saying internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. Self harm and suicide. If that isn't Tim Bradford my god. The self directed anger is him in spades. His face while she tells him all this.. Oh my lord. She has him dead to rights once again. He is experiencing so much guilt about it and it’s written all over his face. Tim is barely keeping it together while she is telling him stonewalling will only get him sidelined. Honestly I’m glad she’s confronting him like this. Coming at him so hard cause Tim needs that especially right now.

He can’t have passive people in this life when it comes to this kind of stuff. The one person who could knock sense into him he’s pushed away. So Dr. London being here is much needed. Of course Tim snaps at Aaron cause he can’t handle what he’s currently going through. Lashing out because what she is saying to him is true and he isn't able to handle it. Hitting very close to home. So he's defaulting back to S1 Tim in this moment. Destroying Aaron in the process..

I love them talking about Tamara and the unconditional love Lucy has shown her. It’s so true. It’s that love that gave her courage to leave. Even though it's hard to watch happen. It shows what accepting unconditional love can do for you. Lucy bringing back to Tim because how could she not? Mentioning about letting people go even if you really care about them them. *sigh*. You can tell she is on the verge of tears once again.

That feeling where you've been keeping it inside for far too long. It comes out in anything you talk about. Like right now in this moment. Even talking about Tamara is cycling back to Tim and it shows how deeply upset she is. How could she not be? She is losing two of her people in one fail swoop. It's a miracle she hadn't lost it sooner than this moment tbh.

Lucy crushing me some more in this episode. Further proving she has zero idea why Tim did what he did. How he could let go so easily. It was a blindside for us all but none more than for her. His person. The one who never ever expected him to leave her side. Tim did leave her with a cheap cliche nonsense about deserving better. It's so much complex than that but I can see why she is so angry about that. She deserved better than that.

It’s what upset her so much in that 6x06 scene. Because it felt like a cop out to her. When it’s so much deeper than that but Lucy doesn’t know that. Thats what killing me and her. Lucy going off saying it was her decision to make what she deserves. It’s true. She is so justified in saying this. Sadly Tim made that decision despite her willingness to love him no matter what.

Took away her choice to keep him even if he felt he wasn't worthy. Wasn't just HIS choice to make. That's what pissing her off and rightfully so. He doesn’t understand the unconditional love she had to give him or how to accept it. All he could see was how much better she was without him. All she wants is a real conversation with him and she didn't get to have that. He took the choice away from her and she's left holding the emotional bag of it all and it sucks.

Punches keep rolling with Dr London. Attacking his problem at it's damaged root. As much as he is trying to bury it he cannot hide from her and her assessment of him. This is a huge turning point in the ep. Tim saying he owns his mistakes and moves on. So cut and dry and she isn’t having ANY of it. Nor should she. He hasn’t moved on in the slightest. Once again pegging him for not only not being over it but having his whole identity being wrapped up in acting honorably. If he was past that he wouldn’t have ended things with Lucy. We wouldn't be here. But he feels not worthy and not honorable enough for Lucy so he cut ties.

Her noting it’s had a devastating effect on his self esteem. Which is why he is punishing himself. i.e He let the love of his life go. He feels he doesn’t deserve such things for being so un-honorable. My broken boy. Tim isn’t sure what’s she is getting at. Asking what she's talking about? She continues to portray him accurately. That he is punishing himself by depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. Or someone....Clearly that someone being Lucy.

The joy she brought to his life he no longer feels he deserves. Lucy was the one constant in his life that made him happy. So he’s depriving himself of it in order to punish himself. This sounds so harsh and severe but I relate to this. When I was new at my current job. I wasn’t very good at first. I was down right on the verge of being fired. I got a game plan to fix myself from my leader. BUT I was punishing myself for not being good enough in the first place. How did I do this? I took away something I loved and brought me joy. Music.

I refused to listen to music during my job because I felt I didn’t deserve it. I wouldn’t let myself enjoy it till I was better and had earned it back. I got to a place where I let myself have something I loved back and it helped so much and ultimately got me through it. So I relate to Tim doing this to himself i really do. He is denying the one person who brings him joy because of that self-punishment. He feels he has failed who he should be therefore he can't have what he wants and needs most. Lucy. You can really see it hit Tim by time Aaron rejoins them. She hit the nail on the head and Tim is feeling it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo SO MUCH. Ugh my heart. Her grounding method to remind herself she's a survivor. The problem with all that is him being the reason for that reminder. Which just hurts. I'm not crying you are....Tim so out of his depth all he can do is be awkward with his ‘Clocking out?’ Babe....No...(Also I feel personally attacked by this song they chose for this scene.)

Lucy calling him out for it instantly. Because well she’s his person. Bad place or not she is always gonna tell him what he needs to hear. Won't let him hide behind niceties. Confronting that things aren't ok between them and she won't let him use it to hide. Asking for a real adult conversation with him. One which he is NOT ready for. This hurt to watch not gonna lie. This whole situation hurts.

Tim deflects….with another cheap answer of saying he can’t give her what she wants. Ugh. You are everything she wants you foolish man. I don’t blame Lucy for cutting that convo off at the knees. She wanted more depth from him and got nothing in return. Telling him he has more to figure out than she realized…and feeling like she is no longer than person to help him with that.

My heart is breaking all over again… Lucy always felt she was his person to get him through anything and to hear this only hurts her further. Coming to that realization and taking off because of it. The song running through this scene is poignant and hurtful…Also the continual clutching to her tattoo as she departs from him. I'll just be weeping in the corner don't mind me....

I wasn't expecting the scene we got here in Grey's office. But was so pleasantly surprised. My hope was that Dr. London broke through to him. That his ride along with her wouldn't be a one-off. I’m so proud of Tim I can't even tell you. To not only see he has work to do but to ask if he could start seeing her as a patient. He seemed disappointed she didn't mandate sessions. Which he needed so he could advocate for himself. Blair had pegged him early on and I think this will be so so good for him.

His healing journey is starting now and I’m so excited for him. Even though my heart is outside my chest right now for our couple. This is going to be good for Tim. I know people have been weird about Dr London. I haven’t gotten a bad feeling from her. I could be wrong but haven't gotten that. I think this is the healing Eric was talking about. That journey he needs to be in order to find his way back to Lucy. Grey's line was perfect. It's SO hard to ask for help. Tim can see something is wrong and wants to fix it. This is a beautiful start to this journey for him.

This final scene with Tamara and Lucy made me cry. This whole ep has made me cry really. Their relationship has always been one of my favorites. To watch how they’ve both grown. How Tamara learned to trust again and receive that unconditional love Lucy had to give. Gah I love it so much. Took a broken untrusting girl and molded her into a confident bad ass. I've never been able to classify what they are. They're sisters, friends and family all wrapped up in one.

Hard to watch Lucy lose this piece of her life on top of everything else. Tim may have a lot of growth to do but I think Lucy too has room to grow from this all as well. She has been given quite the bad hand in this season. Maybe she can get some direction and clarity what she wants to do with career and such. I hate that she has to be the collateral damage to everything this year. It's hard to watch. But I am interested to see how she handles it all. See how she stands after all this. I think as hard as this is will end up making her more resilient.

Lucy been struggling with her own stuff this year as well. Being so good about pegging everyone around her but being blind in her own self awareness. it's going to be interesting to see how Lucy handles everything moving forward. I hope you all know how deeply my heart breaks for her. I don't like seeing her hurt anymore than I do Tim. I wanted to cry for her most of this episode. That being said I do think this growth journey will be good for her as well. Like Eric said she'll be ok they'll grow stronger from it. Can't wait to see how it plays out.

I wasn’t expecting one more scene with him reaching out like this. Telling her she was right. He’s mad himself. That stark realization that is coming over him. My god I’m so proud of him I could burst. Not only advocating for himself but telling her it was an emergency. When everything inside him is trying to do the 'honorable thing' and not call it an emergency when it is. To see he's not being a burden by reaching out like this. It’s so hard to take care of yourself when you don’t think much of yourself. It’s a foreign feeling and to act on it even more so.

Learning it’s ok to ask for help, to be imperfect, to set healthy boundaries and grow. Not an easy place to get to. This scene is HUGE for Tim. Now I mean this in the nicest way I can muster but If you can't grasp how groundbreaking this is for him you don't get him as a character at all. Nor do you understand the gravity of this SL/situation. Of what this final scene represents for him. Tim is seeing something is broken within himself and he doesn't know how to fix it. All he knows is something is wrong and he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. He wants to understand why and to get better.

I know I spent most of my 20's running away from therapy. Saying I didn't need it. That it was non sense. Pushing everything down and deflecting like Tim did. Wrapping my identity in the same things. Being SO DAMN HARD on myself. I still struggle with this but learning to give myself more grace. I can't properly explain the feeling you get when you realize you can't out run your demons anymore. What sets off something inside you that says 'I don't feel right, I don't know how to fix it but I know it's time to.' All I know is what sets it off is different for everyone.

For me it was the fact that I was set off by a kind comment. It was from a sweet lady who was a client of mine. Who commented on earrings my mother had gotten me. I hadn't thought much of it then she looked me in the eye with so much sincerity and said 'Your mother must love you very much.' That comment just hit me so hard. Triggered me. Cause some of my deepest seated trauma comes from my mom. I remember getting in my car and crying after. Texting my sister and telling her I thought it was time I got help. All I knew was something was wrong and it was clawing to the surface and I couldn't ignore it any longer.

That's Tim in this moment. Ray resurfacing was his demons coming up for air and not going away. This is his 'Come to Jesus.' moment about himself. Knowing what Dr. London was telling him today rang true. He just doesn't know to handle it and is reaching out for help to sort it out. Now He couldn’t gotten to this place without Lucy let’s not forget that. Tim wouldn't be in the place he is without her. BUT this is not Lucy's responsibility to fix. Nor should it be. As much as we love her being his person, this is Tim journey to go on.

Now my family/friends got me to place where I could see I needed help. Just like Lucy has for Tim. But it was up to me to take the first step. That's what this scene represents for him. His first step on his journey to healing himself. He knows he has work to do and I know he'll do it. He and I are alike and he will put his all into this. I'm excited the writers did what they did in this ep. Shows they're going to put the proper care into this SL. I can see a pathway way to their healing now and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in three weeks. I'm excited to see where the rest of the season goes for them both I really am. As always thank you for any likes, comments or reblogs I get for these they mean the world.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford. Mostly lol

I like the idea of Celina moving in but she’s not wrong it would be an emotional minefield… but do love the idea of her living Lucy I don’t want her to be alone. Have one little win for her.

This was the song during that finale scene. Thank you D to finding the link above. it's Chenford Personified in this ep. Once again whoever is doing this songs. You need a damn raise this hurt so good. The lyrics were so Poignant and painful. These one were my fav. 'I miss you. I miss you. I’ll always forgive you."

She will forgive Tim because that's who Lucy is. One of the many reasons Tim fell in love with her. That never ending desire to trust people and forgive them. To see the best in them. She will look at the deeper meaning of his actions and help him past them once he gets there himself. He will have to earn that forgiveness of hers and I have no doubt he will.

This will be a process of that I have no doubt. It won't be quick or easy but my god it'll be worth it. They always are. I don't expect this to be resolved by seasons end but I do expect them to be on their way there by the finale. This is a beautiful growth journey they're about to embark on and I'm ready to go on it.

[odetodilfs]

Back home

A/N: I loved doing this tbh, it's probably my favorite pre-outbreak!Joel thought, enjoy!!

Pairing: pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x male!reader

Warnings: SMUT, ass eating (reader giving), established relationship, cumming in pants.

Summary: Joel has a tough day at work, luckily, his man at home has something prepared...

Today had been a tough day for Joel, so many papers to fill, so many things to pay and just so much work in general. He called you to tell you he’d arrive like 2 hours later than usual, so you waited for him to get home. You looked at the clock and saw there were only 15 minutes left till he came back home. You sat down in the living room and started to think about Joel as you smiled, how perfect life was at times, with your family and your handsome man that you loved to pieces. Your mind drifted into his eyes, his mustache and his beautiful brown hair, those broad shoulders too.. How did a guy like you get so lucky with him? You didn’t know, but you were his.

You heard the door lock click as Joel walked in, his face damp with sweat and tired eyes and you immediately went in and hugged him, he was damp. “Her darlin’” he said tiredly, “Hey my love” you said as you kissed him on the lips and looked him in the eyes, “How are you? Tired?” he nodded at your question, “Where 's Sarah? Is she at her friend’s house already?” he asked, she had a sleepover today, “Yeah, I dropped her off like 2 hours ago” you said as you held his hand, “and you look like you’re in serious need of cuddles” you chuckled at your own words, “I really am” he smiled and you started to lead him to your room as you laid him down on your shared bed, you kissed Joel’s forehead lovingly. 

“Had a hard day at work…” he sighed in tiredness, eyes half closed and basically looking for warmth in your arms, you laid there cuddling each other as you played with his hair, not really caring if it was a little sweaty, “You’re so beautiful, I’m lucky to have you.. my hardworking man” you kissed his cheek gently, “You’re my hardworking man too..” he smiled, you blushed a little, “Anything you need? Water? A massage? Anything” you rubbed his side gently. He smirked at that, “I think you know what I want…” he chuckled slightly at you, grinning at you real big as he spread his legs, “I see, very well then” you smirked at him, getting between his legs and gently tugging off his pants, admiring his thighs, his entire body as he took his shirt off for you. You took off his underwear and socks too as you tossed them to the ground, now too desperate to get to the grand prize waiting for you. You pushed his legs and lower back ever so slightly upwards so you could have access, and with that, you put your tongue to his hole. Joel flinched at the pleasure and let out a loud moan, you tasted the sweet yet musky taste of his hole, it only made everything so much better. “Fuck.. I needed your face between my legs today.. ah..” he moaned as he put his hand on the back of your head as you tongued the tight ring of muscle, both your hands gripping his thighs as you ate him out. 

Your objective here was to please your man, to eat him out and jerk him off so he could have an amazing orgasm to finish his grueling day, and you loved, the sounds Joel was making, so needy for your tongue but still with an air of dominance, “Fuck.. just like that, just like that!” he said loudly as your tongue slipped slightly inside his hole, licking his insides ever so slightly, this made him push your face even more into him, trying to get you deeper, desperately looking for more pleasure. Your tongue fought against his tight walls, managing to get in by very little, you were basically tongue fucking him at this point, and you could tell he was in heaven by the way he was moaning loudly and you could just tell he needed this so badly.

You took your hand off of his thigh as you wrapped it around his hard cock and you started jerking him off. You grunted as you looked up at him with lust clouded eyes, he wasn’t looking at you, his eyes were probably shut tight as he let out loud moans with his head thrown backwards. This seriously got you going, nothing, nothing gave you more pleasure than the fact that Joel was feeling pleasure.Your dick was so hard and leaking precum in your pants right now, and this was so, so good you couldn’t resist starting to grind yourself on the bed.

You jerked him off and rimmed him until the hand he had on your head suddenly tightened his grip on your hair and groaned loudly, “Fuck.. so good..” as ropes of cum shot on his stomach, the sounds, the roughness he held your head with, it was also tipping you over the edge as you grinded on the bed, you also moaned into Joel’s hole as you came in your pants. “Fuck..” Joel sighed as you pulled away from his hole and you started to change into your pajama pants, leaving your soiled pants in the sink for tomorrow to wash them first thing, “You came in your pants?” Joel chuckled, “Guess you really like doing this huh?” he asked, “I really do you” you said as you hopped on the bed and licked his salty-sweet release from his stomach. 

“Today was so tiring, thank you for making it better” he smiled at you, truthfully, 

“It’s nothing really, I love pleasing you” you said as you rubbed his hand. You laid there in each other’s arms in silence, sleep gradually getting to you both. “I love you” he said tiredly, half asleep already, “Love you too, Joel..” you said in that same state.

[pennyserenade]

God Sejanus is so damn special to me. He’s such a unique character and I love him with my whole heart. He carries this belief that he’s somehow abandoned his people, abandoned himself, when he’s doing all he can to put an end to the games but he’s just a teenage boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders and he still feels like he isn’t doing enough despite doing more than anyone ever has before him and all he wants is a better life not for himself but for everyone suffering and oppressed by the capital and he’s just so important to me, like such a pure good hearted person in a world full of hatred and violence and he still thinks he’s not doing enough when staying as kind as he is and keeping his connection to his home was an act of resistance in and of itself

I could talk about him for hours tbh

i'm very happy to be receiving this ask because he's truly been on my mind for WEEKS. i feel oddly protective of sejanus because i think a lot of people have come to view him as weak and annoying---which, i think, is mostly a reflection of the way coriolanus views him. i do think there are conversations to be had about the fact that the decisions sejanus made weren't always sound, but he was meant to serve a foil to coriolanus. every move coriolanus made was calculated, thought out to even the most minute detail at times, and sejanus' were quick, instinctual, done not to impress because they he they had to be done. when arcahne crane was murdered by her tribute, coriolanus hesitated, had to be told by lucy gray to help, and did so because of the cameras. sejanus knelt down and spread bread crumbs over her body, without a single thought about the cameras. he did not care that no one understood this gesture, or that arachne was someone who never treated him with an inkling of respect. coriolanus thought about that-- he thought how she was evil and deserved to get her throat slit, and he thought about how he wasn't her friend, not really, and he even thought it was ironic that he was painted that way later. sejanus was angry at these people but forgiving, good, and he spoke out vehemently against their games and as often as he did because he hoped against hope; he wanted to reach them because he felt that he could. in all of his anger, sejanus never robbed these people of their humanity the way that they did the district people, because he knew how erroneous it was. the fight would not be worth fighting if he felt, even for a second, that there was no one to listen.

i also love that his identity is shaky; that, even though he has fierce, unapologetic ties to district two, he knows that they don't view him as one of their own. this is one of the parts that i find myself relating to the most when it comes to sejanus. i think many first gen latines can and do feel the same way. it is an odd experienced to be othered by your own and simultaneously hated by what you're 'meant' to be. sejanus could not readily fit in to the capital no matter how hard he might've tried, and he couldn't fit in to the districts because he was too 'capital' in their mind, just for the mere fact that he'd been sent there and taught there. and you do feel endlessly guilt about it -- at least in my experience -- and it is hard to contend with. you can carry on their traditions and love what you are and defend it until you are blue in the face, but what happens when they are in the cage and you stand on the other side, privileged? and like -- this is a real life thing that happened! they put children in cages. i wish with EVERYTHING in me that people would start talking about the parallels between the events in the ballad of songbirds and snakes and trump presidency because that's what it's talking abt!!! it is no coincidence they casted who they casted

[adhd-merlin]

2023 WRITING REVIEW

I really don't write much but it's the second time @eeverlark tags me in a writing meme (I think) soooo alright lys I'll do it. for you 🫶����

1. number of stories posted to ao3: 4, and yes I'm counting the fic I updated in early January because 7 out of 8 chapters were written in 2023

2. number of words posted last year: 49k

3. fandoms i wrote for: only Merlin I'm monogamous 💛

4. pairings: Merwenthur; Merwaine; background Arwen in an Arthur & Merlin fic if that counts

5. stories with the most:

KUDOS || BOOKMARKS: Call It Anything We Want (281 | 48)

COMMENT THREADS: my merwenthur vignettes have 31 threads (excluding the chapter posted in January 2024). makes sense given every chapter is basically a self-contained ficlet

6. work i'm most proud of (and why): every fic I write is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever written and it remains so until I post a new one.

Honestly though every fic(let) has some things I like and some I think I could've done better.

Having said that, Call It Anything We Want is the first fic I posted on ao3 after a long writing hiatus so. I'm proud of that and of the amount of time I've put into this story as a whole.

7. work i'm least proud of (and why): hmmm see previous answer.

there's a ficlet called The Hunting Trip that I think I could have done better – mainly the conversation Arthur and Merlin have about Uther – but I just wanted to get it done tbh. I do like how it starts though. And Cavall the dog :)

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: I absolutely love any time someone says they liked my characterisation. for example:

your characterization is insane i am so obsessed. its so so good. like. idk how to describe it you just write relationships meshing so well together and not in like. an unrealistically flawless way but in a warm and familiar way. im in awe.

or

I love this story, your writing, this relationship, this dynamic, your details, your characterization, your everything and I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time. I’m sorry for not expressing this earlier. Your continuation of the original story was incredibly, believably, wondrously fantastic.

Comments like these give me life 🥺

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: 99% of the time if I'm being honest

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wrote a ficlet that was supposed to be magically genderbent!Merlin x Arthur smut but it ended up being fem!Merlin x Gwen instead because Arthur wasn't cooperating

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:

“Ah, the court sorcerer himself!” Gwaine exclaims, spreading his arms wide, and some wine sloshes out of his goblet and spills on the floor. He claps one hand on Merlin's shoulder. “Congratulations, Master Merlin.” “I told you to stop calling me that.” Gwaine just looks at him. Head to toe, with a grin that does nothing to hide what he's thinking, and must therefore come across as incredibly lewd. “You look good in green,” is all he says. Merlin raises an eyebrow. “You think I look good in anything.” Gwaine leans closer; close enough to purr in Merlin’s ear: “And even better in nothing at all.” Mainly for the pleasure of watching the tips of Merlin’s ears flush pink. — UNWAVERING

12. how did you grow as a writer last year: well I actually wrote something which is a good starting point

13. how do you hope to grow this year: I'd love to write a multi-chapter fic with an actual plot someday. also get better at titling things

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): I think all the lovely people that left me some feedback made me push myself a tiny bit harder to keep writing and posting. a special shout-out to @castelled-away for writing whole essays about my merwenthur ficlets, I've loved every single comment 💛

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: nothing apart from my desire to kiss Colin Morgan on the mouth

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers: sometimes done is better than perfect. just get it done and move on it's fine if it's not a masterpiece. at least that's what I often have to tell myself but also I suspect I have adhd

17. any projects you're looking to starting (or finishing) this year: I would like to finish my Sefa-centric WIP, I wrote like 8k words but I'm not sure where it's going

[multifandom1writer]

Obey me! Replaced mc au brainrot part 2?!

Tbh when I posted that I didn't think anyone would like it less request for a part two but I was pleasantly surprised! So here you go!

Warning once again tho.

Mc= Noah

Part 1 :

Reminders ?!: @gayboychase @entolomaeden @bk-4-trash-fire

God I have never felt so free.

Ever since I moved into Purgatory Hall my life has changed so much and all for the better.

I could wear whatever I pleased, I wasn't in charge of anyone, I had my own room and the cliff once again just became a safe place to relax.

Simeon and Luke helped through my suicidal tendencies

Solomon helping me how he could, since he's also receiving help from Simeon and Luke

My scars were on show once again and I have never felt more comfortable

Honestly if I knew that moving to purgatory hall would have so many advantages I would have done so ages ago!

I have been so busy with my new life the demon brothers have never even crossed my mind.

The only time it did was when I noticed their pact marks had started to glow more frequently and time to time they burned a little.

I honestly didn't give it much thought, hence I didn't really care anymore.

My magic level went up drastically, it was amazing how much I could learn in the span of a month.

Solomon was honestly a great teacher, at the moment I was practicing a teleportation spell, it was rather hard but I'm getting the hang of it slowly

The small spark of magic slowly spread and spread until it turned into a full portal.

I smiled at it and Solomon spoke

-"Bravo Noah, you never cease to amaze me."- He spoke as he went and stood beside me.

-"Now imagine any place you want to go, go ahead there's no limitations."- He spoke softly while smiling at me kindly

I thought of the room beside this one, Luke's room.

I thought of the formal bed with the fancy design in the walls and the smell of pastries and small materials used for his famous cakes splattered around his room in random places.

The portal turned a soft blue and Solomon gave me the go ahead to go through.

I slowly walked through and closed my eyes as I slowly felt a bit sick from the feeling of the portal.

However when I stopped walking the soft smell of sweet invaded my senses as I opened my eyes and looked around, the room I was just thinking of earlier now being around me in real life.

-"Did you just teleport here?!"- Spoke an excited voice behind me.

There stood Luke who was working at his desk with some complicated homework he was bound to ask Simeon to help him with later on.

A smile playing at his lips as he watched me with sparks in his eyes

I laughed and said yes as he ran to me and hugged me.

He congratulated me and dragged me back to Solomon telling him my achievement while he chuckled at the eagerness of the boy.

Luke exclaimed and said -"let's throw a party to celebrate Noah! This is a huge step in magic you should be very proud of yourself!"- he said with a big smile adorning his face, my heart melted at the sight and I crouched down to look at him better.

-"we can throw the biggest party if you want to luke, you and Simeon get to bake all the treats!"- I said at the boy, he laughed and wrapped his hands around my neck as he gave me a big hug, which I returned.

And so we all spent the day, having fun and learning even more magic, giggling and making cookies, even Solomon tried! (Even though Simeon and Luke protested a lot against it). I ended up having to eat them, I'm pretty sure I have food poisoning now.

But there's the little things, these little deatils they do for me, when I learn a new spell they cleberate and don't care if it's the simplest and easiest of spells.

Their simply proud of me for doing it!

Are you sure about that?

Ah...but alas not everything in life can be perfect.

Since I relapsed my mind has fallen into a very depressive state, hence the residents of Purgatory hall refuse to leave me alone to make sure I don't do anything stupid or harmful.

There's a voice, it's a mix of all the demon brothers voices mixed into one, it's disturbing and has kept me wide awake at night multiple times.

It feeds and feasts on my insecurities and thoughts, how I look on the mirror, what I'm wearing, how I speak, my actitude, my personality.

Slowly breaking me down until I'm nothing.

You flatter me.

The fact it itself has grown a personality in my head does not help.

Each day, my hatred only grows and grows, even with the demon brothers out of my life hearing this damn voice doesn't let me move on.

Talking about them....it's been exactly 5 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, and 8 minutes since I left...

I know because Beel has been texting me everytime it changes, not every minute but every day, every week, every month.

He doesn't say anything else and he doesn't have any malicious intent I'm sure of it.

He's simply waiting for me to come back home...

Home..

Home

home

home..

What is home? Is is the people or the place? The feelings or the memories?

Is the house of lamentation even my home now? Even after I left, especially when the people that hunt my nightmares reside in that house.

Purgatory hall sounds more like home now, but I can't be to sure, how do I know their not waiting to replace me just like them?

What would happen if-?

No! No Noah! Don't let yourself think like that!

For now, I may have a house, but I'm not so sure about a home.

I sigh and look at the sunset Infront of me.

My black and purple bike behind me reflecting on the light of the red moon.

The days in the Devildom altered between a red moon and a black moon

Black being night and red being day.

I sighed and look down, this time no cigarette in sight.

I simply stared at the bandages covering my arm and sighed, noticing they had come lose.

I slowly tightened them again, thinking of everything that has happen over the last few months.

The tension has been unbelievable.

Do you know how hard it is, to be expected to go to class and act normal, as if one of your teachers is not only THE Lucifer but also the demon who revealed to the whole house of lamentation your self harm tendencies?

To be buying something for yourself or others and seeing Mammon running around buying carelessly but immideatly freezes the moment he sets eyes on you? Simply sulking over to the register staying deadly quiet, not saying anything or even looking in my direction.

To be playing a video game and be met with the same username I used to stay up all night playing games with immideatly leave once he notices I'm in the game with him?

And that's only three of the brothers! It has been so weird, being out with thirteen for makeup and seeing Asmo, to be picking out a book in a libary and seeing Satan on the other side grabbing the same book, making akward eye contact, one ending in putting the book back and walking away.

To be eating at a restaurant and see Beel's broken face on the other side of the room, watching me enjoy the foods and laughs I used to share with him not that long ago, to see belphie just stare at me through class instead of sleeping, burning holes through my skull.

It's been so hard trying to forget them, and I haven't even been thinking about them until now so what am I doing?!

I sigh and snuggle up to the warm sheets, checking my D.D.D and scrolling through Devilgram only to see new photos of the brothers with Angelica.

It hurt, even if I didn't want it to, knowing that one day not that long ago that was me.

That not long ago, I was the one reading with Satan and Lucifer.

That I was the one to help Mammon with his physics homework.

That I was the one that would help belphegor sleep.

That I was the one they cared about!

...

....

It hurts doesn't it?

To be replaced and thrown like nothing..

Maybe because you are.

Your just a human! Your nothing!

Angelica replaced you in a bat of an eye and they didn't even care.

Poor you, they only cared once the poor exchange student was crying and burning their arms to feel something!

How sad, you almost ruined their reputation so they had to get you under control thats all!

They don't care, they never cared, and they never will care.

Your worthless, just kill yourself already, nobody would care.

Their to busy with the shiny new girl to care.

....

...ouch.

I woke up the next morning, groaning and rubbing my eyes, I still felt tired and exhausted, and I could tell there were eyebags under my eyes.

But after what the voice said, I think it's finally time to do it.

I need to confront them about what happened.

Normally I'd be getting ready for school but thankfully it's Sunday and none of the demon brothers have plans on Sunday since it's their 'rest day'.

I slowly put on my leather jacket and turned on my motorcycle, the engine roaring to life, the purple stripes along it's metal body coming to life and shining a bright neon.

I took off into the street and looked around.

It wasn't a long drive so I didn't really need to take my bike but I didn't want to walk in the middle of the day on the side of the street, probably crying my eyes out.

So as I parked my bike infront of the house and put the lock on, making sure to hide it so no one would take it, I made my way infront of the house and knocked, holding my helmet between my hands and looking around whistling and looking anywhere but the front door, anxious about who would answer the door.

I looked around at its old structure and stopped whistling, my shoulders relaxing as I looked at the cracks and light emitting from it.

It's crazy to think I once felt like this place was my forever home.

I got to engrossed in my thoughts and didnt notice the front door opening.

I heard a creak sound and looked infront of me, then looked down a bit to meet the eyes of a surprised Satan.

We both just stared at eachother, me tensing up and getting nervous as I looked down at him, being tall had its moments, right now it was not one of them.

Why did I have to be taller than Lucifer?!

His bottom lip quivered and my brain immediately went to panic mode, I was about to ask what's wrong when I felt his arms around me and his soft murmurs.

-"you're back...oh my lord you are actually back..."- his voice came out as soft and quivering, something I would of never imagined of hearing from Satan.

I simply hugged him back as well as I could and waited for him to calm down before I asked if I could come in

He moved away and wiped his tears, letting me into the house of lamentation, admiring the halls that once seemed so familiar.

-"would you mind calling the rest of your family?..I think it's about time we all talked.."- I spoke softly and walked into the living room, afraid my normal actitude would piss him off or make him give me the cold shoulder.

He spoke rapidly and said yes, exiting the room as he left to look for his brothers

I looked around at the space and remembered all the memories I made in here with everyone.

I looked at the seemingly never ending fire and sighed as I remembered how safe I used to feel in this place.

I drifted off in my thoughts and before I knew it I heard Satan's voice on the other side of the door, not turning to face them as I continued staring at the ember fire.

The door creaked open and I finally turned around to look at their gaze.

I smiled and they all stared shocked at me, some with tears in their eyes.

-"Hi.."- I softly spoke and waved.

This was going to be long.

As I sat around with the brothers, I was drinking some tea Lucifer made for me, they were in akward silence while I was just happily drinking.

Lucifers tea was always a delicacy for anyone no matter the situation.

I took the last sip of my tea and sighed, some brothers tensed up as they saw I was finally gonna talk.

-"I think it's time we talked things through...about..what happened, I'm not really sure where to start so someone go ahead and ask anything, let's just really try to talk and get everything out of the way...okay?"- I softly murmured at them, smiling warmly.

Suddenly Lucifer came and kneeled beside me, reaching out his palm.

-"Can....Can I see?"- he spoke carefully as he didn't look up and meet my eyes, he talked carefully and warmly as if any louder would ruin the atmosphere in the room.

I gave him my arm and he slowly took off the bandages, relived to see how the burns were all healing well.

He looked up and smiled at me, I smiled back at him.

Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

It was worse than I thought.

It all started off really nice! They were all understanding and kind!

They were totally different! It was so nice for them to actually listen and apologize to what I've been through all this time!

But then they just had to do it!

They had to mention tHE FUCKING NEW GIRL.

'oh Angelica feels bad and guilty, you should apologize to eachother!' SHE CAN KISS MY BLOODY ASS AS AN APOLOGY THEN!

Why should I be apologizing?! Im the one hurting, not her!

Oh I'm fucking sorry I don't feel sorry for making a girl cry after I burned myself multiple times and relapsed terribly!

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!

It's fucking ridiculous, just thinking about it gets me mad.

I thought they would be able to understand but they don't!

They still thinking she's the victim after all this time! I gave chance after chance after chance.

And this is what happens when I try to make things right! I get spit right in my face by them!

I become a laughing stock! This is all too much, the voice is growing and I'm not sure I can handle it.

I need a place where I can cool off for a while and forget about this conversation and situation I just had.

I went to the cliff and looked lostly at the view, and then..

I looked down.

It was very deep and long.

Definitely death.

One jump is all it would take. Spoke the voice.

What?

I'm saying, one jump, and all this can be left in the past, doesn't that sound lovley?

Don't try to fool me with your words right now! It's not the time!

Any of my thoughts are your thoughts too, whatever I want, you want.

And that cliff right there, looks rather lovley wouldn't you say?

I slowly looked over at the edge and leaned closer, closer and closer.

Till I was one step away when-

-"Do you really want to die?"- Luke's soft voice cut through the silence, he said, walking closer to me, for a second it all sounded unreal because no one has ever asked me such a hurtful question in my whole life.

-"You can't do that, I can't let you do that!"-

-"You can't leave me here alone again!"- his voice shutters and breaks

-"you need to stay!"- he says, raising his hand to cover up his face.

-"I'm sorry.."- I spoke after a few seconds. His face all scrunched up and hurting is wounding me do deeply, against my will, I run back to the other side of the fence and away from the edge closer to him.

Hoping he understands my words.

-"I'm sorry..I'm sorry..I'm sorry..I'm sorry!"-

I cried out, yet I pause, and then, it all clicks in my head.

This boy, this angel of a person, I have finally understood that..

They needed me as much as I needed them! Even after hurting and thinking of myself as not worthy I have finally understood...

That these wonderful people I've met and bonded with, we all deeply care about about the other to lose eachother.

They wouldn't replace me or forget me, because I have truly made an impact, in their life's!

No matter who comes along, we'll always be by each others side, and that thought alone...brings me so much peace..I hug the boy tighter and pull away, wiping his tears away.

-"I think it's time to go home.."- he brings me back in for a hug and we just stay like that for awhile.

My conflicts with the demon brothers are far from over, and their sure to hear about this later, but for now, I'd like to live in the moment.

And ignore everything and everyone around me.

Maybe I don't have to matter in the brothers life's, just mattering in

Solomon's

Simeon's

Luke's

Thirteens

Raphael

And

Mephistopheles

Life's is all that matters, and I'm never letting that go, no matter what.

Sometimes you need to let go of the past, so you can start living in the present.

And I think it's time to let go.

[noriaki-kak]

Another question 👀 (if that’s ok I don’t wanna bother you) but would you be willing to post any writing pieces you made of the Braithen kids,,,,it’s ok if u can’t !! It’s totally fine!!

Here’s some paw prints of my dog 🐾 as compensation idk,,,

OOH! Doggy... thank u for this offering! I wish I had more writing to share, but tbh I have a lot less written abt the Braithen kids than I'd like. Wrangling my ability to write is always a whole thing so a lot of stuff I do have is unfinished or so context dependent it's hard to tell what's goin on.

I do have one thing I can share though! I waffled on posting it because it takes place towards the latter half of Penelope's story and a LOT happens that I haven't covered yet. But I wanted to share it so I'll try and give a bit of context under the cut before the actual Thing itself!

SO, I think @dapper-comedy has mentioned some of this but just to be sure. After Leo is cursed and his father dies, the kingdom is left without a ruler. Penelope steps up and makes a bid for the crown, successfully taking the throne with support from the church and Leo's mother.

However, the decision to make this move wasn't entirely made by herself. An angel appears before her and basically tells her she's been chosen by god and given a sacred mission to save Braithen from demonic influence. He tells her that Leo is a lost cause and the only way to free him from his pain is to end him.

He's absolutely selling her a load of bullshit, making stuff up wholesale, manipulating her for his own agenda. He also goes a lot softer on the sell when they first meet, encouraging her to take the crown, hiding the more intense stuff (i.e. "saving" Leo), and kind of telling her everything she's ever wanted to hear.

She hated her father, but she also felt intense guilt near constantly for not being the model daughter she was supposed to be. Her desire for more out of life makes her feel like she's doing something wrong.

So this angel showing up, telling her god is real and approves of her, that she should grasp power and use it to make meaningful change, that she's allowed to want more out of life than being a good wife. It gets to her. Especially being in a vulnerable state after her confrontation with Leo, seeking meaning and concrete direction.

Over the years he acts as her "guardian" angel, appearing around her and offering counsel. He starts to let the act slip as time wears on and Penelope finds herself too deep in and too weary to take note or care.

This scene is one of the worst moments of Penelope's life. I believe Thea has spoken before about how Caspian tried to end things in a church after his demonic heritage is revealed to him, before his dad swoops in and takes him to live in hell instead.

This is the aftermath of that, with Penelope not knowing where Caspian is aside from the note he left behind. (Sorry girl, going through my half finished writing and so much of it is Penelope rlly goin thru it. Promise I'll write you into some kinder scenes soon queen.) So! Without further ado.

Penelope bursts through the doors of the church for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. She stumbles, rain soaked and bedraggled, down the aisle and collapses to the ground right before the last row of pews.

It wouldn’t be long before news spread. She had acted as was her way when she found the note, swallowing her feelings and drowning herself in practicality. Simple orders to find him had already been passed to any guard stationed in the area.

All night she searched, scouring every inch of the church inside and out. At first the lack of a body had given her a torturous hope, but as the horizon begins to faintly glow, the glorious light rips it from her.

She had to find him, she could find him. She would apologize for not being there. For closing herself off with Giselle’s passing, with the duties of the crown, with Leo’s sin.

Her fingers are numb as she gropes at her pocket, she can’t bring herself to actually reach inside, to touch the paper. The feel of the crumpled note through the damp fabric of her dress forces her to remain in reality, the words flooding her mind.

She would tell him it wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t a demon. He wasn’t, he could never be. She was at fault, all of this, everything… She would tell him, she would tell him-

She would find him somewhere crying. And he would wipe his tears when he saw her and smile sheepishly and pretend his eyes weren’t red. 

And she would pretend the same, or no…

She would cry and hug him, she could put off her duties tomorrow, they could have lunch. Maybe they could go out and pick blackberries, and the taste would remind them of Giselle. She would talk to him about her.

She would find him, she would, someone would. They would bring him to her, there wasn’t a body, that means he must, he must-

“What sort of wretched way must he have left this earth to not even leave a body? Perhaps his note speaks true, perhaps his corpse fell to ash in this holy place.” He speaks with a well practiced gentle pity. It’s not as if she ever feels his presence truly leave, but he had been utterly silent up to this point, and hearing him makes her freeze.

His words gall her, a disgusting fury wrenches at her bones.

“Please...” She wants to command him to be silent but her voice is hoarse and feeble. Shaky exhaustion ruins her strength, her pride. She gasps for air and tries again.

“Please do not speak of what you do not know.” It’s nothing, her words are paper thin. In this moment she is ruler of nothing, fallen to the floor. Frail and idiotic, and beholden to everything she hates.

“Does it not ease the pain? If he was indeed stained by the demonic, you’ve been spared from saving him.” She cannot see him, but she feels him close. “He was a good man, to rid the world of another demon for you.”

White hot fury flashes in her, she crosses her arms and grips at her shoulders, clawing at herself. She crumples forward, fighting the rage, the tears. She presses her forehead against the stone floor, her face contorted in a mask of agony.

The first dry sob wracks her body, ugly and stifled. Her throat is so tight, she sounds like an animal in pain.

“T-Take me. Send me to hell, please.” It is unlike her, she pleads like a child, honest in a way she hasn’t been in years.

“If everyone I love will be taken this way, send me too.” She begs foolishly, eyes screwed shut. Any pain would be better than this, an eternity burning would mercifully kill her mind.

“And what of Leonidas?” The name makes her grit her teeth and claw deeper into her shoulders.

“You would leave him in this world alone?” She lifts her head and he’s before her now. Through blurry vision she’s certain he looks more and more sickly every day.

She lurches forward and grips his arm with a desperate strength, digging into his flesh. He doesn’t flinch.

“Help me find Caspian, guide me to him.” She croaks out. A nausea rises in her, she desperately redirects the conversation. She’s so tired of him, she knows he has answers. Why can’t he just help like he used to-

“I swear to God I speak the truth when I say your friend no longer resides in this world.” His face is blank, and yet she knows he isn’t lying. This isn’t usually how he twists his words, this is a blunt hammer.

Something freezes in her, her eyes are bugged and glassy as she looks at her surroundings, as if suddenly lost. It’s like something is broken. She releases his arm and her hands fall limply to her sides. She wishes the church would collapse on top of her.

“Leave me.” There’s barely enough air in her sore lungs to form the words. “Leave me now, or kill me.”

There’s no response, when she blinks he is gone.

She is drenched in the silence, and her eyes search the cavernous cathedral from where she sits in a solitary delirium. The early morning glow alights upon the stained glass windows, and filters through warmly.

The glass eyes of the depicted figures bore into her, silent judges in her every failure and transgression. She fumbles in her pocket and pulls out the damp crumpled note. She doesn’t dare to unfurl it, or read it again, instead she presses it firm against her heart.

On the left she thinks.

Her far away eyes cast themselves upwards towards the vaulted ceilings, this prison she was born into, the prison she chose. Or did she really choose? No, this is her fault, she…

She thinks about the last time she saw Caspian, the empty look in his eyes that she ran from, and the dam breaks. 

It is an ugly and angry sound that rips through her, it would be generous to call it a sob. The tears run hot from her eyes as she curls in on herself.

The thoughts she desperately locks away spill forth in a deluge. What was the point of any of it? What has the false strength she built herself been for? What is the power she’s grasped for if she can’t use it to protect the ones she holds dearest… held dearest.

She is alone, and a hideous selfish fury washes over her. A desperate childish rage at Caspian for leaving her here alone. The feeling only fuels her self-castigation, he apologized so profusely in his note, so convinced he had done some wrong- 

She had always been the problem, not him. Sweet Caspian, kind sweet Caspian, heart so full and trusting. She can’t imagine life without him by her side, how was she supposed to…?

Memories of him pour over her. The frozen grief she stifled over Giselle’s death joins, and her rage breaks as warm thoughts of Leo intermingle. Every moment is like a new knife, loss, and loss, and loss, after loss.

How much more could she stand to lose? How much more can she fail those around her?

She crumples like the note in her hand as her grip grows tighter, and her mind goes blank with despair. Her weak sobs sound in the quiet cathedral, echoing off the intricate stonework. She cries in a way she hasn’t in years, snot pouring from her nose, body hunched and trembling. 

Her heart breaks, for the third and final time. So she mourns loudly, knowing that once the sun is risen, she will have nothing left to give.

[sunofmoon]

Hello, how are you? I hope you are doing fine. I want to ask your opinion, but before that, I want to inform you that I don't have any intention of hating anyone. I only want to know what you think of this.

It's clear that Neymar is back with Bruna B nowadays because he's been wearing a ring on his left hand. I want to know your thoughts about their relationship.

And since I asked your opinion, may I also put mine?

Idk why, but tbh, It feels not right. About they're getting back together. And for the nth time, I don't try to gain or spread hatred here. I only really want to know your opinion.

Because for me, Ney and BB seem fake their love(?) It just seems off and strange in some way(?) Idk how to explain this.

A few times, I really wish for Ney to get back together with Carol because she looks more genuine, elegant and not an attention seeker. But we also know how this is ridiculously dumb since Carol is already married and have a wonderful family.

With BB, I think Ney's sex needs are fulfilled. While BB gets fame and money. Thus, he's known for his unconditional love for Marq back then. And I know that maybe I'm being delusional, but if you take a better look, BB is trying hard to look like BM and this is really not right. BB used to be pretty by looking like herself, she used to look pretty in her old Instagram-tagged photos. But recently, her filler and surgery are too much till really overwhelmed and fake at some points.

I just hope if they're faking their relationship just because they're used to being like this, I hope they will be separated for both own goods.

I really wish for Ney to be settled in his own family, built by the foundation of love and values, within people who treasure and value him as Neymar da Silva Santos Jr, not only for getting into his money/fame/else like his present environment.

When he said Messi is his idol, somehow I wish for him to learn from Messi. Not only in terms of football but also in a life lesson.

So he can choose a better circle who really value him as a friend and not only to dip into some of his fame. Hahah. I also hope to see him getting married, to someone that is not an attention seeker, the one who's like Carol/Anto, and seeing MSN having a good holiday together. LOL

Because sometimes, it's just sad you know to be him.

One time he was that good. He's guaranteed as a future player in his prime for the talent he had, but in an instant, he ruined it by moving into another club for money. Right now, not only his career in football that is ruined but his love life is also ruined. As if everything is never right, from having a greedy father to having an "I'm sorry" quite fake fiancée. Even for friends, the only genuine is some of his National Team, Messi, Suarez, some of his mate in Barca, Paredes, Veratti, and some in PSG.

I don't know whether he's aware or not but sometimes, I saw him realise this fake and failed world around him, but in the end, since this is the life he used to live, he's okay with that since getting used to it.

I read on some website, that during his last surgery, BB left him for Brazil since she also has a life and dogs that need to be taken care of, so Nadine is the one who takes care of him and Ney also paid for BB's father's taxes(?) IDK if it's real or not. I know that I don't have any rights to this matter. It's just sometimes, all of this feels unfair. Hehe

Lastly, I hope we all can take a neutral opinion on this. I have no intention of hating anyone here. I only want to know the thought of some other Neymar fans.

Thank you for the answer and I am sorry if it's very long.

Hey anon!!! i am fine and you?

look, everything is fine! stay calm! here is a safe place for everyone, as long as it is not to spread hatred or any other feeling close to that. and i don't care how big the ask is!

i guess i'll have to apologize to you, because i probably won't be able to give the answer i'd like. it may sound ironic, but i hardly follow ney's dating b.b., i basically only see some news when they are everywhere (example: this supposed pregnancy), so i don't feel i have enough repertoire to have an opinion about their relationship.

life is much more than photos on insta or news in tabloids, so I have no way to affirm if what they have is true since I'm not present in their intimate moments or daily routine.

about carol, i particularly love the fact that both she and ney managed to have the maturity to form a family even without being a couple thinking about davi's well being. they are friends, they are a family and they work well that way!

and obviously, i would love for MSN to spend their vacations together, to have "a similar social life", that they could fill us with pictures with their children and wives, but i think it is also important to understand that this is a decision that is up to neymar himself. i also don't like his father, i believe that many bad decisions that ney made were due to his father's influence, but he is already a grown man and it's time to take the reins of his own life.

this is probably not the answer you would like, i apologize for that, by the way! but my point is, as much as ney has leo in his life and gets good advice, as much as he has us, his fans, trying to protect him, he is a 31 year old man. he is not a child anymore. he has to start deciding which people are good for him.

[galene-gothic]

- PAID READING FEEDBACK -

Hi Galene, don’t trust when I say I'll send feedback in a few days🤣 that's like code for a few weeks ahahah. But it did give time for me to properly read the reading and take everything on board. You were so spot on when you said I feel apathetic ahh, for ages, like last week I went to do some shopping and I swear I wasn't even there mentally I just felt so withdrawn, I've sometimes even had people say that I'm daydreaming when I'm not paying attention to a conversation happening, I'm too tired to be concerned 😅💀. I just wish for time alone tbh cause I'm so fed up. think it's because I've got so many exams, coursework/responsibility I just feel so overwhelmed, especially with the amount of fallouts with friends it's just too much and I'm exhausted. When you said i would fall Ill to overworking I actually passed out in one of my clinicals and had the worst flu ever, my lecturers/ nurses had to take blood pressure it was chaotic, and anytime I went to my hospital clinicals I've had the worst nosebleeds. What the heck are you sure youre not the one spying on me, you were so accurate!! But I feel almost relieved that my hardwork won't go to waste one way or another. I can think of a few off the top of my head who would be bitter and try to pick dirt off me, they're the same who would spread gossip/rumours about god knows what. I trusted people too much for definite. I didn't think I was that interesting to spy on tbf🤣 although I unfriended the ones who were nasty to me and I think that pissed them off because they unadded me on insta soon after. The only way they'd know I unadded them was if they were watching my account everyday lmaoo. I haven't seen these girls in like 3 years. I'm trying to do better and get a better sleeping routine to help with the stress and my mental health over all. But I'd be tossing and turning thinking about everything. "Everything happened for a reason" is so reassuring and I feel it's helping me grow into a more discerning and smarter person. The bitchiness is too real haha, my life is literally the movie Mean Girls on steroids. I feel like I have to be so strategic and careful about what I say incase I give them ammo to talk about me. Peace is all I want atp but the big mouths follow me anyway, I will protect my peace by being deceptive ;). And the logical hard lad you described is basically my dad🤣 he's a tough guy and wouldn't be pushed about but he'd still care about others and has always been there for me. I sometimes feel like that's why I talk so sharply because he has a level of influence on me. It's also him who encouraged me to do my nursing. My warrior spirit would come from him, as he taught me never to give up! I thought though what you said about everyone being basically strangers was what I needed to hear exactly. Like I shouldn't let these girls put me under anymore pressure than what I already am under. I've learnt a lot of lessons after all of this and will carry this forward. I'm laughing at being told to save money, all my money goes to fuel to my car🤣 but power and status sounds so worth it. I'm so looking forward for this cycle to end and to be able to breath again lolll. And your insta quote is so true it's every man for himself. I really appreciate the amount of detail you put into the reading in such a short period of time. You've done so much research as well with the laws of power and giving me a specific quote for my situation. I will do as best as I can for myself and give myself a rest so I don't burnout.

Thank you so much, I hope to talk again soon!!

[bubblegumspacebxtch]

Keep It Quiet

A/N: so it was only a matter of time before I indulged myself and made a smutty imagine for Fez so here's that. this is just porn tbh because this man does things to me. hope ya'll enjoy

warnings || 18+ smut, minors DNI, oral (f), fingering (f), dirty talk, praise kink, gagging (with panties and fingers), unprotected sex, squirting, creampie

"Fez please," you mewled. Your hand at the back of his head as you lightly scratched his scalp. He kisses down your chest, the rough pads of his fingers were a stark contrast to your delicate tits as he squeezed them. Fezco loved how soft you were. Always so warm whenever he held you. You were driving him crazy the whole day. Walking around in your little sundress, the back of your exposed thighs made him go feral, the overwhelming want to have you sit on his face becoming too much. He could go down on you for hours, but right now, he needed you to be quiet. "Don't be too loud, baby," he whispered to your stomach, before kissing either side of your hips. You squirmed at that.

You knew you couldn't make much noise with Ash just in the other room, but Fezco's mouth wasn't where you needed him. You felt his fingers pull at the waistband of your panties before snapping it back in place, teasing you. You moaned. God, he was being a smug asshole right now, smiling as he watches you clench your thighs to relieve some of the pressure. "You real wet down there, baby?" He peers up at you through his lashes, his eyes darker than they usually are.

After a second you nod, your eyes closing as you feel him drag your panties down your legs. You bend your knees to help him strip you completely. He tossed the drench material somewhere else in the bed before placing his strong hands on each of your knees, spreading your legs and exposing your pussy to him. Fuck, he really has no fucking clue what he did to deserve you. However hard life was to him, you being in it made it all worth everything.

You try to force your legs shut again with the heat of Fezco's stare making you suddenly feel all shy and shit. "It's okay baby. Just wanna get a look at ya," you let him part your legs again, exposing your cunt to the cold air of the room. Fez brings his thumb to part your folds, spreading your lips which made you whine at the contact. "Fez please, no more teasing." He only smirked at that, enjoying the view of you sprawled naked on his bed. He's a bastard for making you beg.

You felt him pull away to stand. You watch him undress at the foot of the bed, leaving only his chain. One of his hands is wrapped around his cock, his tip red and leaking. You watch him pump his throbbing length before getting back on the bed and settling once again between your wide-spread legs. “Oh fuck,” Fez breathes, his face coming close to your glistening folds. “Look how fucking wet you are for me,” he rasps, the gentleness of his tone only causing you to bite your lip. A moan gets caught in your throat as he buries his face in your heat. You let out a small 'fuck' as you try your best not to close around his head. His long licks have you arching your back off the bed.

Fez watches you while he laps up your slick, dipping his tongue into you. It wasn't until he wrapped his lips around your little clit and started sucking that you let out a small scream, prompting you to cover your mouth with your hand. "Can't fucking keep quiet, can ya?" Fez takes his hot mouth off your pussy, replacing it with a thick finger. With his other hand, he grabbed your panties from the corner of the bed. He meets your face to kiss you. You taste yourself off of him, and you moan. When Fez pulls away, he stuffs your panties in your mouth. He smirks at you before going back between your legs.

Fez flattens his tongue over your cunt. You squeal through your gag as he continues slurping up your juices. You feel a familiar pressure spread in your belly, and by now Fez has his facial hair soaked. "Cum on my face, Y/N. C'mon." He starts fingering you, curling his digits to hit that patch within you. You let out a muffled scream as you squirt out against his awaiting mouth. You hear Fez groan before licking you clean, raising his head to watch your chest breathe in and out deep.

He meets your face again to take your panties out of your mouth. "You did so good," he mumbles as he kisses you. Fez then moves to kneel on the bed, grabbing your shaking legs in each hand and shoving them back to bend your knees. He runs his cock up and down your slit, watching your eyes roll back. Fez lines himself up with you before sinking in. You gasp at the stretch. His cock stretching you good. He hooks his arms under your legs to open you up even more to him before pounding into you. He thrusts into you, his tip going so far that your mind goes blank and you go dumb on his cock.

"Look at you," Fez groaned. "So fucking pretty under me." You whimpered at that, unable to do anything but moan his name. A particularly deep thrust of his had you crying out, making him stuff his fingers in your mouth. The way you were clenching around his cock told him you were close. He took his fingers out of your mouth to rub them harshly on your clit. You caught your mouth in your hand before you let out a scream. He was fucking you so good you swear you might pass out.

Your release hits suddenly, and Fez fucks you through it, before following soon after. He came with a groan, chest vibrating as his cum pours into you. Fez thrusts a few more times causing you to mewl because you're so sensitive, pussy tingling. He pulls out with a groan, watching his cum leak out of you. You don’t know how long he stares between your thighs as you try to catch your breath. You meet his gaze a few minutes later and give him a tired smile. Fez returns it, crawling over to kiss you again.

"Lemme get something to clean you up," you watch him put his boxers on before heading to the bathroom. Fez returned a moment later with a cloth, using it to wipe between your thighs. You gasped as he brushed over your sensitive clit. “My bad, baby," he apologized. You only hummed in response as you felt your eyes get heavy with sleep. You felt yourself drifting off as Fez pulls you to his chest, his heart thumping beneath your head. "Get some rest, Y/N," Fez mumbled before kissing your head.

[malxshrine-a]

I SEE YOU, I CHERISH YOU ♡

INSTRUCTIONS: positivity challenge !! list 6 blogs that have interacted with you in some way, shape, and / or form and show your appreciation !! let’s recognize each other’s efforts !! repost, do not reblog !! in no particular order tbh.

@deathleads — let me just preface this by saying by not following Cosmos and any character she chooses to bring to life that you are missing out tremendously. the passions shown for their oc and their easy nature is just so easy to get to know and like. This is without a doubt the truth. They are so down for everything and come ready to gush at all hours about storylines or what have you. Their oc is superb, very thought out, and you can tell they’ve been with this muse for so long just because of how easy they make it look. I recommend this one here. makes me feel like my writing is garbage. HAAAAAA.

@monstriiss — this is another good oc. draith makes sukuna down bad and we really do sometimes be up at all hours talking about acid blood making sukuna go full crackhead at like 2 in the morning. The muse is a big milf, terrifying and likely to treat you like gator food for any reason at all. and we love this. we love this scary mama. i eat this shit up like candy. another person you really, REALLY need to get to know. It’s so worth it. i try so hard to impress this one. don’t at me.

@thevcssel / @frcstie — This person is, actually, so nice. Jamie is the sweetest of people like so adorable and squish the cheeks. Yuuji is Sukuna’s little meow meow and his son, even when he’s a bit of a meanie. and their multi is gonna be just as good ngl. I love them. They write so well and any character that gets picked up is well-written. Good job, I’m so proud of you, my little meow meow. I can’t wait to interact even further in the future.

@destructivour — no matter what Ainz is such a cool person, so down to earth, so positive, and encouraging. We may not speak every day, but I am always following your feed. always. I consume everything you give. The understanding and voice Ainz has for Grimm is unreal. Ainz is a real one tbh, but I absolutely think everyone knows this. He’s a real positive voice in rp and there is a reason people love this person. If you haven’t just glanced at this blog or any of his others, you need to.

@hortussecretum — Apple is insane. I am convinced and I love it. They have such crazy muses, chaos is their brand, and I am never bored. They really do like to spread and give their attention when you need it, i swear. there are days I feel like not enough, stressed, and it’s like staring at a blank reply for thousands of hours before frustration takes over and Apple comments something that makes you caveman scratch your skull and YOU WHOT? I will never in my life forget the mommy kink tag exists on my blog, because they decided pure, unadulterated chaos was the answer. Unapologetically genuine, really nice, and liable to send you crack shit as soon as you awaken. it is worth it to add them.

@civara / @shometsu — can I just say ... you’ll never find a better duo. like I just ... PB&J been real silent since these two dropped, i swear to the gods. these two are the dynamic and writing you want and aspire to, but then, you realize your attention span is on it’s lowest settings. I just really, truly recommend getting into their stuff and getting into them, too. they’re so talented in terms of editing, drawing, and writing. The way they understand their characters is top tier. LIKE I’LL SCREAM IT AND I’LL KICK SHIT OVER, FOLLOW THEM BOTH. witness greatness.

honorable mention: @slayersaided​ — can I just say this little guy has been with me for so long? anywhere I've gone? I just ? I literally JUST started kny and finished only just this morning. I had no idea who or what character they were, but I really was about their writing and interaction. always with a rather dry sounding quip on dash and I consume their posts en mass. Now, I can actually understand what’s being said and mentioned and I’m about it. I’ve been lurking and I swear it’s time to come at you. 

[jjheejz]

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well. 

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them. 

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and  Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps). 

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news. 

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

//

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

[daegalfangirl]

└> SUMMARY; based off of the song "bye my first" by nct dream, love is a little hard.

└> GENRE; angst angst angst kind of a teensy bit of fluff??? unrequited love (on both ends) bffs to strangers to friends

└> WORD COUNT; 2.4k+

└> PAIRING; donghyuck/jeno x fem!reader

└> WARNINGS; they grow up like super fast, i think theres cussing i cant remember, donghyuck has like a weird obsessive moment (but it goes away)

└> TAGLIST; @woofie-nctzen-fanarts-320 @skrtbeepbeep @tarolovebot @sunshinedhyuck @haechanswhore (BYEE OMG IM SO SORRY I FORGOT TO ADD YOU TO THE INITIAL TAGLIST 😭😭😭)

└> A/N; the angsty ass heartbreak yet the closure at the end is so UGHHHHHH i wrote this all in an hour and a half and tbh for the time spent on it im extremely satisfied. prolly my fav fic so far (mostly cus im an angst lover) but i really hope y'all like it as much as i did! also i've been super super busy this week i only got the chance to proofread once so i'm very very very sorry for the errors. i also rushed putting this together (bc again im really busy rn) so i apologize if there's anything odd. if there's an error that sticks out obnoxiously to you feel free to tell me!

part of the feelings on shuffle. collab!

ılı.lıllılıı.ıllı

↳ currently playing ;;

Bye My First... - NCT DREAM

0:56 ——•———————— 3:26

↺ << ll >> ⋮≡

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ: ————•

Love, I only have you

When  I said I'd risk my life

To  prove you were my last love

That was yesterday (Woo!)

Your sobs loudly spread through the playground, as the other kids ignore your pain. There was always some crying kid at the playground everyday. Ignoring the pain of a peer was an odd normalization, but it existed at your school. No one seemed to care about your injury.

But he did.

Lee Donghyuck. He was quite popular among your peers due to his extroverted personality. He was the last person you'd expect to see when you opened your eyes.

At first you were in disbelief and thought you misunderstood because of your blurry vision from the overflowing tears.

But it was real.

"Hey, don't cry." He urged, not knowing what to do. He himself didn't know why he was here either, he'd always ignore people when they cried. It's not because he wanted to, but because he didn't know what to do.

Though, when he saw you, he felt the urge to protect you.

That was the first step into something dangerous between the two of you.

To this day you're still not sure whether you regret it or not.

It was clumsy first love

Always  by your side, next to you

I  followed you around everywhere, I might as well stick to you

I thought everything would work out if we did it all together

"Haechan!" You yelled while running next to your best friend. It was the last day of elementary school, and you wanted to spend the whole day with your best friend (and crush), Lee Donghyuck.

You'd miss him over the summer, he always brightened your day. He felt the same way as well, both of you clinging to each other the whole day.

"You know... It's a different school and stuff. We won't forget about each other Hyuckie, right?" You asked, twiddling with your fingers in worry. "Of course not, we'll always be best friends Y/n." He said as the both of you hugged each other, not wanting to let go.

You'd never let go of him, or so you thought.

Oh, how much simpler it was to be young and careless.

--

"We have new neighbors Y/n, and they have a son your age. I know you've been missing Donghyuck, so why don't you try to make a new friend?" Your mother urged, saddened by your unhappy state ever since the summer started.

"But mommy... no one will ever replace Donghyuck." You said tearing up. You had really grown a connection with your “best friend”, and it was quite noticeable.

God, were you a sensitive child.

"I'm not telling you to replace him baby, just make a new friend!" She tried once again, hoping you'd follow through with her request.

You mumbled a small fine before going back to your room to put on some shoes. You washed away all your worries, wanting to experience some happiness over the summer.

You opened the door and walked out. You twiddled with your fingers in nervousness, that being one of your most annoying habits. You walked out, and as soon as you went out your eyes met familiar ones.

Haechan?

Haechan!

The both of you ran towards each other, falling on the grass with your bodies attached in a comforting hug. You both laughed and brushed off the grass from your clothes.

"Why are you here Haechan??" You asked, completely confused. How did he know where you lived?? Isn't that a little cree-

"I moved here! I didn't even know you lived here Y/n, but I'm happy." He says clapping his hands, excited for what the summer brings between the two of you.

A summer full of Haechan was exactly what you wanted! You were glad to have your best friend live next door, as it opened more doors for your friendship.

Although, a summer full of Donghyuck was not what you needed for the future.

Those were the days of youth, it was like a movie

The anxiety that's been closely followed by love

I thought I grew up

What do I do?

All  those times were memories

It all passed by

6th grade. In 5th grade you were at the top of the chain at the school. Now you begin once again at the bottom. You're finally growing up, something you didn't expect to hit so soon.

Growing up? You're so funny Y/n.

You and Haechan didn't have any classes together, only sharing the same homeroom. It was a bit disheartening, but you knew you guys would still be glued together.

Yeah, you sure knew...

"Y/n, guess what?" Donghyuck said as he ran up to you, clearly in a bright mood. You were happy to see him happy, expecting some great news. You nodded at him and smiled.

"I have a girlfriend!"

The words you've dreaded and hoped to never come out of his mouth.

It was going to happen, was it not? But why so soon....

He was your best friend. Stop overstepping your boundaries Y/n, know your place. You're being selfish, you scolded yourself mentally.

Be happy for him, his happiness is yours.

You nodded and smiled at him, not knowing what else to say. "Do you wanna meet her?" He asked, wanting his best friend and girlfriend to get along. "Sure!" You said, getting up.

"She's in our homeroom, over here!" He said dragging you by your hand. "Hey, Luna, this is my best friend Y/n." Donghyuck said introducing the both of you to each other.

You could detect her scowl from a mile away, her eyes glaring at you and Haechan’s intertwined hands. You looked back at Haechan, clearly oblivious to her reaction.

Couldn't he date someone nicer? It could've been so much easier for you.

They'll break up after a couple weeks, middle school relationships never last.

Their relationship definitely lasted longer than it should have.

Baby (Baby)

I'm really gonna go crazy (Crazy)

Because I fell for you

And all I knew was straight ahead

Donghyuck didn't know what to do.

"Stop being friends with her." The words rang in his head constantly, as he weighed out his options. He couldn't do this to her, not Luna, she was his first girlfriend. He wanted to her to be his first and last

God, what a fucking mistake on his end.

--

"We can't be friends anymore." Donghyuck said, not bothering to make eye contact with you. Your heart shattered with his words. Why? Why would he do this?

You knew exactly why.

Donghyuck and Luna have been dating on and off since 6th grade, it's now 9th grade. There was always one common subject in their arguments that led to breakups.

You.

You should've known sooner, but it's still a major letdown. You didn't know whether to be disappointed in yourself or Donghyuck. "Okay." You sighed, holding your tears.

"Huh? Really?" Donghyuck said, finally turning to make eye contact with you. Your eyes were never something he could decipher, maybe that's why he was so attracted to you-

-as a friend of course.

Your eyes looked dull, but he couldn't tell what you were feeling in the moment. "It was expected of you, Haechan. You've been avoiding me recently, and it doesn't take a genius to know why." You explained.

"I know you'll be fine. You were turning away from me to hang out with those basketball boys anyways, not that I dislike them." You answered before walking away.

He didn't deserve to see your tears. You're a strong girl, are you not?

You didn't want to hear what he had to say, you didn't even want to hear an apology. You knew Haechan, correction, Donghyuck pitied you in this moment.

You don't need his pity. If he really cared he wouldn't have done this.

All these years so in love with a boy that never cared to love you back, so it felt.

Yeah, now you know how heartbreak feels like.

It's whatever, so so

I guess this is it

I wanted to do better

I still don't know

I've only went this far

(Love is a little hard)

You never opened your curtains. Not once, never again. Your window pointed straight to Donghyuck's room, and you didn't need to be constantly reminded.

You remember when you made the mistake of opening your curtains, you saw Luna in his room, giggling. As soon as she saw you, her laughs amplified.

It was sad. You knew what she was trying to do, yet it still worked.

She knew how to remind you that you've lost, and you let her step on top of you. She won, that's all that mattered in her eyes.

It was all a major reality check, because Donghyuck didn't care. He never did. He never cared about you, not since day 1.

He saved you from that playground, only from mere infatuation. You weren't a fool, you noticed it. He never cared about you, he was just interested in the idea of having a friend like you.

What a piece of shit.

Never, never again.

--

Donghyuck felt like absolute shit. He had never seen or heard of you after that. Of course he noticed how your curtains were always closed, how could he not?

He asked the Neo basketball team for advice, not knowing what to do. He missed your friendship, he missed you.

How could he have been so inconsiderate?

He remembers how the Neo basketball team looked at him when he explained the story, criticizing him. Taeyong had to be the one to tell everyone to stop, but he shouldn't have.

He knew he deserved it.

He laid on his bed that night. Body facing the window, the one which you shared many memories communicating.


That night he cried.

For the first time in his life, Lee Donghyuck cried for you.

That's right, I'm so so

Maybe I'm young-minded

I didn't want to be caught

A secret only I know

I'll bury it here

(Love is a little hard)

Donghyuck was popular, he'd been popular his whole life. Not only that, he was commonly crushed around campus. Too bad though, because everyone knew he was Luna's boyfriend.

He knew that everyone viewed him in his relationship as Luna's boyfriend.

Duh, obviously. They were dating. But why did Donghyuck hate the label so much?

The answer was obvious, but he’d never accept the truth. It's far too late.

Today was another realization for Donghyuck. He walked into the library, or almost did. He stopped once he heard Luna's voice. He hoisted the door to the library slightly open so that he could hear what was being said.

"Awe, all alone now aren't you? No Donghyuck to stay by your lonely side? Not anymore.” Luna said, taunting you.

Haechan didn't have to think twice to know who Luna was talking to.

You hummed softly, giving her minimal attention. Luna was unhappy by your response, or lack thereof. "No reaction? Someone’s being a little bold." Luna scowled.

You once again failed to give her any attention. Haechan noticed how the situation was escalating and took the risk of being seen by one of you.

He had to see what was going on, and he decided to peep his head through the door to look at the scene.

You had been intentionally ignoring Luna everytime she tried insulting you, because you knew she always wanted a reaction from you. It reassured her, a win in her eyes.

Luna had enough with you. She had quite the short temper, which wasn't much of a secret to the school. Haechan had never seen her try to get violent, not until now.

She raised her hand, now milliseconds away from slapping you.

That memory will forever be ingrained in his mind, the moment he realized he didn't protect you. He hurt you, he witnessed someone he (thought he) loved try to do the same.

He felt pathetic as he walked away from the library, not bothering to intervene. He decided to keep it to himself, a rather painful secret.

Why did things have to get so complicated?

Ooh, I know as much as everyone else

Now, I'm not

Young anymore

I told you to trust me

Endless love

Someone in your heart

Don't get carried away

It's eventually stop

Junior year. Oh how time passes by so quickly.

Haechan didn't expect to walk into his class on the first day to see you and Jeno laughing. One of his own best friends, how could Jeno do this to him?

All he saw was red. He was lucky that Jaemin stopped him before he did anything he’d regret.

"I'm so fucking tired of this Donghyuck." Jaemin said, clearly about to burst. "Grow the fuck up. She's not yours, she never was. You treated her like shit and now you're angry someone's making her happy again? I don’t wanna get involved in something that has nothing to do with me, but I knew if I didn't pull you back you would've hurt my best friend. I’m not letting that happen, not in my eyes again.."

Jaemin was so right, Haechan couldn't even correct him. It was the truth.

That day, he broke up with Luna.

It's time he starts a new beginning, but he couldn't let go of you, not just yet.

He wanted you back in his life again.

You said I was the only one in the world

But let go of my hand

And I stupidly held onto those days

I truly knew nothing

Such a pure first and last

It all passed by

It was official, the day he had always dreaded. You were officially star basketball player Lee Jeno's girlfriend.

Donghyuck knocked at your door, expecting your mother to open the door. Of course things didn't go according to plan, because Lee fucking Jeno opened the door.

"Huh? Donghyuck? Why are you here." Jeno asked, confused.

You were in the kitchen and as soon as you heard his name you got up in confusion and walked to the door.

It had been so long, too long since the two of you had spoken to one another. "Why are you here, Donghyuck?" You asked in confusion. He could see the way your eyes dulled when you looked at him, and it hurt so much. He deserved it though, he really did. "Let's talk, in private." He said, not wanting to confront you in front of Jeno.

"Okay." You said as Jeno walked back in, you following him outside.

Baby (Baby)

My heart has changed (Heart)

If I don't say something

You'll never notice

"What did you need?" You asked Donghyuck uninterestedly, but still not as bothered as you'd expected. Neither of you felt as if you were prepared for this moment, the closure.

This was the end. The end of you and Donghyuck’s chapter of failed romance.

"I want to try again-" Before silence could pass after his words you laughed loudly. He would've enjoyed the giggle if it was in any other context.

"Now? After how many years? Donghyuck, I don't know what makes you think I'm so easy to get but it's honestly really weird. I thought you'd be happy for me, no?" You asked, utterly confused yet amused.

You sighed, finally deciding to take this seriously. Both of you needed this closure. "Donghyuck I'm thankful for everything, you were my first love. For 7 years I was head over heels for you, but I was too optimistic when it came to my trust in you. I think it's time we both let go and just settle down as friends. I'm sorry it had to be this way, but what's done is done. I'm happy, and I don't want to hurt mine and Jeno's feelings just for your own satisfaction. I love you so much, but I know you can find someone so much better. Please move on, because I have and I don't want to see you in pain. Maybe if things were different we could've been together, maybe if you didn't break my heart.”

Those were the words he needed. It's time.

It's time to let go.

The both of you cried in each other's arms, it was a goodbye to the past and a hello to your present.

"Thank you for everything." You said in a broken voice as Haechan nodded, not wanting to speak knowing his voice would break.

The pain the both of you suffered was immeasurable, but it's what brings you to beautiful moments like these.

Now you're both finally growing up.

So yeah, maybe love is a little hard.

“we’re always learning as we grow. even though we all have our painful experiences, but they shape us into who we are now. so thank you, thank you for shaping me into who i am. i will truly love you till the end. thank you for being my first love, for teaching me to let go.

from your forever best friend, y/n.”

kvydence, 2021 ❣︎

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

heart+head(ache), m | myg, jjk

pairing(s): yoongi x reader x jungkook

summary: Like the seasons, the highs and lows come and go. Unlike the seasons, the lows are unpredictable and multiplicative, because life is not just one aspect, but many. If there's one person that can be your heart, it's Min Yoongi. If there's one person that can occupy your head, it's Jeon Jungkook.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; fluff / comfort, then PWP; smut (fem reader, nipple play, scratching / marking, fingering, hair-pulling, penetrative sex); softdom!Jungkook

this series has always been the personification of Yoongi and Jungkook as my muses. therefore it's not really a story, but rather a glimpse into my emotional state at the time it was written (about two weeks ago). I thought about not posting it, but, hey, you can choose to read it or not. I don't expect anyone to read it, tbh.

--

heartspace!Yoongi - his POV

"Leave me alone."

He sat down, silent, beside the hunched form.

"I can't take it anymore."

The only light came from the desk above them, the laptop screen blaring brightly in the darkness.

"I want to go back to the way it was."

He reached up and touched her knuckles, rubbing his fingertips over them.

"Back when no one knew I existed. Back when no one wanted to get in my head."

Over the silver rings, tracing reach one, decoration and armor, mirroring the outward self that protected the one inside. The fragile one that hid from the outside world. She let him see the fragility in this space, but only in this space. Her nails dug into her skin, tearing it up from the outside as the thoughts inside tore her to shreds.

"I don’t want these wings. I don’t want to fly high."

He waited, quietly, saying nothing, hand on hers. In this space, it was only him and only her.

The heart and the heartless.

"I don’t want to be in this light..."

Her eyes found his and he looked back, into shadowed orbs clouded from struggling for far too long and would continue to do so until she was no more. That was the way of the world, persistent and hurtful for no reason at all.

Time heals all wounds, but some wounds are blind to time, stagnant and frozen.

"I don't know the difference between pretending and not pretending anymore," she whispered, so quietly that he had to strain to hear.

He finally spoke, squeezing that thin hand gently.

"In some ways, they're the same thing for you, aren't they?"

She looked at him for a long, long time.

He lifted his hand from hers and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers.

“You are with me,” he murmured. “And with me, you can be anything.”

This face hid behind smoke and mirrors. This face didn’t trust the world and trusted their own reflection even less. The world could pretend to know, but the reality was the depth of the scars was much deeper than anyone could ever fathom and this mind was unlike anyone else’s, too creative for its own good, producing new and intricate tortures for the one that lived within it. Only here, in this space, did he have a glimpse. Even then, he wasn’t sure he would ever see all of it, because that wasn’t necessary and because some shadows should stay in the dark where they belong.

"I can't be like them, Yoongi."

Min Yoongi shook his head.

"They're ordinary. You're special."

"I'm not."

"You know you are, otherwise no one would find solace in knowing you exist."

He held her face in his hands.

"Nameless, faceless, and yet... they flock to the safety of you."

He leaned forward, forehead to forehead.

"Who else can say that? No one. Not even me. Everyone knows my face now."

Into dark, dark eyes full of pain, reaching in, shouldering the weight so it was a little lighter, a little less heavy. He didn’t need to know the reason for the weight. It was there, and so he assisted.

"They'll never know the one I know."

A little despair, a little helplessness, all her.

"I'll never know the one you know."

He kissed her, softly, whispering her name and his love.

“If you think you can’t feel, then I will feel for you. If you ever feel like you don’t have a heart, know that I will be yours. Trust me.”

“Can I?” she breathed against his lips, eyes closed, lost in his taste.

Yoongi chuckled, running his hands through her hair, breathing in the scent of sweet matcha marshmallow, deeper, richer, warmer now that it was soaked into her skin, smooth and soft under his fingertips. She was like that. Everything she touched became more vivid, more alive, more real, even if it was only a fantasy.

“Of course. You are with me.”

He pulled her into his hold, into his lap, both of them still on the floor, cradling her at her lows so he could raise her at her highs.

“However long you need, one day, one week, one month, a year, until the end of time… I will be whatever role you need me to be. Obsession, possession, enemy, protector, muse, lover, one of them or all of them,” he murmured softly, lips on her temple, hand on the left side of her ribcage, cradling that rapid rhythm under his fingertips.

It was easy to say, don’t think about anyone else, but much harder to do so, and thus he didn’t say it. There was no need to. She already knew. That’s why she had retreated in the first place, retreated to the safety of his heart and blocked out the outside world.

“They are but visitors and they should be grateful to visit.”

Her fingers twisted into his shirt, clutching the fabric tightly.

“But I am, can, and will be everything you need, if you let me.”

She spoke into his neck, her hot breath wafting over his skin.

“You already are, Yoongi. You already are.”

They stayed like that, for a long, long time.

-

headspace!JK - reader's POV

You opened your bedroom door to find Jeon Jungkook laying on your bed.

His dark brown eyes shifted to you.

You looked away and closed the door.

“Where have you been?”

Every time. Every time you heard his smooth, silvery voice, you were reminded of home, even if he wasn’t always here. Then again, home was never a place to you. Like a permanent resident, Jungkook always managed to find his way to your bed and you, well, you resided with his voice.

“Who knows,” was your answer.

Because, in truth, you didn’t know.

Jungkook tilted his head, pink lips slightly parted. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He sat up, watching you, black strands brushing against his dark brows. There was a slight furrow to them, somewhere between disbelief and inquisition. White t-shirt, blue jeans. He hadn’t been here long, otherwise he would have given up on the jeans. His eyes followed you, resting his right arm on his knee, black tattoos standing out against the light wash of the jeans and white-shirt, tan skin the perfect background for them. With the red eyeball tattoo, perhaps it was more accurate to say that three eyes were observing you.

You stood beside the bed but didn’t get on it.

Jungkook let out a soft sigh, the side of his lips quirking up ruefully. “If I was hyung, I would say the right words.” He frowned slightly, chewing on his lower lip, tiny mole underneath flashing into view, a soft kiss from the moon, perfectly placed in the middle. “He always knows what to say.”

You could almost hear that gentle, deep voice murmuring to you, hand on your chest, right above the rapid rhythm below his palm.

You always say it’s nothing when it’s something you know no one will understand.

Jungkook placed his chin on the back of his hand and looked up, catching your eye and pulling you from your thoughts with his voice.

“I don’t know what to say, but I can make you feel.”

You looked back, but still didn’t get on the bed.

“You cut your hair.” It was to his ears now, still black, just shorter.

“Mhm.” He smiled. “Do you not like it?”

You chuckled dryly. “You could be bald, Jungkook, and you would still look good.”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “Someday I’ll show up like that and then I’ll know if you’re telling the truth.”

You didn’t laugh or banter back, settling into silence instead. He noticed right away. His features softened and he raised his other hand to beckon you to him.

You didn’t move.

His lips formed to the words and you could tell he meant them because he maintained eye contact, not letting you avoid his gaze.

“I missed you.”

Where have you been?

You placed your hands on the bed, fingers spread, silver rings glinting in the light, lighting each and every one, all except your left pinky. You still hadn’t found the perfect one for that one yet. The three silver necklaces you wore clinked together as you crawled to Jeon Jungkook, mind full of thoughts that fell away one by one, replaced by the sight, sound, smell of Jungkook, tongue remembering his taste, skin prickling, remembering his touch.

“I could have distracted you,” he whispered, leaning forward.

“I wasn’t the best version of myself,” you whispered back, the dull ache of intangible weight pressing down on your ribcage. “I couldn’t see you like that.”

He lifted his right hand from his knee and reached around your head, burying his fingers in your hair, pulling you closer to that face and those eyes, sharp and defined with an endearing softness, lashes lowering, inhaling your scent, lustful satisfaction clouding his gaze as he once again recognized that you had changed it from that spiced, warm chestnut to a heady matcha marshmallow.

“You know,” Jungkook breathed, tugging you to him, his lips brushing against yours. “I am here for all versions of you, good or bad, sad or mad, fallen apart or all in one piece.”

His teeth nipped your lips and your breath caught your throat, knowing he was making you wait, curling his fingers in your hair to hold your head in place.

In this space, with him.

“If your head is full of me, there’s no space for the other thoughts.”

“That’s not how it works, Jungkook.”

“That’s how I want it to work.”

His lips captured yours, firm, intense, hand pulling you to him and his hard body, surrounding you in his embrace, your gasp in his mouth as he pressed you to his chest, pinning you down, forearms flexing against the small of your back, your hands coming up to steady yourself on his shoulders, digging your nails into the thin fabric of the t-shirt. You shivered in his hold, eyes opening slightly, not realizing they had closed, and his were open too, filtered by his lashes.

“I don’t want to go back out there,” you said, so softly that the words didn’t seem real.

“Then don’t,” Jungkook whispered. “Stay with me.”

“You’re not good for me.”

“They’re worse.”

He spread his legs and put you in his lap. You could feel the texture of his jeans through the thin fabric of your pajama shorts, thighs on top of his, softness to hardness. His fingers traced the lapel of your pajama shirt and the red piping, smiling at the print, little red devil heads making various faces against the black jersey fabric.

“You’re insufferable.”

The small smile lifted and now it was yours, turning into a smirk. “Yeah, but you love me.”

You stared into those eyes, that face, trapped in his arms, his body, his voice, his sound, everything just Jeon Jungkook, and the hesitation remained. You felt his hand shift, raising, fingertips brushing your cheek, sending shivers up your neck and to his electric touch.

“I couldn’t come back because it didn’t feel right.”

His hand lowered, cradling the side of your neck, thumb stroking your jaw.

“What about now?” Jungkook asked, silvery and sweet.

You told the truth, because the truth was eating away at you.

“I don’t know.”

He turned his head and leaned in, inhaling your exhale, eyes closing.

“I’ll help you know.”

His kiss.

I want to be your everything.

He made you memorize the shape of his lips, made you memorize the weight of his hands, made you memorize the curve of his shoulders and chest, pushing you down on the bed, your hands sliding down and pressed to his chest, palm to his heavy heartbeat, hungry kisses and fleeting tongue teasing you, the lower half of his body pinning yours down. Heavy. Inescapable. You tried to move away to speak but he caught your lips, pulling your back, his left hand peeling your right off his heart and interlocking his fingers with yours, slamming it down on the sheets, his right snaking in between your bodies, undoing the buttons one by one. You cried out into his mouth and he lifted his head, black hair messy, breathing hard.

“J-Jungkook…”

His lips were dark, swollen from kissing you so fiercely, irises shadowed and pupils expanded.

“This is how it should be, with you saying my name like that.”

You glared at him, but he simply chuckled, diving back down again, lips attacking your neck, kisses and bites that made your breath hitch, clutching fistfuls of his shirt, and it didn’t matter, it simply didn’t matter anymore, too many outside thoughts when you could just have Jungkook invading your head, clawing the hem of his shirt upward, digging your nails into his back and his soft skin, his moans on yours, tongue dancing up your trembling throat, biting that space right behind your right ear, your pulse roaring under his lips and your name in his throat, no distractions., only Jungkook.

“My mark belongs all over you,” he growled possessively.

Your nails dragged down his broad back and his hips bucked into yours, his oppressive force and weight a welcome one. You didn’t respond. A single dark brown orb watched your face, smirk against your earlobe. No response needed because Jungkook could see it in your expression and the way you held him, violent but desperate, needing him more than anyone or anything else in this world right now.

“Someday,” he murmured teasingly.

“In your dreams,” you shot back, finding your voice.

“They’re all about you.”

He sat up, thighs straddling you, crossing his arms and pulling up his white t-shirt in one swift stroke, tossing it aside. His lips curved into a sly smile, seeing you bite your lip and narrow your eyes to hide your breathlessness at his muscular and toned torso, the black tattoos of his right arm rippling as he leaned down again, his large hands next to your head, smirk dancing above your face.

“Just like how yours are all about me.”

You didn’t look away. “They’re not.”

Neither did he. “They will be.”

You clicked your tongue.

Unfazed, unbothered, unwise, you pulled Jungkook down to you, closing your eyes, his fresh scent filling your nose, lips on your skin, murmuring, so sweet, so delicious, kissing your collarbones, pushing your shirt off and reaching around you, forcing you to yank your pajama shirt off to avoid getting tangled in it and your unhooked bra, already moving on, lips wrapping around your hard nipple and you felt his eyes on you, opening yours to see his smirk and his tongue flicker, pulses of desire clawing through you, all because of Jungkook.

“What?” you managed to get out, sucking in a breath as his hand came up, fingertips pushing the other hard nub, watching your expression with his tongue extended.

“You belong under me, like this, enjoying everything I do to you,” he murmured, lapping slowly, not enough but still too much with the visual included.

“S… Stop looking at me like that.”

He shook his head slowly, your name falling from his lips, black hair brushing over his brows. You stiffened as his hand slid under the waistband of your shorts, under the thin fabric of your panties, long fingers dancing closer and closer to your heated, dripping core.

“If I look away, you might disappear from me again.”

You were lost, lost in the feeling of Jeon Jungkook.

Brown eyes ensnaring you, drowning your senses with his sensations.

“I can’t have that.”

His lips wrapping around your nipple again, deft fingers slipping inside your pussy, moan drifting from your lips as you raised your hips, shorts and panties sliding down, but Jungkook was already moving, plunging his fingers in fast and rough, sucking hard, tongue teasing the hard tip, other arm wrapped around you and free hand splayed in the small of your back, locking you in his space.

“Fuck, Jungkook, fuck…”

Your walls clenched around his fingers, his chuckle vibrating through your nipple, faster, harder, so easy because you were so wet and he was so close, one hand in his hair and the other clutching the sheets, back arching, muscles pulled taut in his touch, thighs unable to close because his own were holding them open, fingers tightening in his short black hair, nails digging into his scalp, breathing hard, not letting him have his favorite sounds, so Jungkook increased the pace, his own fingernails clawing at your back, and your eyelids fluttered, jaw clenching, moan torn from your throat.

“A-ah, Jungkook…”

And it all crashed down, fierce blossoming pleasure overtaking your veins, pitch hiking as his fingers stilled and his thumb pressed to your clit, fuck, don’t, but he did, he did because you pulled him even closer, chest to chest, his triumphant pants against your neck, hand sliding up your back, pushing your head down, taking your lips and your scream as you came again, all over his hand, tight pulsating walls clenching around his fingers, the scent of sex painting the air and his palm, covering him with you.

“Fuck…!”

You broke the kiss, hand wrapping around his forearm, squeezing hard, taut muscle pushing you back, tattoos peeking out from beneath your fingertips, staring into his eyes, time stopping, slow circles on your most sensitive spot, his blown-out pupils reflecting yours, skin to skin, heart racing against his.

“What?” Jungkook panted. “Tell me.”

His brown orbs searching your face, shrouded by lashes, desire so obvious that it was tangible and palpable.

“Want you.”

His lips curved into a smug smile.

“Yeah? Say it again.”

Your hands left his hair and his arm, reaching between your bodies, still gazing into his eyes.

“Want you, Jungkook. Want you to fuck me.”

His forehead touched yours as the button came undone, his hair sticking to your face, both sweaty from the intensity.

“I really missed you more than the words,” he mumbled against your cheek, helping you push his pants down, skin to hot skin, kicking them off the bed.

“Mhm.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I’m not an idiot, Jungkook.”

“You are if you don’t believe me.”

You stilled, holding the condom out and Jungkook took it from you, ripping it open, cocking an eyebrow defiantly as he rolled it down his hard length, nudging your thighs.

“You… You’re just here to annoy me.”

Your eyes shifted away and you felt him pick up your legs, pushing them up, hooking them over his shoulders. One of his hands cupped your chin and tugged you back to face him, not letting you avoid his gaze.

“We both know that’s not true,” he said softly.

You gasped sharply as he gripped your chin, holding you in place as he slid in, setting his jaw at your tightness, both of you shuddering at the feeling of your pussy surrounding his cock, feeling it swell inside you and get harder, stretching you out, his determination nearing as he leaned down, bending you in half, hand leaving your chin and pressing his palms flat against your sheets, breathing hard as he shoved himself the rest of the way in, a little pain but so much pleasure, soft thighs against his hard torso, your breath mixing with his, hot and heavy and sweet despite how firmly he had you pinned down.

“I want your head full of me,” Jungkook sighed, slowly rolling his hips into you, making you gasp. “You’ll never have a bad thought if I’m occupying that space.”

“Fuck, you can’t… ah, that’s not how it w-works, Jungkook…”

He was using his weight to drive his thrust, powerful and intense, ramming his hips into you, your juices leaking out and sticking to his crotch, the inside of your joined thighs slick and wet, loud slaps echoing throughout the bedroom, stiff length so hard you could feel it twitch inside your pussy, hitting you as deep and as rough as you liked, probably too much for the normal person, but not you, because you wanted to feel it all, wanted Jungkook to really fuck you and not be gentle about it, grabbing his hair and smacking your hips up to meet his, making you both moan loudly, names mixing with the visceral sounds of sex.

“I’ll just keep fucking you then,” Jungkook hissed. “Keep fucking you and make you feel so good that nothing else matters, nothing except how good I can make you feel.”

You looked up, your silver rings glinting in his black hair, your silver necklaces cutting into your neck and the three coin-shaped pendants jingling and clinking in rhythm with the mattress bouncing under your bodies, pressure and pleasure building inside your core, struggling to breathe as you glanced down and watched him enter and reenter, thick cock slick and hard before disappearing inside you.

“A-Ah…”

Back to his eyes, nearly black from arousal, groaning as you came around him, throbbing walls squeezing his entire length, feeling it all with every pulse.

“You’re gonna have to f-fuck me harder… than t-this…”

He smirked, raising an eyebrow. “You got it.”

You threw your head back at the first smack, clutching his head, feeling it all over, pleasure like rushing fire, eating up all your nerves and replacing it with sound and touch, the swift squelch of his length plunging into you, the feeling of him filling you up and taking your breath away, so good you could barely breathe, so good you could barely think, nothing but the feel of Jungkook towering over you and slamming down into you so you could thrust your hips up to meet him, so close, so close, heavy exhales blending together, skin and nerves prickling, humming with ecstasy, feeling so good you could only moan his name, and he groaned yours, right in your face, edge of desperation in his normally controlled, deep voice..

“Cum, yes, cum for me – fuck!”

And it all crashed down, fierce fire rocketing through you and hitting its peak, gasping as you smacked your hips up and clenched all around his cock in rapid throbs, his moan washing over you, jerking and flinching as he came in strong jolts, rutting his hips into yours to feel it all, shifting the head inside you so your muscles massaged him all over and drained his orgasm out.

“Jungkook… fuck…”

He lifted his arms and lowered your legs, hands coming up to hold your face, tipping your lips up to him, kissing them deeply.

“You don’t understand,” he mumbled, staring at you through his lashes. “It hurts when you don’t come to me.”

He kissed you again and again, your words wisping out between them.

“I…”

Feeling sorry there wasn’t another way.

“I have to get through it myself… It wasn’t you… You didn’t do anything…”

Jungkook collected you in his embrace, breath becoming one with yours.

“Yeah, but I can do something, so I need you to give me the chance.”

His eyes were telling you, you don’t have to go back out there. Stay. Stay with me, in this bedroom, in this space, just you and me. Your hand was against his temple, silver rings against his silver brow piercing, tracing his sharp features, feeling airless as you looked into those dark brown orbs and listened to his voice that seemed to be a permanent resident of your thoughts.

“Keep me with you, always.”

--

masterpost

[geminitarotmagick]

Bts taehyung ideal type 💋💋

Got lots of requests for this one, so let's see what the cards had to say about Taehyung's ideal type.

Cards used: Wild Unknown Animal Spirits, Way of the Panda Tarot Baby Panda Edition

So far, every love reading I've done for Taehyung has said that he's very picky, and this one is no exception, being that he got 7 cards for what's supposed to be a 5 card spread lol. It's not even so much that he has certain qualities in mind either, but more that he has a certain archetype of what he wants his partner to be like, and won't settle for anything less than it. This makes his attraction to people kinda fleeting, and makes it so he likes someone hard for a very short period of time and then moves onto the next, which isn't very conducive to relationships tbh.

He wants someone he can trust, and as one of the biggest idols, his trust is very hard to win over. He gets won over by acts of selflessness and generosity, because he feels like words can be faked, but actions can't. He wants someone who takes the time to know him, and who in turns learns cues of his to the point where they understand what he's feeling without having to verbalize it all the time. He wants a love that drives him crazy, and he thinks if it doesn't, then it's not real love. He wants someone to come into his life and completely wreck it, and that'll allow him to know that it's meant to be.

Despite that, he's usually drawn to quieter people who aren't afraid to stand up for themselves, and people who make him feel a sense of peace in their presence. He wants someone who makes him question everything, and who can appreciate the nerdy side of him and has their own nerdy qualities. I can see that he can sometimes be selfish in love and want them all to himself, so he'd want someone who'd be okay with that as well.

REQUEST AN IN DEPTH PAID PERSONAL READING

Kpop reading and mini personal reading requests currently closed until 8/16

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Cheryl//you can’t go through life trying not to get hurt

Request: So can I ask for a cheryl x reader where r does everything to make cheryl happy and just being supportive of her?

hey! i kind of got just a little bit carried away with this. but i think i pulled it back! i hope you like it! also, i know the title is an archie quote but i don’t really care because it fits and i like it! plus, they’re both red-heads so what’s really the difference? 

- We know Cheryl hasn’t had the best life 

- Her entire family and everything to do with it is tainted

- So for a long while, she thinks she’s tainted to

- And when she meets you 

- On a rainy Friday night, sat by Sweetwater River

- With your hair plastered to your face and the brightest smile she’s ever seen 

- She knows she has to stay away from you

- Because anybody who can be that happy sat in the pouring rain 

- Is somebody too pure for her 

- So she turns around and heads back to her car 

- Deciding that if she wants to be alone, she can just do it at home

- But then she hears it

- Your voice

- So soft, but so demanding 

- And you’re calling her name 

- Her name has never sounded so pretty 

- Even if it is coming from a complete stranger, who’s staring at such a dark place like its the most beautiful thing in the world

- ‘yea-yeah?’

- Her confidence slips for just a few seconds and its purely down to the way you’re looking at her 

- Like she’s filled with magic and wonder and mystery 

- A mystery you’re going to solve 

- Spoiler alert...you do

- ‘come sit’ You pat the rock beside you and she glances warily between you and it 

- It may have stopped raining but that rock is still very wet and she’s wearing a new skirt 

- ‘oh come on. live a little’ Your eyes sparkle as you speak 

- She eventually concedes and sits beside you

- Now she just has to make sure she doesn’t give too much away 

- Never let anyone else in

- Its the mantra she’s been repeating for as long as she can remember 

- This time she’s going to stick to it 

- Spoiler alert...she doesn’t

- Because thats easier said than done when a pretty girl is asking her questions 

- Or just paying attention to her tbh

- So she asks you questions instead 

- ‘how do you know who i am?’ 

- Normally she’d be afraid of a complete stranger who knew her name

- But this time, she’s just curious 

- She wants to know who you are 

- Why you’re in Riverdale?

- How has a town so full of dark secrets and awful people managed to capture you?

- She’s expecting a long winded explanation about how you just moved from a big city

- Because lets be real, thats the only place she can picture you living 

- But instead you just laugh 

- Such a light, unexpected laugh

- And now she’s unsure of what to say 

- What do you say to that?

- ‘i know a lot about a lot’ 

- ‘wow’ She mutters 

- She couldn’t help it 

- She is Cheryl Blossom after all 

- She can’t been seen as anything other than a bitch 

- But when she see’s the flash of hurt in your eyes 

- She can’t help but feel even more like the worst person in the world 

- She mumbles a quick apology and looks at the river instead 

- ‘its fine.’ You shrug. ‘you’ve been through a lot’ 

- ‘how do you know?’ 

- ‘i just do. but you will be okay cheryl, and don’t worry, you could never taint anything. i don’t think you’re capable of even leaving a trace of something bad.’ 

- She really wants to say something 

- But what the hell do you say to that? 

- And when she turns to face you, hoping the right words will find their way somehow 

- You’ve vanished 

- For a split second she thinks you’re a ghost 

- Its not the first time she’s had full on conversations with the dead 

- But then she hears a thud

- Followed by a groan and a small ‘ow’ 

- And it makes her laugh 

- Like properly laugh 

- The first she has in a while 

- She watches you stand and give her an awkward wave before actually disappearing 

- For the rest of the weekend you’re the only thing she can think of 

- By the time Monday rolls around she’s determined to find you 

- It can’t be hard 

- You’ve got to be a new student

- And Betty gives tours to all the newbies 

- She’ll just ask her 

- Thats easier said than done though

- She tried looking for her cousin before classes started 

- She even came in early 

- But no luck 

- So she has to wait until lunch time 

- And that makes her worry 

- By lunch time, you could have been told literally everything about her 

- How her brother was murdered by her father 

- How awful her mother is 

- She was almost assaulted 

- She attempted suicide 

- And she joined a cult 

- Just to name a few 

- Riverdale High is a breeding ground for rumours 

- Usually created by her 

- But they spread fast around here

- When lunch time rolls around, she’s sure you’re going to know how much of a train-wreck she actually is 

- Despite all of that though 

- Something inside her wills her to ask Betty about you 

- She then goes on to describe everything she remembers about you 

- Maybe in a little too much detail 

- ‘she had sparkly y/e/c eyes’ 

- ‘and y/c/h hair that framed her face in just the nicest way’ 

- ‘and her smile...it was wonderful’ 

- ‘...right. did you get a name?’

- ‘if i got her name do you really think i would be here right now?’ 

- ‘che-’ Betty is cut off by someone calling her name 

- The sound of it making Cheryl feel like she can’t breathe 

- She knows that voice 

- Even Betty’s name sounds nice when coming from her 

- From you

- But hold on

- You’re hugging Betty 

- Thats way too friendly for someone you’ve only known for half a day 

- ‘hi cheryl’ Your wave is less awkward than it was on Friday night, but your smile is just as cheerful as you look at the red head. 

- Okay, now she definitely doesn’t know what to say

- Betty quickly puts two and two together and smirk appears on her lips as she looks between the two of you 

- She has known about your small crush on Cheryl for a while 

- So she decides to help you out 

- ‘what were you saying about y/n’s smile? it was amazing? no! wonderful!’ 

- ‘shut up betty. i think your boyfriend wants you’ 

- She’s practically shooing Betty away and she mutters something under her breath but walks away anyway 

- Once she’s gone, Cheryl turns back to you and just stares at you 

- ‘so, you go here?’ 

- ‘yep?’ 

- ‘how long?’ She really doesn’t want to know the answer 

- ‘as long as you have’ You don’t seem annoyed when she looks at you 

- The opposite in fact

- You kind of look amused 

- ‘how have i not noticed you?’ 

- ‘you’ve been pre-occupied I suppose’ 

- ‘how can i make it up to you?’ 

- ‘notice me’ 

- ‘i’ve definitely already done that.’

- ‘take me to pops then’ 

- She never wanted to do something more

- But she’s torn 

- She wants to say no. To keep you safe from her and everything that come with being involved with a Blossom 

- But the way you’re looking at her makes her knees weak and her head dizzy 

- So she says yes 

- And its the best decision she’s ever made

- At first you take it slow 

- She’s been hurt before 

- And she’s hurt other 

- But something that makes it easier is the fact that you already know everything about her 

- Even if you were in the background during most of it 

- She’s so excited to get to know you

- One of the first things she learns is how you’ll do anything to make the people you love happy 

- Especially her 

- She’s quite literally never met anybody like you 

- You’re just so supportive of her 

- Nobody has ever treated her like that 

- So at first she doesn’t really know what to do 

- But then she remembers the night you met 

- And how you were so kind to her 

- Even though she didn’t know who you were 

- And she slowly starts to get used to it

- In return she learns how to be more supportive of others

- Something her friends are incredibly grateful for 

- To the actual supporting/happy bit because I kind of got a bit carried away 

- Whenever she’s sad 

- Whether it be because she’s missing Jason 

- Her mom/other family members have made an unwelcome appearance in her life 

- Someone has been rude to her 

- Or she’s just sad

- You will do literally anything and everything to make her smile 

- Cuddles? Hell yeah! 

- She wants to stay in bed all day? That sounds like an amazing day.

- She wants to watch her favourite film/tv show? Definitely

- ‘where do you keep your dvd’s?’ 

- ‘what century are you living in? you know there is a thing called the internet.’ 

- She wants her favourite food from Pops? You’re already out the door 

- You’ll go for drives around town while she tells you stories of her and Jason 

- Or you’ll let her teach your archery or some other weird hobby she has 

- Plus, you’ll tell her all the stupid jokes you know 

- Usually she laughs more out of pity than humour

- But it still counts 

- ‘sure it does babe’ 

- And if someone has made her angry 

- It doesn’t really take much

- But you’re working on it 

- You are 100% behind her if she wants to ruin their life (in moderation) 

- You go along with whatever crazy plan/scheme she’s though of that week

- She wants to start a business? Where do you sign? This is the best idea ever 

- Steal something from somebody thats wronged her? Where is the best place to buy spy-wear 

- Create a little chaos? You’ve already got three ideas planned out you just need her approval

- Its not just silly things either 

- She decides she wants to go to therapy (everybody in this town needs it, including Pop). You’ll go with her and wait outside of every single session if she wants you to. 

- You usually spend the time googling how to help her (she just thinks you spend the entire time on Instagram) 

- She wants to properly cut off her family (with the exception of Nana Rose and the twins). You 100% support her if thats what she wants

- As your relationship grows, so does your support 

- She’s literally never felt more loved than when she’s with you 

- And you make it a mission to make her feel like this for the rest of her life 

- Spoiler alert...you do

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