#but ya thats a good time i think
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ive decided im gonna watch the finale stream where the server gets nuked quite literally to hell and back and the time loop goes on on the last day of the year and im gonna try to position it so the moment where tjey respawn in the new world happens the second 2025 starts
#because i know i Want to watch it. but its just like. to me its the last dsmp thing i know i can look forward to in the rest of the world#like its the Last ever One. its really really important its gonna suck so bad when i domt have it just there to still wait to watch anymore#but ya thats a good time i think#Also. im a bit scared to say this bc maybe theres something else or maybe it really is just executed too horribly and i don’t know what im#talking about but. i think aside from ctommy apologising to cdream bc What the fuck. i think apart from that i actually Do Really like the#ending. like literally everhtbing aside from it or at least what ive heard about how it goes#like. the emotional desperate final conversation between them. like im sorry im just an actual sucker for those types of things#they were the first actual rivalry everythimg in the server that happened was because of them. they were the last thing they saw before the#world endedAnyways. i dont evrn like discdu o what made yoy think that#but like. take that with a grain of salt maybe bc i dont know what im Talking about aside from what over#heard
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sighh late night extra bc i got pissed off and what i feel she feels
#futaba sakura#persona 5#futabadoodles#i hateee neurotypical people#ive calmed down since then but i got screened for adhd and she dismissed me a lot for not being stereotypical enough#and the POSSIBILITY that it was anxiety even tho i said like ten times it wasnt. pissed me tf off i swear#and i wouldnt have been given any information on how to get a proper diagnosis if i hadnt been like uhh ????#and i thought this was like a starting point to being refferred to someone else to go thru the process but i guess not??#like i have been screened before girl ik 😭 like i definitely have adhd and genuinely i think the only way im getting like#denied. would be w this stupid ass bs about not being stereotypical or struggling enough. anyways uh#i will be getting a proper diagnosis chat🫡#hopefully this time theyll actually look for both autism and adhd bc all the good ones do that 🙂↕️🙂↕️#and i suspect i could be autistic but im FAR less sure on that one than i am adhd thats up to them to say ya know#rant over bye bye
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vincent voice claim!! hes auggie and anton's son ^_^
VA: Catbug from Bravest Warriors, voiced by Sam Lavagnino
#YEAYYYYY i finally had time to make this PUMPS FISTS#god but this voice is perfect for him ^_^ he sounds so baby (he is five years old)#im also planning to do voice claim videos for sleight and xin ya!! im still deciding who would be a good VA for sleight though#my first choice is vic mignona as tamaki from ouran because sleight is like really cool and suave when hes performing#but once hes off the stage hes very clumsy and dramatic.. the exact opposite of his stage persona LOL#im also considering eric vale as phoenix wright.. or maybe donald glover as marshall lee if im leaning more on the#cool bad boy type vibe...?? oh wait i think he'd also have a nice singing voice so maybe ill do donald glover instead idk#xin ya's VA would be ashley burch as cass frm bee and puppycat and i actually already have some voice clips prepared#Alex Walsh as Chris BW might work for Lucky but thats also undecided. either that or maybe gabe velez as ENA#hes extremely chill though so maybe Ian Q Jones as radicles would work too..????#Sarah Wiedenheft as Power from csm might also work for serilda but honestly im still rehashing her character so who knows#ive also made.. character playlists for xin ya and sleight... i already have one for auggie its posted on her artfight page :)#my art#myart#my oc#oc#friend oc#<- shared custody cuz anton belongs to bow lol#voice claim#oc voice claim#vincent#videos#animatic#augusta#anton#sillies family
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so many buffyverse characters were written to be oneoffs but became vital characters for many years to come. it feels organic and helps the worldbuilding so much.
but not kendra. not kendra!!!!!!!!!! who is IMMEDIATELY so vibrant and fascinating, bubbly and headstrong and proud and judgmental, a huge bookworm who laughs about excessive footnotes, who stammers in front of boys, who loves crop tops and makeup and heavy jewelry. kendra who trades insults with buffy, then softly asks for her help. calls buffy weird for dating a vampire, mocks her for dying, then tells her she learned so much just from their short time together. kendra who was taken from her parents so young she doesn't remember them, who's never had friends, who isn't allowed to speak to boys or go to school or have a life.
of all characters who deserved to be written into the narrative, or be resurrected after they died, she makes the top of the list
#this show is already blindingly white and they really made it so much goddamn worse#i LOVE the buffy kendra duo so much#and for how much people bring up the accent biancas performance is so fucking good i don't get stuck on it. and she already had a#MUCH better handle on it by the next time she showed up on btvs. ya kno when she had actual time to work on it#anyway the only characters that this show introduces as a oneoff and turns into major recurring/regular characters are white#this show is forever obnoxiously white thats obvious#but they really never gave any nonwhite character a fucking chance like they did every white one that popped up#i'm even thinking about one of my favorite buffyverse villains ever mr trick#it's ABSURD he was killed off so fast#i love the buffyverse so much but my god the racism#(bringing me right back around to THATS NIKKI WOODS GODDAMN COAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT)#buffyverserewatch2k24
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annoying + likes being annoyed
#my art#adventure time#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#trans#lesbian#idk of this would be in character or not#i think if a girl was hot enough id let her grab my glasses off my face and bettys pretty hot so maybe#i have more betty art but it might be too late to post it idk when the times to post art is#usually i dont care but these r like colored pieces so id rather they not like. cringeflop#idk maybe might depend on how this post does#thats all#nd in case i dont see ya again good morning good evening and goodnight
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dp fanfic ideas are getting to me again goddammit
#so like a typical giw facilities type thing with enclourses and all#but the ghosts keep escaping and so they commission the dr. fentons to make a weapon that calms ghosts#like an anathesia#BUT its the fentons so it doesnt work that way it actually just switches the fear of the ghost into what it wants. desires (NOT OBSESSION)#but what is the fear of the ghost in the moment? being stuck with the giw. so they calm down and let the giw take them and keep them#<- which makes it LOOK like its behaving as it should#so they use it more and more and the giw mass ghost kidnappings are becoming widespread- now successful#so set the scene. phantom teams up with some rouges and co to break some ghosties out#it works but the giw are hot on their trail and phantom-being a fenton-sacerfices himself for the team and is used as a distraction#(so the others get away)#BUT he doesnt fear being taken by them. fuckin hero complex kicking in and all#which means that when they use the gun. he isnt complict. at all#because whats his greatest fear? becoming a monster. and so. it flips. to what he wants.#and uhm. the giw arent there anymore#BUT as said before his obsession wasnt overidden so he cant hurt civilians and stuff#(his core rationalized the giw being a threat to peace and others safety so it uh. made an exception.)#but while he was taking them down he got shot again by the weapon. (a fruitless attempt really)#and uh. is being a monster is his (former) worst fear. pray tell what is the runner up to that?#people thinking hes a monster.#and yknow. he may not be able to harm innocents and good people#but he CAN pretend. really fucking well#and uh. yeah :) thats all i got and also some reactions by team phantom on it#<- some of the escapees and the rescuer ghosts saw the start of what happened to phantom while they ran#and considering the fact that they havent seen danny in a week? kinda concerning#(he swears he isnt avoiding them he just needs the time to set up he SWEARS-) meanwhile. hes lying to himself#someones priorities and mentalities switching doesnt necessarily change their morals or tolerances. just saying :)#yeah okay thats all i ACTUALLY got#really busy and will be busy and very tired rn so nothing may come of this#fanfictionfuckeries#<- starting a tag for this typa shit? more likely than ya think :)
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...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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Head in hands. 'I Spy' with Pulp is such a banger for Zor. It's giving me the urge to finally think about designing them (+ redesigning a couple others..). There's something so good abt some of the lyrics like: "you see I spy for a living // and i specialise in revenge // on taking the things that i know will cause you pain". Like....likee.............
Theres earlier parts that also make my brain tick: "it may look like to the untrained eye // im sitting on my arse all day // I'm biding my time until i take you all on // my lords and ladies, i will not fail // i will prevail, cause i spy"
PLUS the name. That did not help the situation. Alas Different Class by Pulp 🤝 IEYTD Characters. Similar can be said about the Chicago soundtrack but thats a. Whole other ramble
#and that whole other ramble is gonna take place in the tags rn#i have mentioned it a few times tbh but yk. yk i have given it more time.#for starters: roxie's suite is SO PHOENIX dear lord#it's this really upbeat jazz track which sounds SO IN PLACE with the rest of ieytd#furthermore: roxie is a very juniper aong ESPECIALLY early in his acting career brah#and later on is razzle dazzle thats. so juniper i will die on my hill it's SO juniper#when youre good to mama is very fabby to me it just oozes with this confidence and i just. with her higher up postion in zoraxis i like it#i can't do this alone is very fabby trying to convince solaris to work with her. i really like it in a sense she's trying to prove herself -#- to solaris ESPECIALLY because in the musical it's like a disingenuous want to work with the other which i also thinks fits#and then theres mister cellophane which HELLO REGINALD CRANE.#i can't quite place it but i think about it constantly. doesn't help that i love that song SO BAD#i tell ya cellophane mister cello phane should i bend my name mister cellophane#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHBH GRGRGRRGRGRBBRGRGRGR#im normal i swear#cell block tango. i would love to do that with all the women/fem alligned people in ieytd because not ONE OF THEM have EVER caught a break#that's. all of them. bows.#i LOVE chicago SOOOOOO much its such a good musical#i have taken most of these songs out of context and i would love to do an in context au for them all#but trying to figure out who would be who is a problem tbh#I've mentioned it before qnd it's still something i mull over#sigh#anyways. pleade ask me abt ieytd and music i can yalk a lot as you can see#i think i will put#ieytd#because uhh rambles....auhh
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pinning so its seen-
sorry for not being as mentally ill on here/posting as much art/finnishing the peices i promised- i sadly have gotten myself a life for the next few weeks and am dieging. please send curses and blights my way so i can stop existing-
#ya so um. im learning hoe to drive yay!!!#but learning how to drive is taking up a bunch of my time-#and ive got therapy on top of that also with volenteering and classes and dnd and i booked a hangout with a friend this weekenx-#and thats not even touching how my drawing brain has been switched out with knitting because im sooo fucking cold and i have#a really lovely yarn the color of chuuyas hair and that homey yarn smell that makes you sleepy and is so so warm#plus the knit im using for it makes it so plush and comfy wile not being soft-#its just wjfbsucjejd so yeah! am on knitting kick#i will probably be back on my bs more in december but for the rest of october and november pls dont expect too much from me-#im! also! still trying to roleplay blog tho having a life is very much getting in the way of that-#yeah im really sorry- im also trying to inprove style again and am working on side profiles so now gotta fix up front view to look good#too and ajfbsjfbsubfudhfj- thats also also not counting how i gotta stay on top of my studdies and health and everything-#cause like. i still cant have dairy. and im i think im getting better slowly from the shift but it made me start to taste blood again#and is all just- yeah- again im so so sorry for not being here as mych i am just so tired#next week im going to make sure im not as busy. i swear. if im as busy/productive as this week i will die
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rereading IDW sonic is giving me a better picture of just how skewed tangle’s recent characterization is :(
i know continuity marches on and all but man. tangle is the only one getting THIS bent out of shape all the time and it sucks. she’s the everyman (she really shouldn’t be) and keeps getting mistaken for a different character trope by each new arc’s writers
#like. it’s complicated because unlike other comics i read (mostly webcomics - like gunnerkrigg and pnat)#idw is written a handful at a time and has no singular overarching plot or drive. they HAVE to be a little more episodic#plus they broke into new territory starting out so early installment weirdness and all applies#but they DID hit a good groove with tangle and then they walked it back!!! why??#mostly i want to point out that tangle’s characterization HAS objectively changed whether you like one or the other more#i think it goes along with tangle being portrayed with the most variation between different art styles in IDW next to maybe rough the skunk#like whisper gets to be pretty close to her design whoever’s drawing her but tangle is just all over the place and#it’s at the same time very fun and interesting and i don’t mind it but also#very much works with how tangle’s being written at the time which varies almost just as much#if you say you’re a tangle fan unfortunately you will not be a fan of the same tangle as every tangle fan#this happens with sonic and tails and mainline characters because they have YEARS of whole media + games#done across decades and different writers so it makes sense they’ve got lots of subtle permutations#tangle has been around 6 years now and is already catching up on that across all 6 of those years#we hardly knew her :’c#intentionally not tagging a whole phrase but if this shows up in search anyways due to tumblr-#-please me respectful + i dont mind hearing your opinions or contradictions + i may not change my mind even if u have a good point cause-#-personal preference. ya. if i just like tangle better a certain way thats how i like to see and write her. <3
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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hi! i know that i'm fated to read your every work despite not knowing the media half the time. this time i would like to finally be one step ahead. so uhh. where do i read orv? do i go for the webtoon or the novel? to clarify, i did try to search, but got confused by reddit. also i am going to watch trigun. i've been eyeing animorphs too but the 54 (?) books are making me go hmm. thank you for existing you're pretty great. you're like the spiderman of writing but instead you got asbestos rat'd.
THIS ASK IS INSANE. WE'RE REFERENCING MY LORE NOW?
But thank you, you're insane. People ask why I have stupid high standards for the fics i post on AO3 and it is because there are people like you who will just read whatever regardless of whether or not it's good. I have a responsibility.
This ask also made me wonder if I have good taste. Because every time somebody says this my first reaction is "oh god and the source materials aren't even good". I read a lot of trashy stuff (but, like, define trashy), and I consume too many bad things to be able to say I have discerning taste. If I enjoy something I almost never call it bad, because things were made to be enjoyed and I enjoyed them then they had value in at least one aspect. If you were to ask me if my favorite TV show of all time the Incredible Hulk 1974 was actually, unironically, good, then I'd break into a cold sweat. Is somebody bad because it's camp? Is something bad only if it's unintentional camp?
Regardless, I never write fic for something that isn't only like 80% good - there's a sweet spot of 'good enough for me to obsess over' and 'bad enough that I'm rewriting it in my head'. It's rare I write for anything I find completely good. Which is why I feel bad when people say that they're reading this thing I'm writing fic for jalksdf there's better things out there I SWEAR.
ORV is in the sweet spot of "this isn't high literature" and "this has given me brain worms". Definitely for sure start with the webtoon - the webnovel is clunkily translated, you don't read it for the writing at all, and it is also a literal million words. Don't read the webnovel unless you're like "I'm going insane and I need more of this". It starts off kind of slow ("This is a well executed very banal isekai") and you're like a frog in the pot of it slowly going more insane until you're a ways in and you are in a tangle of ridiculously complicated gambits and convoluted storytelling. There is literally no other way to describe it than the Homestuck of webnovels. If you're completely unfamiliar with isekai that's fine, but as a warning - ORV being your first webtoon/webnovel isekai is like your first shoujo manga being Ouran High Schol Host Club, or your first magical girl show being Madoka, or your first mecha anime to be Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's one of the best works in its genre but it's supposed to be viewed in context of the genre. Or maybe it's more like if Homura starred in Evangelion, which was Ouran. I'm just saying words.
Animorphs is kind of like Mother 3 in which everybody who has ever read/played it said that it changed them as a person, it changed their relationship with media and storytelling forever, if you read/play it you will be born again from the world's egg, etc. Works that genuinely become part of your personality. I also never recommend it to people because it is incredibly hit or miss. I remember using a spreadsheet of just "what books are skippable or not" because some of them are incredibly weird and some of them are incredibly weird in the bad way. The only Animorphs fic I've ever written is from 2019 so it's also not that great. Each book only takes an hour to read and the pdfs are free online, so it's incredibly accessible in terms of the reading experience, but it's kinda the Animorphs gestalt that changes you forever and not the individual books. I try not to recommend stuff that's like 25% bad.
Watch Trigun if you like what Trigun is - it's not going to deliver on something it's not. Also watch 98 first. Watch Stampede/read Trimax if you want more Trigun. The Trigun fic is based off Stampede but refer to my "I only write fic for smth that's 80% good and not 100% good" statement.
Also I think being bit by an asbestos rat just means that I probably have mold and drywall in my lungs, which would explain a lot about this blog. Thanks for the ask I love it.
#you have to feel kind of guilty saying “this is the homestuck of webnovels” and reccomending it with a straight face#and like i wouldn't outright reccomend it#it has plenty of problems. but also you dont care about the problems much ya know.#my asks#my writing#it is genuinely so funny that Animorphs and M3 girlies are Like That#sir this is a children's novel where a teenager vomits crocodiles#and it's not as good when you just hear people describe it like “oh read animorphs its sooo fucked up and edgy and people die”#like. yes its good because its fucked up. but also#the humor and levity and silliness is important and makes the fuckery meaningful#i think mostly it's the fact that animorphs will present to you some very shallow stuff and then ask you to engage with it like its real#its not realism or grittiness or edge#it just presents you with Very Basic Children's SciFi and goes#these are real children. all life is real sentient life.#yes the CIA really did do that.#when the enemy is killed the enemy is dead. do you understand.#thats what makes it a rly good childrens novel but also what makes it so disturbing as an adult#whose been asked to fictionalize suffering countless times in scifi#and on the tv. and in the news. and from each other.#and when we're presented with normal fictional suffering and the narrative is like No - Look At This#it changes how you engage with scifi and media in general#there's a lot of 'Jake' characters out there. but you can't look at them the same way.#did not expect the tag essay to be about animorphs this time.
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what if i snapped and made an oc carrd
#i mean.... i could#this isnt the first time ive thought of doing it but i drop ocs so easily its not even funny. so idk if itd be worth it#id consider toyhouse or smth but i dont have money lol. right now everythings on artfight but thats more for drawing purposes#what ocs would i even talk abt... i have some standalones like auggie and ocs i think look cool but dont plan on using#but some others have their own stories.. not like a huge thought out plot but something i pick up and twirl around in my head#like luckys whole deal is being a hiking guide who accidentally gets tied up with some werewolves pretending to be a hiking group to eat pp#and then i have the magician rivals. although i kinda wanna tie theirs with the nightguard and thief story ive been cooking. maybe in the#same universe? it would be pretty funny if they lived in the same apartment complex since a couple stories i have in mind revolve around th#its like some sort of omnibus or anthology to me. kicks my feet#and then fan characters like xin ya and sleight who i want to have their own expanded lore and stuff. i think that would be cool#im making crow a powerpoint of xins updated lore but the assignmence are making it hard. hopefully it turns out good though#i have a hard time writing personality and xins is always the hardest bc theyre probably the least like me. i tend to stick to#characters similar to myself to get in their head. but bc their backstory affects their personality so strongly i have to do some thinking#anyway. hopefully i remember this later#yapping#oc#oc talk#ive also been playing neko atsume recently for nostalgia and why did we as a society ever stop playing it. its so chill#you just take pictures of silly little cats and leave them silly little toys and treats. and the music is cute
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 58
Chapter; Highlights
Not that there was much Elide could do.
Despite the generous gift of power that ran through the Lochan bloodline, she possessed no magic, no gifts beyond reading people and lying.
Rushed to get bandages, hot water, and whatever salves or herbs the healers calmly requested. None of them shouted. They only raised their voices, magic glowing bright around them, if a soldier was shrieking too loudly for their words to be heard.
The sun was barely over the horizon, judging by the light at the windows set high in the Great Hall, and so many already lay injured. So many. Still they kept coming, and Elide kept moving, her limp becoming a dull, then a sharp ache. A minor pain, compared to what the soldiers endured. Compared to what they faced on the battlements.
She didn't let herself think of her friends.
Didn't let herself think of Lorcan, who had not come to the chamber last night and had not sought them out this morning. As if he didn't want to be near her. As if he'd taken every hateful word she'd spoken to heart.
So Elide aided—and did not stop.
No, that magnificent horse trampled them, fearless and wicked, just as Chaol had predicted. A horse whose name meant butterfly
—stomping all over Valg foot soldiers.
Had his breath not been a rasp in his chest, Chaol might have smiled. Had men not been cut down around him, he might have laughed a bit, too.
But Morath was launching itself at the walls and gates with a furor they had not yet witnessed. Perhaps they knew who had come to Anielle and now hewed them down. Aelin and Rowan fought back-to-back, and Fenrys had plowed his way down the battlements to join Chaol by the second siege tower.
Morath, it seemed, did not think to surrender. Only to inflict destruction, to break into the keep and slaughter as many as they could before meeting their end.
His shield bloodied and dented, his horse a raging demon herself beneath him, Chaol kept swinging his sword. His wife lay within the keep behind him. He would not fail her.
Soon now. They'd win the field soon, and the song in his blood would quiet.
Part of him didn't want it to end, even as his body began to scream to rest.
Yet when the battle was done, what would remain?
Nothing. Elide had made that clear enough.
She loved him, but she hated herself for it.
He hadn't deserved her anyway.
She deserved a life of peace, of happiness.
He didn't know such things. Had thought he'd glimpsed them during the months they'd traveled together, before everything went to hell, but now he knew he was not meant for anything like it.
But this battlefield, this death-song around him ... This, he could do. This, he could savor.
The golden helmets of the khagan's army became clear, their fiery horses unfaltering.
Finer than any host he'd fought beside in a mortal kingdom. In many immortal kingdoms, too.
Obeying the death-song in his blood, Lorcan let his shields drop. He did not wish it to be easy. He wanted to feel each blow, see his enemy's life drain out beneath his sword.
The earth shook beneath thundering hooves, and arrows screamed overhead. Then there was roaring. And then blackness.
#Chapter 58#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Yrene Towers#Nesryn Faliq#Salkhi#I love Salkhi#Sartaq#Chaol Westfall#Lorcan Salvaterre#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 58 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#No power; um Reading & lying is a skill though she’s brilliant she doesn’t need power-I love that they don’t shout-waiting for Sunrise —#—Okay where’s elide?there she is?what was with the ending?What??Where?Go!Eretia aww she came too! —smart children for Mala#The heart-realizing it-DID NOT STOP-Farasha lol Hellas Butterfly-YESROWAELIN literally have each others backs-the color scheme—#—of this cinematically with the dark colors against gold in the rising sun *chefs kiss* would be perfection-please don’t bring in spiders?#so how did that work btw with Falkan & the age & not recognized?Hope!!! DAMNThe dam!Water AND fire Noooo! YAS NESRYN&SALKHI! My bbs!#Just turn it to steam Aelin! Iron all the clothes lol she’d make a great dry cleaner! Whitethorn & the Queen inch by inch the land is their#song of war-then quiet-What would remain?She loved him she hated herself for it and he didn’t deserve it-You2can have peace too Lorcy#Fiery horses?better but still bad…LORCAN DONT U DARE!lion & death roaringNo armorNo prisonersjust war echoesold woundsThe#aftermath of forgotten thingsWhite banners-Next next time-She’s a good learner-The tower Westfall#The would not fail Celaena paralell along with then it is not the end THATS MY WIFE#Lorcan and the lion them all working together Fenrys and chaol or Sartaq signs to Nesryn#get back in line hold the line she held the line#told him not to run but to fight. — I don’t think we can trust the so called gods of these books anymore
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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