#but would like to get better at juveniles
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
ornithological · 1 year ago
Text
i have decided that one of my goals in life is to get really good at gull ID
3 notes · View notes
hanzajesthanza · 3 months ago
Text
god we need to bring crackfic back. or just short and idiotic ideas that wouldn’t happen but would be funny to read
#i just had a vivid imagination of geralt’s company having a pillow fight#setting and timeframe: september 10ish. in riverdell aka transriver#dandelion hits geralt with his bedroll pillow (a quite flat thing and not very comfortable but what are you to do) for levity#it’s a game of a bygone time. a mild pillow fight is plausible between geralt and dandelion in the short stories#cahir comments . wow … really dandelion … this is so juvenile … i haven’t done a pillow fight since i was 10 … it’s for kids…#dandelion’s response: pillow to the face. immediate vicovarian reaction: dandelion razed harder by his pillow than cintra by nilfgaard#dandelion screams ear-curdlingly (you’d imagine someone was being murdered in this swamp)#geralt (still at this moment in time resentful of cahir) leaps and attacks him with his pillow#geralt and cahir spar with pillows like swords but get to smothering each other quickly#milva (see this is foreshadowing for like two weeks days later) had enough and starts pillowing the both of them#she also had not said literally anything for the past week so this is a surprise that she would involve herself#dandelion hits milva on the ass (with his pillow…) she nearly kills him#geralt and cahir try to save dandelion etc#regis has been watching all of this like 🫤#geralt (better mood now) asks him why he is not getting involved.#regis: ‘what… ought i to be doing’#geralt: ‘helping me smack cahir with pillows’#regis doesn’t even sleep with a pillow. dandelion calls out he probably has an extra on his bedroll. milva screams at regis don’t touch that#regis psychoanalyzes they are relieving their stresses and anxieties in a social bonding ritual involving play fighting#which is likely of primal origin in simian social troupes but i digress#regis reasons he doesn’t have latent quarrels with anyone in the group so it would be pointless for him to join#cahir is like well i like everybody here and i still am smacking dandelion with a pillow 😐#milva reasons just imagine someone you hate on the other end. she imagined beating the crap out of her stepfather 👍#regis still reluctant to join | geralt gets an idea and smiles—imagine the guy who coined the term ‘undead’#wrath of eons unleashed#regis after knocking geralt off his feet with a pillow: am i doing it right ☺️#meanwhile nilfgaardian spy watching them from the bushes:#‘i was going to report on them but it looks as though they’ve all gone insane’#‘or maybe they were like that all along’#the elbow-high diaries
21 notes · View notes
penultimate-step · 7 months ago
Text
the shuro discourse is like. the perfect microcosm of how media discourse gets so bad on this site. because you have some people arguing that its immoral to like him because he's a slave owner and then you have other people arguing that its immoral to dislike him because he's fantasy japanese so it's racism
and the whole thing devolves immediately into what's approved to like and what the moral position to hold is
except then you remember that the whole moral panic is about if other fans like or dislike a character or not. which is just objectively not that important, I'm sorry.
15 notes · View notes
rahabs · 3 months ago
Text
I’m glad my expectations for Veilguard were low, especially from a writing perspective, because instead of anger now I only feel disappointment that even my already low bar wasn’t met.
#The writers have whinged/bragged on Twitter for years about how generally G-rated it’s going to be and they were right!#They were right :)#Nothing bad is ever going to happen. Just an amalgamation of inoffensive fantasy tropes. Just ‘keeping it light’ as one of my friends sai#Listen I wasn’t expecting everything to be Grimdark Fantasy but it would have been nice if Weekes et al could have acknowledged#That their audience doesn’t solely consist of sheltered twelve-year-olds#Meaningful conflict? Don’t know her apparently and now the audience isn’t allowed to know her either. A tad rude.#I was really excited for certain companions like Emmerich and Lucanis too.#When the writers said ‘we don’t want people to make decisions that we personally would disagree with’#‘Because that means those players support those bad decisions IRL’ (hello modern version of the moralistic ‘video games cause violence’ bit#I believed them and gave up hope for non-juvenile writing. There’s just something so condescending about it all.#Everything is just spelled out for you. Everything is just told and not shown. I feel like my hand is being held#Because the writers think we’re too stupid for nuance or subtlety and they want to make sure we’re getting their message.#Trust me: we get it. It’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer.#Dragon Age: The Daycare Simulator#Disappointing.#Ten years of waiting for… an incredibly subpar project when I know they can do so much better.#Yet again no meaningful choices. The characters spell everything out for you like you’re a toddler in need of daddy’s guidance.#It all just feels empty.#There’s a lack of real/meaningful roleplay elements.#You can either be Nice; Nice and Stern; Nice and Sarcastic/Jokey. Just. Ugh. So watered down. Bland.
3 notes · View notes
itscuntingseason · 14 days ago
Text
the wotakoi fandom kinda sucks sometimes because most of the people are just obsessed with hirotaka and will hate on anything narumi does that's flawed or a bit rude
3 notes · View notes
gladiatorcunt · 5 months ago
Text
sucks that i can never speak on mha bc i like shigaraki but i don’t like bakugo
2 notes · View notes
toxooz · 2 years ago
Text
maybe im projecting but i feel like Ollie would have a FUCKING HUGE monstera plant in his house thats taking over his living room
#ollie#anytime someone asks about it hes just ''good camouflage for me :]''#in fact i feel like he would have a shit load of plants from his home continent that his mom keeps sending him#but again maybe im projecting AHA#like yeah he can forge weapons of war with his eyes closed and can maul a grown man to death but dammit that man knows his PLANTS#anyway i got a monstera over the winter bc ive wanted one for the longest time but i was sO scared of killing it#bc its higher maintenance than succulents and snake plants all that#and brother i aint got the remembrance or energy or executive function to be taknig care of high maintenance plants but luckily#my obsession has taken over and im doin pretty good keeping up with watering and i plan on getting it better soil for fertilization#it seems to be doing well and is even growing 3 new leaves AAOOOOO#one of the juvenile leaves even grew a lil hole in it and im :')#but i still gotta properly repot it and actually put poles in it to climb bc theyre kinda half ass put in there#but sPRING IS COMING i am ready#also have a monster adinsoniiiiiiihowever tf u spell it but same applies#i feel like just having 1 (or 2 kindof) that are high maintenance is goin good bc i can focus most of my energy on that like a pet PFFT#bc unfortunately i fear that if i had a shit load of high maintenance plants i would get overwhelmed and involuntarily make them all die#which SUCKS bc i want my house to be infested with so many plants sOOO BAD ugh maybe one day i wont be mentally ill lmfao 💗#ANYWAY more pon ti comin soon
32 notes · View notes
kikuism · 11 months ago
Text
my first dnf of the year is a book i was really looking forward to since i loved the author's first work.....
6 notes · View notes
llycaons · 2 years ago
Text
there are a few aspects of h/l I don’t really like but they are absolutely, undeniably soulmates. they wouldn’t be happy with anyone else because they’re both freaks in the same way. insane chemistry. within literal minutes of meeting each other as adults they were vibing so hard they just decided to be best friends and their level of intimacy only went up from there
9 notes · View notes
omarfor-orchestra · 2 years ago
Text
I do think people who work in the field should roast the show because it was supposed to bring attention to some kind of realities that get ignored more often than everything else and it became a soap opera instead but consider. I like it.
#no ok listen i have thoughtstm#as someone who admittedly ignored the aforementioned realities and is trying to learn more about them after watching the show bc it opened#my eyes#you have no idea how difficult it is to find information about juvenile prisons#it is difficult enough for normal prisons but juvanile ones? it's like they don't exist#and they have so many fucking problems#so many#every time i try to explain what i found out i get mad#jesus christ they're kids and no one cares about them#and i hoped the show would do the same thing to other people as it did to me ie open their eyes about those problems#(I'm not saying it's realistic. it's just a rai fiction after all they didn't even have money to make s1 come on but it made me say 'let's#see how things really are' and then i got mad about it bc i thought they were better and they're not)#it didn't#the kids keep being ignored. the problems are still there. people literally cross the street in front of jails as if the 'unworthyness'#could be passed to them through osmosis or something#they could do so much with this fame and success and money they're making#but they do nothing and this scary because the original aim was to raise awareness not romanticize#s1 was very clear on this aspect it was horrible and crude it wanted to say hey kids. these dynamics are bad and will get you killed#now it's very different#and i get why organizations are mad#but i still think that if what happened to me happened to a few other people than the show worked and I'm grateful for it#i do have names of organisations if anyone is interested#and I'll write an article on the actual situation one day
4 notes · View notes
askshivanulegacy · 1 year ago
Text
THIS. This is why your vote MATTERS.
There are bigger things at stake than your feelings over not having the perfect candidate.
You're not voting for a candidate. You're voting for a party, which is nothing but a TOOL to do things with. You're voting for the US, and you're not voting for anyone else.
Did you know?
Democrats have won the popular vote in seven out of the last eight presidential elections going back to 1992? The only time the GOP has won the popular vote in the last 36 years in a presidential election was in 2004, and it was a pretty narrow margin. This was a wartime election and the first election post-9/11. The Democratic candidate was the unfortunately uninspiring John Kerry, who had been lied about. You know how in politics we say someone has been "swiftboated" when a successful lie is told about them? That term originates with the 2004 election because a bunch of people concocted an elaborate lie about John Kerry's military service. He wasn't super inspiring as a candidate, but that was the worst thing he did. He wasn't a bad guy. He was just running in a very gross, jingoistic time after the worst terror attack in American history, and had a bunch of successful lies told about him to the point where a whole word about a specific kind of lie was invented about it. THIS is the only time since 1988 that the Republican party has won the popular vote. George W. Bush did not win the popular vote in 2000. The Supreme Court ordered that votes stop being counted in Florida and handed the victory to Bush.
Donald Trump has never ever won the popular vote. The electoral college handed him the victory in 2016, less than 15,000 votes across three states decided the election. Hillary Clinton in total won about 3.7 million more votes than Donald Trump. Trump HATES hearing this number. He hates even more that Joe Biden got about 7 million more votes. He hates even more that you bring up the fact that he lost his midterm elections for his party in 2018, badly. And that the "Red Wave" in 2022 did not happen because of backlash at his Supreme Court. Or that in 2023 voters continued to reject his Supreme Court at the polls.
He knows, the Republicans know, that if more people vote, they lose. They don't want small d democracy. They want authoritarianism. They want to suppress it.
So when you get cute about not wanting to vote, you're not doing activism. You're surrendering.
12K notes · View notes
amplexadversary · 2 months ago
Text
.
#honestly IDGAF about the toilet show the kids are fine watching it have you seen what goes on in Ren & Stimpy etc.#What I *do* have a problem with is the fact that fucking spongebob seems to be getting popular again with MY age group#I found that show annoying when I was its target audience. I find it annoying now. I think there are shows of that era and target audience#that are better nostalgia bait which cast a bigger net for who would reasonably find them interesting.#and while I don't judge kids for liking annoying juvenile shows#I specifically expect people my age to be *long* over something that's loud and obnoxious for the sake of being loud and obnoxious#And I'm going to be really pissed if I have to do another Dragon-Age-Tier re-curiating of the blogs I'm fucking following#over the Skibidi Toilet for fucking Millennials.#Which is probably being grossly unfair to Skibidi Toilet because (reportedly) that has an actual plot - unlike the sponge!#what I'm saying is if you are going to give children shit over children things but still reblog spongebob memes#you should know how massive a hypocrite you are.#And that should absolutely eat you up inside until you start having a shred of respect for children#Like what are you your dad? Are you your shitty dad and mom? Huh?#Morg Rants#dot post#I don't mind one follower getting a new fixation but when something irritating becomes inescapable (and ofc people never tag it)#THAT'S where the problem is. The sheer hypocrisy in this case just makes it worse.
1 note · View note
askshivanulegacy · 7 months ago
Text
Watching someone have an absolute meltdown over the difference between technical terminology and common usage. They seem unable to distinguish that "the friends who vouch for them" are no different than the hundreds to thousands of people using the non-technical term already, or that there's nothing special about this particular term compared to any other term that has differences in technical vs common usage. Welcome to science. Nothing about this situation is new or interesting. Words ABSOLUTELY have different meanings based on context and speaker intent and you cannot remove those or your arguments are straw with no substance.
Just because YOU operate in circles that have deep-dived your special interest knowledge groups doesn't mean everyone else has. What's "common knowledge" to YOU is not the same thing as REAL common knowledge, and even that varies depending on background.
The shift in meaning of this particular term has already sailed by years. Nothing about it is new, so seeing someone complain this late in the game is ... special. Not to mention the inconsistency in the meltdown rage over this term but no others.
It would be one thing to simply inform people about the term as a matter of trivia, but this bad-faith approach that puts words in people's mouths and calls them stupid for having a different opinion and a broader perspective is two-year-old behavior.
0 notes
illusioncanthurtme--art · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
These are a couple doodles from yesterday, Gideon as a younger teen, before the growth spurt, maybe 14? He's discovered he's a vampire, and has a lot of recovery to do, since he's severely blood deficient.
I'm gonna let myself explode about my vampire gideon ideas, under construction, under the cut: (I don't write fanfiction, I just throw up my ideas on a tumblr post, apparently :'D)
This is what I love about tumblr - it's a place where I can throw the doodles (something that isn't finished *artwork*), and let myself be really delusional about fictional characters. So I'm gonna take a moment to ramble about the ideas I have for Gideon as a vampire.
If you're a fellow Gideon Head, HI THERE... anyway, here's my thought process on a potential vampire-gideon backstory???
I've always liked the idea of gideon being a vampire, and also becoming a much better person when he's older. And that got me thinking, maybe those two things are linked. Maybe the vampire thing is somehow tied into his reformation.
But I tend to lean towards building my ideas off canon (as opposed to making an AU). And if gideon was a vampire, and knew this during the events of the show, it would have come to light at some point. So, either he doesn't know he's a vampire, or he becomes one later. Becoming one later works narratively, but he's already so vampiric, with the white hair, pale skin, sunscreen, evil, etc. So I'm like, let's go with that.
So, gideon has gone his whole life without knowing he's a vampire, and without drinking blood. I'm thinking that being a vampire in this case (my gravity falls fan version of what a vampire would be) wouldn't adhere to typical vampire conventions. You don't NEED to drink blood to survive.
Here's the idea I got yesterday: after the events of weirdmageddon, gideons experience motivated him to become a better person. It was the awakening, basically. But in the subsequent years, he's still a little shit. Maybe he's in juvenile detention, or prison again. But now, he has the self awareness to know that what he's doing is wrong. This is where my ideas get a little fuzzy, so bear with me. Bud has his suspicions, and as a last resort, puts gideon on some sort of mission trip type of cross country trip, when he's in his teens. And along the way, maybe at the end, there's this secret group of vampires that open gideons eyes to what he really is.
Basically??? Without blood, gideon is very evil. He's an evil little shit. This may not be how it is for every vampire. Maybe some grow very sickly without blood, just get hungry, etc. The effects of blood deficiency vary from vampire to vampire. But Gideon becomes very unhinged. And he'd essentially been Blood Hangry for his whole life. That being said, some of it was just his personality that he needed to work through, but drinking some blood helped a LOT. Blood isn't food for him, it's more like his medication.
Once he has that discovery, he spends a long while, I'm thinking maybe even a year, just recovering from the deficiency. He's almost always drinking blood to keep up his levels, and he's very rarely seen in public to keep the vampire thing a secret. That's what these drawings were supposed to be, him in his pseudo bedridden state. This period in his life would be one big blur; mostly spent binge watching soap operas and being all cozy. In contrast to his usual suit + tie, he's dressing for max comfort: sweatpants, sweatshirt, a knit hat over his ridiculously big hair, and always wrapped in a blanket. Not sure if somehow he feels cold when drinking blood?? But for some reason, I feel like he'd always be wearing like 10 layers and laying under a heated blanket or something.
Eventually, he'd only need to drink blood about once a month for maintenance.
Character development wise - even as an adult, Gideon isn't sure if he's truly a good person. Is the blood deficient version of himself the true gideon? Or is this well adjusted man who he truly is? And there's an issue of the chicken and the egg, too. Gideon was born a vampire. Did these genes activate because he was predisposed to being evil? Or did the vampire thing happen by coincidence? Does being a vampire make him evil, or is it the other way around? He doesn't know, and he never will.
The one thing I'm not sure I like about this idea: i'm worried that I'd be writing off his villainous personality as an illness that can be cured with a thing. Obviously, it would be better if he faced that head on, and figured out how to be better. So I'm still grappling with that. But for now, this is an idea I'm entertaining. Of course, I think it would be interesting if there was a plot point where his usual source of ethically sourced human blood was compromised for a time, and he had to grapple with his personality going topsy turvy.
It's actually embarrassing how much I just wrote???? If you've made it this far, wow, I applaud you. I guess this was just my idea of having a good sunday night, writing down my silly thoughts on gideon gosh darn gleeful. Let me know your thoughts too!!!! I'd love to know if you have any ideas, or questions, or ways to strengthen this potential backstory.
2K notes · View notes
reiderwriter · 7 months ago
Text
💢 At Each Other's Throats 💢
Tumblr media
Spencer Reid x female! Reader
For the CM Kink Bingo Challenge 2024
Summary: A previous encounter means that you're not the biggest fan of Spencer Reid, and you go to some extreme lengths to prove that to him.
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, Dom! Spencer, but not exactly sub reader , degradation (use of whore, slut), semi-public foreplay, arguing as foreplay etc, oral sex (m receiving, f mentions, too), face fucking, rimming, nipple play, rough sex/ rough play, spanking, slapping, spitting, choking, messy sex, creampie, multiple orgasms, mentions of painful sex/ pain play etc. some possible CNC triggers/ phrasing.
A/N: I couldn't find a gift of Spencer being bitchy enough, so everyone, please enjoy Kyle Orfman from Life After Beth. This one was a labour of love, if love was actually hate. It's 2am. This is obviously not edited, and may never be.
Masterlist || Bingo Board
You knew from reputation alone that you would have a hard time working with Spencer Reid. Perhaps it was the slew of child prodigy articles that popped up alongside his name. Maybe it was even just your preconceived notion of what men with three PhDs, a badge, and a gun were like. Maybe it was the fact that he'd written to you after one of your first professional articles was published in The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology and told you a piece you'd worked on for 18 months was just plain wrong. 
Either way, you laid eyes on him, and the hatred was cemented. But fuck was he hot. 
He had no clue who you were as his boss introduced you to him, looking between the two of you as if expecting good things to happen. You should've warned him. 
“Spencer, this is Y/N. She'll be assisting on a few cases from this month onwards.” 
His eyes glazed over as he ran your name through whatever roller index of memories he had stored in there. 
“Y/N is a lecturer at the University of Virginia. She's going to be lecturing at the FBI Academy from September onwards-” 
“You! You wrote an article, I wrote to you about it, did you get my le-”
“Yes, I got your letter. I believe you called my writing ‘juvenile’ and my thinking ‘wishful,’ and that if I had any actual field experience, I'd slowly understand how many mistakes there were in my writing.” 
Agent Hotchner took an almost imperceptible deep breath in, trying to hide the fact that this was all new information to him. 
“Well, here I am, Doctor Reid.” 
The man in front of you gaped for a moment, letting his mouth hang open, closing after a few seconds only to open again. Perhaps you'd disorganized that index of his. You hoped you'd set the goddamn thing alight. 
“Shall we get started?”
To say that you'd gotten off to a bad start was an understatement. Your start had been reversed over by a dump truck with no tires. It had been cemented into the ground with no chance of going anywhere but down into the pits of hell. 
Which is, coincidentally, where you found yourself every time you had to engage Spencer Reid in conversation. 
Your first impression of his looks - his incredibly good looks - was that he was even better looking when he was pensive, and unhappy, and being bitchy. He was positively climbable when argumentative, and you liked nothing more than ruining his day, if just for the fact that he'd angrily loosen his tie and pop open his top buttons, exposing the pale white of his neck, and his sharp collar bones, perfectly ready for someone to suck and nip at. 
He was still an ass, however, and you couldn't bring yourself to sink to those depths.
Four cases in, and you hadn't agreed on one thing. You'd caught a serial arsonist, who he had demanded was most likely an office worker, but you'd countered with college student, and you had prevailed there. 1-0. 
Then, unfortunately, you'd lost back to back cases with unsubs in the trucking industry, unfamiliar with and uninterested in the life of the Jack Kerouac type. 
You'd even the playing field at last with a child abduction. And although you knew you'd both been keeping score, you were so genuinely happy for this case to be over. A child was safe at home, and you'd worked so well under pressure (something he had assured you would change your view of your personal forensic psychology theories). 2-2. 
Of course, those were just the big leagues. You'd fought many petty battles, too, as the war waged. 
You'd accidentally stolen his place on the jet, enjoying the long bench seat for a good few naps. A few times, he'd settled in next to you, trying to nudge you out of the chair completely, but you'd held your ground. 
“This is my seat. Usually. There are like 10 other places on this jet to sit. Why does it have to be here?” He'd grumbled into your ear as you gently elbowed him in the side, accidentally, of course.
“There aren't assigned seats. Maybe you have control issues, Doctor,” you cut back, trying to avoid speaking too loud to avoid the ire of the group. 
While you'd enjoyed bickering with - and intellectually besting - Spencer greatly, it did seem that the sentiment wasn't shared by those around you. 
“You can't be serious, right now,” Morgan complained from a seat opposite. “You're seriously fighting over a seat, right now?” 
“It's my seat, Derek, come on, you know it's my seat.” 
The look returned to Spencer almost had you ashamed of your petty actions. 
“I swear they're just taking every advantage to get closer and closer together. Next thing you know, she'll be sitting in his lap,” Emily said from the corner of the plane, so obviously not talking to you that you were almost offended. 
“Ah, young infatuation,” Rossi replied, still ignoring you. 
Reid slinked just slightly away after that, and you weren't sure if you were more annoyed at the comments themselves or the loss of his annoying companionship. 
You wanted him to bother you because it meant you'd succeeded in bothering him. 
You'd had more than your fair share of rather explosive arguments as well. 
“You can't seriously believe that Thomas Edison did more for the field of engineering than Nikola Tesla,” he'd shouted at you at a bar after a case had landed you in paperwork hell, filling out forms and working into the late hours. 
A drink had been suggested, a celebration after solving four straight cases in a row, and you'd gladly taken the chance to unwind. 
“Spencer, we're literally sat in a bar decorated with multiple light bulbs. Look, there's one. Another! Astounding. Thank you, Mr Edison.” 
“And none of it would be possible without Alternating Current, so yes. Thank you, Mr Tesla.” 
Your teammates had long since abandoned you to your petty bickering and fighting amongst yourselves. They'd stopped getting involved when Penelope had tried to mediate your discussion about Doctor Who, which had quickly devolved into New Who vs Old Who. 
You didn't even care strongly either way, you just cared that he did. And however he felt, you were sure as hell ready to take up arms against him. Because it was so fuckimg hot watching him lose his shit. 
You were a grown woman. You could admit that to yourself. You likely wouldn't admit it to anyone else, even if it was as clear as day that you found him unbearable attractive at times. You sure as hell knew that it wasn't a one-way street, from the way his eyes strolled across your body each morning. 
You wondered if there was a section of his brain that was dedicated to memorising everything you'd said, done, and worn since he'd met you. You hoped there was. 
On your fifth and final case with the BAU team, you felt unmatched in your annoyance. 
You were still drawn with Spencer for case breakthroughs, and you felt the need to beat him once again just to nail the point home. He was just stubborn enough to see a 3-2 win as a landslide victory for himself, though you were absolutely going to frame it that way yourself if you managed to be the one to crack everything. 
All sense of teamwork and camaraderie was off the table. 
You had a murderer to catch.
Three women, beaten, assaulted, and tied up. He'd shorn their hair but bagged them up so they were unseen. Then he'd placed the bags on display. The unsub was caught between two extremes, hatred of his victims, and gentleness, protecting their dignity in death by covering them up. 
Obviously, you and Spencer had to decide which side of the debate you were to land on.
“I think we're dealing with a killer without remorse here. It's easier to explain the covering, the dressing of the women as a ritual rather than guilt.” 
He'd finally played his cards, and now it was your turn to passionately wipe them from the table. 
“Remorse? He's cut all their hair off and beat half of them so badly we needed dental to identify them. And in case you've forgotten Spencer, half of them are prostitutes.”
“You're saying he can't feel remorse for killing prostitutes?”
“That is not what I'm saying. Don't twist my words."
“Well, of you'd said something that wasn't nonsensical, I'd have a better chance of understanding what the hell you're trying to say!’
With every line you'd stepped closer and closer to one another, like two boxers in a ring, sizing each other up before a fight. 
You wanted to take his tie and strangle him with it. You wanted to pull him down for a kiss and force him to shut the hell up. 
“Reid, Y/N, both of you take five,” Hotch called sternly from the other side of the room. Guiltily, you both broke away from one another, his hand brushing your side as you took a step back, almost as if he'd meant to grab you before Hotch stepped in. 
Probably to remove you from the room. 
“Take five?” You said, mustering all the disappointment you could as you silently pleaded to stick around. 
“Go back to the motel and get some rest. If you're going to argue like this, I don't need you at the precinct, and I certainly don't need you on my team.” 
You blanched at that, almost taken aback by the harsh words as you silently nodded and quietly walked towards the door, letting it shut behind you. 
Spencer stayed behind, and though you couldn't hear his arguments, you knew he was attempting to reason with Hotch, as well. It evidently didn't work as he stormed out of the room behind you. 
He looked half like a kicked puppy, half like an angry school kid who'd just been scolded by a teacher. 
“Don't look at me like that, this is your fault,” you muttered as you walked away from the room. 
“What? How is this my fault?” 
“If you weren't so goddamn infuriating, we'd be able to get some actual work done.” 
You marched off in the direction of the exit, but he caught your shoulder before you made it that far.
“You're blaming me? This is my job, Y/N, not yours. You get to go back to a cushy little office after this is done to teach the people that are going to end up doing the paperwork that consists of only 2% of our job.”
His finger jabbed at your shoulder as he said the words, and you had to resist the temptation to grab it. 
“Doesn't feel too good to be criticized when you're just doing your job, huh, Spencer?” 
His brows knitted together in a deepened scowl and he took a step forward. 
But there were eyes on you, and whatever confrontation this was, you didn't want to act it out in front of an office full of cops. 
You turned and walked away again, down a seemingly abandoned hall to what looked to be an empty storage cupboard, flinging the light on and waiting the three seconds it took him to catch up with you. 
“What's your problem?” He said, joining you in the cramped closet. 
“You! You're the problem! You're infuriating, and annoying, and most important, you're you!” You poked his chest back, harder than he had earlier, quietly reveling in the feel of his body under your fingertip. 
“Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like me to be someone different? Someone who worships the ground you walk on?” He said, discovering sarcasm for the first time since you'd been introduced. 
“Sure, Spencer, if you can take tour head out of your own ass long enough to worship someone else, then be my guest.” 
With a single push he crowded you against the wall, a hand above your head locking you into position as his other hand held your hip, his own hips joining you at the wall as you sucked in a breath. 
“You're begging to hear praise, right now, Y/N. Do you even hear yourself?” He asked, whispering the words directly into your ear. 
“W-Well, you have me pressed up against the wall like some fucking caveman that needs to breed or die.” You spent half the time you were talking trying to compensate for the stutter, trying not to look weak, that you totally missed the words that came from your own mouth. 
“You think I want to have sex with you?” He asked, chuckling awkwardly, even as his hand on your hip began rubbing circles, his head hanging lower, just inches away from your mouths meeting. 
“I think you'd love nothing more,” you said, finally lifting your hands to his hair and tucking a lock behind his ears. “Such a shame I won't be crawling into your bed.” 
“Is that a challenge?” He asked, and you were taken aback for a few seconds. 
“You want me so fucking bad, you're trying to convince yoursel-”
With a swoop, he cut you off, his lips meeting yours. You gasped and allowed his tongue to enter your mouth, but you came to your senses quickly. You kissed back with all the anger of the last month and all the attraction that had built up since you'd joined the team. Your tongue fought his, your hands tangled in his hair as his pulled them out, pinning them against a wall. But you slipped free and grabbed him again, grabbing the tie you'd wanted to choke him with earlier and not letting go. 
His lips were soft, and his body felt hot pressed against you, and you hated how good he was at all of this, how your body responded to his, how each time you pulled away it was with a small whimper as you begged for more. 
“I knew you wanted me,” he said, between kisses, grabbing your face and tilting it up as he returned his tongue to yours. 
“Oh, shut the fuck up, you kissed me first.” His hands trailed up your hips, untucking your shirt as he pushed his hand under, his cold fingers sending a trail of goosebumps along your skin as you shuddered. 
“I kissed you because you begged me to,” he said, his fingers caressing the bottom of your chest as he tried to press your bra up further. 
You were about to argue back when his lips met yours again, and you were lost in the haze of arousal, leg lifting to his hip to better allow him space to settle against you. 
You grew wilder in your passion, neither of you giving in even for one second as you writhed against each other, begging for satisfaction while denying that you'd ever wanted each other in the first place. Just as it became unbearable, your hands slipping to his belt, ready to pull his cock free and take it, the door opened again. 
“Reid, Y/N,” Morgan said from the doorway as you hastily jumped away from each other. 
You pulled your shirt down quickly, and Spencer stepped behind you, covering up the tent in his pants as you stared guiltily up at Derek Morgan. 
“Hotch sent me after you to give you the keys to the SUV,” he grumbled, making no comment on anything that happened. 
“We were just, um, we were just-” your brain fought for an excuse, but you'd left your brain behind somewhere between joining the BAU and foreplay with Spencer in a closet, so words escaped you. 
“You were just making out in a closet. It's okay, we all know,” Derek said, turning to leave. 
You jumped up, indignant now he'd brushed you off, and followed him out of the closet, an equally shocked Spencer trailing behind you. 
“What do you mean you all know? All know what?” You said, stomping back into the office. 
“That you two are into each other. It's why Hotch sent you away earlier. He didn't want to see the two of you going at it,” he said, pressing the car keys into your hands. 
“We are not into each other,” Spencer shouted back at Morgan as he stalked off, and you glared at him to shut his mouth. There was a crowd forming, and you still didn't need that attention. Not when your hair was matted from seven minutes in hell with Spencer or when his hand had, once again, settled on your hip, pulling you closer into him. 
“Let's go,” you huffed, and finally left the building with Spencer right behind you. 
You didn't talk for the rest of the drive home, even as your brain flooded itself with images of him taking you in the back of the car, your lips around his dick as he drove, him pulling over to bend you over the hood. 
You went straight to your separate rooms when you got back to the motel, though you swore that the walls were thin enough that he surely heard you pleasure yourself, fingers sinking into yourself. You weren't sure if he, too, had his hand wrapped around his cock, or if your brain was just now imagining whatever it liked to spur you on. 
Imagined or real, his moans were delicious, a maddening mix of frustration, exasperation and desperation, whimpers and groans, and small growls until you yourself were cumming, and letting yourself sleep.
You avoided talking, all talking, until the end of the case, even as your head replayed his infuriating words, his moans and the rustling sound of his fingers pressing your shirt up. You refused to talk to him to give his coworkers the validation of arguing with him once more. You weren't into each other. 
You simply wanted to fuck him. You didn't like him as a person otherwise. 
In avoiding him, though, the small taste of release you'd sampled in the closet had your softer parts deliriously wanting more. As much as you hated Spencer, you needed him so bad. 
You'd given him the cold shoulder  but he'd returned it just as quickly, and you were more annoyed not talking to him than you weren't. 
Your last case wrapped up, and you decided it was time to give him what he so obviously wanted. A conversation. 
You sat yourself right back down in his seat as you got on the jet and laid down, pulling his blanket over yourself as you took up the entire space. 
The others shook their heads at you as they walked on, Spencer taking up the rear. His eyes met yours, and he scowled, and you couldn't help but wonder if he'd look like that fucking you, so stern and angry. 
You sighed and pushed onto your side as he stood over you. 
“That's my seat.” 
You smiled in success as you looked over your shoulder. 
“I'm tired, I'm going to sleep.” 
“But that is my seat-” 
“Spencer, you've sat on every seat on this damn plane before, that wasn't your seat until last month, now sit down, shut up and let me rest,” JJ exploded and you suddenly felt bad for drawing him into your argument.  Or you did until you sat up a bit, and he sat himself right down where your head had been. 
“Spencer!”
“I give up…” JJ groaned from the table seats, pulling headphones over her head and shutting her eyes, and the others made to ignore you similarly. 
Not one to be beaten, you pushed the book in his hands off his lap and laid your head down again, now cushioned by his legs. 
“What-” his voice squeaked as you shut your eyes, too, and made yourself comfortable. He didn't push you off, or, heaven forbid, start talking to you again. Shockingly, he adjusted to the position quickly and resigned himself to pillow duty for the six hour flight. 
You, too, shocked yourself by how fast you fell asleep. You woke up with his hands in your hair, stroking your head as he read, book in one hand, you in the other. His hands felt wonderful, raking through your long locks, brushing each errant hair off your face. 
“Spencer?” You said, voice still thick with sleep. 
His hand shot away, and you almost regretted not pretending to sleep for longer, sure that he'd have gone on if you hadn't said anything. 
You straightened and cleared your own throat as you stretched, sitting quietly as you listened to the flight landing announcement. 
“Congrats, Y/N, you've successfully finished your time with the BAU,” Rossi said from his seat opposite you, strapping in for the landing.
“And you haven't been shot, kidnapped, or slapped. That's gotta be a first, right?” Emily joked from the corner. 
You smiled quietly as you strapped yourself down, scooting even closer to Spencer now to get your belt fastened.
Still, you couldn't resist the urge to mumble a retort.
“I'm sure Spencer thought about it a few times,” you sighed, a breath of resignation releasing from your lips dramatically.
The others chuckled, but Spencer sat silently next to you until the jet landed. 
He stayed quiet as he began to pack his things, but it became clear quickly that he was dragging everything out. As the plane emptied, you shot him a curious look, not daring to speak until you were the last two on the plane. 
“You're being slow today.” 
“I've never thought about shooting you or kidnapping you,” he said, voice low and quiet, even though you were alone. 
“It was a joke, Spencer,” you started, so sick of him taking g everything so seriously. You made to walk past him, but as you did, you felt his hand on your waist pulling you back as another hand came hard and fast at your ass. 
“I wasn't finished speaking,” he said as his hand ran over your butt, soothing the pain he'd just delivered. “I have thought about slapping you, though.” 
With that he grabbed his bag and stalked off the jet, not bothering to cast another look behind him. 
Two could play at that game. 
In about the most childish was you could muster, you ran ahead of him, staying three paces directly in front of him as he tried to overtake you. You moved when he moved. You sped up when he sped up. You even stopped a few times, so he'd run into you. 
“Y/N, cut it out.”
“Make me,” you said, throwing a withering look over your shoulder. 
He didn't wither. 
Instead, he grabbed your arm and marched you all the way through the FBI building, down to the parking lot, and into your car. As soon as he had you safely in the driver's seat, he closed the door, pulling off your visitors' pass. 
“I'll return this for you, no need for you to dally.” 
“Fuck you,” you spat out the window as you started the ignition. 
“It's been a pleasure,” he said with a grimace. 
“No, it hasn't,” you said back, wondering how long you'd spend in jail of you just mowed him down then and there. 
“You’re right. It hasn't,” he said, leaning down and into the window so you were now eye to eye. 
“Really? It seems like you got a lot of pleasure out of spanking me earlier. You were certainly experiencing a lot of pleasure when you pushed me up against a wall last week. If it wasn't pleasure, there was definitely something long-”
“Long?” He smirked.
“And hard in your pants.” 
He leaned in through the window, his breath fanning against your cheeks as he whispered into your ear. 
“That was my gun.” 
“And I certainly won't be helping you fire a load,” you said, starting the ignition and pushing him back from the window as you drove away from the FBI and away from Spencer Reid. 
It infuriated him that you'd gotten the last word. You'd spent a month with him and hadn't even given him a chance to show off his good qualities, and then you'd left without giving him a chance to prove himself. 
And, in doing so, you'd told a blatant lie. 
There had been two people in that closet, two people with tongues desperate for contact, eager for battle. You'd been moaning just as much as he had when his hands found your nipples. 
But you'd gotten to drive away without listening to his retort, and it was killing him. 
He sat and seethed at his desk for a while, waiting for the sense of relief that you were gone to wash over him. This had been what he wanted for weeks. Why was he now so discontent? Why did everything feel wrong? 
Abandoning paperwork he knew wouldn't be needed until at least next week, Spencer found your address in the team files, wrote it down, and left his desk. 
When you got home, there was nothing waiting for you. 
It was annoying. You'd spent the last month constantly on the go, always with more work, more cases, more paperwork. You'd killed any apparent gaps with Spencer. 
You could still feel his hands on your ass. You hated to admit it, but in your short acquaintance with Doctor Asshat, you'd grown fond of having him around as eye candy. When he wasn't being annoying (talking, breathing, or generally just being), you could quite happily imagine his head buried between your legs, his tongue lapping up every drop of cum you had to offer. 
There were definitely better things he could be doing with his mouth, in any case. 
Your body felt hot, itchy, and neglected as you got home, running a shower immediately and stepping in. 
The water was hot, and the room steamed up faster than you expected. You washed away the fatigue, and you washed away the dirt of a month of cheap motels.. 
Just as you were about to wash away the memories of Spencer Reid and his stupidly skilful tongue, the doorbell rang. 
It wasn't unusual for you to get visitors at 10 pm, but usually they announced themselves. 
You stayed put in the shower. It was probably a package you'd ordered, and it could honestly wait. 
The ringing, though, didn't stop. Whoever was at your door was insistent. First, the door rang to the rhythm of jingle bells. Then, they moved on to Fur Elise. When they got to Flight of the Bumblebees Levels of bullshit, you couldn't stand it anymore. 
You wrapped a towel around you and pulled the door open wide. 
“Sp- mm?” You said, shocked to see him there, but completely floored by his appearance, and more importantly the two hands he'd planted on your cheeks as he pulled you in for a hot, hard, and fast kiss. 
You pushed him off with a hard slap to his face, and stalked further into your apartment, knowing he'd follow closely behind.
You heard the door slam shut as he made to grab you again, but you stayed just out of reach. 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” 
“I came because neither of us will move on without this.”
“Oh, you need me so much you won't be able to move on if you don't fuck me?” You scoffed, expecting a sarcastic answer to a sarcastic question. 
“Yes,” he said, and your shock at his earnestness gave him the moment he needed to grab at you again. 
This time, though, the tiny towel that had been holding your dignity in place dropped to the floor as Spencer Reid pinned you against the wall. 
“Already fucking bare and wet for me, how well-behaved.”
“Go fuck yourself!” you said, even as his hands cupped your breasts, grabbing and pulling both of your nipples, making you moan.
“See, your mouth is being a bitch, but your body is being a whore.” 
“Just fuck me won't you? No need to run your mouth.” 
“I think we're finally in agreement on something,” he said, pushing you to your knees. 
“What? Sp-” 
In one quick swoop he released his cock from his pants and wrapped a hand around all of your hair as he slid it down your waiting throat. 
As much as you protested, your mouth was wide open, and your hands wrapped around him just as eagerly. 
Holding your head still, Spencer began to talk as he fucked your throat. 
“There we go. That's exactly how I've needed you for the last month.”
You glared at him as you sank your nails into his thighs, gagging on his cock as he picked up his pace.
With two taps on his leg, you requested a moment, and he quickly pulled his dick out of your mouth. 
You coughed quickly, then spat out all of your accumulated drool before looking up at him. 
Part of you wanted to force him down next to you, to make him taste your cunt the way you'd thought about earlier. The other part, the larger part, was excited about him using you. 
He grabbed his dick and slapped your face with it, returning your earlier hit. He was waiting for you to open up again so he could cum down your throat and leave. 
“Open,” he demanded. 
You didn't comply, but you stuck out your tongue, lapping at his tip slowly as you sat on your hands. He held his breath as you kissed the underside of his shaft, making his way to his balls. You reached them and finally sucked them into your mouth, making sure to look up and make eye contact with him as you toyed with his private place.
He didn't argue or complain. Instead he fisted a hand into your hair and dragged you to your bedroom. 
Divesting himself of his pants and shirt, he sat down and, still on all fours, pushed your face back into his crotch. Perched on the edge of your bed, he held his cock up and served himself to you. 
“Well? Get back to it, Y/N.” 
Your tongue found his cock first as his hands massaged his balls, playing with them gently as you licked all the way to his tip then buried yourself between his asscheeks. You licked at the skin between his ass and balls, you tasted every inch of him, and you grew angry that he still hadn't done this for you. 
Against his wished, you rose and spat on his cock, before squeezing it hard. 
“Spencer, are you going to fuck me or are you just going to ruin my makeup?” 
“You look prettier with spit coating your face than you've looked with any lipstick,” he said as you pushed him down onto the bed and grabbed his cock. 
Straddling his waist, you were surprised he.let you sink down onto his cock without so much as another word. You felt him fill you up, one inch, then another until you sat fully sheathed on top of him. 
And then he flipped you over so he was back in control. 
“Son of a bitch,” you muttered as he pulled out and thrust back in. 
“You wanted me to fuck you, I'm fucking you.”
You wanted to argue but all you could do was moan yes as he set a furious pace, thumb and forefinger pinching your clit as you bucked into him wildly.
You couldn't stand too much of this, knowing that you wanted to at least outlast him. You wanted to tell him how pathetic he was for cumming first, you wanted to gloat that he'd wanted you more, that he couldn't resist breeding your hot wet cunt. You knew any more of this, though, and you would instead be on the receiving end of those same taunts. 
Pushing against his chest, you used the last of your strength to flip him over again. He struggled, though, stronger than you were expecting, and you rolled together like that for a few moments.
You almost went crashing to the floor as he fought for control, but he pushed a foot off the bed and held you up with his lower body strength. The new position though forced his cock deeper, to just the right angle, and when he thrust into you again, you did something you'd never done before during sex. 
You screamed your pleasure. 
Your orgasm ripped through you, as painful as it was pleasurable, and you grabbed Spencer Reid by the neck and forced his tongue to meet yours. 
He couldn't complain, too busy moaning about your hot, wet, and now tighter cunt to worry about whether he should be kissing you. 
He pulled back and picked his pace right back up, but this time, you resisted less. Hooking a hand under your legs, he pressed your legs up, pushing his stomach and chest down just above your own as he moved slower but harder. 
You wondered if this was what other wen talked about when they said they wanted someone to beat their pussy up, to use them until they couldn't stand. You didn't think you could even think about walking again for the next month as he spread your knees apart and pinned them to the bed, unloading his cum as deep inside you as anything had ever been.
You didn't even know your body bent that way. 
Panting, he collapsed on top of you and buried his head in your shoulder, mumbling and muttering to himself as he came down from his ecstasy. 
He didn't pull out. He barely even softened as he kissed across the expanse of your throat, thrusting shallowly with each nip, until your body couldn't take anymore. 
He picked a spot and sucked, and licked and bit and soothed as he ended one round, and began another. 
“Spencer-” you said, gasping as he sat up, his cock once again standing at attention, filling you still. 
“No. Stop. Don't talk, we're not good when we talk.” 
You nodded and pulled him back for another kiss, wrapping a hand around his throat and pressing hard as he moaned and groaned into you. 
Still wet and slippery and sensitive from your first attempt, neither of you lasted long, falling to the bed when it was all over with a grunt of overexertion. 
“That was…” you said, stopping there, for once totally speechless.
“That was good?” He supplied, but just good wasn't enough. 
“Yes,” you agreed, though, not willing to let your cunt rule your mind when around him.
Anymore, at least. 
“We should… we should probably never speak again,” you said, even as your hand reached out for his, fingers tangling. 
“Of course. I'll leave, and we won't ever speak again,” he said, stroking your hand with his thumb, bringing your clasped hands to his mouth and pressing a kiss to your hand.
“You haven't left yet.” 
“I haven't.”
“I have nowhere to be tomorrow,” you said. “You don't…”
“I won't leave yet. We might as well enjoy this,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows as he looked over your naked body. 
“We should definitely just get this out of our systems now. What's the harm in that?” 
“I agree. If we're committing to a one time thing, we might as well go all in.”
“Exactly,” you said. 
“Exactly,” he parrotted.
Exactly a year later, the members of the BAU received invitations in the post to your wedding. Because the both of you had convinced yourself that that one time had never ended and never had need to. 
1K notes · View notes
wolfofansbach · 1 year ago
Text
BEING A LIST OF THE THIRTEEN GREATEST RIVERDALE LINES, ON THE OCCASION OF THAT SHOW'S TERMINATION
As our much loved/hated show comes to an end, I feel compelled to record, for posterity, the greatest thirteen pieces of dialogue to spring from the pens of RAS and his henchmen. It was, of course, originally a top ten list, but I simply could not exclude a few of these treasures. Without further ado: 
13. 
“I dropped out in the 4th grade, to sell drugs, to support my nana.” 
“That means you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” 
Spoken by: an inmate of Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center, and Archie Andrews. 
In: 3 x 2 
Yeah, okay, this one had to be on the list. It’s funny, I’ll admit. It’s a great example of the overwrought semi-sincere melodrama that helped make this show so special. It’s low on the list largely because The Normies got their hands on it, so every time I hear someone make a reference I get all “do not cite the deep magic to me, witch.” 
12. 
“No! No! What are we supposed to do now? I’m horny as heck!”
Spoken by: Archie Andrews 
In: 7 x 16
Season 7 is undeniably dreadful, and yet there are diamonds in the rough. The occasion is the failure of a projector, just as Archie and Reggie prepare to watch a pornographic film. The utter desperation with which KJ Apa delivers this line is exquisite. One is made to feel they are witnessing a genuine tragedy. 
11. 
“Tonight, they’re making an exception and debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived.” 
Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom. 
In: 1 x 1 
Really a fantastic line. A wonderful encapsulation of the casual absurdity of Cheryl’s character, and a foretaste of the lunacy we would plumb in later episodes and seasons. 
10. 
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” 
Spoken by: Jughead Jones
In: 1 x 10
A genuine classic. “High school football” before “high school football.” One is never entirely sure just how sincere the line is meant to be, both on a meta-level and in-universe. A perfect illumination of Jughead’s pretentiousness. It is made all the better by the occasional cuts to Lili Reinhard’s agonized face. 
9. 
“At the last dance, multiple students were murdered.” 
Spoken by: Principal Holden Honey. 
In: 4 x 2
Delivered as an explanation to Toni and Cheryl, as to why there would be no school dance this year. Principal Honey is in fact supremely rational in the cancellation of this dance. This being Riverdale, he is of course treated as an unreasonable tyrant. 
8. 
“Bro, I know all the secrets of this universe.” 
Spoken by: Archie Andrews (evil version)
In: 6 x 5 
Spoken as evil Archie reveals his evil plan to keep the parallel universes apart. KJ Apa’s delivery once again makes this line. He is comically sinister. Strangely, he sells it. 
7. 
“A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.” 
Spoken by: Jughead Jones. 
In: 2 x 14
One of those lines that both makes me laugh and makes me genuinely angry. This was a fairly early season, and this may have actually been the first line to get me asking, ‘did they genuinely write and deliver that?’ Extra points for use of the atrocious ‘Vughead’ portmanteau ship name rather than ‘Jeronica.’ 
6. 
“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.” 
Spoken by: Betty Cooper
In: 4 x 14 
Just delicious. Another one of those lines that leaves you somewhat unsure whether or not the writers understood how genuinely hysterical it was. “The Nightmare from Next Door” sounds like an announcer hyping up a wrestler. Spoken with a raw sincerity by Lili Reinhart. Also points for the heavy homoeroticism between Betty and Donna. 
5. 
“For I am Cheryl Blossom, Queen of the Bees.” 
Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom.
In: 5 x 16. 
This one really doesn’t require any elaboration. 
4. 
“Elijah ascended…and I will, too.” 
Spoken by: Edgar Evernever.
In: 4 x 5. 
Admittedly, this one is only spectacular with context. But in context—the context being that Chad Michael Murray delivers this line while dressed like Evel Knievel and standing in a cartoon rocket right out of a Warner Bros cartoon—it becomes utterly magnificent. 
3. 
“It’s not queer baiting, it’s saving the world.” 
Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 
In: 6 x 22. 
It’s actually hard for me to decide whether this one is funnier with or without context. Without context it’s wonderful, but it possibly becomes even funnier when you know that the context is that Veronica needs to kiss Cheryl to transfer superpowers into her body so she can turn into a Scarlet Witch knock-off and stop a magic comet summoned by Sephiroth an English wizard who is also the Devil. 
2. 
“If there’s no wedding reception, it means the Gargoyle King has won.” 
Spoken by: Kevin Keller. 
In: 3 x 12.
One of my personal favorites. This is a perfect line because like #3, it requires no real elaboration. There is absolutely no context in which it isn’t hysterical. 
1 .
“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their ‘princes,’ as it were to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess who can belly up to the bar with the big boys.
Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 
In: 2 x 20. 
This is, in my opinion, the all-timer. Every word is perfect. The rapid-fire alliteration. The use of the word ‘demimonde.’ The entirely unnecessary addition of ‘as it were.’ This is borderline Dr. Seuss. The fact that Camila Mendes delivered it without cracking a smile should have won her an Emmy. No. An Oscar. This line is Riverdale. 
7K notes · View notes