#but without then i can at most get the gist of simple sentences

[deeisace]

I want to watch inspector Ricciardi, but I have stuff to do and my three words of Italian are not enough that I can wander round my flat doing other stuff like I normally do for tv

So I guess, an episode or two of QI to wander round doing chores to, and then I can sit down and pay attention to subtitles

[hyptrance1]

Hypnosis Challenge 4 : Hypnosis Boogaloo 

Hi guys, this is my fourth hypnosis challenge, and the first one I have written since probably 2019. I have had a lot of people asking for a new one so here it is. The goal is simple: try not to get hypnotized while reading this. If you don’t congratulations, you won! I’m super happy for you. If you do lose the challenge and go under, you’ll be given a post hypnotic suggestion to dm me your first name, age, and a phrase. If you dont want to do that, then my best advice is to not do this and leave now 😅. Simple as that. If you do decide to do this, just know that this is 18+ so don’t continue if you’re not of age. I mean it. Alright, that seems to be enough forewarning, so without further ado, let the challenge begin and good luck!

I’ve done a lot of these text inductions before and from one sub that has gone under to them a lot, he says that this is how he usually finds himself when he starts reading one of these inductions. He says that he tries to not get too comfortable, because getting too comfortable especially when reading makes it that much easier to focus on my words in front of him. Mind you, he also says that reading those first few sentences, just like diving into a book that you really want to read or a movie that you really want to see, sucks your attention is so that without even realizing it he’s shifting in his seat or in bed, getting into a more comfortable position while reading my words. It’s almost like a subconscious reaction, just settling in to focus on something. It makes sense, we are programmed to try and get comfortable when focusing on something, makes it easier to read and focus. Our bodies just want to get comfortable anyways, so completely makes sense to me. 

He then says that the wording I use for the induction is pretty nice. It’s like he’s reading his own thoughts sometimes. Usually he says he hears it in his own voice, like an inner monologue, slow and rhythmic. I don’t intentionally do this mind you, it’s just the way that I write tends to be easy enough to read, at a good pace, and sounds just like someone talking to you. He said that I also use words meant to make the reader focus more, like follow, focus, simple, easy. I don’t really understand what he means by this, but I get the gist that the words I use make it easy for people to focus and pay attention to. It’s not too hard to understand. I don’t use big, difficult words. It’s all just pretty simple. 

He then says that I do a good job at describing how he feels when he is reading my words, what his body feels. His breathing slows down and then his body just seems to relax with him. That was an easy one to explain to him. How our bodies start to naturally just relax when we slowly begin to inhale fully and gently exhale completely. It allows for more air to get into our bodies, which allows for our muscles to begin the process of relaxing. He called it melting into his seat, which is cute, but relaxing is the better way to describe it. Usually I remind people that each slow inhale and gentle exhale is also doing something for them as well. Each slow inhale allowing for more positive emotions to begin filling the body: happiness, calm, relaxation. Every gentle exhale though does the opposite, it allows for all the negatives to leave the person and allow for them to relax further. Less worries, cares, stress. It can just be breathed out while you allow your body to relax and focus on the positive feelings coming in with every slow inhale. 

Usually I focus on the lowest part of the body and work my way up, but its also nice sometimes to just have the person picture where they hold in the most stress in their bodies and let the tension their go first. For me it’s the shoulders. I always seem to have a lot of tension there, so I would imagine as I am slowly inhaling all this relaxation flowing into my shoulders, pushing out any stress, tension, or tightness for me to gently exhale. I can feel my shoulders get heavier then, sink lower down my sides. Then, when I feel I have gotten rid of all the negative in that part of my body, I would move onto the next part, and then the next. Allowing the slow inhale to unstick the negative things from their place and the gentle exhale to breathe them out. 

But I forgot why we’re here, to focus on an induction. My sub says that the next thing I do is tease him a little bit, say that he is having trouble looking away from my words even though the goal of the induction is to try and not go under. I would say something like, “you can look away all you want, but you notice that your eyes slowly continue to return to their spot on the page, and you find that you continue reading at a slow and easy pace”. He says that anytime he reads that he remembers he’s supposed to try and resist, and tries to look away, but his eyes always return back to the same part of the reading. Again and again, trying to look away all the while his eyes just return to the thing they know he wants to continue reading. It’s cute how he says it can be frustrating resisting when my words make it so easy to relax and focus on. 

He lastly said that I just seem to relate to the guys that read my words. I understand that it’s not always my relaxing words or easy phrases that make a guy finally sink completely to my words. We are all normal people, some of us are stressed, some of us have had a long day, some of us have just come back from work or the gym, and some of us and just wanting to goo deeper into that mindless, empty, peaceful feeling. Whatever the case, that also contributes to guys going under to my words as well. 

It is usually at this point in the induction that I find a guy is probably relaxed enough, calm enough, and focused enough to try and take under completely. By this time their slow inhaling and gentle exhaling has caused most of the negativity in their body to be filled with positive, comfortable feelings, and their bodies are usually relaxed by this point. Their minds focused on my words, there’s really nothing else left to do besides count down from ten, letting  them know that their minds will sink deeper and deeper with each number until, when I reach 0, they will be completely hypnotized. I usually ask if they understand that, especially since if they are so relaxed, reading further will take them under and they will lose the challenge, but the challenge usually doesn’t seem important to them now that they’re so content reading my words, listening to them floating in their heads, and wanting to go completely hypnotized. So I begin. 

10

The countdown is slow, with spaces in between to remind guys how they’re feeling. 

9

Still slowly inhaling and gently exhaling. Allowing for the rest of their worries and stress to disappear from their bodies. 

8

No need to worry about thinking or thoughts when you’re so focused on my words. 

7

Completely relaxing your muscles. 

6

Gently exhaling your thoughts.

5

My words filling your mind.

4

Simple. Easy. Relaxing. 

3

As you allow yourself. 

2

To sink. 

1

Completely Hypnotized.

0

Empty. 

Now at this moment you just wanted to continue to read. Continue to follow the words in front of you. At this point you feel yourself hypnotized and entranced by my words. This lovely feeling is enveloping you like a comfy blanket. 

You should also know, if you are feeling so good and relaxed, that you are under hypnosis. As a reminder, this meant that you lost the challenge and had to complete a task for me. The task is simple. When you wake up from this trance you can dm me your first name, age, and that you lost the challenge and were hypnotized by my words. If you do not wish to complete this post hypnotic suggestion, please feel free not to complete it and to disregard the rest of this paragraph. For those of you that are okay with following this direction, you can feel that post hypnotic suggestion flow into your mind with the rest of my words, ready to be followed when you wake up. 

Which, in another moment you will wake when I count to 3. I want you to all feel nice, relaxed, and hoary when you wake from this trance, content and feeling well rested. You will feel peaceful from your time reading these words. Now:

1

Thoughts returning to your mind

2

Becoming more alert, more awake, more conscious. 

3

Wide awake. 

Wide, wide awake. 

Alright then, hopefully you enjoyed this new rendition of an old classic challenge. If you won or lost, congratulations and I hope that you enjoyed yourself somehow. If you have questions comments or concerns feel free to let me know. Other than that, until I do another one of these…if I do another one of these…maybe. 

Have a good one. 

[whenthechickencry]

Our Confession

I actually have read both this one and Last Note Before, it was a long while ago though... so I know the general gist but I don't quite remember all the details

The way Beatrice is doing her dead inside sprite before she realizes others were in the room and then she plays up her hamminess a bunch is really sad, aaa.

Dlanor constantly tells Beatrice she's a good writer and she's so excited but a little sad she won't get to see it as a full-blown game first, and Beatrice is like you don't need to flatter me but she's right Beato you should accept her compliments.

Iirc what the Booklet did for this was having the pages be sealed after this and you had to unseal them, which is actually extremely cool. They did their best here but a simple choice prompt just can't match that, I think.

Haha, the complaining about how Natsuhi is hard to make an accomplice... she's like the only person that cares about the headship as much as the gold, Eva as well but Eva isn't getting that without Sayo's help anyways, thinking about it even in Episode 4 she was one of the first to go,, so I can imagine getting her to cooperate is kind of hard. Granted, once you bring up Jessica to the equation you can probably get her to relent.

Beatrice getting a gun sprite is kind of uncanny, haha, really bringing it home was an early draft before Sayo had the chance to embellish the story with magic.

Kinzo being willing to explain to his children that he would blow them up if he felt like it worked in Sayo's favor when getting accomplices, I suppose.

You know, the fact Genji was like "hey! you are a product of incest. we rewrote your entire life for your incestuous grandfather. All your lovers are your cousins. Everything in your life is a lie. By the way, you have a bomb to blow everything up!" like okaayyy what were you expecting at that point Genji.

It's kind of interesting Beatrice tells accomplices that Kuwadorian is safe - technically Rosa could have probably survived Episode 2 with Maria if she just checked Shannon's corpses and realized she really was dead and just tried to make a mad dash to Kuwadorian, maybe.

Krauss is like yeah sure, sure, why not I guess. The fact that Natsuhi is the one more hesitant about this when she's the one thrust into solving all their problems, figuring out what to do, and she never had the option to not do her part...

This episode really does feel like tearing up the guts of Umineko... you can tell a lot of the accomplices act a little weird around Battler so you can guess Sayo probably told them vaguely of her plan, but it's the sort of thing you don't expect to be explicitly confirmed.

Kumasawa is grinning here, haha, she really does think she's a prank up to the very end.... it's kind of sad. She probably can't even imagine Sayo as someone who would do what she did, but I guess that also shows the way she didn't reach out to try and understand her enough...

It's kind of funny how sometimes you see the story going, ah, shit, sorry I have to embellish this more, right.

While thinking on how to properly kill 5 people she gets distracted by the fact she wants to draw a cute girl instead of a man, haha.

It's kind of funny because she does absolutely think they also did something wrong, but I guess talking to herself like this also makes it easier for her to justify herself to her...

Huh... now that I think about it most magic circles were indeed in places that people don't usually go to, ie the shed or Kinzo's rooms... I did think Sayo did the drawings in between murders, haha

The fact Sayo writes some of her tales while thinking about how the argument with Battler is going to go is kind of funny, haha. I wonder what the Japanese version said for metaworld here... it's not a sentence the translation has used so far and the side arcs don't have the greatest translation, so I am curious...

Beatrice is making fun of Battler for reading so many mystery novels but not being able to figure out the mystery, but also praises the person able to see the fantasy aspect of it...

The fact that so many of the mysteries in Umineko rely on several characters thinking that Shannon/Kanon wouldn't do X is very sad... like Sayo is writing these stories with the assumptions that no one in the family actually understands her and won't care to try to, so her mysteries are safe.

It's kind of interesting how in the episodes Sayo does this they mix up whether a Sayo actor is doing it or whether it's an actual conclusion the characters reached, in order to have more difficulty seeing the pattern. For ex: in Ep1 Eva, the accomplice, and Natsuhi both brought up this argument. Eva was an accomplice but Natsuhi isn't.

It's brought up that Gohda and Kumasawa don't know its actual murder, I knew about Kumasawa but didn't know about Gohda, actually... I think the roulette accomplices always know or at least figure it out early enough. Kumasawa's the one who is always clueless. Not really sure about Gohda in ep2, though. I think a lot of people were probably clueless in ep4.

This scene always fucks me up.... the way one of the few light conversations we see between Sayo and Kumasawa is here, the fact Sayo is crying after what she does before resuming the mocking Beatrice act. The use of "End of a Daydream" as the song...

In general this episode really highlights how? Disassociative? Sayo was during all of this. She constantly switches from doing the cruel witch that laughs at everyone's misfortune, to passing the blame on to Battler for what happened, to being fucked up about what is happening. None of these are Sayo on their own but all of them together make up Sayo. I think an episode like this really helps you see how all of the Sayos are one Sayo. Its role as a post-Umineko arc is interesting too. Even people sympathetic to Sayo occasionally role her as ie the innocent victim who did nothing wrong or flatten her into her relationship with Battler. Sayo is so much more than that and this episode forces you to confront that.

Shannon's words here hit so hard... Sayo here is affirming she was an incomprehensible being that was impossible to understand in the first place. In general, Shannon seems to be the persona most resigned to giving up... Beatrice might think its a long shot but her game and the meta arguments show that she does have a hope that she can be understood. Kanon might not think better is possible, but still yearns for it and isn't satisfied with what they have; as opposed to Shannon who seems completely resigned to the fact no one will understand them and that there is no hope for the future. Ofc all of these are the same person, so it's not useful to see them as totally different perspectives. But I think trying to understand each persona on their own is useful to analyzing Sayo. Like, why is the persona that has completely given up tied to George? Why is the persona that wants better but doesn't think its possible tied to Jessica? I think answering those kinds of questions can help you understand what was going on in Sayo's head during a lot of moments as well as help you contextualize their relationships more.

It's kind of funny how they do the missing corpse trick with Kanon constantly but never with Shannon, when Shannon's corpse appears its either after Sayo is dead or they hide the corpse another way entirely. R07 probably didn't want you to figure out they were the only corpses allowed to do this.

Dlanor points out that Beatrice surely wants to be understood by more than one person, Beatrice doesn't really answer to that remark and just says it's fine for her to just hope that one person understands her.

Of course, Dlanor did end up guiding Battler to Beatrice... and thankfully he didn't have to release her guts in order to do it, but... Battler still didn't understand her with just Beatrice's own words and actions. He needed to be guided and prompted by others to be able to get there, and it was still too late. This is still very sad.

Beatrice gets a shocked expression once Dlanor points out that said prince needs to have love for her or otherwise they won't get to her, and Beatrice relents in giving her the manuscript as long as Dlanor agrees to not release it before she is dead.

Now, on to the present.

Of course, Sayo didn't *just* want Battler to understand her. She wanted others to be able to see her heart. She wanted others to stop painting over her for the benefit of others. She wanted everyone to see her for the full person that she was. But that seems like such an impossible, naive dream that she won't even accept to having it.

There's just so much going on here... Dlanor begging for you to understand her, the reuse of the episode 4 red truth. Dlanor points out that just understanding what went on in the gameboards isn't enough to understand Sayo, there is still so much more for you to understand.

This is the first of all the side arcs I would say is completely required reading, Umineko's Saikoroshi basically. The writing here was excellent, allowing you to see the gameboard from a different perspective helps you understand Sayo much more. Being post-ep8 also lets them be so much more explicit with things they didn't have as much of liberty in the main arcs. There are so many heartbreaking scenes in this episode. If anyone reading this hasn't read this arc, I really beg you to do so.

[mikeyddie]

* hi @purple-striped-shirt :D 

Okay so I’m gonna do this a little different from how I usually write headcanons- hope that’s alright ^^ Also I didn’t do one for Tord because by the time i got to Toms part I kept accidentally repeating sentences from Matt/Edds part so :skull

Just didn’t want to repeat anything-- if it’s a big deal I’ll make Tord a part but expect at least one thing to be said twice lmao

This beginning part will be the same for each character so 

You got a call from your friend, inviting you over. You two had hung out recently but you hadn’t seen his house before, so you were quick to figure out a date. You two were actually free at that moment, so you packed a small bag to stay the night. Once you got there, you were introduced to three other boys who welcomed you warmly. You two actually didn’t spend a bunch of time at his house, going to the arcade for most of the day. It was a bunch of fun. When you got back, you watched TV for a bit and ate dinner. Everyone went to bed aside from you two. 

“Um- do you want to maybe sleep in my room?” he questioned shyly.

You weren’t really sure what to say. I mean it wasn’t the weirdest thing ever but what threw you off what his nervousness.

“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind,” he was relieved that you didn’t think it was weird.

“Okay, cool,” he smiled and stood up, waiting for you to do the same.

You followed him up the stairs, quietly. He opened the door slowly, not wanting to wake anybody.

Edd:

His room was pretty simple. Green bed, a dresser, you get the gist. There was a PC resting on a desk, as well. A gamer chair sat in front of it. (lmao) It had a drawing pad plugged into it a stylus next to it. Multiple empty and half-full Cola cans were scattered about. There were shelves plastered to the wall covered in a collection of full sketchbooks. An empty sketchbook was laying on the nightstand next to his bed, alongside a bunch of pencils and pens.

“I can get you some blankets if you’d rather sleep on the floor-” Edd quickly interrupted himself. “I-I mean I can sleep on the floor if, if you don’t want you,” you’d never seen him this nervous, causing you to chuckle.

It was actually pretty cute. Though, of course, you were still concerned. 

“Are you alright, dude?” you questioned. 

“Yeah, why?” he paused.

“Is there something you want to tell me or-? You just seem a little anxious, is all,” you sat on the edge of his bed.

“No, no, I’m fine,” he failed to give you reasoning as he searched his closest for blankets.

He soon came to remember that they were currently in the wash and would be in there for at least another twenty minutes. While, of course, he could just wait, both of you were very tired and wanted to get to sleep. He was very much willing to sleep on the floor without cushioning, but he knew you’d oblige.

“We could just share your bed,” you spoke up, catching him off guard.

“Oh- I.. I guess we could,” he glanced back at you, closing the closet. 

“Well, come on. I’m sleepy,” you chuckled, scooting under the covers. 

Edd joined you. He was careful to keep his space as not to make you uncomfortable. He lied next to you, awkwardly. Your eyes slowly fluttered shut, though you didn’t fall asleep for a while. You were worried about Edd because you’d never seen him like this. But it didn’t seem like he was going to share what was going on, based off of how quickly he shut you down when you’d questioned him earlier. You let out a sigh, trying to enjoy the quiet. At least ten minutes went by and you had sat there thinking about all sorts of things. Just letting your mind wander until you fell asleep. That was until you heard a quiet groan come from Edd, sounding frustrated. 

“God, why is it so hard to talk to you,” he muttered to himself.

You fought the urge to frown, assuming that he was referring to you making it difficult.

“It’s five words, it shouldn’t be this hard,” he continued, quietly. 

You felt bad for being nosy, but you wanted to see where this was going. You thought you might have done something wrong, but the way he was wording everything frankly confused you. 

He sighed, rolling over to face you. There was a short silence before he began talking again. 

“How are you always so beautiful,” he mumbled.

Your reaction would’ve been to gasp and ask if you’d heard him right but trying to act as if you were asleep your lips merely parted. You felt his hand cup your cheek, catching you off guard. He took it back after a moment.

“I can only dream, huh,”

Nothing happened for a bit. Maybe two or three minutes passed before he did anything else. You felt his arm wrap around you, his head resting on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. It calmed him, similar to rocking a baby to sleep. 

You weren’t sure what to do. You weren’t entirely sure if you had feelings for him or not- you’d actually never thought about it before. It wasn’t something you would have been able to come to terms with, assuming he wouldn’t have felt the same. Though now that you knew he did, you came to the realization that you did, in fact, have feelings for this Cola loving dork.

You hesitated. Half wanting to tell him and half wanting to just go to sleep. Though, your curiosity got the best of you as you wanted to know what would happen. You sleepily sat up, causing Edds eyes to snap open. He quickly pulled away from you and rolled over. 

You giggled quietly.

“Edd, I know you’re awake,” you whispered, shaking him lightly with your hand. 

After a moment he glanced back at you. 

“Sorry,” he wanted to avoid eye contact, but the way the moon lit up your eyes made it impossible to look away. 

“It’s alright,” you smiled. 

“I just wanted to say something really quick,” you began.

He hesitantly sat up, you two now face to face. Well- almost. He was taller than you. (HE’S LIKE 6′2 LMFAO)

“What’s up?” he inquired. 

“Well, I heard what you said,” his eyes went wide. 

Suddenly it was more difficult to look at you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I should have kept that to myself,” his gaze shifted down to his hands. 

You chuckled under your breath. “Edd,” you began.

You both wanted him to glance back up at you, but he didn’t. So, you gently took hold of his chin and tilted his head up. You both realized just how close you two were, but neither of you wanted to back away.

“I..” you wanted to tell him, but a different urge was a bit more powerful. 

Your eyes fell from his down to his lips. You knew you should ask first but it was just too tempting.

You leaned closer to him. Once he understood what you were doing, he copied the motion, pink brushing his cheeks. Eventually, your lips joined his and danced together. You could smell Cola now that his mouth was so close to your nose. The feeling shared between the two of you was indescribable. Fireworks went off in his stomach. This was not at all what he expected to happen when you told him you’d heard his mumbling, but he was happy with the outcome. 

He rested his arms around your waist, smiling into the kiss. After a moment you pulled away for air, looking into his eyes. You returned his giddy smile and giggled. 

“You’re so cute,” you let out. 

“Don’t act like you aren’t, too,” he replied, cupping your cheek. 

“Oh, I also wanted to ask. What were the five words you were referring to?” you questioned. 

“They were,” he paused, hesitant. “I have feelings for you,” 

You were at a loss for words as you examined his face. It was so amazing up close. He was so pretty. 

He pecked your nose.

“Let’s go to bed,” he lied back down and waited for you. 

You copied the action and wrapped your arm around him. You rested your head on Edd’s chest. He placed his hand atop your head and played with your hair, putting you to sleep pretty quickly. He fell asleep soon after.

Matt:

His room was actually pretty neat, he’d cleaned it since he knew you were coming over. Though there was a lot of mirrors. You didn’t expect much different, to be honest. There were shelves full of nifty little trinkets and items he’d collected over time. And plenty of novelty toys. You took a seat on his bed which was very soft and bouncy. You chuckled to yourself imagining Matt jumping on the bed. 

“So,” he began. 

“Um, quick question,” he said, pushing aside whatever he’d planned on saying as recalled the question he wanted to ask earlier. 

“Yes?” you looked up at him.

“Uh- is this a date?” he looked down at his fidgety hands. 

You didn’t really know what to say. Either way you wouldn’t have gotten the chance to respond because he continued talking.

“Sorry, that was a weird question. I’ll put some blankets down,” he turned to his closet. 

You wanted to answer his question but felt you should leave it alone. While he really wanted an answer, he was too afraid of rejection to ask again.

Matt layed out a few blankets on the floor, quick to hop into bed. Which confused you. You’d stayed the night before and you would usually stay up late because you were the only person that would let him rant all night about things he loved. You were a little worried but didn’t say anything. You took your shoes off and lied down.                                    

You closed your eyes but couldn’t manage to keep it that way. In fact, you sat there awake for nearly twenty minutes. You weren’t sure if it was because of your worry or if you were just dealing with insomnia. It could have been because you were laying on the floor. Which brought upon you another concern. Matt might be a narcissist but he’s still considerate of his friends. Yet he had you sleep on the hardwood floor. Something was definitely wrong. You slowly stood and crawled onto his bed. You reached out to shake him but were interrupted when he began to speak. 

“How pathetic,” he stated.

You didn’t know what/who he was referring to, or the context. You wanted to question him but were curious to whether or not he’d keep speaking. He said not another word. Though you heard a soft slap. You peered over him to see his palm against his forehead. You really wanted to know what was going on. Your lips parted to speak, but..

“I’m not that stupid, am I? I made them sleep on the floor!” he exclaimed, though still keeping quiet.

You felt really bad about the way he was referring to himself, wondering if the earlier comment was also about himself.

“Come on, Matt,” he continued. 

You placed your hand on his arm causing him to jump and yelp in surprise. He looked back at you, quickly. 

“Matt,” you began, the look on your face catching his attention.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Are you?” you replied with a question. 

He stared at you for a second, desperately wanting to tell you the truth.

Though, you of course didn’t know what the truth was. You just wanted to know why he was talking so badly about himself.

“You aren’t stupid,” you began.

His face shifted from the usual lit up concern when one of his friends were upset to one you’d never seen before. He was genuinely shocked that you would say that. He’d always been known for being dumb and ignorant. 

“Or pathetic,” you continued. 

“And I don’t mind sleeping on the floor, dude,” 

He cringed softly at the last word.

“Why do you think that, Matt?” you took your hand back as he sat up. 

“I...” his voice was low and quiet. 

It was strange hearing the difference from his usual upbeat tone.

“It’s... I can’t tell you,” he sighed in defeat.

“Wh-” he looked down.

You slid your hand up to his chin.

“What’s going on?” you lifted his face to look back at you.

He took your hand away, clearly distraught by the touch.

“I’m..” he started, but couldn’t finish.

He’d never had this problem and he hated it. He never had an issue speaking to anybody, he’s a confident person. And he’d only ever felt this way for himself. He didn’t want to feel this way, but he really did and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. 

“Matt,” you cupped his cheek, rubbing circles on his soft skin with your thumb.

His demeanor faltered as he slumped forward, wrapping his arms around you to envelope you in a hug. You didn’t do anything for a moment, trying to think of any kind of answer. Nothing. You relaxed into him, your arms slithering around his back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“For what?” 

“For being in-” his breath hitched as he realized what was about to slip. 

He wasn’t thinking straight. 

“For..” he wanted to tell you so badly.

“It’s okay, you can tell me anything,” you mumbled reassuringly. 

At this point you were just scared. It was like he was teasing you. You pulled way and rested both of your hands firmly on his arms. He looked down at you, his expression unexplainable. You just wanted him to say something, anything. And so did he. Though with how close your faces were, you couldn’t help but occasionally glance down at his lips. You did every time you got close to him, actually. It was a habit at this point. You were positive you’d developed feelings for him, but that wasn’t important. You were trying hard not to get distracted, but his beautiful eyes staring into yours was hard to ignore. It seemed like he was doing the same, actually. His eyes kept slipping away from yours and looking down to your parted lips. This caused you to wonder if he was thinking the same as you. You didn’t want to take the risk, but he didn’t seem as hesitant. He knew it was a bad idea but the temptation was nearly controlling him. His arms were still around you so he took the opportunity to pull you closer.

“Matt?” you began, but before you could say anything else his face fell to yours.

Your eyes shot wide open as his lips made awkward contact with yours. He quickly pulled away, finally coming back to his senses.

“I’m sorry!” he pulled back from you, covering his mouth with his hands, shocked with himself.

“I...” you gazed at him, unsure what to do next.

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry! I should have just told you, that was dumb I’m-”

Now knowing something in him felt the same as you, you took his hands away from his mouth and pulled him back into a longer kiss, your hand holding his face by his jawline. 

After a moment of processing, he melted into it, resting his arms on your shoulders. Your free hand moved to play with his hair, softly. 

He smiled, holding you as close to him as he could, your bodies pressed against each other. His lips were soft and tasted like candy. After a moment or two, you let go of him to take a breath. His eyes pierced yours and you were unable to look away. The love speckled in the soft blue circles could light up an entire city. You giggled quietly, leaning forward to peck his nose.

“We should sleep,” you suggested.

“Aww,” he frowned.

“I wanted to keep kissing,” he mumbled, causing you to chuckle.

You kissed him again before laying back.

“Come one, big guy,” he rolled his eyes, jokingly and joined you, wrapping his arm around you.

You snuggled up to him, burying your face in his chest. You two fell asleep soon after.

Tom:

His room was actually kind of empty. The only things in there being his bed, a lamp, dresser, and a closet. And his bass, of course. You chuckled when you noticed the teddy bear sat on his bed. Tom realized what you were looking at and rushed to grab it, hiding it behind his back.

“I- I don’t know who’s this is,” he lied.

You giggled at him.

“You’re adorable,” you let out quietly. 

You would compliment him occasionally, finding his flustered face funny. His cheeks would be brushed with pink and his widened eyes would turn white. He avoided looking at you until you spoke up again. 

“Well, I’m really tired. Want me to crash on the floor, or-?” 

He thought for a moment.

“That’d be kinda rude, wouldn’t it?” he questioned.

“Yeah, I guess it would,” you glanced down at the hardwood.

Definitely would be uncomfortable. 

“I can take the floor,” Tom began. 

“What? No, you don’t have to do that.” you sat on the edge of his bed. 

“What else would I do? My bed isn’t big enough for both of us,” he told.

Though, his bed would probably fit three people now that you’re looking at it. You weren’t sure if he just assumed you didn’t want to share his bed or if he was who didn’t want to share.

“Fine, fine. Sleep on the floor,” you chuckled as you lied back, getting under the covers snuggly. 

He stood there for a moment before shrugging and grabbing some of the blankets that were folded at the end of the bed and set them on the floor. He chucked the teddy bear he’d been holding beside you before laying down on the barely cushioned floor. He was quick to realize just how hard the floor was. But he’d already made his decision, so he didn’t move. 

You turned to see Tommy bear next to you and giggled under your breath. You grabbed the small bear and cuddled it, some part of you secretly wishing it was Tom, but obviously you weren’t going to say anything. You worried if he’d even be able to sleep considering where he was resting. He seemed pretty convinced that he didn’t want to share his bed though, so you weren’t going to try and change his mind.

Truthfully, he had assumed that you’d be uncomfortable in the same bed as him and he didn’t want to take any chances, so he didn’t even ask. He didn’t want to take the floor and he knew there was enough room for both of you on his mattress, but. Well, now that he’s thinking about it, he might just wait for you to fall asleep. 

You were actually wondering if that’s what he planned on doing. If you were him, you’d definitely do that. So, you let a few minutes pass before fake snoring to see what would happen. You didn’t know if you snored or not, but you certainly don’t do it when you’re awake. 

After a couple minutes went by, you heard shuffling and a yawn. The bed sunk slightly as Tom crawled into the bed, careful not to make any contact with you. He couldn’t help but smile when he noticed the teddy bear in your arms. He chuckled quietly before lying back, staring at your fake-sleeping face.

The temptation to open your eyes was strong, so you rolled over, looking at the wall, no longer snoring. Though that didn’t seem to faze Tom.

“This is a bad idea,” he whispered to himself a few times.

You suddenly felt his arm wrap around you, and he buried his face in your neck. You didn’t really know how to react, your face becoming warm while you tried to process what just happened. A smile stretched across your face, and you turned, resting your arm around Toms waist, pulling him closer. His eyes shot wide open at the movement, though he didn’t budge. 

“See? Told you you were adorable,” you joked, quietly.

“I-” he didn’t know what to say. 

“You’re a dork,” you pecked the top of his head. 

“(Reader)?” he began, hesitant.

He wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to say this, but it was already in motion so there wasn’t any turning back. He’d just say something else, but his head was empty.

“Yeah?” you questioned. 

“I..” he held his breath for a moment.

Tom pulled back and gently peeled your arm off of him, sitting up. You joined him, now a little concerned. 

“What’s up?” you questioned, again. 

“This is really difficult,” he chuckled under his breath. 

“You can tell me whatever, dude,” you put your hand on his shoulder. 

“Okay,” he sighed. 

“I lo-” he interrupted himself. 

You were a little frustrated, to be honest. He’s done this a few times- coming close to telling you something important but never being able to finish it.

“-ve.. you,” he continued. 

You put the words together, lighting up when you realized what he’d said. Your smile returned and you pulled him into a tight embrace. His breath hitched, not at all expected this response. He was awaiting you to pack and leave, or worse go off on him. He’d been rejected a lot, so he wasn’t sure what else to expect.

“I love you too, Tom,” you mumbled into his chest.

There was a moment of silence. He wondered if you were joking- pulling some cruel prank. But you’ve pulled pranks before, and they were easy to figure out. And also poorly staged. But there was no way you could have known he was going to confess tonight. Hell, even he didn’t plan on doing this tonight. But for once the time had been right.

He slid his arms around your waist, slowly. He was gentle, ever so carefully resting his head atop of yours. You’d never seen him so damn hesitant. It was a nice difference, and also pretty cute. 

After a bit, he quietly nudged you off of him, keeping his hands planted on your waist.

“Can I...” he paused, wondering if it was too early.

“Can I kiss you?” he inquired. 

You looked at him for a moment, really taking in his features. The moon lit his face in such a nice way, it was hard to look away. Of course, he didn’t have eyes so there wasn’t much to look at there, aside from light eye bags and- ohmygod he’s wearing eye liner. You also noticed the few freckles he had. Alongside very chapped lips, but you didn’t mind. His nose looked like it’d been broken before- probably from some adventure with those friends of his. You cupped his cheek; his skin was surprisingly soft. 

“Of course,” you finally replied. 

He began leaning forward, but you didn’t want to wait. You quickly pressed your lips against his for a moment. He didn’t react at first. When you pulled away, he rubbed his nape nervously.

“I um... I’ve never kissed anyone before so- sorry if I mess it up,” he avoided your eyes.

“That’s okay,” you giggled, kissing his cheek. 

“You’re so cute,” you let out, repeating your action before laying back down. 

“Seriously, though, I’m really tired,” you glanced up at him.

He nodded and joined you, cuddling you again. He buried his face in your chest and you pecked his head again. You both fell asleep soon after, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

[wildlyminiaturesandwich]

it’s been a minute...

but almost five months into 2021 and this year has already been way better in some aspects (for me personally) than last year. i don’t know if it’s because i’ve taken a bit of a step back from the sims community and most social media (i still go on twitter occasionally), or because i’m doing a lot of new things that make me happy, or both; but 2021 has been pretty alright so far.

tl:dr is i’m learning a bunch of new things, re-learning some things i used to know, continuing some of my favourite things, my hair is blue now, and I’m just generally doing things that make me happy instead of forcing myself to do things others want/expect me to do. If you wanna know what those things are I’ve put some info under a cut 😊

buying a house — mr sandwich and i have been looking at buying a house since last year but this year, hopefully that will become a reality... if covid would feck off and and even bigger IF i can ever stop procrastinating and get together all the documents we need for the home loan hehe 

continuing learning chinese — been at it for 160+ days now (the screenshot is from about a week ago) and still really enjoying it. i’ve reached the point where when i’m watching anything in chinese and i’m not looking at the screen or don’t have the subtitles on i can work out the generally gist of what’s being said by catching words i know. it was weirdly exciting (and made me kind of proud) the first time i understood a full sentence that was more than a few words long without there being any subtitles!

re-learning korean — because apparently i’m not enough of a masochist to just stick to take on one of the most difficult languages to learn (chinese), i also decided to start re-learning korean as well. i took korean classes all through primary school and high school but never kept up with it after i left and i’ve forgotten most of what i learned since then. it’s something i’ve always regretted (especially since i left school the year before my korean class went on a trip to seoul!), so i figured why not start from the beginning and re-learn it this year? it’ll help a lot now that i’m watching k-dramas and listening to a lot more k-pop lol

maybe thai as well — yup, thai dramas are fun to watch too so why not throw that in the mix as well. although, it might be a little harder to do because duolingo is frustratingly unhelpful in this area. apparently they’d rather people learn klingon and high valyrian than an actual useful language like thai, i guess? so if you know of any apps or sites that have good thai lessons let me know! i’d also like to learn japanese one day too but i think 2-3 languages is enough for now lol

re-learning keyboard/piano — my nan taught me to play when i was younger but, like korean (and a bunch of other things), i didn’t keep up with it after i left high school. so since 2021 is apparently a year of learning for me, and since electronic keyboards are less expensive than cellos (something else i never kept up with after high school), i figured i’d buy a cheap one and teach myself how to play again! there are a bunch of other instruments i’d also like to learn (kalimba, xiao, guqin, theremin, violin) and re-learn (cello, guitar, drums) as well but for now i’ll just stick with one lol 

listening to k-pop — listen, i know i’m late to the k-pop train but i’m here now and i’m enjoying the ride. i’ve listened to it casually in the past but never really considered myself a “fan” until recently. i’m slowly working my way through different groups (mostly boy groups because i just can’t seem to get into the girl groups) listening to their music and getting to know the members, it’s a lot like learning a new language because a lot of the groups have so many members LOL i’m currently listening to and loving ATEEZ! if you have any recommendations, feel free to fire them at my inbox! 

still diamond painting — it’s been almost exactly a year since i first started diamond painting and i’m still just as obsessed with it as i was back then. it’s weirdly satisfying placing each drill one at a time (i never use multi-placers, masochist remember? LOL) and seeing the picture slowly come together.

still journaling — sometimes i find it really hard to focus on and remember what i need to do each day and i quickly become overwhelmed and annoyed with myself when i can’t do even the most simple tasks that other people have no problems with. i’d honestly be completely lost without my journal, not to mention it’s just fun to plan out, draw, and colour a different theme every month! also, that pic is from my march pages, look at my crazy sleep tracker! normal sleep schedule who?

anyway, so that’s what i’ve been up to. nothing terribly exciting and not at all sims-related (i rarely open my game at all these days) but i figured since it’s been quite a while since i posted anything here i should probably let people know i’m not dead; i’m just enjoying other hobbies/activities. I may come back to posting regularly on tumblr and making cc at some point but i’m not in a rush because honestly, i’m the happiest i’ve been in a long time and that’s all that really matters 😊

[hardskz]

bow down.

pairing — bang chan x genderneutral! reader

genre — modern royalty au, drama-ish, smut; sexual tension-ish, hand kink, brat tamer! chan, degradation, leg humping, humiliation

synopsis — you have eyes. prince bang chan is a whole snack. but you also have too high of an ego and can’t seem to accept that prince chan isn’t full of himself unlike the other dozen members of any royal family you’ve met before. alternatively, this is the disney channel movie ‘princess protection program’ but make it porn only.

note — this fic with a wc of 7k+ does not include any spoilers to the movie and you don’t even have to know what the movie is about you’ll get the gist as you read. ngl half of this is from one of my drafts from like 3 years ago and i never continued it so here i am turning it into filth hahahah (and i needed a fresh idea for brat tamer chan and hence why i think the sfw part is better written than the nsfw lmao) rip also pls accept this as the follower milestone gift and 1 year anniversary special :’)

“I’m pretty sure I asked for a puppy for my birthday — which was three months ago may I add — not for a new roommate?”

You look back and forth between Youngjae and the stranger sitting on the couch who is staring back at you with a curious expression. He looks around your age and you admit, his face isn’t the kind of face that makes you thank your parents that genetics did a decent job on you. It’s quite the opposite, actually.

His face is the type of face that makes you ask your parents why genetics didn’t do a better job on yours. Okay, you haven’t reached that stage of visual inferiority yet but that’s mainly because he is dressed in clothes that were trendy in the 15th century or something. The garments clinging to his skin look like a bad fusion of a suit (which college student wears a suit in their free time?) and the ridiculous costume the marching band at your former high school had worn whenever a football game was up. And those weird golden pins clipped on the blazer makes it seem as if he used to be in the marines or comes from a royal bloodline or—

Oh. 

“Don’t mind my cousin, your Highness. (y/n)’s humor has always been questionable.”  Youngjae sends you a glare before he puts on his sweetest smile — you know, the act he puts on whenever he tries to negotiate a bonus with his boss or woo his date — and opts to ignore your presence. “Anyway, since we are dealing with a more serious issue at hand than originally expected, we need to give you a makeover to—“

Before he gets to finish his sentence, you violently tug him away from the prince and despite Youngjae thrashing around and complaining, you manage to send the guest a forced smile and leave his vision. The moment you let go of Youngjae in the neighboring room, he readjusts his collar. “What? Couldn’t you have waited once I was done? Also, was it necessary to crinkle my collar this much?” he hisses but you get straight to the point.

“What is he doing here?”

“Uh, sitting on the couch?”

“That’s not what I mean.” you grit your teeth and land a punch on his arm. “What is he doing here?”

Youngjae looks over your shoulder, making sure that what he’s about to say next is only heard by you. “Prince Chan is,” he hesitates, unsure how to approach his topic. You know it’s taking up his last nerves to conclude a logical explanation as the tip of his tongue pokes out of the corner of his lips; a habit he has adapted ever since he stopped chewing on his bottom lip. “The predicament he’s in is worse than we expected. Well, his dad is partially at fault because he forgot to tell us this not-so-small critical detail that—“

“Youngjae, you’re rambling.”

“The point is.” he sighs and gives you a distressed look as if he already knows you’re not going to like the information at all. “We can’t send him to the family in Goyang, the place he was originally going to stay in. He’s one of the more extreme cases and the Board agreed that he had to live with one of the active combatants to ensure his safety.”

Silence engulfs the kitchen and you know he’s waiting for you to count two and two together.

“He’s going to live here,” you deadpan eventually and Youngjae nods in confirmation.

“I know you’re not very happy—“

“Not very happy is underwhelming.” You earn a flick against your forehead and yelp in pain as you over the spot he just hit. “Ow! I was just stating the truth!”

“Will you stop interrupting me? Geez. Yes, I know that you’re not happy at all. I know that you’re not a huge fan of the majority of our family working in this business. But please do me this one favor or so help me God— try to be nice to him for the next year.”

“He’s staying for a year?” you shriek and in the blink of an eye, Youngjae clamps your mouth shut.

“Can you keep it down?!” he whisper-yells, then retreats his hand and reverts to a conversational tone with a frown. “It’s just a year, okay? Y’know, just... say hi to him whenever you see him. Act civilized.”

You grimace as he stresses his last words like you didn’t know what human decency was. The longer you keep the petrified expression on your face, the more it turns into a staring contest between the two of you. Just as if you were each other’s reflection, you mimic his actions and vice versa. When Youngjae squints, you squint. When you shoot him a glare, he returns it. It all boils down to the final blink that Youngjae feints and you’re the first to look away.

“Okay fine! I’ll try to behave,” you mumble in defeat.

A satisfied smile makes its way on Youngjae’s lips. “It’s always nice negotiating with you.”

Being born into a family where the majority works for the royalty protection program (short: RPP or as you like to stylize it: argh-pee-pee), also known as the secret service for people with crowns on their heads, comes with many perks. In your eyes, this privilege comes with many, many downsides that aren’t worth the advantages. Sure, there is the one or other occasion where you can waltz around in fancy evening attire and attend an actual ball, but overall, it’s a pain in the ass.

Even though it’s prohibited to openly declare that you work for the RPP, the news always finds its way out. Usually, it takes approximately a week for pretty much half of the neighborhood to find out. And it certainly isn’t nice hearing whispers about your dad being that guy working for the program whenever you step out of your house, which is ultimately why you moved in with your cousin Youngjae. (Housing in your small town wasn’t really affordable for a dirt poor college student after all!)

Youngjae has always been your favorite cousin out of the... whatever number of cousins you have. But here’s the thing. He also works for the RPP.

However, somehow he managed to — and up to this day it still remains a mystery to you how on earth he did that — keep his job a secret. Especially with his tendency to dish out the worst kinds of secrets when he’s slightly tipsy. Frankly, you once considered printing out the image of a trophy for that remarkable feat.

With your dad and cousin both active in that business (because organization sounds too shady), it’s not the first time you meet a prince, so you already know how the entire thing works. The concept is quite simple; they get sent to a household but before they settle in and take on a fake identity until their circumstances have improved, they undergo a makeover. Most of the time, it ends up in the glow up you secretly crave but in Prince Chan’s case, you suppose he can’t get any more attractive.

Oh boy. You’re in for a ride.

You’re busy slicing bell peppers for the meal you were cooking when both your cousin and the prince enter the kitchen and Youngjae explicitly demands you to pay them attention. You don’t react immediately, but the moment he threatens to swipe the knife away from you, you perk up and set your desire to prepare your fried rice aside.

“(y/n), uh, hi? I’m Bang Chan and I’ll be your new housemate for a year. I hope we can get along.” Chan recites his introduction without any mistakes and earns a way too brotherly pat on the back from Youngjae, considering that they just met this morning. It’s truly amazing how fast Youngjae can get people to warm up to him. 

Chan is stripped out of his weird clothes and instead, looks like he threw on the next best thing lying around in his room. Nonetheless, despite the seemingly little effort that was put into the outfit, it looks oddly good. The stylists didn’t seem to do much to his hair and just parted his bangs a little, so one could catch a slight glimpse of his forehead. It’s just a small detail, but you find yourself liking his current appearance much more appealing than before, though you’re pretty sure his clothes played a major part in your previous distaste. 

“Remember Jihyo?” Youngjae interrupts your train of thought. “She’s Chan’s relative. And because I’m the genuine friend who loves to help her out, I decided to agree to this after she went down on her knees and begged me to let Chan live with us for a while—“

“I’m not interested in your blown up, fictional background stories, thank you very much.” you backtrack. “Wait. Did you say Jihyo? Seriously? Jihyo is his alibi?” Of course, you remember Jihyo. It’s quite difficult to forget her when Youngjae used to swoon about her at every hour of the day, back when they were a thing. Besides, she still stops by every few months.

“C’mon, you have to admit there is a similar vibe between them!” 

You furrow your brows and inspect Chan a second time. Your gaze wanders back to Youngjae and then returns to Chan anew. It’s obvious that the latter is feeling as if he were up for auction and you can’t really blame him for feeling so uncomfortable. You’ve heard from a few friends that if looks could kill, you’d have the highest killing record. 

There’s no similar vibe in your view, but for the sake of entertaining Youngjae’s thoughts: “He does seem similar to Jihyo.”

“Told ya. But back to more important matters,” Youngjae coughs and wraps his arm around your shoulder to pull you closer, but it somehow seems as if he’s opting to strangle you. “My duties are calling, so I won’t be back until late. You look like you could need some help with cooking, by the way. I’m sure Chan right here is willing to help you!”

“I’m almost done though—“ you choke when he tightens his embrace. By now, his arm is no longer hugging your shoulder, but rather crushing your throat.

“You look like you could need some help,” he repeats, this time with added urgency. “It’d be a great opportunity for you to bond since you’ll also share pretty much all classes at uni. Did you know, he has the same major as you! Besides, it’d be a very useful life experience for him if he helped you with cooking.”

“Of course, how fun!” you hiss, voice going an octave higher from the lack of oxygen. “I already said that I’m painfully delighted about that, so you can let me go now, Youngjae!”

A sneer and a jab in his arm later, Youngjae finally takes his leave. That nasty liar, leaving an hour earlier than his schedule stated. You know that silently cursing at him isn’t going to make your problems dissolve because that’d be a dream come true.

“Listen, let me get things straight.” you sigh, picking up the knife to resume chopping your vegetables. Youngjae may have ordered you to act civilized, but having eye contact with Chan when you’ve been starving for the past hour isn’t your priority. Food doesn’t make itself. “I don’t have any intention of getting close to you and I expect the same from you. Don’t step a foot into my room, don’t talk to me unless absolutely necessary, and don’t think I’ll run around and do your chores or cook your meals like one of your little servants. Just because you’re a prince doesn’t mean you’ll be treated like one under this roof.”

“We live in the 21st century, not the renaissance. Your idea of royal families is very dated.” Chan chuckles dryly.

“Baron Yoon Jeonghan from the seven islands is a stuck-up prick and out of touch with the world. It took him several visits to the slums, multiple voluntary hours at the kindergarten, and stripping him off his bank card to make him see reason,” you deadpan. Fuck Baron Jeonghan. Just thinking about your first and last encounter with that entitled douchebag almost makes you slice your finger instead of the bell pepper. “Duchess Yoo Shiah threw a hissy fit when she found out her clothes weren’t dry cleaned and bought from Zara instead of fucking Dior. The one who takes the cake when it comes to privilege is Princess Kim Min—”

“Everyone knows they are problematic,” Chan interjects. True, he has a point. There’s nobody out there who doesn’t know about Baron Jeonghan or Duchess Shiah but he’s also missing the entire point.

“And guess who gets stuck under the care of the RPP?” you raise a brow at him. He blanches at the realization as if he got struck with lightning. Perhaps you should give him more credit because he seems to own more brain cells than Baron Jeonghan. “Exactly. Everyone problematic.” 

Chan’s jaw is clenched as he racks his brain to come up with a smart comeback. The sight of him stumbling on his words is nothing but pitiful, so you turn back to the cutting board and grab an onion to slice in half. “I’m not interested in your sob story, your Highness. I don’t care why you’re under the protection of the RPP. The only thing I care about is that you stay out of my business.”

“Chan is fine. No need for the title,” he sighs with a strain. “Perhaps I should’ve been more considerate with my first comment. Youngjae already told me about your… negative attitude towards the entire setup. It wasn’t my intention to anger you. Sorry.”

Well, that’s new. Out of the dozens of aristocrats you’ve met (and sadly also shared a house with back when you were 16 years old and still living with your dad), he’s the first to drop his title within five minutes for the sake of the disguise and apologize. 

“We live under the same roof so we should get along with each other. If there’s something you need help with, just ask me, (y/n).”

“Thanks for the offer,” you reply nonchalantly because act civilized unless you want to suffer from a late-night sneak attack from Youngjae if he finds out. “But no thanks. I don’t need your help.”

You find yourself in need of help a few weeks later, right before the dreaded exam season.

“No. Forget it, Bam. I’m not going out clubbing with you tonight. In fact, I won’t do that anytime soon.” you let out an exasperated sigh as you try to break down to your friend that you prioritize your grades over his need of getting wasted.

“C’mon!” he whines so loudly that you have to put your phone farther away from your ear. “You’re not in that much stress yet! You have to make the most out of it before you drown in your exams.”

“Things are different for engineering students like, uh, me for example!” you hiss. “I fell behind and need to catch up. Ask Yugyeom or Changbin.”

“First of all, Yugyeom is always at the bar doing his job. And Changbin never picks up his phone. There’s nobody who’d dance with me!”

“You abandoned me at the bar for some chick the last time,” you deadpan. “I’m very sure you’ll find someone.”

Bambam finally gets the gist and gives up. “Fine then. Your loss. Have fun dying in numbers and variables instead of living in the moment. You’re going to regret it—”

You end the call and set your phone on mute before throwing it on the bed. Sometimes you wonder whether you were on drugs when you decided to major in engineering. The longer you stare at the jumble of numbers and letters — some of them in Greek too — the more you think your brain cells are decaying.

That’s how you find yourself in the kitchen, complaining at Youngjae’s expense and telling him how much you’d rather drown in bleach than subjecting yourself to Algebra II. 

“You know there’s someone you can ask for help and he’s right here,” Youngjae drawls before chugging down the rest of his beer. If he’s going to be a victim to your temper tantrum about a major that you chose yourself, he might as well get a drink so he won’t go insane from your monologue about numbers and graphs and formulas he’s forgotten since he graduated from high school.

You gawk at him. “You? Are you hearing yourself? You almost failed maths. Twice!”

“Because I didn’t mean myself, dipshit,” he says blankly and his eyes flit over your shoulder, “Speaking of the devil. There comes the man of honor.”

You whip your head back to the door to see Chan enter confusedly. “Uh, did I interrupt something?”

“Yes.”

“No, we were just talking about you!”

You send Youngjae a death glare which he casually shrugs off. “(y/n) here is bitching about her Statistics I class and needs a tutor!”

“It’s actually Algebra II if you bothered to pay attention—”

“(y/n) needs a tutor!” Youngjae exclaims and nearly trips on his feet when he gets up from his chair. “Channie, I heard you’re good with numbers. Didn’t you get accepted into all Ivy Leagues in the States for all engineering programs?”

“You didn’t have to word it like that,” Chan laughs it off and nervously rubs the back of his head. He’s not denying it though.

“Obviously he would. He’s loaded and lives in a castle,” you mutter under your breath, but everyone catches it.

“Hey,” Youngjae warns. “That wasn’t necessary.”

“It’s alright,” Chan says casually. “I just wanted to get myself a snack. But if you have some questions, don’t hesitate to knock on my door. The offer still stands, y’know.” He digs through the cabinet until he finds two packs of the strawberry flavored Pocky knockoff that is 1) apparently his favorite thing to eat and 2) half the price of the Pocky version. He gives Youngjae a thumbs up before he returns to his room.

The moment Chan is out of sight, Youngjae whips his head to you, nostrils flaring. All that’s missing is steam coming out of his ears and his face running red and then he looks like the impetuous brother in every kids cartoon ever. “Really? He’s been staying with us for how long now? Four weeks? Five? Yet you’re still acting as if he murdered you in your dreams or something.”

“I don’t like him,” you state coldly. Youngjae looks like he’s about to rip his hair out.

“Look, I get that you don’t like me being active in this field of work, and I get that you have some hatred against the royal families. But you know you signed up for this when you decided to move in with me.” Youngjae pauses to get a breather and pop a new beer bottle open. “Besides, Chan isn’t like Baron Jeonghan or Duchess Shiah. I have eyes, (y/n), and I’ve seen you two avoiding each other as much as possible. And he doesn’t just laze around — he does the fucking chores and cooks dinner too! Chan is good, (y/n).”

The last words make you snap. “Good? Are you fucking serious? Because that’s why the press in his kingdom is depicting him as a tyrant who cares more about building his sick harem instead of helping the poor. And wasn’t he diagnosed for having anger management issues?!”

All the color leaves Youngjae’s face. This is obviously something you shouldn’t know. While he’s scrambling for words, you take the chance to add, “Dunno why you’re protecting him when he’s making headlines as a prince who can’t keep his dick in his pants.”

“Chan isn’t just a prince,” Youngjae says quietly. “He’s the crown prince.”

Your eyes widen at the confession. “What? Isn’t that even worse with that reputation he has?”

“It’s all propaganda,” he sighs and takes a swig, “The ministers are doing everything they can to finish him off. You see, Chan is the only child of the current king of the seven islands, and if he’s wiped out, it’ll be utter chaos. Chan’s smart and I admit, he used to have anger issues, but he’s worked on them. Though I guess he’s resorted to bottling up his feelings when push comes to pull. The point is, all the higher-ups don’t want him as their future king because they know that Chan is very much capable of pulling through with his own ideas and that doesn’t sit well with them. And a supposedly impulsive future king is the last thing anyone wants, hence why his people are eating up the news.”

“Oh.” you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel an ounce of remorse. However, it’s not the first time you’ve heard such stories. 

“Yeah. Oh,” Youngjae mocks, “If that’s the main reason why you don’t want to talk to him, now you know better. He might have power, but he’s not a monster. And for the record, he got into all Ivy Leagues and elite schools all over the world through his intelligence, not his status.”

Although you can see it in his eyes that Youngjae is done with the heated discussion, he’s still waiting for you to say something. You frown. “So… you think he’s a good tutor?”

“He’s your only shot.” Youngjae says nonchalantly, then adds with a warning tone, “But remember: Act. Civilized. Oh, and don’t tell him I told you about his circumstances. It’s supposed to be confidential information.”

You roll your eyes. How the fuck hasn’t Youngjae been busted yet?

Nonetheless, you’re trudging to Chan’s door a few minutes later, your fat binder of incomprehensible math formulas and (Greek) letter heavy in your arm. Chan opens the door with surprise etched on his face after you knocked, but it settles to warmth when you begrudgingly ask him to help you understand Algebra II. 

“Sorry, it’s a little messy here,” he chuckles airily once he lets you in. It’s not messy per se, just a few clothes piled up in a corner of the room and some books and messily written notes lying on his bed. Still, it’s by far cleaner than the pig stall that is Youngjae’s room (and yours when you’re having a very bad day).

Chan clears his desk and drags his other chair to the table before plopping down on it. “So, what’s the problem?” Instead of answering, you just shove a sheet of paper up his face. “Y’know, you can talk to me. If this is about earlier, it’s really alright. I’m not mad or anything,” he says with the same friendly tone you’ve been hearing ever since he moved in, yet he still takes the sheet from you. You watch his brows scrunch together the more he reads on, and you can already see the question forming in his mind.

“(y/n), you do know this is the basis to understand—”

“I was absent when the professor covered it and everyone I asked couldn’t quite explain it to me,” you respond before he can finish speaking out his thoughts. “All my friends were like—” you gesture with your hands, “—you just do this and that and then hope your hunch is right. Before you say it, yes I know that I don’t get the material of one entire unit and the exam is two weeks away.”

“Then let’s not waste any time,” Chan says before grabbing his iPad. You stare at him blankly as he writes something on his tablet. The last thing you expected from him was to accept it and try to hammer as much of missing information as he can into your brain, but then again, you’ve never seen him backtrack whenever Youngjae asks him something. Speaking of Youngjae, perhaps he is right. Chan does seem to know what he’s talking about.

“You have to subtract X first, then replace it with Y,” he explains as he circles said letters in different colors. By now, you’ve leaned closer to him to get a better view on what he’s writing (his handwriting isn’t the worst you’ve ever had to decode; refer to Youngjae who you’ve internally awarded with the worst handwriting of the decade). 

Chan is exceptionally good at explaining. You feel like you’ve figured out a secret of the world that not even Pythagoras found out as you slowly understand what on Earth you are supposed to calculate with the formula. Chan is patient, always asking if you got it or if you needed another clarification, and takes the time to draw colorful graphs to visualize the jumble of numbers. His voice is pleasing to the ear too, soft and gentle to the point where you’ve blurred everything out except Chan. Chan’s voice. Chan’s hand.

You didn’t mean to stare, but with him always adding something new every five seconds as he goes on with his monologue, you can’t help but do so. His fingers aren’t long — that’ll always be courtesy of Hyunjin from Subway and yes, his very pretty hands might be the sole reason you only insist on going to that one specific Subway at the intersection next to KFC — but just one glance at Chan’s hand and you know that he’s strong. 

He’s barely applying pressure to the pen, but you can see the veins slightly protruding. Chan’s sleeves are pushed back and if you move your head a bit, you’re more than certain that veins are bulging out from his forearms too. However, you don’t muster up the courage to do that because Chan will definitely notice and the last thing you want on your platter is to tell him that you were too busy checking out his arms instead of listening to him talk about Algebra II.

Eventually, Chan sets the pen down to stretch his hand. He says something, but you don’t pick up what exactly. Not that it’d matter much anyway since you’re too busy admiring his hand—

“(y/n), you there? I called out your name several times but you didn’t react.” Chan’s breath hitches and surprise flashes in his eyes for a split second when his gaze meets yours. You don’t understand his hesitation, but then horror bubbles in you once you realize that his hand is firmly gripping your chin and keeping your head pointed at his direction. The very same hand you’ve been staring at for God knows how long. 

“I’m good. Just a little tired, but I’m good,” you stutter, though it comes out very breathlessly as if you just finished a marathon.

“Tired?” Chan echoes, concern settling into his features. “You should’ve said so, then I would’ve stopped talking. You need something?”

Now that you think about it, you’ve never got a close look at Chan. Sure, he’s handsome, the countless pictures of Google prove that he’s also too photogenic for his own good (goddamnit, why didn’t your parents make you just as photogenic?) but in person, he’s something else. His lips are plush and look very inviting to kiss, and the lower your eyes wander, the more you see a toned chest hidden underneath that damn shit that hugs him in all the right places.

Fine, his hands aren’t the only attractive thing about him. Then again, he’s a prince.

“I said I’m good.” you snap out of your thoughts and finally gather enough control over your nerves to tear his hand away. “And I caught everything you said.” Of course, you know that’s a blatant lie and he knows so too from the way he’s looking at you. That is until he quirks a brow.

“Okay, then what did I say before I called you?”

Your mouth feels dry. It’s almost as if he knew the reason for your distress. “I caught everything relevant to this,” you mutter, suddenly finding his curtains much more interesting. What an interesting design, maybe you should get yourself new curtains too—

“Then you wouldn’t mind solving these questions, right? Just so I can make sure that you got everything down.”

“Sure,” you reply because that’s the only thing you could say without hurting your ego and straining your vocal cords. Chan doesn’t comment any further and looks for some practice questions before sliding the iPad to you. Already the first question makes your head spin in disdain. Numbers? Variables? Never heard of them.

Chan is watching you like a hawk as you fiddle with the pen, unable to write down anything that makes remote sense. Feeling his eyes on you makes you feel helpless and you shift around in your seat. “What are you staring at?” you glare at him once you give up for good, and you just hope that your look is as intimidating as you pictured in your head.

“You’re definitely exhausted. You’re shaking,” Chan points out. Your eyes widen as you stare down and realize that your thighs are shaking, and it’s then and there when you realize that you’re feeling hot. Seems like Chan doesn’t realize that because the worry written on his face is genuine. “You say the exam’s in two weeks right? We can stop for today and work on this tomorrow. That is if you still want my help.”

You nod and add in a tiny voice, “Yes, please.”

You’re too busy ignoring the heat building between your thighs to notice the borderline feral sound that leaves Chan.

“And here I thought you had quality bonding time.” Youngjae gives a disappointed look. “You’re acting even colder towards him than before your exam meltdown. Your prick level can only stoop down so low.”

You ended up getting tutor lessons from Chan every day before the dreaded day of judgment: the exam in Algebra II. You spent more hours in his room than on your own if you were completely honest, and the results were fruitful. While you did manage to pass the exam with a fairly high score, the price you had to pay was hell.

It’s almost as if Chan caught up on your hand fixation. Sometimes he twirled the pen in his fingers, sometimes it was the simple bracelet dangling on his wrist. Just when you thought he had you figured out, he asks you if you’re alright, visibly oblivious to his effect on you. Such duality in a person should be illegal, you conclude. If you die from whiplash, you know who the perpetrator is.

“You were the one who pretty much pressured me into asking him for help,” you drawl.

“I had good intentions only! You can’t keep up the I-hate-royal-families-blah-blah mentality the entire time!” Youngjae wails before stuffing a handful of chips in his mouth.

“Watch me.” You internally cringe at the loud crunching sounds he’s making and add vigorously, “And stop chewing so loudly.”

“You’ll get around or so help me God—” he groans when his phone buzzes. He doesn’t spare a glance at the caller ID because there’s only one person who has set his ringtone to the baby shark song specifically for when he’s calling. “I gotta go, Jinyoung’s being a bitch again. Don’t murder somebody. Thanks.” You only watch him shuffle for his bag and grab a handful of chips before he’s out the door. Groaning, you clean up the mess he’s made on the table. 

Just as you’re done wiping the crumbs off the surface, Chan pads into the room. 

“Hey, can we talk?”

“I established right at the beginning that you should only talk to me when absolutely necessary.” you scowl, trying to walk past him.

“Well, this is important,” he urges and blocks the doorway, effectively stopping you from fleeing. “And I do deserve one conversation with you after I helped you out.”

“You offered on your own. That’s not the same as asking for a favor.” You successfully push your way past him, but in the next moment, he spins you around and pins you against the wall. 

“We’re going to talk, whether you like it or not.” The sudden coldness of his tone has shivers running down your spine. Chan holds your wrist in an iron grip and if he clutched on any tighter, you wouldn’t put it past him to break your bones. Out of options, you comply and give him a curt nod before he lets go and takes a step back. 

“I don’t understand you, (y/n). I genuinely thought you would put your prejudices aside but instead, all I get are mixed signals from you.”

It’s your turn to gawk. “Me? Mixed signals? What are you talking about?” 

“I’m talking about how you keep looking at me as if you want me to fuck your brains out.” If the color hasn’t drained from your face yet, it has now. Chan smiles wickedly at your horrified reaction but doesn’t stop there. “I’m talking about how you talk like you don’t want anything to do with me but act as if you’re begging for my attention.” He takes a step closer to you, and you wish you could morph with the wall. “I’m talking about how you keep staring at my hands and think I don’t notice it.” You wince when he rests his hands against the wall on each side of your face, leaning closer so that you can feel his breath on your lips. “So, you have a thing for my hands?” Bullseye.

“You’re so full of yourself. No wonder your ministers want to get rid of you,” you snap because you’d rather suffer from food poisoning than admitting that you want Chan’s fingers in you.

Something shifts within Chan. He gapes at you, clearly not expecting you to even know about the ministers. His demeanor darkens in a blink of an eye, and you feel like your legs are about to give up on you when you meet his eyes, black and feral.

“You’re playing with fire. Don’t anger me,” he warns, voice low and rough.

“So it’s true that you resorted to bottling up your feelings, your Highness?” you cock your head to the side. Chan clenches his jaw at the mention of his title, struggling to keep his anger in check. You laugh through your nose, then grab one of his hands and force it away from the wall. If he already knows that you’re thirsting after him, might as well go for it. “It’s funny how your ministers aren’t able to string you around like a puppet yet here you are, unable to do anything against a commoner. You know you have nice hands and you know my weakness and yet, you’re not using them on me.” He gulps when you fumble with his fingers. 

And then he understands.

“Unless I misread the situation,” he says darkly, though you distinguish the slight tremor his voice carries. “Do you really want this? I’m not going to go easy on you.” Chan is dead serious, judging by the way he’s looking at you expectantly. 

“The safe word is petunia.” You don’t take your eyes off him and add in a louder tone, “Now try me, do your worst.”

“You’re going to regret wanting me at my worst,” Chan growls and before you know it, he crashes his lips against yours. The kiss is anything but sweet, more of a clash of teeth and tongues and saliva dribbling down your chins, yet it leaves you boiling hot and wobbly on your feet. He presses you up against the wall and forces his leg between yours, the sudden contact making you hunch forward. You moan against his mouth when he tugs harshly on your hair, the sting making your nerves go haywire. In the meantime, your hands roam his upper body, blunt nails digging into his shoulders as you try to buck your hips against his leg. While he doesn’t budge, you manage to elicit a groan out of him.

When you pull away, you’re both gasping for air. Chan’s hair is disheveled from the way you’ve been pulling on them, lips pink and glossy. One look in his eyes is enough to make your heart stop beating. They’re dark and animalistic and set ablaze with unfiltered lust. You’re such in a daze from a simple kiss that you nearly stumble when Chan drags you to his room.

He manhandles you on his bed with ease before his lips latch on yours once more. You nearly sob when he rids you off your pants, putting pressure in all the right places to have you losing your mind. As you’re about to gain back some dominance in the kiss, he breaks it off. His fingers that were once ghosting over your underwear are now tracing patterns all over the material, making you spasm. “You’re such a brat, all bark but no bite. All it takes is one kiss and you’ve lost all your fight. Can you get any more pathetic?” he mocks as he focuses his fingertips directly on the wet patch of your underwear. Your eyes roll back as he rubs on the same spot, the broken moans leaving you eerily similar to cries. “Don’t tell me you’re about to come like this. How sensitive are you?”

“Am n-not—” you cut yourself off with a whimper when he lets the waistband snap against your skin.

“Yeah, you sure about that?” he grins and that’s when you break, feeling your high approaching at lightning speed. 

“Don’t wanna come like this—” 

“But I thought you’re not sensitive?” the satisfied grin just widens with every syllable that leaves his lips. “If you don’t want to come like this, all over your underwear, beg.” 

Chan applies even more force to your sensitive spots, and you struggle to have a clear thought. The smirk he delivers is lethal, and you couldn’t be any more convinced that he’s the devil’s incarnate.

“I’ll do anything, please. Don’t let me come like this, that’s all I’m a-aah-asking for,” you weep, your blood nearly boiling at its climax, “I’ll even take a punishment!”

“Say my name,” he orders, fingers still drawing circles.

“Your—”

“My name, not my title.”

Your breath hitches as you finally realize what he’s aiming for. He wants you to remember that it’s him who’s reducing you into this illiterate mess. Him, the one you’ve been despising since before you even met. If you still had any ounce of dignity left, you’d try to fix the power imbalance until you’re left with no choice but to obey, but now you’re so close and the last thing you want to do is come with your pants on.

“Please, Chan,” your voice breaks towards the end and in an instant, he pulls away. As you’re letting you’re basking in the break from his brutal tempo, not too affected by how your upcoming orgasm is fading away, Chan observes you.

And then out of nowhere, he flips you on your stomach and delivers a hard smack to your ass that has you screaming into the pillows.

“You said you’d take any punishment too, right?” You twitch as he rubs the small of your back. You can already imagine the handprints on your ass he continued to slap you with such force that has you moving up the bed. The pain that’s going to haunt you for days. Before you know it, you try to arch your back to lift your ass, but then the bed shifts. “But if you really think I’m going to spank you as a punishment, then you’re really fucking dumb. As if I’ll use my hands on you when we both know you love my hands.”

With that, he drops himself on his chair, spreading his legs that you can see the prominent tent forming in his pants. He orders you over with a flick of his finger, and just as you get up from the bed, a new wave of horror flushes over you.

“Crawl.”

The look you send him is priceless. There’s no fucking way you can do it. It’s just a few meters, nothing you can’t handle, but he’s there sitting on his Ikea swivel chair as if it’s his throne made of gold, watching your every movement like a predator. And then there’s you, only in a shirt and underwear, being forced to go on all fours as if you were his fucking dog—

The difference in power display couldn’t get any more visible. He really is the fucking worst.

“You’d really do anything, huh…” he muses as you drop on your hands and knees and crawl to him, never looking up. It’s only when he beckons you to stand up that you look at him with nothing but rage and shame in your eyes. Chan has always been slightly terrified with your death stare but right now, he can’t take it seriously and it shows. It shows in the way he smiles lopsidedly, in the way his brows quirk in amusement. “Now hump my leg.”

Humiliation runs through your body all over. Your fists are clenched as he waits for you to act, even pats his thigh in case you didn’t get the memo. But oh you do, and his thigh does look inviting.

“Hump my leg like the brainless bitch you are. If you want my hands or my cock, you earn it first. Especially since you treated me like shit ever since I moved in.” The last sentence burns you badly because he has a point. But then there’s the prospect of his hands and dick that’s bulging out of his pants. 

Pushing all thoughts away, you settle on his leg. Taking a moment to gather yourself, you tell yourself it’s all good and then you move. The first thrust knocks all air out of your lungs and you grab onto his shoulders for support. You didn’t even move that much, but Chan’s looking at you as if he’s about to fucking devour you and knowing that he is very much capable of moving you around, you’re starting to become overwhelmed.

Eventually, you lose yourself in the feeling of his rough jeans against your drenched underwear, humping on his thigh as your orgasm builds up. It’s silent, save for your pants, and the countless whimpers flying past your lips as your movements gradually become sloppier. You’re almost there and you know it. But so does Chan, and the moment he’s got it figured out, he lunges from your hips and forces you to pick up the pace. 

“Oh no, you’re going to come,” he growls, ignoring your pleas and sobs. Adrenaline courses in your blood and you know it isn’t long until you fall apart. You try to make him stop, even put your hands on his, but you don’t have the energy to actively push him away.

“Chan, please— I’m gonna—”

“You’re gonna come? Then fucking come on my thigh, (y/n),” he snaps, and then adds, “You hear that? You’re about to come from humping my thigh.”

Maybe it’s the realization that he’s right, maybe it’s the way he’s worded it. Either way, it’s the last straw to make you spasm as you come, soaking your underwear and even managing to make a mess out of his pants. Chan makes sure you ride through your orgasm, only stopping to move your hips once you’re all spent and resting your head on his shoulder. Your eyes are glassy, vision foggy, but the only thing you can envision clearly is Chan.

Chan jolts when your hand grazes over his bulge. You’re about to undo his pants, but he’s quick to stop you and restrict your hands behind your back.

“You think you deserve my cock? Dream on. As if I would fuck any commoner, especially those who don’t respect me,” he spits, and you flinch at his choice of words, clearly recalling that you used the exact same terms and he’s now using it against you. “You said you’d take any punishment. Well, guess what? This was just punishment number one.”

[rigelmejo]

So while I’m not fond of Peppa Pig, I do find this discussion interesting. And it did make me go check if I could follow Peppa Pig (I can, easily, I know most of the words if not all - though I’m watching without subs so I might miss a little bit). 

*This is a show that WAS recommended to me, if you want to watch a simple show for kids that’s easy to comprehend - 大头儿子和小头爸爸 (and it is cute, it reminds me a little of Arthur and shows I watched when I was little)  : https://youtu.be/bpO2W9Xaigc

Ok back to Peppa Pig discussion, of all things lol.

So on reddit, someone was discussing how they’d been studying chinese 8 months and still could not understand Peppa Pig. I found the discussion between everyone very interesting. All I really think on my end is like? I also could not understand Peppa Pig (or any shows super well) that early on so it is partly a matter of “you just gotta study chinese for a while.” (The reddit discussion: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChineseLanguage/comments/mk4665/fed_up_with_my_poor_chinese/ )

But also? I am a big believer in “it gets easier the more you practice.” So if you want to do something in a language, try to DO it. And try to keep doing it - because partly yes, you will likely realize you need to learn more words/grammar and the ‘doing’ may just be a catalyst to ‘make you study more’ so that next time you try to DO you know more and its easier. But also, doing it involves building the skills of getting USED to listening, used to recognizing words you studied in a different context, getting used to recognizing and understanding grammar in real time instead of on a delay (like in a textbook when you can slow down and really look at something and figure it out) etc. So partly, how ‘easy’ it is to read or listen has to just do with how often you’ve done it. Have you done it enough that the parts you HAVE studied you can grasp immediately? Or have you done it so little that even things you ‘studied’ don’t click right away - but they might on a rewatch or if you pause and read a subtitle slower, replay a line, etc. The part of the skills you pick up by DOING you really have to just... do to get better.

I found a few responses from people who are years into studying chinese and still find Peppa Pig difficult. And I think in that case, it might be the same situation as my japanese was (studied for 2 years and could still barely read a manga for bare gist). I think partly at that point, lack of understanding has to do with not practicing understanding by Doing. Someone who’s studied a couple years, likely knows a few thousands words+? If they practiced listening or reading regularly for a few months, they’d likely see a TON of improvement. Because they probably ‘learned’ a lot already they just need to develop stronger skills to comprehend what they studied when engaging with shows/audios/novels etc. And if they just ‘wait’ to engage with material until it feels ‘easy’ they may be unnecessarily holding themselves back. Because a major part of ‘why’ it might feel difficult is simply that they don’t practice the skills of USING what they learned. If they practice more, it will get easier. But if they wait to immerse until ‘easy stuff FEELS easy’ when they first try? Then they aren’t challenging themselves nearly as much as they can probably handle...

Like? I’m not that good. I still only kinda comprehend a LOT of things. But that doesn’t stop me from watching chinese dramas I wanna watch in chinese only. And I think a big reason I can comprehend ENOUGH now to follow the plots of shows I wanna watch? Is because when i was 8 months, 10 months, 12 months into learning - i would watch 12 minutes and look up lots of unknown words, or watch an episode and pause to read hard sentences, or make myself watch when i ‘just’ got the gist of an ‘easier’ show and hope that the more i did it the more i’d understand. And somehow, that did work out. (Also it motivated me to keep studying new words in other activities lol, hoping that would make watching easier). Now I’m at a point where i can turn on new shows I want to watch, and watch them, and follow the main gist and pick up some details. Its nice. Its nice and its getting a bit easier each time i do it. And if i had ‘waited’ until ‘easy stuff’ like Peppa Pig was easy? Or until stuff like “Granting You A Dreamlike Life” was easy? I probably would not comprehend this much right now. I tried to watch gyadl like 8 months in and it was pretty rough... even rougher because i only paused a handful of times an episode to make things go faster. But now? When i watch a show ‘about that hard’ that’s mostly slice of life? I can pick up a ton more easily than before. Doing the ‘hard’ thing eventually made it easier. 

So if there’s anything I think about all it, its just... don’t be afraid to challenge yourself sometimes. Sometimes doing hard things makes the ‘easier’ things finally Actually easier. And sometimes waiting until you can ‘understand’ the easy things means just never trying the easy things - when its trying and doing, that will eventually MAKE them doable for you. At least that’s advice to myself ToT I wasted a ton of time in japanese when I didn’t do this, and helped myself a lot in chinese by doing this. I also did it with french even though i wasn’t really aware what i was doing back then.

Some links:

Peppa Pig in mandarin (let me know how much YOU can follow an episode! - if you can... sit through one): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1dhSMSAXxI

Konglongmandarin - a site that teaches mandarin utilizing Peppa Pig episodes. Which, while I do not like that cartoon much, I really appreciate the concept behind this site and its lessons. And I think its a really cool way of making comprehensible input lessons (which I think are a quite easy and Direct way to teach things that click well with my learning style and probably some other peoples’). I am checking the site out currently: https://www.konglongmandarin.com/lessons/

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER IN MANDARIN - its on WeTV! I didn’t know that! It’s all just free to watch so like?!! I guess I’m doing a rewatch! The downside is these have no subs. The upside is I guess it makes good listening practice since you can’t rely on reading skills. Also, if you’ve watched atla before like me, then you likely have enough context already you should be able to follow what’s going on and pick up some new words: https://v.qq.com/x/cover/m0t0ud0mjg6td5t/v00225ojbpd.html

Again 大头儿子和小头爸爸 - its a show that was recommended to me by a language partner, and its good if you want a show for kids to practice comprehensible input with (I find it a lot more nice to watch then peppa pig but that’s just my preference): https://youtu.be/bpO2W9Xaigc

Two Souls in One - a cdrama I’m watching right now, its really good! Its only in chinese subs rn but I imagine youku plans to english sub it since its on youtube. Its magical premise mixed with mundane reality, a lot of fun identity and gender shenanigans. At my comprehension level its reasonably easy to follow - since most of its slice of life or actor-genre lingo. I think for most people who know 1k-2k common words this should be very doable to watch (just like Granting You A Dreamlike Life was doable to watch and follow the gist of). https://youtu.be/zaX2pdVpmUY

[gamemakings]

Devlog 7: Skills to get the kills

It's been a busy and weird week, and I haven't had much time to dedicate to the project. Still, I'm commited to the weekly devlog, so how about another design deep dive?

This time I want to talk about my favourite thing to design in the game: skills!

In a nutshell, everything that you can do in combat is a skill, from using magic to attacking and defending. You can also acquire passive skills, which are always active and grant different bonuses under certain situations.

Because they're very easy to code, modify and test, I enjoy making a lot of them, trying them out, and simply discarding or reworking what doesn't work. Over time, I've made a few rules and devised questions to ask when designing skills to try to keep the gameplay rules consistent and combat fun and challenging.

Is it fun?

Obviously one of the most critical questions. Each skill must have something going for it that's fun. Skills that are too simple or have no interactions are not fun. Skills that require cracking out the calculator or slow combat down are also not fun.

Is it understandable?

One of my golden rules for designing any gameplay mechanic is that it should be easily understood at a glance, and skills are no exception.

To achieve this, I always try to make skills have only 2 effects, or 3 at most for some of the more complicated skills. These effects also have to be fairly straightforward, involving as few numbers as possible and being very obvious and simple with their results and requirements.

Finally, I always make sure the description says exactly how it works without getting bogged down in specifics. If the description requires more than two sentences to explain its effects, then that's a sure sign the skill needs to be simplified or split into two.

Is there already a skill that does the same?

If another skill fills the same niche as this one, or is a more/less powerful version of this skill, then why does this one exist? Having multiple skills that do the same thing makes each of them be less special and makes choices overall less interesting.

Does it encourage a different kind of play?

If you keep playing exactly the same way after acquiring this skill, then what is its point? I try to make skills work better in or reward different gameplay styles, so combat does not become stale between runs or when getting the same encounter multiple times each run.

What is it good or weak against?

Having the same solution for every problem quickly becomes boring. This question is intimately related to encounter design, and arguably more important there, but the gist is: it's good to try to make the skill good against one kind of encounter but weak against other kinds. For example, a hit-all-enemies skill is good against groups, but much weaker in fights against a simple enemy.

Does it have interesting interactions?

One of the most critical aspects of modern roguelike and RPG design is making your tools have interactions between themselves that make them more effective, allowing the player to get creative and get rewarded for their efforts. To achieve this with skills, I try to think of a couple of ways it could interact with other skills you may have when designing them, but also make its rules and effects as generalised as possible so other unforeseen interactions become possible.

In conclusion:

I put a lot of thought into the design of skills, because it lies at the core of the combat loop, which lies at the core of the gameplay loop in turn. It requires a lot of work, a lot of testing, and tossing aside a lot of stuff to find the best ones for the game, but it's also a very fun and gratifying process when it goes right.

[writing-with-olive]

Character Development

When it comes to developing characters for a story, a lot of the questionaires and other prompts have a lot to do with what characters look like: what's their weight? what's their hight? eye color? Favorite color? The thing is, none of these things are usually going to help when it comes to making fleshed out and rounded characters - the ones readers will root for. The reason why is looks don't compare against who a character is on the inside. What are their motivations? Why? Where do their little quirks come from? These are the things that make a character memorable.

When it comes to creating dynamic characters, this is the process I usually default to, adapted from indie author Jenna Moreci. All of the catagories belore are intertwined, which will be broken down as well. The beauty of this method is that you don't have to have everything fleshed out from the get-go. Even if you only have one or two details, you can use this to build that into a whole dynamic character.

The main points you want to get by the time you’re done are:

their backstory/life experience

social role

motivation described in 1-2 words

three strengths/three weaknesses

what the perfect novel ending is for your character

why that’s the perfect end

what your character’s underlying need is

(This has been one of my longest posts in a while, so I’ve put all of the questions below the break)

1) What's their backstory/life experience?

Basically, this is where I bullet-point big life events. Brainstorming isn't always chronological, but for easy reference, when I put this information into my spreadsheet, I put it in the order it all happened. Basically, summarizing their life up until the events of the story in about ten to twenty short sentences.

What this influences:

(Basically EVERYTHING)

Social Role: What types of experience have they had that will influence where they fall in social circles?

Basic motivation: What aspects of their life experience have shaped the backbone of your character's goals?

Strengths/weaknesses: What life experiences have taught them well (strengths)? What life experiences have they not had, creating weaknesses?

Ideal ending: What is a hole in their life that has not been filled that they want filled?

Ending reason: What have they promised themselves they will get out of completing their goal?

Need: What aspect of your character's life has been neglected, at least for a long time?

How to come up with your backstory:

If you've already gotten other aspects of your character down, think about what types of life experience would be needed to justify their ideals, thoughts, and actions. Given that life experience pretty much affects everything, you can refer back to the questions listed above.

2) What's their social role?

This is not the same thing as plot role (mc, love interest, etc). Instead, this is a one to two word description of who they are in relationship to other characters. This can be fairly archetypical. For example, your character might be the leader or bully. Compared to other questions, this is in my mind, less important, but it can be helpful when picking which tropes you want or don't want to include.

What this influences:

Strengths/weaknesses: what aspects of this role allow your character to flourish and develop strengths? What aspects of this role bring your character down and create weaknesses?

How to come up with their social role:

Life experience: What roles have they filled thus far? Did they fit well in those roles? Are they trying to maintain them, or are they trying to escape them?

Strengths/weaknesses: What social roles would make sense for your character's strengths and weaknesses? (This one's going to have less influence, as there are plenty of roles someone can get forced into, such as leadership, even if they don't actually qualify for it.)

3) What is their motivation in one or two words?

This is pretty much the simplest, most boiled down view of their motivation. It also will help to give a basic insight into what their character is. For example, they might be motivated by vengeance, or sense of duty. Pretty much, look at what they want, and boil it down to its bare essentials. Like the social role, this won't offer a ton of insight, but it can be useful for coming up with tropes and themes you want to use and avoid.

What this influences:

Ideal ending: how can the basic motivation, which is more of a concept, translate into a tangeable goal?

How to come up with their basic motivation:

Life experience: What aspects of their life has shaped their ideals to the point that they are motivated by them?

Strengths/Weaknesses: how can one or more of the given strengths yield themselves toward motivating your character (for example, if they've got empathy, maybe they're motivated by a sense of duty)? What weaknesses, when taken too far, can create a hole that your character feels they must fill (for example, if they have a lot of insecurity, maybe they're motivated by perfectionism)?

Ideal ending: what is the most boiled down version of the ideal ending? What is the driving force behind it?

Ending reason: what aspects of their reasoning point toward an underlying motivation archetype?

Need: how can their underlying need transform into motivation?

4) What are three strengths, and three weaknesses?

The key to creating balanced characters in terms of strengths and weaknesses is to make sure that you list just enough to get the gist, but you don't go overboard on either. For each character, list exactly three strengths and three weaknesses, and make sure that none of them are too similar to each other. Some examples might be: intelligent, athletic, abrasive, entitled, etc.

What this influences:

Social Role: what role or roles is your character going to gravitate toward, based on their strengths and weaknesses?

Motivation: how do these strengths and weaknesses transform into basic forms of motivation?

Ideal ending: what are your character's weaknesses stopping your character from achieving? What do they think they're capable of getting?

Ending reason: how do your character's strengths and weaknesses affect their reasoning when coming up with a goal?

How to come up with strengths and weaknesses:

Life Experience: what aspects of their life experience would have taught your character strengths? What deficiencies would have created weaknesses?

Social role: what strengths and weaknesses might your character develop based on their social role? Which ones are going to be the most apparent?

Need: what strengths would someone who has this need probably pick up? What weakness perpetuate it?

5) If everything turned out perfectly for this character, how would the novel end?

This is basically what the character's goal is. What does your character want to happen by the end of the book? This does not yet go into what they'd do to get it, just their wish. Keep it simple. What is ONE THING? Any more than that and things start to get convoluted.

What this influences:

Motivation: how can this ending be condenced to its simplest form? What is the motivation behind wanting this thing?

Ending reason: why do your characters want this?

Need: what does this thing appear to be fulfilling (even if it doesn't actually)?

How to come up with ideal ending:

Life experience/backstory: what's something they've never had that they want? Or, what's something they used to have that they want back?

Motivation: what is a tangeable manifestation of their base motivation?

Need: how does your character think they can fulfill their needs?

6) Why do your characters want their chosen ending?

This is their rational explanation for their goal. What is it that caused your characters do decide this was the perfect ending?

What this influences:

Motivation: what does your character believe they're trying to do?

Need: what need are they trying to fulfill, even if they don't know it?

How to come up with ending reason:

Life experience/backstory: what aspects of their life experience lead them to believe their goal is what they want?

Strengths/weaknesses: how do your character's strengths and weaknesses inform their reasoning? How do they cloud it or twist it?

Ideal ending: what makes your character want their ideal ending? What do they think they'll get out of it?

7) What need are they trying to fulfill?

This is something your character may not know specifically, but it impacts a lot of their decisions. Basically, this is going to be the thing that they are trying to fulfill throught the story, even if they don't go about it in any productive way. For some juicy conflict, you can make your character's need and goal/ideal ending contradict each other in practice, causing your character to make plot-driving decisions.

What this influences:

Motivation: how can their need motivate your character? What does that motivation look like?

Strengths/weaknesses: what strengths has your character developed to cover up their need? what weaknesses does your character's need perpetuated?

Ideal ending: what type of ending does your character believe will help to satisfy their needs, even if they don't know what their needs are? Or, what type of ending will help them survive without meeting their needs?

How to come up with a character need:

Backstory/life experience: what aspect of your character's being has been long neglected?

Ideal ending: what needs can that goal meet? or, what needs can be covered up by achieving that goal?

Ending reason: what needs does your character think they're meeting?

Hopefully this is helpful for coming up with dynamic characters!

[straycat-writes]

don’t ever come back (mafia!dazai osamu)

summary: When it comes to Mori, Dazai can just never seem to win.

warning(s): guns, manipulation, (slight) intimidation, Ougai Mori being the sadistic fuck that he is

Dazai had always hated this place, this room that Mori called his office. It always felt too much like a hospttal, too much like death, too much like Mori. Even the walls felt saturated with his cold and deathly calm presence, and that was the most terrifying thing of all. Even now, as he stood in front of the desk, Mori’s steely eyes digging into his skin like icicles, Dazai felt suffocated. He wanted to bolt, to turn and run away and never come back, or better yet, just disappear altogether. But he knew he could do neither of those things.

Dazai had been careless. He had made a mistake, a gross miscalculation, and now he was going to pay the price for it. He simultaneously cursed and laughed at his own recklessness, at how he had allowed himself to relax, to think that Mori wouldn’t find out. It sounded ridiculous to him in hindsight, because Mori always found out. That’s just how it had always been. Dazai would find the smallest, slightest flicker of hope buried somewhere in his world of grey, and Mori would immediately snuff it out. Dazai was his best weapon after all, and he needed to keep his best weapon sharp and…uncompromised.

Everything Dazai had ever loved, Mori had burnt to the ground with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face. Over time, he had stopped trying at all, because what’s the point if whatever excuse for happiness he had scraped together was just going to be ripped from his hands anyway? And yet…

And yet, he had gone ahead and deluded himself that for once, just this once, he was allowed to take the love, the care and affection being given to him without feeling guilty or apprehensive. As if everything didn’t come at a price. Spoiler alert: it does, and now they were both going to pay for it.

Dazai clenched his jaw, nails digging painfully into his palms. Mori was saying something to him, but amidst the chaos in his mind, he could only make out a few fragments. Lying…don’t need…get rid…weakness. Even though his voice sent shudders of cold discomfort through his spine, Dazai knew him well enough to get the gist of what he was saying. It’s not fair, he wanted to scream, except when had anything ever been fair when it came to Mori? You can’t do this were the next words that came to mind, but that was a lie too. Mori could do whatever he wanted.

“Well?” his voice felt like a bucket of ice-cold water being dumped on Dazai’s head, breaking him out of his reverie, “Can you?”

Dazai scowled to himself. That’s right, Mori had asked him a question. No…that’s not it. Question would imply that he actually had a choice, and Dazai was much too clever to believe that. Mori had a way of framing his orders in a manner that gave people the illusion of choice where none existed. It was a dirty trick, but one Dazai was too familiar with to fall for.

He leaned back in his chair with a sigh, narrowing his eyes and steepling his fingers below his chin, “It’s a simple enough question, Dazai. You say you don’t care about her, so you shouldn’t have any trouble going through with this…right?”

Dazai’s mind was racing, so fast that he was almost having trouble keeping up with it. His head hurt. There’s really no way out of this, is there? If he says no, Mori would simply get someone else to do it. If he says yes, well…At this point, he wasn’t sure which option was worse.

And then, something flipped inside his head like a switch, and his eyes widened. What had he been thinking? How could he think there was ever another way? …I should it. He’s right, he’s right, he’s always right and I’m always wrong and there’s no other way and –

Mori smiled as he watched Dazai turn and walk away wordlessly, a dazed and empty expression on his face. And even though he had never got around to actually answering the question, Mori knew he had won.

Dazai found her just where he had expected to: on a bar stool at Lupin, trying to get drunk after a long day. With Chuuya, of all people. Dazai frowned when he spotted the short redhead sitting beside her, deep in conversation. She laughed when he said something particularly amusing, and took a sip of her drink. Her cheeks were rosy, whether from the alcohol or from the cold, he couldn’t tell. It suited her, though, and – no, this wouldn’t do. He was getting distracted.

He made his way over to where the two of them were sitting and lightly touched her shoulder.

“Oh, Dazai!” she smiled, “I didn’t know you would be here tonight.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Chuuya scowl at him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to particularly care. He returned his gaze to the girl sitting in front of him, looking at him with a questioning gaze.

“Can we…can we talk for a while?”

She blinked unsurely, “Uh, yeah, alright.”

Mumbling an apology to Chuuya, she got up to follow Dazai. Together, they stepped out of the safety of the bar and into the cold winter night. The biting wind was unforgiving, and he watched her shrink into herself a little as she pulled her coat tighter around her shoulders. His chest ached a little, to see her so trusting and unassuming of him. He could lead her down to hell, and she’d probably follow him there too.

It was late at night, late enough so that the streets were completely deserted. Dazai didn’t stop until they reached the docks. She had told him once that she liked the sea at night, when the moon’s reflection rippled in the waves like silver. There was no moon tonight. He was faintly aware of her asking him something, probably about where they were going, but he couldn’t make out much over the screeching in his head that just won’t stop, like nails on chalkboard.

When he finally did turn to face her, she stopped mid-sentence and the questioning expression on her face immediately turned to that of surprise, then to fear.

That might have had something to do with the gun Dazai was pointing at her now, the barrel inches from her forehead.

“D-Dazai?”

She sounded scared and confused, and why wouldn’t she be? Here she was in the middle of nowhere, with her lover pointing a gun at her head. He hadn’t said anything to her the whole way, and he wanted to say something now, anything at all, if only to break the silence. But what exactly? You can’t exactly apologize to the person whose head you’re pointing a gun at.

And maybe Dazai wasn’t as stone-faced as he believed himself to be, after all. Because she was staring up at him now with wide eyes, and Dazai could see her piecing things together in her head. He faltered a little at that thought. He didn’t want her to know just how weak he really was behind the façade he had put up. Am I really that easy to read? He found himself thinking as he took an unconscious step back. But she had seen enough.

“So that’s how it is.” She whispered, head hung low.

With her shoulders slumped, she looked up and gave him a defeated smile. Then she took a step forward. Whatever Dazai had been expecting her to do, it wasn’t this, and for a moment, he didn’t know what to do. She stepped forward further, and soon enough, her forehead was pressed right against the barrel.

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Dazai could read her well enough to figure out on his own what she wanted him to know.

Do it. Do it if you have to.

He unlocked the safety, the click sounding unnaturally loud in the silent surroundings, as if sealing both of their fates once and for all. For a moment, his thoughts got so loud that her image started to blur in front of his eyes. I should do it. He’s right, he’s right, he’s always right, this is the only way.

Only way for what, though? What exactly am I trying to achieve?

There were tears streaming down her face now, but she didn’t back off, nor did the smile of resignation leave her face. Dazai knew it was meant to reassure him, to let him know it was okay. Except it wasn’t. Mori had figured out where Dazai’s heart lived, and had found the perfect way to plunge his hand inside and rip it out. Worst of all, he made it seem like a favour, like a gift to him, and he knew it wasn’t but what did he know?

Dazai didn’t remember actually pulling the trigger. He could see his hand tightening around it, pulling it slowly backwards, but it felt like it wasn’t really him doing it, like he was outside his body, watching like a mute spectator. The shot resounded throughout the docks, loud enough to silence everything else, including his mind.

He only realized he had screwed his eyes shut when he tried to open them again. The barrel of the gun was fuming with smoke, the smell of burnt rubber permeating the air. It took him a while to realize he had failed. The bullet had missed its mark.

The gun fell from his hand, and barely a second later, he fell to his knees too. Clutching his head with both hands, he found himself mumbling two words over and over again, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…”

If Mori were here, Dazai would’ve gone up to him and screamed, “There’s your answer!”

“Sshh, it’s okay, Dazai, It’s fine…” It was only then that he realized that she was kneeling down beside him, whispering softly to him as he shook in her arms.

“I…I almost killed you.” He said in a barely audible voice, a tear sliding down from between his fingers that were still clutching at his face.

She touched his wrist, gently prying his hands away from his head, and even though her hands were cold, it was enough to reassure him. Almost. It’s okay, she’s alive…The relief that flooded through him at that thought almost made him melt. Then came the fear. He had failed. He had failed, and there was no telling what Mori might do now. He wasn’t scared for himself, because what could Mori possibly do to him? The answer to that was a lot, but he didn’t particularly care. No, he was afraid for her, and what would become of her now that he had failed.

Maybe she noticed the shift in his expression, because she softly touched his cheek and made him look at her. That seemed to snap him back to his senses.

He stumbled backwards and immediately got up, swaying a little on his feet. “You need to go.”

“What?” She gave him a confused look as she got to her feet too.

Dazai shook his head vehemently, “There’s no time. You need to go, you need to - ”

“You’re not making any sense, Dazai!” she pleaded, “Go where? Why!?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just leave, go, disappear somewhere.” His voice was frantic, and he had to make an active effort not to yell.

She was silent for a while, before finally saying, “What about you?”

He gave her a watery smile, “Does it really matter?”

“Of course fucking it does!” she yelled, and the sheer anger on her face almost caused Dazai to back off, “We can…we can both leave! Let’s run away!”

Dazai laughed bitterly, “I can’t leave. There’s no place in the world where he won’t find me.” And if he finds me, he finds you.

The look on her face was one of pure distress, “Dazai, please…Don’t do this.”

He sighed, and knew he was going to hate himself for the rest of his life for what he was about to do next. He had picked up the gun that had fallen from his hands earlier, and now he cocked it once again at her head, “Leave. Now. Go somewhere far away where no one can find you.”

Mori always said Dazai didn’t have a heart. But if that was true, what was it that he could feel breaking inside his chest right now, as he looked at her? Her shoulders were slumped downwards, and she was looking at him with eyes that seemed almost liquid. But she knew she had lost.

As she finally turned her back to him, Dazai felt his stomach drop. She was leaving. She was really leaving. He would never see her again, and he’s the only one to blame. For the first time in his life, Dazai’s hand shook while holding a gun. He swallowed hard.

“(Y/n)?”

She turned around to look at him, eyes wary and tinged with the slightest bit of hope. That hope was immediately killed when Dazai gave her a blank stare.

“Don’t ever come back.”

[guide-on-how-to-read-faster]

Guide on How to Read Faster?

Isn't it so much easier to get through school if you could complete your reading assignments three times as fast? Wouldn't it be more fun to jump right into a good piece of fiction and blaze through it in less than a day? Let's explore speed reading in more detail.

The two ways of thinking about speed reading may be familiar to you if you've already looked into the subject. It is said that speed reading is the essence of success and everything you have ever dreamed of. Others say speed reading is a myth and doesn't work. Truth usually lies somewhere in the middle.

When considering speed reading, the first thing you need to ask yourself is: "Why do I want to read faster?" While speed reading novels for pleasure requires a different approach than speed reading textbooks or research articles for understanding hard science, speed reading novels for pleasure requires one approach. When using RSVP tests or Rapid Serial Visual Presentations, individual words or blocks of two or three appear sequentially on the screen.

Reading Process

Before we move on to the techniques, it's important to understand the reading process.

Reading is the action of analyzing a piece of writing to understand its intended meaning. So, reading effectively requires more than just recognizing a series of words. You must also understand the relationship between the words and the unstated implications of the situation.

Compare this to skimming, which is the rapid consumption of text to gain a general idea of what you're reading. The gist of it will become apparent even if you don't comprehend the details. The goal of speed reading is to maintain skim-like reading speeds while maintaining reading-like comprehension.

An educated adult reads approximately 200-400 words per minute. It is claimed that speed readers can read thousands of words in a minute. To do so, they rely on peripheral vision.

The fovea, or center of your visual field, has the highest acuity, about 1° in any direction. The width of your thumb extended at arm's length is approximately this size. The parafovea has moderate acuity between 1 and 5° from the center, and the periphery is greater than 5° from the center. In peripheral vision, it is physically and biologically impossible to recognize and interpret the text.

Try looking at a stationary object, such as where the wall meets the ceiling. Keep your eyes smoothly moving from one side to the other of the line. Unfortunately, it is actually impossible. Multiple small, jerky movements of your eyes are called saccades. During reading, saccades allow the reader to fixate the fovea on a word by moving their eyes quickly.

When speed readers use their fingers to guide their eye movements, I initially thought they employed smooth pursuit. Smooth pursuit occurs when your eyes fixate on a moving object and can follow it smoothly. If you move your finger from side to side in front of you, your eyes will smoothly follow it without jerking. The finger technique speed readers use is less about the pursuit of smoothness and more about maintaining a metronomic pace as they read.

The saccades allow the fovea to focus on the next word. It is estimated that each fixation lasts around 250 milliseconds, but it can vary greatly based on legibility, difficulty, and whether it is proofreading or reading for comprehension or swiping. However, not every word is fixed.

In about half of the sentences, the word "the" is skipped. In certain cases, a word may be skipped even though it has been processed. The rapid serial visual processing (RSVP) technology is useful for displaying information (usually text or images) in which the text appears word-by-word in a fixed focal point. In addition to being a basic reading aid, RSVP is being investigated as a way to boost individual reading rates. Additionally, RSVP is being used for research in visual impairment, dyslexia, perceptual and cognitive psychology. There are many different languages and platforms available for RSVP.

Through these technologies, words are presented to the viewer in the center of the visual field in rapid succession, thereby eliminating the need for eye movements. In light of the aforementioned individual variations, visual processing physiology, and the way we comprehend language, I would argue that RSVP is an inefficient way to consume text. RSVP does not allow for regressions, which is another problem. Regression is a brief look backward in the text to return to an earlier word. The purpose of this is to correct errors' incomprehension. RSVP further reduces comprehension by eliminating the possibility of regressions.

According to proponents of speed reading, subvocalization, or using your inner voice while reading, will slow you down. Numerous studies have examined the effects of eliminating or minimizing subvocalization. Findings consistently indicated decreased comprehension. It makes sense that phonological processing is an important part of reading and comprehension, since all writing systems represent words, and since the primary form of language is vocal rather than visual.

What does all this mean? Perception of visual information occurs rapidly. However, reading is slowed down by linguistic processing. It has been demonstrated that language processing rather than the ability to control eye movements is the determining factor of reading speed in various studies. We are limited in our ability to read by our ability to identify and understand words rather than by our ability to see them. As a result, reading faster actually reduces comprehension, which may or may not matter depending on what you are reading.

Learn how to read faster

After we have clarified the science behind reading and speed reading, we will take a look at how to speed read faster. To read faster, one does not need to read the same way for every reading goal.

As a method of improving one's reading comprehension and speed, it is suggested that one practice more reading. Even though this does help, it's a very slow and gradual process that doesn't produce drastic changes.

To drastically improve speed, comprehension must be reduced. We need to read slower to increase comprehension. There's no way around that; you can only improve slowly.

In each case, we have to balance reading comprehension with reading speed. Is it possible to reduce comprehension minimally, while increasing speed maximally? I have found the following techniques to be the most useful over the years.

1) Determine the Type of Reading

Determine your reading goal and the type of reading you will perform first. It is not necessary to maximize comprehension for every reading task. Do you read nonfiction for pleasure? Do you proofread an essay for a friend? Do you read a textbook for class? Do you read high yield notes and bullet points for one of your classes?

Having a clear goal in mind will help you determine the minimum level of comprehension required and, therefore, the maximum speed that can be achieved.

2) Remain Flexible

Secondly, make sure your speed is flexible. During the reading process, you will come across sections of text that are easy for you. It's a simple language, you understand the concepts, and you can easily get through it. You don't have to focus on every word to understand it.

In other sections, you will be introduced to new words or concepts that require your attention. Often, this will happen, so you must be flexible with your reading speed to optimize your speed/comprehension balance. If you're not sure about the significance of a paragraph, focus on its first and last sentences.

3) Use a Pacer

Use a pacer, such as your finger or a pen. You can follow along with your eyes by running your pacer below each line from end to end. You will instantly increase your reading speed with minimal comprehension loss.

It is important to find the sweet spot between pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone and only slightly reducing comprehension. My opinion is that if you reduce comprehension by 10% but gain 50% in speed, that's not a bad tradeoff. The pacer will need to move faster in places and slower in others, as described above.

Different Types of Reading

1) Textbooks

There is often a lot of unnecessary text in textbooks. There's no need to worry if you accidentally skip a paragraph or a whole section. Pay attention to bolded words or sections that contain key information, and speed up while reading text that adds context to what you've already learned.

Identifying what is important in each section by looking at section headings and bolded terms will make it easier for you to read the section. It may take a few minutes at first, but overall, if you execute it properly, you should save time.

When I'm finished reading a section or page, I summarize what I've learned. Alternatively, I can write a few bullet points or speak out loud to myself. This greatly improves retention and comprehension.

2) Books for Pleasure

If you read for pleasure, you can do whatever you want. If you want to enjoy the nuances of language, then you should slow down. In contrast, if you only wish to grasp the gist, it won't be a problem if your comprehension drops considerably.

It very much depends on the book and what you hope to gain from it. Depending on the book, I read every word or skip sections. The majority of books fall somewhere in the middle.

3) Research

In reading research articles, which you will read a lot during your pre-med, medical school, and residency years, follow a systematic approach. The best way to gain a deeper understanding of the abstract is to read it slowly and carefully. Focus on those key points when you read the full article.

Spend a few minutes reading the abstract, a few introductory paragraphs, the methods and results in sections quickly, and then spend more time on the conclusion.

A Guide to Speed Reading

Problem – The amount of reading material available these days is so overwhelming that often it's impossible to keep up. In this way, we scroll headlines and teasers instead of reading content that will actually educate us. Our lives are often dominated by the pressure to finish our daily tasks on time or keep up with the latest developments in our areas of interest, regardless of whether we are at work or studying.

Solution – Today, speed reading is a highly valuable and essential skill. People who master speed reading techniques can read as much as three times faster than the average reader, who usually reads between 200 and 250 words per minute.

Benefits – When speed reading, the human brain is challenged to perform faster and better. With speed reading, your brain will be trained to absorb information much faster than it is used to. As a result, your memory and brain function will be improved. Additionally, you may benefit from increased general and specialized knowledge, improved problem-solving skills, or increased self-confidence.

A Final Thought

We have compiled this article to teach you how to read faster. This article will describe how speed reading techniques work and provide you with tips, information, and resources to help you read and learn more quickly.

[windwardstar]

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Aka: How to make your writeblr more accessible to include the disabled members of your community and allow them to better interact with you and your content!

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This is the part that most people are gonna be seeing initially when they come across your stuff as well as on their dashes if they follow you. Which is probably your goal. And if someone reblogs your shit, you want it to remain accessible on their blog and lead you back to this. So like. This shit’s important to make sure you get right. 

Basic Gist: make it easy to read.

Don’t overuse italics and bold. When it’s just a word or a sentence or two, it’s helpful. When the entire thing is in bold, it’s just harder to read. 

Break up the text. Use multiple paragraphs, headers, break things up into sections. Y’all are actually really good at this!

Use Read Mores. Writeblr is also generally really good about this! Just like… let people know what’s under them. Is it more worldbuilding? more writing? a tag list? an image description? It can help let people know what to expect and decide if it’s a “read now” or a “read later when I have a minute.”

Post your writing as text, not an image if possible. Obviously if it’s a comic or visual poetry, you need the image. But if it’s just a screen shot from a word doc, copy paste the text.

Include Image Descriptions - This is the big thing!

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Basic Rule: If it’s an image, it needs an image description. 

So this means these all need image descriptions:

Screenshots

Memes

Wip Powerpoint Presentations

Moodboards

Face Claims

Those line breaks (a simple: [image description: a line break with a pinecone in the center. End description] works.)

Wip Bingo

Character Art

Pic Crews or Doll Creators

Any kind of graphic

Literally. if it’s an image. Put an image description.

It also doesn’t matter how much information is in the image. A header or a line break need an image description just as much as a character portrait or a moodboard. Without an image description, they’re all equally unreadable (unaccessible). And, if you don’t know what’s on the image, you don’t know if you’re missing something “important” or not. 

Just like if I didn’t “include” the image descriptions for the headings. You wouldn’t know what the gradients were. And you wouldn’t even know there were section headings. (The headings are actual important information. It’s all important.)

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Writing image descriptions is actually pretty simple, and you’re probably already pretty good at it. Your novel/short story description writing is a skill that transfers very well here. You already know how to identify the key elements and word them in a way that lets people picture the image without seeing it.

The basic structure is this:

[Image Description: A description of the image. End Description]

[id: a description of the image. /end id]

Basic ideas for Writing Image Descriptions

Start with “Image Description” or “id:”- This lets people know it’s starting a description of an image. 

A description of the image. Highlight the key elements. Include all relevant information. You’re turning a picture into words.You’ve already got the skills for this. Flex those writer muscles. 

Ends with “End Description” or “end id” - This lets people know that the description part has ended and anything that comes after isn’t part of the description. Really useful if you then want to post an excerpt or talk about the image.

Little Bit More Detail on Image Descriptions:

Brackets (or parenthesis) - these mostly just help visually distinguish the image description from the rest of the text on the post and make them easier to locate. 

Also, these are NOT a replacement for the above word directions because not all screen readers will read punctuation. So basically, the description should be readable without them.  Example: [a description of the image] doesn’t work as an image description. It’ll just be read as “a description of the image doesn’t work as an image description.”

Don’t bold, italicise, all caps, or underline the image description. Don’t use special fonts or headings for them. These can make it easier to locate, but it can also impact those with developmental disorders and learning disabilities and make it harder to read (read: less accessible or inaccessible).

Include any text information from an image in the image description. Especially if it’s all text. 

Separate different visual elements into different sentences/descriptions. If there are multiple images, use your judgement to decide if they can all be described in the same paragraph or need different paragraphs. 

(Bonus: this can help you with your regular prose writing by improving your ability to effectively communicate, organize, and identify the important details.)

[ID: a header reading, “where do image descriptions go?’ it has the background from oh the places you’ll go from Dr. Seuss. End ID]

Stick it right beneath the relevant image if possible. That way it’s right there and easy to find and locate for those who need it. (And also easy for people who don’t need them to just skip right over it.)

Stick them in the body of the post. Don’t stick them in tags or a reblog. Keep them with the image that way when other people reblog your post, the image description travels with the image and remains accessible.

Totally add image descriptions to posts you reblog if the original poster didn’t include one. (tip: check the notes to see if someone else already wrote one, then reblog it.)

DO NOT delete the image descriptions that already exist. Deleting them because you think it looks better without them is ableism. If your aesthetic doesn’t allow for image descriptions, your aesthetic doesn’t allow for disability to be visible and is ableist.

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The other place people will be seeing and accessing your content is gonna be on your blog. Read mores will redirect to it, hopefully people will be looking through it for more information, and if you’ve got a WIP page people will also hopefully be looking at that.

Which basically all means: you gotta make it so people can access that sweet sweet content. The more accessible your content is, the more people are going to be able to interact with it.  So that’s what this is, making your blog accessible to as many people as possible.

(Most of these are going to be relevant if you installed your own theme. The tumblr default is pretty good already. If the theme you are using doesn’t allow for these modifications, I would suggest finding another one.)

The basics here are:

Use regular sized text and try and stick to the standard fonts. If your text is too big or too small, it gets harder to read. If you use a non-standard font, make sure it isn’t too hard to read. There’s a reason schools decided to go with 12pt Times New Roman or Arial as the standard. It’s easy to read.  (If you can give people the option of changing fonts or font size, that’s another useful tool as some people do need larger text or different fonts.)

Good contrast between the text and the background. Black text on “white” works really well here. Careful not to make the contrast too high though as it can make it harder for light sensitive folks to read.

Watch Color Saturation - This is another thing that can affect folks with light sensitivity. Also, too many different colors can make things hard to focus on and read.

Optional Light/Dark mode. Some people need the dark mode. Some people need the light mode. Some people can’t do dark mode. Some people can’t do light mode. If you can, include both and give people the option of selecting the one they want.

(Basically, give people options if you have the ability to. And if you can’t, try and find a middle ground that makes it as accessible as possible for everyone.)

No moving elements in the background.

Solid color opaque background to text fields. Don’t put images behind text as it makes it harder to read.

Keep a single visual flow. Use a single column format for posts. Don’t include excess clutter.

Clearly label any links. It makes it a lot easier to navigate if things are clearly labelled. 

Don’t include autoplay. Off by default because not everyone can handle the visual/audio stimulus. Let people click on things to enable animation, video, or sound. 

More Readings and Resources:

Online Accessibility 

How to write image descriptions 

All About Image Descriptions 

6 ways to make your social media posts accessible for people with a visual impairment 

Text Background Contrast Chart 

Dos and Don'ts on Designing For Accessibility 

Ways to Make Your Blog More Accessible 

Web Content Accessibility Guidelines WCAG 20 

There's already a blueprint for a more accessible world (article) 

Post of Links to Accessibility Information

Tag List: @lukawarrioroflight  @chaos-writing​ @knightsofeclipse​

[leeisacat]

Birthday Sex | A Kuroo/Bokuto/Akaashi/Kenma/f! Reader

A/N: Literally the most self indulgent one-shot I’ve ever written in my life, for God’s sake like this was straight out of a fantasy I had. Tags/Warnings: Smut, spanking, pet play, creampie, dom/sub roles, anal, role play, gangbang (?)

“Tetsu-kun, I’m home!”

(Name) slipped off her tennis shoes at the door, pushing them neatly in line with an assortment of men’s and women’s shoes. She peered down the hall, looking for a sign of her boyfriend.

To celebrate Kuroo’s birthday, the couple had invited over their closest friends for dinner. But, for how soon they should be arriving, it concerned her that her boyfriend didn’t seem to be home.

“Tetsu? Are you home?” she called out, still receiving no reply.

Narrowing her eyes, she hung up her coat and set down her bags— which, included the present she had picked out for her boyfriend. She walked down the hallway and turned into the kitchen.

It had been obvious he had started preparing dinner, and a pink sticky note was stuck to their usual barren fridge.

‘Ran to the store—

Something in the bedroom for you ;)’

She quirked an eyebrow, taking the note off while walking to the bedroom. It was his birthday, so why was he getting her things?

Pushing open the slightly ajar door, it was pitch black, the light from the hall shining in enough for her to make something out on the bed. She reached for the light switch, flipping it before emitting a small gasp. Her face turned beet-red.

Neatly laid out on the bed, there was a maid’s outfit that left little for the imagination. On top of it were matching black lace stockings, a simple red collar with a bell on it, and black cat ears. She noticed a small notecard placed on top of it, and immediately recognized her boyfriend’s writing.

‘Hi Kitten,

I hope you remembered our little talk a few days ago. It’s okay if you change your mind, but I definitely would like you to put a little show on for us tonight. Mostly me, of course.

P.S. remember my name, or else ;*’

Her eyes widened, recalling what their recent conversation was about. He’d asked her how she felt about trusted people watching them do their thing, and even possibly bringing them into their intimate moments. She agreed, as long as they both trusted whoever it was coming into their private space. But, it occurred to her that it was three other  people coming tonight— Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kenma. The thought of them also getting in on the action riled her up, causing her to press her thighs together.

She sighed, realizing that Kuroo would never force her into anything she was uncomfortable with, and the moment she said the safe word it would be stopped. Plus, the idea of being a cute little kitten maid for all her master’s  friends enticed her.

This was going to be an interesting night.

Changing into the maid costume with Kuroo’s favorite lingerie set underneath, she realized it  left nothing for the imagination. The fluffy skirt of the dress just barely sat beneath the curve of her ass, threatening to flash her lacy panties with one wrong move. The front dipped down enough for her cleavage to be on full display, daring to expose her bra underneath. She glanced in the mirror, her face flushing as she saw how scandalous it was. She sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on the stockings, and afterwards clipped each ear onto either side of her hair. Lastly, she had to put on the color.

Her fingers grazed over the nice leather, when she realized there was something engraved into it. It said ‘Property of Kuroo Testsurou’ , causing her face to flush more. But, she heard the front door open, and quickly fumbled to get the collar around her neck.

“Oh, where is my kitten~? I was expecting her waiting for me, is she hiding?”

She peeked her head out the bedroom door to see Kuroo standing at the entryway, seemingly waiting for her. Slowly, she stepped out into the light and walked towards him, twiddling her thumbs in front of her while keeping her eyes trained to the ground. He could hear the bell on her collar quietly jingle as she approached which caused him to chuckle.

“Ah, are you being shy? There’s no need, it’s just me,” he said, bring his hand up to brush her cheek, “You look very beautiful, by the way.”

“Th— Thank you, master,” she said, remembering his instructions, “And, happy birthday, of course.”

She finally brought her eyes up to meet his, gazing into them as they crinkled lightly with his smile. On the other hand, she was staring at him wide-eyed, an obvious blush not leaving her cheeks. He gently brought her in for a quick peck on the lips before breaking away.

“Thank you, kitten. Now, could you bring the groceries to the kitchen for me? I’m going to change, and then we can finish preparing dinner together,” he said smoothly, holding the two paper bags out for her to take.

She nodded, grabbing them and letting a small grunt out when she realized one was significantly heavier than the other. He smiled at her, brushing past her to the bedroom as she moved the bags to the kitchen. Peering into the heavy one, she realized it weight was due to its contents of alcohol.

As she was finishing putting away the groceries, she felt Kuroo wrapping her arms around her from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“You’re very tense, (Nickname), are you that nervous? Or, are you just that turned on~,” he said, dropping to a seductive whisper for the last sentence.

“Oh, you,” she said, playfully poking his cheek, “Yes, I’m nervous, Tetsu. Not only am I wearing a skimpy maid costume, but I’m about to be presented to our high school friends like this. You told them about this, right?”

His fingers brushed her thigh before his hand quickly came down hard on her ass cheek, causing her to yelp in pain.

“That’s my first and final warning for not addressing me properly. And yes, they know what they’re in for. Well, mostly. The maid costume is a bit of a surprise,” he chuckled darkly.

She spun around in his grasp, pushing him away before crossing her arms. Furrowing her eyebrows, she looked up at him.

“My color is red . Kuroo Tetsurou, you invited three of our friends over without explaining to them about this ?” she said, motioning to her maid outfit, “You are going to scare them . They are going to be so flustered—!”

“ Hey ,” he said, placing his hand behind her neck to silence her with a kiss, “It’ll be alright. Kenma actually helped me pick out the dress for you. I was just teasing, they know, they know.”

“Can’t I just, like, change into this afterwards? How am I supposed to even address them? Should I also call them master?”

“ No. That name is reserved for me and only me,” he said, narrowing his eyes slightly, “And, just refer to them by their names. Use formal honorifics, of course. Do this for me, pretty please ? You’re so cute when you give me puppy dog eyes when you’re begging for my—”

“Tetsu!” she exclaimed, “Fine. My light is green.”

With that, they continued prepping dinner together, an occasional teasing remark being slung at (Name). She would only roll her eyes in response (with her eyes closed, of course, couldn’t risk punishment this early into the night). She set the dining room table for the night, and set out glasses for the booze. Eventually, (Name) shooed Kuroo out of the kitchen to finish cooking dinner on her own, surprisingly with no protest from him. Soon, everything was ready, and she was nervously sitting on the couch next to Kuroo, legs neatly tucked under her as she focused on playing with her thumbs again.

He must’ve noticed that her nerves hadn’t gone, so he brought his hand up to her back, rubbing soft circles into her shoulders. She seemed to ease into his touch, looking a bit calmer than before.

The doorbell suddenly rang, causing her to jump slightly and look up to Kuroo with big eyes.

“Go on and greet our guests, kitten. I’ll be right behind you,” he said, motioning for her to walk to the door.

He quite literally was right behind her, hands on her hips slightly under her dress. She was already flustered enough as it was, but Kuroo has to dig his thumb under the band of her panties and snap it. She let out a soft whine before finally unlocking the door and swinging it open.

“Hey, hey... Hey?!” Bokuto exclaimed, eyes landing on (Name), “Oh, wow .”

“Kou, stop ogling his girlfriend. (Surname)-san, don’t mind him too much,” Akaashi said, lightly swatting the back of his boyfriend’s head with an envelope, “Anyway, happy birthday Kuroo-san. We got this for you.”

He held the envelope out towards Kuroo, but he made no motion to grab it. Quickly, (Name) got the gist and grabbed it for him. She clutched it to her chest, bowing deeply.

“C— Come in, Bokuto-san and Akaashi-san. Make yourself at home,” she said, stuttering while a deep blush flooded her cheeks.

Kuroo wrapped an arm around her waist as they stepped to the side to let the couple in. They shed their shoes and coats, before (Name) stepped forward.

“I can hang your coats for you,” she said softly, holding out an arm.

The two exchanged a look of sorts before obliging, draping the coats over her arm. She left to go hang them in the closet across the hall, leaving the three boys alone momentarily.

“Kuroo... you have her referring to us so formally . I was... not expecting this,” Bokuto said, looking over to his raven-haired friend, “Is she comfortable with all this?”

“If she wasn’t, she’d tell us. (Name)’s just playing shy, that’s all. Come on, let’s wait for Kenma in the living room,” he replied cooly.

His friends followed him, and soon (Name) entered the living room. She was about to sit next to Kuroo on the couch before he gently grabbed her hand, pulling her into his lap. She softly gasped in surprise, but situated herself on his knee while folding her hands in her lap. Akaashi sat on the chair adjacent to the couch while Bokuto sat in opposite corner of the couch.

They soon fell into small talk, and Kuroo thankfully felt (Name) relax further. He was mindlessly stroking her thigh, occasionally squeezing it. She sat there though, letting the tension flee from her body. She only spoke when addressed, following the normal rules the Kuroo had set for her in this state. It was easy, and Bokuto nor Akaashi was acting phased by it in any way.

“So, is this a regular occurrence between you two, or what? Keiji never let’s me do this type of stuff with him, although he occasionally will dress up and wear a skirt for me,” Bokuto asked, looking curiously at Kuroo and (Name) before smirking as his boyfriend.

“Well, yes and no. This is the first time she’s ever dressed up for me like this, and it’s the first time we’ve allowed other people to see. But, we regularly use the names in the bedroom, even punishment if she’s being a little brat ,” he said, lightly smacking her thigh, “Which, to no surprise, she’s usually like that. I honestly think she gets off on it.”

“Do not!” she suddenly squeaked, blushing a furious shade of red.

“Ah, is that talking back I hear?” Kuroo mumbled darkly, using his hand to turn her head towards him.

She widened her eyes, nervously glancing to the other men in the room. They were only watching curiously as the scene unfold before them. Kuroo tapped into her cheek with his fingers to redirect her attention back to him.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you. Did you just now talk back to me?” he repeated himself.

“N— No, master,” she mumbled, barely audible.

“I can’t hear you kitten,” he said, a smirk now on his lips.

“No, master!” she said loud enough for everyone to hear, using all her strength to not tear her gaze away and bury her face in her hands.

To her avail, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” she blurted out, standing up and straightening her dress as best as possible.

Kuroo chuckled as she scurried away with her bell jingling, looking over to Bokuto and Akaashi. They two looked astonished at what had unfolded before them, definitely turned on . God, how were they expecting to last through dinner if the two were gonna act like that ?

(Name) greeted Kenma at the door, bowing deeply and addressing him in the same formal way.

“Kuro put you up to this, didn’t he? Ugh, if you’re gonna call me anything, just call me Kenma-san,” he said, finally looking up from his phone and giving (Name) a once over, “Oh, the dress does looks very... nice on you.”

She muttered a small ‘thank you’ while bowing slightly, taking his jacket and hanging it up with the others. Kenma joined the other boys in the room with a small blush dusting his cheeks, waving and giving his greetings.

Dinner went by fairly uneventful, (Name) engaging in small talk but still extremely embarrassed from what had happened before.  Kuroo would not ease up on the playful jabs here and there, thus not giving her even a moment to cool down. Her usual sassy demeanor was very subdued for the fact she was not sure what Kuroo would do as a punishment if she jabbed back. He seemed to enjoy the attention she was receiving from his friends a little more than her, almost prideful of flaunting his girlfriend.

While they were eating cake, that’s when Kuroo decided to make (Name) put on a show.

“Kitten,” he cooed, swiping some frosting from his slice onto his fingers, “Why don’t you clean my fingers?”

He waved his point and middle finger in front of her face, which were globbed over with the creamy frosting. She nervously glanced around before she felt his fingers pressed to her lips.

“Don’t keep me waiting,” he said lowly, the words almost rumbling in his chest.

She tentatively gave his fingers a few kitten licks (staying true to her pet name) before wrapping her mouth around them. Slowly, she took them in to the knuckle, sucking and swirling her tongue around the appendages. Once she felt they were thoroughly cleaned, she opened her mouth and pulled away, a line of drool still connecting her tongue and his fingers.

Kuroo barely held back his groans, because damn . His girlfriend was hot.

“We should probably clean up the table. (Nickname)-chan, can you start gathering the dishes? I’m going to take care of the leftovers,” he said as nonchalantly as he could for the growing erection in his jeans.

She muttered a quick ‘yes, master’ before gathering dishes off the table. Kenma stood up though, grabbing his own bowl and plate.

“I’ll help her,” he said, trailing behind her to the kitchen.

She started rinsing dishes and placing them in the dishwasher while Kenma brought them to her. While she was cleaning though, Kuroo brushed past her and flicked up the back of her skirt, causing her to yelp in surprise. A furious blush found its way back onto her cheeks as she tried to focus on finishing with the dishes.

Kenma watched the ordeal with a soft blush on his own face before turning to (Name). He was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he looked to her.

“Kuro has not let up on you the whole night, has he?” he asked, looking at her curiously.

She gently closed the dishwasher, looking back to see Akaashi walked into the kitchen as she nodded in response to Kenma.

“This is... very embarrassing and,” she glanced over to the dining room, seeing Kuroo and Bokuto laughing loudly in their own conversation, “he’s not helping, no.”

“It’s because we’re just watching, isn’t it? Of course, I would also be shy if I was on full display like Pain-in-the-ass Kuroo-san is putting you on. We think it’s adorable though, don’t worry,” Akaashi said, mentioning a nickname from their high school days.

He brushed up to (Name), closing the distance rather quickly. She backed up into the counter, now pinned between it and Akaashi. Staring wide-eyes up at him, he lightly pinched her cheeks.

“Don’t worry, tonight is going to be enough to forget about all your embarrassment. Also, Kuroo filled us all in on your safe words, so if it’s ever too much, don’t hesitate to tell us.”

She nodded, before glancing over to see Bokuto and Kuroo staring at them. She became flustered again, bringing up her hands to her face to hide her blush.

“Hey, hey, Akaashi! You tryna start without us?” he exclaimed, a pout on his lips, “Not fair!”

“No,” he smirked back, “I’m just giving a pep-talk from one bottom to another. She’s so nervous, and you two aren’t helping.”

She let out a squeak of embarrassment, hiding her face in Akaashi’s chest. He casually wrapped an arm around her, placing a hand on the small of her back as he pulled her away from the counter.

“Who, me?!” Bokuto said, pointing a finger towards Kuroo, “It’s been her boyfriend the whole night!”

Akaashi chuckled at his boyfriend’s antics and started whisking (Name) away to the bedroom.

“Alright, but I’m getting first dibs on her. You two would destroy her in one fell sweep,” he called out, hearing they’re footsteps behind him.

The boys fighting over her caused her arousal to pool rather quickly, and in attempt to quell her desires she began rubbing her thighs together. Akaashi’s hands found themselves resting on her hips, and he narrowed his eyes as he dug his fingers into them.

“Are you trying to please yourself? No, no, none of that. You have to last for Kuroo-san.”

She whined, but obliged and stopped creating friction for herself. Bokuto soon was besides Akaashi, side-eying his boyfriend.

“So, what? You get first dibs?” he said, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Boys, boys, settle down. I’m sure she’d be happy to take both of you at once,” Kuroo said, popping his head between them with a smirk on his face, “Kitten, be sure to listen to them. You’ll get the same punishment as you’d get with me if you disobey them.”

“Yes, master,” she said breathlessly, pressing herself back into Akaashi’s chest, “What would you like, sir?”

“Kneel,” Akaashi said before placing a hand on her shoulder and helping push her to her knees.

She let herself fall with a soft thump as her knees hit the ground. Her hands reached for Akaashi’s jeans first, but were redirected when he side stepped in order for Bokuto to stand in front of her. She slowly began undoing his pants, him watching her with a hungry gaze. Once the zipper was undone, she hooked her fingers through his belt loops and gently tugged them to his knees. His erection was very visible through his tight briefs, causing her to blush furiously. He was rather large, a bit more girth to his compared to Kuroo’s. She gulped, bringing her fingers to gently fiddle with his waistband.

“Well, what’re you waiting for, cutie? You scared ?” Bokuto said, staring her down with a cocky grin and his huge golden eyes.

She brought one of her hands to cup his erection through the frantic, running her hand slowly across it. A low rumble came from him, and he took the liberty of shoving his briefs off, his erection springing free in front of her face. Her eyes widened as she retreated her hands, looking up at him with big puppy eyes.

“Cat got your tongue? I though Kuroo would’ve taught you to respond when spoken to,” he purred, settling his hand in the back of her hair.

She gulped again, eyes traveling down and landing on his dick.

“It’s— it’s big,” she whispered, coaxing a small laugh from Bokuto.

“You’ll get used to it,” Akaashi shrugged, unzipping his own jeans.

Boluto prodded his member at her lips, and she began to experimentally lick along his shaft. She sucked on the tip and tasted his precum, causing him to groan and dig his fingers into his scalp. He took the opportunity to push slowly into her mouth, getting halfway before stopping.

“You okay, princess?” he said, half moaning while gripping her hair.

Her jaw was already aching from the stretch, but she nodded as much as she could. Bokuto pushed the rest of the way in, her nose brushing the wiry hairs at the base of his shaft. She was gagging slightly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She tapped on his thigh, signifying she was running out of air. He released her, causing her to gasp for breath, but it was short lived as he reentered her mouth. Luckily for her, he set a slow and steady pace, allowing her to bob up and down his length comfortably.

“Bokuto, there’s no need to hold back. She can handle it,” Kuroo suddenly piped up from across the room, strewn across the chair in the corner.

She glanced over with worry, seeing her boyfriend sitting there lazily stroking his own erection, a smirk across his face. Bokuto suddenly slammed into her throat, causing her to gag and slobber all over his dick. He set a grueling pace, grunting with each thrust into her mouth. Her hands found the back of his thighs, nails digging into his skin as she tried to steady herself. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as he ruthlessly fucked her mouth, makeup smudging along with it.

“Don’t— Don’t spill a drop,” he said between grunts, signifying her of his upcoming orgasm.

He slammed one last time as deep as he could into her mouth, hot spurts of cum shooting down her throat. It filled her mouth quickly, but she forced herself to swallow as much as possible. Some dribbled out onto her chin, but she was quick to lick it off, and opened her mouth wide to show Bokuto for good measure.

“Good girl,” he smirked, panting hard and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

It wasn’t long before another dick was prodding at her mouth. This time, she looked up to see Akaashi.

He was thankfully not as girthy as Bokuto was, allowing her to easily maneuver around it. She swirled her tongue around his tip and began to suck up and down his length, taking note that he was slightly sweeter tasting than Bokuto. More tears streamed down her face as she deep throated Akaashi, causing him to moan loudly.

“F— Fuck,” he said breathlessly, “You’re good at this.”

She went back to focusing on his tip, stroking the rest of his slicked length with her hand. Her sucking coaxed grunts and moans from him as he rocked his hips with her movements. She looked up to see Bokuto kissing up his neck slowly before biting down harshly, causing him to groan aloud.

“You think you can swallow my cum too? I’d hate to ruin your dress,” Akaashi asked, petting her head.

In response, she sucked even harder before resuming deep throating him, causing him to twitch in her mouth. He was groaning between pants before pressing himself into her mouth and emptying his load into it. She tried to swallow as much as possible, but she couldn’t, and more than a few drops dribbled out down her chin.

She quickly tried to scoop it back into her mouth with her fingers, but Bokuto grabbed her hand to stop it, crouching down to her level and staring at the white substance. He took the liberty of licking the substance off slowly, before kissing her harshly and shoving the remains into her mouth.

“Hmm, what should we do with you? You didn’t swallow it all,” he said, a mischievous look in his eyes.

Fear filled her eyes before she pressed her forehead to the floor, in a apologetic way. But, with how short her dress was, her ass was now on full display.

“Please! It— It was an accident! I’m sorry, it won’t ever happen a—again!” she exclaimed.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo, before shrugging.

“It’s your call on this one,” he said, folding his arms, “Your her boyfriend.”

“Stand up,” Kuroo called out, standing up as well while pulling his boxers and pants back on.

She slowly pushed herself up off the floor, eyes trained on Kuroo. He coaxed her to come to him with his fingers, staring at her intensely. Looking around the room, she realized that all eyes were on her. She hadn’t even noticed Kenma in the doorway, probably had been standing there for the whole ordeal.

“Yes master?” she said before yelping as Kuroo yanked the front of her dress up.

His thumb slid her panties to the side as he swiped two fingers against her slit, causing her to shudder as he gathered her fluids. He brought them up in front of his face, staring dully at the his now slightly shiny fingers.

“This doesn’t look very sorry to me. I’ve let too many things slide since we have guests over,” he said, eyes boring into her, “What’s your color?”

She knew exactly where this was headed, and couldn’t help but press her thighs together in excitement. Her face was completely flushed as she stared doe-eyed up at him, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

“It’s... green,” she quietly said, looking at the floor.

Kuroo suddenly fell back into the chair, patting his lap. She gulped hard, stepping towards.

“Bend over my lap. Don’t make me wait,” he said lowly, looking at her with half lidded eyes.

She whines softly, but ultimately obliged. Her perky ass was in the air, skirt pushed up to expose the lace of her panties.

“God, you’ve soaked through,” he said, staring at the thin fabric covering her core, “Such a little slut, getting off on sucking other men’s dicks in front of your master. You want to be spanked, huh? You like the attention?”

He was softly rubbing her ass cheeks, squeezing every so often. She kept her eyes trained on the floor, avoiding the other men’s gazes.

“N— no,” she stuttered out, before yelping with the hard slap to her ass that followed.

“Wasn’t a question for you to answer, kitten. Now, be a good girl and count to ten.”

She prematurely winced as she awaited the first hit, squinting her eyes shut. It hit her harder than the previous one, causing her to bite down hard on her lip as she whimpered.

“One,” she whined, clenching her fists until her knuckles were white.

“What do we say?” he said teasingly, lightly pinching her burning ass cheek.

It caused her to yelp, a flush of red flooding into her cheeks.

“Thank you, master,” she quietly mumbled.

He ran his fingertips gently across her exposed thighs before once again harshly snapping her cheek.

“Two! Thank you, master,” she quickly said, a little louder than the previous.

Bokuto was watching her carefully from a distance, before turning to Akaashi.

“Why don’t you do that for me, huh?” he said, playfully swatting his partner’s ass.

Akaashi only side-eyed him, before they heard another harsh slap and a gasp from (Name).

“Three! Ah, thank you master!”

“She didn’t even do anything relatively that bad, Kuro,” Kenma butted in, walking further into the room while watching his friend give another harsh slap to her ass, “Don’t you think this is a bit harsh?”

“Are you saying you’d like to take her place?” he said, smiling coyly while enunciating his word with yet another harsh slap to her ass, “I mean, she is getting significantly wet from this. I don’t think it’s as much as a punishment as she leads us to believe.”

“F— five, thank you, m— master,” she stuttered, biting her lips hard from the burning of her cheeks (face and bottom).

Kenma has a thoughtful look before he shrugged leisurely.

“Just thought we could get to the main event sooner, that’s all.”

Kuroo quirked his eyebrows before a devious grin spread across his face, and he decided to give the last five spankings sequentially, causing her to squeak and whimper from the intensity.

“Six— Ah, seven, m— master. Eight! N— nine! Ten! Thank— thank you, master,” she stuttered out with each slap, whimpering incessantly.

“There, happy? So impatient with my kitten. You did good, cutie pie,” he said, flipping over (Name) and cradling her in his arms, “Now, were gonna treat you real well.”

Kuroo carried her effortlessly to the large bed, setting her down on her back. He gave her small pecks from her mouth trailing down her neck, sucking harshly at her collarbone. Small moans and whimpers escaped her lips as his hands slid up the dress, flipping the front up onto her stomach.

“So naughty, wearing my favorite color lingerie,” he cooed, pressing two fingers to her clothed entrance, “And you’ve even soaked through them more? My, my, such a slutty kitten. Getting off on having so many men watch her get manhandled by her master.”

Being so focused on Kuroo, she didn’t even notice that Bokuto had slipped onto the bed. She felt his arms push her torso up to sit behind her, and his hands got to work on massaging her chest through her dress. It was certainly hard to keep her composure like this. The feeling of his re-hardened member grinding into her back only intensified the heat traveling directly to her core. Kuroo finally dug his fingers under the band of her panties and dragged them down her legs, tossing them onto the floor. He removed his own shirt with it, then lowering himself back down to kiss her.

Akaashi was only in his boxers when he moved to help Bokuto push the sleeves of her dress of her shoulder to exposed her bra-clad chest. He pinched and prodded at her nipples through the lacy garment, causing a slew of moans to escape her mouth. Kuroo was teasing her lower regions with his mouth, nibbling at her thighs only to ghost over the part she wanted his mouth the most. It was frustrating, but with Bokuto’s arms holding back her own, she couldn’t grab his hair and pull him to the desired spot.

“P— Please,” she gasped, “Tetsu please .”

Akaashi dug under her bra and pinched both her nipples hard, seemingly retaliating for using Kuroo’s name. She whimpered with each tug and pull while Bokuto unclasped her bra, taking the sleeves of her dress off fully before flinging it to the floor. Her chest was now fully exposed, and Akaashi brought one of the buds into his mouth. Bokuto’s lips were attacking her neck with licks and soft bites, and she swore she was about to lose it if one of them didn’t fuck her in that moment.

“Oh~?,” Kuroo purred while looking up at her, fanning his breath over her throbbing pussy, “Use your words, kitten. I’m no mind reader.”

“Please, Tetsurou , please fuck me!” she cried out, balling her fists up into the sheets.

He chuckled lowly before ridding himself of his remaining clothes, his cock springing free from it’s confines. She was so focused on her lover, she yelped at the slick finger prodding her back entrance.

“I’m gonna wreck your back door, princess,” Bokuto whispered lowly into her ear before nibbling on it, finger circle around the tight hole.

Kenma finally got in on the action when he pushed two fingers past her plush lips, pressing down lightly on her tongue.

“You didn’t forget about me, did you?” he said, palming himself as he watched her close her lips around his fingers.

She couldn’t help but gasp when Bokuto finally slipped a finger into her hole, whining quietly at the unfamiliar sensation. At this point, with all the different sensations on her body happening at once, she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

“Tetsu, I— I— This, it’s, ah~! ”

She was taken away from the other men by Kuroo suddenly, flipping on top of him to press her bare chest to his. His dick was pressed against her thigh, a copious amount of precum glistening on the tip. Their lips locked in a hot kiss, and he didn’t seem to mind her calling him by his given name.

Bokuto stuck another finger in her hole, her moan being swallowed up by Kuroo’s mouth. He was scissoring and stretching it with lube to prep her for his own length. Kuroo placed both hands on her hips, maneuvering her to just the tip of his member. She was panting when she broke from the kiss, whining quietly as he rubbed against her slit.

Slowly, Kuroo lowered her onto him, whimpers escaping her lips as his hips pressed flush against hers.

“Good kitten,” he cooed, running his hand through her hair, “You’re taking me so well. Look at you, so pretty when you’re stuffed full of my cock.”

He let her sit for a minute, watching Bokuto as he pulled his lubed fingers from her hole. Akaashi handed him a condom, to which he quickly tore open and began rolling on his length.

Although his wasn’t as long as Kuroo’s, he made up for the loss with his impressive girth. He’d probably leave (Name) unable to walk for days if he was too rough. She wasn’t used to it the way Akaashi was.

“If you get too rough with my kitten Bokuto, I will bite your dick off,” Kuroo snapped, playfully but with a glimmer of seriousness in his eyes.

“Okay, okay! Got it,” he said whilst raising his arms in defense.

Akaashi moved to where her head was with Kenma, the two stripping away their own clothes and tossing them to the floor. She squeezed in delight seeing their cocks being pushed in front of her face, causing Kuroo to groan lowly underneath her.

“Kitten, if you squeeze like that again I might get a bit impatient and fuck you til you see stars,” he growled, causing her to smirk.

“I think that’s what you intend to do any— Ohhh fuck! ”

It slipped out of her mouth unintentionally as Bokuto sank his length into her hole, causing her to moan out the curse words. Which, in return, caused Kuroo to snap a hand at her already tender ass cheek.

He began to move his length inside her, thrusting up while Bokuto sank in. It started slow and steady, but soon the pace quickly became relentless. Kenna’s head prodded at her lips, which she happily accept, sucking and licking at his length. Her moans were muffled by his dick, and soon Akaashi was prodding his own at her lips too.

“Take them both, like the good kitten you are,” Kuroo said seeing as she hesitated.

She switched between sucking off Akaashi and Kenma while being rammed relentlessly from both Kuroo and Bokuto. It was hard to keep her attention on anything as so much was happening to her body at once. It didn’t help when Kuroo snakes his hand between their bodies, finding her clit and rubbing it in circles with her thumb. It caused her to spasm around him, and Kuroo realized she was finally edging onto her orgasm.

Bokuto was the first to cum, purely because he was still sensitive from the first time he came and it didn’t help how god damn tight (Name) was. He emptied his load into the condom and pulled out, slumping backwards onto the plush of the bed. She whined at the loss of contact, but immediately Kuroo picked up his pace in thrusting into her from underneath to reach their climaxes together. Unable to focus on anything but her boyfriend’s relentless pounding, she released Kenma’s member with a pop and leaving him to finish himself off, along with Akaashi but neither of them minded. The sight laid out before them was more than enough to bring them to their own ends.

Finally, (Name) clenched hard around Kuroo’s lenght as his thrusts became sloppier, his thumb still working relentlessly on her clit. With a loud cry, she came around him, and he wasn’t far behind. He pulled her flush against his hips, digging his finger into her own as he came deep inside her, letting out a deep groan of his own.

She let her weight collapse on top of him out of exhaustion, his softening member still deep inside her. Kuroo gently rolled her off him, pulling out to see their mixed fluids running down her thighs. The two of them were still panting as she cuddled into his side, wrapping her arms around his chest. He sighed in content, pulling her closer and turning to kiss her softly on the lips.

“You did so well, baby. God, I love you so much,” he said, peppering soft kisses all over her face, “How are you feeling? Do you need anything, kitten?”

“Happy birthday, Tetsu,” she mumbled, burying her face into his chest.

“I’ll run a bath for you two,” Akaashi said, sauntering to the bathroom already dressed in his boxers, “I know she’s sore at least from this one.”

He jabbed a thumb in the direction of Bokuto. His partner laughed softly as he stood up from the bed, finding his own discarded clothes on the floor.

“She took me like a champ though. Actually, all of us! Thanks for sharing her, Kuroo-kun,” he said, pulling on his jeans.

“It was her decision, ultimately. I sprung this unto her very last second,” he replied, gently scooping her up, “Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’m going to make sweet love to my girlfriend in the bath.”

Bokuto only laughed at this, Kenma rolling his eyes as he pulled on his shirt.

“Oh, and you all are free to stay the night. The couch pulls out and the guest bedroom is just down the hall,” he called out over his shoulder, brushing past Akaashi as he entered the bathroom.

Once the other men had sauntered off to do their own things, Kuroo locked the bedroom door and saw how peaceful his girlfriend looked surrounded by bubbles and the scent of lavender. He carefully stepped into the tub, pulling her into his lap as the warm water sloshed lightly around them.

“How you holding up, (Nickname)?” he said softly, carefully massaging some shampoo into her hair, “You feeling alright?”

“I feel like I should be the one doing this for you,” she giggled, leaning back into him.

“Oh, no no no. You’ve done enough for me tonight. Thank you, by the way. For riding along with my crazy idea,” Kuroo replied while scooping some water onto her head, “Here, tilt your head back for me.”

She obliged, him rinsing out the shampoo before gently running his fingers through her hair with some conditioner. Sighing in content, she turned her head to the side to give gentle kisses along his jaw.

“Now, if you keep doing that, I’m really gonna plow you into the tub.”

“Testurou!” she mumbled against his neck, laughing, “Just let me love on you a bit, just right now.”

(Name) turned her body around in the water, her lips finding Kuroo’s.

“I love you, baby,” she mumbled against his lips, smiling.

“I love you too, kitten,” he mumbled back, squeezing her gently, “But, since it’s my birthday can you give me one more present?”

“What is it, love?”

“Can I please actually plow you into the bath?”

“Fiiine,” she laughed gently, entangling her hand in the back of his wet hair, “Just be gentle, okay? My ass really hurts.”

“Damn Bokuto, told the guy to be gentle or I’d bite his dick.”

“You’d what?!” she exclaimed, widening her eyes.

“Nothing.”

Before she could reply, he silenced her with a kiss, and soon enough, they were making sweet love in the tub.

[roxyteal]

A Drawn To Life AU, that’s more like a thought experiment. It only plays into DTL1, so anything beyond that, I don’t have answers for. The gist is that Drew and Wilfre’s roles are swapped.

I’m deciding to call it, “Drawn Out Of Control”.

To explain:

The Mayor takes Wilfre’s challenging views on creation seriously, and asks the Creator for guidance. Drew is created as a chaperone, to ensure Wilfre doesn’t do anything reckless.

The two end up becoming good friends, despite Wilfre’s own, one-sided rocky start. One night, however, a discussion about drawing in the Book of Life is aired out.

Drew offers to try first.

The Book is taken to Wilfre’s home, but what was meant to be a simple flower turned into a color-dripping monstrosity. It almost kills Drew, who blamed the Creator for not helping him at his most dire. 

Please note that Drew here is a Creation Chaperone, not a Hero. Due to this, the concept of lives and dying was an unknown. As for Wilfre, he was pushed outside before he could be harmed.

In fury, the actions at the bridge occur, but Drew is the one tearing out the pages of the Book of Life. It takes the Mayor, Cricket, and Wilfre combined to tousle the Book away from Drew, who flees into the night. He’s been considered missing ever since.

Like before, the Creator seals off Creation Hall in grief, and goes silent on the villagers. The creations disappear with time. As for Wilfre, he takes responsibility for what transpired, and has since been serving a life sentence of village arrest. His views have not changed, but has realized that his method was the worst way to go about proving his point.

A few villagers refuse to believe Wilfre would ever do anything so heinous, while others chastise him. Regardless, most of the well-meaning adults tell their children, once they have them, to not talk to him.

The game portion of information will be under the cut.

At first, the events of the game play out like it normally would’ve. The first big difference is that, it’s colorful, vapor clouds that start covering up the village, rather than darkness. The second is that, since the cause of this is the long-lost Creation Chaperone, there’s no Hero for this task.

In an odd decision upon the Creator’s part, Wilfre is chosen for it instead. In place of the world gate-centric guns and eventual Legendary Sword, he is entrusted in the color draining paintbrush scepter. He is told that it can do as such, but should only in areas where “color is in excess”.

And the Creator was not exaggerating.

Meanwhile, Mari and Jowee are wary of such... Risky choices being made, but ultimately go with their wishes.

On the bridge, it’s here when Drew greets them, now completely covered in pure color. He isn’t happy about not being known or remembered:

And in the end, covers the bridge in the prisma vapor. Wilfre can’t get rid of them due to its lack of solidity.

Wilfre promises to tell the others everything he knows, once they’ve saved the Mayor.

The story continues without much other differences for a while, other than Wilfre’s sentence being temporarily lifted until everything is fixed, though it’s unspoken. Something he discovers, is how the siphoned color works - as a power source, it makes him more capable of handling these physical situations. He can also fire the collected color at foes!

The rest of the storyline, such as the Mari and Jowee arc, remain the same. Heather is a strange addition, Zsasha causes his thievery ruckus, the festival happens (though Wilfre is not called to the stage; Navy J still promises to write him a song for rescuing him), the same Raposa are saved, Mari is unsure about herself over inheriting Mayor-hood, everyone wonders what’s going on with Mike, the works. The only difference being, Wilfre is convinced that Mari will do fine.

Periodically, Drew would reappear to inform about the impending boss fights. He dramatically laments that he really misses how Wilfre was, when he was so passionate to make his voice heard, to show everyone how things could be.

It eventually turns to a proposal of joining his side of the fight, that Wilfre is above the rest of the Raposa, and that together, they could reshape the world the way they want it to look.

Wilfre refuses. Times have changed him, and he would rather instill change through steady commitment of indirect, but mindful, influence. It would surely catch on, with time.

Drew then remarks:

After many levels, bosses, and somewhat questionable Raposa rescues, the final showdown is nearing. It is then that the Creator informs Wilfre and the Mayor that the only way to stand against Drew is by emitting a beam of color from the scepter. By this point, Wilfre’s collected more than enough for that feat.

While Wilfre is away at Rapo Towers, Drew comes along and takes away the Book of Life from the Mayor, who was looking for Mari. With all the pages added back, he manifests a weapon to kill the Mayor.

The scene of the Mayor’s passing plays out very similarly, though Mari has no one to lash out at for not protecting her dad. So instead, she does so, at herself.

As creations start to dissipate, Wilfre catches on that it’s Drew’s doing. Scepter in hand, he goes through the secret fifth door, to Drew’s hideout. Compared to how Wilfre’s was dark and bleak, Drew’s is rather inviting and pleasant, but clearly still things weren’t quite right.

Drew doesn’t have a “friend” to have fight Wilfre, when the two are face-to-face. Instead, he’s using the Book of Life to pop in more creations from it like a sticker book. He flies on wings, throws Legendary Swords, and drops meteors. All Wilfre is able to do at this point is drain away all the excess color covering Drew, until his normal form remains.

Despite this, Wilfre is unable to talk him out of his madness, and fires the color beam. It shoots the Creation Chaperone out of the air, and he’s reduced to an unmoving, featureless mannequin on the ground within seconds.

“HE MIGHT COME BACK. REMOVE THE REST OF HIS COLOR.”

“IT MUST BE DONE. PLEASE, WILFRE; DO IT.”

With a heavy heart, Wilfre obliges.

The remaining excess color has evaporated, along with the rest of the prisma vapor clouds surrounding the village. The creations have returned, and the villagers rejoice. While still quite upset from what he had to do, Wilfre feigns pride and happiness to not draw suspicion.

In a moment of thought about the mayoral tradition of signing names, Mari decides that the Creator should sign theirs, as per usual. Then, one of Mari’s first acts as Mayor is to overturn Wilfre’s life sentence permanently.

Wilfre is baffled, but grateful. He decides to hitch a ride with Pirate Beard and Indee, to travel the world “one last time”. He knows he’s going to reach his elderly years soon, so he figures that it’s time to make the most of it while he still can.

This Is Not The End has the same memories and set-up, but of course the protagonist and antagonist roles for Drew and Wilfre are swapped. Jowee bails on joining the trip, like before. He and Mari stay in the Village, while Wilfre and the other aforementioned depart. The story closes here.

Thank you for reading to the end!

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 6 (HLITF)

if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one

👉 @theshove 👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 5 is right here! Happy reading :)

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, Reference to sexual activity, Forceful nature, description of traumatic child abuse.

~~~~~~

It had been a few days since Kaga went to negotiate with the mafia by himself. Ayumu seemed to have forgotten all about whatever he was trying to accuse me of, which only made being around him more nerve-wracking. I wondered if he was trying to gather evidence against me, but why would he waste his time doing that when we had a mission to prepare for? Well, knowing him, he could probably do both at the same time. Not that I would ever show the fact I was impressed by his skills- his head would grow two hat sizes bigger- but he was an efficient detective.

The mission in question was my undercover assignment with Instructor Kaga. As his girlfriend. In the moment, I was sat in the Monitor Room, partaking in an investigation briefing, surrounded by all of the special instructors. 

"Kaga and Atsuko will go undercover as a couple to tail Takeda." Soma reminded us all, showing a picture of the subject of the mission. 

"I've hacked into Takeda's cell phone GPS so I'll be able to find him," Shinonome announced. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I didn't have a smart phone with connection to external sources except for cell service. It was easy enough to hack into, especially for a man like my father who has endless amounts of money for tech-wizards to find me.

"The target is currently south of Main Street. According to Ishigami's information, it's likely he's heading to a luxury sweets bar." 

‘What the hell is a politician doing at a sweets bar?’ I quizzed myself, forgetting all about the fact he was a suspected criminal.

"It's a couple’s place. You two won't stand out at all. This is Takeda's favourite retreat." Maybe mistaking my confusion for worry, Ishigami ensured it was a place where we wouldn't seem suspicious. 

"In other words, it's likely a place where he holds secret meetings." Shinonome brought up the answer to my thoughts and I nodded in response.

"I've got the gist of it. Let's go, Atsuko." Immediately after saying my name, my instructor had his arm wrapped firmly around my shoulders. He laughed at me as he usually did, but he wasn’t normally this close. I could smell the cigarette smoke in his breath, mixed in with the fresh scent of mint. 

‘Ri-Right, we're a couple from now on.’ I sighed to myself. ‘Well, at least he won't bully me for a bit.’ Trying to lift my nervous spirits, I reminded myself why I was here in the first place.

"Motomori, good luck." Ayumu, who hadn't really spoken to me since our confrontation in the Staff Room, spoke up. My gaze darted to his, but he seemed unaware of any unease he had caused me.

"I wish you the best of luck." Soma chimed in to break our eye contact. 

"Kaga, I've said this countless times, but acting on your own accord is-." Ishigami could hardly get in a sentence before Kaga brushed him off. 

"I'm well aware. You don't have to tell me." Sounding like a bored kid, the Captain walked out of the room, taking me with him by his grip still around my shoulders.

~~~~~~

The sweet bar we arrived at was chic and the lighting was dim. There were fish tanks in the walls and champagne on almost every table. I couldn't help but grimace at all the fancy people sitting around us. This was the type of place my father liked to take us if he ever let us out. Usually we were an excuse to get cops off his tail or stop any suspicions.

"This is the place Takeda holds his secret meetings?" I spoke in a low voice, not wanting to draw attention from anyone eavesdropping. 

"Don't use that name anymore." All Kaga could do was criticise me for my loose tongue.

He and I were standing in the entrance, waiting to be seated. I forced myself to look around the shop, not wanting to seem restless in the stuffy atmosphere. Doing so, I noticed a man whose photo I had been studying. It was Takeda, sitting on a table in a far corner of the room. 

"Kaga, over there." Trying to seem more friendly and regard him more casually, as I was told in the briefing, I tried to get my instructor's attention.

"No. Do as you were told in the briefing." Not accepting that as personal enough, he whispered in my ear as we were directed to a table in the back. I grumbled a little, but gave it a go anyway. 

"Hyogo. That better?" Although it took a second, I was able to force the name out of my mouth.

"It could be better." He smirked as we passed behind Takeda. As we did, I noticed a blind spot in the corner of my eye, which I was sure my partner had also noticed.

When we were seated, Kaga removed the hand he had around my waist. "Okay, call the shop and ask for Takeda. Act like you're a reporter." He reminded me of the plan. I was meant to lead the politican away so that the Captain could plant a listening device.

"Sure thing." I whipped out my phone and called the sweet bar. Eventually, Takeda made his way to the phone at the counter.

"Hello, this is Takeda." The politician announced and Kaga got up to approach his table. Goto's team was busy distracting the staff from going over to Takeda's table so that Kaga wasn't spotted. 

"Hello, sir, sorry for the sudden call. I'm a reporter with Toho News." I watched as all of the members in the team in the bar worked seamlessly. Kaga was quick to plant the device and gave me a nod when he returned. "Well, there has been a rumour about you’re having an affair with a certain actress." Keeping my voice upbeat, the suspect quickly hung up after having a go at me for wasting his time.

"That was more nerve-wracking than I thought." I breathed a sigh of relief as I put my phone back in my bag, glad I hadn't made a mistake like accidentally blabbering our entire plan to the man we were tracking. 

"You did good." The blunt compliment was a little surprising, seeing as it seemed like the instructor could only ever see my faults. A small smile graced my lips as I saw Takeda take his seat.

Pushing an earphone in his ear, Kaga looked at me to hide the fact he is listening in on the suspect. As I decided not to distract him, Kaga started talking about the menu. I was sure it was to make us look less inconspicuous, so I quickly played along. 

"Well, they're sweets, so I'm sure I'd like just about anything." I smiled up at him as he was sitting next to me with the menu in one hand. We were sitting in a booth, allowing us the view of the whole room. Despite all the space, we were pushed up against each other, Kaga's hand on my hip. Even though I had never been on a date before, I was surprisingly comfortable in this situation. Maybe it was the excitement of the mission, but I was actually enjoying myself.

After we've ordered, Kaga stroked my cheek softly while we waiting. "You have a weird smile." He commented and it instantly flattened. I had heard from Naruko that my smile when I was hungry to work is a little... off-putting. She said I looked like a villain from a kid’s movie, which doesn't really instil me with confidence. 

"Well, I was excited." I pouted, crossing my arms on the table. Looking around at all the other couples, I noticed how close they were as well. I was trying to act like a girlfriend, but I had never done it before. I became a little disheartened.

That was until Kaga grabbed my chin, gently guiding me to look at him again. "Oh yeah, what're you excited about?" The evil grin on his face made it clear he was teasing me. 

"This is my first investigation," I stated bluntly, trying not to blush as our faces were so close. I couldn't pull my gaze away from him.

Suddenly, our waiter returned with our food and I diverted my eyes from my instructor. Kaga stabbed his cake with a fork and turned towards me. 

"Open up." He whispered in my ear, bringing the piece covered with cream to my mouth. I worried he might carelessly shove it down my throat in an effort to punish me in someway or another, so I wasn't all that happy to follow his order.

"Hold on, promise you won't choke me." I was hesitant at first, but the look on his face forced me to open my mouth. He gently fed me the cake and it was actually quite nice.

As I'm fascinated by the flavour, Kaga got my attention with a simple "Hey". When I looked up from the food in front of us, my instructor's face was right in front of mine. The closeness brought me back to everything Naruko had said about him, and I couldn’t help but blush. 

‘He's more handsome up close.’ I couldn't help the thought from crossing my mind as he started drawing closer. Before I know it, he has gently pressed his lips on mine. I hadn't even thought that was a possibility in the situation.

‘Th-That was my first kiss.’ I was wide-eyed as he drew back, swiping his finger along my lip and licking the cream that came off it. ‘I don't think I'm breathing.’ I reminded myself to do as such as I stared at him. 

"That's fairly good. The sweetness is perfect." He smirked down at me. 

"Y-You j-just..." Stumbling over my words, I couldn't stop looking at him. 

"If you're not going to eat it, then give it to me." Kaga gradually ate his way through all of the sweets in front of us. I was too shocked to protest to my half being eaten.

Forcing myself to think about something else, I remembered the night I brought him his midnight snack. ‘He must have a sweet tooth.’ I thought back to the two pots of mousse he wolfed down that night.

Suddenly, he put his fork down and his finger on his ear where he had the earpiece. "The woman." Directing my attention back to the table, I glanced over and was in shock of who it is.

Juna.

My sister's birth name echoed in my brain as I felt an arm gently wrap around my waist and pull me towards the man I was sitting with. My mouth went dry and my eyes felt a little dewy. Even though she had a lot of makeup on, I could tell it was my twin sister. It was that distinctive dark green hair she had pinned back. She hadn't noticed me yet as she sat at the politician's table.

‘Dad must be working with him.’ I regained my composure as I remembered why I was here. 

"Don't look." One hand on my waist, Kaga grabbed my hand with his other. "Your voice will be easily picked up. Don't get flustered." Maybe realising how shocked I was when I saw the woman dressed in fine clothing entering the shop, Kaga tried to silence me so that I wouldn't talk over the two. His lips were so close to my ear, I could feel them brushing against my lobe as he whispers. I nodded several times, but he didn't let go of my hand.

‘I need to go to the bathroom. What if she sees me and says something without realising?’ I began to panic as all the worst-case scenarios flood into my brain. 

"She looks like a normal woman, but she's an intermediary," Kaga informed me, thinking I have no idea what was going on. 

‘I know full well what he's using her for.’ I spat internally, trying to ease my hand out of his. "I'm going to the bathroom." I jumped up quick enough so that he had no time to decline me. On my way, my sister's gaze fell to my silhouette disappearing through the door.

In the empty restroom, I clutched the sink basin to try and calm my breathing. ‘Okay. Game plan. So, if she's seen me, she'll probably follow me in. I can explain to her then, but we can't spend too much time in here together or Kaga will get suspicious.’

Suddenly, the door openen and I spun around to see who it was. 

"Katsumi." My sister gasped my birth name, running over and throwing her arms around my neck. I was frozen stiff, not knowing what to do. 

"Juna, I heard that you quit and then this guy called me from a payphone. What happened to you?" My worry overflowed as I pulled back and held her hands to make sure she was tangible. 

"He found me at a concert a few months ago. Then, a couple weeks ago, he pulled me off the street. I was so scared." She was teary-eyed by now, but I held her cheeks to try and catch her tears. 

"It's okay. I can help you. I'll help you get out." I commanded as her gaze fell to the floor. She looked so lost, so scared and broken, it seemed like the only expression I ever saw on her face in person. Those emotions and feelings were the only constants in our lives, the familiarity of them all too nostalgic. Although, not the good kind. 

"But how, Katsu? It's not like he's eased security." Juna was a mess as she explained how little time she got alone.

"Look, I got into an academy to become a detective. I won't tell you everything because it'll just put you in danger, but I'm on a mission right now." I explained. 

"For Takeda." She nodded in understanding. 

"Right. If this ties to dad, I can find a way to get you out of there. Meet me as this address this weekend. It's a safe place, I promise." I wrote an address down for a cafe I knew was outside of our father's territory. "We can talk more there. But, I need to go now or I'll look suspicious." I hugged her one more time as she stared down at the napkin I had pulled from our table.

"Katsumi," Juna called out as I reached for the door handle. I turned back to see her smiling. "I missed you." The words made me feel like my heart was breaking into even smaller pieces than they already were to let her go back to that man. With a heavy sigh, I smiled back. 

"I missed you too."

~~~~~~

Once I returned to our table, Kaga didn't seem very happy. I explained that, even though she had followed in after me, the woman sitting with Takeda didn't talk to me. It didn't take long for Juna to clean herself up and return to the table. 

"What are they saying?" Hoping to ease the anger from my instructor, I spoke in a low tone. 

"They seem to be setting up a private meeting involving the Prime Minister. But does he really have anything to do with this?" Kaga's expression became severe as it seemed like we're uncovering a government conspiracy.

"What do you think they're planning on doing?" I was quiet, not trying to impede on the investigation. 

"There's been some reports of strange monetary movements recently. That could be in exchange for national secrets." He whispered in my ear and my heart raced. 

‘Dad getting involved in government secrets? Oh my god, what is he planning?’ I bit my lip, my eyes darting around, trying to figure out what my sister was talking about. 

"It has to be someone else, not the Prime Minister. There must be some scheme." Not believing the prime minister could be corrupt, Kaga went on to explain that they're talking in code to set up a meeting. I had been out of the ‘family business’ for so long, I didn't think there was any way I could help to decode what they said. That would be awfully suspicious as well, especially since our conversation will be sent to Shinonome for decoding.

Suddenly, Kaga stopped talking and I peered up at him for answers. "Seems like they're bumping the meeting up to tonight." He announced quietly and I got the gist of what he was suggesting. "We're going to tail Takeda and track down the others." As Kaga explained that, Takeda and Juna stod up, splitting up. My instructor callsd Shinonome so we could continue to track the politician's GPS and follow him.

"Let's go." Sliding the phone back into his pocket, I stood up and Kaga slipped an arm around my waist once more. 

‘He seems too used to this.’ I gazed up at his profile as the growing awareness of my racing heart pounded in my ears. On our way out, I saw Juna getting into a car on the sidewalk just outside the shop. I couldn't help but let my eyes wander to her and our gazes click together. Her expression was somewhat sad and I could see the panic in her eyes as the man driving yelled at her to get back in the car. She looked from him and then back to me, and I worried Kaga would notice the way she stared at me. That knowing gaze boring into me. I mouth to her that she would be safe before she was pushed into the car without anyone noticing me.

~~~~~~

After following the directions Ayumu gave us, we finally saw Takeda, who I now noticed had two men by his side. 

‘They could be dad's people.’ I thought, staring intensely at the back of their heads. This looked a little suspicious due to their muscles and tightly shaved heads. Having seen my sister was okay, I had a new spark in my heart to do well in the investigation.

Suddenly, maybe feeling eyes on his back, Takeda seemed a little hyperaware. Scared he was going to turn around, I pulled on Kaga's blazer and pushed myself up against a glass building. 

"What're you-?" Maybe taken aback by my sudden forwardness, my instructor glared down at me. 

"He's looking right at us." With my face hidden from them all, I frowned up at him, speaking in a whisper.

With this new piece of information, Kaga trapped me in his strong arms. "H-Hey now." I began to panic, not realising this was the situation I was getting myself into. 

"Relax, you're so stiff." He grunted as my face was buried in his chest. "If you give us up now, this was all meaningless." With those words echoing in my skull, I swallowed my pride and stared up at him. His expression was stern, having his back to the men so they couldn't see. Then, he ran a hand through my hair. My breathing hitched as his lips touch my temple. I gulped to try and calm myself down as his hand trailed from my cheek to my neck and then to my chest, reaching for the buttons on my blouse.

‘Is that bit necessary?’ By now, my cheeks had flared up beyond belief.

"Don't take your eyes off Takeda." With his head nestled in my hair, I was able to take peeks at Takeda, who had now started walking about.

"He's gone." My voice was shaky as Takeda disappeared into an alleyway. Kaga broke away from me and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

"That was quick thinking." He grumbled as we started walking again. Through all of it, I remembered I had initiated it. All I could do is make quiet noises in response. 

‘You have to get used to this, Atsuko. This is what undercover is like.’ I told myself off for getting so excited as we slowly trailed the steps of the politician.

As we were about to turn the corner, Kaga stopped. I looked up at him in confusion as I noticed the crease in his brows. "I've got a bad feeling. We're going another way." He turned suddenly and, holding my hand, he pulled me along with him. As I stumbled over my heels that I wasn’t used to wearing, I kicked a bottle and the clashing sound vibrated in the silent street. "What're you doing, moron?" Kaga glared back at me as I regained my balance. 

"Well, you just pull-."

Before I could finish complaining, someone jumped out of the shadows, brandishing a knife in one hand. 

"Die, Kaga!" The man yelled out, lifting the knife above his head. 

"Instructor!" I pointed the man out as I jumped in front of Kaga, punching the man just under his ribcage and grabbing his wrist. Shaking the knife out of his hand, the man fell to the floor. Kaga quickly kicked the knife away, asking the man who he was sent by.

With my heart racing from the adrenaline rush, the man tried, and was successful in making a break for it. He disappeared around the same corner as Takeda. I had loosened my grip so Kaga could interrogate him to heart's content, but didn't think about how that would turn out.

"Missed him," Kaga grumbled, watching the man flee. 

‘I should call Shinonome and get him to track Takeda.’ Finding the need to fix what I messed up, I pulled my phone out of my bag.

"What're you doing?" Kaga turned back around to see me typing out the number. I was about to explain, but the instructor cut me off. "Too late. He's probably already noticed we're tailing him." Kaga sighed and my heart dropped. Disappointed in my clumsiness, I apologised. 

"I don't need apologies." Kaga was scowling at me, probably calling me a useless moron. 

"I lost sight of Takeda and ruined all our work." My annoyance was most likely displayed on my face. I bowed my head despite myself, but Kaga only stared at me. Noticing the time, I saw that it was long past the last train. 

‘Am I really that useless?’ I sighed to myself, spacing out at how much I screwed up. How the hell was I supposed to save my sister when I couldn't even stay silent enough to follow someone?

"Your leg." He suddenly announced and my gaze jumped to him. I saw him looking at my leg, so I follow his gaze to see a slice of red on pale skin. 

‘Oh... The blade must have hit me when it fell.’ Blood trickled from my shin. "It's fine, I can walk." I sighed, more annoyed than in pain. 

"I can't leave you here." Seemingly ignoring me, Kaga offered me support to walk. I gave in, not wanting to reject my instructor.

"Are we going to the dorms?" I asked, a little embarrassed. It felt like I was making one mistake after another. 

"My apartment's closer from here." His exasperated expression was so close to my face as I hobbled beside him. 

"Your apartment?" I yelled out in shock, worried about being alone with him in his personal space. 

"Don't shout in my ear." He complained and I quickly shut up.

~~~~~~

Kaga's apartment was much more upscale than I expected it to be. ‘How much does a Public Safety Detective make, anyway?’ I awed at all the expensive furniture and worried about bleeding over his floors. My instructor told me to sit on his leather sofa and I try to angle my leg where I wouldn't damage it. He pulled a first aid kit out of somewhere and kneeled in front of me to lift my long skirt. 

"I-I can clean it myself, thanks." I panicked as he cradled my ankle in his hands, moving it around to see if I had caused any further damage. 

"Quiet..." He grunted and I shut up, scared to anger him so much he kicked me out without warning.

As he fixes up my leg, a sharp pain shooting up my leg from the antiseptic, I couldn't help but think about my sister. She has to be okay. She's useful to him. I bit the tip of my thumb when another sharp pain made my leg jerk.

"Hey!" I yelped, too much in my own head to remember what was going on. 

"I'm going to put this on." His hands came to a stop on my calf as he put on the gauze and bandages. As he stares at his handy work, I peered into his face. He looked interested in something. When I was about to ask, he started poking and pinching my skin.

"H-Hey! What're you doing?" I jumped from the sudden action, slightly ticklish from his finger gliding along my skin, a sensation I wasn’t not used to. 

"I'm reducing swelling." He looked somewhat satisfied at the softness of my leg. 

"More like inducing it." I pouted, looking away as I crossed my arms.

Suddenly, his hand moved further up, towards my thigh. "Ha-Hang on. This is sexual harassment!" I yelled, pushing his hand back. 

"Hush. Stop with the shouting. I'm enjoying the feeling." His serious glare shot up at me. 

"Does it look like I care? Hands off." I held his hands away from my body as he frowned.

"I'm going to take a bath. I expect you to have dinner waiting." He stood up and I almost snorted at the request. 

"You expect me to cook you food?" I raised an eyebrow. He may have patched me up, but my leg still killed. 

"Is there anyone else here?" He questioned, his concerned frown returning. "You can use whatever's in the fridge." He looked down at my shocked face. "Or would you rather get in the bath with me?" A teasing smirk played on his face and I jumped up. 

"No thank you!" I cheered, waddling over to the kitchen on the other side of the room.

Opening up the refrigerator, I couldn't say I was surprised by what I saw. 

‘Well, he's definitely a sweet tooth.’ Remembering all the instances of Kaga before now and all the sweet rice cakes he ate, I couldn't help but smile. ‘I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover.’ I laughed, thinking how a man like Kaga could enjoy sweet things so openly. There were very little ingredients that could be used for a real meal, not to mention the absence of any vegetables. I hurried to make a recipe of meat wrapped in seaweed dumplings. I praised myself for being lucky for the past experience I had in a Japanese kitchen.

~~~~~~

As I'm finishing up the dumplings, Kaga returned from his bath. His hair was wet. ‘Wow... He is... Just, wow.’ I couldn't help but let my mind wander as I saw the sex appeal he was exerting. He frowned, somewhat perplexed by me not saying anything. 

"Hey, what're you just loafing around for?" He jabbed and I jumped out of my trance. 

"You have no vegetables in your fridge," I commented to distract him from my staring, turning back to the dumpling I was about to finish. 

"It's not like I'll die if I don't eat them." He frowned, but it was different from the times he has frowned at my mistakes. 

‘Is he... Pouting?’ A blush flared up my cheeks as I thought about how he must have been as a kid at his childish comment.

"Dumplings?" He spoke up, peering over my shoulder at the food I had prepared. I tried to ignore the warmth of him on my back. 

"It's the best I could come up with when you have next to nothing in your fridge," I explained, putting them all on a plate. "Don't worry, I used seaweed, so it's healthy!" I smiled, turning to him on the couch.

He stuffs one in his mouth without any complaints. Then, he returned for another, and another, and another until they're all gone. 

"Well, you didn't entirely mess that up." He seemed to compliment me as I sat as well.

"I used to work at a cafe, so I learned a lot while I was there," I commented, smiling back to my time before I entered the police academy. After I ran away from home, I needed money. I was lucky enough to get the job there, and the people were all so nice. Although, maybe they pitied me for having such big dreams to become a detective.

"Where's your's?" Noticing I hadn't eaten, Kaga pulled my attention back to earth. 

"Oh, I wasn't hungry." I shook my head, pulling my foot onto the sofa. I was starting to get a little uneasy, realising I was in a man's apartment. Alone. It was my first time. The thought of 'first-times' brought back the memory of our kiss and I blushed.

While I was spiralling into embarrassment, Kaga retrieved something from the refrigerator and had thrown something at me. "At least eat this." I jumped out of my thoughts to grab it, finding a sweet rice cake in my hand. 

"Oh... You sure?" Thinking about how much he must love these to stockpile them, I looked up at him glaring at me. 

"I've got plenty. If I run out, I'll buy more." He shrugged, falling back onto the sofa. I began to unwrap the sweet when I realised the rare packaging. Naruko was always complaining she couldn't find any. I could really care less about candy flavours, sugar is sugar, but I know finery when I see it.

"How did you manage to get so many?" I was in shock as I thought back to the contents of the fridge. 

"I bought them at every store I saw them in." He explained and I was honestly shocked with how far he went. 

‘Who are you and what have you done with my instructor?’ I yelled in my head as I stared at him digging into the one he brought over for himself. ‘First the first-aid, now he's feeding me a rare candy?’ I continue to stare in bewilderment.

"Give it here if you're not going to eat it. Or are you going to make me feed you like I did earlier?" He held out his hand but I quickly denied him. He laughed faintly at my blatant shock. When I turned my gaze back to him in surprise, it isn't a happy expression I see on his face. It's the same, cold stare he always shows me. 

‘He does seem a little more laid back than usual... Maybe it's because this is his private space?’ Knowing I would calm down too if I was in my dorm room, I continued munching on the cake in my hands.

"Anyway, when you're done, go to bed." He commanded. 

"Okay. If I could get a blanket, I'll be fine." I announced that I would sleep on the couch, but he quickly rejected me. 

"You'll sleep in the bed." The kind, yet indifferent, statement was a little shocking.

"But this is your home," I argued, but it only made him tired. 

"I said it's fine. I don't need the unnecessary modesty."

"I'm sure you're more tired than I am. The sofa will be difficult to sleep on." I responded stubbornly. 

"I'm not tired. And you're probably a wreck mentally." 

‘Well, you're not wrong there.’ I sighed to myself, not seeing the confrontation going anywhere positive. 

"If you tell me you're not tired yet, I'm kicking you out." He scowled. 

"No, no, thank you. I'm going." I jumped up from the sofa, not wanting to walk back to the dorms this late at night.

~~~~~~

In his bedroom, I couldn't help but look at the sofa he was going to sleep on. 

"What? You're staring." He jerked his head at me and I shook mine. "Do you want me to jump into bed with you?" His suggestive comment was void when his expression didn't change. 

"No, thank you," I replied bluntly, suddenly overcome with a wave of tiredness. 

"Then, do you wish we could sleep together?" I could see the growing smirk on his lips as I yawned. 

"I don't."

‘It might be a weird way of going around it, but he's trying to be kind.’ I think as I sit on his bed.

When the lights go out, I noticed Kaga tossing and turning for a bit before he finally relaxed. As I thought back on all the kind things he had done, and not just today, I remembered the rumour that went around. 

‘He can't have killed his partner. I don't believe it.’ Because he's usually so scary, I wasn’t surprised that a rumour like that could spread so quickly. 

I thought back to the scared woman I saw in the bathroom and shut my eyes, falling asleep fairly quickly. ‘I have to become a good detective like him. So I can save Juna.’

~~~~~~

In the middle of the night, I woke up with a sudden deep breath. 

‘Just a dream.’ I told myself as I looked around at my surroundings and noticed they weren't what they were in my nightmare. I had dreamt about my childhood, soon after my mother had disappeared, and dad was mad. He was angrier than I had ever seen him. Luckily, Juna was at the community centre, taking music lessons. Dad, on the other hand, was screaming at a go-between for another gang.

"Why haven't you found her yet?" He roared, throwing an old vase at the man kneeling on the ground. He was beaten up and the water splashed out around him, making most of the people in the room jump. Including me, who had been peering around the corner of a door frame.

"We've followed everyone she knows. No one knows anything. It's like she disappeared into thin air!" The theatrical display the man was showing only made my father angrier. 

"That's impossible! Find her or you will take her place in the dirt!" My father roared, making the man scurry out of our living room. Following the pathetic man, my father's gaze fell on me.

"You see, Katsumi. This is what happens to traitors!" My father stormed forward, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into the room. I tried to struggle, but he threw me in front of someone lying on the floor. I couldn't see his front, but there was blood oozing out of his neck. I threw myself back, not wanting to listen to the dying gurgles of the victim in front of me.

"Katsumi, you will look! Look at what your mother has caused!" My father yelled, grabbing my wrist tightly and forcing my head to look in his direction. When I tried to struggle again, he hit me. I cried out, tears already falling down my cheeks, and he eventually started taking his anger out of me.

As I sat there, panting in the dark room, I clutched the sheets to help me realise I was awake. I gulped, blinking several times to help me see through the darkness. When my heart wouldn't slow down, I crawled out of the bed and walked back to Kaga's living room, wanting to turn some lights on without waking him up.

Sitting on his couch, looking out at the city below me, I bit the tip of my thumb. I couldn't stop thinking about what my father could be doing to my sister since he found her. I looked down at my hands, using one hand to feel the smoothness of my fingertips. 

I had tried to escape once. Just to see if it was possible. Of course, one of my uncles caught me and told my father. That night, he forced my hand into a pot of bubbling oil and it burned off my fingerprints, and any nerves in them. Then, to somehow scar me further, he told me the only way I could soothe the pain was washing them in the tub of boiling water next to me. With blistering hands, I remembered him telling me that if I did go missing, no one would ever be able to identify me. He wouldn't come forth and I would be buried nameless. I gulped, thinking back to the tears pouring down my sister's face as my father made her watch the feeling in my hands practically melting away.

‘I have to stop making stupid mistakes.’ I tell myself, falling back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. As I thought about all the ways I could have done that day to make myself a better detective, I fell asleep.

[rigelmejo]

6/28 I DID A LOT

WOOH

WOOH

I talked in chinese today! For around a half hour!! AHHHHHHHH

ANYWAY

AHHHHHHH

IM SO HAPPY I WAS UNDERSTANDABLE AHHGGHGSIUSJAJEJDJEEJIE

So first of all I practiced with Google translate today beforehand (lol yes machine translate isn’t perfect). I clicked the app, clicked transcribe, spoke in chinese then saw if the English translation it was producing was close enough to what I was trying to mean to say. (Also I learned chinese transcribe will need to process for a few moments if you play Chinese audio like from a podcast because at first it will give you a sucky transcription lol and then correct itself). Anyway so I did that and quickly learned: Google translate WILL fucking think I am speaking sentences when I’ve only said a couple words of my sentence because I pause “too long” so when I tried thinking of tones or grammar I spoke too fucking slow for the app so BAM I had to speak faster for the app just to comprehend me. So I did not practice Thinking about how the fuck to say things right much, just how to recall words on a fucking speed time limit lol. So uh that was an experience. I’ll definitely say that my 学习普通话 app is way better for me actually practicing pronunciation with any success, because Google just will NOT tolerate me speaking slowly goddamn.

Anyway so then tonight I spoke with my language partner. Well

WELL

good news: I was understood, I was told I sound pretty standard and they can tell I maybe imitate some peoples phrases and words from shows I watch (which in this case is a compliment since they said weeks ago when I asked how they improved their standard mandarin accent for a speech competition that’s what They did and the kind of shadowing they suggested I try doing more for accent work).

My grammar and word choice was understandable (I KNOW I wasn’t perfect and there were fucking mistakes Especially just notable spots where I forgot common words and tried to talk Circles around those words to describe them since I know Enough words to kind of “explain around” and come up with a more word description of a simple word I forgot sometimes but fuck is it probably awkward to listen to. Like I forgot “back then/at that time” so I said “the time when I was in high school” or “in high school I..” just because I couldn’t say “that time” on the spot, also fucking I forgot how to say “also” and “or” in certain ways and just had to figure out a different way to make my point like “this is like that” or “not the same” ToT).

Anyway regardless it’s a real big accomplishment to me. Reasons being: 1. I’ve never talked in chinese that long straight or to someone else communicating, or telling stories about my life and asking questions and actually testing my fucking communication abilities past small talk. Even talking alone to myself it’s just phrases or small situations where if I forget a word I just stop, so this was huge for me. 2. I did not have time to think about tones period while talking today with my language partner so like being comprehensible is!!!! GREAT. Considering I tried speaking to a language partner simple common word tone pair examples or very simple small talk at 5 months into learning and remember being incomprehensible like 50% of the time. Versus me now a little under 2 years in so being able to simply not be constantly thinking about tones and still know I might be understood (and in this specific case was understood) is nice to know. 3. I did better at winging vocabulary and talking my way around words I didn’t know than i thought I could. 4. REALLY simply tone and grammar being comprehensible is blowing my mind on its own - I know there were many mistakes (I personally could hear my 3rd tone not always sounding right to my own ear, and know I heard a few grammar mistakes I heard after I’d made my point lol). But just being comprehensible enough for someone understand my points even if I made those mistakes was really cool. 5. I’m hoping this means all the things I’ve been doing lately: the Listening Reading, the watching shows with English subs this month while repeating some of the Chinese lines to myself, listening to audiobooks and repeating many of the lines to myself, and the weekly language exchange I’ve been doing, have all been helping to some degree. Improving production skills is not something I’ve tried studying before and so basically all that I’m doing is flailing around trying stuff and hoping something is useful. It’s nice to see something must be if I’ve managed this.

Anyway it was just very very cool to be understandable. ;-; At this time last year I was absolutely assuming it would take years to get even a little understandable. Also for now idk this proved to me to maybe just stick to shadowing for a while and Not specifically thinking of tones While actively speaking. For a while I thought of them actively which made me clearer and I think was important and helped, at this point currently I think sometimes i overthink and trying to speak from memory/more shadowing practice might help it become a bit more automatic? And then I can go back to some corrective work where I’m messing up specifically or haven’t internalized certain words/phrases tones maybe.

—

IN OTHER NEWS

today I ALSO played 4 hours of Kingdom Hearts II in Japanese WHICH WAS AN EXPERIENCE

AN EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER HAD BEFORE LIKE FUCKING THIS

So 1. EONS easier than last time I studied Japanese. For context at 2-2.5 years into studying Japanese I played the opening of KH2. I remember it was brutal, I used my phone constantly to look up words, but I got through like the opening portion to the first save point after the haunted mansion (so like is that day 2? Basically what’s usually .5-1 hour of play or less that took me a few hours back then). It was doable, kinda brutal, but also I have kh2 near to my heart so I could play it without reading when I felt drained. Now?? I had over a year break from Japanese study (maybe 2-3 years break idk). I reviewed Japanese in I think March-April 2021 this year. April/May to June (now) I’ve been studying some new material. The biggest new material being some more Nukemarine memrise decks, and Clozemaster as of this month. So like... this Eons of improvement is after a long ass gap of no study, a cram review, and some just beyond last-times-progress kind of new study. It is a HUGE difference to me in how it feels.

I did not use a dictionary at all this time. I did not play slow either, I read at a speed much more bearable, I comprehended most sentences totally (understanding words because of a mix of knowing most words, knowing the context for the words since I know KH2 WELL, knowing Hanzi from chinese, and thanks to Clozemaster of all things feeling a lot better/quicker with Japanese grammar comprehension), and a few sentences I knew the overall gist because of recognizing the Hanzi (tho they were being used in words that aren’t similar to Chinese), the grammar overall (the rough intention of the sentence), and knowing KH2 well enough to remember the main idea of th English sentence. So it was overall a much more pleasant, easygoing experience this time around playing! It was something where I COULD play 50 hours of Japanese KH2 now.

This kind of showed me some things: first that knowing a basis in chinese (for me) makes a huge difference. Kanji now make words easier for me to learn and guess. I can now recognize when some pronunciations are somewhat similar to Chinese words. I can recognize when some kanji are used to mean Different things from Chinese (since I know the English context too). I can also now actually Like and Appreciate that KH2 specifically uses kanji in some speech bubbles and scenes then hiragana for the same words at other times - it gives me a chance to use context to see both versions of the word and learn both the pronunciation and kanji a bit more. Now I have katakana English like words and kanji (in the sense of their similarities to Hanzi) and my basic grammar grasp to rely on to parse sentences which makes all of it much easier. For me chinese was just easier, and that’s now paying off also in making Japanese easier in some ways than it was before.

I also appreciate now why “prior context” and “comprehensible input” are encouraged so much. My effort level is comfortable and NOT draining, so I could’ve kept my playing for hours and I did not need a dictionary for new words because I had TONS of context. Part of this is KH2 being a game I know super well (so even back at year 2 it was doable if draining when no other video game probably would’ve been doable at all). So it makes sense now it would be the first comfortable feeling one. It is VERY comprehensible input for me, especially now with some of the Japanese improvements I’ve made.

Whereas I tried to play crisis core a month ago (doable but DRAINING in part because I knew the game so comprehensible but I didn’t HAVE the game remembered by heart like KH2 so I had to slow down to read everything slowly and figure out words much slower with no prior meaning in my head for many parts), and persona 3 (which was doable but DRAINING in part because I have little prior context compared to cc or KH2 and in part because it has so much reading). Also KH2 is easier to read than cc or persona 3 - kh2 is obviously meant for age 10+ and so the amount of text I’m required to read is shorter, a lot of conversational stuff and not layered (cc had a lot of technical paragraphs of directions for missions and persona is aimed at older teens and has much more like “think about it more long term” conversations which I struggle more to parse). Also just persona 3 has so much dialogue I started speed reading just to get to a save point which felt Draining. Whereas KH2 the reading is comfortable so I don’t read too slow, and so it doesn’t feel as draining since it’s not slow nor do I have to rush at lower comprehension to get through it - I can just read and comprehend everything as much as I can at a reasonably non draining pace.

Also I DO think Clozemaster (so kudos to u app) is actually helping noticeably. I’m doing Clozemaster Japanese by common word tracks (still in the 100 most common words sentences and almost done). I’ve been doing listening mode and then reading sentences after. I can TELL it’s helped me already with the following. I’m doing better at recognizing some grammar structure particles/words/conjugations in various forms and levels of politeness. I now have much less issue telling how to separate sentences into word/grammar functions - it makes everything just much easier to start being able to segment my sentences as I read so I can just pinpoint WHAT parts I know versus don’t know and what their rough function is (and since in KH2 I know the English lines usually it makes it way easier to guess what words mean roughly what English translation). I also read some manga during this past month that’s also helped with this skill. I noticed Clozemaster also is just helping with it a lot since in Clozemaster the politeness level varies and stuff so I’m forced to practice guessing and figuring it out more with Clozemaster sentences over and over. The listening mode has helped because I can tell that some of the most common words I can hear more instinctively now and read aloud at a more normal pace now. I still CLEARLY read over listening when the subtitles in KH2 are there if I don’t know a word, so my listening has HUNDREDS or likely thousands of hours to go (my Chinese is much much better). But I can already notice the sheer fact Clozemaster listening question mode is forcing me to 1 HEAR Japanese more (and I need like what 2000 hours listening) and 2 start recognizing more easily at least recognizing words I’ve learned when I hear them (whereas before I would struggle to hear certain words even if I’d studied just because I’d read-studied a lot but not actually heard much of those words much). Now this all isn’t a huge help with new words in KH2 since I’m learning to read them from the game but my listening isn’t picking them up or Parsing them well. But as far as IN Clozemaster: yes the constant audio word drilling is helping me recognize words by sound which is great since thanks to Chinese kanji recognition is now not intensely difficult, it’s the sound recognition and match up to spelling that’s now the major confusion for me. I mean grammar is also confusing.. and will take years... I do think Clozemaster forcing me to practice interpreting the grammar somewhat with nothing to help me is helping me at least feel less drained by the grammar. I used Clozemaster before for french and chinese at the stage between graded readers and actual native speaker material, and I think for Japanese it’s also Good for this purpose. Clozemaster is good for a lot of immersion-like sentence reading practice, with tools to make it easier like a translation and mostly words you know in each sentence. Making it a bit easier than just diving into the deep end into a random novel. I do think it helps with preparing you for less learner-tailored materials a bit while still being easier than native speaker materials so you can practice without feeling youre drowning.

anyway ahh. WOOH I PLAYED KH2 in japanese today!!! I HAD FUN

gonna do it some more.

kh2 is maybe THE original reason i started trying to learn japanese. its really fun playing it now.

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And finally, while I’m at it: I am ALMOST done with the Sundial arc in Guardian Listening Reading wise. I’m on chapter 17. I have like 2 days left so who knows maybe I can manage to finish the sundial arc we’ll see.

What I mostly did this month was Redo L-R chapter 1-12 with a second audiobook, read the novel print version up to chapter 12, read chapter 1-2 in the traditional print version, also read maybe 4 chapters of other random things, listened to audiobook files of stuff overall idk 20+ times while repeating after a lot of lines, did a small amount of Clozemaster chinese (mostly just Radio mode), did 30 min - 1 hour writing or speaking language exchange sessions once a week, and watch a bunch of Chinese shows with English subs this month while repeating after a lot of lines.

As you can tell my reading Amount lowered significantly since the past couple months. However, I think I’ve pushed up my listening amounts a little.