#but who else would be that passionate about physics terminology??

[comite-de-salut-public]

What do you mean 'ghost problem again'???? Did Marat haunt your asses or...???

Well if anyone else is causing problems with the sewer, we'd be happy to investigate alternative explanations. Although that's not even getting into the grumbling about non-Newtonian physics that I've heard down the hall when nobody else is there. Either Citizen Prieur-Duvernois is a talented ventriloquist arguing with himself, or he's having scientific debates with the supernatural, but that's not really my business, is it?

[getvalentined]

I've talked about the Nibelheim Doom Triangle many times, but I'm not sure I've ever actually put into words why I believe Lucrecia made the choice she did, at least not in a public forum. Given that Vincent has reentered the public consciousness with Rebirth, it's probably a good time.

We are not going to subscribe to the statement in the Ultimania that Lucrecia married Hojo out of pity because nobody in the company respected his work the same way nobody respected her thesis, because that's not only entirely out of character, but goes directly against what actually happened. Hojo was the lead assistant on Project S, like Gillian was on Project G; Gast selected him, his ideas, his theories, as being the best option after Project G failed. No one else was given this opportunity. After Sephiroth was born, Hojo was then moved (with Lucrecia and Hollander, but not Gillian, who had left the company) to work on Project 0—Shinra's single most important attempt at forcing humanity to progress as a species. Hojo was respected, and Lucrecia may be callow but she's never been the kind of woman who would marry someone out of pity. With that out of the way, we can get into my take on her decision.

I want to be explicitly clear: I don't believe it has anything to do with how attractive Vincent is versus Hojo, and I don't believe that it should. Asserting that Vincent's level of attractiveness should have been the key deciding factor in Lucrecia's decision does a disservice to her depth of character. Period. That isn't even addressing the fact that we're comparing a man who is eternally twenty-seven years old and was in peak physical condition at the time of his death to a man who is in his early sixties and has clearly not taken particularly good care of himself. We've never actually seen what Hojo looked like when he was young, since SE only ever uses one model for him in all modern iterations, so this is a moot point.

That said, Vincent's appearance was a mitigating factor in Lucrecia's decision—and it worked in Hojo's favor, not Vincent's.

We're almost twenty years out since the release of Dirge of Cerberus, so I feel like I can confidently state that Lucrecia was almost certainly in love with Grimoire Valentine. (This is proven in official meta, wherein Lucrecia's feelings for Grimoire are described using the same terminology as Vincent's feelings for Lucrecia.) It was unspoken, unrequited, and doomed from the start, but the affection she had for that man was every bit as intense as the affection Vincent had for her—in fact, on the official relationship chart, Lucrecia's feelings for Grimoire are described using the same word as Vincent's feelings for Lucrecia. This is a repeating pattern, and that's part of the tragedy. Lucrecia adored Grimoire for his intellect, his drive, his passion; Vincent adored Lucrecia for the same reasons. Vincent refers to her as "the beautiful Lucrecia," yes, but he also describes her as the woman he respected most.

Knowing that Lucrecia loved Grimoire makes sense of how she was so torn between Vincent and Hojo.

Vincent looked like his father, he had his eyes, his nose, his brow. He probably had a fair number of his mannerisms, body language inherited and learned via his upbringing. They probably spoke almost the same way, their voices were similar, they had the same stories and the same sense of humor and the same idiosyncracies. But Vincent wasn't his father—he wasn't even a scientist, he didn't have that academic drive that drew Lucrecia to Grimoire in the first place. He was younger than Lucrecia by a few months, he couldn't be her guide or her teacher, and while he'd been assigned to be her protector, it wasn't the same. It could never be the same.

Hojo, meanwhile, looked nothing like Grimoire. His dark eyes and wide mouth and narrow shoulders were nothing like the man Lucrecia loved and lost through her own mistakes. But his drive, his passion, his determination—my god, it was just like him. Hojo's single-minded certainty, his confidence in his own comprehension, his intellectual unquenchable thirst to understand those things beyond his reach, it was all the same. His body language was different, his speech patterns were different, his research itself was different—but not, it turns out, too different, as Grimoire is indicated to be the first Shinra scientist to propose using foreign material on a child in utero in an attempt to produce something in-between man and god that could be communicated with on a human level. This theory, found amongst Grimoire's body of research after his death, may have actually inspired the direction of the Jenova Project (after working on adults in the Howling Fang failed to produce a functional result), and is directly responsible for the creation of Nero.

Vincent would never do that. Grimoire wrote it down, so we can assume that he would have, if he'd had the chance. Hojo did.

Lucrecia may have seen Grimoire in Vincent with her eyes, but she saw him in Hojo with her mind, and that's the part of him that she loved. That's the kind of man that she loved. That's the part of Hojo that she loved.

Before long, I can't imagine she was seeing him as an echo of Grimoire. Hojo was so different, but he was exactly what she wanted, exactly the kind of man—she thought—with whom she could spend the rest of her life. Working side by side as equals, two scientific minds ready to change the world together in ways that they never could alone.

Vincent, though? Vincent looks so much like his father, Lucrecia never stopped seeing his ghost. Every time she looked Vincent in the eye, she saw his father. Every time he spoke, every time he moved, every time he laughed or grimaced or sighed, she saw his father. Even at the very end, when she believed she'd failed to save him and left him in that tank for Hojo to find, she didn't see Vincent, she didn't see Chaos. She saw Grimoire.

"Did you know your eyes are just like your father's?"

Lucrecia chose Hojo because she had so much love left in her, and the echoes of Grimoire she saw physically in Vincent weren't enough for that love to find a home in him.

Lucrecia chose Hojo because he was alive, and she was tired of loving a ghost.

[nerdy-the-artist]

Nerdy the Artist’s Metroid Fanfic Spotlight part 2!

This is something I’ve been needing to do for a hot minute now. As I said last time, there are so many talented writers, artists, and musicians in the Metroid fanbase. The level of creativity and passion for the series is just astounding. Today we will be taking a look at some of the many fanfictions out there. I’ve read these stories myself and can personally attest that they are well worth your time to read. From the cute and fluffy to the grotesque and violent, these stories have earned their place on my recommendations. Without further adue, let’s start this thing.

1. Mostly Just a Power Suit

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17637701

This story, written by Planet_Bryyo, is short and sweet, diving into a fan favorite but rarely explored character of Weavel from Metroid Prime Hunters. In spite of his fan favorite status among the hunters, up there even with Sylux, you’ll be hard pressed to find many fics featuring him. This story shows off his reaction to being transformed into a Non-Zebesian form during his cybernetic reconstruction. The story also spends a great deal of time focusing on the reactions of other Space Pirates seeing this fallen commander, now a lone wolf who is more machine than… man? Alien terminology, ugh. In any case you can see their reactions to this loose cannon in a bar setting. Side tangent, the idea of a Space Pirate bar is actually really unique. We don’t see much of Space Pirates at rest anywhere, so this is actually a welcome touch.

2. Fallen from the Nest

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53675155/chapters/135874063

Going all in on Bounty Hunters this spotlight, I suppose. This story, written by PuriKuma, is much longer than Mostly Just a Power Suit, though still digestible. This is part of a larger series that I do recommend, but I’ll stick to talking about this entry for now. Keeping with the Hunters appreciation, this story depicts a shared mission between Samus and Noxus, the Vhozon Bounty Hunter from the same game as Weavel and Sylux. The mission brief is simple; a criminal organization called the Ashlings, lead by the physically imposing Andron, have taken hostages, including a Federation Senator, to barter in exchange for a precious and expensive ore. Samus is to go after the Ashling secret base while Noxus intercepts the hostages so that the criminals are not rewarded for their efforts. However, what gives Samus pause is the identity of one of their members. From there, the story takes plenty of intriguing twists and turns. The ways in which Samus and Noxus play off each other in this story are extremely entertaining and interesting to watch. It also adds a fair bit to the latter’s character which I have yet to see anywhere else, a sarcastic playfulness in his attitude that bounces well off of Samus’s stoicism. He’s able to taunt and poke fun at the emotional core behind the front that Samus puts on. Their interactions alone would be worth a read, but the plots twists and mysteries involved really take this story to the next level. This story, and the series it’s a part of, are an instant classic for me.

3. A Win

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48254998/chapters/121695439

Sometimes, we all just need a reminder that we’re doing good, that we aren’t a burden, that we are worthy, that our actions have helped people. This story, written by orphan_account, is that for Samus Aran. Taking place after the events of Metroid Dread, Samus is in a bit of a slump after feeling like she’s only seen as a threat or a tool for higher powers. To attempt some soul searching, she journeys to one of the few game settings that is left better than when she arrived; Aether. She wanders through a reinvigorated and rehabilitated world, free from the influence of Dark Aether and Space Pirates, seeing how the world has healed in her time away. Granted, I am not too familiar with Metroid Prime 2, so much of the reader’s catharsis is likely lost on me. Still, even as someone who has little prior knowledge of the past of Aether, this story still is a nice, sentimental journey, with an appearance from some old friends.

4. Hatchling

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29039376/chapters/71275923

Now, back to where it all began. This story, written by MetroidReploid, is a retelling of an old tale we all know, the story of Samus Aran losing everything. This retelling focuses more on Samus’s life as a child, going into detail about the life she lives, so that when the Space Pirates take it all away, we understand what exactly she’s losing. There’s also some further fleshing out of Adam here as well. He shows up as a young, bright Federation Officer with a preexisting connection to Virginia Aran, Samus’s mother, a connection which has strained her relationship with Rodney Aran. Unlike the simple housewife we see in the manga, Virginia is portrayed as a working mom, leading a security firm tasked with guarding K2-L. Rodney, by contrast, is a bitter, angry man who takes his public image, and that of his company, very seriously. It’s a story full of a lot of angst, but it does its job fairly well in terms of adding some reason to why things happen and when.

5. “Sammy”

Link:

Now, if you need a break from all the angst and dreariness, SeleneLawfulGood has you covered! This story is a short and sweet fluff story, featuring a young woman named Thae’Lia finding a tired but very attractive woman at a bar named Sammy. I think we all know the twist so I won’t beat around the bush. It’s really cute (and with some mild lemon toward the end but you didn’t hear that from me) and displays a rarely seen aspect of the series; how do the citizens of the Galactic Federation view Samus Aran? We rarely, if ever, see non-combatant intelligent life in any Metroid game, so we don’t really get much of that. It also gives a view into what the life of a Bounty Hunter is like. It’s a very lonely, tiring existence that, while it pays well when you save the Galaxy, like, 5 times, needs an extra aspect to be fulfilling. For Samus, it’s the moral obligation she feels. It’s a very cute read, and if you need something sweet, this’ll do the job. Also, trans Samus solidarity.

6. Let Me Tell You How Much I’ve Come To Hate You

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45854323

Getting back to Space Pirates, doorstopQuiet has delved into an aspect of the series that even Metroid Prime itself largely glosses over; Ridley’s reconstruction into Meta Ridley. In truth, it was largely not his idea. As the highest ranking survivor of Samus’s rampage on Zebes, Ridley got lobbed with the blame for the cataclysm. The only reason he had survived was a great shame for the Cunning God of Death. He played dead. He let himself sink into Norfair’s magma, slowly burning away his flesh, but at least he had some chance to survive. He was crippled, mangled, burnt to a crisp, but at least she would not kill him. Still, High Command’s punishment, their loathing of the failed god, was almost worse. He would not command armies, he would not have the same autonomy he once did. He would become a machine for their empire, reconstructed as a tool. It’s a great short story, filled with colorful language and allusions to his past to hammer home the gravity of how far he’s sunk. There are also plenty of references and quotations from Man on The Internet’s Ridley theme vocal cover, which I do find entertaining. I find this to be an excellent read, and really reimagines Meta Ridley in Metroid Prime as a fallen god, stripped of his authority, and sent after the one who felled him.

7. Independent Contractors

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40993332?view_adult=true

This story, written by ifThen_doWhile, shows off Samus in a post Fusion Federation, one that has grown far more wary of her. They still have need of her, however, and so an agent of the Federation is sent to hire a Samus who has not been returning digital requests for her services. The agent, named Aiden, is sent in with top of the line weaponry in case things go south, alongside surveillance of the Hunter’s activities. Upon finding her, Aiden is in for a big surprise. This story really hammers home how heart poundingly nerve racking it is to approach the Hunter who has destroyed 3 planets, especially when tensions are running hot. Samus is portrayed as pragmatic but quiet, her demeanor easily misinterpreted as callous indifference, a guise she leans into at times. It’s a very good, suspenseful story that I highly recommend.

8. Metroid: No Other

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59261113

This story, written by @dappercritter , is actually my most recent read. What’s this? An actual Tumblr link? For once, yes. I saw the announcement post on Tumblr that it was out and jumped at the opportunity to read it. It’s quite good, but quite long. Don’t let the 1 chapter limit fool you, you might not finish it in 1 sitting. In any case, No Other starts off with something of a trope among fanfictions; Other M as an in-universe film. I still find it amusing. However, as this story follows on after Dread, Adam comments on Samus not taking care of herself properly, not addressing any of the trauma from ZDR, avoiding social events, and generally withdrawing from the world around her, prompted by an increasing distrust of the Federation, and the Galaxy as a whole. We also see that Samus does not seem to trust Adam, both due to his origin as an AI made to spy on her, and increased by Raven Beak’s mimicry of him. It’s an angle I haven’t seen anywhere else and is a welcome change of pace. In any case, Samus further withdraws from Adam and into what she does best; Bounty Hunting. However, shortly after her arrival to planet Ohma-984, a new threat emerges, intent on bringing out her dark side. Without going into spoilers, the antagonist’s design is absolutely badass, and I might actually draw him some time. The action sequences in this story, likewise, are absolutely brutal and well thought out. There’s a lot of noticeable influences from other franchises like Godzilla, Metal Gear Rising, and Doom that feel well at home in this story and don’t take away from it at all though that may be me simply being a fan of those series. DapperCritter mentioned specifically Shin Kamen Rider, though I’m not a fan of that series, so I can’t attest to how prominent the influence is. Regardless, it’s a thought provoking story with plenty of brutal action packed in as well, plus I love the original character designs, which take from canon while tagging on further additions.

Honorable Mention: Kanden Story Pitch

Link: https://www.tumblr.com/sepublic/759167079922417664/kanden-debut-pitch

I’m putting this as an honorable mention as it is meant as an outline for a story, so it may not scratch the same itch for some people as a fully written out story. This outline, by @sepublic is meant for a hypothetical Metroid animated series, similar to the original Clone Wars series (not THE Clone Wars!) by Genndy Tartakovsky. This one off features another under appreciated Bounty Hunter, Kanden, facing off against Samus over a Metroid which could give him true power unrivaled. It’s an excellent read, though, once again, if you’re looking for something more completed/traditional, I can understand if this doesn’t suck you in as well. However, I am currently working on a storyboard of this story. I won’t be animating it in full, but there will be sound effects, music, and voice acting. So uh… stay tuned for that!

As I said at that start, these stories are great, and really show off the passion these writers have for the series. However, there are plenty more out there. In the comments, share some of your favorite Metroid Fanfictions you’ve read. I can always do with expanding my Metroid reading list and I’m sure some of you feel the same way.

[zayafeli]

Spicy question time! 🔥

Does Kyron like his ears kissed/licked? Do they wiggle when he’s excited? What about his tail? Does he like it when people pet it or… gently “tug” on it during specific activities? What are his favorite spots to be touched when entertaining guests? Does he like to service or be served? What’s his favorite “activity” to do with his guests? How does he feel about kissing? Does he have a favorite type of kiss? Anything from soft, chaste kisses to those romance novel passion kisses!

Ooooo spicy 👀 better split all these up!

Does Kyron like his ears kissed/licked? YES. He's very sensitive and tactile.

Do they wiggle when he’s excited? His ears move quite a lot! Not quite cat level movement, but they perk up when he's excited or alarmed and they droop when he's scared, sad or insecure. He can also turn them just slightly in directions of sounds!

What about his tail? Does he like it when people pet it or… gently “tug” on it during specific activities? He loves getting his entire body touched, including his tail! It's very flexible. It works almost like a mix between a cat tail and a monkey tail. He will hold items or people's hands with it and wrap it around the waist, arms or legs of people he likes!! He's not a huge fan of getting it tugged though, mostly because guests who are a little drunk or "overexcited" will sometimes tug too hard and it hurts him :( He suffers from ocassional lower back pain because of it. It *can* be tugged, just not that hard, please.

What are his favorite spots to be touched when entertaining guests? Eeeeverywhere!! Ky soaks up physical touch like a moth to a flame. He doesn't get much emotional affection at all, so he has learned to satisfy all his needs through touch and "fun times". Touch his face, his chest, his hips, his tail, his thighs, his beans, all of it!!

Does he like to service or be served? He's exclusively a uh... reciever? (what kind of terminology will tumblr let me use lol help me) Not necessarily out of choice, but he likes it! He hasn't tried anything else, but he's curious about being on top. If someone let him do it, he would try it. It's his job to take care of others needs before his own though so in that sense he's very service-minded.

What’s his favorite “activity” to do with his guests? He's very easy-going and will enjoy most "activities" if the guest happens to be nice and pleasant company. That said, he gets a little extra excited when he gets to do stuff that isn't just the same old. People also very rarely focus on his pleasure before their own, so when someone does, it blows his mind.

How does he feel about kissing? Does he have a favorite type of kiss? Anything from soft, chaste kisses to those romance novel passion kisses! He doesn't get kissed often at all. For most humans, that's a step too far. But when someone does kiss him, he melts. It feels like a rare and special treat. He'll take all kisses happily. Not at all picky with kisses. Kisses are amazing!!

[my-bated-breath]

Research Shows Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic (part 2)

Anti-Zutara arguments: Zuko and Katara hold such a deep and meaningful platonic bond that should it ever turn into a romantic one, their relationship would be automatically ruined.

Me, with my 3.8k meta that cites a research paper on relationships: Are you sure about that.

And with that (not) academically appropriate introduction, I present part 2 of my meta “Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic,” where I use research on emotional intimacy to demonstrate that Zutara is more than capable of transitioning into a romance. Still, that claim in itself presents a rather complicated question: What is the transition between friendship to romance, and how is it achieved?

“On Becoming ‘More Than Friends: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship” is a research paper by Arizona State University professors Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau that sets out to answer this. In their paper, Guerrero and Mongeau explore a multitude of aspects regarding relationship development, but part 1 and part 2 of this meta will focus on their research on stages of intimacy.

_____

Excerpt from “Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic” (part 1)

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, “...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect both platonic and romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

Definitions, because some terminology in this quote is field-specific:

Perception of similarity: (similar in background, values, etc.) which contributes to pair rapport

Pair rapport: produces positive emotional and behavioral responses to the partner, promotes effective communication and instills feelings of self-validation

Self-disclosure: a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Role-taking: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship

Role-fit: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles

Dyadic crystallization: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple

(Source: Quizlet -- not the most reliable source, I know, but once again field-specific terms tend to be ubiquitous in their definitions, and I doubt that this Quizlet can be that inaccurate)

_____

Part 1 of this meta (click for the link) proves how Zuko and Katara achieve the “initial stages of intimacy,” including perceived similarities, pair rapport, and self-disclosure, which are common to both platonic and romantic relationships (and seen often in transitioning relationships). And because I have no self-control, I promised a part 2 that shows how Zutara fulfills the latter stages of intimacy as well, in which intimacy is based more on cognition than communication.

(Note: I had taken the burden of proof too seriously in part 1, and thus that meta delves (far too) deep into the intricacies of Zuko and Katara’s backstories, character arcs, and dialogue. This meta will be significantly less heavy-handed on the analysis because we already have 3,800 words of that and that’s more than enough).

So with that taken care of, let’s begin.

Role-taking

Definition: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship.

After Zuko’s choice in the Crossroads of Destiny, his relationship with Katara becomes tenser until it reaches a breaking point in The Southern Raiders, where the following exchange occurs:

_____

The Southern Raiders Dialogue

Zuko: This isn't fair! Everyone else seems to trust me now! What is it with you?

Katara: Oh, everyone trusts you now! I was the first person to trust you! Remember, back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me, betrayed all of us!

_____

Although Katara is angry in this scene, her open communication and Zuko’s empathy with her (established in the Crystal Catacombs) allows him to understand Katara’s perspective, to understand that he is the one at fault, and to understand that he has to be the one to make amends.

Zuko: What can I do to make it up to you?

Then, throughout the Southern Raiders, there is an inherent understanding between the two that Zuko is only a guide to track down her mother’s killer while Katara is the decider of this man’s fate. Their roles are evidenced by Zuko providing Katara with information (as seen in the left screenshot) and Katara acting with the information given (as seen in the right screenshot, where Zuko asks Katara if she is ready).

Left screenshot -

Zuko: I know who killed your mother, and I'm going to help you find him.

Right screenshot -

Zuko: This is it, Katara. Are you ready to face him?

However, Zuko is not the only one to perceive and accept the other party’s role within their relationship. Having decided to fight Azula alongside Zuko the day before Sozin’s Comet, Katara is in disbelief when Zuko accepts an Agni Kai with Azula, one on one.

Katara: What are you doing? She's playing you. She knows she can't take us both, so she's trying to separate us.

Zuko: I know. But I can take her this time.

Katara: But even you admitted to your uncle that you would need help facing Azula.

Zuko: There's something off about her; I can't explain it but she's slipping. And this way, no one else has to get hurt.

Still, Katara nods, empathizing with Zuko’s position and thus allowing him to take on a new role. In particular, she recognizes Zuko’s need to fight alone rather than together, which shifts the dynamic and interactions in their relationship.

With both Zuko and Katara achieving role-taking, we now move on to-

Role-fit

Definition: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles.

(Note: there’s a little bit of a stretch in needs and roles, but given much of Zuko and Katara’s life had been centered around defeating the Fire Nation, it still captures an essential part of their relationship.)

Zuko and Katara assessing the extent of the similarities in their personality:

(Frankly, this moment can apply to personality, needs, and roles)

Zuko and Katara assessing the extent of the similarities in their needs:

Zuko and Katara assessing the extent of the similarities in their roles:

I wish there had been more canon material with Zuko and Katara evaluating their personalities and needs on a more personal level. However, since the glimpses of peace we see in the ATLA finale are not focused on Zuko and Katara’s relationship (for better or for worse), the fact that the Crystal Catacombs exchange exists is already very telling. Additionally, it’s not difficult to imagine the two of them had a conversation about their personalities and needs given their track record of open communication and mutual support.

Dyadic Crystallization

Definition: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple.

After joining the GAang in the Western Air Temple, Zuko and Katara become “increasingly involved with each other” (even if their interactions are not always positive), as evidenced by the following:

Of course, their commitment to each other forms after Katara forgives Zuko and they work together as a team:

Though Zuko and Katara may not have formed an identity as a romantic couple, their platonic relationship relies on a profound foundation of teamwork, protectiveness, and support. Should they transition into a romantic relationship, this same foundation can be channeled with them working together to solve personal and political problems, protecting each other from physical and emotional wounds, and supporting one another with steadfast faith and determination.

Of course, the same logic applies to every stage of intimacy both parts of this meta explore. We already see how Zuko and Katara fulfill the other stages - perceived similarities, pair rapport, self-disclosure, role-taking, role-fit, and dyadic crystallization - in constructive ways throughout their platonic bond, so we can assume that their approach to these stages of intimacy would be similar in a romantic bond as well. After all, they already share a deep emotional connection, so the last gap their relationship would need to bridge between platonic and romantic lines would not be one of closeness (which anti-Zutara arguments point to as a cause for increasing toxicity between the two), but one of attraction.

As Guerrero and Mongeau note, “in this case, couples sustain high levels of friendship-based intimacy while adding passion-based intimacy. In a sense, these couples have already laid part of the groundwork for building a close romantic relationship.”

Thus, without needing to undergo a dramatic shift in quantity or quality, the existing emotional energy in Zutara lends itself well to both friendships and romances. Here we have a relationship where outward circumstances may change - from war to peace, from rebels to leaders - yet their internal framework, even while (hypothetically) in the process of adjusting from friends to lovers, has endured through the past and will continue to endure well into the future.

[yandere-daydreams]

can i get a yandere tsukishima with a really bubbly and naive darling? except the darling isn't nearly as bubbly and fun when tsukishima kidnaps her, so clearly somethings wrong with her. so tsukishima spends his time with her trying to fix his darling through punishments

The names in this series are going to kill me, I mean, if the volleyball terminology doesn’t first. Luckily, y’all already know I can’t resist a sweet boy who won’t admit he’s sweet, even if I have to alternate wild between first and last names to do it.

TW: Burns and Fire, Physical Abuse, Mentions of Kidnapping, Bondage and Toxic Mindsets. 

~

He swore he just wanted to see you smile.

You tried not to cringe as Kei tightened your make-shift restraints, fingertips already going numb as thick fabric and twisted knots cut off your circulation, making it hard to move anything lower than your wrist. You tried to reposition yourself, to make the feeling of the metal pole digging into your spine tolerable, but every shift and small movement left your arms going tense, your legs stretching out awkwardly as you tried to keep them from touching the frozen cement beneath you. The basement was never warm, but… god, it always felt so much colder when Kei was mad.

Cringing was suppressible, but shivering wasn’t, that terrible trembling starting as soon as your captor finished his work. You didn’t speak, pushing your shoulders forward as he stepped in front of you. His gaze was always burning, as intense as it was unfaltering. You used to admire that about him, his confidence, his constant indifference, but it felt hostile when directed towards you. Even as you looked away, choosing to glare at nothing in particular, you could feel him prying you open, getting under your skin and squirming. Picking you apart, before he even said a word.

That certainly didn’t mean hearing his voice was any less distressing, though.

“I don’t want to do this.” If there was any passion behind his sentiment, you couldn’t tell, the chill in his tone rivaling that of the damp air. “You know that, don’t you? I could never want to hurt you.”

You didn’t pity him with a response. Instead, you curled further into yourself, Kei only shaking his head, sighing as he kneeled in front of you.

He continued unprompted, a warm palm coming to rest on your bent knee. “If you just… got better, I wouldn’t have to do anything! You’re the one being stubborn, I shouldn’t have to apologize!” There was an abrupt pause, another breath, this exhale more frustrated than its predecessor. “And I’m not going to apologize, either. Not if you’re going to be as irritating as you were in highschool.”

It was all you could do to keep from rolling your eyes, but ‘misbehavior’ would only make him more volatile. Still, you didn’t try to stop yourself from saying what was on your mind, even if you could hardly will your opinion to rise above a mumble. “At least I grew up, Tsukishima.”

That was all it took to set him off, Kei baring his teeth as he fumbled for something in his pocket. Your heart stopped, for a moment, your pulse dropping into your stomach, but you managed to relax once you saw the butter-knife in his hand, a weapon so harmless, you could hardly keep from laughing. What was he going to do, offer you a slice of fruit? Saw at your leg until he broke the skin? You’d gone through worse, he’d done worse. Even a real knife couldn’t have fazed you, by now.

Then, you saw him reach for something else, something smaller, and your dread returned in full-force.

A lighter.

You started struggling the moment you realized what he was planning, thrashing and kicking and yelling, despite how the noise bounced off the sound-proof walls. Your heel collided with Kei’s diaphram, earning a small grunt much less satisfying than you hoped it would be, but your resistance was overwhelmed easily, your legs soon pinned under his weight and his hands busy holding the small fire to the metal, silver turning red as the seconds passed. He didn’t bother warning you, clutching the handle and pressing the flat of the blade to your calf, your hollow threats instantly turning to wordless screams. He pulled it away quickly, letting you slump forward in relief, but by the time an angry, flaming welt had formed, his attention had traveled higher up. Following his stare, you attempted to wretch your appendage out of his hold, but forcing your submission was an effortless maneuver. In the blink of an eye, he was on top of you, straddling your thighs, pressing the white-hot object into your stomach and keeping it there. 

He must’ve been able to feel the heat too, but Kei only grit his teeth, his free hand gathering up your grown-out hair, clamping down and shoving your face into his shoulder, not giving you a choice when it came to accepting the rough affection. You crumpled into yourself as the knife clattered against the floor, Kei abandoning the tool in favor of taking the flame directly to your bare arm, holding it to your skin until sobs were racking over you. He must’ve felt the reverberations, his grip on your scalp loosening, nimble fingers beginning to card through the tangled strands as his demeanor softened. “It’s fine, (Y/n), it’s fine,” He cooed, as if he was the one being singed, burnt, branded. “This’ll stop as soon as you give me what I want.”

“It… it hurts.” You sounded weak, pitiful, but the whine came out involuntarily. Even as he let you go, opting to rub small, delicate circles in your side, you didn’t try to pull away from him, hiding your face deeper in his chest as the pain dulled, the ache settling in to take its place. “Please, I don’t want to--”

He didn’t hesitate to cut you off. “You know what you’re supposed to do.”

And you did. 

Slowly, you straightened your back, plastering a bright, beaming smile across your face. The closed-eye kind, toothy and fun and childish. Kei’s favorite.

You let it falter when he chuckled, the expression that took its place weaker, worried. With a small tug he brought you closer, kissing your forehead, the gesture so gentle, you almost forgot the situation that’d brought it on. You melted into it, letting Kei have his moment, or… you would’ve, rather. It was more shocking than anything, his hand clamping down around your jaw, the lighter pressing into the underside of your chin as a grin spread across his lips.

“I hope that temper tantrum was worth it,” He started, blunt nail tapping against the plastic shell. “It’s going to take a lot more than that to get you out of this, sweetheart.”

[skruttet]

I flicked through the Tuula Karjalainen book and read bits and pieces of it already and there’s this one section about homosexuality in it that I found really interesting so I thought I’d post it here, even though it’s a bit long oops, in case any of y’all were interested in reading it! Like, I never knew Tove had a gay cousin whom Tove was supportive of in terms of her lesbian identity and whose partner wrote a dissertation on Tove’s books?? So fascinating! Also was not expecting the sentence “The Hattifatteners resemble a wandering flock of penises or condoms”; usually they’re referred to more subtly with words like ‘phallic’ but not here xD

OPEN AND CLOSED

Many researchers have looked for references to homosexuality in Tove’s writings. Although she did not talk about it in public, she made no attempt to conceal it either, and her relationship with Tuulikki Pietilä was known to everyone. The two women took part in official state events such as the President’s Independence Day ball, where they were clearly the first to attend the event officially as a lesbian couple. Their relationship was so open and obvious it was that it was not newsworthy. It was hard to build a scandal on something that everyone knew - even the press, which liked to chase stories of that kind.

Psychological explanations of various kinds often have a chapter of their own in the analyses of Tove’s books, and sometimes unusual views have been expressed. The Swedish scholar Barbro K. Gustafsson earned her doctorate in 1992 from Uppsala University’s Theological Faculty with a dissertation on Tove’s books for adults. She made a special study of The Doll’s House, Sun City, ‘The Great Journey’ and Fair Play, and although her thesis also covered the Moomin stories, they were dealt with more briefly.

Perhaps surprisingly, Tove agreed to be interviewed by Gustafsson during her research work, and even participated in it actively by attending Gustafsson’s dissertation defence. The fact that Tove was prepared to do this may partly be explained by a family connection: Gustafsson was the partner of Tove’s beloved cousin Kerstin. When Kerstin, from a religious family, had realised that she was lesbian, Tove had been extremely supportive. Tove and her friends also helped Kerstin with many issues related to her lesbian identity.

Tove refused to give any public interviews about the dissertation defence, and did not want to talk about her private life or relationships. She returned to Finland as soon as the defence and the celebrations for Gustafsson’s Ph.D. were over, though she did issue a press release. In it she followed convention, thanking Gustafsson for the clarity of her book and her extensive knowledge of the subject - she had, Tove thought, succeeded in uncovering a rarely explored area of the unconscious. She also said that though much was written about authors, it was perhaps best done after their death, if at all. As if to soften the blow, she stressed the degree of trust between herself and Gustafsson. She said that following the progress of the research had been like an adventure, and that it had almost allowed her to see herself as a pioneer.

In her study, Gustafsson focuses on a dream that Tove had in the 1930s and found strangely threatening. In it she had seen large, black, wolf-like dogs on a seashore at sunset. A psychologist had explained to her that the dream was about repressed drives and forbidden sensuality.

In her thesis, Gustafsson is perhaps prone to detect elements of homosexuality too easily in very ordinary matters connected with the sea and archipelago life. She also discussed the wild animals that Tove often returned to both in the Moomin books and in her works for adults. In Moominland Midwinter the dog Sorry-oo wants to join the wolves and learn to howl like them. The story concerns the desire to leave the species into which one has been born, something that proves impossible. In The True Deceiver, the wolfhound plays a central role in the power relationship between the two women. Numerous readers have seen allusions to homosexuality in the comic strip about a little dog that falls in love with a cat. It realises that the love is wrong and becomes depressed. In the end the cat turns out to be a dog in disguise. This time the problem has a simple solution.

In Tove’s books there are repeated descriptions of people or Moominvalley creatures becoming ‘electric’, and this is clearly an important theme in her writing. The Hattifatteners resemble a wandering flock of penises or condoms - in thunderstorms they become electric, and then burn anyone who gets close to them. It is very easy to imagine that the electrification is an allegory for oestrus. The Mymble is also able to become electric - with her countless children she is the most sensual character in Moominvalley. The Whomper Toft in Moominvalley in November is the master of thunder and lightning. He lets the Creature out of a locked cupboard, and all that remains is a smell of electricity. The Creature runs away and grows even larger during thunderstorms, when lightning fills the sky, but is too big, angry and bewildered to be so big and angry. In ‘The Doll’s House’, electrification brings about a drama of jealousy between three men that leads to violence. There is a similar outcome in ‘The Great Journey’, where the mother feels the electrifying presence of her daughter’s female friend, whereupon the daughter becomes jealous.

Fair Play is a book about the relationship between two women in their seventies who are set in their ways, and their daily life together. Gustafsson uses the narrative to examine their mutual roles in the light of the old custom of categorising lesbians either as ‘femmes’ or ‘butches’, the latter having more masculine traits - a way of seeing a relationship between two women as a copy of a heterosexual one. Jonna and her prototype Tuulikki correspond to the ‘butch’ profile. Tove also portrayed Tuulikki as Moominvalley’s Too-ticky, a rather burly, masculine figure who keeps a knife in her belt.

Quoting Lord Alfred Douglas and the line of verse that was mentioned at the indecency trial of Oscar Wilde, Gustafsson writes that homosexual love is the love that does not dare speak its name. Although the time in which Tove lived was quite different from Wilde’s, there were similar prejudices and tensions in society - and, of course, they influenced her writing. Over the centuries women were not expected to write blatant erotic descriptions, but had instead to express themselves in allegorical terms. It was supposed that they did experience such feelings - and even more so when they were the result of unlawful love.

Tove’s books contain no openly erotic episodes or writing of a sexual nature and in this her writing is typical of women’s literature of her time. Sometimes it feels as though the characters in her books have to some extent been freed from sexuality. Their relationships are based more on understanding and friendship than on ardent passion, though their jealousy can sometimes take violent forms. Many things are veiled in highly metaphorical language. In the books that Tove wrote for adults, male and female couples are portrayed interchangeably without particular emphasis. In many of her books, as in her life, homosexuality was so natural that there was no need to make a fuss about it. While it was not to be denied, it was not to be given a high profile either. It was almost as though she backed out of dealing with her sexuality too openly, and in fact she forbade her biographer to write about her love affairs. Since the biography was written for children, this kind of advance censorship was possible.

In the story ‘The Great Journey’ (’Den stora resan’), two women in their seventies, Rosa and Elena, together with Rosa’s mother, live a life of humdrum joys and sorrows and work on their creative tasks. Among all three, physical love is a taboo subject. Elena asks Rosa: ‘What does she know, in any case? Nothing. She doesn’t know anything about such matters.’ The two women are unable to show their feelings for each other if Rosa’s mother is present. They plan a holiday together, but Rosa changes her mind and goes away with her mother instead. She remembers the promise she made in the nursery: ‘I’ll take you with me, I’ll steal you from Papa, we’ll go to a jungle or sail out on the Mediterranean... I’ll build you a castle where you shall be queen.’

Organisations that promoted sexual equality in Finland and the Nordic countries gave Tove awards for her pioneering work on behalf of sexual minorities, and she has certainly been an extremely important role model and author in the gay community. She had the ability to be completely open, yet at the same time quite private - as in the case of the dissertation, when she gave Gustafsson interviews and took part in the defence, but would not agree to answer questions from journalists who were interested in her private life. In relation to her lesbian identity, as shown by this very situation, she sometimes came out of the closet, and at other times she concealed the truth.

Tove’s homosexuality inspired a great many researchers and readers to look for the most varied interpretations. Perhaps her slightly sardonic attitude to this excessive interest can be seen in her song ‘Psychomania’ (’Psykofnattvisan’), written in 1963 for the revue Krasch and set to music by Erna Tauro. The song is like an obscure parody, in which psychoanalytic terms form a wild, cacophonous reality all of their own. It is as though she is drifting among people who are intently looking for something and who begin to see the signs of it everywhere. In fact, they can no longer see anything else because their heads are filled with ‘psychomania’. The song is a lengthy one, and operates on many levels. It also demonstrates that its author was familiar with the psychological terminology of the day - Tove had always been fascinated by interpretations of the human mind and she knew the terminology back to front, so well in fact that she could play with it:

I pore and pore and where I pore the symbols gather more and more I sink right through the floor into depression and tendentious apperception...

-Tove Jansson: Work and Love by Tuula Karjalainen

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: The Book of Two Ways by Jodi Picoult

It's a fact, not a complaint, that parallel universe stories seem to be reaching out for me in 2020. Heralding me closer. Holding me captive.

They've twined me up in their frayed tendrils of time and possibility a lot lately, and willing participant that I am, I've let them.

I've been accommodating.

I've followed wherever it is they've wanted to take me.

I’ve walked behind them with steadied steps and a mind that was open--my imagination tracking every minute detail of the plot until I came to that notorious fork in the road with the eager zeal of a child. Ready to be led. Ready to be awed. Hoping to fall through another dimension of space, a different subset of time. Perhaps even wanting to experience an alternate choice or slip into someone else's "other" life.

A split parallel life, as it turns out, was the driving force behind this whole novel.

It was also the main impetus for Dawn Edelstein, the protagonist, who, after narrowly surviving a fatal plane crash, experienced what life would be like if she were either to a) return home to her husband, her daughter, and her death doula duties in Boston or b) resurrect her fledging career as an Egyptologist and reunite with her first love, Wyatt Armstrong, in the sands of the Middle East.

The narrative shifted back and forth between land and water, Egypt and Boston, where Dawn's past collided with her present choices. Repeatedly she was thrust into one upheaval after another as she yearned to find personal fulfillment.

On the one hand, she was beset with regret, with musings about what could have been had she stayed with Wyatt. Had she not sacrificed her career after her mother's death. On the other, she was scrambling to keep her marriage intact with Brian while also contemplating what constituted true infidelity. (There was a lot of "ust" for Dawn to work through personally.) She also fretted over a teenage daughter with body issues, prepared the terminally ill for death, digested lessons about life and love and loss, expelled vices, extolled virtues, and gave voice to all the painful complexities that make us human.

Categorically speaking, this novel would fall under the Sliding Doors trope.

It "slid" in setting. In choices. In tension. In so many other things I've always found to be literarily enticing.

On top of that, as a reader, it also plunged me into the emotional depths of "what if" like few other books of this genre have done before. It took me to a place where my heart could get caught between two slats and be squashed or squeezed until it swelled, until it bruised. Until it shattered into various irreconcilable pieces that hurt almost as much as they healed--always in ways I never would've foreseen.

I liked how I felt compelled to exhume the turmoil and suppressed yearning those two little words - what if, what if - could render whenever they're thought together, spoken together, felt together. Or in the case of Dawn specifically...lived together.

The Book of Two Ways juggled a lot of balls, I won't lie.

I imagine some people will be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of Egyptian terminology and quantum physics talk, for instance. Perhaps even be put off by it. For my own part, however, I wasn't. Even though there were spots where the specificity could've been tampered down some - trimmed, rather - I thought it worked. I was riveted, tantalized. It made me feel like I was part of the archaeology of it all: the spark, the science, the burning passion that could lead to self-discovery.

The layered minutiae only enhanced the tapestry of the plot and its characters for me.

I liked getting to know them. Who they were, how they thought. I enjoyed the breadth of academia, too. The thirst for tombs and ruins and other unearthed knowledge. I found it fun for Dawn's courtship to be mapped in quotes, in scientific equations. I also felt a pang for Meret's self-deprecating tendencies and how she always seemed wary of certain foods or particular types of clothing.

At the end of the day, I got the sense that these were all real people with real struggles and wants. I was satisfied by the jumbled mess of it all.

The other thing that Picoult did well was make me care about everything that was happening. About everyone who was hurting. She really knew how - in the words of Adele - to "play [my] heart to the beat."

Love was depicted as tangled. Pronged. Labyrinthine. Thorny. There was nothing easy or simple about it, and I appreciated the candor of that.

I didn’t mind the love triangle, either. (Which, I've got to say, was exceptionally rude because I hate love triangles as a general rule. But. BUT...I didn't hate the one presented here.) The reason I was unbothered by it was because of how it was handled. It made sense. And given the split narrative, it also added suspense.

The author dug deep into the wealth of feeling Dawn had for both Wyatt and Brian--all the complexity that comes along with loving another person:

💠She depicted confusion. And joy. And sadness. And connection. She expressed that love can hurt, that it didn’t always make you happy. 💠She portrayed how we can bury some things, need the soft steadiness of others, or lose a chunk of something vital without realizing it’d gone missing. 💠She showed how love is comprised of a million tiny quirks and traits that make up the sum of a person, and why they're important. The way they could come to mean everything.

What Picoult did in this book was force me to identify as well as sympathize with the paradoxes of human existence. With the choices that leave our hearts split in two.

Even now, days after finishing it, I still find myself teetering resolutely in the middle of it unable to choose a man, a side, or one "slice" of life over the other, and I'm starting to wonder...maybe it's because I'm not supposed to be able to pick?

Maybe...just maybe...that's the beauty of "what if."

Thanks so much to NetGalley, Random House, and Ballantine Books for the ARC!

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Bismuth

Steven Universe is a show about solving problems with healthy communication instead of violence. It’s also a show so centered around fighting that our main characters have signature weapons that act as literal extensions of themselves. 

Not every episode has an action sequence, and not every action sequence is a fight, but this series is no stranger to glamorizing combat. For all its talk about how true strength means more than physical might, the use of physical might to hurt others isn’t always frowned upon, even by our peaceful hero. To compensate for this dissonance, fights that would normally leave fatal wounds instead end in a process so harmless that they called it “poofing.” 

Our ninety-eighth episode begins not with a title card, but a dramatic-looking scene that’s soon revealed to have no stakes, capped with Steven bemoaning that “dying a bunch in video games is emotionally exhausting.” The temporary nature of death is ingrained in his life—his very existence involved his mother not quite dying, but becoming half of him—and while the show at this point has acknowledged that violence can scar the body and soul, the only permanent consequences we’ve seen precede Steven’s existence. Shattering, the Cluster, and Corruption are ancient history, and were actions taken by the villains our heroes rebelled against. We’ve never had to deal with the moral implications of ending a life, and because this is a kid’s show there’s a chance we never would have, because the game isn’t quite as fun once permanent consequences are in play.

After a comedic foray into Lion’s mane, Steven pops a mysterious bubble we saw all the way back in Lion 3, flies back into his room, and shouts that he’s made a horrible mistake. And after the initial reaction from the other Crystal Gems, we linger in the room to get one last message from his television screen before he jumps back in:

Game Over.

“We are the Crystal Gems!”

I love everything about the title reveal of this episode. I love that we have to wait for it, so we’re forced to pay extra attention when it arrives. I love the not-quite-still shot of our two leads sizing each other up as the name of our episode and new character slowly fades in. And I love the chill but chilling music that sets the stage for the life-changing story ahead of our hero. 

Aivi and Surasshu give characters distinct instrumentation, Peter and the Wolf style, but folks like Rose, Greg, Connie, Lapis, Peridot, and even Lion also have distinct motifs (sometimes a few, in the case of Rose and Lapis) using these instruments. The four main Crystal Gems are unique in that they’re defined mainly by their sound: Garnet is the bass holding everything together, Amethyst is the drumkit keeping up the tempo, Pearl is the piano accompanying others, and Steven subs out a traditional main instrument for chiptunes (many people have pointed this out, but I think this video does the best job of exploring it). Garnet as a concept eventually gets a motif that largely appears when fusion is involved, but the principle of associating these four main characters primarily through instruments holds true throughout the series.

Bismuth is a Crystal Gem, too. And whether it’s intentional or not, I love that this is shown by her lack of a distinct theme song, leaving her represented by her instrument in the same way as our big four. And the instrument we get for a heavy metal stuck in the past is a reverse electric guitar.

On the subject of sound, we just started and I've already waited too long to talk about Uzo Aduba. Bismuth is beautifully animated and has a stunning design, and the extra large crew for this two-parter did wonders on her facial expressions and body language to breathe life into the character, but all of it would've fallen short without a magnificent voice actor tying it together. This is a complicated and ambiguous figure, who laughs hard and burns hot but knows how to keep quiet, and Aduba hits every emotional beat with ease. 

Aduba is especially talented in humanizing Bismuth’s rage, balancing loud shouts with twinges of sadness and jolly war stories with drops of venom. Her monologue in the Forge is one of many examples of Aduba’s greatness: after building up fervent momentum as she works with burning lava, she lowers her voice to a triumphant but menacing whisper when revealing that she chose to create weaponry. Aduba made a splash by finding a real person in a character reduced to the nickname “Crazy Eyes” on Orange is the New Black, and while Bismuth might not be as extreme of a role, she’s made great by an actress who refuses to dumb down angry women.

Bismuth is a zealot, but why wouldn’t she be? She faced the same oppression that drove the other Crystal Gems to rebel, and is mentally right in the thick of it while Garnet and Pearl have had thousands of years to move on. The leader that inspired and encouraged her to build weapons not only refused to use the Breaking Point, but fought her, bubbled her, and lied about it. We see it in Bismuth’s face the moment Rose is first mentioned around her, and even though this could be read as concern over her leader’s whereabouts, our knowledge that Rose’s version of events clashes with Bismuth’s hiding place sets off early warning bells. 

Bismuth’s wordplay here is perfect for a character who often means multiple things at once: “Rose really is something else” works as a commentary on how strange Rose was, as a reference to her physically becoming something else, and as another hint of Bismuth’s true feelings about her leader’s betrayal. Her clever use of language soon becomes ingrained as a character trait: we obviously get the triple pun on her name (not three puns, but the same pun three times), but I’m a bigger sucker for the phrase “upper crust” playing off her disdain of Gem elites with geological terminology. It’s great to see such cleverness when characters with massive frames and aggressive attitudes are so rarely graced with wit.

Bismuth is angry, but she’s more than her anger. It’s balanced by (and caused by) her huge heart. She gets along famously with Garnet and Pearl, and cares deeply for her fallen friends, but she’s just as warm with Amethyst and Steven. An underrated element of Bismuth is that it doesn’t forget that Amethyst is in the middle of a major arc: even though she’s not the focus of the episode, she’s still reeling from her fight with Jasper and is uncomfortable around another huge interloper in her life, this time someone whose existence furthers the notion that Amethyst isn’t a “proper” Crystal Gem. So Amethyst is awkward at first, then sows seeds of suspicion when Steven is entranced. It speaks well of Bismuth that she treats Amethyst as an equal worthy of respect without question, and Amethyst soon comes around when Bismuth praises and upgrades her whip. This giant-sized episode is the clear product of long-term planning and collaboration, but it still remembers to tell a quick Amethyst story to keep us invested in her ongoing development.

But it’s Bismuth’s relationship with Steven that makes up the bulk of the plot, and as dumb as it might sound, the character she reminds me of most is Tim Curry’s version of Long John Silver from legitimate classic film Muppet Treasure Island; yes, Long John Silver in general works for this analogy, but Tim Curry is the definitive version, fight me. Bismuth isn’t as treacherous as old Long John, but they share the tightrope act of being at odds with young protagonists that they earnestly like. There’s nothing fake about their moments of bonding and pseudo-parental advice, and while both are angling to convert a child hero to a questionable cause, it’s done in part to maintain a friendly relationship. Again, Silver is more of an outright villain—his lust for gold lacks the nuance of Bismuth’s well-intentioned justification of extreme violence—but these are gregarious antagonists that our heroes build meaningful connections with, and ultimately learn lasting lessons from. 

Steven is all in on Bismuth’s ardor at first, grinning with shared passion after she rallies the team to keep fighting Homeworld. He’s a little less on board upon seeing Amethyst’s weapon upgrade, and his unease grows during the sparring session, but for all her intensity, Bismuth is fine with him not wanting to fight. She welcomes his own “rituals” with glee, and even though our first look at this sees her spiking a birdie into the sand so hard that the beach explodes, the montage otherwise shows her fitting right in. Even the foreshadowing of Bismuth’s views on weapon lethality during Lonely Blade is lighthearted, with the bonus of showing us how far Pearl has come in regards to fiction since Steven the Sword Fighter.

It all comes together in a poignant discussion about Rose. This is the last time she’s ever spoken of in a purely positive light before the story of her shattering Pink Diamond comes out; not every conversation about her is negative after this reveal, it’s never quite the same. We focus on Rose as a champion of differences: this is the Rose who said a servile pearl could be a warrior, who accepted a new fusion when nobody else would, who told a runty amethyst she was perfect the way she was. Bismuth is telling us what we already know, but personalizes it, showing how inspired she was by it, and Steven reacts to this umpteenth version of the Rose Was Great speech by admitting his fears of not measuring up for the second episode in a row.

Bismuth’s response sums up the entire lesson of Steven’s original series arc, and it’s such a moving affirmation when paired with Change Your Mind:

“You are different. That’s what’s so exciting. You don’t have to be like Rose Quartz, you can be someone even better. You can be you.”

The tragedy is that this hopeful message is undercut by Bismuth’s idea that a “better” Steven is one who uses deadly force. And the speech as a whole is further marred by a subtle hint of Rose’s mendacity: Bismuth mentions that she was “just another quartz soldier, made right here in the dirt,” but even before the Pink Diamond reveal, we already know Rose is from Homeworld from earlier episodes like Rose’s Scabbard. Retrospect enhances the sensation, tinging the uplifting speech with the kind of gray that we’re going to see a lot more of in the future.

There’s an awful inevitability to the ensuing fight as our heroes descend into the Forge, coming right of the heels of Bismuth telling Steven they need an alternative to fighting fair. Steven repeats his progression of reactions towards Bismuth all at once: first confused, then super excited, then gradually realizing something isn’t sitting right. But this time we can’t end with a day at the beach.

(The mood is ruined a little by the adorable commercial transition, and the summarization of the scene upon cutting back from commercials in a way this eleven minute show has never dealt with, but fortunately the bulk of the scene goes uninterrupted.)

Steven obviously isn’t going to use the Breaking Point, and we get a prolonged shot of them standing at odds in mirrored positions from their title card encounter before Bismuth’s hand tightens into a fist. To her, this isn’t a fight with Steven, but a continuation of her fight with Rose, and her anger at her deception is fueled further by the not unreasonable assumption that Rose is still lying as Steven. In Bismuth’s mind she isn’t attacking a child, but a veteran warrior who for some reason took the form of a small human, so she goes all-out.

Steven has been called “Rose” plenty of times by Jasper, and this will continue in our very next episodes, but it’s gotta sting harder when the person doing it just told him that Steven was enough. And the fight itself is no joke, which is a relief after the brawl in Steven vs. Amethyst was all joke. The hits land just as hard, and we get the same awesome choreography showcasing Steven’s floaty powers and spiky bubble in action, but Bismuth isn’t kidding and Steven is on the ropes. His sandal melting away is as graphic as we’re gonna get, but it’s still a great sign of what will happen to him if he falls. His shoelessness also allows for a neat reversal of Bismuth closing her fist to begin the fight: after limping on the other foot to avoid the heat, the first we see of him after the second bubble of the episode pops is a close-up of his bare foot steaming on the ground. He’s forced to hurt both himself and Bismuth to end the fight.

We’re on the cusp of learning the “truth” about Pink Diamond, but the beginning of Rose’s souring portrayal is right here. If you squint hard enough, Rose’s actions in the past could have been justified by her not wanting to shatter anybody, and by Bismuth being an extremist who left her with no choice. But as she stands impaled by the sword she once forged, Bismuth’s rage can no longer hide her grief. Even if Rose was right, and that’s hardly a sure thing, it’s twisted and terrible that she never told the other Crystal Gems the truth. It doesn’t matter that we eventually learn that this was a lot more complicated than it seemed because Rose was Pink Diamond, because in the moment, the person who just tried to kill Steven is saying that Steven’s mother did an awful thing, and despite everything the show has told us until this moment, she’s making a good point. Steven has no time to dwell on it before the other shoe drops (hopefully not into more lava), but it’s telling that Bismuth only acknowledges Steven as himself again when he says he’ll be honest.

When Bismuth gave Steven his pep talk in the living room, the audience didn’t know her full story, but she did, so she still loved Rose despite everything. She was hurt by her, and was willing to fight her, but she looked up to her leader despite it all. So it’s a real turn when she uses same language that encouraged Steven moments ago to make a new point: he could be better than her because of his potential to be spectacular, but also because she set the bar low by doing horrible things. Bismuth is all about that wordplay.

I’ve got a lot to say about my problems with Bismuth’s story after Bismuth (or rather the lack of one) that I’m including in my giant-sized features section below, because a giant-sized episode merits giant-sized features. But within the episode itself, I think silence after the fight is the right choice. Steven has been in danger before, but this is the hardest a person has ever tried to kill him, and it was one of his friends. A new friend, but a friend.

Bismuth marks the beginning of the end of this era of the show, an era when Steven’s series-long arc to fulfill his mother’s legacy was relatively straightforward. In yet another example of Bismuth’s wordplay, his life story swivels around a Breaking Point. The core of Steven Universe may not change in the way it does in Bubble Buddies and Mirror Gem and Catch and Release, but the core of Steven Universe is forever affected. His imminent guilt complex begins with stabbing Bismuth, and despite the hardships to come, he becomes a better person for surviving it.

But at least he doesn’t shatter her. That would really do a number on the guy. Can’t imagine how guilty he’d be if he one day did shatter an imposing zealot from the Gem War days with a history of confusing him for Rose Quartz...

Future Vision!

This is normally a section that lists small bits Fragments of foreshadowing, but because Bismuth is a double episode with tremendous impact on the shape of things to come in ways I already talked about in the review proper, I want to use this space to talk about the elegance of Steven Universe’s structure. I’ve referred to the fifty-odd episode chunks that make up the story on numerous occasions, but I think it’s about time I buck up and call them Acts. 

Act I of Steven Universe is the first season, Act II is the second and third season, and Act III is the fourth and fifth season (with the movie and Steven Universe Future as epilogues), and I think viewing the series through this lens really makes the structure shine. There are many examples of repeating themes and moments that this interpretation makes clear, and as an example, I want to talk about how a recurring phrase signifies a turning point towards the endgame of each act. 

In Act I, the slow-burning mystery of where the Gems came from begins at the midpoint, Mirror Gem, and escalates in Warp Tour with the introduction of Peridot. But we’re still doing regular episodes throughout, because Steven’s life is bigger than his past and there’s no pressing need to address his alien heritage when it isn’t directly affecting his life. It’s not until Marble Madness when this story ramps up, with Peridot's discovery of our heroes hurtling us towards a finale that sees Steven come into his own to defend his friends against old foes from beyond the stars who thought them long dead. The turning point is marked by Pearl taking a stand to proudly declare:

“We are the Crystal Gems! We're still alive, and we're still the guardians of this planet and all its living creatures!”

Jumping to Act III, the slow-burning mystery of what Rose did to Pink Diamond is actually solved with some time to spare. Things seem to be wrapping up at Garnet’s wedding in Reunited, especially because we’ve reached the same episode count of the other two acts. But then Blue and Yellow Diamond crash the party, bringing together the entire main cast in opposition. As in Act I, this shifts us onto the path towards the finale, this time one that sees Steven bringing the Diamonds together to heal the damage they did on Earth. This turning point was a bit less subtle:

“This is our home! Our planet! Our friends and family! We are the Crystal Gems!”

Act II is more stable than I or III, chronicling the period after Steven becomes a competent Crystal Gem but before everything is turned upside-down. He has adventures befitting his role and helps his friends and family as he grows more comfortable with his mother’s legacy, but unbeknownst to him, it’s the calm before the storm. Through it all, that legacy and that group are the bedrock of Steven’s life, and Bismuth begins to unravel his sense of security, leading to a finale that destroys our hero’s comfort zone. The turning point comes as Bismuth shatters not an elite Gem, but the fake image of one, and roars a battle cry that shows that there are some missing pages in the story of Steven’s happy family:

“Listen up, you Homeworld upper crusts...”

“We are the Crystal Gems!”

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

Likewise, this is normally a section that lists plot elements that don’t add up, and I can’t imagine reviewing Bismuth with addressing Bismuth’s treatment as the show continues. There aren’t many other places to write about it until Made of Honor, as the most notable element of this discussion is her absence, but it’s a flaw beyond this episode itself, so it’s going here.

First, I understand from a storytelling perspective why Bismuth is bubbled again. She’s a major new element that couldn’t realistically be sent to the barn like Peridot and Lapis, and is so at odds with our heroes that it would mess with the direction of the series. In particular, the reveal that Rose shattered Pink Diamond would go from being a story about Steven coping to a story about Steven and Bismuth coping, because Rose shattering someone goes against the whole reason she fought Bismuth in the first place. The simplest solution to not having Bismuth dominate the upcoming story is putting her away until the plot demands. And we do eventually get some lip service to why she was bubbled again for so long: she did, after all, try to shatter Steven with the Breaking Point at the end of their fight. She seems cool with it, and it’s not as if she was suffering in there, popping back out as if no time had passed and integrating well with the team afterwards.

But it is baffling that there isn’t any conversation about trying to talk with her instead of keeping her locked away. We don’t need a proper trial, but the idea that this team wouldn’t allow Bismuth to make her case and wouldn’t try to help her work towards a mutual understanding is not only cruel, but cruel in a way that makes no sense for these characters. I’ve called the underuse of Malachite the show’s greatest blunder, and I stand by it because Bismuth’s treatment is much more than a “whoops.” Communication is everything to this series, and the idea that Bismuth was too dangerous to be reasoned with is, to me, Steven Universe’s greatest sin. 

Garnet and Pearl in particular never mention any alternatives, or even bring her up to a meaningful degree. This is supposed to be one of their best friends. And after we learn about Pink Diamond’s shattering, it’s bewildering that Steven doesn’t consider the Bismuth of it all outside of her factoring into his guilt complex in Mindful Education and a brief mention in Storm in the Room. On both an emotional and logical level there’s no reason to not include her more in Act III. Like, let’s say in the worst case scenario she’s freed and furiously attacks Steven: he already defended himself by himself against her, in a lava-filled arena where she had a huge advantage, so obviously with the other Gems he’d be safe. And let’s say Steven is traumatized by nearly getting killed. Understandable. Even if Pearl also nearly got him killed a few times, it was never with murderous intent. Except that if that’s the rationale, I feel like Bismuth deserves to have that explained by him at some point during her imprisonment. He could tell the Gems, he could confide in Connie, whatever, this is something that needs to be said out loud. If we’re going to have her locked away indefinitely, there needs to be more than stone cold silence about why the Crystal Gems came to such an extreme solution, seemingly without a second thought. There was more discussion about the ethics of bubbling Peridot than Bismuth, and Peridot was a full-blown opponent at the time. There was more discussion about the ethics of rehabilitating the Centipeetle, a being corrupted into what seemed to be an unthinking monster, than a fully sentient ally who did a bad thing.

I’m not gonna knock this episode down any pegs for this in my rankings, because it’s not really the fault of this episode. Yes, it could have included Steven’s conversation with the other Gems, but this story was already full to the gills and there was plenty of time in future episodes, particularly episodes after the shattering story comes to light, to address it. Bismuth works fine on its own, but demanded further stories that it never got. Made of Honor does a decent job of bringing Bismuth back, but that’s after over fifty episodes of a misguided but heroic and loyal friend being imprisoned without any attempt at mediation.

I get that it would’ve been a lot of work, and that the bubble method was more convenient. But making a character this great only to treat her this way is a disservice to both Bismuth and the Crystal Gems as a whole.

(Also, less importantly, this episode was marketed as 100 thanks to the inclusion of a few combined shorts as numbered episodes. But yeah this was totally episodes 98 and 99.)

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I ended on a bummer note there, but like I said, Bismuth by itself shouldn’t be held culpable for not having a Too Short to Ride or Alone at Sea for Bismuth down the line. It still doesn’t make my top fifteen, but it does make my top twenty, which matters because the list is expanding next time to account for our actual hundredth episode.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Bismuth

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[retvenkos]

“so what if we’re wild, we only live once.”

requested

BUCKLE IN FAM, BECAUSE THE NEWSIES IN HIGH SCHOOL FOR A MODERN AU WOULD OBVIOUSLY INCLUDE…

(also, keep in mind that this is based off of my experience in the american school system, any classes are ones that are offered at my own school.)

Bill

so he’s obviously head of the journalism staff

and he definitely is a part of yearbook too

and what is he interested in most??

chemistry

no one really understands why, but they don’t question it as long as he helps them with homework

and bill is 10/10 that guy who always has his homework done and let’s you borrow it

his worst class is by far history

he’s in choir and plays the piano for like, every song

he actually has a really nice set of pipes (he’s a tenor, too)

he’s terrible with dates

Darcy

so darcy is on yearbook because he can take the most stunning photos

and he is also a part of journalism, and his niche is critiquing

plays?? restaurants?? sports??

and yes, he goes to sporting events

and yes, romeo gives him a wink everytime he sees him at the baseball games

it’s a ship to end all ships

he isn’t quite sure what he wants to do in the future

i forgot to mention - these are headcanons for when each one is a senior in high school, i’m not working out ages in relation to each other. find someone more motivated for that

but he does know he wants to go to a really nice college

he’s definitely on chess club, and he’s a member of key club too

Katherine

journalism, guys. and she’s not into heavy creative writing, more like articles and interviews and such

president of debate

and her style game is strong - she, bill, and darcy are the three best dressed. facts.

she makes such pretty notes

and she slays in argument writing

english is obviously her favorite class, but a close second is her research class

and she actually sucks at cooking - she took culinary arts as a sophomore and set off the fire alarm twice

she has a free period in her schedule where she goes to the library and slaves over math

it doesn’t come easy to her

definitely has an old-school planner that is always full

Sarah

okay, i don’t know much about sarah - full disclosure, but i’ll try

so first of all, this girl is really put together

she has her schedule mapped out two months in advance, she remembers everyone’s birthday, and she already knows the vacation days during the year

she has library aide for one of her periods and knows every adult in the building by first name

she also happens to be an aide when kath has her free period and she is either the embodiment of the heart eye emoji or trying to help katherine with math

she loves psychology and already has plans to study it

she is in key club with darcy and also just volunteers a whole lot

her favorite is visiting and helping out animal shelters

she goes there so much that they finally just give her a job there

she doodles a lot on the side of her notes - it keeps her from falling asleep in science

the master of the messy top knot

Davey

okay, this boy does not know when to stop

he is taking all of the advanced classes he possibly can, and he’s stressing over them way too much

jack makes him like, 10 cups of stress relief tea daily

there’s also a running bet that the whole school is in on about whether he or kath will be valedictorian

specs says that davey will do it if he doesn’t have a heart attack before final exams

race says he’ll be so busy he’ll forget to even show up to graduation

also, while we’re at it, we need to talk about this boy’s notes. they are the hardest thing to decipher in this world, but if you can read his chicken scratch then you have a goldmine of helpful ways to study

he loves mnemonics with a burning passion and uses them at every chance he can get

his favorite class is chinese or math

and he’s definitely a part of future business leaders of america, mesa, and book club

Les

yes, this is for when les is a senior

he’s obviously not in the same year as the rest of the gang, but les as an 18 year old is gold

okay, first of all… heartthrob who genuinely doesn’t know it

he’s not actually officially part of any club, but he’s always staying after school afterward to like, float into the different club meetings

but he’s definitely an sbo - probably vice president or activities

he’s a part of band and definitely plays the saxophone

you know that means he starts off every class period by playing careless whisper

the teachers all really love him

he actually gets pretty good grades

and he is way overly competitive in review games, especially ones in history

he will wreck you

always goes off campus at lunch and walks into his next period a couple minutes late with a shake

Jack

did someone say art?????

jack does literally every form of it, and he does them all so well

davey seethes at this, but loves it when jack helps in in ceramics

he’s also really supportive of younger artists who are still perfecting their art, so he’s obviously the head of the art club

and he’s the paint master for drama club and all of their productions

he frequently falls asleep in english class

he’s also the president of latinos in action - chosen unanimously even though he wasn’t going for the position

y’all can fite me on latino! jack kelly

also, his signature style is a blue sweatshirt, and all of his clothes have paint on them

he’s also that kid who never has a pencil on him, and never returns the ones he is given just because he always forgets

Crutchie

so i don’t know where the headcanon about crutchie being on the swim team originated, but it is dear to my heart and lives on in this post

he is the nice™ jock

also, he wants to go into the medical field for sure

he had medical terminology as last class of the day and it makes his day 10 times more bright

he uses highlighters so much (but only the yellow ones)

also, crutchie is lowkey a style icon???

all of his teachers love him

he’s that kid that always raises his hand in a group discussion, and it’s one of two things: a lame pun that gets more groans than laughs, or a really insightful bit of knowledge 

there is no in-between

definitely volunteers with sarah at the animal shelters and is a part of french club, even though he’s only ever gone to like, two meetings

Albert

albert wrestles, no one can convince me otherwise

but he’s also on dance co.

we love a well rounded boy - especially when he’ll pull up if you question his life choices

he is soooo salty, and he has no filter. Even in front of teachers.

anyone in his history class can attest to this - especially when they are going through america’s messy past

literally does not care about the majority of his classes

but he maintains a good gpa so he can be on the wrestling team

also, he failed his driving test twice, and when he got his license it didn’t make a difference since no one would trust him with a car anymore

but he’s actually really good in his business and marketing class

he frequently helps in the little store that the business class runs during lunch and stuff because he’s really good with money and change

Race

a part of dance company

and he hates the early morning practices with a passion but will just chug energy drinks to get through it

this boy doesn’t sleep… unless it’s in english

the most surprising thing about him is that he’s really good at math??

and he doesn’t even try - he’ll be talking all class period and then finish the homework in class in like, 10 minutes flat

it’s the same thing with physics

but it’s not like you can ask him for help, because he doesn’t really listen to the professor or follow their methods and steps

like i said earlier, race just doesn’t care

or so you think, but his shirt is always matching the color of his shoes and headphones, but then his hair is literal mess and he wears like, he only owns like, two different pairs of joggers

he’s honestly such a mystery

Buttons

okay, so buttons kills it at fashion, which is why he aces his fashion design class

he’s head costumer for all of the drama departments musicals and plays

he’s also really into art history, and he gets inspiration from art all the time

he’s definitely a part of key club and is a part of national honors society although he’s only ever gone to a couple meetings for both

he gets pretty decent grades in everything but physics, but he definitely tries to study for all of his classes

he goes stag to every school dance and deliberately tries to get his ships together for a song

coffee??? he only ever drinks it black

it’s how he stops romeo from taking his

he’s also a dork who color codes his notes because they help him study better

but he has no idea how to take notes for math class, so he kinda just does example problems and then is confused on how it ever did it in the first place

Elmer

so this is one musically talented boy

he plays the guitar, trumpet, and drums

it’s also an inside joke with him and jojo that they both play the castanets

but he’s definitely a part of any band the school offers - as well as pit for the musical

he’s a really chill, laid-back student that gets their work done and just hangs out

he is very nice and definitely a teacher aid for one of the english teachers

and he’s also a part of the poetry club

it’s to improve his songwriting as well as give him a place to destress

He’s definitely the guy who will always lend you his notes if you missed a day, but he’s also not that great at taking notes because his mind is always on something else

he’s also an attendance office aide for one of his periods

Henry

he took ballroom as a joke with mike, and he really ended up liking it

but he’s not a part of dance co. because their style is totally different from ballroom

He also has a lot of energy, so he’s that kid that’s always bouncing his leg up and down and making the desk behind him shake

but no one ever asks for him to stop because he has the biggest smile that you just can’t shut down??

he knows this, though, and he definitely uses it on teachers to get extensions on his work, and he does, like 80% of the time

his worst class is probably english because he can’t just sit down and read for long periods of time

but during the shakespeare unit he kills it because he’s always first to volunteer to read or do a part

his handwriting is very messy and he uses so many abbreviations not even davey knows what they’re saying

always races to be first in the lunch line

always one of the first people to be in class

Hot Shot

he has auto shop as his first class of the day and absolutely loves it

but he’s also that kid that hangs out with his friends in the middle of the hallway, bottlenecking the whole thing during passing time

thinks he’s the cool™ kid

wears leather jackets exclusively

he hates any core class

but secretly really likes his humanities class

he’s taking italian with spot and the poor teacher just can’t handle these two together

he’s also secretly good at basketball

the coach found out somehow and asks him every year to be on the team

but hot shot would rather die than be on a school team

Ike

has a youtube channel where he mostly posts prank videos  especially those that involve the school

he ran for sbo and was elected as treasury, even though mike is the one who went to all of the meetings for like, two months straight

he is the epitome of a class clown, but it’s always in good fun

he always is wearing a black t-shirt under his sbo sweater

and since he’s an sbo he has to go to all the sports game to support and stuff and he cheers the absolute loudest

he does gymnastics with mike after school every day and at every sbo meeting he brings up how it needs to be a part of the sports at school

he never takes notes but can retain everything

his worst class is anything science related

but he’s secretly really good a history

A proud member of spanish club

Mike

mike is definitely the more artsy twin

he takes drawing and ceramics but can’t paint for the life of him

he’s a part of the art club with jack and is basically second in command there

he does gymnastics with ike after school and is on dance co.

he struggles with math and science but gets by okay

has a free period for first where he could be sleeping in or studying but instead he goes to auto shop to talk to hot shot

he definitely has a crush. hot shot won’t admit it, but he loves mike being there.

he usually wears bright colors with his dance co. jacket

doesn’t really like coffee, but he always has a coke on him - it’s his one weakness

is also a part of spanish club

Kenny

okay, so i know, like, nothing about kenny, so i’m just going with my gut based off of his photo

film is his passion and he wants to be a director one day

is 10/10 that kid in your photography class that spends 90% of the time making stop-motion videos

he’s very nice and is always lending jack pencils even though he knows he’ll never get them back

also, there’s a running gag that he and darcy are the same person, ike runs conspiracy theory videos on his youtube channel

his two favorite classes are film (duh) and theatre

he’s a part of the ensemble of every musical the school puts on

he’s even directed a show a couple of times for the spotlight showcase

he is like that background kind of kid that is a part of the big groups and is totally included but just doesn’t have a huge role in the big stuff

he hates having to write essays because he says it’s sucking the creativity out of writing

also likes psychology

JoJo

co-captain of the soccer team

also a madrigal with bill and specs (he’s a baritone)

always tries out for the school musicals, and he usually gets a main part

he takes quite a few advanced classes and it is not rare to find him passed out on one of the other newsies’ couch

he manages to keep a good gpa with his schedule

his favorite class besides madrigals is probably latinos in action, which he has the same period as jack

while he doesn’t play any instruments himself you can always find him hanging out in the band room at lunch

he is absolutely terrible in math but is taking college math now so he can get it done with and never have to do again for as long as he lives

his aspirations are pretty much all over the place at the moment, but he smiles through the uncertainty

“i feel like it’s fine”

Romeo

on the baseball team

a shameless flirt, especially with darcy

did someone say president of the asian american club??

he’s also a part of drama club because he has a passion for theatre

he can’t when it comes to math, though

so instead of getting frustrated he just writes notes in the calculators for people to find

he’ll also fall asleep in that class

he’s definitely a partner in crime with ike and frequently is a guest on his youtube channel

studying??? who’s she???

really good at debate, though. katherine keeps telling him he should join the club but he says his skills are beyond that of a club

Finch

on the track team and one of the fastest runners

it’s a good outlet for all of his energy

he takes notes in all of his classes since he learned all the strategies from avid, but he never looks back at them

surprisingly gets really good test scores, though

you know he takes wildlife biology and he memorizes like, every type of bird call

he can even mimic some of them - it’s how he wakes romeo up in math.

he also goes out every day for lunch, and his next period is english which he has with like, all of the boys, so he’s always throwing fries across the room for henry or mush to catch in their mouths

he beats his own school records every year so he’s like, constantly the athlete of the month

definitely goes to all of the different sports games and cheers very loud

carries a huge water bottle that he fills up during french class to get out of presentations

Kid Blink

first of all, this kid does not do any kind of sport because his depth perception rivals that of mine

which means it  s u c k s 

however, he kills it at math and physics is his one true love

If you need a study partner for either, he’s your guy. just know that he explains nothing and goes pretty fast. keep up and you can do math with him.

he lowkey hates history because it’s about a whole bunch of dead people who were problematic

he’s a part of mesa

he takes american sign language and it’s one of his favorite classes

he and smalls are constantly having conversations from across the room

a lot of the time it’s about the teacher, and one time they were caught by their chemistry teacher who knew asl

they got detention for like, a week because of it

Mush

here comes the heartthrob!!!!

very handsome, and his strong suit is engineering. which always shocks people.

which means he’s definitely a part of mesa and the engineering and technology club

he’s definitely the person to go to if you need help in physics. he explains things really well

the only bad part about it is that he also goes off on tangents when he’s explaining and you can get confused if you listen too long

he’s actually kind of a style icon, his hair is probably the best out of everyone

he always has headphones in, but one earbud is out so he can hear the teacher and whatnot

he cannot act for the life of him

but he has a good-natured laugh that makes up for the cringe 

he also cannot dance

Smalls

okay, so smalls is a part of the asian american club, key club, and poetry club 

even though he cannot write to save his life, they let him come because he’s uber supportive

there’s also a joke that he and spot are a part of the short™ club

lowkey, smalls started this joke because he finds it hilarious when spot gets upset

he actually takes interior design and it’s his favorite class

he’s really good with color

he also takes woodworking and makes the guys stuff for it

davey has a bookshelf and jack has a desk

takes asl with kid blink and loves it

is the kid who always has to stand up to take notes because seating charts always put him in the back, despite his height

Sniper

okay, so sniper is a cheerleader but don’t let that fool you - she’s also on the wrestling team and will take you down

albert is like her older brother and helps her with her business class

she regrets having taken it, but she needed another cte credit and thought it would be safer than welding

she has a criminal law class that she loves with all of her heart

she writes in all capitals

she’s also that kid that writes all of her essays handwritten to spite her english teacher which, on the first day of school, complain about her writing in all caps

she’s good with history and has it with albert and it’s her personal goal to get him to laugh at her comments in that class

studying??? sounds studious. and not a part of her aesthetic.

has an attendance office aide period where she mostly does the homework for her next class period

is that kid that always almost swears in class debates

Specs

first, our boy is president for madrigals (he’s a low bass)

then he’s a proud part of the book club

his thing is psychology, and he goes in hard, he and sarah sit next to each other and talk in hushed whispers about all the cool stuff they learn

he takes very neat notes

but only has to look at them two or three times before he’s ready to take a test

is always an ensemble member in the school musicals

he is also a library aide and constantly smells like old books

very organized

his locker always has everything you could possibly need - a jacket, hat, bag of trail mix, water, etc.

the mom friend™

Spot

first of all, he’s that kid who always sits in the same seat. if you’re sitting in his seat, you’re dead. don’t @ him.

he hates science with a burning passion and is so glad he finished all of his credits for it in junior year

is actually a bit of a history buff

but he never participates in class, just writes really good essays and aces every test

and speaking of writing

he’s actually really into creative writing

who did you think started the writing club???

but he’s no less tough

he always wears a leather jacket, a red shirt, cuffs the bottom of his jeans, and has his pen tucked behind his ear

he doesn’t really take notes, and he only writes in pen

Tommy Boy

captain of dance company

is having none of race’s idiocy at practices either

but he’s actually really funny and nice, all the teachers love him

can’t write a summary in english for the life of him but will write a 10 page essay on why dance company is a part of the performing arts and deserves just as much recognition as theatre, choir, and band

only ever eats out of the vending machines for lunch

is a part of french club

really likes culinary arts because his one weakness is sugar

can’t do any form of art other than dance

but he doesn’t need to - he’s that good

notes??? what are those???

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

[lil-miss-methodical]

On My Block was an immaculate depiction of family and resonated the meaning of 'squad goals'.

It's in the center of this diverse group that don't call themselves friends but instead family, that the heart of the story really resides. They're all apart of a grounded culture being all of colored people (AA's & Latinos) but they were all different individual characters that made up this functional crazy dynamic.

When we start out it's with a team of four - Monse our fierce female who has more courage in her pinky than most of the guys. She's a no bullshit taking kind of gal who believes in fighting for her fam (probably because one of hers walked out). Then we have Cesar, he's destiny to join a gang because his family legacy is in fact their own gang. Cesar is fine as hell, suave as hell, charming as hell, smart as hell, and not your normal good looking guy. He's not a player, not a foolish or light hearted guy. He's someone you could see with a bright future...and yet many like him end up gang chained. Ruby is the small shrimp of the squad, but what he lacks and size and muscle he makes up for with his gift of gab. He has a Virgo personality - type A, obsessive, organized, focused on small details. But he also has such heart. Wanting the best for those around him. Jamal is our 'black' voice. Normally this role is given to females but here we are and I love him for it. Jamal redefines the black male image on entertainment tv. Hes not over masculine, but he's not emasculated either. He's not closed off or emotionally stented from hood life - hell he can't even hold a secret much less his emotions. He's not your resident jock, he's not your airhead, or your athlete. In fact even though he feels pushed towards football, he actually hates the sport. His passion is found in the puzzle and understanding shit for what it is. Olivia joins the crew last but she's def a nice addition. They don't use her to be a rift or to lower Monse's status by having them riffled with jealousy and secret hate for one another. The women loved one another and went out of their way to do for the other, despite their situation. Olivia is a girls girl but they don't shine a bad light on that like it's wrong. She loves this concept of squad meaning family and she tries her damnedest to hold that shit together.

The show features concepts of gangs on the surface...you have Cesar's family gang, the rival gang and lil Ricky's crew. But the show doesn't try to over play gang concepts for entertainment...which often happens in entertainment television. They represented them how they just are...a part of the community. Just like our resident Squad, the gangs had a family/friendship quality like to them. They didn't give Spooky the villain cast just because he was a gang leader. He was feared, yes, but he was so much more than a gang leader. He had his own charm, he was not the bogeyman - he was a man who chose a life in part to take care of his younger brother. He had goals and dreams, he was smart and capable, and his being a part of the gang didn't erase that reality of what/who he had been. The rival crew weren't treated as evil either...the show presented the laws of the street simply as they are. Even though the rivalry tend to be latinos vs blacks in gangs that didn't overarch into the the internal circles - meaning Jamal was an automatic enemy to Spooky/Cesar because he was black. Lil Ricky's Crew although robbers and dead - their stent was about friendship. That representation of that friendship and who they were was the key to the puzzle. There was no stereotyping in the story, no Hollywood bullshit.

I love love so I ship the shit out of Cesar and Monse. They were right up my alley with their tease back and forth nature. Chemistry was on point. They didn't pretend like Cesar had to be control because he was a guy - even physically. In fact in his relationship with Monse he has to put in extra work to pull things his way. That was one of the cutest shits about them. Most of all, I love this concept of a guy just feeling all them damn emotions. They didn't try to make Cesar any harder than he had to be so there were many a time where we get to see him extend his emotional bounds and it's beautiful. I think it's important for coming of age stories that have love stories showing a guy extend himself instead of it always being the girl who has to chase, bend, or change herself. I loved that they were presented as that no matter what couple. I hate this need that a lot of writers seem to have to tell young people that love when you're young is juvenile and unimportant and so I was happy that didn't happen here. I love this fact that she had this belief in him that was unbreakable and didn't need validation to exist. While their thing was supposed to be a secret to outsiders he never tried to keep things from her - even when he fucked up he wanted to tell her before anyone else although his communication skills were whack (how you gonna tell someone that over the phone boo?! 😒) but she was his confidant, his go to - even when who he was upset with was her, he didn't hold that in and I think that's important. I really dug their thing. It was one of my favorite elements.

Ruby and Olivia's thing is cute. They're in the start up of what they could be but I am here for it too. They didn't try to play my baby - when he told her to go out and experience life but know that he's gonna be the love of her life, my jaw hit the floor and I was shooketh! They def had me on edge wanting to see what was next for these two.

The show was amazing. You get the sense that the writers knew what they were doing and what they wanted to say. The comedy was appropriate - current and not riffled with over used jokes. The comedy comes from the identity of the characters. It felt authentic - that alone is a joy because often when people do inner city productions the dialogue is terrible and it seems like they've never been around those groups before. That didn't happen with this show. These were all kids you could imagine knowing for real. Their personalities weren't at all over reaching and their internal struggles were relatable. The story was about more than a Squad, more than a group of friends - it was about a family who were willing to fight for that bond, fight for each other and  willing to die for one another. Even in the end - it was about going the extra mile in the face of those you care about. It was about protecting Squad.

This season did what it was supposed to do...it let us in - introduced us to the players and teased us with who they were. But it also showed us the door to season two. They left us hanging from  the cliff praying breath held. We have the questions and know the possibilities. We're in just deep enough to care and crazy enough to hope. A second season is not at all a difficult possibility to imagine - deservingly so.

There were so many aspect I loved about this show! The writers didn't have time for bullshit: The black man stayed and raised his daughter. The black parents weren't overly oppressive and controlling but passionate in the support of their child. Latinos didn't have to curb their tongue just because someone who didn't fully understand the language was around - in fact the one time he did question terminology he was told Google was his friend, and then later he understood the term by context clues (which was his bases every time they switched) Guys can have emotions and girls can sometimes hurt those feelings by being overbearing, or less sensitive...just like a guy can. Slut shaming is wrong - even if it is your old as granny Sass is not only a female trait - never fool yourselves Girls can like the same guy and not let it turn them into some raving mad cliche Casual presentation of culture is a beautiful thing

Review:

Acting/Casting: 10/10 The casting was perfect. Every stepped into the identities of their character and as the show went on the acting progressed as well. 

Directing: 8/10 The setting/set up was amazing. They really gave you that vibe and the sense of for the story but I do think camera work could have used some work.

Story: 8.5/10 I only deduct points because I was able to predict where it was going basically from the start. 

Over All: 9/10 I would def watch several times over and I'm here for season 2 which I better get!

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

Chapter Six: Flashback, one of two, and also Maya’s in it

[Beginning] [Chapter Masterlist]

“Hey, Chief, question: so murder’s murder even if it’s one of the Fair F -- the fae, who’s murdered.”

“Murder is murder when a person is killed, accounting for manslaughter, accidental death, and the like -- honestly, Phoenix, you just think a person doesn’t count?”

“No! I mean, like… It just surprises me, is all, that you would let a human court arbitrate it and not just…”

“Revenge ourselves on the suspected killer with our magics in our home realm?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s always a possibility -- but it’s far too messy. That sort of thing tends to drag others who are far outside of the disagreement into the fighting, by way of networks of alliances, and before you know it there’s a full war that began because of a stupid crime of passion in a human bar. Some time before me, our Courts decided that humans and your courts and laws are the closest to fair, neutral judgment available, and that we would abide by their verdicts. Oh, certainly humanity was not consulted, but it is to your benefit to investigate the killings of fae, so as the allies of the deceased will not strike a curse down on all who were in the vicinity. And besides, you don’t think that, if humanity agreed that fae deaths won’t be tried, that rule wouldn’t be abused? That any man might claim his neighbor was one of the Fair Folk and killing him does not ‘count’ -- that any mother might throw her child in a fire because it acted just the slightest bit strange and claim that its life was forfeit on her suspicion?”

“You say that humans are fair and then list out all that. Neutral, with our lying and biases and stupid foolhardy impulsive actions--”

“Other than lies, we have the same faults, but so often magnified. We are impulsive and petty and cruel, with bias bred into our bloodlines -- it is an imperfect decision, as we are imperfect, as you are imperfect, as I have found even your laws to be. We make do with our best. It is all we have, in the end.”

-

A cold iron stake through the heart will kill anyone, not just one of the fae.

The same, Phoenix thinks, would go for an iron bullet through the forehead.

It’s not that he doesn’t know what Magnifi was -- Zak told him that from the beginning, and Pearl’s gift confirms for him that he wasn’t lying. And even without it, he could still see the lingering traces that Zak was a witch -- once. Their powers fade quickly when their patron is gone. He knows that without asking.

If it should matter, though, there is no way to prove to anyone else what Magnifi was.

Fae corpses don’t leave evidence. If they leave a corpse at all -- most do, but not all, and those deaths by their nature are never judged but in the Courts of Kurain, if the dead has the allies to bring the matter forth -- it is indistinguishable from a human’s, a last residual enchantment to make sure they cannot be ignored or dismissed.

Or to fuck with those left behind, as Phoenix comes to understand of Magnifi.

The evidence of the trial made that much obvious: one shot to the forehead; you cannot refuse, and we both know the reason why. A final cruelty to impart on those whom he bargained with -- and why wouldn’t he? If he knew he was dying -- of age, a curse from another, whatever it was -- the Gramarye witches would outlast him. And even if his death would take their powers away, the fae never like to feel that they’ve been cheated. One last indignity: don’t forget what you lost forever to make a bargain with me.

There is a lot Phoenix does not know, answers he is still seeking, but this, he understands. The nature of the fae, he understands.

The Bar Association suspends his badge pending inquiry, the hearing scheduled for one short week after the trial. News travels fast about Phoenix, ever since von Karma, ever since Gant, two pillars of the legal system he brought crumbling down, and the prosecution already had done half of their inquiry for them, placing Drew Misham in the courtroom with a speed that made Phoenix’s head spin. His memories of the trial are patchy, direly so, when it comes to the diary page -- how he got it, why he didn’t find it too suspicious to present -- and that will be his own inquiry: who fooled him, and how. It probably wasn’t Zak; it very likely could have been Gavin, a prodigy looking to make a name for himself, with enough enchantments and glamours to make it happen. He is human at the core and nowhere else, but the old adage, foot in each world, doesn’t seem so true, not when he drapes himself in iron jewelry like he thinks it can ground him firmly on this side of the veil.

Phoenix doesn’t trust him -- Phoenix has five people whom he personally trusts -- but he can’t condemn him, not yet. Not without more evidence.

The first lead he chases down is the forger himself, Drew Misham. (No, not himself.) The forger is his daughter, Vera, a shy, sickly little girl, and a changeling besides. Drew seems to know, but he won’t say it outright -- Vera is “exceptionally talented”, “a genius”, and he never makes eye contact with Phoenix. She was the only one to see the client’s face, and whoever it was has done a good job of convincing her to clam up. A gentle smile, she says. Like an angel, but for the briefest of moments -- a slip in the upkeep of a glamour? -- Vera saw the devil.

Not exactly helpful, and definitely worrying when compounded with the secret charm that she won’t show, but she does tell him that she lays an enchantment on all of her forgeries -- not in those exact words. Phoenix isn’t even sure that she realizes what she is, that her powers are not human.

Valant is the second he speaks with, at the detention center where he has been interred for trying to pin the murder on Zak. Talking to him -- or maybe it’s that Phoenix retrieved the magatama to keep with him on this investigation -- brings one memory into sharper focus -- the girl, the little girl, Zak’s daughter, as human as her father but draped in magic even when it was fading from Magnifi’s two pupils. And that is definitely worrying, too; Phoenix has stumbled sightlessly into the dark, and something monstrous is lurking in it.

He nearly misses his hearing -- an unnecessary formality because there wasn’t one among them, except apparently Kristoph Gavin, who hadn’t decided that Phoenix’s badge would be gone at the end of it -- trying to track down Trucy. The Gramaryes were an elusive coven -- Valant tried to make a cursory protest on the terminology, “Troupe! We were not…”, and Phoenix broke the single lock by just staring him down until he rescinded his words -- who were never found by those desperate enough to seek them out, but instead would appear to them in the midst of their search. If they had a home base, Valant won’t say, and no one else in the world knows. Zak’s daughter, Trucy is her name, could be anywhere in the city, anywhere beyond the city, out to the mountains of Kurain, and Phoenix might never find her.

Getting an answer from her about who she received the diary page from would be a bonus; Phoenix is more concerned for her sake. He was only able to briefly See her, but he didn’t like the glimpse.

This is going to take some assistance.

The first thing he can unearth in his apartment that can make a circular shape is an extension cord; he drags it out to the kitchen and sets a cold half of a ground beef patty on a plate in the center. The fake candles are back at the office, but that is an unneeded trifle -- funny, but unnecessary. “Maya,” he says, stepping back from the circle and closing his eyes, “there is someone I need your help to find.”

A cold gust of wind batters against his face. When he opens his eyes, the room has filled with a slowly-dispersing purple mist, twisting in strands around the fae standing in the circle. She has gained an extra pair of eyes since he last saw her, smaller slits right along the browbone, all four glowing red. The remaining mist settles about her head like hair or the headdress of royalty, not quite blending with the void-black tendrils that frame her face. One of them extends, almost like an extra arm made of shadow, down to the floor, snatching up the burger and tossing it into her mouth. She grins, the truest cheshire smile Phoenix has ever seen, stretching literally from pointed ear to ear, displaying dozens of huge sharp fangs. “Hey Nick!”

Immediately she turns to face the refrigerator right behind her. “Are you holding out on me? That was a lame burger just now.”

“Cut me some slack. I just lost my badge. I’m trying not to burn my savings on food too quickly.”

She cocks her head, still staring at the fridge. The mist doesn’t move with her like something part of her should. “Where’d you have it last?” she asks. “If you lost it at the office, Sis will probably have it on your desk in the next couple days.”

Ah. Literalism. The main weapon and weakness both of the fae. “No, I mean -- I was disbarred. I am no longer allowed to work as a lawyer--”

He stops when he sees Maya’s face. She has finally looked at him and her expression, however hard to parse it can be, shifts rapidly, the briefest flash of something like horror that twists into fury, a contorted, monstrous rage. “Who did this to you?” she snarls, and he didn’t know he looked, physically, that bad, or that she knew how to read the depths of his exhaustion and despair from his aura. “You want my help to hunt them down and eat their hearts?”

“No! No, that’s not what I want!”

“Oh.” She frowns. “I would throw it in for free.”

“No!” He bends down to break the circle and stops. “On the condition of not eating any part of a person, I let you leave.”

“For the duration of this summoning, you have my word,” she replies. He could -- should -- argue that, try and make it a blanket deal for eternity, but he decides they can negotiate that some other time. For now, he has what he needs, and he unwinds the extension cord.

When Maya steps forth, the glamour settles over her in a wave, the mist hanging over her settling into glossy black hair, her two smallest eyes vanishing and the others whitening and gaining dark irises, her mouth shrinking, and the four small glowing orbs that drift lazily about her face sink down to become four large beads of a necklace. And then she looks like an ordinary girl, late teens or early twenties, her hair done up in a topknot and her smile small but still toothy and just a little too sharp. “So who is it that you want to find?” she asks. She frowns, but it seems like such a minute motion compared to moments ago. “Is your prosecutor in trouble again, too?”

“No; that was last month.”

And he leaves her hanging on that one and they sit at the kitchen table while he instead begins to explain his own case, his own worst situation, and the Gramaryes. She repeats Magnifi’s name to herself after he says it, again and again until her voice loses its human quality, sounding instead like the clatter of bells or a windchime, until suddenly she snaps back. “This fae you call Magnifi -- he was banished, many years ago, stripped of his power with his name and cursed to never return.”

“Why?”

“He strove for power and made those who had that power very mad,” she answers. “And so -- ouch.” She picks at some stain on the table and Phoenix winces, anticipating her leaving claw marks gouged into the wood. “He had a daughter. No other allies besides her -- she left with him, naturally.”

“Thalassa,” Phoenix says. Maya nods. “It was a far fall for him, huh, to end up where he did. Probably all he had left was the power trip over Zak and Valant, and all they had was pretending that they weren’t witches sworn to some bastard.”

“That’s the funny part of it, kinda,” Maya says. “They didn’t even credit him, when they were saying they can perform spells for whatever sorry suckers show up hoping for a miracle -- they were just like ‘yeah, no fae involved, ignore that guy, we won’t screw you out of a deal’. And they by being like that probably screwed him out of dozens more deals with sad desperate humans. No wonder he decided his death should be one last one-over on them.”

Sitting cross-legged in her chair, her hands in her lap, she leans it back to balance impossibly on two legs. She likes to cause the double-take, to force Edgeworth or Franziska or whoever else to look twice at the way she twists the world around her. “And you’re looking for his granddaughter?” she asks. “Not his daughter?”

“Thalassa is dead,” Phoenix says. “And Trucy isn’t, yet, so yes, I’m looking for Trucy.”

“I’m vaguely flattered that you think I’m powerful enough that I can just find her, just like that,” Maya says. She doesn’t wobble. “It’s not so easy, not here in this realm, not without knowing her true name.” “Trucy Enigmar,” Phoenix says. “Or Trucy Gramarye.” Maya rolls her eyes. “I need to know which, Nick.” Names have more power in the Twilight Realm. It’s why Mia, even trying to be human, stumbled on names that weren’t Phoenix, the human whose life she owned, and Dahlia, the fae she defeated. It’s why Iris only ever called him Feenie. It was the kindest gesture she could make. In the same fashion, Maya calls him Nick. They don’t own him, not entirely, though they could. “It’s only two choices. You can’t guess?” “No. I need to know.” Half of magic is certainty, Maya and Dahlia so certain they have the world at their fingertips, Iris so much meeker and weaker than her sister, Vera knowing little about herself but knowing that once instructed she can create anything and that is all she needs to know. And Valant, weaker, because he was so sure he was second-best, a self-fulfilling prophecy, the only kind of prophecy that Phoenix ever sees. A spell can’t be cast on a guess. “Is there anything you can do if you go back to the Twilight Realm?” Phoenix asks. “Hm.” Maya holds her hands up, palms facing each other, and a purple glow begins to form around them. Then she claps them together and the light vanishes, her eyes glinting red for a moment in the sterile light of his kitchen. “I’ll ask Sis for help, first.” It has started to rain when they leave Phoenix’s apartment. Biking in this weather is unfortunate enough, but Maya insists on balancing herself on the handlebars, right in Phoenix’s line of sight, and this would be the most embarrassing way for Phoenix to die after everything he has been through. They are both soaked through to the skin but only fell once by the time they arrive at the office. The lights are already on and the heat is blasting a literal warm welcome. “Hey, Sis!” Maya calls into the silence. No answer comes forth, of course, but the smile on Maya’s face is one that shows her to be more at ease than in a long time. “I could use some help! Nick’s trying to steal a kid.” “I’m trying to help her,” Phoenix objects. “Honestly, Maya.” “Yeah, yeah.” Maya twirls through the office and her hair doesn’t move like it is heavy with water, or even like it has the weight of that much hair. She stops at the shelves of law books that Phoenix has meant to read for two and a half years and never did, running her fingers down the spines but not stopping at any of them and proceeding on to the binders and file folders full of Mia’s case references and research materials that Phoenix hasn’t known how to sort and get rid of. “Somewhere here,” she mutters, “maybe there’s something.” Phoenix gives her a moment to offer one before he asks for an explanation. “After our mother left,” she says, “Sis at some point moved some of the royal records out of the Twilight Realm. I think she was worried about our aunt getting her hands on them.” The pages turn without Maya touching them. Her bangs and the hair framing her face sway as though there is a gentle wind to tousle them. “But… nope.” She stops on a page and squints down at it, only to resume flipping a few seconds later. “This Magnifi of yours, his true name – it wasn’t just taken, but erased. There’s not even an echo for me to work from.” The binder slams shut and is tossed over her shoulder without her moving her hand. “If these witches were well-enough known, how did people usually find them?” “They didn’t,” Phoenix says. “Anyone who went looking for them, they would eventually appear to.” “Huh,” Maya says. “Well, we’ve got two options, now!” Phoenix is already bracing himself to hear them. “We can go out and wander until I find us a likely trail, or you can put up some – uh, wanted posters.” “Wanted? For the Old West, maybe, but—” “Then, a ‘lost kid’ kinda thing. You do that, right? With the description, and the phone number, and the reward money.” “That’s for pets.” “It could be for kids. Don’t let your narrow-minded cultural assumptions box you in.” “Ah.” Sometimes, Phoenix has no idea what the hell she is talking about. “If we’ve got to make a grid search of the city, we’d better get started.” Maya hops up onto the couch and pushes the curtains aside to look out at the rain. “Maya, do you know how big Los Angeles is?” She looks back at him with her head cocked. “No,” she says. “How big?” Again they set out, on foot this time. “We’re helping her by stealing her,” Maya says, jumping squarely into a puddle and splashing muddy streetwater up Phoenix’s jeans. “It’s not either-or.” She tilts her head back, face to the clouds that are darkening from gray to black as night falls. “I bet Sis can save her, like she did you.”

Streetlamps flicker as they pass, and in those brief spurts of shadow, Maya’s shape flickers too.

She leads him down streets he didn’t know existed, past storefronts that look long-abandoned, with neon signs still glowing in the windows but not the puddles they should be reflected in. “You definitely were enchanted, by the way,” she adds. “I can still see the residue.”

“It’s been a week,” Phoenix says.

“Well, double-layered enchantments are harder to shake off and take longer to fade.” She shakes her head. “You were doomed as soon as you took that paper, without anyone to help you. You’re only human, after all.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I know.” A cheap, sad ball bounced back and forth between players of a game whose rules he doesn’t understand, then as in now, a pawn dragged to the other side of the board to be crowned a knight and turned back again.

“What did you say this coven called themselves, again?” Maya asks, when they’ve been out for a little more than an hour, Phoenix soaked through to the bone, Maya having given up the illusion that weather affects her the way it does mere mortals. Her skin does not shine wet in the light. Her hair still flutters like a ribbon with the breeze of passing cars.

“Gramarye.”

“The name itself might be an invocation,” she says.

“What, like ‘Bloody Mary’ three times in the mirror and she’ll--”

Maya squints at him. “I don’t know anyone who uses that moniker,” she says, very seriously. “Is that a meme?”

Phoenix regrets teaching her about memes, for many more reasons than this, but also specifically for this. “The -- the belief is that you say her name three times and she’ll appear behind you in the mirror.” He turns to his reflection, staring back at him out of the dark window of a closed-down ramen shop. “Gramarye,” he says firmly, despite feeling a little silly, and doubting that the reflection is even necessary. “Gramarye, Gramarye.”

“That’s not a mirror,” Maya says.

“I don’t wear makeup so I’m not going to just have one in my pocket--” Something flashes in the storefront window and Phoenix glances back. Something is glowing, a small pink light, and he figures that some neon sign in the shop has sputtered back to life until it moves, flitting about like a moth thumping up against a lamp. He looks back over his shoulder. There, down at the end of the block, the light is dancing up above the street. “Maya, look,” he says, nudging her, not even sure why he’s pointing it out but compelled to. “What’s that? We should go look—”

“Nope!” She grabs his arm and yanks him back. He hadn’t realized he ha started walking, toward it, until she stopped him. “What’d we just talk about, Nick?”

“Bloody Mary? Or that I’m only human?” The light pulses, brighter and softer, but never too bright that the glare is jarring in the dark and the rain.

“Yes! That without me you walk right into enchantments!”

“An enchantment?” He looks again at the light, really looks, but nothing about its shape or color changes and he takes another step forward. The edges of his vision are blurry, like he is staring through a sheet of falling water, and he should be able to see something—

He didn’t see anything suspicious about the diary page, either. Glancing over at Maya, his stomach momentarily turns over at the sight of the pale claws on his arm. “It’s trying to lead you astray,” she says, and even when she isn’t grinning, her full shark’s mouth of several rows of teeth is made visible, and she tugs at his arm again. “Back this way.”

The light bobs back and forth, sashaying forward as Phoenix moves away from it. “A will o’ the wisp?” he asks.

Maya nods. “A distraction,” she says, very seriously. “This is all very clever, actually.” One hand still closed around his upper arm -- he blinks and wills her claws to look like stubby nails and blunt fingertips again -- she pulls him back toward the storefront. “The doorway appears where there is a need, then the wisp distracts for the witch to step forth and seem to have just appeared from nowhere.” She reaches forward, touching a finger to the glass, and it wobbles and ripples like water, opening wider and wider a circle big enough to step through. “Because you can’t just teleport like that. There always has to be a door, but it adds to the illusion if it doesn’t look like there’s one.” Stepping to the side, she waves to usher Phoenix in first. He can see a stained wooden stairs descending, before they are swallowed up entirely by darkness. “Age before beauty!”

Even in the most human of her grins, he is reminded what she is.

Beneath his feet, the steps creak at every movement, the walls closing tighter and tighter as he descends, brushing against both of his shoulders at the same time. He fumbles forward, one hand stretched out groping blindly for an exit or a wall. Maya is prodding him in the back as they go -- “C’mon, Nick, you’re so slow!”

“I can’t see,” he protests, right as he walks straight into something solid, the impact of his hand against it jarring his entire body. “Ah.”

Maya’s hand brushes past his ear to reach over and tap the wall. With a loud scraping sound, a thin crack of light slowly spreads wider and wider, shifting aside to reveal the interior of a gaudy gilded room. It isn’t the decrepit shack he expected, no rats or exposed wires or broken furniture, but it still disgusts what slight aesthetic sense he has. Everything is gold, or red, or black, a collection of clashing decorative styles, Victorian-looking couches with abstract modernist tables and shelves, and a few implements that look like something from a circus, strange boxes and colorful flags and hula hoops.

Stage magic. Phoenix snorts.

Sitting on the couch, a blue plastic bowl in her hands, a spoonful of mac-and-cheese on its way to her mouth, is Zak’s daughter. “Oh!” she says brightly, through a mouthful of noodles. “Hi, Mr Lawyer! If I had known it was you I wouldn’t have let Mr Hat lead you away.”

Mr Hat? Phoenix mouths it at Maya, even though reasonably there is no way she will know what that means. She shrugs. “Hi Trucy,” he says, looking around for a place to sit and deciding he doesn’t trust anything in this place. “Your daddy hasn’t come back, has he?”

Her face falls. “No,” she says. “He hasn’t. But he told me I could trust you, Mr Lawyer!”

Why, Phoenix so desperately wants to ask, but he is trying to keep that trust and that question will not do him any good. “I did some digging to find out if you have any other family,” he says, trying to keep eye contact with her while also watching where he puts his feet. “And it didn’t seem like it, so I wondered if you wanted to stay with me for a little while -- until your daddy comes back.”

She nearly overturns her bowl trying to set it down. “So if I stay with you,” she says, “does that mean we’ll be family?”

“I, uh… I guess so?”

Maya is laughing quietly as she circles the room, plucking up the decorations on the mantles and setting them back down. “Who is she?” Trucy asks. “Will she be my new mommy?”

“Er -- no. No, no.”

Trucy’s face falls. “Oh,” she says. “Since my mommy disappeared years ago, I thought I might get a new one now too.”

“No,” Phoenix says, “she’s just -- a friend.” Sort of. As much as human and fae can ever be friends, without the tangle of deals and magic and curses that always litter those relationships. He’s heard of romantic couplings of fae and human -- ones genuinely built on love, he means -- but that was not his experience and he has no intention of repeating anything close to that situation.

“I’m Maya,” she says. “Nick and I have known each other for a few years now. You can trust him.” She grins. Trucy hasn’t recoiled from horror from her; it doesn’t appear that she has the Sight, and another quick glance over her confirms that. Phoenix hadn’t paid attention to that last time, distracted as he was by everything else that was going on, with her, and in general. Now he can see that her eyes don’t change, but marked around them is a teal glow, in the shape of a diamond, over each of her eyes like a variation on a domino mask. He can’t quite tell what it means; curses are always easier to read, a red slash across the throat only really meaning one thing.

In the meantime, until he can ask Maya out-of-earshot, he decides he should stop staring and instead deal directly with the situation he has invited upon himself. “Oh, Trucy? You don’t have to call me ‘Mr Wright’ or ‘Mr Lawyer’ or anything. You can just call me Nick if you want.” He scratches his head, as the depth of this is beginning to weigh on him. “Or even ‘Daddy’ someday, but not now if you don’t want to--”

“Okay, Daddy!”

Oh. Okay.

“I have to get my stuff, if I’m going to be living with you,” Trucy says. “I’ll be right back!”

She springs to her feet and runs off into the next room. Phoenix moves to follow her, not sure if this place won’t swallow them both up, never to be spat back out into the world. “It’s truth, if you’re wondering,” Maya says, opening an ancient-looking wooden cupboard and rifling around in it. “The blessing on her,” she adds, emerging with a pack of microwave mac-and-cheese that for some reason was stashed there, and tearing open the pack of cheese powder and shaking it into her mouth. “It probably doesn’t look quite the same as Pearly gave you, but I wouldn’t recommend lying to her.”

“I see,” he says.

“No, you didn’t See. You were wondering.” She grins again, and she swallows the package of pasta, plastic and all. Once she told him that she can unhinge her jaw like a snake to swallow anything as big as her head; he wishes that she could lie. He wishes that her sense of humor could extend beyond literalism into exaggerated falseholds.

He steps into the hall that Trucy disappeared down, just far enough to see her running from room to room, with the clattering of objects upended and tossed aside. “Do you need help carrying things?” he calls.

Trucy sticks her head back into the hall, beaming. “Nope!” she says proudly. “I have this!” She waves at him a huge pair of frilly pink bloomers, and part of him -- most of him -- does not want to ask, but he also does not want to trek back into this hideout when he finds out she didn’t bring any of her clothes. “My magic panties are better than any suitcase!”

“Can you… elaborate?”

She reaches in through the top of the bloomers and pulls forth a pink cape. “Oh,” he says, but she drops the cape in a heap on the floor and reaches again to bring out a t-shirt. “Okay, I see. Thank you.”

Maya has wandered into the kitchen area and is continuing to devour everything she can find in the cabinets. Phoenix decides against asking her to leave him some of it to bring home for him and Trucy now. “This really isn’t a liminal space, is it?” Phoenix asks. He would be able to see if it were, the way magic hangs in the very air in his office, the way Mia herself and the last traces of her life linger.

Maya shakes her head and sinks her teeth into three donuts stacked together like a hamburger. “Hidden by magic, but no closer to the Twilight Realm than anywhere else. She’d have at least a bit of the Sight if it were.” She leans up against the wall, watching Phoenix with eyes that glamour doesn’t quite have a hold over, flickering as they do to red. “But even then, she might still be too young to know to be afraid.”

[aineryeo]

Restless Blazing Sun

Synopsis: Kyojuro recovers, and is officially deemed as a Hashira. You decide that you can't go the way you were any longer; seeking training from everyone but Kyojuro... who also kidnapped your dog.

Themes & Warnings: Coming-of-age, Slice of Life, Lighthearted Romance, Graphic Violence due to Setting, Heavy Canonical References (Theoretical calculated age to fit into the present time in the anime), Spoilers, Eventual Smut, Kind of Slow Burn, Domestic Violence (Verbal/Physical) because Shinjuro. (18+) Also, you meet Akaza, so make of that as you will. → AFAB! Reader.

Chapter Author Notes: kyojuro's realm of subconscious is literally on fire; hot and burning up. so I kind of took it as him having some sort of repressed anger/burning passion mix haha but more on the latter since it was my first impression when i watched the movie + we remain in Kyo's POV for now. He tells his father about becoming a Hashira ! We finally meet the other Hashira we know from the anime like Tengen :) (07242022 RYEO - Mm/Dd/Yy)

hello! i know i'm approximately 2 weeks late for what I've announced and I apologize, my parents kept reminding me to focus more on reviewing and I had to block sites I frequently use that aren't academically helpful such as Tumblr and other socmeds of mine, but rn im tasked with dog-sitting and I was given a chance to tie up loose ends with some of my writing since focusing intensely was crossed off with the doggo always noisy lol, im glad to know that readers are still anticipating updates from me and this series as evidenced from my askbox TT (08212022 RYEO)

Marry me first! (먼저 결혼해줘) — Series Masterlist (Age Guides, Playlist, Gallery/Picture References, Terminology List.)

Chapter 6 « Chapter 7 (Current) » Chapter 8.1

 Sometimes, the universe makes any person feel like everything going on in their lives was made by the intricate hands of fate. From all the encounters and unexpected meetings to seeing the right person at just the right time, being in the same place at just the right time, the correct year, the suitable month, and the right day; at that specific hour, minute, 'til the seconds and under. And while the universe looks down and connects these people according to its omnipotent will, the times when "the controlled" themselves are not so happy with their fate is when they've been held and faced with just the right contradictions. Just the right walls they have to climb, and it's up to them whether the wall is too high, too fickle, too short, or too hard to break through.

And just that night when Kyojuro first woke up was the right time when either of your experiences had to face each other head-first. Kyojuro had to deal with the lack of attention and the constant tear that his father would give him, and you had to deal with the fear of your father's near-death image opening up in your mind. The loss of a family for either of you continued to subtly wear on both of you over time. While Kyojuro was distracted for the few years that let by with you. Truthfully, so did you with the years spent with him. Your dynamic of unsung mutualism and interdependence towards each other continued almost endlessly. And it didn't matter that there were no butterflies in the pits of your stomach. What mattered was how you'd fall into a rhythm where nothing else should have counted.

If one other thing had to coagulate in each of your thoughts, it was safe to say that both of you felt unbearably useless at a certain point in each of your lives. One of which still prevails, that one being Rengoku Kyojuro himself.

The days in the Butterfly Mansion were silent, save for either of the Butterfly sisters coming to check up on his closing bullet wounds. He once saw a much younger girl come in. When Kanae noticed that Kyojuro glanced at the new little girl, she told him she was their new sister. Her name was Kanao, apparently. He was mildly interested, but he could only be curious enough with Kanae humoring him as a fellow Hashira now. Suffice it to say, he wasn't quite used to being suddenly called a Hashira despite knowing he was incredibly impatient initially to achieve the title. Perhaps he couldn't get quite accustomed to the feeling because no one kept pestering him with that title. Ever since that night when you threw a small fit of rage, a sudden change in emotion, and the short leave, you never quite came back.

Not even for a few minutes a day.

Of course, he was used to not always being with you due to the difference in mission assignments, but… You'd usually come around after Rintaro flies over to ask if he was here. Alas, even your companion was not in sight for the following days. Nor the next weeks or a couple of months when he started rehabilitation training. There are no drop-offs from the passing kakushi, letters, or little trinkets like weird charms, bracelets, or foreign snacks.

"Sorry, Rengoku-san, we haven't been in contact with Gushiken-san at all."

"I've cleaned up a mission she was assigned with other slayers, but she hasn't talked of anything for you."

"Gushiken-san? Ah, that Hinoto-slayer? No, she's alright. But she leaves after a mission quickly. Her other teammates would wonder why but no one really knows."

After the many rotating replies Kyojuro got from slayers who were admitted to the Mansion or the kakushi who were to drop off gravely-injured slayers and patients alike, Kyojuro could put a few pieces together. You were okay, at least. But you were elusive, and not only towards him. In the many mornings runs and stretches during his rehabilitation, his mind simply wanders between his new position, announcing the news to his father, going back to his brother, or where he went, how your well-being was, what you were doing… Won't you at least contact him?

Four months have passed since then, and Kyojuro has been healed, at least as much as he could, when he incessantly asked for permission to leave because he could already move. Kanae was more lighthearted and lenient, while her little sister… Not so much. She was almost as hard-headed as Kyojuro when she kept telling him that it was too early for him to leave. Still, Kanae would stop her, telling her that it was alright, that he was strong. He knew what he was doing to give him more respect, as he's generally an unannounced Hashira now. Oyakata-sama has yet to formally spread and acknowledge it, but the fact was there and was already quite known.

But before Kyojuro could leave, he briefly panics, looking for a particular article he had on him before he arrived at the Mansion, failing to notice it earlier since he was stuck wearing the clothes provided for patients like him.

"My haori… Have you seen it?" He almost heaves, grasping the doorframe in the office where Kanae resided. 

She looked up, thinking for a while. Her long hair swayed back. Quickly disrupted by the walking footsteps on the porch leading to the office. Kyojuro looks to the side, greeted by the face of Shinobu Kocho, eyebrows slightly curved downwards with a slight, unassuming frown.

"Your haori? It's all torn up and blown with too many holes. We were supposed to throw it out while doing an emergency procedure on you since it's barely called a haori anymore."

This made Kyojuro's jaw slack for that following split second before his nervous chuckle permeated through the air.

"Have you thrown it out already?"

"No, not yet." The back of Kyojuro's mind thanked Kami for Shinobu to reply quickly at that.

Because if not, then… Uncharacteristically, Kyojuro may have acted out more than he nor any of the present Butterfly sisters would have thought he could. He releases a breath of relief.

"I still want it." Kyojuro straightens up from his previously slightly disheveled stance on the doorframe in their office. "Please give it back."

He clears his throat and notices that young Kocho is raising one of her eyebrows almost judgmentally to ask why he'd still want it back in its current state. Kyojuro could only follow up quickly with, "A… Friend of mine owns that haori. I must not lose it."

The younger Butterfly gives him a look of fair criticism and mixed curiosity before nodding lightly. "Alright, please wait here. Please don't bother my sister too much."

The boy nods fervently and obediently, sitting with the unannounced speed at the edge of the porch, legs crossed as he waits patiently for the girl's return. Looking on into their own garden. For a while, he enjoyed it; but he could only enjoy it so much as his chest felt almost painful. But he remembers that he was not diagnosed with injuries close to the area. It was mainly grazed, and a few bullets penetrated through his arms and the space between his neck and his shoulder.

"You look afflicted, Rengoku-san." Kanae begins softly with a smile, sitting beside him, with sufficient space between them so as not to impose. At least that's what Kanae thought, as well as the fact that he could be uncomfortable and…

"Is it about Gushiken-san? I notice you look for her quite often."

The crease in Kyojuro's face eased when everything was brought up for him. Kanae notices this and giggles mischievously, but Kyojuro's usual perceptiveness for other people's emotions works wonders as he sees this. The only thing was that he wasn't going to address it. He didn't feel like it. The same way he composes himself and utters with a rhythmic smile and a shake of his head:

"Hahaha! I appreciate your concern, Kanae-san."

She reciprocates with a small and straightforward smile, eyes closed and face full of peace, as Kyojuro assumes. The boy, in turn, only smiles back and shakes his head to deny what she is saying.

"There is always time," Kanae says, with half-lidded eyes, staring at the flowing water of their small fountain made of rock and bamboo.

What she said made Kyojuro look at her quizzically, but the girl who looked around his age kept her face staring in the same direction. A light breeze brushed over the two as the girl's eyes were now trained on the two small butterflies in flight, enraptured and circling around one another. This allows a slight giggle to erupt from her throat. "—There is always time. Simply, if you make it, Rengoku-san."

“Rengoku-san, here it is.” The sound of soft footsteps, with wood meeting the delicate material of Shinobu's socks and her set voice, rendered Kyojuro and Kanae to give their attention to Shinobu.

In her hand was the mangled haori, stained with both blood and dirt, reeking of his dry sweat.

"We didn't wash it because… You know. Sorry." Shinobu hands it over politely, tilting her head downwards.

Kyojuro, already standing up, takes the haori and pats Shinobu on the head gratefully.

"I am simply glad that I still have it."

Kanae laughs inwardly.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The day had come when Rengoku Kyojuro was formally welcomed as a Hashira. He was also declared one, along with two other new Hashira. The first one had dark hair, the other lighter, incredibly lighter. White, to be exact. The place where they were set to meet Oyakata-sama, as well as their other senior Hashira, was in an open-sheltered place. Where low hills of well-kept grass were surrounded well enough by trees of Wisteria further into its borders. A place that looked a little farther than a couple of other towns.

Pillars and floors were made of dark wood, while the space allowed wind and breeze from the trees to permeate the meeting area. The inner room was covered in tatami, where Kyojuro was kneeling now. Oyakata-sama had walked in, prompting Kyojuro and the rest of the Hashira to bow their heads low as they knelt in his presence. Ubuyashiki deemed this unnecessary, waving his head and humming lightly as he turned lightly in response. His eyes scanned the current lineup with happiness shown in his smiling expression.

"Raise your heads, my children. For we are here to celebrate you, not me." Kyojuro raised his head with a smile, while the others were either more reluctant or just plainly neutral. Save for two, who were also quite as prideful and happy as Kyojuro. At the same time, the other had a deep frown, his eyes showing no signs of irises, with hands placed together to hold beads for prayer.

Ubuyashiki had an unsheathed katana, the hilt once faced right on its stand. He held it in his palms gently and turned back towards the Hashira, who was awaiting his next move. The other Hashira started filing out to stand in a line behind them, leaving Kyojuro with two other men kneeling in front.

"Rengoku Kyojuro."

"Tengen Uzui."

"Tomioka Giyuu."

The master recited with his smooth and calming voice. At the same time, the three took the message to put their forearm on one leg that supported their kneeling frame as their heads faced the ground on which Ubuyashiki walked. While he did this, each time he said their names, the unsheathed katana softly landed on both their shoulders before moving on to the next. When he reached Giyuu, he spoke once more as he placed the sword, still sheathed, flat on both his palms back in front of them.

"I am glad." He releases a breath with eyes nearly closed in tranquility, "May you prosper and live for as long as we reach our common goal: To destroy all living demons. To rid the world of Kibutsuji Muzan. Because I know and feel reassured that all of you are strong."

This caught the boy on the far end of Kyojuro's right to flinch slightly at what Oyakata-sama had said last.

"Now, stand up, for you are now Hashira. The pillars that hold all of the Demon Slayer Corps together."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Kyojuro's new haori, though still white, was now in the image befitting for the En Bashira (炎柱; Flame Hashira). With the ends that were in the color of flame, the kanji of the uniform still stayed written on the back, though much different to the plain one he once donned from you. After the official entitlement, Kyojuro was allowed to have a moment to relay the news to his father before being assigned a mission. Suffice it to say, Kyojuro was quite elated. He had finally reached this point. It seems that he was right.

Nothing's impossible if you put your mind to it. 

He's glad that he had put immense effort into what he achieved now. Because after his many days of waking before the sun rose and beginning his regime by then, he's finally done it. Kyojuro, for a while, indulged himself in the preexisting fact, and he couldn't seem to remove the smile from his face while walking his way back home. But to say that it was all to satisfy his surface-level emotions shown easily through his exterior was not so far-fetched. Because inside, he can't help but feel he should just lower his expectations.

What if Father still won't recognize me? What then?

Kyojuro thinks of how he'll even face his growing little brother, trying, aiming for the same goal as when he was Senjuro's age. But for now, as he enters their home, Senjuro greets and congratulates him. Kyojuro is left with only one choice to see whether his thoughts would be correct. He tells Senjuro that he'll relay the news to their father for a while as his hand holds his shoulder in a hug.

Senjuro understands this, nodding and going into his room next to where Shinjuro was. Kyojuro was now left alone in the dark hallway. The house was quiet, he noticed. As soft as when he was left alone to recover in the Butterfly Mansion for months… His hands were a little clammy, and he thought about how much he wished you were there to hold his hands together for a while. Or perhaps you'll put your hands on his cheeks before pushing both sides inwards, causing his cheeks to mold into whatever you'd like. And then proceeded to lightly slap both sides, not enough to remotely cause pain, yet he deemed enough to rid him of all these ugly feelings inside his chest.

But his feet trudged slowly to reach the door wherein his father was. And it took some time for Kyojuro to clench and unclench his fist as he remained still in front of the thin shoji separating his view from his father and him. Eventually, after a couple of minutes, Kyojuro had finally gathered enough nerve to bring his head back up and knock. Hearing a grunt, he begins to talk.

"May I come in… Father?" His voice remained leveled, almost quiet even.

Shinjuro doesn't reply, so Kyojuro slides the door open to spot his father lying down sideways while reading a book. His head was supported by his bent arm, his whole body facing away from the boy. Kyojuro opts to sit before his bed after sliding the door to his room shut now, removing his nichirin blade from his uniform and placing it beside him where he sat. And it remained stiff and silent for a while as Kyojuro recalled his decisions, trying to see if this was the right one.

His face was bent down slightly, and once more, he tried to ignore everything he thought that made him even more nervous. He shouldn't even be, but he really, indeed, was inward. His palms slightly wiping themselves on his pants. But… He must stand his ground at some point.

So, he chooses to hold his head up high and say with immense pride, "I am a Hashira now."

Shinjuro doesn't reply, and Kyojuro's eyes seem to lighten up a bit more. He saw this as his father's way to allow him to tell more of his stories about his achievement, the closest thing he's got since he was a much younger child.

"At first, it was hard, but I didn't give up on my dream! The demon I fought was powerful, a part of the junikizuki. I led the teams of other slayers to disassemble the bombs scattered all around Tokyo, and we were lucky to have succeeded. In which case, I am delighted to have even been able to beat the demon."

Kyojuro kept going, almost non-stop, as every word that spilled from his mouth was just as it was, spilled. But what he kept deep within him was the story that Hairo told him, holding his lips sealed about his encounter with a woman that greatly resembled his Mother, Ruka. Nonetheless, the words he let out were due to an increase in joy with the slightest chance that his father had not rebutted once; still opting to be silent as if he was actually listening.

But perhaps that would always remain an "if."

"So what if you've become a Hashira?" Shinjuro finally says once Kyojuro quiets down after his whole telling of experiences. And his once wide smile lowers, going back into a thin line of plain neutrality. His closed fists sitting atop his thighs.

At this point, Shinjuro was no longer reading the book. He had actually yet to flip even once to the next page. Now simply lying on the futon, face almost hiding between his arms while the old, worn-out book lay lifeless as it is on the ground close to where his right hand that once held it was.

"Worthless. It means nothing."

Perhaps Kyojuro's biggest mistake was assuming that his father's reply would change. But he hoped dearly, with all his heart, to gain his approval. Not helping himself from being shocked, his mouth slightly open as if he'd just been slapped. 

Ah, as always. It will always be like this, I'm a fool. Of course.

"You're never going to amount to anything anyway."

He may be right. After all, he knew that his father was always stronger than him in terms of swordsmanship. Yet he ended up… Like this. Will he end up like this too?

Of course, Kyojuro knew that his father was not always the person he was now. Always lying around, drinking, sleeping, and getting angry. He was an honorable man once upon a time. He did become a Hashira himself. A passionate man with a personality that almost mirrored Kyojuro's scarily. Kyojuro walks by the wooden porch that led to their yard; the leaves where the sun poked through were from the tree he remembers you sitting under on many days as he trained Senjuro.

"Neither you nor I."

Kyojuro could almost not bear remembering the day his father quit being a swordsman. A long time passed after his mother… Died. That's why it felt so out of the blue, a random occurrence; why would he quit and leave his son to train on his own with no guidance at all? He used to raise Senjuro with great happiness and enthusiasm. So why? Why? 

"Ah, aneue." Senjuro peeks out the open door that leads to his room, stopping the train of dirty thoughts that Kyojuro was beginning to have. His little brother, who had grown bigger, ran up to him with mild excitement.

"Was Father pleased to hear your news?" Senjuro looks up, brows that resemble the older followed the same; fingers now beginning to fiddle with each other. "Do you think… Father will acknowledge me if I become a Hashira, too?"

Kyojuro's mind drifts for a while, eyes staring straight ahead into the wall that bordered their house. The heartbreak was beyond Kyojuro; he didn't think it was what he was feeling now. It's like a now-clear cesspool inside his brain and heart. While the first few minutes of realization, when his father told him what he did was supposed to devastate him, he felt as if... The tangles of yarn were starting to get easier to release its once tricky knots.

Stop thinking, Kyojuro. Stop thinking about pointless things now. Senjuro must feel worse, unable to recall any memories of our mother. At the same time, our father's current state was another layer of tragedy.  

In brief few seconds, while Senjuro was speaking, Kyojuro had finally begun to clear his mind and clear his back of the anchor that he once allowed to make him sink deeper into the depths of water where he couldn't breathe. It was clear.

Even if I cry, get hurt, or feel disappointed; there's nothing I can do. The world will keep going around me. No time would be enough for me to grieve. Time will simply leave me. I won't risk my life to earn praise from anyone, not even my father. I do it because… I simply must. Such is a true warrior!

While it feels like it's been an eternity inside his mind, it was only a fraction of a second when Senjuro finally awaited his older brother's answer, losing his smile, replaced with worry for his older brother's lack of solutions. Kyojuro knelt down with a smile, his hand grasping his shoulder gently before it went down to his arm as he spoke in earnest.

"I'm going, to be honest. Father wasn't happy to hear about it. He told me that it meant nothing." Senjuro looks like he is about to speak, but Kyojuro continues.

"However, that's not enough to extinguish my passion. The flame inside my heart will never fizzle out. I'll never give in. And you, Senjuro…." Senjuro feels his eyes twitch as tears begin to spring. Kyojuro's hand that was on his arm before now moved to lightly grasp Senjuro's own hand. "You're not like me." 

Kyojuro's visage reflects only the truth, and the truth is that he is now at peace with the fact. Or at least working on the beginnings of it. And so he says, with everlasting comfort, while his hands move to now hold both of theirs together, close to Senjuro's chest.

"You have a big brother. And your big brother believes in his little brother. No matter your path, you will become a fine human being. Do your best with that burning passion inside your heart!"

At this point, Senjuro had begun crying, tears falling from his eyes. While Kyojuro, near the end, never failed to show and let his little brother hear how sure he was of all he was saying, not a dent in his maturing voice. As they now hug each other tightly, Senjuro grasps tighter around Kyojuro's haori on his back.

"Let's do our best to live on!" At this moment, Kyojuro catches a glimpse of everything you've told him. About being able to do his duties more if he was alive, to not always just accept death, and that is not to say that he won't go down without a fight… But perhaps compared to you, even with your difference in strength, your will to live is more robust than his.

"No matter how lonely it gets." And he sighs gently.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Kyojuro opted to help Senjuro follow up on his training regime. The days will always be limited for the two to spend enough time together during the repeated actions of Kyojuro correcting Senjuro's pose, reminding him to not hurry too much, or to try and cheer him up when the boy couldn't do a pushup. It was after Senjuro relayed that he felt cold sweat, did he bring up whether you were sending letters to Kyojuro the same way you did for his little brother.

No, you didn't. 

More or less, Kyojuro didn't hide his surprise at this. His mouth was agape with his arms previously crossed. Because of your sudden intrusion in his thoughts, his voice lowers to a hum, now remembering how he'd left off with you. And while Kyojuro did feel more at peace with the truth that his father may never acknowledge him the way he wanted him to, he realized that the reason his stomach churned every time he did something such as standing up to his father or helping him was the way his own body learned far earlier than he did was that you never looked for any form of specific acknowledgment. You were always satisfied with simply earning what you wanted in your own way. Even if it may go differently than you planned. At least, that's what he thinks.

"Bark!"

"Bark, bark bark!"

Before Kyojuro had a chance to ask Senjuro more about what you would say in the letters you sent for his little brother, little fits of a dog's bark came from outside. Pushing whether you asked for details about him to the back of his mind as his and Senjuro's heads move from the source of the noise to each other.

"Could that be—?"

It was a moment, not too long at all before the brothers sped to the wooden gate. Unbeknownst to them, Shinjuro was standing with his back facing behind the front door; perhaps listening to whatever conversation will ensue. Though what all of them didn't expect after opening the door with the sounds of light scratching at the bottom, presumably the puppy's untended claws trying to unlock their gate, was that there was no one. Just… A clean Shiba-Inu. 

When the Shiba finally saw the gate open, the whimper-like barks ceased to a happy greeting, tail-wagging as she circled around Kyojuro's leg while sniffing before she looked up at him as if his identity was confirmed.

"Bark!" 

Kyojuro could pinpoint his disappointment when he figured you weren't there with Shiba. He didn't even know what you named the puppy yet. He was sure the puppy happily rubbing itself on his calf was the one you picked up. The collar looked made of the same material as your kumihimo. Also color red, with a bell that would ring along with the puppy's every little jumpy movement. Senjuro, on the other hand, was suspicious. Your house, as he recalled, was a reasonable distance away from theirs. That's why you'd opt to simply stay with them sometimes.

How could your dog reach this far on its own?

But the answer won't come for a while, even if Senjuro suspects you of hiding somewhere nearby. You should be! There's no other answer! Why don't you just show yourself and be with them again? Before the boy's eyebrows could scrunch together anymore, Kyojuro picked Shiba up in his arms, licking both him and reaching for Senjuro with such energy. With one hand, he closed the gate shut, and the other supported the soft paw pads of Shiba.

Shinjuro, for now, didn't feel like going out of his way to rid the dog. And so he goes back to his room through the entrance inside, sliding the door that led to their yard shut when he got back.

Now, both of the boys needed help figuring out what to do. The dog was outstretched, with Kyojuro holding it by its arms quickly with the little puppy's weight. Though as much as he wanted to interrogate the puppy, he felt that with its doe eyes staring straight at him with its tongue out, he could only take care of it. Holding it with one hand, pushing the puppy to his shoulder, now subjected to Senjuro, who walked behind Kyojuro to catch a glimpse of the dog. Kyojuro headed to the small fountain shrouded in trees and rocks, letting the dog down to see if it was thirsty. That it was.

"Senjuro, look over the Shiba for a while. I'll see if we have some snacks to give her."

Kyojuro disappears inside, and for a while, Senjuro simply looks at the dog that was relentlessly licking the water from their fountain. When it was done, it circled around Senjuro, who sat on the grass, covered by the shade of the tree behind him.

"Have you seen ane, Shiba-san? I wonder what your name is… Hopefully, she didn't actually name you Shiba."

But the resounding reply whenever he mentioned Shiba may be enough to confirm his suspicions. He feels a single sweat drop from this, thinking, of course. 

"Shiba," Senjuro repeats, and this gets a playful bark from the dog, its front leaning down while its tail wagged from its raised behind. A laugh resounds from Senjuro, but another joins in.

"Shiba. Haha! What a cute name for a Shina-Inu." He hears his brother now coming back with some cooked fish. Kyojuro knelt down to meet the puppy, removing the meat of the fish from the fish bones before pushing his palm to the dog, who sniffed with curiosity. It lasted for a maximum of a minute before Shiba began to eat all the food. For some reason, Kyojuro felt a sort of happiness bloom from his chest due to the dog's appetite. 

But the feeling doesn't last long when he's reminded of the letters you sent to Senjuro.

"What does she say about me in the letters, Senjuro?" He asks, albeit carefully, as if threading along.

"Well… You see," Senjuro fidgets with the skin around his index and middle fingers. 

"She doesn't talk about you."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It has almost, if not already, been a year since you've been last seen by Kyojuro. Over time, he figured that Shiba was staying with Matsutani Haia-san when he bumped into her the following day when Shiba came to their house. The slightly older woman was staying with her boyfriend while you were off on a week-long investigation, asking her a favor to look after your now grown puppy. She was perturbed that Shiba had just suddenly run off after, unknowingly to them, had already figured out how to unclasp the lock on Mitsue's house gate. They tried looking for her the whole day and didn't think she went to the Rengoku household.

Kyojuro, at many points during the time, was also attempting to send you letters whenever Senjuro was planning to write back. He thinks that the only time you sent a reply was a day during the Spring of April. 

Hello. It's a beautiful day today. Please return my dog. I'll consider asking you to marry me even though I'll still make you! (Once I think about it... Get nervous. [There is a drawing of an ugly face.]) Give me back my dog. —Gushiken (Name)

Other than that, even if it made him chuckle, with a face warmer than the sun's rays, he wondered why you could not visit anymore. Haia had once tried to take Shiba as per your requests, but he insisted on taking care of the puppy. At least until you decide to pick Shiba up yourself. And he thought you wouldn't last a couple of weeks, but you're highly stubborn. Though because of his condition, even if you haven't visited him, your crow has once more begun showing itself in their house. Mainly because it was insisting and complaining about you complaining about not being able to see and care for your own dog, and it's been driving him crazy.

Of course, Kyojuro laughs this off while Kaname snarks a reply for Rintaro to deal with his master himself!

Keeping Shiba for the first few times was hard to get used to, but she almost replicated the energy you'd bring into their house. His father hated the dog, for sure, but Kyojuro never would've expected that it was because he was allergic. It wasn't that bad, though, just a couple of sneezes and a runny nose, but after they talked about it… They'd come to a sort of agreement. He refused what his father wanted to do to the dog for the first time, partly because he finally had a pet and mainly because the pet was from you. Or, more importantly, the pet was yours. Until you take her back. 

And he'll continuously wait for the day you'd take it back.

He'll wait until the day he can't until he can finally find you himself and give you Shiba back. You may choose to stay and eat new dishes together once more!

"So, you're taking her dog hostage?" Uzui asks quizzically.

Kyojuro only replies with a hearty laugh at how his new friend worded his actions. He most definitely did not!

"Shiba likes our home. She refuses to leave herself. It's only until my friend stops avoiding me as it's hard to get a hold of her." He drinks his tea calmly after.

Uzui swirled the cup of green tea in his hand while he leaned sideways on the table they were sitting on. It was one of those days where the Hashira were all collectively free, or at least only Himejima, Kanae, Uzui, Giyuu, and Rengoku. They should attempt and train together to increase their strength as Pillars. While a part of their free day starts off like so, it usually halts to share information about the junikizuki. Whether they've encountered one as of late, gathered specific good intel, or generally… The activity of Muzan Kibutsuji. But it was hard, no one's seen the demon before, and it seemed that he's been pretty discreet for decades.

Because of this, Uzui complains loudly. They've done their fair share of introductions before, and the first time he was enunciated as Hashira next to other swordsmen younger than him, they didn't celebrate. (His ego was struck the day he met his peers, so he didn't feel like asking any of them to celebrate. They couldn't even drink sake, he was sure!) Formal and brief goodbyes, as everyone seemed to have had a busy schedule. It wasn't like being announced, as Hashira was very rare. Their roster always lost a man or two at least every month. And so far, the only ones that were always left were the ones present in this room. Moreso, it was the same open area where the wind blew lightly during their rank-up.

"Rengoku-san, perhaps she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. What happened for her to avoid you so avidly like that?" Kanae asks worriedly, hand on her cheek.

Himejima and Giyuu were quiet primary listeners. The latter is more likely. Gyomei had a few opinions here and there, unafraid and most respected out of all of them right now.

"Ahh, how sad. For a relationship to turn so sour." Himejima cries silently.

In Giyuu's mind, he wonders if what he's doing is actually pretty creepy… Or cruel. No one else knows what he has on his mind, but his face shows only confusion. A slight pout and a quizzical look above with furrowed brows.

Kyojuro, on the other hand, scratches the back of his mane-like hair. Almost allowing the simple black hair tie to slip from its confines. Due to how his comrades reacted, he started to think more about what he did. Perhaps taking Shiba and forcing you to visit so you could take your dog back wasn't his brightest idea. But he doesn't know what else to do.

"Is this person that important to you, Rengoku-san?" Kanae asks after noticing the guilty look that took over Kyojuro's visage.

"She's… " Kyojuro almost stutters, which was uncharacteristic for his usually confident and reassuring figure. This catches Uzui's attention more, making the large man lean closer to the table to listen. White, unkempt hair rested on his shoulders as he did so.

"My first great friend."

And for some odd reason, almost all of the present Hashira's brows twitched. Ahh, a great friend. 

"She's asked to marry me before," Kyojuro scratches his cheek as he chuckles. "But after I rejected her, she said she'd court me. But over time, it felt more like friends and not much like courting. Hahaha! Not that I'd like to be courted!"

This sparks a teasing smirk from Uzui, a disappointed pout from Kanae, a tired sigh from Giyuu, and a slight hum of acknowledgment from Gyomei. Kyojuro moved to cross his arms, back straight, and with a big smile. "It would be a shame to lose such a friend after all!"

"Hey, hey. Actually, you know what," Uzui brings up almost enthusiastically, the nearly untouched bitter-for-his-tongue tea sloshing and slightly spilling a couple of drops as he points at Gyomei to continue what he is saying. "I remember a woman who begged Oyakata-sama to allow her to train with one or each of us."

Gyomei, who seems to have recalled exactly what Uzui was talking about, nods lightly.

"Two weeks or so ago. Right now, she's still under a user similar to her own technique. If I'm not mistaken, you'd be next to train her, Tengen."

Uzui groans at this, clutching his head and the forehead protector. "I'm still surprised Oyakata-sama allowed a request like that."

"She's pretty…." Giyuu begins, and all of them look at him. He flinches as he gets nervous. He wasn't even done talking, and now it seemed like…! 

It was solely because this was the second time he had spoken since he got there with them. The first is a simple greeting. So this caught them off guard. Kanae smiles incredibly, her mouth forming a deep u. While Uzui was shell-shocked in a way that he was confused, brows furrowed with a mouth formed in a straight line, almost scrutinizing. Himejima, on the other hand, only looked at him, though that already said a lot… And the only person left was the absolutely clueless Rengoku, almost having question marks appearing to circle around him.

"—Relentless." Giyuu sweat drops. He feels almost dejected, his eyes almost darkening as he slouches, "Not that way…."

Kanae laughs and slaps his back repeatedly, making Giyuu cough out the tea he was about to drink for distraction. It was known to them that Kanae possessed a monstrous strength, and it all looked like it was just something she couldn't control appropriately at times. The rest of them share a short laugh before Kyojuro takes the first action to stand up.

"Shall we all go back to train now, then?"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was inevitable that with time, some things erode. Even with all your gifts to them for the holidays and your single two letters, both on a specific day during Spring, perhaps it was just meant to happen that Kyojuro would slowly forget the feeling that you provided him. His father was less aggressive, though still a drunk; it felt as if Kyojuro could now sink into a lifestyle where he would not worry about Senjuro getting hurt in their own home. Even though he knew that Shiba was still there, emanating energy, it was starting to all feel like it was all just a part of his everyday life. A happenstance was, at this point, things had begun to become stale routine. Not to say that he'd lost any more passion regarding the art of the sword, but such is life. He could not grieve over a person who was alive.

It was a point wherein your insistence to stay away from him was something he could accept.

Though Senjuro would never voice it, he'd notice his brother forgetting more of your presence than he was. Because for Senjuro, you were a big part of his life and affected who he was and who he will be. The letters you send sometimes talk only of his brother. Senjuro would happily reciprocate your written enthusiasm while concealing that his brother seemed to be lulling himself into riddance. The riddance of you. The boy would've felt less guilty if he didn't lied to his brother about your talks of him. He simply wished to respect your wishes to keep it a secret.

And it was not as if his brother had become any less than who he was. The little boy knew that his older brother was now just living the day-to-day life, not having enough time to worry about many things. 

Shinjuro, on the other hand, had almost grown out of his allergies to the dog, who's stayed with them for nearly two years. The dog, whom he only allowed because he's never seen his son, almost burst too many nerves on his forehead after he angrily snatched the dog by the skin on its neck when it was still a tiny puppy. The man scratches his chest lazily as he sneezes. Looking down at the loose kimono he'd had on since yesterday.

Oi, old man, you must learn when to change your kimono. You keep repeating them. You stink!

And the man almost chuckles at the thought until he remembers that he's never really listened to a little rascal like you. You were a noisy, nagging brat. Had almost little to no respect for him and threatened to kill him the first time you met. You were nothing like his wife before, and with his and Kyojuro's almost mirrored personas when he was still in his prime years, he thought that his son just might be a vastly different person. But when the time came that Kyojuro had first brought a woman into their house that wasn't you, he was almost surprised, though none of his sons nor the woman would ever know that. Shinjuro grunted and left, waving to them briefly with a lace of utter lethargy as he went out to buy some of his favorite branded sake. 

The woman had dark hair tied to a relatively small braid that was folded over her shoulder. Having had a gentle yet sharp visage with similarly dark eyes, a little sullied from dirt, in a kimono patterned with simple flowers. A soft smile to boot.

Senjuro was curious who the woman was, looking to be around his older brother's age. The woman looked gentle and kind. But her hand was bleeding, and she had a bruise 'round her similarly scraped knee. It was until Kyojuro only surmised that the woman was a cook at the local specialty diner. He'd run over her along the road where she was accidentally bumped over by a demon who hid in the attic of her own house where it was dark. He'd only help her, he says, as is his duty. And Senjuro entirely agrees! He should help her, as is his duty. But Senjuro could not push down the ache in his chest. A discomfort that he may have felt for you.

Chapter 6 « Chapter 7 (Current) » Chapter 8.1

If you'd like to buy me stars after touring my universe, visit my ko-fi. ⭐

[foxtailapp]

The Importance of Safe Words in RACK

This post is originally from Pleasure Uncensored by Foxtail. It can be found here.

  Sometimes, the best adventures come from getting out of your comfort zone. But, when it comes to Risk Awareness Consensual Kink (RACK), you need to establish safety. What may be your comfort zone may, for someone else, might be the worst sexual experience they had. But what we want is for everyone to have the best experience they have with satisfaction. 

    First things first, you need to establish safewords. Why? If you have no idea what we are talking about, then keep scrolling and find out more.

  What is Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)

  In the BDSM community, there is a philosophy called Risk-Aware Consensual Kink or more commonly known as RACK. The Risk-Aware Consensual Kink follows similar principles of SSC. SSC is an acronym for Safe, Sane and Consensual. The difference between the two concepts is that RACK looks for Consent in activities with potential risk.

  Some argue that the theory is based on the idea that every action includes some amount of risk. What is safe is determined on an individual level. But what one person considers safe, another will not.

  That is why it’s essential to be safety conscious person. Being safety conscious means being aware of an activity in which you are engaged that can pose a level of hazard and the likelihood of unintentional hurt.

  Several kinksters draw an analogy between the decision to engage in BDSM and hobbies such as hiking or skiing. Sounds fun right?

  RACK and Drugs

  RACK also considers the potential of playing while intoxicated. In many BDSM circles, this is not accepted or permitted during fun gatherings, although some individuals love the sensation.

    However, participating in kinky practices while being under the influence increases the likelihood of things going wrong. This may also drastically alter the pleasure for the participants, especially if one individual remains sober.

  Should you choose to engage in RACK activity while intoxicated, be mindful of any additional hazards. Drugs might add to the body’s natural reactions to BDSM.

  Safe Words and Signals in RACK

  Before you get into RACK you need to set “signals” and “phrases” that stop unwanted activity. A safeword is a word that the partners in a BDSM event use to ceases an activity if anything terrible happens.

  For example, when gaged or have “something” forced down your neck, you will have breathing issues. Safewords, in this case, are useless. In other cases, when tied or immobilized, words are a lot better. It’s a lot harder to snap your fingers or give a wink while you are in the most uncomfortable position.

  As we said in some cases, communicating would be difficult. So if you plan on doing multiple kinky BDSM stuff, it is wise to agree on an actual world and another type of a signal as a backup. After all, some motions are more challenging to perform while restrained. If your hands are numb from kinky stuff you did or was done to you, then you should have an emergency phrase prepared as well.

  Better to be safe than sorry.

  How to Pick the Best Safe Word

  Sex makes the whole process of finding a safe word more difficult. We say so many words amidst pleasure that it does not even make sense. You might evaluate your definition of desire and create a system of words because saying a clear no will not work.

  In reality, driven by the excitement of an intimate moment, it is pretty usual to scream. A few “slaves” like to scream as loud as they can, and for some people, that might be the scariest scream they have ever heard. These screams would warrant a 911 or ambulance call. However, their enjoyment comes from the domination of a ruthless torturer that overlooks the cries. Instead, the slave is offended if the pain stops.

    You can also hear expressions like: hold it, I can’t take it anymore, stop, or other similar phrases. But these kinds of things will only increase the passion and excitement. After all, it is called Risk Aware Consensual Kink. 

  The safest alternative is to settle on a wholly irrelevant term that you will certainly not call out by accident. While practicing RACK, it is best to avoid complex terminology or words that are hard to pronounce. However, things like “turnip” or “crisis” are ok. If you’d like to be secure, the optimum is your actual surname, which you will undoubtedly recall. Adopting the erroneous american method known as “semaphore coding” might also be a suitable option.

  Getting to use Your Safe Word

  There are a certain number of times that you will have to say your safe word.  For example, you might need to say it 3-4 times before your partner stops.  This is just in case you were just panicking but then later get to find out that is pleasurable, which means not saying if the agreed number of times will encourage them to keep going.

  Also, not only will you prevent any misunderstandings, but the recipient will have time to properly consider if he genuinely wants to quit the activity or not. At certain times one stimulus is more potent than the others, or a moment of weakness causes you to feel the need to quit, but you instantly regret it.

  Understandably, people in positions of power need to be astute enough to see that even a partially safe word is a signal to hold back just enough. Get to catch your breath and carry on after a few moments.

  Although everybody has the right to explore RACK in any way he/she sees fit, it is essential to recognize when safewords should be used. The underlying notion is that a safeword is an exceptional circumstance that should only be used when there are no other options. Sure, it’s best to be prepared, but employing safewords unnecessarily negates their use.

  What Might Happen if You Dont Use Safe Words?

  Although these may not seem to be able to happen during sex, incidences of not using safe words when you need may include the following:

  Nervous breakdown

Being dizzy

Shortness of breath

Pain as a result of nerve damage

Flashbacks of a terrible event

Injuries

Persistent aches and pains

  Some of these signs may, however, be difficult to note if you are intoxicated. This is why we stated before that it’s not a good idea to take drugs or alcohol (or even both) during the RACK process.

  Do Not Be Scared or Ashamed

The most significant risk of mishaps during RACK activity with a mate is failing to utter a safe word in a crisis.  As stated a few lines ago, when this occurs, it is almost often the result of a skewed perception of the connection between the bottom and the authoritative spouse.  And, it does not matter the type of trauma that you may be going through, be it physical or mental. Utter the word whenever you feel that you are at risk and you may be in danger.

  Many lovers feel obligated to satisfy their partners by all means. Therefore, they withstand everything or assume they are genuinely lesser to the Dom and have no grounds to speak out. Therefore, using a safeword for these people is equivalent to confessing a personal failing or terrible shame.

  If the spouse chastises you, claiming you’re not a good slave when you use your safeword, it’s his problem. Therefore, let him find someone more compatible with his skill set since no erotic activity warrants damage. Sex, whether even without whipping and straps, serves the exact purpose of pleasure and fun, not harm.

  It’s Not Only About the Bottom

  Remember, two people are involved in the whole process. Therefore, the dominant may decide to utter the safe word as well. Doms have the same right as everyone else to quit playing if they do not feel happy about everything. Maybe they won’t choose a safe word in this scenario. But, they also can’t be blamed if they do not act exactly how they are supposed to at the end of the day.

  We are quite sure that it will be a lot of fun once you get to establish your safeword and sign. RACK will help you explore a whole new sexual world and may just change your life forever. Make sure that you get to pick the best partner as well. One who will respect you and listen to you whenever you get uncomfortable.

  If you liked our article, check out our page for other BDSM, Kink, Pleasure content. Hope you have fun!

[elsewhereuniversity]

Okay, so my housemates are weird.

I live in this one little rental house that straddles the border of campus. (I would say look it up on Google Earth if you don’t believe me, but that would be both foolhardy and inconclusive. Nicky did once, thinking they could handle it. Gwinna got them back, as per usual.) As such, we get some weird stuff going on. Borders are important.

Two bedrooms, five girls and one person (Nicky). Sarah, Nicky, and I live in one room; Rogue, Kay, and Gwinna live in the other. None of those are true names, though Sarah is a given name and Nicky’s full given name is Annika, which they freely told us because their true name’s something different. We’ve all been…elsewhere…at least once. Gwinna’s been some six times against her will, who knows how often by choice. None of us knows what’ll happen when she gets taken again, because that’ll make seven. Numbers are important too.

Sarah mostly copes by keeping her head down. She’s a physics major, so mostly safe in class, but she does visit the coffee shop by the English building every day, where most of the baristas speak in rhyme or never, ever blink. It’s always there when she goes, though, and she’s never had the doorknob try to bite her. Perks of being a regular, I guess. She wears huge glasses and a necklace with a topaz pendant - for protection, she says. She sleeps on the lower bunk, below Nicky, who doesn’t so much mind there only being one way down from their bed. A word of advice: if you’re eating with her at the dining hall, don’t ask her - or anyone, really - to pass the salt. The shaker will probably be empty. She’s ridiculously good at pocketing salt when no one else is looking. Between Nicky’s recklessness and Gwinna actually seeming to like the Other Place, sometimes it seems like Sarah’s the only one of us with half an ounce of sense.

Speaking of Nicky: they’re a trip, that one. Never do anything at all slowly. They take a lot of risks, especially with the Gentry, but they’re perceptive to a fault, so usually it turns out okay. They’re addicted to Fritos, which double as an offensive/defensive agent besides being a good pick-me-up after track practice. I saw them throw a handful at an odd-looking bush once; I don’t know what they did it for, but I could swear I heard hissing. Most of them just avoid Nicky. They think they’re rude, almost disrespectful when they’re at their worst, but brave enough to have earned being left alone. That Google Earth thing was the only time they got taken. They don’t like to talk about it much. They major in archaeology, another risk, but they know what to study and what to leave back where they found it with a little offering of blood and water just in case. Mostly.

Rogue doesn’t have much in the way of authority problems, despite the nickname. She majors in robotics, but her real passion is paintball. She’s an astounding shot. She wears one of those paper germ masks doctors wear to class, because of that time one of the Gentry got offended by the robotics lab’s existence and let loose some…ah…spores. Thankfully Rogue had strep throat that day so she didn’t go in to the lab, but she’s been a little paranoid ever since. As someone who works with iron a lot and is reflexively polite, she commands quite a bit of respect. She keeps spare bolts and things in her backpack and jeans pockets. Sometimes she forgets to take them out, resulting in clunking noises in the washing machine that are actually completely mundane (as opposed to the ones that aren’t).

Kay is pretty inscrutable most of the time, which makes her both frustrating and fascinating to the Gentry. She’s a devout Muslim and wears a headscarf and veil whenever she leaves the house, so you can only see her eyes. (They were black before she got taken, but now they’re bright green.) Out of all of us, even Gwinna, her stay in the Other Place was the longest. She doesn’t tempt fate, but she loves her individuality, loves sticking out from a crowd. She’s an art major, huge colorful oil paintings mostly. Only Rogue has a car, so Kay’s taken over the garage as her workspace and place to store paintings. Sometimes one of them will disappear overnight, but never without her knowledge. She puts a sprig of fresh rosemary in her hair every morning, a habit she picked up after getting taken. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to do, besides smelling nice.

Gwinna is strange. That’s really the only way to describe her. I’ve known her since she came as a freshman, and let me tell you, when I first met her I had her pegged as Gentry bait immediately. She’s constantly got her head in the clouds, loves the library a bit too much (two of her six snatchings were from there), likes being the last one awake at night. She frequently speaks in character under her breath; usually it’s characters from her video games, but sometimes it seems like she’s talking to someone besides herself. After her third snatching, my violinist friend Jacob, who’d just gotten back and had ended up with the Sight temporarily, said she had an eye-like symbol on her forehead and some of her hair had been replaced with feathers, but he swore she was still human. She hasn’t acted otherwise, so I’ll buy it. Gwinna is our go-to girl if one of us gets snatched - she saved Nicky from the Google Earth crisis, as I said, and without her intimate knowledge of fanfic terminology (don’t ask) Kay might have ended up with a far, far worse Deal than she did.

So…yeah, that’s us. We’re all weird. Nicky still feels like they owe a debt to Gwinna. Rogue is best at getting Sarah out of her shell. When Nicky gets too wild around the Gentry, Sarah can usually get them to see sense. Gwinna and Kay listen to each other’s nerd-out sessions. Whenever Rogue wants to go play paintball, Nicky is the first to volunteer. Sarah nags Gwinna whenever she procrastinates too much, which annoys her but tends to work. Rogue and Kay are totally in love, although at this rate they’ll never admit it.

And me? Well…that’s another story.

[Some Random Nerd]

[paradife-loft]

@lordviridis​ tagged me in this meme a... few days ago? let’s go with that. not tagging anyone else because lazy, etc.

BOLD those statements that are true for you

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges (...for certain definitions thereof) I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well (allegedly) I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship ANGRY HISSING @ TERMINOLOGY I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year