#coming: september 2020
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orcelito · 11 days ago
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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart
#speculation nation#it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen#but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough#and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it#forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again#bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will#like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it#but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again#but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol
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maddy-ferguson · 2 months ago
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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just-prime · 2 years ago
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Just saw the Pope is in the hospital. What sort of Tumblr breaking event will occur concurrently to explode everyone's mind when he bites the dust I wonder?
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hobisexually · 1 month ago
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#I know I have seasonal affective disorder#and I know winter depression me is the worst version of me#I Know#and I hate her more than any of you do I promise#but every time I say something dark and someone goes ‘it’s November/december though. you don’t really mean that’#it makes me want to hit them with a bat#I don’t own a bat. and on top of that I’m a pacifist so obviously I will not#but I know what time do year it is! I’ve known it’s coming since September because that’s when my brain chemistry notably changes#because like . I do mean it. in this moment I mean it deeply and it Scares Me so can we take it seriously rather than say oh it’s just SAD!!#and I’m scared out of my mind so to go dismiss it as ‘just’ a winter thing is so patronising and it makes me SO mad#like trust me …… I’m aware we’re being dramatic because of circadian rhythms#but that doesn’t make it less terrifying or real in the moment#extra bat hitting tendencies @ my mum who simply says ‘okay try and be calmer’#NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF ANYBODY EVER HAS THAT WORKED#idk man everything feels bleak and unsafe and terrifying and Heavy and I’m not much fun to be around at all right now#but I mostly don’t enjoy being in my own company in these months which makes me want to retreat even further because why put that grey cloud#on my friends?#and it’s bad usually but it’s even Worse this year after surgery recovery and if I’m honest burn out and a full ptsd meltdown-recovery#was supposed to go back to work after this weekend but started crying just at the idea and told the company doctor and thank God#she said that I should just recover mentally too now and come back after the holidays#but bro ………….. there’s too much going on and I’m Stuck i’m just Frozen in pure fucking full blown Fear#it hasn’t been this bad since 2020 which . ha ha ha ha#anyways . reminders that things will lighten up in the spring: sure yes#discrediting what I say as ‘you don’t mean that because it’s winter’#start running :)
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whencartoonsruletheworld · 10 months ago
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Wish (2023) dir. Fawn Veerasunthorn, Chris Buck
hey do you think the overworked creatives about to go on strike are trying to tell us something
article sources under the cut
Mattson, Kelcie. "How Disney Almost Killed 'Nimona.'" Collider, January 2 2024.
Earl, William. "Shelving Batgirl Was the Right Decision, Says New DC Studios Head Peter Safran: 'It Would Have Hurt DC.'" Variety, January 31 2023
Couch, Aaron. "Warner Bros. Reverses Course on 'Coyote vs. Acme' After Filmmakers Rebel." The Hollywood Reporter, November 13 2023.
Ridgely, Charlie. "Scoob! Sequel Director Revealed Film Was 'Very Close' to Completion Before HBO Max Cancellation." comicbook.com, August 2 2022.
Clark, Travis. "Staffers at the animation studio Blue Sky say it's 'heartbreaking' that Disney canceled its final movie, 'Nimona.'" Business Insider, February 18, 2021.
Harrison, Mark. "Why was the Batgirl movie cancelled?" Yahoo! Entertainment, January 31 2024.
Amidi, Amid. "Warner Bros. Shelves Fully-Completed 'Coyote Vs. Acme' For Tax Write-Off." Cartoon Brew, November 9 2023.
Lee, Alex. "Why Netflix keeps cancelling your favourite shows after two seasons." Wired UK, September 28 2020.
Tyrrell, Gary. "We All Knew It Was Coming." fleen.com, February 10 2021.
"Warner Bros. Reverses Course on ‘Coyote vs. Acme’ After Filmmakers Rebel." see: 3.
Bergeson, Samantha. "Warner Bros. Will Let 'Coyote Vs. Acme' Filmmakers Shop Movie to Other Distributors." IndieWire, November 13 2023.
Strapagiel, Lauren. "Disney's First Feature Animated Movie With Queer Leads May Never Be Released." BuzzfeedNews, February 24 2021.
"We All Knew It Was Coming." see: 9
@/scottderrickson. "I think it’s absolute bullshit that a studio can and does shelve the creative work of hundreds of people for a fucking tax break." Twitter, 10 Nov. 2023, 4:52 p.m..
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reasonsforhope · 2 months ago
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"Helio da Silva, a retired business executive from Brazil, single-handedly planted over 41,000 trees in his hometown of Sao Paulo over the last two decades.
Flying over the Brazilian metropolis of Sao Paulo, it’s tough to miss the 3.2-kilometers-long and 100-meter-wide green strip of trees wedged between two of the city’s busiest roads. It is known as Tiquatira Linear Park, and it is the work of a single man who worked tirelessly for over 20 years in order to transform a previously dilapidated area into an actual jungle within the urban jungle that is Sao Paulo. Originally from the town of Promissao, about 500km from Sao Paulo, Helio da Silva was a successful business executive for many years, but after retiring, he took it upon himself to transform the degraded banks of the Tiquatira River into a green oasis for his community. He started planting trees there in 2003 and hasn’t stopped since.
73-year-old da Silva recently told AFP that he wanted to leave a legacy to the city that adopted him decades ago. Within the first four years of his epic project, he single-handedly planted 5,000 trees in an area that had long been abandoned and known to be frequented by drug dealers and users. His impressive feat prompted the municipality of Sao Paulo to recognize his efforts and acknowledge the area as the first linear park in Sao Paulo. This only emboldened da Silva, who continued planting native trees.
By 2020, Helio had planted more than 25,047 trees over a 3.2-km-long area, achieving a survival rate of 88 percent. For every 12 trees, he planted a fruit-bearing species in the hopes of attracting birds and animals to his green oasis. His bet paid off, as according to the municipality, 45 types of birds have been identified in the park. Today, the Tiquatira Linear Park numbers over 41,000 individual trees, and Helio da Silva doesn’t plan on stopping planting until he reaches at least 50,000 of them.
“My motivation comes from the trees themselves because trees give us flowers and fruits, absorb rainwater, attract birds and provide us with wonderful shade and fresh air,” da Silva told Common Earth.
The retired executive estimates that he spent about $7,000 per year on his tree-planting efforts since 2022, but the way he sees it, it was a worthwhile investment for himself, his family and the whole of Sao Paulo. Plus, he saved a lot of money by planting the trees himself.
Once labeled as crazy for spending most of his time planting trees in an area most people avoided, Helio da Silva is now hailed as a local hero. He sometimes receives help from like-minded nature lovers, but he is still the driving force behind this amazing project. Every Sunday, he comes to Tiquatira Park to plant more trees.
Over the years, the city gym and playground equipment, tables, benches, toilets, and Tiquatira Linear Park eventually became one of Sao Paulo’s most popular areas."
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-Article via OddityCentral, October 4, 2024. Video via France24, September 26, 2024.
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Note: ONE SINGLE PERSON CAN MAKE A SUCH A DIFFERENCE
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akkivee · 2 years ago
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remember when jyushi’s speakers destroyed kuukou’s temple lmao
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81folklore · 4 months ago
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robin - LECLERC
pairings charles leclerc x fem!singer!reader (fc: gigi hadid + pinterest)
summary fans get a look at charles’ family
warnings a baby + pregnancy (the baby is the entire plot point and one pregnancy mention) poorly translated french, some taylor swift songs are used as readers songs. HUGE TIMESKIPS (sorry lol)
notes we are BACK!! for the time being at least,, sorry for being gone again😣 also im using gigi again because i had this one specific photo in mind of her pregnant!!
notes 2 kind of short but i want to try and gain some more motivation buuuut in my absence from writing ive created a rec blog so i can show you all my favorite works by all the incredible writers on here! @81folklore-library
masterlist
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yourusername • may 2020
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liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 1,283,693 others
(im)patiently waiting to meet you tiger 🐯🩵
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charles_leclerc you are glowing mama🌟
yourusername charlie🥹
lewishamilton cant wait to meet the little one, you’re doing amazing yn!
yourusername thank you lewis💜
user44 you are gorgeous omg
user23 i can’t believe charles is going to be a dad soon
user2 it feels like its flown by
user17 i love that they call their baby tiger☹️
user6 me too!! i hope it sticks as a nickname
arthur_leclerc lunch again soon?
yourusername of course art! let me know when🤍
yourusername • january 2021
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liked by charles_leclerc, lorenzotl and 3,930,519 others
our little tiger blessed our lives a few months ago and we couldnt feel more overjoyed to have her. we want to thank those around us for their continued support during our first months of parenthood
tiger, we cant wait you grow into a beautiful young girl and we are already so proud of you🐯🩵
tagged charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc so happy i get to be a dad with you🩵
charles_leclerc i love you so much im so proud of you
yourusername i love you charlie, thank you for everything
lorenzotl toi et charlie êtes de merveilleux parents 🩷🩷 (translation you and charlie are wonderful parents)
yourusername merci! revenez bientôt, vous êtes toujours le bienvenu! (translation thank you! come back soon, you are always welcome!
user55 theyre parents🥹🥹
user80 oh im sobbing this is so lovely😭😭
user17 they still call her tiger☹️☹️
user49 im confused is that the babies name?
user17 no they just call her tiger in public, we dont know her name! they started calling her tiger when they found out they were going to be parents and it seems to have stuck!!
liked by yourusername
user32 i was listening to never grow up when i saw this post🥹🥹
user47 congratulations guys!!
yourusername • september 2024
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liked by charles_leclerc, olliebearman and 5,291,649 others
happy birthday little tiger, it has been a joy to watch you grow into the wonderful girl that you are (please stop mama cant handle you getting bigger🥹)
you are so incredibly loved and i hope you feel that every day, i hope you have a wonderful day today and everyday baby!
happy birthday love mama and papa🐯🩵
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charles_leclerc happy birthday angel, we love you🐯
olliebearman happy birthday tiger!!
yourusername see you soon darling🩷
lewishamilton i can’t believe she is already four🥹💜
yourusername time really flies by🥹
user67 SHES SO BIG NOW😭
user5 right?! i remember when yn posted her on charles back☹️
user52 these pictures are so cute oh my god😭😭☹️☹️
user60 actually my favorite family ever🥹
user21 i feel so emotional knowing ive watched this family grow
user19 is anyone else sad charles hasnt posted the annual story?
user37 theres no way he just stops,, she has so many more songs☹️
user66 wait im new what are we talking about?
user37 because charles and yn write the birthday captions together, charles started posting a picture of tiger with a song yn has written about children or babies etc (example: last year it was never grow up!) and she has so many more songs that would fit but he hasnt made one this year :(
yourusername & charles_leclerc • september 2024
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liked by lewishamilton, pierregasly and 6,280,740 others
tiger its your birthday surprise; Robin out now🐯
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yourusername📌 ps robin is not tigers name🩵
charles_leclerc thank you for letting me on a song🫶
yourusername always baby
charles_leclerc we love you tiger🐯
charles_leclerc added to their story
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[song used: Robin by yn text: way to go tiger🐯🩵]
seen by yourusername, pierregasly and 1,279,940 others
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metamatar · 1 month ago
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While there is no official data on the cancellation, denial, impounding or revocation of passports in Jammu & Kashmir, media reports suggest that about “98-200” passports may have been revoked since the abrogation of Article 370. Amnesty International documented in detail two cases of critics facing arbitrary passport revocation and one case of inordinate delays in issuance of passports.
Masrat Zahra, a Kashmiri photojournalist who has won several international awards, has found herself in a state of limbo after her Indian passport was revoked without warning while she was pursuing higher education in the United States. Her family in Kashmir received a notice on 24 September 2023, dated back to 3 July 2023, demanding a response by 20 July—a deadline that had already passed by the time she became aware of it.
“They had already made their decision to revoke my passport, so responding seemed futile,” said Zahra. “I am essentially trapped. I cannot leave the United States, nor can I return to India. I’ve had to self-censor my thoughts, avoiding anything that might raise attention on social media. But the hardest part is being separated from my family and unable to continue my work in Kashmir. I feel a deep responsibility to be the voice of my people, who are currently voiceless. There are no stories coming out of Kashmir anymore.”
Before leaving India in March 2021, Zahra had been targeted under the Unlawful Activities Prevention Act (UAPA) in April 2020 for allegedly posting ‘anti-national’ content, though she was never formally detained. “Once I left, my name was added to a no-fly list. If I return to India, I know I will not be able to leave again. The police have harassed and surveilled my family, assaulted my father and mother. They questioned neighbors about my whereabouts and subjected my family to endless phone calls,” Zahra explained.
In addition to these challenges, Zahra continues to face death threats, and the charges under which she was persecuted remain active. “Even though I was never given a copy of the FIR, the authorities retain the power to arrest me at any time if I return,” she added.
Waheed Para, an activist and political leader associated with the opposition Jammu & Kashmir People’s Democratic Party (PDP), was accused by the National Investigation Agency, India’s primary anti-terror investigation body of being a “threat to the security of the state”, and had his passport impounded and revoked in May 2023 by the Regional Passport Office in Srinagar before he could travel to the US to start a fellowship at Yale University.
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httpsserene · 1 year ago
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𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐡 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐰/𝐥𝐧𝟒
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📖𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: you’re upset with the switch up the internet has pulled on you. a few years ago, everybody was saying you were too pretty for lando, but now they’re drooling over him? you will not be letting this slide.  📖𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: fluff. mild angst. humor. twt users being twt users. reader is a fashion designer (not important but mentioned). reader is also wild af. brain-rot. not beta-read. 📖𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: lando norris x fem!black!reader 📖𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: smau. 📖𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸: spice girl • aminé
𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲: in honor of lando's birthday :) look y’all—i saw one tik tok edit that was like “why is lando kinda…” and i audibly said KINDA???? and then i got mad like, how are people just noticing how fine he is. and then i saw another one that was like, “oh everybody thinks charles is the prettiest on the grid…but now introducing: lando” and i almost threw my phone across the room :) so this is inspired by me flexing that i have always thought lando was fine, and that i’m also mad that i have to share him. loves, this is complete brain rot and it took me years to recreate these ig posts for some reason; have fun reading !!!
all pics are from pinterest/op's
want to be added to my taglist or submit a request? send me an ask!
all of my posts can be found from my table of contents
anything on your mind? talk to me!
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twitter • three years ago, 2020
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instagram
yninstagram • three years ago, 2020
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liked by landonorris, mclaren, maxfewtrell, lewishamilton, and 16,175,978 others
yninstagram lando norris is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with. he’s perfection personified. the most soft, kindest, sweetest, considerate, and funniest man has allowed me the privilege of being his girlfriend. i’m forever thankful that we get to grow together. he’s the cutest, hottest, and prettiest boy to ME–and that’s all i care about, and that’s all you need to accept. i don’t give a FUCK about your opinions on who *i* should date. i’m the only person who’s decisions matter concerning my romantic relationships. why the hell should y’all bitches who don’t even use their own photos for their pfp’s and use a k-idol’s face instead, dictate who is hot or not. it’s incredibly vein, disgusting, and immature behavior from people who think they’re my fans. acting like jealous school children isn't cute; i was never your property. it’s hilarious too, considering some of y’all are grown women DOUBLE my age talking shit about my business–go worry about why your kids don’t want anything to do with you anymore.
tagged landonorris
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yninstagram matter of fact, go ahead and change your little profile pictures to real pictures of you, i don’t want to see any filters. then we can all see that all y’all want to do is spread insecurity stemming from your own self-hatred 🙂
yninstagram and while i have you all here, my winter season clothes will be restocked on the 15th.
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twitter • imessage • 2023
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instagram
landonorris • august 24th • zandvoort ⚑
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liked by yninstagram, mclaren, carlossainzjr, and 547,930 others
landonorris back in my favorite place
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yninstagram first!! stay back hoes 🤺🤺
➥ user being called a hoe by y/n is not what i expected this year
➥ user she has notif’s 😭on 😭 for 😭 lando 😭
yninstagram how r u so HOT 🥵
yninstagram that sweater is mine now 👺
➥ landonorris i can just get another for you love
➥ yninstagram …i want this one lan🫤
➥ landonorris okay it’s yours 🫠
user neither of them have any backbone when it comes to each other
➥ yninstagram as it should be 😤
user might have to trip and fall into lando’s arms this weekend
➥ yninstagram i’m flying in tomorrow rethink your plan 🙂
➥ user i think i’ll avoid lando like the plague this weekend 😅
➥ user smart decision babes
landonorris • september 12th
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liked by yninstagram, lnfour, tumitravel, and 425,395 others
landonorris coming in hot @ tumitravel
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yninstagram come in me—i mean come home to me haha 😳😊
➥ landonorris babe please not in front of the sponsors 😧
➥ tumitravel oh no pls don’t stop for us 🫣 we stan y/n
user i saw this photo shoot LIVE!!! lando was so sweet, he signed my hat for me, and he smells so good 😩😩
➥ yninstagram i’ll chop off your nose and then you can be voldemort for halloween 👺
user i don’t know if i want to choke him or have him choke ME
➥ yninstagram how about me choking you
➥ user omg i’m down for a threesome 😳
➥ yninstagram choking you to death :)
➥ user i don’t wanna play this game anymore
landonorris • september 18th • singapore ⚑
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liked by yninstagram, mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 950,706 others
landonorris whatttaaaaa weekend ❤
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yninstagram GODDAMN
carlossainzjr vamossss landito ❤️💪🏼🏆
➥ landonorris ayyyy 🧡🥳🥳
➥ yninstagram my boysssss 🥰
yninstagram that’s my boyfriend 🤤
➥ landonorris last photo is just for you 😋
yninstagram so proud of you baby, i’m running out of room to put all these trophies <3
➥ landonorris v happy to be your trophy husband
user i’m in love with this singapore haircut 🤤 thank you for not fucking it up lando 😅
➥ yninstagram mmm yes, i’m thrilled it’s still long on the top 😍 it gives me something to tug on
user surprised y/n allowed him to post that last one
➥ yninstagram he doesn’t need my permission, but i get to see him naked so i rdc
user quadrant helmet it so beautiful! i want it to stay 😭
➥ user i want him to fuck me with it on
➥ yninstagram out of pocket…but completely valid honestly—delete your account 😊
liked by landonorris
yninstagram carlando 1-2 makes up for the war i’m fighting in these comments
mclaren • novemeber 8th
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liked by landonorris, f1, yninstagram, and 97,293 others
mclaren pulling up fresh with @ landonorris
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yninstagram not pictured: @ landonorris pulling up to OUR flat
➥ user y/n said “he’s coming home with meeeee”
f1 does he come with the jacket👀
➥ yninstagram no, but the price of me folding you like a lawn chair is included in shipping & handling
➥ f1 i’ll go sit down 😅
➥ user she’s fighting the f1 main??? this is mentally-ill behavior y/n!!!
yninstagram mclaren admin go stand in a corner and stare at the wall
➥ mclaren they made me post this!!! i would NEVER risk upsetting you ma’am 🙇🏼‍♀️
➥ yninstagram no talking from the timeout corner 🫵🏽
user we don’t care about the jacket. which organ do i have to sell to buy an hour with him?
➥ yninstagram both kidneys
➥ user but you need at least one kidney to live?
➥ yninstagram how,,,unfortunate
user model!lando always glowssssss
➥ yninstagram it’s the 9 step skincare routine i have him on, you can follow steps 1-8 on his ig
➥ user what’s step 9?
➥ yninstagram kissing me 🤭
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lando.jpg • novemeber 13th • with my wife ⚑
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lando.jpg lucky to have found you so early in my life. you're my best birthday gift.
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holllandtrash · 2 years ago
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fragile line | daniel ricciardo
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pairing: daniel ricciardo x driver!reader
You and I walk a fragile line I have known it all this time But I never thought I'd live to see it break
what happens when the driver daniel falls in love with, ends up being the one who brings his career to a screeching halt? word count: 7.7k (im so sorry) warnings/tags: fluff-ish, plot with implied/very little smut, angst, mclaren danny, zak brown (gross), some incorrect f2 stats but whatever, time jumps, really just a lot of angst, its a rollercoaster
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“What do you know?”
“What do you know?” Daniel repeated the question back to you, the emphasis making it clear as day that you both carried the same career-altering information. 
His signature grin and comforting optimism were nowhere to be seen. Instead, Daniel’s expression could be described in a variety of ways. Solemn, disappointed, hurt. 
“What was I supposed to do?” You asked, going straight to the defensive. You couldn’t be helpful in this scenario, you just needed to explain yourself. He wouldn’t understand it from your perspective, but you had to try. 
“Not take the seat,” he offered a solution, as if it was that simple. “My god, I mean, they’re cutting my contract early, Y/N. For you.”
“For the sake of the team,” you corrected. You had no say in this. McLaren had plenty of driver options for the 2023 season. There were rumours of Daniel’s contract coming to an end a year early anyway, everyone heard them, everyone ignored them. The only thing that remained uncertain for a while was who would replace him should the rumours be true.
You. 
“You don’t even like McLaren.” You told him, voice raising a little as if that helped get the point across. “You’ve struggled with this team since day one.”
“That doesn’t mean I want to stop racing.”
“McLaren is not the team for you and you know this.”
Daniel scoffed, eyebrows twitching, “Did Zak tell you to say that?”
It was a rhetorical question, but Daniel noticed the way your bottom lip quivered. He caught the way your eyes dropped from his, even just for a split second. There was something unspoken between you, something that weighed on your mind and Daniel stepped forward, wanting to know what exactly it was. 
“Zak-” you started, reluctant to even say this. “-he doesn’t know I’m here. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not supposed to talk to you or anyone about it, not until your announcement comes out.”
Here meaning Daniel’s flat in Monaco. The place you spent more nights at than your own. You played it off by saying his view was better but that was such a bullshit answer. Daniel’s flat always felt more like home than yours ever did. 
You had formally met the Australian driver a few years ago, but god did time fly. It was at a race in Monza. You could pretend you didn’t know the date but of course you did, you had it memorised. September 3rd, 2020. There was no way you could forget the day your life changed for the better. 
Or possibly, for the worse. It was up in the air at this point. 
You were new to the Formula 2 series. The only female driver on the grid as you raced with Prema alongside Mick Schumacher. F3 proved to be quite a successful stint for you and you had your eyes set on the coveted Formula 1 series. You wanted to be in the big leagues. 
Daniel saw that. He saw how determined you were to not only make waves in Motorsport, but to make something of yourself. You trained just as hard, if not harder than the other drivers in the junior series and Daniel had seen that for a while. He was often surprised to see you at the hotel gym, already working up a sweat when he walked in at a little after 6am. He would be even more surprised when he saw you there in the evening when other drivers went and called it a night or even went and celebrated. 
Your race weekends were the same as F1 weekends, but you just had limited ones. It was a shorter season, less intense, but whenever you were there. Daniel saw you. He saw you and he paid attention. He even rooted for you, very publicly as well whenever he could, despite the two of you never having exchanged a word. 
The first time you heard about Daniel cheering you on was after the Monaco race, quite early on into your first season. You qualified 7th, not ideal for a track like Monaco where the opportunities to overtake were far and few between, but somehow you did it. And then you did it again. And you could say it was luck but it was really smart strategy and an insane amount of driver skill that had you finishing fifth. In Monaco. 
Those were Daniel’s words. He was asked pre-race if he watched the F2 run and he said of course. He said he “wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” wanting to see what you could do this weekend. 
“It’s not luck, she’s incredibly talented,” Daniel had told the Sky Sports reporter. “She’s doing big things in the series, and I’m rooting for her. Truly. It’s rare a driver comes around with such raw natural talent, where you look at them and you know racing’s just in their blood, but it’s in hers. I would love to see her in Formula 1 one day.”
You watched that interview clip about twenty times. Daniel Ricciardo, the Daniel Ricciardo who had won Monaco a few years back, was complimenting you. He was rooting for you. 
It wasn’t until Monza, nearing the end of your season that he finally approached you. 
“I want to work with you,” Daniel said, straight to the point. You were in the middle of stretching in the hotel's fitness centre. It was only Thursday, the race weekend itself had barely started but Daniel knew he’d find you in there. 
You pulled your airpods out and looked up at him in the mirror, “You what?”
“I want to work with you,” Daniel repeated, this time sitting down on the floor next to you. He kept your stare in the reflection. “I’m not a trainer by any means, but I want to work with you. I want to see you in Formula 1.”
You were flattered, honoured really, but you didn’t know what that entailed. “Work with me how?”
“Well, regular fitness training for starters,” he said. “But managing, really. I want to help you with everything that it takes to move up. Media training, mental preparedness, finding sponsors, getting you in touch with the right people. Let me help you, Y/N.”
You weren’t sure what brought this on. Part of you was convinced it was because he knew this would look good on his behalf. If you did make it to Formula 1 and Daniel’s name was attached to yours, he’d look like a genius. A hero. He would be known as the first person from F1 to publicly support you. 
But that wasn’t what it was at all. When you agreed and accepted his help, you soon came to learn that Daniel didn’t want to be in your spotlight at all. He found the opportunities that you needed and then stepped back. He didn’t mention to the media at all that he was helping you, he didn’t see a need to. He saw your potential and he truly wanted to help you make something off.
So there he was during the off season, meeting you in London where you resided. He trained with you, set you up with the right people, did weekly check-ins, he really was like a sort of manager. 
He was there during pre-season testing the following year, literally. He stood in the Prema garage like he was just another member of the team. No one really questioned it, not when you said he was acting as a mentor to you. Everyone loved Daniel’s presence there and he was told he was welcome whenever. 
He was there during race weekends whenever he could find time in his own busy schedule. He was never there during the actual race, needing that time to prepare for his own, but he always watched from his drivers room or had someone in his ear updating where you were and what was happening.
He was there in Silverstone, when you crashed during Saturday's Sprint Race.
It was one of the last sessions of the day, Daniel had already finished qualifying and he was standing in the back of your garage, arms crossed over his chest, eyes glued to the screen. 
He was the first voice you heard when you spun, losing the breaks in mere seconds and all you could do was brace yourself for the impact of the barriers. 
“Tell me you’re okay.” Daniel’s voice came through your radio. Not your engineer, not your team principal. Daniel. “Say something, sweets, tell me you're okay.”
Sweets, he called you. But only ever in private, or in front of close friends. What started as a joke when you complained about him not having any sweets in his flat the first time you visited in Monaco, stuck. 
But everyone had access to the team radios. It could be heard by other engineers, other teams, fans even and those watching at home should F1TV choose to broadcast it.
Of course they did. They aired the exchange for everyone to hear and it spread like wildfire. It was all anyone on social media could talk about. 
“Say something, sweets. Tell me you’re okay.” 
“I’m okay,” you sputtered out, hands shaking as you unclenched them. It was an instinct to pull them off the steering wheel and tuck your arms to your chest, physically bracing where you could. 
“Good,” Daniel breathed out a very obvious sigh of relief. “Good.” He paused, and then with a quiet chuckle added, “What the fuck was that then?” 
You laughed in response, needing the humour at such a traumatic time. You had crashed before, but this was a bad one. You didn’t even need to step out of the vehicle to know you were lucky to not feel any immediate injuries, but there was a ringing in your ear and the adrenaline was preventing you from really understanding the damage your body had sustained. 
It wouldn’t have helped, though, to have gotten an earful, not like it was your fault anyway. It also wouldn’t have helped if you were asked again and again if you were okay. The more people asked, the more stressed you would grow. Daniel knew you needed a bit of lightheartedness at this time. 
“No brakes, Danny,” you answered through a soft laugh.
“That just sounds like an excuse to me,” he muttered, the sarcasm evident even through the crackling radio.
“Are you going to continue to question my driving abilities or are you going to send medical out here to help me?”
That whole interaction went viral. From the radio message, to the clips of Daniel accompanying you to the medical centre, to the photos of the two of you smiling in the paddock despite the bruising on your body, the concussion you were diagnosed with and the instruction from the doctor that you were not stable enough to race on Sunday.  
Which sucked, to put it plainly. But you were with Daniel. He made the situation bearable. With his arm around your shoulder, he walked you to the car at the end of the day, having waited with you the whole time. 
People speculated, of course. Questions were asked. 
Why was Daniel Ricciardo paying such close attention to you? Why did he get over the radio when he crashed? Why did it sound so flirty? Had he been in your garages the whole time and no one noticed? Was he a mentor? A friend? More?
You had put out a statement when you got to the hotel, thanking everyone for the kind words and well wishes. You shared that you would not be driving on Sunday and you also shared that you were thankful for the support of Daniel Ricciardo, your mentor, who reminded you that even the best of the best crash out sometimes. 
Mentor, you publicly called him That’s what he was, right? Or trainer. Or Manager. Or friend, really. There were a lot of words to describe his relationship to you. 
People online didn’t believe it. They thought there was more because, who looks at each other like that if they’re not fucking? 
But you weren’t. Honest to god, that line with Daniel was never crossed. You never even considered it. Always content with his companionship and his advice, you didn’t want anything physical or romantic. 
At least, you thought you didn’t. 
Daniel dragged you into his room instead of letting you go up to yours because you were under strict instructions to not be left alone for the next twelve hours should the concussion worsen. 
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, handing you a glass of water. “I know I joked over the radio, but I was worried. It wasn’t a pretty crash.”
“Are any crashes pretty?”
He sat down next to you, closer than normal considering when he rested his arm over the back of the couch, his fingers were within the distance needed to play with the strands of your hair. 
He sucked in a breath through his teeth, “I guess it depends on the driver. I make the crashes pretty.” 
The comedic gasp you let out as you clenched your chest had him laughing. 
“Daniel Ricciardo, are you calling me ugly?”
“Don’t twist my words!” He exclaimed, eyes squinting as his smile widened. “I said I was pretty.” 
You hummed, “You pretty much said I made the crush ugly.” 
“I didn’t say you were ugly,” Daniel playfully tugged on a strand of your hair. “You’re not- I mean, you-”
And then the humour faded. He met your eyes, his hand fell to your shoulder. He was still smiling but it was the sort of gentle smile one wears when they figure out the answer to a question that had been eating at them for a while. 
Something clicked for Daniel. At this very moment. 
He wasn’t going to let it escape him. 
“Pretty doesn’t do you justice,” Daniel told you, voice lowering. “You’re breaktaking, Y/N. On the racetrack, at home, at events, you put everyone around you to shame. And it’s not- it isn’t just your appearance, it’s you. Everything about you. Your heart, your charisma, the way your eyes light up when you smile but only if you’re talking to people you like,” he chuckled, having experienced it first hand and having seen the way you don’t look nearly as pleased when someone you dislike approaches you. 
You were speechless, though. Frozen where you sat as this admission came out of seemingly nowhere. 
And Daniel was attractive, that was an undeniable fact, he was everything anyone could ever want in a man. But you never allowed yourself to look at him the way other people would. He was your trainer, manager, mentor, friend. 
You had no words to explain the way he was staring at you now. Nor could you explain why it made you feel more alive than driving a racecar at inhumane speeds ever could. 
Daniel took another breath, eyes never leaving yours. “You are unlike anyone I have ever come across and I know, in my lifetime, I will never find someone who could ever compare to even a fraction of who you are.”
There was no way you could continue to be just friends after those words passed his lips. 
You kissed him. You had to. It wasn’t like there was anything you could say that would match what he had already said, nor could you even find the words. 
You kissed him and Daniel pulled you onto his laps, your legs moving to straddle either side of his hips. His hands roamed your body, sliding up the Prema shirt you still had on as your tongue roamed every possible inch of his mouth. 
His hand gripped your waist, rolling you over top of him so you could feel in a matter of seconds how this conversation had now taken a turn. His cock started to harden, constricted by his pants, but you still felt it underneath you each time he shifted, each time you grinded against him. 
When you reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, Daniel leaned back, both of you taking that second to catch your breath and question if you were really going to do this.
“Is this a mistake?” You whispered, your thumb gently tracing over his lips. Your working relationship was perfect. This could ruin everything. You had fears, doubts, worries. One night could lead to dozens of complications. 
But Daniel shook his head and all of those thoughts vanished.
“No,” he said, sounding so sure of himself with that one syllable. “I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life but you are not one of them.”
That was the only validation you needed. You kissed him again, more lust, more passion, than before as Daniel stood up, carrying you towards the bed at the back of the room. He dropped you down on the edge of it, smiling at the squeal that escaped your lips.
Daniel wanted to worship you every way he could. He was gentle with you, with your body, as he dipped his head between your thighs, making you feel a wave of euphoria that no one had ever brought you too before. 
It wasn’t until you were begging for more did Daniel realise he didn’t need to be gentle the entire night. He slid two fingers past your folds, lifting his head and hovering his body over yours, wanting to feel your desperate breaths hit his face as he rapidly thrusted his digits in and out of you, your walls clenching around him.
When he attached his lips to that spot on your neck, his teeth pressing against your skin, you saw stars. Daniel’s motions didn’t let up as you came around his fingers, loving the way your legs shook and how you dragged your hand through the hair on the back of his head.
He was cautious about doing anything else, knowing you were injured, he didn’t want to overstimulate you or cause any more pain. 
But you needed him. You reached for the zipper of his pants and tugged it down, telling Daniel you wanted this, as if the way you looked up at him didn’t already make that perfectly clear. 
He was careful when he entered you, patient. The tip of his cock slid past your folds slowly and he kissed your collarbone so gently you almost didn’t feel it as you adjusted to his size, quiet moans emitting from the back of your throat. 
He had praised you before, but only ever at the race track, so there was something so familiar yet so foreign about the way he whispered against your skin. It lit a fire within you.
“You take me so well, sweets,” he fought back a groan as your walls tightened around him when you clenched your legs. “So good for me.”
It was safe to say the dynamic between you two changed after that night. 
Daniel adored you already, admired you greatly for your achievements and growth in the sport. But now he fought with himself every weekend, knowing that he couldn’t touch you how he wanted. He couldn’t show you the attention he so desperately wanted. He couldn’t kiss you when you got that podium in Belgium, despite finding a way to sneak out of the pre-race duties for a second to run to the barrier to be there for you with the rest of the Prema team. 
Whatever was going on between you, it was unlabelled and it was private. The rest of the world didn’t need to know you were sleeping with the man you looked up to, the one who helped you become a great athlete in such a short period of time. 
People continued to speculate. You were private, sure, but you weren’t overly careful. 
You were seen landing in Monaco over the summer. You were spotted hanging out with Daniel on plenty of occasions. Even though you kept your hands off of each other and refused to act like anything more than friends out in public, you were different when you returned after the break. You both were. Everyone noticed. 
Daniel was, if it was even possible, happier. And you were less stressed it seemed. While you were still fighting a constant battle of being the only female in F2, it no longer seemed as heavy because the weight of it wasn’t just on your shoulders anymore. Daniel was there too. 
It wasn’t just physical, what you had. The emotional connection you shared was undeniable. Daniel was always there for you, and you, him. During the bad days, the good ones, and everyday in between. 
When you finished the season 5th in the drivers championship, the only person you wanted to celebrate with was Daniel. He was so proud of you. He watched you go from finishing 13th last year to 5th. He played a huge part in that, but when you tried to tell him that, he only brushed it off, saying that it was all you, he was just happy to be there for the ride. 
It was his idea for you to test drive for McLaren at the end of the year, too. ‘We’ll get you in a real F1 car’ he said. And you didn’t question it when the offer was brought forward to participate in a few practice sessions. It was exhilarating and terrifying and you cried tears of joy when you stepped out of his car because this was what you dreamed of. Driving a Formula 1 car. 
Now you just needed a permanent seat and Daniel wanted that for you too. He was your biggest supporter, and you only grew closer as the days went on.
You met his family over the holidays. He spent New Years Eve in London with you. 
When the season started again, he spent more time with you and Prema. When there were no scheduled F2 races during F1 weekends, you accompanied him in the McLaren garage. 
At this point, quite a few people knew you were together, or at least they assumed it.
You didn’t post about it, you didn’t want to, you didn’t need to. Daniel didn’t need to show you off, nor did you feel obligated to let everyone know you were with him. What you had was private, it was sacred, it was only for the two of you. 
But of course whenever you had a good performance, whether it be from a practice session, qualifying or a race, he’d share your celebration picture to his Instagram story. 
“Would you ever do a shoey?” Daniel asked you one Tuesday night, zooming in on a photo of you, more specifically on the smile on your face as you clenched your second place trophy from Imola on Sunday. 
You rolled your eyes but the smile was impossible to hide as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, tugging you into his chest. 
“Next time you win,” Daniel suggested with a laugh. “I expect a shoey.”
“I’m not Australian.”
“You’re dating one, sweets.”
You never actually discussed what you were. The term boyfriend-girlfriend seemed so childish. Dating was, in a sense, accurate, but again, there were no labels. He had your heart, you had his. That was the only thing that mattered. 
“The world doesn’t know that,” you pointed out. 
“They kind of do,” Daniel kissed your cheek, giving your side a squeeze as he stepped aside to help you prepare dinner. 
You weren’t even sure when you fell into such a domestic lifestyle but there you were, practically moved into Daniel’s place in Monaco at this point  and he was at your side, chopping carrots for the salad while you prepared the chicken breasts. 
“A shoey would confirm it,” you glanced up at him, but the smile on his face told you he wasn’t completely against the idea. 
Daniel stepped behind you, fingers playfully pinching your waist, “Just think about it. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just reckon it would be entertaining for everyone.”
He didn’t bring it up again, not even when you got third in Spain and didn’t do it. It was your first time getting a back to back podium since you started racing and of course it was something to celebrate, but the idea of a shoey made your stomach churn. You weren’t sure if you were ready for the world to know about your commitment to Daniel. 
You walked a thin line, being with him. And while you enjoyed every possible minute spent with him, you knew the world was cruel. The second you officially went public, you’d lose respect in the motorsport industry. 
The only female F2 driver dating an F1 driver? How scandalous.
Despite the rumours, the correct rumours, you were still in a bubble with him. You could pretend you were just friends, close friends. The tabloids had nothing to go off except your polite interactions and maybe a little too friendly smiles and so what if you were there in the McLaren garage cheering him on? 
You were his biggest supporter and he was yours.
But it didn’t help that while your performance was improving, his was rapidly declining. While you had less races than his, already your stats were better. You qualified in the top 5 for the first three races. You finished second in Imola, third in Spain, already better than how you started the season last year.
Monaco was next. Daniel loved Monaco, you both did. Everyone did, it was the pinnacle of Formula 1. 
It was unfortunate that your weekends ended up so drastically different. 
Daniel qualified 14th and then finished 13th. He wasn’t proud of it, but he did his best to hide his disappointment for you, especially since you were starting on the front row, P2, for the feature race. 
And somehow, you won. 
After trailing behind Drugovich for the majority of the race, you were starting to believe you would finish behind him too. And you probably would have, had there not been a safety car almost six laps after he boxed for fresh tyres, giving you the advantage of newer tyres and less wasted time. It was a strategy your team was banking on, waiting for a safety car. It was risky, but it paid off. Overtaking was nearly impossible with Formula 1 cars, but you had a better chance in your series and somehow, by the grace of god, you did it. You pulled ahead and swiped the lead from Felipe. 
You made history that weekend. The first female F2 driver to not only podium, but to win at Monaco. You gripped that first place trophy so tight your hand turned red. 
Usually, F2 didn’t draw nearly as big of a crowd, but this weekend was different. Everyone was a fan of the series after that performance, a fan of you. You saw people in the crowd wearing Red Bull gear, Ferrari merch, McLaren hats, and they were all applauding you. 
Of course, you were blown away by the support. Hearing your national anthem play was an incredible sound. There were tears in your eyes and your entire body was trembling, yet somehow you managed to find Daniel. Right in front, with your team. 
He was so proud of you. 
Despite his shitty qualifying, despite knowing he had such a low shot at earning points at his race that was in just under an hour, he was there for you. You couldn’t tell if he was cheering the loudest, or if you were just so prone to finding him in a crowd that you couldn’t process anything or anyone else. 
You weren’t sure what came over you, but once you grabbed the champagne bottle, you found yourself taking your shoe off as well. As Felipe and Théo started spraying their bottles in celebration, you poured the bubbly liquid into the sole of your racing shoe and lifted it up to your lips, pointing directly at Daniel who couldn’t believe what he was watching. 
It was rancid, as you figured it would. It was champagne out of a sweaty shoe, you knew it wouldn’t taste good, but it was a shoey and it was for Daniel. Felipe patted your back, laughing at your reaction and muttering something about how Daniel would get a kick out of that. 
He was right, but Daniel wasn’t the only one who found it entertaining. 
Your name was once again trending following the Monaco Grand Prix. Not Checo’s, even though he won the F1 race. Your name. 
Not that you really cared that night. How could you care about what the internet was saying when the man you were with told you that he loved you for the first time? Nothing online mattered, not when Daniel took your face in his hands and told you he was madly in love with you. He was proud, he was happy, he was in love. 
And you knew you loved him too. You had known this for a while. Monaco was just the perfect time to say it. 
After going about as public as you could without physically coming out and saying you were dating the Australian driver, Monaco was the perfect place to tell him you loved him. You were on cloud 9, you were making history, you were in love. 
You continued to deny, or at least ignore, the rumours that followed, still. You both did. You were in love with each other, not the whole world. Things would get complicated if you announced you were dating. You were vying for a Formula 1 seat and you wanted it without Daniels’ influence. 
But at the following race in Baku you were asked similar questions. 
“Your shoey last week, did that have anything to do with Daniel Ricciardo being there to cheer you on? You two have gotten pretty close in the last few months, he’s one of your mentors, isn’t he?” 
You shifted your weight to one leg, wondering what the fuck kind of post-qualifying question that was. You had just completed three back to back podiums, you were on a hot streak now, starting third at this next race and the reporter only cared about what happened at the podium celebration last weekend.
“Sorry, did you have a question about this week's race?” You asked, and when he stammered over his words, you just nodded and walked away, a tight smile on your face. 
Daniel’s conversation went a bit differently. 
“Y/N’s shoey last week, we all saw it. Was that your influence?”
“Yeah I never thought she’d actually do it, it was sweet,” Daniel laughed. “It was great though, I happily pass the tradition onto her.”
“She’s really come along in Formula 2 since she started back in 2020, do you think she has what it takes to be Formula 1’s first full-time female driver?”
“Absolutely,” there wasn’t a shred of doubt or hesitation. He was happy to talk about you, to explain to the rest of the world why you were up and coming and should be taken seriously as a real contender for a Formula 1 seat. He probably would have continued on if his PR rep hadn’t pulled him away, reminding him of other duties.
The next few races were similar to your first ones. A couple more podiums, some outstanding qualifying sessions, more history being made. Your phone was blowing up weekly, everybody wanted to talk to you now and you knew Daniel had something to do with it. Him constantly sharing the faith he had in you did wonders for your reputation. 
You might have been on top of the world, but you were well aware you were alone up there.
Daniels’ performances were anything but newsworthy. He had gotten a few points in Austria and France, but nothing to be extremely proud of, especially when he compared his 9th place finish at the Red Bull Ring to your first place podium, making it your second one this season. 
He never let his disappointment for himself and McLaren stand in the way of your achievements. In fact, you didn’t often speak about the races when you were together. You were aware Daniel was having issues with the team, with Zak, with the car, but he didn’t want to weigh you down with his own problems, even though you assured him time and time again you could handle it. 
Really, if Daniel had come to you with his struggles, you would have thought twice when Zak Brown approached you prior to the Hungarian Grand Prix. You probably would have slammed the door to your drivers room in his face if you knew how Daniel was being treated at McLaren. 
But Daniel held his cards close to his chest while Zak laid his all out on the table.
“If a spot opened up for you,” he said, after spending the last ten minutes talking about the rich history of the team and praising your accolades. “Would you consider it?”
It wasn’t an official contract, just the start of a conversation that could lead to one.
Of course you thought of Daniel. And Lando, having grown close with him simply through Daniel. 
“For 2024?” You asked, knowing both of them were set to continue driving through to at least the end of 2023. 
“No,” Zak shook his head. You didn’t like how harsh his tone had turned, having no remorse for what he was about to say. “Daniel’s contract would be ending early.”
You leaned back in your chair, fingers tapping the table as you tried to recall Daniel ever telling you that he was leaving McLaren. “Is he- he wants out?”
“It’s mutual,” Zak assured you. “He knows we can’t give him the car he wants and unfortunately, he’s not delivering what we need. We had high hopes with Daniel, but the working relationship isn’t what any of us thought it would be.”
It’s mutual. Those two words was all it took to convince you that Zak Brown and Daniel had already had a conversation about this, about terminating the contract a year early. 
It didn’t help that Zak brought up your test sessions in the McLaren from last year, pointing out that you had better times than Lando, even. He went on to praise what you were doing this year at Prema and said, multiple times, that you would be an asset to McLaren should you choose to go that route.
And who were you to turn that down?
A team principal of a Formula 1 team wanted to sign you. Was it unfortunate that it was Daniel’s seat? Yes, obviously this situation was less than ideal, but he wanted out. You were convinced he wanted out, that he was done with McLaren. A 45 minute conversation with Zak Brown convinced you of that.
You should have been wary when at the end of the conversation he said, “Don’t tell anyone about this, yet. You know how the public can be, let’s just keep this to ourselves for the meantime.”
“But I can talk to Dan, right?” You asked. 
Zak knew you were dating Daniel, it was a little harder to hide that from his team than it was the rest of the world. Maybe that’s why hesitated before answering, knowing that keeping a secret, something as big as this, from a partner had the potential to cause chaos.
But he shook his head, “Between us, yeah?”
And you listened to him. You wanted that Formula 1 seat so of course you followed orders. 
You desperately wanted to talk to Daniel about it, but you knew you couldn’t. And either he sensed that something was off, or he was dealing with his own problems again and wouldn’t share, you really couldn’t tell when the summer break started and things just seemed…different. 
You didn’t go to Monaco for starters, even though Daniel invited you to. But there were so many meetings with Zak and the board at McLaren that it made more sense for you to stay in London for the start of the break. 
Daniel didn’t call as often and you wanted to give him space, knowing that this break was probably needed for him. You expected he was out with friends, letting loose, getting the weight of a horrible season off his back even if just temporarily. 
The plan was to go to Monaco for the last week and a half and then travel to Belgium together. You had to delay that plan, however, when Zak called you and said it was official.
The 2023 seat was yours. 
You wanted to celebrate, with Daniel, but how could you celebrate with the person you were replacing?
It was strange that Daniel had said nothing to you about leaving the team during the summer break, especially since Zak had said time and time again they were on the same page, that Daniel was ready to leave. The only thing that crossed your mind was he was given strict instructions to not say anything to anyone either, at least until McLaren went public with the news. 
But with it being official, with you having just signed on the dotted line, you were tired of keeping it to yourself. You may not have been able to share the news with anyone else, but you had a right to have a conversation with Daniel about it.
You didn’t know how he would react. Surely he’d be happy for you, right? You were getting a seat in Formula 1, something that both of you desperately wanted to happen. And again, you were under the impression the departure from McLaren was mutual. He would be happy that someone he loved was taking his seat, right?
Right?
You had to tell yourself that the entire ride over to his place. You unlocked the front door to his building and took the elevator up to the fourth level. You didn’t think to knock, knowing he never locked it when he was home so you pushed open the door and stepped in, your suitcase trailing behind you.
You were happy to see him. He was always a breath of fresh air, despite the odd distance between you, you still loved him. You always would. He muted whatever was playing on the screen and stood up from the couch when he heard you walk in.
Usually, Daniel would greet you with a kiss.
Usually, he’d be smiling so hard his jaw would be hurting.
Usually, he was happy to see you.
You left the suitcase by the door and met him halfway, only he stopped walking when there was about a foot of space between your bodies. To you, it felt like you were still miles apart.
“Do you have something you want to tell me?” He asked, arms crossed over his chest. 
Your heart sank. 
You had convinced yourself, Zak had convinced you, the whole back of house team had convinced you, that Daniel was aware of this upcoming change. That the termination was mutual. You taking his seat might have been a surprise, but it was never supposed to be a blindside.
“What do you know?” you asked. 
“What do you know?” Daniel repeated the question back to you.
You were both fully aware of the exact same information. Daniel was leaving. You were taking his seat. Only, you had been informed this much earlier than he had.
“What was I supposed to do?” 
“Not take the seat,” he scoffed. “My god, I mean, they’re cutting my contract early, Y/N. For you.”
“For the sake of the team,” you said and then added, “You don’t even like McLaren. You’ve struggled with this team since day one.”
“That doesn’t mean I want to stop racing.”
“McLaren is not the team for you and you know this.”
Daniel scoffed, eyebrows twitching, “Did Zak tell you to say that?”
“Zak-” you started, finding it difficult to hold his stare. This wasn’t the Daniel you knew. “-he doesn’t know I’m here. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not supposed to talk to you or anyone about it, not until your announcement comes out.”
He rubbed his hands over his face, taking a few steps away from you. It hurt, watching as he tried to physically distance himself from you. Like being in too close of proximity would set him off.
“I struggled with the team, yes, but I’m not ready to give up racing. You have now left me without a seat.”
It was easy for Daniel to blame you, you were standing right in front of him. You were quite literally the driver set to replace him.
But the real villain was Zak, for not having opened up this line of communication earlier. For making you believe everyone was on the same page. It was Zak’s fault for rushing to end the contract with Daniel instead of putting in the effort to work with him. He saw the shiny new toy that was you, that Daniel helped create, and he wasn’t going to let someone else take it first.
Daniel wanted to blame himself too, but he wouldn’t let himself think about that until much later. He was the one who did everything he could to help you grow in this sport. He was the one who introduced you to Zak and the rest of the McLaren team. He was the one who got you in the car for the practice sessions, his car. Foreshadowing at its finest.
“You are unbelievable,” Daniel spoke quietly, heated with anger but his words were like ice as they sunk deep into you. “After everything I’ve done to help you for you to betray me like this, I just- I don’t think-”
You knew where this was going and you wanted to put a pin in it before he could finish any of his thoughts.
“Don’t finish that sentence, Daniel,” you whispered. “Please. Please, we can figure something out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out,” his mind was made up. “You took my seat.”
“Wouldn’t you rather it me than someone you don’t know? Someone you don’t trust?” You tried to turn this around, have him look at the positives, if there were any. “Daniel, everyone on the grid loves you, you’ll find a new team. One that helps you grow and get to where you want. McLaren isn’t that, we both know it.”
“I think you should go,” was his only response. 
“If I hadn’t signed that contact, someone else would have,” you pointed out, grasping at straws here, painfully honest straws, but straws nonetheless. “Piastri, O’Ward…McLaren had options, Dan. Aren’t you at least happy for me that I out-qualified all of those guys?”
Daniel actually laughed, “You want me to be happy for you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Dan-”
“Leave.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“You need to,” he was stern. He was angry. He was done. With you, with the team, with everything he used to love and cherish. He was done. 
You thought you knew Daniel. You thought you knew how this conversation would play out. You figured it would still be rocky, but god you now realised how naive you were to believe you could still make things work. 
“I love you,” you told him, because what else could you say except remind him that you were so hopelessly in love with him, that he was all you would ever want in life. 
Except, that wasn’t exactly true, was it?
You wanted a seat in Formula 1 too. You just never thought you’d have to sacrifice one dream for the other. 
Daniel’s stare was cold. He only looked away for a second to nod his head towards the door behind you, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this.”
You stepped forward, desperate at this point because how could he do this? How could he throw away what you had, over a seat?
Or was it you, who had ultimately thrown away what you had when you sat down with Zak Brown all those weeks ago?
It pained you to think about the strong possibility of that being the case.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, because you were. You were sorry about how this turned out, how he was betrayed, how this was coming to an end. You grabbed hold of your suitcase and nodded, backing up towards the door, “I really am sorry, Dan.”
He didn’t believe you. Why would he? In his eyes, Formula 1 was more important to you than he was. A career decision that benefited you, but ruined him, mattered more than your relationship. It was a bold move, a cold move, one that you didn’t think would lead to this.
Neither of you could have predicted this. On September 3rd, 2020, when Daniel first said he wanted to work with you, neither of you thought it would end like this.
Just as you grabbed the handle of the door, Daniel opened his mouth, wanting to get the final word in. And you really wished he hadn’t because those final words destroyed you. 
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, but I never thought you would turn out to be one of them.”
You said nothing. You walked out of that Monaco flat with your head low and your heart even lower. You couldn’t even be excited about the next season, or the remainder of this one where you had the potential to finish in the top three. 
You weren't happy, you were empty, you were defeated. And painfully so, you were also still in love.
Despite what was said, you knew it would take a while to get over Daniel. He was your rock for so long, he was always there for you and even though he could disappear without so much as a second thought, your feelings couldn’t, the memories couldn’t. It would take a long time until you felt whole again.
You didn’t know it yet, but the decision to take that McLaren seat would haunt you as you moved forward in your career. 
This was not going to be the last time you ever saw Daniel. 
part 2 haunted
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kanmom51 · 3 months ago
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This needs a little more attention
I was in a bit of a hurry to post last night, giddy and all.
You get it.
Jikook Karma being a bitch and all was too big of an opportunity to pass by.
Yes, I can be a pety bitch at times. 100% proud of it when it comes to rubbing it in the faces of those that know nothing but hate in their hearts.
Anyway, I wanted to add a little bit more just to give a little more clarity to it all.
You know, frame it in a lovely golden Jikook frame.
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So yeah, JM basically confirms that he spent the night of the 25th September 2023 with JK. Him confirming they spent this night together adds up to so many more times we either know for a fact, from them, that they spent the night together (we got that for the night of the #1 Billboards for Dynamite, for example) or conclusions we come to from thing they do, show or tell us, even if it's not directly said (like their 4 am Chuseok message in 2020 or the ease with which JK was ready to get his toiletries together to go to JM's for a shower and a live).
So, JK returns from NY that day, 25 September 2023, and look who was in a hurry to get home upon arrival.
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I guess there was someone he wanted to see, someone he wanted to cook for.
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Someone he wanted to spend the night together with, AWAKE, even though he got zero sleep while on the flight back from NY.
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Someone he indeed followed to spend that night with - not getting any sleep!!!
Someone he was going to be spending the next 3 days together with on what was supposed to be a trip just for the two of them in one of their favorite places.
Someone he was thinking about when he was in NY trying out food and thinking about how he will be cooking it for him,
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following that by having the ingredients for said dish there in Jeju and cooking it for said person.
The person that is used to JK cooking for him...
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The person that loves JK's cooking and appreciates it so much.
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The person that he was meant to go on that trip with exclusively, before it became a trip for three.
Well more so a trip for 2 plus one.
One who they made sure to constantly remind he was a third wheel to their trip, their show!!!
We knew that JM and JK spend whatever free time they have together. With or without letting us know this (when they do tell us it's usually months later). And those who didn't know or didn't accept that until now, especially in 2023, well, I do hope this has all been somewhat of a wakeup call for them - as if enlisting together was not enough to clear that one up!!!
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httpswritings · 1 year ago
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We've created an artist — Alexia Putellas x Jenni Hermoso x Child! Reader
Warning: angst, abandonment issues, hitting. avoid reading if you feel uneasy about these topics.
Word count: 1386.
Summary: Alexia and Jenni had a daughter back in 2020. They split up in 2022 and Alexia started dating Olga the same year. In this fic, Jenni and Alexia do not end up together but they do face some challenges coparenting.
A/N: I almost sobbed writing this lol. It's pretty dramatic but it's worth it. 🫶
Through 2023, Alexia began introducing Olga to you. She started to make some comments about “her friend Olga” so you could get used to her name. Then, she gave you some gifts her friend Olga gave you; they made you really excited, as they usually were toys, fluffed animals, cute pieces of clothing from your favorite cartoons, etc. As you got used to Olga being in your mother's life, she eventually introduced her to you.
It went well. Olga was caring, all smiles for you. She was a bit timid, which you thought was wonderful, as you found her to be a delicate and loving woman. Alexia ended up telling you Olga was, in fact, her girlfriend and not her friend. It didn't change anything between the three of you, as your mother, Jenni, was also around, and everything carried on well.
While you were going through the life challenges of a two-year-old, your mother, Jenni, had to explain to you that she was going to be away for some time. It was not an easy, but necessary, decision for her and her football career. Even if you did not understand it, the psychologist your mothers talked to said it was crucial for your well-being to explain to you why Jenni was going to be away for some time, even if it sounded odd. She kept in contact with you through video calls, calls, and gifts she kept sending you and visiting you in Barcelona anytime she could, giving up any opportunity to visit her family in Madrid as you were her priority. The reason she didn't bring you to Mexico is because she didn't have any family there, while Alexia had her whole family near her. You still got to spend some time in Mexico when you visited Jenni with her family, especially your uncle, Jenni's brother, who you always had such a great time with. Because of these trips to Mexico, being far away from your mother, Jenni, wasn't that tough. Of course you missed her, but you saw her every month for a few days.
The World Cup came, and it was the best moment of your life. You got to spend about three months with both of your mothers and their teammates, especially the one who was closer to them. You celebrated your third birthday during your stay in New Zealand, as you were born in July.
September arrived. You started kindergarten when you were already three years old. You had a great start, coming home amused by how much fun you had at school each day. Alexia was the one who picked you up from school most days, but some of them you were greeted by Alexia's family, Olga, or Jenni's family when they came to visit. 
It took you almost a month before you started having an issue with Jenni not being able to pick you up from school. Your class was quite diverse, with different kinds of families: with one parent; with two mothers or fathers; with one mother and one father. But you had two mothers in your life; you wanted one of them to pick you up from school, just like you noticed some of your classmates were.
“Where can I go back to Mexico to see Mami?" you asked Alexia as she was picking you up from school. “Where's the «Hello, Mamà»?" she said as she tried to avoid the question. “Hello, Mamà. When am I seeing Mami again?” Alexia smiled at your innocence. “Soon, baby, soon.” You did not keep asking her about it, as you noticed tears threatening to escape your eyes. But that didn't imply that you were taking Jenni's absence well. The videocalls with Jenni kept getting quicker, as you couldn't bear seeing her through the phone for too long.
“What's up to her, Ale? Is everything alright?" Jenni asked one afternoon, when you didn't even spend one minute talking to her. Alexia tried to hold you but snapped back at her, “Leave me; I want to leave.” Afterwards, you went to your room to play with some toys.
Some weeks later, Alexia told you it was time to talk to Jenni, but you refused. “I don't want to talk with her.” “What do you mean you don't want to? Mami is waiting for you, baby. Did something happen?” “No. I'm not talking to her or to you."
Alexia sighed. She was usually calm when it came to you. Whenever something happened with you, she would sit with you and let you express yourself, even if that implied crying out of frustration because you couldn't go to the park. Something not a big deal to her but a huge deal for you at your age.
“What do you need, my love?” She kept asking you questions with a delicate tone. Olga got nearer and caressed your cheek, to which you responded by smiling. Alexia was dealing with some discomfort in her knee, which had her very worried. Still, she managed to keep calm and try to understand you. But you kept quiet. Worryingly quiet. Your mind felt so loud inside that you noticed your sight getting blurry. Images of Jenni came to your mind in a rush. You loved Alexia, but you needed Jenni's gentle and motherly touch.
Alexia began to lose her patience, and you shouted, “I need Mami. I want Mami. I want her now.” Alexia tried to calm you down, but you refused to let her touch you. “No! Don't touch me. I want Mami, not you”, as you got out of her embrace, slightly hitting her on the arm, running to your room, and shutting the door harshly.
It was the first time you did something like that. Getting out of Alexia's embrace the way you did wasn't a big deal for you, but Alexia felt like the whole world was collapsing. Olga rushed to hug Alexia, but her mind was repeating the moment of you hitting her. “Ale, baby, come back, please. Look at me.” Alexia's eyes had no expression overall. "Alexia." Olga said as she made Alexia look at her.
“She doesn't want me, Olga.”
“Yes, she does. Alexia, Y/N adores you. She just needs Jenni here too. She knows she has you here, in the room next to hers, at home. She's going to see you when she wakes up. She's going to have lunch with you. She plays with you at home. You both go on walks. She knows it, baby. But she also knows she can't have all that with Jenni. She doesn't have her other mother with her.” Alexia nodded, trying to understand Olga. “Y/N probably isn't aware of what she has just done. It was her way of expressing it. Later, you can explain to her why she can't hit people, even if she's sad, but right now, let her have some time to go through her anger and calm yourself down before talking to her.” Alexia finally hugged Olga back. “Thank you, Olga. Thank you.”
Half an hour later, Alexia came into your room, finding it empty. She freaked out as she called out your name, but you didn't respond. She went to her room. Still, you were nowhere to be found. “Alexia, she's here." Olga said. Alexia rushed to an empty room in the house, used for nothing in particular. You were sleeping on the floor with a drawing next to you. As Alexia got closer to you, Olga got out of the room to leave you both some time alone. In the paper, you drew yourself, with Alexia and Olga to your left. Olga was dressed with a timid smile and in a dress. Alexia was dressed the same way as you, in a fairy costume. This was enough to make Alexia cry. In the drawing, you also drew Jenni next to your right. She was drawn with a huge smile, emphasizing her dark black hair.
Alexia took a photo of your drawing and sent it to Jenni. “Look, we've created an artist. A very talented girl, Jenni. Talk to you in a couple of hours, as I know it's still pretty early there in México.” Then, she took a photo of you sleeping on the floor and sent it to her too. “Even geniuses need some sleep 😴 ”
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someone-will-remember-us · 3 months ago
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A total of 51 men are on trial over their alleged attacks on Gisèle Pelicot, recruited by her then-husband Dominique Pelicot, who has admitted drugging and raping her.
The 50 men accused of rape and assault alongside Dominique Pelicot are aged between 26 and 74. They include a nurse, a journalist, a prison warden, a local councillor, a soldier, lorry drivers and farm workers. They each face up to 20 years in prison.
In total, 49 are accused of rape, one of attempted rape and one of sexual assault. Five others are also accused of possessing child abuse imagery.
Most lived in south-eastern France within a 60km radius of the village of Mazan, where the Pelicots lived. Six have previous convictions for domestic violence, two have convictions for sexual violence. A total of 23 have a criminal record for offences such as drunk-driving and possession of drugs.
Some of the accused men have admitted rape but said they did not set out with this intention, and have apologised in court to Gisèle Pelicot, 72, a grandmother and former logistics manager. Others have denied the charge of rape, saying they believed they were taking part in a game by the couple.
Gisèle Pelicot was unknowingly sedated and raped by her former husband, Dominique Pelicot, 71, who crushed sleeping tablets and anti-anxiety medication into her food and drinks and invited men to rape her over a nine-year period from 2011 to 2020.
Pelicot has admitted the charges against him and said that for almost a decade he was in contact with men on an online chatroom titled “without her knowledge” where he would organise for strangers to come to the couple’s home
“I am a rapist, like the others in this room,” Pelicot told the court.
The case is being heard by a panel of five professional judges in the southern city of Avignon and runs until December. Gisèle Pelicot has waived her right to anonymity in order for the trial to be held in public, saying: “Shame must change sides.”
As the men appear in court over the course of the four-month trial, the Guardian will detail their profiles and testimony.
Cyrille D, 54
Trained as a butcher, Cyrille D is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot in her home in September 2019. Cyrille D’s partner, the mother of his children, was on holiday at the time. He said he was sexually frustrated in his relationship and had gone on to the online chatroom to console himself.
In court, Cyrille D admitted rape, saying he had realised later that he had not gained Gisèle Pelicot’s consent, only her husband’s. He said Gisèle Pelicot was clearly unconscious but that her husband had been “insistent”. He said: “I’m sorry, I was naive, a little stupid, an idiot.” He told the court that while in prison on remand he had understood that “women do not belong to men”.
Gisèle Pelicot’s lawyer said video evidence had showed that the alleged rape by Cyrille D had put her life in danger as she had risked not being able to breathe.
Cyrille D detailed a violent childhood at the hands of his alcoholic father, who he said would wait outside school with a meat cleaver to attack him and threaten him. “My father was Hitler,” he told the court. After a brutal public beating by his father outside school, Cyrille D was placed in care as a teenager.
Lionel R, 44
A worker at the Pelicots’ local supermarket in Carpentras, Lionel R was a married father of three when he made contact with Dominique Pelicot. In court, Lionel R admitted raping Gisèle Pelicot on 2 December 2018 at her home, but he said he had not intended to commit rape.
“Since I never obtained Mrs Pelicot’s consent, I have no choice but to accept the facts,” he told the court. Turning to Gisèle Pelicot, he said: “I am sorry, I can only imagine the nightmare you’ve lived through … and I am part of this nightmare.” He said: “I never told myself: ‘I will rape that woman” but he admitted: “I’m guilty of rape.” He added that he should have left when he saw she was unconscious, and that it was cowardly of him not to have said anything.
The court heard that Dominique Pelicot had previously brought an unsuspecting Gisèle Pelicot shopping at the supermarket so that Lionel R could see if he was attracted to her.
Lionel R told the court he had been sexually abused at the age of 12 to 13 by the president of the pétanque club in his village.
Jacques C, 72
A former fire officer who had worked as a truck driver and then owned a pizzeria, Jacques C had been married for 25 years and had two children.
He told the court he denied rape. He said he had been “naive” and he thought that Gisèle Pelicot would wake up and it was a game by the couple.
Jacques C admitted touching Pelicot, but said there had been no penetration and therefore no rape.
Jacques C told the court he considered that his religious education had made him a “giving person” who did good and respected women. He said he loved women “in all their complexity”.
Jean-Pierre M, 63
A former lorry driver for an agricultural cooperative in southern France, Jean-Pierre M is not accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot. Instead, he is accused of using the same technique to drug and rape his own wife, and organising for Pelicot to rape her with him.
Described in court as a “disciple” of Pelicot, he admitted sedating his wife, with whom he had five children, and enlisting Pelicot to rape her.
The two men made contact in the online chatroom called “without her knowledge”. Pelicot is alleged to have provided sedatives to drug the man’s wife, explained the method and travelled to rape the woman himself.
Twelve rapes of Jean-Pierre’s wife are alleged to have taken place between 2015 and 2020. Jean-Pierre told the court that he admitted the charges.
Pelicot admitted raping Jean-Pierre’s wife on several occasions and said he regretted his actions. He said he had cut contact with the couple after Jean-Pierre’s wife woke up during one of the assaults while he was in her bedroom.
The court heard how Jean-Pierre’s childhood in the French countryside was marked by extreme poverty, extreme violence and he was the victim of sexual abuse within his family. “I was raised by pigs in the woods,” he had told his children.
Joan K, 26
A soldier in the French military, Joan K is the youngest man on trial. He was 22 at the time of his alleged raping of Gisèle Pelicot on two separate visits to her home in 2019 and 2020.
He told the court: “I’m a rapist because the law says I am” – but he said he had not intended to rape and “at the time I did not know what consent was”.
He said he had been invited to the couple’s home by Dominique Pelicot for an encounter and had not asked for Gisèle Pelicot’s consent, saying he learned only in prison what consent was.
He said he had found it strange that Gisèle Pelicot was snoring, and that he knew she was unconscious but he had not known that meant she had not consented.
In November 2019, Joan K was absent for the premature birth of his daughter on the night he was accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot for the first time.
Born in French Guiana, he joined his brother in Avignon when he was 16 before enlisting in the army. The court heard he had lived on the streets as a teenager and three of his brothers had died. He lost his army job when he was arrested. He was described by a psychologist as a chronic user of alcohol and cannabis, “depressive, impulsive and solitary”.
Hugues M, 39
A tiler, motorbike enthusiast and father of two, Hugues M is accused of the attempted rape of Gisèle Pelicot a few days before his then girlfriend’s birthday in October 2019. He denies the charge. He said he did not know Gisèle Pelicot was drugged and had not looked at her face, just her body.
His ex-partner Emilie O, 33, who met him online and lived with him for five years, told the court she feared she may have been drugged and sexually assaulted by him herself. “I don’t know if I was raped,” she said. “It’s terrible. I will always have doubts.”
She told the court that one night in 2019 she had woken up to find her partner attempting to assault her. She launched a police complaint, but it was dismissed for “lack of material evidence”. She told the court she had experienced “dizziness” between September 2019 and March 2020, but investigators did not detect any substances that might have affected her at the time.
Husamettin D, 43
A married father who had given up part-time work to care for his disabled son, Husamettin D is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot in June 2019. He denied the charge in court saying: “I don’t accept being called a rapist, I’m not a rapist.”
The court heard that Husamettin D had made contact with Dominique Pelicot in the chatroom and had gone to the Pelicots’ home the same night, telling his own wife he was going out.
Pelicot had told him he was looking for an “Arab” man for his wife – Husamettin, born in Turkey, used the online pseudonym “Karim”.
He admitted that Gisèle Pelicot “seemed dead”, with her leg dangling oddly, but he said he had thought it was a scenario or game and that she was pretending.
He said Dominique Pelicot had said his wife was in agreement. He said he had not known she was drugged.
The court heard that Husamettin D had become addicted to cannabis from the age of 11, and had lived in children’s homes. In 2000, he was convicted for dealing drugs.
Fabien S, 39
A man with 16 previous convictions ranging from armed robbery and drug dealing to domestic violence and sexual assault of a minor, Fabien S said he admitted the charge of raping Gisèle Pelicot in August 2018. But he said he had not gone to the Pelicots’ home with the intention of raping her.
“I didn’t go there to rape her. I didn’t know I was supposed to rape her, but I recognise the facts,” he said, adding he had “not paid attention” to whether or not she had consented.
He said he wasn’t interested in a scenario where a woman was unconscious because he liked to hear women scream. He apologised to Gisèle Pelicot in court.
The court heard that Fabien S allegedly raped Gisèle Pelicot in her dining room. Asked how this was possible, Dominique Pelicot said he had put drugs in her meal and carried her unconscious to the dining room table.
The court heard that Fabien S had been sexually abused by his father from the age of two, then placed in different foster families where he faced further violence and sexual abuse, and that he was admitted to psychiatric care at the age of 16. From 18 to 28 he lived on the streets in Toulon as an alcoholic.
Mathieu D, 53
The father of two had worked as baker for 25 years before having to leave his job because of an intolerance to wheat.
He is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot with Dominique Pelicot on 3 October 2020. He admitted the facts, saying he was high on the drug MDMA at the time and thought it was a game with a married couple.
Mathieu D accepted later that Gisèle Pelicot had not been in a fit state to consent. “I can’t deny it was rape,” he said.
The court heard that Mathieu D’s stepfather had been violent. Mathieu D told investigators he was inspired by Buddhism and “the balance of karmas”.
Andy R, 37
An unemployed agricultural labourer and married father of two, Andy R has two domestic violence convictions and is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot at her home on New Year’s Eve 2018.
He said he did not intend to rape Gisèle Pelicot, telling the court: “As the husband had given me permission, in my mind she agreed to it.”
Andy R arrived at the Pelicots’ home an hour after first making contact online with Dominique Pelicot on New Year’s Eve. He said he had “nothing else to do” that night because his brothers hadn’t invited him to their New Year’s Eve party. He said he had thought it was a sexual “game” between the Pelicots.
The court heard he had been addicted to alcohol since he was 13 or 14, and was a regular user of cocaine.
Simone M, 42
A builder, former soldier and father of five, Simone M lived on the next street to the Pelicots in the village of Mazan. He is the only alleged rapist whom Gisèle Pelicot recognised when she was shown video evidence by police.
She told the court he had come into their living room once to discuss cycling with her husband. “I saw him now and then in the bakery; I would say hello. I never thought he’d come and rape me,” she said.
The former mountain infantryman made contact with Dominique Pelicot in the online chatroom before realising they lived less than 200 metres apart. Simone M lived opposite the tennis club where Dominique Pelicot played. “Things were going badly with my ex-wife, I was looking for love, an encounter to calm myself,” Simone M told the court.
Dominique Pelicot suggested Simone M first come to the house during the day “to see how beautiful my wife is”, adding: “If she asks, say you’ve come to discuss my bike.”
Simone M is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot on the night of 14 November 2018. He denies rape. He said he thought Gisèle Pelicot was only pretending to be asleep and would wake up. “I’m not a rapist,” he told the court.
His ex-wife told the court he had once threatened her with an axe.
Simone M is from New Caledonia, where he grew up. As a teenager he was abused and raped by a man his parents had sent him to live with as a labourer. The court heard he had a complex about his penis size and needed constant reassurance. He had debts and periods of alcoholism.
He has a 15-month-old daughter with his current partner, who told the court she stands by him.
Thierry Po, 61
A refrigeration specialist and father of three from Bouches-du-Rhône in southern France, Thierry Po is also charged with possession of hundreds of child abuse images found on a USB stick after his arrest for the alleged rape of Gisèle Pelicot. He admits those charges but denies raping Gisèle Pelicot on 21 August 2020.
He said hadn’t seen anything abnormal about the night he went to the Pelicots’ home, believing he was meeting a couple. “I always thought Mrs Pelicot would wake up,” he said. “She wasn’t cold, she wasn’t dead, her skin was soft.”
He said he had not sought Gisèle Pelicot’s consent because he had lots of experience of encounters with couples when it was mostly the man who gave consent for the woman. He said he had had three “major” previous experiences where a husband had invited him to have sex with a wife and “she’ll be asleep, she doesn’t want to know, we’ll film it”. In one case, the woman had woken up. In two cases, he had left without seeing the women’s faces. He said he couldn’t tell if those women had been asleep or not.
He told the court: “After I leave prison, I’d like to create an association to get men like me to understand that consent is important. I’d go to swingers’ clubs and say: “Don’t forget to get consent!”
Jérôme V, 46
The former grocery store worker and father of three is one of the few accused men who admit the charges of raping Gisèle Pelicot with the knowledge that she was drugged. He told the expert psychiatrist in the case that he was aware she had not consented.
He allegedly went to the Pelicots’ home six times between March and June 2020 to rape her during the first Covid lockdown in France. A volunteer in the fire service, he lived 30 minutes’ drive away.
He told the court: “I didn’t keep going back because rape mode was my thing, but because I couldn’t control my sexuality.” He said he was at first attracted by the idea of having an inert body at his disposal and being free to act however he wanted.
He said his life was defined by sexual urges, and he was regularly unfaithful to partners because they “couldn’t meet my demands” and he tried extreme practices to break the “monotony”. He said he paid “less and less” attention to his partners.
Jérôme V said he was addicted to sex and that Pelicot took advantage of that. In court, looking over at Gisèle Pelicot, he said he was ashamed “to have done bad to someone who seems so pure”. At his home, a list of 89 names of sexual partners were found. “I needed to count my conquests,” he said.
His current partner told the court she stood by him and visited him regularly in prison.
He said he was never supported or protected by his parents. He was bullied at school and once forcibly stripped in public by other pupils at high school.
Thierry Pa, 54
A former builder who turned to alcohol when his 18-year-old son died in a road collision, Thierry Pa was an inpatient on a psychiatric ward after suffering from depression when investigators identified him as allegedly raping Gisèle Pelicot several months earlier in 2020.
He had separated from his wife a few weeks before his alleged rape of Gisèle Pelicot in July 2020 and had left his family home, saying he was unable to bear the photographs and memories of his son.
He said he had contacted Dominique Pelicot online for an encounter with a couple. He denied rape, saying: “I didn’t set out from my house saying: ��I’m going to rape someone.’” He said: “I don’t understand how she didn’t feel anything, didn’t realise.” He said he thought Pelicot may have drugged him, and that he was manipulated and brainwashed by Pelicot.
His ex-wife told the court the alleged rape was out of character. She said she would like to get back together with him.
The court heard that Thierry Pa’s mother was an alcoholic and his father was often absent.
Adrien L, 34
Adrien L, a former building site manager from Carpentras, was convicted last year of the rapes of three former partners in a different trial and is serving a 14-year jail sentence.
He denied raping Gisèle Pelicot in March 2014. He said he had thought he was taking part in a game and did not think she was drugged.
Aged 23 at the time of the alleged rape of Gisèle Pelicot, he is one of the youngest men on trial. He was educated at private school before joining his father’s successful building business, and was described as coming from a higher-income background than many of the other men accused.
He told the court that when he was 21 he discovered after a paternity test that he was not the biological father of the three-year-old girl he was raising with his girlfriend. He said from that point onwards, “I had a hatred towards women”.
The night he was alleged to have raped Gisèle Pelicot, his new girlfriend was nine months pregnant and gave birth 10 days later. He admitted to court experts that he had mistreated his pregnant girlfriend and called her a whore.
The court heard that he was sexually abused by a cousin when he was 10.
Jean T, 52
A former roofer born on the French Indian Ocean island of Réunion, Jean T was in a nine-year relationship when he drove two-and-a-half hours from Lyon to allegedly rape Gisèle Pelicot in her bed on the night of 21 September 2018.
He had made contact with Dominique Pelicot in the chatroom, where he used the name “Bill”.
He told the court: “I am not a rapist”. He said he thought Dominique Pelicot had drugged him. “I don’t remember anything,” he said.
In court, he recalled many details of the evening, including the house, the rules of undressing in the kitchen and seeing Gisèle Pelicot on the bed. But he told the court he had no memory of the actual moment of his alleged rape of Pelicot, and recalled only getting into his car afterwards when he drove home.
Judges observed that he had not appeared drugged in seven videos, in which he was active and gave a thumbs-up sign. He was asked why, if he feared he had been drugged, he did not report this to police. He said at the time he had thought: “It was a bad encounter, forget about it.”
The court heard he had regularly sought encounters with couples for more than a decade and had paid sex workers but “it felt dirty”.
Redouan E, 55
A former anaesthesia nurse in hospital operating theatres in Morocco, Redouan E lived in Avignon, where he worked as a community nurse.
He was married for the second time and in the process of adopting a young girl from Morocco. He was disappointed that the adoption process was stopped after he was arrested for allegedly raping Gisèle Pelicot at her home on a Saturday night in June 2019.
Redouan E told the court: “I plead not guilty.” He denied rape, saying he was the “victim of a trick” and had been too “terrified” of Dominique Pelicot to say no. Confronted with video evidence of several alleged rapes of Gisèle Pelicot, he said: “I was terrified, but you can’t see it.” He said he did not leave because he feared that would ruin Pelicot’s Saturday night.
He said he had not known Gisèle Pelicot was sedated. Asked in court, how, as a trained aneasthesia nurse, he had not seen that Gisèle Pelicot was unconscious, he said he thought she was pretending to be dead “but never that she’d been drugged”, and he believed he saw her move.
Patrick A, 60
A former factory worker and video-club owner from the Alpes-de-Haute-Provence, Patrick A admitted the charge of raping Gisèle Pelicot but said he had taken part reluctantly because he was gay and had wanted an encounter with Dominique Pelicot, not his wife.
Patrick A met Dominique Pelicot in the online chatroom and they messaged on Skype, where Pelicot told him Gisèle Pelicot was a “prudish bitch who didn’t want threesomes” and said: “I’m looking for a pervert accomplice to abuse my wife, she takes sleeping pills and I take advantage.” Patrick A had replied: “OK.”
He told the court he had wanted so much to have a gay encounter with Dominique Pelicot that he was blinded by it and brainwashed. He said he raped Gisèle Pelicot “reluctantly” to “please” Dominique Pelicot. He questioned whether he may have been drugged.
“You are homosexual but you have committed a heterosexual rape, which you admit,” said Antoine Camus, Gisèle Pelicot’s lawyer. “In this trial we have already heard of rapes committed ‘by accident’, your specificity is to plead rape committed ‘reluctantly’.”
Patrick A apologised in court. He told the court he had known he was gay from his teenage years but sought to hide it from his homophobic parents. He married a woman, had two children and after divorcing at 43 regularly met men for sex in saunas and backrooms of sex-shops in the Avignon region, and truck-drivers in motorway laybys.
Didier S, 68
A former long-distance lorry driver and divorced father of two, Didier S said he went to Dominique Pelicot’s house “exclusively for a homosexual encounter” with him. He denied the charge of raping Gisèle Pelicot on 30 January 2019. He said he had thought she was pretending to be asleep.
In court, he said he had had no intention to rape Gisèle Pelicot and was simply following her husband’s instructions. “It’s not me you should be angry with, it’s your husband,” he told Gisèle Pelicot in court, trying to catch her eye. She turned away.
He lived a 20-minute drive away, had logged on to the chatroom at 8pm one night, and two hours later went to the Pelicots’ home.
Five years earlier he underwent bladder and prostate surgery for cancer and had begun meeting men. The court heard he was raped when he was 16.
Karim S, 40
A computer expert with two university degrees, Karim S denied raping Gisèle Pelicot on 27 June 2020. He is also charged with possessing child abuse imagery found on his computer during the investigation. He denied those charges, saying he downloaded the images “inadvertently”.
He told the court of the night he went to the Pelicots’ home: “I did not go there with the aim of committing a crime and I had absolutely no idea that Mrs Pelicot was not consenting.” Messages between him and Pelicot showed them discussing Gisèle Pelicot in crude terms, referring to her not being aware of what was going on. Karim S had been told that Gisèle Pelicot would be “asleep from alcohol and a sleeping tablet” but he said he had thought it was a game.
Dominique Pelicot, who told Karim he was a doctor, invited him back in August. Karim said he feigned food poisoning as an excuse because the June encounter had been “too bizarre for me”.
He grew up in Marseille and had moved to a picturesque village half an hour’s drive from Mazan just before the Covid lockdowns of 2020.
Vincent C, 42
Vincent C, a carpenter, was convicted of domestic violence against his ex-partner in 2021 and given a six-month suspended sentence. The court heard he had had an alcohol addiction since he was a teenager.
He is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot at her home on two occasions in October 2019 and January 2020. He denies rape. He admitted a sexual encounter but said he had had no intention of committing rape. He said he had thought Gisèle Pelicot would wake up.
He met Dominique Pelicot in the chatroom after a postcode search on the site to find people nearby. He tended to log on after his village bistro closed on a Saturday night.
“I was looking for sex,” he said, adding that he had not put much thought into it. He said he found the situation in the Pelicots’ bedroom “bizarre” but trusted the fact that he was “at a couple’s home, invited by the husband”. He said he felt no pleasure himself, but went back a second time because Dominique Pelicot had told him that he and Gisèle Pelicot had “enjoyed it”. Pelicot said Gisèle Pelicot had watched a video of his first visit and “liked it”, which for him, “closed the door on any doubt”, he said. He said he felt he had “satisfied” the Pelicots more than himself.
During his testimony, Gisèle Pelicot got up and briefly left the courtroom, appearing exasperated.
Jean-Marc L, 74
Describing himself as a former “international truck-driver between Paris and Baghdad”, the divorced grandfather is the oldest of the accused men.
He denied raping Gisèle Pelicot in May 2017. He said he had always thought that rape was “something violent … done by a madman, a brutal thing”, but that this had instead been a “sexual game”. He told the court he had only “obeyed orders” from Dominique Pelicot. He said: “She was going to wake up because it was a game.”
It was only after he left the house that he thought about whether Gisèle Pelicot had consented. He didn’t alert the police. “I should have done but it didn’t cross my mind.”
He said Dominique Pelicot, whom he had met beforehand in a supermarket car park, had told him he wanted to “punish” his wife for having had an affair in the past.
He said Pelicot asked him to come back another time “with a friend”, which he didn’t do, after mentioning it to another truck driver who said it wasn’t normal.
Jean-Marc L said he had often paid sex workers in Spain. “What truck driver hasn’t been to prostitutes?” he said in court.
Dominique D, 45
Dominique D, a lorry driver and former soldier, said he was contacted via the online chatroom in February 2015 by Dominique Pelicot, who said he was looking for a man as a “gift” for his wife “for Valentine’s Day”.
Dominique D is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot on six different occasions. Police found video evidence of five visits to the Pelicots’ house, but he told them of one further visit.
He denied rape, saying he had not intended to rape anyone. He told the court: “I didn’t wake up one morning and say to myself hey, today I’m going to go to a couple’s house and commit a crime.”
He said that before going to the Pelicots’ home for the first time in 2015, he had asked to see Gisèle Pelicot and was sent a video of her taken without her knowledge as she left the shower. He also briefly visited the home pretending to be an electrician and saw Gisèle Pelicot reading on the sofa. He said he felt he had enough guarantees from Dominique Pelicot, adding “I just forgot one big guarantee – Madame’s consent.”
He is the youngest of 16 children and was placed in care at the age of six months.
Mohamed R, 70
Mohamed R, a former discotheque worker from La Rochelle who in 1999 was sentenced to five years in prison for raping his 17-year-old daughter, is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot in May 2019 at the holiday cottage of the Pelicots’ daughter, Caroline, on the island of Île-de-Ré in the west of France.
Mohamed R denied raping Gisèle Pelicot. He told the court: “I couldn’t imagine for a fraction of a second that Dominique Pelicot did that without his wife knowing.” He had been in contact with Dominique Pelicot via the online chatroom.
Dominique Pelicot was asked in court why he had drugged and raped Gisèle Pelicot not just at the couple’s own home but at their daughter’s holiday home, where the Pelicots often went with their grandchildren. The couple’s daughter and grandchildren were not at the cottage at the time.
Pelicot said: “There was no symbolism, it could have happened anywhere.”
Ahmed T, 54
Ahmed T, a plumber and former champion boxer married for more than 30 years with three children, is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot at the couple’s home in June 2019. He denied rape and told the court: “I’m not a rapist, but if I had wanted to rape I wouldn’t have chosen a 57-year-old woman, I would have chosen a pretty one.”
He was in contact with Dominique Pelicot on a chat room, saying that at the time he was having less sex with his wife and he “did not want a mistress” but thought “why not” have an encounter with a couple. He said Dominique Pelicot had referred to Gisèle Pelicot as “la bourgeoise”, saying she was away a lot in Paris and home at weekends. He said he had thought Gisèle Pelicot must have been shy, and that he had trusted her husband.
Ahmed T said he travelled to the couple’s home by car after his own wife had gone to bed.
Redouane A, 40
Redouane A, an unemployed, separated father of four who has convictions for domestic violence, burglary and death threats and has served time in prison, went to the Pelicots’ home twice in 2019.
He denied rape. He said he had asked Dominique Pelicot if it was normal that Gisèle Pelicot was snoring and had been told: “Yes, we like doing it like that.”
He described the Pelicots’ home as “a beautiful house in Provence” with a “well-kept garden”.
He said he grew up on a housing estate, began smoking cannabis at 10 and was the victim of sexual abuse at this age, by an old man he met in the park who took him to his van. He left school at 16.
The question was raised in court of a possible diagnosis of schizophrenia, with one psychiatrist saying he instead had a personality disorder.
Mahdi D, 36
Mahdi D, a transport worker and father of one from Avignon, is accused of going to the Pelicots’ home once in October 2018.
He denied rape. He placed the responsibility on Dominique Pelicot, who he said had presented himself online as part of a couple who wanted to meet single men.
Mahdi D said of Gisèle Pelicot: “One can’t imagine what she has been through, she has been destroyed and I have thoughts not only for that poor woman but her whole entourage and family.” He said it was “terrible” for him to find himself caught up in something like this.
Cyril B, 47
Cyril B, a single lorry driver who described himself as a daily consumer of cannabis, is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot at her home in November 2018. He was recorded by Dominique Pelicot in a video called “With Cyril from Carpentras.”
He denied rape and said he had been manipulated and was not capable of committing a rape. He said he was also a victim of the situation, as he had been duped by Dominique Pelicot, whom he had met on an online chatroom.
He told the court he had previously had encounters with couples he met via websites.
Cyprien C, 43
Cyprien C, a former lorry driver and father of one, is accused of raping Gisèle Pelicot in her bed in Mazan in 2017.
He denied rape. During cross-examination, he accepted a sexual encounter had taken place and said he was sorry to Gisèle Pelicot but that he could “not say more than that”. He did not say the word rape, telling the court “I can’t say that it’s rape”, arguing that Dominique Pelicot had led him to believe that Gisèle Pelicot was playing a role in a game and “would pretend to be asleep”.
The court heard he grew up in children’s homes and foster families and later suffered from alcohol addiction as an adult.
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ms-demeanor · 3 months ago
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Maybe this is a silly question to ask about a podcast that 1) isn't fiction and 2) has hundreds of episodes, BUT. Do you have a favorite Knowledge Fight episode? Or maybe, idk, a favorite 'era' or type of episodes? A friend sent me a playlist of all the ones covering the Sandy Hook lawsuits - man those formulaic objections eps are fun! - and I've just finished listening to the last one on the list. So I guess I'm looking for recs on what to listen to next?
The whole formulaic objections series is good, i like the ones where they discuss Alex as a guest on Joe Rogan's Podcast, episode 25 about Dennis Montgomery is a good early example of Dan's research habits (episode 26 has the 4 ways to learn which is, like, foundational knowledge fight lore), Ep 392 about January 24th 2020 gets into a foundational thing for the covid info that will follow ("it's over for humanity, there will only be lone survivors" - they were VERY VERY worried about what they later decided was overblown) the responses to the court cases (602, 714, 715) that aren't formulaic objections are ALSO good, the episode about Bill Ayers (168) on infowars is really good, the episode about chompsky on Infowars is good (should pop up if you search chompsky in their episode list, 404 "Mr. Jones goes to CPAC" is good, and I like all of the multi-episode series about the documentaries. I like the episode when Jordan comes back to the US after the unite the right rally too - one thing I like in most podcasts I listen to is the leadup to and aftermath of big events, so I end up listening to November 2019 - September 2020 pretty intently across podcasts and knowledge fight is no different, they did good coverage of the way people were covering the Many Events of 2020.
I'm on my third full listen through and my podcast app shows that I've spent 4001.2 hours listening so far (I listen to everything at 2-2.5x speed) and I think they really start getting very very good after they kick off the formulaic objections. The early stuff is also good but they're also both excitable and more willing to jump to conclusions (I'm on about episode sixty right now and Dan is willing to make guesses about stuff in his time travel episodes and assert things that I don't think he would these days.)
I really like most of the "chatting with" episodes where they're talking to another person who researches in a similar space and I usually really appreciate Jordan's interviews but sometimes he's just too left for a more center guest and it becomes too awkward for me to listen to (I have to skip the Brian Stelter episode - I understand why Jordan interviews the way that he does and TBH I approve, I just can't listen to it).
If you're looking for another playlist to get started I'd say try episodes 130A-130E, which is the breakdown of the endgame documentary.
If you decide to start listening and you are coming across wacky wednesday episodes and finding yourself bored, just skip them and you won't be missing out.
(it may be a silly question to ask most people but it's not a silly question to ask me because I *DO* have my favorites out of nearly a thousand episodes of a nonfiction podcast about alex jones).
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enha-sua · 4 months ago
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( 𝓓rabble ) enchanted to meet you ̨ ! ୨୧ 一 수승 version ՞
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⸃ ⸰ ⌁ heeseung always knew he liked you , but this is where everything solidified for him  ヾ
time ・ september 2020 p. sua ・ heeseung ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ fluff ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・ ‎talks of self doubt , tooth rotten fluff‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ wc ・ ‎0.7k ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ sunghoon's version
「 ୨୧ authors note 」 sunghoon is next and it's a time jump , im excited to show you guys this <3 ...
「 heesuhoon's love story masterlist 𖹭 」
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heeseung remembers when sua first walked through the doors of the i-land building; he along with everyone else was confused, but he couldn't help but smile when she shyly introduced herself.
heeseung believes that one time was enough to prove that he really liked the girl. he watched her go through it all; he watched her get first place, comforted her when she went got last place — hell he even cried when she got sent to the ground ; safe to say they built a strong friendship with each other, heeseung growing to like the girl more than he should've.
now that the show was slowly coming to end; down to the final few contestants, heeseung had a lot on his mind. would he win? was he good enough? would he be a good idol? — not only was he thinking about his future; he couldn't help but think about the girl became so fond of. would she make it? he knew she was good enough , and she would make the most perfect idol in his eyes; but what would happen with their relationship? he knew it would be difficult enough dealing with the pressure of being a girl in a group, should he really put more stress on her with this silly crush? what if fans caught on to his crush and began to hate on her?
“what's on your mind?” he came out of his daze , she was sitting down next to him in the practice room , cameras finally not rolling, everyone off doing what they were doing. “i was practicing in the other room , i was coming to ask if you wanted to practice with me , but everyone told me you were in here.” he smiled as she plopped down next to him. “so here i am.”
“im fine.” he said. “just thinking.” the girl nodded. “about?” he shrugged. “a lot , the show ending soon, how will it go? stuff like that.” she nodded. “well i think you'll get in.” she said , her chin propped up on her knees as she looked at him. “really?” he asked. “why wouldn't you , you're the best person here , i’d be surprised if you did , i’d probably go on social media and call sabotage.” he laughed. “anonymously of course , i still want to be a idol after this.”
“do you not think you'll get in?” she shrugged. “everyone is working so hard , and i didn’t really come here with as much skill as a lot of the other contestants.” he frowned hearing her talk down on herself. “i've learned a lot so if i don't make it here , maybe i can keep training.” she said. “hey.” he stopped her. “if you talk like that it will only get inside your head , and make you do unwell.” he said. “you're a trained singer for god sake , if anything you earned your spot with that alone , and you've improved the most with your dancing , you'd be the best idol.” she smiled , pouting her bottom lip making the boys heart pound. “you're gonna make me cry.” he laughed , making her laugh.
they sat in silence for a while , the girl resting her head on his shoulders , he was grateful the cameras weren't rolling because his mic would definitely pick up on his heart beating a mile a minute. “what if we both make it?” she finally spoke up. “that would be the best,” he said. “it would wouldn't it , we'd perform together , live together.” she laughed. “i could annoy you 24/7.”
he should do it now; confess to she. it was perfect in his eyes — but what if she rejected him? then he ruined a perfect friendship; or what if she does accept his confession? and what if they both make it? how would they navigate their relationship with the new introduction into the idol world , they couldn't just come out and date , people would be upset for sure , two rookies dating and are in the same group? he could see the headlines now. “hey.”
she was now standing up. “let's go get something to eat.” she said. “we can think about all that once we start picking up filming again , let's not stress for once.” he nodded , standing up. “you're right.” she linked arms with the boy. “let's go , i think i saw jay cooking ramen , if we go now i can make him cook it for us.” he laughed. “besides his talents , he'd also be a good fit for the group, don't you think? a group needs structure.” he nodded, smiling.
“someone needs to be able to handle your level of crazy , jay is probably the number one candidate for that , even i can't do that.”
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©ENHA-SUA
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