#but while I don't keep up with it anymore - it did result in me creating her

[oneiricazalea]

Happy 5th birthday to my dear OC, Sei ♥

[fayevalcntine]

The thing about Louis's relationship with Claudia is that, yes it's not on the same level of Armand and Lestat's, but you're making a mistake in even equating the latter two in some way. One is her maker, the man who was also her parent, who failed in parenting her and taking care of her emotionally (even when he severely rejected turning her before giving in), who abused her physically and emotionally, while the other is a coven master who never promised her any support or protection in the first place and took part in hazing a vampire who is the equivalent of a child to his age (and I don't say this to excuse his behavior).

Louis's relationship with Claudia also isn't just marred by parental neglect when he's also in the same line of men who put his hand around her neck. He physically abused her the same way Lestat first did, and for that he even threatened to tear Lestat's head off, yet in a moment of turmoil, didn't hesitate to replicate it. But even taking that aside, the parental neglect is severe on both his and Lestat's end. During the opening scene of 1.05, Louis makes no mention (in past scenes) of knowing she was self-harming, yet Lestat mentions she self-harmed for attention during the trial. So who exactly knew? Was it both of them? And even if Louis didn't know, it's pretty blatant within the symbolism itself in 1.05 that he takes part in this neglect until cops knock on their door over the dead bodies found as a result of Claudia's instability. They both avoid confronting the issue until they literally can't anymore, and even then, their argument turns from yelling at her to yelling at each other. Same thing that happens later in the ending fight scene: even in these horrible moments of conflict, she's never the center of it even if her wants and needs are in the beginning of it.

This is what she means when she tells Louis that she's been "a third, all my life". Even when Louis promises "it's you and me", it doesn't end that way. Even if he's conspiring with Armand to keep control of the coven for her, or trying to twist his relationship around into having more control for her, none of it ends up centering her and what she wants. This is true even when it comes down to her being turned: Louis drags her body around like a lifeless doll while dangling the promise of never leaving Lestat to him just so he can agree to turn her. Even if they considered the consequences of turning her, it didn't matter because Lestat ended up doing it anyway. In this, Claudia is angry at both of them because from her perspective, when exactly was she prioritized as the daughter? When Louis wanted her turned for the sake of dampening down his guilt? When Lestat turned her for the sake of keeping Louis close? When both of them ignored the glaring issue of her emotional instability and loneliness? When she nursed Louis back to health only for her abusive parent to still be let back in the house? When even in his supposed self-sacrifice, Louis hurls "go sit with your choices!" at her? And this doesn't even touch upon the diaries and Louis's need to editorialize them to alleviate his guilt, when they're the last remains of her existence.

Louis didn't orchestrate the trial or sit in as witness testifying against her, but he feels guilty over her destiny all the same, because he's directly responsible for when she was turned ("created") in the first place. It's not about the men he chose "over her" or even just how his own parenting mirrors that of his family's treatment of him. "Hey, it's not on you. You hear me? I carried her home. I made you turn her. And saved her from a fire… so a half century later she could…" - this line isn't him simply absolving Lestat from his guilt over her life/death, it's him expressing his own guilt and viewed culpability in how he failed her.

[greentrickster]

Starting a new thread for the Great God Airplane AU (on the usual grounds (ie the original thread was getting Long)), because I've got more to say about it, because I'm me.

Was thinking about how having access to his god!memories would potentially effect Shang Qinghua, and I'm a little surprised to find that I don't think it'd make much difference, at least in this AU. I think the main, most noticeable change would honestly be that he's a lot calmer afterwards. The surprising part is that this isn't because he's not afraid of getting hurt or because he's got OP god powers or anything now, but simply because of how long he's been doing all this.

Like, one of the key features of Airplane's lives seems to be that he's always kinda hanging on by his fingernails when it comes to surviving, keeping up, managing to get by. He's busy busy busy all the time, and as a result of this he's not really aware of how impressive any of the stuff he does really is, because he's never had the time to really sit back and internalize it.

But that's what he finally got when he arrived in this world as a newly divine being with a perfect memory of both everything he'd written and his original outline, and only the instructions 'create it the way you wanted it to be.'

And he did.

He spent years upon decades upon centuries slowly, carefully crafting his world from the ground up, putting as much or as little thought into every single piece as he wanted to, no rush, no deadline, no obligations to anyone or anything but himself. The ability to lose himself in the pleasure of creation, consequence-free, the time to step back and take in everything he's made so far. Anything he needs, anything he wants, he can have, he can make, from snacks to assistants to handle the details he doesn't want to do but which the world needs in order to function, and in order to hold the story he wants it to tell.

And with all that time and experience came the gradual, quiet gaining of confidence. Because he's been doing all this for such a long time that not only the ability but the knowledge of having that ability has sunk deep into his bones. The ability to look at a task and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he's capable of doing it and more.

Shang Qinghua still flusters and laughs and complains and grumbles and thirsts (oh how he thirsts), but instead of a basis of fear that he'll be overwhelmed and crushed beneath the demand, it's on a basis of 'if push comes to shove, he's up to the job.'

It takes him a little bit to notice this change in himself and, once he does, I think he goes and cries a little bit. Because his human memories are the predominant ones at the moment, so it's a strange, shocky sort of relief to suddenly realize that "Oh. I really am good enough. I've always been good enough. I don't have to be afraid that I'm not anymore."

In contrast, I think the thing he has the most fun with is that now, if one of his martial siblings is being a pain about budgets or something, he can go, "You know what, maybe I should just go back to Heaven and let you deal with all this! I could be eating celestial melon seeds right now while writing wildly self-indulgent danmei between organizing my files, but instead I'm down here, dealing with the fact that you can't manage a simple monthly budget! Because, you know, one of these things sounds a whole lot more fun than the other-!!!"

And then his martial siblings get to go, "You know what, on second thought I was being unreasonable, maybe I should see if there's something else I could do to fix this problem instead of just trying to make you fix it..."

[justanoasisimagines]

Sparks fly (1/?)

Summary; Y/N "Sparks" Potter is the twin sister of James Potter. After the first Wizarding War she struggled after losing her twin, Lily, Sirius and Harry. As Dumledore refused to allow her to get custody. With the Dark Lord rising, she's done lurking in the shadows. This is her story. Pairing; Eventual Remus Lupin x Female Reader WordCount; 1,525 Warnings; Mentions of grief, mentions of Snape's bullying, Angst and fluff, use of Y/N A/N; Reader goes by Sparks Requests are open! Credit to @cafekitsune for the banner and the divider

With the Dark Lord risen a choice was to be made; what was easy and what was right. Too many had joined the darkness he spread. Yet the light was brighter. Eventually, they won but at a great cost.

Those who survived the first Wizarding War struggled with haunting memories, which often crept into their dreams creating horrific night terrors.

Y/N "Sparks" Potter was no different. She'd fought hard and valiantly, side by side with her twin brother and her friends. On the thirty-first of October Nineteen eighty-one, the Dark Lord was defeated by her nephew nonetheless, yet while he survived he felt the need to grieve for him too.

Professor Dumble had refused her custody. He'd attempted to reason with her. According to Dumbledore, it was in Harry's best interest to keep him away from the Wizarding World. Yet Y/N believed there were better options. Why would Dumbledore leave him to a couple who despised magic? Who hated his parents. She could see no good reason why Harry should be left with them.

After Sirius's arrest, she couldn't take anymore.

With her spark diminished, Y/N sunk into the shadows. She couldn't handle any more pain and sadness. She'd lost friends, and her family, and one of her best friends had been an accessory to their death. Her nephew being taken from her grasp was enough.

She couldn't handle the betrayal. She'd been fiercely loyal to Dumbledore and Sirius. Knowing because of them Harry wouldn't be able to recognize her in the years to come. Y/N "Sparks" Potter went underground.

"How can you be so certain she will show up?" Sirius stood in the kitchen of his childhood home, a hand resting on his hip.

"I don't. However, you were not there when she begged Dumbledore to allow her custody of Harry. I was. It took her three years to let me know where she was."

"So you agree, we can't guarantee."

"She will trust me"

"At least one of you trusts me." Sirius and Remus's heads snapped towards the doorway. There she was. Older and the bags under her eyes suggested she had not slept properly in days. For the first time in over a decade, the three of them were in the same room. Remus was the first to react, engulfing her in a warm and familiar embrace.

The two had seen each other only a couple of days ago, yet that was a couple of days too long in their opinion. When they pulled away, she kept him at arm's length, examining him closely.

"Are you looking after yourself? She asked. Remus nodded but the skeptical expression she maintained was welcomed. She'd always worried about him too much.

"I'm fine, you worry too much"

"You would do the same for me."

"You both worry too much. Hello Sparks." Remus stepped aside allowing the two to get a good glimpse at each other. Sirius took a gingerly step forward as did Y/N. Suddenly it became chess. For every step one made the other matched.

Until at last they were both face to face. Looks of familiarity were exchanged. Many conversations needed to be had but they could wait. Sirius opened his arms; an opening an invitation.

The floodgates opened as emotions rushed forward. Both searching for unspoken comfort. Both had lost so much as a result of the first battle. None of them were no longer excited about entering adulthood. They were adults who were tired and tested for the harshness of the world.

Remus gazed upon the two fondly. Finally, the two had been reunited and soon everyone would be reunited at last.

"I'm done hiding Sirus. History can't repeat itself."

"I wouldn't really blame you if you'd stayed away. I know what you lost"

"Is Harry already here?" Sirius observed her eyes soften. Harry was none the wiser today his life would change. Today he would gain another piece of his family. Another warrior ready to fight for him. To protect him at all costs.

"No, the order has gone to retrieve him. He'll be arriving shortly. However, there's something you need to know." Sirius then proceeded to inform her of the Ministry's latest tactic. Harry was now being used as a political pawn in the constant back and forth between Dumbledore and Fudge.

"The longer Fudge is in denial, the more power he gives. Surely Fudge understands that."

"He's scared, Sparks. Sometimes it's easier to turn a blind eye than face the truth." Remus replied as they all glanced at each other, full with contemplation.

"So what can we do?"

"Focus on Harry and recruiting. If he wants a fight we're going to give it to him."

Sitting around the long table, examining the array of faces. Some were familiar others were those of strangers. She glanced down, picking at the skin around her nails, a habit she'd picked up whenever she was anxious. She struggled to pay attention to the influx of information.

There was no time to paddle in the shallow end.

An arm draped over the back of her chair. She didn't need to look up to know who it belonged. One of Remus's qualities was subtly, He knew how to comfort someone without saying a word. A smile was exchanged between the two of them as she relaxed into the chair, leaning into his arm.

"The prodigal twin has finally returned. Tell me, have you finally decided to claim your nephew" Severus goaded. She'd expected this from him. Their relationship in the past had been muddled in conflict. They'd been friends against her brother's wishes, but after he called Lily a mudblood, she couldn't stand by and allow it. She distanced herself shortly after that.

"Snivellus"

"Sirius don't"

"He can't speak to you like that."

"Are you going to stop me?"

"Are you two seriously still behaving like this? None of us are children anymore! I had the opportunity to be an Aunt taken away from me. Dumbledore told me it wasn't safe. I put trust in the man I know. All the while feeling betrayed. I'd lost the chance to watch Harry grow up. Up until the moment I held Harry in my arms for the first time, I'd never known what it was like to love someone unconditionally."

"Sparks you don't have to explain" Sirius replied.

"Don't I? Severus is only saying what people are probably thinking. When I heard Sirius was on his way to kill Harry I made sure I was close by. Even opened up a bookstore in Hogsmeade. Last year, I attended every single one of his tasks. Having to lurk in the shadows while evil attempted to take my nephew from me. Do you have any idea what it was like to stare at him and see my brother looking back at me? All I've had for the past fourteen years is knowledge given to me by others. So if anyone dares to believe I would allow anyone to hurt him then-"

Suddenly everyone was looking at the door. Y/N turned her head to see Harry standing in the doorway. Harry was James's double. Like looking at a photo.

"So you're my Aunt?" She nodded in response, as Sirius beckoned him into the room. People excused themselves, allowing them some privacy.

The silence was awkward. No one knew what to say, yet the energy was charged.

"How much did you hear?" Sirius questioned.

"All of it. Why would Dumbledore do that? Does he know how cruel the Dursleys are?"

"Dumbledore did what he thought was right. I need you to know, I would have raised you in a heartbeat."

"This is a lot to take in." Harry looked down. In the past few hours, his life had spun like a timeturner. He didn't know what to think, but he always desired to have someone to care about him. From her speech, it generally felt like his Aunt cared.

"If you have any questions, you can ask them. I'll answer them and if I can't I'm sure Remus and Sirius can help."

"Sirius called you Sparks earlier. That's the other name on the Marauders map. Why Sparks?" All three of them laughed amongst each other, a nickname which had stuck. For the most ridiculous of reasons.

"Someone over here is awake from the moment their eyes open. So we nicknamed her Sparks because the second she opens her eyes a spark is lit."

"Are you an animagus?"

"Yeah someone had to keep this lot in line. My animagus is a wolf. I've heard yours is a stag. Just like your Dads"

"Am I anything like him? My Dad"

"The way I see it, you're the perfect combination of two people I loved. Fiercely protective of your friends, a rule breaker and stubborn like your Dad. Meanwhile, your ability to be uncannily kind that's your mother's heart. She was kind to everyone even if they didn't deserve it." She leaned over and placed her hand on top of Harry's with a gentle smile.

As events would soon unfold, friendships would be tested. Love would blossom between old friends. The Dark Lord would attempt to overtake the Wizarding World again. Again he would face those brave enough to stand against him.

[dickheadcanons]

Your brain is literally gynormous. Do you think Damian's and Dick's relationship is paternal? Because, as someone who has actually had to raise their sibling (do not recommend) it looks more like a guy that had too much in his plate trying to be the best caregiver he could, but not really being a parent, if that makes sense. I feel like the idea of him wanting to adopt him feels like kind of a retcon, couldn't really see it in the og run. But of course, it could be because it's not exactly the same as my experience (abusive father, incapable mother, yknow the drill). What do you think? All your posts are so good.

Also while you're at it, what do you think of Dick as a parent? Some elseworlds have played with the concept, and main continuity did something too with Olivia but T*m Tayl*r fucked that up too. I also wonder how Damian would be as a dad, but I don't think I've ever seen any stories with it.

omg anon thank you and thank you for asking!! this is literally one of my favorite topics!! i was thinking about making a post on this and now you gave me the excuse for it!!

Long story short, I don't think that “parental” is a binary thing. I mean, I know several bio-parents who are just guys with too much on their plates, trying to be the best they can, you know? And people can see parent figures in all kinds of relationships that aren’t blood or traditional moms/dads, especially with people who didn't know each other from birth. There are a million ways to be parented, and a million ways to act as a parent.

The way I think about it is, is Dick Damain's John Grayson? No, I don't think so.

But is Dick Damian's Bruce Wayne? Yes. Totally. Absolutely.

More under the cut bc I have a lot of thoughts.

I think to talk about Dick and Damian, we have to start with Dick and Bruce. So much about Dick and Damian is a reflection of the original Dynamic Duo, and I think that's very much the case with this element as well. From the start of their very long comic history, Dick and Bruce have been dancing around their relationship. We get early comics that say they're "like" father and son, we have Bruce saying he couldn't care about Dick more than if he was Bruce's son, but we also have places where they call each other their best friends, where they act more like brothers, etc etc.

When it comes to who our parents are, I think there is the responsibility, and the result. Certain people have the responsibility, the duty, to be our parents, and sometimes (because death or illness or being shitty people), they aren't able to meet those responsibilities. That never removes the responsibility; they don't stop being the parent. But they aren't able to create the result of us becoming good stable adults. That's where other people can step in, where the parental figure appears, and those are the people that we actually point to when we say "they made me the person I am today."

In fandom, we see a lot of Dick not wanting Bruce to replace his father, of him asking not to be adopted. I think this is a fine characterization that works with who Dick is, but Bruce is actually the one to say that he is not going to replace Dick's father. He says it completely unprompted, too. This is withholding the responsibility of being Dick's parent from Bruce, keeping him at a distance and reserving it as an honor for someone who can't hold it anymore, even as Bruce demands responsibility for literally everything else about Dick.

And I think that it's very telling of what Bruce's idea of a father is. The thing about having a dead parent at a young age is that the person of your parents is still tangled in the role of parent in your life; Mom is mom, not Martha, and because she's dead, the image of both Martha and "mom" is frozen. For Bruce, the relationship of father and son is frozen in the relationship of specifically his father and him. Of course Bruce is not Dick's father; Bruce himself is so different from what his conception of a father is. And as a fellow son, for Bruce, someone who just got back from 7 years abroad studying to be Batman, for whom the nearly 20 year old wound is still fresh, the idea of even wanting another father doesn't make sense, particularly for a boy that Bruce identifies with so hard that he becomes the third person ever to know who Batman is.

This looming memory is even worse when it's Dick's turn to be Batman. While Bruce looks at Dick and sees the memory of his own loss, the shadow of his own grief, Dick is looking at Damian and seeing Bruce. Dick knows very well who Damian lost; Dick is grieving what Damian lost more than Damian is. Bruce couldn't conceive of replacing a father, but Dick is struggling to imagining himself replacing Bruce at his job, much less who he was in his personal relationships.

But even if Damian isn't Dick's responsibility, Dick doesn't hesitate to care about Damian's future. "Who's going to save him if we don't?" At the start of the DickBats era, Dick isn't looking at Damian as a family member, really. He's looking at Damian as a victim, abet a very involved, very dangerous one. It's how Bruce looked at Dick too, before he had any reason to know that this kid would become something more to him. But, like Bruce, what Dick does to save Damian is bring him into the thing that is most precious to him; Batman. The mission. Saving people. A way to live in the world.

I know saying someone is the Batman to their Robin is like, a joke at this point. Something unbelievably cheesy. But you google "iconic duos" and Batman and Robin are one of the first responses. There's a reason for the joke. So imagine you are Robin, and your Batman is dead. And you have to go and find a new partner. Dick making Damian his Robin is heavy, just as heavy to me as adoption papers. Bruce made Dick his partner without any idea of what that meant. Dick, and the audience, had 70 years of expectation on what Dick and Damian could be. Dick making Damian Robin was a very specific claim, far stronger imo than just claiming him as a son would have been.

Because, to be honest (and speak to your other question), I don't think Dick thinks a lot about being a parent. I don't really think it's that important to him. Dick is a leader, a mentor, he deals with a ton of teenagers and kids through his vigilante work, he goes to Tim's sidekick parent's meetings and takes Jason skiing and more than that, he's also young. He's in his 20s. He should be at the club. I think he probably thinks he'll have kids in an abstract way, but it's not something he's looking for, consciously or unconsciously. He's not searching for connection, or to fix his mistakes or his past, the things that lead Bruce to adopting sidekicks. He'd be a great dad, and I think we see him being pretty good with his Elseworlds kids, but Dick is a very practical person, and him taking a kid in (vs finding somewhere else they can go) is not really the practical choice.

Except for one kid. There's just been one kid with legitimately no where else to go, where Dick is truly the only option, because going home meant only bad things for him. Dick made Damian part of his family in the ways that mattered to them both in that moment. With their lives, adoption doesn't really make a huge material difference on custody (if Damian wanted to leave, Dick couldn't have stopped him; Damian has access to basically unlimited money and can feed and clothe and wash himself. and possibly already has a phd.), and Dick wanted Damian to choose, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dick says he didn't think about taking Damian with him until Bruce comes back. He thought about taking Damian with him, thought that Damian might be better with Dick (his partner!!!!) than even with Bruce, his dad, the person Dick loves so much, only in the face of them being separated.

Meanwhile Damian, for all his blustering about how Dick needs to "earn" his respect, warms up to Dick startlingly quickly. For Damian, who had never known a father, who in his initial run hadn't even known his mother for more than two years, whose other male family is Ra’s al Ghul, his father is Batman. Even in Tomasi's kinder depiction of Damian's childhood, Damian only knows the Bat. And when he meets Bruce, the first thing he expresses is disappointment. Bruce the man is underwhelming and then goes and dies. So much for the mythic hero!

And then he meets Dick. Who manages to teach Damian something, who doesn't discount his skills even when he's wrong. Who proves that he is better at being Batman than Damian, and shows that he wants Damian around. And, even more importantly, who doesn't die. Dick is stable in a world constantly in flux. Damian screws up a lot in that run, and he leaves for long stretches of it, but Dick is always there when he gets back. There's no blame here, but the truth is that Dick is the one who stays.

Bruce was Damian's father, but what does that mean to someone whose never met a father at all? Bruce might have tried to connect with Damian before he died, but he doesn’t do it in a way that works. He doesn’t give Damian trust, he doesn’t encourage him in the ways Damian finds important…the first person to do that is Dick. Dick gives Damian responsibility, makes him part of the team. It could be argued that Damian didn’t deserve it, but we’re not talking about deserving. We’re talking about what worked. It sounds like as good an idea as making a tiny 8 year old acrobat a sidekick, but it undeniably worked for both Damian and Dick. Does that mean that either of these relationships were parental in the way that we think of it in the real world, in the way that a child psychologist would say is good and healthy? I have no idea. But they are the most parental in the absence of any other parents, and I think that means a lot.

Unfortunately, we don't get to actually see the dissolution of Dick and Damian's partnership. DC conveniently skips over showing us Bruce coming back and Dick becoming Nightwing again; preNew 52, Dick is still Batman with Damian even when Bruce returns, and in the New 52, he's been Batman "Before" and we don't really see the end, just a vague aftermath. But if it did take that kind of change to make them realize their relationship had a flavor of "parent and child", had the makings of something like a father and son, well, they'd just be following in the original Batman's footprints.

[blingblong55]

Hey Lover- Johnny "Soap" MacTavish

Based on a request:

Hihoooo!! Me again :3 not here for smut this time. It's my sad girl hours... Again. Soap picking up the broken pieces of Graves' ex who is completely broken from Graves cheating and dumping her cuz "The girl I'm with is better for me." I just want someone to fix me asap like seriously

F!reader, fluff, civilian!reader

Philip Graves, the man who ruined your very soul. You loved him, saw him as the most perfect man in this world. In one moment it all changed, he cheated, and told you a lie that you of course believed. In November, after you and him ended things he was on a mission. Met a man nicknamed Soap, and they talked about their lives, becoming close friends. At some point, he talks about you, and talks about you, Soap didn't know names or faces.

In March, you met him, you were at a dinner with friends when you just couldn't take the loud crowds anymore. You walk outside and bump into him. "Shit, sorry," you say, already feeling overwhelmed. "No, I should apologise, I didn't see where I was going." His Scottish accent was rough.

"I didn't either." You look at him. You both chuckle and he extends his hand, "John, friends call me Johnny" You shake his hand, "R/N," you smile a little. No man will ever love you. His words ring through.

"Nice to meet you, R/N."

"Nice to meet you too, John.."

"Johnny to you.." he winks and you nod, "Johnny." you softly say.

There was an awkward silence between the two of you. "So, are you...single? It's not like you look like the kind to be...I'm not calling you... Anything rude, you are just so..pretty and I keep on talking... Why don't I just give you my whole life story while I keep rambling." he spoke fast and you chuckled. He was so adorable this way, how nervous he was because of you. The first time he was ever this way with a woman. He took a deep breath and looked at you, "can I get a redo so you think I'm much cooler than I appear right now?" eyes pleading for just a second chance.

"um...yes...I mean I think you already did such a good job but sure"

"Hi, I'm Johnny and I'd like to take you out somewhere someday if you let me that is."

Graves was like this in the beginning, so sweet and such a gentleman and of course things changed. It was so hard to trust men like him and now here you were, thinking that maybe history repeats itself and this man in front of you would do what Graves did.

After that night, Soap started to prove he meant what he said on the first date. You opened up about an ex when noticed how hesitant you were with him. "Sounds fuckin' stupid but believe me, I will prove you wrong, I am better. Can you give me a chance?"

Since then he and you have created some rules and boundaries. (bold are rules made by him)

If he knows you are uncomfortable, he will apologise or not mention it and move on

You must accept all the flowers he gives you

You can say no to everything and he will not pry or do anything forcefully (unless you haven't eaten which will result in him trying to feed you)

If you think he is talking to some other girls (romantically), you can and will stop all communication with him

You can take all his hoodies and even shirts as long as he can get a kiss on the cheek as payment

No more talking about exes or situation-ships

If you are insecure about anything, body, actions or emotions, he wants you to be open about them, and never leave anything unsaid

Never argue and go to sleep, talk it out.

Goodbye kisses before missions are a must

For months on end, he has followed all the rules and boundaries you have set for yourself. Even if he needs a hug you aren't currently comfortable with, he will wait and never complain. One night, you saw graves with some new girl by his side. He was kissing her, and he saw you and Soap. But before you could even think clearly, Soap wrapped his arms around you. Kissing your cheek and whispering sweet nothings.

One night, your insecurities got the best of you, you had been trying to wear some dress for an event. Back then, Graves would've made some comment that would make you stay indoors for quite some time. "You look ridiculous, too much for what? take it off, you look hideous anyways."

"You look so beautiful," his voice soft, eyes glued to your dress then your face. "Seriously, the most gorgeous girl in this world and I get to be in your presence? What a lucky fucker I am." Arms wrapped around your waist, he and you looking at the mirror. "You really take my breath away, R/N." He kissed your cheek. Mesmerised is what you had this man at. He truly worships the ground you walk on. His personal goddess, if he could, he'd built you, your own Taj Mahal. You can see the love in his eyes, one look at you and you melt him away.

Two days into the relationship, he got on his knees in front of you. You sat on the sofa, looking down at him, confused. "What are you doing?"

"One, I'm taking your shoes off, two, I think you look ravishing in this light I just needed more angles to look from." You smile and look away. The first time he had complimented you this way.

Slowly, he sat patiently and watched as you healed. He saw how you found a new meaning in life. Life brought back to your beautiful eyes, a smile that was no longer hidden. Graves past comments about your body, laugh, ideas, smile, and dreams were all erased one by one, all possible because he gave you space and time to heal. The days where you cried over how easily he loved you and accepted all of you were the days he was the most proud, not because of your tears but because you were learning you are indeed loveable and worthy of much more. Nights and days where he sat on your bed as you bawled your eyes out, the many mornings he woke up to your smile, evenings where you'd get random bursts of energy, those are the times he loves you the most.

Soap has been in love the minute he saw you, and took time to realise he was not just any passing star but rather the man you are walking the aisle to. He scrubbed you clean and clothed you with silk clothes. Kiss your scars, and bad memories and create better ones. New love and old ones all came together to create the perfect time you and him would fall in love.

Tags: @anonymuslydumb

A/N: Really hope you like it :)

[cleolinda]

This does not spark Joy (Dior, 2018 & 2019)

PREVIOUSLY ON: Jean Patou's Joy (1930) was voted the Scent of the Century, but for some mysterious reason, it's not manufactured anymore.

Dior fucking killed Joy.

I won't bury the lede here at all. It was Dior. And I love a good Dior, don't get me wrong. But in August 2018, LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton (which owns every damn thing, including Sephora and half the brands in it) bought the Jean Patou company (which had already changed hands twice). More importantly, they bought the name "Joy." And, somehow, their subsidiary Parfums Christian Dior had their own Joy, complete with Jennifer Lawrence ad campaign, ready to release two weeks later.

For a while, Designer Parfums was at least allowed to manufacture and sell Jean Patou's Joy in France. But now, according to the Patou website, the company's fragrances "are no longer in production." When "authorized outlets" run out, they're out. Because apparently, it was that important for Dior to keep anyone else from using the name "Joy."

So what did they replace the Scent of the Century with?

I had heard that Joy by Dior Intense was a huge improvement on the initial Joy by Dior (which infuriated fragrance aficionados itself by existing, clearly), and I'm glad I tried it first, because if I had started with the original ("original") Dior, I would have punched a wall. But let's start with that: I kept trying Dior Joy #1 over and over because I couldn't remember what it smelled like. It is literally, in the literal sense of literally, forgettable. I tried it one more time today in order to write this paragraph, and: it's soapy white musk. Which upset me initially, I remember now, because I'm just really not a fan of soapy/laundry white musk, but that's on me; I've seen user reviews that do really like Joy by Dior. On me, it's just bubblebath froth, eventually a sweet citrus that peeks up from under it, and a drydown that adds some vanilla to that. That's joyous, I guess?

What I will say is, unlike the other perfume that made me think of bubble baths, it didn't give me a panic attack, so it's got one up on Chanel. But it's just... was this necessary? Did we not have enough soapy white citrus-vanilla musks in the world? At the time, I was just asking myself this rhetorically, but then I kept reading up on the Dior Joy(s). As Victoria at Bois de Jasmin points out, the actual fragrance is a copy of yet another perfume:

The result is that Dior Joy is Allure Lite. The rose and jasmine are folded into a sandalwood accord reminiscent of Chanel’s fragrance. From the top notes to the drydown, Joy follows the course of Allure, but in a softer, more transparent interpretation. The mandarin peel dusted with sugar, the rose blended with the lemony jasmine, a touch of apricot and orange blossom that melt into the sandalwood and custard-like vanilla. Even the same contrast between the sweet citrus and creamy woods is maintained.

Mark Behnke at Colognoisseur:

[Dior perfumer François Demachy] chose to create a mash-up of two huge best-sellers. The citrus opening is straight out of Chanel Allure and the floral heart is Dior J'Adore. In other words, it is just a re-tread.

DIOR! WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!

I won't say that Joy Intense (Dior #2) is more like Jean Patou's, but at least it has less of a soapy musk opening. Let's compare the notes:

Joy by Dior (2018): White musk, Grasse rose, Grasse jasmine, mandarin orange, patchouli, bergamot, cedar, sandalwood.

Joy by Dior Intense (2019): Neroli, bergamot, Grasse jasmine, Grasse rose, vanilla, patchouli, musk, sandalwood.

[Note: Grasse, "the perfume capital of the world," is a region in France famous for its role in the history of French perfume; it is especially known for jasmine and roses. "Grasse rose," "May rose," and "Rose de Mai" all refer to Rosa x centifolia. "Grasse jasmine" is Jasminum grandiflorum, as opposed to, say, the licorice-friendly jasmine sambac.]

Further info from dior.com:

Get the absolute fuck out of here with this BOTTLE and this LOGO, what are you even doing. I did not even know a perfume could eat crackers

Joy by Dior, per the official website:

JOY by Dior Eau de Parfum is a bright smile, and a pure concentration of joy in a bottle. A juicy, vibrant top note gives way to an enveloping white heart of flowers and musks, just like a soft caress.

Again, I hated Dior's first Joy when I first put it on, but that's my own bias. It was just sheer disappointment that they centered this on synthetic white musk—you vaulted the Scent of the Century for this?

The "Intense" version:

Oh well if there’s a star on the bottom I guess I’m not mad anymore??

JOY by Dior Eau de Parfum Intense is a new olfactory burst, a scent of joy wherein flowers celebrate and explode in all their faceted beauty. The dazzling light of the juicy Citrus blends with the colorful shine of Rose and Grasse Jasmine, and is heightened by an enveloping woody echo of Sandalwood tinged with Vanilla. The fragrance results in a floral firework.

Fuck the actual fuck outta here. "Firework" my ass. It's fine, I guess. It smells like vanilla lemonade and some jasmine on me, with a pleasant lingering drydown. Not just the smell of lemonade, but sort of the feeling of happiness you get when drinking a sugary glass of it on a hot summer day. Don't ever say I don't try to be fair. And it's 1000% better without the white musk. I honestly wouldn't mind wearing this under a different name, but it's just so adequate. I put on Jean Patou's Joy, even a diminished Joy, and it was a revelation. I put on the Dior, even the "good" version, and it smells like copying what the popular girls wear in hopes that they’ll like you. Thank God they didn't stuff some Ambroxan in there while they were at it. The only reason Dior didn't dupe some trendy note from Baccarat Rouge 540 is because Francis Kurkdjian didn't work for them yet. What the fuck are you people doing.

Back to Colognoisseur:

[It] is puzzling why Dior would make the decision to produce a new perfume with the same name of a masterpiece. The cynic in me says because they’ve unleashed their market research staff and found out most consumers have no idea there is a previous classic perfume called Joy. [...] Joy by Dior is a good perfume put together via the perfume assembly line of focus groups and market research; as cynical as it gets in other words.

This is absolutely my take as well. I wore Jean Patou on one hand and Dior's Joy Intense on the other and compared how they unfolded in real time, and what struck me most at that point was how gourmand-adjacent the Dior is. Not entirely so, but the vanilla lemonade I get is far more in line with the cupcake and burnt sugar notes (WHICH I LIKE!) that fragrance brands have put in everything since Mugler’s Angel, rather than just let a floral be good—superlative—at being a floral. But the marketing department says that the Costliest Perfume in the World isn’t on trend in the 21st century; we can charge plenty for something simpler, more predictable, more pandering.

My other take is that Dior's Joy perfumes are formulated to inevitably be cheaper than Jean Patou's Joy, even what Joy was at the end of the company's life. I have smelled at least a Platonic shadow of the Costliest Perfume in the World, and (I don't care how much Grasse jasmine Dior claims is in theirs) this ain't it. I don't blame François Demachy; he was given a brief and he did his job. The man made not one but two versions of Hypnotic Poison. He has done more interesting things than this. Dior’s Joy has "cash grab" written all over it and it's not even bad. It's just WHY. Why would you DO THIS. I am going to stay mad and die mad about this. Jesus Christ. You can't even, like, gently reformulate the Jean Patou, put out the Demachy versions as flanker fragrances, and market them all? You have four kinds of Poison RIGHT NOW and you can’t figure this out?

And I wore these three perfumes for three weeks, I want you to know that. I alternated them day by day, sometimes wearing two at a time to compare. I gave them all many, many chances. And besides the fact that I personally don't like white musk very much, the two Dior Joys are not bad. They're not! They're just accessories to a minor act of cultural vandalism, is all. Imagine taking Botticelli's The Birth of Venus and saying, we're going to throw this out so we can have a photographer recreate it with Jennifer Lawrence. Everyone's wearing Dior Spring/Summer 2023 designs (including Venus). It actually looks pretty cool, I guess. Great, so we don't need the Botticelli anymore? When does the trash get picked up, Tuesday?

Even Disney doesn't vault its animated movies anymore after it remakes them as live action. Maybe I can scrape up enough couch change to buy a bottle of Real Actual Joy and some DVDs before anyone else gets some big ideas.

Perfume discussion masterpost

[lotusmi]

whew, so this is a LOT for me right now, I felt really down about the void because I kept trying and couldn't enter yet I came across the post about the DMT video where everybody seemed to get either lucid dreams or enter the void. I read that the video will at least give you something, so I was really excited to try it since I thought that the fact that Almost every post I read is about somebody getting some time of results from the video ,I would too. But to my disappointment nothing happened, I tried again and again yet nothing. this is making me very frustrated and I'm bringing my anger on everybody around me, I'm hating on my family members and blaming my religion because I think its the reason why everyone can enter but I can't. I feel like crying because whenever I try for the void and it didn't work I would brush it off and not care even though deep down it hurt. Time is going soo fast and I'm scared I won't manifest in time , at the beginning of the school year when we had a four day weekend I was like this is my time to shine yet nothing happened, I didn't give up hope and decided to try again during winter break, yet to no avail and now its spring break and the school year is basically done and I couldn't even get one wish granted from my wish list,I'm scared the spring break is the last long Break I have to make I change, What if it doesn't work, then I spent a whole school year basically getting nothing. I really feel like the spring break is my LAST chance because there is so many things I wanted to happen that I still have hope can happen if i just enter the void.

dude, if you expect me to pet your head while you had the audacity to write me all this text obessing over the void you were very wrong...

I am very firstly just start saying AGAIN that I am not a void blogger and all those void shit are not my business at all and it seems that you did not even read the posts I made about the void, I know if you did read you would not be despaired like that.

"I read that the video will at least give you something, so I was really excited to try it since I thought that the fact that Almost every post I read is about somebody getting some time of results from the video''

NOTHING in the outside world has more power than you. And there's nothing to change or 'expect' to save you. Nothing outside of YOU can save YOU because the creative power of the whole universe is in your imagination. You do not need the void, a method, a sub, you NEED yourself.

"The great importance of knowing all you need to tap into the void is SELF is that you will stop checking new subliminals, new methods, seeking for information or trying to wonder what you are doing 'wrong'. You have to go straight to the wish fulfilled feeling, you change SELF. All you are searching for is Self." READ THIS POST!!!!!!!

"But to my disappointment nothing happened, I tried again and again yet nothing"

Yes of course, and nothing would NEVER change if you won't change your assumptions about yourSELF. This is not even about the void anymore. As you keep this state of never getting in the void or even this state of 'my life is shit' shit will keep happening to you and this is never going to stop unless YOU DECIDE TO. 'tried tried tried' I don't want you to try anything, you don't have to try. You just have to accept a completely new concept (assumption) about this by deciding you are at your new, desired state. Creation is finished, it is done. There's nothing to create. You just have to understand it is done. And if you read my posts, you would know I would recommend you revising this 'failure' as it never happened, don't accept it! By keep thinking and thinking you are only creating more failure, you can revise or ignore, but keep dweling in failure like a victim will imply your victim state.

"this is making me very frustrated and I'm bringing my anger on everybody around me, I'm hating on my family members"

I don't even know what to comment. This is not your family problem, it is yours. Why keep putting the fault in others? You should be embarassed of guilt trip others like that when you are The Creator of your reality.

"I think its the reason why everyone can enter but I can't"

well the problem will NEVER be outside. It's always within. So it there's any reason, the reason is you. You are the Cause. "The entire outer world is solely produced by imagining." + The power in you is the exactly same power in everyone that succeeded. The difference are the assumptions you hold.

"Time is going soo fast and I'm scared I won't manifest in time"

Time is not real and fear is an illusion. + Creation is DONE. There's no such a thing as not having time. You have to understand that manifesting is done in IMAGINATION and there's no past or future in the mind, there's only NOW. So assume you are and have what you want NOW.

"yet nothing happened"

Nothing happens 'out of nowhere'. You have to assume in your favour. You have the power. No one is coming to save you or to pick you and put you in the void. YOU have to take control.

"I couldn't even get one wish granted from my wish list"

You are the only creator in your reality, if you had knew that your imagination was your real reality and accepted your desired there by fulfilling within your desires, ALL your wishes would be granted now. “Dwelling on past irritations or hurts perpetuates them and creates a vicious circle that serves to confirm these negative emotions.” Neville Goddard

"I'm scared the spring break is the last long Break I have to make I change, What if it doesn't work, then I spent a whole school year basically getting nothing."

What you won't see is that the future is being made by you RIGHT NOW. It's not some random crazy thing that will happen to you. But what you assume to your life. Again, there's nothing to change outside of you, all you have to change is yourself, within. EVERYTHING STARTS FROM WITHIN, YOUR IMAGINATION. + Why are you concerning by it won't working at this point? Literally, I already said that you have to start ignoring those doubts, you already know that doubts are not real and you should not pay attention to any of those annoying thoughts since thoughts DONT manifest. What you accept and identify yourself as being or having DO. You are literally assuming failure to your future omg...

"I really feel like the spring break is my LAST chance because there is so many things I wanted to happen"

Why would it be the 'last chance'? This does not even has any sense at all. You can revise all your past literally as you want. + Just assume those things already happened in your future

"I still have hope can happen if i just enter the void"

The void is just a method. Omg. Stop obesessing over it. You can have all you want my fulfilling your desires within. Stop putting a method in a pedestral. This literally looks soo unhealthy not gonna lie. Work in your Self Concept, manifest without the void WHILE attempting to tap, learn better about the law. Read this, this, this, this.

"All changes must first come from within himself; and if he does not change on the outside it is because he has not changed within. But man does not like to feel that he is solely responsible for the conditions of his life" - Neville Goddard

[flightfoot]

Any fic recs where Hawk Moth captures one of the heroes?

...I'm gonna assume that enemies au don't count? Honestly there really aren't very many.

Some Days by @merrygreenie

Some days are worse, and others are a little better, little by little and day by day. Marinette Dupain-Chen is learning how to live her new normal after living in confinement and being tortured by Hawkmoth. She is thankful to have her friends and family to support her. And a very special Chat who loves her very much. *This story contains scenes of violence and torture this is a whump fic*

---

Between the Heavens and the Embers by @readersmoon

Everyone in Paris remembers the fateful night of January 16, when the city was attacked by the most powerful and destructive akuma ever created. The assault, which lasted for hours, resulted in the death of 439 people.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was among the casualties.

Years later, Adrien hasn't been able to move on, haunted by the memories of her broken body. So, when the opportunity to leave Paris for a while presents itself, he doesn't hesitate. But this trip might end up giving him more than he ever dreamt of.

This is a fantastic fic, though a serious and a dark one - make sure to mind the tags, and it’s M-rated for a reason. Vee - or rather, Marinette - is going through a horror story here. Imagine finding out that your life is a lie, that everyone you thought you could trust was manipulating you, that you were just being continually gaslit for years. 

As for Adrien, Alya, and Nino... well, none of them took Marinette’s “death” all that well, especially Adrien. Finding out that she’s been alive all this time, in these horrible circumstances, and they had no clue... it’s hard on them as well.

I love how this fic goes into how much trauma everyone has even after the immediate danger’s dealt with, you don’t just walk off this kind of experience, especially with how many years this lasted.

---

Soul Seeker by hislittlelady

After a shooting on her 6th birthday, Marinette Dupain-Cheng died. She was brought to the afterlife by her grandmother. She was content. Until the paramedics did their jobs and suddenly she wasn’t dead anymore. Waking up to find that half of her soul had remained tethered to the afterlife, allowing her the ability to see things others can’t, Marinette grows up an outcast. It isn’t until she moves in with her only friend, a detective she’s known since preschool, that she finds her purpose, solving his harder cases with the help of her spiritual connections. Three years later, she’s thriving. Her own business, two best friends, a K-9 drop out as a companion- life couldn’t get better. Until she meets Chat. A ghost with amnesia and a mask to match, Chat isn’t sure what he needs to move on to the afterlife (and, considering he’s stuck around for another three years, he doesn’t seem in all that much of a hurry to figure it out either!) When Amelie Agreste, a socialite from out of town, comes to Marinette for help locating her missing nephew, Marinette knows her career and her life will be on the line. But even a murderer intent on silencing her forever can’t keep Marinette from seeking the truth.

This is a really fun detective story. You can probably guess one or two of the major twists (not counting the twist of "Adrien is Chat Noir" which I certainly HOPE isn't a spoiler to anyone reading this), but that doesn't make it any less satisfying, especially with how Marinette's and Chat's relationship is developed. Or well, what interactions we see from them, since they've known each other for years by the time the story starts. I adore the "my friend is a ghost" trope, and the identity shenanigans and mystery around what actually happened to Adrien kept me wondering.

It's an M-rated fic, which I'm guessing is mostly due to an attempted sexual assault at one point in the story, though it doesn't get very far before it's stopped. I also want to warn Luka fans that he's not shown in the best light in this fic, though it's not too extreme.

[dino-boyo-agere]

Okay, I don't know if I'm alone with it, but I can't stop thinking about Saltburn characters as age regressors & CGs, especially Felix..

I'm sorry, but this man boy had a broken bike, and instead of just.. pushing it to the destination that wasn't too far, (especially not with this long legs!!?!) all he did was sulk and sigh in the hopes somebody would take pity? He definitely belongs in the baby pile!!

Same with Annabel.. You can't tell me she doesn't use regression to cope with her messed up family life, and the fact that she had to survive in the shadow of her golden child brother..

Anyways, here are Saltburn AgeRe head canons:

Felix mainly regresses for fun and to give his true emotions an outlet.

His regression also helps to heal his inner child from the emotional neglect he had to experience throughout his childhood, but he hasn't quite figured that out yet.

He keeps it "secret" from his parents, cuz they wouldn't understand..

Elsbeth knows technically, but she thinks it's a k1nk thing & she doesn't care.

James also knows.. He doesn't understand it, but he places some baby stuff in Felix's room as a surprise every once in a while.. Felix doesn't know they're from his dad.

Duncan has become some sort of primary caregiver for Felix.

He takes credit for the gifts, because he really enjoys the happy dances, thank you hugs and pictures he gets from little Felix. Ducan thinks "if the gift giver didn't put their name on it, they probably didn't want Felix to know anyways, so there's no harm in taking the credit."

He really enjoys how loving, cuddly and vulnerable little Felix can get.

Duncan feels like he can finally raise a child of his own. (He never had time for even a relationship, bc of his job.)

Felix is still a little brat when tiny, he was raised to be one, so it's hard to shake off.

He throws fits, cries, yells or even throws physical things, when something is not going his way.

Annabel knows about his regression and is not sure how to bring up that she also is part of the baby pile.

She found it helps her cope with her mental health issues, she mainly regresses involuntarily, after bad episodes.

Felix ends up finding out and they have playdates sometimes, but they often end up fighting.

Big Felix also judges/ makes fun of her for "not being able to control her regression". He doesn't understand the concept of involuntary regressing.

He has a really hard time realizing that not everyone is exactly like him, that's just a result of being the golden child.

Annabel is often sad/ upset when tiny.

She also gets jealous when she sees how loving Duncan is to Felix.

But she also really wants Felix to like and play with her, she's desperate for his approval and a sibling connection.

At one point James finds his daughter crying, that's nothing unusual, but this time he could tell it was different.. she seemt so incredibly small and fragile.

He becomes her primary cg after that night, and their relationship immensely improves.

Felix gets upset because he doesn't get as many gifts anymore though and gives Deacon he'll for it, still thinking they where from him lol

He's happy to see Annabel and James creating such a loving relationship, but he'd never say that out loud.. he's a little jealous at the same time aswell tho.

Farleigh also finds out about their regression, but is not sure what to make of it.

He kind of wants to take care of the little ones sometimes, and that scares him.

Little Felix giggles a lot, he likes running around and playing outside & in the water.

He's also an absolute cuddle bug, but only with Ducan. He follows him around like a lost puppy and constantly seeks physical touch. (Grabbing his hand/ arm, hugging him, etc.)

Felix also really enjoys showing off his skills, to get praise from his cg.

Ducan has a whole chest full of pictures, crafts and learning pages little Felix did.

Annabel is more of the quiet type, she likes coloring and just snuggling with her Papa or a plushie.

James really values this second chance at being a good dad to his daughter, he felt a lot of remorse for always prioritizing Felix.

Annabel and Felix's relationship also ends up improving.

The fighting will probably never fully stop, that's just sibling things.

Farleigh also finds himself filling a "big sibling" role over time and he likes being the one in charge every once in a while.

He's is stricter than Ducan and James, but he's not unfair.

With Farleigh he kiddos have set bedtimes, a limit to how many sugary stuff they're allowed to consume and get scolded for fighting/ causing trouble.

The most dreaded punishment of Felix is sitting on the stairs for 5 to 10 minutes, kid hates being bored.

Unfortunately he often has to sit on the stairs, he's quite the trouble maker.

Annabel hates getting her plushie taken away, the plushie is still in the same room, but up on a shelf, she just can't cuddle it for 5 to 10 minutes.

Luckily she very rarely has to be punished, she's a very well behaved kid!

All in all, regression brings most of the family closer together! <3

That's all I can think of right now, I might add more later.

I left out Oliver on purpose, cuz he's a creepy little freak and we don't stand him in this household hehe

Hope y'all enjoyed this read!!

.ﾟ｡.･.*.ﾟ☆❗only interact if your blog is SFW❗☆ ﾟ.*.･. ｡ﾟ.

[glysaturn]

hello glysaturn i have been following u for *years* and i want u to know that i havent for one second been convinced that your art is not good or has plateaued in some way. i think that youve managed to convince yourself of these ideas but i want to remind you that the more you continue to think this way the worse it gets. personally i felt at my most hopeless as an artist when i was obsessing over how bad i thought my art was and how little engagement it got online. i hit a point where i stopped drawing entirely for a while because i kept asking myself why i was doing any of this if it was “bad” — but then how could someone ever improve if they give up? all these negative thoughts bashing your own art just lead to hopelessness and an unwillingness to keep trying.

i’m glad that you *do* continue to push through and continue making art but i think it’s important to remember that you shouldnt be comparing yourself to other people. every artist u see online built up to wherever they are now and i think instead of fixating on how “good” their art is or how many likes theyre getting it’s healthier to fixate on the practice and effort they put in to getting there. i’m sorry if you’re not looking for comments about your outlook but again as someone who has been a fan and a follower for like over 5 years it saddens me to see one of my favorite artists tripping themselves up so often

i'm.. not sure what prompted this message. if it was my last post then you severely misunderstood it, no offence, like maybe it's on me for failing to convey exactly what i was trying to say, but i definitely was not coming from a place of self-hate. i love my art! i've just noticed a certain.. pattern in it which was making the process frustrating for me as of late. a pattern which was born through my damn perfectionism. it was making me feel like i have to squeeze my art out rather than just making it happen naturally. even if i like the final result, it takes too much out of me and it's just not very fun. so for a while now i was trying to start taking it easier, making simpler, messier works and through that - learning how to maybe draw something that might be a bit more complex but it would feel less like manual labour. whatever change i may want to see in my art isn't driven by outside factors, it's driven by my own desire to improve.

if this was prompted by my.. less than sane behaviour that i exhibit from time to time. first of all - i'm sorry you had to see that, trust me i ain't proud of it. secondly, uhhh, i get where you're coming from, but i feel like it's still not entirely accurate to what i'm experiencing. am i comparing my works to works of others? …….yea. sometimes. it's a god damn curse. does it make me feel bad about my art? not anymore, no, not really. i definitely do not look at someone else's art and think mine is shit in comparison. i think mine is quite good and worthy. it is true that i was not able to find any sort of balance that would let me exist online fully in peace. but i'm still looking for it, still trying to figure it out. and none of it is going to actually make me stop drawing and loving my own art. i know i said the thought of quitting crosses my mind from time to time, i did, but i was just in a moment of experiencing very intense emotions. i don't actually mean it, like deeply. my brain is wired in such a way that if i were to stop drawing, i would literally lose my mind. i simply cannot sit and do nothing. i MUST create. so there's that.

thank you for your.. concern?

[ednito]

Hm.

I've been having a thought recently, and seeing someone else talk about their own thought that's similar to mine makes me wanna talk about mine. I'm sure people go through this but I thought id ask anyway- has anyone ever gone through a phase in art where you just aren't happy but you aren't necessarily upset either? Like you don't feel anything during the process except maybe tired or loss and while the end result is digestible its not anything you deem as good in some way? Like for me I feel like all my art looks the same, and it's stiff and un detailed and it never turns to what I envision in my head. It's not like I can't draw, I can, I'm just never happy with it but I'm not like extremely upset either. I'm more upset with myself.

I don't know why, but it's been taking a lot of effort to draw recently- like physically? (And of course mentally) like I feel so stiff, sometimes I struggle to even compose a simple sketch and it takes so long I feel a bit sore. Nothing feels right anymore and I'm unsure what to do- I don't understand what I did wrong <:[

And it's frustrating cause I know how to get better, I've studied, practiced, and drawn everyday- I've done it and I don't know.. it never seems to click for me, I don't go too far. And I don't know- part of me wants to maybe just give up? I don't want too at all but I don't know. I don't know what I should do.

I don't mean to be that guy but I've been drawing for a long time, ever since I was in kindergarten or maybe a tad younger I was drawing a lot- I failed a lot of classes in middle school and high school cause all I ever did was draw and draw and dream away. I've always wanted to make something big artistically wise, like making a comic or a game or show- something, anything. I love creating things so much and consuming fiction,, but I don't know maybe I've reached my limit.

I'm sorry I only ever make text posts and I never draw here or ever and I'm sorry I can't keep my promises. It's not fair to you. I'm not a good blogger. I just wanna post things that I'm proud of and not feel confined or anything! I still feel like I'm being watched by something I don't know what or if I'm just paranoid. I don't know.

And again sorry fr the little vent, I didn't really mean to get emotional, you're not obligated to respond or anything. Thank you for reading.

[lisatheforgiving]

Update Schedule After Chapter 1

TLDR: Updates will be slower after chapter 1, maybe 2 times a year, but I will release more pages with each batch (1/4-1/2 of a chapter every post). Did this because the current schedule isn't working for me, and next year I will be even busier with university.

What changes am I making?

After chapter 1, I am going to be updating far less. I was already pretty scarce with updates, but now I'm reducing it to whenever I finish a batch of pages. No exceptions, no rushing. I estimate this will be maybe 2-3 times a year. However, these updates will be bigger batches of pages, pretty much most of a chapter at a time (think 1/4-1/2 of a chapter). This way you guys can get more content for the amount of time you wait!

Why are you making these changes?

I feel like setting the bar so low for myself made me feel like if I didn't make pages quickly, I was kinda wasting everyones time. If I force myself to do something, I have a really hard time starting it. Giving myself more time to work on a lot of pages will make me feel less pressured to update, and even if I take a while, the end result feels a lot more rewarding to me.

Also a big issue I've have with this comic has been writing and pacing. Because I would make 2 pages every post, I wouldn't really consider how my writing or pacing would affect future pages. This is just a fan comic, so I'm not too bothered by it, but idk. I just feel like I'll be alot happier with this project if I give myself time to create more pages in tandem with each other and plan more.

The biggest reason I will be doing it this way going forwards however, is that my first year at uni has made me realize I just don't have time to be updating this comic as much as I have been. I will go weeks at a time solely trying to meet a deadline, without any time for even personal artwork. Next year, it will be way busier, so I just can't keep up with this anymore (yes, even at the snails pace I was already updating at lol)

Is the project going to die?

I don't think so. If I am going to abandon it, I will let you all know and will release info on what would've happened. If I ever for any reason don't update for a very long time, please assume I will someday come back to this project until I announce it's over. If you want to check if I'm still active, feel free to send me an ask on this blog, or my main blog @speevtheteev

Thank you guys for being so patient! I know it's super annoying waiting for short updates on this little project. I'm more active on my main blog if you are interested in seeing what else I am up to :)

[asmallmoon333]

Hi!!! Just wanted to pop in and say that I love Time Speaks so much and really admire the effort and thought you put into every chapter. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you go about writing and planning? Every chapter is just so well organized and the caliber of writing, plot creation and character study is just amazing, you are an extremely talented writer 💜 💜💜

I'm so sorry it took me so long to answer this. Honestly, I wasn't really sure what to say, you asked my Achilles heel :'D

First of all, thank you for loving my writing <3 It makes me happy to write, and happy when people enjoy it!

So here's what took so long lol: describing my writing process. So, the process itself is more like a domino effect than a plan. Or maybe like a growing seed. I know the main "what is going on here" of the world, so I can stay within those boundaries, but the plot itself develops mostly as a series of consequences. Each lifetime has a theme that I have a vague idea of where it's going, but I don't plan chapters out in detail, I don't plan lifetimes out in detail, nor did I plan all the lifetimes in advance. I usually only know as far as what the next life will be like. I also always knew the ending, but there were a thousand paths I could have taken to reach it, because its an ending that is inevitable simply due to who L and Light and everyone else is.

Now, when it comes to the details or character interactions/development, those usually just develop while I'm writing. I sometimes joke in my notes that 'Lawlight made me do it' or 'they wanted to go this way' and I'm partly serious about it. Usually the conversation just flows and interactions just happen as a consequence of them as people. They, to put it honestly, write themselves. One character says something, and the other responds in the way 'they' would respond, and this happens in a world where every action and reaction is a result of multiple character motivations. My plot is not so much planned (outside of the Big Things like where they are and why the loops happen) as it is just growing with and around L and Light.

Basically, in my writing, I follow the 'rules' of the world (unmovable rules, like gravity's existence) and also the 'rules' of each character's personality (Like Light is petty if he can get away with it). We got through ten lives because of who L, Light, and everyone else are as people, instead of who I planned them to be and to become. And we got to our current point because it's what they chose to do. And yes I often know the choice they made and the repercussions of it chapters in advance, so it feels planned, but it's really just.... half-planned I guess? Sorry lol I'm making no sense.

It all feels like a cohesive whole because this was just where they were always going to end up, simply due to them as people + the basic rules of the world I created. It feels like it was planned I suppose cause it was a slow, gradual, and organic change of them as people. L and Light are reacting to the world rather than being led by a plot.

So at its core Time Speaks is the story of "L and Light are in a time loop, and this is how they'd react to that." And then combine that with "This time loop exists because of this reason, and this is how other characters react to that."

The story is just me doing my best to write the motivations and consequences of a whole bunch of characters' choices, again and again and again. And the hardest part is keeping the details straight in my head, while trying not to force the plot to go a certain way. I'm actually quite flexible as a writer and something massive changes happen in the moment cause it feels more organic to go that way instead of following my vague, preconceived notion of where it was going. (This has made me sad sometimes cause I've wanted to write a whole bunch of scenes that never saw the light of day cause they simply didn't work anymore.) Instead, of forcing the plot to go as I believe it should or sometimes even as I want it to, the characters have to be the ones to choose. (Cause I personally would have taken the loop as a happy thing, an eternal playground, and not bothered at all to investigate why it was happening; I would not have cared lmao. L and Light are different.)

My writing at its core is, I suppose, respecting the characters' choices. (And keeping all those choices in mind, cause the details are sometimes so complicated :'D )

So, yup, here's my incoherent mess of an answer, hope it made some sense!

[prongsmydeer]

Things I Liked About Perfect Propose (2024):

Having a main character who outright and clearly, at the beginning, says he is gay without caveat or needing to explain it

The exploration on how a toxic work environment can drain you in every part of your life ("But I don't feel anything anymore.")

Kaneko showing how much a good manager/team lead can keep you afloat in a job, and then Hiro taking that on himself ("I refuse! Sakamoto-san has been working hard enough.")

The revelation that being able to avoid conflict and anger isn't always a healthy thing, and in Kai's case comes from a lack of expectation that he will receive support ("When I asked him to leave the store, his reaction was as indifferent as when I told him not to visit." "He probably doesn't expect much.")

The push and pull of Kai always voicing what he wants, while still giving Hiro the space to decide whether or not he wants the same thing. ("By creating an escape route like this, that's why I want to keep on spoiling him.)

The trope which is quickly becoming a favourite of mine, the let-me-seriously-consider-my-feelings-and-let-you-know! ("I need time. Time to properly face you and then give you an answer.")

The trope subversion of Kai saying that he hasn't had feelings for Hiro the whole time he's known him, even if Hiro is the only person he's seriously liked

Mr. Kenji and his gruff but caring relationship with Kai

Kai's legitimate hesitation to change his and Hiro's relationship given how his bonds with people have resulted in disappointment and guilt ("Being involved with people is heavy.")

How unambiguous Hiro's confession is despite not using the word love ("I'll give you my remaining years!" / "It feels like a proposal, doesn't it?" "It is a proposal.")

Things I Didn't Like About Perfect Propose (2024)

Mainly the episode 1 insomnia [redacted]. For why? I get that's coming from the source material, but it's reinforcing a reprehensible trope (on top of being a stereotype that can actually be used to harm real people) and if you wanted a physical intimacy in the first ep, I feel like there are better ways to do it

While their adult friendship and childhood friendship are both fine on their own, and I know they've not seen each other for more than 10 years, the optics of having such a large age gap in their initial friendship (elementary and high school) and then going on to date (and/or get engaged) are a little wild

It is one of many, many shows that will only verbally categorize characters as straight or gay. ("I'm gay." / "Well, Hirokuni, you're straight.") It is obvious by the end of the show that Hiro is capable of attraction to multiple genders, why will we say every word but bisexual?

Hiyori did not need to keep fixating on Hiro being with a guy. That's your coworker, leave him be!

I wish a bit that they explored more of what exactly Kai likes about Hiro aside from being needed, because for Kai we can see Hiro admiring his cooking, being endeared by his confidence, his comforting, even enjoying talking to him on the phone. But we don't see that for Kai, and Kai doesn't see what we as the audience see about Hiro being thoughtful by bringing his colleagues snacks and sending them home, or being dedicated by showing up hours early so he can go to the festival on time and running to get Kai yakisoba when his day goes too long, or being selfless standing up for Sakamoto and taking on a double workload so his junior doesn't burned out. Even if Kai's feelings are established, I want to hear more of why he likes Hiro so much voiced. Especially with the show's premise being rooted in reconnecting with a former friend. What do you like now?

While I love that Kai has a support system in Mr. Kenji in his way, and I understand he is working through a lifetime of trauma, I think Kai needs some friends! Get a friend, Kai. I would've loved if he actually got that drink with his coworker, in the same way Hiro has an ongoing friendship with Kaneko and his other colleagues

[traumatizeddfox]

I'll be honest. I'm scared I hurt someone who was suicidal.

I joined your Discord server a while ago and really enjoyed it, it felt like a nice, comfortable place. I made friends with a person but they ended up heavily depending on me to keep themselves from ending things. But they did it in such a way that hurt each time, they never listened to me and kept sending me such scary messages, but I tried to help, I tried my best, I gave as much advice as I could. I ended up leaving the server (because of strict home life, didn't want to get in trouble) and I ended up silently leaving the person too. They tried to friend me months later, but I was terrified to accept, so I declined. I rejoined your server just to look around a little bit but the last time the suicidal person spoke was 7 months ago, which was when I last spoke to them.

I'm scared that I was the result of something, that I made it worse, that I hurt them because I didn't know how to help and was hurt by trying to help. I didn't know what to do and I feel so bad for leaving now.

I'm sorry if it was my fault they don't talk anymore. I'm terrified I made things worse.

Hi Anon!

I just want to say thank you for joining my discord, but please don’t ever feel like you have to be someone’s therapist.

Sometimes people do rely on other’s for emotional support but it can also hurt both people. I’m not sure who the user was and i know some people kind of come and go in my discord, and my main reason for creating the discord was just so others can discuss trauma and meet people. But please don’t feel like it’s your obligation or job to keep someone from hurting themselves. Theres usually not a whole lot we can do besides talking to them or calling the police/ambulance (even if possible) and sometimes people online can just disappear for multitude of reasons. The situation is hard and i’m so sorry. sometimes when it comes to suicide we can’t do much especially online :/ but please note you were also being hurt from it. I’ve been on both sides of these type of situations.

If that user did unfortunately die from suicide that isn’t your fault.

If you would like to dm me or any of my mods about this situation, please do so!