prolocomarsalamtt-blog

[anxiouspotatorants]

Waiting for onscreen updates on Will Putnam, Theo Dimas, Charles’ stepkid and literally any of Mabel’s love interests

[positivexcellence]

Walker's Jared Padalecki Talks Finale's Killer Threat, Why He's 'Excited and Nervous' About Cordell/Geri's Future

TVLINE | First of all, congrats on the renewal! Thank you so much! Certainly a relief. We’ve all been waiting on bated breath. So to get that vote of confidence was a huge, huge deal. And [Wednesday was] Odette Annable’s birthday. [Thursday] is Coby [Bell’s] birthday. [Kale Culley’s] birthday is this month. So they were all kind of mentioning on the cast text thread like, “Best birthday present ever!” It was very awesome to be able to share that awesome news with the gang.

TVLINE | You planted a lot of seeds for next season, so thank God you got that renewal. Which storyline are you most excited for in Season 4 coming off the finale? Well, I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. I kind of tend to have a lot of interesting storylines that deal with the character having to confront past traumas. Obviously, I did that for many, many years on Supernatural as Sam Winchester. And so, the storyline of the Jackal, of this case that went cold that really consumed Captain James and Cordell Walker many years ago, the fact that that might be reopened is very exciting. We’ve seen Captain James be a stalwart for the whole Ranger organization and for his friend Cordell. So I think it’s nice that, hopefully next season, I’ll get to return the favor and be there for him when he’s kind of having to revisit some of his past trauma. So that’s, I don’t want to say No. 1 on my list, but certainly high on my list.

I also love the bombshell of August wanting to go into the military, and Cordell not knowing how to really approach it and going, “Well, I did it. So who am I to say, ‘Don’t do it’? I’m just saying, ‘Don’t do it just yet.'”

And I’m very, very excited about the Cordell/Geri storyline and seeing where they go. They kind of gave it a preliminary shot, and that didn’t stick. But now that their lives are different and that they’ve had some time to really think about it and digest it, I think they could make a good tag-team for Stella and Auggie

TVLINE | But between the serial killer and the FBI task force, how worried should we be that work is going to get in the way of Cordell and Geri’s re-sparked romance? Or are they finally ready to give it a real try? [Laughs] I think we can rest assured that it will get in the way, and that’s going to be the exciting part to explore and play and find out alongside the writers and the audience, to see just how realistic it is for Cordell to find love again and for Geri to find love again. Obviously, we saw Hoyt come back in Episode 17 of the third season, so we know that she’s been happy with somebody. There were asterisks, obviously, with Hoyt, and I guess there are asterisks with Cordell, as well, because his job is serious and can be dangerous and can, as we’ve seen, kind of bleed into his home, his family and all that. So I’m excited and… I don’t want to say hesitant. I’m excited and nervous to explore that with the writers next season.

TVLINE | He did ask her to stay with him for the summer. So can we at least assume he’s definitely not going to accept the FBI gig? Well, it wouldn’t start until after the summer anyways. And so, he’s going to have time to think about it, and he’s going to have to kind of measure whether it’s important enough. He doesn’t want to do a Rodeo Kings thing again. He doesn’t want to get caught up in something again, and I think he’s starting to really put roots down with his family and with the people he loves. I’m, obviously, not having any conversations with the writers right now because they are on strike, and I support them very much. But as soon as we’re all back in the pool, I can’t wait to see what their thoughts are on what Walker’s decision will be.

TVLINE | We also need to talk about Walker’s other kid because that cliffhanger with Stella was quite dramatic. And it was interesting that she chose to go to Liam, not her father, for help. Do you think that will cause a rift within the family? That’s a good question. I don’t think so. It’s possible. I can understand why Walker would be upset. And maybe this is unimportant or uninteresting, but the reason it happened the way it happened is because of location issues we had. So initially, Liam was just going to be the first person she ran into, like she was just going to see him while she was figuring out who to tell. And so he was the first person [she saw], and she wasn’t able to call her dad, and so she told Liam. But also, Walker presumably didn’t really have his phone on him, he wasn’t checking it a whole lot. He was helping with bacon and eggs at the Side Step for the after party. [Laughs] I think Walker always finds himself in the position — and God, I guess, Jared has found himself in the same position as well — of August went to Bonham to talk about enlisting. Stella seemingly went to Liam to talk about the crazy situation that she and Sadie find themselves in at the end of the episode. So it might give him pause, but I think he’ll ultimately understand.

TVLINE | I wondered if maybe it had to do with the fact that he’s an authority figure, he’s part of the police so to speak, so it puts him in an ethically compromised position, as well, if she goes to him. Yeah, you know, to that end, maybe it does upset Walker. Thinking about it now, now that I know we’re going to explore it next season, Walker would certainly feel kind of bombarded. He son is coming at him, saying, “Hey, I talked to Gramps about this,” and his daughter is going to ultimately have to admit, “Hey, I talked to Liam about that.” He might find himself in a position of like, “Whoa, what am I chopped liver? This is what I deal with, keeping my family safe, keeping the people of Texas safe as best I can. So why would you not immediately call me? Why would you not come to me?” I’m sure Walker will find out very quickly what happened, and hopefully he can focus on the task at hand and not get too emotionally involved with feeling hurt.

tv line

[blackstarising]

coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

[eveningspirit]

We’re about 4 to 5 episodes into this season, and I have thoughts. First, I want to say a few words about the new shows I started:

Quantum Leap -- was the one that disappointed me the most of the three with its first episode, and I’m the most invested in it now. It’s five episodes in now, but I decided to keep watching it after episode four, so that four-episodes test thing seems to be quite accurate. :)

What sold me was, surprisingly, the character I was most unsure about at the beginning. Ian Wright. They are played by a non-binary actoress Mason Alexander Park and oh my gads, are they brilliant! You may have seen them on The Sandman as well, playing Desire.

Of course, their character is non-binary as well, and how beautifully non-binary! But it’s not what sold me. It was that moment when they are genuinely worried about Ben and about Addison neglecting her own health trying to save Ben. The moment was emotional, Ian was vulnerable and real. Great acting, great character building, all the things that matter in the stories we want to watch. They just happen to be non-binary, but that’s not the story. What’s not to love?

A digression. I want to say a few words about the so-called “political correctness” in the nowadays tv shows and movies. A lot of people oppose it. I don’t, never did, but I can admit that sometimes it makes me feel weird (who cares, right?) to watch some people play some roles, seemingly only because of “political correctness”. But. BUT. There’s so much talent in every gender, body type, race, wahthaveyou. Mason Alexander Park is pure talent.

Would they be able to spread their wings and show it with such ease, with such swagger ten years ago? Without the -- perhaps -- somewhat awkward “politically correct” performances of the last decade? That transitional phase was/still is necessary. And I hope to see more, many more such performances.

Oh. And back to Quantum Leap -- the fifth episode ended with a mystery that has me on the edge of my seat!

So Help Me Todd -- three episodes in. I think the fourth is out? But the third one was so dumb and predictable I couldn’t fully stomach it. I want to watch it because of Marcia Gay Harden. The family dynamics seemed interesting at first glance too, but. I don’t know. I‘ll give the fourth episode a chance, because of the four-episodes test. Don’t see much of a chance, though.

East New York -- I’ve only seen one episode. The show is probably good, has some fine actors and the themes are important, but I didn’t connect with them. Pass, but not beacuse I’m disappointed. It just isn’t the show for me.

ETA: oh, Peripheral started yesterday too, and I watched it well into the night... Will have to make a post at a later time, because... uuuuuhhhh... mind?BLOWN!

[the-ferocious-kittyrose]

Rewriting Haggar/Honerva’s redemption arc

One of the many things that bothered me about VLD S8 is Honerva’s redemption arc. While I was never fully against the idea of Honerva getting a redemption arc, I just didn’t want VLD to do it because I knew that they would fuck it up if they tried. And low and behold, I was right!

But yeah, I wasn’t against the idea of her being redeemed. And I don’t mean “redeemed” as in “all is forgiven and she’s just a good guy now,” but more like a Darth Vader, “the things she did were inexcusable and she would never be able to right all her wrongs but she goes out on one good act to show that there was still good in her deep down and she at least had the potential to change.”

I know a lot of people don’t like the whole, “redemption=death” thing, which I understand, but I personally never had a problem with it.

Ok, so why didn’t Honerva’s redemption work? Well there are a few reasons but the one that baffles me the most is that, instead of trying to make her more sympathetic, season 8 seemed to go out of its way to show her being more evil and vile than ever.

And because I have nothing better to do, I’m gonna go through Honerva’s story in VLD and explain what I would change to make her redemption more believable.

(Keep in mind I am not a writer, this is just me ranting about my favorite character and how I personally would’ve written her.)

1. Realizing she’s Altean

I always thought it’s was weird that when Allura said “you’re...Altean!?” In the S2 finale, Haggar didn’t seem to react at all, she just kept attacking. It’s as if she didn’t care or already knew, which doesn’t make sense considering in the S3 finale and S8E2 it’s established that Haggar has no memory of who she was before she died. And in S4E3 she seems shocked by her Altean face (which also doesn’t make sense because her blue skin isn’t camouflage that’s just how she looks after the rift) so it seems like she didn’t know.

Wouldn’t it have made more sence if after Allura said “you’re...Altean!?” Honerva looked confused/shocked? If she became defensive and said Allura was lying/trying to insult her? There’s def anti-Altean propaganda in the empire so it would be considered an insult.

After that she starts questioning Zarkon. And when she looks into his mind, it’s out of genuine curiosity and desire to know the truth, not because, “the empire needs him” or whatever that meant.

And isn’t it a bit odd that she doesn’t seem betrayed at all when she finds out Zarkon has been keeping all this from her? She’s just like, “oh, you’re my husband? Cool.” Wtf???

2. Her past relationship with Zarkon

Okay, I love Zonerva, but if we’re being honest, Zarkon was not the best husband. He enabled the shit out of Honerva, even when it was obvious that the rift was doing serious damage to her physical and mental health. To me, it seems like Zarkon was so blinded by the power the rift gave him that he didn’t realize/ignored the negative effect it was having on Honerva. In the same way he downplayed the negative impact the rift had on the planet.

I think that should’ve been explored more. Maybe Honerva notices that she’s been acting differently and is worried somethings wrong (think S5 Kuron). And Honerva tries to tell Zarkon that she feels strange and Zarkon just brushes it off.

And later, when Alfor visits Diaibazaal years later. Things are pretty much the same except when we sees Honerva, she is very obviously pregnant and Alfor’s there when Honerva falls and goes into labor (instead of a random quintessence seizure). Alfor and many Galran doctors try their best to save her and the baby but she dies in childbirth.

Zarkon goes ballistic. He’s yelling, throwing doctors across the room, and Alfor turns to the doctor holding Lotor and tells them to get the baby to safely, fearing Zarkon will take his grief out on the baby.

Zarkon turns on Alfor, blaming him for Honerva’s death and accusing him of letting her die so that he could get his way and close the rift. He lunges Alfor and roars at him to leave.

He spends the rest of the night grieving at Honerva’s bedside, when Kova jumps on the bed and starts gnawing on her finger trying to wake her up. This is what gives him the idea to bring her back with quintessence.

3. Her current relationship with Zarkon

I think it’s pretty safe to say that they’re relationship didn’t get better after the war began. Zarkon hid her identity and her child from her for 10,000 years and essentially used her as a tool of war. It’s pretty fucked up.

I know it’s pretty well established that Zarkon treats Haggar with more respect than his other underlings, but I feel like it would be interesting to see that change overtime. We see that after Voltron comes back, Zarkon becomes very obsessed with Voltron/Black, and he and Haggar start disagreeing more and more.

Remember the moment where one of Haggar’s druids told Zarkon Haggar said he needed to rest and Zarkon hit them with his bayard and told them, “remember who your master is”? What if, instead of a random druid, it was Haggar who he hit?

I feel like that would be a good way to show Haggar and the audience just how much Zarkon’s obsession with Voltron is affecting him, and make the audience feel a tiny bit bad for her.

Then later in season 4, when Zarkon wakes up from his coma and finds out Haggar brought Lotor back to take his place he gets pissed. He puts a price on Lotor’s head and has Haggar arrested for treason. She steals a ship, escapes, and later on meets up with Lotor’s generals.

Her and Zarkon are officially broken up and her quest to reclaim her identity and get her son back begins.

4. Oriande

I never liked the concept of chosen/sacred Alteans. The idea that some Alteans are just born more powerful than others just feels iffy. My idea of Oriande is that it’s an Altean holly land, any Altean can enter it just depends on whether or not you can pass the White Lion’s trial. Passing the trial proves that your intentions are pure and and the White Lion will bless you with power.

I didn’t like how Honerva seemed to force her way into Oriande, I think it would be more effective if she had gone through normally because, at this point, her intentions were pure. She was going there to purge herself of the dark magic corrupting her and reclaim her memories so she could go get her son back.

I also like the idea that Oriande is a sorta link to the Altean after life, and you can speak with people you’ve lost. Allura gets to speak with Alfor, and Honerva speaks with her mother.

You could also have her be confronted by the spirits of the Alteans she helped destroy. Have the weight of her past actions bear down on her. An important part of any redemption arc is acknowledging the terrible shit you’ve done in the past, and that was severely lacking in Honerva’s arc.

Another interesting thing you could do is have Honerva talk to her younger self. The one that died 10,000 years ago. This kinda thing actually happened in 80s Voltron, young Haggar appearing in Haggar’s head trying to convince her to be good again.

5. Her relationship with Lotor

Now this is where the redemption arc really falls apart. I forget who, but one of the writers said after S5 that Haggar/Honerva was motivated purely by love for her son, but man did they do a bad job of showing that.

And it would’ve been so easy to fix that problem, just have her not be horrible to him. Have them have actual civil conversations, have her protect and defend him. Don’t have her reject him as a fucking baby!

Imagine if, after Zarkon destroys Lotor’s planet, instead of immediately deciding to

exile him, Zarkon says that this is the final straw and he’s going to have Lotor executed. But Haggar speaks up to defend Him. There’s actually a scene in DOTU where Zarkon tries to kill Lotor and Haggar gets on her knees and begs for him to be spared. (Though the scene was mostly played for laughs.)

she asks for mercy and justifies it by saying it would be unwise to kill his only heir. It’s a weak argument, Lotor’s a half breed and couldn’t realistically take the throne, but Zarkon does concede, he still loves her after all, and has Lotor exiled.

And Haggar isn’t spying on him because she doesn’t trust him, but because she’s concerned for him. When Lotor confronts Haggar about sending her cronies after him, she says she knows he’s hiding something. Lotor asks if she’s threatening him, thinking she’s going to rat him out, but she says no, she’s not threatening him, she’s just trying to warn him against doing anything stupid because, with Zarkon seemingly on his death bed, the empire needs Lotor’s leadership.

At this point in the story, Haggar is questioning her loyalty to Zarkon, so I feel like it would make sense for her to be silently supporting Lotor from the shadows.

Then at the Kral Zera in season 5, It was weird to me how she was helping Lotor through Kuron while also telling him he couldn’t be emperor and trying to put Sendak on the throne. I feel like it would’ve made more sense for Sendak to just show up on his own without Haggar.

Haggar wouldn’t even be at the Kral Zera, she would just watch through Kuron.

And then we get to S6 when she actually reveals to Lotor that she’s his mom. This scene was just so poorly done. She never actually apologizes to him, she’s just like “yeah I forgot you were my kid and I never loved you, but were cool now right?” I remember when I saw S8E2 and it shows her after Lotor rejects her and she looks like she’s about to cry, I was just thinking, “this would be very emotional and sad IF she had actually apologized and made it clear that she genuinely loved him.” But she didn’t and I don’t know why!

And then we get to season 8, and of course everything in S8 is bad but Honerva’s story is particularly bad. She’s supposed to be motivated by love for Lotor yet she doesn’t act like she actually cares about him at all.

She manipulates his corpse and when she sees his gross melted body, she doesn’t even react that much. When a mother sees her child’s mutilated corpse, how do you think she reacts? Screaming? Crying?? Hurling??? But no. She’s just like, “...”

And then when she goes to the alternate reality and meets baby Lotor and he rejects her, her reaction isn’t disappointment or sadness, it’s anger and entitlement. She immediately decides, “ok, fuck this kid. Let’s destroy this reality.”

It just doesn’t make sense! This is the season you’re trying to REDEEM her! Why are you going out of your way to make her so vile?

6. Her S7-S8 plan

(Keep in mind I haven’t watched S7/S8 since they came out and barely even watched S8 to begin with, so I don’t remember some things and I can’t be bothered to rewatch them.)

Okay, starting with S7, she’s not in this season at all but in “The Ruins” the druid dude says that her final order was to hunt and destroy the Blade of Marmora. I guess it makes a certain amount of sense because she saw that it was Keith who brought Lotor’s actions to light, but that whole plot was really pointless in my opinion. (Was anybody really hoping for a rematch between Keith and that one random druid?)

If you want us to forgive Honerva for her crimes, you really shouldn’t keep adding more unnecessary crimes. It’s established that there were a lot of Galra war lords vying for power and pirates looking for money, just have it be that Kolivan got kidnapped by one of them.

Then you have her season 8 plan and I’m gonna be real with y’all, I have no idea how to fix this mess.

I feel like the basics of her plan could work. She tries to get Lotor and Sincline out of the rift but when she gets him he’s a melted corpse so the plan then becomes to use sincline to go to another reality to find a living Lotor, but opening all these rifts causes problems and the paladins have to stop her.

But all the shit with manipulating the colony Alteans, killing the White Lion, desecrating Oriande, and destroying Olkarion and entire realities, it was all so unnecessary.

Personally I would cut the colony Alteans from the story all together, there are other ways for Lotor to betray the team. It was a lazy way of making Lotor 100% evil and having Honerva manipulate them is unnecessarily cruel, especially in the season you’re trying to redeem her.

Here’s a very basic outline of how I would do this plot.

If we’re going by season 8’s logic that she needs a sacrifice to bring back Sincline, I would’ve had the Galra she killed at the Kral Zera be the sacrifice, not the White Lion. She stands on the pyramid and talks about how the empire stole her life from her and she wants revenge as she absorbs their quintessence into herself and then uses that to bring back Sincline.

Then when she finds Lotor dead she takes Sincline and uses it to go to another reality where she can be with her family.

The danger comes when she opens rifts to the other realities and rift creatures start coming out and causing damage. The paladins fight them and follow her into the rift to stop whatever evil plan she may have. Because the paladins don’t know that Haggar is now Honerva and all this is just to get Lotor back. They think this is all some plan for multiverse domination or some shit.

Meanwhile Honerva has just been rejected by little Lotor and seeing Voltron show up pushes her over the edge and they fight.

But when they find out the real reason she’s doing all this they start trying to appeal to her and convince her to give up and close the rift peacefully. And similarly to how the paladins had to sacrifice the castle to close the rifts created by the fight with Lotor, Honerva has to sacrifice herself to close the rifts.

In the end, I feel like a Honerva redemption arc could’ve worked if the writers were actually competent and actually made an effort to have her be sympathetic, but In canon, her reasoning, “If I can’t indulge in the simple joys of life, why should anybody else?” just doesn’t cut it.

It’s disappointing. VLD had so much potential. I’m thinking of just rewriting the entire series from the beginning. Hopefully putting all my thoughts out into the universe will help me move on.

[finaledenialist]

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!! 

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no. 

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true. 

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I  am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity. 

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal.  And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn. 

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

[melon-kiss]

This is just going to be a ramble about everything Sherlock. You’re most welcome to discuss or just ignore it. I needed the space to vent.

I watched Sherlock. Again. I think it’s beginning to become my annual tradition. And I have a crisis. Don’t get me wrong, I am always Sherlollian at heart. It’s just… I have doubts sometimes. And what triggered those doubts this time was the fact that Sherlock calls Molly “John”. Twice. And then Irene Adler. And then one post on Tumblr. And many, many more.

OK, these are just my random thoughts. Enjoy if you’re willing to read them.

 1. “John”. “Molly”.

We often mix up names of people we consider to have the same place in our lives. Which is good, right? Right. Only, in Sherlock’s case, we’d have lean into the theory that Sherlock does love John romantically and feels the same way about Molly. Or concede the fact that he loves them both platonically. Neither of these options is really satisfying, isn’t it? Well, that’s why I’m struggling… One could say he’s in denial of feelings for Molly and identifies them as friendship, as this is the strongest, purest relationship in his life, the only one he describes as emotional and the closest he’s ever had to love. Besides, Molly and John are similar in one way – they both share the same – medical – knowledge. Of course, Sherlock doesn’t realise her other qualities until The Reichenbach Fall when she says she can help him whenever he needs it. It’s not until she’s honest with him again and tells him, without a shred of grudge, that she knows she means nothing to him, that he realises he has at least two friends. He calls her “John” when his mind is busy with something else, so there’s no room for any purposeful confusion. The same thing happens in The Empty Hearse. What else can it mean if not friendship?

 2. Nothing Hits Like Irene

Irene Adler is created as the love interest for Sherlock. Is she, though? Well, we see Sherlock utterly confused upon their first meeting. We also see him flirting and creating an atmosphere of sexual tension for the first time. OK, he saves her but then she vanishes, he got over her, I thought. And all was fine until The Lying Detective came and Irene Adler sent a text to Sherlock, first in such a long time. John, of course, suggests that if Sherlock should be romantically involved with anyone, it should be her. And then it hit me.

Irene Adler is the symbol of chemistry in Sherlock’s life.

She’s a dominatrix. She’s all about sex, that’s obvious. At the critical point of The Scandal in Belgravia Sherlock says: I believe John Watson thinks love’s a mystery for me but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very distractive. Sherlock discovers that he, indeed, can have chemistry with people. He doesn’t mention love, he merely says sentiment, referring to the crush Irene Adler had on him. She is, indeed, a simple distraction – you can see it clearly in his memory palace when he yells at her to get away. But Molly… Molly stays. She leads him through the entire process of surviving a shot.

And then Irene Adler returns in The Lying Detective. John confesses to Sherlock about texting with a stranger met on the bus. And that he wanted more. Sherlock says everyone gets to be human sometimes. Even he can’t resist the urge of replying to Irene Adler sometimes. It was all about attraction again.

And that’s why she’s not considered a romantic relationship in his life. John rambles about love changing him, to be more specific, the love of his woman changing him. But he says Irene’s a dangerous criminal. How would that change Sherlock in any way?

In The Final Problem, upon deducing the coffin, John suggests Irene Adler but she’s not his first thought in general once they all hear that this is about someone who loves Sherlock. Sherlock’s response is very telling: Don’t be ridiculous. Look at the coffin. It seems like Sherlock pieces the puzzle at once – the coffin, plus the “name” on the lid – it couldn’t have been Irene Adler.

And that’s why Sherlock calls her The Woman. As a symbol of his sexuality. The Woman who’s woken up certain impulses in his life.

 3. Makeshift Gauge

Who is she?, Sherlock asks John in His Last Vow.

Based on what Mofftiss duo said about Molly, she was supposed to be featured in two episodes top. Yet, she stayed. The uncanonical character not only stayed but became fans’ favourite. I think she became a useful tool for Moffat and Gatiss. I think that not only she represents Sherlock heart (of which existence he has no idea at first) but later becomes our makeshift gauge. For what? For measuring Sherlock’s progress. See, it’s like when you live with someone, you don’t notice when they put on weight or grew a little but those who see less of them will notice all changes right away. So, when Sherlock runs around with John, we don’t notice the change in his behaviour at once (also because he’s always been nice to him, from the very beginning), we need to focus to see that. But Molly pops by once per episode and we see how Sherlock’s perception changes. In season one, he has good intentions, but they turn out bad. In season two, he’s more neutral but doesn’t restrain himself from rude comments. And Molly is being Molly – tells him he’s rude in her natural, soft way and he says sorry. For the first time. Without anyone making him do that. Almost the same happens in The Reichenbach Fall – but this time, Molly doesn’t let herself be fooled by Sherlock’s arrogance and just ignores it, going straight to the point. She says: “I’m here for you” and lowers his defences. In season three, he spends an entire day with her, smiles at her and is the sweetest, softest Sherlock we’ve ever seen. Moreover, when Lestrade asks him about her helping him solve cases, he says: [John] is not in the picture anymore, implying that she not necessarily had to be a temporary replacement. In season four, he says I love you to her.

What can we deduce about his heart?

 4. The Eurus Conundrum

We could write an entire book about Eurus and not even be able to grasp her spirit. I’m not going to do that right now.

I have issues with what happened in season four finale. I mean – Molly, of course. Mycroft says Eurus and Jim Moriarty met five years ago, so before Moriarty revealed himself to Sherlock. They both planned the entire game for Sherlock. Does that mean Sherlock never really won with him? Does that mean Moriarty let him use Molly to “win”? Since she was included in Eurus’ plan, we can safely assume Jim knew about Molly back then. At first, when I saw Moriarty saying We both know that’s not quite true [that you don’t have a heart] in many Sherlolly fanvids, I was like naaaaah. He didn’t see her as one of the important people in Sherlock’s life, it couldn’t have been a reference to their meeting. But now… how deeply back in time was Eurus’ plan allocated? Which events did she predict?

Or maybe I’m missing something? Any thoughts on this?

 5. Sherlock Evergreen

I once came across a post here, about how BBC Sherlock is literature, about sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s struggle with his own genius character. He was over with him, didn’t feel like writing any more of his stories so he killed him, but fans demanded more. He kept writing, although he hated it from the bottom of his heart. Season four, so often considered as the worst of all of them, is a way of saying that Sherlock character is, unfortunately, invincible. Immortal. He will live forever. We can’t kill him, no one can. Even his creator couldn’t have done it.

In season four, Sherlock goes back to the start. He is a clean slate again. He went through the entire process of change – became a good Sherlock, considerate of other people’s feelings and emotions, appreciative, supportive, loving, ready to mend what he broke. That interpretation, although very good, kind of killed my Sherlolly spirit. But I guess every interpretation like this would do it. If we stop treating characters like real human being, we’re left with what they really are – a construct, tools, puppets in the author’s hands.

Based on this, I think we’re safe to say there will never be a fifth season of BBC Sherlock (gosh, how I wish I was wrong!). Why? Because, despite what Moffat said in an interview once (after season three finale he said they’ve plotted out the entire fourth and fifth season – liar, liar, pants on fire!), season four had the perfect ending. As mentioned above, Sherlock became a good man and Mary Watson summed up what Sherlock is all about: two man, a genius junkie and a former soldier, who solve the weirdest, the toughest of cases together in flat on 221B Baker Street. Now, Sherlock is ready to be taken over by other artists who may find a new way to tell his story (though, I don’t think so) all over again.

And that’s a big, big shame… I think I speak for at least most of Sherlollians when I say we’d like to see Sherlock and Molly’s first encounter after the call. The finale really closed all the story arcs and subplots, except for this one. I mean, c’mon. You don’t have to be a Sherlollian to be annoyed by this – just remember that it was such a “biggie” that Moffat was asked about this in an interview. And this may be another reason as to why we won’t ever get a fifth season of Sherlock – because that would mean taking a side. And none of the creators will do it because Sherlock cannot be an open-and-shut case. It has to be like literature: big, open, twisted, unclear and full of room for interpretation. As long as there’s no certain explanation – yes, Sherlock loves Molly, no, Sherlock is gay – we create more and more content out of the need of closure. Thanks to the room for interpretation, the story lives. I mean, it’s been four years since The Final Problem airing and here I am, discussing BBC Sherlock still.

 Coming back to Sherlolly… don’t worry. Though I’m still not sure that we can harvest any hard evidence for Sherlock’s feelings for Molly (other than friendship and respect), I’m still a Sherlollian. There two new fics waiting for me to pull myself together and write them. I think it’s good to have doubts – it means my brain hasn’t rotten yet and I can still be critical, I’m able of having my own opinions.

 Thank you if you managed to read it all! I’d love to discuss if you have any conclusions. If not, that’s fine, too. I just needed it get it out of my system.

PS WHY DOES MY POSTS IN ENGLISH SOUND SO SOPHISTICATED IN MY HEAD BUT WHEN I PUT THEM IN WRITING, THEY’RE SO SHITTY?!

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs (round #4) + commentary

Time for another (mostly) Destiel fic rec round-up post before my bookmarks get out of control! This one’s a mix of longer and some shorter fics (or series thereof), no particular theme except I guess a lot of angst, hurting Cas, and all the other things that tickle my Id. Several Season 9 human!Cas divergence fics, plus some later season angst-fests and rewrites.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) (52k) The first of two fics by this author which I absolutely fell in love with! Canon-divergence from the end of Season 11. Cas finds himself blasted to Naples, Italy by the banishing sigil in the bunker and he stumbles — almost literally — into a sexy, delightful Italian Man of Letters, Luca. When he makes his way back to the bunker and finds Dean still alive, he tries to confess his feelings but Dean panics and shuts him down. Cas goes back in Italy soon thereafter and ends up beginning a relationship with Luca, much to Dean’s chagrin. Meanwhile Sam is still missing and it turns out there may be some dangerous individuals who are out for Cas more so than even the Winchesters. 

I loved everything about this fic so much - Luca is an amazing OC, the Naples and London locations are wonderfully evoked and took me straight back to places I’d been. The angst, the pacing, the plotting and the eventual Dean/Cas getting together are all amazing and this is definitely on my re-read in the future list.

The rest of my recs below the cut!

My heart is beating from me by Enochian Things (Salr323) (55k) The other fic by this author that I literally inhaled in one day! Season 9 Human!Cas canon divergence. It’s been months since Sam and Dean have heard from Cas, and when they do, it’s in the form of a wedding invitation. Cas is getting married to Daphne - the woman who “rescued” him and named him Emmanuel when he’d lost all his memories post-Leviathans. It seems Cas went back to her while on his own and they’ve rekindled their relationship...whatever it is. Dean just knows something isn’t right about her, so he sets out to investigate and try to figure out WTF Cas is doing before it’s too late. 

This story is so, so good! The case Dean gets Cas to come along on is unique and provides a neat investigation subplot, but what’s so especially wonderful is the explanation the author gives of who Daphne really is — and why she’d been so cool about just having a strange man with no memories move in to be her “husband” (and then want to marry him for real a couple years later, after he’d vanished from her life!) In fact it’s so brilliant I’m basically accepting it as my Daphne headcanon from now on and I don’t want to spoil it. The fic is also great in exploring Cas still struggling with understanding human emotions, customs and etiquette, Sam is A Very Good Friend, and Dean is, well, Dean. (I’m just sad this author hasn’t written more SPN fics because what they have is just brilliant.)

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k) Wonderful, shorter Season 9 canon divergence fic by an author who consistently makes me happy. Human!Cas leaves the bunker with a few things to get off the ground from Dean and directions to connect with Garth...but he ditches that plan to try to find his way on his own. It’s wonderfully detailed about the basic struggles of survival, finding work, making ends meet and trying to make some new friends...and why it’s important for him to prove he can make it on his own before he’s willing to welcome Dean (back) into his life.

I Through My Window See by deHavilland (26k) This is an interesting one, written well before we had canon human!Cas in Season 9. Canon-divergence in which Cas remains human after they avert the apocalypse in Season 5. Sam and Dean set him up in an apartment in Sioux Falls and then...just kind of abandon him there. He spends most of a year just barely existing before a visit from Sam finally stirs him out of his inertia and depression, to eventually get a job and also start hunting on his own. This is an interesting read, if just to see an author exploring the idea of human!Cas abandoned by Dean a few years before it actually...ended up becoming canon! I love how Cas is written in this (it’s a story much like the next one on my list that I thought does an amazing, realistic job of capturing what depression feels like), but I do have some issues with Dean. It’s never fully resolved or explained why Dean was being such an ass so I honestly wasn’t totally sold on the ending - I wanted some more out of Dean, some more explanation or apology or something. It’s a story that would have been great to have a sequel from Dean’s POV but after all this time, that will just have to exist in my brain, I suppose! Still worth a read because it’s excellently written, Cas becomes totally bad ass again by the end and it’s always fun to read early SPN fic speculating on future developments.

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k) I found myself inhaling a bunch of wonderful short ficlets by this author the other day, but this is the one I had to stop at to rec. It’s another Season 9 divergence fic, of a sort - Cas is newly human, for the sake of the story there’s no Abbadon to worry about, Sam is healed...and Sam wants to move out and get on with his own life. Cas and Dean are both struggling with adapting to their new lives and it’s a hauntingly rich and stark portrayal of depression, inertia, and the slow healing process of accepting and adapting to change. I also liked that this story gives us a Dean who is a little more aware of his feelings for Cas and they both struggle to reach out to each other - for once it’s not sexuality causing a crisis of identity but all the other shit they are coping with.

Don't Sing Love Songs by ireallydidthistomyself (17k). I’m not normally a big fan of baby/toddler!Jack fics - I like the angst that he was forced to grow up too quickly, and in general I’m not big on kid!fic in fandom. This author’s work is a big exception to that. They’ve written several stories along a similar theme: Cas raising Jack on his own/in secret for years, Dean only finding them or coming back into their lives later on. But this is the version of that idea that really packed the most punch for me and was incredibly emotionally satisfying. Dean finds Cas after 6 years, where he’s kept Jack mostly isolated and safe from the world. But with Dean allowed back into his life, Cas may be inviting grave danger upon Jack as well. This one ripped my heart out but managed to make it all better by the end.

Better Ways to Kill Our Time by always_a_birthday_girl (8k) I don’t know why I torture myself reading Dean-in-the-Ma’lak-box AUs, but I do. I think because it’s pretty much my biggest nightmare/horror and for some reason it’s cathartic while terrifying? Anyway here’s one where Dean goes through with his plan, Cas crashes and burns for most of a year, until Dean finally starts doing what he promised he wouldn’t: praying to him. Cas figures out a way to communicate back and over the distance, they manage to have certain conversations they should have years before. It’s painful but lovely and there is a happy ending, so it’s well worth the read!

Time Flows Like Water and We're Drowning by triedunture (7.9k) A little break from the later-seasons stuff I (mostly?) read, featuring a seriously hot (but angsty) Cas/Endverse!Cas/Dean threesome. When Zacariah’s plan to show Dean the future doesn’t change his mind about taking on his “responsibility”, he sends Endverse!Cas back in time to try to convince Cas instead, showing him what he’s to become. I don’t think Zac expected it to turn into a threesome, but it’s hot and beautiful and sad and wonderful all at once. 

hachikireru by vaudelin  (23k) At one point I went on a wallow-fest of reading a bunch of sad 14x20-15x03 divorce-arc fics. Just to hurt myself more, I guess. I know this fic’s been recced around a lot (at least on fail_fandomanon) and I can see why! After leaving the bunker, Cas ends up in Sioux Falls to visit Claire. She’s busy tracking down leads to find Kaia’s killer and he decides to go along with her on one such hunt. But what they find is an unexpected supernatural threat targeting those with broken hearts. Well. I think you know where that might be leading. This is a wonderful casefic with lots of character moments between Cas & Claire and then Cas & Dean, working through their pain and angst and just...it’s a very satisfying read.

Moriah Codas: A Trilogy by Toomanyfandoms99 (11k total) A series of 3 shorter fics spinning off the events of 14x20, developing a slightly divergent universe the author’s written where Cas does have his wings back and has helped resurrect a few of the angels (Balthazar, Gabriel, and Samandriel in particular). This series is absolutely heartbreaking — Cas is completely broken by Jack’s loss, has “fallen out of love” with Dean after he was ready to kill Jack, and sees no way back to what he’d had and felt before. He’s determined to just let the Empty take him...but not until he and his assembled squad of “avenging angels” clean up the mess Chuck has created, smiting zombies and taking out super-powered monsters across North America. 

Cas’s motorcycle gang/angel squad is so fucking awesome (I want a happy fic where they do this!) and this is BAMF!Cas at his finest. I just have to include a quote:

He set down the empty glass, and Gabriel said, “well, dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to kick some zombie ass. Since they have chosen to amass in Carthage, we are here to take out as many as we can without causing this town to flip the fuck out. Are we in agreement?”

“I expect,” Balthazar grinned, “a full-on bar brawl. Do not disappoint me.”

“Cassie, Driel,” Gabriel addressed the duo, “how are we with weapons?”

“I have enough machetes in a storage facility uptown to film a Jackie Chan movie,” Castiel said.

But it’s also utterly and completely heartbreaking, so don’t read this one if you need a happy ending. If you do read, check out the author’s other later-season coda fics and fic series as they are all really great.

to mend what is not broken by gothyringwald (2.6k) This last short one I’ve mentioned before, but I just have to rec it again! It was my gift for the 2021 Hurt Comfort Gift Exchange and it’s everything I wanted, and more. Sweet and caring Dean, wounded but still prideful Cas, and some lovely wing!kink/wing!care that pushes all of my button just right.

Anyway, that’s it for now as I think this is long enough. If you enjoy my recs, could you let me know? I try to not just list titles but give some commentary...as it helps me re-find stories I enjoyed the most, too!

[evakuality]

Hanna, episode 7

1.  It’s really interesting what they’re doing with Amira this whole season.  It’s setting up to a whole lot of the stuff that happens in the later seasons really well.  She suffers so many microaggressions all the time, and even here - she makes a joke about costumes parties and they all just swallow it.  It’s a really vivid recognition all the way through of exactly how much Amira deals with on a daily basis.  Considering we all know where this is leading, it’s difficult to watch, but also it’s good that they do this.  

2.  But oh yikes, this whole bunch of rumours swirling about Sam ‘making out’ with someone at the party is really well done.  It’s pretty obvious that no-one genuinely knows - the only people who know what happened are Hanna and Sam (and ‘making out’ isn’t exactly how I’d describe it) so the rumours are all based on a love of gossip.  Who knows how they started, but it’s obvious just how guilty Hanna feels.  How awkward for her to be hearing this!  Then her very very obvious ‘I have a boyfriend so it wasn't me!!’ move (very similar to Matteo’s in s3 in the discussion about homosexuality with Amira, which is illuminating - they both want to try to ‘prove’ something with these moves).  Also, Kiki and her thing about Alex - it’s terrible how invested she is when it’s obvious that he’s being an asshole.  The excuses she makes for him unfortunately ring true - this is exactly how people try to convince themselves of this sort of stuff.  In reality it’s a shame the girls aren’t more forceful - they clearly want to say Kiki is being an idiot, but after Amira got shut down last time, it seems none of them is keen to be more explicit.  

3.  Ohhh poor Hanna.  This thing has been eating at her and she had to tell someone about it.�� But choosing Matteo was NOT a good idea.  I mean, we all know this is going badly (Snakesak is such an iconic take on the season that even if you forgot everything else, you’d remember that), but even without that, Matteo feels a bit more... I don’t know.  Shifty?  Somehow?  There’s something really calculating in the way he examines her.  Like, even without knowing what’s coming, there’s clearly something goin on in his head.  With Isak it came out of the blue; he was set up much more supportive/innocent because they wanted the shock value when the reveal happened.  But with Matteo there’s something different. I guess at least partly because most people watching would already know what’s coming so hiding it is less imperative.  Hanna sees him as a friend and the only one she can tell, but it’s such a weird choice anyway (as it was in the original).  He’s Jonas’s best friend.  Like he says, why tell him?  Even if he wasn’t a little snake, this is putting him in a really difficult place.  Effectively this makes him choose between his best friend (who he’s kind of in love with even if she doesn’t know that) and his friend.  Him choosing to let Jonas know wouldn’t be all that strange and it’s a big risk to take before she knows he sits in the ‘don’t tell’ camp.  I am also baffled that they did this with other people in earshot.  It could totally get out, even if this girl agrees she should keep quiet.

4.  I really like this adaptation of the ‘claim’ Alex makes into ‘he told me I have a cute stomach’ instead of the hoodie thing in the original (though that works very well too).  This way it’s much less overt and also it really plays into Kiki’s fears about her looks.  We’ve seen small hints of her eating issues already, so this just adds to the weight of that.  Specifically targeting a body part that girls can be sensitive about is clever - at first it can seem sweet, like he’s being so nice about something vulnerable, but then you can see he’s being very deliberate with that impression and it really hammers home the insecurities Kiki is already harbouring.  

5.  It’s a fascinating dynamic between all the girls in the argument about how Kiki should deal with Alex.  I’m with Sam and Amira - stay above it and move on (tbh, Kiki should never have gone there in the first place, but she did so this is her current best option).  But the fact that Mia is so strongly in favour of telling him he’s a dick is swaying Kiki.  Of course, Mia is a strong person and from her it probably would feel empowered.  But Kiki is, and always has been, far more innocent and vulnerable and sensitive.  It doesn’t feel like (even without knowing where this goes) that this will go well for Kiki, and the fact that Mia doesn’t get that says a lot about her.  I like this; it’s nice to see her not being quite right here - it sets her up for some growth as we move on.  And super yikes when he tells Kiki to take a breath and she does.  This, the importance she places on him, is exactly why this was a terrible idea, and why Mia’s encouragement was wrong.  It’s easy for her - she’s not invested, and her failure to recognise the difference between her and Kiki is really important.  And Alex is SUCH an asshole that this scene is so hard to watch.  Kiki’s acting is superb in all these scenes and it’s so damn hard to watch her take in ‘you’re not worth it’ but as with the original, Mia’s ‘take down’ doesn’t land for me, probably because while Alex’s acting is far superior to William’s, there’s still a fundamental lack of caring about what she’s said.  It doesn’t feel like saving face, but more a genuine lack of care.  And this is why I really dislike this ‘William’ character; he doesn’t seem to care.  I have said before that I’ve never watched Mia’s season because I cannot stand William in the original.  So if I do watch I’ll be interested to see if they can make me like him better.  So far, they’re not succeeding.  

6.  And just like that, we’re back to the soft, dreamy colours and shots of the start of the season.  But there’s a harsher light coming in to some of the shots. particularly with Jonas and so it’s not comfortable.  This is something on a precipice.  The kissing is back and they’re reconnecting on that level, and it’s working again.  The darkness is gone, but things are hovering still - that Sam stuff on her phone with Jonas in the background, slightly blurred but very overlit, adds to the sense of unease.  You can feel something coming, even if it’s not obvious what that is.  

7.  Man this fight is so funny.  I know I shouldn’t say that, and it’s a very serious moment for Hanna, but the slo-mo and the faces they make!  And Amira’s moves!  Kiki, full-on legs wrapped around this girl as they both collapse to the ground!  Priceless.  I do like the way the sound gradually fades out as Hanna’s realisation of what’s happening sets in.  That’s really well done.  

8.  What a change from the earlier moment when Hanna woke with Jonas and they had their sweet little moment.  Now we’re fairly tight in on her face as she keeps trying to get hold of him.  It sucks a lot, and you can sense the anxiety and worry she’s feeling.  Also, I do understand why she feels the way she does about all this, and why she leans on Matteo.  Unlike earlier, here it makes sense for her to rely on Jonas’s best friend.  He’s the one who has the best line in to Jonas when he’s staying so distant from Hanna.  But wow his advice is truly shitty.  On the surface it seems sensible, both times.  Nah don’t tell him; it’ll only hurt him.  Nah leave him be; he needs time and space.  But in both instances it’s the complete opposite of how she should be acting.  And in both cases, Matteo knows Jonas, he knows what he’s like and how he’ll act.  This is so calculated.  And he’s still in a space where he has little to lose.  He feels like he can still ride the ‘hey I had their best interests at heart’ line and get out of it.  I always felt like Isak was more opportunistic in his lying; saying and doing things in the moment.  Whereas this really does feel like Matteo has thought it through more - that’s some difference in the way the two characters are presented and acted.  But I like that it’s different, and his little hint of a smaile when she collapses on him - Isak seemed a lot more genuinely wrapped up in Eva and his face seemed more overwhelmed.  But Matteo really seems to know what he’s doing.  Also - sound mixing in this scene: top notch.  I love that you can hear every swallow, every breath, every step, movement etc.  It really heightens the tension right up til she gets Jonas’s ‘don’t call me’ text.

9.  I said it before and I’ll say it again, Leonie’s savage pleasure in Hanna’s troubles is a real reflection on her - and not a good one.  I really do get that she’s hurt, but this is vicious and she’s being awful!  And Kiki - ugh, just be quiet child.  Calling other girls sluts is pretty shitty.  

10.  I really like that Eva’s mother morphs into Hanna’s father.  There’s a difference in this dynamic that builds on that difference.  Eva and her mother seem closer, even while her mother isn’t around much.  Hanna’s father just feels more absent emotionally, so these moments where he tries to be a dad fail because of that.  It’s obvious that he cares for her and that he’s trying, but equally obvious that he just doesn’t know what she needs or how to approach her.  Not that Eva’s mother was much better, but it was still a different sort of distance.

anyway, this is suuuuper long because so much happened in this episode.  It’s packed with a lot of stuff and while some stuff is starting to resolve, there’s so much that’s hanging over their heads still.  I like this one a lot, but I think it could have done with a little bit of breathing room.  Maybe that one episode where it felt like things were waiting to happen could have picked up some of this heavy lifting.  But either way, this one has a lot going for it and really does set us up for what’s coming in the next few.

[dreamingofscully]

MOVIE: “The X-Files: Fight the Future” - X-Files Rewatch

"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down." - Scully "But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You've kept me honest ... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything ... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can ... and if I quit now, they win." - Mulder

Seeing XF in theatres. The black screen, and suddenly the theme music, the oil, the Title on screen. One of the best moments of my life.

How do we go from the devastation of "The End" to the happy, jokey Mulder and Scully at the beginning of the movie?

I have some ideas, which are currently in development.

"Mulder, it's me." First line. ❤️

Introducing the characters to a new audience: Scully as the rational one, Mulder "playing a hunch".

Joking with each other, incredible banter and UST. Such a wonderful team.

They are in a good place here.

Mulder hitting something when frustrated.

SCULLY IS BADASS LISTEN TO HER!!

Standing beside each other when they get into the snack room with the bomb,

Scully grabbing Mulder, yelling at him to leave.

He has a sense something's wrong. His self-sacrificing nature, doesn't care about his danger.

Scully in the meeting, Mulder's late. 😥

That they cover for each other. Blaming themselves for what happened and not wanting the other to take any responsibility. (Mulder would have been lying to protect Scully here. When the SAC ordered M&S to leave him, against regulations, Scully listened while Mulder pushed back.)

Outside the meeting

Scully's suit is so... Hnnng. I think it’s the same one she wears at the end of the movie. I’d wear it every day. Jesus.

Mulder with his sleeves rolled up, how long was he waiting?

Both of them are so damned beautiful this movie.

They're being split up. Not just to different departments but different STATES.

- Mulder moves a bit closer when she tells him this.

"And now if they were to transfer me to Omaha or Cleveland, or some field office, it just doesn't hold the interest for me that it once did. Not after what I've seen and done." - Scully

Not to mention being separated from Mulder.

Mulder realizes she's quitting, which he assumes means he's losing her.

Scully's in a place where she feels that she can't or won't get answers, and she can move on from the X-Files with relatively little fuss. In fact, the price that she feels both her and Mulder keep paying seems too steep for the bits and pieces that they get. Even if they get the truth, get answers, will they be able to hold those responsible to justice? Scully doesn't think so, not any more. So is it worth it? Only because Mulder is there, she needs to watch his back, and she loves working with him. But if he decided to leave, to do something else, she would be fine with it. He can't, because of his sister, ultimately. But all throughout season 5 (since Redux probably: “That would mean that for 4 years we've been nothing more than pawns in a game, that it was a lie from the beginning. Mulder, these men... You give them your faith and you're supposed to trust them with your life.”) and then season 6 we see Scully drifting away from wanting to work on the X-Files, wanting to leave and bring Mulder with her. She won't leave without Mulder, unless forced to by larger powers. She's leaving the bureau to STAY with Mulder, not to leave him. Mulder thinks there's some hope they can get the X-Files back, together, and that if she leaves the FBI he won't see her again.

"Maybe you should ask yourself if your heart's still in it, too." - Scully

Scully is asking him to move on WITH her. Mulder assumes she is just leaving and abandoning not only him but their work on the X-Files. The answers and the truth (and his sister) still mean a lot to him.

Scully knows how relentless Mulder is. She loves it but it's also frustrating. He can't give up and will still pursue his answers in whatever way he can. What is her choice? Stay in the bureau and get transferred away with some hope of returning and working with him or leaving the bureau and having some sort of friendship/relationship with him outside of their work.

Her soft "I'm sorry." when he goes to leave.

Knowing she's disappointing him, even if she thinks she doesn't matter.

Scully's sad face when she gives him his jacket. Her hesitance about leaving in the hallway.

Mulder drinking. [["I usually, I normally never, I don’t drink.." (Syzygy)]]

Feeling pretty sorry for himself.

"One is the loneliest number." - Mulder

Thinking about his impending split from Scully. 😥

"I heard you come in here now and again, figured you'd be needing a little drinkie tonight." - Kurtzweil to Mulder

When did he start going to the bar occasionally? During Scully's cancer perhaps, losing himself in his sorrow.

Going to Scully's after hearing what Kurtzweil said. Maybe the last chance he has to do something with her. 😥

She can't sleep. 😥

Their interaction at Scully's apartment.

"Are you drunk, Mulder?" - Scully "I ... I ... I was until about 20 minutes ago, yeah." - Mulder "Was that before or after you decided to come here?" - Scully "What exactly are you implying?" - Mulder

Scully thinking he's just drunk, that he came here to get her to change her mind, to do something neither of them has had the guts to do sober. But she doesn't want anything from an inebriated Mulder.

BUT! Don't worry Scully it's just a case. 😥

I think Scully's wearing the same coat as the one she wore in Christmas Carol.

She always knows to pack gloves around Mulder.

Standing close over the body.

Love Scully in the cold room & the phone ringing. Her panicked face. Mulder just left her there. 🙄

Hiding under the gurneys. 😆

Scully arriving in Dallas. Mulder wasn't sure if she'd come but his face says everything - so happy she changed her mind. He needs her.

Standing closely over the microscope. His FACE! He loves her. ❤️

Scully's face when she sees what's under the microscope.

I really love Well-Manicured Man. Seems more similar to Mulder's father, except having stayed more involved with the Consortium rather than quitting it completely. He wants to do the right thing, but found himself in a strange position of power and forced to do bad things. He's still terrible, of course, but much more nuanced than CSM.

"Mulder" saw one of the infected bodies. What about Scully? Why are we forgetting about how important she is here? Ugh.

"Then you must take away what he holds most valuable. That with which he can't live without." - Strughold

Cut to shot of Scully.

Everyone knows what they mean to each other, except each other. 🙄

I mean... I'm conflicted here. Love that we're acknowledging that Scully is something Mulder can't live without but at the same time she's not just important in terms of how Mulder feels about her. She's the reason that Mulder is as close as he is to the truth, that he's been able to do so much and be such a pain in the ass. If not for her, he'd probably be unwittingly working for the Consortium by now.

"Five years together, Scully. How many times I been wrong? Never. Not driving anyway." - Mulder

In the car - their teamwork, their compromise. Mulder drives straight instead of going right (Scully) or left (Mulder). And because of this, they find what they were looking for. A bit of a 'knock you on the head' metaphor, but oh well. They find their answers not because of Mulder and not because of Scully but because they work together to reach the truth. The danger comes from them both being a team, not from either of them separately.

The scene with Mulder bashfully admitting this is an extraterrestrial virus to Scully is so darn cute. I wish they'd kept Scully's swearing in the final movie, that would have been amazing.

Mulder keeps looking back at her, making sure she's with them, as they approach the white structures in the cornfield.

When the bees come, Mulder taking her hand/wrist, going back to help her. Putting his arm around her.

Scully's wild hair. ❤️ Mulder gazing.

Yelling at each other in the cornfield. PEAK X-FILES!!

MULDERRRRRRR! SCULLAYYYYYYYY!

Mulder's face when they find each other. His hand on her arm.

At the meeting, Scully looking disheveled as she arrives late.

HALLWAY SCENE.

Scully resigns because she doesn't want to go to Utah. The appeal of working for the bureau has waned after working for Mulder and seeing how things really are with the corrupt government.

What she wants is HERE, in D.C.

Mulder doesn't want her to quit because he thinks there is some hope they can get the X-Files back, knows he can't do it without her. And he thinks he's losing her if they don't work together. That the only way he can have her at his side is if they are partners. That he doesn't deserve her in any other way, or that she'd even want it.

Like she told Mulder earlier - her heart isn't in it if she's not with him.

"I need you on this, Scully." - Mulder "You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back." - Scully

Her thoughts from the past while:

“Folie à Deux”: not believing in him. In fact, refusing to do so and nearly getting him killed

From “The End”: Finding out about Diana: a previous partner who also had a romantic relationship with him, who was able to work with him and believe him

Also, their office, all their files and work destroyed: Not only does Mulder not have the proof Scully wanted to give him, but they lost the X-Files; Scully feels responsible. They were warned (by Diana no less) about pursuing this course of action, and Mulder chose Scully's way - and they were punished for it.

She thought she could make a difference in the FBI, but she feels like she hasn't (her comment from earlier in the hallway at the FBI)

So - she feels like she holds him back. She can't believe, feels like she can't be that person. She can never be the person he needs and wants. She caused their work to be destroyed, for him to lose everything important to him.

I love how she just shoves her face into his chest. 😍

Mulder never planned to tell her these things (they don't normally talk about their feelings), but he can't let her say that she doesn't matter. She is everything to him. 😍

Mulder's spontaneity.

For all of season 5, he's been holding himself back, despite knowing how he feels about her, because he's felt he doesn't deserve to be loved, especially by her.

His feelings come rushing out here

No "I love you" but everything that those words mean to him.

Scully's emotional state. Her chest heaving, tears welling in her eyes. His words to her mean everything. Acknowledging that she completes him, that she makes their work possible. That she is critical to his quest. That he doesn't want to do it without her, doesn't think he can.

Everything that she's wanted to hear from him, that she's wanted to BE to him - proven to her by his words for once. Actions may be stronger proof, but you can always deny their true meaning, misinterpret the gestures. But then he backs those words up with more actions...

Scully can't look at him whole he's talking, afraid of what her eyes will reveal. Holding him, kissing his forehead with affection. Familiarity. They've done this before to comfort and she loves to touch him.

UNTIL-- !!! She realizes what he's about to do, what his eyes are saying. Her world shifts -- HE LOVES HER?!

How did that damn bee know to pick this very moment. ARGH.

Mulder's concern when she pulls away sharply. Thinking that he crossed a line, that she doesn't want this. MORE GUILT.

Her reassurance turning to fear. Bees - can't be a coincidence.

Mulder's tenderness and fear when she collapses.

LGM ❤️

Instant rescue mode: WHERE'S SCULLY??

Mulder just throwing Byers' jacket in the street. LOL

WMM - knows exactly what to do to get Mulder into the car with him. Everyone knows except Mulder and Scully how they feel about each other... Well they sorta have an idea now.

"Save Agent Scully" - hmm, OK, you just killed Kurtzweil but I'm listening.

IN the end WMM gives Mulder the vaccine/coordinates not out of any altruistic motives, just out of a need to help his own family - disagrees with the rest of the consortium on their methods (that they are willing to work with the aliens despite new information that they are being used). Mulder is WMM's best chance to fight the aliens and the virus, but he knows Mulder needs Scully. Mulder would be USELESS and LOST without her.

When the car blows up Mulder's face, he’s shocked, realizing the truth in WMM’s words but still focused on his goal -- SCULLY.

Just think about how much pain he must be in. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.

Goes to ANTARCTICA to save her. Doesn't think twice. What a hero.

At the ship, seeing everything, what it could mean. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.

Seeing her clothes and necklace in the transport container. The first evidence that she's here.

Finding her! Desperately breaking her out of the container.

"I'm cold." 😥

His hand on her face.

Definitely sees her naked.

She's so pale. 😥

Lifting and carrying her when she can't continue.  

The mouth-to-mouth. Her joke when she comes back. ❤️ "Had you big time." And her smile.

When they get out Mulder keeps his hands on her.

He just wants her to SEE to BELIEVE him ❤️ He wants to share that with her.

SHE SAYS SHE SAW IT. Mulder's like "FINALLY!"

Their cuddle on the snow. Scully's face in his hair.

The ending scene.

Mulder on the bench, watching Scully approach. Looking fabulous! ❤️

Mulder and Scully's positions are reversed compared to the hallway scene.

Mulder doesn't want to watch her die - this she was leaving him when she was resigning.

Scully now has the determination to continue - that Mulder did what he did to save her, what she saw even if she can't explain it or admit it.

AND she knows how he feels about her. He loves her, she believes in that at least. She wants to give him reason to continue, knowing he won't do it without her.

"You were right to want to quit! You were right to want to leave me! You should get as far away from me as you can! I'm not going to watch you die, Scully, because of some hollow personal cause of mine. Go be a doctor. Go be a doctor while you still can." - Mulder

Mulder's guilt - telling her to leave him and be a doctor. That she went through hell because of HIM. (Not thinking about how he went through hell to get her BACK. Of COURSE he would, but it doesn't seem significant to him.)

That she was CURED. That there is a vaccine for this thing. Scully needs to pursue it and she needs to be with him to do so. As a scientist this would be incredible exciting. She has some physical proof, some tangible thing she can focus on, not just an endless search. That their work can potentially lead to something good, that can save lives.

Scully encourages him and he loves her for it.

She grabs his hand but then Mulder holds hers in his. ❤️ 

The actual ending. More forgetting about Scully. "He is but one man. One man alone cannot fight the future." Like, FUCK OFF. Shoulda left it with the previous scene. 😩

[night-rise]

F.O.W.L’s PLAN

F.O.W.L... The fiendish organization for World larceny..

They live up to their reputation of being fiendish. A group of criminal masterminds with enough power, brains and resources to give people like Scrooge and Darkwing Duck a run for their money. They are a threat that have the capability to destroy the entire duck family.

Scary part is... that’s just what they’re doing this season..

Their sights are set on anyone connected to Scrooge McDuck and they have stepped out of the shadows to challenge them and destroy them once and for all...

But how?

What’s the plan? What plan can be great enough to challenge them? The Duck family have conquered shadow armies, an alien invasion and have defeated countless other villains.

This beautiful family is strong and is growing stronger with each new ally they meet. BOY’D is a freakin super robot now! And we have Lena! She’s already an army in one lol What could FOWL possibly do to match this families strength?

Well that’s what we’re here to find out! And I think I got something.. Something that very well could be the end of Scrooge and his family...

Hey guys! NightRise here with another head scratching theory that will have you up all night pondering

In my previous and first FOWL theory (which I would suggest you go read before reading this. It’s super short don’t worry lol) I talked about the connections between the Bounce serum and Fentons Energy Crystal. How they both could be related to a larger scheme because both are related to BOUNCING.

But how do these two things fit in with fitches journal? The thing that seems to be FOWLS main focus this season.

What’s the missing piece to this plan?

Well I’m here to kick start the many possibilities that is FOWLS plan and help you all see the connections. Maybe you’ll take something from this to help with your own theories.

Now I’m telling you right now that this theory is absolutely a stretch and has about a 50% chance of being accurate. For the obvious reasons being that we’re not even half way through the season yet and we still have so much more of FOWL left to see.

But because of the pieces that I found connecting so well together and the show going on a little hiatus (boo) I thought I’d go ahead and drop this off now.

It’ll be my final theory on this fiendish organization and I want to share it with you the good people so you have something during the break to think over and keep you up at night theorizing.

So with that VERY long introduction out of the way, lets rise into this:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the bounce serum and it’s capabilities. What FOWL was going to use it for and how they think it’ll help them rule the world.

But how exactly? How does bouncing help with that?

Black Heron said she wanted to use the serum to create super soldiers to cause mass destruction and chaos across the- ... (Why am I having Captain America flashbacks...?)

Anyway!

But the thing with that is from what I’ve seen the Bounce juice doesn’t really cause mass destruction when its consumed by a normal person. It just makes them bounce and invulnerable to fall damage. It didn’t create a shockwave of destruction or anything like that when they landed. So how is she going to cause destruction with it?

Bouncing is only good for escaping or surviving from high up places. How could it possibly destroy anything?

Well I got to thinking. What happens when we bounce in a second story house on the top floor? It creates a stomp. A loud BOOM!

Vibrations

And the higher we jump the greater that vibe is. So I got to thinking where would strong vibrations be the most effective and catastrophic?

UNDERGROUND!

Earthquakes!

According to an adorable red hatted nerd we know, Earthquakes are shifting plates that move.

But as also stated by another adorable duckling “who’s pushing the plates”

(Okay so you might already know where I’m going with this and like I stated previously this is what I meant by this theory being stretched and far fetched. But this was the ONLY connection I could make with this so please bear with me, you’re about to see the connections I PROMISE)

There are only one species I know that are capable of causing earthquakes with little to no effort..

The final piece that I think is in FOWLS plan is.......

The Terrafirmians!

I know, I KNOW it’s crazy. And some of you are probably already leaving but HEAR. ME. OUT. PLEASE. Let me SPEAK. Cause I’m about to explain why.

As usual I’ll try to keep it as brief as I can:

Terrafirmians, ancient rock like cretrues that live in a society deep underground. Not much different from the above ground civilization.

Their capability to move around the earth effortlessly is amazing. And they are incredibly strong. With little to no effort they were able to make a clean safe passage back to the surface for the Duck family in a matter of seconds. Their rock like exterior makes them almost impenetrable.

Honestly they would make the perfect soldiers for anybody.........

So why wouldn’t FOWL want them in their army? They certainly can find a use for them. One specific use in general:

To use the juice

The Bounce juice is an organic drink, so you can’t give it to an army of robots. And we’ve seen what happens when you give it to a normal person. Not much.

But the Terrafirmians with their already tough exterior (which was redesigned in this reboot series. From furry and plush to rocky and tough) would cause a lot of damage if they were bouncing around everywhere. Bouncing is how they operate. They bounce and crash into rocks. But instead of digging right through the earth they’ll bounce right off of it, creating vibrations.

That serum would be perfect for them. Perfect for FOWL. An impenetrable army that could cause so much destruction in an instant. It’s the perfect plan.

Think of the time gap between the two missions involving the bounce serum.

Why did Heron return after so much time had past?

For so many years she could’ve attempted to capture Beakley and get the serum information she needed. So many chances. Why wait? Why was FOWL so quiet for so long and then suddenly pick up where they left off DECADES ago?

What changed?

I’ll tell you what changed. The plan changed. The original idea they had for the serum.

When Heron was explaining the plan she didn’t really sound like she had all the pieces together. Just soldiers bouncing “here, there and everywhere”. It was messy and not well put together.

It sounded like a disorganized plan for an organization.

FOWLS original plan was incomplete and had too many errors. So it was unnecessary at the time. That’s why FOWL didn’t try to go after the juice the first time Heron failed to acquire it. They weren’t desperate. They didn’t need it then. They found it unnecessary.

So why is it now that they are trying to complete that mission? What makes now different from back then? Why is it now necessary to acquire the serum after all this time?

Because they found the final piece they needed.

The Terrafirmians

But wait! How are we even sure we’d see them ever again in this season? Well because we only saw 4-5 of them. There’s an entire civilization of these guys. Are we really not going to explore more of them? This season is all about Huey so why wouldn’t we go back to the first obstacle he faced in the series?

Think I’m crazy?

Remember what Bradford Buzzard said at the end of Double-O-Duck? “We’re going to take it from them. From right underneath McDucks nose” UNDERNEATH! That’s gotta be a clue.

Their FOWL base!! Its underground! They moved from a tower to an underground lair. WHY? The tower looked perfectly fine to me. It seemed to be working just fine. Why move underground? That’s another clue.

But how does Fitches journal (which was found UNDERGROUND) fit into all this? Well allow me to explain.

The Terrafirmians are a peaceful friendly tribe, that have no beef with surface dwellers. If they had a problem with them they would’ve showed up a long time ago. But they haven’t. It’s obvious they want peace.

This doesn’t fit in with FOWLS plan though. So they are looking for a way to change the Terrafirmians way of thinking. Take away their peaceful ideals. They want to corrupt them. Control them

Mind control.

They are looking for an artifact that helps with that. It’s become obvious that they are not looking to acquire every artifact in that journal.

If that was the case they would’ve been there to steal the Harp from the ducks or showed up after they left to take it. But they didn’t. Not a sign of them anywhere.

And they already have the third eye diamond. Found in their personal archives. (How that’s possible is full of theories that I will leave to someone else to work on lol)

But by the way it was presented in the episode Double-O-Duck, it didn’t seem like it was needed. Or important. Just a side project. Why?

Because they are after a SPECIFIC artifact. One that would help with controlling the Terrafirmians. That’s what Bradford meant by “The race is on”. The race to the final key they need. The final key like...

The Stone of What Was!

“STONE”. That’s already connected to the earth. There’s a chance this stone is with the Terrafirmians. Or it might be the case that this stone will help whoever has it find the hidden civilization that is the Terrafirmians.

Kinda strange they’re saving that one for last, don’t you think?

Could that be the final thing they need? Would that bring them total control? Who knows but it’s interesting that the creators of the series would save that adventure for last.

But wait, how does Fentons crystal fit into all of this? How would that help FOWL in anyway?

Well if my previous theory was correct, Gandra is already working on that solution.

See that’s the thing about theories everybody! When you do them, include everyone that applies to it!

Putting certain characters in scenarios that fit them. And that’s what I did with Gandra. Shes a scientist plus she has a connection with Fenton. Her and Fenton obviously are going to meet again. What else would she possibly work on?

She’s going to replicate Fentons experiment on a larger scale. Wrap the Terrafirmians in that same synthetic crystal, like clothing or Energy suits, to boost the power of their bounce.

The greater the bounce the greater the vibration.

FOWL is going to control an army of Terrafirmans, give them bounce juice and wrap them up in Fentons Synthetic crystal so they’ll be powerful enough to create INSTANT EARTHQUAKES!

But not in a city wide rage! Specific locations. FOWL said they don’t want to destroy the world. Just the Duck family. In fact they don’t want to destroy the world at all. But steal it from everybody else. What better way to do that then to have an army of earthquack making soldiers that can split up and target each individual family member and take them out unsuspectedly?

FOWL said it themselves they want to do things smarter. What’s smarter than an earthquake making army you can’t see coming that can take you out before you even know what’s going on? At anytime. ANYWHERE.

The very world itself would turn against the Duck family. It’ll be robbed from them!

They don’t call it “WORLD LARCENY” for nothing am I right?

Magica and Lunaris already tried taking the aggressive approach and failed. Now FOWL wants to do things more stealth like. In the shadows. Leaving no trail that will lead back to them. The charging head first method has failed multiple times so FOWL is trying something different.

Still think it’s crazy?

Well check this out:

What do you guys notice about this picture? For one thing it has every target that FOWL is after on it. But what else do you see? Where are they?

In the sky..

Now why would everybody meet up in the sky? Is it because maybe the ground is currently unsafe? Hmmmmmmmm?!

Brute force is not going to work this time. It’ll be a battle of intelligence. Lucky for us we have a duckling that can out brain all of FOWL

They might have an army

But we have a Huey...

I’m looking forward to seeing the outcome of this season. This hiatus WILL be the end of me I just know it lol but it gives us the fans plenty of time to figure this out. I’ll be looking forward to taking this journey with you all.

If I said it once this season I’ll say it again

BRING. IT. ON. F.O.W.L.

[laufire]

Supernatural s5

I finished it a little while ago, but I haven’t had the time to make an involved post about it -or watch that much of s6 yet; I’m trying to be Resposible and the time I have has been spent in advancing fics a little bit or answering short asks lol.

-I have really enjoyed this season for the most part, but there’s something I need to get of my chest LOL: all through it, the song “Too Many Dicks (On The Dance Floor)” played in my head xDD. Like, listen, I knew what I was signing up for with this show!! I didn’t expect NOT to find it offensive or regressive on multiple occasions!! But I guess s3-4 must have spoiled me lmao. I’m not saying those seasons are the height of feminism, but if you removed its most important female characters, ESPECIALLY Ruby, the plot of the season would fall apart. That’s not something you can say for s5 and preventing the Apocalypse, just sayin’.

It wouldn’t’ve been that hard to expand Meg’s, Anna’s or the Harvelle’s part (they had good material to go there -Meg as the faithful possibly opening her eyes, Anna as the betrayed and the juror jury and executioner, the Harvelles as normal hunters fighting something way too big for them-, but barely any time and like I said, no incidence in the actual plot of the season). Hell, I’m biased but bringing back Ruby would’ve at least taken care of the problem lol. Or if the show had indulged me and kept Bellamy Young as Lucifer, at least. But everyone with a real say in the plot is a dude, or at least wearing one as a vessel (angel’s conception of gender is clearly different from humans, but in terms of ~~representation the results are the same lbr).

-My constant frustrations with Supernatural’s bigotry-related stuff lol, like I said, I really enjoyed the season (that combination is one of the most frustrating things about the show lmao). Especially Castiel’s plot. The guy has reached Potential Hall of Faves status and that’s hum. A Problem xD

But seriously, he was breaking my heart in all the best ways. His search for God (the Absent Father that the show specifically compared to John añsldkfjasf. This show ISTG!!), his disappointment and sense of betrayal at being let down (he called God Himself “son of a bitch”!!!). I was especially fascinated by his Endverse version -that AU will have its own section lol-, although it resulted in making me reaaaally nervous whenever he was close to an addictive substance :). Like yes, those scenes were lowkey humourous and adorable (like when he drinks shots with the Harvelles and Ellen is fascinated and Jo delighted -... lowkey shipping this too btw. Lowkey shipping Castiel with lots of people-, or his combo with Sam when he got drunk), but also, you know, WORRYING xD

Some of my favourite scenes of his were, predictably, his interactions with Meg or Lucifer in 5x10. The Megstiel scene was SUPER HOT (both their voices are very unf-y lol), I can’t wait to edit it. And having Lucifer call Castiel “a peculiar thing” sure was something xD (although lbr, this Lucifer isn’t keeping with his rebel angel reputation, Castiel is carrying that all by himself smh).

Another scene I couldn’t get out of my head if I wanted to is when he uhhhh... completely LOSES IT and starts beating the crap out of Dean when he was ready to give it up to Michael. “I gave everything for you, and this is what you give me?!?” ooooooof. It was hard to watch, and fascinating and intense. I shamelessly loved it lmfao.

Though my favourite moment of his is one that can only be appreciated when you know certain things about s6. It’s the scene where, unlike everyone else, he shows appreciation for Sam’s plan of sacrificing himself to get rid of Lucifer. Because yes, at this point it’s the only thing that can save the world. But Castiel isn’t saying, “Sam’s life is a small price to pay in comparison”, because he will go into s6 and snatch Sam out of the cage immediately. s5 established Sam got out, so with that in mind, he didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want to create false hope in case he failed, but he backed the plan with the intention of saving Sam anyway. I love that. I love him.

-The entire season was Missing Ruby Hours for me lmfao. Like I said, some of the problems in the season wrt female characters would’ve been at the very least lessened if she’d gotten to be here wrecking havoc. But generally I just miss her and What Could Have Been with her here. I enjoyed some of the crumbs (Sam using the witchcraft skillz he learned from her! Sam immediately knowing Meg isn’t Ruby, unlike Dean! Her knife! The ARCHANGEL GABRIEL referencing her as “the demon Sam chose over his brother”!! The callbacks with Crowley or Brady!!), but I would’ve wanted her here, dammit xD.

-Aaaaand we’re finally getting to Sam, who is without a doubt the star of the season, if you ask me. His plan at the end, to let Lucifer possess him in the hopes he can fight back for just long enough to overpower him and throw them both into the cage, with no hopes for himself? This is the kind of Big Damn Hero stunt I’m a sucker for, I won’t lie. And I love that the show felt the need to confirm he was still alive at the end of the season hehe.

He really Went Through It this season and he held on lmfao. On top of everything (the apocalypse, the guilt of being its final trigger, the addiction recovery, etc.), he also had to deal with Dean’s usual bullshit, which is no small feat xDD. Like, sure, from an audience stand-point all those things are interesting (some fave/the fuck moments are when Dean is obviously peeved that Bobby still supports Sam because he wanted Bobby in HIS corner, or when he has the nerve to say he wants to say yes to Michael because he doesn’t trust SAM not to say yes to Lucifer lmfaoooo), BUT IT’S STILL A FEAT XD

One note: for all the talk about bi!Dean, bi!Sam is so SEEN this season xDD. AFAIC he totally hooked up with that bartender Paul (RIP Paul. At least in your last moments you enjoyed Sam, who’s clearly an energetic, attentive lover 😔). And Crowley refers to Brady as Sam’s demon ex-boyfriend and nobody bats and eye lmfao (that story is so angsty... the parallels to Ruby, how he ingratiated himself with Sam by pretending to have fallen off the wagon... ouch).

-I have mixed feelings on Crowley. On his own, I fell absolutely in love with the guy on his first appearance. A demon that DOUBTS Lucifer and doesn’t kiss his ass?? That wants to get rid of him and do his own thing?? And clearly enjoys ~earthly pleasures to the fullest (his complains about how the other demons ate his tailor had me rolling laksjdfa)? The way he turned the tables on Brady? OFC I love him. OTOH boy, does it annoy me knowing that fandom GLADLY embraced him when they condemned characters like Bela or Ruby for similar things. It’s not his fault so I still like him (he’s like Gabriel in that sense), but it’s annoying!

It also annoys me how Dean Must Be Right All The Time syndrome interacts with him lol. This season Dean decides they can trust Crowley (despite Crowley killing two humans in front of him and getting him beat up by Brady lol), so they can. Next season he decides they can’t, so Castiel will be WrongTM because Dean Says So. Ugggggh xD

-To be fair, however, this season has my fave Dean so far LOL. In the love/hate scale, this one has been almost solely in camp love, barring some of those moments of irksome hypocrisy that he’s so prone to xD.

But there was something about how this season’s plot chipped away at him, you know? For all the traits he has that drive me up the wall or unsettle me, I appreciate a lot of his personality because it makes him a unique and interesting character driving the narrative -his irreverence, his ability to think on the fly and get out of shitty situations, his disbelief. Seeing all of those things under siege this season made me hurt for him in a way I hadn’t anticipated LOL. By the time he was ready to give in to Michael (and I love that what made him step away from that choice was Sam showing a trust in him he patently didn’t deserve lbr), sometimes I felt terribly for the guy.

I also wonder if this season kind of marked like... the beginning of the end for him, narrative-wise? Making him Michael’s vessel (his angel condom) is the kind of thing that turns him from subject into object, and that can doom characters ime. The fact that he ~resigns himself to Sam’s death when his identity as a character came with being His Brother’s Keeper is another slight.

-I continue having mixed feelings about Destiel too LMAO. I’ve decided I’m just going to try to enjoy the good and interesting parts while I can, while trying not to think of future developments that’ll likely sour the ship for me lol.

Because in truth, yeah, I enjoy their interactions a lot here! The Endverse was particularly enjoyable for me (back to that in a moment), but the entire season had a lot of gems. That moment in the finale, when Dean is wounded on his knees after Sam sacrifices himself, and Castiel resurrects and heals him with a touch? And Dean is staring in awe and asks him if he’s become God?? Like wtf am I supposed to do with that. WHO SAYS THAT. XDD

-The Endverse. Omgggggggg. The Endverse. I doubt I can say anything about it that hasn’t been said a thousand times, but seriously. I loooove it, all of it. My favourite was endverse!Castiel, ofc. The way he was in No Man’s Land, not an angel and not quite a human, his ways of trying to cope with that, how burned he was... I uncomfortably related to some of it too lmfao, but let’s not get into that xD.

Seeing both Deans interact was gr10 too. They really couldn’t stand each other lmfao (do you understand me now Dean?? They actually reminded me of two OCs in an original WIP of mine that are in a similar situation -in this case it’s the future version purposefully traveling to the past though-, which made me even fonder of the AU). And the Destiel? *chef’s kiss*. The bitterness, like when Castiel laughs when present!Dean berates endverse!Dean about the tortures and then purposefully says “I like past you” to hurt him asñldkfjasf. Or those looks when Dean returns to the past and tells Castiel to “never change” d’aw.

I loved Lucifer!Sam in this episode too (and personally, I think in the finale Lucifer -and Michael- should’ve changed his outfit too. Sam’s clothes just don’t get to The Devil’s levels, but that white suit was perfect). He was terrifying xD.

BTW: I’ve decided that, since we never see endverse!Castiel die, well. He didn’t xD. I could see Lucifer keeping him alive and captive out of a sense of nostalgia, as Castiel is the only other thing close to a fellow angel left. Might even decide to return his powers with time, or to ~entice him with such an offer lol. And ofc I headcanon Sam is still inside, occasionally trying to fight. Cue in all the Castiel/Lucifer and Castiel/Sam fic ideas too (I have waaaaay too many of those for this mini-verse. It’s very inspiring).

-I’m still on the fence at Lucifer’s motivations but I can’t question how the family issues fit so, so well into this ‘verse. “Family is hell” is the show’s thesis, after all xD. IMO the angels in general don’t feel like a family, they’re a military body/cult lol, but the Archangels are another matter. I guess is the whole “only four angels have seen God-slash-Dad” thing, the rest were... well, the help, apparently.

But Lucifer, Michael, and Gabriel do feel like brothers when they interact (I’m guessing here Gabriel is the Adam: discarded by the other two like nothing :)))). Raphael too, but since he doesn’t interact with them... does he get to later? Or is he the odd one out? Did the others avoid him because he kept quoting Nietzsche at dinner?? LOL.

-There are no words to explain how terribly I feel for Adam. JFC that poor KID. Who was kind and helpful and intuitive, and only wanted his mother back and to help stop the end of the world. And that Sam and Dean will leave rotting in Hell for a millennia :))). It’s kiiiiiiiiind of hard to do for your show’s “heroes” when they do shit like that lmfao. It’d be different if they never tried to make him feel he’s family, but Sam tried to convince him with the bs “because we’re blood” and they did a half-baked attempt at saving him from Zacharias, and then... yeah. At least he had Michael in the cage, but still.

-I was already spoiled of this, but the reveal that cupids made John and Mary fall in love is so chilling (good on Dean for punching that cupid asshole, btw). It puts what Mary says about John in flashbacks, about how much she loves him and how perfect he is, in such a terrifying light. And I’m under the impression that the show didn’t bother to deal with this properly when they resurrected Mary and just... I hate that tbh. It’s a narrative choice that should have a huuuge impact, dammit.

-I kind of loved how bitter and angry Bobby was about (temporarily, thanks to Crowley, his new demon bf -watch out Rufus) ending up in a wheelchair. That there were no platitudes or false sentimentality and it just... was.

-The Harvelles’ had a good send off. I can respect Kripke for wanting his faves to go on his terms lol. Having Jo refuse Dean’s offer of a fuck on their possible last night on Earth with “I rather spent it with a little thing I have self-respect”? Not because she doesn’t have feelings for him, but because she thinks she deserves better from him? I love it. This guy knows his pettiness xD

-The fact that this fandom seems to have ignored Gabriel x Kali is one of the reasons I’m never going to vibe with it, sns. Immortal exes? Check. She tricked him and killed him... but then it turns out HE tricked and he’s alive? Check. BUT THEN HE STILL GOES BACK AND SAVES HER, DYING BY HIS BROTHER’S HAND?? CHECK CHECK CHECK. Ugh, why can’t they come back to me. I know, I know, Kali is a WoC and those are only allowed one (1) appearance before they’re killed off, apparently. So it might be a good thing that she doesn’t return xD. But gosh, they were gr10.

-Death the Horseman’s intro cleared my skin. I love him. I love how utterly terrifying he is and how chilling his and Dean’s scene was. And I yearn to find a picture of the guy a little younger and with a goatee, because he’s the most perfect Discworld’s Vetinari fancast I’ve ever found xDD

-I’ve seen tons of commentary over the years, and especially lately for obvious reasons, about how this season finale would’ve been a much better ending for the show. I’m not there yet, and it does sound like the finale was a mess and this one’s was a very well constructed episode (and, ofc, the Final Love Interest was NOT blurry!!). But even if by the end I come to loathe the finale, there’s one reason I already know won’t let me agree on the s5 ending being perfect: God xDD

The episode makes Chuck come across as a ~benevolent figure and no, fuck that, do NOT want, take it away from me!! Give me God as the Big Bad Wolf, the last evil to conquer any day. It’s like Dumbledore all over again: I enjoy the character a lot more if I feel canon and I are on the same page wrt his shadiness xDD

[thelastofgala]

I started The Last of Us, Pt. 2 last night, and here are my first impressions, musings on parallelism, Naturalism, Ellie’s characterization, Joel’s characterization, the “presence” of Riley, gameplay, story development, and more:

***SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT***

Starting with Joel. I always imagined The Last of Us 2 would begin at the end of Joel’s journey, though I will say that I did not expect to pick up so close to the end of the first game. I thought they would start us somewhere COMPLETELY out of context. Like I was prepared for much deeper flashback. In this way, I really felt like I was playing a sequel, which is not a bad thing. I just had no idea how they were going to frame this. The compelling thing about starting with Joel is that it immediately sets up parallels between Joel and Sarah, the character we start with in The Last of Us. There’s no way this was not a pointed decision. Just like it was with Sarah, Joel is our point of reference in a new, strange world. His point of view in this new world is all that we know. We don’t know what the new special world contains, and we don’t know grown-up Ellie at all. Plus, old fans will have missed him. It is a comfort to be Joel, and like a daughter protected by her father, a false and short-lived comfort. We are also now thinking of Joel as, like Sarah, someone who is in danger, whose agency is compromised, who, for whatever reason, is weakened this time around, and who may not survive the story. 

I will say, too, that I really loved that after the 4-years-later cut, Joel is held off-screen. He and Tommy are out on a patrol. They are out there, in danger, and that sort of restraint is really effective. We are ALWAYS looking for Joel, just like we were in the run-up to the release, because he is the only person we truly know in this strange, new world. ND knows and takes advantage of this.

There are many parallels between Joel and Riley. Both Joel and Riley sneak up on Ellie during their first interaction. They’re even wearing similar colors. Both Joel and Riley lied to Ellie in the previous story, and both betrayed her as an act of self-preservation. In Left Behind, Ellie is somewhat chilly toward Riley in the beginning, even as her younger, more optimistic self, just as Ellie is chilly toward Joel in the beginning of The Last of Us 2. Still, you can tell through Ellie’s dialogue with Dina that she and Joel are knitted together—he defended her against the bigoted bartender, and she appreciates this even if she doesn’t outright say it. They share taste in movies and have plans to watch a movie together soon. I haven’t interacted with Joel in the current timeline, but I do know that in Left Behind, Riley has to earn back Ellie’s trust and take measures to reenter her good graces, and that this is a large part of their relationship arc. I also know that, by the time they reconcile, it proves to be too late. The world will not let them have what they want, and nothing is simple. All of these parallels worry me a lot, as Left Behind, while still driven by a strong undercurrent of love (it is a love story, interwoven with Ellie’s desperate search for medical supplies in a bid to save Joel’s life), is a much bleaker, sadder story than The Last of Us, and it has a tragic ending.

Joel's conversation with Tommy feels important. I was very glad to hear Tommy say that he would have made the same choice, in terms of saving Ellie or letting her die for the possibility of a cure. It shows that Tommy is more like Joel than perhaps we knew. Plus, Maria will have taught him something about love and commitment, as the notion of saving the one you love above all else should make more sense to him now that he has foregone the youthful idealism of the Fireflies in order to focus on the practical wisdom of family. As a parent, I understand Joel’s decision to save Ellie at the end of The Last of Us and know I would have done the same. I also understand why Joel lied, even though I think it was the wrong choice. Hearing him confide all of this in Tommy was cathartic. It was also very characteristic of Joel to respond that Ellie “didn’t say nothing otherwise” when Tommy asks if she believed him. In all of his denial, Joel chooses to believe what is conveniently in front of him, even if he knows it’s untrue. Also, I couldn’t tell, but was that a Firefly logo on that guitar he’s shining up? Maybe I hallucinated that. But if it is, I do wonder where he got it.

Ellie’s character is much more deadpan and ruminative in young adulthood. She seems tired, and a little lacking in self-esteem and sort of immediately defeated by what happened during the experience with Joel. When Joel sang, we could see her return to that place, just a glimmer, and her response—that it “didn’t suck”—shows how she still shields her heart with sarcasm, something Dina points out to her later on (“Did I ruin your punchline?”). Joel has been broken down by the events of The Last of Us and now bears his soul to her with his music, unabashed and dedicated to her, and Ellie is now the stoic one, unshakable, sealed inside a heavy, protective armor that seems impossible to pierce. I look forward to getting to know Ellie as a young adult and, ultimately, crying a lot. She is artistic and honest and still a little soft underneath. You can tell by her early interactions with Dina especially that she can still blush, and she can still come undone.

I love the snowball fight lol. I am always so frustrated when these big environment games, like Red Dead 2, Dragon Age, etc., don’t have any kids running around. Why don’t these stories pay attention to kids? Kids exist. They are an important part of almost any open world or quasi open world environment. I love the presence of kids in The Last of Us 2, because the loss of childhood innocence is an important theme for Ellie as a character. It’s also clear we’re trying to set up the edenic innocence of Jackson. It is childhood, in a way, and just like childhood, it will come to inevitable corruption. The scene, too, reminded me of Ellie and Riley on their teen dream adventure, romping through the Halloween store at the mall, trying on masks and talking to the magic eight ball.

I’m really pleased by all the parallels with Left Behind and Ellie’s portion of the journey in The Last of Us. Winter was her season, and that’s where we’re starting now. The horseback riding, the blizzard, and all the blood in the snow bring flashbacks of Ellie hunting on the woods, Ellie alone in the frozen mall, David, and the Lakeside Resort, all of which layer the current moment with a lot of emotional tension for the player.

The opening is, I think, sprawling. I’m having fun but there’s this sense that I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of the story. Like Joel in the first game, Ellie is also big-timing me a little and I feel far away from her. I know this will change soon, and I’ll warm up to her, but for now, like Joel, we’re all being held at arm’s length. I actually like the POV shifts we’ve gotten so far and the multiple POVs is something I predicted a while ago, based on ND’s tendencies in the first game. Ppl are going to give The Last of Us 2 shit for being too cinematic but tbh it sometimes feels more like a playable novel than a traditional video game. We’re on a cable car headed straight into disaster and there’s nothing we can do. In this way the game is using the medium itself to perpetuate its Naturalistic themes. We play and we play, and we fight and we fight, but the environment entertains no interest in our struggle and the outcome will always be the same. There is no free will in The Last of Us.

On that note, the gameplay so far is, I think, pretty fun. I have played a lot of stealth games and am always looking for ways the genre is reinventing itself. Like Sekiro and Tomb Raider, The Last of Us 2 is increasing the verticality of the map with rope climbing and scaling up obstacles (though I do miss using Joel’s immense upper body strength to move those dumpsters around lol). In a stealth game I want creativity and problem solving to be central to the gameplay. I don’t want to be magically handed tools and weapons on a constant basis, to meet every individual need. I want to be forced into resourcefulness, and I don’t want to enter a shoot-out unless I absolutely have to. That said, I’m nearly to the tower checkpoint with Dina, and I’ve only fired my gun twice. The dodge/melee mechanic is neat, but more than anything, having real, actionable help from an AI enables stealth kills even in zones crawling with enemies. On that note, I am playing with a headset, and I’m glad I am, because I find the sounds of the goddam clickers to be all-encompassing this time around and a LOT bigger and scarier than they were in The Last of Us. Holy shit. They’re absolutely terrifying. I can only imagine the horror to come lol.

Now, finally, Abby: I don’t have much to offer on this yet. Abby is not who I thought she’d be. I’ll just say it. Still, the melee battle with her and the runners in the woods was AWESOME. For me, the most fun I’ve had yet, because it was completely different than anything from The Last of Us. Playing her, however, I will say, filled me with foreboding. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to help her. She seems beyond desperate and while deeply sympathetic, she is a new character and her loyalties are not mine...so far. I could be very wrong, and please don’t correct me if I am, but I get the sense she might be a Firefly, or somehow associated with Marlene, and she is looking for Joel, in vengeance. Her group was small and rogue, and they seemed new to the area. All I know is that ND is creating a moral dilemma here, and as to what will become of this, the jury is still out completely.

One small personal criticism, take it or leave it: I don’t personally love that the kiss with Dina and scene with Joel defending Ellie was kept off-stage in the game and left to the trailer. We could have started at the dance. That would have taught us everything we need to know about Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Joel and Ellie’s relationship state. This is my only criticism of the story so far. From a writer’s perspective, it’s just inefficient and clumsy to try and cover all that in expositional dialogue, taking into consideration that many casual players will not have seen all the trailers. Even still, it’s not hurting my experience in any way. Just an observation and maybe a bit of personal opinion on the fact that perhaps the choice to reveal so much scene in pre-release trailers might be a great way to build hype but might not be the most efficient choice in telling the actual story. My two cents!

In the end, I’m overall super excited and can’t wait to keep playing. These are just my own personal thoughts, and I’ll be back with more thoughts soon!! PLEASE NO SPOILERS OR SPOILERY SUGGESTIONS IN THE REPLIES!! I am NOT privy to the leaks and I do NOT want to know what’s coming. Thank you!! ^_^ 

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 1: 2x25 Bread and Circuses

Today, the Classic ep, Bread and Circuses aka Star Trek: Ancient Rome AU.

Literally all of the bridge is just standing around, watching Kirk, watching Spock.

Another missing ship hmm? The S.S. Beagle. With a crew of 47--that’s small. And surprise surprise, the Captain is someone ELSE that Kirk knows. Does he know everyone in the galaxy? Truly excellent at networking.

Feels like it’s been a while since Spock called him “Jim.” Possibly because this was written early in the season, when he still did that a lot?

Another Merchant Marine, or equivalent. Interesting.

He was kicked out of the Academy in his 5th year. How many years is the Academy? I always assumed 4 but maybe it’s longer if you count like extra trainings and stuff.

Kirk is so in love with Spock talking about the planet. His face has gone all soft again.

Excellent roads--the first clue it’s Rome. (The big televised gladiator fights is the second clue.)

“I believe they called it ‘video.’“ If there’s no TV in the 23rd century, what is their entertainment? Netflix?

“We’re beaming down”--dramatic shot--dun dun dun.

Yeaaaah triumvirate!! They’re really going hard with this dynamic at this point in the series and I’m here for it.

I feel like this is the first time they’ve called the Non-Interference Directive the Prime Directive but I could be wrong. It’s certainly the first time they’ve spelled it all out.

“Behold! I am the Arch Angel Gabriel!”

“We come from another...province.” That’s a very convincing delivery. Especially paired with those outfits.

You can tell this guy’s important because he’s the only one wearing cut offs.

“We have many beliefs.” I feel like McCoy is a Southern Baptist.

Flavius: “I know killing is evil. But maybe just this one time? As a treat?”

“That’s our ship, somewhere... at sea. Yeah, our ship at sea. Not in space. That would be wacky.”

This episode is LITERALLY  “Rome AU.”

I love Spock looking through those “Elite” magazines. Doing a little research.

"Captain, I thought you might find this interesting." Hands him a magazine with a buff man on the cover. Yeah, Kirk is definitely canonically bisexual.

And he likes that car, too.

Why do all of Kirk’s friends and/or heroes lose and it and become tyrannical? At this point, it’s becoming a distressing pattern.

The SPACE ACADEMY? Damn why didn’t they keep that name?

“My dear Mr. Spock.”

And Spock’s like “You got me there, that was an example of Logic.”

Oooh, nice knit hat. Spock needs more beanies.

The son/sun pun is inspired honestly and it makes the Enterprise crew look so silly like "So you heard the words of the sun, you crackpot?" whereas he means, "I heard the words of the Son," which makes so much more sense on its face.

This Spock and Bones banter is also inspired. “Doctor, you are stealing my word, please stop.” “Medical man are trained in logic.” “I had no idea they were trained.”

Flavius is a really good character. I feel like I really understand all the sides to him: the warrior who can’t quite untrain himself from the killing instinct, even after he’s converted to Christianity and vowed to be a pacifist who loves mankind.

The triumivrate would have had so much fun together in college. If Jim they were all the same age, knew each other then, and Jim weren’t a stick in the mud at that time. “He’s sick, he’s about to double over!” “I am? Oh, yeah, I am! So sick!”

Spock immediately grabs the sword. That’s that Vulcan Warrior instinct. He does love old weaponry.

I’m considering the possibility that Merrickus is another ex-boyfriend. The vibes aren’t as strong as with that guy from A Private Little War, but there was a charged sort of look between them just then.

“He knows who and what we are.” Aliens. You’re aliens.

Oh, you want 50 Vulcans? Fifty Vulcan pacifists for the arena? A rollicking good time.

“Beam... come ashore.” Kirk’s very good at the Prime Directive.

Haha Spock said it was “interesting,” not “fascinating.” McCoy stole his word so now he needs a new word.

Classic Bones and Spock philosophical debate.

“My word is my vessel, my oath, my crew.” I love him your honor.

His two dear friends! Don’t threaten them!

They really think they can threaten Jim into doing the wrong thing. Never! He’s too good!

Honestly, it’s not really the Prime Directive (which they have broken before) that stops him from just annihilating a whole city with his ship...it’s that that would be immoral in and of itself. He’s not obliterating a society lol. That’s not an option.

Uhura is very interested in Scotty and his plans.

I love the whole concept of Roman Gladiator Television. The fake-ass background and the sound stage. “Empire TV.” The fake applause, boos, and catcalls. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect to see in fanfic tbh.

“Two highly aggressive barbarians.” Aka Spock and McCoy looking confused.

Good thing Spock definitely trained with Vulcan swords for fun when he was a small child.

The pro consul  is obviously in love with Kirk. Who wouldn’t be?

I don’t know if I believe these not-so-ancient Romans are so strong or so smart. This is pretty standard threats and kidnapping. Also Merrick can cry me a river about how hard this all is and how sad he was to see his men die. He’s the First Citizen ! It worked out well for him. Except that he appears to be the pro consul’s bitch.

That was a real missed opportunity for “I’m a doctor, not a gladiator.”

Spock only knocks the guy out when he needs to get rid of him to help Bones!!

Okay, that Spock and Bones scene is one of THE BEST in the entire series. Between anyone! The tension. The emotion. The complex friendship. ...The way Bones 100% knows Spock has a thing for Kirk and there’s pretty much no other way to read that exchange. “You wouldn’t know what to do with a warm, decent feeling” and then Spock’s like ‘ah, got you there,’ eyebrow raise, ‘Really, Doctor?” and then Bones is IMMEDIATELY like oh, right, you’re in love with Jim, forgot about that.” Have they discussed this or is it just that obvious? How does Spock know that McCoy knows??

In other news, a gratuitous Kirk kissing scene. They’re not even trying to come up with a pretext for this at this point.

This TV Execution is about to be pre-empted...by Scotty.

“What did they do to you, Captain?” Spock is so worried!! This would be a good time to call him ‘Jim’ but he used up his quota earlier. And Kirk doesn’t want to explain. “They threw me a few curves. A few blonde curves.”

Flavius was killed?????????? NOOOOOOO.

...And Uhura finishes up the ep by explaining the pun. Honestly, I get that Spock wouldn’t get “they’re Christian actually” as the explanation for all this and I’m going to give Kirk a pass also because I headcanon him as Jewish but McCoy, who is almost 100% certainly some kinda Christian AND was the most interested in this ‘sun worshiper’ confusion should really have put that one together on his own.

So overall, a good episode! I’ve seen it quite a few times, I think, and it doesn’t disappoint. I enjoy the concept of ‘parallel Earth but what if MORE ROME,’ I think the son/sun pun confusion is nifty, and it’s an awesome triumvirate episode that really shows off Kirk’s leadership skills. So no complaints!

Next is Assignment: Earth, which is a complete cheat of an episode because it’s a back door pilot to a show that doesn’t exist, but it does have Spock holding a cat in the beginning, so I guess I’ll muddle through it. Then...starting S3 off with Spock’s Brain. A rough couple of weeks ahead. But the reward is The Enterprise Incident.

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

[dauntless-cakeneedstobe-eaton]

Jeff x Annie One-Shot: AU-What if Jeff and Annie actually went skiing? (Community-Conventions of Space and Time, Season 4, Ep3)

You wouldn’t catch me anywhere near an Inspector Spacetime convention; no matter how many tears Troy cried, or how many staredowns Abed and I had. Skiing on the other hand, was cool. Skiing alone, however, possibly uncool. Therefore, it made perfect, logical sense to invite Annie skiing this weekend. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. Hear me out. Abed and Troy couldn’t even be considered options since they would be at the convention. Britta would obviously be there to support Troy, unfortunately being the third-wheel despite being his girlfriend. Shirley was busy with her kids. Pierce was never an option to begin with. Who was left you may ask? Annie Edison. 

“Do I look ready to shred some slopes?” Annie asked, coming out of her room. She was wearing a full-on neon pink sweatsuit. I smiled at her dorky pose. 

“Maybe in the early 80s. Annie, what’s with all of the pink?” She frowned at me.

“Look Jeff, I’m just trying to stay warm, ok? I’ve never been skiing before and I wanted to be as comfortable as possible.” Classic defensive Annie. She scanned my look up and down. “At least my color palette has character. Might want to try it sometime Mr. Neutral Colors.” Annie crossed her arms. This was a battle I definitely wasn’t going to win. Like every battle against Annie. 

“Okay, how about this. I’ll wear a pair of your neon pink socks, but you wear my black Gucci scarf?” Her eyes lit up. I knew she’d love the idea. Annie rushed back into her room and returned with a pair of neon pink socks in one hand, extending it to me. 

“This just might be the smartest idea you’ve ever had Jeff.” 

“Hey, I take offense to that. Everything I say is basically a TED talk in the making.” She laughed as I put on her socks. I don’t know why I only do stupid stuff like this for her. I looked at myself in the full body mirror and felt one hundred percent ridiculous. But, seeing her give me that wide smile she always does when something makes her happy made me think that small things like this were all worth it. I took the scarf hanging around my neck and put it on her, making sure that her hair wasn’t tangled inside it. I felt her eyes on me, making my heart beat a little faster than usual. 

“There, perfect.” I said looking back into the full body mirror in front of us. She blushed. 

“Perfect indeed.” Any bystander may mistake us for an actual couple. Especially with the way we were now coordinating outfits. Especially with the way we were standing right now--my hand on her shoulder, hers around my back. Even if it was just a small thought--a figment of my imagination if you will--it still made me grin...for reasons I still don’t fully understand. 

***

When we arrived at the ski lodge, it was teeming with people carrying skis and sleds. It was way more crowded than I thought it would be. Annie instinctively held onto my arm as we were walking over to the ski rental desk, her eyes worriedly scanning the room. I knew she hated large crowds. I reassured her that we would only be in here for a couple of minutes. 

There was a guy in front of us in line, along with a few of his friends. They were laughing and smiling, a little too loudly for my opinion. The commotion wasn’t helping Annie’s anxiety. I think the main guy felt me glaring at him because he turned around, his smile fading. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he noticed Annie beside me. He looked at her from head to toe, his mouth agape. I felt my hands tense up. He probably noticed how pretty she was. 

“Have you guys been to this slope before? My friends and I are regulars here, and I don’t believe I’ve seen you before,” he stopped and looked at Annie. “And trust me, I would’ve remembered.” I felt my jaw clench. Annie--being Annie--blushed and giggled. She wasn’t used to being flirted with--which was something I was secretly grateful for, because something about it didn’t sit well with me. The guy, whose hair by the way looked like it had way too much product in it, extended his hand out to me. 

“Aiden.” What a jock. 

“Jeff. And this is my friend Annie. It’s our first time skiing together.” He shook my hand with an extra firm grip as if to say just friends? Okay. You said it, not me. 

“Well Jeff and Annie, it’s your lucky day because I can give you guys some free skiing lessons so you don’t hurt yourselves out there.” This guy needed to get some more original material. Did he think we were stupid? He obviously just wanted to get closer to--

“We’d love the extra help Aiden. Thanks for offering,” Annie replied, smiling sweetly at him. 

“Great! Meet me on the slopes. I’ll cover the tickets. Want a hot chocolate Annie? My treat.” She nodded her head politely while I took her arm and pulled her to the side. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” I questioned with what I hoped was only a hint of annoyance. 

“Jeff, Aiden was generous enough to offer us help. For free! I don’t want to make a fool of myself out there. I also don’t want to see you get hurt.” She gently touched my chest. Dang it Annie. Why did she have to be so genuinely caring all the time? I knew she meant what she said. I don’t know if I could live with myself if she ended up getting hurt on my behalf. 

“You know, if you wanted hot chocolate you could’ve just asked me. You didn’t have to let pretty-boy get it for you.” At this point, I wasn’t really thinking, I was just saying what I was feeling...which normally got me into trouble, but I didn’t care this time. Annie looked at me with a confused expression, but then her eyes softened. 

“Don’t worry Jeff. I know I can always count on you.” 

“Good because I always want to be there for you. Even for the small things.” We looked at each other intensely and I felt myself leaning in. 

“Ready you guys?” Annie and I got snapped back into reality as stupid-smirk Aiden returned with our rental equipment and Annie’s hot chocolate. She took it graciously while Aiden smiled warmly at her. His teeth were way to white. No way that it’s natural. 

***

We walked up to one of the smaller slopes. Aiden suggested that since Annie and I were beginners it was probably best we didn’t try one of the more advanced mountains yet. Annie remained between Aiden and I, even in the ski lift up the mountain. She stared out the window with wonder in her eyes. I liked watching her many facial expressions. Her eyes glowed whenever there was a scenic view. Her soft smiles were my favorite. That was Annie’s way of living in the moment. When she got extra excited about something, she would touch my arm and tell me to look out the window too. 

“So how do you guys know each other?” Aiden asked skeptically, his eyes pausing at Annie’s hand on my arm and my hand on her knee, which I don’t remember putting there. 

“We go to Greendale Community College together. We’re part of the same study group.” Aiden nodded thoughtfully. 

“I go to City College actually. I want to go into hospital administration some day.” No. freaking. Way. Annie turned her head towards him, suddenly gaining interest. 

“Really? Me too! Well the hospital administration part, not the City College part obviously…” she replied, nervously laughing. Aiden gave her an amused look. 

“We should totally meet up again. Maybe you could help me study some time?” My fists automatically balled up into fists once again. Annie looked down, noticing that my hand turned into a fist shape. She covered my fist with one of her hands, which instantly made me feel better. 

“Haha yeah maybe! I’ll think about it.” She gave me a concerned look as we got off the ski lift. I had a bad feeling about this ski trip after all. 

***

“The most important aspect of skiing is balance. The moment you lose balance is the moment where it’s game over. Believe me, falling downhill is not fun.” Balance. Sounds easy enough. I was able to get into my skis pretty easily and helped Annie get into hers without much of a fuss...except the three times that she almost tripped. Each time she caught on to a part of my jacket. 

“The Leaning Tower of Pisa has more balance than I do,” Annie let out a defeated whisper. I tried to hide my slight grin. Her perfectionist tendencies were coming out. I guess it was just a part of who she was, no matter if it was academic related or not. 

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is literally your first time skiing.”

“Easy for you to say. This is also your first time skiing and you're balancing just fine.” 

“Can’t argue with you there.” We both smiled and it felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. Being the iceberg he was, Aiden walked over in between us with--once again--an award winning line of his. 

“Before you guys go down this slope, watch me first. You’ll get to see the turning and jumping patterns I do.” He leaned forward and whispered something to Annie, resulting in a laugh before heading towards his ski lane. 

“So, what do you think of Aiden? He seems nice right?” Why was she interested in what I thought? 

“He seems a bit...arrogant…” I trailed off. Annie gave me a bemused expression, which then turned into a mischievous grin. 

“Jeff Winger, are you jealous?” 

“Pffffft. Me? Jealous? Are you being serious right now Annie? Why would I be jealous?” She was definitely enjoying seeing me squirm. I hated the fact that not only was she right, but I couldn’t think of any clever retorts because of that fact. 

“I honestly don’t know Jeff. I don’t think you have anything to be jealous of--” she started, and I was really curious to hear her continue, but Annie was cut off by a bunch of spectators talking about Aiden on the slopes. I hated to admit it, but Aiden’s skiing looked really impressive. He was--in the words of Annie--shredding the slopes. All of his landings were smooth, his turns were smooth...his whole body was moving in perfect coordination. 

“Wow! Aiden’s really good isn’t he? He could honestly be a professional!” Annie’s eyes were glued to him the whole time. I saw her jaw drop whenever Aiden made an impressive landing. Two could play at this game. Before Annie could stop me, I disappeared behind her and marched up to the top of the same slope Aiden was on. I had excellent balance too, you know. This skiing thing would be a piece of cake. As I jumped to start my descent, I realized that there was no going back after this. 

***

I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t move a single muscle. But I did feel this intense throbbing in my head and pretty much everywhere. Where am I? What happened? I was definitely lying down somewhere...it felt like a couch. I summoned the courage to slowly open my eyes. Everything was blurry at first as my eyes attempted to adjust to my surroundings. Man, even opening them hurt. The first thing I saw were a pair of blue eyes I could recognize anywhere in a crowd. 

“Oh my god. Jeff, you’re awake! Oh my god. Thank goodness,” Annie breathed a huge sigh of relief and collapsed her face on the side of the couch. It took me a second to realize that she was holding my hand. I felt it. I gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. 

“Did I ever tell you how blue your eyes are?” In hindsight, that was probably not the smartest thing to say, but it was an honest question. 

“I just watched you practically fall and flip over a huge mountain and lose consciousness and you want to talk about my eyes????” Annie raised both of her eyebrows in complete anger. 

She immediately winced after yelling. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, especially right now when every bone in your body must hurt. It’s just that you made me so worried and when I saw you at the bottom of the mountain all limp and bleeding I didn’t…” She couldn’t continue because she started doing the last thing that would have ever crossed my mind. She started crying. Hearing the sound of Annie crying almost hurt more than my actual injuries. 

“Hey, look at me.” She turned her head upwards at me and I lifted my hand to wipe the tears from her face. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you.” She finally smiled.

“Jeff, why would you willingly plummet to your almost death? I know you do a lot of stupid things, but this may the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” She was absolutely right. Like always. 

“I just...felt the need to compete with Aiden. I wanted to show you that he wasn’t some hot-shot handsome guy that could do anything.” Annie looked bewildered.

“Why would you think that? I barely paid that much attention to him.”

“Oh come on Annie. This guy was a first-class flirt. It takes one to know one.” 

“Ah, ok. So he was flirting with me. I thought he was just being overly nice. Guys are just really hard to read sometimes.” She stared right at me when she said that last part. This time I had nowhere to hide. Particularly because if I tried, I’m pretty sure I would just fall over again. 

“I really am a pain in the neck, aren’t I? I’m all snarky and standoffish, and think I’m the coolest when in reality I can meet my demise when I notice a guy try to flirt with you.” I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that forward before. Annie’s eyes bulged out of her head, which confirmed what I said to be true. 

“You know I meant what I said earlier, right? You really have nothing to be jealous of. You have a lot going for you already. Sure you can be stupid sometimes, but you can talk your way out of any situation. I know you’re snarky, but you also have a heart made of jello,” she laughed at the end of that. She took a damp washcloth from a bucket on the floor and started dabbing it on my head. “I like you just the way you are. Even if sometimes you act like a handsome devil.” I flashed her one of my Jeff Winger smiles. My heart can turn into jello, especially for Annie. 

“Have I ever told you that you make a really good nurse?”

“Maybe once or twice.”

“Well, you make a beautiful nurse, milady. Caring for a person like me isn’t the easiest.” 

“Yeah well...you’re worth it to me.” I guess some good did come out of these injuries because that is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. And with that, I kissed the top of Annie’s hand. She was worth it to me too.