#but wanting to study such a different version of himself sounds about right lol

[pikabysss]

(Read tags for more context)

Wesker gives me the vibes of "there can only be one Wesker", but I don't think he would kill a very intriguing version of himself, indeed. Still, how would he react to be used as a test subject? I just know that winning Wesker would taunt the one he captured. So here's how I think they would act if they were put in a situation where they don't pretend to get along and that one of them won over the other.

Og Wesker:

He'd treat his other version as a mere animal. Since cats are a very common house pet, he'll definitely play into it. If he really likes cats, he would probably keep him as a pet. If he doesn't, he'll keep him in a cage and turn him into a potent bioweapon. Either way, he would probably get rid of his ability to speak to reduce him to just a beast even more. (By the way, Whiskers is wearing handcuffs and a shock collar. The scientist is holding a needle. Maybe Whiskers doesn't like needles...)

Furry AU Wesker (Whiskers):

I don't think Whiskers would be as harsh as Wesker on his other self. He'll keep him captive for tests and humiliate him. Although, he will treat him like a loser rather than a beast that doesn't deserve the right to talk. I think that because humans, in my furry au world, aren't animals or pets. They're just some kind of artificial monster species. So, it's truly an accomplishment for Whiskers to win against those strange monsters, something which he would easily take pride into. Although he will not play too much with fire, he'll make sure to keep Wesker enclosed and to not make him stronger than he already is (or so, he thinks he is secretely super powerful). (By the way, Whiskers put handcuffs and a shockcollar on Wesker. He's holding Wesker's sunglasses in his hand, basically denuding him.)

In conclusion, I think that they should be kept far away from each other or having Chris and Jill from each their world with them so they could keep an eye on their Wesker so this interdimensional meeting doesn't turn into chaos. In the presence of Chris and Jill, that is when Wesker and Wesker will pretend to go along and take the picture from the first blog. ^_^

Alright, I always liked the idea of og version of a character meeting a version of themselves from an au. So, with me having the thought of Wesker being a typical villain with a cat on his laps, it just... made me draw something so stupid. Aka: Albert Wesker having a photograph with Albert Whiskers (my furry au version of him.)

They seem to get along, but, nah, they totally want to keep the other captive (dead or alive) and use them to create a new kind of f*cked up bioweapon for their respective world. (Technically, they see their alternate version as a monster... I never really explained the concept of my furry au in detail... But, yeah, humans are like beasts or monsters to them. And, for og Wesker, I think it goes without saying... there's no furries in resident evil.)

Ok, unrelated, but since I'm talking about furries in Resident Evil... (no secret drawing ahead, just rambling)

is that just my imagination, or I swear I once saw a Resident Evil like parody about a guy who created furry bioweapons that ended up creating a virus that turns people into furries (or just a furry virus)? I swear I saw something like that. But, yeah, that's what Wesker would want to do with his finding. :/ Still, that would be a fooking funny resident evil parody.

"Do not yiff them, or you'll turn into a furry too."

"What did you say? UwU"

"Aaaaah! Oh no! I'm sorry, but you're infected... I must dispose of you."

[kumquats-are-gay]

Johnny Cage x Reader (NSFW)

18+ (MINORS DNI)

Hey, fuckers, I finally made some of the Johnny Cage x Reader content I promised. Just spent the past five hours writing this instead of doing my homework, lol. I imagined MK1 Johnny Cage for this, so it reflects his specific personality the most, but you could probably imagine a different Johnny Cage. I plan on writing for daddy/DILF MK11 Johnny Cage at some point, too.

Anyways, if you know me irl, then dear god please do not read this, and do not mention this.

...unless like, you enjoyed it and want to talk about it in a good way, ya know? Otherwise just ignore it. You can judge me silently, just please not to my face. K, thanks. Lmao.

A/N: If people enjoy this enough, then I'll take some time to make a gn!reader version of this later! Beta read by me (extremely unreliable) and pasted directly from Google Docs, so pardon any weird formatting.

Words: 2,688

Tags: female!reader, afab anatomy, smut, kind of rough smut, safe sane and consensual, fluff, full Nelson position, creampie, implied breeding kink (it's there for 0.2 seconds), sexual photography (only at the beginning portion), light overstimulation, Johnny is absolutely smitten with you, feelings, Johnny is also a total goofball, Johnny is a horndog

Please lmk if there are any tags you think I'm missing and/or should add! <3

Edit: Here's the AO3 link!

✨You're Something Else✨

He flipped over to the inner camera and curtailed his pace as he angled his phone this way and that, getting the perfect framing. Of course, he had also taken care to angle his dick just right and surprised you with one harsh thrust against your bundle of nerves. The noise you made was borderline pornographic. And, as you’d find out, so was your expression. You heard the sound of a synthetic camera shutter, and the knowledge of what that meant sent a different shudder throughout your body. 

“Take a look, babe,” he breathed into your ear before bringing the screen close enough for you to get a good look. “God, we’re so hot.” You struggled to keep your head up so you could look; it repeatedly threatened to loll over as Johnny slowly swiveled his hips this way and that. He seemed to pick up on your troubles, but mercy wasn’t part of his arsenal today. “C’mon, focus, hon’,” he huffed, a tad petulant, and grabbed your chin with his free hand to at least keep you facing forward. His movements didn’t relent, however. Johnny’s chin was hooked over your shoulder so he could look at the picture some more, too. “Here, why don’t you hold it?”

You grabbed the phone and were able to gather a modicum of your wits and senses, just enough to cut through the blurry glaze over your eyes. There you were, held tightly within Johnny’s thick arms. One of his hands was squeezing your breast. A sliver of your skin could be seen gripped between a glimpse of his teeth. The flash caught the glistening sweat that covered your bodies. Oh, and your face bared one of the most fucked-out expressions you think you’ve ever seen on someone. All in all, it was an incredible picture. He had a knack for the camera, you’d give him that. Johnny couldn’t seem to agree more, too. You heard his appreciative groan as he studied the picture yet again, his cock twitching within you.

“Fuck, gonna get that one framed,” Johnny said through nearly-gritted teeth. You wondered in bewilderment just where he would put it.

He dropped the phone onto the mattress, ignoring it in favor of using both of his now-free hands to grab your waist and roll the both of you over. He pushed himself up and back against the headboard with your back still pressed against his firm chest and gripped the underneath of your plush thighs in the process. His sweaty palms slid up to the undersides of your knees, which were soon replaced as he hooked his elbows underneath them instead. In a display of strength, he effortlessly pulled your legs apart and backwards, keeping them held there. You hissed just a little at the pain; your hamstrings weren’t ready for a sudden stretch like that. But you bore through it, for you knew the outcome would most certainly be worth it.

He strained your legs just a bit more, pulling them further back in order to get your arms in his grasp, too. His wrists were pressed against the front of your shoulders, and he topped it off by threading his fingers together behind your head, clasping his hands against the base of your skull. You could feel his warm palms bearing down on the back of your neck. You obeyed and yielded to the applied pressure by allowing your head to be pushed and angled downward.

And, just like that, you were practically immobile. He had you in a body-lock impaled on his dick. In other words, you were utterly at his mercy. God, his cock was already pressing against places you didn’t think were possible to reach—you could only imagine what it would feel like once he got go- “AH!”

“Sorry about that,” Johnny laughed, sounding completely unapologetic about the sudden, sharp thrust, “looked like you were thinkin’ real hard about something.” If you had more control over your mental faculties at the moment, perhaps you would have rolled your eyes in something other than pleasure. “Probably thinking ‘bout my cock, huh?” he tacked on, as if he needed to elaborate upon the obvious implication of his previous statement. You felt a hot wave of embarrassment wash over you nonetheless. You tried to cover your face, but gave a plaintive cry when you remembered that your range of motion was extremely inhibited right now. Johnny chuckled behind you; your attempt at hiding yourself hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“Johnny,” you whined, knowing fully well what saying his name like that did to him. Right on cue, you felt his dick twitch violently against your walls, but the man held fast. The realization that you wouldn’t be let off the hook so easily caused a delicious little knot of anxiousness to form in your belly.

“Nice try, sweetheart, but I wanna hear you say it,” he huffed against your hair. In a retaliation that doubled as a last-ditch effort to break his resolve, you clenched around him. This prompted a soft grunt to fall from his lips, but nothing more happened. He remained almost statue-still.

Feeling resigned and a little humiliated, you managed to whimper, “I-I was… thinking about your- your… cock…”

Johnny hummed in approval and rewarded you with a few thrusts, albeit rather shallow ones. You nearly wailed when he stopped again just to whisper into your ear, “Good, that’s good, babe, but I want the specifics; give me the dirty details.” The hands laced behind your neck kept you from throwing your head back in frustration.

“Johnny!” you cried out with more intensity than the last time. Johnny shuddered lightly, then blew out a focusing breath. He unlocked his fingers so that he could soothingly stroke your hair.

“C’mon, babe, you know I’m not gonna judge you for what you say, and it’s not like you’re sharing your thoughts with me unsolicited; I’m literally asking to hear them,” he cooed as he continued to mollify your flustered, frayed person. “And let’s be honest: you could say pretty much anything and it would turn me on.” You laughed in the form of a sharp exhale while a tear threatened to spill down your cheek. You couldn’t believe this man- he could be totally serious one moment, then have the humor of a teenage boy the next. It nearly gave you whiplash. Through it all, though, you heard the pleading sincerity underneath. No matter what, he was always so earnest with you—heartfelt to a fault. You loved him for that, and for many other reasons that would take too long to list. He wanted you to trust him, and you did. Wholly.

You sighed, though not in exasperation, and relaxed in his grip; you would have fallen forward if it hadn’t been for strong arms holding you up. The only thing that fell back was your head which now rested on his shoulder. Always an opportunist, Johnny took this moment to suckle at your exposed neck as you gathered your words (though his consistent mouthing made that a bit difficult). “I was, um… thinking about your- your dick, and how it would… feel in this position, f-fucking me.”

Johnny outright groaned this time, no longer feeling the need to hold himself back as you finally began to confess. “Yeah?” he prompted.

“Y-yeah…” you swallowed the lump in your throat before continuing, “‘cause it feels deep- deeper than usual.” At long last, you felt him start to move, causing immediate relief to flood your system. But you weren’t done; he had been so sweet when asking you, after all. Plus, the noises he began to make served as fuel for that fire within you, scorching and tantalizing all at once. “A-and just- ngh- how far you… hah, could- could come inside me.”

“Holy shit, yes,” Johnny gasped with excitement. His pace grew even more rapid after hearing your admission. “Gonna fill you to the goddamn brim-” he was almost panting now, “-and fuck my come so deep inside of you that- ah, fuck- that, soon enough, everyone will know who you belong to.” Another deluge of molten lava surged through you, responding to the implication held in his filthy words. Yet, you were helpless in this position to do anything about it. All you really could do was allow yourself to be used as Johnny’s personal fleshlight, but you didn’t mind. He bullied himself into you relentlessly, sparing you not a single moment of his love and lust for you, and the squelching sounds that echoed throughout the room were downright obscene. “Goddamn, you’re so fucking wet,” Johnny breathed. Your thighs were sore and you knew your voice would be scratchy tomorrow with how he was making you scream to the high fuckin’ Heavens and back. Your muscles begin to repeatedly tense and relax, a sign alongside your high-pitched keening that you were quickly approaching your orgasm.

“Oh, fuck,” he hissed at the intense stimulation you were providing. His grip turned vice as any inhibitions of his that were left (read: very few) were thrown out the door along with the metaphorical key. “Fuck…fuck!” He kept your thighs and arms squeezed between his biceps and forearms, leaving you unable to do anything but take it. It seemed like Johnny wasn’t very far behind you, but you needed just a little bit more to reach your release. So, naturally, you began to beg.

“Plea- GUH- nn…ple- h-ease…! Touch- hah…need-!” you sputtered, barely able to form a single coherent word with just how ruthlessly he was jackhammering into you. Knowing you and your body well by now, Johnny was able to interpret your nearly incomprehensible request. 

“Be good for me, baby,” he groaned. Johnny then released one of your arms and legs as he slid the respective hand down your torso—lightly pinching your tit on its way down—and over your sex. “Be a good girl and come for me,” he demanded before he pressed his finger against your clit and began to apply pressure in movements of tight little circles. It barely took five more seconds for you to come. You practically convulsed on his lap, your body jerking this way and that as pure ecstasy overtook every fiber of your being. Being the gentleman that he is, Johnny fucked you through it all, riding the wave of your frenzy alongside you. 

Oversensitivity began to inevitably settle in, though, and Johnny was still tearing through you like a bull in a china shop. Though the mingled pain and pleasure felt amazing, you weren’t sure how much of it you could take. Just as you were about to voice this, Johnny fiercely shouted your name before you felt the unmistakable warmth of his semen saturating your insides. He held you tightly against him as he continued shooting ropes of cum into your throbbing, awaiting pussy, all of which you readily accepted as you milked his cock with unrivaled greed. The peak of his pleasure seemed to go on for a while before he eventually began to simmer down. His whole body relaxed and he repositioned his arms around your waist while he eased his grip. 

It took some time for the both of you to regain your breath. Johnny’s fanned over your neck as your own grazed his collarbone. After some time you felt both of your hearts begin to settle, beating in and out of synchronicity. Johnny pressed a kiss against your temple, eliciting a contented sigh from you.

“God, you’re so hot,” Johnny proclaimed.

“I thought we were both hot?” you asked, parroting his statement from earlier.

“Well yeah, we are; I wasn’t People’s Sexiest Man Alive last year for nothing.” You actually did roll your eyes in amusement this time—would he ever stop bringing that up? “But, you? God, you’re…” he trailed off, momentarily at a loss for words (an extraordinarily scarce occurrence). Your heart skipped a beat as he struggled for what to say. “You’re just something else, you know? I don’t know how else to describe it—you’re just…amazing. Smart, funny, supportive, sexy-” he lowered his voice as he spoke the last word and drummed his fingers against your sides. You didn’t have to turn around to know he was wiggling his eyebrows like a fool. You lightly backhanded his shoulder for his antics, but he only laughed and grabbed your hand before you could pull it back and laced his fingers with yours. “Okay, no, seriously though, you always have my back no matter what I do or say, even when you know I’m wrong, as rare as that is-” This time, you used your other hand to softly smack at his chest. He laughed again, and you couldn’t help but giggle with him, especially when he did as you had expected and grabbed your other hand and also intertwined it with his own. After your snorts and snickering died down, he decided to kiss the tip of your nose.

“‘Something else’, huh?” you mirthfully repeated with a gleam in your eye. Johnny looked at you like a lovesick fool with those big, brown puppy-dog eyes.

“Something else,” he firmly restated as he held your gaze. You couldn’t help the shy, soft smile that adorned your features.

“At the risk of overinflating your ego, I have to say that I also find you to be ‘something else’,” you expressed, and then decided to elaborate,” “underneath all of that muscle, bravado, and good looks, you’re a big softy who has a heart of gold and lots of love to give, and I wouldn’t rather spend my time with anyone else.”

Johnny’s expression had morphed into a mixture of disbelief and awe by this point. He didn’t say a word—just continued looking at you like you might have hung the moon and the stars. It was a little overwhelming, though certainly not unwelcome. And then the goofiest grin you’ve ever seen on him suddenly stretched across his face, reaching from ear to ear. The look was completed with a single quirked eyebrow.

“You think I’m good looking, huh?”

“Oh, my God,” you groaned exasperatedly, but you couldn’t help the hint of amusement that seeped into your voice. “That’s it, I’m sleeping in the other room.” Though joking, you let go of his hands and made to get up, but Johnny’s reaction was instantaneous; he pulled you back against him, and only then did you realize that his penis was still inside of you as you felt it shift during the sudden movement. 

“Nooo, stay here,” he whined petulantly. He reaffirmed his grasp around your waist and kept you in his lap, snugly wrapped around his cock. Your stomach fluttered a little bit at the feeling of still being full while his seed dripped down along your perineum. 

You made an exaggerated sound of irritation, clearly putting on an act, and dramatically exclaimed, “Ugh, fine, I guess I can stay for a bit longer.”

“Knew you couldn’t resist my charm,” Johnny hummed into your hair, muffling his voice a bit. You just shook your head and smiled.

“You never miss an opportunity, do you?”

“Nope!”

You chuckled again before settling in against him, squirming around a bit to try and get comfortable. “You gonna pull out anytime soon, oorrr…?” you inquired.

For a brief moment, he acted like he was actually going to think about it, then quickly replied, “Nah, don’t think I will.” Though you weren’t opposed to the idea, this was certainly a new behavior from Johnny. You furrowed your brow.

“And why’s that?” 

“Hmm, I said I was going to fuck my cum into you,” he recalled like he was telling you about yesterday’s weather. And just like that, the dying ember that resided in your abdomen flared back to life. You could hear him lick his lips, which was followed by a nibble at your earlobe. He purred against it, “or have you already forgotten?” You could feel him beginning to harden again inside of your abused cunt.

Oh, this was going to be a long night.

[shmowder]

hope this request is okay! could you do hcs for Daniil (and maybe Lara if it’s possible?) with a reader/partner who has ocd? (More so issues with compulsions and anxiety not anything cleaning/germ related lol) I found your one for bpd and really enjoyed! How respectfully you handled it! You’re one of the only fanfic writers I’ve found who honestly writes that kinda stuff with the proper weight! It’s really nice to see since all I usually can find it yandere stuff in relation to bpd

also what do you think about Anna possibly having ocd? She’s a canon germaphobe but she reads to me as having cohort bpd and ocd!!

With a partner who has OCD

[hurt/comfort, obsessive compulsive behaviour]

[GN Reader]

Daniil Dankovsky

He's the type of person to be driven by what he deems as logic, reason, and proven methods. Oblivious to his own emotional motives at times, although, it doesn't make them any less real.

It creates a conflict at first, between the two of you.

His attempts to rationalise your anxiety are in vain, only serving to further frustrate. This isn't a foe that can be bested by sound reason. It never plays fair.

He's merely repeating the same logical arguments you've already used against the irrational fears, only for it to feed off of the attention. Making things worse, and in turn confusing Daniil himself as he struggles to understand why these things which usually help ground him down, aren't having the same effect on you.

It doesn't matter what the thing itself is, how big or small, a part of your brain insists that you halt your entire day just to immediately attend to it. Demanding your attention by force, a nonstop recording looping in your brain all day long.

Be it from simply glancing down to make sure you're wearing the same pair of shoes, or stopping halfway through the street and digging out your keys to read the number printed on the metal and make sure it wasn't magically swapped by a different pair of keys.

These thoughts weave themselves so seamlessly between all your other daily thoughts, adorn a mask of urgency, and make themselves seem as real as the sun in the sky during that specific moment.

They mark themselves as a need, you need to do this, otherwise the consequences will be catastrophic, and you need to do it now, otherwise your entire day—if not life—will be ruined. A cruel part of your brain makes it seem like you'll lose everything in a moment of carelessness.

So you give into the urge and do what it wants just to stop from feeling physically ill, from all-consuming anxiety attacks, to escape this fake reality that somehow enclosed you into it while you were none the wiser.

But it doesn't stop there; the cycle repeats at a later time with a different thing.

Daniil doesn't comprehend this right away, it takes him time to come to the grim realisation that he was only adding to your misery, worsening your state, encouraging the obsessive thoughts by attempting to rationalise them. Those arguments never lead anywhere, only harming you in the process.

Insisting on his version of events, that his word alone should be enough to erase all of your doubts, unaware that those were thoughts and feelings outside of your control.

The Bachelor takes it up in stride, fully admitting to his mistake, no arguments, no making things difficult, no denying of what happened. A sincere apology, not empty words and flakey promises.

And so he does the only thing he knows in time of need, he studies, researches about what ails you, consults colleagues who specialise in psychology, dusting up the old books they let him borrow.

Completely turning towards a different approach, his previous methods were flawed. It'd do no one any good to keep clinging to them when all he ever wanted from the start was just to understand you.

Daniil's self-aware when it comes to his comforting skills… or lack thereof. Reassurance hasn't been one of his best skills.

What he is good at, however, is putting on the air of being in control, of seeming capable, and knowing he is. During his brief years of working in healthcare before he established Thanatica, his confidence seemed to comfort his patients on its own, convincing them that they're in reliable hands, and allowing him the benefit of the doubt at every turn.

Whenever you get the compulsive urge to check on the state of something, like a stove being left on, or a water tap left open, Daniil offers to do it himself instead.

He's reliable, you agree, don't you? So let him do it, don't give your compulsion the satisfaction of having things done its way and its way only.

Informing you that he'll take full responsibility if the worst really comes to be. Since he already went to check the thing your fears have been pestering you about, if it really turns out to be in a dire state, then it'd be his fault and not yours.

You're not the one who left the stove open since Daniil walked back home, saw it turned off with his own eyes, and came back to tell you.

And if the house really does burn down, oh well, then it means he's in urgent need of an eye prescription. It's not your burden to carry anymore. It's his, at least, not yours alone.

He'll take the fall and deal with any consequences that may follow. You'd be reluctant to trust him the first time around, and he'd do his best to help you go through the day, offering distractions, sharing the latest news in his work with you, slightly violating patient-doctor confidentiality as he tells you about that one time a patient bit his finger 6 years ago.

Just to take your mind off things, playing the long game, knowing that consistency is the key here.

Because when it's the end of the day and the both of you return to a still standing house, your faith in him will slightly increase. And the next time he goes to check something for you and informs you about what he found, you'll have an easier time accepting his words.

Daniil abhors lying, you know that, everyone knows that. So when he says he really did the thing in your stead, you know he's telling the truth.

If this was the modern world, he'd be the one taking pictures of the state of the household just to prove that no, you didn't forget anything. It has become a daily task he never neglects, Daniil is very consistent with following through and doing what he's supposed to do.

Learning how to effectively diffuse situations, how with given time, and some rest, those fears aren't as big and scary as they first seem.

How to bring you down from a fit of anger, how to lift you up from a panicked state caused by debilitating anxiety. Using his knowledge and expertise as a healthcare professional, after all, and dealing with people in similar states is nothing out of the ordinary for him.

He's aware you're not the one he's arguing against. He's aware these thoughts and urges do not define you. You're not your obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviour, not the intrusive ideas or the clouding fears.

You're so much bigger, so much more complex, lovely, thoughtful, and whole. You're a whole capable human being.

This is merely a fraction of your brain that can be debilitating, a part that irritates you as much as anyone else. If anything, it must bother you personally even more, courtesy of being stuck inside your head all hours of the day.

Daniil views this as working alongside you against those irrational fears. If they go away, sure, that's great.

And if they don't? So what?

Daniil is here to stay as well, and he's twice as stubborn. He'll keep trying different methods, lend you his own memory and perspective, take note of the average everyday things that you might recall in doubt later, and reassure you as he stands witness against these irrational fears.

He doesn't see you as less. You are not less or wrong for having them. If anything, you're the one being tormented by them. He scoffs at the concept of you being considered a bad person for something as trivial as "bad" thoughts.

Let those people try living a day in your shoes, dealing with the constant pestering your brain has to deal with. Daniil is sure not one of them even has half your self will and control, to constantly attempt to resist these urges, to push these thoughts down and put an end to a spiraling conversation the fear in your brain abruptly started.

Dankovsky is the type of person to still stand by your side even if the worst comes to be, to take responsibility and attempt to fix things rather than waste time pointing the blame.

Even as you confide in him the intrusive thoughts your brain plagued you with, he views them as separate from you, through a passive lens.

You're not horrific or disgusting. You're not any of the names these fears keep throwing your way after, forcing you to imagine the same thoughts they've been shaming you for having.

As if a person's whole morality can be judged by whatever passing-by thoughts wandering in and out of their brain. You don't need Daniil to tell you how absurd that concept is.

And if there was no other way? If nothing worked and the anxiety became suffocating as you had to give into one of the compulsions and derail your entire day?

He'd go with you, derail his day too. Huffy and puffy sure, but he wouldn't place any real blame on you.

Bluntly stating it out if you show any sign of guilt, he's not the type to coddle. His words are concise.

You're not making him do this; he chose to be here by his own will. You're the one being forced to go through this by your brain. The least he could do is keep you company.

Reminding you that you're capable even without him, you don't require his reassurance, he's happy to give it all the same to ease your path, but at the end of the day it's you walking that path with your own two feet. It's you learning how not to feed into these compulsive urges and fears, to merely watch them pass through. No denying them, no arguing against them, merely observing and standing your ground.

Because the world is nothing like they make it seem, it's never “do this specific thing immediately or everything will go up in flames” there is no one to punish you, these fears hold no authority over you.

It's hard, unimaginably hard to have to be vigilant about which thoughts to trust since they tend to disguise themselves as common sense. It's hard to disobey what feels like a direct order from someone in a higher position, akin breaking a set-in-stone law.

Daniil can relate to those feelings more than anything. He was in a similar position and had to challenge actual authority, ones who held the power to order his execution with a snap of their fingers.

Life loves nothing more than forcing you to break your own principles. He found out the hard way. Every pillar he adhered to, forced to crumble beneath him, leaving him contradicting the person he'd been for the past decade with every action his current self took.

So yes, he's staying by your side, picking you up whenever you fall down, yet making sure you still know how to walk on your own.

-

Lara Ravel

For as long as she can remember, Lara believed that to be loved is to be known. But even now, she has a hard time understanding her late father, comprehending what exactly was he thinking, wasting his life away in the army, compensating her with a life of luxury as if those things could ever make up for all the time they never spent together.

She knows she loves you deeply. She cares about you more than life itself, yet for the life of her, she can never understand you no matter how hard she tries.

It's agonising, watching you suffer through the turmoil of intrusive thoughts. Not knowing what to do or how to help, feeling useless, restless, desperate to help in any shape or form.

Her haste was her shortcoming. The more she rushed to offer what she considered help in various and starkly different forms, the more you felt the sudden pressure place on you increase.

Especially when some of her help is unwarranted and abrupt, foregoing asking you what you might need, instead choosing to guess what you must need herself.

It's suffocating how she keeps throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, bordering interrogating you about your state afterwards, hoping that maybe this time, she actually did something useful.

You know she means well, you know her heart is in the right place… but you'd be lying if you said you don't feel like one of her charity cases at times, something to fix just because that's what Lara always does to "broken" things, as painful as that sentence felt to sound in your brain, let alone think of yourself that way.

You don't know how to voice these feelings without sounding “ungrateful” for her overwhelming attention, and so they begin to fester inside your chest, giving way to resentment as you become more and more distant.

She asks you to explain, and sometimes it's really hard for you to do so. How could you explain something that you yourself can't seem to grasp? It just lives with you, constantly hovering and making itself known at the worst time possible. You've learned to endure.

Rarely does the anxiety make sense. It's more of an intense feeling that keeps gnawing at your brain, repeating that your day will be ruined, your life will end, if you don't do this one thing, and do it now.

Horrific ideas and intrusive thoughts about people you love that leave a sour taste in your mouth, making you feel vile and disgusting inside. Wondering why did something like that even occur to you?

It was never one of your own thoughts to begin with, but another tool weaponized by fear to pressure you into doing what it wants.

Making your skin feel as if it was on fire, the prolonged stress giving way to nervous movements and trembles, snapping at innocents who were simply at the wrong place and time, only for shame and guilt to follow after.

Bottling it in, because sharing it with others seems to do more harm than good at times, leading to either being faced with judgement, questions you don't have the answer to, or both.

As the distance between you two increases, Lara's ways of forcing help come to an abrupt stop. The further away she is from the picture, the easier it becomes to see it whole and realise just what she's been doing this entire time.

Self-awareness dawns on her like cold water. She's remorseful for her actions, for not realising she was only adding to your pain, pushing you away, and making you regret confiding in her.

You don't have to comfort or reassure her. She's not a little kid. She knows what she did was wrong… How blinded that she was by grief.

Lara promises you never to repeat her past mistakes. Asking if you'd let her mend this, the shared life between you two, to try and make amends before she loses the person she loves most.

While it's challenging having to go against her instincts to jump into action and do something to help, she persists through them. You watch her part her lips to say something before wordlessly closing her mouth, on separate occasions.

Try as she might, she couldn't understand the workings of your mind before, so now she's decided to completely abandon that approach.

Lara's more resourceful than people give her credit for, she was the first one to think of establishing a shelter on the first day of the now gone-by plague, planning and executing it within the same day, and coordinating donations from people whom she knew wouldn't refuse to aid her cause.

So when faced with a conundrum she can't find an immediate solution to, Lara does the one thing she wished someone would've done for her during those nights of staying up worrying about her father.

She earnestly comforts you as best she can. Merely extending her unconditional support, the kindest form of love she can offer.

Foregoing all logic and reason, she repeats that she's by your side and is here to stay, through thick and thin, even during the hard days where giving into every compulsion is the only way to stay sane, especially during those.

She's endlessly patient, never rushing you as you recheck and recount things all over again just to be sure, as you take precautions for unlikely danger.

Standing up to aid in your activity, whatever it may be, observing your rituals and adapting the ones that help ease your mind when done by others.

If it brings you comfort, then it's worth it.

Anything is worth your peace of mind to her.

Slowly, bit by bit, she begins to accept your fears as they are. You don't need to understand the innermost workings of a machine in order to operate it well, and Lara is getting really good at determining what's bothering you.

She stopped asking for explanations; these fears don't deserve the courtesy of one, and it seems to only further worsen your state. So radical acceptance became her new approach.

Acceptance of you, of your fears.

You forgot to pass by your neighbour's house on the way home, and now your brain is telling you that the whole town must hate you and wish you to leave? Oh, she believes you, although neither of you have the money to move to the Capital, and if the whole town planned to siege this house with pitchforks and torches, it's kind of late for either of you to go anywhere anyway, the train only arrives once a month.

But you know what you can do? Make some tea, go upstairs into your bedroom, lock the room, and get under the cover. She'll accept death by an angry mob, but not without a warm beverage first.

The two of you spend an hour in bed upstairs, drinking warm tea and cuddling next to each other, the night passes by uneventfully, and the next day your neighbour waves hello at you as you're taking the trash out.

She doesn't challenge your compulsive behaviour as long as they don't cause you or anyone else any harm.

You two live in a small sleepy town at the in the middle of nowhere, the world won't end if you spend a day inside, the townsfolk wouldn't bat an eye if you enter and exist the same store 7 times, everything is within reach and it's a short trip back home no matter where in town you end up.

While the world itself wouldn't end, your anxiety gets the best of you and makes it seem like your world will end if certain things aren't done in specific ways and sequences.

And that's fine in Lara's book, take as much time as you need, she even helps you break them down, the rituals, turn them into a written list of small tasks spread out throughout the day so you'd still have time to eat, sleep, and rest.

It might not be the same as never giving into the compulsion, but it's definitely bars above never satisfying the urge at all.

When you do miss some steps or fail to perform certain parts, the panic in the aftermath isn't as overwhelming as it used to be when you'd forget the entire ritual, it's more palatable, easier to endure.

You can love someone without fully understanding them, and while love alone is never enough by itself, all the effort, care, and patience Lara keeps putting in seems to make it work so far.

She keeps waking up every day and choosing you, choosing this life with you.

As you are, she wants to be with you as you are.

You've been trying your best, too, which varies from day to day. On some days, you've accumulated the necessary courage to take risks and face those fears. On other days, enduring and surviving alone consumes all of your energy.

And on some days, you don't even realise that you forgot to do a certain daily ritual until after the day has ended. The comfort of knowing you have the time and space to indulge your compulsive urges sometimes makes it… easier to postpone them, which can lead you to getting distracted and forgetting them whole.

The safety Lara helped cultivate in your shared house eases your strife. Likewise, she seems to learn a thing or two from you, becoming more accepting of herself, more comfortable with the idea that she can't help in every situation, sometimes sitting things out and being a shoulder of support is the best she can offer.

And that's fine, that's okay, it doesn't make her useless despite what the cruel parts of her brain tell her. How she should offer the same kindness and grace to herself that she extends to others.

That you're stronger than she ever realised, more capable too. Your experiences made you especially understand the less talked about aspects of the human condition, in turn, Lara finds herself confiding in you as well.

Sharing words and thoughts she would've never told another person, confessing about the endless nights she spent awake in bed imagining all the worst case scenarios that would have occurred just because her father was a few hours late home.

While she doesn't have the heart to ever stop you if your compulsive urges became centred on seeking her reassurance to function, the safety at home, preservation of simplified rituals, and breaking tasks down make it much easier to break out of that cycle by yourself, step by step.

-

Credits:

A great thank you to:

@polyhedrongf / Lena

And

@gamersagainstthemachine / atrickofthelight

For their invaluable help when it came to creating this fanfic, their feedback, ideas, and suggestions helped shape many parts of this story. They've both contributed greatly when it came to addressing OCD and the ways to approach it.

It wouldn't have been possible without them, so thank you from the bottom of my heart <3

[ablizmal]

hello!! this is my selfship introductory post!!!

(i’m posting two versions of this post— one with all these lovely little gifs, and one without, as i know some people can be sensitive to them <33)

my dearly beloved selfship is lawliz 🥰 (or lawlizzie if i want it to sound even cuter lol).

it’s of. uhhhhhh. me and the sweets loving detective from death note/// 👉👈

(no this isn’t suggestive, it’s just y2k in-universe and i LOVE y2k clothing lol)

some basics on the selfship!!!

we appear to be solar opposites in a bunch of different ways!

he’s calm and collected, always keeping things to himself unless he wants to ruin someone’s entire life and be painfully blunt about something HAKDJAHDSJS. whereas i seemingly am open, emotional, and spirited!!

my alias is “juliette rae ambers” (YES i created a full ass pseudo name dhsjdkajdjajajs). but to distinguish me irl and in-selfship-universe me, i’ll refer to my self insert as “juliette” whenever i talk about them.

L first met juliette through a past case, as they did some SHADY looking shit lmao. she’s just that eccentric and erratic <333

SO after spending some time with her, he eventually realizes they’re not apart of the case. like at ALL. but L basically goes “okay. wait, what the fuck’s wrong with her actually?” and continues to spend time with them because of that HAHAJDJSJSKSJS (again— juliette is eccentric and unpredictable.)

watari brings up how excited and affectionate juliette gets whenever he catches a glimpse of them together. L doesn’t get why watari is bringing this up. watari suggests that perhaps, juliette has a crush on L.

yeah, so L’s brain crashes DHSKDJSKDJAJHSAKS

he didn’t even think of that as a POSSIBILITY because he views himself as undesirable, ugly, creepy, etc (🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

so L brings this up with juliette. she denies it terribly (because they’re such a mess when they’re flustered), but after relenting, L reveals that he brought it up because he’s interesting in learning more about it. he has trouble identifying his own emotions and hasn’t been in love before, so he asks me to be apart of a study. it’s just information, essentially, letters detailing specific sensations and lovey dovey thoughts i get of him.

i agree to it because i LOVE psychology and have always wanted to be apart of a psychological study!

but at this point, L isn’t in love with me. he slowly falls over time, much to his mental debates on if it’s “ethical” or not. (he’s overthinking it!!! ALSO, WOW, L thinking about morals when it comes to someone?? they must be a ~special someone~ to him 🤭)

the stoic character who keeps to himself is (mutually) in love with the visually expressive, musically inclined jester!!! (does this make sense 😭)

juliette is with L throughout the entire kira case. the first time the taskforce meets L, she’s just standing to his right side (it’s a whole thing) in a lolita getup, so they assume, like watari, that juliette is a maid to L of sorts. but NO, juliette just fucking LOVES fashion lmaooooooo

ANYWAYS, what i’m trying to get to is that juliette loves music. it connects to them on such a deep level, and they love to sing and entertain. so sometimes, as a break/interlude in the kira case, she sings and plays songs. (they’re oddly captivating… just like a performer at an event.)

L can’t have the taskforce knowing him and juliette’s interpersonal relationship, so he and juliette have silently agreed to refer to each other as “associates” whenever the question comes up.

juliette talks out loud a lot as a habit. but, again, she likes to be entertaining first and foremost, so she only says things she thinks will be the most intriguing. she can keep to herself just fine. but L knows. he knows how intentional everything they do is. he can relate, and is intrigued about this part of them. and without fail, he listens, catalogues, and responds to everything she says U///U because he caaaaares 🥹🥹🥹 (much to light’s annoyance during the case lol)

once misa starts to reside in the taskforce headquarters, you fucking KNOW she and juliette would become ✨fashion besties✨ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

juliette is very silly, laidback, loose, witty, thoughtful, and compassionate. will and has been promptly serious when the time calls for it.

juliette has forced L to watch rocky horror with them so. many. times. it’s now their couple movie of sorts aha <3

juliette cannot STAND light. he’s such an arrogant bitch baby, so she insults and burns him constantly (which L… enjoys 👀 JFKSJFKSJDKSJS, HE LOVES THE FACT THAT I CAN DEFEND MYSELF AND THAT I’M NOT A DOORMAT)

it’s so interesting to listen to these two talk. cause like, L is formal, a bit oddly polite in his wording, and naturally uses long words here and there. juliette, on the other hand, is very casual in speech. she casually swears, she refers to others with “dude,” “bro,” and “man,” and uses some slang words here and there. the taskforce members gawk at the sheer contrast sometimes.

so juliette’s mainly goth, right?? misa introduces her to the fashion, and she fucking loves it. her usual goth color combo is hot pink and black!!

…buuuuuut, juliette likes fashion in general, so sometimes she wear “pretty in pink” ass y2k outfits, then at other times glam rock-y, then gritty type of clothing, then elegant, they girly, then—

L loves to see whatever outfit they come up with (he for sure spoils the FUCK out of her hahajdjsjsja awwwwwwwww 😊 <333)

THEY’RE LITERALLY THE “plain boyfriend + alt girlfriend” COUPLE DHSKDHKADJKASJKASJAJA

i could go on and on, but this is an INTRODUCTORY post, soo……….. these are the basics of their dynamic!! i will post art, fics, and just ramble posts in general talking about it!!! :]

you can find more content in my “accidental emo boy meets intentional goth girl(gender neutral)” tag on here, OR on my new, selfship only account @lawliz-indulgence !

i love this little selfshipping community, xxx (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

[yuexuan]

[Review] 破云

Title: 破云 (Breaking through the clouds)

Author: 淮上

Length: 155 chapters + 6 extras

Tag: Crime and mystery, action, thriller

Summary [taken from novel updates]:

Foreboding clouds raced across the skies above the city.

Three years ago, as a consequence of Commander-in-Chief Jiang Ting’s error in judgment during an anti-drug operation in Gongzhou, a chain of explosions occurred at the scene and caused the Narcotics Division to suffer heavy casualties. Now three years later, Jiang Ting, whose flesh and bones should’ve faded from existence after dying at the line of duty, actually miraculously woke up from a vegetative state.

His heroic soul could not rest ��� he must return to the mortal world from the depths of hell and exert all that he has in order to bring the bloody and inconceivable truth to light.

Novel | Novel[translated] | Audio drama | Manhua

Comments **Contain spoilers**:

Ok, this is the second time I am reading the novel: the first time in 2021 with the full uncensored version and the second time with the censored physical version. But honestly? The censored version still has so much fluff and sweetness, and I’m reminded once again why this is one of my favorite danmeis.

First off, a little bit more about the novel: The story starts off with former Commander-in-Chief of the drug task force Jiang Ting recovering from his three-year coma. He was discharged and started living at the KTV ran by one of his former informants. It was just his luck that a body was found in the KTV’s freezer and the cause of death attributed to an overdose of drugs. This led to the unfolding of a series of drug, kidnap, and murder cases that were related to Jiang Ting’s troubled past, and his meeting with Yan Xie, the eventual love of his life. 

Highlights:

I’ll say it again, in spite of the censored version, there were still tons of tooth-aching fluff. Jiang Ting and Yan Xie living together? Check. Jiang Ting cooking for Yan Xie and teaching him how to cook? Check. Yan Xie acting as a personal training coach for Jiang Ting? Check. They were so domestic when not working on cases and their chemistry was just *chef kiss*, the right balance of action versus mellow, brash versus stoic.

Talking about characters, the gong - Yan Xie - can come off as being too much of an overbearing ‘straight man’ when treating his underlings, but he reserved all his softness for Jiang Ting and helped the latter heal from his past traumas. He liked to think of himself as boyfriend material, despite the amount of time people want to ‘slap his face with a shoe’ and how often he got jelly of Yang Mei lol. I love how action-oriented and confident he is, and yes, there’s a reason why Yan Xie is known as one of the four coquettish gongs (‘四大骚攻’) in danmei.

When it comes to plot, Poyun presents an engaging read, filled with all sorts of plot twists and heartaches (Up until the end, we had cause to believe that Jiang Ting might be the villain). The cases are logically sound and the pacing is tight, but leaves enough room to balance the plot with the right amount of fluff. 

Another thing that I appreciated was the amount of research put into the novel. I’m actually taking notes along the way for future reference when (and if) I eventually write my crime-related fanfic~ There were just so many details, such as the different types of police and their roles, the laws, information on the drug market etc etc. And it’s integrated really well into the narrative, not just thrown as exposition. 

Also, can I talk about the female characters? It’s sort of a common critique that danmeis don’t have great female characters, but I’ll say that Poyun has a strong female cast: there’s the almighty Madam Zeng Cuicui, who was so disappointed in her son Yan Xie’s love life that she started studying up on same-sex marriage laws lol; then there’s the street smart Yang Mei, the source of Yan Xie’s envy but overall a great informant; and also the eager Han Xiaomei, who, despite her small stature, actually had a stand down against J and survived; and finally, let’s not forget Chief Yu, who was ready to retire but still managed to provide support in so many cases. Even the bad guys (gals?) such as Bu Wei were quite smart and cunning. Definitely a good selection of female characters!

Now this is probably the controversial part, but when it comes to pairings, I also shipped K and Q. Hard. Heck, add in J too, I don’t mind a KQJ threesome hehe. I loved the whole drug lord and police dynamic, their constant cat-and-mouse chases, their enemy-childhood friend relationship, and how gentle but also cruel K treated Jiang Ting. It just scratched my dark ship itch <3

[michygranger23]

Hi hello there!! I bring to you more of the discduo Spider-Man AU!! As always, I literally make this up as I write this, so yeah XD. ANYWAYS INTO THE RAMBLE!!

"Discduo: Into the Spider-Verse (Part 1)"

There was silence in the room after Spider!Tommy unmasked himself and he looked to be having what looked like a starring contest with Spider!Dream (they were panicking in the inside), that is, until Puffy breaks it.

"Well...why don't you introduce yourself to the rest of the team mhm? We can get to know you better so we can help you get to your universe"

This seemed to snapped Tommy and Dream out of their trance, Tommy took a quick last glance to Dream before he started to speak.

"Yeah, YEAH, you're right Puffy, sorry about that haha. Well, I'm the big man TommyInnit, and I'm the Amazing Spider-Man from my dimension!! I'm also known as Musical Spider in the media most of the time. I actually don't know what dimension I exactly come from, since I never thought there were other ones besides mine, but anyways. I've been Spider-Man for about 3 years now, I'm studying Film in college now, I'm best friends with my version of Ranboo and Tubbo, and--"

Just as Tommy was arriving at the part of his brother, the alarm sounded. It was Tubbo's alarm informing him about an attack on the city.

"Sorry Tommy, but we'll need to leave the introductions for later, right now it seems the Lizard and The Goblin are robbing a facility full of metal and technological parts, we need to go an stop them", said Spider!Tubbo

Everyone (minus Puffy) put on their masks and started heading out of the base.

"Good luck everyone!! Try not to get too injured, it's difficult to clean after one Spider-Man, let alone six more!!"

"Don't worry aunt Puffy, we will" Tubbo and Tommy exclaimed at the same time. They look at each other for five seconds.

"We need to talk about that later", they said both at the same time.

Dream was also shocked to hear what Tommy said, but like the kids said, they'll talk about that later.

AND THAT'S IT FOR THIS PART!! This was short because I needed to get them out of the base so I can actually start writing more of the plot properly haha. Yes, if you noticed, Tubbo and Tommy have Puffy as their aunt, but obviously is different context for each of them, so they definitely need to talk about that lol (As well as with Dream, because in HIS universe both Tommy and Dream became orphans). And I also didn't want it to be so easy for discduo to reveal their tragedy of their own dimensions, we need the angst after all hehe. Let me know your thoughts and opinions about this!! I really like to read them

[seraphtrevs]

I want to study Lalo so bad like I want to know how his brain works but also some of his allure is how much of a wildcard he is but also man. I wanna write him sooo bad but I have no idea how. Since you’re CEO of Lalo in my mind… do you have any pointers? I adore the way you interpret him so much

Aw, you're sweet! <3

I recommend rewatching his scenes to get a sense of his mannerisms and the way he speaks. Sometimes I'll put an episode on while I'm doing chores so I can focus on listening, or I'll turn off the sound so I can just watch. He's very expressive and talks with his hands a lot.

As for his psychology - for me, his playfulness is his most prominent trait. The Game really is a game to him - he takes it seriously but also doesn't see any reason not to have fun with it. In the Werner Ziiiiiiiegler scene, he's clearly delighted at having a mystery to solve. When Mike interrupts his phone call with Werner, he doesn't get mad - he smiles, because he's found a worthy opponent.

He's intensely curious and extremely intelligent - his theme is called "Nothing Gets Past Lalo" for a reason. He loves puzzles and is very good at them. Without a challenge, he gets bored, and a bored Lalo is very dangerous. He'll go make up trouble if it doesn't come to him.

He's got a streak of noblesse oblige (think of the scene with the migrants), which is why he tries persuasion first most of the time. Sometimes, alas, the little people must die for the greater good (him winning the Game), but he likes people for the most part. They're fun to play with. He loves to charm and persuade, but he loves to tease and annoy just as much. He enjoys attention, however he can get it.

He thinks very highly of himself, but I wouldn't say that he has an ego, exactly - like, he would never lose his shit over someone 'disrespecting' him the way Tuco does. It would be beneath him to care what the little people think of him, so he doesn't. That being said, he does like people to appreciate him, especially the ones he considers under his 'protection' (except when he has to slaughter them for his own purposes).

But he wants to be loved, not feared, and it seems like he's successful, if the scenes with his staff at the hacienda and with his double and his wife are any indication. He considers himself sentimental, but it's more like playing at having feelings. I don't think he's fully aware of how shallow his emotional pool is.

He's extremely good at figuring people out, but he does it through logic rather than empathy, which he lacks. When Kim came to visit him in jail, it takes her mentioning that they're married for him to figure out they're in love, while most people would have gotten it right away just from how she was acting.

It's hard to make him angry, but when he does lose his temper, it's a total meltdown - think of him beating the chair against the wall in the sewers when he finds out Hector's phone is tapped.

He's incapable of feeling anxiety. Even when Gus sends assassins after him, his response is anger, not fear.

I could probably go on lol, but hopefully that's a good start! And don't be afraid to put your own twist on him - this is just my interpretation. I like to write a slightly different Lalo with every fic, emphasizing or de-emphasizing various facets of his personality depending on what I would like to explore. To me, characterization in a fic is more about writing possible versions of the character than mimicking canon exactly. You want to keep them recognizable, of course, but don't be afraid to play around. Lalo would want you to have fun with him!

[edasnest]

Might you have any Raeda headcanons you'd be willing to share?

Oh shit I didn’t see that you sent this to me until now oh man.

But you better believe I’ve got some Raeda headcanons >:D

[Spoilers for Eda’s Requiem and Knock Knock Knockin on Hooty’s Door! Also a little bit of a character study regarding those eps lol]

Raine is constantly in awe of Eda. Eda’s desire to learn every kind of magic and buck tradition and societal norms sometimes leaves them breathless. When they were young, Raine always admired Eda for the clever pranks she’d pull using different kinds of magic despite being in the potions track. They also admired Eda’s boldness when it came to standing up for herself and her sister.

Eda found Raine to be interesting considering they were in the bard track despite their stage fright, but once Eda watched them perform and saw how they’d lose themself in the music was, no pun intended, magical. They had a fierce grip on Eda’s heart and she didn’t know why; she was fascinated by Raine and made it her goal to be best friends with this oddly shy bard (which she achieved pretty quickly).

After Eda’s curse caused her to unintentionally disable her dad, she was terrified of what it would mean if she was caught off guard like that again. So she started putting up walls. No stressful situations, no hard conversations, no sudden bright lights or loud sounds that she wasn’t the cause of. If she could be in control of her surroundings, she could control the Owl Beast. The elixir she’d discovered that could keep the curse’s side effects at bay helped maintain her sanity and her chill demeanor, but Raine was able to tell she was always slightly on edge. Raine knew about the curse; after Eda had transformed on the Grudgby field the first time everyone had been talking about it, but they didn’t know the extent of it. Everyone just said she’d turned into a monster and then fled; but what kind of monster?? But every time Raine tried to get more information about it, Eda would brush it off and change the subject. It broke their heart watching Eda brush off something that was clearly bothering her, and eventually it all came to a head. She was lying more and more often to Raine and they just couldn’t take it anymore. What happened to their best friend??? Why would she lie to them????? It was maddening and all the frustration and aching in their heart became too much. They needed to focus on something other than Eda. They weren’t nearly as bold as Eda, even after all these years, so they joined the Bard Coven in order to start teaching and building a career for themself. They’d happily welcome Eda back if she’d just tell them what was going on. But it never happened. Burying themself into their work and then, eventually, into the BAtTs helped keep the heartache at bay, but only sometimes.

Eda and Raine caught glimpses of each other as the years passed. They’d spot one another in the market or Raine would see a flash of unmistakable ginger hair dashing around a corner; sometimes they’d hear Eda yelling at some Coven guards and quietly hope she’d make her escape. Eda would occasionally see posters advertising a performance starring Raine; she’d either buy a ticket or sneak in just to listen to them play again. She could never stay for very long though because listening to them play made her heart hurt so much she’d be at risk of turning into the Owl Beast. Raine grabbed one of Eda’s wanted posters and keeps it hidden under some other paperwork in their desk, pulling it out sometimes and going over every detail of the artist’s rendition of her. One day, a new wanted poster came out - this one with a weird skull dog now part of the image and the bounty having increased significantly. Raine would always smirk whenever they saw the new version, although they were alarmed the first time they saw her drawn with all-grey hair. When had that happened? They weren’t that old yet, right??

The day Eda saved the BAtTs and figured out Raine’s secret was maybe the best day Raine had had in years. Their best friend was talking to them again, helping them with their plot. Raine didn’t bother pushing Eda about the last 20 years; their last conversation proved enough that Eda didn’t like it when people pried. But Eda had become not just older, but so much more kind and open. To a degree that sort of shocked Raine. When they asked Eda if she had nothing to lose and Eda took their hand, it was like they’d gone back in time. As if they were both 20 again and daydreaming about a world they’d create for themselves where covens weren’t there to shackle witches down and stage fright didn’t exist; where Eda’s curse never happened and they could stay there on that hill forever.

Eda of course was warring with her own emotions during all of this; she was under the impression that everyone in her life was leaving her again. And not because she was pushing them away this time, but of their own volition. She got her big sister back only for her to go back home to their parents after just a few weeks. She overheard King talk about leaving to find his dad and her apprentice - the first person to ever break down all of Eda’s defenses and show her how to love again - was constantly working on ways to go back to her own home. Eda would be left with Hooty and Owlbert and absolutely nobody else and that hurt so much more than she cared to admit. So when Raine showed up in the town square with their BAtT mask on, using their magic to turn some coven guards into bumbling fools, Eda was a little shell-shocked. The first person to leave her of their own volition was right there in front of her and needed help. So she helped them. And when she became invested in their plots to free wild witches, she felt like she was a teenager again, plotting out pranks with Raine in her secret shortcuts room at Hexside, blushing at every interaction they had because even after all this time, Raine was still Raine. Her Rainstorm. It was like she was starting over, like the last 20 years had faded away, except they hadn’t. Because Luz and King were competing in a race that she needed to be there for. Her past and her present were all different types of painful but finding Raine like this again gave her so much hope! Until she realized she wouldn’t see the end of that race, not if it meant stopping Belos. And she was ready for that, ready for the pain to just stop already, but Raine wouldn’t let her.

Losing Raine again was so much worse the second time. But what they said stayed with her and Eda needed to get back to King and Luz. So when she got back and discovered they’d lost, of course her first thought was to help them. Anything to take her mind off of what she’d just lost. And when King announced that he wasn’t leaving at all, he was legally changing his name? She was “stuck” with him forever? That was too much and she just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Someone wasn’t leaving her. In fact he was legally binding himself to her. No one was leaving, at least not any time soon. Eda definitely still cried more that night after King and Luz had gone to bed.

In the future, Eda and Raine agree to start from scratch: Eda explains the curse to them in detail, all the things she’s learned about it over the years and specifically with Luz and King and Hooty’s help. She explains that Lilith was the one that gave it to her to begin with and why (Raine is appalled like???? Raine specifically worked with Lilith in that last year before they had been made head of the Bard Coven?? And Lilith showed maybe irritation at best at the mention of Eda, so like?? What the fuck???). Eda also explains how she’s come to accept the curse as something that’s part of her and the history the Owl Beast has that she got a glimpse of which is super intriguing to Raine. Also Harpy Eda was a thing which was maybe the most surprising part of it all.

Raine in the meantime tells Eda about their time working their way up the ranks of the Bard Coven, how they met each of the BAtTs and recruited them, the façade they had to maintain to stay on track to become the head of the Bard Coven (something that greatly impressed Eda given Raine’s history with being an awkward actor).

Eda introduces Raine to Luz and King to which both of them start shooting rapidfire questions at them and overwhelm them pretty quickly. Eda has to shoo the two away before Raine just bursts out laughing, saying something about how they’re definitely Eda’s kids (all of them blush while Raine is laughing). Luz is just as fascinated with Raine’s Bard magic as Eda was when they first met and the similarities between the two are striking. Raine tells Eda as much later on and Eda begins gushing about what a great apprentice Luz is and everything she’s done during her time on the Boiling Isles.

They fall easily back into dating once they reconnect properly and everything’s calmed down a little - Raine will still be humming a piece they’re working on and suddenly grab Eda and begin dancing to the tune, Eda laughing the whole time and making their heart soar. Eda will still play with Raine’s earring when they’re cuddled up together just chatting. Raine will start asking Eda again for her opinion on musical pieces they’re working on and Eda will make suggestions along with some jokes or snide commentary. They both still love watching the clouds overhead on their hill, sometimes playing music, sometimes just holding hands.

Raine loves watching Eda interact with Luz and King. They love watching how easily Eda loves them and how much she’s changed since they first broke up. Once they’re alone together, in a moment total admiration for how far they’ve come, Raine tells Eda they love her. Eda immediately kisses them and starts crying, repeating Raine’s words back to them and mumbling about how she’ll never let Raine leave ever again.

A canon Non-binary love interest to a main character that uses They/Them pronouns??? In my kids cartoon???? It’s more likely than you think.

Anyways I fucking love Raine and I love how much Eda and Raine love each other and I can’t wait to see what ends up happening with Them™️

[ancientwastedlores]

Undone by “Darling”

REQUEST (from @november-solarstorms​): Celebrating another year of this earth being braced by Tom Hiddleston's presence! Lol. Might I make a prompt request? I feel as though it would be interesting to read from Loki's POV to explore the dynamics between him and a human female who is just as intelligent as he. She has a sharp wit and even sharper tongue. Her sarcastic and clever nature enable her to out-banter Tony Stark, the king of snark himself (may he rest in peace). But she is also just as flirtatious and salacious. She never blushes, never falters, and is incredibly clever. You can decide the nature of their encounter. Really im just in it for a good game of cat and mouse.

A/N: Okay, I had SO MUCH FUN writing this!! And yeah, this will run a bit longer than my usual fics lol. Also, there IS a Loki POV, just keep reading thaaanks <3

WARNINGS: none. 

WORD COUNT: 1,932

____________________________________________________________________

Undone by “Darling” 

17 hours and 6 white chocolate mochas later, it was finally ready - an upgraded version of Corvus Glaive’s glaive, this one spec-ed out to your fancies and requirements. It was a beast, and definitely not something Nick Fury would ever let you play around with, even if you made it. 

Satisfied with your work, you remove your safety goggles and grin at Stark, who is working on his own weapon he scavenged from the Black Order. 

‘I’m done!’ you say triumphantly, causing him to look up and groan.  ‘How did you finish before me!?’ he lowers his glasses and looks at your weapon.  ‘I’m smarter’ you say.   ‘I went to MIT’  ‘And I didn’t, yet here we are, both in the same lab’. 

He shakes his head, not unlike a petulant child, causing you to laugh. 

‘How far along are you?’ you ask.  ‘Still running diagnostics’.  ‘Still!?’  ‘Have you seen the size of his hammer?’ he gestures to Cull Obsidian’s chain hammer on his work table, but the innuendo doesn’t escape you and you grin at him. He facepalms. ‘Y/n, for god’s sake...’  ‘You’re just tired, or you’d appreciate the joke too’. 

You stretch your weary body and let out a deep breath. You’d test the weapon out tomorrow, but for now, you need a nap. 

‘Take a load off, Stark. Hammer’ll be there tomorrow’.  ‘Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you...’ he puts his goggles back on and get to work. 

xx

Loki’s POV: 

Humans are surprising, but I always knew that. I never thought them boring, even if my brother says I do. Humans are of so little power but such incredible resilience that it’s frankly astonishing. I am inclined to believe that sometimes resilience is just stupidity... in most cases, I am right. But that’s not to say I haven’t come across some truly brave people. 

Take the Avengers Tower, for example. 

Just in here, you have Y/n, a brave soldier with the mind of an intergalactic scavenger, and I do mean that as a compliment. She’s awfully clever, she can build better than Stark, and has a track record of finishing every mission to perfection and before time. And then you have the Super Soldier Steve Rogers, a big muscled, big hearted idiot who often mistakes challenging our enemies for bravery and morality. 

The two couldn’t be more different, but they get along like siblings. Not siblings like Thor and I... better adjusted, perhaps. 

They sit in front of me, talking about some mission while they play Chess. Her moves are quick but calculated, his take more time because he’s more interested in telling his story than playing the game. 

‘...so there I am, no weapons, no shield, bang in the middle of the Serpent Citadel...’ 

He’s a good storyteller, I’ll give him that. But not as good as Y/n. She paints quite a picture, full of delicious gory details and horribly dark jokes. 

‘Steve, you have to pay attention, you’re losing’ she says.  ‘Yeah, I don’t actually know how to play chess, I just wanted you to listen to my story’. 

She looks up at him, almost offended. ‘STEVE...’  ‘Cool, I’m gonna go wrap Stark into a game of Battleships and tell him about my fight with Copperhead’. 

She laughs as he leaves the room, and she puts the chess pieces away. 

‘We could play?’ I ask her.  ‘Is the God in a mood to lose?’  ‘Over confidence isn’t attractive in anybody’. ‘Oh darling, neither is telling someone what is and isn’t attractive’. 

She’s never called me that before, and in the context it should seem cutting, but it isn’t. ‘Darling?’  ‘Problem?’  ‘It’s quite a term of endearment to set someone straight’. 

She says nothing. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ I tease her. She only smiles and continues putting the pieces away neatly. Stark’s chess set is gold and black, all individually carved pieces. The pawns are all Iron Man suits, but that’s to be expected. She handles them with the care Stark would. 

‘I mean...’ I continue, ‘honestly, if someone heard, they’d never let you live it down’. 

And she carries on, unbothered. 

‘Y/n!’  ‘Oh dear, look at you come completely undone with just one term of endearment’ she comments, shutting the chess set. ‘Whatever would happen if I held your hand?’ 

The very thought of it seemed to drain my brain of blood. I unwillingly glanced at her hands, working the lock mechanism of the box, her blue veins prominent. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ she asked. 

I stood up, the human emotion of embarrassment becoming too familiar for me. ‘I’ll have to see you at lunch’.  ‘Sure, darling’. 

Oh, I hate how she’s enjoying this. 

----------

The next day, Y/n booked a training room to test out the Glaive, and Stark had a rusty but working chain hammer. Steve insists on trying it out anyway, and now our breakfast is being spent on discouraging him from doing that. 

‘Guys... if nothing else, I’ll still have my shield. Let me test it out!’  ‘Y/n’s glaive cuts through Vibranium, you know that, right?’ Stark says.  ‘Y/n wouldn’t do that’. ‘Oh yes she would’ Y/n says nonchalantly as she sinks her teeth into a bacon and egg sandwich. 

As she does, the yolk runs down her fingers. She makes a sound at the inconvenience and sets the sandwich down, then grabs a napkin. I’m hardly ever crude, but the energy it took not to take her hand and lick off the yolk myself could burn every star in the galaxy. 

Captain America scrunches his nose at her remark, severely offended. 

‘In any case, that shield barely covers your giant body. It will force Stark to make you a new one’.  ‘What do you care about his giant body’ Stark says.  ‘It’s America’s ass, Tony’ she takes a sip of her iced coffee. Steve blushes, and Tony rolls his eyes. 

----------

The training facility is magic, of course, somewhere between a mirror dimension and Wanda’s reality powers creating a safe cocoon inside the building so no one can be harmed. Y/n hardly trusted anybody to fight with her except Thor, but given the nature of Corvus’ Glaive, she knew magic would be required. 

And so she called me. 

After getting into my battle armour, I stepped into the facility, equipped with my sceptre and the teachings of the witches of Asgard. 

She whistles as I walk in. ‘Trying to distract me from killing you?’  ‘Are you?’ I ask. She’s dressed in a black bodysuit, details of purple in her belt and weapon harnesses.  ‘Why yes, I am. Glad you noticed’. 

The glaive is on the floor, and she stomps her foot on one part of it so it swivels up and neatly places itself in her hand. She smiles. 

‘Try to keep up. I’m not just looking for eye candy in a training partner, darling’ she says, getting into battle stance. 

With nothing left to say for the second time this week, I aim the sceptre at her and the stone at the end glows. 

She charges and I shoot at her, but she spins the glaive and creates a shield which absorbs the energy. 

She continues to charge at me. I shoot again, and again the glaive takes the hit. Not a scratch on her. 

Once she comes closer, she simply places the flat end of the weapon against my chest, sending me hurtling back into a wall. 

She spins the glaive and laughs. 

‘Compliments of Wakanda. It absorbs any hits and charges up with kinetic energy’. 

I get up on my feet. This is far from over. I create multiple illusions to surround her, all of them brandishing knives, Chitauri tech, and sceptres. 

‘Damn, suddenly my whole evening has opened up’ she says, looking around.

Even my clones look around at each other puzzled. 

‘Come on then, who’s up?’ she spins the glaive around. ‘One at a time or all at once, baby’. 

They charge at her, and I expected her to fight them off at once... instead she plants the staff on the ground and ducks, and a semi-circle shell grows from the top of the staff, down to the floor... like a mini fortress, completely impenetrable. It could, no doubt, continue to take hits and build up kinetic energy, so I call off the clones. 

She gets up and retracts the shell. ‘Nanotech’ she grins at me. ‘The whole shell sits in a disk. It can withstand bombs and even a moon’.  ‘Is there any tech you haven’t adopted?’  ‘I’m an intergalactic scavenger, aren’t I?’ 

I stare at her, horrified. Can she read minds? 

‘Maybe I can. Or maybe I heard you tell Stark when he was complaining about me finishing my weapon first’. 

Silence. 

‘Also, darling, you’re awfully predictable in your fighting’. 

She picks up every trick and tech she sees, so beating her is less about weapons and more about cunning. 

No problem. Cunning is my specialty. 

‘Ready now?’ she asks.  ‘Mhm’. 

She takes a deep breath to ready herself, her eyes shutting slightly. Once they open back up, she stares in shock. 

In my Jotun form, I give her my most menacing smile.

She cocks her head to the side, studying my icy blue skin. 

The illusion I cast of myself approaches behind her, dagger in hand. Once it’s close enough and I can almost taste my victory, she raises the glaive and in one swift motion, sticks it into its abdomen. 

The illusion disappears into green light. 

‘Cute’ she remarks. She points the glaive at me. ‘What else you got for me?’  I shift back to my Asgardian form and sigh. ‘You win’. 

Y/n laughs and lowers her weapon. ‘Oh darling, I won the second you walked in wearing all that leather’. She winks at me, then walks out of the facility. I feel a blush creep to my face, much against my will. 

-------------

‘Maybe you should stick to your guns, Tony’ Y/n says, ‘Fancy suits is it for you, chain hammers may be overshooting it’.  ‘Is that what they taught you in the back alley you learnt ironmongery from?’  ‘Yes! Do you want their number, I’m sure they’ll have a spot on the waiting list for you’. 

Ah. Y/n’s relationship with Stark seemed more like mine with Thor. While they banter, Steve and Natasha tear up from laughing. I wouldn’t go so far as to call this domestic, but it certainly is comfortable. 

‘Come on, the glaive can’t be that good, right Loki?’ Stark asks. 

The company looks at me expectantly. ‘To say her weapon isn’t good enough means to insult your own tech, Stark. Everything about it is founded on your theories’. 

‘So technically, it’s my brain that made the glaive so cool’ he tells Y/n.  ‘Yeah, you could say that. The glaive comes from the same mind that manufactured Captain America’s dinner plate’. 

Steve doesn’t find that one funny, but Natasha does, sending her into peals of laughter. 

‘Oh whatever’ Tony huffs. ‘I’m going back to the lab’. 

He stands up and Y/n grabs his arm. ‘Aww Tony, I’m just kidding!’ she pats his hand, ‘Look, you’re a brilliant inventor, we all have our slow days’. 

He sighs and nods, and holds her hand. ‘Thanks... I guess I’m just not in my element, you know?’  ‘Yeah...’ she keeps patting his hand. 

And the feeling of domesticity creeps in. We really are all a family. Y/n smiles encouragingly at Tony, and Tony seems more relaxed. 

‘So, you want me to get you the number of that ironmongery, or...?’  ‘OH FOR...’ he snatches his arm away and storms out of the room, with Steve and Nat losing it all over again. 

___________________________________________________________

Ah this was so fun!!!!!!!! I hope you guys liked it <3 

MASTERLIST HERE

ASK BOX OPEN FOR FIC REQUESTS. Find GUIDELINES HERE.

[xiyao-feels]

new tu and xiyao fan from earlier. i searched ao3 as per your suggestion and there's only 500 or so fics for them. :( however, i do have a legit question - what are the differences between mdzs and tu (i've never read the latter). and if you want expand on nieyao (or xiyao) please feel free! i love reading meta! one of the few reasons i miss old school fandom spaces lol. thank you!! :D

Hmmm, I see about eight hundred if I limit to English? But I take your point! But that was just as a way to start; once you do find an author you like, you can look at their bookmarks, for example. (Also I'm not sure if you're familiar with the AO3, but if not, sorting by kudos when doing a general search is a way to get stuff that at least lots of people thought was good. I'm not saying it's perfect, but when you're starting in a fandom it can be better than the default by-date-updated.)

Also I'll take the opportunity to plug my absolute favourite xiyao author, roquen. I didn't mention them last time because they haven't I believe written a post-canon fixit, and you should know that they're mostly sticking to MDZS instead of CQL canon, although with some sprinkling of CQL elements and characterization. Some particular favourites of mine include their AtLA AU and their Sunshot/on the run fics (both series with a couple of short fics), their what you might call a mid-temple hopeful fix-it (divergence where LWJ strikes to kill and LXC takes the blow), the baby LXC fic ("Lan Xichen reverts to being a fifteen-year-old junior, and immediately gets an epic crush on Lianfang-zun"; disclaimer that I was fairly involved with the creation of this one but it's GREAT) and, of course, above all, their gigantic canon fix-it verse, it's worth it every time. It's SO GOOD and the characterization is fantastic and the prose is excellent and UGH. It's so good!!!!! Disclaimer that the second fic in the series, which is the main work, is still WIP, but roquen updates regularly and there are only a couple of chapters left; if you're still wary of WIPs, I'd at least recommend the first fic, which stands alone and is brilliant in its own right.

As to the differences between MDZS and CQL…ho boy. There are quite a few, both major and minor, and I'm by no means familar with all of them—especially the ones that don't involve 3zun, lol. I tried to google around but unfortunately the ones I found tended to be either short or, if more in-depth, contain inaccuracies about JGY/LXC—I think people tend to be more interested in the Wangxian, and then this stuff goes by the wayside. The wiki can be a good source for differences for specific incidents, and although I think it's not always accurate it /does/ usually cite chapter or episode, which can be pretty helpful. 

This, by hualiann, looks like a good overview, though I'd add that JYL, WQ and WN didn't study at Cloud Recesses in the novel and that more generally MDZS has a lot of actual undead.

In general my advice is to take things people say about the novel with a large grain of salt, myself included. And about CQL, too! I have no idea if this is you but when I joined the fandom, if people asserted stuff about CQL I tended to just kind of take it as fact—oh, I thought, I must have misremembered! My memory is pretty terrible, and honestly there was absolutely stuff I did misremember. But also sometimes other people misremember, or fanon gets taken as canon, and then there's stuff like—I mean, I'm certainly not going to blame people for not realizing that "JGY conspired with XY at the Unclean Realm" is a lot more uncertain than you might guess at first, especially if they're more Wangxian focused which most people in the fandom are, but I'm still not going to present it as straight-up fact. (veliseraptor has a recent post examining this here which I would very much recommend).

Honestly I think I'd recommend reading the MDZS NMJ Empathy flashback—chapters 48, 49, and the beginning of 50. That gets you a lot of the JGY, LXC and NMJ backstory, and then you can compare for yourself! I'm also going to recommend Mercy's thread, here, listing common fanons about MDZS (I will add to the list, since it's a bugbear of mine, the idea that LXC recognized NMJ's fierce corpse by his abs).

Okay with all that out of the way, and in no particular order, Sun's extremely idiosyncratic and particularly- aka mostly JGY-focused differences list:

-In MDZS, LXC doesn't become Sect Leader until the burning of Cloud Recesses by the Wen, when his father is injured and then succumbs to his wounds. In CQL, he's Sect Leader from the beginning of the show, his father having apparently died not too long before the show started.

-In MDZS, MY wasn't working for the Nie at all before the beginning of Sunshot; he joined the Nie forces just after Sunshot began. NMJ didn't instantly promote him to be his deputy when he's telling at the Nie men for bad-mouthing him; it takes a few more encounters and/or battles with the Wen (after which MY clears the battlefield and helps the commoners).

-In MDZS, xiyao's first meeting happens when LXC is on the run with the Lan books after the burning of Cloud Recesses. We don't see it happen on the page, and we don't know any details of that time beyond, like, MY helped LXC.

-NMJ willingly sends MY away from the Nie, with a letter of recommendation for JGS, after, uh, an extended overhearing of a conversation between MY and LXC wherein MY's desire to be recognized by his father and gain a proper place in the Jin, the opportunity offered for that by JGS recruiting talent at Langya, and the possible difficulty of obtaining permission from NMJ are all established. 

-NMJ sees MY stabbing a /Jin/ captain, at Langya, after he goes looking for MY. Rather than taking a blow for NMJ, MY stabs himself, faking suicide, then immobilizes NMJ (who's trying to save his life) and flees. This is because NMJ wants MY to go turn himself in for killing the captain; MY thinks they'll kill him, while NMJ says that if the captain has actually been mistreating MY as MY said, MY won't be killed. Personally I think that all the evidence suggests that MY is right, and NMJ is blind to the effects of his position to the extent it's a not insignificant moral failure.

-Okay, so, you know how in CQL MY stabs WRH while he's distracted with WWX, outside on the steps with the Sunshot alliance right outside? In /MDZS/, they're in the Sun Palace, WWX isn't anywhere near the place, he does it to save NMJ's life, and then he starts lugging NMJ's unconscious body out of the palace. And then NMJ comes to consciousness amd demands his sabre and tries to kill him. He likely only survives because of NMJ's wounds, and if LXC hadn't shown up (responding to a message MY sent for aid for NMJ) NMJ might easily have killed him. If you want a more in-depth analysis, I take a close look here in my response to someone's, er, imaginative interpretation of NMJ and JGY's relationship in MDZS.

-In CQL, NMJ's qi deviation happens at the stairs incident. In MDZS, it happens later, when he overhears JGY being upset to LXC about how NMJ treated him at the stairs, and, overcome with rage that JGY would dare (arguably in combination with being polite and pleasant to NMJ's face, although the last time he was confrontational to NMJ's face NMJ kicked him down the stairs and tried to kill him so), he kicks open the door and tries to kill him. He also kills several people as he's qi deviating (seeing them as JGY—while in CQL he also sees several JGYs they seem to be just illusions), and injures NHS.

-In MDZS, NMJ sets fire to all of NHS' nice things. I don't think we're told either way in CQL, although it's worth noting that in MDZS this happens after the stairs (and before JGY starts playing for him again). (I think they do something in FJ?? But I don't take FJ as canon for CQL; see confusion-and-more's post here).

-In CQL, JGY suggests to NMJ that he's always played the corrupted Clarity for him (though granted this is in Empathy, so it's hard to say for sure if this is what he actually said, but in any case it's the only version we're given). In MDZS, it's strongly indicated that JGY only started playing Turmoil for NMJ /after/ the stairs—there's a variety of evidence, but I think the most objective is that WWX, who in MDZS Empathy can literally feel NMJ's anger, actually observes it working beforehand:

Since [JGY started playing for NMJ], Jin GuangYao would travel from Lanling to Qinghe every few days, playing Sound of Lucidity to help quell Nie MingJue rage. He tried his hardest, without speaking even a single word of complaint. Sound of Lucidity was indeed effective. Wei WuXian could clearly feel that the hostile energy within Nie MingJue was being suppressed.

(Exiled Rebels translation, ch. 49)

And then the next scene is the stairs incident, so.

-In general, the degree to which JGY's position is completely awful is played down in CQL. confusion-and-more talks about it a bit here; I'd also note that some of JGY's dialogue defending himself is removed ( “Some trivial achievements?” He spoke in a shaking voice, “…What do you mean, some trivial achievements? ChiFeng-Zun, do you know how much work I put into such trivial achievements? How much I suffered? Glory? Without the handful of glory I have nothing!”, for example), we don't hear about his mother at the guqin scene, the temple flashback where his mother is dragged naked outside by a client and he's kicked down the brothel stairs is eliminated, etc etc.

-There is absolutely no second flutist in MDZS; also JGY tells us in the temple that QS was already pregnant before he found out about the incest. I think even in CQL it's questionable whether he actually intended to kill Zixuan (see this whole conversation), and significant unveiling or no CQL never actually says QS wasn't pregnant before their marriage so I tend to go with that too, but certainly it's easy to walk away with the impression that he definitely did both deliberately, especially if you aren't familiar with the novel.

-(In general, I think CQL JGY is a lot more sympathetic than most people think once you look closely, but he's also very much set up to look upon a more casual watching as Villain, so.)

-In CQL it's All A-Yao All The Time but in MDZS we see LXC calling him san-di after the sworn brotherhood, and then it's back to A-Yao in the present day (see my last addition on this chain here).

-In MDZS, JGY doesn't shove JL out of the way of the incoming attack.

-The LXC lifting JGY out of his bow thing is from CQL

-The watchtowers! Oh /man/ the watchtowers. God the watchtowers are so much. Uh, confusion-and-more has a post about how much they're mentioned in MDZS vs CQL here, and see my last addition to this thread for an argument that the watchtowers were indeed a force for good. God. Twelve hundred watchtowers. He must have saved so many lives...

-confusion-and-more's watchtower post also reminds me that CQL has the Guanyin temple giving out medicine, while MDZS does not

-The episode 23 scene where Sect Leaders Jin, Nie, and Lan agree to spare some of the Wen doesn't exist in MDZS (though I'll take the opportunity to observe that I disagree with popular interpretations of that scene, see point three here).

-In MDZS NMJ's fierce corpse is literally trying to kill JGY, there's no saber spirit. And like, it's been trying to kill JGY for a long damn time, that's why JGY dismembered him.

-The XY plotline—in MDZS, JGY recommends a young XY (who at thay point has a reputation but is not known to have committed any massacres) as a Jin cultivator, as part of an effort by JGS to recreate the Yin Tiger Seal. JGS has multiple people trying, but most of them aren't getting anywhere and XY is getting furthest. It's during this time that XY kills the Chang clan, and is discovered as guilty by XXC, who brings up the evidence at a conference happening in Lanling; the Jin are stalling, MMJ gets angry and shows up, he almost kills XY on the spot and gives JGS a lecture such that he's forced to relent and sentence XY to death (and incidentally scares JGY, imho quite seriously, while he's at it). Then JGS turns it into life imprisonment once NMJ has left, and then NMJ is extremely angry and attacks JGY at the stairs. (Ch. 30 and 118)

-I mentioned before but I'll add it here too: in CQL JGY asks LXC to stay and die with him, and LXC agrees.

-The CQL ending in general is...hmmm. Despite having most of the elements which complicate MDZS' ending (JL is in a terrible position!), it kind of presents as...happy ending all is fixed now? In MDZS I think it's presented as—more complicated, even though Wangxian do very much get their happy ending.

-Also LWJ is a lot less. uh. Okay, so in CQL he's more Mr Morality, and in MDZS it's much more Wei Ying Right Or Wrong. Also, he doesn't become Chief Cultivator in MDZS! I think that's my least favourite change, because it's like...LWJ hates politics, hates compromise, and never attends the cultivation conferences. At least one of 'this is going to be a major diisaster' and 'LWJ is going to have to go through some significant shifts in his worldview and approach' are going to have to happen, but that's not the vibe CQL gives off at all, and I think it really works against some of the major themes of the text :/

-OH RIGHT I knew I was forgetting something—in MDZS MXY's revenge is focused solely on the Mo; JGY is not part of the curse.

Okay I don't want to go too much on about xiyao or nieyao, because this is already quite long and I don't want you to be waiting forever, but broadly although I certainly think NMJ cares about JGY a great deal it seems to be about his competence and potential; he doesn't really seem to, like, actually like who he is as a person. JGY, meanwhile, is at first very grateful to and then increasingly exasperated by and very much fucking terrified of NMJ, but...well, he doesn't seem to be into him or interested in spending time with him for the sake of it or etc etc.

On the other hand—xiyao. Man, xiyao!!!! They just—they get each other so fast, they're /partners/, they work together so well, they like and they respect each other, they're both like—LXC and MS are on their own tier for JGY, LWJ and JGY are on their own tier for LXC, they're for each other in a way neither is for anyone else, they care a lot about the same things—it's not perfect overlap, obviously, but it's more overlap I think than either has with anyone else, they—invest, they're builders, JGY was planning the watchtowers project from way back and although I have no doubt he was driving it LXC was with him and!!!! ugh!!!!! xiyao are REALLY GREAT, okay.

[ablizmal]

hello!! this is my selfship introductory post!!!

(i’m posting two versions of this post— one with all these lovely little gifs, and one without, as i know some people can be sensitive to them <33)

my dearly beloved selfship is lawliz 🥰 (or lawlizzie if i want it to sound even cuter lol).

it’s of. uhhhhhh. me and the sweets loving detective from death note/// 👉👈

(no this isn’t suggestive, it’s just y2k in-universe and i LOVE y2k clothing lol)

some basics on the selfship!!!

we appear to be solar opposites in a bunch of different ways!

he’s calm and collected, always keeping things to himself unless he wants to ruin someone’s entire life and be painfully blunt about something HAKDJAHDSJS. whereas i seemingly am open, emotional, and spirited!!

my alias is “juliette rae ambers” (YES i created a full ass pseudo name dhsjdkajdjajajs). but to distinguish me irl and in-selfship-universe me, i’ll refer to my self insert as “juliette” whenever i talk about them.

L first met juliette through a past case, as they did some SHADY looking shit lmao. she’s just that eccentric and erratic <333

SO after spending some time with her, he eventually realizes they’re not apart of the case. like at ALL. but L basically goes “okay. wait, what the fuck’s wrong with her actually?” and continues to spend time with them because of that HAHAJDJSJSKSJS (again— juliette is eccentric and unpredictable.)

watari brings up how excited and affectionate juliette gets whenever he catches a glimpse of them together. L doesn’t get why watari is bringing this up. watari suggests that perhaps, juliette has a crush on L.

yeah, so L’s brain crashes DHSKDJSKDJAJHSAKS

he didn’t even think of that as a POSSIBILITY because he views himself as undesirable, ugly, creepy, etc (🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

so L brings this up with juliette. she denies it terribly (because they’re such a mess when they’re flustered), but after relenting, L reveals that he brought it up because he’s interesting in learning more about it. he has trouble identifying his own emotions and hasn’t been in love before, so he asks me to be apart of a study. it’s just information, essentially, letters detailing specific sensations and lovey dovey thoughts i get of him.

i agree to it because i LOVE psychology and have always wanted to be apart of a psychological study!

but at this point, L isn’t in love with me. he slowly falls over time, much to his mental debates on if it’s “ethical” or not. (he’s overthinking it!!! ALSO, WOW, L thinking about morals when it comes to someone?? they must be a ~special someone~ to him 🤭)

the stoic character who keeps to himself is (mutually) in love with the visually expressive, musically inclined jester!!! (does this make sense 😭)

juliette is with L throughout the entire kira case. the first time the taskforce meets L, she’s just standing to his right side (it’s a whole thing) in a lolita getup, so they assume, like watari, that juliette is a maid to L of sorts. but NO, juliette just fucking LOVES fashion lmaooooooo

ANYWAYS, what i’m trying to get to is that juliette loves music. it connects to them on such a deep level, and they love to sing and entertain. so sometimes, as a break/interlude in the kira case, she sings and plays songs. (they’re oddly captivating… just like a performer at an event.)

L can’t have the taskforce knowing him and juliette’s interpersonal relationship, so he and juliette have silently agreed to refer to each other as “associates” whenever the question comes up.

juliette talks out loud a lot as a habit. but, again, she likes to be entertaining first and foremost, so she only says things she thinks will be the most intriguing. she can keep to herself just fine. but L knows. he knows how intentional everything they do is. he can relate, and is intrigued about this part of them. and without fail, he listens, catalogues, and responds to everything she says U///U because he caaaaares 🥹🥹🥹 (much to light’s annoyance during the case lol)

once misa starts to reside in the taskforce headquarters, you fucking KNOW she and juliette would become ✨fashion besties✨ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

juliette is very silly, laidback, loose, witty, thoughtful, and compassionate. will and has been promptly serious when the time calls for it.

juliette has forced L to watch rocky horror with them so. many. times. it’s now their couple movie of sorts aha <3

juliette cannot STAND light. he’s such an arrogant bitch baby, so she insults and burns him constantly (which L… enjoys 👀 JFKSJFKSJDKSJS, HE LOVES THE FACT THAT I CAN DEFEND MYSELF AND THAT I’M NOT A DOORMAT)

it’s so interesting to listen to these two talk. cause like, L is formal, a bit oddly polite in his wording, and naturally uses long words here and there. juliette, on the other hand, is very casual in speech. she casually swears, she refers to others with “dude,” “bro,” and “man,” and uses some slang words here and there. the taskforce members gawk at the sheer contrast sometimes.

so juliette’s mainly goth, right?? misa introduces her to the fashion, and she fucking loves it. her usual goth color combo is hot pink and black!!

…buuuuuut, juliette likes fashion in general, so sometimes she wear “pretty in pink” ass y2k outfits, then at other times glam rock-y, then gritty type of clothing, then elegant, they girly, then—

L loves to see whatever outfit they come up with (he for sure spoils the FUCK out of her hahajdjsjsja awwwwwwwww 😊 <333)

THEY’RE LITERALLY THE “plain boyfriend + alt girlfriend” COUPLE DHSKDHKADJKASJKASJAJA

i could go on and on, but this is an INTRODUCTORY post, soo……….. these are the basics of their dynamic!! i will post art, fics, and just ramble posts in general talking about it!!! :]

you can find more content in my “accidental emo boy meets intentional goth girl(gender neutral)” tag on here, OR on my new, selfship only account @lawliz-indulgence !

i love this little selfshipping community, xxx (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

[stressy-enby]

Love, at Last TodoDeku One-Shot

FINALLY I FINISHEDDDDDDDD. Ignore that I spent a week working on this when I could’ve been finishing “No One’s Chasing You” lol. It’s still on going!! If I get off my ass I’ll have it out sometime next week. In the meantime, enjoy some cute blushy oblivious boys.

This was based off of a headcanon I came up with for Todoroki: he loves reading romance novels, but he never quite grasps the idea of a relationship

Warnings: none ;)

Masterlist

Link to Ao3 version

Shoto Todoroki never knew what love was.

He could only vaguely remember his mother’s tender touch. He knew that he had once been loved, and perhaps he had even loved in return, but those feelings had long since been diminished in the sands of time.

Shoto had read about love. He could never understand romance, or the concept of giving all you had to someone, but there was something so innocent, so pure about a love story. The tales were so addicting, Shoto read every romance novel he could get his hands on.

The one thing these sweet stories could never capture quite right, though, was the feeling of falling in love. Shoto understood the theory of romantic relationships well enough, but he still couldn’t imagine what being in love actually felt like.

That is, until he met Izuku Midoriya.

Midoriya was kind to him. He regarded Shoto with a level of respect, reverence even, that he was unused to. Shoto couldn’t recall for the life of him the last time someone had honestly told him that they were impressed by him. No one else had seen his quirk as anytime by a product of his father. No one had seen him as anything else but Endeavor’s son.

“It’s yours! Your quirk, not his!”

Midoriya’s desperate words still haunted Shoto. The very night after their fight, he laid in bed, wide awake, Izuku Midoriya’s face branded into his mind. When sleep finally did take him, there Midoriya was again.

In his dreams, the freckled boy had become Shoto’s greatest source of comfort. In some dreams, Midoriya would be holding a sobbing Shoto in his arms. Sometimes, it was vice versa. Sometimes, they’d simply sit and talk. One night, they even kissed. Shoto had woken up at four in the morning, unable to fall back asleep after that particular dream. He had also found it quite difficult to look the curly-haired boy in the eye the next day, much to said boy’s confusion.

All at once, all of Shoto’s books made sense. Descriptions of fluttering hearts, longing glances, and blissful moments that had once confused his suddenly seemed so perfectly right to the heterochromic boy.

Suddenly, Shoto Todoroki was in love.

He quickly realized why the feelings described in his books never made sense to him. There was no way to make them make sense. There was no way for Shoto to concretely put what he was feeling into words. One moment he felt like flying, the very next moment though, he wanted to stay exactly where he was and never leave again.

Shoto had told Fuyumi about Midoriya. She encouraged him to “make a move”, much to his embarrassment.

“What good are all those love stories if you don’t know how to flirt?” She had exclaimed, incredulously.

“It’s one thing to read about it,” Shoto had muttered, face reddening. “putting it into practice is different.”

He rationalized that if he was going to “make a move”, it would be a natural thing. Shoto wouldn’t be able to consciously flirt even if he tried. The day finally came on a cold December night, when a move was at last made.

Midoriya had come over to Shoto’s dorm room to study for a hero law test Mr. Aizawa had been warning the class about. The cold from outside had seeped into Shoto’s room and Midoriya could feel it.

“Todoroki, is your AC off?” The green-eyed boy asked, wrapping his arms around himself.

“No, I think it’s broken,” Shoto examined his thermostat. “It hasn’t been bothering me, though. Are you cold?”

“A l-little,” Midoriya admitted, both eyebrows raising. “Does your quirk regulate your body temperature? The hot and cold could heat or cool your body depending on the environment!”

“Yeah,” Shoto cracked a minuscule smile.

“Doesn’t really help me, though.” Midoriya laughed apologetically, sitting down on the floor, pulling his legs up to his chest.

Shoto was quiet for a moment, before taking a seat net to him. “It can.”

“W-What do you-” Midoriya flinched in surprise as Shoto snaked an arm around him, pulling him into his warm body.

Midoriya wasn’t wrong; he was cold. Shoto felt goosebumps prick up on his arms before his natural body heat washed them away. He felt Midoriya stiffen. “Is this okay? Are you still cold?”

“N-No, actually-uh, th-this is nice.” Midoriya relaxed into Shoto’s gentle grip. “Really nice.”

“Mmm.” He was right. It was nice. Cradling Izuku Midoriya in his arms was literally one of his dreams come true. He was so small and so soft, but he was all so much more. Shoto had seen his grit, his determination, his selflessness. Izuku Midoriya would sacrifice the world to save a friend, and Shoto loved him for it.

“Weren’t we supposed to be studying?” Midoriya asked suddenly, still not moving.

“Oh, yeah.”

“…We’re still not getting up.”

“Looks like it.”

Midoriya laughed breathily, leaning over to grab his notes. Shoto impulsively wrapped his other arm around him, pulling the red faced boy into his chest.

“T-T-Todoroki! W-What-?” Midoriya yelped.

“You’ll get cold again.” Shoto rationalized “And… you feel too good to let go.”

“O-Oh. Okay then.” Midoriya slowly melted back into the taller boy, this time winding his own arms around his torso. “You feel really good, too.”

Shoto was sure his brain had been fried. All thoughts of studying banished from his mind, he ran his fingers through Midoriya’s soft curls, memorizing every contented sigh and shudder that left the boy.

He wasn’t sure which of them had fallen asleep first. The next thing he knew, he was being jolted awake as a flustered Midoriya rambled on in embarrassment and scooted away from the heterochromic boy as a confused Iida looked on.

Shoto’s arms felt empty without him. His perfectly heat balanced body went cold as Midoriya put distance between them. He wondered if he’d be a horrible friend if he kicked Iida out.

He had to tell Midoriya how he felt before he spontaneously combusted.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Shoto began going back through his old romance novels and taking notes. He skimmed the familiar, well worn pages, thoroughly inspecting each line of typed cliche text. He went through, underlining passages, jotting things in the margins, and copying dialogue into the back of a notebook. He had pages upon pages of confession examples and date ideas. The idea didn’t even strike him as being silly; it was the best way he could think of to plan.

Midoriya wasn’t a terribly private person, but he still got flustered very easily. A big public event wouldn’t do either of them any good. Midoriya could also be a bit dense at times. Innuendos tended to go right over his head. Whatever Shoto did, it had to be direct, but private. He figured a date would be the best route to go, that way they could test the waters.

He steeled his nerves during lunch the following day. Midoriya was deep in conversation with Iida about a new hero documentary. Shoto abstained from the chatter, opting to take in Midoriya’s bright smile as if it were a drug he’s spent far too long being withdrawn from. He noticed the way his eyes lit up, and Shoto decided in that moment that Izuku Midoriya’s beautiful eyes and charming smile were more than enough to light up the whole world.

“Midoriya,” Shoto hung back as Iida and Uraraka turned to head back to class. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Oh, sure!” Midoriya chipped, waving their friends off. “What’s up?”

Shoto swallowed thickly. Bright green eyes pierced his own. “Would you like to go get dinner some time? Just us?”

“J-Just the t-two of us?” The freckled boy’s face started to go pink. “Y-Yeah! That sounds cool!”

“It would be a date.” Shoto clarified bluntly. “Is that ok?”

“Y-Yes!” The green-haired boy exclaimed, a little too loud. “I’d love to go on a date with you!”

Shoto deflated, visibly relieved. “Good, we can work out the details later. We should go before we’re late to class.”

Later, after school, Midoriya pulled Shoto aside to plan their date. He said he had a place in mind he wanted to take Shoto, but only if it was okay that he took the lead. Shoto was more then happy to let him plan the date. He was just happy he still wanted to go. The boys agreed to go to a ramen and bao place near Midoriya’s middle school. Shoto left that conversation with a content smile on his lips, only for it to fall when he realized he didn’t have a clue what to wear. Fuyumi was FaceTimed the following night.

Friday night finally came, and Shoto found himself the victim of a brutal interrogation.

“You’re all dressed up on a Friday night?” Sero tugged at Shoto’s gray blazer. “What are you up to, man?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s going on a date!” Ashido squealed. “He’s clearly waiting on someone, right, Todoroki?”

“Yeah,” Shoto saw no reason to lie. He wasn’t embarrassed, just wishing his classmates were less nosey.

“Wha- seriously? Who?” Kaminari demanded, shaking the heterochromic boy violently.

“Please stop that.” Shoto warily removed the blond’s hands from his shoulders, head spinning.

“Ugh, of course the pretty boy is the first to get a girlfriend.” Mineta complained.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” Shoto denied.

“You’ve still got a date, though!” Mineta pointed an accusatory finger at the confused teenager.

“Yes, but not with a-”

“Hey! Sorry if I kept you waiting!” Midoriya stumbled out of the elevator, hurriedly smoothing down his pale blue button down.

“I haven’t been here long,” Shoto assured him, breaking out of the small crowd of their friends surrounding him. He noticed Midoriya’s usually unruly curls had been patted down with water. It hardly made a dent, but the attempt was cute. “You look nice.”

“Thank you! This shirt’s kinda old, I was surprised it still fit.” Midoriya hooked a finger around the collar of said shirt. “You look r-really good too!”

“Thanks, my sister helped me. Ready to go?”

“I’ve gotta grab my coat from the hall closet, then I’m ready!”

“Let’s go then.” Shoto, eager to get away from his gaping and giggling peers, followed Midoriya to the coat closet, watching his strong, scarred hands slip his coat on. “I’m hungry.”

“Let’s go get some dinner, then!” His date grinned, his smile so sweet Shoto felt his knees goin weak.

He was hyper aware of Midoriya’s hand brushing against his own. What would it feel like? People held hands on dates. Should he ask? Should he just grab it? Shoto’s internal debate was distracting enough he didn’t realize how much Midoriya was blushing and staring at their swinging hands himself.

“Hey, uh, would you feel comfortable holding hands?” The freckled boy asked, blush deepening.

Shoto stopped short, terrified that Midoriya could read this thoughts. “Yeah. Do you want to?”

The boy nodded mutely, shakily tapping the back of Shoto’s hand nervously.

He felt the heat creeping up his neck as he hesitantly took Midoriya’s hand. It was warm and soft, and his grip as protective yet gentle. He felt safe.

Midoriya readjusted their grip, squeezing Shoto’s hand and smiling bashfully up at him. “Come on, Todoroki! Let’s go!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Days later, when Shoto was re-reading an old book, he paused for a long time at a point that usually didn’t faze him at all. The first kiss.

It was always described as a magical, perfect moment. Characters would touch lips as though it was as natural as breathing. Was it really that easy? How did kissing even work? You pressed your lips together…. And then what? Were you supposed to do something else?

Completely and utterly confused, Shoto turned to YouTube. Without an ounce of shame, he searched movie kiss scenes, wherein he found the “Top 10 Most Romantic Kisses in Movies!”

Ah, so that’s how that works. He mused.

Confident that he knew the theory well enough, he texted Midoriya, asking if they could hang out. The response came almost immediately.

Absolutely!! You wanna watched that anime I was telling you about? I’ve got it saved on my computer.

Decided that watching a show would be a good guise as any to wanting to kiss, Shoto agreed, and headed down to Midoriya’s All Might-plastered room.

“Hey!” The boy grinned brightly as he let the heterochromic boy in.

“Hi,” Shoto took a seat on the bed, next to an open laptop.

“Okay, I’ve almost got it up,” Midoriya settled next to him, tapping the keyboard. “It has to load-“

“Midoriya. I wanted to ask you something.” Shoto interrupted.

“Oh? What is it?” Midoriya cast him a curious look.

“May I kiss you?”

If being asked out hadn’t broken the poor boy, this defiantly did. His face exploded with color, and his arms flailed in shock.

“K-K-Kiss?! Y-You wanna k-kiss me?”

“Yes.” Shoto quietly confirmed, a bit put off by the sudden panic. “If you don’t want to-”

“No! No, no, no, I’d r-really like to kiss you. I’ve just n-never done that before.” Midoriya palmed the back of his neck.

“I haven’t either. I think I know how it’s supposed to work, though. We can figure it out as we go, though.”

“Y-Yeah,”

The two were silent for a minute. Finally, Midoriya took Shoto's hand shakily. “I want to kiss you.” He whispered.

Shoto gently cupped his cheek, scooting closer. “Okay,” he murmured, carefully touching his lips to Midoriya’s.

It wasn’t nearly as magical or perfect as his books had led him to believe. The kiss you shy and awkward, and neither boy really knew what he was doing. But it was still sweet. It may not have been a perfect kiss, but it was theirs.

Midoriya pulled away first, but didn’t back off. “Can we do that again?” He asked quietly after a second.

And so they did. It was still a little clumsy, but to Shoto and Izuku, that was perfectly fine. To them, everything was right with the world.

At last, Shoto Todoroki had found love.

He had found Izuku Midoriya.

[makeste]

“I came here to find what it is that I lack.”

hey everyone, so can we talk about this?

this is the first time that Katsuki has talked about his own personal shortcomings to such an extent. he’s flirted with acknowledging them out loud before, at the provisional course, and we know he’s been working on improving himself, because we saw the change during the joint training arc. but this is the first time he has actually come right out and admitted that there is something he knows he’s missing, and that his goal now is to find it.

so there are two parts of this that I want to break down and discuss. let’s start with this:

“I’ve learned that just because I’m strong in a fight, that doesn’t mean I’m strong as a person.”

JBox translated this as “I’ve learned that pure strength isn’t enough to become strong.” I’m curious as to how Viz will word it. but it’s Mangastream’s translation that really piqued my interest. “that doesn’t mean I’m strong as a person.” correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this is the first time Katsuki has ever talked about himself as a person at all. up to this point he’s seemed to have zero interest in any kind of self-reflection. and even now, he’s still bringing it up in a context of strength. he needs to be “strong” as a person because that will help him become stronger as a hero. but regardless of how he frames it, or whether or not he’s only seeking it because it pertains to his goal of surpassing the number one, this is still huge IMO for him to bring up strength of character and acknowledge that it’s still something that’s eluding him.

and it’s not like this hasn’t been brought to his attention before. for all of his strengths, his personality is the one thing that’s been consistently singled out by virtually everyone he’s ever met as a glaring fault. and yet he doesn’t seem to have ever given this real thought until recently. possibly because he didn’t think it actually mattered in the big picture. or maybe it’s because until recently, he was able to shrug off those accusations because he knew that deep down he was good where it really counted. like, yeah, he might swear a lot and he might not get along with people and maybe his temper gets the better of him at times. but he was able to brush that off because he knows deep down that he’s a hero. and not just any hero, but the person who’s going to become the best hero. and so he had faith in his own integrity, and didn’t let other people’s perceptions bother him, because who the hell cares what anyone else thinks.

but note that I did say “until recently.” because in the last six months or so story-wise, a lot has changed. things which have sent little parachutes of self-doubt sailing over Katsuki’s formerly impenetrable walls of indifference. he was singled out as a target by villains. yeah, they were wrong about him, but it still says something that they thought he was a good prospect. and not just them, but everyone. the press gathered together less than 48 hours after a child was kidnapped, and felt comfortable speculating about whether or not said child was unhinged and destined to follow the villain path. yeah, Aizawa shot them down, but Katsuki still got a behind-the-scenes documentary feature look at how some of the actions he’d never before given a second thought to were actually affecting the world’s judgment of his moral character.

and then All Might lost his power at Kamino. something which Katsuki felt was his fault. and then, directly on the heels of that, there was the shock of realizing that the childhood friend he’d maligned and tormented for years had ended up being All Might’s chosen successor. and there are so many ways that Katsuki could have responded to that realization. being jealous of Deku. being derisive of All Might’s choice. but instead, his reaction to learning Deku had it right was to immediately follow it up with: so I’m wrong. and just, wow, though. and then, of course, this was all compounded even more when he failed the provisional license exam. so now we have the villains, the general public, and the heroes -- or at least, the people in charge of deciding who gets to be a hero -- all hitting him up with various different versions of you are flawed, you are deficient.

anyway, thankfully at this point he did something he’s never done before and actually reached out to someone, even if it was in the most shounen way ever (“should I just talk to my rival like a normal person? nah I’ll challenge him to a fight”). and he and Deku had a heart to heart via their fists, and then All Might gave him a hug and some good mentor advice. so the worst of that line of thinking was curbed before it could become more damaging. and he seems to have rebounded since and is back to his old confident ways.

buuuuuut. we have seen him paying more attention to other people’s remarks than he seemed to before. maybe this was something he always did, but just pretended like he didn’t. hard to say. but there’s no denying the way that Horikoshi made it a Thing during the Band AU arc, when we saw those upperclassman grousing about how “class 1-A is the one causing all the trouble” and then Katsuki listening in, stony-faced. and then he got really pissed off and ranted about it afterward.

so yeah. and then more recently, during the joint training arc, we also had that incident where Monoma -- on camera, with Katsuki watching, and we know for a fact there was sound because U.A. based their teaching model on The Hunger Games, and also the kids were able to hear Shinsou’s voice-changing shenanigans earlier -- was all “SO HOW ABOUT THAT TIME THAT BAKUGOU CAUSED THE DOWNFALL OF THE SYMBOL OF PEACE, EH.” which marked the first time we confirmed that Katsuki isn’t the only one who’s made that connection. mind you, I don’t think Monoma actually meant it; he was just trying to rile Deku up into talking so he could pull the ol’ Jedi mind trick. but still, the fact that he had that remark ready to go means that it must have crossed his mind before. and at this point I think it’s pretty safe to say he’s not the only one. it’s an obvious enough conclusion to draw, and society was a hot mess for a while following Kamino, and it was the kind of thing where I’m sure that a lot of people, shaken up in the aftermath of this disaster and struggling to process it, would be looking to assign blame.

so now Katsuki, who formerly did not give a shit and was very proud and upfront about his lack of shit-giving, has been more or less forced to confront the fact that like it or not, his behavior -- and other people’s perceptions of it -- maybe matters a little more than he thought. and it seems like maybe he’s become a bit more sensitive to that lately. a little more aware.

I think it must be frustrating for him in some ways, because he knows that he’s good and that his intentions are good, but he has difficulty conveying that. and the other thing is that he’s not the type of boy to ever have people actually say to him, “hey, you’re a nice guy.” (Kirishima, I think, is the only one that might have actually said that sentence to him -- I feel like he has? -- and honestly there’s a reason why Katsuki trusts him so much, and things like this are no small part of it.) “amazing”, sure. he gets that all the time. and “strong”, which is the adjective he himself uses the most when talking about things he admires. but never good. and he might not ever show any signs of needing that type of reinforcement, but (a) sometimes we don’t know that we need something, especially if it’s something we’ve never had before, and (b) even if Katsuki was in any way adept at identifying his emotional needs (he’s not), the odds of him ever mustering up the will to actually ask are slim to say the least.

but no child wants to be bad. Katsuki’s one and only desire since he was very little has been to become a great hero. and heroes are inherently good. this boy, for all his surliness and stubbornness and toeing-the-line, works hard. he listens to his teachers. he studies. he fights fairly, and shows honor in other ways (like fessing up immediately to being the first one to throw a punch). he shows kindness and gratitude and concern in his own prickly ways as well. his goodness isn’t the kind that comes up to you and slaps you in the face, but it still manages to shine through like sunlight through a cloudy filter. he is a good person. and I think that sometimes, during his more intense moments of self-doubt, he may have wondered if maybe he’s not. but he is.

and having said all of that, one of the things I would like to see at some point in the future is for someone to actually tell him that. for him to get that validation. because I think that’s something he’s seeking, even if he’s not aware of it. even now he still has the media censoring his interviews, as if they’re worried he’ll somehow corrupt the viewers with his attitude. even though the whole reason he’s being interviewed is because he proved himself through his actions. somehow it’s still not enough. so I just think it’s something that would mean a lot to him to hear. “you are strong, but also you’re a good person.” so yeah. All Might, maybe -- get on that.

moving on now to the second part of this essay!

“I came here to find what it is that I lack.”

you know what I find interesting about this? at first glance, one might assume that he’d already solved this mystery. doy, the kid that only ever thought about winning and victory has to learn how to help others. we got that already; All Might broke it down for us nice and clear back in chapter 120. we’re good.

and the thing is, it really seems like we are good, doesn’t it? Katsuki passed his remedial exam with flying colors. he and Todo saved a bunch of would be purse-snatching victims, and he even saved their wallets (that makes it sound like he got them to save 15% or more by switching to Geico lol but NO, IN THIS CASE IT WAS LITERAL). and let’s not forget that dominant performance during the joint training arc, in which he both allowed himself to be rescued, and breezily rescued others with no qualm. by all measures, it would appear that he has embraced this new way of heroing, and seems to be taking to it as naturally as he takes to everything else.

so then the question arises: if he already figured out that IT’S THE RESCUING, STUPID, then why is he still talking about “what he lacks” as though there is still something he’s missing? and not just missing, but as-yet-unidentified to boot. he doesn’t actually know what it is. he’s trying to figure it out.

so I have a few guesses, but since this essay is already running long, I’m just going to jump right to my main one: what he’s talking about is the difference between this:

and this

in a very similar way to how Katsuki himself proved there was such a big difference between this

and this

“the difference between those who are aiming for the top, and everyone else.” so yeah. and if this applies to the “winning” part of the hero equation, then it also stands to reason it should apply to the “rescue” part as well, right?

so what would that mean? basically, as far as I can tell, it’s the difference between your everyday rescuing, and between Deku’s style of rescuing. no, I’m not talking about the bone-breaking. I’m talking about, “my legs just started moving. why? I dunno!” or, as All Might puts it, “their bodies simply moved before they could think.”

what Deku has is not just the will to rescue. it’s the instinct to rescue. in the same way that Kacchan uses his quirk intuitively to reach ever greater heights, what Deku does intuitively is to save and protect others. he is unrivaled in this. his instinct to rescue surpasses even All Might’s. and this is what makes him great.

what Katsuki is doing right now is rescuing on the balanced, sensible, government-approved level of things. which is fine! admirable, even. but compared to what Deku has, it’s the same as Monoma’s will to win pitted against Katsuki’s own utterly indomitable will, which is completely illogical and excessive in exactly the right type of way, and is what drives him to the levels of excellence that he’s achieved. Deku’s will to rescue is like that. it’s on a whole different level.

and I think one of the biggest things I can say in praise of Katsuki is that he is not yet satisfied with where he is in terms of his moral strength. he understands that there’s a level he has yet to unlock and achieve. something that he isn’t yet grasping. and I’m pretty sure this is what it is. and if that’s the case, then he’s in luck, because I think it’s safe to say there will be plenty of opportunities in the near future to hone his own rescue instincts. Deku didn’t really start to approach Kacchan’s own levels of WIN NO MATTER WHAT until his battle with Muscular, and the key thing that made the difference there was the stakes. needless to say, in this latest arc, we have stakes aplenty. 

and all it takes is one moment. for there to be something to be on the line which Kacchan realizes in a moment of clarity that he can’t lose. something to trigger his own instant of my body just moved on its own. and then from there? who even knows. but it’ll be a sight to see.

so that is my [checks notes] 2600-word essay about Kacchan’s 75-word speech in chapter 247. to sum up, what I want for my son in this arc is for things to finally click for him to get that moment of Hero Autopilot, and also for other people to get with the program and acknowledge what a good kid he is, goddammit. even if he gets embarrassed. or embarrasses them immediately afterward by demonstrating exactly how good of a kid he is by blowing up the nearest inanimate object and launching into colorful tirades about someone’s mother. Bakugou is basically like a poorly wrapped Christmas gift. ugly on the outside, doesn’t quite look right when stacked next to the other gifts, but once you rip that sucker open TAH DAH, IT’S THAT BRAND NEW THING YOU WANTED! and it kicks all the other gifts’ asses. what more could you want in a character lol.

[azucanela]

Hi i really loved your first date HC❤❤👌 i dont know if your requests are open but if they are could you maybe do the same thing with baby boi kiri ??

FIRST DATE HEADCANNONS + SCENARIOS

[ft. denki kaminari, kirishima ejirou]

bakugo, todoroki, shinsou version

SUMMARY: how did they ask you out? And how’d the date go? Well... 

WORD COUNT: 2.2k

WARNINGS: kissing, pretty pg, corny pick up lines

A/N: im glad you liked it! hope you don’t mind that i added denki bc i wanted to do more than one person lol. also im sorry it took so long!!! i lacked inspiration akjsdlksjkldj

DENKI KAMINARI

SO THIS ONE

so panicked when asking you out like he almost gets bakugo in on it

kirishima suggests super manly stuff like buying you roses but he ends up writing you a little note that says “will you go out with me? check yes or yes.” he’s kinda freaking out lol

he’s genuinely worried you will say no be careful with his heart

anyways he has it passed through the classroom and is highkey worried the note will be intercepted by aizawa but its fine it fine

and then mina gets it 

in all honesty, you probably thought the note was for mina, and if it did involve getting asked out, it was definitely for her

but then mina passes the note to you with a SMIRK

looks like someone couldn’t READ THE R O O M

smh

anyways, when he turns over to face you in the middle of class, basically sweating bullets, you’re kinda like ??? bc what is this mans doing

you look at the note and realize your name is on it like OH, he probably need homework answer lol

then you open it and it says “will you go out with me? check yes or yes.” 

even though he’s a really flirty person, he likes you alot so that persona kinda fades with you since he respects you 

and it also makes him really nervous around you

you’re kinda like :o

and he’s like :,)

so then you laugh a little in your seat and he begins to panic, and then you look over to him and with a lil grin, and after class you come up to him, “how about a study date, im honestly worried about your grades.”

then you kiss him on the cheek

kaminari.exe

hes dead you killed him, nearly passes out

and thats how denki got his first study date! because his crush who liked him back thought he was dumb!

poor bb

the actual study date would probably be in a café or a library

denki probably prefers the library since it would be easier to just make out with you in the isolated and quiet space BUT

you want food so café it is ugh, you don’t know what you’re missing out on.

he gets there first, and he actually brings his textbooks and homework, he’s invested and he wants to impress you so he is going to try his hardest okay

kaminari is internally panicking when he sees you, you do a lil wave and he swears his heart explodes with uwus and WOW you look SO good, he really wants to see you in street clothes more often.

he learns more that day than during his entire time in the hero course at UA. 

naturally, since you two live in the same dorm, he walks you back to your room

and then he comes inside

and then-

anyways he really really really want to kiss you on the first date and totally will if you allow it

you make him drink respect women juice at that café and he leaves a changed man

Denki’s knee was bouncing rapidly as he sat in the café. He’d taken the time this morning to pick out an outfit, and pack his textbooks, along with pens, highlighters, anything you could imagine really. If Y/N wanted a study date, he would try his hardest to make it the best study date possible, though he wasn’t really the best at studying, she’d been right when she’d pointed out his poor grades.

But hey, those grades got him a date, so they weren’t all that bad. 

He’s beginning to regret drinking caffeine as his hand taps against the table anxiously, despite his flirtatious personality, Denki had been on few dates. And he’d been stood up before, that was never fun. Also, it was Y/N, the girl who tried to help him pass all his classes, and shared food with him, and reminded him to do his work. This was important.

He’s about to pull out his phone and text her when the bell at the door of the café rings, his head snapping upwards at the sound to see if its Y/N. Relief floods him when he realizes it is her, a nervous smile finding it’s way onto his face as he waves at her. 

Y/N’s face lights up at the sight of him, and she makes her way over to him with ease, taking a seat across from him as she places her backpack on the floor. Y/N raises a brow, “some came prepared.”

“Yeah well, I’m excited to study.” His eyes meet hers, “with you.”

A small laugh escapes her, and Y/N tilts her head at him curiously, “I’m glad you’re excited.” Her eyes fall on the empty line in the café, “you want something?” 

Denki shakes his head, “no. I’m fine.” 

Y/N hums in response, sitting up to go buy a drink. Before heading over to the cashier, she leans over to him, grinning as she speaks, “calm down, Denki. It’s just a study date.”

“A study date with you.” Comes his response, earning him a flick to the head.

He decides then that Y/N looks very pretty in street clothes, it’s something he wished he’d seen sooner. Her outfit is fairly simple, but she looked beautiful in Denki’s eyes nonetheless. His eyes were trained on hers as she paid the barista, coming back to sit while she waited for her drink. 

Y/N rests her head in her hands, “so. You ready for a crash course in calculus?”

Denki hated school, he wouldn’t deny it. But learning alongside Y/N was far more bearable, and it gave him a sense of normalcy that he craved, seeing as he was incredibly nervous. Though Denki managed to loosen up over time, and now that they were walking back to the dorms, he found himself flirting like normal, “I’m not a photographer, but I could picture you and I together.”

She’s been laughing at the corny pick up lines he’s been using the entire walk home, “really now?” Y/N asks, grinning at him as they walk along the path.

“Yeah, really!” He replies, leaning closer to her, “now. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?”

There’s a pause, and Denki wonders if he passed an invisible boundary as he turns to Y/N, only for her to yank him by the collar, bringing his lips to hers. Y/N’s other hand comes to his arm, and Denki is temporarily frozen, though he soon realizes he needs to reciprocate if he wants to keep kissing her.

He really wants to keep kissing her.

Bringing his hands to her waist, Denki pulls her closer, smiling when they pull away and she says, “you were wrong.”

KIRISHIMA EJIROU

THE MANLIEST MAN OF DATES

it’s literally just so much chivalry like kirishima single handedly revived it

chivalry is NOT dead, kirishima just has ALL OF IT

Anyways.

asks you out with the help of our boy baku, gets him to good a meal and puts it in some tupperware,

lol convincing bakugo was the funniest part, and he agreed only because he was like, “what you think my cooking couldn’t get you a date? just you watch!” 

genuinely sees his cooking as a means of bribery

kirishima is grateful because he cannot cook so i hope you can

buys you roses, and approaches you, obviously nervous but keeping his cool

you think he’s gonna ask out bakugo HADHJGDSJHGD

you nudge baku and he gives you a look and is all like, “what the hell, that is all clearly for you.”

y/n.exe

lol kirishima is really sheepish about it he’s all like, “so would you be interested in... i dunno maybe going to dinner or something, as a date?”

embarrased bb

you accept the roses and the food and smile at him like, “sure!”

kirishima is relieved™

your first date is probably just like to the mall, you two get food and shop its nice

tries to pay for everything but he is not todoroki

he is your sugar baby congrats

he likes to watch you shop because you get really excited over really simple things and he does too and its just really adorable

definitely wants a fashion show with you

you’ll probably be like, “i don’t wanna waste your time.”

and then you turn around and kirishima is already holding seven different outfits like, “FASHION SHOW!” because hes manly

he also thinks you look REALLY pretty in all these different outfits like wow

he also has a fashion show and he has no right looking that GOOD in these CLOTHES 

y’all probably have your first kiss here, like you’re trying on clothes and he is hyping you up and you get all soft and he gets off soft and he’s like can i kiss you? and you are like HELL YEHA

opens doors for you, pulls out your chair, gives you his jacket, the KING of being a gentleman 10/10 treats you right

would ask to kiss you and will respect whatever you say when he walks you back to the dorms too

assuming he gets a kiss he’s throwing a party lol

Kirishima smiles as he watches Y/N stare at a skirt, squinting at it as she examines it. It’s cute, she’s cute, and he was ecstatic when she’d agreed to go out with him. The date was simple, just a trip to the mall and lunch in the food court, they’d already eaten, so now Y/N was leading him around the mall as they looked at all the stores.

“Do you think this would look good on me?” She asks, bringing a skirt to her lower half to inspect the look.

He simply takes the skirt and throws it over his arm, which is already holding several other articles of clothing, not that he minds, “I think everything here is gonna look good on you.” Kirishima raises his arm up to gesture towards all the clothing he is carrying as he smiles at her. 

Y/N can’t help it when her cheeks warm and she looks away, “C’mon let’s go to the dressing rooms.” She mumbles, eyes falling on hi, “you sure you don’t want help carrying those?”

Kirishima puffs his chest out a bit at this comment, “I wouldn’t be a very manly boyfriend if I didn’t.” Came his response.

This earns him a raised brow from Y/N as she guides the two of them to the dressing rooms, “boyfriend huh?”

His cheeks flush as red as his hair, “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-”

“I like it.” Y/N winks as she takes the clothes from his arms and heads into the dressing room, shutting the door behind her and leaving Kirishima in shock.

He had plopped down onto the bench outside the dressing room, earning sympathetic smiles from those who pass by him, though he really doesn’t mind. If he was honest, he liked this. Y/N got excited over the smallest of things and that got him pretty excited as well, her joy was contagious almost. Kirishima was shocked he’d even scored a date with Y/N in the first place, she was in the top of their class, and had a ridiculous amount of friends, and even more admirers it seemed. 

She’d been trying on clothes for quite some time now, exiting only to show him the outfits, not that responses to these outfits ever changed, since she looked beautiful every time. 

Resting his head in his hand, he hears Y/N call out, “you sure you aren’t bored yet?” She’s slipping on a different outfit, a small smirk on her face as she wonders what his reaction could be. 

“No, not at all.” Kirishima replied, shifting in his seat. 

And then Y/N came out of the dressing room, she had chosen the skirt she’d previously show him along with a low cut top that he had not seen her pick.

Oh god.

Kirishima felt his mouth go dry as it gaped open in shock, “how do I look?” Though she clearly knew what he thought, given his reaction, Kirishima couldn’t help but remind himself that it wasn’t manly to stare. 

“Pretty.” Kirishima replies, “really pretty.” He straighten in his seat, offering her a nervous smile as she watches her spin in a circle. “How is someone so beautiful, literally?

Y/N is beaming at him, a small laugh escaping her as she comes to stand in front of him and replies, “I could say the same about you.” Kirishima's face breaks out into a smile and she brings her hands to his shoulders, “thanks for taking me out Kiri.”

He tilts his head curiously at her actions, “thanks for agreeing to got out with me.”

She hums in response, hands coming to his cheeks as she stood between his legs, locking eyes with Kirishima Y/N gives him a small smile, “can I kiss you, Kiri?”

His eyes widen a fraction and he nods rapidly, “definitely.” He mumbles in reply, eyes closing as their lips met. Kirishima allowed his hands to come waist, squeezing her hips as they kissed.

Yeah, he liked this.

A/N: i have zero inspiration and i feel like kirishima is out of character i am sorry akjdhkjshdkjahs 🙃 anyways kirishima looks respectfully

TAGLISTS[lmk if you want to be added or removed via askbox or replies]

BNHA: @shawkneecaps​

[carynsilver]

Favorite Fics: Drarry Edition

Like I mentioned last time, reading has been a big comfort to me with all this craziness and sheltering at home, so I want to pay it forward and send love to some of the writers whose work has been brightening my quarantine. Thanks, guys!

For this list, we’re leaving the MCU for a while and heading over to the Wizarding World. I liked Harry Potter when it came out, but I never really read much fanfic until I realized a couple of years ago how much a redeemed Draco fit into the redemption trope that I loved in Harringrove, LoVe, SnowBaz, and other fandoms and ships. Once I started perusing the fics out there, I realized that one of the strengths of this fandom is the length and quality of the stories. I love stories that are a meal, and Drarry provides so many!

As I’ve gotten into the ship (so many years late, lol), these are my top 10 favorites.

dirtynumbangelboy by @magpiefngrl

This is probably the Drarry fic that I most enjoy. I come back to it fairly often when I need just a good read in the HP world. Fake dating is one of my absolute favorite tropes, which made this one an automatic win for me, but it’s written with such heart. I really, really love Draco in this fic. His uni studies and his flat being so different from the diffident image he projects. This is also probably the best Astoria I’ve ever read. Also--Jam Today! Read it now!

Do It All Over Again by DracoWillHearAboutThis

I only discovered this series earlier this year, and I’ve already read it at least three times from beginning to end. It’s a re-telling of the original series starting from Book 1. Draco sends himself a letter from the future basically saying that his dad is wrong, and he needs to give up his pure blood ideals and befriend Harry, then--boom--the Golden Trio’s adventures all happen with Draco in tow (and eventual romance, of course). The plot is fairly similar to the actual series, but I am there for the angst and the character growth. Narcissa kicks ass in this ‘verse, and Draco/Hermionie as besties is a treat! Book 4 and Book 6 are both amazing. And her titles are hilarious. This is the only series on my list that is still a WIP, but there’s plenty to read. Books 1 - 6 are complete, and a new chapter for 7 comes out every two weeks. It’s a safe bet so far, and it’s so good--why wait?

A Secondary Education by Thunderbird587

In this fic, Draco takes a job as Potions Professor at Hogwarts after getting divorced under horrible circumstances and renews his acquaintance with Harry, who is the DADA Professor. It’s got a bisexual awakening, and manages to combine friends with benefits with some supreme pining. Like a whole pine forest. Thunderbird587′s Draco POV is so fleshed out, and yet it also lets us see how Harry is pining, even when Draco himself doesn’t. Plus, at over 200K, it is long enough to get lost in for ages, which is perfect right about now. And when you finish the main fic, there are three other ancillary fics, two in Harry’s POV that take place during the main one. The cufflinks one is my favorite, but the writing is so good that I even thoroughly enjoyed the third sub-fic that fleshed out an OC. So, so worth the read--all of it!

The Foundations!verse by Saras_Girl

All of the fics by Saras_Girl are great. You can’t go wrong with any of them. But Reparations, Foundations, and all the little one-shots after are my favorite. It honestly surprised me at first, because alcoholism is a trigger for me, but this fic actually helped me realize that it’s the addiction part, the fall to rock bottom that triggers me. Recovery stories are different. And, I guess, this one is a bit different in that, though it has plenty of characters recovering, Draco himself is actually in a healthy place and facilitating recovery without relapsing. Harry is a Healer in this one, which is not the usual, and I quite enjoy his other relationships in this ‘verse, as well. He, Ron, and Hermione’s friendship is great in this one (their pub nights crack me up), but I also really like Harry’s friends at St. Mungo’s. My second favorite Terry Boot ever, and two awesome OC chicks. And the process of Drarry going from can’t stand each other to in love is slow and prickly and yet really believable. Oh, and Harry and Narcissa’s relationship in this one is just fabulous.

Golden Age by zeitgeistic (faire_weather)

The Hufflepuff in me was bound to fall in love with this fic. I really enjoy Eighth Year fics, especially the ones that embrace inter-house unity (shouldn’t have taken them a war to see the need for that!). This one takes it to a new level when everyone in... I think it was 6th - 8th years were resorted at the welcome feast, and the whole 8th year dynamic is shaken up. Harry, Draco and Neville become Hufflepuffs; Hermione and Pansy become Ravenclaws; Ginny becomes a Slytherin; and somehow Ron and Blaise are the ones who stay in their houses because the hat thinks they are basically the uber Gryffindor and Slytherin. But with the rest of them, we get to see them embrace other facets of their personalities, which is super interesting. And then, after the resorting, we find out that Hufflepuffs have a whole different world going on that basically no one outside their house knows about, and that world is brilliant. Even Hufflepuff food in the Great Hall is different! Everyone would enjoy this story, I think, but if you are a ‘Puff, you really, truly should not miss it. And if you like this one, check out some of zeitgeistic’s other works. Her world building is fabulous.

Life skills outside the curriculum by Endrina

In this fic, Harry gets fed up with the Dursleys before his 11th birthday and runs away before he gets his Hogwarts letter. He ends up on the streets and somehow embraces this kind of instinctual magic that is really fascinating. A few years later, Draco runs away rather than get involved more closely with the Dark Lord, and of course they meet up. This whole fic is super compelling. Harry’s world view and the way people gravitate toward him even without chosen one status. Also, this fic has one of my favorite versions of Remus and Sirius ever. I really wish there was a part two that went in depth on everything that happened after the end of this one, but even on its own it is so worth the read. And everything is wrapped up. I’m just greedy and would’ve loved more. :-)

A Convenient Impracticality by @firethesound

This fic combines friends with benefits and fake dating into a really enjoyable story. Harry is so oblivious, but it all works out in the end. And Draco is a secret mastermind, but in a good way. So is Hermione. Unlike some of the other, angstier stories on my list, this one is so fun, and I love it. And if you like it, check out more of firethesound’s work, as well. It’s worth it!

you’ve got the antidote for me by kandakicksass

And then, back on the angst train, lol. Soulmates, red string of fate, rejected bond = terminal disease. Whew! There’s a lot to unpack in this one, but after I read it, I never forgot it. I read a lot of fic in a lot of fandoms, and I always know a story is going to become a favorite if it stands out so much that I remember it later and think about it. That surely happened here.

(We’ll Call This Fixer-Upper) Home by phdmama

This is one of the first fics I read on my first Drarry binge, and I’ve always remembered it. Just like I love Eighth Year and Hogwarts professor fics, I also love fics where they have really unexpected jobs--pretty much anything other than Aurors. In this one, Harry is an artist/photographer and Draco is an up-and-coming rock star. The music and art, the creativity is important in this fic, but it also really looks at Draco’s recovery after the war in ways I haven’t read since, and I’m also a sucker for our favorite characters actually addressing and recovering from their trauma. 

Boom Clap (The Sound of My Heart) by @femmequixotic and noeon (noe)

This fic takes the Eighth Year trope to the next level. Draco, Harry, Hermione, and some other faves are teaching fellows at Hogwarts. Junior professors, kind of. It read like if the HP crew went to college. And, of course, Draco and Harry fall in love along the way, but not without much angst and obliviousness. I really enjoy the Draco POV in this. His worries and anxieties feel so real for that stage in his life, but amped up because of the past. This was one I read, never forgot, and then had to go back and find so i could read it again.

So, those are my top 10, but there is lots of other good Drarry out there--both from these authors and all the others in the ship and the fandom. Thanks for all the writing you guys do.

Oh, and tagging @virtual-insomnia, but only because she said she might want to make some quarantine fic lists of her own. :-)

[sebastianshaw]

Let's go wide and predictable... Tell me about the different WoD incarnations for Shaw. :>

OK SO First thing I am glad you are also a nerd for this so I don’t don’t to explain all these terms. Secondly wow I need to be better about tagging/organizing, I couldn’t find all the other posts on this I was SURE I wrote. SO HERE’S A BIG FAT POST, RIP YOUR EYES

VAMPIRE Lasombra: This is the clan I typically default to in answers for him AS YOU HAVE NOTICED. I mean, they’re dark aristocrats who are all about Social Darwinish, preying on the weak, and the strong reigning. They primarily enforce this subtly through political games, but they have NO PROBLEM throwing an elegant Potence-backed punch. While one would think that these proud predators demanding sniveling obedience---and one would, in a way, be right---they certainly don’t RESPECT it, and it can even induce violent rage in them. Fits Shaw to a T. Sure, the Catholicism/Church control and Spanish origins and attraction to the sea and Abyss mysticism aren’t for him, but hey, he fits the outlook of the Clan perfectly aside from the religious aspects, and no one fits EVERY stereotype of a clan anyway.  Most Lasombra are Sabbat, and he could be too, but he would be in it for personal power, not true belief in being the Sword of Caine. I can equally easily see him going antitribu for the political power and stability of the Camarilla.  My other choices for him are VENTURE which is pretty obvious, but also Gangrel, which sounds counterintuitive but I HAVE A REALLY GOOD ARGUEMENT FOR IT! WEREWOLF Shadow Lord. Total Shadow Lord for pretty much all the same reasons as Lasombra. Like just LOOK AT THIS QUOTE: “ The Shadow Lords are a fictional tribe of Garou (werewolves) in White Wolf Game Studio’s Werewolf: The Apocalypse role-playing game.   […]  The Shadow Lords’ lives are like a daily game of chess and a constant struggle for power […] Shadow Lords respect power and condemn weakness, any cub who’s not strong enough in their eyes is banished from the tribe [… ] None of the other tribes like them very much, or at all, but even the ones who hate them most don’t question their ability to get things done. […] perhaps the largest camp, the Lords of the Summit tend to be the stereotypical Shadow Lords - power-hungry, manipulative, ambitious, and arrogant. This by no means makes them less dangerous foes.” And like. . . .they focus on political and intellectual power FIRST, and that sort of character is typically physically weak. But as with the Lasombra, nope, the Shadow Lords had bodily power too; they’re described as looking more like over-muscled pit bulls in lupine form than wolves. So....yeah, that’s perfect. Because Shaw does fight “smart” first, he ideally never touches his opponent, but when he has to? BOY CAN HE PULVERIZE. So, Shadow Lord Shaw is a Homid, probably an Ahroun but maybe a Philodox, and he has a lot of Glass Walkers following him as well as fellow Shadow Lords; he finds great use in their technological talents and ability to adapt to an urban environment and OWN it (rather than just SURVIVE in its fringes like a Bone Gnawer, as he sees it) and they organize themselves in a corporate-like structure where he takes a natural lead.  While the Shadow Lords are stereotypically/traditionally Eastern European, they can be of any race today. Shaw’s dad is English, but since we never see his mom in canon, for this version I’m saying his mom was a great big Eastern European Shadow Lord, and that’s why he never knew her, because the Garou aren’t typically raising their own young. He’s just. . . .big brutal wolf boy. And has like a billion puppies/Kinfolk kids. I DREW HIM FERA Ok, so I picked a BUNCH of Fera for Shaw, and you know why? I could. Literally just because I could. I don’t have a DM to tell me no! I even picked extinct ones, BECAUSE I WANTED TO! Cat-wise, I like him as a Khan or a Khara. Are the Khara extinct? Yes. Do they really suit him, the way they’re described less as warriors and more just secret-gatherers? Not at all. I picked them because I just like the idea of him turning into a massive, massive black smilodon. Because I think it’s cool and I don’t have to respect canon here. He can be the last of the Khara and not fit them at all if I say so. And hey, he LOOKS like a prehistoric man already! As for the Khan. . . .of the extant Bastet, the Simba and Khan fit him best. And if I am being honest? The Simba probably are a better fit for him. And I’m fine with that. I’m fine with Shaw as a big ol werelion with a black mane. But I also just really, really like the Khan. And as I have made clear, I am running this show. So my first choice for him that isn’t a Shadow Lord, is a Khan. They’re most typically Indian, Chinese, or (due to breeding with colonizers in India) English, so he could be one of the English Khan, and hey, fighting the Wyrm gives him a good outlet for. . . himself. Their human forms are also typically tall and HUGE, upwards of 300 lbs, and they’ve sired some of the most beautiful kittens and powerful bloodlines. T “ The Simba may declare themselves nobility, but the weretigers fit the title. Regal hunters and warriors, these Bastet evoke the respect the lions demand. From the snowy mountains of Asia to the cities of India, the weretigers hunt the spawn of Asura and defend the last of their Kin. They’re solid, dependable, smart and strong. Their weaknesses, such as they are, come from being too trusting or too sure of themselves. Khan are straightforward and action-oriented, not clever schemers. Whatever a Khan does, he does full-tilt — fighting, romancing, hunting, studying, even contemplating. These Bastet throw themselves into all tasks with vigor and passion, and their bodies, in any form, bristle with vitality. Most Khan love company; though few of them can stand the presence of another of their kind for long, they often enjoy companions. And who would deny a tiger’s friendship? It’s said the Khan were brought forth to battle demons, and many of them take that charge literally. Vampires, Asura and fomori have few enemies more relentless than a tiger. Perhaps that’s why the Khan have been brought to the verge of extinction: They made too many of the wrong kind of enemies.” “ The tribe’s traditional cultures stress honor and obedience. The treachery of Nagda was worsened by the stain it put on the tigers’ pride. While solitary in nature, most Khan establish protectorates where they defend a given family or land against corruption. The fact that “defense” occasionally includes killing certain people doesn’t detract from the tribal purpose. The Kahn were created to war against demons. Those who court the darkness must die “ “ While many Khan tend to be bad-tempered and aggressive, others love company of all kinds (and are powerful enough to demand respect). “ So, is that ALL Shaw? No. He’d be a particularly nasty, scheming Khan, in fact, a little unusual for his breed. But that’s hardly unheard of. After all, the famous English Khan named Lord Clouster “had cobras for a heart; he tossed his own kuasha beneath the wheels of a train, fed his wife to a suttee fire by pretending to be dead, then killed his children when he found they did not carry the Changing Touch.” And another Khan, the Indian sultan Nagda, got into a feud with another Khan and “ taken over by his rage, the Sultan Nagda betrayed his race and used a tribal secret. During an eclipse, his assassins struck all over Asia, slaying nearly 100 Khan and many Kinfolk outright.” So, Khan can be bad too.  But not as bad as the Simba. “ “The Lords of Sunlight.” That’s what they call themselves. Like the blazing mane around the heads of their kings, werelions liken themselves to the sun. All things have a place and an order and rebels must be reminded of this fact. The real fact, of course, is that the other tribes dislike the lions; the Simba may call themselves “Lords of Sunlight,” but many other cats give them another name: “The Dark Kings,” an unflattering comparison to the Khan. The Simba aren’t villains; they’re magnificent lords, slayers of demons. Things are simply out of order. When the balance is  restored, when the humans know their place and the cities become graveyards, the lions will be proven right. The demons of the modern age can be traced to the end of the Impergium and the laxity of the Changing Breeds. The Simba mean to put things in order, and if that requires bloodshed, so be it. Warfare is the sport of kings” “ Werelions value strength and order. Despite their bloody reputation, Simba adore their loved ones, and watch their Kinolk closely. Children and kittens are raised within the pride and must constantly prove themselves to survive. “ “ Each pride has one Mtolo (“father”), or dominant male, and several Kirii (“wives”) and Anwana (“young hunters”). Small prides defer to larger ones, and may owe allegiance to a Chakuva (“High King”) like Black Tooth. “ So, Simba are very patriarchal, very hierarchal, and want to run everyone else and feel they’re entitled to do so by birthright,  and the more I talk the LESS it sounds like Shaw actually? Like don’t get me wrong, he’s proud and power-hungry AS YOU KNOW, but what sets him apart from Apocalypse or Magneto or Xavier is that Shaw has never sought to have mutantkind follow him. He has his own ideologies, but he has never sought to lead others or enforce it on them. So really, the Simba mentality of “we should be in charge because it’s us” DOESN’T work for him, nor does the idea of being entitled to do so, as Shaw’s “power first” mentality is all about EARNING your position, not deserving it automatically. It’s all very Fabian though! So I’ll leave that here as a bonus for you instead of going back and deleting it lol. yEAH HE’S A BAD KHAN, BASICALLY And his Pyrio, no matter what cat type he is, would be Night.  Each Bastet has a “Pyrio” meaning a classification of their general personality and what fields they’re likely to pursue and be talented in. “Like the Dark Father Cahlash, the favor of the Night indicates a sinister or hidden nature. Most Bastet with this Pryio tend to withdraw from others, concentrating on their own business unless interrupted. Although they might not be actively malignant, they have short tempers and quiet ways, and fiercely guard their privacy. Night Bastet prefer occupations such as assassin, scholar, scientist and dark mystic. In the wilderness, the Night cats are hidden hunters and man-eaters, with nasty dispositions and an eerie reputations. These are the cats whose deeds are told around campfires for years to come. If you’ve got a disposition toward the Night, activities that cause others discomfort, reinforce your private space or protect some valuable secret from outsiders can refresh your Willpower.” So yeah. Shaw is a night kitty.  Rats are not the type that fit him the MOST, but I drew him as a RATKIN WARRIOR anyway. Because rats. Also while I drew him as a Warrior, he could also be an Engineer or a Plague Lord (specifically sylphyllis; every Plague Lord contracts with a disease spirit and embodies its most horrific symptoms and I just love the idea of this hideous terrifying syph-ridden Shaw) And hey, he can get into the “culling humanity” and “survive so that you may breed” deal! Most wererats also have very little kindness towards the weak either, despite being the underdogs of the Fera themselves. Likewise, hyenas aren’t the breed that fit him the most but I kinda dig the idea of him as an Ajaba? Their role was choosers of the slain, tasked with culling the sick, dying, and unfit. They were called rainmakers because of the tears their task brought to others, and they did not spare even their own. Then, the Simba came to their lands, and enacted genocide against them. They left Africa and spread across the globe, now breeding indiscriminately to survive and can be any race. What holds them together now first isn’t any duty, but the desire to simply stay alive. And both those things---culling weakness, and being knocked off his pedestal and now forced to fight for scraps in the shadows to survive---seem fitting for Shaw. The philosophy is obviously what he’s always had, and the degraded position reflects where he currently is in canon. He’s not usually the underdog, but he is here---but doubtlessly a brutal one, the Fera equivalent of a gang leader, recruiting  Also they’re matriarchal and I kinda like the idea of him having to deal with that, as....that kind of fits too? Shaw was the only MAN of note in the Hellfire Club. All the other most iconic, powerful, threatening members were women, and Shaw’s never really had a chance (or tried to fuck with) any of them. He’s USED to being around a ton of badass ladies who are calling the shots, that’s just TUESDAY for him.   Finally---FINALLY-- I could see him as the odd human-born Rokea. A Great White, of course. Again, it was probably his mother who was the Fera, some monstrous creature who came on land and mated with his human father, only to spawn this boy while still out of the water. All Rokea are ugly in their human state, but Shaw looks better than most due to being born on land and as a human, and he is also able to move through---and thrive---in human society. Since he is seen as a Betweener---one of the Rokea who “betrays” the Sea by living on land instead---stepping into what should be his natural habitat is always risky for him, as other Rokea WILL kill Betweeners on sight. And the single-minded nature of sharks leaves little room for explaining oneself.  Oh did I say finally SURPRISE I HAVE ONE MORE. The peaceful, matchmaking, extinct Apis don’t really fit SHAW aT ALL, and they’re EXTINCT, but I love the idea of him turning into a HUGE BLACK BULL. So here’s my explanation. The deal with the Apis is that when their numbers reached the single digits, a last handful of young Apis called Last Hope went into the Deep Umbra and haven’t been seen since. The “hook” in the 20th anniversary Changing Breeds book for their return is that maybe they finally came out the Umbra and back to the physical world. My idea is that he and HAVEN are mebers of Last Hope who have re-emerged in modern times to bring back their kind---something that rests entirely on SHAW’S shoulders, since Haven’s womb was cursed by the Wyrm. So it’s up to him to just breed with as many women and cows as possible. So he’s got an excuse! And as for why he’s so un-Apis, my explanation is that the trauma of their species being wiped out and the time that was allowed to fester in them during their long sleep in the Deep Umbra, drove Haven and Shaw to two extremes of Apis behavior. Haven took on the gentle caretaker side to the extreme, becoming so pacifistic she can’t fight or defend herself. Shaw went the other end, becoming so enraged and resentful that he’s become more like a bloodthirsty predator himself.  Eventually, they both fall to madness after re-emerging, but in the opposite ways that everyone expect. It’s the sweet gentle Haven who ends up Frenzying other of control in a berserker rage, rampaging across the city in massive bovine form, causing untold death and destruction until she’s put down. . . .while the cruel violent Shaw falls to a “cow version of Harano” sinking into a depression so profound he goes catatonic up until Haven’s own loss of sanity, at which point he throws himself on her horn. The story ends with the last of the Apis truly dead, but with a new hope for the species living on in Shaw’s children, who are showing signs of being Kinfolk or Apis themselves.