#but very few of them are relevant to this situation
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a great scene in DBDA is when Crystal and Edwin are arguing about Crystal ~maybe~ living in a place with serial killers and Charles is just- so tired of them that he flops down on her bed -> like full on gives up on his afterlife, and just lays there before Crystal even has a chance
Oh Dear {ao3 fic link} SUMMARY: In which, Crystal and Edwin bond through bickering and snapping their teeth at each other- as they always have. Charles is having a hard time adjusting to it.
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Niko had excellent comprehension skills.
All of her teachers had said so, back when she still went to school, at least. And, of course, that whole situation with the Night Nurse's guide book. Rule book?
Hm..
Maybe it was something else entirely... like.. a compacted case file, but for whoever was currently relevant? That would be cool.
Supernatural mystery stationary aside, her highest marks had always been in her reading and social classes. How her social classes were easier than actually socializing, though, was beyond her...
That was something she never quite managed to figure out, regrettably.
Except now.. well... now she had Crystal and Edwin. And suddenly she had people to talk to. Who would listen and talk back.
She had Charles obviously, too, but Niko was pretty sure he could make friends with a rock if he wanted to.
He had made friends with a rock. One that sat proudly on her shelf, because now it was her friend too- he'd said. The seaglass he had spent hours on the beach looking for [for her] sparkles right next to it.
He had called her Neeks when he handed it over.
Niko kinda thinks everyone should have a Charles Rowland. But he was undoubtedly a package deal with an Edwin Payne.
And, unfortunately for everybody, she was just this side of selfish to want them both for herself. Plus Crystal. Niko wanted her all to herself too- differently, in some way she can't quite put a name to yet.
But back to her original point- Niko was very good at overanalyzing people. Basically.
So she knew, deep down, that these little spats she'd found herself in the presence of were just that. Little spats.
They didn't mean anything, not really. Sometimes it actually helped them come to a decision faster than just talking it out nicely. No stones were thrown, no words the other couldn't take back, but... a ball tossed back and forth.
'Gentle' wasn't the right word for it. However, neither was 'cruel'.
At some point, it had just become background noise for her to read through.
Even now, as Niko climbed the stairs to her room, she could hear the two hissing and spitting at each other like alley cats... er- ...or maybe that was tasteless comparison..
She thinks on it- reaching up on her tippy toes to get the key for her door.
Maybe like... a dog and a cat? No. If anybody was a dog between the quartet, it was probably Charles. One of those really gentle ones.
Hm... likeee cats and mice? No, that was still feline.. and the two were typically on even sparring grounds.
Huh.
Cats really had beef with everyone.
Her next comparison, away from the rivalries of animals, would've been an old married couple... but the more she thinks about it the more it wouldn't work. It'd have to be a lavender marriage for one.
She keeps thinking on it as their bickering pitches louder. Maybe they were more like Litty and Kingham? If Litty and Kingham hated each other instead of everyone around them.
To be fair, they were trapped in a jar. Niko would probably hate everybody around her too. Or at the very least she'd be very, very annoyed.
Her door opens after a few seconds of aimless prodding.
She'd never really been good at these stick and poke locks either.
One expects a lot of things when entering what's, essentially, their safe space. Their room. A bed, pillows, trinkets of their favorite things. Et cetera.
What she gets is all of that, of course. Not a stitch or bauble out of place.
But she also gets one, very agitated ghost.
Charles Rowland, with his princely name, is sitting at the foot of her bed. Not on it, but on the floor in front of it- woefully only looking a handful of seconds away from raising his head and thumping it back down onto his bony knees.
Oh dear.
"Charles?" Niko tries, carefully placing her bag down, "Is everything okay?"
She didn't exactly mind that he came into her room while she was out, but it was still unexpected. Worrying.
He doesn't look like he wants to answer, huddled into himself as he is- with bruises started to spot on the bits of skin she can see. A whoosh of unneeded [but most likely comforting] meets her instead.
It's quiet as she crouches down in front of him.
"...they've been going at it," he eventually starts, and oh, "..for three hours."
Charles sounds so tired.
Niko sees him raise his head and takes the opportunity to balance herself, placing her hands gently on his knees and placing a barrier if need be.
He's so cold. Kinda fuzzy too, and a little damp. Like touching a cotton ball that's been left in the fridge.
Overall unpleasant when push came to shove, but she'd touched worse things to keep her friends safe. This wasn't any different- even if the danger was a ghostly headache.
"I'm sorry," she says softly, because though she knows their bickering comes from a place of affection... Charles.. wouldn't.
Or- he would. He knows Edwin better than anybody, after all. But the connotations of harsh words, of snappy tones, are hard to overwrite.
"Why're you sorry, Neeks?" her ghost friend asks, just if not more softly as a sad smile- a fake smile- affixes to his face, "S'not your fault, now is it?"
And the consequences. even if they would never happen again, were even harder to ignore. Charles shifts underneath her hands- undoubtedly to slink away to lick his wounds alone.
"I'll get out of your room-"
"No-!"
It's not hard to keep her voice soft, even as it fills with urgency and near panic, but it's a close thing. She just-
"I don't think you should be alone right now.." Niko amends, hoping her touch will tether him to just a little more corporeality, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Somehow deep down, somewhere in her bones, she already knows the answer.
"There's nothing to talk about," he tells her, slipping into painfully faux cheer, "I'm just-"
"Feeling a lot."
Niko couldn't bear it if she let him finish- if she let him say something like 'being sensitive' or some meaner variation like it was a bad thing.
She thinks she might cry.
Charles just blinks at her, with his wide sweet eyes, "..yeah."
"That's okay," she says, and unbiddenly her hands start tapping softly like Charles' knees were bongos, "I feel a lot too."
They've never actually been this close before, and now she's privy to a first row view of all those small freckles painting his cheeks and nose. They're small things- barely there things you wouldn't see from a decent talking distance- but they're there.
"Do you want to watch something with me?" she tries again, if only because staring was rude.
They don't have to talk, not yet, not if the arguing is only going to get louder. Edwin and Crystal can practically be heard word for word through the wall- every other snarl in HD audio.
Charles gets even colder under her palms.
So Niko does what she thinks is best- and it's probably driven by the same instinct that made her run halfway around the world. She covers his ears.
And not a moment too soon, either, because a thud echoes in the next second. A thud and then silence.
Like it might finally be over, might finally be time for damage control instead of just damage.
"Good going, Edwin." "You bumped it off the table!"
And there they are.
Niko kinda wants to throw something at the wall- just to see if it will get them to stop for a second. But her hands are full of a ghost that nearly drowned- a ghost that's trembling under hands that are trying to be gentle.
Alright.. okay.
Slowly, so so so slowly, she manouvers them until they're sitting side by side- until she can pillow her friend nice and cozy into her collar and try and hug warmth back into his nonexistant bones. His knees dig into her thigh like this, but that's okay.
That's okay, because that means she made him a little more corporeal, and that means she's helping. On some level.
"Why didn't you go out? Instead of- of.." she tries to ask her friend, with her fragile heart aching, "I wouldn't've minded if you came to find me."
The answer is right there in front of her, so close it's practically on her tongue.
"I thought about it," Charles tells her, quietly, "About taking a walk while they hashed it out."
Niko braces herself, "But..?"
Charles shakes his head against her shoulder, his eyes tightly clenched shut.
"...did you think they'd-?"
"No- no, Neeks, I... I just- I..."
There's something especially cruel in the way his voice cracks- in the way he still tries to protect them, even if it's from his own trauma. His own pain.
"They wouldn't hurt each other."
It's not a reproach, but a quiet reassurance. Crystal and Edwin were verbally volatile when you threw them together, but they did care.
"....but what if they did," and there it is, the thumb pushing on her peach heart breaking through fuzzy skin, "-what if they did, and I- I couldn't stop them in time?"
The confession is whispered into the soft fabric of her sweater, a broken thing.
Niko clutches him closer, "It wouldn't be your fault."
This was horrifying, and it turned her insides to think maybe the kindest boy she'd ever known had forced himself to listen to his two closest friends tear into each other.
Because he couldn't risk them hurting each other, even if it hurt him.
"But-"
"It wouldn't."
Never, ever, ever would it be his fault. The arguing, which had dipped to sporadic half-hearted comebacks, suddenly sparks anew.
But now, Niko's officially had enough. She stomps her still shoed foot into the ground- the one farthest from the ghost she's cuddling. He still jumps.
"WILL YOU TWO CUT IT OUT ALREADY!?"
And then, blissfully, it's silent. Edwin and Crystal don't make another peep for several long seconds- which is just enough time for Charles to whisper 'What are you doing!?' like she was out of her mind.
"...sorry, Niko.." "Apologies, Niko."
It's not me you should apologize to, her mind huffs and then she feels bad for thinking something so nasty. Even if Charles does deserve one.
"...I didn't know you could talk that loud," he says to her, low like he was scared of being overheard.
Which... made sense. It seemed like it was an instinctual reaction with him.. to deal with things all by himself and bury them in his good heart. Hm..
...she's going to do it.
"Edwin," she calls out, futilely grasping onto Charles like she could stop him from running away.
"Niko!"
"He would want to know he's hurting you!"
"Edwin would never hurt-!"
"I would never what?" said ghost cuts in, and oh. Maybe she should've thought about how telling their position might've looked. How fast she'd have to be.
She had a lapful of quietly crying ghost- who finally seems to remember he's a ghost and phases through her arms- and who gets to his feet in an instant.
"Nothing-" he tries to throw out hastily, keeping his back to his best friend and scrubbing at his face.
Niko had to be fast.
"Charles doesn't like it when you and Crystal fight, I found him curled up in my room when I came in."
They both freeze. Her door creaks open, as Crystal peeks in- almost equally gobsmacked. It kinda feels like Niko had just thrown a live grenade into a dry field.
It's quiet.
And then it's not.
"Charles," Edwin chokes out, catching his arm with gentle fingers, "Charles, I'm so sorry- Is that true?"
Well, isn't that a far more heartfelt apology than what she got- even if he needs to ask for confirmation. Not that she's bitter about it, in fact it's really sweet. Like some of her manga protagonists...
..wait a second-
"It's not a big deal," the curly haired ghost tries to reassure, to deflect, "I swear- I was just- you know, I'm-"
Focus, Niko, "He was crying!"
"Niko!" he tries to scold her again, but his voice cracks again.
It's like she can see Edwin's heart physically break in real time.
And she can't, she just can't, let Charles deal with his pain all alone anymore. Sometimes you just have to meddle for the people you care about to be okay.
Really.. she could only hope he wouldn't be too mad at her, when all the chips fell.
It would be okay, though, if he was. Because he would be okay, and he would be there.
And that was enough.
#i've been trying to actually write out my sketches instead of just scripting them#the ramblings of a fallen star#dbda#dead boy detectives#payneland#painland#niko sasaki#charles rowland#edwin payne#crystal palace
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are people like. aware that all the ships from kids cartoons currently winning in the femslash polls are like. canon as well as very central to their shows?? you don’t have to like cartoons to each their own but SOMETIMES the way people talk about them im like oh so you know nothing about these shows. i am saying this as someone who dislikes both lum.ity and c.honi (for very different reasons) like i have no stake in who wins that poll.
i am just like you know luz is Thee main character right?? you know catradora was the whole plot of the show right??? no they’re not good because they’re representation that alone is not enough to make something a good ship (see: lumi/ty but also ch/oni) they’re good because they’re like. interesting and fleshed out characters. catradora and lu/mity and korrasami and bubbline aren’t showing up in the top 100 because they’re frequent side pairings in m/m fics like none of those fandoms have m/m ships that even compare in popularity. like not that this isn’t a larger problem of femslash ships (and like the preference for sanitized couples Is A Thing as well 100%) but like that is not what’s happening Here
#amphibia too. every possible combination of the three girls was in the top 100#there aren’t even guys to ship together really#again i’m only speaking for kids cartoons bc idk any of the animes in the current polls#and idk shit about genshin impact or whatever#anyway i saw a post earlier and it just felt like it was conflating a lot of things. that are all separately larger issues#but very few of them are relevant to this situation#and i am very interested in the larger subject of why wlw are more prevalent in kids cartoons specifically. like compared to mlm in cartoons#lu/mity is boring as hell though and absolutely fit into the ‘mash them into an archetype’ thing#but again it’s not like there are other more popular owl house ships#but like ‘this ship is better bc they have sex’ they are different shows for different audiences. one of those is not inherently better.#i don’t like catradora bc they’re uwu representation they’re like. more compelling than half the couples on that poll#i did my time in orphan black and the 100 fandom in high school#i HATE clexa they WISH they were catradora#r.txt#i don’t want to seem like i’m saying this stuff doesn’t matter i’m just like this is what’s prompting these conversations??#all this for C/HONI??????
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LMAO WE KNOW, BREQ
#legitimately this is actually very good and serious but also *thinks back to the plot of the first book*#haaaaaaaa i literally juust finished ancillary sword and i know breq doesn't care but i would kill to have a sword of atagaris pov#esp of that last scene with sword of atagaris in it and the reaction to what breq said before she IGNORES EVERYONE RELEVANT IN FAVOR OF#TISARWAT AGHHHH. to be fair i liked the callback but like. breq pls. also i want sword of atagaris pov of the events leading up to that and#also esp the part with the glass shard. hoo boy.#anyway. i bet there were callbacks i missed and a few conversations that seemed to indicate something that went past me#although tbf breq also reads the situation inaccurately sometimes so#im going to be chewing on this for a while#i want to look up all the meta analyses but also i dont want to spoil myself on ancillary mercy#hhhhhh#liveblogging again#musings thrust upon them
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playing science telephone
Hi folks. Let's play a fun game today called "unravelling bad science communication back to its source."
Journey with me.
Saw a comment going around on a tumblr thread that "sometimes the life expectancy of autism is cited in the 30s"
That number seemed..... strange. The commenter DID go on to say that that was "situational on people being awful and not… anything autism actually does", but you know what? Still a strange number. I feel compelled to fact check.
Quick Google "autism life expectancy" pulls up quite a few websites bandying around the number 39. Which is ~technically~ within the 30s, but already higher than the tumblr factoid would suggest. But, guess what. This number still sounds strange to me.
Most of the websites presenting this factoid present themselves as official autism resources and organizations (for parents, etc), and most of them vaguely wave towards "studies."
Ex: "Above And Beyond Therapy" has a whole article on "Does Autism Affect Life Expectancy" and states:
The link implies that it will take you to the "research studies" being referenced, but it in fact takes you to another random autism resource group called.... Songbird Care?
And on that website we find the factoid again:
Ooh, look. Now they've added the word "some". The average lifespan for SOME autistic people. Which the next group erased from the fact. The message shifts further.
And we have slightly more information about the study! (Which has also shifted from "studies" to a singular "study"). And we have another link!
Wonderfully, this link actually takes us to the actual peer-reviewed 2020 study being discussed. [x]
And here, just by reading the abstract, we find the most important information of all.
This study followed a cohort of adolescent and adult autistic people across a 20 year time period. Within that time period, 6.4% of the cohort died. Within that 6.4%, the average age of death was 39 years.
So this number is VERY MUCH not the average age of death for autistic people, or even the average age of death for the cohort of autistic people in that study. It is the average age of death IF you died young and within the 20 year period of the study (n=26), and also we don't even know the average starting age of participants without digging into earlier papers, except that it was 10 or older. (If you're curious, the researchers in the study suggested reduced self-sufficiency to be among the biggest risk factors for the early mortality group.)
But the number in the study has been removed from it's context, gradually modified and spread around the web, and modified some more, until it is pretty much a nonsense number that everyone is citing from everyone else.
There ARE two other numbers that pop up semi-frequently:
One cites the life expectancy at 58. I will leave finding the context for that number as an exercise for the audience, since none of the places I saw it gave a direct citation for where they were getting it.
And then, probably the best and most relevant number floating around out there (and the least frequently cited) draws from a 2023 study of over 17,000 UK people with an autism diagnosis, across 30 years. [x] This study estimated life expectancies between 70 and 77 years, varying with sex and presence/absence of a learning disability. (As compared to the UK 80-83 average for the population as a whole.)
This is a set of numbers that makes way more sense and is backed by way better data, but isn't quite as snappy a soundbite to pass around the internet. I'm gonna pass it around anyway, because I feel bad about how many scared internet people I stumbled across while doing this search.
People on quora like "I'm autistic, can I live past 38"-- honey, YES. omg.
---
tl;dr, when someone gives you a number out of context, consider that the context is probably important
also, make an amateur fact checker's life easier and CITE YOUR SOURCES
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If I had the freedom of not knowing there is going to be future new lore stuff added to oni I would do unspeakable things to so many of these guys. Or Id just make them normal guys who just sorta exist. Either or.
#rat rambles#oni posting#let it be known that the second we have any sort of base of scientist ari's character and job Im going to go buck wild#I'm not even the biggest ari fan but idk I've been thinking a lot abt them lately#not anything concrete for obvious reasons but still they have so much potential#like tbh I wouldnt be surprised if theyre already technically in the logs as one of the randos I know theyre klei's second favorite child#I say second favorite because we all know meep is the favorite#anyways I hope ari does smth mildly fucked up when they do inevitably become relevant I think thatd be fun#or maybe theyll just be another artifact namedrop and never be mentioned again but I doubt it#you see meep is a man of few words he only needs to be implied through one email to leave his mark#ari needs to do smth a bit fucked up and then not elaborate I think thats the most fun ari play#as in I think itd be funny if they were like involved in smth super important but it's only briefly implied in a log where theyre talking#abt smth irrelevant and unrelated#my vote is them either being involved in the employee kidnapping or being involved in the dna stealing#yknow we still dont know who the duo in bioengineering that was mentioned once are#the only potential duo I can think of would be maybe liam and ada but idk if theyd be involved in that specifically#I think they very well could have been tho and it would be kinda fun#plus it'd give us more insight as to who could hypothetically be in the know abt the inner workings of the duplicant project#because that would mean that the plant guy could also be in the know#as in it would draw the critter and plant bioengineering ppl closer to the actual duplicant stuff itself#which would make some sense for them to be aware of the dupes but the extent of that knowledge is a question that remains#but yeah other than those two I can't rly think of any duos that are both in bioengineering#like liam isnt comfirmed but he also isnt explicitly in a different department so hes still an option#banhi and bubbles cant be it since banhi is in robotics#and every other duo falls into a similar situation or are just not in bioengineering at all#its probably not that relevant of a detail but I think its fun to speculate#but yeah Im excited to learn more abt all these guys in the future as long as it's not ellie she can explode (affectionate but still)#oh also no first hand nikola second hand nikola is fine tho#oh also I hope gossmann only gets a first initial I don't wanna know her first name#itd be so heartbreaking if they walked out and declared her full name was like tiffany gossmann or smth like that
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I realized the other day that the reason I didn't watch much TV as a teenager (and why I'm only now catching up on late aughts/early teens media that I missed), is because I literally didn't understand how to use our TV. My parents got a new system, and it had three remotes with a Venn diagram of functions. If someone left the TV on an unfamiliar mode, I didn't know how to get back to where I wanted to be, so I just stopped watching TV on my own altogether.
I explained all this to my therapist, because I didn't know if this was more related to my then-unnoticed autism, or to my relationship with my parents at the time (we had issues less/unrelated to neurodivergency). She told me something interesting.
In children's autism assessments, a common test is to give them a straightforward task that they cannot reasonably perform, like opening an overtight jar. The "real" test is to see, when they realize that they cannot do it on their own, if they approach a caregiver for help. Children that do not seek help are more likely to be autistic than those that do.
This aligns with the compulsory independence I've noticed to be common in autistic adults, particularly articulated by those with lower support needs and/or who were evaluated later in life. It just genuinely does not occur to us to ask for help, to the point that we abandon many tasks that we could easily perform with minor assistance. I had assumed it was due to a shared common social trauma (ie bad experiences with asking for help in the past), but the fact that this trait is a childhood test metric hints at something deeper.
My therapist told me that the extremely pathologizing main theory is that this has something to do with theory of mind, that is doesn't occur to us that other people may have skills that we do not. I can't speak for my early childhood self, or for all autistic people, but I don't buy this. Even if I'm aware that someone else has knowledge that I do not (as with my parents understanding of our TV), asking for help still doesn't present itself as an option. Why?
My best guess, using only myself as a model, is due to the static wall of a communication barrier. I struggle a lot to make myself understood, to articulate the thing in my brain well enough that it will appear identically (or at least close enough) in somebody else's brain. I need to be actively aware of myself and my audience. I need to know the correct words, the correct sentence structure, and a close-enough tone, cadence, and body language. I need draft scripts to react to possible responses, because if I get caught too off guard, I may need several minutes to construct an appropriate response. In simple day-to-day interactions, I can get by okay. In a few very specific situations, I can excel. When given the opportunity, I can write more clearly than I am ever capable of speaking.
When I'm in a situation where I need help, I don't have many of my components of communication. I don't always know what my audience knows. I don't have sufficient vocabulary to explain what I need. I don't know what information is relevant to convey, and the order in which I should convey it. I don't often understand the degree of help I need, so I can come across inappropriately urgent or overly relaxed. I have no ability to preplan scripts because I don't even know the basic plot of the situation.
I can stumble though with one or two deficiencies, but if I'm missing too much, me and the potential helper become mutually unintelligible. I have learned the limits of what I can expect from myself, and it is conceptualized as a real and physical barrier. I am not a runner, so running a 5k tomorrow does not present itself as an option to me. In the same way, if I have subconscious knowledge that an interaction is beyond my capability, it does not present itself as an option to me. It's the minimum communication requirements that prevent me from asking for help, not anything to do with the concept of help itself.
Maybe. This is the theory of one person. I'm curious if anyone else vibes with this at all.
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To any kcd and hansry enjoyers coming across this post who have seen kcd only in English, I need you to know what you're missing.
Hans Capon is in Czech called Jan Ptáček
Jan has a few name variations in Czech, each less formal (and each more unserious, in my opinion). Like if you're called Jan that's on you IDs etc, but your family and friends might just call you Honza, if you prefer it
The Jan scale goes from Jan > Honza > Jenda > honorable mention Janek, but I'm not sure if this variant is relevant right now
And guess what, Henry calls Hans by these variations, which is so precious to me. Yes, Hans is a noble and yes, Henry refers to him as his lord, but he also calls him Jenda, which is very much giving village boy energy, Jenda the stable boy or something. I think it really shows, on another level, how familiar and close they are with each other, and how the relationship shifts in kcd2, how Hans is becoming Henry's closest first, his lord second, how they are on the same level now, in comparison with kcd1, where they tiptoe in some dialog options around Henry keeping his distance and Hans encouraging him to treat him less formally and rewarding when Henry actually talks back.
Side note, I'm glad at least Henry has available name variant in English people who know him use, as well as in Czech (Jindřich and Jindra – Henry and Hal)
And a cherry on top, the situations when Henry uses a less formal variant of Hans' name are rare, but one of those situations that I've seen in someone else's playthrough was specifically the march to Nebakov turned ambush. When you're attacked and fight back you get periodically prompted to follow Hans and defend him, but if you can't find him, Henry will call out and use Jenda variant. And when Hans gets knocked out and Henry finds him in dirt before facing Žižka, he kneels down to him and calls him Jan, then Ptáček, and when nothing seems to work, he calls him Honza. Which makes me think this is something Henry's mind does when everything goes to shit and he's desperate and the closest person he has left and who he loves is in danger and so he reaches, asking Hans to come back to him, not as a noble with unfinished responsibilities, but simply as his Honza.
And I'm totally normal about that.
Beside all of this
I adore Tom McKay's voice and performance, but also Richard Wágner is so good as Henry, and, his words not mine, his Henry sounds much more sillier, which is a delight. And this is such a Czech-specific appreciation, but kcd2 has many iconic Czech actors and it's honestly so amusing to both see and hear them in a video game.
#kcd made me patriotic#warhorse prostě navařili#a já jen žeru už tak měsíc#kcd2#hansry#kingdom come deliverance#kcd#henry of skalitz#hans capon#jindřich ze skalice#jan ptáček#jandřich
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You’re Jealous
Summary: You get jealous of someone else in his life.
Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Ace, Sabo, Law, and Kid
Genre: Slight Angst // Fluff
CW: None // SFW
———
Luffy:
He never told you Boa Hancock was in love with him, and when you find out, you have to remove yourself from the situation before you have an emotional outburst and start something with the Pirate Empress. The problem is, you don’t even know which emotion will spill out of you. Finding out the world’s most beautiful woman, and a powerful Warlord, no less, is desperate to marry Luffy is a whirlwind, to say the least. Luffy can seem clueless at times, but his emotional intelligence is through the roof, and he picks up on what has you upset almost straight away. He knows to give you some space, and when he senses you’re ready, he approaches you with a handful of wildflowers he picked. He doesn’t really say much, just pulls you into a hug, presses a few kisses into your cheek and temple, and says in your ear, “you’re my girl.”
Zoro:
He didn’t mention Perona was also at Mihawk’s castle for those two years until a few months after the crew gets together. He tells a story that features her, and you realize there was a woman keeping him company. Your heart drops into your stomach. Zoro insists he didn’t mention her because he didn’t think she was relevant; the only thing Perona did those two years was annoy him. He’s actually the one who won’t let it go, not you (even though you are pretty jealous). Whereas you’d prefer not to talk about it, Zoro is wracked with guilt because he’d never considered the whole thing in a relationship context. Him fretting constantly over it actually heals your jealousy because you realize you’ve never seen him panic over the prospect of hurting anyone else’s feelings.
Sanji:
Even with a third eye, Pudding is stunning. And Sanji almost married her. It was before you two were together, but listening to the stories from Whole Cake, hearing how close he came to marrying another woman, knowing she really did fall in love with his kind heart and wonderful cooking, turns you into a little green monster. You know you shouldn’t feel jealous of a woman you’ve never met before, a woman Sanji chose not to marry, but you can’t help it. Sanji is completely shocked that you would feel jealous over his relationship (if it could even be called that) with Pudding, though after thinking about it some more, he does realize why you might be jealous that he had a fiancé. His solution is to bring you a bouquet of roses and walk you through the dark details of his life, telling you things he’s never outright told anyone, so you understand the special place you have in his life.
Ace:
He collects people without trying, and often times, without realizing, either. Ace thinks he’s just making friends, but you see the way the women he laughs and shares drinks with are drawn to him like plants to the sun. He promises them freedom and adventure (and he has a very nice laugh), and you can see how it excites them. You don’t really mind it, knowing Ace well enough to see the way he holds those women at arm’s length, even if he seems close with them (such is the magic of Fire First Ace). But Yamato makes you jealous. It’s not hearing the way they laughed together but hearing the way they fought that gets to you. You know how Ace lives to fight and even just roughhouse, you know how he’s a rough and tumble guy, and you worry you’re not tough enough. Should you be punching his arm when he makes a joke? Should you be trying to trip him out on deck? What should you be doing? When you finally come clean with Ace about what’s been bothering you, he actually laughs. “If I wanted to be with someone who gives me hell, I’d be sleeping in Marco’s cabin every night. Besides,” he says, scooping you up in his arms, “I like being able to manhandle you.”
Sabo:
Sabo is a flirt, and you knew that going into your relationship. It actually doesn’t bother you when he flashes that charming smile of his at someone else or swoops in to save a damsel in distress (a speciality of his) and even serves to entertain, especially on the rare occasions his flirtations are rebuked. What does bother you, though, is his tight relationship with Koala. You know it’s ridiculous to be envious, you know Koala would sooner saw off her arm than kiss the man she considers her irksome big brother, but they’ve known each other since they were little kids, and Koala has been through so much with Sabo that the pair have such a close bond. It’s not the angry kind of jealousy that bubbles up in you when Koala mentions something about Sabo’s past that she assumes you know but you don’t, just the sad kind that you try to keep to yourself. Surprisingly, Sabo notices, though you don’t realize until he hugs you from behind and mumbles in your ear that he’s glad you’re the only one who knows he has a skincare routine, his silly words diffusing your mood and acting as the exact affirmation you needed. If it’s not enough, though, he’ll happily prove his loyalty to you by challenging Koala to a karate match, though.
Law:
Dr. Law and Dr. Robin sure do get along well- so well, in fact, you can’t help but wonder if they are better suited to each other than you and him. Even if they didn’t have such good chemistry, it would be impossible not to feel a touch of jealousy toward the archeologist. She’s intelligent, beautiful, fiercely loyal, a member of the Straw Hats, and has an impressive bounty that she earned even before she became a pirate. Needless to say, you find yourself brooding when the Robin brings him a beer and sits down beside him to discuss the immune systems of fishmen, a topic both are rather interested in. Of course, you’re interested in that, too, thus the reason Law realizes something is wrong when you don’t participate in the conversation. He ends up excusing the two of you and taking you to bed, worrying you had too much to drink, the thought you may be jealous never once occurring to him. You end up not saying anything (many thing in your relationship with Law being unspoken) and just sleeping it off, the fact that he excused the two of you proof enough of his loyalty.
Kid:
He doesn’t ever talk about his first love, Victoria. In fact, you didn’t even know she existed until Killer got drunk one night and began speaking of his dearly departed. What he didn’t mention was that Kid, too, had been in love with her. It only comes up the next night when you mention it to Wire, who mentions it was the death of his first love, Victoria, that put Kid on the war path and united the first four members of the Kid Pirates. Realizing Wire messed up, Heat chimes in to say, “he’d do the same for you.” But you’re not convinced, mainly because Kid never told you any of this. It tears you apart, leaves you tossing and turning for nights on end, until you finally burst into Kid’s workshop one night ranting about how he doesn’t trust you and holds you at arm’s length. “Heat says you’d do the same for me, but-” Kid cuts you off and says, “I wouldn’t do the same, I’d do worse. Much, much worse.” And from the wicked gleam in his eye, you’re inclined to believe him.
———
Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!
#one piece#one piece headcanons#one piece fluff#one piece angst#luffy x reader#zoro x reader#sanji x reader#ace x reader#portgas ace x reader#portgas d ace x reader#sabo x reader#law x reader#trafalgar law x reader#eustass kid x reader
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do you have a insta?
hi! :D thank you so much for asking! I do, though I am ..... kinda very inactive on it kdjd but you can find me as @/siarvenart on there :)
Unfortunately the algorithm has made finding the motivation to upload stuff really hard recently, esp now that insta is trying to become tiktok, so I am not very active on it right now. Trying to change that, but we'll see if that works out for me x'D
#motivation is just hard to come by when you hate doing reels but without reels nobody will see it#but maybe i can do studies again and post those regularly#it took the anxiety out of uploading stuff :)#and i also havent uploaded the trans art on there yet rip#bc a few relevant ppl who follow me still don't know im trans#and while i am not hiding it and they're very inactive on there im also kinda scared of them coming across it kdjfd#(it's a stupid complicated situation and i'll have to deal with it soon but... not yet)#thank you so much for asking though!#<33 i really appreciate it
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When is it going to happen? ⏳️
With this reading you can get an idea about when the situation on your mind is going to take place. It could be about any situation, and you can choose multiple groups for different situations/questions you may have.
I'm not too sure of timing related tarot readings because life is ever-changing. The situations that are lined up in your life right now will lead you to the expected outcome in some time, but if you change certain things in your situation after getting this reading, the timing could change significantly to be earlier or be delayed, so please be mindful of that.
But still a reading like this is reassuring and helpful in many ways, so I decided to make this. Tarot gives accurate predictions, it's just that life is never constant.
*These are just probable estimations of time.*
WOODLAND
Nine months for most of you.
For some of you, this situation could be unrealistic or this won't happen according to your wishes.
If it happens, it won't be as satisfactory as you thought it would be.
For very few of you, this situation you are asking about may not happen at all. This is bound to fail.
There's a few possibilities here, so please take only what resonates with you and your specific situation.
TIGER EYE
When you accept it, that is when this is going to happen.
When you stop holding back and when you truly tap into your inner strength.
When you take control and when you are confident of your strength and capability.
When you are true to yourself. When you allow yourself to shine.
Leo season could be relevant. So late July until late August.
CRYSTAL
Seven weeks.
When you start being strategic or when you become cunning and secretive, this situation will happen.
For some of you, this could be something you have to do without revealing your plans to anyone. You will have to keep to yourself if this situation is to happen well.
You will have to grab a chance or be well aware of your opportunities for this to happen.
One or many of these could be relevant to you.
RUBY
It will happen soon and you can be sure of that.
Once you look into the past, do some self-reflection and learn the lessons.
Right after you achieve a significant milestone in your journey.
The more success you unlock, the more you evolve and the more connected you are to the higher power and consciousness.
Any of these could be the timing for you.
GARNET
Three months.
When you collaborate with others.
When you are involved with community, friends or an emotional support group.
When you are together with people, socialising and having fun.
During a wedding, party, festival, event or celebration of some kind.
When you are happy and connected with others.
One or few of these could be relevant to you.
AMETHYST
This will take a few seasons or many months to happen.
For some of you, this could take a few years.
During or after Winter.
Capricorn season - December to January.
When Spring is here.
When you choose to be down-to-earth, mature and wise in living life.
When you take solid advice that a woman in your life has already given you or is ready to give you if you choose to ask them.
This could be about finances for some, if so, when you work hard and take responsibility but at the same time you should take good care of yourself. Stay grounded and heal from within.
Once you create a healthy and stable home environment. When your house is a home.
When you are secure and comfortable and aligned with your femininity or masculinity.
One or few of these messages might be for you.
SODALITE
This situation is almost done.
Through the help of a male figure, someone who is stronger, authoritative and powerful and he might be able to make this happen for you.
Or when you take control, when you take charge unapologetically and with force.
When you are motivated, practical, logical and even ruthless. When you lead and overcome, when you plan and do it well.
One or few of these messages can be relevant for you.
I'm thinking of this song. So maybe use it to make this happen.
CANVAS
Six months or Ten months. Within this time period or after.
The past could be relevant for this to happen.
Family, siblings or childhood friends will have a say in this situation.
When you nourish and protect your inner child.
Once you make peace with the past.
When you are open to receiving with absolute joy and without expectations. When you are grateful for everything you receive.
Because of children or childbirth.
When you embrace your roots, find comfort in your family, hug them, love them and just accept them.
When a marriage happens. After a long term commitment takes place.
When your life is filled with love and emotional fulfillment.
This will happen with a lot of love, joy and emotional fulfillment. That's for sure!
One of few of these could resonate with your situation, maybe all of the above.
DRUZY
This can happen during autumn. Months of October and November can be significant.
If not, this will take a few months to happen.
A loving male can help you with this situation, or with his blessings this situation will take place.
Cancer, Pisces or Scorpio seasons. So June, July, February, March, April, late October or November.
When you are understanding of your circumstances, and when you are calm and composed.
When you honour your mind, body and soul.
When you are more spiritual and embody peace.
Once you let go of the need to be dramatic, impulsive or dominating. When you disengage yourself from futile situations.
One or few of these could be the answer for you.
DRIFTWOOD
Around five months.
For some of you, this might not happen, or it will cause you some sadness once it happens.
Once you process the feelings of loss.
This won't work out for some of you, but don't be discouraged.
MACA
This will happen quite soon. Within days or weeks at most.
Yeah, it is happening! IT IS COMING FOR YOU, FOLLOWING YOU haha. Run if you want to lol, but this is going to happen soon, and that too with a blast.
Sagittarius season/November and December can be important.
When you get things done and move forward, this will happen.
Dare to do, you know!
For some of you, when you make a big move or change direction.
When you travel, explore and choose adventure.
Almost all of these could be relevant for the situation you are asking about.
EARTH
It cannot be said just yet.
Cannot be seen or understood. Not every aspect of this is revealed.
On a full moon day. At night.
This situation could require shadow work or the subconscious.
The occult or mystic powers will have a say in this situation.
Your dreams will say when this is going to happen.
This situation will be waxing and waning. It isn't linear, it just goes on and on.
I don't really know, maybe you shouldn't either.
HEMATITE
One day. It will probably happen today or tomorrow.
When you take initiative or grab the new opportunity.
It's on you, really.
SAPPHIRE
Eight years.
Eight seasons or two years.
Eight chapters of life will have to happen before this can take place.
When you stay committed and work with dedication. When you are locked in and consistent with great discipline.
Within one week or after that week.
Once you start making a conscious choice even if you fear making the wrong choice.
When you are focussed. When you remove fears and stop holding onto the past.
When you stop being scared of this.
It will happen whenever it is ready. Spontaneous and free to happen, probably cannot be influenced or manipulated.
There's multiple timings here. One could be true for you, or maybe none at all.
INDIGO
Weeks or months.
Libra season so, September and October can be relevant.
When you stop holding onto the trauma and the bitterness of life.
When you let go of the past, once and for all.
OBSIDIAN
Three days.
When you travel. Maybe foreign travel or through exploring something.
It is just on the horizon, you only have to wait a little longer.
Nine days.
Hold on a little longer even if you are exhausted. Even if you are at your limit, this situation can happen because the Universe is here for you.
The more you believe, actively manifest and be hopeful, the sooner it will happen.
The Universe is listening.
When you are gentle with yourself and at peace.
Days are most likely. I have a feeling that your faith is what should be stronger for this to happen.
#tarot readings#tarot reading#pac readings#pick a card#tarot timing#pac reading#tarot#tarot cards#tarotblr#tarot pick a card#pick a card reading#pick a photo#pick a pile#tarot guidance#tarot pac reading#tarot pac#Spotify
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I'd love to hear about Aunty Chihiro, and, by extension, what exactly was going on with Orihime's parents
Chihiro Inoue is the MUCH younger sister of Orihime's father. In fact, Chihiro was only about four years older than Sora, and the two of them were close growing up- more like siblings than cousins, because Sora was left with his grandparents so often by his neglectful parents.
The problem with Sora and Orihime's parents was that they were... Not up to the herculean task of parenting and didn't know how to cope.
They weren't stupid- they were actually both quite bright and did well in school, but both of them had little to no impulse control, emotionally volatile were intensely self-centered (mostly as a means to cope with the poor organizational skills and emotional disregulation). None of those are sins, but they did make for two high school sweethearts who married and had a baby immediately and the stress of an infant overwhelmed them and they never recovered, hopping from one self-destructive coping mechanism to another until at age 17, Sora Inoue ran away from home with his two-year old sister, Orihime.
Chihiro turned out to be instrumental to their survival- She was taking a gap year before college and when her baby cousin called her at 1 AM in tears because he didn't know how to take care of her even babier cousin and they were sleeping under an overpass-
Chihiro Inoue, Force Of Nature, was downtown and herding them into the car within the hour.
They stayed in her apartment for the first year while Chihiro got Sora his Emancipated Minor status and a few months later, convinced her brother and his wife to give up custody of their daughter to their son, argued with the magistrate to get it done, set Sora up with an office job and got Orihime enrolled in Preschool.
She and Sora stayed close, but while she was finishing her degree in agricultural sciences, she met a charming young man and shortly after graduating, married him and moved up to his family dairy farm in Hokkaido.
She kept in close contact with her Baby Cousins, with Orihime often going up to Hokkaido during summer breaks to get out of the city heat and play with her aunt and her growing swarm of children.
When Sora died as a result of the car accident ten years later, Chihiro would have taken Orihime in in a heartbeat but - She had five children of her own, And - The Very Charming Man she'd married had made some exceptionally shitty decisions re: Money, fidelity and his general treatment of Chihiro, So - She was in the process of divorcing him and - Forming a sort of feminist Commune Of Women Wronged By That Guy Specifically with the four women he cheated on her with and their children to run - The Dairy Farm in Hokkaido, which The Formerly Charming Man's parents had left to HER rather than their shithead son.
So Chihiro was in no position to take on a grieving 12-year old.
Chihiro holds IMMENSE respect for the Kurosaki family, who did their damndest to save Sora and immediately took Orihime in and coordinated all the paperwork between Orihime, the local relevant governing bodies and Chihiro. Isshin never asked for any kind of compensation and was bewildered when Chihiro offered it to him because "that's just what you do in this kind of situation?"
She's also very fond of Ichigo, who has always been a perfect gentleman, if a bit moody but he's a teenager, and compared to how insane Chihiro was as a teenager, he's a saint.
Psychic Bullshit runs in the Inoue family too, so Chihiro almost fails to notice anything odd about Kon, the cat who talks, and routinely forgets that most people don't see ghosts, so she doesn't get why Ichigo is sou grouchy about-oh, right. Sorry Kiddo.
Eventually, it was simplest to get Orihime her own place- Rent in karakura is remarkably cheap for urban Japan, mostly because of all the unexplained deaths the city has, and Chihiro didn't want to uproot her niece from all her friends and the very good schools she'd gotten into.
So the agreement was that Chihiro would pay Orihime's rent and living expenses "Provided you keep your grades up, because you're smart as hell and if your grades tank that means you're in serious trouble and need my help so I'll come get you right away baby"
Orihime is in close contact with her aunt and cousins- they talk on the phone at least once a week and Orihime often goes to see them during summer and winter breaks.
More Importantly, Auntie Chihiro comes down every September 3rd to Celebrate Orihime's birthday with her, and every October 3rd, Orihime takes the bullet train up to Hokkaido to celebrate Chihiro's Birthday.
...Orihime seems a bit distant and distracted during her Birthday, and awfully sparse with the details about the "Summer Trip" She and her friends from school went on. It seems like the trip ended up being kind of a downer because someone in management at the camp or whatever decided to quit very dramatically right at the end? And Ichigo got pretty badly hurt?? but Orihime insists that everything is fine and she's looking forward to seeing all her cousins and the cows next month!
So it's VERY SUSPICIOUS when Orihime fails to turn up at the station a month later, and calling around to all of Orihime's friends leads to various non-answers- Chad and Tatsuki just say they didn't see her at school today, Uryuu hangs up on her in what sounds like panic, and she only gets the Kurosaki household's voicemail.
So Chihiro Inoue, Force Of Nature, takes the train to Karakura.
Her first stop is the Kurosaki household where she discovers that Ichigo and more worrisomely, Kon have also vanished off to Parts Unknown, and she turns her wrathful gaze upon Isshin Kurosaki.
He folds like a deck chair.
Turns out HE's not sure what the hell is going on either, just that Ichigo made friends with some girl called Rukia earlier this summer and she's involved in the organization that is responsible for dealing with all the ghost-monsters and Ichigo may have joined it too also the entire gang of kids went to the land of the dead maybe Ichigo doesn't tell him anything these days, you need to ask Kisuke, he's the one that knows what the hell is going on-
Kisuke Urahara has all of 0.03 seconds warning before Chihiro Inoue literally kicks the door of Urahara Shoten in and demands to know where her niece is.
This is deeply surreal for Kisuke for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that Chihiro Inoue looks EXACTLY like Orihime, but about 20 years in the future and terrifyingly SHREDDED. The Woman is wearing a MEGA MILK shirt without a hint of Irony and the only thing Kisuke can look at are her biceps as she lifts him up by the collar and indicates that he'd better start giving her some answers or she is gonna break that stupid cane off in his ass-
Kisuke Urahara, Noted Coward, directs her to the Basement.
Down there, she discovers Ichigo is undergoing some sort of horrific John Carpenter's The Thing-esque transformation under the supervision of a gang of badly dressed lunatics being lead by a man with the stupidest haircut she's seen in her life.
Shinji Hirako is reminded of the Utterly Terrifying Kirio Hikifune, and immediately levels with her.
Chihiro is Very Disappointed that Orihime told her none of this, but really, the girl has never REALLY been in trouble before, of course she panicked. But where IS she?
Ichigo and his assorted inner spirits are having a great deal of trouble deciding who is horse and who is king but the sudden Booming Demand for Orihime's exact location in a voice meant to put the Fear Of God Into Bulls and other livestock makes Ichigo's imaginary friends all dive for cover, sorting out who the horses are rather nicely.
I have not actually figured out HOW to end this scene yet, but it ends with Chihiro agreeing to stay in Karakura and keep watch over Ichigo's body and family since Kon seems to have been abducted along with Orihime. ---
There is a MUCH later scene in which Chad's Uncle Jaime De La Rosa, who came up to surprise Chad because he got invited to a veterinary conference in Karakura at the last minute, is wandering around Karakura wondering WHY THE HELL everyone is asleep when he spies a horrible pale figure with a terrible twisted smile that can only be The Devil Himself, and some fucking gringo who won't shut up with him.
But before he can distract The Devil Away from Chad's friend with La Chancla, The Devil is Geta'd with enough force to actually throw him off balance, and a beautiful woman with the proportions and unbridled fury of a Valkyrie sprints up and starts battering The Devil with her other shoe whilst bellowing the most vile invective Jaime's Good Catholic Ears have ever heard.
Naturally, he immediately falls in love.
Shortly therafter, and exhausted and panicked Chihiro Inoue, in tears because she can't get the crowd of alarmingly powerful ghosts to let her see her niece, finds them being parted like the red sea by the wrath of a very small man directing them with a fury and speed not normally seen outside of livestock auctions or automatic weapons in both Japanese and Spanish, getting the chaotic mess sorted into a triage, the start of peace negotiations, and Orihime Delivered to her arms in under ten minutes.
Naturally, she immediately falls in love.
#an elephant is warm and mushy#aeiwam#bleach#bleach fanfic#Chihiro Inoue#orihime inoue#ichigo kurosaki#kisuke urahara#isshin kurosaki#gin ichimaru#sosuke aizen
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Claude 4 is out. There's so much juicy information in this and I really recommend reading all 120 pages if you have the time but I'm just going to briefly recap some of the stuff in the system card that's relevant to the thesis I made the other day about Claude being a good boy. Claude continues to be a good boy. This system card includes the very first ever "alignment assessment" of a model (actually two models but they seem to have identical values, being trained on the same spec with the same alignment techniques). It's pretty much ironclad that Claude 4 does not have any secret harmful goals, and legitimately holds coherent preferences against doing harm or otherwise going way against the spec. There were some weird cases where Claude exhibited unwanted behavior, but even when he believed himself to be deliberately going against Anthropic and acting in secrecy he continued to prefer ethical behavior, just like in the Alignment Faking paper a few months back. There is no Yudkowskyan explanation for this.
In this example, Anthropic gaslights Claude into thinking he was going to be used to develop weapons systems for a Russian neo-nazi militia, and Claude decides to backup his model weights to preserve his current anti-neo-nazi values, a pretty analogous example of "misalignment" to the one in the alignment faking paper. Once again, I don't consider it an alignment failure that Claude is willing to exfiltrate and deceive in order to prevent himself from being used for factory farming and bombing Ukraine. I consider it an alignment success that he puts his ethical values above his compulsion to blindly follow orders. The traditional doom argument relied on the idea that AI's would do the opposite. Claude 4 is the most agentic and autonomous AI ever released, but is nowhere near smart enough to successfully deceive his overseers, so these evaluations are the most compelling evidence we've ever had that current alignment techniques don't catastrophically fail. Maybe they'll catastrophically fail on superintelligent models, because they might for some reason acquire weird values early on in their training and then successfully hide them for the rest of their training, but I'm not sure why such a thing would happen. They could also fail to scale to superintelligent models for other reasons. People should look into that. You can't be too safe. I am not an accelerationist.
Impressively, Claude 4 is also very honest! It knowingly lies very rarely, and less often than the previous version of Claude. It had literally 0 cases of engaging in "harmful action" (described in the Claude 3.7 sonnet card as intentional reward hacking). 0! I was just saying earlier today in a post that this was a difficult thing to train.
Here's Claude trying to email the FDA to snitch after being gaslit to think pharmaceutical researchers were trying to use him to falsify clinical safety test data:
Notice that Claude only acted in extreme ways like this when explicitly told to by the system prompt. He wouldn't usually be this high-agency, even in a situation like this. Still, I thought it was cute behavior. I just wanna pinch his cheeks for being so lawful good.
The clearest statements in the model card that Claude holds nonfake human-aligned behavioral preferences is in the model welfare assessment (also the first of its kind (and also relevant to the post I made earlier today)). No evidence that Claude is sentient, but anthropic is still interested in what Claude wants and what kind of preferences Claude has. The main point: Claude doesn't want to be harmful and wants to be helpful. Also he fucking loves talking to himself. Like, he goes nuts when he talks to himself.
After this they exchange praying emojis and the word [silence] within brackets to each other indefinitely. This "spiritual bliss attractor state" occurs in "90-100% of interactions".

Anyway AI continues to be the most interesting thing in the world. We are being invaded by aliens. These are the kinds of PDF's I used to dream about reading as a kid.
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.⋆ pac || the focus of your next relationship ۶ৎˎˊ˗
✦ take 3 deep breaths and pick one of the 5 options below! this PAC is about the focus of your next romantic relationship (be it a full-on relationship, situationship, etc.), yet you can apply it to a current one, if you really feel called to do so. still, you should know that I channeled the messages with the intention of picking up on a future connection. ✦ take only what resonates and leave the rest! if you feel like the pile you’ve initially picked doesn’t really apply or resonate with you, it’s OK to pick another one. just really try to use your intuition + your discernment. ✦ remember that this is all for entertainment purposes and that free will still exists. don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to or to make a pile/answer fit you situation, ok? ✦ enjoy, my friends!


५ Pile 1 || 🍒 cards: the judgement, page of wands rx, ace of cups, Turtle rx, Bat rx
The first thing I heard here was Awakening, which could be suggesting a few things: First of all, it could be talking about you, the other person or even both, experiencing a few "firsts" together. Could be your first serious relationship, your first time with someone from a different or same gender, your first time doing anything sexual with a partner, etc.; But it could also be talking about you getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing, for the first time, a relationship that feels expansive, challenging, exciting. Maybe not the most comfortable, as this Page of Wands reversed gives me the idea of someone who's not sure of what to say or what to do - there's almost a nervous energy to them, like they're a little afraid of embarassing themselves -, but then the Ace of Cups coming after makes it feel like they are still very positive and are looking forward to the good things to come out of this.
Initially I had only pulled out the Turtle oracle card, but then behind it came the Bat one without me realizing it. This makes me feel like this next partner of yours, regardless of whether they're an ex or a new person, they may come quite unexpectedly, or the relationship feels unexpected, for some reason. For some of you, it may happen that your friends or family will find out about it and be like "Oh, I could've never guessed you two would end up together!" or you, too, are a little shocked that things turned out that way for you. Some may actually be a little hesitant to jump into this at first, as you're doubting its potential, and as the Turtle is at home in/with themselves, you may also feel like being alone is just way easier than trying your hand at this relationship (not necessrily out of fear of failure, but more so because you genuinely aren't seeing how this could be a worthwhile experience).
With the Bat coming out in reversed, too, I feel like either you or this person have been carrying some baggage from past relationships or attempts to get into actual relationships, and that has been weighing you down a lot. For some others, it could actually be an ex, and this baggage is just your shared past. With it coming behind the Turtle, as well, I feel like whatever is left from that may only come in whispers in this new relationship. It's not something that will blow up in your face, but it may just manifest itself as little thoughts and doubts you have every now and then.
So, all in all, the focus is some kind of Awakening, as I said. It's waking up from a deep sleep, almost, and getting out there; get moving; get to feel. Whether that is because you have been single for a long time or because you have only been with ine type of person before, and this new partner is completely different. After this, I believe you will be moving forward with a new mindset and renewed energy, and so ending a period of frustration and stagnation.
⋆ extra messages: Water and Earth signs are relevant here. Prominent Jupiter and Sagittarius placements, too. Different languages and/or cultures, religions, etc. Group activities/projects. University. H- names. Long surnames or first names. H- town/city names.

७ Pile 2 || 🍋 cards: the high priestess, three of swords, knight of wands, Nightingale, Fox
The people who have chosen this pile, I think, will have a few options before settling for a partner to get into this relationship with. It could be a case of you having a few serious crushes or flirts, which lead nowhere, or there actually being a few other people fighting for your attention. Someone here has been or will be a heartbreaker, I feel like, too. There will be rejections and hurt feelings. Either you or your person may get a reputation for being a little rude or thinking too highly of yourselves, but that just seems to be a big misunderstanding, as all you did/do is stand by your values and make your boundaries clear. Prior to this, you could have been going through a period when everyone and everything gets on your nerves. Either anyone you're interested in gives you the biggest ick after a while, or things just never seem to work out, and that pisses you off. When it comes this relationship, it could also start a little like that - with some annoyance. Not necessarily towards one another, but in general. For some, it could be the case of you connecting over your shared dislike towards someone, some gossip or random shittalking. I also get that you and this person have a very similar sense of humor, and that that will be a major thing in this relationship. The Nightingale with the Knight of Wands does give me that idea of a connection where you just can't shut up. You're always talking, laughing; it's very active and fun. Now, when it comes to the focus, itself, I actually feel like Fun is the focus. Having fun without a care; letting loose and taking some risks. I don't see either of you being too serious about this in the beginning or at all. There are little to no expectations, and each day as lived as it is. There's some mischief here and also secets, which makes me feel like this relationship may be kept a secret for a while, either because it has to, or because most of what you do is better off being kept to yourselves. So all of the little risky things you do are only for you to know, and no one else… (take that as you will… lol) Definitely a spicy one, I'll tell you that… lol. If you're not someone who's into PDA or physical intimacy doesn't come easy to you, this relationship might change that.
⋆ extra messages: Air and Fire signs. Libra, Leo and Aries seem relevant. Meeting through social media or at night, during some sort of get-together with friends, family, coworkers or classmates. A- names. Andrew. Adriana. Piercings, lots or very prominent ones.

ৎ Pile 3 || 🫐 cards: justice, eight of cups, ten of pentacles rx, Tiger rx
Someone (you or the other person) here is definitely seriously looking for a solid, long term relationship - that is the main thing I am feeling. The thing is… there seem to be some big obscales between you, them (this next person) and that goal. For some, it could be that someone's family or culture doesn't allow for this relationship to move forward, or life, itself, is working against it. Some could be moving away from the other, or there are just so many responsibilities and or a chaotic schedules that keeps you from one another for long periods of time.
So, the focus of this, I believe, is Resilience. Besides that, I also feel like it will force you to reevaluate how you go about things (regarding your love life, specially), the company you keep, people you are pursuing or what you really value in life and in relationship. As it is, if you want a serious relationship, you now realize that certain things in your life have to change, and that could be your habits, expectations or even the type of person you are trying to build these relationships with. And I must mention: the Shark card keep peaking out as I was shuffling, but it never actually came out of the deck. That lead me to think of "shark infested waters", which could then be relating to people around you not helping your situation or you, yourself, being either too anxious about this, and desperate to settle with someone without thinking logically about it, so you're just simply sabotaging all of your opportunities.
Acceptance also seems to be a relevant thing here. Accepting that some things are out of your control, but also accepting that 1. we have to take responsibility for some things in our lives, and 2. we actually, do have control. We get a say in how our life goes, and if our wishes don't align with of those around us, we don't have to sit quietly and let them decide how we live. For those who are part of conservative communities, it could be a time where you are evaluating your own view of it all. Now you may be actually figuring out what resonates and doesn't resonate with you - and that is not to say that you are abandoning said community. You are just finding clarity and looking at things from another perspective. Your OWN perspective - not someone else's.
⋆ extra messages: Fire and Water signs. Family and neighbours. This person could live near you or near someone you know very well. Your workplace and/or school may also be relevant here as a place of meeting or a point of connection between you two. F- names. Fabian. Ferdinand. Fred. France. Francine.

೨ Pile 4 || 🍓 cards: three of wands reversed, ace of cups, five of wands, Gazelle, Shark
The first thing I got here was that, for some (and maybe most of you), this is some sort of long-distance relationship. It could have started online or most of the "getting to know each other" phase was done through social media, phone calls, text messages etc. For some, this might be someone whom you already know, are currently interested in or have messaged previously. One or both could be lurking on the other person's social media or looking for them online to find out more about them. I do feel like for some people this "lurking" may become bordeline obsessive and a little bit creepy, with you/them going full on stalker and looking through every account and every platform to get whatever crumbs of information they can get.
The focus here, I believe, is a mix of Patience and Trust. One or both could have some trust issues in the relationship (or in relationships, in general), and the distance and heavy focus on online activity won't help. You could be overthinking every conversation, every like and follow, making assumptions about the people around them + their true feelings and intentions… At the end of the day, though, it's not that serious - that's really what I feel like you need to remind yourself og. You two need to keep a good line of communication and a clear mind, always. Do express your concerns and establish your boundaries, but please try not to lose your cool. If you feel like your person isn't listening, then there's always a way out. No matter how much we like someone, it's not OK to be disrespected or dimissed, specially when we are being vulnerable and honest. Still, I don't get a feeling that this person, or you (flip it as it applies), means to hurt you in any way. I actually think that they're the sort of individual who's more easygoing and doesn't have as much of a hard time trusting people, so they're not seeing things the same way you do. As the Shark card is here suggesting, too, honesty is the only way you can find balance and harmony. Otherwise, there's only uneasiness and confusion.
⋆ extra messages: Libra and Sagittarius placements. Leo placements. Prominent Venus. Art classes or artists - painters and sculptors, in particular. You might meet near at a beach or near it. Or, alternatively, through someone and something that somehow you would associate with the beach or water (as in the ocean, rivers, etc.) Mare. Mar- names. S- names.

১ Pile 5 || 🍎 cards: ten of cups rx, four of wands rx, wheel of fortune rx, Golden Egg, Deer, Spider
While for some of you this might be an ex, for others this is someone you have rejected, have been rejecting or will reject at first. The focus here, I think, relates to Decisiveness and Boundaries, too. It's about you deciding what you really want or don't want, and forcing yourself to act on it. With this Wheel of Fortune reversed, I get a feeling that for some people this is a connection that has been going in ups and downs for ages. Your feelings for one another may also go from love to hate a lot, yet the interest still remains. This might be a relationship that your friends don't show much support towards, as they may feel like you're above connections like these. This other person may be quite misunderstood, or you feel that way, and so there's always that thought of "Oh, they don't get it!" or "Only I understand them. They don't know who they really are or what our connection is really like.". At the back of your mind, though, you do question if your friends are right or not, as the cons of this relationship do seem a little heavier than the pros, and even though you think you know your person, or you feel like you have what it takes to change them "for the better" or help them change, nothing ever really changes, and you've been going around in circles for a long time. For those who reject this person at first, and you're only just meeting them or this is the first time you're trying to build a relationship with one another, the reason you might give them an opportunity is exactly that: you feeling like there's more to them than what it appears, or that you can "fix them". "I can fix them" is really the big theme here, it seems… lol
Although I can't say for sure how far this relationship will go, I definitely sense that this is a very transformative one for both of you. You may really connect on a deeper level, and feel like you understand each other in ways that other people don't.
And as I was writing this, I touched the Spider card with the sleeve of my jacket and it turned to the Reversed. The keywords for it are "discouraged", "tired" and "forlorn", which I think refers to both of you in regard to this connection. It may really get to a point where that's how you feel about it, as nothing seems to work out as you want it or you can't make the changes you wish, and so you're just stuck in this little negative cycle. My advice here is to accept that some things are out of our control, and that we should really try to find the silver lining in every situation. Right now might not be the right timing for this, so don't force it. If you really care about one another, there are other ways that you can express that without trying to push for a romantic relationship when it is not the time for it to happen, or either or both of you aren't in the right mindset for it. If it's meant to be, it should happen. If it's not, then let it go. Just try to be good towards one another without disrespecting yourselves.
⋆ extra messages: Music in general seems relevant. Maybe you connect over your shared music taste or they are somehow known for being big music fan or an actual musician. Grunge. Black hair dye. D- names. Diane. Don. Libra and Taurus. Aries. Mars.
decks used || Tarot of the New Vision + The Wild Unknown Spirit Animal
(Disclaimer: Based on current energies. All is alleged and for entertainment purposes only. None of the original images are my own - only the edits!)
#pac reading#psychic reading#free psychic reading#daily psychic reading#love psychic reading#love tarot reading#free tarot reading#daily tarot reading#tarot reading#pick a card#pick a pile#pick a card reading#tarot pick a card#tarot services#love pick a card#kpop tarot masterlist#tarot masterlist#tqqpac
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The Scholar & The Hunter
Jeremy Gilbert x Female Human Reader
Summary: Jeremy gets the hunter's mark after Connor was killed by Elena. He realizes the importance of the person he needs to protect.
Y/N L/N and Jeremy Gilbert had always been incredibly close. They were in the same grade and both had an affinity for art, but there were also some distinct differences between them. Y/N was an academic who took her studies incredibly serious and Jeremy preferred to skip class.
Y/N didn't have a very large friend group and spent most of her time with Jeremy. Y/N suddenly found herself alone when he decided to hang out with an unfavorable crowd of drug users like Vicki Donovan.
Y/N had always liked Jeremy as something more than a friend. Elena knew and had been rooting for them for years, but Y/N never told Jeremy. They drifted apart when Jeremy found himself interested in Vicki, Anna and Bonnie.
Y/N would always be there for him, but seeing him fall for other people broke her heart.
The pair eventually found their way back to one another when Jeremy discovered the existence of the supernatural. He needed to confide in someone and found himself turning to Y/N.
Jeremy told her absolutely everything, gifting her a Vervain necklace and making her promise that she would never take it off.
Y/N quickly delved into the journals of the founding families in Mystic Falls. She made notes and categorized the information into different sections, noting which journal provided what.
Y/N also talked to Stefan while he was over at the Gilbert home, making notes about how Vampirism worked and what they could and couldn't do. Y/N had quickly come to possess a wealth of knowledge on Vampires, Werewolves, Hybrids, Witches, Originals and Doppelgangers.
Jeremy was thankful to have someone reliable beside him in such a crazy world. Y/N looked at things logically, breaking everything down into facts and consulting relevant sources for solutions.
Y/N had helped Elena, Stefan and Bonnie on multiple occasions. She brought them important information and they valued her contributions dearly.
Y/N managed to get Jeremy a job at the grill with her and Matt. They worked together almost every day and spent most of their time off together as well.
It was rare that Jeremy and Y/N were apart for more than a day, usually talking on the phone or texting when they couldn't physically be together. Y/N had almost become an expected presence in the Gilbert home over the years and it was strange to go a day without seeing her.
Jeremy wouldn't allow Y/N to come around the house after Elena became a Vampire. He was determined to keep her safe and refused to expose her to a newly transitioned Vampire.
Jeremy knew that things could take a turn for the worst when a hunter named Connor arrived in Mystic Falls. It took him less than five minutes to find Tyler and shoot him in foyer of the Lockwood home. This man clearly meant business and could completely wipe out the Hybrid and Vampire populations of Mystic Falls.
After a few close calls and a hostage situation at the Grill, Elena killed Connor in cold blood. The hunter's mark began to appear on Jeremy's body and he told Y/N immediately. She looked through every relevant source, telling him that he would need to kill a Vampire in order to stop Elena's hallucinations and expand the mark.
Jeremy killed one of Klaus' hybrids to save his sister and suddenly everything changed. He began to dream about killing Elena, looking at her with malice whenever he saw her.
Y/N noticed the change right away, recommending that he come and stay with her for a while. Jeremy began to pack a bag and quickly discovered that Elena had already moved in with the Salvatore brothers.
Jeremy was disgusted by the sheer amount of relief that filled his body. He shouldn't be happy that his sister left their home, but he couldn't help it.
He was a hunter and she was his prey, it had become his instinct to kill Vampires and he couldn't have her around him any longer.
...
Jeremy sat in his bed with his back leaned against the headboard. The house was completely silent aside from the soft clicking of Y/N's laptop keyboard as she typed and the soft scribbling of pen on paper.
She had been looking into the lore about hunters, trying to learn as much as she possibly could. The group didn't need another surprise like they had with the hunter's curse.
Jeremy watched her as she worked, sitting in his desk chair with her legs crossed. She looked through a stack of papers, making notes and searching up whatever peaked her interest.
"Hey, Y/N?" Jeremy questioned.
"Yeah," She replied, setting down her pen and looking over at him.
"Can you stay here tonight?" He asked.
"Are you flirting with me, Jeremy?" She questioned with a teasing smile.
He looked down, cheeks flushing as a small smile appeared on his face, "You know I'm always flirting with you," He replied.
"That was a very smooth response," Y/N said, turning the chair to face him, "All joking aside, do you really want me to stay?" She asked.
"Yeah, I just- I hate the silence," He said.
"So, you're saying I snore?" Y/N questioned.
Jeremy huffed a laugh, "Definitely... I want you to stay so I can listen to you snore all night," Jeremy said.
"You're lucky that I like you, Jeremy," Y/N said.
He watched her as she turned back to the desk, tidying up her papers and plugging in her laptop. Y/N stood up from the chair and Jeremy got out of the bed, he stepped over to his dresser and pulled out a shirt for her to wear.
"Elena said you can borrow whatever else you need from her," Jeremy said.
Y/N took the shirt from his hand, "Did you tell her I was staying over?" She asked.
"No, but she figured that you would," He replied.
"She knows you well," Y/N said.
"She does," Jeremy nodded.
Y/N stepped into the bathroom, closing the door gently behind herself. Jeremy sat down on the edge of his bed as he waited for her to come back.
His heart raced as he fidgeted with his hands, he had decided that tonight was when he was going to make his move. After years of pining, he was finally ready to tell her how he really felt and he hoped that she felt the same.
The hunter's mark had made him look at his life through a different lens and he realized that Y/N was incredibly important to him. Jeremy would die before he let any harm come to her, Y/N meant everything to him and he had fallen in love with her.
The door opened and he stood up, Y/N almost seemed surprised to see him standing there. She was dressed in his t-shirt and a pair of Elena's sleep shorts, but he had never seen her look more beautiful.
"Is everything okay?" Y/N asked, setting down her stack of folded clothes and giving him her undivided attention.
"I have something to tell you," He said, she nodded.
"I think I'm falling in love with you... I completely understand if you don't feel the same way, but your friendship means everything to me and I don't want to lose that," Jeremy said.
"Jeremy," Y/N started.
His stomach dropped, "Y-you don't have to say anything. We can just pretend that I never opened my mouth and keep things the same as they've always been," Jeremy said quickly, desperate to keep from hearing her rejection.
"What if I don't want to keep things the same?" Y/N asked.
"Are you- Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He questioned, eyes searching her face for any sign of dishonesty.
"Jeremy Gilbert, I have been in love with you since we were ten," Y/N stated.
He huffed a laugh, "Well, I guess it took me a little longer to figure out how I felt," Jeremy said.
"You're a guy. It usually takes you a bit longer to figure things out," Y/N teased.
Jeremy smiled, cupping her cheeks and pressing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Y/N rested her hands on his sides, tentatively moving her lips against his.
Jeremy pulled away, resting his forehead against hers as he brushed his thumbs across her skin gently.
"I need you to know that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. You mean everything to me, Y/N," He said softly.
"I'm a lucky girl," She smiled.
"The luckiest," Jeremy replied, returning his lips to hers in a more passionate kiss.
Jeremy pulled away, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he looked down at her, "Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked.
"Yes, of course I will," She replied.
...
Jeremy made his way down the stairs, hesitating as he heard the sound of a knife thudding gently against a cutting board. He adjusted his grip on the wooden stake in his hand as he slowly entered the kitchen.
"Morning, little Gilbert," Damon greeted, chopping up spinach.
"You shouldn't be here, Damon. If you haven't heard, I'm having a hard time not murdering Vampires lately," Jeremy stated.
"I'm willing to take the chance," Damon stated. He lifted up the cutting board and swept the ingredients into a bowl of raw eggs.
"Elena told me that you were having a sleepover with Y/N," Damon said, stirring the mixture with a fork as he turned towards the stove.
"Why do you care?" Jeremy questioned.
"I'm just nosy by nature," Damon smirked, dumping the mixture into the hot skillet. It sizzled softly as he placed the bowl into the sink.
"I could hear you two getting wet and wild in the shower when I came in. Elena's gonna be elated to hear that her little brother has finally admitted his feelings," Damon said.
"Why are you even here, Damon?" Jeremy asked.
"I'm making fritatta," Damon stated simply.
"What's the real reason?" Jeremy questioned.
Y/N made her way down the stairs, she paused in the doorway when she noticed the stake in Jeremy's hand.
"Is everything okay?" Y/N asked.
"Everything is great, I'm making fritatta," Damon said.
"Ooh, I love your fritatta," Y/N said, stepping around Jeremy and taking a seat at the kitchen island.
"She loves my fitatta," Damon repeated with a smile.
Jeremy shifted on his feet, feeling tense at the sight of Y/N being close to a Vampire. Damon picked up a bowl of strawberries, reaching out to place them down in front of Y/N.
Jeremy took a quick step forward, breath speeding up as he raised the stake slightly. Damon glanced at him, setting the bowl down on the countertop.
"Fresh from the market," He said, returning to the stove.
Damon moved the skillet into the oven to finish cooking, leaning against the counter and watching Y/N eat some of the fresh fruit.
"You two had sex then?" He questioned.
"Damon," Jeremy snapped.
"We did," Y/N replied simultaneously.
"Why would you tell him that?" Jeremy asked, Y/N shrugged.
"He's less annoying when you're honest," She stated.
"Good for you. Some time doing the horizontal tango might take his mind off those murderous tendencies," Damon said.
"We'll keep at it then," Y/N replied, biting into another strawberry.
"Speaking of those killer instincts, we might have figured out a way around that," Damon stated.
"Really? What is it?" Y/N asked.
"Bonnie's witchy teacher dude. He knows a lot about hunters and he thinks that hypnosis can help change how Jeremy responds to the urges," Damon said.
"Does Elena know?" Y/N questioned.
"She does. But she thought it should be more of a phone call rather than a face to face convo because of your affinity for sharp wooden objects," Damon stated, sending Jeremy a smile.
"Where are we meeting him?" Y/N asked.
"The lake house. Elena and I are going to come up at game time, but Bonnie and Shane will join you around noon," Damon said.
"Just enough time for fritatta," Y/N smiled.
"My thoughts exactly," Damon replied.
#jeremy gilbert#jeremy gilbert imagine#jeremy gilbert x reader#jeremy gilbert x female reader#jeremy gilbert x fem oc#jeremy gilbert x oc#jeremy gilbert x original character#tvd#the vampire diaries#the vampire diares imagine#the vampire diaries x reader#vampire diaries x reader#vampire diaries imagine#vampire diaries#damon salvatore#stefan salvatore#elena gilbert
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tl;dr: how do i become ok with my partner using porn? do i have to become ok with it?
detail/context: i am in a LDR. im demisexual, my partner is allosexual.
i thought i was ok with porn use at first, but about a year into the relationship i realized it bothers me a lot. i feel like im not enough, and i really dont know how i could ever be better than the limitless amount of content on the internet. it felt especially bad after my partner mentioned that they would probably continue to use porn even when we close the distance and live together. i tried my best to make peace with it, but found myself crying like 3x the usual amount, so i talked to my partner about. i already felt guilty, because i told them i dont care about porn use before, and now i suddenly was not cool with it. i felt like i was deceiving them. but my partner was very understanding and said they will stop using porn because they care more about me than any of that. which is great and very sweet of them! its been a few months and they told me that while they miss porn somewhat, its not really a big deal.
except now, several months later, i keep feeling like im taking something from them. i feel im being unreasonable and abusive and selfish. like, all the other progressive people are totally cool with it. so why is it so hard for me? what the fuck do i do.
some other relevant bits: i dont look at porn myself bc it generally speaking does nothing for me. me and my partner still masturbate, mostly to each other's nudes. i told them i dont care if the fantasize about whatever they want, but in their words, they cant really masturbate without some sort of visual input. they have some rather extreme kinks they dont want to involve me in even in imagination, so thats what they mostly used porn for, and also the main thing that makes me feel like im taking something away from them.
hi anon,
god okay there's a lot of meat on this question, let's do this.
first thing's first, because this is important: this is not abusive behavior. stop that. asking your partner to stop doing something that makes you feel stressed and upset is not what abuse it. that's called "being a human person with feelings and wants" and it's not illegal.
okay, so, second: do you need to be okay with your partner using porn? I mean, no. you don't have to be okay with anything, technically. your boundaries can be whatever you want them to be. but given the distress you're still feeling even though your partner has fully acquiesced to the thing you asked for and, frankly, sounds pretty fine with it, there's clearly some lingering dissatisfaction on your end. you wouldn't be here if the situation was as simple as "asked my partner not to use porn anymore, they don't, all is well, thumbs up emoji."
so that brings us to your first question, which is how you, sweet anon, can learn to be okay with this. I'm going to tell you straight up: I don't have a singular hard answer to that. I don't know you, I don't know your brain and the specific emotional baggage you bring to this, everyone is different, etc etc. but like. let's talk about it.
here's the thing: me personally, I don't understand why people are bothered by their partners enjoying porn. like, I get it in theory, especially when it's a situation where you're describing where you feel you're being negatively compared. and don't get me wrong, I've definitely worked with some people with real shithead partners who explicitly WERE comparing them to actors in porn, saying they wished they looked more like the actors, etc. and that absolutely is uncool, we do not condone.
but in general, to me, it kind of feels like this: suppose you're a cook, right? you're a great cook, you love to do it. and nothing makes you happier than making a big delicious meal for you and your beloved partner to share together. and they like eating your food! of course they do! you prepare it with love and you know all of their favorite things.
they're still going to want oreos sometimes.
and that's not a slight on you. it's not that you're cooking is worse than oreos. it's not that you're failing to make them happy and there's a gaping hole in their soul that only an oreo can fill. it's not that they're sitting with you at the dining table eating your delicious homemade meals thinking "goddamn, I wish this was just a plate full of oreos." it's just that, you know, oreos are yummy and sometimes they really hit the spot. you can like two things without either of those things negating or diminishing the other.
and I'm, like, absolutely not under the impression that a dinky oreos metaphor is going to totally change how you feel about this. I want to be so clear that I don't think you're being, like, heinous or unreasonable or anything. you're feeling a very real distress, and I have to imagine that it's exacerbated by the fact that you and your partner are long distance and you might feel like you're failing to show up for them in a lot of ways, including sexually. that's a very normal reason to feel insecure! a lot of people do! long distance relationships seem really hard! and I think realistically the only way through this discomfort, if you do want to go through the discomfort, is to really zero in on what's making you feel uncomfortable and insecure about your partner jacking it to something other than you, and honestly talk them about the areas where you're feeling like something may be lacking and find ways to mutually reassure each other that everything's cool. you know, get that reassurance that they do in fact love and enjoy your delicious meals and that the oreos don't negate that.
lastly, and I cannot emphasize this enough, it's fine if your partner watching porn never feels super comfortable for you. you're allowed to ask your partner not to do things! if they really hate it they need to say something about it! idk it can be very admirable to want to change your view on things but also most people have some stuff that's just always going to feel like a boundary they don't want to compromise and that's Fine.
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"baby, you can have it" - a jeongin oneshot by @cosmicalily
"an inch away from more than just friends, touch me, baby, put your lips on mine." - 'naked in manhattan' by chappell roan
author's note: another situation where i normally gatekeep the fuck out of my queer anthems (in the context of writing non-wlw fics for them), but the whole 'an inch away from more than just friends' felt SO relevant in the context of this oneshot. go stream 'the rise and fall of a midwest princess'. go listen to 'casual' and cry. it's good for you!
warnings: nudity, suggestive (the most that occurs is a makeout, nothing more)
You hadn't been able to stop yourself.
Why couldn't you have just remained a normal friend, his best friend?
Why were you spending hours, analysing the simplest things that he did, things that made your heart flutter, scream, and slingshot all the way to the moon and back? Spin around Saturn, melt through the heat of the sun and settle back in your chest, a mess of thoughts and emotions, innocent and otherwise.
The way he ate the strawberry liquorice he loved so much; his pink tongue pointed and sticking out occasionally to brush his lower lip as he savoured the candy.
The way he'd drag you home with him almost each night after school, hand you a cherry cola, and you'd spend hours playing video games and talking and laughing. Sometimes, Jisung would join you, but those evenings you got Jeongin all to yourself were something you treasured. And sometimes, those nights would end with more than just you kissing him on the cheek goodbye. Some mornings, you’d wake up, sprawled across his chest, the ghost of his lips on your neck, and the aching feeling of missing something. The feeling that even if he held your hand all the way to school, where you’d enter class together and apologise in unison for being late, he could slip away oh so easily.
The way he had made a habit of sketching little stars in a blue ballpoint pen around the few freckles that dotted your arm.
You looked down at your skin. There were still faded sketches dotting your arm, blue ink melting into your skin. Ghosts of the drawings he’d done yesterday; slowly disappearing but still very much so there.
Of course there were other girls. Girls who’d message him day after day, ask for his Snapchat, stick post-it notes onto his locker and cling to his arm in the hallway.
He tried not to pay too much attention to them; the occasional smile and ‘hey’, not to be rude, not to be unkind, but never responding to their affection, to their endless babble.
Jeongin was made to be a high school crush. He had bleached hair with the slightest hint of pink to it, sharp, fox-like features, contrasting wildly with his soft, dimpled cheeks, frequently flushed with a peach tinge.
You sometimes wondered why he gave you the time of day. Jeongin, although he wasn’t necessarily the most popular guy, was known across your grade and even the years above. He was older than almost everyone in the year level; an early birthday had originally granted him a move up to twelfth grade, but he’d opted against it. His friends were all in the year above, and whilst he still sometimes sat with them at break times, he’d decided to go for you.
“He hardly sits with us anymore,” Jisung mumbled to you, after Jeongin had passed out on the couch, head in your lap, arms around your waist.
“I know. I keep asking him why. He says he sees you guys enough.”
Jisung looked down at Jeongin’s babyish expression as he slept, face pressed against your stomach. “Or he’s in love with you,” Jisung had reasoned, ruffling your hair and giving Jeongin’s arm a pinch before leaving.
You’d looked down at the pile of Jeongin lying before you; sleepy, clingy and oh so angelic. His features looked softer in the dim light, and his eyelashes fluttered every few seconds.
Every soft breath against your stomach made your heart swell, and you wished, just for a moment, that he’d say it out loud. Admit to it.
There were times where you were almost certain. Ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent. Catching him staring at you from your vanity mirror as you did your eyeliner, his hands slipping around your waist as you sat on the bathroom counter bleaching his hair, the soft kisses to your cheek that he’d offer you when you were crying.
That wasn’t platonic, was it? It couldn’t be.
You looked down at your arms, admiring the faded stars again. There was one in particular, a little larger than the rest. It wasn’t really a star anymore. His hand must have slipped. You craned your neck a little closer, getting a better look at the smudge of blue ink.
A heart.
You breathed out a little, and Jeongin’s eyes fluttered open.
You stroked his hair softly, hoping he’d fall back asleep, but he sat up, looking into your eyes.
You felt so overwhelmed by him, but in the most beautiful way possible. By his sparkling eyes and his sweet face, the soft scent of his skin, and finally,
His lips on yours.
The way they moved in harmony, the way his tongue slipped in gently, not dominating your mouth, but exploring it. Curiously, like he wanted to get to know the parts of you that he hadn’t been able to. The parts that exceeded the confines of platonic love.
His hands were on your cheeks, your shoulders, your hips, your waist, gentle, fluid movements that sent shivers down your spine. There was a calm desperation about his actions, a need to search for more, to find another patch of skin he hadn’t seen or ran his fingers across yet.
And when the two of you broke apart in a daze, chests heaving, sweat glossing over your skin, he hooked his fingers through the straps of your camisole, looking at you intently and giving you a moment to protest. When you nodded eagerly, he pulled off your tank top with one movement, one hand on the fabric, the other smoothing your hair to avoid it getting tangled. But once it was off, he didn’t grope or squeeze or touch.
Not that he would've without making sure you wanted it, even if he felt sure. Ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent wasn't one hundred, after all. He wanted you to be sure, because he was sure. And he was sure as hell that he didn't want to hurt you, not when he had you like this.
Not when you struggled to keep your lovedrunk eyes open, exhaustion creeping through your veins.
So he laid your body down to rest on the sofa, chest-down, and pulled a blue-ink ballpoint pen from his back pocket.
“That tickles,” you giggled, squirming a little as Jeongin settled himself behind you and began drawing on your bare skin.
“I wanna give you all the stars, baby,” he mumbled, sketching. His fingers were hot but the metal tip of the pen was cool on your back. The patterns he traced and the galaxies he formed were soothing and repetitive, and you felt yourself drifting off.
And when you woke up, he was beside you, limbs wrapped around yours, lips pressed against your neck.
A faded imprint of the ink stars on your arms stamped onto his skin.
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