#but this shit be weird on so many levels
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It's dark and windy and rainy outside and I'm making myself sad about Syril Karn
#I know many of y'all hate him but#on a personal level his story rings as a tragedy in so many ways#so many people who should have loved him failed or left or hurt him#and there's so much emotion and dedication and determination in him and he has nowhere healthy to go with it#he's fallen in love-obsession with a woman who can never love him back#he'll pour everything he has into that relationship and into the Empire and it'll drain away like water through a sieve#GOD.#tony gilroy has said he has tremendous sympathy for syril and I mean. yeah. same.#poor guy is doomed on every conceivable level and I know he does some questionable and weird shit but he's not the worst man in Star Wars#syril karn
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Heya! Was this the piece you were talking about?
Seems to be from someone going by seyorrol
YES!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT YES THERE IT IS!!!! THANK YOU LOVE YOU YOU'RE AMAZING MWAH MWAH MWAH
#it looks like they're no longer on tumblr so no WONDER i couldnt find it!!#i vividly remember rb-ing from the original artist and checking their tags#bc my immediate thought seeing this was 'oh theyre fuckin lmao'#but then the notes were like 'theyre fighting'#but i checked the og tags and I Was Right <3#god this is SO FUCKING PRETTY#the details the sheer level of it w/o being cluttered#the colors the composition the Very unique subject of the work#the flow of motion the EVERYTHINGGGGGG#rambles from the bog#i have seen many a work of art but this one... man... it speaks to me somehow#i dont think i can put into words how it makes me feel#i look at this and sigh dreamily. Peak Art imo#its my kinda shit! maximalist! unique! 'weird'! abstract!#its the kind of artwork i'd stand and stare at for a prolonged length of time#and theres yk! a Story behind it!#i would love to know it....#found their deviantart all their stuff is Stunning#talk about a rich inner world holy shit...#WAIT wait wait wait can i get a link to the original image???
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youtube
Such a good video I found from Paul and Artie's 1982 tour of Japan!!
#the only reason i found this was because i had a VPN with my location set to Japan#this vid was uploaded like a month ago#i search for s&g and paul interviews i havent seen MULTIPLE times a day but youtube cant fathom putting this in my recommended??#i thought maybe it wasnt recommended to me before because it was blocked in countries outside of japan or smth#but no its perfectly visible in my country and the youtube algorithm is just useless as all hell#anyway theyre really cute in this#and i must say this is the only time ive seen paul being filmed at his eye level#and artie being filmed from a low angle because i suppose he's very tall by japanese standards#that was really funny to me#betcha paul was loving the feeling of being average height for once lmao#the interview is so sweet as well and i feel artie was REALLY flirting with the interviewer#how many striped shirts does paul simon own???#“paul was the funniest person i ever met” “artie was a good first-baseman” oH MY GOD PAUL#being zoomed in on artie while paul was doing some weird shit was criminal tho#baseball charade i presume#theyre so not normal#simon and garfunkel#simon & garfunkel#s&g#paul simon#art garfunkel#paul simon 80s#Youtube
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oh captain my captain i didn't know what league of legends game was when i watched arcane. so i thought the plot was alright since i didn't (still don't) know the game lore. if it wasn't basically a prequel story, trying to aim the characters at the way they are in canon, do u think the plot and character arcs would have held up alright? or does that actually make the arcane canon story worse since it wouldn't at least have the existing canon as something it needed to land at eventually as an excuse for any "out of character" decisions? thank u
i wouldnt even call it a prequel story? its like a very elaborate au in a sense, one that feels comfortable changing things to a certain extent- clothes, personality adjustments, motivations, but they still have to hit certain beats. vi has to be an enforcer, jinx has to be a wild card harley quinn type, ekkos time powers ect ect. idk WHAT it is maybe the show needed more time or tighter focus or less characters but i just felt that like, some of the story decisions directly relating to LoL lore werent outright bad but didnt have a lot of time to breathe. the standout example being ekkos time thing, where when i watched that scene i assumed it was both a stylistic representation of a fight and establishing his and jinx's prior relationship (which is kind of too little too late considering they did not fucking speak once as kids pre time skip), and then i had to get a friend to explain to me for SEVERAL MINUTES that he literally died during that fight and it was supposed to be showing his rewind thing. it just wasnt clear at all and his character would not change in the slightest if he didnt have it. but you cant NOT include it so. *
really i have no clue the full extent of the story the writers wanted to tell and how much LoL is binding their hands on story beats. and i REALLY dont want to be inflexible considering i still have a full season coming up that might make me more receptive to certain decisions. but considering how much of the cast i REALLY like just straight up are not in the game, i think they are fully capable of making a solid story completely divorced from league
*someone in the comments told me apparently that Wasnt his time thing and my original read of the scene was correct so im not gonna hold it against the show.
#basically anytime i was like huh thats weird#my friend would lean over and go thats league shit#and then i just kind of sit there. Huh#asks#Anonymous#obviously its a massive step up from league both aesthetics wise and like. as a cohesive narrative#i hate you vi undercut/dreadlocks you are so nasty#but i read like this short except drabble from her bio on the website and. look im sorry#i kind of like that she fucking sucks#it gives her a direction at least#like theyre trying to align arcane violet with the choices of a version of her that seems completely antithetical#but again i cant even get that deep into it we dont know how long her fucking enforcer phase will last!#a month? a year? who knows! we dont even know if she likes it#and LoL vi clearly revels in that kind of violence#idk something about her shittiness made her more engaging#whatever i hope in season two she loses so many fights its important to me actually#like its insane this is going to sound so fucking mean but i like her less bc she wins so goddamn much#i compare her to like. gideon nav obviously but also the protagonist of monkey man#and both of those things kind of emphasize those characters losing Hard. chapter 2 of gtn is her getting her ass beat#it just makes the wins later more satisfying#but idk maybe its supposed to be balanced by her emotional losses but the story feels so. removed from it?#spent like 7 years in prison we see none of it she comes out of there like she wasnt incarcerated in an adult facility since age 15#and now a girl she spent at the LONGEST a week with but probably closer tk 2-3 days is the same level of emotional import as her sister#SHAKING the writers i am not SOLD why is she LIKE THIS#cough. anyway
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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.
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can a girl ramble aboutthe way you can interpret so many parts of the propaganda and characterization of rhine by other the people/general populace of teyvat as people largely antagonizing neurodivergent traits without being chased with pitchforks and torches.
#FUCKKKK DSOMMEBODY HEAR ME.#YES. i know shes a not a good person.#but half the shit she's described with by other sources#is so obviouslye exaggerated based onwho she is and NOBODDIESSSS talking abt it#'cold and unfeeling' MY ASS. THIS WOMAN WAS TALKING ABOUT EATING MOLD FOR A GOOD FOUR PARAGRAPHS ITSNOT THAT DEEP#the way she clearly a ton of albedo's behaviours but i dont see anybodyyyyy talk about it and just demonize her for it#THE HEXENSUCCESORS ARE ALL PARELLELS TO THE HEXENLADIES. THATS THE POINT#THE FACT RHINE LARGELY MIRRORS ALBEDO IS NOT A COINCEDENCE OR WEIRD INTERPRETATION ON ANYONES END.#the fact many of the trait she CLEARLY shares with albedo are demonized... HELLO..............#mond propaganda book writer gets shot IMMEDIATELY#-> i dont know guys. Maybe its also the fact she's probably traumatized from the. yknow. CATACLYSM. that made her a worse than albed#just maybe!#its sooo established that neurodivergence leads people to cope with stress different... Hello............ can we talk about this.........#NO HATE. but if I wathced my nation got destroyed > and this loser twink knight said i should've protected everyone/ when even HE DIDNT/#i wouldd also spiral. AND THATS CLEARLY WAHT HAPPENED ON SOME LEVEL.#if you read her hexenbook excerpt she is. quite literallh just sarcastic. blunt. and not emotionally experessive#WHICH ALIGNS WITH THE EXAGGREATED TRAITS SHES LATER CHARACTERIZED AS???#she literally JUST got worse symptoms as a result of trauma. why are we playing it up like this. “Great Sinner” my ass she's a woman ins te#they're all sinenrs if you really think about it. THEYRE IN STEM#-> the way neurodivergent women are demonized for sooo many traits they have just because it doesn't fit the mold of being a 'good women'#NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT THIS. ITS MOND#THEYRE NOTABLY. NOT ALWAYS DOING THE BEST. WITH FREEDOM AND GOOD OPINIONS BC OF VENTI'S ABSENCESSSSSSSSSSSSS#NOSHIT THIS TAKE WOULD COME FROM THEM..... MAKE SOME SENSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#this is no hate because i love mond with alll my heart im just fucking insane over this. venti i love you#crepe rants
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trying to look for a ttrpg group in spaces where I can't just go 'listen I want to play this shit in the tumblr fandom kind of model (gay subtext extremely welcome bordering on essential, mutual unhinged character psychoanalysis, we could create a novel of a backstory together to make this sadder, let's all play with our OC dolls together and also sometimes dice are rolled I guess)' and be readily understood and/or not be immediately side-eyed or denigrated for my inherent unavoidable tumblerinaness feels like such an annoying debuff to deal with on the quest. like I know my people exist out there but how do I express myself in the right way and wade through all the copious not-it (not for me) dynamics to find them!!!
#I feel like a weird kid in the playground trying to find someone who plays the same way as me all over again fhdksjfa#(and if/when I find them -- how the fuck to approach them)#turns out there are so many ways to play rpgs that do not appeal to me in the slightest#there are so many dimensions -- creative interpersonal gameplay-wise -- where you can severely not match with someone lmao#with half of the people I've come across it seems like it would be a struggle just to agree there should be a session 0 :')#but I know I KNOW this could be exactly my kind of fun with the right people it's a little maddening#(my group of friends when I was 12-13 was like... we were trying SO hard to play an rpg without having an rpg to play#some from first principles but with no guidelines to help us stuff#and it was one of my rare 'oh fuck. oh fuck yeah this could be it!!' social moments at that time lol. clearly something instinctive there)#I have been lurking around in a discord server on a more national/local level but I'm not gonna lie... a lot of The Good Old Boys shit#dominating the conversation there. I really don't think they mean to take all the oxygen out of the room for everyone else but uh#it's kind of just what happens. I have seen seen hour-long debates over definitions so esoteric and navel-gazing it would haunt your dreams#trying to wade through that to find the people who might vibe more with me seems... so exhausting and I don't know howww!!#the high masking autistic blues plays again
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colin should 'suffer' for penelope
aka: 5 short reasons why wanting colin to 'suffer' or 'grovel' or whatever other bullshit this fandom keeps pulling is stupid and makes no sense and should have been buried ages ago, how is this still a thing?
1: it sets a terrible and unhealthy dynamic between an endgame couple
especially considering Polin's motif is that of a mirror, if Colin is expected to grovel or suffer for Penelope's affection and forgiveness, it only stands to reason that Penelope then, too, would have to reciprocate. how Penelope treats Colin's ills is setting the precedent for how he's expected to handle her own against him, of which there are many. giving him the cold shoulder, holding what he said over his head and rubbing it in his face, potentially not even explaining why she's upset at him: these are not signs of a mature woman ready for a marriage to ANYONE
2: Colin's slights against Penelope are considerably less harmful than Penelope's against Colin's and it makes no narrative sense for her to be on her high horse about it
'he ruined her prospects' 'he talked about her behind her back' 'he laughed at her' (we don't even know if that one's true, frankly speaking)
but Penelope did the exact same to him and she did so first. Please remember that Penelope is the reason Colin and Marina broke up, and it was her express goal the entire time. Penelope humiliated Colin and Marina both by exposing them publicly (not to mention rubbed the salt into the wound for days afterward). Penelope didn't even think about Colin's feelings because she tried to confess her crush on him immediately after his engagement went poof. Penelope holding Colin accountable for what he said without herself recognizing the ways in which she's hurt him, too, makes her out to be a hella hypocrite
3: it's weirdly catholic on main?
love isn't about suffering points or penance or guilt and i'm tired of Christianity pervading every damn thing. sorry not sorry, some of us want an actually fulfilling love story
4: y'all are just mad Colin didn't love Penelope back from jump and it's a revenge fantasy
which, fine, that's what fanfic is for, but it's OOC, y'all are aware of that, right? because if he DID want her from the start, we all know that it wouldn't be Polin? why are you shipping a friends to lovers ship if you INSIST that the friends to lovers dynamic is less than? guess what? unreciprocated love is kind of part of the deal. you don't hold a grudge against your friend for not loving you back immediately. Colin shows he cares about Penelope in SO MANY WAYS that somehow are completely invalidated because it isn't meant to be romantic? imma say it: fuck you if you think that way. friendships are important and beautiful and deep and fulfilling with or without romance. Colin sticking his neck out for Penelope to help her family from Jack's scheme? an act of love. Colin sending Penelope letters after her father passed? act of love. Colin telling Penelope she's 'really very good' and holding her hand in appreciation of her coming to talk to him? act of love. if you think those acts of love mean nothing just because he isn't fucking her seven ways to sunday, maybe analyze your own viewpoint of relationships and ship Pen w/ some random stranger who makes heart eyes at her tits from jump
5: it makes Penelope an asshole to her own long term partner
dude, if a friend of mine insisted I crawl on hands and knees to determine whether they want me back in their lives, i don't want to be around that person? so many of these narratives make Penelope a straight up terrible person. if you want your partner to suffer? you probably don't actually like them very much, but Polin is narratively MEANT to be the couple that likes AND loves one another. be real, if your friend ghosted you for months, gave you the cold shoulder when you tried to talk again, treated you like shit (you can't argue that him 'suffering' isn't treating him like shit in some way shape or form) as you tried to apologize, and then you find out that she was the reason you and your ex broke up and she wrote straight up nasty things about your family for YEARS, you would want absolutely nothing to do with that friend. why should Colin be expected to be any different? do these two not deserve a lovely love story built on love and affection and trust and honesty? a healthy happy relationship in which they see one another and appreciate one another for all they are? no? so why do you ship them?
+1: it's oversaturated in this fandom
polin is a fantastic ship. how is THIS their main trope?
find a new fucking idea, PLEASE
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#dude i have so many more#it's OOC for both of them#it strips colin of his character (and let's be real this fandom has proven they don't give a shit about him anyway)#it continues to open the door for weird crack and sideships this fandom is strangely obsessed with#why is it weird that when i say i ship Polin i mean i ship POLIN#like. . .exclusively. as my otp. i don't give a SHIT about your dumb pen/oc or whatever bullshit crackship y'all pulled out your arses#it's BORING#there are at least five other people ahead of colin who should be apologizing for their actions to their love interest#like. . .you do realize one them literally almost married his wife's sister yes????#what exactly does colin have to 'grovel' for?#'oh the groveling gentleman is a popular trope and colin and penelope are a good match for it'#when anthony is RIGHT THERE????#on a meta level it's been noticed for ages that polin doesn't have any or very little love for Colin#there are other ships that step to BAT for their couples and we're here constantly shitting on half our OTP#you don't have to put down one half of your ship to make the other half desirable#they literally live a love story#OBVIOUSLY he's gonna make her feel desirable#without having to be treated poorly whilst doing so#could i just shut up about this dumb trope? maybe so#but i am first and foremost: a hater
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the one major benefit to how long running transformers is is that older fans will cycle out and new ones will come in. a massive relief cuz jesus christ there were a lot of weird fans
#let it be known i hate noncon very intensely and so so so many ppl were into it#that and just popularizing the weirdest shittiest takes#rungs everything got ruined by ppl who just made up a new character with his face slapped on#that weird as shit tfa fan who was rly into yaoi trope level megop and was also really shitty to bulkhead#god so many of them have moved on and GOOD RIDDANCE#skeletal chatter
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I understand where you're coming from about Chappell, I really do, but cmon dude. She's been working so hard for 10 years and now she finally gets an opportunity to perform at the VMAs? Can you imagine turning something like that down? It's not her fault at all, it's her management, but it's a human error at the end of the day. She's human, she's bound to make mistakes. I understand how disappointed and upset you must feel not being able to see her but she can always come back to Paris another time, there's only one VMAs. No hard feelings, peace and love ❤🧡🤍💘💜 (Also be kind to Chappell please)
Oh buddy I'm sorry but I'm not going to be nice to this one. And trust me I mean it when I say I'm sorry because you don't seem like you want to start anything, but I'm not okay. I'm not at all and I need to vent, and it's not gonna be structured.
I have been her fan for years, okay ? I was here before good luck babe, before TRAFOAMP. So don't come at me saying I don't know she was skyrocketed to fame. I do not put her on a pedestal, if anything I'd say it's people like you saying she is so right to do what she does and is taking the best decision for her career that glorify her every moves. She did something I think is shitty I criticize her.
Also fuck you man I didn't turn on her, the fuck?? I defended her like crazy when she put out her statement about her right to privacy, don't mix me with this bag. I criticize what is to be criticized, and yes, I'm especially passionate on this case because I'm involved, as every human being is more touched when he's literally touched!
"There will be other shows", yeah, now that she reached superstardom and there's no way to ever see her again for a reasonable price. Of course canceling shows in small venues is worth it for her, but devastating to me and people who were lucky to get those tickets. And what a stupid argument it is, and, sorry, that really makes me think you must be American, or at best British. Because those people are the only one who do not get how it's just not true to state "You can just go to another show" My city and my country don't get 5 shows a week! And I'm still way luckier than Asian or African concert enjoyers so I feel bad for complaining when I know some have it worse so how about you stop with your ""advices"""?
Once again she can cancel shows like she wants, but I do not have to agree with it. I very personally in my very humble opinion think it's shitty behavior to cancel shows your fans who always supported you were so excited to attend just to go to the...VMAs? Man who cares about the VMAs?? It's not the grammys! Who remembers what song or what artist got what prize at the vmas for real ???
"It's not her it's her management" STOP INFANTALIZING GROWN UP WOMEN. She CANCELLED shows. She cancelled events that were supposed to take place in less than a week and were planned for a year! She had WEEKS to plan this and waited last minute. She made her choice and in a very poor way. And I'm mad about it, yes. That is undisputably unfair to those who paid to see a show to have it cancelled for her to go promote her songs on American tv.
I fucking know she's not plotting against me, when the hell did I accuse her of that ? She did something that is for me a disgusting choice for an artist, but a good choice for a business woman. But I'm not one to praise business women, so she made an artistic decision that sucks.
I'm so tired of fandoms being so against the bare minimum of criticism now. I will always criticize my favorite artists' decisions. This is normal behavior. You all defending her every moves is not. I've never been mean to Chappell or any other artist I'm expressing a criticism toward. I'm expressing disappointment. And like anyone who feels wronged it hurts bloody hard when you see people (not concerned at all) saying you're whiny and mean. Chappell said it herself, she's not my friend, she's an artist whose music I like. And now she's an artist who made a move I'm highly dissapointed by. I treat her like I would any other people I don't know. You all are the weirdos saying she's a "poor lesbian" who needs to "teach us a lesson". Get her own message through your head and treat her like a human being. Human beings can be shitty and yesterday she was very shitty.
#at first it just sucked on a personal level cause i was highly anticipating that show#i really needed it#but to learn it could be for the vmas??? that shit makes you feel worthless let me tell you#i dont even know when or if I'll get a refund#I have so many things to plan lately already and I didnt need that#so I'm venting to get it out#then I see people say we are bitches for feeling wronged??#fuck you#I hate the decision chappell took and that's not weird or wrong of me#I'm not attacking her character I'm criticizing a choice again grow the ability to accept criticism#not even aimed at you but at a celebrity who will neber see either my criticism or your defense of her!!!#chappell roan#artist: chappell roan#olife#text#oli schist!#ask
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i reserve the right to talk shit about tanks who are somehow really bad at stone vigil, now.
#i was talking shit right before we ran it and then i was like u know. maybe i should wait until i don't kill us all#anyway i didn't kill us all i was right u have so much mitigation at that level i always assumed it was ass#based on how many tanks i get in there who just#are bad.#healers also but most of the bad i've seen in that dungeon specifically is tank related#why that dungeon specifically i DO not know.#it used to be weird and fun now it's just. a straight run through a bunch of scaly guys.#xiv blogging
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attention spans dont real lmao. nothing about the condition or support needs of yr adhd can be measured by measuring yr attention span because the nature of adhd is that attention span is incredibly variable. this is bc adhd is characterized by dopamine seeking behavior and not just a timer until we get bored and go on our phones
#attention span is also variable regardless of the perceived value of the activity#im sure i could pay attention longer scrolling tumblr than in a class. and in that scenario the class would be more valuable to me#but i also concentrate better on swimming (intense exercise) than busywork in school (serves no purpose to me)#thats to say that we arent stereotypical defiant kids who dont want to do anything but play video games#the internal experience of adhd is needing a higher level of motivation and satisfaction to initiate difficult tasks#so mundane things are almost always harder than for someone who doesnt have executive function#ill put it really bluntly. yes more so than usual. take cover#adhd isnt tiktok brain. some of us lose jobs over this shit. some of us cut ourselves over this shit. some of us cannot function.#it is not and will never be a 'man up and get off instagram reels' disorder. it will exist no matter what i do. adhd is part of me#and on many things the world needs to make concessions to us. sorry!#it may not seem like much from an outsiders perspective to 'build back yr attention span'#but when im constantly fucking up and constantly reminded of how my executive dysfunction + lack of focus hurt me#its kind of weird to think that building back my attention span hasnt occurred to me#dont remember who said this but if you dont feel the wind its blowing in yr direction#(this is not a rebuttal to a popular post this is my addition to the discourse about adhd surrounding it)
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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Bro I hate my PTSD!!!! What is going ON!!!
#My anxiety/stress levels have been so bad lately and my body just keeps flipping the fuck out on me#I can actually figure out some stuff that's triggering me which is all stuff that I need to get over/come to terms with because it's just#regular shit that my Trauma Brain Responses are turning into BAD SCARY BAD BAD SCARY even though it /isn't/ and we are /fine./#Slams My Head Into The Table#And some of it is stuff I can't even. I don't know! I can't tell! Part of forgetting so much stuff or having weird third person attachment#to so many of my life experiences/not understanding the emotions happening or even remembering how I felt in most of my life means#that I have no way to address/confront those things as I need to and I can't even properly tell what is important and what isn't !#What a nothing sort of rant this is
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bl fandom is so weird half of you are so determined not to have fun
#and this isn't just ofs this has been my experience across the board#SO much negativity some of you are never satisfied#or it's the stupidest most bad faith interpretations of ships and characters#(any time i shit on boston doesn't count ok. narratively speaking you're supposed to hate him)#watching dramas as ''homework''#calculating ''good'' kissing without any regards to character or kiss choreography#blaming actors on direction and storylines#complaining about tropes and/or not even noticing when they're being subverted#LIKE I COMPLAIN TOO AND I ANNOY MYSELF EVEN I'M BEING ANNOYING RIGHT NOW#but it is not on that level at all i rarely complain about the dramas themselves#(and it's usually something i have personal experience with that they're fucking up ie. neurology editing film printing etc)#look. there IS a fun way to be negative in fandom#you get to complain and be pettty with your friends#that's half my experience in the bleach fandom lmao#but it is so weird here#so many of you are so joyless and acting like you're in a competition to make everyone as miserable as you#anyway#fb
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