#but this is such a good quote it sparks joy)

[einsatzzz]

art time-lapse of this piece that i posted in IG b4 to try out doing reels. i really like how this turned out overall plus "yasashii suisei" (link for eng tl) really fit the vibes so im queueing this here too

[acourtofquestions]

"You'll come back," Manon said.

It sounded like more of a threat than anything

Dorian smirked. "Would you miss me if I didn't?"

Manon didn't reply. He didn't know why he expected her to.

He'd taken all of a step, when Asterin clasped his shoulder. "In and out, quick as you can," she warned him. "Take care of Narene." Worry indeed shone in the Second's gold-flecked black eyes. Dorian bowed his head. "With my life," he promised as he approached her mount and grasped the dangling reins. He didn't fail to miss the gratitude that softened Asterin's features. Or that Manon had already turned away from him.

A fool to start down this path with her. He should have known better.

The hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence.

From anticipation, she told herself. Of what she had to do.

Abraxos, unsurprisingly, found them within an hour, his reins sliced from the struggle he'd no doubt waged and won with Sorrel. He waited, however, beside Manon in silence, wholly focused upon the gate where Dorian and Narene had vanished.

Time dripped by. The king's sword was constant weight at her side. She cursed herself for needing to prove-to him, to herself-that she refused to let him go into Morath for practical, ordinary reasons. Erawan wasn't at the Ferian Gap. It'd be safer. Somewhat. But if the Matrons were there … That was why he'd gone. To learn if they were. To see if Petrah truly commanded the host there, and how many Ironteeth were present. He had not been trained as a spy, but he'd grown up in a court where people wielded smiles and clothes like weapons. He knew how to blend in, how to listen. How to make people see what they wished to see. She'd sent Elide into the dungeons of Morath, Darkness damn her. Sending the King of Adarlan into the Ferian Gap was no different.

It didn't stop her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened, scanning the sky. As if he heard something they couldn't.

And it was the joy that sparked in her mount's eyes that told her.

Moments later, Narene sailed toward them, making a lazy path over the mountains, a dark-haired, pale-skinned rider atop her. He'd truly been able to change parts of himself. Had made his face nearly unrecognizable. And kept it that way.

Asterin rushed toward the mare, and even Manon blinked as her Second threw her arms around Narene's neck. Holding her tight. The mare only leaned her head against Asterin's back and huffed.

Manon hadn't dwelled long on what she'd say.

And as the three hundred Ironteeth witches filed into the hall, some coming off their patrols, Manon half wondered if she should have. They watched her, watched the Thirteen, with a wary disdain.

Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir.

When all were gathered, Petrah, still standing in the doorway where she'd appeared, merely said, "My life debt for an audience, Blackbeak."

Manon swallowed, her tongue as dry as paper. Seated atop Abraxos, she could see every shifting movement in the crowd, the wide eyes or hands gripping swords.

"I will not tell you the particulars of who I am," Manon said at last. "For I think you have already heard them."

"Crochan bitch," someone spat.

Manon set her eyes on the Blackbeaks, stone-faced where the others bristled with hatred. It was for them she spoke, for them she had come here.

jacket, then hoisting up her white shirt. Rising in the stirrups to bare her scarred, brutalized abdomen. "She does not lie."

UNCLEAN

There, the word remained stamped. Would always be stamped.

"How many of you," Asterin called out, "have been similarly branded? By your Matron, by your coven leader? How many of you have had your stillborn witchlings burned before you might hold them?"

The silence that fell now was different from before. Shaking shuddering.

Manon glanced at the Thirteen to find tears in Ghislaine's eyes as she took in the brand on Asterin's womb. Tears in the eyes of all of them, who had not known. And it was for those tears, which Manon had never seen, that she faced the host again.

"You will be killed in this war, or after it. And you will never see our homeland again."

"What is it that you want, Blackbeak?" Petrah asked from the archway.

"Ride with us," Manon breathed. "Fly with us.

Against Morath. Against the people who would keep you from your homeland, your future." Murmuring broke out again. Manon pushed ahead, "An Ironteeth-Crochan alliance. Perhaps one to break our curse at last."

Again, that shuddering silence. Like a storm about to break Asterin sat back in the saddle, but kept her shirt open.

"The choice of how our people's future shall be shaped is yours," Manon told each of the witches assembled, all the Blackbeaks who might fly to war and never return. "But I will tell you this." Her hands shook, and she fisted them on her thighs. "There is a better world out there. And I have seen it."

Even the Thirteen looked toward her now.

"I have seen witch and human and Fae dwell together in peace. And it is not weakness to do so, but a strength. I have met kings and queens whose love for their kingdoms, their peoples, is so great that the self is secondary. Whose love for their people is so strong that even in the face of unthinkable odds, they do the impossible."

Manon lifted her chin. "You are my people. Whether my grandmother decrees it so or not, you are my people, and always will be. But I will fly against you, if need be, to ensure that there is a future for those who cannot fight for it themselves. Too long have we preyed on the weak, relished doing so. It is time that we became better than our foremothers." The words she had given the Thirteen months ago. "There is a better world out there," she said again. "And I will fight for it." She turned Abraxos away, toward the plunge behind them. "Will you?"

Manon nodded to Petrah. Eyes bright, the Heir only nodded back. They would be permitted to leave as they had arrived: unharmed.

So Manon nudged Abraxos, and he leaped into the sky, the Thirteen following suit.

Not a child of war. But of peace.

[auroras-void]

"[...] Assume your partner is a frictionless spherical cow [...]"

[goldfades]

oh, golden boy, you shined a light on our home; and at your best, you were magic, we were sold; so don't tell them what you told me; don't even tell them that you know me; i would rather burn forever, but you should know that i died slow, running through the halls of your haunted home; merry christmas, please don't call; merry christmas, i'm not yours at all ─── PAIGE BUECKERS

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 5.9k

⟢ ┈ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | you and paige had been the kind of love story everyone admired from afar: picture-perfect in the daylight, chaotic behind closed doors. it wasn't her fault, not entirely. paige had her own ghosts, shadows you couldn’t chase away. but this Christmas, as the snow falls in connecticut and the ache of her absence presses like a bruise against your ribs, you realize you can't keep bleeding for someone who won’t stop breaking.

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | SOULCRUSHING ANGST W/ NO HAPPY ENDING!! pazzi mention, paige being a PLAYER and descriptions of anger (directed at reader), manipulation (?), just overall angsty

⟢ ┈ 𝐞𝐯'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 | i've been listening to merry christmas, please don't call so i just HAD to make an angsty paige fic, i hope yall enjoy! (im so sorry for this fic)

There’s something profoundly cruel about December. The way it wraps the world in glitter and glassy snow, fooling you into believing anything could be beautiful if you squint hard enough. The kind of month where people hold hands and drink too-sweet cocoa, and you’re left standing under a streetlamp that flickers like a pulse—waiting for a call you know better than to answer.

You tuck your hands into your coat, biting back the cold. Connecticut is quieter than you remember, or maybe it’s just your corner of the city. Paige isn’t here to fill the space with that too-bright laughter that used to feel like sunshine and now feels like static in your chest.

The coffee shop across the street is closing for the night. You watch the barista flip the sign, your reflection ghosted in the fogged window. It looks like someone else—someone better, someone softer, someone who could’ve saved her.

But you couldn’t save Paige. Not from herself. Not from the carousel of pressure and pain that spins faster than either of you can jump off.

The two of you had been magnetic once. You couldn’t say it was perfect—it never was—but there had been a time when Paige made the air around her shimmer like heat on asphalt. Everyone wanted to be near her, but you were the one she chose. At least, that’s how it felt in the beginning.

The story of you and Paige wasn’t simple. It couldn’t be, not with how bright her world burned, how impossible it was to separate the good from the bad, the joy from the heartbreak. It all started with her charm—effortless and magnetic, the kind that made you believe she could do anything.

You met during her sophomore year at UConn, the same year her name became synonymous with excellence. She’d smile at you during study sessions, her sneakers squeaking against the gym floor as she absentmindedly dribbled a basketball while you worked on assignments. Her laugh was a sound you could pick out of a crowd, bright and airy, like it didn’t belong in a world this heavy.

The early days were golden. Paige had this way of making you feel like the only person in the room, her attention sharp and unwavering. She'd surprise you with late-night drives to nowhere, the car filled with the smell of takeout and the sound of her carefully curated playlists. She'd drape her hoodie over your shoulders when the Connecticut winters bit too hard, her hands brushing yours in a way that sent sparks down your spine.

She wasn’t just a basketball prodigy to you; she was Paige, the girl who could quote Parks and Recreation word for word, who cried during Marley & Me, who kissed you for the first time under a canopy of stars in a parking lot after a particularly grueling practice.

You learned quickly that loving Paige meant loving her ambition, her relentless drive. But it also meant loving her through her shadows—the doubt that crept in after a bad game, the pressure that clung to her like a second skin. At first, you thought you could handle it. You thought your steady presence could be her anchor.

But Paige’s world was intense, overwhelming, and sometimes suffocating. There were moments when she’d retreat into herself, shutting you out completely. Nights when she’d sit in silence for hours, staring at the wall, her thoughts a storm she refused to share.

“I’m fine,” she’d say, her voice clipped, whenever you tried to reach her. “It’s just basketball. It’s nothing.”

But it wasn’t nothing, and you knew it. It was the weight of the world on her shoulders, the unspoken expectation to be perfect, to never falter. And sometimes, that weight turned her into someone you didn’t recognize—distant, sharp-edged, unreachable.

There were good days, though. The kind of days that made you believe you could weather anything together. The way she’d look at you like you hung the moon after a big win, her joy infectious and radiant. The soft kisses she’d press to your forehead when she thought you were asleep, the whispered promises that everything would be okay.

But the cracks in the foundation grew wider as time went on. Paige didn’t know how to lean on you—didn’t know how to share the parts of herself that weren’t shiny and triumphant. And you, in turn, didn’t know how to break through the walls she built so carefully around her heart.

The arguments started small: missed dates, unanswered texts, her constant insistence that she “needed space.” But they grew sharper, uglier, as the stress of her career bled into every corner of her life. You tried to be patient, to understand that her world was chaotic in ways yours wasn’t.

“I’m trying,” you told her one night, your voice breaking after yet another fight about her shutting you out. “But I can’t keep doing this if you won’t let me in.”

Her response was cold, distant: “Maybe I don’t need you to fix everything for me.”

It was the beginning of the end.

The good moments became fewer, swallowed whole by the tension that never seemed to fade. Paige became harder to reach, her laughter rarer, her smiles strained. She’d come home late, exhausted and short-tempered, and you’d sit across from her at the kitchen table, wondering when you stopped feeling like her partner and started feeling like a stranger.

And love, real love, isn’t just about the good moments.

The cracks began to show in small ways. The way she’d go silent when you asked how she was really feeling after a rough game. The forced smile she’d wear in public, only to collapse into your arms behind closed doors, her exhaustion radiating off her in waves. Paige didn’t talk about the pressure—not really. She’d shrug it off with a joke or brush it aside with a kiss, but you could feel it in the way she clenched her fists when she thought no one was looking.

And then there was the anger.

It didn’t show up at first, not in ways you could name. Paige was too composed, too practiced at keeping herself in check, her emotions folded neatly into the corners of her well-rehearsed smile. But over time, the cracks in her composure grew sharper, splintering into moments she couldn’t quite hide.

You remember the first time it caught you off guard. It was late November, and the two of you were walking back to her apartment after a grueling game. Paige had played well—at least, that’s what everyone kept telling her. She’d drained three-pointers with a precision that seemed almost effortless, threading passes that left defenders spinning. But it wasn’t enough. It was never enough for Paige.

“I should’ve done more,” she muttered, her voice low but heavy with frustration. You glanced at her, confused.

“Paige, you scored 26 points,” you said, trying to lighten the mood. “I think that qualifies as doing more.”

She stopped walking, her breath fogging in the cold air. Her jaw clenched.

“You don’t get it,” she snapped, and the sharpness in her voice cut through you like a knife.

You blinked, taken aback. “Then help me get it,” you said carefully, stepping closer. But she only shook her head, her hands buried deep in her pockets.

“Forget it,” she muttered, and the conversation ended there.

But the tension lingered.

It wasn’t always so direct. Sometimes it was the way she’d sigh too loudly when you asked her a simple question, or the way she’d press her fingers to her temples when you suggested she take a break. Other times, it was silence—the kind that stretched too long and settled too heavy between you, a chasm you didn’t know how to cross.

And yet, there were still moments of sweetness. Paige was never just one thing. She’d show up at your door with takeout after you’d had a rough day, or pull you onto the couch, wrapping you in her arms as though she could shield you from everything. She’d kiss the top of your head and whisper things like, “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” and for a while, you believed her.

But the anger didn’t go away. It grew, festering in the quiet corners of your relationship until it felt like a third presence in the room. It wasn’t directed at you—not always—but it seeped into everything.

You’d watch her pace the living room after a game, her movements restless and sharp, her hands running through her hair. She’d mutter under her breath about missed shots, bad calls, and how the team deserved better. You tried to comfort her, to remind her that she was enough, but your words never seemed to stick.

“Stop,” she’d say, cutting you off mid-sentence. “You don’t have to fix this. Just… let me be.”

You told yourself it wasn’t personal. That she wasn’t mad at you, but at the weight she carried, the expectations that pressed down on her until she couldn’t breathe. And yet, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were becoming collateral damage.

The fights started small—little disagreements over nothing. Where to eat, what movie to watch, whether she could manage to take one damn day off. But they escalated quickly, her voice rising in frustration, yours trying to keep up.

“I’m trying to help you,” you said one night, your voice cracking under the strain.

“I didn’t ask for your help,” she shot back, her eyes blazing. “You think you can just fix everything? Newsflash: you can’t.”

Her words hit you harder than they should have. Maybe because deep down, you’d started to believe she was right.

The nights after those fights were the hardest. You’d lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, the silence between you louder than any argument. Paige would sit on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands, the weight of her regret pressing her down. She never apologized—not with words, anyway. Her apologies came in the form of a soft kiss on your shoulder, a whispered “goodnight” that barely reached your ears.

But you started to wonder if love was supposed to feel this heavy.

It wasn’t that you didn’t love her. God, you loved her. Even when she was angry, even when she pushed you away, even when the weight of her world started to crush you, too. But love wasn’t enough to keep you from drowning.

The night it all came crashing down, the snowstorm outside was unforgiving, a whiteout swallowing the world whole. You stood in Paige’s apartment, the dim light of her living room casting long, jagged shadows across the walls. The heater rattled and hissed, struggling to keep the space warm, but it couldn’t touch the frost between you.

Paige sat on the edge of the couch, her elbows resting on her knees, her hands gripping her hair so tightly you thought she might pull it out. Her breathing was uneven, each inhale sharp and jagged like broken glass.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said finally, her voice cracking on the last word.

You flinched at the sound, the weight of her statement hitting you square in the chest. It wasn’t the first time she’d said something like that, but tonight it felt different. Final.

“What does that mean?” you asked, your own voice trembling despite your best efforts to steady it.

She looked up at you then, her eyes red-rimmed and glassy, her face a mask of exhaustion. “It means I’m tired,” she said. “Of… of everything. Of trying to be everything for everyone and failing every single time.”

“Paige,” you began, stepping closer, but she held up a hand to stop you.

“Don’t,” she said sharply, and the venom in her voice made you stop in your tracks.

“I’m not one of them,” you said, your tone soft but firm. “I’m not asking you to be perfect, Paige. I’ve never asked that of you.”

She laughed bitterly, the sound so hollow it made your stomach churn. “But you expect me to be okay,” she said, her words like knives. “You expect me to keep it together, to let you in, to… to lean on you like that’s supposed to fix anything.”

“Is that such a terrible thing?” you shot back, your frustration bubbling to the surface. “To want you to let me help? To not have to feel like I’m walking on eggshells every second I’m around you?”

Paige stood abruptly, her sudden movement startling you. “You don’t get it,” she said, her voice rising. “You’ll never get it. You don’t know what it’s like to have the whole damn world waiting for you to screw up. To know that no matter what you do, it’s never gonna be enough.”

Her words hung in the air like a challenge, daring you to respond.

“You’re right,” you said after a long pause, your voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t get it. I don’t know what it’s like to be you. But I do know what it’s like to love you, and to feel like I’m not enough for you.”

Paige’s breath hitched, and for a moment, she looked at you like she wanted to say something. But then her expression hardened, her walls slamming back into place.

“Maybe you’re not,” she said, the words so quiet they almost didn’t register. Almost.

You froze, your heart dropping into your stomach. “What?”

Her eyes were cold now, her shoulders tense. “Maybe you’re not enough,” she repeated, louder this time. “Because if you were, I wouldn’t feel like this all the time. I wouldn’t—” She stopped herself, shaking her head as if trying to clear it. “Forget it.”

“No,” you said, your voice shaking with a mix of anger and heartbreak. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say something like that and then just walk away.”

Paige turned away from you, running a hand through her hair. “I didn’t mean it,” she muttered, but the damage was already done.

“Yes, you did,” you said, and the finality in your tone made her turn back to face you. “You meant it, Paige. And maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not enough for you. But I’ve been trying. I’ve been here, through everything, while you’ve been pushing me away and blaming me for things I can’t control.”

She didn’t respond, her jaw clenched so tightly you could see the tension in her neck.

“You want to be alone so badly?” you said, your voice breaking. “Fine. Be alone. I’m done trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Paige didn’t move, didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at you. And that silence said more than words ever could.

You grabbed your coat, your movements mechanical as you headed for the door. Your fingers fumbled with the handle, but before you stepped out into the freezing night, you turned back one last time.

“I loved you,” you said, your voice trembling. “I hope you know that.”

And then you left.

The cold hit you like a slap in the face, but it didn’t compare to the hollow ache in your chest. You walked away from her building, your breaths coming out in shaky puffs of air, your eyes stinging with unshed tears.

You didn’t look back. You couldn’t.

But as you disappeared into the snowstorm, you couldn’t shake the image of Paige standing in that living room, alone with her anger and the ghosts she refused to let go of.

It was summer in Connecticut, the kind of evening where the world seemed to hold its breath, suspended in a twilight haze. The sky was streaked with pink and gold, casting a warm, nostalgic glow over the small lake where Paige had driven you after practice. She had her hand on the back of your neck, her thumb tracing lazy circles over your skin as you leaned against her car, watching the water ripple in the breeze.

“This is the spot,” she murmured, her voice low, almost reverent.

“The spot for what?” you asked, turning to face her.

“For when it gets too heavy.”

Paige rarely talked about the weight she carried—her expectations, her relentless drive to be more, to be better. But you could feel it in her sometimes, the way she’d go quiet after games or the way her smile would falter when she thought no one was looking.

You followed her gaze out over the lake. It was still, reflecting the sky like a mirror, and for a moment, the world felt smaller, safer. Paige tilted her head back against the car, her eyes closing as she took a deep breath.

“You ever feel like you’re just… spinning?” she asked softly.

“Like everything’s moving too fast, and you can’t get off?”

She opened one eye, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Yeah, like that.”

You laughed, the sound breaking through the stillness like the first notes of a song. “All the time.”

Paige turned to you then, really turned, her gaze heavy and intense in that way that always made your heart stutter. She reached out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Her hand lingered, her fingertips brushing against your cheek.

“You make it stop,” she said, so quietly you almost missed it.

“Make what stop?”

“This,” she gestured vaguely, her other hand cutting through the air like she was trying to grab hold of something intangible. “The spinning. The noise.”

Her eyes locked onto yours, and in that moment, you felt the full weight of her, the vulnerability she rarely let anyone see. Paige Bueckers—the golden girl, the superstar—looked at you like you were the only thing holding her together.

And maybe you were.

She leaned in, pressing her forehead to yours. “Sometimes I feel like I’m on this carousel, you know? Like I can’t get off, even when I want to. But when I’m with you…”

You swallowed hard, your throat tight. “When you’re with me, what?”

“I forget about it,” she said, her voice cracking just a little. “I forget about everything else.”

You stayed like that for what felt like forever, the two of you wrapped in a quiet moment that felt too fragile to last. Paige’s hand moved to your waist, pulling you closer until there was nothing between you but the soft rise and fall of your breaths.

“Promise me something,” she whispered, her lips brushing against your temple.

“Anything.”

“Don’t leave. No matter how bad it gets, don’t leave.”

You pulled back just enough to meet her eyes, your heart breaking at the vulnerability etched across her face. “I won’t,” you said, the words heavy with meaning.

Paige kissed you then, slow and deep, her hands framing your face like you were something sacred. And for a moment, the world did stop spinning.

Later, when the sun had dipped below the horizon and the stars began to flicker into view, you lay on the hood of her car, her arm wrapped tightly around you. She traced constellations in the sky with her finger, whispering their names like secrets only you were meant to hear.

It was moments like this that made leaving unthinkable. Paige could be selfish, distant, and infuriating, but she was also this—the girl who made you feel like the center of her universe, if only for a little while.

And that’s why, even now, with the carousel spinning faster than ever, you knew that if she called, you’d pick up. You’d step back into the whirlwind, the heavy gaze, the endless cycle.

Because Paige had a way of making you believe in the calm between storms, in the stillness of a summer night by a lake that felt like it belonged only to you.

Paige had this way about her—a pull that felt almost gravitational. It wasn’t just her talent, though that was undeniable. It wasn’t even her looks, though you’d be lying if you said her golden hair and sharp blue eyes didn’t make your stomach flip every time she turned that full-force charm your way. It was something deeper, something intangible. Paige made you feel seen, even when you didn’t want to be. Especially when you didn’t want to be.

She’d waltz into a room like she owned it, every movement effortless, every smile calculated but somehow still genuine. Paige Bueckers had the kind of confidence that bordered on arrogance, but with you, it softened. She let you see behind the curtain—the cracks in her armor, the moments when the golden girl wasn’t so golden.

And God, those moments were everything.

You remember one night in particular, when the weight of everything had been too much for her. The team had just lost a game they were expected to win, and Paige had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire bus ride back. You’d waited until everyone else had cleared out of the locker room before approaching her, unsure if she even wanted you there.

But the second she saw you, something in her crumbled.

“I can’t,” she’d whispered, her voice shaking as she sank onto the bench. “I can’t keep doing this.”

You didn’t say anything, just sat down beside her and pulled her into your arms. She clung to you like a lifeline, her tears soaking into your shirt as you ran your fingers through her hair, whispering soft reassurances.

It was moments like that when you realized just how deeply Paige had wormed her way into your heart. She wasn’t just the superstar everyone else saw; she was vulnerable, complicated, and so achingly human. And she trusted you with that side of her—a side no one else got to see.

But it wasn’t just the heavy moments that kept you tied to her. It was the good ones, too—the nights she’d show up at your door unannounced with takeout and a goofy grin, insisting that you needed a break from studying. The way she’d drag you to the park at midnight just to lay on the grass and stargaze, her hand intertwined with yours as she pointed out constellations you’d never heard of.

It was the way she looked at you, like you were the only thing in the world that made sense.

Paige had a way of making every moment feel electric. When she kissed you, it wasn’t just a kiss—it was an event. Her hands would cradle your face like you were made of glass, her lips moving against yours with a tenderness that made your knees weak. And when she smiled at you afterward, that lazy, lopsided grin that was so uniquely hers, it felt like the world had been set right again.

You knew it wasn’t healthy. Paige could be selfish, possessive even. She wanted you on her terms, when it was convenient for her, when she needed someone to hold her up. And you let her, because when Paige loved you—even if it was only halfway—it felt like the sun had risen just for you.

You told yourself that you were the one who truly knew her, the one who saw the real Paige beneath the accolades and the golden glow. And maybe that was true. But knowing her didn’t make it hurt any less when she started to pull away.

Because Paige Bueckers had a chokehold on you, and no matter how much you wanted to let go, you knew you never really could. Even now, with everything that had happened, all it would take was one call, one look, and you’d be hers again, no questions asked.

That was the thing about Paige—she was a storm, unpredictable and destructive, but you couldn’t help but stand in the rain, hoping for just a little more sunlight.

The air was thick with warmth and laughter, the kind of joy that buzzed around a room full of people who felt like family. Paige had insisted you come to the team hangout, her eyes softening in that way that always made it impossible to say no.

"It'll be fun," she had promised, lacing her fingers through yours. "And Azzi will be there, so you won't feel out of place."

You swallowed back the irony now, standing on the fringes of the crowded living room as Paige and Azzi shared a quiet laugh across the room. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen them together, their bond growing closer in ways that should’ve been comforting. It should have made you feel secure—Paige having someone who understood her world, who could shoulder the weight of the same pressures.

But it didn’t.

It hurt.

Azzi’s laugh was the same pitch as Paige’s, soft and genuine. The way Paige leaned in when she spoke, her eyes crinkling at the corners, was painfully familiar. You’d seen that look a thousand times before—directed at you. Once.

You stayed pressed against the wall, your drink warming in your hand as you watched them. It wasn’t just the way they talked, like no one else was in the room, or the casual touch of Paige’s hand against Azzi’s arm. It was the comfort, the ease. The way Paige smiled at her, unguarded and free.

You’d been here before. In the passenger seat of her car during late-night drives. On her couch, curled up with her hoodie draped around your shoulders. Sharing secrets that felt too heavy to speak aloud. It was supposed to be your safe space—yours and Paige’s.

Now, watching her light up for someone else, you couldn’t help but feel like a ghost. A witness to something that wasn’t meant for you anymore.

Azzi said something that made Paige throw her head back in laughter, her hand brushing Azzi’s knee as she doubled over. The sound echoed in your chest like a bullet ricocheting off hollow walls.

And you died slow.

The walls of this house weren’t hers, but they may as well have been. Paige had a way of haunting every space she occupied, leaving pieces of herself in every laugh, every look, every touch. But tonight, it felt like you weren’t welcome in the hallways of her haunted home. You were an intruder in a space you used to know intimately.

The toughest part wasn’t the way she drifted to Azzi like a planet pulled into a stronger orbit. It was the fact that you both knew exactly why it was happening. Paige wasn’t trying to hurt you, not intentionally. She was finding something she needed—something you couldn’t give her anymore.

And it crushed you, knowing she wasn’t the person everyone else thought she was. She wasn’t just the golden girl with the easy smile and the killer jump shot. You knew the sharp edges, the flaws she tried to bury under layers of charm. The way she’d lash out when she was scared, the selfishness that reared its head when she felt cornered.

You knew her. Really knew her. And you still stayed.

Stayed when she’d shut you out after a bad game, refusing to talk for days. Stayed when her ambition left no room for you, when she forgot birthdays and date nights and promises. Stayed because Paige wasn’t just the bad parts.

She was also the Paige who kissed your knuckles when you cried, who brought you flowers "just because." The Paige who whispered “I love you” like it was a secret meant only for you.

But now, watching her laugh with Azzi, you wondered if you’d stayed too long. If you’d held onto someone who wasn’t yours anymore.

Paige glanced over, catching your eye for a brief moment. She smiled—polite, distant. And then she turned back to Azzi, her attention snapping back like a rubber band.

It hit you then, the final blow.

Paige’s world had shifted, and you weren’t the center of it anymore. You were the afterthought. A memory of a time when she was still figuring out how to carry the weight of her life.

And for the first time, you let yourself wonder if maybe Paige wasn’t yours at all. Maybe she never really had been.

There’s a cruel intimacy to grief. The way it finds you in the smallest moments, in the cracks of your routine, in the way the wind moves through the trees or how a song starts playing in a grocery store. Paige is everywhere in Connecticut. Or maybe she’s everywhere in you.

You tried to move on. God, you really did.

At first, it was sheer force of will. You buried yourself in work, in plans with friends who didn’t know Paige beyond the headlines. You deleted her photos off your phone, shoved her sweatshirt to the back of your closet where the scent of her—a mix of fresh linen and something indefinable—couldn’t haunt you.

But grief has a way of sneaking back in. It wasn’t the big things that unraveled you; it was the little ones. The way every basketball game you flipped past felt like her shadow. The sound of laughter at a bar that hit the same pitch as hers, making your chest tighten with phantom warmth.

And God help you, it was the moments when you wanted to hate her but couldn’t. Not when you’d catch yourself remembering how she used to light up at the simplest things—pancakes on a lazy morning, a dumb joke that wasn’t funny but made her laugh so hard she’d double over.

Then there were the rumors. Whispers and Instagram stories. Paige and Azzi—courtside banter turned into something more. The first time you saw it, you scoffed, dismissing it as gossip. Paige always had a way of pulling people into her orbit, Azzi included.

But then came the photos. Nothing overt, nothing scandalous. Just Paige leaning too close during post-game interviews. Azzi’s hand on her shoulder, casual but deliberate. They weren’t trying to hide it, but they weren’t broadcasting it either.

The night you saw it, you stared at your phone for too long, trying to decipher the ache in your chest. It wasn’t jealousy, not exactly. You hadn’t expected Paige to wait for you, not when she had the kind of life that moved at the speed of light. But it was the simplicity of it that hurt the most. The way Paige could give Azzi the pieces of herself you’d fought so hard to hold onto.

You spent the rest of that night curled up on your bed, scrolling through her photos until the light from your phone burned your eyes. By the time you fell asleep, the only thing you felt was exhaustion—the kind that settled in your bones and didn’t leave.

And now, it’s Christmas Eve.

You’re back in Connecticut, surrounded by family and the kind of warmth that’s supposed to feel comforting. But it doesn’t. Not entirely. The house is decked out in garlands and twinkling lights, your mom’s favorite holiday playlist drifting faintly from the kitchen. Your siblings are laughing over some board game you’ve never liked, and you’re standing by the window, watching the snow fall.

It’s quiet in your corner of the house. Too quiet.

The phone in your pocket buzzes. Once. Then again.

You don’t have to look to know who it is.

Paige’s number is burned into your memory, as familiar as your own name. Your chest tightens as you pull the phone out, the screen glowing with her name. It’s been a year since you last spoke. A year of awkward smiles at mutual friends’ events and polite nods when your paths crossed. A year of trying to forget the sound of her voice, the way she’d say your name like it was something precious.

You should answer. Or maybe you shouldn’t.

The buzzing stops, and you think it’s over. But then it starts again, more insistent this time. She doesn’t leave voicemails anymore. Just lets the silence hang in the air between calls.

Your hand hovers over the screen, your breath hitching as the familiar ache rises in your chest. You close your eyes, forcing yourself to focus on the cold seeping through the windowpane, on the distant sound of your family laughing.

When the buzzing stops again, you shove the phone back into your pocket.

Merry Christmas, Paige. But I can’t do this. Not tonight.

You turn away from the window, your heart heavy with the weight of all the things you’ll never say. The snow keeps falling, covering the world in glitter and glassy silence. Paige is still everywhere, even when she isn’t. And you?

You’re still trying to move on. Still waiting for the day when the sound of her name doesn’t feel like a knife twisting in your chest.

The night stretches on, slow and agonizing, the kind of quiet that sinks into your skin and keeps you awake for all the wrong reasons. You sit by the fireplace long after your family has gone to bed, the flames casting dancing shadows on the walls. Your phone sits heavy on the armrest, as if its weight could pull you under.

You wonder what she wanted to say.

Paige wasn’t one for grand gestures, not outside the court. She wasn’t the type to pour her heart out over the phone, but you knew her well enough to read between the lines, to decipher the emotions she couldn’t put into words. And that was the worst part—knowing that whatever it was she wanted to say, it would hurt.

She’d moved on. You were sure of it. Azzi filled the space you used to occupy, and that should’ve been enough to keep Paige away. But here she was, her name lighting up your phone like some ghost that refused to rest.

You couldn’t stop yourself from picturing her—where she was, what she looked like tonight. Was she staring out her own window, watching the snow fall, her lips pressed into that familiar line of determination? Or was she somewhere loud and bright, surrounded by the buzz of life, calling you from the edges of a party she didn’t really want to be at?

The questions gnawed at you, each one another layer of hurt you couldn’t shake.

You thought about the last Christmas you’d spent together, curled up on the couch in her apartment, the world outside forgotten for a few stolen hours. Paige had draped an arm over your shoulders, her face buried in your neck as she mumbled something about how she wished every day could feel like that—quiet, safe, yours.

But nothing stayed quiet with Paige. She lived in a whirlwind, and you’d gotten caught in the eye of the storm. You let her pull you under because you thought, for a moment, that you could save her.

Instead, she left you drowning.

The fire crackles, breaking the silence, and you blink back the tears threatening to spill.

You reach for your phone, your thumb hovering over her name. It would be so easy to call her back, to let her voice fill the space between you. She’d say something half-apologetic, half-charming, and you’d forgive her like you always did, because how could you not?

But you don’t.

Instead, you turn the phone off and set it face-down on the table. The room feels emptier without its glow, but you welcome the darkness.

There’s something profoundly cruel about December. The way it promises joy wrapped in ribbons and snowflakes but leaves you colder than before. It’s a month of ghosts, of memories that slip through your fingers like frost.

And Paige? She’s the cruellest ghost of all.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[hotvintagepoll]

Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire (Top Hat, Swing Time, The Gay Divorcée)—When they danced, they made their character's thoughts visible, letting us in on their intimacy. A quote from a 1995 NYTimes article: "A kind of spontaneous combustion took place when they danced together; they enhanced each other, as all good couples do. Other actresses cast opposite Astaire were invariably drawn into his orbit, overwhelmed by his charm. Only Rogers held her ground."

Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh (Fire Over England, That Hamilton Woman)—That's a whole lot of beautiful in one on screen couple, and since both were stage actors they played passionate so well

This is round 2 of a mini tournament. Each poll lasts for three days. If you'd like to send additional propaganda supporting your favorite hot couple, you can reblog this post with your propaganda added, send it to my asks, or tag me in it. To vote in all the polls, click here. Happy holidays!

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut]

Fred and Ginger:

Oh my gosh, just watching them dance together. They can move around the floor like two parts of a whole, making incredibly difficult moves look effortlessly smooth. Or they can tap side by side, clearly equals, but with their own style. But, whether dancing or not, they make you believe their characters belong together when they're on the screen.

Why are they the hottest? They have so much chemistry when they're dancing together, even in plots where she doesn't like him at first there are always sparks when they're dancing, he's always down so bad for her in every single film, and their dancing is so energetic and so full of joy and so much fun to watch.

God Top Hat just…I cry a little watching Cheek to Cheek, they’re just so beautiful in that sequence

Olivier and Leigh:

[peppermintquartz]

Based on my ask and the reply from @so-that-was-okay

-

By the fourth one, it is clear to everyone that the guys Tommy happens to know are his exes or former dates.

Number 1: Cruise ship cook Mark is tall - six foot three - and as cheerful as a retriever, even when he had to be rescued from a mishap in a professional kitchen he borrowed for a YouTube video. At least he kept his cool and his hand safe - that meat grinder could have caused some very serious damage. And the moment he saw Buck, he exclaimed, "Oh my god, I've seen you, you're Tommy's boyfriend! How is he?" He loved telling Buck about Tommy's favorite dishes and even shared recipes with him. (Also the team got a free five-course meal out of it as thanks.)

Number 2: Geologist Hyun Ki was, again, tall, strong, and had a store of encyclopedic knowledge, specifically about cave structures. He was the guy Tommy recommended to advise if limestone was toxic to humans and also about how to best remove a stalagmite from their subject's posterior with minimal damage to the actual stalagmite, which had been illegally taken from a caving expedition and was to be evidence. Hyun Ki had not been pleased about the offender removing "a marvel of nature that took thousands of years to form and it's a STALAGMITE with a G for ground, you criminal moron, STALACTITES are the ones from the ceilings" to stick into his ass, and tells the team all about his various expeditions.

Number 3: Marine Biologist Bryan is tanned, blond, surfs on his days off, and built like a tank. He also smiles a great deal, greeting both Tommy and Buck warmly at the aquarium and then jumping in to assist when one of the new glass windows exploded. The 118 showed up, helped the aquarium to hustle the shocked visitors out and treat a kid who had been pressing his face to the glass just as it shattered while the aquarium staff did their best to rescue the fish that had fallen out of their tanks.

Number 4: Leg model Stephen had lean and elegant limbs, and was excellent at making jewelry and statues out of scrap metals. That was not the reason for calling on him; he had found his neighbor, who owned the scrapyard where Stephen got his materials, trapped under several steel car chassis, though one was keeping tons of metal from crushing him utterly. That had been tricky for the team, seeing it as high stakes Jenga. Buck and Stephen have a great chat once Stephen sees Buck's phone wallpaper, both commiserating over Tommy's inability to put a damn shirt on while doing something involving sparks or fire when at home.

-

"All those guys you know turned out to be your exes or failed dates," Buck says. He is more amused than anything else. Those guys were interesting and fun. If Buck had gone out with them, he'd have kept their contacts too and stayed friends. "And, Hen says, all are kinda like me. Or I'm kinda like them."

"Like you?"

"Tall, strong, good with hands, cheerful... It appears you have a type, Firefighter Kinard."

"Well, Firefighter Buckley, I honestly have never seen the similarities until this moment.*

Buck believes him. Tommy's only ever been honest with him, even when it's an uncomfortable truth. He props his chin on the middle of his boyfriend's chest and studies his handsome face. "Tommy?"

Tommy smiles fondly. "Yeah?"

"Will I ever be one of the guys you 'happen to know' for something?" He doesn't put in air quotes, trusting that Tommy has listened to him ramble often enough to understand what he's saying.

Tommy's smile softened. "I hope not. I want you to be my guy. The one guy of all the guys."

Buck's heart grows warm and light. "Yeah? What would I be the one guy for?"

Tommy's caress along his birthmark and jawline is achingly tender. "For the rest of my life."

For a split second Buck feels the world stop, and then it rights itself, and the weight of what Tommy's said sweeps joy over him like an unexpected wave.

But for a moment Tommy's smile falters. "I know it's too early for that," he murmurs, a little sheepish, "but I mean it."

Buck lunges forward and kisses the smile back on Tommy's face.

"I know. And, okay, maybe it is early, but for what it's worth? I want to be your guy," Buck affirms. He presses another kiss to Tommy's warm mouth, lingering and gentle, before he adds, "For the rest of our lives."

[misshoneyimhome]

But with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow I William Nylander & Matthew Knies - Part one

Summary; A quote by Hector Urquhart goes "One man's rubbish may be another's treasure" - however, what happens, when the first man realises that it wasn't rubbish after all?

Other notes: Hey there, babes! So, this idea sparked from the Woll x Knies threesome request, and I couldn't resist working more with the sweetest freshman 😉 Before we dive in, I want to give a quick shoutout to @couldawouldashoulda50 for being my co-pilot on this journey - Thanks for putting up with all my rambling 💓🙏🏼 Also, just a heads up, this will be posted in two (or maybe three) parts because it ended up being a bit longer than planned 🙃 So, without further delay, I hope you enjoy it!

Tropes & Warnings; William Nylander x Matthew Knies x reader, Friends to lovers; jealousy; 18+ smut; fingering, protected penetrative sex (p in v), mention of oral sex (f and m receiving);

Word count; 6K+

➼｡ﾟ

Your body felt numb, achy, and weak. Yet your mind was completely blissed out, soaring with ecstasy, and flooded with endorphins.

Breathing was difficult in the heavy air of the room, saturated with the scent of raw, passionate sex that hung in the air as the warmth between the two bodies flanking you enveloped you.

The memories of how you'd got here were hazy, yet there was no trace of regret. Your heart raced in your chest as tingles radiated through your core after the intense encounter. Yet, pure happiness surged through your veins, joy coursing through your bloodstream.

-

It was just before the season kicked off when you found yourself alone with William Nylander for the first time. During a night out in Toronto, the charming Swede caught your eye, and after a few minutes of exchanging glances, he finally made his way closer to you, effortlessly charming you with his dazzling blue eyes and cheeky smile.

You had moved to the city about a year ago, where your friendly and outgoing roommate had introduced you to some of her friends. Yet what she hadn't mentioned beforehand was that some of these friends happened to be players for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

You’d naturally tried to keep your cool and play the role of a casual friend whenever you were around the team and their social circles. And while you had gotten to know most of the guys on a friendly level, it never went beyond that.

That all changed on the night when you couldn't ignore the attraction you felt towards the Swedish hockey star. And when you shared a moment of connection amidst your mutual friends, you had a feeling that the night was going to be something special.

And you were right. William certainly made it a night to remember.

After a few more hours of chatting and occasional gentle touching, he edged in closer and whispered seductive words in your ear. His breath sent a shiver down your spine, and his words set off a tingling heat between your legs. There was simply no way you could resist him.

So, as soon as your roommate left with some random guy, quickly checking if you were okay to get home alone, you seized the opportunity to invite William back with you. To which he happily agreed.

Since both of you were mindful of the upcoming hockey schedule and the importance of staying in good shape, none of you had too much alcohol in the system, making you both aware of your actions.

And to say the sex was good would be an understatement. William took his time, starting with lots of kissing. His skilled mouth felt perfectly matched with yours, and as both of you became increasingly turned on and eager, he used his thick fingers to stimulate your core, stretching your entrance while circling your clit, ensuring you reached climax at least once.

Once you were wet and ready for him, he put on a condom and began slowly entering you in the missionary position. However, the tender, slow lovemaking didn't last long as the heat in your bedroom intensified. Both of you were too aroused to hold back, quickly transitioning to other positions.

First, you angled yourself on William's shoulder, allowing him to penetrate deeper and harder. Then, with both of your legs against his chest as he knelt back, he thrust into you vigorously.

At this point, your mind was already lost in a blissful haze as you gripped onto the pillowcase behind your head, and your muscles tightening around William's member. With each thrust, he stimulated your walls, bringing you closer and closer to orgasm.

And as he felt himself nearing climax as well, he released your legs, swiftly pulling out before using his strength to turn you onto your stomach. Lifting your buttocks slightly for better access, he entered you again, filling you up as he hit a different angle.

Your breaths were heavy, moans blending as his hips collided against your cheeks. Gripping the sheets beneath you, William's pounding drove you both over the edge into ecstasy, reaching climax simultaneously.

It had been uncomplicated yet deeply satisfying sex, far better than most first times with a new partner. It didn't feel rushed or impersonal; it was passionate and genuine, despite the absence of romance or deeper emotions. It was simply perfect. Your bodies had moved in sync, and both of you experienced profound pleasure.

However, after the wonderful one-night stand, William wanted to clarify that it was all it was to him – at least for now. While he knew he really liked you, he emphasised that this season he wouldn't have the time or energy to focus on dating. Instead, his priority would be his hockey career, so if the two of you were to continue anything, it would be limited to casual hook-ups and friendly get-togethers.

And, you didn't really have any objections. William was a good friend, someone you felt a connection with, and had shared interests with. Moreover, he was exceptionally attractive, and after just one encounter, feeling his body against yours, you couldn’t deny the temptation of doing it again. You’d slowly come to know him well, and despite the tiny hope of building something together, you also respected his desire to keep things non-romantic. So, you agreed on a casual friends-with-benefits arrangement whenever there was time for it.

And already following one of the first friendly matches before the start of the regular season, you shared your second night together. Which once again, was a night filled with multiple orgasms- and this time, you even got to experience William's oral skills, something you had never encountered in such an incredible way with anyone else before.

The creativity you both had with positions was simply fun and exciting. Yet while you alternated between being on top and taking the lead, William always remained the dominant character - except perhaps when you showcased your own oral talents.

In short, it was just a great causal relationship where you shared a profound connection. Both before and following the heated session, you shared laughter and smiles, before you made your way out of his condo. And to no one’s surprise, the two times then quickly turned into three times. And then four times over a few more weeks.

-

As the regular season gradually took shape, William's predictions about his limited free time outside the hockey rink proved accurate. Although you exchanged texts almost daily, sharing memes and Instagram posts, you reminded yourself that there was no deeper meaning to it. It was all just friendly banter and genuine laughter. Or well, perhaps there was a rather flirtatious sense of humour involved, as well as occasional sexual jokes and references.

And truth be told, you cherished the relationship you had with the Swede. Since he didn’t require much attention from your side, it gave you ample opportunity to get to know everyone else around the team better. So, you began spending more and more time with some of the girls, going out for brunches and having girls’ nights-in to watch the hockey matches, as well as frequenting the arena more often than before.

So, as weeks turned into months, you slowly grew closer to the other players. Whether it was dinners at the Marners’ or social gatherings with the team, you found yourself welcomed into the tightly knit circle. Something beyond what you had ever imagined your life would be like living in Toronto.

And among all the newly formed relationships, one stood out in particular. You weren’t entirely sure what sparked it, but as if out of nowhere, freshman Matthew Knies walked straight into your heart and stole it.

Perhaps it was the first time you were carrying too many iced coffees for the ladies and almost spilled them, if it hadn’t been for the young forward's help. Or maybe the connection began when he nearly ran you over near the training rink, his focus solely on navigating, oblivious to your presence.

But regardless, a connection quickly blossomed. What started as light laughter and sweet exchanges gradually evolved into coffee walks and exploring the hidden gems of the city, whenever he wanted to give the Tavares family some private time. As you knew what it was like to be new to the city, and since it wasn’t too long ago for you, you offered him company if he ever needed a break from hockey -to which he gladly accepted. And as you spent more and more hours together, you couldn’t help but feel something stirring within you.

You couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but one thing was certain: it felt good.

Similarly, Matthew was slowly developing some kind of feelings for you as well. As he had recently ended things with his ex-girlfriend due to the distance, he found a void in his heart that needed filling. And your sweet laughter, quirky jokes, and endless storytelling about anything and everything filled that void for him.

At first, it didn’t feel romantic or anything of the sort, especially since he wasn’t seeking a relationship; you were just two good friends enjoying each other's company. And despite the little age gap, he felt like an equal. You helped him move into his new flat, shared your best easy cooking tips, while he introduced you to playing NHL on PlayStation and played a few tunes on his guitar for you. It was a simple yet profound friendship.

And as the hockey season then unfolded with its highs and lows, the emotional roller-coaster began to influence your friendships. If he ever needed a tight hug or wanted to call you while on the road just to talk about something other than hockey, you were there for him.

So, as days passed, your time gradually involved more chats with Matthew Knies, while your friendship with William Nylander softly faded into the background.

You never officially ended things with William; he was simply preoccupied with training, so your communication was limited to social media. Meanwhile, your conversations with Matthew grew deeper and more personal. Gradually, he learned more about your family, career aspirations, and the reasons for your move to Toronto, while he talked about the ups and downs of his recent relationship with his ex-girlfriend and how much he missed home.

It wasn’t until Auston Matthews brought up your and William's previous encounters that it dawned on Matthew what he had happened before he’d entered the picture. Though William had become one of his best friends on the team, he had never mentioned anything about having had a relationship with you. But after a training session, when it was just the two Arizona players left in the locker room, Auston brought it to Matthew's attention.

"He's alright with it, you know," the elder hockey star started. "About you and y/n."

Matthew was a little confused. Why would William have anything against who he was friends with?

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You know, because they had a thing going on – sleeping together and stuff like that," Auston explained, believing Matthew already knew, given his close friendships with both you and William.

"Oh... wait, what?" Matthew's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"You didn't know?"

"Well, no... when did they..." Matthew's curiosity peaked.

"Oh, months ago, man... don’t worry about it, it was just before the season started, so..." Auston replied casually.

"Ah, cool... but," the younger teammate pondered whether to delve deeper. "Like, how many times? Did they go out or?"

"Just a few times, I think," Auston shrugged nonchalantly as he rose from his seat to pack his bag. "Hey, Willy's cool, and no, it’s not like they ever dated, so she's all free."

Yet, as Auston left the locker room, leaving Matthew to his own thoughts, he couldn't help but consider talking to William about it, just to be sure and not accidentally create tension with his good friend and one of the greatest players on the team.

And fortunately, the conversation with William went surprisingly smoothly.

"Of course, I don’t mind you hanging out with y/n," William simply chuckled. "I mean, sure, she's my friend and all, and yes, we slept together, but that's it, man."

"Alright, just wanted to make sure there's nothing more between you two," Matthew smiled back at his friend.

"Nah, she's amazing, I get why you want to be around her," William flashed a smile, his body language relaxed as he rested his hand on his hip, while he rubbed his beard with the other. "I mean, I just feel bad I haven't talked more with her myself, so I'm just happy she's got you, man."

Matthew felt a weight lift from his shoulders after his talk with William. While it wasn't entirely uncommon for players to have shared experiences with a girl or two occasionally, it had mostly been just for sex, and not across relationships, at least not to his knowledge.

However, what neither you nor Matthew knew was that William had been thinking a lot about your growing friendship. Initially, he found it sweet and nice that you were chatting with everyone on and around the team, giving him the space he'd said he needed to focus on his game.

But as you gradually stopped flirting with him, both in person and through messages, he started to feel the change sting a little. He knew he was the one who had said there couldn't be more between you than just sex, but when even that didn't happen, he felt as if you were slowly distancing yourself from him. And he was losing you both as a lover and a friend.

So, even though he acted cool and chill about the closeness between you and the freshman, he still couldn’t deny that it got to him. The connection he had shared with you felt almost unique, and he wasn’t ready to let it fade completely.

-

Months had passed since your first night with William, and life in Toronto was nothing short of amazing. You had a lovely group of friends, with most of your nights spent watching hockey matches alongside them, occasionally dining out with the team.

Everything seemed perfect, except for the fact that you still missed William deeply. Despite convincing yourself from the beginning that you never harboured any deeper feelings for him, you couldn’t deny the disappointment you felt when your relationship never progressed further or lasted. You simply couldn’t escape the significance of your connection with him and seeing him so often around the rink or when going out, made it clear that you needed to find a way to move on.

And fortunately, your relationship with Matthew helped ease the hurt you were feeling. He was an amazing guy, and to you it almost seemed crazy that his ex-girlfriend had let him go. He was sweet, caring, and surprisingly mature for his age. And you knew you were slowly developing feelings for him.

So, one Friday night, as you were out with some girlfriends not in the hockey group, you shared your troubles, hoping for advice from outsiders.

"If you want my opinion," Bethany spoke, holding her drink as you’d moved from dinner to cocktails. "What you need is closure. Tell this Will directly that you’re over him, cut him out, and then move on with that other guy, since you seem really into him."

You had tried to avoid giving too many details about who your relationships were with to your girlfriends, wary of any misunderstandings getting out to the media. Yet their input did have you thinking.

"I can’t just cut him out... I see him around all the time, he’s part of the group of friends, and..." you tried to explain. "I don’t know... I might still like him a little..." You finally admitted to yourself.

“Well, then I don’t see any other option,” Carol chimed in with a raised eyebrow. “You need to sleep with Matts. The best way to get over a guy is to sleep with another.”

The girls giggled and cheered at her remark, but despite trying to join in the mood, you couldn’t shake the knot in your stomach. You weren’t entirely sure if this was truly the way to go. Making a move on Matthew meant there would most likely be no going back to William. But if you let the memories of William, knowing he didn’t feel the same for you, hold you back from developing things with Matthew, you knew you’d regret it too.

So, torn between your feelings for the two men, you ordered another Espresso Martini followed by a Cosmopolitan.

You weren’t exactly tipsy or drunk, but you had just the right amount of liquid courage to steel yourself. And as you parted ways with the girls and made your way to the subway station, you pulled out your phone to find the name of the person you felt a need for calling.

However, as you stood there, hesitating over the 'call' button with your finger, a wave of unease washed over you. And upon glancing to your right, you spotted a group of men staring in your direction.

Initially, you tried to ignore them, but as they slowly edged closer, adrenaline started to course through you. And suddenly, one of them made lewd remarks, prompting you to press the screen.

"You tried to reach William Nylander. Please leave a message after the tone. *beep*"

With a frustrated sigh, you muttered, "Shit..."

The train finally arrived, and you pondered your next move. Since the men appeared to be waiting for the same train, you stopped yourself from entering and watched to see if they did. Breathing a sigh of relief when they did, you remained on the platform and decided to wait for the next one. However, just before the doors closed, two of them stepped back onto the platform.

And this time panic surged within you, so you swiftly switched to plan B.

"Hey," Matthew's voice echoed through the phone, instantly comforting you.

"H-hey, Matts..." your voice quivered slightly, despite your efforts to stay composed. "I hope I'm not disturbing your evening..."

"No, I'm just chilling at home... y/n, are you alright?" His concern was evident in his voice.

"I... I just..." you stuttered, avoiding direct eye contact with the two men but catching them in the corner of your eye. "I'm just feeling a bit..."

"What's wrong?"

But before you could respond, one of the men started heckling you again. "Hey, sweetheart! Lost your way? Need a tour guide? I'll show you a real good time!"

You had to take a deep breath to steady yourself.

"What's going on, y/n?" Matthew's voice was firm. “Who was that?”

"There are... um, some guys, Matts," you whispered, struggling to hold back tears. "It's really uncomfortable, and I just needed to talk to someone..."

"Where are you?"

"I'm..." you paused, gathering your thoughts before informing him about your location.

"Just stay there and try to keep away from the guys... I'll come and get you," Matthew quickly declared.

And before you could even attempt to object, he was already on his way out the door. You had to take in a deep breath as you tried your best to move your feet, feeling anxious as the men didn’t seem to leave you alone. Yet, with a little force, you managed to slowly move from your spot, and wander the platform a little. And with Matthew still on the line, you then cautiously moved towards the exit, avoiding glances back at the unsettling men. However, as you rode the escalator, you inadvertently looked back and spotted them trailing behind you.

"Please tell me you're close..." you whispered urgently. It almost seemed like forever before you were able to escape the uncomfortable situation. Yet thankfully, as soon as you reached street level, you spotted Matthew rolling up in his car, prompting you to hurry towards him.

"Oh my God! Thank you!" you exclaimed breathlessly, wrapping your arms around his neck, almost throwing yourself at him. "Thank you..."

"Hey, y/n… it’s okay," Matthew's voice was soothing as you gently pulled away, your eyes tinged with tears of frustration. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright..."

You were at a loss for words. It almost felt like he had rescued you. Even though the danger wasn't anything extreme, it had felt that way in the moment, and you were incredibly grateful that he had taken the initiative to come and pick you up without you even having to ask.

"I am... now," you breathed out, attempting to muster a smile.

"Good," Matthew returned the smile as he prepared to resume driving. "Let me take you home then."

It was a smooth ride filled with light giggles and laughter, and you probably thanked him about a thousand times before you reached your apartment building. However, as you were about to exit the car, you hesitated for a moment. Pressing your lips together, you pondered whether to speak your thoughts, yet with a light blush of embarrassment rising to your cheek, you pushed yourself to let the words slip out.

"Matts..." you softly began, your eyes meeting his in the dimmed lights. "Y/rm/n isn’t home, and… I sort of don’t feel like being alone tonight... after what happened..."

Your eyes briefly glanced down at your fingers before returning to meet his gaze. Yet, Matthew just offered you a soft smile.

"Hey, y/n, if you want me to stay with you, I can stay… It's no problem."

It didn’t take much convincing, given that Matthew only wanted you to feel safe. So, as you made your way to your flat and settled onto the sofa, you again couldn’t help but express your gratitude.

"You don’t have to keep thanking me y/n," he chuckled as you offered him something to drink, sitting next to him.

"I know... I’m sorry, it’s just so sweet of you," you flashed him a smile. “I just feel like I owe you something.”

Pausing for a brief moment, Matthew put down his glass and leaned slightly towards you, pressing his lips together before speaking. "Y/n... you owe me nothing - honestly, I’d do anything for you..." he let out a soft breath, his eyes meeting yours in a tender gaze. "I mean... that’s what friends are for, right..." The last part came out softer, and perhaps a little hesitant as he didn’t truly want to have phrased it like that.

Yet, his words hung in the air for a moment as you savoured the moment of the two of you together, alone in the apartment as your roommate was out.

"Right," you smiled. "That's what friends are for," you repeated softly.

Another moment of silence lingered as the two of you just sat there, sharing eye contact. Matthew’s arm draped over the back of the sofa, your body slightly turned towards him, and your knee lightly touching his.

Matthew felt his heart pounding in his chest, his palms a little sweaty. He was a little unsure of your signals, however, as you maintained your focused gaze on him, he suddenly felt a rush of confidence and without much thought, he decided to slowly lean in to close the gap between you.

It was just for a brief moment, yet the quick kiss Matthew shared with you caused your lips to tingle.

"Shit... I’m so sorry," he muttered softly as he quickly pulled away.

But you didn’t want him to feel apologetic. In fact, you had had the same inclination, but lacked the confidence to act on it. "No... Matts, it’s okay," you replied, your tone just above a whisper.

"Really?"

And without any verbal confirmation, you simply just slowly leaned in and connected your lips once more. However, this time, they stayed connected for a little longer.

Gently feeling his smooth mouth on yours, your hand rested on his cheek while his found your hip, and almost in slow motion, your lips moved against each other as you shared your breaths. Then very delicately, both of you parted your lips and carefully let your tongues meet in a sensual dance.

It was a soft and gentle kiss, nothing sloppy or rushed. Then slowly pulling apart, you both let out a breath.

"Just to be sure..." Matthew spoke gently. "You’re not just doing this because of what happened tonight, are you?"

Softly, you shook your head, reassuring him that you’d been thinking the same. And with that understanding, you both aimed for another deep kiss. This one hungrier, and slowly growing more intense as you let your hands gently explore each other, pulling each other close.

With every passing moment, it grew deeper and deeper, sending warmth within you that you hadn't felt since your first night with William. However, as you moved to sit in Matthew’s lap, thoughts of William slowly faded, and you didn't even notice your phone buzzing on the coffee table.

As morning light seeped in through the curtains and you slowly awakened from your slumber, a gentle smile graced your lips as you felt Matthew’s arm enveloping your body. Despite him being clad in sweats, you could feel the warmth of his muscular, bare chest against your back.

You lay there for a moment, listening to the comforting rhythm of his breathing, not quite snoring yet emitting odd noises. And you couldn’t help but relish in the memories of last night.

Nothing overtly sexual had happened between you. Instead, you had spent the evening on the sofa, sharing deep kisses and simply enjoying the connection between you. Although you felt a certain level of attraction towards the younger hockey player, you didn’t want to rush into anything. For once, you wanted to take things slow.

And Matthew seemed to be on the same page as you, despite the evident arousal indicated by the hardness in his sweats. Yet, he remained respectful, and when you both realised how late it was, you decided to retire to bed.

Initially, Matthew had merely intended to ensure you fell asleep, tucking you into your oversized t-shirt and beneath the covers. However, as he lay on the bed beside you, admiring your beauty as you drifted off, he too succumbed to a wave of fatigue and ended up falling asleep with his arm around you.

And upon waking up to find you smiling at him, he had no regrets. “Morning,” his husky voice greeted, his eyes still slowly opening.

“Morning,” you replied sweetly. “Did you sleep alright?” you asked, noticing how his rather large frame occupied a significant space of your 1.5-person sized bed.

"Actually, I did," he chuckled, his voice rough and endearing.

There was a tender moment lingering between the two of you as your eyes met. However, the soft moment was suddenly interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

"What the..." you muttered under your breath, slightly baffled as to who would ring your doorbell early on a Saturday morning.

Yet as you made your way to the hallway and swung the door open, you were met with none other than your Swedish friend.

"Willy..." you breathed out, slightly shocked that he had shown up at your door.

"Good! You’re alive," he spoke perhaps a little too sharply, while his eyes were filled with concern.

"What do you mean?"

"I tried calling you yesterday, after you tried to call me," he explained, his tone softening a tad as he locked eyes with you. "But you didn't answer, so I gave it another shot and texted you... but then you didn't text me back or anything, so I started freaking out a little... I mean... I just wanted to make sure you were alright - so I came here before heading to the morning skate."

You let out a sigh as you listened to his words, a small wave of guilt washing over you to how concerned he’d been. "Shit... Willy, I'm really sorry... I was out with some girls, and then there were these guys making me really uncomfortable," you blurted out suddenly, feeling the need to explain.

"Shit what, hold on... what guys? Y/n are you alright?" he asked, a hint of panic creeping into his voice, feeling the guilt for not answering when you needed help.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine... everything sorted itself out," you reassured him, trying to keep calm. But before you could elaborate, Matthew emerged from your bedroom, throwing on his t-shirt from the night before.

And William's gaze immediately landed on him walking into the hallway. "Kniesy?" he exclaimed in disbelief.

"Hey Willy," Matthew replied softly, moving slightly behind you as he greeted his teammate.

"What are you... Did you sleep here..." William started to speak, but his words trailed off as he looked between you and his teammate. "I mean, that’s none of my business..." William shook his head as he processed the situation.

"Willy, no, Matt just stayed here after giving me a lift home," you explained, feeling another twinge of guilt for some reason. You weren't entirely sure why you cared so much about what William thought had happened, yet you sensed it had something to do with your still lingering feelings for him.

"Right, fair enough..." William tried to play it cool, yet he couldn't ignore the flicker of jealousy igniting within him. Though there was a fleeting temptation to punch his mate and teammate, he knew he had no grounds to be jealous. You weren't his to claim, and Matthew had only acted out of concern. So, rubbing his eyebrow with his thumb as he collected his thoughts, he spoke again. "Well, uh, guess I'll catch you at practice then,” he nodded towards the younger player.

-

Nothing particularly dramatic went down at morning practice, but there was a bit of tension brewing between the Swede and the lad from Arizona that didn't escape notice.

Despite William making an effort to appear calm and collected about the events of the previous night, he couldn't quite shake the irritation he felt towards himself. He knew he had feelings for you, probably since the first time you spent several nights together, getting intimate in various ways. And as he was aware that he hadn't pursued anything further, he couldn't help but feel some regret now that he saw you moving on with someone else. And not just anyone else – his teammate and close friend.

His frustration was even clear during training, when he couldn't score the way he wanted to, so he knew it was getting to him more than it should. "Fuuuuuck," he muttered to himself after another failed attempt.

Meanwhile, Matthew was unsure how to act around his friend. Part of him wanted to explain himself, to tell William that he had feelings for you, and he didn't feel guilty about it. But the truth was, he did feel guilty. He knew you'd been with William first, and that William hadn't exactly ended things with you – it just sorts of fizzled out. So, he understood that there were still lingering feelings or something between you.

"Alright, that's it for today! See you all later for the game!" Coach Keefe announced, signalling the end of the morning training session.

The locker room was buzzing with anticipation for tonight's match. However, as the boys left one by one, leaving William as the last to finish up, Matthew, sitting just two stalls away, saw an opportunity to address whatever was going on.

"Hey," he approached gently, despite knowing William wasn't in the best mood after practice.

"What's up?"

"I, um... we're good, right?" the younger forward asked. "Like, you and me, we're good..."

William had a feeling of what Matthew was referring to, so as cool as he was, he just shrugged. “Yeah, of course.”

“Good, alright,” Matthew nodded.

“I mean, thanks, for… you know being there for y/n,” William then added with a gentle smile, trying his best to hide his complicated feelings still stirring within him.

“Of course, I mean when she called and said she wasn’t alright, it was the only thing I wanted to do…”

William nodded. “Right… yeah, that’s good…”

There was a brief moment of silence as the two boys just sat there and gently nodded in agreement.

“Willy, just to be sure… there’s nothing going on between you two, anymore, right?” Matthew stepped carefully.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… let’s say, I want to make a move on her, ask her out, you know- you’ll be okay with it?”

Pouting his lips William pondered for a moment. Of course, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He still had feelings for you and if Matthew made a move on you, it would probably complicate things even further.

“Well, have you asked her out? I mean, is there like something official going on?”

“Uhm… no but, I guess I might want to… and I wouldn’t want you to be mad if you know she wants it too…”

“Ah… yeah alright…” William thought for a moment. The angel on his shoulder knew he could be the good guy here, admitting his wrongs, yet the devil on the other shoulder told him to play the game, and not give up. “But I mean if there’s nothing official between you… then I can still…. You know, take a shot.”

It was as if small competition was slowly forming. Something neither of the boys truly wanted, yet it started to seem inevitable.

“You want to take a shot?”

“Well, yeah maybe… I mean, I still like her.”

“Yeah, but you also said you didn’t want to date her – you dumped her, remember?”

“I didn’t dump her… I just… I wasn’t ready, alright… I am now, and I mean it’s not like anything has happened between you – it’s just a crush you can get over.”

Though Matthew knew that William had slept with you, and he hadn’t, he still knew that there was something between you and him.  “Well, something’s happened – we made out.”

“You kissed?” William froze a little. “When?”

“Last night… a lot actually…” It was his best card to play, but he knew it held significance.

William pondered again. So, he hadn’t just picked you up and driven you home. You’d invited him inside and made out before you let him sleep in your bed. Something William hadn’t done, as whenever the two of you had had sex, you hadn’t spent the night together.

“Hmm…” Was all he managed to reply, as he gazed into the thin air.

“I’m sorry Willy…. But I like her, and I really think she likes me too… so, maybe it’s best if you just… admit you blew your chance and step aside.”

Matthew felt bold as he spoke the words. He was confident that he had the upper hand, and that William was the fool who’d let you go too soon. Yet, there was one thing he hadn’t considered.

“You know…” William spoke softly, turning his eyes to Matthew. “Last night… before she called you… she called me first…” he let the word hang in the air for a few seconds before speaking again. “So, maybe I haven’t lost her completely… and I don’t think I can step aside… not without trying…”

The air felt heavy as Matthew realised that you might also still harbour feelings for William as well. It almost felt like a knife to the heart as he thought he’d have to fight one of his best friends to win you over, yet he couldn’t let it go. Not at this point. He’d fallen for you, and there was no escaping his feelings.

Meanwhile, William struggled with his own thoughts. Should he really back off and let Matthew go for it with you? Or should he try one last time, knowing that at least he tried to fight for you, and not just give you up that easily? And though he for a moment considered stepping aside, he just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t in his nature to give up. And given the fact that no other woman had ever made him feel the way you had, he wasn’t ready to let you go.

[anne-bsd-bibliophile]

Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao Comparison

The author of Thousand Autumns, Meng Xi Shi, wrote in the Foreword, "The two leads have extreme personalities that are diametric opposites: one finds joy in helping people, while the other resolutely believes that human nature is evil. But because both are them are incredibly strong, they cannot convince each other. And so when they meet, they’re destined to clash in a blaze of intense sparks." While I reread the series, I collected a few of my favorite quotes that described Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao's personalities and world views so I could compare them side by side. It is amazing how two characters who are polar opposites can complement each other so well.

Shen Qiao: “When it comes to worth, every heart weighs it differently. Grudges have a source, and debts a debtor, but involving innocent people should never be commended. When you don’t save the people you could have, when you don’t take action when you could have, a shadow lodges in your heart forever. Whether other people know about it—whether they’ll feel grateful—that’s their business.”

Yan Wushi: As always, whenever Yan Wushi opened his mouth, sarcastic comments streamed out. Hearing them was enough to make any listener grit their teeth. But with the way he stood upon the cliff face, hands clasped behind his back and robes dancing, the assembled spectators simply had to look up to him as well. His achievements and martial arts, his incredible strength—many understood that they’d never reach such heights. It was human nature to admire those of great strength, and if anyone claimed they felt no trace of admiration for the egotistical Huanyue Sect Leader—who had the power to warrant such an ego—they’d be lying.

Shen Qiao: Even when he’d fallen into the mire, when he was smeared with dust and grime and was at anyone’s mercy, still he struggled back to his feet and walked onward, step by step. His comrades’ betrayal, his kindness being repaid with enmity—it was as if he’d taken none of it to heart.

Yan Wushi: But Yan Wushi was the kind of man who reserved even his egotism and conceit for those on his level. The mediocre remainder weren’t worth his attention, so he couldn’t care less what they said or thought.

Shen Qiao: “During our time in this world, everyone has to make their own choices. Some will choose to preserve their lives at all costs, and some will choose to give up their lives for their reputation or to demonstrate their innocence. In all cases, there is nothing to criticize. Only during the darkest hour will one’s true self emerge.

Yan Wushi: This Huanyue Sect Leader’s character was just as the rumors painted him: mercurial and unpredictable. Even after they’d spent so much time together, Shen Qiao still dared not say that he completely understood him.

Shen Qiao: “There are many people in this world. Some of them good, some of them bad. But even more can’t be categorized as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Their thoughts may be different from yours, and the paths they choose may also be different... You mustn’t reject others just because they’re different from you. As a person, you have to be like an ocean that embraces the hundred rivers: tolerant and broad-minded. The same holds true as a martial artist. The narrow-minded are limited in what they can achieve. Even if they reach the summit, they won’t be able to stand there for long.”

Yan Wushi: In Yan Wushi’s eyes, the incompetent would never be worthy of his attention. Counting decades into the past, there’d been one exception in Shen Qiao, but there was only one Shen Qiao. No one else deserved any extra concern from him, even if they were his disciples. He’d already taught his disciples his skills; if they needed his protection in everything, why bother wandering the jianghu? They might as well bash open their heads and die.

Shen Qiao: He was happy to treat others with kindness, and he didn’t care how much he gained or lost in exchange. But when other people returned him a similar kindness, to the point that they were willing to die for him, it was far harder for him than simply receiving nothing in the first place.

Yan Wushi: Shen Qiao shook his head. “He’s not cruelhearted—he never had a heart in the first place. He treats everyone in the world with the same callousness, and he’ll never be particularly gentle toward anyone...”

Shen Qiao: In this world there are many, many situations where giving someone something doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll receive anything in return. When you choose to give, you must remember this, or else the only one hurt will be you.”

Yan Wushi: In Shen Qiao's opinion, Yan Wushi had no reason to bring trouble down on himself like this. But ultimately, Yan Wushi was Yan Wushi. If he moved according to other people’s expectations, he wouldn’t be Yan Wushi anymore.

Shen Qiao: “From the great Dao springs forth many thousand paths,” said Shen Qiao. “Some are fast, some slow, but none are better than any other.”

Yan Wushi: He adored Shen Qiao to a ridiculous degree, but this kind of adoration was usually expressed through teasing and bullying.

And what they think of each other by the end of the series:

Just as Shen Qiao was thinking this, he heard Yan Wushi say, “A-Qiao, do you know?” “Mm?” Shen Qiao returned to himself. “In the past, I classified all humans into two categories.” “Mm,” said Shen Qiao. He knew this. “They were either your opponents or insects.” Opponents were those who could stand on equal footing with him. Insects were the ones not worth his attention. In the past, Shen Qiao had been an insect in his eyes. “But now,” Yan Wushi said leisurely, “I’ve changed my way of thinking. A-Qiao, you’re different from most people in the world. You have compassion for all mankind carved into your bones, to the point that you’re willing to give yourself up for others without asking for anything in return. In the past, I thought you were the same as everyone else: you might start out good and innocent, but the world is fickle, and in the end it’d teach you to change as well. But you went completely beyond my expectations. Human affairs are like a stream, yet you are a rock. No matter how the stream flows, you will never shift.” Shen Qiao gave a brief laugh. “It’s rare to hear Sect Leader Yan praise me. How remarkable! This humble Daoist is greatly honored.” “Do you still hold a grudge against me in your heart?” Shen Qiao shook his head. “No, it’s the exact opposite. I admire you greatly. There aren’t many people in this world who can live so willfully, but Sect Leader Yan is one of them. Before I left the mountain, the only world and jianghu I knew was the tiny little space that my late master had told me about. I’d never seen it with my own eyes. If not for Yan Wushi’s instruction, I wouldn’t be alive listening to you say these things now.”

[astrojulia]

Pick a Pile - A letter from your future self

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Disclaimer: These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purpose.

How to pick a pile

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise! .

Pile 1 - Pochacco

[Waxing Moon, Aquarius, Neptune, Six of Wands; Four of Cups; Seven of Pentacles; Knight of Pentacles; Justice; King of Aquarius; Knight of Wands. Nine of Wands; Three of Cups]

If you chose this pile maybe you have:

Aquarius Neptune;

Neptune dominant;

Pisces/Libra/Aquarius/Capricorn/Leo in the big 6.

Dear [Your Name],

Greetings from the future! Today, you experienced a small but significant victory, and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge your progress. You're on the right path, and I can sense the fulfillment it brings you. However, remember that there's still a little way to go before everything falls into place. Celebrate your victories, but remain cautious about pride. It's essential to stay grounded.

I'm glad to inform you that your future self is reaping the rewards of your hard work, and you've achieved success honestly. If, at any point, you were tempted to take shortcuts or deceive others for personal gain, let me assure you that such actions will eventually catch up with you. I trust that you have stayed true to your values and principles.

In the future, you will find yourself in a more serene phase where you won't always have to be the one initiating everything. Instead, you'll play a role in overseeing and refining what has already been accomplished. It will be a calmer period, but by no means stagnant. There will still be tasks to tackle and objectives to pursue.

Presently, your primary concern revolves around your connections with others. You often question whether they genuinely support you or if someone harbors jealousy and tries to undermine your progress. You are naturally inclined towards being a people person, and your birth chart suggests that your dominant elements are Air and/or Water. Consequently, building connections and fostering relationships hold significant importance for you. Despite occasionally convincing yourself that you're better off alone, deep down, you know it to be untrue. Your fear of rejection has caused you to erect barriers, but your happiest moments in life have involved others. Remember that being in the company of like-minded individuals brings you joy.

As your future self, I urge you to stop creating unnecessary barriers with others. I understand that you've experienced pain and possess a certain wariness towards society. Seeking a safe space away from others might seem appealing, but I assure you it's not the best course of action. You need friends, companions, and a network of support. The barriers you've erected will not aid you in any way.

Rather than hiding from the world, I encourage you to venture out to places and events that truly interest you. Attend concerts, visit museums, explore fashion shows—anything that sparks your passion. Show yourself to the world. Additionally, invest time in self-improvement and self-discovery. Self-knowledge is a powerful tool for enhancing self-esteem, and there are unique contributions that only you can make. I recall a quote from a cartoon I stumbled upon but never watched extensively, and it resonated deeply: "Your heart's not broken; it's only growing." Remember that life is a series of beginnings and fresh starts. Embrace them with open arms.

Always remember that everything has its own time and place. There is a time for action and a time for reflection. Your sadness is valid, and I, more than anyone, understand the weight it carries. Rest assured that I am with you in every moment, reminiscent of a movie playing in your mind. So, do not be afraid.

Let go of the martyrdom mindset. You don't need to suffer excessively to achieve your desires. Yes, you must work hard, get organized, and continually strive for improvement, but suffering is not a prerequisite. Fight for your rights, your place in the world, and know your worth. However, leave this fight outside the sanctuary of your home. Transform your home into a temple for rest, shedding tears, self-reflection, and even indulging in childlike behavior when needed. But, from now on, shield yourself from unnecessary pain.

Your future self acknowledges your tendency to procrastinate. It's something you grapple with more than you would like. But, I want to remind you to give yourself the credit you deserve for being patient. We live in a society that demands immediate results and instant gratification, often driven by technology. However, as human beings, we can't always keep up with this relentless pace. Be patient with yourself and resist the urge to compare yourself to machines or AI. Remember, you have unique potential and capabilities.

Believe me when I say that where you are right now is just the beginning. I promise you, it will get better. You will evolve and grow, transforming from a simple donkey into a spirited horse. Keep walking, keep trying, and keep pushing forward. Embrace your innovative and creative side—the part of you that may defy rationality at times. Don't let fear dictate your relationship with society and the world. While there are challenges and hardships, not everyone out there is bad. Have faith in yourself, as you have a tremendous capacity for personal growth.

You don't need to prove your worth to anyone. It is already inherent within you. Instead of seeking validation from external sources, focus on your own self-worth and self-acceptance. Embrace your journey and the lessons it brings.

Remember, my dear [Your Name], you have the power to shape your future. Embrace your victories, learn from your setbacks, and always strive to be the best version of yourself. Trust the process, and know that your future self is rooting for you every step of the way.

With unwavering support and belief in your potential,

Your Future Self

Pile 2 - Cinnamoroll

[First Quarter, Waning Crescent, Pisces,Emperor,Eight of Cups,Wheel of Fortune,Eight of Swords,Death,Ten of Cups, The Tower, Queen of Wands, Ten of Wands]

If you chose this pile maybe you have:

Mars dominant;

Aries dominant;

Aries/Scorpio in the big 6.

Dear [Your Name],

Greetings from the future! Today, you are filled with a sense of fulfillment and optimism. You can feel the potential for growth within you, and it seems like you are finally taking control of the situation, steering it towards the desired outcome. This is just the beginning, though. Many of your aspirations and ideas remain in your mind, waiting to be transformed into tangible plans and actions. It might feel like your thoughts are yet to find the right words to express them, but rest assured, there is so much more to come than you can currently envision. A breakthrough moment, a eureka moment, is on the horizon, and it will reveal the immense potential you possess.

Your future self is bursting with happiness! You cannot even fathom the level of joy awaiting you. What you truly desire is unfolding before your eyes, even though there may be a veil obscuring your vision. It's like standing under a spotlight where you think you see everything, but in reality, your happiness lies just around the corner. Don't worry if you cannot perceive the exact path at this moment. Trust that you will find your way.

It seems that you are burdened by an overwhelming workload. You feel a sense of accomplishment in being able to handle so much, and I must acknowledge your capabilities. However, this excessive weight is also causing sadness and isolation. Remember, you are carrying this burden into the future. Take a moment to calm yourself and find balance.

Let go of the "what if" and the regrets of the past. The future me, the present you, and the people from your past are interconnected. There are countless things the past version of me wishes to share with you, things you cannot even fathom. Do not fear your journey, but do not halt your progress either.

Allocate more time to challenging yourself! Embrace the plans you've made and put them into action. Push your limits and discover what you are truly capable of. Yes, it might feel overwhelming today, but what if I told you that this overwhelming feeling is mostly in your mind? It's time to break free from it. Remember that task you keep postponing? Do it!

There are several important things you need to remember. Firstly, you are a fortunate individual, and destiny has a way of working in your favor. Things may not always unfold exactly as you desire, but trust that they are happening for the best. Reconnect with your spirituality and embrace your faith. Your companions, both seen and unseen, have never abandoned you. Lastly, have faith in the plan that destiny has in store for you. It will unfold at its own pace.

You do not need to endure unnecessary suffering. The idea that you must go through certain hardships to learn a lesson is not always true. The world has been unkind to you, and you carry a deep sadness within your chest that words cannot fully express, only tears can. I want to assure you that even I, your future self, still carry a small portion of that sadness. However, it will gradually dissipate. If you can find a way to release it now, it will make your journey easier. Consider seeking a more intensive psychological treatment if necessary, beyond just therapy.

Recognize that you have always been the one to set yourself free from various burdens, even when you longed for assistance from others. You have managed to navigate through challenges independently. You are audacious and unstoppable. Your mind is free from the constraints of societal norms and judgments of right and wrong.

I want to reiterate that I am incredibly happy today. It's because I see the star-like potential within you, waiting to be recognized for all that you have accomplished. You are protected by spirituality, the love and support of your parents, and the guidance of your ancestors. They are all watching over you, guiding you on your path of growth and transformation. Embrace the power that resides within you, for it is expanding with every step you take.

In the grand tapestry of your life, remember that each thread serves a purpose, even the ones woven with sadness and pain. The sorrow that lingers within you, the one that brings you to tears, is gradually dissipating. Allow yourself to empty it out, piece by piece. You may discover that seeking a deeper form of healing and support will provide the solace you seek. Consider exploring alternative methods and seeking the assistance of professionals who can guide you through this process.

Today, I want you to acknowledge your true strength. You have overcome countless obstacles, and even when the world seemed against you, you forged your own path. Take pride in your audacity and resilience. The norms and expectations imposed upon you cannot hinder your limitless potential. You possess a radiant spirit that shines brightly, and it is only a matter of time before your light is recognized by all.

Keep nurturing your spirituality, for it is a wellspring of wisdom and comfort. Trust in the love and protection that surround you, both from the divine and from the earthly connections you hold dear. Lean on the support of your parents, who have been your pillars of strength. Remember the guidance of your ancestors, whose presence is felt in your veins. You are not alone on this journey; you are part of a greater tapestry of love and interconnectedness.

As you venture into the future, remember to embrace the present moment. Let go of worries about what could have been and what lies ahead. Instead, focus on the here and now, the opportunities that unfold before you. Embrace the power of intention and manifestation, knowing that your thoughts and actions shape the reality you experience.

Believe in yourself, dear [Your Name]. You are on the cusp of greatness, a potential waiting to be fully realized. Trust in the process, and have faith that everything will fall into place at the right time. Your future is bright, and you have the ability to create a life that surpasses even your wildest dreams.

With boundless love and unwavering faith,

Your Future Self

Pile 3 - Kuromi

[Scorpio, Sun, Cancer, Four of Wands, Seven of Cups, The Star, Five of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles, The Moon, Four of Swords, Two of Cups, Nine of Swords]

If you chose this pile maybe you have:

Scorpio/Cancer Sun;

Libra/Pisces/Aquarius in the big 6.

Dear [Your Name],

As I write this letter to you, you find yourself amidst significant changes within your home and family. Perhaps you are preparing to embark on the journey of marriage or welcoming new members into your family. However, my dear, I want you to understand that you are the protagonist of this transformation. This is not a change that frightens you; it is an outcome that you anticipated and meticulously planned for. Your tireless efforts have brought forth this moment.

Your future self wants you to take a moment to reflect upon the choices you have made. You have transitioned from a position of power to a supportive role, and as the main character, you are now entrusted with the care of others. Embrace this shift with open arms, for it is not a negative development. Instead, it signifies a new phase of your life where you must divert some of your attention away from yourself.

Today, you find yourself contemplating whether you should rest or continue fighting. Your deep love and concern for your family compel you to ensure their well-being. You have worked tirelessly to bring everyone together, and it can be exhausting because you understand and appreciate the uniqueness of each individual. You have become a counselor, a teacher, a mother, and a daughter to everyone around you. And now, you wonder when you will find a moment to rest.

Therefore, I implore you to cease spending an excessive amount of time being the cornerstone of everyone's lives. You are not obligated to be the constant advisor and ally that everyone seeks. It is time to redirect some of that focus back onto yourself.

You need moments of solitude, my dear. When was the last time you truly had a moment alone? A moment for self-reflection, introspection, and observation without immediate action? It is crucial for you to prioritize your own desires amidst this dynamic situation. Take the time to explore your motivations. Why do you yearn for the unity of others so intensely?

Remember two essential truths. Firstly, there will always be more options available to you. It is possible to rebuild and mend relationships, ultimately leading to a harmonious resolution. Secondly, it is crucial to acknowledge that there may be individuals who are not genuine. Despite your best efforts, some may attempt to exploit you. Understand that their actions stem from their own internal issues and have no correlation with your worth.

Now, what I am about to say may be challenging, but it is essential. Release the fear of being alone. You are excellent company for yourself. Embrace solitude and discover the strength and contentment that reside within you.

Allow yourself to embrace your true desires. Do not hesitate to acknowledge that some of your actions, though done for others, are ultimately driven by your own wishes. You have every right to want and desire.

Remember, my dear, you possess immense potential to emerge from the current trials and tribulations you face. Do not let fear consume you. With time, things will gradually settle, and a sense of tranquility will envelop your life.

Believe in your ability to navigate this journey and find fulfillment amidst the changes.

With unwavering support and belief in you,

Your Future Self

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[astrronomemes]

A BOY CALLED CHRISTMAS (2021): STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 2021 Netflix film, A Boy Called Christmas. change & alter as needed.

"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."

"If you believe you can do something, you're halfway there."

"We manage with what we have."

"Are you okay? Would you like a glass of water? I can ring a little bell, and someone will bring it."

"We all need hope. A spark of magic, to keep us all going."

"It's just a word. It doesn't have to mean anything."

"Oh, stop complaining. I'm hungrier than you are."

"Why can't you have nice things in your house, like marzipan, or cake?"

"Home is not a place. It's a feeling."

"Fall off a bridge, boy. It'll hurt less."

"Do you believe in magic, [name]? Because I don't think I do anymore."

"Well, that went a lot better than expected, given that I thought we were both going to die."

"Is that a yes in reindeer?"

"Let's go with no. How about that?"

"We must always help those in trouble. Even if they're human."

"I hoped for you to be strong, and warm, and always safe."

"An impossibility is only a possibility that you don't understand yet."

"To see something, you must believe in it."

"I'm gonna be honest, kid, I did not see this one working out for us."

"Whatever it is you're looking for, you won't find it here."

"No idea what this Christmas thing is, but I love it."

"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my entire life."

"Christmas is the greatest day of all because it is the kindest day of all."

"You don't know the first thing about truth. Nobody does."

"How fun! I've never blown up a mouse before!"

"Let's be honest, I'm not in a position to be turning away new friend material. So, new friend, what should I call you?"

"You can handle anything, because you've already handled everything."

"Lucky for you, I've got more tricks up my sleeve. And by tricks, I mean improvised, homemade explosives."

"Being good is better than being rich, [name]. Better than anything."

"Don't look at me like that, [name]. I'm doing my best."

"You're my son. And I'm on your side, no matter what."

"There is goodness in you after all."

"You have so much good to give. It's better than anything."

"There's no way you can get to a happy ending from here."

"Happiness isn't compulsory, and nothing ever ends."

"Grief is the price we pay for love... and worth it, a million times over."

"The only thing in life that is simple and clear is the truth. But it can be painful."

"You learn to live with it. And you get stronger because of it."

"Don't be a hero. Take the win."

"They look up to you, you know. We all do."

"We must not allow what we have gained to blind us to what we may lose."

"You see enough horses with horns stuck to their heads, you get a little cynical."

"If anyone deserves the infinite joy of loving and being loved, it's you."

"The darkest night will end, the sun will rise, and Christmas mornings will come again."

[i-sneezed]

Some Elriel evidence that doesn't get much attention.

First of all, if you're just having fun with your ships, you do you, man. I'm not here to rain on your parade.

However, there are so many people out there that are CONVINCED of Elucien/Gwynriel that I can't take it anymore and I have to throw in my two cents, so here we go. I'm gonna break it down by ship.

Elucien

There's no way, bro. And we can set aside the fact that if that ship were to sail it would be the same sort of love story as Nessian (reluctant mates).

The most obvious thing to discuss here is that Elain is clearly not interested. And neither, to some extent, is Lucien.

Let's look back to ACOWAR when Lucien talks to Elain in the library. He thinks about Jesminda. "[She] had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been...thrown at him."

Like Azriel, Lucien wants to be chosen. He's had it before and he sees the value in it. Unfortunately, he's a fae male and he has a hard time ignoring his instincts where his mate is concerned, so he keeps trying. Even though he can hardly stand to be in the same room as her. Whereas Vassa...

Elain, on the other hand, has absolutely no interest in a mating bond. After Graysen breaks her heart in ACOWAR, Feyre says, "Some sliver of hope had been shattered today. That Graysen would still love her, marry her--and that love would trump even a mating bond."

Obviously, that quote is in direct reference to her ex-fiance, but we see Elain reconfirm that desire in ACOFAS when she tells Feyre explicitly that she doesn't want a mate. I don't think it's personal to Lucien, I think she rejects the idea of being told who she should be with. Of being robbed of choice.

We learn from Nesta in ACOSF that their mother always said Elain would marry for "love and beauty". I think for Elain, a mating bond is not the same as love. Also, small aside, but who is constantly regarded as the most beautiful of the bat boys?

We haven't seen them have a conversation about their mating bond yet because why would we? That will happen in Elain's book (which is most likely next).

Gwynriel

I feel like this one is more dangerous to get into so I'll tread lightly.

Firstly, the majority of evidence for this ship comes from a bonus chapter that the majority of the fandom doesn't even know exists. Anyone who listens to the audiobooks doesn't know about it unless they poke around ACOTAR stuff online.

It doesn't make sense for an author to essentially change the entire trajectory of a story in a bonus chapter that most people don't know about.

Also, I think a big problem with the BC is that people read it after they finish the book, so it can feel like the most recent thing to happen in the story, but it's not. It happens about 2/3 of the way through ACOSF and a lot happens after that.

But before we get into that, let's talk about the shadows. People lose their damn minds that Az's shadows dance for Gwyn and vanish for Elain. The truth of it is that we don't know what dancing shadows actually mean, though. It's the first time we've seen it happen. However, we have seen his shadows vanish for someone other than Elain.

In ACOMAF, when Feyre meets the IC for the first time, they vanish for Mor. "Mor patted Azriel on the shoulder as she dodged his outstretched wing...The lurking shadows vanished entirely as Azriel's head dipped a bit."

So we know that the shadows vanish in the presence of someone Azriel has romantic feelings for, but we don't know what makes them dance.

Then, at the end of the BC (after he said he didn't even consider Gwyn to be a friend) he feels a spark of joy in his chest. Good. My shadow man deserves happiness.

But we know that it doesn't last because at the very next training right after Solstice, Neta comments that Az is "More aloof than usual" which clearly shows us that he is far more hung up on what happened with Elain than whatever may or may not be going on with Gwyn.

For her part, Gwyn becomes more comfortable around Azriel after Solstice. We love to see it because the poor girl has been so traumatized and, like Az, she deserves to be happy.

However, at no point does Nesta or Cassian suspect there to be any romantic connection between them. Not like how Nesta did with Az and Elain. ("His secret to tell. Never hers.").

And then at the climax of the book, Gwyn is thrown into the Blood Rite. At no point is Az even half as frantic as Cassian (which a mate would be) and he is way more preoccupied with whatever's going on with Eris.

At the end, when Nesta is getting ready for her mating ceremony, Gwyn tells her that she's not ready to leave the House of Wind again. Poor thing has been re-traumatized because of what happens in the BR and can't stand to leave the House. And y'all think she's ready for any kind of romantic relationship??

Nah, let Gwyn heal without the influence of a male.

Elriel

So I'm got gonna talk about the rescue, him figuring out she's a seer, giving her Truth Teller, or any of the usual stuff because that's been said and said and I have nothing to add to it.

Instead, I want to talk about what I believe their trope will be and share my evidence with the class. Cool? Cool.

Okay, so, I think we all know that if Elriel is endgame then their trope will be forbidden lovers.

Personally, I am of the opinion that the purpose of Az's bonus chapter was to confirm that for us, not suddenly change the entire trajectory of the story.

But forbidden lovers makes so much sense for Elriel because of what we've seen in the books, not just the BC.

Looking at ACOMAF again, Mor tells Feyre, "'Azriel's got no shortage of lovers, though, don't worry. He's just better at keeping them secret than we are.'"

Then, in ACOSF, when Feyre's talking about how Elain figured out she was pregnant first, she says to Azriel, "'I think she's got you beat for secret-keeping'".

So it's already in-canon that Azriel can keep his lovers secret very well and that Elain is just good at secrets in general.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

A moment I never see anyone talk about is something that Cassian observes at a family dinner. "Elain had already departed with Feyre, claiming she had to be up with the dawn to tend to an elderly faerie's garden. Cassian didn't know why he suspected this wasn't true. There had been some tightness in Elain's face when she said it. Normally when she made such excuses, Lucien was around, but the male remained in the human lands with Jurian and Vassa."

Elain already has secrets the IC aren't privy to. So what's one more?

[famouscyclenerd]

Correction! FREE MY GIRL FROM THE E/RIEL-SHACKLES!

They want her to be stuck with Nesta who used to coddle her and says she's like a dog. With Feyre who thinks she is pleasent enough company, but not a person she would go to with problems nor advice.

They think she has a crush on Azriel after he hurt her feelings, and wounded her pride before thinking of another woman's joy and how he had to stop himself from smiling at the thought of it. His chest didn't spark at Elain's joy when she received the necklace right in front of him, but at the mere image of Gwyn's. Elain returned the necklace and has not spoken to him since. But they caim she still wants him like a desperate woman when they know damn well she said fuck that guy and his bitchy ass necklace. She could spend decades in the Night Court and she wouldn't look twice at him.🥰

They want her to be on her fucking knees for the man who finds it unfair that she isn't his mate when Rhysand got Feyre and Cassian got Nesta. Who couldn't tell Rhysand that he was over Mor. They want her to be with the man who doesn't want her exposed to the trove after she expressed her desire to do something and be helpful.

Ya'll know they would be on Lucien's ass had he been the one who said it, but Lucien would never. And so they glaze over it, pretending that he is protective and cares so much for her! No gurl he's coddling her like a child, something she doesn't want😍

They want her to either reject the bond and forever feel the consequences of it or have Lucien die when Feyre remarks on it being the worst feeling she has ever felt after Rhys dies for like 30 seconds. spoiler alert

They want her wearing fugly night court black dresses when YOU KNOW she changed out of that dress at the first given opportunity. And she has never been seen wearing black again. Maybe because she doesn't like it?? Ever thought of that?

They claim that they had to make her look bad so that Nesta looks good in comparison (feminism has left the chat) and that they purposely used a ugly dress when it's the color itself that Cassian AND Nesta remarks on looking bad on her. They also never mentioned having that kind of plan like wtf??!

"No matter how much she claims to be a part of this court, it sucked the life out of her." She claims and claims to be a part of the Night Court, but it just doesn't work... YIKES! Elain who had been so full of light, so full of life. It has significantly dimmed. "She used to love balls."... not anymore :(

"But Elain smells like jasmine and jasmine blooms at night so she loves it here😋" Yeah and Feyre smells like lilac which blooms in SPRING omfg...🤦‍♀️

Also☝️🤓, they forget the whole quote where Elain's scent is mentioned: "Her sister's delicate scent of jasmine and honey lingered in the red-stoned hall like a promise of spring"

Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking... but "I thought it was pretty obvious."

Me thinks:

[noctilin]

Hi jez!! ive been a long time follower of yours and your art has been a huge help when i was struggling in school. Hope you dont mind me asking this out of the blue but Im graduating soon and i still dunno if the careerpath i'll be taking is one i wanna take for life. I really like art, but im not really good at it, and i dont rlly have the means to "follow my passion". Im curious, do you do art for a living full time, or are you doing art while also having a quote unquote "real job"?

it doesnt really help that my parents arent very supportive of my art hobbies as of now, especially since im not making any money out of it. Money speaks as they say... LOL

hello!! i answered a question similar to this before you might be interested in. but tldr, i draw for a living! mainly freelance illustration.

commitment to art as a career is such a... complicated topic, i won't lie. even more difficult when you don't really have a sturdy support system like you say :( unfortunately, most people don't realize this is or isn't what they want until they take that leap.

personally, at first, it felt good, affirming to earn a living out of my art, it still does, but after years of it, i realized i would rather not monetize my work. it caused me to develop a complicated relationship with my creative process over the years. it often makes me question if i feel fulfilled with what i do, or if i'm only making this a means to survive. it burns me out constantly. even in the present, i have to continuously recondition my own perception of my process. but i'm currently not in a good position to just switch out my career.

i have been incredibly lucky that my art garners interest the way it does, and i make sure not to take it for granted. but i cannot hide how mentally draining it is to draw because i need to make ends meet instead of drawing because of the joy of it.

i like my art, i just wish i could enjoy it without worrying about a hungry stomach at the same time. 😅

i guess the point i'm making from all this is that money as a motivator in a creative field can be a mind killer. some people can do it, but i've rarely met such personalities... so what i'll say is this: if you want to learn and be around creatives, i would encourage going to art school, if you can. but going to art school isn't the end of it all either if you find it difficult to enroll yourself in one. art is accessible to all nowadays! just take a few google or youtube searches and maybe a little trip to the library, regardless if you want to keep it as a hobby or pursue it professionally. i've met a lot of artists who've landed full time jobs in studios without finishing an art degree. it's just a matter of letting your portfolio talk for you, a little bit of luck, and surrounding yourself with people who spark and uplift your creative spirit.

i know this is all still uncertain, but if there's anything i'm sure about, it's the fact that you don't have to give up art to live. art is living. it can still be your hobby if it doesn't end up as your job. and even if it doesn't become your career now, it's not impossible to have it in the future. i hope you find your way and, for what it's worth, congratulations on your upcoming graduation :)!

[glorious-spoon]

The kiss prompt had me feeling too much like a kid in a candy store, and I couldn't pick. I managed to narrow it down to three, hopefully one of them sparks joy?

…as a suggestion.

…after a small rejection.

…because they’re running out of time.

for buddie please 🩶

:D thank you! i went for 'a kiss after a small rejection', hope you enjoy!

-

Buck has been extremely supportive of Eddie's dating woes, in his opinion. He has been a good friend about it, listening sympathetically to the post-game of every date that fizzled out and every connection that failed to manifest. After Marisol, there was Raquel, and then Marta, and María, and Janelle. Then, maybe less shocking than it would have been a couple of years ago, there was Daniel, and Liam, and Álvaro. Eddie told him about the first of those dates with a glint in his eye that dared Buck to comment, so Buck didn't.

But it means that they're currently in this weird holding pattern where Buck knows that Eddie likes men, and—maybe more relevantly—is willing to consider dating a man, and they still haven't actually talked about it.

That's a conversation that should probably happen. Buck just doesn't know how to bring it up without immediately blurting everything out, without begging Eddie to consider him as an option. And if he does that, there's no coming back from it. If he does that, and Eddie says no, he doesn't know what'll happen. The world will end, or he'll die of mortification and disappointment, or something else unspeakably awful will occur. Maddie keeps telling him that he's catastrophizing, and he knows she's probably right, but that doesn't mean he can just make himself stop.

He's working on it.

Right now, Eddie is flopped across Buck's new couch—brown leather, wide and squashy and comfortable. Natalia helped him pick it out, and he feels a little weird about keeping it now, but the truth is that the couch turned out to be a better fit than the relationship. It's big enough for the two of them to sprawl on while they drink their beers and Eddie grumbles about his most recent date.

"I mean, you know, it was fine. Whatever," he says, with a huffy little shrug. Buck loves Eddie in every mood, but there's something especially charming about him when he's being petulant like this. Maybe because it's such a contrast to the calm, in-control face he presents to the rest of the world. Buck's not the only person who gets to have this part of Eddie, but he is a member of a select group.

"So no second date?" he asks, trying not to sound hopeful.

"He said I was 'a nice guy, but he didn't feel a connection'," Eddie says, with sarcastic one-handed finger-quotes. He takes another sullen pull on his beer.

"That's not so bad," Buck offers. Eddie's dates don't usually crash and burn the way Buck's have a tendency to, or did back when he was actually trying to date. People like Eddie. He's polite and kind and thoughtful, and reserved in a way that comes across as mysterious and fascinating instead of aloof. And that's without even getting into the fact that he looks like a fucking model, but most people know that part before they go out with him. Buck has no idea how anybody could go on a date with Eddie and not immediately fall head over heels in love with him, but he is admittedly a little biased.

"Yeah, I know," Eddie sighs. He pushes himself upright and tilts his head back against the couch, cradling his beer between his palms. "I know, it's not like I really wanted a second date either. It's just…"

"Rejection sucks?" Buck offers.

"That too. Mostly I'm just wondering how long I'm going to have to keep doing this before I find somebody I can have a connection with? Like, with Shannon, it was—"

"—bolt of lightning out of the blue?" Buck asks, because that was how it felt for him, with Eddie. That moment outside the ambulance, Eddie's blinding smile and warm handshake and the way something in him cracked wide open then and never really went away.

Eddie huffs. "Kind of. But—we were friends first. We already had that connection. You know? And then one day I looked at her and I felt like—"

He stops abruptly. If Buck wasn't already watching him, he'd probably miss the way Eddie's eyes flick toward him, and then away.

His stomach feels suddenly like he's on a rollercoaster, in giddy freefall.

"Like you were seeing something completely new?" he asks. He folds his hand tight around his beer, but he can feel it trembling.

Eddie takes a deep, visible breath, then nods and leans forward to set his beer down before turning back toward Buck.

"Yeah," he says quietly, and Buck is almost completely sure that they're not just talking about Shannon anymore. Eddie's face is open, his gaze clear, but Buck knows him well enough to detect the faint hint of nerves there.

That's the thing that finally gives him the courage to do what maybe he should have a long time ago.

"Can you just, uh." He clears his throat, then sets his beer down too. "Tell me if I'm totally misreading this?"

"Yeah, okay," Eddie whispers, but he doesn't pull back. Not when Buck shifts closer on the couch; not when he reaches out to settle a hand on Eddie's cheek, and not when he leans in to press a chaste, careful kiss to Eddie's lips.

It lingers softly for a moment, and then he pulls back and opens his eyes. Eddie blinks a couple of times, then smiles, sudden and bright.

"You're not misreading it," he says, and leans in to kiss Buck again.

(for these kiss prompts)

[tartarusknight]

With everything about the behind the scenes being passed around I wanna be honest. I like byler and I like mileven. And it's because I love all three of those characters. But El, she's my fav out of the three. Maybe when I first watched the show I would've said Will but honestly, I love El so much.

Both of them have so much trauma that I think they need someone from the party who'd understand, which is why Mike is such a great option. Mike and El were each other's first loves. But Mike and Will had the childhood best friends behind them.

In my opinion, Will would benefit from having someone new who would treat him like a normal person. They both could use a little normalcy but the trauma is a huge part of their lives. And Els whole childhood was taken from her. Making friends isn't easy and we saw that for her in season 4.

Byler have that support, where they can lift each other up and can really talk about everything.

Mileven has that spark and soft love that's tied to younger kids.

Rewatching the show I really thought Mileven was adorable and I wanted El to smile like she would with Mike. But I think that she could have that joy from others. I personally think that El and Dustin would be adorable. Dustin would lift her up for everything she does and she always seems happy around him.

Byler has that sweet spot when you think of Mike keeping all of Will's art and being there. The quote of going crazy with each other is adorable. And I think it's breaking their friendship the longer Will loves Mike and (if Mike's bi) Mike ignoring his own feelings about it.

If Mike does like Will then it connects with Nancy's own feelings when she had been with Steve. She cared about him and I think it was love, but there was something that stopped her from fully admitting it (Barb, grief, her parents relationship, and Jonathan). So I think Mike's own issue showing his affection to either Will or El makes sense. Especially when you think of how when he showed care for El in season three everyone teamed up against them because it had been too much...

No I don't really have a point, but I think that either end couple would be good. I'm just scared that one of the 3 will die to make the choice less of a choice. And I can't handle Els death.

(and yes I like El x Max or El x Max x Lucas, but I think that probably won't happen in the show. Not that I think Dustin x El would happen either.)

[hotvintagepoll]

Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire (Top Hat, Swing Time, The Gay Divorcée)—When they danced, they made their character's thoughts visible, letting us in on their intimacy. A quote from a 1995 NYTimes article: "A kind of spontaneous combustion took place when they danced together; they enhanced each other, as all good couples do. Other actresses cast opposite Astaire were invariably drawn into his orbit, overwhelmed by his charm. Only Rogers held her ground."

Jean Arthur and Joel McCrea (Adventure in Manhattan, The More The Merrier)—They were in Adventure in Manhattan (1936) and The More the Merrier (1943) together, and the stoop scene in the latter film is pure molten sex on celluloid. Their chemistry is palpable in a way that has made people I’m watching it with feel the need to turn away, it is a longing that I’ve failed to see captured post-Hays Code so the fact that it got past the censors during is doubly insane. It’s a scene that you need to catch your breath at the end of, and every intimacy coordinator in Hollywood should be required to study it. [stoop scene video under the cut]

This is round 1 of a mini Christmas tournament. Each poll lasts for three days. If you'd like to send additional propaganda supporting your favorite hot couple, you can reblog this post with your propaganda added, send it to my asks, or tag me in it. To vote in all the polls, click here. Happy holidays!

[additional sexy propaganda under the cut]

Fred and Ginger:

Oh my gosh, just watching them dance together. They can move around the floor like two parts of a whole, making incredibly difficult moves look effortlessly smooth. Or they can tap side by side, clearly equals, but with their own style. But, whether dancing or not, they make you believe their characters belong together when they're on the screen.

Why are they the hottest? They have so much chemistry when they're dancing together, even in plots where she doesn't like him at first there are always sparks when they're dancing, he's always down so bad for her in every single film, and their dancing is so energetic and so full of joy and so much fun to watch.

God Top Hat just…I cry a little watching Cheek to Cheek, they’re just so beautiful in that sequence

Joel and Jean: