#but this is much more comfortable solution

[rauferes]

When Rook is twenty-eight, and Emmrich fifty-four, Emmrich takes Rook's hand gently and tells her that they must fully consider what it means for him to be so much older. To attach herself to him, when he is so close to his own decline, is folly—

Rook looks at him directly, waiting until his downcast eyes meet hers.

"I'm a Grey Warden," Rook tells him. "I know how to make every year that I am given count."

When Rook is thirty-one, and Emmrich fifty-seven, as Emmrich presses a kiss against the back of Rook's bare shoulder, Rook admits in a small voice: "I have, at most, fifteen years left to live."

In the warm darkness of their bedroom, the quiet stretches like the last moment after a crystal has been struck, just before the world falls again into silence.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Emmrich vows.

When the bells peal, sunlight and thrown petals and grains and joyous laughter raining down on them in equal measure, when Emmrich clasps her hands and says I give you my heart and soul. I will honor and cherish you each and every day of our lives— his voice sounds exactly the same.

When Rook is thirty-seven, and Emmrich sixty-three, she finds him on the floor of his laboratory, overcome by weeping.

"I have it," Emmrich tells her. "I have it. The Blight will progress no further in you."

She rocks him on the floor for a full hour as he sobs with the heart-rending relief, clutching her as if afraid to ever let her go.

When Rook is forty-six, and Emmrich seventy-two, Emmrich claims that most of his smile lines are Rook's doing.

"And many of the worry ones, too," Rook teases gently, brushing her thumb over her favorite, the divot closest to his right eyebrow.

Decades of love settle over a person as tangibly as gravity: they are both radiant with it.

They watch the sun set together, as they have done hundreds of times, hand in hand. Emmrich waits until the last sliver of pink has left the clouds before he turns to Rook to speak.

"I have learned that my solution was flawed," Emmrich admits very quietly. "The Blight in you will be at bay only so long as I live."

The light of the first rising star is reflected in Emmrich's gleaming, tear filled eyes.

Rook raises their joined hands to her mouth, kissing the back of his.

"I am older than I ever thought I would live," Rook says tenderly. "This life is enough, love."

The words soften Emmrich's expression, but fail to touch the grief in his eyes.

"It is more than enough," Rook tells him, at fifty-two.

"You think I want to live in a world without you in it?" she tells him at fifty-six.

"I love you," she tells him, every day.

"Every word in every love poem ever written isn't enough to say just how much I love you."

Emmrich peers at her over his thick glasses, pausing in his reading of the book of sonnets.

"Should I stop, then?" Emmrich teases.

"No," Rook says, settling her head more comfortably in his lap.

He runs one knotted, shaking hand through her grey hair, presses a kiss to her forehead. Rook closes her eyes.

When Rook is fifty-seven, and Emmrich eight-three, he slips away in the night. She wakes, as always, with her hand in his. She lies quietly for a long time, her eyes bleakly dry, knowing that this time is the last.

Most deaths feel sudden, in the end.

And yet every griever knows: it is still possible, somehow, to survive the removal of a heart.

After Rook has stood for two hours at the funeral, crying mechanically and stopping just as suddenly, Manfred guides her away.

"It's time to sit down, Mother," Manfred tells her gently. "Would you like water? Tea?"

Even fifteen years after beginning his travels, Manfred still sounds so much like Emmrich. The place where her heart is meant to be aches. Rook lets him settle her in a chair, and bring her the blend of tea that he designed just for her.

"There are two more bequeathments to distribute from Father's will," Manfred tells her. "He wanted both to be delivered by my hand."

The first is an elegant leather-bound book, intricately tooled, with fine gilded additions. It's carved with both their favorite flowers, intertwined. Rook opens the cover with shaking hands.

The lines are labelled with a date, with a single sentence accompanying it, penned in Emmrich's fine hand. Each is a message to her. It began almost four years ago, but— the book is far too full. Every page is written in. Rook flips forward to find that Emmrich wrote a line for every day for the next three decades.

"He should have spared himself the pain of writing so much," Rook says. "The Blight will have me far sooner than that!"

Manfred silently hands her an envelope. On its front is written:

To my darling Rook.

Rook reads the letter. She stares at Manfred, uncomprehending.

Manfred embraces her, pressing his forehead to hers in his version of a kiss to the cheek.

"The Blight won't take you at all, Mother," Manfred says gently. "He transferred the spell to me eight months ago."

Through a veil of tears, Rook sees that every neat line in Emmrich's book ends the same way.

I love you.

[sirfrogsworth]

Let's talk about screens and eye comfort.

@krakenartificer wrote this in response to my motivated lighting post.

Maximum-visibility lighting is also accessible lighting. I cannot turn the brightness on my screen up any more than it is -- even a few seconds of a light-mode app at 75% brightness will give me a migraine. I believe you when you say that the train-light photos are legible to you. But with my screen at ~50% brightness in a medium-dim room, that second one, with the bright-white light, is already painful to look at. And since my pupils have constricted to protect me, I can't see almost anything else going on there.

I already mentioned that if people are having issues seeing dark elements in their content, their room may be too bright. That is a strategy to get the highest quality viewing experience, but it may not be the most comfortable for people with various eye sensitivities.

So I'm going to address eye comfort over image quality in this post.

I think many people have a misconception about the brightness setting on their display. Often people will turn it up and down depending on the content they are viewing. If something has a really bright element, they may turn it down. If something is too dark, they may turn it up.

That isn't really how display brightness is meant to work. This setting is meant to maintain picture quality and contrast as much as possible while raising and lowering the overall intensity of the display. And the intensity is meant to be adjusted according to the viewer's environment, not what is on the screen from moment to moment.

You want the intensity of light in the room to match the brightness of your screen.

Some people prefer to adjust their screen a little brighter than ambient so it is a little more legible. But that is a personal preference.

So if you are in a dark room, you'd turn the brightness down.

If you are out in bright sun, you'd turn your brightness up.

If your screen is displaying near white or pure white and it hurts your eyes, that usually means your room is too dark. A brighter ambient environment can help make "light mode" more comfortable. Try turning on some lights or going to a brighter space and see if it helps.

However, some people do not feel comfortable in brighter rooms. This is when you might consider "bias lighting." This is a soft light source behind your screen that you can adjust to the maximum tolerable brightness to keep your eyes from going into night vision mode or max dilation.

It's better if the bias lighting is spread out rather than using a small light source like a night light. Small light sources feel much more intense and can add to eye strain. You want the light to cover a large surface area.

String lights across a wall work well.

Or you can bounce a light off a wall or ceiling to diffuse and spread it out. Many people just put a light behind their TV and light up the wall behind it.

The idea is to make the room *feel* dark while still having enough light to keep your pupils from opening up and feeling like any sudden bright light source is blasting you in the eyeballs. Your pupils prefer gradual adjustments to light and dark. If you go straight from a dark scene to a bright scene without any bias lighting, your eyes might feel a bit melty.

If you are *still* uncomfortable with white on your screen and have a particularly strong eye sensitivity, then you might consider sacrificing picture quality for comfort.

Turning down your brightness is not a great solution because it makes *everything* darker. Again, the brightness of your screen should be close to the room lighting.

Typically, to get the highest quality image you want to adjust your screen so the blacks are as black as possible and the whites are as white as possible without losing any detail.

Rtings has a guide for monitors and TVs for this.

They have two patterns for black and white point adjustment.

They look like this.

You want to see bars all the way up until the reference point.

The white point is most commonly called "contrast" in display settings. Sometimes there will be a contrast adjustment AND a white point adjustment. In that case, the white point only deals with the brightest highlights and the contrast will affect all whites.

But if you have really sensitive eyes... forget the charts. Forget peak image quality.

Instead, try lowering your contrast and reducing the intensity of *only* the white elements rather than darkening everything.

The picture might look a little gray and dull, but you won't lose as much legibility in the shadow areas. You are just turning down the brightest stuff to make your eyes more comfy.

Max white point...

Lowered white point...

And if you still need to turn down your screen brightness, you can raise the black point to keep more detail in the shadows.

Again, that might not look great, but it will keep your eyes comfortable and you will be able to make out all the details you need to see.

You might also consider adjusting the color temperature of your screen to be warmer. Blue light is higher frequency and more energetic. Which means it can pierce and glare more than warmer light. So shifting things to the orange could also bring some comfort to sensitive eyes. Search for a “Warm” mode, “Eye Comfort” mode, or Night Shift settings.

Most TVs and monitors have these adjustments. Sometimes they call them different things, so you may have to do some googling. (God forbid tech companies ever agree on a standard.)

And if you are on a phone or laptop, you may need a special app to adjust these specific things. I would research "how to reduce white point" for whatever device you are using.

To review...

Adjust your ambient room lighting first. Brighter ambient room lighting can make bright white elements on your display more comfortable.

Display "brightness" should be adjusted to your lighting environment, not the content on screen.

If you don't like bright rooms, bias lighting behind your display can keep your eyes from going into night vision mode. This can prevent bright screen elements from being too intense or glaring.

If you have eye sensitivity issues, try all of the above first, and then consider lowering your contrast or white point setting. This will dim only the brightest elements on screen without making everything else too dark.

If you need to lower the screen brightness AND white point/contrast, you may lose detail in the shadows as well. You can try raising the black point to compensate. This is a worst case scenario and will probably not look great.

Consider warmer color temperature settings to reduce glare from high-frequency blue light.

[sirenwriter]

Tsukishima as a lover~

Summary: headcannons of overall days and moments with your boyfriend Tsukishima Kei~

T.W/genres: fluff, sexual implications, headcannons, Tsukishima x fem reader.

MDNI-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima is a type of lover who kisses your tears to make you feel happy.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima is a lover who DOESN'T listen to your problems because he ALREADY knows what you are going through and make sure he does his best to give solutions and comfort.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima is the person who plans EVERYTHING to a date but everything in the venue, including the food, feels like you chose it. Like it was you who planned…

⎚-⎚He of course would let you pick everything if you want but not on periods tho.

You are on paid leave and services on his watch. You want something? He will buy it fir you.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima is type of lover who would learn recipes, so you don't have to order from outside at 3:00am.

Somehow his cooking is much better than fast food.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima is the type of lover who randomly kisses your soft spots when alone at home with you.

Stupidly smirking at your worked up flustered face.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima is a lover who likes to give you hickeys based on his individual scores on volleyball. And bites based on his individual losses. So you better cheer him during matches.

Though during heat moments he may have given you a lot more than he scored and you can count.

Definitely gives you a hickey when you go out. It's his instinct not as possessive lover ;nope, never; but as how gorgeous and ravishing you look at every twirl and pose for the photo.

⎚-⎚He is to tease the heck out of you during bed times. Until you start to cry out frustration and denial, and loves when you beg him for release “tsukishima pleasepleaseplease god i wanna cumm so bad, I-I will do anything please~ah~pleas-”  “Anything?~” “ANYTHING PLEASE~”. 

He kisses you a lot though your edges and finally gives MIND BLOWING orgasms after Orgasms until you say you are satisfied. Yet he will still go a few times just to make sure.

Will put you in the bathtub and while you relax and soak, he changes sheets and brings over some snacks and water along with some medical stuff for hickeys.

⎚-⎚Tsukishima will moan there is no doubt especially if you switch up and you are in the top. This man's moans are delectable and soft. Once you hear it you will lose your mind.

⎚-⎚After his hectic volleyball matches, expect him to snuzzle his face on your chest. Too exhausted to communicate.

Smiling slightly at your soft kisses and feeling your fingers run through his head.

⎚-⎚During his bad matches, he collapses on your lap. His face hidden your lap, tears softly streaming down his eyes on your clothes fabric. Finally feeling better to be in your embrace. Two of you fall asleep tangled in each other's arms.

[lavandulawrites]

Yandere OCs When You are on Your Period

Yandere loser (Adrain) x reader, yandere water elf/ Nøkken (Eilif) x reader, yandere botanist/ florist (Oliver ) x reader, yandere elf/ Huldra (Sigurd) x reader, yandere surgeon (Ulrik) x reader (all separate)

I’m on my period rn so I thought this was fitting.

Masterlist Original Characters Masterlist

Warnings: female reader,

Adrian/ yandere loser

He has no experience with periods other than his mum. He did do it rather well in biology, so he isn’t that oblivious. He is however not prepared whatsoever.

When your period first starts he is in a constant state of panic. He is frantically googling both symptoms and solutions. He wants to be the best boyfriend ever and he is not going to do so half hearted.

He will buy lots of period products, way more than you need. When you tell him you don’t need that much he will get visibly embarrassed. He stocks up on chocolate and other snacks and he baked you cookies.

He is all over you, clinging to you like a koala. You play video games together and watch Studio Ghibli movies. He will make sure you are as comfortable as possible, he is very a bit awkward but he means well.

Eilif/ yandere water elf (Nøkken)

Eilif is not a human so periods are rather foreign to him. Despite him being well over 1500 years, he has never really dealt with periods (but he hasn’t been oblivious to its existence).

He dedicates his nights to study the female body through his large collection of books. He will get his hands on some menstrual products as he cannot have his precious darling bleed through her garments.

He will make you some medicine from various plants and herbs, a recipe that has been perfected throughout centuries.

He is worried about you at first. Even if he has read about periods, it is something else seeing it. Eilif is not squeamish by any means (he does after all eat humans from time to time), but the scent of your blood worries him. He knows it’s natural, but he thinks it’s unfair that human women have to suffer so much and not the men. He has met more men throughout his long life, than what you could ever imagine and the majority of them has been disgusting. As a male he makes it his duty to make your menstruation as comfortable as possible. You deserve no less.

Oliver/ yandere botanist/ florist

Oliver has two sisters so periods are something he is quite familiar with.

He already has plenty of pads and tampons way before you start your period (it’s important to be prepared). He bakes you whatever you might crave and he has snacks ready before you even ask.

He will gift you beautiful flower bouquets and the plushie you have been eyeing for a while. Oliver will make you take painkillers if you are cramping a she cannot stand to see you in pain.

If you don’t have any energy and your cramps are bad, he will make you stay at home. He can take care of you and besides missing work for a day isn’t too bad is it? He is a big cuddler so expect to be wrapped into a blanket burrito that may or may not restrict your movement.

Sigurd/ yandere elf (Huldra)

Sigurd has been with a handful of human women, so he has experience with periods (though he left the women for the mostly to themselves as he didn’t really have any feelings for them).

You however are someone he cares very deeply about. He does some research about periods in village library. He reads through old and new texts till he has enough information to be able to take proper care of you.

He is new to showing romantic affection towards a loved one, but given his confident attitude he doesn’t struggle too much.

He will cuddle with you without your asking (you know he can never say no to holding you). He will prepped your face with kisses as you lay in foster position with horrible cramps. He will never get over how adorable you are! You are so weak and compliant, it truly makes his heart ache with love. He won’t help you with your cramps, other than giving you some medicine (god knows where he got it from) and talk your ear off. His endless yapping does help you get your mind on something else, so you won’t complain too much.

Ulrik/ yandere surgeon

Ulrik is a doctor so periods is something he is knowledgeable about. With his photographic memory he will remember all details about your period and he will do his best to meet your needs to the best of his ability.

He is rather strict and will have to take painkillers even if you don’t want to. You are to rest in bed if you have cramps. He is rather overbearing, but you don’t have the heart to say no to him. Not when he is so sweet towards you (totally not his intention…).

If you ask him nicely, he will give in and give you some of the food you are craving. Other than that he will cook you food that is both nutritious and delicious.

He has stacked up on all different kinds of menstrual products (obviously only the best brands). If you feel extra cuddly, he won’t ever say no to cuddles. Your cramps feel a little bit better as you snuggle underneath a blanket with a heating pad and Ulrik’s arms wrapped around you.

[strwberri-milk]

Hey Berri! i've been a silent reader for some time and I just love your work! 💕

Could I please request a reader, with Rafayel Zayne and Sylus who struggles with hair loss due to stress and anxiety. And constantly cuts their hair out of frustration because they think they're not pretty enough. And constantly having to pick up stray hairs from their clothes/floor. How would they react/support them?

Have a wonderful day, you beautiful human! ❤️

- Z

i think theyd all be quite similar bc i like to think they all comfort you in similar manners?? just w their own special touch

He'll try and help reduce your stress if he can. He can understand that you're in a difficult situation and that you're struggling with not just stress from your life, but also difficult in navigating your own body as it works against you.

Sylus, Zayne, and Xavier do tend to be more solution oriented. He'll present things you can do or see if there's a way to help mitigate your hair loss. If that's not feasible, he'll just do things to control your environment and try to lessen your stress in hopes that it makes things better.

Caleb and Rafayel are just a touch more emotional. He'll definitely be able to produce solutions for you but his method of comforting you tends to be lots of kisses and hugs. Additionally, he'll always tell you that you can vent at him whenever you're feeling upset.

He'll offer himself up to you emotionally basically whenever you need him. He loves you and he wants you to know that no matter what, he's going to be here for you. He doesn't mind having to help clean up after you and honestly, I see all of these men (minus Rafayel who will start cleaning up a little more often) already having some sort of weekly cleaning routine and doing general upkeep when they can so it's not even like you're doing anything that's going go severely change his routine much.

He also always makes sure to make positive comments about your hair. He doesn't ever mind the length and, depending on who you are, suggest shaving it if he thinks that might be an option you might be interested in taking. He'll reassure you that he doesn't care if you have a shaved head and as long as you're happy, he's happy and he genuinely means it.

[liltalle]

I'm waking up my lionsec now after thinking I was a Badger for a long time, so let me pull out my intuition on this...

The correct approach to me feels direct, and not because there are not alternate paths, but because you have to strike at the heart of things. As I've gotten more sophisticated, I've been able to see more complex and abstract paths... but the correct ones always feel clear at the end. It may have taken a lot of reasoning to get to a decision, but the solution feels like a sword, distilled to a sharp edge that's simple but responsive to your hand. If you're making a plan with several independent steps, it's likely to break. And if you avoid the difficult parts of a challenge, you're probably not actually solving it.

(This is why therapy for me has mostly been directly facing down my demons again and again. I get a feeling like there might be something here I need to face, and, well, I might as well deal with it at some point, repression doesn't really work, so into the pit we go, right now even if I'm not thoroughly exhausted and exercising a lot of restraint to be sensible. It's been so exhausting, and maybe imprudent from several angles, but after years of that I'm doing really well and really comfortable with my shadow so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

To paraphrase Miyamoto Musashi, if you pick up a sword thinking you're going to parry and block and spin, you're not going to win. The point of picking up a sword is, in his words, to cut the enemy. (It feels even more clear to me as "kill the enemy", if that is what you're trying to do.) Every move should be clearly in your mind moving closer to the thing you're trying to do.

Now, I think an inexperienced lionsec can trudge through all sorts of effort trying to do things the hard way even when that's not necessary. But if I try to think about doing things more efficiently, my brain just tells me, "well of course, that's the more direct way". If you're wasting time and energy, it's less direct, it's less pure. So I think more creative lionsec problem-solving can think in more dimensions, but it's still looking for the shortest path from A to B. I've come up with some wild schemes in my time, but I'm realizing, as much as I wanted to feel like a mastermind, I never got very far adding epicycles, the core concept felt like the clear thing to do, seeing that took more courage, after my intuition caught hold of the possibility, than planning creativity later on.

I'm imagining a creative lionsec, knowing a snakesec well, would appreciate their methods as higher-dimensional-most-direct-solutions. That does feel like how my single-player snakesec model has worked. The conceptual language snakes actually think in though... I'm still a little confused by.

(The amount of emphatic bold I felt the need to put in this... it's impressive that I didn't notice for this long.)

Alright, I spent the last few days obsessively going through the lion secondary tag. And I’m still confused. Why do you guys do the battering ram thing? I mean, at any given moment I can probably tell you two or three different ways to get things done that would be easier, and maybe one that would be more fun. Do you honestly not see these options? Or is it more like you don’t care about them once you’ve chosen your way?

I asked my lion friend, and they said that if they tried other ways, they’d go back to their original way in the end anyway. And if they don’t, they wouldn’t feel like they did the thing. Which I don’t understand. The thing is done, and they are responsible for it being done. So they did the thing. The how doesn’t really matter; it’s the thing being done that matters. Isn’t it?

[posiescosycorner]

you, me and the guy from work

pairing: katsuki bakugo x reader/ shouto todoroki x reader

summary: You control the elements, live with your best friend and might be falling for your co-worker. It's fine. You're totally fine.

prologue

Bakugo was not not happy that Kirishima finally pulled his head out of his ass and asked Mina out. He had suffered enough the past four years, watching the moony eyed idiot pine and pine away for a person so clearly interested in him but did the idiot really have to move in with her. More specifically, leave him significantly roommate-less. 

He was a pro hero now. A damn good one at that, slowly creeping towards the top, just as he planned. Money wasn’t exactly hard to come by but he was used to Ei being in his space, used to not coming back to an empty home. It was a comfort. It was something to rely on after the hell he went through. 

Here he was in Ei and Mina’s new apartment surrounded by the idiots he called friends, absolutely shit faced in the name of a house warming. He grunted as Denki leaned on him, singing some god awful song in a god awful voice, smelling every bit as the bottle of whiskey he downed. 

The idiots. 

He places the blonde against the sofa, as he continues waxing poetic about true love as he goes to get some water in the kitchen. He sees Eijirou with his arms around Mina, pressing a kiss onto her forehead as they sway in the kitchen to the beats of Denki’s offensive singing. 

“I can’t decide whats worse,” he starts, “watching you two eggheads pine after each other or this.” Eijirou and Mina, burst out of their bubble, turn to him looking absolutely flushed. 

“Whatever blasty,” Mina says pulling his cheeks, “You’re just jealous you have to share your boyfriend.” 

A crash sounds from the hall. Mina sighs and goes to check on the damage. Not before pressing a final kiss to Eijirou’s lips as he watches her go with the most lovesick expression Bakugo has the misfortune of experiencing. 

He gags. 

“You’re so disgustingly in love.” he states, before going to the fridge to grab some water. 

It just makes Kirishima smile brighter, knowing the blonde well enough to understand he was happy for him. 

“Man, you just know. You know,” he breathes out, head still in the clouds, “ With someone you love so much, the big decisions don’t seem so big. You’re just impatient for the next step.” 

“God you’re such a sap,” Bakugo says, punching the red-head’s shoulders. 

“Hey man, I’m really sorry for skipping out on you so quickly.” Kirishima says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. He knew Bakugo did not cope well with change.But, he’d recently found a solution to Bakugo’s problem. 

“If anything, I’m glad I don’t get a front row seat to whatever I walked into” he quips back with no real malice. Kirishima could see the fondness in his eyes. He wishes more people could see what him and his friends could see in Bakugo. 

He wasn’t just gruff Pro Hero Dynamight (having dropped Great Explosion Murder God after the war), he was Katsuki Bakugo. Gruff, grumpy and soft in his own ways. 

Kirishima knew Katsuki would get lonely, and do absolutely nothing about it. He knew he wasn’t good at friend stuff. He knew he needed someone who could see past his rough edges and gruff demeanor. 

“(Y/N)’s moving back to Musutafu,” Kirishima says,”She’s looking for a roommate. Call her.” 

And just like that, Bakugo feels like he’s back in UA. Where for the first time, he felt weak, blasts useless against the water you wielded against him while vines crawled up his legs and paralyzed him. Where you sparkled like a goddamn star in the pretty pink dress you called your hero costume. Where you never backed down from his temper and shovelled your way into his heart with the flowers that grew on you when you were happy. 

He’d call you his best friend. But then the war happened, where he saw you float into the sky, glowing gold as the elements submitted to you as you tore through the enemy lines after you saw him collapse. You, beautiful, strong and ablaze with power he had never thought possible. 

He still considered you a good friend, occasionally talking to you on call. You wished each other on your birthdays. You had the occasional video call.

Why in the fuck would you not tell him you’re back?

authors note: this oc has been swirling in my mind for so long. I just wanted to write about flora, basically the lovechild of aang from avatar and flora from the Winx club. thank you for reading <3 I hope you are as excited for this story as I am. chapter 1 coming tomorrow ps: I'm still figuring Tumblr out lol but happy to be creating instead of consuming with love, posie

[guillotinna]

Must Have Been the Wind

Mammon x f!reader

Suggestive drabble | not proofread

Summary: To calm your stressed boyfriend, you whip out the only solution you can think of.

"If he wanted it done perfectly, he shouldn't have asked me. He knows that! And here he is, surprised I didn't meet his impossible standards!"

"Mammon-"

"You've noticed lucifer has been extra unbearable lately too right? It's not just me? Because I heard from Beel-"

"Mammon, look at me"

You sigh as the demon in front of you continues pacing and wildly gesturing as he continues his rant. You weren't even sure what Mammon was going on about. He just barged into your room and started listing whatever complaints about his brothers that have piled up over the week. You tried to get him to slow down and actually talk to you, knowing that he could get a little carried away, but that was clearly not working this time.

"-and it's not like HE doesn't do the exact same thing! How can he be mad at me?! He's a hypocrite is what he is-"

Ok, this needed to stop, so you did the only logical thing in the moment.

With your body turned to your still-ranting boyfriend, you pulled up your top, revealing the perfectly form fitting lacy bra you had on underneath.

After calling your boyfriends name, more sternly this time, he finally stopped long enough to look at you, sentence dying almost immediately.

"Im never helping him again. He is such a-......a um...he's"

You roll your eyes at the fact that mammon still has the ability to try to keep his ramblings going, so you resorted to your last option. While maintaining eye contact, you reached behind to pop the clasp on the bra. You hold back a snicker as your boyfriends eyes follow the item like a predator observing its prey.

"W-what um what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, I just wanted to be more comfortable, that's all. Keep talking." you say with a sly smile, knowing your plan had worked. The demon in front of you may be hundreds of years old, but he was still in his prime, and a pair of nice tits was going to do it for him every single time. Especially yours. He quickly sits down on the coffee table in front of you, knees touching and eyes eager. If the man had a tail, it would be wagging. "Keep talking, baby, don't mind me." "No, it's ok, I was done anyways," he said to your chest. Yeah, right. At least he finally shut up. You bring a hand to his knee as the other finds his cheek to lift his gaze towards yours. "Are you sure? You seemed pretty worked up. " Much to your delight, the demon lets out a shaky exhale as he reassures you that he is now fine. With your work done and crisis averted, you pull your shirt back down sans bra and go back to your phone but not without a loud "hey wait!" From your boyfriend.

[daydreamsandafternoonteafics]

Crossroads- Chapter 15

banner by shesaidpoptarts

MASTERLIST

Harry's POV

This house was too big and too damn quiet. 

Silence never bothered me before. I always hated the labor of small talk, and the absence of sound gave my brain a break from the endless spreadsheet of figures that often consumed my thoughts. It was comfortable.  

But this- this was different. This was emptiness, a void. 

I could always count on River’s presence to fill those little gaps of stillness. The buzz of a hand mixer or the sizzle of a frying pan drifting from the kitchen, the padding of her feet against the floorboards, and gentle snores that passed her lips when I finally settled in bed long after she'd fallen asleep. 

She was always there until she wasn't.  

I'd had 48 hours to accept the fact that River had left me, but I was still paralyzed with denial.

I woke to a cold bed, knowing she'd slept warm and peaceful somewhere else, stumbled about the day with a pathetic token of hope that I'd return home and find her in the kitchen, hunched over the stove and balancing a cookbook on her beautiful bump but as the front door slammed soundly behind me, all that was there waiting for me was painful silence. 

I wasn't even sure if I felt angry or sad- I was more stunned than anything. I just couldn't believe she'd actually left. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, I couldn’t deny that me and Riv's marriage had been on the rocks for a while now. Pointless arguments, ice-cold silent standoffs that lasted for days, and going to bed annoyed with each other had become our new normal. 

We'd been going in circles for so long, never finding a real solution to our problems. It was only a matter of time before we reached our breaking point. 

River was always at my neck about working too much and not spending enough time with her. She'd been so proud of me when I first got put on at the firm, bragging to everyone she knew, but when the late nights and business trips started to pick up, her attitude changed, and so did mine. 

Sure, I was guilty of obsessing over my work, but that didn't mean I loved River any less. She didn't understand how hard I was working to move up the career ladder. I busted my ass every day, spending hours and hours on research and data, meticulously drafting proposals, and keeping up with clients- all with little to no recognition.

I was going nowhere fast, climbing the corporate ladder with a box of rocks tied to my back, each step more painful and laborious than the last. It wasn't fair to have all these bloody responsibilities in the office and then come home to a nagging wife demanding all my attention.

Maybe I could be snappy and irritable, and I wasn't always the most fun to be around, but River would never understand the amount of stress I was under. Our professions were worlds apart. Making a batch of cupcakes every now and then doesn't require nearly as much dedication and hard work as my proposals. 

Riv had it so easy. Being able to stay home and cook all day was a privilege not many women could afford in this economy. She should be thanking me for being a provider, but I guess that just wasn't good enough for her.

I tossed my briefcase on the hall tree, sighing heavily as I loosened my necktie. The exhaustion of the day seemed to hit me like a tidal wave, that familiar sharp, throbbing pain gathering between my brows. My stomach rumbles, a reminder of how little I’d put on my stomach today.

It wasn’t exactly easy to eat when you’re swamped with business models and grappling with the fact that your wife has left you. 

River always kept the kitchen impeccably clean, one of the golden rules she’d learned in culinary school. Her favorite copper pots hung over the stove, polished to perfection, and glass jars of sugar, flour, and grain were neatly organized near the cupboards, not a crumb or smudge clung to the marble countertops. I was the messy one. When we first moved in together, she'd nearly bite my head off for leaving dishes in the sink. 

God, I'd give anything to go back to a time when the biggest argument between us was over some bloody dirty dishes. 

I pull open the heavy fridge, scanning the contents for something quick I can grab. Everything is organized and dated- cartons of raspberries and blueberries that had gone mushy, a jar of homemade pesto, air-tight containers of shredded roast chicken- they were all little reminders of River. 

I didn't know when she was coming back or if she was coming back. Time would pass, the food would expire and I'd still be without her. 

My eye catches a glimpse of the thirteen-week ultrasound I'd proudly secured to the fridge and I quickly lose the little appetite I had. Seeing the image of our little lad makes it very clear what we'd been fighting about lately. 

When Riv first told me she was pregnant, I absolutely flipped. I should have reacted better but I felt blindsided.

Early on, we’d toyed with the idea of having kids one day, but not any time soon, and certainly not now. I'd grown to love the little gumdrop I'd planted in her womb. I was so chuffed about having a son. The only thing that gave me joy lately was watching River’s belly swell with each passing week- but I just wish we'd waited.

I was hoping to get VP before I'd have to slow down. I could become one of the youngest at the firm but now all my chances were shot. I purposely hadn't mentioned anything about having a baby at the office because no one would take me seriously or consider me for upcoming projects if they knew. Kids required so much- they got sick easily, needed childcare when school was out, and had extracurricular activities in the afternoon- my career would never be the same. 

What the fuck was I thinking bringing River to the gala? No one would have known she was pregnant if we'd just stayed home, and maybe she'd still be here with me. 

The throbbing pain in my head intensifies, and the only thing left to do is go to bed. Maybe this is just one big nightmare. Maybe if I go to sleep, I'll wake up and everything will be back to normal. I trudge up the stairs, passing the room that would soon belong to our baby boy. If River were here, we’d be picking out furniture for the nursery. Now I wasn’t even sure if we’d still be together by the time our baby arrived or if my son would even live in the same household with me. 

Lying to her was necessary but maybe if I’d just told the truth or took the time off, I wouldn't feel so awful. 

I hadn’t made the bed since River left. She’d created an adorable little pillow fort near the wall. It was becoming more difficult for her to sleep comfortably during the night thanks to the backaches as the baby grew. A tiny voice of optimism told me to keep everything the way it was so she could easily curl back up in bed when she was ready to come home. It was the most pathetic wishful thinking. 

With a heavy sigh, I sink down on the mattress and take off my shoes before rummaging through the nightstand drawer for an Advil. It was the only temporary relief I could get when these massive headaches struck and I always kept a bottle in my desk drawer at the office. Riv used to bring me ginger tea for a more natural approach, worried I’d damage my liver with too many pills, but she stopped once I started shooing her away for interfering with my work. 

Maybe I was the world’s biggest tosser. 

I pop two into my mouth, swallowing them without water as I pull my mobile from my pocket. The message I’d sent River hours ago was still on read. I knew she said she needed time away but I figured reaching out would show her I cared- that I missed her. I thought it’d help her change her mind and maybe she’d give me a second chance but it was a bit premature for that. 

I think I’m gonna go mad if I continue to sulk in silence like this. I’m sure River was at her mum’s ranting to her about me as we speak, but I really had no family close by to vent my own concerns to. I scroll through my contacts, my thumb hovering over Mum's number. I loved my mum- she could be a real pain in the ass sometimes but talking to her would be better than nothing. 

The phone rang twice and I thought about hanging up but it was too late once the dial tone was interrupted.  

“Harry, darling, it's late,” Mum yawned into the receiver. 

I glance at the time on my screen. It was only 6:30 here but it had to be nearly midnight in Manchester. I'd been living in the States for so long, that I often forgot about the time zone difference between here and England.

“M'sorry to wake you, Mummy. I forget how late it is over there,” I sigh whilst swinging my legs into bed. 

The rustling of sheets crinkles over the receiver. She must have been in bed. 

“So why did you call? It's been some months since I've heard from you and River about the baby,” 

I try not to roll my eyes. Mum was always trying to guilt trip me about not calling or visiting enough. 

She never liked the idea of me going all the way to the States for university and she hated it even more when I fell in love with River and decided to stay permanently. Mum could be really smothering at times- she babied me. Keeping some geographical distance between us was the only way I felt I could breathe and be a man. 

“I just thought I'd call, as all,” I lied. “The baby is doing well. You're goin’ to have a grandson,” 

“A grandson?!” She squeals. “Oh Harry, that's so exciting! Your dad's going to be proper chuffed when I tell him,” 

I crack a small smile. 

“I'm very excited, Mum,” 

“You don't sound very excited, love,” 

The line goes silent between us. I hadn't meant to break so soon. 

“River is gone, Mum,” I sigh, running a hand over my face. 

I brace myself for Mum's reaction. She never really approved of River in the first place and she hadn't been too thrilled when we announced she was pregnant. This might be Mum's opportunity to say she warned me.

“Gone?” She questioned. “As in-” 

“As in she left me, Mum,”

I hear Mum yawn as if she's lost interest.  

“What happened? What did you do?” 

I'm surprised she hadn't assumed River was at fault. 

“It's a very long story,” I sigh. “She thinks I care more about my job than her and our boy. It's been going on for a while now. I wasn't there for her twenty-week appointment- I had to go out of town for business- and she was pissed off. I sorta lied about taking time off from work to make her feel better. She found out when we were at a merger gala and well, I think you can figure out the rest,”

The line goes silent for a while and I almost wonder if she'd fallen asleep.  

“So she left,” she starts slowly. “You two are calling it quits?” 

“I don't- I don't know, Mum. I don't want to. I want us to stay together.  I want us to be a family, I just didn't want to have a baby right now. God, I love her but I think she did it on purpose. I think she got pregnant on purpose,” 

My accusation probably gave Mum more ammunition to use against Riv in the future but it's how I feel. 

We weren't getting any younger. Maybe biological panic sunk in and she figured this was her last chance to have a baby, maybe she was bored or maybe she thought she could get me to stop working so much if she got pregnant. I knew she was taking birth control but what if she just decided to stop without telling me?

I'd never known River to be deceptive but I couldn't be sure. 

“ Hmm, I've had my suspicions. But I think this would have happened sooner if that truly were the case. I'm sure you played your role too,” 

I sigh, grabbing a fistful of my hair. 

“I don't know what to do, Mum,” I murmur.  “What if she doesn't come back? What if she takes our son away from me?” 

It was one of my biggest fears in this massive mess. Sure, I loved River and I wanted her to come home but I feared I'd fucked up beyond repair this time. I was so scared she'd cut me out of our son's life before he could even take his first steps. A scorned woman could deeply damage a man's life. 

Mum chuckles and I fail to see how my anguish is comical in any way. 

“You have nothing to worry about, my darling boy,” she assured. “You and I both know River can't afford a divorce on her cook salary. It'd take every penny she has saved up. But just in case, get yourself a good lawyer. God, I wish you'd listened to your dad and me and gotten a prenup,” 

“Muuum, I don't care about any of that. I just want River to come home,” 

I didn't see divorce as an option. I could be an asshole sometimes and River’s constant whining about my job got on my nerves but I didn't think things were that bad between us. In fourteen years,  this had been our first real breakup. That's gotta count for something. 

She huffs. 

“I'm just putting out feelers for the future. Next time, maybe you shouldn't lie. Your father did the same thing- working all the time, making promises he couldn't keep. River’s got a right to be miffed. I know I was,”

Mum was so confusing. One moment she's planning out our divorce, the next she's defending River.

She could never really decide if she liked or hated her. 

“I guess you're right, Mum,” I sigh again. “I'm sure you're knackered. I'll let you get back to bed,” 

“Okay, do call if you need anything, love,” She yawns. “ Your father and I will have to come and visit when the baby gets here. Hopefully, things will be solved between you and River by then - however it turns out,” 

I rest my head against a pillow, finally feeling some relief from my headache. 

“Goodbye, Mum,” 

I toss my mobile into the sea of disheveled sheets with a heavy groan. I don't know why I even bothered to call Mum. I only feel worse. 

River never would have left if I hadn't been so stupid. I fucked up. I guess it was left to me to fix things. 

***

“Hey there, stranger,” 

The clean scent of lavender and bergamot wafts past and I didn't have to look up from my cup of cold coffee to know who'd plopped down next to me. I glanced down at my Cartiér, there were still twenty minutes left on my break. I should be eating but I didn’t have an appetite. 

Another day has passed with no contact with River. 

I don't know what I was expecting. This clearly wasn't a minor lover's quarrel that could be solved with a few apologies. It was delusional of me to think it would be that easy. River had made it very clear that she didn't want anything to do with me right now but I was still trying to process everything she said.

The idea that I'd truly morphed into this awful person she possibly didn't want to be married to anymore and didn't want our son to turn out to be like that was hurtful. 

I didn't want to be alone. 

“Hey Chas,” I mumble, pushing a fallen curl out of my eyes. 

“I've been looking for you all morning,” She flashes her perfect smile before opening an obnoxiously loud plastic container of salad. “I thought we could go back over that financial report. I wanna make sure my numbers are correct,” 

Chastity was an analyst and the only woman at the firm who wasn't a secretary. She was only a couple of years out of college, and I'd taken her under my wing. She was incredibly smart- one of the brightest people I knew and we worked well together. 

Despite the conclusions River had jumped to when she saw us talking at the gala, our relationship was completely platonic. Sure, Chastity was objectively gorgeous,  but I was not sexually attracted to her. She wasn't attracted to me either or any other man for that matter. 

I respected Chastity on a professional level. She understood the world of banking, and I could talk to her about things River just couldn't understand.  

“ M’ sure it's fine. You're a math whiz,” 

I'd purposely holed up in my office all morning. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone and had only come to the breakroom for a little fresh air. 

She narrows her eyes at me as she drizzles a generous amount of ranch dressing on a bed of dodgy-looking lettuce.  

“Are you okay, H? You seem .. off. Another headache?” 

I rub the back of my neck with a heavy sigh. 

“ M’ fine,” I retorted. 

Chasity and I didn't talk very much about personal things. She knew I was married and not much else. I didn't even have photos of River in my office. I much preferred to keep my personal life separate from my professional one. 

A soft smile settles on her pink lips as she forks through her salad. 

“I'm a friendly ear if you need one,” She pokes at a cucumber. “We can only talk about numbers for so long,” 

I stare into the styrofoam cup. 

“I really messed up with my wife, s'all. I've made a massive mess of things,” 

“Ooo,” Chasity tutted whilst tossing her long ringlets over her shoulder. “Domestic squabbles. Not really my area of expertise. As long as you didn't do anything absolutely moronic, you should be fine,” 

Everyone was saying things would be fine. I just wasn't too confident. 

“She hasn't been home in days,” I confess. “Think that makes it pretty moronic,” 

Her arched brows raise in surprise. 

“Downright asinine. You'd better grovel,” 

“I met your wife at the gala on Saturday,  Styles. She's quite the looker,” 

I tear my gaze away from Chastity to see Keaton strolling into the breakroom, a company coffee mug in hand.

If everyone at the firm had to take a poll on who the most obnoxious co-worker was, Keaton would win by a landslide. He was the kind of guy whose ego entered the room before he did- overly confident, crass, and pretentious- with a Donald Trump spray tan to match. 

Keaton didn't really bother me so much as he did others. I knew a couple dozen blokes just like him at Columbia. Eventually,  you learn to indulge them. 

“ ‘Y did, yeah?” I ask, leaning back in my chair. 

“Yeah. She's pretty knocked up too,” He continued as he poured hot coffee into his mug.“You've never struck me as a family man, Styles. I don't know whether to congratulate you or pity you,” 

Chastity swallows a fork full of salad. 

“You're going to be a dad, H?” she grins. “Congratulations! Wait a minute, you pissed off your pregnant wife so bad she left the house? That's insane,”  

I shrug.

“I already admitted that I messed up,” 

A smug smirk tugs at Keaton's lips as he raises his mug. 

“ A two-for-one daddy and divorce special. Looks like next Labor Day you'll be down at Myrtle Beach looking for a new wife with the rest of us,” He quips.

I know it's inappropriate but a chuckle manages to escape my throat, eyes crinkling from laughter. It's the first time I've laughed in days and honestly, it feels cathartic. 

Chastity's pretty face contorted into a disgusted expression as if we'd punched her in the face. 

“Ugh, you two have no tact,” 

“Oh come on, Diaz,” Keaton taunts. “You know you secretly love the idea of Styles being single. He could be just the man to make you realize what you've been missin’ while playing for the other team,” 

She pushes herself away from the breakroom table before packing up her lunch. 

“I'm going to finish my lunch somewhere more civilized,” Chastity growls. 

I watch her stomp away and I just know I've made her shit list. Damn, I've been screwing up lately. 

I didn't want to risk having bad blood with probably the only woman who could tolerate me right now so I didn't bother excusing myself to head to Chastity's office. Through the crack of her office door, I watched her squinting at her laptop, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

“Chas, it's just a joke,”  I speak softly, nudging the door open. 

She glowers at me, a flash of anger in her usually warm brown eyes. 

“Yeah, it's just a joke. A tasteless, crude one at the expense of your poor pregnant wife who's probably broken up about all this. I thought you were different but I see you're just as awful as Keaton,” 

I suddenly grow annoyed. It seemed like everyone was taking  River’s side and only considering her feelings. I wasn't perfect and neither was she. Just because I was a man didn't mean I didn't have feelings. 

I place both hands on her desk, leaning forward. 

“She left me, Chas,” I sneer. “She left me and she didn't even shed a tear. This is what she wanted. Not me,” 

It deeply hurt me to watch River walk out of our home like it was nothing like the life we'd built together was a waste. 

“And why?” Chastity challenges “If you've been just as insensitive as you were back there, I don't blame her. I'd leave you too,” 

I sigh in defeat, running a hand through my hair. 

“She's always coming at me about spending too much time working but we really had it out at the gala. I lied to her about takin’ time off for the baby when I was actually going to try and get on the IPO project. She never would have found out if Bergen hadn't mentioned it.  Oh, and she thinks we're havin’ an affair, too,” 

Saying it out loud makes it sound even more ridiculous and old-fashioned. River's best friend was a guy whom she seemed to spend more time with than me. Sometimes, it made me jealous of how close they were, still I never once accused her of sleeping with Ryan. 

Her eyebrows furrow with confusion. 

“Us, having an affair? Now that's a joke that's actually funny. What on earth did you do that would make her think that?”

“She just saw us talking,” I shrug. “We don't discuss work when I'm at home or much else really. I guess she got jealous,” 

Chastity scoffs. 

“Jealous?” She rolls her eyes. “You big doofus. You're emotionally neglecting your wife, H. It might be a wrong conclusion, but if I had a partner who never talked to me and saw them talking to another woman, I'd feel some type of way too. Maybe you’re not cheating on her in the physical sense, but emotional cheating is just as bad. Y'know, opening up to someone else emotionally while shutting her out,” 

So, I guess nobody's going to take my side. 

“She wouldn't understand any of the things we talk about, Chas. She's a chef. Me talking to her about mergers and acquisitions would be like her trying to school me on sushi knives,” 

Chastity massages her temples with a sigh. 

“So why did you marry her if your jobs make you so incompatible? What does it matter? She doesn't give a damn if she understands mergers and acquisitions, she wants to spend time with you, H. I can bet you a hundred dollars that she didn't leave you because she wanted to. She left you because she wants you to man up and get a clue. Jesus Christ, Harry, you're too smart to be this dumb. At this rate, you will divorced and miserable at Myrtle Beach next Labor Day,” 

I pinch my bottom lip, absorbing her words. They were proper harsh, but maybe they were necessary. 

“Tell me what to do to fix things, Chas,” I sigh. “I can’t stand being alone like this,”

She reaches for a pen on her desk, clicking it soundly. 

“Looks like she's been alone much longer than you have. I don't think there's a generic guidebook on how to fix a marriage, but I do know emotional unavailability kills family units. If she's done with you and things are over, at least straighten up for your kid. You don't wanna fuck them up, do you?” She questions. 

I hated even remotely entertaining the idea that River was done for good with me. We'd been together for so long, that it was weird to even think about being with someone else.

I shake my head. 

“No. No, I don't,” 

Chastity's lips curve into a small smile. 

“You'll figure it out, H. By the way, what's the missus's name?” 

“River,” I reply, a gentle grin pulling at my lips. “We've been together since Uni. I really do love her, I just ’- I guess ‘m a jackass,” 

She chuckles. 

“ See, you’re already making progress. Self-awareness is a good first step,” 

***

I couldn't think of anything but my conversation with Chastity this afternoon. It was far more productive than talking to Mum. It was admittedly easier to have my flaws pointed out by someone other than River. Speaking with a neutral party made me more receptive and less defensive. 

I'd never seen our lack of conversation as emotional neglect. Quiet dinners and evenings in front of the telly with Mum and Gem, while Dad worked in his office, were the norm in our family. I never saw my parents having long conversations or even spending time together without me and my sister. Dad was always working. 

Mum never once complained. She seemed happy as long as Dad was keeping up our posh lifestyle. I guess I expected River to be the same way. 

There were things I knew I needed to fix, but I wasn't too confident I could easily dial back on my work. I had goals, and I couldn't meet them if I completely slowed down. Settling deep into fatherhood would require me to put all my goals on hold.  I didn't understand why River just couldn't be a little more patient, or we couldn't meet a level of compromise where I could have it all. 

There were still a few months left before the arrival of our baby boy. I'd have to get my priorities sorted out before then. In the meantime, I realized I couldn't expect River to contact me. I fucked up so it was my job to try and patch things up.

I needed to figure out what I was going to do with all this new alone time I had with River gone. It's a huge adjustment to go from being coupled up for over a decade to suddenly having no one but yourself. 

I dreaded going home, not wanting to be forced to sit in silence but I did anyway. I could order take away and watch television until my brain went numb or sit in agony and analyze everything that went wrong, picking apart each shattered piece of my fragile ego. 

I wasn't in the mood for the responsible option of self-reflection so I opted for something more self-pitying and destructive. 

I drank. 

River kept a decent stock of wines in the pantry to pair with a variety of different meals and since she hadn't been drinking for many months now, I figured I could dust off a couple of bottles. 

I went straight for the pinot noir and it only took two glasses before I got that delightful buzz that made me forget about things for a moment. It was an incredibly stupid decision considering I was the sappy, sentimental, needy sort of drunk who couldn't be left alone. 

It wasn't long before I started spiraling into a deep abyss of regret and self-loathing. Maybe I was an awful husband who couldn't own up to my flaws. Maybe I didn't deserve River and maybe I'd be shit at being a father too. I had to let her know that I could change and that nothing was going on between me and Chastity before she gave up on me.

Before she gave up on us. 

I rang her mobile twice, and both calls went directly to voicemail. River was either rejecting my calls, had her phone on airplane mode, or worse - she blocked me. 

I was panicking. Suddenly, a phone call just wasn't enough. I had to see her.  I staggered off the sofa and grabbed my car keys. There was a figurative tiny angel on my right shoulder telling me that this was a pants idea and I should just sleep away my wine-drenched misery, but the little devil on my left shoulder was far more persuasive. 

One of the things that sold me on moving to North Carolina was the beach. I'd grown tired of the pollution and crowdedness of New York City after so many years, thinking I was ready for slow living, but I hardly ever was at the beach unless River and I were visiting her mum. 

On our first spring break as a couple, River insisted on flying down so I could meet her mum and see where she grew up. It was the best week, spending our days and nights by the ocean. Not that I had any prior doubts, but that spring break vacation made it crystal clear to me that River was the only woman  I wanted to be with. 

Being in love had been so easy back then. Why did things have to become so complicated? Why couldn’t every day feel like spring break?

The sun had set when I pulled up to the boardwalk. People were still enjoying the last rays of sunlight- a group of teenage kids were having a lively bonfire, an elderly couple taking a stroll along the shore. I scanned the beach, looking for River in case she decided to take a walk after dinner. When I didn’t spot her, I knew she had to be inside. 

I got a ridiculous amount of sand in my loafers getting out of the Rover, tracking the remains along the cobblestone steps that lead up to the three-story hotel. The service sign on the door read closed, but I was still able to open the creaky wooden door. The lobby was empty, with no patrons lingering and no receptionist at the desk. Hanging on the wall above a set of chairs was a picture of Kate and River, standing outside the hotel, big smiles on their face. Riv couldn’t have been older than ten, her hair plaited into two pigtails. Some people had to grow into their looks, but she had always been beautiful. 

When I realize no one’s going to come to the desk, I take the liberty to ring the service bell- several times and very loudly. It was honestly kinda fun. 

“Sir, we’re closed,” An older woman with white hair huffs in annoyance, emerging from one of the rooms behind the desk.“There are no vacancies for the night. You can come back tomorrow to see if someone’s checked out, or I can take your name and number and give you a call when there’s a room ready,” 

“Don’t want a room,” I hiccup.  “M’ here to see River,” 

The woman narrows her big brown eyes at me, smoothing a hand over the stiff collar of her crisp white blouse.

“You must be Harry,” 

A small grin pulls at my lips. 

“How’d y’know? How do you know me?” 

She rolls her eyes before reaching for the desk phone and dialing a few numbers. 

“I've heard quite a bit about you, young man,” She retorts, pressing the phone to her ear. 

A beat of silence passes before she speaks. 

“River, you have a gentleman visitor. Yes, him. I'll let him know,” 

I hold my breath as the woman slams down the receiver. 

“She said she'll be down in a few minutes.  Would you like anything while you wait? Perhaps some coffee to sober up?” 

She kinks a judgemental eyebrow, but I don't even care. I'm just glad River agreed to see me. 

“No thanks….” I squinted at the silver name tag attached to her blouse. “ Uhh, A-dell. Adele. Like the singer! I love her,” 

“I'll be in my office if you do need anything at all,”  Adele speaks before disappearing behind the desk once more. 

I pick up a brochure of Real Estate properties in Willmington, mindlessly flipping through the pages while I waited. I had so much I needed to say to River, but my mind just froze up. What could I say that would be good enough to make her come home?

The agining staircase creaked and I turned my attention to the beauty descending. Her hair was pulled back into a high bun, a tropical print silk robe draped around her shoulders, and her adorably round bump. Her eyes were puffy, as if she hadn’t slept and her pretty face held an annoyed expression.

“What do you want, Harry,?” River hissed, placing a hand on her bump. “It’s late. I thought I told you I needed space?”

My heart sank noticing she wasn’t wearing her wedding rings. I’d seen her admiring the solitaire diamond in a shop window when we were vacationing in London two years before I proposed. A day before we were set to fly back, I brought it with all confidence she’d be my fiancée one day. 

Now she wouldn’t even wear it.

“ Needed t’ see you,” I stammer, stepping closer. “‘S been nearly three days; I want you to come home,”

The closer I come, the further she backs away. 

“I told you, I’m not coming home yet, Harry. I made it very clear. I need time to think,"

I frown. 

“But ‘M lonely. This is just a silly lil’ fight, darling. Let’s just forget about it, Riv,”

Her hazel eyes narrow into tiny slits, arched eyebrows furrowing as she crosses her arms over her bump. 

“You’re drunk, Harry. This is pathetic. Go home,”

“I am drunk,” I hiccup. “Drunk in love with yoou. I never cheated on you with Chastity. We’re just friends.  And- And I won’t take that IPO project if you don’ want me to. I’ll wait till the baby gets older. I just want us to be a happy family and you’re ruining it by bein’ so bloody-minded,”

I scan River’s face for any hint of persuasion but she doesn’t seem impressed by my heartfelt confession. In fact, by the tears brimming her lashes, I can conclude I’ve upset her. 

“Please, Harry,” River sniffs. “Please leave me alone,” 

She turns her body away from me. I grab her arm. 

“Please, jus’ listen to me, River Dawn,” I beg. 

Heavy stomping on the staircase fills the lobby and we both turn to see Kate, jogging down the steps, a look of pure rage in her ice-blue eyes. 

“Get your hands off my daughter and get the hell off my property,” She barks. 

I hold my hands up in surrender. The last thing I wanted was a confrontation with my mother-in-law.

“I jus’ wanna talk,” I speak softly. 

Kate steps closer and now it’s my turn to back away. 

“You’ll talk to my daughter when you can treat her with some respect. I trusted you with River. I treated you like a son but I see right through that good guy facade. I know everything! You’ve been a shitty husband, treating my daughter like a second-class citizen, making her feel like she’s not important. She’s shed so many wasted tears over you. I found her stumbling around the beach like a zombie because of your lies! You’ve robbed her of the joys of her first pregnancy, stressing her out with your bullshit, breaking her spirit. The best thing she can do for herself is get rid of you for good,” 

As long as I’d known her, Kate was very laid back and calm. She was the polar opposite of my uptight neurotic Mum, and it was refreshing. I’d never seen her like this before. She was in full Mama Bear mode, inches away from face; She looked so much like River. If River had been possessed by satan. 

I quickly grew angry. It wasn’t fair that everyone got to dump on me. There were two sides to every story and River wasn’t completely innocent. 

“ S’ not my fault she’s so needy,” I scoff. “Maybe if you would have given your daughter the attention she needed as a girl she wouldn’t be on my dick all the time and I’d be able to work in peace!”

I meet her cold gaze, matching the intensity. Kate was a small woman but I was honestly a bit fearful she’d kick my ass right then and there. 

“Don’t talk to my mother like that, Harry,” River warns. 

A frightening grin settles on Kate's face. 

“It’s alright, sweetie,” She speaks calmly, briefly turning to River before turning back to me. “If that’s the way you really feel, I’ll make sure my daughter has the best lawyer money can buy so she’ll never have to be on your dick again,”

Fuckin’ hell, I think I’ve done it this time. 

Tears have streamed down River’s face, and she won’t even look at me. My whole body is frozen with panic. I think my biggest fear was about to come true. I might never see my son, and things between us might be completely over.

She gently squeezes her mum’s arm, pulling her away from me.

“I told you to go, Harry. Just go,” 

I don’t even bother to give her a lingering look before stumbling out of the building, my eyes prickly and wet with tears. The sun has fully set now, the glow of the silver moon illuminating the waves below. The elderly couple from earlier are still walking arm and arm and suddenly it hit me that that’ll never be me and River. 

I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why I keep pushing away the woman I love. 

Taglist: @sassamanda77, @fangirl509east, @behindmygreyeyes

[rowanoke]

Very much agreed Sex Batman! I feel there's just one more thing that could add to this:

If you want to avoid coercing someone, it's important that you are a person that they feel safe and comfortable saying no to! As long as they know and truly believe that saying no is an option, then when they say yes you will know they really mean it!

Now, this is easier said than done. There's no one size fits all solution to this. But some things I've done/had done in my own relationships to create an environment where we're comfortable saying no include:

When they say no to your invitation, affirm their choice. Tell them it's okay, especially if they're worried you may be upset. Maybe thank them for their honesty, if you know they have difficulty saying no in general.

If you are doing something maybe more intimate already, like kissing or cuddling, you shouldn't necessarily stop. This may be seen as withholding affection when you're told no. Leave it up to your partner and what they're comfortable with.

Suggest an alternative. Maybe they don't want to have sex, but would like to do something else to continue spending time with you. This can also help distract you from your horniness!

It also helps to keep these things in mind and practice them outside the bedroom as well! You want your partner to feel safe and comfortable all the time, and to be able to say no and voice their opinions in any situation, not only when it comes to sex.

I think cnc Tumblr porn helped me understand consent better. Like coercion is a brand of cnc, so when I noticed my partner said "I think" instead of yes, and arms pulled away even though other parts were responding, it reminded me of coercion cnc, which lead to a stop and discussion. I might be a bit of a horny fuck, (nothing wrong with that, just inconvenient right now), but is there a way to turn down arousal/libido? Depression, stress, and relationship issues seem to be the big ones on Google, but. Um. Yeah. I'm also worried that things I wouldn't put much weight in could be coercion. Like if I ask about sex they'll feel a time limit on when they have to say yes, or cuddling with them while asking will pressure them towards saying yes.

hi anon,

I'm gonna say first and foremost. let's maybe work on starting a new paragraph when we introduce a new idea. because some of these swerves hit like trucks and you gotta warn a bitch.

anyway, let's talk about it!

no, there's not a reliable way to decrease your libido. that happens to a lot of people via mental or physical health problems and stress, as you noted, as well as in response to some medications or other things that cause hormonal shifts. it's not really something that can be purposefully induced, no matter how irksome being horny may be. life is a series of annoyances.

re: your thoughts on coercion - listen, man, you're going down a bad rabbit hole here. do we want to follow this thought to its logical conclusion? then asking for anything is coercion, because it places pressure on the other person to say yes or risk disappointing you.

when my wife asks me if I want to watch an episode on Once Upon a Time with dinner, he really wants me to say yes even though OUAT sucks so bad that it makes my brain hurt. sometimes I say yes, because I'm in a good mood and I like to make him happy and also because I post OUAT recaps on patreon and I need that sweet sweet #content. but other times I say no! and that's okay with both of us, because I know my wife is a big girl who can handle not always getting exactly what he wants and he knows that I'm not saying no because I hate him or because I think he was being an inconsiderate asshole for asking. and, most importantly, when I say yes he knows I'm not doing that because I feel pressured to say yes but because I'm genuinely fine with it.

if you ask about almost anything there's an expectation to answer eventually. it's entirely reasonable that you would be thinking about sex while cuddling and present the option. if you don't feel that you can trust your partner to say no when they don't really want to do something, then that's something you need to talk about with them! but there also comes a point when you have to believe someone when they say yes rather than perpetually second guessing them.

[balkanradfem]

Fixing pants with overly-tight waistband

So, I accidentally found some warm winter pants in a box under my bed! I was extremely happy to find them because I've been out in freezing temperatures in jeans, my legs getting red and irritated from the cold. However, these pants I found, there's something interesting about them; they've got their waistband completely cut off.

I have no memory of cutting that off, but I'm 100% sure it was me, because I know what my line of thinking was. The waistband was too tight, and the pants were high-waisted, so I thought, hey, I just need to cut off this tight part and then the pants will be wearable. And then, after I cut if off, I found out, that no, you can't just cut off the piece of pants that keeps them on your body. They slide off. So after that bold move I just abandoned them in a box. I had no confidence that I could fix them, but this has changed! I am not any better at sewing than I was back then, but my confidence is through the roof, I believe I can not only fix this but make them the most comfortable pair of pants I own.

I rummaged around to find some materials I could use for a new waistband, and I was purposefully picking materials that are very stretchy, soft and warm. I want a soft stretchy waistband! I ended up being specifically drawn to these 2 black sleeves; they're from a sweater, super warm and stretchy, and also durable. I also found an elastic that I ripped out of some sweatpants in the past because it was too tight.

I decided to make the elastic longer by adding a piece of cotton fabric in the middle, and I sewed that together, I feel like it doesn't matter if there's some normal cloth in there. It won't be visible anyway.Now, to make those sleeves into a waistband. I figured out I could do it without cutting them into pieces of fabric; they're already sewn into tubes. So instead I cut them to be the same length as my elastic, and sewed them together into one long tube (I made a mistake at first and flipped one sleeve on the wrong side. But I redid it and now they're good).

Now my long tube can hold the elastic in it! But then I decided, wait, I would prefer if I just folded those tubes into a new, doubly thicker tube, because I really want as many warm layers as possible on my hips (don't wanna get cold). So the tube is folded, and elastic is placed in.

So now I needed to sew these sleeves into a new tube, with the elastic inside, and I figured, hey, I could just sew them onto the pants at the same time, so I don't have to sew that part multiple times.

I lined up the tube with the pants, and you can see I very haphazardly just sewed them on with a normal running stitch; I was mostly doing that to try it out, and see how it would look like all put together. I then sewed the elastic together in a circle, and closed the tubes together as well. The waistband at this point was shorter in length than the cut off hem of the pants, so I was lightly scrunching the pants while sewing, to match the length, knowing once I put them on this will not be visible and even out. Then I tried them on, and while it looked okay, my running stitch came apart, and the waistband separated!

You can see here how half of the waistband is off. I was so focused on scrunching the pants I forgot to make the stitch adjusted to the stretchy fabric.

I know sewing machines have a special stitch that is used on stretchy fabric so the stitch itself is stretchy, but I never found out how to do something like that by hand, and I was at that point, in a room with no internet so I wasn't gonna find out. Instead, I invented my own little stitch that would do a good-enough job. In the second picture you can see how every few stitches, there's thread just going around the edge, that was my trick. This way, when I'm stretching the waistband, instead of the thread breaking, it will pull from these areas where I've wrapped it around, because it's a bit more loose in there and can be tightened without breaking. I've also sewn it in 4 sections, so its not one continuous thread going through the same waistband.

Once I did that, I was mostly done! Here's the pants mended and how they look on me.

I've converted them into sweatpant-like garment, which, yes, good. But! I was wrong about one thing. That elastic, even though I added some length on it, was still too tight, making me feel uncomfortable and tight. So. I opened up the waistband again. Pulled the elastic out. Stitched it back, and tried it on. And decided to keep it like that. This fix didn't need an elastic, I was just paranoid that my new waistband wouldn't hold without one – but it was stretchy and firm enough to hold without any issues! They look just the same as with the elastic in them. I've since worn them outside and they're great!

This entire fix maybe took an hour and now I have comfortable pants to wear all winter. 10/10 recommend trying it out.

Also this is not an official way how to fix a waistband, I've done it before by just adding extra fabric to the waistband that was already there, and it's a lot less work, however... this works too. If you've.. chaotically cut the whole waistband off. Completely salvageable.

[storge]

Story of Kunning Palace (2023)

[floral-hex]

finally, after waiting since November, I got to see an endocrinologist today. didn’t go great. As soon as I said I was going through with surgery, he got this look on his face like I’d just told him I beat dogs with hammers. Kinda tried to scare me away from it and get me to just take meds, but he relented and said to just take the meds anyway. Listen, dude, I get you’re pissed I got my neurosurgery consult first, but that’s only because your office dragged their feet & wouldn’t see me for months. Did you think I would sit around, do nothing, and feel like shit bc I should have waited for you? You can’t show up to the end of the game and complain about how it’s played…. So anyway, I’m very grumpy today.

[magnus-and-the-dragon]

I’m 5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs for the first time in my adult life, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

[rev-tone]

honestly kind of afraid to post much here at all because I WAS doing it last year for a little bit until i got an anon one day wishing i die in agony from prostate cancer completely unprompted. The only reason that happened is because i had posted and tagged something innocuous and a random transphobe found it. and with twitter no longer having moments (and the posts that were put in them just removed so now nothing archived) and cohost like last 2 days just not letting ppl post photos idk where to put art anymore lol

[yaminerua]

there are a few quilted jackets that are a decent colour for either the soft-light or hard-light versions of Rimmer’s s6 jacket so I think I’ll keep checking those every so often to see if one pops up that looks like it could work with a bit of adjustment, like adding the bands around the arms and across the chest. Might have to accept it’ll fasten a bit differently than it should but the general feel should be ok if the rest of it works out ok. The ones I’ve seen have been pretty pricey but hopefully there’ll be a good amount of time to be able to get my hands on one before it’s actually needed.

I’ll need to figure out what to do about the insignia he wears on it. It doesn’t seem to be available from anyone as far as I can see so far. If I could 3D print maybe that would be an option but I might just have to opt for a bit of a rougher look trying to make it myself with whatever I can use.

All of this is just me just trying to figure it out for the future if I actually do end up able to try to push on with it;;

The good thing about it is if there is a red and a blue jacket I can get my hands on it’ll mean I’ll have 2 versions of the Rimmer outfit that I can use for future cons.

I’m gonna cross my fingers and hope that by whichever time Chris returns to a con up here that I’m able to go to I’ll have it ready to use;;;