#but this blog is at the top of my list for a reason?? i want it to be the default always??
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how do i make this damn site not default post to my sideblogs??????
im trying making a post to my main (the default blog!!!!!) by actively selecting it from the dropdown (even though it's the default!!!)
i just think that if im on the dash and i click for a new post, the default blog should be the default blog. not the last blog that i posted to. if i want to post to that blog specifically, i will go to that blogs page and make my post accordingly. if i go to my main blogs dash, it lets me post to it just fine.
but when i go to The Dash its like oh post to the sideblog, yeah?
#tumblr#i have made so many accidental posts to my sideblogs since tumblr got fucked up#like i get probably some people blog to sideblogs from their main dash#but this blog is at the top of my list for a reason?? i want it to be the default always??#im sorry i just really hate hate hate the new post editor and i wish it a fiery demise#1. ugly#2. cumbersome#3. too many fucking things i cant see what im posting#ugh sorry
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HALLOWEEN NIGHT
Stepdad Joel Miller x f!reader || 500 words
Summary: you’re about to leave home for a Halloween party but your stepdad has other ideas.
Tw: 18+ mdni, smut, step-cest, dub con but reader’s into it, legal age gap, perv!Joel, infidelity, unprotected piv (wrap it up), degradation, slutshaming, praise kink, daddy kink, swearing.
A/n: a brief and unexpected (for me too lol) visit from stepdad Joel. He won’t let me go I guess🫠 Happy Halloween, sluts (affectionate)🎃💕 dividers by @saradika-graphics
MASTERLIST || more stepdad Joel
You’re hurrying down the stairs, wearing your Halloween costume - a top, a mini skirt with a tail and cute cat ears. Almost out of the door you hear your stepdad call your name from the living room.
“What?” you ask, peeking into the room.
He looks you up and down, brows furrowed.
“C’mere.”
“What?” You repeat, getting annoyed. “I’m late.”
You know it’ll take longer to argue with him so you do what you’ve been told.
He’s sitting on the couch and when you step up to him he leans forward and plants the elbows on his knees.
Your stepdad’s dark eyes slide over your figure and he takes a sharp breath.
“Lookin’ like a damn slut. As always.”
“It’s Halloween, Joel,” you grumble, rolling your eyes at the man.
“Seems like ya celebrate it every day, sweetheart,” he mumbles as his hand darts to his crotch and he starts palming it. You glare at him but already feel the tingling between your legs. He looks so hot wearing his white undershirt and worn out gray sweatpants.
When Joel’s free hand wraps around the back of your thigh you softly gasp and try to step back but he holds you in place.
“Shhh, little kitty, ‘s jus’ daddy.”
“Joel,” you plea, your mind screaming for him to stop while your body demands for him to continue.
“Gonna have fun tonight?” His hand slides up and up until it snakes under your skirt.
Your heartbeat is booming in your throat. You’re scared that your mom will catch you two but at the same time you’re trembling with arousal.
“Mmm— I — I don’t know,” your voice is shaky. “My friends are waiting in the car.”
“Hmm, what kinda friends?” You feel Joel’s warm fingers graze your ass and softly pinch your cheek. He’s looking up at you, his eyes obsidian.
“Just my girls.”
You’re barely breathing at this point.
The pads of his thick digits push between your cheeks and he massages your pussy folds through your thin panties from behind. You wonder if he feels how wet you’re. For him. For your stepdad. Oh god!
“Hngg — your girls’ll have to wait.”
His hand leaves your pussy and he leans back on the couch.
“Ya gonna ride this dick now. Don’t worry, I’ll fill you up soon. 5 minutes tops,” he’s telling you this as his hand pulls the waistband of his sweatpants down and he frees his hard cock. How the hell is he already hard?!
You open your mouth to protest, to reason with him, to tell him you don’t have time, that your mom, napping upstairs, can wake up any moment but his cock—
his gorgeous, stiff, leaking cock—
calling to you— Your pussy wants it—needs it.
You sigh and pull your skirt up before straddling Joel’s hips.
Your hand wraps around his girthy base and you line up his fat tip with your little hole. You’re soaking wet and your cunt is sinking down on it, easily taking his massive cock, while your eyes are locked. Your stepdad moans, his lids heavy with pleasure, before a smirk tugs at his lips and he mumbles,
“Happy Halloween—my little slut.”
Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!<3
MASTERLIST || more stepdad Joel
Tag list: @milla-frenchy @harriedandharassed @iamasaddie @nervousmumbling @bbyanarchist @stevie75 @puduvallee @auteurdelabre @mountainsandmayhem @senoratess @flamingochick55 @theoraekenslover @schnarfer @mermaidgirl30 @staywildflowahchild @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @evolnoomym @keylimebeag @joelmillerisapunk @pascaltesfaye @fruityreads @itwasntimethatdidit40
Stepdad Joel tag @megangovier @she-could-never
#pedro pascal#stepdad!joel#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller smut#happy halloween#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#dark joel miller#pedro pascal characters#joel miller x you
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mind over matter | s.mg
Pairing: best friend!mingi x reader Genre: [+18] smut w/o plot Warnings: jussss smut, enjoy a/n: first fic on this blog yay
the two things you can be sure in life is that 1. you will die and 2. you've never wanted to suck a dick so bad.
I mean, you always knew that your best friend was hot — you had eyes, for god's sake! — but holy shit.
it started when you ran out of cat food. you were an attentive cat owner, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, you had the worst week for your mental state. exams after exams, studying 'till the library basically had to kick you out and group projects with lazy people... so that's how it ended up with your cat screaming at the top of their lungs and waking you up from your power nap.
mingi happened to be around because, guess what, you also forgot about your plans to watch that new anime that he rambled all about for the past month, and truly, you wanted to be able to enjoy some quality time with him, but you fell asleep as quick as his cursor pressed play on the screen, the warmth that irradiated from both inside his hoodie that you were wearing to where your head laid on his shoulder was too cozy.
so when you got up to feed the cat, your heart dropped, and you saw the grocery list accumulating dust on top of the counter, the 'cat food' underlined three times. you looked outside the windows of your small apartment and saw that the simple drizzle from before now turned into a full on storm, and all you could do was lean onto the counter and bawl your eyes out.
mingi was startled but tried to comfort you somehow, not really sure of what he could do to help, and as you tried to tell him between hiccups and tears, he quickly grabbed his jacket and told you that he would be right back.
twenty minutes later, a full-on drenched mingi stood on the doorstep, chest heaving as he took off his shoes and the same jacket, now in a darker tone from the wetness. you stared back from your couch, as you were curled into the throw blankets, eyes widened.
you almost forgot about the cat food.
in your defense, it should be illegal the way his white tee clung to his abs so sinfully highlighting each of his muscles. and when he rose his arms to take off his cap and ran his fingers between wet strands of hair that framed his cheekbones, your eyes fixated on the way his sweats clung onto dear life to his v-line.
holy fuck. jesus christ. oh my god. whatever divinity that was out there.
"you okay?" he asked, as if he was expecting your answer and you shook your head, trying to escape the trance you found yourself in.
"what? why?"
"i asked if i could use your shower" he placed the single bag with the cat food on the counter as he tried not to wet your floor.
you can use me, for sure; you thought to yourself.
"yeah, yeah, go ahead" you nodded and he took his shirt off on the way to the bathroom.
you quickly jumped from the couch to feed the cat — since that was the prime reason for all the ruckus. as you put the blocks of minced meat on the food bowl, you caught yourself fantasizing about it again.
how good he should be looking, as droplets of rain still lingered on his skin as he took of the sweatpants slowly, leaving only the boxers that perfectly held his firm thighs and secured his—
meow, you looked down, to find that a block of meat fell beside the bowl and you took a deep breath. control yourself.
you blamed the ovulation. or maybe the fact that you haven't been sexually active in a while. or that movie that had hot scenes with your favorite actor... gosh you were a horny mess.
but your life has basically been all about your studies lately, and the stress was clouding your reasoning, making you feel like impulsive decisions were now worth a lot, and that's how you found yourself standing outside your bathroom door, idly looking at it with your hand raised, on the way to give it a knock.
the thing is, the moment you found the courage to do it, the door opened from the inside, and only mingi's torso popped out, in the middle of calling your name, but now confused that you were on the other side.
all that led to the both of you sitting on the edge of your bed, with him only wearing a towel around his hips, not staring at each other as the silence overcame the storm from outside.
"so... you want to suck my dick...?" he simply repeated your words from minutes ago.
it would be comical if it wasn't so tragic.
"yes."
"are you feeling okay?" he asked.
"yes."
"'then... how should we do it?"
you took another sharp breath, your lungs almost failing you as your mind tried to disassociate from your body. leaving the bed to kneel in front of him, you kept your eyes focused on his face, his lips parted as his eyes were half-lidded. from all the years you'd known him, you knew that he was probably overthinking it and trying to figure out what was happening. but neither you could tell.
your fingers slid to the towel and as you were going to take it off, his hand flew to yours, holding it softly. he pulled you towards him in a swift movement and placed his palm on your cheek, nose now brushing against yours. soon after, you felt the plumpness of his lips onto yours.
"wait" he leaned back cautiously, as though any minor movement would startle you like a scared kitten. his eyes overthinking each and every detail. "I want to kiss you first."
and as if you were waiting for that to snap, you grabbed his neck and pulled his face lower so you could slide your tongue into his mouth. his big hands fell to your hips and grabbed firmly, decided not to let you run away.
you kinda wondered before how good of a kisser mingi was, your friends joked around saying that it must be good since he has fat lips, but you usually kept those thoughts at bay, not really wanting to dive into your hidden desires. it wasn't like you, to explore and try new things. you became friends a long time ago, and when he earned that title, you felt like it would be too messy to see him as anything else.
but you weren't dumb, of course you'd noticed how a blush crept to his cheeks whenever you grabbed one of his hoodies, or how he would stutter when others teased him about you. he wasn't good at hiding things, and you weren't good at ignoring them.
one of his hands snuck to your neck and the pulled you closer, his breathing growing heavier to the point that you could hear a faint groan from his throat.
shit, you moaned.
he let go of your face and you leaned back, a little ashamed of the noise that escaped you, but mingi didn't seem to mind, in fact, his cheeks could be mistaken to a tomato. he shifted in his place and you noticed the tent in his pants. oh.
placing a final kiss on his cheek, you maintained eye contact as you lowered yourself to your knees, hands falling to his covered member, feeling the warmth through the towel and earning a sharp gasp from him. licking your lips, you only broke the intense stare to undo the lousy knot, uncovering his lower body.
oh. OH.
how did he hide that monstrous thing all along?
"uh... pants, I guess..." he said almost in a whisper, and then you realized that you were thinking out loud.
"shit, I mean, it's not a bad thing" you placed your hand at the base of his cock, wrapping your palm around it and the boy hissed. "I just... didn't expect that."
"so you thought about it before?" touché. you deflected by giving him a slow tug.
before he could say anything else, you lowered your head and wrapped your lips around him.
"fffuck-" he let out, throwing his head back.
you started bobbing your head at a slower pace, quickening each time he groaned, and listened to his raspy moans as if they were songs hidden in heaven. his hand ran through your hair, pulling at the strands just light enough to make you whine, the vibrations helping into the pleasure.
"please—" he pled, eyes fixated on you and wet hair sticking to his face. he couldn't look any better, you noted.
mingi stared right into your soul with deep, dark eyes. his nose was flaring up and trying to keep up with the sharp breaths that left his parted mouth. it was as if he belonged in that position, and you wished that you had midas touch to keep him like that forever.
"so pretty" you said more to yourself than to him, and one of your fingers snuck into his mouth, and he wrapped those plump lips around it to suck.
feeling his tongue under your skin made shivers run down your spine, and even though you tried to take in more, he pulled you towards him once more, now landing you onto his lap. mind you, his naked lap. your pajama shorts did nothing to the mixture of pre-cum and saliva that rubbed under fabric. you hoped he couldn't feel the wetness that was forming between your legs.
kissing you again, you wondered how your teeth were not clashing at all from the desperation that exuded from both parts. you wanted him as much as he ever had wanted you, and it didn't seem like a real experience. the euphoria that overtook you made you feel almost dizzy from all the exchange in pheromones and fluids, holy fuck, you wanted to stay like that forever.
while he kissed you, mingi's hand went to the bottom of your shorts, holding you so you wouldn't fall as he took them off, leaving you in his hoodie and panties. you didn't remember what kind of underwear you wore, but you hoped to whatever god that was out there that it was something without a hole or anything.
without taking the panties off, he slid them to the side and ran both his middle and ring fingers along your folds, the new feeling making you jump a little, and he giggled. the motherfucker giggled.
"jeez... can't wait to be inside you" he said against your lips, hissing as you gave him an experimental roll of your hips.
holding your panties to the side, he grabbed his cock and aligned himself to your folds, placing the tip inside and a loud whimper fell from your mouth. you knew that it would take more effort to get him inside, he was the biggest you've ever been with, and mingi also seemed to notice that, so he touched you as if you were made of glass.
the warmth of his hot member now sheathing inside your pussy felt like too much, and the room felt foggy, just as your breaths. he kissed the side of your neck, licking up to your ear and groaning ever so slightly, as if he had noticed how much you reacted to those sounds, using them now against you.
the moment you reached the bottom, you felt as if your internal organs would combust. his dick felt like too much and too good, you drank from the sensations and the tingles that your body left each time he moved an inch, clenching around him. you reached your hands to the hem of the hoodie you were wearing, but his hand left your lower back to stop yours.
"leave it on" he looked up at your face with puppy eyes. "I want to fuck you in my clothes."
OH. FUCK.
you moaned into his mouth and slowly started to move your hips. you could've cum just from his words, but you tried your best to concentrate in making him feel good.
"you feel so good around me" he whined, a short moan leaving his lips to meet yours again.
you didn't know how you looked at that moment, probably a mess. from taking in all the sensations, his huge cock and the way he looked like a whiny mess under you... you felt powerful, and he was letting you use him to your wishes.
"please, please" he whined even more, probably taking notes that you got off from that.
"what is it, big boy?" as soon as the words fell from your mouth, you questioned yourself. is this really me?
"let me fuck you right" his hips shot up, taking you by surprise with a gasp and he bit your collarbone. "I wanna be good for you- wanna make you feel good."
"use me however you want" you said in a desperate tone. not even minding how it looked to him, you truly wanted everything from him.
with one arm sneaking around your back and the other on your neck, he moved you further into the bed, now on top of you. he didn't say anything else, only left a small kiss on the corner of your mouth and gave you a slow thrust.
the most high pitched moan fell from your lips, and you didn't care to be embarrassed. not when he was pleading for you, having your body wrapped so deliciously around him, the same as his.
you could write paragraphs and paragraphs about the way he looked; the occasional lightnings shining against his wet skin, highlighting each of his curves and muscles while his hair fell above his forehead, now a mess from the way you rushed your fingers between strands.
mingi kept rolling his hips against yours, and words kept falling randomly from your mouth, meddling with moans and sobs, you felt so cockdrunk that even the slightest stimulation coming from him could make you shed tears. felt so fucking good that got you questioning every life choice you've ever made to this point, as if everything was a part of god's plan for you to end up right under your best friend, as his touches made love to your limbs.
"hm-ugh- feels so fucking- oh my god" you kept going on and on, not even sure yourself what you were saying, but mingi wasn't falling behind.
the knot had already taken place on your lower body, each of his thrusts feeling more intense than the other. you could tell he was getting closer from the way his teeth were nipping on your neck and his thrust were growing sloppier.
"please-ah!-please, let me cum inside you" he left your neck to look at you, and you felt the knot tightening and your legs starting to tremble. "let me fill you nice and full- please"
"yes, I want all of you" you almost screamed when he took that as confirmation to grab your back and glue his chest to yours, sharpening his thrusts.
it finally snapped and you felt like you couldn't breathe anymore. he held you so close as if he could melt into your skin and become one, and with a final thrust, he whined and groaned and screamed and did everything so involuntarily, almost animalistic, and your mind was too dazed to even comprehend anything else besides the way that your pussy gripped him so tight, keeping his hot seed inside you. you didn't want to let it go.
you were still spasming from your orgasm when he let go of your body and snapped your legs apart, taking place in between them, nuzzling his nose onto your pubic bone and feasting. his tongue lapped each of yours and his juices without mind, sucking, kissing, moaning, grunting, only to prolong the way your climax came down; you screamed so hard that your lungs burned.
falling limp on the bed covers, he let go, going back on top of you with the support of his arms and knees, face leveled to yours when he placed an innocent kiss on the tip of your nose and another one to your forehead.
"did it help you de-stress?" he joked and you placed one of your arms onto your eyes.
scoffing, you shook your head. "holy shit, I'm in love with you."
he gave you a slight push and rolled to his side, still staring at you with a darker flush across his chest and neck.
"well, I'm yours" he said and you licked your lips, sneaking a glance from under your arm.
"yeah, you better be."
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I'll never give up on you (Franco Colapinto)
You think your age is an obstacle, but Franco is set on proving you otherwise
Note: english is not my first language. It's the big doe eyes, the curly hair and the fact that he's very funny, isn't it? It's a very crappy situation for everyone how they got here, everyone recognises that. This is also the first time I'm writing for him 🤍 I always feel and know I have to put this - for those who are here and have stayed, thank you for being so patient and for staying - I hope this is good enough ✨️
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm not taking requests right now, so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to send them in but know that I don't know when I'll be able to get to them!
my masterlist
Cw: reader is slightly older than Franco (three years), alludes to previous bad relationships, alcohol consumption, relationship insecurity, reader gets accidentally hurt
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3 @sltwins
"You look gorgeous, Y/N! I love love love this!", Olivia squealed, clapping her hands when she got to your bedroom.
"It's nothing special", you blushed at her compliments.
"It will catch some eyes, you will catch some eyes!", she smiled, "can you help me with my dress, please?", she turned around so you could zip her up.
You and your bestfriend Olivia shared an apartment in university, and once you entered into the job market, you quickly realised that it would be best to keep the same living situation, knowing you'd save some money in a beginner salary and you both felt comfortable about eachother. Her boyfriend Mark had just got a work promotion and he wanted to celebrate it with his friends, so you had been invited.
"Who else is going to be there?", you mused as you packed the essentials on your small purse.
"Some guys from the new department he's in now, Luke - the one we met a couple of weeks ago at the shops -", she began listing the names she recalled, "Amber, and Franco, I think - he doesn't have a race this week", Olivia said.
"Oh, okay", you smiled.
Franco Colapinto knew Mark from one of the teams he had driven for, and despite his career, he was an incredibly down to earth guy. You had met him in a few other occasions and he was funny, kind, always up for a challenge and not easy to persuade out of things. "Things" including flirting with you. At first, you thought it was just his nature and posture towards new people, but after realising he only acted like that towards you, and the fact that he kept making advances and going as far as talking to Olivia about it, you knew it was something else.
"You still haven't changed your mind about him? He's such a good match for you, Y/N/N", Olivia pouted.
The premise was simple - Franco was younger than you, and as much as he seemed interested, it would never lead to anything good. He was young, aspiring an amazing career you were sure he would achieve, and frankly, you couldn't see you in there. He would like to party all out, not have responsibilities and certainly not have to date someone older than him. And this was just at the top of your head - if you let your insecurities really work you up, there were many other reasons.
"We are not! If we did date, it wouldn't last long and I'm not up for that - I've learned my lesson", you tsked.
"You know he's very into you, I'm not sure you can get him to back down", Olivia advised, "I get that you have your walls, but maybe you could give him a chance?".
"He'll probably find someone else, if he hasn't already - now let's go!", you pulled her with you, not wanting to arrive late.
Once you were inside, you quickly spotted the group, greeting everyone and ordering some drinks.
"You're sure you don't want anything else?", Mark wondered.
"I don't feel like drinking anything strong today, but I'll toast to your promotion - congratulations again!", you hugged him.
"Careful, everyone!", you heard the argentinian accent call out, getting you to make room on the table so the bartender could set the tray with all the drinks, "Hello, Y/N, how are you?".
Turning to face Franco, you were instantly met with his bright smile, shiny eyes and wavy hair perfectly tousled, "Hi, I've been good, and you?".
"Even better now that you're here", he winked, "you look amazing by the way, that colour looks beautiful on you", he complimented.
Hoping the dim lighting hid your blushing cheeks you nodded, taking the coaster to our your drink on before looking at him, "thanks, it's not new or anything", you brushed him off.
The night was on a good roll until you came back from freshening up in the bathroom - just as you were about to sit on the high stool, a guy pushed his friend in a playful manner, only for him to accidentally hit you and making you hit your knee on the piece of furniture.
"Fuck", you mumbled, bracing yourself against the table as the sharp pain climbed up your leg no matter how much your hand tried to soothe it.
Before you could process the whole thing, a large hand was placed low on your back, "are you okay, Y/N? What happened?".
"It was us, I'm so sorry", one of the guys apologised as he carried his friend to their table, "do you want me to get something? Again, I'm so sorry".
"It's fine, I've got her", Franco dismissed them before looking at you again, "are you okay?", he asked worriedly.
"Of course", you attempted to speak firmly even though you were sure your face said it all. Your mother always told you you weren't a great liar.
Franco didn't seem to be convinced either, and ignoring your words, he bent down to check your knee, "you should sit so it doesn't swell up, and ice it too", he stated, tapping his shoulders for you to support your weight in them and help hoist you up on the stool.
"I'll go get some ice", Olivia offered.
As she excused herself, Franco gingerly touched your knee, fearing that he would hurt you even more, "is this fine?".
"It's not terrible, but it's hurting, like, it's a pulsation", you winced as he squeezed.
"I'm sorry, Y/N", Franco apologised, "just needed to check that it's not broken".
"You don't need to stay here, Olivia is coming back already", you added, watching the rest of the guys back on the pool table after you assured you were fine all things considered.
"You're the only one I care about, the rest can wait", Franco spoke.
"Look at that group over there", you pointed with your eyes, "wouldn't you prefer to hang out with them?".
The balloons let you know it was one of the girl's 20th birthday, and judging by the way they were looking in your direction, they noticed you too. Or Franco, you assumed.
"I've told you, I don't care about them, now where is the ice?", he muttered, looking around in hopes of spotting your friend in the darkened room.
"She's coming back", you pointed out.
The ice pack seemed to help relieve the pain and perhaps help with the bruising you were sure was going to take over your knee, "Franco, you can go be with the guys, I'll be fine", you reassured him again, "or be with the girls over there, they're very keen on you", you nudged.
Franco looked up at you, his gaze intense and serious, "those girls don't interest me", he replied, "you're the only one I care about".
There it was again.
"Don't say that", you tried to push it away before it dwelled on, "they're all very pretty, your age I'm sure".
Franco smiled softly as his eyes remained fixated on you, "who I pay attention to is you, you're the one I've always paid attention to", he spoke, not caring about the fact that Olivia was right there as she seemed distracted, "I don't care about their age or what they do. They're not you, and I want to be with you, so I'll stay here with you", he stated.
You heart took a lep, and even though you wished you could say something rational, something that made sense, the way he was looking into your eyes didn't let you. There was honesty and sincerity that never seemed to fail and that you could never ignore.
"Let me help you", Franco spoke softly, "right now, you're the only thing worrying me".
Hesitating, you allowed him to adjust the ice pack and keep talking to you about random stuff to take your mind away from the state of your knee, and for the first time in a while, it felt good to let someone else take care of you.
.
"Do you really think that we won't workout because of our age difference?", Franco spoke.
Mark and Olivia went to get coffee for all of you and left you and Franco on the picnic blanket to save the spot and keep your belongings safe. The plan for the afternoon was to enjoy the sun outside and while you were sure your bestfriend had something to do with this whole arrangement, you decided to let it slip and focus on relaxing for the afternoon.
"What?", you mused.
"You always point out that you're older than me, and whenever I make any advances, which I assume you're not too blind about, you never say yes, but don't say no either", he offered, "is it an obstacle?".
"We're good, aren't we?", you spoke.
"We could be better", Franco spoke and he supported his torso on his hands on his sides, "do you know how much I care about you?".
"We're friends", you replied.
"And you're telling me we couldn't be more?", Franco wondered.
"You have so many things to do still, I can't imagine you'd want to be tied to a 24 year old with a job and mundane responsibilities", you chuckled.
"Is that what it is? Do you really think our age difference is an obstacle?", he spoke softly.
"I can't say with such certainty", you mumbled.
"Can I keep on showing you that it isn't?", Franco spoke.
"I'm very stubborn", you recalled, "and I don't want you to waste your time".
"I'm not going to pressure you, but I'm not going to stop trying to show you how much you mean to me - you're very important in my life, Y/N".
.
"Did you salt the water already?", Franco asked as he grabbed the pasta from the cupboard.
"I did", you told him as you chopped the peppers and onions to add to the sizzling pan.
Franco happened to be around the area for lunch, and after he saw your story about being on your own, playfully claiming that Olivia had abandoned you, he offered to keep you company. Taking Olivia's advice that you should give him a chance and explore what you felt for eachother, you invited him over for lunch.
"Can I ask you something?", Franco asked as he dried his hands on the kitchen towell, throwing it to you so you could do the same.
"Now I'm worried...", you joked, "but sure, go ahead".
The smell of garlic browning in the pan filled the kitchen as you added the rest of the veggies, and you could feel the driver's eyes watching you. Up until now, the atmosphere was light, but there was an unspoken tension at the prospect of the question.
Franco couldn’t take it anymore. He was spending time with you whenever he could, getting closer little by little, but he felt there was a wall. A wall that you held strong, despite your shared glances and conversations that often stretched into the night.
“Why…”, he paused for a second, as if he was choosing his words carefully, “why do you keep pushing me away?”.
You stopped stirring the pan, slowly setting down the spoon aside and turned to face him.
“What are you talking about?”, you asked even though you knew exactly what he meant.
Franco turned fully to face you, his eyes fixed on yours, “You know what I’m talking about,” he said, his voice low, almost a whisper, "I’ve been trying to… get closer to you. You know how I feel about you, but every time I take a step toward you, you back away. There’s something you’re not saying, and I want to understand why, and if it's the age thing...", Franco let it out.
You sighed, fiddling with your hands as you gathered your thoughts.
“It’s not simple", you murmured, looking down at your feet.
"Then explain it to me", Franco's voice was calm, but insistent, "because from my side, it seems very simple. I like you. You like me, or at the very least you don't seem to hate me and…”, he hesitated, leaning a little closer, "whatever is stopping you… I can deal with it, we can talk about it".
Your heart raced as you looked up at him, "the age difference", you began hesitantly, “we’re from different worlds, different lives. You have so many options, people around you who… who are more in your vibe and in the line of life you can have. I’ve been through things you haven’t even begun to experience. What makes you think this… us, would be a good idea?", you mused.
Franco took a deep breath, taking a step closer until he was almost touching you, “What makes me think this would be a good idea? That we may have something to explore here? Have a shot at something good together?”, he repeated, looking directly into your eyes, "because every time I’m with you, I feel like I’m in the right place. Because no matter how much you think age is relevant, for me, what matters is how you make me feel. I’m not interested in anyone else, because you’re the one I want to explore these feelings with".
You fell silent, feeling his words invade her defenses. No one ever stood up for you like this.
“Age?”, he continued, "That doesn’t scare me. What scares me is losing you for a reason that, in the end, has no bearing on how I feel about you. You're so amazing and I don't want to lose that".
You bit your lip, feeling yourself wavering between the logic you had always used as a shield and what Franco was doing to your heart at that moment.
He took another step forward and gently placed his hand over yours, “I just need you to tell me… is it really age, or is it something more? Because if it’s just that… then we have a lot more to gain than we have to lose.”
You looked at his hand on hers and, for the first time, let yourself relax a little, allowing your brain to consider the possibility.
“What if it doesn’t go well?”, you whispered, voice hesitant and full of vulnerability, "I don't want to make a promise I can't keep, and I haven't let myself explore these feelings yet and... I don't want to hurt you, Franco".
"Y/N", he sighed softly with unexpected tenderness, “What if it does?", he smiled, "I'm not going to pressure you, and from the moment you tell me that there's no interest, I'll stop and we can remain friends. What I'm asking you is that you consider it first... take your time, I'll wait".
In a moment of confidence, Franco cupped your cheek and kissed your forehead, and for that moment you allowed your wall to lower a little more.
.
The good thing about the hot temperatures outside was that most people had taken their Saturday plans to the beach or the pool, so there was less traffic on your way home. You parked your car in the building's underground garage and went up the stairs to the floor where the apartment you share with Olivia is. Judging by how late you left work, your best friend must be home given that she has the free afternoon on Saturdays.
Turning the key in the lock and opening the door, you find a completely dark apartment, which is strange considering you left the blinds half open this morning to let in sunlight. As soon as you step inside, closing the front door behind you, you're surprised by lights that suddenly turn on and a chorus of voices singing the Happy Birthday song.
You hadn't felt in the right mood to celebrate your birthday this year, given and the changes from studying and the stress of your new job, so to say you were caught off guard by this surprise was an understatement. You had told Olivia that you could have something special for dinner to celebrate the day, and while she insisted a little more, she ended up dropping the subject. And you thought that meant the had agreed to your simple plans - that morning, she caught you when you were having your breakfast, wished you happy birthday and gave your her gift, a very simple necklace with a medal with your initial in it, and didn't make any more fuss.
You definitely didn't expect her to be preparing a surprise like this for you.
Besides Olivia and Mark, Franco is the first person you see in the living room of your apartment - which makes you feel a little bad about yourself considering you hadn't even told him that today was your birthday. Besides the three of them, Maria and Julia, your two closest friends from school, were also present, as well as Pedro, one of your best friends from high school that moved to another city, and as it turns out, came all the way to your party.
When the chanting ends, Olivia approaches you with the cake so that you can blow out the candles, everyone's attention still on you. You know you should say something, but right now, you were completely surprised, and talking under pressure was never your strongest suit.
"Thank you everyone!", is all you can say at first, earning laughs from your friends.
You rolled up the blinds, as they had been down so the surprise had full effect and opened the windows, allowing the air to circulate as everyone gathered in the living room, picking at the foods and drinking on the table you were sure were Olivia's doing for the small celebration.
She is the first one you turn to, tapping her shoulder softly.
"I know... I know you said you weren't in the mood to celebrate, but I thought that this is actually what you need - being with the people that adore you and care about you", Olivia goes first before you can utter out a word, "so, please, just enjoy this, okay?".
"Thank you, Liv", you smiled as you pulled her into a hug, "I can't believe that you went through all this trouble".
"It wasn't too much trouble, and Franco helped a lot", she answered, "the guy didn't even know what day your birthday was, Y/N... That's cruel!", she jokes, to which you roll your eyes.
"I probably forgot about that detail", you answer with a giggle, "thanks again".
"Stop being annoying and enjoy it", your best friend says, joining her boyfriend Mark's and Pedro's conversation.
You take the opportunity to greet Mark and then Pedro, who you haven't seen in person for a long time, "I can't believe you came all this way for this!", you exclaim.
"Of course I came! Olivia told me all the news and not only could I not miss your birthday, but I couldn't not come at a time like this", Pedro explains, "besides, how long has it been since we've been together in person?".
"Too long", you reply with a smile on your lips.
"Exactly! We need to catch up!", your friend exclaims, earning your agreement, "but go greet the rest of your guests first and we'll talk more later", he squeezed your shoulder.
You approach Maria and Julia, hugging them both tight. Although you finished your master's degree as they finished their undergraduate just over a year ago, you hadn't seen each other very often since then as work kept you all busy.
"I'm so happy you're here!", you smile, feeling genuinely happy at having all your people together in one room.
"We couldn't miss it. Besides, we've been missing you so much - you were truly a mother to us and I miss being coddled by you -, and we've already noticed that there's news you haven't been telling us...", Julia comments, wiggling her eyebrows and sharing a suggestive smile with Maria.
"What are you talking about?", you wondered with a quirked brow.
"You don't know? I'll tell you then! About Franco Colapinto!", she snickered, "you didn't tell us you were that close", Maria says.
You're quick to roll your eyes - a common response at her usual antics over the years -, "I told you we were friends", you recall.
"Yes, but we didn't know you were that close!", Julia insists.
"I see your annoying curiosity hasn't ceased", you joked, rolling your eyes again, "Anyway, thanks for being here, I really appreciate it", you joined your hands over your heart before excusing yourself.
Your eyes are quick to search for Franco, but you can't find him in the room. A few seconds later, you spot him returning from the hallway, assuming he had gone to the bathroom or had to take a phone call.
"I should be mad at you for conveniently forgetting to tell me when it was your birthday...", Franco starts, to which you shrug your houlders, trying to put on your best angelic and innocent face.
"I know, I'm sorry... with everything going on, I barely had time to think what month we were on and I wasn't exactly enthusiastic about it to be honest", you explained, "but I must confess I'm happy Olivia arranged this, and I know you helped a lot, so thank you so much, Franco".
"I get, I was just messing with you", he smiles, "and you don't have to thank me for it, you know I'll always do anything to see you happy".
"I know, and that's why I am so grateful", you smiled back.
"Might as well give you the present I got you now", Franco points out, "give me two seconds so I can get it from where Mark told me to put it so it wouldn't be in the way of Olivia's plans and before she started staring at me with her 'I'm going to chop your head off' eyes", he chuckled.
You nodded and waited long enough for Franco to pick up a bag and give it to you, " I racked my brain to decide what I should gift you, because nothing seemed good enough, but I hope you like this".
Undoing the bow keeping the paper bag together, you found a copy of your favourite book with a collectable cover. The intricate detailing of the golden foil complimented the colours beautifully and there was a bookmark inside it, the little tassel falling to the side. Taking it to inspect it closely, you read the delicate lettering Don't lose the sparkle that makes you.. you.
"Wow, Franco", you gasped, completely enamoured by the beauty of it all, "this is spot on, I love it!", you exclaimed, hugging him.
"I'm glad", Franco smiles, jokingly wiping sweat off his forehead and making you laugh.
"Have you met my friends?", you wondered.
"Yes, Olivia did all the introductions", the driver answers.
"Good, let's find out what they're going on about", you suggested, setting the present back in a safe place and pulling Franco with you to join the rest of the group.
You spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening chatting, while you eat and drink the things that Franco and Olivia kindly prepared, and playing some board games. At the end of it, you end up having a really good time, in a way that you haven't in a while, feeling really grateful that Olivia had prepared this surprise. Without knowing it, this was exactly what you needed: your friends and some good moments of relaxation.
"Are you leaving already?", you ask Pedro when the young engineer announces his departure.
"I still have to drive back, Y/N, remember?", he reminds you, earning a nod, "but don't worry your heart too much, I'll keep bothering you with messages and calls and stuff... You won't get rid of me that easily".
"Fine by me!", you smiled at him, "thanks for coming, truly!".
"You have nothing to thank me for. I'll be here any time if you need me - I'm a phone call away", he reminds you, "Are you okay?".
"Of course", you smiled, "let me know when you get home, okay?".
"I will. I had a great time meeting you guys today", Pedro waves at everyone, "until next time!", before leaving the apartment.
At around 10pm, Maria and Julia also announce that they need to leave since they would have an early morning. You bid them goodbye to your friends with the promise of a lunch whenever you could find the time to catch up.
"Don't tell me you're chickening out now and going home too?", a slightly tipsy Olivia teases Franco as he got up from the his spot in the sofa.
"I've already told you that I have the day off tomorrow, my friend", Franco teased her back, getting you and Mark to laugh.
"Let's play another round then", Mark suggested, "since there's only four of us now, we can split into two teams and play Party & Co.".
"This is a recipe for disaster if I have ever seen one", you muttered, "Olivia is a terrible loser and you are a racing driver".
"That's why you should want to have me on your team, I'm used to competing", Franco argued in his favor.
"Strong point, argument accepted. Let's do it!", you declared.
During the game, Olivia ends up making up consequences for those who make mistakes, making everyone drink a few sips of their drinks and even Franco joins in with these punishments, arguing that today is an exceptional day to his usual regime.
By the end of the first game, it's clear that you're all drunk, so you make the responsible and sensible decision not to play anymore. Mark and Olivia end up retiring to the room, leaving you with Franco in the living room.
"I hope they don't make too much noise", you point out as you adjust your position on the sofa so that you're facing Franco, making him burst out laughing at your words, "What?! I'm not telling any lies! Have you imagined how uncomfortable it would be for us to be here and hear them having a baby making practice session?".
"You're right, you're right. I hope they don't make much noise", Franco repeats your words and, this time, you both laugh, "So... did you and Pedro date in high school?".
"Did he tell you that?", you ask, unable to contain your giggles.
"Yes, why? Is it a lie?", Franco asks.
"Half, half", you answered with a gesture.
"How is something half half a lie? It's either the truth or a lie", Franco states.
"I had a crush on Pedro, I tried my luck, but nothing ever happened between us", you admitted, deliberately pausing briefly before continuing, "Because Pedro is gay, Franco, and he was clearly making fun of you", you finally let out a laugh that's been bubbling up since he first asked you.
"Are you serious?", Franco mused.
"Yes. Apparently, he found a weak spot in you and decided to exploit it", you answered amused by the situation that must've enrolled when you weren't home yet.
"A weak spot? Nah... We were talking and he just dropped it, I have no idea why", Franco said, shrugging his shoulders.
"What were you talking about?", you wondered.
"Considering we were at your birthday party... We were talking about you", the brown-haired man answers.
"Please continue", you encouraged.
"Curiosity killed the cat, Y/N Y/L/N", Franco declared, but your glare was enough for him to keep going, "He asked me how we met and I told him. And then he told me about you. And he clearly told me a lie".
"Does it make you feel relieved that it's a lie?", you spoke before thinking properly about it. The sudden courage is unusual for you, but you're playing with all your cards on the table.
"I don't know what you're getting at, Y/N", the driver changes the subject, which makes you roll your eyes.
"I know you undertand it, stop acting like you don't. It's a yes or no question - are you relieved or not?!", you insist.
"Honestly? It doesn't do much. If it were true, it would be something from your past, not your present. We both have a past", Franco responds in a somewhat evasive manner.
"But it could be my present again, especially since he was here today", you decided to insist, wanting to understand how far you could push him.
You weren't sure about the game you were playing, and you couldn't quite say that you were thinking clearly, but this feeling of dominance and being in control was enjoyable. Understanding that this was making Franco uncomfortable also made you realize that he wasn't so sure about talking about what he felt for you. The part of you that wants to understand what he really feels for you is ignited, and you can't tame it down.
After the conversation you had, Franco didn't make any advances and never showed that he wanted more than a friendship, which, in a way, left you at ease, but also perhaps a little disappointed. Had he realised that you weren't worth it?
"Honestly, I don't know what you're getting at...", Franco pretends not to understand again, which makes you sigh loudly, "What's wrong?".
"What I'm trying to understand is if what he said to you bothered you or not. And if so, why. But clearly you are not ready to admit it", you state.
"You're playing a dangerous game, Y/N... You're trying to cross a very complicated line", he warns.
"Why?", you keep going.
"Because you asked for time and space and I gave it to you. And now you're trying to cross a line that I've been trying not to cross, because I'm trying to respect your wishes", Franco answers, this time sincerely.
"That's true, I asked you for time and space and you gave it to me. And I appreciate it", you begin, "but... I know I'm getting closer to that line, maybe I'm even playing a dangerous game too, but I'm doing it consciously".
"What if you're not ready for my honest answers?", Franco argues.
"Well, that's a me problem, isn't it?", you shrugged your shoulders, "can I ask my questions and get back honest answers?", and Franco's answer comes out in form of an unhappy sigh followed by a nod of agreement, "did what Pedro told you bother you? Did it bother you to think that we had dated and that he was back here?".
"Like I told you, we both have a past", Franco avoids the question. Tries to, anyway.
"Honest answers, Franco!", you exclaimed, pleading in exasperation, "of course we have a past, but I'm not going to give the past a shot and I think you won't do again what you did before! With Pedro, it would be different, because if we had dated and he was here, that would mean we had a good relationship. So, I'm going to repeat the question again, and I want you to give me an honest answer - did it bother you or not?".
"It bothered me!", Franco suddenly exclaim, "do you want honest? Here it goes! Yes, it bothered me exactly because of what you just said. Even if, by some act of the devil, your other boyfriend came back into your life, I know for a fact that he would never have another chance with you. However, if you had dated Pedro and if he was here today, it meant that he had a chance with you. And if he had a chance with you, then he was someone I would have to look at as competition".
"And now that you know that there never was and there never could be anything between me and Pedro?", you ask him.
"It makes me feel a little less worried. It means that I still have time to try to continue to mend the damage that others have caused, it means that I can still work to show you how much you mean to me and how high I hold you in my life", Franco replies in a calm and honest tone, which surprises you.
Faced with his words, this time, you are the one who doesn't know what to say. You did ask for honesty and there it was.
"You wanted honest answers...", Franco argues, as if he could guess what was on your mind. Lately, it seemed like he could do it effortlessly.
"I know, I'm not complaining", you admitted, "Does that mean that what you feel for me goes beyond friendship?", you ask directly. You needed to hear it from his mouth.
"What can my answer change in our relationship?", Franco asks, not answering your question.
"Nothing. I won't walk away from you this time, I promise. I just need to know", you clarified.
"Do you really want me to be one hundred percent honest with you?", Franco asks.
"Yes, please", you ask.
"Yes, what I feel for you goes beyond friendship. I tried not to let it be like that, I tried to pretend that I wasn't falling in love with you, but there's no way to control what we feel", he declares honestly without ever stopping to fix his gaze on yours, "Every time I look at you, I see someone with whom I can imagine a future... And I know how hasty this may seem, and I know your reservations about us, but it's simply how I feel. You asked me to be honest and I'm being as honest as I can... But I don't want to lose you, Y/N. In fact, I can't lose you, because, the moment that happens, I think I'll end up losing myself too", Franco stated.
His words leave you completely disarmed, not knowing what to say. Looking at it, you don't think anyone has ever said something like that to you. The words overwhelm you and there doesn't seem to be a right thing to tell him back.
"Can we just forget I said all this?", Franco says, "I don't want things to get awkward between us".
"But I don't want to forget it", you answer quickly, "It was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me".
Judging it by Franco's expression, he was also caught off guard by your words, probably because he thought this would change your relationship again and brung unwanted distance between you.
Truth was, you weren't going to run away anymore. You didn't want to, and you couldn't do it.
Yes, you were scared, but you knew you need to move on. The comfort zone can be very good, but no boat was made to stay at the dock and you needed to drop the anchor and launch yourself into the unknown. Besides, you know that, in a few years time, you won't like to look back and regret what you didn't do.
"Can I ask you the question back, then?", Franco tries and you nod, "Is what you feel for me just friendship? Or something more?".
"I don't have an answer as assertive and confident as yours, but I know that I look at you and I don't see you just as a friend. You are very special to me, Franco. You are the person I want to talk to about everything, the good and the bad. You are the person who I know will never judge me, who will always try to understand me and help me. After all, you were the first person I was able to trust one hundred percent", you admit, "and I'm still figuring out how I'm supposed to allow myself to believe in love again after everything that happened, but I really wish you were by my side on this journey... That you would make me believe in love again", you offered.
"I don't like to make promises, Y/N/N, but there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of - I'll do everything in my power to make you believe in love again", Franco says, pulling you into his lap and embracing you in a hug that makes you feel safer than ever.
.
When Franco called you and asked if you could join him in the park, you were quick to let him know you were leaving work and heading to meet him. The past two weeks had been crazy with him travelling to races and you visiting your family, so texting had become the way you found to maintain contact.
As soon as you spot him by the trees, you walk a little faster, hugging him as soon as you are able to, "can I say that I've missed you?", you joked.
"I missed you loads, so I think it's only fair you tell me", he smiled, "Hi, how was your day?", he asked as he squeezed you against him.
"I missed you", you spoke, "and it was good, better now that I'm here".
Lately, your walls had lowered progressively - Franco's reassurance and a constant defiance of your thoughts had helped you break down the worries you had. Olivia pointed it out, everyone noticed how much happier you were, and even Franco could sense you were feeling more comfortable.
You end up sitting so close to each other that your knees touch and you rest your arm on Franco's and let your head fall on his shoulder, closing your eyes for a few seconds and just inhaling his scent.
"I...", Franco begins but soon stops before saying anything else.
"What is it?", you ask, raising your head to look at him.
"Nothing, nevermind", he shrugs.
"I don't like it when people say that to me. If you were going to say something, don't tell me to forget about it", you state firmly, "Whatever you were going to say, you can say it. Always. I will never judge anything you tell me. I know you, okay, Franco?".
"Yes, but...", he sighs, "I think I'm missing the courage".
"Please, just say it!", you exclaim, starting to get anxious and worried about his hesitation, "Is it something serious? Is there a problem?".
"No, nothing like that!", he clarified.
"Okay, then...", you encouraged.
"It's about a conversation I had with my mother", he says and, although you don't say a word, your expression lets him know he can continue, "about you".
"About me?", you ask curiously.
"She doesn't know it's you, but... It was about us and about what I feel for you", he offers.
At these words, your heart suddenly accelerates, "she told me that life is supposed to be lived and that..", he gulps.
You remain silent, because you don't know if ot what your supposed to answer. There's nervousness and anxiety as you're not sure exactly where this conversation is going to end up at.
"We can't predict the future, we don't know how much time we have", Franco spoke, "what I mean by this is that I've been thinking that, many times, we waste time on things that, perhaps, don't make that much sense. And I think I've been wasting some time in the sense that I've wanted to do things calmly, I've wanted to respect your time and I think I'm the one who's been afraid of taking the next step. I'm too afraid of losing you, but I'm wasting time and we never know when it is too late".
Part of you knows where Franco is going with this, but the other one doesn't fully understand what he's trying to say.
You're nervous, your heart feels like it's beating out of control and there's a lump in your throat. Despite not crying often, you feel the tears right at the back of your eyes, ready to fall at any moment.
"I'm not particularly good with words, Y/N, but what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm madly in love with you. Damn, I'm trying to tell you that I love you. And I know you're scared and I'm scared, because there have been bad experiences, and because what we have is very special and neither of us wants to ruin it. But I think we're wasting time apart when we could make the most of this time together", Franco continues, "I believe we were very lucky to have found each other when we did. I think we had the perfect timing. And every time I look at you, all I can think about is how lucky I am to have found you. I love you, Y/N, and I want to be with you one hundred percent", the brown-haired man stops his speech as if to catch his breath, and then concludes, "That is if you want to be with me, obviously".
What can you say to someone who declares themselves to you in this way? What do you say to someone who has told you everything? How can you say something that comes even close to what you just heard?
"Did I misunderstand everything and after all you don't like me the same way, is that it?", Franco asks, "it's just, your texts and the way you talk, feels like you do".
The insecurity in his voice is the trigger you need for the words to simply come out of your mouth without having to think much about them, "No, it's nothing like that!", you exclaim, "It's just that it's hard for me to say anything after everything you said. I don't want you to doubt for even a second what I feel for you, Franco. I know I haven't been the best person to express my feelings, because when we say things out loud, they become real. And I was so afraid to admit the truth, so much so that I preferred not to say it. But you're right. Life changes in the blink of an eye and it doesn't make sense to keep leaving things unsaid or undone and wasting time. I'm in love with you, Franco. A part of me has wished, since the moment you made an effort for me, that I could have someone like that by my side, willing to protect me, take care of me and be there for me. I have no doubt that my life has changed for the better because you came into it. And I should have told you all this sooner, because you deserve to hear all this and much more. You are an extraordinary person and you deserve to be happy. And I want to be able to make you happy", you stop for a few seconds, taking a deep breath and gathering all the courage in the world to say the dreaded words out loud, "I love you and there is nothing I want more in this world than to be with you and be your girlfriend".
Despite all the nervousness you felt when expressing your feelings, the relief that follows leaves you feeling like a weight was lifted off your shoulder. Suddenly, you understand that fear paralyzes people and prevents them from moving forward.
The fear of not being enough for Franco, that he couldn't possibly have a girlfriend older than him and the fear that he would suffer from that was what was holding you back, stopping you from being happy. Now that you got that off your chest, that you said what you feel out loud, you realise you're ready to be happy again with someone else.
The smile that appears on Franco's lips makes your day. He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you towards him, pressing your lips together.
You close your eyes and savour every second of the moment: from the way his hand is resting on your waist, while the other caresses your cheek, to the way his lips slide over your and your tongues touch.
When you break the kiss, needing to breathe, you keep your eyes closed for a fraction of a second, enjoying the sensation his lips left on yours.
"I have something to ask of you", you say, opening your eyes.
Franco's arm continues wrapped around you and you remain very close to him without moving, appreciating the closeness.
"Whatever you want", Franco says.
"Don't give up on me. Whenever I try to push you away, pull me to you. Whenever I yell at you because I'm angry, hug me. If I don't answer your texts or calls, look for me. When I feel too insecure, remind me that I'm the only one and how lucky I am to have you. If I'm giving up on us, kiss me and remind me why I shouldn't give up. And I know this is asking too much, but I know you love me enough to do this, to stay with me. I promise to do the same with you, to never give up", you declare.
"I promise, mi amor. I'll never give up on you, not even if you ask me to", Franco smiles as you cup his cheek, bringing your faces closer once again to kiss him.
#franco colapinto imagine#franco colapinto x reader#franco colapinto fanfic#franco colapinto fluff#franco colapinto fic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fluff
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hello luv
what about aegon x twin sister
they were always very very closed, like you can always see them together, but she had a very strong character and she let no one decide for her.
And because of that Otto is afraid to married her to aegon so he choose Helena to married him. But Aegon still had an affair with her, he can stop thinking about her.
And when he became king he decided to take her as his second wife, they have a child together and he was with the twins during the night of the attack and aegon is really scared for him (he loved more their child coz he was made with love)
The Fires We Make
- Summary: When they decreed to marry Aegon to Helaena, he decided to do what his namesake had done. Aegon takes you as his second wife.
- Paring: twin!reader/Aegon II Targaryen
- Note: For more of my works, visit my blog. The list is pinned to the top. Requests are now closed!
- Rating: Explicit 18+
- Word count: 3 400+
- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff
- A/N: I had to bend your plot in the end a little, to make Aegon's reaction more believable.
You sit beside your brother Aegon, your twin, your other half. The bond you share is a rare and precious thing, a connection forged in the cradle, strengthened over the years by whispers in the dark, stolen moments, and a fierce loyalty that burns brighter than any dragon's flame. It’s a bond that only the two of you truly understand, one that could lead to either great strength or devastating ruin. You’ve always known that, and so has Aegon.
But now, that bond is threatened.
The candlelight flickers across the faces of your mother, Queen Alicent, and your grandsire, Otto Hightower, their expressions shadowed and grim. The air in the room is thick with dread, almost visible force that presses against your chest, making it difficult to breathe. You can feel Aegon’s anger radiating beside you, a barely contained storm.
“Aegon,” Otto begins, his voice calm and measured, the tone of a man who is used to being obeyed. “You must understand that our family’s future is at stake. The stability of the realm depends on it.”
Aegon’s jaw tightens, his hands clenching into fists on the arms of his chair. He doesn’t respond immediately, and when he does, his voice is low, dangerous. “What I understand, Grandsire, is that you think I should be controlled. You think we should be controlled.”
Otto’s gaze is steely, unyielding. “You are the future King, Aegon. Your duty is to the realm, not to your… whims.”
“Whims?” Aegon spits the word out like it’s poison. “Is that what you call it? Whims? You’re speaking about her, about my sister—your granddaughter.”
Alicent shifts in her seat, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She looks at Aegon with a mixture of sorrow and concern, her voice soft but firm when she finally speaks. “Aegon, this is not just about what you want. It’s about what’s best for the realm. Your match with your sister—” she hesitates, glancing at Otto, then continues, “it could be… dangerous. You both have strong wills, too strong perhaps. It could lead to conflict, to instability.”
You feel a flare of anger at her words, but you remain silent, watching as Aegon struggles to keep his emotions in check. He’s always been quick to anger, but this is different. This is deeper, more personal. You can see it in his eyes, in the way his body tenses as if ready to spring into action, to defend you, to defend both of you against this assault on your bond.
“And what do you propose instead?” Aegon’s voice is cold now, icy. “That I marry Helaena? Is that it?”
Otto nods, as if this is the most reasonable suggestion in the world. “Helaena is gentle, pliable. She will be a good queen, one who will support you, not challenge you. The realm needs a steady hand, not… not the fire that the two of you could unleash.”
Aegon laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Steady? You mean obedient, don’t you, Grandsire? You want someone who will nod and smile and do as they’re told. Someone who won’t question you.”
“Aegon—” Alicent starts, but Aegon cuts her off.
“No, Mother, don’t. You know as well as I do that this isn’t about what’s best for the realm. It’s about control. He’s afraid of us, of what we could be together.” He turns to Otto, his eyes blazing. “You’re afraid that we’ll be too strong, that we’ll burn too brightly for you to handle. But you should remember, Grandsire, that dragons are not meant to be tamed.”
Otto’s face hardens, his eyes narrowing. “This is not a matter of fear, Aegon. It’s a matter of duty. You have a responsibility to the realm, to the Targaryen line. Your sister—” his gaze flicks to you, and you feel the weight of it, the judgment, “—is too much like you. The two of you together could bring about more chaos than order. You must think beyond yourself, beyond your desires.”
Aegon stands abruptly, his chair scraping against the stone floor. His fists are trembling, his entire body vibrating with barely suppressed rage. “My desires? My desires have always been for the good of our House, of our family. And she—” he points to you, his voice shaking with emotion, “—she is my family. My twin. My other half. I will not abandon her for some twisted idea of duty.”
Alicent rises, reaching out to him, but he steps back, shaking his head. “Aegon, please, listen to reason.”
“Reason?” he scoffs. “Reason has nothing to do with this. This is about power. You want me to be a puppet, to marry Helaena and play the part of the obedient son. But I am not a puppet, and I will not be controlled.”
For a moment, the room is silent, the only sound the heavy breathing of your brother as he struggles to regain control of his emotions. You know him well enough to see the storm within him, the fierce protectiveness, the rage at being cornered.
Finally, Otto speaks, his voice cold and authoritative. “You are the heir to the Iron Throne, Aegon. You will do what is necessary for the good of the realm. You will marry Helaena.”
Aegon looks at him, and for a moment, you think he might lash out, might do something reckless. But instead, he turns to you, his eyes softening, filled with a deep, unspoken promise. “This isn’t over,” he says quietly, and you know he means it. Whatever comes next, he will not let you be cast aside so easily.
Without another word, Aegon strides out of the room, leaving you alone with the weight of what has just transpired. Otto and Alicent exchange a glance, and you can see the concern in your mother’s eyes, the worry for what this decision will mean for her son, for you, for the future of the realm.
But in your heart, you know that this is only the beginning. The bond you share with Aegon is not something that can be easily broken, not by Otto’s machinations or anyone else’s. It is a bond forged in fire, and if there’s one thing you’ve learned, it’s that fire cannot be so easily extinguished.
The heavy curtains are drawn tightly around the grand bed, casting the room in a shadowed twilight, the only light a flickering candle that dances with the whispers of a secret not meant for the world beyond these walls. The bedchamber is filled with the scent of smoldering incense and the unmistakable, intoxicating warmth of shared passion. Your breath comes in short, shallow gasps, mingling with the ragged exhalations of the man above you, his silver hair brushing against your face as he moves, each movement a promise, a vow sealed with a thousand unspoken words.
Aegon’s hands are on your hips, strong and possessive, as though he’s terrified you might slip away from him if he doesn’t hold on tightly enough. His touch burns with a desperate need, a fire that refuses to be extinguished, no matter how many years or how many vows have tried to snuff it out. His eyes, fierce and wild, bore into yours, and in them, you see the same desire, the same hunger that has haunted both of you since childhood.
“Aegon,” you whisper, your voice trembling with the weight of your shared history, with the love and pain and longing that have only grown stronger with time.
He leans down, his forehead resting against yours, his breath warm against your lips. “You are mine,” he murmurs, his voice rough with emotion. “You’ve always been mine. And I swear by the gods, by the dragons, by our blood, that I will make you my wife as is my right, as Aegon the Conqueror did before me.”
The intensity in his gaze leaves no room for doubt. He is not making an idle promise, nor is he indulging in a lover’s fantasy. This is Aegon’s truth, the truth of a man who has been denied the one thing he’s always desired above all else. His marriage to Helaena, while dutiful and necessary, has never filled the void that you alone could fill. You are his other half, his twin flame, the only one who truly understands the depths of his soul.
But the world outside this room is not so easily swayed by passion or promises made in the dark. You know this, and so does he. The weight of your shared secret presses down on you, even in this moment of intimacy, but you cannot deny the longing in your heart, the yearning for a life where you can stand by his side, not as a hidden lover, but as his equal, his queen.
“Aegon,” you say softly, your hand reaching up to caress his face, your fingers tracing the sharp lines of his jaw, the softness of his lips. “What you’re speaking of… it could bring the realm to its knees.”
He closes his eyes briefly, as if pained by your words, but when he opens them again, they are filled with a fierce determination. “The realm has always been at war with itself, with its rulers, with its desires. We were born to the blood of the dragon, to forge our own path, to take what is ours. You are mine, and I will not let anyone take you from me, not Grandsire, not Mother, not even the gods.”
His words, spoken with such conviction, send a shiver down your spine. Aegon has always been passionate, but there is something different in him now, something that has hardened over the years, a resolve that has been tempered by the constant battles he’s fought—not just against his enemies, but against his own heart.
“And what of Helaena?” you ask, your voice barely a whisper. It’s a question that has lingered between you for years, a question that neither of you has dared to voice until now.
Aegon’s expression softens, a brief flicker of guilt passing through his eyes. “Helaena is… kind, gentle. She does not deserve this. But she also knows, deep down, that my heart has never truly belonged to her. She knows that I am bound to you in a way that cannot be undone.”
There’s a sadness in his voice, a recognition of the pain that his actions have caused, but also an acceptance that this is the way things were always meant to be. The Targaryen blood runs strong in both of you, and with it comes a fierce, unyielding love that will not be denied, no matter the cost.
“And what will you do?” you ask, your voice steady, even as your heart pounds in your chest.
Aegon’s gaze locks onto yours, his hand sliding up your body to cradle your face. “I will take you as my second wife, as Aegon the Conqueror did with Rhaenys and Visenya. One wife for love another for duty. It is my right, our right. The realm will have to accept it, or they will face the wrath of the dragons.”
His words are a declaration, a promise forged in the heat of passion and the blood of the dragon. There is no turning back now, no more hiding in the shadows. The path before you is fraught with danger, but it is also the only path that feels true, that feels right.
“And you, my love?” he asks, his voice softening as he searches your eyes for the answer that only you can give. “Will you stand by my side, as my wife, my queen? Will you help me claim what is ours?”
For a moment, the world outside ceases to exist. There is only Aegon, the man you’ve loved your entire life, the man who would move heaven and earth to be with you. You see the same fierce love in his eyes that you feel in your own heart, and you know that there is only one answer you can give.
“Yes,” you breathe, your voice steady, filled with the same fire that burns in him. “Yes, Aegon. I will stand by your side. I will be your wife, your queen.”
Aegon’s lips crash down onto yours in a kiss filled with all the passion, all the longing, all the love that you’ve shared over the years. It is a kiss that seals your fate, that binds you to him in a way that no one can break.
The night had fallen thick and oppressive over King’s Landing, a dark shroud that seemed to suffocate the very air in the Red Keep. The corridors were eerily silent, save for the distant echoes of footsteps and the murmurs of a court forever on edge. You had been in your chambers, cradling little Maelor in your arms, his soft breaths a balm to your weary soul. It was a rare moment of peace, a fleeting respite from the storm that raged outside these walls and within your hearts.
But peace is always short-lived in the house of the dragon.
The sound of rushed footsteps reached your ears first, followed by the unmistakable clang of armor and the urgent whispers of the guards. Your heart skipped a beat, dread curling in your stomach as you clutched Maelor closer, his tiny body warm against you. Aegon burst into the room, his face pale and eyes wild with fear. He was breathing heavily, the effort of his desperate sprint evident, but it was the terror in his eyes that froze the blood in your veins.
"Aegon," you whispered, your voice trembling as you rose to meet him, Maelor still safely in your arms. "What has happened?"
Aegon barely seemed to hear you as he crossed the room in three long strides, his hands reaching out to cup your face, his touch frantic and trembling. "Are you hurt? Is he—?" His voice cracked, the fear so palpable it was like a living thing between you.
"We are safe," you assured him, though your own voice shook as you said it. "But, Aegon, what—?"
Before you could finish, the door to the nursery burst open, and Alicent’s voice cut through the air, a raw, broken sound that sent chills down your spine. “No… no… gods, no!”
Aegon’s head snapped towards the sound, his grip on you tightening as if he needed the contact to anchor himself, to remind himself that you and Maelor were still here, still alive. But you could see the fear, the terrible fear in his eyes as he pulled away from you and rushed towards the door that led to the twins' nursery.
You followed closely behind, Maelor held tightly against your chest as you entered the adjoining room, the sight that greeted you nearly making your legs give out beneath you.
The nursery was in chaos. The once serene room, filled with soft linens and gentle colors, was now a scene from a nightmare. Helaena was on the floor, her wails of grief piercing the air as she cradled the lifeless body of little Jaehaerys in her arms. Blood stained the floor, dark and stark against the pale stone, and beside her, Jaehaera was huddled, her small body shaking with silent sobs.
Aegon’s breath caught in his throat as he stumbled forward, falling to his knees beside Helaena. His hand trembled as he reached out to touch Jaehaerys, as if hoping—praying—that he would wake, that this was some horrid dream from which he could rouse.
But Jaehaerys was gone.
Your heart shattered as you watched Aegon, his face contorting in anguish, a guttural cry ripping from his chest as he gathered Jaehaerys’s small body into his arms. “No… no… my son…” His voice broke, the words choked and hoarse as he rocked back and forth, tears streaming down his face.
Helaena’s sobs only grew louder, more desperate, as she clung to Aegon, her grief a mirror of his. “They made me choose,” she gasped, her voice barely audible through her sobs. “They made me choose, Aegon… I couldn’t— I didn’t—”
Aegon’s head whipped up, his eyes wild as he looked at Helaena. “Who?” he demanded, though his voice was little more than a ragged whisper. “Who did this?”
“The butcher and the rat catcher,” she whispered, the names falling from her lips like a curse. “They came for us… they wanted revenge… they… they wanted a son for a son.”
The horror of her words washed over you like a wave, leaving you cold and numb. Revenge for Lucerys. The brutal cost of this war that now claimed the innocent, who had no part in the sins of their fathers.
Aegon’s gaze shifted from Helaena to you, and you could see the mixture of guilt and relief in his eyes as they landed on Maelor, safe and unharmed in your arms. He didn’t need to speak for you to understand the war raging within him. His son, his firstborn with Helaena, had been taken from him, and yet, Maelor, your son, was still here, untouched by the horror that had unfolded in the next room.
“Aegon,” you whispered, the weight of the moment pressing down on you as you moved closer, your free hand reaching out to him. “I’m so sorry… so, so sorry…”
But what comfort could you possibly offer? There were no words to mend a heart so shattered, no solace to ease the pain of a father mourning his child.
Aegon’s eyes met yours, and for a moment, you saw the broken man beneath the crown, the weight of his grief threatening to crush him. But there was also that flicker of relief, of guilt, that he could not shake—that while one son had been lost, another still lived.
He rose slowly, still cradling Jaehaerys’s body, his movements careful, reverent. He looked down at Helaena, who was still on the floor, her arms wrapped around herself as if to hold together the pieces of her shattered soul. “Helaena,” he said softly, his voice barely more than a whisper, “I swear to you, I will avenge him. I will find those responsible, and they will pay. This… this I swear on his memory.”
Helaena only nodded, her eyes distant, as if she were somewhere far away, a place where her pain couldn’t reach her.
Aegon turned to you, his gaze falling on Maelor. His eyes softened, though the sorrow did not leave them, and he reached out to touch his son’s cheek, his hand trembling as he did. “He is safe,” Aegon murmured, almost to himself, as if trying to convince himself that it was true. “He is safe because of you.”
You shook your head, tears slipping down your cheeks as you looked at the man you loved, the father of your child. “It should not have been this way,” you whispered. “None of this should have happened.”
“No,” Aegon agreed, his voice filled with a quiet, simmering rage. “It should not have. But it has, and now we will have to live with it.” He looked down at Jaehaerys once more, a fresh wave of grief washing over him. “But I will not let this go unanswered. They will pay for this, every single one of them.”
His words were filled with a dark promise, a vow that you knew he would keep. The realm would bleed for this, just as you had bled, just as he now bled, with his son’s blood on his hands.
Aegon turned back to you, his eyes hollow, his face etched with a pain so deep you could scarcely bear to look at it. “Keep him safe,” he said, his voice hoarse, as if the very act of speaking was too much to bear. “Keep Maelor safe, no matter what happens. I cannot lose him, too.”
“I will,” you promised, your voice firm, though your heart ached with the weight of it. “I will keep him safe, Aegon. No matter what.”
He nodded, though it was a hollow gesture, and then he turned back to Helaena, who was still on the floor, lost in her grief. He knelt beside her, his free hand reaching out to touch her arm, and you saw in his eyes the same determination that had driven him through every battle, every hardship.
But this battle was different. This was a war of the heart, and it was a war that had already claimed too much.
You stood there, holding Maelor close, as Aegon mourned his son, and in that moment, you knew that nothing would ever be the same. The dragons had awakened, and the fires of vengeance would burn until the realm was ash.
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd x female reader#hotd x you#hotd x y/n#hotd x reader#aegon x reader#aegon ii x you#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon x you#aegon ii targaryen
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Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now I’m confused because I don’t want to publish it. I don’t even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but it’s still far and away the longest thing I’ve ever written) for? I know people say “write for yourself” but like… am I just wasting my time? Help?
(p.s. you can leave this off anon)
(p.p.s your blog is really great 👍)
There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing
I'm going to tackle this two ways...
#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.
I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.
And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."
You know what I mean?
#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.
So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! ♥
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How did you find the doctor(s) who assessed you for ADHD? Im looking into the process of getting diagnosed because (although ive suspected I might have adhd for years now) I've been struggling a lot more lately and i want to try medication to see if it helps at all. Im trying to search for psychiatrists through my health insurance portal but the the results im getting are all for child/adolescent psychiatry specialists, and I dont think that'll be much help for an adult adhd assessment? Did you have an established therapist to refer you for your assessment or were you able to find a psychiatrist independently?
I actually just kind of had to freeform it, but that does mean I have some tips to share!
I will say, I have never once used a health insurance portal to find someone to treat me for anything. Often their search engine is fucked up and the information is sometimes out of date. I almost always either ask someone who I know has had similar issues if they have a recommendation, ask my treating physician if I have one, or just google until I find someone reputable-looking; any qualified medical center or professional will list what insurance they take anyway, and you can always ask when you make the appointment.
So here's the process for how to do that!
When I was first considering it, I asked a friend who'd had an evaluation that came back not-ADHD, which I liked because it meant we knew it wasn't like, a weird Adderall pill mill or something. I really wanted to have a professional and thorough evaluation because I knew myself and knew I was capable of gaming a questionnaire. The place she had her evaluation was unfortunately having some staffing issues; part of the reason it took me so long is that I played phone tag with them for ages -- I'd call, and regardless of what time of day I called, their scheduler would be "out", so I'd leave a message and never get a call back. Ultimately I said "I really need to talk to a human, because your scheduler has not returned any of my numerous calls" and they said they could transfer me to another office outside of Chicago (in the burbs). That was not going to be accessible to me, so I told them thanks but I'll go somewhere else. Then COVID hit and I was not going to go anywhere near a medical center unless I had to for about two years.
So, when I was making my second serious run at getting evaluated, I did what might be expected of me by longtime readers of this blog: I made a spreadsheet.
I want to caveat this up top with REALLY IMPORTANT CONTEXT: I did not do all of this in a single day. The process from starting research to making an evaluation appointment took about a month, and probably would have taken longer if I wasn't getting somewhat desperate. Do not push yourself to do this as a single act. Research alone is a multi-day process; some days I looked at the open tabs and only entered one tab's worth of information. It took me quite a bit of time to write the form email I sent inquiring about an assessment. It took me time to call the clinic back when they asked me to call to book the appointment. This is a series of steps, not a single leap.
So!
I was looking for a clinic rather than an individual, in part because I'd heard a couple of horror stories about people who went to a psychiatrist and just got argued with for an hour instead of actually getting evaluated. So I googled, and here are some key terms for you, chicago adult adhd assessment. Chicago obviously for the region, but "adult adhd" (putting it in quotes will help) is the important term that will help you filter out a lot of child psych stuff. A lot of what I looked at did included family or child assessment/therapy but were clear that they also evaluated adults.
Then I went through every legit-looking search result and noted down, in my spreadsheet, the name of the clinic/company, the contact phone and email, the URL, the physical location (I needed to be able to get to it fairly easily) and whether they took my insurance. Even if they didn't take my insurance (all but one did) I still put them into the spreadsheet so that if I found them again I could check the sheet and know I didn't need to investigate further. I also tended to bump more legitimate and friendly-looking places to the top of the sheet. And if I were going to do it again I would also look for one specific thing, which is an assessment guide of some kind.
The assessment guide may be something they only give you after you speak with them, so it's not a no-go if they don't have one on their website, but it basically tells you what generally will go on during the assessment, how long it will take, and what you should bring. A full assessment like I had is estimated to take 4-6 hours and they recommended I wear layers so I wouldn't be overly cold/warm in their office, and to bring a snack. That's the kind of information you want, duration of the assessment and what they recommend for you, to ensure that you're working with people who are thorough and care about your comfort.
So, I have this spreadsheet now of places to reach out to, which I know take my insurance and do adult assessment. In the spreadsheet I also had columns for what date I contacted them and whether they'd responded. I started reaching out via email, one per day, with the form email I'd written.
The form email basically said "I'm 42 with no previous diagnosis but I have a family history of autism and dyslexia. I've been told I should get assessed for ADHD, so I'm looking for a clinic that will do the assessment and takes (my insurance). I prefer to be contacted by email but if need be, my phone number is (phone number). Please let me know if you have any open appointments and what information you will need from me to book an evaluation with you." (You can always ask for more information about the actual evaluation process once they respond.)
If I didn't get a response within 24 hours, I moved on to the next, but I only greyed out the text in that line of the spreadsheet; I didn't disqualify/remove the nonresponsive ones because again, I wanted to make sure I kept that information in case they eventually did respond. I did this with about ten clinics, because I figured I must be able to find at least one in ten who could do the eval, and I could go back and research more if necessary.
I think the third or fourth one I reached out to was the first to respond, and I ended up going with them; I had a very positive experience in the assessment itself but it was a real pain in the ass getting the documentation from them -- they took about a month to go through the evaluation data (this is not abnormal but is rather longer than usual according to my psychiatrist) and they gave me an in-person-by-zoom report once it was ready. That said, it took another four months and the threat of reporting them to the state to get them to send me the text of the eval (in part because the evaluator left the clinic unexpectedly with my formal report not yet written). But that's something that's truly impossible to know until you're working with them, and highly unusual, so don't let concerns about that deter you. If you end up in that situation come hit me up and I'll tell you how I dealt with that.
My eval recommended an executive function coach, but if I haven't been able to func it by now I never will, so I thanked them for the recommendation and went looking for a psychiatrist unaffiliated with the clinic to prescribe me meds. There, the key words you're going to be looking for are again "adult adhd" but also "adult disability" and if you want medication that's less likely to be a huge fucking hassle, "medication management". My psychiatrist and I meet every two months to reup my prescription, but he doesn't require me to take a regular drug test or meet him in person in order to get a new scrip, as some people have encountered. We meet in person once or twice a year (I can't remember, it's due to a legal requirement in Illinois) but otherwise it's over zoom.
So yeah -- it's a process, but there are ways to streamline and manage it, and a few tripwires in place to make sure you don't end up screwed by the system. Definitely feel free to ask if you have questions, either here or if you want a more indepth conversation you can email me at [email protected]. GOOD LUCK!
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hi there can you recommend me some enha writers please.
hiii OMG YES OFC i love this questionnn
(listed in alphabetical order, also disclaimer, there are sooo many enha writers i wish i could include and still wanna get to know better. this is just who i can think of on the top of my head atm):
@atrirose - seiu is such a legend and everybody loves her works. owns some of the most iconic enha work to exist on this sight 😌🤭
@boyfhee - cae is suchhh a talented writer omg so if you want well written work and good plot or just fun works to read, this is one of the ways i recommend going 😌 she’s also a super fun and funny person so 12/10 recommend 👍🏻
@delcakoo - i literally strive to be ema omg her works are so fun and creative and so well put tgt. i’ve enjoyed reading every single one 😭 missing new works from her (she’s on hiatus rn if you didn’t already know) but i hope she’s happy rn and is doing well <3
@heeracha - (rey imy 🫶🏻) there’s a reason why heeracha is so popular (even tho she’s ghosting 90% of the time 🙄 /j) it’s cuz rey’s works are so genius and so entertaining and creative and cute yet heart wrenching and the slowburn in a lot of her works just has you hooked in a way that is not easy for writers to do but she does so effortlessly 😔
@isoobie - if you want a go to for cute works i def recommend ri <3 also her aesthetic is always on point so 😌 she’s also super friendly and nice. def someone i recommend <3
@jaeyunverse - pls sage has some of the best works on here no joke. her plots are so genius and her works are so entertaining to read and so well written. go check her out fs <3
@jayflrt - one of the first enha writer’s i read for even before starting this blog,,, so you can kinda say it’s thanks to alice that goldenhypen even exists sjsnd and i think that alone says enough 😌
@sungbeam - beam currently isn’t writing for enha (← beam, correct me if i’m wrong djdjdj) but she has a bunch of enha works for you to check out. and i highly encourage you to bc her writing style is honestly one of my favourites i’ve ever found. she’s sooo talented and so hard working 🫶🏻
@tyunni - also such a legend. one of my fav ppl <3 and i’m not just recommending may cuz i’m being biased. no she’s sooo talented with some of the most fun and entertaining works on this site <3 all of her works are a must-read tbh sorry i don’t make the rules 🤷🏻♀️
and some bonus honourable mentions <3:
@byhees - sooo many cute and fun reads here. every time i read smth from violet i always leave kicking my feet and giggling to myself :’>
@heeliopheelia - ahh carly’s works are so well written and put tgt, enjoyable and (most of the time) fun to read (if not fun then heart breaking,, but in the best ways possible omg) def a writer you need to check out if you haven’t already <3
hope this helps anonnie and to anyone who wants to find some new writers to read from/support! ^_^ <3
#sorry i took a while anonnie :’> sjsjs#i hope this wasn’t too long either djdjd it was harder than i thought coming up w a short list :’>#hope you’re able to check them all out and find some of your new fav fics ^_^ <3#em answers#lovely anon#em’s recs#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader
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Never Have I Ever - Hangman
Pairing: Hangman / Civilian Contractor! Reader (Callsign: Dove)
Length: 3.2k
This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only
Warnings: Female Reader with a Callsign, but no Physical Description or Name; Not Necessarily Healthy Decisions/Coping Mechanisms; Shy! Reader; Lots of Jokes About Innocence; Slow Burn; Coworkers to Friends to Lovers; Oblivious Idiots; Excessive Pining
Summary: Dove is tired of being stereotyped as the nice, quiet girl who's so innocent it hurts. So, who does she call to help her? Hangman.
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Master List
It was always the quiet ones, they said. It was always the ones that you least expected. And Dove, the Dagger Squad’s resident civilian contractor, was just that.
She was quiet, shy, and had taken several weeks to actually accept an invite out to the Hard Deck with the rest of the squad. But now that she was standing in front of him with a determined, hardened stare, Hangman knew that he was going to get a headache. Or maybe have a heart attack. Or both.
And here he thought that he would get to enjoy his whiskey in peace on his first night of leave.
“You want me to do what?” he asked as he furrowed his eyebrows.
“I want you to teach me how to be like you,” Dove replied, like it was a common request.
“An asshole?”
“I guess, sort of,” Dove stated softly. “I know that I have a rep of being a . . .”
“Goody two shoes?” Hangman offered with a teasing smirk, taking a sip of his drink.
“Yeah,” Dove replied a bit tensely. Straightening up, she added, “And I’d like to change that.”
“Why?” Hangman asked, setting down his glass.
He looked her up and down, only finding more evidence to prove his point. She wore jean shorts that were perhaps a little short—for a nunnery. Her shirt was a plain graphic tee, leaving everything except the very top of her collarbone to the imagination. And whatever make up she wore didn’t make her any less innocent or doe-eyed.
“Because no offense, Dove, but you really live up to your callsign.”
“So do you, Hangman,” Dove replied, staring him down with a defiant expression.
He sighed, slowly rubbing his hand down his face. Well, here comes the headache. Taking another sip of his whiskey, Jake turned to Dove, trying to read her. Sure, he had made a few comments about how she could live a little. Loosen up and enjoy herself for once. But he had a feeling that her request wasn’t just a one-night proposition.
And that quietly unnerved him.
“You want me to help you stop being so innocent?”
“I’m not innocent,” she snapped back.
“Alright, but you are a goody two shoes,” Hangman drawled and Dove didn’t move to argue with that point.
“So, do you have any ideas?” Dove asked after a moment, resting her hands on the table.
“You heard of Never Have I Ever?”
“Of course, I have,” she scoffed.
“Alright, well, we’re going to play a game of Never Have I Ever.”
“That’s your big plan?” Dove questioned, not looking impressed.
“You wanted my expertise on the subject,” Hangman reminded her, getting up and leading her in the direction of the Dagger Squad.
“And how many times are we going to play that?” Dove huffed, following after him.
“I don’t know. Ten?”
“That’s it?”
“One hundred then,” Hangman stated, turning to face Dove, whose eyes widened a fraction as he turned to face her. His smirk widened and he leaned in a little closer, hoping to unnerve her to back out of this ridiculous idea. “Unless you think you can’t handle it?”
“I can handle it,” she growled with determination shining in her eyes.
“Then let’s begin.”
~~~~~
#1 - Smoked a Cigarette
“Are you sure about this, Dove?” Bob asked, opening up his pack.
They were standing outside the Hard Deck together. Hangman hung back a step, there to be a witness and a fireman, if necessary. Bob shared a concerned look with Hangman, who shook his head in response. Turning back to Dove, who was glaring at the floor, Bob tried to reason with her.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“Just hand me a cigarette, Bob,” she demanded, holding out her hand.
Bob tentatively handed over a cigarette to Dove, who took it quickly but seemed to pause when Bob took out his lighter. Bob lit up his own cigarette and took a drag before handing the lighter over to Dove. She took it firmly but seemed to struggle to light a flame. And Hangman could only watch her struggle to light her cigarette so many times before he finally stepped in. Taking the lighter from her, he lit it with a flick of his thumb before holding it out to Dove.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Hangman told her. “Just copy Bob.”
Dove held the cigarette over the flame and slowly brought her lips to the other end of it. She took a drag like Bob did, but unlike Bob, she immediately started coughing. Hangman sighed and took the cigarette from her hand as she continued to cough.
“You alright?” Hangman asked her, putting out the cigarette. Pulling out a cup of water, he placed it down in front of Dove.
“How are your lungs still functioning?” Dove coughed out, directing her question at Bob, who shrugged in response. “Jesus Christ!”
“Well, one down, ninety-nine left to go,” Hangman stated calmly, typing away at his phone. “What’s next?”
~~~~~
# 2 - Done a Shot of Tequila
“You’ve never actually done a shot of tequila? You’ve spent the last five years of your life in the Southwest,” Hangman pointed out, causing Dove to give him a sharp look.
“She’s never actually finished a shot of tequila,” Bob explained, causing Dove to sigh.
“I don’t like tequila, alright?” she mumbled quietly.
“Then why are you drinking it?” Hangman asked her as Penny placed a shot glass down. Leaning forward a bit more, he added, “Don’t do this stuff if you don’t actually want to do it.”
“I do want to do it,” Dove stated firmly.
“You just said—”
“—I want to do this.”
Dove and Hangman had a bit of a staring contest before he sighed and broke it off. Penny filled up the shot glass and placed a saltshaker on the bar before handing Dove a wedge of lime. She offered Dove a small smile before shooting Hangman and Bob warning looks to watch her before heading off to serve more customers.
“You don’t have to do this,” Hangman reminded Dove gently.
“I need to,” she replied quietly.
Dove stared down at the shot for a moment, resting her hands on the bartop. She looked like she was going to walk away for a moment until she suddenly grabbed the shot glass and knocked it back. Wincing and gagging, Dove shoved the lime into her mouth, sucking on the tart wedge dramatically. Jake leaned over the bar and grabbed a few more lime wedges, which Dove took gratefully.
“Alright, what else can we do here tonight?”
~~~~~
# 3 - Stolen Toilet Paper
Dove stepped out of the womens’ bathroom and held up a roll of toilet paper, shooting Hangman an annoyed look as he gave her a thumbs up in return.
“This is the best that you could come up with? Really?”
“I’m working on it. Trust the process.”
Dove sighed and handed him the roll of toilet paper before walking off, shaking her head. Hangman set the toilet paper down before walking after her.
“We need some help,” Dove stated, heading towards the Daggers.
~~~~~
# 4 - Gone Commando
“How do you feel?” Phoenix asked as Dove stepped out of the womens’ room.
“Like I should have worn a different pair of shorts for tonight,” Dove replied, awkwardly pulling at her jean shorts.
“Just do a lap and put them back on,” Hangman suggested, causing Dove to nod.
She walked off to do a lap of the bar, allowing Phoenix to turn to Hangman with slightly narrowed eyes. Hangman promptly ignored her gaze, watching Dove as she walked around, making sure that no one messed with her. There was no way that Dove would actually be able to talk her way out of most situations in her current state.
“What’s going on with her?” Phoenix asked quietly.
“I don’t know what’s going on with her.”
“So, why are you doing this then?”
“She asked me to help her and because I’m a gentleman, Phoenix, I decided to help her,” Hangman replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“If you’re planning on humiliating her later—”
“—And why would I do that?” Hangman asked Phoenix defensively, causing Phoenix to purse her lips together.
“You made fun of Bob in the beginning. And they’re pretty similar. Except Dove doesn’t hold her own as well as Bob does in situations like this.” Phoenix turned forward again as Dove began to walk back over. “I just want to make sure that she doesn’t get hurt. She’s obviously going through something.”
Hangman didn't respond to Phoenix and simply stared ahead until Dove walked back over.
“I’m never doing that again,” Dove sighed, heading straight to the bathroom.
“Did you want to do the same with your bra just to knock another one off the list?” Jake suggested, but Dove shook her head.
“No, I can’t.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve done that before. Plenty of times,” Dove explained, opening the door to the bathroom.
“Oh.”
Phoenix glanced up at Hangman, who did not meet her gaze once again.
~~~~~
# 5 - Eaten Food Off of Someone Else
“Don’t look at me while I do this,” Dove pleaded with Hangman, who stared up at the night sky.
“It’s just a French fry, Dove. And you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
“No, you’re right,” she sighed. “It’s just a French fry.”
Hangman kept his eyes focused on the stars. Dove leaned down and took the French fry that he placed on his bare stomach between her teeth. She seemed to struggle to pick it up without actually touching him and Hangman could see her squirming a bit before she finally grabbed it properly. Standing up, she chewed the fry as Jake sat up.
“You want to switch?”
~~~~~
# 6 - Had Someone Else Eat Food Off of You
Dove struggled to swallow her squeak when Jake swooped his head down and ate the French fry that she placed on her stomach without hesitation. Casually pulling out his phone as he chewed the French fry, Jake typed the latest challenge onto the list. Dove slowly sat up, pulling her shirt back down bashfully.
“You’ve done that before then?” she asked quietly, standing up from the couch.
“Yeah, a few times,” Hangman dismissed with a shrug of his shoulders. “What’s next?”
~~~~~
# 7 - Touched the Bar Floor with Your Bare Foot
Dove balanced herself with a hand on the table and slowly placed her foot down on the bar floor, cringing as she felt the sticky surface. Even most of the other Daggers were cringing as she held it there for a moment.
“That was so gross,” Dove huffed, pulling her foot back up. Leaning on the table, she shot the man who came up with that challenge a glare. “You’re dead to me, Fanboy.”
“My actual suggestion was lick it so—”
“—You are disgusting,” Payback cut off his wizzo.
“Come on, the beach shower isn't too far from here,” Hangman offered, holding out his hand, and helping Dove hop on one leg out the side door.
~~~~~
# 8 - Flashed Someone
Phoenix and Dove returned to the Dagger table from the bathroom.
“I can confirm that she does, in fact, have breasts,” Phoenix stated calmly, causing Dove to grow bashful and avoid eye contact with the other Daggers.
~~~~~
# 9 - Shotgunned a Beer
“Alright, just hold it like that for now,” Jake instructed Dove as he handed the beer can to her. “Now, when you’re ready, you’re going to turn it vertically and drink from the hole that I just made and quickly open the top while you do that.”
“Okay,” Dove agreed, running through the steps in her head. “Do I just go then?”
“Here, I’ll show you,” Rooster offered, stepping onto the sand beside Dove.
Dove watched Rooster with an edge of apprehension as he easily shotgunned his beer, growing only more nervous. It was like he was drinking water. And Dove wasn’t convinced that she would even finish half of it. She stared down at her own beer for a moment before glancing up at Hangman with a bit of a tentative look.
“Bradshaw was just showing off,” Hangman scoffed, shooting Rooster a look before turning back to Dove. “Don’t worry about it. Just do what you can.”
Dove nodded and slowly brought her mouth to the beer can before tilting it on its side. She struggled to open it while drinking for a moment, but eventually managed it. Dove took a few gulps before she quickly pulled the can away from her mouth, letting the remaining beer pour out onto the sand. Jake took the beer can from her as she wiped her mouth and neck.
“You alright?” Jake asked her.
“Yeah. It’s a good thing that I don’t like this shirt though,” she sighed, pulling at the fabric. “And that it’s not seethrough right now.”
“Yeah,” Jake agreed, trailing off quietly.
~~~~~
# 10 - Played Darts
“Alright, now this isn’t like throwing a baseball. There’s no big wind up. It’s just a flick,” Hangman coached Dove, who listened closely. “And I won’t tell you how to aim too much because I’m sure that you’re already calculating gravity and air resistance and all of that in your head. So, just try it out.”
Hangman handed her three darts and motioned for her to take a throw. Dove stepped up to the line and prepared to make her first throw when two men walked over.
“Can you teach the Girl Scout how to throw later? We’d like to play,” one of them stated gruffly, causing Dove to lower her hand slowly.
“You can wait or go to a different bar,” Hangman retorted back. “We were here first.”
“She obviously doesn’t even know how to throw. We want to play an actual game.”
“Congratulations,” Jake replied sarcastically. “We were still here first.”
Dove was about to tell Jake to just drop it and let the two men play to keep the peace, but he was prepared to dig his heels in.
“How about the man who scores the highest on one throw gets to stay?” the man suggested with a smirk.
“Fine by me.”
Handing over a dart, Hangman tilted his chin up with a challenging expression in his eye. The man took his shot first and Dove watched the dart land on the board. It wasn't in the center, but it must have been a decent shot because the man turned to his friend with a smirk before turning back to Jake.
Hangman glared at the man and stepped up a little bit before throwing the dart without looking. Dove couldn’t help the sudden and extremely warm feeling that came over her when she saw it land dead center. Holding her darts to her chest, she glanced over to see the men staring a bit dumbfounded at the board.
“Now, move along,” Jake warned them.
After they walked off with their tails between their legs, Jake collected his two darts.
“Go ahead,” he replied, as if nothing happened.
Dove nodded and turned to the board again. A bit unfocused, she tossed the first dart and winced when it bounced off the wood with an awkward clack.
“Don’t tell Penny about that.”
“Just relax. And loosen your stance some more.”
Dove let out some of the tension in her body and focused on the dart board. Lining up her shot, Dove ran through some quick calculations in her head before she tossed her second dart. It landed on the board and Jake stepped forward, nodding in approval.
“Not bad at all. But you need to turn more.”
Dove held her breath a bit as Jake quickly and methodically moved her hips and shoulders into place. She looked down at her feet as he moved her left foot back with his own, her grip on her dart tightening just a bit more.
“Alright, now try again.”
The whack of the dart hitting the wall caused Dove to grow a bit embarrassed for a moment. But she let out a breath to steady herself and lined up another shot. Taking a moment to center herself, she tossed the dart and smiled when it landed on the board.
“Land one more and you’re done,” Jake stated, handing her another dart.
Licking her lips, Dove lined up her last shot and threw it, landing on the board once again. She held up her hands victoriously and laughed before turning to Jake, who offered her a kind smile in return.
“Thank you,” she whispered out, giving him a quick hug.
“Any time.”
Jake released her from the hug and Dove moved to collect the darts to put them away. Clearing his throat, he looked at the floor before turning back to her as she walked back over.
~~~~~
# 11 - Not Tipped
“I feel bad about this,” Dove sighed, signing the receipt.
“It’s three dollars. I think that Penny will forgive you this one time,” Jake assured her.
“I’ll forgive you,” Penny stated, walking over to them. “Especially since you’re tutoring Amelia in math. And you refuse to take a normal rate for it.”
Dove nodded with a small smile and passed the receipt over to Penny with an apologetic expression. Jake got called over by Coyote for something, leaving Penny and Dove alone for a few moments.
“You sure that you’re alright, Dove?” Penny asked her softly.
“I’m fine, Penny.”
“You sure? You’re a nice girl. And there’s nothing wrong with being a nice person. I don’t have to throw people like you out of the bar, for one thing.”
“People take advantage of nice people,” Dove replied quietly, putting her card away.
“Just be careful, alright?”
“I will be.”
~~~~~
# 12 - Danced on a Table
Dove took Jake’s hand and stepped up onto the table. It was after hours at the Hard Deck and Penny had allowed her to dance up on the table for a little bit before they all headed home. Dove turned to face the Dagger Squad and grew a bit shy with all of them staring at her. Looking around like she didn’t know what to do, Dove nervously played with her shirt.
“Now what?”
“Hold on a second,” Rooster replied, jogging over to the piano.
He played a familiar tune and Dove started to do an awkward dance for a few seconds. But when people started clapping, she folded and quickly moved to hop off the table. Jake offered her a hand as she stepped down onto a chair.
“Alright, safe travels home everyone,” Penny called out, officially ending the night.
“We’ll pick up again tomorrow?” Dove suggested to Jake, sliding on her shoes.
“Yeah, just text me when you’re ready.”
“Thanks for doing this again,” she replied, getting to her feet.
“Don’t mention it.”
She nodded and smiled at him before turning to head out with Phoenix and Bob. Jake watched her go for a moment before moving to head home himself.
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
#top gun fanfiction#top gun maverick#top gun: maverick#top gun#tgm#tgm fanfiction#jake hangman seresin#jake hangman seresin x reader#jake seresin x reader#hangman fanfiction#hangman fic#hangman series#hangman x reader#jake hangman x reader
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Ɗᥙҽ 𝜏σ ᙏყ Ɲҽɯ⨍σᥙɳԃ Ƒιχα𝜏ισɳ... ♚
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Specifically with the Gluttonous Sin of Beelzebub being my favorite Sin of the group (not necessarily in Helluva Boss, but just in general), I wanted to make a ranking list of my favorite Queen Bee redesigns and their creators for really no other reason than I just feel like it. Now, this is all personal opinions and should not be taken to heart by any means, it's just for fun:
#1. "Beelzebub & Bibi" by @gravcore
♡ In terms of an actual redesign of the original, I love how this artist made "Bibi" because, for one thing, they made sense of the originals hair by giving her a ponytail since way too many characters have a mohawk style (Loona included); two, I cannot explain just how much I adore the clothes they gave her. The top is actually insect based and gorgeous, and not some recolor version of Loona's outfit; and third, they made canon Bee her own character rather than a royal because nothing about the OG read "Ancient Sin" to anybody.
♡ Now, in terms of the actual Beelzebub, here, she's legitimately stunning. Rather than a redesign, I can tell this was the original long before the Queen Bee episode came out, and I love how it reads both "70's party girl" and "regal ruler" all in one. That, and the actual bug design aspect and the color scheme. Above all else, I love how they incorporated the lava stomach in her design, too.
#2. "Beelzebub" by @s3tok41b4
♡ This design can best be described as a literal re-imagine of the canon Beelzebub as it shares almost all her similarities with the actual bug aspect to it that it desperately needed. It's legitimately simplistic but still appealing to the eye, futher showing us that Viv was perfectly capable of making something so simple, but actively chose to make it more confusing than it had to be.
#3. "Beelzebub" by @ruinxl0ve
♡ Similar to the first two, this shares both a regal and party girl bug aesthetic with the added bonus of actually being beautifully emotive despite not even having a mouth. I feel this beautifully differentiates the design from the original while also making it recognizable and I feel that it kinda feeds into the original concept that Queen Bee could literally "feel the vibe", hinting to her being an empath in some manner.
#4. "The Three Bees" by @onehelluvatime
♡ Long story short, these are three individual versions of the Queen Bee and her new placing within the Hellaverse outside of the canon one. For more in-depth explanation of these interpretations, it's best to check the blog yourself. Truly, I love these designs not only because of the visual redesigns themselves, but also the well-crafted and creative explanations and backgrounds regarding these characters. I especially like the idea that the hellhounds within society are half-undead with skull-like appendages and facial aspects.
#5. "Spontaneous Beelzebub" by @redd-byrd
♡ I know it's essentially the same as the canon design, but with the small tweaks that were made to this one (the giant "Bee Butt", the added black lines, the actual bug-like wings, the blue-thin eyes), all of them give a more clear indication (at least to me) that this Bee is more higher up than her fellow hellhounds, meaning she looks a lot more like a hybrid thus making her more grand. It's nice how they added these small details for improvement while still essentially leaving the design like its original.
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Anyway, thanks for listening to my Ted Talk. Have a nice day!
#helluva boss critical#vivziepop critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss#helluva boss critique#hazbin hotel critical#helluva critical#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel critique#vivziepop criticism#personal opinion#pls dont hate me#pls dont be offended#credit to artist#credit to artists#helluva boss redesign#beelzebub#queen beelzebub#queen bee
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Ways to consume Journey to the West (without needling to buy and read a full translation)!
I’ve noticed that a lot of people can’t read the book for a lot of different reasons, so I’ve compiled a couple of my favourite ways of consume the story while bypassing these problems, categorized by the various issues I’ve come across.
Note that this is mainly for English speakers, as that’s the language I default to for translations.
The book is too inaccessible/expensive for me to obtain physically
Journey to the West Research has an entire blog post dedicated to compiling free PDF versions of the book. This includes many languages, not just English.
I struggle with reading text in that quantity
There are abridged versions of the story, my personal favourite is the one by Julie Lovell—it’s approximately a quarter of the original story’s length, and mainly focuses on the most iconic chapters. These versions are also typically more easily found in local bookstores.
I struggle with reading novels in general
The story has been converted into audio form! Here are the ones off the top of my head, each listed with their own pros and cons:
Journey to the West: An Audio Drama Series is an original translation told in a read-aloud format, in which the host, Lin, acts as a kindly librarian reading to a group of awaiting 1st graders. She gives every character a distinct voice and personality, and she’s obviously delighted to be able to share her culture with the listeners. The show used to have free translation notes, where Lin gets to act as a disgruntled translator going on about the intricacies of the Chinese language and historical/mythological contexts, but these now require a subscription to access. This show is the reason why I know how to pronounce these characters’ names.
Legends Summarized: The Journey to the West by Overly Sarcastic Productions is one that I’m sure I don’t need to include (because of how widespread it is) but feel I should because someone is gonna mention is anyways. It’s a very summarized, very sarcastic retelling of Red’s favourite chapters in the book, accompanied by fun visuals and the excitement of someone who clearly knows and loves what they’re talking about. As Red has said herself, this series should not be your only source of JTTW knowledge, as she simplifies it a ton to make it more digestible. Great for people who are just getting into the story and want a general overview, not great for people who want a more in-depth understanding of the themes and other complexities.
Journey of the Monkey King is a podcast akin to a longform, more in depth version of the OSP series. It consists of two Irish comedians discussing one chapter per episode; one of them (Caoimhe) has read the book, the other (MJ) hasn’t. The format is mainly Caoimhe giving a comedic abridged version of the chapter while MJ gawks in horror at whatever absurdity the Monster-of-the-Week presents. Because it’s hosted by Irish people, there isn’t much cultural context given, and some names are butchered, however I do find this one a lot easier to follow in comparison to the Audio Drama Series, and it’s far more detailed than Legends Summarized.
Journey to the West English Amateur Audiobook is one that is on my radar but have not started. To my current knowledge, it is an audiobook version of the WJF Jenner translation, which is notable to me because most of these types of podcasts are derived from the Anthony C Yu translation, so this one would be a nice listen to compare how the two went about handling the text.
Please know that this post isn’t intended to shame anyone into consuming the story; it’s not for everyone! But I’ve come across my fair share of aspiring fans who couldn’t access the book in a way that suited them (including myself) so I wanted to make this knowledge more generally know for anyone else who might need it :]
#journey to the west#jttw#xiyouji#there are a TON of podcasts that discuss this book I barely scratched the surface#sorry for the monkey posting I have Journey brain atm#post!
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Smaugust: "glow"
For Smaugust I am drawing cats as dragons. If you want me to draw your cat as a dragon, reblog this post with a photo of your cat, as well as the cat's name included in the body of the post. Read below the cut for full details; it's the same as in previous years.
This particular post is accepting requests so long as it's still 22 August 2024 somewhere in the world. If it's no longer that date, check my blog to see if there's a current post.
One request per person per day, and only one cat per request. It is acceptable, and even encouraged, to make a request for every day of Smaugust.
Cats will be dragonified in accordance with the theme for the day, given in the post's title. I'm using the prompts from @pencilcat's list, although not necessarily in the given order.
Non-cats are allowed so long as you provide reasons why the animal in question is actually totally a cat.
Check the date given at the top of the post, to see if requests are open for it. Unless it's literally impossible, I'll be drawing and then posting every valid request I've received; however, sometimes that gets done once requests are closed for a post. So just because I reblog this post and add art to it, that doesn't necessarily mean it's okay to make your own request (doesn't necessarily mean that it's not okay, either).
One thing that's changed from last year: there won't be a post for every day in August. I'll be deciding each day whether I feel up to making a new post (and thus taking requests) at the moment, or if I need to work on the requests I still have, or take a rest. Since I can't guarantee that requests will be open for any given day, if you know ahead of time that you're not going to be available on certain days but you'd still like to see your cat drawn as a dragon, get in touch with me ahead of time, because I'd hate for anyone to have to miss out.
The deadline for requests on a particular post is "when it's no longer that day anywhere in the world". This is because I hate fiddling with time zones. If you're in the Americas, this means anywhere from a couple to a bunch of hours past midnight, depending on where you live; in Europe, it's longer than that; for the rest of the world, listen I don't actually know where the international date line is (if that's what it's called) and I don't care enough to look it up. In practice, the deadline is "whenever I get online the next day", unless I'm sufficiently annoyed or particular that I'll actually check the date stamps.
I'd prefer for you to only give me one picture per request that you want drawn as a dragon, because then I don't have to choose. However, it's perfectly okay to include extra photos if you just want to show off your cat; I'd just ask that if there's more than two of them, that you put them under a cut so they won't take up too much room on anyone's dash.
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BEGGING FOR SOME LIKE JACK FLUFF FROM LIKE A ROUGH DAY ON SET AND HIM JUST BEING SWEET TO US!! (my first scenario🥳)
ROUGH DAY
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jack champion x fem!reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: it’s one of those days on set, and jack is not having it. even worse that it’s his birthday, the day when it’s supposed to be fun and carefree. then, you come along to truly show how much he means to you.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: none! just tooth rotting fluff :)
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,224
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: FIRST JACK FIC LFG.
also, since this is my other account for non-sturniolo fics i’m still putting the same tag list. if you would like to not get tagged for this blog, just let me know!
shoutout to bbg @venusbabysblog for helping me get started🥹
𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 blessing. it’s a job where you have great opportunities to meet amazing people and be in hit films, but sometimes it’s a struggle. jack opens the door to his trailer with a clenched jaw, shutting the door as he looks around. his eyebrows twitch in confusion, noticing how you’re not in sight.
your boyfriend loves to bring you along to wherever he goes for filming. one reason being that he honestly can’t live without you, but also because you’re his biggest fan and will support him through anything. usually, you’d be watching him act from afar or you’d be waiting in his trailer by watching TV or keeping yourself occupied in general. however, you’re nowhere to be seen.
he’s on a long break until later tonight, which annoys him. he just wants this day to be over. “y/n?” he calls out, peeking his head into the small bedroom. alas, you’re not there.
alarms start to go off in his head, although it’s silly. you can’t really go anywhere, but since you’re not in your usual spot, the caring boyfriend in him makes him worry that something bad has happened. especially since you didn’t text him that you were going somewhere or anything.
then, a giggle is heard along with the opening of his trailer door, and he turns around to face the noise. he takes a small sigh of relief when he sees you beaming from ear to ear holding a present bag.
while in the middle of a scene, jack texted you about the day he’s having—lines he couldn’t nail, and a director who seemed impossible to please. you frown slightly when you see his semi-disgruntled face, shuffling over to him excitedly to wrap your arms around his body in an embrace he desperately needs. he exhales deeply, bends down to nuzzle his face into your neck, and kisses it softly.
“sorry, i was hoping i’d be back before you were, but your mom and i got stuck in traffic,” you say in his chest before pulling away after long seconds. trying to make the atmosphere more positive, you smile and extend your arm with the bag in hand. “happy birthday!”
the smallest smile appears on his face, grabbing your hand to head over to the leather couch to sit down. he places the bag onto the floor, removing the tissue inside of it to reveal his presents. his eyes widen in surprise, seeing more than he thought you’d get him. “you didn’t have to do all of this...” he says, a small blush forming on his cheeks.
he pulls out the first thing that sits on top of the rest, which is a homemade birthday card out of construction paper in his favorite color. he lets out a chuckle as he looks at the front of it, seeing two drawn stick figures that are supposed to be you and him holding hands with the title in big writing: HAPPY BIRTHDAY •ᴗ•
opening the card, there’s a bunch of words scribbled on the right side.
jack,
*queue song* happy birthday to you!
i am so incredibly proud of you watching the way you chase your dreams. here’s to many more birthdays, memories, and quiet moments in between the chaos. no matter how many lights and cameras around, you’ll always just be jack to me. the one who laughs too loud, holds me close, and somehow manages to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world.
i’m so grateful to be apart of your story.
always, y/n ❤︎
p.s. like what your name implies, you are indeed a champion.
his heart jumps with joy, closing the note and leaning in to peck you on the nose. your face turns red as you try not to beam with happiness, tilting your head to the bag. “there’s still a lot more.”
he nods, placing the card aside as he grabs a leather journal, specifically personalized for him. the border of it is embroidered with eye-catching detail, his initials JC in big cursive letters in the middle. you know jack sometimes likes to scribble lines down in between takes in a way to remember, or something to put his ideas in for fun. he flips through the pages rapidly, the gust of air flowing on his face as he smells the paper and leather mixed.
you watch his every move, nibbling on your bottom lip excitedly when he pulls out a small, navy blue box. inside of it is a chained necklace with a small pendant of a waxing crescent. the moon phase the day he was born.
scratching the back of your neck nervously, you speak. “this one’s a little girly…” you trail off. “you don’t have to wear it, you can hang it up or something for decoration. i just thought it was pretty.”
he nudges your arm with his elbow. “stop that. it’s beautiful; i love it.”
jack carefully takes it out of the box, undoing the chain and reaching behind his neck to clip it. the length is perfect, and the accessory oddly suits him. “thank you.” he says softly, running his hand over the moon and reaching into the bag once more.
this time, he pulls out two things. another book along with a film camera on top of it tied in ribbon so both items can stick together. while untying it, he notices the scrapbook underneath.
THE STORY OF US…
he glances at you as he starts to look into it. the pages are filled with film photos, ticket stubs, and little mementos from your favorite times together. you’d written little captions under each, capturing inside jokes and sweet moments. it was something he could flip through on hard days.
however, each left page is blank. “you can add to it whenever you have the time. it takes two people to make a love story, you know.” you explain, feeling somewhat cheesy and cringy at the saying, but you mean it.
last but not least, the last few items are snacks. homemade cookies, energy bars, and even a small container of his favorite food.
he feels overwhelmed by all of the gifts but in a good way. nobody has ever shown him this much adoration before, and it’s obvious how much he means to you. “y/n.” your name rolls perfectly off of his tongue, his eyes not leaving the presents now scattered on the couch cushion. “i love it all so much. genuinely, thank you.”
you place your hands on the sides of his neck so he can look at you, kissing him full of love. he cherishes you, and he couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend. he’s always so grateful that he met you that time in his hometown. you made his 𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐃𝐀𝐘 turn around completely.
“how’d you even do all of this?” he adds, starting to feel dumbfounded about how you did all of this under his nose without him knowing.
“i don’t kiss and tell.” you say with a smirk. “but also with the help of your mom.”
laughing, he grunts as he lays to rest his head on your stomach, your hands finding way into his wavy hair. “i’m so in love with you.” he mumbles, grabbing your hand and kissing the back of it.
best. birthday. ever.
𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!
@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @moncherriis @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @raysmayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @tworosesblackthorn @gnxosblog @junnniiieee07 @flowerxbunnie @imaslut4kehlani @sturniolosandmoree @hearrtsturns @freshsturns @etershine @sukiipjs @h3arts4harry @sturnioloblogs @creamoncreamoncream2 @ivyyyyyysposts @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @mbsbaby @mattsdollie @thesturniolos @nononopenono1 @bitchydragonparadise @hrt-attack @dwntwn-strnlo @venusbabysblog @meerkatzthings @bernardsbendystraws @hoes4matthew @deareststurns @starz4star
#jack champion#jack champion x reader#jack champion imagine#jack champion fanfic#ethan landry#ethan landry x reader#ethan landry imagine#scream#scream six#scream 6#ghostface#{ 𑁍ࠬܓ } : requests!
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I'm right here! (Oscar Piastri)
People seem to forget you're dating Oscar
Note: english is not my first language. Another Oscar piece 🫶
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Cw: jealous themes
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3
"Do you think this will translate as well on the track though?", Phil, the head of the engineering department, asked as you showed him the latest set of data.
"Even with the interval we've set for changes, these numbers show it could improve performance, especially in race pace", you pointed to the calculations on the side.
"We would only have it for Miami, though", he reasoned, "we don't have enough time to get this done for Shanghai and I don't think it would be wise to test this in a track we haven't raced in five years", Amelia argued as you nodded in agreement, "but it looks promising - good job, Y/N", she patted your back.
"Would you feel comfortable talking about it in the meeting with Zak, Andrea and the mechanics? You have been the one working the most with this, makes sense for you to be the one taking point. Lando and Oscar should join you as well - I think they're doing something on the Sim", William mused.
"Absolutely! Yes, Oscar said he was driving a new set up and strategy Tom also wants to discuss in the meeting", you offered with a smile.
"Having insider information makes this easier - I don't have to check every single e-mail and wonder about things, especially Oscar's schedule", Amelia chuckled, rubbing your shoulder before she got up.
As everyone gathered in the meeting room, you set your laptop up so the latest data would be seen by everyone as you spoke about the changes, "we don't think nor expect this will be ready for China, but we're hoping to have the new package in Miami already - gives us enough time to work on it and the track there is ideal for us to have an idea of how this could play out for the rest of the season", you concluded.
"I agree - I think China will be damage control racing and we're accepting it as it goes", Andrea stated.
"We just need to get going with these then and also get the guys to try it out on the- Oh! Speaking of the devil", Zak chuckled as Oscar and Lando stepped inside the meeting room.
"So that's that, I think - thank you for all your work and let's hope we can bring some points next weekend", the British driver said before everyone scattered out.
Closing your laptop and getting your tablet, you held them against your torso so you could go and set them back to your station before lunch. You didn't make it very far as Oscar stood just outside the room, his hand snaking up your back carefully as he didn't want to startle you.
"Good morning, love", he smiled, kissing your cheek and walking with you.
"Morning, Osc", you kissed his cheek back, "how was training?", you wondered.
"Same old - went for a run this time, though, it was nice enough outside", your boyfriend offered as you reached your desk, tidying it a little bit before leaving to get some lunch, walking hand in hand.
You didn't expect to fall for a driver, especially after the relationship you had with Lando. You behaved like siblings, often pranking eachother, and it had helped you grow more confident around him and the senior staff when you felt you were all but a small intern. Over the years, you grew more comfortable as your ideas and pitches would get considered and tested, finally feeling like your place was well earned and that at the right time, the development would come to bring McLaren to the top where it belonged.
When Oscar joined the team, however, you didn't expect to feel the way you felt about the Australian driver. He was handsome, very shy and very kind and thoughtful as he sat all through the meetings as you explained the changes. Jeopardising your career was something you didn't want to do, but after some not so careful touches and glances, the team assured you it wouldn't be an issue in case you and Oscar were to pursue a relationship together.
"Here's my favourite team-mate! And she brought Oscar with her!", Lando joked as you sat at the same table as him.
Swatting his neck playfully, you sat down next to him so you could face Oscar as he put his tray down, "I will revoke new updates package from you and you'll be stuck in the midfield", you taunted before you started eating.
"Do you want to spend the night at my place? I need to sort a few things out still this afternoon, but I'm hoping I can leave on time today", you squinted your eyes.
"What do you mean on time?", Lando quirked an eyebrow.
"Yesterday, she got so caught up in the calculations, I barely got a text out of her when I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me", Oscar chuckled as you held hands on top of the table, playing with his fingers, "what was it you texted me? 'I'm having a breakthrough' I think it was", your boyfriend offered.
"I did, though! Amelia checked it over and we might be onto something - I have to go to Race Base this afternoon so they can check them out", you shrugged your shoulders."We're spending the whole afternoon in the sim", Oscar checked with you, "when you get off, then we can leave together - how does that sound?".
Coming back to your place after you stopped by the supermarket, you set the bag on the counter and pulled out all of the ingredients you bought to make sure the dinner would be suitable and appropriate to Oscar's plan.
"I haven't had a proper cuddle today", Oscar pulled you to him, beggining to litter kisses on your forehead all the way to your cheeks and jaw, "I can't ever do this at the center", he mumbled against your neck, tickling you.
"We could, just where there are no other team members", you giggled before cupping his cheeks, "which happens to be nowhere most of the time", before you kissed his lips.
"I'm going to start working on the chicken", Oscar said after you stole a few kisses, "are you going to be in the Center for the race?".
"No, I'm travelling with the team", you smiled as you took the fresh pasta out of the bag, "which means we can spend more time together - and people will actually see us together", you mumbled the last part.
"People know we're together, love", he smiled, cutting up the last bit of garlic and tossing it in the pan.
"Sometimes it doesn't seem like it - they didn't see me in Jeddah and the rumours flew out of control", you wiped your hands on the kitchen towell before hugging Oscar's back, resting your cheek between his shoulder blades.
"You know how the media works - they see the smallest hint to something they want to see and then they're there", he offered, taking one of his hands to squeeze your hip, "you're the one here, aren't you?", he tsked.
.
"Where are you going?", Oscar asked as he saw you grab a tablet and push the chair back under the table, "I thought we could have some time together now".
"The stewards picked out eight cars at random to get checked over a few components - Mike and Barry are waiting for me", you offered, pecking his lips quickly, "hopefully they're just not messing around with our schedule because everything is supposed to be how it is!", you smiled before you started to walk out.
"I'll go with you, then", your boyfriend assured, "can't have you go to the wolves on your own when you can have company, beautiful".
Oscar walked up to the building with you, kissing your temple before you stepped inside, "I left some data from the sprint for you to look at, and tell Lando I also left a file for him with his tire deg - I told Will to do it, but he might forget!", you alerted before letting him go.
Knowing how long it would take, he went back to the McLaren garage, stopping whenever fans snapped a couple of pictures or autographs.
By the time you were back in the hotel room after the sprint and qualifying, Oscar went to the bathroom so he could have a shower, leaving you to lay on the bed and scroll through social media.
You looked at the photos the media team had posted, along with the stories where you could spot yourself in the background and spotted a few comments as you flicked through the carrousel of pictures, the comments under it weren't something you hadn't seen before.
Hear me out, Oscar and Elaine are the perfect match
I know, right? 😭 honestly, they need to get together! They would be so cute together
She's so polite and put together, but I get rhe vibe that she's really shy too, they would be perfect for eachother
Are we forgetting Y/N? aka Oscar's girlfriend
I still can't believe the people at the top have let their engineer date a driver
Y/N's way too out there, I call PR relationship
She couldn't even build a great car, I'm not sure why you would defend her
She was literally the reason the car and the turnaround last year and we started getting podiums?
These have been the best 12 months in terms of development, what are you on about? Just because she's with Oscar, you can't dig at her like that
The last few comments don't come up too often, but you had to admit it was nice when they did even if they did nothing to the way you felt.
The green eyed monster took over more times that you'd like. You work with numbers, probabilities and direct correlations, so it was hard to miss the reason behind how you were feeling.
"Why are you looking at your phone like that? You promised you wouldn't work once we got back to the room", Oscar warned, using the towell to dry his hair before he looked at you again.
"I'm not working", you mumbled, locking the phone and setting it on your stomach, pondering whether or not you should talk to Oscar about this.
"That long silence tells me that there is something bothering you", Oscar began, "I'm not saying you have to talk about it right now - I won't force you to -, but I'm here for you when you want to do it", he offered earnestly.
"I'm jealous of you and Elaine", you stated, earning a quirked eyebrow from your boyfriend.
"Me and Elaine? The communications' intern?", he looked for some clarification.
"Yes!", you answered loudly.
"We don't - I don't even spend that much time with her, what do you mean?", Oscar asked.
"I know you don't, but people online seem to think you should! First, it was that actress that McLaren invited for Abu Dhabi - the weekend where Natalie and Naomi kept approaching us because they wanted to chat and there was actual visual proof we were together after all the rumours -, now they're saying how you should go out with Elaine!", you admitted, "they're all saying you really should have someone and that she should be the one to go, that she has all the qualities you should look for and I-", you took a big breath in, "I'm literally over there, every single day of the races - in the garage, sometimes in the pitwall!", you stated, "I barely do any races from the Center anymore, so it's not like people forgot that I exist!".
"Love, I'd never do that to you - you're the only person I care about like that", Oscar replied instantly.
"I know you don't, but it hurts to see", you admitted, "comments people make about my boyfriend and how he really should start dating someone when our relationship is public - I'm there, I see them, they see me!", you let a tear fall down your cheek, "there's only so much I can do to make it obvious, Osc!".
Oscar sat down next to you on the bed, throwing the towell on the floor for the moment so he could pull you to face him.
"Y/N, I didn't know it was bothering you so much, I don't even notice all of that", your boyfriend craddled your face in his hands, thumbs wiping the tears that continued to fall and looking into your eyes.
"I never told you and I know you don't read all of the comments", you reasoned, "I just thought it would stop at some point! Everyone keeps saying that you should have someone and I want them to think I'm that someone - because I am!", you said bitterly.
"Is there something you'd like me to do? That would make you feel better about it?", Oscar combed your bangs away and behind your ears.
"What can we do anyway? Have you walk around with a t-shirt that says "I have a girlfriend - Y/N, the engineer"?", you scoffed.
"I will do that if you think it will help - throw in a headband with "Y/N's boyfriend" too if it helps!", he tried to pry a smile out of you.
"Don't be silly", you playfully shoved his chest before holding his hands in yours, "I honestly have no idea what to do, but I know I want it to stop without putting our jobs on the line", you pouted.
"Maybe an Instagram post from us then? Something chilled but serious enough so anyone can get the hint - and I wouldn't mind arriving into the paddock with you in the morning", your boyfriend suggested.
"Oscar, I have to be there way earlier than you need to", you argued.
"Then I'll be there earlier, I'll have breakfast there with you and we'll spend more time together in front of everyone - as much as you feel comfortable with", Oscar offered you an assuring smile, "I don't want anyone else the way I want you, I don't love anyone the way I love you, Y/N".
Smiling at the honesty and safety he was transmitting you, you kissed his lips, starting with small pecks before one last long kiss, letting your foreheads touch as you pulled away, "thank you, Osc, I love you".
The next morning, reporters were surprised when they saw the McLaren driver show up in the paddock so early, his hand laced in yours as they asked a couple of questions.
"My girlfriend had to come in earlier, so I thought I'd join her and see a little bit of the preparations", Oscar replied before you continued to walk to the McLaren hospitality.
"Is it bring your boyfriend to work day?", Anna asked after her usual morning greeting.
"He's always with me at work though", you squinted before giggling, "but I really need people to know he's mine and that I'm here!", you half joked.
#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri fic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 fluff
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PIRATE SAFELY!! But pirate ;)
Hello! I’ve gotten a flood of new followers thanks to an addition I made about NOT torrenting from the Pirate Bay, so I want to address it better.
If you’ve come to check my blog for more piracy resources, advice, guides, etc, then check out some of the links in this pinned!
First and Foremost, Do not do Anything without an adblocker. Ublock Origin is the best.
Resources/Wikis: 🌟Top recommendation is the Free Media Heck Yeah Wiki, frequently updated, maintained, and transparent, as well as has a welcoming community behind it if you have questions. The rest are for redundancy's sake and for anything not found in FMHY, though most Wikis on this topic tend to repeat the same info. 🌟
VPN Comparison Chart - General Rule of Thumb, DO NOT use any VPN recommended by Youtubers, influencers, or any other shill with a profit motive. Large marketing budget does not equal good privacy practices. Do your own research.
-Since both Mullvad VPN and IVPN are planned to now suspend port forwarding support, the next best choices for torrenting though a VPN seem to be AirVPN and ProtonVPN.
HOWEVER, AirVPN has no evidence of a no logging policy (aka there’s a chance they keep records of what you do on their service) and ProtonVPN has no method of anonymously signing up and use a subscription model instead of a preferable pay-as-you-go model. So take that as you will.
(NOTE: You do not need to pay for a VPN if you are only directly downloading from a server or streaming off of websites! But it’s probably a good idea for privacy reasons anyways.)
A very good Comprehensive Torrenting Guide! -eye strain warning
And another one!
-If you torrent you need a VPN depending on how strict your government is on copyright laws. This works on a case by case basis, so I recommend looking up your own country's laws on the matter. Generally speaking, use a VPN to torrent if your country falls under The 14 Eyes Surveillance Alliance. More info on what that is Here.
A Note about Antivirus: - If you're using trusted websites, and not clicking on any ad links/fake download ads (Should be blocked by ublock), then you don't necessarily need any antivirus. Common Sense and Windows Defender should be enough to get you by. If you would like to be certain on what you are downloading is legitimate, then run your file through a virus scanner like VirusTotal. Keep in mind that when scanning cracked software some scans may flag “false positives” as the injectors used to crack the software look like malware to these scanners. Once again, the best way to avoid malware is to use trusted sites listed here and use an adblocker at all times.
If you have any questions on anything posted, need help finding things, or just need some clarification on any terms used, shoot me an ask or message! I've got a few years experience with not paying for anything I want, and LOVE to help others with this kind of stuff. But if you don't trust me, since I am a random stranger on the internet, that's fine (I wont be offended promise)! Do your own research!
INFORMATION SHOULD BE FREE!
Last updated: February 16th 2024
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[dni minors, dni blogs that have no 18+ age listed in their bio] astarion x trans man! reader/tav /// smut, dysphoria comfort, reader's chest is un-described and untouched, reader has a vulva, soft dom top astarion, bottom reader
whenever there's a day when you feel off, wrong, you're hyper aware of your body and how it doesn't feel right to you, he'll notice. perhaps not at first, but the way your posture is different, the way you reject and shy away from his touch, don't flush or scowl at his flirting.
it's late when he decides he has to ask you what's wrong, him not being used to having others to care about, to worry for.
"have i done something wrong?" his voice is quiet and yet it startles you from your thoughts.
"no? no, of course no," guilt festers in you. "i'm sorry."
"there's no need to apologise, darling. as i've been told by someone quite dear to me, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched."
"it's not that. i do, i," you breathe. "i want you to touch me quite badly."
"then i don't understand."
his fingers twitch, wanting to reach for you as your eyes flicker to the mirror across the room.
"when you look at me... what do you see? that is, i mean... you could have anyone you wanted, and i know what you'll say to that. and i believe you. that you want me. i just, sometimes it's hard thinking about the men you've been with, hells just men in general, and then... how they compare to... me. because sometimes, sometimes it's hard to see myself as... as..."
you trail off, aware of your shaking breath, aware of the wetness on your eyelashes, aware that you want to bury yourself against him but find yourself scared.
just as you start to wonder if you've ruined something, his hands hover by your face, not touching, waiting. and so you nod, and his he cups his palms against your cheeks, tilting your head to look at him.
"my sweet boy."
those words and his voice make everything the smallest bit better, you hold back a sob and place your head into the crook of his neck. him calling you a boy both soothing and comforting, but also always slightly arouses you.
"you know i love you? exactly as you are, because of who you are."
"i know."
he raises one of your hands to his lips and kisses it.
"would you let me show you?"
he's not used to being so careful with someone else, not that he hasn't been gentle before but it's never been out of his own desire to cherish the person he's with. but perhaps he can understand, in his own way, feeling disconnected to your own body.
"you're such a handsome man, such a pretty boy. and aren't i ever so lucky. when i was a child i would fantasize about some dashing prince, but i could have never imagined i'd find one like you. you're far lovelier than any dream. you're real. and for some unknown reason managed to see something good in me. you're the most incredible person i've ever met, and i'm going to help you see that."
your shirt stays on if you wish it, as much as he loves every inch of your body, and will continue to regardless of if it stays as it is, or if parts of it change. but he wants you to be comfortable.
he kisses you, trailing down from your lips to your neck, never meaning to get carried away there but always does. you find it hard to mind though as he kisses, teeth nipping but not drinking, leaving faint little marks. he likes leaving marks on you, a reminder that you're here, that you're proud to be with him.
his hands slide down your sides, over your stomach, they pull at the laces of your trousers, sliding them off you legs, leaving your bottom half bare, waiting for his attention.
you flush as he maintains eye contact with you as he slides a hand under your ankle, then down your leg as his mouth moves with it, kissing you calf, next to your knee, up your thigh. and if there's more to grab there, he reveals in it, adoring any curves, your softness. he pauses when he reaches the top of your thigh and chuckles, smirks to himself
"such a sensitive boy, i haven't even touched you anywhere intimate yet and look," you gasped as he glides a couple of fingers between your folds and then holds them up. "already wet for me."
he slides his fingers back against you, teasing around you before thrusting in, curling them upwards as he lowers his head.
"we can'tbe neglecting your cock can we darling? it's straining so hard. and just because it looks different than mine, doesn't make it less of a cock, does it?"
he stays blinking up at you until he realise he wants an answer and you shake your head no.
"good boy, that's right," he purrs and you want to feel condescended, but you just whine, flushing hot, wanting to be good for him, wanting to be his good boy, wanting him to call you that again. "and what shall we do with your pretty cock? shall i suck you off?"
you nod your head, eyes pleading with him and he laughs, not to make fun of you, but because your neediness, your eagerness for him endears him.
"very well then," his lips close around your cock, sucking and suctioning while his fingers continue to stroke inside you, your hands slip into his hair and tug accidentally and he moans around you.
"cheeky boy," he pulls back. "do you wish to come like this or..."
"fuck me," you say, and then. "please? please, astarion, i need you."
astarion always flushes when you tell him you need him. he slides up your body, "i suppose i shouldn't tease, you've been deprived of my touch all week, my poor boy thinking he didn't deserve this. don't worry, i'll fuck you like need."
his cock slips between you, holding you close, kissing your neck, hands stroking your waist as he pushes inside of you,
"that's it, such a good boy. always taking me so well," he loses control of his voice as he fucks you, murmuring praises as his hips snap against you, letting you tug him up to kiss you, pressing one of your hands down into the pillow so he can hold it.
he tells you that you're a good as you both come, he tells you that you're a good boy as you twitch, oversensitive, as he cleans you off, and he tells you that you're a good boy as you drift off in his arms.
#after learnings theres lines in the game where astarion says as a young boy he fantasized about a handsome prince well#also this was caused by the gender affirmation cameo i got from neil newbon#because hearing astarion say "well hello boy arent you a strapping young lad' has cured my gender dysphoria /hj#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#y/n#reader insert#male reader#trans man reader#ftm reader#imagine#imagines#the vampire writes
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