#but they look so fuckin dumb and it’s honestly the best thing

[frnkiebby]

what is even happening here~🎃

[katszumi]

Studying with bakugo is almost NEVER studying with bakugo. The mf can yell at you to pay attention all he wants but a few seconds of it and you’re already back to yapping about the latest drama. Drawing little doodles on your paper (and a few on his) while you tell him about how kuroiro finally confessed to Komori from class 1b, and although he doesn’t like to admit it he’s paying more attention to your yapping then his studying. (Your the only person who can do that)

i hope i did your ask justice😔 this is the first one i’ve done, but thank you sm for requesting. and gosh, i love silly highschool romance sm REQUEST MORE PLS

sorta linked to this but can def be read as a standalone

“did you hear about kuroiro’s confession today?” you asked. you were laid on bakugou’s room floor, your notebook wide open with a few math equations along with a dozen of doodles.

you just asked him another silly question, one of the countless ones that you’ve already made in a hour.

bakugou already knew that you were a sociable person from the way you find a new person to talk to everyday, but he didn’t expect you to be this talkative.

truth be told, you’ve talked more than you have actually studied. which was the main reason why you had come to his room at nearly eight o’clock at night, close to his bedtime.

he only accepted the late study session was because the other reason for you to come was so he could speak with you privately. this was the best way he could do it secretly without being found out.

bakugou looked up from his textbook, directly at you. “no. not that i even care about that stuff anyway.”

your chin rested in the palm of your hand, silently drumming your fingers against your cheek.

“it’s hilarious though, cmon!” you pleaded with a small smile on your face.

“we’re supposed to be studying, y/n. did you forget that you didn’t exactly ace that test?” he rhetorically asked.

you pursed your lips together in a thin line, looking away from bakugou and back onto your textbook. you were dumb enough to even think you could gossip with bakugou.

he offered to help you study, not to bond more as friends clearly.

you picked up your pencil and began to write the equation that was written in the hardbook next to you.

hearing that there was no response from you, bakugou internally began to slightly panic. it was never like you to just shut up so easily. he couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that he came off too rude.

it’s not that he didn’t want to hear you speak, he just didn’t want to make his crush on you so obvious. he was trying so hard to be his normal self which was much harder towards you than he thought.

bakugou placed his textbook down, leaning back into the palm of his hands behind him. “what did that extra do?”

almost immediately, you released the pencil that was in your hand and made eye contact with the ruby eyed male in front of you. a smile tugged on your lips, one that bakugou couldn’t help but think was so fuckin’ cute.

“he made her a bouquet of mushrooms, because you know, her whole mushroom quirk thing. he tried to give it to her discreetly but someone walked past and made it a whole big deal.” you described. “honestly, i feel bad cause i think they’re both kinda shy. they probably didn’t want that attention.”

bakugou unknowingly listened to every word of yours, feeling himself being drawn into you. what was it about your voice that made it so compelling for him?

if it were anyone else like stupid shitty hair or raccoon eyes, he’d shut it down immediately, not caring about a single word they had to say about it.

but, he found it a little more difficult than usual to refuse when it came to you.

he snickered. “public confession? what a romcom move of him.��

you looked back down, noticing bakugou’s blank paper. out of boredom, you grasped onto his notebook. you started to doodle on the small square in the upper left corner; a couple of hearts, stars, dots to make it less bland.

“i think it was sweet. it’s hard to confess already, but to do it in front of an audience? takes guts honestly.”

bakugou watched you draw on his paper. he felt a little jump in his heart, some part of him liking the fact that you took initiative to add your own touch to something of his.

something so stupid. so small. but he couldn’t help but feel a tad giddy.

bakugou sat upright, gulping nothing but his own saliva. “is that something you would like?”

at first, bakugou curses at himself. why would he ask something like that? something that could definitely give away his small crush on you. but he remained his same stone-cold look.

you looked up at bakugou, noticing his eyes softening slightly before returning to their original position.

you thought about it long before responding. “nah. don’t think that’s something i’d really prefer. i’d like a simple confession with just the two of us.” you described.

it seemed a little weird to you that you were casually speaking of your own relationship preference with bakugou, but you tried your hardest not to think too much about it.

you assumed he was only trying to make small talk.

“good.” again, with bakugou’s one worded response. even though he didn’t add more to his sentence, his eyes lingered with yours. as if he was deciding something or carefully analyzing you. but it was a different look. not a competitive, angry look. but rather a tender look. one you have never seen bakugou wear, ever.

suddenly, he looked away, back onto his textbook. you seemingly didn’t mind considering the small tingle you were receiving in your face.

bakugou looked over his shoulder, begging to anyone even the gods above to remove the deep-set blush that was occurring on his face.

the male cleared his throat. “alright, let’s fuckin’ study. gossipin’ and yappin’ won’t help you get a better damn test score.” he chose the defensive route to move on.

you silently agreed with a nod. but, your mind goes back to the thought that you successfully just gossiped with the katsuki bakugou. the one that’s listed to only care about being the number one hero.

you bit the inside of your cheek to hide a smile as you tapped your pencil against your notebook.

just now, a kaleidoscope of butterflies slipped through the cracks of your stone wall, entering your stomach, and began to harvest a life within that had bakugou’s name branded on it.

[martiansodas-blog]

🎾 🤍💐✨🎀

standford!art who’s your best friend finds out no guy has ever hit your gspot before :(

“are you being serious?”

but it's so fuckin easy! he thinks

your cheeks get warm. you focus on the various hangnails you have instead of making eye contact.

“um...yeah.” you say quietly.

he immediately regrets having such a big reaction and scolds himself.

those rotten frat guys, they only care about one thing.

“hey, hey,” he touches your cheek and crouches a little so he's no longer towering over you. “i didn’t mean to embarrass you, sweetheart. it’s not your fault. they’re just inattentive."

“thanks.” you mutter with no expression in your voice.

he was too curious not to ask,

“have you ever found it by yourself?”

a laugh involuntary escaped.

“i’ve never tried.”

art fake pouts.

“you poor girl,” he coos, putting it on thick.

you scoff, but the heat in your cheeks only gets worse and you cant help but smile. he’s way too good at breaking your walls down, and he knew it

“i can show you, if you like.”

your body becomes unmoving.

"what?"

the most logical explanation you can think of is that he spoke a different language and it was lost in translation. because surely he wasn't offering what you think he was offering.

“what kind of friend would i be if i didn’t?”

he had that stupid smirk on his face.

“wait, you’re serious?? wha-”

he steps closer to you, close enough you can feel his body heat.

“we’ve always been closer than most friends, no?”

you shake your head.

“i mean, yeah, but that’s-“

his body goes stiff, eyebrows furrowed like that's the worst news you could've given him.

now he's the one shaking his head. his mostly blue eyes become fixed on the ground. he looked like a kicked puppy.

“that was a stupid idea. you're right. m'sorry. i don’t know why i brought it up."

he begins to walk off.

are you actually going to reject this offer from your insanely handsome best friend? half the girls at stanford would kill for this opportunity. and here it is, falling into your lap.

“wait!”

he wipes the smile off his face before turning around.

“yeah, uh… i’d like that.”

he breaks into a smile.

"really? i truly didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

there's still a frown gracing his features.

"you didn't! you didn't. i was just caught off guard. that's all."

"...okay" he smirks slightly.

"okay."

another awkward silence presents itself. what should you-

"come over to my dorm at 8 tonight. that is of course unless you want to do it at yours and risk your roommate catching a free peep show."

his sudden confidence caught you off guard. he's giving you whiplash at this point.

"uh, no. no. yours is great."

who the hell can afford a private dorm as a sophomore?

oh right. tennis champions...

before he goes, he kisses you on the cheek. the first of many that would occur that day. his lips are the perfect proportion for his face and they feel like being touched by a pink cloud.

3 hours later

''FUCK, art, please"

"aww, i know baby. no one can treat you like i can."

its relentless. the entire time. the top half of him babys you while the bottom half tries to leave an imprint.

you didn't know your back could arch this much.

"are you gonna cry from how good it is? poor girl."

and you do. saltwater flows down your cheek and he wipes it off and cradles your head, showing you some mercy.

"you can do it, babygirl. you can give me one more, cant you?"

you nod fervently. it wasn't even about orgasming (of which you've done twice) anymore it was about making him happy.

"yes," you pant "ill come for you, artie, shit hnnn."

once you started babbling you couldn't stop. he thought it was adorable, honestly. he's never made a girl dumb on his cock this quickly. you really needed it.

you're gonna be so fun to play with. he thought.

he pecked your cheek while coaxing you through it.

"atta girl, make my cock all creamy for me. you can do it."

you feel every muscle, no. every atom in your body relaxes. and where your bodies met was so warm and slick and art might slip if he's not careful.

"there you go" he whispered into your neck. "so beautiful. such a good girl, im so proud of you. knew you could do it."

you think he is peppering kisses across your face and chest but you cant will your eyes to open yet and every inch of your skin is tingling.

your semiconsciousness works to his advantage because he loves resting inside you. he could fall asleep just like this but you probably wouldn't like that.

he strokes your hair and stares at you while you recover. he wants to let you fall asleep right away but knows that's not wise.

"c'mon, angel," he says softly as he scoops you up. "lets get you cleaned up."

[genericpuff]

I know LO has been over for a while but something that's always confused me is the 10 year punishment thing. (I dropped the comic before the judgment so correct me if im wrong)

apparently Persephone was sentenced to 10 years in the mortal realm. Yet she complains that Zeus keeps extending her punishment but the timeskip only ends up being 10 years? (From 20 yrs old to 30). that makes it sound like she had a shorter sentence that was extended to 10 yrs (what a fuckin slap on the wrist if it was).

Either her punishment was 10 yrs and Perse was just banking on early parole release or she always had a short sentence which ended up being a measly 10 yrs anyway.

But then that would mean Demeter's punishment period was either tied directly to Persephone's or (for some reason) she had a full 10 yr sentence while Persephone got an initial shorter period

If it's not either of those then shouldn't her punishment be longer? 11, 12, 15, 20 yrs instead? Would make more sense that she was mad if she had to serve at least twice as long as she was told to

Ah so actually she wasn't sentenced to 10 years, she was basically sentenced to a perpetual punishment until Zeus felt certain conditions were met, such as her filling all of the responsibilities of Demeter and turning Minthe back to normal.

So the reason it wound up being 10 years was because Zeus kept finding reasons to extend the sentencing, clearly in an attempt to keep her away from Apollo as he was already suspecting that he might use Persephone's fertility goddess powers to overthrow him.

(joke's on Zeus though, he was overthrown with a poison cupcake lmaooo)

That said, Persephone was... really dumb when she failed her 10th inspection. Primarily because she broke one of the rules Zeus put in place for her before he did the inspection-

Like it's really funny in hindsight to read this scene because at the time the narrative was definitely trying to make us believe that Zeus was the bad guy here, and to a point he's definitely fucking around and not actually planning on letting her out of confinement while also doing jack shit to get to the bottom of his own suspicions regarding his son... but also girl, if your plan was to prove to Zeus that you had filled your end of the bargain, then why try and give him the letter prior to your once-a-year inspection? Either you're failed again over some arbitrary made-up bullshit reason so you can use the guilt-trip method after he's already screwed you over, or best case, you pass and you can deliver the letter to Hades yourself! It was a really dumb move on her part to immediately jump to asking him to bend the rules he made for her when she should know Zeus isn't gonna feel obligated to 'owe' her anything, and is completely contrary to her being as "smart and cunning" as the narrative tries to make us believe (remember when she hustled Hades at chess and lied to him about having a driver's license? where's that Persephone?)

And yeah Zeus really isn't wrong when it comes to how Persephone herself is such a "uwu look at me I'm a smol widdle baby girl, please break the terms of my punishment for me because I asked with tented eyebrows bats eyelashes" , this is honestly why so many people like Zeus as a character in LO contrary to how much the narrative tries to make us hate him, because while he's absolutely an asshole who deserves to be knocked down a peg, at least the narrative doesn't try to gaslight us into thinking he's a good person like it does with H x P. Zeus is a shithead but unapologetically authentic; Persephone and Hades both pretend like they're saints on earth (and the narrative tries to sell them to us as such) meanwhile they're constantly picking on lower class people and using their power and influence to get their way even when they haven't earned it.

But also yeah, it's funny how the fans will say "age doesn't matter when you're a god, time doesn't mean anything when you're immortal" to dismiss the massive age gap between Hades and Persephone, but then cry foul over Zeus keeping her in confinement for 10 years which is a pretty bare ass minimum sentence when you really think about it. Like, if the passage of time really is that inconsequential to a god, then how is 10 years even a punishment? It's only suddenly seen as a massively unfair punishment when it's Persephone who's suffering it.

[jd07201990]

Honestly dude? I kinda brought this on myself. Definitely coulda gone a little softer on my bro... I mean boyfriend, but like, come the fuck on! He came home every fuckin' day from practice, kicking off his rank shoes, and stomped all over the house leaving nasty sweaty footprints on the hardwood bro! Then he fuckin' thinks it’s cute to sneak up and hug me with his soaked tank top, as if his funk wouldn't ruin my clothes! What the fuck!

Ok, ok, looking back after everything that happened, maybe I shouldn't have called him a Nasty Sweatrag, and told him to soak himself in bleach next time... Especially not in front of the creepy Goth kid, who happens to be his little brother!

One moment, I was just shouting at him, really laying it on him, sick of the sweat and the time he spent with his bros. I guess I was a bit jealous, but damn dude! I'm his bro! I mean, his girlfriend... or at least I was, until I made him cry and his brother glared from the corner of the room, seething.

In that split second before my stomach heaved, I knew I'd fucked up bad. Like, really bad bro! The world fuckin spun, I hacked and spluttered, then everything went black. I woke up later that day in a bedroom that was distinctly mine, but totally different. When I sat up and noticed my B-Cups were flat, solid, and square, my nipples small and pointing downward with the new bulk, I knew I was fucking JACKED brah! I, I mean I was fucked... this is a bad thing damn it! I'm not some lumbering meathead! fuck!

Anyway, I tossed my sheets, and noticed the rest of me. I was definitely taller, with big, clammy feet like my best bro... I mean boyfriend's, dangling off the end of my bed. My legs were thick, solid and capable of carrying the added bulk I'd suddenly packed on. The entire room reeked of humid funk. There were dirty clothes all over the floor by the hamper, battered, worn old sneakers and cleats by door in a heap, and my Vanity had become a fuckin' beast of a gaming rig dude! Fuck yeah! Wait... no, I don't game damn it! I'm not a fuckin' dude!

the rest of the room had changed similarly. Everything that could have pointed to a female living here, was now distinctly male. And that of a Big, Dumb, Sweatrag of a dude, as I'd called my bro earlier. However... it didn't bother me. I could barely smell it over the pungent fog that came from my muscled-up body. I was swole! And kinda gross dude, not gonna lie... But like, I can't fuckin help it! It’s like there's a fuckin' furnace inside me, burning up everything it’s got to keep me pumped and riled, on edge so bad I can't stop myself from fidgeting. my hands just, do their thing dude! One minute I'm lookin' in the mirror, the next I'm groping my fuckin Rod... I, woah... ok, it might be getting worse! I meant my fuckin' cock! I, I mean dick! Fucking damn it!

You know what, whatever. like I said, one minute I'm standing there, the next I've got my dick in my hand, or groping my fuckin nuts like those behemoths at the gym! Or it'll slide up my shirt, lifting it up while I don't even realize it. There’re all kinds of fuckin' weird dude things happening, and I can't stop any of it! My bod fuckin does as it wants if I'm not actively fighting it! The worst, and I mean it, the absolute fuckin worst, is when I've just scratched my junk good, and suddenly, like fuckin instinct, I'm sniffin' my fuckin fingers like a damn animal! What the fuck dude! All the fuckin' bros say its natural, that its some caveman shit... I might believe them, because it happens with my pits too! Just, standing there hittin' up one of the pretty chicks... I... I mean uh... my old friends... and then wham! sweaty pit fingers all up in my grill!

My Bro's little brother, the creepy Goth kid caught up with me when I'd all but sprinted the few blocks to his and my bro.. I mean my fuckin' boyfriend's house. I was just coming to terms with the fact that I'd hauled ass down the street, half naked, when He opened the door, and busted out laughing. Even when I had him dangling off the floor by his hoodie, threatening to squash his scrawny little pipsqueak ass, he cackled, before his eyes flared, and in an instant, his hand was out, my nipple in his fingers, as a cold pain flashed over my chest, and I looked down to see my nip was pierced, a silver barbell forcing it to stick out, perked up and stiff.

My jaw fell, and I dropped his ass, trying to form words as this wild, aggression filled me. The fuckin' goth punk crossed his arms and smirked, just as the piercings, or rather, the hex he'd put on them, erupted to life. I felt as if my brain was being squeezed from the inside, as if this fuckin' loser had his hands on it, wringing it out like a wet towel. I clutched my head, stumbling until I hit the couch, and sat, my legs splaying wide to give my fuckin' junk some room, like any dude does, when I felt the pressure lesson, and a strange, warmth began to flow from the back of my head, down my spine, and settled into my fuckin balls dude! It was like having all your smarts and who you are, drained down and stored where it belongs bro! Brains in your fuckin balls!

Fuck... no wait! He said if I couldn't fight it, if I didn't learn what it was like being an athletic dude, I'd lose everything I was, and end up just another sweaty meathead, lumbering around the gym, lifting big, gettin fucking swole, and plowing my way through chicks until graduation! I had to fight it; I couldn't give up. And my bro wasn't fuckin' helping!

He was always a fuckin' Golden Retriever, happy and dopey and dumb, I shoulda realized he was a good dude and I was lucky, before I'd been Bro'd up and brain squeezed out! Now, my fuckin' bro loves taking me to the gym, putting this body through its paces, even throwing fuckin shade when he got a whiff of my fuckin' pits! He laughs, but dude? I'm fuckin ripe, always am since his little brother turned up the juice and made sure I fit right in with the bros. My bro... boyfriend... finds it hilarious when he catches me flexing in the mirror while pumpin' out reps, or when I have to peel off my tank cus it got too damn soaked! Just look at my fuckin boxer briefs bro! See that sweat? Thats a fuckin' Man's sweat! I'm a fuckin beast bro!

All I had to do was last 1 week. Live like a fuckin dude for 7 days, learn my lesson, and I'd have my old life back. That shouldn't have been hard... well, I shouldn't have been hard, when my best friend Laura forgot what was in my fuckin pants one night while I stayed over, and fuck if I didn't end up railin' her for a good hour, before I realized too late that I'd be stuck as a sweaty dude if I shot my 5-day pent up load! She gave me no option. Teasing me about being a big dumb meathead, all brawn, no brains, thinking with my fuckin' dick, and the last straw, the moment that ensured I'd be a dude forever, was when she bit and nibbled her way down my neck, her nails leaving red scratches along my fuckin back, until she bit my nipple, playing with the barbell with her tongue, and I fuckin lost it. Just fuckin plowed in, balls deep, and shot my load. That was it, everything that had made me a girl, had unloaded with high velocity into my best friend's belly. I nearly blacked out, my big feet scrabbling in the sheets trying to get deeper as my balls drained desperately. When it was over, I fell to the side in bed, gasping as she panted and giggled, tracing her nails through the sweat dribbling down my pecs. It’s been a month since I'd lost both my temper, and my female body... but fuckin look at me brah?! The bros and I are fuckin swole! My bro says I'm far better off this way, and Laura does her part, keeping the damn Male Aggression and insatiable need in my balls, satisfied. There's a reason dudes are the way they are. Sometimes, they just can't help it.

[credince--writes]

Hands (1)

God, you dream of those hands.

Original Prompt:

Size Kink & Breeding Kink with Konig.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - AO3

Konig x Fem! Reader

(A/N): I accidentally fuckin deleted the original post while trying to add links to the other 2 chapters, so reposting LMAO. I'M SO SAD BC IT WAS ONE OF MY BEST PREFORMING POSTS.

Honestly? It started in a very innocent way.

"I'm taking off your gloves."

He sat in front of you, tapping his foot on the cold tile. Currently under the attention of you from the intended use of his hands in combat.

Which is why you were inspecting for broken knuckles.

Most of his gear had been taken off, set aside along with the hood that donned his head on missions. Now, you were pulling the gloved that clung to the asking of his hands off. Inspecting the pale skin beneath them.

"You know, I'm starting to think you do dumb shit like this on purpose." You glance up at him.

"I'd never." He replied.

"Because I'm lookin' at these hands, and I'm seeing a whole lot of unnecessary bruising."

"It was necessary."

You quirked a brow.

"You just, happen to lose your gun there soldier?" You pulled back, leaning back against your seat and shooting him an amused glance.

"Sometimes, things are better done by hand."

"mmhm." You mumbled.

Eyes trailed up his hands, finding stray scars and following the veins leading up to his forearms.

Man,

those were some big hands.

"Is everything alright, doctor?" He asks, amusement twirling around in his eyes, sparking out in his voice.

Maybe he was catching on to your oogling.

"Just making sure nothing broken. Can't imagine it would be fun to work with broken fingers."

"Nein."

"This hurt?" You ask.

"Nein."

"Then you're fine. I'll give you some meds and send you off on your way."

"Danke!" He shot up, clamping a hand down on your shoulder, man near enveloping your entire left side.

You started to imagine what it would be like if that big hand wrapped around your neck.

"Be careful, please."

"Of course." He shot a sideways, toothy grin. The side that his nose crooked over to and the side with the one crooked canine that made him look like a dog ready to chase a bone.

He turned, starting to walk away.

"You know, König." You stated. He stopped a turned around. "If you want to visit me, you don't need to have an injury."

His eyebrows raised, and you could swear there was a blush that tinted his cheeks. "I'll consider that for next time."

Before turning and leaving.

And he did visit you.

One visit turned into two.

Then four.

Then he just popped in so often while he was not on a mission he became part of your routine.

Have a cup of coffee with König in the morning, maybe even join him for dinner and enjoy it in the sanctity of your quiet and private office.

Just so happened that the longer you spent with him the more your thoughts were clouded.

His hands,

his thighs,

fuck, you can't even imagine how big his cock would be.

You'd like to think you were better than this.

Pressed up in your shower thinking about the huge man, wondering what his bare chest would feel like curling up over your back.

You closed your eyes, trying to picture just how good it would feel.

It would be right after he comes back from a mission, the dark look in his eyes still clouding his consciousness as he's still in the mindset of a soldier, a killer.

His steps would be heavier- you'd hear him walk into the bathroom, the rustling of clothing as he strips the cloth covering his flesh discarded down to the ground without a second thought.

He'd slip into the shower, with your head placed under the stream of hot water. Almost comically so, his head would be unable to reach the stream of water without immensely bending at the knees.

You'd hum, leaning back into him as he'd reach his arm around your waist, pulling your wet body closer to his. Head dropping down for his mouth to latch onto the nape of your neck, biting and sucking on the sensitive skin.

Gasping throwing your head back farther and allowing it to bump against his shoulder, letting out a light whine that he'd love to harvest from your throat.

One hand would drift down, widening his palm as it flattened and slid down your tummy, nearly covering the expanse of your abdomen before it dipped down, lower.

His other hand would grab your chin, pulling your head back to meet into a feverish kiss. Pressing your back up against the cold wall of the shower, holding it up against it.

On a normal occasion, you'd be terrified to slip, but you just know with his arm slinked around over you waist toying dangerously close to your cunt that there was no chance of slipping.

No chance of him letting you go.

A digit would brush up through your folds collecting the slippery production of your arousal, dragging his finger ever so carefully up until it traced around your clit. Circling it, dangerously so.

Applying pressure as the rough pad of his finger pushed against your clit, mouth devouring any noises you let out.

It hurt, in a way.

One that was so delicious you only wanted more.

His large finger pressing down on your clit felt heavenly, the feeling of his tongue pushing against yours as you swapped spit in the most degenerating fashion.

Your hips unconsciously pushed forward against his hand, bucking as he pressed you firmly against the wall.

He'd tsk, giving you a light scolding before removing his mouth from yours completely, allowing a thin strand of spit to cast its way from him lips to yours.

God.

You could just die.

He'd snicker, that snicker that made his lip quirk upward revealing his crooked tooth. All before he'd lean in and ask,

"What do you want me to do, Schatz?"

"Fuckkkk." You'd whine, letting your head bump against the shower wall. "Please." You'd whisper out.

"Hm?" He'd ask, still toying his finger around your clit.

"Finger me- fuck, please. Please finger me."

His finger would leave your clit, diving back down and just barely poking into your entrance.

The digit was long and thick- it felt like nearly two of your own being stuffed inside you. Even more so as the single digit could curl up in such a delectable manner pressing up against the spongey roof of your core.

You'd breathe harshly, ducking your head up against his neck and arm gripping at the expanse of his back and nails digging into the pale and freckled flesh.

He'd add a second digit, and you felt like you were on cloud nine.

No,

You felt like you were on cloud nine as he removed his free hand from you, bringing it down and rubbing on your clit as his other hand pumped mechanically in and out of you, curling his fingers forward and circling the pad of his finger against your clit.

It would feel like your legs would give out first, but he'd keep you upright as you came, his mouth would latch onto yours. Shoving his tongue into your mouth claiming you in the best way possible.

Body draped over yours, his large hands pleasing you to the point of competition-

Blinking, you realized there was no man draped behind you.

The water in the shower had run cold a long time ago, but the pleasant buzz in your head from your shameful masturbation numbed any embarrassment for a few moments.

You sighed, turning off the water and glancing down at your fingers.

For now? Thinking of his large hands would have to do.

[walnutcookie]

I'm sorry but for your Gen2 au (which is very silly might I add, pls make more for me to feast upon /silly) all I can imagine is the OG's pulling up and everyone being in utter shock as the toon people from 20 yrs ago most likely assumed to be fucking dead just showing up randomly. I feel as though this would be terrifying for the employees and saddening to the old toons who just randomly found out they were not only abandoned but fuckin replaced bro </3 Erm anyways, sorry for my dumb little ramble in ur inbox </3 -🎩⭐

GAVAJSVJSA THIS IS TRUE. Honestly though for one i dont think that the employees would notice immediately...

kind of a scuffed explanation, i may scrap it because its a bit of a stretch (to me at least) but heres the thing: the new toons arent made of real ichor, BUT for now im going to say that gardenview still wanted to continue pulling ichor from underground and also from their old facility in hopes that they can slowly build up their supply and recreate their success one day. the gen2 toons are made of false ichor which is highly inefficient (more on that in another post) so they dont use it for the toons i think theyre just stockpiling it

HOWEVER since the old facility is flooded with the stuff and thats where they were getting ichor to begin with they made a reaaaally long tunnel (since they had to distance themselves from the original location) from the old gardenview to the new one... Intended just for pipes and some poor unlucky employee whos hired to do routine matenince on said pipes. a few golf carts on both ends to speed things up and extras in case any of them broke down so that employees wouldnt get trapped in there and have to walk. Almost everything was done underground around the facility itself since they wanted to minimize all risk of more people getting killed by the gen1 toons who were still all twisted,, the few enterances they had to make into the building were done very carefully, disguised with the surroundings, and locked so that no twisted would get through.

When they did finally get un-twisted (AGH again i will elaborate in another post because i have ideas on this now) the gen1 toons had their minds cleared and thus they realized that some parts of the facility looked a little fishy and wound up finding the enterances to the new gardenview. Split everyone up on a few golf carts, one person holding the wheel and one on the pedal because theyre short with everyone else clinging on for dear life and theyre OUTTA THERE!!!

If they were to be spotted by the company at any point, theyd be killed. If they even knew the gen1 toons were ALIVE itd be dangerous. the gen1 toons dont know this as theyre escaping ofc but i needed to find a way where they wouldnt get immediately screwed because a crowd of 20 brightly colored cartoon characters walking through new york isnt exactly discreet LOL

ANYWAYS all thats to say once they finally get to the new facility, yes, the gen2 toons are shocked, but they didnt even know they werent the first ones (except maybe watson because hes a nosy little bugger but even then its probably just something he heard briefly mentioned and it never got elaborated upon). They all still realized "Oh Shit if we dont do anything gardenviews gonna fucking kill them" so they did their best to help the gen1ers hide from the employees GVDLFNGLG

There was once or twice where an employee caught one of the gen1 toons but also the company spent WAY too much time and money keeping that whole incident under wraps and trying to wipe the entire old facility's existence off the face of the planet sooo a lot of the employees dont even recognize the toons. Weren't born in that generation or just never heard of them. they just see this funny looking fish bowl and think "huh when did they make another one"

that almost hurts even more though </3 not only were they replaced but they werent missed. Nobody is remembering them fondly, wondering where they are, worrying for them, wishing they were back... theyve just been replaced with all these seemingly perfect toons and they almost died 20 times each just to see that theres new people living their lives and living them Better

TYSM ANON!!!! <333 Never worry about rambling in my askbox i enjoy it X] (especially when its about my own au. yknow GBXKFBFK)

[benchwarming]

i meant to reflect a bit before the end of 2024 about the experience of quitting my job last summer, but then my holidays were disrupted by norovirus AND conjunctivitis 🤪 so i didn't get around to it. until now!

i quit my job in august. i'd been at a startup for 6.5 years and had no plans to leave, buuuut then we were acquired in '23 by a big multinational firm. i won't get into all the ways that our new parent company eroded what had been to that point a pretty good place for me to work, but man, it fuckin sucked.

i was admittedly sensitive to it because "toxic legacy corporation led by sociopaths and staffed by mediocre assholes" was exactly the environment i was escaping when i'd joined the startup. but having to kowtow to a new c-suite of boomer-brained idiots with no sense, strategy, or discipline at a company i never wanted to work for in the first place was excruciating. especially bc i then had to turn around and try to make the best of their idiocy for a team of people* looking to me for reassurance and motivation.

i've never quit a job without having my next one lined up. it took like a month to admit to myself i was serious about the idea. then another month to be convinced by friends and fam that i was allowed to quit. then a few business days to calculate how long my finances would hold up. then another month to figure out what would have to happen for me to actually go through with it.

but of course something did happen, and i did quit. it was very scary!!! and i felt so guilty leaving my team. but i was able to kick off some freelance copywriting work right away, and a freelance consulting project came my way after that, and more things popped up after that. and while i have a lot to learn yet about how to make freelancing a sustainable long-term career, i'm extremely confident that it's worth it to try, at least for a while, bc uhhhh i am. SO much happier?!

i don't think it hit me exactly how much work i was doing, or how hard i was pushing myself to stay on top of it all, until i didn't have to do it anymore. i'm still getting used to that honestly. for the first few weeks i'd jolt awake worrying i'd forgotten something on my to-do list or automatically pull up zoom bc i felt sure i had a meeting to attend.

in comparison to that garbage, freelancing has been easy breezy. but i don't mean easy like mindless, i just mean like - i'm able to dictate the terms and scope of the work, and as a result it doesn't feel like "stuff i have to do" so much as "stuff i'm working on." that may be a distinction without a difference for a lot of people but it's turned out to be a pretty big deal for me: if i gotta work to live (and right now i do), then getting to call the shots and fully own the results makes it easier to conceptualize the work as an opportunity (fun! interesting! good use of time!) rather than an obligation (annoying! inflexible! standing between me and fun stuff!). and after years of managing a team it's such a relief to be responsible only for myself again.

of course the other thing i had at that job was a good salary. and i won't lie, i really miss the money. but i think i can get my income back up in that ballpark by the end of 2025 if i play my cards right. and even if i don't, i know now that enduring corporate agonies for that kind of money is no longer a worthwhile tradeoff for me.

since quitting there have been moments where i've felt dumb for not realizing sooner that freelance would be a better fit at this point in my professional life than a staff job. but i went into 2024 knowing i needed to take some kind of step forward in my career, and i did, and i learned stuff about myself in the process, and now i hate being alive at least 25% less per day than i used to. and that's sort of the whole point of everything, right?**

*by december, 80% of our department would be laid off, and the few left over would be desperate to leave. a really unfortunate end to an incredible marketing organization.

**of course now my therapist is like "so since 2023 was your Living Situation year, and 2024 was your Career year, does that mean 2025 is going to be your Relationship year?" and ughghghfhfhgf. like she's right, but. ugh. but she's right! but UGHHH

[amazingmsme]

That Was Funny. Laugh

AN: I haven’t forgotten about the rest of tickletober, don’t you worry! Here’s day 24 with Max & the nerds! I feel like he would probably try too hard to fit in with them, & it doesn’t exactly always work. But that’s ok, he’ll make it work! Think we all could use a bit of fluff right now…

Things were starting to look up. They were hesitant to say that the prank worked, but at least Max had stopped bullying them, and that was their main goal, so Pete marked it as a success.

The rest of the jocks started to change their tune, following Max's lead, and it had been weeks since he had a swirly or was shoved inside a locker. Pete and Steph were going steady, and the school play was really starting to come together. The Jagerman himself even invited them to the big game to watch him "stomp Clivesdale into the fucking mud." And what do you know, he did!

So things were honestly pretty great. There was just one little problem...

"Sup nerds!"

They all groaned in unison as he announced his presence from behind. He caught up rather quickly, slinging his arms around Peter and Richie's shoulders, the latter flinching at the contact.

"Oh, h-hey Max," he stuttered, trying to play it cool. Max didn't seem to notice, or he just didn't care. "What's up?"

"Oh nothin' much, practice got canceled 'cause of the rain so I gotta fuckin' walk home. Can you believe it?" he complained. Steph couldn't hide her smirk as she answered.

"Yeah I can, actually."

"Shut it, Lauter," he snapped, but it lacked the usual venom his words carried. "You never have to walk anywhere."

"Actually," she corrected, "I'm walking right now." Peter, Ruth, and Richie all snapped their heads to look at her, silently begging her not to say another word.

"Oh yeah? Where the hell are you nerds going? The fuckin' library?" he wheezed out a laugh, slapping a hand on his knee in amusement, although his laughter trailed off when he realized no one was laughing with him.

Steph merely arched a brow and crossed her arms. "No smartass, we're going to Pizza Pete's to win that ugly little doll Ruth's been wanting." Pleading stares turned to annoyed glances as she spilt the beans. The very act of telling Max where they were going was practically an invitation in his eyes.

"Really? Didn't know Spankoffski had his own pizza shop," he quipped, a smirk stretching across his face. That one was good, he had to admit.

And they still didn't fuckin' laugh! Are they brain dead or something?

"Ha ha, like I never heard that one before," Peter rolled his eyes, an annoyed smile tugging at his lips. At least Max was trying.

"Well if you need tickets to win the ugly fucker, I'm great at skee ball," he offered.

"Don't call him that! He's so fuzzy and cute, you guys are just mean!" Ruth whined, clutching her chest dramatically.

"Ruth, radioactive Cthulhu is not cute, he's just creepy," Richie deadpanned. Ruth stuck her tongue out as he returned the gesture.

"Come on you two, those tickets aren't gonna win themselves," Peter prompted, and they began walking down the sidewalk, dumb jock in tow. They all resigned to their fate of backhanded compliments and obscure sports references for the next two hours. Still, it was better than the way things used to be.

Not ideal, but surprisingly tolerable.

At least when he wasn't trying so damn hard. He would go out of his way to be what he considered kind, but was really the bare minimum at best. And Peter wasn’t exactly sure why he thought he needed to be funny for them to like him. Honestly, it was getting old.

Peter, Richie and Max stood off to the side as Ruth and Steph fed their tickets into the ticket counter. A waiter passed by carrying a pizza, and Max nudged them to get their attention, pointing at the restaurant’s signature dish.

“You see that?”

Peter and Richie exchanged confused looks and shrugged. “I guess…”

Max sported a proud, shit-eating grin. “I’d tell you a joke about pizza, but it’d probably be too cheesy,” he punctuated the joke with a deep laugh of his own as they just stared at him.

“I’m lactose intolerant, what the fuck are you talking about?” Richie deadpanned, clearly not getting the joke. Max rolled his eyes dramatically.

“It’s called a joke, dumbass! And it was funny, so you better laugh!” He took a step closer when Richie didn’t immediately comply. “Laugh,” he demanded, deciding to ditch the jokes all together and go for a more “hands on” approach.

“Mahahax! Whahat thehehe hehell?” he asked, thrashing from side to side as he managed to escape Max’s evil clutches.

“Ha! I knew you’d be ticklish! What about you Soanioffski?” he questioned, catching him off guard.

“Wha- me? Max, wahahait!” he cried out as Max targeted him as well. He scribbled up and down Richie’s side while his other hand prodded at Peter’s ribs. Richie flailed around uselessly, shrill giggles filling the air. Peter slapped at his hand, but Max wasn’t deterred in the slightest.

“How come you nerds never told me how ticklish you were? Think of all the fun we could’ve had!” he cheered, shoving his hands underneath both of their arms, eliciting two different giggly shrieks.

“Thahahat’s exahactly why wehe nehehever tohohold you!” Peter whined.

“We gotta make up for lost time then, don’t we? Don’t worry, I can hustle.” They started protesting, shaking their heads and tripping over their words as he wiggled his fingers closer and closer.

He was just about to really strike when Steph came to their rescue.

“Hey, I think we have enough tickets,” she called for their attention, a fond smirk firmly in place.

Max pulled them closer, ruffling their hair as he did so. “Don’t worry, we’ll pick that up again later.”

Y’know… call him crazy, but Peter wasn’t exactly dreading it.

[nonotnolan]

Soul Stones: The Easy Life

“Jordan-- I mean, Alfie-- what are you doing here?”  It was weird seeing my roommate’s body on the couch, playing videos games.  It had only been a few days since my roommate somehow swapped bodies with one of the team’s official tutors, and I was still struggling to get his name right.  "Do you think being an athlete is easy?  Just because Football season’s over, it doesn’t mean you get to slack off!  I thought you were going to the gym today?”

He responded by rolling his eyes at me.  “I did, okay?  I drank the stupid shake, and I lifted weights for... I dunno, fifteen minutes.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of a round?”

“No, you’re not excused!”  I grabbed the remote, shut off the TV, and threw the remote back onto the couch.  “What happens when Jordan gets his body back, but he loses his spot on First String Defense because you’re too busy playing fuckin’ Fall Guys, of all games?”

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and started talking to me without making eye contact.  Dunno if he was too nervous to make eye contact with me, or what, but since the real Jordan would have been up close and in my face yelling at me, it really hit home that I was dealing with a different person.  “Look, Tanner... I’m doing my best, okay?  I don’t know what I’m doing!  I don’t know how to gain muscle-- how many reps, how much weight, what routine, which foods?  I’m an Engineering student.  I don’t know the first thing about Health Science, and I can’t even ask for help because no one will take me seriously when I look like this!  Also, in case you had forgotten, I’m not the one who absconded with someone else’s body.”

“I... Alfie, I’m sorry.”  I had to admit, he had a point.  I just assumed he would know enough about fitness to keep Jordan’s body in shape, but... why would he?  Alfie was a super skinny dude.  “Look, what if... I’m done with classes today, right?  What if we both go to the gym?  Everyone will think we’re just two bros talkin’ gym talk, and I can teach you what you need to know.  Sound good?”

A wave of relief washed over him.  “I would really appreciate that,” he said, smiling at me.  “It actually seems kinda fitting.  With as much tutoring as you’ve gotten from me, it feels a bit like a trade.”

-----------------------------------------------

The proofs from my first professional photoshoot were back, and I was loving the results.  In my old life, the only time anyone ever wanted to photograph me, it was for the football team.  Massive shoulders, threatening posture, harsh expressions, deep shadows... everything I hated about masculinity.  But here?  Here I was slender, stylish... and handsome.  Cute, even.

All I ever wanted was to make people happy.  Growing up in the Texas suburbs as I did, that meant playing football.  By the time I figured out the difference between what I wanted and what others wanted for me, I was already 200 pounds of solid muscle.  And once I figured out that I was also a gay man?  Well, I didn’t see the point in getting disowned by all of my friends and family until after I had a steady career to my name.

So when the weirdo at the antique store told me about the body swapping stones, I couldn’t help but daydream about being someone else.  I mean, of course I was skeptical... but they were only $5.  Honestly, I had forgotten they were even sitting on my desk until Alfie asked me about them.  Tanner’s Chemistry mid-term was the next day, so Alfie was in our room, trying to give him a crash course on the five weeks of material he’d skipped.

I just told him they were paperweights, of course-- who’s dumb enough to believe in magic?  But when he picked one up and started tracing the grooved carvings with his thumb, well... maybe I was dumb enough to believe.  I hadn’t told anyone else about them, so if they didn’t work, no one would have any reason to laugh at me.  But if they did work... if there was even a chance... this was my moment.  I took a deep breath, and pressed my index finger onto the polished agate.  By the time Alfie realized he was no longer sitting next to Tanner, I had grabbed the other stone off of my desk and ran out of the room.

I don’t even feel guilty about it, to be honest.  We had followed each other on Instagram back at the start of the year, so I’ve been able to use that to spy on Alfie as he lives my old life.  That is not the face of someone who is unhappy with the way things shook out.  He’s even managed to bag a girlfriend so, like... good for him.  I wish him the best.  It’s the least I can do for stealing his life.

As for me?  Well, I really hadn’t thought too far ahead-- honestly, I’d kept the stones in case I needed a safety net-- but it turns out that Alfie’s parents are crazy loaded and crazy supportive.  When I told them I was thinking about changing majors to something in the Fine Arts, they didn’t even blink.  Hell, they bought me a new apartment downtown, and offered to pay for the transfer to a different college next semester.

I think I might still take some business courses, just in case I need to fall back on something a bit more dependable, but... in the meantime, I’ve been trying to pursue both modeling and photography.  Maybe I’ll hit it big, maybe I won’t... but for once in my life I’m setting aside the grindstone and putting my happiness first.

[eonars]

THE WHINERRRRR I've been at this summer training program half a day and I already hate itttttttt

When I first got in a couple of them (fellow phd students in the doctoral network we're a part of) were asking me about my background and stuff because they'd all just been talking about their background in embryonic research and reproductive biotechnology and what fucking ever and I was like yeah um I did environmental consulting for proposed development projects and was also a math and science tutor for kids and got a fuckin LOOOOOOK from them bro :/ and like genuine surprise of oh so all this stuff is new to you? You're gonna learn it all here? Like YES? THIS IS A SUMMER TRAINING PROGRAM NOT A SUMMER ALREADY KNOWS IT PROGRAM. And then they were like you only brought that backpack with you? And I was like yeah my supervisor booked my flights and only got a carryon but it's whatever and they were like wowwww my university got me a checked bag I could neverrrr fit everything into a backpack like that. Poor you. Then one guy was like what's that fish you have tattooed? And i was like oh it's m.zebra I did my bachelor's thesis on them and he was like ugh. I could NEVERRRR have something *work* related tattooed on me (he has no tattoos but told me all about how he's perfectly planned two sleeves of japanese motifs on one and nordic runes on another) and then when we got in I was like you know I might just hand wash a shirt or two bc by the time I get enough stuff for a load of laundry I'll be out of clothes and this girl was like omggggg I just feel SOOO BAD for you with that tiny backpack I don't know how you did it. And then tattoo expert was like honestly if I went to America when I was 20 and they told me I couldn't drink a beer I'd GO CRAZY how come you guys can join the army and vote and do all this stuff before getting a beer?? And I was like you're aware I have no power over this right? And then later on in the night he was like yeah I see those videos of Americans making mac and cheese with like bricks of cheese and stuff it's fucked up and I was like no yeah I'd come home from work and fry a whole block of velveeta every day. And then he was like that are those runes on your hand and I was like they're not runes. Also every time we smell weed he's like haha look at her the Californian she's so excited. Anyway I kinda hate it here I wanna go home four of us are sharing one bathroom and the shower doesn't drain at all and the whole thing floods and I feel like everyone is being so patronizing to me cause I'm some dumb inexperienced American and they keep making snides about how I got into a really good project and how norway has the best pay out of all the European countries associated with this program and why am I being so cheap and taking public transport from the airport when I'm getting the norway pay?? Anyway I almost cried in bed last night. Onwards and upwards I'm here til next Wednesday.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Hey there! Hekate has pointed me toward your blog and I just wanted to say hi 💞

I do have a question though, have you ever had deities help you with motivation and executive functioning skills? I've got ADHD and the "laziness"(🤢) or what I call "going slug mode" (staying in bed all day, no motivation to shower, etc) really commands my life.

My periods of deity work tend to coincide with my periods of productivity and energy, but I often fall off when, well, everything else falls off. So I guess I'm also looking for advice or at least to connect with someone who's had similar experiences.

(I've also connected with Aphrodite and Loki! Other gods I've worked with in the past are Mother Hathor and Brigid)

First off, I may or may not have had so many feelings upon seeing "Hekate has pointed me towards your blog" because the idea that my blog can be useful enough that a deity would go "go look at what that dude has to say" just brings me so much joy.

Second off, OH THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING I SHOULD SCREAM ABOUT THANK YOU. I can't believe I haven't already made a post about this!!

I, too, am an ADHD motherfucker and I have always had so many issues with keeping up with my craft. I will absolutely be calling it "slug mode" from now on, that's the best fucking way to put it. I've had deities help me with executive function at times, but if I'm honest I've forgotten lately that I can ask them for help with that. More often than not it looks more like nudging me towards a task than giving me the energy- but that doesn't mean you can't ask! It just means I forgot I could, lol.

This is gonna be a chonker post, so I'm breaking this post up into two parts; 1, why accepting "falling off" was the best thing I could have done for myself and 2, how to still connect with your craft (and deities) through those times anyway.

So for one, you're not broken or a failure, and your deities fuckin' love you.

Call me philosophical, but hear me out; I've always worked in cycles. Cycles of insane productivity, cycles of tiredness, cycles of hyperfixation on one thing, then another, then another. I'm just someone who works that way, and I've always viewed it as a problem to be fixed. I've always viewed MYSELF as a problem to be fixed, which really started with the school system but that's an unrelated rant. So, apologies for getting a bit intense especially since this may not apply to you personally, but just in case:

You're not a problem. You don't need to fix yourself. The world works in cycles. Seasons, reincarnation if you subscribe to that belief, the water cycle, and a billion other things I've forgotten- working with cycles is just a natural way of going about life that I think shouldn't be forgotten. I have intense periods of growth in my craft, and I have periods where I don't do much and instead play my favorite video game for eight hours straight- and that's okay! One of the best things I did for myself and my craft was give myself permission to do that. I, and you, are not failures as witches for "falling off" and our deities love us anyway. Not in spite of it, either, because of it. They know how to work with the cyclic nature of things; people are no different.

So honestly, there's a chance that none of this will make sense to you- but there's a chance that you, and maybe others seeing this post, might find that giving yourself permission to go through cycles might be the best thing you could do.

Okay, now that I've yelled about that, here's ways that I keep myself connected to my craft and my deities during my less witchy periods.

I give myself permission to use witchcraft for "dumb shit." I have at least one post on this, but witchcraft can BE childish, playful, "dumb-" it doesn't need to be serious all the time. So I'm learning to let go of what I think it should look like and recognize that sometimes the way to stay connected is to lay in bed and draw a sigil on my phone as a mini-spell to manifest a nice little treat or a thing I want in a video game.

This isn't deity work, but it had been huge for me: SIGILS. Sigils my beloved. I don't often have the time, energy, or supplies to do what most people think of when they talk about spells. So instead, if I'm feeling like I could do a spell for something but that's just too much, sigils can be done on my phone or computer while just chilling. Also, if you're like me and a writer, I just write spells too. Literally the same way I write statements for sigils, but a bunch of 'em.

Personally I just talk to my deities. I would like to do this more, actually. You don't need to have a big reason for calling them in, just ask them to sit with you and talk about your day or infodump about a special interest. They're not going to deem it unimportant; you're important to them.

Turn anything into a devotional activity if you want. Any self-care. Not just the typical stuff; I mean food, meds, literally any sort of "maintenance" to keep your body and mind running! If you can't do those, play music you associate with them, or watch a show/play a game and invite them to just sit with you. Whatever you're already doing, you can just ask them to do it with you. If that's literally just laying in bed doing nothing but feeling crappy, I can assure you I've asked them to sit with me during those days too and they've been more than happy.

Literally most of my offerings are just random food. As we speak, I have a little tiny thing with a few sips of soda because I give Loki some when I drink some. If you don't have the time or energy to put it on the altar, literally just drink it with the intention that you're drinking it "for" them. When I did a reading and Kali visited for it, she asked for a graham cracker of all things. It doesn't have to be associated with them. Virtual offerings too! If you can, I've seen people just scroll through pinterest/google images and pick images to offer to their deities.

This might not be something you struggle with, but this is definitely something I would need someone to tell me so: ASK. PLEASE. ASK FOR THINGS. They're not going to riot if you ask for things!! Let them help!! Ask for things, unapologetically if you can muster it!!! I am using excessive exclamation marks for a reason, I swear. My deities are in a constant state of telling me to just ask for things.

Be gentle with yourself. Genuinely, I think one of the best ways to honor your deities doesn't even require them to be there at all; just try not to hate on yourself for being the way you are, because they wouldn't want you to.

Overall, my only advice is just... throw away what you "should" be doing and find out what you LIKE doing. What works for you? It's a hard question to answer, but it gets a lot easier when you start looking away from what "should" work. Your deities are working with you, they wouldn't be working with you if they didn't accept every single part of you. That includes slug mode.

As always, my DM's and asks are open if you have any more questions/just want to connect because being a neurodivergent witch sometimes just feels isolating at times! If you actually read this whole post thank you, I hope some of it helped!!

[deepspaceboytoy]

is there any hope for me at all if im a virgin at 23? if i tried hard enough i could probably lose it- i wipe my ass and know how to read, which puts me ahead of most men- but my gender dysphoria gives me such a massive disconnect from myself and my body that i dont think i know myself well enough to be a good partner to someone, either in a short-term sexual encounter or a long-term romantic relationship. and honestly, i just dont want to have sex as a man, but i lack the material conditions to transition, so im stuck. i feel like its a moral failing that im a virgin this late in my life, like no matter what my actual feelings or opinions are, im no better than the most terminally online neet. i dont know if i even actually want sex or if i just want to have it so i can feel equal to my peers. idk. im sorry for dumping this in your inbox but i like how mean you are and im kinda hoping that youre just gonna tell me to kill myself lol

Took me a while to compose the response I wanted for this but I want to start off by saying there’s no wrong or right age to have sex for the first time, especially for us lgbts. Shit’s hard both out there and inside our heads and it doesn’t help that there’s immense societal expectations to lose your v card young. I have friends who are several years older than me and still waiting or they don’t experience attraction or they just want to focus on shit other than their sex lives and no matter what your reason is for not having lost it, it’s perfectly fine. Under no circumstances should you take my dumb fuckin horndog ass any sort of barometer for where you are in regards to your relationship with gender. Honestly, I know it feels like it sucks that you haven’t had any sexual experiences but from the way you described your gender issues that may be for the best, I have a lot of friends who hadn’t reconciled their identity yet and rushed into sexual relationships because they felt they needed to or it was expected and it really hurt them or set them back, I think inside the struggles you’ve been having is a good awareness you may not be in the right space right now for sex.

Sex is a tough one because everyone’s relationship to it is vastly different. I talk a lot about casual relationships and short flings but it’s not a one size fits all either so don’t let the way I talk about it influence how you want to approach your sex life, now or in the future.

Lastly, I’m not gonna tell you to kill yourself because despite appearances I am a less caustically hostile rude asshole now than I have been on here, we could charitably call it personal growth. You’re in a rough place in your life, just like a lot of our community, and that’s both perfectly understandable and not at all a moral failing. Ultimately, if you’re looking for a guide on sex I’m a bad person to come to because I have what I think for most people would be a pretty unhealthy relationship with it. It works for me and when it doesn’t I seek out longer, more serious relationships, but each person is different. Focus on yourself and doing the things you need to do to become more comfortable with yourself first and you’ll find that it unlocks sexuality in a huge way. For me, that unlocking came in high school when I realized I really fit in well with the freewheeling casual stuff, but like I’m sure I’ve said in here before, it’s not a one size fits all. You’re doing fine

[nottoofondofgaypeople]

make an unnecessarily long post about vylad :3

Ohhhh boy a Vylad rewrite post, huh?

Vylad is honestly the character I have struggled the most with when conceptualizing when coming up with ideas for this rewrite. In my brain the main timeline MCD Vylad is aro/ace, so I never think about him in the kinds of situations characters are going to end up in.

I think for the sake of this rewrite Vylad is definitely demi both romantic, sexual, and gender. What demi gender? Good question!

Vylad needs an emotional connection with someone in order to feel attraction to them, but forming an emotional bond with Vylad is pretty difficult. In the entirety of this rewrite I think three people end up getting this, and those people are Agnes, Laurance, and Zenix but in a bad way. And two of those people end up dating his brother, and the other one goes a little insane. So Vylad is just not doing great in the dating pool.

Luckily Vylad is a lot more open to talking to people in this rewrite. Once the 15 year gap has passed, they've spent so long without anyone to really talk to that Vylad is a lot more open to communication. Agnes especially gets on his case for this, forcing Vylad to interact with people more because she will not have her baby brother that's older than her and not even her brother be so stand offish.

All my musician head canons I talked about in this post and it's follow up on my main are all canon to this story. Vylad doesn't do conversations the best, but he is able to become total besties with Aaron and Travis around the fire and kind of third wheels as Aaron and Travis are having their homosexual tension, but they don't mind that much. Vylad has always loved just observing people as they exist and do their stupid human shit, watching two dumb dorks fall in love while looking longingly at one another's hands on an instrument is Vylad's soap opera.

If popcorn existed in Ru'aun, Vylad would be addicted to it. I don't know why but this is a headcanon I will fight to the death about now, MCD Vylad would absolutely adore popcorn.

Just thought about MCD Vylad in a dress. Not something too showy, a dress that fully covers their body and is like a dark green maybe, definitely a custom order from Cadenza but one that she is happy to fill. Wait do Vylad and Cadenza even talk in the entirety of mcd?? Well they do in this rewrite because Vylad is way too shy to ask someone else to do it for them. But Cadenza is completely chill about the whole ordeal, asks the standard amount of questions, and when she's getting measurements she checks in with Vylad constantly to make sure he isn't uncomfortable.

And when Cadenza finishes it she just drops it off at Vylad's house. Vylad has a dress now :)

I don't want to ask too much but please if there are any artists that have somehow read this far I need this 🙏🏻

I think Vylad and Cadenza would have a great friendship. She's just so fucking chill despite being wound up as a lord. Vylad may not get it in the sense of being a lord, but he grew up with Garroth as an older brother and literally helped guide Agnes on the path to being a lord, so he understands it's trials and tribulations very well. I want to write a scene of these two getting high and just talking about literally whatever, maybe they make fun of Laurance, or Vylad opens up about what it feels like to be a Shadow Knight because Cadenza has a Shadow Knight as a guard and one as a brother, she fuckin gets it.

I-Is this a new rarepair? I mean, if I take it down that route we do have to acknowledge that Vylad is lowkey rebounding from Laurance to Laurance's sister which... I mean, given Vylad's track record with romance, that completely tracks. Gods even when I let him feel romantic and sexual things they're so bad at it!

Uhh, anyways, I think Vylad's favorite color is a pale green. The color of his mothers eyes because Vylad is such a mama's boy oh my Irene I will never shut up about this! I always headcanon that his scarf was made by his mom, and that's part of why Vylad is so attached to it.

Just had the thought of Vylad and Agnes singing a duet together :)

Vylad is still really shy about their singing voice and panics at the thought of singing in front of others, but they feel calm enough around Agnes that he doesn't mind if it's just the two of them. Don't know what they'd sing. Maybe Wolves of the Revolution as a trio with Garroth. Oh that's eating my brain alive right now.

I think as a teenager Vylad was really unsupervised, so they spent a lot of time just figuring out how to sneak around their estate. He made new secret passages just because he wanted to fuck with Garroth and Zane. I think Vylad was a total prankster, but both of his brothers got sick of it pretty quickly, and their reactions weren't funny anymore.

Give Vylad more chaotic energy when the alliance island is built and operational. Nothing malicious, but sometimes Vylad will just climb in through your window, grab an apple off the counter, give you a wave and then dip out. I want Vylad to disappear for like two and a half months, come back with no explanation and then hand Agnes some ancient artifact that he "just found while exploring." Vylad is the king of not elaborating. He loves hearing people's guesses, but never confirms or denies how accurate they are.

Garroth's guesses are always the closest to being accurate, but he still doesn't entirely understand the person his brother has become. I think Vylad being older than Garroth would be really weird for both of them. Like in Garroth's brain Vylad is younger little small baby brother, but Vylad is a smart ass who always has to correct him and remind Garroth that they're technically older than he is. This is thanks to both Nether time dilation, and Irene Dimension time dilation! The divine really just like fucking with time.

I think I want an entire episode of just Vylad and Hyria talking over tea. I always imagined Hyria being akin to a mother to Vylad as both of them sort of leaned on one another and used each other to cope with the losses in their lives. And Vylad still makes visits every now and then to the enchanted forest to visit Hyria and have a chat with her. I think it'd be neat.

Even funnier if Lucinda shows up to ask Hyria about a witchcraft thing and she just stares at Vylad like "When did you become friends with my mom?" "Before I met you."

One time while Vylad and Travis were practicing a song alone Vylad set down his ocarina, looked Travis in the eye and said "I've explored the entirety of Gal'ruk. No one will ever believe you." The only person who does is Laurance, but he still makes fun of Travis.

Vylad is just a chaotic confusing freak!! I love him!!!

[69bitterbeingz]

IF YOU'RE GONNA BE DUMB || CH. 2

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DISCLAIMER: This is a reupload from my prev account! best to follow the fic through ao3 [linked below] to avoid any future issues PAIRINGS - johnny knoxville, bam margera, steve-o, chris pontius, ryan dunn x female reader WARNINGS - swearing, injury mention

ao3 version

“How’s the black eye?”

“ Iced, it’s whatever, I’ve had worst. ”

“You sure wailed when that bouncer got you.”

“Fucking yeah? What the fuck do you expect me to do, it sucked!”

“ I didn’t wail.”

“Whatever. ”

You snickered to yourself, mindlessly scrolling through whatever obscure forum you had stumbled on. Since you struggled trying to hold the phone between your ear and your shoulder, you gave up and just held it with your hand, blowing your hair out of your face.

“ Anyway, shooting a stunt next Monday, want you to come down.”

“Ooh, what are you guys gonna do? Swallow an eel? Kiss a snake?”

“ FUCK no, don’t even joke about that. You’ll see when you get there, don’t wanna ruin the surprise.”  

“I see you’re a man of mystery, Margera.” You could practically sense his eye roll over the line.

“ I’ll text you the address of the set, our director said it’s fine. I think you’ll make good eye candy. ”

“Get fucked.”

“ Just a heads up, don’t be surprised if they’re naked.”

You paused, furrowing your eyebrows as you processed what he just said.

“Wait  what–?”

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

It wasn’t that far of a drive, at least. When you arrived at the location, if felt kinda… dodgy… it was all the way out in some random field. You were starting to wonder if you were about to be murdered, but when you drove down near the lake bank, you saw the massive ramp and quickly realised it wasn’t  you  who was about to be murdered. You pulled the handbrake, staring in awe at the towering liability, only snapping out of it when a man approached your car.

“Hey, are you Bam’s friend?”

“Oh, yeah, [Y/N].” You got out of the car and shook his hand. “Thanks for letting me come by.”

“No problem, I’m Jeff Tremaine.”

“Hey, I swear you used to do that skate magazine, right? My drummer was  obsessed  with them, still keeps a big stack of em in his room.” You snapped your fingers as you recalled, and Jeff chuckled.

“Ah, yeah. Honestly, the stuff we do here isn’t all that different.” He started to walk towards the rest of the group, so you followed. “Drummer, huh? So you're in a band?”

You nodded, “Yeah,  Bappho  , you might’ve heard of us.” Jeff seemed taken aback.

“  Bappho?  I’ve actually listened to your last album, you've been in the media a lot recently. Even seen you on MTV.”

You laughed nervously. “It’s... a little overwhelming? But hey, I guess notoriety is what every band looks for, so I'm not complaining.”

He led you to where a group of men were congregated, many unfamiliar but a few you actually recognised. A face you definitely  weren’t  expecting was Tony Hawk’s, somebody you had met at an MTV afterparty a good few months back, and you couldn’t help the grin spreading across your face.

“  Tony!  No fuckin’ way, what the hell are you doing out here?” You called out, grabbing everyone’s attention. Tony was stood with Bam and another guy - he started looking very confused when Tony went right up to you and gave you a bro hug .

“Nothing much, got roped into something stupid. What about you? Didn’t think this was your thing.”

You pointed over to Bam, “Margera invited me.” The two of you joined Bam and the mystery guy; Tony seemed surprised, looking between you and Bam as the dark haired skater shuffled closer to you.

“You two know each other?” Tony asked, and Bam grinned.

“Met a couple weeks ago, she’s the reason I got that black eye.” He motioned to his eye - only then did you notice it was almost totally gone, leaving just a smattering of greenish discolouring in its wake. You pushed his arm, snickering.

“Don’t blame that shit on me, man, you didn’t need to get in between me ‘n that bouncer.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, but decided that was a story he didn’t need to hear about. You eased into the conversation quickly, you discovered mystery guy was called Matt Hoffman and he seemed pretty cool. But then you spotted three men approaching your little group, and though you didn’t know their names, you knew their faces. Were you nervous or cautious? Probably the second, these people are insane… a nd admittedly attractive for sadomasochistic man children.  The tallest one with the shades poked Bam’s shoulder, then edged his way into the group.

“Who’s this? You got a girlfriend, Bam?” He asked, a slight southern drawl to his voice. Not so subtly he looked you up and down; you weren’t impressed.

“Not his girlfriend. Which one are you?” You responded, but immediately cut back in with a giddy giggle. “  Wait wait wait,  I know your face! You’re the porta potty guy, right?” The guys behind him started laughing among themselves and playfully jabbed the tall one, seemingly getting a kick out of the nickname while he chuckled to himself and adjusted his sunglasses.

“That’s what they called me in college, now I go by Johnny Knoxville.” He held out his hand for you to shake, and you did so gladly - you can appreciate a guy who can take a joke.

“Nice to meet you, Knoxville. I’m [Y/N].”

He smiled charmingly, “Pretty name you got there.” Suddenly, a guy in nothing put a thong, bra and bunny ears cut into the conversation, a goofy grin on his face.

“Bunny the lifeguard, I’m here to make sure everything’s safe.” He spoke in a mock serious voice, before breaking down into a cute giggle. “Actually I’m Chris - I’ve listened to your music, by the way! It’s cool to meet you.” This dude was all smiles, and my  god  it was infectious. You couldn’t help cracking a smile yourself.

“Thanks  bunny,  it’s nice meeting you too.”

“And this crazy bastard is Steve-O.” Johnny introduced the last unknown face, a guy with buzzed hair and no shirt, revealing his shittily done tattoos. Johnny slung his arm over the guy’s shoulder, while he just grinned, all teeth.

“‘Sup, dude.” Then he paused. “Or uh… chick?”

“Dude’s good. Like your take on the heartagram.” You pointed at his chest, and he smirked as he looked down.

“Aw yeah, came to me like a vision from god.” He snarked, voice rough and rumbly, but you liked it.

“So, may I ask what a sweet thing like you is doing down in the dirt with  us  dogs?” Johnny asked, looking at you curiously as he let Steve go and leaned forward. You noticed just how tall he was compared to you, looming over you and making your heart beat rise. You weren't sure if you felt threatened or attracted. 

“She’s a dog like the rest of us!” Bam cut in before you could reply, swinging his arm around your shoulders which made you jolt in surprise. “You should see her after a few drinks, she didn’t get those bruises from dancing.”

“Yeah, Bam said he got his black eye from hanging out with you.” Chris pointed out, and you rolled your eyes.

“Like I said, he chose to get in between me and the bouncer. I had the fucker by the nuts, not my fault he felt the need to  rescue  me.” It came out slightly more bitter than you intended, but nobody picked up on it, just laughing and shoving Bam playfully.  Boyish tomfoolery,  you guessed, especially when Bam jumped on Chris to get him to shut up. With the space vacant, Johnny moved in next to you and put a hand on your shoulder, leading you away from the scrap that suddenly started. 

“Why don’t I introduce you to what we’re up to today?” He offered, leading you to the large ramp constructed by the lake.

“How…  big  is that ramp?” You asked warily, and he contemplated for a second.

“I don’t know, 15? 20 feet?”

“  Jesus–  what the hell are you doing with that thing?”

Johnny cackled giddily and pointed up at the loop.

“We’re gonna get some of the guys to ride down from that platform, loop the loop, then off the ramp into the lake.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, following his finger as he explained, and pursed your lips. “They signed waivers, right?”

“Oh it’s  fine,  we got lifeguard Bunny after all.” 

You looked back to Pontius still wrestling with Bam, catching his eye as he looked up; he smiled sweetly at you, though the momentary distraction gave Bam the upperhand to pin him to the ground. “Yeah, I'm sure that takes care of everything.” Soon enough, the camera crew yelled for everyone to get their shit together and start filming; you left the boys to it and stood off to the side next to Tremaine and the camera guy [you think his name was Rick?]. Johnny started in his signature style.

“Hi, I’m here with Mr Matt Hoffman, Mr Tony Hawk, and today they’re going to attempt the Loop.”

It was a little hard to watch - Matt went first on his BMX, and it went exactly the way you thought it would, wiping out pretty hard. It took him a little while to get back to it after, thought you were surprised he got back up at  all  . At least he was getting paid to break his neck. To your surprise, he actually managed it in the end, doing the full loop and even spinning off the ramp into the water. As dumb as it was, it was honestly pretty cool. You started getting into it when Tony got in position - you even whooped for him as he skid down the ramp and wiped out in much the same way. As he set up for the next attempt, you couldn't help noticing a blonde guy started pestering Bam - you could just about hear him say ‘are you gonna stop being a pussy?’, must have been about doing the ramp. Coincidentally, you agreed with the blonde. Bam  should  stop being a pussy, and maybe you could convince him.  Bam immediately noticed when you approached the pair, and he started to bite his knuckles with a nervous smile. “No  way  man.” Apparently he already knew why you were there. You grinned wickedly, hooking your arm around his neck in a boisterous manner, throwing him off guard for a second.

“C’mon Margera, don’t be a wuss, eh?”

He pushed you off, giggling. “No fucking way I’m gonna break my fucking back!”

The blonde guy leaned over to you, and in a hushed voice said, “Say you’ll give him a kiss.”

“Huh?”

“He’ll totally fall for it, just say it.”

You gave the blonde a suspicious look, but you had to admit he was probably right. So, you grabbed Bam again and held him against your side.

“I’ll kiss you if you stop being a weakass.”

Bam paused, like he was really mulling it over, and you couldn’t believe this was actually working.

He gave you a cheeky smile, “  Just  a kiss?”

“Don’t push your luck, don’t you get paid for this shit?” 

Finally he relented, and jogged over to the top of the ramp with his skateboard in hand. You hated to admit it but he was kinda cute, in an immature way. You snapped out of your thoughts when somebody bumped into your arm.

“You’re the girl he met, right? The band chick?”

It was the blonde that was egging him on.

“That’s what he’s calling me?” You'd rib him for that later, “Yea, that’s me.”

“Cool, I’m Ryan Dunn. Known Bam since he was in knee pads.” He introduced, and he held out a fist for you to bump - sure, makes more sense than shaking these wackos hands like business associates. “C’mon, let’s go watch him eat shit.”

And eat shit he did, crashing onto the bottom of the wood ramp mere  millimetres  from the cushioned mat. That one made you cringe, sucking the air through your teeth - you weren’t serious when you said you’d kiss him, but now you kinda owed him. He tried a couple more times before Tony and Matt took another stab at it, while Bam sat on the grass and licked his wounds. He was too busy trying to massage away his aches to notice you approach.

“Hey, damn near snapped your neck there.” 

“At least I’m not a pussy.”

“This is seriously some high school shit, how old are you again?”

“You’re a goddamn hypocrite!”

You hummed and sat next to him. Quickly, so  you  didn’t wuss out, you pecked him on the cheek. Blink and you miss it, but it was enough to startle him. 

“...What, that’s it?”

“Cram it.”

That’s when Steve-O joined the conversation, taking a seat at Bam’s other side.

“Gnarly wipeout, dude.”

“Yeah well, at least ‘m getting paid for it.” Bam scoffed, while Steve chuckled.

“You should try it, [Y/N].” The tatted man suggested, pointing at you so it was exactly clear who he was targeting. 

“What, you wanna see a chick get hurt that bad?” It sounded like a weak excuse, because it was.

“You’re not a  pussy  are you?” Bam suddenly asked, and that shut you up. Look, you’re not a prideful idiot, but you’ll admit you  are  prideful. However, you weren’t keen on dying on screen.

“This is stupid.”

Which just made them cackle like hyenas - god, these guys laugh at anything. 

“She’s  scared!  ”

“Aww, you worried you’re gonna break a nail?!”

“Can you even skate?”

Irritated, you screwed up your nose.  “No, I can’t skate for shit.” You grumbled, but then your mind started to drift and the chaotic little demon that lived in the  dumbass  region of your brain started to whisper sweet nothings. “...But there is something I can do.”

A few minutes of rummaging around in your car boot yielded your prize - a pair of roller skates that looked straight from 1985. Bam was taken aback.

“  You  roller skate?”

“Roller skates, blades, ice skates - I can’t do boards but I can do shoes.”

Steve-O leaned over your shoulder, giving you a toothy grin. “C’mon, it’ll be funny as shit.”

And unfortunately he was right, it  would  be funny as shit. Which is how you ended up at the top of the ramp, staring down at the certain doom that loop promised.

“[Y/N]’s gonna do the loop?” You heard Johnny ask from down below.

“Yeah, we bullied her into it.” Steve-O replied.  Assholes. This is so stupid, and you’re stupid for falling for it. Not that you’re backing out. You’re not a pussy. 

“Careful, [Y/N]!” Chris yelled out to you. “Don’t break your face!”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Ok fuck this, no more stalling. With the whoops of mid 20’s frat boys to power you on, you kicked off the platform onto the ramp. Your heart was racing in your chest, hammering so hard you thought it'd break your bones before the loop got the chance. Before you knew it, you were upside down, and your hesitation got the best of you. A split second of falling to your death, then landing on your shoulder onto the mat in a crumpled heap. What the fuck just happened...? It was so quick, you wouldn’t believe it happened if it weren’t for the adrenaline still thrumming through your veins. You just about recognised Johnny hanging over you, a strange expression on his face.

“[Y/N], you good? How’s your head?”

You knew you were staring at his face, but it was like you were looking right through him. The buzz was still washing over you, just one thought in your mind:

I wanna do it again.

“I can totally do it this time.” You said breathlessly, and Johnny’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“What?”

“I can  totally  clear that ramp!” 

You stumbled up from the mattress and rushed past him to climb back up to the top of the ramp, the boys looking at you like you’d grown a second head.

“The hell is she doing?” Bam asked as Johnny rejoined them.

“She said she’s gonna clear it.”

“  Seriously?  After  that  wipe? Did she hit her fuckin head?” Bam seemed incredulous, maybe a little concerned, the complete opposite to Chris and Steve-O.

“Do it, [Y/N]!” They both yelled. “You fuckin got this!”

That’s all the encouragement you needed. You figured all you needed was just more momentum, so you threw your weight forward, bending at the knees to pick up as much speed as possible. The loop approached quickly, and you fought every instinct you had to splay out like a starfish, and instead hunched down as low as you were able. You wrenched your eyes shut, feeling your stomach flip, but you didn’t fall. 

You didn’t fall…?

Holy shit you didn’t  fall!

Wait, where did that leave you then?

You opened your eyes, and suddenly you were facing the other ramp right at the water’s edge. There wasn't even time to be scared, in a split second you were catapulted off the ramp’s end and flew into the water, crashing face first into the lake. Was that cheering you could hear through the water? You weren’t sure, you were too distracted by the liquid rushing into your lungs. Something strong grabbed you, and you would’ve panicked if you didn’t recognise the floral bra. What a great lifeguard, after all. You started hacking up lake water as soon as you broke the water’s surface, barely noticing that Chris was practically cradling you. “That was awesome! You alright?”

“Y-yeah sound, just–  ack  , fuck, how much water does a lake  need?  ”

He dragged you over to the edge of the water and helped you out like the gentleman he is, excitedly praising you all the while. As soon as you were stood in the grass again, you were mobbed by excited man children; Bam was laughing like a maniac, playfully shoving you.

“The fuck man, you  actually  made the loop?!” He was finding it hard to believe, which made Ryan scoff.

“Yeah, not even you could do that, huh?” Ryan remarked, getting a punch to the shoulder, then punched Bam back - man, they really can’t help themselves.

“I didn’t expect you to get back up.” Johnny admitted, that curious look in his eye even stronger than before; “You weren’t even wearing a helmet.” In that very moment, your head started to throb, like him mentioning the lack of protection made your body realise you were actually pretty hurt. You could damn well feel it, that's for sure. You wobbled a bit, leaning on Chris- sorry, Bunny for support, making him hang onto you a little tighter. “Woah, you okay?”

“Yeah, uh… I don’t think I actually made it out of that one unscathed.” The longer you stood and the more the adrenaline wore off, the heavier your head felt on your neck - you were starting to get a little dizzy, and you guessed it was apparent as Bunny started ushering you away from the group.

“Hang on, I’ll take you to the medical tent. Baby steps!”

For a guy who acted like a frat jock, he was actually quite sweet, hands surprisingly gentle as he led you over the flimsy little tent off to the side. The medic’s approach was very casual, she just had you sit for a while and drink some water while she tested certain things [“how bad does your head hurt?” “does it hurt when I poke here?” “how many fingers am I holding up?”], all the while Chris sat with you and made upbeat conversation. You learned quickly that he was the definition of a goof, and even if some of his jokes were groaners, you still laughed at every one. Even after the medic brushed you off with a bump to the head and nothing more, he stuck with you until you were feeling right again.

“Glad you didn’t get too fucked up on your first day here!” Chris chuckled, and you waved him off.

“Yeah, that’d be embarrassing.” You glanced back at the medic. “Not the most chipper, eh?”

“She’s stuck around since they first started the show, so she’s dealt with a lotta shit. Literally the first stunt Jeff and Rick ever filmed with Johnny, he broke his ankle.”

“  Seriously?  Maybe they should’ve taken that as a bad omen.”

Chris giggled, and for some reason it made your chest feel fuzzy - blame it on the possible concussion, but the sun seemed to reflect on him in  just  the right way. The two of you got wrapped up in your own little world, until you heard Jeff Tremaine yelling to the rest of the crew to wrap up filming and move to the next location. Chris gave you a wary look. “You feeling alright?”

“I’m  fine  .” You dismissed, jumping up from the fold out bed to test your balance - good enough. Chris got up as well, bringing your discarded skates with him.

“Do you wanna tag along with us to the next stunt? There’s only one left on the schedule today, then we’re all going for drinks.” He said the last part like it would sweeten the deal, but drinking didn’t sound so great right then. Sure, you weren’t dizzy anymore, but you had the sense to know drinking on a maybe head injury wasn’t a great idea.

“Pass, I’m just gonna drive home.”

“Are you sure about that…?”

“You got a better idea?”

He shrugged - apparently not. Chris ended up walking you to your car, even putting away the roller skates and holding the door open for you, like a proper    gentleman  .

“Are you  sure–?  ”

“Yes, yes I’m sure, swear that’s the fourth time you’ve asked.” You meant it light-heartedly, but he still seemed sheepish.

“Why don’t you text me when you get home? Just so I don’t think you’ve crashed or something.” He held out his hand through the open window. “Here, I’ll put it into your phone!”

And you obliged, handing off your phone to the guy in the bra you just met. You sent him a text to confirm you had the right number, and he blew you a kiss before you drove off, promising to tell the guys you said goodbye. As you pulled out of the field and onto the road, you thought about the gaggle of daredevils you were becoming acquainted with. Honestly, other than Ville, you hadn’t made many friends since you came to LA a few months ago - granted, you moved for the sake of your band, but it wouldn’t kill you to think about your social life, too. And now within a couple weeks, you’d been dragged into an entire friend group.  Bizarre  . You were starting to think you should’ve grabbed everyone else’s numbers before you left, but you’re sure there would be other chances. On cue, your phone buzzed on your dashboard, and at the next red light you grabbed it long enough to see who it was.

Chris: nice meeting you! If ur feeling better come to the bar tonight!! Love bunny <3

Bam: can’t believe you left without saying bye. come to the bar tonight

Two numbers achieved, three to go.

[dumbasssoftly]

look, not to be a bitch, but im tired of the whole ‘mike is such a bully and a controversy king hmph!’ Like I get it. He says dumb shit. But for a 44 year old man, he’s pretty good. Compared to the other 44 year old men I know in Real life, he’s pretty damn good. I get how his whole ‘stfu Zoomers’ schtick can be annoying, but he’s clearly joking. He finds that funny, it’s lighthearted, whatever, he’s a 44 year old man, I don’t give a shit. I’m in my late 20s, I have rent to pay buddy, I’m not worried about what this man says when his most controversial take of the Week is that he calls his audience young. Like??? You have not been on YouTube fuckin long enough or seen enough awful shit if you think that’s the worst thing a man can fucking do, if I’m calling Mike a fuckin relief, a fucking respite from the rest of the internet, what the fuck do you think I’m comparing him to. honestly. think about it. If he’s the Best (ish) for the select kind of Man I want to watch, because I get joy from it, can you possibly imagine the kinds of other shit men within his bracket? And when I hop on tumblr dot com I don’t go to the rlmblr tag to see y’all going ‘oooh he said a nasty thinggg grr shame on you bad man’ no I go because I want to see you guys’ goofin and having fun and posting the thirstiest tags known to man I don’t come here to see blortch and co.’s rancid, mid-ass, ice-cold takes. They do it for shits and giggles, (which. I mean, do you.) but some of you take mikes word vomit a little too seriously. It’s a 44 year old man. On the internet. Who does movie reviews. He meets the baseline moral criteria, baby, and that’s all I care about. I don’t watch him for his sociopolitical beliefs, I watch him bc it’s an hour+ of voices in the background so I can work, because I have a Job and I have Rent and Bills to Pay, and because I want to sit on his fat cock that’s all that’s it I rest my case goodnight.