#but they just dont love eachother that way
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utterly obsessed? - three
summary: actress y/n I/n has recently skyrocketed into stardom after her breakout film 'castaways' alongside sarah cameron, kevin hart, chris evans and chris hemsworth. weeks after the movies premiere, she drops her debut single, further cementing her place in the spotlight. as millions of people around the world begin to idolize her, she catches the attention of rafe cameron, who doesnt shy away from becoming utterly obsessed in what seems to be the cutest way possible.
main masterlist
two - three - four
december 21, 2024
everythingyn
everythingyn y/n, accompanied by co-star rafe cameron and friends at 'hellraiser' premiere, as well as co-director, john b routledge making a couple appearances. bts pics were also recieved by fans who attended the premiere!
user jj and kie? kill me now theyre so cute.
user i will die on the cameron siblings supremacy hill.
user finest group of friends to EVER strut this earth.
user tuh. jj come home the kids miss you😔
➯ jjmay On my way!
➯ user BYE
user yall my friend said that backstage or wtv rafe and y/n werent near eachother at ALL..
➯ user they must be really good actors then😭😭
user john b, one chance! sarah, can you fight?
user i feel like theyd be so fun to hang out with if i had a man cs if u think im seventh or ninth wheeling😭
user love this❤️
user DJFVNIRJBV
➯ user real
truth was, the more sarah tried to get you and rafe close to eachother, to talk at the very least, the more the two of you found it awkward and distanced yourselves. you had spent the majority of the time at the premiere beforehand with jj, pope, kie and cleo, while he spent most of his time with sarah, john b, and topper. its her brother, can you blame her? why topper was there? no one knew.
you were mid conversation with jj when sarah came over once again with a beaming smile. "sarah, no." you immediately shook your head, glancing around at the fans that had turned up especially early, presumably wanting to capture pictures of whatever they could gossip about. "what? i cant smile at my bestfriend?" she jokingly crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow. "not when i know theres something you want," you point an accusatory finger at her.
you chuckled when she let out a heavy sigh, "okay, maybe." she said with a soft smile. "just a hug with you and rafe before you start, pleaseee." she begged, as she held your right hand with her left. you widened your eyes in agreement, tossing your other hand slightly into the air. "fine," you let her lead you towards rafe, where he glanced between you and sarah with a soft nervous? smile.
you offered him a tight lipped smile, opening your arms as if reaching in for a hug. he did the same, bending down and wrapping them around your mid-back as you wrapped yours around his neck. "sorry 'bout her," he mumbled into your ear. a slight chuckle left your lips, "its expected dont worry." you rubbed you hand up and down his back before patting it as if beginning to let go.
rafe noted the signal, also rubbing his hand up and down your back for a moment before backing away. the two of you stayed close, greeting some of the fans that had arrived early before saying a quick goodbye and retreating back to your original small groups. you sucked in a breath through your teeth as jj laughed, wrapping an arm loosely around your shoulder.
"y'good?" he mumbled as he watched cleo and pope innocently bicker as they tried to fix his hair with kiara laughing behind them. "yeah. i d'know what sarahs doing but as long as she doesnt push it." you shrug, watching as most paparazzi as well as a couple interviewers made their way to the designated area at the carpet, the horde of fans growing behind them.
he heaved out a sigh, wrapping both arms around neck in a warm hug. "whoa, hi there." you laugh. "whats this for?" you mumble, wrapping your arms around his waist as the two of you rocked slightly side to side. "im proud of you," he placed his chin on top of your head. "you tell me that all the time j," you laugh, however, you decide to stay in the hug for a while more.
"yeah, i know," he said softly, pulling away only slightly to face you. "but i want you to know i mean it, and thank you for keeping me by your side," he jokes, you laughing as he pulls you back into the embrace. after a short moment, you pull away. "thank you jj. love you." you smiled as he reciprocated, smiling down at you. "love you too, buddy." he kisses your forehead.
he nodded at the carpet, "go ahead, take some picture and let us know when you want us to join you." jj patted your shoulder, lightly pushing you towards the carpet where rafe was also approaching. you gave him a kind smile, glancing to where you previously were to see jj and kie, as well as pope and cleo smiling and cheering for you.
you laughed quietly as you and rafe wrapped an arm around eachother, taking a couple picture before some members from the rest of the cast, as well as john b and his co-director came over to also take pictures. after a couple more moments of posing for the cameras, john b gave you the all clear to call jj and the others over, so you did as he called sarah over. they all rushed up to you and rafe, hugging the both of you as a small greeting as if the nine of you hadn't greeted eachother before.
the nine of you got into random places, posing for pictures for some minutes. after a couple shots and different poses, everyone dispersed as you, john b and rafe moved on to the short interviews. your eyes first landed on a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties, anxiously holding a microphone. you smiled politely at her as you approached. "hi," you extender your hand out for a handshake, one which she nervously accepted.
"hi," she stuttered back. "sorry.. my first time doing an interview." she shrugged lightly, to which you nodded. "dont worry, i dont bite." you laughed. she sighed as you stood patiently, "wanna get started?" she asked as she held a flash card in her hand. "whenever you're ready, dont worry." you held a hand out, silently saying that it was her call.
she inhaled slowly, exhaling after a moment. "okay- this was your first journey in horror/mystery film compared to your breakout role in the comedy, castaways," she paused as if asking for your approval, to which you nodded. "how challenging was it to manage the intensity and dynamics between your character and rafe camerons compared to castaways?"
you furrowed your eyebrows with a smile, pointing a finger at her as you raised your head in thought. "good question," you spoke into the mic she had moved closer to your face. "well, it was way more different in this movie. i feel like on set, whether we were filming or not, you could feel the sort of– tension? if thats what it could be called." you paused, gathering your thoughts.
"but compared to castaways where the tone was light and carefree both on and off set, yeah it was definitely challenging. this film defenitely required a lot more focus and deep diving into my character, but i was lucky to have a good co-star whos been in projects like this before to help me when i struggled." you glanced at rafe, who was at the other side of the carpet, also engaged in an interview.
the interviewer nodded along as you answered her first question, then trasitioning to her next. "speaking of, what was the first major difference you feel that set in when transitioning from four co-stars to one main costar?" you nodded, raising your eyebrows with a slight surprised face. "whoever writes your questions needs a raise," you joked, erupting a laugh from the interviewer.
you paused for a moment as you thought about your answer, "but, the first major difference i felt was the change in atmosphere. i feel like with multiple costars, theres sort of a family mood that sets in compared to with one main costar." you paused. "with one, its much more intimate, but it also allows for more exploration into your characters and their stories to make sure you understand the complexity of the entire plot." you spoke into the microphone with a small smile, "but i think it also had to do with the type of project you're working on."
"okay, good answer." the woman complimented to which you smiled with a small nod of your head. "heres a simpler question. did you have a certain routine you followed to get into your character while on set?" you fixed your hair as you thought about how to answer the question while also reminiscing about your days on set.
finally, you shook your head. "i wouldnt say i did. if anything, i would have my headphones in, listening to my playlist while in hair and makeup. but, to be honest, the music wasnt the same vive as the movie" you laughed as the interviewer smiled at you.
she tilted her head, switching grips on her microphone. "any artists we would know?" you nodded with a small smile, "hopefully," you crossed your index and middle fingers with a small laugh. "a lot of frank ocean, the weeknd, brent faiyaz, bryson tiller... a bunch of that type of music. and of course my baby, maddy beer." you blew a kiss to the camera, letting out a soft smile after.
the interviewer smiled at you and nodded, bringing the mic back to her face. "well, i believe thats all for this interview. thank you and good luck on your next," the woman smiled politely. you reached your arms out to pull her into a hug, "you did good," you smile as you pull away. "thank you," she mouthed. you waved a small goodbye towards her before walking a couple feet away to your next interview.
finally, after the entensive amount of interviews, where the questions were repeated for the most part, you shook the hand of the last interviewer, who for some reason had a habit of looking down your body, you not succeeding in hiding the disgust on your face. you walked away from the line of interviewers, looking around to find literally anyone you knew.
"boo!" jj grasped your shoulders from behind, to which you jumped. "jesus," you held a hand to your chest. "dont–" you shoved his chest, "do that jj." you concluded with a small laugh as he shoved you back lightly. "howd it go?" he asked you as the two of you walked away to find your friends. "eh.. it went good. i liked the first girl. she was nervous but shes good at her job." you smiled as you waved at random fans or people from set.
you sighed as the two of you went behind the carpet, "d'know about the last guy tho, bit of a creep," you shrugged. jj nodded along at your words, hand on your mid back as you moved around people. "well, at least its over," he joked with a small laugh. you reciprocated, laughing as the two of you approached kiara. you smiled excitedly, wrapping your arms around her neck with a small squeal as the two of you rocked back and forth giddily.
"im gonna go find jb," you removed yourself from the hug with kiara, turning to jj. "might wanna wipe the lipstick off better next time," you motioned to his jawline with a teasing smile. jj rolled his eyes, wiping the back of his hand along his jawline. "you idiot," kie moved around you, smacking his hand off his face to help him wipe the lipstick off. "have fun," you quipped as you made your way around people to look for john b.
rafecameron
liked by sarahcam, youruser, popeh and 1.3 million others
rafecameron life.
user the scream i scrumpt
sarahcam the way u copied my caption and im not on here..🙄
user TWO pictures of her? on purpose? very rare.
user let me B A N G BABY.
youruser well someone did me wrong
user he has a kid?
➯ user yes
➯ user no thats sarah and jbs daughter
user THEE james bond?
jbr get a load of this bald specimen
➯ rafecameron thats it im shaving your hair off
➯ sarahcam please do.
➯ jbr hello?
user we got family drama going on guys!
barrylyman i get a feat? sick.
*liked by creator*
user the way shes FIRST? the arm? someone pinch me
user WHO took my clothes
popeh im insulted
➯ rafecameron you know i love you bae
user help hes so girl dad
user rafe! ass or tits?
➯ user BRO WHAT?? LMAO
➯ lmaowhatt hes an ass man for sure
user help y/n is so unproblematic.
your phone
sarahs phone
a/n: sigh. also, according to chat gpt barrys last name is lyman, it doesnt really fit him but im running with it. we all know hes practically married to rafe canonically so its okay. a/n pt.2: next post might be on christmas day because i want to spend time with my family and friends tomorrow and i hope you all do as well! a/n pt.3: i also wrote the interview questions and answers myslef. ill let you know i was very proud of myself😭
#lmaowhatt#obx#obx fic#obx fanfiction#obx x reader#outer banks#outerbanks smau#outerbanks fanfiction#outer banks imagine#outer banks fic#rafe cameron smau#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe smau#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron obx#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron social media au#drew starkey#rafe x you#rafe x reader#outer banks x reader#x reader
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My experiences with synastry
8th house synastry
By far, my favorite. Intense, transcendal, deep. It goes beyond the physical and mental, reaches straight into your soul. The sexual tension is palpable, and at the same time it feels like home.
( do note that i have pluto influencing my ic and moon so your and my idea of 'home' might be a bit different ♡ lmao )
Moon in 8th house:
- absolute favorite. the connection runs deep, if you let it. when you meet this person you will know pretty early on that the potentional for intense bonding is immense. for every person i met with this, after a while i look in their eyes and think 'we could absolutely ruin eachother in the best way possible'.
- the sexual tension breaches the physical and turns almost emotional. like, 'i want to fuck you so hard that you cry' type shit. of course, every 8th house connection has some kind of sexual electricity constantly present, but i've found that w this placement, it's .. profound.
- so far , i've only been the house person, and i've found that the way the moon person looks at me is like nothing i've seen before. i mean, the eye contact being intense is a given w any 8th overlay but w this one it's ... wow. it's a simultaneous pleading to 'come closer, enter my world, feel my essence' and a threat to 'stay away, you see to far into me, you know too much'.
- it's obsessive. on my side (house) at least. by obsessive i mean ... obsessive. one of them is a crush that i haven't been able to put out for a fucking year, even with no contact. in fact, funnily enough, when i thought i was totally over it, all it took was to see her again and make eye contact - immediately, i was thrown for a loop. we didn't even exchange words directly, it was a group setting .. but the eye contact was absolutely enough. crazy.
- as the house person, i feel like the moon person can feel that i see straight through them. another thing i've noticed is that the moon person usually seems a little intimidated/nervous around me, especially at first.
- the thing with this overlay is that it can get hard to take real action on the connection because it's anything but lighthearted. you can clearly tell that if you pursue it, it's gonna get deep and that can range from inconvenient to uncomfortable, or even scary for someone who's not used to 8th house/pluto/scorpio energy.
Lilith in 8th house
- the sexual tension. is. insane. i'm talking .. concerning. i've had this w a friend, a guy who's not my type in the slightest (and i dont really like guys in general, mind you), but there's this kind of ... sexual energy in the air. like, we're not gonna do anything about it, but it's there. and it's not even physical, for me at least - i dont find him attractive physically its just .. a compulsive feeling.
- now, when i have it w someone i actually find attractive, even a little bit, it gets scaled up to the extreme. the moment i see this person, i'm immediately attracted to them. instant. they don't even have to be my type, but if they are - my god, if they are ...
- i am usually lilith in this overlay, and i often find myself wanting to corrupt the house person, to pull them into my dark erotic world. this synastry really brings out my lilith energy even more.
- as lilith i love teasing the house person & i want to see them squirm. i wanna dominate them & see them fall apart beneath me (in the best way possible)
- this is very much a 'i can ruin them' type connection (not in a malicious way)
- i automatically feel confident around this person, no matter if i felt insecure the rest of the day; its like the house person awakens my dark feminine energy just w their presence (and thats a damn good feeling)
Sun & Mercury in 8th house
- honestly this ones interesting; if your connection is platonic, it wont add weird undertones, if its not , it will heighten the attraction significantly.
- it will be really easy and satisfying to talk about your secrets, your past, your traumas, your pain, as well as your kinks, sexual preferences & sexual experiences w this person.
- you will be able to tell this person the naked, blunt truth about them to their face, and vice versa, esp eith mercury in 8th overlay
sun conjunct lilith
- i was lilith and its .. fun. sun brings out my 'bad' side. the fun one.
- as lilith, i find sun really cute, and i try to figure them out, cause i feel like they arent really as naive & innocent as they seem to be.
- sun may be a little scared of lilith here. :)
pluto conjunct lilith
- i have yet to experience this but from what i've heard i love, love, love .
- think bonnie n clyde, mr and mrs smith. they can appreciate eachothers shadow and its very exciting
- hearsay says the sex is mindblowing but i cant confirm or deny
pluto conjunct ascendant
- my mothers pluto is conjunct my ascendant and she literally fucked me up royally soo be careful w this one yall
- pluto will try to control the ascendant and have power over them
- pluto tries to control ascendants behavior, appearance, mannerisms, social etiquett, even food intake sometimes
- i have never seen this be a healthy dynamic but i would love to be proven wrong
lilith square ascendant
every time a man's lilith squares my ascendant, an angel dies. i swear to fucking god, this synastry is a hot, headache-inducing mess.
now, ive only ever had this with men so take it w a grain of salt.
whenever a mans lilith squared my ascendant, the situation was the same:
he had a crush, and then there was .. me. he loved one girl, truly, but had an intense, weird, sexual obsession with me (that often scared him).
he was extremely attracted to me, but reluctant to admit it directly. wanted to 'tame' me, make me 'well-behaved'. we argued at least once within 24h of knowing eachother.
heavy sexual tension, but in a irritating, conflicting way. reallyy intense eye contact, but almost forbidden.
they all, at some point, iced me out in one way or another, deliberately avoided me, seemingly for no reason.
lilith in 7th house
this ones weird.
- we kinda have beef, but not really
- we either completely agree with eachother or utterly disagree
- mixed feelings
- switching between liking and disliking eachother
- sexual tension, but in an annoying way
#astrology#plutonian#astro placements#horoscope#lilith#astro observations#synastry#lilith synastry#pluto synastry#lilith square ascendant#8th house#8th house synastry
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Birthdays suck, I already spent it having fun and now I dont care about the rest
The fun being the way I spent 6 hours getting really close to fucking the stupid twink im in love with to the point of us rubbing eachother.
He left me with bite marks that I cant stop admiring, I got so close to licking him, he had me collared the whole time and it felt really nice and I almost cried in his arms
It was just so fucking nice, and yes I have big plans for the day (getting fucked up legally this time) but I just want to be in his arms again and nothing else really matters to me right now
#i love being switch4switch#ftm sub#ftm dom#ftm nsft#ftm ns/fw#ftm puppy#t4t puppy#t4t misgendering#t4t ns/fw#t4t nsft#ftm t4t
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barbara and gerald are so queerplatonic like just look at them they love eachother so much and have kids together and live together and eat cute lil lunches together that is a gay husband and his lesbian wife and they love eachother so much. like ugh <3
#if anybody knows of a good workwives fic with queerplatonic howards please let me know#wanna see them love eachother wholly and genuinely#barbara howard#gerald howard#ESPECIALLY WITH THEM BEING OLDER QUEERS TOO#and ESPECIALLY with them being religious older queers#like imagine loving who you werent supposed to and then finding a man that feels the exact same way and just ugh#u know how it goes#they marry out of convenience and have kids be theyre supposed to#but they just dont love eachother that way#they try for a really long time and it just doesnt work out that way#they knew it never would but they try#and theyre so used to eachother and do genuinely love eachother that#they decide its easier for everyone to simply live together#and then eventually after all that they become besties#gay married besties that have kids together <3#the howards <3#<- their queerplatonic ship name that imma use on here#abbott elementary
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I get a little crayz seeing this specific shot of Ivan...Ivan putting on a mask makes me crazy. It's the way his expression doesn't reach his eyes, the lack of sincerity in his smile.
But in the second image, he looks so annoyed he can barely care to school his expression and you can SEE the grimace in his eyes (EYE LINES!!!). There's such a stark difference in the persona he puts out there for people perceive him as vs how he naturally is gthybwsdgyc__(I need to see more of Ivan's natural expressions)
#i lol'd and then a serious'd#he'rds so me <- person who is still practicing in the river#alien stage#alnst#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#the images seemingly dont relaye to eachother but...hear me out here i still love the paralelll..#i need to see more of ivans resting face cauee woww#i wonder if the other characters. besides sua have ever witnessed these kinds of ivan faces have they ever thought twice?#“more observent people could tell there was something wrong with him” show me that kind of situation i beg...i want to see how ivan would-#react to getting called out like that. he's like a on and off switch because he thinks people prefer him that way#has there ever been a person who genuinely verbalized that he should just...be natural?#I WISH#when he looks serious i like him so much more....i relate and he just looks more like himself yk?
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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the new episodes have me brainrotting over them so hard omggggg,, gary and marshall my EVERYTHINGGG
this is just a doodle though ill do a normal thing with them when i have time
#adventure time#atimers#fionna and cake#marshall lee#prince gumball#gary prince#gumlee#MF CALLED GARY#LOVE HIM#THEY NEED TO GET OUT OF MY HEADDDD#this was just a doodle i dont have time to do a full thing#my art#my sketch#the way they blush at eachother this episode im going to EAT MY FOOT
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Them the married couple ever ragh
#c3po#droid husbands#droids#r2d2#r2d2 and c3po#r2d2 x c3po#i have a folder full of stuff for them and theres like 400 or more photos in it#they are literally married its crazy how some people dont see it#like 3po literally calls artoo my dear way to many times in the comics#there is no heterosexual explanation for this#actually like just screaming#me when two robots love and care for eachother RAGHGG
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Hi I have a desperate need for platonic soulmates stobin where she's sooo protective of Steve (and vice versa) and who he dates.
And like, her giving eddie the stink eye when he's a douche canoe (his attempt at flirting/getting over the munson doctrine).
Robin waking up in the middle of the night when steves sad and going over to comfort him. Eddie being able to help but doesn't soothe all of it and steve just needing robin. And like, steve getting out of bed with eddie when he feels robin needs him and eddie being sad but understanding and steve kissing him silly.
Steve having a locket or a watch or similar of both Robin and eddie on him 24/7. Of the fact that even though him and eddie aren't soul mates, they love eachother so fuckin intensely and desperately
And Steve's happy feelings about eddie transfer over and him and Robin being friends
#pls plsss#haunting me in the best way#just *chefs kiss*#platonic soulmates#platonic soulmates stobin#stobin#platonic stobin#platonic with a capital p#soulmates stobin#fully based off robins comment of just wanting to combine with steve and like. merge themselves into one person#steddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#steve x eddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#pls pls feel free to add headcannons i-#stranger things#st#like. dont get me wrong i love steddie soulmates and them having more tban one (like steve having dustin and robin too)#but i need this on a soul crushing level#where it's just robin and maybe eddie has one too? like chrissy or jeff or something like that#but where steve and eddie love eachother so so much and theyre not soulmates in the traditional term#and just#platonic stobin focus but also steddie#st4#stranger things s4#stranger things season 4
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i need to write vdm
#phase weeps#i need to write them beating the shit out of eachother and then fucking#young vdm were absolutely insane and i stand by that#yes they have their tender moments but i feel. atleast in how i perceive them that they never ever had they true acceptance of feelings#they were never lovers or husbands but they were partners and i think that they were in love in the way that people like them could be in#love. but i think theres a lot more potential to tem then the cut and clean “they are husbands��� narrative#i want vdm to be as ugly and rife as every other relationship in game#and i especially want to put emphasis on their inability to let go of the past and living in this “free and wild” world#and i think this dream of dutchs deeply affects how he views relationships#as just another gust of wind. just another sunset#just another desert flower#his romaticazition of being on the run. painting the blood on his hands as holy#the rough and tumblr hospitality of the american dream#is so deeply packed into who he is as a person that he cannot see beyond his own viewpoint#and dutch is a self centered man#his viewpoint is his world. because dutch is the sun. and everything revolves around him. and everything that gets drawn in burns up#eventually#and i think hoseas trick is that you never get that close#there is a longing to vandermatthews that speaks of a chasm between them. on the cusp of deep understanding yet skirting around it#they are life partners#and they hold each others hands through the darkest parts of their self made hell#but their is nothing romantic or holy about it#they are a visage of the american man and twisted american kindness. and they are people soldered parts of themselves together but the deep#parts are left to be seen and not touched. i just. theirs so much potential for tragedy in vandermatthews i dont think we're touching
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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary
"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.
Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.
One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.
Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.
The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.
Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?
A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.
But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.
As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.
The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.
Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.
"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.
"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.
But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.
"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.
"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."
Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.
"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?
Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...
"Hey, are you okay?"
The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.
"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.
But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?
The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.
The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.
"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"
"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.
The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.
It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.
Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.
Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"
Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.
"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"
"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.
"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.
"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."
"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.
While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.
"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.
The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.
The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.
A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.
That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.
The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.
Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.
It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.
It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.
Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?
The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.
"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.
Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.
Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.
He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.
Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.
A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.
It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.
Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.
Like a mouse to a snake.
This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.
The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?
Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.
His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.
A STARTLING RINGING;
Splits the moment,
Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,
As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.
Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.
"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"
Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.
Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"
Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.
"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.
Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .
As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.
The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.
"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.
"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."
The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.
"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."
"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.
He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.
#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED#I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh#THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON#but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl#ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway#yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him#what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B#okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or#misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect#LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!
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everyday got a noose around my neck because i will find the best koitsuki golden kamuy artist ever and then immediately see they also draw sugimoto x asripa. will the pain ever end
#I HATTTTTTTTTTTTEEE SUGIMOTO X ASRIPA#I DONT FW IT AT ALL#WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY#WHY DOES SUGIMOTO ONLY GET THE WORST FUCKING SHIPS#HE EITHER HAS TO EPSTEIN HIS ADOPTED DAUGHTER OR HATEFUCK A CAT#WHY.#im sorry i think ogata x sugimoto in canon is brainrot because they dont like eachother at all#it doesnt work bevause ogata doesnt like sugimoto and sugimoto doesnt like ogata#i fw ogata x sugimoto only if its the yaoi ogata that me and wiener made up#where like. its ogata in character but he was hugged by sugimoto in the deerskin instead#and because hes touchstarved and an insane person the feeling of oxytocin literally acts like heroin in his brain#so he comes out of it as a cocaine addict and is like i need to make sugimoto love me to get more heroin#and he doesnt love sugimoto he just is like that is the most efficient pathway for this#and along the way he slowly falls in love#but yeah basically he wakes up from that deerskin and suddenly hes a yandere#based off a fanfic i read#thats literally the only reason i can conceptualize ogata x sugimoto convieably working#but its that very specific circumstance. 1/10000000 million universes#in canon ogata x sugimoto fucking sucks bc obviously that didnt occur
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Yk what actually. I'm sick of staying quiet Conya is a perfectly fine ship. I don't understand why people dislike it so much. In early Ninjago? Sure, back then it wasn't the greatest dynamic and didn't really have much in terms of actually substantive interactions. But people are still casually hating on it and putting it on DNI lists right next to ships like Greenflame like they're comparable and I'm sickkkk of it it's been YEARS!! Their dynamic has grown so much since then!!!! They're on the same level as Braincell for me in terms of ships I really like I think they have a great and interesting dynamic!!!! They're cute together!!!!!! EVEN OUTSIDE OF MUDSHOCK!!!!! RAGHH!!!!!!!!!
#ninjago#conya#cole brookstone#nya smith#nya jiang#I will always personally prefer platonic Conya but their relationship is still so so important to me in a way thats very specific#to me being Aro. Like. Idk. It's not exactly QPR stuff bc I dont think they would ever label anything but that also means that I don't think#they would hate a romantic label either!!!!!! Raghhh!!!!!!!!!! They're friends above everything else though obviously 💯💯 theyve always#got eachothers backs#Also i do prefer Mudshock just because Conya doesn't make sense to me w/o Jay somehow in the mix unless there's some sort of messy breakup#involved. And. Jay would never really take that well and it would sort of just sour the whole group dynamic esp since Cole is Jays bestie#and ALL OF THAT just to get two characters together feels so shallow to me shdjsgd. Like. Idk. None of that crap is worth it the romance#isnt anywhere near necessary for the two. Their bond is unspoken and they're satisfied enough w/ what they are right now even if they could#be smthn else#I just dont like the 'Lets ruin/throw away all of our othe relationships for LOVE 😍😍!! Because for some reason romantic relationships are#automatically more important and deep and mean more to us than any other relationship so its totally worth it every time!!!' it feels so.#like. amatonormative. Yk?#anyways ill shutup now I LOVE THEM!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!#they make my aro heart really really happy ok. I dont know jow to explain it but i have another post abt them in the conya tag I think
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"Ivan isn't loved by anyone-" You were fooled by his warped perspective.
#now dont piss me off#/silly /maybe#betting on me and tills newborn he was loved#Ivan was loved just not in the way he wanted nor could fathom because of his circumstances. ivan has only ever known and seen romantic love#and by romantic love i mean an unhealthy kind. is the way mizisua love eachother unhealthy? mayb not but the way he took & he saw their#love and aimed to replicate it WAS unhealthy. and in any other case i dont think he understands any other kind of love. platonic. friendly#he can see it objectively. i believe. but#i dont think he gets it. thats why he thinks the way he does. he literally just doesnt understand so it doesnt exist and he doesnt acknowle#it#alien stage#alnst ivan#alien stage ivan#alnst#seeing what mizisua had. im sure he came to the conclusion that if he wasnt good enough to earn that kind of love. then what else is there?#hell ill say it. even Till loved him. not romantically of course. but the love was there. they are childhood friends. he is THE closest to#-Till FOR A REASON. even Ivan knows it. a little. maybe. But if only he gave it a chance when he could.
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i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.
#of course homura doesnt care anymore because she cant go back she can only go forward cuz if she gives up she killed madoka for nothing#she could have left her pass away with dignity but now shes a ghost stuck in a web of time and the only thing she can do is keep trying#to save her#i feel like inately homura knows this but she doesnt want to admit to herself thats shes the real one who killed madoka kaname#this is a very charitable reading of homura#homura died too but its a clear moment because homura is our narrator#homura akemi will never come back madoka kaname will never come back#but life goes on anyway for homura#heres my truth#i loved rebellion but im actually a bigger fan of the original anime's ending so im glad it seems like red ribbon homu is coming back#i thought that ending was a lot more hopeful and beautiful and rebellion was kind of a downer but i always accepted they were parallel#and seems im right based on posters#for walpurgis#madoka uses one of my favorite literary devices which is the underuse of a character#i dont know whats it called but i love it when they dont outright develop a character usually to signal an upholding of the status quo#i already explained how madoka is not shown as a character but they do this in princess tutu too with mytho#mytho is a character from a book hes not real in the way that the others are and therefore cant actually change like the others can#hes always the focus of others and never the one thinking of others#i mean yeah he spends like the whole anime thinking about tutu but thats PART of his book its not him as a person#anyway ive been talking too much but i wanna bring up my favorite subtle use of this in takopi's original sin#the boy#idk his name rn lmao#hes straight up not present for the bulk of the manga and hes legit just absent from the ending scene despite being one point of a triangle#at first that weirded me out like??? he doesnt get closure???#but the reason was he didnt need it#the focus and moral is that those girls were 'weird' unable to be normal (because of trauma) and their closure was theyre at least together#but he doesnt need that because hes already normal hes the status quo a benchmark for the reader for the reader to judge the characters off#and the characters to judge eachother off of#anyway anyway sorry this has been so long#i had to get all of that out of me
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Ngl i kinda miss na/lu sometimes but everytime I look at art of them i get extremely pissed off because its a habit from my hater days
#''My god this art is STUNNING!!!!'' [Seething in rage]#Its not even just na/lu this goes for a ton of other ships#Like i like or even love the ships in concept but because of the way the fandoms treat them i start pavlov-ing myself#bc all i can think of when i see that ship is just “Wow people care more about these 2 than anything else the story has to offer''#or ''Jesus christ did we even watch the same thing''#sometimes both. No its usually both.#And the exaggeration of their ''Romantic Interests in Eachother'' + assumption that everyone likes them#srry i just thought about them for a sec and then went back to the pavloving girl im never breaking out of this mindset#nillas#vanili powder#YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I CAN NEVERRR ENJOY ANYTHING
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