#but they are also torturing me the audience by making me watch everything else

[carcarrot]

watching 10th kingdom is not for the faint of heart

[autisticandroids]

FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.

[youtube with closed captions]

dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.

(via @closetoyou1970)

[ordinaryschmuck]

With Gooseworx all but confirming that the Jax being an AI thing is bullshit, I personally want to talk about an interesting part about Jax that a lot of theorists used as "evidence" that validates the theory:

Jax's fourth wall breaks are a common topic brought up amongst the "Jax is an NPC" theory. After all, Caine broke the fourth wall in the pilot, knowing full well that the world of The Amazing Digital Circus isn't real and is talking to some unseen viewer as he introduces the Circus Crew.

There's also this bit of official art surrounding Jax's pin:

Where everyone else is inside their room, Jax is outside as pieces of the circus fall apart around him and all of reality to crash. Certainly lends itself to this idea that Jax knows he's not a real person and that his presence could cause great disruption to this world. And he doesn't care because none of it is real. Might as well have fun and cause chaos in a world that doesn't exist.

And I'll admit, all of this seems like valid claims for how the theory could be true. I saw it all and thought that it surely COULD be possible...but there are some things that stop me from being convinced.

Firstly, Caine breaking the fourth wall in the pilot doesn't really seem like an AI talking to the audience. It looks more like an AI programmed to talk to a player as a game boots up. What we saw in the opening could be more like a morning routine that he has to do at least once a day. Plus, we've yet to see any other NPC talk to the audience like Jax has. He explicitly called out the viewers in episode three, knowing full well he's being watched by SOMEONE. Or, at the very least, acting like he is. What do I mean by that? Well, to explain, I'd like to use one of my favorite fourth wall breakers as an example:

Deadpool, in most adaptations, knows fully well that he's a fictional character. He'll talk to the readers/viewers, move the camera around, and constantly talk shit to the writers/studio for occasionally screwing him over. It's all in good (Sometimes bloody) fun...but there's a canonical reason for this. It's not like She-Hulk where the fourth wall breaks are a way to tell HER stories HER way. You see, Deadpool...is just fucking insane.

No, really, that's the reason. Due to the trauma of gaining his powers, Deadpool's mind breaks and he's led to believe that he MUST be a fictional character. In comics, he actually gets voices in his head that makes him think he must be some comic book superhero, and the movies implied that something similar happened given how he never broke the fourth wall ONCE before getting his powers. This means him breaking the fourth wall could be seen as a coping mechanism. After all, it's better to believe you're a fictional character designed to entertain some invisible audience than believe that all of the shitty things that happened to you and people close to you is just a cruel joke from the universe.

Sound familiar?

Going back to the pilot, remember how Pomni's first instinct was to say that the Circus was all just a dream? To her, it's better to live in a lie that everything around her isn't real than to accept the reality that she's stuck in digital purgatory. Jax very well could be going through something similar, but unlike Pomni who seemed to just accept her reality, Jax never did. The trauma of being stuck in the Circus had led to his mind breaking just like Pomni's, Kinger's, and anyone else's. It's just that, for him, he thinks he's coping with it better because he discovered the secret that no one else did: None of this is real.

They're not actually people trapped in some hellscape while an AI unintentionally tortures them. They're all just fictional characters whose tragedies and silly antics are used to entertain viewers. I mean, it's either that or they're real people forever trapped in the circus with the closest thing to death being a full, psychotic break as they give up their sanity because they no longer want to exist in this hell anymore...But that possibly can't be true. Because if that IS true, then Jax has to face that he's a real person stuck in a real, awful situation that he can't joke his way out of. So, it's best to think nothing is real and nothing they do matter. So, might as well have fun with it.

Going back to the pin...

I don't think this is damning evidence about Jax being an NPC. Actually, it perfectly captures who he is as a character. He knows the circus isn't real. He even thinks HE isn't real. So instead of grappling with that, Jax lets himself believe that if nothing is real than nothing he does matters. He can break things, ruin lives, and assist in torturing the others in the circus. It's what he thinks will make the show more entertaining, even though all he's really entertaining is himself so his mind doesn't break more than it does.

Now, could the same apply if he's an NPC? Well...maybe. Gumigoo definitely proves how far someone could fall when they're told their world is fake. He was about ready to give up on life because he didn't think he had one. If Jax was an NPC, I could see him having a similar break, but going in the far opposite direction where, instead of giving up on life, he chooses to live the way HE wants it. Instead of being some one-off NPC for a lame adventure, he could go off on adventures of his own and ruin the lives of others now that his is thoroughly ruined.

However, Gooseworx makes a good point: "...a lot of people come up with theories based on how unexpected they'd be, and not because they make sense or align with the show's themes."

If Jax is an NPC, it would harm the overall message of the show. That there's meaning to be found in a stagnant life, and you find that meaning with people close to you who make that life worth living. Jax represents a sort of foil to that idea, with his way of coping with the madness being pure chaos and breaking others. It's his coping mechanism, and it works because it shows how human Jax really is. They're ALL human and they have human desires and wants, with the Circus pretty much stripping that away and leaving them...as they are now. They're emotionally broken, their sanity is decreasing, and some of them are losing all sense of self. By making Jax an NPC, it would definitely be surprising, but it would take away from that idea. It no longer makes him a human facing his own tragedy but instead an AI that's just as broken as Gummigoo. More than that, it gives the others an easy out. All the crew has to do is tell Caine that Jax is an NPC and POOF! No more annoyance. So making him someone who HAS to stay with the others and they're forever forced to deal with him also adds more to THEIR tragedy and torture.

Jax being an NPC is an interesting theory, but I don't think it's one that SHOULD be true. To me, it's more fascinating watching Jax treat the world around him as meaningless knowing he's a human instead of a rogue NPC breaking everything. And Gooseworx made it clear how they feel about it. Now, could it potentially be a mislead to get fans off the trail? Genuinely...I don't think so. That sounded very "I don't like this idea so it's not gonna happen" type of response. Still, we won't know until the show wraps up. Anything can happen, but don't get your hopes up if a character who does bad things to people that don't deserve it is more human than you think.

[moonspirit]

Do you think Levi hates Annie?

Hello anon!

Haha tho, no, Levi doesn't hate Annie. I don't think Levi hates anybody really. (Zeke is another can of worms, let's not go there rn)

First off, what I understand about Levi is that he's a deeply empathetic person. He holds a LOT of compassion and places a lot of value on human life (e.g: he isn't happy to learn that titans were all once humans). At the same time, Levi is someone who recognises that sometimes, it's necessary to make choices that can be violent and ruthless (one e.g: him torturing Sannes; he doesn't enjoy it but it came to that and had to be done). These are two personality traits that can actually coexist.

Coming to Annie. Much of the animosity towards her back when S1 aired was because 1. We didn't know everything about her, and 2. She killed Levi's elite Squad in a particularly violent fashion. She did kill Levi's Squad, and he was enraged, this much is painfully clear, I think. There's no denying he was furious seeing the talented people he worked with all dead in seconds.

But while I believe Levi is an emotional person who takes the deaths of his comrades very seriously, he is faaaaaarr from being vengeful. Remorse, regret, sorrow, and despair, these are things he feels, yes, but irrationally? just for the sake of being angry? No.

When we see the RBA "attacking" Paradis and trying to kidnap Eren multiple times, we (the audience) don't see them as children - we see them as young adults committing unspeakable acts of violence against an innocent population (this is exacerbated by the fact that Reiner is older than the others).

But they are mere KIDS to Levi, who's much older. He isn't stupid. He sees these kids, turning into titans and trying to kill them, and wonders why. Why are these children acting this way?

Also, try to look at it like this and see if it makes sense to you: Once the Scouts reached the basement and discovered the truth of the world, learned of the Eldian race, the Titan powers, Marley's existence, of Liberio within it, of the Warrior programme and how those human war weapons are all just children of 8 and 9 and 10, brainwashed with propaganda and bred to be nothing but tools and monsters - they understood. The Scouts understood before anybody else did, that the world was unfair on both sides of the wall.

Levi too, understood. He watched Annie kill his squad, and he understood at some point in time during the 4 year timeskip, that she was a child when she did what she did, and she had no choice but to do it.

While Levi doesn't express his emotions well, he doesn't dislike someone for the sake of disliking. He's blunt, he's foul mouthed, he's brutally honest and says what's on his mind... But him not openly talking to someone or showing care for them does not mean he hates them.

In fact none of the Warriors wanted to do any of the things they did, they committed those irreversible acts of murder and violence simply because they wanted to go back home. And maybe Paradis was the first place where they experienced some kind of friendship and equality, but it was still the target of their mission, a place they couldn't stay in. They still wanted to go back home to Liberio, back to the people they called family.

Annie, to the family she called her father.

A person as compassionate as Levi doesn't hate Annie, because he knows she did what she had to do when she was just a guilt-ridden teenage kid, even if that came at the cost of losing his friends.

Tell me also: Who in the Alliance hasn't lost their loved ones at the hands of another?

Around that fire with Hange, they've all killed someone dear to the other.

[loveandlegacy]

i joke a lot but one of the reasons singed is among my favorite characters is how just like unremarkably fucked up he is. like silco is a good villain in the theatrical sense. he's fun to watch, he has more monologues than anyone else in the series making him some kind of weird overwrought shakespearean guy, he delivers all his grievances eloquently but the kind of core thing about him is that he is still supposed to be kind of familiar or at least intelligible in his general behavior. he's petty, he has ambition, he has a weird chip on his shoulder etc — we've all been there, but he's a magnetic character because he's written to be very bombastic. who doesn't love to see the kind of odious theater of their shittiest self performed by a guy who's watchable. see: that one anne carson line about actors and sacrifice.

it's always easy to like that kind of guy. it's fun to imagine that if you have to suck at least you'd be compelling in how much you suck instead of just being kind of unspecial and pathetic. you could suck on the grand scale of television drama. that's zesty. i do sincerely understand why people dig it.

but idk i just like that singed is so weird and amoral on first scan. like he seems kind of alien except that he was written by human beings and his writing is generally within the scope of human experience so we the audience have to sit with the fact that actually he might not be so alien really. actually maybe the ugliest and most odious parts of ourselves are just selfish and cruel weirdos that no one really likes or wants to be around. he's kind of a horrorshow, right? like everything in the text tells us marcus sucks but even marcus has a daughter who loves him at least for the duration of the time that her life intersects with his. as far as we know singed has a now-dead or at least not-with-him daughter (what happened to her) and then he scared off a sort of proxy-son and lives alone in a cave torturing kids and animals and his only connection to the past literally canonically is the undead.

and like i don't think the big point here is something like "oh singed is actually so tragic because he's lonely and sad uwu" — i hope that the grand reveal about orianna isn't something really bland like 'he was a good father once and then he became Evil when he couldn't cope with the loss of his daughter'. my point is that the scariest and worst things in human beings are just there. in human beings. and sometimes those human beings are also fathers and teachers and doctors just kind of hovering in the shadows and you really really don't want to be like them but also it's like fundamentally upsetting to acknowledge people like them or to think about people like them as being within the realm of all possible configurations for a human being so you just say 'well that's a monster' but actually the thing that's way worse than a monster is just. a guy. because who's to say you couldn't also be that guy.

if silco is the villain everyone wishes they could be, singed is the intrusive thought that makes you wish you could lobotomize yourself for thinking at all ever. you see the difference???? do you get me????????

[n0v4t33z]

The Piece Of Eight - Chapter of Eledonia

Pairings: Capt. Hongjoong X Female Reader , Crewmate San x Female Reader (Overall not chapter specific)

Genre: Pirate AU, Romance, historical-ish, Action, Angst, Non-Idol AU

Word Count: 10.6k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Violence, Language, mentions of blood and gore, Highly Suggestive at times (This is a warning for the whole story overall)

Chapter specific: y/n uses her sword on Matz, y/n protects Matz from a fellow villager and cuts him a bit in the process, y/n remembers her traumatic past, Seonghwa mentions Hongjoong's past (Overall nothing too bad right now honestly)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist ⚓ | Masterlist 🏴‍☠️

Author's Note💌: Hi! This is one of my newer works and I hope whoever reads this enjoys it! I've worked very hard on this and tbh i've been working on this when I'm not writing for TS (which is alot because I'm stuck as of rn) Also I guess I'll say this right now but this story will have alot of blood and violence in the future chapters and in some instances flashbacks from MC's tragic past which will get VERY dark. I am aware not alot of people like that so before any of it starts I will warn you in future chapters of any trigger warnings. Anyway, please enjoy and don't be shy to leave me your comments or thoughts! (please be kind!) 🌙

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For as long as I can remember I’ve always been poor, not that it’s bothered me. If anything it has made me very resourceful and grateful for the little things I have in life, but it definitely would have been nice if we at least had something under our name because maybe then being prisoners for years wouldn’t have been an option. 

Then again everything that happened was against Eledonia's wishes so of course, that of being a prisoner was long ago from when I was 4 years old until I was about 13 so having to endure and watch all those years of people getting abused and tortured again and again on the daily definitely takes a toll on you. Lucky for me I put that anger I had in learning how to protect myself and my family.

 For a while my family was against it because according to them I should be focusing on something else that won’t risk me getting hurt, like being a good housewife. The way I think though is if I didn’t at least know the basics of training we’d suffer again like before and when the Saitors left our country that’s when it began.

 Now my grandpa, a retired soldier of our nation Eledonia has been training me for a few years now. He’s taught me everything I know about weapons and self defense. For the most part I train by myself by the shore near where our village is so I can hear the calming waves and stay watch in case any ship is nearby. Which is what I'm on my way to do this morning.

"Make sure not to stay too late over there, I need you to help me take these beans over to the market to see how much we can get for them" I nod "Sure, I'll be back later Mom!" I walk outside as the early morning sun slightly obstructs my vision causing me to slightly squint trying to get used to the brightness.

 While I walk down the trail I take in the beauty of the forest and see how much the flowers and leaves on the trees have bloomed since spring began, everything was so lush and green. As soon as I’m hit with the smell of the salty sea it’s my queue that I’ve arrived at my destination with no need to look over at the sea for confirmation which unknowingly at the time I’ll seemingly regret.

 I begin my training as per usual until a few hours pass by and I begin to hear shouting in the distance and splashes in the water almost like a ship was being docked. I run towards the edge of the shore and realize a man was watching me with his spyglass.

I couldn't make out his features but panicking now knowing how long he’d been watching me I start sprinting back home with adrenaline coursing through my veins. It takes me less than 5 minutes to arrive at my village's territory before I begin to yell in panic “A ship is docking!! They’re pirates!”

The villagers look at each other in confusion and panic until I spot the chief. I run as fast my legs could take me but my legs feels weak from the Imminent fear. At this point I don't know how I'm still standing.

 “Chief there are pirates docking their ship right now!! Please anyone! One of them looked right at me, they know there are people here now! ”

 Immediately the Chief rings a bell 3 times then walks over to me gently placing his hand on my shoulder “Thank you for telling me Metztli, run to gather your family and we’ll all head over to the underground cave.”

 I obediently nod and hurriedly run home and notice my mom feeding my little brothers  while my father and grandfather were having some sort of conversation then while still slightly out of breath I say “There’s a ship docking right now and it’s a pirate ship, we have to go..” 

Everyone freezes for a moment then my grandfather lets out a sigh and gets up “Let’s go. Leave everything as it is.” My parents begin packing a few things meanwhile I grab a few of my books and some of my clothes enough for a few days. 

When we arrive at the underground cave I notice the whole clan was there, of course our clan wasn’t very big but to see everyone gathered up there was shocking to see how many people were scared of the same thing happening all over again. Of course I don’t blame them, it was a time none of us want to remember. 

The inside of the bunker of the cave was far from fancy, it was basically a hole in the ground with a few torches on the walls for light and a few scattered bonfires for warmth and cooking, everything else was just rock.

 After a week in the bunker we all grew impatient and very hungry so the chief sent a few people out at dawn to see if the boat was gone, when the men came back they alerted the chief the boat was gone from where it was docked marking it safe for us to return back to our homes.

That very same day after returning home my mother sends me off to the market to buy a few necessities we ran out of while in the underground bunker. When I arrived at the market I realized I had a smile on my face, it was nice seeing everyone going back to normal. It was definitely a close call, it still doesn’t sit right with me how one of the people in that ship saw me. 

Luckily they’re long gone by now so I shouldn’t think about it too much. I walk over to a vegetable stand with a small old lady running it “Oh hi sweetie, how are you? What would you like today?” I smile and hand her the crescents along with the reusable grocery bag  “It’ll be the usual Rosalia.”

 She smiles and begins to load up the bag with vegetables “Aren’t you glad that ship was false alarm? I don’t think my old self could handle another invasion again honestly.” I nod “Another one would be a curse that was so scary, my heart almost jumped out of my throat when I saw them.”

 She hands me the grocery bag and says “Luckily it wasn’t anything to worry about sweetheart. Alright, be safe and go ahead and let your mother know I said hi.” I nod and wave goodbye and head over to the next vendor to buy my grandfather’s favorite snack, coconut candy.

 Although I really dislike the weirdly textured candy my grandpa seems to enjoy it and honestly that’s okay as long as he’s happy.

“Oh hi y/n what brings you here today?” I set bag of vegetables on the floor and dig into my pocket for money “Oh I’ll just have one coconut candy today for my grandpa” He grabs the candy and hands it over to me “One crescent”

 I nod and hand him the money and begin to walk away “y/n, wait up!” Causing me to halt in my steps and turn that’s when he wraps a small piece of cake and puts it in a small box and hands it over to me “It’s not much but it’s a small thanks for alerting the chief about the ship earlier this week” 

I reach over for the box with a “Oh wow thank you so much Armando, you have no idea how grateful i am for this.” I bow my head slightly and he does the same “Goodbye y/n take care!” I smile and wave goodbye and begin to walk towards the entrance of the market that’s when I see two young men around my age wearing unfamiliar attire.

 The shorter one’s hair was an unnatural shade of blonde with his hair being short in the front but long in the back, a small braid adorning his hair. His dark eyes are rimmed to resemble smoky soot stained eyes giving him a very intense look, he wore a simple cross chain around his neck and a single silver earring on his right ear, and wore a black odd looking cape thing and under it he wore a simple black long sleeve, on his left arm there was a black band of some sort that had an hourglass shape with a circle in the middle and 4 phases of the moon surrounding it. 

He also wore some sort of black pants accentuating his small figure. For the one standing next to him which was the taller one, his hair was jet black, and wore very similar style clothing only this one opted for a white colored long sleeve shirt and a grey colored vest over it to accentuate his small waist with the same sort of odd black cape thing over his shoulders.

 His pants being the same ones as the short one just iike their boots. One thing that stuck out is the tall one had a visible weapon on his back, a shot gun.

Fuck. Pirates. The shorter one leans over to tell the taller one something and that’s when the taller one begins walking in my direction. I have no weapons on me, I have to go. I drop my stuff and make a run for it into the forest. 

While I run I hear the man call out to me in the distance but unfortunately my fear is not letting me decipher what he was saying. I begin to run in the direction of the river by the water fall but take the alternate lesser known route.

 When I make it to the river I hide behind the waterfall that’s when I hear the tall man call out to me “Hello? I promise we won’t hurt you. We just want to talk.” I scoff almost laughing at his words. Not hurt me? Then why was he hoisting around a fucking shot gun on his back? 

I decide to stay quiet while he continued to try and lure me out then a few minutes later the shorter man with the arm band joins him at the side of the river and he joins him with the same words the other was protesting saying that they will not hurt me which is honestly hard to believe as I can now see the shorter one has weapons too. 

Suddenly the shorter one begins to speak my language “Hello, I will not hurt you. I want to talk.” I sigh realizing they know I’m here then I nervously say “How do I know that? The tall one and you have weapons.”

Both the shorter and taller man look at each other in surprise not expecting me to answer them back that’s when without hesitation the shorter man unholsters his gun and throws it in the river along with the sword that was perfectly hidden under his long cape thing. The tall one removes the gun from his back and throws it in the river the and shorter one continues “I am sorry. Can you come out?”

 Hesitantly I step out from behind the waterfall and I pick up a few rocks and throw them in their direction causing them to step back giving me enough room to grab the sword they threw into the river. “What do you want?”

 I point the sword at both of them causing them to both have their hands raised in mercy then the shorter one says “Alliance.

” I furrow my eyebrows “I’m confused, I’m poor. I have no influence.” He nods understandably “You have strength, I saw you training by the water when we first met 7 days ago” Suddenly it dawns on me this man was the same man watching me train through his spy glass by the shore.

 Unable to form any words out of shock I stay silent and the man continues “My name is Hongjoong, next to me is Seonghwa what about you?” Hesitantly I look around and study their expressions, they seemed genuine but a part of me is too scared to trust them “y/n.” 

I cannot tell them my real name, it’s way too dangerous. Hongjoong blinks a few times then says “You speak the universal language?” I nod “Yeah.” He sighs in relief “I’m sorry but that’s good because I was running out of Eledonian. I’m sorry If I was really bad at it I only know enough to get by.”

 I stay quiet for a few seconds then I muster the courage to say “Where did you dock? I swear your ship was gone when we checked this morning.” 

Hongjoong looks at the waterfall behind me then back at me “Ah, yeah we docked further down where our boat is hidden from other incoming boats.” 

I squint my eyes and press the tip of the sword right where his heart is “You better not be lying, if you try anything I will personally be the one to kill you.”

Hongjoong smirks and gently pushes the sword away from his chest “No worries, I wasn’t planning on it. Like I said, I want an alliance.” I narrow my eyes “Why are you asking me?” 

He steps away from me and looks over at Seonghwa and nods. Immediately Seonghwa hits my hand causing me to drop the sword and grabs my hand and twists it behind my back but I lean forwards making him weaken his grip on my arm and slightly lose his balance. 

I take that as an opportunity to kick him behind the knees and pick up the sword where I tightly press the blade against his neck while I stand behind him. Hongjoong slowly claps while walking back towards me smirking “I’m asking because I want you to be my protector. I knew it when I first saw you training by the shore. Fluid like water and precise like a bullet.” 

Nobody’s ever referred to me like that. He sure does know how to compliment people, I’ll give him that.

 I press the blade a little harder on Seonghwa’s neck causing him to quietly hiss “I’m sorry but I barely even know you. I cannot just leave my family for a bunch of pirates I don’t even know. There is only one person who I’m going to kill and his name is Miyagawa Masaki. Killing another human isn’t in my book unless they’ve hurt me or my family in any way.”

Hongjoong’s features soften dropping the plotting smirk and extends his hand in my direction “Alright, let’s get to know each other then because what if I tell you there’s hundreds like him? Ruining the lives of the poor and defenseless? Killing innocent people and eliminating hundreds of bloodlines. Would that change your mind?” 

I glance down at Seonghwa who was stiffly leaning away from my sword his head gently resting against my stomach, he gives a scared but genuine nod of reassurance of Hongjoong’s words.

  For a few seconds Hongjoong and I’s gazes mutually connect, something in his gaze tells me maybe I should trust him. I mean I can easily overpower either of them if anything goes wrong.

 I remove the blade from Seonghwa’s neck and push him towards Hongjoong causing him to fall on his hands and knees “Get out of here before I regret not killing you.” 

Seonghwa gets up then gently puts his hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder “I don’t think she’s coming Captain.” Hongjoong turns to Seonghwa and gives him a smirk and proceeds to walk in my direction and chuckles “I’m sorry for that y/n I just really wanted to see you in action up close. I really didn’t mean for that to be a personal attack.”

 I roll my eyes “How am I supposed to trust you if you literally attacked me. If anything you’re making me not want anything to do with you.” He smiles and says “Ah, so you were considering it at some point then?”

 I cross my arms and look at the ground “Perhaps..” Hongjoong pushes a strand of hair behind my ear completely catching me off guard by this gesture “What if I told you that if you come with me you wouldn’t have to worry about anything, I’ll pay for it. I’ll pay for food and supplies for your village, for protection, and I’ll even add money so that your family doesn’t have to worry while you’re away.”

I blankly look down then back at him and almost silently I say “I don’t know.” Seonghwa hesitates for a second but then gently pats my back “You don’t have to decide right now, it’s okay.” 

Hongjoong gently pats my arm “How about I treat you for lunch then we’ll come back to how you feel about me.” I nod “Yeah sure, but I’m keeping your weapons.”

 Without turning my back on them I carefully step back and step back into to the river while keeping my eyes on both men and pick up the shotgun and pistol. “I’ll give these back if I approve.

 Also, just for that little stunt you played before we go you have to help me with the groceries I was carrying.” They both nod and we head back to the market then I point at the groceries on the ground with my sword “Go get my stuff pirate boys.”

 Both men walk over and pick everything up then Seonghwa says “Where to?” I walk in between them and begin walking back to my home. 

After a bit of walking In silence I finally muster enough guts to break the ice "So uh why exactly are you guys here in Eledonia?" Seonghwa answers ”Supplies honestly, we were running out of a few things but of course the Captain saw you training and he wanted to meet you so we kinda gave the supplies duty to the rest of the crew while we looked for you."

 I quietly hum “So how many other crew members are there?” Hongjoong answers almost on queue “There’s eight of us in total who are in charge of overseeing the main duties so the other six are doing the supplies duty. The rest are sailors who help us run the ship.” 

The more welk the more I notice we’re now in my village's territory then In a low voice I say “By the way please don’t act scary, we’re in my village’s territory now.” They both make reassuring hums and as we walk to my house the rest of the villagers stare at us, their gazes burning into my skin. I’m sure they’re probably wondering why I’m even with people like this. 

Out of seemingly nowhere I see a fellow villager walking towards us with a weapon in hand “Get away from them Metztli!” I extend both my arms in front of Hongjoong and Seonghwa causing them to abruptly stop “Acatl there’s no need! They won’t hurt us!”

 He walks over towards me and pulls me aside and swings his weapon at both males “Like hell they are..”

I unsheathe my sword and step in front of him fully stopping the weapon from hitting either of them “You are not going to hurt them. We are not in danger.”

 Acatl clenches the hilt of the weapon “They are not who they say they are, they are not good people. All pirates are just as bad as those stupid silver spooned goons, all they do is lie to get what they want.” 

I turn to Hongjoong and Seonghwa and under my breath I utter  “Stay back.” and lock my gaze into Acatl’s “Stop being ignorant, just because we were hurt by some soulless bastards doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.” 

I push his weapon back slightly just enough for me to be able to swing my sword at him and graze his arm then take another quick swing at his hand causing him to drop his weapon and clutch his bleeding hand on his knees.

 “How could you protect these men?! And betray your own people like this?!” I point my sword at him to stay down “I protect those who deserve to be protected and right now they needed my protection, if they were to ever betray my trust they shall have the same fate as my enemy.”

 He slowly gets up clutching his hand “You are wrong for this, you are wrong for going against our village.” I smirk sheathing my sword and dusting myself off “I didn’t go against my people, I simply made peace where there would have been unnecessary deaths.”

As Acatl was about to say something the chief walks up to us with anger tinged in his voice “What is going on here?”  before I’m able to explain anything I hear my mom yell at me from a distance with the rest of my family following after her and with surprise and utter fear on her features.

 “Who are these men Metztli?! Why are they here?!” before I can explain anything my father and grandfather come up next to my mother to try and calm her down  “What’s going on?” 

“I can explain. These men are not evil, they just came here to buy some supplies for their ship and they happened to see me struggling with the groceries so they’re helping me. Then this idiot Acatl starts attacking us and so I just prevented unnecessary deaths.” 

The chief crosses his arms in front of him still clearly upset “Metztli just because someone does a nice thing for you doesn’t mean they are good.”

 My dad gives Hongjoong and Seonghwa a glare “You know better than to lead strangers to the village. You can never trust these punks, especially men.”

 I nod “I understand but they’re not bad people father. They were just helping me.” My grandfather gives me a stern look “What did I tell you about trust Metztli? Trust only yourself, no one else.”

I turn and I signal both men to set the things down “They’re just now leaving don’t worry.” I begin to gently push them the other way then Hongjoong turns and says “I want her to come with us. I want her to protect me.”

 I look at him in horror and shake my head he looks into my eyes for a few moments, smirks and continues “If she comes with us I will pay for the supplies in your village and I’ll pay a militia to protect and alert us in case anything ever happens. I’ll also throw in some money so the village can be renovated since I see the places being inhabited are severely run down and you know for whatever else you need the money.”

 Hongjoong looks down at my little brothers standing behind my mother and gives them a soft smile “I promise the rest of our crew will not let anything happen to your daughter. I’m just putting this out there, there doesn’t need to be an answer right now since y/n herself isn’t entirely sure either.”

 Hongjoong gives me a small smile and pats my head while Seonghwa  gives me a reassuring nod “Well, we will go now.” Hongjoong adds then my grandfather responds “Come again tomorrow, but lunch is on you guys.” 

Slightly taken aback both men nod and smile. Hongjoong then says “We will return tomorrow, it’s a promise.”

The chief looks over at my grandfather and says “Are you sure about this? Welcoming strangers like this?” My grandfather watches the 2 pirates walk away while everyone else watches him in silence “Their proposition was interesting don’t you think chief? We’ll benefit out of this.”

 The Chief gives no response to my grandfather for a few seconds then looks over at Actatl holding onto his bloodied hand then back at me “I cannot get past just blindly trusting people we’ve never met before, it’s off putting not just for me but for the rest of the village.”

 My grandfather nods then turns and gives me a smile “We have my granddaughter if anything happens. She will protect her village at any cost no matter who it is. After all, It was I who trained her or what? Are you doubting my granddaughter’s prowess?”

 The chief stays silent then I give him a reassuring smile, like an indication that this situation was over everyone begins to head back to their homes including the chief. Acatl is the only one who stays behind and stares at me for a few seconds “If something happens this is your fault.” 

He walks away and I bite the inside of my mouth to hold back from further saying anything that’ll cause him to come back. To be truthful I am scared they may earn my trust then betray me but on the other hand I want to believe that nothing will happen and that they are genuinely good people.

The next day while taking a short break during training I hear the leaves rustling from behind and to my surprise it was Hongjoong and Seonghwa again. I’m pleasantly surprised they showed up, you’d think after what transpired yesterday they’d leave but I guess they aren’t weak hearted. 

“Hongjoong? Seonghwa? What are you guys doing here?” The blonde man extends his hand towards me and helps me up.

“I’m here because I want to thank you for yesterday.” I shake my head “Oh no sir I-” Hongjoong lifts his hand to silence me and says “You protected me and my first mate and I really appreciate that especially considering you had no obligation to do so. You could have easily let him kill the both of us but you didn’t.” 

He’s right, I didn’t need to save him. I could have let him fight his own fights but for some reason it’s like my body acted on its own. Seonghwa gives me a warm smile “For that we would like to ask you if you would like to be our friend. Our connection to Eledonia.” A connection? Me? Out of all the nobles or more important people here in Eledonia they ask me?

"I would be happy to be your friend." Hongjoong gives me a relieved smile “Well, that settles it. We are friends.” Seonghwa stands next to me and rests his elbow on my shoulders.

 "Okay, well maybe now that we're friends we should follow through with your grandfather and have lunch." I hum wiping the sweat off my forehead with a small cloth “Now that you mention it, I am kind of hungry.” 

Seonghwa squeezes my shoulders while behind me “Good, we’ve got some nice things prepared for you.” I squint my eyes “I would like to assume it’s a good thing and not a bad one.” 

Seonghwa and Hongjoong chuckle “It’s a good thing my dear, I had the cook of our crew make us some delicious food. They’ll be in the main square later serving the village so I’m sure your family will be there as well since we let them know this morning.”

 Seonghwa nods “Yes, so practice a few more hours and by then the food should be ready, we just came here and decided to give you some motivation so you’d finish your training strong.” I smile at both males “Seriously, thank you.” they both smile and Hongjoong responds “My pleasure, y/n. Anything to show you we’re worth trusting.”

 Wow, he really is trying his hardest if he’s going to go all out like this. Seonghwa excitedly smiles “We’ll see you later okay? Please come by, we’d really like for you to meet the crew” Wow, they really are so confident i’m going to leave. I look over at them and  nod “of course, I’ll be there no worries” Both men say their goodbyes and leave. I sit down for a few minutes and rest before I resume my training for the day.

After a few hours go by I decide to start walking home and the whole way there I think to myself why I saved these men and why was I being so selfless with them. Why did I feel the need to protect the Captain and his right hand man when I don’t even know them, this was all becoming so confusing to me. Not to mention my extreme trust issues with everyone, so I just can’t explain why I decided to trust them. Why am I so drawn to them?

When I arrive at the main square I see alot of people gathered around the front of my house. As I walk closer I notice Hongjoong talking to my grandfather while Seonghwa and another guy play with my siblings. 

There was an unknown male by the fire cooking and a few others whom I didn’t recognize but I knew were with “The Captain” judging by their clothes so those men must be his crew members. They’re feeding everyone I see, they’re really trying to win over not only my family but the whole village. 

I walk over to my mom and ask “Mom, when did they get here?” while watching my little brothers play she says “They got here a few hours ago. Hongjoong, the blonde one said he wanted it to be a surprise for you when you came back from training. You should go eat now, they brought meat! It’s your favorite.” I nod then I turn and see my grandpa and the chief speaking to Hongjoong, he looked happy. I hadn’t seen my grandpa smile since grandma died.

A sudden grip to my shoulder makes me slightly jump “You should go eat, the food will be gone by the time you’re done staring.” I turn and see Seonghwa holding a plate in his hand slightly out of breath giving me a sweet smile “Ah, hah I will sorry just got distracted.”

 I hope he didn’t think I was checking the captain out. That would be weird. Seonghwa walks over to me and hands me a plate of food and honestly it looked and smelled delicious. Roasted potatoes and meat. Meat is considered a delicacy and we can’t eat it very often because of how expensive it is so seeing it on my plate made my stomach rumble so I begin to eat before I even sit down.

 Seonghwa turns to me and chuckles “You like meat? It’s good right?” I nod while sitting down on the grass in front of the tree by the square since It was a little quieter here “I’m glad you liked it, I’m sure Wooyoung prepared it with his secret combination of spices. It makes things so much more tasty.” 

For a little bit there was a silence from the both of us eating but eventually I decide to get brave and ask “Are you guys really not going to hurt our people? Like you’re not doing this as a gimmick to gain our trust then kill or imprison all of us?” 

Seonghwa, slightly taken aback chokes a bit on his food and begins to cough, once a bit composed he clears his throat “No, of course not. We’re The Piece of Eight. We don’t steal from the people, we steal for them. All of our targets are all either royals, nobles, military chiefs or generals, politicians even but never the regular people who aren’t associated with that stuff. If anything we’re most infamously known for being anti government and helping villages who need it the most.”

So they’re basically like the story of Robin Hood, steal from the rich and help the poor. It’s understandable, the rich can be quite nasty. They’re very ungrateful.

 “Sounds a like a great cause, does that mean you have alot allies?” He slightly purses his lips “Somewhat, but it’s enough for it to help us not get caught.” 

I shove another spoonful of potatoes in my mouth “Also I guess I should explain this but, the reason Hongjoong needs an assassin and a protector is because the royals and government know about us now and they’re out to get the captain and knowing how he is he doesn’t want to appease the rich, much less the government meaning he’s going to keep doing what he’s doing even if he needs to kill people to get what he wants and what he wants is to put those people in their place and show them they’re not special that at the end of the day they’re a sack of skin and blood..”

 I stare aimlessly and un focus my gaze and without thinking I say “I agree with your agenda. Rich people are selfish and are out of touch with reality. They’re heartless and evil, I hate them. I hate them all.” Seonghwa furrows his eyebrows “Did something happen for you to strongly feel that way?”

 I set my plate down and shrug “Well, long story short the Saitor Kingdom invaded Eledonia and they killed hundreds of people and imprisoned alot of them as well. My village and other poor villages were taken as prisoners to work for the Saitors with the only pay was being fed enough to be kept alive. It was almost daily where there was an execution of a prisoner for seemingly stupid offences that had no reason to be that serious some of those were of course some members of my village. It was 9 years of complete and utter hell.”

The dark haired man sighs and says in a low tone of voice “I completely understand why you’d hate people like that. Some of us in the crew, specifically Hongjoong had the same luck as you except he was left with nothing.” 

A knot grows in my throat, as much as I didn’t know the Captain like that I can only imagine losing everyone you know and care about. “Meaning he has nothing left to lose.” I say with a knot in my throat and he nods “Yeah, which is why the crew is as close as it is because he considers us all his family.”

 I focus my gaze again and it happens to fall upon the Captain, seeing him smile while talking to the Chief, and my grandfather somehow broke my heart. As much as I know how annoying it is to be pitied, here I am doing it to a complete stranger who probably doesn’t want any of it. 

 “This is why he helps the people, because he knows his family would have wanted him to do something good with his life even if it’s somewhat subjective to other people.” So Hongjoong is a good guy, to be this young and already be so accomplished takes skill and he clearly has the skill and motivation for it all. Unfortunately at the cost of the people he loved the most.

“Sometimes it’s good to be going against the current, and I respect him for it.” Seonghwa adjusts himself more comfortably and puts his plate aside and exhaling softly.

“We all do too, but as of today I also respect you as well for enduring torture and witnessing such horrible atrocities everyday for 9 years, that must have been traumatizing.” I glance over at the people in my village, seeing how happy they looked.

 “Yeah, I guess seeing someone get shot in the face or get bludgeoned to death isn’t something a kid should be witnessing. Till this day I can still hear them choking on their own blood.” I look down at my hand and stipple my fingers on my palm.

 “I can tell you’re very close to the Captain.” I say changing the subject, it’s not that I don’t want to talk about it it’s more like I can’t talk about it because evreytime I do I can hear the blood squelching, bones breaking, and agonizing screams. They're so vivid. 

Seonghwa seems to catch on what I was doing and replies “We are actually, so close I know him like the back of my hand. Although sometimes it’s hard for him to show he cares so to a normal person it might look like he doesn’t care very much but he does he just does it differently than other people. Because to be honest I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be affectionate towards someone.” 

I giggle “Reminds me of my grandpa, he’s the same way. With my grandpa showing affection is him telling me stories from when he was a soldier or buying me some candy when we go to the market, things like that.”

Seonghwa chuckles and points with his eyes in the direction of Hongjoong speaking to my grandpa “No wonder they get along so well.” It’s so nice to see my grandpa smile, it’s been a while since he did.

 Ever since my grandma died my grandpa hasn’t smiled very much or that of all. In a way it seems like they’re both healing each other by speaking with each other. Suddenly I hear Hongjoong call out for Seonghwa, apologetically he looks over at me and says “I’m so sorry our conversation was cut short, Hongjoong is calling me.”

 I shake my head and motion him to Hongjoong “Go ahead I need time to myself anyway, I need to think whether or not I’m going to go with you guys.” Seonghwa reaches over and pats my shoulder “Alright, just remember do what your heart tells you not what others say.” I chuckle “I’ll keep that noted.” Seonghwa gets up and takes both our empty plates with him leaving me with my thoughts while I also observe the strange men here. No doubt they were all handsome and charismatic including Hongjoong and Seonghwa which is the reason why I’m assuming everyone grew to trust them so quickly. Even so, I’ll keep my eyes on them.

In the distance I see 2 black haired men walking towards me one had cat like eyes with dark hair and a grey streak in his hair, he was scrawny looking but has very wide shoulders while the other one had jet black hair, a strong jawline, and a small mole under his right eye. They both sit in front of me and smile “Hey, I’m Wooyoung and this is San. Hongjoong told us about you, so did you make up your mind? Are you coming with us?”

 Slightly taken a back from how forward  this Wooyoung guy is I shake my head “I don’t know, I’m not sure.” San gives me a dimpled smile “I hope you do, it’d be nice to have a new crew member.” 

Wooyoung looks over at San “Nah, you just want her to join us because she’s a girl.” San shoots a glare at Wooyoung “No, it would be nice if I could just have a reasonable person to talk to sometimes instead of an idiot like you who only says dumb things” Wooyoung teases San.“You have Yeosang and Yunho for that, they’re reasonable”  

I raise an eyebrow and smirk “Who says I’m reasonable though?” San looks at me like I’ve betrayed him while Wooyoung lets out a particularly loud laugh then I giggle “I’m just kidding, I’m y/n by the way.”

 I extend my hand towards San and smile almost without a second thought he reaches over and shakes my hand. His gaze connecting with mine with a small hint of awe he says “You have a nice name, It fits you really well.” Wooyoung then says “Is that really your name?” I laugh and nod “Yeah why? Does it throw you off that I have a universal language name instead of a more traditional name?” Wooyoung nods and says “Honestly yeah, but he’s right you have a nice name”

 If only they knew. So far they’re easy to get along with, I may end up taking this job just so my family stops being in the slums and my village as a whole is respected.

“So, how old are you guys?” I smile and look over at the two males and without hesitation Wooyoung replies “19, so is this guy. What about you?” I raise my eyebrow “You know you shouldn’t ask a girl her age, that's rude...” 

San stammers “I'm sorry we meant no disrespect..” I smirk “But if you must know though.. I'll give you a hint, i’m a few years older than you both” They both blink in shock then Wooyoung says “Wait how much older?” 

I shrug “Not more than 2 years” Wooyoung chuckles  “Ohh well you know I thought you were younger than us when I first approached you, you’re so short.” I scoff “I’m a girl of course I’m going to be short, common sense.” Wooyoung holds back a laugh “No I mean you’re short, short. I thought you were a child.” I roll my eyes “Yeah I am, short so what.” Wooyoung gives me a teasing smile While San says “You know that means you’re older than both our Captain and Seonghwa..” 

I raise an eyebrow “Are you guys calling me old?” They both shake their heads then Wooyoung nervously chuckles “Not at all! Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted some of the dessert I made. That’s the sole reason San and I came over was to ask.” I give them both a smile “Yeah sure, that would be nice. Thanks.” He gives me a smile and nods “Okay I’ll be right back, San stay.”

San lays back onto the soft grass and rests his hand on his stomach and replies " Sure, I'd love to.” Awkwardly I sit there for a few seconds not knowing what to say until San says “Listen, if you happen to join us and anyone in the crew ever says anything hurtful don’t listen to them, They can be bastards sometimes, it’s like they forget how to interact with other people.”

 I look up at the blue sky avoiding eye contact with him, feeling his gaze on me. “Thanks, I’ll keep that noted If I decide to go.” After this brief interaction San and I both look up at the sky in comfortable silence until Wooyoung comes back and hands me a small little bowl with some sort of probably foreign dessert and says “I’ve brought you dessert, I’m not sure how sweet you like things but it’s not overwhelmingly sweet. It’s a type of peach tart, it’s really good. I don’t know if you’ve ever had it before.” 

I examine the “peach tart” and to my knowledge I’ve never seen anything like it. “I actually have never seen anything like this before this looks very foreign to me, although I have seen cake before and we only have it for special occasions it’s very rare if we get to eat sugary things like this because they’re so expensive.” 

I take the silver ware he brought with him and take a bite out of it “Oh wow, this is delicious.” Wooyoung gives me a prideful smirk “That’s only because I made it.” I giggle and take another bite “Well your cooking is amazing, let me guess you cooked the meal today too didn’t you?” He nods with a big smile on his face then San says “Look at you, you’re so full of yourself.” He gives San a smirk “You’re just mad she didn’t compliment you.”

In the distance two more men walk up to where we were sitting except these two looked very tall, extremely tall almost like two twin towers. One had dark hair parted down the middle with the fringe of his hair adorning his soft puppy like features and the other one had black rimmed glasses, his hair was dark blue and had a neatly slicked back side part on his hair. 

Both men were definitely taller than Seonghwa for sure, and he was the person I originally considered tall. Wooyoung notices me staring behind him and he turns “Oh hey Mingi and Yunho, this is y/n. Hongjoong’s possible new protector and crew mate.” 

The dark haired one squints and looks at Wooyoung slightly confused then the one with glasses says “She’s so tiny, she looks like a doll…” Wow, I’ve never heard that one before, I was just called a child a few minutes ago. “You think Hongjoong will have her dressed up all cute and she’ll be like a cute killer doll or something?” 

The dark haired one’s expression looks at Mingi in disgust “Maybe you should stay quiet Mingi, you’ll scare away the Captain’s new protector.” Yunho then looks over at me and gives me a concerned look “He’s weird please don’t listen to him. Anyway, hello y/n I’m Yunho” Mingi then responds “I’m Mingi, hi ” I give them both a smile and shake both their hands “Hello, i’m y/n”

 Mingi gives me a very shy dorky smile then I cross my arms in front of my chest knowing exactly where he was looking “So, you guys are pirates right? So does any of you have specific roles or duties?” Wooyoung then says “Ah yeah we do. I’m the cook.” Yunho gives me a curt smile “I’m the doctor” San raises his hand shyly “I’m the craftsman, I fix and make things.”

Lastly Mingi pushes up his glasses and gives me a dimpled smile “I’m the navigator, I work out which way the ship needs to go and I check if the conditions are right for safe travel” Wooyoung continues “Hongjoong of course is the Captain, Seonghwa is the First Mate and Quartermaster which in short just means that he's Hongjoong's right hand man and if Mingi, Jongho or Yeosang need an extra hand he’s there to help.” 

I look around my front yard and point over at the two male figures playing with my brothers “What about those two? What do they do?” Mingi sits next to me and says “Well..Yeosang is the helmsman, the guy who steers the ship and keeps it going in the direction it needs to go while Jongho is the gunner which is a fancy word for the guy who sets up and orders the canons to be fired and helps Yeosang and I with surveillance.”

 I nod with my lips slightly pursed “Hm, wow that’s some awesome duties you guys have.” Yunho shrugs “It has their ups and downs, sometimes I second guess myself as to what I’m doing on that ship” San then says “What about you? What role do you play in your village?” I run my fingers below on the soft grass next to me “I’m poor, I don’t have a role. I have no influence or power. The most my family has done is my grandpa being an Eledonian soldier, he was the one who’s trained me since I was about 16 or 17 years old making that maybe 5 or 6 years of him training me.” 

Mingi gasps “Wait, wait, you’re older than all of us including Seonghwa?! You look so young, how is that possible?!” Wooyoung looks over at Mingi “We already freaked out about that..” Mingi rips out some grass from next to him and throws it at Wooyoung “Excuse me but I wasn’t here when that happened “ Wooyoung dusts the grass away “You snooze you lose, and geez stop that you’re going to get grass in y/n’s peach tart.” 

Mingi mocks Wooyoung causing him to roll his eyes and gets up “Okay I’m going now, I need to go clean up are you coming or not San?” San motions him to leave and closes his eyes “I’m fine where I’m at” Yunho gets up and follows behind Wooyoung “I’ll help!” Mingi gets up and pats my head “I’ll see you later little doll my companion has just left me.” He catches up with Yunho and Wooyoung. 

As soon as he leaves I let out a soft sigh and rest my head against the trunk of the tree looking in the direction of my family, mom, dad, siblings, and grandpa. What would life be without them? San noticing this he sits up and looks in my direction “Are you okay?” I nod and give him a smile “Ah, yeah I’m just exhausted from training this morning.” He nods and scoots over next to me “Ah, I see.” Ahh fuck I was going to get up after this.

I don’t want him to feel bad for getting up right after he sits next to me. I guess it wouldn’t hurt sitting here. “So.. do you have friends?” I continue staring ahead at my siblings and the whole scene before me and I press my lips into a line for a few seconds then a weak smile paints my features “I did at one point, but my obsession with training and everything kind of drove them away. That and I tend to stay in my own world and nobody wants to deal with those types of people.”

 From the corner of my eyes I can see San give me a look of pity then I continue “But that’s fine because I get more stuff done, having friends is a nuisance. “ He thickly swallows almost like he was going to say something but decided he wasn’t going to say anything and very slightly nods “I see, I’m sorry you feel that way.” 

I turn and give him a bright smile “Enough of me though, how long have you been with the crew?”  San thinks about his answer for a bit and says "Hm, like 2 or 3 years? I'm not sure but I've been here for a while." I slowly nod gently running my fingers through the grass "So since you've been out at sea for a bit you probably already know how it is out there." He hums "Yeah, it's pretty bad. More often than not there's always ships trying to rob us so we're constantly on guard not to mention the government being after us doesn't help at all."

God, that sounds horrible. Living every single day on fight or flight mode? On borrowed time? "Wow, that sounds…exhausting." San chuckles "Hah yeah, it is. The only difference is that having the crew there with you helps a lot. You forget the atrocities of the world for a bit until you have to face them all over again." 

San shifts his gaze from the sky over to me, despite his smaller frame it didn't take away from how handsome he looked which made his stare a bit more intimidating "Don't worry though, like I said you've got me if you're ever in a tight spot." I quietly nod and give him a shy smile “Oh, thanks.” we both sit there in silence again until I feel a sudden tap on my shoulder, when I turn around I see my younger brother standing there “So uh, brother kind of fell and he’s crying.”

 I let out a sigh “Dude, mom’s told you guys to be careful.” He nods “I didn’t do anything, he was being a show off with those pirate guys.” I get up and turn to San “I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me I need to check on my brother’s dumbassry.” He chuckles and gives me a dimpled smile “Oh sure go ahead.” 

I give San a small curt smile and walk behind my brother leading me the way to my crying brother. When I arrive I see Jongho awkwardly patting my younger brother’s back trying to console him While Yeosang looks on slightly uncomfortable. Once he sees me Jongho looks over at me and says “Oh hey, your brother fell off the swing trying to show us a trick.” I cover my face in frustration and embarrassment then fake a smile looking at my little brother “Didn’t mom tell you to stop that?” He sobs nodding “I’m sorry, I thought it would have been cool for them to see.”

I close my eyes trying not to cringe out of my skin and open them gently patting his head “Look, you could show them those cool tricks you do playing ball. You could seriously get hurt doing that, I’m sure they’ll still think it’s cool. Right?” I look over at Jongho and Yeosang giving them the look of “Please say yes” then he looks over at my brother and nods “Yes, of course I’ll still think you’re cool. You don’t have to do something dangerous in order for it to be cool.”

 My little brother wipes his tear ridden eyes “Really?” Jongho nods “Yes, of course. Remember that trick Seonghwa showed you earlier that you got right away? You should show your sister.” My little brother looks over at Yeosang who was holding a ball then he gives my brother a reassuring nod. He gently throws the ball over at my brother and he kicks the ball making it over the branch of a tree behind them. Immediately both men cheer for my brother and I look over at him with a very impressed look on my face. “Wow, your aim is really good now..” My little brother nods and puts his hands on his waist looking very proud “Thank you..”  

After consoling my brother, I walk around to look for that San guy I was talking to but I couldn’t see him anywhere. I walk around the town square to see if maybe he’d wandered off there but nothing, it wasn’t until I was walking home I hear a faint low voice then some giggling shortly after. 

I noticed the voices were coming from the side of a fountain so I didn’t think much of it and continue walking until I hear “Sannie, stop that tickles!” causing me to halt in my tracks and feel a pit in my stomach. Unfortunately curiosity got the best of me and I walk over and peek behind one of the pillars of the fountain only to see San pinning a girl against it having a very intense makeout session that if anyone saw something similar would definitely guess they’re on the brink of coitus. Yeah no. That should have stayed a curiosity. 

I start walking away and let out a soft sigh with the pit in my stomach still feeling funny. Who would have thought that guy with such a sweet smile was a player? Actually you know what? I’m not surprised. Pirates are known to have many children scattered everywhere so I should have expected this in all honesty. 

The rest of the guys are probably the same including Hongjoong and Seonghwa, I mean they are men after all. Very good looking ones at that but for all I know some of them are probably married. Wait, wait, why am I even upset about this? Why am I even thinking about this? I don't even know the guy, this is ridiculous. He could bang all the girls he wants for all I care, I guess looks are deceiving.

Three days pass by since the pirates came by our village and every single one of those days Hongjoong and Seonghwa would stop by during my breaks in training to hang out which was kind of weird to me since I wasn’t used to all of this since my friends would never even want to talk about my training much less come visit me while I was actually practicing especially when I would practice with my gun, they’d always complain over how loud it was. 

Today was different though they didn’t even show up during my second break today which was unfortunate but they’re probably busy considering Hongjoong is the captain of a massive ship and Seonghwa is his right hand man so something must have come up. So when the sun was close to set now and I begin walking home I hear leaves rustling and to my surprise it’s the Captain himself only this time it was just him. “Hey Captain, it’s nice seeing you. Where’s Seonghwa?” He slowly walks over to me and I notice he has something in his hand, not a weapon of any sort it was an hourglass.

It was an hourglass with a beautiful golden frame and the sand being as pure white as the shore’s it was beautiful but I wonder why he has it with him. “Well, I came to talk to you.” Talk to me? With that expression honestly I’m wondering what exactly he’ll be talking to me about since he’s so serious. It’s probably not a good thing which is making me really nervous and hesitant to even ask. “Sure what is it? Is there something wrong?” 

He extends his hand and gives me the hourglass “When the sand runs out, we will be gone. You have until then to decide if you want to come with us if you want to get back at the Saitor Empire for what they did to Eledonia.” My stomach drops and suddenly I feel cold. This is exactly what I was dreading, having to choose between staying here and leaving. I look down at the trickling sand then back up at him and let out a sigh “We’ll be waiting here by the shore, where I first saw you.” I nod then he walks away disappearing into the forest and the first thing I instinctively do is my eyes well up with tears, this is it. I have to make my choice, choose my destiny.

 Am I going to be training forever and never get that bastard back or am I going to put my training to good use and finally make an example of that man? I walk home with tears in my eyes knowing the answer and what I must do, mostly so that my family and my village can live a good life at the expense of me risking mine.

 I go straight to my corner of the room and begin to pack my things that’s when my grandfather comes into the room and looks at the hourglass then shifts his gaze over at me packing my things while crying in silence then he decides to speak “I know you’ll do well my little Metztli, you’ll bring us justice. You’ll bring your grandmother justice and all the other people that we lost during those years thanks to those greedy men.”  

That’s when I finally break down and begin to cry my eyes out and hug my grandfather tightly “I’m scared grandpa, I’m scared I’ll let everyone down and I’m scared of not ever being able to see you guys again.”

He hugs me tight for a few seconds then pulls away with his arms on my shoulders “Sweetheart, you’ll see us one day this is not a goodbye but a see you later. In case my body ever decides it can no longer stay alive, just remember I’ll watch over you. I’ll never leave your side, ever. Your family will be here, your fellow clansmen will be here waiting for your victorious return.” 

He lifts my chin up to meet his eyes and says “Be the lethal soldier I’ve trained and make those people remember Eledonia, because staying here means you quit.” Teary eyed and more calm I nod then he smiles and gently pats my cheek and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear “That’s my little girl, the strong little Metztli.” I keep hearing that word “strong” but I honestly don’t feel like it. I feel weak. How could people see someone so strong when I see the weakest person on Earth for being so distraught over this. 

After talking to my family about my final decision my family along with the Chief decide they will send me off. When we arrive at the shore I see the massive ship whose flag proudly displayed was that of a skull inside of an hourglass. This was it.

Hongjoong stands at the top of the ramp and gives me a welcoming smile. I turn to my mom and give her a tight hug, one that lasts for quite a bit until my mom pulls away gently cupping my cheek “If you ever want to come back home we’ll be here sweetheart. Please take care of yourself, and remember we love you.” My mom's eyes well up with tears and I hug her again gently kissing her cheek.

 I look over at my dad who was intently staring at the ship and doesn’t move one bit until I finally say “Hey dad, I’m going now. Take care of mom, grandpa and my brothers.” My dad clears his throat and nods “Yeah, of course Metztli I’ll do that. You go ahead and have fun..” Although my father and I’s relationship has been strained for years I feel like I need to grow some balls and hug him because I never know when I’ll be able to see him again so I reach over and give my dad a tight hug. From the corner of my eyes and judging from the body language he awkwardly hugs me back. When I pull back my dad gives me a reassuring nod whilst still feeling awkward from the hug. I could tell he didn’t hate it though, he just struggles to show he cares.

 Up next I look at my grandpa who was looking at me with a fond smile then gives me a tight hug gently kissing my cheek. Once my grandpa pulls away from the hug he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a beautiful sea blue ring, puts it on the palm of my hand and closes it tightly. “It was your grandmother’s, it’ll protect you. She’ll be with you.” 

I smile and kiss my grandpa’s cheek and put the ring on my ring finger. Grandpa then pulls out a bundle that was strapped behind his back “Do me a favor and return these to the Captain and his friend. I’ve refurbished them and cleaned them up.” Their weapons, the ones they threw into the river. How did my grandpa know about it? Hongjoong must have told him when they were talking a few days ago. “Of course grandpa. I’ll let them know.” When I look over at the Chief he gives me a nod of approval and a smile.

From there, I begin to walk up the ramp to the ship until I feel a tug at my shirt. When I turn around I see it was both of my brothers “You forgot about us..” I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head “Of course not, I just didn’t want you two to see your big sister cry is all..” I pull them both in for a hug gently patting their heads with one hand each. When I pull back the youngest of my brothers says “Grandpa told me and brother why you're leaving, don’t die please. Come back so you can see my tricks again when i’m better.” 

I give my youngest brother a smile and nod “Of course kiddo, I promise I won’t die…” My brothers give me one last hug again and run back down the ramp and into my mother’s arms. The closer I get to the top the harder it gets to take a step. Once on top the ramp is collapsed back into the ship and the ship begins to set sail. I walk over to the railing and wave goodbye to my family until they decide to go back home. That’s when Hongjoong puts a hand on my shoulder and says “I know it was a hard decision but I promise you’ll see them again.”

 I silently nod and he continues “Do you want Wooyoung to prepare you something? Are you hungry? Perhaps tea?” I shake my head and stare the now empty shore of Eledonia “I’ll stay here.” He gently squeezes my shoulder “I’ll get Seonghwa to come show you to your room a little later when you’re done okay?” In a barely audible voice I reply with “Yes Captain.” And there I sat in silence watching Eledonia until I could no longer keep my eyes open.

✦•·····································•✦•·····································•✦

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Taglist: @thanxx1117

If I catch anyone plagiarizing my work just be warned I don't play with that kind of stuff so don't try me..

Next Chapter

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for HALF:

kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.

its. literally stunning.

like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written

THE INSTRUMENTALS.

HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty

heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half

GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?

---

half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense

theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.

this song is pure ASMR to me

visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity

the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3

kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him

dapper gentleman. such clothes

the key change is so well done

AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn

every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect

kazui is in it

um

kazui is in it

go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband

no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)

---

Allow me to present my Half propaganda!

- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)

- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.

- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)

- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.

- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.

- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

[g0rechan]

🩸Obligatory “About me” post🩸

Hi, I’m G0rechan <3 You can also call me Mima or Mili or Mil

-I’m 22 years old

-I go by She/Her/He/Him/They/Them

-I am a Pisces and an INTP-T

-Hypersexual Demiromantic

—With a preference towards women. Men don’t HMU, I don’t have time for that shit.

-Extremely introverted and asocial

-ADD, ASD, and BPD. Sorry for any unhinged posts here and there.

-Pro-shipper/Pro-fiction/Anti-harassment

-Sebaciel, Sangbum, and Muchimido Shipper

🍖🌈,🍟🐾,🍋🌈

-I accept all asks and everything else in my inbox, even anon hate and those calling me sick/cringe/tryhard/edgy, just know that things like that only fuel me and make me wanna keep posting more fucked up stuff ❤️

-I’m an artist and I love fashion^^ You can see my stuff on my ig and tik tok @_g0rechan_

-I am 30% American and 70% Latina, my family is from Venezuela 🇻🇪

-My favorite animes are Shoujo Tsubaki, Perfect blue, The curse of Kazuo Umezu, Belladonna of sadness, Paranoia Agent, and Kite 1998

-Favorite manga: Berserk, Shoujo Tsubaki, Souichi, Dissolving classroom, Pumpkin night, Rainbow, Chainsaw man, Lychee light club, Jinmen, Black butler, LA blue girl, and The Rose of Versailles

—DM if you want the link to the Shoujo Tsubaki discord (STRICTLY 17+)

-Favorite movies: A Clockwork Orange, Pearl, Heathers, Joker (2019), American Psycho, Requiem for a dream, Kids (1995), Gummo, Thirteen, Little shop of horrors, Grease, Welcome to the dollhouse, Valerie and her week of wonders, Female trouble, Carrie (1976), Caligula (1979), Superbad, and Matilda <3

-Currently watching: 1001 nights and Cleopatra (1970) Osamu Tezuka is the best^^

-Currently reading (other than manga): Bizenghast, the 120 days of Sodom, and a clockwork orange

-My favorite video games: Bully, Cuphead, the Dead rising series, the Silent hill series, The Devil May cry series, GTA V, Dead space, Crash bandicoot, and Assassin’s Creed Unity

-Favorite artists: Guns N’ Roses, Quiet Riot, AC/DC, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Nirvana, The Doors, Eminem, Limp Bizkit, Marina, Jazmin Bean, Billie Eilish, Nicole Dollanganger, Zheani

-I RB a lot of gore. Most of it is either gore in art/anime, anatomy, or fake irl gore. I will never, however, rb torture/mutilation of real people or real animal gore. I just find that disrespectful and distasteful.

-Favorite aesthetics: Fairycore, gremlincore, Princesscore, 90s grunge, Jirai kei, Vampirecore, Angura Kei, Dai nippon gothic, Morute, kinderwhore, Royalcore, Rococo, 60s mod, 70s, 80s hard rock, Retro Japan, retro anything tbh lol I change aesthetics like I change clothes

-Pookies: Makima, Yoon Bum, Tokkuriji Muchisute, Benietsu, and Griffith 💕

-DNI list🚫 People under 16, Anti-shippers, Anti-kink, Conservatives, TERFs, SWERFs, Pedophiles, Zoophiles, Anti-feminists, Anti-LGBTQIA+, Racists, Ableists, Pro-ana blogs, if you justify the innocents being killed in both Palestine and Israel, and/or if you support Autism speaks, Russia, Hamas/Palestinian government, the Israeli government, or any corrupt government in general.

-I also make original characters and art every now and then, My stuff is not meant for a mainstream audience…

I will probably add more to this…

Thank you and have a good night

🪱🥩👁️🩸🪭

[chlorine-and-daisies]

ok but the more i think about it the more i believe that the deck is stacked against good omens s3, plot-wise, and a LOT of it is s2's fault...assuming that the show will come out of the pause with a new showrunner, i'm wishing them the best of luck...bc they're DEFINITELY gonna need it...

the big one that hangs over everything else for me is that *s2 e4 confirms that human souls get tortured in hell for eternity, rather than just milling around or slowly dissipating or whatever.* and it gets glossed over in the show, the people who we see get threatened with this are legitimately evil and before long we're back to watching aziraphale and crowley flirt over wine, so it's easy to not think seriously about it...however i for one will *always* believe that infinite punishment for a finite life is horrifying and that the writers absolutely did not think through the implications of this. aziraphale is hanging onto a shop full of stories written by people who died and are now in neverending pain (which could be an interesting concept if they actually addressed that part of his guilt, i assume he just barely manages to convince himself that anyone who deserves it will be saved in the rapture, but they Didn't Really Address It)....crowley is now directly implicated in sending people to that pain (i assume that's part of what he's drinking to forget but they Didn't Really Address That either). i don't know how they are supposed to fix this...but if they don't COMPLETELY address and overhaul this system in s3 it will overshadow ANY possible happy ending in my mind. WHAT IS THE POINT OF STOPPING THE SECOND COMING IF SO MANY HUMAN SOULS ARE STUCK IN HELL AND THE REST ARE IN WHATEVER BORING RESTRICTIVE THING HEAVEN'S COME UP WITH?!?! hot take but maybe we Would be better off just destroying the world at that point, so no new humans can be born and doomed to suffer eternally? and that is DEFINITELY NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT YOUR AUDIENCE TO BE THINKING IN A COMEDY WHERE THERE'S VERY LITTLE CHANCE OF ACTUALLY DESTROYING THE WORLD!!! if you want me to laugh and happily watch you save the world, then saving the world needs to be a good thing...

also, s2 shows god talking directly to job, and it's...really scary, even though it's played for laughs? it's much easier to tell a story where the world is under an absent god who just reads the footnotes and laughs ineffably out of anyone's earshot, as She is in s1, than a god who is outright mocking and unable to be reasoned with....it's gonna be Really Hard to write a happy ending with This version of god. either She just has to not show up at all anymore, or She will need to be reasoned with (which seems hard to do, given Job), or She will need to be fought....do any of our protagonists have the power to kill God? Would that even make for good tv or a satisfying ending?

the more i think about it the more immature "they're not talking" seems...when the whole world is at stake and they love each other so much...

finally, s2 gives all these hints about crowley having been very powerful as an angel...possibly even an archangel...feel free to disagree with me on this, but I *personally* could not care less about who he used to be. it doesn't impress me at all, i'd prefer to keep it a mystery, and if anything crowley having lots of power (and aziraphale being promoted) takes away from their characters bc he and aziraphale were always supposed to be just middle managers who have more in common with each other than their bosses, a la cold war spies...I don't think Pratchett believed that might makes right and I don't want crowley and aziraphale to just wave their hands and stop armageddon pt 2 with an 8 billion lazarii miracle, even if it is a mIrAcLe oF LoVe........But s2 just Kept On Prodding with those incredibly obvious hints, so now it'll be weird if Crowley's past and power *doesn't* become central to the resolution of s3...the best I can hope for is some sort of schrodinger's archangel...i'm predicting that we'll get the confirmation that crowley Was an archangel but hoping that it won't affect the plot in any real way...

please note that i am NOT saying this with any bad intentions. despite the gaping plotholes i am a huge fan of the show and characters, and i really hope that s3 will come back with someone kind and capable and thoughtful! it's just like...how will they get out of this one, yknow?

[avelera]

Apologies for screaming into your askbox like this but

EVERYTHING YOU SAID ABOUT BENIOFF AND WEISS IS SO FUCKING TRUE AND I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE IS FINALLY SAYING SOMETHING

As someone who read the Game of Thrones books (probably younger than I should have...but that's beside the point) the sorts of things that the two Ds decided needed to be added for the sake of "realism" or "accuracy" was ALWAYS just an excuse to brutalize someone. Be it kids, be it women (though in GoT is was usually women) and so much of it was not in the books!!! Like, sure, the books have accrued a reputation for being brutal, and they totally are...but they never seem as gretuatus in the way that David and Dan seem to revel in the crualty. Utterly original characters are introduced for the express purpose of being killed or assaulted, and it makes watching Game of Thrones a harrowing experience.

I'm not surprised that this has continued in their other work, in so many ways, the bloodlust became their calling card. I am deeply thankful that most of the other places that had been courting them to make projects have dropped them.

I will say in defense of the no doubt huge team who worked on Three Body Problem that it's not a gore fest or anything. There was a lot I've enjoyed in eps 1-5 (which as far as I've gotten at the moment) and scenes of violence are hardly the only thing that happens (though umm... maybe be prepared for the opening scene. It's also a doozy.)

Anyway, as I see it, Benioff and Weiss's sadism is more like... Tarantino's foot fetish. It doesn't consume the entire story, but when Tarantino does a loving closeup of feet you're like, "Ah, there it is. I was wondering when that would show up." If B&W work on something, like it or not, they're going to mash the cruelty button and heighten the cruelty of canonical scenes (if it's an adaptation) in order to try to get a reaction out of the audience. It's just how they work. For some audiences, that might even be a feature, not a bug!

The thing that makes me so frothing at the mouth enraged about Benioff and Weiss is how fucking coquettish they are about their sadism. They always act so fucking surprised like they're shocked that anyone would think that the gore and the horror were the point and what drew them to the story (I know, I'm just repeating my post at this point but STILL--!).

Look, when I was a teen, I totally first started writing angst to sort of... express this vein of sadism in myself in a safe outlet like fiction. I wanted to make people cry with my writing. So I'd do things like just kill off all the characters and be so proud when a reader said they were sad after.

But that's just... really flat and amateurish angst, y'know? There are so many more sophisticated and meaningful ways to create emotion, including sadness, in an audience other than just killing off all the characters or torturing them.

But I feel I remember enough from those days (I'd like to think I've long since grown out of that impulse) to know a sadist when I see one? And Benioff and Weiss's storytelling, to my eyes again, is simply sadistic. It glories in watching people in pain and it finds ways to exaggerate that pain and the chance to exaggerate moments of pain is what draws them to the stories they like to depict.

And that's fine. Plenty of horror creators revel in gore and cruelty and it's an entirely worthy art form!

But for the most part, those horror creators know what they're doing and they're open or even joyful about the fun they have creating these horror stories! Enjoying creating horror stories or depicting suffering or even being sadistic, particularly in fiction where no one is actually getting hurt, is perfectly fine.

I just fuckin... wish Benioff and Weiss would admit that's what it is goddamn it makes me INSANE.

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

𝑭𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑳 𝑾𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵 ║ Chapter 3 - Most Days I Am a Museum of Things I Want To Forget

| FERAL WOMAN | series masterlist | main masterlist | | PAIRING(s): Joel Miller x fem!OC/reader | RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT: 6.7k | CHAPTER WARNINGS: references to captivity and treatment therein, anxiety/PTSD

| CHAPTER SUMMARY: After almost a week in Jackson, you struggle to shake your reputation as fragile and reactive. When an opportunity to prove yourself arises, you are determined to show everyone you aren’t a charity case. When your efforts fall short of making the case for self-sufficiency, you find your best ally might just be your intimidating, formidable neighbor Joel.

Please read with caution if you have difficulties with works concerning: SA, physical violence, torture, captivity, trauma, and similar topics as they are discussed throughout the series. All highly sensitive portions WILL BE MARKED with my sensitive material banner if you wish to skip the more challenging portions. The sensitive material banner looks like this:

║ＰＲＥＶＩＯＵＳ ║⋄── •✧• ──⋄║ ＮＥＸＴ ║

✧⋄⋆•✧⋄⋄⋆⋅⋆✧•✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆•⋆⋄── •✧• ──⋄⋆•⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧•✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧•⋆⋄ ✧ "𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚊 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚝𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏." — D.H. Lᴀᴡʀᴇɴᴄᴇ ✧⋄⋆•✧⋄⋄⋆⋅⋆✧•✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆•⋆⋄── •✧• ──⋄⋆•⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧•✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧•⋆⋄ ✧ Morning five of your new life, and you had only chalked up one slight freak out since moving in with Susan. Things were going about as well as you could have hoped. The snow still sat in high drifts along the houses that lined your street, but you don’t take much notice of the cold when you’re situated in the balmy house you now called your home. You hadn’t ventured out since your embarrassing first meeting with your nextdoor neighbors Ellie and Joel. They had been the audience to your standalone mental break. The day after it happened, Ellie had come to the door and chatted with Susan briefly.

“Just checking in, ya know? Everything good? Anything we can do for you?” Ellie spoke like she was reciting lines that had been fed to her. You wondered if Joel had put her up to it. Maybe he was concerned for Susan’s safety after seeing what a deranged roommate she had just agreed to take in. You wanted to believe that Ellie and Joel were only doing what appeared to be the simplest explanation: making sure Susan was okay and that you were also okay. It wasn’t likely, but it was still nice to pretend that was the case.

Your hair was finally dry from the shower you took this morning. You watched the flicker and jump of flames in the grates as you sat in front of the fireplace to help your hair dry faster. It was becoming something of a habit. Susan had been keeping you on a schedule, but you didn’t mind someone else deciding how you spent your time. You weren’t ready to take on the enormous task of figuring out what was supposed to fill the hours of your day.  So, Susan made sure that every day you woke up before 9, took a shower, ate a “respectable breakfast,” and found something relaxing to do. You fell short on coming up with a hobby, so instead you just sat quietly next to the warm fireplace and watched Susan knit.

“That looks nice, Susan,” you mumble into your knees where you had drawn them up against your chest. 

“Hm? Did you say something?” she asked.

You licked your lips and took a deep breath. “It’s hard, I know, but you have to speak up, Bug. Especially for old biddies like me!”

You shot her a wobbly smile and refocused your efforts. You tried again, a bit louder this time and not directly into your drawn up body. “I said that-I said your blanket. That looks very nice, Susan. What you’re working on.”

A weird tugging sensation whirled in your stomach when she informed you that the blanket you had just complimented was actually going to be yours once she finished it. 

Dammit. Her asking you what your favorite color was the other day made a lot more sense now. You wished you had thought about your answer instead of just giving her the first color that popped into your head. You figured she was just trying to make conversation. Lord knows you needed the practice.

You stared at the fuzzy blue yarn as Susan wove it masterfully into chain after chain and line after line of what was going to be your blanket. Your handmade blanket. From Susan. You blinked rapidly when you thought back to just a few days ago when Sam had refused you anything to provide warmth before leaving you locked outside in a shed. And here was Susan, your new matronly roommate, handcrafting you a blanket in what she believed to be your favorite color. It was these kinds of moments that gave you emotional whiplash. Just knowing a few days ago how your entire life had changed. Susan chatted endlessly about all sorts of things, but it was nice to listen to. Most of the time. You sometimes found yourself getting a little overstimulated at the constant interaction after being used to silence so often, but you would just go into that blank spot in your head you had perfectly carved out for when you needed to shut down.

You didn’t want to ask Susan to stop talking when you felt overwhelmed. It wasn’t fair to her. She was probably doing it for you in the first place, and you didn’t want to discourage anyone from showing you kindness. All of this could be gone in the blink of an eye, and you didn’t want to rock the boat. Although no one had said as much, you felt sure that you were in some sort of probationary period, and you didn’t want to ruin your chances of staying here. Susan was just trying to be nice and help you. You were no conversationalist, and your artless introduction to Joel and Ellie made you realize just how terrible your people skills had become. And while Susan looked after you with incredible sincerity and diligence, you looked forward to your bed every night and the opportunity to sit in silence and process everything. With so much sensory information constantly coming your way, you had found it very difficult to process things in the moment and instead had to file it away for later unpacking. Moving to Jackson was like a crash course of getting back into the “normal world,” a place you hadn’t belonged to in what felt like lifetimes ago. You gave it your best effort to just go with the flow and blend in with your surroundings. If that meant letting Susan talk for 45 minutes straight about how she had come to favor wool yarn over synthetic blends, then that’s what you were going to do.

When Susan mentioned a trip to the grocer was needed, you gathered every fiber of fortitude you could muster to volunteer yourself for the task.  The addition of an extra mouth in the house meant the food supply was going nearly twice as fast, and a restock was necessary if there was going to be a “respectable breakfast” tomorrow. 

Susan was almost talking to herself as she mentioned the food market on mainstreet being quieter in the afternoons, so that’s when she would go. She sounded like she was talking herself through the steps of the task, and it made you recall Maria saying that Susan didn’t often make it out of the house when there was a lot of snow on the ground because it was challenging for her. 

You kicked yourself for not thinking to check for yourself yesterday when Maria asked if the two of you needed anything. You called upon every ounce of confidence you had before you addressed Susan.

“I’m gonna go, Susan. There’s too much snow,” you inform her. You had to do this. You had to be useful to this woman if you were going to earn your keep here. “I’m going to-to walk to Maria’s, and she’ll go with me. She can show m-me where everything is.”

Susan didn’t seem convinced this was the best idea, but the promise of Maria accompanying you seemed to settle her qualms with the proposed outing. With that, she handed over some ration slips and a shopping list and waved you out the front door. You felt her gaze burning on the back of your head. You turned around and gave her a I’ll be okay, I promise wave, to which she nodded and shut the door. Your new boots felt stiff around your feet. You hadn’t had shoes in this good of condition in years. Like everything else, it was going to take some getting used to. You hugged Tommy’s coat closer to you as you trudged through the snow to their house. Maria had brought a potential jacket for you yesterday, but it was much too large. It fit better than Tommy’s did on you, but you expressed that you favored hanging onto his rather than taking the new jacket.

Maria had smiled softly at your preference and promised to ask around to a few of the families that had teenaged girls who might have outgrown their coats. You had worn Tommy’s jacket almost constantly, even inside and to bed. It just felt nice for some reason. It smelled of him and Maria both, and it surprised you just how much of a comfort that was.

You were almost to their porch when you heard their voices. You peeked around the side of the house and found the hum of their conversation was drifting from an open kitchen window. Your brows pinched in equal confusion and curiosity. Why on earth would they have a window open in the middle of the winter? The answer was simple and revealed to you as you crouched beneath the window to listen.

“I can bring some snow inside, sweetheart. I’ll fill the whole tub. I don’t give a shit,” Tommy swore.

“It’ll pass, Tommy. Just give it a minute. I’m not going to be burning up the rest of the day. Just got overheated making that stupid soup.”

“You’re just about stripped naked in the middle of the kitchen, honey. You sure you don’t want me to bring in some snow? Plenty of it. And I can look after the soup,” he offered.

“Tommy, I love you, but please shut up,” she muttered. You could hear her shifting against the window frame above you. You weren’t exactly sure why you had ducked into a crouch so you could eavesdrop. It’s not like they would be upset if you joined a conversation with them. You shook your head at your ridiculous instincts and started to squat away from your hiding place. Even if you weren’t going to continue your spying, you still didn’t want them to know you had done it in the first place. It would’ve been hard to explain or justify.

Just as you were getting the footing for your next step, you heard your name. You stopped and slunk back to your spot.

“I dunno, Tommy. It’s just fucking bad. We had to get Courtney to the clinic because she refused to let Dr. Adderman examine her. I should’ve expected that, but I guess I was just tired from the day by that point.”

Courtney was the nice medical woman who you had allowed to look you over. It had taken a while for you to calm down after Dr. Adderman had said he was going to be the one giving you medical clearance. You had almost immediately begun shaking when he came into the room, and you’d hurled yourself behind the exam table to separate yourself from him. Maria asked him to leave at that point, and he readily obliged.

“Nah, don’t worry about that. It was a long day,” Tommy reassured her. “And Courtney’s just fine. She ain’t a doctor, but she’s damn good, anyway. She cleared her, and that’s all you needed.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Maria admitted. There was a pause, and you realize you must have missed whatever Tommy had just said. “I mean that she had injuries all over her body, Tommy. Everywhere. Old, new, everything in between. I don’t even want to think about what kind of injuries she has that we couldn’t see.”

Tommy made a small noise in thought and consideration of her weighty remark. “Damn. Well, she didn’t look all that great from the start. Poor girl’s just about skin and bones. You think they were starvin’ her?” “Seems that way. I can’t be sure, though. I didn’t ask her for details. She’s not ready. I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready. We just have to work with what she’s giving us for right now.”

Your breathing quickened as you listened to Maria give Tommy the rundown of just how fucked up you were.

“Yeah, I get that. But y’all were able to check her out? I mean, Courtney looked her over for bites? How’d she manage that?” he wondered.

“She actually asked for me to stay in the room while Courtney did the exam. I was going to give her privacy, of course, but she seemed upset at the idea of me stepping out and leaving her alone with Courntey. I don’t know. Maybe she was scared Dr. Adderman was going to show up again or something, and she didn’t know if Courtney would send him away like I had.”

That’s exactly what you had been afraid of and why you had all but begged Maria to stay in the room while Courtney rendered your physical assessment. You felt a sick punch of shame in your stomach.

“But, Tommy,” Maria sighed, sounding frustrated. “When we told her we needed to see underneath her clothes so we could clear her for bites and whatever else, she just said ‘okay’ and closed her eyes.”

“Yeah?” Tommy asked, sounding confused.

“She closed her eyes. And just stood there. And kept her arms by her side. And her fists were balled up. She didn’t understand, Tommy,” Maria elaborated. When Tommy didn’t reply, you realized he was still lost on her meaning. 

“She thought we were going to take her clothes off of her. She didn’t even understand that the expectation would never be that and that she was supposed to take off whatever piece of clothing at a time she felt comfortable with.” 

You stifled the tears that were threatening to form. They weren’t being cruel in their conversation, and that was probably what made this raw, unfiltered take of you sting in such a harsh way.

“You mean.. Like, she just assumed the two of you were gonna strip her down right then and there? Butt naked in the middle of the room?” he balked.

You winced at his completely accurate understanding of what your assumption had been in that exam room.

“Yes. And when she did start to take something off, it was so obvious that she wasn’t used to being the one taking her clothes off. It was … fuck, Tommy, it was hard to see.” Maria’s voice caught a little at the end of her comment. Your emerging tears gave way to a rise of anger. You didn’t need anyone to feel sorry for you. You were fine. Well, not fine, but you weren’t just some mangled heap of existence that couldn’t be salvaged. There was still a person in you. You still existed, somewhere deep down inside.

“Aw, sweetheart. You did good. I know you did. I can only imagine having to keep it together when you got a poor girl like that in such a bad place right in front of you. Goddamn, I mean, I don’t even know what I’d do for her or say to her if I had to be in your shoes,” he admitted. 

“Like I said, just take it as she gives it. We can’t push her. She’s way too fragile.” Maria cleared her throat and shuffled around to what you thought must be the fridge based on the sound of an appliance door opening and closing. Tommy started to talk again, but you couldn’t bear to stay and hear anymore of their discussion about you.

You crept as stealthily as you could from the side of their house and stomped your way down the street. You had no idea which way the market was, but you were determined to figure it out. You weren’t too fragile. You weren’t some pathetic thing to be pitied. You had been nothing but resourceful and clever for the past two years. 

You weren’t some tragic entity that had to be coddled. You were a survivor, dammit. Just like everyone else in this world, you had simply been surviving. Sure, you were on edge, but that was understandable given the circumstance you’d been in. Why wasn’t anyone giving you any damn credit for all the good things you’d managed?

The sound of voices called you back to your task. You looked around and noticed the condensed sound of people talking was coming from just past the greenhouses and stables. You walked around until you found a pathway to what had to be mainstreet. You pretended to not be agitated at the swarms of people all around you. You pretended even more to not be agitated whenever one of them did a double take at your battered appearance. You willed your focus onto finding the food store. 

You pushed through the small crowd until you found the market. You huffed indignantly at everyone who had doubted your abilities. You had already made it to the market completely alone, and it wasn’t even difficult. Maybe once you got back and Susan told everyone how confident and great you were, they would all stop being so overly sympathetic. Adrenaline was buzzing in your veins, and you let it carry you through.

You straightened up and entered the store with your head held high. You were going to march right up to the counter and discuss the best way to spend the ration slips Susan had given you in conjunction with the shopping list. Yes, you could do this. You could definitely do this. Prove everyone wrong.

You deflated a bit when nobody was behind the counter. You scoured the aisles, although you weren’t sure exactly what you were looking for. You doubted the person running the store today would have on a uniform or something that would signal them from the rest of the crowd. Ever determined to make your case of self-sufficiency, you grabbed a fabric bag you saw other shoppers using to hold their items and started to shop.

Four carrots. Done. Easy. Chicken broth. Check. You were running on a victory high as you searched for your third item. You were really doing it. You were actually doing this!

“Hey, you’re a new face,” a friendly voice said from beside you. “Need any help?”

You nearly jumped backward into a crate of pickled vegetables before catching yourself. A young man with a big smile looked on curiously. “Didn’t mean to startle ya,” he chuckled nervously. He eyed your bruises curiously but veered on the edge of gawking.

You couldn’t move. Shit. You hadn’t even thought about if you were going to have to talk to somebody, a stranger, a man …. which was so incredibly shortsighted. All you had seen except for Maria and Susan had mostly been men. And there was Ellie, too. Three off the top of your head, compared to … Your much too short list of female residents catapulted your anxiety. You attempted to speak, but your lip just wobbled. 

“You okay? Do you need help?” he asked. When he stepped forward with his arm extended as though he was going to place it near your elbow, you could only think to scream.

“Hey! Kevin! Can you come zero out this scale? I can’t get it to go back to save my life!” another man yelled out from behind a counter at the back of the store. “Yeah, be there in a sec,” Kevin called back.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back to help you, okay?” he offered. He considered you briefly before turning and walking to the back. You doubled over and let out the breath you had been holding and preparing to release in a frenzied screech. You felt clammy all over, but you forced yourself to find cover. You darted around the corner and found a small gap in between a wall and a display shelf where you quickly wedged yourself. 

Your rapid inhales outpaced your exhales, and you squeezed your eyes shut in concentration. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay you silently chant to yourself. You are relatively safe in between the wall and this solid expanse of shelf. You would just stay here for a minute until you can get a hold of yourself.

“I thought that was you,” Ellie’s voice floated into your hideaway. Your entire body jerked violently at her unexpected appearance. “What are you hiding from? Are you stuck?”

You shook your head and placed all your attention on even, regular breaths.

“You’re, like, shaking. And breathing funny,” she added.

You shook your head again, more forcefully this time, hoping she’d just leave you alone.

“Yeah, it’s her,” Ellie said quietly over her shoulder. Your stomach bottomed out when you realized who she must be talking to. Joel’s large frame filled the entire gap as he moved to stand behind Ellie. His eyebrows were cinched, and you couldn’t discern what his expression meant. You started to shake more as you stared up at him, his expression turning into a probing appraisal of your current predicament. You couldn’t take it anymore. You clutched the fabric shopping bag and shut your eyes as tight as you could.

Your tremulous whimpers almost echoed in the cramped spot you had squeezed yourself into. Like an idiot, you had left yourself no exit except the single one Joel was now blocking. You were just going to go into your blank headspace. You didn’t have any other choice. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen, and you couldn’t stop it.

“Hey. You just stay put. I’m gonna turn around. Ellie’s gonna hang close and act like she’s shoppin’ for stuff, and I’m gonna make like I’m lookin’ at a list. I should be able to cover this gap. Nobody’ll see you that way, alright? You just pull on my jacket when you’re ready to come out,” Joel explained so quietly and softly it actually startled you. 

Your eyes opened in time to see him nod once before turning his back to you and obstructing  your mortifying scene from other patrons. You were trembling, but the complete turnaround from what you had expected was bewildering enough to snap you back into the moment.

You allowed yourself to sink into the dark eclipse that Joel provided. His broad frame also managed to mute out most of the sounds in the store, making your constricted hideout feel more like a cocoon. You pulled in a measured, full breath. A few moments later, you had another one. Then two in a row. You took in the light around Joel’s head and studied the pattern of little swirls of his wavy, peppered hair. It always helped to have something to focus on. Eventually your lips stopped tingling, and you had feeling back in your legs. Your normal train of thought was kicking into gear again as well as you wondered to yourself what in the actual fuck is happening right now? How did you go from confidently picking out carrots to having a full on meltdown? Tommy and Maria were never going to let you stay after this. Not after this second humiliating encounter with Joel and Ellie.

You didn’t want to leave your spot. Leaving meant you had to touch Joel, and you were still nervous at his size and deep voice. It took a few minutes to reason with yourself that if a small, young girl like Ellie manages to be around him with no problem, then you could trust him with this. Right? And he had stayed on the porch that day. He could’ve walked down to keep a closer watch on Ellie, but instead he seemed to understand you were terrified and opted to give you your space. 

You weren’t being fair to him. Hell, you weren’t being fair to Kevin. God knows the store clerk was probably looking for you by now, wondering where the jumpy, crazed woman had run off to. Wouldn’t it just be fitting for him to discover you barricading yourself? 

You drew in a long, steady  breath and  filled  your lungs as much oxygen as you could manage in the tight space. After counting to ten, you released it.

Kevin wasn’t going to discover you had run and hid. He wouldn’t be able to, because Joel had taken it upon himself to help you. He stood patiently, blocking you from view. A barrier between your panicked freefall and the rest of the world. You owed him a tiny bit of trust. He and Ellie both. They had earned it.

Your hand shook as you tentatively grabbed at the back of Joel’s coat. When he didn’t move, you realize you barely had any of it in your grasp. You rallied yourself and balled a large chunk into your fist the second time. Joel moved only enough to look over his shoulder to be sure it was your signal he was sensing.

You steeled yourself as he turned to face you.

“You okay to stay or do you need to go?” he asked quietly, slowly working through each word so you could catch what he was saying. When your eyes darted to the door and back to him, he nodded in understanding. Ellie flashed into view with an unabashed curiosity over the little spell you were having. Your face scrunched up at the scrutiny.

“Oh fuck, why are you making that face? Oh my god,  is she gonna puke or something, Joel? I canNOT handle throw up, Joel! You know I can’t do that shit,” Ellie protested.

“Will you shut the hell up, Ellie?!” Joel snipped. He motioned for her to return to where she had just been and grumbled something under his breath. When he turned his attention back to you, you could see his effort to subdue any pointed tone or demeanor.

 “You here alone?” You nod once, and he gives a disapproving grunt.

“Is it okay if Ellie does your shopping? You wouldn’t be here if you’n Susan didn’t need somethin’ to eat.” He was right. You were going to show up empty handed and make Susan miss a meal, all because you thought you could handle yourself. Perhaps worst of all, you were going to prove everyone who doubted you to be in the right.

“Yes,” you sigh. You hand the bag to him, and he passes it to Ellie who was just out of sight. “List in the bag?”  You shake your head no and wince when your arm catches against the wall as you went to retrieve the list from your pocket. 

“If you can, come on outta there. Probably haven’t been able’ta take a full breath for at least 30 minutes now.”

Thirty minutes? You had been shoved back here for 30 minutes? Your eyelids snapped closed in an effort to hide yourself away again. How was it that this felt harder than just being Sam’s prisoner? Why did this feel like so much more work?

“C’mon,” Joel entreated, extending his hand to help you vacate your hiding place. You accepted the gentle pull of Joel’s hand as you wiggled your way out from your hiding spot. When you finally emerged, you couldn’t find it in yourself to meet anyone’s gaze. You maintained the grip you had on Joel’s hand, needing the point of contact for just a moment longer as you adjusted to the bustling market again.

When you made no move to fish your list from your pocket, Ellie piped up, “One of us could get your list? Which pocket is it in?” 

That was more motivation than you needed to scramble for it yourself. You jerked the crumpled paper in Ellie’s direction and stared at the ground. You stood there, minding the pattern of the flooring, while Joel ran down Ellie’s task of completing your shopping for you. Because that’s what you needed. You couldn’t even finish a shopping trip by yourself. Pathetic.

When you made the mistake of elevating your gaze, a curious face had settled on where yours and Joel’s hands were clasped together. Who was that? You recognized his face. Someone from your rescue team? No. Somebody you had seen on your first day, though. In the room when Maria had brought him in. He was the one who had detailed all the green jacketed men from the group of slavers. And he had been able to confirm along with Tommy that Sam really had been killed.

What was his name? Jefferson? Jordan? Jason? 

Yes, that was it. Jason. It was Jason who had a quizzical eye on your hands. His eyebrows lifted as he glanced to Joel,who was still engrossed in his conversation with Ellie, and it was as if it Jason found it more strange of a sight to see Joel holding your hand than it was to see you being comfortable enough to hold his. Jason caught your gaze when his eyes shifted over to you, and you quickly spun and tucked your face behind Joel’s arm.

Your hands twisted together in a contorted, unnatural bend as you turned, and you released your grasp. Instead of that point of contact, you settled for the pinch of Joel’s cuff between three of your fingers as you kept your face concealed. “Miller,” you heard Jason offer in a short greeting. “Watts,” came Joel’s gruff response that you could feel resonating through his middle from his heavy timbre.

“Ready?” he asked in a noticeably softer tone when he turned his attention back to you. He didn’t ask why you had let go of his hand or why you had repositioned yourself. It seemed he wasn’t bothered with whatever impromptu transition you jumped to. He had that same calming certainty about him that Maria also possessed, but the way he carried himself was more decisive and self-assured. Combine that with his stature and physique, and you had one hell of a formidable individual. The same formidable individual who was letting you latch onto his good graces and sleeve cuff all while helping you spare yourself the humiliation of a very public breakdown.

You hugged an arm around yourself and bobbed your head in acknowledgement. Joel started for the exit, and you followed close behind in the path he carved out for you. Because this entire ordeal hadn’t been excruciating enough, the universe decided to add one more little flourish to your outing.

A small girl nearly tripped you when she zoomed around your legs and dove behind some crates. The same crates you had almost bowled over when Kevin had merely extended a greeting. The reminder of that calamity returned you to the task of fine tuning a strategy for survival when Tommy and Maria inevitably kicked you out of Jackson.

Joel stopped short in front of you when a stressed looking woman came barreling around the corner. “Samantha?!” she trumpeted with equal worry and irritation. You and Joel were merely the latest conscripts of several in the disgruntled patrons she failed to heed.  Her attention was monopolized in search of someone. That someone was undoubtedly the little girl who had almost knocked you over and was now holding back a devilish giggle somewhere behind the crates. You glanced over your shoulder and saw her shoe sticking out. She completely ignored her mother’s calls, which only worked the woman up more.

“Sam! This isn’t funny!” her mother shouted as she brushed past you without a single glance, even when she knocked against your shoulder.

Your mind was already shot after today’s failed endeavor, and your body had been shot long before that. Still, the call of his name formed you into an unmoving mass. 

It wasn’t his name at all. It was the little girl’s!  Samantha. It wasn’t Sam. It wasn’t him. He was dead. Tommy killed him. He was dead. You had even seen Jason today. He was real. He was proof you hadn’t imagined all this. Sam wasn’t here. You were safe. It was okay. Everything was going to be okay. You just needed to breathe.

You couldn’t talk yourself out of it. Logic didn’t matter right now. It was too late. Your brain shifted over into  full blown panic. Joel’s face seemed close to yours, but it was blurry. Was he really standing that close? You couldn’t tell. Little white spots danced in your vision, and everything sort of melted together. Sound. Sight. Feeling. It had all been pushed so far that it apparently just shut down entirely. Normally you could just go to the spot in your mind before any of this happened, but you hadn’t been quick enough.

Warmth on the side of your face was the first thing you could discern when your senses started coming back to you. The sun shone around Joel’s head, blocking its rays from your face.

Were you outside? How did you get outside?

“–because the last time you went sideways. I’m tryna touch you the least I can, honey, but I can’t have you fallin’ out.” Joel was talking. How long had he been talking? What had he said? 

Touching you? Falling? Touching? Was he touching you?

Your hands reflexively shot to the warmth you felt on your face, and your palms landed squarely on top of Joel’s large hands where they sat cradling your face.

He attempted to get a response from you when he saw you were getting your bearings.

“You with me now? Can you give me a nod or somethin’ to let me know you’re with me?”

His face was inches from yours. You could feel his breath fanning on your lips. His eyes searched yours expectantly, waiting for an answer. You focused your attention on him and jerked your head once.

“Alright. If I let go, you gonna hold yourself?” He sounded hesitant to transfer that responsibility to you just yet. He was bent down to be eye level with you, and his brown eyes seemed so vivid against the dull, hazy halo of your surroundings. You tightened your grip over Joel’s hands, and he frowned in concentration as he studied your face for answers.

“You want me to stay like this?” he surmised. Unable to find the words to tell him yes, you pressed his hands harder into your face, ignoring the sharp pain it generated against your already bruised cheek.

“Quit that. Gonna leave a mark,” he gently scolded. “I’ll stay here. You don’t hafta push my hands into you like that.”

You stood still for a moment while Joel cradled your face. You used his unmoving hands and wrists as a point to ground yourself. You experimentally pulled and pressed into his skin, drawing your eyes closed in concentration. He was steadfast and solid. And warm. A soft warm in between all the cold winter air. You could tether yourself to the here and now through him.

“Where are we?” you whisper. You open your eyes and flit them between unfamiliar buildings and signs that were coming into focus.

“Side alley to the market. Away from prying eyes,” he answered tersely. It was like he was trying to give you the most comprehensive explanation in the fewest words. Like you couldn’t handle more than that at the moment.

“Outside?” you wondered. You hoped Joel understood you knew you were outside but you weren’t sure of how you got here. You don’t remember anything after Samantha’s mother rushed past you and Joel turning to find you in whatever state you had been rendered into.

“Hauled you outta there. Sorry. You froze up. Cryin’. Weren’t talkin’. Made the decision to get you away from it,” he further explains.

“Fuck,” was all you could manage at hearing what a embarrassment you had made of yourself. And to think you had actually believed you were going to make it out of there without ending up a public disgrace.

“Don’t start on that. Only gonna get yourself worked up again,” Joel warns. He was right. It wouldn’t take much right now to send you over the edge again. “Mhm,” you obey.

He slowly lowered the pair of your hands from your face and assessed your ability to keep yourself upright since that had apparently been a struggle for you a few minutes ago. With your hands steady at your side, Joel rested his against his thighs to keep himself at your level.

“Can you walk? Think you can make it back to your house?”

“I don’t– I just,” you waffled. Your legs worked. You could feel them again. You tested a step forward but stumbled backwards when you realized you were stepping closer to Joel. For some reason, you hadn’t connected the dots that stepping towards Joel meant you’d be, well, stepping towards Joel. Apparently the circuitry of your brain was hardwired for idiocy today.

“Not too steady,” he concluded.

You stood quietly, trying to formulate a way to get back to your house. Figuring out what you were going to tell Susan would have to come via divine intervention on the way back.

“Not that I couldn’t manage it, but I don’t think carryin’ you is the best idea,” he admits. You silently agree. You probably couldn’t tolerate someone holding you right now, even if it was done to help. Too often it had been done to restrain. You shake your head. No. Definitely not something you can do right now.

“Same thing I’m thinkin’ about havin’ an arm around you,” he adds. Again, he was correct. His hands on your face had been about as much externally initiated contact as you could handle, even though it hadn't been upsetting to you. 

Your mind and your body hardly worked in sync. It was as if only one could be occupied at a time, and the unused portion had to play catch up later. If it was an extrinsic stimuli, it was a struggle to manage the intake and process it correctly. Sometimes what your mind filtered out was recorded in detail by your body. Sometimes your body was numb while your mind spiraled. Never really working together, never really communicating adequately so that the two would receive the same messages. You were fractured into pieces that didn’t seem to want to be whole again.

You weren’t going to make Joel waste his entire afternoon working through ways to help you that would ultimately have to get turned down because you were too much of a fuck up to handle it.

You lurch forward and wind your arms around one of Joel’s. You were pleasantly surprised to find that he didn’t seem to struggle with holding onto your weight for a moment as you steadied yourself. Of course it shouldn’t be surprising. This man’s commanding physique was most of the reason why you had found yourself so afraid of him. Of course he could hold your weight. 

He could probably throw you down the length of this alley if he wanted to. 

You push the intrusive thought from your head.

“You jus’ gonna hold on like that? Walk next to me?” Joel searched for clarification.

“Yeah. If’is okay w’you,” you mumble into his jacket sleeve.

“Just fine with me, honey. Not me I’m worried about,” he huffed in a humorless laugh.

Worried? He was worried about you?

You clutched onto Joel’s arm as he guided you both to your row of houses. “Coupla options,” he started. “Can go to yours and Susan’s. She’s gonna be on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon. Can go to mine and Ellie’s. Sit outside and wait. Also fine to go inside if you don’t wanna risk somebody seein’ you.”

The idea of Susan fussing over you right was enough to start a whole new wave of anxiety. Sitting on the porch and waiting was a good option, but imagining Tommy, Maria, or Susan catching sight of you made it less appealing. Going inside Joel’s house with him… alone… 

You should just sit on the porch.

“Inside. Yours,” you blurt out. What the hell you snap at yourself.

“You sure?” Joel watched you with such intensity that it made you want to look away.

“Yes,” you answer quickly. Oh my fucking god what is wrong with you.

“Alright. You leave if it’s not feelin’ safe, you hear me?” he demanded.

You look up at him with absolute bewilderment. “I-Yes. I guess? O-Okay. I will,” you comply. Fleeing an unsafe situation was a new concept for you. You had forgotten for a moment that it was even an option.

Joel helped you up the steps to his front door and unlocked it before pushing it open and stepping aside. “After you,” he insisted. You took a deep breath and stepped into his house.

Her keeping Tommy's jacket just makes me

Poor thing had an absolute menty b in that market. Fuckin' Samantha and her bitch ass mom ugh. Between that and Ellie freaking out over nonexistent vomiting, this really is the "MANNNN, FUCK THEM KIDS" chapter lmao.

Catch ya later, 

♥Puddles♥

[whump-or-whatever]

I might have made a post about this before but whatever if so I’m doing it again.

I absolutely love when whumpee is made an example of. When their torture at the hands of whumper is displayed to others to make a point.

This could be done via torture in front of a crowd; a video which is streamed, broadcasted, e-mailed, mailed, left as a physical copy for caretaker to find, etc.; whumper calling caretaker so they can hear what’s happening or whumpee wearing a wire to the same effect; sending pictures, or what have you. I suppose sending body parts could also work to some degree.

In any case, the primary reason that whumper is hurting whumpee is to put on a show for others to see. Whumper’s actions are pointless without some sort of audience.

The purpose of this can be to prove Whumper’s personal power, or whumpee’s personal weakness. It could stand for the ultimate triumph of Whumper’s cause or side, or the failure of whumpee’s. It could be a lesson to others not to follow in whumpee’s footsteps, or a fear tactic to make people do as whumper says. Or it could just be to gloat or get revenge.

The fact that someone else is witnessing what whumper is doing increases the suffering for both whumpee and the witnesses.

Whumpee might be embarrassed at how vulnerable they are and the fact that this shows weakness. They might also be upset that caretaker is going to know exactly what happened and worry that it will change how caretaker see them. Alternatively, whumpee might be upset because they know caretaker will blame themself for whats happening even though it’s not their fault.

Caretaker, of course, probably does blame themself and gets angrier the longer it goes on. If they can, they might beg whumper to stop. Knowing what exactly is being done but still being unable to help makes everything a hundred times worse.

And the entire time whumper is using the duality of the situation to their advantage. They taunt both whumpee and the audience. They humiliate whumpee and use that to instil fear or piss off those watching.

Whumper says things like: “your beloved caretaker is watching” | “see how even the mighty whumpee is no match for me” | “now everyone can see how pathetic you are” | “caretaker, if you want them come and get them” | “this should be a lesson to all of you that there are consequences for disobedience” | “I have waited for this moment for so long and now everyone will witness my revenge”

The best part of all is when whumper is trying to make a point, but in order to make the point they actually have to break whumpee, but whumpee just will not break. So the torture just goes on and on to the point where whumper is tired, whumpee is nearly delirious, and everyone watching just wants whumpee to give in to end their own suffering. Still, whumpee refuses.

This may or may not be my favourite whump trope of all time, in case y’all couldn’t tell. (Although I suppose it’s technically a combination of many tropes.)

[salmalin]

So I have thoughts about Roche, Queerness, themes related to Modern Christianity in regards to Conversion Therapy, and the Sephiroth Cloning Effects in FFVIIR. Which, uh… I realize are extremely strange topics to connect, but bear with me here.

(Spoilers under the cut.)

It starts specifically with thoughts about how Roche is flamboyant and fun and weird, and he’s also unapologetic about that. Thoughts about how his fight scene in Part 2 involve him exclusively on his bike, and how he’s weak to fire. He’s dramatic, invites others to the “party”, and makes a spectacle about everything. He involves his bike in every attack, too.

I’m also thinking about that last fight scene—after the procedure. I think about how he said he was disobeying orders. So who brought him there? His friends in the army? And honestly, the moment the scene started, I knew he wouldn’t come out of the other end of the battle. Why? Well:

1. He leaps out of a container full of people instead of bringing them with him. He has abandoned the audience and his fans and very literally left them behind.

2. He destroys his bike himself and doesn’t even flinch, then he fights on foot, suddenly without his bike but still demanding Cloud’s best despite having thrown away his ability to do his own.

3. He’s not even weak to fire anymore. Which means not only has he thrown away all his strengths, but all his weaknesses, as well.

Over the course of that scene, followed by the disappointing fight to follow, it becomes abundantly clear that Roche has lost all sense of himself. His ability to maintain himself leaves even before his will and honor, which is very in-character for him. Almost nothing remains of the man he was except his honor. But also the fact that they lay this out first is such in-your-face symbolism… It’s honestly a big reason why I’ve been enjoying the remake of 7 so much.

Roche lost every bit of himself piece by piece before our very eyes, and we watch the last of him slide off and become swallowed by Sephiroth’s ego, and that honestly drives home just how powerful Sephiroth’s ego is, and just how terrifying it is. How destructive.

I also think it’s incredibly beautiful to apply a story-line like this to a character who—let’s be real here—reads as unbelievably queer. Like holy hell. This man brought a brass band to a knife fight. His ego and his honor shine through even through the end. Even after every part of him is taken from him, someone else’s will hammered into his body and mind…

The Sephiroth Cloning technique, through this lens, reads a lot like Conversion Therapy.

Those subjected to this specific brand of torture are forced to conform to the identity of another, their initial personality lost and distorted as they are directed to bend to the will and desires of another. Most of them die before reaching the end, usually through the action of moving itself. They shuffle along, mindless, with nothing to them beyond this horrible trek to serve another’s purpose—a being that is beyond the reach of mortals; a being that has died and returned to their World through the touch of their (Father in Heaven) Mother.

Cloud comes out the other end after years of this and barely even has a sense of self left, if you can even call it that at that point. Heck, if Advent Children is still canon, this means he’s still so messed up by guilt years after the fact that he doesn’t even know how to be happy, or to bring himself to be around others for long periods of time. He fundamentally does not remember who he was before, basing his identity around a man who was not compatible with the cloning technique and managed to escape. However, this puts MORE holes in his head and his story because this is not who he is. He is pretending to be something he cannot even remember. You know. Like horrible PTSD from being in a Conversion Therapy Camp for just shy of five years.

I’m gonna stop myself here or I’ll go on for ages. Regardless, food for thought.

[burst-of-iridescent]

so i just went through your entire anti-lok tag and everything you said in it was SO WELL WRITTEN. i wanted to ask if you might have any analyses or anything (or just good old rants! we love being bryke haters) - about something that i noticed, which is this sort of... ATLA/TLOK dichotomy between how all aang's villains seem to be focused on gaining power/dominating the world or whatever, but the villains in TLOK seem to revolve around very pointed targeting of korra and specifically stripping her of her agency/bodily autonomy, but i don't know how to expand on that point.

(idk just. TLOK has a whole list of scenes that make me VIOLENTLY uncomfortable in a way even the worst of ATLA doesn't? and i thought you might have some input to share about it, if you don't mind me asking)

thank you sm!! i'm glad you enjoy my lok and bryke salt <33

i know what you mean, because it's something that struck me when i was watching lok as well. korra's villains are far more personal to her (particularly in what they do to her, or want from her) than azula or ozai or even zhao ever were to aang, and while that isn't necessarily a bad thing (in fact it can often be good to have a personal relationship between your hero and villain; just look at how much more impactful and meaningful zuko and azula's arc was compared to aang and ozai's), there is a way to do it right and that was... not what bryke did.

we didn't need to see korra brutally bloodbent and stripped of her bending, or brutally attacked by unalaq, or brutally tortured by the red lotus or - you got it - brutally beaten up by kuvira (over and over again, might i add). i'm not saying that violence never has its place in storytelling, but it needs to have an actual purpose that's not just shock value. atla, for instance, knew when and how to utilise violence: the sight of gyatso's skeleton in the southern air temple, aang's murder by azula, even katara bloodbending... the violence in all of those scenes was necessary either to communicate vital information to the audience, or drive home the emotive and narrative significance of the moment, or both.

in lok though, bryke hardly, if ever, achieved either of these objectives - especially because it was mainly only ever korra who got the brunt of the violence. no other character is repeatedly targeted and assaulted and violated even half as much as korra is, even when they're facing the same antagonists. tenzin's fight against the red lotus in book 3 gets a tasteful pan to black (one of the few times i think bryke did use violence purposefully; knowing what not to show is just as important as knowing what to show, and leaving the audience with the dread of tenzin's fate was actually sadder and more terrifying than letting us see what happened to him) but korra's agonizing torture at the hands of the red lotus is so long and drawn-out that it begins to veer into torture porn.

imo, this can probably be attributed to two things: 1) bry.ke thinking trauma = character development because they don't know how else to write a good character arc (and they still somehow fucked it up - i will never forgive them for making korra thank zaheer, of all people, for helping her overcome her trauma, like what the absolute fuck bry.ke), and 2) they wanted lok to be "more mature" than atla, which shows both that they fundamentally didn't understand atla, or what constitutes good storytelling, and also that someone desperately needs to tell them that simply upping the violence and hamfistedly handling "complex" topics does not maturity make.

(given the way bryke has written women, i also have to side-eye the fact that the strong-willed, independent, brown female protagonist is beaten and battered and torn down far more than the peaceful, affable light-skinned male protagonist ever is, even during an actual war.)

and of course, contrary to what our dear bryke probably expected, simply brutalizing korra season after season in the name of shock value and development did not, to anyone else's surprise, make lok the better show in the end.

[leastdatablebracket]

ROUND 1, MATCH 64

Propaganda under the cut!

Lucio Morgasson

He's the villain in everyone else's route, and even in his own he's STILL kind of a dick. Like, everything bad he did before the game begins happens exactly the same, and it's only when he begins that he gets better (as in he regrets his actions and tries to fix it (it being a plague. He caused a plague because he wanted more power. (Spoilers: the plague killed the MC))). All the other romanceable characters still hate him tho so that's good. The one thing he's got going for him is that in one ending, he stepped down from being the count (idk about the other)

He literally caused a plague that kills thousands of people including THE PLAYER 😭 LIKE HE LITERALLY KILLS YOU DAWG

He is simply the worst. I'm pretty sure he purposefully infected his kingdom with the plague. He made a deal with the devil maybe. Gonna be real with you I haven't finished his storyline.

imagine a guy who is both incredibly pathetic and willing to screw over absolutely everyone for fun. lots of fun as a character, absolute dogwater as a partner

He has directly tortured or somehow harmed all the other romancable characters and every other route tries to kill the mc to take over their body, is also responsible for a plague that killed a large portion of his kingdom and *spoiler* killed the MC

I'll admit I haven't played his route but that's cause he's such a pathetic icky man that I don't think I actually can. And I pride myself in completing every route. I know people like their pathetic meow meows but I want to hit him with a brick

He acts as a manchild who needs someone to guide him through life and show him the difference between right and wrong when I'm pretty sure he's in his forties or fifties. He also abuses his power to do horrible things to people he's not in a romantic relationship with, which should tell you a lot about him.

He’s a selfish asshole who is the villain in every other route and he’s a punk ass bitch I wanna kick his ass so hard his skeleton disintegrates as he fucking deserves 

Dude, he SUCKS. He's the villain in every other route. He's a horrible husband, he forced Muriel to fight for his entertainment, he makes deals that he can't pay for. He threatens and pouts and is obsessed with people loving him. I've been with the Arcana since the very beginning and he wasn't meant to be a romance option, but the writers basically went with it because there was such a demand. So embarrassing to see Lucio fans being like Lucio did nothing wrong ever. Falling all over themselves to blame his mom or Nadia or Asra or anyone else for Lucio's selfishness and shitty behavior. It was peak uwu he's A BABY fan dementia that excuses all his shitty actions because nothing was his fault. The only sane Lucio fans are the ones that are like "he sucks so much <3 I can make him worse."

He's literally described by the devs as flaming trash. He is literally only nice in his route and the main antagonist (or at the very least a jerk) in every other route. he was a very bad husband to ex-wife. he is literally - and with 0 exaggeration- a plague upon the country he ruled. he's also a grown man who calls his fuck ups "oopsies" and honestly, i love him but that gives me the ick.

Cullen Rutherford

stupid racist cop creep whose fans cry about how hes "changed" and "you can't judge him he was addicted to magic drugs" nah he still chose to be a racist cop and abuse his power over innocent people and i hate him. the writers making him romanceable in da:i after how blatantly horrible he was in da:o and da:2 is baffling but i guess they had to appeal to the part of their audience who watch those "mafia boyfriend" videos on tiktok or whatever

He's creepy in origins, though still 100% willing to kill the female mage pc he's crushing on, as well as all the other mages trapped in the circle with him. He's the second-in-command in an even worse circle in 2, listening to and defending the increasingly obviously insane meredith until literally the end. He's one of the people still pushing for the circle system by inquisition, and yes he's going through withdrawals and working through the traumas of previous games. And to be brutally honest his was the first romance i took and while i don't remember much from it, its not worth all the girls going absolutely nuts over knockoff terrible alistair.

He's basically a cop who thinks being born a certain way can revoke personhood and by Inquisition still thinks mages are monsters to be controlled, not people. He gets a fairy tale cutesy romance that focuses on his personal struggles with addiction while showing absolutely no regard to the atrocities he committed and still thinks were justified. He can be romanced BY A MAGE and his actions and beliefs are just glossed over. He believes mages are 'not people like you (Hawke) and me', but if the Warden was a female mage he canonically had a crush on her and would deliberately hang around her despite the fact that he was her *jailer*. If that Warden romanced Leliana, there is war table dialogue in which he pesters Leliana for news of his 'former' crush despite her repeated statement that she doesn't want to talk to him about her. All this shitty behavior and lack of introspection gets swept under the rug by the game, not even giving the PC the chance to really challenge his beliefs. Like damn even Fenris could apologize when he lashed out due to past trauma with mages, and if anyone has a reason to hate mages it's Fenris. If you want an ex Templar hottie Alistair is RIGHT THERE. Tbh I know Cullen is a popular romance and I'm not here to tell anyone what they can or can't do or like in a video game, I'm just saying I think he is deeply undateable

Spends the first two games as an antagonist, fervently devoted to the cause of subjugating mages, then a bunch of "character development" happens off screen and the games treat him like he's completely reformed. However he's actions make it clear he still sees mages as dangerous and lesser. Not to mention if you romance him with an elf he doesn't pay your culture more than lip service respect like most of the devout characters 

He was a total villain in the first two games who was violently prejudiced against mages and uses one single bad experience as an excuse for it (a bad experience that is pretty much exactly what he in his job subjected graduating apprentices to, mind you, but this is never brought up). Now he says he's changed, but his words and actions say otherwise. He still distrusts mages, sympathises with the rebel Templars trying to kill them, and he never owns up to the terrible stuff he did and helped others do in the past two games. He totally knew what Meredith was doing and says he doesn't, and he still tries to defend her intentions. And you have no option to call him out on it. If you romance him as a mage, he angsts about how he might have seen you as subhuman in the past but NOW you're one of the good ones, and when you ask him if he'll kill you if you get possessed, he dodges the question. And the PC is written as being almost sad that she's a mage? Like 'can you love me despite what I am??' Also if Leliana romanced a female mage PC in the first game who is still alive, he asks her creepy questions about their relationship. Fitting considering his original purpose was to be creepy to the female mage Warden. 

I hate him and want to cause chaos. Plus his VA is an asshole.

cop

[mestos]

kir appreciation post (m26 edition)

let the movie marinate in my head for a night and i still cant stop thinking about how from start to finish kir comes back to the franchise and absolutely one ups every other noc character for me

from the very beginning they introduce her character and bring in her values as a person: for an audience who doesnt remember who she is especially its very refreshing because right from the bat you know three things:

theres an obvious chase scene going on, but she's unwilling to catch the prey, meaning her allegiances lie elsewhere

her heart is in helping people, and risks her own cover AND life in the process

and that she's not above feeling fear about how close she was to screwing everything she's worked up for up until that moment.

the cold open shows us three things immediately about kir that sets the scene for her role in the movie, way better than how she's essentially been forgotten by our floating timeline canon. now you can argue these traits are absolutely present across our current babygirls bourbon (furuya) and former member rye (akai), but with kir (hidemi hondou) the way she actively faces consequences for her defiance (getting shot multiple times, both in movie 20 and movie 26) sets her from a different bar from those two

her next scene is when she's tying up the kidnapped haibara

which is a great scene overall because it furthers her position as a woman of heart and someone who stands away from the org, but also because it is an extremely subtle nod that makes use of her high perceptiveness that was present all the way from her introduction arc BACK IN EPISODE 425

where she sees immediately through conan's cheap ass lie but makes no effort to bring light to it. in fact, that whole case, you can straight up argue she KNEW she was being wire tapped the whole time. its nice that it made a comeback 18 years later

BACK TO THE MOVIE, THOUGH, biggest fave is that in her next scene, we get to see her display the difficulty of being part of an organization that actively goes against her core principles as a person AND brings back traumatic memories for her

as naomi is being psychologically tortured by being forced to watch her dad be assassinated, kir finds this extremely hard to watch. you are then shown the flashback of what made her into a CIA agent today which you know IS KINDA FUCKED UP

like imagine your dad killed himself in front of you. shes shaking with rage but also the core memory of having her beloved father ripped from her hands in pursuit of this seemingly endless goose chase that she's already too deep in to let go

and as naomi is distraught over the death of her father she is reminded of her own position; memories, the harrowing experience of loss and how she is part of the organization that robs lives away from families.

but even after all that it strengthens her resolve to do the right thing.

GIN THIS ENTIRE MOVIE (and arguably the whole franchise) is built up to be the most terrifying enemy for all the parties involved. haibara is traumatized from her experiences with him. conan is actively uneasy at the idea of him being anywhere close. his own damn coworkers still walk on eggshells around him. YET, kir — who had already been fucking shot by gin in the very beginning already — goes toe to toe with gin and challenges him.

THIS GIRL TAKES IT LIKE NO ONE ELSE IN THIS DAMN FRANCHISE

she shows

a) manipulative skill directly. playing on words, feeding on doubt. psychological tactics that she had been trained by the CIA for (a claim they had made 18 years ago but never bothered to show until now)

b) that she's dauntless. she pressed herself against that gun and walked that edge knowing full well she could die should gin feel like it, but also with the confidence that she can and WILL weasel herself out of this situation

AND AT THE END OF THE MOVIE SHE DOES!!!!!!

SHE LIVES AND MAKES IT OUT SAFELY. this girl knows her shit and will live to tell the tale. even if its just plot armour working, it damn feels good to have them show a character worth their salt this way

as an extended bonus, this woman-gaze directed promo art is crazy.

im in love with her actually.