#but there��s been a lot of things happening irl and online that made me go bleh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pineapplerightsideupcake · 1 year ago

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maybe kinda random but you give good advice so I wanna hear your thoughts. I feel really lonely due to living in a small town, not being able to make friends in hs bc my toxic parents never let me go anywhere. I have 2 irl friends that I love and appreciate but they work a lot so we rarely text or see each other bc they’re always so busy/tired. I wish I had more friends so I wouldn’t feel so lonely. I’ve tried dating apps, online spaces, etc but nothing worked. And if I made a (online) friend they’ve ghosted me for whatever reasons. I’m trying so hard to stay positive but I really hate my life (being stuck in a toxic household tryna save money in this economy…) not having anyone to have meaningful connections with makes it worse. Idk what to do. These days I’ve been thinking a lot about s*icide even tho I’m a coward and won’t do it. The only thing that makes me feel better is disassociating and pretending like I’m someone else or in a different situation. But I can’t do that forever…. I could go more in depth but I don’t wanna burden you. I’m wondering how can I make friends and actually feel like life’s worth living?

If you’re in your early twenties, I have good news! No part of your life will ever be as hard as it is right now. I’ve been right where you are. Depressed and lonely and suicidal. I felt like there was no escape. But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

My first bit of advice is that nothing external is going to fill the emptiness in you. It’s a wound that needs to heal and self love and fulfillment have to happen before anything else can. And those words look big right now because we don’t do a good job of talking about how to achieve them in little ways. Ways you can start today.

First pick the easiest thing to motivate you to do something regularly. Therapy is a good start, but for me my healing began when I started cleaning my (actually my dads) house. Cleaning was something I kinda liked and it wasn’t scary because I didn’t have to leave the house. I started by just picking a shelf to organize. Then one thing to scrub. Eventually I was proud of my spotless house and wanted to do things like cut fresh flowers for a nice table. I wanted to go to the store and get a fancy snack or a nice candle. I walked my dogs everyday and being in nature was profoundly healing for me. I picked the things I could do even when I was miserable.

Where you can start is the easy places for you. Maybe you’re more like my sister and need to pour that effort into your job. Or maybe you need to build things like my other sister. Maybe you’re close to a grandparent and can schedule a weekly dinner. I have a friend that started writing fanfiction, then her own novel. I have another friend that works on cars. That started with just tinkering with his own.

And none of those things have to be huge on day one. If you paint, just swirl colors or doodle on day one. If you write, write a paragraph. Do a 100 piece puzzle. Listen to music. Cry if you have to. Forgive yourself for the days you can’t do anything. If you’re self medicating with alcohol/weed/cigarettes try and cut back a tiiiiny bit.

But kids from disfunctional families are set up to fail. Children have very little autonomy to begin with and we spend the first 18-21 years of our lives having life be something that happens TO us. This is even worse in dysfunctional families where you have to sort of float with the current just to survive. Then they push us out the door and say “go live” without any instruction. All your skills and coping mechanisms are built around enduring life and not around building one.

And that’s the big secret. You have to build your life but you also get to. Fill it with things you love and enjoys and prune out the things that stress you out.

And lastly, the way to make friends is the same way you ask someone on a date. Luckily unlike a date, most people are JUST AS DESPERATE FOR A FRIEND AS YOU! People have never been lonelier. My secret is I go out, I do activities. I tell friends to invite other friends, then befriend them. If I run into an old childhood playmate, or college pal or old classmate I follow up on those half baked plans to “get coffee sometime”. Family can be included here too. Maybe you have a chill sibling or cousin.

DnD has been great for me. People hear I DM and so many people are like “oh I’ve always wanted to play” so I invite them! A low stakes way to find a new friend is to talk about a really fun thing you’re doing around coworkers/acquaintances and when someone makes this face 🥺 you say “why don’t you join us/me!”

Or do what my autistic best friend did and I quote “find one really loud but nice extrovert and don’t blast their huge social group with your autism until after you’re their party healer” which is a silly way for me to say that making one friend leads to others.

I could go on and on here but this is an essay already. Hope this helps and isn’t just a stream of consciousness.

#anon ask

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spikeinthepunch · 1 year ago

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rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

#sorry this could have been a shorter post but you know me #also. i cant change my username on all my sites either :/ so #my icon has been blank for this reason btw

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asexual-society · 2 years ago

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hi!! so recently ive been questioning if im aspec but am also v confused. im 13-15 yrs old and have never had a crush on anyone irl, celebrities, etc. im not sure if thats normal or not but i am unlabelled so already being part of the lgbtq community has made me wonder if the fact that ive never had a crush is also related to something lgbtq (aspec). not sure if im aromantic or not but i really dont know how to figure it out. also whenever my friends mention s*x i feel kinda gross but idk.. help

Hey, sorry it took so long to get to this, I wanted to make sure I did a decent job answering it.

So you've not had any crushes! By 13, most (allo) people tend to have had some crushes, both on celebrities and normal people. If you haven't that could be because you're ace, or aro, and you could just be a late bloomer, but if you're 15 and it hasn't happened yet then. maybe it's not going to?

It's totally chill to stay unlabelled or questioning, you don't need to figure everything out right now, you're still super young (and it's fine if you stay unlabelled forever too, just to be clear). I can't tell you if you're ace or aro or otherwise aspec, it sounds to me like you could be so it's totally fine for you to try out those labels, you don't have to keep them, or even tell anyone about them if you don't want, just see how they fit for a while if you want, but it's important to remember that you're trying on a label, not putting yourself in a box.

I don't want it to sound like I'm discouraging you from ID'ing as aspec at all, but it doesn't hurt to keep an open mind. At 13 I ID'd vaguely and secretly as bi on and off for 3 years, I barely even knew asexuality or aromanticism existed, so I'm really glad you have those options to explore. Also, don't worry about the sex repulsion thing, loads of acespec people are sex repulsed, and tbh, so are a lot of people your age, truly you are not the only one, and it might even go away, or get weaker over time. I mean even I'm less sex repulsed now than I was a year ago and I'm in my 20s. It doesn't for everyone, some people's gets worse, but these things are fluid, just like anything.

There are loads of resources you can find online about both (I am currently riddled with executive dysfunction otherwise I'd link them here, but there are a ton already on this and other blogs, as well as AVEN and AUREA), don't knock the efficacy of Am I Ace quizzes if you want a more fun and easy way to get your thoughts in order.

I hope this helps, and if anyone has any resources that might be useful, please share them. <3

- mod key

#ace #asexual #aro #aromantic #asks #mod key #zoeisnotahuman

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mariska · 2 years ago

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here is a lil bit of fun fashion history i learned today and thought might be interesting to share;

so if u know me or have followed me p much anywhere online for the past few yrs especially u probably know i really do not like wearing a lot of modern style clothes (for the most part at least) and if i'm able to i prefer to get thrifted/pre-owned clothes from a whole bunch of different eras (also because Clothes Are Expensive and even if i did prefer modern styles i cant afford a lot of them normally unless huge sales are going on) but primarily my fav styles tend to be anywhere from like late 50's to mid 70's. i am disabled and have been my whole life and i only started being able to have any kind of income of my own in like late 2020 or early 2021 which means i have had a little bit more independence to find cool old clothes that i can afford and actually enjoy wearing, so thats been a huge positive change for me and my identity and getting to feel more like my Genuine Self by passing along clothes i can't or didn't want to wear now in my mid-20's to make room for fun vintage stuff i actually do want to wear.

lately i've been trying to find vintage nightgowns that are both clean/in good wearable condition and not expensive and a few days ago i happened to stumble onto a listing online for a super pretty light blue nylon nightgown in great pre-owned condition for $10 and was like oh my god thats awesome i need to get that; it came in the mail the other day and here's what it looks like:

(the lace is much more white irl, my house has very yellow tinted lighting and my bedroom walls are like the same color green as my comforter sheet here so it tends to make things look more yellow in pics than they actually are lmao)

its got super stretchy elastic around the bust & waist as u can see there so its pretty versatile with the fit and i am just in love with the general style and shape of it so much, very Edwardian Revival which i have a decent amount of in my closet cus i love old takes on even older fashion styles. so anyways i was folding it to put in my pj/nightgown drawer in my room and happened to notice it still had its' original tag on completely in tact on the inner lining near the bust/arm area and found one of my absolute favorite logos to find on vintage clothes tags:

Ladies Garment Union label!!! (International Ladies Garment Workers Union or ILGWU was a large clothing union group that made a lot of vintage clothes thru most of the 1900's and had a lot of different styled and colored tag logos like this on all their work over the decades), now there was not detailed info on the listing for this nightgown when i got it but the seller listed it as 70's era based on the style i assume, which i would've been fine with regardless of actual decade i just rly love comfy retro styles haha, but i was like yeah i can def see this being a 70's nightgown that checks out from my personal experience, but since i just noticed this label tonight i wanted to see if i could find a historical resource list of the different Union logos online because i have quite a few that look almost exactly like this specific tag and almost all of the other ones with it in my closet are from some time in the 60's.

so i found an awesome list with both info and example pictures of the Union tag logos throughout the decades from a site called sammydvintage and i was able to actually pin down the production date of this nightgown to less than a year of when it was made!!!

i know from my own experience that a lot of the 60's to early 70's era tags didn't have color printed on the logo yet so i was pretty sure it was from that general era and sure enough on the reference site i saw a pic of this same style logo with a timeline of 1964-1973; i was satisfied enough with that knowledge and was like yeah makes sense, this is probably early 70's towards the end of that.

NOPE! i read a little more on the page and it mentioned that the example picture on that site had a small (R) on the left side next to the logo, and that the R indicates the tag was printed after the Union trademarked the logo on April 21, 1964, so if you see a tag with that design but no little R, it was made *before* the logo was trademarked. sure enough, if you look at the pic i took of this gown's tag, there's no little R trademark next to the logo!

which means that, according to this site's information which seems very accurate and in-depth, this dress was made anywhere between June 28, 1963 (when the logo design changed from the previous version) to April 21, 1964. how cool is that!?!? i've never been able to ID such a specific less than a year date for a piece of vintage clothing i own before, and i was like 10 years off with my original guess lol!

it would be much more difficult to pin it down further obviously but knowing that new info, if i had to make an updated guess, i'd say this was probably either a Spring (of '64) or Fall/Autumn (of '63) fashion release since it's long and has sleeves but they aren't full-length sleeves and the nylon material is comfy but pretty thin for winter night-wear (it definitely could be though of course, i wouldn't be surprised if this was originally part of a multi-piece set that may have included a similar looking robe, sheer cape, or 'house coat' layer to wear over it since sleepwear sets like that were a very popular thing in 60's nightgown fashion)

i also thought it was cool in that '63-'64 was around the general era of this Edwardian/Victorian/Medieval Regal revival type trend having its early start which eventually helped popularize the style going into the remainder of the 60's and even further into the 70's with the eventual rise in popularity of brands like Gunne-Sax which has kind of become a cult classic icon of 70's 'cottagecore', 'prairie', 'medieval/regal' revival dresses from that era. that '63-'64 date timeline also makes complete sense in a more widespread pop culture way that i can't un-see now that i know when it was made; the 1965 movie version of The Sound Of Music was one of many popular pieces of media from that time that contributed heavily to the general popularization of this mod regal revival dress style, and if you changed the poofiness of the sleeves and lowered the length of my blue nightgown here, it has SUCH a similar silhouette structure to Liesl's "gazebo" dress from the '16 going on 17' music number from that movie:

(bonus Fun Fact Within A Fun Fact: Mitski drew inspiration from that dress when she was working with the costume designers/creators for her 2022 tour outfits and had them made in 4 different colors all together, i believe. its a very good dress 💜)

anyways!!! i just wanted to share this fun deep dive into vintage fashion i unintentionally went on tonight because i am so excited to have learned so much information from such a random nightgown thrifting find. i have a huge special interest not only in the history of vintage fashion/trends/pop culture but also archiving that history and investigating the origins/influences of seemingly mundane bits of every day life in the past so this was such an awesome and exciting discovery to me! definitely makes me want to take out my other clothes with the various Union tags still on them and see if i can narrow down more detailed years for those pieces too 🥰

#this is such a long ramble post i am so sorry LOLLL i was just happy to learn/share this with anyone 😅#fashion #60's fashion #1960's #vintage fashion #thrifted fashion #vintage style #fashion history #long post

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dreamingdormouse · 8 days ago

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Life could use a happy personal story today. Someone online had written a note about edible flowers and romantic fluff, and it made me think of this story from a while back.

First, a bit of background information - I am aware of edible flowers, have been for years, and as a teenager and college student, I liked in particular rose petals. Different breeds TASTE different, and my grandpa's garden (which was on my walking path to somewhere I went at least once a week) had my favorite, a rose that tasted like raspberries. I tried to only pick one petal a week at most, not wanting to spoil the appearance of his roses. (I dislike "rosewater" flavored desserts or pastries because they taste wrong to me, fresh petals taste different... or maybe they're just using the wrong breed of roses.)

Also, my now-husband and I got crushes on each other as very young teenagers who lived in different cities. We continued to live in different cities for the next eight years and kept in contact first by letter and then by phone - we had to buy long-distance calling cards once we started doing that, because this was before either of us had cell phones and we weren't allowed to rack up long-distance charges on the family landlines. We didn't even live in the same city until we got married, but we did take every opportunity to visit each other's cities. I got my cell phone at 17 and I was so happy that, although I had a limited amount of minutes, long distance and local were the same.

Anyway, one July day many years ago, the guy who would eventually become my husband planned to propose to me. We were both in the same city for a big thing, and he had a whole plan worked out - there was a special annual event that evening that was fairly formal-dress, and in our microculture, the event itself was a large-group or family thing, not a date thing. But it was pretty common to go on a date after that particular event if you were dating, or go out with a group of friends if you were single. So he was going to take me out to a restaurant, bring the jewelry box, and propose. I knew about the event, knew we were going out to dinner, didn't know he planned to propose then in particular, but suspected that he was thinking about proposing in general. (He's incredibly sweet and absolutely brilliant, but not actually very subtle.)

Meanwhile, we had the rest of the day off, and both of us could use a few more pieces for our dressier wardrobes, including for the event that evening. So we agreed to go to the mall together, and I packed a picnic lunch.

We had fun making each other laugh while we picked stuff out and hunted through the clearance racks, then we went outside and found a pocket park near the mall. We picked a bench with a wall of rose bushes behind it, kind of hidden from passage by, and had our picnic lunch. It was tasty and the scenery was gorgeous and we were very much in love and surrounded by roses. And my then-boyfriend was absolutely TORN. He had a plan, and this wasn't it, and the jewelry box had been left behind - but the setting was magical!

He was still internally debating when - I honestly don't remember if it was sparked by the conversation or if it was just spontaneous, but I think I was emphasizing something I'd just said - I pulled a petal off one of the roses behind us and ate it.

Apparently this was the last straw. Something along the lines of "Argh, I love you so much, you're ABSOLUTELY INSANE, why are you like this???" He kinda rolled his eyes up to the sky and gave up on his plans, got down on one knee right there and proposed (without the little metallic accessory) and of course I said yes.

We've been married for roughly a decade and a half, we have two kids, and have seen a lot of good things and bad things happen. And for whatever reason, the honeymoon phase never really ended. Our friends called us their "IRL fluff couple" before I knew what that meant, and he STILL thinks eating that petal was adorable, but rolls his eyes at the same time.

#i love him #fluff #story #love #proposal #edible flowers

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baekhvuns · 10 months ago

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Omggg, Baeksy IT'S MEEEE DV ANON! 💖💖💖💖 I fell off the face of the earth, but I have returned. I see you haven't been very active on here either, but what did I miss, how are things, fill me in!? Except the obvious misery... I meant to message you a few times and actually sent an ask a few months ago, but shit glitched and it didn't go through so I gave up 😭 but the news about Lewis made me think of you. Lmao one of my friend's is in shambles she'll have to support Ferrari after years of hating on them. Been there, done that I remember when I got into Griezmann just to find out he played for Atletico then he went to Barca, ahhsajhshsjdhsjaj man hates me so much!!! Or when Fabregas left Arsenal for Barca etc....

A lot happened to me, but nothing much had changed at the same time, hopefully 2024 will be a bit better. 😬

In the meantime I went to the US for some reason, lol, I also went to Vancouver and actually wanted to message you then, but forgot... then I spent some time in Thailand and Korea. Now I'm back in London, but going to Seoul next week for a few months, because of a job. Which I'm kinda excited for, but also not really ashdhsshshshhsn. Potentially I may move there for longer, but we will see...

As for kpop I'm kinda in and out you know? I actually got into some other artists, so I'm not really up to date with Ateez anymore, it's pretty sad, but they don't really bring me joy anymore. I still love Hwa and check on him from time to time, I miss my hardcore Shinestar era :( but it lasted really long so I'm surprised. Maybe I'll be back one day, unfortunately Ateez's recent releases just don't hit and I'm sick and fucking tired of KQ :/ Buuuuut I've been on the roll with kpop concerts, so I feel like I'm more of an irl kpop enjoyer rather than online one if that makes sense.

That's it for my TMI for now <3

WHAT THE FUCK

I JUST LET A SCREAM OUT

WHAT THE FUCK WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

I AM. FBQKDBWMDBWKDHWK SCREAMING. I THOUGHT YOUD ACTUALLY NEVER COME BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE WAY I SAW YOUR ASK AND HAD TO REFRESH BECAUSE NO MF WAY

hOW are you omg??? HOW ARE YOU! how was it been, WHERE have you been 😭😭 how was your travels!! things here are plain boring! in and out of kpop and trying to write something </3 you left for so long that im nearing my graduation this is ridiculous kvjvkckc i also re watched a bunch of 2000’s romcoms and kept thinking of u 😭

omg the lewis news, i woke up to it and it fucked with my mind a bit. like wdym he’s going ferarri? this is like messi going madrid and ronaldo going to barca??? LMFAOOOO YOUR FRIEND HAS TO FORCE HERSELF TO FORZA FERARRI EVERY WEEKEND im so excited but confused for his move, it’s time ferrari brings back the black fireproof just for ham. the mercedes must’ve been absolute shit for him to be sign it with ferrari & earn 100 million? FUCK?

this move is so iconic i can’t fully grasp it,,, anon u have to see him at silvertone in that red car in 2025 PLEASE I BEG! griezmann really said uno reverse on you 😭 & hello klopp is leaving ??? 10 years really coming to and end huh 😭

A lot happened to me, but nothing much had changed at the same time, hopefully 2024 will be a bit better. 😬

we need a ppt doc, pdf, of how things went for you! how was your travels and everything!!! hopping 2024 is good for u and u earn lots <3 i heard it’s a capricorn year so??? 🫡

you went where.

vancouver.

oh.

and you forgot to text me about it.

how dare you.

for all i know. we would’ve crossed paths unknowingly.

wow. i just paced around my room after reading this.

anon omg you should see the devastation on my face when you said you came here HOW DARE YOU! TRAITOR 🔫 WOW IM SO WORKED UP RN HOW DARE YOU BDQKDKWBDKABDDN WHERE DID U GO IN VAN

oooo a new job in sk?? that is so cool, now u can see yuta on the streets often 😭😭 hope you have a good time there!!!

i actually kind of second this,, ive also been in and out of it. song releases just don’t hit anymore from everyone, so my interest is fading. i also miss being a shinestar but i think i got out of it, i just have no interest in it anymore (actually had a small ick that made me go insane but it’s okay now) 😭😭 did/currently going thru a soft yunho phase but like you i haven’t been keeping up with them neither do they show up on my tl often! but concerts are something ill be attending! yeah it totally makes sense! i think a lot the in and out also has to do with the lack of interesting music or just good music in general. WHICH CONCERTS DID YOU GO TOOO?

also anon, i know you said u came here but didn’t shoot me a text about it 🔫 im fortunately and hopefully going for a field school in your england in the coming next year! where i WILL shoot a text unlike someone here 🧍🏻‍♀️ill be going to england first and hopefully touring around europe for a bit! & ill def ask u for places to go to as a first timer!

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon #i am actually screaming.

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shhhhhiminsidesaitamascloset · 1 year ago

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tw: SA

Im not sure how long i had this blog in general. Maybe in late May??? Probably June.

But im just reflecting on things. Losing my old tumblr blog and emails before being hospitalized and sent to a facility. Then coming back making new emails and having to start over.

You'd think something like this would devastate me. But months earlier my house caught on fire and i lost all my sketches and artwork. I lost memorable items, manga collections i had since high school.

It was all gone. So some d*** hacking my phone and making me lose access to my emails and logins was the least of my problems. But when i went through living with someone who wanted to do s*xual things to me, being coerced while i was in psychosis and being assaulted.

I felt lost. Luckily when i was hospitalized i found God again. So i was working on getting back on the straight and narrow after i thought i was being spiritually attacked and realizing someone put a curse on me. (I think i know what happened but its another story for another day) And the psychosis took time to wear off.

In the meantime i managed to make a tumblr account again and start over. And i think its probably been about 2 or 3 months (getting out of that psychosis fog finally thank God!) And im not as patient and docile as i was before during the bits i was in psychosis. But im trying my best to stay close to God and Jesus and lead/live by example.

I feel like there's a lot i can thank God for and even if its just my psychosis i truly believe i am God's servant and soldier. I've been through so much and i had been so tough through it. It was scary, but braving it through and being patient taught me how to go about my life. It also taught me the importance of faith and my priorities.

I also realize that i can be really sh**ty to people i dont know online. But we can only blame negative and toxic internet culture for that. So i started vowing that i'll try to treat people the way i wanted to be treated online. Even if we are 'enemies' i'll still be nice and kind and give you advice on being a better person.

I wanna be the light for people online. Even if im posting dumb f/o and fandom related stuff. I wanna be that person where people see my icon and say "Theyre not perfect but they really try their best to be positive"

Like i said before i dont expect everyone to like me. I shouldnt care what others think of me either. But if someone says im toxic and i dont try, i'll tell them they are a liar. Because even before i got on here again i have been trying my best since the accident. I've slipped, fell, made lots of mistakes and had a hard time staying holy and righteous on my spiritual journey.

But anybody who judges me dont know what i went through. Dont know why i am the way i am. Dont know that im constantly improving me. With God and Jesus in my life, i may not know it all but i understand things a lot more than i did before. And im appreciative of Yahweh than i have ever been.

I know all of this is temporary anyway. Though i am appreciative of what i have now. Im not too keen on who we stay with for the moment, but im thankful i got a place to stay until we move. There's a lot to be grateful for now. And even though she drives me nuts, im grateful to have my mom.

These past few months in 2023 have been crazy. And i dont know how long i'll have this blog and side blogs. But im grateful it made it this far. And who knew i'd like Saitama from One Punch Man 🤷‍♀️ ?

But the fact i jumped from Enrico Pucci, to Joseph Joestar, to Saitama so quick worries it wont last. But i might have to force this hyperfixation somehow.

Anyway, I hope i didnt bore you too much. And i know most people on tumblr dont take time to read things. But i'd say: Count your blessings, be grateful for even the smallest things, appreciate your friends online and irl, and dont take things for granted

ty y'all have a good day, God bless, and drink plenty of water✩

#thoughts #✰Cass✰ thoughts #blog #thank you God #It really has been at least 2 or 3 months huh?

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3style3 · 1 year ago

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being creative on the internet as an outlet is a topic that i am passionate about & i have so much to say.. so i'll put it here.. keep reading if you want to, but its just a history of me and my connection to the internet as a whole, may crosspost this later lol ヾ(￣▽￣) \

ever since i was a little girl, i used the internet to express myself.. dress up games to tumblr, all of it, was used as an outlet. my earliest memory was playing dressup doll games on the computer & watching clips of lucky star in 240p quality while listening to vocaloid in my living room as a small small child, of course, my mom was cooking dinner during all of this, so i can smell dinner when i think of that memory.. germany, 8 pm, shes making banana pudding & tuna sandwiches for me and her while my dad is working.. its such a sweet thing to think of now that i come to think about it..♪(´▽｀) way before i discovered the bitterness of the world, the world to me was just schnuffel bunny & vocaloid..

i never had many friends growing up. i had maybe three actual friends IRL, i was severely bullied before going on to become homeschooled from third grade all the way up to highschool, which i went on to do online schooling for that aswell because quite frankly, i was terrified of leaving my house due to my increasing social anxiety along with quarantine happening about ~2 years into my school life. anyways, thats enough backstory, back to my main point.

anywho, i've been expressing myself online for a LONG time as you can tell, i first began uploading my animations and artwork to youtube in 2016..? and i went on to upload my music to soundcloud in 2018. i made a lot of online friends, and even had a partner who i met online which lasted around 4 years. which doesnt sound impressive until i tell you, we began dating in MIDDLE SCHOOL! we dated all the way until.. i was almost 16? lol..

the internet was my refuge and escape from various traumas that had happened to me over the course of the past few years, traumas i was too scared to go to therapy or even open up for, so i'd express my pain on anonymous accounts and abandon them later on. i have countless deviantart accounts that i used purely for vent art and nothing else, that i would later abandon once i realized people could probably tell it was me.

darkness aside, i have many good memories involving uploading my work online aswell, from my various soundcloud aliases to my various artist aliases, one of which would become extremely successful due to my original characters when i was 14, i later abandoned this alias for safety reasons that i won't get into here.. along with all of the fanfiction i read and wrote when i was 12.. so.. much.. fanfiction.. specifically bandom fanfiction, do you all remember bandom?? bandom was a nice time on the internet, we were all just having so much fun on those "___ is ____'s song" and "bandomconfessions" accounts.. no fear of judgement or anything, we could just write stories where we dated our favorite band member and others thought it was the coolest thing to ever grace this planet..

i feel like, without the internet i wouldnt be who i am today, okay, i will admit, i went through some edgy phases to try to fit in with the cishet white kids online since.. being me online was hard! i had to participate in edginess or else run the risk of being called heinous.. heinous things. i was a huge leafyishere fan (now that i think about it.. ew!) and frequented boards of 4chan that i'd never frequent now that i'm older and you know.. have a soul that isnt as dark as the void?

i feel like. . . . if i didnt have the internet at the age i did, i wouldnt had discovered stuff that was lifechanging to me, for example GTBSG was just purely by chance, 10 year old me poking around on soundcloud, youtube, tumblr and twitter, just looking for something, anything new to stimulate my little senses.. and i found it! that group literally and figuratively changed my life in the best sense possible. i feel like i found my calling through their music.

i think that.. no matter how bad and judgemental the internet gets, it'll always be important to me, like yeah, i hate how social media operates nowadays, and all the microtrends that results in so much waste and landfills getting bigger, but if you focus on yourself, delete tiktok, stop doomscrolling, the internet is fun, once you go back to putting in the effort to find new websites, to read peoples personal pages and shrines.. the internet feels a lot more alive again. the internet was taken over by corporations but theres people trying to take it back, even if its a vocal minority, we're still here, and those people who put in the effort mean more to me than they'll ever know.. o(*￣▽￣*)o

i love you internet, even if you suck sometimes.

#blog #internet

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felassan · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

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anonquack · 3 years ago

Text

| Chef Q |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot, Requested by: @anotherdreamsimp !!

Word Count: 3328

Warnings: Some curse words, mainly just some fluff !

Summary: Quackity hasn't been streaming recently, and decides to come back with a cooking stream. Featuring you as a special guest.

Lately, Quackity had been studying like crazy for his final exams. That meant no streaming. He'd take a break from it to focus entirely on his studies. Absolutely nothing else.

He claimed to have his priorities straight, and had the goal to pass all exams with high scores in order to keep his grades looking wonderful.

This also meant there was rarely any time spent between you two, beside the occasional snack breaks you forced him to take so he wouldn't die at his desk.

It was tough not being able to show him a random video you'd found on the timeline, or walking up to chat with him whenever you wanted, but you knew this was very important to him. So you gladly supported him and offered as much support as possible.

Thankfully, all of his studying paid off and he passed with flying colors. A teacher had even informed him that he'd received the top score for one of his final exams.

You were the first person to hear the news, and you couldn't help but feel the adoration coursing through your body at how excited he was to tell you. Jumping up and down and shaking you lightly as he told you about his scores.

You'd offered to take him out for a celebratory meal, to treat him for all his hard work and also since you missed the fun outings with him. There was no way he was saying no to that.

—

After a day out and about, you two had made your way back home. Both of you were pleasantly full, having enjoyed the meal and also dessert. His request, for "doing so well on his finals." How could you possibly deny him that?

You both were also very content, a warmth and comfort surrounding the air around you two the entirety of the outing.

One thing that was impossible not to notice was how he'd become exceptionally clingy as soon as you two were out of the car. Gripping onto your hand tightly as you singlehandedly unlocked the front door.

"I've missed you so much these past few days." He murmered as you finally got the door to open and pulled him inside.

"I've missed you too." You hummed softly. It was always nice hearing him say these things. You locked the front door, and gently pulled at his hand to lead him back to your room.

It didn't take much of a pull for him to willingly follow you. "Can we cuddle or something?" He asked softly, almost as if he was a bit embarrassed to ask. You turned to him and gave him a grin, along with a small nod.

You'd missed him, even if you two had been in the same apartment this whole time. You'd especially been missing cuddles with him, considering he studied pretty much all day. There wasn't enough time being shared together so you gladly agreed to some cuddling.

Sooner than later, you two found yourselves in your pajamas, laying in bed peacefully as you scrolled through tiktok, screen tilted in order for him to see as well. It really was so nice finally being able to be this close to him again.

After some time, you found yourself looking through tweets on the timeline. A certain one caught his attention and he asked you to stop scrolling.

It was a tweet from a fan, saying they missed Quackity since he hadn't streamed in two weeks, but that overall they hoped his tests were going fine.

"Has it really been 2 weeks?" He asked aloud as he clicked on it and looked through the replies, all agreeing with the original tweet.

"Mm.. two and a half, I think." You answered, looking at him curiously as a guilty expression appeared on his face.

"Hey." You called out once you saw the expression wasn't leaving. He turned to you with a small frown.

"It's fine. You had a good reason for being gone so long. I'm sure they understand. Plus, you'll be back soon, right?" You asked, to which he nodded before sitting up from the cuddling position you two were in.

You sat up as well, noticing how his eyes widened slightly, and a small smile made its way onto his face.

"I just got a great idea." He exclaimed. "Y'know, I was going to just spend the next few days with you since I missed you but– how about we stream something together? That way I can enjoy both, and the fans get a stream too."

You stared at him in surprise. The fans did know he was dating someone, but you rarely ever came out on streams, not because he didn't want you to but because you didn't deem it to be necessary.

The few times you had been on, you'd received tons of love and support from the chat, so you didn't think anything too bad would happen if you were to appear on his stream again.

"What did you have in mind?" You asked curiously. The other times you'd been on were him playing horror games and an extremely scuffed IRL stream.

"Well.. I haven't done a cooking stream in a while." He began, but you quickly shook your head.

"Oh no. Don't tell me you're going to make us eat some monstrosity‐ like your past cooking streams." You visibly shuddered at the thought. You remember having to help clean up the mess after. And no matter how funny it had been, the actual cleanup was awful.

"No no– I was thinking maybe we do a serious one, y'know? Chat hasn't really been able to see my cooking abilities, and well.. I'd say I am pretty good at it." He grinned. He was unfortunately right.

You relaxed at the mention of it being a 'serious' cooking stream. It could never really be too serious when it came to Quackity, but it meant not eating dog food or poorly made pizza. You were in.

"So we'll make an actual.. edible.. meal?" You questioned again, just to be sure. To which he nodded.

"Yeah, and we can enjoy that meal after. Like a date. What do you say?" He was beaming. It was his creativity rolling in. And he was probably so proud of himself for finding a way to spend time with you yet also give chat the stream content they'd been missing out on.

"Alright. I'm in."

You hadn't seen him this eager to get out of bed and head to the grocery store ever before. Chat was really in for a fun stream tomorrow.

—

He'd tweeted it out several hours before you two planned on starting the stream that he'd be streaming today with a special guest, and that he had his chef hat ready to go.

As you scrolled through Twitter you could see the timeline freaking out over 'COOKING STREAM' and 'SPECIAL GUEST'. Lots of discussion over who it was.

You couldn't help but feel a bit bad since the fans were probably speculating that he'd met up with his online friends, but in reality it was just you. In that case, you'd try your best to make this a fun stream, and your presence an enjoyable one.

As the time for the stream to start got closer, you helped him set the ingredients you'd be using onto the table, in a way where it was in perfect view for the stream to see and follow along if they wished.

"We're supposed to start in 5." You called out as he slipped his beanie on, fixing the few hair strands that were sticking out a bit too much.

He smiled and made his way over to you, cupping your face and giving you a small kiss. "I'm so excited to do some cooking with you. They're all going to love you."

You couldn't help the warm feeling that spread over your chest at his words. It was like introducing you all over again. He'd recently gained a lot of new followers, and that meant they probably had no idea who you were. Always fun going through that again.

He dealt with some last minute editing and placing, checking all ingredients were there and that everything was set, before hitting the 'Go Live' button.

It didn't take long for the viewers to increase after the tweet notification went out, and the starting soon screen was the only thing really protecting you two from the roaring chat.

Everyone was dying to know what was going on, who the special guest was, and whether this would be yet another scuffed cooking stream.

You stood behind the camera as the starting soon screen finally disappeared and he began greeting the viewers, thanking all the subs coming in, and eventually also giving them a little update on how he'd done on his exams.

You felt so proud as you watched him boast about how his studying had paid off, and how he talked about being the happiest he'd been in a while. He deserved all of it. And chat thought so too.

After some rambling about his test scores and what they'd be cooking today, chat finally became too impatient and asked for a reveal of the special guest.

"Fine. Fine. Since you guys are so fucking impatient." He huffed, watching as chat flew by, telling him to 'get on with it' and to 'TELL US WHO IT IS'. You couldn't help but laugh at the relationship he had with his chat. Always bullying each other but usually knowing when to stop and send love.

"I've actually had them on multiple other streams, not so much recently.. but they've been on my horror streams.. some IRL streams.. and they are really really special to me, chat!" He said with a big smile. Some of chat was confused as to who he was referring to, while older fans began to question if it was YOU. They were very smart.

"Some of the viewers might not know of them, so this is like I'm introducing them to chat all over again! Come over here." He finally directed the last part at you. You couldn't help but feel the sudden spike in anxiety, but chose to ignore it as you smiled back at him and headed into the frame beside him.

With a small wave and a greeting, you watched as chat completely broke. A mess of question marks and your name being spread in chat. You couldn't help but laugh. It was an overwhelmingly positive reaction as Quackity explained to new viewers that you were his partner, and that older fans were already aware of this for a while now.

The amount of 'y/n our beloved' and people asking if quackity's partner was single were abundant in chat, and you couldn't help but feel stupid for thinking the newer viewers would hate you or something.

Having the approval of Quackity's chat also made you feel lighter, it made it easier to let go and just enjoy the cooking stream.

You two began to explain what you'd be cooking to chat, and you made it very clear that he actually had to try and cook this time, to which chat agreed wholeheartedly.

He'd taken a recipe from his mom for one of his favorite meals, one he hadn't had in a while. He explained to chat that he wanted to see how well you and him could recreate it until you two took a trip to visit his family.

"Hopefully we don't disappoint her too much." You mumbled as he placed the chef hat onto your head, fixing it so you looked presentable.

"She can't be because we're actually gonna try." He stated before beginning to explain to chat what the meal was since many of them might not have even heard of it before. As he did that, you began to set aside the ingredients you wouldn't be needing until later.

After everything had been explained, it was time to get cooking. His concentration to try and recreate his mom's recipe was adorable, and chat agreed on that too.

This stream wasn't loud and messy like the others, but it was still enjoyable in its own way. Quackity was radiating such wonderful light and energy, cracking jokes and genuinely enjoying himself. It was all thanks to the stress and worries being lifted off his back. You really enjoyed seeing him like this.

Chat was able to follow along later if they wanted with how organized you guys were being, but the banter he had with you and chat made it entertaining to any casual viewer. He always found a way to make it fun.

Not only that, but chat was able to see a new side of him. The Chef Q side. More often than not, a message would roll in saying they were amazed by how good Quackity actually was at cooking. You could already imagine some of the edits that'd come out of the stream.

His mom had told you two beforehand how long it would normally take to cook this meal, and it was perfect for a usual stream and some extras where you two would actually get to try the food.

There was moments where chat was warning you two that the food would burn or that he'd accidentally set the kitchen on fire, but overall you were enjoying yourself so much.

And chat was enjoying your presence too!

By the time you two managed to finish the meal, you both plopped down onto the chairs he'd set for the supposed 'breaks'.

He had some of the sauce on his cheek and his apron, but still managed to look good. He'd also smeared sauce onto your cheek, and at this point some strands were sticking out of your hat in such a messy way since the last few minutes had been rather hectic, food almost burning and all.

"Chat. We did it." He called out before cheering loudly and clapping his hands, to which you swiftly followed along, chat beginning to cheer as well.

"I think its only right that we try what we made, don't you think?" You ask, to which chat quickly types YES in all caps, wanting to see the finished product and also find out if it even tastes good.

Quackity let out a chuckle as he smiled over at you. "Not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous. We haven't even seen it so it might just be black. Burnt to a crisp. Or what if it tastes like shit? Y/N i don't know what I'm going to do if the food tastes like shit. Thats what we're supposed to eat on our date." He whined a bit.

You shook your head, "It'll be great. And if not, we can just order takeout. It'll be fine big q." You smiled reassuringly. Chat became a frenzy of calling him cute for the state he was in, declaring their love for how supportive and kind you were, and melting over your relationship.

Before you knew it, you were both revealing the meal to chat, and pleasantly surprised by the results. The presentation of the meal itself looked really good. It looked like what you'd expect from such a plate. Quackity had even gone as far as saying it looked similar to how his mom made it.

You gasped, smiling in surprise at him. "Really? Did we really do that good of a job." His face turned into one of regret, and a long segment of silence engulfed you two before he nodded hesitantly. You both broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Okay okay, seriously. Chat's waiting for you to try it." You placed a fork in front of him, earning a loud scoff from him.

"They want to see you try it as well." He mirrored your actions and you gladly took the fork.

"Alright. First bite. Let's see if all our hard work paid off! Chat, are you ready?" You grinned and watched as the 'YES's started rolling in, some viewers telling you both to get the fuck on with it, and others gushing about how the food actually looked good. You could only hope.

You watched as he began to dig in, mouth full and chewing slowly, truly trying to savor the first bite. You did the same, and the stream was silent for the first time in a while. Chat was in suspense as well, question marks and incoherent rambling rolling through the chat.

"Chat..." he finally spoke after swallowing his bite. "Chat. It's." He paused before showing a small smile. "It's not bad at all. I like it. It's good."

You nodded your head in agreement, "It's nowhere near as good as the ones your mom makes.. but I think you and I make a pretty good team."

"I think so too. And not just for cooking." He grinned, earning himself a playful eye roll and shy smile from you.

The stream proceeded to you two feeding each other bites of the meal, asking each other if it was good, and just enjoying yourselves for a bit longer before Quackity deemed it was time to end.

"Chat !! Thank you so much for tuning in and watching this.. actually coordinated cooking stream. I had so much fun and well, I ate yummy food. I'm happy." He laughed, thanking a few more gifters before doing his signature Bye, and ending stream.

He hurried over to your side, pulling you into a hug. "Thank you so much. I truly had fun. And they definitely loved you, but not nearly as much as I do."

You chuckled at his words, giving him a small kiss before cupping his face. "I had a lot of fun too. Thank you for always being so nice to me." You paused, observing how cute he looked with his chef hat still on. "I think I like Chef Alex." You reached over and fixed his hat a bit.

"Yeah? Should I keep it on?" He teased, coming a bit closer. You couldn't help the warmth that spread over your cheeks at how blunt he was.

"Yes, but you need to help me clean this up. Maybe after we finish the food, hm? C'mon. Don't think I forgot our deal."

He whined, already feeling too lazy, but he quickly followed after you as you two sat down to actually eat. Still wearing the silly attire he'd bought for the stream, far too unbothered to change just yet.

Through a mouthful he asked, "Cuddles and a nap after we're done?"

You smiled and nodded, to which he gave a silent cheer. That was enough motivation to get you both up and cleaning after finishing the meal.

—

Wrapped in each other's arms again. He couldn't seem to get enough of it. You were once again scrolling through Twitter, this time scrolling through his indirects, wanting to see what people were saying about the stream.

He'd ask you to stop to read certain ones he found funny, and even 'aww'd at the ones he found cute, mainly those talking about how cute you two looked.

Surely enough, there was already edits using the clips of him cooking, and you'd openly admitted to him that he looked "so fucking good." To which he responded by cuddling closer, if even humanly possible.

Quackity found the numerous clips of you two feeding each other to be the best part of the tweets. You two rewatched, saved, liked as many as you could before he became tired.

And with that, he was pulling you close, and leaving small kisses anywhere he could on your face. Eventually, his chest slowly rose and fell as he entered a deep slumber. You smiled, glad to see he was finally getting the rest he deserved.

"Goodnight, Alex." You whispered, leaving a small kiss on his cheek before closing your eyes as well.

#alex quackity #quackity #quackity x you #quackity x reader #quackity x y/n #gender neutral reader #quackity brainrot #quackity scenario #streamer #quackity headcannons #quackity imagines #chef quackity #cooking stream #quackity fluff #quackity my beloved #revealing lovers #leave some requests !!! I am accepting requests #look at me posting a few days apart wooo #quackity <3

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funtimebunnyblog · 3 years ago

Note

Pillar men with black s/o with natural hair?

I'm so sorry this took a little while to get done, my dear Anon 😅 but here it is!

I'll admit, I had to take some time to do a little bit of research to help me write this. My IRL hair is a strange combination of Kars' and Funny Valentine's (really it depends on the day 😓) so I'm not the most knowledgeable on this subject and I wanted to make sure this felt right for all you folks out there with natural hair! 😇🥰❤ Please enjoy!

The Pillarmen with a black s/o with natural hair

(Under the cut for length...)

Kars:

• As a man who takes extra precautions and care for the mane of his own, he's probably one of the best people to help you with your own hair.

• Whatever you need; creams, moisturizers, relaxers, oils, conditioners, you name it and he'll buy you top of the line products!

• He wants nothing but the best for you, his mate, and your hair.

• Helping you with styling is perhaps his favourite thing to do with you during his freetime.

• He could talk for hours about different styles with you and maybe even help you with trying them out.

• He may not be the most gentle person when helping you groom or style but he really tries to be. If you happen to squirm and whimper because he's pulling too hard PLEASE tell him!

• Otherwise he'll be upset with you and might even have to undo all of his work even if he just spent the last few hours giving you braids.

• He knows that pain equals damage and that's the LAST thing he wants to happen to you or your beautiful hair.

• If you happen to be having a day where your hair is being stubborn or maybe if you need to get around to having it re-styled and it looks awry, he's more than happy to teach you how to wrap it up like he does.

Esidisi:

• Esidisi has a very special care routine for his own floof of hair so needless to say, he's a good person to go to for help if you need it.

• What he really likes is exchanging tips with you about care and useful products, you both just seem to learn more and more from one another as you go along!

• He'll teach you millennium old remedies and tricks for care and washing and you can teach him any new and improved techniques and introduce him to some good products.

• He's definitely your go to man if you are in need of a hot oil treatment for your locks; he can heat it up with his hands in seconds!

• When you try out different styles with your hair, you might just inspire him to shake things up a little and get his own hair done differently.

• He has been rocking the floof for literal millennium after all, maybe it a little change was overdue...

• He'll even take your advice and let you pick a certain style for him and if you want, he's even down to match with you!

Wamuu:

• Wamuu's knowledge on the amount of care and time that needs to be put into your hair is admittedly very minimal.

• All he does is wash and comb his. For the longest time he thought that was all there was to it for everyone until you told him otherwise.

• Undoubtedly, he's absolutely in awe of how lovely and thick your hair is however.

• He's more than willing to learn the ins and outs of it all for your sake.

• Don't be surprised if you happen to find him sitting up at the computer late at night Googling tips and watching tutorials online.

• When caught, Wamuu will sheepishly admit that he wanted to surprise you by taking the time to learn to care for and style hair properly so he can help you more.

• When actually helping you hands on he's surprisingly gentle for his size and strength.

• He handles you like you're made of glass and you'll find he rarely ever pulls or inflicts pain.

Santana:

• Santana just can't seem to keep his hands off your hair.

• You'll have to forgive him because he could spend seeming hours just running his fingers through it (especially after you've just washed it), in utter adoration and awe.

• This could result in you being late for work a lot if you're not careful.

• He will absolutely stop though if you tell him to! If you don't like your hair being handled he'll show some restraint and settle for simply admiring it from afar until you tell him otherwise.

• All that being said, he's an excellent person to assist you in maintenance for your hair.

• He'll question you about all the products you put in your hair, what it does and why you need it. He wants to know everything!

• All his learning is hands on with you. Don't be surprised if very soon after you teach him all this stuff he starts insisting you sit in his lap and have him groom and moisturize it for you.

• That also gives him an excuse to touch and play with your locks.

• Santana does his very best to be gentle, he's actually very good at it, but he'll notice at even the slightest movement made if he's pulled too hard; to which then he'll stop and quietly apologize.

• He's not a man to care much for his own hair (Santana doesn't even own a comb) but he treats yours like royalty.

• He loves it when you try out new styles. Whether it's braids, a weave, cornrows or even if you want to just keep it natural, he loves it all the same!

#funnybunny #pillarmen #kars #esidisi #wamuu #santana #pillarmen headcanons #kars x reader #esidisi x reader #wamuu x reader #santana x reader #anon ask #my writing

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iguessitsjustme · 2 years ago

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Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better. - I will not be tagging anyone, but if you want to do this go ahead

Tagged By: @pose4photoml thanks for tagging me! I might not answer all of these questions, but I’ll do my best

Name: Online - Rae. Irl - apparently it’s a good biblical name according to that one man who called my work (this is incorrect)

Star Sign: Pisces

Height: 5'5 if I stretch a little

Time: 17:01 PM

Birthday: Don’t worry about it

Favorite Bands/Favorite Solo Artists: Parade the Day, Loveless, Hunter Hayes, Celtic Woman

Last Movie: Princess Diaries

Last Show: Technically Coffee Melody..I started it but only saw about a minute.

When did I create this blog: Oh lord I don’t know. 2011? My friend actually made me get a tumblr so she made it for me and I don’t remember when that was.

What I post: About BL and my life. I basically use my blog as a diary kind of. Weird things happen to me sometimes.

Last thing I googled: The website for my old job to see if they still had my picture up on their “faces of”page - they do not.

Other Blogs: Just this one.

Do I Get Asks?: Occasionally. I do love it when I get asks, but I don’t get that many

Why I chose my url: Cause my blog is just me. I guess.

Following: Too lazy to look - not a lot though.

Followers: Also too lazy to look - not too many but I love each and every one of y’all

Average hours of sleep: I try to get 8 but sometimes that just doesn’t happen and I end up working on 2 hours of sleep and I would not recommend.

Instruments: Violin (though it’s been years), and a tiny bit of guitar, ukulele, and piano. I also sing sometimes.

What am I wearing: I literally changed out of my work shirt but nothing else so a t-shirt and a pencil skirt

Dream job(s): Currently working it :)

Favorite Food: mashed potatoes

Nationality: American

Favorite Song(s): How many am I allowed to pick? Okay I’m going to say Loveless’ entire 2021 album literally called Loveless I. Also Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G Major. Also The Voice by Celtic Woman. And so, so many more.

Currently playing on repeat: I Don’t Miss You Anymore by Loveless

Last book I read: I truly do not know the answer to this question. It’s been awhile since I read a book instead of fic. I can say that I wanna reread Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor. That trilogy has some of my favorite world building.

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: None. I like fiction for the escapism, but I like being able to come back to my own life and my own reality. This world is where my home is.

#rae irl #ask game #kind of #i don't know #i'm hungry so now i'm going to eat my weight in mashed potatoes please excuse me

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itsclydebitches · 3 years ago

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Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

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00hj · 4 years ago

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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ happy holidays ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆  i’m extremely grateful for all my mutuals & friends since joining tumblr 6 years ago. this isn’t my main blog nor is it my first blog but it is my most active haha (^◇^；)

|ω･)و ̑̑༉ hi, i’m karen or k ! you may know me as the residential hyunsung stan or the woozi enthusiast over on my main @/himeaegyo  i’ve made such supportive, precious, and amazing friends & the fandoms i’ve been apart of have been such a great adventure.

this is gonna be probably my most emotional/sappiest follow forever because this year has just been so emotionally straining that we need more positivity !  so thank you again for following me/liking my content/popping into my inbox/just accepting me ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ 

while i wasn’t that active this year on this blog, it’s been very entertaining & motivational seeing people interact & still supporting @/straykidsupdate (the amount of love that blog gets, i’ll forever be in awe/shock and will never be able to express enough thanks for)

to my mutuals & fellow ccs, this is just a big thank you/hug for everything you’ve done !! 🐻💓  i may not follow you now (or i might have followed during the making of this post) but know that i’m in the process of cleaning out my following list !! i’m not ignoring you 🥺 i’ve just been semi inactive this year :c

these are just a couple special shoutouts/messages ! if i didn’t write you a message, please don’t take it personally 🙇🏻‍♀️ i do love & appreciate every single one of my mutuals but the post would get super long o-o;

@realstraykids hi em 🐹💕 we exchange these words nearly ever end of the year, but thank you thank you thank you for being one of my first true online friend & mutual 😊 it’s just filled me with so much joy seeing you make it big with the love you have for your groups. i love how engaging you are, how supportive you are of fellow creators & friends, how you’ve been able to do your academics & juggle stan life (mad respect) (i would also like to mention that my phone’s predictive keyboard still recommends ‘hellohwiyoung’ after i type hello out & i refuse to reset it)

@3rxcha hi iri 🌻🧚🏻‍♀️ my canadian love bug. it’s been such a blessing that we were able to meet up & hang out irl ! thank you for being there for the ups & downs in my personal life haha, i really unloaded a lot on you in the past. i’m glad you’re back into stray kids !! it’s been such a joy being able to send you fantakens over on discord when i update/queue >:3 i love how unapologetically honest you are, how articulate you are, and how you’re just a pastry chef 🥧

@chrisbangs hi li 👼🍡 hehe another canadian dream girl. i think you’re my only moot/few friends that i know who listens to tmg & it’s was a great shock when i found that out haha. i absolutely adore the way you’re so creative yet always challenging yourself to push yourself further. being able to see your creative journey has been a blessing & i truly believe you’ll be able to achieve great things with your skills here

@hyunnie hi katarina 🌿🍒 first & foremost, i don’t think i’ve ever confessed that i totally freaked out when i saw that you had applied for the gfx position for sku. it’s been such a privilege working together, though things have been slow because there’s nothing much to do ;;;; i knoooow we’re in the server together but i’ve admired your dedication & work ethic that i’m kind of like intimidated to talk to you (?) haha fears but !!! it’s so admirable how dedicated you are in finishing series & how you’re always trying new things with your creations

@chngbok hi red 💞✨ honestly, you’re the backbone of the sku queue lmao. i vividly remember that one time you went on a spree & filled it to like 200 posts,,,,that’s a literal talent. i’m very excited to get into genshin impact & i’m excited to know you’re into it !! i know like one person irl who’s actively been playing it & another irl who’s interested so this bubble is small OTL,,,though i may suck, i’ll be honoured to be able to play together with you! thank you for partaking in the shenanigans we create in the server sometimes, i really do truly appreciate you 🥺

@straybell hi nina 💒💞 another canadian buttercup! i remember stumbling across your dating sim edit & your district 9 edits back in 2018 & just falling completely in love with how you were able to manifest such ideas perfectly. it’s one thing to be able to visualize & conceptualize it but to pull it off with the proper assets & the amount of details,,,,,completely in awe with your talent. you’re so humble, down-to-earth, loving, and you have such a big heart. you make people feel welcomed, warm, and loved & i just hope you’re able to feel the same way

@tuanzie hi joanna 💓🐣 i remember one day i checked tumblr again & saw a new url & was just completely confused who you were because i was so used to your old url lol i know i don’t really talk to you but you always seem so cool & well kept together whenever you’re on my tl ^^;; you radiate this confident older sibling energy & sometimes i’ll just stalk your blog to see what new things has happened with some of the groups we mutually stan. i truly admire how you’re able to keep up with all your groups and !!! make content for them, truly inspiring work ethics

@wonstal hi louise 💝🍒 i truly don’t know how to explain this but you just radiate this very pretty vibe & aesthetic. your blog, your content, your colouring, your everything is just so pretty to me. i don’t talk to you but i’m admiring from the far distance,,,,,,you’re just so cool & your stan list is just wonderful. i don’t think we’re online at the same time much but !!! i hope you’re staying safe, getting some rest, drinking your fluids & just staying occupied :)

my moots & recs !! (these are skz. svt, multi blogs & more)

@hanjin @hyunknow @ji-sungs @avocadomin @hyunjinz @kimsyohans @3norachaa @l0vepaint @cpalice @bbchae @changbinie @changbeanie @blueprintskz @han-jisung @felixies @binnies @ifbin @hwanghaes @sunnykids @yangjeongin @dyewithyou @seoschangbin @luvknow @seungminsmile @gukooky @abcdskz @seungminhos @yyuwins @deobistay @hyyunjinn @hyunjins @eternallys @jinlix @ljhz @hoshees @absix @berethosh @bbaksu @leeknown @jisungism @joshuahong @lovehui @shuvee @cafewoozi @pdwoozi @bangchanmix @honeyboyfelix @hoodiehan @kkvmi @914m @miniwaves @leeminho-s @sparkly-minho @myoneandongly @holyakaashi @2miin @jisungsings @bangchans @02print @spearbin @gyuwus @jonghan @xums @strgaykids @soocculents @liinos @asterocky @hanwooz @tswoondere @guksuu @jypestraykids @leeknowism @go-saeng @agibbng @creker @saniest @strayhags @pdracha @defgyus @seo-changbinnies @youngke @cotccotc @stray-but-okay @jjsungie @chogiwow @hwjins @hyunsung @1eeknows @jeonginx @choihans @hyunllx @minhou

have a nice holiday !!! i hope you’re warm & safe 🎄💓 i’m still working on a rec page but it’ll be over here when it’s done !!  (。>∀<)_畄q(>∀< ｡)

#follow forever #ff #i'll once again tag this with an old tag of mine:#i am praying to the tumblr gods that this post tags you and sends you a notif #i do apologize if this gets super long.....i totally will understand if you don't want to read the whole msg....it's embarrassing #i'll get around cleaning out my following list later today ~#i've bolded the parts that i think are ~important~ but again; it's completely understandable if you didn't read it all ;;;;#merry christmas & happy holidays !! i hope your days are filled with warmth & love #q: drafted and scheduled for later

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still-a-morosexual-help · 3 years ago

Text

OBEY ME! LESSON 55 DETAILED SUMMARY AND DISCUSSION/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

OKAY! So first off the background for this is absolutely gorgeous and shows a real demon. You know the kind you’d imagine an actual demon to look like and everything’s dark (black, grey, brown) there’s a castle on a mountain like area with a narrow suspended pathway leading to it, there are crows flying around and a person in a robe pointing what looks like a lit wand at a snarling attacking demon, there are skulls and what looks like weapons on the ground and my favourite part: a person in a long robe, kneeling on the ground, covering the top of their face with their hands and wailing to the sky. It’s all tailor made to my taste and I love it! There’s one locked lesson.

It’s breakfast time and Asmo & Beel are heading to an all you can eat global sweet sampler, MC questions it and Asmo says you can get desserts from all over the world there and Asmo’s hoping to live stream it. Asmo invites MC but Mammon interjects asking them to come see “cute horsies” with him. “’Horsies.’ He’s so pretentious. Shut up, it’s the fucking horse race. ‘Horsies.’” Says Levi. Levi invites MC to a real life TSL themed escape room (that sounds really fun tbh), Satan invites them to come watch the sci-fi movie they were talking about, in their home theatre. (he’s actually watched it 3 times already but he read online theories about it and now he wants to see if he can catch the basis for those theories in the movie). They all start arguing about it (except Beel who’s just eating) when MC gets a text from Diavolo congratulating them on their 5th star and wishing them luck for the other 2 and inviting them to an amusement park date. Everyone – MC included – is kind of baffled by the one on one date with Diavolo. They ask any of the others if they want to tag along but they all refuse but Beel asks if MC can take Belphie along since he hasn’t really left the house in a while and Beel’s worried. MC texts asking if they can bring Belphie along too and Diavolo says the more the merrier and I just know this is gonna end in disaster like did Belphie ever even resolve all the problems he had with Diavolo back in S1?

Beel drags Asmo along to wake Belphie up because a.) he doesn’t want Asmo to leave to the sweets thing without him b.) they need all the help they can get to wake him up. MC suggests using force and Asmo happily volunteers to grab Belphie, turn him over and drop him on the ground, Beel says they can’t do this to poor Belphie cause Beel’s a sweetheart, and says the most force he’ll allow them to use is by tickling Belphie, which Asmo then does. It doesn’t work so Asmo says if they’re gonna use force they should do something like this right before he screams “ASMO DIIIIIIVE!!!” and jumps on top of Belphie as Beel protests and I love that despite what you’d assume from his aesthetic and despite what Asmo would like you to believe he’s a lot more rough and tumble and violent (I just really love the sweet with hidden edges trope as much as I love the jerk with a gooey centre trope). Belphie says ow and Asmo brightly and sweetly cheers that he woke up as if just seconds ago he hadn’t used a wrestling move on his sleeping baby brother. Beel says that though Belphie’s body is awake his mind isn’t (relatable), Beel fixes Belphie’s bedhead and Asmo complains that Belphie’s a stereotypical spoilt brat youngest child and says that Diavolo obviously would’ve wanted a one on one day with MC. Beel says he knows and it’s another reason he wanted Belphie to go. Asmo agrees saying that after everything if MC chooses their boss over any one of the seven guys MC actually lives with it’d feel wrong. Asmo tells Belphie to keep an eye on them and not let it turn into a “whirlwind romance”, Belphie just asks for his pillow and Asmo’s upset cause he doesn’t feel confident about the plan now. Poor Diavolo being constantly cockblocked

On the way Belphie complains about being forced to do this when his schedule is just as busy but MC says all he does is sleep and he says because naps are important to him and he takes them seriously. He wishes he could go back home and asks why of all the demons he had to be stuck with Diavolo (so guess those issues are still around good to know). MC asks if he still dislikes Diavolo cause of his fondness for humans and Belphie says he’s fully gotten over that whole human genocide phase which is great to have confirmed. They ask why he dislikes Diavolo – lots of reasons. He always thinks he’s right and expects to get his way about anything and everything and never listens to anyone’s opinions. He hadn’t bothered to listen to Belphie back when the exchange program had been proposed and Belphie was against it (and I mean to be fair back then Belphie was 100% okay with killing the entire human race for no reason other than the fact that he blamed them for Lilith’s death when really they had nothing to do with it and it was definitely the angels’ fault. I mean I don’t think I would have listened to him either and he really does have the spoilt youngest kid personality. I think out of all the brother’s Belphie’s the one who has the fondest memories of the Celestial Realm – probably helped by the fact that Lilith was still alive then – which is why he never blamed them for what happened and instead directed all his anger at the humans) Lucifer hadn’t let Belphie plead his case (what case Belphie!? That all humans should die!?) and that Diavolo’s surrounded by demons like Barbatos and Lucifer who shield him from criticism (and yeah I agree that this is true and that it’s a bad thing but Lucifer wasn’t shielding Diavolo from criticism when he refused to let Belphie plead his case, he was protecting Belphie cause if Diavolo found out Belphie wanted to kill humans he would have thrown him in jail like he did back at the end of S1 and MC you dumb fuck can you pls tell all this to Belphie) and that Diavolo doesn’t understand that he’s been saved from criticism and Belphie hates that about him and he shudders at the thought of spending the day with Diavolo. On the way they run into Simeon and tell him where they’re going, he says Luke’s been wanting to go there since he saw a ad for it and MC says they could take Luke along with them but he says Luke’s at a cooking class today but that he’d probably love to hear about it when he gets back. Simeon then takes off saying he has a meeting. Belphie goes to call after Simeon to tell him something and catches a glimpse of the person Simeon was supposed to meet. He’s surprised and says “Is that…” and when MC asks what’s wrong he said he must have just imagined it and that the person Simeon was meeting just looked really familiar and HOLY SHITTTTTTT GUYSSS rfhiefjoSJKWDLDADJSJ was I right are we really gonna get to see angels???? That’s the only explanation, right? It would have had to be Michael or even Raphael and there’s only a few lessons left and this and the next lesson are probably gonna focus on Diavolo and Belphie’s relationship and following the patter MC should get their 6th star next lesson, then the two lessons after that will be their final exam for the 7th star and then the last two lessons will focus on saying goodbye as the brothers go back to the Devildom and all that’s gonna have a lot going on but if they’re teasing the angels being here now could they manage to slip them in or will that be too much? I mean they’ll be introducing a whole new (or two whole new) character(s) and ahhh I’m rambling but pls I need the tension and angst between them and the brothers ok I’m done.

When they get there Belphie complains about how crowded it is and MC tries to look for Diavolo to which Belphie points to a group of fangirls surrounding Diavolo. Diavolo answers them sweetly and one of them says he’s even better looking irl and another shyly asks if he wants to walk around with them. Belphie cuts that short by barging in and asking Diavolo what’s going on, Diavolo happily greets Diavolo and one of the girls realises that Belphie called Diavolo ‘lord’. Diavolo apologises to them and said he’s already made plans with friends (and ugh he’s so sweet I love him just wanna give him a big hug I bet he gives great hugs), the girls are very understanding and sweet about it and they leave. Belphie’s a lil shit and says “Aww, too bad, Lord Diavolo. I’d hate to interrupt just as they were hitting on you…” and Diavolo laughs it off saying it wasn’t like that (and can Diavolo not understand sarcasm or does he just ignore it? Both seem highly likely) Belphie disagrees and says they were clearly hitting on him and Diavolo changes the subject and says he can’t believe Belphie actually came, MC explains why and Diavolo says it’s understandable that Beel was worried after Belphie hadn’t left the house in a week (Me, who hasn’t left the house in almost a year: :’) ) Belphie says he knows Diavolo wanted a date with MC but too bad cause now Belphie’s gonna third wheel them. Diavolo tells Belphie not to be ridiculous and that he’s happy that Belphie came (and the thing is other than a small twinge of disappointment this is probably the truth). Belphie says that it probably won’t be a good idea to go around calling him “Lord” Diavolo given the way the girls reacted, Diavolo says he can just call him by his name since he wouldn’t mind but Belphie says he himself would mind and anyway if Lucifer or Barbatos found out Belphie wasn’t using his proper title they’d kill him. So Belphie suggests a nickname which Diavolo’s really happy about and MC suggests DD (they can also suggest John or Cap’n), Diavolo adores it and asks them to call him it all the time hereafter (I want to give him a hug so badly). Diavolo then happily and with lots of exclamation points goes on to say that it’s time to let their hair down and that Barbatos had made minute to minute schedule for them to follow so that they could enjoy the park to the fullest and Belphie says he wants to go home

Diavolo keeps unsuccessfully trying to get Belphie to wear a themed headband and take a group photo, saying he also wants to wear the headband on a boat ride and the ferris wheel. Diavolo gives MC sad puppy dog eyes (which I’m sure he uses successfully on Lucifer regularly, but that don’t affect Barbatos at all) and MC can’t refuse, asking Belphie if there’s anything that’ll get him to change his mind. He says no but he’s not stopping the others from doing it, Diavolo says since they’re here as a group they all should do it, Belphie snaps saying he doesn’t like how Diavolo’s using MC as a tool to bend Belphie to his will and he says he’s going home. Diavolo tries to stop him but he marches off and Diavolo drags MC off to chase after Belphie. Diavolo grabs Belphie by the arm outside the park and begs for a chance to apologize, Belphie denies it and tries to free his arm. Diavolo refuses to let him go saying he should have listened to and considered Belphie’s opinions now as well as in the past, Belphie’s shocked and MC asks Belphie to just hear Diavolo out. He agrees but tells them not to have any expectations of what this’ll accomplish.

Belphie says he doesn’t want to wear the headband or take pics and that he’s only gonna ride what he wants to, Diavolo agrees with all that. He asks if Belphie will stay with them and Belphie agrees and Diavolo is just so brightly stupidly happy and I can completely understand how he was able to make Lucifer question his entire world view. Diavolo’s so happy he starts waving Belphie’s arm around unconsciously and then asks Belphie what rides he wants to go on as they make their way back inside, Belphie doesn’t answer instead he’s blushing and annoyed and asks Diavolo to let go of his hand. Belphie wants to ride ‘The Twisting Freefall of Death II’, MC & Diavolo would like to not freefall to their death thank you very much. Belphie quotes the ride as being, “the single most terrifying experience in the world where you’ll scream for mercy and receive none” Diavolo says, “Did you say scream for mercy…” Belphie happily agrees. Diavolo turns to his last hope, MC, and asks how they feel about this. I like to imagine that even MC has a line where their lacking self-preservation will kick in. Belphie just smiles saying it won’t actually kill them (this would have been more reassuring coming from someone who didn’t once murder MC but whatever.) They can also ask Diavolo how feels about it. After the ride Belphie’s cackling loudly and gushing about how great it was. He’s especially happy about the look on Diavolo’s face during the ride, saying he’s never seen it before (probably the look of a demon praying to God for mercy). MC can say that Belphie seemed to be having a lot of fun, cheer how the ride was the best or say they thought they were going to die. For the 3rd option Belphie very cheerfully says MC’s alive and ok. Belphie asks Diavolo how it was only to realise Diavolo’s missing. He fell off the ride at its highest peak. He’s dead.

They’ve tried texting Diavolo but he doesn’t read them. Belphie wonders what kind of person actually gets lost in an amusement park unless they’re 5. Then he says “…is that what it is? Is he actually 5 yrs old?” He remembers that mammon got lost in a park once too and says the only thing the two of them have in common is that they’re both basically children, They then run into my favourite character in the entire game – the butcher (is2g this man needs to become a recurring side character) who is here with his wife and daughter. He asks them if the rest of the harem is here too and Belphie lets him know that unfortunately they’re here with a new inductee who got lost. The butcher offers to help and asks for a description. MC says he’s the owner of the corvo hotel chain and the butcher wonders who the fuck are these people in the first place to know someone like that and then because the butcher’s the sweetest person alive he too starts worrying about diavolo, scared that he might have gotten kidnapped. Belphie says “there’s no one in the human world oh shit I mean THE WORLD. THE NORMAL WORLD ALL US HUMANS - BECAUSE WE ALL ARE HUMANS - LIVE IN” the butcher now probably used to how weird this cult is (because they definitely are a satanic cult with their extremely obvious demon names, how weird and unused to normal life they are, 7 of them being obviously infatuated by the eighth one but the butcher’s not gonna bring this up cause with the amount of meat they buy from him he could keep his family afloat for years AND pay for his daughters college tuition) ignores this and says he hasn’t seen Diavolo but advices them to check the information desk and ask them to page Diavolo over the loudspeakers. They thank him and Belphie promises to stop by with Beel later, the butcher says he’ll see him then and tells them to take care (I love this man). Barbatos text MC asking how they’re doing and which itinerary of his they’re following cause yes apparently he made more than one and telling them he trusts them to take care of diavolo (and I can’t believe it took me this long to realise Barbatos is a helicopter parent). MC leaves him on read. Lucifer then texts them saying Satan told him where they’d gone and telling them that since the two of them are with Diavolo he assumes he’s okay but just to clarify make sure nothing happens to Diavolo. MC leaves him on read. Belphie says that Barbatos and Lucifer are way too overprotective. Barbatos and MC then realise how fucked they are if either of them find out that they’ve lost diavolo and so decide to skip the whole loudspeaker thing.

They can decide if they want to check by the lake, the ferris wheel or the last ride they went in. He’s not at the lake and they choose to take a boat across the lake to get to the ferris wheel cause it’s faster than going around it. Belphie actually enjoys the boat ride and asks if the two of them can just enjoy themselves together for a bit instead of looking for Diavolo, MC says “I’m worried about Diavolo also can you not remember how fucked we are if we don’t find him”. Belphie gets jealous that MC seems to care more about Diavolo than him (they’re just been practical! If the roles were reversed they’d have shut Diavolo down to look for you!) and says that even they have a real soft spot for Diavolo (He’s like a giant golden retriever!!). There’s an announcement over the loudspeaker for MC and ‘Snoozy’ saying that DD’s waiting for them at the info desk. Belphie’s not happy about ‘snoozy’ (understandable)

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