#but there was a time a few years back when id just finally acknowledged that i had a serious problem i needed to work to improve

[fallingfavourites]

the fisher king - cm fanfic

summary: Everyone on the team had gotten 2 weeks off. Elle and Derek decided to not waste a second of it and flew away to Jamaica. Hotchner went to spend time with his family. Gideon would most likely be birdwatching in his cabin if you had to guess, he doesn’t like sharing much about his personal life. Neither does Reid who is heading back home to Las Vegas. You stayed at home to relax. no one had expected the terrifying turn this vacation would take.

pairing: bau team x reader (platonic), hints/alludes at spencer reid x reader and elle greenaway x reader

cw/tw: typical cm violence, shooting, blood

word count: 8,568

a/n: basically just follows the fisher king episodes plot, english isn't my first language and im dyslexic so sorry in advance, tried to edit as best as i could! i hope this fic makes sense i dont even know anymore, enjoy!! feedback is always appreciated just dont be mean about it pls

main masterlist - cm masterlist

Everyone on the team had gotten 2 weeks off. Elle and Derek decided to not waste a second of it and flew away to Jamaica. Hotchner went to spend time with his family. Gideon would most likely be birdwatching in his cabin if you had to guess, he doesn’t like sharing much about his personal life. Neither does Reid who is heading back home to Las Vegas. You had just ended up on your couch with a cozy blanket and a movie you had been meaning to watch. A sudden loud ringing made you jump up. Rubbing your eyes so they can refocus.

You had fallen asleep. You would’ve laughed at yourself if it wasn’t for the constant loud ringing. Finally, finding your phone between the blanket you picked up without looking at the caller ID.  “Y/n? Y/n?” It took a second for you to register JJ’s voice as she repeated your name.

“Yeah, Yeah, I’m here is everything okay?” you asked, running a hand through your hair. “You need to get to the office. Now.” She sounded serious.

“What happened?” You asked as you vaguely heard someone talk to JJ. It kind of sounded like Gideon. If he came to the office, it must be serious.

“Tell me when I get there, I’m on my way.” You said, not even waiting for her to respond to your question and you hung up. A million thoughts race through your head as you put on a work-appropriate outfit. As soon as you were ready you got in your car and drove to the bau as quickly as you could.

When you arrive JJ immediately walks up to you and starts filling you in. Elle got arrested, Gideon received a head in the mail, Hotch had a strange phone call, and she had just gotten a framed butterfly. “So, someone is targeting the team?” Crossing your arms over your body. You’ve worked for the bau a few years now and have never experienced anything like this.

“You didn’t get anything?” JJ questioned. It was strange. “No, I haven’t.” You replied.

“Huh, that’s strange.” She said what you were just thinking. JJ frowned, clearly trying to think of a reason why you didn’t. “I’ll keep my eye out for anything strange.” You nodded as you told her.

After about 30 minutes of looking over all the evidence the team had gathered so far, Elle, Morgan, and Hotch stepped out of the elevator. JJ walked up to them, so you got up and made your way over.

“Virginia? You mean that son of a bitch is from here?” This is the first thing you hear Elle say as you open the glass doors. Talking about Frank Giles.

“I don’t know if he’s from here, but this is where he flew to. Arlington.” JJ started explaining as you stepped up next to her and Morgan. He gave you a nod as he acknowledged you.

“He’s got a long criminal record. Manslaughter, robbery, rape.” She continued as she read from the file.

“What about the victim?” You asked crossing your arms, “Marty Harris.” Derek filled in.

“Uh, he’s a two-time convicted fetish burglar, registered child sex offender…” JJ read from the other file. “And we have his head.” Gideon interrupted her. “CSU just positively identified the one delivered to my cabin.”

“Don’t waste time on the first victims. They were unrepentant, bad men. They only got what they deserved.” Hotch spoke up. “What is that?” Morgan asked him.

“I got a phone call last night before you called from Jamaica.” He said looking over at Derek.

“Any mention of a ‘her’?” Elle asks Hotch. “You must help him save her.”  he replies.

“Oh, so there’s a ‘him’ now, too?” Elle responds, clearly annoyed. Which is totally reasonable after getting arrested for murder and barely having any sleep.

“I think he means Reid.” You look over at Gideon. “Reid?” You and JJ both say at the same time. “We need to regroup.” Hotch says as last, and you all walk into the office.

You, JJ, Morgan, and Gideon are sitting at the round table. Hotch stood behind you and Elle stood near the tv screen. “So, clearly we have a psychopath intent on drawing us into his game.” Hotch said with his arms crossed. “Playing with us.” Gideon looked at his hands on the table. “Then let’s return the favor.” Elle says.

“He kept telling us repeatedly to save her. What ‘her’?” Derek questions.

“Items he’s sent must be some kind of clues.” You nod at what Gideon says. “Let’s get them up on the board.” Hotch nods towards the board as he says that.

“I got a Nellie Fox baseball card from 1963, and I got a head in a box.” Gideon starts as JJ gets up walking up to the board. “I got a rare butterfly in a shadow box.” She says as she starts writing it down on the whiteboard. “And repeated messages to ‘save her.’” Hotch adds.

“I got the decapitated body.” Elle says smiling sarcastically. “And a nice visit to the Jamaican Police Headquarters.”

Hotch looks over to you to say what you got. “I didn’t get anything.” You shrug.

“Not even a phone call?” He questions, raising an eyebrow. You shake your head. It looked as if Hotch was going to say something, but Gideon changed the subject. “Reid called from Nevada. He's on the way back here with a skeleton key and a note he got, too.”.

“And the guys who called me said, ‘the youngest holds the key’” Hotch adds on. “That’s Reid.” Elle says as she keeps pacing.

“Okay but wait a minute.” You look over at Derek. “Unsubs, they don’t contact us this way. I mean they might taunt us, dare us to catch them, but they don’t drag us into their fantasy.”

“Why not?” JJ asks Morgan when he finishes.

“Because their fantasies are sexual fantasies.” You answer before he can. “Right, taunting us is a show of power, but making us the object is…” He tries to search for the right words, “I don’t know what the hell that is.”

“There’s something else about the baseball card.” You look back to Gideon as he starts a new theory. “Nellie Fox was one of the stars of the 1959 White Sox. I went to almost every game with my father that year. Fox was my hero.” He says as he leans back in the chair. “So, is it a coincidence that he sends this to me, or does he know how I feel about him?” He questions looking over at Hotch. This makes JJ turn around.

“I collected butterflies when I was a little girl.” You all look over at her. “That’s how I knew what butterfly was in the box.”

“So, he knows us?” You question. “I got an anonymous message.” Hotch slightly shrugs. “I got a police raid.” Elle adds on. “But he knew exactly where we were.” Morgan says, supporting your theory. “Hotel in Jamaica Gideon at the cabin, Reid in Vegas, you at your home.” He lists off.

“He got that from the Bureau computers.” Penelope's voice makes you turn around in your chair; she looks nervous and has a file in her hand. “Your locations are always in there so they can find you if they need you. And I checked the log. The hacker was definitely in the personnel folders” She explains. Your brows furrow, how could this happen. “There were room numbers to the hotel in Jamaica, the address of Gideon’s cabin… There’s a lot of information in those databases.” She finished. Something about the way she’s talking is putting you off. There is something she isn’t telling you.

“Have you figured out how he was able to get into the Bureau’s computers?” Hotch asks her. She is silent. Just for a second. “I’m still working on that.” Lying to a room full of profilers probably isn’t the smartest thing to do. “Garcia, if you know something…” Hotch asks, clearly also picking up some things off.

“No, it’s, um…” Penelope's voice breaks slightly. “It’s just… I…” She’s clearly trying to find the right words, scared of upsetting the team. You give her a supportive smile. You’ve known her for years and know she would never do a bad thing on purpose. “I was playing a game yesterday.” She is silent for a second.

You look back to the team and catch JJ’s reaction. She clearly knows what Penelope is talking about. “An online game.” You look back over at the blonde with glasses. Tears shined in her eyes under the LED lights.

“A game?” Gideon asks. “Not on the Bureau computers, sir.” She quickly clarifies. “On my own personal laptop.”

“No, Garcia. No, no, no.” Derek says shaking his head. You close your eyes and lean your head on your hand. “I don’t understand.” Hotch looks for clarification.

“Wireless Internet.” You simply say. “By wirelessly hooking into the Net here to get online, the hacker could have gotten into my computer first, and… I have far less protection on my own laptop.” Penelope stoically explains it to him.

“And he could have gotten into the entire Bureau computer system this way?” You can’t see Hotch’s face as he says it but by the tone of his voice, you have some idea. “Yeah, it’s possible.” Penelope nods.

“Playing a game?” Gideon says as he gets up. “How could you be that stupid?” Seeing the look on Penelope's face, you have to resist the urge to defend her. Yes, she did do something stupid, but Gideon didn’t have to talk to her like that. “Information, files. You have a responsibility.”

“I know, sir. I’m so sorry.” Penelope replies to him. Gideon doesn’t reply. He just turns around. There is an awkward silence that hangs in the air. “But I found him.” Penelope eventually says. Almost full-on crying by now.

“You did?” You ask hopefully. “I know who he is, the hacker. His name is Giles. Frank Giles.” You all look at each other hearing this information. “He lives in Arlington, Virginia, four miles from here. I have his address” She continues as she hands the file she was holding to Hotch.

“Garcia, you said Giles?” Morgan asks her, wanting to confirm he heard it right. She nods quickly. “Let’s go.” Hotch only has to say those two words, and everyone is up and walking out of the office.

The team and you put on your bulletproof vests and got into the black SUVs. Sirens blared as you raced through the streets to get to Frank Giles as quickly as you could. The adrenaline is already pumping through your veins. Finally getting answers about why this is happening. You entered the building with the swat team. Derek kicked the door in, as usual. Everybody walks in with their guns raised. You hear some yell out that it’s clear. You, Derek, and Elle stand for a closed door.

“Frank Giles. FBI.” Derek yells out.

“Come out Giles.” Elle yells. They look at each other and both give a small nod. Then open the doors. As you enter you lower your gun immediately. You see Frank Giles’s lifeless body, only wearing underwear, laying on a dirty old mattress. A sword stuck in him.

“You got to be kidding me.” Elle’s the first one to speak.

“Hotch! Gideon! I think you’re gonna want to see this.” Derek calls out to them. You tear your eyes away from the gruesome scene to look at Elle. But she’s looking at the wall in front of you. So you look up to see ‘here thy quest doth truly begin’ written on the wall in blood.

All of you start taking in the crime scene. Vests already taken off. “He’s definitely playing with us.” Hotch speaks up. “His identification checks out.” Elle says handing his wallet to Hotch. “That’s Frank Giles.”

“There’s a big ol’bag of money sitting right here on the dresser.” Morgan says as he walks over to the bright blue bag. “So, Giles took Harris to Jamaica to kill him.”

“And then the unsub killed Giles.” You finished Hotch’s sentence.

“Yeah, but he paid him first.” Morgan says, confused about it.

“And left the cash?” Elle questions. “He must be well off.” You say, putting your hands on your hips.

“He said these were ‘unrepentant, bad men.’ Are we looking for some kind of vigilante?” Hotch asks, looking over at Gideon.

“No. The bodies are nothing but a way to get us interested. They’re game pieces. The killings are secondary.” Gideon explains nonchalantly.

“Well, this guy likes to write things in blood on the walls.” Elle says as she inspects the bloody walls.

Suddenly your phone starts ringing. All eyes are on you, but you look to Hotch. Silently asking for permission to step out for a bit. He gives you a nod and you step out to the hallway of the apartment building.

When you're alone you answer your phone.

“L/n.” You say but it stays silent on the other end. Pulling the phone away from your ear to check if you hadn’t accidentally declined the call. “Hello?” You ask as you put the phone back to your ear but it’s silent again.

About to hang up suddenly a voice comes through your phone.

“Agent Y/n L/n.” The voice sounds hoarse, you don’t recognize it. “Who is this?” You ask confused. Putting your right hand on your hip.

“It is your task to make sure they hear, and they listen.” The person ignores your question. You release this is the Unsub. “Do not let them stray.” He’s talking about the team.

He has to be. You’re about to respond as he hangs up.

“Damn it.” You let out a frustrated sigh. What could he have possibly meant by that? You keep staring at your phone.

“Hey,” a comforting voice takes you out of your thoughts, “You okay?” You look up to see Spencer walking up to you.

“What?” You look at him confused. Putting your phone back into your pocket. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.” You smile, somewhat awkwardly.

Reid nods and sends a just as awkward smile back. It’s good to see him again. He looks around the empty hallway, hands in his pockets, hair slicked back behind his ears.

“Why are you out here?” He asks you.

“Oh, uh, no reason.” You shrug and let out a laugh. Why did you just lie to him? You honestly don’t know. It just slipped out. He also clearly doesn’t believe you, but before he can question you, you speak up.

“Let’s go, we can use you in there, genius.” You say as you nod towards the room the team is in. This time the smile you give each other isn’t awkward. They both are genuine smiles. Reid always gets a slight blush when someone calls him genius.

You never say it to embarrass him though. You say it full of affection. When you joined the bau, in your first case you got paired up with Spencer. He had been working at the bau for about a year. The two of you hit it off very well.

Walking back into the room you hear Hotch and Derek, “Midnight wouldn’t cast a shadow.” “‘Hour be none.’”

“3 P.M.,” Reid says as you walk in side by side. “Hey, guys. Garcia told me where to find you.” Hotch crouched near the body glances past Reid to look at you with a questioning gaze, silently asking about the phone call. You shake your head telling him it wasn’t important. And again, you don’t know why you are lying to your team about this. You tell yourself it’s because there are more important things right now and that phone call didn’t even make sense.

“3 P.M?” Gideon asks disrupting your thoughts.

“It’s medieval. The days used to be broken into hourly intervals, the canonical hours of the breviary.” Spencer begins to explain, “Prime, 6 A.M”., terce, 9 A.M., sext, 12 noon, none, 3 P.M., and vespers 6 P.M.”

Elle smiles at him fondly and points her finger at him, “Reid, do not ever go away again.” He smiles at her as Gideon starts talking. “Medieval. That’s why the language changed. ‘doth’”

“Everything this guy does is a clue.” Hotch says looking at the team.

 “Okay, but, guys, it’s 4:35. What do we do? Leave to the blade in till 3 P.M. tomorrow?” Derek asked.

“What if we block that window out?” You asked, pointing towards the window. Reid nodded at what you said and turned to one of the crime scene investigators. “Do you have any spotlights in your car?” He asked Gina.

“Sure.” She says as she's getting up, Elle thanks her.

When she came back with a flashlight she gave it to Reid. He crouched down next to where you were standing and pointed the light to the sword.

“See, this sun is right here at 5 P.M., Morgan, follow the shadow as I move the light higher.” Derek starts to move a small table out of the way to get closer to the wall. “Okay, and do what?” He asks when he’s finished.

“Tap.” Hotch instructs him. Derek starts tapping on the wall. He stops when he finds a hollow spot. “It’s hollow.” He says as he looks back at Hotch.

“Definitely an Indiana Jones movie.” Elle says looking over at you when you laugh at her joke.

“Feels like the wallpaper’s been replaced.” Morgan says to Hotch. “Tear it open.” He replies. Derek takes a knife out of his pocket and starts cutting open the wallpaper. Pulling back the wall.

“It’s a box.” He states looking back at the team. “Pull it out.” Hotch instructs him again. “Wait, are we sure that’s safe?” Spencer asks as he stands up. You look over at him. “You think it’s a bomb?” You ask him questionably.

“It isn’t. You think he’d be playing this game just to blow us up?” Hotch retorts. “He’d have already done that as long as we’ve been standing here.” Derek agrees with him and pulls out the box from the hole. He placed it on the table from earlier.

Hotch crouches next to Gideon to get a better look at it. You make your way over to see what it is, while Spencer doesn’t move. Morgan tries to open it, but it seems like it won’t budge.

“It’s locked.” He confirms, “You want me to break it?”

“No, we should process it first.” Hotch answers his question.

“The youngest holds the key.” Gideon suddenly speaks up. And you, Hotch, and Morgan all look at Reid. Spencer searches his pants pockets for the key. Only to realize he put it in the pocket of his button-up.

He does a little jog up to the box and goes to open it. Putting the key in and backing up slightly as he turns it. Music starts to come from the box.

It takes a second for you to recognize it. Turns out all those failed piano lessons are good for something. “Schubert.” Gideon says but before he can say which piece you beat him to it.

“The Trout Quintet.” He looks over at you confused, clearly, he didn’t expect you to know it. You just shrug in reply as you focus on the note that Spencer pulled out of the box. “Five people fishing.” Hotch says, giving context to the song.

“Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man’s sight.” Reid starts reading off the paper. “Well, that was worth it.” Elle says as she turns away.

“The lid.” Gideon points at the box, “Little tab right under the lock.” Morgan leans over Reid to open the lid.

As he opens it there’s a dvd in it, but also a blonde lock of hair tied with a pink bow.

“Jesus.” Slips out of you. “Oh, god.” Elle says at the same time.

Morgan pulls both out as Gideon lets out a tired sigh. Derek gives Elle the lock of hair. “Do you have that evidence bag?” She asks one of the CSI’s. “Here you go.” He replies as he holds out a bag for her to put the hair in.

“Thy quest.” Morgan says standing up and holding out the dvd so you all can see it. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Gideon putting his head in his hand. After everything is mostly wrapped up at the crime scene you all make your way back to the office.

Everyone is clearly tired and wants to catch this guy.

On the car ride back all you can think about is that phone call. It keeps repeating in your head. “Agent Y/n L/n.”  “Who is this?”  “It is your task to make sure they hear, and they listen. Do not let them stray.” You just can’t seem to make sense of it. What is it that you need to make sure they listen to? Maybe this dvd?

Without even releasing you’re back, sitting at the round table. The dvd is playing.

You see a barely lit office. A man stumbles into the frame and sits down at the chair, you can’t make out a face though.

“He moves funny.” Hotch noted. Derek looks back at Hotch to reply, “It’s like he’s injured or something.”

The man in the video starts talking. “I assure you, you will all understand in the end why it must be this way.” It’s the same voice of the man who called you at Frank Giles’s place. You shift in your seat as he continues. “You might even thank me.”

“Don’t hold your breath, scumbag.” You see Hotch glance over at Elle as she says this.

“You know now you’re on a quest. A young girl’s life depends on the successful completion of it.” The video shows a blonde girl being held captive. She’s throwing things at the camera and hitting the bars of the cage. “As you can see, she is quite beautiful and in distress.” The way he talks about her along with the footage makes your skin crawl.

“Now please listen closely for there is one rule and this rule must be followed.” You sit up straighter in your chair. The things he said on the phone call must be about this.

“The one rule is, only the members of your team may participate in the quest: Jason Gideon, Aaron Hotchner, Derek Morgan, Elle Greenaway, Y/n L/n, Spencer Reid, Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia.” As he said, all your names and pictures of everyone on the team showed on the screen.

“A quest must be completed in the proper way, or it isn’t a quest, is it? That’s it. One rule. Simple. Now, you will be receiving an item soon that will hold the final clue you will need to finish the quest. You will find you will also need a book which has inspired many adventures like mine. Believe me, when I tell you I truly hope to see you all soon. It will mean a successful end to this adventure for all of us.” The video stopped playing. You look at everyone on the team.

“This guy’s got pictures of us?” Elle is the first one to speak up.

“What do we do now?” Reid asks Hotch.

“Well, the lock of hair’s being analyzed for DNA. There might be something on file.” He answers Reid.

“I’ll get Video to enhance the shots of the girl.” JJ says as she gets up to leave.

“Let's get the clues up on the board. Maybe we can make some sense of something.” Hotch instructs.

“Wait, we’re going to play this guy’s game?” Elle asks him, frustrated.

“Do we have a choice?” Spencer replies. But you’re not focusing on their conversation anymore, you’re focused on Gideon. You can’t figure out what he’s up to as he’s about to leave the room.

Everyone else turns around when they hear the click of the door opening.

“Be right back. You guys keep working.” Hotch says as he gets up to talk to Gideon. However, you don’t listen. The rest of the team looks at you as you follow him.

You’re following him out of the room for two reasons. Wanting to know what’s going on, everyone has always told you you’re too curious for your own good. And thinking now might be a good time to also mention to Hotch that you got a call from the Unsub.

“Jason?” Hotch calls out as he follows Gideon, “Jason!” He calls out again when the older man doesn’t stop. Gideon walks into his office and lets the door slam closed behind him. Before Hotch follows Gideon into his office, he gives you a disapproving look for following him. “We’ll talk about this later.” He says dismissively and walks into Gideon's office.

You let out a sigh. Why did you think this would work. You turn back around to have your walk of shame back to the rest of the group.

Morgan lets out a small laugh as he sees you walking back into the room. Reid gives you a questioning look, but you just shrug it off.

Not long after Hotch handed a paper over to Reid and said Haley received it. You, Morgan, Elle, and Reid had been staring at these numbers for a while now.

“My eyes are so heavy I can barely see it.” Elle says with a sigh.

“It has to be some kind of code, right?” You question, leaning against the table next to Reid. “The Unsub said we needed a book, didn’t he?” Reid brings up. You look over at him, curious about where he’s going with this.

“Yeah. ‘a book that inspired many an adventure.’” Morgan quotes from the video.

“It’s a book code. Each one of these sets of numbers represents a particular word.” Spencer explains and points at one of the codes on the paper, “For instance, page 118, line 30, word three. We need to figure out what the words are and fill in the blanks.”

“Right, but we don’t know what book.” You respond, another dead end.

“And the trouble is, it has to be the exact same edition of the exact same book that he used.” Reid adds on.

“Just got a DNA hit on the lock of hair.” JJ says as she walks into the room, “Rebecca Bryant.” She hands Elle a picture after showing it to you, “She’s been missing out of Boston for two years.”

You look over at her shocked, “Two years?” She nods as she looks at you.

“Guys, how are we supposed to figure out which book this code was copied out of?” Derek brings the conversation back after being handed the picture from Elle. “I have no idea.” Spencer replies. JJ walks up to the whiteboard and sticks the picture of Rebecca on it.

Reid was standing in front of the whiteboard, “He said we have everything needed to complete the quest.” he said as he turned around to look at you, Elle, and Derek. Derek was sitting on the chair backward, Elle practically laying in the leather chair, you were leaning against the table and JJ was sitting normally at the table looking over the evidence.

“The answer’s got to be up there somewhere.” Elle mumbles, very clearly tired.

“JJ, get some reporters here as soon as you can.” You quickly turn around as you hear Gideon say this. Alarm bells going off in your head.

Once again, the things the Unsub said on your phone call repeating themselves. It is your task to make sure they hear and they listen. Do not let them stray. Gideon’s not listening. “For what?” JJ asks him. “Just say we need help on a new case.” Is all he gives in response before he walks away.

You get up to follow him, again. You have to stop him from doing this. Gideon is always surprisingly fast for his age. You just barely catch up to him when he reaches Hotch again. “Sirs, you can’t do this.” You say, well it more sounds like you're begging.

Gideon and Hotch, both give you confused looks.

You take a deep breath. “He called me.” You say looking at them.

Their reactions are exactly what you expected. Gideon stays silent, he’s profiling you. “What? What do you mean he called you L/n?  When did this happen?” Hotch asks you with a stern look on his face as he crosses his arms. You feel ashamed. You should’ve told them. You know that. You just hoped you had figured out what he meant earlier so you could’ve given the team helpful evidence and not more questions. “Back at the apartment.” You say, placing your hands behind your back so they don’t notice how nervous you are.

Gideon just shakes his head and walks away. Obviously thinking he has better things to do than deal with you.

“Why didn’t you say something before?” Hotch asks you.

“I… I don’t know,” The unsatisfied look Hotch gives you makes rethink your answer, “I wanted to figure out what he meant.”

“So, you could show off?” Hotch fills it in for himself. You quickly shake your head. That’s not why you did it. “No, no I didn’t want to add more unanswered questions for the team.” It sounds stupid and you realize that.

Hotch sighs and rubs his forehead, “What did he say to you?”

“He told me to make sure they hear, and they listen and to not let them stray. I think he was talking about the video.” You reply to him, “I think the press conference is a mistake, Hotch.”

“Gideon knows what he’s doing L/n, I trust him. You should’ve told us sooner.” He says before walking away. You couldn’t shake the nervous feeling. You went to get some coffee. Not ready to face your team yet.

On your third cup, you see Hotch walking back into the office. The press conference is over, there’s nothing you can do about it now. You see Elle walking out with Hotch.

“Anderson, take Greenaway home.” He says, looking over at him. “Yes, sir.” Anderson immediately replies.

“No, I’m fine.” Elle protests. “I’ll have your car brought over later.” Hotch tells her. “Alright, come on, Anderson.”

Do not let them stray. It repeats in your head.

“Sir, is it okay if I go with them? I can come back whenever you need me.” You ask Hotch. He hesitates for a moment, thinking it over. Elle smiles over at you, she appreciates it.

“Alright but keep your phone on and close L/n.” Hotch tells you.

Elle was struggling to stay awake the whole drive back to her house. Anderson dropped you both off and went back to the office. Elle let you into the house. You’ve been here before, many times, you and her occasionally have a drink after a case when neither of you wants to be alone.

Elle tosses her keys on the coffee table and drops her bag next to the couch and flops down on it. You can’t help but let out a laugh. She doesn’t even have the energy to glare at you, shifting on the couch to get into a more comfortable position.

You put down your own bag next to hers and take off your gun and gun holster placing them next to her keys on the table. You walked into her kitchen, you hadn’t eaten yet and doubted she had.

Opening the fridge just to find it practically empty. There are some leftovers, but they don’t look edible anymore. You grab them to throw them away, the smell hits you and you pull a face.

“Gross.” You mutter under your breath and throw it in the trash can. “Hey, I'm going to get some food, you want any?” You ask her as you walk back into her living room.

She lets out a noise that’s something between a hum and a groan.

“Alright, I’ll take that as a yes.” You say with a smile on your face, “I’m taking your keys, I’ll be right back.” Reaching for her keys on the table.

She gives you a thumbs-up while trying to stifle a yawn.

So, you lock the door behind you as you leave for the small supermarket near her house. It’s about a 10 minute walk away.

You grab some iced coffees and some simple heat-up meals. You’re done in about 5 minutes, pay for everything and walk back. The plastic bag is heavier than you expected it to be, it leaves imprints on your fingers.

You reach Elle’s front door and reach for the keys in your jacket. You try to open the lock as quietly as you can, not wanting to wake her up.

As you open the door you freeze. The plastic bag somehow becomes ten times heavier, and it drops to the floor. The ice coffee starts to leak but it’s the least of your concern.

Elle is laying on the floor covered in her own blood.

“Oh my god…” You whisper. You rush forward to her somehow without falling over your own feet. You fall to your knees. Hands reach up to her face. She isn’t conscious. You give her a few taps on her cheek and her eyes flutter slightly.

“Shit, Elle. You gotta stay awake, okay?” You look around helplessly. Her phone is on the floor next to her. Did she call 911?  You place one hand on the wound to try and stop the bleeding, knowing it isn’t doing much as you feel the red hot liquid slip right past your fingers.

You reach over her to check her phone. Luckily you know her password.

You check her out going call and see 911. A sigh of relief escapes you.

Help is on the way. You just have to do everything you can to keep her alive until then.

Blood is staining your hands as you try to stop the bleeding. Her eyes closed.

“No, no, no, no, Elle, stay with me. Come on, you gotta keep your eyes open. Keep them open for me. Fuck. Elle. Come on. Please… I… I can’t lose you. Please.” A million things ran through your head. If you had been here, you could’ve stopped him.

If you hadn’t left, Elle would be okay. God, why did they have that press conference. Why hadn’t you been more demanding with Hotch that it was a bad idea.

Vague sirens interrupted your train of thought. Taking one hand to check Elle’s pulse. Time stopped. You couldn’t feel a heartbeat.

“Fuck.” Panicking. What would cpr do if she was bleeding out? Not like you had any other choice. You started compressions.

No thoughts run through your head anymore. Just pure focus on the task. Not even noticing the sirens getting louder and louder.

A paramedic pulls you away from Elle. Only now realizing they had arrived. Their mouths were moving but you couldn’t make out any of the words.

You stepped back. Letting them do their job.

Everything is hazy, you blink rapidly. Tears fall on your cheeks.

Have you been crying this whole time? You didn’t even realize it. They place Elle on a stretcher and make their way back to the ambulance. You follow them without saying a word. You don’t think about the fact that your phone is still in your bag.

Getting ready to step into the ambulance you noticed a car arriving. Anderson. He stumbled out of the SUV.

“L/n, what happened?” He tried not to show his fear but the tremble in his voice gave him away. “Call Hotch. Meet me at the hospital. I- I’ll explain there.” You spoke hurriedly while getting into the ambulance.

The paramedics are rushing the stretcher into the ER. You’re having a hard time keeping up with them. The doctors take Elle over.

“I’m sorry, we are taking her into surgery. You aren’t allowed any further.” One of the nurses is holding you back. You have no fight left in you, so you just nod and make your way to the waiting room.

Anderson is already there. His eyes are red. Had he been crying? He looked like a mess. You didn’t even want to think about what you looked like right now. The way Anderson’s eyes widened when he saw you back at the house told you enough. You definitely looked worse than him.

“I called Hotchner. Him and Agent Gideon are on their way now.” Wringing his hands as he spoke. He’s nervous. “Do you... um, do you know anything yet?” He barely could get the question out without tears threatening to spill.

“She’s in surgery.” Was all you could manage to get out as you spoke. Wanting to run your hand over your face but as you reached you noticed the deep maroon stains and how much it was shaking so you put your hand back down.

“If you want to, I can wait here, so you can get cleaned up.” He offered. You gave him a thankful but tired smile.

Making your way over to the bathroom. The door handle stuck to your hand slightly, leaving a slight red imprint on it.

You let out a heavy sigh, resting your head against the door as you closed it behind you. Walking up to the sink you didn’t dare to look into the mirror.

You turned on the faucet and put your shaky hands under the ice cold water. The water colored red instantly. You tried not to think about the fact it was Elle’s blood you were washing off.

Keeping your hands under the water until it turned clear again made them start to tingle from the freezing water. Turning the faucet off, you placed your hands on the sides of the sink. Not daring to look at your own reflection.

Involuntarily you let out a shaky breath. Trying to recollect yourself.

Hotch and Gideon would arrive any moment. They would have questions for you. Questions that would force you to think back to what happened not even an hour ago, while all you’ve been trying this whole time is to forget about it. You couldn’t bear to try and remember.

You dried your hands and walked out of the bathroom, scanning the waiting room for Anderson. He was talking to two men in suits. Two men you could recognize anywhere. How did they get here so soon? How long had you been in the bathroom? You looked at your wrist. The face of your watch is stained with blood. You quickly pulled the sleeve of your jacket back over it.

“It appears she dialed 911 herself before she passed out.” You hear Anderson say as you get closer to them. Hotch and Gideon turned around when they noticed Anderson's gaze shifting to you.

The pity and maybe even guilt that Anderson feels when he makes eye contact with you is clear on his face. Or maybe it’s clear to you since profiling is your job, but then how come you couldn’t prevent Elle from dying. No. She isn’t dead. Not anymore. The paramedics shocked her back to life. She’s alive. She’ll be okay. She has to be. You would never be able to live with yourself if she wouldn’t be. Hotch keeps his eyes on you for a minute while Gideon turns back around.

“Why weren’t we notified?” He asks Anderson.

“The offender apparently took her ID and gun. The uniform I talked to didn’t even know she was in the Bureau until I arrived on scene.” He replies to Gideon quickly.

“Get back over there.” Hotch says turning back to look at Anderson. “This is a federal crime scene. Nobody touches anything. We process it.” He instructs the younger agent. “Go.”

“Yes, sir.” Anderson replies as he leaves to go and do exactly what Hotch told him to.

The two agents turn back around to observe you. You are staring into space; your mind is clouded. Nothing feels clear anymore. Hotch and Gideon glance at each other. Both concerned with the state you’re in currently. Gideon takes out his phone and walks a few steps away, going to call the office.

“L/n? Hey L/n?” An authoritative, yet comforting voice made you reorientate. Hotch squinted his eyes and ever so slightly tilted his head. He was profiling you. And you would’ve noticed if you weren’t so tired.

“Sorry, what were you saying sir?” Crossing your arms over each other.

“You’re lucky you weren’t there as well.” He said touching your shoulder. But you didn’t feel lucky. All you felt was guilt, but you simply nodded. “Is there anything you remember?” He crosses his arms just like you did.

“I-” You choke on your words. You close your eyes and shake your head trying to get your thoughts in order. “I wasn’t even gone for 30 minutes. If I had just… If I hadn’t left, she would be okay.”

“If you had been there, he most likely would’ve shot you as well L/n.” Hotch tells you. Before you can say anything, else Gideon walks back over to the two of you.

“Trap and trace got nothing.” He says leaning against the wall and putting his phone away. “Unsub used a disposable cell.” You look confused at that. Hotch notices.

“The unsub, he called us. Taunting us about Elle.” He explains to you. You let out an exhausted sigh. It’s as if this case never ends.

“We got our best CSU team. If he left anything, a print, a hair, sweat, anything…” “They’ll find it.” Gideon cuts Hotch off. You look down at your hands, they are still shaking.

“I’m going to grab a coffee.” You mutter out and leave the two agents.

After grabbing your coffee, you go and sit in the waiting room. It is completely empty. Would you rather have it be busy? You’re not sure which would be worse. Because now you must sit here in this hurt. This constant tight feeling in your chest, as if you’re not getting enough air.

A few minutes later Gideon walks in. He nods at you as you look at him. He sits down a few chairs away from where you’re sitting, giving you some space. You sit in silence, it’s not uncomfortable but it also isn’t exactly comfortable. “Hotch is calling JJ and Morgan.” He says, explaining where the other agent is. You just nod, not having the energy to reply. You look down at the coffee in your hands, you haven’t taken a single sip. It’s pretty much cold now. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Gideon scrabbling things down on the magazines that lay down on the table. You don’t ask him about it.

After a while, Hotch walks in and you look up from your drink. He’s gotten rid of his suit jacket. “Any word?” He asks Gideon.

“Nope.” Gideon replies simply.

“I called JJ. I told her we’d call them if anything changed.” Hotch tells the two of you as he leans on the two chairs in front of him. Gideon and you simply nod at what he says.

“What’s all that?” Hotch asks as he notices the writing on the magazines.

“This unsub’s extremely organized.” Gideon explains instead of answering his question, “He sounded truly shocked that we didn’t follow the rules. He honestly believed we would simply listen to his directions.”

“He’s delusional. He thinks he’s a mythological king.” Hotch says, his eyebrows furrow slightly.

“But delusion and this level of organization are almost mutually exclusive.” Gideon corrects Hotch, “You don’t meticulously plan contacts in the real world if you’re suffering psychotic breaks from reality.” Before Hotch can reply to Anderson walks back in. “How is she?” he quietly asks. You stare back down at your coffee again.

“No word yet.” Hotch replies to him, “Is the scene processed?”

“They’re finished. We still have it locked up tight, though.” Anderson explains.

“They find anything?” Hotch asks, he sounds exhausted.

“CSU found a partial print.” You look up as Anderson says this. “The shooter wrote a message on the wall in blood and,” He did? How did you not notice that? Hotch and Gideon glance at you just for a second, probably thinking the same. “In one of the smudges, they found a whorl pattern.” Anderson hands over the file to Hotch. “They made a lift. They aren’t sure whether it’s enough to get a hit, but they are processing it now.” Anderson continues as Hotch hands the file over to Gideon. You get up from your seat, still holding your coffee, you walk closer to Gideon to look at the file.

He grabs the top picture of a bloody fingerprint to reveal what the unsub wrote on the wall. RULES. Dripping down the wall. You try to think back as hard as you can but don’t remember seeing it. You should’ve seen it. Gideon reads what’s on the picture and looks up at Hotch. He places the file back down on the table in front of him.

Hotch leaves to get coffee. Leaving you and Gideon alone again. You go to sit back down in the chair but stop.

You can’t help the words that slip out of your mouth. “You shouldn’t have done the press conference.” You turn around to face him. “I tried to warn you.”

Gideon doesn’t say anything. He just stares down at the file. You want to yell at him. Scream that it’s his fault. But you bite the inside of your cheek.

“I was just doing my job.” He says quietly, so quiet it’s barely a whisper. You can’t help but let out a scoff and stare at him. If looks could kill Gideon would be six feet under by now. You respect him, you truly do, but he made a bad call and can’t own up to it.

The reasonable part of your brain tells you, you are projecting your own feelings of guilt and anger on him, but you don’t have it in you to be reasonable right now. So, you storm out of the waiting room. You throw your coffee in a trash can as you walk past it. Hotchner passes by you with two coffees in his hand, he’s put his jacket back on, he raises an eyebrow when you don’t acknowledge him. He looks back at you but keeps walking back to the waiting room.

You let out a frustrated sigh. You notice one of Elle’s doctors and go to ask if they have any new information.

She just tells you the same thing, “No, I’m sorry.” And she walks away.

You just wish someone could tell you something, anything. You’re tired, exhausted, angry, sad, terrified, guilty. Your eyes start to sting as you try and hold back your tears. You look around and walk into the nearest bathroom.

When the door closes the damn breaks and tears fall down your face. A sob escapes you and you place your hand over your mouth. You try to focus on your breathing to try and calm down. It works a little bit.

You decide washing your face might help you get grounded again, so you walk over to the sink. Turning it on and putting your hands under the water. Somehow the water of this sink is even colder than the one from before. You cup your hands under it and splash the water on your face.

You reach to grab a towel to dry your hands and face but catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You look even worse than you imagined. Your mascara is all over the place and so is your hair. There even is some dried blood on your face, you quickly scrub it off with a damp paper towel.

So many thoughts and feelings have been racing through your head over the past few hours, you can barely keep up with them. Did you overstep with Gideon just now? Possibly. You just couldn’t handle bearing all the guilt you were feeling anymore.

Before you leave you check yourself in the mirror again. You look… less chaotic to put it nicely. You smooth over your hair and clothes and walk out of the bathroom.

You start looking for Hotch and Gideon but only find the latter. He’s staring into space, the thing you’ve seen him do all day. You look around before approaching him, hoping to find Hotch instead.

“Hey…” You clear your throat as you stand next to the chair he’s sitting in. He takes a second to look up to his left and gives you a nod of acknowledgment. A certain awkwardness flows between you two. Neither saying a word.

His fingers are interlaced, resting on his lap. He’s trying to appear calm and collected, but his shaking knee is giving him away.

There’s a free chair next to him. You debate with yourself whether you should sit down or not. Gideon nods over to the chair as if he was reading your mind. “Just sit down, kid.”

A quick nod is all you give him in response as you go and sit down.

After sitting in this silence for a few minutes, you speak up. “She’s going to be okay right?” You rub your palms over your thighs, trying to shake the nervous feeling.

“Greenaway is strong, she’s a fighter.” He doesn’t know if she’ll be okay. He is probably as terrified as you are right now. Once again, you just nod. You wring your fingers. Letting out a sigh, you look over at Gideon.

“Sir, I’m sorry if I overstepped…” He looks over at you with a raised eyebrow, “Earlier, in the waiting room.” You remind him.

Gideon nods, he hadn’t expected you to bring it up again. He wasn’t mad at you; he was mad at himself. He should’ve listened. And he would regret the choice he made, along with all the other choices over his career. Gideon waved his hand at you, telling you that what happened didn’t matter.

You and Gideon sat in the hallway for another half hour before a doctor finally approached both of you. Hearing the news a sigh left you. Relief flooded your body.

Elle is okay. Elle is alive.

Gideon went to call the team as you followed the doctor. Elle was laying in the hospital bed. She looked peaceful. You can’t remember the last time you saw her this relaxed. You approach her bed and sit down in the chair next to it. All the memories of today wash over you again, the thought that you could’ve lost your friend. You wipe away a single tear that falls.  

Gideon walks up next to you after a few minutes. Laying his hand on your shoulder.

“They caught him, he’s dead.” You turn around to look at him, “They saved Rebecca.” You look back to Elle as you nod at what he says. Part of you wished you could’ve been there with the team. Gotten some justice for Elle. But you were where you needed to be. Right here. In the hospital, sitting next to Elle as she wakes up.

[lordprettyflackotara]

hitchhiker || chapter two || the proxies

tw: mentions of murder, brief descriptions of gore

a/n: i’ve gotten a lot of love for this series and i just wanted to say thank you!! as a tribute of my appreciation i present a question: would you guys prefer this story on another platform ADDITIONAL to tumblr? i’ve gotten a few ask. i’m not familiar with ao3 but id like to learn if yall want it :)<3

<— chapter one

You had Toby absolutely mesmerized.

He swallowed nervously as he sat beside you in the diner’s booth. Brian had specifically requested the booth farthest away from everyone else. He sought out privacy, even when you curiously arched an eyebrow when he informed the waitress of his request.

Toby couldn’t help but admire your figure, your curves begging to be acknowledged in that slimming white dress of yours. The sight borderline made his mouth water. Toby shifted uncomfortably in his seat, refraining from anxiously chewing on the inside of his mouth. This would be the first time in years he would be eating in public. Usually he was never concerned with his appearance. That was until he met you.

Now he was slouched in a booth at a diner, a large bandage tightly secured to the decaying side of his face. You were kind enough to not stare, Toby only having noticed your eyes flickering to it once. You hadn’t question his ghoul gray skin or bandage. You didn’t stare at him like he was a freak. You just carried on the conversation like he was a normal person like Tim and Brian. He glanced over at Tim and Brian, his leg bouncing up and down under the table.

The four of you had been served glasses of water, the waitress apologizing and ushering to a different table. You began to unwrap a straw, before putting it into your glass.

“So, what do you guys do for work?”

The question almost made Brian spit out his drink. Tim elbowed his partner. “We’re private consultants,” He replied casually. You sipped your water, grabbing the lemon off of the rim. “Private consultants for what?” You asked, squeezing the juice into your water. Toby watched Brian and Tim carefully, both of them tongue tied. “K-kind of like detective-es. Just without the license,” Toby answered. He hoped you hadn’t noticed how shaky his hand was as he grabbed his glass. He didn’t bother with a straw, carelessly gulping down the water.

“Detectives? Thats nice. Hired by a private client I assume? One that’s behind the scenes,” You suggest. Toby exchanged looks with Tim, giving him a slight nod to suggest they go along with your explanation. “Yeah victims families sometimes aren’t satisfied with the police’s answer for disappearances or murders. They hire people like us to do some of our own investigating,” Tim replied. He hadn’t touched his water. The waitress returned, a small notebook in hand.

“What will you all have to drink?”

Tim gestured for you to go first.

“I’ll have a coke, thank you.”

You looked over at Toby, whose leg was bouncing under the table at a million miles per hour.

“Dr Pepper i-if you have it.”

The waitress gave a confirming nod, looking over at Brian.

“I’ll just stick with water.”

She nodded, her gaze landing on Tim.

“I’ll just have black coffee, thanks.”

Once she left, you were eager to resume the conversation. “Must be exciting work, traveling all of the time. I assume it’s all paid right? Like traveling fees and food,” You say. Toby couldn’t help but feel nervous around you, the brunette forcing himself to join the conversation. “Y-yeah it’s p-pretty nice,” He replied. He felt his neck begin to twitch, Brian’s eyes shooting daggers at him across the table. “You guys should meet my best friend Nova. She just became the lead detective around here,” You suggested. Tim exchanged glances with Brian. Toby clutched his cup, practically reading their thoughts.

They finally had justification for keeping you around.

The waitress came back, setting the drinks on the table. She clicked her pen as she brought out her notepad from the apron, the sound making Toby’s left arm twitch. “What will you have?” She asked you. You glanced at the menu, clearing your throat. Oddly enough it felt weird having all three of their eyes on you, watching you intently. “I’ll have the barbecue burger with fries, thanks,” You tell her. She took the menu from your hands, looking over at Toby. “I’ll have the same but with two burgers instead of one,” Toby said, giving her a small smile. The waitresses eyebrows raised, but she scribbled it onto her notepad without comment.

Her eyes landed on Brian, who hadn’t glanced at the menu. “I’ll take a veggie burger with no tomato, thank you,” He said simply, handing the waitress the menu. She turned to Tim, who was quick to dismiss her. “Just coffee for me,” He told her. Your eyebrows furrowed as the waitress walked away. You wanted to questions Tim’s denial of food, Toby quick to cut you off. It was far too risky to have you aware of his crippling insomnia. “So what d-do you do for wor-rk?” He asked you. You grinned shyly, hoping the heat that was dashing across your cheeks wasn’t visible. It was.

“It’s a bit silly but I want to be an actress. I’ve always dreamed of being up on the big screen,” You admitted, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. Tim sipped his coffee, listening intently. “For now though I work at Olive Garden. Just until I get my big break,” You finished. Toby stared at you in awe. He thought you deserved to be in every movie ever. Including the x rated ones. “You’ll be in Hollywood in no tim-me,” Toby told you, flashing you a big smile. His words provided you relief, Brian’s judgment written across his face. You could tell he didn’t want to be there. You returned Toby’s smile before turning back to Tim.

You had said something, Toby’s sight able to see your lips moving. But his hearing went dull, the diners lights flickering. He set his cup down on the table, trying to count his breathes. One. Two. Inhale. Exhale. This wasn’t real, right? It couldn’t be real. The Operator wouldn’t sought them out here, in such a public place. Right? His gaze landed past Brian, past the heads of the few other people left in the diner. Clear as day in the window, Toby saw a face. Or better said, a mask. He blinked and his breath became shallow as he took in the observers appearance.

Mangled jet black hair, now grown out past her shoulders. A snow white mask with black eyes stared back at Toby through the window, her eyes ominously hidden. Toby would recognize the faded white walmart jacket from anywhere.

What the fuck was Kate doing here?

Toby’s attention came back to the table as the waitress arrived, setting their food in front of them. He looked back at the window, Kate now gone. “You good Tob?” You asked. The brunette turned to look at you, silently shocked you cared. He nodded, giving you a weak smile. “F-fine just thought I saw something,” He replied. Toby shot Brian and Tim a look, one both of them were oblivious to. Did they not see the flickering lights? Brian was too invested in his food, while Tim’s attention was completely focused on you. Toby quietly picked up his burger, taking a bite. Man, you had good taste.

Toby was aware he was schizophrenic. He knew that when his mind went a little too into overdrive he’d see things that weren’t there. Over the years he had grown accustomed to it, making significant progress from his first year with the Operator. Sometimes he’d see his parents or Lyra. If he was in a bad episode he’d even be able to convince himself he was touching Lyra. Like she was really there. He hadn’t seen Lyra or his parents in years. Nor had he seen Kate in at least a year.

Kate the Chaser was a fellow proxy, who spent most of her missions alone. She was quiet and mysterious, never saying too much. As you continued to talk to Tim and Brian, Toby’s mind began to wander. Why was she here? He didn’t show any other signs of being in an episode. The colors in the diner were the same, no strange voices were whispering in his ears. Toby took another bite of his burger, his mind continuing to rack itself for an answer. Kate only came around for one of two reasons. 1. She was doing a favor for one of the Operators brothers or 2. She was there to check on the status of a mission. If it was option two, the three of them were fucked.

“What do you think Toby?” You asked. Your sweet voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry what?” He asked meekly. You pointed at his burger. “About the burger? It’s my favorite. They always have apple bacon,” You say. You were so peacefully oblivious, Toby’s scrambled mind feeling like it was glitching. “Very good, love b-barbecue,” He answered. He gave you a weak smile, dipping a fry into some ketchup. “So what’s your family like? They live out here as well?” Brian asked. Toby couldn’t help but feel unsettled, like they were being watched. Out of the three of them Toby was the least prone to excessive paranoia, but right now he felt like it was all too real.

“No I moved away from home. Originally I wanted to go to New York but I ended up here along the way. It’s the closest I can afford to the big city. Besides it’s not too far away,” You say, shrugging. Considering they were in Ohio, Toby concluded this to not be true. However you seemed to be trying to play off your own insecurities and Toby was determined to play along. “Where are you guys from?” You asked, sipping your coke. The lights in the diner flickered again. Toby’s eyes narrowed. “Alabama, nothing special,” Tim answered, earning a kick from Brian under the table. You took another bit of your burger, the sound of faint static flooding your eardrums. Your new friends didn’t seem to hear it, the three of them unnerved.

You decided to try to ignore it, a slight pounding sensation ensuing in your temple. You had no idea the other three heard it as well, four hundred times worse. Toby watched Tim’s head begin to pound, his adam’s apple swallowing as he tried to endure the headache. His gaze flickered over to Brian, his head twitching to the left. “Oh shit,” Toby muttered, dropping his fry. He grabbed the nearby steak knife, watching as Masky and Hoodie nonchalantly began to front. You looked over at Toby, who was shaking as he clutched the black handle of the knife. He was ready to defend your life with his own and a shitty steak knife.

“Tob? You alright?” You asked, eyes widening at the sight of the knife. Toby watched Masky and Hoodie carefully, waiting for them to attack. It was getting late, the four of them the only ones left in the diner. It wouldn’t be hard to kill you and the only waitress left. But you were so kind. So pleasant to be around. Plus, you smelled good. Masky frowned at the sight of you. If he could’ve had it his way he would’ve followed you home, disposing your body in a rancid dumpster. But he knew his place, the Operators request of his presence coming first. Masky dug in his pocket, Toby’s gaze darkening. He placed a wad of cash on the table, sliding out of the booth. “We have something we have to take care of. Why don’t you walk her home Toby?” Masky suggested blandly. Hoodie followed suit, hands dug in his jeans as he trailed after Masky. Hoodie’s lips curled into a cocky smirk, shamelessly checking you out. The duo left the diner quickly, leaving you and Toby dumbfounded.

“Are they bipolar or something?” You asked. Toby released the knife, trying to ignore your bewildered expression. A flash of white ran across the window, Kate’s presence confirmed. “S-something like that-t. Let’s get you home,” Toby suggested nervously. He ushered you out of the diner, anxiously looking around. He couldn’t spot Masky or Hoodie anywhere, nor Kate or the Operator. He sighed in relief, the cold night wind brutal. “I live down this way,” You say, pointing to down town. You wanted to question Tim and Brian’s odd behavior, but ultimately decided against it. Toby walked beside you, the orange street lights illuminating the path. He tried to be quiet, trying to uncover what they did wrong in his mind.

The cold didn’t bother him, but his eyes flickered over to you. You were a shivering mess, goosebumps littering your smooth skin. “H-here. Might n-not smell the best,” He said quickly. He slid off his signature hoodie, handing it to you. “But you’ll be cold,” You pointed out. Toby shook his head. “I don’t get cold-d. Here,” He insisted. Hesitantly you accepted Toby’s hoodie, sliding it on. It smelled like dirt, cologne, and a metallic scent you couldn’t place. “Thank you Toby,” You say, giving him a grin. Toby thought back to the dismemberment of the body. He followed the usual routine. Depending on the victim there were two possible routines.

One being what they called mystery. Toby would extract the teeth, slicing fingerprints and toes off of the victim. Next he’d scoop out the eyes, before slicing out the tongue. After that he’d cut off the head. He’d distribute the fingertips, toes, teeth, eyes, and head to Masky and Hoodie. The three would divide them up evenly, before going their own ways for the night to discard of the evidence. Toby had an all too familiar lake he preferred to dispose his in. The alligators there were practically his friends by now.

The other method, one Toby named chop chop. Or chop for short. His axe skills were utilized, each leg and arm, and of course the head, cut apart limb from limb. This method was recommended when the victim had been attacked from the front. The more raw mushy organs on display, the more likely the wolves would get to the body before a human did. As for the body parts, the proxies had been using barrels full of acid. It was a grueling process, but they were able to bury them in the forest without a long drive to discard of them.

For detective Winston, they had opted to use route two. Chop was quicker. Of course they used chop, wanting to see you as quickly as possible. That’s when it finally hit Toby: Hoodie had slashed his throat. His chest cavity and organs were intact. He was a detective in the force for years. He had a chest tattoo. Thats why the Operator sent Kate. The body had been discovered and identified.

“I know this isn’t the best part of town but it’s all I can afford right now,” You say. Toby snapped out of his thoughts, turning his attention back to you. You had taken his silent pondering as judgment. “I’ve slept in trees before, i’m sure y-your apartment is l-lovel-ly,” Toby told you. You subtly began to walk closer to him, purple neon signs illuminating the rest of the pathway. “It’s not normal I know but i’ve always wanted a tattoo from that shop,” You told him, pointing at ‘Ray’s tattoos’. Toby examined the shop, his eyes scanning over the multiple people getting tatted. He made eye contact with what appeared to be a biker, his gaze returning to you.

“H-how about I go w-with you sometime? I d-don’t have one,” He admitted. You gave him a sheepish smile. “I have one but it’s kinda embarrassing,” You confessed. Toby chuckled, following you into your apartment building. “C-can’t be that bad,” Toby replied. He trailed behind you as you entered the elevator, clicking the button to the fourth floor. “Promise you won’t tell Tim and Brian?” You asked. Toby nodded, preparing himself to see whatever exposure of skin you were going to provide him. Instead you leaned close to him, whispering into his ear, “I have a tramp stamp.”

Toby felt a shiver of ecstasy run down his spine, soaking in the sensation of your hot breath. “O-oh wow,” He blushed. You giggled as the elevator doors opened, walking to your apartment. You stood in front of door 401, turning to Toby. “I really do like you guys you know. Despite their social awkwardness, it’s nice seeing some new faces around here,” You say. Toby could hardly get enough of your praise, his imagination now playing with the idea of your tramp stamp. “T-thank you. We like-e you too,” He said. You gave him a small smile. “I don’t think Brian likes me,” You told him honestly. Toby pretended to play dumb. “Pfft, B-Brian’s just a l-loner. He didn’t like m-me either at first,” He replied. Which, was technically true.

You bit your bottom lip, your eyes flickering to your apartment door. You grabbed your keys, unlocking it. You were about to invite Toby in, the invitation on your lips. Just as you opened your mouth, Nova appeared in front of you. You jumped in surprise. “Nova? Holy shit what are you doing here?” You questioned. You had given Nova your key ages ago for emergencies. There she stood in her pajamas, a file in hand. Toby frowned at the sight of Nova. Why was she there? He wanted time alone with you. Why couldn’t he have you to himself for the night? “I’m sorry I know you were on your date but something new just happened in my case!” She said excitedly. Date? The word date made Toby’s heart flutter. His annoyance of Nova’s presence had temporarily subsided. Her chocolate orbs flickered over to Toby.

“Who’s this?”

You awkwardly turned to Toby. “Oh shit sorry, uh, Toby this is Nova, Nova this is Toby,” You say, introducing the two. Nova stuck out her hand, an apple watch secured on her wrist. “So you’re the hitchhiker,” She mused. Toby could sense her protectiveness of you. “And you’re the detective,” He replied, shaking her hand. The two of them purposefully gave the other a tight squeeze before Nova pulled away. “Alrighty then. Well i’d like to discuss this case with you before dawn,” Nova said, gesturing to the file.

“Of course of course,” You say awkwardly. You turned to Toby. “Here let me give you back your hoodie,” You said. Your fingers began to grab at the hem, Toby’s larger hand stopping you. You hadn’t realized bandages covered a majority of his hands until then. “Keep i-it. I’ll come get it from you late-er,” He told you. You could feel heat dash across your cheeks from his touch. You stood on your tippy toes, planting a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you Toby. I’ll see you soon?”

Toby nodded affirmatively, wishing you a goodnight.

He shoved his hands in his jeans as he walked down the hallway, grinning to himself. You’d be seeing him a lot sooner than you thought.

—> next chapter

[immortalxrose]

𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞 [ʸᵃⁿᵈᵉʳᵉ! ᴼᵐᵉᵍᵃ ˣ ᴼᵐᵉᵍᵃ! ᴹᵃˡᵉ ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ]

summary; Paris Willaims has been stuck in the same world loop for years. 135 to be exact. It's always the same- he's the helpless omega who so desperately needs an alpha to save him. No matter how many times he tries to escape, he's always brought back. That is until you come along.

Warnings; Yandere themes and behaviors

Part one

ɴᴇxᴛ

[M/N] wasn’t all that shocked at the varied stares he received as soon as he walked onto the college campus. It was something he was used to, being as big as he was. He was tall (around 6’3), towering over the average alpha, with forearms and thighs as big as his head, and scars all over his body. His scent was also husky rather than the normal sweet, though he had been told before that it was still pleasant.

While the looks were uncomfortable, they weren’t unwarranted. He’s a giant of a man, the envy of many alphas, and the crush of many omegas. It’d been like that on the base as well. Many of his fellow soldiers (all alphas) refuse to acknowledge his presence due to their own insecurities. Many omegan civilian workers practically fell over themselves trying to get his attention. 

It got worse when he told them he was an omega; the sexist remarks, threats, and derogatory names. Thankfully, he met the required active duty when it started and left without regrets. The only reason he'd joined the army was for the free college anyway.

So yeah, [M/N] wasn't completely surprised by the stares.

He was thankful he'd studied the school's map beforehand; the campus, as beautiful as it was, was also massive. There were about 15 buildings, spread across about 30 acres of land. The courtyard was also insanely large; a few students sat on the lawn doing work or chatting with friends. 

He was early though, and didn’t feel like sitting on the grass, so he had to find something to do. “Now that I think about it, there's a cafe in the back of the library, right?” He muttered to himself. 

Walking around the campus, he could feel the lustful gazes from the omegas, practically eye fucking him shamelessly. It was disgusting and objectifying. The [h/c] male quickened his pace as he walked towards his destination. There were a few stares from alphas, many envious, though a few seemed to have the same ideas as the omegas. 

Thankfully, he made it to the library. After scanning his student ID, he went to the back of the library.

There sat a small cafeteria. Throughout the campus, there were 4 cafeterias. St. Mathias Library held a small cafeteria, mostly serving small snacks, beverages, and a few breakfast items. A few students sat around, sipping drinks or reading a book. Thanks to it being a library, it was silent, just what he wanted.

[M/N] went to the counter to order, purchasing just a small coffee and a sandwich. He didn’t get the chance to eat anything before leaving his dingy little apartment, and he didn’t care about the quality of the food. After all, he’d been in the army for 3 years. You won’t believe just how shit the food on base was. 

“Excuse me!” Someone came up beside him, their scent flowing out of them in waves. Their scent was likely sweet, or maybe a cup of French Vanilla? The [h/c] male turned to the voice and found a male omega with strawberry pink hair and heterochromia eyes, one light blue and the other green. He had a bright smile, cute freckles, and dimples for days. All in all, he was kind of…cute? “Are you a freshman?”

[M/N] blinked. “ Uhh, yeah.” 

The male’s smile widened. “So am I!” He chirped. The pink-haired male leaned closer, really close, and stared into [M/N]’s [e/c] eyes. It was like he was searching for something. Something the [h/c] male couldn’t understand. A silence stretched for what felt like hours before the barista called his name. He finally broke eye contact, allowing the [h/c] male to breathe. “So, what’s your name?” The omega spoke. 

[M/N] watched as the male grabbed a cup of pure black coffee, giving a small smile to the barista. He watched as the barista blushed, quickly racing to her coworker. Once she’d raced off, the omega looked back at him, still awaiting his answer. “[M/N] [L/N]. You?”

The omega smiled. “Paris! Paris Williams.” He took a sip of the drink, reveling in the taste. “What class do you first?”

The barista finally called [M/N]’s name, handing him his order with a smile. He nodded to her as he grabbed it. “English Comp.”

Paris suddenly gasps, grabbing onto [M/N] arm, causing him to spill some of his drink onto the counter. “So do I! With Professor Linden, right?” The [h/c] male nodded hesitantly, watching as the pink-haired male started bouncing on his heels. “I’m so glad I met someone from class! Now I have someone to talk to.”

[M/N] nodded. The way the pink-haired male looked at him was unsettling. Don’t get him wrong, the omega was cute and all, but the way his eyes stared at him was so…

Unnatural.

“Oh, let's go sit over there!” Before he could react, the omega dragged him to a booth seat. Somehow, the other can drag him away, having strength no normal omega should have. Especially considering the other was so much smaller than him (around 5’5). Though, he supposes it’s pretty hypocritical of him to think like that. Once they reached, the booth, the shorter shuffled his way into the plastic, cushioned seats that looked more like knives than a seat. Paris looked up at him with doe eyes as he patted the seat beside him. “Come on, sit!”

Alarm bells were going off inside his head, everything inside him telling him to approach, not to cave in. Yet, [M/N] found himself heeding the omegas call. He took place beside the other, nervously awaiting whatever conversation was to follow.

Paris doesn’t know why he did it. 

He had been trying to avoid bumping into that one pest from his unwanted harem. He had a strong feeling that his attempt would be successful this time; he’d done this exact thing 48 times before, allowing him to memorize their movement patterns and even where they might look. 

And he was successful. That is until he got to the cafe. 

That’s when he saw you. You stood in the front of the line, giving your order to the beta barista behind the counter. You were big, but not in a bad way. Broad shoulders, muscular arms, thighs big enough to crush his head. He could only see the back of your head, he could tell you were beautiful. He moved closer, absolutely mesmerized by just your look alone. 

Standing behind you was heavenly. Your scent wasn’t as vulgar or sweet as anyone he’d met on campus. He’d spent years getting used to and memorizing the scents of every student, no matter how important they were to the game. Yours was…different. Intoxicating.

He was in a trance as he stared at you. He watched as your muscles flexed and your legs bent as you moved forward. The way your hair flowed and moved in the light wind. Everything about you was perfect. 

And then you spoke. You spoke and your voice was like heaven to him. It was husky and hypnotic. He couldn’t even listen to your words. He felt his knees go weak at the sound of your voice. He could listen to it all day, listen to the husky and harsh undertones. His mind wandered to different scenarios, wondering how his name would sound falling from your lips. Fuck, he was getting addicted, and he didn’t even know your name.

You finally moved to the side after ordering. Paris stood at the counter next, quickly ordering a black coffee and paying. He honestly didn’t even pay attention to what he was doing. His body moved automatically towards you, his mouth moving to speak. “Excuse me!” You turn to him and he nearly collapsed. You were stunning. The way your [h/c] hair shaped your face, your hooded [e/c] eyes, even the scar that stretched from the corner of your lip to just underneath your left eye. Everything about you was just…alluring. He smiled at you. “Are you a freshman?”

You blinked, your eyelashes fluttering so beautifully. “Uhh, yeah.” Paris almost cooed at how nervous you sounded.

Your eyes briefly scanned over him, yet his omega thrilled at your attention. ‘Yes, look at me. Look at only me.’  “So am I!” He chirped. Leaning in, he took in your scent. He couldn’t tell if you were an omega or an alpha. Your scent gave nothing away about what you were, but he had a feeling that you weren’t an alpha. Omega then? Your existence in the game challenged everything he thought possible, so he wouldn’t be surprised if you were. The barista called his name for the order. Reluctantly, he looked away from you (though, not before he spotted the scar just under your left eye) and turned to the beta. He smiled tightly as he took his order. “So, what's your name?” He asked, hands now wrapped around the hot cup. Looking back at you, he watched as you stared at him. He wonders what's going through your mind as you look at him. Did you find him attractive? Creepy? 

“[M/N] [L/N]. You?”

[M/N]. What a beautiful name. He wondered how your name would sound falling from his lips as he moaned breathlessly under you. Or how his name would sound as you growled in his ear, tell him how good you feel, or how- 

Jesus, just how perverted is he? What are you turning him into?

“Paris! Paris Willaims.” He took a small sip of the coffee. Honestly, there was a time he never liked such a bitter drink. However, after 48 years, he did not care whether his drink tasted sweet or like absolute dirt. “What class do you have first?”

The barista finally called your name, holding your order with a smile. He didn’t like how your name fell from her lips, your hand brushed across hers as you took the order, or how she squealed once you turned away. “English Comp.”

The pink-haired male gasped. He had that class as well. “So do I!” Maybe the Gods of this game were giving him a break. Finally giving him reprieve. “With Professor Linden, right?” You slowly nodded, causing him to jump in joy. He didn’t even notice he had grabbed onto your hand until then. “I’m so glad I met someone from class! Now I have someone to talk to.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the pest, the annoying alpha who haunted his dreams. The blond was steadily making his way over to the cafe, though it doesn’t seem like he’s taken notice of them. Shit. Paris looked around, hoping for some way to escape this. He did not want to go back to the game. He didn’t want to return to being trapped in the same boring game. Not when you were here.

“Oh, let's go sit over there!” There was an empty booth seat in a corner. He didn’t even give you a moment to reach before dragging you away. He was panicking. There was no way he’d let you slip through his fingers. 

He shifted into the seat, ignoring the feeling of the sharp, broken edges of the leather seats sliding against his thighs. ‘Terrible day to wear shorts, but it's too late to do anything about it now.’ He looked back at you, shuddering at how you stared down at him, your stature towering over him. You blinked at him again. He smiled, hoping his panic didn’t show on his face. “Come on, sit!” You seemed to hesitate, your eyes showing your uncertainty. Yet, it didn’t take you long before you finally sat down. Perfect.

[allaboutsturns]

ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ

nicolas sturniolo x masc!reader

content: fluff, confession, reciprocated feelings, the start of a relationship.

summary: you’ve known the triplets for about three years now and have always had the biggest crush on nick. the way his hair framed his face perfectly, the way his smile lit up every room, it was infatuating. he was perfect but you were afraid he didn’t feel the same way. that all changed on one random rainy night.

think of me

when you’re out, when you’re out there.

you were sat in your apartment, the cool air filling it nipped at your skin. before you met the triplets, you always preferred to have the heater on because of how easily you grew cold, but due to the triplets preferring cold air to constantly be blasting, you grew used to the cold and always had the ac on considering they were almost always over at your apartment or vice versa, you were at their house.

you scrolled through youtube, waiting for a video to peak your interest. the screen of your phone which lay on the armrest of the couch you sat on lit up.

you peeked at the screen with only your eyes, unsure if you wanted to acknowledge to whatever the notification was.

as soon as you saw the contact name, your face lit up with excitement. you quickly grabbed your phone, unlocking it with the face id and opening to text message you had received.

platonic soulmate <3:

hey bae!! out with matt and chris and can’t stop wishing you were here :( <3

your stomach fluttered as it filled with butterflies and your cheeks flushed a light shade of pink, “god the hold you have on me nicolas.” you whispered to yourself.

you:

wish i was with u too!! miss u so much :d

you typed, your fingers quickly sliding across the screen as you spelled out each word. you read over the text message probably five times to make sure it didn’t come across as too clingy, before finally pressing send.

you inhaled deeply, watching as a text bubble with three moving dots appeared, signaling that nick was texting back.

platonic soulmate <3:

we have to hangout soon bitch!!! i’m free tomorrow nightttt and like literally whenever you’re free cuz i’ll always make time for you boo 😘

your phone screen illuminated your face and you smiled brighter than you knew was even possible.

quickly, you began typing back.

you:

i’m free tomorrow night! def gotta hangout 😍

platonic soulmate <3:

perfecttt!! i’ll pick you up tomorrow night then <3

you double tapped the last message he sent and pressed the heart reaction before placing your phone back down and rocking back and forth out of excitement. you couldn’t wait to be reunited with him even though you only just saw him 2 days ago.

-

i think i’ll pace my apartment

a few times.

you nervously paced your apartment, your hands fidgeting with each other as you waited for nick to arrive.

nerves shot through your spine as you continuously checked your phone for the notification that signaled nick had arrived. you had a life360 circle with matt, nick, and chris. it was created mostly because you guys all wanted to stalk each other.

you stopped your pacing in front of the full body mirror that hung on the wall in your living room. you fluffed up your short hair and checked to make sure your outfit was good for probably the tenth time. this was a common occurrence. anytime you had plans with nick, you would constantly check and make sure you looked good. you were always so nervous because nick always looked good and you were desperate for him to be as infatuated with you as you were with him.

after about three minutes of you standing in front of the mirror you heard a ding come from your phone. you immediately lifted the screen to your face to see the life360 notification signaling that nick had just pulled up. you lifted a hand to your mouth and bit at the skin around your thumb nervously as you waited for him to text you, confirming that he had arrived.

finally, after what felt like a lifetime, a message from nick appeared at the top of your screen.

platonic soulmate <3:

i’m hereeee :D

you read the text quickly and ruffled your short hair once more before grabbing your keychain and walking out of the front door to your apartment, locking it behind you.

you walked down the stairs which led to ground level and scanned the parking lot for the oh-so-familiar car.

as soon as you saw it, your stomach swarmed with butterflies and your chest grew tight. you took a deep inhale in before walking towards the car, aiming for the passenger side door.

nick smiled that beautiful smile at you when he saw you approaching and gave you a simple wave. this action alone painted your cheeks a subtle red.

you grabbed the door handle and pulled, opening the door. you reached a foot into the car, your body following closely behind as you sat down into the seat.

“hey!!” nick said, still smiling as he pulled you into a tight hug, “feels like it’s been years since i last saw you,” he groaned as he jutted out his bottom lip, giving you a fake pout and doe eyes.

you laughed and sat back in your seat as he pulled away from the hug, “it’s only been two days you goof!” you said with smile, burying the fact that it did indeed feel like it had been years since you last saw him.

you put your seatbelt on and listened intently as nick began rambling about random shit that had happened over the last two days while he carefully pulled out of the parking lot.

-

i could follow you to the beginning,

just to relive the start.

you and nick always held good conversation. when you two were together, there was never a moment of awkward silence. the only silence that ever filled the space between the two of you was a comfortable one.

throughout the car ride, he randomly brought up various memories from when you guys initially met. it made your heart melt knowing he relived the memories the same way you did. it made your mind wander with restless thoughts, maybe… just maybe he felt the same way. maybe he cherished every moment you spent together the same way you did.

soon, rain started to make contact with the windshield of the car. you always loved the rain, it was comforting and you had found yourself always making the simplest, yet best memories in the rain.

as nick remained focused on the road in front of them, the rain started to pour harder. you couldn’t help but examine his side profile, not taking your eyes off of him. you hoped that he didn’t feel you staring, you prayed he didn’t. you knew it was probably weird, but you couldn’t help it. he was so beautiful.

“oh my god, bae!!” nick said as his eyes lit up with the remembrance of a memory. you quickly looked away from his face and to the road ahead as he glanced over at you for a moment, “hm?!” you hummed excitedly, more than eager to hear about the memory that just took over nicks mind.

nick smiled, a little laugh escaping his lips, “d’you remember that one time that we hung out and pulled into that one parking lot,” immediately you knew what he was going to say. you felt sparks ignite between the two of you but you were unsure if he felt them too.

“and it was pouring rain,” you began, cutting off the start of his sentence.

“and the car broke down,” he continued, cutting off your words right back. you guys did this often, finished each others sentences. it was like you guys were telepathically connected and neither of you minded being cut off by the other. in fact, it made the both of you giggle.

“and we danced in the rain waiting for matt to come get us after the tow truck took the car!?” nick said, his free leg bouncing with excitement. you smiled brightly at him as little snorts escaped your body, “yes of course i remember,” you said through the laughing fit that had just taken over.

nick began laughing just as hard as you did, pulling off of the main road and into a parking lot, the same parking lot you guys found yourselves in that night, the rain still pouring down. he strategically found the exact parking spot that you guys had parked in that night and put the car in park.

he pushed the ‘push to start’ button that activated and deactivated the car and opened his car door, eagerly slamming it shut behind him. you raised a brow as he ran over to your side of the car, opening the door and reaching a hand out to you, “may i have this dance, handsome?” he asked, still laughing as hard as he was three minutes ago.

you giggled and nodded your head quickly, “absolutely, nicolas!” you replied before taking his hand and ducking out of the car and into the pouring rain.

the two of you began to dance, your movements in sync as if you had both known exactly what the other was going to do.

your heart skipped a beat as you held firm eye contact with the boy you cared about so deeply.

this was it. this was the time. the perfect time. you were so nervous but you knew you had to say it. you knew if you let it continue to boil inside your chest that it would soon bubble over and you’d panic and say it all wrong.

-

and maybe then we’d remember,

to slow down,

at all of our favorite parts.

you could feel your heart rate pick up in your chest as you looked longingly into his beautiful blue eyes. your smile faded and your expression changed to one of admiration and pure love.

nicks eyebrows furrowed as he tried to read your changing expression, “what are you thinking?” he asked, removing his hand from your shoulder and moving the stray hair that had fallen into your face away in one gentle motion. you blinked up at him taking in a shaky breath.

“nick..” you said quietly, water dripping from your hair and pooling on your skin. he hummed a gentle response and looked into your eyes even harder, the air between the two of you growing thick. you could tell he got nervous too with how each breath became shaky and quick.

“nick, i’m..” you paused, the words getting caught in your throat. you had to say this perfectly because he deserved to hear it perfectly, “fuck.” you whispered to yourself, looking away and taking a step back from him, letting your hands fall to your sides. you kicked at the ground below you, watching as the water pooled around your feet.

nick placed his hand gently on your cheek, making you look back at him, giving him a small smile. you leaned into his touch subconsciously making him move his thumb back and forth against your cheek, “take your time, love,” he cooed, his eyes softening. you always loved when he called you little pet names like that. you felt your cheeks grow warm as they turned a deep red color.

“you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you and your brothers, but even more so, you,” you started, trying to keep your words on track, careful not to begin rambling, “and.. god. you are so perfect. your smile is infectious, always finding a way to make me smile just the same. your eyes are so gentle, so beautiful. every time i look into them i feel safe.. comfortable,” you continued, your heart racing. you tried reading nicks expression but you couldn’t, and that killed you, “your voice is so soothing and every time i hear it the world around me gets just a tad brighter,” you said, your voice growing shaky, “the way your hair falls perfectly into your face and the way you let me brush it out of the way each time tugs at my heart strings so hard.” you paused, giving him a moment to soak in your words.

“nick,” you started again, “you are so beautiful, handsome, pretty,” your stomach dropped when you saw the tears pooling at his waterline, but you continued, desperate to finally tell him how you felt.

you reached your hands up, resting them on his cheeks, “i am so in love with you. i always have been and i think i always will be,” you pushed the words out. you wished they came out louder, but the blockade in your throat only allowed them to come out as a whisper.

“all i want is you. all i’ve ever wanted is you. i want to be yours.” you said, your voice still quite. tears began to pool at your own waterline but you held eye contact with the boy in front of you, the boy you had come to love.

it was silent for a moment. the two of you were completely soaked but unable to move, your feet rooted into the ground below you.

nick reached a hand up to meet one of yours which rested on his cheek, placing it gently over your hand, leaning into your touch.

“all i want is you, too,” he whispered, shutting his eyes comfortably as he soaked in every moment of this interaction that he could, never wanting to forget it.

your eyes widened as you felt your stiff body finally relax. you bit your bottom lip, longing to kiss him.

there were moments in your friendship that your fingers had accidentally brushed his lips. you knew they were soft and delicate. there were also moments when he’d kiss your forehead or cheek to say goodbye or goodnight. in this moment, you knew you had wanted to kiss him for a long time. you knew you had wanted to be his for a long time.

“can i kiss you?” you asked gently, afraid that if you said it too desperately this whole moment would dissipate in front of you.

nick opened his eyes and looked back into yours, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “yes, please,” he paused, cringing at the fact that he said please. your heart sang a melody to the fact that he said please though. it meant he had felt the same as you for a long time too.

you closed your eyes and moved your body as closely as you could to his, hands still on his cheeks as you gently placed a kiss to his lips.

nick leaned into the kiss, shutting his eyes, signaling his full reciprocation. he moved one hand to your cheek and placed the other against the side of your neck.

the two of you stay like that for a moment, bathing in the moment. after about ten seconds, you pulled away opening your eyes slowly, him doing the same.

“i’m so in love with you, nicolas,” you whispered, pressing your forehead against his and shutting your eyes again.

“i’m equally in love with you,” he said, mirroring your every move.

-

all i wanted was you.

you smiled at the notification that lit up your phone, clicking on it almost immediately. you felt your cheeks grow warm with love.

soulmate <3:

hi love! sleepover at mine tonight? got a movie i think you’d like >:)

you hearted the message and typed two responses, clicking send on each one.

you:

im on my way <3

see you soon baby

your smile grew brighter when you saw the heart reaction appear over each message.

you grabbed you car keys and rushed out the door, eager to see nick. god you loved him so much.

divider by: @/Kafekitsune

HI omg i’m so excited. this is probably my favorite thing i’ve written so far im such a hopeless romantic omfg. i hope u guys enjoy this just as much as i do, im literally obsessed. I NEED TO SEE MORE NICK FICS NOW >:(

- ace <3

taglist: @whoisabbyysblog @mattyblover07 @b2cute @samandcolbyfan22 @h3arts4harry @nickgetsmewetter

[i-am-baechu]

♡ Summary: “Only thing that keeps us apart is a different timezone...” Yoongi loves touring and seeing his fans but he misses Y/N. There was this unsaid thing between them whenever he went on tour but that didn’t mean it was okay for him. He just missed her so damn much.

♡ Pairing: Established relationship; Yoongi x reader 

♡ Rating: Pg-14

♡ Genre: Fluff, romance, angst and a little spice 

The screaming was fading out as Yoongi walked backstage with a wide smile on his face. With each step he took though, the smile faded away. It was a great night in LA and he should feel proud of himself but there was this feeling in his chest. He knew what this feeling was but he ignored it...if you don’t acknowledge it then it won’t become a reality, right? He opened the door and sat on his couch in his dressing room with a blank expression. How can emotions change so fast? He leaned back as his head hit the frame and his eyes were on the white paint. He continued to stare until he heard his phone buzzing on the table. 

He got up and looked down to see the ID. A smile appeared as he accepted the call, “Hey babe. Isn’t it time for your nap?” 

“I should but how could I sleep? I wanted to see my rapper boyfriend kill it at his concert.”

He let out a small chuckle and sat back on the couch with his eyes back on the white paint, “You’ve seen it live. Isn’t that enough? You don’t have to see every concert.” 

“Shut up, yes I do.” 

“What are you doing right now?” 

“I was getting ready to go out with Joon. He wanted to do a hiking trail and I wanted new pictures.” 

He let out a small sigh and rubbed his forehead, “Please be careful. The last time you went you twisted your ankle.” 

“Babe, I’ll be fine. You must be so tired.”

“I feel okay. I'm a little tired but it's better than yesterday.” 

“Oh, Namjoon just came in. Do you want to say hi to him?”

Yoongi let out a small chuckle and got up from the couch with his hand in his pocket, “No, I talk to him all the time. You go have fun, text me when you get there.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“Baby, different time zones. I’m just going to crash when I get to the hotel to be honest.”

“Okay...I miss you so much. I love you.”

“I miss and love you more. I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Love you, bye~.” 

When the line went dead, he kept the phone next to his ear for a few more minutes. He missed her voice and just everything about her. It was really hard, especially on days like this. He put his phone in his pocket and let out a small groan, “Fucking hell.” There was a knock at the door and he didn’t move from his spot, “Come in.” 

The door opened and it was one of his security guards, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah...I am.” 

The ride back to his hotel was silent with the radio playing at a low volume. He was staring outside the window and was watching the stars follow him. He couldn’t help but smile when he remembered his first date with Y/N.

Y/N and Yoongi have been friends for years. They met in highschool and kept in touch when he became a member of Bts. He had a crush on her during school but he never said anything to her because deep inside, he knew she would never like him. She would pinch his cheeks and call him cute, that was a clear sign that he was only a friend. He was busy with music and she was busy with her programming job. It wasn’t the right moment.

It was three years ago when he finally asked her out. It was by accident(ish?). He was leaving his studio to go to the practice room after Hoseok texted him multiple times to hurry up. He entered the room and he was stumped with a loud laugh. He looked around the corner to see Y/N leaning her head against Taehyung as she laughed at what he presumed to be a joke. Y/N was close with all the members and there were some moments that made him mad. When Jungkook would hold her hand at random times, Jin cooking with her, Jimin taking her out to eat, Taehyung making her laugh more than anyone else, Namjoon taking her on hikes and Hoseok teaching her dance moves. They spent so much time with her and that made him happy but boy did it annoy him.

Y/N looked up and waved at him. She got up from the floor and ran up to him with a small smile, “Yoongi, you didn’t text me today.” 

“Sorry, I was working on a song.”

“You're always working...I wanted to go out with you.” 

He raised his eyebrow and glanced at Jimin who was talking to Taehyung. He glanced back at her with a frown, “You always go out with Jimin.”

“I missed you.”

He felt his heart stop and his intrusive thoughts took over in the moment, “If you were my girlfriend then you can just be with me 24/7.” 

Her eyes widened at this and stared at him, “Girl-Girlfriend?”

“Fuck, I said that outloud.” 

“Yoongi, please tell me if that's true.”

He looked away from her longing eyes and sighed, “If it’s true...what would you say?”

“I would say I want you to be my boyfriend.”

Yoongi whipped his head back and it was his turn to look at her with wide eyes, “Wh-What?”

“I want you to be my boyfriend.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Very...”

He grabbed her wrist and waved at the members, “I’ll be back.”

Namjoon raised his eyebrow and put his bottle back on the floor, “Where are you going?”

“Taking my girlfriend on a date.” 

He left the room before he could hear their responses. Y/N was walking behind him with a smile as she intertwined their fingers together as he kept looking forward. They sat at a private part of the park as they looked up to see the stars on full display. She looked at him with a small smile, “How long have you liked me?”

“Since highschool...”

Her eyes widened at this, “Really?” 

He felt his face get hot as he looked away from her, “Yeah.” 

She gently turned her head to have him look at her. She kissed the tip of his nose and let out a small laugh, “Min Yoongi, I've liked you since I met you.” 

Yoongi looked at her and let out a laugh, “So, I was just being an idiot.” 

“We both are.”

He gently cupped her face making her look at him with a nervous glint. He leaned forward and she did the same. Before he put his lips on hers, he opened his eyes to take a final glance. Her eyes closed and her face flushed, it was a sight he will remember. He leaned in to close the distance between them and he finally felt her soft lips. He turned his head and she gladly accepted his tongue. Their tongues fought for what felt like hours and he brought her into his lap. He brought his hands on her ass to bring her more but she leaned away with a red face and lips shining�� away, “How can you be so shameless? We're in public.” 

He rolled his eyes and started kissing her neck as she let out a small moan, “I finally got you. You think I give a fuck what others think.” 

“Yo-Yoongi!” 

He groped her ass to make her grind against him, “Should we go back to my place so I can show you how much I like you.” 

“Yeah, you should. I don’t want someone seeing us.” 

“Okay, let’s go.” 

Yoongi entered his hotel and threw himself on the bed. He stared at the white paint and let a small smile appear, “I’ll see you soon...soon.” 

[unavailableapple]

Excuse me for coming to your askbox, I am not a radfem and don't agree with a lot of it's principles, yet I find radfem spaces are the only place where discussion of nonbinary identity has any nuance. Personally I have no problem with people doing whatever they want with their own bodies/minds/labels but I did struggle to wrap my head around just how many people started IDing as nonbinary during the last few years. Now recently it's been a bit of the opposite, with a noticeable amount of previously out and proud nonbinary people dropping the label. I've heard some people discuss it like it was just "in fashion" for a while, while others insist it's a result of gender experimentation or having to go back in the closet due to the political climate. But it's not just the young, I noticed that includes some of the first nb people I knew, who were nonbinary before 2020, hell, before 2015. I know you had a similar experience, so I just wanted to hear your opinion on this whole phenomenon, why it's happening and why now, and if you expect the trend to continue?

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot and honestly the short answer is: I’m not sure.

The long answer:

I think that these things come in waves. Think about BBL surgery (Brazilian butt-lift surgery). When that surgery was really popular, I’m sure it felt like a very real need to the women who got it. Similarly, my nonbinary identity felt very real to me. But once you apply any amount of pressure to either of these, they start to break. Because really what does it mean to be nonbinary? Why do I NEED to express myself as nonbinary? Why does she NEED to have a large posterior? Eventually you realize, it is misogyny. That’s all it is. And then the whole thing falls apart…Aside from that, even if you don’t acknowledge the misogyny, these things are ultimately superficial and, as such, fall away once one reaches a certain point of adulthood.

I don’t mean adulthood as in becoming an adult human I mean adulthood as in a certain level of struggle that makes fanciful discussions of pronouns seem taxing. Eventually real life catches up and you don’t feel like wasting your precious free time thinking about whether you use they, she, he, or meow pronouns. I think the lasting effects of COVID have meant terrible things for the general public and a lot of people are struggling to pay rent or afford food. I know that what first made me stop caring about pronouns was when I was homeless and thought a lot more about finding a safe place to sleep than making sure everyone calls me he/meow/it pronouns.

Then I think there’s the climate of the trans community right now. When I was younger, there was an idea of, “Being trans is equally hard for males AND females”. But now the dominant narrative seems to be that trans identified males have it a thousand times harder being trans and trans identified females face no oppression at all. I do think this drives more trans identified females out of trans spaces and leads them to find more community with other women. This was the case for several of my friends. Once the trans community told them, “You don’t face any oppression” even though they did (by right of being female), they stopped feeling aligned with a nonbinary identity and suddenly realized they felt more aligned with being female, on the basis of shared experiences.

Finally, it could genuinely just be that it’s falling out of fashion. I’m of an era where I, like a lot of young women my age, was the froggy jumper round glasses meow/it pronoun using boyflux aligned aroace nonbinary person and that was in style. Nowadays kids on TikTok make fun of that and it’s much less “in”. Recently Mitski cut her hair short and people started calling her “theyfab”. For the uninitiated, theyfab is a rude term the trans community uses for a female person who identifies as nonbinary, especially if she doesn’t do anything to express this nonbinary identity beyond cutting her hair. They were not trying to “affirm” Mitski, they were making fun of her for being a gender nonconforming woman, and they were making fun of the women who identify as nonbinary. No matter what, it’s always “in” to make fun of women so if a lot of women are identifying as nonbinary, it’s going to be “in” to make fun of them and it is. On pinterest, Nonbinary identities are already being relegated to “2010s nostalgia” the way moustache tattoos on pointer fingers are “2000s nostalgia”, these things come and go.

So yeah, I ultimately don’t know, and these are only a couple among my many many MANY different theories. But based on my own experience and the experiences of people I know, this is what I’ve been thinking.

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

[jqmalikhsgib]

bloom

eight

yn sits patiently as she waits for wayne to bring eddie back home. yn had been worried about eddie the moment he stormed out of the house. he didn’t acknowledge her or his mother, he simply grabbed his car keys and left.

yn knew he needed time to breath. it wasn’t something he’d could ever prepare for! to see the woman he made him suffer. yn, normally level headed, didn’t know what to do. she waited hours before calling wayne and letting him know what happened.

wayne promised to find him and bring him back home. wayne knew exactly where eddie ran off to. when yn finally sees lights flashing outside her house, she immediately jumped and opened the front door.

she sees both eddie and wayne pull up. she opens her arms for eddie and he immediately hugs her. she sighs in relief knowing he hadn’t been drinking. she’d smell it right away if he had.

“im sorry.” eddie whispers in her ear. yn just shakes her head as she gently holds eddie’s head. she stands in the tip of her toes and kisses him quickly.

“hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. im just glad you’re okay.”

eddie opens the fridge and grabs two water bottles. he hands one to wayne before going over to the couch and sitting down.

“what happened after i left? did june say anything to you?” eddie asked.

“she just left this note. she told me to give it to you. she said she’d like to stop by tomorrow to talk.”

wayne scoffs. “all these years and now she wants to talk?!”

wayne’s usually calm and collected. he rarely yelled, and normally he’s all smiles and laughs. but the two people in his life for years, disappointed him the most. his brother wasn’t always so evil and violent. once their father died, a whole switch flipped. he became a different person. wayne would noticed the a change im june. whenever eric would slightly lift his hand she’d flinch.

wayne tried to reason with his brother but he got nothing in return. when june stated she’d been pregnant, wayne hoped this was the push eric needed to change.

but once eddie was born, june showed up with bruises all over her body. she tried to hide it but small little winces, he knew eric was hitting on her once more.

june came to him and let him know she was officially leaving eric a few years later. ultimately, wayne assumed she’d take his nephew. unfortunately she left the poor boy to be his brothers punching bag.

from that moment wayne did everything he could to get custody of his nephew. unfortunately, without physical proof, it wasn’t much he could do. until finally eric was busted and sent to prison for good! wayne got full custody of eddie, and he never forgave his brother nor his sister-in-law.

“im sorry eddie. i know how much she hurt you. i think you should get some closure though. you should talk to her, baby.”

“baby, i understand you wanna help. it’s gonna take me a while before i talk to her again. i can’t, baby. not right now okay?”

yn nods understandably. she didn’t want to push him. she wanted him to get closure from that chapter of his life. eddie deserves that much.

and if he decides he wants a relationship with his mom, she’d be right beside him.

it’s been a few weeks since eddie’s mom knocked on their door. currently eddie was out of town, preparing for the tour. yn was in the kitchen, cooking lunch for the kids.

she smiles when she hears her son making noises as he plays with the lego spaceship eddie helped him with a few months back.

she hears a knock on the door before she hands her kids their food and opens the door. she frowns slightly when she sees eddie’s mom.

“oh, i wasn’t expecting you. you said you’d call.” yn states.

“im sorry. i just—i waited a few weeks and i didn’t receive anything. i thought id take my chances. is eddie home?”

yn moves out the way and allows her inside.

“he’s out of town at the moment. his band is going on tour soon.”

“oh, i didn’t realize he was a musician. i knew wayne taught him the guitar. just didn’t know he’d actually made a career out of it.”

“yeah! his band, corroded coffin, they’re getting pretty big! eddie’s actually the lead singer. they’re gonna be opening up for metallica.” yn smiles excitedly.

“wow! im proud of him.”

yn and june stand there in awkward silence. yn had no idea what to say to her. on one hand she wasn’t to fond of her. what she did to eddie, leaving the poor boy all alone was wrong, no doubt. she knew what her husband was capable of. she should have known he’d hurt him too.

but as a child who suffered from an abusive parent in the past, before jim took her in and officially adopted her, she understood why she left. if only her mom survived the hands of her biological father. if her mom did the same to her, left her alone with that monster, it would take time, but she’d forgive her. but this was eddie’s journey.

“are you a babysitter?”

yn gets pulled out of her thoughts. “im sorry?”

june points to the kids sitting in the dinning area eating. yn shakes her head.

“um—no, actually they’re your grandkids.” yn rips off the bandaid.

june eyes widened.

“wow! eddie’s a dad? i have grandchildren? how—how many?”

“eddie and i currently have six. one boy and five girls.”

“currently?”

yn giggles nervously. “yeah! at first eddie and i thought six was it. but after we had our twins we talked about it and decided to potentially have a few more. we want a really big family.” yn explained.

“i get it. i remember when jim adopted you, actually. you were the only child, yeah?”

“for a while, yeah! but now i have a little sister and my dad ended up marrying joyce. now i have will and jonathan.”

june hums. they soon get interrupted by the front door. eddie stood, hands in his pockets, glaring at his mom.

“daddy!”

“dad! we miss you.”

eddie ignores his mother before bending down and hugging his children as they run into his arms.

“told you id be back before the sun goes down, didn’t i bug?!” eddie kisses his eldest daughter on the forehead.

“kids, why don’t you go in mama and daddy’s room while the adults talk, yeah? you can watch cartoons in there.”

“but, mama! daddy’s home. we miss him.” lunaria whines.

“luna, i promise you’ll get to have plenty of time with dad later. come on.” yn gathers the kids and walks into their shared bedroom. she turns the tv on whatever cartoon they all agreed on and walked back into the living room.

“…ou have no right barging into my house!”

“eddie, i just want to talk.”

“talk about what?! i read your note, i read the excuse you had for abandoning me, mom! it’s nothing more to say.”

“i want to be apart of your life, eds. i want to be able to see my boy continue living his life the way he wants. and now that i know i have grandchildren, i want to get to know them. please eddie, im not asking for us to jump into a relationship again. im asking to take it one step at a time. i want to be apart of my boys life.”

“you don’t deserve to know my kids! you don’t deserve to know my wife, you don’t deserve to know me! as far as im concerned, wayne is my parent, my only parent! you abandoned me, dad beat me. now im abandoning you and dads in prison where he belongs. don’t come here again, june!” eddie walks into his bedroom.

june holds back tears. yn sighs as she hugs her. “ill talk to him, okay?”

june nods. “would you? i just want to make things right. i screwed up, i know. i don’t deserve a second chance, but i want to be a better mother.”

yn nods understandably. “ill make sure he knows.”

“thank you.”

yn hums as june walks out of their home. eddie walks out right after.

“yn, please don’t let her in next time! i don’t want her around my kids!”

“our kids, eddie! and i still think you should talk to her.”

“you don’t get to but into this, yn! not this.”

“eddie—”

“don’t!” eddie shouts

yn flinched. eddie paused.

he’s never yelled at her like that. eddie backs away before stepping closer to yn. he caresses her cheek gently.

“im sorry. its just—i don’t want them to get hurt like i did, baby. our kids don’t deserve that. what if they start to love her and she disappear again. sure, they’d still have you and i, but that type of abandonment, i never want them to experience that, babe. they deserve better than what we had.”

yn nods understandably. “but what if she stays, ed? don’t you want to at least try? take it day by day?”

eddie hums. “yeah, im just scared.”

yn wraps her arms behind his neck. “ill be right beside you, babe. through it all.”

“promise?”

“swear it for the rest of our lives.” yn kisses him gently.

“daddy, your favorite parts coming on!”

eddie chuckles before the couple heads inside their shared bedroom while their kids lie next to them.

[sl-newsie]

Behind Masks (Dr. Jonathon Crane x OC) Ch. 7: Escape

“What exactly did he put into the water system?” I ask Montoya as she shifts through paper files.

I’m currently waiting in Crane’s former office (that feels so good to hear!) while the detective is looking for my records.

“We’re not sure. Batman’s going to run some tests-”

“Batman?” My head perks up.

“Yes. He’s the one who found out about Crane’s operation. Some say he’s overstepping his boundaries and doing our work for us. Personally I think he’s a concerned citizen who’s trying to help clean out Gotham.”

Could this new vigilante be the answer? For weeks I’ve been waiting for justice to strike. If this Batman character causes the mob to get shaky then surely the rest of the scum in Gotham won’t dare to stand out anymore.

Another 20 minutes of searching goes by and I hear Montoya sigh.

“I’m sorry Dr. Prentiss but there’s complications with some of the paperwork. Your file’s not on record here.”

My mind does a flip-flop. “But that’s good, right? That should mean I’m not an inmate here.”

“Sadly that’s not the case now. A law just passed stating that any prisoner found without proper records is to be kept on lockdown until ID is recognized.”

“B-But I do have an ID! Just call my boss back in Metropolis, please!” I’m starting to shake. Whether it be from nerves or anger is unclear. “I am not insane!”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to remain here for the next week or so.” Montoya says calmly and walks out of the office, locking me inside my twisted psychiatrist’s lair.

That’s it, then. 10 years spent studying psychology and I wind up in a nuthouse as a patient forever.

Time truly is relative, because the clock shows I’ve only been in here for one hour but to me it feels like an entire day. Crane’s chosen decor of past MRI scans and ink blot tests don’t do any help to calm my spasming thoughts. When the sound of jingling keys rings through the air I almost think I’m imagining it.

“Not to fret, Dr. Prentiss,” Baxton taunts smugly and cuffs my limp hands, tugging me up and pushing me down the familiar beige hall. “You can consult your complaints with your new inmate Dr. Crane.”

Sounds peachy-keen.

Baxton stops in front of a cell and unlocks the door to shove me inside. This cell is similar to my old one except it’s more padded and instead of a bed there’s a single chair. One that is occupied by none other than Dr. Jonathan Crane, who’s wrapped tightly in a full body straightjacket. Just as before his eyes are wide and keep staring into an invisible abyss.

“What happened?” I ask the guard.

“The Batman sprayed him with an unknown gas. We think it’s a hallucinogen.”

I know exactly what kind of gas he used. Crane finally got a taste of his own medicine. Literally. Once Baxton walks off I casually strut up and kneel down to be at eye level with the crazed doctor.

“Well well well. Got what’s coming to you, Dr. Crane.”

If there’s any part of him that’s somewhat sane he does little to acknowledge he sees me. “Scarecrow…” He mumbles.

“Oh, excuse me,” I apologize sarcastically. “Scarecrow. How does it feel to have your brain turned inside out?”

“It’s… dark. Very dark…” He whispers, eyes flitting all over my face as if I’m about to attack him.

“Poor Johnny, all tied up. Who’s laughing now, hm?” I rest my chin on my fists and continue to stare as he breaks down further. “How long is the medicine supposed to last? If it was anything like what you gave me then it shouldn’t be but a few hours. Although from what I see here it looks like Batman gave you a stronger dose.”

At the mention of Batman Crane’s eyes get wider and he starts shaking. “Scarecrow…”

There’s no use trying to reach him. I remember back during the first few days of my experiments that it can take days to filter out what’s real and what’s fantasy. If Crane weren’t such an emotionless pain I might actually feel sorry for him.

What to do now… Since Crane’s the one who’s kept me locked in Arkham then maybe I can get some leverage to escape. 

“Knock knock.”

I look up at the new voice and see we have company. A group of 3 inmates has gathered outside our cell and the leader is twirling a familiar set of keys.

“Did Baxton take the evening off?” I peer suggestively at the keys.

“Let’s just say it’s time for our own therapy appointment with Dr. Crane,” the lanky man with the keys says darkly. He’s the very definition of an Arkham patient. Crazed eyes and a shaved head.

Adrenaline surges through me and my reflexes kick on. I step in front of Crane to block him from the inmates’ view. The only thing separating him from being pummeled is me and the cell door- which the inmate leader is now unlocking.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way, toots,” a taller brute says.

Hm. I suppose Crane does deserve a good talking to. Maybe some criticism is just what the doctor ordered-

Thud!

The bigger inmate’s fist collides with Crane’s jaw and he goes limp. This triggers the other two inmates to join in.

Oh no. My first prison riot. 

“Wait- Oh God!” I grab a hold of one’s jumpsuit and try to tear him away. “What are you doing? Stop! You’re hurting him!”

“Since when do you have sympathy for this freak?” The smallest one seethes. “He tested on all of us!”

“You of all people should know he needs to pay for it!” The leader jabs at me. “We heard he’d drug you up every single day. He must be punished!”

“But not like this! This isn’t justice-!”

Bang! Bang!

The sound of a baton lifts my hopes. Baxton’s back! Maybe he finally came to his senses-

“Come on. Let’s go.”

He grabs my ponytail and yanks me into the hallway. I try to pull away but Baxton grabs me from behind and drags me further away.

“But you can’t just-!”

Slap!

A sharp pain stings my cheek from where Baxton slapped me. “Let’s go. Now!”

I’m shoved into an empty cell and he stands in the doorway with a sinister grin.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

My eyes narrow. Where are the other guards? Can’t they see what’s happening? They should call the police! This is against all protocol!  “You can’t ignore a prison riot! This is anarchy!”

Baxton shrugs. “Gotham is anarchy, princess.”

My eyes flash in an angry sneer and I clutch the brute’s shoulders to give his privates a stiff blow. He crumples to the ground and cries out in agony, too stunned in pain to form words.

I lean down and get in his face. “It’s Prentiss!” I hiss.

Quickly I snatch the gun from his holster and rush back towards Crane’s cell. Inside I find the doctor barely conscious and the three inmates glaring down at his beaten face. I hope this works.

Bang!

 I fire a warning shot into the ceiling and everyone jumps to look at me.

“Stand down. Now!” I speak firmly but still maintain the persona of a therapist. “Take a deep breath and go back to your cells.”

The tallest one looks apprehensive but the others simply shrug and stride out. “Our work is done here.”

Yes. Their work has left the fear doctor in rough shape. A black eye is starting to spread onto Dr. Crane’s left eye and there’s a bad cut on his lip. And those are just the visible injuries. Lord knows what they’ve done to his internal organs.

“You’re coming with me.”

I unlock the chair he’s strapped in and wheel him down to his office. With his assistance and a little luck I can find what I’m looking for.

“Where’s the antidote?” I speak directly to him.

There must still be part of his sane self left because his eyes dart to look at a painting of Sigmund Freud. I step closer to feel around the frame’s edge and find a handle. Giving it a firm tug, the picture swings away on a hinge to reveal a hidden cupboard. Inside there’s an arrangement of test tubes and vials, each labeled with Crane’s scribbled writing. How do I know which one to use?

“Crane, which one is it?” I point to the cupboard.

The dazed doctor lifts his head up. The only response I get is a small hum. I guess I just have to pick one and hope for the best.

One vial in the front has the freshest writing, which leads me to believe it’s Crane’s most recent antidote. That’s my best shot. But how is it administered? Batman sprayed Crane with a gas, while I’ve only been injected with serums. Is the antidote supposed to be inhaled or injected?

“Scarecrow!”

Jesus! Crane’s sudden outburst makes me jump. His condition is deteriorating. It’s now or never.

“This is going to hurt,” I explain in a doctor-patient manner as I dig out a syringe from the desk and sterilize it. Now I just need to figure out how to get his arm exposed without Crane going ballistic. He’s starting to shake and break out in a sweat. “Just… try to hold still.”

I pick up a scalpel and slice a hole in the straightjacket. Crane sees this and shakes even harder. I need to be quick. 

“One, two, three.”

“Ah!” 

Crane winces when the needle pricks his pale skin. How long am I supposed to wait? What if there are side effects? Any allergic reactions? My on-a-whim thinking is starting to make me double-guess if this was the best option-

“What happened?”

Crane’s normal voice strangely seems to calm my nerves. I used to shiver at the sound of it but now instead of him being a creep it means he might be back to normal. His eyes aren’t as feral and he’s stopped shaking, looking around the room as if just awakened from a deep sleep. He takes one look at me and then notices the jacket he’s wrapped in.

Crane quirks an eyebrow. “Care to explain, Dr. Prentiss?”

I set the used syringe down and take a deep breath. “Batman sprayed you with a toxin. You’ve been in a deranged state for the past 72 hours. I’m the only one who thought to look for the antidote.”

“Hm. And care to explain why my face feels like I collided with a brick wall?”

Oh. Right.

“Some inmates chose to administer self-justice and nearly snapped you in two. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them in time but I was being detained at the moment.”

Crane nods, still with a peculiar look. “How did you escape your cell?”

“Persuasion.”

“Sexual favors?”

I smirk. “You could say that. I kneed the guard in the crotch and persuaded him to let me escape.” I walk closer and kneel down to look at him with almost taunting eyes. “What was your plan, Crane? Before it all went south?”

The doctor’s brow furrows in confusion. “Gordon was in here asking me the same thing. Why should I tell you?”

“You have nothing to lose.”

“Are you going to knee me in the crotch too?”

I huff. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? No. I’m asking nicely.” Since he’s being resistant to the person who just gave him his sanity back I see no reason to help him anymore. My conscience is clear. “If you’re not worth my time I’m going to leave this God-forsaken place without you.”

Dr. Crane still has the same befuddled look as I stand up to leave. “I’m the one who tortured you. Why come back for me?”

I shake my head and turn to look at him with new-found sincerity. “You didn’t torture me. You helped me grieve.”

Something flashes in Crane’s eyes. Something I’ve never seen before- But in a split second it’s gone again and it’s back to his cold, calculating stare.

“You’re going to escape?”

“Yes.”

Crane tosses his head back and forth, seeming to decide his options. “If you release me I can get you out. Sadly I don’t think the staff is going to let me just waltz out of here after my… episode. Between that and your record of defying corrupted judges we’ll both have to go off the grid.”

“Agreed. I say we make a deal to get each other out. Then as soon as we’re past Arkham’s gates we go our separate ways.” I clap my hands together and walk closer. “Now that you’re your usual twisted self again am I right to assume it’s safe to remove the jacket?”

Screee! Screee!

Ow! A new alarm blares throughout the PA system. I have to cover my ears to block the painful noise. Unfortunately Crane has no use of his limbs.

“Prison break!” I try to yell over the sound. 

I walk back to the doorframe to get a better look outside. Baxton better not be- Oh my God.

“Crane… Arkham’s not that old, right? Please tell me there isn’t a button that releases all inmates at once?”

A few seconds go by and then Crane yells back: “Yes. There is.”

“Uh-huh. Now my next question: how easy is it to access that button?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because someone pressed it.”

It’s complete chaos. A human zoo. Dozens of inmates are sprinting up and down the hall, ranting and raving in every form of insanity possible. From what little I’ve seen so far there’s already been multiple fractures and abrasions. There’s no telling what damage they will do once they get ahold of weapons.

Uh-oh.

A tall man in dark clothing steps towards me. He is no inmate, yet his vicious gaze is enough to earn him a cell here just as much as the others. He pays no attention to me as I step out of his way and he tosses a familiar burlap mask onto Crane’s lap.

“Time to play.”

[double-hoe-seven]

How the AFC Richmond guys proposed Part II

Here’s part two of this because I’m finally back in the mood for this sweet stuff.

Here’s Part I

Jan Maas

Blunt bitch.

Nobody ever said Jan was subtle.

Or if they did, they were lying out their ass.

It wasn’t entirely romantic, but it was entirely Jan.

You were talking about the days you both had while you made dinner together.

“Will you get the olive oil out of the fridge?” You asked him.

“Sure. Will you marry me?” He asked in return.

At first you didn’t process it, you just thanked him for the oil.

You actually poured out what you needed and set the bottle down before it hit you

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

“I asked you to marry me.”

You had exactly zero words as you watched him take the little velvet box out of his pocket and get on one knee. Your brain was buffering.

“What do you say?” He asks with that damn goofy smile on his face.

“I say fuck yes!” You answer excitedly.

Thierry Zoreaux

Thierry knew he wanted to marry you after your first date together

By date number 5, he was already planning the wedding in his head

By date number 10, he was imaging your family and future together.

But he was having a hard time making any of it happen.

He couldn’t seem to find the perfect ring: whenever he found one, he’d always find another that was a little better. It got old and discouraging. It made him feel like he didn’t really know you.

When he did finally find a ring, he ran into trouble planning the thing.

He thought about doing something big, but he didn’t want you to feel pressured. He thought about doing something private, but that wasn’t his style.

What he ended up doing was totally by accident.

He was so used to venting things to you; he vented his frustration about not being able to figure out the right moment.

Thierry didn’t even acknowledge that he’d said it until you’d asked him what he’d said several times.

He kinda just gave a little huff. “I just want to marry you! Why is that so hard?”

“My answer is yes.” You tell him with a cheerful grin.

“Is it? Even if I don’t do some fancy proposal?”

“Obviously!”

Roy Kent

He pulls the romance out of his ass to make sure it’s a nice, memorable night.

He planned a pleasant picnic at Nelson Road the day before a big game against Manchester.

As the sun set and you shared a drink, you noticed he was quieter than usual.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re being quiet...er than you always are.”

He gave you a look for that little joke.

Unfortunately, he used all of his romance points to plan the night for you both and when it came time to actually pop the question, his mind was blank.

“I’ve just been thinking about us a lot.” He says. “What about us?” “Just, you know, that maybe we should get married soon.”

How this man says that so casually is a mystery because you choked on your drink just hearing it.

You actually ask him toHow id co repeat it because surely you misheard?

"I want to fucking marry you.” He says with an almost coy smile as he pulls out a ring that can really only be described as minimalist.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of ring you’d like because you don’t wear them that often, so I thought something more practical would be better.” He explained as he slid it on your finger hesitantly. “I can return it and get something else if you don’t like it though.” “It’s perfect, Roy.” You promise. “I love it, and you.”

Moe Bumbercatch

First of all, he proposed on New Year's Eve.

Everyone was at Nelson Road for a party and fireworks and a good time.

Not wanting you to feel pressured by doing it in front of everyone, he found some excuse for you to come back to the locker room.

He made small talk to calm his nerves so you knew something was up immediately.

This man waited until your back was turned to do it too.

“You know how I want to start the new year?” He asked after a few minutes of gathering his courage. “How’s that, love?” “Engaged to you.”

Your head has never snapped to look at him so fast, but by the time you were looking at him, he was kneeling and holding the ring out.

In his shaking hands, he held a silver ring with a raw, uncut stone on top. He had the most nervous smile on his face when he asked asked the question: “Will you marry me?”

Colin Hughes

How did Colin propose?

Probably/definitely by accident.

He was showering after a game and you were hanging out in the locker room since everyone else had finished and left.

You’d had a date scheduled for after.

He asked you to hand him his shirt and when you did, what should fall out but a little velvet box?

You actually didn’t give much of a second thought as you handed the little box back to him.

“What’s this babe?” “Hm? Oh the ring I’m gonna pro...pose... with... tonight...” He said. His words slowing as his brain caught up with his mouth.

You kind of just stare at each other for a minute after that.

“Whoops.” Is all he says to break the silence before asking: “so... will you marry me?” “Yes, obviously, love.” You beam.

“When I ask at dinner, will you pretend to be surprised? The guys are gonna be there to take pictures of it.” He says with a goofy grin. “They’ll never know you blurted it out.” You promise happily.

Tag Team: @bdffkierenwalker​

[thethistlegirlwrites]

Family Affairs

Sierra Aguirre has been in this holding room for six hours, twenty-four minutes, and fifteen seconds, according to the clock in the cage on the wall.

She should probably get used to it. She messed up, got caught, and she’s not entirely sure what they do to vigilante vampire hunters. She’s never heard of any trial or sentence that goes with that crime. If it even is a crime. The Morris Avengers were a little vague on that front.

It must be, to whoever these people are. And one thing she does know, that the Avengers were very clear on, if you get caught by the 'Men in Black', you don't come back.

Given that the people who apprehended her were wearing black leather jackets like a biker gang and driving a black Pontiac GTO (with a ton of aftermarket mods, and a performance enhanced engine she’d like to get a look at), she’s fairly sure that’s who has her.

When the door lock clicks, she doesn’t acknowledge it. 

“My name is Carmen Stoker.” The name drags Sierra’s eyes up from the scarred metal table. The figure in the doorway is a sturdy, square-shouldered woman with silver-streaked black hair in straggling bun, her clearly once perfectly-pressed crimson suit wrinkled. She doesn’t look like some kind of underworld public defender, but she also doesn’t seem like the polished and poised person Sierra would have expected to hand down her fate.

And that name…

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I very much am not.” The woman sits down in the chair across from Sierra’s. “Almost everything in that book was the truth. But you already know vampires are real.”

“Real, and dangerous.” Sierra snaps. 

“Some are. But what you and other vigilantes are doing is still wrong.”

“I think holding someone without charging them with a crime is also against the law. Or was last time I checked.” Sierra raises an eyebrow. “How do I even know you’re a legitimate branch of law enforcement? No one showed me any ID. Just some badges anyone can make these days.” To be fair, there’s no more validity to an ID. She’s had a fake one since she was fifteen.

“Are you familiar with the Treaty of Blood?” The woman asks. Sierra shakes her head. She feels like it was mentioned somewhere in the whirlwind training sessions, but given she cared more about the correct grip on a stake and how to make a clean takedown with a silver bullet in 30 mile an hour winds, she hadn’t paid much attention to a document they fully intended to disregard anyway. “Agencies like this were established outside human justice systems. We’re not bound by the same technicalities. For good reasons.”

“Reasons that went out the window a few years ago when some agency in LA lost control of a daywalker.”

The woman flinches slightly. That’s right. We all know it was hunter incompetence that brought vampires into the open. You people like to flaunt the ways you’re above the law, can operate outside it, but at the end of the day it didn’t do what you wanted.

Finally the woman nods, as if acknowledging a point she has to concede. “Procedure moves slower than public opinion, but rest assured, as of right now, this agency still has the power to hold you indefinitely at its own discretion as a perpetrator of vampire-related violence.” She slides some papers across the table. “However, we also have the power to pardon any such offense in exchange for cooperation with a larger effort.” 

“So basically, you want me to inform on the vigilantes in exchange for not spending the rest of my life rotting away in a legal loophole. For doing your job, and doing it better than you.” 

“These people don’t care about justice. They don’t care about what’s right. And they don’t care about you.”

Sierra snorts. She knows that. She never was fool enough to believe they did. They just want more warm bodies killing vampires for them. But she wanted to kill vampires. So it didn’t really matter.

“You have a choice, now. Amarillo wants the Morris Avengers. Badly enough to overlook your unsanctioned stakings in favor of the greater good. Help us dismantle them, and you’ll have a chance to start over, doing what you do the right way. For the agency. Refuse, and we can’t in good conscience let you walk away knowing what you do, with the skills you have.”

Amarillo has arrested vigilantes like her before. She was warned about the risk in training. But they’re offering her a deal. She doesn't like something about it. Clearly no one else agreed. Or they didn’t succeed at the attempt. Either way, there's something strange.

“You give this speech to everybody you bring in and hope someone bites?”

“We’ve tried, before. But the others we’ve captured have a near fanatical loyalty to their cause. Or are too afraid to go up against a group that well organized.”

“Why should I be different?”

“Because if you’re anything like your father, you’ve got what it takes. And somewhere inside you, you’ve got his moral compass.”

Sierra laughs, a hollow sound that echoes in the cold room. “News flash, my dad ran away from us when I was ten, and not so much as a postcard for the last decade. And Mom knew enough to know she shouldn’t ask him what he did for a living. So you’re right, but it’s not going to work in your favor.”

“Trust me, this agency has a file an inch thick on that man. But you and I both know he’s not who I’m talking about.” 

Carmen pulls out a faded polaroid and lays it on the table. Sierra recognizes that face. She’s seen it in the photos that were tucked away with the journal in the box in the corner of her mother’s attic.

“This is my brother. Gabriel Stoker.”

For the second time in six months, Sierra’s world comes crashing down around her with six small words.

I staked my first vampire tonight.

This is my brother, Gabriel Stoker.

Sierra knows what the song and dance earlier was about, now. Carmen was trying to convince her to turn on the people she might reasonably have been expected to consider a family. But they’re not family. Family is right in front of her. 

She’s no true believer, not in their cause, not in their view of vampires. But if these are the people Gabe worked for, they’re her best shot at finding out more about him than that journal will tell her. This is the only shot she has at real answers. And maybe the name of the vamp she needs to kill to make things right. 

“What do you want me to do?”

@nade2308 @catwingsathena @the-one-and-only-valkyrie (I lost my taglist for this story so please let me know if you want to be tagged in Compass-related stuff!)

Read this story and more from the Magic & Silver Universe on my WorldAnvil here!

[harukirai]

Wow, I didn't know that about Terra! I'm surprised they were so upfront about that! Maybe her girlfriend was supposed to be Daryl, or they were going to make Locke into a woman who was going to be her girlfriend, kind of like Terra was originally supposed to be a male character. It seems like the idea was reworked for Fang and Vanille's relationship in XIII. (Also Lightning seems like a lesbian.) Thanks for the reply, I'm so pleased!

Also had a similar thought, but for the love of god the only optional/implied- scrapped girlfriend i found is celes(in that one time terra played with the thought of falling in love and flirt with celes only to reject the idea of love) which is with the other guy in the end, im replaying it in english its my next game after finishing 5(which i dont have much of left of).also yeah it feels like the scrapped concept was rewritten into 13! Thats why i was so happy with the inclusion(and yeah i restarted playing 13 in english for the first time and lightning does sound kimda gay, which id preffer than the hope implication that this game have for some reason in jp. Like i love hope, he grew to be a fine man only to be put back into a child in lightning returns which for the love of god i cant stand, let the kid grow, have his relationship with lightning be maternal& non romantic please my personal headcanon is that lightning is a mother figure to hope and hope brings her softer sides, as in what babies, kitten and puppies bring out of pple and for some reason pple really do ship them and im livid. Pretty sure there's no official love interest for claire cause in the toriyama's eyes she is his wife, no man can have her thats why the only pple she is soft for is serah and hope is no threat for Toriyama)

Also im stuck in the sahz vanille segment in the forest when you change weather i hate the bosses idk why but my adult brain is somehow worse in the game then i was before(like dont get me wrong i did get stuck allot but usually in the summon fights or like later game fights idk if the xbox version is bugging on me but im seriously stuck and thats what sparked my replay of the series )

(played it on pc before so idk what i did or is the steam version easier but i wanna get to fang already and im stuck even though i looked at tutorials ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

*also just jumped to xiii-2 to replay that one on english as well(the whole xiii trilogy i experienced back in the day in japanese i think my original version was on ps3, but i lent most of my collection when my first ps3 died so ill get that back only when my cousin will visit next)

So im cringing at some of the differences there too. But on funny note i think its hilarious that vanille and fang had an Australian accent, cause in japanese its okinawan i think and the implication are hilarious. Especially on fang it sounds just 100% like she had a huge lesbian vibe in japanese as well and text wise more so but i cant her va in english did such a great job im in tears like most of the cast sounds good in the first game but the 2nd in english 8s evan whackier than the jp and havent gotten to lightning returns yet but i cant wait to see that one dog scene in english, but yeah sorry for gushing i really love thise games and its hard to find pple who played them let alone acknowledge the gays in the games especially in the western sides of the internet (like besidesa handful of actual queer players who actually got far enough in the games & few dudes who just love vannile and fang cause they are fetishizing the lesbians & ignoring the whole lot of representation the games gave us through the years- which is the problem with subtleity cause like in ffvx it was straight out changed in localization cause oh no the guys will be pissed if manly-man macho m'gee over here is fancying the glasses twink 'god forbid' ತ⁠_⁠ತ)

I just really love those game and dont get me wrong in not looking at it in queer centric goggles all the time or thats all i wanna talk about but when i finally find pple to talk about the games with usually after a while when the subject comes and im gushing about how i love fang & vanille /gladio& ignis or even now with 16's terredion pple outside of the very small queer internet bubble is usually get all pissy about it and bitter(which is shocking to happen now in 2023 but its more centered around the 'im not homophobe but not everything is about that) when dude chill all i was talking about is that hey thats the 3rd gay dragoon in a row. (Ignis is kinda a dragoon too, since his moveset with lance equipped is very similar to Arenea)

But yeah not the point so imagin my surprise actually talking about ffxiii queer reps and suddenly most ofy notes is from xiii focused blogs i was sure long dead/new ones ive never seen before.

[lazaruspiss]

watching batman ninja and taking notes bc idk how to focus <3 spoilers under the cut

batman ninja is a wild movie already but harleys design fucks

smth smth. everyone got sent to generally the same time/location with variation, time can vary by years (selina was sent 2 years before bruce) but probably not decades and id assume location varies to anywhere within a certain range of whatever island in japan that this is on.

nightwing and red hood were teamed up separately from batman before the blast that sent everyone back by the look of it. cute.

i wanna see ivyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy- DEATHSTROKE IS HERE?

ohh ok. time difference was based off of proximity/order that they were sucked in, making batman the last to show. a few minutes become years, everyone else were def much closer in timing but even a few seconds mightve made weeks difference in how far back they were sent.

lords alluded to so far: joker, penguin, ivy, deathstroke, two-face

mz ivy im in love w u

"once my fortress is complete, itll be my time to strike. yeahhh" OLD MAN. BOOMER. he says yeah like an adult actor playing a teen in an anti-drug ad campaign.

the lord intros are so fun actually

i love selinas little puppet, not a fan of bruces general disposition.

ok bruce looks better with the beard. also alfred what the fuck. how. and lmao. alfred. "lets go on a japan trip we get back."

HARLEYYYYY SHES SO CUTE. is this tara. i think its tara. love her.

classic "stop me or save the civilian trick" smh

congrats to bane on bulking up i guess? anyways. wheres the others. im bored of batman. i do love the little chibi batman who forcibly ejects bruce, someone mustve added a fail safe specifically for bruce being dumb and self destructive.

the lip syncing is off, is this a dub?

DICKIE!! anime hair... and dick's anime bf/leader of the ninjas.

"how do we regain the advantage when we have nothing" bruce. bruce. the whole squad is here + a ninja army. girl.

DAMIAN? oh hes still cute.

monkee :) hes so silly

so tims swords are just for decoration then? weirdo. joker gets his ass beat, whatever. tim states the obvious. backstab fest. im bored again.

"joker!! you'll kill yourself!!" "that's the point, lmao"

35 min in, still no red hood. just establishing shots to explain that each lord has the special time sticks.

"i didnt know who i was after i lost my car" could you be anymore pathetic. he isnt even cute pathetic, hes just "id push him into a puddle" pathetic. stop brooding you boring bitch. oh thank god. he acknowledges that he has other people carrying his ass. red hood still hasn't shown up, not even for bruces go team speech.

ACK. THE CUT IN ART. SO PRETTY. ill probably make another post for screenshots.

red hood time. finally. jason the buddhist monk and his joker hunt sidequest. a part of jasons lashing out at harley is framed in a way that makes it look like a sexual assault imo, so it's giving some mixed emotions. like if this turns out to just be some regular farmers this would be a "stranger breaks in and gropes your wife while threatening you" kinda deal. i mean they went ass shot to jason grabbing her and holding her like. ack. like hes holding her like that so he can break her arm but u gotta trust me it looks Bad. not to just narrate the entire scene but its a lot. jason's pissed and scary, the art is very pretty, im sacred and a little. you know. youve seen me post you know how i am.

this movie kinda. i personally think it wouldve looked better in 2d.

"if you knew him like i did" bruce... also mr j and harley are fully amnesiac so jason the effectively traumatize 2 strangers for no reason. jokerquinn gets a happy ending by becoming farmers. "we'll take them back with us-" NO??? THIS IS LITERALLY THEIR HAPPY ENDING?? THIS IS THEIR BEST/ONLY SHOT AND TRUE REHABILITATION BRUCE. BRINGING THEM BACK WOULD BE PURE STUPIDITY AND/OR SELFISHNESS.

jason saying bruce but bruce saying red hood...

whoops. they still remember, so bruce is just a dumb hoe who thought he and joker had something special.

why are there penguins here. like actual penguins. and why does slade have a gf.

red hood has my fav voice acting of the boys tbh, the others sound a bit clunky. and is ivy also tara. she sounds a bit like tt03 raven.

mech battle. slade is still hot. even if he is a cringe old man. HARVEY BUDDHA BOT?

dami should get to keep his monkey friend. as a treat.

THIS ISNT SKYRIM I DONT THINK HORSES CAN RUN LIKE THAT

ok two face is funny. coin said i gotta beat ur ass now. literal "switching on a dime" behavior

hi welcome back to robot wars. fight scenes are really hit or miss for me, i love em or i fall asleep. smth smth. joker moment. clowns doing the heavy lifting. and where is harley getting her hair dye from, or is that a wig?

fun fact! red spider lilies (the flower growing from jokers gas bomb) symbolize death <3

aaaaand we're back to mech battles. voltron assemble or whatever.

dami almost gets squished trying to save monkey

bruce. bruce are you having an autism event or are you being rude on purpose. anyways give the dues ex macina to dami he deserves it more. baby boy can play the flute so good <3

"momi?" "whos she" a monkey friend tim. obviously.

THE MONKEYS ARE HELPING HIM PLAY IM GONNA LOSE IT. thats so unrealistic but its sooooooooo cute.

m. monkey.

damian is having the time of his life fr

damian is no longer having the time of his life

bats. bat monkey. b. batman? how.

fire no match for batman made of monkeys and bats. anime punch.

Nightwing Vs Penguin, Red Hood Vs Deathstroke, Red Robin Vs Two Face, Robin Vs Poison Ivy

damian that was not a joke. A for effort tho.

ok so the amnesia WAS real but smth smth plant magic.

joker that is not what a joke is. you're worse that damian.

4 barrels, who do you think you are deathstroke. the guy who killed the prime minister of japan? HARLEY? harley. this frame gets its own post she straight up licked her. and thats a lot of bare monkey ass. blah blah they blow up robot. "keep your tongue to yourself" blushing rn

batjokes sword fight, im bored again. joker has a boner. who give a shit. bruce bores me in that special way of his. i am once again reminded about why i can only ever pay attention to him when Dick is involved. if someone else doesnt show up soon my eyes are gonna roll back into my head. joker is not funny enough to make this interesting. hes kinda hot tho. is it just me or are the animators losing steam towards the end of this. im. im bored. oh i missed the fans, those were cool, its nice to see them one last time. blah blah kill joker- wait a minu- ok nvm. coward. batjokes should die together an share a grave. in main canon even.

gonna cry over monkichi brb. at least he has monmi. his sister? gf? both?

ok so by the credits i assume this movie was originally in japanese. anyways. after credits. bruce does wayne stuff, selina does catwoman things. pfft. old style batcart dents a strangers car.

harley and ivy were tara strong ofc, and apparently jason and dami shared a VA, i didnt even notice that. so did dick and alfred. and grodd and deathstroke. a lot of double casting.

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image IDs: Series of tweets from Josh Weed (@/ The_Weed) reading: One of the more surprising things I've learned in my years as a marriage and family therapist is that pets are more that just "man's best friend"—most families see them as *actual* members of the family system.

The thing that finally made me see it clearly was grief.

(1)

Time after time I'd be bopping along helping a family (or individual) with transitions or communication or whatever else, and a pet would pass and the work Stopped. Like, full halt, unable to move forward, capital T trauma kind of stop.

The grief was too Real. (2)

I'm not sure why this took me by surprise, but it did a bit. I think I was like most people—we know folks love their animals, and that animals are shown to improve quality of life.

But when pet-grief started to cause major depression episodes, (3)

and when sometimes the death of a pet affected clients just like (in intensity and effect) the loss of primary family members, it finally became clear what should have been obvious all along; our mammalian attachment to our pets Feels like family bond attachments to many of us. (4)

Our doggies and our kitties (etc) actually *are* members of our family.

Not just in a cutesy, fun, meme-worthy way.

In an actual, stability-providing, ventral-vagal-secure, attachment enhancing way that I think we need to do better as at acknowledging as a society. (5)

I have seen pets be absolutely Life-Changing for clients who, for reasons of trauma or neurodivergence, did not have robust social or family networks as they tried to do therapeutic work. (6)

I have seen pets serve as the Only local family some folks have—as the only stable and consistent connections some clients experience in their home-base of nervous system safety.

And clinically? It *actually works*, at least anecdotally in my experience (7)

I've seen clients who feel totally isolated be able to move into a state of stable and secure attachment with a pet—this allows their nervous system to continue exploring broader connections as they shift the internal narrative of their world as one of danger to one of safety(8)

But the grief, again, is the thing that most blew me away.

The way we grieve our pets is identical to how we grieve our closest family ties...

(9)

It debilitates us—the shock of loss.

It upends us.

Successful grieving of a pet is worked through the same way you would grieve anyone close to you: (10)

We grieve a pet by: working through denial; commemoration; building loving symbols/monuments; lots of crying and distress and even anger as we seek acceptance; talking about our loved one/telling stories; tender and gentle rest.

Only, our world doesn't accommodate this (11)

Our world expects pet owners to cry a few sad tears, share a social media post and then rebound right back into life as if what was lost was a stuffy or a family heirloom or a toy—something sad to lose, but replaceable. (12)

We give no latitude for the reality of pet-grief.

We barely even recognize how shocking losing a pet can be—something similar to the shock of losing any other family-attachment we see daily like a parent a sibling or a child—and we rarely give ourselves or others (13)

credit for the realness of the connection, concern for the level of impact of the trauma of loss, or the room and space and validation to properly mourn these significant attachment severances. (14)

It goes without saying that there is likely rarely of ever any bereavement leave for this type of trauma; but what's worse is that there isn't the emotional and social empathy we need when this type of grief pummels us. People don't get it. Often *we* don't quite get it. (15)

So if you are someone who has ever wondered why your heart was so wounded at the loss of an animal, please just know, grief—sometimes at the level of a family member you see daily—is Normal when a pet does, at least from what I have observed clinically. (16)

We really do love these beings that live in our homes. They fill our hearts and they help us feel grounded and attached to the world around us. Grieving them is normal when they go. Real grief. Deep sorrow. Take the time to do so. (17)

It's to the point, clinically, where even in intake, after asking if there are kids in the home, I ask "and are there any animals in your family?

Faces light up when they get to share the names of these beloved beings in their life—when someone cares enough to ask. (18)

And I always write down the names and their ages of these beloved pets, and make special note. Because I know that if one of these members of the family happens to depart during the course of our work, whatever we are doing will have to stop (19)

And we will have to take time—something several sessions, sometimes even more—to process a very real, very tender, very human (on our end) attachment wound at the loss of a connection that is both vivid and life-enhancing. (20)

Because in every way that matters to our mammal bodies:

Pets Are Family: (4 different family emojis; black cat emoji, dog emoji, cat emoji, service dog emoji, guide dog, poodle emoji, pig emoji) (21) /End IDs]

Link to transcript for the Ted Talk

[postmoderntongues]

Eww cops just left my house

I’m very well versed in first amendment law it turns out lol

They were pretty much ready to take me to * for what I said to my therapist which once again I’m sorry but if ur treating the mentally ill u need to be comfortable with them displaying symptoms of mental illness

And they searched my house for weapons I don’t even keep fucking sharps in the house lmfao

Like u can say “I wish/I want/I hope/id be happy if/I fantasize about x”. They only can take you in if you said “I will/im going to” they’ll try to take u in anyway but if u know ur rights they dont fuck with u. Like they don’t want to spend a day in court and ion got nuthin but time to become a real problem

And I’m good at playing “helpless pityable retarded girl” to authority

they checked for a gun and the warrant only said gun so I let them look I’m not doing anything illegal and they’ll favor me and get annoyed at the therapist the more cooperative I was and nothing was found, offered them Christmas cookies and asked if they wanted water which my grandma taught me to do they asked me to come to * I said am I being detained they said yes until I could answer questions I said I can’t speak without my lawyer but wanted to see the warrant and they had no warrant to take me just to look for a gun it was a wellness check so I went over the texts sentence by sentence with the cops and asked “is this sentence illegal or does it literally legally constitute a threat” pulled up like sub-articles on my phone like “I said hope not I will, Bible verses about gods justice (vengeance lmfao) are not a threat and im sure ur not infringing on my freedom of religion as a Christian?” And like kindergarteners went thru why each sentence was not legally grounds to take me into emergency medical custody and that while I genuinely appreciated their rapid and courteous response to a call made in concern of my wellbeing I was doing some writing drinking tea no new injuries no weapons harmless masculinized and therefor desexualized child-woman like they just told me to have a nice day and gave me the suicide hotline number and bounced like 30 mins in total

I’ve talked myself out of the er after getting my stomach pumped for an attempt lol like I know my rights

Like since I was 11 between first showing other people my writing and first acknowledging that there was a possibility of mental illness and normal people didn’t think like me I knew how to not get in trouble right up to the line

She had me on 2 separate zyprexa scripts off label for max amount each for 7 years

And I’m sure in her mind she’s done nothing wrong she’s like 80 for most of her life people like me got lobotomized or institutionalized for life

Like as both a splatterpunk writer and somebody who has been arrested/institutionalized/suspended from school for things I said or things I wrote like a few times in middle school they found violent stories and the English department always had my back in the end but I had to learn what u can and can’t turn in as a horror writer as English homework post columbine so like it was the English teachers who loved me vs the guidance department which wanted me pulled from school and sent to the mentally disturbed * not even the trade school one and wanted me in * which they finally got for few months in I think 11th grade when I actually did catch criminal charges but it happened soon enough after a med change that I just had to spend like a little under a month in * but anyway yeah there was them and then there was the English, German, art, forensics (so biology) and social studies departments my soldiers on the front line keeping me in district school and on the path to college and getting me the minimum punishment like I’ve pretty much never been punished for anything without the person punishing me apologizing and explaining they had to or they’d get punished themselves and thanking me for being so pleasant and not making their jobs harder

Like the first time I got ISS I completed the bonus work packet and was the first student to ever do so in the schools history and learned Latin with the ISS teacher and she gave me chocolate and we talked about The Outsiders and she liked my writing so much that she hung a prose poem in her office and was like one of my fav people in the building and signed my yearbook

I don’t fight or flight or freeze I fawn and I fawn hard and I’m great at it

[dontforgetthedragon]

the thing about mental illnesses like social anxiety (which might be compounded by the autism) is the way that you just lose all reference point for what is and what isnt acceptable social behaviour

because when your brain is always going into overdrive thinking up ways that your actions and words could be interpreted badly, or could hurt or offend other people, you lose all sense of whats just batshit nonsense and whats actually a reasonable concern

and i feel like no-one talks about this??? no-one talks about the self-aware anxious person who conciously fights agaisnt what their anxious brain is telling them and ends up asking what turn out to be really invasive questions or being unintentionally rude and then beating themself up about it for months afterwards because they didnt realise that their brain was RIGHT to try and stop them this time because it just felt like all the other times where their brain was WRONG