#but there are some things about myself i just know i will never be comfortable with and will only continue to hold me back. like my voice

[transmisogyny-explained]

I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share

I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity

this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype

Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao

Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.

You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.

What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.

Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.

Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”

Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:

Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do

Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)

Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?

Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory

Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny

Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it

I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.

As has been said countless times now:

“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.

[bloomzone]

Feeling Overwhelmed? You're Not Alone. Let's Talk About It..

I know we all go through it. You’re balancing school, friends, family, and everything else, and suddenly, it feels like you're carrying the weight of the world. Lately, I've been feeling burned out, overwhelmed, and like everything is piling up at once. With school stress, exams, and the constant pressure to keep up, I sometimes feel like I can’t breathe. It's exhausting, and I'm sure some of you feel the same.

It’s so easy to get stuck in the cycle of trying to do everything perfectly. Every time you think you’ve got it under control, something else comes at you, and you’re back to square one and YES THIS IS ANNOYING!!!. It's like there’s a never-ending list of things to do, and no matter how hard you work, you never seem to catch a break.

And the worst part? The pressure from others. Whether it's friends, classmates, or even family, there's always someone asking you for help. Sometimes I feel like I’m the go-to person for everything—assignments, questions, last-minute requests. And don’t get me wrong, I want to be helpful, but it can get draining. Especially when you're trying to hold it together and just need a little space for yourself

For example:Today I couldn’t catch a break already stressed about exams, and in desperate need of rest. Just as I sat down to breathe, the calls and messages started.

One of my classmates began spamming me with messages, asking about a history and geography exam date that we ALL already knew. Then, another classmate began asking for English assignment answers. She wouldn’t stop. She kept sending, “Hi, hi, hi, hi…” over and over until I caved and responded.When I finally sent her the answers, her response? “Ahh, what would I do without you? You’re a lifesaver!” And while I know she meant it kindly, it felt so heavy I feel guilty. What about MY life? What about my peace?

In that moment, I realized how much I was giving to others and how little I was leaving for myself. I was pouring all my energy into helping everyone else while I was running on empty

And plus I’ve been in those moments when you’ve studied hard for an exam, thought you’re finally catching up, and then suddenly—a change happens. A test gets rescheduled, an assignment gets pushed to the last minute, and it feels like everything you worked for was just... wasted. I get it. And it’s okay to feel frustrated and angry about it. You’re allowed to feel this way. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

But here’s something I’ve been reminding myself lately: I am not responsible for everyone else's stress. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to take a break, and it’s okay to not always have everything figured out. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

Here 5 Tips That Are Helping Me Cope with Stress and Burnout

1. Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy: I’ve learned that it’s okay to say no. If someone’s asking for help, and you’re already feeling stretched thin, it’s okay to tell them, “I can’t right now.” You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you deserve your time and energy as much as anyone else does.

2. Don’t Overload Yourself—Take It One Step at a Time: Break your tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks. Don’t try to do everything at once—focus on one thing at a time. It makes the workload feel less daunting and more achievable. One task, one hour at a time.

3. Rest is Not a Luxury, It’s a Necessity: Sometimes we push ourselves too hard because we think we’ll get behind if we take a break. But if you don’t rest, you’ll burn out. Give yourself permission to step away, even for just 10 minutes. Watch a comforting youTube video, take a walk, or close your eyes. A little time for yourself can give you the energy to come back even stronger.

4. Talk About Your Feelings—Don't Bottle It Up: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t keep it inside. Talk to someone, whether it’s a friendu trust family member, or even just writing in a journal like I do ..Putting your feelings into words can make a huge difference. It clears your mind and helps you see things from a new perspective.

5. Make Time for Self-Care: It’s easy to forget to take care of yourself when everything is going wrong. But self-care isn’t just about face masks and bubble baths (although that helps!). It’s about doing things that recharge you—reading, listening to music, or even just doing nothing. Find what makes you feel lighter and make time for it.

Let’s Take the Pressure Off Ourselves.

I know the world often tells us we have to be constantly productive, constantly moving forward. But the truth is, you don’t have to hustle all the time. It’s okay to slow down, take a breather, and focus on your well-being. The world will still be there when you're ready to take the next step. You are not a machine pookie. You are human, and you deserve peace.We’re not alone in this, even though it sometimes feels like we are. Everyone’s going through something, and sometimes just knowing that you’re not alone in your struggles can make a huge difference.Remember, it’s okay to not have it all together. It’s okay to be tired, to feel burnt out, to not always know what’s next. Life is hard, but you’re still here, still fighting, and that’s something to be proud of. I'm so proud of you

© bloomzone

[itstheval]

Memory of Dreary Days / Siffrin Gets An Earring

A @livesworthlivingau Side Story

It was a lovely autumn day, and Siffrin was miserable.

This wasn't anything new, they'd come to realize. The events of Dormont had changed - and possibly Changed - them, but that was months ago, a little over a year now. No, this frustration was newer, possibly the last few months, but they'd managed to identify it over time.

They watched Mirabelle and Isabeau, in front of them, chatting about what Changes they might want to make in the future. Isabeau had a whole list of ideas, but Mirabelle was being more cautious, as usual. Odile was watching and writing, and Bonbon, they were sitting on Nille's shoulders as both of them added their two coins when they had an idea. Leaving you, Siffrin the Traveler, as an outsider. Again.

It wasn't their fault, you knew it. You were empty inside, and this entire adventure you were on was to fill you. That was something the doctor had mentioned, that you seemed to agree with…You didn't have a past, so they were making you one, because they wanted you to. So why were you being talked over, and around? Why were they treating you like a pet, not someone with their own ideas?

The only thing worse than knowing it was it being known, unfortunately. It seemed like they came to a pause in conversation, and Isabeau looked back as though remembering you existed after so long ignoring you.

"What about you, Sif? Got any ideas for big Changes?"

You could laugh. You could sob. You remembered being as large as the sky, and just as filled with stars. You pictured yourself, star-headed and lightless-skinned.

"I don't think so! That's a Vaugardian thing, isn't it?"

The words were more bitter than you imagined them to be, and the second they left your lips you knew that they were wrong. A second after, you told yourself otherwise. "Words can't be wrong", the doctor had said, "If you mean them. You're trying to express yourself, not win a game." Well, from the way everyone else's faces fell, that was good, because you'd have just lost hard.

"That doesn't mean you can't Change! There's Houses everywhere that will take you in and help you, too."

"Yes," Odile continued. "I've thought of using them myself, during my time here, but I never had time to stay in one place, what with…everything."

"Really, madame? You're so pretty! What would you even change?"

And the conversation was off again…Odile explaining her heritage yet again, too-thick hair and too-wide eyes for ka bue, too-thin eyes and too-thin hair for Vaugarde. You wondered, sometimes, if Ka Buans had thought she was as pretty as Vaugardians do. You wonder, in the moment, if they'd bother talking to you again.

They hadn't.

You'd caught Isabeau looking over at you, with something more thoughtful than pity, but you could see the pity in it. Whatever he had in his mind, it wasn't enough to make him ask about anywhere else, or change the subject. Quietly, you thought about how much nicer it would've been if you'd just gone for a comfortable lie instead.

▬▬▬

It was a rainy, autumnal day, and Siffrin was bored.

It wasn't anyone's fault, everyone knew that was just what happened in Autumn. You found somewhere to stay until the rains ended, or you trudged through the worst mud that you could imagine. Bored or miserable, and to the family the choice was obvious. Siffrin had been…letting themself think of them that way for a while, even without telling them. Their little secret. Maybe not their family, but they were the family, and nobody could blame him for that, right? Watching Mira read to Bonbon, watching Isa and Nille talking about, of all things, carpentry, and Madame writing in those inscrutable books of hers.

You hated it. You hated listening to it, you hated being part of it, and you hated being trapped in it. It was nothing like the loops, you knew, but it was almost worse in its way. Watching everyone else with a role, with something to do, and you off to the side like some pet. You'd already napped yourself dry, and nobody had begrudged you sleeping through breakfast, even if it meant you were likely to stay up well after the candles were out at night. But the rest of your day…

You sighed. Sitting there wasn't going to make you any happier, and you'd already looked at all of the books Mira had brought with her. You'd read through the horror stories until they started showing up in your dreams, when Mirabelle had banned you from reading any more of them because of how you'd been whimpering in your sleep. Isa had tried to defend your right to read, but the looks Odile had given him had made him blush in a peculiar way and stop trying, and that had been the end of it. The less said about the romances, the better. You understood that Vaugarde was an open place, but the things they dreamt up to keep two people from each other felt so cliched, so unreal, so impossible that you couldn't get into them.

So, you laid there, in a bed, in a wooden room, staring at the ceiling until the morning came.

How familiar.

That thought sent a shudder down your spine that you knew everyone noticed, but you got out of bed before any of them could comment on it. No, you were dealing with this. You weren't being dealt with, not this time. You hopped up, and walked over to Odile, who closed her book as you approached.

"What could you be writing down now?" you found it in you to ask. "Vaugardian rainy-day games? I thought you were a master at those." The joking tone managed to reach your voice, you thought, and you were glad for it.

"Oh, I wasn't writing at all. Believe it or not, I'm designing something."

"Designing?" The surprise in your voice was clear.

"Well yes. You have your woodcarving…Or had it, when we were near forested areas enough to find scrapwood. Mirabelle has her writing. I thought I should perhaps try my hands at something creative."

"Oh, can I see?" This was WAY more interesting than laying in bed!

"If you can guess what it is, then yes. It wasn't fair that I didn't get to see your face when my research was revealed, after all." Her smile was coy and knowing, but she did, ultimately, have a point.

"Oh, is it…" You looked around, trying to think of what could be in the room that she could draw inspiration from.

"Clothesmaking? Like Isa plans to?"

"Nice try, young one. But that's your one try for the day." Odile's eyes turned up as she thought about the idea. "Besides, do you think I'd compete with Isabeau? In something he's planned for that long?"

You had to concede the point.

▬▬▬

"Carpentry?"

"Can you imagine me swinging a hammer, Siffrin? I know my limits, and they stop well before there."

▬▬▬

"Bookbinding!" You thought for sure you had her on that one. Something to do with her precious books, and something she could study from Mira's colleciton and her own?

"Sadly, no. But, now that you mention it, maybe I should."

▬▬▬

So the days had passed, until things were clear again. The world was colder now, and you could feel it around your cloak, but everyone was well prepared for it. You'd all gotten your own instructions on what to purchase, and been sent off to pick up supplies, which had taken the whole day between bartering and transporting. Thakfully, without Mira there you managed to get a Savior of Vaugarde Discount, and used the extra coin to pick up a pain au chocolat. Some things, it seemed, were eternal, and this one you didn't mind.

So it was that you returned to the inn, one hand with a canvas bag full of smaller bags, spices and flour and other things for Bonbon, the other letting you munch away happily, but you found yourself pausing outside the door. Something was wrong, you could feel it. You finished your treat quickly, and opened the door with a hand on your dagger. A pre-feeling, something that you couldn't put words to, told you that there was something going on beyond the door

You were right.

But not how you thought.

Instead, the family had been standing around in a half-circle, seemingly waiting for you to get back! You barely had time to rescue the groceries as a Bonbon-shaped missile impacted your legs and held you, Mira following after on the other side and Nille even stepping in to ruffle your hair, as Odile looked on fondly, and Isa…Hid something.

As lovely as the feeling was, your suspicions were raised far too high.

You managed a laugh, and to pull yourself free of the hug after enough time that it had started to loosen, before staring down Isa. Watching his cheeks darken was almost worth he price of admission, even as the others spoke around you. Again.

"I told you he'd notice!"

"You hardly had a better idea, Mirabelle."

"Uh-uh! We shoulda done it at dinner! Make sure he's comf-ta-bul."

"Comfortable, Boniface."

"That's what I said!"

It all flowed around you, as you stepped closer to Isa, and sighed. "I know what bonding earrings are, Isa." You allowed, holding out a hand, making him stutter even worse - and sending a roil of laughter around the room from everyone else.

That wasn't it? Then what was he hiding?"

"You're half right, I'm afraid. This is actually something we'd all been thinking about for a while…The past week just proved how important it was. It's not bonding earrings, but…"

As Odile spoke, Isabeau brought a black jewelry box around, holding it out to you. His words were trembling and small, in the way he always seemed to do only for you. You wished he wouldn't…his big booming voice was always so nice.

"We noticed you don't have any earrings yourself, Sif! And…I mean, you're as Vaugardian as any of us, if you want to be. Not that you should feel like you have to give anything up for us! But! I thought this might…make it easier to remember?"

What…were they saying?

Isabeau opened the box, and instead of one of his black i-earrings like you'd expected, a pair of star-shaped earrings rested inside. They were a light shade, just dark enough to notice around your hair, and obviously handcrafted. The edges were imprecise, the designs weren't symmetrical, and you could feel the love in every angle.

You stared. You didn't know what else to do.

Isa was saying more things, and it sounded like other people were responding, but you lifted up a hand to the box. A shaking hand, you realized when it was halfway there. Trembling, uncertain, but you didn't dare stop now. Not when they'd put so much effort in.

"-know what I was working on, the past few days. It's something of a rush job and it shows, but it's even more Vaugardian to have it made by your family, isn't it?" Odile was speaking.

Made…by your family.

Made by them.

You cried. You wrapped your arms around the giant body of Isabeau and you cried and you sobbed and you bawled and for once in your life, you weren't ashamed of a single sound you made. There wasn't any room for it in your heart. Not with everything else you were feeling.

Everyone else was holding you in moments. You turned, as best you could in the group hug, to include all of them. You knew you were getting tears and snot all over them and you didn't care. They were there. They were your family. They…You were one of them.

In that moment, of all moments, you were loved.

[lovelyshu]

I ONLY TALK TO DOGS BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME — with Minho

001 DESCRIPTION — how minho deals with a crying teenager he cares about

002 TAGS — all platonic, gn reader, use of yn like once, very fluffy, a tiny bit of angst if you squint (reader doesn't trust parents with problems or anyone else tbh + like lots of crying), very self indulgent

003 COMMENTS — what does crying at least once a week in the middle of the night does to a person? It gives them ✨ideas✨. Also this was inspired by my brother even if I never told him much. He was the only person I allowed to see me cry.

004 TAGGING — @hannamoon143 @jisunggy

Minho doesn't remember exactly when did he got so close to you. And to be honest, neither did you.

But now you were someone very important to him, going as far as calling you his little sibling.

And that's also one of the reasons he accepted when you asked to sleep on his house that night.

The other reason being that he knew you weren't feeling so good these days. Even if you tried to hide it, your obvious reactions to which no one seemed to notice or care gave it away.

Well, that didn't mean he was expecting to her crying in the middle of the night.

It was 1:35 am. And Minho had no idea on to why were you still awake. He was still feeling sleepy and tired, but as soon as he heard the sob coming from the other room, his mind put to the side any sleepiness in his body.

Slowly, he walked to your room, standing right outside your door. Minho thought about knocking on it, but you would probably just ignore.

So that's why he just - slowly - opened it, to which made you freeze, trying to pretend to be asleep.

“yn? Are you alright?”

No response.

Sighing, he walked closer to you after closing the door, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Minho knew you had trouble with opening up to other people, even sympathizing with the feeling. Knowing that, he put a hand over your head, patting it softly.

“If there's anything bothering you, I'm more than happy to help you. You don't need to bottle up everything.”

As you stayed in silence, he continued.

“And I can also just listen, if you'd like. I won't tell anyone about this, unless you ask me to.”

The silence continued for a short moment, until he heard you speak, voice cracking slightly. A clear sign you were indeed crying.

“Not even my parents?”

“No. If you don't want them to know, I won't tell them.”

You slowly turned to face him, sitting up. Minho seeing this slowly puts your head on his shoulder, letting you take your time with talking.

“Minho... I'm sorry..”

“What are you sorry for?” - he spoke in such a soft and calm tone that made you get even more emotional than you were.

Trying to find the right words, more tears begun to found their way to your eyes as you tried your best to not let them fall.

“For everything. I'm a failure, I can't do anything right, my parents are alright but it seems like I can never make them proud. The only thing I give them is shame.”

Minho moved you a bit, enough so that you could hide your face on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you.

“Sometimes I just want to disappear.. I always ask myself if anyone would even care if I did...”

Hearing your words made Minho hug you tightly, mumbling in such a low voice that you might've missed if it wasn't for the silence.

“You're not a failure. If anything, you are the most talented and intelligent person I've ever met.”

Minho sighed as he noticed that you were crying even more, knowing those words might mean something way too big for your own heart to bear.

“And you don't even see it. If you ever disappeared, I'd go all around the world to find you.”

Slowly, he laid you down again, but now, laying down as well, still holding you.

After some long minutes, Minho noticed you were drifting off to sleep, which somehow, got him in peace enough to do the same.

Not until he whispered again.

“You're not alone. Don't forget that.”

Was the last thing you heard before closing your eyes, comfortably sleeping while cuddling no one other than Minho himself.

[supremechancellorrex]

Okay, then, it's online space, we can go back and forth forever as it's all public discourse and there's no such thing as trespassing. Please give me examples of Mai saying fascist rhetoric or looking down on other nations racially. Aside from her just existing as a FN character born on the wrong side of the border. "Zuko did x" is actually a good measure when there's a double standard. Funny enough, I've met even people who call Zuko fascist and dislike Zuko's redemption story as it ends up with him as an absolute monarch, who mishandles the Fire Nation colony problem and puts FN citizen interests above Earth Kingdom interest for much of the Promise. The word is hardly stirring in this fandom now. Others have called him an abuser for how controlling he was in the Beach in who Mai could talk to. And they tell me all of that is so apparent. It seems in some opinions Zuko is badly written, despite the feels and "kindness" conclusions.

Also with Sokka and Suki it is not a "false equivalence" because Sokka and Suki were friends and then lovers who meet up again and kissed in the Serpent's Pass after spending days together and that whole spiel about Yue, his first girlfriend. He rebuffs Ty Lee in the Crossroads of Destiny by saying he's "with Suki now". Sokka went into a fit of rage and cried in Day of Black Sun over Suki, yet he didn't think of her missing until Azula mentions it despite it being weeks. Then as soon as they meet up again Sokka tries to smooch her immediately. They are in a relationship, it goes without saying. This is the nature of Avatar. You could complain the relationship between Suki and Sokka is fast, it could also be complained that Sokka forgets about Suki for a long time despite being committed to her. Arguably makes Sokka seem rather callous if one is to ignore this is an episodic kid's show, same with Zuko.

As for your conjecture of "We're supposed to think", that's just your interpretation, a rather absolutist one, but the context, voice acting, body language/smiles and structuring of those scenes, including the quotes I have shared but you're free to watch them yourself, make it unlikely for quite a number of others, myself included. Since you've talked about what you hate, I'll tell you what I dislike in the fandom. Absolutist takes where everyone in the audience is told "We're supposed to" with no evidence provided. This is what Azula stans say, they say "We're supposed to sympathise with Azula", "We're supposed to see that she's an abuse victim child and not judge her at all", despite it just being their interpretation. Mai does not dismiss everything Zuko says, there are many times she tries to understand and comfort him in Book 3, and Zuko's actual reasons for leaving are stated in the show.

Zuko: "Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor... I couldn't drag her into it."

This is a protective measure for her, not "anti-war rhetoric" fears.

I think it's quite clear he didn't think she was going to do anything to him. He expresses no actual fear towards Mai at all. Even when he runs into her in the Boiling Rock, still no fear. It's because Mai and Zuko actually have a level of trust, because Mai has been often supportive of him despite a couple mistakes here and there. The more Zuko and Mai got to know each other in the show, the more time goes the more they ironed out problems like how most relationships work.

I also disagree with your accusations of how I allegedly "misconstrued" your argument when I actually think you misunderstand and misconstrue mine. You don't have to say someone doesn't need to be as bad as Ozai or Azula to be an abuser, although it's rather irrelevant, and I never said Mai's difficulty emoting was a good thing. Just like I would never say Zuko taking out his anger on others is a good thing, if we're talking about the relationship and responsibility. The funny thing is, Mai learns how to emote more and express herself. She even smiles more as the series progresses, she confronts Azula, she chooses Zuko over fear and bitterness. As for 'just "being human" and a teenage girl", think you restructured my sentence there, but regardless I never said Mai was perfect, there are reasons why, and I just don't believe it takes her out the running from having a relationship with Zuko just because they both have baggage or aren't perfect at communicating in every interaction. If you don't think Mai is "nasty", then why would Katara be supposedly justified in punching her in the throat and never liking her? I think the word is actually a good summary of your view of her, since you claim she's an "abuser" and "mean" to everyone, demanding a relationship with Zuko as if this is an entrapment case (despite Zuko clearly wanting the relationship as well and making his own decisions).

Zuko [surprised, happy]: 'Mai! You're okay! They let you out of prison?"

Mai : "My uncle pulled some strings. And it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend."

Zuko: [happy, smiling] "So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?"

Look at Zuko's response, look at the context. Think we can take it that Mai isn't demanding anything here if they both know each other and what each other wants. Zuko is receptacle because he wants to be back with her, and she knows it, which is the context of the dialogue. It feels like you're forcing Mai into an aggressor/abuser role that doesn't fit her character. Mai herself is critiqued in the narrative for suppressing her emotions, and as the narrative continues we see her learn to express them more to the point she not only yells in the Beach but later goes against Azula. But Mai is never an abuser. Whether you appreciate this or not, these are canon scenes. You can argue bad writing, but it doesn't change that the writing is geared to Mai being a certain character, and that is likely not the one you're accusing her of, even with her earlier villain rep that felt rather mild in the narrative ultimately. She didn't even want to chase Katara and Sokka through slurry.

As for Ukano, guy hardly seems like a threat, Mai handled him and everyone easily while holding a toddler. Perhaps Mai didn't think Ukano would achieve much, or join with Azula, who was supposed to be in asylum. Do I think it's bad writing? Sure. Entire New Ozai Society is. Same with how I think Zuko regressing his character arc and getting advice from a genocidal maniac like Ozai is bad. At worst, they're just both muddled about their bad fathers and manipulated at times, Ukano plants doubts in Mai's mind in Smoke and Shadow (that undermine Maiko), Ozai plants doubts in Zuko in the Promise (that consequently undermine Maiko). Not sure how this adds to your Mai is an abuser narrative, Ukano and Ozai are a better fit for the blame by messing with their kids' feelings and relationship.

"I think Katara would get along with Azula/Mai because female solidarity!"

Cool. I think Katara would punch fascists in the throat.

[silcoitus]

Hello! I think I'm doing this right but if not, I'm so sorry:

What do you think Silco would do if he found out, years later/during Act 2, that a fling he had when he was alot younger and dumber, resulted in him having a Son/Gender neutral child living in Piltover?

(how this is discovered can be completely up to you)

Would the angst of them being a Piltovian(?) citizen permanently leave their relationship undefined or would he push away his hatred of Piltover and try and meet them?

Better yet, how would Jinx react to this?

Just a bit of potential angst to spice things up I guess haha.

Thank you!

Thank you for this amazing prompt, anon! It's one of my favorite ones I've ever received! Why does writing angst soothe me? It doesn't make sense.

Summer's Ghost

Masterlist | AO3 link

Rating: Mature

Tags: Silco, original female character, original child character, angst, depression, reference to character death, character study

Word count: 2.7k

Beta reader: @juniper-sunny

Silco receives a curious letter from a Piltie boy claiming to be his son. Spurred by lingering bitterness and unresolved anger, Silco visits Topside for answers and to finally speak his mind to the woman who left him so many years ago.

Dear Mr. Silco,

I'm not exactly sure how even to begin this letter, so I’ll start with the part that is most relevant to you:

I am your son.

I know, I didn't believe it at first either. But if you keep reading, I can tell you how that happened.

My mother was a brilliant woman, born and raised here in Piltover. She was the top of her class and an artist. My grandparents tell me that, in her university days, she had a bit of a rebellious streak. She ran away from home to live in the Undercity. Over the course of a summer there, she met a man. And fell in love.

You probably know more about how the rest of this story goes than me.

After that summer, my mom had a change of heart. She returned home with a new bundle in tow: me. And while she never told me, I assume she left the Undercity in order to raise me here.

But you probably don’t care about all that. You just want to know why I’m writing to you. 

Well, first off: I'm not asking for money. My mom (and grandparents) provided for me and I have a comfortable life here in Piltover. 

I don't want anything from you. Not really. I wrote because… well… My mother died recently. It's actually how I found out about you. My birth was a closely guarded secret and it was only when I was cleaning her stuff out after her death that I learned. She had a box of things from her time with you: a diary, some photographs, a bracelet. I thought you might want them.

I don’t know what your relationship with my mother was like or how it ended, but this seemed like something she would want me to do. If I crossed a line, I’m sorry. 

I've attached her obituary. It has her final resting place. If you want to collect the box, I've left it on her grave. If you haven’t taken it by next week, I’ll assume you want nothing to do with it. And that’s okay, too.

Sincerely,

M.

P.S I also included a photo for proof. You can hold onto it. I already made myself a copy.

When finally Silco lifts his eyes from the letter, it's with slightly parted lips and inward curling eyebrows. Visions of memories long ago flick across his mind’s eye unbidden, released like water from a dam. 

Setting the letter down, he retrieves the other effects in the pneumatic tube. Fingers tremble as they pull out a small photograph. It's worn around the edges and the ink has faded significantly, but the image is unmistakable: it's him in his early twenties, standing next to the woman who left him.

He remembers that summer clearly, the memories vivid and the feelings so strong it could power a Hexgate. He remembers the late nights talking, the sound of her laugh, the way she was always sketching in her notebook. He remembers the first time they kissed, followed quickly by the first time they made love.

Silco’s lips press into a thin line, something bitter bubbling within him. 

He remembers his desperation when he ran through the Lanes, searching for her. He remembers how he couldn’t sleep for days, worried something had happened. That someone had taken her. Or worse. He remembers crying so hard that he could feel it in his teeth, his cheekbones feeling as if someone was pressing their thumbs to them with the aim of crushing them. He remembers drinking.

And drinking.

And drinking.

Drinking to cope.

Drinking to forget.

Drinking to wash down the bitter taste of the knowledge that he had let someone get so close to him so quickly, only for them to rip his heart out and slash it to pieces. And to add insult to injury—

My mother was a brilliant woman, born and raised here in Piltover.

He stares at that word again.

Piltover

Hand shaking violently, he picks up the pneumatic tube and hurls it across the room. It breaks on impact as it hits the office door, glass shards flying through the air.

Of course.

Who else could chew him up and spit him out? Who else but a Piltie? His home—his life—nothing more than a tourist attraction to her, a vacation away from her cushy, privileged life. 

How could he have been so blind?

How could he have been so stupid?

He can feel his heart rate rising, chest heaving as his breathing grows unsteady. Good eye fluttering closed, he puts one hand out, signaling himself to stop.

Slow down.

Breathe.

He takes one long inhale through his nose, holding it for a moment before blowing it out his mouth through pursed lips. When he opens his eyes, his jaw is set, decision made.

He snatches the letter, photo, and newspaper clipping off the desk, shoves them into his coat pocket, and walks out the door.

As far as final resting places go, this certainly is one of the more luxurious ones. Even in death, Topsiders can’t help but preen and self-aggrandize, if not with their bodies, their tombs. Each gravestone seems to be attempting to outdo the next, growing larger and more gaudy in size as Silco walks down the rows of graves. Subconsciously, his nostrils flare and his mouth twitches into a snarl.

When he finds her name among the dead, he’s surprised to see not a tombstone but rather a park bench. Constructed out of blue pearl granite and polished to a brilliant shine, her name, date of birth, and date of death are carved into the back. The soil around the bench looks freshly turned over and the carved letters barely have any dust or dirt accumulated in them. Studying the dates, it would seem M did not lie; she had died two weeks ago. 

And there—sitting on one end of the bench, waiting for him—is the box.

His chin lifts as his mismatched eyes scan his surroundings, looking over his shoulder, his ears alert and listening for any signs of other visitors. Certain no one is nearby or within eavesdropping distance, he turns his attention back to the bench.

He could just take the box and go. There’s no need for him to linger here. But as he stands staring at her name—carved with such finality into that unmoving stone—he can’t bring himself to leave.

And yet, it’s odd, addressing a bench. On his way over, he had envisioned himself spitting on a tombstone with great satisfaction. But now, as he’s faced with something as welcoming as a bench in a beautifully maintained cemetery, he feels stuck. Any anger that had been boiling in his abdomen before has simmered down, upended by the unexpected appearance of his former lover’s grave.

Reaching into his pocket, he retrieves the photograph. After propping it up on the bench, he addresses the woman who lies six feet underground. 

“You…” He can’t even bring himself to say her name, both hands balled into fists in his coat pockets. “You’ve been here this entire time.”

Both eyes roll as he realizes the error of his statement.

“Not here, but in Piltover.” He brings one hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, good eye squeezed shut. “I searched for you for weeks. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I thought someone had taken you. I thought you had—”

Died.

Well.

It’s accurate now, isn’t it?

“Typical Topsider,” he spits out, one hand gesturing as if throwing something away, like the way she had thrown him away, “You come to my home, promising a bright and brilliant future, but all you do is leave destruction in your wake.”

He steps back, pulls his head back, and spits onto the freshly dug soil.

“Disgusting,” he snarls. “And to think, I had lov—”

He pauses, unable to finish the word.

He was young. He was ignorant. That was not love he felt for her. Nor adoration. That was infatuation; merely a young man’s naive idea of what love was.

What that was—it was Not Love.

Silco pulls his fingers through his hair, collecting himself.

“Why?” His hand curls into a fist again. His tone is bitter, full of anger, growing in volume. “I don’t care why you left; I know exactly why you left.” 

As he continues to speak, his concerns about being overheard are overcome by the thundering emotions swelling inside him, churning and bubbling after years of dormancy. “You didn’t want your son to grow up to be a street urchin like his sumprat father. No… all I want to know is…”

His next words are bellowed out, the sound coming from deep within his lungs, each word punctuated with a pregnant pause, as if he means to put his entire body into every syllable.

“Why. Didn’t. You. Tell. Me?”

There’s a flurry of wings as nearby birds take flight, spooked by the sudden noise. 

Silco’s good eye flutters closed again and he takes long, deep breaths, recentering himself. His hand comes up, forefinger pressing to his sternum. There’s a desperation to his voice now, a yearning. Mourning something he didn’t even know he had until a few hours ago.

“I had a right to know.” He opens his good eye, staring at the photograph. Staring at her. “He is my son. He is my blood. How could you have kept him from me for so many years?”

He gathers himself, eyes casting to the ground. 

He had so much more he wanted to say. Years of anguish, torment. But now that he’s here, he’s forgotten them all.

He feels empty.

Finally, he slumps down on the bench, next to the box. It remains untouched beside him. He sits with his shoulders sagging forward, both elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together as his head hangs low. 

It’s quiet in the cemetery.

He turns his face toward the photograph, addressing the woman in it with a whisper of a voice. “All I wanted was for you to be okay. For you to live a good life.”  He lifts his head toward the great, open sky of the City of Progress, free from smoke and fissure gasses and ash. “And I suppose I got what I wanted.”

He hangs his head once more, speaking to the ground at his feet.

“You just did it without me.”

A stiff breeze blows through, tugging at his coat. He makes no move to bundle himself up further, letting the chill air surround him, seeping into his bones.

He sits.

And remembers.

After a few moments, he hears movement. Ears prickling and head whipping up, he spots a boy walking between some nearby tombstones. He looks to be a teenager, fifteen—maybe sixteen—years of age. The boy pauses at one of the graves, looking at it silently, his hands shoved into his pockets. After a moment, his eyes lift and meet Silco’s.

Silco meets his gaze, unblinking. The boy doesn’t seem at all fazed by Silco’s corrupted eye, giving him a small, polite nod. Silco nods in return before tearing his eyes away.

Ocean green and volcanic orange eyes pause on the small wooden box on the bench. 

Mahogany. Expertly crafted. Like the bench, it’s beautiful in its simplicity. Unbidden, Silco’s throat bobs as he reaches for the box and gingerly places it on his lap.

After taking a deep breath, he lifts the lid.

The first thing he sees is a bracelet. Black in color and made of thin strips of leather with small circular charms along the strings, it’s plain and modest. The surface of the leather looks almost brittle, worn around its edges from frequent use.

Underneath, there’s a stack of photos. Lifting them, he recognizes the first as one he had taken. The late woman stands laughing beside The Last Drop’s jukebox, Felicia grinning widely next to her. Vander can be seen in the corner, caught mid-sentence as he speaks with whom Silco can only assume is Benzo. Setting down that photo, Silco’s eyebrows lift when he sees the next one.

He doesn’t remember this photo being taken at all, which is curious given the fact he’s the one and only subject of the photo. Silco—sporting long hair tied back in a low bun—sits at the bar, pouring over his notebook. His right arm is wrapped in strips of off-white fabric and in his hand is a pencil, which hovers over the page, posed to write. 

Silco remembers this night.

It was the night Felicia told him and Vander she was pregnant with Violet. It was the night everything changed.

Funny, how the night he learns of one pregnancy happens to also be the night his lover leaves him because of hers.

He hums, continuing to study the photograph.

He had forgotten what he looked like at that age, so used to seeing his marred reflection in the mirror. So used to covering half of his face with foundation just to regain some semblance of normalcy.

Silco’s about to look through the rest of the box when he sees movement out of his periphery. Quickly, he shuts the box and looks up to see the boy from before, standing in front of him.

“Sorry,” he says, voice quiet. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t,” Silco replies simply. His good eyebrow lifts in silent question.

“Is it okay if…” The boy gestures to the empty spot on the bench. 

Silco stands, hand offering the seat, the box neatly tucked under his arm.

“Oh, you didn’t have to leave,” the boy says, scooting over to leave some room. “I just wanted to sit for a little bit.”

Silco eyes him for a moment, then, against his better judgement, sits back down. The mahogany box feels heavy in his lap. The boy’s eyes look at it briefly before looking out into the rest of the cemetery.

The pair sit in silence, the only sound the rustle of the leaves as the wind rushes through the nearby trees. Silco’s hand covers the box, fingers idly smoothing over the carving of a rose on the lid.

He doesn’t know why he does it, compelled by a nagging curiosity, but Silco breaks the silence.

“Do you have family here?”

The boy nods. “My grandpa.”

Silco hums.

Silence falls between them again.

“Do you?” the boy asks, eyes lifting to meet Silco’s.

Silco’s lips press together, the tip of his chipped tooth catching the inside of his mouth a little.

“In a sense.”

The boy sighs. “At least it’s a pretty nice view.”

Silco follows his gaze.

“It is.”

“Well, except for that.” 

The boy points to a large tombstone made of porcelain with gold accents all along its edges. Every inch of it seems to be covered in some sort of design, painted in blue. But the patterns come across as less elegant and more like visual noise; the eye given nowhere to rest, the senses overwhelmed by all the complicated shapes and textures.

Laughing, the boy makes a retching noise. “It’s so ugly.”

Silco’s lips pull into a smirk, head tilting.

“There’s no accounting for taste.”

“Yup.”

The boy abruptly gets to his feet, seemingly satisfied. Turning to Silco, he puts his hand out in offering.

“I’m Marlow, by the way.”

“Marlow.” Silco takes his hand and shakes it. “Nice to meet you.”

The boy nods, seemingly out of words. After offering a small smile, he turns on his heel, heading for the gates.

Silco continues to sit on the bench, thumb rubbing absentmindedly on the box’s carvings. After a moment, his eyes widen and he reaches into his coat pocket for the letter, eyes darting down to the bottom.

M.

He looks up to find the boy has disappeared. He lets a short chuckle out of his nose as he shakes his head, rising to his feet.

After one final look at his ex-lover’s grave, he starts his trek back home.

He has a feeling this won’t be the last time he visits this cemetery.

And it won’t be the last he’s seen of that boy.

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[aventurineswife]

Hello!! I saw your requests were open and was wondering if I could requests how the brothers would react to and treat an MC with chronic illnesses that cause them to need mobility aids like a cane, rollator and wheelchair to get around depending on how they feel (I mostly have to use a rollator and it's a pretty pink) but it also causes them to have dizzy spells really easily so they may have to randomly sit while out and about, leaves them with very little energy most days but they push through cause that's life but there's some days where the chronic fatigue and chronic pain keeps them bed ridden (and thus unable to attend RAD). I've been struggling for a year myself and I just really am turning to my boys for comfort. Even if you can't get to this or don't feel you can write for this I really appreciate just reading it! I'm excited to read more from you truly! Hope you have a good day!

“Rest Easy, Love, We've Got You”

Tags: Obey Me Brothers x Reader [Lucifer. x Reader, Mammon x Reader, Leviathan x Reader, Satan x Reader, Asmodeus x Reader, Beelzebub x Reader, Belphegor x Reader], Chronic Illness Representation, Disability Awareness, Mobility Aids, Fluff & Comfort, Slice of Life, Caregiving Dynamics, Emotional Support, Empathy.

Warnings: Contains themes of chronic illness, fatigue, and pain, Depictions of caring/supportive relationships, Mentions of mobility aids, Focus on emotional comfort and well-being.

A/N: First of all, thank you so much for your request! I really hope this piece brings you some comfort and makes you feel supported. I know that living with chronic illness can be really tough, but please remember that you’re strong, and you deserve all the care, love, and support in the world. I’m sending you so much warmth, and I truly hope you get well soon and take care of yourself! 🫂💖✨ Thank you again for sharing your request, and I’m wishing you nothing but health and happiness! 💖

Lucifer was never one to show his emotions easily, but seeing you struggle with something so beyond your control weighed heavily on him. His stoic demeanor often concealed the concern that lurked beneath.

When he first noticed you using a rollator, he didn't flinch. But the moment he saw the one you picked out, he couldn’t help but offer a small smile—a rare sight for the others, as if approving your choice.

"Let me know if you need assistance, MC." he'd offer, his voice calm and gentle. "You shouldn't feel the need to push yourself too hard." His eyes softened when you mentioned feeling dizzy or fatigued, a far cry from his usual commanding tone. He'd always make sure to walk beside you when you were out, offering his arm for support or using his influence to make sure no one bumped into you.

If you had to miss RAD for the day, he'd send you a tray of your favorite food, made with care. He'd also stop by with paperwork, though the way he would look at you was soft with understanding, as if telling you that his pride in you never wavered, even if you couldn't be there today.

"I don’t mind handling things here. Rest as you need."

Mammon, while initially unsure how to react to your condition, soon became your most fervent protector. He had a big heart, even if it was wrapped up in layers of greed and bravado. When you first mentioned you had a mobility aid, he was quick to say, "Oi, if anyone tries to mess with ya, you tell 'em I’ll handle it!"

He wasn’t always the most graceful about it, but his intentions were always pure. If he saw you sitting down because you were too dizzy, he'd immediately rush to your side, wrapping an arm around you to steady you.

"Ya don’t need to push yerself, ya know? Ye’re gonna hurt yourself!" he’d say, not fully understanding what it meant to push through chronic pain, but he’d do everything in his power to help.

He would try to pamper you on days you had to stay in bed, coming in with snacks, blankets, and random trinkets that he thought might cheer you up. "Ya deserve all the best stuff, so don’t feel bad about it!" he’d grumble, sitting by your side, even if he wasn’t the most delicate at times.

Leviathan was the type to do a lot of thinking and worrying in silence, so it took him some time to come to terms with how to best support you. His first instinct was to ask you if you needed help, but his anxiety often made him second-guess himself. He was nervous about saying the wrong thing, so he focused on actions rather than words.

One day, you were struggling to get from one place to another, and before you could even say a word, Levi appeared with your rollator, offering it to you with a shy but earnest smile. "I-I saw you needed this... I thought maybe this would make it easier...?" he’d say, voice awkward but full of sincerity. "Y-you don’t need to go anywhere by yourself! I can help... I can even carry your stuff if you want!"

His heart would ache every time you mentioned a day when the fatigue hit you hardest, and when you stayed in bed, he’d be there with games, movies, and all the comfort items he could think of. He'd worry about you endlessly, but it came from a place of deep care.

"Please, MC, take it easy... You don't have to do everything." he’d say, hoping you knew you could rely on him for anything you needed.

Satan was one of the few who could immediately grasp the depth of what you were going through. With his intelligence and empathy, he had no trouble understanding chronic pain and illness, as he had dealt with his own inner turmoil for years. When you talked about your mobility aids and dizziness, he listened intently and asked all the right questions to understand how he could be of help.

"Your well-being comes first." he’d remind you, offering his support without hesitation. If you were feeling fatigued, he wouldn’t insist on anything. Instead, he’d suggest the most calming ways to spend the day together, whether it was reading or simply relaxing by your side.

If you had to miss RAD, he'd make sure to bring something comforting—be it a book, tea, or a quiet space to rest. He was always gentle in his approach, never pushing you to do anything you weren’t comfortable with.

"I don’t mind handling things in your stead. Take care of yourself, MC." he’d say softly, his gaze full of respect.

Asmodeus was quick to fall into a protective role when it came to you. He absolutely adored your pink rollator, often calling it "fabulously cute" and making sure it was always in the best condition. He had a tendency to fuss over you, but it came from a place of deep love and care.

"Sweetie, you must be more careful! I can’t have you looking so tired all the time, can I?" He would go overboard on pampering you with lavish gifts, massages, and all the luxury his power could provide. His eyes would soften every time you told him how much energy it took just to get through the day, and his heart would ache for you on the days you were bedridden.

"You deserve nothing but the best, darling." he'd say, fluffing your pillows and pampering you with as much comfort as possible. He’d always remind you that he was there to help with anything—whether you needed someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, or just someone to make you smile.

Beelzebub’s approach was simple: he just wanted you to feel as comfortable as possible. He was incredibly perceptive when it came to your needs, and if he noticed you were struggling, he'd make sure to do whatever it took to help. He was quiet, but there was a deep tenderness to his actions.

If you needed to sit down because of dizziness, Beel would sit beside you without a word, making sure you had a safe space. He'd always keep an eye on your health, ensuring you had everything you needed, whether it was food, comfort, or just some time to rest.

He was also the type to sneak in with snacks or meals when you were bedridden, always making sure you were well-fed and comfortable. If you couldn’t attend RAD, he wouldn’t push you, simply reassuring you that he’d handle things and give you all the space you needed.

"Don’t worry about anything. Just rest." he’d say quietly, always the gentle giant, putting your needs above his own.

Belphegor, ever the laid-back one, wasn’t always the first to jump into action, but he was incredibly in tune with your emotions. He knew what it was like to struggle with energy, and while he’d never outwardly admit it, he had a quiet, empathetic understanding of your chronic fatigue.

On days when you couldn’t get out of bed, he’d quietly slip in, laying beside you, offering his warmth and presence as a comfort. If you needed a cane or rollator, he’d be there to grab it without question, lazily moving about the house to ensure you weren’t uncomfortable.

"Don’t worry. Take a nap," he’d whisper with a sleepy grin. "I’ll make sure the others don’t bother you."

Belphegor might not have been as vocal about his concern as some of the others, but his gentle actions showed his love and dedication. He’d take care of everything else while you rested, making sure you had one less thing to worry about.

[salbei-141]

Late night doubts (Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x Reader)

Masterlist

word count: 1.1k

warnings: 18+, violence, death, organised crime, cartel, military, guilt, shame, fluff, etc.

a/n: rare update incoming. i am alive, surprise, surprise!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Soap were led side by side on his bed - you did this every now and again, seeking comfort in each other's warmth and words; sometimes it was just silent between you both with some music lulling the both of you in the background - sometimes all you needed was the comfort of knowing someone was there.

Tonight was one of those nights where soft music was playing, echoing around you both - you didn't pay much heed to it though, it was just there to fill the void in the room. Your mind had been going haywire recently, your last mission had you questioning your position in not only Taskforce 141 but in the military in general. You were the team's lookout, consistently above them somewhere - sniper following your team's movements, and the targets. You had failed before - sometimes obstructions occurred, that was apart of the job, you weren't able to save everybody all the time - you learn to accept it.

The most recent mission involved the taskforce entering a private compound that was ran by cartel members in South America. Like usual, you were perched up in your own little manmade hideout - surrounded by whatever greenery you could cover with. The team were ordered to enter the compound, retrieve the necessary data, and exit the compound. It was specified to be a quiet in and out job with zero distractions, and zero noise. It had been going well, you had been following your team - watching as they passed by windows until they left your sights for good, and then took watch over the guards around the compound. You were gaining an idea on their patterns for where each guard patrolled - ready to assist the team from high ground when they inevitably had to exit. However, it was one of those missions...things just didn't go to plan, and you didn't know if you'd ever get over it.

"Soap?" you needed to voice your thoughts to someone before you drove yourself mad in the coming days.

"Yeah?" you felt as he moved beside you to look directly at you, but you kept your eyes trained on his ceiling.

"You ever regret this? Like the job, y'know?" You could feel the regret instantly invade every nerve in your body - you should've just stayed silent.

"Aye, sometimes. Why love?" you were surprised by his answer - you were expecting some sort of disappointment from him for ever doubting your position in serving your country.

"Just the last mission...I-" you let out a sigh, not quite knowing how to talk about this, while simultaneously not wanting to talk about this at all, "it's just that the last mission - I've never been put in that position before, never trained on how to make a call like that."

"It's the military y/n - you can only be trained for so much before you're thrown into the unknown, and we both know it happens more often than not. You made the right call though.", you fell into silence, mulling over what he had said.

Unknowingly, tears had gathered in your eyes, and you felt as it trailed down your cheeks, hot against your skin. As you made quick movements to wipe them away, Soap turned to look at you, caught off guard by your sudden movements.

"Y/N?" You didn't turn to face him.

His hand slowly came up to the side of your face and he turned your head gently to face him. His heart felt constrained within his chest at your reddened eyes that were trying so hard to hold back tears that you had been bottling up since the mission.

"I don't know how to live with myself anymore Soap," you sounded so weak - he'd never heard you sound so small and unsure about the future.

He pulled you into his chest tightly; if he was being honest with himself there wasn't much he could say to comfort you. He had been tortured and looked death itself in the eyes, but never had he had to make a call like the one you had.

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face into his chest. You felt yourself start to crumble more within his hold until you fully let yourself sob. You couldn't remember the last time you had cried like this, and you'd hoped you wouldn't have to again.

Nothing was said in the time Soap held you close to him - he hadn't moved in 40 minutes, just held you close while he ran his hands up and down your back and occasionally brushed his fingers through your hair as you sobbed into him.

Your crying had turned into soft sniffles. Your mind still felt muddled, unsure of where to go from here.

"Love?", he sounded so soft as he spoke in your ear - he cared for you like no one else.

You lifted your head slightly to look at him and whispered - your throat feeling tender, "Johnny".

He gently smiled at you and placed a small kiss on your forehead, "What if you took leave? Take time to think about what you want".

You looked at him confused, your life revolved around the military and as much as you were questioning your position within it, the thought of taking time off was foreign to you.

"I don't think I could handle being alone Johnny", truth be told you'd rather be deployed on another mission immediately than spend time alone with yourself. You haven't been alone for years - the military was like family to you - there was always someone around, be it Gaz, Price, Ghost, or most commonly Soap.

He caressed your face softly, "I won't leave you lass, we can both take leave".

"No Johnny. They need us...they ne-"

"They don't need us y/n. Price will make sure we get it off, come on...you need it - let me look after you..." he looked at you desperately, begging with his eyes for you to agree.

You stared and slowly nodded. "You promise you won't leave me?", it was a silly question, but you couldn't bare the thought of being alone any time soon.

He smiled down at you and spoke softly, "I promise to never leave you - I don't think I could anyway", your cheeks flushed lightly - his eyes stared at you with adoration.

You tried to muster a small smile for him. Johnny placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, pulling you against him again, "I'll speak with Price in the mornin' love, go to sleep, aye?".

You nodded silently against him and allowed yourself to close your eyes, exhausted and in need of sleep. He was like your safety net - nothing could hurt you as long as Johnny was nearby.

Soap watched as your face relaxed and your eyes shut as your breathing started to even out. He pulled you impossibly closer and felt you nuzzle into him as he ran his fingers through your hair until the both of you eventually fell into a deep sleep.

[mla0]

you know i've always liked entity patrick interpretations, but what if it was a red herring or something? hear me out. canonically speaking, as far as i'm aware (from the forum posts we recently gained access back to) it's confirmed that michael and patrick are a DID system. now if you know anything about DID, there's the concept of pseudomemories, which are most present in fictives i think? but it's not exclusive to them. terms like these don't have one, perfect little definition you can simply find, but the best way i know how to describe them is as memories that didn't actually, literally happen, but still often carry emotional significance for the person who has them. they can be allegorical too, representing something that's too hard to remember in a more easy to digest way. but keep in mind i'm not a doctor or some shit, so don't take what i've heard as gospel just because i myself have DID. i just hope this gives context to my little idea

anyways. what if patrick's memories of being from a time before michael, all the entity-esque stuff he thinks he knows about himself, are actually pseudomemories? he thinks he's an entity because that's what he remembers, he has some non-human abilities like teleportation (though i think that's all we ever see), and i think deep down he's always seen himself as an outsider. it's his way of coping with the fact that he's been so hard to accept into the family, it's his way of rationalizing it and making it easier. of course he's othered, he IS an other. of course he doesn't feel like he fits in, he was never MADE to fit in. it's his way of keeping distance between himself and michael, and him and shaun, even when both start to accept him and see him as another sibling. like i said- it can make things easier to digest

but the truth underneath it all is, both michael and patrick are capable of these nonhuman-y abilities, michael just doesn't know how to use them. patrick has always been a part of the family, he just refuses to accept it because he doesn't want to feel vulnerable, doesn't want to open himself up when he fears being shut down yet again. habit and patrick DO "go way back," but that's because the andersen's reiterate; it's still always been michael, shaun, and himself since the beginning. and patrick keeps getting holes in his memory. losing time, losing key details that would make it obvious to him. things about himself that he doesn't understand. and michael doesn't have the heart to tell him, because it's a sort of coping mechanism. i think that only when everyone around him finally accepts him as he is, doesn't treat him like an outsider anymore for a prolonged period of time so he starts to feel more comfortable- that's when patrick finally comes to terms with it, and accepts it

so yeah. the ultimate combining of interpretations

[i2rizz]

Sunset promises

Fandom: Blue lock

Characters: Kunigami x reader

------------‐---------------------------------------

The sun dipped low on the horizon, casting long shadows and bathing the park in hues of orange and gold. It was quiet except for the occasional rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze. Kunigami Rensuke walked beside you, his towering frame a reassuring presence. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie, his stride steady but tense.

You couldn’t help but notice how distracted he seemed today. Normally, Kunigami was calm and composed, the kind of guy whose presence could ground you in an instant. But now, his auburn eyes were distant, and his jaw was clenched just a little too tight.

“Kunigami,” you said, breaking the comfortable silence. “You’ve been unusually quiet. Is something on your mind?”

His gaze flicked to you briefly, and he chuckled under his breath. “You can tell, huh?”

“Of course I can tell,” you replied, nudging his arm playfully. “What’s up?”

He slowed his pace, letting out a deep sigh before stopping entirely. You turned to face him, a mix of curiosity and concern swirling in your chest.

“It’s… nothing bad,” he said after a moment, his voice steady but quieter than usual. He looked past you, toward the horizon where the sun was beginning to set. “Just… been thinking about some things.”

You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. “Like what? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Kunigami’s lips twitched into a small smile. “Yeah, I know.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, suddenly looking a little self-conscious. “Let’s keep walking.”

You followed him toward the park’s lookout point, where a wooden railing overlooked the city below. The view was breathtaking—buildings bathed in golden light, the streets alive with the hum of people going about their evening. But your focus was entirely on Kunigami, who leaned against the railing, his gaze fixed on the horizon.

“It’s beautiful,” you said softly, leaning beside him.

“Yeah,” he murmured. His voice was distant again, like he was lost in his thoughts.

You placed a hand on his arm, grounding him. “Rensuke. What’s going on?”

He turned to you fully, his auburn eyes locking onto yours. The intensity of his gaze took you by surprise, and for a moment, it felt like the rest of the world had faded away.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about the future,” he began, his voice steady but tinged with vulnerability. “About what I want. Who I want to be. And… who I want to be with.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and your heart started pounding in your chest.

“You’ve always been there for me,” he continued, his tone softening. “Even when things got tough, when I doubted myself, when I felt like I wasn’t enough… you never gave up on me. You believed in me when I couldn’t even believe in myself.”

“Rensuke…” you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion.

He reached out, his warm hand enveloping yours. “I don’t say it enough, but you mean everything to me. And I don’t want to keep taking that for granted. I want you to know how much you matter. How much I care about you.”

Tears welled in your eyes, and you blinked them back, a soft smile breaking across your face. “You’re everything to me too, Rensuke. I hope you know that.”

His cheeks flushed slightly, and he let out a nervous laugh. “You have no idea how long I’ve been trying to find the right words to tell you this. I’m not great with words, but…” He stepped closer, his free hand gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. “I love you. And I want you by my side. Not just now, but… always.”

The sincerity in his voice made your heart ache in the best way. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest as his strong arms encircled you.

“I love you too,” you murmured, your voice muffled against him. “More than anything.”

Kunigami rested his chin atop your head, holding you like you were the most precious thing in the world. As the sun dipped below the horizon, the sky fading into shades of pink and purple, you felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

“I promise,” he said softly, his voice a low rumble in your ear. “I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. To give you the life you deserve.”

“You already make me happy, Rensuke,” you replied, pulling back just enough to look up at him. “You always have.”

He smiled—a genuine, heart-melting smile that made you feel like the luckiest person alive. As the first stars began to twinkle in the sky, Kunigami leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead.

In that moment, surrounded by the quiet beauty of the evening and the warmth of his embrace, you knew without a doubt that this was where you were meant to be—by his side, now and always.

------------‐---------------------------------------

This is beautiful.. (i definitely didn't imagine my friend who is unhealthily obsessed w him be the y/n in this one shot🫢)

[ghouljams]

Hi, Ghoul. Apologies for kinda venting (?) on your asks, and please ignore this if you'd like, but how does one cope with the idea (and, quite possibly, reality) of being alone for the rest of their life?

I've never been the most confident individual in my years of being alive. I'm not conventionally attractive, and I've been battling with my perception of self for like, basically my entire life. Never really had romantic relationships, other than unrequited and secret crushes. At first, I thought to myself that I could deal with being alone and unloved in that way, but I figured as I grew older that maybe I'm just trying to be tough about it. I want to have the kind of love that other people have, envious as I may sound. I want to be able to look at myself and think, "wow, despite my flaws, someone still took the risk to get to know me and chose to stay."

Of course, this is not to say that the love my tight-knit circle of friends and family aren't adequate. I'm just curious. And hopeful that someday I get to have that other kind of love.

That said, I really love your works and I am privileged to be able to read them :)) it's always such a delight to see your rambles and reblogs in my dash. <3 Hope everything is going well for you.

Hello my love. You already know I'm going to suggest therapy so I'm going to get that out of the way early.

Here's the meat of it. There are thousands upon millions of people who feel exactly the same way you do and I truly believe this is because of the way western society has structured its media/propaganda. So much of the media we consume is loaded with this idea that romantic love is this totally different thing that will complete your life and show you how worthy you are if only you can find it.

This is a load of horse shit.

One of the unhappiest times of my life was spent in my first relationship. I actually had a harder time loving myself because I was scrambling to prove I was worth being loved by a person who liked me in theory but in practice frequently flaked on dates and didn't care about my emotional wellbeing.

I say all of that because I had your same attitude of "despite my flaws they're choosing to stay with me" and ultimately she left me. Over text. It was a whole thing.

So many of you talk about being "old" and "destined to be alone" and you're like 25. Hell even if you're 50, people find love at any age, but the only way to find anyone good is to be comfortable with the fact that romantic love isn't the end all be all of love. You can fall in love with anyone, that doesn't make it a good relationship. It just means you're in love.

Also what do you mean "someone took the risk?" Are you a serial killer? Do you set fire to police cars? You sell meth? What risk do you pose to anyone? You're sad and have low self esteem. So what? That makes you a risky prospect? Your flaws of *checks notes* talking down about yourself is such a huge hurdle that it's a grave danger to anyone that wants to date you?

And I'm sorry I feel like I'm getting sort of mean but you got me in older sibling mode with this and so you're getting big sister shit.

I just- like if you truly believe that you are such a burden to date then you aren't going to get what you want out of a relationship. You'll become obsessed with the first person that reciprocates your affections and it will spiral into something that hurts you. I am speaking from experience.

My dear, i am a stranger on the internet, and I love you. This world is cruel towards tender hearts and disappointment hides in every corner, but we keep loving the world and the people in it anyway. Love finds us when we least expect it, and if you truly want that sort of love it will come to you.

But I need you to be kinder to yourself. I know you said you struggle with self image. Stop measuring yourself against other people. Stop setting up goal posts for your life. Stop thinking your flaws make you some undateable ghoul. They make you, you, and whoever you date will love you for them not in spite of them.

[starlight-archer]

1k fic request for @megs-bee Catwin, cute autumn vibes!

Felt very wholesome about this one, I hope you like it! ✨

Edwin hadn't been back to the cannery in a few days and he was starting to get distracted by his want to return. He had mostly been occupied with case work, with Charles, Crystal and Niko, but in his downtime (far and few between as those moments were) his thoughts had, without fail, constantly drifted to Thomas.

Their relationship was still relatively new, and some things felt tentative. They hadn't kissed on the mouth yet; thus far, their kisses had been relegated to the cheek or the forehead. They had a lot left to learn about each other, but Edwin found himself looking forward to those things. The good and the bad. He was utterly captivated.

Thomas was complex and fascinating. He carried himself with such confidence and was so assured in who he was as an individual, and so open about his desires. But there were depths to him that Edwin was eager to explore. It was refreshing. It inspired Edwin to be a bit more comfortable in his own skin as well, and to allow another person to truly see him.

"Edwin... Edwin? Edwin!" Charles' voice cut through his thoughts. "You're daydreaming again, mate. Where did you go?" he had a knowing look on his face that Edwin did not particularly care for.

"I apologise for being distracted. What was it that you were saying?" Edwin asked, hoping to change the subject.

"You were daydreaming about the Cat King again~" Niko teased.

"I-" Edwin cut himself off with a sigh of resignation. "Yes. I haven't seen him in several days and I... miss him."

"You should go and visit him. I'm sure he misses you too!" Niko encouraged.

"Let's be real, he probably misses him every time he he has to blink." Crystal chimed.

The fact that the Cat King was enamoured with Edwin was hardly a secret. Crystal and Niko hadn't hesitated to tell Edwin all about their conversation with him before they went to confront Esther (they had not shied away from teasing about the Cat King's line of "I already hate myself enough for caring about that thin, stuffy little British tease.")

"There is no need for such dramatics... But I do believe that it would be beneficial to perhaps take some time to see him." as soon as the words were out, he knew exactly how all three of them were internally making fun of his phrasing.

Without further ado, he smoothed down his coat, tugged his gloves up and checked his hair one final time before hopping through the mirror to Port Townsend.

He had never really been one to preen or be overly conscious of his appearance, especially as a ghost with no reflection, but he found himself wanting to look nice for Thomas. It was odd. Maybe he should feel conflicted about it, but all he felt was giddy.

When he got through to the other side Thomas was nowhere to be seen.

"Thomas?" he called out, walking further into the cannery to peer around.

Suddenly, there was a thud and a clatter from somewhere deeper inside. "Edwin?" Thomas poked his head out from a doorway at the back of the warehouse. "Give me a minute, gorgeous!" he winked before disappearing back inside.

Edwin blushed and wondered closer, curiously. The clattering continued for a long moment and just before he was about to push the door open and peek inside, Thomas flung it open.

He was wearing a dark green knit jumper, amber jewellery that brought out his eyes, a long monochromatic tartan skirt and his usual boots. He looked incredibly cozy and unspeakably beautiful.

Edwin flushed again at being caught snooping, but he quickly recovered.

"What on earth was all that racket?" he asked.

"You're actually here at the perfect time! I just finished redecorating~" Thomas replied.

"Redecorating?" Edwin tried to peer around him, but Thomas simply stepped aside to let him into the room.

"I've been working on a little pocket dimension, so that it feels a bit more homey in here for when you visit. I usually keep the pocket closed, but it's nicer like this, don't you think?" Thomas was looking very please with himself (if not with a little tinge of nervousness), and for good reason.

Edwin looked around in awe at what Thomas had done.

On the other side of the door was a large living room, all greens and warm oranges, purples and gold. It had hardwood floors that creaked familiarly with each step, with luxurious Turkish carpets placed art fully on top. The walls were papered with a beautiful William Morris print.

There were two sofas that looked as though you could disappear into them, coloured a rich, dark green, and a matching arm chair, each decorated with plush cushions. There were several large, thick blanket throws hanging over the backs of the sofas as well, in varying colours.

In front was a roaring fireplace, where the mantle was decorated with little porcelain cat figurines. There were also a few standing lamps dotted around that looked like slightly fancier versions of the ones that were at the office in London.

At the far end was a wall to wall set of bookshelves. Each wooden panel and edge was delicately hand-craved with vines and lilies. It was a feast for the eyes.

The whole place was so beautifully reminiscent of the time when Edwin had been alive, and yet it felt brand new, mixed with Thomas' unique flare of individuality. It was a perfect blend of the both of them. Elegant, extravagant, timeless.

Edwin ran his fingertips over the book spines and over the ridges of the carvings,and it struck him with Fascination and bewliderment.

"How?" he asked, spinning around to look at Thomas.

"You can feel everything in this room. The same as if you were still alive." Thomas explained as he walked closer. "I made it with my own magic, so there's a little bit of me in everything." He took Edwin's hands in his and pulled his gloves off, tucking them into Edwin's coat pockets. "Enjoy it."

"I assure you, I fully intend to." Edwin smiled.

Rather than going back to the shelves or the books or the sofas, or the warmth of the fire, Edwin reached up and threaded his fingers into Thomas' hair, and pulled him close. Leaning down, Edwin kissed him softly and lovingly, the gesture eagerly returned.

[soleillunne]

Tag Game!!

I thought it'd be fun to make a tag game for everyone, so here's my version!!

alongside this picrew, and 2 pictures you think describes you, answer some questions about yourself.

What’s something you’re really passionate about, and how did you discover it?

What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend or free time?

What’s a piece of advice or a quote that has stuck with you over the years?

What’s your go-to comfort food or drink when you’re feeling down? (Bonus points if you can give a recipe)

What’s the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given or received

Bonus: What’s a random fun fact about yourself that most people don’t know?

i'll go first

I'm Alyssa!

What’s something you’re really passionate about, and how did you discover it?

Mythology! I've been super into mythology in general since I was in middle school, and i can just talk about it for hours. I first discovered it when my friend forced me to read Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson series, and it spiraled from there.

What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend or free time?

Most of the time I have to take extra classes during weekends, but other than that I read whenever I can! Be it a physical copy, a pdf or even fanfiction I spend most of my time reading. But when I can find some time for myself I either write or make bracelets. Sometimes I work on my ocs' lore with my friend, so it really depends on how busy I am at that moment.

What’s a piece of advice or a quote that has stuck with you over the years?

My mom once told me "If someone isn't willing to value you or your efforts, don't waste your time on them. Don't give your all to people who won't do the same." And while it sounds mean at first, it's actually helped me over the years.

What’s your go-to comfort food or drink when you’re feeling down? (Bonus points if you can give a recipe)

Sütlaç has been one of my top comfort foods for years now. It's a Turkish dessert made with rice, milk and sugar (and cinnamon, honey or nuts if i'm feeling fancy) Though sometimes i make cookies instead!

What’s the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given or received?

I made over 300 paper stars in a sitting for my friend, each star representing a day i'd have known her on her birthday. I chose paper stars because they meant a lot to her. I also got her a (plastic) rose because she told me she thought she'd never get flowers from anyone.

Bonus: What’s a random fun fact about yourself that most people don’t know?

I used to be afraid of dogs when I was younger. The reason was because my granddad had a little dog that loved running around. Whenever we went to visit my grandparents the little thing would chase me around the garden until one of us dropped because of exhaustion. I think this was my first childhood trauma.

Tagging (no pressure!) : @romaritimeharbor , @kopivie , @ruruumin , @strxnged , @femivi +

@mlkbwunnies , @aureusveill , @milk-violet , @camvrin , @strryskys + anyone who would like to join!

[paintthetownblack]

Another Night

Eric x reader

Part I ; Part II ; Part III

A goofier take on sharing a coffin with Eric, and some revelations that pull the plot along.

-

Pam refused any and all words from Eric beyond that point, and took her diamond quilted pink coffin, first I had seen it, into the former dungeon, carrying it like a sulking toddler all the way across the main room, to get as far away from me as possible. She saw me as a kind of liability, I couldn't argue with her.

Eric pretended not to care about her silent protest, "if you were really serious about it, you'd go to ground out in the woods." He told her.

"I would, if it weren't already light out." She responded, before slamming the basement door. I can't understand how she manged it. And just before she did, Eric got in one last line "It shouldn't stop you." He certainly didn't mean that. I had only been there three months, as a mere employee, and two days as Eric's human, but I already knew he would rather meet the sun himself than let Pam do it.

Annoyed with his progeny, he took me into the "coffin room". There, like a pile of unused chairs, stood stacked in a corner, a couple of standard coffins. "Who do those belong to?"

"They belonged to vampires who were with us, through the decades. Obviously, they are no longer. Come." I had been so distracted by the idea of ghost vampires eyeing me from behind those coffins, that I missed the double coffin with its red lining peaking out from the edges of the lid. "You're not claustrophobic, are you?" He said, as a way of lightening the mood.

"A bit late to ask me that." Luckily, I wasn't really.

He opened the lid, the lining glowed from inside like a pool of blood. I didn't know why, but I felt suddenly hesitant to sleep next to him. It sounded in my mind more intimate than sex. I knew he was weakened by the sunlight outside, and I was somehow afraid to be next to him, when I felt he was vulnerable. I must have internalized Pam's attitude. But he took my hand and helped me inside, and in feeling his touch, I got a reprieve from my thoughts. For a second there, it was all warm and fuzzy inside my brain.

He let the lid close, and we were in darkness. Eric was completely motionless, as I struggled to find a position. I laid on my back, but my neck bothered me, so I turned to my side, to face away from him, and coming up so close to the fabric lined wooden plank made me claustrophobic, I flipped to my back again, still not comfortable, so I turned to face Eric. "Wanna swap?" I whispered, fully aware of the absurdity of the situation.

"No." I just knew he was smiling, even though I couldn't see him.

"Fine." I fluffed my pillow a bit, barely keeping myself from laughing, as the absurdity increased, and then I settled down somewhat. I bent one knee and nudged him. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, just go to sleep."

"Can I try something?"

"Can you try it quietly?"

I put my arm across him, and leaned by head on his shoulder, that was the neck support I was looking for. He didn't make a sound, or a gesture, which I took to mean he didn't mind me, so I could drift off.

I woke up at some point, during the late afternoon, Eric was still asleep, and I tried not to stir too much, as I pushed the lid ajar and snuck a peak outside. I threw one leg out over the edge, braced my weight against the ground with one hand, and slid out, rolling onto the floor. I would have made a lesser commotion, getting out the normal way. The normal way of getting out of a coffin, the kind of thing I never thought I'd contemplate. Most people only went into coffins, with assistance, of course, and never came back out. There was a rebirth metaphor somewhere in that, and I felt inclined to contemplate it, as I went outside.

The sunset was just a sliver of orange glow on the far horizon now, the warmth of the day still fresh and radiating from the asphalt around me. I could almost hear the distance between myself and the rest of the world, knowing it was just me and the two vampires inside, for miles in each direction.

The door opened behind me, it didn't startle me, it was Eric, his shirt open, his hair messy. "How are you-" I had started.

"The sun is low enough, I'll be fine." He said inspecting the sky, appearing not entirely convinced it was safe for him, but not finding any resistance.

There was Eric Northman, standing against this flame blue and orange sunset, with his guard down, not even stopping to fix his hair, it was like a moment suspended outside of time and space. It should have been impossible.

It comes at a cost. Was the line that echoed through my mind, out of nowhere. Catastrophic thinking. Always ran in the family. I tried to soothe it away, but it had taken over, and spoiled the warm halo descending around the building. Before long, it was pitch black. We hadn't said a word for a long time.

I went towards Eric, he was watching me intently. I stopped about a foot in front of him, and saw his eyes change, like he had just made peace with something, settled into an abstract idea. I outstretched my hands, and he grasped them. "Let's go for a drive." I said. He didn't hesitate, he popped inside, into his office, to get the car keys. When he re-emerged, his shirt was done up neatly, and his hair was smoothed down, he had stopped by a mirror, evidently. But he tossed the keys my way, which surprised me, though I caught them.

I was driving, that was a level of agency above what I expected. We got into his Corvette and did as teenagers do, when they want for privacy, we drove out to a makeout point near Bon Temps, a plateau on the edge of the woods, overlooking the town. There were no other cars, and I was starting to feel the embarrassment, for having driven there. Eric, on the other hand, was having quite the time, fluttering his eyelashes in the passenger seat "Did you bring me here to seduce me?"

"I brought you here, because the view is pretty. But not as pretty as you." Playing into the joke, I felt more at ease.

"Stop. You're making me blush." He had resumed his smoldering gaze and serious tone. "You are beautiful. I don't think I told you that before. For that, I am sorry." I was taken aback by that. We had lost all levity in a few words, but they were lovely words I didn't think I'd hear. And I liked hearing them. I didn't miss the levity.

"You are beautiful." I meant it, but I didn't know if he would believe. "Eric." I held his eyes, his big blue eyes, there was so much emotion in them, when he let them show it, but he often blocked it out, with his unapproachable smug act.

"Anything?" He raised his eyebrows.

"No, nothing." He seemed almost disappointed. And then he leaned over to kiss the top of my head.

The stars shone through the windshield and bathed us in a hazy glow. The windshield was dusty as well, and it added to the mood. There hadn't been a cloud in the sky all summer. That was a consolatory thought, for some reason.

I unhooked my seatbelt and moved over, up on Eric's lap. I pushed aside the hair on my neck, and leaned towards him. His fangs popped out. I held his shoulders, I could feel the muscle striations under my fingertips, it was anchoring. He bit me, holding the back of my head with a kind of care that said volumes. My whole body was aching for him, I felt my pulse reach down between my legs. What was it about my bloodline that made being bitten by a vampire seem so erotic? If that was even to blame.

Eric let go, and pulled my head down to his shoulder. I let the intensity wash over me. And I listened. There obviously was no heartbeat to listen to, there was mine, and it was rapid. However, next to it, I was hearing another rhythm, slower, less even, not a heart, a sea, with waves lapping at the shore. I could smell it, and I could see it. It was clear and cold, and the eyes through which I was seeing were low to the ground and moving sporadically across the beach, they seemed to be the eyes of a child.

I lifted my head, some of my hair got caught in his stubble. I brushed it down, I took the opportunity to graze his cheek "what were you thinking just now? What was in your mind?"

"What?" He was surprised, to the point where some of his swedish accent came through "it was an ancient memory. I was a child when it happened. Playing on the beach, watching the sea." He understood why I had asked and he shifted between amazement and concern. I got the sense that he was someone who, though afraid of vulnerability, very much wanted to be understood.

"It's a beautiful memory." I tucked some of his hair behind his ears. It was too short to stay. There was blood pooling in his eyes. I didn't know what I'd say to comfort a one thousand year old viking warrior vampire, so I kept smoothing his hair down, and it seemed to help.

"It's your blood."

"I know." I had just come to the same realization. Everytime he drank my blood, I got inside his mind.

"I hate to break up this lovely moment, but we should speak to Pamela about this."

"She is going to love this development." I rearranged myself in the driver's seat.

Eric wiped away a tear, and used it to heal the bite marks with, not looking towards me. "Are you good to drive?"

I nodded and started the engine. We made good time towards Fangtasia. Eric kept his window lowered the whole way, looking out contemplatively, gravely. We arrived to find the "closed" sign on the door. Eric's exasperated face told me this would be interesting.

He got out of the car and went inside with vampire speed. When I caught up, I saw him, arms crossed, looking unimpressed, as Pam was sinking her fangs in the femoral artery of a young girl in a silvery sequin dress. Pam raised her head, and the girl gasped. "A little privacy?" She turned slowly and defiantly towards her maker.

"Fine. Wrap up here and meet me in my office. We have important business to discuss." I went after him, feeling all the uncomfortable feelings of being walked in on by your parents, while understanding what it was like to be the parent, at the same time.

We were joined by Pam not much later, she had wiped the blood from her face and reapplied her powder and lipstick, she looked like a porcelain doll. "This better be good."

"It is." Eric responded from his desk chair. "I need you to think of something-"

"Of course, I'm the only one doing any rational thinking around here anyway."

"Cute. I need you to go to a memory, whatever specific memory. Actually, pick something from before she was born."

"That's not difficult, she's practically five minutes old." Pam closed her eyes, raised her eyebrows, tilted her head "done."

"Anything?" Eric looked at me.

I shook my head. As I stood in front of Pam, I came up blank. I took her hands, she opened her eyes, and looked at me disapprovingly. But I was looking on a newspaper page. San Francisco Examiner, 1888, "The Whitechapel Fiend?" I asked her. She stepped away from me and took her hands from mine.

"That would be Jack the Ripper to you. I was around when he was just getting started." She stood at a right angle from me, arms crossed, processing. "So you are a telepath afterall."

"There is a catch. Only when I've recently drunk her blood, can she tap into memories." Eric explained, resting his feet up on his desk.

I was like a pillar in the middle of the office, or Pam was using me as such. She stood with her arms crossed in front of me, and each time she spoke towards Eric, she leaned past my frame, then she retreated. And I was shorter than her, so it must have been comical, from where Eric was sitting.

"So her blood is in you, which means that she can see into your thoughts. And, because you're my maker, and we share the same bloodline, she can also see into my thoughts."

"On a smaller scale, but yes." Eric added.

"Just like a vampire."

"Lasts less than a day, though."

"What is she again?"

"She doesn't know." I answered her.

"Adorable." Sarcastic to the bone. "Anything else you'd like to add?"

"You were scared." I said, not sure whether I should have. "You were only seventeen, and you were scared." I felt for her, but I also wanted to humble her, if that was at all possible. And I wanted to hug her, but I was afraid of what she would do, if I tried. Eric gave her a sympathetic look, though.

"It was mass hysteria. We were across the ocean from the action, and we thought we were in danger. It was nonsense." She went to lean against the desk, back to Eric.

"I don't think it was nonsense."

"Here's what definitely is. Keeping you around. We know the extent of her powers now, and, thank fuck, the effect of her blood is temporary. She is dangerous to have around, and she has nothing on us, Eric. Let. Her. Go."

Eric was about to interject, when we started to hear a police siren approaching.

[idontknowreallywhy]

WIP-what-on-earth-have-I-got-myself-into-here…

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Ash had had access to both of their files for a long while… the visible parts anyway. The extensive redactions? Not so much. Well… now his new GDF rank meant he could get past those too but he hadn’t dared. Partly because he wasn’t sure it was a can of worms he was ready to face. Not now he had Scott back after so long.

The other big reason he’d resisted was because they’d know. The decryption keys were personalised… they’d know both who and when. And three weeks into the new job was a little early to risk getting fired.

Or worse. Knowing them… probably worse.

Tonight though, hours of the puffed up, clueless idiots squabbling about the new outbreak had forced him to relive so many parts of his experience ten years before that the phantom pain was almost unbearable. He rubbed at his lower leg, trying to fool his mind into thinking he was comforting the missing arm, soothing the nerves that tormented him but that he could never reach.

Scott hadn’t lost anything visible. But Ash knew they’d stolen a no less crippling part of him too. He’d watched his friend from a distance, scratching at a a similar untouchable itch in so many subtle ways. How much of his friend’s confident, controlled outward demeanour was as synthetic as the fingertips Ash realised he was rapping against the desktop? He flattened his hand, grimacing at the supposedly-unnoticeable delay between thought and movement that had rewritten his future.

Ash knew what his friend had lost. And he couldn’t help feel responsible - he should have been there. He’d spent countless sleepless nights trying to figure out how he could have prevented it all, if he’d spotted the clumsy sabotage as he should have, swapped with another jet… maybe he could have got there in time. Got him out.

Instead he’d just sat there shaking and bleeding and sobbing and helpless as first Scott and then Val’s radios had cut out. If Ash hadn’t passed out from the shock of his injury perhaps he could have got her out at least…

No. They’d got it right in her jet. She wouldn’t have known a thing.

EHZ007 was all over Scott’s file. And each time the reference was used, the following sections were blacked out. If he knew why, maybe he might get closer to finding out what had happened and why.

At the very least he might be able to reach out to his friend, to help him find closure. If he knew better what had occurred between that last desperate shout over the radio and the day that the gaunt face of his best friend had asked him to leave the ranch and never return.

It would look highly suspicious if the first Top-Secret graded file he accessed post-promotion was that of his old wingman. They were clueless in some ways, but not in all of them.

Giles, though. He looked at a lot of the TS material just for fun and bragging rights, if his boasting was to be believed. And this evening Ash had watched the man unlock his work phone with 1234. Someone that uncreative with passcodes might just have used the same one for everything…

Officer ID, rank code, personal pin, age in days. The man’s date of birth was on his Wikipedia page and so… Ash now had everything he needed.

Except the courage. He’d been staring at the encryption alert box for over an hour. His shoulder ached.

He disconnected his prosthetic and dumped it on the table before snatching up the scotch bottle and refilling his glass.

He typed in the number.

PASSCODE ERROR.

He swore and retyped it.

No! The man had clearly used another pin. Damn.

He drained the glass and dropped his head to the desk. It was probably just as well.

Out in the hallway his great grandmother’s clock chimed once.

It was later than he thought.

It was… tomorrow.

He sat up, cursing his own idiocy and typed the code again, increasing the last digit by one. The screen refreshed and the blacked out sections disappeared.

He was in.

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[seraphic-sibyl]

I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been