#but then this wouldnt be finished before new years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kenzsturniolo1 · 21 days ago

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𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐌.𝐒

𝓣𝓦; 𝓝𝓢𝓕𝓦, 𝓹 𝓲𝓷 𝓿, 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓸𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭, 𝓼𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓳𝓸𝓫?

You and Matt have known each other for what seems like forever, but it was only last year that you confessed your feelings for each other.

For the triplets' new video the triplets are spending a week away from each other. You knew matt wouldnt do well with this, since him and his brothers havent even spent a whole 24 hours away from each other. So you offered to stay the week with him so you can give him company and make sure he doesnt get to lonely.

—

You guys dropped chris off at the airport yesterday so he can get on his flight to BOSTON.

You woke up and found matt asleep next to you. You lay a gentle kiss on his forehead before heading to the bathroom. You strip off your clothing and head into the shower, the hot water casting over your body sending shivers down your spine. You wash your hair and do a little clean up shave on your legs with the spare razor you keep at matts house.

You get out the shower, and fall into one of matts cozy hoodies. Matts warm vanilla scent intoxicates your nose when you sniff it. You throw on a pair of your leggings and brush your hair before you head the the kitchen.

You make yourself a bagel with cream cheese and strawberries. You lean over the counter and eat your bagel and scroll on instagram.

You jump slightly when you feel a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist and a head nuzzling into your neck. You look down and see its Matts tattooed arms.

“Jesus baby you scared me!” you laugh slightly.

You hear Matt sniffle.

“Sorry, love.” matt mumbles against your neck.

His lips speaking against your neck feels like heaven. The way it tickles but leaves you wanting the sensation again and again.

“It's okay, bubba. Are you feeling alright?”

You turn around and your face quickly turns into concern. “Baby you look….. A little rough.”

you look at the sweat beading all over his forehead, and his eyes are droopy. “I think i'm getting a cold.”

You laugh slightly. “Yeah baby i agree.”

Matt laughs too but then lets out a nasty rough crunchy sounding cough. You frown slightly.

“Baby why dont you lay in bed. Ill make you some soup, okay?”

Your tired boyfriend nods and waddles back to his room.

You quickly start making him some Chicken and rice soup.

While the soup is cooking you grab a washcloth and run it under cold water.

You walk back into Matt's room and see him spread out on his bed just in his boxers. You walk back over to him and set the washcloth on his head.

“I'm making you Chicken and rice soup, okay, love?”

Matt nods with a slight pout on his face. I hand him the remote.

“Put on so gravity falls,baby. Your soup will be done soon.”

Matt kisses your lips softly put doesnt really put out his lips more just places them on yours.

You hurry back to the kitchen to finish making his soup. You add some cheese on the stop and some crackers at the side.

You put the soup on a tray and carefully bring it back to his room.

“Baby sit up.”

You tell Matthew and carfelly set the tray on his lap.

“Thank you, my love.”

Matt says in his voice rough and ragged because of his stuffy nose.

You curse under your breath when you realize you forgot to get home a drink. You quickly pace to the kitchen and pour a bunch of ice into a water bottle and pour water into it. You walk back into his room and give im the water bottle. Matt smiles and you can't help but think of how handsome he is even while hes all snotty and sweaty.

“I really dont deserve you.” matt says and blows on his soup.

You climb into bed next to him and watch gravity falls with him.

He doesnt really eat his soup and you notice. You grab his spoon and put some soup on it. You bring it to your lips and blow lightly before bring it to his.

“You need to eat, baby.”

Matt hesatinly wraps his lips around the spoon. You can really tell hes not feeling well, and it breaks your heart into a million pieces.

You take the tray off his lap as its clear hes not gonna be eating anymore. You pull him into your arms. You gently play with his slightly wavy soft hair.

“ ‘m gonna get you sick.”

“I dont care.”

You kiss his forehead gently as he nuzzles into your chest more.

“I hate seeing my pretty boy like this.”

You see the biggest smile creep onto matts face when you call him ‘your pretty boy’. Yes you guys have been dating for a while but he will never not blush when you compliment him.

Matt tries but fails to keep his eyes open. This makes you smile and you kiss his nose.

Matt also drifts off to sleep and not soon after you do to.

—

You wake up and look at your phone.

3:12am

You turn around and see matts not in bed. Your stomach drops and you get out of bed. You walk out his bedroom and see him standing in the bathroom putting his head under the sink. You giggle and kiss his back softly as he gets his hair wet.

“ ‘m couldnt sleep.”

“Want some medicine to help you sleep.”

Matt shakes his head with a slightly pouty face. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him softly.

You look at his body in the mirror. Hes only wearing boxers, you slide my finger tips into the band of his boxers.

“W-what are you doing?” matt rubs his hand over yours

“Nothing.” You mumble and slide your hand deeper into his boxers feeling his soft member.

Matt closes his eyes and bites his lip slightly.

“Let’s go back to your room, Bubs.”

Matt nods and follows you to his room.

You guys crawl into his bed and slide under the covers.

You guys start slowly making out.

Your hand cupping his slight stubble and then going back to scratch his head.

Matt puts his hand on your leggings and pulls away slightly from your lips and mumbles.

“Love, can I?”

You smile and nod and kiss him again. He pulls down your leggings with your underwear.

His hand stays on your waist rubbing small light circles.

“I love you” matt mumbles

“I love you more, Bubs.”

You pull down his boxers and then go back to kiss him.

Matt pulls away and takes off his shirt and goes back to wrapping his body with yours.

Matt sniffles before he asks. “Are you ready?”

You nod and he slowly enters you. You cup his face both your months opening letting out small gasps.

You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his forehead as he slowly starts to move laying on his side with him in your arms.

You both let out soft moans and groans and you caress his chin.

A couple of minutes later if doing this both you guys reach your climax.

You both lie there, bodies knotted together.

You start to leave small pecks all over his face. Matt lays there not fighting back with a stupid, cheeky smile plastered on his face.

But the next think you know….. matt sneezes right as you go down to kiss him again.

“Matthew!”

“Don’t yell at me, 'm sickkkkk.” Matt giggles

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #smut #chris sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #fanfic

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stardustloserdoll · 10 months ago

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hello!! i love your work!! i was wondering if you could do Johnnie Guilbert smut? i would like the reader to be afab and the fic to include reader and Johnnie with huge sexual tension. the reader comes to his house to make a youtube video with him and Jake and after filming it leads them to doing the deed😓😓 have a great day/night🤍🤍

thank you!! i hope u have a great day/night too <3

want you

female reader

i raised my hand and knocked on the door waiting for an answer. a few seconds went by, and the door finally swung open revealing jake with a wide grin on his face. "y/n! you made it!" jake opened his arms to hug me "of course. i wouldn't wanna miss doing a video with my favorite ladies." i stepped in placing my sweater on the couch. "johnnies in the room, we're all set up." jake smiled as we walked to the room.

"johnnieee look who's heree." jake sang as he went over to him shaking him by his shoulders. "what." johnnie looked up from his phone, his eyes meeting mine. "y/n!" johnnie gasped making his way towards me embracing me. i wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. we both separated from the hug, johnnies hands moving onto my waist "i missed you." he smiled, his eyes looking into mine. i smiled back, looking into his gaze making me nervous, "i did too. a lot."

"alright you two enough eye fucking. let's start." jake said in a country accent as he came over, placing his hands on our heads. johnnie and i said sorry, smiling at each other. we all took our place in our seats and sat down preparing for the video.

"hey guys welcome back! today we have the one and only y/n and johnnie"

johnnie and i waved at the camera

"today, we are going to be trying some trader joes food."

"but before we get started. you guys know how y/n and johnnie joked about kissing each other for new years? they actually did it!"

"and this wasnt the first time! they kissed when they were drunk too."

johnnie and i hid our faces in our hands laughing mumbling jake’s name

johnnie spoke up "im gonna say this. the new years kiss was way better."

looking up i nodded my head "it was."

"i honestly wouldnt mind kissing her again."

jake sat there in shock, looking at the camera then at us "sexual tension on aisle 3."

"anyways! let's get started."

throughout the whole video johnnie and i wouldn't stop staring at each other. we smiled at each other the whole time. even making excuses to hold each others hands and taking bites of each others food. as the video came to an end we all said our goodbyes and shut off the camera.

"well i should be going now." i laughed as grabbing my bag. "you're leaving?" johnnie asked quickly "yeah. unless you want me to stay? i can stay if thats fine with you guys?" jake and johnnie nodded their heads "of course!" once we finished cleaning everything up we all watched whatever was on tv. jake being the first to fall asleep. as the movie continued jake woke up and groggily said goodnight to us saying he was heading to bed. johnnie and i said goodnight and continued watching tv.

"hey johnnie." i asked, keeping my attention on the tv. he responded with a 'hm' and lowered the volume. "did you mean it when you said you wouldn't mind kissing me again." i turned to look at him biting the inside of my cheek. "yeah. i could kiss you right now actually." he responded setting the remote down on the coffee table looking at me. my eyes widened when johnnies hand reached up, his fingers gently grazing my cheek. i pressed my lips onto his quickly, as i wrapped my arms around his neck, to deepen the kiss.

opening my mouth slightly johnnie slipped his tongue in, the kissing getting needier and messier. pulling away slightly he whispered against my lips "lets go to my room."

closing the door behind us he softly pushed me against it pressing his lips onto mine, kissing me hungrily. our bodys pressing against each other. johnnie leaned down to kiss my neck leaving hickeys along my neck, i pushed him away softly "what if they see." johnnie rolled his eyes "who gives a fuck." he chuckled continuing what he was doing. johnnies hands moved down to my hips, taking off my studded belt, sliding my pants down.

"cute panties." johnnie chuckled tracing the skulls on my underwear. "shut up." i laughed grabbing his cheeks, putting my lips on his. "too bad they have to come off." he smiled against my lips, as he pulled them down slowly. he moved one of his hands down and began rubbing my clit. "so wet." he mumbled as he circled on my clit. moaning as johnnie slowly slipped two fingers, pumping into my cunt. "fuck johnnie." i whimpered feeling him speed up, gripping onto his shoulders. "johnnie.. gonna come." i whined, grinding myself on his hand.

johnnie pulled away with a smirk on his lips. "really?" i whined pushing his shoulder slightly. he unbuckled his studded belt and pushed his pants down. taking his cock in his hand giving a few pumps, looking at me "ready?" i nodded my head, feeling him slide inside me, making us both moan. "fuck y/n." johnnie whispered as he gripped my hips as he fucked into me faster. "johnnie im gonna cum." i wrapped my arms around him, wrapping my legs around his waist. johnnie lifted a hand up grabbing my cheeks softly pulling me into a kiss. "cum on my cock y/n." a choked moan left my lips as i felt my climax wash over me.

he thrusted a few more times and came inside me. we both stayed there catching our breaths holding onto each other closely. "you okay?" i nodded my head as i kept my head on his shoulder, my arms still wrapped around him. "lets take a bath and go to sleep." he whispered kissing the top of my head.

once we cleaned up and took our bath johnnie handed me some clothes to wear to sleep. "hope you dont mind wearing one of my emo shirts." he laughed as he handed me 'a my chemical romance shirt.' "its fine." i smiled slipping on the shirt.

we both lied on the bed and held onto each other. "well that was fun." i said moving his hair from his face. "yeah it was. i been wanting to kiss you since forever." he smiled as his thumb caressed my hip. "me too...i know this is a bad time to ask but wanna be my boyfriend." "duh. wanna be my girlfriend?" "duh."

#johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert smut

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z3rinn · 11 months ago

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# #. DOING THEIR MAKEUP !!

featuring: nrc 1st years !! You're usually bored in Ramshackle, even while having sleepovers with the other first year boys. But then, you suddenly have an epiphany!! To do their makeup!! But how do they react?

srry I haven't posted in a while >.< I've been working on some projects that I hope you guys will enjoy! Plus winter break is always so hectic for me lol. I hope all of ur holidays went well and i hope you have a happy new year!

# #. ACE TRAPPOLA

Ace is initially sceptical at first. Why would you offer to do his makeup? It was such a random request, he couldn't help but be nervous. Were you about to prank him? Or draw a dick on his face??? Was this payback for all the times he's drawn them on you and Deuce?

It doesnt take much convincing to let you though- drawing that heart day after day gets annoying. Especially because Riddle makes sure it's perfect every morning. It'd be nice to have someone do it for him.

Ace sits in front of you, legs spread for you to sit in between. He's leaning against the couch, slouching and complaining about how long this would take. Yet, the sudden feeling of your hands on his face shuts him up. Huh. When did the two of you get so close?

Your hands brush against his face, a sort of tension in the air as you do so. The soft sensation of the makeup brush, the powder on his face, the chill of the air. It was all calming and cold. Yet he couldn't help but feel warm.

You were too close to him. That had to be it! So close he could feel your breath on his lips. Once he felt your fingertips press against the plush of lips, he flushed brightly. He hoped you didn’t notice his stare.

Once you finish he smirks. That stupid, snarky, voice leaving his lips. He teases you for being so close to him, saying you must've done it on purpose. Luckily, you couldn't notice his pink cheeks under the blush you placed on him. He hums lightly, a cheeky grin forming on his face. He’d have to let you do this again.

# #. DEUCE SPADE

Deuce had makeup on his face before, seeing things like foundation and concealer were common to find on him. His mom would put them on him, it was due to their matching complexions, she would say, giggling.

He stopped during his delinquent era, using it occasionally to draw scars and bruises to seem “cool.” Makeup reminded him of his mom. Of his time as a delinquent. Of both his bad and good decisions. Perhaps that’s why he was afraid to agree.

Nonetheless, he accepts, albeit a bit nervously. Deuce sits on his knees, body tense as he glances around the room. You sit before him, laughing at his flushed face. You probably wouldnt even need to blush him with how red he was. Deuce was panicking, you were way too close to his face.

He's nervous and tense when your hands come to caress his cheeks. At first not even registering your touch. The feeling of his skin on yours is too much at first. It’s like he’s about to explode with how fast his heart.

However, he soon relaxes, face still flushed and heart still pounding. But he had a dazed look in is in his eyes, so close to falling asleep. The feeling of your hands on his face, gently putting product on him. He could fall asleep to this. It was comforting.

He flushes bright red when you wake him up, stuttering apologies like he had accidentally pushed you or something. You laughed at him, ruffling his hair (that you did while he was asleep) before pressing a teasing kiss to his cheek. Now he was burning.

# #. JACK HOWL

Jack's also confused, why would you want to put makeup on him of all people? Wouldn't you prefer someone prettier? But then you comment on how pretty he looked during the fairy gala, leaving him with a wagging tail and twitching ears.

Jack still looms over you, even while sitting. So it's better to have his head in your lap, or have him sit in a chair while you do it. You chose the former option (obviously). So he lays his head in your lap, albeit awkwardly.

Your hands travel to the back of his head, slightly massaging the hair behind his ears. His eyes are closed, body tense, like any sudden movements would disrupt you. You just giggle, petting him more and telling him to loosen up.

Soon, he relaxes, melting into your touch. His heightened senses usually make things uncomfortable, especially with things on his face. Yet your touch was calming and nice. Plus the scratches did help.

It reminded him of his siblings, and how they would make him play dress up and put makeup on him for fun. All those tea parties he had to attend, and those scrutinizing hours of just sitting there seemed to be useful once in a while. His eyes open to meet your own, golden eyes gazing up at you.

You were concentrating, biting your lips slightly as you blush his cheeks. He can't help but smile at your face. Once noticing Jack's stare you smile, complementing how still he was, compared to everyone else. Would he let you do this again? Yeah. If you asked.

# #. EPEL FELMIER

Epel sighs, dramatically falling to the floor. Of course you'd want to do his makeup. Ever since coming to NRC he's had to deal with people (Vil) wanting to put products on him like he was some sorta mannequin.

But you're not Vil, and you weren't forcing it onto him. And Epel could admit the teeny tiny crush he had on you. ( Having your hands on him was like a fever dream- ) Plus you were one of his closest friends! So with the sweetest smile ever, he agrees.

He sits crossed legged, with you on your knees above him. You look down at him, lifting his head up slightly. You cup his cheek, gently running your finger down the soft flesh, they were so smooth that not even a single blackhead was there. Vil's products really worked!

Meanwhile Epel was trying so hard to not scream at the top of his lungs. He could feel your warm, minty, breath, your skin softly caressing his own. He wanted to shove his face into one of the couch pillows and scream for an eternity.

Luckily, he's able to keep his composure, and soon gets lost in the familiar feeling of makeup on his face. It was oddly comforting, or satisfying at least. But he just can't seem to let go of the butterflies in his stomach.

Seven forbid he opens his eyes again ( they've been closed this whole time ) cause as soon as he sees your focused stare he's gonna retire to the countryside. The smile you give when finishing melts his heart. When he gets back to pomefiore he's gonna scream into that pillow like there's no tomorrow.

# #. SEBEK ZIGVOLT

Sebek is yapping and refusing, saying how it's unbecoming to wear makeup as a knight. He would get messy and dirtied during his training anyway, so what was the point? You remind him that Lilia's a knight, and that he wears makeup. He shuts up...Before yelling once more.

You sigh, groaning into a couch pillow at his annoying voice. Looks like you'll have to bring out the ultimate weapon for this. You stand up, batting your lashes as you place an arm on his shoulder. "But Sebek, don't you want to look your best for Malleus?"

That gets him to shut up. He sits on the sofa, posture still perfect as he grumbles to himself, arms crossed. Yet you can see the nervous excitement on his face. It was both cute yet annoying how dedicated he was.

You stand above him, a cheeky grin on your lips as you hold the brushes to his face. He's rolling his eyes at you, telling you to hurry it up. And that you do. He doesn't care much for the feeling, finding it somewhat pleasant- in a weird way.

He's far more focused on the way your standing above him. Your eyes gaze at him, and it feels like your staring deeply into his soul. He notices how your lips pucker slightly, carefully placing lipstick on his own. Your lips look oddly nice....

GAH- you're just a dumb human!! Why was he thinking about you like this?? He's suddenly flushing a bright red. Sputtering curses and nonsense- something about you bewitching him?? You just roll your eyes, quickly finishing the job before kicking him out. At least he looks good for Waka-Sama.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #ace trappola #deuce spade #jack howl #epel felmier #sebek zigvolt #twst first years #ace trappola x reader #deuce spade x reader #jack howl x reader #epel felmier x reader #sebek x reader

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stardustedseas · 2 months ago

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Ford x reader (college era/slight age difference)

He’s kind of embarrassed at how often he has to resist the urge to just pick you up. He wants to carry you in his arms.

That’s all I got rn.

YESSSSSSSSS may the axolotl bless you for all of the somft ideas fr

he wants to just carry you around like a kid would a stuffed animal, you are his emotional support s/o now actually. compared to him, youre just so much softer and smaller, so tempting to swoop up. every time he sees you do something he finds cute or attractive, he just wants to snatch you up and carry you around. you could have just pulled an all nighter and stumbled into class looking like shit and he just wants to hold you so bad.

if it was more acceptable, he would probably just have you sitting in his lap all the time, carry you wherever he has to go then stuff you in his pocket while his hands are busy before he can hold you again. doesnt help if youre younger than him either, he does not care its like just a year, he wants to pick you up bridal style and hold you close to his chest, protected from any and everything.

sometimes if he isnt careful, he will catch himself reaching out to pick you up. everytime he gets these thoughts he feels silly, youre a grown human after all, not some pet for him to hold. but goddddd he just,,,, wants to have you in his arms 24/7 is that such a crime??? if you could read his thoughts, you would be able to tell everytime he has that urge because his cheeks will flush and he will instead hold his bag with both hands, making sure they cant unconsciously grab for you

smh he has those big hands and strong arms for a reason, its to pick you up and bring you with him ofc, so it really is a waste he doesnt :( honestly you probs wouldnt mind, if he could get over his embarrassment and actually pick you up like that? chances are you wouldn't have a single word of complaint

no but can you imagine its one of the reasons he starts to work out more, he wants to be able to easily hold you like he thinks about so often. his goal in the gym is to be able to dead lift your weight, whether its 100 lb or 300+, he is ON it

alsoooooo maybe one of the times he catches himself thinking about carrying you in his arms, its over the threshold of your new shared home after you two get married once you finish college :3

#stanford pines x reader #stanford pines #gravity falls #i love him sm he is such prime soft thoughts real estate #especially college era/slight age difference au

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prince-jjae · 18 days ago

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Pancakes for Dinner.

pairing; beomgyu/reader.

genre; angst, smut, fluff. (so much fluff, im so sorry.)

warnings; childhood friend!gyu, roommate!gyu, hate sex (kinda, not between gyu and reader), yearning...so much yearning..., one-sided affection (or is it?), toxic!gyu, aggressive!gyu, choking used as an intimidation tactic

jjaes comments; this one is.. kinda wild. its taken me weeks to write this. it rlly kicked my ass. this is a little over 5.5k words of pure angst, yearning and fluff. pls dont let this flop. thanks to my beta readers (wives) @liverspaghett and @hyukascampfire, i wouldnt have finished this without you guys.<3

Living with Beomgyu was a horrible idea. One of your worst, by far.

At first, it seemed like the most logical thing to do. You had been nearly inseparable as children, having spent your whole lives attached at the hip. When the looming task of moving out for college came up, of course, staying with your one and only best friend was the best idea you could come up with. And, of course, he jumped at the chance to have some form of familiarity in such a foreign space.

That was two years ago. Things were simpler, back then.

You huffed out a heavy sigh, forehead pressed against the cool glass of the plane. You were headed back home after a much needed trip away. You went alone, of course, much to Beomgyu’s irritation. You always did everything together, why not this, too? You didn’t have the heart to tell him. You simply couldn’t bring yourself to.

How would you even begin to tell him that you loved him, anyway?

–

It started shortly after you two had moved in together. You found yourself drowning in a pile of schoolwork. Essay after essay, quiz after quiz. One particular assignment had you at your wits end, eyes scanning over the same line of text over and over as if rereading it would help it sink in better than the first 7 times you did so. Your head fell against your desk with a loud thunk, the dull pain behind your eyes mixing with the new pain blooming on your forehead. Before you could lift your head to drop it on your desk again, your door opened with the faintest of knocks and a call of your name.

“Hey… you alright? You're gonna knock any sense you have left right out of your head if you keep doing that,” he snarked. Typical Beomgyu, trying to lift your spirits with jokes and half-hearted insults. You snorted out a humourless laugh.

“This homework is leading me to believe I never had any to begin with,” you replied, voice hollow and irritated. Beomgyu’s smirk fell right off his face. He moved closer to you, brows furrowing in concern.

“Hey, wait– Don’t talk about my best friend like that,” he rushed to soothe you, frowning as pulling you out of your uncomfortable desk chair and into his arms. Even as adults, you two were always a bit too touchy. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as you melted into his hold with ease. Usually, you were a bit iffy about physical affection. As kids, Beomgyu made it a point to make you accept him and his love. It was his life’s goal, apparently. One he had achieved after 6 years of hard work. Now, you were putty in his careful hands. you let your frustrations melt from your body until only comfort remained, comfort only Beomgyu could give you. He always had a way of making you feel better.

He rested his chin atop the crown of your head, rubbing soothing circles into your back, right where he knew all your tension would be held. “You're one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. You’re not only incredibly smart, but incredibly talented. I will not abide by this slander,” he half-joked at the end, trying to ease you into the way he saw you. You just huffed in reply, burying your face in his chest. He pulled back just enough so he could fix your skewed glasses on your face, smiling at you with that same lopsided grin he had when you first met as children.

“Let's take a break, yeah? I think I heard some ice cream and a movie calling our names.”

–

You always knew he was attentive, that he would make his future partner feel like the most cherished thing on the planet. But after about a year of him being attentive with you, you had a horrifying realisation.

Your heart swooping in your chest when he brought you your favourite snacks randomly, surprising you with your favourite coffee before classes, when he would make you pancakes for dinner as a surprise– it was slowly making one thing terrifyingly clear in your head. You didn’t want his attention to be anywhere else. Those thoughts that you had before about him making a future partner happy no longer felt like a pleasant thought, but it had jealousy rolling white-hot in your stomach. You weren't ready for him to dote on someone else the way he doted on you.

Still, you revelled in the feeling for now. Was it selfish to want to keep this, even if it was temporary? Perhaps, but you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. Especially when he sat on your bedroom floor, back pressed to the side of your bed as you wrote your latest essay, strumming his guitar to fill the air. He was working on a new song, he had said. There were no lyrics quite yet, but the melody he was creating was so.. soothing. It made your head spin with warmth and comfort, but there was a yearning there that you couldn’t help but pick up on. You turned in your desk chair, facing him with your lips pulled into a curious pout.

“What’s it about?” you had asked him, voice gentle and soft as if you were afraid that speaking any louder would disturb the comfortable vibes that had settled over your room. He glanced up from his guitar, head tilted at you like a puppy. Your heart stuttered in your chest, making you glance away. You couldn't maintain eye contact when he looked at you like this, as if you hung the moon and stars for him.

“I’m… honestly not sure. But it seems like it wants to be a love song of some sort,” he replied, looking equally as perplexed. You sat up a bit straighter in your seat.

“Wants to be? Does a song know what it wants to become?” You frowned, confused. Beomgyu was always hard to figure out, even moreso when he became so beautifully poetic like this out of seemingly nowhere. He nodded quickly, soft blond curls bouncing at the movement.

“Every piece of art knows what it wants to become. You just have to let it decide.”

You sat there, stunned into silence. His words hit you in a way you never expected. You thought back to all of your unfinished stories, fictions you had written over the years that never saw the light of day. Only Beomgyu knew about a few of them, not all. After all, how could you tell him that a lot of the stories you wrote were about him? You realised he was right. Whenever you wrote, especially lately, your stories tended to go wherever they wanted. No matter how hard you tried writing various genres, various storylines, various characters.. It always came back to him. It was always him, in the end. You smiled at him, leaning back in your chair as you turned around to complete your essay.

“I think I get it.”

But you didn’t get the chance to tell him. You weren’t brave enough by then.

–

It was 6 months ago when he shattered your internal fantasies. He walked through the front door as normal, tossing his keys in the dish and taking his shoes off. Everything seemed normal, but you instantly knew something was off. Maybe it was the way he seemed a little too giddy today, maybe it was the way his cheeks were tinged red despite the temperate weather outside, but you had a looming feeling that something was about to destroy you today.

You should have trusted your gut.

The news was not surprising, really. That he had a crush on someone and it was going well. No, what gutted you was that it had apparently been brewing for months now, while you were blissfully unaware. You were too busy falling for Beomgyu that you hadn’t noticed him falling, too. But not with you.

Still, he was your best friend. You had no choice but to find joy in his happiness, even if it wasn't shared with you the way you wanted. So you smiled as wide as you were able, congratulating him with as much true happiness as you could muster. He grinned, the smile bright and blinding as he swept you up in his arms, spinning you around. It sliced through your heart knowing that he did all of this platonically.

“God, I really think they’re the one..” he breathed, sounding dazed. He was entirely unaware of the sound of your heart shattering in your chest, nor of the way your fake smile faltered for just a moment.

–

You decided it was time to go on a trip. You needed to get out. Fast. You needed to be as far from Beomgyu as possible, as fast as possible. Luckily you had plenty of vacation time from work built up, and within a few months, you were packed up and ready at the door of your shared apartment.

“Gyu, cmon.. You’ll live without me, right? It’s only for two weeks, and I’ll be back before you know it,” you rushed to console him, even at your own expense. Truthfully, you didn’t want to come back to him. He was absent from the apartment almost all the time now, spending all his time with his new partner. You no longer knew what he was up to, nor how his classes were going, if he was happy, sad, upset. You were a stranger, now. Such an intense change in your dynamic with him became a hot knife in your stomach, carving out your worst emotions and putting them on full display.

It was a tearful goodbye, but not on your account. Beomgyu was a blubbering mess, clinging to your shirtsleeve as if letting go would mean he would never see you again. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, shrugging him off before ruffling your hand through his fluffy hair as you always did. “Besides, you’ll probably be too busy with your partner to have time fussing over me.”

You knew your words were a low blow, but watching his eyes water and bottom lip quiver stroked your ego just slightly. He frantically shook his head side to side with such a fervour you were sure he would break his neck if he kept going. You placed your hands on either side of his face to still him, his cheeks squishing against your palms. He stared at you with those big puppy eyes you loved, and your heart tugged in your chest. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to hold him. You wanted to just stay here with him instead of running away like the coward you are.

Alas, he wasn’t yours to do so with, so you pulled away.

Gripping your suitcase, you walked toward the taxi waiting for you, but something gave you pause as your hand made contact with the door handle. You looked over your shoulder, giving him your best, watery excuse of a smile you could muster.

“Be good, okay? Be back soon.”

“You’d better.”

–

If you had some foresight, you would have shut down your computer before you left. Although, in your defence, you were too preoccupied with getting the hell out of the house that you did little to prepare your room for your departure. It really shouldn't be surprising that Beomgyu would go snooping in your room when you weren't there. It was perfectly innocent, he swore! He missed you so much. He needed to be in there to feel your presence again.

It had only been a few days since you had left, and the apartment was eerie without you. He realised just how much you lit up the room when you were there, keeping the apartment’s atmosphere warm and fuzzy with just your presence. He was content with just sitting on your bedroom floor as he usually did. He talked out loud about his day, rambling in his usual way and imagining you were watching with rapt attention and nodding along as always. He caught himself, pressing his lips into a thin line when he realised what he was doing. This was pathetic. He could just call you, but your phone seemed to be off. Not being able to contact you at all times settled a pit deep in his stomach that he didn’t like. His connection to you was severed; cut off at the neck, and he was floundering. He didn’t know what to do without you, so he dragged himself off of your bedroom floor and into his own room, flopping himself face-down on his own bed.

A few hours later, when he realised he couldn’t get a wink of sleep without you, he dragged himself out of bed. If he couldn’t sleep, he could at least do something productive, right? He went back to that song he was trying to write, guitar in his lap and pencil tapping against his plush bottom lip as he tried to concentrate. “Cmon.. let the song write itself..” he tried to coach himself through it, to no avail. After an hour of staring at a blank lyric page, he let out a defeated groan. Moments later, he found himself in front of your bedroom door. He couldn't recall how he ended up there, honestly. He swore his feet followed the familiar path to your room of their own volition. He pushed your door open, eyes fluttering just slightly at the way your scent hit him like a wall. He could feel his muscles release the pent-up tension he must've gained during his poor excuse for rest. Beomgyu sighed as he stepped through the threshold of your room. He wanted to settle on the floor with his back against the side of your bed like he always did, but something tugged at him today.

He sat in front of your computer.

You were a writer. He knew that much. He had read a handful of things you deemed good enough for his eyes, and he was positively enraptured with the way you wove words into intricate stories that tugged on his heartstrings. He was hoping, however selfish that hope was, that he could find something to inspire him into writing that damn song. You always inspired him, so surely your writing would do the same.

He swore he wouldn’t snoop for too long, wanting to find something from you, anything from you to aid him in his songwriting woes- and then he found it. Scrolling innocently through your saved documents, something caught his eyes.

“Pancakes for Dinner..” he read off the screen, the combination of words tugging at something familiar deep in his brain. How could he resist? He clicked the document open.

This work was different from your usual writing. It was in a poem format, and the pacing was reminiscent of a song. He wondered, distantly, just when you had the time to write something so interesting- oh.

2 hours ago.

You were writing this on your trip, probably with your laptop or phone. Something about that fact made his heart sink. You obviously had access to the internet, why weren't you talking to him? Were you avoiding him? It seemed unfathomable, you ignoring your best friend, just as he couldn't imagine ignoring you. Frowning, he pushed himself to read.

“Don't want to be forward, don't want to cross a line

But if I were to crash in this plane tonight,

I'd want you to know this.

Don't want to say too much, intrude on your space

But if I were to crash and I didn’t make it home

I’d want you to know this.”

Beomgyu's heart was in his throat. Crashing..? He hated the idea. You were going to be safe. He didn't even want to entertain the idea of you never coming home to him. You were a fact in his universe. A fixed point. Unchangeable. And here you were, writing about dying? About never coming back to him? He felt sick.

“Oh, and to say it is too scary, so I’ll just say something else

And I wish that you could hear me when I talk to myself

But this plane might not land safely

So, what the hell do I have to lose

If I just tell you?

I wanna eat pancakes for dinner

I wanna get stuck in your head

I wanna watch a TV show together

And when we’re under the weather

We can watch it in bed

I wanna go out on the weekends

I wanna dress up just to get undressed

I know that I should probably tell you this

In case there is an accident and I never see you again

So please save all your questions for the end

Maybe I’ll be brave enough by then.”

Beomgyu was floored to say the least. As always, your way with words was so intricate and amazing that he could do little else but read in awe. Something about it irritated him, though. This felt too.. Intimate. Not for his eyes. He knew he was invading your space, yes, but this felt too personal, even for you. You were always so reserved, keeping your emotions hidden and to your chest. Beomgyu prided himself in being able to read you better than anyone else, and yet.. These words. This song you wrote, these lyrics hit too close to home, somehow. He pushed on, but something nagged at the back of his mind that if he continued, things between the two of you would fundamentally change forever. It was a stupid thought, anyway, so he pushed it aside.

“Don't want to say something wrong

Don't want to be weird

But if you're still in love with her

I think that I’ll leave it there

And I won’t ever tell you this.”

The words felt like ice cold water washing over him, stinging and shocking him to his core. You were in love, weren’t you? It was obvious now that he reread the previous lines. You were head over heels. He should be happy for you, he knew that. He should be ecstatic that you could find someone to feel this way about, but that happiness never came. Instead, something raw and ugly clawed its way up his throat, causing him to push away from your desk and slam the door to your room. He didn’t know why he was acting this way. He didn’t care to know. Instead, he threw himself into anything and everything else, trying to rid your heartfelt words from his mind. You were in love, and all it did was piss him off. He completely forgot about his song, and completely forgot to close the tab he was on.

He spent the following few days in a bit of an angry haze. He was meaner. Rougher. you'd be shocked to see what he had become in the wake of his realisation. Part of him wanted to be ashamed of what he was turning into, but he couldn't find it in himself to give a damn. You were in love, he was dating someone, that was the end of it. So he took his anger out in a way he thought would aid him in keeping his priorities straight.

–

“Gyu, wait- slow down-!” his girlfriend cried, but it fell on deaf ears. He simply growled into her ear and gripped her hips in a bruising hold. He was being too mean, he knew that, but he didnt care. Her voice was starting to irritate him. It didn’t sound right. Her moans didn’t sound as pretty as they did before. This knowledge made him hiss and move harder, fuck her faster; Shoving her head into the pillows to muffle the moans that he usually loved to hear.

“Shut the fuck up, whore. You’ll take what I give you,” he spat, fingers tangling in her hair, shoving her face harder into the pillows as he continued to plough into her. She was using your nickname for him. He knew why she was doing it, wanting to exert some sort of power over you in your absence. It made him scowl, but it wasn't enough to make him stop.

It didn’t matter, in the end. It didn’t matter how often he fucked her. It didn’t matter how many surfaces of your shared apartment that he did it on. It didn’t even matter when he did it in your bed. The rage gripped his heart, unrelenting, leaving a foul taste in his mouth. Maybe he was sick in the head for this, for trying to wash you out of his life. He shouldn’t be acting this way. He knew he shouldn't be. But he couldn't help himself. He couldn't stop the anger from pushing him beyond his usual limits, turning him into something unrecognisable.

It was the day before you were supposed to come home, and he was exhausted. He supposed that the rage-induced fuckfest he found himself in was just his way of blowing off steam. It was fucked up, it was childish, and he was finally coming down from it.

Kinda.

He had the sense to break up with his girlfriend by now, thank god. It was a rough affair, full of screaming matches and scathing words. She was furious, of course. Not that Beomgyu cared. She was going off on a tirade about you, but he was only half-listening. Something about how she was better than he deserved, that she would get him back for this, that he was a jerk. He just kept staring somewhere beyond her ear, waiting for her to be done. Then she made a horrible mistake.

“Its them, isnt it?” Her words were enough to finally knock Beomgyu out of his trance. His gaze sharpened, zeroing in directly on her face.

“What?” He questioned, though his words felt too sharp, too dangerous. If she had any sense, he thought, she would recognise his words as the warning it was and leave it alone. Alas, she was just as dumb as he expected.

“Your roommate. They’re doing this. They’re the reason, aren't they? That bitch-” Before she could get any further insults out, Beomgyu had her by the throat.

“Shut the fuck up.” He almost grinned when she finally had the sense to look scared. He was seething. No one insulted his friend. You were more than just his roommate, you were his best friend. You were his one constant companion, his soulmate. Who was she to get in the way of that? Who was she to insult you; in front of Beomgyu, no less? Was she that fucking stupid?

He had backed her up to the front door, all the while she was spewing apologies and blubbering through her tears. He didn’t care. He stopped caring a long time ago. He only cared about you, he knew that now. He didn’t know how he had ever forgotten it. How could he have forgotten how perfect you were? How could he forget that he only had you?

It wasn't until after he had slammed the door behind her that he finally took a deep breath. It was over. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t feel much about it. She was just a distraction, really. You were his focus. You were always his focus. How stupid was he that he had lost sight of that?

The silence of the apartment rang in his ears painfully. It was taunting him, reminding him of the absence of you. He once again found himself entering your room with little memory of having walked to your door. Here, he could find some semblance of peace. Here, he could delude himself into thinking you were still here; that he could still smell you, feel you, hear you. He glanced at your computer, knowing it was still open to that document. His heart ached in his chest, jealousy eating him alive. How could you love someone else? How did you have the time to? He was almost always with you–

Except he hadn't been, had he? No, he had been too busy with his girlfriend– ex-girlfriend. He felt his chest cave in. You did have time to fall in love with someone. He had nearly done the same. He was such a hypocrite. How could he be angry with you for doing the same thing he did?

He frowned, hand shaking as he moved the mouse to wake your computer screen. He knew your password by heart, typing it in with nimble fingers and bated breath.

“Oh, ‘cause to tell you is too scary

So i’ll just say something else

Like how was fall semester?

And what was that song about?

I’ll try to hide the way I feel, But i’ll just want to shout

Oh, what do I have to lose right now?”

As he read the chorus again, something tugged at his brain. Something was so familiar about it. Even the pre-chorus felt.. Off. What was he missing? He read it and reread it, but nothing popped out to him just yet.

Then something on the screen flickered. His heart lept in his chest, eyes bulging as he watched a different coloured cursor begin to type out words. You were writing this right now. You were abroad, in some other country and yet he still shared this with you. It was almost enough to convince him that you hadn’t left at all, that you were still right here with him. If he focused hard enough, he could almost hear you typing, fingers flying over the keyboard in a flurry of movement like always.

“I think that I should probably tell you this

In case there is an accident

And I never see you again

So please save all your questions for the end

And maybe I’ll be brave enough by then.

Well, maybe I won’t ever say whats in my head

No, I won’t have to say anything

You’ll say it instead.”

That last line haunted him. It echoed in his head over and over. “You’ll say it instead”?

At first, the realisation hit him slowly. Pancakes for dinner, wanting to know what his song was about, being in love with his ex.. You were writing this song about him, weren't you? All these things lined up a little too well with the experiences he shared with you. Then it hit him all at once.

The person you were in love with was him, right? You were in love with him. Your best friend, your roommate, your soulmate. If Beomgyu was shaking beforehand, he was trembling like a leaf, now. This whole time, he was acting out and seething, he spent almost the entire time you were gone in a fit of rage, when in reality he was jealous of himself. He felt both giddy and ashamed. If only he had stayed a bit longer last time he was reading your lyrics. If only he had patience, he would have seen. He would have known that he was the object of your desires this whole time. He felt foolish, embarrassed–

But none of that mattered now. No, what mattered was that you were on your way back to him. What mattered is that you were coming back, and he was never letting you go again.

–

The plane ride back did little to calm your nerves. You had a decent time away, you supposed, but it wasnt the relaxing get-away you were hoping for. You spent the whole time fighting the urge to pick up your phone, wanting nothing more than to fall into the familiar comfort of hearing Beomgyu’s voice in your ears, the dulcet tones smoothing over every frazzled nerve you had. But no, you had to steel yourself. Moving on meant limiting contact.

Beomgyu was like a drug. The more you took of him, the more you relied on his presence, his voice, his touch, his smile. Everything about him was addictive, and you needed to quit. You’d never survive if you stayed so pathetically dependent on him. Quitting cold-turkey almost broke you. Scratch that, It did. It ruined you. You spent the first few days away sobbing into the hotel bed’s pillows, phone safety tucked away in your purse. You promised yourself you would try to find closure.

He loved someone else, plain and simple. You had to move on, not just for your sake but for his. How uncomfortable would he be if he found out about your feelings? Would he think you were disgusting for misunderstanding his actions? For creating this scenario in your head about the life you wished to have with him? Oh, god.. What if he found out about your stories? What if he knew what you wrote about? The scenarios you wove with him in mind were not something you ever wanted him to see. He could never know. He will never know.

You closed the document app on your phone, leaning your head against the window of the aeroplane as a sigh tumbled from your lips. They were bitten and gnawed beyond belief, a habit you had recently picked up as you tried to shove Beomgyu from your mind. The song was your last-ditch effort at putting your feelings from your mind. Maybe if you admitted it out loud, you could move on. Acceptance is the first step, or something like that. You closed your eyes, trying to imagine how the reunion was going to go. Should you move out? Maybe it would be best. The idea of being further separated from Beomgyu made your chest clench painfully, making you shake your head. No, you couldn’t do that. You weren’t strong enough to make that large of a step, even if it was what would save you.

If leaving Beomgyu meant your doom, you would accept your fate with open arms.

–

He was exactly where you expected him to be, standing at the terminal and waiting for you. Though, you knew it wouldn’t take any real effort to pick him from a crowd. You only ever saw him, anyways.

Before you could say anything, his eyes met you and you swore time stood still. Neither of you moved for a few long moments, just staring at each other in awe. Seeing him again, seeing the way his eyes lit up when he saw you, made all your self-respect fly out the window. All the work you had put in during your trip had been knocked down in an instant. How could you ever think you’d be anything other than his? It was written in your DNA, you belonged to Beomgyu, whether he knew it or not. That was your fate. He was your fate, no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

Then the moment broke, and you were being twirled around in a bone-crushing hug. Beomgyu was nosing eagerly at your neck, taking in your scent first-hand instead of your room. He sighed against your skin.

“You’re home,” he breathed, sounding dazed. You understood the feeling, nodding dumbly as he set you down on the linoleum again.

“I’m home,” you affirmed, looking up at him. His hands never left your waist. Normally, you'd have no problem with it but you knew this feeling of greed was wrong. Your hands pressed gently against his chest in a weak effort to push him away. Your heart wasn’t into it. “You have a girlfriend, Gyu, hands off.” Beomgyu scoffed, face hardening at the mention of her.

“Ex,” he corrected, staring down at you with an intensity that had your stomach tensing. “Ex-girlfriend.” He clarified, hands staying firmly planted on your waist. You swore you could feel his thumb stroking your side gently, but you were sure it was just your imagination.

“Oh..? Are you okay–” You couldn’t get any further words out, not when his lips pressed to yours like that. You froze, muscles stiffening under his hold. He paid it no mind, continuing to kiss you senseless. When you finally began to relax against him, he pulled away. Your eyes were wide as saucers, staring up at him as you fumbled for words. “I– you– what–?”

“I’ll say it instead,” He began, sounding just as breathless as you did. When you looked at him with confusion, he just laughed. “That love song I was writing was for you. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was. It was always going to be for you. I make you pancakes for dinner because I know you don't like candies, but still crave something sweet at night. I bring your favourite coffee to you before your classes because I love the way your eyes light up when you realise I memorised your order. I’ll say it instead, because I want you to know that I love you. I’ve always loved you, I think. I just never knew until I thought I had already lost you.”

Your head was spinning. He wasn’t giving you any room to breathe, instead he pressed his forehead to your own, hands moving up to hold your face in a gentle grip.

“You love me too, right? You wrote that for me, yeah? God, please say yes–” This time you were the one cutting him off with a kiss, pressing so fervently into him that his eyes rolled back into his head. This was everything he ever needed and never knew he wanted. He loved you, he would say it every day, every hour. He would be sure to remind you all the time so you never forgot. He needed you more than anything in his life.

“Yes.” You breathed against his mouth before diving right back in. With a single word he knew; he was yours, now and forever.

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