#but then following his motivation i ended up working with the railroad again as a means to finding the institute
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blookmallow · 5 months ago
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anyone else get major "buzz lightyear before the character development" vibes from paladin danse. ad victoriam and beyond
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Uneven numbers for the writer ask :)
1: Do I listen to music when I write?: Yes! Nothing put me in the mood like a good symphony or railroad song
3: Computer or pen and paper?: It depends. Computer for bigger projects, but most of the time, I prefer a good notebook
5: How much writing do I do on an average day?: 1500 words on a good day, most of the time I do about 500-1000 words daily
7: Standalone or series?: Sometimes standalone, sometimes series. If it's a short story, I'm more likely to do a sequel. But standalones are better imo
9: Current WIP: I'm writing a novel! It's a large project, (with my ocs in it) so I often take time to work on smaller works.
11: Books and/or authors that influence me the most: Clive Cussler! My father introduced me to his books a while back, and I love their writing style!
13: Describe my writing process from idea to polished: Oh boy. Usually, I'll get an idea, and I'll write it down along with all the details/characters that come to me in the moment. Next, I formulate a plot by coming up with important plot points and building around them. I don't map everything out, so somethings just come to me as I write. One thing though, that I always map out is the story's ending, so that I know hat will happen and can tie everything up better. After the first draft is done, I look over it for spelling/grammar mistakes, fix plot holes, etc. Then after that, I make sure that it's formatted correctly. After that, I'm done!
15: How do I deal with writer's block?: I let the work sit for a bit, and then come back to it later with a renewed vision. Sometime's I'll brainstorm new plot points or details.
17: What writing habits/rituals do I have?: Every day, when I sit down to write, I always get a piece of chocolate, and a nice cup of tea, and i have my notebook ready
19: How do I keep myself motivated?: "This is some seriously wacky shit, but someone will want to read it."
21: Who is/are my favorite characters to write?: Dee Havermeyer and Pavlov Livitchsky are my favorite characters to write! I also quite enjoy writing Reginald and Charles
23: Favorite author?: Clive Cussler will always be one of my most favorite authors. He created some an wide (and very interesting) array or characters! I am also a huge fan of Jules Verne His stories are so creative and adventurous!
25: Favorite part of writing: The freedom it grants!
27: Favorite line/scene: "I'll shoot a man for money, but I'll meddle around in his business for free" said by one of my villains, Charles Bixby
29: Favorite villain: shgllhflfhgdsljjklhdgskj can't believe I have to choose a favorite villain. The villains are always one of the most important parts of my stories. It's tough but I'd have to say either Mattias Calvin (corrupt law) or Charles Bixby (Disney villain on steroids)
31: Least favorite part of writing: When I'm on a roll and suddenly I hit a brick wall, like I don't know where to go next. It's the worst.
33: Ever killed a main character?: Yes. :( It hurts. It most often happens in the historical fiction that I write.
35: What scene/story do I least look forward to writing: warning: spoilers. I might get my novel published one day (that's the end goal) but at the end Dee has to watch his father die and turns his friend over to the corrupt law because he deems that friend responsible. Even though Dee isn't a real person, it just hurts me to have to put him through such trauma like that. :(
37: First sentence of your current WIP: "Well Reggie? What'd you find?" God I love these two
39: Weirdest character concept I've had: Goodness, let me think on that! I'd say Pavlov Livitchsky. Ukrainian farmer who's also a secret agent? Who would think of it!
41: Any advice for new/beginning writers?: Writing can be frustrating sometimes. This scene doesn't work, your characters aren't doing what they're supposed to, it all happens! Always make sure to look back into previous chapters to fix things up, or to find something that you want to reference again. Researching and worldbuilding is important, but don't spend too much time infodumping!
43: What to do if/when your characters don't follow the outline: it happens often. Sometimes I make improvements to my characters so they fit better, or I don't have an outline at all and just go with the flow :)
45: How much worldbuilding do I do?: Depends on the situation. If it's historical fiction, not much is needed. If it's an alt-history/fantasy/sci-fi, than much more is needed.
47: Best way to procrastinate: "I have written exactly one (1) good sentence today, and that's good enough."
49: What character would I most like to be friends with, if they were real?: Dee :)
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klaineharmony · 5 years ago
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Fic boosting/comments thread
Hi everyone - 
I’m feeling a little lonesome tonight because Spouse is away on a work trip, and I am not feeling 100% (Spouse is also super sick with a sinus infection, sadly), so I was trying to think of something nice to do that would let myself and my fic writing followers boost their work and get some feedback.
Let’s do this: What are your top three fics that you wish people would comment on? Reblog and include fandom, description, and why comments would help you as a writer. Provide links, then tag your favorite writers so they can play, too. :) No limits on how many people you tag! This is all about helping people share their work and gain motivation. And this way we all have more to read! I will reblog all of you who provide links to your stories. :)
Right now, these are the three fics I would love to get comments on:
A Warbler’s Reunion -  Glee fandom. When Wes and David plan a Warblers' ten-year reunion and ask Kurt and Blaine to sing, the two Broadway stars know their friends are scheming. They decide to do some scheming and plan some surprises of their own.
This is my oldest WIP, y’all. I started it just after the second season of Glee finished, and I only have half a chapter left to write! It has Klaine, and Niff, and Sebastian with one of my OCs (Colin), and David and Mercedes! I love this story, but it has just been a struggle to finish it. So many early Dalton tropes. :)
Sweet Summer Music - Newsies fandom. Sarah Jacobs left her hometown of New York to pursue the career of her dreams: becoming a professional cellist. After graduating from the New England Conservatory, she became the second chair cellist for the Boston Symphony Orchestra.In Sarah’s third year with the BSO, the symphony once again goes to its summer home at Tanglewood in Lenox, MA, where Sarah’s brother David and his husband Jack run the hottest new art gallery in the Berkshires. When a beautiful arts and music critic from The New York Times shows up for the BSO’s opening concert, Sarah finds herself hoping for things she thought she’d given up on years before. Can she and Katherine find happiness together?
This is another story that I adore, for the only f/f pairing I have ever fallen in love with. I have two or three chapters left, I think, and this story has everyone grown up, in their thirties, and dealing with some pretty adult struggles - but with lots of love. I have ideas for the last few chapters, but they haven’t coalesced into a really solid plan.
We’ll Be There to Defend One Another - Newsies fandom. Sarah Jacobs is in love with Jack Kelly. She knows (though she shouldn't) that her brother David is also in love with Jack. Katherine and David love each other, too, in their own way. With Katherine's help, Sarah is going to make sure everyone gets to be happy.In other news, Jack and David uncover a conspiracy against the railroad unions, Katherine finds a new story in a familiar location, and Sarah finds herself drawn into the work of the International Ladies Garment Workers Union.(Or, the fic in which the author has historical notes at the end, and tries her best to explain the complexities of marriages and same-sex relationships in the 1900s - while also letting her characters push the boundaries of said relationships.)
Oh, my. What do I say about this fic, except that I pour my heart into it, every time I manage to write a chapter? (And it is long. And it is polyamorous. And the chapters are filled with historical notes. And these characters make me cry with how much they love one another. And this fic is everything I ever wanted from a sequel for this movie/musical that has wound its way around my heart.) 
Tagging many people! Share with all of us! :) @vividstitch, @whatstheproblembaby, @queenofbrooklyn, @honeysucklepink, @chriscalledmesweetie, @caramelcoffeeaddict, @lilyvandersteen, @jackabelle73, @hkvoyage, @lady-divine-writes, @rthstewart, @syrena-of-the-lake, @edenfalling, @elozable, @radioactivepigeons, @penzyroamin, @livingchancy, @captainlordauditor, @rudeflower, @cinnamon-t, @safarikalamari, @dont-stop-believin-in-klaine, @blurglesmurfklaine, @wordshakerofgallifrey, @slayediest, @elwinglyre, @grlnxtdr30
Anyone I missed, it was not intentional, and you are welcome to join in! :)
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becomewings · 4 years ago
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I feel Taehyung is going to get invoved in the whole time travel thing with seokjin as he is the closest to knowing what is happening and also his dreams. What do u think?
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Note: the following refers to fictional characters and events in BTS Universe.
Interesting idea! While I do think it’s in the realm of possibility that TaeHyung will be the first, or one of the first, to figure out what is happening with the loops, I personally don’t think it’s as likely that he will directly assist SeokJin’s time traveling. This is, in part, because I’m not sure if the “gift” of remembering the previous loops can extend to anyone else (beyond the dreams and fragments haunting TaeHyung and a few of the others), but also mostly because I don’t believe that SeokJin will openly allow for his help.
From the beginning, SeokJin has guarded his secret carefully. The Save Me webtoon presents SeokJin’s (many) early attempts at saving his friends. He tries to fix everything himself and fails when events keep spiraling out of his control, sparking his friends’ suspicions along the way. By the time loop(s) presented in The Notes 1, SeokJin has determined that he must guide his friends to save each other, essentially manipulating them from the shadows whenever possible. When he learns of TaeHyung’s nightmares that contain visions of previous failed loops, he does not take the opportunity to explain himself.
“Several days ago, he came to me and asked me about the dream he’d been having. ‘You know what it means, right?’ He pressed me for an answer, but I acted like I didn’t know. I said, ‘How could I know? It was just a dream.’ TaeHyung got upset and turned away. It wasn’t completely a lie. I didn’t know why TaeHyung had been having such a dream. But I did know how brutal it was. That’s why I couldn’t tell him the truth.’ — SeokJin, 22 May Year 22. The Notes 1.
SeokJin intends to confess something that night at the seaside cabin, but TaeHyung interrupts to demand if he’s talking about ratting them out to the principal and causing YoonGi’s expulsion. It’s unclear if this is the high school event SeokJin meant to confess, though he does acknowledge it as true. But when TaeHyung continues pressing him to reveal what else he is hiding, he refuses to yield any more information and a fight ultimately breaks out between them. (For more on that moment, see my latest post Rift.)
That is only one version of May 22. In an earlier variation, we know that TaeHyung jumps from the observatory platform into the sea before they make it to the cabin. Thanks to the choose-your-own adventure style Notes 2 excerpts posted on the official Smeraldo Books Twitter account from late July to early August, we now also know that there is another version in which TaeHyung follows SeokJin up the observatory. The wind on the tower seems strangely familiar to TaeHyung, and he almost tears up at the sight of SeokJin’s cold face. Per the audience’s popular vote, he decides to ask if SeokJin is helping them.
“‘I know you’re helping us. I don’t know how. I can’t explain it.’ I went on and on about awful things that nearly happened to us and how mysterious coincidences took place right before those horrible events to prevent them from happening. SeokJin pushed me away and said, ‘I don’t need anyone’s help, and I don’t help anyone.’” — TaeHyung, 22 May Year 22. The Notes 2 (SB excerpts: #3A, posted Aug. 2020).
I don’t want to dive into too many more details about SeokJin’s development because I’m tentatively planning a post for after I’ve read The Notes 2, but I’ll add briefly that it’s become apparent in the more recent album-released Notes (and now these Notes 2 previews) that these countless failures and repetitions are taking a toll on him. SeokJin’s motivations seem to have gradually twisted from saving his friends to self-preservation, particularly due to new knowledge of an accident that apparently has happened—will happen—on September 30. To me, this does not sound like a SeokJin willing to accept anyone’s help to reach his goal.
“I could only think of one thing: stopping the accident on September 30 and ending the loop. I was only moving toward that goal. Even if there was a problem with that process, or if someone was hurt or alienated, I couldn’t do anything about it. If I let myself linger on or be overwhelmed by those things, I would never achieve my goal. Even more important than saving everyone was that I myself was able to survive and escape. That was the lesson that the endlessly repeating loop had taught me.” — SeokJin, 11 April Year 22. The Notes: 7. Translation cr. @origamifirefly tw.
To wrap up, let’s consider TaeHyung's perspective. He is plagued by nightmares and visions of violence enacted onto others and by himself. He may have the best intentions for finding the answers to this mystery, but like SeokJin faces his own share of setbacks. His failures often drive members of their friend group apart (for example: they all go their separate ways after he fights SeokJin on May 22). And like the others, he participates in the lack of communication that harms them all.
But there is hope. Thanks to another entry from MotS:7, we do learn that TaeHyung and NamJoon have finally reunited by midsummer, as they have spent several weeks as of July 18 searching for something or some place in Songju based on signs from TaeHyung’s dreams. Since it came from one of his dreams, it is likely that they’re investigating something connected to the time traveling—whether they suspect that is what’s happening yet or not. I’m excited that these two found their way back to each other, but I’ll leave you with one last thought: they will never break free of the loop until they are all working together. Particularly in the case of TaeHyung’s search, another friend may have already had the answer. Because this is not the first time we’ve heard of a clover symbol like he saw in his dream:
“‘Did you find it?’ I drew closer to JiMin and asked. ‘Find what?’ JiMin sounded confused. ‘Your house.’ JiMin nodded. ‘I grew up in the orphanage right there.’ I pointed to a place beyond the railroad. ‘Do you see the supermarket in the direction of the river from the gas station where NamJoon works? Do you see the clover-shaped neon sign behind it? The orphanage is to the left of that neon sign. I lived there for more than ten years.’” — HoSeok, 16 May Year 22. The Notes 1.
Thank you again for submitting your question! This was fun to think about, and I hope it inspired some new ideas for you all too! If anyone has any additional questions, either about this topic or some other aspect of the BU, please send them in!
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theinnerhalf · 4 years ago
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2019 in Review: Highlights
Making a venture back into writing again with this “year in review”. I guess I’m slightly less damaged than I was last year and have finally built the courage to write about how this year was for me, even some dark times included. Thank you 2019, for not much, but I guess thank you. A “fuck you” would be more appropriate but regardless, I’m grateful. Let’s do this. 
January 2019
An extremely slow start to the new year, as it usually is when it comes to me. My January’s tend to be bleak, gray, and cold especially considering the coming down from a constant holiday high. I spent this first month with friends I could call my family, regularly going out as much as we could while the two military guys (EJ and James) are here for the time being. In this month as well, I got to finally meet up with my ex who I can now proudly call a friend. Diana and I were able to catch up extensively to make up for all the lost time, talking about things like how we’ve been, the changes, the constants, and occasionally reminiscing. I know I’ve felt at peace before already, for having her back into my life rather than staying a bittersweet memory, but getting to catch up like this was a whole other type of joy I didn’t know I needed. As for the picture of the pants, I finally made the decision to buy a pair of jeans that I wanted soooo so bad from one of my favorite designers. 
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February
Goodness...Where do I even start for this month?...Like January, February for me is usually bleak. Regardless it being a month for “love”, it sucked. Maybe the worst for me in the year. The start of this month wasn’t all too bad though! There was a fashion show that Celine was walking/modeling for held at Rice University in order to celebrate Asian cultures and Chinese New Year. The show overall was alright...I guess it was just nice to be out supporting Celine and whatnot. I thought this month would at least provide a break for me, but just five days later, my grandma was sent to the ICU after suffering from a stroke...It happened so suddenly...Celine and I were at an outing when the two of us came back to my place and ran into my dad who was leaving in a hurry. He had a lost look on his face, as well as panicky and shifty eyes. He broke the news to us and had the sinking feeling in me hit so fast. The next thing I know, we’re at the hospital waiting room, anxiously waiting to be briefed with (hopefully) good news. I remember disassociating when the doctor had finally came to us, thinking that this really couldn’t be happening...not to us...not to my dad. I remember thinking that this isn’t fair...We literally had just gotten her into our lives’ and now we’re losing her. 
We spent the following week trading stays at the hospital between my siblings and cousins. I can’t remember the proper psychology term for the feeling of false hope and security for an event that seems to be too horrible to be true, but that was what I had felt for the entire time. There’s no way that my family could lose our grandma like this...and not this soon. Just a day before my grandma’s stroke happened, she was asking when my younger sister and I were going to get married. The two of us looked at each other like, “What the fuuuu--? Where is this coming from?” My grandma explained shortly after that she felt as if she didn’t have much longer for her time here with us, and that she wanted to have the honor to make the dresses and suits for Lacel’s or my wedding. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how cruel and merciless the world could be, but also at the same time, that I should’ve known better and that I should be used to this...I should be but I would rather not. I think it was after a week and a half where I found that my grandma would be transferred to a hospice. My family had told me this and I was under the impression that hospices were for people who had recovered enough that they don’t need to be in a hospital but still needed professional caretakers. I told this to Andrew and Quin and they both shared painful and shocked expressions with each other. I asked why they were looking at each other like that and then they broke it to me that hospices were for people who didn’t have much time left. I remember crying in front of them that day during work.
Virginia Barreda passed away, February 19, 2019. My family grieved separately and in different ways. I slept off the entire day...The picture of the room was how my grandma left the room right before she was taken to the hospital and was left untouched for the entire duration of the situation. I embarrassingly and shamefully made a gofundme to help raise money so that my family and I could attend her final farewell back home in the Philippines. I thought it wouldn’t get anywhere...but my heart...I was so surprised to see the amount of love and support that friends and even strangers had decided to put out, and I was touched beyond anything I had ever expected. A big thank you to those who donated and have come across this post by any way. You have my sincerest gratitude and even with that, I cannot thank you enough. 
To end the note on a positive note at least, Celine and I hit one year at the end of this month. Amazing. 
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March
My family and I were in such a weird head space entering this month. There was a lot of recovering to be made and coming out of the state of denial from my grandma’s passing. It was like a new chapter of our lives abruptly opened itself onto us and we all did not know how to proceed. My dad was stressing out over medical expenses and how we were going to afford to bring the entire family to Philippines for my grandma’s final resting place. I did my best to keep the gofundme a secret from him, because knowing my dad, he would not accept the money under any condition. He only came to find out about it because some of his friends and relatives came across it, donated, and then told him about how sentimental and touching my gofundme passage was. He just asked why, and I regrettably said that it was because we were struggling out here and all I wanted to do was help. After some convincing with the help of my two sister’s, my dad accepted the help and agreed that we can now at least afford to take my dad for the initial ceremony while the rest of us would follow-up, hopefully in the summer or late 2019. 
The first picture in this month’s set is of the Pieta in Italy, taken by Lacel. Lacel was on a two week school trip, while in the second picture is the view my dad had while his two week stay in the Philippines. Both my older sister and I stayed at home while envying our dad’s and Lacel’s experiences. Their trips only served as motivation for me to save up a lot more for Japan and I really wanted to make that happen no matter what. Even if it meant me going alone, I was ready to accept it. 
The following pictures of Lacel are when they came back from Italy and celebrated their two years of being clean/no relapses. I know I rarely ever let it be known, but I really do care and love my younger sister a lot, and to see them make it this far in the span of two years meant so much to me. I’m glad that my family was able to celebrate that milestone in Lacel’s life because it was definitely quite the journey. The last photo is of my car’s fourth brake light functioning again with Travis’ help and was fixed just in time for the long drive to Marfa. 
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April
Really, the only one significant highlight for this month, which I am incredibly excited to share, was the moderately spontaneous trip I took out to Marfa, Texas with Yentl. I do have to say, the two of us were quite ambitious for taking on this trip by leaving Houston around 12am shortly, after grabbing oh my gogi and some boba. With the help of a trenta iced coffee, I was able to knock out 6 hours of the 8 hour drive. While the drive was a lot of fun, I started getting really sleepy around the 4 hour mark but it started raining extremely hard after we had passed San Antonio. I was so reluctant to switch over to Yentl driving because I had been losing traction every now and then. It was only until the sun rose that we finally had passed the rain. I shortly knocked out after the switch.
I woke up to Yentl ecstatically saying, “We’re heeeeere!” I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded, forgetting that daytime was a thing. But from the short time my eyes were open, I saw a railroad and buildings styled from days of the past. I fought to keep my eyes open only to tell myself, maybe five more minutes. As soon as we parked, Yentl and I took the opportunity to walk around.The weather was pleasant, not too hot and not too cold either. The humidity that seems to be a pestering presence in Houston was nowhere to be found in Marfa, so the daytime stroll was bliss. The two of us checked out Marfa’s welcome sign, the city hall (only from the outside because it was closed), a couple of local shops and art galleries, and the hotel Paisano, a hotel best known for having a movie shot in it. 
All the walking had made us hungry...That and the only thing inside of us were boba and caffeine. Yentl and I checked out a place called Aster’s that was primarily a breakfast joint recommended to us by a person working at the welcome center. We both got an egg’s benedict. Me with a lemonade, and her an iced coffee. After eating, we proceeded to go to our Airbnb located 30 minutes away at another small town called Alpine. The Airbnb’s neighborhood was located in some rural area with cliffs surrounding it all. The Airbnb itself was a small and cute place that was divided into just three small parts: the bedroom, living room, and a bathroom. Yentl and I freshened up, put on the new fits, and made our way back to Marfa.
Headed back, we decided that we would first go see the outlandish Prada store located in the middle of the desert. The Prada store itself is a permanent art installation by artists Elmgreen and Dragset, built with the concept of using biodegradable materials so that the art installation could eventually return and be reclaimed back to Earth as all things eventually do. The drive to Prada, Marfa was an unexpectedly longer drive than I thought. It was a non-stop view of your textbook Western landscape...Desolate, scattered with ordinary desert shrubbery, and one thing to set it apart, a lonely, silver blimp just casually floating at the wind’s mercy. 
When we finally arrived, it looked surreal to say the least. The building was so unexpectedly placed, yet at the same time, it wasn’t intrusive to the desert landscape. There were less people there than I had thought, which made it easier for Yentl and I to take the photos we wanted. What a pleasant oddity it was, I thought, to even drive eight hours just to see this left me with a sense of fulfillment knowing that this had been on my personal bucket list for quite some time.
The two of us made our way back to the city to kill some more time before it was time to see the mystery Marfa lights. We checked out a bookstore placed in the lobby of a hotel, wandered around the from one edge of the town to the other, checked out some more art galleries, and ate dinner at a local BBQ place. The sun was on the verge of setting so we headed to the viewing area that was located right beside the highway. We got there conveniently early and was able to secure a good parking spot as there was not even a designated parking lot. Yentl and I situated ourselves onto a bench with a clear view of the field. We both sat there in amazement of the sunset…layers on layers of colors dancing in the sky, almost a love letter to us from the sun itself, as it sank over the horizon, tucking itself in to say goodnight. The two of us couldn’t wrap our heads around the fact that we actually did this, an 8-hour drive to see some art and an unexplained natural phenomenon that happens in the desert at night. We really did this.  
The sky turned from its calm lilac tones to an enveloping darkness and what followed were gasps of oooooh’s and aaaaah’s. It was finally happening. We peered over the horizon, somewhat confused, and there it was. Beside a constant blinking red light, appeared the mystery lights, bobbing up and down inconsistently, disappearing and reappearing on a whims notice. Yentl and I watched in awe and pondered about the mysteries of life like, does the supernatural exist, are there aliens out there, and what does it truly mean to love? Apart from the mystery lights themselves, the stars overhead was truly a sight to take in. The indescribable feeling of being small while looking up at the stars happens to be a favorite sensation of mine, but only this time, I was overwhelmed by it. I found a completely empty bench to lay down on just to look up. It must have been the most relaxed I have been since forever and I never wanted the feeling to end…But as all good things do, it did. Yentl and I made our way back to our Airbnb after catching what seemed to be a UFO flying above us. Marfa truly was surreal.  
The two of us rested for the night, packed our stuff the next day, and made our way on the long journey back home.
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May
The start of this month initially started incredibly slow. Not much has been done aside from learning how to shoot better on film which I spent a lot of my time on. I would keep pestering my friends to let me use them as models and surprisingly, they agreed! The first three photos are just a few of the pictures taken. This was also the month that the restaurant I work at, Noon (previously known as Verts, also previously known as Vertskebap), had undergone the change to being Daphne’s Greek Mediterranean. The change allowed us to finally get tips trough credit cards and no longer just cash tips. This allowed me to leave my shifts with a lot more money in hand.
It occurred to me…with this I could finally make my Japan trip a reality…In the span of just a week, I was able to raise 100 dollars in just tips alone (I know this doesn’t sound like a lot, but this is a big difference coming from leaving work with no more than 50 cents to 5 dollars on a busy day). I decided that the tip money would be strictly set aside for Japan and Japan only. I thought at the rate it was going, a 100 dollars per week would be sufficient for a trip set out in October/November. The rough estimate was at least around 2000 dollars if I decided I would really stay true to my word and not touch this extra money.
In this month also, my little sister got their associates degree in art, which I am really proud of! They then decided that they would be continuing their education at the university of Texas at Dallas. The last picture is a picture of one of my favorite musicians, blackbear, taken at a concert for his DEAD 2 THE WORLD tour. It was my second time getting to see him perform live, and while he was not in the best health to perform my favorite song the way that he usually does, it was still quite the experience. I would be more than happy to see him perform live again, and hopefully in better health.
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June
Ahhh June. What better way to start of this month by getting into an accident…My neighbor ran into the passenger side door of my car while they were reversing and failed to see that I had already pulled out first. Extremely disappointing knowing how much my car means to me…What followed shortly after were series of looking for a trustworthy and affordable auto body and collision shop to do the work while being able to get covered by the person at fault’s insurance. Was honestly such a convoluted process and was so stressful that a part of me decided that maybe I would just leave and live with it. I ended up finding a shop called legendary auto and agreed to the other person’s insurance’s choice to only cover 80 percent of the costs because I allegedly had some “preventative measure” on stopping the collision from happening. Me, tired and not in the mood for a disagreement, agreed. I just wanted my car back to the way it was before.
The next highlight for this month was for an overnight camping trip I took out with my family and other family friends somewhere near Austin. It was a lot of fun! Everything was nearly perfect with the trip aside from the sweltering heat combined with a THICK humidity that made its dominance extremely clear. I remember there being so much good food…and with family friends that you’ve grown up with, there was never a shortage of people telling you to eat more when you just downed three plates of crawfish, bbq, and rice. There were boats and a tractor with a little tow for people to ride on in the back, a working NES system, a basketball court, playground, and an entire forest to explore. We spent our time playing card/board games, held a basketball competition, the dads versus the boys, a bonfire complete with smores, and a sad attempt at a Marvin’s room music video, complete with a hot tub and color changing lights.
Spending your time consistently outdoors resets your internal clock, and so by 9, everyone had started to get ready for bed. I remember being outside on the campgrounds and it being pitch black. Not being able to see past 15 feet in front of me at the most. One look at the sky in this setting and there was the full moon. Brighter than I had ever witnessed it…almost blinding to be honest. The older “kids” were cooped up in the RV designated for more kids to sleep in and were there playing monopoly deal. I joined in and found ourselves playing monopoly deal until 2am until I called it a night. I woke up the next day, sad to leave earlier than we’d have to because I had a shift at work to attend to even with all the begging I did with my other coworkers to cover for me.
As for the rest of this month’s highlights, I finally got the see the Van Gogh exhibit that was here at the Museum of Fine Arts. It was the most packed I have ever seen the MFAH in a long time and was glad that I was able to see Van Gogh’s work as art is always inspiring to me…Sad that the starry night wasn’t there but that’s alright. I also got to visit and hang out with Yentl this month during a trip I made to Dallas for Lacel’s scholarship interview. I haven’t seen her since our trip to Marfa and we got to talking about the Japan trip we’d be potentially taking out in the fall. We had Gyu-kaku (which she covered for like BRUH) and went over the possible itinerary that I had been researching for months now. As usual, it was always nice to see her, and I left Dallas feeling even more hopeful and motivated for the trip.
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July
After one long month, I finally got my car back in perfect condition! So exciting to see my car just the way it used to be…Marwan and the rest of his team over at Legendary auto have all my gratitude for doing a stellar job. Could not thank them enough. For this month also, my family and I visited Galveston for the 4th of July, mainly for a parade and pleasure pier. It was a really nice experience getting to spend a whole outing with my family which we aren’t able to do often considering how busy we all are. Even more so with Lacel going to school soon in an entirely different city the following month. As for the final highlight of this month, I got to catch up on life with Lexi as we talk about the occurrences of life and sometimes even the past and how much we’ve grown from it. Always an experience to see her and it’s so interesting to see how I get to hang out with her during my days in college when in high school, we weren’t all that close.
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August
I kicked off this month by helping my younger sister pack and move into their apartment in Dallas. We had to rent a car for all their stuff to fit because the 86 definitely was not able to carry everything that Lacel was bringing. It was a quick and pretty emotional ordeal, having one last dinner together as a family, and then having to say goodbye. I thought that would be the last time I would see my sister for a long time, but soon enough, I found myself making a trip to Dallas once a week for five weeks straight haha.
For the next highlight, it’s just a picture of me reveling in the fact that I had finally mustered the courage to go and change my major from nursing to journalism. I was shocked by how much easier it would’ve been for me to finish my associates if I had done this so much sooner. I found myself with only two more semesters, and maybe even just one if I had dedicated myself to just school. Also, in August, I had been unemployed for about two months prior. Shoutout to Daphne’s for pulling the rug from underneath my friends and I without any warning whatsoever. A double-edged sword might I admit, because while it left me unemployed suddenly, the closing of Daphne’s allowed to me find more opportunities and finally be free from the comfort of familiarity that the restaurant had provided me for about four years. Being in H-E-B made me realize how much I was missing out on such a good work environment. Everyone was absurdly and unbelievably nice…The customers in my H-E-B are also nothing compared to the customers I dealt with in food service and my goodness, it was such a nice change of pace. Happy to be here, cause after all, “here, everything’s better.”
For the last highlight of this month, Celine threw an e-boi/girl themed late birthday party. It was honestly really well set up, especially with the Airbnb and the vibes it had come with. They were constantly anxious about how their party would end up and I was always telling them that it would be a lot of fun! Which in fact, it did turn out to be a lot fun and it was so interesting to see everyone so dedicated to the theme of the party. Seeing Celine around a lot of the people they care about was really something, and to see them have such a fun and good time was all that mattered.
A little later into this month, Celine and I decided to end things on a mutual note. Things had been comfortable for a while, and while there may have still been feelings, things have stagnated…A lot…My mental health at this point of our relationship wasn’t anywhere close to where I’d want it and things haven’t been okay with me for a long time. I spent a lot of my time getting triggered over the past and my thought process started falling towards methods of self-destruction rather than dealing with things head on. I found myself either in a constant state of anger or depression over not knowing how to deal with the thoughts eating away at me. Had I waited any longer, I’m not sure what I would have done.
Sad as that may have been…It was ultimately for the better. At least I hoped it was…
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September
(Insert obligatory “Do you remember”) September was thankfully one of the better and more eventful months out of the year and kicked it off with Yentl’s birthday party. I remember making the 4-hour drive for the second year in a row just to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday. I arrived later than most and found myself in the middle of a really nice neighborhood where the Airbnb was located. Interesting, I thought. The area was devoid of streetlights with a lake nearby and made me hopeful that maybe a getaway like tonight could really take me away from all that was going on in my head. I’ll drink to that.
I shyly walked in, asking people where Yentl was. I was led to the kitchen where she was and found her already multiple drinks in. Received a tight hug from her and was cordially invited to start drinking haha. I told her that I’ll a eat a little bit, maybe get re-acquainted with everyone and the Airbnb first, properly settling in before I find myself trying to drown my demons lurking behind the corner, waiting to make themselves present in my conscience. I held my trusty detox water, comprised of lemon and limes, tightly, hoping it’d be my saving grace for this party. The objective for the night: Survive…But have a good time. I chatted up with people I haven’t seen in so long…probably since Yentl’s last birthday but I guess because of the vibes the party had, it felt incredibly easy to converse.
I made my way to the pool where everyone happened to be in the meantime. Too self-conscious to jump in so I just snapshotted everyone on film for the most part. Took the liberty and made myself the party’s personal photographer for the night. I went back inside to admire the Airbnb a little bit more or sneak a drink by myself but was ushered to take shots of someone’s personal tequila concoction. “I hate tequila”, I thought…but why not? The vibe was right and the goal was to get out of my mind one way or another. I downed it, regrettably. The burn of the tequila was reminiscent of the nights I spent uncoordinated, lacking self-control, and being passed out in a fetal position beside a toilet fighting for dear life. After recollecting myself after that shot, I was immediately handed another one while not realizing it. Everybody started bracing themselves for the shot, gathering their chasers and mentally preparing for the hit while I on the other hand, looked at everybody and the cup in my possession utterly appalled at the situation unfolding in front of me. Three…two…one…cheers.
After that, the rest of the night was a blur. There came I point where I nearly blacked out because my vision had nearly gone, but after two full servings of my detox water, I was all good to go. I spent the rest of the night just talking, occasionally grooving to Jayson’s live mixing, playing smash bros and leaving undefeated, making conversations, and trying my best to stay out of my head. The party had started to slow down so I went outside to sit by the pool with a glass of wine and admire the quiet and stillness of the night. The backyard overlooked a lake and I was reminded by how nice this Airbnb really was. The moon wasn’t out so it was extra dark and allowed for some reflecting on a couple things, like the break-up…maybe on how lonely I was feeling. I watched some ducks pass by and called it a night. I went back inside and saw Yentl passed out on one of the couches. Made sure she was okay, and we had a conversation about several things, like the break-up…and how lonely I was feeling. Eventually the conversation ventured onto more positive things like how nice this Airbnb is, how nice this party was, some unwanted drama that happened during this party, and the upcoming Japan trip.
After just spending a little more time with each other, and a disagreement on who would take the last bed and sleep on the couch, we said goodnight as she had declared I get the bed. Had to respect the birthday girl’s wishes, even when it was her who had paid for the entirety of this Airbnb…Not to disclose that information or anything, but it was a LOT. I woke up, surprisingly not hungover all thanks to the detox water. As much as I had wanted to stay for any further hangouts of the day, I had to leave for a shift at 2pm. I drove the four-hour drive back home hastily, only to find out that I wasn’t needed for work and that I could actually take the day off…Amazing. Thankful that I was able to attend the party in the first place and see Yentl at all.
The following highlight was a concert I attended in Dallas for the artist Aries’ Welcome Home tour and was a largely anticipated experience for both my younger sister and I. Aries had grown to be one of my favorite artists because of how new and refreshing his sound was. I also happened to find his music during a defining point in my life, specifically during a three hour mindless drive leading to nowhere and found myself halfway to San Antonio and has become the mood and aesthetic I had been living in for a quite a while now. Months prior, my sister and I had been listening to him constantly in preparation for this concert. My only concern was that since Aries is a smaller artist, the concert might only end up being more like a listening party rather than him actually performing. By listening party, I mean that his songs are playing in the background and is overpowering his vocals or that he’s not performing for majority of the time.
My sister and I arrived at the venue with the discovery of a line that wrapped around the entire block. The suspense was too real. The feeling of knowing that I just happened to stumble upon Aries from a YouTube video of him remixing a Post Malone song into a lo-fi one, to him suddenly having the anthem of the entire spectrum of my anger and the prolonging bitterness that dwelled inside me. His music is definitely a trigger, but in a different way. His music gets me angry but doesn’t drive me to a seething, blinding rage the way I see anything remotely related to skateboarding, tall fuckboys with curly hair, or the name Kevin (fuck you Kevin…fuck you!). If anything, his music was a testament to the three months of mental and emotional anguish I had undergone earlier in 2018. I was more than ready to yell my heart and lungs out to the lyrics, “fuck your friend, that man’s a bitch, probably wish I don’t exist”, and “Promise that I will stay out of reach, far gone, cause the shit still bothers me.”
The concert left me speechless by how much energy there was from the crowd, the hype man, and Aries himself. While it may only have been just over an hour, it was the most invigorating concert I have attended by far. Probably the most fun too. As Lacel and I headed out after taking pictures with the venue and our tour merch, we were suddenly told that Aries had came out to greet people. We rushed back in and just stayed around, somewhat awkwardly, casually standing by as fans took pictures with or of him. He was able to sign a piece of paper that Lacel handed to him and he left shortly after taking a big group picture with the fans that were present. We left soon after, put on his Welcome Home album to relive the concert in the car, and got lost driving around Dallas for maybe another hour to end the night.
The last highlight for this month was Quin’s birthday celebration that him and his closest friends organized. The initial plan was to pre-game at Marian’s place and then follow up by going out to Washington Ave. which is notoriously known for Houston’s night life scene. I arrived at Marian’s apartment for the pre-game, and even before I could greet anyone, a friend came by me with a bottle of Hennessy and started pouring some in my mouth. “So it’s gonna be that type of night”, I thought haha. I finally got around to greeting everyone including the birthday boy who was in the middle of taking a shot and was then shortly handed one to take alongside Quin and a handful of other friends.
We eventually made our way to Washington Ave. in different Ubers and arrived at Concrete Cowboy. The whole group lined up and waited for our turn to get in. As we neared the entrance, I pulled out my ID in anticipation as I’m used to being told that I don’t look older than 19 most of the time. The bouncer let my friends in but said something to me that I couldn’t quite make out over the music blasting from inside. I said excuse me, thinking like, hello…my ID is legit, I promise you I’m legal and this is a valid ID haha. “No air forces”, he said. “What?”, “No air forces…”, he repeated. Back to the line I went, astonished that this was even a problem in the first place. I received a bunch of texts from my friends asking where I was and exclaimed to them that I was denied access because of the shoes I was wearing. I went to the little fence that Concrete had and exchanged my air force 1’s with Andrew’s dress shoes and lined up once more.
Eventually that was all a waste because the group ended up leaving Concrete Cowboy…WITHOUT the birthday boy. We crossed the street to another club/bar that escapes my memory but this time around they let me in regardless of my shoes. Immediately, this was already better than the experience with Concrete, from the music, the general vibe, to how less packed it was. Ruben bought everyone two rounds of shots for some reason, and it really helped loosen everybody up. While the group was having a lot of fun in this bar, a handful of us felt guilty that we were having this much fun without Quin and decided we should go back to Concrete to go celebrate with the person this night was originally dedicated to. We left to go line back up across the street, only to find others that also separated from Quin to come join us over where we were at…We all found ourselves back in the same bar/club we just left haha.
Feeling guilty of admitting to this, but we were having an absolute blast at the place we were at. My friends and I ended up having the biggest floor presence and had even started a cypher with the occasional strangers jumping in who had actual dance experience as well. My friends and I shook hands and even made friends with these strangers after finding out we had mutual dance friends and connections to major Houston dance studios like soundbox and soreal. 2PM had finally snuck its way into the night and it was time to go back to Marian’s to regroup. We arrived at Marian’s apartment to find out that Quin had gotten shitfaced at Concrete Cowboy. Quin! The same Quin who took 20+ shots on his 21st birthday, just to be fully coherent, coordinated, and mentally sound to take care of other people rather than being taken care of. There he was, bent over the toilet, clutching it for dear life. It was an absolute sight to behold, and one we would never let Quin live down. It was finally our turn to take care of him, and as friends that love Quin, we were more than happy to finally get the opportunity to pay the favor back.
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October
My birth month. My favorite month too and well deserved so. October for me is the transition from the Hell that is Houston’s summer to those cool crisp Autumn afternoons. A transition from bright yellow and blue hues to the golden, orange, and amber tones that coincide with everything regarding the season of fall. Fall is Halloween. Fall is Thanksgiving. Fall is pumpkin picking and carving, apple pies, and the metaphorical dusk of the year, while interestingly sharing the same colors as a sunset. This month was surprisingly uneventful but was largely a pre-cursor for what was coming up in November: Yentl’s and my Japan trip.
The first highlight for this month was this photoshoot/hang out with fellow FRZ86 owners, Lily and Ray. I was meeting both of them for the first time and was excited that they both agreed to be models for further practice with my film camera. Really happy with how the shots came out, I felt ready for taking pictures in Japan and grew more confident in this new profound hobby. The following highlight for this month but not pictured for privacy reasons, was my approval for my travel visa. The news had me beaming. After days of gut-wrenching anxiety at the thought of refunding my airfare, the Airbnb, and all the plans just going to waste if I was not approved, the good news was a major sigh of relief. It had finally cemented the trip, and the only thing that was left, was to save as much as I can in this last month.
My money saving process for the rest of this month involved eating four slices of a day for lunch (only when I was at work), refusing to hang out, and reducing my eating out budget to just under 30 dollars. I was determined. My will power, incorruptible. I attended a hang out that involved eating, and I only spent my money on a drink. My savings were not going to be stopped…My birthday eventually came around and my family and I found ourselves in Dallas…for the second year in a row. I don’t remember exactly why we were celebrating MY birthday in Dallas just to hang out with my younger sister, but that’s just what went down. We went to Gen Korean BBQ for lunch, and followed up with boba (a must). We hung around a Kinokuniya for a little bit to kill time and were deciding on what we should do now. I just threw in that maybe we could stop by the Dallas galleria to just waste even more time, while in the back of my head, I had a burning desire to finally pull the trigger on something I’ve been wanting since the summer of 2017: a Gucci ghost ring.
I only mentioned my intentions to my younger sister because I knew my idea would be met with opposition and disappointment from my dad. After several times being asked why we had decided to go here, I mentioned that I was buying the ring, as a big gesture to myself for making it this far and as a final accessory to bring along to Japan for the outfits I had planned. Ran me back $250 dollars, but did I mind? Not one bit. So much for saving…haha.
To close out October, I departed for Dallas to pick up my sister and Yentl. The plan was to pick up Yentl from Dallas, drive back to Houston because that’s where we’ll be departing for Japan, have a layover BACK in Dallas, and after an 8-hour flight, arriving at Narita airport in Tokyo weirdly at the same time we had left from Dallas due to time zones. The plan sounds counterintuitive with the layover being in Dallas and all…but departing from Dallas added an extra 400 dollars to the airfare. It also worked because it meant that neither of us would have to make a 4-hour drive back home to our respective cities due to another layover in Dallas on the way back home.
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November
This month will have an entire separate post dedicated to Japan.
Enjoy these pictures for the meantime. 
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December
After Japan. I had spent the rest of November coming down from the high I had experienced from my vacation. I had to deal with the come down as well as the seasonal depression that comes along with the shorter days of Winter, despite always being fond of the season. It’s going to sound a little silly to admit, but things really did start to lose meaning. I had this goal of traveling to Japan for as long as I could remember, and it was finally fulfilled! The long workdays, forty-hour work weeks, the months of research and planning, and just everything I had been doing was for the sake of trip.
Not wanting to feel as if my life had lost meaning, I forced myself to get into the holiday spirit…Or at least I tried.  In the first highlight presented for this month was Travis’ Christmas present to me. A bunch of treats…and a gun. Yes, a gun. Looks like just a random assortment of food but in reality, has a ton of sentimental ties to it. As described by Travis himself, the honey buns were given because of one time we were in the campus cafeteria and I was craving honey buns. The campus was charging 2+ dollars for a single one and Travis was like, “Don’t waste your money here smh”, and told me he had spent just a little over a dollar for a multipack. The oreo thins were given because I had an obsession with oreos, the gummies because whatever, and the limon lays for a callback when Andrew, Travis, and I would have consecutive movie nights together on the summer of 2017 where we would pick our usual snacks from out midnight Walmart runs. Lastly, but definitely not least, the gun. Travis was concerned by how often I would go to so many places during the middle of the night and was also tired of being my personal protection considering he himself was armed.
The gifts left me speechless and admittedly, a little teary eyed by how thoughtful it really was. During the brief period of trying to take the moment all in, Andrew pulls out his very own and the entire room goes up in screams and laughter. Travis bought guns for the two of us! Unbelievable and entirely wild of him. I love that man to death.
The following highlight of the drink and the board game was when I finally had a first successful meeting from a connection I had on a dating app haha. Wooo Ral finally stepping out there after multiple awkward matches and getting ghosted on several platforms. The two of us met up in Dallas at a videogame restaurant bar thing, where we can eat/drink while playing on a console! Pretty cool idea and props to her for actually catering to what my interests were. Ended making a cool friend out of that meet up since. The rest of the following highlights were just more Christmas festivities such as, baking Christmas themed cookies, secret Santa with the OG5 + DJ, H-E-B white elephant Christmas party, and seeing Christmas lights with Jackie at the River Oaks neighborhood.
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Just like this year in review itself, I was so eager to get the year over and done with. 2019 seemed to be bad year for the world, myself included, but finishing writing this up in 2021…I only wish I had treasured the moments just a little longer, not knowing what I will be missing the following year.
P.S. If you’re just a person randomly coming through this, thank you for your time to scroll/read
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noctusfury · 4 years ago
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hi -- saw that you rb'ed a post from ao3commentoftheday and added your own two cents abt writing for a smaller audience, and i wanted to ask, if you don't mind: i started writing again last year 'cause i wanted to impress these big-shot fandom people and along the way, maybe befriend them. except one year later and that plan has spectacularly backfired in my face; to a point where i want to turn off commenting on all my fics so i won't be tempted to befriend anyone in fandom ever again 1/2
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Before I start, I’d like to say thank you, anon, for coming by and sending me this. You’re officially the first person to send me an ask. So thanks for that.
And I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. But let me ask you something: Are you wanting to gain their attention to make friends, or are you trying to get their attention for other reasons?
The thing is, the reason why one must write for one’s self, rather than for others, is because if you don’t, you’ll end up having a great amount of stress and get angry, anxious, frustrated, or depressed because you’re not supposedly fulfilling the goals that you’ve set up for yourself. I, for one, am one of those people. There are still days where I get mad because I squander many hours daily on procrastination and on social media, when I was wanting to write fanfiction. The fact of the matter is... readers are greatly understanding of the struggles that a writer has and won’t judge you or pressure you needlessly. 
And trust me, friend, there’s been days where I’ve spent hours daydreaming about how popular my stories will become and I’ll have my readers gifting me fanarts and fanfics based on them. The problem is that in order to get that, one must earn it. And in order to earn it, one must sit down and write to the best of one’s ability, whilst ignoring peer pressure that shouldn’t exist. Only when fanfics get written that one is able to attract people of like-mind as yours. And, if you’re blessed enough, the occasional fan comes by and loves your story or characters so much that they gift you with something. But you have to get your stories on paper first. lol XD
But at the end of it all, at the heart of the matter, it’s an ego and pride thing. Most people WANT to be recognized and praised for their stories. It’s natural. But at the end of the day, it’s fickle and leaves you empty. It’s like gorging yourself on chocolate and getting yourself high, only for it to go and you’re left with nothing but the wrapper and no chocolate left to eat. :’( So, as annoying as it may sound to hear the “write for yourself” speech (as it did me), there’s a good reason to listen to that advice.
Then there’s the fear of your stories not getting accepted because they’re about tropes or plots or characters or pairings that aren’t mainstream. (I actually have MANY story ideas that branch from the mainstream and there are times when I worry that they won’t be popular. Until I saw just how sorely the Fandom needed such content.) I mean, most of my “fanfics” are basically fanfic poetry — a genre few people are interested in. So I didn’t think that I’d get anybody. However, I’ve had a lot of people come by and comment how much they love them and there have been even a few that stated that they hated poetry because they usually weren’t written well, but after reading my poetry, they began to start liking poetry and even begin to have a love for it and urged me to keep doing it. That’s just one example.
Would you like to know how I overcame this?
1) I read fanfiction to learn what made a good fanfic, and what made a bad one. And what people liked or didn’t like. And I’ve learned a lot.
2) I made sure to leave long and quality reviews to authors I greatly liked.
3) I corrected my mindset and my goals and my motives.
Actually, if you’re looking to befriend “big-shot” authors, then simply going out of your way to send a nice PM or “ask me anything” message (like what you’ve done just now), or even a quality review. Never underestimate the power of a good review or PM. Don’t be surprised when you have a couple of “big-shots” come by and thank you and then all of a sudden you end up PMing each other and become good acquaintances if not good friends with that author. At the end of the day, they’re ordinary people like us — not gods. ;-)
There’s a good story that comes with that. I, myself, have had several instances where I’ve became good friends or acquaintances with popular authors by just the simple action of leaving a kind and quality and helpful review or a PM. Even had a couple from readers who liked my nonfiction for certain Fandoms. But oftentimes, I leave behind a really great review and then the author comes by and is just so grateful and then, without us knowing it, we grew to chatting and PM-ing each other and become great acquaintances or even friends. In fact, there was one such “big-shot” writer who, after reading my review, came to chat with me and eventually asked me to beta their updates, to which I agreed.
Cke1st, one of those authors whom I’ve become close with, was an author whom I had read almost since he first started writing fanfiction. First as a Guest Reviewer, and later once I had an account and followed him. If I remember correctly, I had sent him a PM to ask him a question concerning one of his stories, and then we eventually fell to chat and exchanged PMs. To this day, we’ve been good acquaintances, and I still read and re-read his works. And I am still writing him reviews and PMs when I get around to it.
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The thing that we must all keep in mind when wanting to interact with this “big-shot” writers is this: Do we want to be friends with them? For me, I was lucky in meeting people who had similar views and passions as I. But not everyone is like that.
An important and old saying that my mother had taught me growing up at an age when I struggled to make friends was “in order to have a good friend, you must BE a good friend.” The same applies here. If you’re wanting these authors to befriend you, you must make the effort to befriend them. If you’re wanting to establish a bond with them, then continue sending them PMs or reviews. Make the effort to communicate. If you feel like you don’t want to continue a conversation, then end it and move on to another one. Or if you just want to not be acquaintances or friends with that author, then stop PM-ing — or even reviewing if you want to go that far.
Also, be aware of time and commitment. How much time and commitment are you willing to invest in building a relationship with that author? How much time do you have to spare? How much time do you want to socialize versus writing your stories? We need to remember that sadly, as “big-shot” writers, they’re going to be busy — both with their stories and with their personal lives. So if they decide to befriend you, that’s a BIG compliment. And then, of course, there’s US — we also have to think about our own lives. But like with me and Cke1st, to reuse an example, there’s a lot of times where we start conversations and he decides to stop replying. I don’t take it personally, because I know that he’s trying to get writing done between his job at the railroad with psycho co-workers, on top of having a family of his own to take care of. I, myself, am busy at times, and thus aren’t able to review as often as I would like. Plus, health and energy are also contributing factors in my day-to-day life. 
And because these writers will be busy a lot of the time, it’s unlikely that they’ll be able to read your stories. A lot of writers end up being too busy to read fanfiction anymore, and not many are able to do both. I, myself, have had to drop reading fanfiction often in order to write fanfiction (which I fail and end up procrastinating and end up getting myself distracted with socializing). So if you DO end up having a big-name writer coming by to leave a kudos or even a review on your stories, then treasure it and make sure that you THANK the person!
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So, in conclusion, I would encourage you to keep writing and try your best, and write for yourself, or else it would be better for you to just remain a reader. If you still wish to attract people to your stories then make sure your writing is quality, that you take your time with it, use betas to help get second opinions and get your stories better, and breathe life into your stories. Trust me, a reader can SMELL and NOTICE when a writer isn’t taking their stories seriously and are being hap-hazard with it. They can even tell a writer’s motives just by how they write their stories or author’s notes.
So just be yourself. And be a good friend. And put yourself out there: leave a PM and/or a review, or offer a virtual “hey, how are ya, would you like to be friends” handshake. That is the only way to grow. :-)
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So sorry for this being so long, and I’m not sure if I’ve answered your question to your satisfaction or not, but I hope that this helps you. And thanks again, anon, for coming by and asking. That’s the first step. ^_^
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fyeahbatcat · 5 years ago
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Just finished Batman: Hush the animated movie. What are your thoughts on it?
Alright, everyone. Here we go:
Batman: Hush Movie Full review
To begin, as I’ve stated here previously, Batman: Hush is a very important story to me. It was the first Batman comic that I ever read many years ago. In the sixteen years since its original publication it has undergone at least nine different editions and is still one of the most recommended and critically praised Batman stories of the modern era. It was the starting point for many people in the Batman fandom, and I still believe that it is the most pinnacle story regarding Batman and Catwoman’s relationship. The fact that it’s still so influential, nearly twenty years later, in indicative of its importance and merit.
When DC Comics announced last summer that they were officially making Hush into an animated movie I was happy, but I cannot say that I was excited. This was due to unrelated factors that were happening simultaneous to its announcement that obliterated my faith in DC Comics as a whole. You can imagine my dismay when I learned that instead of creating a direct adaptation, in the same vein as Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns and Year One, they would be changing the story to fit in with their current New 52 inspired animated universe.
As anyone whose been following me for a while may have observed; I’m highly critical. I can usually find the good and bad in something and when I’m giving my take on things from my perspective it’s pretty fair and balanced. I was fully aware that the Hush movie made changes to the story and knew going in that I would have to temper my expectations, but I still gave it a chance.
Many will say that the film should be viewed on its own merit, and I generally tend to agree. If not held up to the book the movie is watchable and very easy to enjoy. But it’s an adaptation. An adaptation of one of the best and most popular Batman stories of all time. An ambitious and operatic year long event from Jeph Loeb, and one that I personally hold in the highest regards. Completely divorcing the movie from its source material is unfeasible.
With that said; as I review this movie I will be critiquing as loosely inspiredimagination of the Batman: Hush comic, and only making comparisons to demonstrate potential compromises of the story or the characters.
***Obvious spoilers ahead***
THE GOOD AND THE BAD
After many years of begging, pleading, rumors, and teasing the Batman: Hush animated film was finally released during SDCC weekend. The basic plot remained intact: a mysterious new villain named Hush targets Batman’s crime fighting career as well as his personal life, which is further complicated by his burgeoning romance with Catwoman. While making concessions that range from minor to pivotal the movie manages to be different while maintaining a degree of familiarity. All the most iconic scenes are there in one aspect or another, with only one notable exception; the Jason Todd graveyard scene.
There’s not much to say about the general plot. It for the most part, stays true to the essence of the story, while being different in execution. Most changes were traversable, while others were pointless and baffling. The first questionable change occurs early in the movie, when Catwoman delivers the stolen money to Poison Ivy; Ivy kisses Catwoman, which she does not reciprocate. In the original script for the book, I believe, that Ivy did kiss Catwoman, but Jeph Loeb was told by editorial to remove it, because it was “too much.”
It was clear in the comic book that Ivy was using her powers to mind-control Catwoman. In that context kissing her would have made more sense. In the movie the extent of her influence over Catwoman is unclear. It appears that she is blackmailing Catwoman. Catwoman’s coldness and irritation afterwards implies that she has maintained some degree of self-awareness. Her use of coercion rather than force renders the kiss pointless, and its intention to merely be salacious.
Other needless changes involve swapping out characters. Bane, for some reason, has taken the place of Killer Croc. Damian Wayne has taken the place of Tim Drake, and Amanda Waller makes a token appearance, but both proceed to only have one scene.
As Rick Austin from FortressofSolitude put it:
Some changes to the original story are surface-level questionable, making you wonder why they changed them at all – like substituting Killer Croc for Bane, for instance. Presumably it was done for recognition and name value, and barely has any relevance to the story. Huntress is replaced by Batgirl, probably for the similar reasons, but that’s more important and naturally means Oracle’s role in the story is gone. Slowly but surely, the small tweaks begin to have a big knock-on effect. Important lines of dialogue have been jettisoned, some elements have been removed and some characters replace others just to make this fit with other recent DC animated films.
The movie takes a more action/adventure route rather than a character driven mystery, chugging along at breakneck pace making several plot concessions along the way. What it does manage to improve from the book, as far as a Batman and Catwoman shipper can see, is it beefs up Batman and Catwoman’s ill-fated romance, by way of a montage depicting adorable, if at times out-of-character, domesticity that even involves matching his and hers robes. Its inclusion was more fan-servicey than plot driven, but the ship isn’t doing well right now so I’m not about to complain about that.
What I will complain about isn’t what was added to the romance, but what was excluded from it. The film cuts out all the most important scenes that demonstrate why the dynamics of Batman and Catwoman’s relationship works for them. Yes, we get the rooftop kiss that has graced a thousand screensavers and Batman ultimately making the decision to reveal his identity to Catwoman, but everything in service of Catwoman’s perspective are removed entirely.
The scene from the book when Catwoman admonishes Batman for saving her instead of going after the Joker after she is shot at the opera, is changed to Catwoman merely telling Batman to go after Harley Quinn.
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If you ever choose to rescue…me again over catching the bad guy…I swear I’ll scratch your eyes out. I’m not some kid you took in and trained.
This scene is important because this is where Catwoman affirms how she sees herself in this relationship: she is Batman’s equal and she expects– demands– that he treat her as such. These changes seem benign at first, until it becomes clear later why they were made. More on that in a bit.
The original script for Hush also included a tasteful post-coital scene that was ultimately cut by editorial. The scene makes its way back into the movie in lieu of some of the more emotionally intimate moments, like Selina dialoguing with Alfred in the bat-cave. The dialogue also fails to compensate for this. Batman and Catwoman’s pillow talk topic include how Batman used to think Catwoman was a kleptomaniac.
“You were beautiful, intelligent, and brilliant,” he tells her. “I assumed if you were stealing it was because you couldn’t control it.” I see this come up in fandom every now and again, and Catwoman cannot be a kleptomaniac because kleptomania is an impulse control disorder. Catwoman steals for profit and executes elaborate premeditated heists. I can see why other people would make that mistake, but the world’s greatest detective should have more cognizance.
Most of the changes to film are surface-level and trivial, but where the movie majorly fails is when they attempt to fix things that weren’t broken to begin with.
The most major change doesn’t occur until the final act of the movie when it is revealed that Hush is actually the Riddler. At first, I thought this was a misdirect, but no. The Riddler is really Hush and Tommy Elliot was just a plot device, and he is really dead. Like in the book, Riddler gained knowledge of Batman’s identity while in the Lazarus Pit, and decides to take revenge by going after Bruce Wayne’s friends and loved ones.
This change is nonsensical and renders Tommy Elliot’s role in the movie essential meaningless. He is a mere plot device, a shamefully underdeveloped plot device, intended to provide Batman with angst. Villains targeting Batman’s loved ones is all too familiar occurrence, but audiences barely get to know Tommy long enough understand the depths of Batman’s grief and mourning.
As I’m sure all of you are aware at this point that in the book it is revealed that Hush is Tommy Elliot. Substituting Tommy for Riddler diminishes the impact of the reveal and Hush’s motivations. Tommy, Bruce’s close childhood friend, has a personal vendetta against Bruce. He uses his friendship, familiarity, and access to Bruce Wayne to attack him both personally and as Batman. It also complicates Batman’s relationship with Hush as a villain. The Riddler being Hush is just a theatrical Gotham villain pretending to be a different theatrical Gotham villain for no reason whatsoever.  
Towards the end of the movie Riddler kidnaps Catwoman and tries to kill her in an elaborate trap. Since Bruce was damseled early in the movie, I didn’t so much mind that they did the same to Catwoman. I like that Batman and Catwoman can depend on each other, and it demonstrates a degree of equality in their relationship. However, while Batman was only incidentally damseled for maybe 60 seconds, Catwoman was subtly threatened with rape for intervening on his behalf and later got the full-on woman-tied-to-railroad-tracks-treatment. Predictably Batman shows up and saves the day.
THE UGLY
Batman: Hush made several missteps that I was willing to overlook, and almost got through its entire 82-minute run time before doing the only thing that I considered truly egregious.
After the ensuing fight the building begins to collapse and Catwoman leaves Riddler to die, after Batman attempts to save him. Batman argues that they could’ve saved Riddler instead of letting him die. Catwoman becomes angry. “You’re crazy! You’re absolutely insane,” she exclaims melodramatically. Batman and Catwoman decide that their moral differences are too stark and break up, but leave the door open for the future.
This is where the movie took an unexpected turn for the worse. This is where the reason why so many changes to Catwoman’s character becomes clear.
Batman goes out as the voice of morality and looks like the hero, and Catwoman is completely thrown under the bus to make it happen.
Early in the movie during the famous battle of Metropolis when Superman is under the influence of Poison Ivy, Catwoman throws Lois Lane off a building to snap him out of the spell. Later when Superman is out of earshot Batman tells Catwoman that throwing Lois off the building was not part of the plan and that he did not approve of her methods. In the book it was Batman’s idea to throw Lois from the building. This moment frequently makes appearances on Worst-Things-Batman-Has-Ever-Done lists on comic sites.
During the opera scene Catwoman attempting to stop Batman from killing the Joker in a fit of rage was also cut. Here it was Batman who was acting morally questionable, and Catwoman was the reasonable and morally righteous one, so to speak.
These, along with Catwoman allowing Riddler to die, are intended to make Catwoman seem like she has a cursory attitude towards killing, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. All of this inevitably shifts all the blame for the relationship not working out on Catwoman. Catwoman’s flaws are irreconcilable while Batman is the blameless voice of reason. This is abominable at best, and sexist at worst.  
The book ends similarly and yet profoundly different. Upon the announcement of the film some people were hoping for the ending to be changed to something presumably happier for Bruce and Selina. In the book Batman and Catwoman break up, but under much different circumstances.
I personally feel that the ending to the original was appropriate for the story. Batman sabotages their relationship pushes Catwoman away because he realized was not ready for the vulnerability required in that type of relationship, It ends  on a bittersweet note. Batman and Catwoman can have a relationship “someday.” All they need is a little more time, and it’s Batman who need to be a little bit different.
Even as things end Loeb simply and perfectly sums up why Batman and Catwoman work:
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We are who we are. That’s why this works.
The film makes fundamental differences, that can only be remedied by Catwoman changing herself, are the root of Batman and Catwoman’s relationship dysfunction.
The changes to Catwoman’s character occur only to justify the ending. The filmmakers went to great lengths to villainize Catwoman to make it seem like it was all her personal shortcomings that ended things instead of Batman’s to make him seem more heroic. It relegates Batman and Catwoman’s relationship  to a tool to demonstrate Batman’s inflexible moral code.
To add insult to injury, as Batman and Catwoman’s relationship comes to an end, Selina tells Bruce bitterly that she changed herself to be with him and was willing to continue changing. This robs Selina the agency of having reformed on her own, in a film that has already diminished much of her voice and independence.
It’s almost laughable that Selina once told Huntress that reforming was worthwhile, “as long as you’re doing it for yourself, and not for what someone else thinks of you,” in the same book the movie was based on.
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Some dude (and it’s a dude; I checked) read the book, saw this panel, then decided to have her say literally the opposite. I wish I was making this up.
On its own the Batman: Hush movie is watchable. The casual viewer and batcat shippers alike can easily find something to enjoy. But watchable is a low bar to pass when based on one of the most popular Batman stories of our era. What should have been an exceptionally easy recipe for success did not exceed the bare minimum. It’s drab, bland, and dark animation style does not hold up to Jim Lee’s iconic penciling or Scott Williams’ colorful fills. The changes to the story are generally acceptable, until the final act of the movie when things go off the rails.
Ultimately the movie exceptionally fails at capturing the dynamics of Batman and Catwoman’s relationship, trading in much of the depth and intimacy for shower sex and pet names. On its own Batman: Hush stands as a mindlessly entertaining adaptation, loosely inspired by a Batman story of mystery and intrigue. Held up to the source material, it’s a pale and grotesque imitation.  
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hopevalley · 5 years ago
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What are your favorite and least stories from each Season and why?
Oh man, this is a really thought-provoking question! I’ll try to come up with good answers (even though sometimes the seasons blur together a little bit):
I’ll give some basic thoughts on each season and what worked/didn’t work for me.
Season 1
While I appreciate that they made the effort to have Elizabeth stick out (vs. blending in with all the Poors), she was downright unbearable at times in the early seasons. Her wanting to help and coming up with ideas is pretty decent in terms of story structure and even characterization/character motivation, but holy cow was it intrusive and nosy/patronizing of her sometimes! I think the point might have been to give Elizabeth flaws, which is great, but people just seemed to accept it, and her, too quickly, at least for my liking. A shame because I felt like her struggling to fit in would 1) be good for her character/force her to understand that to be accepted here she has to concede to giving up her former lifestyle, and 2) be a great, GREAT way for her and Abigail to bond and become friends, since this is something Abigail also struggled with!
So basically, the ‘story’ of Elizabeth coming to fit in in Coal Valley? Vaguely rubbish.
So much DID work, though, and could have been expanded upon for even better storytelling!!! This is especially true of the widows/related stories.
Loss of faith/faltering faith
Loss of personal identity
Moving on/past grief
Processing guilt 
Protecting the memory of a deceased loved one
We also had some great smaller personal stories.
Genius child has to work in the mine because there’s no one else ot take care of his family
Young man can’t read and has to work in the mine (and even after he does start learning how to read, probably doesn’t get to leave). Elizabeth still taking the time to try and help him still means something!
Season 2
I will never forgive the series for its convoluted attempt at a love triangle, here. Charles wasn’t unlikable, but he was OBVIOUSLY interested in Elizabeth romantically, and I don’t feel she’d be so stupid as to be blind to that, old chum or not.
Basically, it was one of the worst plots to ever exist on the show, because it just wasn’t believable in any capacity and felt like drama that existed to be a roadblock more than anything.
Also, not to whine, but Bill’s whole ‘counterfeit money’ plotline wasn’t very well-written.
The plot itself makes sense, but the way it bounced around seems to have just confused enough people that no one even remembers this was a thing.
That said, I think it was a good plot for the character... It was just not executed as well as it needed to have been to make a difference/really shine.
There are a lot of small things from S2 that were pretty nice, though.
Abigail’s fight to help Clara was meaningful, but I’m not sure how I feel about the addition of Clara from a writing standpoint. I feel like Abigail should have felt something was off about Peter’s trips from the start... The issue is that Hamilton is VERY far away and it’s VERY doubtful Peter would have ever gone there. Union City makes more sense if we’re talking about picking up shipments.
Tom and Julie were entertaining if nothing else.
I couldn’t tell you a single thing that happened in Hope Valley in S2, but I’m sure there were Events.
Season 3
Honestly I don’t think S3 had anything horrible in it. It just wasn’t very inspiring at times? It was like they had all these really good ideas but didn’t want to fully commit to any of them.
Henry Gowen was a star.
Frank was excellent in this season.
The biggest issue I have with this plot is simply that they didn’t take it all the way. Either he’s a dangerous man to allow to stay in town or he’s not. Saying he is doesn’t make it so. A rock through a window? Okay, sure...that’s threatening I guess. But it didn’t feel like enough to turn the whole town.
And again, having him barely doing anything even though he’d definitely be worried for Abigail and Cody’s safety is just inane.
Still, overall the whole thing was pretty good/well-done. Especially that unexpected turn at the end where Henry helped turn the tide. (I still wish that had gone somewhere and wonder even now if they had an idea they wanted to use and didn’t get the chance to.)
Abigail adopting children was nice. I wish Becky hadn’t been a part of it at all though. Like the IDEA is nice, but I can’t imagine she’d believe in it all as fast/readily as she does? This plotline just seemed great for Cody and meaningless to Becky, IMO.
But hey, the thing with Cody is meaningful enough. My issue is just that he’s like, 8 or 9 and remembers his parents very clearly, so I don’t think he’d be that willing to replace them. I guess it could just be his personality, but it might make more sense for him to be like 5-6 years old instead (less attached with fuzzier memories by this point if they’ve been on the run awhile).
Despite my qualms I think this was a pretty good story for Abigail. Just wish they hadn’t dropped her role as a mom as quickly as it felt they did.
Hattie was a good character and I enjoyed her introduction story. It was sad, but it felt good/satisfying.
Bill buying Henry’s share in the café was a great little thing. Maybe too convenient and itching for a story of its own (instead of it just happening), but overall a good idea.
Jack’s mom coming to town was entertaining. She had some really good lines. Lard in coffee. I mean...this was gold.
Season 4
The peddler was a cute addition but I didn’t much care for the overt magical element.
If it felt a little more real/grounded/down to earth I think I might have been more intrigued. 
Frank getting his original Bible back was a GREAT story but when they tried tying it into his vaguely stalker-like behavior? It just ruined the entire thing.
For what it’s worth, Frank’s character goes downhill pretty sharply in this season.
There were a lot of cute kid storylines in this one. But they weren’t all...great...
Robert telling the lie about the bear? Nice.
The kid with the knee brace? Ugh.
The storyline itself wasn’t bad!
But after Becky miraculously recovered the previous season it just felt like a slap in the face. I live with chronic pain and it’s just one of those things where I’d like a little representation somewhere.
I still think Becky should have stayed wheelchairbound.
I can’t get over how insulting it was that she just MIND OVER MATTER FIXED HERSELF. The writer who put that in there should be slapped, and the writer who wrote the saME GODFORSAKEN STORY AGAIN with this child should also be slapped.
I really feel that if they were gonna let Becky recover like that, this kid should be living with a permanent disability and this episode could deal with kids helping him play/doing activities he could participate and enjoy.
Maybe it’s too on-the-nose but the hardest part about a chronic illness/disability of any kind is the part where you lose things you loved to do that you considered a part of your identity. That’s an awfully deep storyline for WCtH, but they should have gone for it here.
Phillip was in between.
Phillip and his father were great, but Elizabeth was just SO incredibly awful. This is where she and Abigail started always being right about everything and I felt her involvement was unbearable.
They should have just let Faith take over Elizabeth’s role in that plot and it would have been way better. They could have had the eyesight issue earlier and done something great with it.
Frank and Abigail’s relationship at the beginning of this season was pretty interesting. Even though the whole “danger” thing was a little goofy, it was nice to see them communicating and adjusting. 
It felt like a natural issue people would actually have. And it wasn’t smoothly worked out, which is fine.
Also, Rosemary’s interference was hilarious.
RIP to the following:
Frank’s character after his earlier scene, because he doesn’t get anything else that’s actually in character.
Good writing because Carson is now the town hero he’s gonna save Cody from appendicitis because other doctors are just completely stupid!
Also Carson is a surgeon so TAKE THAT, regular doctors!
Doug. You were a real bro, my guy.
I DID like Doug’s role in the story, though. His death made some sense, but it was ill-timed. (How convenient that we only even hear of him moments before his death lol.)
AJ Foster is a highlight of S4 for me. I love her, and for the most part I love her introduction.
She’s such a pain in the neck, but she also talks a lot of sense.
The writing isn’t great for her, or for Bill in these scenes, but at least there was An Attempt™.
I appreciate that they introduced the idea of her much earlier in the season and built up to her actual appearance, which I couldn’t have guessed would be relevant early on.
Considering how the officers at my company hate our IRS auditor, I find the fact that AJ has enemies beyond believable.
Railroad shenanigans were pretty entertaining in this season, too.
Season 5
The last episode at least tried to be kind to the characters, so I appreciate it.
Elizabeth’s conversation with her father before her wedding was a highlight of the entire season.
AJ’s return plot was abysmal.
I’d be terribly embarrassed to have been the one to write this, especially considering how completely whack it feels next to the other plots.
I’ve ranted about this so many times I should have run out of steam but BOY is it cringey. This is the height of Bill-is-a-grumpy-old-man as a Thing in this series and this is probably when it is its worst.
The rattlesnake plotline was contrived as heck, but the only thing to make it worse was how weird everyone acted.
Rhonda was a good character and the plotline, if it wasn’t so rushed, would have actually been really great. I still liked it overall, though.
Frank’s send-off was dumb, but at least he got one on-screen.
I still can’t believe they killed their main romantic male lead off-screen.
What the heck...
Abigail was really, really annoying in this season, and so was Elizabeth. Unbearable.
Also, I still hate the pregnancy oooops~~ ♥♥ plot at the end of the grieving episode. Really? COME ON. I know they wanted to give the fans hope but it was jarring.
Season 6
I still HATE the nativity == baby Jack’s birth parallels. 
Why did they feel the need to do that. Why couldn’t we have just gotten pregnant Elizabeth shenanigans?
They put Jack’s DEATH ON THE TOMBSTONE like how is she popping out a baby less than two months later when she didn’t even know she wa---?F?DJSAFLJDSAFHLDSAL?
Abigail?
DELETED.
Thank goodness.
Bill?
Assassinated. Or at least, his character was.
This is bad. :(
On the plus side he gets promoted to the position of JUDGE...and barely does anything worthwhile with it...yet.
GODFATHER BILL. The best thing in this season.
Fiona?
A goddess. I love her.
Lucas?
Slimy.
But handsome.
The 4th Property Brother. He even tries his hand at renovating.
Nathan?
Honest and good.
Pretty cute.
Works together with Bill once in one of Bill’s only good scenes.
The oil plotline is actually pretty good/fun. Jesse and Clara get more scenes finally. 
Elizabeth isn’t the focus of everything.
Lee and Rosemary got like, no mention in any of these posts but mostly because it felt like they were never really doing anything before, but I did feel like they were given a little more meaningful lines/places in this season.
--
How’s this for an attempt? :P I’m probably missing A LOT but I can’t recall everything too easily!
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baronvontribble · 5 years ago
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okay tumblr you get my rambles
everyone who reads this is officially part of the Tech Support Rubber Duck Club. no one else is on and rambles are how i get ideas solidified. alright? alright.
spoilers under the cut if you do read it.
so here’s the scoop: i woke up from a slightly feverish nap with an idea. an idea nonsensically referenced here so i could get it down before i forgot it. i ended the last fully finished fic with a sequel hook, see; i knew it was a universe i wanted to do more with, but i wasn’t a hundred percent sure what it was i wanted yet. the arc wasn’t finished. the PLOT wasn’t finished. hell, it was barely even started.
at the time, a tentative new fic was started with Nick and Li. it went nowhere. the idea was slightly too weak to push a whole story with. but the sequel hook was still there; maccready had been recruited. i even had a couple of scenes written of something related where he spoke to hark/ted at the hotel as they established why they needed him, from his perspective. it would’ve made a good intro. i did not post it.
but earlier, the idea hit me: the reason Harkness was going to go to the railroad was for his injuries, but he needed someone to stay with Ted in the interim, and that’s why he was recruiting MacCready. he did not want Ted to go to the railroad. they’re still shoring up holes in Minuteman infrastructure at that point in the plot.
so Ted has not met the Railroad, and is being left on his own for a bit to do sidequests. and the USS Constitution questline has one that takes you into the front fucking parlor of Kellogg’s hideout. which is FULL OF SYNTHS.
Ted has no reason to do the main quest as established in-fic, but he does have a reason to be wary of synths, and a reason to be curious about whatever a whole bunch of synths might randomly be guarding or looting. that reason is Harkness. and i doubt Harkness would let Ted face that many synths with just MacCready at his side (nor would Ted feel comfortable with just MacCready there).
which means Ted goes back to talk to Harkness about it. and that leads to them checking it out. which then leads to them facing Kellogg, who Ted DOES recognize. but Ted is not a vengeful person. he would try to talk things out. learn what he could.
except Kellogg has contact with the institute, who have access to their spies and their birds. their birds that Ted had yet to deal with when Harkness told Ted everything. their spies who have been in and out of minuteman business for months, trading with key settlements and gathering intel. so Kellogg knows who and what Harkness is, along with knowing everything Harkness refused to tell Ted because it would cause too much pain.
so! what reason could Kellogg give Ted to do the main quest? what could motivate him? love of what family he has left? Ted’s already mourned that. it’s gone, as far as he’s concerned. no, his arc isn’t about that; from the start it’s been about standing up when things go too far, and taking the side of those who are threatened most. so far he’s seen the fear, but he hasn’t seen the threat.
to motivate Ted, Kellogg would have to hurt Harkness. and if Kellogg knows what Harkness is, with his Institute connections? he has the knowledge to do the Absolute Worst Thing.
(and why would Kellogg do this? because he wants to die, and he wants Ted to kill him. it seems only fair to him.)
then Ted would be forced to go to the railroad to fix things. but he would also be motivated to destroy the Institute, stabbing directly at the heart of the things that had hurt his robot with the same righteous fury that even Harkness is scared of sometimes. he would be motivated not by somebody else’s quest, but by his own anger and determination to set things right so this can’t ever happen again.
and it will have a happy ending. or at least, a hopeful one where things are mostly set right. there is a “comfort” in “hurt/comfort” after all. lemme know if y’all wanna read this, but even if you don’t, these two always make for my strongest ideas that end up getting worked on the longest. so. yeh.
either way, thank you to everyone who got through this ramble. it helped me very much to type it out regardless, so consider yourselves part of the creative process, dear followers <3
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guardianofmemes · 6 years ago
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fallout 4 companions best to worst
with funny images at the start of each character review! DLC companions included! also BIG TIME SPOILERS FOR FALLOUT 4 OKAY 3 2 1 GOOOO!
1. nick valentine - clockwork PI 
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positives: he’s a robot detective who loves neon and smokes even though he has no lungs you know he’s a man who appreciates aesthetic.
negatives: none
2. old longfellow - old salty 
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positive: grandpa time. he's perfect. this man is everyone's rough and tumble but supportive grandfather. he's a rough block of wood, well worn and with a sense of humor, drinking habits, great dialogue, fantastic personality and can follow you around, he never outwears his welcome. he can even follow you around the commonwealth. rivals nick valentine for best companion to me.negative: i can't really think of ANY.
3. codsworth - lovable orb 
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positives: truly a stalwart companion, never abandons you, waited 2 centuries for the player character. it made me upset you couldn't romance them, the character who truly had a connection with you. they're fantastic and the top 3 was a REALLY close call.
negatives: cannot romance, wHY TODD YOU COWARD
4. preston garvey - minutemen general 
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positive:  i can't even bring myself to post a jokey image for him he's just that good. god his character is good. he's a broken man, but he still doesn't stop helping others, or giving up hope. he's truly a good person, but not unrealistic. he has his limits, and can bend and break. and unlike other companions strangely, he DOES have more loyalty breaking points than the others, like if you side with raiders he will shoot you on sight. unless you deviate from the carefully curated quest paths in which case aaaaaaa also his backstory good, and i like how he faces his inner demons, altho i wish he'd just take the mantle of general. he honestly deserves it.
DOWNSIDES: ANOTHER SETTLEMENT NEEdS OUR HELP. making any companion a never ending, radiant quest hub, is a BAD FECKIN IDEA BOYO. BUCKO ITS A BAD IDEA. as a result of him being a radiant quest hub, its the onbly thing people know about him, care about, and experience while in game, because before and after every character interaction is something about his radiant quest hub quests. also romancing him feels HORRIBLE just like mac cready.
5. john maccready - ratface 
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positives:  Positives, I like snarky mercs. And he had real Scout vibes.Honestly if you forget he existed in any other fallout games, on his own he's a decent companion. I like having him around, he's like that coworker of yours who keeps stealing office supplies but he always has spare smokes if you ask. honestly maccready is like if you dipped piper in the FEV. he's just a better version of her.  she's too heavy handed i'm sorry
negative:  again bethesda's bad design about being afraid of upsetting consumers. because once you finish his personal quest, spoilers getting the cure for his infant son's sickness, he should IMMEDAITELY RETURN TO HIS SON. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE MAC AND CHEESE. GO RAISE YOUR SON. also romancing him just feels dirty and manipulative. this MAN IS CLEARLY STILL GREIVING FOR HIS DEAD WIFE!!!  most of the romance paths honestly feel dirty and manipulative to me, like you're taking advantage of their friendship and trust in you
6. Ada - actual wife 
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positives: i love robots and this is like if curie didn't suck and wasn't born sexy yesterday. she has a character arc and is cool and has personality and also she's made of different robot parts when she starts out and that's cool. her story is good and even her generic lines are charming.
negatives: after the mechanist dlc is over she has no more unique cool things to say, and its sad they didn't prepare enough dialogue for her
7. john danse - paladin pants 
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positives: danse is a trooper, he's a boot boy yeah. in literal apocalypse land tho, understandable. also he is loyal to his team and anyone he considers his friends. once he spoilers is exiled from the brotherhood for being a synth and loses his way he does lose some of his hangups, becomes a more thoughtful person. his character arc is good, i like how he ends up.
negatives: holy fuck my cat just jumped in my lap he's like my way or the highway haha. anyways back to pants paladin. like i said he has some hangups, aka his racism from living in the brotherhood, a proto-fascist military cult. but honestly this doesn't make him a bad character, and he does get better from it. i'm gonna be real here the only negative about him is again, THE ROMANCE PATH. IT FEELS SO NEGATIVE AND DIRTY AND MANIPULATIVE. like i see people say he's a bad character but no he's just a bad person. and even then, he does learn and adapt.you can have characters who aren't good people in your stories
8. piper - waifu bait 
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positive:  extra extra read all about it, the tracer of fallout 4 not totally a bad thing tho, she's just.obviously the companion you're supposed to like the most.
negative:  her quirkiness has its charms but it can be KINDA much sometimes. also she’s obvious waifu bait. however in the end she's really more a person i'd want to argue with as a friend and hang just chill around she's pushy tho and i don't like being railroaded into certain quests or storybeats.
9. dog - dog 
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positive: dog is dog
negative: is not robot detective or butler, but is still good
10. deacon - MY EYES!!! 
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positives: charming spy man, so deep in the weeds he doesn't even know his own past or even if he's a synth. that's quirky and cute. he also has that very obvious spy charm of, his disguise is just him wearing clothes. iits funny like superman putting glasses on.
negatives: honestly he's just kinda bland. he's such a mystery wrapped in an enigma locked in a puzzlebox owned by that demon guy with the needles in his head, that there's nothing to know about him. really i can't figure him out. or get to know him.then again some of that is due to trust issues. i mean neat character trait but there's not much for me to consume here.
11. john hancock - anarcho beef jerky 
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positive:  he's a pretty free wheeling kinda dude and i like that, he stands up against bad authority, to an extent, and that's where some of my issues crop up
negative:  it could also be blamed on shitty bethesda afraid you wouldn't do certain content if it locked you out of your favorite companions, but he'll stand with you through allying with the institute, the brotherhood, anyone. also his anarchist leadership style has resulted in a lot of issues for his community he doesn't seem keen on fixing or reflecting on anytime soon. also constant substance abuse and he'll encourage you to take on the party hardy lifestyle tooi just look at freeside i mean goodneighbor i mean freeside and i think "man you're supposed to be the king i mean the mayor you should do better". ripoff of the king i'm gonna rip off the bandaid tbh, not even as cool as the king. the king really looked out for freesiders while hancock kinda just... meanders about the place. being mayor with no authority on purpose just makes you, a guy who kills people sometimes.
12. automatron - build-a-bear workshop BUT WITH GUN 
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positive: there's a few distinct personality modules and voice actors for the automatron companions, each one is enjoyable, i liked them, and they were all different from each other. i consider them like mini companions. plus being able to build your very own custom robots with any parts you want is the most epic part of this companion.
negative: the dialogue for the voice actor packs is pretty limited, like pretty limited. not a lot to hear before they loop. i'd have to say these are more neutral than even X6-88 for me
13. X6-88: oh that uniquely named courser that showed up as i destroyed the institute, wait he was a companion??? 
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positives:
okay negatives time
negatives:for real tho he's just uh, again kind of a Nothing character. not as disappointing as Strong tho. As an institute courser he's just... well he just Is. he exists. doesn't really question his nature tho, or consider what life would be like outside the institute... its like if Danse had no character arc at all and spoilers just stayed in the brotherhood like a good proto-fascist feudalistic power armored boot boy. he feels like a quota like todd howard walked in the design room and said "we need an institute companion" and then the designers said "... fuck. we're almost done with the game's story okay lets cook something up". i'd have to say he's perfectly average. he's like the bland guy from the wendys commercials about how spicy their chicken is
14. porter gage - why do i keep stepping on this rake 
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positives: his armor looks cool, and his voice actor is good. i like that a raider character is portrayed by a sneaky advisor type instead of just a chest beating tough guy on chems. porter is an interesting take, and his motivations and methods are interesting.
negatives: his motivations don't make sense though. he's seen over and over in his life that raiders simply are unsustainable and don't work, always breaking apart. yet he... still wants to be a raider, and advise raider gangs? it doesn't make sense. also if you buddy up with him preston will hate you, and you have to eliminate your OWN settlements in the commonwealth. sorry porter but i'm not willing to make that kind of sacrifice at all. he's alright as a character but not really deep. having a backstory doesn't mean you're deep, that's Bethesda Deep™. Bad, no. Die now with the rest of nuka world, gage.
15. strong - fallout 3 was a mistake 
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positives: non-human companion, i like that. super mutants are always cool
negatives: lumpy and misshappen as fuck oh god he's like a slab of moldy ribs. also his character? what character? he's just a bog standard super mutant, not even a cool one from the west coast. he's just an orc, a raider painted green with half a brain and a penchant for eating people. he doesn't change or evolve, he's just. he's a Nothing character.
16. curie - born french yesterday 
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positives:  so i guess i should start with the positives since that's a trend in this list now. positives! robot, and one that's both aware of how the world's dead but wants to learn, and make it better. i always like robots, and well. uh. robot. i'm out of positives now.
negatives: she is the living embodiment of th e born sexy yesterday trope. profoundly naive, yet unimaginably wise. and spoilers once she gets a SEXAYYYYY human bod from a braindead synth, her naive nature is played up even further as WHAT EEZ DIS STRANGE FEELING UWU I FEEL HORMONE AND LUUUV its bad, its bad its bad. french maid plus nurse wrapped into one, with the mind of a child, aka its the born sexy yesterday trope. and you can only fuc once she's out of the robot body and this makes betheseda COWARDS. LET ME HAVE MY ROBOTS.
17. cait - drug
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positive:
negative: commit go away from my game. rude, not fun to be around, substance abuse storyline is NOT handled well. also in boston the one irish character is all fucked up come on man.
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luescris · 6 years ago
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Procession of Gifts
What I think would happen the turtle's first Father's Day without a father. :')
∆•∆
The four brothers stood at the entrance of the lair quietly, shoulder by shoulder, moving only some and talking none. Around each neck dawned either a black bow tie or tie. The silence was heavy and dark with sadness, which each turtle held equally upon their shoulders and in their eyes. Each held an item in their hands.
Michelangelo, holding a card in both his hands ever so gently, it's back facing the sewer.
Raphael, a bouquet of flowers resting against one shoulder loosely while Chompy napped on his other.
Donatello, a ring he had found a while ago, and upon learning who it belonged to, had immediately welled it back together, working hard at it for days on end for this moment.
Leonardo, the picture of human Splinter and his daughter and wife, smiling happily at whoever may lay their eyes upon the image.
Their heads moved in sync as they turned towards the sound of a car coming down the railroad. The Party Wagon stopped ever so softly upon reaching where the turtles stood, the engine still roaring with life. April poked her head out of the window, seeming to have changed into a black dress. Karai sat in the passenger seat, avoiding any eye contact at the moment and staring at the ground below. She too had changed, wearing a nice black shirt and slacks with black lipstick instead of her usual red.
"Are we ready?" April asked softly, offering a small, sad smile she knew they wouldn't return.
"No." Leo admitted quietly after swallowing down a lump in his throat. It had been the first word any of the turtles had spoken all morning. "But, let's go anyway."
One by one, they filed into the back slowly, Donnie in the lead, making sure their possessions didn't get ruined. They squished themselves together, and while it was necessary, it was also somewhat on purpose. A silent form of comfort to each other as the Party Wagon pulled out of the entrance. Karai briefly glanced behind her at Leo, who met her gaze for a second before she looked back. Leo caught the red rimmed around her eyes in that short moment, and blinked rapidly as he brought his attention to the window next to him.
"Where's Casey?" Donnie asked hesitantly.
April looked up at him in the rear view mirror. "He… He and his family are going out to celebrate. He sends his condolences and prayers, and wishes he could be here with us, and apologises for not doing so."
"Lucky." Raph muttered under his breath sullenly.
"What about you and your dad?"
April smiled sadly. "We are too, but not until tonight. I wouldn't miss this for the world, or in a million years. I want to be there for you guys, like you've done for me."
Leo's eyes softened at the back of her head, heart warmed by her words. "Thank you, April." He said softly.
"No 'thank you's, Leo. Just good friends being good friends. That's all this is."
They all fell silent again. Mikey laid his head against Leo's shoulder gently, eyes downcast as the ride went on.
~∆•∆~
It was as if they had planned how they were to present their belongings once they reached the grave. Maybe they might have, but nonetheless, it was a slow, sad procession. The Wagon stopped in the driveway of the farm house, giving one last sputter before it was shut off. The door opened, and out stepped Leo, slowly and carefully, stepping aside to wait for his brothers. Raph came out next, with Mikey following after and Donnie last. Karai stepped out and aways with April, following only mere inches from them as they began to walk, albeit slowly, a far off look on her face.
One step after another, they marched towards the lone grave at the edge of the forest. The wind greeted them softly, brushing their faces and branches creaking like voices welcoming them back joyfully. But there was no joy in their motives as they neared the stone. Only pain that showed in their eyes, and it seemed to grow with each step they took.
Mikey suddenly stopped abruptly, forcing the other three behind him to do the same as he shut his eyes and turned away with a choked sob. "I can't do this..!"
Leo walked up to him after a moment as his little brother's shoulders began to shake. "Mikey," He muttered softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He had yet another lump in his throat, and it only grew when he heard Mikey's quiet sobs. He had opened his mouth to encourage him, but upon realizing he had no courage for this himself, he was left empty worded. All he managed to do was gently take Mikey's arm as Raph slung an arm around his shoulders and whisper, "C'mon. We're here. Do it for us, okay?"
Leo whispered a few more things as he led him forward, and though the orange clad turtle nodded slightly in understanding, his tears didn't stop. Though it couldn't be helped, Leo knew this, and wasn't at all surprised when he heard Donnie give a small sniff of his own. He felt his eyes burn and water with his throat, but he didn't let the tears fall.
Not yet.
Within a few steps, they reached the grave, and it seemed as if they all held their breaths when their eyes landed on their family name and crest. They stood almost as still as the statue of their father that was embedded into the stone, like they had while waiting for the Party Wagon.
"... Raph." Leo whispered hoarsely.
Heavily, the indicated turtle moved, hands shaking ever so slightly as he bent and reached for the long dead bouquet of flowers wilted over the bed. April moved to his side to take them with Karai in tow, and they watched as he placed the flowers delicately where the previous ones had been.
Raph gulped before he took a breath to speak. "Hey, father. It's… It's Raph. I'm not sure if you know this, but today's Father's Day. We came to visit s-so we could.." His breath hitched, and when he bowed his head April placed her hand on his shoulder with a comforting squeeze. He stayed like that for a few more seconds before he continued, voice cracking with incomplete sobs. "So we could say Happy Father's Day. Even though you're not here physically. I just… Hope you can hear us." Raph looked back up, tear stains glistening against his cheeks. He gave a sniff and wiped his face quickly. "So yeah. W-we brought you gifts, and stuff." He paused solemnly. "Hope you like them."
He rose and stepped aside. Mikey went forward shakily, still shedding unsilenced and uncontrolled tears as he bent down on his knee. He barely whispered "Happy Fathers Day" as he set the card down. The front had the words he just spoke in a green, shiny color with a fancy font. The background was decorated elegantly with many shapes. Mikey rose just as quickly as he kneeled, trying to pull himself together as he stood next to Raph.
Leo came next, and he set the picture in between the bouquet and card, bowing his head and closing his eyes as he placed a hand on the stone. "Happy Fathers Day, father." He whispered. "We miss you. A lot. More than you probably will ever know. I'm not sure if we've ever thanked you for what you did for us, and I know we took you for granted. I wish we didn't, because here we are, and.. And there you are." He paused, and the next words were said through gritted teeth. ".. Beneath our feet. 'M sorry… I'm sorry we couldn't do more. I hope you understand one day, and I hope you know our gratitude.. And our love." He finally let his tears fall, though he mourned silently, and only for a few minutes. He knew there were others still waiting, and he didn't want to take away their time. Leo looked up at Donnie with a nod after finishing, and moved for him.
"Ahem…" Donnie cleared his throat as he knelt, taking the ring in two large fingers and holding it up for the others to see. "I'm not sure if you'd recognize this if you were still.. Here, since it's been a while, but, this is your wedding ring. I found it on patrol one day sitting in a corner, broken and dirty." He smiled ever so slightly. "I wasn't sure why, but I knew I had to take it home and fix it up, find who it had belonged to. Never would've thought it'd be yours, father." He placed it in front of the picture slowly, as if not wanting to let it go. "I did my best to make it look brand new. Happy Father's Day."
Karai stepped up after Donnie moved away, placing a hand on the mound of dirt and kissing the stone before looking down at the ground. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind, and pressed her head to the stone with her eyes shut tightly. April went to the other side of the grave, whispering a "thank you" past the lump in her throat. The two stayed there for a while, the turtles watching them. April rose first, and placed a hand on Karai's shoulder. Karai looked up at her, then sighed and stood with her. All six stared down at the grave for the last few hesitating moments they had, not wanting to leave.
It had been at least ten more minutes before Leo sighed heavily, and said, "Come on guys. Let's go home."
He turned and walked towards the farm house. The rest followed hesitantly, Mikey looking back one last time at the grave.
The Party Wagon whirred to life yet again, and with their last goodbyes, it turned and left the old farm house and the gifts behind.
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dr-gloom · 6 years ago
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Selfishness Vs. Selflessness Analysis (Pt. 4/4)
“It seems your moral compass is pointed south, towards hell!” (while on the surface this is totally a cheesy-villain-esque jab, Deceit is verbally pointing out the flaw in Patton’s methods for getting his way and making decisions thus-far. Pointing out how he was treated for basically the same thing was both to drive in the point further and show that he isn’t as bad as they think he is.)
“Will you let Patton make his case!” (Deceit has been giving Patton equal opportunity to make a valid case. The problem is that outside of his own feelings and values, Patton doesn’t have a case. This is frustrating, confusing, and scary to both Virgil and Patton, but Virgil is the only one who’s aggressive enough to say something about it. When this is followed by Patton’s.... “compliment” and Virgil’s disbelieving look, you can really see that he’s realizing that Patton realistically has no way of winning. Virgil needs to know things will work out, that he’s making the right choice. How can he if Patton can’t even tell him why it’s the right choice?)
“I don’t know what’s true at this point, I just know what I want to be true!” (This is vital. This is Patton himself admitting that his arguments, his ideas and decisions, are based on opinion rather than fact. He’s admitting that his line of thinking has flaws, and can’t always win. For the others to hear this from Patton themselves is so important in being able to take him off the pedestal they put him on and take their own agency.)
The interaction between Deceit and Virgil following this, where Deceit alludes to a secret Virgil is keeping. (I’ve seen a lot of theories on what that secret is, but I’m not gonna go into which one I believe. Virgil is obviously desperate to keep it hidden. It shows Thomas’ reaction too, how he looks concerned but curious, so we know this will be revisited and revealed in a future episode. This could also be a way for Deceit to distract Virgil with his own inner anxieties so he can’t raise any more of a fuss against Deceit while he’s trying to make a point. Why else make this pointless display?)
Deceit’s reaction to Patton getting excited over Virgil’s answer (We have to remember that while Patton is trying to prove that Thomas is a good person and isn’t selfish, Deceit’s goal is to show that they all put too much stake in Patton and that Thomas doesn’t take care of himself enough. So while it is commendable that Patton sort of found a way to bring his argument into a logic-driven setting, it’s completely pointless to the overall scenario)
Roman on the witness stand (just like with Logan, Deceit is using this chance to show Thomas that he isn’t listening to anyone but Patton and it’s harmful to his sides and himself. Roman is talking about how he wants to help Thomas achieve his goals but things keep popping up and you can see Thomas glance guiltily at Patton, because those “more important things” are more than likely social obligations Patton weedled him into. You definitely see this later at the end when Roman gives his broken “Do I...” and Patton’s is more happy.)
The Compromise (While Deceit is Breakin It Down, you can see Patton getting curious, leaning in to listen, checking that Thomas is also into it. He’s already admitted that he’s floundering here, and Deceit is providing the first solid advice he’s heard all day. So why not listen? I’d also like to add that I’m disappointed they didn’t come up with a better solution because there’s at least two; 1) be honest with why you’re skipping. Your friends know your career path and most likely wouldn’t hold it against you. 2) go to part of the wedding, then the callback. hell if you have time, i bet you could even go back to the wedding too!)
I just wanna comment I’m proud of Roman for standing up for his views and making Patton move on okay? Okay.
Deceit’s monologue on Society(tm) (Here’s where we get the giant glimpse into Deceit’s motives, what makes him the way he is and why he does what he does. He’s scared for Thomas, especially since he is so intimate with the darkest part(s) of humanity. There was an amazing analysis I read earlier of this monologue that basically said something like “He wants to create a safety net for Thomas, but doesn’t create one for himself”. Meaning he helps Thomas feel safe by telling him little lies, steering him to act in a way that keeps him safe, but he doesn’t do that for himself because if he did he wouldn’t know what Thomas needs to avoid and be protected from.)
“If Thomas wanted to be seen as a good friend more than he wanted the role of a lifetime, well then I’m all for that.” (On one hand, he’s basically telling Patton “We both know what he really wants. I’m just defending him, rather than pushing him to fit my agenda”. He’s also admitting that his purpose isn’t malicious like everyone treats it; he’s just acting in Thomas’ best interests.)
Patton cross-examining himself (could have been Thomas & Co. trying to lighten the mood, or it could be another classic Patton Deflection to distract the others from Deceit’s argument.)
Deceit snapping at the end. (He’s not angry that they once again foiled his plot, he’s angry that once again the light sides are prioritizing others over Thomas. Thomas could have easily explained the situation to his friends if they were really concerned about the “deceitful means”, but they took the easy way out and decided to railroad Thomas’ wants and desires for the sake of his friends’. They know he’ll be miserable, he’s said as much, and yet they’ve ignored it anyways. And Thomas just decides to go with it instead of being true to himself and caring about himself for once. They missed the lesson he was trying to teach, all because they couldn’t get past their views of him and only saw this as some master plot.)
Patton’s “Do I!” Versus Roman’s more subdued “Do I.” (Patton always gets what he wants. Roman? Rarely. Patton is used to it, he doesn’t have to work to be happy because no one fights him ((for very long, at least)) and this is the whole issue. Since the sides haven’t absorbed Deceit’s lesson, we can now see the groundwork for a division between them where the others will eventually get sick of being pushed aside for Patton’s sake.)
I think Thomas excusing Patton’s behavior with “you wanted me to do the right thing” is a big mistake, but that’s my personal opinion. (the ends don’t justify the means, Patton)
Overall, this episode managed to expertly veil an important lesson taught by a “villain” with a blunt and larger-than-life effort to portray “good vs. evil” (in this case: thomas being a “good” person or a selfish person) and idk if it was intentional or not, but I desperately hope a future episode comes back to this lesson and gives it the airtime it deserves
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metalforhands · 6 years ago
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2, 17, 18, and 25 for the angsty character ask meme :)
hi!! thank you so much for sending some in, it means a lot! 
2. What would break your OC beyond repair? Has it happened?
Lucille isn’t really a stranger to loss. She lost her father when she was only thirteen years old. As a young adult, she was drafted into the military, and was forced to watch many of her fellow soldiers die. Upon coming back home, her sister died in a horrible car accident alongside her husband, leaving their child, Shaun, alone.
A little bit after that, things seemed to calm down. She and her husband, Nate, became Shaun’s guardians. But… it almost seemed too quiet: and it was. The world soon ended, Nate got shot, and Shaun was kidnapped.
So, it was safe to say Lucille wasn’t in a good place after leaving Vault 111. At that point, she didn’t have much more to lose. And after learning Shaun was the leader of the Institute, she really didn’t have much more to lose. Sure, she had a few friends in the Brotherhood, but that wasn’t enough to shake her out of it. Instead, she was forced to come to terms with everything that had happened to her, and find something new to motivate her.
Which brings me back to this prompt! Lucille was able to get herself out of that slump once. However, if she were to find herself in that slump again… oof. If she were to lose everything, all over again: the Minutemen, her loved ones… she would probably just, aimlessly wander off and hope something killed her.
17. What is your OC’s greatest failure?
Probably failing to realize her dream as a pianist. Getting drafted into the military put a serious damper on her plans to begin with, but even after finding little jobs at coffee shops and restaurants, Lucille failed to actually do anything big. She never got to perform for a large crowd, or in an orchestra.
And now that the old world is gone, she has no idea if she’ll ever get that chance.
18. What is the worst possible ending for your OC and why?
This is the worst “ending” that I can see Lucille actually following through with: I call it the Danse Dies During Blind Betrayal AU! She ends up killing Elder Maxson in retaliation, and becomes like, Public Enemy #1 of the Brotherhood. She has no motivation to help Preston with the Minutemen, and turns down his offer of being General. Ends up joining the Railroad out of spite, becomes best buddies with Deacon due to their shared experiences, and all in all becomes an angry shell of her former self. Lucille ends up doing a lot of things she would normally detest in this AU. She’s disgusted with what she sees in the mirror, and truly regrets not being able to save Danse.
What makes this AU so bad is how easily it could’ve happened! And since I said I’d be drawing some of these prompts, here’s Lucille.
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25. What does your OC love most, and what would they do to keep it?
Lucille loves peace. She loves having the time to not worry about wars, or conflicts, or death. She loves having the time to do what she loves. She channels a lot of this into her work with the Minutemen; she feels they are the Commonwealth’s best chance at experiencing some kind of tranquility… something her life hasn’t really known. She would do anything to keep it.
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asiawrites · 6 years ago
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The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Hey Kids, Let’s Talk About Mental Illness
        Did everyone pull through the Mercury retrograde with everything intact? I hope so, because if it unraveled it’s a bitch trying to put it back together again. I’m speaking for me, of course. Depression is already my oldest friend, seasonal depression is my depression’s older meaner cousin that depression invites over for the holidays (WITHOUT MY PERMISSION) that doesn’t leave for several months on end, then when I get that bastard to finally leave here comes Mercury being all emotional and taking me down with her. In short the last few months have been nothing but a huge dumpster fire.
        Moods change without warning. Tears come without provoking. Exhaustion comes when sleep is abundant. Mercury has her shit in check finally but the aftershocks and events to come leave little sunlight. Seasonal depression always hits me hard because the feeling of being stuck gets overwhelming. I know I mention a lot that I miss Chicago and I want to move back, but Chicago just that represents something bigger for me. It’s not just a place, but any place where I feel like I belong and unfortunately home has never been that. Ohio has never felt like a place where I could let my hair down, be me, feel accepted, feel free, and give me inspiration. That may not make sense, but my personality is attracted to big lights and busy streets full of life. Something I can draw inspiration from. My muse. It doesn’t have to be Chicago, but Chicago did provide that escape for me. So, here we are in another winter. Another season of self loathing and “Someone please get me the hell out of here!” Domino effect. My mind becomes idle and still therefore it grows angry and bitter. Depression’s mean older cousin’s way of letting you know they’ve arrived. 
        Life is redundant. Everything and everyone gets on your nerves. Then daylight savings time hits and that mean old cousin starts to pack his bags, but not before leaving a nasty note on your pillow to tell you he’ll be back for Thanksgiving. Asshole. Then, just then, when you felt like the worst was over it wasn’t. Retrograde threw my mind for a loop. Not knowing whether I was coming or going. A constant anger and sadness that replaced everything I was. Work killing me more than usual. A semester that seems to be going into it’s 17th month of never ending arithmetic and whatever the hell my professor is teaching solely through YouTube videos. A relationship that you swear is going nowhere. Are we going to make any big moves.... hell moderate moves or is this it? Just this standstill? It all became infuriating. Infuriating because I’m not moving. If there is any moving it’s in slow motion... backwards. On the inside there’s just this constant screaming that doesn’t let up. The depression says “Well, where are you gonna go anyways?” Good point. All the things that once motivated me are no longer my happy place. So where do I go?
          Last week I had an idea. I dreamt that I approached a railroad crossing. I parked my car across the tracks, hopped into the passenger side, fastened my belt and waited for the train to hit the opposite side. I woke up in a hospital bed with all my loved around me and wept when I realized I was still alive. I’ve taken enough psych courses to know that it means I don’t want to die. I switched seats so that my body would be recognizable for God’s sake. But I do know it represents that I want a change that makes a huge impact, but I could be wrong. I do know one thing depression has been my friend longer than anyone and he had never brought me dreams this vivid. And never did he make it look so sweet. As we grow closer to the date I would’ve given birth, the date I would’ve graduated which has now been pushed back, and the third anniversary of my dad’s death it kinda makes you wonder what the meaning of it all is? Is there any? A life where you just eat, sleep, work, pay bills can’t be something fulfilling... or I should say that it isn’t. Not for me. I don’t even know what to look forward to. The next less than desirable paycheck? 
        I try and I try but things seem to never go right and even when they start out that way they soon sour. I wonder if things had been different had I been the child to rebel instead of follow rules. What if my dreams were encouraged instead of laughed at? Modesty out the door, I obviously have a way with words, but there’s only so many stories you can make about a broken girl who has no hope. Even character me is always stuck. Where does she go? Where is her happy ending? While we’re at it, where’s mine?
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2019(c)
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aion-rsa · 3 years ago
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Star Wars: The Bad Batch Episode 13 Review: Infested
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This Star Wars: The Bad Batch review contains spoilers.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch Episode 13
“Infested,” directed by Saul Ruiz and written by Amanda Rose Muñoz, explores the Bad Batch’s criminal underworld home base in an inconsequential but competent episode. Cid (Rhea Perlman) gets a well-deserved stint as a main character in an adventure that feels like a side plot, with choppy bursts of classic Star Wars action not really adding much to the story of the clones as clones. While not every story can be (or should be) as hooked in to the rest of the franchise as Hera’s was last week, “Infested” left the Bad Batch feeling more generic than when it started.
What actually happens is that the clones return “home” to discover that their benefactor/client Cid has been deposed. In her spot sits Roland Durand, the original owner of the pet lizard the gang recovered in a brief intro earlier in the season. He’s a gang member trying to live up to the criminal aspirations of his mother, starting with taking over Cid’s place. What follows is a twisting plan to get the cantina back, involving an expedition into a mine filled with deadly insects who don’t like visitors.
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The characterization of the Bad Batch remains status quo. Wrecker is afraid of heights, Tech builds things, Hunter doesn’t want to get involved with other people’s problems, and Omega talks him into doing it anyway. This last one is becoming increasingly annoying. We do know Hunter’s reason for hesitating to help here, just like he did on Ryloth: he doesn’t want to put his team in more danger than necessary. Meanwhile, Echo doesn’t believe any of this criminal stuff is a soldier’s job. While Hunter may disagree with Echo on what that means, he might also still miss having the structure (albeit minimal when it came to his team) of the Republic army.
As a motivation, I don’t mind this. It certainly is an explanation for both why Hunter doesn’t go above and beyond for Cid’s jobs, and gestures at both the nature of being a Republic clone and the way that’s having to change under the Empire. But it’s just a gesture, and does more to prove Omega’s open-heartedness by contrast than it does to deepen Hunter’s character. Omega is very sweet, and the repetition of this fact endears me to her (and makes me worry about what dark turn her story might eventually take). But we’ve now seen the same argument in two consecutive episodes, followed by the situation meaning Hunter has good reason to cave pretty easily.
So, not much actually happens. The clones journey into the mine to steal Roland’s spice, therefore setting him up for failure in front of his client, the Pyke gang. At first they succeed, but then discover that the Pykes have no problem using Roland as bait to draw Cid out to deal with her once and for all. At the end, the Batch are back where they started with the bar under Cid’s control.
However, I don’t always find the discussion of whether something is filler to be useful criticism. Foundational character work can happen in an episode that doesn’t move the plot forward. Something seemingly inconsequential can end up having a big impact later (such as in the season one Rebels episode “Fighter Flight”). The larger problem with “Infested” is that the characterization isn’t particularly interesting (or even present), the action just okay, the Bad Batch mostly just the muscle for Cid’s story.
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Roland Durand and Cid’s personalities help elevate the mediocre plot. They’re also the characters who change the most and have the most to lose. Rhea Perlman’s attitude elevates her character’s so-so dialogue, and Cid’s just fun to watch, her big body and bony head providing a distinct shape. She’s far from the The Clone Wars staple of the majority of women characters being some variant of ingénue. Newcomer Roland Durand changes more than one might expect, unfolding from hard-edged crime lord to ambiguously young upstart. His mix of threat and vulnerability are fun. His plight also connects to the wider story a little, as we know the Pykes once worked with Maul’s gang and seem to be thriving under the Empire.
Stories like this can work with the main characters not actually being at the center: look at The Mandalorian, which derives maybe half of its charm from the very fact that Din Djarin does not know what’s going on most of the time. But even without speaking, he tends to have more personality than the Batch do here. Nevertheless, I have reluctantly become a Wrecker fan, with every reminder of his fear of heights — and there are getting to be a lot of them — endearing him to me more.
The action is fine, with staples of cartoon exploration (imposing heights, dangerous creatures, and even a fun sci-fi take on railroad hand cars). After a beautiful few episodes, the animation wavers a bit here. In part that’s because many of the scenes take place in darkness, making it difficult to see what the bugs and people are doing (or to get a look at a minor material upgrade — Wrecker’s snazzy new climbing harness). The insect scenes in particular felt more disorienting than anything else. Even some wide shots of the city don’t feel entirely finished. The music also plays it safe, evoking (and watering down) the Imperial march a little bit for the journey into the caves. (And if the caves were under the city, why did the team have to go so far outside it to recover the spice?)
I wish I had more to say about the Batch themselves in this episode, or that the show was more interested in detailing what they really think. Cid giving the orders is fun, but means that the clones yet again take a back seat in their own show. While the two episodes with Hera pulled on other parts of the franchise to fill in the gap, this one simply maintains the status quo. We know by now that Cid’s bar is a good home base for the gang, regardless of her ambiguously amoral work, so in a way this is an episode about the clones defending their new home in a way they couldn’t for Kamino or the Republic. But I might be reading too much into something that isn’t actually there, doing the work because I want these characters to better stand on their own.
Those hand carts with LED lighting were very charming, though.
The post Star Wars: The Bad Batch Episode 13 Review: Infested appeared first on Den of Geek.
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lightning-of-kharlan · 7 years ago
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Dinnertime Conversation
[Sequel to Coincidence is Overrated]
Note that this drabble also references the events of the Kharlan Noir thread, which you can read here.
Cooking was not something Yuan would say he was terribly good at. His skill was passable, he supposed, but it wasn’t something he excelled at, nor particularly enjoyed. Fortunately, his flatmate was not a fussy eater, and the guest they were expecting wasn’t either. Still, he heaved a sigh as he stirred another ladleful of chicken stock into the pot of rice. It was much less effort to do rice the Chinese way, but at least he had a solid half hour now in which he could think without being expected to do anything but stir.
So the Acerbi gang hand hired a private investigator to keep an eye on him. Specifically, a Gaspari man in the Acerbi gang had hired a private investigator that Yuan counted among his friends. There was absolutely no way that was a coincidence. And there was absolutely no way that it was unrelated to the flight through the alleys the night before, and the annoyingly-stinging red mark across his cheek.
“—and for the third time, Yuan, is there anything else you’d like me to cook besides the chicken?” Kratos’s voice asked, perhaps a touch irritably.
Yuan blinked. “Sorry, I was—”
“Thinking, yes, I gathered from the look on your face. I was quite certain that making rice didn’t require nearly as much concentration as you were giving it. So I ask again, now that I have your attention—is there anything besides the chicken?”
Yuan sighed, setting down the ladle and pushing his hair out of his face. “Cut up some green onions, I guess?”
For a long moment, all was silent except for the sizzling frying pan and the rhythm of the knife on the cutting board. “And what were you pondering so deeply?” Kratos asked at length.
Yuan sighed. “Give you one guess.”
“Martel’s shapely figure?” Alvin’s voice suggested from the doorway.
Yuan jumped, the ladle clattering to the counter as he instinctively reached for one of the knives. “God, Alvin! Warn a man before—”
“As I tried to tell you before,” Kratos said with a trace of a smirk. “Alvin is here.”
Yuan took a deep breath and put the knife back in the knife block. “Duly noted.”
“Seriously, Scorch—is this the railroad guy again, or is this something else?” Alvin asked, making a beeline for the icebox.
“Something else,” Yuan said, pouring the last of the stock into the rice and reaching for the green onions.
“Well, don’t keep me waiting,” the investigator prompted, arranging a trio of bottles and three limes along an unoccupied part of the counter and then reaching for glasses. “Is it related to my new job?”
“Yes, certainly. And I think I might have figured out why.”
“New job?” Kratos asked, leaning past Yuan to switch off the stove.
“New job,” Alvin confirmed. “Someone called Gilberto Gaspari hired me to keep an eye on Yuan for about a month.”
“So much for your client confidentiality agreement,” Yuan observed.
“Oh, did I say that name? Whoops, must have tipped a few too many earlier,” Alvin said with a wink as he mixed their drinks. “Glad you got more limes, it’s not a Prohibition Sour without the sour.”
“You raised such a fuss about them last time that we dared not go another day without them,” Kratos said with a remarkably straight face. “You’ll notice that I restocked the lemon syrup and soda water as well.”
“Hey, you’re not locked in to hot leaf juice all the time now, and no one will even arrest you for it. You’re welcome.”
“So what have you done that makes Mr. Gaspari so interested in you, Yuan?”
“Well, if he is who he says he is,” Yuan said as he started dishing out the risotto. “Then I’ve made myself quite unpopular with him and his brothers. I mentioned that I don’t keep in touch with my uncles, Kratos.”
“That you did, yes. So why are they suddenly interested in you? I doubt they wish to send you missed birthday cards.”
“Might have something to do with getting Arrigo Gaspari arrested last month.”
“Sounds like you’ve stirred up a hornet’s nest,” Kratos said, sliding a piece of chicken onto each of their plates.
“I had no way of knowing he was going to be there,” Yuan objected as he took his seat and his drink. “I’ll level with you, I was actually trying to get one of our associates arrested. Sandro Benenati was a menace and needed to be dealt with.”
“I find it difficult to believe that Mithos would encourage just arresting him,” Kratos pressed, giving Yuan a cool stare over the rim of his glass.
Yuan sighed. “Of course Mithos wanted him relocated to the bottom of the bay. But you know I don’t like doing that.”
“You weren’t afraid that he’d talk?”
“Not really,” Yuan said. “Benenati was a bit of an idiot, but not so much of an idiot that he couldn’t point a gun.”
“He was a mugger, right?” Alvin asked. “Common street thief?”
“No so common.” Yuan shook his head. “He had a nasty habit of targeting high-profile people. Lots to steal, but also got a lot of press for it. But the thing that I really wanted taken care of was the particular gun I last saw him use.”
“Oh?” Kratos asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah. You think my gun is conspicuous? It at least looks like a Peacemaker from a distance. Benenati recently started using a goddamn shotgun. A very new shotgun.”
“The hell, you say?” Alvin asked, raising his eyebrows. “What, did he have a getaway driver too? Those aren’t the easiest thing to conceal, most street thugs prefer something smaller.”
“Getaway driver,” Yuan grumbled, stabbing his fork into a piece of chicken with slightly more enthusiasm than was necessary. “Mithos reckoned he had designs on starting an outfit of his own—which, of course, is the last thing this city needs. But I’d had it up to here with his disregard for collateral damage anyways, regardless of what Mithos said about it.”
“So you engineered an arrest for him? And got Arrigo Gaspari as well?”
“Exactly.”
“So what had you so specifically concerned about the shotgun, then?” Kratos asked. “I don’t follow.”
“Can you think of anyone, besides me, who keeps a shotgun on hand, Kratos?” Yuan asked.
“Can’t say that I do. And you don’t really use it.”
“And even mine is quite old, yes?”
“As far as I know, yes.”
“And just where does one get a shiny new shotgun?”
“I’m sure I don’t know,” Kratos said pointedly.
“I’m not sure I do either,” Yuan said. “But I’ve seen a couple of them around. Mostly in Acerbi hands.”
“You think he was a spy?” Alvin asked.
“I don’t know about spy, I think he was too stupid for that. Turncoat, perhaps.”
“And you’re still not worried about him talking?”
“No, not really. No matter who he’s working for, confessing anything would be bound to make someone mad. Might save him from execution, but to what end? If he sells out either of the hands he’s playing to the police, whoever remains of that gang will kill him.”
“That is an unusual amount of faith, coming from you,” Kratos said after a moment of slack-jawed staring.
“Well, that, and the fact that dead men tell no tales.”
“I don’t follow, Yuan, surely you don’t have contact with a hitman in prison?”
“Did I say hitman?”
“For God sake, Yuan,” Kratos said exasperatedly. “Speak plainly.”
Yuan sighed. “We need better dinnertime conversation.”
“I’ll stop eating until you finish,” Alvin said, leaning back in his chair.
“Last month, the police caught Sandro Benenati and Arrigo Gaspari trading liquor and opium on the edge of Little Italy,” Yuan said flatly. “Both arrested. Gaspari killed Benenati in prison after a week.”
Kratos pinched the bridge of his nose. “And if Benenati didn’t talk, then why did Gilberto Gaspari hire Alvin to trail you, specifically?”
“Because of one Mr. Dario Croce. Turncoat working with the Acerbi and the Undzer Shtik.”
“The Undzer Shtik?” Alvin repeated. “This isn’t just between Italian gangs anymore?”
“Doesn’t seem to be. Mithos said that Joey Zawinski was assassinated, with a ‘power vacuum and an arms race’ as a motive. According to Croce, he drank poisoned absinthe that was traced back to us.”
“Zawinski,” Alvin repeated. “Yeah, I’ve heard that name. Jewish crime boss whose gang mostly runs narcotics trades and arms-dealing schemes, but they pale in comparison to some of the Irish gangs on that front.”
“You think that the new weapons that the Acerbi gang is using go back to this Joey Zawinski?” Kratos asked, rubbing his temples.
“I think it’s distinctly possible,” Yuan said. “And I’d say that between that, and what happened to us last night, that they’ve decided to try their hand at my game—shift the blame, cause doubt, cover their tracks.” He picked up his fork once more. “There. Business talk over. Enjoy dinner.”
“Business talk not quite over, Scorch,” Alvin objected, absently gesturing with his glass. “You said you had an offer for me.”
“I should think that obvious,” Yuan said. “I want you to keep tabs on the Gaspari men and their associates for as long as you’re in their employ, and let me know what you find out.”
Alvin grinned. “Pay me in lunches at Liu’s, and you’ve got yourself a deal.”
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