#but then dude gets killed by the murderer :( not cool
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moeblob · 6 months ago
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Impulsively shoving a guy's hand in your mouth after having the thought "oh just like when my little sister used to prick herself on a rose thorn" and then immediately being treated like a pet who ate something they shouldn't have? Wonderful. Thank you, Thane.
(also not pictured is Thane apparently trying to scrape your tongue with his hand BEFORE pouring the holy water down your throat because NO. BAD.)
#bewitching sinners#palmier baker#thane verashkova#accidentally ingesting vampire blood because of big brother impulses is wild#also the reason hes so alarmed is bc in that world you kinda soulbond to others and thats how you soulbond as a vampire#you drink each others blood and so hes flipping out because while he hasnt had your blood yet#hey your ex is going to absolutely kill me if we bond on accident and i dont think i wanna die like that!#which is VERY cool to know thank you thane im so glad your concern is actually less of being bound#but about being murdered thats really cool#also the fact thane is found in the library studying with arshem my beloved ex and is BRIBED TO LEARN RECIPES#by arshem with vials of mixed blood hes just CASUALLY CARRYING is like hey man#thank you for being group mum i love you for it#and then later on arshem actually is like oh thane you can drink my blood later since you havent fed for a while#and thane is super chipper about it like HECK YEAH THANKS !#hey boys youre adorable thank you for existing in this incredibly fucked up world#im in a choke hold with this otome im sorry#you ever try to be nice to a guy and think surely this will help him a little bit then you get background lore#and you realize youre probably making things A LOT WORSE FOR HIM by being nice#im going through it with my emotions as i learn about palmiers actions pre game swap so like#dude please i am BEGGING YOU palmier please have ONE redeeming quality in you at some point#i want to adopt one of the love interests as my son though and im obsessed with the fact he can speak fish#my son can speak to the fish and he gives me fish as a present bc i might need it later#and i do actually in fact need said fish later for another quest#thankyou my son i love you and i appreciate you youre amazing#gonna have to draw arshem at some point and everyone will immediately go yeah that makes sense
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doctorweebmd · 4 months ago
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the ‘why would anyone entrust Akutagawa with Aya remember what happened the last time he took care of a young girl 🤔’ is such a dogshit take. like bro are we gonna just forget his whole-ass younger sister who he dotes on or, idk, perhaps literally the fact that his villain origin story is that he COULDNT PROTECT HIS FRIENDS IN THE SLUMS i am killing all of you with hammers
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triglycercule · 4 months ago
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it must get boring as hell doing continuous repetitive genos like dust does. he probably constantly questions how his human can keep on going and like not get bored (me too tho ngl because what type of person is out there that's trying to minmax every single undertale geno route interaction???) so i say he changes things up during his own process for a variety of reasons
sometimes when he's feeling REALLY apathetic he might just view everyone as stats and precoded scripts and lines and he just goes about the geno as if he was a player playing a video game (this is incredibly hypocritical because he's acting like the player but also this is dust sans we're talking about. pinnacle of hypocrisy. he'd deny any sort of human like actions because he's not the human and what he's doing is for the greater good). also its kinda fucked because it just means that there's been so many resets that he doesn't view his friends and family as simply people that he's taking the lives of but more as just npcs and numbers. but yk of course he moves on from that episode (and refuses to acknowledge the fact that he was acting very much so like the human. nope nope nope)
or maybe whenever he feels really really really shitty about himself he just lets the human kill him sometimes. he purposely interacts with other monsters before he kills them so he has to hear them beg for mercy. he just lets himself wallow in as much guilt and pain and misery as possible because its really really addicting to be sad and upset and feel bad. and dust is never like "hey i should stop doing this because its getting in the way of be killing the human" because he knows damn well it ISNT. he's still gonna be on that him vs. human grind no matter what even if he spends a few resets fucking around and being miserable and the humans always gonna reset anyways. ALWAYS
even if he's not at lvl 20 or something but still above the human in lv then maybe he'd kill them. but then that also means that there'd still be some monsters left because he nor the human maxed out their stats. so then that's just more suffering for dust (because i really think he'd like to make himself suffer because he feels so much guilt for what he did. his suffering is self inflicted and he knows that and still does it. good for him) because he has to walk around the underground knowing that there are some people hiding in corner or something watching him and scared that he's gonna kill them because thats what he did to everyone else. some nicer monsters might go up to him and try to talk to him but dust doesn't have the chill welcoming friendly vibe sans does anymore so it's just creepy and awkward. angrier monsters might try and yell or fight him and dust just sits there and takes it because theyr totally right. to them it might just look like he killed monsters just for shits and giggles one day and theres no way for him to explain the resets without people just forgetting it in the first place so theres not much he can do except accept the suffering. what in the mental masochism
#i'm in love with dust sans did i mention this. did i forget to tell you. well im telling you now#I LOVS DUST!!!! I LOVE YOH DUST SANS I LOVE YIU!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!! he's soooo fucking awesomerahhhhggggg......#so real so real so real so real he's so me he's so me#dust deciding to stay in misery because being sad and upset is easier than having to put in effort to improve is so fucking real GOD#literally every post on my followed tags tab is all killer. all killer. all colorkiller. everything is killer#where the HELL is the dust content. horror content??? i am getting upset here where are the dust and horror posters#if nobody's gonna do it I WILL. i'm the hero that i need. the hero that nobody fucking wanted at all#listen i strive for an equal amount of mtt content if theyre not equal it makes me sad. so i will be the equalizer#horror post also upcoming soon be ready for that drop#i've been playing hi3 so much lately ehehehe. :3. i am in love with the story#god i love fandoms so much..... i love utmv i love hi3 i love uhhh im not in any others but GOD i love making cool content and creativity#dusttale human HAS to have the absolute most undertale brainrot for the game to fucking break and for sans to go rouge#HOW MANY GENOCIDE RUNS IS ENOUGH BEFORE YOU GIVE UP DUDE. CMON MAN YOURE HURTING DUST SANS HERE!!!!!#dust sans#murder time trio#bad sans gang#bad sanses#nightmare's gang#utmv#sans au#tricule rant#it's 3 am someone save my sleep schedule please please please#i ended up going to sleep at 5 am. kill me now. average murder time trio sleep time (they would have terrible sleep schedules)
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woodsborostabathon · 24 days ago
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biggest most petty pet peeve is ghostface being depicted as like Just Some Guy. like jus some rando sexyman w no actual face behind the mask just vibes. “imagine being ghostface’s subby kitten uwu” mf WHO?? WHICH ONE??? its a PERSONA not an exclusively male entity of its own!!! u could be talking abt like (13) diff people and (4) of those are chicks!!!
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oozeandgoo-art · 10 months ago
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old drawing I never posted. i like these two freaks, I should draw them more
#rubin#skironir#oc#rukaan#humanization#skironir is fully on board with the murder for the record. She likes rubin because he loves to kill people and she thinks it's cool and fun#someone warned her when she was like human-nineteen (im not sure how to translate caribou ages to humans LMAO could've been#anywhere from 19 to 25ish) that there was a weird loner freak eating out of the garbage and threatening people with knives and she went#'damn thats crazy. hes kinda hot. im gonna be his friend'#rubin (also approximately the same age as her) was like 'ive never had a friend before and im not going to start now. fuck off'#and then failed so hard at not having any friends that he fell in love like an idiot and now he's stuck with her forever and she can't get#rid of him. which works for skironir because she would be very sad if she did get rid of him#im not sure im gonna keep the she/her pronouns for skir. in all the stuff i've written for the deer game with skir i use he/him#but rubin using he/him pronouns in the mg!au also trips me up a bunch because i keep being like this is girl rubin he's a girl i made him#into a girl and now he's a girl. and then i get lost in the pronoun weeds LMAO#you undrestand#anyway i enjoy them a lot#very straightforward characters. they roll into town. they cause problems. they kill someone. they leave#i should make magical girl katjaana straight up just a dude. for balance. a dude who uses she/her and turns into a magical girl also#or maybe i could go full tuxedo mask with her.... idk#joke
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sketching-shark · 2 years ago
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Playing around with a more sketchy art style for both inking and coloring. Also more representations of the Monkey King as a sardonic and self-aware murder grandpa 2023.
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totheidiot · 4 months ago
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one good thing about writing a very time-period accurate short story set in the 70s is that i can make a part of my character's backstory that he summoned the ghost of winston churchill and that was how he had realized that he just had the ability to summon ghosts.
#my character is a journalist and is 24 years old in the events of the story#the story is about a murderer and stuff and the murderer killed a person and another character saw it and the murderer attended his old#high school so he recognized him but wouldn't tell anyone#he is a shit liar so everyone knows that he knows something they don't so he is vaguely on the suspects list#but then dude gets killed by the murderer :( not cool#the journalist in search of leads decides to take matters into his own hands after that because his detective friend who is in charge of#the case is strangely despondent (she is helping the murderer#the journalist doesn't know that)#so. he just decided to summon the ghost. he had a history of summoning ghosts#first one was purely accident and happened when he was 14 and happened in 1965#basically the terms of the ghost summoning is that#exactly four days after the person you want to summon dies lie exactly four days like exact#time and everything#and you have to mutter their last words to yourself#that is the only way and you have to time it precisely or else you will miss it#and it's not impossible to summon the ghost#churchill was the first one and completely accidental#he was an angsty teenager at 14 and by the luckiest coincidence he says “i am bored of it all” at the exact time#and then there was winston churchill. just there#a ghost can stay how long as they want if they wish it completely up to the ghost#churchill didn't even say a word bro just left as soon as he was summoned couldn't be summoned again#the journalist dismissed this as a crazy hallucination at the time but he decided to test it out and he did so in 1966 and with preperation#the ghost he was trying to summon was walt disney and he did it confirming his theory !!#OKAY THATS IT FOR EXPLANATION#shoot me an ask if you want me to explain this story particularly !!#🍂 arian's shit#writing#short story#story
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reginaofdoctorwho · 2 years ago
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watching a show from the 80s/90s and SOOOO fucki ng mad this would be controversial now. this shit sucks we went backwards
#it's quantum leap btw#for anyone who doesn't know it it's about this guy named sam beckett who ''leaps'' through time into people's bodies and changes their life#and he HAS to change it to get to the next leap#like there's one where he becomes a wimpy teenage boy whose sister is engaged to an asshole#and his buddy al (who is w him holographically) tells him she ends up murdered by him or something#and she's already being abused but the show was like 'victims DO get stuck and think they have no choice but to stay'#and basically he gets the fiancé to almost kill him in front of her (and other witnesses) so that she gets the courage to break it off#and there's one where he becomes a beauty pageant contestant whose friend (another contestant) is tricked#by the pageant photographer into taking nude photos he would later sell and she'd leave home and go missing#this dude (as a like. 5'6" woman) dangles the guy out a fucking window and threatens to drop him until he gives them the film#he's also wearing makeup and dresses and heels during the episode and at one point hair extensions#and there IS a new series now and they JUST had an episode w their leaper (named ben song) leaping as a woman#and like he was wearing the dress and heels but no makeup! where's the stewardess required lipstick??#but also the new one is great and has a canon nonbinary character who is so fucking cool#but ALSO the original was like. actually popular and the new one is so fucking underknown#and the original had an episode about an interracial couple during race riots and was very on the side of acab#and had a line about how it didn't actually start that day#that it started with the refusals to hire because of race and when the first baby went hungry because of it and#the cops targeting people for their race and you fucking KNOW that people would be going fucking insane now about it
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years ago
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Janeway really said “I’m gonna hunt him down no matter what the cost. No matter how long it takes. If you wanna call that a vendetta-” like ma’am you KNOW that’s a vendetta there’s no IF
#watching equinox and I love when Janeway gets to have a BIIIIIIG gun too big for#Also...can we take a moment and talk about the Equinox's first officers voice??? My GOD....why is his VOICE handsome??#also those shots of them going around the ruined Equinox ship in part one were SO cool...the ravaged ship and the bodies lying all over !!#their idiot evil emh still trying to look after his morally bankrupt crew...-pats his bald head-#Humans WOULD take good luck spirits from an alien culture and slaughter them to make their ship go faster that's just such a human move :/#specifically a...........no I shan't say it#livetweeting#I lovelovelove villains who are sympathetic while also being absolutely in the wrong#Like I feel so fucking bad for this crew of people running on fumes terrified out of their minds in this impossible situation they didn't#ask for or seek out (they were even worse off than Voyager being just a short term science vessel and losing half their crew IMMEDIATELY)#with their only entertainment being looking at interactive pictures of alien landscapes (with no people in them) but also they're killing#sentient lifeforms - aliens - people. & they're doing it with some remorse but not enough remorse to actually ever stop#Their black science officer dude ALSO has a handsome voice!!!! Just have those two at the helm when talking to aliens and I bet your luck#would turn around Ransome#EHEHHEHEHE Guy: That'd be murder#Janeway: You could call it poetic justice <- notably still murder#YEESSSS JANEWAY'S DOING ACTION villain LINES AGAIN!!!!#'We all make our own hell mr Lessing....I hope you enjoy yours.'#This episode is LITERALLY mirrorverse Janeway and it's just canon Janeway#Women DO contain multitudes! (the capacity to condone and commit heinous acts of torture when it satisfies a personal vendetta)#Janeway's literally SO pissed that Chakotay wouldn't let her torture a guy hehe my GOD...#she's SEETHING#SHE LITERALLY RELEIVED HIM OF DUTY BC HE HAD MORALS#Kathryn really walked off like it was a serve 'I was about to ask you the same question...' GIRL YOU ALMOST TORTURE-KILLED A GUY#HEHEH HE /SAVED/ HIM#Janeway said 'you not rocking with me??? I'm going to kill one hostage upon the hour.'#Also for some reason Seven & The Doctor singing Clementine is making me want to cry
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ell-if-i-know · 1 month ago
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just watched sucker punch
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d1anna · 3 months ago
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sorry i haven’t been online i’ve been hyperfixating on bolstering my dynasty in ck3
#on my fourth high king of ireland!! had a rough start since the vassals were all like you need a regent ☝️🤓 since your family has been rulin#g for so long#and i was like ugh fine for like a year and then i deposed my regent after she made me the scapegoat of making the crown a higher authority#(which she wanted me to do but i did it since i revealed that she was the one who forced 😋 my hand)#and then i had to wrangle the faction that came about after we lifted the crown authority and i tried to murder the earl who started it but#then i tinkered with my perks and did a feast with him as the honorary guest and made me him love me 😁#and then all was right#but now i have to figure out my succession since my wife decided to only birth sons (we have like five)#tried to get my second eldest to take his vows (become apart of the clergy) but he was like lol no i’m too ambitious for that pops#actually my third eldest since my second eldest did take his vows but now he’s my archbishop!!! so i’m like you still have lots of power if#u want dude!!! but now i’m going to have my two youngest take their vows (hopefully) but if not my heir might have to do some fratricide or#the like 😞#i at first wanted to set out on forming the empire of brittania but we’ve gotten super rich and famous just as the kingdom of ireland#also every monarch of england is super vulnerable (i would know considering i’ve killed six of them in murder schemes including one who was#my lover 🙄 sorry sybilla i just thought you were not cool for flipping me off after i won our game of chess just like super uncool you know#but if anything happens i will set my sites on the kingdom of alba since the king i was friends with just died but alba is almost as chaotic#as england like i married off one of my daughters to the king but then he got deposed in a liberation war (which he asked me to join him in#i did but i didn’t do anything to help since i hate raising my military since it takes such a big toll on my economy)#and i bought my daughter and her husband back to my court in ireland and the new king of england started bitching at me because he knew i#had him in my court and i was like well damn that sucks for you but im not letting this dude go if i know i have this boon on you 😁#(boon being his claim to the kingdom of england and all those duchies etc)#anyway i love political intrigue and making money it’s fun#dianna.moon
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areyouwho-ithinkyouare · 2 years ago
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people who haven’t played baldur’s gate 3 in it’s early access but who PLAN to buy it at release i really cannot express how much more interesting the story is (at least in the 1st act that we’ve had in EA) if you play a non-good character. You don’t have to be fully evil but there is so much extra content you dont see if you just go in,kill the villains, save the good guys.
#also there are a load of WAYS you can choose to be not-good and they all offer you a different experience and a different story#you can be a classic murder-hobo or you can be a backstabbing little cretin or a true evil villain#and there are so many options and paths and events you can experience in different ways depending on your flavour of evil#whereas if you play it as a good character… there might be SOME variation but it’s nothing major#nothing that really alters the way the story unfolds#there’s an ending where you TELL the good guys you’re gonna work against them#and there’s a completely SEPERATE ending where you tell them you’ll protect them but actually double-cross them#and there’s an ending where you tell them you’ll help them and then tell the bad guys you’ll help THEM and then actually you just#kill them all#and those all FEEL like seperate stories and they set you up for the rest of the game (act 2 and beyond) in very different positions#and the game also gives you like. decent justifications for making more ‘evil’ choices which is RARE#it’s rare for a game to say ‘you might only survive if you’re evil’ which obviously isn’t true but it sets that idea up#so that you can RP a character who maybe isn’t outright sadistic evil#but who is willing to do what it takes to survive#idk dude the whole thing is just. much more interesting if you allow yourself to make morally questionable choices.#my ‘hood’ playthroughs have always been much shorter/faster because. well. your path is clear.#and if you want to really dig in and see all of what the game has to offer….. you’ve gotta get away from the main path#my first play through was good#and in the bit where you break into the bad guy’s base for the final confrontation i just.#went through room by room killed everyone and was like. cool job done i guess.#COMPLETELY missed some really interesting cutscenes and RP moments that give you chances to shift the whole final arc of that plotline
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holycrimin · 4 months ago
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In honor of me getting my first ever TMNT Comic,
here's Leo with a crush who gets overly excited when gifted something they're obsessed/hyperfixated with (cough definitely not me cough)
while I did buy the comic for myself (it was an Eastman and Laird's TMNT adventure special) I wanted to explore this more because my brain is way too active and i need an outlet lol
pls dont blame me if its a little ooc, im trying my best and this is impulsive T0T
note: Reader uses they/them, Leo is a massive dork, semi proofread
2012!Leo x Expressive!Reader
Saw something he thought you'd like while on patrol,
"Hey guys, you think they'll like this?" He looks throught the window.
They snicker and shit on him (lovingly in a sibling way)
Whether it was a poster or figurine or comic, he's getting that baby just for you
Obviously he'd get it by paying because stealing would be wrong.
And by paying he means snatching it in the middle of the night and leaving a twenty with an apology note
Because that's what heroes do
anyway
Hops up to your apartment,
(with his brothers watching from the shadows because they absolutely cannot resist a good show. yes, even Donnie; like a true hypocrite)
He makes sure that neither your parents are there with you and he knocks on the window
You, with your ultra smart brain, immediately knew it was him because it was either that or a murderer that climbed up to specifically your window to murder you
which was unlikely, but hey, so was being friends with a giant turtle
You open your window and are immediately greeted with a shiny (not-so-brand new) comic/poster/figurine of the thing you talked about nonstop for weeks. maybe months. actually now that you think about it it mightve been year—
"Hey."
"Wh-"
"No way. NO WAY." You take it out of his hands (gently) and look at it in awe, before looking up at him with a dazzled expression
(If you squinted you could see sparkles coming off of you)
"What- Where- Dude. Where'd you even find this?!" A wide grin on your face as you look at him.
"Oh y'know.. Patrol and fighting bad guys, awesome stuff. Uh, then, y'know.. I found some merch that I thought you'd like."
"Dude he's seriously blowing this." one of the guys (mikey) whisper. "Yeah, he's worse than Donnie." he says, earning a 'Hey!' from Donnie.
Leo glares at them for a second before turning his attention back to you.
You let out a giddy giggle, "ahh! dude!"
"Dude." You set it down gently and put both of your hands on his shoulders. "I. Love you. So much. You know that?"
He blushes a little, "Well, I mean, it's not really a big de-"
"Not a big deal?! DUDDEE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Is this a marriage proposal?" You say, shaking him a little.
"Wh- um.. What?" Leo lets out a weak chuckle, he feels his face heating up. "Because I accept. Let's get married, I love you so much. Oh my god, you have no idea-"
Ohhh god.
Yeah, that does it.
Well, even more than it already has.
"Whahahaha... Okay, uh, You don't really mean that, do y-" Oh.
"..Oh, sorry, is that too far? I mean, I do it with my other friends, but I'm not sure- Leo?" Yeah, no this is going to kill him. Kinda pathetic, huh? That a kiss on the cheek could send him spiraling just like that.
"Ah.. hahahah! Okay cool, haha.. uh, bye! I'll ah.. see you tomorrow? yep. Yeah. Okay, bye!"
He runs off.
Aw crap.
Did you do something wrong? God, you hope not. Maybe you should tone it down next time.
"Smooth moves brother, really got them falling for you."
"Shut up."
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Total writing time: idk like 15-20 mins?
Any fellow fic writers feel free to take inspo or even write a direct sequel to this, I just really like this idea and would absolutely love to read more abt it lol
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dannysdcxdpblog · 9 months ago
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a list of incorrect quotes from batfam and danny's group
bruce: I don’t remember that. dick: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door? bruce: …No. dick: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles? bruce: Not especially, no. dick: It was in between those two things.
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tim: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.
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danny: tim, we tried things your way. tim: No, we didn't. danny: I did it in my head and it didn't work.
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bruce: If you think I’m playing favorites, you’re wrong. I love all of you equally! bruce, earlier: I don’t care for tucker.
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barb: :) damian: >:( barb: Turn that frown upside down! damian: ):< barb: Not sure what I was expecting…
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dani: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads. barb: Yeah, it’s a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off. tucker: Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We’re safe now. bruce: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.
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steph: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group. jason: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? steph: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.
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damian: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder. damian: glares at bruce bruce: Well, sorry I have morals!
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bruce: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time. tucker: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.
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danny: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.
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danny: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- dick: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!
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dick: I am not a whore, and, not that I’ve done the math, but, if I were, I’d be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.
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tucker: Some people are like slinkies. bruce: What? tucker: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. bruce: bruce: Please don't push tim down the stairs. tucker, pushing tim down the stairs: Too late.
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tim, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.
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dick: Is five a lot of followers? danny: Depends on the context. danny: On Instagram? No, not a lot of followers. danny: In a dark alley? Yes, a lot of followers.
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chronicdisasterwrites · 1 year ago
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gotta keep these kids on leashes
pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader, geto suguru, shoko ieiri (gojo’s past arc)
genre + warnings: - MAJOR FLUFF !! alooot of swearing, smoking, sexual jokes, mention of grandparents doing it (lmao you gotta read it to understand), reader wants to murder the bois, suguru wants to die, everybody is CRAZY!
word count: 3,350 (rip)
summary: OKAY i wrote it. the dynamic quartet is back doing... nothing good. suguru gets hit on, the three losers do crazy stuff and surprisingly no one dies (shocker) :0
enjoy this tomfoolery <3
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The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the curses are dying and you're not the one doing the killing, your head isn't pounding and your bed is so, so soft. Your window is slightly parted so the cool breeze is making the curtains dance and your skin prick. Nuzzling your head on the plush pillow and pulling your blanket higher so only your head is visible, you open your eyes, check the time, remember you have no classes, smile to yourself and dive back into the warm embrace that is sleep. 
Until the tranquil atmosphere is disrespectfully shattered by the idiots you call your ‘friends’.
Your door is kicked open and the sudden sound was enough to make you jump and reach for your katana leaning against the bedside table. Your vision is blurry but your katana is half unsheathed as you contemplate killing the two perpetrators. 
“Yeesh, you're hostile in the morning,” Satoru grins as he kneels on the ground and rests his obnoxiously large head on his obnoxiously large palms on the foot of your bed, like some petulant child who broke a vase and is now being their best self to appease their parents. “Nice bedhead,” his grin gets exponentially larger and your hand twitches against the hilt of your katana.
“I told you we should've knocked. You never listen, Satoru,” Suguru sighs as he walks through the gap that used to be your door. 
Your morning is thoroughly fucked. The birds are dead, the curses are in your room, your head feels like it will explode and there are tiny fragments of wood all over your bed. 
Your jaw clenches and eyes darken as you fully unsheathe your katana with the pure intention of murdering these morons. 
“I will give you 10 seconds to run and hide.”
“Aw c’monnn,” Satoru’s obnoxious voice drawls as he attempts to pat your head, but before your blade had the chance to amputate his wrist, Suguru’s hand held Satoru’s away from you; therefore preventing a major bloodshed from occurring. Ever the mediator.
“Okay I think we pissed her off enough, Satoru,” Suguru says calmly as Satoru pouts with a small “Aw man”. Suguru lets go of Satoru’s hand as he slowly takes the katana from your hands and puts it into its scabbard. Releasing a breath he places his hand on your head and gently smooths down your wild mane. 
He drawls your name and you look at him with furrowed brows and a deep scowl. 
He chuckles, “We’re gonna have a day out and you can get all the mochi and pancakes your heart desires. Our treat, for ruining your sleep and…” he looks at the desecrated door, “…your door.” You hear Satoru whine about why you let Suguru touch your hair and not him and choose to ignore it.
He smiles when he sees the glint in your eyes at the mention of mochi and pancakes and your scowl gets smaller and brows get straighter. You sigh and get up off the bed, “Fine. I have to get dressed so get out.”
“Don’t be late, mochiii~ we’ll be waiting.” He manages to dodge the hairbrush you throw at his head perfectly as he jumps up to run out of the room while giggling like a schoolgirl.
Suguru laughs as he follows his dumbass friend out and you look at your completely fucked door, wondering what you did to deserve this. 
—-
“Can you shut up, please? I'm begging at this point,” Your voice is tired and your eyes are glaring holes into the brunette’s head as she laughs and chortles into oblivion. 
“They- broke your- they broke your door-” more laughter. “Dude this is a comedy-” more laughter and snorting. “comedy- gold-” Shoko slaps the table and wheezes as various strangers stare at the two of you and mutter among themselves with concerned faces.
You silently poke at your half-eaten cheesecake as you try to forget the events of the morning and ignore the moron sitting before you. 
“Why didn't they torment you like that?” you grumble as you cut up the poor cheesecake with your fork and turn it into mush.
Shoko takes heaving breaths and sniffles as she takes a sip of her matcha latte and drags her chair forward. Her voice is light and thoroughly amused, “Because I'm not fun to tease. You, on the other hand, are the best person to tease,” her lips tilt up to a grin as she stirs her drink with her straw.
You stare at her with dead eyes. “I hate you,” you deadpan.
“Yeah, I love you too,” her grin gets wider and a few chuckles escape her as she bites on her straw.
The mall was pretty packed considering it was the weekend. Pretty girls window shopping and checking out people with their pretty friends. Couples walking around holding hands and laughing at each other's jokes. It was fun to watch them live their lives, as you lived yours. You wish you wore one of your cute, normal outfits instead of your uniform, just for today. But as you look down at your uniform, you appreciate it more. This uniform got you through some crazy times. Some near deaths, some deaths, a lot of blood. You feel comfortable in it, and it doesn't look completely awful. 
Suddenly, you hear your name and Shoko’s name being yelled at in the distance and you both look at each other apprehensively and look around the little open cafe you were in. You quirk an eyebrow at Shoko and she shrugs, but then the sound of Satoru’s obnoxious voice yelling both of your names cuts through the chatter of the crowd and you both look to the side to see him running toward your table at full-speed screaming like an idiot. The moment he reaches your table he slams both hands down and heaves and wheeze as people stare at you with genuine concern.
“What the hell?! I've been looking everywhere for you two,” Satoru yanks Shoko’s matcha latte from her hands despite her “Hey!” of protest and makes a scrunched-up, disgusted face upon inspecting the bitten straw. He proceeds to open the plastic lid, chug the remaining latte, crumple up the cup into a tiny ball using his Limitless technique and drop it on the table for you and Shoko to gawk at. 
He then looks at your cheesecake-turned-paste concoction and makes another face of pure disgust. “Can't you losers eat properly? Jeez,” he complains as he takes your plate and finishes the cheesecake mutation in two bites.
“Satoru…” you sigh for the umpteenth time that day, as you pinch the bridge of your nose.
“What do you want?” Shoko completes for you with her nonchalant voice as she rummages her purse for her pack of cigarettes. At this point, you know you need one too.
He makes wild arm gestures like a cheerleader for every word he utters, “Suguru. Is. Getting. Hit. On.”
Your face is unimpressed and Shoko says “Aha” while holding up a pack of cigarettes.
Satoru visibly deflates as a look of pure shock crosses his face at the shameless nonchalance you both are portraying.
“Okay. So?” you shrug as you pick at your nails with your teeth.
Satoru pulls your hand down and holds it there as he leans down and gawks at you with his jaw dropped and furrowed silver brows. 
“No, no. This is serious. Suguru is getting hit on and we're wasting time,” he stares into your eyes and you can see your reflection in the dark glass of his sunglasses. You bring up your free hand to fix your hair using his sunglasses as a mirror and something in his head cracks as he jolts up, grabs Shoko’s hand, and pulls you both towards the scene of the crime. You both scramble to take your purse and you leave more than enough money on the table before being dragged away by a tall, crazy man.
“Listen up. We are going to embarrass the shit outta him, okay?” He's walking faster as he makes his way out of the air-conditioned mall towards the outdoor food court. You and Shoko are reluctantly following him as you honestly have nothing better to do and you can't lie; embarrassing Suguru sounds really fun. 
“Roger that, sir,” you do a mock salute and hear Satoru chuckle. “What's the plan?” 
“You two will attack first. Shoko you gotta be as scary as possible and-” Satoru’s master plan phase-1 was interrupted by Shoko asking a tangible question. Or actually; questions.
“How scary? Can I slap him? Can I throw water on his face? Should I cry?”
Satoru groans and starts walking even faster. “Okay, you can do all of that, but remember your role is the ‘cheated girlfriend’, alright? You're mad but sad. Mad and sad.”
You hear Shoko mutter “okie” right as Satoru says your name, “You can act as the ‘cheated wife’ or something. Cry, latch onto him, beg him. Go crazy,” he throws a sly grin over his shoulder and you're concerned about the evil lilt his voice took when he said the word ‘crazy’.
“And what about you? What's your role?” you ask as you feel him slow down. You look ahead and see Suguru talking with a pretty woman with long, straight black hair. Satoru stops, steps behind you and Shoko, and says with his usual cocky demeanor, “You’ll see, Lil' Mochi,” and doesn't give you the chance to complain about the nickname as he shoves you both towards the victim of ‘Satoru’s Master Plan Phase-1’.
You and Shoko look at each other with devilish grins as you activate your inner drama queens and launch yourselves toward one unaware, unprepared Geto Suguru.
You gasp and squeal with a shaking hand against your open mouth, “Oh my- Geto Suguru?! How dare you! Especially now- how could-” You choke on a fake sob and place your palm on your stomach as Suguru slowly turns back with wide eyes and a bulging vein on his temple. 
“While I'm pregnant with YOUR CHILD?! You're inhuman!” you fall to your knees fake crying your heart out as you cover your face with both palms and try your hardest to not break character.
You hear gasps all around you and the sound of Suguru stuttering, and you wonder if you overdid it.
You then feel someone lift you with their hands on your arms. You glance to see Shoko acting all ‘mad and sad’ as you fall into her arms and fake cry some more.
“It's okay, I understand,” she pats your head with her soft hands and spits fake venom at an even more bewildered Geto Suguru. “He tricked me too. He was cheating on you with me first, you know?” You crank up the fake crying upon hearing this and you feel Shoko’s chest shake and you feel your concentration slipping.
Shoko nudges your head and you look at her with completely dry eyes, as you keep clutching your completely baby-less stomach. Shoko pulls out two water bottles and hands you one. She nods at you and you nod at her. You both look at Suguru and he looks like he just watched his dead grandmother have sex with his dead grandfather or something. He looks aghast. You and Shoko walk towards him and Shoko steps ahead of you as you wait your turn.
“This is for cheating on me, you spineless pig! Even though I was cheating on you too!” she declares as she drenches Suguru in cold water. You hear more gasps and you see the woman he was previously talking to blanch with wide eyes and a slacked jaw. Suguru stands completely still as his bangs drip with water and his left eye twitches in pure rage.
Well, it's your turn. You step up and stare him down and fear for your life when Suguru stares back at you with a dangerous look in his eyes. You gulp down your fears and put on the bravest face you can muster, “And this is for breaking my heart and my hymen! And you weren't even that good!” For the added effect you choke on a fake sob after the last sentence and dowse him in some more cold water. You hear a bark of laughter from the crowd and you huff and hold onto Shoko as you both slowly step away from him as his cursed energy slowly grows and grows. Suguru drags his hand down his face and flicks his wrist splattering water by his side when you hear an obnoxiously loud scoff followed by an even louder voice.
“Can you stop your cryin’? It's hurting my ears,”
Satoru stands there looking like a full-on trophy wife, left arm stacked with shopping bags and right hand on his hip. Dazzled in a silver satin shirt; he definitely wasn't wearing before, with the top buttons open and sunglasses perched on his head, giving the crowd a clear view of his glittering sapphire eyes and very open chest. 
You and Shoko gape at him in horror and you both look back at Suguru who looks like he might just explode. His uniform is soaked, his front hair is sticking to the side of his face, and his eyes just about look like they do when he’s fighting curses, except now they look unmerciful.
“Sugu, I'm done with my shopping. How about we go look at some furniture now, hm? ” Satoru slings the shopping bags over his shoulder and sends Suguru just about the sultriest look you've ever seen his face make. 
You glance at Shoko and she glances back, and you both bite your lips to stop yourselves from spiraling into a peal of uncontrollable laughter. 
Suguru seems to have had enough, as his eyes glazed over and he turns around to face the downright terrified lady. 
“You seem nice, but I have some…” Suguru pauses, rethinks his sentence, and continues with a curt nod, “Well, take care.”
He gives her the sweetest, fakest smile as she returns a smile that looks more like a grimace and turns away. She looks back again and sees you and Shoko clutching onto each other for dear life, Suguru still smiling at her with a twitching eye and veins popping on his temple and neck, and Satoru spinning around swishing his shopping bags and singing Suguru’s name like a prayer, and quickly walks away. 
The crowd slowly dissipates as you, Shoko, and Satoru stand in silence and Suguru slowly turns around, smile gone, and eyes narrowed, “You idiots… are lucky I didn't like her.”
You break first, and then Shoko, and soon the two of you are shaking each other, rolling around and laughing like absolute menaces. Satoru chortles seeing Suguru’s unimpressed poker face and walks up to him, placing the shopping bags down on the floor.
“C’mon it was funny and besides, we saved your ass. She seemed so boooring,” Satoru drawls and gags.
Suguru exhales as he closes his eyes and the muscle in his jaw twitches. Satoru finds a chink in his armor and grins. He's gonna break.
Satoru laughs and throws his arm around his best friend's shoulder and calls out to you and Shoko.
You two wheeze and try to catch a breath as you see Suguru’s serious face on the verge of breaking.
“Suguru, for the record, I thought she was really pretty,”
You voice your opinion with an innocent smile and Satoru facepalms. 
Shoko giggles and shoves you, “That doesn't help, you idiot.” 
You throw your head back and laugh, “I dunno dude, I think I lost a bunch of brain cells after that performance.”
“Not like you had any to begin with, Mochiii ~” Satoru mocks and you launch yourself at him as you both run around Suguru, you yelling profanities at Satoru and Satoru chanting “Mochi” and laughing like the actual spawn of the devil. 
Suguru finally cracks. Resting his hands on his knees, he bends down and laughs freely, uninhibited; like a child. Shoko smiles and takes out two cigarettes from the pack she safely kept in her uniform pocket. She puts one between her strawberry lips and taps Suguru on his drenched head with her knuckles. Suguru looks up, his laughter subsiding, and accepts the outstretched cigarette held between Shoko’s fingers. He places it between his lips as he rummages his pockets for his little orange lighter. Finding it, he lights his cig and holds it in front of Shoko, as she lights her one. They stand next to each other and smoke their cigarettes while watching Satoru teleport behind you as he grabs you by the waist and spins you around. The sound of his cackling and your screaming fades into the background as Shoko asks, “You think they’ll ever tell each other?”
Suguru leans his head back and blows smoke into the sky. As people start filing out of the food court, you and Satoru were the only rambunctious morons making all the noise in the entire area. He looks at the scene unfolding before him; your head is locked between the junction of Satoru’s arm as his knuckles attack you with fierce noogies. You’re giggling while flailing around like a fish out of water as you try to shove him away but to no avail. Suguru huffs a laugh and takes another drag of his half-smoked cigarette, “Maybe, but not without help.” He nudges Shoko’s shoulder with his own and gives her a devilish grin. Shoko chuckles and stubs out her cig on the sole of her shoe, “What were you thinking? Push their faces together or ask Yaga Sensei to assign them on a joint mission?” She snorts, “That’d be something.”
Suguru hums. He stubs the cigarette butt on the ground and puts it in his pocket and says grinning cheekily, “Nah, I was thinking something more ridiculous. Something fit for two morons of their caliber.” 
Shoko quirks an eyebrow and shakes her head with a smile, “Alright.”
You manage to escape Satoru's iron-clad grip after much effort. You boot him on his shin and make a run toward Shoko, tackling her in a massive bear hug. Shoko reciprocates the hug and you two waddle around conjoined like two baby penguins. 
“Ow! That hurt!” Satoru limps toward Suguru and leans on him with his arm on his shoulder while Suguru does a hand-clapping motion. He receives a flick on the cheek from Satoru for that. 
“That was literally the point, stupid,” you flip him off as he returns the very thoughtful gesture. You both chuckle and Suguru and Shoko send each other cheeky looks.
“Don’t think this is over, by the way,” Suguru says with a vengeance as he flicks you and Shoko on the forehead, to which you both reply with a small “ow”.
“I will get you all back for this. And it won't be pretty,” he ends his threat by flicking Satoru on the forehead; to which he replies with a whiny “I'm already injured, maaaan”.
“Bring it on, champ,” you grin and smack him on his back as you finally release Shoko as you pick up the shopping bags and swing them by your sides. Satoru joins you and takes a few off your hands as you all make your way out of the mall. The golden light marks your path with an incandescent glow. Time flies by incredibly fast when you’re with these children. It's scary, but at the same time, it's humbling. Being with them makes you want to live. They inspire you and drive you to reach greatness. They also make you want to store these precious moments into unbreakable vials or freeze time so you never have to leave. Nothing would go wrong, it would just be the four of you, through thick and thin, through blood and dust, through life and death. But you know you’re smarter than that. However, for today, you'll let yourself dream a little.
“So, how about some KFC?”
——————————————————————————-
a/n: not another slow-burn, pining, friends to lovers situation w satoru and reader whoops-
tagged: @porridgesblog, @stray-npc
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lesamis · 9 months ago
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1810s dashboard but it's niche drama
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💛 heartofanna Following
imagine cancelling someone for saying war is bad
🧵 sharethewoe Follow
#didn't expect better from w*rdsworth but some people i rly thought i could count on…… #anyway we will live to see this empire fall. can't stop history lol (via @heartofanna)
speaking as someone who was press ganged at the age of 17 to serve in his majesty's royal navy i couldn't be more grateful for your poem. young men like me are cannon fodder and you spoke for so many of us. fuck napoleon but fuck parliament even more.
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chatterpwned-deactivated78345629743
stable forgiving virtuous flourishing in my lane definitely not buying poison moisturized unbothered never been better
chatterpwned-deactivated78345629743
me when i lie
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🏛 mynoseisfine Follow
Settling this once and for all. What does the public actually think about the Parthenon marbles debate:
🦉 realminerva Follow
lol i know it’s you lord elgin
🦉 realminerva Follow
like we joke and all but fully aside from the fact that removing the sculptures from greek soil was vulturine and opportunistic etc, it’s really just the tip of a frankly gigantic mountain of imperialist bullshit. let’s not pretend we haven’t been brutally killing hundreds who resisted oppression in india, LITERALLY BOMBED A NEUTRAL EUROPEAN CAPITAL, and embarrassed ourselves in the charge against napoleon for years now. pathetic ass empire & evil as hell to boot. @mynoseisfine the greeks who carved your marbles millennia ago would kick your tory ass so hard
3661 notes
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🎀 emmawoodhousestan Follow
how do i still keep seeing thomas chatterton's final post being reblogged, wtf is wrong with you freaks??? he was seventeen it was tragic and horrible and happened ages ago. he was a kid just let him rest
294 notes
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🍎 masque-off Following
callout post for @castleyeah @lordsidmouth @officialcoe @parliamentofficial: they oppress, murder and famish the british working people & also suck majorly
⛪ castleyeah Follow
sour cuz you’re unfit to have custody of your own kids huh
🍎 masque-off Following
proud to be the dad of a newborn who could already rend your pudding spine asunder with a mere glance
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🦆 mallardturner Following
finished this today 😊
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44 notes
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😎 chadeharold Follow
why is it always “you’re risking your life and legacy & will get yourself killed before the age of five and twenty” and never how was swimming the hellespont the hellespont looked fun was it fun
🎭 loved-joanna Mutuals
ohhh my god you swam the hellespont five years ago?? wooow should we tell everyone?? should we throw a party?? should we invite famous hero of greek myth leander who swam the hellespont
😎 chadeharold Follow
@loved-joanna look we never had any beef & don’t have to start this now. it’s cool that you’re sticking up for my ex, you guys were friends first, but just know that i’ve always trusted your opinion on my work & genuinely respect and admire you & would still be up for a collab whenever.
🎭 loved-joanna Mutuals
yea sure why don’t your lips collab with my ass
😎 chadeharold Follow
on it boss
1009 notes
#literally call me. down if you are
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🍂 endymion Follow
sorry is it me or is the assassin who stabbed german bootleg wordsworth kinda…… ����
💄 biprincesscharlotte Mutuals
JOHN KEATS????????
2427 notes
#i'm p sure this is the author of lamia thirstposting on main??? help
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🌾 huntsmanx Follow
romanticism this romanticism that why don’t you romanticise universal suffrage and rights for labouring people
🌾 huntsmanx Follow
anyone else in jail for seditious libel
🏹 axelaidtotheroot Mutuals
lmao i'm one of the “anyone else”s and i know you’re enjoying family visits and apparently some kind of cushy armchair situation, plus tons of books. try being in here as a spencean dude they won’t even let me learn how to write. worst of all some evangelical came by yesterday just to proselytize & put me “on the right path” fml
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🗻 mounttambora Follow
y'all i don't feel so good :/
59 notes
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