#but then again I’m a closeted lesbian so nothing new

[funkylittlebidiot]

My mom has this talent where she’ll see a person who’s exhausted and prikkelly because they’ve just finished running a marathon in the pouring rain and decides that now is the perfect time to send a pack of starved wolves after them and then has the nerve to ask “why are you in such a bad mood all the time? Don’t you see you’re burned out!” Like it’s their fault their day just got worse for no reason

[korkiekenobiconfirmed]

I'm on a roll with the s/j/m hatred tn so I'm going to compile a masterlist of all her shitty lgbt/poc representation and why it sucks booty cheeks. it should be noted that none of this is meant as shade on any of the characters themselves... I actually happen to like quite a lot of them

EDIT: there are some nice additions to this post in the notes you can check out

LGBT rep

Aedion (Bi/Pan)

Literally known as “Adarlan’s Whore” (a nickname that references both his allegiance to the king and his tendency to sleep around)

His only same-sex relationship is with a vaguely-mentioned unnamed lover from the past (it’s not even said straight-up that they’re a man, but I’m assuming they are bc they’re mentioned to be a commander of the Bane)

He’s shown being attracted to women and only women for two and a half books. He’s a womanizer retconned into the slutty bisexual stereotype

His liking men & women is compared to prostitution

It’s insinuated in koa that he slept with an ex while he and Lysandra were fighting (because the cheating bisexual trope is such a new & creative one!)

Helion (Bi/Pan)

He’s always trying to have 4somes with three of the main characters

Realistically he’s probably one of the most powerful/interesting High Lords but this gets sidelined in favor of him flirting with eVeRyOnE

All we really know about him is his name and the fact that he’s a bit of a manwhore… very 2-dimensional

He has an affair & a child with a married woman… just the Slutty/Cheating Bisexual Trope (Volume 2) :/

Mor (Lesbian? Possibly bi?)

She’s never shown in any real relationships (with men or women)

She had tragic off-screen relationship with a mortal queen a few hundred years ago

We get literally no hints that she’s gay throughout the series, she just randomly mentions she likes women at the end of book 3

She gets no happy relationship, she stays closeted to spare Az’s feelings (as though he’s not a grown ass man), she’s retconned into her sexuality most of the way through the series… just shitty shitty rep all around

Hasar (Lesbian)

She’s a villain, and a shitty one at that

Lesbian rep from a side character in one novella that half the fandom didn’t read? What’s even the point?

Thesan (Gay)

A very minor character & his unnamed “lover” who serve no narrative purpose whatsoever… thanks for nothing sarah

Emrys & Malachai (Presumably gay)

Oh look! More minor, background mlm that might as well not exist for all they do for the story :/

They are cute though, I’ll give them that

POC rep

Nehemia

First (and only) black main in ToG

She dies to fuel the white protag’s character arc… a very tired trope

She was actually a pretty well-written, likable character up until her brutal murder, which made it that much worse to hear about her organs strewn all over the room

Sorscha 

Described as “plain” (particularly in contrast to the white women like Aelin & Lysandra)

We know she’s POC because of where she’s from, but the way her features are described suggest she could still be white

Dark hair, gold eyes, “tan” skin

She really just fawns over white-boy Dorian every 2 seconds before dying a violent death to fuel Dorian’s arc…

…Aaaand I’m sensing a pattern here

Nesryn

Much of her character (especially in QoS) is reduced to her beefing with Aelin (and thus being villanized by the narrative) because of jealousy over Chaol 

Simply described as having “tan” skin (again). I think sarah is allergic to calling people brown

She is also described as plain compared to white protagonist

She has a (presumably middle eastern) family that only wants her to stay home and be a baker/someone’s wife

Yrene 

Once again very racially ambiguous to the point where she could even be white, with “tan/golden” skin, golden hair, and golden eyes

She almost immediately ties her literal life force to a white man she hated like a month ago. Seriously, can WOC not fawn over a hunky white man for once?

She defeats erawan in the end — considering she’s been a character for such a short time, this just feels more like a deus ex machina the anything really set up by the plot

Helion 

Not going to fully rehash what I said above but generally… he has great potential, but is basically not a character

Tarquin 

He’s portrayed as very nice and reasonable, if young and naive, yet he literally only exists to get manipulated/robbed by the main characters

He seems like such a sweetheart. He deserved much better than Riceman and Feyrug doing him dirty like that

I’ve heard rumors of a High King/Queen F*ysand plotline in later books…if that happens, Tarquin will likely be bending the knee and forgiving the people who fucked him over just a short time ago

Lucien

He’s described as very caring and loyal (yay!) which seems to always get him taken advantage of (damn!)

He’s portrayed (especially in ACOWAR) as someone we’re supposed to dislike when all his actions are perfectly reasonable

He’s literally retconned out of being white when it’s revealed Helion is his father instead of Beron. I’ve seen ppl get mad at “white-washed” fan art but it’s hard to expect much else when his original character description was straight red hair, amber eyes,  and “tan” skin (holy shit agAIN)

The people of the White Fangs from TOG

They’re described as having black hair, black eyes, and “tan” skin

They live isolated in the mountains (away from civilization) and are described as “savage” and warlike, always raiding villages in the mountains and stealing women away from their homes… 

Cain, who’s from these people, dabbles in dark magic/religion nobody else understands

This is feeling, intentional or not, like a horrible Native American caricature. Idk maybe that’s just me

[angelwithnightmares]

WARNING: LONG RANT AND EXPLANATION

I feel like I have to stand up for myself now when I’ve seen the way some of the people in this fandom have been spreading rumors about me on Twitter.

I’m going to take this from the beginning.

//

In November, I was kinda new on Twitter. I remember seeing a tweet in my feed, it said “Let Robin say lesbian in season 5” and to me, who lives in Sweden, the word lesbian isn’t a very “bad” word. It’s actually a very common and normal word here, and we have a bunch of movies and tv-shows when lesbian girls and women simply say: I’m lesbian! So to me, I had NO IDEA that in the US, it’s seen as a “bad” word and that’s why the fans wanted her to verbally say it. I totally get that now, but I wasn’t aware back then. Silly me then made a comment, because a very cute and funny little moment popped up in my head and I felt like: AH I need to write this. It was something along with:

“Or gay, because imagine how cute it would be if Will came out as gay, and Robin would say “I’m gay too”, and then a stunned Dustin (or someone) would say “Okay, so while we’re at it - does anyone else want to come out of the closet?” And then Mike slowly raises his hand.”

I didn’t think much more about it, and the next time I logged into Twitter I had gotten like 50 qrts with: LOADS of death threats, gifs with people murdering people, people calling me lesbophobe, people mocking my grammar, my age, people saying weird things to me about Will etc. I was in such shock, I deleted the tweet right away and had a panic attack. What the hell just happened? How did that made me a lesbophobe? I’m bisexual myself, and I LOVE lesbians. I have also a bunch of wlw ships that I love. But all that shit just because I didn’t know that the word lesbian was very uncommon for americans to say in American media and how they wanted to change that.

Anyways, I deactivated my Twitter because all these horrible rumors about me triggered my suicidal thoughts (I suffer from depression), I made a new one and people figured me out right away so I changed alias and pfp/header but people still figured out it was me.

I blocked every single toxic person I came across, a few months passed and one day I was on Twitter again. This time, it was about an analysis of a scene in Stranger Things. Me and an iconic Byler here on tumblr were analysing the scene when everyone says goodbye at the end of season 3. First, Mike looked uncomfortable af when El kissed him, and later on he looked uncomfortable when she was close to him, hugging and touching and making a forehead touch. In one of the gifs, to ME it looked like the hand movement from El was kinda harsh when they made that forehead touch and I just couldn’t understand how people thought it was cute. It was a personal opinion and just a harmless analysis. Both me and this other person were also saying “Nothing against El though, she’s a kid, but I guess if the roles were reversed - if Mike would be the one to kiss El with her not kissing back, with open eyes, looking uncomfortable and shocked, I guess people would have accused him for SA or something. Not that we did, but we know that it would look a lot more bad if Mike was the one who kissed her and not vice versa simply because of the statistics. WE NEVER ACCUSED EL FOR SA. We both love her and she’s my favorite female character in the show. I just don’t like the SHIP Mlvn and I didn’t get how people thought that scene was cute. It was simply an analysis, nothing more. Not an accusation. Not a hate post. That post had over 200 likes and LOADS of reblogs with people who thought the same. But still only me and my friend were attacked. That also lead to ANOTHER accusation: of me being antisemitic. Why?

In year 2006, I first started my YouTube channel. I was very interested in learning how to edit, so thanks to tutorials I learned by myself how to edit. I was 14 years old when I read Anne Frank’s diary for the first time and I saw so much of myself in her. I also loved the way she described her relationship with Peter in the diary, so I watched “Anne Frank: The Whole Story” from 2001 and thanks to my family I could get that movie on my computer so I could make tribute videos of her since she inspired me so much, to never give up on my dreams and to ALWAYS follow my heart and believe that every person is truly good at heart. I made my own trailer for the movie, because there was none to be found on YouTube. My edits became very popular for being back in 2007, and soon loads of people found them. 90% was so happy I made these tributes, that I let the memory of her and all the people who tragically was murdered by the nazi’s back in the 30/40’s live on. But there was also a bunch of REAL antisemitics who called Anne a bunch of horrible stuff in the comments, people who claimed the holocaust never happened etc and I was defending her and the other victims for dear life. I was so proud of my edits, like I said: I was 14 years old and she was my biggest inspiration. My parents also watched these and they didn’t think they were problematic in any way so of course I trusted them and their moral.

And yes, I also made two tribute edits of her and Peter (I didn’t even knew about the term “shipping” back then) but this person on Twitter said I was making “ship edits” about Anne Frank. I have made all of my old videos private now, mostly because of the bad quality but also because of this person who now made me embarrassed of them instead. I wouldn’t make these edits today. Here’s a glimpse of one of them:

Is this antisemitic in any way?

Anyways, because of this person + a lot of others, this made me and my friend to eventually deactivate our tumblr accounts. I hade SO much going on in my personal life back then too, so this was just too much. They found out things about my family situation and that made me freak out, I was threatening them with the cops just because they were attacking and stalking me and my family on a personal level. They were harassing me on TikTok. On DM. On Twitter. People were leaving me and I felt like shit. Luckily there was a bunch who still were standing by my side through all of this and I am SO grateful for you all. Never forget that, you guys made me come back here.

Also, now when one of my tweets became popular on Twitter, of COURSE these people found me and started spreading these rumors again. I found that out from some of my friends here, sending me ss.

I just can’t fucking believe these people. All because of a silly little tweet which ended up in a total DISASTER.

End of rant. I hope at lease some of you understand.

[askthebutch]

This may sound stupid on my part because I’m still new with being sapphic and getting to know butch and femme space culture . also English isn’t my first language, that’s why the grammar seems off or weird.

I find myself very insecure with my gender expression when it comes to dating and being sapphic in general, like I’m still struggling with it till this day. I feel like I have to compromise my gender expressionism with the liking of my masc/butch crush who prefers masc in general (this person doesn’t know that I’m sapphic, I’m not out of the closet just yet, I live in a homophobic household and country)

But here’s the thing I don’t mind being both masculine and feminine, but it feels like I have to forcefully express my masculine gender identity to the max so my crush would like it? Or at least for someone who is lesbian to notice me because I suffered a lot of ‘ you look straight’ comment it doesn’t also help that I look like a teenager even as I’m reaching my mid 20s.

I feel like I need an older bucth’s perspective on this matter of gender expression. Since I’m coming in terms on being femme it just further complicate things as I’m not too femme myself, I don’t like frilly clothes that much, im not into the color pink, but I don’t wanna call myself a masc/butch because I don’t follow with that label as well. It’s just a bit confusing (if you’re confused as well then I can’t blame you) I like make up and looking cute in a dress but I also like dressing up masculine , or should I say teenage boy style. I like both masc and femme but I feel like I have to choose so it won’t be so confusing in my future dating life.

Anyway thanks for reading this butch person, it means a lot if you read it (or even reply it) hope you’re doing well! 💙💙💙

First of all, your English is very good. You communicate clearly and eloquently.

Your gender identity, or expression, comes from exploring who you are and trying new things. That's especially hard for you because of the homophobia surrounding you. I'm from a very homophobic place too. It was difficult for me to come out, and to express myself as butch. It still is sometimes.

When you suppress your truest self for the sake of survival, any chance to express that part of you feels coming up for air from deep underwater.

Meeting another available gay person can be so exhilarating that we overlook signs of incompatibility. It just feels so good to be seen. Even if you have to change or close off a part of yourself.

But when we do that, the hidden part of ourselves remains and that weighs on us over time.

It's like living in a house and never opening a certain door. The space behind the door will always be there. And some days you won't notice. And some days you'll have to remind yourself that if you open the door, if you access that hidden part of yourself, then what you find might be so extraordinary that you can't shut it again. You're afraid that you'll find nothing at all. Or you're afraid you won't know how to explain what you've found. You become afraid that people will leave. But it's your goddamn house. It's your life.

Nobody's attention is worth shutting out all that you can become if you allow yourself to explore. Open the doors. Build an addition. Knock down some walls. It's your house. Your home. Your life.

[technicallywrite]

27, 36, 58!

27. Have I ever broken someone’s heart?

Well, I don’t know about broken, but there was this one boy in high school… Senior year in high school, I think? Well, technically two boys, who were already besties before we all ended up in the same class, if I recall correctly (this was 25 years ago, so forgive the vagueness).

The three of us (all giant nerds) started hanging out together a lot. I sort of developed a crush on one of them; it turned out to be mutual, he asked me out and we ended up dating for a few months, though it didn’t work out.

I believe he was the one who ended it but truth be told I remember being kind of relieved. He was a teenage boy, I was a budding closeted lesbian, there were things he wanted that I didn’t. (And conversely, there were things I wanted, like actually watching the movie when we went to see Titanic in its original theatrical run, that he wasn’t that into.)

But that’s not whose heart got hurt.

Unbeknownst to me, the other boy apparently had been nursing a crush on me the whole time.

I was blissfully unaware, so when he and I started to hang out a lot more —just the two of us— after his buddy and I had broken up, I thought he was just being supportive and we were becoming besties.

You can see where this is going.

We went to the movies a lot back then, so one uneventful Saturday (?) we go see yet another one together (don’t ask me what the movie was, I have no recollection) and on the subway ride home, just as we’re getting to the stop where he has to change lines, as the doors are opening and he’s preparing to get off the train, he just completely out of the blue turns back around and kisses me.

I, of course, am stunned; my brain segfaults, I bluescreen, and give him zero reaction.

Seriously, it’s a total romcom scene. I just stand there staring at him, probably looking like a fish out of water; he steps off the train and gives me a little hopeful wave as the doors close and the train starts rolling again.

I have an oddly clear memory of blinking and looking around, and seeing people looking at me with these big grins on their faces like that was the cutest thing they’d ever seen.

They weren’t around when I had to call my friend and tell him that no, I wasn’t interested in him like that, and he said he was going to need some space because it would hurt too much to be around me for a while.

We drifted apart after that; our friendship never really recovered.

That broke my heart a little bit too.

—

36. Do I give out second chances too easily?

I’m not sure how to gauge that. I regard error and failure as intrinsic parts of the human experience, because we are ultimately just imperfect thinking lumps of meat trying to navigate an extraordinarily complex maze, and this shit is hard.

We’re under all sorts of pressures and constraints from our past and present circumstances, from the people and societal structures around us, and from our biology.

Which is not to say we’re not responsible for our actions —we have to be, because who else otherwise?

However I fully expect people to make choices that I disagree with or disapprove of, some of which may be hurtful to me or to others, and I don’t believe it’s helpful or productive to take an absolutist view of any of it. Not to say that anything goes or everything can be forgiven —there are lines— but in general I default to a posture of forgiveness.

Of course, it helps that I’ve lived a reasonably blessed existence so far; nothing majorly awful has ever happened to me.

So, probably put me down as a yes, I guess.

—

58. My favorite weather?

Autumn in New England, hands down. Sweater weather. Crisp blue skies, a chill in the air; the trees ablaze with color.

[drowsyr]

hiii friend anon back again with some Thoughts on steve and robin!!

last night my best friend and i talked about nothing and everything on a phone call for nearly 3 hours even though we both have cars and live 10 minutes away from each other. we have a spotify blend and i think in a modern au steve and robin would have one that's 95+% compatible!

robin definitely makes those wool/thread bracelet things on slow days at family video and puts them all on steve; later when steve's bored he unravels them so she can start again :)

steve and robin discuss getting hair changes to sort of make a new chapter of their lives; they end up shittily box dying their hair in streaks in robin's bathroom one day

steve's hair they make pink and robin's is green. later on when they have matching crises about gender and their lack thereof, they go "well! this sucks, we just dyed our hair and now we forgot to cut and style it first." so the next day they go to a proper salon and get it cut-and-styled and they redo the coloured strands at home!!

they steal steve's mom's dresses and steve's dad's suits and dress up in them and have their own little fashion show - neither of them sticks to one specific type of outfit, at one point robin comes out in strings of pearls cascaded around her throat and delicate golden chains tucked into the collar of the shirt of the suit she's wearing; next steve comes out in a blazer and a flared blue summer dress

then they have a slumber party and they are fine!! everything is fine and they are amazing!! until the point where steve says "wait, robin, i don't think i've ever loved anyone like that (romantically) before" and they have to figure that out.

this happens in the span of like two days in which the rest of the party doesn't hear a word from them and then they're completely shocked when the two turn in for their monday evening shift.

have a nice day!! :)

hiiii <3

i know for a Fact that stobin has friendship bracelets like if u ever read a stobin post from me just know they are also wearing friendship bracelets

i used to be a camp counselor for many years and i made many many bracelets… i feel like robin and steve like to have something to do during their movie nights like they can’t just sit there and so i feel like they make a LOT of these bracelets.

i’m torn btwn thinking that robin already knew how to make them (learned from her parents, who i believe would encourage family crafting time when she was little) and thinking that erica taught them (maybe even while they were in the elevator? i can’t remember if she had her backpack but also little girls have bottomless pockets so. plausible)

i know in my heart of hearts that when robin offered steve the first bracelet she made him he was like oh🥺cool🥺thank you robin🥺 and was like. thrilled tearing up etc.

i feel like they make matching lesbian pride flag bracelets as like a subtle way of supporting robin (robin had the idea to make one then got too scared to wear it out bc like. steve what if they know what it means what if they notice. and he’s like robin if they know what it means then what do you think that means about them. and she’s like but oh my god steve but what if!! so he’s like ok make me one we’ll have more matching bracelets :) and robin was like aww stevie… omg ok!!(they’ll make bi flag ones when steve realizes/comes out))

also sorry to focus so much on the friendship bracelets but one more thing 🫣 i feel like el would looove making friendship bracelets like she sees the matching stobin ones and goes fucking insaaane she makes them for everyone (starting with max and mike then making one for robin as a thank you for teaching her <3)

also yeah. when steve picked up dustin for the first time he mocked the shit out of him for the bad hair dye but then he found out that both of them did it to match and he was like yeah ok this makes sense. still looks you guys did this shittily tho.

stobin loooove the harringtons closet. first of all though they do make a million closet jokes it’s actually insufferable. but they love it <3 but the party do not like the fact that by now if the word closet is said in any context they look at each other muppet style and crack up

also yes their sleepover conversations are rollercoasters… like when you trust someone so much and want them to know all of you good and bad it’s so fast to jump back and forth between elation and serious conversation…the girls love to gab!! and sometimes that gabbing means confessing the deepest parts of yourself bc the most important person in your life needs to know the most important things about you!!

[f1ghts0ftly]

As the country lurches forward into what I’m predicting will be a decade long conservative reaction against LGBT people, I can’t help but feel a little defeatist about our prospects.

I do not think trans activism, the way we understand it, will last as a cultural movement. Certainly not with popular support.

That being said, this isn’t going to usher in a new era feminism but rather a conservative reaction to anything and everything LGBT as well as an accelerated return of women back to their “traditional” place. An excess of left radicalism will be blamed for the rise of transactivism leading to a banishment of these things from public life. Child transition is the major flashpoint.

This is obviously already happening but I think things will accelerate and even liberal strongholds will become affected.

While I agree with some of the immediate effects of new conservative bills limiting access to transition care, I don’t like how much power conservatives have gained around this issue and I especially don’t like how organized queer and trans organizations have been unable to fight this.

Here are some things I do believe will stick around:

-Transition as conversion therapy for GNC gays and lesbians will not only continue but may become even *more* institutionalized. As LGBT backlash gets worse, more and more gay people will see this as a preferable “alternative” to living closeted. As a more patriarchal world becomes the norm, GNC individuals from the past will be automatically assimilated into a trans friendly framework making gender and sex seem inevitably intertwined meaning that LGBT people will lose examples and a sense of themselves outside of the trans framework. As backlash grows against gay people and Queer Politics, gay people will want to escape and hide. Im considering closeting myself again at work in New York, can’t imagine other gay women can’t feel the pressure from both sides all around the country.

-the widespread idea that if women don’t like their objectification, they are not women and that, to “be” a woman is to agree with misogyny. This will be reinforced and institutionalized with extreme public pressure to have children. There is an unholy alliance brewing between pop culture “anti capitalism” and “traditional values people”. Zombie Cottagecore.

So, what can we do?

There are 4 prongs we need to have in order to effectively fight this.

1.) CHANGING THE NARRATIVE:

Propaganda works, images, slogans, stories, songs works. We wouldn’t have misogyny constantly beamed into our eyeballs if it didn’t.

One of the most important things Marxist Theory has taught me is that individual people are responsible for their own collective liberation. Deeply internalize the mindset no one is coming to save you and things will keep getting worse. We save us.

That being said. We need to be ready to get more open, to be more bold and especially to demand that the more financially comfortable and established of us declare their allegiance to this movement.

This is a fight that is won through social networks and solidarity but we can’t form those networks of support without knowing who we all are. Be smart, take care of yourself, but really take stock of where fear is holding you back vs. good sense.

There are millions of women who can feel something is wrong, who feel uncomfortable in our male dominated world.

2.) GET THE GOODS AND INSTITUTIONALIZE OURSELVES AND GET CHECKS (again) :

Look, I am a communist. Nothing makes me more exhausted then the absolute minefield that is changing laws, building orgs and getting funding for our projects by manipulating politicians and trying to convince horrible, evil people that it’s in their best interest to support us. I’ve worked in mainstream politics before and I hate it.

But we need avenues to protect ourselves as we accomplish goals three and four, two is a stepping stone. Most importantly, we need to protect women from losing their jobs if they speak out. We need to create ways to protect private political speech and protect women who refuse to go along with misogyny on the job. This means bail funds, legal action, petitions, protests, news stories, actions etc...the works.

3.) BUILD AUTONOMOUS POWER/ UNITE ALL WOMEN:

I am still a ideologically a communist and not a liberal (this DOES NOT mean I think feminists should submit to the dictates of male led radical left) . What this does mean is that I do not believe reform is enough. I do not envision a future where men treat women well by choice. I envision a world where women are so powerful a man would shit his pants before acting up. A would were women are free. We must have real and solid power bases that only we can have access too.

We need to funnel money, womanpower and energy into both large women’s organizations and political parties as well as into autonomous women’s projects. Money, resources and labor. Money, resources, labor.

Living with men is a political choice, working for men is a political choice. Now, we all have to survive, so I don’t endorse shaming or blaming women doing the former but building roads to separatism needs to be at the front of our agendas. Supporting male dominance isn’t just “the way it is”, it’s a choice made to perpetuate the way things are now.

Many women do not see their continued support of political parties, organizations and charity organizations that endorse misogyny (both right and left) as a problem or even as a choice.

They also falsely see conservative women as the enemy when many socially conservative women can be easily flipped to our cause.

We need to be the alternative everywhere to everywoman and emphasize that we support both women in caretaking roles alongside women in other professions. What feminists do not support is male dominance.

Too often, left wing women are manipulated into supporting anti woman positions, like being pro pornography, making it easy for conservative women to distrust them. It’s important to underscore that we are for women and for moms and for female choice.

“Oh! You want to live your cottagecore dream?” Here is how you can do it without risking your safety.

“Oh! You want to go into business? Here is a whole network of industry contacts for you to work with.”

Women are not resource poor because we are stupid and don’t work hard we’re resource poor because we give all the good parts of us away to men, usually for free and this goes from women out in LA working in film, to women in education, to housewives. Men steal from all of us. Constantly.

And lots of women know that who don’t see themselves as feminists. We are protecting the fruits of our labor. Together.

I might become a mom but the tradwife life is not for me but I know there are lot’s of little Char’s growing up watching their moms try to be good little submissive wives (or rebellious wives like my mom) wondering wtf is wrong with them. Encouraging women involved in traditional roles to be autonomous can only have positive effects on the movement.

4.) CREATE SELF REINFORCING AND SELF REPLICATING SOCIAL STRUCTURES/FIGHT FOR THE FEMINIST FAMILY:

This is a neglected by necessary part of feminist vision. Not only should women control reproduction because it’s our right was women, it’s also how we can transmute our values to the next generation of young people.

How many second wave and third wave feminists ended up in a patriarchal marriage? How many others ended up in careers controlled by men and ending up adopting male supremacist ideologies? I know plenty. What do you think that taught their children.

Patriarchy is about Males controlling fertility. That’s it’s purpose. Therefore we need to ideologically capture mothers, motherhood and the childrearing process through rigorous support of female only co-living spaces, wages for childcare and dedicating ourselves to raising wages and working conditions for women in pink collar jobs. I want teachers and nurses to be respected (and paid) like Doctors and Engineers. Winning raises and increased financial autonomy for the masses of women will mean more money and ability of women. It will also mean children grow up cared for by, ensuring our success over and over for the next generations. It also means that women won’t have to seek male dominated career paths if they want cash money (and if she still does, we’ll have those sick autonomous female social structures, legal funds and orgs to help her navigate misogyny with as many resources as we can muster bc lemme tell you it’s a cruel ass world rn as a woman in a male dominated field).

Motherhood is expensive and labor intensive. Over 80% of women will become mothers in the US. Imagine if we could give 80% of women a fucking raise. Not just a raise, but the ability to completely walk away from the nuclear family model forever, without any negative financial consequences will undermine male supremacy at it’s very core. Leading not only to immediate positive impacts for women, but self replicating impacts for girls.

Even if say 30% of that 80% became serious feminists after that, it would be a huge, huge boon for the movement. In terms of reputation and power.

Boys won’t grow up seeing dominating fathers, girls won’t grow up seeing submissive mothers. Children will be neglected less, less likely to be sexually abused and cared for better across the board.

Mothers would be abused less, have more time for themselves, have stronger negotiating power at work and be more self reliant. Increased purchasing power means the market will pivot to cater to their needs and perceptions, shifting popular culture further away from misogynistic depictions of women.

This sounds like a big goal, but I think it’s more achievable then we think it might be and imo it can be pretty easy to exploit a lot of the tradwife rhetoric to convince women that our way is better. I’ve gotten A LOT of enthusiasm from conservative moms over this idea but the fun thing is, if we’re able to organize women as both unpaid care workers and paid professionals-we can undermine male power over women in the domestic sphere and in the public sphere, undercutting patriarchy and making it weaker over time.

Anyways, a bit of a long one but Tumblr won’t let me break this easily into small posts.

[gliyerabaa]

4, 23, 29 for the writer asks :)

hehehehehehe thank you Carson I love doing these <3

4. How many WIP's do you have right now?

Oh jeez, the actual number is not one I'm willing to count... But WIP's with the intention to finish and post... I think I'm sitting at around 4 right now?

Per Aspera ch. 24

angsty one-shot (the premise of this is actually really cool- an AU where Glinda goes with Elphaba after DG, becomes a healer on the front lines of the fight)

smutfic sequel, currently at nearly 6k words and still more to go 😔😔😔😔😔 (not actually *sad* about this necessarily, just like... all these words, going to smut...)

WIP that I may finish, it's more just a few sentences of ideas than anything, based off of this song

23. How do you choose where to end a chapter in multichapter works?

Ok so in my years writing, I've gotten a lot better at 1. writing outlines and 2. actually sticking to the outlines. Take Per Aspera for example, I have the overarching plot written down in a 13 page bare bones outline, and then I flesh each chapter out with its own outline more.

The only times I break in unplanned places is if the word count is getting to be Too Much. Chapters 13 and 14 of Per Aspera were supposed to be 1 chapter, but I decided to break it into two for readability's sake. Might wind up doing the same with the second part of the smutfic. We'll see.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic.

I've decided to share the unfinished doc that was the very root of the inspiration for Per Aspera Ad Astra. It's the beginnings of a short scene about the summer heat that I wrote in the dead of the coldest winter I've ever experienced. A lot of it is just scenario and context, but this unfinished doc is literally what started it all

It was a particularly hot summer afternoon, and Glinda was absolutely overcome with boredom.  Her parents were out of town yet again, and all her popular friends were on vacation- without her. They had all practically abandoned her the second she even mentioned the possibility that she might not be straight.  Small town life as a mostly-closeted lesbian wasn’t easy. Nearly everyone in the tiny Kansas town of Shiz had made their stance on ‘them strange city folk’ very clear.  And by ‘strange city folk’, they meant anyone who wasn’t straight, white, or Christian.  Her phone buzzed twice.  2 new messages from Elphaba Speaking of not straight, white, or Christian…. -hey.  -bored as hell, wanna hang out? Glinda sighed. Elphaba was her best friend and, to put it nicely, the town freak. She was the atheist daughter of the pastor of the only church in town, she was inexplicably green and unashamedly queer.  And Glinda was stupid enough to catch feelings for her.  She was bored out of her mind and needed something to do, but the very thought of spending time with Elphaba made her stomach flip in the best possible way.  She decided to type an ambiguous response. -idk. it’s sooo hot out and there’s nothing to do here anyway The response was almost instantaneous.  -we could drive to Wichita, do some shopping. I know how much you love shopping Wichita was almost two and a half hours away. There was no way she’d survive that long in such close quarters with the girl of her dreams. She needed an excuse. -ugh that’s so far away, besides, my parents just got me a bunch of new clothes for my birthday, I don’t really need anything -besides, you hate shopping -yes, I do. but it makes you happy and that makes me happy  Glinda blushed. Why did Elphaba have to be so infuriatingly nice? Before she could recollect her thoughts, her phone buzzed again. -we could go to Nanny’s. then figure out if we want to do anything else from there? -ooh, I’m starving. Nanny’s it is then.  -great, I’ll be right over Glinda’s heart was racing. She knew that she had no right to be crushing on her best friend this hard.  But her mind would always wander to Elphaba’s emerald green skin, her dark, captivating eyes, her gentle smile that she usually kept hidden from the rest of the world, that sweet, sweet smile that she wanted nothing more than to kiss- no, she banished the thought.  Needing to refocus her mind, Glinda rolled out of bed and decided she’d better get ready. She checked the weather on her phone: 90 degrees with 55% humidity, basically ridiculously hot.  She switched out of her t-shirt to a pink tank top and shorts. She heard Elphaba’s truck pulling into the driveway, so she kicked on her sandals, grabbed her purse, and hurried out the door.  The heat outside was oppressive. Glinda didn’t realize how much she relied on air conditioning until the few seconds she was forced to go without it. 

And that was all I had written in the doc. This is from February of 2019 so the style and characterization is a little outdated by my current standards. But, there it is. What would have happened, had this played out more:

they get lunch at Nanny's

they drive around in Elphie's truck, stop somewhere for ice cream

drive to a lake, unrestrained summer fun ensues

a first kiss in the back of her truck in the night, surrounded by fireflies

[theimportance-ofbeing-earnest]

A Letter to Harvey Milk

Dear Harvey Milk,

You don’t know me, but I know who you are. Sort of. I never learned about you in class, but I did try and teach myself about you. I must say, I agree with you on a lot of things. Especially on your stance as to people having a safe environment. I guess you could say a lot of your dreams came true. Gay marriage being one of them. Sadly, we’re still working on the others. Nowadays the government (basically the president) wants to take away the fact that gay couples can adopt children. I wish you were here. You’d probably try and fight back the fact that the government’s being controlling now more than ever. I’m guessing you want to know about what happened after you were assassinated. Well, in the 80s Ronald Reagan (yes, the actor) was elected president twice. Once in ‘81 and again in ‘85. Nothing good (towards the LGBTQ+ community) happened. It was mainly good towards other people. The Berlin Wall was torn down, and the threats/fears of a nuclear war went down. But for gay men and women? He did nothing except use his old fashioned ways to better himself. I’m guess you’re wondering why? Well, there’s this virus that can start off as HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), and AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome). HIV starts off as flu like, but can symptoms can go undetected for years. In ‘82, Reagan met a reporter who said, “well, what if I got infected?” Reagan just laughed like it was no big deal. Later on, we found out that the reporter was infected. Anyway, this is/was a common illness for gay men and women (at the time), and is/was incurable. (It still is, but there’s medicines you can take.) I just wish you were there to tell them what to do. Although, I do know a good friend of yours (Cleve Jones) did do a very good thing for HIV/AIDS victims and their families. You never got the story on Ryan White. Well, he was a teen who got AIDS through infected blood, and later had the infected blood injected into him. You’re probably wondering why it wasn’t looked at. Well, at the time, technology wasn’t that advanced. He created a “quilt”. It was a thing full of names of those who were either affected or dead. Even lesbians attended funerals for all the gay teens who died from AIDS. Things were like this for a good 20 years. Now, there’s medications you can take, but it’s incurable.

The new “president” has been horrible. He’s not just an idiot, he’s uneducated businessman who’s businesses have been bankrupt more times than I can count. He’s also homophobic. Just like his VP. His VP is a big fan of ECT for LGBTQ+ people. Besides, just last year, “transgender” was taken off the list of mental illnesses in the U.S. That’s just sickening.

Harvey, I know you’re gone, but you aren’t forgotten. I know you wouldn’t agree with any of this. I just wish you were here to see it. Why must we advance so much, just to go back to the beginning? Why must hate be the driving force? Why must we hate each other, rather than love one another? Why are people, who don’t want to be in the closet, be shamed for coming out? Why must everything go right, only to go back to being wrong again? Why must people attempt/go through with killing people like me? Why is society so screwed up? Where’s the “decent society”? These are the questions I ask with everyday and every night. I wish you could answer them. Harvey, wherever you are, I hope you’re doing okay. I hope you’re not facing any of this. I hope you’ve finally found that “decent” society. I hope your life, be it afterlife, is a lot better than mine.

Sincerely, a trans/gay teen who has to live in such a world like this. But has you for a role model.

[thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove]

having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

[wickedghxst]

It’s incredibly obvious how unfinished cyberpunk is when in relation to the romances. Panam’s quests still kinda nudge and wink at the fact she’s romancable but if you play as a woman this is mute.

[sevlgi]

hit and run

requested: no

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: a  shit ton of angst, some fluff

contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters

warnings: slight homophobia

synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship. 

a/n: while i was writing this, i  imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao... 

for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.

word count: 6.8k

The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.

“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”

“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.

Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”

Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”

You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.

Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.

Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”

“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.

To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”

“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”

You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is.  Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.

There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.

Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.

“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?��� 

The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.

Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”

“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”

As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.

“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.

You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”

“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”

“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”

“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.

She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”

“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--

“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.

You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”

“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”

You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”

“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.

The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)

Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that’s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”

Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.

“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.

“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”

You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”

“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.

“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”

You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”

You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”

Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”

Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.

Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.

Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”

“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.

She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.

Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.

Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung. 

One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”

You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”

“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.

“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”

You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”

She winces. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.

Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”

“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.

Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”

You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”

Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”

“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”

The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”

“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”

She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.

Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.

It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.

You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek. 

At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.

“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”

You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”

Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.

“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.

The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”

“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head. 

The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”

“Your coward, huh?”

Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”

There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.

She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.

“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.

Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”

You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.

You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.

You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”

“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”

Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”

“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.

Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.

The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.

“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”

You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”

Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”

“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”

“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”

You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”

“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”

“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.

But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.

Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,”  you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.

You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.

You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.

You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.

“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”

The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.

Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”

“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”

“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.

Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”

She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”

“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”

“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.

By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”

“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”

“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”

“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”

“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.

She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”

“It sounds sweet.”

“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”

“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”

“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”

Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.

She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”

“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.

Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”

You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”

Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”

“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”

“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.

You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.

“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”

You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”

She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”

Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”

Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”

“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown. 

Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”

“No.”

Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.

“Which articles?”

She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.

“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”

“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.

Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”

She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.

Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.

“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.

Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips. 

It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins. 

“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.

“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.

She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”

“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”

Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”

“I thought you were questioning?”

She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”

You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.

But for once, you know what you want.

“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist. 

“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”

“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.

She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.

Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”

“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.

You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”

“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”

“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.

The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”

Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”

“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”

The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”

“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.

The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.

The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won’t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.

“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.

Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.

“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.

Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”

“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”

“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”

Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.

When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”

For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”

“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.

Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”

“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“At the end of the day, yes…”

“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.

“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”

“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”

None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.

And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.

[heliads]

Good Time Baby

Based on this request: “female reader is a lesbian and a local musician. Wanda crushes on her, the crush is mutual? Wanda goes to one of her gigs. she announces she’s taking requests, and someone requests Nothin’ But A Good Time by Poison. She acts super flirty to Wanda at the line “I spend my money on women and wine”, and Wanda is a blushing mess.

masterlist

You stare at yourself in the cracked mirror. A face stares back at you. You’re not entirely sure that it’s yours, but it moves when you move and it blinks when you do, so that’s good enough for you. The din of the club echoes around you, stopped only by the thin doors marking backstage. New York is loud, so it’s hard to find someplace quiet to sit and think. This little corner of a former storage closet turned backstage is going to have to be good enough for you.

A knock sounds on the door, and seconds later, a familiar face is grinning over at you. “Hey, Y/N. You ready for tonight’s show?” You force yourself to stand up, plastering on a smile. “As ready as I’m going to be.” Your drummer, Kenna, raises an eyebrow. “Love to hear that confidence. I do think your odds are going to change, though.” She waits a moment, then smirks at you. “A certain Wanda Maximoff is in the house again. You know, I think she’s starting to come to a lot of our shows, actually. Isn’t that strange?”

Her tone is innocent, but you’ve known her for too long to be fooled by her seeming innocence. You swat your friend with a nearby magazine. “Alright, alright. Lay off. Wanda’s just, well, Wanda. Maybe she has a taste for small scale rock bands.” Kenna snorts. “Is that why she always makes sure to nab a front row seat, and only seems to let herself relax when she sees you take the stage?”

You fold your arms over your chest. “I’d say everyone here tries to get a front row seat. And of course she relaxes whenever I come onstage, it means that we’re actually starting our performance and not waiting for you to finish flirting with her twin brother.” Kenna gasps in outrage. “Hey, it’s not my fault Pietro Maximoff is devastatingly handsome!”

You shrug, fixing your hair and outfit in the mirror. “I don’t know, Kenn, he’s not my type.” The drummer rolls her eyes. “No men are your type, Y/N, you can’t bring that up against me. Besides, you can’t make fun of me for crushing on Pietro when you’ve clearly got eyes for his twin.”

You glance over at her, somehow unable to deny this. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kenna grins, sensing your weakness. “I bet you don’t. Now come on, it’s time to get going. You don’t want Wanda to have come here for nothing, do you?” This time, Kenna is expecting a swat to her shoulder, and dodges it gleefully.

You dutifully follow your drummer through the backstage area until you wait before the door leading to the front of the club. You’ve been living in New York for a while now, playing small bars and bigger clubs until you’ve made it here. You’d say that you’re fairly well known among the music circles, and look forward to putting out an album or two soon enough. You haven’t gotten here alone, though, and it’s thanks to your band that you’re even standing here today.

Your band is composed of friends, some you’d made from before and others that had come to join after the first members left for brighter tides. In the end, you’re left with a ragged assortment of yourself, two other guitarists, and Kenna on the drums. You couldn’t ask for anything more or find anything better in the entirety of this ungodly city.

You’ve been playing electric guitar and heading the band for a while now, although it doesn’t mean that performing comes any easier to you. You still feel that same rush of adrenaline before you take the stage, like you’re still a nervous teenager preparing for a school presentation. Then you look out through the small window in the door and see her- Wanda Maximoff, standing in a crowd of excited onlookers, waiting for the show to start.

Instantly, you swear that all of your nerves fade away from you. Sure, you may brush off Kenna’s teasing like it’s all a lie, but you can’t hide it from yourself anymore. For every performance and every show, you always scan the audience for Wanda, and every time, you feel your heart skip a beat whenever you see her.

It’s just that she’s always there, always greets you with a smile. You’ve gathered up your courage and offered to take her backstage a few times, excusing it as a thank-you to one of the best Avengers in gratitude for saving the city, but you’re fairly sure that Wanda was able to see through the flimsy excuse. In truth, you just want to see her, to talk to her and pretend that there would ever be a chance that she might like you back.

So, at this sight of Wanda waiting for you, you pull your courage back over you like a leather jacket, and push open the doors. Instantly, you’re greeted by a wave of cheers and applause from the gathered crowd, but you’re only listening for one voice among them. You hear it, too- Wanda smiling at you, cheering along with the others. You can’t help but grin.

You take the stage, tapping your fingers against your electric guitar until Kenna counts you into the first few drum beats. From there, it’s like surfing- all you have to do is follow the tide of the music, and sing along. You know the chords, you wrote them in a crowded studio and on the train and wherever you could find the presence of mind to pull out a pen and jot down a few notes on a crumpled piece of paper.

After a few songs, you decide to open up the show to the audience a little bit. You ask for song requests, and you receive a fair amount of submissions. One catches your attention, and you call it out to your bandmates: “How about ‘Nothin’ but a Good Time’ by Poison?” The others nod their assent, changing their tunes to reflect the opening bit of the song. You know the song, know the attitude of every performer to ever sing it, and decide to indulge yourself just a little bit.

So, you move your mike a little closer to the audience, and step down from the stage, strumming along to the first few chords. You get through the beginning of the lyrics, no problem, interacting with the crowds and even letting them sing along. Then you edge a little closer to Wanda, until you’re standing right in front of her. For once, you let the song do the talking: 

Don’t need nothin’ but a good time

How can I resist,

Ain’t lookin’ for nothin’ but a good time

And it don’t get better than this

Wanda’s grin is electric. She sways side to side in time to the song. You could swear that the entire world blocks itself out until it’s just you and her and the music. Hell, maybe Kenna was right after all. Maybe you do have a chance with Wanda Maximoff, as impossible as that seems. You gather up your courage, and sing the next few words directly to her.

They say I spend my money on women and wine

But I couldn’t tell you where I spent last night

I’m really sorry about the shape I’m in

I just like my fun every now and then

You wink as you say ‘fun’, unable to stop yourself, and a shameless smirk spreads over your lips at the sight of Wanda Maximoff, whose face is now covered in a delicate blush. When you glance back towards the stage, Kenna’s laughing at you, but you can’t quite find it within yourself to care. You give Wanda one last grin, then head back up onto the stage. From there, you finish the song, along with a few others, although you’re not sure that you actually focused on any of them. No, you’re living solely through the moments you share with Wanda across the audience, between winks and stolen glances and enough flirty looks to say a thousand words.

At last, the show is over, and you bid a cheering crowd goodnight before finally retiring your electric guitar to its stand and heading back off of the stage. Before you disappear backstage, though, you lock eyes with Wanda one last time and silently jerk your head towards the door. It’s an invitation you can only hope she’ll accept.

You don’t have to wait long for an answer, though. You’ve barely closed the door behind you and stood, somehow nervous, in your section of the backstage area before a knock comes on the door again. Seeing as this person has the tact to not barge in immediately, you can guess that it’s not Kenna, and walk over to the door. When you open it, you’re greeted with a woman who looks far too shy for her reputation as a powerful Avenger.

Wanda Maximoff smiles at you. “Hope you don’t mind if I come in.” You grin. “I’d never turn down an offer to spend time with you, Maximoff.” You step aside, allowing her to come in, then shut the door behind the two of you.

You’ve done your best to flirt with Wanda before, but never like this, never so direct. Maybe that’s why she seems so hesitant now. You’re flung into a storm of doubts, one that settles upon your shoulders now that you don’t have the adrenaline rush of the show left to spark your veins with enough electricity for winks and stolen glances.

After a heartbeat more, Wanda turns to you, emboldened by some desperate hope that makes itself known through fingers twisting the edge of her t-shirt. “I like you, Y/N. I like you a lot.” You feel like you could sigh with relief. “I like you too, Wanda.” Despite this, she still seems uncertain. “Are you sure? I mean, I thought you were looking at me during the show, but if it was just an act for the crowd-”

You cut her off, one finger on her lips. “It wasn’t an act, Wanda. I promise. I’ve liked you for a long time now, and my feelings don’t go away once I step off the stage. Every time I see you in the crowd, I feel like I’m going to be lightheaded. Trust me, I couldn’t fake any of this.” You tilt your head to the side slightly. “You can tell that, can’t you? You can see my mind.”

Wanda shakes her head slightly. “I don’t like to read people’s minds without their permission.” You smile quietly at her. “You have mine. Look. See how much I love you.” Wanda’s eyes flicker shut in concentration, and a few seconds later, this strange sensation comes over you. It’s familiar, and you’d swear that you’d know it was Wanda even if she wasn’t here in front of you. It hovers around your temples for a second before leaving.

When Wanda’s eyes open again, she’s beaming. “You really do like me?” You smile. “Of course I do.” Wanda grins. “And apparently Kenna knows as well?” You groan. “She won’t leave me alone about it. Trust me, if you didn’t believe me, Kenna would convince you.” Wanda’s laugh is one of the purest melodies you’ve ever heard. “All the same, I think I knew when I heard you singing to me. All you want is a good time, huh?”

You grin at her. “And I think you’re the best time I could possibly have.” When you kiss her, Wanda freezes slightly, as if after everything she still didn’t quite believe that you could love her. When she kisses you back, though, you know that she finally knows it to be true.

wanda maximoff/marvel tag list: i would flirt with you in front of a live studio audience @rogueanschel​, @mionemymind​, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​, @mycosmicparadise​, @ellobruv-blog​, @caswinchester2000​

[tiktaalic]

Why exactly do you see Dean as gay rather than bi? Absolutely feel free to completely ignore this ask if you don't want to go into it - it's just I've heard that interpretation a few times here on Tumblr and I'd genuinely be really interested to hear your thoughts behind it, and how you relate it to the way Dean canonically acts on the show

the pithy answer is projection! the unpithy answer is that out of 320 episodes over the span of 15 years, there is one (1) where his attraction comes off as genuine to me, and it took place fifteen years ago (cassie). i’m a lesbian, and when i was younger i had really genuine and meaningful friendships with men that i thought meant i was in love with them. they were very dear friends to me and i cared deeply about them, and they continue to be dear to me and people i care deeply about now that my head’s on straighter. so that’s that point. 

this is. going to be a long post so this is the preemptive warning to everyone who can’t read tumblr paragraphs to zip scroll.

lisa straight up reads as a lavender marriage to me. the focus for both lisa AND dean is him stepping in to be a father figure. their conversations about how much they care about each other center around how good he is with ben/how much he loves ben. there’s like, nothing where they’re smiling at each other and actually enjoying each other’s company. she’s a two night stand he’s seen 4 times in the last decade. she is dean putting on his brave face and keeping his promise. lisa’s post dean boyfriend matt is in one episode for about 3 minutes purely so he can die, but this is the scene.

so like. lisa is CAPABLE of interacting with a man she’s dating in a way that looks like they’re dating, versus. this.

so that’s that point. we’re at season six and we’ve already gone through every long term relationship with a woman dean’s been in. but let’s get really technical! let’s go through bad boys and after school special and amara to boot. 

in bad boys, robin is dean’s first real crush when he’s fifteen or so. first crush being when you’re 15 rather than in elementary or middle school? gay behavior (joke). let those among us who have not had a straight crush as a teen because they were the first person to be nice to us throw the first stone! and that’s what it boils down to for me. it’s the first time dean’s had ANY stability, and he relishes it. it would not surprise me if she’s his first real friend. she’s definitely his first real NORMAL friend. she asks him what HE likes, what HE wants to do with his life. and that’s totally new for dean! to have choices and to have his wants given consideration instead of just having expectation after expectation loaded onto him.

it does not surprise me that dean, who’s been taking a masterclass in repression and masculinity since the tender age of four, dates robin. it would not surprise me if he dated robin and was gay. of course he’s going to throw himself 100% into a relationship with a girl when he knows he’s at an age where boys are supposed to be skirt chasers, when he meets a girl and she’s NICE to him and KNOWS him like literally no one else does. all of this accompanied by the “i am a boy and have positive feelings for someone who’s a girl this MUST be romance this MUST be a crush” like. this is going to get into overshare territory for a moment i apologize but As A Lesbian when i was 15/16 i actively had crushes on girls and rational-ed them away as Girl Best Friends :) while telling everyone that the feelings i had for my boy best friends were crushes aksdkfkndf. repressed gay people are stupid and dean is MUCH more repressed than me aged 16. so. robin box ticked. 

after school special: jail for dabb jail for dabb for a thousand years i know. trust me i know. BUT. 17 year old dean who’s fully pulled on the leather jacket and womanizer persona, who doesn’t talk to anyone in his class and just hangs out in janitor closets making out with a girl who thinks his persona is hot. and when she tries to get close to him, to form an emotional connection, he panics and self sabotages. which. yes. peak straight man behavior. i’m not arguing that this little characterization bit is the pillar upon which gay dean rests, i’m saying if you’re inclined, you can nudge it into gay kid going “oh no this is too much responsibility i gotta get out of this” behavior. and i’m inclined!

amara: the amara stuff is so. hdnfdkf. it’s this primordial connection or whatever stronger than dean and amara both and yet dean’s still able to buck it a few times for [drumroll........] cas! + i don’t have any of the posts on hand but i DO agree with the whole vibe of. “i would fuck the embodiment of my destruction and horrors and failings because my self loathing is THAT strong”. also: gay af for the being of destruction with an immutable pull on you and towards you to say i will give you your greatest desire and then give you your mommy back and dip.

and then there’s the various one night stand stuff. i don’t have the comprehensive list on hand, but off the top of my head these are times when dean has sex scenes that are given huge focus:

when he comes back from hell and everyone’s gently asking if he’s fine and he’s like could a guy who wasn’t fine do THIS [tries to sleep with a bartender and or angel]. when bobby dies and dean’s hardcore mourning and hardcore drinking to the point where i think his drinking is acknowledged for one of a true handful of times in the series. just checked the transcript for that one. the morning after:

DEAN: Ugh.

SAM: You look like crap.

DEAN: Yeah, well, I feel worse than I look. I do recommend the Cobalt Room, by the way. Awesome night. Although I think I'm getting too old for this.

which. again. normal straight man commitmentphobe hitting his 30s and going hmmm.... perhaps real connections would be nice? but that doesn’t contradict gay dean at all, it slots in. also this is season 7. season 7 and he’s too old for this. top of my head i can think of two more similar instances: s11 baby when he groans and goes “mistakes were made”, s13 advanced thanatology when cas is dead and he’s FULL ON grieving so hard that sam takes him to a strip club. and again. he over does it. again he throws himself too hard to the coping vices and when he wakes up he’s tired and sore and has a headache. the other time he gets laid is endverse, which uh. is basically dean in 24/7 mourn drink sleep with someone mode. there are like... a handful of times he has sex For Fun, enough to count on one hand. the rest are all real easy to slap the label PERFORMANCE or COPING WITH MOURNING on.

obviously all of these points go either way - you could absolutely interpret them as legit attraction to women. you can interpret them as legit attraction to women while these instances are still coping/performance. but for me personally they all end up on the gay column instead of the bi column. um. end manifesto i think.

[pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid]

Concept: Bisexual Octavian that deals with internalized homophobia? The last part can be optional

I believe in Bi Tav supremacy…🙏🏼

This is mainly about Tav’s internal Bi-phobia because I’m pretty sure that even if he got some support, he wouldn’t quite still come in terms with his sexuality.

(If we go with canon Octavian)

!!!TW!!!

Not that anybody in Camp Jupiter cares about a person’s orientation. But Octavian makes it a big deal. He basically comes from a conservative family. They’re the kind that’ll pretend to support LGBTQ+ just to gain support but in reality they’re just plain homophobes who want clout. So this is basically the environment Tav grew up in.

So he’s supposed to pretend to care about the community but in his head he thinks it’s weird and unnatural (despite Apollo legit being Bi himself). He really wasn’t good at hiding his disgust tho.

His Bisexual awakening was his mentor (the Augur before him). At first in his head he thought that the feelings he felt towards the Augur was just admiration but it ended up being a small crush. (This was when he was 15)

So he suffered a lot from self loathe cuz all this time of crushing on girls he suddenly likes boys now?? He thought he let his family down just by crushing on another guy. So he basically openly became homophobic thinking it’d get rid of any feelings he’s experiencing. That really made people hate him. And he just created a bigger problem for himself.

In his head he thinks that being gay or Bi makes a person look weak. Like if he likes guys his social status would decrease. This caused a lot of insecurities which would often give him a ton of anxiety.

Rarely he’d think that he’d accept it but then the his family’s thoughts strike him and he’d start the self loathing all over again.

Despite there being a ton of openly gay/bi/lesbian/etc couples in CJ, Octavian kept creating scenarios in his head about how things would eventually turn for the worse if he opened up.

Sometimes it caused mental breakdowns, because he’d overthink too much. He thinks too much about his social rank and his family name.

He accidentally came out to Micheal it a fit of rage while a breakdown during a quest. Which was regarding Octavian’s new crush (one of the quest members) and he proceeded to freak out. Micheal was able to calm him down but then Octavian threatened him not to tell anyone. So Mike remained quiet thinking Tav needed his space.

For sometime after that they had their small talks regarding the topic but Octavian would brush it off and get mad pretty quick. And Mike kept reassuring him that it was fine and that many of the people in Tav’s Cohorts were also Bisexual (himself included) and there was nothing to be ashamed about. Tav didn’t care. It was about him not the others.

He was too stubborn to listen. Despite having a few changes like dropping his homophobia towards others (he got the talk* from Micheal) and being a bit more open minded,. He still didn’t quite want to come in terms with his own sexuality still thinking that people might ridicule him or call him soft or weak.

So like I said above, despite whatever support he got he’d still won’t come in terms with himself. Only if he tried being more confident about this certain topic then there might have been a chance he could’ve accepted it but would like to remain closeted.

Positive note: Doesn’t care if someone is Trans. Often had troubles understanding Genderfluid and non-Binary people but eventually came to terms with the concepts. Gave more respect.

Considering which way he swings more is actually 50/50. But it mainly ends up as a temporary crush since he isn’t too keen on the idea of dating thinking it’ll distract him from his duties.

Sorry about the angst I stayed true to the canon version😭

[bisluthq]

It’s really sad how mean Gaylors are being towards Joe. They truly have nothing to gain from all of this. They could use this energy to amplify other queer female (particularly WOC) artists but they don’t. Instead, they are upset that Taylor isn’t the doll that they created in their head. They stereotype gay men by circulating photos of Joe from his college days to insinuate that he’s gay. They repeatedly create lies about him not being William Bowery. The way they are acting reminds me a lot of how closeted kids are bullied in middle school / high school.

And how does behavior embolden Taylor to come out? Honestly — and forgive me if I lose you here — but their actions high key feels biphobic. Like they’re retaliating against Taylor (who is probably bi imo) because she’s with a man.

“And how does behavior embolden Taylor to come out?” -> this is something I actually feel extremely strongly about. I have a lot of new readers so allow me to share a TikTok on this with a lot of thoughts I agree with:

I’m sorry but did ANY OF YOU come out because people yelled “lmfao that’s so gay” at you?

I have shared a story here before about how two of the most embarrassing moments for me in middle and high school - like as I was sorta becoming yk sexual - were related to people IMPLYING (maybe on accident) that I’m gay.

The first was in middle school and tbf I got bullied a bit in middle school so she might’ve meant it in a gay way idk but like I used to make these Photoshopped edits for all my school projects using female celebs I liked (but on theme so like I made one for a Switzerland project with Renee Zellweger and I made other ones too but the Renee one is where this came to a head and it’s the one I remember best). So I had my little gay ass cover and this girl who sorta lowkey bullied me went “why do you always make these covers with the girls on them it’s so weird” and she might’ve meant it’s weird I Photoshop because it was weird but I just heard the “with the girls” part and almost died and never showed my little graphics again irl I think maybe ever actually.

The other incident was for sure on accident, like it was just banter: a guy friend of mine in high school looked at my laptop screensaver, which was Olivia Wilde in that GQ photoshoot yk the gymnastics one lol and he went “lol noice picture you got there lmfao” and it was an era where gay jokes were funny and that’s defs where he was going with it but because I’m actually gay I DIED and I went “yes I like House” and he was like “???” because that wasn’t the right response and I was like “yeah I like House dude why the fuck else would I have this picture lmfao” and a few days later I changed it to a pic of Hugh Laurie and had that for months before changing it to Amy and Eleven which I felt comfortable with and in hindsight both of whom I wanted to fuck although at the time I just figured it was neutral territory.

Now that’s me sharing my closeted experiences. I’m sure many of you have yours. I’ve NEVER heard of someone saying “ya people called me gay so I went well shucks you got me and came out! Thanks everyone who called me gay!!!”

If you think Taylor Swift is CLOSETED then why in the fuck are you trying to out her?

If you - like me tbh on some days idk I’m just not invested at this point - think she might be bi and signaled that (as other artists have done before formal coming outs) then like dope, she’s one of us, let’s make gay jokes and move on. She actively doesn’t mind Gaylor which suggests to me it’s either this or she’s a weird straight lady. Idk. Fuck, maybe she doesn’t know.

Either way, legit Hetlors and Gaylors - people whose online identity revolves around truthering her sexuality either way - are all equally out of line.

She’s got her London Boy, maybe she likes boobies, she doesn’t mind if you think she does, the end.

And if you genuinely think she’s a secret lesbian like BRUH STOP SAYING THAT OUT LOUD THEN like let it go dude. Because she sure as shit has NEVER implied this!? And calling closeted gays gay on main does not ever help them??? Ever??????