askthebutch

[askthebutch]

Any advice on how to get over the impostor syndrome or whatever caught up to me?

I recently came out to my very small circle of friends, and while I love them and I'm super glad that they accepted me, they are all straight, and I do kinda want to make friends in the lgbt community. Because a part of me is selfish. Or lonely, I don't know.

But at the same time, I have thoughts that I don't deserve to be a part of the community even though I'm clearly gay as f***.

That's dumb. You're gay. You are an integral part of the queer community. You belong.

[askthebutch]

hi ♡︎

stone femme here, is there an easy/effective way to disclose that I am a stone femme to a butch? or maybe a certain way to find stone butches around me? i know not all butches are stone but i’ve had partners give me shit in the past and it’s made me very insecure about it.

thanks :)

Ask them when they first knew they were gay. Then when they ask you about your journey, tell them about how finding out you were stone was like a whole second coming out. If they're stone, they'll tell you it was the same for them

[askthebutch]

how do i become more physically intimate with another person? not asking about sex or anything, but whenever my gf holds my hand or plays with my hair i get super nervous and clammy and idk what to do next. is there any way to work on this?

It's just scary cause it's new. You gotta keep doing the scary stuff until it's not new anymore. Don't think about how hot she is or how much she likes you right when she touches you. Just focus on how nice it feels to be touched.

[askthebutch]

Hi this is kinda random but do you have any boxer recommendations? All the ones I've tried (both men's and women's) don't fit right around the thighs 😭😭 Any advice appreciated xo

For fitted around the thigh, Hanes Originals Women's mid thigh. They're pretty decent, though they don't last forever. If you run hot, try the duluth buck naked long boxer brief.

For loose boxers, Ralph Lauren are great.

You can also always stitch the fly closed if you won't be using it.

[askthebutch]

I CAME OUT TO TWO OF MY FRIENDS!!!

Damn, that felt good. They were surprised but took it well, I suppose. One of them even looked like she kinda maybe expected that.

And now I also have a gay friend! Can you imagine that?!

DUDE FUCK YEAH. So proud of you bud

[askthebutch]

hey so, sorry if this is a weird question but i’m like 15 and i really wanna be a butch but i have absolutely no idea what i’m doing or how to do it

Aw then dude you're on the right track already. Be kind and respectful and enjoy what you enjoy even when people roll their eyes.

[askthebutch]

greetings!!

so i recently i fell down a rabbit hole of very strongly opinionated lesbian vlogs, in the sense of gold star lesbian supremacy and "fakebians" posts

yeah this truly sounds chronically online but it unfortunately has gotten to me and now im going through once again a difficult path with my sexuality.

for the record i have never been with a man, and i haven't even give my first kiss with any person either. but i still feel extremely guilty bc i do have fallen into the slippery slope of male celebrity and fictional male crushes. i realized that my feelings aren't sincere and i hold more "admiration" towards their aesthetics and what not. but the sole fact that i ever thought about a man as a potential partner makes me feel that i have been a traitor all along and that I'm luring actual lesbians in.

how do I deal with this? an option could be just blocking them, but I think the emotional damage has been done already. thank you in advance <333

The people saying that shit just want sexuality as controlled and fragile as bible thumpers do, dude. Just gay. It's repressive and arbitrary. And you're gonna drive yourself nuts with it. Those people are the worst people at a party. They care about talking more than about saying something worth hearing.

[askthebutch]

How can I convince my mom to let me cut my hair short? Whenever I even get it trimmed she always acts sad (pouting and saying how much she liked it before) and asks if I can keep it long. I don't know why she's so attached to long hair but she says it makes her really sad when I have it short and she kind of guilt trips me about it. I'm almost sixteen and I don't want to make her sad but I also don't wanna die wondering.... she's the same way about me wearing men's clothing, which I love.... I just really think I'd be happier with myself if I had a boy's haircut. It sucks having longer hair. I don't know why it's such a huge deal to her if it grows back, I'm the same person and all.

(There's a salon about twenty minutes from my house and I've debated going there alone and just getting it done without permission, but I'd definitely be grounded, I feel)

(Also my dad wholeheartedly supports me having short hair but he's really not the one in charge haha)

I just wanna feel like me, you know?

The easiest answers are to either get a cut that can be styled as feminine, and then just style it masc on your own OR get it cut the way you want it and hang the consequences.

It's your head. It's your hair. And if it's ugly, then that's your consequence to bear.

At some point your parents stop being monarchs and become advisors. That's not an easy transition for a lot of parents. They've spent 15 years knowing best and teaching you not to crap on yourself and stuff. She can either deal or she can't but you can't only do things that please her the rest of her life.

Just. Don't do it in the bathroom with dull scissors. And when you do, use a tutorial.

[askthebutch]

how do i suck strap???? i really want to but i've never done it and i have a stupidly strong gag reflex

K so I'm not the right person to ask, as I get my strap sucked and don't do the sucking. I'd say eye contact is overrated cause it can look goofy, and it's nice to hear noises of enjoyment so I know she's having a good time too.

[askthebutch]

Hey, it's the late bloomer again.

It's been almost one year since I started questioning my orientation. And a lot happened since then.

I tried to suppress those feelings, but that just made things worse. I tried to convince myself that living in the closet is not that bad, and I can manage this until I die. That didn’t work out, too. The internalised homophobia is a nasty thing.

But I'm slowly getting better (I never thought I'd say sth like that), and I'm finally planning on telling one of my friends about my attraction to women. She already helped me realise that I'm stuck in a toxic str8 relationship, and she is very patient and supportive as I slowly prepare to leave him. And now I want her to know the whole truth. I don't know what I'm gonna say to her and I'll probably be a stuttering mess, but I have to do it.

So, wish me luck, I guess

You got this. You're gonna bloom beautifully.

[askthebutch]

Hii, so I just came out as a lesbian and am still doing my research on the butch/femme community so I'm very sorry if this isn't proper phrasing, I'm definitely still learning. I'm definitely a fem who is attracted to mascs and butches but I look very "straight". Is there anything I could do or wear that would kinda make it known to butches that I am in fact a lesbian and would love to get to know them while still keeping a super feminine style? Thanks soo much I just came across your blog so I thought I'd ask and I wish you and your wife all the best! 💖

They'll know. You can always wink at them to make it clear. But we usually clock you ladies.

[askthebutch]

Hi there 🫶

This is an ask for you or for anyone else.

What am I supposed to do if I feel like I have no place to belong?

I know I am a lesbian but I do relate to masculinity and femininity a lot. A did my homework on butches and femmes and I relate heavily and in every aspect to both of them.

I also found the word futch and unfortunately I feel like it’s the best description for me but I do know the controversy behind this word and now I’m just afraid of not knowing where I do belong in lesbian space. And of course I can be “just lesbian” but no one likes “just lesbian”. It always masc, butch, fem, femme, non binary etc but it’s never “just a lesbian”

I've met plenty of lesbians who didn't sub categorize themselves. You are yourself and it sounds like you is a lesbian. (Eloquent I know)

[askthebutch]

i caught feelings for someone i dont know very well at all for the first time ever a couple months ago and im at a total loss for what to do now. i already know ive been making a terrible impression. being weird and off putting and everything even if i dont mean to. im not in a position to ask them out cause of distance but i dont think i would anyway. i have no idea what to do.

Its scary to have that first rush of feelings for another person. You feel like if you don't jump on it now, you'll never have another chance. But it's the opposite. You are recognizing characteristics of a person known to your heart but not your mind. Like a forgotten memory. You'll see glimpses of them over the years. And some day, longer from now than you want, you'll take a second look at someone and think "Oh. There you are. I've missed you."

[askthebutch]

I feel I'm a butch woman but the problem is that I'm not a lesbian....what am I then

I wish I had an answer for ya. I think you just follow your own star babe

[askthebutch]

Hiiiiiii, hope you and your wife are doing well :)

Do you have any advice on how to create a good 5-year-plan as someone in the middle of highschool? Life has gotten so unorganised and atuctureless and I really want to figure out hoe to get my shit together before I fall behind even more, but I don't know how to do that without help and your blog (and you) are kind of the ckosest thing I have to a mentor

Aw kiddo you're not behind. You're kind of supposed to feel that way right now. Because you're supposed to want to grow. And people don't change and grow when they're comfortable. So adolescence sucks Because you're doing so so much growth. And you've got way more than 5 years to get your shit together.

Learn a trade and try new things and don't vape or do drugs. Vote as soon as you can. Stay up all night one night just looking at the stars. Remember that everyone is a main character in their own story, and they're seriously not paying attention to you. So don't build your self confidence on their opinion or attention.

You've got this bud

[askthebutch]

This isn't a question but I'll have you know reading through your blogs has taught me more what true love is like than any movie or book could. I hope that one day I'll be able to experience that kind of joy

Oh man. This is really sweet. I hope you find it too, dude.

[askthebutch]

Is it okay to be a butch in makeup? I want to look more butch, the word butch feels very right to me, but I so wear makeup when I feel like it to express myself. Like big funky eyeliner, cool lipstick colours, etc. And like, I don't want to use the butch label if im just not a butch or trying to fit in something I possibly might not fit into, even if it sounds right for me.

Language is imperfect and labels are descriptions, not mandates. Also, you can wear a label for a while and discard it when it no longer serves you. You're allowed to change.

So if "butch" feels right to you, use "butch."

And makeup is a gender neutral thing. Some people will feel differently but why care about their opinions? They're not interesting imo.