#but the point is to write for myself and then post it regardless because that's freedom
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#im losing it a little bit and feel like crying but just *cant* and its making me irritated on top of wanting to cry#my last relationship... broke up with them 3 months ago didnt block them bc they owed me money (long story)#and now we're having this like- closure-ish/last conversation of our relationship (as in 'friendship')#and its been over the course of like a week now? bc we both take a day or more to respond#me bc i carefully write my msgs and make sure i hit every point i wanna make#them bc they just suck at responding and are online much less post breakup#and im the one who needs to respond now and ive been carefully thinking through our entire relationship from start to end#making sure i didnt miss anything important i want to say#and im realizing that i dont think they ever truly knew me#they made me feel very early on that i had to hide parts of myself because they were so unstable that just my negative emotions could push-#-them towards an anxiety spiral or even harming themselves#and idk how purposeful that was i dont think it was very intentional but regardless they made me feel that way#and because they only ever saw either the 'good' side of me or the very surface level bad days (like worrying about family acceptance)#i dont think they ever truly knew *me*#and instead they created this image in their head of me thats so perfect and on such a high pedestal#which only further my feeling of needed to hide the 'bad' parts of me#and its just- they've known me for like 4-5 yrs now. dated me for 2.5(?) of those. and they dont KNOW ME#and idk what to do with that.#it creates this really weird feeling in my chest and i dont know what to do with it#ive had friends in my life before who claimed to be so close to me but didnt actually know me at all#but they all had the excuse of being delusional about our relationship after only knowing me for 8 months bc they were school friends#but my ex? they knew me for ~4.5 *YEARS* they dont have that excuse. the only excuse if you can call it that is the fact they made me hide#what do i even do with this realization...#vent post
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I have written a bunch of test inner dialogue for Odile at this point in hopes of being able to write some duo looping stuff but the more I write her the more I realize that I think my main issue is that I am just not feeling Odile second person narration. I see "you" and go ah yes Siffrin. Unfortunately this means I might have to bite the bullet and try writing with the dreaded "I"
#rat rambles#stars posting#this is mostly unfortunate because I have I believe literally no experience writing first person stuff#well in narrative I mean#but I have a vision. and to do so I think first person would work best here#plus then I could have a fun thing of different narrative styles depending on the pov#I want to build a piece of writing where if 'you' is so much as muttered you grimace and are filled with dread#not to promise Ill actually be writing a full fic Im just playing around with the idea#I just want to derust my writing a but tbh#I rarely post things I write regardless but it's still been at least a couple months since Ive rly sat down and written smth#the real roadblock for me with this au rn is the massive loop shaped elephant in the room#I need to force myself to go mental over them so I can properly Get them instead of just having vague ideas#but my brain just isnt latching despite the concepts being the kind of stuff I tend to adore in stories#and ultimately this au is more abt a triangle than a pair so I need to get that last point down already#I see the vision but my glasses fell off#and odile stole them to equip later
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You've changed, man. I don't know what it is but some time in the past six months your shitposting got a bitter edge to it. Sure you could blame the political climate or world events on it but...I dunno. I used to scroll your blog to momentarily escape the hardships of today but now it feels like even you're not a safe place any more. I wish you luck on your journeys onwards but I'm sorry to say I cannot travel with you any more. Be well, puki, and I hope whatever troubles you passes.
Escapism is important and I try to offer that to a degree, but ultimately, I am a person. I experience hardships, I empathize with the worsening conditions of my world. As long as I care about things external to myself, I will subtlety, or blatantly express them in some way in my blog, which I’ve done for years, not merely 6 months.
Unbeknownst to you, these concerns are often the inspiration for some of my most beloved posts.
You’re free to leave of course, if my 1 serious post out of every 30 fucks your day up that badly, then please, feel free! - I simply don’t see my blog as escapist fluff, it never has been, even if that is often the outcome. My page has always been about my interests, and I just so happen to enjoy making people laugh.
I see it more as a fun place to hang out and express the feelings I feel inclined to express, most of which are fun and goofy, some of which are not. I love our little playful back-and-forths, and I enjoy seeing your insights, even if some of you are fucking stupid as shit. Sometimes I just like using you guys as little guinea pigs, testing my odd expressions out on you, and sitting back and seeing the outcome.
Ultimately, I try to balance balance 3 things on my page:
Comedy, as you know - I like making jokes, I like testing them out on people. Even if they suck, I like writing them regardless. Sometimes I sit back after writing something I know objectively sucks, hit send, and watch as everyone tells me how much it sucks. It brings me joy.
A desire for money - because if not, I wouldn't be able to make posts half as often as I do (ie, shirt sales, promoting my music, etc) - Sometimes that anxiety for money also bleeds into my posts, it has for years; and I hold back from being even more desperate about money than I feel I should be sometimes.
And the point you brought up: The occasional comment on something real that matters to me. - Over the past 3 years, if not longer, I’ve made a few uncharacteristically-serious statements on things like Covid, Gaza, The Presidency, hell, even the indigenous people of Australia... and more.
Why do I feel inclined to discuss these things? Because I want to. My page has always been about what I want. Fortunately for you, what I usually want to do is to make you laugh! But sometimes I wish to express other feelings, because I have a platform that allows my voice to travel further than that of others!
For those angry at all the qualms I don't bring up, try to understand my balancing act, as someone who understands your desire for escapism, and the comfort that it brings you. If the veil falls, remember, we are of like-company - - and maybe, this veil was only ever in your head to begin with.
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With this latest round of discourse being "trans men shouldn't complain about being kicked out of women's spaces", I felt the urge to write up a relatively long post regarding the topic, as I feel it is a long tangled mess and involves a significant amount of people simply talking past each other.
To begin, what is a woman's space? I ask this, because "women's spaces" often fall under one of three categories: medical services, social services, and social gatherings. Of the three, trans men need access to nearly everything if not everything included within "medical services" and "social services". These things often need to be considered co-ed anyway, but are still considered "for women" and often are labeled things like "women's health" or "women's defense". Social gatherings- things such as book clubs, concerts, festivals, and other similar outings- can have a nuanced and complicated history when it comes to the inclusion, or exclusion, of trans men.
As an example- I am a binary, gay trans man who has not yet been sterilized. If I become pregnant and need to seek out social services, I must do so via my provider's "Women and Babies" department. I am neither of those things, and yet regardless of whether I am completing or terminating the pregnancy, I must label myself a woman in order to receive care. If I wish to have a pap smear, receive birth control, or investigate my chances of ovarian and cervical cancer, I must do so via the "Women's Health Clinic". I am not a woman, but I must label myself as one in order to discuss sterilization options. Many trans men who have had their gender markers changed prior to sterilization have reported difficulty even booking an appointment, as well as difficulty convincing their insurance to pay for this appointment due to a discrepancy with gender markers vs gendered care. Many have discussed the realities of being a pregnant man, whether they remained pregnant until their child was born, or whether they terminated said pregnancy with an abortion.
It should come as no surprise that the statistics for trans men receiving quality gynecological care are abysmal. It should be equally unsurprising to hear how many trans men have died from botched abortions, untreated miscarriages, infections and cancers of the uterus and cervix and ovaries, and complications during pregnancy or birth. We belong in this space, despite it being labeled "for women", and the only thing pushing us out has done is quite literally what's been killing us.
This is, of course, not even taking into account the numbers of trans men who have been forced to become pregnant via their husbands or families as a means to detransition them, and those who have become pregnant as a result of corrective rape. There is a saying among trans men of my age- it isn't "we all know a guy this has happened to", it's "which of us haven't experienced this? who among us doesn't fear this? who will it happen to next?"
Which brings me to my next point: women's social services. As with women's medical care, nearly everything labeled "for women" as a social service must be inclusive to trans men. Shelters for domestic violence survivors, rape crisis centers, self defense classes, family planning, these are all things that honestly should already be co-ed. But, many times, they are exclusively targeted towards women. I understand why, I do. But with trans men being statistically more likely than cis women to experience the need for these services, it seems a cruelty to close their doors to a vulnerable demographic reaching out for help.
Where should trans men in crisis go? Shutting the door to us without addressing the reason we need to access these resources gives us a single ultimatum: detransition, or die. Go back to being a woman, or die knowing the likelihood that a woman's name will adorn your headstone, and "daughter, wife, mother" will be said in your obituary. Much like the medical services, this incomplete answer has lead many trans men to their deaths. Whether by their own hands, or by their attackers'.
But there are other social services out there that perhaps are not as dire. Women's scholarships, colleges, all girls schools. Girl Scouts, women's sport leagues, gym memberships. Trans men don't need access to these, right?
Well... is the trans man in question out? Has he been living as a man, or is he still closeted? Is it safe for him to come out? Does he pass, or has he just bought his first binder and given himself his first buzz cut? Is he living under the control of his parents, or is he able to freely decide for himself the type of person he'd like to be and the type of life he'd like to live?
You see, I was a Girl Scout once. And, if we are to believe to our core that trans men are men even before they know the words "transgender", this means I was a boy in a girl's space. I didn't know that being transgender was an option for me at the point where my troop disbanded, and another leader to replace the first within my local area was not found until after I had aged out.
But also... I was in 7th grade when my troop disbanded. Two years later, I would learn the word "transgender", and suddenly everything would make sense. Two years later, I would come out to my parents and my sisters. To put this into perspective, I graduated high school in 2010. The Boy Scouts officially allowed cisgender girls and transgender people of all genders to join all programs in 2019.
I was not expelled from my Girl Scout troop. My leader simply stopped showing up to meetings, and my troop disbanded to go our separate ways when leadership could not find someone quickly enough to replace her. But... if this had not happened, I would have been a recently out transgender boy in a girl's social service, still wearing push up bras and frilly shirts because that's all my parents would buy me until I became an adult and moved out and had a job with my own money to re-purchase myself a wardrobe. Indistinguishable from any of the others, outside of what went on inside my own mind.
I would not have been accepted into the Boy Scouts, if Girl Scouts had been taken from me as abruptly as it was from a different transgender boy in the same state I was born and raised. Which would have left me with... nothing. Neither. And the only reason I even joined the Girl Scouts was because I had wanted to join the Boy Scouts and the local troop had refused to allow me, because they had labeled me a girl.
I don't believe I'm the one that coined Schrodinger's Gender, but I do reference it often. In this situation, one is both a boy when it hurts, and a girl when it hurts. Even if that gender label changes by the second, the point is to use your gender and your assigned sex to hurt you.
But then, why do these services even have to be gendered to begin with? After all, Boy Scouts just updated to be The Scouts, and has removed (on paper) the insistence on gendering.
Well... I certainly agree that the majority of gendering these services is at this point a concept that needs to be reformed, but I'm unconvinced that we will be able to completely integrate without addressing the reason they were segregated by gender in the first place.
Women's gym memberships are gender segregated for two reasons. Women and girls- and anyone labeled as women and girls, regardless of true identity- are frequently not afforded the same access to resources as cisgender men and boys. Women and girls- and anyone labeled such- are frequently at high risk of predatory sexual behavior and physical violence. Both of these problems are symptoms of a larger system of misogyny at play, and both of these problems directly affect trans men especially those who have not transitioned in a way that makes them pass for cis men.
Regardless of the truth of my identity, the reality is that I was seen as and treated as a girl when it came to physical fitness, and thus barred from the same activities freely offered to the boys. Regardless of the truth of my identity, I have experienced predatory sexual behavior from cis men as young as 8 or 9 years old, continuing past when I came out and began to transition socially.
If the problem is not addressed, cis women cannot re-integrate with cis men. But, additionally, if the problem is not addressed, the choice still remains clear for trans men. Detransition, stay closeted, or go without.
A common complaint of trans men is the invisibility and erasure our demographic faces. It should be easy to see why this happens. The problem of a misogynistic society is one that continues to this day, and without addressing the problem we cannot hope for success in creating a more inclusive space. At the same time, trans men are being pushed out and isolated as they realize they must make a choice.
As for social gatherings, such as a woman's retreat or a woman's music festival? Of course, it may sound odd to say that a trans man should feel welcome there. But the truth of the matter is the majority of the trans men asking for the ability to stay are trans men who have been within that space for years already, prior to coming out, prior to realizing some things about their genders, prior to taking their first steps as men.
I'm pretty good friends with an older butch who told me that I am the first person they ever told that they were a nonbinary man. This person is in their 50s. They're married. But the wife doesn't like it, and they love their wife too much to cause friction in the relationship, so they keep it to themselves, and they keep quiet, and they don't say anything about being transgender, but in their head they aren't a woman. This person is not a woman, by their own insistence. Should this person be forcibly ejected from their local lesbian community, which they and the wife helped form decades ago? Should they divorce their wife, since that would make her not a lesbian anymore?
What harm is it, truly, to allow this person to stay? Social isolation kills people. The trans man suicide statistics are just as abysmal as any of the others I've mentioned here. Forcing someone to burn 20, 30, 40 years of their lives and their friends and their achievements because they are finally living as themselves is a deeply hurtful and isolating experience.
The majority of trans men asking to be included in these spaces are not trans men like me- who never really jived with the idea of womanhood and distanced ourselves as much as possible the moment we saw the opportunity. They are men like my friend, often existing outside of the binary, often with a deep love and appreciation for womanhood despite realizing that perhaps the label does not fit them as well as they once thought. They often have many years of connection, entire lives spent intwined in these spaces.
What good does it do to chase them out? What harm does it to do let them stay?
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Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
❗️For commonly asked qs please see my BTD FAQ
After doodling the first image that hug body slam meme immediately came to mind and i couldn't help myself 😂
Thanks very much I'm glad you are enjoying my art and characs! :D
To put the answer simply, Rire used to work for the prior King as a Collector (of souls) and he was that King's only Collector and so got the brunt of his ire for any related, perceived fault. Aside from that personal connection Rire also really disliked him because he viewed the prior king as a useless glutton who failed at ruling a sector (conditions were tanking/had tanked for ages), and which the Royal powers were wasted on.
Almost all of his sunglasses are actually normal human sunglasses, he can just see better than a human can 😎
Anything can be a kink, anon :d
Boring victims are often exceptionally weak-willed victims so that's something in particular he dislikes.
Yes he can play the piano and violin, and horseback ride and ballroom dance etc. Put it this way he has a lot of particular small skills that he picked up during his Earth visits so he could hide in plain sight with the upper echelons XD
Not like how a snake or cat hisses which is what I'm assuming you're implying XDDD He can't bite off a limb (his mouth ain't that big) but his teeth are very sharp so he can feasibly take a chunk out of someone or like, completely bite off something smaller (finger, ear...)
I havent added to it in a while (since I dont often find songs I like enough to actually download lol) but this is my current playlist for him in no particular order:
Anon, the fact you capitalised "Aliens" made me think of Xenomorphs and I had to immediately stop thinking 🤣
On a side note, I can't actually tell you either way because he hasn't encountered an alien (that isn't a demon or a human) lol. He'd probably initially treat an alien much like he would treat a common demon, if they are obviously not human, and then if he realises they are also not quite a demon this could peak his interest.
Pointing you in this direction because regardless of the canon answer this proves he could look good in one LMAO
Sorry to burst your bubble but no :d Though I suppose he could simulate the effect by reverting parts of them to their "liquid" state 🤔 DO WITH THAT INFO WHAT YOU WILL.
It is theoretically similar to a human's.
If you can remember his age then that is how old he is :d I'm not really like other creators who give their characs a definitive "birthday" down to the year, mainly because I don't often have set "time periods" in my stories lol.
His birth date falls somewhere between late October - late November though.
In the context of BTD; they just don't like each other XD Well I can't actually speak for Cain, but Rire not liking Cain is partly a riff on general angel/demon rivalry dynamics, and partly because Rire would see Cain as more of a threat since canonically Cain is way more OP than him.
Most of the time when i draw them Cain is also actively getting in Rire's space whilst Rire is actively trying to avoid him, so there's also that XD
It...depends. On which aspect of "ownership" you're implying. For those that he has deals with, he'd calculate what exactly the value of the deal lost would be and in this situation he'd likely write them off as Cain would be more annoying to handle then they'd be worth (he can always make more deals).
If someone was specifically marked by Rire, that's a different level of possessiveness and he'd actually try cos like
Hey guys some offence but why are some of you sending me asks formatted as if i were ChatGPT
Is there one for like, personal ambition or cunning or something cos I don't think he'd be any of those listed lol.
Rire doesn't have a mobile phone and he doesn't need one because he has a demon power that basically CCTVs all his citizens to himself. And really, if he wants to find you he'll find you.
He's somewhere in the middle of that scale through the sheer fact that he's been around long enough to see technology change and would've kept up with how to use things to blend in better, but also doesn't need to use the electronics to the point that he'd need to be an expert at it.
Is this cos Gato is Canadian cos I don't remember a country location being specified when we did it? |D Personally I figured most of the settings were in the US since the US has the most documented serial killers
Also sos no i dont anon, you'll need to either ask Gato or EP or dig through any of their lore posts they might have left.
Think kind of like Rire (he did learn a lot from her after all), but with a more Elizabethan era socialite vibe. Possibly a black widow but we dont have any proof about that.
Has/had a p good relationship. I use both terms because I still never decided whether she was currently dead or not lol.
Lol a misconception but Rire doesn't actually perceive humans as trash XD Trash suggests that he hates them and they wouldn't be worth regarding at all, whereas Rire usually finds them more like...novelties. Or like whatever that feeling that is associated with viewing ant farms or animals performing tricks is. Rire's mother would view them as more like working animals or livestock.
#boyfriend to death#rire answer dump#art#doodle#answer dump#long post#so funny story before posting this RAD i decided to fix up the html/css for my tumblr cos out of dash the inline images were too big#and as i was doing that i finally discovered that tumblr neue post type REALLY dont have any differentiation as to what type of post it#which is SO ANNOYING as it made what i wanted to do near impossible 🙄#luckily most of my neue RADs and answer dumps have a title so i had to specifically target the existence of that element 🫤
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hi,
i’d like to say thank you for what you share on this platform; ofc the lovely fan interactions, but also the ‘the world is scary but we’re in this together’ things and the ‘there’s still a lot of good in the world’ things.
i’ve been meaning to go to the grocery store for several days and hadn’t managed to get myself to do so yet. ive been ordering a few things to my apartment which is tend to get in my head about because the grocery store is less than a block from my home. i’m having a lot of trouble eating again, regardless of what’s in the fridge, and expected this morning to be like any other where at some point hunger will turn into nausea which will get pushed to the back of my mind until mid day when i can maybe manage to get something down.
but i woke up this morning to your reblog of that post about all the things you can eat if you’ve got just a couple things lying around.
and then i got up and took my meds. i showered and shaved and felt like i was scrubbing away the outermost layer of this particular Depressive episode. i brushed my teeth and washed my face, put on clothes that aren’t the gym shorts and tee i expected to. i’m about to leave my apartment for the first time in three days. i’m about to go to the grocery store.
i know it’s not your original post, but you saw it and reblogged it for it to reach a greater audience. i don’t think i would’ve seen it had you not done so.
okay i’ve gotta quit writing and get my shoes on and be off (to the store! woo!!)
you put a lot of good in the world and in so many big ways. thank you for adding to the good in the seemingly smaller ways too <3
I'm really proud of you.
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gaming w/ lads lis! ♡

featuring: xavier, zayne, rafayel, sylus & caleb x gn!reader.
warnings: minors and ageless blogs dni regardless of content.
requested by @napforalifetime | dc: @cafekitsune | wc: 1.6k | ao3
tags: fluff | established relationship | physical affection | luke and kieran mention | doxxing
a/n: I HAVE FINALLY WRITTEN CALEB AFTER ALMOST 3 MONTHS OF POSTING LADS CONTENT. i'm excited to write more for him in the future, i can tell he's gonna be really fun. also for the most part, my ideas for these scenarios surround shooter games like valorant, overwatch, marvel rivals etc, so that's what i'm going to be basing your experiences with all of the lis off of.
date started: 4:15PM, june 25th, 2025.
date finished: 5:41PM, june 28th, 2025.


xavier ♡
i think that the only way that xavier would regularly game is if he's asked to play. i don't see him turning down co-workers or friends whenever they ask him to game, and he certainly won't say no if you ask.
i imagine that he has a switch where he has some cozy games or some story-based games that he's really into. i can also see him having a console or a pc setup for when his friends/co-workers want to play, but other than that, i don't think he games much.
xavier is relatively quiet to my understanding, so i think that would continue to apply when you play video games. he pings enemies, and seemingly teleports to your side just how he does irl when you start screaming for help, but his focus is mainly on everyone around him. he catches on pretty quickly, and does really well after getting used to the controls and learning about the characters.
he also LOCKS IN when you play. sometimes, you can hear his controller's clicking sounds from just how hard he gets into it. he doesn't even notice how focused he becomes, so when you bring it up, he's surprised by himself.
xavier is a dps main. i will not explain myself
who carries depends, i think. if you guys play consistently, i think you take turns carrying. if not, you take the lead.
xavier doesn't often look at stats, but when he does and sees that you're doing well, he always makes a point to praise you. you felt accomplished before, but your boyfriend's approval seals it in for you.
xavier doesn't really look at chat either, but he is so quick to come to your defense if he sees that someone is being mean to you. their account is reported and banned not long after.
i don't see xavier doing friendly fire. mainly, i think he'd just kind of..let you do whatever. push or blast him off of the map, shoot and kill him, etc. if there's an option, and you want to have a little fight, he'll play along. he always wins and you threaten to ban him from cuddle time /j.
once he starts collecting emotes, he uses the sitting ones OFTEN between gameplay. before a match starts or between queue, you find him sitting somewhere.
LOVES playing hide and seek in custom games. mainly when you're the seeker because your taunts and giggling warm his heart.
CAN xavier get competitive? yes. DOES he? no. he doesn't care enough. he just wants to have fun and spend time with you, so winning or losing doesn't matter to him.
knows some gamer lingo, so he mostly understands you when you use it. if something is unfamiliar to him, he asks then learns something new!


zayne ♡
similar to xavier, zayne doesn't game unless you ask him to. he might have played some when he was younger out of social obligation, but not much past that. i think that he prefers card or board games.
i think that zayne is pretty decent when it comes to shooter games. he isn't the best on the team, but he's not the worst either.
the idea of you solving puzzles together in a horror/mystery game is a really interesting thought to me. that's something i think he'd be really into. he also likes games where you have to work together towards a common goal. this cutie patootie LOVES games that exercise the brain.
idk why this came to my head but he likes crossword puzzles too. if he can't think of a word, he likes to ask for your help. he loves to do them with you, too.
BACK TO VIDEO GAME TALK, zayne is a support main. he likes to feel like he's contributing and he feels really useful when he heals people :)
gets SO soft when someone thanks him for healing them. it doesn't really show but the appreciation makes him happy
stops healing teammates when they're mean to you. won't revive them or nothin. reports any bullies or game sabotage after the match is over
i think that zayne would be down for friendly fire every once in awhile. you take turns chasing each other around, and zayne is really quick so you lose him kind of easily. your giggling while you run lights up his night.
you carry for the most part. when zayne really focuses, your stats match up, but he doesn't really play enough to perform well consistently.
zayne will glance towards chat in case, and rarely ever looks at stats. i think that he likes to watch the crazy stuff people will say sometimes
isn't familiar with gamer lingo. you have to teach him almost all of it, and he appreciates the effort.
also uses sit emotes often when you're not queued up. he likes when you send him pictures of you sitting together, he thinks it's really cute
always watches out for you when you play together. pockets you sometimes when there isn't much else for him to do
i think that he can be a little competitive. he doesn't care enough to get really upset by it, but he does get peeved
gets frustrated when people spawn-camp. annoyed when people t-bag.


rafayel ♡
i don't see rafayel liking shooter games all that much. i think that he would enjoy games like minecraft more, where his creative liberty can run wild.
minecraft is now rafayel's favorite video game because i said so
makes the most gorgeous houses and structures
likes the sims too
really good with room decorating
you make yourselves as sims and have a family together
he likes games that give him various customization. he likes making things pretty
if you ask him to play a shooter game with you, he'll say yes. any time with you is time well-spent
when you do play shooter games, rafayel mains support. he gets easily annoyed when playing dps and he has little to no interest in playing tank
doesn't know gamer lingo. you use it for the first time, and he makes a joke about it. you explain to him what it meant and do so from that point forward. he incorporates it into his own language when you play now and you feel so proud watching him grow as a silly little gamer
so down for friendly fire. likes smacking you for fun. you have 1v1s and keep track of your wins. sometimes you 1v1 in games to settle arguments or disagreements and you both think it's hilarious
rafayel gets really competitive. when someone targets you or him, his mission from that point forward is to kill that person and WIN.
very defensive of you. hears someone talking badly about you in game vc and GOES OFF.
gets easily side-tracked so you have to remind him of your objective sometimes


sylus ♡
i think that he would game on his own. very rarely does he, but he enjoys his time when it happens. it gives him something to do with his time and attention. open to playing with you almost any time
sylus likes games with lots of lore. he appreciates how much effort goes into video games. he also likes decision-based games because every action that one has having consequences is something that intrigues him
puzzle games too. give this man a door he can't open and he is on the hunt for the key
tank main. he's very strategic in the ways he makes space for his team, and it satisfies him
i think that he's flexible with what roles he plays though. he does whatever is most convenient for himself and his team to try to get to a win
very down for friendly fire. likes to tease you and other people. he thinks it's funny when people get mad at him for shooting them
knows some gamer lingo because of luke and kieran, but rarely uses it. watching you use it makes him smile because he knows that means you're enjoying yourself. he also kinda pokes fun at you because some lingo is really silly
sylus is a pretty good player. he doesn't play enough to be good consistently but when he gets back into the groove after playing for awhile, you don't often lose
sylus ABSOLUTELY gets competitive. he doesn't really verbalize it, but he wants to win. i can 100% hear him saying, "is that all you can do?" and "that was too easy."
if people are mean to you because you're not good at the game, he makes sure that they can't play on their device of choice anymore. but you don't know that


caleb ♡
HE'S A GAMER BOY. THEY SAID SEE U LATER BOY /lyr
in all seriousness, caleb games often when he's not busy. you've been playing together since you were young and you both LOVE ITTT
likes horror games. phasmophobia came to mind, i think he'd like it
dps/tank main. likes killing things
he uses gamer lingo regularly when you play together and sometimes even teaches you some!
open to friendly fire. he will kill u over and over and over and over again just to annoy u
pretty good at games!!! when he does well at the end of a match he brags about just how awesome he is. you think he's awesome too but you tell him he sucks for the funnys
gets very competitive. dives head first into matches and you have to swim through what feels like seas of enemies just to find him
teaches u how to play new characters. very good teacher and always gives u the best advice to improve
will doxx someone if they're mean to you /hj

@BUNNYLUVX ,, all rights reserved. do not copy/plagiarize any of my works or submit it into ai. any and all support is appreciated! <3

#xavier x reader#xavier x non mc#xavier x you#xavier x y/n#zayne x mc#zayne x reader#zayne x y/n#zayne x you#rafayel x mc#rafayel x you#rafayel x y/n#rafayel x reader#sylus x you#sylus x reader#sylus x mc#sylus x y/n#caleb x reader#caleb x you#caleb x y/n#caleb x non!mc reader#lads x reader#lads x you#lads x y/n#lnds x mc#lnds x reader#lnds x you#l&ds x reader#l&ds x you#l&ds x mc#love and deepspace x you
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Cape Comics and the Unsung exploited creatives that make them
Here's something that happens a lot. A superman fan finds me through my supes fan comics, and so they look up the rest of my blog. They're surprised that I don't fanboy over Superman 24/7. That a lot of my biggest write ups about the character are critical of how he's written. They're also taken aback by how I don't like My Adventures with Superman, Absolute Superman, and that I'm not tripping over myself to praise James Gunn's upcoming Superman movie.
So they tough it out. They like my fan comics and just skim past the times I'm critical of the things I like. This is fine of course, no one has to engage with everything I make- no one's forcing you to do that. But sometimes it really gets to this fan how "wrong" I am for being critical of Superman. How dare you make such nice, hopeful, optimistic Superman fan comics and be critical of all the nice Superman media there is now! Across-the-social medias but especially on twitter, is where I get this kind of reader. I'm pigeonholed as "the fan artist with great art but bad takes." You might recall on here it's the "this blog is too smug and superior to be worth wading through to read the good comics." incident. They're far from the only one.
Something that's always struck me about this kind of fan is how uninterested they are in the artist behind the art. If you're so surprised at how you've never seen an Immigrant Superman take like mine, wouldn't you be curious about the thought process that made an interpretation like that possible? I've seen readers who like my clois comics that then go on to read posts like my "Failure of Asian Lois Lane" essay. These kind of readers then discover that my take on Lois exists because I'm unsatisfied with how most Asian!Loises are handled in canon. That my comics exist as critique to the canon material. There's a recognition that these fan comics are informed by my personal experiences. I love these kind of readers. They're the type who eat up the homework posts I put under my fan comics and seek out context. That's good intellectual curiosity to have.
But this other kind of fan -the ones who like my fan comics but hate the critical thought and personal experience that make those very comics possible- is culturally representative of how a lot of cape comic fans are. They don't engage with my comics as art, but as content of their favorite character. They see me post comics that present Superman positively and think it's hypocritical when I'm negative about the character. Just enjoy the content, ignore the artist. Ignore what they bring to the character. That's how this fan copes.
DC as a company loves fans like this. It's a type of brand loyalty corporations dream of. On bluseky, I briefly talked about how hard it is to make and find criticism of modern Superman stuff because he exists in a culture war that's quick to place any nuanced criticism of his bright optimistic new media as "bitter snyderbro talking points". And I'm met with multiple Superman white knights who take it so personally that I'm critical of a fictional character they like. They moralize their love for Supes. Disliking Superman isn't an opinion someone can just have, it has to be secretly reflective of how bad you are as a person. If I say "Superman's boring sometimes" I get people making a big show of unfollowing me. That's the kind of loyalty to intellectual property money can't buy.
When you value a fictional character more than the real human artists behind them, you become this kind of fan. Remember when that Harley Quinn fart comic was announced? A bunch of comic fans on twitter decided to write a letter to DC comics protesting the title, spammed it everywhere while others harassed the woman writing that comic. Regardless of how bad a comic is, a fictional victim is never going to be more important than the real person writing them. But when you're obsessed with the dignity of these characters over the wellbeing of the artists behind them, this is normal behavior.
Cape media is such a bleak industry for comic artists. A character you created can be making billions as a blockbuster in the box office while you're still crowd funding for health care. Your contributions to Batman could be completely lost to history, uncredited, if it weren't for your son and granddaughter campaigning for that recognition. You're eternally a freelancer with no stability, and many of your peers die young. And it's a thankless job. Because most of your "fans" have that geek consumerism-as-an-identity mindset where they value Superman more than what you as an artist brought to him. The corporation doesn't respect its artists, and neither do the fans. The fact that you can experience this even when you make fan art -even when you don't work for the company- is proof of how pervasive this kind of culture is.
Today's meta thoughts came about from the fan discussion surrounding Peter David's (creator of Miguel O'Hara/Spiderman 2099 among many accomplishments) passing. His family still needs help recovering from medical debt of his long-term care. My Superman rambles tend to do well, so if I can help share his family's fundraiser even a bit, I'd be happy. No creator with this heavy an impact on the media landscape should be struggling financially.
Similarly! Share and support the Hero Initiative! They do great work with financially supporting aging comic creatives who have very little safety net due to the exploitative nature of the comics industry.
Calling out the cape comics industry isn't "attacking" your fictional fave. If you feel defensive whenever conversations about how exploitative this industry is come about, that's brand loyalty talking. The interior lives of these creatives shape the characters you love. Don't let them be forgotten.
#ramblings#jesncin dc meta#feeling all sorts of existential dread for the state of the comics industry and how fandom spaces perpetuate this#im known for my superman and clois fancomics on here so i wanted to start discussion from that point and expand
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More thoughts on Lucanis x Neve romance, from a Rookanis enjoyer, with love.
(Grab a snack. This is long.)
What I'll be focusing on in this post: Extra info and fun facts about Lucanis and Spite that I have gathered during my playthroughs. The consistency of Lucanis' writing between his romatic relationships with Rook and Neve. Addressing some criticism I've seen to be common. These are my thoughts and opinions.
As I said in my previous post about this topic, I enjoy seeing affectionate Lucanis from the external perspective, because it gives me more insight into his character. Of course, this isn't restricted to just romance, but that's what I want to focus on in this post. (It's too long as it is.) I also have to admit that I'm not exactly a Nevecanis shipper myself (not a big shipper in general), because I simply prefer romancing these characters myself, but I do think that it's a good thing that in my other playthroughs where I explore other options, besides my favourite, Lucanis has someone to make him happy, and I can personally think of nobody better for it than Neve, and Neve also deserves the world. I think it's good that they decided to pair some characters up, when unromanced, so that the group is more lively and doesn't feel like Rook's harem. Also, I tend to reblog whatever artwork of these characters that I like, regardless of whether I'm personally into the pairings or not, and regardless of whether they're possible in the game. Whatever you ship, we're good. As long as we're having fun. But that's beside the point of this post. I'm rambling already.
In my previous post, I ended my commentary with my thoughts about the dialogue cutscene that happens right after Inner Demons, where Rook finds Lucanis preparing dessert either for them or for Neve, depending on whether Rook romances him or not, and the similarities and differences of how each is handled and how each relationship develops until that point.
One thing that I didn't really touch upon is that if Rook saves Minrathous instead of Treviso, we don't get to do the Inner Demons quest, but we still get the dessert scene. So, only briefly. As most of us probably know by now, if Rook sacrifices Lucanis' home, they are cut off from his romance. Neve is not. I'm not going to delve deep into the nuance of that here. Suffice to say that Lucanis is in a vulnerable place after the Ossuary, almost a full year of physical and psychological torture, he's struggling for control of his own body with what most would consider a demon, he thinks his grandmother is dead. His abuser is still somewhere out there. He only has revenge, Treviso, and Illario left, and his cousin acts damn weird, on top of it all. If Rook makes the decision that also dooms his home, it understandably breaks his heart, even if he realizes that Rook is not to blame for what happened. He's lost pretty much everything at that point. (By the way, have you seen blighted Treviso? That place is utterly fucked. I don't think many people could process that in a healthy way.) Meanwhile Neve is in the same position as him when that choice occurs and is just as dependent on Rook's decision as he is. She is ultimately also not the one that makes the decision. It makes sense that he bonds with her over it rather than with Rook. (No, I don't care if you use a mod to make the romance happen anyway. Private mod use is none of my business.) I'm definitely not saying that one choice is better than the other, of couse. They're two different flavours of terrible. Neve is also hurt by the decision to sacrifice her home town, but she's also tragically used to struggling against the system alone and to people not showing up, and it feels like she still has at least something to hold onto. Minrathous is in terrible state and the future of the whole country looks grim, nobody knows what the consequences will be, but at the very least Dock Town stands. Hal is alive and selling treats. Some of the little people she cares about are still there. Neve's a different person with different problems to solve, and she can still find it in her heart to fall for Rook, which is amazing. But anyway...
---
What other sweet and interesting things have I learned from their romance?
Lucanis can recognize Rook by the sound of their footsteps.
We know that from walking in on him in Neve's office where he's alone, waiting for her.
Spite yells at him to talk to his sweetheart!
By saying, "Well, not just Spite," Lucanis is definitely referring to himself here. He wants to try and be more open about his feelings and Spite clearly tries to motivate him to be more proactive.
You can bet Spite yells at him to talk to Rook, as well.
Either way, we find out that Spite is supportive of Lucanis' relationship and even encourages him to act on his feelings. (Seriously, Lucanis beating around the bush must be so frustrating for a spirit of Determination.) I think that from this we can safely say that Spite also likes Neve. Enough to encourage Lucanis to court her.
Of course, we already know that Spite likes Rook a lot, and I imagine that most of us Rookanis lovers already headcanon Spite pestering Lucanis to express his feelings for Rook anyway. Or something similar. However, I don't think it's actually confirmed during a playthrough where Rook romances Lucanis. So, here, Spite canonicaly yells at Lucanis to woo his love interest.
A lot more yapping under the cut.
Once again, in this scene we see how Lucanis doesn't really have a lot of confidence in himself in this department. He keeps mentioning how he's not really good at sweet talk, which is very much in line with what he says during the previous scene where we catch him preparing the dessert before. In total, he says something to that effect at least 3 or 4 times in the game - that all he knows is knives and coffee, that he's not the charming type, that he isn't good with words, etc. (That's not what I personally think about him, but that's what he obviously thinks about himself.) He's not beating the wet cat allegations any time soon.
As I said in my previous post already, I noticed that some consider Lucanis' writing to be inconsistent between his romance with Rook and Neve. And we're all entitled to our opinions, of course. But I'd like to explain why I do not think that is true. Again, that is my perspective and my opinion.
There is one variable here that is not often taken into account here, and that is Rook. Well, two, actually. Because I think we also need to keep in mind that the scene where Lucanis' romance with Neve locks in happens quite some time after Inner Demons and the scene that occurs right afterwards where we catch Lucanis preparing the dessert. In that scene, he is still very much a wet cat, regardless of whether he's preparing the dessert to woo Rook or whether it's for Neve. (Not a bad thing to remember here is that falling for somebody seems to be rare enough for Lucanis, as he's never been in a relationship before, and he has already once before been rejected after trying to court somebody with a gift.)
First of all, if Rook is not present during the follow-up scene where the lock-in for Lucanis and Neve is supposed to happen, if the player for some reason decides to skip it, Lucanis does not express his interest to Neve and, tragically, may later regret this, should something happen to her. It makes sense that he would still have feelings for her, even if he never confessed. Love doesn't go away like that, just because you never put it into words. Also, I know this is a video game mechanic, but I still consider it part of his characterization that he needs his partner to either be very perceptive (like Rook during the scene after Inner Demons) or in this case get cornered a little to actually express his feelings in this complicated phase of his life. It makes sense when you look at how this scene plays out. Rook being there for the start of his romance with Neve is important - either it puts him a bit more at ease, or more on the spot, or a litte bit of both. Either way, it helps them work it out. (It also makes sense that it is Rook that basically spells it out to the player during the previous scene, after Inner Demons, that Lucanis has made a dessert specifically for them, if romanced, because they understand him and what he's trying to say, but the player may not, because Lucanis tends to deflect and put himself and his efforts down. He clearly has a lot of insecurity in this department and Rook is good at untangling it.)
As I also mentioned in my previous post, it's clear that when Lucanis made the first dessert, he clearly didn't express his feelings for Neve then, because... well, we get their romance lock-in here, in this scene, so much later. (I got this scene after Blood of Arlathan. That's pretty late in the game.) Neve also explicitly states that this is the second time he's made her favourite kind of pie.
With Rook, they figured it out and officially started dating on Lucanis' first try. (Or the first pie? Haha.) However, with Neve, this is his second attempt to express his feelings. This is one of the reasons why I think Lucanis' writing is consistent, and why I previously said that his romance with Neve may actually be slower than with Rook. They take longer to actually start dating and Lucanis is very much a wet cat all the way until this point.
And even in this scene, you can see that Lucanis drops the treat and coffee in Neve's office and is almost ready to evacuate again!
He just... keeps saying that.
That's so him. The Demon of Vyrantium, the legendary slayer of blood mages and Venatori, the master assassin, the demon-powered killing machine that made a near immortal eldrich horror bleed, on the verge of retreat... from his love interest, because he may know how to kill a man with his bare hands in a hundred different ways, but sweet talk? Nah, that's scary.
Except this time, Rook is there to provide emotional support (or peer pressure, haha). They already know all about his feelings for Neve. Especially if the Inner Demons quest occurs. And they can so tattle on him, if you so choose. Each of those options is pretty cute and/or funny.
No, I'm making you look great. You'll just have to trust me on this, Lucanis.
But most importantly, seeing Lucanis getting tangled in this situation, Neve finally says something. Either she finally figures it out, or more likely she just finally acknowledges it. She's a seasoned detective. She observes people all the time. Of course she would notice that he's trying to treat her special. However, from Neve's romance, we also know that she herself struggles with her own issues, namely with letting people close, so this is a significant step for her, as well. It makes sense that it takes them longer to bond, when Lucanis struggles to express his feelings and Neve tries to avoid catching feelings, or at least acting on them, for fear of things going wrong. And while Neve's bonding with Rook shows more of her internal struggle to let herself finally have something, we have to simply accept that the companions simply aren't and can't be as front as centre as the protagonist in such a game, so we can't delve into their inner workings as deeply in that case. (Funny, though, how I've never once seen anyone say that Neve's writing here is inconsistent. Almost as if it only matters when it's our Antivan male lover...) There are always going to be differences in how characters are handled in companion x companion romance vs protagonist x companion romance. Their romance is very much side content that's supposed to make them feel a little more real. It's also worth noting that Rook's lock-in scene with both Neve and Lucanis happens way earlier than this scene between them. But here, they both had a lot of time to let their feelings stew, so they can finally reach this point. However, Neve still warns him that she's not going to make his life easy. A light reference to what happens when you romance her with Rook.
I've seen some upset over the fact that we learn that Lucanis hangs out with Neve at night if he courts her, as if he doesn't with Rook. But we already know this from Lucanis' romance with Rook! Remember?

We know that Lucanis and Rook hang out together around midnight, as well! That's not new information, but I wanted to include it, because I do think (and will keep repeating that) Lucanis' writing is pretty consistent between the two romances. Lucanis loves to be around his partner. We know that from both his romances.
This is what he further says about Rook when romanced.

Which means that he will likely sit nearby like a content cat while Rook sorts out and reads their mail out loud for both of them or whatever. He doesn't care what they're up to. He wants to be there with them. It's implied that Rook and Lucanis read together. "Nearing midnight: Reading," only appears in that particular entry of his log book when he's romanced. They stay up at night to spend time together, as he also writes down in his log book. And it makes him happy, "just being around them", which you know not only from his words but also the tone of his voice when he talks about it in that banter.
Anyway. Because Neve finally acknowledges that Lucanis is clearly trying to spend time with her for a reason and admits that "maybe" she likes that (The woman also can't express her feelings to save her life, bless her.), Lucanis is pleasantly surprised (He says, "Really?" and sounds happily taken aback.) and responds warmly and enthusiastically afterwards, because of course he does. Because IS THIS SUCCESS??? LET'S GO! He gets giddy about it, and it's cute.
Neve.exe briefly stops working. Then tries to play it cool. Nothing to see here.
Encouraged by his unexpected success (He was almost about to run away!), he musters a bit of charm here, haha. From the coffee date with Rook early in the game and the scene where he almost kisses them when romanced, we know he has it in him, but at this point in the game he doesn't really seem to believe it himself. He repeats it over and over. He tells that to Emmrich at least twice. ("I don't know what [Rook] sees in me," is sort of a sad thing for him to say when you think about it, honestly, and when you look at his romance lock-in with Rook, it's a pattern. He doesn't believe he has much to offer.) He tells that to Rook when not romanced. He says it in this very scene. Yes, he's an adult. He knows what flirting is and what it entails. We all know he can pull it off. Whatever. But he clearly doesn't seem to believe that he can do it, or that he's good with words, and seems to be more comfortable expressing himself in other ways, especially at first. However, now that he knows that the person he cares for actually likes him back, too? Hell, yeah, he's unstoppable now. Heh, sort of anyway. When you think about it, his charm here and elsewhere, for most of the game actually, comes from him being earnest, not suave. Just him being himself. I think that's demonstrated on the couple of lines above. Telling Neve that she makes his life better and that he hopes he has more charm than this is not some killer move. It's just him being honest and enthusiastic after finding out she actually likes him back, and that ends up being sweeter and more charming than whatever flirt line anybody could possibly come up with. It also seems to me that once he knows that the affection is mutual, he does turn into a sweet talker, as we see on his later interactions with both Rook and Neve. But he does it in his own way.
Once again, it's important to remember that this happens quite late in the game. This is not the scene after the ordeal of Inner Demons where he prepares the first dessert, still rattled. This is possibly after all his quests have been resolved, his grandmother saved, etc. (For me, that is the case anyway.) This is why Lucanis' demeanor here is a bit more relaxed in general.
I do not think that means that his writing is inconsistent. We merely see another side of him under different circumstances.
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Now, I'd also like to talk about some of the banters they have together afterwards, because there's some fun information there, and they're also what I've seen some complaints about.
To me, the "inconsistencies" boil down to interpretation. Simply put, it depends on whether you can imagine two adults spending quality time together without having sex.
If somebody likes to interpret the banters as Lucanis and Neve being that intimate, I think that's perfectly fine... unless they also get super upset about it and make it a whole problem. I think the banters are written in a way that let's you interpret them how you please, which in Lucanis' case is a great choice, in my opinion. As far as I'm concerned, they handled it well.
It's sort of what a lot of us do while romancing him with Rook, as well, because there's enough space left for interpretation. While Lucanis' dialogue cutscenes with Rook are mostly tame, there's also enough space for the player to headcanon whatever level of intimacy they please for the rest of the game, because there's nothing to confirm or deny that.
Personally, for my own playthrough, I like to imagine that Rook and Lucanis share those shy, fleeting touches Isabela mentions after they officially start dating, share their first kiss after Lucanis' last quest/outing, and slowly get more physically intimate overtime, but make love for the first time after Tearstone Island, like it is in the game. So, as far as I'm concerned, I already have this idea of (slowly) intensifying intimacy with time for Rook and Lucanis. That's how I personally like it, and I think that any other headcanon people come up with for their own playthrough that pleases them is great - whether they imagine that Lucanis and Rook don't get intimate at all until the bedscene happens in the game, or that they break his cot in the pantry the same evening they share the dessert, or something in between, or something else entirely. Is the note in his log book about them having a pleasant late night chat or did they cuddle? Something else? Up to you.
My point is, you can easily do the same thing with the romance between Lucanis and Neve, because the banters are so unspecific.
Let's look at the most cheeky ones I've found.
Neve: So you and Spite are friends now? Can't say my money was on that one. Lucanis: I would've lost that bet too. Neve: If it lets you sleep at night… Unless this clears the way for new and different midnight brooding. Lucanis: I wouldn't put it past me. Neve: Well, find me at midnight and we'll test the theory. Lucanis: (Chuckles)
What does this banter tell us? It tells us that they spend time together late at night. But we already know that! From their romance lock-in scene. ("You find me at midnight just to talk.") I think this banter is a reference to that. How you imagine they spend that time, that's entirely up to you. If you imagine they're fucking their brains out, and you like that, cool! If you imagine they're sitting side by side, having a pleasant time, looking through Neve's case notes, and you like that, cool. If you think they're just starting to get physically intimate, cool. Because the banter does not say.
Taash: Hey, Lucanis. Lucanis: Yes? Taash: You and Neve? Lucanis: Yes. Taash: Nice catch. Lucanis: Thanks.
He's just as cagey as he is when Taash talks to him about Rook, by the way. It continues...
Taash: And Spite's good with her? Lucanis (Spite): No talking. When. Her hat comes off. Go play with wisps. Taash: 'Kay.
This one made me laugh.
But what does it actually mean? It tells us that Lucanis sets some boundaries with Spite. He's in love. He's in a relationship now. Of course he at the very least thinks about the possibility of getting intimate.
This can again be interpreted as Lucanis and Neve already being intimate in some way. Which also doesn't necessarily mean all the way - I swear that sometimes, it seems to me that people forget that cuddling and making out and other non-sexual forms of intimacy exist. Or it could mean that Lucanis has simply considered that this is where he wants the relationship to go sooner or later, and so he's told Spite, "Hey, if this situation occurs, be quiet and give us some space." This one definitely sounds more spicy and it shows that Lucanis obviously thinks about these things, but more than anything it shows that he asks Spite to give him privacy. Again, I feel like this is up to the player and what they want it to be.
I would also like to disagree with the narrative I have seen somewhere before that Neve rejects Spite. That's not the impression I've got from the game at all. I've never once caught Neve having a problem with Spite when she and Lucanis are in a relationship. (Though I don't yet know what happens during their romance when Minrathous is saved, because that's where I'm currently romancing Neve myself, but even then I haven't really seen her say anything that would suggest that she has a problem with Spite.) Most importantly, Spite clearly likes Neve. He even suggests that Lucanis should bring her flowers from Lavendel, which is adorable.
Seriously, his romance with Neve makes it almost seem that Spite is more competent at wooing somebody than Lucanis is sometimes, which is just so funny. This little guy, trapped in a world utterly alien to him, barely understands what feet are, but he knows you bring people flowers to show affection. I love him so much. While Lucanis' reaction shows he's probably never had an example of a healthy relationship of any kind for reference in his entire life. (Actually, from his reaction it seems to me that he perhaps simply doesn't yet know if Neve even likes flowers as a gift. Insufficient data.)
Either way, I think that when Lucanis loves Neve, Spite loves her, as well. It's not Neve who sends him away to have more privacy. It's Lucanis.
"BUT I WANT LUCANIS TO GET FLOWERS FOR ROOK, AS WELL!" Look at me. Listen to me. You give that man some damn flowers. He cooks for Rook. He prepares sweet treats for them. He invites them for coffee dates. He makes coffee or hot chocolate for them, and even though he himself doesn't even like tea, he makes sure it's in the Lighthouse for them. He would kill for them. You give the man flowers. Or rather, I'll tell you what to do: You go to Treviso, visit Fletcher, and buy that fancy tea (coffee) set for Lucanis after you lock his romance in, and you'll get that little cutscene where Rook gives it to him. Enjoy his romanced response. Call me crazy, but I think that's sweeter and more satisfying than the one line where Spite has to suggest giving flowers to Neve to him and Lucanis reacts like he's not even sure that's a good idea, haha. It's something wholesome and more normal that Rook can do for him to express their affection for a change, besides standing by his side through his struggles. But anyway.
Maybe it's because I like to imagine (my) Rook and Lucanis getting intimate at that point in the game, as well, and/or because I don't think that when two adults are alone in a room together, it necessarily means that they have to immediately get naked, those banters don't bother me, nor does it seem to me like the writing is inconsistent, especially because of how open to interpretation it is. If you leave your own assumptions out of it, the banters really don't say that much. They confirm for us that Lucanis has spicy thoughts, which I personally think is cute, and which I'm also pretty sure is already part of many people's headcanon for their Rook x Lucanis playthroughs anyway. They confirm for us that Lucanis enjoys spending time with his lover. And that he tries to communicate his boundaries to Spite.
I think it's also important to realize that these are two companion characters and we don't actually get any other romance scenes between them than the one described above, so they had to give their relationship some depth pretty much exclusively through banters and some rare mention here and there, just like they do it with Taash and Harding. (By the way, I also haven't seen anyone say anything about any possible inconsistencies with Taash and Harding, either.)
From the other banters, we find out that Lucanis asks Neve what her favourite dish is, and after she tells him, he promises to try and prepare something like that for her.
Lucanis: Neve, do you have a favourite food? Neve: Whatever you're cooking. Lucanis: There must be something. Neve: I might have a weakness for seafood and candlelight. Lucanis: I'll see what I can do.
He's clearly willing to learn and actively puts effort into his relationship. That's a trait that definitely also applies to his relationship with Rook. We know that because he remembers their favourite drink, makes sure it's stocked in the Lighthouse, and later prepares a matching treat. (He may even ask Emmrich for a recipe.) His love language clearly is food and quality time together. (And stabbing people for his lover, as is particularly clear from his romance with Rook.) That's how he seems to be most comfortable showing affection.
He also tells Neve that, during the Inner Demons quest, she was there to "sort of" help guide Rook through his mental prison. Neve tries to be cool about it and again ceases to function when he's earnest about it, which is always funny (and understandable).
Lucanis: Neve. In the Fade with Rook and Spite... you were there. I mean, not you, but... you know what I mean. You helped Rook. Sort of. Neve: Sort of? Well, isn't that flattering. At least I'm on your mind. Lucanis: You are. And not just then. Neve: I... oh. Well, then.
And he says he's not good with words.
Neve: I need to go through my notes later. See what the Shadows might find useful. Lucanis: Need company? Neve: No. But I'd love yours all the same. Lucanis: Then I'm yours.
Again, they talk about spending time together. That's definitely his thing. Lucanis also gives Neve similar "I'm yours," that he gives Rook. When you visit him in the pantry, he may say to Rook: "Did you need me? I'm yours." It couldn't be more clear that he's ready to be wherever Rook is, regardless of what they're doing, as well.
Also, a version of this banter exists before Lucanis and Neve start dating and possibly before dealing with Aelia. More casual, but similar vibe.
Lucanis: You don't sleep much, do you? Neve: More than you, but little enough. Still looking over everything on Aelia. Lucanis: If you need fresh eyes, I'm awake anyway. Neve: Maybe. If you don't mind the company. It comes with wisps. Lucanis: Wisps are nothing. Besides, you're better company than Spite. Neve: Really? Rumour has it I'm a pain in the ass. But that's if you ask Tarquin.
I think that's what Neve references when she says, "You find me at midnight just to talk."
All in all, the banters between Lucanis and Neve, and with a couple of other companions, during their romance simply hint at them having a loving relationship and spending quality time together. Consider that they had to squeeze their whole relationship into a few lines of banter and an occasional mention in dialogue and somehow make it believable, because unlike Rook and Lucanis, they don't have whole quests, outings, and many other interactions inside and outside of the Lighthouse, to develop their relationship.
Lucanis' relationship is definitely flavoured by his partner, whether it is Rook or Neve, and it's good that it's not completely the same for both couples, because they're different individuals, but I also don't really find any actual inconsistencies in their characterization between them.
I do agree that some of these interactions are super sweet and I would absolutely love it if we had some more of them between Rook and Lucanis and the other companions, because honestly I could easily listen to a hundred more, but it's also necessary to acknowledge that Lucanis and Neve are two companion characters and the few banters, one short cutscene, and a rare mention here and there, are all they get. And I think it's perfectly sufficient for them as NPCs. The interactions are lovely. They're clearly good for each other. But I also don't think they're actually getting anything extra in comparison with Rook, and I'm just honestly a bit baffled by the noise about it.
Rook as the protagonist has great chemistry and dynamic with Lucanis from the very beginning, thoughout the whole game, as I already to some extent described in my previous post. This post is already way too long without me getting too much into it here. But Rook has the benefit of being able to do Lucanis' quests, go on outings with him, be there for him during all the important moments (e.g. his grandma's funeral arrangements), have various interactions in the Lighthouse (e.g. Lucanis attempts to kiss them way before the dessert scene comes up) and outside of it. The Inner Demons quest is, in my opinion, the most intimate thing ever while doing his romance. They have banter together and with the other companions about their relationship and other things. We know they spend quality time together. Besides travelling everywhere side by side outside of the Lighthouse so often, they get together late at night, read together, are coffee buddies (or whatever drink you've chosen). Lucanis insists that Rook stay and tell stories while they drink with Davrin, wanting to hear a story from their life that he's already heard from others before, just because he thinks nobody tells it as well as Rook. I don't think that loses its meaning just because it's also a friendly interaction. Lucanis writes into his log book about them. He yells at Illario when he injures them. Etc. Etc. I really don't think there's any reason to hate on Neve, be jelly, or argue which relationship is more "canon". (For fuck's sake.)
Not to be patronizing or anything, but we, as a fandom, do remember what canon is, right? As in, actually established facts about the setting. As in, humans, elves, dwarves, and qunari are the races populating Thedas. Alistair Theirin was at the Battle of Ostagar. Magic and dragons exist. Treviso is in Antiva. Then there's personal "canon" that we each create for ourselves and those are wildly different. (And that's great about them!) For some, that means that e.g. the Hero of Ferelden died killing the Archdemon. Or that Hawke sided with the mages. Or that the Inquisitor exiled the Wardens. Or that Rook tricked Solas. Romances and optional relationships between NPCs fall into the category of personal "canon". Let's not forget that. It's so stupid to argue about which relationship is more legit when it literally depends on the player's choice. This is a reminder aimed especially at the part of the fandom crying that Neve's romance with Lucanis somehow invalidates Rook's romance with him.
As for them reusing small bits of Lucanis' romance scenes with Rook for his romance with Neve. Mostly this just means that he mentions her in like... two dialogues, maybe. It doesn't bother me, because to me that is the smart move, because it saved them time that they could invest into something else, probably more significant. I think it would bother me way more if they actually put unnecessary time into creating a lot extra content for them when I could have it instead. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it takes anything away from Lucanis' romance, because his romance and dynamic with Rook, overall, is delightful and consists of so much more than one short cutscene and a couple of lines.
Again, I'm not here to argue with anyone. Mostly, I think. I'm here to offer my perspective and also information for those who haven't seen Lucanis x Neve for themselves, don't have time for multiple playthroughs, or whatever, but are interested and/or want to know more about Lucanis for their headcanon.
Now, I'm going to end this rambling here, otherwise I'll keep adding to it forever. Pardon any mistakes or nonsense, I can't bear to read this all again, haha. If you've read all the way here, thank you so much for putting up with my bullshit. That's crazy.
#Dragon Age#Dragon Age: The Veilguard#DATV#Veilguard#Lucanis Dellamorte#Dragon Age: The Veilguard spoilers#DATV spoilers#Veilguard spoilers#I feel insane for having written all of this not gonna lie#it was supposed to be a short comparison#how did this happen#I just started one day and kept adding to it#what am I doing with my life?
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This post used to hold a poem inspired by the Rev. Munther Isaac's declaration that "God is under the rubble in Gaza."
After a few anons and a conversation with a Jewish friend, I've decided to take the poem down because, regardless of my own intentions with it, it risks feeding the long and extremely harmful history of blood libel, because I included imagery of the infant Jesus and his parents being killed by an Israeli soldier, as many Palestinians are being killed now.
Before talking with that friend, I wrote in this response to an anon about my intentions with the poem — but while I do believe that intentions do matter, they don't matter nearly as much as impact does.
My friend helped me come to the conclusion that while the poem I wrote could be interpreted as I intended by people who already have all the context I wrote it in (see below), it could also all too easily be interpreted much more harmfully by those who lack that context — or worse, who are looking for more fuel for their antisemitism. The poem is not worth that risk, not at all.
___
Ultimately, I hold two things I believe to be true in tension:
that Christians throughout the ages have found deep comfort and encouragement in understanding Jesus as suffering in and with them. I support all Christian Palestinians who, like Rev. Isaac, experience God-with-them in this way — in this horrific time, they deserve any ounce of comfort they can derive. And them personally seeking and finding the Divine presence with them is not antisemitic.
that for Christians like myself in the USA, who live in the beating heart of Empire and Christian Supremacy, it is vital to take care in how we talk about this theology in this current situation, where the oppressors are Jewish. Providing more fuel for Christian antisemitism is inexcusable, and I deeply apologize for writing and sharing a piece that can be used in that way.
Because modern-day Israel is a Jewish state, exploring that Divine solidarity in this context comes with a great risk of perpetuating the long, harmful history of antisemitic blood libel and accusations of deicide. How do we affirm God’s presence with those suffering in Palestine without (implicitly or explicitly) adding to the poisonous lie that “the Jews killed Jesus”?
In wrestling with this complexity, I tried to write this poem to uplift both Jesus’s Jewishness and his solidarity with Palestinians. Jesus was born into a Jewish family, his entire worldview was shaped by his Jewishness, and he shared in his people’s suffering under the Roman Empire. His solidarity with Palestinians of various faiths suffering today does not erase that Jewishness. Nor does it mean that Jewish persons don’t “belong” in the region — only that modern Israel’s occupation of Palestine is in no way necessary for Jews to live and thrive there, or anywhere else in the world.
I also aimed to point out that Israel is by no means acting alone in this attack on Gaza or their decades-long occupation of Palestine. There is a much larger Empire at work, with my own country, the United States, at the helm. Israel is entangled in that imperial mess, and directly backed and funded by those forces — not because of what politicians claim, that we have to back Israel or else we’re antisemitic, but because Israel is our strategic foothold in the so-called Middle East. How do we name our complicity as our tax dollars are funneled into violence across the world, and act to end that violence?
___
I'm sorry this post isn't as articulate as I want it to be. All of this to say: I deeply apologize for any hurt my poem caused. I understand how horrific Christianity's history of — and ongoing present — antisemitism is, and how it poisons and warps so much that could have been beautiful. I'll keep educating myself; I'll keep having hard conversations; I'll keep working to uproot antisemitism in myself and my communities.
___
I'll close with a list of resources for learning about Palestine's history and getting involved.
#deeply grateful E that you were willing to have that conversation with me!#you didn't have to and i appreciate the time and energy you spent doing so. solidarity forever <3
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you. Oh my god, you. (Positive)
listen. Before I had internet access, all I had was 1 hour of allotted browser time, bing image search, and a single dantdm play through of a hat in time that never got finished. I googled fanart and got pretty much nothing, I googled fancomics and got pretty much nothing, but you know what I did end up finding?
your art.
from ages 11-14, my goal in life, in art, was your art. I can’t tell you how much I loved finding random screenshots of your posts, because I was always just so impressed by how clean and consistent your sketches are, how the characters always stay on model, the shape language, how you could somehow sketch a character in like 20 lines when it took me 50 to draw sans in my little spiral notebook— like! Holy shit! For years I have looked up to your art! There’s still a photos folder on my dads old huge-ass 12 inch work iPad labeled “holy crap” and filled with your art. Because it inspired me so much. It’s become an undeniable part of my artstyle, now — I still have fanart I drew way back in the day of Hattie and the rest, I didn’t even know anyone’s names because I couldn’t play the game, but you’re the reason I eventually did play the game. Your coffee shop au and different versions of the prince— one of those ieterations inspired the main character of my novel! Well, novel that I tried to write, I was 13 so it was eh, but I tried!!
I’m submitting this on-anon because I don’t want to out my age on the wide internet (I like my privacy) but. Your art has really meant a lot to me. It’s the reason I played hollow knight, and it’s the reason I kept trying to develop an art style I was happy with. You’re the reason I started scribbling comics in my notebooks. Being 13-14 was pretty much the worst two years of my life, but I had Bing image search and the occasional glimpse of your signature, and I’d be so happy every time I found a new (if crusty) three-times screenshotted jpg. You literally introduced me to the concept of polyamory and nonbinary-ness with the coffee shop au. I had no other access to that in my household, and. Yeah. It meant a lot to me.
Anyway. I’m so glad I’ve finally tracked you down (in the most non-ominous way possible) and I’m so glad you’re still active— Please never stop making art. Your art is incredible, and amazing, and also you never know who’s out there on Bing image search. Thank you for creating for as long as you have. You’re pretty much the reason I’m shooting for an art degree (Wish me luck!) so just…Thank you.
(Also I had no idea you were a professional storyboarder, which is insane because that’s what I want to be when I’m through college. Hey, maybe I’ll end up storyboarding a remake of something you’ve storyboarded! hehehe)
Hi anon!
So right off the bat, I gotta tell you that this message made me start bawling when I woke up and saw it. Like I had a full-on cry session while reading your message and lying in bed for almost an hour. I am crying as I am typing this response, on my phone, still in bed. It’s 11am and i woke up at 9. So I hope it turns out coherent.
The last two years have been. weird. I say that a lot because I wanna say “rough” but that still doesn’t feel quite right. I’m almost hyper-aware that there are so many people that have it worse than me rn, so it feels hard to even acknowledge when I’m going through anything, myself, sometimes- REGARDLESS, it’s been kind of an all-time low for my mental health. There was a point within in the last year where I just HATED drawing. I struggled to bring myself to work, I struggled to bring myself to even draw for fun. It felt like I was posting just to post, trying to keep people aware of my existence and it almost felt physically painful to force myself to sit down and do it, sometimes.
I’m getting better now, I think, but. Yknow.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the “oh I can make money off this,” “oh I can get attention off this,” “oh I can prove myself a functional person in society with this,” of it all. I forget why I actually do this, sometimes, or if I even enjoy it. And then I get messages like yours, about the kid with limited internet access looking for A Hat in Time fan art on Bing image search, and I get taken back to when I was a kid scrolling Google images and deviantart for the same thing.
I don’t mean to like. Foster some kind of parasocial thing with you or any one of my followers. There’s a reason I’m saying all this, I hope it ties up in the end.
We don’t know each other. I’m not some mysterious legendary artist, or whatever. I’m a person who gets burnt out, and jealous, and insecure. I need inspiration to function, just like you, and when I don’t have it, I get art block. But I also really like to draw fictional characters kissing and hanging out. I like coming up with comics and stories and playing out dramatic and funny scenarios in my head like I’m mashing Barbies together. And when other people tell me they enjoy the stuff I put out when I do this, it makes me really, really, really happy.
I think I needed to read your message, probably. With the state of… Everything… Right now, especially recently, I feel like a lot of artists are also struggling with a sense of purpose, pride, and reason as the world makes it harder and harder to even BE an artist, these days. And when I read this message it was like Anton Ego at the end of Ratatouille, I got taken back to when I was a kid looking at my favorite artists and studying their style and striving to be better and better at it over years of my life. Not just because I wanted a job for it or cuz I wanted to be a famous Disney animator or whatever, but because it was fun and I just liked doing it.
Thank you, SO much. I say this in the most genuine and earnest way I possibly can possibly express. I wish you luck on your own path in art and art school. And if you decide that animation industry is your thing, then I wish you the best in that endeavor, as well. I think I will keep making art for a long time.
Peace and love on the planet earth ✌️✌️✌️
#alright I gotta get up and start my day I’m still in bed it’s almost noon lmao#you really never know who’s out there on Bing image search#rainy days tag#starting a new tag I wanna keep this
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what i learned during my reflection period⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🧖🏽♀️🎀
as you may or may not have noticed, i've been hiatus for most of the month now. and i disappeared because of personal reasons, and one of those reasons being that i felt i needed to reflect. here are some things that i've learned and realized during my reflection time.
this is quite personal to me, but i wanted to kind of have a heart to heart with you guys and im sure that someone is probably struggling with what i mention in this post so i hope this is comforting...💬🎀
WHY I FELT STUCK IN MY LOA JOURNEY ;
i was literally doing the most and it felt like such a chore at the time. i would force myself to affirm in ways that felt unnatural, i was letting myself get bullied by the 3D, even though i KNOW i dont have to do a thing. i was putting way too much effort in the wrong way.
WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;
i took a step back and RELAXED. i did what felt natural again and enjoyed manifesting again and because of that i've had success story after success story...💬🎀
DOING A SELF AUDIT ;
i wanted to take a second and expose toxic behaviors and patterns that i noticed i exhibit and that have started to affect not only my physical but my mental in a very very negative way.
i'd been struggling with regulating my emotions and managing them so i was a walking ball of stress 💀. a beautiful ball of stress but stress nonetheless. i just felt so stuck.
WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;
i went through the motions and after having a total meltdown and doing a bit of journalling i released everything, giving myself a completely clean slate once more.
i did a bit of a refresh and did miscellaneous things to make myself feel like im starting again. things like self concept work, changing the theme of my phone, taking an everything shower + bubble bath, having a pinterest makeover and getting a trim on my hair.
i forced myself to drink more water, and go for long walks not only to get some sunlight but to get my heart pumping and push myself out of the depressive rot that i had been in for months internally, but had pushed itself out as soon as summer started.
THE DEATH OF A SITUATIONSHIP ;
i got really attached to this boy 😭 but he was such a piece of work. like he did that hot and cold shit, but i rly rly liked him so i ignored the obvious red flags. but i got to a point where i just felt used and embarrassed. upon further reflection i think i didn't wanna let him go because he was so fine 💀, like 6'5 muscular kind of fine.
no matter how handsome a guy is if he has an ugly personality or if he just treats u badly then hes not fine at all...💬🎀
WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;
i went no contact. thats like the easiest way to get over someone i think lol. i went no contact and i just manifested better things for myself. like being asked out by a bunch of guys and wingstop to comfort myself 🧋
also i focused on what i got out of the whole thing. i got the redirection that i wanted, PLUS i was filled with inspiration for my song writing.
SONG RECOMMENDATIONS ;
i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - kali uchis
eternal sunshine - jhene aiko
let you go - clara la san
needy - ariana grande
AT THE END OF THE DAY ;
i wanted to include this section as a reminder that everyone goes through shit. things happen. its okay to be affected by it and its okay to be sad. the most important thing is to not dwell on it too long. remember that you are not a victim and remember how amazing you are BECAUSE YOU ARE. you are amazing and no matter what happens, regardless of anything your gonna be okay and your gonna be in a much better place, it starts with putting one foot in front of the other...💬🎀 (love honey)
#law of assumption#advice#honeytonedhottie⭐️#it girl#becoming that girl#self concept#self love#that girl#it girl energy#it girl journey#mental health#mental health awareness#heart to heart#girl talk#hyper femininity#dream girl tips#dream girl#dream life#self awareness#self reflection#hiatus#healing#healing journey#wiser#princess#pampered princess#glamorous
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have u read the homestuck epilogues? what do u think of them if u have? and do u have thoughts on june egbert
when the epilogues originally dropped, i read candy but i did not go on to read meat because the experience of being a homestuck fan at the release of the epilogues was a pretty miserable and i saw no reason to prolong it.
i did not categorically hate everything the epilogues were attempting to do but i think they are fundamentally and irredeemably flawed for one extremely big reason: you can not release something as the official continuation of a work while also insisting it is not a piece of the canon. it felt like they wanted to have their cake and eat it too in a way that completely undermined the entire work. they released it with faux-ao3 tagging/styling, but weren't brave enough to actually release is on ao3. it had to be elevated Above fanwork, but if you got too upset about it they could always just point out 'well we said it wasn't canon' to deflect legitimate criticism. plain and simple, it all felt like cowardice. release something intentionally designed to provoke and antagonize a dedicated fanbase and then retreat to twitter to complain about how nobody can understand and appreciate REAL, SERIOUS, QUEER ADULT CHARACTER WRITING. but like. real, serious queer adult character writing still needs to be good and I'm not sure the homestuck epilogues Were that. having characters you know to be 100% fictional and are now being written by a brand new set of people pretty much look at the camera and say "if you think my character writing is OOC it's only because you don't respect my interiority as a human being" rang extremely fucking hollow to me.
i think it should be obvious to anyone who has been following me for any amount of time that i don't want or need sanitized and saccharine character writing to be pleased and my issue was not that the epilogues were dark, it was that they felt confused and contrived.
being a homestuck fan took up all of the formative years of my life, without exaggeration. it was the main thing i was into from ages 14-21 and has been incomparably important to me. so it's next to impossible for me to separate my feelings about my epilogues from what it felt like to be a homestuck fan during the absolute clusterfuck of these things dropping, especially since i haven't revisited them since. one event in particular that really soured me was an official homestuck team member who i was decently good friends with asking me to delete tweets i made criticizing some aspects of the epilogues. i found to be an extremely unprofessional to do as someone who is on the payroll of an IP speaking to a fan of that work, regardless of whatever terms we may have been on. additionally, i found the way she + the epilogues writers responded to criticism of the epilogues from the pretty significant demographic of teen fans on twitter to be at best condescending and at worst actively cruel.
it felt like a bunch of people who wrote shock fiction about a beloved cast of characters - something they were fully within their right to do, to be clear - but then could not handle the extremely predictable reception to it. my eventual homestuck reread is penciled in for 2029 and if i can bring myself to [re]read the epilogues at that time, im going to. we will see how my feelings change then
as for june egbert: love her, but this is once again soured by the way post-mspa era homestuck treats the concept of canonicity. john egbert is my number one favorite fictional character of all time. if you tell me "great news, she's a girl now" i am in fact overjoyed by that. i think its something that adds a lot of texture to the character. but i don't like people treating it like it's canon when it just simply isn't. i don't think you get points for portraying a transfem character until you have actually... portrayed a transfem character. i do not keep up with hs2 for reasons that are probably pretty obvious so i'm not sure if anything has changed, but to the best of my knowledge june egbert is not yet canonical there either. it's very frustrating.
but you see what i mean about canonicity: ignore the fact that we haven't discussed june egbert's gender in a single actual piece of fiction. the toblerone says she's real so she is! ignore the fact that the homestuck epilogues are official works that were on the shelves at barnes and fucking noble, they're "beyond canon" because weve put AO3 headers on. it feels like lategame homestuck treats canonicity like a switch it can flip completely independent of the works they are making, in whatever way is convenient for them. if the HS2 team (shoutout to floral, one of the best to ever do it and nobody deserves to be writing homestuck more than them) ever does get around to making june egbert canon, i will be standing by to pop bottles.
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ough yes to Ford probably not being a cologne-wearer, nothing sexier than enjoying your partners' natural scent although I have been thinking, since it's kind of canon/people LOVE to bring it up, that Ford doesn't shower and me, a shower-every-night girly is like "So? I'll just make him shower we can even shower together :3c" which then got me thinking like. you love his natural scent but like at a certain point, it's been a couple of days dude, you are getting into the fuckin bath and you drag him into the bathroom with some resistance but he let's you undress him and he watches intently as you undress as well and you gotta push him into the shower a little but the minute you start washing his hair he completely melts into putty and you can do whatever you want, run your soapy hands over his body, tease him a little maybe and then you go to wash yourself and he takes the shampoo from you and starts returning the favor and OUGH...Ford soaping you up with his big, six-fingered hands and then he picks you up and fucks you against the shower wall... ..goddamn it you know what I guess I gotta write this fic myself
Not to out myself here or anything but.......I just know he smells like days old sweat and that does something unspeakable to me.
I've actually just been hit with the memory of this CEO guy who tried to schedule a paid date with me a long time ago, and he specified that he HAD to have access to my armpits at all times. He needed to be able to take me off somewhere private to smell them and I wasn't allowed to shower beforehand sdhjhjasfhjsf. I did not go on that date, but mostly because he was cheap. There were other reasons that I won't go into but....
Anyway I digress.
There's something super intimate about bathing together. Hair washing, too. It's a very loving activity to me because it directly shows great care for the other person. It does in terms of self care, too.
I think especially with Ford, he's liable to avoid showering both because of work but also he tends to neglect himself (I believe) due to poor mental health. I kind of side eye people when they laugh about how he got kicked out of the library that one time or whatever because he smelled so bad, because it's like, yeah, a lot of people with depression or those under great stress don't really shower much. It's pretty well known. The only reason I shower when my depression is bad is because I have OCD lol, they cancel each other out, but I think Ford just sort of forgot to take care of himself during that time. He was literally going mad.
In terms of Post-Portal!Ford though, encouraging him to bathe/shower by doing it with him would be good for him. It's like a reward. He does need to look after his health at some point, regardless of whether or not sweaty smells are hot. Removing sex from the equation for a moment; if he showers, he gets to be touched/receives intimacy for his efforts, and that's a big motivator. His partner can take care of him and that kind of removes a lot of the responsibility and effort from himself. He can give himself over and relax, which means both his mind and his body will benefit.
He can build a ritual around doing it. As you said, the process of undressing, watching a partner undress, and then washing together. Rituals build habit, from my experience.
(nsfw below)
And yeah, shower sex would also be very fun. Again, a reward for doing something good. Ford is definitely someone you have to motivate with more carrot and less stick, and he'd be up for that. I think that experimenting with sensations is fun, too. I don't know why, but I think that wet skin (like the texture of it, the way it slides against another persons) can feel nice. It can be very erotic. Everything moves together with ease and it there's no friction there.
Ford's probably strong enough that he can lift a partner up with ease and balance well enough to maintain that for a while. Or there's just the good ol' from behind position against the wall, to avoid falling over lol.
Sex in the bath is not viable, however. It's dangerous to fuck underwater and Ford is absolutely the kind of guy to tell a partner that and refuse to do it in case they get hurt, bless him. You can get UTIs or other infections from water-based bacteria.
shower sex irl is not fun though imo do not recommend. Did it once, never again. Water is not an internal lubricant and things get uncomfortable very quickly. I believe human arousal is actually water soluble? Not sure.
#ford pines x reader#stanford pines x reader#reader insert#nsfwsls#ford asks#asks#anon#anyway stinky ford nation up bigly in my books
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I keep being baffled by the amounts of readers who seem to have fits whenever a fic doesn't have chapters. How do they deal with all the Real Literature TM that doesn't have chapters?
Apart from the very simple "don't like, don't read" approach, if it's because you lose your place because the browser reloads, several options have already been suggested, and I sincerely hope it helps whoever feels that was the big problem.
I am one of those who post all in one go, regardless of the length, so I don't see the point of chapters. Yes, I know, "Post chapter by chapter anyways to improve readership and max your comment count and be more popular" or whatever the equivalent of "Game the algorithm" is on AO3. It feels like cheating to me; it's already all written down, and I am not here to play a numbers game. I crave feedback and interaction, of course; that's why I'm posting, but I don't want to use that kind of trick if it's already, well. All there already. Readers can take breaks whenever they want if they like breaks; I'm not their parent.
I also don't like reading WIPs because I will not have the immersion I prefer, or will forget half of what happened before, and I don't have time to reread everything each time I pick it up again, so I guess I don't see the appeal. You do you, etc. To each their preferences. (As a reader, I am team finished work + full_work or, more often, just download it all. That's how *I* roll; it doesn't mean *you* have to do the same, you know?).
I did try to post chapters a few times. Once, I inverted two of them while posting (still smarting over that years later), and another time, I was posting once a day to follow a daily prompt list… which gave me Big Angst because what if I dropped dead partway? (Yes, someone had access to my AO3 to post the drafted chapters if I croaked). Each time, I was really anxious about where to put the cutoff, or change the POV - at this point it makes the chapters more balanced length-wise, but it would be more interesting to have this scene from X's POV! This scene ends a chapter's subplot, but thematically goes with the next chapter's prompt! It might be stupid, but it is what it is, and I don't see why I should choose to torture myself for something I, as a reader, couldn't care less about.
I just… don't know when to break things up. I write linearly, and while I know the rough idea of where I'm going, I don't have a definite plan and sometimes things will be shaken up as I write. I use visual markers for scene changes and POV changes (not the same markers, actually), but sometimes a scene or POV will be much longer/shorter, so it would all make chapters super unbalanced, so??? Choices? I have to make choices? Nope. Visual marker it is, and I can breathe.
If that's grounds for muting/blocking me, then go for it, I guess? I just don't get the virulence of some of these anons on the topic - it's a you do you situation, and sometimes we just don't get why people do things differently, but that's how it's like sometimes. No need to be mad at people for not doing things the way YOU like.
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I don't care about maximizing readership, but chapters are the norm in many styles of writing. I prefer to divide a longer work into them instead of using anemic little section dividers. I save those for a sub-chapter division, should I need one.
Honestly, genre fiction is mostly divided into chapters. Yes, there are famous authors who don't use them, and I'm sure you're about to pull five out of your butt, but I think their work reads more poorly than the many, many authors who do use them. Yes, even Mr. Extra Famous And Loved By Fandom, whomever he is this time.
I don't particularly care about non-genre fiction, but plenty of multi-POV literary fiction does use chapters to divide the points of view.
It is common for chapters to be different lengths—desirable even. If a writer can't figure out how to divide something, I think that's a failure of skill... but no, I don't think it's that big of a deal in fic, and I'll read whatever has my blorbos and looks good even if it's formatted poorly and/or in a way I don't prefer.
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https://kawhh.tumblr.com/post/784202736767057920/im-sorry-to-any-anons-on-here-who-will-only-feel
I know you're most likely sick of talking about this by now but this rubs me the wrong way.
Its like she's trying to downplay it all as 'drama' all the time and its getting so tiring. I'm pretty sure i've been blocked as anon even though i was never mean and she won't actually say what is going on or let anyone try and discuss it even though she says she doesn't mind asking for her side on things?
I think it's really hard for me to speak on this element of the situation and not come across as a bitch, or that I'm unnecessarily targeting someone and deflecting blame from the person who is at fault - but I've skipped out on answering a lot of anons who have either sent me links to things (I've said before, this person has me blocked and I can't view them, so I haven't responded) or had something to say about how it's being handled on this end, but ultimately I do think this user is a part of the overall conversation - and I can't really ignore the impact their actions have had on everything that has happened since this all started last month
a point I really want to make by speaking on this is that it's important for everybody that these things are spoken about publicly, and spoken about honestly, regardless of personal bias, because Brynn's actions genuinely hurt people and caused genuine harm to the writing and reading community on here. ignoring it or sugarcoating it does not take away from the pain caused or the damage done, and it's important to look at multiple perspectives to form an opinion
** I never have and I never will condone hateful messages sent to anyone - that is not the purpose of me speaking on this - and I urge people who want to have any conversation with anybody about this to be respectful, constructive, and not to shout over what is a serious point to be made, because it gets us all nowhere **
under a read more because it's long:
will preface by saying, this is not me trying to stand here on my soap box and point fingers and say that anyone is to blame for brynn's blatant and persistent content theft but herself. that isn't why I'm responding to this. and like I said above, this user has me blocked, I have her blocked, there's no other way for me to speak on it but to do so publicly (as much as she might hold the opinion I have no need to do so) and I sort of just want to show how all of this has had a wider impact on others in this space
I'll also preface by saying kawhh has said throughout that she doesn't agree with Brynn's actions, but as I'll explain below - actions speak louder than words, and the words she's said just aren't enough.
for anyone blocked, this is the post in question:

*most screenshots throughout this post are going to look different bc some of them come from others that have sent these to me - oftentimes by people trying to make me aware as it’s assumed they are about me, I don't know if that's the case, and nor do I actually care, this isn’t me trying to insert myself - the general consensus seems to be that anyone who speaks on this situation is a mean girl, a bully, or a bitch, and I think whoever she's trying to apply that to, it's a problematic take to have. I’m including pictures for context because I can’t link to posts.
my first point from this, is that she does have a responsibility to speak on this situation, and the reason I'm so insistent on responsibility and accountability, is because this user has a documented pattern of choosing to ignore and sensor the facts in favour of platforming, enabling and excusing her friend, despite her repeated abhorrent actions
when announcing brynn's return to the platform in a post that was encouraging forgiveness and giving second chances (no mention of all the other chances given for her to do the right thing), there was also no mention of the specific things she did that caused her to delete in the first place. there were several mentions of "brynn's actions" with no specific detail of what those were, and when she was explicitly asked, she then linked to a post which was an apology from brynn (again, not detailing the full extent of these actions, with repeated references to "what she did" or "her actions" and not a single one explaining in clear, direct terms what that was) and an ask she answered that said "she was taking other people's work from other websites and posting it here, at least some of it" - it's a watered down version of the truth used as a manipulation tactic to people who aren't getting the full story to be able to make an informed decision. she keeps adding that "nobody is saying that stops the hurt" but her repeated disregard of the severity of everything does take away from it

the point I'm making here, is that in situations like this - where she was encouraging people to forgive and forget - there needs to be a clear, unbiased reference for what they are supposed to be forgiving and forgetting, and the repeated cover up, in my opinion, was deceptive and manipulative
there were several available, unbiased posts that she never reblogged to her audience - one including a statement from brynn herself, made with the utmost respect on that user's part, and including screenshotted proof and a clear intention for transparency - that she could have linked to, but she repeatedly disregarded these, and even belittled, shamed and blocked the people who posted them on multiple occasions - stating that people were "stirring the pot for drama", "cashing in on drama and poking around" "being rude or bullying" and engaging in "drama book clubs"
several points then stem from things being handled this way
one being the repeated disregard for how many times people did address this privately - there were screenshots in the aforementioned posts circulating at the time that showed this was addressed privately to brynn dating back to 2023, with her continuing to steal and lie - handling it privately was no longer an option
and the second being the way these statements then trickled down into vicious messages spread across to the people who had the integrity to speak on it, and were shamed and ~virtually spat on for doing so
*these are asks that were posted publicly, and I have no doubt don't reflect the extent of how many people this sort of stuff was sent to, I haven't said who they were sent to but if you read this and want me to, I'll happily do so - not including the vitriol that has been sent to me over the last month, because like I said above, I'm trying to make a point of how far and wide this stuff spreads when handled poorly, however (obviously as someone who had to witness some of the things sent my way, it is clear where the source of the hatred came from, and that is not me saying she herself sent any hate, but that her posts inspired such a reaction - including specific verbiage used within her posts/responses)
tying into the above, and going back to my point about responsibility, throughout the time brynn was then gone, this user was encouraging people to send anons to forward to brynn, actively engaging her in a toxic environment that she, herself, said was the cause of her stealing in the first place, didn't give her a chance to distance herself from it or reflect on why she, for so long and without regard for anybody's feelings, let herself be consumed by engagement on this site, and played a big part in her returning to the platform when a lot of her other friends (who have made public posts that I won't link, because this isn't about them) were actively encouraging her to stay away, grow and learn - friends who then faced the same level of backlash and anon hate when brynn returned despite them trying to help in private
*I am basing this off of the excuses that brynn herself gave for her actions, not any assumption or opinion.
*I'll follow on from this by saying, I understand wanting to try and lighten the load of what was happening for her friend, and wanting her to know that there were people that were worried or cared, but if you're putting out statements saying this whole thing was brought on by an obsession with attention, you should not then be weaponising said attention when the girl clearly needed to remove herself entirely for a chunk of time and reflect on her actions - and all of that while continuing to cover up the actual thing she did
**an anon has since pointed out to me that you cannot send an ask, even on anon, if you don't already have an account, meaning brynn was active when she claimed to be offline, had full access to any content kawhh was forwarding to her without the need to encourage anons to get involved, and in my opinion, anon messages were being utilised to garner sympathy and again, manipulate kawhh's audience - this is my opinion, you can make your own mind up on whether or not you believe in those intentions, I don't want to force it on you but I think it's important to include she had a presence when she claimed not to, and at a time when a lot of other people were dealing with the aftermath of her actions unfairly, and I can't speak on whether kawhh would have been aware of this, but regardless, the whole anon thing should never have been encouraged
and encouraging these sorts of asks obviously then led to a premature return (which again, from public posts and private conversations, I know others were actively encouraging brynn not to do), to an audience kawhh had built of people who did not know what brynn did entirely, and were led to believe others being "bitches" was the problem - there is a public response to one of kawhh's posts that I won't sc, bc the user who commented was doing so based off of a lack of information, but this post was basically saying "SHAME ON EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT BRYNN AND BEING MEAN ABOUT BRYNN, YOU WOULDN'T LIKE THE SAME THINGS BEING SAID ABOUT YOU", proving that there was a false narrative that had been created around the whole situation
obviously it caused another wave of hurt and upset when brynn did come back, at which point kawhh repeatedly platformed her, again, never mentioning the specifics or the extent of her previous actions, despite several "explanation posts" from both of them, trying to enforce her own bias on her audience, and reblogging posts from brynn to her audience who she thus far has withheld the complete truth from (which are still on her page at this moment in time, with, again, no acknowledgement of anything that came to light yesterday)
and this is the point I'm trying to make - and why I have a problem with "it's between me, brynn and her friends" - kawhh herself utilised her own following to create a platform for brynn to come back, and to do the exact same thing over again, therefore perpetuating the same hurt to more people than will ever come forward - people came to her for updates on brynn, with messages to send to brynn, and for an explanation of what she did because they trusted her
and while she has said in vague and non-committal phrases, that she doesn't agree with what brynn did, she has never once publicly held her to account to the following she then manipulated into engaging once more
labelling this entire thing as "drama" and acting like she is above it belittles what brynn did, which includes but is not limited to
stealing multiple fics from other platforms
stealing multiple fics from this platform
stealing multiple fics from her FRIENDS
stealing multiple IDEAS from her friends, posted in private forums, and claiming them as her own
using conversations with her friends or posts by her friends to suit her own content, and pretending like they were her own
*also important to use the correct wording - she didn't "copy writing for some of her posts" - she STOLE writing, oftentimes full fic, changing names only, and at this point with all the evidence shown and everyone who has come forward, it was not some of her posts. It spanned asks, blurbs, fics, mood boards etc, and is presumably most of what she posted, including even random things said in a text post and down to random meme reaction pictures used. Her entire presence and most of her interactions with others were based on plagiarism and theft.
all across multiple years, having been confronted multiple times, and all while refusing to actually, explicitly, say what she did whenever she apologised, and who she did it to - and I'll assume (having spoken to double digits at this point worth of people) it's because the depths at which this whole situation spreads would absolutely disgust people. she blocked people who called her out - people who ended up being bullied back into deleting any post calling her out after receiving anon hate and nasty comments - and she played innocent to anyone who approached her (there are multiple screenshots of messages calling her out, and she gives the same watered down excuses in each one)
assuming 2023 is as far as it does go back, people have been bullied into silence, and the point I'm making here, and the pattern I'm trying to show - is that you can see how something as seemingly innocent as not wanting to condemn a friend's actions to others, contributes to them continuing to purposely hurt others for their own gain
too many people have tried to handle this privately, and have ~unintentionally enabled her over time
all of the things said above have directly contributed to a toxic environment for others on this app, where anyone who speaks on it is sent hate, people who were privately trying to support their friend were sent hate, and someone who repeatedly hurt and stole from others was given a platform to do so
like I said in the beginning, I have no delusions that I can say all this without seeming like a bitch, or like I'm deflecting blame from who is truly responsible - and I have no expectations that kawhh will respond well to this, but something needs to be said when she's constantly undermining the situation while lying to her audience, making endless indirects, and all in the name of "staying out of drama land" and pointing the finger at "mean girls"
she is the one who consistently makes an effort to cover up what brynn did, and so when she continues to do it, she should own up to the fact she can't shirk responsibility for her part in it happening again
AGAIN, I don't condone hate sent to anyone - I'm trying to bring awareness to the multitude of ways in which dealing with this situation with such little regard for anyone but brynn, has caused a ripple effect throughout the community, and I'm hoping it opens some eyes who might have been convinced by the deceptive posts made by kawhh throughout this mess that there's more than one side to a story
I also understand this seems like a vast overreaction to this particular ask, but I had a lot of asks yesterday that I didn't respond to until I could gather my thoughts, and am using this as one singular response
#maggie talks shit#I also think for all the times I've referenced brynn's friends#it's only fair to clarify and avoid causing further stress to the people who did try
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