#but the only person I want to talk to is Lindsey

[hellalesbiangirl]

Random thoughts dump.

I feel like for the first time in eight years. I have truly made a friend that does not take my energy, that I don’t have to act around, that I can just be myself with, and they will accept me. someone I can talk to for fucking hours and have our conversations span from trivial to silly to so fucking deep and back again. And just like last time, I can feel this person helping me heal and being a solid stone and turning point in my life. And I don’t understand how I have managed to get this lucky do not just have one but now two soulmate best friends. Both of which being people who have low energy and just get drained by people like me and somehow being the exception for them. It’s so fucking wild and crazy to me and I am so fucking thankful.

[reidrum]

the prophecy part 1:

cards on the table, mine played out like fools in a fable | s.r.

A/N: trying something new…..this one’s been on my mind for too long and the angst hurt too good. sorry in advance ! perhaps a part 2 who’s to say ..,,,..,. ?

cw: bau!fem!reader, spoilers for prison arc, implied talks of SA (referring to when lindsey doses spencer in mexico), maeve donovan, just angst bro this doesn’t end well

summary: you and jj accompany spencer to cat’s correctional facility to play her games, except there’s more than one loser

wc: 2.1k

part 2

——————————————————————————

Cat Adams’ taunts and demands have led Spencer, JJ, and you to visit her in her correctional facility to play whatever game she has for him. Emily had you and JJ go with him given his erratic state from just being released, in hopes that you both could regulate and monitor the whole meeting.

You and JJ watch Spencer walk in stoically, sitting down across from Cat as she smiles at him. He angrily demands for his mother’s location, but she gets upset and tells him that he doesn’t get to treat her like a criminal. She only agrees to tell him the location if he plays her game, and figures out the secret she knows about Spencer.

Spencer’s brain works overtime to figure out what he’s missing, what Cat could possibly be holding against him that would make him deny the truth of it. He runs through all the scenarios; Spencer being able to now understand how it feels to have a parent used as a pawn, Cat wanting him to admit his love for her. But she shakes her head and reveals that a clue was left in a scrapbook in Spencer’s apartment.

You remember you took a picture of it when you went with Spencer to scope it out, and pulled it out to show JJ.

“Is that an X and a Y?” She ponders, “What could that mean?”

“I think it’s…” You stop halfway, realizing what it means. Your face drops and you look back in the room to watch Spencer come to the same conclusion.

“We’re pregnant!” Cat sings.

You and JJ look at each other in shock, the blonde’s voice slowly drowning out as you sink further into the Cat shaped hole. You vaguely hear her mention going to the guard to find her medical records, but all you can think about is how she could be bearing Spencer’s child.

Spencer and you had been together for a little over two years now. While still in the relative early stages, a lot about your relationship had been figured out and solidified. It was the most secure you’d ever felt with anyone, and despite the road bumps with Mexico you felt that you both came through it as well as any couple would in that situation.

You loved Spencer, and Spencer loved you. Right now was just another one of those road bumps, just like Mexico. That’s what you needed to tell yourself.

JJ bursts through the door with the medical documents, “I got them.” breaking you out of your spiral. You both anxiously look at the paper to find a little (+) sign ticked next to the pregnant box.

Cat Adams really was pregnant. You think you could be sick, you feel JJ’s hand grip your arm in an attempt to tether you back down, but it’s a futile effort. Your brain has already taken the information and ran a billion different directions with it, each coming up with a more crazy conclusion.

You stare blankly into the interrogation room as Spencer vehemently denies the child being his, denying any such way that it could even be his. The disbelief is ruling his words as he shuts down any theory that gives it truth, until Cat reminds him of the heavy dose he was given in Mexico. It hit him then, if he could barely remember the third person in that room, he had no bearing on whatever else transpired.

Spencer tries not to let the anxiety and shock show on his face as he sits down to face Cat in the eyes, “How did you do it?”

“I gave Lindsey very specific instructions to get you in the mood.”

“She pretend to be you?”

“Why, would that have worked?”

“No.” he says sternly.

She pauses, ego clearly bruised, “Yeah, I know. I know. Believe me, I know exactly where I stand on the Spencer Reid "Hot or Not" list. I told her to pretend to be Maeve. Maeve Donovan, who had her brains blown out right in front of you before you two could even kiss.”

Spencer’s face falls. No, he thinks, no no no. He looks back at the one way window behind him, knowing very well he can’t see you but you’re watching everything unfold disastrously.

Your heart drops so fast it could have very well been seismic. To your horror, Cat continues.

“I thought about telling her to pretend to be your little BAU girlfriend,” she chuckles, “But then I realized, you only had one love of your life. and you won’t let anyone else measure up.” She leans in closer, “By the way, I know that you still think about Maeve when you’re, you know, with your little crime fighter over there. But don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” She gives an over exaggerated wink to the window.

Spencer feels like he’s seeing white, anger coursing through his body as the reality of his situation comes to a head. He’s definitely not thinking when he pushes the table aside harshly, grabbing Cat by the collar and pushing her against the wall. He’s only able to stop when JJ is beside him suddenly attempting to pull him back, reminding him that she’s pregnant.

His fists are clenched and without a second thought he storms out of the room, his tunnel vision taking him right past you and JJ.

JJ doesn’t know what to do, she looks back into the room to see Cat smirking to herself, and god if she didn’t have morals she’d finish what Spencer started. She thinks it’s wise to go after Spencer and check on him, knowing that Cat’s timer is still ticking and the faster he gets back in there the sooner they can find his mother.

But then she looks at you and suddenly her feet are rooted next to yours.

She lays her hand on your shoulder and gently speaks, “Hey, I’m right here okay?”

You nod mindlessly, hoping you can keep the ocean of tears at bay with whatever resolve you can muster. She squeezes her hand at your acknowledgment and doesn’t move.

How is she supposed to even comfort you? How are you supposed to process this?

You knew how important Maeve Donovan was to Spencer. The whole thing had happened a year before you joined the team, only having heard the story through your teammates. It was tragic, there was no other way to put it, and your heart clenched for Spencer for having to go through that by himself. When you both first started dating, he disclosed the more intimate details to you, wanting nothing to be left unspoken about his past to affect his future with you.

What a cruel twist of fate.

“I—I think,” you stutter, “I have to go, JJ, I can’t be here right now.”

“But—“ She starts.

You cut her off, “No, JJ you have to go talk to Spencer and get him back in there. The longer his mom is with Lindsey…” you trail off.

She nods, understanding that you’re thinking about the priorities right now, “Okay, okay I’ll go find him. Where are you going to go?”

You could go home, the one you share with Spencer. Or you could go back to the office, the one you also share with Spencer.

Every realization adds another needle to your stack, and you’re about to crumble under the weight. “I—I don’t know.” You whimper.

JJ closes her eyes to think quickly and grips your shoulders, “Go back to the BAU okay? I’m going to call Emily and tell her to expect you back, you go straight there, do you understand me?” she emphasizes. JJ is smart enough to know that you cannot be alone right now, and that Spencer wouldn’t be able to scrounge up whatever focus he could into getting answers from Cat if he knew you had left by yourself to god knows where.

All you could do was nod, and hope and pray that your feet would carry you to the car and back to the bureau. JJ was nervous having you drive back, but she really didn’t have a choice. All she could do was notify Emily, as well as Penelope for tracking purposes, that you were headed back, and to not ask you too many questions.

After you left, JJ stood in the waiting room for a brief moment before going to find where Spencer went. She finds him sitting on the floor of an unused interrogation room with his head tucked into his knees.

She speaks quietly to not startle him, “Hey.”

He looks up at the voice, JJ noticing his eyes flit around and behind her as if looking for something, or someone. His eyes sulk back when he’s unable to find it.

Spencer opens his mouth to speak, “Is she—“

“She’s going back to the BAU, Emily knows she’s on the way,” she cuts him off already anticipating his question, “Listen, whatever you’re feeling about what just happened right now has to be paused. You need to focus and finish this stupid game with Cat so we can find your mother and be done with her.” She grits out.

He sighs shakily, he doesn’t even want to think about what must be going through your head. As much as it pained him to experience her vitriol first hand, you were on the other side of that window listening to every word Cat spewed out. And somehow, knowing you watched all of that hurt worse than Mexico, worse than Tobias Hankel, and even worse than Maeve Donovan.

Cat was playing a deeply fucked psychological game with him, and she had now called you in as a pawn. You, his darling girl. The one who made him see the light of the sun after it was constantly being put out, the one who loved him through his mother’s illness and wrongful imprisonment, the one who is, with all and every bit of certainty, the love of his life.

If the velvet black box in his sock drawer was any testament to the power that love held, he hoped it would take mercy on him in this moment.

He stands up and paces the room for a moment before kicking the chair to the other side of the room. JJ startles, her eyes widening but attempting to remain neutral faced as Spencer sorts out his emotions.

“Spence, we need to focus,” she reminds him, “Time is running out.”

“I know,” he mumbles and paces the room hoping to have a stroke of insight, “I have an idea.”

———

You must be no better than a zombie in the final apocalypse when you walk into the bullpen, stumbling around with glassy eyes, no regard for what’s in your way. The apathetic coping mechanism you’ve deployed almost makes you seem as mindless as those monsters, if it weren’t for Penelope to show up and steady you.

“I gotcha, honey,” She makes eye contact with Emily, acknowledging that she’s got you, before turning back to you again, “Come here, let’s sit down.” Penelope sits you down in the nearest chair and drags another one for her to sit right next to you.

You don’t speak for an hour after sitting. Penelope doesn’t ask, only checking in every ten minutes to see if you want a snack or some water, to which you shake your head no every time. She’s too busy typing away on her laptop getting information that could help the team find Spencer’s mother, the last thing you want to be is a bump in the road for them.

Another hour passes before the team exits the conference room, alerting you and Penelope that they think they’ve found the cabin where Diana and Lindsey are. Emily gathers everything they need before approaching you in the bullpen.

“Do I have to be here when you guys come back?” You ask quietly.

Emily sighs, understanding the gravity of your circumstance, “No, you don’t. Will you let Garcia drop you home though? Give us all a peace of mind.” She chuckles humorlessly, unknowingly squeezing the other shoulder JJ didn’t.

You know the ‘all’ she’s referring to really just means one person. It doesn’t make you feel any better, but you don’t think it’s meant to. She brings you in for a tight hug, “I’ll check on you after, okay?”

You nod and release from her embrace. Penelope gathers her things next to you and you both walk to the elevator.

“Honey,” It pained Garcia to see you like this, and she didn’t know how she could help, “What can I do?”

You sniffle and shrug, there isn’t much she can do. There isn’t even much that you could do. Not that anything you could do would be enough, it was never enough. Not for you, not for the team, and not for Spencer.

With a bitter chuckle you answer Penelope’s question,

“Bring back Maeve.”

[allaboutnayeli]

all this lauren james discourse is making me not only angry, but also very much sad. imagine being a young black girl who looks up to lauren james, going on social media to obsess over her because young fans do that, and seeing all this racism in comment sections about her. not only a young black girl but imagine being a black girl in soccer seeing a black player who's making such a impact receive so much hate online that's just pure racism. how do you think she's going to feel? women's soccer is becoming bigger, more and more young girls are able to see women soccer players be respected and held in high regard. do all these great things... but only if they're white little girls. for black little girls they see their favorite black players being harassed and racially abused online over something that happens in a game.

y'all love to use black bodies as entertainment and for profit. y'all love black athletes when they win games for you, but when they make a mistake or slightly out act suddenly all the racism in this fandom pops out. i don't even think some of y'all see black players as human with the way a lot of woso fans talk about them. yes, lauren james sometimes act out of frustration and step on someone's foot, obviously that isn't right but she doesn't deserve racism 😐 in the most recent situation with lauren where it LOOKS like she had millie in a headlock was so bothersome to see and then for millie to turn around & like a comment & reply to that comment about the headlock is insane. THEN for some other engwnt players to comment or like that post? if i was lauren, i would be angry. they probably liked that post not even thinking about it but that's what so frustrating. these white players can go through this space not worrying racism. it's a privilege to just casually do something like that and not realize what could happen after. the fact jess carter who is black liked that post too / commented on it is ridiculous.

there are so many players who are more aggressive than lauren by far or act out way more than lauren. not just katie mccabe but there's players like lindsey horan who i have literally watch videos of her acting out on the pitch after an opponent does something to her.

some of you woso fans just want black players for entertainment but forget the person behind it. you want them to win you games and take your teams to great heights but treat them like shit. black women are dominating women's soccer right now. be thankful to lauren james because half of those chelsea/engwnt goals wouldn't exist without her. be thankful to trinity rodman for being a force on the field. be thankful to jaedyn shaw who's been scoring in nearly every game she starts for the uswnt. be thankful to khiara keating who is a brick wall at just nineteen. be thankful to bunny shaw who is a top scorer for man city. there are so many other black players i can list which just shows much impact they have on this sport. stop treating black players like shit because these teams y'all love so much wouldn't be anything without them.

[misseviehyde]

LOOK WHAT MOMMY FOUND

Lindsey had always been a super kind person and as a Mom, she was just the best. She knew her daughter Betty was having real difficulties at the moment at school, so she told her husband Jack that she and him were going to do an act of kindness to try and cheer Betty up.

Betty was being badly bullied by a group of bitchy girls for being a science nerd. Lindsey had tried talking to the school, but as the girls were all popular and on the cheer squad no one seemed to want to do anything about it.

Lindsey had decided that although she couldn't get the school to listen, she could make Betty's home life nicer. They'd saved up a nice amount and she and Jack were going to surprise their daughter by stripping her room and letting her re-deocrate it, just like she'd been asking for years.

It was nice working together on their daughters room. The couple listened to the radio and whilst Jack got to work stripping the wallpaper, Lindsey began moving Betty's things in order to clear room. Their daughter was going to be so surprised and happy when she got back in a few hours.

Picking up an old satchel from inside Betty's wardrobe, Lindsey cursed as it tipped over and the contents tumbled over the floor. She gaped in stupified misunderstanding as a floppy pink skinsuit with a mane of blonde hair fell onto the floor. The suit looked like an empty human skin with painted nails, long lashes and stretchy tight skin. It smelt of perfume and was clearly female with two flat, but impressive bumps just waiting to be filled up.

"What on Earth is this?" asked Lindsey picking it up and holding it in front of her. The skin felt soft and young, like an eighteen year old's skin - and it had a zip down the back. Lindsay noticed that the toes were pedicured too and the face was incredibly beautiful - with soft pink lips and thick full black lashes. Right now the eyelids were closed like the skin was sleeping.

A journal had fallen out next to the skin and Jack picked it up to read.

"Using the DNA of the popular girls, I have grown a synthetic skin that will finally let me infiltrate and become one of them. I just have to find the courage to put it on and transform. My only concern is that the skin appears to have a life of it's own and have the genetic memory of all the evil bitches I used to create it. I am scared it is trying to wear me and make me into something I am not. I need more time to think about this. Darling, this is our daughters handwriting... have you... hey what are you doing Lindsey?"

Jack was shocked to see his wife was slipping off her clothes. She was stroking the skin and her pupils were dilated as if with pleasure. Her breathing was heavy and her chest was heaving with excitement.

"Mmm... I must put on the skin. I must put on the skin. I must wear it... Mommy needs it so bad."

Jack watched in horror as his wife stretched open the skin and began to clamber inside, squeezing her middle aged body into the tight smooth flesh and moaning with pleasure.

"Oooooh fuck yessss," she hissed sliding her legs into the skin's and moaning as it sucked tight. The legs were filled up, yet they were impossibly slender and long. Pink manciured toes wiggled enticingly as Lindsey began to pull the suit up higher.

Bones popped and Lindsay's waist cracked. She was now impossibly thin, her proportions back to those of an eighteen year old cheerleader as she hiked up the skin and popped her sagging breasts inside.

The boobs on front of the skin filled up, pert and firm, riding high on her chest. Lindsey groaned and slid her arms into the suit. Pink nails sprang from her fingers and using smoothed tanned skin she lifted the face up like a hood and pushed her face inside. Sliding the head over her own, she shivered as the blonde hair attached to her scalp and with a low moan she reached behind her to begin closing the zip.

As the suit sealed it sucked and constricted and Jack watched with a growing boner as his wife was replaced by a smirking blonde teen with blowjob lips and wicked eyes. She reached to her face and purred softly, pleased with her beautiful features.

"Mmmmmh, well well well, look what Mommy found," she giggled. "I should thank that little bitch Betty for making me my new skin. Now Mommy is young and strong again and I fucking LOVE it."

Standing up, Lindsey strutted over to the mirror and admired her perfect body. Jack's dick was absolutely rock hard now as she opened her daughters drawers and pulling out a pink flesh coloured one-piece climbed inside. Somehow she looked even hotter inside the lingerie as she began to do her makeup and hair.

By the time she was finished, she looked like a total teenage bitch - an eighteen year old slut. She looked just like the bitchy cheerleaders that were bullying Betty.

"Fuck yeah, you can call me Lia from now on, I always fucking hated that dumb name anyway."

Picking up Lindsey's wedding ring from the floor, Lia giggled and walking over to the window she tossed it outside. "Mmmmh I won't be needing that anymore. Your wife is fucking dead loser."

"Lindsey, no! Don't do this, take that skin off!"

"What skin? This one?" Reaching behind her back, Lia giggled as she snapped off the zip and tossed it out of the window too.

"But don't worry 'Daddy'. You can report your wife missing and I'll help you cover up what happened. All you have to do is make sure you help me adopt my new identity as your bitchy step-daughter."

Sinking to her knees before Jack, Lia looked up and smirking she began to unbutton his fly. "After all 'Daddy', I can do things that your wife never could."

Jack groaned as Lia wrapped her hot wet lips around his rock hard cock and started to suck. As his hands slid into her hair and he heard her moan approvingly, he knew he was going to do whatever this naughty little slut wanted him to do from now on.

***

"Awwww have you still not found that zip," giggled Lia as Betty her hands covered in dirt from where she had been searching in the garden wept and cried.

Her clothes ripped and torn, she crawled around on her hands and knees whilst her new 'step-sister' sat above her dressed in designer lingerie with a bitchy expression on her face.

"Even if you did find it, I'm never taking off this skin. Mommy is gone you fucking loser and so long as Jack is addicted to my mouth and my tight pussy, he'll do whatever I want."

Giggling Lia stood up and pushing the weakened Betty over she lowered her perfect ass onto her face. Betty moaned as her bully smothered her frantically trying to push the stronger girl off.

"Mmmmh, don't struggle loser. Breath my ass nice and deep, because from now on I'm the dominant bratty step-sister and you are my weak pathetic victim. Haha why would you ever leave something so fucking amazing just lying around?"

Mommy was no longer kind or helpful and Lia was definitely hear to stay...

[sunshine-theseus]

World Cup Loses and Transfers | Frido Rolfö x Reader

Words: 3.2k Summary: you get knocked out of the wc but you meet the woman of your dreams (I’m giving Kristie the playing time she deserved at the wc), please pretend frido never got injured Warnings: slightly suggestive. i think that's it. barely proof read. Requested by - @realsociadadferminofan

Being called up to the national team for the first time when you’re 27, right before the world cup, was unexpected and terrifying. I only knew Kristie, Lynn and Kelly from playing with them at Gotham, closest to the Mewis due to both growing up in Boston and playing with her sister Sam for a few years in North Carolina. It was a national team that was relatively skilled and fluid with one another, and I felt like an unnecessary part in a smoothly working machine.

“This has to be a, a joke, right? It’s four.” Kristie runs her hand down her face as she holds her phone in a deadly grip. I stare out the window, looking across the city, trying to ignore the way my gut drops when her phone rings before mine.

“Is Y/n there too? It might be easier to do you both at once.” I hear the accent from across the room and solemnly stand, dragging my feet across the floor, and sit on the couch beside Kristie, waving at our coach.

“I wanted to talk to you, and just let you both know, that you’re both selected to go to the world cup.” I choke on the words of thanks I was about to spew out and don’t even try to hold the tears back.

I turn toward Kristie, who has a similar expression, and I pull her into me.

“We did it.” I whisper in her ear and she rubs a hand up and down my back before we pull away.

“Thank you so much, I’m so excited.” Kristie gives her thanks and I repeat a similar message.

“You deserve this, you both bring something to the team on and off the field and it’s exactly what we need for the world cup.” We thank Vlatko once more and bid him goodbye, and I break down.

Kristie pulls me back into her and I cry, I can feel her tears drop on the top of my head but neither of us say anything for a moment. We hold each other and feel the relief and excitement of it all.

“You deserve this more than anyone Kristie. We’re going to go to the world cup and show people we are worth it.” I wipe away her tears and we both agree to separate and call our respective people.

~~~~~

The beginning of the tournament is nerve racking, but we beat Vietnam 3-0.

Then we play the Netherlands, and Vlatko doesn’t sub on a single person, and I begin to get nervous for our time at this tournament. We tie 1-1 and no one is happy. We have to at least tie with Portugal to get through to the knock-out rounds.

Lynn starts, I get subbed on at half time for Andi Sullivan, and Kristie gets subbed on in the 54th minute for Lindsey Horan. We’re still 0-0 in the last 3 minutes of the game, but Rose makes a pass to Kristie, who manages to slip the ball to me, and I make a powerful shot from just outside the penalty box. The goalkeeper’s hand grazes the ball as it spins, but it still hits the back of the net.

I scream as I make a run for Kristie, jumping into her arms as Rose and Lynn and whoever else hugs us.

The whistle blows to continue, but barely a minute later it blows again, indicating the end of the game.

I fall to my knees and weep, players patting my back as they pass. Emily is the one who lifts me off the ground and hugs me.

“You fucking did it.” I cling to her for a long time.

I’m surrounded as we celebrate, and I finally feel like I belong. Being hugged and congratulated by veterans of the team, singing kid’s jerseys and signs. People care about me.

~~~~~

Neither Kristie nor I start for the game against Sweden, which hurts considering how well we played the other day, but we keep our hopes up.

In similar fashion to the game against Portugal, I’m subbed on at half time, Kristie joining me.

“Go out and make a fucking difference! We’ve got this girls!” Lindsey yells as we run back out onto the field, ready to win this thing.

We take our positions, Alex kicking off. I follow the ball with my eyes as I make my way to mark my player, almost running into her as she heads toward me. Fridolina Rolfö is one of the best players in the world, with a versatility that isn’t seen all too often, and she’s standing right beside me. I also try to desperately ignore my raging crush on the tall Swedish player as the ball falls to my feet and I try to manoeuvre around her.

I kick the ball through her legs and take on down the field again, making a pass to Kristie. She passes to Alex who takes a shot, but Mušović catches it and falls to the ground with ease.

After the full 90’, neither team yet to concede a goal, we prepare for an extra 30 minutes, possibly even penalties. Vlatko gives us the order before the extra time begins, and I begin to get nervous again.

We fight as hard as we can for a goal, while simultaneously trying to keep Sweden away. By the time the final whistle blows to indicate the extra time is over, we’re still at a stagnant nil-nil. Penalties will be the decider. We line up, Andi stepping forward to take the first kick for us. It drifts into the goal with ease, and I hug Kristie to my side in short celebration.

Frido steps up next, taking her spot in front of Alyssa. I try not to think about how arguably good she looks as she takes a deep breath. She lets it go and runs, slotting the ball into the right corner.

1-1.

Kristie takes our 3rd. In a calm fashion I’ve witnessed from her many times before, she places the ball on the spot, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, and kicks. It flies into the top left corner, and I don’t waste a second in running out of the line and picking her up, spinning her around.

3-2.

Both teams struggle to convert another goal for a few shots, but we eventually end up 4-4. Then it comes to me. It’s up to me to get us through.

I line up with the ball, glancing to the left side of the net in hopes of confusing the keeper. I take three steps back, run, and kick the ball. It flies forward toward the right side of the goal and the goalie jumpers to the left. The ball looks like it’s about to go in, when it makes contact with the post, diverting it away from the net. I try not to fall to the ground, instead silently crying as Kristie holds me at her side, watching Lina Hurtig line up.

The world moves in slow motion as she kicks the ball. Alyssa gets her hands on the ball, but it flies back in the air and toward the net. She makes a dive to stop it before it crosses the line, sweeping it away. Both teams begin to celebrate in a moment of confusion, us hoping for a second chance to get through, Sweden believing they’ve knocked us out.

We wait in anticipation as the ref checks with the VAR, and I fall into Kristie’s arms, pulling us both to the floor as she announces the ball crossed the line.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I whisper apologies in her ear as we both cry, watching Lina run to her team.

“It’s my fault.” I can’t lift my head to look anyone in the eyes. I failed this team.

“It’s not your fault, it was bad luck. You did everything you could.” She comforts through her own tears.

“You should go talk to Lynn and the others.” I say, pulling away. Kristie nods curtly, hugging me once more before standing up and leaving me to wallow by myself.

“Ursäkta mig?” (excuse me). I turn toward the person looming over me and come face to face with Fridolina Rolfö.

“You played very well today. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s not your fault.” She offers me a hand which I take nervously.

“T- thank you. But I should’ve been able to make that penalty. You played well too.” I stare at the ground, far too nervous about who I’m talking to, and disappointed in my performance.

“Would you like to swap jerseys?” my head whips up to look at the tall blonde.

“W- with me? Frido Rolfö wants to swap jerseys with me?” I stutter as she smiles down at me.

“If you don’t mind.” I waste not a second more in pulling my jersey off and handing it to her, Frido copying me. We pull them over our heads and some photographer takes a picture. I smile despite my puffy eyes and the tears that have yet to dry.

“You really should be proud of your performance today. Despite missing the penalty, you played the best you could. Maybe we’ll see you at Barca one day.” She pats me on the back and heads back to her team. I do the same.

~~~~~

A few weeks later I get a rather shocking email. The world cup ended about a week ago, Spain taking the trophy over England, and the NWSL was about to start back up. This email put a stop to my plans.

“Dear Y/n L/n,

Barcelona Femeni has deeply reviewed your performance at the world cup and at Gotham FC, and we wish to extend an invitation for you to transfer to Barcelona before the start of our 2023/24 season.

Please get back to us as soon as possible. We may be open for discussion on your salary.”

I try not to scream in excitement, hyperaware of the newly engaged couple sleeping in the room next to me, and decide to take a day to think about it and discuss the idea with Kristie and my family. I get up and begin to make breakfast for the three of us, a simple poached eggs on avocado toast, to keep me distracted.

Eventually Kristie and Sam emerge, and I present them with the idea.

“You have to take it.” Sam tells me deadpan.

“Well hold on a second. Maybe you should take a few days to think about it.” Kristie counters, and I begin to get nervous.

“Offers like these don’t just hang in the air Kristie. It’s the best move for her career.”

“What about her family? And the NWSL? We’re so close to the final.”

“What about what’s best f-”

“I’m doing it.” I interrupt what’s inevitably going to become a fight if I let it drag on.

“I’m moving to Barcelona. Sam’s right, these opportunities don’t just wait for me to be ready, and they rarely come more than once. My family will understand and so will the club. I hope. I have to do this Kristie.” The girl simply nods in understanding, and I smile at Sam before heading back to my room to reply.

~~~~~

A week and a half later I’m stepping out of a taxi and standing in awe in front of the Joan Gamper training grounds. I came in yesterday to put myself in their system and take the signing announcement photos but being here for training made it seem much more real.

I stand watching the likes of Aitana Bonmati and Keira Walsh walk past me and into the building when a hand lands on my shoulder. Once again, Frido Rolfö towers over me with a wide, welcoming grin that spreads across her face.

“They took my recommendation!”

“What do you mean?” I begin to walk alongside her.

“I strongly suggested that Jonatan watch your performances at the world cup and the NWSL after we versed each other. We need a strong midfielder like you who can also make goals. Very similar to Alexia.”

“Me? Like Alexia Putellas? You’re lying.” The Swede simply smiles again as she pushes open the door to the locker room.

“Hola!” a chorus of voices greet us as we enter. We’re clearly the last here.

-

It takes me a few days to start gelling with other players. These people were the best of the best and I had to prove I belong here, so I did just that.

-

“Mapi, Mapi! Here!” I yell to the centre back, pointing to where I want the ball. 5v5s could be hard but they made it seem easy.

It flies through the air and lands against my chest before falling to the ground. I seem to be in an impossible situation, but I spot a gap and hit the ball through, managing to run around Lucy and tap it into the goal past Sandra.

“VAMOOOS.” Mapi, Frido, Ona and Aitana run toward me.

“You’re so good.” Frido taps me on the head affectionately as she pulls me into her side in some sort of hug. I blush and roll my eyes when I make eye contact with Pina, who was very aware of my crush on the forward.

“Thank you Frido.”

There must have been something in the air because I continued to bang in goals all session.

I tap the ball back behind me to navigate around Alexia and chip it over Sandra, right into the goal.

I make a shot from the boarder of the penalty box, and it lands in the top right corner.

Aitana shoots the ball into the air and before I can think, I’m jumping and throwing my leg in the air behind me. It connects with the ball, and I turn my head to watch if it goals in as I fall to the ground. The net ripples behind Sandra and I’m at the bottom of the dogpile before I can say anything.

“You just flawlessly executed a bicycle kick what the fuck?!”

“How’d you do that?”

“Can you do that again?” a new question is presented before I can answer the previous and I just laugh. Eventually everyone gets off and heads to lunch, but Frido helps me up.

“You’re performing goals like that but you’re not a striker? Why?”

“It just feels right. I’ve always been told I’m best midfield even though getting goals has always been something I loved doing.” She hums and takes my hand as we follow the others.

~~~~~

“We’re playing truth or dare! No complaints!” Claudia shouts over the groans spewing from everyone’s mouths.

“It’s the ultimate team bonding experience. Come on.”

“I’ll go first!” Ona volunteers and we all wait to see who she picks.

“Mapi. I dare you to knock on your neighbours door, accusing them on stealing Bagheera.”

“But Señorita Ruiz is so nice, and old.” Despite the complaint, Mapi gets up and walks out of her apartment, Ona following her, and knocks on Ms Ruiz’s door.

“María Pilar! How dare you accuse me of stealing Bagheera! I look after him every time you go away and take good care of him! I would never do such a thing.” The sounds of what one could only assume to be a handbag hitting Mapi, echo down the hall.

“Lo siento, lo siento Señorita! Por favor my friend made me I’m sorry!” the subject of the quabble meows and struts out of the apartment and toward Señorita Ruiz’s.

“Never accuse me of such things again or no more buñuelos.” Eventually the two come back, Mapi red faced with Bagheera in her arms, and Ona giggling in joy.

“My turn I suppose.” Mapi seethes jokingly.

“Y/n. I dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with Frido.” I stop, but Frido is already standing, and I can’t say no.

“Let’s do this.” I whisper, apparently loud enough for everyone to hear, as they cheer and laugh.

I follow Frido to Mapi and Ingrid’s bedroom and close the door behind me. As soon as I do, I’m pushed up against the wood. My breathing stops and I flush red, trying not to look at her lips.

“If you don’t want this, tell me now. Otherwise, I’m going to kiss you because I’ve wanted to since I first saw you.”

“I want you to kiss me so bad.” She surges forward, pressing her lips against mine, and I grasp at the loose fabric of her shirt to pull her closer.

I don’t even try to talk as we continue to make out against the door. I try not to think about how hot she looks with dishevelled hair and ruffled clothes, my lip-gloss smudged against her own lips, otherwise we won’t be leaving this room.

Then comes an aggressive bang from the other side, Mapi yelling time is up.

“This isn’t over.” She whispers in my ear as she reaches around me to open the door and walks out. I stand still in awe as I watch her walk away, and Mapi has to usher me back to the circle where I sit next to Frido.

~~~~~

I went home with her that night and woke up the next morning buried beneath satin sheets with an arm around my waist, skin on skin. Despite the deep want inside of me to freak out, I take a breath and take in the world around me. The sun streams through the window and lands perfectly on the face of the woman beside me, making her skin light up and her hair seem like liquid gold.

I spot the pile of our clothes on the floor and giggle at the memory of how hard they were to take off last night in our rushed kisses. But then I remember how the rush slowed down. There was no other word to describe it except love.

Frido’s eyes slowly open and she grins at me, leaning forward and pressing soft kisses to my shoulder and neck. I sit up urgently and reach a hand toward the spot she just kissed, then stand and head toward the bathroom linked to her room. There on the side of my neck, is a row of small, dark purple hickies. Frido follows me in and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder, and continues to kiss every inch of skin she could reach.

“I have no way to cover these up before training.” I groan and throw my head back.

“Good.” She shrugs before kissing me on the lips, and then goes back to her room.

“You did it on purpose!” I whine.

“I will never admit that. Now join me.” She pulls me into the shower before I can protest.

Let’s just say we were nearly late to training. And I had to borrow her spare kit. And everyone most certainly knew what happened.

Ingrid was the first to point it out, poking a finger into the bruises on my neck and pointing them out to Mapi. I swat them away but it only brings more attention to us. Alexia is the next one over and she gracefully points out the 16 that replaces my usual 3. I look over to Frido for help but she just laughs.

“You know what? At least I’ve got a girlfriend. More than some of you can say.” I laugh along with some of them but Frido seems shocked. I tilt my head to the side in confusion, running my sentence through my head.

My smile drops but she leans over and kisses me.

“Yeah at least she has a girlfriend.”

[rebelliousstories]

I Know Now

Relationship: Spencer Reid x Reader

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Request: No

Warnings: Angst, Light Fluff

Word Count: 1,032

Main Masterlist: Here

Criminal Minds Masterlist: Here

Part One: Did You Know?// Part Three: Somebody Knows// Part Four: What We Know

Summary: When it comes time for Reid to come home, everyone is happy. Everyone except the one person he wants to see more than anyone else.

“Cherish every moment with those you love, because tomorrow is never promised.” - Unknown

Spencer had no idea what was going on as he was brought into the visitors room. He was not sure what was going on, but within a few minutes, he got his answer. Jennifer walked into the room with a teary smile on her face as she looked at her best friend.

“We’re taking you home.” For the first time in three months, Spencer voluntarily touched another human being. Weight was taken off of him as he hugged her close, but he was waiting to see one specific person.

Checking out of the prison felt amazing. He was never going to go back to those walls again if he could help it. Reid dressed in the suit he wore in again, and waited for the gate to be opened. On the other side, he was delighted to see his friends and coworkers. Garcia came up and wrapped him up tightly, to which he smiled at, but as he looked around, he could not help but be disappointed. His wife was nowhere to be seen. Pulling away, Spencer realized that he must have had a confused look on his face because Penelope spoke up.

“We tried to get into contact with her, but she wasn’t answering her phone.” She whispered, ushering the man into the SUV that was awaiting them. With everything happening with his mom, Lindsey, Scratch; the one thing he needed was her to keep him sane.

Penelope gave him a portable battery charger for the drive, because after three months, his phone was definitely not charged enough for a call. Spencer sat impatiently as he waited for the phone to power up. They turned the corner to go into headquarters and he felt relief at seeing the beautiful building again. He thought he would never see it again. Once his phone was online, he immediately began to try and call his wife, only to be met with her voicemail every time.

Jennifer offered to take Spencer by their apartment to check, as Cassie’s phone was also going to voicemail. It was starting to become weird for the team as they tried to piece together the pieces of this puzzle. Spencer stepped inside of his apartment and immediately spotted the scrapbook that was left out in the open. Two pieces from the book were not where they were supposed to be. A picture that he had made of himself and a tightrope walker, and a picture from the very first time that his mom had met his future wife. Spencer remembered that day so clearly after all these years.

“Mom, hey. How are you feeling today?” Spencer spoke softly through the room as he walked inside. Sitting in a chair, facing the window, was his mother. She turned her head at the sound of his voice and was shocked to see her son, and someone behind him.

“Spencer, what a pleasant surprise. I’m feeling okay today. They had pancakes for breakfast so it was a good start. Who’s this?” Diana jumped straight to the point. Stepping to the side, Spencer presented the young lady that was behind him. She gave her full name as she made her way to the elder Reid.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Reid. Spencer couldn’t stop talking about you the entire time here.” She held out her hand, and waited, but the older woman only looked at it. Sensing the awkward tension beginning to arise, the younger woman held out the present in her hands towards her boyfriend’s mother.

“Spence told me you weren’t a fan of flowers, or chocolates, or anything of the sort so I thought this would be a good thing to bring.” Diana took the object, and look down inquisitively. In her hands, rested a book. Not just any book, no; this was a gorgeous ornate version of Parliament of Fowls. The same stories she used to read to Spencer as a young boy. Trailing her hands over the cover, she felt the embossing and looked up at the stranger with her son.

“Are you two going to stand forever, or come sit down and join me?” Turning to her boyfriend, she smiled as he walked her over to where two chairs sat side by side.

“Spence, are you okay?” JJ asked, resting a hand on his shoulder. He jolted out of his seat at the touch, causing the woman to step back with her hands up in defense.

“Sorry, sorry,” came his panted breaths, “just realized that these two pictures aren’t where they’re suppose to be.”

“Is there anything significant about them?” She inquired, looking over his shoulder.

The one of him as a child looked unmarked, but turning it around showed him the note in lipstick. XX-XY. However, the other picture was very clearly marked. The same red lipstick was scribbled over his wife’s face and stomach. He knew what the first clue meant, but what on earth did this mean? Spencer stood up abruptly, and went to look around his apartment. There was no sign of his mother or wife all through the humble abode, sending him further and further to the edge. Cassie was not there either, which added another layer to his frayed state already.

It should have been more of a shock to find Cassie dead, and Lindsey on the run, but it was not. At least not to Spencer. This was the natural escalation of things, he supposed. He felt relief when he heard that the victim at the gas station was male; his mother and wife were still alive. But as he sat in the BAU again, trying to crack this case, he kept getting tunnel vision. What was he not seeing? What was alluding him?

When they finally got a break in the case, he was not sure whether or not he was thankful. Because the second that face popped up on the big screen, he felt like he could break it. The screen and the person on it.

“It’s me.”

George Eliot wrote, “Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.”

Tag:

@bringitonhomejohnb

[alwaysonthemend]

Read Part I Here

Author's Note: The long awaited Part 2! Thanks to all those who sent asks about it - ya'll helped keep me motivated🤍 This turned out a lil' angstier than I had initially intended but it all works out in the end 😌

All I have left to add is justice for Jake's curly hair and for Waited All Your Life (it'll make sense once you read it)

Content Warnings: Jake x Fem!reader / Jake x Fem!OC (Lindsey) / Mature content / 18+ Only / angst / adult themes / unrequited love / feelings of inadequacy / miscommunication / break ups / graphic descriptions of sex / oral sex / fingering / I'm going to go ahead and tag this with emotional cheating as well because Jake is definitely emotionally cheating on Lindsey (emotional cheating is still cheating so it gets a warning)

Word Count: 9k (I don't wanna talk abt it)

My Taglist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

March, 2023 – Nashville International Airport – Y/n’s POV 

The coffee you had downed earlier that morning does nothing to stop the way your eyelids fight to stay closed every time you blink. The airport isn’t too busy yet – a small victory, thanks to the early hour. You walk slowly, eyes focused up at the signs as you wheel your carry-on behind you. 

There! You think to yourself, finally catching sight of C3. Exhaustedly, you dump your things on the floor next to a row of seats and you collapse heavily into one. You glance around again, then look over your shoulder. So far, it seems you’re the first to arrive. 

Anxiety thrums through you, making your palms feel cold and clammy and the back of your neck feeling hot. You’re struck with the sudden desire to just turn tail and run for the hills. But unfortunately you can’t. Just like you couldn’t quit your job at your agency with such short notice. You’d told him you were done – that you were leaving and you’d fully intended to do so. But your boss hadn’t exactly been understanding when you told her you wanted to be transferred somewhere else. You can still hear her shocked voice through the phone, completely shattering any hopes you’d had of being able to escape this shit show with at least a little bit of dignity left. 

So here you sit, waiting. 

And of course, since the universe is intent on making your life as miserable as possible, he is the next person to arrive. 

“Y/n.” Jake’s voice is the same as ever – but this time still just a little bit rough since it’s so early. “I… I thought you said-”

“My notice has been put in.” You interrupt him, wringing your hands together where they sit in your lap. “They just couldn’t find someone to fill in for me at such short notice.”

Jake’s eyes widen just a little at the sharpness of your tone. You wince internally but keep your face deliberately neutral. It’s not his fault, you remind yourself. How could he have known that I love him?

“Oh.” He answers, shuffling his feet a little and glancing down at the ground. 

It’s silent for long enough that you almost start talking about the weather or the traffic but you refrain. You’re both going to have to get over this eventually if you’re going to be expected to work together for this last leg of the tour.

“May I sit?” He asks at last, gesturing to one of the seats next to yours after standing there awkwardly with his suitcase in one hand and his backpack slung over his shoulder in a way that can’t be comfortable. 

“Sure.” 

Jake sits and you bite your tongue. There’s so much you want to say – so much that you wish you had said, but the middle of an airport terminal at 6 in the morning isn’t exactly the place for it. 

The silence is worse than the talking but you don’t want to be the one to break it. Just a few months and then I can forget he ever existed, you think – deliberately ignoring the fact that you know you could never forget what it feels like to be in love with Jake Kiskza. Even when he doesn’t love you back. 

“How was the ride here?” He asks haltingly, lips instantly turning down in a wince at the stupid question. But at least it’s not silent anymore. 

“Boring. Not much traffic, thankfully.” So much for not talking about the traffic. 

Jake nods once, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before answering. 

“Same. Perks of an early flight. Beat the rush.” 

You’re pretty sure this is the most excruciating thing you’ve ever had to experience and you can’t help but look around in a desperate hope that someone else has arrived to end this torture. No such luck. 

“Right.” You answer him, pulling your phone out to check the time. It’s an hour to boarding and surely one of the others will be here soon. 

Of course I’m the only tech who also lives in Nashville, you think bitterly, wishing that anyone other than a Kiszka or Wagner were here in order to rescue you. Jake looks just as uncomfortable as you do. He keeps shifting in his seat and fixing his hair when it doesn’t need to be fixed. 

After a long moment of tense, uncomfortable silence, Jake opens his mouth – clearly about to say something that you don’t really want to hear, when a loud “Good morning, fellow travelers!” interrupts him. 

Sam’s voice makes you jump and Jake’s mouth snaps shut. You whip around to see Sam – looking far too energetic for this early in the morning. 

“Morning, Samuel.” Jake grumbles, looking not at all happy at his untimely interruption but you couldn’t be more grateful. 

Sam, always good at being entirely unaware, plops himself down in the seat on the other side of you and leans on his knees to look past you and over at Jake. 

“Glad to see you’re still a grumpy bastard in the morning.” Sam then looks at you. “And Y/n, it's always nice to see your bright, shining face this early.”

You don’t feel particularly bright or shiny but you smile at Sam despite the anxiety coursing through your veins. 

“Morning, Sam. Glad to have the life of the party present at last.” 

It doesn’t take long for Daniel to arrive next, a little less cheery and energetic as Sam but still in a great mood. You know they’re happy to be going back on the road. You would be too if… if things hadn’t happened the way they did. 

// 

The terminal fills and fills until finally passengers are allowed to board. You rise, grabbing your suitcase and you toss your empty coffee cup into the trash. Jake rises too, immediately grabbing his things and following you. 

“Y.n…” He starts, fumbling in his pocket to pull out his boarding pass. “Can- can I sit next to you? I’m sure Josh wouldn’t mind if he and I switched.”

You pause. You really don’t know if this is the place for whatever conversation Jake is going to force you to have. You would much rather sit next to Josh, just as had been originally planned, but you can’t help the way Jake’s sincere, chocolate eyes make you melt. 

“I mean, if you want to I guess you-”

Once again, the two of you are interrupted by a loud voice, this time coming from Josh as he practically sprints across the terminal. 

“Made it!” He exclaims, making Sam roll his eyes and Daniel laugh a little. 

“Always the dramatic entrance, Josh.” Danny mutters before walking up and scanning his boarding pass. 

“Josh.” Jake nods at his twin, looking as if he’d like to throttle the man. 

“Jake.” He answers and then smiles at you. “Y/n! Good morning!”

“Morning, Josh.” He instantly puts your nerves to rest a little, making that knot of anxiety loosen just enough for you to feel a little less miserable. 

“No Lindsey?” 

Your heart swoops down into your stomach as Jake widens his eyes a little at Josh’s question. 

“Um.” He starts, swallowing thickly and darting his eyes towards you. “She’s uh.. She’s gonna meet us in Raleigh. I think she’s going to tag along until El Paso… Just depends on how much time she can get off from work.” 

“Ah.” Josh shoves his phone into his pocket. “Gotcha. Well,” he glances at the dwindling line of people as they board the plane and then looks to you, “you ready, seat buddy?”

You glance at Jake and try to ignore the wounded look in his eyes. The stark reminder that not only does Jake not have feelings for you but that he’s also in a committed relationship to someone else… well. It’s enough to remind you why you asked Josh to get the seat next to yours in the first place. 

“Of course!” You loop your free arm with Josh’s and give him and Jake the most convincing smile that you can muster. “Let's get this show on the road.” 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 12, 2023 - Greenville, SC

It had been entirely too easy for you to pretend as if Jake doesn’t exist – as if the two of you hadn’t been such good friends just months before. He’d taken the hint early on that you didn’t want to discuss whatever it was that he felt the two of you needed to discuss. You were mortified as it is that Lindsey knew the truth – and horrified by the knowledge that Jake knows how much you’d misread the situation with him. He’d been looking for a hookup and you were the unfortunate one who’d managed to catch feelings throughout it all. But so far, Jake has respected your wishes to keep your distance. 

He’s never rude, treating you the same way he would treat any of the other tech people who he maybe didn’t know quite as well. And while the distance stings, you know it’s for the best. If the others had noticed the sudden change in your relationship, thankfully none of them had said anything to you – and hopefully not to Jake either. It really was as if none of it had ever happened and you definitely weren’t counting down the days until Lindsey’s supposed arrival.

You’d just spent the last 30 minutes doing Sam’s makeup – time which he’d spent cracking jokes and talking 90 to nothing the entire time. You’d  just nodded along, smiling and adding commentary when you felt it was necessary. But really, you just enjoyed listening to him talk. He made you laugh – just like all the boys do, and talking with Sam had been a welcome distraction and way to fill your time since Josh’s partner had arrived… time that you once would have spent with Jake. 

You bustle about in the makeup room, tidying things up and putting them in their places. You tuck each of the boys’ foundations in their designated bags, along with whatever eyeshadow palettes or rhinestones they prefer. Your brushes have been washed and now lay out to dry on a towel on the counter top. There’s nothing much left to do except pack away Josh’s ridiculous amount of hairstyling products and then you’ll be free to spend the rest of your time however you please. 

The door opens but you don’t look up from your task of shoving hairspray bottles into your bag, fully expecting it to only be Josh or Danny coming back in for a last minute touch up. It’s only about an hour before they go on. 

“Hey.” 

You startle, whipping around at the sound of his voice. Jake stands in the doorway, waiting just on the threshold as if not daring to enter fully until you invite him to do so. 

“Hi.” Your voice comes out surprisingly steady despite the way your heart is racing. This is the first time that you’ve been alone with him. “Something I can do for you?”

Jake nods, taking a single, hesitant step into the room and then stopping again. 

“Just something small.” His eyes find yours in the mirror as you turn your back to him, trying to get your bearings a little bit. “Wanted to change my look up a little.”

You turn back around to face him and beckon him over to sit in your chair. Jake never does makeup – even before all this. Jake takes a seat and looks up at you, not saying a word.

“I’m guessing you don’t want rhinestones.” You say with a smile and Jake’s shoulders relax just a little.  

“No. No rhinestones.” He affirms, clasping his hands in his lap. His words are soft yet deafening in the quiet of the room. Your heart races so fast you swear he must be able to hear it. “Maybe just some eyeliner? I’ve done it myself a few times but… I’m not as good at it as you are.” 

You tilt your head and smile down at him. 

“I should hope that I’m at least kinda good at it.” You grab an eyeliner pencil from Danny’s bag. “It is my job after all.”

Jake huffs a laugh but the sound quickly dies out as soon as you lower yourself to get closer to him. You haven’t seen him this close since… since that night in the bathroom. His eyes are like pools of hot cocoa as he watches you intently. Dark lashes, delicate, pink lips. His skin is smooth except for a light dusting of hair on his upper lip – only noticeable this close. 

“Can you..?” You look down at his crossed legs and then back up at him. 

“Oh. Yeah.” He spreads his legs so that you can step closer. “Sorry.”

You step between his thighs and lower yourself down. Keeping his head steady by holding his jaw with your free hand, you gently swipe the black eyeliner over his lash line. You tilt his head up and choose to ignore the way his eyes stay trained on you the whole time. 

“Look up for me?” You ask softly and he obeys. You gently tug his eyelid down and swipe the black over his waterline as well before moving to do the same on the other side. You use the little brush on the other end of the pencil to blend the color out a little.

“Finished?” He asks as you step away, his eyes blinking rapidly for a moment as his eyes water a little. 

You look at him for just a moment, trying to treat him just like any other client and not like the guy you’re hopelessly in love with who’s dating someone else.  

“Almost.” You turn around and begin digging through Danny’s bag again, making a mental note that maybe you need to make one for Jake in case he decides that he likes the way he looks with this. You grab a tube of mascara and step back towards him. “Just a little bit of mascara.”

You swipe the mascara over his long lashes, making sure that they don’t clump and then you step back and admire the look. His eyes – deep set and thoughtful, look incredible in the eyeliner. It makes his features stand out just a little bit more and you know it will look great under the stage lights later tonight. 

“Now I’m finished.” 

Jake stands and takes a step towards the mirrors on the vanity. He tilts his head to the side as he admires himself in the reflection. 

“I like it.” He says after a long moment, turning back to look at you. “Much better than when I do it.” He smiles a little. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

That tension that was present in the airport a few days ago is suddenly back with full force and you wish that the floor would open up and swallow you whole. Jake clearly feels it too and he reaches a hand up and runs his fingers through his hair. He drops his hand, the once brushed through strands now a little messy. 

“Here, wait.” You don’t know why you do it – it’s like your body just gravitates towards his without you even thinking about it, but you take a step towards him. Placing a hand on his chest, you push him back towards the chair until he sits back down. “Let me fix your hair a little.”

Jake watches in silence as you grab a comb and some styling mousse. You brush through his hair, admiring how some of it reflects auburn in the light. You set it back to its natural part with the comb and then spread some of the mousse on your palms. You rake your hands through his hair, depositing the product and then twirling the ends around your fingers a little, helping the natural waves to form better. They go easily – as if rebelling against the way he must have straightened it earlier. 

“You’ve got wavy hair.” The words slip out without you meaning them to and even you can hear the slight awe in your voice – as if him having wavy hair is some novel, incredible thing. Heat rushes to your cheeks but Jake doesn't acknowledge it. 

“I think it could be curly if I really wanted it to be.” He answers softly. “Not like Josh’s but… it’s really wavy when I let it air dry on its own.” 

“I-I like it.” You answer him, voice equally quiet. “It suits you.”

“Thank you.” 

You realize suddenly just how close you’ve gotten to him. You straighten and step back and Jake pulls back as well – he’d been leaning in close to you. 

“Guess you should probably head out there.” 

Jake nods and rises, hearing the dismissal in your tone and the shift in your body language. 

“Right. Yeah. I uh. I should go.” Jake slides his palms over his thighs, eyes darting towards the door and then back to you. He hesitates, as if about to say something but then thinking better of it. “Thanks again.”

“You're welcome.”

You watch him go, chest aching. There’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach – the feeling that you’ve just made a mistake. You don’t know if it was allowing yourself to relax around him again or letting him walk away. 

You shake your head and continue tidying up. 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 20, 2023 - El Paso, TX

Lindsey’s arrival in Raleigh hadn’t been as humiliating as you’d been expecting it to be. In fact, since she spends all her time with Jake – who you’d already been basically avoiding at all costs, you hardly see her at all. 

She’d only acknowledged your presence once that first day when she arrived. Just a nod and a terse smile, completely lacking the warmth and kindness from that first time you met and talked. You can’t blame her. She’d listened to you cry and hugged and comforted you – you, a virtual stranger, only to later find out that you’d been talking about her own boyfriend… it’s not exactly the best first impression you’ve ever made.

The El Paso show had gone on without a hitch – just as they usually do, and the boys had invited you and the rest of the tech and crew out for a meal, all expenses paid for. Ristorante Casanova was the place of choice; a little fancy for your tastes but the reviews had been great when you looked it up.

It had been Danny that had planned this – he’d reserved a section of the restaurant that was large enough for everyone to attend. He, Sam, and Josh (surprisingly on time) had been the ones to greet you. There were several other members of the crew already there as well and so you’d sat down at a table in the far corner where their stage manager – who you know pretty well, and some of the body guards had claimed. 

Carter is the first to greet you - a sweet, older man who's in charge of security. He smiles widely at you as you take a seat next to him.

“Sunflower! Glad you joined us.” 

Carter instantly brings you into the conversation, not allowing you to feel left out for one second. Everyone at your table is kind and fun to be around and they’re a welcome distraction. You hardly even notice when Jake and Lindsey arrive together arm and arm (and you don’t even notice the way Jake’s eyes keep straying to you from his table every chance he gets). Food and drink flows and conversation flows even better and everyone seems to be in good spirits. After you’ve eaten enough to feel like you need a nap, Josh stands and hits his spoon against his glass to get everyone’s attention. 

“Hear ye, hear ye!” He says theatrically, eyes sparkling and cheeks rosy from alcohol as he looks around the room at everyone. His eyes linger on you and he winks, making you roll your eyes playfully. “I just wanted to give you all a thank you for making this shit show go so smoothly. At least, as smooth as it possibly could be with all the craziness.”

There are a few murmurs of agreement and light laughter from everyone at that. 

“There have been far too many cancellations and reschedules,” Josh continues, his tongue clearly loosened even more than usual thanks to the wine that he’d been drinking, “and I just want you all to know how much we,” he gestures towards himself, Sam, Daniel, and Jake, “appreciate all the work that you guys have done! This Dreams and Gold circus wouldn’t be possible without each and every one of you.” 

All of the crew smiles at that and you can’t help the warmth that swells in your chest for this band. Despite everything that’s happened, this has been one of the most wonderful experiences of your life. Not only is the crew full of incredible people, but the band is, too – most rock stars of their stature would never take the time or money to take their crew out for a dinner like this, let alone with a speech of gratitude on top of it all. 

“So please, keep enjoying the food and the alcohol and be merry! You’ve all earned it.”

Josh finishes his speech and sits down, and everyone claps and whoops. One of the tech guys calls out a ‘We love you guys!’ to which everyone else shouts their agreement. The boys, all looking bashful but happy, call their love back out to them. Chatter starts up again, and you take the opportunity to slip away to the ladies' room. 

// 

After relieving yourself and washing your hands, you step back out into the little hallway outside the bathroom, smoothing your palms over your dress a little bit. You feel good. You’ve laughed more tonight than you have in days and everyone else is in a good mood, too. 

You stop in your tracks when you look up to see Jake blocking you from the rest of the hallway. 

“Jake.” You begin, thankful that for once, anxiety doesn’t shoot through you at the mere sight of him. You’re in far too good of a mood for that to happen now. “You okay?” 

He’s got an odd look on his face as he stands there blocking your path but still your good mood lingers, 

“I uh,” he clears his throat, “I don’t really know. I think I’m drunk.”

“Ah.” You walk a few paces forwards so that you can see him better in the dim light of the hallway. His cheeks are indeed flushed like they get when he’s had a little too much. “The men’s is right there.” You jerk your head towards the door for the men’s restroom and then start to push past him but he stops you, a hand darting out to grip your bicep. He doesn’t grab hard – light enough that you could easily pull away if you wanted to. 

But you stay. Of course you stay. 

“Wait.” His words are a little slurred and you wince a little. He’s clearly in a heightened emotional state right now and your mind races with ways to diffuse the situation. 

“I think I made a mistake.” He continues on. “With you. We- we were good friends?” He phrases it as if it’s a question but you know the answer already and you know he does too. You two were great friends.

“We don’t have to go through this again.” You answer him, anger beginning to rise. Of course you couldn’t have just one night where you felt normal. And fuck him for making you feel like this. “You’ve already told me that that night was a mistake.Trust me, I’m well aware, Jake.”

It’s like being on an emotional roller coaster. The initial hope, then the crushing disappointment of unrequited feelings. Now it feels like everytime you start to get over things he appears to draw you back in. First in your makeup chair and now this… You’re entirely certain that if he would just leave you alone, if he would stop sending these cruel mixed signals, you know that this would be easier. You know you could finally move on from this. 

Good mood completely soured with anger, you try to push past him again but this time he steps forward and backs you up into the wall, his hands grabbing your shoulders. 

“No! That’s- that’s not what I meant, Sunflower.” 

“Then what exactly do you mean, Jake?” He’s close enough now that you can smell the tequila on his breath. “Because I know how you feel about me. And I swear to god it’s starting to feel like you enjoy having me pining after you. Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Jake’s head falls, his hair falling down to frame his face. 

“I don’t know. I tried too. But you keep pulling me back.” He frowns down at you before adding quietly, “I’m sorry.” 

You can’t bring yourself to say ‘it’s okay.’ All you can do is stare at him, feeling suddenly as if every sense has been overtaken by him. The heat of his body, the smell of him, the way his hands are on your shoulders to keep you pressed against the wall… 

His eyes drop and for a split second you swear his gaze lingers on your lips before flicking back upwards. Your heart races, chest burning as you basically hold your breath. 

“Sunflower, I-”

“What. The. Fuck?”

Jake rears back and away from you as if he’d been burned at the sound of Lindsey’s voice.

Panic washes over you as you take in Lindsey’s face – there’s anger, of course. But mostly hurt. Fuck, you know that you and Jake both look guilty even though you technically haven’t done anything. 

“Lindsey!” You begin, stepping away from the wall, “God, it’s not what it looks like. I swear. I’m so sorr-”

“Save it.” She interrupts you, turning her icy gaze towards Jake who’s backed himself up into the opposite wall and is looking at her with wide eyes. “You’re not the one I’m pissed at.”

Jake looks on the verge of either crying or passing out and you feel a bit like you might do either one of those as well. You don’t know what to do as the three of you stand there in a stalemate. 

The air feels oppressive and you wrack your brains for something, anything, to say that might make this better. You can’t think of a single, god damned thing. 

“You guys okay?” It’s Carter’s voice that breaks the silence as he enters the hallway, his eyebrows raising at the sight that greets him. “Ya’ll have been gone for a while.” Carter’s dart between the three of you before settling on you. “Y/n?”

“We- it’s fine. We’re fine, Carter.” It’s a big fat lie but you don’t really know what else to say. “I was just about to head home, actually.” 

You know it’s a cowardly thing to do – to just run away and not deal with whatever blow out is about to happen. But you can’t think of anything better to do. 

“Oookay.” Carter doesn’t look convinced that everything is fine but he seems to sense that this isn’t something to stick his nose in. “I’ll walk you out.” 

It’s not a question. All you can do is nod and numbly follow Carter out of the hallway. Jake follows you with pleading eyes but Lindsey doesn’t look at you until you’re all the way past her. Finally, she watches you go, giving you a curt nod with her lips pressed together. You would almost feel better if she was pissed and screaming at you instead. 

//

You cross your arms over your chest tightly as Carter waits on the curb outside with you for your Uber to arrive. You haven’t said anything to him but you can tell he’s itching to ask what the hell he just walked in on. 

“I’m guessin’ it’s complicated and I don’t wanna know?” He finally asks and you nod. 

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Are you okay?” You hate the genuine concern in his voice. You don’t really feel like you deserve it. 

“I will be.”

Carter kicks a rock and it goes skittering across the sidewalk. 

“I’m not trying to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong but… whatever he did to hurt you,” he sighs a little, “I know you didn’t deserve it.”

Despite the millions of awful thoughts that are running through your mind, you smile just a little. 

“Thank you.”

“And he’s a fool for not seeing what’s right in front of ‘im.”

To that, you have no idea what to say. So you don’t. The two of you wait in silence for your Uber, Carter’s body heat a comforting presence next to you. 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 26, 2023 - Reno, NV – Jake’s POV 

The night at the restaurant has been haunting just about every waking moment since. And when you sleep, Y/n’s look of hurt and Lindsey’s face filled with disappointment and anger swirl around within your dreams and send you waking in a cold sweat. 

You know this is all your fault. Y/n knows it. And fuck, now Lindsey knows it too. 

She’d been so damned understanding that night when she’s asked about your relationship with Y/n. She’d nodded along as you told her about the drunken hook up in a bathroom. When you’d asked her if it upset her, she’d merely shrugged and said that she “can’t change the past.” 

You’d told her you loved her that night and it had eased whatever worries she had… Now, you’re pretty sure that out of everything, that was the cruelest thing you ever did to her. 

It had been like walking on eggshells since Ristorante Casanova. You’d explained to Lindsey over and over that nothing had actually happened that night and that you hadn’t been planning on anything happening… that you had just wanted to talk to Y/n. Begrudgingly, she’d accepted your words as truth and your countless apologies but deep down you both know that your relationship isn’t going to ever return to what it was. She’d stopped saying ‘I love you’ back. 

You’d declined going out when Josh had asked the night before, claiming to be too tired after the show. It wasn’t a total lie. You were tired, but the show had nothing to do with it and everything to do with having Y/n’s body so close to yours again and the wounded looks Lindsey sends your way when she thinks you’re not looking. Lindsey hadn’t complained when you told her you wanted to stay in – in fact, she’d looked relieved. You’d both gone to bed without saying a word, the silence far more damning than anything else.

She’d been in the bathroom for almost an hour now. The water had been turned off a while ago but she’d yet to emerge. You sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for her – feeling a bit like a guilty man waiting at the gallows. 

At last, after what feels like an eternity, the door to the bathroom opens and she emerges, washed and makeup freshly done. Your heart aches at how beautiful she looks – and at the fact that it doesn’t affect you the way it used to. 

“I’ve got a flight back home today.” She offers, eyes looking anywhere but you as she crosses the room to where her suitcase lays. It’s almost completely packed save for the bag of toiletries she carries with her from the bathroom. 

“I thought you were going to try to get more time off work so you could be at the last show?” You can’t help the hurt that bleeds into your tone even though you know you have no right to be feeling that way. 

Lindsey levels you with a hard look. It’s not anger. Just resignation… somehow, that’s even worse. 

“I think we both know why I’m not staying, Jake.” 

You shake your head even though you know she’s right. But things had once been perfect between the two of you and there’s this voice in the back of your head that’s telling you it can’t end like this; that things could go back to the way they were. You really thought you could love her. She’s everything you’ve ever looked for… at least, she used to be. 

“I loved you.” You say wretchedly, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. It’s a shitty thing to say as a last-ditch effort to try and fix something that shouldn’t be fixed.

“I loved you too” She tosses her toiletries bag into her suitcase and zips it up.

Her eyes close as she pauses for a brief moment and your hands itch to reach out and touch her – to comfort her. But you can’t. You lost that privilege. 

“I did love you, Lindsey. I swear it. I just-” You cut yourself off, unable to put into words what changed. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Jake.” She rounds the edge of the bed and comes to stand in front of you. You sit with your elbows on your knees, head down in defeat. Delicately, she reaches out and hooks her finger beneath your chin, forcing you to look at her – to see the hurt written all over her face. “I think we both deserve better than this. I deserve better than second place.”

“Yes. You do, Lindsey. I’m- I’m sorry.”

She steps away from you and goes back to her suitcase. She grabs her phone from the nightstand and walks towards the door of the hotel room. She looks back only once and your eyes meet. 

“Don’t fuck it up with her, okay?” She tells you, eyes sparkling with just a little bit of warmth. She really did deserve better than this. Than you. 

“I think I already did.”

“Then fix it.”

You're heart feels like it breaks into a million pieces as you watch her go – breaking with the guilt of realizing that you're not even upset.

But deep down, you know why you don't feel more.

It had taken you losing her completely for you to realize that Y/n was the one who holds your heart; Y/n's smile that can light up your world in a way that no one else's can.

You hadn't quite known it yet... that night at the bar. You didn't know how deep your feelings for her ran until you got to feel her wrapped around you, crying out your name and looking at you like you hung the stars. But of course you'd panicked – convinced yourself that she couldn't possibly feel the same. And then you'd let your insecurity speak for you and had hurt both you and her all the more as a result. And then hurt Lindsey too by going out with her. In your defense — if you could even call it that... You had convinced yourself that Y/n didn't feel the same and you were so sure that you could move on from her.

But then you'd learned the truth of Y/n's feelings – from Lindsey of all people, and your world had crumbled around you.

But you refuse to let it stay this way. Y/n... your sunflower... you won't let her go again.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*

March 26, 2023 - Reno, NV – Y/n’s POV  

So far, Reno has been your least favorite place you’ve been to for this job. The air outside is dry as the Sahara desert and you’re pretty sure that no amount of chapstick could help how dry your lips feel right now. Reno feels as if it’s merely trying to be Las Vegas – just without all the neon lights, restaurants, and fun activities that makes the smell of cigarette smoke and foot traffic worth it. 

Usually after a show, everyone likes to go out for dinner or drinks somewhere or you like to go exploring a new city. Neither is an option tonight as it seems that everyone is in agreement that Reno isn’t the type of place that they want to have to spend extra time in. And besides, it’s an early flight tomorrow and you have no desire to be up later than you have to tonight. 

At least there’s good water pressure, you think to yourself as you emerge from the bathroom, a threadbare bathrobe that the hotel had provided wrapped tightly around your waist. You shove your toiletries into your suitcase – ready for the early departure in the morning, and then collapse heavily onto the bed. Just one more show left.

You’d been feeling much better this past day, feeling less like your emotions were running all over the place and a little bit more centered with yourself. Apparently, being completely and utterly fed up about something does wonders for taking steps towards letting it go. 

A gentle knock on the door draws you from your thoughts, along with confusion about who on earth would be knocking at your hotel door – you look at the clock on the nightstand, at 11pm the night before a 7am flight. 

You look through the peephole and your stomach drops at the sight of Jake standing outside your door, his hands in his pockets. You undo the lock and open the door just enough so that you can see him fully. He looks freshly showered, his hair still slightly damp at the ends  and curling a little bit – just like he said it did that day in your makeup chair. 

“Jake?” You ask hesitantly, still not opening the door fully. “What are you doing here?”

You can’t quite get a read on his face. He looks… surprisingly normal as he stands there outside your door. 

“I was wondering if we could talk.” He answers. 

“Now?” You can’t help the sharpness in your tone but Jake takes it in stride, merely ducking his head a little and giving you a crooked smile. 

“I mean… yeah? I just wanted to be able to catch you when we won’t get interrupted.”

A thousand reasons why you should say no race through your mind, the number one of which being that he has a girlfriend who he should probably be with instead. But logic and Jake rarely share the same space in your mind so you open the door wider and allow him to come inside. The smell of his cologne hits you as he brushes past you and you’re assaulted with the mental image of a freshly showered Jake in his bathroom taking the time to put it on before coming to see you. You clear your throat and lock the door behind you. 

Jake stands in the middle of the room, hands still in his pockets, and finally that neutral expression on his face has melted away to something else. Is he… nervous?

“Did you catch the show tonight?” He asks, eyes following your every move as you take a seat on the edge of your bed.

“I caught the tail end, yeah.”

“Did you like it?”

You sigh a little. 

“I always like them.” And it’s the truth. He’s good at what he does. “But I don’t think you came here to my room this late to talk about the show.”

Jake nods, shuffling his feet a little and then biting his lip. 

“I guess I came to apologize.”

A small, vindictive little part of you rejoices and you speak before your mind can catch up. 

“There are a lot of things for you to apologize for. Which one are you talking about tonight?”

Jake winces and looks suitably chastised as he stands there before you. It doesn’t make you feel better like you thought it would to see him so unsure of himself. 

“There are a lot of things.” He agrees quietly, “but it’s what I was trying to say that night at the restaurant.”

You can clearly remember his words from a few nights ago – I think I made a mistake. With you. You raise a brow, waiting for him to elaborate. You’re tired of playing the guessing game with him. 

“It was a mistake to tell you that it meant nothing.” He continues on, eyes trained on the ground. “It was a mistake to call it a mistake. And I’ve spent every night since regretting what I said. And I regret that I didn’t see what I had until it was too late.”

Your mind goes completely blank as he speaks, brain unable or unwilling to decipher what he’s saying. You’re terrified of misreading this. Again. 

“What- what are you saying, Jake?”

He smiles a little, more of a grimace than anything, but he finally meets your gaze with his own. 

“I’m saying that- that I want you. For more than just sex, Sunflower. I want you.” He bites his lip, brows tipping downwards in a frown. “If- if you still want me, that is.”

“But Lindsey-” You begin, but he’s quick to cut you off. 

“Me and Lindsey are over. She’s on a plane going home as we speak. She doesn’t-” he cuts himself off with a wince. “I don’t love her anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. We’re done, Y/n. We should have been done a long time ago.”

You both stand there in tense silence. You want to scream and cry and hit him for everything that he’s put you through. But you also want to laugh and kiss his stupid, beautiful face. Words have failed you. You’ve spent so long dreaming that he would one day say these things and how you would respond but now that it’s happening… you can’t think of one single thing to say to him.

“I think I just need some time to think.” You finally say to him. Jake doesn’t look surprised by it either. 

“That’s- that’s fair.” 

“Once we get to Sacramento, after the show… come and find me. I’ll have an answer by then.”

Jake nods and turns to leave, looking a bit like a kicked puppy but you don’t allow yourself to reach out to him. Not yet. He can wait – just like you had to do. 

“And Jake?” He turns back around quickly, looking as if he’s trying not to look hopeful. “Thank you for telling me.”

His shoulders drop just a little but he nods and smiles. 

“Of course.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 28, 2023 - Sacramento, CA

Jake’s words play on repeat in your mind practically 24/7 in the days following his… his apology? Declaration ? You’re not entirely sure what to call it but by the night of the final show you’re pretty sure you have each word memorized. 

Jake had given you space – time, just like you asked him for. And of course, your mind has tried to rationalize what he’d said a million different ways as you try to take them as anything other than what they came across as – a proclamation of wanting a relationship with you. 

But surely that couldn’t be what he meant, right? He’d called that God-forsaken night in the bar bathroom a mistake from the moment it was over and he’d since been made more than aware of your feelings towards him thanks to your conversation with Lindsey that night back in Nashville. 

I want you. For more than just sex. Those words have been haunting you, always in the back of your mind as you try to move about through your days like a normal person. There’s no way he meant anything other than wanting a relationship, right? What else could that possibly mean? He’d looked so unsure, so unlike himself as he’d stuttered out If you still want me, that is. 

The words are still on replay in your mind as you move about your hotel room, anxiously packing and repacking everything that you own as you wait for Jake to come and find you after the show like you told him to. If he comes and finds you. The show ended hours ago and you know that there’s a big celebration going on – one that you’d been invited to but had chosen to stay home from. But it’s nearing 1AM… surely he’d prioritize coming to talk to you, right?

As if your thoughts have summoned him, there’s a knock on your hotel room door. This time, you don’t have to look through the peephole to know that Jake is waiting on the other side. 

“Come on in.” You tell him, widening the door. 

“Sunflower.” He breathes, eyes raking up your form for a moment before he steps into the room. “You answered.” He says it like he’s surprised.

“You came.” Is all you have to say in response and Jake nods. 

You’d had this conversation with him at least a million times in your head by now and you’d had a solid idea of what you were going to say. But now, as you look at him with his sweet, chocolate eyes filled with hesitance and just a little bit of hope… it all flies out the window. 

“Of course I still want you.” 

Jake’s face softens in a way you’ve never seen it before and he smiles – small but genuine. 

“You mean it?” 

You nod. It feels a little anticlimactic as the words settle between the two of you and neither of you seem to know what to say. You tell him as much, earning yourself a small laugh. 

“I don’t really know what to say now, either. But I do know that- that I would very much like to kiss you.”

It feels like the air in your lungs completely disappears as he says that. Unable to answer, you step forward and kiss him first. It’s soft– timid even. So unlike that first time in the bar all those months ago. He’s kissing you like he’s taking his time, memorizing how you taste and feel like he might never get to experience you again. 

He walks you backwards until the backs of your thighs hit the bed and then his mouth trails down to your throat and butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

“Let me do it right.” He murmurs into your skin, his hands exploring every inch of you. “Like I should have done from the start.”

It feels like your veins are full of liquid fire as his lips trail down your throat and to your collarbone. 

“Do whatever you want, Jake.” Is all your brain can come up with to say. 

He takes your clothes off slowly, as if savoring each inch of skin bit by bit as it's revealed to him. When at last you’re completely bare and his clothes join yours on the floor, he settles his weight fully between your legs and his palms spread out across your thighs, kneading the flesh and working his way up your sides, feeling every bit of you as if he’s trying to commit it to memory. 

His fingers dig into the soft skin of your hips as you arch your back in a slow stretch. Jake’s eyes track every movement, every flicker and twitch of muscle beneath the skin as if truly seeing you for the very first time… as if he can’t believe it. His gaze lingers at last on your breasts, moving in tandem with your heavy breaths. 

Then his gaze slides lower. Lower. And when at last it lingers at the apex of your thighs, and his eyes glaze over with lust, you say to him, 

“Are you just going to sit there and stare?” 

Jake’s lips part at the challenge, his breathing going shallow. Jake is tense above you, so tense you fear the muscles might snap. But his hands are gentle as they drift to your inner thighs, rough fingertips ghosting along the sensitive skin there. 

With a stuttered breath he murmurs, “You are… so beautiful.”

You thread your fingers through his hair and use the grip to tug him upwards, instantly slotting your lips against his as soon as he’s in reach. You trace your tongue along the seam of his lips, fingers working to unbutton his pants. He groans into the kiss, tongue fighting desperately with yours. And, just to see what he’ll do, you palm him through his pants. 

Jake cries out, mouth falling open, lips still just barely touching yours as he groans. 

“You’re so hard.” You marvel, pressing down a bit more, feeling the heat and solidness of him beneath the fabric. 

“All for you.” He manages to say, hips rocking forward to meet the feeling of your palm against him. “If you keep doing that this is gonna be over before we start.” 

You exhale a laugh, removing your hand.

“You know what I regret the most?” He asks, moving his way back down your body. “From the last time?” 

With a grin you answer, “Other than telling me it was a mistake afterwards?” He frowns a little in response to that, dark eyes staring up at you with a look in them that tells you that maybe it's a little too soon to joke about it. “Sorry.” 

“No.” He shakes his head, hands splaying back out on your thighs and squeezing lightly. “I’m sorry.” His eyes drop back down to your dripping center. “And I regret not tasting this gorgeous pussy. Just so you know.” 

The words set you on fire, starting at your toes and running all the way up to the top of your head. His grip on your thighs tighten and then his tongue is on you – flicking relentlessly. Your body arches into him helplessly as your mouth falls open with a loud moan. He grins into your heat at the sound and a moan of his own escapes him. 

“Jesus.” You whine, your knees falling open even more. 

“No. Just me.” 

And God damn that voice. You didn't think it was possible for a voice to affect you like that but you're pretty sure that if it was possible you would want it to fuck you too. Deep and husky and smoother than whiskey. 

This time, the vigor with which he attacks your aching pussy with his mouth should be illegal. He makes a show of it – shaking his head from side to side and growling deep in his chest. All you can do is lay there and feel it – body writhing beneath him as the heat in your belly begins to rise and rise. 

You gasp as a rough fingertip prods your entrance, gathering your slick before slipping inside and curling deliciously, all the while he never lets up with his mouth. 

“Come on,” he urges, his breath hot on your aching core, “wanna taste you. Let me taste you, princess.” 

As if your body was merely waiting for his permission, the wave of white hot pleasure inside you hits its crest and you call out – a noise somewhere between animal and human that you might have been embarrassed about had you been more aware of yourself. And Jake just laps it up as your release spills into his mouth. 

Jake doesn’t pull away from you until your orgasm is completely finished and you start to shiver in overstimulation. His lips – plump and swollen, are shiny with your release. Grinning, he moves up your body and kisses you, tongue slipping past your lips and allowing you to taste yourself on him. It’s the most erotic thing you’ve ever experienced. Those eyes of his drink you in as he pulls away and you feel as though you could get lost in them. 

“What do you want?”

It takes your brain a moment to realize that he’s talking and a moment more to decipher what he’s just asked. But once it does, another wave of heat courses through your body and pools between your legs. 

“I want you inside me.”

Jake groans in answer, as if your words alone give him the utmost pleasure. 

“Whatever you want, princess.” 

“Do you have-?”

Jake grins and nods his head, rising up from the bed. He steps over to the pile of his discarded clothes (giving you an incredible view of his exquisite ass) as he bends down to reach into a pocket of his pants. 

“Would you think I’m an asshole if I said I came prepared?” He asks, turning around to face you again and raising a brow, the foil packet held aloft between his index and middle finger.  

Your heart warms at the sight – Jake, confident and relaxed around you as he once was.

“Nah.” He steps back towards the bed, stopping there without climbing back in. “Just appreciative.” You tell him, but still he makes no move to get back in the bed, his eyes scanning over your naked form in a way that feels more like he’s looking through you. You almost want to cover yourself beneath his intense gaze. “What are you doing?” 

“Just admiring the view.” He gives you a wolfish smirk and then climbs back into the bed, sitting himself on his knees between your thighs. 

As he rips open the foil with his teeth, you take a moment to admire his cock – hard and red and just as beautiful as the rest of him, where it stands proudly against his stomach. He rolls the latex onto himself, biting his lip and groaning a little bit as he pumps himself a few times. 

“You’re beautiful too, you know.” You murmur, glancing up at him. A pretty blush spreads across his face and down his chest and it makes you giggle. Even the tips of his ears turn pink. Jake Kiszka – rock god who plays on stage in front of thousands, is shy. “There’s no way that made you blush.”

Jake laughs and murmurs a playful “Hush” and then he’s sliding into you, silencing whatever retort you might have had. He plants his hands on either side of your body, face contorting in agonized pleasure.

The stretch of him is overwhelming and you grip his forearms, arching up into him. 

“Hold on a sec.” You whisper and he does so without question, peeking down at you to make sure you’re okay. “Been a while.” You tell him with a blush of your own. 

“That’s okay.” He answers, kissing you once – brief but sweet. “Just tell me when, princess.” 

After a moment, you loosen your grip on his forearms and nod. He pushes into you fully, making both of you moan. He rocks his hips, still being gentle. His shoulders shake with the effort of holding himself back and that alone makes another rush of wetness rush down to your pussy. 

“You feel like Heaven wrapped around me.” His words are rough, muffled by his clenched teeth. 

“You can go harder, baby.”

Jake moans at that, upping his pace a little. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of and more to be with him like this – to have him panting and whining above you with each thrust of his hips. 

He grips your hips in his rough hands, pulling you upwards. 

“Legs around me, princess.” The words sound more like a plea and you’re quick to obey, your legs clamping down around his hips as he starts to move again. 

“Oh, fuck!” At this angle, the velvety head of his cock brushes the spot inside of you that drives you wild and sends your muscles taut as a drum. 

His pace is slow but his thrusts are powerful, driving into you in a way that makes you see stars.

“Shit.” His head drops down, his skin glistening with sweat in the warm light of the lamp. “I’m not gonna last like this, Sunflower.” 

“I’m not either, Jake.” You manage to answer, your own words sounding far away. 

“Been a while?” He jokes, referencing back to your words earlier. 

 “Partly.” You clench around him mercilessly, drawing a loud groan from him that makes you giggle at the power you have over him. “Mostly because it’s you.”

Jake’s body shudders and his cock throbs inside of you. He’s dangerously close but he’s desperate to get you there first. Your eyes roll back into your head when his thumb finds your swollen clit, rubbing in harsh circles in time to each thrust. Unable to hold on any longer, your orgasm crashes into you, stealing the breath from your lungs and sending your muscles twitching and contorting as he keeps fucking you through it. Not a moment later Jake cums with a rough cry, burying his face in your neck as you both ride out your pleasure together. 

“Please stay.” You ask him and he nods against you. 

“As long as you want me to.”

// 

The sun shining through the blinds is what wakes you up. You reach out beside you, expecting to feel the warmth of Jake’s body heat next to you but you’re met with an empty bed. Did he leave? Brows furrowing, you sit up and look around and your worries are instantly silenced at the sight of Jake – in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom and running your comb through his hair. You rise from the bed and Jake looks over at you and smiles.

His skin is still flushed from the hot water of the shower and you have to fight to stop staring at the way his biceps flex as he brushes his hair and at the bead of water that trails down the middle of his stomach and disappears into the towel.

“Morning.” His morning voice is like whiskey and you blush just a little.

“Good morning.” As you reach the bathroom your eyes are drawn to a bottle of styling mousse that Jake must have gotten from your suitcase. He sees you looking at it and smiles shyly. 

“I was going to ask you to help me style it.” He tells you with a tiny smile and your heart melts. 

“Of course.” You step over to the counter and grab the bottle and just like you did last time, you spread the mousse onto your palms and then run it through his damp hair and then twirl it in sections. As you work – maybe taking a little bit more time than is really necessary, Jake starts to hum a tune under his breath. You’ve heard him whistle or hum it before. “What’s that song?” 

“Not sure yet.” Jake shakes his head a little, careful to not mess up his hair as you work on it. “I’ve had the tune in my head for a while. Just haven’t been able to think up any lyrics that fit.”

When you’re finished, his hair falls in loose waves that frame his face. Jake leans down and places a sweet kiss on your lips. 

“I could get used to this.” He murmurs, the words spoken against your lips as if he's unwilling to draw away for even a second.

“Me doing your hair?” 

He shakes his head.

“Waking up with you.” You blush at his words, feeling like you might melt on the spot. “Is- is there any way you could still keep your job with us?” He asks hesitantly and shit you’d forgotten all about the fact that you’d put in your notice. 

“I’m sure I could call and get things straightened out. There’s a chance they haven’t found anyone else yet.” You pray that you can stay. You'll beg on your hands and knees if you have to.

“Good.” Jake squeezes your arm once and then exits the bathroom, walking over to where his clothes from the night before still lay on the floor. 

You watch him go, your heart feeling suddenly so full that it might burst. You and him still have many things to talk about – conversations that have to happen at some point. But right now? Nothing has ever felt easier than going about your morning routine with him. Jake turns to look over his shoulder at you, tilting his head. 

“What?”

You just shake your head and laugh a little at yourself. 

“Nothing. It’s just-” it sounds stupid to say out loud but you say it anyway. “Just feel like I’ve waited my whole life for this.”

His smile is like looking at the sun – bright and radiant. He abandons his clothes once again to come stand in front of you. He reaches out, his hands finding yours and interlocking your fingers together. 

“You’re everything I’ve been looking for, Sunflower,” he tells you softly, “and I think I just got the perfect idea for some lyrics.” 

//

Fin

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

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Tags: @jakeyt @demolitionndann @brujamagik @mybussyinchrist @writingcold @sinsofstardust @jjwasneverhere @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @wildbluesorbit @twistedmelodies @neverwanttofallasleep @sunandthemoontwinflames @clairesjointshurt @mindastreamofcolours @hellowgoodbye @gretasfallingsky @weightofkiszka @gvfmelbourne @smoking-jakelane @joshskittytickler @itsafullmoon @mackalah @sinarainbows @dannys-dream @lipstickitty @thewritingbeforesunrise @isabelgvf @sparrowofrhiannon @jakesguitarsolo @peaceloveunitygvf @kashmirclam @stardust-chordsss @gold-mines-melting @kenobicoffee @spark-my-nature @love-isnt-greed @jakeygvf21 @jaketlove @starcatcherjake @blacksoul-27 @i-love-gvf @vera-vestia @gvfpal @myleftsock @thetroublegetssoloud71 @anthemheatwave @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigs @dannywagnerschoppedhair @its-interesting-van-kleep

[reminiscingtonight]

Just A Sucker

Leah Williamson x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: 100% started off as a crackfic but then it turned into something fluffy. Loosely based on F**kboy by Fletcher.

[WOSO Masterlist]

The slap really jolts you into the present. 

Rubbing at your cheek, you don’t even have a chance to protest before there’s a finger digging at your sternum. 

“You ruined my life.” The words are gritted out from a blonde you’re all too familiar with. 

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Kris, you’re literally in love with Sam.”

Kristie rolls her eyes, brushing away your comment. “That’s beyond the point.”

“You’re the one who ended things!” you huff, not really sure why the blonde is so annoyed. It had been all fun and games between the two of you, but next thing you knew, she was sucking face with the Australian all over instagram. Granted the two of you never put a label on things, but you still felt the sting of rejection. 

Before she has the chance to say anything, there’s a hand on your shoulder, spinning you around. 

You come face to face with Sonnett.

The groan is automatic. “Oh come on. Not you too.”

Sonnett merely glares at you. “What, you thought Lindsey wouldn’t tell me?”

Your mouth drops. You pretty clearly remember the muttered ‘Sonny can not know about this’ the blonde gritted out minutes before she left your apartment all those years ago. “We were drunk! And mind you, you had just left Portland.”

“And you didn’t even wait two seconds before fucking my best friend!”

“Oh shut it. It’s not like our bed was even cold before she jumped into yours.”

You have to brace yourself at the familiar voice. You plaster on your best fake smile before turning around. “Abby. Hey.”

“Don’t you ‘Abby, hey,’ me,” the defender berates, fixing you with an unamused look. 

“Jesus, what is this? I feel like all of my exes are here,” you complain, nervously pulling at your collar. Maybe Kelley was right when she warned you not to mix pleasure with business. You really should have listened to your sister more.

“Exes is such a loose term, don’t you think?” Abby rolls her eyes. You have to fight your urge to snort. She’s not exactly wrong. You don’t think you could really count any of these… prolonged sexual encounters you’ve had with any of them as a proper relationship. At least not the wine-and-dine type of relationship Kelley’s always been raging about. 

Someone clearing their throat has your eyes shooting to the side. You’re instantly shaking your head. “Nope,” you put your hands up. “We have never slept together. That much I know.”

Rose glares at you. “Shut it. I know what goes on in that mind of yours.”

Sonny cuts in again, yanking you back towards her. “Is there anyone you haven’t fucked?”

“Rose! I’ve literally never had sex with her!”

Your words fall upon deaf ears. 

“You’re the worst person ever.”

“You suck.”

“You’re horrible.”

“You messed me up bad.”

“You literally only ever called me when it was late. Or you were drunk. Or both.”

Bombarded with all of the noise, there isn’t really anything else you can say except for a short, bewildered, “Damn.”

You scratch at the back of your head when everyone’s glares increase tenfold.

“Really? That’s all you have to say for yourself?” 

“I… what more do you want me to say?”

Last you checked, you were on good terms with everyone. You had apologized to everyone you hurt, and it took a little bit of time, but they all eventually forgave you for all of the dumb choices you made in your early twenties. 

Looks like you were wrong. 

“Look. We can talk this out.”

It’s the look you receive that tells you ‘talking your way out of this’ will definitely not fly.

You gulp.

---

You’re sweating when you wake up. 

It takes you a second to remember where you are. The ceiling you’ve spent the last three years familiarizing yourself with stares right back at you. There’s a warm body right next to you, and you don’t even have to turn to know who it is. 

You do it anyways.

Leah’s already looking your way when you roll over. 

“Hi.” You try to ignore the way your voice sounds hoarse.

She accepts your kiss with a sigh. When her eyes flutter open again seconds later, you don’t miss the little twinkle that wasn’t there before. “You were saying a lot of names in your sleep. I totally wasn’t jealous or anything.”

“Right. Not jealous,” you echo, chuckling at the way Leah wrinkles up her nose at your tease. “Had a nightmare.”

Leah pauses. “About your national teammates?”

“Uh… my exes, actually.”

You can see her practically counting all of the names you had muttered in your sleep. Shuddering, you really hope you hadn’t said everyone’s names. The amount of teasing that’s sure to come your way…

“You were a little fuckboy, weren’t you?” 

If the two of you had this conversation a couple years ago, those words would have been spit out in a fit of anger. The conversation wouldn’t be very productive, with you vehemently defending yourself and Leah asking for more commitment. Now though? Well now you’re blushing in embarrassment and Leah’s trying her hardest not to laugh right into your face.

You grimace. “That’s a bit crude, don’t you think?”

Leah raises an eyebrow. “Am I wrong?”

Your first few years after bursting onto the soccer scene was marred with countless reckless decisions, that much you will admit. Struggling to break out of your sister’s shadows, you did more than a couple things you weren’t proud of. One of them being sleeping with more than half of your friends and teammates.

It really wasn’t until you accepted the contract overseas that you decided to fix up your image. You were great at soccer, you really were, but it was hard for people to take you seriously when all you were known for was jumping from bed to bed.

“I’m a kept woman,” you murmur, tightening your hand against the edge of Leah’s shirt. “You really wrangled me down.”

“I really did, didn’t I?” she hums, rolling over so you could fit into her arms much more easily. It’s hard to miss the self-satisfied smile on her face.

You were smitten from the start. You knew within the first five minutes of meeting Leah that she was someone you wanted.

Despite your best efforts to charm her, your reputation still hung around like a lost dog. Leah mistook your flirting for something less than it actually was, quick to play it off as a joke. When you eventually found yourselves in bed together, you woke the next morning determined to ask Leah out on a date.

Only for the blonde to stop you before you could even get started.

“Thanks for helping me scratch an itch.”

Hiding the sting of rejection with a smirk, you tried to laugh it off.

Leah was the one who suggested it first. Friends with benefits. No strings attached. 

You halfheartedly agreed, resolved to take whatever you could get. And she gave you a lot. 

At least she did until she started running. 

Phone calls started getting ignored. Texts left on read. Every time you approached Leah she would brush you off. 

Not used to chasing someone, you were understandably taken off guard. 

Kelley was unsurprisingly not helpful when you explained your problem to her. 

“No, Kel. You can not break her kneecaps.” 

You were quick to match her unamused look with one of your own.

It took Leah nearly breaking your ribs in an international friendly for the two of you to finally get your shit together. 

“I thought you didn’t do relationships.” She explained softly, eyes nervously dropping to the ground.

“I don’t,” you quietly admitted. “But I want to. With you.”

Three years later, you haven’t so much as looked at another woman the same way you’re often caught staring at Leah. The matching rings are a fairly new thing, but it’s hard for you to find a reason to try and remember a life before you even got them. And why would you? With Leah by your side, it’s easy to let go of your past.

[goldennightengale]

Hello there! Here's my request for the day, could I have the Dorm Leaders hearing their female musician s/o sing a love song dedicated to them at VDC? As an added bonus, everyone (including their families) saw her performance and really liked it.

AAA I loved writing this so much!! I always have songs I assign to the boys going through my head all the time so this was so much fun writing! I hope you enjoy it~ -GN

Warnings: N/A

Fem! MC

A Song for Your Love

Riddle Rosehearts (Sombody to Hold My Heart - Lindsey Sterling)

When I tell you this man was flustered when you pointed him out in the crowd. Not only was your song full of love and energy, but all of your attention was on him, laser-focused on his face in the roaring crowd as you danced and sang across the stage like a professional. He’s the type to try and show his affection through actions instead of words, so expect a lot of flowers, gifts, and lots of hand-holding!

What made it even worse was he knew this was being broadcasted. Though he felt horrified by the thought of his mother watching you perform, specifically with him in mind, he was quickly reassured that she was more than amused by your eccentric proclaims of affection. She appreciates a confident woman speaking her mind, especially towards her son.

Leona Kingscholar (Lazy Love - Chloe X Halle)

Smug Bastard x100 He’s making that concert seat look like a throne with how confident he looks, knowing full well that you are talking about him. Nobody else in the thousands seated near him. (Don’t mention how he might have a slight ego about being the second prince, he can’t give you the throne you deserve but he can give himself to you instead. Knowing you return the gesture makes him unreasonably happy)

Forgot it was being broadcasted until he got a facetime call from his brother congratulating him on having a mate of his very own, especially one so talented! Cheka starts begging him to bring you back to the palace and Leona hangs up before he can get the waterworks going. 

Azul Ashengrotto (Cariño - The Marías)

Stuck between stunned, smug, and highly embarrassed. He has this goofy smile as he watches you strut across the stage, occasionally ducking his face into his hands when you purr the lyrics into the mic and wink at him in the crowd.

His mama went NUTS when she caught her guppy getting serenaded on live broadcast and demanded that he bring you home. She wants to meet the gal who made her baby smile like that!

Kalim Al-Asim (What is Love? - Jonelle Monáe)

Your hype man. He’s jumping, dancing, screaming your name, and “I love you”s as you perform. Jamil tries to get him to calm down but how could he when you look like the brightest star in the desert sky? His Jewel has talent!

His father was laughing so loudly when he called, delighted with his son’s choice in love. Immediately offered to build you a personal stadium in return for you (marrying his son) performing for the entire Al-Asim family.

Vil Shoenheit (Only Girl (In the World) - Rihanna)

Smug x100 pt. 2, He is preening under the spotlight of your affections and, while he may be judging your routine (lovingly ofc), he genuinely likes how you make it clear to others that he chose you above everyone else. Though he does question if you have a death sentence announcing your relationship so boisterously.

His father loved your performance! Bold and confident, you really must have what it takes to make his son fall so hard for you. While he may not be at the front of the musical entertainment business, he’d be willing to get you some connections if you ever decide to pursue music in the field.

Idia Shroud (Icarus - Grant Knoche)

Hates the attention but melts under your loving stare, completely enraptured by your declaration of love and the thought that you did all this for him. Is 100% recording everything so he can rewatch it over and over again late at night and squeal like a fangirl in the privacy of his room.

His parents teased him relentlessly for finally getting a girlfriend, calling you his Pomegranate, and begging him to bring you home so they can meet you properly. Your references to a well-known myth are not lost on them, and the dedication to get close knowing the potential to get hurt is more than enough to get their trust. His hair is pink by the end of the call but you can tell he’s really happy they like you.

Malleus Draconia (Sunset - Caroline Polachek)

Smug x100 pt. 3, because not only did you invite him to this whole ordeal, but you were performing for him and admitting how much you felt about him in front of such a large crowd. Is not aware of your performance being broadcasted, but knowing that everyone will know who you chose as a mate is more than enough to get him all smug again.

Oh, his grandmother is more than pleased that her grandson found someone so wonderful to rule beside him.  The trust you put in him, the clear admittance that you see him as a safe place, it's all proof to the reigning Queen. She’s heard a lot about you from Lilia so it only makes sense for you to visit Briar Valley to make your engagement official, no?

I know this was very short but I hope I fulfilled your wish! -GN

[thequeenofsastiel]

I wish they had made Spike softer in season 5. I mean, I know that Angel brings out the worst in him, but he could have been softer when he wasn't interacting with Angel. I'm thinking about how he reacted to the first woman he rescued when he was being manipulated by Lindsey. His reaction to her gratitude was to harshly victim blame. He didn't have to be like that. If he really needed to chastise her, he could have done it gently.

The show essentially didn't change his personality whatsoever. Sure, he had a couple of moments of guilt and self reflection, like when he was talking to Angel about Dana(the Slayer who had been tortured into insanity in 5x11), and said that just because it wasn't her family he had murdered, that didn't make him not guilty of murdering other families. But other than that, there was very little. Sure, he was soft with Fred, but soulless Spike demonstrated with Dawn that he had it in him to be soft with women he cared for. The only difference was that he was more polite about asking her to help him become corporeal than I think soulless Spike would have been.

It frustrates me. Angel's entire personality changed when he got a soul. Literally everything about who he was became different. So why didn't we see that with Spike?

My best guess is that unlike other vampires, Spike retained elements of who he had been when he was human. That streak of gentleness I keep talking about. So perhaps soulless Spike, especially after he fell in love with Buffy, just wasn't that different from who his soul made him be. He simply stopped wanting to rape, torture, and murder. Or at least had a better grip on controlling those instincts that his vampire soul gave him.

Still, I wish the show had made him softer. I feel like Spike's gentleness should have been massively increased. A soul turned Angel from an extremely evil and cruel person into someone who actually wanted to help people. Sure, he was closed off at first, but that was because he only had evil vampires in his life. Once he was surrounded by good humans, he became gentle with a strong desire to help others. Spike was already surrounded by good humans. He should have become better faster.

Idk, maybe it really is that just being around Angel turned him into the worst version of himself.

Sorry, that was rambly, I just have FEELINGS.

[pattypanini]

Lay All Your Love On Me Chapter 5- Rules

Josh Kiszka x Reader AND slight Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: Around 4k

AN: Hi everyone! Here is the fifth chapter of Lay All Your Love On Me from me and @mar-rein12! Thank you so much for all the support, we appreciate it all. Here is the taglist incase anyone wants to be added to it: TAGLIST. This is our last 'smaller' chapter but its filled with lots of good stuff. We hope you enjoy chapter 5, Rules.

Also get ready for smut because it doesn't end from here, only gets worse. LOL. And get more use to Jake, because we’re going to be seeing a lot more of him soon 😘

Next chapter coming this Thursday!

Warnings: 18+, SMUTTTTT, Unprotected sex, Tit fondling, Fingering, Oral (F receiving), Angst, Flirting, Cursing, Hickeys, Alcohol, not good coping mechanisms, jealousy, heavy petting. (lmk if i forgot anything!)

Y/n’s POV:

Walking to class the next morning was an experience. You both ended up sleeping through the alarm and had to get ready at his house. So that meant having to go to class in his sweats and t-shirt from last night. Charlotte wasn’t the happiest that you didn’t walk with her to class, in fact you ended up being half an hour late to your lecture, but telling her about the night distracted her from her anger.

“He may or may not have eaten me out..” You raise your eyebrows, as you tilt your cold brew up to your lips, taking a swig. 

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Charlotte covers her mouth to keep her drink in. 

“Char, quiet down please. I don’t think all of Starbucks wants to know about my night,” you scolded her with a chuckle. It had become routine to go to Starbucks after your first class due to the break you both had before your next one. 

“Well… how was it? Was he good?” Charlotte presses. 

“It was really good. A lot better than I expected, I’ll say that. His talkativeness definitely translates into the bedroom.”  

“Omg, I bet you're looking forward to practicing now. I mean you guys are, like, practically married at this point.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, in a teasing manner. 

To be honest you weren’t looking forward to practice this afternoon knowing that Lindsey would be expecting a cover of your adventures of last night, and that Josh would be listening to it to hear what you rated his performance. So fucking cocky. 

“Umm yeah, sure I guess I’m excited.” You respond, knowing you were completely lying to her.

You finish your drinks and say your goodbyes, making your way to your hour and a half long class that you would spend most of the time online shopping. 

—

First week of April 2023- Spring Semester- Junior Year

The rest of the week, practice goes fairly smooth. It was now the beginning of April and you were enjoying your time at practice, feeling very confident in your role. You still had a little over a month before the real deal but everyone was making good progress. But of course something was nagging at you. Josh was still talking and flirting with that bitch, Sophia. Yeah you were a little jealous, but so was she. She wanted Josh so bad and can’t take seeing Josh being flirty with you. 

When everyone was trying out, Sophia explained that she would be soooo perfect for the role of Sophie. Apparently, she's not as perfect as she thinks because you’re the one that got the lead. Guys only want her because she has a fat ass, but she’s just a fucking airhead. All looks, no brains and definitely no personality. She was very rude to everyone she met except for guys. You didn’t understand how Josh couldn’t see that. Or maybe he did, and he just wanted you to get jealous. Asshole.

By the time it hit Friday you were so done with the week. You were kinda excited to hangout with Josh this weekend since you barely talked during the week, but you couldn't seem too desperate. 

You walk over to Josh who is still talking to Sophia way after practice ended to talk to him about the weekend. “Hey Sophia, are you done talking to Josh?”

“I’m actually not sooo.”

“It was a rhetorical question dumbass soooo, bye.” You give a bitchy smile, sending her on her way. Josh turns to you with a confused look on his face. 

“Uhhh what the fuck y/n?”

“Did you really have any interest in what she was saying, because your body language alone shows literally anything but interest.”

He rolls his eyes, waiting for what you have to say.

“Are we hanging out this weekend?”

“Why so desperate for me y/n? Did Monday night really change you.” He says smirking, eyeing you up and down.

“Sorry for wanting to be around you, besides I can’t be hanging out with anyone else, but you don’t seem to be holding up your end of the bargain so I guess it doesn’t matter. So what are you doing tonight?”

“I’m going to the Alpha Delta Phi house tonight for their party, but you're not coming, those guys would be all over you.”

“Is Sophia coming?”

“Yeah but only because she heard I was going, but you're not coming.”

“Okay fine. I’ll just call Mark to have him over. See you on Monday.” You turn, beginning to walk away before you feel a hand grab your shoulder, turning you Josh’s way.

“No you're not!” He says looking deep into your eyes with anger, and jealousy. “If you're coming you're staying with me, got it?”

You nod your head with innocence and leave without another word. Tonight was going to be fun, and Josh would finally realize why no other girl could ever replace you.

JOSH’s POV:

The shower was relaxing, especially after a week of long practices and stupid classes. You just wanted to unwind and get a little drunk at tonight's party. You weren’t super thrilled when Sophia said she wanted to come to the party, not that you care about her being around everyone. You just didn't want to hear her yap all night, that was your job. 

You wanted to pick out an outfit that you knew y/n would like, but she really hasn’t expressed what she likes on you, so you opted to stick with your basics, a white t-shirt, khaki shorts, and high top white vans. 

You quickly shoved your pen in your pocket and keys and you and Jake started heading towards the main road. You texted y/n that you would meet her outside the frat house at 11:15 before you went in. You wouldn’t let her walk into that damn house alone, even though she probably has a million times.

The walk to the house was quiet. Jake has obviously been flirting with y/n, but she wasn’t reciprocating it so you didn’t worry. When you finally got there you waited outside and sent y/n a text. 

11:13pm Josh: We’re here, where are you?

11:13 pm y/n: I’m on the street, chill.

You waited a moment and scrolled on your phone until you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see her. Holy shit. She was pure beauty. Y/n stands there wearing a plum corset top with black leather pants and black docs. Her long hair was curled loosely and fell over her shoulders perfectly. Her makeup was gorgeous and perfectly accentuated her features. You hadn't realized how long you had been staring for before y/n said something. 

“Josh, hello? Are you good?” She flashed her perfect, white teeth at you.

“Oh yeah, we can head in.” You notice her necklace is off centered and reach forward to fix it, lining the initial in the middle of her collarbone. 

“Thanks Joshy.” She smiles at you and makes her way up the stairs as you turn to look at Jake.

“Pick your jaw off the floor Jake, she's not yours bud.”

“We’ll see about that, brother.” He pats you on the back, a stupid smirk plastered across his face, following y/n’s footsteps.

I’m gonna kill him. 

-

Something about tonight made you think you were going to need a fair amount of alcohol. You make your way to the kitchen where bottles are scattered across the counter tops. The rooms were dark and overstimulating with all the music and people. You make your way across the room on the creaky floors into the kitchen. You grab a cup for you and y/n and attempt to find her in the ocean of people. When you finally find her dancing with some of her friends you tap her and hand her her drink. 

“Thanks Joshyyy.” She smiles, takes a sip, and continues to dance. She already seems a little tipsy.

“Did you drink already?” You ask, taking a sip of your own drink.

“I meannnn, I had a few shots before I came, but I’m tot-ally in control.” She says slurring her words. She grabs you by your shirt pulling you into her, forcing you to dance with her. In her drunken state, you feel a splash of something soak into your white shirt. “Josh, oh my god, I’m sorryyy.”

“Fuck. Uh, it’s fine,” You were pissed, slightly embarrassed as well. Annoyed, you stomp away from her to find some napkins.

As you enter the kitchen, you locate the napkins and look over to y/n’s direction. You see she’s already found another guy. She leans her head on the mystery man’s shoulder, loudly speaking into his ear. 

“My number is 517, wait, that's not close. Um, haha. Uh, 273- 5. Wait fuck- its actually 274,” she screams into his ear, laughing hysterically. “The last four digits are-”

You’ve had enough, you race towards her leaning into her ear. “What did you not understand about our deal?” You say through gritted teeth, speaking just loud enough so only she could hear. 

“I’m only being nice. Cool it.” She snaps back at you, defensively. 

“Fine. I guess I can be ‘nice’ too, hm?” You walk away from her, beginning to regret letting her come along. You grab your pen from your pocket and take a quick hit, followed by another sip of the mixed drink. You make your way to the dance floor, looking for her. When your eyes spot her, you quickly make your way over.

You reach your hand out to her, inviting her to dance with you. “ Care to dance?” You offer her a syrupy, sweet smile. Your eyes plead with her to say ‘yes’.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Sophia takes your hand and you guide her so her back is pressed against your front. The song Kill The Lights begins to blare through the speakers, undoubtedly rupturing anyone’s eardrums who were in close vicinity. The strobe lights flicker around the, otherwise, dark room. Your hands land on her hips, grinding her ass into your semi-hard dick. She looked lovely tonight dressed in an emerald green bodysuit paired with black skinny jeans. Her tits practically falling out of her top and her jeans perfectly highlighting her curvy hips. 

“You look pretty tonight, Soph,” You lean down and whisper into her ear.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Kiszka,” she retorts, biting her lip and grinding harder into you.

“Oh fuck,” the friction of her grinding was beginning to get to you. You break away from her, turning her around to face you. “Want me to fill up your drink?”

“Please,” she hands you her cup and you scurry off to the kitchen, yet again. It appeared to be your favorite place tonight. You find yourself looking y/n’s way, to see her staring back at you. 

Y/n’s POV

Are you fucking joking. After everything you guys talked about, he still takes it as a fucking joke. Well, maybe you weren't one to talk, but two can play at that game. You make your way through the crowd, in search of a Kiszka twin, and certainly not the slutty, fuckboy twin. You see him standing leaning against the wall, beer in hand. His black button up only buttoned to his navel, enticing you even more. “Can you dance?” You ask him, batting your lashes at Jake. 

“Fuck, yeah!” You grab his hand forcefully pulling him to the dance floor, and right pass Josh so he can see you and his twin walking by, hand and hand. Blame It by Jamie Foxx and T- Pain begins to play and that was enough to get you in a certain mood. You left no time to start grinding up on Jake, pressing your ass into his dick. 

His hands began feeling up and down your body, going from your ass, around your hips, up to your waist. As you look deep into Josh’s eyes you grab Jake's hands and begin to reach down pulling them higher so they are just below your tits. Your hips sway against him, feeling his dick harden into your ass. 

“y/n…” Jake mumbles into your ear, seductively. “Damn..” You move his hands to sit right on top of your tits and he gives them a light squeeze. “... you’re so fucking beautiful.” 

You would hate this type of PDA normally, but tonight you were just in the mood for revenge.

“I know you’ve been wanting to touch me, Jake,” You turn around to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Yeah? Who says?” His brow quirks up, challenging you. He pulls you closer, your bodies now flush together. 

“Says me, and all the flirting you’ve been doing lately.” You tilt your face up to his, looking directly into his chocolatey brown eyes. A few moments of silence pass as you both continue to dance.

You feel a hand wrap around your bicep and pull you away from Jake. 

“What the actual, fuck, do you think you’re doing?” It was Josh. His eyes darted between you and his brother. 

“Just having some fun Josh since you wanted to leave me stranded on the dance floor! You expected me to dance all alone? I don’t fucking think so,” You snap at him, ripping your arm out of his hand, turning back to Jake.

“Where were we?” You shoot him a small smile, simply to get under Josh’s skin.

“No, it's time to leave, let's go.” He says pulling you away from his brother, dragging you out of the party.

You rip your hand out of his, yet again, and cross your arms as you walk with a purpose to get back to your dorm, whether he would follow or not.

“You’re no fucking fun Josh! You expect me to just stand there while Sophia is grinding on you. I may have been a little drunk but I’m sober enough to realize that you aren’t following the rules. So, OF COURSE, I wasn’t going to either. I didn’t think you could be so dense Josh!” You practically scream at him, as he follows close behind you. 

After a long quiet walk you finally make it to your dorm, with him still hot on your heels. Charlotte, without a doubt, would be staying at someone else's dorm tonight so you would be alone. You swing the door open trying to shut it infront of him, but he stopped it before it could fully close. As you make it into your bedroom, you slowly peel your pants off feeling over-stimulated, leaving you in only your corset and undies. After struggling to get your pants off you flop onto your bed, facing up to the ceiling. 

You close your eyes for a brief moment, and feel a presence above you. 

“You’re being a fucking brat you know that, and its making me crazy, y/n.” He begins to put his hands on both sides of your head, hovering above you. His lips dangerously close to your ear. “You don’t know what you do to me, mama, do you?” You shake your head, obviously knowing you make him horny. “Well I’m gonna fucking show you, and there won’t be any more confusion.”

JOSH’s POV

God, you don't know how long you’d be able to keep it together before you unleashed everything you had on her, but you had to work up to it. You wanted so badly to put her over your legs and spank her hard to teach her a lesson, but since she drank you didn’t think that would be the best move. Hooking your fingers under her panties you pull them aside, giving you full access to her beautiful wet pussy that you know you didn’t contribute to. But you knew you’d contribute to her not being able to walk tomorrow. 

“Who made you this wet, mama?” You already know the answer but you just want to hear her say it out loud. 

“Y-You Joshy.” She says with innocent eyes. Anticipation written all over her pretty face. 

“No, I said who fucking made you this wet, huh? Was it the guy in the corner or my fucking brother. Don’t you dare lie to me,” You say, grabbing her face slightly, making her look into your eyes. 

“It was Jakey, I’m sorry baby.” Jakey? Not the fucking pet names.

“Don’t be giving him fucking pet names, those are for me and me only, got it?” She nods again, and you let go of her face.

“There seems to be a lot you need to learn mama, and we're gonna make sure you know all of that before the end of the night.”

You kneel again before her, wasting no time to get to her wet heat. You bring your fingers up to the entrance of her mouth, “Open.” She opens her mouth up, sticking her tongue out slightly. What a dirty whore. You shove your fingers deep down her throat, making her gag slightly. As you bring them out she sucks on them, making your already hard dick throb under the fabric of your shorts.

You shove them deep into her pussy, curling them up to hit all the good spots. As if you had hit a button, she begins to arch her back and moan. 

“Let it all out, let me hear you baby. Your moans make me so fucking hard. They turn me on so much, mama.” You quicken the pace of your fingers.

“Josh, oh my god. You’re perfect holy fuck. Your fingers fill me up so good.” You’d be filling her up even more soon.

You notice her tits bouncing in her corset, that needs to come off, immediately. You remove your fingers and flip her onto her stomach. You start unlatching all the clips and turn her back over to back to peel it off the front of her. Her marks had faded from the other week.

You lean forward, making quick work of your mouth to create new purple bruises that would match her corset perfectly. Kissing each one of them before connecting your mouth with hers. 

“Are you ready for my cock mama?” You ask quietly.

She frantically nods her head, you could tell she needed it, but we weren't going to give it to her that easy.

“Beg for it baby, tell me how much you need my hard cock in that pretty pussy of yours.” 

“Fuck Josh I need it so bad. Wanna feel you inside” You begin to unlatch your pants pulling them down to the floor. “You're gonna stretch me out so good with your huge cock.” Bending down to her pussy, spitting straight onto it. “I wanna cum around your cock, please Josh.” You grin feeling like she gave you enough. You slap her pussy before thrusting into her hard, not giving her much time to adjust.

You lean forward, one hand on the bed, one on her tit. You lay a sloppy kiss to her lips and fuck into her hard. You could tell you were hitting the right spots. She was moaning and bracing herself by grabbing your biceps, which very quickly escalated to her nails scratching down your back. Fuck. It fucking hurt, but hurt so good. 

As you continued to pound hard into her you felt a new angle was needed. You pick yourself off her and begin to grab her ankles, and pull them up to your shoulders. Letting them rest there as you fuck her even deeper now. 

She was melting beneath you, becoming a sloppy mess. Her moans picked up, you could tell she, and yourself, were close to a breaking point. You kiss her ankles softly, which contrasted to the hard pounding you were inflicting onto your pussy.

“Where do you want me to cum baby?” You say through heavy breathing.

“Cum in me Josh, I wanna feel you fill me up.” Holy shit. You weren’t going to question it. As you get closer to your release you begin to feel squeezing around your cock.

“God, y/n, if you keep squeezing me like that I’ll come right, fucking, now.”

“FUCK JOSH, I’m gonna cum. Please don’t stop, harder!” She begins to buck up against you, meeting your thrusts.

“That's it baby, cum for me. You're such a good girl for me” 

With that she let out one final moan, filling the room with pleasure. You weren't too far behind her. You continued pounding her hard and within a few seconds came right into her pussy, just like she told you to. 

You fell into the spot right beside her in bed.

“You think you learned your lesson?” You tease, looking over at her. 

“Definitely Josh, it’ll be hard not to think about you.”

“Yeah? Why is that y/n”

“Because I’m going to be thinking about you every single time I try to walk.”

You can’t help but laugh at her comment. You wanted to make her feel good, make her want you even more. 

You couldn’t be bothered to get dressed, instead you pull the blanket up from the bottom of the bed, press a kiss into her head, and fall asleep next to the girl of your dreams.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TAGLIST

@demonrat444 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jordie-gvf @jazzyfigz @slut4lando @gvfmarge @peaceloveunitygvf @jjwasneverhere @areuirish @mar-rein12 @woyayaofdreams @freyjalw @musicspeaks

[shes4twnksinatrnchct]

Hell of a Show

Jake Kiszka x fem oc

Fifteen years after resigning from Greta Van Fleet, for reasons undisclosed to the public, Coley Payne is asked by her former band members to tell her side of the story.

Words: 6k

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, explicit language, angst, fluff, first love, drug and alcohol abuse, reference to sexual situations

Please keep in mind this is a work of fiction and enjoy!

***LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED***

***Table of Content***

The Beginning: Part IV

Coley’s in the thick attempt to bury her guilt, her legs entangled around her boyfriend’s hips, her hands in his hair, her lips moving lazily against his from where she’s shelved on Lindsey Cureton’s bathroom counter. 

They’d only been here for a total of forty minutes before she was dragging him upstairs to hide once she heard Josh loudly announcing his own arrival–and where there’s Josh, there’s Jake. 

At some point, between the rattling boom of the J. Cole song that’s acting as a good guise to hide soft sighs and whispered curses in the thick of making out, his fingers dig into her thighs, his lips pull away from her neck, and Holton thoughtlessly asks, “Do you want to?”

Catching her breath, she winces with the sound of his voice and replies, “You want our first time to be in a bathroom?” 

“It’s not about the place, it’s about the person.” He tells her nearly in the same manner, not even bothering to hide his smug smile, leaning down to kiss her again. 

She sees Jake in her mind as they carry on, the little buzz from her drinking helping her mind to blur the lines of reality and fiction, right and wrong, as Holton grabs handfuls of her hair to angle her head, his lips trailing down her neck.

When she can’t take anymore of the mental torture she’s inflicting upon herself, she’s asking, “Can we talk about something?”

“Yeah.” He tells her, not bothering to stop his descent along her skin, lips grazing across the skin of her chest before he’s trying to pull her sweater off over her head. 

“Holton.” She half-laughs, pathetically discouraged by his oblivious disposition while his mouth meets hers again briefly with the exposure of her in her red bra. 

“I’m listening.” He promises, his fingers tugging at the button of her jeans…

“Holton, no, I’m serious. We need to talk.” She struggles to get it out without her voice being crowded with a potential cry pertaining to the subject, her heart heavy in her chest while the grip on her emotions becomes harder to maintain in her borderline tipsy state.

“Okay.” He pulls his hands away from her, brushing hair from her face as he realizes something’s wrong. 

Before she can even gather her racing thoughts into as organized of a pile as they can be, her buzzing phone yanks her attention from the confession at hand.

The two of them try to find it, Holton pulling her sweater from the counter to see it’d been hiding underneath it, lighting up and flashing with the name: Josh

“Hello?” Coley answers it, Holton taking a step back, rubbing his forehead and patiently waiting for her to get off the phone. 

“Where are you?” Josh asks her, glancing around the crowd as best he can given his drunken state, searching for an abnormally short, mousy-haired girl, unable to find her. 

“I’m at Lindsey’s—where are you?” Coley retorts slowly, knowing that he knows where she’s at, furrowing her brows. 

“Like, upstairs at Lindsey’s, or outside, or…?” Josh ignores her question. 

“Josh, I’m upstairs…with Holton—”

“—Ew!” He wrinkles his nose, and Holton hears it through the phone, his middle finger coming up toward the cell-phone, and she smiles and pushes his hand away. “Get down here. I found tequila.” 

“Tequila. At a party. Groundbreaking.” Coley dryly states. 

“It is. Now get down here so we can hide and split it.”

The cold mirror radiates through Coley’s hair when she leans her head back against it. 

“Okay…where are you? Me and Holton will come to you.” She suggests, placing the phone on speaker as she tugs her shirt back on, Holton giving her an irritated look while she mouths, “Sorry,” to him. 

“I’m in the kitchen.” 

“Okay, we’ll be there in a second.”

Just a few doors down, Jake has fallen to his own means of distraction in one of the spare bedrooms within the same hallway of Lindsey’s parent-free house. 

His brown eyes stare at the ceiling as the girl lying beside him carries on tipsily about her ex boyfriend—how they hooked up last weekend and he told her they were going to get back together, only for him to once more ghost her after they slept together…

Hope notices somewhat that he’s not fully paying attention, but doesn’t take it to heart because it’s not necessarily his responsibility to. 

They both know the only reason they’re together is because the people that they do want, don’t want them—bonding over not being good enough for the people they love—or being just good enough that they can make them feel good for a short time before pretending it never happened.  

What she doesn’t know is who has him just as hurt as she is, but she also doesn’t bother to ask, either. 

“…Guys are douchebags, Hope,” He offers when he realizes she’s stopped speaking, his hand resting on her back as she turns on her stomach and looks at him while propping her head on her hand. 

“You’re not.” She offers to him, and he scoffs. 

“I have my moments.” It’s mumbled out as he rubs his forehead. 

“I don’t believe that.” She shakes her head, finding it nearly impossible to imagine Jake being mean or douchey. 

He was decently shy and quiet around people he didn’t know. 

He minded his own business, staying out of drama, and although he chased after girls the way a dog does its own tail, none of his relationships or—even situationships—ended badly on his part. 

Jake lets out a soft breath and she blinks at him. 

“We need to get back downstairs before someone comes in here.” He suggests desperately needing to get out of the room that holds the two of them, sitting up. 

While he gets dressed, a misstep nearly lands him in the floor and causes laughter from both him and Hope to fill the room while she fights to fasten her bra from her place sitting on the bed. 

In the midst of their time together, he hasn’t noticed his phone vibrating with multiple missed calls and messages from Sam. 

When the two of them finally get their clothes back on and attempt to slip from the room as nonchalantly as they can, their timing is off just enough that Coley sees them while the heel of her boot is about to descend the first step of the flight that her boyfriend’s half-way down already. 

Jake feels as though he’s been slapped sober, growing nauseous when they lock eyes, seeing that she’s also somewhat roughed up. 

Her flat-ironed hair has been tampered with and her pink lip gloss is smeared around her lips. 

He hates to think of what they’ve been up to. 

“Hey, C.J.” Hope greets her sweetly, smoothing her own red hair down. 

Coley returns her kind expression and kindly replies, “Hey, Hope,” while taking note of something potentially embarrassing, politely whispering, “Pssst,” to catch the girl’s attention. 

Hope’s eyes fall on her somewhat lost, still trying to gather herself from her time with Jake, and Coley nods at her shirt. 

It’s on backwards. 

Glancing down, Hope starts giggling while Jake briefly closes his eyes shut as if he’s been caught. 

“Oops.” Hope gets out lightly, glancing at Jake in her blissful oblivion to the silent conversation he and Coley are exchanging just through their glares. “I’ll be back in a second.” She adds to him, planting a perfectly timed kiss to his lips. 

The blonde next to them looks away, biting into her tongue to keep from making a face at the exchange.

COLEY: I didn't have a problem with Hope. She was always very kind to me.

However, I was unhappy, and lacked the maturity to separate my own feelings for Jake from the fact that Hope was completely detached from whatever the hell was going on between us at the time.

Hope is soon stepping back to the room to fix her shirt while Coley glances at Holton enveloped in conversation with Tucker at the bottom of the stairs—not paying any attention to the fact that his girlfriend and their guitarist is alone. 

It’s now that she once again looks at Jake, black-lined blue eyes staring at him when he steals a look at her once Hope is out of sight. 

Not a word has been spoken between the two of them since what transpired during the night last night.

This morning she deliberately woke up as early as she could and was waiting in the car by the time Julianne woke up. 

They were off to school before Jake even got out of the shower, and she went back home after school to get ready for the party before heading to Holton’s to ride with him. 

Jake looks as though he’s about to speak, and Coley quickly avoids it, stepping down the stairs to pat at her boyfriend's shoulders. 

Holton looks at her where she’s standing on the second step from the bottom, being cut off from his conversation.

“Can we go back to your place?” She asks him, wanting nothing more than to leave now that she’s got the mental image of Jake with Hope in her head. 

“We’ve only been here like an hour.” He says to her, slightly annoyed at the thought of leaving his friends. “What about Josh and Tequila?” Holton questions her, next, trying to find any excuse not to leave yet, and she takes in a breath and leans into his ear, asking, “What about us and your house?” moving out of the way when she hears Jake and Hope pass her by, refusing to look at either of them. 

“It’s just down the road, Holton…I’m just really tired and wanna go to bed.” She adds, next. “You can drop me off so I can get my car and then you can come back.” 

Her blue eyes try their best to be beggy and pathetic the way her brown-eyed companions can do with theirs so easily to get what they want. 

“Alright.” He relents, turning to Tucker and Co. and stating, “I’ll be back,” grabbing his girlfriend’s hand. 

On their way to the door, she’s stopped by Sam, his brows pulled down in confusion as she asks, “Have you seen my brothers?” 

“Josh is in the kitchen, the other one’s with Holton’s sister somewhere.” She dismissively waves, turning back to keep following her boyfriend before turning her head back to shout, “Tell Josh I’m sorry and I’ll make it up to him!” over the music. 

Sam merely gives her a thumbs up and heads to the kitchen to locate Josh while she and Holton get outside and take in the crisp air that’s tainted with the faint smell of weed and cigarettes. 

“Where you two off to?!” Hope calls from the group of friends she and Jake are standing with, and Coley rolls her eyes at her inability to escape them. 

“The house.” Holton states to her, dragging Coley behind him as he steps closer to them. 

“Taking advantage of mom being dead to the world by this time?” Hope inquires next solely to irritate her brother, and he glances at Jake as he says, “Maybe,” solely with the intent of making him jealous. 

“Hmm.” She takes in a drag of her joint and blows the smoke directly into his face before piping, “Praying that your poor baby looks like her.”

Jake looks wildly bothered by the turn of subject, Coley only laughing off the uncomfortable comment that Holton seems less than impressed with. 

“Everyday I ask God why mom didn’t swallow you.” He retorts. 

“Because he knew someone was gonna have to help you pass tenth grade for the second time.” Hope chirps, and Holton looks at Jake and says, “I’d suggest getting tested. She fucks anyone who gives her 2 seconds of their time.” 

“Yeah, your girlfriend’s next if you keep running your mouth.” She says in the same breath, not bothered with his dig at her. 

Coley can’t help the giggle that leaves her from the abrupt comment, tending to laugh off discomfort, Holton glaring at her.

Jake shifts the subject by glancing down at Holton’s feet to try to figure out which one’s supposed to be hurt. 

“How’s your foot?” Jake asks him, and Holton looks down and clears his throat as Coley’s heartbeat picks up with the question. 

“It’s not too bad right now.” Holton casually shrugs.

“Let’s hope it stays that way for the show tomorrow night.” He states, next, looking at the drummer pointedly. 

“I’ll be there.” Holton gives him half-assed assurance that doesn’t go over Jake’s head, his words completely disingenuous, as if saying it to get him off of his back. 

“You will?” Jake questions, Hope handing the blunt over to him. 

“Yeah, Jake, I will. Who the fuck else will if I don’t?” He passively chuckles it out, and Jake keeps his mouth shut to spare an argument…

“...And on that note…” Coley starts, clearing her throat. “…We’ll see you guys later,” it’s now her turn to drag Holton, who leaves his sister with the parting words, “Hate you.”

“Hate you more!” She calls, turning back to face Jake. “He’s so annoying. C.J. can do so much better.”

Jake watches as the two of them walk to Holton’s car, the ginger glancing back at his sister and Jake to lock eyes with the guitarist, offering a petty glare to him before pulling Coley closer to him. 

“Yeah…” He starts in agreement with Hope. “…She can.”

JAKE: You won’t be shocked to know I never saw him again after that. 

Coley and Holton soon get to his house, and her eyes watch the various bugs circle his porch light while waiting for him to unlock the door, the two of them having driven in silence on the way over here because of Holton’s pouting over his sister’s comments, and her just being in her head about Jake and Hope. 

She knows they’ve been talking but didn’t realize they were sleeping together, too. 

It surpasses jealousy—truthfully—the feeling that overwhelms her and outright rears its head is near betrayal. 

But she can’t blame him, can she? He’s made his feelings known to her for how long, now? And she’s brushed him off, dismissed him and has pretended it’s never been a thing. 

Of course he wasn’t going to wait around for her to change her mind, and she can’t fault him for that…at least she shouldn’t. 

The two of them step into his house quietly, and he waits by the door for her to go grab her keys from his bedroom when a potentially reckless thought creeps into her mind as his words from Lindsey’s bathroom are echoed through her memory.

Maybe deepening her connection with him will run Jake out of her mind entirely. 

It seems to have worked with him and Hope, after all. 

“Did you get ‘em?” Holton huffs out, appearing in his doorway while Coley turns to look at him. 

“Your mom’s asleep?” She inquires, ignoring his question as she glances at her car keys—a part of her wanting to grab them and go, but she can’t bring herself to. 

“Yeah, she is. I gotta get back, Coley, c’mon,” He nods toward the front door, ignoring the way she’s looking at him…that is until she peels her sweater off. 

The realization creeps to his face like molasses, boots and her jeans going next. 

“You want to, right?” Is her next question, and he’s stepping into the room as if he’s in a trance, shutting the door and locking it behind him. 

“Yeah, I do.” He tells her, getting his own shoes off before stepping toward her, leaning down to try to kiss her. 

She pulls away slightly and whispers out, “Get on the bed.” 

She doesn’t have to tell him twice. 

COLEY: It didn’t soothe anything, or even distract me. 

All I could think about the entire time we were doing that was how badly I wished I would’ve stayed at that party with Jake.

She’s like a zombie when she gets back to the Kiszkas, numb and not remembering driving to their house.  

Plucking the spare key from their hiding spot, she gets inside and quietly shuts it, padding upstairs with a soreness between her legs and a shattered heart. 

What was supposed to be a genuinely loving and romantic exchange was anything but. 

She’s sure Holton feels it was, so long as he didn’t notice how utterly out of it she’d been. 

It didn’t work to get Jake out of her head, if anything it only cemented him further into her soul—causing her to feel as though she was cheating on Jake despite the fact that Holton is her boyfriend. 

Coley showers and tries to scrub the guilt away that she feels for being such a piece of shit girlfriend. 

How the hell did she go from wanting to tell him she kissed Jake last night, to jumping into bed with him? 

And to make matters worse, while they were catching their breath and lying in his bed afterwards, he asked her what it was she needed to talk to him about earlier in the night. 

She played dumb and pretended as though she’d forgotten, mumbling it wasn’t anything major…

As she’s getting dried off, the bathroom door abruptly opens and she winces at the sound of Josh heaving into the toilet. 

Peeking from behind the curtain with her towel wrapped around her, she eyes him, and he looks at her. 

“Have you been crying?” Is the first words out of his mouth, her eyes red and puffy. 

“I’m sorry I bailed on you.” She says quietly to him, ignoring his question, and he shakes his head, dry heaving. 

“Oh, you saved yourself. I promise.” He assures her, another bout of vomit leaving him. 

Making sure her towel is secure around her, she steps out of the shower and grabs at his long hair, pulling it back to keep it from getting puke in it. 

“Where’s Jake?” She can’t help but ask it once Josh catches a break. 

“High as a kite.” Is all he says before getting sick again. 

“Here, I got it,” Ronnie says suddenly, standing in the doorway of the bathroom, gently gathering Josh’s hair in her own hands so Coley can go get ready for bed. 

“Thanks.” Coley lets out before stepping around them. 

“You’re so stupid.” She hears the girl tell her older brother before shutting the bathroom door. 

She doesn’t see Sam or Jake and counts it as a blessing as she slips into Veronica’s room. 

Julianne is laying in the bed, the two girls having been asleep when everyone seemingly arrived within twenty minutes of each other. 

“Did you have fun?” Jules asks her sister in her half-asleep state, and the question brings forth the memories Coley wants to bury. 

If their older sister weren’t asleep, she’d call her and expel all of her ill-doing onto her to try to clear her head. 

“No.” She says it quietly, and Jules furrows her brows and sits up, turning the lamp on Veronica’s bedside table on. 

“What happened?” Her little sister asks, and Coley pulls her clothes on and sniffles, eyes watering and her hands shaking as she wipes her eyes. 

“I did a shitty thing.” Coley admits. “And I really don’t wanna talk about it right now…but it’s really bad…”

“…Well, don’t have to talk about it.” Jules assures her. “Look, I can just pretend to be Sherri, and you can cry, and I’ll tell you it’s gonna be alright even if it’s total bullshit and the sky is actually falling.” She adds, patting the bed that’s still warm from where Veronica was laying in it. 

Coley does just that, getting into the bed while Jules cuddles up to her the way she’s seen their older sister do when Coley’s having a crisis of some sort. 

Across the hall, Sam’s finally getting Jake up the stairs and into their room, his older brother giggling every now and then before starting a thought aloud that he can’t finish.

“I’m never doing this shit again.” Sammy mumbles to himself. 

The ride home was hell between Josh getting sick, and Jake going on and on about Coley—burdening Sam with information he never asked for, nor needed, and now has to pretend he doesn’t know about. 

~ • ~ 

The parking lot of White’s Bar is foggy and hazed with cigarette smoke and other smoked substances while the sound of gravel crunches under Coley’s heels as she paces, continuing to check her phone for any sign of her boyfriend responding to her many texts. 

He completely ignored her throughout the day, she thought maybe he was sleeping off a hangover since he went back to the party after she left, at least that’s the excuse she gave when he didn’t show for rehearsals earlier in the day. 

It’s a kick to her ego, to say the least, for her boyfriend to ignore her the night after they sleep together for the first time. 

“...Try pacing more to the left, Coley, so the gravel wears down evenly.” Josh suggests from where he’s sitting on the curb beside Sam. 

“Where the hell is he?” She asks, frustrated and anxious, eyeing Jake as he steps away from his mom’s suburban and walks toward them. 

As he’s been doing throughout the day, Sam glances at his older brother and then at the blonde, the same tension that’s filled the air between them all day returning, causing Sammy to clear his throat and try his best to ignore the fact they have something happening despite the fact she's dating their drummer.

“He’s not coming.” Jake says to them, and she furrows her brows in confusion.

“Did you talk to him? What did he say?” It’s one of the few things she’s said to him in the last twenty-four hours. 

“No. I just know Holton. He’s not coming.” He doesn’t look at her, huffing it out while sitting back down next to Josh. 

She couldn’t be any less impressed with his ability to jump to conclusions, rolling her jaw at him.

“Jake. He told me last night he’d be here.” Coley defends Holton, crossing her arms. 

“Yeah? Where’s he at?” Jake doesn’t even try to pretend it's okay anymore, having hit a ceiling with the constant unreliability of the drummer. “Because we did say we were gonna get here two hours early to get set up—and we were late so he’s had extra time to get here.” 

“He’s probably on the way right now.” Coley assures them, at least wanting to believe as much. 

“It’s probably his foot.” Sam mumbles, next, clearly doubting the validity of any excuse. 

“What’s wrong with you guys?” She snaps to them, suddenly feeling that it’s the three of them against her boyfriend, and now her, being that she’s taking up for him. “We’re a band, and you’re all assuming the worst of someone—”

“--Face the music, Princess.” Josh blurts, flatly. “Your boyfriend’s full of shit, and we’re about to be here for an actual paid gig without our goddamn drummer.” He adds. 

She’s used to Josh being more chipper, more forgiving…Holton has exhausted his grace. 

Jake watches while his twin’s words soak into their rhythm guitarist, feeling a pit in his stomach as the disappointment falls over her face. 

Softening his expression, he humors her delusions. 

“…Maybe he’s just running behind.” He doesn’t believe his own words for even a second, but says it simply to ease Coley’s embarrassment for trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

She gives the hint of a smile to him that Josh ruins as he states, “Maybe I can pull a rabbit outta my ass.” 

Coley ignores him this time, deciding perhaps it’s best to go wait with her mom and sister instead of the begrudged group of boys. 

“Have you heard from him?” Sherri whispers to Coley as she climbs into the car and shuts the door, Tammy and Karen kicking into another topic while Kelly rests his eyes in the driver's seat of the Kiszka’s suburban that’s parked beside Tammy’s. 

“No.” She mumbles, shaking her head. 

“Coley, I think you really need to tell the guys the truth.” Sherri softly tells her little sister so nobody else hears, knowing that the position her boyfriend has put her in with lying to her friends is weighing on her along with undeniable fluctuation in his dedication to the band. 

They need a drummer to be a band, and it was supposed to be him. 

“He’ll get kicked out of the band, Sherri.” Coley whispers. “I can’t…I promised him that I wouldn’t tell them.”

“Coley, he’s already not acting like he wants to be there anymore. He can’t fault Jake or the guys—or you—for wanting to give him the boot. I know you love him, but something’s gotta give, and I think you and the boys have given enough.”

“It’s not that easy, Sher.” Coley tells her, shaking her head. 

“It is that easy.” Sherri states, raising her brows. “Things aren’t as complicated as you make them out to be someti—” She’s cut off by Coley piping, “Shh!” When she overhears Karen say, “Oh, here’s Sarah,” answering her phone to speak with Holton’s mom. 

Coley holds her breath, her sister sliding her hand into hers to try to comfort her as Karen gives out a disappointed, “Oh…Okay, well, we’re already here–and have the stuff ready to be set up…” Again, she goes quiet while they can hear Sarah’s voice on the other line but not exactly what she says. 

Karen looks at her curb of boys and the blonde in the back of Tammy’s car, and sighs out. 

“That’s okay. I’m sure they’ll understand…alright, tell him to feel better…yeah, bye-bye.” 

Disappointment isn’t even an appropriate word to describe the feeling that boils in Coley’s blood as Karen says, “He wanted his mom to tell us that his foot is still hurting and he doesn’t think he’ll make it.” 

A small giggle sprouts from Coley’s throat, slowly but surely forming into a full-fledged laugh. 

Tammy turns and looks at her daughter upon recognizing such laughter as anything but humorous. 

How stupid are you? Coley thinks to herself, feeling all the more tight in her chest with the thought of everyone being here except Holton—who she has tried to take up for through the night, so sure that he wouldn’t bail on them at the last minute. 

But once again he has, leaving her to look completely moronic for believing he wouldn’t. 

Her feet and legs tingle with the jitters of needing to walk, so angry that her skin prickles while she frees herself of the confines of the vehicle. 

“…I can’t sing and play at the same time, Sam, my mind isn’t wired like that.” Josh tells his little brother who’d just suggested he fill in for Holton since he could play drums before he even started singing. “You wouldn’t even be able to hear me.” He adds, next. 

“Debatable.” Sammy sighs, watching from a distance as Coley pulls her phone out of her back pocket to call Holton. “What about Jake? You can be on drums and Jake can sing while he plays?” Sam suggests, next, looking at the twins, who glance at one another without speaking. 

JAKE: When Josh and I would get into it during practice, there were often occurrences of him storming out, leaving us with no singer for the remainder of the rehearsal. 

I realized fairly quickly I can sound like him—though of course a bit less rounded and not as safe about it because it’s never been natural for me to be abrasively loud the way it is for him. 

JOSH: Ah, I suppose if you count him coincidentally shouting in a pitchy high C  whilst off-beat then, sure, he can sound somewhat like me if he tries hard enough. 

“No.” Jake refutes the idea of being Josh for a night, already earning enough attention just for playing guitar, and even that is difficult to bear, still. 

 During their first few shows ever, he’d  have to be told to face the audience because he couldn’t stand knowing people were watching him perform…he’s not frontman material and has no desire nor the confidence for it the way Josh does. 

“What about Coley?” Sam asks, next, and the three boys watch as she finally gets her boyfriend on the phone. 

“Hello?” Holton answers hesitantly, knowing his girlfriend is probably less than pleased with him.  

“Hey.” She keeps herself calm, eyeing the rocks under her feet while she paces once again. 

“Hey.” He says back, a moment of silence passing between them before he adds, “Look, I’m sorry, Coley, alright? I just can’t do it tonight.” 

“Holton, what’s going on?” She asks him quietly, her voice shuttering as a freezing breeze blows through her hair, concern lacing her voice while she waits for him to say something. 

“Nothing, really, I just…I don’t know, Coley, I have some thinking to do.” 

“Thinking? Thinking about what, Holton?” She presses, her tone growing impatient, and he sighs out. 

“Just the band, okay? I don't know what to do.” He confesses to her, and she bites into her tongue.

“…Is it possible to think while you’re on your way over here? Tonight is…” She starts and has to let out a deep breath, tears of frustration stinging her eyes as she fights to finish with, “…Look, I know you and Jake don’t get along anymore and maybe you being with us isn’t meant to be a long-term thing, and that’s okay if it’s not—me and you will be fine. It’s just that tonight is a big deal, and it’s really important to us, Holton. It’s really important to me.” She explains to him, glancing at the three guys on the curb, hoping that she won’t have to walk over and tell them that Holton’s not showing. “Just come do this show and then we can all sit down and talk about it tomorrow—but we need you tonight. I need you tonight.”

He weighs his options, not wanting to let his girlfriend down, but genuinely not being struck with excitement by the thought of performing. 

“Tell the guys ‘I’m sorry’, Coley. And that once my foot heals up…” Her eyes close, despondency caused by him being no stranger to her by now. “…I’ll be back at practice and I’ll make the next show.” 

“Your foot’s not hurt, Holton.” She reminds him flatly as if he’s grown to believe his own lie. 

“They don’t know that, alright? Just please, please cover for me this one time.”

This one time. 

It’s a lie that he's told more times than Coley can keep up with. 

“I love you.” He adds. 

“If you loved me you wouldn’t keep doing this to me, Holton. Please, just show up.” She begs him.

There’s too long of a pause, the boy just outright refusing to say anything back to her. 

She doesn’t bother with an “I love you” before she hangs up and looks toward the sky to keep her tears at bay not to ruin her mascara, fanning her face as she mumbles to herself, “You’re okay, it’s okay, it’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.”

The guys are still watching her, unable to hear her but seeing her talking to herself whilst rapidly moving her hands. 

“Is she crying?” Sam asks. 

Josh squints in an attempt to see better before screwing his face up and piping, “Yeah…she’s not singing,” as Coley starts coming toward them. 

None of them speak a word when she sits beside Sam, feeling as though they’ve all been screwed over…

“You can gloat, now, Josh. He isn’t coming. You were right.” She tells him, her throat aching as she forces back more tears. “But he said he’s sorry…even though he’s not because why would he keep doing this if he was?” Scoffing it out, she draws Jake’s attention. 

“Being right all the time blows.” Josh mumbles, rubbing his face. 

“Well, what do we do now?” She asks, next, looking at the three of them. 

“We call it off, I guess.” Jake mutters, already fed up enough for the night, readying to throw in the towel. 

Sammy furrows his brows while looking at his brothers, then at Coley, a beautiful thought coming to mind as he simply says, “Or we call Danny.”

They pause for a moment, looking at him curiously. 

“I mean, he fills in during practice right? We can’t we just get him down here?” 

Jake nearly kicks himself for not thinking of it sooner. 

SAM: I'm not one for singing my own praises, but I think it's fair to say that Greta Van Fleet line-up, as we all know it, is not only the product of Jake's genius and determination, by my quick-thinking and sharp minded nature. And for that, I take full responsibility.

Tammy, Karen and Kelly watch their kids speak amongst themselves with their serious expressions and hand gestures, Karen glancing at Tammy to ask, “…Do you think they already know or do we need to go tell them Holton’s not coming?” 

Tammy sees her daughter dot at the corners of her eyes to avoid ruining her makeup, and she replies, “I think they already know.”

“…If Danny comes, and if he does good, can we please come to an agreement that Holton’s out, and Danny’s in?” Sam asks them, next, tired of the constant uncertainty around their current drummer’s ability to maintain consistency in rehearsals and now gigs. 

He, Jake, and Josh are very obviously on the same wavelength, agreeing in just their eye contact before the three of them look at Coley. 

If this were a conversation an hour ago, she’d be against it completely, going to bat for her boyfriend the best that she could. 

But she feels as though he’s taken a match to whatever was left of a relationship with his bandmates, and she can’t blame them for wanting to shake the bad off and bring in something good. 

“It’s Jake’s band.” She finally states, swallowing the lump in her throat, and looking at him, solely. “If that’s what you want then I want it, too.” It’s added with a small nod and he gently smiles at her before Josh sighs out, “Oh, thank Fuck, she’s seen the light,” and Sam says, “Alright, great, let’s see if mom can get a hold of Lori and get Danny here.”

DANIEL: Me and my family were in Detroit at the time, but immediately dropped everything to be there. I felt like a kid at Christmas, honestly.

That was really all I wanted was to get to play with them, whether it be practicing, or jamming...I never thought I'd actually get to perform with them, and then everything that followed after that was just incredible.

I still don't think I can thank them enough for everything I've gotten to experience and be a part of as an extension of being in the band and getting to make music with them. And it all started with that one phone call.

JAKE: I think the final nail in the coffin wasn't that Holton bailed, again, and Danny showed up...I think it was the fact that Holton bailed, Danny showed up, and then played the songs better than Holton was ever able to...the crowd really appreciated that, and we really appreciated that.

Perhaps it’s all the alcohol involved in the patrons' good time, or the crowd of middle-agers whose favorite rock bands have come and gone, but the feeling of all of them hooping and hollering by the time the band of kids are finished with their set is a stroke to the ego they each feel, glancing at one another with the rattling of adrenaline shaking through them.

It's quite literally lightening in a bottle, buzzing through them with their ringing ears and huge smiles as they collectively think, This could actually work.

A pair of deep bistre eyes seek out stone blue, sharing an infectious smile between one another.

They both take a mental picture of the other, certainly wanting to cling to this memory.

Any bitterness or hard-feelings are momentarily alleviated while basking in the glory of applause.

A swell of giddy pride overtakes her at how genuinely ecstatic he is, purely scintillating under the whistles and cheers and bar lights. 

No longer is Jake the shy kid who wouldn’t even face the crowd at their first shows—standing now like someone whose outstretched hand is on the cusp of reaching the only thing he wants out of this life, getting to do so with his brothers and her by his side.

The first place all of them head after their set is complete, and the bar begins to empty due to closing, is the bathroom.

All four boys are practically shaking with excitement, chattering over one another so incoherently that Coley can't understand half of what they say as she follows them, appearing to be on her way to the ladies room.

She has an ulterior motive, however, watching Jake's wide grin as he slows his pace to look up at Danny and say something that he can't necessarily remember when he glances behind Danny to see Coley looking at him as she steps some feet behind them.

He falls behind the group of guys who walk into the men's room, the door shutting as he waits for her to get to him, about to ask her if something's wrong given the expression on her face, except he's unable to think of anything when she gets to him, her lips finding his, his arms finding her waist, and her back finding the wall of the narrow hallway while they do the one thing they've wanted to do ever since it happened for the first time two nights prior.

COLEY: Who knows, maybe if our old drummer had taken any of it seriously he would've been able to keep up...I vouch the same for our relationship, too.

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@edgeofdarkness @lizzys-sunflower @zooweemama555

[miley1442111]

poached- sydcarmy

a/n: came across this idea by @the-real-bruce-banner and fell in love!!!

please don't read if you have emetophobia!!!!

summary: carmen said some terrible things, can he fix it?

pairing: sydney adamu x carmen berzatto

warnings: mad angst, carmen is so mean, heartbreak, feelings of disappointment, talks of vomiting, no happy ending :(

Carmen slammed the door of the office so hard, he was sure he’d broken it off the hinges. 

It had been a gruelling four weeks. Everyone could see it. Carmen had flown off the handle, again. 

He felt uncontrollable, his life unmanageable, and his restaurant? Broken. 

What was it this time? You may ask. Well, it all started with that damn poacher. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He looked so fucking smug. His nice suit, his expensive glasses, his gucci shoes- in the kitchen of all places. He was supposed to be looking around the kitchen, looking around for a new Chicago restaurant that was meant to be interesting, more of an experience than a meal. But he was paying too much attention to the staff. To Sydney. 

Carmen’s fists balled and the tension in his body rose. Why was she talking to him? She had no reason to. Then again, she had no reason not to. Who was he to stop her? They were meant to be business partners. She could talk to whoever she wanted, he wasn’t her father, nor was he anyone who should dictate her life. 

So why was she talking to that guy? 

“He’s a poacher,” Ritchie puffed out a large cloud of cigarette smoke. “I’ve seen what those guys do. They just sweep in and take your people, just like that.”

Carmen’s blood boiled.

“People like working here, we’re a family. He’s not getting our people.” Fak reassured the both of them. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’d be worried,” One of the new wait staff, Lindsey chuckled as she stamped out her cigarette. “I heard they were offering Chef Sydney her own restaurant.” 

She walked inside as Cramen’s eyes glazed over and his ears started ringing. 

Sydney. Sydney leaving him. Sydney, his Sydney, leaving him. She would go off, she’d be amazing- better than him. She’d made the menu she wanted, not the one he did. She’d call the shots, she could do it too. She did it on opening night. She was more than capable. She was the perfect person for the job. 

Fuck. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late. 1:07 am to be exact. Carmen thought he was the only person left in the building, too busy reading over bills and bank statements, while simultaneously thinking about how he could even try to run the Bear without Sydney. She pushed him to be better, to do better. 

What would he do without getting to see her face in the morning?  

A knock sounded at the door and pulled him from his thoughts. He called ‘it’s open’ without thinking. And there she was. Standing in front of him with her jacket on, and his in hand. 

“Hey,” she smiled softly, he rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah?” He asked, a rude part of him emerging. Sydney was taken aback, why was he speaking to her like this?

“I was just wondering if you wanted to get out of here? I know this place that’s still open now, it’s pretty good-”

“If you want to leave, leave. I don’t need you. Just leave,” Carmen blurted out. Sydney stared at him. The tension in the room grew, Carmen eyes trained on hers, daring her to say something. 

“What?”

“I don’t fucking need you. I don’t fucking want you. Leave.”

He was livid but his voice was unusually calm. 

“Ok, fine,” she scoffed, throwing him his jacket. 

“Don’t come back here. I don’t want to fucking see you again,” he seethed and slammed the door behind her as she nodded, irritation and anger behind her eyes. 

How could she betray him like this? How the fuck did he trust her? 

He vowed to never trust anyone again that night. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four weeks without Sydney. Four weeks of hell. 

The restaurant wasn’t the same, everyone blamed Carmen for leaving, everyone hated him. He hated himself. He was brought out to serve a dish, some bullshit influencer he didn’t care about, but he was willing to put on a brave face and smile for their pictures, when a certain poacher caught his eye. He stalked over, irritation and discomfort clouding his better judgement. 

What was he doing here when he’d already taken the best chef? 

“Good evening sir,” He smiled at Carmen, his ridiculous British accent pulling at a nerve in Carmen’s brain. “Can I help you with something?”

“What are you doing here?” He asked. Point blank, he wanted no bullshit. “You both got what you wanted.” 

“I’m here to enjoy my food, might as well try what I missed out on,” He scoffed. “You have some very loyal people, Berzatto. Even Chef Adamu didn’t take my offer of her own restaurant. It’s such a shame.”

Carmen’s world came crashing down. “What’re you talking about?” “Chef Adamu? She turned down the offer, she stayed, am I correct?” He asked. Carmen didn’t answer. He was too busy trying to get to his office bin in time, before he vomited. He’d fucked up. Sydney didn’t leave him, he’d kicked her out. He’d been so mean. He was fucking horrible to her, and she had wanted to stay. Even after getting kicked out, she didn’t take the offer. 

Fuck. 

Once Carmen stopped spewing his guts into the small office bin under his table, he got up and picked up his damn phone, dialling her number.

Voicemail. Straight to voicemail. 

“H-hey Syd. Look, I-I kn-know I fucked up. I was so s-shitty to you, a-and I deserve to be fucking… I-I don’t even know. I was so fucking arrogant, and fucking rude and just f-fucking m-mean to you. I- I didn’t know what to do. I thought that you were l-leaving me and I-I just went into fucking a-autopilot, I was a total ass and I’m trying to say I’m sorry.” He went quiet for a full minute, his brian finally slowing down. “I’m sorry.” 

“This user has blocked you.” Read in the chat between the two of them. 

His voicemail wouldn’t send. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that brings us to now, slamming the door so hard it probably broke. 

He’d really fucked up. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[coolbanana44]

Picture Perfect Ch. 1 - C.L

AN: Hi guys this is chapter one of a series I am starting. I've always wanted to do this and I wanted it to be perfect so thats why it took awhile. Expect another chapter at the end of the week as I am starting to write it as we speak. If you enjoyed the first chapter please like it and even reach out as it is very motivating for me to see that you guys enjoy my writing! Love you guys!

Summary: This is a story of Y/N, Ferrari's new photographer. As the season goes on it seems like she is more than that to a certain driver.

I was never known for being an overly extroverted and social person. I was the type of person who never was seen and I was okay with that. I liked being in the background, observing people and trying to read them. That’s why I loved being a photographer. My face covered by the camera and taking pictures of everything around me. It started out when I got a polaroid one Christmas. I remember running around taking pictures of my family and seeing the photos develop and come alive. I liked looking at their expressions, some smiling and some annoyed with a little girl stuffing a camera in their face. I realized a picture can capture a small look into people's emotions, what they are thinking in the moment and from then on I was hooked.  

And now I am here, in Bahrain. When I applied for the job as a photographer for Ferrari I never thought I would actually get it. It was a dare from my friend Lindsey. She knew how much I loved Formula One and always dreamed of taking pictures of the cars and drivers. But she also knew I was scared of taking a leap of faith. So she said if I applied and got the job she would ask the barista she has a crush on out on a date.

 Stepping into the paddock I was overwhelmed. So many people, people I have only seen on TV before. I was somewhat excited as this was my dream, but nervous of screwing this up. As I was about to move I heard a voice from behind me. 

“Y/N?” I turned around to see a middle-aged man. Decked out in Ferrari gear and a camera adorned around his neck. 

“Hi I’m Amelio, I was told to give you a tour around and show you the ropes.” I just smiled and nodded my head. 

As we were walking around he started talking about the job and the expectations. I tried paying attention, but when you see Toto Wolf on a scooter your mind starts to focus on that. We soon made it to the Ferrari motorhome and as we were about to step inside, Amelio looked at his phone.

“Uhh I have to go, I promise I will be right back, it won’t take me more than five minutes!” And before I could say anything he walked away. 

Great, now I am all alone. I started fiddling with the camera, adjusting the settings and taking a couple of practice pictures of the building in front of me to make sure everything looks right. 

“Excuse me?” I jumped at the voice beside me. I turn to see the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Jawline chiseled by the greek gods, mesmerizing sea green eyes, tanned flawless skin. I haven’t been living under a rock so I know that this man is Charles Leclerc and before my brain can process that information, he reaches out and touches my shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” He looked at me all concerned. 

“Oh no don’t worry about it.” I said calmly (which surprised me). He takes his hand off my shoulder and holds out his hand for me to shake, I smile and gladly accept. 

“I’m Charles.” He laughed, probably seeing how in awe I am in.

“Y/N.” I snap out of it. He drops his hand and for some reason I find myself craving more of his touch. 

“Are you the new photographer? I haven’t seen you before and I would sure remember a pretty face like yours.” The blush on my cheeks must be evident because he smirks at my reaction. 

“Yea I am. Amelio was about to give me a tour around the motorhome but he had to go somewhere.” I have never had someone compliment me before, so I am amazed with my confidence in being able to hold eye contact or even speak.

“I can give you a tour if you like?” He gives me a charming smile. I am hesitant to say sure because I don’t know if my heart can take being next to this man for another minute. But at the same time Charles' presence is intoxicating so I let out a breath and say sure. 

He leads me through the motorhome telling me which rooms are for what, introducing me to some of the engineers and mechanics. He even started asking me questions like where are you from? What made me want to become a photographer? Just random things. At first I kept my answers short but he was comfortable to be around and I let my guard down. At times like now Charles' hand would occasionally brush past my waist as we were so close and I would get distracted by his warm touch, and I would start fantasizing what his hands would feel like around me…. 

“Y/N? You okay?” That instantly snapped me back to reality.

“Uhhhh.. Yea… sorry I kinda spaced out a bit.” I looked down trying to hide the heat rising to my cheeks. He chuckles at my shyness. 

“Do you think you will be okay by yourself? I have to meet with the engineers and then I have to focus on the race.” I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He was easy to talk to (and easy on the eyes), he was comforting. If he saw me starting to get overwhelmed he would redirect our conversation and I was grateful for that. I simply just gave him a nod. 

“Thank you for the tour. I enjoyed it.” I turn to fully look at him. That's when I realized how close we were. Only a couple of inches apart due to the confined space. So close that I could feel his breath on my cheek. He seemed to realize our position too as he grew red. His blushing caused me to have a pit in my stomach, a good kind. 

“Hey um.. After the race a couple of the drivers were talking about going to the club for the start of the season. You are more than welcome to come.” Normally I would say no. I was never the kind of girl to go out and get sweaty and drunk with strangers, but Charles was the one asking me and I wanted to spend more time with him. 

“Sure.” He looked taken back by my response, probably expecting me to say no. 

“Great! It's the rock bar club and we are going to be there at nine. I can drive you if you like.” I couldn’t help but have my eyes go wide. 

“No… no it's okay.” I said a little too quickly. It’s not like I don’t want him to drive me, I just let my mind spiral. Like what if someone got a photo of us in the car? I don’t want people to start to notice me and then have to deal with the aftermath. But the look on his face when I turned his offer down was making me rethink my decision. 

“Oh..okay. Well I’ll see you later then. It was nice meeting you Y/N.” The look of disappointment turned into a warm smile. And then he was off and I was stuck there thinking about what I have gotten myself into.  

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

You destroyed me (when all I did was love you) (Emily Sonnett x Reader)

This is a bit different to what I normally write. I like happy endings, I like writing happy endings, but my world is falling apart so this time there isn't one. Hope you enjoy this anyway.

Words: 1.5K

Part 2

"You cheated on me."

It was like a slap to the face that Emily would accuse me of something like that. She was the person that I wanted to spend my life with. Emily was the only person I wanted, I loved her more than anyone would ever know. I had never even thought about anyone else since I met her. I had planned on proposing to her tonight, "What are you talking about? Emily I would never do that, you know that."

Emily scoffed, "Don't fucking deny it Y/n. They saw you with him, they saw you holding hands, kissing him for fuck sakes."

"Emily, I didn't cheat on you, I would never cheat on you. I love you."

She stepped back when I reached for her, tears welling in her eyes, "I can't do this Y/n. Just go."

Tears started to for in my own eyes, the fear of losing her making it hard to breath, "Em-"

"I said go!"

Reluctantly, I walked out. Deciding it was better to give her space right now. Instead I decided to go find the team and figure out what the fuck happened that caused this. Looking at the time, it was likely they were all at lunch. So I took a minute to compose myself before heading to the meal room. All the conversations silenced as I walked in, glares being thrown my way. 

"What did you say to her?" Everyone ignored me, "Tell me what you fucking told her, now!"

Kelley pushed her chair out loudly, storming up to me until we were practically chest to chest. She always was protective over Emily, "We told her the truth. That we saw you with someone else. You cheated on her Y/n, did you really expect us to keep that from her?"

I took a deep breath, calming myself as my anger rose. It wasn't necessarily their fault, they just could have handle it slightly better. If they had just come to me first, it wouldn't have gotten to this far, "And what exactly did you see?"

"You all over a guy, in the middle of a café, like you didn't even care if you got seen."

It clicked who they had seen. My twin sister and her boyfriend. I hadn't thought to tell them that they were around the area for the weekend, "You seriously think I would cheat on her? Let alone with a guy. You didn't see me."

"We saw you!"

"No you didn't!" I pulled up a picture of me, my sister and her boyfriend, holding it out for them to see, "You saw her. If you had just taken a second to talk to me instead of running straight to Emily, this could have been avoided."

Kelley took a step back, face softening, "Y/n.."

"Don't, I have to go try save my relationship." I ran up the stairs to mine and Emily's room, not hesitating to go straight in. Emily was it for me, she was the person I loved most in this world, I wouldn't let her go without a fight. 

My heart shattered when I opened the door. A sight greeted me that made me want to be sick. All I could do was stand and stare as I watched Emily on top of Lindsey, her lips attached to Emily's neck, Emily's head thrown back. It felt like the world came tumbling down around me. I wanted to yell, scream, cry, anything, but all I could do was watch. The door slammed behind me, making the two of them jump apart. Emily's eyes widened slightly, Lindsey's following suit as they scrambled further apart.

"Y/n," Lindsey said carefully, but my focus was on Emily. The girl I thought would be my forever, the girl I had grown up with, the girl I trusted with everything. The girl that had just shattered my heart into pieces that would likely never be able to be fixed. 

My voice was calm as I spoke. A bad sign to anyone who knew me, "I guess I know how much I actually meant to you."

"You cheated on me first," Emily replied, trying to sound confident, but her voice faltered.  

"No I didn't. The girls didn't see me, they saw Maya with Andy. You know my sister? The one that looks exactly like me."

I watched as Emily's face fell as she realised what had happened. She stepped forward, but I just stepped back. If she touched me, I would break completely. If she touched me, I would go back to her, but I would never trust her again. I would never be able to kiss or touch her without seeing Lindsey's mouth and hands on her. Constantly worried that if something happened again, then she would run to someone else. I couldn't live like that.

"Y/n I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This didn't mean anything, I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. I lov-"

"Don't. If you loved me, you would never have even thought I would cheat on you, with a guy of all people. You never would have allowed someone else to touch you regardless of what you thought happened. I trusted you Emily, I trusted you with the parts of me that no one else ever saw, I trusted you with my heart. My heart which you just ripped into pieces that can never be fixed. All I ever did was love you, I would have done anything for you. I was going to ask you to marry me tonight, all I wanted was to spend my life with you, but you destroyed me Emily. I can't do this anymore. We are done Emily. I'll send your stuff back to you."

Without another word I packed my stuff and walked out, ignoring Emily's pleads and Lindsey's apologies. Coach gave me permission to skip the rest of camp so I decided to go home. I knew everything there would remind me of her, but it was better then here. The rest of the team were leaving the meal room as I entered the lobby. They stopped when they saw my bags, "What happened? Where are you going? If Emily didn't believe you, we can talk to her."

"Emily and I are done. She has Lindsey now."

"We're sorry Y/n."

I didn't blame the team, they were only doing what they thought was right. It wasn't their fault that Emily had jumped straight into bed with Lindsey. I just couldn't be around Emily, maybe one day, but not right now, "I'll see you guys soon."

I walked out of the hotel, throwing my bags in my car before turning to throw the ring box in the water. It wasn't something I wanted to hold onto anymore. Just as I was about to get in the car,  a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I turned around to find Christen and Tobin, the only two people that hadn't been apart of this. They had been out, having a lunch date. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Why? What happened? Where's Em-"

"Don't say her name. We're done. She can tell you what happened. I can't be here anymore."

Christen pulled me into a hug, one that I accepted gratefully. She has always been my bestfriend. I don't know if I'll ever be okay again, be able to open myself up to anyone like I had with her, but I knew I had them so one day I might be okay. I pulled away, wiping the tears that had escaped.

It was a 2 hour drive back to my house in LA, but I was already thinking about all the ways I wouldn't make it back. All the ways I could end the pain that was radiating through every part of my being. I didn't want to die, but the pain was overwhelming. If they hadn't shown up, I don't know what I would have done. "Can you drive me home? I don't think I can without doing something stupid, but I can't be here anymore." 

"Of course I will Y/n." Tobin ended up driving as I curled into Christen in the back seat, tears falling as sobs ripped through me. Christen held me tightly without a word, hand rubbing my back until the sobs died down and only the occasional sniffles remained. I knew Christen was texting the team to find out what happened, but I didn't care. I couldn't bring myself to explain what happened. 

Christen wouldn't let me go home, not after she found out what happened, not when she knew that everything would remind me of Emily. So I ended up at her apartment, cuddled between them in bed. Christen had decided she was going to stay with me despite my protests that she would be missing camp. She wouldn't take no as an answer though, claiming that a few days wouldn't cause any harm. I knew it was bullshit, there was still at least a week left of camp. 

One of the girls was going to pick Tobin up tomorrow morning. She had offered to stay as well, but I had managed to get her to reluctantly agree to go back. It was bad enough that Christen was missing camp just for me. It eased the pain just a tiny bit knowing that Christen and Tobin had my back no matter what. I eventually fell into a restless sleep, comforted by the warmth provided by Christen and Tobin while still wishing it was Emily instead. It would never be her again though. 

[magpie-trove]

October Reads

Wishtress • Nadine Brandes | everybody clap I finally finished Wishtress it only took me *checks watch* three years. Overall it would have been pretty mid to me except I loved the aesthetic, the audiobook narrators had fascinating accents, and there’s one part at the end that broke me and rearranged me a little. Those three things were good. There were maybe other things and maybe more specific criticisms but I forgot them

How Lovely the Ruins • Annie Chagnot & Emi Ikkanda | poetry anthology, I wished it had been a little more on theme. There were a few good ones in it though

Women in the Valley of the Kings • Kathleen Sheppard | non fiction about the women in early Egyptology. Either there was a statistically improbable concentration of lesbians running around Egypt or the author kept mistaking the way Edwardian women wrote affectionately to each other as romantic overtures, not sure. She also seemed to want to acknowledge the flaws in Egyptology while saying that the women in it were less bad than the men though because they were also overlooked victims. But ma’am. These women are smuggling a mummy in their cabin. And they threw it out the window cause it smelled bad. MA’AM. However. I did enjoy learning about the women involved in Egyptological development and she picked a good variety of them working in different departments and positions that were crucial but overlooked.

The Flight of the Swans • Sarah McGuire | i looooove you <333333 she got redemptive suffering good good good YA six swans retelling

The Patron Thief of Bread • Lindsey Eager [2/3] | EXCELLENT middle grade fiction. It’s a little slow which can be good but my brain got bogged down in the middle and I was going to have to return it soon so I skimmed the second third and read the whole last third and the writing is beautiful the story is beautiful good good good

Who Could That Be At ThisHour • Lemony Snicket | this is like if Humphrey Bogart was thirteen and nobody understood him because he didn’t want them to. It’s got sentences so polished I can see the plot in them but only when it wants me to. It’s got deep character connections you feel with just three details attributed to them. What can I say. I was having a pretty good time in the middle grade film noir parody. I do recommend.

Poetry for Young People: Edgar Allen Poe | just wanted to reread the Raven and a bit of the Fall of Usher with pictures :) if that’s what ur looking for this is the book for you

Call Me Iggy • Jorge Aguirre | YA graphic novel about a Colombian immigrant family. The son starts getting love and Spanish class advice from his Grandpa’s ghost. I liked the art.

Pride • Ibi Zoboi | YA Pride and Prejudice retelling about classism/gentrification in the Bronx. I think it could have had insightful things to say about P&P but I also think it would have been better if it weren’t P&P. Those were its weakest elements, plus I personally didn’t enjoy the voodoo spiritism awakening stuff going on in some parts. But the writing was well done and it was full of such palpable love for a neighborhood that I sobbed at the end about it.

A Pictorial History of Sea Monsters • James B Sweeney | yeessssssssssss a fun silly old nonfiction book I found at the library that just goes through and talks about various sea monster sightings from log books. Very fun, I skipped the second half which is real animal facts only because the book was from like the 80’s and definitely not up to date, but it was a fun read.

The Perilous Gard • Elizabeth Pope | retelling of Tam Lin in the Elizabethan era. WHAT an atmosphere, what a story, what a time!!!! Loved it. Was side-eyeing a few parallels she seemed to be making (was she? tying Queen Mary to the scary pagan human sacrifice goddess fairy queen? did seem kind of like it which is hm. tastes a little bad but I’m going to pretend I do not see it.) the faith & fairy worldview integration should go in a book about non human status in a Christian worldview.

The Secret Lives of Booksellers and Librarians • James Patterson and Matt Eversmann | we all know James Patterson didn’t touch this except for the two paragraph intro you can all stop kissing up to him in your essays ok. But it was a quick easy read full of love. Did get a wee bit repetitive by the end, but overall I had fun thinking about books and libraries <3

Bea Wolf • Zach Weinersmith | Zach Weinersmith the hero that you are for using proper or proper enough Old English poetical devices throughout your entire Goonies-esque graphic novel of Beowulf for kids <333333333