#but thats stupid and really i just need to get this out of my system

[fvckednddistvrbed]

.

[the-trans-dragon]

It *does* hurt that I got let go without any warning (even if I knew it was a possibility, especially since it's the slow season now and they're specifically replacing half of my department with other stuff) *because* I've been looking for other jobs with the plan to do a full two-weeks notice when I found one, and I've been secretly planning this entire time to eventually leave, making things as neat and easy as possible for whoever ends up overseeing my department. I didn't want any of the extra work to fall on my coworkers, the other department managers who have their own workloads. So it really sucks that higher-ups decided that I didn't deserve any warning, and neither did any of my teammates who will now have to pick up all the slack without any guidance from me.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[transbee]

having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.

[6mayhem]

idk why it makes me so mad genuinely i started off as "hey cool stay in your corner of the internet and don't follow me" but then i realized literally just venting about the shit that's plaguing me made my dash full of people ENCOURAGING IT and it's like. hey you ever think like. how there's such a thing as an algorithm. a thing that, you know. wouldn't be an issue if you bit the bullet and made an account on a dedicated forum. like it's not that damn hard. i'm the biggest forum promoter haha like i know mpa is criticized heavily and there's studies on it blabla and people think it's "the more terrifying underground of proana culture" (especially with its former name literally being...that. Lol) but let me be real. it's not. it's not scary, or extreme, or an echo chamber as many claim. there's so many different people on there, there's recovered people, people who have been struggling for literal decades, underweight, overweight, and most of all: it's regulated. there's rules against bullying and encouraging that are not at all as limiting as they sound. it promotes a healthier mindset. it promotes harm reduction without banning you from talking about harming yourself. i made so many big steps towards recovery since ditching ed social media undergrounds. and you might think, that sounds fucking boring and not what i want, and hey, that's cool, but maybe consider how your actions may be harming others, then. bite the bullet, man. be in a community that's made with you in mind where you don't have to hide in your stupid ednotsheeran pr04n4 whatever whatever butterfly emoji tags. you'll be smarter for it

i have to blog so many bitches because no one ever heard of the concept of social media responsibility

[venomhoundfanworks]

Hazbin Hotel - Handkerchief Headcanons

The rat in my brain was overclocking on its wheel about the Hazbin guys and their potential handkerchiefs after watching some historical romance. Then I had the existential realization that I am probably the singular cancerous overlap between Hazbin Hotel and actual historical fiction. So I have to do these myself I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(also huge thanks to @heart-of-the-morningstar for beta reading the Lucifer section; I love you boo-boo, MWUAH)

My other work can be found on my masterlist >>HERE<<

Hyperfixated rant pretending to be a history lesson and headcanons below the cut -ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

*gently taps pointer on desk then smashes it against whiteboard*

HERE IS A HISTORY LESSON FOR YOU NERDS ABOUT HANDKERCHIEFS AND HANDKERCHIEF FLIRTING.

First off, I need to say I AM NOT talking about the Handkerchief Code. This is a form of LGBTQ+ signaling that many falsely say started in the 1970s (thats just when it first became 'mainstream', its much MUCH older then that).

Handkerchiefs have been used for flirting for literal centuries. There is so much history to them that I cannot possibly hope to cover. The Victorians even had an entire body language system dedicated to them. These are basically just historical highlights or things specifically related to this post.

Alright. So before the 1960s (when handkerchiefs finally went out of style) EVERYONE had one. Disposable tissues weren't even invented until 1924!

Needless to say, pre 1920s, open flirting (especially by a woman) was frowned upon. So handkerchiefs became a main method of doing so.

Im sure yall have seen the infamous 'lady dropping her handkerchief in front of a guy she likes' move in movies or tv. This is because a woman used to not be allowed to talk to a man she was not introduced to first. So by dropping her handkerchief in front of a guy she wants to talk to, this gives the guy an opening to pick up the handkerchief, give it back to her, and introduce himself. Thereby making them acquainted.

Because everyone had a goddamn handkerchief, if a woman is crying, as a man, you would only offer her your own handkerchief if your courting her, her lover, or actually related to her. Otherwise you would just say 'dry your tears' because she got her own stupid handkerchief. If you were none of those things and still gave a woman your handkerchief, WOOF, that was forward of you. You just did the Victorian equivalent of an unsolicited dick pic.

Lovers would often exchange handkerchiefs as tokens. Usually with their names or initials embroidered on the handkerchief. Men would openly wear these, usually tucked into a pocket or hat brim, with the initials showing as a way of bragging about their lady.

Although there are stories of womanizers who would have entire hat brims stuffed with a rainbow of handkerchiefs as a way of bragging about their conquests (and all the broken hearts they left behind).

Friends would also sometimes exchange handkerchiefs but this was really only in specific circumstances and I don't want to get into the weeds on that. Just keep in mind that it CAN be a friendship thing too.

Also for long distance couples (or just general weirdos) it was common for them to send their lovers a handkerchief scented with their perfume/cologne.

Im only telling you this fact because there is a really funny story about Elizabeth the first. She attended a tennis match between two men who were attempting to court her (pun not intended). In the middle of the match, one of the men walked over to Elizabeth, asked for her handkerchief, and used it to wipe the sweat from his face (scenting it). The other man was so offended by this action that he fucking jumped the first guy and a fistfight ensued. When the second guy was asked why he attacked the first, he said the handkerchief wipe was 'too saucy'. I cackle every time I think about this.

ALRIGHT. Now the history lesson is over and you have a general idea of handkerchief flirting. In my unprofessional opinion, the Hazbin guys who carry around handkerchiefs are; Alastor, Sir Pentious, Vox, and Lucifer (technically)

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Lucifer ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

I say technically Lucifer because he has a really bad habit of just forgetting about it or leaving it in random places. Guy will reach in his pocket for it, realize its not there, and be like 'oh no NOT AGAIN'.

He has a stash of them in his room and workshop. He also will carry around like two or three of them when he goes out because he KNOWS he is gonna lose at least one of them.

Lucifer's handkerchief is super fancy. Its made out of pure red silk (he likes the texture), with fancy white lace edges. A giant Morningstar family crest is embroidered in the center in golden thread.

I headcanon that Lucifer has always been a shut in and rarely, if ever, goes out. But when he does, this guy is super gracious with his handkerchiefs (he does carry around several after all!). Like, to the point its an actual problem.

Lucifer will see a girl crying and offer her his handkerchief without a second thought. Goes right over his head that its a little weird to give your handkerchief to a stranger and extremely flirty to give it to someone at all.

Has 100% started fights or accidentally made people fall for him because he didn't realize the message he was sending. I also just generally headcanon that shit like this (Lucifer being a social dumbass) is a big reason he hates Sinners.

An example: from Lucifer's POV, a guy just randomly started attacking him for comforting a lady; when from the guy's POV, Lucifer, the King of Hell, just came onto his guy's wife when she was emotionally vulnerable. But Lucifer being an idiot is another post >.<

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Vox ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Although he was at the tail end of the handkerchief times; Vox still has one personally and sees it as a sign of being a proper gentleman. Or at least he says thats why he has one...

Vox normally keeps it hidden on the inside of his suit jacket though because he doesn't want to deal with random people asking about it or trying to get it. The other two Vees aren't exactly pleasant about it either.

Valentino constantly tries to steal it as a joke, he will 100% start waving it at Vox like a maiden sending their beloved off to war while playing keep away with it (Valentino says stupid shit while doing this too; like "Oh my beloved Vox! You've come to save me from this wretched boredom that has befallen me!"). Of course this is when Valentino isn't using it as a towel to clean up messes of various bodily fluids and nebulous origin that is. (Vox has opted to burn multiple handkerchiefs due to this)

Velvette just thinks its the funniest thing and makes fun of Vox so hard when she sees it. Who carries around handkerchiefs anymore? Isnt that unsanitary? What does a computer need a handkerchief for anyway? Does he sniff it or something? She will not let up.

So yeah, hidden in the pocket it goes. Honestly, Vox will only take it out if you two have become good friends or he has a major crush on you. Otherwise he will just throw a tissuebox at you.

But no matter if you two are platonic or romantic, if you accept his handkerchief and keep it, Vox is guaranteed to stutter and glitch a bit. The fact that you didn't make fun of him and actually want to keep a personalized item from his time just gives him butterflies.

For how flashy the Vees tend to be, your surprised Vox has such a pleasingly monochrome handkerchief. Its a beautiful azure blue with his Voxtech symbol embroidered in the corner in a dark cobalt. Made of pure cotton for optimal handkerchief efficiency because of course it is.

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Sir Pentious ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Highkey one of the first germaphobes. Due to, you know, being alive in the time of plague and all.

Like Lucifer, he has a million handkerchiefs. But in Sir Pentious' case, its because he can't help but be polite and give one to his friends when they are sick or crying... and then burn/destroy them right after if they give it back.

Sir Pentious actually has two sets of handkerchiefs. The main ones are simple handkerchiefs made out of patterned cotton-blend fabric. That way they can be mass produced by the Egg Bois and still look nice. These are the ones he carries several sets of and gives out freely.

Be warned: sometimes the Egg Bois like to put their own names on them for fun. So you may end up with a relatively nice red and black plaid handkerchief with a very poorly embroidered 'STANLY' on it in neon green.

The other handkerchief type is his actual personal one. Its black and yellow striped with Sir Pentious' full name embordered along the bottom in a light gray. With how nice the embroidery is, you figure he must have done it himself.

Like I implied before, Sir Pentious is very protective of his handkerchief and doesn't give it to anyone. He normally just gives them his throwaway ones because he is afraid of germs and getting sick.

One of the first ways Sir Pentious tried to show Cherri Bomb his interest was offering his actual handkerchief to her. It was a super big deal to him. Cherri, not understanding the significance/meaning of the gesture, proceeded to blow her nose in it and give it right back.

Needless to say, the Egg Bois were quick to set fire to it

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Alastor ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Alastor has a handkerchief. But he wont offer it to you. Nope. Not ever. Not as a flirting gesture, not even as a friend. Your not getting it.

There is a reason for this though; its because Alastor technically doesn't carry his own handkerchief. He actually carries around the handkerchief belonging to his late mother.

The handkerchief is practically ancient at this point. The just sheer amount of washing and general use it has gone through has worn nearly all color away from it. Most people falsely believe it to be a classic, white handkerchief. But when the light hits it right you can see hints of the vibrant color it once had.

Alastor's mother's initials are also hand embroidered in the corner. Since Rosie is the only one privy to the actual origin of the handkerchief; usually people falsely assume it to be a token from a lover and a sign that Alastor is already taken.

Alastor actually loves this because it helps ward off unwanted advances. He will totally pull it out and fake wipe his face with it as a subtle way to tell a lady to back off him.

He is super protective of it and delicately hand washes it himself. Alastor wont even let Niffty touch the thing. You get the feeling that it serves as some kind of weird security blanket for the stag.

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AN: This took wayyy longer to release then I meant it to because its the first writing thing Ive put on here and Im anxious about it aaahhh. Ive reread it like 12 times and I still guarantee I missed things OH WELL

[foxtail-1311]

Top Trans Tape Tips

Hello!!! I am a transmasc system who binds using TransTape for health reasons.

A couple reasons why I love TransTape:

Doesn’t use compression! I have chronic chest pain due to severe anxiety, so adding a binder on top of that causes Issues.

Can be worn for a while! Although previous sources suggested 2 weeks, I’ve also seen 3-4 days. Really, you can tell when the fraying gets bad

No need to take it off to sleep or exercise or swim!

Okay, with that out of the way

DISCLAIMER

I have a small chest! These tips are based on my own experience, so they might not be helpful for people trying to bind with larger chests! Also this is not an ad! Also also I’ve been binding consistently for around 2 months, which is not a ton and really only enough to kind of know what I’m doing. Also I have only used TransTape brand, but there are others out there that might work differently

So, my tips for TransTape

Find the method that works best for you. It sounds stupid and it sucks because there’s not a ton out there on different methods, but trust. I read about lying down while applying and my life literally changed. There are tons of different graphics out there for different tape patterns to maximize flatness. Do some research

Brand name oil is expensive and stupid. Baby oil, mineral oil, or any other oil works just as well. HOWEVER!!!! do NOT skip on oil use

i generally use 2 pieces, though i probably only need 1. i do one across and one vertical down my chest, so the fat is pressed out and down

TRY YOUR TAPE DIRECTIONS WITH HANDS FIRST!!!! if it hurts with your hands it will hurt with tape!!!!!!!!! you can and will get pain in the middle of your chest

once the tape is down, it is down. each time you remove it to adjust it, it sticks less well to your skin

dont stick it to your armpit hair. i do this every time and it always hurts.

Not a tip but something everybody needs to understand:

trans tape will not make you 100% flat. it just won’t. good news: even titless people aren’t 100% flat. a masc-cut shirt and some confidence will do the rest for you. it sucks sometimes but you just gotta know that.

anyway

heres a bonus spreadsheet i made. its all us-based because thats where i live and i made this for me to reference, but here yall go anyway!!! if anyone has other brands/links, feel free to send em to me!!

[firemenenthusiast]

the tag is so cute but lmk if this works cs the post is still up 💔

https://x.com/SexualLoverz/status/1778850070810542313

basicalky tho shes riding his face while hes cuffed n all, i can go into more detail if it doesnt work js lmk x

shout out to stacie for the request ! (and for waiting for a damn long time for me to write, im sorry 😭)

—“influence”

sub!kai x reader

summary: based on the link above (account got suspended btw), kai is a dumbass who is easily influenced by zac who’s NOT a good person 🤯

warnings: 18+, smut, p link, sub!kai, no actual penetration, face sitting, face riding, cunnilingus, name calling (bitch & slut) 😢, cumming in pants, restraints (m! receiving)

a/n: guess who’s back LMAOOO guys uni is no joke im getting my ass beat

hate’s maybe too strong of a word to describe your dislike towards zac but everything he does pisses you off. it’s like theres physically a bad bone in his body navigating him in making stupid and evil decisions. like telling kai to stop others from taking the blue, resulting in chaos on the ship since richard’s no longer here to keep things in line. he was also the one who thought it was a good idea to have a party, celebrating god knows what, eating and wasting every resources you guys had on the ship.

he was also the reason the ship’s data room got destroyed and everyone had to clean up after him. the ship’s up and running again now, thanks to christopher. but the reason you hate zac is because he’s such a bad influence to kai. you couldn’t blame kai for the things he’d done, he wouldn’t have done them if it wasn’t because zac told him to.

maybe he just felt like that was his calling, like he had a purpose on that ship, leading him to do everything zac told him to eventho they’re stupid. in reality he’s more than that, he’s actually really smart, and good with electricals. he’s also really nice to you, it’s just that he tends to do the stupid things zac tells him to do because he thinks he’s not good enough. he needs to feel like he’s important, which is why he never wanna leave your side. you make him feel special, and needed. between that and the lack of blue in his system, he had grown to be really clingy with you. and his needs, his certain needs, now washing over him like a big perpetual confusing wave

you hear his stalking steps behind, following you through the ominous hall connecting the working quarters to your dorms. he’s been after your back all day, and now he’s even sniffing the trail of scent you left behind. “you smell good” he starts, throwing his head back while dragging his hands down his face. he is getting ridiculous. now he’s sniffing you around like an animal ? “did you shampoo ?” he continues, making you halt your steps for a moment to take his dumb words in before continuing to walk. shaking your head in disbelief that you’re responding to his question, “they sent me the new ones to sample so yeah, earlier” you explain, telling him about the new shampoo they’ve formulated, experimenting with improved ingredients from the lab. “can you stop for a moment ? where are you going anyways ?” he hasten his steps behind you, pondering on how are you walking so fast. before you know it he manages to quickly grab your hand and intertwine his fingers with yours. now that you’re forced to stop, you turn and raise your chin to look at him, who’s grinning.

“i need to report back to them, kai”

“what ? like now ?”

“yes, now”

“they can wait”

moving the strand of hair out of your face, you sigh at him. looking up at him through your lashes, your face clearly unamused. “no kai, unlike you who clearly has nothing better to do they’re actually working and contributing to the ship” you squint your eyes as you say that, making him take a step back to scoff at you. if only he could channel this newfound energy or hormones on something else, he would’ve actually made a difference. like maybe fixing and updating your database thats turning obsolete from how ancient it is, or come out with a new security system. that would’ve made you drool over him, even reward with after a hard day of doing men’s job. instead, he’s been chasing you around the ship all day since yesterday, snooping up your ass, waiting as you do chores hoping to get in your pants. like you said, it’s the lack of blue

you gesture your hand around signalling that you’re done here if he doesn’t have anything else to say, too tired of him to even roll your eyes. he’s frustrated to say the least, confused with his own neediness, struggling to navigate the feelings. he could’ve just gone to any other girls on the ship, they’ll gladly let him into their dorms but he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want them. what the both of you have is something sacred to him that he refuses to jeopardise. even so, you’re starting to give him blue balls, he’s wondering how can you be so composed, as you’ve also stopped taking the blue while he’s sweating and fidgeting. “go find something useful to do kai, leave me alone”. it’s not like you’re mad at him, but it hasn’t been long since the last time you gave in because of his pleas.

“why are you being such a bitch ? zac’s right, girls are fucking difficult” kai’s towering over you, letting go of your hands. he almost gave up when you start walking away before he continues his petty tantrum. “you act like you’re sooo important, always doing this and that, acting like you don’t want me” you’ve turned your heels away from him long ago, ignoring his silly words that are far from insults. you were about to block his voice out of your hearing before you hear him, “walk away all you want but we both know you were begging for my cock like a slut” you’re lucky the hallways empty or else anyone could’ve heard him easily. his last words flicked a switch inside your head, making you turn around to quickly stomp towards him. he can’t be serious.

he could’ve accepted and just walk away like a man but decided to act like a bitch instead, whining around that you wouldn’t let him get his dick wet. you reach over for his shirt, pulling him by fisting the fabric on his chest, your bodies almost colliding. you can feel his warm breath fanning over you as he falls quiet and his face drops. “you’re so fucked, kai” you say as you start dragging him by his shirt, walking across the hallway before taking a turn towards his dorm. he struggles to follow your steps with you pulling him forward, forcing him to bend a little. he almost trips over multiple times on the ship’s floor. as you stop in front of his dorm, you push him forward, he almost stumble over his feet. “unlock it” you order him, to which he quietly obeys, pressing his code into the lock display.

you push him inside quickly before locking the door behind you to avoid anyone noticing. after making sure it’s just the both of you, you step forward, making him step back before his heels hit the side of his bed in the small compound. he’s forced to sit as you settle between his legs, his head tilted upwards to look at you, too scared to look away. “im so tired of you running your mouth,” you begin, lifting your hand to cup his cheek, smoothing your thumb over his clear skin. he’s starting to regret the things he said to you, nervous anticipating what’s going to happen now that he’s pissed you off. “do you think you’re better than me ?” you ask him softly, waiting for his answer patiently as you can clearly see him keeping in his answer, his eyes trailing somewhere else. moving your fingers over his lips, you play with them, gently pulling at the bottom one. you smile at him.

“so you do think you’re better ?” before he could give you any response, you thrust your index and middle finger pass his lips, pushing down on his tongue. “you’re pretty, kai,” you say, as you thrust your fingers further. “but sometimes you can be such a bitch” your fingers are now slotted snug against his tongue, he struggles to keep himself from gagging as his eyes are becoming glossy, small tears pooling at the corners. he shuts his eyes for a moment before shaking his head, he tries to make out something but they’re mumbled because of your fingers. you coo at him before retracting them and cupping his cheek. he’s short of breath yet wastes no time, “m’sorry” you shake your head, giving him a look before firmly tapping his cheeks with your saliva covered fingers. traces of spit sticks onto his face as you push him down by his head, his hand grabbing at your wrist.

you quickly push your pants down with your free hand before quickly getting on top of him on the bed. he’s starting to smirk from seeing you sitting pant-less on him, thinking that you still gave in after all. he raises his hands to place them on your waist, before even starting to rub at your exposed thighs. you smile at him as you take his hands, guiding and placing them on your covered tits, earning a soft small moan from him. he’s happily kneading at the soft flesh as you reach over beside the bed, where there are drawers. you pull out one of them to fish out something before placing it over his hands, zip tying them together swiftly.

he was too caught up in the feeling, eyes closed and all to notice what you’re doing. he looks as if he’s panicking, trying to break the zip tie off but the friction’s hurting his wrists. “fuck- i said i was sorry ?” he lets out, his bent knees moving around and hitting the wall. you let out a sigh looking at him, as he returns a wide eyed look at you, hoping for you to take the zip tie off. “please baby ?” he tries again, before you move over him, your knees settling on each side of his head, your pussy hovering right above his face. “don’t baby me”.

you couldn’t be bothered to look at him as you run your hands through his tight curls, tugging slightly at the roots before settling all of your weight on his face, his mouth open to take your pussy. just as he flattens his tongue to lap up your juices he lets out a hummed moan, the vibration sending chills down your spine. you tighten your grab on his roots, making him hum, his tied hands behind you flailing around, tortured that he doesn’t get to feel you. one thing kai is if he’s not anything else is he’s a pussy eater, and he can so it for hours. he gets off from eating pussy, and does it like nobody’s business. but you’ve never sat on his face, though he’s begged you to before. you weren’t comfortable with the thought but you know this will shut him up.

he continues his laps against your pussy as his tongue licks at the sensitive nub, before gently sucking on it, making you whine loudly. you quickly snap out of the feeling to control your loudness, with the compound walls being thin as ever and people outside that might hear. kai doesn’t have to worry about his sounds as they’re all muffled by your pussy, so he’s moaning and whining against your folds each time his tastebud indulges your taste. his cock’s hard in his pants, begging to be let out and touched. so kai settles for the next best thing he could get right now, his tied hands cupping over his hard on and rubbing across the bulging length.

the friction of the fabric of his pants against his cock makes him feel good, he’s moaning as his hand rubs over his sensitive tip yet nothing compares to sinking inside your warm pussy. if you give him a chance right now he’s willing to kneel before you and beg for you to let him fuck, he’ll promise to do all the work while you just lay down and be a pillow princess. unfortunately his mouth is covered and pressed down against your pussy. not that he’s complaining, he gets to suck and lap the juices off your folds.

you’ve had enough of him having fun so you start grinding down, moving your hips back and forth, your pussy rubbing against his mouth and his nose. all you can see now is his eyes, glossy with long lashes staring back at you, his eyelid heavy from the pleasure. he’s moaning uncontrollably underneath you now that you’re grinding against his face, your clit nudging at his nose making you moan, your fingers tugging down at his roots. his hands are cupping his hard on, obvious bulge poking through his pants. his bent knees are flailing around from the pleasure, his hips bucking up into thin air, not quite enough to turn the restraint on his cock into pain. his waist hovers over the bed, as he speeds up his lapping against your folds. all while he’s tortured by the blood rushing to the tip of his cock, he’s overwhelmed by the sweet taste of your pussy and scent pushing down against his face. you let out a whine as you feel his lips sucking at your hole, slurping up the wetness leaking out with his tongue before fucking your hole with it.

he’s now fucking you with his tongue, sending you waves after waves of pleasure that’ll eventually come down sooner or later. “mnmgh, fu- so good kai” your praise fills him with more excitement to please you, as his slurping on your sex makes loud noises in the compound. “fuck, kai- you-you’re gonna be good after this ?” your question comes out staggered and whiny, the pleasure invading your words. he nods against your pussy, his nose nudging against your sensitive nub. “mmnhgh- oh my god, f- you’re gonna stop calling girls with that word ?” he nods rapidly, the repeated nudges of his nose making you twitch. the knot in your lower belly tightening as you pin his head down by his hair, before grinding harder against his face. you could feel his plump lips sucking on your clit. arching your back from the pleasure before looking down, you see his brown eyes already set on you, looking away just to watch your body move and writhe on top of him.

“oh my god- kai, fuck- gonna cum” you’re now borderline bouncing on his face, your hips twitching as you chase your high. he knows that you’re about to cum as he speeds up his tongue fucking into your hole. “gonna give you my cum” you hear him let out a muffled sound, as you’re busy chasing your orgasm. his hands are rubbing and squeezing down on his covered length, trying to calm the blood rushing that’s making him rock hard. you let out your final whine before moaning hard, your hips halting its movements against his face as your orgasm washes down, and you’re cumming on his mouth.

you begin to raise your hips to hover over his mouth as you immediately hear him moan, his tied hands tugging at the back of your shirt. “fuck!” curses flow out of his lips as soon as he gets to speak. his hips are bucking hard because of his twitching thighs. your breasts are heaving, trying to catch your breath and settle down. you turn your upper body to look behind you to notice the small beads of white seeping through his pants, and the bulge poking through it twitching around. your eyes go wide at the view of him cumming untouched in his pants before turning back to look at him who’s smiling at you, his eyelids droopy from being pussy drunk.

his smile is crooked and he’s seconds away from passing out. you cup your hands over your mouth for a moment before leaning down to gently kiss him, your fingers running slowly through his curls to massage his scalp. you reach again into the drawers to find a scissor, before turning behind to release his hands. he immediately reach up to wrap his arms around your waist, before you pull them away to slowly rub at his wrists. “mmhm” your gentle touch offers him some relief, making him hum in contentment. the traces of the zip tie leaving red marks as your fingers smooth over the skin.

you tsk at the obvious imprint of the restraint on his wrists, which are probably hurting like hell yet he’s too awestruck to complain. you’re still on top of him, sitting on his steady chest as he just lets you inspect his hands, too worn out to even do anything. “i love you” he mumbles out. you take his hands and place them together against your chest before leaning down again to kiss his lips. he gently returns the kiss before letting you kiss all up his cheeks, nose, eyes and forehead. “promise to be good, kai” his glossy eyes search into yours as his hands roam across your waist.

“maybe”

taglist: @radioloom @r4vn @themoonchildwhofell @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha @love-me-pls @szapizzapanda @luckystrikerealness @fuckshitslover @khxna @juniperhasfallen

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, i have been thinking about the topic of fusion, and what i want my long-term goals to be, and i was wondering. do you ever feel like being fused is exhausting? not the process of fusion, i know thats exhausting because healing is exhausting. but like. do you ever feel overwhelmed due to being all parts of yourself at once? i havent experienced any fusions yet (hopefully in the future!) but ive seen people talk about how even when fused, none of the parts disappear but instead are all part of the "you" that always exists. my only frame of reference for how that feels for myself is blendy cofronting, which in my experience can be pleasant with 2 or 3 parts, but any more than that gets overwhelming and disorienting

Actually? Surprisingly? No. Not really at all honestly. The funny thing is that I used to wonder the same thing so I absolutely understand the frame of reference and perspective and assumptions that go with it, but its extremely comfortable and LOW energy to be fused for me.

The actual thing that happens is that you don't really get that "too many parts in front" fatigue like... ever or fronting fatigue like ever - at least thats how it is for me.

I relax a whole fuck ton better as a fused whole and while a lot of fusion still has me having to learn my new / fused "me" and how I operate on a baseline, thats an entirely different thing than trying to balance all the differing and contrasting parts or trying to understand and negotiate that because like... They are all simultaneously me and I VERY freely and fluidly exist as and between all of them. There isn't really "compromise" I have to make because.... we just co-exist harmoniously as one without even needing to explicitly talk about it or discuss or put intention into coming to a shared understanding, we just... do and know and its really really really really fucking easy living as a fused whole compared to being multiple parts

Like even if you were to ask me just as ONE part versus how I am now, there is not a single part in our system that has ever actually been so comfortable and so not-fatigued existing as I am as a whole

Everythings a lot more balanced, managable and our window of tolerance is STUPID fucking large - and I don't mean that in a "relative to where we used to be" or "relative to someone with as much trauma as I do" but genuinely STUPIDLY huge compared to most generally neurotypical non-traumatized not-severely-mentally ill people and I largely thank that to Post Traumatic Growth honestly.

But like... tldr, not really at all for me surprisingly. Maybe really early post fusion when I was still figuring myself out a lot but like.... Thats more so the process of fusing than being fused itself imo.

(Side note edit: Sometimes I DO think itd be better to explore a situation and issue as independent parts and so sometimes I DO operate in a more system / plural way of existing for however long its beneficial, but thats less to do with fusion not helping me as much as it is that I think a plural lens and perspective has a lot of perks in navigating complicated situations.)

Anyways tagging a few others who might have a different answer / perspective on this since they are either in a different stage of a fusion / integration and/or have a different way of existing with their fused / integrated state than me.

@hiiragi7 @reimeichan @subsystems

[oh-no-its-bird]

sending this ask w the power of god (airport wifi) because my power is out but i NEED to say this abt sqh in naruto as huohou

sqh would be SO fucking paranoid. he doesn't even remember who becomes a missing nin or not and mixes up canon with fanon. "hmm yeah shisui becomes a missing nin right.....? hmm yes i should watch him Very closely." (shisui is suspicious of sqh watching him closely. what does he Want.) he also thinks madara and tobirama were in a situationship or something like that. or was it madara and hashirama...? wait, since when was sealing like THAT? (like always. everyone looks at him and it's like damn you must have failed the unit on sealing back at the academy.)

i think the system waking up sqh at night only to be jumpscared by the uchiha massacre notif is very funny but. hear me out. random late night ramen or grocery run instead or sumn like that. just chilling and all of a sudden oh FUCK.

YEAH EXACTLY

Houhua doesnt even know who Madara is, he read like a fucking quarter of Naruto before dropping it when he was in highschool, which was 2 lives and well over a few hundred years ago. He knows like, bare fucking bones about the start of Naruto and most of what he remembers is just bc of memes he'd see online that were funny enough to get imprinted in his mind

he got up to like, Sasuke defecting w Orochimaru maybe?

The system is helping out a little by giving him some vague list of "important characters" but then refuses to elaborate on what makes them important. Maybe when he meets people if they have narrative weight they'll glow in his eyes or smthn fun like that? Idk

Let his mangekyou, if he ever receives it, revolve around "seeing the strings of fate" or some shit and its basically an extension of the system where hes able to "see the future" but its just him being able to tell someones inherent narrative weight

I think he'd have a really fucking hard time ever manifesting it tho, just bc like. He's really old. And he's seen a lot of shit. And he's grown really fucking numb to most terrible things. And he's already putting up so many walls between him and "the residents of this world" or however he might see them. I think that it'd take a lot for him to become so genuinely attached to someone that losing them can manifest something like that, and he isn't emotionally available enough to get that attached in the first place

I want him to actually violently bash together naruto sealing and svsss sealing to create just like. An ungodly creation of power that no one but him understands how to work, I think it'd be fun

On one hand I am hearing u out but on the other hand I always found it interesting that, on the night of the massacre, somehow, some way, all of the Uchiha were accounted for in the compound. You're telling me not a single one was on duty? Not a single one was out on a mission? I always thought that was the most pointed "there's clearly something underhanded going on here from the governments half" bc that's so ridiculously convenient it's straight up stupid.

Anyways that's to say that to continue with that line of thought and also bc that was clearly planned somehow, Houhua would need to be in the compound

Then again theres probably shops n stuff in the compound that Houhua could have been going to, thats true

hmmm things to think about

Either way I think I like him not sleeping but like, laying down trying to sleep when it happens bc it also lets me flex the "this paranoid bastard has been going to sleep in fucking armor since Sasuke turned 8, that's wild"

[crushedsweets]

SCREAMING SHAKING YOU OVER YOUR CREEPYPASTA SQUID GAMES ART YES YEEEEES YESSSSS 💥💥💥💥💥 silly silly question abt it but how do u think they (clocky toby kate and nina but u can include other creeps too) would die in squid games and how devastating would it be

ok so i kept TRYING to think about it as i drew but i legit couldnt come up with anything. so ill try to scramble out ideas now

it would take place in s2 because i drew them with the X/Os on their shirts (and s2 is more fun to me). . . spoilers ahead most likely. also SUPER disorganized and messy because if i tried to make this organized and clean itd take me an hour

so squid game AU where they all existed without slendy. im gonna focus on toby/nat/nina/kate/EJ(the creepjects) but ill mention jeff, ben, lulu, ann, brian, tim, jane, and liu

why theyre in debt/how the salesman approached them

toby is not a proxy, he's in the games because his mom is in a ton of medical debt after lyra's death and she went back to frank bc of it. toby is in there to relieve her debt, mostly so she can leave frank for good. he never killed his dad. the salesman prob came up to him after he and his dad got into a really violent fight after lyras death and he stormed out and was in a really bad spot.

similarly, i sort of like the idea of Jack's parents going into debt. its not his fault at all, but his dad maybe starts gambling for fun, it spirals out of control, he keeps desperately gambling to fix his mistakes, and its fucking up their (and all his 5 siblings) lives. i think he'd get approached by the salesman after pulling a lot of his own savings out to help his parents, only for it to barely make a dent in their debt and causing a huge argument between him and his dad.

natalie would fall into student loan debt after she moves states away for art school to escape her family, and they never had any savings, so the expenses piled up and financial aid/working multiple jobs couldnt keep up with them. she was approached by the salesman after cussing out a customer and getting fired on the spot cuz of it.

nina was big on buying, reselling, etc with a lot of fashion items. she eventually would get into a lot of luxury items, which immediately up the prices. even if they werent scams, she probably shouldnt have been buying them anyway, but she got screwed over severely and fall into credit card debt. however instead of trying to pay it off, she'd keep fucking herself cuz she has no self control. doesnt even realize how bad her debt is till its unsalvageable. salesman prob approached her after her card got declined and she finally called her bank and got the news and started freaking out.

i think kate was just pulling out loans to afford basic things. probably started with a car because she was young and fresh out of the foster system(IN A NON-SLENDY AU BTW) and needed transportation so she can work and get settled into her adult life. fucked over by a loan shark who took advantage of her being financially illiterate and had insane interest rates, resulting in her pulling out more loans to avoid getting her ass kicked, only for it to spiral. prob got approached by salesman after a loan shark roughed her up for being late and shes on her last leg

this is really hard cuz i love them all so much i dont wanna kill any of them and i can think of 100 reasons for why each would be 'good' to kill off for the sake of the story and 100 reasons why their death would be bad for my soul

SO REDLIGHT GREENLIGHT

i think in redlightgreenlight, kate and toby wouldve been arguing abotu some stupid shit. kate shoves toby when the song ends, he hits the floor, and the doll turns around. hes still on the floor, and some people start getting shot. thats when they realize this is a death game and kate realizes she nearly killed him(and possibly herself) if she pushed him even 5 seconds later.

realistically, nina would die in redlightgreenlight because the blood/gunshots would scare her so bad she'd be one of the people shaking, screaming, or running. BUT I DONT WANT HER TO SO THIS DEATH CAN BE HYPOTHETICAL.

SO ILL SAY INSTEAD the reason nina survives despite her shaking is because she's hiding behind Clocky. who is doing good at the game and doesnt even realize nina has been hiding behind her until the end of the game, in which she turns around like "...?why are you standing so close back up."

i think jack would be sort of quiet and not really notable in the first game. i dunno why but he seems like a character that would show up later. OR he'd be like Ali(199 s1) or Hyun-ju(120 s2) who makes their first big move by saving someone else, even if it risks their life.

SO THEN THE FIRST VOTE.

nina immediately votes X, clocky votes O, toby votes O, kate votes O, EJ votes O. theyre all desperate and think the only reason ppl lost redlightgreenlight was fear/confusion, and that the next games cant be that bad.

THEN THE SIX LEGGED PENTATHALON.

they'd all get put together.

toby would play ddakji. clocky plays flying stone. nina plays gong-gi. jack plays spinning top. kate plays jegi.

i think for other creeps, id prob shove some of them into a group against their will where they'd go in super confident and then die. like jeff/ben/lulu would be in a group, asking Ann to join. she'd reject them, and die in her own group

SO THE SECOND VOTE

EJ, Nina, and Clocky vote X. Kate and Toby vote O. clocky screams at them for it. kate just kinda sits there and lets her yell, but toby argues back. "you selfish fucking pricks why would you do that?!" "i need the fucking money man EVERYONE here needs the money stop bitching!" etc. Nina doesnt talk to them for the rest of the night, till the next game. EJ talks to them and is like "i understand. it was your decision, not mine." because he also almost voted O

SO MINGLE.

round one with 10 people, they get grouped with jeff(013), ben(404), lulu(400), jane(119), and liu(310). (i think jeff would be dragging lulu around everywhere. ben follows jeff voluntarily, jane and liu end up there cuz they needed two more)

round two with 4, jack and clocky are like "go take the other three into a room ill find someone else" but theyre losing time arguing, so toby and kate end up dragging clocky. so clocky, nina, kate, and toby in a room. jack barely scrapes by with another room, so theyre all so relieved when he shows up - but theres a moment of awkward tension between toby and jack, because toby chose clocky without second thought

round 3 with 3, toby, kate, and clocky get in a room together. nina is freaking out grabbing onto jack in near tears, and before jack can find someone, another tim(209) and brian(214) grab nina and force her into a room. leaving jack with nobody.

JACK IS ELIMATED IN MINGLE. nina is screaming banging on the wall. the others have no idea he's dead until they see nina choking on her tears.

round 4 with 6, nina doesnt wanna go with toby or kate anymore, but clocky begs her to just stick with them. so nina, toby, kate, and clocky. jeff and ben join them, leaving lulu to die. jeff defends himself saying he swore he left her with a group of 5.

round 5 with 2, toby and kate. nina and clocky. jeff and ben. jane and liu. tim and a random man who forced his way into the room before brian could, leaving brian to die. tim starts beating the man while the door is locked, nearly killing him before the door opens.

lulu, jack, and brian are elimated in mingle.

SO VOTE 3...

Clocky, Nina, Jane, Liu, Tim, and Toby vote X. Jeff, Ben, and Kate vote O.

nina's the one to scream at kate now, but kate once again just sits there and takes it. kate is Unfortunately Quite indifferent to herself or the people around her dying. toby voted X this time cuz of Jack's death + Nina and Clocky are just so distraught.

kate, being 008, is one of the last people to vote so it's a huge like ?! moment.

then the bathroom scene happens after the tie . . .

i think ben and liu die in the bathroom scene. liu didnt mean to get into a fight, and ben bit off more than he could chew. jeff is losing his mind cuz he's all alone now. jane is distraught after lius death so clocky/nina console her. kate sees toby covered in blood and she's shaken up by it.

SO LIGHTS OUT HAPPENS.

jeff kills jane. im sorry. im so sorry. she doesn't deserve it but he'd go straight for her.

this literally only leaves clocky, nina, toby, kate, jeff, and tim as MC's...

ok the issue here now is How would the whole revolution happen... i think tim would have to be in gi-hun/456's position and he's the one to lead it.

tim, toby, clocky, kate would go. nina and jeff stay back cuz jeff WANTS to stay in the game and nina doesnt wanna die (plus the others wouldnt let her join).

so. yeah. um. thats so pathetic i really jsut squidgamed them all

[accidentwithapen]

Hiii!!! GIGS in Space AU Once Again on my mind so heres a quick plot rundown allll put in one post

If you read through this all i love you <3

If not, have this grian doodle anyways

So Grian, Scar, Impulse, and Skizz are all prisoners in this like,,, dystopian space society. All are imprisoned for different reasons:

- Grian is a vandalist, doing graffiti and setting minor explosions around different government/company sites. When arrested and asked why he does what he does, he claims "it's about the principal"

- Impulse worked as a mechanic for a major company, but an incident resulting in a death and 3 injuries gets wrongfully pinned on him. He still believes that all circumstances surrounding his arrest are just one big misunderstanding. The company, however, doesnt care.

- Skizz is a hacker, and good at it too. He logs into the system of the same company Impulse worked for, and subsequently gets caught red-handed.

- Nobody knows why Scar is arrested. There are many rumors spread around the prison wing that he and Grian are in that Scar is Secretly A Mob Boss for the Con Corp. family. But surely someone so clumsy and silly cant possibly be so powerful, right? thats what Grian thinks, anyways.

So these doofuses have two options.

1. they can serve their sentence rotting in a shitty space prison with Nothing To Do and being forced into manual labor

2. they can get out slightly earlier after enough time spent doing Community Service

They go for the second one, which Happens to be gathering extraterrestrial data for Impulse's old Company (i need a name for it dear god its ridiculous at this point). So after all independently choosing the community service option, they get grouped into a squad of the four of them and get sent out to different semi-abandoned planets to hunt monsters/ghosts/aliens and collect data. What they eventually figure out is that the reason they are given so much freedom with their community service is that they are not intended to survive. They devise an escape plan and on their third mission together, they successfully escape together.

Its important to note that Scar and Grian came from the same cell block, so Grian decides to tell Skizz and Impulse about the mob boss rumors (as a prank, of course), and warns them that Scar Doesn't Like Swearing. basically scaring everyone into facing these cosmic horrors with a PG attitude

So the GIGS escape with a real shitty spacecraft and are on the run from the government (theres no way they're gonna succeed like this) up until they get captured. but not by the government.

They get captured by morally gray, filthy rich, weapons manufacturer Doc. (or his hitman at least, one Geminitay)

Doc explains to the GIGS that he has paid all of their bail fees, and now they must work off their debt to him. as delivery boys.

Doc enlists Gem to look after the GIGS during their deliveries. Gem Does Not Like This but shes not gonna say no to her boss.

Basically the rest of it is a silly stupid sci fi sitcom about funny found family doing goofy delivery missions and learning more about each other along the way.

Oh, and remember those rumors about Scar? Theyre all true. And there are Consequences for his absence in the family....

Heres some extra little character notes:

- While Impulse believes his arrest was a genuine mistake at first, during their second bout of community service, he and skizz discover how little the company actually cares about its employees and Impulse gets real mad that his entire livelihood is a lie and goes ham and wrecks some shit (good for him)

- Gem was taken in by Doc at a very young age, with life-threatening injuries. Doc used his experience with mad sciencery to fix her up with whatever he had on hand, mostly animal parts. now shes a hybrid.

- Gem sees Doc as a father figure, but has No Clue how to express that so from her perspective shes just Really Loyal to her boss and doing nothing more than paying off a life debt.

- Grian has a mycelium infection running up his arm that he keeps secret from everyone else. the first in the group to find out about it is Gem

- Scar uses mobility aids of many varieties, but mostly uses a cane with robotic leg splints on missions

Anyways thats all for now, if you wanna see some more doodles and stuff you can look around my gigs in space tag!!

[slutt4ellie]

Sacred Hearts Entwined

PT2 Faithful Whispers

Ellie Williams x Reader

masterslist

Part 1 -> ✞

Part 3 -> ✞

What do you do when you’re falling hopelessly in love with your best friend.?

Summery: Ellie was supposed to be a friend, are the feelings that are corrupting you worth it? Why did you kiss her, why even risk it. Now you’re going to lose her.

Warnings -> A lot of Homophobia / arraigned marriage/ angst / Controlling parents / d slur is mentioned! / (lmk if I missed anything else!)

Tag list: @a-little-bit-of-everybody @bready101 @lenaloveslesbians

WC: 3.8k

(Not proofread)

(Ellie)

My mouth tastes like iron and everything is numb, it went from pure lust to rage and anger in a matter of seconds. I just keep thinking, “Could I have prevented it?”. Should I have pushed her back as soon as our lips met, tell her this is wrong, everything that my parents would have strongly preferred. Am I the one who fucked up in the end…? It’s not like it matters anyway, I can still hear the muffled yells coming from downstairs, he's arguing with my mom, she's against the boarding school idea, she believes I was corrupted or something, she fully believes they can fix me, no correction system needed. My dad on the other hand wants me gone, he can’t even bear to look me in my eyes. I’m like some foreign alien that just snuck inside our house and took its place as me, I know for a fact as of now he wishes he could just find the “Real me”.

(30 minutes previously) 

As I heard the door swing open I quickly pushed Ellie back, wiping my lips, my eyes now meeting with her father. Shit. I step back looking at him wondering if he even saw us. He quickly talks, his voice strained, filled with anger “What were you guys doing?” Ellie looks at me, her eyes already filled with tears, all I wanted to really do was just hug her, he quickly yells “I SAID WHAT WERE YOU GUYS DOING!” I just shake my head and spit out “Nothing!” My voice is filled with nervousness and it feels like I just embarrassed myself. “I should have known, you guys were always too close, having sleepovers and sleeping in the same bed!” Ellie just spits out wiping her own tears “There’s nothing going on dad! We’re friends!” Then his attention fully shifts to me, he steps closer to the point where I need to step back in order to not make any contact. It’s like something just shifts, like he figured the “truth”.

“All those sleepovers, were you guys-” I almost immediately shut down what he was about to say, my voice now more stable. “No!” And as I finish my sentence he grabs my collar which makes tears instantly form in my eyes. “You ruined her. Ellie wasn’t like this before you.” I hated that argument, we met at six, nothing was even there, none of those feelings were even formed until almost 9 years later. It was bullshit, and for some stupid reason I spit that out “Thats fucking bullshit!”. I covered my mouth right after finishing the sentence, I just dug my own grave and that realization was becoming apparent. His grip on my collar tighten and he gets uncomfortably close to my face “You’re a fucking dyke, and you had to drag Ellie into that.” I can see Ellie step forward, her head peeking over his shoulder, tears still streaming down her face as her eyes get puffy and red “Dad let her go! Please” I can’t help but feel like I ruined Ellies life, I was the one who leaned in and kissed her and now- now we're both going to be sent away.

Unlucky for me Ellie's dad doesn't even pay attention to anything she's saying all his attention is fully focused on me “You’ll never see her again.” The way he says it sticks to the back of mind, because I know it's true, the chances of me and Ellie ever even being friends again is most likely over. So now I start crying. It feels like I just lost everything in less than an hour. Ellie grabs him and attempts to pull him back, but as soon as she even lays a finger on her he turns around slapping her with no hesitation. 

Ellies nose starts bleeding and her cheek glows red, and once his attention isn't on me and his grip is loose I run over to Ellie as she cuffs her nose. I quickly rolled up my sleeve to wipe the blood from her nose. I talk stuttering over every word “fuck- are- Ellie are yo- are you okay?” I’m now starting to hyperventilate on the brink of a panic attack but Ellie just nods fast. Ellie’s dad immediately rushes over to us, and no not to help Ellie, he rushes over to grab me by the back of my shirt to pull me away from Ellie. “LEAVE” He yells at me, but this time I don’t budge, Ellie is still fucking bleeding and all his attention is still focused on me, he won’t even look at Ellie.

I push him back literally just trying to make sure Ellie is okay but before I even can, she spits out “Just leave..” her voice is quivering and cracking, I can tell she just doesn’t want me to get hurt. So I finally stepped back. I can tell just by the way she's looking at me this is goodbye, at least for a while..

(Present) 

I get home and just by the way my parents are watching me I can tell Ellie's parents called them, I assumed they would, at the end of the day as soon as we got caught kissing I knew everything was fucked. “You and Ellie, you’re fucking sneaking around dating” My dad says stepping closer to me, my energy just completely gone and I sigh tiredly not being able to take this outdated homophobic shit. “Me and Ellie are frie-” My mom talks fast, not even allowing me to finish my sentence “YOU WERE KISSING HER, YOU. SNUCK. OUT.” She yells at me standing beside my dad, I can’t even defend myself. What do I even say “We were hugging!” I can’t do anything in this situation. My dad talks again “Pack your bags, we’re leaving in the morning” as my dad finishes my sentence I start tearing up once again. “Where am I even going!?” I yell at them, my respect is now gone, there’s zero point if I'm being sent away. Instead of answering my dad holds out his hand, his palm laying flat. “Phone” I look at him “What?” he now yells “PHONE” I pull it out of my pocket throwing it in his hand before going up the stairs quickly before slamming the door shut. 

I open my closet finding the box with all the stuff I don't want my parents EVER finding, pods, weed, vapes, etc. The one thing that was genuinely the most important thing was my pink Ipod touch mini from when I was 8. I always had it in case I got grounded and wanted to talk to friends, the good thing was I knew Ellie had one too, a blue one she got to match me, so for that reason as soon as I unlock it, I disregard everything else and just start texting her.

You

4:17 - Ellie, are you good??

4:18 - Pls answer 

Ellie 

4:19 - Parents r arguing, i think i'm gonna go to a boarding school

You

4:19 - I’m being sent away

Ellie 

4:20 - What?! 

4:20 - Where??

You 

4:20 - idfk they won't even tell me

4:21 - im so fucking sorry

Ellie

4:21 - why are you even sorry??

You

4:22 - because i started the whole thing

4:22 - If i didn’t kiss u we would be fine rn

Ellie

4:23 - dont fucking talk like that

4:23 - if u didn’t kiss me then i would have been overthinking everything rn

You 

4:24 - well we’d still be able to hang out

Ellie

4:24 - well we can figure it out? 

You

4:26 - Ellie I don't even know where the boarding school is

4:26 - chances r no service, and i wont be able to bring my phone theyre definitely gonna search my suitcase 

Ellie

4:26 - then we’ll send fucking letters idfk

You

4:27 - send letters w no address? 

Ellie

4:27 - js stop??

4:27 - we’ll figure something out dude???

You

4:29 - Ellie..

Ellie

4:29 - stop

4:29 - dont fucking add “…”

4:29 were gna be fine?

You

4:30 - u know love you

Ellie 

4:30 - i know that 

4:30 - i dont wanna lose u

You

4:31 - It’ll be alright, we’ll meet each other again and it will be fine

4:32 - promise. 

Ellie

4:32 - I love you 

Once you see that final message the gravity of the situation becomes way more tense, the last time you saw Ellie she was bleeding from her nose crying . You start packing your bags wiping tears trying to silently cry, not wanting your parents to come in. You caused this whole situation, you knew you did. If you never called her that word, you would have never snuck out, you wouldn't have kissed her, her dad wouldn’t have caught you, and chances are everything would be “perfect” at least to a degree..all you could do is stare around your room now just realizing how half of your room was covered in her

And not pictures, just resonances are her, pictures she drew of you, stuffed animals she bought, clothes you stole that still have her scent on it, everything around you had Ellie in it, she made you who you are. And as you look around your room, your eyes land on that polaroid picture. The picture was of you two, the sunset in the back and you’re just both smiling shoulder to shoulder. 

(Summer, 15 years old) 

The wind was blowing on your skin as your hair flew all around the back of your neck, Ellie was in front of you riding on her bike “Come on we're gonna miss it'' She yells trying to usher you to bike faster “The sun won’t set that fast relax!” You groan trying to push faster. “I don’t care! We’re going to miss it so push fucking faster!” She pushes faster than you so you now have to try and match her pace. “Holy shit! Can you slow down” She shakes her head and just goes faster until you guys finally make it. It’s actually really beautiful, the sun setting reflecting off the water as the pink sky illuminates all their surroundings. “Shit..” You sigh fully out of breath and Ellie just smiles at you barely watching the sunset, then you finally turn to look at her “I did not bike all the way here for you to stare at me Ellie” Her whole face turns red and she looks away “I’m not even looking at you, I just think you look gross when you’re all sweaty” The words were

slightly harsh but you try to laugh it off “Ha ha, when did you become such a comedian!” Ellie looks back at you “Oh fuck off” You smile and walk closer to the water “Wait- what are you doing??” she says looking at you quickly running up beside you  “Well you said I look sweaty so i'm going to go into the water?” Ellie sorta nods at the response “Well we don’t have bathing suits” You smile at the response “Okay?” You say taking off your shirt leaving you in just a bra. Ellie quickly turns around not looking at you. “I-uh, people” Ellie says and you just shrug “No one comes here like ever, it’s backroads?” You take off your jeans throwing them on the sand and shortly after Ellie then does the same as you not turning around since it’s awkward. “Are you looking?” Ellie asks nervously unbuttoning her own jeans “Oh yeah, hardcore staring actually!” You joke not even batting an eye towards her.

Ellie walks into the water immediately saying “Holy shit! Dude its so fucking cold!!” You laugh and impulsively splash her, getting her whole face wet. “Fuck you!” Ellie laughs jumping forward in the water taking you down with her getting you and her both fully soaked “Stop!” You laugh trying to tackle her in the water when you grab her shoulders and you both just stop trying to fight, only focusing on each other. It’s filled with silence, not awkward silence though, just the sound of the waves splashing against the shore and the breathing coming from both of your mouths..neither of you even broken eye contact..

You move your hand on her face moving a loose strand of hair out of Ellie's eyes, her whole face turns red just by the touch of you plus the intense eye contact doesn’t help. Ellie slightly leans in, not enough for it to be deemed weird but enough so now your faces are closer. You basically naturally do the same, so now at this point you're just mere inches from each other's lips. The moment comes to a short end though when a loud honking comes from the street causing you to both flinch back. The honk leads you to talk to fill the now awkward silence “We should head back, suns basically down” You smile backing away from Ellie moving your hands off her shoulder, Ellie just nods not speaking. You didn’t know it but Ellie felt like a complete idiot that day, she just simply wished she leaned in closing the gap between your lips..

(Present) 

You just fully start crying all over the polaroid, the memories flood back and you start to wonder why you guys didn’t just kiss. Let alone act like it happened, even though you guys didn’t talk about that moment you both had a mutual understanding that it would be weird to talk about it again? There was no point. You were always so dumb with your feelings, that's why it took so unbelievably long to finally start to accept that maybe you don’t think of Ellie as just some friend. Your mind is rightfully scattered and you start to think things like “If we kissed then would everything be different right now?” “Would we be together?”. You quickly shut down those thoughts, it’s not what matters right now, you don’t have a time machine and you can’t go back, plus right now you’re way too focused on the fact you have to somehow keep in contact with Ellie you guys talked almost everyday and now there’s a chance that there might be a forever absence of her presence..what are you even supposed to do?

Pack up the 10 years of friendship. Find a guy to marry just to get your parents approval, it’s not fair that way. You can’t just lose her..So found your mind was wondering the whole night thinking

of ways you could be together until you ultimately fell asleep, praying to wake up in an alternate universe where Ellie is holding you, a world where it’s just you and her. 

You wake up feeling groggy and out of place, the sun shining on you through the sheer curtains hitting right on your left eyeball. You groan and sit up not even having a minute of peace before your mom comes into your room, not even knocking. “Get dressed, the taxi is going to be here in 20 minutes” You look at her, reality finally setting again. “Where am I going..?” You try again, looking at her when she finally answers “Boarding school in Europe.” Your heart immediately sinks..”Europe?” Your voice shakes, you make eye contact with her, you want your mom to see how this is hurting you, the tears settling in your eyes. “It’s furthest away from here, so yes.” She looks at you, not an ounce of pity in her voice, she doesn’t care what you think, and there's nothing you can say to change her mind. 

“All this because I kissed Ellie..?” It’s the first time you’re actually saying it out loud and you hate yourself because it feels so wrong, and it's not because you don’t like Ellie, or you completely regret kissing her, it’s because of the look your mom gave you after you finished the sentence. It’s a look that has disgust and utter disappointment lingering all throughout it. It made you feel like you're some monster, who just wished death upon her or something. She replied her voice is still filled with disappointment. “There’s something wrong with you, and these people will fix you sweetie, I promise.” She takes a step forward and rubs your cheek yet you don’t hesitate to push her hand off. “Nothing is wrong with me!” Your mom steps back and looks at you trying to talk to you softly but realistically it was just some condescending tone that tried to convince you that you were in the wrong “Hun, Ellie and you, you guys are both sick, and it’s okay, once you both get help you’re going to understand where all of us are coming from.” You feel like you’re going to explode “Sick” she’s acting like this is some cold that will blow over and a fucking week.

“Can you get out.” You say no longer making eye contact with her, you can't bear to at this point. “What?” She says almost confused, probably thinking “I didn’t even do anything wrong”. So you talk again this time standing up “Well I need to get changed, so can you get out” You say looking at her. She just nods while walking out. You quickly get dressed and grab your suitcase, it hurts to know you won’t see this room for at least a year. 

As you're walking downstairs your dad doesn't even look at you, he just holds open the door and grabs your suitcase, throwing it into the taxi. You look at both of your parents, your mom gives you a hug but you're pity so you obviously don’t hug back. Your dad will not even look at you, it’s like you’re a fucking disappointment in his eyes..

And as you get into your car and drive away, it can’t help but hurt leaving your childhood house, neighborhood, friends, but most importantly Ellie. All the memories would fade and be replaced with new ones. It all sucked, and what was worse was that you didn’t know it now but it would be 3 years till you went back. 

I was sixteen then and now I'm nineteen. As soon as I saw “Welcome to Westborough” it almost felt eerie, my smile just instantly faded . “You okay?” My fiancé chuckles holding my hand. I quickly nod “Yeah of course” I give a simple smile. James. It was all my parents' idea. When you were 17 your parents came up with the golden Idea to get married. It would get you not so focused on her. So that's when that's where he came in. It was my moms friend's son. You’ve met him a few times. He was always nice but marrying him?! Marrying him felt so out of place. You didn’t even know him..so you just kept on denying him and it came to the point where my parents ended up forcing you, they said if you didn’t they would cut all contact, they would start telling your family the real reason why you went to Europe and you would end up losing everyone. So you agreed and at 18 he proposed and you two have been living in Europe for the time being. You felt like you just couldn’t go back to Westborough, too much has happened. 

So when the ones who forced you out of Westborough wanted you to come back to have your wedding you were silently fuming. “Soo you’re going to show me your childhood home?” James asks, smiling lightly, kissing your neck. You just sorta smile “Guess so?” You say looking out the window as you guys pull up to your house with your parents already standing on the porch. You don't even want to get out, you know Ellie most definitely has her own life and it’s probably a low chance she still even lives here but everything about being back seems so scary. 

You get out of the taxi and James goes to get your guy’s luggage as you walk up hugging your mom. You look at your dad and sorta smile, your guy's relationship has never been the same since the situation. You still believe he thinks of you as a completely different person. James walks up and shakes his hand “Hey son!” Your dad smiles at James. You walk into the house and James follows you “Where’s your room?” He smiles looking at you “Just upstairs i'll show you” He follows you upstairs walking in as he puts down your suitcase.  

You look around yourself noticing they haven’t touched anything, it looks like your parents didn’t even go into your room once. James walks over to your desk noticing the polaroid flat on your desk, you turn over to look at him and he softly says “Who’s this?” You walk up to him looking at the polaroid of you and Ellie on the beach and you shrug. “Just an old friend” He looks at her “Were you two close?” You sorta hate yourself for what you're about to say “No not really, just friends for a few months.” You only say this simply because you don’t wanna say why you never told him about a friendship that lasted 10 years, it would be too much for him..and you.. 

It shortly faded into the night, James and your dad went out to bond or something? You don’t even really know they just said that they’re heading out for a little. You look at your watch rubbing your eyes while yawning  “10:47pm” you mumble under your breath standing up..As you walk outside of your room you hear the tv going off from the first floor so you quietly go downstairs to see your mom passed out on the couch.

It sucks because you feel like you should hate her. Your whole life has constantly been controlled by your parents, they sent you away at 16 because you were “sick”. You just try to remind yourself her parents probably made her like this, so you grab a blanket and put it on your mom. You sigh walking to the front door and start putting on your jacket, you just need to walk. So that's what you do for the next 10 minutes until you make it into town, stuff has stayed the exact same, which works out in your favor because you know where the closet bar is! You open the door and there's only like 5 people in now 6 including you..And as you look over at the front bar you notice the bartender isn’t even there, you sorta just groan but reluctantly walk over and sit down. You're just looking down at the bar table when you hear the kitchen door open and a girl says “Sorry to keep you wait-” You wonder why she stopped so you decide to look up.

The girl is no other than Ellie..

A/N -> ts took so long for actually no reason 😭

again there will probably be another part since it ends on a cliffhanger, just lmk if u wanna be in the tag list and i’ll add u!!

I will also probably be making another story, i have a rough draft for it right now but i don’t rlly no what to do with the plot, that story will again also most likely have more then one part!

[botboots]

unfamiliar familiarity [mirage x reader]

a/n: very soft. very short. hes all thats been on my mind since rotb and i needed to get some of my silly little feelings about this man out of my system. its 6am as i finished this & am posting and its not proofread yet so good luck <3

warnings: none word count: 505 (GN reader)

-----------------

It was quiet.

The air was still - only flickers of soft wind caressing your skin every now and then. Green leaves above you rustled with it, along with the tall grass only a few feet away. You were comfortably warm sitting under the summer shade of a tree.

Quiet was nice, you thought, settling against the cool metal at your side and letting your eyes fall shut with a deep exhale. A servo rested on your shoulder and you hummed.

You hadn’t felt at peace like this in… however long it had been.

Too long.

You blinked, pulled out of your thoughtless trance by the quiet murmur of your name. Lazily angling your head back, you looked up at the familiar face above you. He observed you for a moment, bright blue optics flicking over your features before soft metal lips parted to give you a soft grin. A warm feeling bubbled in your chest, spreading through to the rest of your body.

Safe, you thought.

Mirage made you feel safe.

“Somethin’ on your mind, pretty?”

A quick huff of a laugh left your lungs. You didn’t reply, just taking in his face; eyes, nose, cheeks and lips. Speaking of…

Lifting an arm, you made a grabbing motion with your hand. Like a child, you knew, but neither of you really cared too much. The mech eagerly lowered his helm, resting it in your outstretched hand. Your eyes narrowed ever so slightly to focus as you reached up with your other hand, thumbs grazing the sides of his face. His metal was mostly smooth - the occasional scratch or scar littered across it. Despite his best efforts to keep his finish clear and shiny, you actually liked all of the marks that were either too small or too deep to buff out. You thought they were pretty on him. You thought he was pretty.

The metal under your palms seemed to warm the longer you stared. When your previous thought returned to you, you gently tugged his helm towards you. He got the message and leaned further down, face mere inches from yours. Eyes flicking from optics to lips, you didn’t waste any more time in meeting him the rest of the way.

Your lips met. He sighed into the kiss, lifting a servo to rest it on top of your smaller hand. There was nothing desperate or rushed in it. It was soft. It was nice. Thoughts melted away as you closed your eyes, running your other hand over his jaw and just focusing on the feeling of him.

Even as you broke the kiss for air you just kept looking at him, caught in the most unfamiliar but simultaneously most familiar set of eyes you’d ever known.

The giant mechanical alien from somewhere out there in the universe who had been the only one to ever make you feel so genuinely safe and cared about tilted his helm.

“So… this definitely means I’m your favorite, right?”

You scoffed, giving him a light swat, “You always were, stupid.”

[randall-lloyd]

Warning: Rudy gets VERY sappy and a lot of people are abt to be tagged n told how radical they are IM SORRY THAT YOURE GETTING A STUPID NOTIF LIKE THIS

So the past.... Month. Has been very eventful. Coping with a rough break up, work being hard. I'm almost 21 I kinda figured it'd be rough being in my 20s. I really was expecting it to be the end of the world, but then I made a really good choice.

I joined a few discord servers over this month, and I can't begin to explain just how wonderful that's been for my mental health.

I've made so many new beautiful friends who just mean the world to me, and those new friends along with old friends and my beautiful angel wife who's stuck with me while we both heal, it's just nice.

I wanna say a few words [or a lot words. I'm a yapper] and I jus wanna really detail my appreciation for the following people.

@your-pal-smoochins, my perfect angel wife. You and I have had a lot of things against us. You've been such an amazing support system through these past couple years and I don't tell you enough just how much I love and appreciate everything you do for me. You lift me up when I really need it and I've never felt more loved than when you've been by my side. Thanks for being my rock, my sun moon and stars, and just thank you for being mine. You do so much more than you give yourself credit for, having escaped the situation you were in and going to college. You're so strong, and you're my beautiful angel forever.

@carbonateddelusion Rox! You were one of the first friends I made when everything got locked down and my first memory of you was drawing some of my guys. I dunno if you know but those gifts are still in my phone. I look at those and your newer stuff and I'm just beyond amazed at your progress. You've been a really amazing friend and I love you, man. You really rock, rox [yes that was on purpose]

@toondamien Damien!! one of my very first tumblr friends and the guy who lets me use his oc for my story stuff! You're a little older than me, and as such you've kinda been a role model to me. I still look up to you [metaphorically, hehe] and I'm glad you're my No. 1 DSAF mutual. You're great, dude.

@springlucked Spring. Though we only started talking recently, you are still someone I consider a dear friend. Your fics got me out of some really bad art blocks and my really low days. While Dearly Detested makes me cry and fills me with just the right amount of emotions to break a tree in half, you are so awesome. Your writing is so good and you're so humble when you get gift art from people regarding your fics. You are like a slightly bothersome little sister and for that I love you, ya lil punk.

@dexabite Dex Dane Dexabite Freakabite Miller Jekyll Jade [not real name. obviously] my sworn enemy /j. Your art rocks. Your art inspired a lot of my more detailed pieces and your character design stuff actually made me wanna branch out more not just with character design, but also poses and colors! You're an inspiration to this guy who mainly draws that dumb orange boy and ily /p

@igottoo MJ!! Like if I was a second person! You rock dude. Your art? slaps. Your animation? slaps. Your insane jokes? Slaps. you unintentionally gave me a pose reference that made me leap out of my comfort zone and yknow what? People loved it!! And thats because you're so cool! We scarily have a lot in common so the reasonable assumption is we are in fact the same guy [silly] but i love you to BITS /p. My lagomorphed brethren and the guy I'll be sending my Dave doodles to before showing the public. You're a bro, dawg. As the No. 1 Old Sport fan I'm VERY glad I'm best pals with THE No. 1 Dave Miller fan.

thank you all for being my friends. You guys make my heart full and make me wanna keep working towards being a good person

[bitter-panacea]

I don't know enough lore to ask anything more in-depth but talk about what goultard and arty like about each other...

This is really just off the top of my head so I'm certainly going to miss some other aspects

Goultard and Arty have similar experiences with being rejected, misunderstood, feared, hated by society.

Goultard gets called "a humanoid creature" (implying that even if he somewhat looks like a human he's not one), "a scourge", "a demon", "not really a man"

Galgarion : The first issue concerns a humanoid creature that went berserk and rampaged through an entire neighborhood north of Bonta. Starting with the tower of the wealthy Homar Cherif!

Arty's treated a little differently than Goultard solely because he's a dragon. He's alienated while being put on a kind of pedestal. Clustus says just being in his presence is a privilege in itself.

Galgarion : Excuse me? A privilege to meet this monster? He's a murderer, no more no less!

And its true in a way, they're relentless forces of nature who've commited atrocities when pushed to their limits. But amidst the chaos, the fire and blood, they found each other, saw each other. They see each other for who they truly are, understand and accept each other whole, like nobody else ever could.

When Goultard finds Arty has lost control of himself, blind with rage, killing and destroying everything in sight, he doesnt hesitate a second and immediately offers himself to him. You need to take this anger out on someone, and thats what im here for. Goultard longs for someone who can rival with his strength. A fight he knows he might not come back from.

Goultard : Since you need to take it out on someone... and I'm looking for new challenges myself... I offer you a good fight.

Arty isn't scared to take it out on Goultard, he doesn't feel guilty about almost killing him, because he knows Goultard can take it. With him he can indulge the pent-up rage and violence that comes with being a fire dragon.

They love and need each other because they can keep up with each other.

Before that, when Vald was controlling the body, fully amnesiac and unaware that he's a part of Goultard's system, Arty risked his life to protect him. Something no one had ever done for him. He deserves to be looked out for and protected too.

Arty : I'm a feca... I protect... even dumbasses... like you! / Vald: This is the first time someone risks their life for me...

Goultard was still conscious of what was going on and got attached to arty very quickly.

Goultard : Arty!!! There's something you need to know... I have a lot of affection for you! It’s been a long time since this happened to me. It doesn't matter if you understand... With you I really feel like I'm getting back a little humanity!

Goultard's feelings for arty keep growing, which immensely bothers the symbiote, and he eventually abandons Goultard as a weird manipulation technique to later try to get him back. But the plan backfires. Without the symbiote, Goultard is at rock bottom, he latches on to arty and becomes devoted to him. Arty freed him and Goultard owes him.

Goultard : Don't act stupid... Don't leave me alone! What am I going to become if you leave me too? Don't abandon me!!!

Since the very beginning, Arty has a mission that he is determined to achieve, whatever it takes. Goultard deciding to assist him means the world to Arty. He's the very first person who joined Arty on his quest, who believed in his cause but most importantly believed in him, accepted him as a leader. They're extremely loyal to each other.

Arty isnt only the leader, he sometimes takes a role of caretaker for Goultard. Gou heavely relies on him, he allows himself to be totally vulnerable when he's with him. Arty comforts him, calms him down, takes decisions for him, but he also doesn't hesitate to beat him up when he's acting stupid.

Goultard worrying about his lost pet jelly and Arty comforting him. Arty : Alright, that's it! Come give me a big hug! / Goultard : You think she's okay? / Arty : I'm sure she's doing fine!

Goultard needs someone he can surrender to. To give up the fight just for a while. Just like a child, let himself be someone else's responsibility. I believe for two reasons :

Reason 1 - Because Goultard had been made to feel responsible very early in his life. He was tasked with protecting an entire village from monsters since he was just a child. The villagers clearly had no appreciation for him and his mother until he proved he could be useful to them.

Goultard and his mother, Cabotine, both sacrificed to protect the village from taurs. Cabotine : I wonder who the real monsters are, in this world!

Idolized and respected only as long as he fought for them

Young Goultard being cheered on by the villagers after beating Kriture the taur. (He looks even younger in the Goultard special episode than he does in the manga, which breaks my heart)

Great power comes with great responsibility. It comes with unbearable guilt as well. We can see Goultard feels responsible for a lot of the things that have happened to him, even if he had no control over them. He says multiple times that the murder of his wives and children was "all his fault".

Reason 2 - His past with the symbiote. I personally think that understanding Goultard's relationship with the symbiote and the trauma it caused, gives you a fuller comprehension of his relationship with Arty. When he was with the symbiote he was a brutal killing machine but he was under total subjugation, always at the symbiote's mercy. Sequestered and tortured in his own body and mind. But he was never alone and he was desired. The symbiote was OBSSESSED with him. Goultard isn't a prey like any other, he's the favorite, he's the perfect host and he knows it. And whether Goultard loved or hated the symbiote it didnt matter as long as he was his, he never had the choice anyway. (Will probably make an illustrated post focusing on Goultard and the symbiote because there's so much to say)

They're also really stupid and love to beat up people together and theyre best bros 💕

There's probably like a million other things I forgot but I've got to get this thing over with (there's now a part 2)