#but that's problems for like. next week.
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no one can say i'm not applying to jobs
#if half of them end up being fake / scams that's not my fault#i'm doing my part#izzy.txt#i am gonna need alt resumes for more specific stuff if i want to try getting out of data entry#and into like. content writing / marketing / that kind of shit.#but that's problems for like. next week.
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everyone out of the way, this is the only thing I'm going to be thinking about from now on.
(okay, there is one more thing)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#jade is having the time of his life being a nasty little mofo and i love him for it#and gosh...leona and sally being friends is SO cute#sometimes i forget that leona is canonically a feminist#sally poisons a man and he's like 'you go girl'#they have so much in common though!#they both have eye scars and no ears on the sides of their heads!#no but they're adorable and i love it#and i suppose i have to reluctantly admit that i understand why lilia could not be in this event#he would just be stuffing frogs into his mouth left and right without even blinking#every time we get a moment of culture-clash he would just be there like 'mm-hm. yes. i do not see the problem.'#man. i do so adore any event that forces the boys to Work Together#their one weakness...not being petty dipshits who get into slapfights at the drop of a hat#absolutely nothing got done that first day and the mayor set off the emergency alarm because he was so done with them#this is perfection#anyway brb gotta go do some missions for the other jack's birthday#see you next week for more of scully becoming increasingly disillusioned with all these fake halloween fans
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"Suck it, weeb-ass BEEETCH!"
Richie loses to Ruth. (She probably cheated)
#I had no plans for this but i guess they're playing some kind of mobile game??? Idk dont look at me okay!!! /silly#Had a few asks sitting in my inbox for awhile (sorry) asking for these two and well i gave it a try 🫡#Something about them looks weird proportionally and it always happens after i draw the clothes SIGH - oh well pretend you dont see it ok#Richie now owes Ruth his lunch for the next three weeks#nerdy prudes must die#NPMD#Hatchetfield#Fanart#Art#richie lipschitz#ruth fleming#Starkid#They should probably have actual phone cases#but i didnt want to draw those tiny extra lines#edit: RICHIE IS TOO TALL!! duh thats the problem. damn who are ya'll letting me make a fool of myself like this huh
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"P.O.P.P.Y"
#pretty series#himitsu no aipri#aipri#aozora himari#mygifs#*pd#me watching the preview for next week like i knew himari touching foreheads with another girl was going to cause problems with mitsuki lol
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adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes
#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently???#like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought#that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made#easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway#so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in#but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse#even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders#to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting#worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING#THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD#i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing#i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact#its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt#yapping#adhd
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au cleo !
#my art#sphynx LIFE au#trafficblr#life series au#zombiecleo fanart#zombiecleo#life series fanart#I think she’s real neat#by the way. i am HOPING to post the first chapter of the fic for this au a week from now. next sunday? if all goes well.#im still struggling on the name though LMAO. my biggest problem ever#cleos not a BIG part of the plot but i still really like her character. maybe i will find a way to make her more important
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It’s disability pride month, and if you are disabled in the U.S. from Long Covid I want you to know that you’re not alone, and you’re valid in whatever you feel. Whether that’s sorrow at your new problems or rage at society for failing you, you are valid, and it is truly messed up that society is continuing to fail you.
#disability#trauma#chronic illness#long COVID#COVID#Tbh I’m not sure if I have long covid or not but I keep swinging between despair and fury#The brain fog SUCKS#I might have always had it but it feels especially bad now?#And I have all kinds of respiratory problems that got exacerbated#And possibly chronic fatigue but it’s unclear#And I’m one of the lucky ones!!!#I can still exercise without needing three days of bed rest after!#I was so RELIEVED when it turned out I could do that#I did like. Three weeks of breathing rehab to make sure#Not sure if it helped but now I’m not getting post-exertional backlash nearly as much anymore#And I didn’t lose my sense of smell or get my taste messed up#And I don’t need a respirator just an inhaler and some allergy meds and to take frequent breaks#And like. I know so many people have it worse#And that suuuuucks#But EVEN THIS makes me want to scream and rail half the time#Update as of Sept 2024 — this is no longer true#Got Covid again and now I can’t exercise without being too tired to move for three days#🙃#Probably will die mad about this actually#I had SUCH a good time working out one night#But then the next morning#Nope#head-to-toe muscle pain#couldn’t do any chores#Couldn’t even feed myself
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What if after the Reichenbach Fall we just have John silent for the outro except for his withheld sobs and it cuts?
#no see you next week or see you later or thats all FOR today? like thats it. and cut. we go on break?#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#sherlock#sherlock holmes#john watson#goalhanger podcasts#the reichenbach fall#the final problem
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So things are kind of shit right now...
And I haven't been able to write and draw as much as I had planned because of it. Or even answer comments. I feel like I just disappeared off the face of the earth or something.
And I just wanted to say that it wasn't intentional and I'm still here but I'm also really stressed and basically on the verge of a breakdown (due to various things happening in my life right now) so we'll see when I'll get everything sorted. I'm trying my best but I admit it's hard. I had so many hopeful plans and it sucks that I have been forced to postpone pretty much all of them :C
I hope you're all doing well, though. I'm very much out of the loop right now but I'll try to get back on track, slowly but surely. Please take care 💜
#Amethystina and Life#I really had the best intentions#To write on A New Dawn and post another chapter for my Mad Dog fanfic#But I just haven't been able to#The only thing I've been able to do lately is cross-stitch and listen to YouTube videos or true crime documentaries#In between everything else#I feel like I haven't stopped to breathe in week#Hilariously#The one thing I KNOW I would be able to write is Who Holds the Devil#Since that fucker is hardwired into my DNA at this point x'D#And I know exactly what's going to happen next#There's comfort in that I guess#But I also just don't have TIME to write#So that's a problem#That and the exhaustion fever#My fever is SO HIGH right now#Which is probably why I'm even writing this x'D#If I was more coherent I wouldn't
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so why did nobody tell me actively trying to date would make me feel lonelier than ever
#it's the thought of the potential happiness just to get ghosted and wondering if you're even worth the effort.......#and then it's the feeling of someone finally putting in effort but not feeling the spark you seek so you cut it off to not#waste their time or feelings#it's the getting attached way too quickly to someone who apparently didn't care but acted like he very much did when you were with him#like. i cried when i rejected a dude. i didn't even want him that's why i rejected him?? but i guess i miss the feeling of being wanted??#which is fucked up? as i was perfectly fine on my own for years? but i guess getting a sneak peek at what “could be” is fucking me up#maybe i should stop and get therapy first. LMFAO#if you read all this im so sorry i'm ok just had to let it out. problem is i got nothing to do this week. next week i'll be distracted&fine
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kunikida: i don’t know how you deal with that
dazai: what?? atsushi and akutagawa’s sexual tension? we have bigger things to worry about
kunikida: they’re destroying a building right now
dazai: ….the other things are still more important…..probably….
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bsd incorrect quotes#bsd shin soukoku#akuatsu#bsd dazai#bsd kunikida#bsd atsushi#bsd akutagawa#i like thinking about kunikida trying very hard to stay away from the whole atsushi akutagawa situation lol#like no thank you that is all dazai#absolutely NOT kunikida’s problem#he says while ignoring the sounds of explosions in the distance#they have been On My Mind lately#because i have committed to the idea of catching back up with both the manga AND the anime in the next week or two#im sick of having to keep all the tags blocked#i miss them
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After a solid nine days of worrying me stupid, Moo is back on form.
#he had to get an IV 3 times and I had to force feed him cat yoghurt and electrolyte drink for five days#mfer could barely climb the stairs or walk without weaving from side to side#but he'd get 20ml of meowghurt down his throat and try to climb out my window and scale down the fence to go hunt bugs in the lot next door#finally shut the window and he'd brace his front paws on the window sill and stare outside forlornly like he'd been thrown in jail#it has been A Week#i now have a colitis flare from stress#Méka Mau Moo#cat mom problems#cattos#kitties
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Hate to feel like my friendship is a precious and limited commodity that I have to carefully dole out to the most worthy recipients but. It is and I do.
#calculating whom to text this week bc i have to save one hang slot for my friend who's about to move ...#like oh i can do one of those girls i've been meaning to hang with but not both. and then there's my other friend who's about to move#and my one friend just got back from africa#and the one who had a baby might be socializing-ready again soon#(again this is why i don't follow more people and also why i'm cutting down on my following.#even my nascar tires are getting worn out too fast. many more people are deserving of love and attention#than I have love and attention to give#and that is in the hands of the Lord#this is maybe also why i've been more and more enjoying friendships that happen in brief trips and encounters!#the relief of being with someone for a whole weekend or week and that's all there is to do#and then we can leave each other mostly in peace until the next time#instead of having to constantly work at fitting one another in around the corners of normal life)#i know this is a problem many of you would desperately wish to have#and i'm praying for some of my wealth of cool christian women in my area to get spread to you
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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pitched battle inside my brain between the part of me that's desperately shaking myself by the shoulders going "YOU HAVE GOT TO ACTUALLY LIVE THE KIND OF LIFE YOU IMAGINE INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING AROUND IMAGINING IT UNTIL YOU DIE!!" and the part of me that's clutching my face going "is this allowed? is this allowed?? is this allowed???"
#trying to plan a solo cicada pilgrimage and getting brainworms about it yeehaw#'making a lot of plans and never actually doing things in real life' has been a problem for literally as long as I can remember#but I also feel like I've developed a learned helplessness over the last several years that's gotten worse as I've gotten older??#me age twenty: I think I'm gonna take myself to chicago next week because I feel like going to the zoo#me age thirty: am I allowed to go camping alone. am I allowed to do a solo road trip. I need a grownup#to be extremely clear I am very much allowed and this is not justin's fault and I don't know where it comes from#like I'll run things by him lowkey seeking 'permission' that I don't even need and he'll be like 'yeah that sounds good to me'#and then I STILL won't do the thing because like. my brain keeps insisting there needs to be a grownup in charge?? HELLO I'M GROWNUP#anyway I'm doing cicada trip solo BECAUSE-- the drive is so long I want to do five days because two of them will just be driving#and he can't get that much time off work right now#AND because I literally only want to Be Camping and Looking At Bugs but he'd get bored of a week of that he likes Activities#me this morning getting insecure and weird: what are your thoughts... on cicada voyage....#him after at first not even understanding the question: I'm SO excited for you?? you deserve to get to go absolutely feral???#I do.... ;n; 💕 why am I so scared to be a person.......#about me#cicada quest
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Okay am I going crazy or was that episode SIGNIFICANTLY better than the past four? Characters had their own motivations and disagreements and we saw a multitude of reactions to Rhaenys's death and it actually got the weight it deserved? We finally got to explore the dynamics on the Black side and that last scene with Rhaenyra and Jace was excellent.
We didn't get to see as much of the Greens, but what we did get to see was great. The eerie vocalizations when Aemond is standing in front of the Iron Throne and the pan back to Helaena asking him if it was worth it? And the scene of Aegon whispering "Mummy" after Alicent had walked away truly broke my heart.
I felt like I was watching the first season of House of the Dragon again where each episode kept me on the edge of my seat enjoying the character interactions and the interplay between the characters. It does beg the question that if the writers are capable of writing a decent episode what in the world occurred with the first four episodes, but I hope this starts a trend for the back half of the season to outshine the lackluster (in my opinion) opening episodes.
#to be clear there are still problems but I thoroughly enjoyed myself this episode#finally the characters started to feel more like actual characters instead of chess pieces the writers were shoving around#maybe my expectations were so low that anything that exceeded them has shocked me to my core haha#I do really hope we might get a Green heavy episode next week once Aegon potentially wakes to contrast this one#rhaenyra targaryen#jacaerys targaryen#aemond targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#helaena targaryen#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#hotd season 2 spoilers
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