#but that's a problem for my future self
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take me up, cast me away
#I did this instead of packing up my apartment#but that's a problem for my future self#this started out as a parody piece on caesar by the oh hellos and ended as a tarot card-ish thing#ash posts#ash's art#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#excalibur#fanart#merlin fanart#art#arthur pendragon#tarot
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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┬┴┤_•) Posting this before I chicken out. Finally finished this one though so yay~ (,,>ヮ<,,)!
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
⬅ Guardian Angel-in-training AU ➡
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^ Added cause it looks kinda silly
#fanart#ivantill#alnst#alien stage#alnst ivan#self indulgent art#alnst till#alien stage ivan#alien stage till#guardian angel-in-training Ivan#Till sees Ivan and can interact with him but he shouldn't be able to#Ivan is breaking probably all the angel laws but that's future him problem#Ivan can turn into a cute tiny pocket sized chibi#He attends Till's classes in the tiny form#They share snacks always yay#I tried my best#au art: ALNST#au art
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inatodo sketch from 2023 that I dug up today
#inatodo#my filenames are dogshit and I realize this is a problem#my toxic trait: hitting “enter” without an ounce of a thought when CSP suggests me default filenames#note to future self: this is found in a file called “Illustration2”
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tee shirt that says I ❤️ DISAPPOINTING MY FAMILY AND NOT LIVING UP TO MY IMAGINED POTENTIAL
#being the family failure is a badge of honor and I wear it with pride#like this sounds like a joke or self deprecating but it's neither#other people's made-up future they want from me is literally not my problem#liv shouts into the void
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What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently
Original photo
#my art#project sekai#rui kamishiro#if u saw this get posted before: no u didn’t#forgot to schedule the post for the morning incident 60 dead 600 injured.#i feel obligated 2 say I actually post abt pjsk on my main (apotelesmaa) frequently (I have brain worms)#& I only post on this blog once in a blue moon and it’s usually not serious art atp#so do not expect anything.#curtain call. what an event. love rui he’s such a good character. I hope he explodes.#he is so full of love and so bad at recognizing his emotions and problems.#‘I don’t have any emotional hang ups about anything’ says the guy who has so many emotional hang ups#rationalizing pulling back as safety measures instead of fearing abandonment/concern of hurting tsukasa (or others) again ->#rationalizing accepting asahi’s job offer because it’s the best for his future even if it’s not the best for himself#also tbh I think to some degree u could argue accepting the job offer was his way of getting ahead of being abandoned#not that it would happen and not that he’d recognize that to begin with#negative self awareness king! he is not processing his emotions at all!#would love for him to mention the job offer in a future event. even just offhandedly. shaking him by the shoulders. talk to ur friends moron#me when I’m in a not recognizing what I’m feeling and how it effects me competition and my opponent is rui kamishiro from hit game pjsk#etc etc. anyways.#once again falling into the ‘sure whatever this can go on the art blog’ category#in that I used simultaneously too much effort and very little in creating it#once again: [hope you’re hungry. for NOTHING] dot jpeg. as is typical here at hallowclave dot tumblr dot com.
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12|11|2023
The last day of my week of rest and I cannot believe a whole week is gone. Looking back I probably needed a bit more than a week to get my energies back, but I'll make sure to go easy on myself next week. Today was made of reading and resting and it was the best way to end the week for me. Tomorrow my new class awaits me and I am feeling a mixture of dread and excitement. I am not looking forward to the commute but maybe the new topics and a new weekly routine will give me motivation.
Today's self care:
Read first thing in the morning
Had a videocall with my best friend which was really nice and made me feel good we should try to schedule these calls more often
Cuddled up in my reading chair with a new book and lots of tea
📖: Finn Family Moomintroll by Tove Jansson (I am still slowly reading this book, I am savouring it when I need to immerse myself in something calming and cozy), The Odyssey by Homer (I finally decided to pick this up, I have studied it in multiple occasions but I never read it cover to cover and the edition I got a few months back is incredible, I am in fact also eyeing their edition of the Iliad which might be in my priority wishlist now)
#cozy hobbit autumn#no list but it's still the branding of the season#I am slowly getting back in the mood for my daily posts#it's good for me to write down a couple of thoughts and reflect on my days but my no energy levels have made me feel like#that was too overwhelming to do#i also have a few book reviews to write and post but that is a future me problem#studyblr#studyinspo#bookblr#book#journal#journaling#knife gang#uniblr#university#self care#studying#mine#the---hermit
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always sort of a shock to the system when i remember ppl know sonic 06’s plot more for the fandub than for itself. which is understandable given the og is a mess, but idk its kinda sad bc theres some good stuff there (shadow’s entire story arc)
#dont dislike the dub at all ftr djdjdjdjjf im still very fond of it#but like…. idk i like 06’s story as stupid and messy as it is#i heart convoluted plots that are all over the place. sorry#echoed voice#i think the ‘’if the world chooses to become my enemy’’ trans shadow art shot that storyline up even higher tbh#especially bc elevated by shadows arc. hes literally been demonized and persecuted for what he is since he was born#his title game can be read as his agency being stripped from him from both the narrative AND the player#because black doom wants him to be his punching bag and sonic wants him to be his support#but shadow is in a vulnerable spot bc of his memory loss and lack of agency. some pathways are even abt him thinking hes a clone#with the legacy of a dead man hanging over him#keeping him from ever being his own person#and even tho thats not the case. its still a story about a teenager being emotionally manipulated and abused for who he is#and he finally reclaims that at the end of the game by defying EVERYONE and doing it his own way#even though i hate how hes working with gun in 06 and beyond. other than that 06 follows up on that theme so well#bc mephiles sees shadow as a self assured person and shatters his newfound ego with his demise in the future#where he was scapegoated for the worlds problems and humanity jumped to imprison and/or kill him despite the good hes done#and mephiles’s goal is to break shadow psychologically. to keep him at bay by telling him that no matter what he does#the world will try to kill him anyways and theres no point in fighting for himself. much less the world#and it gets to shadow for a bit but by the end. he realizes that even if what mephiles says is true. he’ll keep going#‘’even if the world chooses to become my enemy. i will fight like i always have.’’ taking off his inhibitor rings to unleash his full power#like….. fuck. thats powerful#iirc it’s ambiguous whether mephiles is lying but tbh. i dont think he is given how shadow was treated after gun raided the ark#like. yeah i do think the military and public would scapegoat shadow. hes ALREADY been scapegoated several times#anyways. all that to say that yes. reading shadow as a trans allegory is extremely powerful to me
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feeling as though you've lost purpose in your life? would you like your life micromanaged by an Unholy being with way too much free time and money on their hands, while ALSO giving your mind and body to science and said Ungodly being??
then look no further than #SLOTHPRINCE! a mutual-only and indie rp sideblog for a headcanon-heavy Belphegor of Judaic mythology based on the Hellaverse created by V.ivziepop, as summoned by Ruby and follows back from @gethellbcnt!
#⚜ ◜self promo.◞ ᵗᶤᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᶰᵉʷ ᵇᵘˢᶤᶰᵉˢˢ ᵖᵃʳᵗᶰᵉʳˢˑ#// embodying my muse w how lazy this is BUT#// ive decided to just bite the bullet & throw out a temp one and worry about a proper one later lol#// thats a FUTURE ME problem!!
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once again, i think it is so very fucking strange to include a route/path in an INTERACTIVE book and the maximum exploration of it is '????? welp i don't know! ???' in a scooby doo voice.
there is no reason why a resistant detective not be allowed options as to WHY they're resistant to start a relationship with N or F (and I say this as a huge F-fan who agrees when the narrative is like 'why am I doing this?' yes why are you resisting the hot adorable one??). If this journey is given, then I - as the player - should be allowed to explore it as fully as the game/writer's skills allow.
And I know this isn't as far the game/writer's skills allow, because we are granted variations on how to treat a past with Bobby and a future with Douglas, we can decide on our relationship with the Captain and the Mayor - side characters to varying degrees - but we CAN'T choose why the detective might be hesitant to start something as important as a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP with MAIN CHARACTERS???
make it make sense to me.
please. i beg.
#twc critical#n sewell#nate x detective#twc#twc book 4#twc spoilers#grapecase plays book 4 demo#like we get different options over dead ad but get hrm why why dont i know my own feelings re: starting on a relationship BUT i certainly#understand my feelings in how nice they make me feel/how great they are#why include this option if it is gonna be so half-assed?#and if youre gonna half ass it at least half ass it WELL#like something vague like 'my past makes it hard' or 'i just dont want to'#there are so many ig reasons why the detective might not want to start a relationship#they still have hesitence re: supernatural either via fear or the immortality question#2. rook died and they dont wanna do that to f/n 3. they dated bobby and that fucked them up#3. they dont think wayhaven is their future and the team seems attached to the town#like???#it feels so weird for characters who are logical or stubborn or people focused to be this clueless too#or heck even emotiional detectives -- what about self awareness?#and i have no problem for the detective being obtuse to feelings - it is mishka's favroite method - but it should be an option#actually no. the thing isnt that theyre obtuse to feelings it's that theyre obtuse to their own ... reasoning ... the own rational behind t#eir actions. and its like BITCH know why YOU DO THINGS!#again not everyone is. but its still weird it isnt a CHOICE
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im so mad that this is a side blog account and not a main account. i started this blog when i was still relatively new to tumblr and i think i was… like. fourteen years old or something. i never thought i would continue for this long, and i never knew so many people would like the content i put out here (i have over 9k followers which is literally mind-blowing, like wow….).
because this isnt a main account, i cant respond to replies left on my posts, i cant really reply to anyone unless i reblog !! i cant even follow people with this blog, it just comes up as my main blog (which is not pjo-related… rip my failed attempts at organising my fandoms to different blogs). so my avenues of interaction with a lot of you are seriously impeded.
so i just want to say i am so thankful for all of you, i read every single person’s tags who reblog my stuff, i read all of your replies and every time im crying screaming rolling around on the ground in agony over the fact i CANT REPLY!!
i know my posts are super inconsistent these days, im glad so many are still here! i think i may change some of my content eventually (never gonna get rid of the incorrect quote stuff, i’ll just be adding some other things like pjo headcanons or analyses or something), just to spice some stuff up on here.
#also! im currently writing a fantasy book rn and have been so stressed over the fact that authors are expected to have a following before—#—reaching out to agencies with a manuscript. and i seriously stress about creating a following.#so my backup plan is literally you guys. my four year old pjo account on tumblr with its silly little quotes 😭😭#and like. if that works. could you imagine. that you guys may actually save my future ??? like?? i love you guys for just following me bc ??#YOU MAY SAVE ME FROM THE CAPITALIST PRESSURES OF SENSATIONALISING ONES OWN ART FOR INVESTED SUCCESS YAYYYYYY#anyways im not going to promote it now bc its still in the first draft area. not near for me to even go thru revisions yet. i may never-#-promote it on here. i dont want to annoy people with suddenly changing tracks. and i def wont transform this blog into a self promo for me-#-thats never going to happen! i would make another blog for it but for now everything’s just an idea!#i just wanted to say thank you because this has been giving me so much anxiety especially since graduating high school. the problems of—#—trying to be an author have become more pressing and immediate for me. i hope it will happen one day but who knows#you guys give me confidence though. and i literally cannot thank u guys enough (I HATEEEEE THE CAREER ANXIETY)#not riordanverse#not incorrect either#for followers#rewriting#sorry for the whole essay in the tags ☠️
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they dont know how long it takes / waiting for a love like this
every time we say goodbye / i wish we had one more kiss
ill wait for you, i promise you, i will
OCs: maive (she/her) | rauel (he/him)
#my art#digital painting#my ocs#KatH#maive#rauel#raive#i was listening to 'ruin' by the amazing devil on REPEAT while i worked on this. devastating for themmm#he was supposed to have a shirt but idk where it went. its fine shes technically not wearing a shirt either#theyre doing some chilled out shirtless summertime lap hangouts. platonically.#i told my boyfriend this is from years before they date and he went 'YOURE INSANE' and my bestie called them 'incomprehensible for that'#so i feel pretty good about how it turned out#it was so nice to do something self indulgent Just For Me... very relaxing! i might do more little paintings like this in the future#i had a lot of fun with it ive been doing back to back exchange/event arts and comms and stuff so this was a really fun breather#was talking to same bf abt this piece and we decided as cute as itd be for rauel to be putting the flowers in her hair#its MUCH more likely that he pulled that one out of her hair to play with QAQ hes so obnoxious i love him. my sweet boy...#type of guy to turn fully around in his seat to talk to her during class and get them BOTH in trouble for it. problem causer#ANYWAY. BEHOLD. TITTIES.
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GOT ACCEPTED INTO A LOCAL CON.. BABY'S FIRST ART MARKET
#Boothing#Going to have a new tag now.. What a beautiful day.#Excuse the tone switch. The description is us being blurry but I (Chara) am truly the one in front.#Wow! What joy. =) Haha. Patron of the Arts do not worry about us not having inventory yet...#But I am very excited to wake up tomorrow to pay for the booth fee and finally get our gears running for our inventory and displays.#This is what we have been doing our Pride animals for. It has always been for a dream like this:#Which is to say‚ selling them physically at an art market.#Oh. Oh my goodness. The Wheelchair sticker will be real.. The Pride Animals will be real everyone.#Not just a redbubble idea. An actual design that has coloured borders or borderless designs because WE want them to.#Sitting there with other artists and making friends. Accepting tips and making jokes with everyone.#Joy joy joy.#We plan on turning the whole thing into a small documentary for our personal self that we will upload to Youtube after PotA is over.#If anyone is interested in our future highs and lows...#The funny thing is.. I wonder how everyone will react to our art style changing every now and then in our booth. Haha!#“Why is your art style for this print different from this other print”#Well you see.. I have something called.. Dissociative Identity Disorder my friend.#Oh also! We are going to be selling Palestine related stickers for people to buy in a PWYW system with a minimum price.#So it will be our way of giving as well as other people can knowingly support the people in Gaza in an easier way.#We haven't posted anything related to this yet because we want to finish the entire set. We have ideas in mind since we wanted to avoid#using text/words and instead use symbols like animals and plants or objects.#Haha our catalogue will hopefully be varied enough for people.#I wonder if it will be too diverse... We also worry about the opposite problem where people might not 'follow us' because our style changes#too much to 'follow for'... hm.. Well that is a problem for them‚ not me‚ I should say. =)#From Chara#Mod Stuff
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Im sorry to hear you're not feeling good. I hope you feel better soon and just remember that you're you as you can be, and if there's something we aren't fully happy with, well, we're all a work in procres, right? 🤭💚 Could I interest you in a collection of silly boi Käärijäs to brighten up the day?
Omg I love me some silly Jere he is my favourite Jere 🥹🥹💚💚
Thank you 🥺💚💚
#i feel like other people arent as much the problem atm#it is my fear of other people and their (perceived) judgement of me 😅#and my own warped self image#if that makes sense :'D#but back to jere#omg he is so freaking cute#how is this allowed :'D!?#replies#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#future ref
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this is exactly why I’m writing passion
#I’m hashtag stressed#I‘m hashtag lowkey in an existential crisis again#I‘m hashtag abt to crash out#I‘m hashtag so scared of my future#I hashtag don’t wanna write my finals and begin the next chapter of my life#I‘m hashtag yn from passion rn#<– no one will truly understand this yet except maybe the ppl who saw that drafted text convo I wrote between yn and makki (only parts tho)#no yn is still not a self-insert I just channel all my problems into her but that doesn’t make her me ❤️#just a small disclaimer#but yeah i‘m hashtag lowkey going through it rn ❤️#sorry abt the „rant“ here in tags#the voices are speaking
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It's already 10 PM. I think I'll stop chores after doing them for about five or six hours. My sink (mostly) and oven look nice and the area around both is clean. Picked up some floor trash and put it in trash bags, so they're still on the floor, but now more things are ready to be taken out. Did not do that final load of laundry. Gonna make mac and cheese (the first cooking outside of the microwave and making a singular salad that I've done in a LONG time, I'm talking MONTHS) and eat it out of the pot and then rinse that pot and put it right back in my bathtub that apparently doesn't have a good seal because it's slowly been draining itself.
Why not put it in the sink now that the sink is (mostly) clean? Because it's just going to make the problem happen again. :)
#ramblings#i'll finish the remaining sink bits (a rat toy a knife and little odds and ends that i didn't want to throw into the bubbles in the bath)#tomorrow and then i can put the pot in there when i use it in the future but for now i cannot make the problem bigger#because then something in my brain Gives Up#and the future bits ONLY the pot and utensils can go in there and i need to have a designated day to do it if not the day of (unrealistic)#it's gross i'm gross and i wish it wasn't so but................ i have to accept this hell because being mean to myself never worked#this is who i am and i'm doing my best when i can#if you guys want to know the full problem there is one thing in my sink that was put there to wash dust off it (and then got dirty since it#was in the sink with other things as the days piled on) but it was in there since my dad got it out of storage and drove it to me in octobe#... october 2023 :) that's right there have been dirty dishes in my sink for over a fucking year :) isn't that such a wonderful life? okay#i'm being mean to myself sorry self you deserve some back rubs for doing what you can right now#good job self you're cleaning i love you good job i love you
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