#but that does not help the depression at all

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

(genuine question sorry if it comes across as spam or trolling) is porn addiction not actually a thing? and how is it connected to terf stuff (again genuinely want to know so I don’t repeat the retoric)

No worries anon, I do not get enough asks for things to come across as spam or trolling.

But yeah no, porn addiction is not a thing. Over two decades of research has not proven a goddamn thing; rather, it's proven that it doesn't exist. [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] *note, some of these are more accessible than others and some are more specific

While those who believe in it will present what seems to be a mountain of evidence for it, their evidence is often unscientific or unreliable or uses flawed measures or uses incredibly small sample sizes, including a sample of 1 in some cases.

The actual scientific consensus is that while excessive watching of porn can be a bad habit and can negatively impact your life, you can't become addicted to it the way that you can with things like alcohol. Things like alcohol addiction or tobacco addiction are related to a significant change in the neuronal transmission in your brain. Like certain drugs mimic certain neurotransmitters and impact the neuro-receptors on either side of a synapse.

Porn doesn't do that. Or moreso, porn is not unique in how it can change your brain chemistry. Someone who spends twelve hours a day seven days a week watching reality TV doesn't have a habit inherently different to someone who spends the same amount of time watching porn.

Often excessive watching of porn is a symptom of a larger issue such as depression. Many of those who self-report as porn addicts match the primary diagnosis of depression.

Also, within research, it is often found that those who self-report a porn addiction watch the same amount of or less of porn as someone who doesn't report it, mostly because a lot of it is related to shame and guilt and not addictive behaviour.

Porn addiction as an idea is most often rooted in religiosity and not science.

It can also be rooted in terfism. Because terfs hate porn.

Their arguments against porn boil down to the idea that women cannot and should not have sexual autonomy. They dress it up obviously, but if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a misogynist.

Almost any argument against porn they make can be easily countered by the fact that all their criticisms occur in every industry that exists currently, especially so in creative industries.

The porn industry is not uniquely exploitative. If people's labour is involved, it's probably being exploited or it has the potential to be exploited. Not knowing if the person on screen was treated well on set is not unique to porn, you know how many movies I can list that included actors being treated like shit? The porn industry does not have an issue with human trafficking that is unique to any other industry; it's a massive issue in industries with manual labour. etc.

Point is, it is not inherently evil. Terfs want you to think it is though because A) they hate women and B)

To them, porn equals predatory men (they include trans women in this) exploiting poor innocent women who cannot possibly consent.

The idea of women who actively partake in sex work and enjoy doing so is mind breaking for them; they often rationalise it as the women being mentally ill and being indoctrinated by porn. The idea of porn addiction suits them well because they believe porn is inherently evil like men are.

Terfs can't perceive any situation where women are not being actively victimised by men. They are always the victims and they always need protection from men who are inherently evil and inherently predatory.

They're misogynists and idiots (and very often very racist though that's not currently relevant).

I don't know how coherent this is. It is approaching the time I go to sleep so it might be very rambly. I hope it was helpful anyway. Feel free to ask for clarification that I'll reply to in the morning.

[coichii]

winter ✭

—(🎧)—> when han realizes something’s wrong with you before you realize it yourself

pairing - newbf!han x fem!reader

genre - comfort, cheers to me failing a test !! ☻

word count - 0.8k

warnings - implied seasonal depression & post hiatus writing

Maybe it’s the winter air, maybe it’s the warmth of the beach being replaced with snow fall of small ice crystals in the sky. You don’t know, but it’s making you feel off.

It’s a feeling quite indescribable, but if there were a you could equate to it, it would be numbness. The source? No idea.

It always comes and goes during the cold, a shiver cold air radiating through your body as the feeling of winter does.

It’s hard to stick to a routine during the winter. Getting up at 7:00am, taking walks, exercising, drinking water? You can pretty much say those are all in the garbage.

The only sense of consistency left in your life is Han, and even that is a fairly recent addition. Knowing him isn’t, but kissing him and cuddling him? Yeah, that’s different.

It hurts so say the feeling doesn’t go away with him. It definitely gets lighter and fades away, but it’s still there lingering.

It could be school too, and you’ve already noticed the A’s slowly fading into B’s, into C’s, and slowly but surely, D’s.

To say it’s taking a toll on you would be an understatement.

< —— >

Fuck. No no no.

31% is what the computer screen infront of you reads. A final score for a critical quiz in your major class.

A buzzing starts in your head, one that rings your ears like a gong had just been hit next to them. One that is so heavy that it begins to blur your vision alongside the fresh hot tears in your eyes.

As if it couldn’t get worse, a faint knock is soon heard on the door of your college dorm room. You begrudgingly get up, groaning as you quickly shut your laptop and wipe the moisture from your eyes.

God I swear. I can’t deal with my roommates right n-

“Y/n? I’ve been wondering why you weren’t answering my text. It’s been days.”

Definitely not who you were expecting to be on the other side of the door.

“O-oh hi. Come in.” You usher, pointing him and softly closing the door behind him.

“I didn’t know it’s been that long, I’m sorry, Hannie.” You say half heartedly. You did genuinely feel bad, but you can’t muster up the energy.

You move to peck a small kiss on his lips, but he places his hands on your cheeks to stop you. He places his forehead on yours, eyes staring into yours as if he’s trying to read what your lips won’t give up.

“Is everything ok?”

You can feel a sting make its way through your body, but you ignore it. You have to ignore it.

“Yeah, I am. I promise I’ve just been b-“

“Baby, don’t lie to me. I’ve known you for long enough to know when you are. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been building up for so long, or it’s the look on his face or the tone of his voice. Whatever it is, it’s coming out.

“I-I really don’t know. I’m sorry Han, I don’t even know what I’m feeling.” You choke, a feeling of helplessness escaping its way from your heart.

“It’s like everything that I’ve been working for is falling apart in front of me, and it’s scary.” By now, he’s already wrapped his strong arms around your body, enveloping you in a comforting scent of lavender and love.

“I know. I know it’s scary. But you want to know something?” He proposes, and you sniffle and look at him, eyes filled to the brim with sincerity.

“You’re doing so well. You’re so smart, so strong, so independent. It’s okay to take breaks, it’s ok to struggle. Especially, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to have moments where you feel like every thing is falling apart, but it’s important that you know it’s not.”

Have you ever felt a feeling like an immense weight being lifted off your shoulders? A feeling like a deep breath even though there’s no oxygen? If not, that’s surely what you’re feeling now.

“I love you. I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you.” You sniffle, scrubbing dripping tears off with your fist.

“Don’t say sorry. I forgive you. Forgive me for not coming sooner.” He says, rubbing the silk of your hair in a comforting manner.

“You have nothing to be forgiven about.” You mumble, clutching a fist onto his shirt where you hold yourself, still in the same area from where he had come in.

“Now you know how I feel when you keep saying sorry.” He teases, a small chuckle coming out as well. “Cmon, let’s get you something to eat and I’ll help you with anything you need.”

“Ok” you nod, following him as he opens and walks out the door of your room.

That’s what it will be. Everything will be okay when you have him.

[shinypokemonshowdown]

I don't know if this is ok to ask, but does this mean the one who created this account is gone? Like, gone gone? It's nice to meet you, it's just sad to think about.

Technically speaking a alter of a system is never truly gone.. they go dormant and the original creator has been dormant for almost a year

Hilbert, the former host, was going through a lot, he was severely depressed and had a lot of suicidal tendencies. He tried his best to keep this blog a happy and fun space away from that.

That's mainly what motivated me to keep going with it, because he loved it so much it feels like his legacy lives on through it.

There's no easy answer to your question however, it's something all of us struggle with, loosing Hilbert as a host. It hurt to see him hurting for so long but refusing us when we tried to help. I feel guilty taking over sometimes, like I robbed him of existence.. That's why I never fully came out for so long, but you can only pretend to be someone you're not for so long.

If it helps he lives on through me, I do have some of his memories, mainly surrounding how happy he was to run this blog the dedication he had to it. I'm extremely happy to continue running this blog for the foreseeable future

[evilminji]

Plus? The internet culture of "lol, yeah, totally bro. That cliff is REAL safe to jump off of!" Petering off into "wait... wait, this looks REAL. Should... should we CALL somebody?" "Dude, WHO?! Who's gonna take your ass seriously?!" Etc?

Cause like? They're not qualified for this. Some of them are like 12. Some are in their 40s. Some have relevant jobs or hobbies, but some? Feel helpless. That EXACT feeling of watching someone on the other side of a window getting attacked by something... and being unable to help.

The steamer is cold. Afraid. Lost. There could be bloodshed or bandits or poison. They no longer have ANY privacy. At ALL.

God forbid they're in a dark fantasy world. Or a Gritty one. Or are a woman. Shit could HAPPEN to them! The watchers fuckin KNOW the Meta! KNOW the tropes! There's probably SLAVERY or some shit there!!! Or demons! Slavery demons!!!!!!

But? If chat can get through? And they can work TOGETHER? They CAN send pictures. Here! *graph 1* *graph 2* *graph 3* this is how you ______!

Just? Imagine. This group of disparate people, dismissive and just here in passing, getting pulled in? Because it's HUMAN NATURE. To HELP. To not give up! To get their friend, the streamer who is isolated, scared, alone (like they were) back home!

Yeah, none of them TRUELY know each other. But does that mean they care less? That they are less willing to help? The streamer is both a friend and a stranger. They both care and don't yet know the REAL them. Yet? It doesn't MATTER.

The streamer is afraid. Alone. Asking for help.

How many nights? When their depression hit real bad? Or they had a fight with family or someone they cared about? Or work/school was hell on earth? Was the streamer THERE? A distraction. Fun. Something GOOD and bright, to laugh and have fun with? So the day didn't feel so shit?

They GOT you Streamer. Yeah, they were assholes before. But... uh, that's cause it was funny. They swear! They would NOT pull that shit when it actually COUNTS. Have a bespoke meme for morale. Don't worry! We totally got your folks on the phone AND your cat is fed! We had to spam your friends stream, but they figured out what was going on and went over to your house. (Only like, five of us got banned!)

Support pog!

[lovemyromance]

Bruh Lucien hasn't done anything except claim Elain as his mate and think she's pretty.

She was literally depressed and slowly descending into madness in front of him and he said "Idk get her some fresh air I guess??"

She was sitting there shaking and awkward as fuck around him and instead of trying to understand her, he was out here saying she was beautiful and comparing her to his ex??

Can I remind yall of when Rhys saw Feyre after he let her go back to the Spring Court with Tamlin? All he could focus on was how skinny she had gotten, how gaunt and feeble she looked. He saw she needed help, and he was always there to help her.

Cassian saw Nesta at her worst, drinking herself into a haze, spiraling into a haze of self-hatred and guilt, fucking strangers, alienating everyone in her life - and he was there to help her. He was part of the solution.

Lucien has done JACKSHIT. I'm sorry but thinking she's pretty while everyone can see Elain was NOT ok is not a win. It's a blaring alarm that THIS MAN DOES NOT UNDERSTAND HER.

Vs. Azriel saw Elain and adjusted his own behavior to make her feel comfortable. He took her to the gardens. He sat with her and just gave her company without pushing her. He knew what she needed, without her saying a word. He knew what was wrong with her, he figured out her Seer powers.

Whatever Elain needs - it's clear Lucien is not the answer.

[veryextraincorrectfegbaquotes]

Sad Shanna Lore won the poll so now I present to you the text that explains that one thing age said while beating Ain with a chair!

To say it all changed when he died would be inaccurate. Him dying had just further entrenched things. Shanna had already been feeling minimised, underestimated and babied. She was naturally meek, shy and soft-spoken, and on top of all that she was the youngest of four sisters. The only way to avoid being babied would be to run away, and Shanna would never have the guts to do that. Well, she'd have the guts, but not the lack of sense to try to strike out on her own in a small town. Could she get set up? Sure, there'd be folk nice enough to give her a place. Could she avoid her family? No way in hell.

What sealed her away as shouting on the inside only was when her father died. He'd been a poor father, to say the least, but being handed a divorce made him realise what he'd been taking for granted, and made him desperate to reconnect with his family. But Fiora, Farina and Tate had all chosen their stance, and it was that they wanted nothing more to do with him. But Shanna was too young and too kind to a fault to genuinely hate him. So he brought everything he had to reconnecting with her. Days out, short trips, everything he could manage. It was the happiest she'd been in ages, since he kept bringing her to new places where she could try her hand at things. Winning at carnival games, going on the biggest roller-coasters, sitting in the splash zone. They were her efforts, her choices, hers.

Then he died. It was a mundane thing, slipped at home, hit his head on the edge of a counter, nobody there to call for help, closed his eyes and never opened them again. For everyone in Shanna's family except her, it was a morbid convenience. A drawn out divorce involving a man they wanted nothing to do with was suddenly tidied up. They could wash his hands of him, and so they did. They assumed Shanna felt the same. Assumed she'd just been humouring him, meek little Shanna too shy to tell him no. They didn't go to his funeral. So no-one could take Shanna. They never even imagined she might want to go. Too sad an affair for someone as emotional as her, they reasoned.

Who could she talk to about this? Tell her family that the man they could never love again she'd learned to love? Not forgive, but still see value in? Someone to cry over in private? Someone all the photos of had been thrown out, except the few she had snagged and hidden? They hated him. She couldn't say they were wrong to hate him, he'd earned it. But she didn't hate him. She didn't hate anyone. She hated conflict. So she withdrew yet further, spending her time alone. Her dear sisters would only see her as their baby sister. Her mother would only see her as her baby girl. Did anybody see Her? Was it only when she looked in the mirror? Was it ever?

With no-one to talk to, nobody she felt she could be genuine with, and no desire to cause trouble, Shanna could do nothing. She could sit in her room, look at secret photos and write in secret diaries, while away hours reading scary stories and watching scary videos to remind her she was alive. Was she depressed? How could she tell? If she was, what would it matter? Who would she tell, what would she do. Stay quiet, stay out of the way, say Hi with a smile, do your chores and a bit extra to show you care, stay in your room so you don't spend more time than you have to feeling like your family is condescending you. One day into the next into the next, look out the window at night and wonder if anyone else feels like this, put your hand against the glass, hoping a bit of your warmth can reach them if they're out there, get a bit scared from staring out into the darkness. Night into day, day into night, what day is it? Doesn't matter. Nothing can keep earnest little Shanna down, she's anxious and scared but does her best! It's not wrong, but it's not everything.

Go on forums and never say anything. Go in chatrooms and don't type. It doesn't feel real, but what does? Day in, day out. Have I seen this video before? Are they all blending together? No matter, watch it again, it's not real anyway. Say Hi with a smile, do your chores and a bit extra to show you care, go to the town wall just to look out at the forest, imagine going there at night, it'd be so scary but so alive. Does the tree falling alone in the forest at least own the thud it makes? Ride your pegasus, imagine just flying in a direction and not stopping until you hit the ground. Where would you end up? Would the sky look different, there? Is emptiness less lonely than feeling like nobody sees you? Does any of it matter out there, with nobody else in sight or sound? Day in, day out.

Get dragged out of your room, told to make a friend. Push back, you're tired of always acquiescing, emptiness is comfortable now. Meet someone, she's different from you, but also seem to want to get away from everyone in the world for a while. You feel like there would be comfortable, but still not yours. She feels like she'd belong there, like a proud stone pillar, like Stonehenge. Maybe you could learn from her? Is this being friends? Being with her makes you happier, it'd been a while. She's protective, but not to a degree that makes you want to go somewhere else. She doesn't bar you from things, if you say you want to try she hangs back as you try. She's harsh, not as harsh as she is to others but still enough to make it feel like she knows you can handle it. Her name is Clarine. She's your best friend.

Day in, day out. Go spend the day with her, both of you want nothing else. Go out walking, go have picnics, go to her place that's small but being so close to her makes your heart flutter. Smile brightly, hurry through your chores but still doing a bit extra to show you care, almost skip out the door to see your friend, tell her stories about the things you do without her, she listens and questions, doesn't just pat your head and call you cute. Day in, day out, always something to look forward to. Look at the photos, wonder what it would've been like if they'd met. Only look at them though, not staring. Don't stay up late, lots to do tomorrow. Go on an adventure, do things that matter that only you are trusted to do. Everything has changed and it's all getting better. Still not time to tell her about the past, but it's not as important anymore.

[doodler16]

Emily is just an Angel version of Charlie, but her naivety and innocence compared to Charlie makes more sense story building wise since Emily was born and raised in Heaven and taught about goodness and redemption. So her being naive and innocent about sinners being “innocent people” makes sense since again she’s been sheltered and lived in squeaky clean environment, where everyone is nice.

Whereas with Charlie was born and raised in hell but is a princess so she lived in a sheltered privileged, comfortable environment where she was on top of the food chain and lived in caste system that fucked over the poor. It’s why she can’t understand or empathize with Angel’s problem because she never had to worry about anything in her life except about making mom proud and protecting her kingdom. She wont help or ask her dad to break Angel out of his contract. If it’s explained in S2 that no one knows how to break a contract or Lucifer “just can’t” than they r2 and Viv can fuck themselves it’s just an excuse to make more rape fetish content, which based on a leak seems actually what it is.

Charlie like her father do nothing to help lower class like hellhounds and imps. The extermination isn’t the reason why the hierarchy was set up, her father and seven princes did that and it’s been making fucking over the lower class for decades.

HB fucks over Charlie’s character because all the world building issues like the hierarchy and lower class being made into servants and pets that can barely make ends meet and at the mercy of the Goetias. Charlie as a princess could’ve stepped in and stop it of made fairer rules for imps and hellhounds, but she didn’t? So what has been doing all these decades? Also you would think she’d be blitz trial since she’s not part of the seven deadly sins she’s still a princess and has duties is a representative of her father. Charlie and Lucifer both fucked everything because of their inaction.

Yeah basically like you said Emily is the angel version of Charlie. As annoying as some of her lines are about Hell, I hope season 2 makes her realize that the people in Hell aren’t as innocent as she thought they are.

Charlie is a coddled woman who lived a sheltered yet comfortable lifestyle. She didn’t have to worry about basic necessities like rent, housing, or being a slave. You are right, Anon the hierarchy in general in both Hazbin Hotel and especially Helluva Boss does fuck over both Charlie and Lucifer.

Lucifer looks ten times worse than he already does because he doesn’t do anything regarding his kingdom. Being depressed isn’t an excuse. I even have to wonder how hell was able to survive for so long without Lucifer. Did the overlords have a deal with Lucifer to take control over Hell temporarily?

Charlie is just a white savior of Hell, I wonder what lame excuse Vivziepop has for these soul contracts. Her and by extension Raphielle cannot milk Angel Dust being Valentino’s rape slave forever. Let the spider man be free and go to Heaven and reunite with his sister. 🤣

[ghostlychaosfoil]

KIRBY QUESTIONS!!!

may be repetitive.. some questions refer to similar things

also it is mostly unnecessary to read the questions above, you can just read my responses

kirby fs has to grow on people. He instinctively puts up a intimidating persona when meeting new people, due to his old job as a repo man. Hes pretty annoying at first, but he will lower that persona eventually.

kirby is very used to being alone so he feels pretty comfortable and calm with being alone. He was homeschooled for most of his life and his only past social experiences were at jobs where he had to be serious with the exception of his dad, whom he spend most of his time with. His social personality is always an attempt at a serious person (since he was never that good at acting like that) it is pretty easy to see through him at his mix of anxiety, suspicion and despairity to be likeable. over time he gives ul the act.

the emotion that is the hardest for kirby to deal with is fear

kirby is more physically affectionate than emotionally affectionate, though he needs to recieve both. he used to be more emotionally affectionate with leatherhead, when helping him through his occasional depressive episodes concerning his divorced partner.

kirby good at keeping secrets from everyone but one select person (raph or leatherhead, depending on the time) which must hear ALL the secrets

He speak in hints and riddle when it come to his past or other sensitive topics otherwise he is regrettably blunt.

Kirby is a decent liar until you pick up on subtle habits of his. Kirby will cover or hide his shoulder marks when he lies because when he was young, leatherhead told him that everyone could see his shoulder marks glow (parenting hack he found online). Kirby will lie to prove his point, or to get out of a uncomfortable situation.

Kirby is not very open about his true feelings positive and negative verbally but hes is pretty bad at controlling his body language and facial expressions.

Kirbys main love language is acts of service with minor quality time and physical touch.

Kirby does not fall in love very quickly because he will have manyyy contradicting toughts and feelings

some small things that make kirby happy are butter, small animals, mountain dew, sunsets, and when his rollerblades are clean

His self esteem plummeted after his krangification, due to his lack of support system and different appearance.

When kirbys sense of humor is mainly observational. If someone says or does something he will lightheartedly use it as a tool to make a joke. He doesnt make puns though, he more repeats the action with his own humorous spin on it (ex pointing out the irony of something or repeating what someone said in a weird voice). His laugh is also very contagious, so he can make people laugh fairly easily if he wants to. There is also the aspect of him unintentionally being funny in awkward situations, in which case he gets defensive or tries to play it off like it was a joke all along.

its not hard to make kirby laugh, he will laugh at any stupid pun or slightly ironic situation. he is not very good at suppressing his laughs (he does get mad if the laugh breaks his serious act). Kirby has a mainly wheeze laugh or a snicker, depending on how funny it was.

Kirby does not hide it very well when he doesnt like someone. he will often either not talk to them or try to refute or disprove their every word.

Kirby easily relies on others to help him out but he later learned to be more independent when he lived alone.

His biggest struggle that no one around is able to understand or believe is learning how to interact with his peers in a “kind” way. or his nerve disfunction that other deem veeeery convinient.

Oh boy does he have to hide his identity! After he is dekrangified, his marks are stained pink, still giving him a krangy look, not to mention his increase in size. That mixed with him already being mutant, he keeps to the alleys and tops of buildings and tries to keep a low profile and wears his hood when in public.

If he could change one thing in the past it would have been to not have been so embarrassed of his dad, and instead had appreciated it while he could.

When kirby is sad or upset he would prefer company but is scared/embarrassed to ask for it or admit it. it would go something like “kirby do you want a hug?” “nahh”(WHY DID I SAY THAT I DO WANT A HUG I SHOULD ASK FOR A HUG AGAIN SAY NEVERMIND SAY NEVERMIND) “wait actually uhh”

when kirby is sick he would prefer not to be seen.

kirby sure does have nightmares! and sleep paralysis. They are usually about the krang invesion or being krangified, or something starting with a happy scenario like his old life in his house, restaurant, junk yard, rollerblading, and then it twists into something scary. And thats when his dreams arent being manipulated by venus. his venus dreams are very vivid yet muffled. Venus is trying to reconnect with kirby and trying to find him through his dreams, kirby not understanding this one bit. He later has dreams about venus even when she isnt trying to be in them, stemming from kirby constantly worrying about the venus dreams.

The darkest period of kirby’s life was the months after being unkrangified, before meeting raph. This is because he is fully cut off from everyone he once knew, and has massive amounts of ptsd and anxiety, and injury from being krangified.

its very easy for kirby’s emotions to cloud his judgement.

kirby does have fears and phobias, lots of them. his willingness to open up depends on the likelyhood that it will change someones view of him (this is mainly after krangification, he was an open book w his dad and repo)

Physical injuries post krang: ocular migranes cause by blood vessel spasms (temporary blindness), sensory and motor nerve damage in areas where the krang was most populated (crush injury in arm due to compression), some areas of skin just ripped up and cut, just so much fatigue (the krang had his body working nonstop for months). Mental illness oh boy he got that anxiety and ptsd (lets just say hes in the special classes iykwim /ij)

Kirby does have scars, the most prominent being the pink stained marks on his face arms and legs (his face mostly), and he HATESS them, kirby cant stand to look in a mirror for a long time. The sight of the scary pink on his face send him in a spiral. He also has a scars on his hands from a butter knife (the super noticeable one on his left hand, its very embarrassing when he admits what actually caused it and that it wasnt from a shark fight) and smaller ones on both hands (he tried both hands🫣) from pizza cutters. the hand cuts he doesnt mind as much, though he forgets about them as his hands are usually wrapped nowadays, they sometimes make him sad but only sometimes!

something that kirby will never forgive is something that kirby doesnt know yet… BUT in the meantime its the harm he caused as a krang

kirby deals with loss, stress, and anger in a sort of neutral way if its not that severe. He goes out of his way to avoid all things that would even slightly trigger a thought about the thing causing the distress (this could possibly mess with his sleep or safety🤔). He will try to distract himself with tasks such as cleaning or fixing things in his home, listening to the radio, going out and just walking around doing whatever he ends up doing. (if its severe them somebody go check on kirby)

best coping mechanisms above ⬆️ worst coping mechanism would be “try not to sleep ever challenge!!!” (somebody put him down)

It is super hard for kirby to own up to his mistakes and wrongdoings because he thinks admitting to them means hes a horrible person.

heheheh….. maybeeee

kirby’s fondest and most treasured memories would be cooking or watching tv with his dad.

some vices Kirby has are lying, stealing, and being easily agitated

Kirby doesnt not like his appearance, if he could change it he would at least change his marks back to normal shape and color.

His favorite blanket hold emotional value because it reminds him of the one he used to have. Its a giant fluffy brown blanket that he stole😳 through someones window( saw it, stuck his arm through to window, starts pulling it out and is struggling because he underestimated its size, its owner, who was IN THE ROOM, starts pulling it back and yelling, kirby had already gotten too deep he gotta commit, so he eventually wins the tug o war and scurries off w it). his butterfly knives later hold emotional value when one of the turtles etches Anata wa hitori ja nai when kirby is accepted into the fam.

Kirby would spend a lazy day to go on walk, rollerblade, just be outside. But if theres someone around, he will just try to join in on whatever they are doing, if nothing to di w them, he shall suggest a movie or crafts of some kind.

When kirby needs to feel comfortable, he would prefer to be in a quiet place or go with someone he trusts (ex raph, the other turtles too as time goes on). Another comfort is his blanket specifically or any blanket in general, he likes being warm.

Kirby’s sleeping habits are BAD due to his fear of dreaming that he has developed. His favorite sleeping position is on his back but most surfaces arent squishy enough for him to lay on his back due to his shell shape, his second favorite is fetal position. Kirby twitches and moves a LOT in his sleep unless its a super deep sleep, then hes totally still. If he’s sleeping with someone then he will often gravitate towards the warmth of the person, if not clinging to, hes at least touching them.

Oh kirby is picky with his food alright. He grew up in his dad’s restaurant (minotaurs pizza) and he expects everything he eats to be of that “high” quality (hes alwayss disappointed).Also ironically he mostly snacks on very not high quality food throughout the day instead if eating meals. he will at least try whatever you give him but he will complain the whole time. He has a borderline addiction to butter and buttery foods.

Their usual morning routine is not very set in stome for kirby, it fluxuates from day to day and where he is.

Their idea of a perfect hangout would be to go skate around somewhere not too busy or loud (maybe in naturee🤔) and then go get the “butter safe then sorry”(lmao) pizza from minotaurs pizza and then go to someones house and watch a movie

he dodsnt know what that is

At a party you would find kirby smuggling food in his pockets, either being really good or horribly bad at a party game, or scaring the hoes😔

for an event he would dress slightly different than he normally does and think its dressed up

Kirby dresses for comfort rather than style (his one rule for dressing is just NO PINK)

NO NONO NOnot like leo LMAOO

i dont knowww

some things people assume he doesnt know or can do: knows how to to churn butter so thats a thing that he can do. He is pretty good at fighting though his form is shit. he is knowledgeable on agriculture and earth stuff. Some things people assume he does know but he doesnt: this guy CANNOT spell and does not know what a lot of the words he uses mean. he cant ica skate (it is NOT the same as rollerblading) or skateboard.

He is really good at rollerblanding and negotiating, he is really bad at reading and writing

Kirby is good with money, hes very cheap and also very reluctant to spend it, so, he ends up saving lots of it.

kirby is NOT bilingual (I know I know sorry to disappoint the fans). He stuggled to learn his first language he couldnt speak another if he tried.

Kirby does like to sing but he is so bad at it. He is not confident in it. He will sing super loud if he knows hes alone (he WILL swear off singing if caught).

Kirby doesnt like the shopping aspect of gift giving (online shopping HAYES to see him coming but he doesnt have a credit card soo) but he LOVES seeing the person glow when they see what he got them. Kirby is actually a phenomenal gift giver.

Kirby can take a liking to a place so fast, but it will take a while for his perspective to shift from the old home to the new one. If he comes back to a place more than once than its a contender for a home.

Kirby would react to a dirty joke by immediately shifting to a blank expression and slowly turning to stare at the person whi said it.

The most stupid and dangerous thing hes ever done is either try to tame repos cat or stay awake for a long period of time alone in the city with a fucked up body

In the situation where he had to choose, he would rather stay loyal to the people he loves

Kirby would want to be remembered for being right.

If they were to commit a crime(he has commit it already) I would be theft alll the theft. or poisoning someone (he REALLY had to fight the urge when he was working at minotaurs).

OC questions

60 questions that can be made into an OC ask game, or you can just fill everything out yourself to get to know your character a little better :)

___

[1] What first impression do they typically make? Are they likeable from the get go, or take time to grow on people?

[2] How does their social personality differ from how they act when they’re alone?

[3] What emotion is the hardest for them to deal with?

[4] How physically and emotionally affectionate they are?

[5] Are they good at keeping secrets?

[6] How direct are they in conversations, do they speak in hints and riddles or bluntly say what they think?

[7] Are they a good liar, and what would they probably lie about?

[8] How open they are about their true feelings, both positive and negative?

[9] What is their love language?

[10] How quickly do they fall for someone?

[11] What are small things that make them happy?

[12] How high is their self-esteem?

[13] What kind of sense of humor do they have, if any?

[14] What does it take to make them laugh, and what does their laugh sound like?

[15] How do they act around people they don't like?

[16] Do they easily rely on others to help them out, or prefer doing everything themselves?

___

[17] What is their biggest struggle that no one around them is able to understand or believe?

[18] Do they ever have to hide their identity and for what reason?

[19] If they could change one thing about their past, what would they change?

[20] When they’re sad or upset, do they need company or some time alone?

[21] When they’re sick, would they want others to visit and take care of them, or they would rather prefer not to be seen at not their best?

[22] Do they have nightmares, and if yes, when did they start and what are they usually about?

[23] What was the worst, the darkest period of their life that they have been through?

[24] How hard it is for them to not allow their emotions to cloud their judgement?

[25] Do they have fears and phobias, and if they do, do they usually keep it to themselves or talk about it openly?

[26] Do they have any physical or mental ilness, how do they handle it and how open they are about it?

[27] Do they have any scars, how did they get them and how do they feel about them?

[28] What is something that they will never be able to forgive?

[29] How do they deal with loss, stress and anger?

[30] What are their most healthy and most unhealthy coping mechanisms?

[31] How hard it is for them to own up to their mistakes and wrongdoings?

[32] Is there something they've done in the past that they deeply regret till this day?

[33] What are one of their fondest and most treasured memories?

___

[34] Do they have vices they don't want others to know about?

[35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

[36] Do they own items that have sentimental value?

[37] How would they spend a lazy day when they have nothing specific to do?

[38] What do they usually do or where do they go when they need to feel comfortable and safe?

[39] What is their sleeping habits and favorite sleeping position, either alone and with someone?

[40] How picky they are with food, do they have specific dietary requirements based on their health or culture?

[41] What’s their usual morning routine?

[42] What is their idea of a perfect friendly hangout and/or romantic date?

[43] Do they enjoy flirting or being flirted with?

[44] On a party, where would you find them?

[45] For an event, would they dress like they typically do, or go all out?

[46] Would they rather dress to look attractive or to feel comfortable, and what would they never wear?

[47] Do they drink alcohol, and if they do, how much and how often?

[48] Are they, or were they at some point in their life, a part of any subculture?

___

[49] Do they possess any unexpected skill or knowledge that surprises others, and otherwise, what is something anyone would assume they know or can do, but in fact they don’t?

[50] What are they really good and really bad at?

[51] How good are they with money?

[52] Do they speak any other languages aside from their own?

[53] Do they like to sing and how confident they are with their singing?

[54] Do they like giving gifts, and how good are they at picking good gifts?

[55] How long does it take for them to make a new place feel like home, and what do they need for it?

[56] How would they react to hearing a dirty joke?

[57] What was the most stupid or dangerous thing they have ever done?

[58] In the situation where they had to choose, would they rather stay loyal to their morals or to people they love?

[59] What would they want to be remembered for?

[60] If they were to commit a crime, what kind of crime would it most likely be?

---

some of these question were written myself, some are the courtesy of my friend, and some were brought from my questionnaires in my old fandom. if you use them, please reblog or link back to this post

[randomfoggytiger]

randomfoggytiger's Roundup: 2025 January drabbles

While it's usually a gentle and beautiful month for me, January can be long and cruel to others. So! I tried to pump out a couple drabbles regularly to give everyone a little cheer. :DDDDDD

Here's the roundup in case others are interested~.

INTERCONNECTED DRABBLES

“Pause to Take Stock of Each Precious Moment” (Ao3) 

“Ahhhhhhh,” he heaved, rusty and deep, creaky and contented. “Couch.”

“Couch?” Scully let him carry her-- just this once-- into the living room.

Mulder and Scully bring in the new year.

*-*-*-*-*

"How Embarrassing" (Ao3)

"Scully." The noises stopped. Temporarily. There-- something rustled, fitfully, under the covers. "Whatcha eating."

Broken New Year's goals.

*-*-*-*-*

"Betraying My Cool Exterior" (Ao3)

Mystery of all mysteries: what has his partner done differently this morning. Fortunately, he's distracted by the loose hair slithering down her shoulder. 

Mulder is supportive of his fad-chasing partner.

*-*-*-*-*

"This Isn't About the X-Files" (Ao3)

“You said something I couldn’t understand, but I knew you were going to find out who the whistler was.” She paused, exhaled. “I couldn’t stop you.” 

Scully had a nightmare. (Thanks for @baronessblixen for inspiring this one. :D)

*-*-*-*-*

"It's Misdirection" (Ao3)

Mulder’s torso is suddenly in the doorway, towering still despite the bent angle. The shower humidity saps away into the house’s chill-- neither, however, notices.

In a word, she’s caught. 

Part 2 to "Betraying My Cool Exterior": Scully can't let old habits go.

*-*-*-*-*

"He Looks Suspiciously Like" (Ao3)

It wasn't that he’d distrusted her decision to rifle through his past. It wasn't even that crinkled reports, sloppy entries, and scribbled artistic attempts were all he had left-- most of the photographs had long since been burned.

Scully finds something particularly adorable.

*-*-*-*-*

"This Was a Trap" (Ao3)

It was bait. She knew it was bait: three crispy ketogenic cookies-- mint crunch-- splayed on a perfectly white, perfectly porcelain decorative dish. What else could it be? 

How does one trap a health-conscious Scully?

*-*-*-*-*

"So What Was Your Final Wish, Anyway?" (Ao3)

“Scully, how do you want to die?” 

Mulder had a close call and wants to know his partner's thoughts.

*-*-*-*-*

"Well, Mulder, He's a Teenager" (Ao3)

“You’re, like, Catholic, right?” Rodney Treebank sucked his cheeks in, slapped his tongue against the roof of his palate. (“He was ‘mewing', Scully,” Mulder clucked later-- a precursor to their back-in-my-day communion, one more common with age. “What happened to latchkey rugrats?”)

Had to work in an incorrect quotes meme I saw drifting around the internet-- I had to.

*-*-*-*-*

"To Help Me Cope" (Ao3)

Today, however, he paused, tune dropping off abruptly. 

Lullabies and loss. (Shoutout to my inability to listen to music of any kind without becoming depressed.)

*-*-*-*-*

“If I Had to Settle Down, Build a Home”  (Ao3)

“Morning to you, too,” Scully mumbled, shuffling over in an approximation of the dead. “You left me alone to research Bigfoot scarecrows?” 

Part 2 to "So What Was Your Final Wish, Anyway?": Mulder's and Scully's sometimes at-odds nighttime routines.

*-*-*-*-*

"When You Were a Youngster" (Ao3)

She’d been flush with chagrin for-- Mulder checked his watch-- ten minutes now. In the grand scheme of embarrassing recollections, this one admittedly ranked rather low. But “low” had extended layers of mortification to a respectable Irish Catholic medically trained in procedures and regulations.

As @sagan-starstuff says: Scully, wear your PPE.

*-*-*-*-*

EXTRA DRABBLES

"What the Irish Call a 'Fetch'" (Ao3)

It’s not a stranger’s, it’s not an aunt’s, it’s not her sister’s. It’s her, babbling toddler balanced on a hip. Identical horror bleeds from their noses, identical fear wells in their eyes. 

Scully sees a glimpse of her future.

*-*-*-*-*

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

Tagging @today-in-fic.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Long time no see…

wow it’s been a while…

for starters: i just want to say thank you to @lenaboskow and @mazzystar24

the two of you have stuck by me through the whole rollercoaster that has been my break from tumblr and i don’t think i would have wver come back if it wasn’t for the two of you, so thank you both for being such amazing, talented, beautiful, gorgeous friends to me through it all ❤️

and to those who have sent me kind asks/messages while i’ve been gone, thank you all for the kind words of support and encouragement as well- you are each appreciated so deeply and i can’t thank you enough!

so… a few things have happened while I’ve been gone

the first of which being my 22nd birthday in october which thankfully was spent with AC and a hot shower after having been without power for 12 days in the aftermath of Hurricane Helene; despite the inconvenience of having no power or water in those 12 days, i was still immensely lucky to have been safe and received no damage to my home unlike countless others who unfortunately are still recovering from the storm.

the other major-ish life update from my time away:

i adopted a puppy!!!

in early october (in fact, while we were still without power), I adopted this precious little girl (called ellie) from my local humane society.

she was around 3 months old when i adopted her, and in the beginning of January, she turned 6 months.

she has been a massive help in managing my anxiety and depression, keeping me company and giving me something to love and care for, and in the few months i have had her, she’s already wrapped me around her paw

i could not have asked for a better fur baby than her ❤️ she is probably the best thing that happened to me in 2024, and I cannot wait to see all the adventures life takes her on.

In other news; I’m back!

I had made the decision a few months ago to step away from tumblr as the landscape leading up to the s8 premiere of 9-1-1 was immensely difficult and taxing on my mental health, and I realized that it wasnt healthy to feel the way I so strongly did about the show or the fandom, and I needed to take a step back, alter the way i approached the show and fandom, and refocus on other things.

one of those things was refocusing on my job. shortly before i took a break, i had started a new job and was still very much in the training phase when i made the decision to take a break from tumblr. since then, i have been focusing on establishing myself as a reliable hardworking employee at my job, and i’ve also been focusing on the future;

i currently plan to take a flight attendant training course to become certified, and eventually find work with an airline.

because of this, 9-1-1 and the fandom have taken a back seat to more important things.

that being said, i still watched the entirety of 8a (not live, but a few days after airing once i had the chance to grill sarah and addie about what happened each episode- i have a lot of opinions on how things have gone and seem to be going but now is not the time nor place for that). i have still posted the occasional fic on ao3, and i am still working on my various wips as i am able to

i eventually realized how much i truly did miss being a part of the fandom, and have made the choice to come back, but going forward, i’m going to be doing things differently:

1. i will not be engaging in speculation or anything of that nature about future episodes- all it does is give me anxiety that manifests through frustration and i don’t want to continue feeding into that

2. i am going go be returning to my original philosophy of “the block and delete buttons are my friends.” in the last few weeks before my break, i found myself engaging more and more with toxic fans rather than just blocking them or deleting their replies to my posts- that won’t be happening anymore: if you come on my page being toxic or rude, you will be blocked and ignored because i do not have time for that shit

3. i want to branch out to other fandoms- this will remain a 9-1-1 blog first and foremost, and the majority of what i post will be related to 9-1-1, but i will also occasionally make posts about other fandoms/media that i have an interest in

4. most of what i post will either be fic related, headcanon related, or memes. as stated above, i do not have a healthy relationship with spec, and therefore i am not going to foster that by actively involving myself in it.

all that said, i’m really gald to be back, and i’m looking forward to being involved again! i hope everyone who stuck to the end of this long ass re-introduction post is having a wonderful morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you are in the world <3

[watarfallar]

Incorrect quotes because school is kicking my ass

Scar: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke? Grian: I only like dark humor. Scar, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle? Grian: Scar: An IMPASTA!

Scar: plays shreksophone Scar: Woo. Scar: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity. Grian: …Genius coping mechanism my friend

Grian: I’m so tired. Scar: Did you get to bed late? Grian: No. Scar: Did you do something strenuous? Grian: No. Scar: Then why are you tired? Grian: I’m alive. Scar: Sounds exhausting.

Scar: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables. Grian: Is that… bad? Scar: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future. Grian: Isn’t that just causality? Scar: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country. Grian: So what are my odds? Scar: Do you have a family history? Grian: Of what? Scar: Just, in general. Grian: …Yes? Scar: Oh no.

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends. Scar: Which one? I have seven. Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up. Scar: Which one? I have seven. Grian, distantly: HEY!!!

Scar: Don’t be sad! Grian: Why not? Scar: Scar: I don’t have a good answer.

Grian: Silence is golden. Scar: Duct tape is silver.

Grian: Are you okay? Scar, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions. Grian: Picks up an onion What the fuck did you say to Scar?

Scar: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house. Grian: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Scar: You’re not gonna shoot a puppy, are you Grian!? Grian: Yeah, in the face, why?

Grian: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween! Scar: That doesn't exist. Grian: Not with that attitude.

Scar: In the past year you have managed to piss off the LAPD, ATF, CIA, FBI- Grian: NBA. Scar: …? Grian: Snuck into a Cliffords game.

Scar: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who. Grian: Voldemort? Scar: No. Grian: Is it Voldemort? Scar: It's not Voldemort. Grian: You haven’t mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I’m gonna have to assume it’s Voldemort.

Scar: Who's in charge here? Grian, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

Grian, talking to Scar: With all due respect, which is none…

Scar: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend? Grian: Generic excuse. Scar: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face. Grian: I can.

Scar, on the phone: Where are you? Grian: I told you, I’m at work Scar: Swear you’re not at Chuck E Cheese again? skee ball machine alarm goes off in the background

Scar: When we get back, I'm going to step on you! Grian: Okay, as much as I might enjoy that, Scar–

Grian: If we lose, you’re out of the will. Scar: I was in the will?

Scar: What do you want to be for Halloween? Grian: Yours. Scar: Scar: …yeah, that would be pretty scary.

Grian: Talk dirty to me, baby~ Scar: The dishes. Grian: Wh- Scar: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

Grian: I'm trash. Scar: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you? Grian: Grian: You smooth motherfucker. Grian: And yes it does.

Scar: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Grian: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Scar, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Grian: Do you have a superpower? Scar: Yep! It’s hindsight. Grian: …that’s not going to help us. Scar: Yes, I see that now.

Scar: Why are you drinking? Grian: I drink when I'm depressed. Scar: But you're always drinking? Grian: smug grin

[timkontheunsure]

Love and twinkly fairy dust can't fix your Brain

Ok yer joking aside about M&M and Fizzmodeus having all the drama next season. With Stolitz getting to be good and cute together...

We all know this is the emotional rollercoaster Vivi said to get ready for. (Still hoping a little cute though lol)

We love Blitz but he very clearly has BPD, and a massive problem of using doting on Loona, and now Stolas; to fill in for his self loathing issues.

And he is going assume that a relationship, with the man he loves; will make everything magical better all the time...🤦

Because that basically what he was doing with Loona. He has the box marked "child to give unconditional love and support to".

But struggled to change his mental map, when he adopted a nearly 18 year old with trauma, trust issues and very thick protective walls.

Him babying her made it harder for her to trust it wasn't all just bullshit.

Things like Queen Bee where he did turn up when she needed, followed her lead on staying, and give her the confidence in a new environment helped alot.

He was treated her like the adult she is for once, and they clicked.

But so to does him dropping a little of the mask, and telling her he had a really shitty day helped. And taking care of him a little...

It lets her feel needed by him for once.

Parent/child relationship are naturally more 1 way, than partner relationships which are meant to be fully equal.

And I agree it's got to be Stolas that does it. It can't be Blitz working it out himself, or Millie giving him the answer.

Stolas is the other half of their relationship, and now his depression is being managed again; it on him to step up and stop Blitz giving too much. Which is probably going to be when he crashes from trying way too hard.

Ok so that's balance of give and take is a hard thing to get right at the best of time; especially when neither has much experience.

It's Stolas first romantic relationship, and Blitz's second, (first if we're talking him actually being in love).

But Stolas does has the experience being the all giver in a relationship, with Stella.

And Blitz has the experience being the all taker in a relationship, with Verosika.

Neither of them would want to repeat any of those patterns; especially being in the reverse positions, but fuck ups are the way people learn.

(Blitz even fucks up and copies Cash's crap; threating Loona's place in IMP in seeing stars. So this shows really good at handling learned unhealthy behaviour patterns).

And like how mastermind showed that unconditional love, from both Via and Blitz; can't fix Stolas depression. He needs his meds for that.

Season 3 is going show that Blitz can't use doting on Stolas to fix his underlay mentally health issues, and self loathing. That he's going have to accept some back, and that he really does deserve it.

(Really flipping hoping Blitz gets therapy, but bet that end game stuff).

Blitzø's Inevitable Crash

So Season 2 of Helluva Boss ends with Blitzø playing caretaker / supportive boyfriend / emotional support cat-lizard to his birb, who is literally having the worse day of his life.

Blitzø, right now is at the top of his game and his mental health is at an all time high right now because this is a Blitzø who has fully accepted the fact that he is loved and it is okay to love and be loved.

But Blitzø himself hasn't learned to love himself or appreciate himself more, and the show makes it so glaringly obvious. And all I can think about is how Blitzø is going to crash so hard in Season 3 as his self-loathing eventually gets worse and worse to the point it eventually explodes...

Because Blitzø is most definitely putting his own mental health in the backburner in favor of helping Stolas adjust to his new life as a commoner, and life without being codependent on his daughter.

And right now, that's fine.

But here's the thing about relationships, it's a two-way street.

Blitzø can't play caretaker and supportive boyfriend forever, and eventually it's going to be Stolas' turn to support Blitzø when he needs it the most.

And the reason why I think it has to be Stolas?

Because Stolas hasn't seen Blitz cry yet...

Because Stolas has seen the marked out photos on Blitzø's walls, but he hasn't drawn attention to them yet...

Because Stolas knows that Blitzø has his own set of issues...

Right now Blitzø is acting as Stolas' light...

Just as Blitzø was the light that taught Stolas that he too could forge his own destiny, and make his own choices...

He's going to be the guiding light that will help him navigate his new way of life as a commoner.

As Stolas learns to find love through community, hopefully he'll soon be able to see the benefits that came from choosing Blitz in the end...

And hopefully one day Stolas can be the heart that Blitzø needs to learn to appreciate himself more...

Just as he was the heart that helped Blitzø realize that it's okay to love and be loved.

[incorporealbombchelle]

Campion Hall : An Iteration

Mr. Reed × Fem! Reader (18+)

Synopsis : Pt. 1 - Upon returning to Oxford, (y/n) struggles with the harsh realities of a long-distance relationship...

⚠️TW: Texting, College Setting, Mention of Possible SA, Depression & Stress Mentions, Female Masturbation, Age Gap, General Melancholy 📖

a/n : ◇ hi!! I'm not sure this is my best work, but efforts were made. Life has been throwing a lot at me lately, so it's possible this is all just incoherent drivel, but hopefully it's enjoyable incoherent drivel 😅

Lighting a votive and setting the record onto its platter, I adjust the needle precisely before timing its drop. I flick the speed switch, pad across the room, back to bed and there are few seconds of silence before bell tolls and:

'swingin in the back yard, pull up in your fast car, whistlin my name...'

Slinking back under the covers, I wrap Mr. Reed's cardigan taut around myself and shut my eyes to inhale the smoky cardamom scent of his cologne.

'heaven is a place on earth with you, tell me all the things you wanna do, I heard that you like the bad girls honey, is that true?'

I miss him, it's been a month since Christmas. I wish I could've stayed in America, is he as depressed as I am? If I tell him how much I miss him will I sound dramatic? Does he miss me like this? Need me like this? I reach down to the side of my bed, opening my 2 day old emotional support Ribena and swigging the last of it as I open WhatsApp.

Me: hey

Reed: Hello, (y/n). You're texting me at 2am why? x

Me: idk. Why r u up so late?

Reed: 7pm in Boulder. I think you'll find *you* are the one up late. What's up?

Me: miss u. Listening to video games 💕

Reed: Having a wallow? I assume you're in that tatty old sweater again as well?

I look myself over, the cardigan is not tatty in any way whatsoever, and sometimes I hate how well he can predict me.

Me: not tatty + smells like you, shut up pls

Reed: Promise you won't fall into an audio-fueled masochistic depression spiral without me around, please. Worried. x

Me: no need 2 worry, promise. Just a little down since new years

Reed: Flip the record. Track 3. Posthaste. x

A small smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth and I pop out of bed again, resetting the record and adjusting the player's needle. This time, a lighter, less wistful feeling takes hold as Lana informs me that:

'my pussy tastes like Pepsi cola, my eyes are wide like cherry pies-'

His eyes, hands, his lips, the words and sounds that fell from them, all instantly flood my mind and I can't help but smile. This time, when I let myself sink into a chair and shut my eyes, we're in his kitchen, kissing, dancing. In his bedroom, fucking. In his living room, speaking with a simmering undertone that could blister through the surface at any moment- goosebumps stipple my skin at the thought and I wish I was there now.

These memories immediately wash away my melancholy and reaffirm my feelings as reality. What we have isn't farce. I didn't imagine it. We're connected. We understand each other. He wants me. I am his national anthem. He is my million dollar man. We will reunite and it'll be just like it was.

Better than it was.

Me: thx. feeling better. u always know what i need. btw when can u visit?? 🥺💕

Reed: Been anticipating your needs since we met. Soonest I can manage is 3 weeks out, would be in town for 2 weeks then. Is that workable with your current course schedule?

Me: Yes! pls come!!

Reed: Campion Hall, was it?

Me: yeah, on brewer

Reed: I'll book something at the Ethos across the river and you can stay with me during that time. That way you won't miss any vital courses.

Me: "vital" as if my entire course schedule isn't just analysis 🙄

Reed: Maybe so, but I won't let you slip behind just because I'll be in town.

Me: understood, excited to see you!!

Reed: And I you.

Me: will there be proof of this excitement upon arrival?

Reed: Will there be proof of yours *prior* to my arrival? x

Me: if u want me you'll just have to fly over here and get me 😇

Reed: Patience. x

Me: posthaste

Reed: Insufferable girl. Can't wait to see you. Get some sleep.

He'll visit. He's coming. He's serious. About us. About me, and I can't stop grinning as I rise to blow out my candle, shut off the record player, and shimmy back under the covers.

I fall into a dead sleep almost immediately which turns out to be a good thing because at 9a.m. sharp, there's a frantic knock at my door. I already know who this is, what it's about, and he's lucky I'm well rested enough to deal with his bullshit this time.

I pad to the door, buttoning Mr. Reed's cardigan over my pajamas and yank it open.

The shrimp-postured, spindly, spotty imitation of manhood stood before me is this floor's premiere serial perv-turned-RA, Keiran. Rumors have circulated recently about him attempting to violate some poor freshers at a nearby pub and subsequently being banned, and his slimy demeanor has done nothing to quash them.

I paint on a simper anyways as I look him over, annoyed, and he returns the favor.

"Keiran! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"(y/n), I don't know how many times I'm going to have to tell you to stop burning candles and playing your music so loud at all hours, but I figure one more couldn't hurt. Keep it down and pitch the candle, yeah?"

"Strong maybe."

"Make it a strong yes."

"But a strong yes from a woman would taint your sterling reputation,"

"I'll report you to the housing board."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"Why haven't you then?"

"Because..." his eyes travel my body in a way that makes me want to rip my skin off "because I believe... that you are capable of change." He punctuates this with a sympathetic expression and a stern nod and I can't help but roll my eyes at him.

"Keiran, listen, it's a candle and some very soft Lana Del Rey. Solution is simple. Take your ear off my wall. And your nose for that matter."

"I have never put any part of myself to your wall, and frankly, I resent the accusation." He declares, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down his nose at me like I owe him an apology. Which ranks high on the long list of things I've decided he'll never recieve from me.

"I'm sure you resent all sorts of accusations..." I mumble under my breath, looking around aimlessly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Look. If I want to burn a candle for less than an hour in the dead of night is it... really.... that big a deal?" I blink up at him like I'm truly sorry and it won't happen again. I'm not, it absolutely will, and he knows this.

So to really sell my repentance, I bring a few fingertips to the side of his arm, trailing up and down in little circles as I pout. He melts, flushing at the slightest contact and if he were an attractive or good person, that might read as endearing. His eyes snap to mine and he takes on a more serious tone as I retract my hand.

"Fine. This is your last warning, though. If I hear anything out of sorts, anything at all, from the other side of that wall past...erm... 10 p.m., that's a report! Mark my words." He points a finger at me in a way I'm sure he believes is threatening and I smile at him. Men are just too easy sometimes.

"Right. Thanks Special K, great chat!" I fling the door shut, clicking the lock just in case.

"Twenty-seventh bloody time..." I hear him mutter from the hallway, and have to stifle a cackle as his footsteps disappear.

At the end of a day of lectures and an entirely too wordy typed analysis of how Camus' influence comes through in the works of Sartre, I'm wiped.

I take a long chug of the water bottle I've stored in my bag and jam my keys into the door, shutting it behind me and flopping onto the plush single bed to check my phone's lockscreen. Tumblr notifications, course reminder emails, some article from Dad about not overworking yourself, Duolingo demands I stop neglecting the French language, Instagram : ☆*•Chels•*☆ liked your post, and finally, at the end of the list, WhatsApp.

Reed: Your dormitory hall is on Brewer St., what's the address number there?

I open the app and tap back :

5

Reed: Thanks. x

I don't respond, he'll be here in a few weeks and I don't want to seem over-eager.

As I'm settling in with a book and some tea, another frantic set of knocks at the door. I may kill him. I yank the door open and there's Keiran, stupid as ever.

"Right, so I was wondering if you'd like to maybe... go somewhere later? Like a drink type thing, downtown?"

"For the... its the fifth time now, yeah?" He shrugs, and as I cross my arms over my chest I wish he'd keep his eyes to himself "for the fifth time then, no. I would rather be struck dead than find myself alone with you in or out of public."

"And if I said I'd report you to the housing board?"

"You threaten to report me to the housing board every week! I'd report you to the ethics council. I'm sure they'd be very intrigued to hear about the recent and known exploits of their most devoted student life coordinator."

"The claims those girls are making are baseless and you know it."

"Hm... But they're not, are they? Three girls, don't know eachother, all know you, all at the pub that night saying you were picking at them, vulture you are... it'd be a PR nightmare for the university... their top boy turning out to be a complete creep."

"You wouldn't."

"I would. Now stop bothering me."

I close the door in his face and return to my tea, which has gone cold. Fucking Keiran. Fucking Jesuit college making men feel entitled. Today has been too much. As far as I knew previously, the allegations against him were just rumors, all but confirmed now though. Makes my skin crawl.

I open my phone and send Mr. Reed a quick message:

I really really miss you ☹️

I undress from the day, tossing my jeans, bra and long-sleeve into the hamper and throwing on a sleep shirt. Flopping onto the bed, I pop in earpods. I decide on 'Religion', and let my eyes close as I take in a few slow, deep breaths.

'everything is fine now, let sleeping dogs lay,

all our minds made up now,all our beds are made

no one's out of time, no

chips fall where they may

leave it all behind, let the ocean wash away'

My mind drifts naturally to Mr. Reed, what he might be doing... what we've done... what I need him to do to wash away all this stress... all this tension...

If he were here... he'd probably wrap me up in his arms. Let me go slack. Melt me just with his presence, strength supporting my weakness, hands cleansing me of all this with a few light, deft touches... the depression, the stress, the annoyance and anger...

'cause you're my religion, you're how I'm living

when all my friends say I should take some space

Well I can't envision, that for a minute

when I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray'

I can't take it, and let myself have something good for once, imagining my hands are his as I let them roam my body. I can just imagine what he'd say, what he'd do, if he saw me like this: flushed, hot, needy for him... how he'd tell me I'm dirty, naughty, impatient, unrestrained, a bad girl, a good girl, beautiful, glorious, Brilliant...

As my body unravels itself, I can almost hear him: 'not so contrarian now, are we?'

As I come down from climax I'm warm, buzzing, blissed out, at peace. He'll be here soon. It'll all be alright.

But damn is it going to be inconvenient in the meantime. I pluck the earpods from my head, snapping them into their case, and check my messages again. No response. I circulate through various social media accounts before my brain and body come to an agreement: it is time to sleep. And I do, dreamless and serene.

Around 10:45 a.m., I'm awoken again by a series of knocks, less urgent than yesterday's, I assume because even Keiran must tire of his own bullshit.

I drag myself to the door, well aware another verbal sparring session is underway, and swing it open without even looking up.

"Listen, K, while I marvel at your ability to chastise and objectify me at the same time, I also think you should shove-"

When I finally drag my gaze upward, it's not Keiran.

[phalsery]

..

[hinamie]

もう一回、もう一回

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.