#but tbh if they're not then what do u even do
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DAY 75: onehat
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#siffrin isat#isat act 6 spoilers#twohat spoilers#isat spoilers#yea im tagging the onehat post twohat spoilers. watch me#..do we know what time of day it is when siffrin goes to the favor tree?#i always imagined the evening for some reason.#um so anyways. hey do you guys ever think about onehat. do you think about it#do you ever think about how siffrin never learning about loop and never getting closure with them#is just as valid of an ending as twohats. you dont have to get twohats. loop getting some catharsis isnt necessary to siffrin's narrative.#they asked to be here. they were here to help siffrin. and they did. and it ended#that's it.#i've always wondered if loop saw siffrin perform the ritual for them#i wonder if it would comfort them or not. if you ask them if they're a ghost they say yes (and no) after all#the tree is their grave.#something something from main character to stage director to sponsor to corpse#and with how arcane the prereqs for twohats are. yes you can get them naturally on a first playthrough but it's definitely not the majority#experience especially playing blind.#to give loop an ending you have to reach back in with both hands and grasp at that connection#i dont rlly know how to articulate it but it makes me feel a kind of way tbh. you only learn the prereqs (w/o guidance) by talking to loop#very frequently and paying attention to the hints they drop to you about the coin. labor of love situation#self love. siffrin reaching back for loop. We Are Getting Out Together Bitch#Is this anything i dont know that it is#idk onehat fascinates me a lot and im not even gonna touch on the onehats playthroughs where u actually do get the prereqs#i think there is a slight tendency among some fans tocharacterize loop as. more vindictive than they are? i guess?#it's easy to stare down loop's big twohats breakdown and see them bare their fangs and look into their anger#but loop's willingness to fade into nothing and leave siffrin alone shouldnt be forgotten i dont think
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ok for the sake of being true to canon the valg prince possessing Dorian did get scared of Manon and retreated for a few moments allowing the real Dorian to finally gain control.
And what did my man do? You'd think he'll ask for help or something along these lines, but nope. The only moments of freedom he had he used to rizz up the witch I mean priorities right???
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#dorian u had precious moments and what did u do with that???#find your future queen is what you did#that was so hot of him really#no wonder manon fell for that this man is something else completely#but at least she knew he could be saved so it's good?#mission accomplished???#manon and dorian's relationship was insane okay#no wonder they're the more kinky / hands on pair in the books#every time they're together they just can't keep to themselves???#sharing a tent? yeah that's perfect for them they don't even need two bed rolls#honestly even on the ship dorian was casually going to manon's room to either rile her up while's all chained and leave her there for 24#hours and finished what he started the next night#he was so cruel for that tbh#he knows exactly how to make her beg and he didn't spare a moment
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Funny that chilchuk has a thing for pretty blondes and ended up on a team that's half pretty blonde... Mr tims do u have anything to say for urself...
#i think he enjoys the eye candy and hates it#like before the laios monster hyperfixation reveal and the party getting closer do u think the touden siblings were like#chilchuks kinda hot coworkers that like... he's not interested but at least they're something nice to look at while you listen to them say#just the dumbest thing and its technically a labor violation and against your contract and you know its not bc theyre bad but#like. fr guys read thw damn contract#until you realize that you are trying to use your contract to get out of a company barbecue that honestly sounds kinda fun#they just aren't allowed to ask you what you're using your time off for even if its for planning#anyway.#he def likes big tiddy blondes and I mean. laios and falin are definitely that. interesting 🤔#im a chillaios enjoyer tbh#dungeon meshi#and marcille is also very pretty and blonde but I honestly think his dad instincts kicked in as soon as his ew elf instincts faded for her
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me vs eternal grudges abt d20 captions
#aspen tag#maybe i just need to start watching the backlog without them on tbh#bc every time i run into a godawful error. of which there is no shortage of. i get so frustrated i literally have to stop watching#and like. idk. the new form system is. i know there's probably practical benefits#but from where i am sitting it's just like. additional barriers. more steps. more energy#i watched the new dirty laundry earlier today. with the lightning flashing effect at the beginning#and i checked the desc to see if there was any sort of warnings on the vid and there was nothing#and i thought about pulling up the feedback form to say smth and i just felt tired#and like. idk if any of u were ever active in the discord's caption corrections channel before it shut down#i joined the dropout server for it. i was in there exclusively for it. bc they got on my nerves so bad and i couldn't just do nothing#you could look up a particular line and find reports of it going back months and months#and i get that it was probably not easily indexable. but w/ the way older d20 episodes are#it was a fucking blessing to be able to submit them in bulk. instead of submitting a form for each one individually like u have to now#bc they're like. every 30 seconds. you're lucky if you go a couple minutes without smth almost unparseable#and when there'd be things like unlabeled flashing. or the gore bear. and u start writing up a message on the discord#it's like. there's a sense of people. someone's reading. someone's seeing it. even in just the reacts. y'know#and like. they have retroactive caption editors to clean up the old stuff as of 2024#but i'm four minutes into tuc episode 2. their third season ever. second episode. four minutes in#and zac says “it's a concentration” and the captions read “white's a constant station”#and i just ..... i guess i find it hard to feel like there's work being done. or like it's a priority#i. me personally. sent messages in the feedback channel about jokes in the captions on at least five or six seperate occasions#and i know there were other people speaking up about it too. over months and months#and the past... however many seasons it's been since burrow's end. have been a little better. but it's like....#it took so long to see any change. and those older ones are going to stay in until the retroactive editors catch all the way up#and people are still going to laugh at them and post about them and not think past their own amusement at them#and it's not that big of a deal but it does like. detract from how much i am able to enjoy d20#and like. i've been watching for three years. i never shut up about it. it's not like i don't like what they make#but between all of this and the way they handled palestine on the discord. i'm just finding it harder to trust in dropout#idk. idk. it's not a big thing. but it simmers in the back of my mind a lot. i don't rlly think it's going to change anytime soon#so i guess this is just putting it somewhere so it doesn't have to sit in my head all the time. um. yeah 👍
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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decided to play around more with byan's hand tattoos bc i wasn't happy with a couple of them last time
like last time, cropped from this scar map bc i can barely draw these simple tattoos with the tools i have atm, let alone draw hands
#yes I painted their nails this time. that was just for fun.#and no I didn't draw the kuromi I used official art I'm sorryyyy I don't have the tools rn#if I ever get even just a better stylus I will do it myself but for now this has to do#anyway. there are still more I think buuuut I haven't settled on them OR they're too hard for me to draw rn so :/#I'm giving u what I'm capable of#much happier with it all this time tbh#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
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RAYLLUM S4 MEME: scenes [4/6] 4x06, “the drakewood”
This is all my fault. I left him alone. I shouldn’t have—Rayla, don’t. W-we can’t know what happened for sure. I mean, this is the path to Rex Igneous, right? So maybe he couldn’t climb out of the pit, so he had to keep going. You know him. He’s brave. He’s gotta be down there looking for Rex. He is brave. And reckless.
#rayllum#rayllumedit#s4#4x06#tdpedit#s4 meme#my edits#graphics#arc 2#personal fave#tag ramble#THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE BOYS BC NOT ONLY DOES IT SHOW THAT#rayla has All the same issues as before (if anything they're worse + some new ones)#but honestly? this is one of the most unconditionally loving things we've ever seen from callum tbh#bc she's beating herself up / they've barely talked (by his own choice mind u) and she's doing it over#specifically Leaving someone. Abandoning them#WHICH I DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHY THAT'S LOADED#but callum still steps in here - he knows what this is he's seen it before and he's not going to let her do it#even with all his hurt & how loaded it is he's still Callum he still Loves her and#he's going to give her alternatives. he's going to give her hope#and he doesn't fix it he Can't she's still miserable#but he gets her back on her feet#and i lowkey cry every time#3x04's spiritual successor but with Extra Pain on Both ends now y'know??
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tiers for s1 + s2 on my rewatch
#60threwatch#dw#dw meta#'wah wah s2 is so weak' bro what are u even going on about s2 is full of bangers???#legitimately wtf are people goingo n about#(and by people i mean /r/gallifrey sdlkjdfskl)#it *was* harder to rank tho bc i felt i was being too harsh on all the cybermen episodes#i feel they *could* be higher and maybe even fear her#but i dont know i do feel they were... less ambiguous maybe? s1 feels more strange. more undefined.#but those cybermen arc episodes for better or for worse are pretty clean cut on what they're about#i also think there's an interesting on how s1 def feels like a 90s show while s2 onwards feels 00s#maybe it's just the more polished production but it does affect the aesthetic experience 4 me#tbh i also should have made a new GOD tier for school reunion#literally i do not think new who would be what it is without this episode
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If Errol ever got into a genuine relationship, it's because someone misinterpreted one of his threats as flirting, and it all snowballed from there because they went for it
to be fair to the awful biker man my tastes are bad and the red flags on him even ignoring the threats are innumerable but red my favorite color so what it DO baybeeeee
more in tags ig if you want real damon ramble hours !
#damon.txt#erol#idk who you are jak and daxter anon but thank u...#i have no idea if my reads on characters are?? interesting to others but i'll write out some thoughts here i suppose!#erol's got a lot of?? frustrations as a person that i do not think any s/o could fulfill. like genuine to him is i think a yes man.#i definitely can see misinterpreting his threats as flirting tho. i mean i think that's what made my brainrot get this bad JKDHFJS#the SECOND his ego gets bruised he needs that reaffirmation/validation. idk if this makes any sense LOL#imo.. the two things he is committed to are whatever praxis says and his own ego. maybe torturing jak too tbh but mainly the other two#i accept the derangement i've been there too man. studying his brain under a microscope personally#the numerous atrocities are part of him and I've decided they're funny. cyber errol is very fucked but i liked him before it was cool#tl;dr this man needs. some form of therapy. or the electric chair. maybe even both /lh
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literally all the proof for the final and true fight being between will and vecna lies in the parallel between the s1 flashback scene when will and joyce are saying that sometimes the bad guys are smart too and that's why will the wise needs his fireballs vs s4 ending with will saying (that it's not enough to spy back) they need to Kill henry once and for all aka fireball his ass
#like . i don't even think this is me being biased bc i never thought anything more of will's true sight until s4 pulled back the curtain#and showed us what was really happening and thus forced us to rethink everything we've seen previously#and it feels kind of heavy handed tbh lol#and i didn't even start seriously looking into it until fall#so like. i do genuinely want to understand the opposing view but whenever i go onto the blogs that say this stuff#they're not pulling canon evidence to back up their beliefs#which is fine bc this is fandom not a peer reviewed journal or whatever lol#but like. if ur not going to use canon to back ur beliefs not even just for this one theory but for so many of ur#beliefs abt these characters then like . what are u even doing really lol
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also on the subject of "whoops the main character got written out of the story," if luffy isn't there, then there's nobody to go after arlong and stomp him immediately after he has the marines seize nami's savings, meaning she's just stuck in that situation where she's just been crushed and also everyone she's been trying to save has now decided to go throw themselves on arlong's crew's blades.
so maybe after that happens, she does manage to talk the cocoyasi residents into waiting a little bit longer, but only until, like, the very next time she returns. so when she goes out again with zoro (who i guess at this point is in the know about her situation), they're like, ok, fuck, we gotta pick up the pace. we can't just keep scraping up pennies anymore, we gotta go Big. what's the biggest most lucrative thing we can go after rn. ...so maybe they wind up pursuing the krieg pirates to the baratie
#the nemesis speaks#nami would fucking Kill sanji for feeding gin AND THEN DON KRIEG tbh. she almost had them!! they were such easy prey!! BITCH!!#...ooh and then maybe she drags him into helping her as payback for fucking up her plan there. that's fun#...does zoro also still fight mihawk there? ok nami has 2 ppl on her hitlist now#what would be fun tho i think. wrt luffy and plotwise. is if rather than being the inciting incident for everyone#he's the Very Last person from east blue to show up#one of them fishes him out of the ocean as one of the very last things that happens#and then having him around being. u kno. luffy. is the push they need to go after arlong directly rather than continuing to play his game#cause even if they buy back cocoyasi he'll still be out there and nami got suckered into caring about another village (usopp's)#so they're gonna do it. take a page out of cocoyasi's book they're gonna stop him or die trying
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i've definitely talked about it at least once before, but byan's palate is honestly pretty childish. like, don't get me wrong, they'll eat whatever you put in front of them when they need to, but the moment they aren't desperate enough that they can afford to be pickier? all the veggies are getting picked out. they would so happily live on nothing but instant ramen, pizza, and chicken nuggets if they could.
#i mean tbf they do kind of already live on instant ramen a lot of the time but u get what i mean#like this childish palate shows up a lot in the foods they choose to steal tbh but part of that is also how easy smth is to make#bc they don't always have access to a kitchen so they do be surviving on a lot of microwavable food#and look i'm not even making fun of anyone who eats like that bc i fuckin eat like that. i have a difficult relationship with a lot of food#but byan's never had the luxury of being particular and has had times in their life where they've had to eat some questionable things#just in order to survive so. yeah. once they're living a stable enough life#where they can afford to pick out all the greens u bet they fuckin will be doing that#ice cream for breakfast? don't mind if they do#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
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Was contemplating whether or not to rewatch the specials before watching and dreaming comes out and then I remembered that the last time I watched thanks to them and for the future was...(checks notes) 20 days ago (KEEP IN MIND I'VE ALREADY SEEN THE SPECIALS AT LEAST 4 OTHER TIMES) I think it's safe to say that. I Do Not Need To Do That
#ramblings of a lunatic#toh#i saw that post about needing to rewatch the source material to renew your fandom license (which was a good post and joke)#and now I'm too over cautious. i have seen this show so many fucking times#admittedly it's mostly out of love but some of it is out of neurosis#which is just a little fucked up#tbh rn if i could rewatch any episodes it'd probably be early season 1 since a) they're the most lighthearted#and b) they're the most far removed in my brain rn#I'm so excited for watching and dreaming but I physically cannot fucking think about it or I'll die#I'm rewatching ninjago w/ my friends rn (after having not seen it in YEARS and also only ever watching the first 2 seasons)#and let me tell u it is a Great distraction from the dread#like i said a while back I'm gonna be binging baby comfort media after the finale 😭😭😭#in the week leading up to it i think I'll make a bingo card with my friends tho depending on if we get new stuff#we got the thumbnail and i feel like a week before the episode they tend to post a clip or two from the ep?#thanks to them had both clips released concurrently at nycc (which was a good few weeks before the episode aired. maybe even a month)#and for the future got one clip a week or so before airing and then the day before airing as well i think#so I'm intrigued to see what the promo timeline will be like for watching and dreaming? they probably can't do too much#not without spoiling us lmao#maybe a week or few days before we'll get just a poster and maybe (if they have time) some crew art/promos#we'll see tho#(<- getting caught up in irl minutiae helps me distract myself. lol <3)
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i love the bobs burgers characters bcuz they are all so Fucking stupid <3 tina follows the rules and she's socially anxious and kinda a nerd but she also just gets like horrible grades no matter how hard she studies. gene gets bad grades and doesn't give a fuck bcuz he doesnt pay attention even though he is very musically gifted, louise is smart but failing every class bcuz she just Doesn't Care and bob and linda are both written to be kinda stupid and they both got bad grades when they were in school (especially linda) also tammy jocelyn zeke jimmy jr teddy mr fischoeder literally NONE of them are academically smart theyre all crazy weirdo rep and thats great
#i hate smart characters who do well in school and get amazing grades!!!! we need more dumbass idiot rep#it isnt even like theyre all stupid and have no idea whats going on they're just not academically smart or they literally dont care#all the kids are very talented in their own ways they just aren't like. good at school or paying attention LOL neurodivergent rep#all my ocs are fucking idjots so i can relate to this too sometimes nobody on ur show knows anything abt anything!!!! its realistic#and tbh most people in real life are not that smart and dont get good grades OR awful grades most people are average students#so it makes sense#sorry i just kinda hate smart academic characters in media theyre annoying and they piss me off sometimes#WE GET IT U GET GOOD GRADES!!!! UR BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE IDC#txt#bob's burgers
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which is fine, because love is love, and you're getting gay-married, so it would be kind of ironic if love was only sometimes love.
except The King Of Demons (his is Edmund) is always late, to everything, always. which is fair, because time doesn't work in hell, and it's not like he can just catch a bus. except that you specifically asked him not to do this, didn't you, because he's always doing things like this.
He splays out his hands, the light catching on long, ivory claw tips. god, doesn't he know not to wear white to a wedding?
so many people are screaming right now.
it's not that he's the golden child. you guys had normal parents, middle-class. your mom was kind of an "almond mom," according to your fiancée, who pursed their lips when they found out about how your mom used to wrinkle her nose any time you asked for an extra snack in your lunchbox.
you close your eyes for a moment. think of your beautiful almost-spouse. ashe. their name like a bloom inside you. how the dress looks on ashe's body, their shy little smile. how they'd walked down the aisle, and you'd both been half-laughing, half-crying. your hands had trembled when you saw them. like the whole world was pouring down your throat, golden. like you were catching a moment and casting it in amber.
ashe'd been the one to help you when your parents were pushing for you to invite edmund. god, the amount of fights you'd gotten in with your parents - the same six sentiments, over and over again.
you'd been sitting on your bed, biting your lip, your fingers hovering over the little button send. ashe'd nuzzled your neck. you used to be close, and i think that's important. but you know your relationship to him the most. i'm willing to make the effort, and i love you no matter what you choose, they'd said. we don't have to if you don't want to, though, no matter what your parents say about him.
you'd thrown yourself down, supine, arm over the eyes. he's just... we are just.... you tried to phrase that-which-is-love-and-rage.
you're the normal twin. your "big thing" was only "being a lesbian." in high school, edmund started being able to make birds die by looking at them. you came home, trying to tell your parents i kissed a girl. i think i'm - and they just kind of nodded at you. edmund was eating the bible in front of them, like a goat.
on the bed, you'd held your hands out vaguely to ashe. edmund is a just always a lot.
ashe had shrugged. don't invite him then. and it was that - that they were okay with either of your decisions - that is why he even got an invite, in the end.
and now here he is, like how you wanted (?), and your hands are red, clenched hard around your bouquet. the officiant is crying. some people are on their knees, praying. some are trying to touch your brother, like he could impart a blessing.
"i made it!" he's triumphant. "i know i'm late, i'm sorry, there was - do you know anything about right-wing politicians?"
"i'm going to fucking kill him," you say, although you're not actually sure who you're talking to, or if he can be killed.
ashe is blinking, their face in a tiny oh of surprise. you take their hand, drop their hand, take their hand again. they blink at your brother. their voice is low but steady. "there's, um. is there a dark halo around him?"
you duck your head to meet their eyes. "fuck, ashe. i'm sorry. he wasn't supposed to -"
"did i miss it?" Edmund is swinging his head around far-too-wide. his 2 sets of horns leave little red mist any time they scour through the air. "I didn't miss the kiss, right?"
the town clerk is in the audience, and she's frowning. you send her an apologetic look. she shakes her head. "as we've discussed," she manages to throw her gentle voice over the din, "the wedding isn't official if someone objects. that is the legal statute. which people tend to be understanding of." she sends a dirty look to edmund, and that makes you love her. she seems completely calm, which makes sense, because she works in the town hall, and this probably isn't even her first demon-showing-up-at-a-wedding.
he somehow hears her, holds his hands up. "i'm not objecting!" the back of the event hall catches on fire. of-fucking-course. "i'm not - don't mind me, uh, please continue." edmund sends a look to the back-of-the-room fire and it whimpers and gutters out. he flashes you a winning smile, and then puts his hand to his king's-garb chest and mouths sorry! and then cartwheels his glittering talons to say go ahead.
"i think i'm going to throw up." the officiant's voice is barely a whisper.
you watch in horror as edmund tries to awkwardly slide into a waiting line of chairs. the sound of begging follows him, people on their knees at hell's king. he pats a few of them on the head, holding up his finger in a sheepish shh! while his touch leaves a bleeding rune on their skin. his hooves click, and his footprints leave ruby-bright fireroses in his wake.
he tries to sit down, but the wooden chairs are made for people and not the lord king of demons, so he has to span his furred hindquarters over two seats. he smiles again, offers you a little wave.
the room is dead silent, minus the weeping. you look back to ashe. you ruined this. you shouldn't have invited him. you spent so much money on this event, and ashe looks so fucking handsome, and you haven't even gotten to kiss them. to make it official.
ashe looks up at you, manages a little smile. "could be worse?"
you feel yourself start to smile too, but then edmund's chairs give out, and he falls directly on the floor, and with his startled yelp, everything around him bursts into the cold whip-crease of hellflame, disintegrating everything that isn't-a-person, including the flowers and the decorations and the cake and the tables. everything you saved for months to be able to afford. the venue that you both agonized over choosing. you picked this place because it was significant to both of you and was equidistant from both your parents and had a deal with the local hotel for people coming out of town. two years of planning, literally burning down around your ears.
edmund manages to stop the fire pretty much immediately, but it's too late. the officiant faints clear away. the town clerk gives you a sympathetic look and mouths see you soon and steps neatly out of the room, taking ashe's parents with her, chatting gently. an arched flower frame collapses into dust with a loud whoomp. pretty much nobody is left in the building, and you're standing at the top of the steps, at the fucking hour of your marriage, and there is nothing left but blue-cold embers, the lights blown out in favor of the eerie hellfire glow.
you sit down, hard. after a few seconds, you feel ashe sit down next to you. you put your head between your knees so you don't puke with rage, which would be somehow more humiliating than everything else happening at the moment.
"okay, it's definitely too soon," they whisper in your ear, "but i have to admit there is something that's going to be so funny later about my name being ashe and my wedding going up in flames." they wrap their hand in yours. "i can't believe we worried about candles. we should have just gone with them instead of worrying about safety. are you okay?"
you send them a look. "am i - am i okay? this absolute bitch -" you gesture with your free hand out to where edmund is trying to piece together the cinders of his chair, "ruined my fucking wedding."
your mom is standing awkwardly in what used to be the "family" row of chairs. your father is absent, of course. she makes a noise at you. "don't call your brother a bitch."
"oh my fucking god." you have to put your head between your knees again, fighting that stupid fucking rage-puke urge. your blood pressure has obviously reached "skyrocket".
"he's here, isn't he? you're not being particularly grateful," your mother says, because of course she does.
"oh my god! ohmygod. ohmygod." you feel yourself hyperventilating, and then you start laughing, and you hate the hyena hysteria of it, the way it pitches dangerously close to a sob. "this is just - this is just like you! this is the fucking - you blow out the candles on the birthday cake! you curse the kids i'm trying to babysit! you get straight-A's on every test without studying, and get all the friends, and everyone is obsessed with you! and then when i graduate from art school, do i fucking get a party? nope! but hey, let's throw edmund a party for his 300,000th tortured soul! and his 300,001st! and fucking everything else. and fuck me, i guess! edmund gets hurt on the playground, let's burn down the playground. i got fucking bullied, and our parents don't even notice. i am fucking struggling, but we need to pay attention to edmund. he gets fucking everything. while we're at it, why don't we let him fucking ruin my wedding!"
you are dimly aware of ashe wrapping one arm around you and then the other, and then you are sobbing into their shoulder.
"oh, come on. stop with the hysterics," your mother chides you. "you had a perfectly fine childhood. all kids fight. you should have gotten the ceremony done faster. and you know i didn't approve of you spending all this money when you have student loans to -"
"respectfully," ashe's voice is cold and cutting while they rub circles on your shaking back, "and i know you're about to be my mother-in-law, but -" you hear them force a smile, "maybe you could choose this moment to leave your daughter the fuck alone?"
you are so fucking in love with ashe at that moment that it stops your weeping like you got hit by a truck. you look up at them, and want to go back to crying, just overwhelmed by the sheer fucking amount you care about them, but then you look over at your mother, and her shocked expression, and you burst out laughing.
your mother makes a few almost fish-like motions with her mouth, and then turns on her heel, stomping over cinders on her way out. and then it is just you and ashe and edmund and how you are half-crying half-laughing quietly to yourself, like a tap that won't stop dripping.
edmund has put the chair down. he is staring at his hands. he is at least 500 pounds and over 7 feet tall (he doesn't use metric, he's the devil). and somehow, right now, he just looks... small. crestfallen.
"yeah, i mean." his voice cracks. there's no boom of thunder or hellhound echo. he sounds like he did as a kid, before the strange powers and the levitating and the souls of the damned. he sounds like he did the night he accidentally melted most of the pieces in your first glass art show. he sounds - like your brother. he puts the heel of his palm against his eye. "i ruined my sister's wedding."
ashe offers him a little half-grin. "i do just want to say i love the aesthetic, by the way. but you did very much ruin my wedding too."
he points at them, finger-guns. "....ruined their wedding too." something in the attempt at humor - how his voice breaks on the words, how lonely he sounds. it makes you have to close your eyes against the sound. "....you seem cool," he says. "it's... it was nice to meet you."
you hear him come over, his hooves clacking slowly on the floor. when you open your eyes, he's sitting closer to you.
he opens his hand. inside are two little ceramic figures. wedding cake toppers. "i... i made them for you two. i figured i would try - how you make art, without magic. i... i took a class, and i made - i made them." he looks down at the little white-dressed people in his wide, calloused palm. "it's... i wanted to be ... good. i..." he looks at you, and then at ashe. "i tried, you know?"
ashe reaches up, lets him roll the figures into their palm.
he stands up. folds his hands in front of himself. "i don't. know how to be good. i know it doesn't come naturally to you, either. i saw you... choose. to be kind. you could have treated me different, too. like everybody? i was weird, and everyone knew. if you'd been ... mean? it would have been okay. but you." he shrugs. "one time you tried to kill me in the bathroom."
you don't know why you're crying. you look up at him through the cracks between your fingers. "twice," you croak. "but the second time i had a knife." you tuck your hair behind your ears. "but that was only after you pushed me down the stairs at grandma's and i broke my leg before a dance performance. you fuckin' deserved that one."
"i pushed you because you were being a wretched bitch."
"hey now," ashe says, a little edge to their voice, "that's my wife."
you squeeze their hand. "no, he's right. i had deleted his pokemon gold save file right before the elite four."
ashe drops your hand like you scalded them, showing the only horror you've seen this whole time. "you - girl, what the fuck?"
you shrug a little. "i was being a wretched bitch. and he did break my leg about it."
edmund shifts a little. "i just - you are...." his voice dies.
in your family, you don't say i love you. in your family, you don't touch each other or show affection. in your family, you just show up for each other, quietly. neither of you knows how to speak or process what needs to be said. you can see that lacking flashing over his face, literally playing out in shades of crimson. you get that weird twin-sense of something unsaid.
ashe sets the little ceramic people to the side. "she treated you like a person when everyone else treated you like a prophet."
you cut your eyes to them, and then edmund, who gives you one very short, sharp nod. "i, uh. i can. never try." he clears his throat. "i can never try hard enough. for that. i can - what you gave me. by. doing that. by ... just. i made. one thousand. wedding toppers. so it could be perfect. because - i ... it needed to be perfect." he appears to be dying of embarrassment, which does imply he might be capable of dying. oh good. in case i need to try to kill him a third time.
the thought makes a weird, wet laugh bubble out of you. "remember that one time i failed my math test and you set mr. fog's car on fire about it?"
edmund looks shyly at you, and a very small grin spreads across his face. not the dark lord - just a 30-something year old man who has just upset his one-and-only twin.
"you're throwing us the most ostentatious, egregiously expensive wedding," you tell him. "above land."
he frowns a little. "okay, but i'm not doing anything in miami. the vibes there give me the heebie jeebies."
ashe holds up their hand. "and you'll be repaying the deposit on literally everything. oh, and replacing the cake."
you kiss their cheek and then point to him. "and you'll be on time for it."
he shrugs a little. "okay, i literally can't perform miracles, so like. set the bar lower. i can't promise i'll-"
you look down at your feet. "i'd like you to be my man of honor this time. like. by my side. so. you can't be late this time. okay? we do it the right way. finally."
"huh," ashe says, looking between the two of you. "you guys have the same smile."
edmund's grin becomes a little wider, a little easier. he raises an eyebrow at them. "okay, i get that you're cool, but you're like, very cool about this whole thing."
ashe lifts a shoulder. "used to work for the monster under the bed."
"oh shit, simon? fuck." he points to them. "remind me not to mess around with you."
you want to tell edmund i love you and i missed you, but you can't. instead, you pick up the figurines. they're not perfect, but you can tell hours of his life went into each. his hands are so big - it must have taken him so much work to make these things so small. you picture him with his back bent over a workbench, trying to get a face into a tiny clay figure. the ceramic version of you is smiling. he's given you little fangs and a unibrow. he gave ashe a tiny yellow crown. you make the two figures kiss.
snow is falling indoors, little icicles of hellfire. ashe reaches out and take edmund's hand, and then, very awkwardly, he reaches out and takes yours too.
for a moment, it's just the three of you, and the beautiful quiet of the room.
You’re standing at the altar, about to get married to your beautiful fiancée. When suddenly the king of demons bursts through the door of the room, which naturally causes panic. You tried to warn everyone that inviting your sibling to the wedding would mean trouble, but they kept insisting.
#SO long.#but also about like. siblings.#in this is one of the only times we learn the writer is in fact a middle child#i keep my family out of my writing which means i almost never write about sibling dynamics#but it's out of respect for their privacy#so gettin to play with the dynamics of siblings is fun when it's clearly not about us :)#but im very lucky to say im close with both of them!!#also somewhat been on both sides of this - being both like the Good Kid that is Unnoticed#and also the Complete Mess that fucks things up for their sibling without meaning it#this author has been permanently fucked up by that one scene in lilo & stitch#some of the real ones will identify ashe as being one of the only characters i've ever repeated#in the inkskinned universe#ps: i very carefully called it an event space and not a church :) they are not getting married in a church!!#1. they're getting gay married. so they might not even be able to get married in a church. & 2.#she really did want him to come. she chose a place he could come. he was just late and accidentally ruined it#(based on what my anxiety thinks will happen if i am late to events. im like. oh it would ruin everything and burn the place down.#better be safe and be there 3 hours early and then wait in my car for an hour and a half)#ps ps ps this is based off my relationship with my siblings so some of it is just like. sibling sense . i cannot explain#but the reason he brings up the fact she tried to kill him 2x as evidence she treated him the same is like -#she tried to kill him bc he is her brother and u try to kill your siblings sometimes#she was on that cain instinct.#but usually people respond like how we see in the story - screaming and worship and yes he absolutely has ppl tryna kill him#to like ''save the world'' when he's really just there to like do a job. HE didn't invent hell. he just runs it#and like i fully believe even before he had his powers he had the Sibling Instinct of like - she's not killing you bc of what you are#(the devil) she's tryna kill you bc of what you are to HER (her brother) . and i think that . really mattered to him#tbh low key became obsessed with this concept and was like. it would be such a good short-run tv show . fleabag style#bc i would write the demon king to be like. what it feels like to be neurodivergent. that no matter what you do . it STILL feels like you'r#never able to hide how inhuman you are. that you're always going to be alien to these people.#and just have the entire first season start here and be about him trying to throw a wedding for his twin sister#second episode is him in a farmer's market trying to find a good florist for it . just picture the dialogue with me. please.
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#personal#i took my current job over one other offer cuz i felt like it was a tolerable place to ride out the recession that was obvious then#which we didn't have..... cuz we got the bidenomics soft landing (which the average american apparently does not like)#but i def made the right choice cuz we got our open enrollment documents and they're eating the difference of cost in health#insurance again 3 yrs in a row :)#so no health insurance premium raise other than $1 on the dental biweekly#and........ no change in coverage!! yippeeeeeee!!!#i have coworkers complain about our wages constantly and like.... a) we're paid above median for the field.... i checked#and b) our benefits are insane..... we have so much non taxed income.... better 401k match than average......and good health insurance#and they just.... DONT USE THE BENEFITS PACKAGE?#like that's the point.....?#like i know ppl leaving 5k on the table by not using their 401k match and my dudes that's 5k of free money even if it's trapped#and two years of that......... 10k is what u can pull with no penalty for first time home downpayment from ur 401k#so water they doing?#but yeah.... looks like my only FEAR FEAR during this shitshow is like.... something nuking fully obamacare#bcuz the subsidy is done w/ cuz it expires in 25...... but the preexisting conditions clause is in nys law already#(and ma.. ct.. nj.. most of new england tbh.. oregon.. ca.. wa etc.)#i mean im on employer plan...with no subsidy...........so it's only that godforsaken ''throw disabled ppl into the debt woodchipper''#permission somehow being allowed in nys against our state constitution that could hurt /me/
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