#but still. it feels so arbitrary
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an odd quirk of drawing for this pairing is since one party doesn't have genitals i can post stuff here that would not fly with assorted meats
#text post#now it's still risque and i'm tagging it so your boss doesn't see at work#but still. it feels so arbitrary
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...visdev really is my enrichment activity for i am just a bored tiger in my enclosure, looking to figure out how to get this steak out of this metal ball.
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my tmnt au (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)
tmnt au part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
tmnt au omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
lny visit 1 | 2
also uhhh... i guess still idw, next mutation, and like 1 mirage spoiler? mostly for the kids who haven’t but were planning to read/watch
you’re about to perceive so much
p r e p a r e
so close to getting this AU looking as crunchy as i want it, almosttttt tttthhhhhere...!
just somewhere tasty between Mignola’s use of deep black shadow, what MTV Liquid Television woulda greenlit re: The Maxx, a dash of 2007, 1 part Next Mutation, 2 parts funny proportions
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh str ugglingggg
Leo’s shortest because haha (family baby gang, get rekt)
this is so much thought for something I’m just doing to give these turtle ninjas some softness and the genx/millenial pop culture references gag comics
Splinter is full of ghosts
(specifically the onryo borne from the murdered Yoshi Hamato and Tang Shen [because oroku saki a bitch])
[ redacted ] and Tang Shen’s ghost gained control and guided Splinter to raise the boys in love and not [ redacted ] to [ redacted ] in [ redacted ]
Splinter was just a regular little rat... who on his 1000th birthday witnessed the death of his friend/unwitting master and his wife, and thus transformed into a wrathful kyūso (minus the kitten eating) and chased Shredder until losing his trail in New York
Shredder’s fuck around and Splinter’s rampaging as the find out caused the tengu to repo some of the mysticism from ninjutsu
now all the (remaining) ninja clans debuffed and mad about it
The tengu bestowed the ninja the ability to summon shit (kuchiyose), enact mystical effects upon people and objects (kuji kiri), going invisible, minor flight (actually just qinggong/light body technique), and manipulation of the 5 elements, and creating doubles (bunshin)
but again, Shredder fucked up so now ninja can like barely control anything bigger than a lit torch or a 16 oz bottle of liquid and that’s if you got in enough hours to do even that
I mentioned elsewhere but for me in any AU I make, Venus is a cultivator and the more I think about it the more I will die on this hill, not only does it fit better than her being a “shaman” or “shinobi” it’s sick as fuck
Jennika’s origin was pretty fkkn metal, she still falls in with the Foot, gets shanked, Leo gives blood-- bam, turtle time
Jennika goes to hang with Venus in China and get a better understanding of her new turtle body
Keno’s here, still tried to infiltrate the Foot (with Jennika) but bugged out when she couldn’t stay without being made (Jennika refused to leave womp)
teaches Leo some arnis techniques for Leo’s dual wielding; Donnie also just in case his bo is shattered... again. :)
Irma has made all the boys blush at least twice
Irma is also soap opera buddies with Splinter
they meet up at least twice a month to gab, gush, and groan over what’s currently going on in their stories, when Venus visits she also joins in, Irma also has a conversational grasp on Japanese and Venus’ regional dialect because of these visits
April has a full out shoujo manga romance with Chu Hsi
and he’s a hot dragon prince uhuhuhuhuhu
Irma is privy to all the steamy details
keeping Leo and Karai as character foils
both received scars from one another
both released each other from sealing wards from [ redacted ]
now they just meet every so often to eat the greasiest fast food and unclench of an hour
Raph still gets his ass worked by Ninjara, folded like an omelette sat on a lawn chair
Vam Mi is also here, she’s fought first (because honestly she should’ve been either brought in earlier in the season or had a few more episodes because that shit coulda resolved better)
Venus is brought to NYC for this antagonist instead of Dragonlord escaping (and murdering her father figure forcing her to seek out his friend Splinter for aid)
Donnie doesn’t take the news of real vampires or real magic well
Donnie and Venus have a knock down drag out fight over it (because they’re 17 at this point and being li’l shits to each other about their respective fields of expertise)
“The nerds are fightingggggg!” cries Mikey, Leo and Raph don’t believe it so imagine their surprise when they get a demo in real time on how scary competent staff fighters are
Leo gets Splinter when one of Donnie’s missed strikes cracks the concrete
Splinter breaks them up like talking a walk in the park and it’d be comical if they both weren’t bleeding from the mouth and peppered with swelling contusions
Venus begins accepting Donnie when his tech prevents her from becoming a thrall of Vam-Mi
Donnie begins accepting Venus when she uses a massive amount of chi to manipulate gravity just before he becomes street pizza when Vam-Mi throws him off a bridge
they also combine skill sets to save Mikey so there’s that
Venus goes from calling Donnie, “Horatio (derogatory)” to “Horatio (affectionate)”
they now have a dumbass long-as-fuck handshake that’s unforgivably nerdy
April is still a magic drawing-brought-to-life baby, Venus puts her in a painted scroll when she starts phasing in and out of existence (she and Chu Hsi have a great time in the scroll... while everyone is shitting bricks until Venus and her sect stabilize her and get her made real, Pinocchio style)
April’s grandmothers gifted Venus 2 pieces of jade jewelry, and her family’s recipe for sweet potato pudding respectively for saving April
the boss fight against Dragonlord is dope as fuckkkkk, Chu Hsi is being cool as fuck, fiddled with some concepts* that has Leo and Karai being a champion of Genbu, Raph for Byakko, Mikey for Suzaku, Chu Hsi’s retainer (a good dragon, wink wonk) steps in for Seiryu because Donnie and Venus are siphoning and redirecting an enormous amount and variety of mystical power
*i’m just pulling from fushigi yugi honestly
splinter, the boys, and venus (and others) mutating from mutagen laced toxic waste was a pure accident
Splinter was investigating a lead on Shredder’s movements concerning the Foot the same night an animal liberation sleeper cell ‘freed’ some animals from the back of a pet store (that was a front for black market domestic and exotic animal trafficking) that is also the same night a stolen truck driven by some corporate spies filled with a competitor’s chemical waste, which then collides with said liberation sleeper cell’s truck and... ooze happens
Leatherhead, the Mutanimals, Mondo, Mona Lisa, Slash also get mutated from the events of that night, either leading up to or following the aftermath
plus some others etc etc
Venus still washes down the gutter, gets rube goldberg pinballed onto a crate of plums where Chung I finds her and still gets named Mei and taken to live in China and eventually learns to cultivate
Tokka and Rahzar get made, and unmade ala TMNT II; the mutagen made them a little silly tho, April adopts Rahzar and passes him off as a low content wolfdog, Leatherhead takes in Tokka
April went through a couple of major changes so now she’s a journalist with a computer programming background who now does a podcast as an informal neighborhood news reporter with a segment for chatting with people from around the street
Mikey’s the most frequent guest and co-hosts sometimes; Donnie troubleshoots free of charge
Venus brings her province’s regional delicacies when she comes to visit, Splinter and Leo both get pu er tea cakes (she managed to get one the same age as him; Splinter is too old so she got the oldest she could find, Leo has so many tea pets and a nice yixing collection); Raph, Keno, and Casey fight over the pickles, meat jerkies, and chili oil; Mikey has an artillery of cool shirts and a lifetime supply of haw flakes, Donnie has a mountain of doodads with increasingly specific uses, April gets neat accessories and the occasional care package sent with Venus from her grandparents, uncles, and aunties; Irma gets neat frames and coats that never fail to get a “Where did you get that??”
Raph rides a Kawasaki Ninja because it’s funny
A lot of bodegas give Mikey free snacks because the bodega cats love him, and he’s also saved some from being run over or ripped apart by stray dogs or the few large angry raccoons
Donnie’s the only one of his brothers to wear both a top and bottom with shoes because once he figured out how to integrate a motherboard and miscellany wiring onto clothing... he’s been a walking computing menace ever since
Splinter does his best to enjoy his time with his sons (because as a kyūso, he knows the chances of outliving his precious sons is very high (ᴗ‿ᴗ✿) ...give or take one of the many opponents and obstacles his sons take on takes him out first ( ◕ᴗ◕✿ ) )
god whathefuck, I was just going to make silly comics for them. how did it come to this.
#i'm so curious#some of you kids tag this shit as 2003#and i'm ???#i'm not subtle about being an elder millenial#or about who my childhood turtles were#i love trash#i love the next mutation#like is it to keep your tag active?#i feel like it's probably the thing#where someone assumes they're interacting with someone of their same xyz#which honestly? fair#a lot of the TMNT fans I see are 03 or 12 fans#there's a few other Turtlemania survivors around that I see#but not a lot of us#:(#...i'm still laughing at that poll#with the arbitrary age cut off being 37+#sorry poll op#it's just... it was literally oddly specific#ba dum tss#if you know why I used apples as a measurement...#...hahaha you also like Sanrio#if you know who I based Irma off of...#can you blame me#Nadia is who Irma would be#if she kept the cheek but mellowed out a li'l#so much weird shit happened to her#so of course she'd simultaneously be#blase cheeky and wry#visdev is my enrichment activity
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Does anyone else suffer from the disbelief that they are their age?
#I either feel 40 or 17. no in between#I can’t believe I’m in my twenties and some do my friends are getting masters#but more power to them!#or perhaps it is the relative freedom from not feeling bound to an arbitrary timeline and having the space to mentally breathe and explore#that I miss#but once you leave the structure of education (either after graduating from whatever is secondary school at your country/dropping out or#post grad education. things get weird#I’m realizing that some people (attempt to) follow these arbitrary timelines because they want to get married and (maybe) have kids#but….i don’t want that. which is quite freeing#I used to be of the ‘dating for marriage’ mindset but not now#idk it seems like a lot to look for someone who ticks all your romantic checkboxes and also ltr checkboxes#and kids are expensive so not having them is very financially freeing#and just…time freeing I guess#I think generally I’m not a very social person. and I don’t really start itching for socializing unless I’m literally isolated (like I was#literally yesterday)#and a lot of things I like to do I tend to do solo#like lifting. for me to get to my physique goals I’ll practically be in the gym almost everyday for ~2 hrs. and yeah I don’t *need* to be#that extra but I have that choice to decide whether to overtrain my body or crank out overtime or be in my routine executive dysfunction#spirals (ok that’s not really a choice but still)#and I need time to decide on which hobby to ditch and bounce from each time haha#basically I don’t think I’m ltr material. and that’s ok. im just out here enjoying my life#once you’re out of an educational structure (idk abt yall in academia) you can choose whether to follow a set path. and maybe that’s what#you want idk. but you should also examine whyyy you want the thing. do you want to get married to a man and have kids because YOU want that#or because everyone else is doing it? and you don’t want to stand out or feel like your failing in life. meanwhile you might not even like#men or hate prenthood.#imma end it here I have things scheduled (yay) and I need to shower#uchiha-gaeshi ramblings#uchiha-gaeshi overshares#life#txt
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I hate society’s arbitrary assumption that People Of The Opposite Sex Cannot Possibly Ever Live Together Unless They Are Married And/Or In A Relationship
#I am just. worried my best friend and I will get split up if we get this job together over the summer#I don’t want to room with someone ‘of the same sex’ I want to room with someone I am comfortable with#and there is no world in which I am more comfortable with some stranger who happens to be the same sex than I am with him#it just feels so stupid and unfair#like just because of the way I was born you can’t trust me to live with this person I know and trust and would be a good roommate with. like#idk. that just seems completely stupid and arbitrary to me.#I understand the worry but there are literally so many ways to worry about it#gay people exist. trans people exist. like how are we going to keep justifying this#idk. idk!#I thought the application process for this was over after I had my interview but I still have to audition 🫠#which makes sense. but they did not inform me about it. so I suppose I will be making a day trip again soon#mine
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re: my previous post, i think if you were to stage a version of ros & guil are dead and wanted to highlight the "they're stuck in a time loop because that's the nature of theater (in the modern day)" thing at the end, the best way to do it would be to have the last thing be the messenger's voice coming from offstage, calling ros and guil's names and telling them they've been summoned by the king of denmark. don't show ros and guil waking up, but have that be the obvious implication; that after all this, they don't get to rest, because they have a long journey — the same long journey — ahead of them — again.
#this way the last tableau we're left with -- the last thing we see -- is still the “important” hamlet characters#so it doesn't undermine the driving in of the cruel irony that this story was never really ros and guil's#and it doesn't undermine the lads disappearing from view (dying) by showing them immediately alive again#rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead#ragad#also imo this version would make it clearer that each performance of the show is one loop (and thereby that it's inherent to the medium)#where having them return to the top of the show before curtain makes the timeloop feel more divorced from it and arbitrary
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one teach a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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new hair new hair!
Before:
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After:
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#image id in alt text#ive been planning this for so long#i decided a while ago that dora's act iii change would happen after the house of grief#(something something the weight of memories and forgetting)#(something something letting go of people who are already dead)#(something something forgetting is not mercy)#and. she may be going through a little teensy tiny bit of a faith crisis#her braids *were* a way to reclaim an aspect of her culture#(a 'fuck you' to the rigid & arbitrary restrictions drow society imposed on expression & a *specific* 'fuck you' to the noble houses)#(she's common-born so wearing her hair in braids was illegal while she was living in the underdark)#(it doubled nicely as a way to keep her long hair out of her way)#so her cutting it off was a way to fully move on- accepting the parts of her culture & environment she still appreciates#without feeling subconsciously like she has to remain connected to everything#and. you know. the whole “hair holds memory”/“cutting hair as a form of grief” thing#i was set on the wizardly updo hair for her but im. undecided. i tried most of the short hairs though so idk what the alternative would be#hairstyle changes faces SO much#noticed that with corentin too#bg3#bg3 tav#diodore#the star's shield#bg3 screenshots#bg3 drow#drow paladin#oath of ancients paladin#my post#jay rambles#blood cw
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#pickle pontificates#EVERY TIME I THINK I'VE SUCCESSFULLY KILLED MY INNER PERFECTIONIST IT COMES BACK WITH A VENGEANCE. AGHHHHHHH#pair that sucker with the fact that I always think I'm right and Wow#sometimes I get a near-physical reaction to watching someone do something I perceive to be Wrong#and like. my whole life I have been trying to be more empathetic and charitable and understanding and I think I am#but there are still times where something's Wrong but I know it doesn't HAVE to be#and I really really seriously have to battle to figure out whether jumping in and Fixing is actually appropriate/my business#or whether I just need to chill out and pretend it's not happening#I don't want to be obnoxious. really I don't. I want to value people's feelings more than semi-arbitrary guidelines#but the person I'd like to be sure doesn't always come naturally#edit: and furthermore people who can't take a hint and always have to be right and can't shut up are some of my least favorite people irl#i like myself just fine though. (because I live in my head and obviously I am the one who's actually always interesting and right. sarcasm)#and this goes way back. i had a feud with this one babysitter when i was like 8 because she would start arguments just so she could win them#(totally not a thing I did. and still do)#and I couldn't beat her because she was like 14 and I was 8 but I never let her win either#she was one of the few people I ever hated. and it was because she was too similar to me. hah
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even though i feel like i can confidently tell when a piece of art is generative A/I, i really don't feel inclined or really even justified calling someone out for it due to the precedent it sets - especially when artists who DO make their own pieces get caught in the crossfire for being inexperienced or making the choice to be more free-form when it comes to character design / consistency...
#i can't even really put into words how I can Tell#other than like... random blurry details in areas that would not logically have those details blurred - for styles imitating digital art#what i mean by this is: you can kind of tell when and where a type of tool has been used when it comes to digital pieces#if it looks like an artist grabbed the smudge tool and used it in a small area surrounded by crisper details ... it seems like an arbitrary#- and thoughtless decision#especially when it comes to character design pieces#this blurriness is also present in a type of style that wouldn't see much reason to use the smudge tool at all .. such as a cell shaded -#- toon style with thick outlines#i think what bothers me about this whole debacle is how we're setting up an environment where people feel inclined to lie about using-#-generative tools... part of the problem is the foundation of a/i art to be using people's work without . permission. im sure a good amount#-of artists wouldnt have minded MAKING pieces to be used solely for these type of tools#since generative art has been used as an excuse to replace artists in an attempt to render their work unnecessary or obsolete ... it's -#- become politicized and viewed as anti-artist. which. fair enough. it was pitched and sold that way#but even if like... these initial problems were addressed i feel like there'd still be a lot of stigma associated with generative art#since a lot of people's beef with it is the fact that it feels soulless. and i feel like that has to do with how the generated works are -#- being passed off as completed full pieces and not have any transformative work done upon them#i always joke about like 'they should invent art that's easier to make' ... but i don't want the hard work on my end replaced#just some help really. or guidance on completing my own work. A/I could have -possibly- been used as another form of reference#(if it were more competent. i think it's sloppy as hell in its current state)#but before it was uh... hugely controversial and right when generative A/I got more competent? i actually saw it as a toy.#i wanted to play with it and see what would come out... im honestly just more-so frustrated that it's viewed as on-par or better than-#-work done by human beings. what makes something art to me is if it's been transformed by human intention and connection#and i don't get how it's snobby to dislike A/I art for that reason. why do y'all think artists love when people dissect and examine their-#-work ? art is about human connection. we have ancient monuments and abandoned cave paintings we know nothing about-#- but are captivated by because we want to know WHY they're there. WHO made them. and for what reason#and i think a/i art is a painful reminder for a lot of artists that to a lot of people art is only valued through aesthetic merit#no acknowledgement for an artist's hard work .. their life .. all the personal intention behind their work#it's the commodification being thrown back in our faces tenfold#another tag essay by me. shiloh
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#hashtag. hashtag#their symbols/horns r pretty arbitrary like u kinda just have to choose one#but i put thought into everything else#turning other characters into trolls is so hard bc canon trolls have mostly black outfits but i wanted them 2 still be recognizable..#i tried to keep into account their caste tho like canadas outfit is pretty bland#compared 2 france. etc#their weapons are either from canon or their countries history#aph russia#aph america#aph canada#aph france#aph england#aph china#ALSO i wanted a balance between characters who rep their colours and those who dont#like england doesnt wear teal and america doesnt wear cerulean#but china n france wear their colours!#russia and canada do but it feels more lowkey since their colours r more neutral#hetalia
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i guess i'm an adult now
#or at least a pretend adult allowed to sit at the big people table#studio party people talking about taxes and gas prices and explaining the electoral system and i'm like damn adult moment i guess#one guy really said with his whole chest SO WHO DID EVERYONE VOTE FOR#and everyone was like WOAH RULE NUMBER ONE OF THANKSGIVING (he's not american idk how long he's been here) NO TALKING ABT POLITICS#and so we just sorta talked around it but it was funny and interesting#people explained gerrymandering and the electoral college to him#funny cuz THAT conversation started cu someone else (also not american) goes 'wait there's one thing i still don't understand#about the united states' and all the americans went ONLY ONE?????#lmao#bluebird.txt#i literally played in front of them an hour ago and our studio is like mostly grad students#so it's quite easy to feel indimidated when i've been here for like two years and overall maybe eight years#while everyone else has like at least ten Real Career Years#but it was a nice little dinner party#its nice to be with people who are musicians and be people with them. if that makes sense.#being a musician around musicians is scary and intimidating. being a person who is a musician among people who are musicians#is nice#having friends who are musicians who are not your friends BECAUSE you are a musician is the best#so i guess just. knowing and feeling truly that people like to spend time with you#or in the very VERY least will have an innocuous pleasant conversation with you#regardless of your Arbitrary Goodness is nice#people can be nice and it's nice to know people like you ! and you like them!
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when people complain about getting like, a 98% grade on something because it was "so close to perfect" its like. i understand what you're saying on a technical level. but that is a line of thought so far away from my experiences and ways of thinking that i do feel like im from another planet. 100% isnt even a real number to me
#i kinda understand when its something like a multiple choice test or something where there is an objective answer#it might feel like u got so close but just missed one#again still a bit alien to me because my scholarly performance is mysterious and anything over 70 is great to me#but i mean ive had a 98 before once in a math test. i did get exactly 1 bit of 1 question wrong#but i didnt really care that it was one off from perfect i was too busy being happy because that was the highest mark id ever received#and the previous math test i had taken got a 53% . grade 11 was a wild time for me in math class GHJKSHFKds#anyway i kinda see where ur coming from with stuff with right or wrong answers like that#but i sometimes get friends in class complain that they got a 95 or something on an art assignment#because they think they got docked 5 points for one or two little things#but i dunno. thats not really how fine arts departments in university tend to grade things#you dont start at 100 and get docked marks for things you got wrong. i dont think ive ever seen a 100% on something like that#tbh the numbers are a little arbitrary i find. i do prefer to try to get em higher because that helps with grants and stuff#but the numbers dont mean all that much in fine arts or in art history (my two majors) a 75 and a 95 can function the same depending on lik#weighting and context and feedback and whatever. i dunno its a wild world out there#it might just be the perspective of someone who did really goodbad in school. (GoodBad (tm) its when ur good but also kinda bad at school!)#compared to someone who got a lot of perfects in mandatory schooling. i sympathise i really do that kind of pressure sounds insane#but while i sympathize i cant really empathize as much unfortunately with this specifically orz its a world very far outside my purview!#100%s arent real to me so they never cross my mind to be worried about LOL
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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mods asleep it’s snippet saturday under the cut
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dewey^2 p2 i WILL finish you… manifesting…
#the monkey’s paw that is this dewey^2 fic you guys. killing me.#setting myself the arbitrary deadline of you need to finish this fic by the time you get your cast off/your bones are no longer broken#and then proceeding to not MEET that arbitrary deadline because. i made it up#but it’s fine because actually i got an extension (still not healed) like i wish that it was funny 😭 it kinda is but also at this point#i’m starting to think about becoming superstitious like. it’s happened THREE times#i just want to write thissssss (also so y’all can then get *****^* **)#please who wants to stage an intervention on this fic doc and help me fill in the emotional pieces 😭😭#liv in the replies#also rip this is the beginning of the fic i have had for FOREVER & then maybe finally got to tie in to a DIFFERENT line that was the first#thing i actually had for p2… had such a hard time picking a snippet because i don’t want to spoil any of the parts i think are Good#but also. desperately hoping for motivation to write it & aforementioned brainwaves to help me figure out my pwp i gave feelings. por QUÉ#i Want To Share and i am Being Thwarted by my personal schedule and obligations… *** my beloathed.#deweys
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kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway
#like whether or not something's bad isn't determined by whether or not it adheres to arbitrary rules people made up and never obey#i thought we all knew that already. c'mon man. get a grip#obviously war crimes are bad but that's not where the badness potential ends y'know#this post is due to my dad talking about smth i sent him mentioning US troops firing on a bunch of guys in smth on deserters and he was lik#well they're not like citizens or refugees or deserters they're retreating enemy combattants. so it's different.#it IS different but isn't it still like. overly brutal? idk.#like would you want them to pursue Your ppl regardless? are they not allowed mercy just because you proved stronger? your positions could#be swapped easily and you'd think that as fellow combattants you would feel that deeply. idk maybe i'm just too soft or whatever but like.#seems stupid to me. war generally seems stupid to me but this specifically right now seems stupid to me#yes i know there are practical concerns and sacrifices in combat that make sense when you're actually there and me saying there should be n#wars and we should make it a fucking priority to not have wars doesn't mean ppl already in a decision-making role in the field should do#what i (an idealist) would do. they're responsible for minimizing loss and shit. whatever. doesn't mean it's not fucked up anyway.#and that's assuming the best case scenario for a leader in such a position. usually they just want to minimize Their side's losses. usually#by maximizing the other side's. or they just want to win and will sacrifice anyone for it if it's practical#which happens a Lot. usually it's a mix of the latter two to my understanding#as if americans' lives matter more than anyone else's and the other side doesn't have a right to mourn bc they offended us somehow#ugh that shit irks me so bad dude. there'll be like a terrorist attack in europe or smth and the news'll be like#ONE AMERICAN WAS KILLED. and twenty swiss. THE AMERICAN WAS VISITING FAMILY THERE ON SUNDAY MORNING WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK etc etc#fucking hate that. i don't care if they're on 'my team' or whatever they're all equally human and equally dead#why the hell should i care if one of them was an american. just say 21 people died. like i get reporting on it briefly ig to like notify#ppl At Best but like. it's so grating. why can't you be normal about other people fucking goddamn you#why is this a controversial statement. why is giving a shit about people killing each other (often for like 10 ppl's financial gain) wrong#like. come on. i don't care if they 'deserve it' or whatever because i don't think they do. and even if they Did i don't think it's#America's Time To Step Up!!! every time smth like this happens (but only when it is financially beneficial to us to do so#such that we ignore atrocities all the fucking time bc it's inconvenient. we're not superheros. we're cops.)#not saying america shouldn't do anything bc like. idk. you screw everyone over to have all the power maybe you should use that influence fo#good. but my definition of 'good' is wayyyy way different from everybody who's ever held office here apparently so like. nuts to that#eugh. anyway im cutting myself off here rant over. for now
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getting into bob ross again cause of jet set radio. the pipeline is real.
#jetsetradio.live#bob ross#jet set radio live#jet set radio#jet set radio future#jsr#jsrf#jsrl#sega#shoutout the channel 7 on jetsetradio.live tv#shoutout jetsetradio.live tbh#getting me back into listening to music#i havent listened to new music in so long i feel like im losing a part of myself#but with this website its kinda making me remember that theres no rush and i can do it at my own pace#cause really i was holding myself back cause i felt like i had to do all these arbitrary things i dont feel like explaining rn#and with work it felt like i had no time to just sit down and really enjoy it all the way through#but i have so many songs that i want to listen to and its ok to just listen without too much thought#and i can listen to what i want when i want and im still learning more about what that means since i started ''listening to music'' ~8y ago#which is really as far as id say i started trying to seek out music instead of listening to whatever was put on in the car#or when i would flip through the channels of/listen to the cds my parents had bought on the radio/cd player we had#the stations were mostly very scratchy for reasons im not educated enough to know#but when you find that one channel that plays the music cleanly its so magical#miss that thing so much#this is really a trojan horse post#lolz#goombs big day in#secret goomb thot#😱
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