#but still useful to make sure i've really thought through the details of this

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Circus

I've been wanting to draw some of my dolls for the longest time and this turned out to be my most detailed artwork so far :') And since I really love the circus, I thought I could turn this into an interactive story, too. Let me know what you think! Based on classic stock characters from Italian theatre, Commedia dell'arte. Content: gender neutral reader, horror, dark comedy, human and monster romance

You're finally here! Come on in, don't be afraid. Where is everyone else, you ask? Why, you're our only special guest, Darling (Y/N). This is all for you. Come, do not upset the Ringmaster. We will show you everything.

A night carnival? You've never heard of such a thing. Nonetheless, curiosity got the better of you when you found the trampled poster on your way back home. The actual message almost escaped your attention; you'd been too focused on the thick, ornate border, and the colorful, swirling patterns intricately filling the page.

"Last night in town! 'Wizard of Ozz' Night Circus, a mesmerizing show that will keep you glued to your seat. We're still searching for our Columbina. Perhaps you could become part of our story?"

Might as well check it out. Which is why you're currently here, in the outskirts, trying to find a walkable path among the weeds. It's dark and you can barely see anything in front of you. They're not trying very hard to provide an inviting atmosphere, you think to yourself.

Eventually, you discern a glimmer of light in the distance. You have found the circus tents.

The campsite is quiet and still, causing you to hesitate in your decision. Is it truly open?

There's a faint murmur coming from the main entrance. A small, melancholic Pierrot - when did he show up? - awaits by the heavy curtain, pale hands stretched out.

"Your ticket, Columbina", he announces with decorum. "Me and Arlecchino will show you any tent you want to visit. We are here to entertain you."

He ponders for a moment, before adding:

"I'm sure you'll like him more. He's a very alluring fellow. Me, on the other hand...Oh, forget it", he mumbles through pouting lips, ushering you inside.

"Aha! There's the star of our night! Our Columbina!"

A tall man in a pompous, glittery costume bounces towards you and lowers himself with a theatrical bow, giving your fingers a quick kiss. You pull your hand away, visibly bothered by the odd gesture.

"You keep calling me that. I'm (Y/N)", you argue.

"Yes, yes, of course we know that. Do ya take us for fools?" the Harlequin asks, kicking one foot in the air. The jingle of the bells at the tip of his shoe echoes across the hall. "You have, however - you must understand, yes? - you've entered Ringmaster's Circus. From now on, you are the Columbina to our play."

You raise your eyebrows in disbelief.

"Just like that? Why me, and not someone else?" you scan the surroundings, pursing your lips. "Where are the others?"

"Others?"

Harlequin makes an exaggeratedly shocked face and tilts his head towards Pierrot.

"What are they saying? You're the only one here, Columbina darling. After tonight, we-"

Pierrot's hand lands firmly on his friend's lips.

"You always talk too much. Always, always! And yet, you're the favorite. Of course you are. Oh, what pity, what misfortune", the pale young man laments. "We're wasting precious time."

They both burst into a little dance; a rather silly one, you think with an amused smile. Then, they place themselves besides the entrance, each one standing at one end, back straight and chins raised.

"Go on, go ahead, Columbina darling. This is your carnival. Choose any tent you'd like."

Pulcinella's Tent

The stage is pitch black, save for one spotlight contouring a patch of ground. You can see a large, colorful ball, and two feet clumsily rolling their way atop of it.

You chuckle at the sight. This must be the clown.

"No one can compete with Pulcinella's juggling", Pierrot declares somewhat monotonously. "His acrobatic spectacle has left many guests speechless, acting with such dexterity that one must wonder: is this truly the work of two hands?"

Lights flicker, allowing you to catch glimpses of smaller balls being thrown around. Juggling so many balls while bouncing around is indeed impressive.

"Rest assured, this is the art of one single man. Although four eyes are better than two."

The shadows are abruptly swallowed by spotlights, and you squint your eyes, adjusting to the brightness. A two-headed man continues his performance, throwing you the occasional cheeky smile.

"Ah, that is..." you place a hand over your mouth.

"A bother, truly", the Pierrot remarks, sitting next to you. "They're complete opposites."

He observes as both Pulcinella's heads tilt in your direction, visibly entranced. He sighs deeply:

"You'll love them either way. They're funny and entertaining, unlike me...A pathetic miser. Oh, if only I had half their charm!" he bemoans with a soft sob.

"Hey! Don't sadden my beloved like that", Pulcinella barks, jumping off the ball and running towards your seating with a comically merry jingle to accompany him.

You cannot help but marvel at the man in front of you.

"Enough of this, I've had enough! You don't get to decide yet, Pulcinella", Pierrot exclaims in sudden panic. He claws your wrist tightly and pulls you after him. "It's time to see other tents."

Sandrone's Tent

You peek behind the heavy curtain and freeze. Are your eyes deceiving you? Someone is idly resting at the bottom of a large aquarium, showing no struggle despite being underwater. The mysterious man senses your presence and emerges to the surface.

"Would you look at that! I can't remember the last time I had a visitor."

He gestures for you to come closer.

"Are you the new guest? Our Columbina?"

"I don't know what you're talking about", you speak up with hesitation, eyes glued to the scaly tail that seems eerily genuine. "I think I'll be leaving now."

"Leaving? Didn't the Ringmaster already tell you?" The merman claps his hands, amused. "You're naïve, I like that a lot. Perhaps this time I'll be the one to have you."

He abruptly grabs your wrist, and you jolt at the feeling. His hands are ice-cold and moist.

"Let me have a look at you, won't you? I'll help you hide from the others if you're good and listen to me."

You feel a pair of hands sinking into your shoulders, and you're ripped away from the merman. Harlequin's voice rumbles deeply across the room.

"You're being a fox again, aren't you, Sandrone? Hands off our guest! You don't get to pick yet", he scolds in a low growl. "Ringmaster won't be happy about it."

"Go on then, tell on me! Ringmaster's good boy, eh?" the dark-skinned man smirks mockingly and slams his tail against the glass. "Put a collar on that one, Columbina. See how well he barks", he snarls, then slides back underwater and promptly vanishes.

Harlequin's grip on your shoulders becomes tighter for a brief moment. You can tell he's tense.

"Let's get you out of here. Don't listen to a word he says, Columbina darling. He lies, you see? No one trusts him. You should rely on me."

Pantalone's Tent

You gawk at the impressive height of this tent, head nearly spinning from tilting yourself all the way back. Ah, this must be the trapeze artist. Indeed, one of the two handles is dangling above you, and it occurs to you there's no safety net. A tall, lean man swiftly pounces across, reaching for the trapeze. His movements are slow, yet calculated, and you can't help but wonder if he might actually be flying instead.

Upon closer inspection, it appears he has no arms.

"Madness", you find yourself shouting. "Stop this nonsense!"

He gracefully wraps his legs around the bar, swinging back and forth with a confident smile.

"You doubt me, Pantalone himself?"

With another thrust, he lets himself go, spiraling down against your terrified protests. His heeled shoes clack against the hard tile. Lastly, he stretches out his bandaged stumps, as if signaling his successful landing.

You find yourself bowing to the grand gesture.

"Yes, yes, it's rather impressive, isn't it?" Pierrot follows behind you in his usual dull tone. "Pantalone is our master acrobat."

He lifts his gaze and notices that the man didn't bother waiting for a full introduction; he's already standing before you with a flirty grin.

"...and a charmer, I suppose. What, you're already doing your tricks?"

The sallow clown squeezes himself behind you two protectively.

"Shoo, shoo! Columbina is merely visiting."

He lightly pushes you away, towards the exit. You throw one final glance at the mysterious individual; he waves with his residual limb, and winks.

"You know where to find me, love."

Il Capitano's Tent

You feel a radiant heat coming from this tent. In the middle of the ring stands a grand cage. An animal of sorts? You keep your distance, observing from the benches.

A monstrous giant stumbles within your view with heavy steps. A thick, scaly tail rattles the bars of the cage, swinging itself with the precision of a bullwhip.

"Il Capitano himself!" the Harelquin announces theatrically, bending his arms in the direction of the blue beast. "The strongman, the fire-spitting artist, a most devilish creature captured and chained by our Ringmaster."

"Is this one mine?" the monstrous man pins you down with a predatory gaze.

"Perhaps", Harlequin spits out bitterly. "They decide, not you."

You squirm in your seat, suddenly much smaller under his intense stare. The charismatic guide's smile falters for a brief second, replaced by an envious grimace.

Il Capitano inhales deeply, expanding his torso and contracting his muscles. His fanged mouth then unhinges, releasing a great flame which spreads all the way to you. You're almost tempted to reach towards it, feeling the sting with your very fingers.

"Amazing", you mumble, still mesmerized by the spectacle.

This was no cheap trickery. Capitano is truly a one-of-a-kind artist. No human could replicate such a feat.

The beastly creature holds onto the bars of his cage, shoving his snout outside and grinning. Puffs of smoke escape between his teeth.

"Come down here and I can do even more, little one."

Harlequin gasps and gestures for you to stand up.

"Outrageous! How dare you-!"

He urges you to follow him outside. Enough monstrous sights for now.

"Shall we head towards the other tents, darling?"

Harlequin walks ahead, deep in contemplation. Pierrot scurries after him, whispering the remaining choices. Your shoulders are heavy, and you're quite tired from the eventful night.

You notice a little opening between the lavish curtain folds and decide to sneak away. They needn't know about your departure. You stumble around dark halls, following the cool breeze of the outside, until you're met with the starry sky.

Your path is blocked by two large poles, so you step to the right. Your body freezes in terror when they move with you. Slowly, you raise your head and follow the black shapes, and realize they're legs.

Far, far above ground, towering over the entire circus, you see two glowing eyes.

It's the Ringmaster.

"Bad, bad Columbina", he reproaches.

The voice is off, like an old, broken record reverberating against your eardrums. A cold shiver runs across your spine.

"I'm sorry", you blurt out in fear.

A long, bony hand appears before you, twitching with a loud pop. You wrap your hands around a finger, desperate to not anger this unholy creation.

"Let's take you to your caravan. We're leaving tomorrow."

Oh, God. What have you done?

Now, now, don't fret. There's nothing to be afraid of. Come, put that frown aside. Everyone loves you here. After all, you're their most precious Columbina. What's a Circus without its treasure?

[lev1hei1chou]

A What?

Gojo x reader Genre: Fluff Synopsis: You ask for a baby out of nowhere Masterlist Requests open!

"Hey, Satoru, I want a baby."

The man choked on his cereal. Milk splattered across the table, and he coughed, looking at you with wide, incredulous eyes. "You what?"

You grinned, loving his reaction. "I want a baby."

Gojo blinked, processing your words. "Like...a human baby? With diapers and all?"

You laughed. "Yes, Satoru, a human baby. Not a cursed spirit baby or a baby goat. A tiny human."

He leaned back in his chair, still stunned. "You can't just drop a bomb like that while I'm eating my Froot Loops, babe. Give a guy some warning."

You shrugged, leaning over to wipe a speck of milk off his cheek. "I thought you could handle anything."

"Yeah, curses and evil sorcerers, sure. But this...this is a whole new level of scary." He ran a hand through his white hair, making it stand up in more directions than usual. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious." You sat down across from him, your expression softening. "I think we'd make great parents."

He looked at you, eyes softening. "Of course we would. I mean, look at us. We're awesome."

You snorted. "Modest, as always."

"Hey, it's not arrogance if it's true." He grinned, then grew serious again. "But...a baby? That's a big deal."

"I know. But I want to start a family with you, Satoru."

He was silent for a moment, then his lips curved into a smile. "Okay. Let's do it."

You blinked. "Really? Just like that?"

He shrugged. "Why not? I've always wanted kids. Didn't think about it too much because, you know, job hazards and all. But if you want a baby, then I want a baby. Simple as that."

You laughed, feeling a wave of relief and excitement. "Simple as that, huh?"

"Yep." He stood up, suddenly energized. "Alright, let's make a baby right now."

Your eyes widened. "Satoru, we can't just...it's the middle of the day!"

"Details, details." He waved a hand dismissively. "I'm the strongest sorcerer in the world. I can make time for baby-making."

You couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. "How romantic."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Oh, I can be romantic. Just you wait."

The next few days were filled with Gojo's attempts at being "romantic." You came home to rose petals scattered all over the living room (which the cat was now batting around), a candlelit dinner (where he nearly set the kitchen on fire), and a bubble bath for two (where he splashed so much water that the bathroom flooded).

"You're really trying, aren't you?" you said, toweling off your hair after the bath fiasco.

He pouted. "I'm trying to set the mood."

You kissed his cheek. "I appreciate it, Satoru. But we don't need all this. Just you and me, together. That's enough."

He smiled, pulling you into his arms. "You're right. As always."

That night, lying in bed, he turned to you with a mischievous look in his eye. "So, about that baby..."

You laughed, swatting his chest. "Okay, okay. Let's do this."

A few weeks later, you found yourself holding a pregnancy test in your hand, heart pounding. Gojo was pacing back and forth in the bathroom, looking more nervous than you'd ever seen him.

"Okay, okay, okay," he muttered. "It's fine. Whatever it says, it's fine."

You glanced at the test, then at him. "Satoru, you need to calm down."

He stopped pacing and looked at you, taking a deep breath. "Right. Calm. I can do calm."

You held up the test, a smile spreading across your face. "We're having a baby."

For a moment, he just stared at you, then he whooped, lifting you off the ground and spinning you around. "We're having a baby! I'm gonna be a dad!"

You laughed, holding onto him. "Yes, you are. And you're going to be amazing."

He set you down, his eyes shining. "We're going to be amazing."

Months passed in a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, baby shopping, and Gojo's over-the-top preparations. He baby-proofed the house, even the ceiling, "just in case the baby is super strong and starts climbing walls."

"Satoru, that's ridiculous," you said, watching as he padded the corners of the coffee table with foam.

He looked up at you, serious. "Safety first, babe."

When the day finally came, Gojo was more nervous than you. He held your hand in the delivery room, eyes wide as he watched the process.

"You're doing great," he whispered, though it seemed like he was saying it more to himself than to you.

Hours later, when the baby finally arrived, Gojo stared at the tiny bundle in his arms, tears in his eyes. "Hi there, little one. I'm your dad."

You smiled, exhausted but happy. "And I'm your mom."

He looked at you, his expression full of love and awe. "We did it."

You nodded, feeling a surge of emotion. "Yeah, we did."

[thexsilentxwordsmith]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader

Simon making it clear that you are the only one he wants

“You alright, sweetheart?” Simon’s deep, gruff voice hit your ears, pulling your out of your thoughts. 

You nodded without a sound, subtly trying to divert your gaze so that he wouldn’t look into your eyes and see all the emotion swimming inside, but at this point you really didn’t need to answer the question. The way you sit across from him with your brow furrowed into two steep peaks and your shoulders slumped forward and tight as you idly picked at the skin around your fingernails was enough of a sign. Even though you tried to dismiss him with a few muttered “I’m fine” and “It’s nothing” phrases, the man knew; whatever it was had been eating away at you for some time. 

Turning his full attention to you he took your chin into his coarse grasp and tilted your head upward until your eyes met. “Then why can’t ya even look at me?” he posed his next question. 

You let out a sigh, nowhere to run now as Simon wasn’t gonna let you back out. “It’s just…silly...” 

An incident had been on your mind for a week now, something that should have been resolved already, but try as you might to let it go it just couldn’t be shaken. A new younger female recruit had got it into her head that she wanted a piece of the huge, mysterious Lieutenant and began to flaunt that young, supple body in his direction. Simon had not allowed it to continue for even a second after that initial encounter, making sure that you knew everything in detail, and immediately she was reprimanded and reassigned, but the damage had been done to your confidence.

Were you really right for him? Were you enough? You had never really thought of yourself as ugly, but when pitted up against some pretty thing that had the freshness of young beauty on her side, you weren’t so sure if you could really compare and that made your usual abundance of self-confidence drop to nearly zero. 

Amber eyes gazed back at you as Simon waited patiently for your reply. Taking a deep, calming breath you continued. “I guess I just can’t help but wonder if you made the right choice,” you said.

“And what choice is that, hmm?” he pushed, letting you use your words even though he was sure where this was headed.

“Choosing me,” you said so softly it was barely above a whisper.

Just as he suspected, it was still bothering you and he kicked himself for not doing more before now to show you that there was no one on base or even in the whole fucking world that could compare to what he had with you. There was no one up until now that had ever kept him so tightly wound as you did that he constantly felt like he couldn't get you out of his head, that he never could get enough of you; it was a constant struggle just to keep sane so that he could do his job when he knew what would be waiting for him when he got home.

That’s why it took nothing for him to know exactly what it was that he needed to do now.

Without a word the grip on your chin was released as Simon stood to his feet. He reached down and took a hold of your hand, giving it a good, solid tug. “Come on,” he beckoned with a nod of his head to stand with him and through a bit of stubborn reluctance, you followed.

As soon as you were on your feet he pulled you into his hard, warm chest, leaning his head in close until you could feel his breath against your lips. “Of all the fuckin' mistakes I've made in my life, ya ain't one of 'em. I think someone needs a bit of extra attention, and I was a fuckin' fool waitin' till now to give it to her,” he murmured, his voice lowering into that register that always sent shivers down your spine. “Let me take care of ya, let me turn that brain of yours off for a bit and show ya how sure I am that I made the right choice.”

Before you could answer, his lips had already connected with your own to steal the words right out of your mouth. If there was one thing that experienced military man was superior at it was making you come apart at the seams like it was his fucking job. And boy did he take pride in his work.

But right here and now he would be even more meticulous in his affections as it was clear you needed to be reminded that you and only you were the best goddamn thing to grace his miserable existence. All of his undivided attention would be yours tonight and he would not stop until every single worry had left that pretty little head.

Promises were breathed into your mouth by him. "I'm not stoppin' until ya know just how fuckin' much I don't want anyone else besides ya."

In a flurry of lips and tangled limbs, you found your way over to the bed. Like a surgeon performing a delicate operation, he carefully removed each article of your clothing one by one, making sure that the exposed skin was immediately caressed and attended to before he moved on to the next. Every inch of skin on you would feel the passion in his embrace. By the time you hit the mattress’ surface, your body was already a tingling mess of nerve ends bursting to life in ways that made your mind numb.

The lights had been turned down low, their soft incandescent glow warm and inviting as the breathy sounds of unspoken desires from a man consumed filled the air. It was hard to think of anything as the thick tension permeated the space while you lay there naked sprawled out across the sheets with Simon at your side. Adoration was what he was after tonight, needing you to be left as nothing more than a puddle of pure bliss in the middle of his bed.

Toughened fingers traced all of those subtle imperfections lining your body with such tenderness as if each scar and blemish and indention were incredibly precious to him; his lips followed not far behind as he whispered praises into your skin. Those gentle words that were only for your ears alone as he couldn’t have people thinking he was going soft…even though he absolutely had been since the moment he got with you.

“How could ya ever think I would want anythin’ other than this, other than ya?" he breathed the question into the skin of your torso. “You're all I could ever want, all I fuckin’ think about; the best goddamn thing to ever happen to me. My pretty girl.” 

His nose nuzzled against the crook of your neck and he caught that scent: the smell of your body’s natural musk that just one whiff of could make his head fuzzy and his body tingle in a way he could not describe. All those beautifully fragrant notes that combined together to create a profile that was distinct to you so that even if he couldn’t see you he knew you were near. Closing his eyes, he breathed you in deep.

“Christ, you’re so fuckin’ beautiful, sweetheart,” he purred into the warm skin of your shoulder before he was on the move, lips caressing over the swell of your breasts with nipples already stiff. “I just can’t ever get enough of ya. How could ya ever fuckin' think I'd give up all this for some young tart who'd get sick 'a me sooner rather than later? Fuck, you’re all I want, all I'll eva fuckin' need.”

Down, down, down he continued over the length of your stomach towards your thighs. It was like performing a sacred act, him giving you the full breadth of his overwhelming desire as he made his way from your lips to your legs, getting everything in between. He shot a hungry glance back up at you as he reached those pillowy creations that he loved so much.

He sighed. "Every inch of ya is like a goddamn dream."

Extra time he spent on your thighs as he embraced those voluptuous curves over and over again with his mouth, kissing and sucking, running his nose along them until you were whining and writhing beneath him. Shit, he had not even touched anywhere near your throbbing clit yet and still you could not stop the way your heart pounded out of your chest or your short, sticcatoed breathing that filled the silence. 

“Please,” the plea fell from your open mouth, but there was no need to beg. This was your night after all and he was not about to deny you of anything.

"Whatever my pretty girl wants she's gonna fuckin' get," he smiled. "Always."

Slowly Simon’s large hands spread you open just wide enough that he could lean his face into your mossy bank. More delicate kisses were dotted over your petals, his mouth embracing all around that tender slit before his tongue gently slipped inside the folds. All that doting on your body had done it’s job in stimulating so that he was met with a wetness on his tongue as he dived in. 

Shit were you sweet, like eating a peach except this one would not run out before he had gotten his fill. 

That masterful tongue drew short, concise circles around your clit, lips locking around the bud intermittently to suck, using the two techniques in tandem while his nails drug lightly over your thighs until your were bucking against his face. There was no rush in his movements; he was going to take his time in drawing out your pleasure. 

You couldn’t make a sound, your mind consumed completely with every flick of his tongue, every press of it firmly against you, every pass of his hands over your thighs; overstimulated doesn’t even begin to describe it. Eyes closed, mouth wide open, desperate music being moaned into the room was all you could muster as he brought you closer and closer to the precipice of your pleasure. 

Leisurely Simon lapped at your clit, no rush, no hurry, with measured strokes that eased you pleasantly into your orgasm instead of violently throwing you over. You came so effortlessly that you are able to ride out that wave of ecstasy for minutes as his pace stayed at that steady rhythm until there was no more left for you to give. Only then did he emerge like a man baptized anew. 

By the time he finally thrust inside you, you were a glorious mess of sweat and mewls and cum. He took you right on your back, needing to see that look in your eyes that made him feel like he was your whole world. No muscle-straining positions will he put you in tonight as all he wants is to gaze down at the most beautiful creature he’s ever laid eyes on. 

“Do ya think I have any doubts now?” he asked with a muted smile. "Think I could do this with just anyone?"

Your cheeks, already warm and pink, flushed bright crimson. “No,” you shook your head.

“That's a good girl,” he praised as he adjusted your legs to be comfortable around his thick torso. “Then let’s finish this off right, yeah? You and me, sweetheart.”

Slow, even thrusts he pounded into you, stretching you and filling you full even at this angle, as he met your lips again to nearly choke you on all his passion. You could taste yourself on his breath as he claimed you body and soul. 

“Ya feel so fuckin’ good, just wanna stay buried in ya all the time,” he groaned between precise thrusts through your tight, moist core. Your body was paradise and he could not get enough. Pulling back he watched the connection of your bodies right at the point where he slipped inside of you. You were so full of him there was no distinction between where he ended and you began.

Simon was never a religious man, most of the time as far from it as humanly possible, but the closest he would ever come to faith was the moment he got his first feel of all that glory that first time you two went at it. It was then that your body became his church and from then on he was more than ready to give his life to worshiping at your alter with his fingers and tongue and cock; any and all instruments at his disposal to show you his unwavering devotion. 

That man had been starved for far longer than he would like to admit, but the first time he buried himself in you that was all it took to fill him up. It was only you that he craved: your softness and warmth and light and no one else would ever do. As much as you were his, he was yours.

His hands ran up the sides of your torso, leaving burning trails that made you shiver as he palmed both of your breasts in each one of his hands to massage the flesh. “I want ya to come for me again,” he said, more need in his voice. “Can ya do that for me pretty girl?”

Rapidly you nodded your head up and down as you focused on what was coming.

“That’s it; wanna be sure my girl gets everything she needs to stay satisfied with me.”

There was a feeling of safety and security that you got when you were with him; no matter how rough or passionate the sex got, Simon was always right there with you in the moment so that you never felt that it was one sided. Right now that feeling spread through you along with the gathering warmth in your abdomen to help you get out of your head and let go. All those worries, all those fears, they left completely as he thrust inside you a few more times and you spilled over the edge once more.

He kissed you hard on the mouth, holding your raw lips together once more as he followed right after you. His shoulder shook as his released himself and fell into that high that he would never tire of- not when it was with you. As he let go of your lips, he smiled back down at you; that glow of ecstasy causing his heart to skip a beat.

“Ya see, there’s no one in this whole fuckin’ world I want more than ya, sweetheart,” he whispered into your temple before placed a quick kiss. “And I am always willin’ to show ya that you are the only girl for me.”

[pippin-katz]

Alex & Being Bisexual 🩷💜💙

I've seen a lot of people complaining about Alex not having as big of a crisis over being bisexual as he did in the books, but I feel like a lot of people are overlooking the development he does go through.

Henry is the first guy he has felt attracted to that he actually knew prior to getting physically involved.

Alex & Miguel

Nora's asks specifically about men Alex has "been with", not men he's liked or interested him. She means physically, and he knows that too. Alex doesn't even bother with giving any context or details for his high school hook up. His description of his hook up with Miguel is straightforward, direct, and factual, because he doesn't have an emotional attachment to that moment or Miguel.

This, and his interactions with Miguel, gives the impression that they don't really know each other that well. It seems like they met during the campaign, made out in a hot tub, and now occasionally they talk at school.

They don't seem like friends, rather acquaintances after a one night stand, which is pretty much what they did. Their first conversation is mostly Miguel trying to get quotes for his journal and flirting with him rather than any kind of real discussion.

Gifs courtesy of @phakphumm from this post

Alex isn't stupid; he knows Miguel is flirting with him, however he chooses not to acknowledge it. He doesn't discourage him, but he does not encourage him either.

He avoids saying anything about it at all. His expressions after the eyelashes comment show him at a bit of a loss for how to respond. Alex seems flattered by the compliment, but doesn't seem to have any real desire to hook up again.

Everything Miguel says, he says in an attempt to get something out of him, whether it be flirting to hook up and/or get quotes for his journal.

Same thing at the state dinner; Alex isn't fully paying attention cause he's busy staring at Henry, but Miguel opens with compliments, specifically about his memo, which is definitely an attempt to flatter him. Then he starts asking direct questions about the campaign, Alex doesn't answer, and he walks away. They're not really friends.

New Territory

It's one thing to admit being somewhat attracted to the same sex, under limited, physical circumstances. Lots of people often joke about "being straight/gay but I would sleep with this person".

It's another thing to develop an attraction to a person you know of the same sex when you've never had those feelings before. It's not just physical anymore, because you know and like this person outside of that context, and the physical intimacy gains a new meaning.

Alex VS Feelings

This is a new feeling for Alex. This man practically makes out with two women he barely knows without any qualms, but when he's waiting to see Henry? His close friend who he knows and plans to kiss?

He is nervous; not just a little nervous either:

Alex is a pretty confident guy, able to host massive parties and dance without any reservations about it, unlike Henry who awkwardly bounces. He's a fantastic public speaker. Excluding the wedding, which were extreme circumstances, he's able to navigate a room comfortably. We know from the closet conversation that he used to get scared, but it's clear based on his campaign efforts, the DNC speech, and so on that he's grown into his role and can play it well.

Here, Alex can't sit still. He doesn't know how to stand. He's shifting around, almost pacing. He visibly tries to muster up the confidence we know he has, but can't. He's trying to pose, or look confident, and almost gets there, but the second the door opens, he panics and just stands there.

"But that's just cause he really likes Henry!"

Yes, exactly; Henry is his first step towards fully realizing his identity.

Once the tension is broken, Alex is confident again and doesn't hesitate anymore. He may not be completely sure of his identity, but he is completely sure that he wants Henry. Those thoughts take priority when he kisses him. He knows physical intimacy. He knows how to kiss with someone regardless of who they are. He has been with a couple men, and is a man himself, so he knows what feels good. His confidence stays intact during their exchange when they get to his bedroom.

There are very small moments where you can see his nerves poke through.

When Henry pushes Alex over the couch, not only is it surprising to him, it also disconnects them for a few seconds. He has a chance to look at Henry while they're not touching or kissing, no direct distraction.

When Henry starts undoing his pants, he looks up, inhales quickly, blinks a couple times, and swallows; it's almost like he's thinking "okay this is actually happening now". Again, no direct distraction, as Henry isn't doing anything yet, and Alex isn't touching or kissing him.

Both moments go by fast though because he's focused on what he knows, the physical part. He knows he wants Henry physically, so he can focus on that, and deal with the other feelings later.

Alex is aware that he has feelings toward Henry that are new to him. He doesn't know what they mean, and it's nothing even close to what he feels later in Paris and at the lake house, but they're starting to form. He's the one who suggests that he and Henry see each other again, and you would have to be blind not to see the brief disappointment on his face when Henry says it has to be very casual. It's also important to note that this is right after Alex comes out.

The Bisexual Label

While his feelings make Alex nervous, Henry is still his friend and he feels comfortable around him. He's the first person he comes out to; he was unable to say anything definitive about his identity during his conversation with Nora, despite her best efforts to help him.

Henry is the first person he tells and he distinctly shows uncertainty when he first uses the bisexual label:

He's serious about it; not overly serious, but he's coming out very formally. He's nervous, even though he's telling Henry, who he literally hooked up with five minutes ago. Henry already knows he's attracted to men. Alex is not nervous about that; it is clearly the label that he's uncertain about.

Confidence

A lot of people get taken by surprise when they start questioning their identity because they had simply never thought about it before.

The uncertainty Alex has about his identity was initiated by his feelings for Henry. Alex clearly never considered the idea of being in an actual relationship with a man. Without Henry, he may have never figured out that he was fully bisexual. He may have continued fooling around occasionally with guys, never giving serious thought to the other possibilities, unless/until he met someone like Henry who basically smacks him in the face with a mirror.

Being with Henry makes him truly think about himself, and come to the conclusion that he's bisexual. Seeing/dating Henry also makes him more comfortable and confident in his identity over time.

While Alex hadn't acknowledged Miguel's advances before, after he sleeps with Henry, he actively calls him out on it and refuses without hesitation as soon as Miguel puts the suggestion out there. Miguel even says "Well, I don't anymore", confirming that had been his intention in earlier scenes.

He had been trying to hook up with him again, and because Alex never addressed it, Miguel thought that it was possible. Alex may not have addressed his comments, but Miguel could see for himself that they had a positive reaction; he felt flattered and bashful. That response coupled with the fact that Alex did not outright tell him to stop was enough reason for Miguel to think it could happen again.

Also, Alex told Nora that he got the feeling Miguel wanted to hook up again, but that he was a journalist, which does not say he wouldn't be down. He never says he wouldn't want to; instead he expresses his apprehension to the idea due to his job. So for all intents and purposes, before Henry came along, Miguel was correct to think it was a possibility.

This seems to be the first time Alex has ever actually addressed their tension, and it occurs after he starts seeing Henry and using the bisexual label.

Owning The Bi Label

Then Zahra finds him and Henry the next morning. She is kind enough not to tell Ellen immediately, because even if she won't admit it, she does care about Alex a lot and recognizes the importance of something like this. However, she makes it very clear that he needs to tell her ASAP or she will.

When he comes out to his mom, he is significantly more sure of himself when he uses the bisexual label. He laughs and uses the shorten term "bi" which is a small detail but indicates his confidence, compared to how he cautiously said "bisexual" when coming out to Henry. He's not at all nervous to use the term, and says it grinning.

This is also indicative of his confidence in his label because Alex doesn't lead with his sexuality. He leads with meeting someone, and clarifying that it's a man, and that it's Henry. So once they're on the couch talking, Ellen is also already aware that he is attracted to men, but this time, he's prompted about his label and he shows zero nerves about using the term "bi".

Queer Identity

By the end of the movie, Alex is able to publicly refer to himself as having a queer identity. Obviously, he was outed against his will, but he is still able to stand up and acknowledge who he is without nerves about it. He has been with Henry for a year, and he knows who he is, and he’s not ashamed of it. As he says, the leaks were an issue of privacy, not shame. Alex is not afraid to say who he is, and he is queer, he is bisexual. He’s a different person than he was before Henry. He’s learned about himself because of him.

Does he have a complete, computer-error-noise breakdown over it? No, he doesn’t, but he does not immediately start waving a bi flag around either.

Okay, that’s all! This took so freaking long to put together, but I hope it helps people understand how his bisexuality is addressed in the movie. Just because he has a different journey than he did in the book does not mean he did not have a journey at all, and I hope this allows people to see it more clearly!

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[mirai-e-jump]

Uchusen Vol.186 (Autumn 2024) Kamen Rider Gavv | Detail of Heroes ft. Main Cast Interviews (other pages and translations below)

Publication: October 1, 2024 (between episode 5-6)

Chinen Hidekazu (Shouma)

"Which shows from the Kamen Rider series have you seen?"

Chinen: From my generation, I watched "Kamen Rider W," "OOO," "Fourze," and "Wizard." I've been watching "Kamen Rider Zero-One," a masterpiece by Director Sugihara, who also directed the pilot of Gavv, and recently I watched "Kamen Rider Den-O" for the sake of studying.

"Who would your all time favorite Rider be?"

Chinen: Including OOO, I like alot of them, but lately I've been particularly fond of Den-O. It was really amazing to see each of the Imagin's personalities being performed by Satoh Takeru-san, the lead actor. The theme song is good too. I listen to the OP every episode without skipping it.

"Please tell us about the time of your audition for Gavv."

Chinen: We were put into pairs, one would play a role reminiscent of the food lover Shouma, and the other played a cool role similar to Hanto. During the first audition, I made a mistake. When I was supposed to do a performance where I entered the room from outside, I mistook the door for an outward opening one instead of an inward one, so I kept trying to pull it when I should've been pushing, and it ended up making alot of noise. I also heard the Producers laughing because I was having trouble getting in, but when I finally did, I continued the performance as if nothing had happened. Thinking about it now……I guess maybe that feeling of disconnect was also linked to Shouma's.

"We're sure you must've been quite flustered at that time"

Chinen: I was really flustered because of that (laughs). I was panicking quite abit because it wasn't an act, I really made a mistake. Still, I thought, "I've come this far, so let's do this!," so it might've been a good thing that I was able to accept it and give an earnest performance.

"How were you informed that you had been chosen?

Chinen: One day, my manager called me and said, "I need you to come to the office after work." I went to the office thinking, "Maybe they're upset at me for failing something?," but they said, "We have a report. We're disappointed to tell you that the final audition for Kamen Rider is no longer available." I was frustrated because I thought I had been rejected, but I still said, "I understand, I'll do my best next time." At that exact moment, the staff came through the door and shot off party poppers. That's when I asked my manager, "This isn't a dream, is it?" I pinched myself just to be sure (laughs). Even though it hurt, I couldn't believe it, and when I finally became aware of it, I felt like, "I'm the happiest guy in the world right now!"

"How did you inform your family?"

Chinen: I immediately called my mother about it. She said, "Hide, will you be okay with having the lead role?" Ever since I was little, I always said I wanted to one day play the main character in Kamen Rider. Both my mother and father supported this dream and saw me off to Tokyo. However, I really didn't think it would come true, and I think I was more worried about whether I'd be able to play the main character in such a big title before I was happy.

"Please tell us your impressions when you learned that Gavv was a Kamen Rider with a sweets motif."

Chinen: I received the proposal at the same time I was chosen to play the lead role, so that was the first time I learned about it. My first thoughts were, "A sweets Kamen Rider?" and "What will the gummies be like?" I didn't immediately understand the concept. It was the same kind of impact I felt when I first saw the orange and armor motif of "Kamen Rider Gaim." Still, when I read the proposal, it was very original and interesting. I could really feel the passion of the creators in wanting to create such a hero needed in the era we live in. I thought, "I want to be that kind of hero, and I also want to do my best!" I was impressed by the way the Rider's design incorporated gummies and potato chips, and I thought, "The person who thought this up is a genius."

"What's your absolute favorite form?"

Chinen: As of right now, it's Zakuzaku Chips. I'm a big fan of dual wielding swords, as I often use dual wielding characters in games. Also, I like the jagged potato chips on its eyes. From a distance, doesn't it look like Kamen Rider OOO? I like that about it too.

"Due to the complicated background of the character, we feel that Shouma, who you're playing, requires difficult performances. What kind of orders did the Director give you?"

Chinen: Director Sugihara said, "While he is a young man, I want him to retain a part of his innocence," and that, "He's friendly, but there seems to be a wall between his heart." He said, "He has a bright side and a dark side that he doesn't show others. I hope you can show us how well you can switch between those two personalities."

"Shouma's upbringing is one thing, but it's also cruel that the enemies he's fighting against are his family."

Chinen: Yeah, I personally think it's so cruel, that I pity Shouma. It's a harsh story for a show that's meant for small children to watch. I personally feel like it's mentally draining to play the role of blood related brothers fighting against each other as enemies. What's more, there's no escape from that fate. However, while the story and Shouma's circumstances are hard, the eating of sweets and poppin scenes help soften the situation. The gap between those scenes gives more depth to the hard story. I also try to be conscious of this when I act differently.

"It seems to strike a good balance between the poppin imagery and the hard content."

Chinen: Some fans predicted, "Is it going to be a show like Gaim?," when they saw the official announcement before the show aired. Kamen Rider productions that start out appealing to the "pop" part tend to have harsher developments (laughs). I myself don't want it to be too serious, so through trial and error, I'm still trying to figure out how to make the "pop" in Gavv stand out.

"The role sounds like a pretty high hurdle to clear."

Chinen: Still, I think it was the same for my seniors who performed in previous Riders. I believe that it's Kamen Riders who overcome their troubles, conflicts, and ordeals.

"How was filming for the transformation pose?"

Chinen: The pose was decided on three or four days before we started filming. We agreed on it through discussions among myself, Action Director Fujita-san, and Director Sugihara. In the first episode, there was no proper pose, as the transformation was done during a pinch, so the pose wasn't done until episode 2, but the transformation scene in the first episode was also very cool. Shouma's body slowly changes, and at the end, we get a closeup of his face and Gavv's mask, but he doesn't change all at once, leaving the eyes unchanged. It was very cool, and I was trembling by the way they showed the expression in my eyes until the very end! This is a special version that's only found in the first episode, so I hope you'll watch it again.

"We think that there'll also be action scenes before the transformation, but what about you?"

Chinen: The action is alot of fun……that being said though, I struggle with it quite abit. Action isn't just about being good at punching and kicking. I have to make the action visually appealing. Despite all that, I of course have to put my feelings into it. Fujita-san was by my side the whole time, and Gavv's Suit Actor Nawata Yuya-san was also always near the cameras, and he was very helpful and gave me advice like, "You did it this way before, but why don't you try it this way?" Also, I practice kyokushin karate, so that might be why I was praised for my kicks. So, when it came to direction, we also had an increase in kicking scenes. Over the next year, I'd like to improve my action skills more.

"How was post recording?"

Chinen: It was my first time, so it was much more difficult than filming. Director Sugihara spent alot of time with me for episodes 1 and 2 in particular, since they're the ones the viewers would see for the first time. After that, Director Sugihara gave me some advice. Shouts like "Hah!" and "Tah!" tend to become monotonous as it goes on, so he said, "I want to see some variation." He recommended the game "Street Fighter" as a good reference. I wrote down the shouts I thought were good in a memo and did them my own way. Naturally, I also referred to the shouts of my senior Riders.

"What's been your most passionate scene so far?"

Chinen: It would have to be the transformation scene in the first episode. Until then, the wind had been blowing so strongly, that it was like a cloud of dust, but it stopped right as it came time to do my performance. Thanks to this, we were able to shoot the cut where the wind makes Shouma's hair rise up and reveals his eyes. I also talked with Director Sugihara about it, saying, "It's a scene where the wind was on our side."

"How's the teamwork with your costars, Hino Yusuke-san and Miyabe Nozomi-san?"

Chinen: Both of them are usually friendly, but when they get in front of the cameras, they quickly switch into their roles. They're the type of people who can clearly switch on and off. Not just for Shouma, they're also my own reassuring friends.

"We were told that among the three of you, Chinen-san's plays the role of the funny guy, while Hino-san's the straight man."

Chinen: Sometimes I'll derail the conversation or make bombshell statements (laughs). Each time, Hino-san puts us back on the right track. Miyabe-san watches from a slightly removed position, but will sometimes react.

"By the way, Chinen-san, what's your favorite sweet?"

Chinen: It's gummies, naturally! However, since I'm from Okinawa, I'd also like to promote "chinsukou" and "sata andagi" (laughs).

"We'd also love to see those two appear as Gochizou."

Chinen: Will they appear?! It seems like they'd be limited to Okinawa. Of course, I'd be happy if they come out, but for now I'll just hope for it within my heart.

"Finally, please give a message directed to all the fans of Gavv."

Chinen: The story of Kamen Rider Gavv began with a young man coming from another world to the human world. I hope that you'll pay attention to how Shouma meets unique friends in the human world and grows. Especially the bond he has with his mother, family bonds is one of the themes, so if possible, I'd like you to watch it with your loved ones. If you watch it, you'll definitely want to show your love and respect to your parents. I'd like to make this a show that you can support throughout the year. I hope you'll pay attention to and enjoy the activities of not only our cast, but also the Gochizou. I look forward to your support throughout the next year!

Hino Yusuke (Hanto)

"Have you watched the Kamen Rider series?"

Hino: I have an older brother, so we had alot of transformation belts from "Kamen Rider Kuuga" and other early Heisei series at home. In terms of my generation though, it would've been "Kamen Rider Den-O." After that, I watched "Kamen Rider Kiva" and "Kamen Rider Decade."

"Who's your all time favorite Rider?"

Hino: I watched it with enthusiasm, so it'd have to be Den-O. When I was in elementary school, I commuted to school by train and was once stopped by a station attendant when I tried to walk through the ticket gate with the pass for the transformation belt (laughs).

"Did you play the role of Hanto during the audition?"

Hino: I also played the role of who I later found out was the main character, but in the end, I was frequently assigned the role of Hanto. Still, I thought his character had a cool position when they explained him to me, so I wasn't sure if he'd fit with my everyday self.

"How was it when you learned that you had been chosen?"

Hino: I was shocked because I wasn't expecting to be picked. The way my agency informed me also startled me abit. I was so happy and shocked, that I was in a state where I couldn't think straight for about five minutes.

"Did you contact your family right away?"

Hino: I was told it was okay to contact my parents as soon as I could. My mother cried and was delighted. Hearing my mother's tearful voice on the other end of the phone caused me to cry as well. My father never seemed very interested in my work, but when I told him that I had passed the audition, he exclaimed "seriously?!" in the loudest voice I had ever heard (laughs). It made me really happy when I heard that. My father's always worrying about me. I started this work when I was in high school, but was told, "You're a student, so your priority is your studies and to then go to college." However, my work became so busy, that it became difficult for me to attend college, and my parents were constantly worried about me. That's why I think I was finally able to reassure them by passing this audition, and it's a new starting point for me as well. In this day and age, TV dramas that run for a year are rare, so I'm grateful for the opportunity to participate in one, and I'll do my best this year without forgetting to keep my mind fresh.

"What was your first impression when you read the script?"

Hino: When I first heard about the motif, I thought, "What would a sweets Rider be like?" I think everyone's first guess would be a poppin, cute hero. So, while yes, the designs give off a cool, cute and modern feel, the story is very dramatic. The lives of Shouma and Hanto, who I play, will gradually overlap, and many other appealing characters appear, which always makes me wonder what will happen next. I myself look forward to the next script whenever I receive one. How will Hanto become a Kamen Rider, and how will he relate to Shouma after becoming one? I hope that you'll look forward to that.

"Did the Director give you any orders regarding your performance?"

Hino: I was told, "It's good to be more flexible." There's the way he approaches people with his fake smile when he's a freelance writer, and his "I'll crush you" anger when he confronts a Granute. It didn't matter what others would think, he told me, "I'd rather you vary his strengths and weaknesses so that he looks like a different person." At first, I thought Hanto was a cool character. It certainly looks that way when compared to Shouma and Sachika, but there are surprisingly few scenes resembling that in the show, it's more like he's clumsy around people. The Director raised the mood of my first appearance scene, up to the point where it felt like a silly older brother had appeared. That part changed the impression I had when I first received the script considerably.

"We have the impression that freelance writers are prone to being disliked, as they're always snooping around and are persistent in pestering the main character."

Hino: While I can't speak for myself, Hanto himself is a character who's teased during the show, so he's the most lovable character. He acts with conviction, and I think that's what makes him so cool, but he sometimes ends up getting nowhere, so he gets teased. And yet, when he's teased, he'll get angry and say, "Don't screw with me!," but he doesn't deny it (laughs). The reason Hanto's slowly becoming more like that may be due to the fact that my own character is starting to come out. In this sense, I feel that the synchronization with the role has risen. This way, Hanto's character has a wide range, so I'm able to play him rather freely.

"After this, Hanto reaches a major turning point when he becomes a Kamen Rider, so did you switch up your performance there?"

Hino: For Hanto, it's not so much a situation where his fate has taken a turn for the worse, it's more like his connection from the past has further unfolded. That's why rather than switching between before and after he becomes a Kamen Rider, I tried to separate his role as a freelance writer from his desire for revenge against the Granutes. To tell you the truth, after I learned about Hanto's early life, I tried to avoid "seeing" his family as much as possible in order to understand his loneliness alittle better. That's why when he confronts the Granutes, I think his eyes are pretty much burning with anger. It is of big help for him that he's surrounded by cheerful characters like the Gochizou and Sachika.

"How was the first transformation scene?"

Hino: Before his first transformation, another major event happens to Hanto which leads to him becoming a Kamen Rider. With the power he's acquired for the first time, Hanto's first transformation is a scene where he shows the anger and hatred he's been holding onto for such a long time towards the Granute. Trying to convey those emotions through my performance was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I think that Valen's transformation itself was also unrefined, unlike the image of a perfect hero with overwhelming strength. Still, he's unrefined but works as hard as he can, so I'd be happy if everyone who watches the show can feel that there's a cool feel to him. In a scene where "tears" are an important point in the direction, I was so emotional, that tears genuinely ran down my face as well. I still remember this because it was a moment when my emotions and my performance matched up.

"As Hanto, did you feel like he reached the climax from the earliest stage?"

Hino: No, no! This isn't the end of his story! (laughs). I'm sure there'll be many more climaxes from now on, and I'm personally looking forward to them.

"What did you think of Kamen Rider Valen's design?"

Hino: There was more chocolate than I expected (laughs). Despite that, it's cool. I also like that Valen is a "helmet type," while Gavv is a "mask type."

"By the way, Hino-san, what's your favorite sweet?"

Hino: Chocolate of course!

"Do you have a favorite secondary Rider from previous Riders?"

Hino: It's Kamen Rider Zeronos from Den-O. I love his "I'm pretty strong!" catchphrase! In terms of actors, I like Yoshizawa Ryo-san, who played Kamen Rider Meteor in "Kamen Rider Fourze." When you're that cool at giving a performance, you can't be beat. Director Kamihoriuchi previously told me that when Yoshizawa-san was told to "do something like this," he instantly made it his own performance instead of following instructions. He also said, "His ability to adapt was exceptional." It made me want to be an actor like him. He's a respectable person.

"We'd like to see a catchphrase from Valen as well."

Hino: Yeah. He currently doesn't have any lines that he's always saying, but I'll try to bring out Hanto's human appeal while standing beside Shouma, the hero from another world.

"Do you want to film some action of yourself before transforming?"

Hino: Action is fun! I do voluntary training on a daily basis together with Valen's Suit Actor Kaji Kotaro-san, Gavv's Nawata Yuya-san, and everyone else on the Action Team. The day before an action scene is set to be filmed, they would assist me in practicing for it. With the exception of impossible scenes, I've been challenging myself to not use a stand in.

"How's the teamwork with your co stars, Chinen-san and Miyabe-san?"

Hino: We get along very well. They're both really adorable, but they're professional actors who are reliable on set. In a good way, we're rivals and friends. I hope I can build a better relationship with them from now on.

"Not long ago you said, "It might be his own fault that Hanto's become a character who's teased," but is Hino-san himself a character who's being teased?"

Hino: Basically, I play the role of responding to Chinen-kun's jokes (laughs). However, including Miyabe-san, when the three of us are together, I sometimes play the role of a fool, and will often be the one saying, "Hey, cut it out~." That's the way things usually go. Just so you're aware, I am the oldest (laughs).

"And now finally, please give a message to all fans of Gavv."

Hino: For me, Kamen Riders are the heroes I've dreamed of being since I was a child, so I'm very happy that I'm able to be involved in this historic series. Over the next year, I'll do my best to meet and exceed everyone's expectations with sincerity, and without forgetting my original intention. I look forward to your support!

Miyabe Nozomi (Sachika)

"First, please tell us about the time of your audition for Gavv."

Miyabe: I'll be honest, the audition was a disaster. The audition script contained several assignments, each being individually numbered. At that time, act 2 was a fainting performance and act 3 was a conversation between two people, and even though I thought, "I absolutely have to pass!," I was so incredibly nervous, that I ended up doing a fainting performance for act 3. The other actor spoke to me according to the script, and that's when I realized, "This is wrong!," but it was too late. The final audition didn't go well either. The Director told me, "Act like an aunt from Osaka," but I wasn't confident that I could pull it off, and that's when I became depressed and thought, "This is a lost cause." In spite of all that, I was surprised that I was chosen.

"How did you receive the report that you had been chosen?"

Miyabe: After the audition, my manager called me to come to Ginza. As I headed there and thought, "I wonder if they're upset about something?," they messaged me with, "Take a selfie with your phone." I didn't understand what they meant and was like, "Eh? Did I gain weight or something?" but then I got a message saying, "You passed the audition." It seems that the selfie was to document me going from freaked out to smiling. I had never been so emotionally moved as I was at that moment. This video captures a memorable moment in time, so I hope to be able to release it in some form someday (laughs).

"Have you watched the Kamen Rider series?"

Miyabe: I have a younger brother who's eight years younger than me, so we watched "Kamen Rider Drive," "Ghost," and "Ex-Aid" together. After I passed the audition, I watched "Kamen Rider Gotchard" in order to study.

"We're sure your brother was happy to know that his sister was going to play a role in Kamen Rider."

Miyabe: I still haven't told my brother yet (at the time of this interview). I was given the okay to talk to them about it, so I did contact my parents right away. I plan on surprising my brother by not telling him until the official announcement.

"What were your impressions of Gavv from reading the script?"

Miyabe: Each and every character has a story to tell, so I thought it was a production that'll keep you interested even early on. That's why I can never wait for the next script. I'm sure all the viewers feel the same way.

"Did the Director give you any orders regarding your role?"

Miyabe: Along with Shouma's Chinen-kun, Director Sugihara gave us acting lessons even before filming began. Each time, I was told, "Cheerful, cheerful." It was required at the auditions, so I always try to have the cheerfulness of an Osakan aunt and the kindness that seems to embrace everyone. Sachika is a gyaru president, but I've personally lived a life with no connection to gyarus. I also wasn't the type to stand out in class. That's why after I was chosen for this role, I learned to be more like a gyaru by listening to songs with a cheerful tempo, reading gyaru magazines, and watching official Youtube channels and TikToks.

"What does Miyabe-san think a gyarus mind is?"

Miyabe: I wonder…….No matter how difficult a situation may be, you can always think, "Well, I'll figure it out!," and in a positive sense, I think it's important not to "overthink" things. A friend of mine often says, "Keep a gyaru in your heart,” and I thought it was a very good saying. Thanks to those words, I'm now able to have a gyaru named Amane Sachika reside in my heart.

"Playing the role of Amane Sachika is also a "transformation" for Miyabe-san."

Miyabe: You're right! There's quite a gap between myself and Sachika, so I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that it's a transformation for me. I've never played a role so different from my own self before, so it's fun (laughs). It's not just acting that I enjoy, but also doing alot of research for the role.

"Did you also make your hair blonde for the role of Sachika?"

Miyabe: I did. I've always had black hair, but I bleached it three times to make it blonde. At first, every time I looked in the mirror, I was like, "Who are you?" (laughs). Still, once I got used to looking at it, I started to see myself in photos as a different person from who I used to see when I had black hair. Sachika also wears heavy makeup, so you might not even notice me when I walk down the street during my private time. That's why I'm thinking of wearing colored contacts and false eyelashes in my private time so people will notice me (laughs).

"Sachika isn't a fighter, but are there any plans for action scenes?"

Miyabe: There are no particular scenes set for me, but I was once allowed to participate in an action session. I didn't do very well at the time, but I'd be happy if they could prepare some action scenes for Sachika too! Since I went through great lengths to appear in Kamen Rider, I'd like to try my hand at action.

"Would you like to transform into a Kamen Rider like Shouma and Hanto?"

Miyabe: I'd like to do that too! Recent series always have female Kamen Riders, and my dream is to be one of them. However, Sachika's a woman with a strong heart, so even if she can't transform, I'd like to use the strength of her feelings as her "weapon."

"Miyabe-san, which Rider do you like more, Gavv or Valen?"

Miyabe: That's a tough question! (laughs). Gavv's a Rider from another world, so he's incredibly strong, but when he's alone he usually ends up in a pinch. And since Valen's the one who helps him, it's like they're one and the same. So, I guess I'd go with both.

"Have you ever directly seen the Kamen Riders on set?"

Miyabe: They're so cool! Being able to see those forms up close and personal will definitely motivate me for the next year. Before I entered this set, I thought the camera work was what made the action so powerful. Naturally, there are scenes like that, but the action itself is very powerful. When I watched episodes 1 and 2, I was surprised to see that the scenes that were already powerful without CG were even more powerful with CG.

"Were there any other spectacles unique to tokusatsu heroes?"

Miyabe: The Gochizou are made by using both props and CG, so during filming of the CG scenes, Chinen-kun talks to Gochizou that aren't there. I thought that kind of performance was difficult. Still, Sachika doesn't know that the Gochizou exists. She also doesn't know about the Granutes, or that Shouma and Hanto are Kamen Riders. They're so close, yet she only knows about Kamen Riders through gossip. I can only imagine what would happen to Sachika if she knew of the Granute's existence. She might want to try to get along with them instead of fighting. Of course, she'd become angry if someone she cared about got hurt by them.

"What's been the most impressive scene up to episode 5?"

Miyabe: Sachika runs a general store, so she and Shouma do alot of jobs together. I enjoyed the scene where they were handing out flyers to advertise the ramen shop. I'm looking forward to seeing what other jobs they do in the future. I also like the scene in episode 3, where Hanto comes to Hapipare and Sachika pokes him with a toy. I thought it was a good representation of their relationship. It's not that Sachika can't read the room, as when she has to do something, she'll do it, but the mood of the place comes first (laughs).

"Hino-san himself said that Hanto's a character that everyone teases."

Miyabe: Hino-kun himself often makes the set feel more relaxed when he's teased. I also mess around with him alot (laughs). It's kind of easy to tease him, almost like there's a sense of security and that it's okay to tease him. He's the oldest out of the three of us (laughs). Chinen-kun lightens up the mood with his interesting remarks, like when he says, "That's one way of thinking about it!" Once Hino-kun gets into it, it becomes really noisy. We screw around when it's time to screw around, but we're very serious when we have to face our roles. They'll suggest things like, "Let's try this here," or "Let's practice this alittle." I'm glad that the three of us will be together on this set for a year.

"Miyabe-san, what kind of sweets do you like?"

Miyabe: I like plum types of sweets, like crunchy plums and dried plums. On days when we have filming, I'll stop by a convenience store and buy one of those before heading to the set. However, the makeup artist pointed out to me that I should be careful not to eat too much, otherwise my face might puff up (laughs).

"And now finally, please give a message to the fans of Gavv."

Miyabe: Kamen Rider Gavv is poppin and cute, and I think it's a show that'll be easy for all kinds of people to relate to. I really hope that people of all ages will watch it. Since I'm also "armed" with a gyarus mindset, I'll do my best to cheer up tons of people. I look forward to your support over the next year!

[russellsppttemplates]

How about a girlfriend that does charity and she does it with the driver maybe Lando? when they’re home together (like idk buying and donating things for orphanage or women’s shelter) if you’re comfortable with he idea

"I don't mind auctioning my stuff away, but how about some of your things too?", Lando suggested as you sorted through his wardrobe and helmet and racesuits collections.

"I've been donating clothes that are still in good shape - your clothes have more value because they've been worn by you, so it brings in more money", you reasoned, "no one would buy anything from me", you shrugged your shoulders.

"We could try, though! Chat is always crazy about you and I think they would be down for that. Say this dress here - didn't you tell me that it pinched you and it hurt your boobs?", he pointed to a black dress you wore to a team Christmas dinner, "I certainly don't want you in pain and never hurting these", he cupped your boobs, smirking like a horny teenager, "so maybe it would be good to sell and then donate that money?", he suggested.

"I doubt anyone would pay good money for it, but sure, we can try! And we could throw this one in the mix too, and this shirt - if anyone's paying for anything it's because it's a good piece", you mumbled.

"Hi guys! Chat is all excited because you're here, see?", Lando kissed your temple and secured you on his lap, "today's stream is a little different, and you might have seen a little bit of it from the stories I put up earlier this week", Lando explained, "earlier this week Y/N and I made a big order of clothes and some furniture for an orphanage back home. They have an amazing program to ensure kids have a future in what they want to study or work in and we're also visiting them soon, and we thought you guys would want to help too if you wanted!", he smiled.

"This seems like we're decluttering the house - and in a way we are, to be honest, but there's this organisation here in Monaco that helps new parents in need - anything from diapers, formula, wipes, medications, clothes - and since we don't know much about that", you said as Lando chirped in, "not yet", smiling as he kissed your temple again, "since we don't know much about it, we were thinking of auctioning Lando's racesuits and a spare helmet, and all of the money would be going to that organisation", you explained, still blushing from his comment.

Lando put up the website where you had uploaded the photos and details, "someone says "there are some of Y/N's dresses here, are they for auction too?" - Yes, they are! This one wasn't so sure anyone would buy them so please buy them because a) it's for a good cause and b) I would get to tell her "I told you so" and get bragging rights for being right", he smiled smugly.

"Wow, you're really loving it", you spoke to the stream as the pieces or clothing were getting higher and higher bids, "guys, thank you so much! You have no idea how happy this makes me, us! We donate to this organisation every year and now we thought we could make a bigger contribution but never this big, thank you so much", you smiled, feeling a bit emotional and how caring and giving everyone was being, even people typing in the chat that they had made a direct money donation with the quantity they were able to give.

"What can I say? I'm always right", Lando charmed, praising himself as you cuddled closer to him, "you were", you whispered.

"Louder, baby, the chat can't hear you say I was right", he chuckled.

"Oh, the lady at the orphanage just sent us pictures of the kids doing their homework on the new desks!", you showed Lando the pictures you were sent, "I wish we could show you guys, but the little faces are showing", you said, pursing your lips and scrolling through until you found one of just the room, "this one doesn't! Look at how great their room looks now!", you gushed as you showed the camera.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

[auroblaze]

Sonic Frontiers DLC dropped and since then I've been consumed and obsessed to put it lightly, that on spare times at work I stopped to doodle down what I thought The End could've been like 👀👉👈

More thoughts in depth about the final boss after the cut:

Okay so here's the thing, I went into the final battle expecting it to be like the one from the base game but with, more ( like most of us did I assume). The fact is, while technically it was like that, I found myself missing some details I liked from the original one, such as obviously The End's speech and the overall vibe... heck I made a three pages comic about it, so SOMETHING was done right there, otherwise it wouldn't have me inspired at all.

The new final battle was still a great spectacle to me, mind you! It genuinely hyped me through the whole run! I simply was expecting The End to eventually reveal it's...not even true form I guess, because it says to have multiple incarnations and I think that kind of makes sense. But A different form from the gigantic moon would've been pretty dope to see nontheless. From the trailer I was sure that the "seven arms possessed Supreme" was gonna take the place of regular Supreme. I didn't quite get why The End would use Supreme again since the first time clearly didn't work..? I mean the battle was still amazing but frankly there are many choices in the story I didn't understand djfhgdg... I hope the next title puts some more effort on the story too because they are really *so close*!

I started to think that, since the game proposes you as island/level bosses the Titans... as something different (as it usually works for the final battles in sonic games) it could have worked that The End was gonna fight Sonic at his level, almost his size. I mean the game is clearly full of anime references so this wouldn't have been that much weird to see lmao.

The last picture in this post was actually the first bunch of sketches I did before the release of the DLC. At first I imagined The End as like, an alien death's-head hawkmoth (Acherontia atropos if u prefer) that could shapeshift in different adversaries based on Sonic's memories, right because of its speech to him about "seeing into his mind" and all his past challenges. I wanted also to add another anime influence on his appearence by making it kind of like the Anti-Spiral boss from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

The sketches AFTER the DLC are also various other ideas from the brainrot sjghdf, it's mostly The End picking the Ancients' technology design as mockery, and Sonic going all-out continues to be a thing because that genuinely slapped👀👀👀

[a-force-dyad-in-space]

So I've been rewatching the Twilight movies and certain scenes from them recently, and there's something that caught my eye while going through the post-battle scene in Eclipse.

We have Jane and the others show up, being like "blah blah blah, you guys did pretty well against all these newborns, how curious, blah blah" before Jane notices that one of the newborns is still alive, pointing out Bree.

Now, here's where it gets interesting for me. Because Jasper immediately moves and stands next to her protectively.

And yeah, sure, he's the newborn expert, he's in charge of all-things newborn vampires, so in that sense alone it makes sense for him to associate himself with her in that way, but I think it's a lot more than that; namely something that is always mentioned in passing in the movies, but never really pointed out as something significant (unlike Edward's telepathy and Alice's precognition, which are always mentioned first in terms of desirable acquisitions of power). I of course speak of his pathokinesis.

Bree is scared. At this point she has realized that she's a vampire and what that means for her life, but she has no idea if she will come out of this stand-off alive, so naturally, she is nervous.

And thanks to his pathokinesis, of course Jasper can feel that. So I think he's standing with her, almost protectively, not just because he's in charge of her, but because he can feel her fear and tries to comfort her with his presence (she with her vampire sight can of course see that his skin is decked out in scars, so that intimidating display alone probably tells her him being on her side is a good thing).

And then we come to Jane starting to torture Bree, and me having another observation.

When she falls to the ground and is screaming in agony, we can assume that Jasper can feel that, too (not the pain itself, but the mental anguish connected to it). And look how startled he seems when he sees her fall and looks from Bree to Jane.

This moment here makes me think that this is probably the first time he's ever seen Jane's power in person. Of course he knew about her, knew what her powers are. Alice probably filled him in in detail about the events in Volterra from New Moon, and I assume Carlisle has shared many stories over the years, too.

But hearing about something and actually seeing it first-hand are two very different things.

For someone like him, who can feel what other people are feeling, from their happiest moments to their most devastating mental pain, watching Jane not only use her powers, but relish in their effect without a second thought since she can't feel the pain she's causing, must be absolutely nauseating, for lack of a better word.

Jasper's experienced several lifetimes of anguish by proximity and is trying his best to make others feel better, while Jane deals blow after blow with her powers without any consequence. It must feel wrong and unfair to him.

Anyway, back to the point.

This is the face of a man who has fully realized what the antagonistic force is capable of, and he'll be sure to be prepared, next time they cross paths.

And lastly, something sad.

He turns his back on Bree, probably because he can't deal with watching her die on top of feeling her fear and pain. Neither he nor the other Cullens can stop Bree's death from happening without declaring war on the Volturi in the process (because I'm certain that's how Jane and the others would see their push-back).

So all he can do is turn away, and maybe make an effort to lessen her pain (it doesn't look like he did, but I think it would make sense if he used his powers to make death less frightening for Bree).

Anyway, rest in peace, Bree, you would have made a wonderful addition to the Cullen family. ♥

[verareids]

nights like these - spencer reid x gn!reader

spencer gets back from a rough case and reader comforts him. tags/cws: hurt/comfort, use of 'y/n', gn!reader, fluffy angst, mention of case involving kids but no details wc: 1008 a/n: Definitely not my favourite fic I've ever written and I haven't written anything in a while but it is my first Spencer fic so yay! Also, I was picturing late season 3/ season 4 Reid but it doesn't really matter. also posted on ao3

When the jet lands in Quantico at 12:47am Spencer is exhausted. After a truly grueling case he couldn’t even bring himself to read on the flight home. He’d just sat staring out the window. Kids. It’s always the cases involving kids that will fuck you up the most. JJ and Morgan have both tried their hand at comforting him and received a concerning lack of response. The rest of the team had been able to get some rest. Spencer hadn’t been so lucky. Every time he’d close his eyes he’d see their faces, hear their screams. Morgan stands up on the other side of the booth and the sudden motion pulls Spencer out of deep thought. He grabs his bag and prepares to get up when Emily shuffles past him, squeezing his shoulder on the way. The team clambers out of the jet and ends up in the bullpen, getting their things in order before they’re able to go home. Spencer walks out though the doors, heading for the elevator when the sound of JJ’s voice brings him to a halt.

“Reid…” JJ steps in front of him. “You heading home?” Spencer stops and stares at her incredulously.

“Yeah?” His tone showing only a hint of irritation. JJ looks back up at him, choosing to brush past his attitude.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Her concerned stare feels as though it’s piercing right through him and suddenly he can’t quite meet her eyes.

“I’m sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, JJ.” He walks past her towards the elevator, pressing the button when her voice stops him in his tracks again.

“Spencer, just…” JJ’s voice trails off as he turns to look back at her, she tilts her head sympathetically. “I know you don’t want to talk right now but… try to talk to (y/n) at least, don’t bottle it all up.” He forms a tight-lipped smile and nods.

“I will, thanks.” He replies slightly dismissively and turns to step into the elevator as the doors open and shut behind him. 

Spencer walks through the parking lot faster than usual, wanting nothing more than to just get home. Maybe he’d find you waiting for him there, sitting on the couch with a book, or maybe watching a movie. He’d sit down next to you and let you run your fingers through his hair, scratch his scalp, kiss his face, make all of the horrible images fade away. However, when he does get home, there is only silence. The lights are off, save for one lamp you had left on so that it wouldn’t be too dark for him. Spencer hangs his bag on a hook and removes his converse, placing them neatly by the front door. He tries to keep the sound of his footsteps light as he moves to turn off the lamp. 

Once he finally enters the bedroom he finds you there, sleeping ever so peacefully. He lets out a long, shaky sigh, looking over at the digital alarm on the bedside table, 1:40am, of course you’re not still awake. Quiet as he can, he removes his work clothes and gets ready for bed. When he lays down beside you he rolls onto his side to look at your face. All of the emotions he’s worked so hard to hold back over the last few days come flooding back with stinging eyes and a lump in his throat that he can’t force away. He studies your face, your quiet, relaxed form and decides he shouldn’t wake you. You have work in the morning – you both do – and it wouldn’t be wise to disturb your sleep to burden you with his work problems, although he knew it to be much deeper than that. Spencer exhales a shaky breath and resigns to closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep. He’s moments away from slipping into unconsciousness when a soft hand delicately brushes the side of his face.

“Spence?” He allows his eyes to flutter open at the sound of your voice and meets your drowsy, half shut eyes – his breath catching in his throat at the sight. When your lips stretch into an adoring smile he notices the stinging feeling in his eyes come back full force. “When did you get back?” You ask while your thumb runs a gentle line under his bottom lip causing him to bite it softly.

“Only five minutes ago.” Spencer replies with a shakiness he doesn’t bother to hope you won’t notice. Nothing ever gets past you. As expected, he watches as a subtle frown takes over your features.

“Bad?” You ask. A simple question, yet his eyes still well up when he nods in response. You don’t ask if he wants to talk about it, you know he doesn’t. “What do you need?’ Your hand moves again, this time to brush back a strand of hair that had fallen over his sullen face.

“You.” The way his voice cracks breaks your heart. You pull him into your chest and he rests his head there. When you run your fingers through his hair you feel his strong hands clutching the back of your shirt, pressing your body against his as close as possible. Tears stain your clothing as he breathes shakily against you.

This is the hardest part of Spencer’s job. Over the years he has developed an incredible ability to compartmentalize. He is generally pretty skilled at separating work from personal life. With a job like his you can’t afford to bring it home with you, but even with that mindset, there’s no way to stop it from getting to you occasionally. Nights like these are inevitable. You continue to thread your fingers through his curls as you feel him getting heavier against you as he slowly drifts to sleep. Staring straight up at the ceiling you can only hope that your presence will help keep the nightmares at bay. You whisper comforting words into his ear while you lay silently praying that tomorrow will be kinder to him.

[tomiyeee]

donnie had. SO. much concept art lol. i really enjoyed the whole design process though. his base design is very difficult to work with because of the battleshell, but it gave me a lot of chances to get creative and i'm happy with the results :)

(also as a disclaimer so i don't get asked about this: i don't have motivation to finish raph or the wish art for donnie, so i'm just posting what i've got)

i didn't annotate these as much since there'd be a lot to write, but i'll write out some of my thought processes and go into some detail about his final design below the cut if you're interested! (it's long. i'm talkative 😔)

1st row - first iteration; much more literal 1:1 translation of his design into a fantasy setting. very steampunk-y. ended up completely scrapping it because, simply put, he looked more like an npc than a playable character. obviously, several features did still carry over throughout the design process :3 also wanted to imagine his attack pattern cuz i thought it'd be fun to incorporate his spider arms.

this was actually the first design of any of them i'd come up with! i've definitely learned a lot about genshin's character design style since then and i think it shows 😂

2nd row - playing around with the idea of a floating battleshell (rather than a backpack-like one in the the show & first version), inspired by nahida's cape. also hard light constructs/attachments. was leaning too into the sci-fi and rectangular motifs with the design, but i liked the idea.

3rd/4rth rows - concepts for his final outfit and shell designs (the colored/more-detailed pics are the more finalized ones). took a lot of inspiration from sumeru this time around. it's a lot sharper, shinier, and less rectangular than his og aesthetic, but i think it's more in-line with genshin's design philosophies.

5th row - not entirely sure why i went through all the trouble of making a 3d model for this. i mostly just thought it'd be fun and good for reference. i was right, but i don't know what to do with it now lol. can't be bothered to be a perfectionist about it though, so don't look too closely at it 😭

6th row - incomplete thumbnails of his burst/wish art. not super sold on that "wing" design in particular, but i do like the idea of his shell splitting and deploying hard light weapons/rocket launchers/etc sort of like in canon.

battleshell/misc notes - i'm thinking his battleshell is controlled using the pink sensor on the back of his coat, possibly in combination with his headset. it floats behind him by default and is sturdy enough to protect his back, but he can also freely fly it around like a drone if he wants. the holes on the side are mainly for the spider arms and the banners(?) and handles(?) with the blue/pink gradient are made of hard light and only appear when the shell is in use.

i imagine like in the series, his tech here isn't necessarily very reliant on his vision/powers; much of it he likely made himself long before he received a vision and he just uses his vision to enhance it.

his burst is a barrage of missiles from his shell that lock onto an enemy and deal a large burst of electro damage in an AOE. not sure if i want his skill to be a deployable or some sort of electro-infusion/boost 🤔 maybe something that involves deploying his shell to boost his damage while leaving him vulnerable, like a glass canon? though i'm not sure he'd be that sort of risk-taker... 😅 dunno! his signature weapon would totally be his tech bo though.

that's about all i can think of. thanks for reading!

[blusocket]

I've seen some people express some confusion about what Fortnight is about, why it opens the album, what's happening in the video, etc, so here's my attempt at an analysis. For the most part I'll be referring to the characters in the video with the names of the people playing them (Taylor and Post) but at times I'm going to be making direct reference to the events of Taylor's personal life and referring to the muses by their names (Joe and Matty) for the sake of clarity and simplicity.

The song itself uses the suburbia conceit as an extended metaphor for the beginning of her relationship with Matty (he's the neighbor she runs away to Florida with, Joe is the cheating husband.) For more eloquent and detailed thoughts on the narrative of the song you can check out Jaime @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes's post here.

The video is really dense, and I'm not 100% confident in every aspect of my interpretation, but I feel pretty sure that it's making extensive use of visual metaphor in order to tell roughly the same story as the song, just in a different setting. To start, Taylor wakes up chained to a bed in a white dress.

To me this suggests that she's been driven mad by being left at the altar, and is now trapped, surveilled and controlled, in a type of asylum. This represents the end of her relationship with Joe--waiting for a marriage that never came, feeling trapped, mentally unwell etc.

She then takes 'forget him' pills which reveal Post's tattoos on her face when she looks in the mirror.

This represents Matty (the "miracle move-on drug") and shows that he made a mark on her while she was still in the asylum--that is, still in her relationship with Joe. Additionally, in the wide shot where we see the mirror, its size and shape are very reminiscent of a one-way mirror, often seen in interrogation rooms and psychological experiments, further reinforcing the idea that Taylor is imprisoned here.

She then is able to go to the typewriter room and do her work, creating art about how she's feeling, shown by her repeatedly typing "I love you, it's ruining my life" on the typewriter. She's still in pain and feeling trapped. While there, she encounters Post and they create art together, which creates beauty and color in her life. The blue and gold obviously reference her writing about Joe, but the fact that her work is gold and Post's is blue may be a deliberate choice to draw parallels between Matty and Joe, as she does on numerous songs throughout TTPD.

The next scene, where Taylor's hair is down and she and Post are wearing the same black coat and pants, takes place inside her head (symbolized by the shape of the papers they're laying on.) She is dreaming about them being free and creating art together, represented by the papers surrounding them and book she's holding, which has the word "us" written on the cover. She's writing their story before it's begun.

She then reaches for his hand in her fantasy, accepting and asking for this relationship

Then we see that she's being studied and experimented on--the results of the lie detector test read "I love you, it's ruining my life." Her pain is an object of fascination.

Interestingly, Post is part of the group experimenting on her, but when the experiments begin to cause her pain, he liberates her.

This inspires Taylor to destroy the place where she's been trapped, which we see through her opening the filing cabinets that cover the walls and destroying the mirror. I also find the shot of her standing still while papers burn around her interesting and significant; I interpret this as Taylor destroying her own work about Joe. By choosing to leave, she is metaphorically burning--rejecting--the story she wrote about them.

Finally, Taylor and Post enter the dangerous outside world together; the rain echoes the lyric "I chose this cyclone with you" on the album's title track. While I do feel the meaning of Post being in the phone booth is somewhat ambiguous, the framing and the accompanying lyric--"I've been calling ya but you won't pick up" suggest that he's attempting to communicate with her but can't reach her. They are free of her prison, but still separated.

Then, he hangs up the phone and reaches for her hand, and she takes it. The final shot of the video is a close up on their linked hands, presenting us with a cautiously optimistic ending--they are lost and vulnerable in the middle of a storm, but they have each other.

I feel this is a somewhat less sinister, for lack of a better word, portrayal of the start of Matty and Taylor's relationship than is suggested elsewhere on the record, though I believe Post's character being part of the group experimenting on her is significant and the editing creates some ambiguity about exactly when and why she decides to break free. But I hope this clarifies how the video sets up the beginning of this story, the fallout of which is then chronicled over the course of the rest of TTPD.

[paluding]

Owned Restaurant Profit Increase

Two versions to download:

-Double profit: SFS / GD

-Triple profit: SFS / GD

Choose only one version!

We all know how hard it is to maintain a restaurant business in The Sims 2, right? You barely make any money and, if you have some employees to get paid hourly, there's a good chance you'll even end up losing money. Well, once again I've been digging through the files for a while until I've found something to fix this issue. I have to say, this is not the ideal solution at all, but it still makes the business actually profitable, so I thought it might be worth sharing anyways. This tiny mod edits just one single BCON value, and it's super easy to tune to your liking! A lot of technical details, a tutorial on how to tune it, and a big testing research under the cut (bear with me please, I promise it's worth reading).

So the way an unmodded game moves money in a restaurant business goes like this: the moment your waiter puts the dish on the customer table, you get a small percentage of the price of the food deducted. Then, once the customer finishes eating, they pay you the full price of that food (based on how expensive or cheap you set your business). Simple enough, right? Ideally, the best solution would be increasing the price of the food, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find those values anywhere. So what's left on the equation? Yup, that small percentage you get deducted first. I was lucky enough to find that one, so changing it to a negative value means you actually get extra paid first. And that money comes from nowhere, the customer doesn't pay extra, they only pay the price of the actual food. That works for me!

As a quick example, in a new business with 0 stars, if you keep the default price on average, you always gain 28 simoleons for serving a bowl of Mac N Cheese. However, you also get deducted 4 simoleons first, so it's actually 24 simoleons per customer. That's just sad. The Double version of my mod makes it so you get 22 simoleons first, and then the customer pays those 28 simoleons. That's a total of 50 simoleons per customer. More than double the profit, not bad! The Triple version gives you a total of 71, pretty self explanatory. The numbers don’t match exactly with double or triple profits, but I didn’t want to spend that much time finding the exact value to make it exactly double or triple, you know, especially considering there might be other factors that affect your business income. I’m not that good at maths to be honest... orz

So how do you tune this? All you need is SimPe. Open the package, click on the BCON file and edit line number 14, on the Dec box. The default Maxis value was 20. I changed it to -100 to get roughly double the profit, and -200 to get triple profit. If you want to increase the profit even more, make sure you keep it negative when changing the value! Then just click Commit and Save. Done!

One extra note before I continue. The extra money you get with the mod does count for the balance you see on the UI menu for the business on the top right. So if you like to keep track of your income, the mod will take effect on those bars. However, it won’t count for things like the First Simoleon prize thingy. So for now I’m not really sure if this extra money would count for other things such as Lifetime Wants related to gaining money. I haven’t tested it that much.

Okay, now you know almost everything you need to know about this mod. If you want to read some ramblings on how I tested this, keep reading. Otherwise, you’re good to go!

So, let’s talk testing, because that’s something I actually enjoy doing. I built a simple restaurant lot, with about 5 tables available. The conditions were:

-3 Sims from my household to work as host, waiter and chef. No external employees, so I don’t need to keep track of extra salaries to pay.

-Schedule is roughly 15:00 - 22:00.

-New business level 0. Prices were kept at the default average.

-I didn’t use the Basic Sell interaction. If the customer didn’t want to eat at my restaurant, then so be it.

-The chef had 10 points of cooking skill, so I could add any food to the menu. However, I only chose one food to cook to keep the profit numbers as consistent as possible.

For the first case, I chose cooking only Mac N Cheese, a very cheap food that makes almost no money at all. It doesn’t require any cooking skill points. Mac N Cheese gives you 28 simoleons when the Sim pays. -In an unmodded game, you also lose 4 simoleons, so it’s 24 simoleons per customer. After running the business for the set schedule, I got 240 simoleons of profit. Pretty disappointing! If I had employees to pay, I would only have a few simoleons to spare, if any at all. -With my Double version of the mod, you get an extra 22 simoleons, making a total of 50 simoleons per customer. After running the business with the mod in, I got 400 simoleons. Not much, but hey, it’s something.

For the second case, I chose Filet Mignon. This food is pretty fancy, and it requires max cooking skill. Filet Mignon gives you 83 simoleons when the Sim pays. I also noticed the customers take way less time to eat it compared to the Mac N Cheese, so that’s an extra bonus to make the business run faster. -In an unmodded game, you also lose 13, so it’s 70 simoleons per customer. After running the business, I got 630 simoleons of profit. Not bad, but considering you need to max out the cooking skill, it’s almost insulting spending so many hours just to get that… -With my Double version of the mod, you get an extra 65 simoleons, making a total of 148 (!) simoleons per customer. After running the business with the mod in, I got 1036 simoleons. Okay, nooow we’re talking! That's the fancy restaurant status I like to see.

You might be wondering why these numbers are so inconsistent. Well, sometimes my lovely waiter decided to drop the tray on the customers, poor guy. That added to the randomness of how customers decide to enter the restaurant or not, and if the game sits more than one customer on the table or just one of them, if someone gets stuck for a while losing time… all of that can end up making the results a bit inconsistent. That being said, I had better luck when I was running the business without the mod in, yet I still got quite a lot more money with the mod in. I didn’t keep track of the numbers for the Triple version, but as you can probably guess, that one would be even more profitable.

One last case I wanted to test and compare: a completely different type of business, a games and entertainment one using the Bandatron ticket machine. In that scenario, I got 21 simoleons per customer, each hour. So after that schedule of 15:00 - 22:00, I got a total of 789 simoleons! All my sim did during those hours was bartending. That shows how easy it is to run a business with a ticket machine, and the biggest advantage is that you don’t have to pay employees if you don’t need them, and you don’t need any skills at all. Just plop down that machine, put some objects, relax and let the money flow by itself.

So yeah, in conclusion, Eaxis really messed up programming the restaurant businesses, there’s no doubt about it. Hopefully my mod helps balance things out. And if you think it's still too low on the incomes department, you can always tune it to your liking! As far as I know, this should not conflict with anything, but if you run into any issues, let me know and I’ll try my best to fix it asap.

Special thanks to EddySims for their fantastic HQ Icon Pack I used to make the preview pic! <3

[meanbossart]

Okay but I would love to hear your thoughts on the other spawn

Twirling my hair shifty-eyeing to the side OKAAAYYYYY WELL IF YOU INSIST 🛀

(This is a continuation of this post where I go into some detail about my thoughts on Dalyria, Violet, and Leon ((or "Leonard" as I apparently dubbed him as by mistake))

Let me start with the one I love the most after my sweet well-meaning-child-murdering-doctor Dalyria: Pale Petras.

First of all, just look at this fucking guy. What a goober.

I pretty explicitly go off-canon when it comes to my theories about Petras. According to him, he has been with Cazador for a hundred years - I find that very, very difficult to believe. Whether I would scrap that line entirely or just tack it as hyperbole is irrelevant - though he does seem to have a knack for the dramatics, or at least he tries to.

Petras immediately strikes me as a newcomer in the group. He's the most lively out of the spawn we chat with and seems to still retain what is a pretty strong, bold personality. He's antagonizing towards Astarion and pretty much sides with Cazador up until his life is on the line - and, most interestingly to me, his immediate reaction after being freed if you instruct them to lead the spawn into the Underdark seems to be one of fear and reluctance, unlike Dalyria who almost immediately takes the responsibility upon herself and seems warm towards Astarion and the player for what they've done.

Abusive relationships don't start abusive. If you've ever been friends with someone who's hooked up with a known serial abuser, chances are that you have had to sit through their attempts at justifying their behavior as foretold by previous partners - "oh, they just weren't a good match", "they both enabled abuse towards each other", "his ex was just crazy, man." This honeymoon period can last anywhere from a few weeks, to several years - until said friend inevitably finds themselves in the exact same cycle that said ex escaped from.

That's Petras. Petras is fresh meat. He's compliant. He's gullible. As a human in a world where you're surrounded by races that live up to several hundreds of years, he's attributed power to longevity - he loves being a spawn. He loves knowing that he will never lose his youthful looks and that his newly-acquired "curse" makes him desirable in it's own, odd way. He thinks this gig is easy - go out, get laid, get fed, rinse and repeat. Sure, sometimes there's a misunderstanding and he gets his joints broken or nails ripped out, but whatever! They grow back! To a vampire with powers of regeneration, dismemberment and scalping might as well be equivalent to ten belt-smacks to the backside just like his father used to give him as a child. Plus, it's never really his fault - If Master knew the truth, he would never set his goons on him at all!

And Oh, he adores Cazador. Not as a friend, a lover, or even a family member - but an aspiration. He sincerely believes that through hard work and resilience he can one day also have his status and fortune. And it shouldn't even be hard to stand out among this angsty little crew - what are they so bent out of shape about, anyway If they spent less time moping and more time working, maybe they wouldn't have such a tough time. Especially -

Astarion.

While it is likely incidental, I find it very ironic that Petras was put in Astarion's early-access outfit. And much less accidental than that: his mannerism and word-choice are a blatant imitation of Astarion's behavior. The flair, the flirting, the flattering and the abrasiveness; I've heard it theorized that this must be how all of the spawn act - I disagree. Petras is the only one we see exhibit that type of demeanor. I think he actively models himself after Astarion because as thick as he might be, he did catch onto the fact that his master has a particular interest in the white-haired elf.

And, of course, Petras hates Astarion for it. He sees him as someone who could have had it all, but gave up on it in favor of being bitter, angry, and naively wistful over his lost life. He has the looks, he has the charm, he had his master's favor, they go out and Petras watches men and women alike swoon over him and laugh at his shitty jokes, to then return home with a long-faced, bratty little shit-head of a toddler-man who would never even understand what the paralyzing loom of mortality is like in the first place - an ungrateful, nepotistic bastard whose had it all handed over to him by daddy, who was loved and fed and given a well-paid job fresh off his teens - but now he has to put a little work in. Now he has to do things that he might find unpleasant. And all he fucking does is whine about it.

Astarion is the personification of everything Petras ever wanted to be before being turned into a spawn, and he accidentally wears it on his sleeve day in and day out. I have no doubt that Astarion is blatantly aware of that fact and it makes his skin crawl - but Dalyria tells him that Petras is too young. Too new. Cut him some slack.

And frankly, I don't think he's evil, either. He strikes me as naive and star-striken. I don't know how long he's been with the Szarrs for, but certainly the light in his eyes would eventually fade over time and he would have had all the zest beaten out of him, same as the others. But, for now - he just doesn't know his own luck.

Admittedly, I have much less to say about Yousen and Aurelia. We don't hear as much as a word out of Yousen, but I've chosen to read the silence of and about his character as indicative that, maybe, he was able to hold onto his sanity and honor the best out of all of them. He had to do what he had to do to survive, but he did it while attempting to withhold any standards allowed to him for his own peace of mind - I like to imagine he had a lot of sincere empathy for all of the spawn, and, while they were never close, him and Astarion exchanged sincere words about their situation a few times during their stay at the palace; just enough to remind the elf that he wasn't alone, but never so much that Yousen would intrude into his space, or add strain to his already fragile state of mind.

And Aurelia... She strikes me as so young and already so beaten. I'd wager that what was once a sweet tiefling girl is now a terrified animal who does absolutely whatever she can to avoid pain and punishment - the snitch of the group, the reluctant ass-kisser, the one who desperately clings to any relief in whatever form it may come - be her master's approval or the shoulder of a sibling she has damned to the kennel more than once out of fear for her own life. Everybody has been hurt, betrayed, and irritated by her - but she's just so god damn pitiful that they can't push her away forever. While she would live, I believe she would have the hardest time adapting to freedom after Violet - just completely dependent on others and burdened by what she's had to do.

[heeseungiez]

RESOLUTION 4) maybe get a boyfriend?

pairings! park sunghoon x fem!reader x park jay x sim jake x lee heeseung

synopsis! park sunghoon always preferred admiring you from afar. because to him, you were untouchable. as the daughter of his career’s biggest sponsor, he was scared that the smallest slight upon your person could make your father withdraw. but you were not the fragile pretty flower sunghoon thought you to be. it was only his luck that you ran right into his arms when you didn’t know what to do about the rest of his friends.

content warnings! smut (mdni! 18+), swearing, angst (i tried), fluff, unprotected sex, public sex, everyone is a loser, polyamory, ...

word count! ~15k

a/n! i've never been very good at writing endings... </3 but thank you guys so much for reading !!! i've seen everyone rooting for jake, but uhh... i've had a bit of a different idea for the endgame "relationship" from the very start

currently playing . . . good so bad by zerobaseone

masterlist

Good morning, Decelis!

The first term is almost over, and I’m really glad all the tea is piping hot to keep us warm through the winter. 

XO, Miss Decelis

It was time. 

The conversation the four boys feared had to be had. Especially when Heeseung kept trying to corner you in the school’s hallways while you pretended he didn’t exist, and Jake could not keep his hands off you with overly excessive PDA. Jay was your friend, but he kept looking for you in any room he entered, the single night you spent together still playing in his mind and haunting his dreams because that was all he got — he was nothing but a casual fuck to you, one and done, and it was still all his fault. 

Sunghoon had been observing his friends for a while. He could see all of them become more pathetic as time went on. But it was natural, when you began hanging out with them, and neither Heeseung or Jay cursed you out for it — instead, they sought your presence.

The thing was, Sunghoon had most of his information from Jake since Heeseung and Jay kept mostly quiet. But he knew basically everything, the filthy details beyond Miss Decelis gossip. You shared everything with Jake. Despite not being in a relationship, you were honest with him about all the things that went on in your life. So it was a known fact to them that you slept with Jay. That Heeseung was still trying. 

And Sunghoon wanted to laugh, remembering their silly promise that was now being stomped upon as if it never happened because his friends were idiots. 

Not to mention those dumb as hell rules they had around you when they were freshmen. Jesus Christ. 

They were idiots who were always obsessed with you.

But Sunghoon understood why. Way before he met them, he knew the charm you had was enchanting. Like a lady spider creating a thin yet durable web around them, meant to ensnare and never let go.

This was you.

Not a random girl the four of them met at parties and hooked up with (at different times, obviously). You had been in their lives for years.

Sunghoon had known you since he was twelve, probably. He didn’t remember the exact date when he met you, but you were both children back then. You were taller than him back then, too, if he remembered correctly. He was a figure skating prodigy, and you were the daughter who had to tag along because there was nobody to look after you on the weekends. 

You had an ability to make Sunghoon not feel alone whenever he saw you back then. You always played around with him while other kids were apprehensive. You also didn’t see him as competition, so being his friend was normal.

Then your father applied him to Decelis Academy for high school with a letter of recommendation, adding that he would cover any expenses necessary for Sunghoon’s studies while the school would have a national champion as its representative. Which was how you ended up introducing him to Heeseung, Jay and Jake. 

Even though you didn’t speak to them and they mainly ignored you, you made sure to bring Sunghoon to them on your tour. You greeted Jake amiably enough and then you introduced Sunghoon saying that you thought they’d get along well.

And they did. 

Especially Sunghoon and Jake. They clicked instantly. 

You were the force that connected them, and now you had enough power to pull them apart as well.

So they really needed to talk.

Well, not Sunghoon, not really anyway, but he was convinced it was the better thing for them all. 

So when Sunghoon finally got to the boys’ favourite hangout spot after figure skating practice, he clasped his hands together. 

“Y/N,” he said as he sat down, looking at each of his friends to begin the conversation as if it were a business meeting. No beating around the bush. Just a proper conversation between friends who liked the same girl. “We gotta stop avoiding the topic,” Sunghoon sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“No clue what you’re talking about,” Jay mumbled demurely after the mention of your name. 

Jake already knew what Sunghoon was thinking. The two practically shared one brain cell, so he simply glanced at the figure skater with a gaze that said: “Not you too,” but then he nodded because Sunghoon’s gaze replied with, “Are you really surprised?”

“I didn’t do anything though,” he added out loud, so Heeseung and Jay could understand at least a part of the mental conversation. “But the three of you are pissing me off.” He shrugged. 

“You like Y/N but you’re a dick.” He pointed at Heeseung with honesty that made the aforementioned boy flinch. “You like Y/N but you missed every chance you did have.” Sunghoon turned to Jay, earning a nasty glare. “And you’re all good but these two seem like even bigger losers,” he said to Jake, who grinned in response. 

“Shut up. Y/N’s just pretending she doesn’t want me,” Heeseung said confidently, and Jake snorted. 

“He’s lost it,” Jake claimed. “Heeseung being delusional is a rare occurrence. I need to savour this moment.”

“I know she wants me,” said Jay, and to this, Jake couldn’t entirely say no. You had slept with him once, you could do it again. Though you haven’t. 

And Jake realised that it really didn’t matter to him because, at the end of the day, you always came back to him. You could destroy him, tear his heart into pieces, and he’d still crawl on gravel just for you. That’s how bad it was for him, and he couldn’t fault his friends for feeling the same way.

They were one. Even if they were each vastly different. This group of friends was created through fate. Connected together, and likely with a string that began with Y and ended with OU.

If it wasn’t for you, Heeseung would never befriend Jay and Jake, no matter how awful his reasons were. And if it weren’t for you, Sunghoon would never be introduced to them. 

You put them together, and they had to stay that way.

Sunghoon bit his lower lip. Did you at least view him as a friend? He could never speak to you properly these days.

“Look,” Jake spoke up, shaking his head. In his mind, he was a selfish bastard who wanted to keep you all to himself, but these were his friends, and he loved them too. They were not going to fight each other over you. They’d rather avoid it, no matter how unhealthy the lack of confrontation might be. “As long as we don’t have a repeat of Bin from last year, I think we’re good.”

Bin was a girl they all liked enough to want to be with, and it seemed she liked them back. But when the gossip about them spread through school like wildfire, she could not handle that.

You were the centre of Miss Decelis for years. (Jay kept true to his word and told no one about your secret.) The last thing you would care about was people whispering about you being with all of them at once.

If you agreed to it. 

Sunghoon hadn’t even begun properly speaking to you yet. 

“Y/N is different,” Jay affirmed. And while each of the boys wanted to have you for themselves, they knew that unless you chose one of them specifically, all of them still had a chance.

A laugh bubbled up in Heeseung’s chest. “Have you guys ever noticed that the five of us are basically the centre of Miss Decelis? Even if she talks about others, we probably racked up the highest mention count.”

Jay ran a hand through his hair as the only one who knew why. He grinned with feigned nonchalance. “Our lives are clearly the most interesting among the other Decelis losers.”

“Mean,” Jake said and shook his head. “I didn’t have that many mentions until…” you, he wanted to say, but didn’t. The message was clear regardless. 

“‘Cause you’re boring.” Heeseung rolled his eyes playfully. “Y/N makes you more fun… which is not something I thought I’d ever say.”

“You’re down bad for her, buddy,” Sunghoon sighed and patted his friend’s shoulder sympathetically. But at least he got to be with you.

Jay didn’t touch another woman in weeks because of you, and Heeseung couldn’t stay still without having his dick wet since he couldn’t have you. Each of them dealt with their feelings differently, and Sunghoon just didn’t have any time because he’d been training for an upcoming national competition.

One that you would be at because you said so. You and your father would both be there to watch him perform. So he needed to be at his best. Not just to win, but to prove himself to your family once more, to make sure he wouldn’t be abandoned and thrown to the streets (which would not happen).

“Realistically, the centre has always been Y/N and the two of us,” Heeseung said, pointing at himself and Jay. “Do you think we ever did something to this girl? Who even is she? And why attack Y/N when… you know.”

“I guess it’s just some slighted petty bitch,” Jay replied as if he didn’t know the truth and shrugged. “Maybe it’s someone from our childhood that all three of us ignored back then.”

“But wouldn’t that also include me?” Jake added, a confused pout plastered on his lips. “Since I was always with you.”

Sunghoon nodded. He wasn’t as involved with the three guys when they were children, but Jake was right. If it was from childhood, even Jake would be included, right?

“Nah. You’re always too nice. To everyone. Especially Y/N. She was just pretending,” Jay reasoned. Because surely, the guys would believe that. “Maybe she was pissed at us and then accidentally took it out on some poor rando and now we got Miss Decelis on our ass.”

Heeseung chuckled. “I’d like to see that. Pissed Y/N has to look hot as fuck.”

“She’s more cute when she’s pissed,” Jay spoke absentmindedly, and the three guys glanced at him with question marks behind their eyes. “What? Haven’t any of you pissed her off yet? Just me?”

“I don’t talk to her much,” Sunghoon said plainly. 

“Do I look like I could piss Y/N off?” Jake questioned with a raised brow. 

“She just ignores me unless I literally beg for a restraining order. I wish she would at least get angry at me.” Heeseung scoffed, running a hand through his hair. 

“I’m actually surprised you don’t have one yet,” Sunghoon thought aloud, and Jake laughed, fist-bumping the figure skater. 

Heeseung glared at both, but it was light-hearted. “Whatever.”

Look. You were not supposed to tag along to the ice rink with your father. But it had been a while since you saw Sunghoon ice skate, and you always loved to appreciate him from a distance. He was the unreachable ice prince wherever he went, and that whole image fascinated you.

But his figure skating was beautiful. He would always get lost in his choreography and his movements. Every detail mattered, from head to toe. The smallest movements of his fingers were perfectly controlled, too.

You watched him in silence while your father spoke to his trainer on the side, both of them speaking about the plans for the upcoming national competition.

Sunghoon was already training, going through the same exact training session he must’ve for the past month or more. He barely had any time due to it all, and so you barely saw him outside of school — not that you two spoke anyway. But you liked catching glances of him. Hearing his voice every now and then.

He was your friend before you introduced him to the other guys. You knew that it would create a rift between you, but you also knew that he would be much better off with Jake than you. It was just something about the both of them that made you think they were destined to be friends. 

Now, this was the longest you got to be around Sunghoon. 

He didn’t notice you as you sat on the bleachers, smiling to yourself because you liked to watch him grinning from ear to ear as he did the thing he loved most — figure skating. He was lucky enough that it had the possibility of giving him a career that would secure his life for decades to come. 

Even then, when you two were children, Sunghoon mentioned he also considered getting into acting one day. Which would be amazing. Especially with a face like his, he could be as popular as Song Kang or Cha Eunwoo. 

When the set was over, you started clapping. Initially, you didn’t want to announce your presence to the boy, but you couldn’t help it. He was too good not to show your appreciation of his talent. And then there was that small, proud little smirk on his face when he was done, knowing he did well. 

He startled slightly, glancing toward you. Eyes widening even more, you knew he wondered why you were here, watching him. So you smiled and waved to beckon him over like you two were fourteen again and your father was just settling the Decelis scholarship with Sunghoon’s parents. 

“Y/N?” His full eyebrows arched as he gazed at you, and you grinned. 

“Hello, Hoonie,” you greeted sweetly. “It’s been a while.” You didn’t mean generally seeing him or talking to him. Watching him figure skate — the last time you had done that was a year ago. It was a competition (you went to every single one you could). 

“Yeah.” He nodded, confusion lacing his every movement even as he ran a hand through his hair to push it out of his eyes. “Is there a reason why—”

“I just wanted to see you,” you spoke frankly, shrugging. “Do you remember the last time we were here like this?”

“We were fourteen,” Sunghoon said, chuckling. “But yeah. I do.” How could he forget? It was the day you admitted you didn’t know how to ice skate, so Sunghoon decided to teach you a bit. And once it was all over, you somehow ended up talking about how another thing you’ve never done was kiss a boy.

If Sunghoon hadn’t been a coward, he could’ve kissed you then. But he didn’t. And sometimes he still thought about it and regretted that moment. 

“A lot has changed since then,” you said, reminiscing. Four years could be compared to a whole century when you’re a teenager. 

Sunghoon hummed in agreement. “Are you better at ice skating?” he asked. 

“Much.” You grinned proudly. 

And Sunghoon didn’t need to ask about the kissing. He already knew the answer to that. Sighing internally, he sometimes wished he could go back and be the first boy you ever kissed. But he couldn’t travel in time, so he was stuck here. The two of you at eighteen, barely speaking together. 

“Would you maybe… want to hang out after my practice is done?” he asked cautiously, expecting a rejection to protect himself from being hurt. “If you’re planning to stay here that long, of course.”

You smiled softly, nodding. “I am. I missed watching you figure skate. You’re constantly getting better,” you praised his skill. “We could go to that waffle place my dad used to take us to after your practice.”

“Yeah… that sounds good.” Sunghoon nodded, cursing himself for not being a better friend to you. But he had been scared of what could happen if he did. Maybe he’d have noticed there was something wrong in the years coming up to the moment that changed the trajectory of all their lives. 

Maybe if he noticed and put a stop to it himself, Heeseung and Jay would still dislike you, Jake would still fear talking to you, and Sunghoon would have you all to himself. But a string of completely different decisions led to the moment of you and him right here, right now, trying to build a bridge over the canyon you had created to help him find friends — better friends than you thought you were. 

Now it would be up to you both whether said bridge would be the most unstable, made out of thin ropes and wooden planks, or if you’d opt for one made of stone and cement.

You were with Jake when Sunghoon approached you the next time. The two of you were working on a project for English class, and Sunghoon found it as the perfect opportunity to use his inability to learn English as an excuse to spend time with you.

Which you didn’t mind in the slightest. You loved English, and you were happy to explain anything Sunghoon was struggling with while Jake nodded along with a spark in his eye as he gazed at you. There was a different kind of calmness to you when you could delve into a topic you were knowledgeable about.

“Future perfect tense is not that used, to be honest,” you said, to make Sunghoon feel better. “Nobody casually says sentences like I will have gone home by the time you finish practice.”

“I still want to be better,” Sunghoon sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I just feel so lost whenever I travel abroad for figure skating competitions.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, glancing at Jake to silently ask whether Sunghoon ever shared this information with him. Jake’s shake of his head was small. 

“I can tutor you, Hoon,” you said with a soft smile. Because to you, Sunghoon was still your friend, even if you barely spoke. “I have less extracurriculars than Jake does, so I have the time. I don’t mind it.”

“Are you sure, Y/N?”

“No, of course not. I’m offering because I don’t want to do it,” you said, rolling your eyes playfully. “Just say if you want me to tutor you or not. It’s on you. We can meet almost whenever you have free time.”

Jake nudged Sunghoon’s shoulder with a supportive grin. “C’mon, you need it, bro.”

“Okay. Yeah. Sure. We can do it. I just have a lot of—”

“Training, I know.” You nodded, biting your lip. “But we’ll figure something out, it’s fine. I can just… pick you up after your practices or something.”

Good morning, Decelis!

It seems our ice prince is not so icy after all. He’s been caught laughing with the one and only Y/N as they exited the ice rink yesterday.

Are you all thinking what I’m thinking?

XO, Miss Decelis

“Go on a date with me.”

You startled, looking up at the boy who just approached you in the corridor. You were just trying to get your textbooks, but he closed your locker right in front of your face to get your attention, staring at you pleadingly with his hands hidden in his pockets.

“What?” you asked, tilting your head to the side. “What are you talking about?”

“Go on a date with me,” he repeated slowly, ready to spell it out for you.

You laughed. “Jay–”

“I’m serious, Y/N,” he said, running a hand through his perfectly styled dark hair. Today, it was slightly falling on his forehead, and he had to constantly push the hair out of his eyes. “Go on a date with me. Please.”

“I don’t really have time—”

“Sunghoon will survive if you miss one tutoring session, trust me.” Because of course, Jay already knew your schedule — hopefully from Sunghoon. “Please,” he kept begging, staring at you as if his whole life depended on you saying yes. And a part of you wanted to say yes, that part of you that used to have a crush on him, but you two just made peace and became friends.

“This is ridiculous, Jay,” you scoffed, shaking your head. “You don’t actually like me. What happened last time was just— I don’t know, but you don’t want me, and I’m doing fine with Ja—”

“Don’t say that,” Jay cut you off. “Don’t say his name when I’m trying to ask you out. Besides, you don’t know how I feel, so why do you keep assuming?” He ran a hand through his hair again, clenching his jaw. You watched him in confusion as frustration took over his features because he needed you to believe him.

“You are right. I don’t like you. How I feel about you is something way beyond that, and I hate the fact that I can’t look at you without thinking of that time, and that I keep replaying you saying that you used to like me in my head. So just do this one thing for me, please, because I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.”

Rendered speechless by Jay’s confession, you had a hard time coming up with a proper response. Park Jay had feelings for you?

“I swear to God, Y/N, I am going to drop on my knees and—”

“No, Jay, stop. I will go with you,” you said finally, to stop him from making you feel even worse (read: to stop him from making your heart beat loudly in your ears). You bit the inside of your cheek, your stomach tight with knots. “I will go with you,” you repeated, looking into Jay’s eyes.

“Really?” The hope in his voice made your body feel warm, and you nodded to further affirm your decision. You were going on a date with Park Jay.

“But after Sunghoon’s competition,” you said decidedly, pursing your lips. Jay was right. Sunghoon could miss one tutoring session, but you’d rather if he didn’t. After the competition, he’d have more time, and that way, you could both tutor Sunghoon and then go on a date with Jay.

Ultimately, Sunghoon’s tutoring sessions were just an excuse.

He knew.

You and Sunghoon only met up twice a week, so it was obvious that you used him as an excuse to not go on that date with Jay and postpone it for some time. He didn’t mind it, but he kind of enjoyed being the guy in the middle. Or maybe it was just the fact that you wanted to spend time with him, and not Jay.

He liked watching you as you scrunched your nose and furrowed your brows while staring at a textbook while trying to figure out the best and simplest way to explain something to him. He liked the way a tiny smile graced your lips once you came up with something and looked at Sunghoon with your big eyes. He liked the way you moved closer, leaned into him, and pointed at his notebook to start your explanation.

Maybe he should be listening to you as you tried to show him the ropes of creating sentences in passive voice and using them, but if he was completely honest, it went in through one ear, and out through the other. All he could do was stare at you and your side-profile and be in disbelief over how pretty you were.

He understood what Jake saw in you a bit too well. Sunghoon would want to kiss the earth you walked on, too, if he was in Jake’s position. But you didn’t seem interested in Sunghoon the way he wanted you to. Your smiles were always friendly, your gaze kind, but you did not look at him the way you regarded Jake. Not even the way you looked at Jay.

Sunghoon, to you, was just Sunghoon. The kid your father was sponsoring. And he hated it. Why did you, of all people, have to be immune to him? 

“Are you spacing out again?” you asked softly. Your eyes were glued to Sunghoon’s face and he blankly stared ahead, though at first his attention was purely on you.

Gulping, Sunghoon shook his head. “Sorry. I just… can’t seem to focus today,” he made a half-assed apology, but you smiled and let him be. Your mind already had a proper excuse made up for him anyway. 

“The competition is pretty close, huh? Must be nerve-racking,” you said, placing your hand over his. The squeeze was purely sympathetic, it meant nothing more — at least Sunghoon thought so — and when you didn’t let go, it momentarily short-circuited his brain. “You’ll do great, Hoon. I know you will. And I’ll be there with you the whole time as well.”

Sunghoon stared at you. He wished he could tell you how much he liked you, but he was afraid. He always had been afraid. At first his reasons were rather selfish because he didn’t want to lose your father’s support if things didn’t work out between you, but now… Now he feared your rejection even more than anything else in the world. 

Not even the idea of losing the upcoming competition scared him as much.

“Thanks.” Sunghoon slightly pulled away from you for his own sanity, but you noticed the movement and a small frown graced your lips. Perhaps he even saw a flicker of hurt in your eyes, too.

“Okay, then,” you said, clearing your throat. “I’m sure you want to focus on your training more than English, so we can end today’s session early.”

Sunghoon blinked at you. He had hurt you without realising it, and now he didn’t know how to fix this without babbling out the thoughts that truly went through his head. He could do nothing as you stood up from your seat, packing your bag to leave the library.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Hoon.”

Just like that, you left. 

And Sunghoon hadn’t said a word to stop you.

An exasperated sigh left his lips once you were gone. He leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair.

Why was it so hard for him to speak whenever you were around?

Sunghoon’s competition was happening a week after the new year. Nothing in between mattered much. The tutoring sessions came to a halt with the Christmas break, but Sunghoon and his family were still invited to the huge Christmas party that your parents organised. Obviously, the Lees had to show up, and so did Jake and Jay’s families. Nothing much happened except for Heeseung trying to talk to you while Jeonghyeon actively did everything in his power to keep his cousin away from you.

Then it was the Parks, Jay’s family, who organised a large New Year’s party where you spent the day surrounded by all four guys as they desperately fought for your attention. It was Heeseung who stole your New Year’s kiss as well, but you didn’t bother fighting him since Jeonghyeon, Jay and Jake’s glares were scathing enough.

So now you sat inside the packed stadium filled with figure skating fans and many girls from Decelis Academy as they held huge pickets and flags with Sunghoon’s face plastered on them as if he were an idol, cheering for him. You had to bite back your smile as you watched Sunghoon cringe the moment he stepped on the ice and the girls began squealing. 

You watched him prepare, doing practice laps and some figures as he tested himself on the ice. It took a few minutes for him to finally settle in the centre, eyes fixating on you in his starting position.

He whispered, “Wish me luck,” and winked at you, which could’ve gone unnoticed had you not been captivated by him the whole time. Gulping, you licked your lips and nodded.

You recognised the song that started playing from the many practices you had visited simply because you wanted to. Because you could. A soft melody of a song he chose, called Moonstruck. His figure was impeccable.

The moment he started moving, the whole stadium silenced. There was nothing else but Park Sunghoon and the rink that he danced on, every movement graceful and meticulous from his toes to his fingers. Every detail mattered even if he was merely spreading his arms. His body followed the rhythm, and you understood what your father had seen in him all those years ago when he chose to take the small boy under his wing and help him become better at figure skating.

The applause that followed was deafening. But you couldn’t bring yourself to move as you saw him bow after the song ended. Even as he made his way toward his mother from the ice. Even as he, eventually, approached you and your father to head toward the chairs with the other contestants, waiting for his score.

It was high. Highest of the day so far, but there were still some contestants left, so it couldn’t be definitively said that Sunghoon won.

You chewed on your lip as you watched him, nervosity coursing through your veins. Sunghoon deserved to be first place. Even your father seemed to think so with the huge grin on his lips as he regarded Sunghoon with immense pride. 

And, an hour later, you were indeed running to him to throw your arms around his shoulders for winning gold. Sunghoon was smiling widely. His parents were elated. So was your father. The success meant a huge door had opened for Park Sunghoon, the figure skating prodigy. But you only cared about him.

Jumping into his arms, you tightly wrapped your arms around his neck. “Congratulations, Hoon! You did it! You’re a national champion,” you spoke into his shoulders while the boy held onto your waist, keeping your body in the air. 

“I knew you could do it.” You pulled away from him with a smile, still holding onto his arms. And Sunghoon stared at you, in the intense kind of way that you never saw him do before. “Hoon?” you asked, worrying if he spaces out again.

“It’s because of you.” He slapped away your concern with a lopsided grin, his eyes never leaving yours. “I wanted to do my best for you,” he mumbled softly, and you tilted your head to the side.

“Why would you—”

But Sunghoon cupped both your cheeks by then, planting his lips on yours. A collective gasp went through the crowd within the stadium as they saw you. Not just on the podium, but also on the huge screen as there had been a camera on Sunghoon the whole time.

“I really, really like you, Y/N,” he said after he pulled away, and your eyes widened. Everything was captured on camera. 

You couldn’t exactly say you didn’t like him back, though. It would be a lie to say that Sunghoon didn’t have an ability to make your heart flutter. You liked him a lot. But you also liked Jake… and Jay wanted to take you on a date. And Heeseung — well, you hated how often you tended to think about him, too.

“I—”

“Erm.” You recognised your father’s voice from behind. Turning to face him, your cheeks burned. Sunghoon didn’t just kiss you in front of a whole stadium — he kissed you in front of your father. 

Fuck.

His arms were crossed, and you stepped in front of Sunghoon just in case your father were to berate him. 

A smile spread across his lips instead, though.

“I already considered you a part of the family, Sunghoon, but this is a truly pleasant surprise,” he said, grinning at you and the figure skater. “Although I expect Jay’s and Jake’s parents will be very disappointed to know. They were rooting for their sons.”

You glanced at Sunghoon but he didn’t bat an eye. Instead, he smiled even brighter, his eyes and nose scrunching in the most adorable way possible. 

“So you don’t… disapprove of me dating?” you asked your father, raising a brow.

The man chuckled and shook his head. “Why would I, Y/N? Your mother and I just want you to be happy, and we know that Sunghoon is a good boy. I support it,” he said, patting the top of your head affectionately. 

“You’re serious?”

“Very,” your father agreed. “Now come, your boyfriend has to do some interviews and get some photos before we all leave to celebrate the victory and the amazing news.”

“O-okay,” you stuttered, your eyes latching onto Sunghoon. He smiled and took your hand in his. 

“Well, girlfriend, will you follow me?” he said rather jokingly, but to everyone around you, that seemed to be the new reality.

Park Sunghoon was now proclaimed your official boyfriend. 

Good morning, Decelis!

Surprise, surprise! It’s our princess and the ice prince, after all. A fitting pair, I’d say. I wonder what happened during the winter holidays?

XO, Miss Decelis

“Do you ever take a break?” Jay approached you, glancing between you and his phone. “Do you still need to keep this up?”

You shrugged in response, already aware of what he was talking about. “I like it. There’s just something about messing with other people’s business that’s quite freeing,” you said, grinning.

Jay rolled his eyes. “And yet you keep writing about our business.”

“Is it really that bad if I haven’t said anything negative?” You pursed your lips, tilting your head to the side with your eyes fixed on Jay. “I haven’t badmouthed you in ages.”

The pout your lips formed made Jay glare at you light-heartedly, and you giggled. 

“Good. ‘Cause this would be hella awkward if you did.” Jay pointed at himself and you. Because, yeah, he was taking you out on a date. Despite your ‘relationship’ with Sunghoon. 

The guys were doing whatever they wanted. So were you. And between the five of you, your description of a relationship status was a venn diagram with you in the middle. 

You pushed Jay’s chest with a roll of your eyes. “So, where are you taking me?” you asked, and the boy grinned.

“Somewhere you’ll like,” he said before examining your fit. It was casual, but not too casual to make him assume that you didn’t care. You wore a long-sleeved white dress speckled with blue flowers, and a black winter coat to keep you warm in the freezing weather. 

He, as usual, wore loose black jeans, a black shirt and coat, looking like the heir of a million dollar company — which he was. His cologne was different today, but you liked it regardless. Perhaps Killian? 

When you made your way to his car, he opened the door for you before getting in himself. You grinned at his gentlemanly antics, but he said nothing — as if it was completely normal and expected of everyone. Perhaps to him, it was.

Nothing was said between either of you when Jay drove. Music played softly from the radio, but neither of you dared to break the silence. Between the two of you, it wasn’t necessary to speak. In that way, he was similar to Sunghoon (and occasionally Jake, but Jake usually loved chatting with you about random things).

Jay spoke up only when you were almost at your destination.

“So, a little background information,” he said with a chuckle, the car nearing a parking lot. “You know how my house is eery and lonely whenever it’s just me there?” 

You scoffed. “How could I forget?”

“Well.” Jay glanced at you, a corner of his lips lifting in a soft smile. “My parents agreed to let me get a pet. And I was thinking of getting a cat.”

“What?” You turned to face him, but Jay was already parking in front of an animal shelter, grinning. “You want to adopt a cat?”

“Yep.” Jay nodded. “And I want you to choose which one.”

“Jay…” This was a pet that would be with him for as long as it lived, and you weren’t sure if you making the choice of which cat it should be was a smart decision. The cat should like him first. 

“I trust you. Besides, if it’s a cat that likes you, then I’m most definitely going to like that cat.” He grinned. “Because it’ll have great taste.”

“Jay.” Your cheeks heated up at the comment, shaking your head.

“You know that’s also why I disliked you so much before?” He chuckled, shaking his head as he reminisced of his younger self. “Because you were so stupidly pretty and my parents were obsessed with you and everything about you. It just… annoyed me.” He parked the car, running a hand through his hair as he turned the ignition off. “And now that you’re not pretending and are finally yourself, it makes you even more attractive.”

You giggled. You didn’t know what took over you in that moment, but you giggled, hearing Jay call you attractive. “Stop.” You tried to lightly slap Jay’s shoulder, but he caught your hand, intertwining your fingers.

“I’m serious, Y/N. So yes, I want your help choosing the cat that will live in my home because hopefully it will make you want to come over more often.”

There was that sly smirk you would expect from Park Jay, and you rolled your eyes. “What makes you so sure I even like cats?”

“Everything about you screams cat lover, darling. Don’t play dumb.” Jay stared into your eyes, and you couldn’t look away as his dark gaze pierced through you. “C’mon, let’s go get a cat,” he said with a smile. 

Jay opened the door of the car for you, and then he held open the door inside the animal shelter as well. The smell of animals hit your senses like a truck, but not necessarily in a bad way. You just weren’t used to this many animals in one place. 

Seeing them in their enclosures, you had the urge to adopt every single pet in the shelter, but you couldn’t do that. Instead, you glanced at Jay, who pointed toward the cats. Not many words were exchanged between the two of you as you walked, each of you examining the cats with soft smiles on your faces. 

Though there was one in particular that caught your attention. A black cat continued staring at you as you moved across the shelter, and you couldn’t help but feel a pull toward her. 

A black cat would be such a perfect choice for Jay. You knew it. 

Tapping his shoulder, you grinned and pointed toward the enclosure. “I like that one,” you said, immediately going to her. 

You dared to stretch out your hand for the cat, waiting for a reaction. She stretched her body and walked toward your hand with a low meow before leaning into your hand, begging you to pet her. 

An even bigger smile broke out on your lips. “Hello, little one,” you whispered, scratching her ears. “How long have you been here?” you asked. 

“Three months,” Jay responded from behind you, reading a sign by the enclosure. “Her name is Byeori.”

The cat looked at Jay when she heard her name spoken out loud, and she meowed again, this time to get Jay’s attention to be on her. 

He joined your side to try and befriend the cat himself, and she did not fight him in the slightest. As if sensing what kind of person Jay was, the cat let him pet her, purring. 

“She has good taste,” Jay chuckled, glancing at you. “I think she chose you first.”

You bumped his shoulder with yours, giggling. “So we’re taking her home, right?”

“To my home, yes, I think we are.” Jay nodded. 

Heeseung was desperate. 

He didn’t know why he stood in front of the door to your home all on his own.

You seemed happy with whatever you had with Jay, Jake and Sunghoon. But he wanted to be a part of it. If there was one thing Heeseung hated, it was being left out. He understood how he must’ve made you feel in the past now. 

It was a horrendous feeling. One that clawed on your insides, coating your skin and never quite letting go. You had all of his friends now wrapped around your fingers and he… he also couldn’t stop thinking about you.

When you opened the door, you wore sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Glasses loosely hung on your nose, and your hair was tied in a simple knot to keep your hair out of your eyes. 

This was the version of you he was familiar with. A remainder of the old you that would never disappear. Somehow, Heeseung appreciated it even more than the new you. 

“What?”

“Is anyone—”

“No, my parents are at work, why—”

“Okay.” Heeseung slipped inside past you, closing the door behind himself. Your eyebrow rose as you eyed him. 

“Heeseung, what—”

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

Your mouth practically dropped to the ground the second he fell to his knees with his head hung low, repeating the words: “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Hee—”

“I’m sorry for treating you like the biggest asshole known to man when we were younger.” Heeseung didn’t let you interrupt, looking up at you through those big Bambi eyes of his. “I’m sorry for making you feel unwanted, and for leaving you out of everything I could because I was a stupid kid. I’m really sorry.”

“Heeseung, what are you doing?”

“I want us to start over. To be better.” And he genuinely meant every word. He wasn’t sure why he cared so much all of a sudden, but he wanted you to be in his life as more than just the girl that ignores him whenever you’re in the same room. He had to make sure you would understand how truly deeply sorry he was and how much he wanted to start over. 

You stared at him. Blinking a few times, you weren’t sure how to react at first. This was what you had wanted for a good part of your life. Heeseung wanting to be your friend. You did not expect him to beg for it on his knees, but it did bring you a twisted sense of satisfaction. 

Besides the confusion, a lopsided grin spread across your lips. There was a strange allure to this Heeseung. Desperate just to be near you, and a part of you wanted to take advantage of it. But could you do it? What would that mean for you and Jake? Or Sunghoon? Or even Jay…

“Get up, Heeseung,” you said firmly, crossing your arms. “Get up before I do something really stupid, please.”

Those big eyes that stared at you through long lashes made your expression soften. But Heeseung heeded your command and stood up, towering over you once more. “Y/N—”

“We can start over,” you replied with a nod. “I can forgive you, I think. Over time.”

Sighing in relief, Heeseung nodded. “That’s all I need.”

Good morning, Decelis!

Did we all just collectively hallucinate, or did Y/N truly enter the school with all four of the Decelis heartthrobs by her side?

XO, Miss Decelis

“Jake— ah,” you moaned when he nipped at an especially sensitive spot on your neck. He found the time to come to the library with you before your tutoring session with Sunghoon, and you couldn’t deny him.

His hands were on your hips, pressing you against the wall of the library firmly, keeping you in place as his mouth roamed your skin. Your uniform’s blazer was already on the ground, and Jake let go of your hips just to undo the buttons of your shirt. 

“I missed you,” he murmured, kissing the soft skin of your breasts where they were not covered by a bra. 

He felt your chuckle vibrate through your chest. “Jakey, we haven’t seen each other for two hours,” you said. 

Instead of responding, he hummed, going back up to capture your lips with his. There was a sort of desperation in the way he sucked on your lower lip before you allowed him full access to your mouth. Your hands tangled in his soft locks, and you pressed your body closer to his, to feel the bulge in his crotch on your stomach.

“I just need you,” Jake spoke against your lips, and the heat that spread through your body made you nearly combust. “You mean so much to me, Y/N. You have no idea.”

“And you mean a lot to me, too, Jake.” You pulled away from him for a bit, to look into his eyes. To let him know how serious you were. Jake had always been good to you, no matter your situation. And you cared for him deeply.

A tiny smile tugged at his lips as his eyes explored yours. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but knowing that you started talking to Heeseung made him strangely anxious. He liked to think he wasn’t jealous, but out of all the guys, Heeseung had always been the hardest to compete with. “You will always come back to me, right? No matter what happens?” 

You nodded. “No matter what happens,” you agreed at the moment. But later, when you would think about this, it would scare you. Terrify you, in fact. Because you weren’t ready to think about what it meant. 

Jake kissed you again, letting your hands do the work and unbuckle his belt. His trousers were off within seconds, and his hands roamed down your body to the wet panties underneath your skirt, grinning into the kiss.

It surprised you when Jake suddenly grabbed you by the thighs, lifting you from the ground, your back pressed against the wall as the only support for your body other than Jake. But he lined you up perfectly with his cock, letting you slowly take him in as his arms strained to keep you from falling. 

His groan was music to your ears, the sensation of his length filling you up slowly rendering you silent, though you were used to his rougher ways by now, too.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so perfect,” Jake let you wrap your legs around his hips, his hands moving to your ass to have a proper grip on your body before he started moving.

“Jake, please,” you begged for him to do something now that he was fully inside you. “I need you.”

Jake buried his head into the crook of your neck. “I need you more,” he replied before pulling out and thrusting even deeper inside you as if it was possible. 

You felt him in your stomach, in every bit of your body and in the marrow of your bones. Jake moved leisurely, but each thrust was powerful enough you felt like you would erupt any second. 

“Jake, oh, fuck.” You bit your lip to be quieter, barely remembering that you two were still inside the public library, having sex in the section with prehistoric textbooks that nobody ever used. “It’s— so much.”

“You can take it,” he huffed out, focusing more on pleasuring you than anything else. “You’ve taken more.”

Yes, you have. But you were not inside a library before and didn’t need to be able to walk out of there. Nor did you need to get through a tutoring session afterwards. 

The next powerful thrust made your head spin, pleasure tinged with pain as it seemed that Jake would not stop any time soon. 

Your body went limp in his arms. “Jake. Jake. Jake,” you repeated his name, unable to finish the sentence you wanted to say. 

You cummed around his cock, and he wasn’t far away, capturing your lips again to contain the moans that would otherwise leave his mouth as his semen filled you up. (You started taking birth control after Jake’s birthday.)

“I love you so much, Y/N,” he mumbled in a daze, and part of you wasn’t sure if you heard him correctly. But, to make it worse, he repeated the words: “I love you.”

You weren’t ready to hear that yet. 

When Jake let go of you, you stared at him with your eyebrows furrowed and lips slightly parted. “Jake, you don’t know what you’re saying,” you claimed because people tend to say stupid things after sex, right? He wasn’t thinking clearly.

“That’s just how I feel about you, Y/N.” Jake shook his head, attempting to wrap his arms around you, but you didn’t let him, stepping back. 

The single action made Jake’s movements stutter. His eyes searched yours with hurt written all over them, and you bit your lip. Your heart raced in your chest almost as fast as your thoughts.

“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted to be honest with you,” said Jake in an attempt to salvage the situation, but it was too late. You were panicking. You cared about Jake, but did you love him? You couldn’t say. 

And maybe it was the worst possible thing to do after a person confesses their love to you… but you ran. You fled as fast as you could, completely forgetting that you had a tutoring session afterward, or anything else whatsoever. 

Sim Jake loved you.

But you were a fucking coward. 

You haven’t been to school in days, claiming a mysterious illness that left you bedridden. Sunghoon had tried to ask Jake if he knew anything of your whereabouts as you seemingly didn’t reply to anyone. He tried asking Heeseung and Jay after he grew truly desperate, but to no avail. You weren’t responding to them, and Jake generally refused speaking about you.

Sunghoon didn’t know what happened between the two of you, but it had to be serious if Jake refused to tell him about it. You had been ignoring Sunghoon since the one tutoring session you stood him up on and never texted him back after he asked if you were okay. 

All your friends claimed you were still alive, just not feeling well. Jeonghyeon and Ning were the only direct contacts anybody had to you.

Heeseung tried knocking on your door, but you never responded yourself. Usually, it was your parents, and they always had an apologetic kind of look that said you refused to see him. But, to be fair, apparently, Jeonghyeon hadn’t seen you in person in days either. 

Despite knowing all this, Sunghoon wanted to try his luck. He knew that skipping school as a scholarship kid was the worst thing he could possibly do, but he needed to make sure you were okay. Everyone thought you were his girlfriend, and him knowing nothing of how you were doing drove him nuts. 

The staff at the hotel let him pass easily, already familiar with him as both your father’s ward and Heeseung’s best friend. Sunghoon greeted them all with a polite bow and smile, rushing toward the elevators so they wouldn’t question why he wasn’t at school. 

Getting to your floor came to Sunghoon automatically as he had been there countless times as a child, still remembering his excitement whenever his parents agreed to let him play with you while they were talking to your father. Those were probably his happiest moments as a child figure skater. Even if it was just the two of you playing hide and seek around the house. 

He didn’t expect much when he rang the bell. Why, of all the people that came to visit you, would you open the door for him?

You did, though. In an oversized T-shirt and shorts, thick glasses hanging on the tip of your nose. The look on your face told him you were contemplating slamming the door in his face, so Sunghoon strategically put his foot on the doorstep, knowing you would never try to hurt him, especially to just close a door. 

“Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” you echoed. “Why aren’t you at school, Hoon?”

“I had to make sure you’re okay.” Sunghoon ran a hand through his hair, gazing at you. There was a sadness that laced your voice, and he noticed your eyes were red from crying. But judging by the movie playing in the background, Twentieth Century Girl, he guessed that was why.

You pressed your lips together and smiled. “I’m fine,” you sighed. “I’m just not ready.”

“Ready for what?”

You frowned. “Do you want to come inside?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Sunghoon nodded, slipping inside the hallway with your approval. Wordlessly, you led Sunghoon to the living room space, where the movie played on a large screen. 

You had a whole set up of pillows and blankets on the sofa, so you sat down on the ground in front of it, patting the spot next to you.

When Sunghoon sat down, silence engulfed the both of you. You didn’t say anything and neither did he. You just watched the movie together as your head dropped to his shoulder, more tears making their way to your eyes despite the scenes being seemingly happy.

When you spoke up, Sunghoon didn’t know how to react at first. “You don’t really like me, right?” you said.

Sunghoon turned to face you, baffled by the question. “What do you mean?” He tilted his head to the side, in disbelief over the question. “Of course, I like you. I always have.”

“But not… not like that.” You pointed at the movie as if it was hard for you to explain in words.

“Yes, like that,” Sunghoon said firmly, shaking his head. He dared taking your hand in his and intertwining your fingers. “Since we were kids, Y/N. I was just… scared. Still am. What I did after I won the competition… I just wanted to be brave for once.”

You looked down at your legs, hugging your knees to your chest. “But—”

“I’m sorry for not showing you earlier. But it’s always been you. Even for Jake, I think.” Sunghoon shook his head and chuckled. “It’s actually what we initially bonded over, you know? Just… you.”

“Please, don’t.” You averted your gaze. 

Sunghoon squeezed your hand, placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “It’s such a weird thing for me to say but… we all like you. In our own ways, Y/N. Jake, me, Heeseung, Jay. In the end, it’s on you if you want any of us or all of us, really, but we’ll be here for you. No matter what happens.”

The phrase, no matter what happens, was what made you truly cry. Sunghoon had no clue what he did, but regardless, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, letting you cry your heart out onto his shirt. He held you tightly, not letting go. He never wanted to let you go.

You had to go to school eventually.

With Jeonghyeon, Ning and Hanbin right by your side, you did everything you could to catch up on classes you’d missed, avoiding Jake as much as you could. 

You missed him, but you weren’t quite sure how to deal with the knowledge of his feelings toward you. Could you accept it? Could there be something more? How did anyone even know if they were in love?

Attraction was one thing, but love…

Still, Jake was everywhere you went. Not just him, though. Sunghoon, Heeseung and Jay were with him, too. And it was difficult to ignore the stares all four boys gave you whenever you were in the same room.

“I think I fucked up,” you said to your friends during lunch, shaking your head. Realistically, you knew you fucked up. There was no other way of calling it. Because you slept with Jake, Jay, almost with Heeseung, and Sunghoon liked you. 

It’s not a situation the younger you would ever imagine yourself in, but your resolution not to care about much has clearly gone awry. Maybe you should’ve cared. 

“Yeah. I think telling Heeseung you could forgive him was a mistake, too,” Jeonghyeon replied automatically.

“Not what she meant,” said Ning knowingly, glancing toward the table with the four Decelis heartthrobs. “They all look like kicked puppies. It’s kinda sad.”

“Well, wouldn’t you be if you and all of your best friends liked the same girl?” Hanbin asked with a raised brow. “And she’s not doing anything much about it either.” He gave you a pointed look.

You sighed, playing with the ends of your hair. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Do you remember Bin from last year?” Ning asked, her eyes widening slightly when she remembered that you were not at Decelis during the time. 

You did remember, however. As Miss Decelis, you remembered everything. You attacked the guys quite a bit during the time since all you had was anger — not even toward them. But from what you understood, it was Bin who broke off everything as she didn’t like the way the other Decelis students treated her. 

“I read Miss Decelis,” you claimed falsely, a tense smile plastered on your lips. 

“Right. Who didn’t.” Ning nodded, pursing her lips. “But this is kinda what they do, no? They get obsessed with one girl and then she’s the one who suffers. I think you should just… try to get out of that while you can.”

“But… they’re my friends,” you said quietly, incapable of letting it go. The younger you had always wanted to be able to say that. To call the four of them your friends. And now that it was true, how could you just throw it away?

“That you fucked.”

“Please, don’t say that,” Hanbin said, face contorted in disgust. “We don’t need to acknowledge it so openly.”

“I actually didn’t—”

“Yeah, yeah. Only Jake and Jay, actually, but it doesn’t change much. Remember that half the country thinks you’re dating Sunghoon and that the whole school has seen you with Heeseung?”

“Why do we have to talk about this again?” Jeonghyeon’s brow rose, his nose scrunched. 

“Because I don’t know what to do,” you said. 

“And we’re supposed to help you how?”

“By shutting up.” Ning glared at Jeonghyeon. “Y/N, babe, you’re thinking too much,” she said, grabbing your hands in hers. “Just do what feels right in your heart.”

You blinked at her, face blank. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m trying to be romantic here. You’re ruining it.”

“Well, that’s your first mistake.” Hanbin shook his head. “Trying to get Y/N to be a romantic.”

“Fine.” Ning rolled her eyes. “Who do you like spending time with the most? Like, who makes you feel giddy and excited to be with them, you know?”

Jake. That was the first answer that came to your mind. He always knew how to make you laugh. He made you feel special, and his teamwork was incomparable. But the more you thought about it, you realised you also loved to have Sunghoon by your side. He understood you so well. And Jay made you feel safe in a way you had never experienced before. He was always making sure that you would never get hurt, even if it was the smallest thing known to man, like stubbing your toe. Heeseung managed to make everything feel more exciting. He could make your heart race like no other. 

“They all do,” you said, “in their own ways.”

Ning was speechless. Following your gaze toward the four boys that were conversing with one another, she let out a huff. “Then I can’t help you, girl. You need to talk to them yourself.”

“They’re all losers anyway.” Jeonghyeon rolled his eyes. 

Hanbin chuckled, nudging the boy with his shoulder. “And you’re better how?”

“Well, first of all—” and Jeonghyeon continued to name all the reasons he considered himself better than his slightly older cousin because in reality, he cared for Heeseung as a brother. Sometimes, he just really could not stand him and how idiotic he could be. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” Sunghoon asked for the millionth time today as the two of you sat in your bedroom with English textbooks spread over your floor. For reasons, you were still avoiding staying in the library for too long.

“Yes, Hoon, it’s okay. My parents aren’t gonna be home until later, so nobody cares. Calm down,” you replied for the third time (without exaggeration) within the span of fifteen minutes. “Unless you’re planning something other than studying, it’s totally fine.”

Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not—” he bit his lip, flustered by the remark. “Just because I said I like you— that’s not what— Y/N…”

“I’m joking, Sunghoon,” you said, a lopsided grin decorating your lips. “You can only get a kiss if you can get this exercise correctly.”

“Huh?” Sunghoon blinked swiftly and several times, gaping at you. 

Teasing him was your new favourite activity. He was a confident fraud at school, you concluded, because the boy you knew was nothing like the Park Sunghoon from Decelis Academy that made it onto Miss Decelis many times before.

You started coming to peace with the fact that you truly liked each of the boys for different reasons. But you were most drawn toward Sunghoon and Jake. The two boys were the same in so many ways that they made you feel similar but different. And being with Sunghoon made missing Jake somewhat easier. 

“Here.” You pointed at the empty worksheet in front of him. “If you can correctly fill it, you get one kiss.”

“Are you serious?”

You nodded. And, as proof, you leaned in to give Sunghoon the lightest peck on his lips. “Very serious.”

“I’m a genius,” he said, in English, grabbing the worksheet with newfound fervour that made you laugh.

Sunghoon grinned at you, a genuine toothy smile that was rare from him, and then he put all his focus on the work you gave him. His brows furrowed, and he bit his bottom lip in thought. 

It took him ten minutes to fill every sentence, but he kept looking at you to gauge whether you approved of his answer or not. You could not bring yourself to scold him and make the judgement for himself. Especially because he did fill everything correctly.

Sunghoon chewed on his lip, glancing at you expectantly while pushing the finished worksheet toward you. The grin that made its way onto your face couldn’t be contained, merely because you were proud of his progress. 

“You really are a genius,” you said. 

“So… my kiss?” Sunghoon spoke eagerly, and you giggled. 

Beckoning him closer with your index finger, you watched as Sunghoon scooted closer to you on the floor. He used his legs and arms to push all of the textbooks and papers you had spread out before out of the way. Biting his lower lip, he stared at you.

“Are you sure?” he questioned uncertainly. 

You nodded. 

”Can I kiss you?” he asked again because he wanted a verbal answer. “Use your words, Y/N.”

“Yes,” you whispered. “Yes, you can kiss me, Hoon.”

Smiling, Sunghoon cupped your cheek with one hand before leaning in and hungrily capturing your lips with his. It was a different kiss to the one you shared after he won the figure skating competition. This kiss felt real. Something both of you were doing consensually.

“I want you to be able to always talk to me,” he said in between small pecks, his lips moving to your neck. He bit at the tender skin, smirking when you whimpered. “Don’t ever hide from us, again, okay? No matter what happens, Y/N. We want to be here for you.”

“I—” you paused when you felt Sunghoon’s soft lips against your shoulder. “What if I can’t…” you began, grabbing Sunghoon’s cheeks to make him look into your eyes again. Both your pupils were blown wide as you stared at each other. “Jake—”

“Will still love you whether you choose just him or all of us,” Sunghoon finished for you, finally aware of what had transpired between you. “We’re just the pathetic bunch of guys who lost their minds over one girl. You’re the one who calls the shots.” He grinned, kissing you again, though with much more passion to show you just how much he meant his words.

Placing his hands on your hips, Sunghoon waited for your reaction. He waited for what you would do. And it pleased him when you moved even closer, your hands raking through his locks.

It was you who began unbuttoning his shirt, and it was you who let him pull your t-shirt over your head. He groaned when he saw you were not wearing a bra, your nipples hard in the cold air. He could not resist the temptation to palm your boobs, listening to the small breathy sounds that left your lips as if you were simply an instrument he was playing. 

Sunghoon’s lips were stuck to yours, shifting only enough to allow you to sit on his lap, your bare stomach pressing against his clothed but very hard dick. There were thoughts he had that he could not share with you nor his friends, but Sunghoon was convinced it should’ve been him to take your virginity. It could’ve been him who took your first kiss, too, but he was an idiot. 

He had regrets to make up for, and you sat right in his lap, ready for whatever was to come. 

When he pulled away from you for a bit, it was to show you how sex-crazed his expression was. “On the bed, now,” he commanded, not giving you much space to object. 

You thought he wanted you to lie down on your back, but the opposite surprised you. Sunghoon was the one to do so, his head hitting your pillows. “I want you to ride my face,” he said, and you blinked at him several times, processing his words.

“What—”

“Have you not— oh, you haven’t.” Sunghoon came to the conclusion himself, watching the lost expression on your face. He chuckled and licked his lips. “Take the rest of your clothes off, Y/N.” A command. Again. 

You obeyed instantly. 

Sunghoon bit his tongue, hissing at the sight of you. “Beautiful,” he murmured to himself before pulling you to him. ”Just kneel above my face, Y/N.”

“But isn’t that dange—” You felt so embarrassed over the fact you were still so inexperienced despite the time you had spent with Jake. 

“You can’t hurt me,” Sunghoon said, determined to be right. At least he could have one of your firsts. Even if it was riding his face. “Trust yourself, and trust me.” 

“Okay.” You chewed on your lower lip. 

Your movements were slow, but Sunghoon’s hands were on your legs, holding them apart and positioning you above his face with a satisfied grin. 

“Now sit. Let me taste you.” There was an edge to his voice that made it hard to question him. You did as you were told, a gasp instantly leaving your lips when you felt his tongue lap at your pussy, his nose hitting your clit. 

Sunghoon groaned, mesmerised by the sweet taste of you. He knew you were a fast learner the moment you started grinding your hips on his face. His tongue did wonders, filling you more than you would’ve thought possible, and whenever you had the urge to press your thighs together, Sunghoons arms were right there, keeping them apart. 

His rhythm matched yours, and he enjoyed every moan that left your lips. “Hoon, fuck, yes, that feels good,” you murmured through the haze of pleasure, doing your best to keep it together. 

“I’m— close,” you breathed out, the knot inside your stomach slowly untangling. Sunghoon’s movements became more erratic then, wanting to make you cum on his face. 

“Sunghoon!” you exclaimed when you finally came undone, still riding off your high on the figure skater’s face, feeling his proud smile. “I need you in… inside,” you said, certain that you sounded pathetic, but Sunghoon hardly thought so.

He didn’t waste any time, flipping you to your back, his strength slightly surprising you. His trousers were gone within seconds,  andthe sight of his pink tip covered in pre-cum made you salivate, but that was perhaps for another time. 

You held your breath as Sunghoon hovered over you, teasing your entrance with his cock. Shooting him an annoyed look, he chuckled at your reaction before thrusting into you in one powerful movement. It made you lightheaded. 

“So… tight,” Sunghoon groaned, and you wanted to say he could’ve at least eased his way in, but you kept your mouth shut. “Is this okay?” he asked anyway.

“Yeah,” you replied, shimmying your hips to spur him on. The way he filled you felt amazing, but you needed him to move. “Sunghoon, please.”

Smirking, he leaned toward you, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. It was a stark contrast to his next action as he completely pulled out and then slammed his cock inside of you again. The squelching sound of your pussy was almost unreal. 

“You’re so wet for me,” Sunghoon hummed, hands moving to your hips to hold your body at an angle that allowed him much better access. “So tight.”

He did not go easy on you, setting a rough, fast pace that made your insides turn to mush. But the pleasure was immeasurable. You could barely register the tight grip he had on your hips; it was most definitely going to bruise. 

Your room was filled with the cacophony of your whimpers, Sunghoon’s groans and skin slapping against skin until your brain could barely register anything but the tsunami building inside of you, threatening to spill over any second. 

“Sunghoon— oh,” you moaned pathetically, clutching your sheets desperately. “I’m— fuck— so close.”

His pace only turned more rabid and messy when you said it, chasing his own climax with you. 

“Sunghoon!” you screamed when the pressure was finally too much. Your body trembled with ecstasy while Sunghoon didn’t let up even as you went limp in his arms.

He leaned down to press his lips to one of your boobs, biting down on your nipple, smiling at the exhausted breath that left your mouth. Your walls squeezed Sunghoon’s dick so deliciously it was not surprising when he came not long after, pulling out swiftly, his cum splattering messily over your chest and stomach.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he mumbled, momentarily letting himself collapse on the bed next to you. Not entirely to relax, since he immediately chased the touch of your lips on his, and you couldn’t deny him. “Let me clean you up,” he said against your lips. 

You expected him to go to your bathroom and bring back a wet towel, but instead, when he got off the bed, he hauled you into his arms. You yelped, once again blown away by Sunghoon’s sheer strength. 

He carried you to the bathroom with ease, laying you down in the large bathtub that only a five-star hotel like the one from the Lees could have inside a penthouse. 

“I’m still not used to this,” Sunghoon said, glancing around the bathroom that was larger than his bedroom. But it didn’t stop him from doing what he intended. 

What you thought would be quick aftercare turned into Sunghoon starting a full bath for you, cleaning your whole body and massaging your limbs until you practically fell asleep inside the bathtub.

He only got rid of the sweat from his own body, focusing mainly on you. He wanted to show you that at the end of the day, his world was truly revolving around you. 

He may have denied it in the past simply because he was scared of what it would mean for him, but some things were worth being courageous for. Caring for you was one of those things.

When the two of you were children, you cared for him, and now it was his turn to return the favour. He needed to protect you from all the bad and be with you through all the good. And he didn’t even care if, in the end, you’d choose someone else. 

It was Sunghoon who convinced you to talk to Jake.

“I’m so sorry for running away,” you apologised softly, afraid of making eye contact with Jake.

“No, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t.” You shook your head, glancing at Jake, your eyes firm. “Do not apologise for being honest about your feelings,” you said, brushing your hair out with your fingers.

Jake chewed on his bottom lip as he eyed you.

“I just— I don’t know… I feel awful. And guilty. Have I been leading you on this whole time? I don’t even know what it means to love someone and you—”

“No, Y/N, you haven’t,” Jake reassured you, reaching out for your hands. He held onto you tightly, forcing you to look into his deep brown eyes. “You’ve been very clear about not wanting a relationship. It’s my fault for—”

“No.” You shook your head again, yanking your hands out of Jake’s grip only to cup his cheeks. “Don’t say it’s your fault for having feelings, Jake. I— I know I care about you, too. I care about you a lot. You make me happy, and I want to be around you almost all the time. And I don’t know if that’s love, but if that’s how you feel about me, too, then that is not a fault.”

Jake pressed his lips together, a downturned smile gracing his features — it almost resembled a pout. “You also make Sunghoon really happy, did you notice?” he asked quietly. “He smiles a lot more around you.”

“I also care about Sunghoon a lot, but—”

“You should choose him,” Jake said at once, and you gaped at him in surprise. 

“Jake… don’t say that.” You closed your eyes momentarily. “I can’t just choose. Not between you. You guys are friends.”

“Then don’t choose,” Jake sighed. “Just be with us. We’ll give you anything, Y/N. Just… please, don’t leave.” His eyes were these big, brown, sad pools that were sucking you in, and the only thought left in your brain was to kiss his pouty lips. 

“I won’t leave,” you said, your smile rueful. “Not again.”

“You promise?” Jake grabbed your hands again, trying to get you to pinky promise, but you shook your head. 

“I don’t think I’m fit to promise anything,” you said. “But I will do my best.”

“Then that’s all I need.” Jake squeezed your hands in support before leaning in for the kiss that you were not able to stop thinking about. “I’ve wanted to do this for the past week,” he mumbled, giggling against your lips. 

“It doesn’t matter if you love me back or not, Y/N. I can love you enough for the both of us,” he said, a determined look on his face. 

It was in that moment when you realised that maybe, after everything, you were in love with Sim Jake. Although it didn’t feel like fireworks or the way many people described it in books or movies, the certainty that there was someone who would always be in your corner, someone who made you feel safe to be yourself and who would never judge you was just as strong. 

Jake wasn’t just a friend you cared about. He was a friend who would support you no matter what, and so much more. And you wondered if this was the feeling people got when they found the person they would forever consider their soulmate. 

“Jake?” you whispered softly. 

“Mhm?” he hummed. 

“I think I love you, too.” The bright smile that graced your lips made Jake’s heart race. “But I don’t know how we should— I feel like everything is a mess. What about Hoon? And Jay? And—”

“I won’t make you choose, Y/N. If you don’t want to let them go, then don’t. We’re fine with it, I promise. As long as you don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Because I don’t think I can let you go after this.” Jake ran a hand through his hair, letting out a nervous chuckle.

“Then don’t.” You smiled. 

Good morning, Decelis!

Who’s ready to party? I heard that the Chois are planning to start off the Lunar New Year with a bang.

XO, Miss Decelis

When Yeonjun claimed to have a special guest performance at his party, the last thing people had expected was for Bang Chan (a Decelis alumni), Seo Changbin and Han Jisung to appear on stage as a group called 3Racha. Their songs were actually amazing, but this was kind of their debut among the Decelis Academy students as nobody knew that they were a part of the underground scene for the past two years aside from Yeonjun, apparently.

You were getting a drink for yourself when he approached you with a grin. “You seem busy tonight,” he said, pointing toward a corner where four boys stood, all waiting for you to join them once again.

“Do I?” You raised your brow at him, and he let out a light-hearted chuckle.

“I’m glad you’re having fun, darling,” Yeonjun said, ruffling your hair teasingly. “Just no funny business in my house, okay? At least not without me.”

You rolled your eyes at the last remark. “You wish.”

“I really do.” Yeonjun shot you a wink, donning a lopsided grin. He avoided the slap you aimed at his shoulder, and disappeared into the crowd with a salute. “See you around, Y/N.”

“I don’t like the way he looks at you.” You recognised Sunghoon’s voice, surprised by it at such close vicinity. He had been standing in the corner with Jay, Jake and Heeseung not so long ago, but now he was right next to you. “Was he flirting again? Should I tell him to fuck off?”

“Hoon.” You looked at the figure skater, amused by the way his whole face was contorted by jealousy. His lips formed a slight pout and his brows were furrowed as he glared into the crowd where Yeonjun left. “He’s just teasing me. It’s fine. Yeonjun’s my friend.”

“But you said he was your first kiss,” Sunghoon pointed out because he had been curious a while ago and actually asked. “And Miss Decelis—”

“That was months ago. It doesn’t matter.” You shook your head. Back then, you just wanted to lose your virginity, and it did not matter to whom that would be. You got lucky when it ended up being Jake. “Yeonjun and I are just friends.”

“I know, I trust you.” Sunghoon looked at you, an adoring glint in his brown eyes. “I just don’t trust him. To be fair, I don’t even trust myself,” he sighed.

You chuckled, letting your head fall on his shoulder. “We’ll be fine, Hoon. All of us.” Glancing toward the other boys, you saw them talking to each other, laughing about something Heeseung said. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Can you tell the guys, so they don’t have to worry about me?”

Sunghoon gave you a tight-lipped smile, showing his dimples, and nodded.

“Thank you.” Kissing his cheek, you parted ways with him again, heading upstairs to find an empty bathroom.

But you never made it to one, someone yanking you inside an empty room by the wrist. You were going to blow up at the person for the gall they have to do this, but when your eyes fell on a familiar figure you thought you’d never see again, you froze.

Your brain entirely malfunctioned at the sight of Yoo Namsoon, one of the girls who made your high school experience hell. She was not the one who pushed you into the pool last year, but she did watch, doing nothing to stop it. 

“How cute,” she said mockingly, eyeing you from head to toe. Your outfit did not fit the version of you that she knew from last year. “You think now that Heeseung and Jay finally don’t hate you, you’re something more?”

You wanted to protest. To disagree because that was not it, but your mouth could not generate any words as you stared at the girl. Her arms were crossed and her glare deadly. All you could do was chew on the inside of your cheek, your fists clenched to the point you felt your nails digging into the skin of your palms. 

“Ah, that’s not why, is it?” Namsoon’s lips formed a self-satisfied smirk as she eyed you. “I know exactly what you are.” She let out a taunting laugh, stepping toward you. She knew you had nowhere to go. The door was behind her, and she would not let you run.

You know nothing about me, you wanted to retort, but the sounds were still not coming out of your mouth. You looked like a fish on dry land, opening and closing your mouth in a pathetic attempt to face one of the many ghosts of your past.

“Still the poor little Y/N, I see,” Namsoon said, enjoying the look of terror on your face. “Or… should I call you Miss Decelis, now that I figured it out?” She feigned a pout. “I wonder if the guys know. They might not appreciate the fact that this whole time, it’s been you, trying to make them look bad.”

You couldn’t breathe. The whole room was spinning despite how hard you tried to focus on Namsoon and how much you wanted to scream at her. All you could do was just stand in place, helpless and weak against one of the girls that nearly ruined your life.

“What?” Namsoon tilted her head to the side, giving you a pitying look. “Can you not speak for yourself?”

“I—”

The door burst open, stopping you from saying anything.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Heeseung had yet to speak to you alone since you reconciled with Jake. These days, you are always with someone. Whether it be the other guys or Jeonghyeon, Ningning and Hanbin. It was obvious you were closest with Jake and Sunghoon, but you quite liked spending time with Jay, too. It was your relationship with Heeseung that was still strained because of the past that haunted it — which was also entirely his fault.

But he really wanted to talk to you. He was just still building up the courage to do so. Which was strange since Lee Heeseung wasn’t usually the anxious type of guy who needed to properly think of what he would like to say to not sound like an absolute asshole.

“Heeseung!” Jeonghyeon’s voice took him out of his stupor. His cousin stared at him with panicked eyes, grabbing at his arm while frantically looking around. Jeonghyeon’s face dropped when he spotted only Jake, Jay and Sunghoon with Heeseung.

“Jeonghyeon, what’s—”

“Where’s Y/N?” he asked instantly, still looking around as if you would sense his panic and suddenly appear out of thin air.

“Sunghoon said she went to the bathroom, why—”

“We need to find her. Now.” Jeonghyeon pulled at Heeseung’s arm, which now fully had the attention of the other three guys, each staring at Jeonghyeon with raised eyebrows.

“What’s going on?” Jay asked, tilting his head to the side.

Jeonghyeon gave Jay a helpless look. “I heard someone say they saw Yoo Namsoon here,” he said, knowing that Jay was the only one who would truly understand his words. “We have to find Y/N.”

Yoo Namsoon was a familiar name to Heeseung. He remembered the girl from last year. They’d hooked up at a party once, and what he mostly took out of the whole encounter was her endless questions about you. He never quite figured out why she wanted to know so much about your childhood, though.

“Fuck,” Jay cursed under his breath, running a hand through his hair. “I thought she was out of the country?”

“No, that’s just Min Jiseo, since she was the one—”

“Wait, are you guys talking about the girls who got expelled for bullying?” Jake’s brows furrowed as he finally caught up to the several random names that were being dropped in the conversation. Then his eyes furrowed when he remembered the main reason why he’d known the name. “Min Jiseo… she was the one who pushed Y/N into the pool,” he said, his smile dropping.

“Yoo Namsoon was one of her best friends,” said Jeonghyeon, affirming the statement with a nod. “And right now, she’s somewhere at this party, and I can’t find Y/N.”

“Fuck,” Jay repeated again. “Let’s… let’s just all look around. One of us has got to be able to find her, right?”

“I’ll go upstairs,” Heeseung said instantly, knowing the house the best since he’d been to the house more than the few times the Chois organised parties. Choi Beomgyu was his friend, after all.

“We’ll look around,” Sunghoon agreed.

Heeseung ran toward the stairs, colliding with Beomgyu. “Hey, dude. Chill. What’s up?” The shorter guy’s laid back attitude only seemed to irk Heeseung more, but he stopped to respond regardless.

“Have you seen Y/N?”

“Oh, yeah. I think I saw someone pull her in one of the empty rooms. Was a bit weird, but I didn’t wanna pry.”

Heeseung blinked at Beomgyu several times. “You didn’t wanna—” Sighing, he shook his head. “Okay, thanks.”  He wanted to think Namsoon hadn’t got to you yet, but he had a bad feeling about this.

Heeseung opened the door to every room he could until he found the right one.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked, faced with Namsoon’s back.

You stood in the middle of the room, rooted in your spot. Eyes glossy with unshed tears, Heeseung’s immediate response was to push past Namsoon and wrap his arms around you. He ignored Namsoon’s scornful gaze and the scoff she let out.

“Should I tell him, or will you, Y/N?” she asked tauntingly.

“Heeseung,” you murmured against his chest, but he shook his head, glaring at Namsoon.

“Well, isn’t this just so cute.” The girl rolled her eyes. “But she hasn’t told you that she’s the one who’s been shit-talking you for years to the whole school, has she?” Namsoon tilted her head, smirking. “Little Y/N trying to pretend to be something more as Miss Decelis.”

Heeseung licked his lips but didn’t react. He didn’t want to give Namsoon the satisfaction. It was certainly a conversation for later, but not now. “Who the fuck cares?” He feigned nonchalance. “Just get the fuck away from us, Namsoon. Nobody wants you here. You’re just a self-conscious bitch, and it shows. It’s pathetic.”

The offended gasp Namsoon let out made you chuckle against Heeseung’s chest, and he pressed you closer to him, creating a sort of shield between you and the girl who came to the party just to terrorise you.

“Whatever. I’ll just tell everyone else.”

“You won’t be telling anyone anything.” Jay appeared in the door, blocking the path for Namsoon. “Nobody’s gonna believe shit you say because if you haven’t forgotten, you got kicked out of Decelis for bullying.”

“Choose your next actions carefully. Because I have Y/N’s father on speed dial.” Sunghoon showed his phone from behind Jay, peering into the room. Jake was there, too.

That seemed to knock some sense into the girl. You still remembered your father threatening to take legal action against the families of anyone who would dare hurt you in any way. You hated that other people were fighting your battles, but your whole body felt numb the moment you saw Yoo Namsoon.

Her derisive laugh made you look at her. “Did you sleep with all of them? God, Y/N, out of all the things I’d expect from you, homie-hopping is definitely not one of them.”

“It’s hardly homie-hopping if we’re all fine with it.” Jake rolled his eyes. “Now get the fuck out while we’re being nice.”

Stepping to the side to create enough space for Namsoon, they pointed at the door. She glanced at you one last time, her spite seeping through every pore in her body, before finally leaving. “You’re all insane,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung let go of you, only for his hands to cup your cheeks, examining your entire face. “She didn’t hurt you or anything, right?”

You shook your head. “She didn’t touch me,” you whispered, practically collapsing in Heeseung’s arms from the imagined lack of oxygen in your lungs. “I think she just wanted to prove she still had an effect on me.”

“Y/N.” Heeseung held you tightly.

“I’m sorry,” you said, shaking your head.

“For what?”

“I’m not really sure.” 

“Then don’t be sorry,” he said. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He should’ve known you were Miss Decelis, now that he thought about it. It explained why the blog centred around you most of the time — and not necessarily in a good way. “I’m the one who should be sorry. For a lot of things.” For ignoring you. For not noticing what you were going through. For refusing to see how amazing you were and making you feel like you were less.

“Yeah. If anything, we’re the ones who should be sorry.” Jay chuckled, approaching you and Heeseung.

They didn’t have to be, though. You already forgave them.

“But we’re here for you now, Y/N.” Jake smiled, stealing a kiss from you in front of everyone. “You can always talk to us. As your friends. Or your boyfriends. Whatever you wanna label it.”

Sunghoon cleared his throat. “Technically, I’m the boyfriend,” he said matter-of-factly, raising his hand.

“Piss off.” Heeseung rolled his eyes.

You giggled, watching them pretending to fight over you. Hopefully, none of you will ever have to explain the relationship to any of your parents.

Good morning, Decelis!

It seems the rumours have reached you all. I guess one day, even this blog would have to come to an end. It is only fitting that it happens now, when the very reason I started this blog for has been resolved. If you can call it that.

I doubt most of you will miss me anyway. XO, Y/N.

tags: @moonpri @strxwbloody @starsenha @chaconadine @in-somnias-world @tmtxtf @missychief1404 @mitmit01

[osmanthus-wine-addiction]

04 Grooming

Zhongli x Reader / SFW fluff / Established relationship / The two of you are living together / Grooming (noun): the care of a body and its physical appearance

Every time you watch Zhongli get ready for work, you can't help but admire the effort and care he puts into his appearance. From the layered suit and tie to his polished shoes, he was the very image of a distinguished gentleman. It was impossible to come across your beloved and not be left with an impression. His every detail was intentional, almost to an unbearable degree, so you'd understand how some may see him as pretentious or overly-coiffed. Not everyone could appreciate a well-groomed man of Zhongli's sort. He does quite literally take twice as long as you do to get ready, hence why you have the leisure to admire him.

"You know, when I first met you, I really couldn't stand you." You confessed as you watched him run a comb through his long silken strands.

"Oh, is that so?" He chuckled, gathering his hair in one hand and fastening it with his usual cor lapis hair ornament.

"I thought, how could a man be so perfect? Like every strand of his hair is in the right place. Four layers of clothing, but I can still see that tiny waist. Cufflinks, lapel pin, gem encrusted gloves, rings, earring, all of these accessories, yet none of them look out of place. It's absolutely disgusting."

"I've grown easy on your eyes, I see." He hummed in response.

Zhongli stood in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving away a bit of growth on his chin, following with a thin layer of aftershave. Before he retired his previous vessel and stepped into this mortal body, he had never had to bother with facial hair. Now that he had adjusted to the daily upkeep, he found it rather calming. You came up from behind and wrapped your arms around him, resting your cheek against his back. He applied a bit of cologne to his neck and wrists, the scent tranquil and reserved, just like he was. You inhaled deeply, taking in whiffs of qingxin, silk flowers, and Sandbearer wood.

After soaking him in for a few seconds, you unwrapped your arms to allow Zhongli to finish getting dressed. His suit ensemble was just as complicated as the day you met him. Both you and Zhongli enjoyed taking your time on things, peeling back layers slowly, fastening buttons one at a time, taking long moonlit strolls, and smelling the roses along the way. For you, he was a meticulously wrapped gift and each morning, he spent time and care preparing himself so that he could present his very best to the world. You certainly enjoyed unwrapping that gift as well when night falls. Something about Zhongli being all wrapped up up like a rice dumpling makes him even more enticing to you.

"Here, use mine." You reached up and spread some of the moisturizer you were dabbing onto your own face into Zhongli's cheeks when you saw him repeatedly press the pump nozzle on his bottle to no avail.

Aside from his immaculate attire, the retired archon also prided himself in taking good care of his current human vessel. You often talked about your own skincare, leading to him owning a few staples of his own. His skin was pretty flawless as is, so you didn't feel the need to introduce him to too many kinds of products. His morning routine didn't need to get any longer than it already was!

Once his face was moisturized and protected from the sun, it was time for the last touch. In Liyue, there is a tradition that when painting a dragon, an artist waits until the very end to paint the eyes. That simple stroke brings it to life.

"Can I do it?" You ask eagerly, earning you an appreciative look from your beloved.

"My pleasure, darling."

He handed you the red eyeliner brush, closing his eyes to allow you to apply it for him. You've never asked him why it was a part of his morning routine, but you were sure he would have an interesting story to tell for it, just like his single tassel earring and the pin on his lapel. That was who he was, a man of many stories.

After finishing breakfast, the two of you parted ways at the door, going separate directions for your respective workplaces.

"Wait, you forgot something!" You gave him a playful glare just before he could leave.

"I have?" He always made sure he left the house with everything so his confusion was predictable.

You reached up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, to which he gladly received when he realized you were only joking about him leaving something behind. Of course, if he could he would put you in his pocket and take you with him, but since you had your own work to attend to, he would have to settle for a kiss.

"Take care of yourself, dear. I shall see you tonight." He smiled as he reached out to help you tame a particularly frisky strand of hair on the top of your head.

[trials-of-a-spirit-worker]

Spirit Work Basics

You voted, I listened. I meant it. So buckle up as we go through the basics of Spirit Work.

I've touched on this on other posts but I'll make a massive post here. This is not going to explain everything and will still be pretty broad. Cause I do not have the time, the knowledge, nor patience to try and explain EVERYTHING.

But I do hope it helps.

Look under the tags advice, spirit communication, spirit work for more detail.

So hello, I'm Sol. I've been working with spirits since I realized I was speaking with them. I had the gift since I was a young child, first spirit I saw being my grandfather on my father's side shortly after he passed away. He was a pastor, supposedly, I was doing the best I could to repeat his favorite verses despite me being a small little shit. I don't remember the verses, I do remember speaking to him a lot however.

Which is where we'll begin, how to speak to spirits.

Maybe she's born with it? Maybe it's insanity~♪

Well, how do we begin with speaking with spirits? There's a number of ways, actually. Some do have the natural ability, like myself but that shouldn't discourage people who are newly trying and don't have that natural affinity for it. Spirits can and will talk to anyone if you open yourself up. Just takes a bit of work. But Sol, you may ask, how do I do that?

If you've been on witchblr for a bit you know what I'm about to say next: Yup.

Meditate.

Now listen, meditation is a way to open yourself up to the spirits around you or just at least signal "hey, I'm open to talk to." It gives you a good sense of your own energy and the energy around you. Meditation doesn't have one look either. A lot of people can't just sit still and kept their legs crossed or be on their knees with their eyes closed (I see you ADHD/ADD people). Hell, my lazy ass will meditate lying down.

Literally the definition of Meditation: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness. transitive verb. : to focus one's thoughts on : reflect on or ponder over. (merriam webster)

It's pretty broad, right? Hell, you can even work out and meditate. I do it all the time. Cause I focus on my breathing and the feeling of energy through my body. Basically you can get creative with it.

While you're meditating, make sure you're feeling your own energy. This can come in a number of ways; waves, your heartbeat, a feeling of something cloaking you etc. While you have that feeling down, envision an opening, whether its a door, or just acknowledging you're reaching out to the other side. Whether or not you get an answer back, you are putting yourself out there and that's half the battle done. Just be sure to know how to close yourself and ward your body. Spirit work and opening yourself like that is no joke and I'd like you to be safe.

To do that, just envision whatever you had opened closed or recede back or whatever you used that worked for you.

Signs to Look for

Some of the more common tells of a spirit hearing and trying to communicate are of the following:

Small echos/voices in the back of your head

Random thoughts that may not be your own

Knocks or things shuffling

Strange dreams

Small phantom touches

Feelings of being watched

And Many More!

"But Sol," some of you might say, "that's really fucking vague and could just be explained away."

Yeah...welcome to spirit work. You thought this shit was easy?!

You have to work on your discernment. It is a skill needed for this type of work.

Seems counterproductive, but it's not! See, if every bump and noise was reported as ghosts or spirits, well...we'd be even less believed than we already are. When doing spirit work, or ghost hunting, you are stuck with the burden of proof and it's a huge burden to have. This is why people ask for repeats of actions, to speak again in recorders and other things. We're asking for repetition, because science is prevalent, especially in spiritualism and occultism. We have to be our own skeptics so when we have something that can't be explained away, we truly have something to celebrate.

Tools on the Job

No one said you had to do this all on vibes. No shame in using tools. I'll more than likely take the time to make specific posts about each tool in the future cause this post is already really long but I'll give you a nice rundown of basic tools.

By the way anyone who tries to shame you for using tools or says "only trainee or baby witches use this or that" are tools themselves (not the good or useful kind) and should not be given the time of day. Tools are fine. Use them for help if you need it because that's what the fuck a tool is for.

Now these aren't all the tools you can use but I'll give you some well known ones. I've seen witches get real creative and it's honestly super cool watching them use strange things that you'd never think about as a witchcraft tool. But that's what makes it so fun.

Tarot cards

Tarot is something I often use. 78 cards all with different meanings. There's many many ways to interpret them and multiple themes that many of them have.

My best advice for these are to just look up the overall meanings both upright and reversed just to have a general consensus of each card. Play around with them a lot, and interpret them the way you would as if you were making a story with them. You can also use them for spirit communication.

Calling forth a spirit allowing them to touch the deck (just leave it for a moment and allow them to influence the deck as it were before doing the spread). Holds a lot of power in your hands but is a little slow.

Pendulum

A pendulum is usually a crystal tied to a string or a chain that can be swung over a board of either yes or no or maybe for its options. Sometimes there is a mock ouija for the pendulum to spell out things as well.

Cool thing about a pendulum is it can be anything that swings if you wish. Some people I've seen take off their necklace and use it as a pendulum just fine. Just have a singular point and you can get to work anywhere with it. Please make sure to ward yourself from invading or malevolent spirits when you do this though.

Lots of pendulum or spirit boards exist and have different templates as well.

This is more of a call and response type of device to use. Especially when you feel a spirit present Still has a fair bit of control in your hands.

Ouija board

The infamous kids game works around the same way a pendulum does, except there is a planchette that slides over the board. This is a call and response based tool much like a pendulum. However, it is a little easier for the ghost to manipulate and control. Which is where all the stupid stories of ghosts completely taking over and fucking up shit takes place. Also, half of the biggest problems are just humans being humans which means victims of groupthink. So... stupidity. Someone freaked so you all freak...the energy gets bad and shit happens. Do your best to remain calm and just work through it.

Also no. ZOZO XOX 2O2O etc does not want your ass. Many spirits claim that shit to get a rise out of you anyway. Guys...no, I swear it does not happen. This is main character energy that none of us have...or want! Even if a demonic entity came in to fuck with you, there are plenty of other ways to do it. Be fucking for real.

Please remain kind and courteous to who you contact. Do not let your paranoia about this tool make you do stupid things. Always say goodbye when you are finished. Try and stay as calm as you can.

Never. Ever leave the planchette on the board unattended. Lest you get an unwanted guest or one that'll overstay their welcome.

Crystal Ball

Crystal Balls are a good way to detect energies. This is normally used in a private setting cause it desires a lot of concentration. Now, I'm admittedly not that knowledgeable in this because I don't use my crystal ball often.

Also, your crystal ball doesn't have to be clear. Mine is obsidian and I love her.

When having your question, focus on it and concentrate. Make sure it is open ended. I mean you can have yes or no, but it's gonna be a bitch to decipher a yes or no answer.

Close your eyes and let the answers come to you in the forms of images and colors and such, examine all you can as just let your intuition work.

Sounds simple but its a rather interesting art form to work on. Symbols and such can confuse you and it's heavy on your interpretation. I'm sure there's books and stuff out there for a general view of this symbol you see might mean this or that but...largely, this is a true test of how you read your intuition.

I'd do it more, if I wasn't closeted and lived with nosy closed-minded people.

C'est la vie.

One important thing though...don't leave your ball uncovered. Especially if it's clear. That's how you end up with burned shit. Those bitches are like mega magnifying glasses. And it happens faster than you think. Science is scary.

Mirror/Water Scrying

Mirror and water scrying is kind of the same as a crystal ball except it's a quicker and often less expensive way to work on your divination.

Some people have a specific mirror that they black out and scry that way. Others have a scrying bowl made for divination alone. It's just as good. You can use any bowl or mirror however. Just be sure to cleanse the area before you start and after you're done.

Some thank the water used for divination before putting it down the sink or in the earth. But that's more of an individual's choice/belief/faith than anything else.

Lots of occultism and spiritualism has a thing with mirrors being portals, openings, etc to the otherside and can bring some unwanted visitors.

And as someone who now sleeps with their mirror facing the wall now, I will say I believe a lot of what people say on that.

I want a goodnights sleep damnit.

Just be sure to cleanse your tools after use. Better safe than sorry.

ETC.

There's a lot of creative ways people can use these tools and magic. So don't think of magic as a recipe for how to be a witch or do witchcraft. That's half the fun of witchcraft.

Discovery.

Finding ways to do things, to hear, to see, to communicate. Yes there are certain tools that work better than others but, we as individual people also work in different ways.

There's a psychic out there who reads asparagus like bones. There's someone who will scry with a puddle on the ground they found. People have their own methods and ways to work their magic and we should learn from them. So if you have some non normal tactic or even something unsual, embrace it to the fullest.

I divine with music. If you ask me it's Apollo's influence. My spirits communicate with music.

When I meet people and get a good vibe on them a song comes to mind, and even if I forget your face, your voice, who you are, that song will remind me what I think of you. Songs pop up in my head when people associated with it are close.

I'm not going to say I'm the only one in the world who does this, cause that would be some bs. But its my tactic and its natural.

Do what is natural for you and not what other witches say you should do.

Even me, I beg you not to try and emulate or follow my advice down to a T if it doesn't work for you. Don't force it to work.

I am just one person, one voice spouting some advice. Take what you can from it, take what helps and work your own path. And then in turn do the same. I'm a path offering person not a director. But that's...just...me...

"But Sol, how do I speak to spirits?"

Talk.

Yeah, that simple. Talk.

This can be in a lot of forms. Some write and burn letters to ancestors, or past family members. Set up a placement for talking to them. Admittedly, a lot of spirit work and communication is experimental. We just warn you over some things because they've happened enough for us as a collective to go ah, a pattern.

I have urns at home so it's pretty easy to say hello in that case.

I am NOT telling you to go into a graveyard and just go wussap. No. Some spirits don't want your tomfuckery. Also if they're feeling really chatty all at once you might get overwhelmed and you will not have a good time. Read the dead room.

Open yourself up. WARD YOURSELF FIRST! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS. But yeah open yourself up. Learn how to open your pathways and close them first. That comes with meditating. Yes, this is why damn near all of us nag the shit out of y'all about meditating.

Just talk and listen. It won't happen immediately. It takes time and a careful ear. Remember signs to look for. You might spot them before you hear them. Small instances of shadows out the corner of your eye. A touch from nowhere, a shiver down your spine. Other things going off or being moved, etc. Slowly, someone or something will receive your message and try to respond in kind.

When you get these small responses, just keep calm and say hello or acknowledge what they've done.

"Oh, someone's here"

"Hello there"

"Are you still here?"

It'll be awkward (try to remember where you are, don't be a weirdo in public), but overtime you'll get better at it.

Conclusion!

Like any skill, spirit communication takes practice.

There are a vast plethora of ways to communicate with tools that I haven't mentioned as well, like automatic writing which is a pretty good beginner way to jump in.

Just have a pen/pencil on paper, write what comes to mind. Its a good way to practice hearing and catching signs as well.

And something I will never stop saying is you don't have to take this journey alone! Especially if you don't want to. Find someone experienced to start this journey with. Someone who calms you, who can support you. Support and asking for help is good. Last thing any of us want is for you to get hurt or scared out of doing this if this is something you really want to do. So call us, talk to us. Confide in more experienced people.

So many times on this site and other places, we are begging to form this beautiful network so we can help one another, give advice, hang out etc.

We are right here, just reach out for us. You'll get a hand back in kind.