#but still i cant say it doesnt fit him? like i still would have given him a diff type but

[darabeatha]

/ I wonder what kind of voice they will give him when they release him, since we did get his 'boss' sprite but there were no sounds given to him in comparison to c.amazotz who did/does have voice lines

[wintergrofyuri]

@itsonlypolite

@wrathful-banette

TEEHEE OK

so. i forgot to say. skeptic IS a detective. a pi. a gumshoe. a dick, if you will. but i guess thats sort of implied already. i just wanted to state it clearly.

but anyways.

this whole thing was made bc im so fucking insane about the cage chapter. the themes about being a slave to fate and how our actions are not our own and losing control of yourself and your life. just. ugh. it speaks to me a lot. and ofc skeptic being an old timey detective is so universal. i joke about hating him but i Do like him and find him interesting. i want to put him in situations.

and thats what this whole au is. putting skeptic in situations. hearing new perspectives, having his theories proven wrong, dealing with uncooperative suspects, red herrings. i love when hes wrong or ignored or otherwise slighted. he seems very. sure of himself? not an arrogant fool, but more. a guy who hasnt been wrong before. ykno. and i think ur typical film noir (with slay the princess elements like cycles and fate) is just a really natural fit to explore all that.

but its Also about playing with the whole "perception based creature" thing that the princess has going on. i Love "character nobody really knows" and the princess, with her multiple forms and fluid personality, works Rlly rlly well with this concept. i love the princess and i think she deserves to be a mysterious "haunting the narrative" type character. shes like a spy with multiple disguises. or someone in witness protection.

and also bartender hero lives in my mind like a parasite. oh my god that reminds me i need to talk about the others ok.

hero is the bartender (as stated before) of "the long quiet" bc i think its funny theyre still in tlq even in this silly film noir au.

stubborn is the bouncer/bodyguard/whatever the fuck you call it. he kicks ppl out when they get too rowdy.

cheated is The regular there. he either sits at a table and mopes or gets roped into a card game with opportunist that results in both of them being kicked out (theres always blood drawn).

opportunist is a conman/snake oil salesman whos only still allowed bc hero is too nice and opp is too good at buttering ppl up.

smitten is a tortured artist, lamenting to anyone who will listen about his lost love and muse. he is never paying his damn tab, but again, hero is too nice.

cold is a mysterious figure who only visits the bar like. once a month. he barely talks to anyone and only drinks water. (hes an assassin LOL)

broken is the local priest (the god is shifty btw) who only visits bc hero told him to get out more. he doesnt drink either. he just looks vaguely haunted.

contrarian is a guy whos hard to pin down. you cant find him, you just have to pray he appears ykno. the only people who Know him are hero and cold, but hero refuses to divulge anything abt him and cold is just. Cold. ykno.

paranoid is skeptic's partner (lol) and secretary. he does half the work around the office (maybe more) and lives with skeptic. he complains and protests and threatens to quit, but its all bark. hes very loyal. to his own frustration.

now im going to be honest. hunted is Super difficult to put in this au. given his role as a fight or flight, base animal instinct type, he cant be fit into an au like this very easily. ive considered a hunter, but that doesnt fit him at all. so. im a hack and i should delete my tumblr.

but no seriously hunted is very difficult. ALSO. THE NARRATOR. ive been thinking if i should add him and how prevelant he should be and what he would be like. if he should be in the bar or if skeptic would need to meet him somewhere else. maybe hes the villain ykno. but im. not sure and i dont wanna make the whole thing Too big ykno. i swear its not just bc i dont like him (joke (hes fun to hate (but also i hate him), i genuinely am stuck on what to do with him.

anyways. thats pretty much it. i dont wanna derail this post with. yaoi ramblings. so ill keep it close to my chest. also b4 u ask, im. not going to make this a fic or anything. i dont have the energy for something like this and im not very. good at writing longform anyway. i much prefer tiny drabbles. and anyways, its kinda. rlly unfinished cuz ive been too busy thinking too hard about minor details.

listen to 3 time tony winner, broadway classic, city of angels with music by cy coleman, lyrics by david zippel, and book by larry gelbart. thanks.

I ALMOST FORGOT. theyre still birds 💜. yayyyy 💞

[confusedmothboy]

hate travis haters cause like what did i ever do to you

thats in a joking manner btw i just relate to him on an unhealthy level lemme spew up my thoughts below the cut

so like. we all know hes an asshole the first few episodes. im gonna keep my thoughts and rationalizations on that to myself cause that's not what this post is about, and im not defending him there. BUT. he is such a relatable and accurate depiction of a man stuck in a matriarchial society. my source? *points to myself* i dont feel the need to delve into my home and family life too much on here but im gonna need you guys to know that i know.

okay continuing: travis is never the focus, and he knows that, which is why hes such a fucking asshole for the start of season one. his grief isnt the focus, his father (flaws and all) isnt the focus, and hes never considered that a) he would be stuck out in the wilderness with 15 teenage girls his age or that b) he would not be immediately feared and respected simply because hes a man.

i think he realizes this the second ben gives natalie the gun that he has almost no influence over the group, which he lashes out about. his love for natalie and his willingness to listen to her during season one overrides all of that soon after.

ever since then and through to the end of s2, hes an active side character, but only exists to further nat or lottie's arcs. he comes back a bit when javi is rescued, but as a character, he understands his place in this mini society and fits into it, mainly out of fear, considering what happened to jackie.

jackie also didn't fit into the yellowjackets' dynamic at the beginning, but unlike travis, she refused to adapt to a survivalist mindset. (she was also less of a incendiary dick but whatever whatever)

on doomcoming: i think that that's when travis realizes that not only does he not have control over the group, he doesnt have power over his own autonomy. the girls nearly gang rape and kill him, and he knows that by the morning, he cant do anything about it. considering its the 90s (though this mindset is still SO prevalent) he also probably feels like he should have enjoyed the parts before they held a knife to his throat. the only one who doesnt immediately let it go is jackie (someone who also took advantage of him btw), and she is literally frozen out for it. when they eat her, it serves him as a reminder that he would never have autonomy in the wilderness again, even after death.

just gonna throw the point that his character is very reminiscent of how female characters are usually treated in media out there (reblogged something that went SO much better into it than i can)

anyways, by season 3 hes damn near lobotomized. lottie breaks his mind with shrooms and manipulation and he has like 5 lines the whole season. could this be pinned on the Different style of writing that we were given in s3? yeah, but i think its him understanding thats in the new post fire dynamic, its not enough for him to be on the side, he needs to be PASSIVE. him exerting his strength or emotion is a reminder to the girls that they weren't always like that. he knows that hes one crashout away from being labled a dangerous, naturally aggressive man. him distancing himself from both nat and lottie is his way of undoing all connection from the girls he's grown to fear. plus, hes fucking Tired. hes given up on ever returning to society.

it doesnt matter that his biceps are the size of boulders or that he gets to hold the rifle whenever natalie decides hes allowed to. he is stuck!! my boy is trapped!!! he cant fucking do or say anything no matter how much they do against him - this guy is rightfully scared! despite all his rage hes still just a rat in a cage guys

sorry if all this is fucking incomprehensible but i feel really strongly about him because sometimes it feels like im the only person in this fandom who Gets It and whatever feel free to still hate him this is just yelling into the void

[lesbianralzarek]

mtg standard decks i think the bg3 origins would play

astarion: monored aggro, but tbh i dont think hed even like it. he heard someone say its easy to pilot, and thats all Mr. Not Really The Planning Type needed to hear. bored and barely pays attention when hes playing. outside of the pun, i think orzhov bats would be a perfect fit for him, and make him feel smarter even if hes not the best at it

gale: keeps making combo decks and getting bored with them after a handful of wins prove to him that the concept works. still trying to break 2-mana jace. unwinds with azorius control and gets defensive when people call it winconless, because technically he has manlands and sunfall tokens. wants to think that his opponents are also having fun, but why tf would they be?

wyll: oh he had fun at the bloomburrow prerelease. still hasnt given up on frogs yet because he likes helga for both lore reasons (he loves an underdog! she just has to believe in herself!) and because hes a massive timmy who loves big creatures. totally isnt mad when his opponent efficiently removes 3 of his vaultborn tyrants in one game. why would he be mad? its just a game. he takes a smoke break after the match for completely unrelated reasons

karlach: hasnt played in years, so she had to rebuild her entire collection for standard (mostly plays edh for that reason. her fav is her rin and seri deck with mostly older cards in the 99 that she refuses to acknowledge are bad in 2024). plays the greediest lizard deck youve ever seen because shes also a timmy. i think shed like boomer jund if any of her friends (other than gale) played modern

lae'zel: prowess and she fucking loves it. "gruul is brain dead"? not the way she pilots that shit. she runs her deck like the navy. takes forever psychoanalyzing her opponent and thinking 4 turns ahead. cant play edh because she thinks the social contract is dumb. why doesnt everyone try to win? winning is fun? fight her like you mean it. genuinely a good sport when she loses so long as it was a good fight

shadowheart: looks like somebody misses the 8 rack. 4 cut downs, 4 go for the throats, 4 deep cavern bats, 4 bandits talents, my god she wishes thoughtseize was standard legal but liliana keeps her bloodthirst sated. gets mad when she loses to zoo decks but deep down its 70% jealousy. feels a weird sense of loyalty and duty to stick with monoblack, but shed convert to naya in 3 seconds if she ever tried it

[gomzwrites]

Its 7am atm but my brain won’t shut up about this idea I have

Just thinking about their reactions to reader struggling with clothes - too tight or too loose

Not proofread, apologies for the errors

Tags: xgn!reader, suggestive tones(18+ mdni), I suppose this is also like pervy!cod members in some sense xD, mentioned of injury, possessive, musk kink(?), markings, tattoo

John Price

Everyone was given a new pair of military gears and outfits today, you had placed and wrote down the size you wanted previously

And yet still somehow they messed it up and your pants came in smaller than your regular size

You decided to try it on anyways because you can’t do much

That was a mistake

You pulled the pants, trying and skipping around as it gets caught around your ass, you gave another few more try before ultimately giving up, realizing that you might tore the fabric in the process

And so you push it back down, only to realize it wont budge

Great

You lay down on the floor, hands splayed on the floor as you let out a loud defeated sigh

“You alright there?” Price came by as he heard your voice, halting as he sees you on the floor

“I give up” you say as you craned your neck to look at him and pointed your pants

“Cant fit and cant remove it” you said before frowning and gestured your pants

He laughs slightly before kneeling before you

“Let me help”

He said as he gives those pants a tug, and it doesnt budge

He grumbles slightly as he lower down the zipper slightly, thank god you had a black tight pants on(like those swimmer type idk the type wheeze but just know you’re not in undies)

He tries again but it didnt move, so he held your knees up slightly, “close your legs” he said before shifting slightly

With a harder grip, he yanks the pants and this time it finally moved, but you also moved along side with it due to his strength, slapping his knee-thigh area with your ass

You blush slightly as you propped yourself up with your elbow, but Price didn’t say anything as he gives another tug

He continues doing that and each time your skin would come in contact with him, making a small slap sound every time, you can’t help but felt like you’re in quite a suggestive situation, and the grunts and curses he lets out only made things worse

Bit by bit he managed to pull it out until your knees, where you wiggle the rest of it out without much struggle

There were a few red marks on your thighs by the time the pants was removed, he traced one of it with his thumb and whispered

“Does it hurt?”

It took you a second to register his question before you shake your head, he gives a nod as his fingers lingered for awhile, before clearing his throat as he leaves, you missed the warmth of his fingers

“I’ll get you a new pair” “okay”

You slapped your cheeks after he left to hopefully set your mind straight, get a grip, he’s your captain ffs! you thought to yourself

Little did you know, Price was fighting his own struggles as he watch your thighs jiggle with every tug, and your skin was so soft and the way you stared up at him with those eyes of yours made him go crazy inside

He knows he shouldn’t be having these thoughts, but man oh man

How would it feel like having them littered with bite marks and hickies? How would it feel like if he were to use those squishy thigh to slide his hard-

He prayed you didn’t catch on his thoughts when he stood up, an bulge forming in his pants

Kyle Gaz Garrick

You queued up at a clothing shop, excited to try on one of those compression shirt that you’ve been wanting to get since you seen them online, and it just so happened that this specific black one is on sale

But you know how it is with items that are on sale, they often come in sizes that are either too big or too small

In your case, too small

You tried it on regardless, wedging it through your head with a few grunts

Eventually you got it on, and you looked good, the shirt clearly hugging onto your figure and showing off your features

But you can barely breathe

“Sweetheart ye done?” Your boyfriend Kyle asked as he knocks your door gently

You adjusted yourself better and held your breath as you open the door and grin

His eyes widen as he takes in your form, hands already on you as he praises and smirk back at you

“Holy damn- look at you, my sexy thing~”

He gave you a lil turn until he realized your breath were strained, and you were using your neck muscles more, not to mention each breath you took was shorter and more frequent

He instantly pulled the shirt around your chest a little, then frowning as he stared back at you with nothing but concerns in his eyes

“Hey its too tight isnt it?” He whispered softly as he rest his warm hands on your waist

“Yeah but, I look good though”

“Nuh uh, that doesn’t matter if you can’t breathe baby”

“But its on sale!”

“We can go other outlet to check it”

“Thats so much trouble though”

“Its not I promise, lets get these out okay?”

He gave a kiss on your head as he slowly raised em up, until it was around your chest

“Jesus…” he mutters in a whisper as he takes a look at you through the mirror, the shirt did looked hella good on you, but seeing your skin exposed like this? Mmm that’s a better view

You watched as he slowly kneel down and trace his lips around your hips, you squirmed slightly as you nudge his head

“K-kyle, we cant-“

“Shh”

He shushed before kissing on your skin, nibbling it as he left them everywhere, then giving a hard suck just above your V line all of the sudden as you let out a choked sob

He lets go and lick his lips as he looks up at you with a devilish grin

“I’ll wait outside, yeah?”

He whispered when he stood up and left the changing room, you contemplated if you seriously needed that compression shirt as you look at the mark he left you, god does he knows just how to rile you up

Simon Ghost Riley

You hissed out with a suppressed groan as you lay against the couch with a bandage over your abdomen, without painkillers the dull aching pain was getting to you

You had a stab wound at the very last moment during the mission and Ghost had to settled it hastily with the med kit, bringing you to a safe house nearby

You didnt even realize you had goosebumps all over your arm as you shiver slightly, your shirt was torn in the process and some of it were used as a makeshift tourniquet to cut off the blood supply, now only having a pillow covering your chest

“Here”

You heard a gruff voice behind you as something was tossed over your head, you quickly picked it up and realize it was one of his spare t shirt

You complied and wore it, realizing it was HUGE, the hem of the shirt extended until your thighs and the sleeves were covering until your forearm

You let out a hum of amusement as you whispered back a small “thanks” as you slide back to the couch

It smelled like him, and its warm and rather cozy, and that gave you a some comfort

You closed your eyes as you pulled up the shirt slightly so that the neckline was covering your nose, inhaling it and breathing slowly until eventually you dozed off

It will take a few hours before help can arrive anyways

Ghost had been watching from the side, and seeing how his clothe draped over your form has definitely awaken something in him

He slowly, and quietly kneel down beside you, careful not to stir you awake as he observes and look at you closely

God, he’d never realize how good you looked in something that was his

He wonders how you would look like with nothing but his big t shirt

It felt like he was marking you in some ways, showing off(albeit theres no one else) to everyone that you’re his(even though you’re not……yet)

What really made him clenched his jaw was how you were inhaling his smell, did you liked his scent that much? Mmm if only…

If only he could take you and cover you in his musk, rubbing it off on yours, letting everyone knows just who claimed you

John Soap MacTavish

You were training with him today to improve your hand-to-hand combat skills

One thing about Soap is that he will never go easy on you

So he would flip you, get you into a headlock, knocked you over with every chance he get

“Come on, yer need to faster rookie”

You huff and glare back at him as you take your stance, muscles already aching as you tug your pants

You regretted wearing this one

For some reason, you couldn’t find any regular pants you wear and so you dug out this old pants, but it was much bigger and it was falling every few seconds

You would’ve worn a belt, you should’ve worn a belt but you were rushing and didn’t thought about it

As you get distracted, Soap lunged on you as you barely avoided his fist, but he was fast as he gave a kick on your feet, tumbling you down for probably the 20th time on this session as you yelped

He grin and lets out a victorious laugh as he looked down on you, then stops as he notice just a small part of your undies revealing, along with a tattoo that was around your back, oh

You were on the ground, with your face towards the floor and ass towards him as you groan, panting out a few breaths as you try to lift yourself up slowly

“Giving up already?” He tuts as he comes closer and squat down, taking a better look at your backside with half-lidded eyes

He never knew you had tattoo, and it’s one of those tramp stamp nonetheless, which was really hot in his opinion. You had a small symmetrical wings with some thorns beside it as a design

But what really caught his attention was the hem of your undies, black, nothing crazy but still, it clearly distracts him enough that he didnt realize you were watching him stare at you

“Enjoying the view, Sarge?”

You wiggle your ass as he snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat, looking away with a blush.

“Ah-sorry, didnt mean to stare”

“You can stare”

He looked back at you with a frown as you flash him a grin, arching your back slightly as you wiggle your ass again

“Yer gonna be the death of me” he said with a laugh as he slaps your ass slightly, making you yelp as you giggled and tries to sit up, only to be yanked by your leg as he spins you around

Your legs were now beside his waist as he pulls you close, grinding on you as you blush

“Lets get on with a few private lessons…yeah?”

a/n: im updating Gaz's color with pink instead of yellow bcuz my friend mentioned it was hard to see if someone uses light mode tumblr :]

[cchloset]

buster and eddie headcanons

still struggling to draw and i feel really lazy but i have to say. buster and eddie together, just the concept alone, has me giggling and kicking my legs. theyre so silly. and yes i DO think theyre boyfriends. sorry if this is hard to read its late and im not giving much attention to legibility rn. big walls of text sorryguys - i kinda flipflop between if they met in very late high school or during college because buster says to nana "we met at eddie's graduation". i think it fits better canonically if buster was already maybe halfway through/almost done with his courses and then met a freshman eddie. buster graduated first, then eddie followed. - eddie did not take college seriously at all. guy failed everything. but he locked in the last year, because from the Eddie's Life Coach short film he's shown to know how to get his act together – even if it means immediately forgetting it afterwards - eddie majored in sound design. he wanted to make sound effects for video games - these guys are HUGE morons. oh my god. dumb and dumber over here. average intelligence decreases by 20% whenever they walked into a room - buster was a lot more hyperactive and scattered back then but has mellowed out with age and got his adhd medicated - eddie comes from a spanish-speaking family. he understands spanish but can't speak a word (me with afrikaans lol) - no one at the theatre really knows who eddie is beside his name, the fact that he helps out from time to time, and that he sometimes brings in mcdonalds and coffee for mr moon - eddie smokes pot. not as much now but always used to back then - did he share with buster? obviously - buster CANNOT cook. his father always made the food when he was alive, or miss crawley would make him things, or he'd just buy microwavable stuff you slap in for a few minutes and its ready to eat. do not trust this man around a stove - the kitchen in his loft apartment is seldom used because he eats microwavable lasagna or something every single day - one time he tried making something and set the place on fire - also i think buster's dad's name is David because the Dave and Buster's pun cracks me up n makes me hysterical - as a housewarming gift, eddie gave buster his old xbox. it still works fine but he has a newer one and doesnt want the old one collecting dust. well it collects dust anyway because buster has not played any. hes too busy - buster cant see far away. hes always squinting and getting headaches. refuses to get glasses because 'theyre such a hassle' and opts for contact lenses - eddie has given buster his own keys to the pool house because he visits so often - eddie's parents don't like buster so much. the constant mooching and borrowing money (which he still hasnt paid back btw) doesnt leave a good impression. buster doesnt mind and hops the fence when they lock him out

its 3am ill write more if i think of them. and maybe draw soon. sob sob

[lemmetreatya]

babyyyyyy we’re gonna need that fútbol player!onyankapon fic asappp😩😩😩

your wish is my command wifeeeyyyy

content: afab!reader, possesive!ony, smut, missionary, marking, creampie, breeding

footballer!onyankopon always had a focused mindset when it came to his career -- seldom not occupied on his craft -- but when it came to you? things were different.

footballer!onyankopon who fell head over heels in love with you whilst you used to cheer on your brother at the stand during sunday league matches. footballer!onyankopon who'd bashfully tell you pre-game that any goal he scores will be for you and would always give you a half looped smile whenever he did

footballer!onyankopon who proposes 3 years into your relationship once he gets the greenlight that hes gonna go pro, telling you it'd be wrong to go any further without making you his sole cheerleader. you end up getting to know most of his new teammates but because youre just naturally so bubbly, sometimes footballer!onyankopon can get a bit jealous

"cant lie, if you ever fumble her, know im next in line" are the words that act as the limit to footballer!onyankopon's patience. he knows that theres a sharing mentality with most footballers and the girls they sleep with but thats just not who you are. so, you can only imagine your absolute surprise when footballer!onyankopon is a lot more pouty that night than he usually ever is

"baby, dont talk to my teammates ever again" he says with his toothbrush half sticking out his mouth.

you cant help but giggle at him from the bed, eyeing him over your book. especially concerning how quickly he rushed out the bathroom to tell you this.

"what happen now? another article suspecting theres a secret affair going on?"

footballer!onyankopon quickly pops back into the bathroom to spit the toothpaste out of his mouth before answering you from the sink, unseen.

"they want you after youre 'done' with me."

you can hear the slight despondency in his voice which makes you place down the book on your bedside table to sit up in bed.

"you know thats silly, right? like you know i could never actually be 'done' with you. its you or death."

"ay, ay, ay dont talk like that!" footballer!onyankopon comes out the bathroom having rinsed and dried his mouth. he seems slightly offput by your words but it doesnt hide the slight pang of pain that he wears on his face. even though he was coming to lie down next to you, you still open his side of the duvet for him to lie under.

"no but its true. its us or nothing. no ones having me after nobody, its only me and you papa."

footballer!onyankopon snuggles in next to you but can only find himself staring at the ceiling. he does however appreciate the heat of you next to him

"i know. its just...i dont like thinking about it."

"then dont." you say softly. "think instead about how you do have me and how you have me now. in fact i want you to show me how no one else gets to touch me but you."

footballer!onyankopon doesnt have to be told twice or given an excuse to show you that you were his. to have your anklet with his initials on practically kissing your earlobes as he fucks into you possessively. he was so eager to prove that you were his alone that hed forgotten to prep you as he revels in the feeling of your cunt hugging his cock.

its a tight fit but with how your calling out his name and no one elses?! who can blame him if "mine, mine, mine" is all he keeps chanting into your slick mouth

footballer!onyankopon doesnt mind too much when you scratch at his back in a possesive manner. it'll probably sting him during the salt water bath tomorrow but he doesnt care. he'll probably be teased by his teammates about it during the locker rooms but fuck it, even better. right now, with how pliably succumbing you were for him, there was nothing you could do that'd put him off you.

footballer!onyankopon didn't usually but he couldnt help but to empty himself inside of you; his prime showcase of possession. maybe if you were to have a swollen stomach and then a child that looked exactly like him, his teammates will know not to utter such futile words to him

"let them know that no ones ever getting a turn with me" you mumble as you lightly finger the swollen cross hatching across footballer!onyankopon's back the morning after.

footballer!onyankopon slightly hisses at the sensitivity of it but hes warmly chuckling in response. considering hes sat on the edge of the bed, he turns round to bend and lay a kiss to your forehead.

"dont worry. theyll be more than aware." he assures, smile warm

[the-s1lly-corner]

Is it possible to do head cannons for digital circus characters with a reader who's too nice for their own good

Like they get in danger when trying to talk to the bad guy npc thinking that they could persuade them to the good side

TADC cast x reader whos too nice!

Anon I'm so so sorry that it took me so long to get to this <\3! I gotta admit I've been in like, a bit of a burn out recently and I'm still recovering from my baking spree last week so I'm WOOOooOoooooO

That said I hope you enjoy!

Written ambiguously, if you want to see this as romantic or platonic, is totally up to you!

CAINE:

Literally puts a pause on the IHA when he sees you being dragged away by the big bad guy, all while still trying to insist that the NPC with no chance to gain sentience can be good.. caine finds it endearing in it's own way, its sweet, you see the best in people... and non-people... but reader, this is exactly how you get hurt..! Keeps a close eye on you during IHA

POMNI:

While I dont think pomni fits the "too nice for her own good" vibe, I feel that shes... what word am i looking for? Submissive? She kind of just goes with what others are doing; asides from her initial freak out we dont see much pushback from her in the pilot, though that could be thanks to shock... perhaps shes still feeling it during IHAs given how random and intense they can be..? Point is I think pomni would give a meek resistance before scurrying off after you, trying to save you from the clutches of the baddie

RAGATHA:

Shes loves you so much, dont get her wrong. She loves that you're so sweet to everyone, even to those who dont deserve it. Actually if anything, Ragatha is also a little too sweet for her own good.. but shes not as trusting and naive as you are. Frantically pulls you away to the side when you try to make your way to the days villain, gently scolding you and asking what you were thinking. She doesnt mean to make you feel bad, but she doesn't want to see you hurt!

JAX:

One of the only two characters that might get a little mean with you. Not like "mean as in berating you for being so naive" more so "I'm upset that you seemingly have no regard for your safety, I care about you and I cant see you continue to throw yourself into danger" way that can come off as mean, since jax isnt really.. the best as saying this softly.. immediately cuts through any "what ifs" you might bring up to him, you're the only person in this circus that he actually enjoys and hes not going to let you get flung around.. can his tone be softer? Sure, but can you blame him if this is a regular occurrence?

KINGER:

This poor man nearly has a heart attack when he sees you about to be absolutely demolished (but not really thanks to the digital world), probably ends in him getting hurt too.. but that would be mean.. but also can you imagine the angst? The guilt? He probably pushes through the pain to get to you and hes just. Feverishly pulling you to him and patting you down to make sure you're okay... he won't tell you to stop being so nice; in fact I dont think the thought crosses his mind ever.. but he does ask to never do that again, the getting into danger thing

ZOOBLE:

The other character that might get a little mean when confronting you about it, but given zoobles general attitude as well as their tone of voice, it seems like they're more angry with you than they actually are. They think you're too nice for your own good, truly. While the others may find it sweet and endearing, they're constantly thinking about how one day you'll be in over your head and wont have a way out. This might actually result in an argument, thanks to zoobles tone and way of going about things.. but you guys eventually communicate and make up, at least I would like to think so

GANGLE:

Very similar to pomni in the regard that she doesnt have the spine (haha) to tell you not to do whatever you're planning on doing. "I don't think... oh.. oh wait, reader-" as she scurries after you so you dont get lost. Gets legitimately sad and beats herself up if you get hurt. Similar to zoobles, you guys are going to need to communicate and work together on this because gangle cannot handle the fact that you're constantly getting hurt thanks to your kindness grating on her mind all day every day

[epicleovilanon]

for the otp ask game…..kalijami?

20, 21, 35, and 39? and 9 as well actually!

Hi!!! thanks so much for the ask anon, i really appreciate it! i am sorry it took me some time to respond, but i've seriously been falling behind on asks, for both this blog and others. again, i'm so sorry!

that being said--lets get into it!

20. Are they interested in marriage? Why or why not?

hehehe this. is a complicated question. i would answer both individually, and then with them together. so, here's what i feel.

kalim knows marriage is something that is going to happen. its inevitable for him, he feels. he wants nothing more than to marry jamil (they got pretend married as kids btw. jamil has the ring kalim gave him tossed somewhere at the bottom of his drawer. it finally fits) but also, upon graduation, and jamil being freed, jamil goes on his around the world trip, and kalim doesnt really believe that jamil will come back to him. kalim loves him, will love him forever, more than he's loved anyone else, but he's unsure if jamil feels the same, and so, if jamil doesnt come back/return those feelings, kalim will eventually have to get married.

he's managed to push questions about "when" and "whos" off by telling his father, hey, you're still relatively young and you have all these heirs, i can wait, cant it? and his stepmothers and siblings have all supported this simply because kalim not being married and having heirs of his own yet, offers them more of a chance to take his place as heir. his siblings could even get married before kalim does--to potential allies in their goal to supplant kalim as heir.

jamil though, hasn't thought much of marriage, because it comes down to choice. he wouldn't want to marry and have kids that are stuck in this same life as him and his family, and its a quiet rebellion of his own, in a way. but he knows that there might be familial pressure to marry.

now, together. yes. yes, kalim and jamil get reunited and kalim abasolutely has marriage on the mind--marriage to jamil in particular. it is a dream that he can finally realize. kalim has grown more confident in their time apart, and his adoration has not wavered--kalim's devotion flusters jamil, but is returned as well. jamil has accepted and come to terms with it. he wants to marry kalim.

21. Are they interested in having children? Why or why not?

so similar to the last question--children is a complicated topic for jamil. he wouldnt want to have children only for them to be trapped like he is. kalim too, knows children are inevitable for him. but once they're together, eventually, in a few years, the topic of children comes up, and they're interested. kalim needs an heir, but also is excited by having a mini-jamil. jamil wants a kid now that he knows his child would be free, and there is wonder in that. this is something he can allow himself to have. he thinks fondly of his own relationship with najma, and says he would like more than one. which, given the familal environment the al asims are embroiled in, is smart, i mean god, just think about all those cousins the kids will have, some who might want a shot at elevating their own ranking, al asim heir-wise.

35. How do they deal with being away from each other for a long time?

think of the moomintroll letting the snufkin go wander each winter, and waiting for him to come back come spring and play his new spring tune for him.

and then letting him go again, come autumn.

if you dont know what that is but are curious, here's an animatic!

snufkin has to wander--it is in his nature. and moomintroll has to accept that--it's similar.

there's a lot of faith, a lot of trust, and, if this is established kalijami, a lot of communication. if its not established kalijami, and its in the period where kalim frees jamil upon graduation, then im thinking there isnt that much communication. kalim follows jamil on social media sure, and jamil gets updates every now and then from najma, but they're not exactly communicating with each other--jamil needs to know himslef, and kalim wants to grow as well. he wants to be someone jamil can look at with awe and appreciation--as reliable.

39. Who gets hit on the most?

honestly they probably get hit on an equal amount. i know jamil, when on his trip around twisted wonderland, had more opportunities to get hit on genuinely, whereas kalim deals with people hitting on him out of genuine interest sure, because he is attractive and kind, but there's also the constant factor of people's interest also being due to his wealth, status, and then as well, the fact that some people may think he is able to manipulated through affcetion--that he is too naive and trusting to think it being as anything other than genuine. which isnt true. kalim is both trusting and he can be naive, but also, there is trust, and there is Trust, for Kalim. he'll call a lot of people friend, and he'll be kind and helpful to near everyone he meets, but he's been poisoned enough times that he is aware that a lot of people would like to hurt him

kalim hits on jamil constantly the second he has permission to do so btw and jamil's affections are more in the actions, but he knows kalim wants to Know sometimes too, so he does his best in vulnerable intimate moments (ofc this only happens when jamil uncomplicates his feelings for kalim and can accept them--so in the timeskip when he finally comes back to silk city and kalim and eventually fall together)

9. Do their friends and family like their significant other(s)?

kalim's siblings and step mothers do not like jamil, but they dont like kalim either so. some of them do begrudingly respect jamil, because they think he seduced kalim and doesnt actually care for him, and yet managed to secure a coveted position as spouse to the al asim heir. but they still hate him, and resent the fact that a servant married the heir to the al asims. they think he's a gold digger basically. kalim's father thinks much the same, but he himself has a weakness for pretty powerful things, so he's like, not pleased about it, but does understand kalim's affections for jamil in a, "i was the same way myself" kind of way, and kind of hopes kalim will make another advantageous match as well. (he wont.) but he's got a lot of kids, so in any case, he knows he can make those advantageous matches through them. not sure what his mom feels

as for jamil's family--well its complicated. there's a series of drabbles on ao3, by xooch, forever in your orbit and it kinda encapsulates my thoughts on the vipers feelings regarding kalim. he's an al asim. and they're vipers. and the al asims have had powers over the vipers generations. jamil can say that kalim is good, that he's kind and honest, but they're not gonna hear that--theyre gonna look at jamil with slow growing horror. "he's an al asim." and tears, because when they asked jamil to give in to anything kalim wanted, they hoped to high heavens that it would never also mean his bed. and of course kalim would never wield his privilege like that, but parents worry. yet, they can also see, just how much kalim cares for him--theyve known jamils had kalims favor since they were kids. so they come around to kalim.

najma knows kalim, she knows her brother, so she understands its much quicker, she was the one giving updates on both to each other when jamil was travelling. she gets both sides and is glad they figured it out

[mintaikkcorpse]

Analyzing the Circus & Biblical Elements in Hellaverse: Lucifer Morningstar

The Devil Daddy himself! The King of Hell! The original sin! And somehow, the silliest character in the show, Lucifer Morningstar!

Look, he's a ringleader. I've said it, the show says it, Vivziepop said it, his design shoves it in your face- HE IS A RINGLEADER. But leaving it at that is boring, despite how obvious it is, so I'm going to talk about the aspects of him being a ringleader and why he's a ringleader!

Why he's a Ringleader

The first and obvious reason is that Vivzie wanted him to be.

The in lore and symbolic reasons is because of the way Heaven saw him. In Overture, Charlie states, "He was a dreamer, with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But, he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven."

In a lot of stories, circuses symbolize risk, excitement, and freedom. It can also be a call for adventure, which fits Lucifer so well. He was so excited to create the world and give humans free will, which was seen as something risky and dangerous by Heaven. But, by giving Eve the apple, he was able to give the rest of humanity wonder and excitement, and most importantly, free will. While he does regret it, since he only sees the worst of the free will he has given, that doesn't stop the fact that he still made humans have their own identity away from Heaven, and isn't that the point of circuses? To provide freedom and an identity away from the norm?

Lucifer's Design

Like I said before, we already know he's a ringmaster, with the suit and tophat and all that. BUT there's also other elements to his design I find very interesting.

For one, the tophat has both a crown, and apple, and a snake on it. I didn't even notice there was a crown on him until the wiki pointed it out. The snake is pretty obvious, since the snake is the one that gave Eve the apple. (Also, did you know that the bible never really said that the serpent was the devil? It mightve been a subject of the Devil, but it was never stated to be the devil. That doesnt mean we cant theorize it was tho. I absolutely love analyzing Abrahamic Religions.) There are actually so many apple references to his design.

He has a somewhat hourglass figure with 2 dots on the back of his suit, which makes his body look like an applecore. His color scheme is also primarily red, white, and yellow, which is the colors that most apples have.

Vivziepop said that Lucifer and Charlie were loosely based on Porcelain Dolls, and whole that's cute, idk what that would have to do with it relating to lore. Not everything has to be lore related you know!

But Imma theorize anyways.

Perhaps it's like a puppet breaking off a string. When he was in Heaven, he was a puppet on a string, but now that he's away from Heaven, he's like a doll trying to find his purpose. It's a stretch, but still.

Or perhaps it's a reference to both hid and Charlie's child-like wonder, since dolls are mostly used by children who have big imaginations, like they do.

Demon Elements & References

In mythology, Lucifer was said to be the most beautiful angel and the most beautiful demon, so many artists took this as him being human, which is why he's the most humanoid sin. A lot of people complained that he was a twink in this show, but honestly, he was always a twink.

All of this further proves my theory that the ideal man is a feminine man.

His last name, Morningstar, is a reference to the fact that the Morningstar was said to be Lucifer. In mythology, the morningstar (aka, Venus) was said to be Lucifer trying to steal the light of God, which is why it was a bright star that could be seen in the morning. Him having brighter colors could also be a reference to his association with dawn since it brings the sun and light.

While the name Lucifer has been used by humans for centuries, the name means light bringer, and I like the believe that in the show, it's because he brought the "light" to humanity, aka, free will.

Fun fact: According to Wikipedia, early versions of Lucifer in Greco-Roman myths said that he was the son of Aurora, the Goddess of the dawn.

I heard this on a Ted Ed, but I forgot the video. But it mentions that someone had to steal the golden hair from a devil in one story, so I think that's why Lucifer is blonde. Plus, it just fits with the apple theme, I guess.

[actualbird]

this sounds rly weird to say but stick with me - i wish luke would get ill in canon. obviously he has a terminal illness which would weaken his immune system and while it’s great he’s physically fit i mean SURELY he’s way more susceptible to getting seriously ill from a cold/the flu, right?? idk i think i just want to see him being taken care of bc he deserves it but also i do like the idea of him being taken care of by the nxx and them looking out for him when he gets seriously ill from a virus/bug etc etc

i got this ask Before main story 9 dropped but only after did i wanna answer it because i totally feel u.....

i feel like tot doesnt let luke get smaller ails in canon because hes already dealing With The Big One Thats Killing Him (any more wld be overkill?). and though it's also true that neurological conditions dont necessarily always affect the immune system, it's still a dang shame cuz like u, i'd adore a story where it's the others taking care of him when hes down with a bad case of the flu....and given recent main story events, i reALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE TEAM HELP LUKE WITH A LOW-STAKES AIL :(((

in true luke fashion, he'd probably keep it under wraps and make excuses until his absence at an nxx meeting cannot be ignored and they crash his apartment to see him in a MISERABLE little pile of blankets trying to remedy this by himself

mc: why didnt you tell us!!!! >:O

luke: it's not a big deal :( it's just the flu and already called aaron for doctor's advice and meds and everything, i can take care of myself

vyn: have you been hydrating?

luke, nervously: ..............yyyyyes?

artem, looking in his fridge: theres nothing in here but peanut's treats, what have you been feeding yourself?

luke, still nervously: ffffood?

marius, finding a pack of sliced bread near his bed: dude, have you just been eating bread???

luke, increasingly nervously because hes fighting for his life out here: i cant stomach anything else for some reason!!!

mc: uh huhhhh, you seem to be doing a Great job at taking care of this yourself :/

luke: ;-;

cue the team helping out: helping in cleaning the place up (when luke is miserable his place gets even Messier), cooking simple foods (artem's soup to the rescue), etc etc. luke would be So apologetic during the whole thing, constantly apologizing for being a bother, which is both depressing and grating to hear. mc almost wants to take two piece of sliced bread and sandwich luke's face in them to tell him "STOP SAYING SORRY!!!" but she knows thatll probably make him feel worse, so she restrains herself

for all luke's apologizing, he does feel better with the team helping out. but then he feels bad about feeling better (because HOW DARE HE....AFTER HE INCONVENIENCED THEM ALL!!!) and it's this terrible ouroboros of shame

eventually, mc sends the other boys out on a grocery run to help stock luke's fridge with fruits and other good snacks-for-sick-person, and alone in luke's apartment she sits next to him.

mc: hey, tell me the truth. you knew you were doing a cruddy job at looking after yourself, you knew you shouldve asked for help. why didnt you?

luke: ...i dont...like it...i dont like you or the others seeing me like this

mc: pathetic?

luke: i mean, yeah. but i meant....sick. i dont like you guys seeing me sick. because of, yknow.....being sick and useless and helpless, it feels like a prelude, and everyone else is burdened picking up the pieces around me.

mc: oh

luke: yeah

mc: hm. youre an idiot

luke: ????

mc: i cant speak for the others, but i can tell you that i surely dont mind seeing you like this if it means i can help. dont you always tell me to rely on you more? how about you return the favor, luke. let us help, sometimes. let me help.

and we all know shes way too good at setting up a winning argument.

by the time the others get back, luke is a more cooperative patient and a less-apologetic one. in the back of his mind, he figures it cant hurt to let himself feel okay getting help every once in a while.

[koiifiishy]

need to behave today and not use my hands n arms too strenuously 🥹 so a little pc / oc yapping it is..!

theres a good chance that a pc might recall the name "ari" in a "i couldve sworn i heard that name at the orphanage before" kind of way. but upon trying to recall anything else, it all comes up blank. were they a boy or a girl? tall or short? what did their face look like? you cant remember. but when you see ari, you just kind of accept "oh, this is who that is." — but he hasnt always looked like this. he hasnt always acted like this. whoever ari was at the beginning of his long looping journey, that person has long since eroded and evolved into the ari of today. even he doesnt fully remember how he once was, tho he is aware he was different.

ari's migraines come from being overwhelmed by his connection with the wraith. he usually hides away when he feels like shit and tries to sleep it off, but its very fitful and full of dubious out of body experiences.

expanding on the previous bullet point: when IW is active, i imagine ari has a harder time differentiating between the two of them. the line blurs & he acts stranger than usual. more volatile. he kind of acts like a proxy for the wraith in those moments, a tenuous foothold for the entity to become more grounded in reality. ari's still aware of whats happening, but its in a distant, watching from the outside kind of way. similar to how the pc can be possessed. he doesnt usually fight it - sees no point to, when theyre so interconnected. why would he fight what is, essentially, himself?

i like to think that at one point ari was a pc like any other, but through his countless loops his role has shifted and there've been others to fill the spot. "the pc" is ever changing - its less about the actual person and more about the role. hes already gone through the motions himself, so he feels a connection to them on that level — but he wont usually interfere with their story. this is their turn to be in the limelight, for better or worse.

given that, and his tenuous merge with the wraith, ari usually feels sympathetic towards pcs. he understands the pain thrust upon them. he feels even more pity for them when theyve had life altering experiences with the wraith; bc in those moments, its as if he too is the one tormenting them. its hard to separate the actions of a collective hive mind entity, but hes aware enough that he remembers their screams. the feeling of his hands around their throat. the all encompassing desire to break them down just as theyd been broken. its not the kind of sympathy where hed apologize. he doesnt feel guilty. its more like... when you see something small and in pain, and the fleeting idea of ending their suffering surfaces to the forefront of your mind. . . letting anyone else be the pcs demise is out of the question - but for him to be the one to grant them merciful death? oh, its so so tempting... alas, he knows in the end even that wouldnt last. the cycles continue.

sai! have you missed your friend? i havent forgotten about him~

i imagine doltown to be a sort of nexus for Creatures. theres an allure, a pull, towards the town for supernatural beings. sai may present himself as a normal high school student, but hes obviously got more going on ; its like an instinctual part of him was called to the town. he gravitates towards the pc due to how the story gravitates around them. odd things are drawn to the pc, and sai is no different.

his brand of strangeness is more undefined than some of the more explainable entities around the town. even he doesnt have the answers to what he is: an anomaly, some would say. before his human identity, he called himself null. in his own words, he chose the name because "though i do not have an answer for you as to what i am, i understand my function completely ; i consume, and in doing so, i erase." his current state makes this a little questionable, as he hasnt carried out his 'function' in the town — but that isnt to say he couldnt. probably. once he understands why hes evolved to become more humanlike. & if his hyperfixation shifted from exploring his newfound humanity..!

other supernatural entities tend to be fearful, wary, or hostile towards sai. he stays away from the wraith, and the wraith in turn stays away from him. his being killed in the pc's presence often has to do with the town itself rejecting him. too bad he always comes back..~

pcs with high awareness have an easier time remembering sai and the chance to realize hes strange. id say a pc with a tf may also get that chance, but not be able to place their finger on why his presence bothers them. hes immune to angelic or demonic influences though! hed think its interesting, and want to study it more closely, but he himself would be unphased by any "angel/demon magic". pcs can physically hurt him though. he isnt bothered and will at times encourage it, if he feels like the pc would agree. theres no such thing as "taking it too far" with sai. he would let you kill him, just to see your methods and reactions. be careful with doing that tho - its a slippery slope of silent hill-esque mind fuckery if you indulge too much in killing him!

each time sai dies, he comes back more and more in the shape of whatever visage pleases the pc the most. hes here for you. hes your friend. hes everything you could ever want, right? personally, he takes the changes in stride and will course correct his behavior to also fit into whatever the pc likes.

sai is inauthentic in every way but even the best lie detecting characters wont be able to tell when hes being false. he knows exactly what hes doing too. as a morally neutral entity, its easy for him to slip from black to white, 'evil' and 'good'. his intrigue and curiosity will always come first though - whether hes doing a good or bad thing to get there doesnt matter. its just easier to get what he wants if he act like he cares!

more silly pins thatre olivercore

oliver really is just living on vibes! but dont let the cute face and empty brain fool you into thinking hes naive or innocent: he's an absolute little shit under the :3 . his morals are as dubious as his taste in men. you just wont notice it as much (or ppl will brush it aside) bc hes tiny and uses his cuteness to get away with a lot of stuff. hes not afraid to plead and cry when he gets caught and somebody wants to punish him either. hed say literally anything to get out of a self inflicted sticky situation! with very little intention to follow through on any promises.

if oliver is infatuated with you, youve gotta realize at some point that although hed do pretty much anything you asked of him - he does have a limit. and also his self interest will always come first.

olis prone to wandering into places he shouldnt be just bc the door was locked. in pure cat fashion, he just wanted to see what was in this secret forbidden off limits room!!! he may or may not even steal anything. like when you can break into houses in the residential area - sometimes he breaks in just to look and doesnt even steal anything lol. in pcverse, id say theres always a chance for your pc to return to their room and oliver is just. There. hed wave and say hiii!!! ^w^!! like nothing was amiss too.

and some eriscore pins too

playing zzz, and pointing at jane doe: thats how older eris is built. one day ill draw him in her clothes too.

i want so badly to delve into erinyes eris... part of the temple, but still remaining on the outside enough that he doesnt buy into their cult dogma. trained so fucking hard that he really is on a different level than most of the townsfolk, even the hired thugs. very much a prime example of the battle nun trope but in the animanga / game way. he's a high dex unit lol pulling lotsa sick maneuvers that normal ppl wouldnt dream of trying mid fight.

if eris wasnt promised to sydney and in a verse where he doesnt get promised to anyone else — erinyes eris is 100% still got his vaginal virginity. he also doesnt see it as anything special, so hed get flustered if he did end up sleeping with somebody, doing it from the front, and they commented on it. very huffy and muttering about why that sort of thing even matters?? grumbling that if you make such a big deal out of it, hes gona stop and leave you blue balled///

erinyes eris has killed a man. has killed many men actually. overall doesnt feel bad about it. first kills are always their own fiasco of inner turmoil, but even then i think eris simply compartmentalized and depersonalized the shit out of that experience until he was numb to the idea. usually though, he tries to avoid killing ppl. its a giant mess that he would rather not deal with. as for if it was on his own accord or the temples?? hhmmm hmmm whos to say..!

thigh burn was from a science class acid burn (fuck them kids pouring acid on u on purpose >:/ ). eyebrow and back scar from the island escapade. nose scar came from his whip rebounding. hes got plenty of nicks and smaller scars on his fingers, hands, arms and legs from temple training and the usual doltown life too.

a good boy always swallows huh? what?

some misc notes:

max the cafe owner is totally a cat-sìth :3 hes a long furred tuxedo cat to be specific! as you can imagine, being a faery means hes quuiite a bit older than what he appears. the tf you get from his cafe is more cat-sìth leaning than just cat too✨

shout out to mosse, max would absoLUTELY go to ferdie's meowmeow shows just to stan him so hard and throw cash at another catman doing his silly little dance routines. has merch. probably has a hey now ita bag lmao. hes not shy about this either, he Would be honest about liking this rising kitty star!

would prrroobably help a cat tf pc through their heat/rut if asked. but he keeps it professional outside of those moments! hes not looking to date the pcs. if you got too weird about it hed be very straight forward that although he may like you platonically, he harbors no romantic feelings towards you. he insists hes too old for pc,,, a persistent pc will be shut down — but a suuuper persistent pc miiight just be able to wear him down enough haha.

shui (as if it wasnt obvious) comes from a background in organized crime. the jade rabbit isnt his first venue, nor his first front. hes well connected with orgs outside of doltown, thus the major players in the town tend to treat him with equal parts respect and weariness. he really is a neutral party in the schemes of the town though. regarding the cult(s), his opinion can be boiled down to

so long as his dear benefactors keep giving him and his what they want, he has absolutely no intention of getting any deeper into their business as he needs to.

his formal background is in medicine. his less formal background is in poisons. doesnt have a doctorate, but he might as well be considered a doctor with his skillset. focuses mainly on traditional chinese medicine - "TCM practitioners use various psychological and/or physical approaches (such as acupuncture and tai chi) as well as herbal products to address health problems."

shui is 100% the anime trope of doctor who uses needles & pressure points to subdue ppl in a fight. hes very much not defenseless. tho even if he were, the parlor security staff is filled with gang members. cris is the head, and is practiced in combat — shui usually lets her handle any and all fighting.

regarding any pcs that would wana try their hand at joining the bars security staff!! theyd also be broaching into gang territory... which if they gained enough trust and proved themself, then why not. sure. theyd accept newblood. shui could even arrange to pay for your debt, but knowing bailey hed be hard pressed to let a pc go completely & u already know hed ask for soooo much from shui. it wouldnt deter shui, but the pc would have to understand that its basically just a shift in who owns them at that point. be bound to debt from bailey or by shui; either way, pc's hands arent staying clean forever. neither is really better than the other. missing a payment to shui would result in similar punishments. and honestly, hed probably tack on an accruing interest (maybe bailey already does too, who knows).

[the-flys-buzz]

ANOTHER LYRIC DISSECTION 💔💔💔

“Floral sheets on long-given-up ghost, haunt my bedroom at night and say ‘Let’s get you home.’”

the ‘long-given-up ghosts’ line is william referring to his birth parents and how he left them behind in favor of traveling different universes. the haunt part is talking about how he still thinks of them with some sense of guilt! he probably sees the ‘lets get you home’ bit as them (his birth parents) telling him that.

“But come and braille-palm-read and hold my hand, see my reason and ‘Goodbye cruel world.’”

sounds odd, but i see this line as william try to explain what is emotions are like. i dont know why it just makes sense to me. likely him just rambling to steven about random things his brain says sometimes.

“And oh my god, what’s wrong with me?”

oh this one is easy. exactly what it sounds like. william asks himself this sometimes after he does something impulsive that he didnt mean to do. probably a lot after he snaps at steven.

“I’d rather stay asleep than never see you wake up next to me.”

this one is taken less literally. moreso in the sense that william would rather hide in his steven mindset than see steven whenever hes acting like abel, scott, etc.

“To incubate the shadows you can’t stitch back to your soles.”

wah!!!! william reminiscing on the actual good memories he has from his early childhood and realizing he cant get those moments back with his old family. hence, why he grips onto steven, jake, and his siblings so hard.

“And you seemed fine just a few days ago.”

i see this as steven talking to william actually. he has mentioned how william can go from happy and energetic to more stern and upset when hes using the phonehead form.

“Well, now you swear in your prayers telling time ‘Promise I’ll never have fun again, if you’d stop flying,’ but then you start crying ‘Never mind, you win.’”

steven probably bringing up what william says when hes a phonehead himself. how he'll 'do better' if steven stops acting a certain way himself. the last bit is when william gives up and eventually goes back to normal via a breakdown.

“And far too late came far too soon. And the love you never made became the things you’d never do.”

in reference to the impact steven has had on williams stability emotionally/mentally as well as the traits william has picked up from him. the ‘far too late came far too soon’ is in reference to steven not noticing it sooner. the ‘love you never made became the things you’d never do’ bit could be seen as williams missed opportunities in life now that he aims to follow in stevens footsteps.

“So come on, William, grow up, be a man, ‘cause until then they’re gonna treat you like you’re just a little girl.”

THIS LYRIC TAKES ME OUT EVERYTIME. it fits so well. how william thinks that people will see him as nothing but a kid if he doesnt act mature enough. how william is still concerned people will see him as a girl despite him being openly trans. OUH. this one is the entire reason this lyric dissection exists.

“It’s me who cries mercy while your fingers curl and, oh, are you at all like me?”

feels like william making a desperate attempt to reason with steven. especially the ‘it’s me who cries mercy while your fingers curl’ part. the ‘oh, are you at all like me?’ is a rhetorical question. he ask that to try and get steven to understand what hes doing is wrong.

“Do you know what I mean? Or am I too close to see? Someone, anyone?”

william trying to explain himself. likely what he feels like when no one is responding to his rambling how he expected. he doesnt like when hes wrong about something hes rambling about.

“Well, here is the church, here is the steeple. Open the doors, see all the people.”

this one refers to a memory william has of basically this exact thing. several people at an altar at a church, holding each other and comforting each other. hes not religious but he at that moment wanted that kind of comfort.

“Alright, that’s enough, let’s get you home.”

obvious one. after all of this, steven offering him the comfort he needs. in this case, steven is quite literally the home this references.

OUH. @ask-steven-stevenson th. this is a long one but OH WELL. you did wanna be tagged i think..... as a little bonus!!!!

thats the songs meaning. so uhrm. yeh that definitely adds on❤️

[tyranitarkisser]

Im thinking about Hinabuki in the context of right after the events of sdr2 where everyone who died is in their death comas and the survivors have decided to pretty much spend the rest of their lives on the real Jabberwock and become one anothers found family. I think at first Hajime would be ashamed of the talent he was given when he became Izuru Kamukura and swear off using them just on principle. Or, if he does use his powers he feels obligated to use them to clean up his mess somehow. He could be a doctor or surgeon, a professor, or something else that would help bring hope back into the world. Except quite frankly he couldnt give a rats ass about hope and the world, even if his alter ego was responsible for the apocalypse... that stuff is more Naegi and the Future Foundations deal anyway. He cares about himself and his friends who are responsible for all the same fucked up things he is. Theres no telling what the world would think if he were to show his face again, and he really doesnt care to entertain that thought anyway.

Enough time passes and eventually Ibuki and Nidai wake up and recover. Well, mostly - Nidai is paralyzed from the shock of technically dying twice but being a robot the second time so it didnt quite register in his brain as quite real enough to kill him in the real world? Idk. Id just like to see more of him, and Akane can help him take care of himself. But i like Nidai and Ibuki waking up because they are both relatively low stakes characters that wouldnt really take away the narrative impact of everyones deaths in the Neo World Program and the lesson it taught the survivors - at least, not as much as if, say, Gundam or Komaeda woke up. Teruteru, Impostor, Mikan, and Gundam pass away after a year or so. Kuzuryuu is still hanging onto a thread of hope that Peko will wake up soon, and no one really knows what they would do if Komaeda woke up and theyre kind of dreading it if it does happen.

Anyway Ibuki wakes up, and not really having made any friends before she was killed, Hajime tries to offer her company and the two get close. Lets say in this canon he did all of her freetime events and knows her more serious side when she isnt playing an exaggerated caricature of herself, and through time together they start a relationship! He learns that she has trouble making genuine connections with people and her nonserious personality is both a coping mechanism and also partially the reason why she cant make friends, but luckily she has Hajime who is interested in her for who she really is, and eventually, the other survivors get to meet Ibukis more serious side thanks to Hajime. He assures her that who she is is fine and it isnt so scary to allow people to know the real you after all.

Conversely, Ibuki finds it ridiculous that after all that trouble Hajime doesnt want to use the talent he was given, because whether or not he used it for evil as Izuru that doesnt change the fact that he has them now so he might as well use them. She encourages him to use his abilities selfishly, as a creative outlet. She inspires him to make art and music he never would have imagined he would be capable of but somehow it comes so naturally that it blurs the lines between his artificial talent and his raw feelings. He takes on a more punk/alternative look and lets Ibuki pierce his ears (she wants to pierce his face but thats where he draws the line NO face piercings for Hajime)

I think an alternative look for him would be fitting not just from Ibukis influence but also consider his more edgy and skeptical personality... i dont think it would be so unthinkable that kind of aesthetic would resonate with him. How many kids in high school have no concept of style but as adults learn how to better express their personality? Even still he isnt exploding with personality like Ibuki is, hes still the same serious and apprehensive Hajime Hinata hes always been, only now hes okay with that. It took destroying the world for him to be comfortable with himself but hey, whatever works right?

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 14: I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE

wc: 6054

tags: violence, attempted s/a, smut, angst, drugs

a/n: this chapter might be triggering for some people, read at your own risk.

prev chapter

yaera

i havent been to one of these events since i was fifteen. that doesnt sound like a long time, but considering my sister was still alive then, it certainly felt like forever had passed.

the dress i was given is pretty at least. its black, has long sleeves and looks like it was designed for a sexy vampire. one good thing came out of this shitfest.

but the best part is, i can hide san's drugs within my outfit. im not stashing them in matching black purse because it'll get searched, but the tiny ziplock bags fit perfectly in my sleeves and boob area. this will truly be the riskiest thing ive ever done.

irina and the others even messaged me not to forget the stuff. im so focused on just getting that money the fear i had buried inside me hasnt completely resurfaced yet.

im staring at myself in the mirror, looking at my smokey eye make up. the black hair dye really gave me a morbid yet sexy aesthetic that im not bad about. if i could describe myself in two words, it would be exactly that, morbid and sexy.

the sexy part is what bothers me. i know there are people who would agree all too willingly with that. and its not my target audience.

my room door swings open and my mother walks in. theres a strange look on her face as she takes me in. we say nothing to each other for a few moments till she breaks the silence.

"bellisima," she says, almost under her breath. "we can really never go wrong with santo. he made you look like a princess, even if you look like you are going to a funeral."

my insides squirm at the mention of his name. i tried to ignore it, but the fear i felt in that bathroom is coming back full swing. im seeing him tonight. he'll be waiting for me.

"please don't do this again this year," i stiffly begged. "you need to find someone your own age Santo. I'm...I'm not the one."

santo cocks his head to the side and smirks. "and who told you that? who said you're not perfect for me?"

"i don't fucking want you," I hissed. his eyes widen slightly, more out of sick arousal instead of offense.

he advanced on me and i blinked, finding myself pressed against a stall. i whimpered and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but my arms were pinned to the side. oh my God, I'm going to be sick.

"but I want you, and you know that. so why don't you stop playing games," he whispered dangerously close to my ear. i shivered and my nausea kept tugging at my stomach.

"i'm your only chance at a respectable man. your parents already love me. so why don't you accept the love I have for you? you'll never find anyone like me, tesoro."

"i fucking hope so," i whispered, pinching my eyes closed. he moved his face infront of mine, hovering his lips over mine. I whined and wriggle, but he isn't fazed by my struggling.

"you're a big girl now, right?" he said lowly. "i think it's time you feel like a woman."

i snap out of that awful memory when my mother clicks her fingers infront of my face. "come on, hurry up! we are only waiting on you!"

i cant leave san's side tonight. no matter what.

when i get downstairs, my nearly feel the breath getting knocked out of me. he's standing there, looking more handsome than i've ever seen him. black hair slicked back, eyebrows done. the suit is sitting perfectly. its like he's the model here and not me. god i think im going to be sick.

he gives me a small smile but says nothing.

"doesn't she look perfect, amore mio?" my mother says to my father, who only gives an awkward smile of acknowledgement.

"the two of you can sit at the back of the limo. your mother and i will take the two front seats," my father says, then turns to san with a pointed finger. "dont get any ideas, boy. i know your headmaster personally."

san awkwardly laughs. "i would never, sir."

i try not to wonder how true that is. we pile into the limo and my parents keep looking at us through the rearview, making sure there's a significant gap between us. i look over to him and all the anger i felt before is just gone. i think im fucking whipped.

hes the most beautiful man ive ever seen.

"san..."

"you look really pretty," he tells me before i can say anything. saying that with the most expressionless face makes my face drop.

"oh-"

"i just wanted to say that. you really do."

i dont know what to say. the limo is dim so i dont know if he can see how flushed i feel. he leans forward and i think hes about to kiss me. i hope for it. i dont even care if my parents are nearby.

"where are you hiding the stuff?" he whispers. oh right, his drugs.

i show him my sleeves, how the pills are pressed finely between the folds. then i point to my bust. "others are in here," i say.

he chuckles lowly. "creative. you can give me some if you need more space."

if san gets caught with this my parents would end him. everything he worked to achieve would be gone in less than 2 days.

"i think i should keep it. just in case anything happens. you know, rich girl immunity."

san nods and leans back away from me, making me feel empty. "of course."

no words are exchanged between us for a few moments. so we're really going to pretend like the party didnt happen? did that mean it was never going to happen ever again. i dont want to sound desperate but my head is screeching for answers.

but i focus on what matters tonight. putting on a show. getting irina and the others their drugs and collecting payment. and most of all, escaping santo.

"san, can you do me a favour?" i ask.

he hesitates but nods anyway.

"dont leave my side tonight. please."

he rubs the back of his head nervously. "well, i am your date. and i dont know anyone else here."

god. he doesnt realize how bad i need him.thats the thing, i need him more than he needs me. i can never delete what i have on him. i never know when this will go sideways.

the party is at some hotel. when we get there, i can tell the reception is intimidating to san. the cameras, the flashing lights. the security. i grab his hand and he doesnt protest as we go inside. both of us get patted down by security guards, of course the drugs go undetected.

we go inside and the dinner set up is fancy as fuck. i look at san and i cant tell if hes forcing the coolness to not have a panic attack, but his face is blank. i spot irina and the others at a table and wave, my mother dragging us to a separate table with our name on it.

theres a stage with a massive projection screen, where a slideshow of the lingerie collection plays. i know at some point the pictures from the shoot will play out as well. im hoping to sneak off before then because i cant handle the embarrassment.

"so this is your life huh," san mutters next to me. i frown, his tone sounds disappointed.

"whats wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. just...i cant believe it sometimes."

hes been acting so weird. is he insecure? fuck i.dont even know where to start placing questions. my stomach sinks a little at his tone. i guess he'll never get it. he doesnt understand what im really running from. i doubt he ever will. that class disconnect will keep beating our ass.

to him, anything is better than being in a gang. i guess hes right. but that doesnt mean there arent things out there that would make you want to kill yourself. i would know.

santo walks out on the stage and everyone starts clapping like this is the oscars. "good evening everyone, buenos noches, buonasera, and everything else! welcome to the launch of the new Cosa Pericolosa brand. a brand distinct for its dangerous yet delicate beauty, made of the finest Italian lace and silk. i want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate and enjoy this milestone. there will be dancing and there will be a party, saluto!"

as soon as he gets off that stage, i see his face find my parents table. hes coming straight for us. i instantly grab san's hand under the table. he turns to me utterly confused, but i cant deal with that right now.

"mi famiglia!" santo loudly says and kisses my parents on the cheek. he gets to me and does the same, his kiss lingering on me longer than i wanted. i suppress a shiver. "tesoro, you look beautiful in the dress i picked! im so glad to see everyone here!"

"we could not have done it without you, santo!" my mother gushes. "you look so handsome!"

"ah, you are making me shy. it is really you people who are stealing the show, wait till you see how the pictures turned out!" he laughs obnoxiously, turning to smile at me.

"im so glad you are here, tesoro. it is good to finally have you back. your sister would be proud of you."

"thank you, santo." i force a smile. when really i want to scream. dont fucking bring her up, i want to scream it. but i force a stupid, docile smile. fuck if this night goes on for any longer, i might end up doing these drugs myself.

"hold on, who is this," santo finally acknowledges san. he holds out his hand to him. "i am santo falcone. but you can call me santo, you are?"

"that is yaera's date," my mother chimes in as san awkwardly takes his hand. "san choi. he is a classmate."

"oh," santo's smile tightens and he glances at me. "just a classmate?"

my father forces a laugh. "of course. do you know me? she can meet someone when it is time to get married."

santo grips san's hand for an uncomfortable amount of time till he ends up needing to rip it away. "nice to meet you, san choi. excuse me, i will return to you all. i have to greet the other guests and then have them run the music. you all enjoy the night."

he leaves, giving me a weird look before going. is he fucking jealous? does he seriously think he owns me? i dont know how my sister worked with him. hes so fucking creepy and somehow that never came up between us.

irina and the others arrive at our table next, greeting my parents with hugs and kisses. "can we steal yaera for a second? she looks so gorgeous!" claire says, gushing.

"no really, i want to rip that dress off you!" anya says. my mother rolls her eyes and laughs.

"please girls, bring her back in one piece for the show." my mother says. a smirk i know to be devious grows on irina's lips.

"oh we will, dont worry, mrs marino."

im so happy to get up from that table. san grabs my dress and looks up like a lost kid. "where are you going? dont leave me by myself here," he says under his breath.

awww hes so awkward. "ill be right back. dont miss me too much."

his eyes are desperate and his smile is so forced its hilarious. "youre really going to leave me with your parents?"

"dont worry she'll be back!" anya tells him, noticing him holding my dress. "your boyfriend is so clingy, yaera."

i can tell san is trying not to murder her with his glare. not more can be said because im whisked away. we end up in the bathrooms that look like something out of the louvre. anya and claire start taking mirror selfies while irina starts putting the money down on the sink.

"all of it is here, you can count it yourself. now where are the stuff?" she says. i start unrolling my sleeves, taking four of the bags out, getting the other five from my boobs.

anya and claire quickly come scrambling. "oh god, finally!" claire says. "we've been waiting so long."

"is it really that good?" i wonder, their relief is crazy to see. "better than what you already do?"

"alone its okay. but together with what we already do? a fucking trip to the skies," irina shakes her head with a smile. "ive never been so glad to know you, marino."

mixing drugs. that doesnt sound smart. but what do i know? im not the addict.

i smile and take the money, folding it back into my boobs. "youre welcome. and you know if you need more, where to call me."

"of course. and you better answer."

"your boyfriend is so fucking hot yaera," anya says with a sigh. "hes literally gorgeous. where did you find him?"

"careful, you cougar. you cant be talking about an 18 year old like that," i joke.

"im not even twenty three shut the fuck up!" she shoves at my shoulder.

"so he is your boyfriend?" claire smiles. the three of them coo like children when i start blushing.

"im getting there guys," i say. "hopefully soon."

"what do his parents do? he looks like a model himself." claire says.

"you know this is yaera, hes probably crazy as fuck. like the last one, what was his name?" irina chimes in with a snort. "i bet this one is the reason she has drugs in the first place."

i scowl at her. shes right but i hate that she read me so easily. "bitch, just enjoy my services. goddamn it you people are nosy."

she raises an eyebrow. "am i right though?"

i roll my eyes and start to leave, saluting on my way out. "im getting back now to my date now, goodbye ladies."

luckily when i get out, theres music playing and people are on the floor. san is sitting alone by the table, taking random sips out of a champagne glass. im so excited. i actually got money back for us. i throw my hands onto his shoulders and smile widely, unable to hold my excitement.

"so guess who collected their first payment?"

san's eyes widen. "all the money there?"

"every last note. so i think to celebrate we should dance."

san frowns and cringes. "i dont dance. im fine here."

i roll my eyes and grab his hand, pulling him up with a hard tug. "is it a sin for you to do ANYTHING fun? the music is playing and we have something to celebrate, come on."

he sighs and gives in with a lame smile. "fine."

i lead him to the dancefloor, swinging my arms around his neck. san's hands drop to my lowerback as we sway and i cant ignore the happiness bubbling in my brain. i cant stop smiling.

"you seem really happy," he notes. "you're getting a big head from your first payment huh?"

"of course. its just what i needed to prove myself to you. that i can pull my weight and that im not just some liability."

"i never said that-"

"yes you did san. many times." i remind him, and his cheeks flush from.embarrassment. "i can even quote you on it if you want?"

"please dont," he chuckles under his breath. "fine, i guess you can pull your weight."

his dimples are piercing through. i stare at him mesmerized and i cant even hide it. i bet if i was a cartoon in this very moment, i'd be having stars in my eyes.

"you're perfect, you know that?" i say without thinking.

san's eyes widen, then darken in seconds. "what?" his voice is just barely together.

"i want to kiss you again," i admit. "i think its all i'll want for a really long time."

i lightly stroke his cheeks, seeing them go rosey. this is all i have. the only thing that shows me that i do affect him.

his eyes dart down to my lips and i shrink the distance between us, till we're just barely a centimeter apart.

"i dont want you to think about it," i tell him. "just do whatever you want in the moment. thats all that matters."

"yaera..." he gulps, then takes a step back. "i-i dont know about this. lets just...this isnt good. for either of us."

"says who?" i scoff.

"says me. you and i should just stay business partners. strictly business. anything else wont end well for either of us."

hearing that makes my heart shatter and my stomach drop. fuck i can feel my eyes filling with water. i try to choke.it down but i know its obvious.

"so you're just gonna.pretend we never kissed at that party?" i lay down my arms from his neck. "youre just going to pretend that never happened?"

san stops dancing and gives me a curt nod. "i think its best we do. we both know i just represent something to you. something forbidden. thats why you want me right? because im someone you cant have."

i laugh bitterly. "i cant fucking believe you."

i feel a tear drop. san sees it and frowns. "yaera wait-"

i swat his hands away from me. "you are such a fucking dick."

i get off the dancefloor and run somewhere. i dont know where. im just walking, looking for a place to break down and sob. god this is so embarrassing. im so fucking pathetic.

i stop infront of a random room and twist the door handle. its unlocked, thank god. i go inside and fall onto the bed, my chest instantly getting wrecked. i start sobbing horrifically, unable to believe how awful i feel right now.

whats wrong with me. what is legitimately wrong with me. why was he so cold? am i not pretty enough for him or something? this cant just be about the business. i refuse to believe it. and even if it is, why do i feel so worthless?

everytime jongho has rejected me and made me feel like nothing but a stupid slut flashes infront of me. the feeling stabs me like a knife.

that must be it. thats probably what he sees me as. a stupid, desperate evil slut. all i do is throw myself at him. even at that party, i couldnt wait to be all over him. im pathetic. and desperate. i should just die.

my gloves are soaked. i cant believe how much im crying. maybe i should go back to therapy. maybe i wasnt coping as well as i thought i was.

i look up into the mirror stand, seeing my make up absolutely ruined. my entire face is red, and my hair is sticking to my soaked cheeks. i look like shit.

suddenly i remember why i stayed away from men in the first place. because im too fucking sensitive. my mood depends on them. my self worth is a reflection of how much they like me. they control whether i feel emotional highs and emotional lows.

i start laughing at myself. i cant believe i got myself into this kind of fuckery again.

the door opens suddenly, making me jolt. santo comes in and closes the door behind him, smiling tightly. i jerk up and start stumbling back, backing myself into a wall to be far away from him.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"i saw you dancing with that...child," he slowly laughs, his tone sounding bitter. "you have no business being with someone like him, tesoro."

"santo-"

"do you know how fucking sick i felt?" he snaps, stalking like a dangerous animal. "seeing you with him? while you wear the dress i picked out for you?"

being alone was a mistake. i try to dart for the door but he grabs me and picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand. he throws me onto the bed, forcing his bodyweight on top of me. im frozen, i cant move. every karate class ive taken, all my knowledge on hurting someone just vanishes. hes on top of me and i cant move.

im sobbing again. he presses his finger to my lip, hushing me.

"i should be the only one who takes this dress off you tonight," he whispers. he starts lowering the top, leaving the top of my chest exposed. "dont cry, tesoro, you'll feel so much better after. ive been waiting for this for so long..."

"no please, santo," i beg through my tears. "please just leave me alone. please just-"

theres a few knocks on the door. "yaera, is that you? can i come in?"

that's san's voice. santo clamps his palm over my lips again and i scream.through them. its muffled. i start struggling and kicking but he wont get off me. he forces his hand harder. "fucking stop," he growls at me.

the door swings open anyway. san barges in and santo quickly jumps off me, suddenly on the other side of the room. san looks between us, frozen in his feet.

"what, did anyone say you could fucking come in?" santo screams. san stays staring between us, his face absolutely blank. santo scoffs and adjusts his suit jacket before storming out and slamming the door.

i sit up on the bed, looking at san through blurry eyes. i cant even find my voice. i cant even deal with what just happened.

"did he try..." san trails off, shaking his head at me. he rushes to sit down next to me. i cant help it, as soon as he wraps his arms around me i start bawling again.

"i cant fucking breathe. san please i just want to get away from here. please can we just leave."

he softly rubs the side of my head as he holds my face in his chest. "lets go. we'll go away from here. far away from.here. anywhere."

***

san

i dont even know where to start.

yaera and i ordered an uber from the hotel, disappearing with the permission of her father, saying she felt sick and she needed to go home. they werent happy but yaera's distraught face convinced them. they have no idea what the fuck happened tonight. they were sitting with that same guy that night.

hell, i dont even know what happened. but i could put two and two together.

yaera and i havent said a word to each other. shes passed out on my chest all the way to my apartment. i have to carry her on the way in. i have to put her down on her feet when its time to go into my apartment, and she hangs on my arm the entire time.

"you sure you fine with this?" i ask her. she nods wordlessly.

i let her inside, and she makes her way to my bed where she falls hopelessly. i go and sit down beside her, not knowing what to say. i dont know any words that can fix what happened tonight.

i know so much about her, but tonight...it made me realize i know nothing.

"this isnt the first time it happened," she says, her voice low and defeated. "the first time he did it...i was fifteen. he touched the inside of my thigh in a dressing room and kept trying it till i never went back. i never told my parents...or my sister."

i dont say anything. i let her speak.

"he told me he would never let me go. that he was in love with me. he tried so many times. at my own house. and everytime i would end up in the hospital...my parents would blame me. they would say that i was acting out. i didnt know how to tell them. they treated santo better me and my sister. hes a saint to them."

i feel my head heating up. a rich prick predator piece of shit. he deserves to disappear. he deserves to fucking rot.

i bet miss A could make a bastard like him disappear really quickly.

i take her hand and gently rub my thumb over her knuckles. i feel terrible. the only reason he was able to follow her was because of me.

"so thats why you asked me to not leave your side," i realized. "so you wouldnt be alone with him."

"he gets jealous of every man who comes near me," yaera's tears leak onto my pillow. "i thought if he saw you...he would really leave me alone this time. but it just...it made him more aggressive. he tried to..."

i pull her up and bring her into another hug, gripping her tightly. it felt like if i let her go that i'd never hold her again. that feeling terrifies me. i hate it so much.

"i'll never let him hurt you again," i swear. "i'll fucking kill him. just say the word and i will."

"i want him off my skin, san," she tells me pleadingly. "i dont want to feel him ever again. i want to scratch my skin off and be clean. i want to feel clean again."

"you arent dirty, yaera. hes the fucking filthy one for putting his hands on you," i hold her face in my hands. shes delicate, like porcelain. her eyes, that are usually so menacing and careless are filled with sadness. "youre perfect. you dont deserve that, dont for a second blame yourself. you're perfect, do you hear me?"

"if im so perfect then why dont you want me?" she whimpers. my blood runs cold. fuck how can she hit me with such a heavy loaded question.

theres no point in lying anymore. this is the last situation where i can lie.

"im scared," i admit. "im scared of you. and this. and everything. ive never had something like this, ive never had someone this close to me. i dont know how to handle it. ive been alone for so long i dont know how to let anyone be near me. i never let myself have anything. i always let go."

"please let me be there," she whispers in a tone i cant refuse. "please dont let me go. let yourself have this. let yourself have me."

my chest hurts. this night isnt going at all how i thought it would. its too much. i dont know what to say to yaera. i find my eyes feeling heavy. she takes my face in her hands again and i know she wants to kiss me. fuck it, this is the worst time. but at this point, there isnt ever a right time.

i go in for it and kiss her first. her lips are soft and velvety, and she melts against mine instantly. we start to lose our softness, with yaera pulling me closer and closer. its like she wants to take all the oxygen out of me. her kiss is hard, like a cry for help, like im all the air she'll ever need.

she breaks the kiss and drags her lips down my neck, making me shudder. yaera makes her way onto my lap and i dont fight it, her legs wrapping around me tightly as her dress rides up her thighs.

the kisses turn hot and i feel my brain losing sense. this wont end here, i know it. i want to stop it. i drag my willpower from the floor to break our kiss and she stares at me, frowning with swollen lips.

"is this really a good time?" i ask seriously. "you're really emotionally vulnerable right now. after what happened tonight, do you really think-"

"san," she interrupts me, pressing another kiss to my lips. "my life has been one big emotional fucked up moment, i want to forget. i want to have this, im so fucking dead inside. i want to feel alive again."

she stops showering me with warm pecks and looks me dead in the eye. "will you give me that?"

i hold her face again. my chest feels warm thinking about how no one sees her like this. her pain. but she trusts me enough. she lets me see it.

"i'll give you whatever you want tonight. i promise."

those words were all she needed. yaera slides her hands over my chest, pushing the suit jacket off. her hands move fast, flicking open every button till my chest is bare.

she presses her lips to mine again, her fingers tugging at my hair. i moan at the pull, surprising myself and her. she breaks the kiss and smiles down at me.

"i could get used to that sound," she teases. something stirs in me. she's so hot.

i move my hands to the back of her dress, finding the zipper. i dont break eye contact, and her smile only grows as the dress starts falling apart on her.

i slowly drag my lips down her neck, and she lets out a shiver. i fight my smile and continue to leave hot, soft kisses down her shoulder, moving down to her barely hidden cleavage. yaera harshly pulls the dress down, having rolls of money fall out and exposing her chest.

***

yaera

san stares at me after my boobs stare at him. there's a dazed look in his eyes that disappears once he lowers his mouth onto my one boob and grabs a hand full of the other.

i throw my head back, lost in a cloud after feeling his warm mouth. he starts sucking and massaging, rolling circles over my nipple. this is heaven. or something close to it definetely.

i feel my thighs tightening, warmth seeping down from my lower stomach. i try to stifle my moans, my mouth just barely gasping. he looks up at me, pausing on his motion. "you dont have to hold back. i told you i'll give you anything you want tonight," he whispers.

i hold his face with both my hands, feeling like i could cum from just staring into his eyes. "i only want you," i admit direly. i'll take anything he gives me. "but rubbing on you would be nice too."

he leans back, making me yearn. "okay, open wider."

hearing those words just makes me hotter. i get up from his lap and completely remove my dress, both of us just ignoring all the money on the floor. san's eyes hang on my every movement. im in nothing but black lace, and i dont waste time in throwing myself on his lap again, legs parted and ready.

he brings his lips to mine again, both softly and yet completely taking them as his own. his hand slips between my thighs, slowly trailing up like hes carressing fragile ceramics. i shiver as he gets closer to me, his hand finally slipping onto the base of me. he drags his thumb down my clothed folds, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

i try to focus on kissing him, dragging my teeth down to his neck. i lose myself when he starts rubbing me with both fingers, feeling that jolt of warmth coursing through me.

my mouth is parted as my face is buried in his neck, pathetic whimpers pumping out of me. san starts going in circles, right in the perfect spot. i do myself the favour and move the fabric to the side, his warm fingers completely melting inside me as he pumps them in and out.

i know im doomed when i hear myself squelching. his rhythm is perfect, not too slow and not too fast, just enough for me to completely feel him and fade cloudily. i feel my high coming, my thighs starting to tense and my grip on him tightening. i start to kiss him frantically, till san keeps pushing his fingers faster. i feel like a hot coil, going and going till before i know it, im dripping all over his fingers.

i collapse onto his lap and he slowly drags them out, and i hear him prop them into mouth. i look at him with an accomplished smile on my face, shaking my head.

"you sick fuck, did you just taste me?"

san shrugs with a small smile on his face. "yeah, can you blame me?"

i cant contain myself, i kiss him again. i dont even feel close to done. "let me do something for you now?" i say against his lips.

"mmm mmm," san shakes his head, gently gripping my waist. "i just want you to feel good. do you?"

i nod. "i feel better than ever. but really, you dont want anything?"

he lets out a heavy sigh. "i didnt want to tell you this, but you feeling things makes me...feel things."

oh he just became ten times hotter.

i realize it now, while sitting so close to him, i can feel his massive boner poking me through his pants. i smirk to myself, getting an idea.

"oh no, you have that look on your face again," san mutters, moving my hair back. "what are you thinking?"

"readjust your friend. so i can sit on him."

san goes quiet, but i can feel him pulsing underneath me. its sensation is sending me into fucking heat all over again.

"i dont think we should go too far," he says. "dont get me wrong, i want to. i really do. but i dont think you're feeling hundred percent...after everything."

my smirk drops. i dont want to think of him. not right now. not while i have san's hands all over me. but i guess its not a good look if i do just jump his bones after everything that happened.

he holds my face in his hands and squeezes after i say nothing. "and dont think its because you're not pretty or anything. seriously, i dont know why you would even say that."

i shrug. my black and white state of thinking has never really helped me.

san picks up a pillow up and tosses it against the wall. "come on, lets fall asleep. we can talk again in the morning."

"okay," i mutter. i dont know what else to say. i get off him and and crawl into his bed. san follows after, his hot skin completely blanketing me as he puts his arm over my body and draws me against him.

"are you gonna act like nothing happened tomorrow again?" i ask.

silence.

"no. stop worrying."

his curt words dont register in my brain, because he places a warm kiss on my shoulder. it doesnt take me long to completely drift to sleep.

***

wooyoung

wooyoung knows he fucked up. he knows its all fucked up, he just doesnt know when he's going to tell san about it.

miss A is looking at him with cold eyes, he cant even utter a word because of the fear inside him. seonghwa is sprawled out on a broken couch, horrific burns all over him. hes barely alive, but he had it in him enough to tell everyone about what went down at the warehouse.

"changbin is dead, you know this right?" miss A tells him.

"yes, ma'am," he utters pathetically.

"so you know what you and lucky have to do."

he knows he cant stay a bitch in this gang for long. he knows its going to get real. petty stuff is all wooyoung is used to. extortion, scamming people. when he watched yunho die, a fear he thought was so far away just flashed infront of his eyes. he knew he'd come to be on the other end someday.

"you find that man...and you bring me his hand. or else, i'll have yours."

***

A/N: pls this chapter was a mess im sorry and it took forever to write , the next will be better 😭😭😭😭

NEXT CHAPTER

tagslist: @yujispinkhair @brown88 @sansonlygf

[alstroemerian-dragon]

izuru is so interesting to me conceptually. like i know in canon he’s kind of nothing unfortunately. at least in game canon, he shows up right at the end, says some eugenics-y shit, voices hajimes intrusive thoughts, and then hes gone, but. the concept of him, as hajime, but with everything that made him Hajime Hinata stripped away and buried under so much conditioning and bullshit that he cant reach it, is so. its SO. yknow.

its the whole argument about what makes us the people we are, right? if you take a person, and then erase literally all the memories they have of their own identity, are they still that person? have you taken away everything that makes them Them and made them a completely different one? how does that change, and pardon the philosophical question, their soul?

and the thing about izuru is that you can not tell me the memory repression was perfect. you can not tell me that hopes peak academy perfected the art of lobotomy so well that they completely erased every speck of hajime hinata that existed inside izuru kamukura. that boy felt what was missing he knew there was a hole the size of the fucking ocean in his head and he felt every centimeter of it. did he care? up for debate. izuru didnt seem to care about anything, really (which… i have some thoughts about his eugenics conditioning by the academy in regards to that but thats maybe another post). but i definitely think given enough time, some of that would have started to come back. maybe even after the events of the first game, when the school was open again, and junko was dead, and izuru was able to actually explore the place he was held and experimented in and look at the files, and discover his old name. something like that would definitely trigger some memory recovery, or at least a moderate breakdown of some kind.

i dont know. people have said before that izuru is kind of an interesting metaphor for depression if you think about it, and theyre right, he is. he doesnt care enough about anything in life, he doesnt care about hygiene, nothing is going to catch and hold his attention because he thinks he knows how everything in the world works so whats the point in even trying? but he isnt just a metaphor. thats who hajime was during that time. now im definitely one of the people who thinks hajime was a pretty depressed kid anyway, unable to fulfill what he thought he needed to be, constantly pressured to be something he wasnt and couldnt be. but izuru was so much worse. they gave that boy fucking. ultimate depression. super high school level depression. i definitely think the only reason izuru didnt ever do anything drastic about how utterly miserable he was is because. a lot of it was background noise to him? his brain was just blocked off so those triggers were unable to fire? and because. to be honest. thats truly so much work. especially with the reflexes and instincts and empowerment the experiments gave him. and junko’s despair was just intriguing enough to keep him moving

its just something i think about. if someone had been willing or able to just. talk to izuru and offer him a hand. understand that he was hurting and that he didnt have to be. that just because there were holes in his identity didnt mean he couldnt create his own pieces to fit into them. i truly think that if he’d had that kind of presence during the tragedy his brain would have unlocked itself. maybe not all the memories would come back, but he’d be able to feel stuff again at least. and thats… something.