#but sometimes i forget about it because i feel like i don't see it much where i am LOL

[elexuscal]

It's been frustrating seeing this discourse ping pong back and forth, because as always I feel like it oscillates and missing nuance.

I saw that one post yesterday that's like, "Shipping ruins your ability to analyze media", "For YOU maybe for me I can do both".

And some in some situations, people absolutely can do both. Whether it's because:

The romance is textually an important part of the story, interwoven into the main themes and plot, and ignoring it entirely would be wild (and frankly bad analysis).

There is a really strong relationship at the heart of the series, and it's NOT canonical romantic/sexual, but the reasoning and context as to why it's not is frankly even more fascinating. (I'm thinking about a lot of shows that use heavy emphasis on queerbaiting, or other works that use queer-coding to get past the censors, or part of the tragedy is these characters Didn't get together, etc.)

Sometimes fandom is just fun! And you can sometimes take off your Analytics hat to put on the Fun Hat and go 'Wouldn't It Be Hot if My Blorbos Made Out'.

The problem of course starts to happen when large groups of fan refuse to take off the Fun Hat and put on the Analytics Hat. Or, worse, forget that the Fun Hat is what it is, and swear up and down it IS the Analytics Hat, and get angry at anyone who implies it isn't.

There's a difference in shipping as: 'i think these two characters are neat together' and shipping as: 'Which two characters I want together is the most important, or only, element of the work that matters'. And like OP says, for well-constructed stories that just... genuinely don't have that much focus on romance... if you're in that second headspace, you're genuinely gonna miss a LOT.

I think there's some medias that you just cannot meaningfully engage with if your main priority is shipping

[tsandoll]

so i have the feeling taesan would be a very loving and caring boyfriend, lots of cuddles, hand holding and kisses but only when you two are alone. i don't think he would be into pda usually and you don't really have a problem with that. but i feel like sometimes he can be a bit too lowkey and straight up forgets to tell people that you're his girlfriend, he just let's them assume.

so i imagine the same thing happens with the rest of bnd. like he is totally sure that he told them about you at some point, but the problem is he totally didn't. so you are hanging out with him, when suddenly the others show up because well they live together and you are thrilled to meet his friends that he had told you so much about, but in return you just get confused expressions and the question of who you are. for a second you contemplate if you should get mad but you know how your boyfriend is and that he wouldn't keep you a secret from his friends on purpose, so when taesan introduces you just by your name and not as his girlfriend you decide to play along and act as if you're just a friend while you are hanging out with the guys.

but as soon as taesan and you are alone it's like something switches. 'so when were you gonna tell your friends that we're together?' you ask him and his eyes go wide, but before he can apologize you laugh a bit to show that you're not really mad, but what you are is determined. you push him down on the bed and straddle him, leaning close to whisper in his ear:"i'm gonna make you regret it."

your mission for the night: let everyone in the entire house hear taesan so that there will be no doubt about who you are. but as taesan is usually not too loud you know you have to give him a very special treatment tonight.

oh, i wanna hear his moans so badly, i just know they sound heavenly and so hot, especially when giving him head, imagine him lying on the bed hair sticking to his forehead looking at you with a fucked-out expression after you've already made him cum and whine when you just keep going, overstimulating him because you love hearing and seeing him like this, so desperate for your touch and not caring anymore about who could hear him because he is too focused on you and the pleasure you are giving him.

and i want to see him face the others in the morning, shyly avoiding their eyes and cheeks burning red because he knows they heard him.

💙

(im so sorry it's taken so long to get to your asks :(( i just always want to give a good response to these so badly so i put it off more and more until i feel like i can do it justice.. sorry nonnie 💔)

there's a certain point he reaches where he can no longer control himself. it wouldn't matter who could hear him,, all that would matter is you an show you're making him feel in that moment. he'd already be so sensitive, so needy for release when you put your mouth on him. your mouth would be so warm and you'd lower onto his length, taking him in the back of your throat so easily. he'd immediately moan out loud, his hips suddenly jutting upward. he'd grip onto whatever he can around him because he has to find some way to ground himself. your head would bob up and down his length, holding his hips in place so he can't squirm away from you. he would be so ruined already, all of his whines would come close to sounding like cries. honestly if you didn't give him a bit of mercy right now he might actually cry. he's getting louder and louder and it's making you smile.. he looks dizzy when you look up at him, like he can't keep himself together. gosh he's gonna be so embarrassed later on when he's not focused on holding his orgasm back. his whole body would be hot, the gentle shudder of his body is only warming him up more. when you pull off of his length to just stroke it for a moment you would be able to see how red his tip is. he needs to cum so so badly so you finally let him. he would let out the most beautiful string of moans when he finally cums, tugging at his hair and thrusting into your mouth gently. he thought the torture was finally over but you'd keep stroking him through it.. stroking him even faster once he's run out of cum for the time being. this is when he'd really lose it, moaning and begging for you to stop, but you don't <3 not until you feel like everyone's heard him well enough!!

[txrully]

toxic till the end

·˚ ༘ ꒱ genre angst

·˚ ༘ ꒱ warnings toxic relationship, emotional abuse, attachment issues, neglect and abandonment, self-doubt, manipulation, codependency

·˚ ༘ ꒱ song inspo toxic till the end - rosé

·˚ ༘ ꒱ a/n never in my life did i think that i'd write down those warnings- but this song was stuck in my head for so long i had to write smth abt it :')

his favorite game is chess, who would ever guess?

you like to reminisce about the times when you played chess together – the concentrated look on his face as his hair covered his eyes. that look would always stay in your head for the remainder of the day after you (horribly) lost your little match as always. there are no hard feelings though, it's all fun and games in the end.

playing with the pieces in my chest

"not now, y/n. i have to do something important." he'd tsk as you removed yourself from the (one-sided) hug. "okay..." you almost mumbled inaudibly. he let out a small sigh and quickly mentioned that he'd make it up to you soon. that's how it always was, after all.

now he's on the screen, saying 'don't leave'

"y/n, don't do this to me—to us. just come back home and we'll talk this out." you read the text over and over. how could you come back? it felt like a never-ending cycle from love to pain. at first, he'd always act like the oh-so-perfect boyfriend you fell in love with. but then it's like a rock hits his head and in the blink of an eye—he acts cold towards you. why should you return to the "love of your life" if he keeps breaking your heart?

you stole that line from me, 'cause you're just jealous and possessive

"who are you talking to?" it was as if he suddenly appeared out of thin air to check the reason why you were laughing so hard. "uhm, just my friends... why?" you'd awkwardly answer. "nothing... let's go for a stroll in the park for now." any thoughts of doubt you had were immediately thrown out the window as you let out a small smile. it's been a long time since you both hung out together, so why not enjoy yourselves?

so manipulating, honestly, impressive

"i recommend you try this one—it's one of our best sellers!" an employee suggested to you. "well, i think you should try this one." your boyfriend handed you another item. in all honesty, you preferred the employee's pick more than his, but... it wouldn't hurt to try it, you supposed. seeing the look on your face, he immediately added, "do you not trust me, love?" your eyes immediately widened a bit. "huh? of course i do! you know what, let's just take your recommendation and leave, yeah?" the poor employee nervously looked between the two of you, unsure if he was intruding or not.

you had me participating

"come on, it wouldn't hurt to try?" he'd chuckle a bit as he saw the nervous look on your face. out of all the things you could do together, it just had to be skateboarding. "but wouldn't it get annoying if i fall?" you hesitantly asked. after all, you've never touched a skateboard in your life. and again and again, he'd tell you, "nonsense. i'm here." he really liked playing with your heartstrings, didn't he?

back then, when i was running out of your place

you like to think of yourself as a patient person. and that meant that between the two of you, you were definitely the more easygoing one in this relationship. although in this moment, it certainly didn't seem like it. "how could you forget our anniversary!?" you were beyond mad—maybe even livid. today marked another year of putting up with... this. he stayed silent. sometimes, you wonder if he ever cared about this day as much as you did since he always seemed to forget it. today seemed like the world had everything against you. from getting up late because the stupid alarm didn't do its job, leading to you falling down the stairs from being in such a hurry, preparing each other's lunch, arriving late to your destination and getting scolded for it, and finally, this? there's only so much a person can take. without uttering a single syllable, you grabbed the keys to your car, avoiding eye contact with the "only one who'd understand you."

i said, 'i never wanna see your face'

i meant, 'i couldn't wait to see it again'

not long after, you found yourself walking in the rain, back to your shared apartment after taking a stroll in the park, all alone. even though you were mad at him, you couldn't really blame him. 'he was always stressed during this time... he probably didn't notice the date then... so it was... my fault?' drenched in cold water, you unlocked the door quietly, noticing a dimly lit candle with a small gift next to it. "you're back." he said while leaning on the bedroom door. it's almost as if he predicted you'd come back at this time. oh right... this always happens. "well, get cleaned up. i'm heading to bed." you left to the bathroom in a hurry. you hated this endless cycle the two of you seemed to have, yet at the same time, you didn't want to leave him. you loved him too much. maybe you can sort things out in the morning? love conquers all... doesn't it?

we were toxic till the end

— rin, sae, kaiser, ness, nagi, reo

© txrully

( do not republish, translate, copy or plagiarize my works )

note. some characters are ooc bc... well i did 6 characters in one ☠️😭

[tarraxahum]

This was gonna be a reply to a reply but I thought maybe I should just make my own post. Yes this is about Vi again.

It's no secret that "Vi should've fought for Zaun" and the expectation of her being Vander's prodigy and feeling like the plot dropped the ball on her in that regard and the betrayal at the fact that she's living comfortably in Piltover now are. Frequent sentiments in the fandom. Which I get, but also I feel that this line of expectations is. Diverging from who Vi actually is by the end and what she was realistically capable of.

Vi in season 2 is basically running on fumes and because she has no other options. It is a well known thing in irl activist spaces that to participate in any kind of fight for justice you need to take care of yourself, otherwise you won't have the energy to be any kind of useful to your community. Ekko also says this - "It's not enough to give people what they need to survive, you have to give them what they need to live". Vi has been surviving and not living in any shape or form for years, she's exhausted and broken in places. That's no mental state to fight for Zaun or make any kinda change. I think it's extremely realistic and human and hardly a flaw of writing or the character if by the end the only thing she was able to do was collapse into the safety and peace she was offered for the first time in forever (aka Caitlyn). It's clear that in her last scene she's still recovering mentally - Cait seems to be excited to have any sign of life (singing) from her at all, and the "Are you still in this fight?" question is very loaded. (But it's indicated that Vi is very much still in the fight, so? It's really anyone's guess what she'll do once she's healed and remembers how to live. And don't bring up LoL's Vi brutality thing, it's clear they're different characters).

I think in wanting to see Vi stand up for Zaun or be Vander's prodigy we often deny her the flaw of being a breakable human and forget just how much she's held together by duct tape. Just because she was full of this 'fuck Piltover' fire as a kid doesn't mean she is still capable of matching that energy. Sometimes after lots of trauma humans grow up into tired adults who just want to sit down and feel safe regardless of where it happens and how questionable it might look (re: living in Piltover). Not to mention, that even as a child Vi's main reason for fuming at the Topside was wanting safety for her family and herself. Well, now she's all out of family, she's estranged from the community of Zaun thanks to being in prison for 7 years and Silco changing the place so much, and the only person who's offering her safety and not more fighting (which she's exhausted and thoroughly burnt out from!) is Caitlyn, so. How is where she ended up any kind of surprising or a failure of her writing/character?

Yes, a lot of people wanted a revolutionary, no, Vi isn't one. Dare I say, never really was one. At her lowest, when she's got no one left to protect, she's not trying to fill in that void by taking on protecting Zaun and becoming a vigilante or something, no, she spirals. That is not something on her radar, that's not something she's visibly cut out to do, she cares so so much but on a smaller scale. Even the whole shimmer factory debacle was less about Zaun and more about her desire to hurt Silco personally for what he'd done to her family. If Jinx agreed to run away with her back at the tea party Vi would ditch the entirety of Zaun (potentially leaving it to Silco forever since he's still alive at that point) in a heartbeat to keep her sister and save Cait in one move. She puts on an enforcer uniform BECAUSE she cares for Jinx (through convincing herself that at the very least she should take her out of her misery herself rather than leaving it to people who don't care, yes) and Cait both.

Perhaps a hot take, but not becoming a leader despite being good at taking hits to the head and caring about people in general and being a daughter of one does not make Vi a badly written character or a bad person. It just makes her a person. And a character whose arc culminated in choosing herself. And choosing yourself sometimes means leaving the fight to others (perhaps temporarily, considering the final dialogue). And that's okay.

Arcane is tragedy about flawed people, not a feel-good story about a successful revolution and rich people paying for their crap, and it was never going to be. Ergo one of our main character isn't an upcoming hero in shining armor who was allegedly robbed of her potential. She's just a broken young woman who barely knows how to keep her own little life together and her biggest victory by the end is allowing herself to take a breath and live for once. Yes, while her home down there is still in shambles. Yes, that sounds selfish. For some people a bit of selfishness is the greatest thing they can ever learn for themselves.

[diaryofageekgirl]

Cross-posting my meta/ranting from the Helluva Boss subreddit. Originally posted June 22, 2024 (here):

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I love both Stolas and Blitzø. I'm super invested in this relationship. Both of them made mistakes, but both of them are also coming from places of trauma and previous fucked up interpersonal relationships. That being said, I don't really feel the need to point out how Blitzø fucked up, because so much of the fandom is so biased towards Stolas that everyone is already well aware of that part of the problem. I'm also very aware of the fact that Stolas has grown significantly as a character, but sometimes people in the audience forget the difference between what WE know, and what the CHARACTERS know. Now that that's out of the way...

Oh my god, THANK YOU. There was one particular line in Apology Tour that stuck out to me, especially because Blitzø's reaction wasn't what I hoped it would be.

Stolas: "I don't look down on you! How many times do I ha- when have I ever?!"

Oh, I don't know dude, maybe the entire first season?!

Episode 1: refers to Blitzø as "my little imp" during the phone call (using his bottom-of-the-hierarchy species as a cute pet name is..... bad. It's bad). Also just fully ignores the fact that Blitzø tells him that it's not a good time, that he doesn't understand what he's saying (more than once!) and clearly just agrees to the deal in order to deal with the more pressing issue of being shot at.

Episode 2: CONSTANTLY flirts with Blitzø using incredibly sexual language throughout the episode, even when Blitzø repeatedly tells him that he doesn't want to be flirted with while he's working. (That's not even going into how he completely ignores Octavia's emotions/reactions to what's going on around her and just focuses on himself and what he thinks is a good idea in the moment. That's two for two on episodes where his stunning lack of self-awareness shines through).

Isn't in episode 3 or 4. Though I will take a second to acknowledge one line in episode 3 - when Blitzø charges into the room and challenges Verosika and her crew, one of the succubi says "Is this little imp boy starting a demon duel?" Yet another example of imps being treated as lesser by other demons.

Episode 5: The constant heavy-handed flirting in public, again, even though Blitzø repeatedly tells him not to, again. On top of that, there's the "itty bitty imps like yourself" comment that he makes to Blitzø while in bed, and not even a minute later, tells him in cutesy UWU baby talk that he's "sowwy his cwients wiw have to wait" - not taking Blitzø or his work seriously. And, of course, we get Striker telling Blitzø that Stolas treats him like a plaything.....

Episode 6: ......aaaaaand the very next episode has Stolas literally calling Blitzø his "impish little plaything". Side note, but I feel like most discussions about Stolitz's dynamic and the imbalance present in it focuses on this line in particular, but not the rest of his behaviour throughout the whole first season. He is constantly making aggressively sexual comments, oftentimes right after being asked or told not to by Blitzø, sometimes after being told more than once.

Episode 7, he's actually fine. Hiding his face when Ozzie singles him out isn't great, but he had just been publicly embarrassed, and if you watch in the background, he does get up from the table (likely about to try to help Blitzø) right at the end of Verosika's bit, before he's interrupted by Asmodeus. And while I'm certain he really did just want to "talk, or watch a movie, or cuddle", I can also see how easy it would be for Blitzø to interpret that as him asking to Netflix and Chill, as it were.

(Also, not a major thing, but having a little plush imp doll as a kid (as seen in S2E1) feels.....really weird, to me? Like I know most posts on SocMed and reactions on YT just see it as cute, and I'm probably reading too much into it, and I know that IRL toy dolls and stuffed dolls of people are a common thing, but just the idea of a prince having a plush doll of a low-class citizen feels really bad. A literal plaything, if you will.)

Season 2, Episode 2: Not much, but even though they had a tiny bit of a fight (if you can even call it that) after Ozzie's, and even though they haven't been communicating super well, and even though he's concerned about finding Octavia, Stolas still finds an opportunity to make a sexual comment towards Blitzø.

Season 2, Episode 4: Ohhhhhhhhhh my god, I never even used to be mad about this, but the way that it got brought up in Apology Tour made me pissed. Stolas now getting upset about Blitzø not coming to rescue him when Striker kidnapped him? Telling him that he "couldn't even be bothered to come help me"? Fuck. Off. With. That. As a father of a daughter himself, you'd think that Stolas would be sympathetic to the fact that Blitzø was trying to help out his own daughter in that scene, especially considering that he had to wait 5 fucking years for a mandatory medical procedure. Of fucking course he's not going to skip out on that! And just the way he responds to that:

Stolas: Oh, ha, ha. Well, I do agree that is very important...But, I-

(and then he's cut off by Striker). I urge anyone and everyone to go rewatch that bit of the episode, because his tone of voice is just so dismissive. Like, "yes, yes, that's nice, now drop everything and come rescue me, which is more important". And that's before he even realizes that he's in serious danger!!!

Like, I'm sorry, but where the fuck does he get off getting mad at Blitzø for "always making it about sex"? Blitzø has only ever reacted to the sexual advances that Stolas was putting out - even from the very first hook-up, Stolas just assumed that Blitzø was there to seduce him, and Blitzø just went along with it as a way to distract him while he stole the book. He agreed to the transactional fucking in episode 1 while he was being shot at and was trying to get Stolas off his back. He's expressed annoyance towards Stolas' sexual advances in episodes 2 and 5 of season 1. And now suddenly it's Blitzø that makes it all about sex?!

And what do you mean, "How many times do I ha-" Have to what, buddy? Tell him that you see him as an equal? You haven't done that yet. Tell him that you love him? You did that whole conversation in pretty much the exact wrong order and shut down when he didn't react like you imagined in your head. Tell him that you think highly of him? You haven't done that. Not directly to him, not where he could hear, not before the end of that argument, right before forcibly teleporting him away from you, which, y'know, just reinforces Blitzø's earlier comment about treating him like one of his butlers, and how he "can't just dismiss [him]."

He may not have ever actively viewed Blitzø as inferior to him, but there's a LOT of internalized classism going on that I'm not sure he's even aware of.

(continued in a later comment):

One thing I'd like to add to all of 👆 that: I mentioned a bit about other people in Hell talking down to imps, but one thing I forgot to talk about is how Stolas himself views imps that aren't Blitzø. Quick list (entirely from memory):

Refers to Millie and Moxxie as "you littler ones" in Loo-Loo Land

Refers to I.M.P. collectively as "you little creatures" in Truth Seekers

The generally condescending and dismissive way he talks to the imps of the Wrath Ring in Harvest Moon Festival - if I'm remembering correctly, he also refers to them as little! Like I get it, he's crazy tall, but we all know that's not the only way to interpret that comment.

3.5 Since Stolas (and a big chunk of the fandom) went ahead and compared Blitzø's comments to Striker's, I'm gonna do the same to him! Those comments are so reminiscent of Striker saying "you little things ain't worth the clean-up" to Moxxie and Millie, also from Harvest Moon Festival.

4. Picking up, forcefully squeezing, and swinging around his imp butler while he was mad during his phone call with Stella in Seeing Stars. I'm not saying that he's abusive towards his staff, or anything like that - just that the very fact that he did it at all seemed to be totally subconscious, which in turn suggests that he doesn't realize how demeaning that is.

5. Actually, now that I think about it - the fact that he's so upset that specifically Blitzø didn't rescue him in Western Energy. The main reason he's alive and not bleeding out in the bottom of a mine shaft is because Millie and Moxxie showed up, and they only knew to go there and help him because Blitzø told them/they were there during the phone call. Like, does he even know their names? Is he even grateful that they helped? We don't know!

I saw someone in another thread say that he was essentially at the equivalent of the "I'm not racist, I don't even see colour!" stage of racism, and I completely agree. He doesn't realize all of these internalized prejudices he has, but they are ABSOLUTELY there.

(comment on another thread, building off of the comments I made about s2e4, originally posted July 7, 2024):

Also, a few other points to build off of this & respond to other comments on this thread:

"But he didn't tell Stolas about the first time, and the Carmine-crafted gun that Striker had that can kill royal demons" - You mean the one that Moxxie took from him and still has in his possession at the end of Harvest Moon Festival? The one that Moxxie was shocked that Striker even managed to get his hands on? Remember, I.M.P. didn't know that Striker was working for anyone; logically, that means they would have assumed that he got the weapon entirely on his own, and something like that is both rare and expensive - imps don't typically "make it big" in Hell, and I can't imagine a powerful Overlord would be thrilled to give a weapon that could kill them to someone so far below them in status. With them taking it from him and keeping it at the end of the episode, it means that they would assume that he's no longer a serious threat. They had no way of knowing he was being bankrolled by a royal, with access to three more angelic weapons (two pistols and a knife) (four if you count the rope as well).

"Stolas: You knew someone was trying to assassinate me?" Uhhhhh, yeah? You were there for Loo-Loo Land, dude, you know that people are trying to assassinate you, like all the time. This isn't news in any way - and yes, Striker is generally more dangerous than any of the assassins that we saw in that episode, it still doesn't change the fact that you're already well aware that being rich and royal puts a target on your back. This is really unfair to get upset with Blitzø for. (I'm aware that this is an argument and sometimes you bring up unfair accusations in arguments and both of them were very heated and I shouldn't have to plaster every comment about this episode and this relationship with disclaimers that I'm not hating anyone, just expressing frustration.)

[joelmillerisapunk]

get to know your moots

ty for the tags loves <3 @probablyreadinsmut @itwasntimethatdidit40 @ace-turned-confused @thundermartini @kedsandtubesocks and @reddedmiller

what's the origin of your blog title?: me being an uncreative basic bitch. but it's fine we are suffering through the consequences of the most uncreative username of all time.

OTP(s) + shipname: me, joel miller AND javier pena <3

favorite color: black and mint green (yes ik its very specific idk really what to say I even have a tattoo that is partially this color lol)

favorite game: rdr2, dreamlight valley, tlou, bg3, mariooooo, zelda, assasins creed

song stuck in your head: hold the line - toto and whatever is on my fic playlist

weirdest habit/trait?: probably a lot but the most annoying as a lot of us have mentioned is assuming no one really likes me. but also doing that thing where you start a task and then see something else that has to be done so by the time you have finished you've begun 50 other tasks

hobbies: video games, reading, writing stories, poems and music, pretending I can bake cute aesthetic things I find on Instagram reels, calligraphy, collecting sea glass and sea shells.

if you work, what's your profession? i worked on a cow farm

if you could have any job you wish what would it be? a sugar baby, someone who lives on a beach, but really anything in music bts or in front or a psychologist but instead I went to school two times for things I did not end up staying with haaaaaa

something you're good at: giving you compliments until you tell me to stfu

something you're bad at: i like this answer so same -> putting myself first, also as it's been said a few times socializing, and flirting

something you love: documentaries ommmg jdkfdakjf <3 <3, downtime when I can have it, also I always forget how much I love the sun until this time of year, hearing a favorite song you haven't heard in a long time, watching stuff with people whether its movies or youtube videos or shows

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: video games, music, joel miller, the octopus lifecycle, Shakespeare, fun bts facts of my favorite movies and tv shows (I could spend days upon days looking up facts about how movies and shows are made and the little details in each of my favorite movies and shows)

something you hate: when its too hot or too cold, when I do that thing and don't buy snacks to be "healthy" and then wish I had a snack and math.

something you collect: i was collecting miniatures until they all got lost in a move, sea shells, coca cola memrobilia, Marilyn Monroe memorabilia, coral, anything vintage, trauma, and wips

something you forget: what don't I forget

what's your love language?: acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch

favorite movie/show: beauty and the beast, most keanu reeves movies as I've been binging them lately, lotr, how to lose a guy in 10 days, donnie darko,

favorite food: potatoes any day, any way, any form

favorite animal: cows, platypus', whales and dolphins

what were you like as a child? the quiet kid who was basically a mute because anxiety sucks and being perceived is frightening - lemme just fade into the floor

favorite subject at school? psychology, english because we could read Shakespeare and really cool books, science, music class, history, french, home ec, woodshop

least favorite subject? math and phys ed cause ya girl ain't a runner but yet they're all like "ohh its not that hard" but bro you're not even doing it

what's your best character trait? why are these questions so hard though? like idk my ability to make people feel comfortable?? i feel weird answering this lol

what's your worst character trait? i guess my inability to put myself first still and my dad jokes and sometimes I get quiet because I have a huge fear of rejection or abandonment

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? that I was on vacation instead of driving around for hours today or sleeping more that'd be great

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? Beethoven, Shakespeare, my grandparents, Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Frida Kahlo, idkkkk

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): there's so many this is rude asking for one so I'll give you two series. recently I read late night texts by @jolapeno and the wolf you feed by @arcanefox207 these series changed my brain chemistry for the best. I could scream on every rooftop in the world about these to every person in the world like please READ THEM!!!

npt: @arcanefox207 @gothcsz @syd-djarin @sunshinehaze1 @sunshineispunk @milla-frenchy @aurorawritestoescape @604to647 @myownwholewildworld @evolnoomym @slimybeth69 @almostfoxglove @lotusbxtch @baronessvonglitter me smooching you all through the phone <3 <3 <3 cause you all deserve every ounce of love and joy in the whole world

[strang3lov3]

get to know your moots!

ty for the tag, @ace-turned-confused!

what's the origin of your blog title?: title or username? strang3lov3 is a depeche mode reference. from their song strangelove lol. but my current blog title says "i'll lay you badly, but i'll lay you gladly" and that's just a quote from roman roy that i like lol

OTP(s) + shipname: mmmmm. bob and linda from bob's burgers.

favorite color: light blue

favorite game: most jackbox games, overcooked, tlou, silent hill 2 remake, unpacking, stray,,,,uhhh what else what else. there's this board game called azul that i really love.

song stuck in your head: okay. party up by dmx but the lyrics are changed to "y'all gonna make me shrink my dink up in here up in here" my fuckin brother in law started singing that when my niece and i did some shrinky dinks on saturday night so. so that's what's marinating in this brain of mine. who up shrinkin they dink rn.

weirdest habit/trait?: i crack like, every fuckin' joint in my body all day long. everything, toes, ankles, knees, hips, fingers, thumbs, wrists, back. it's like a visceral need. i feel Not Right if i have not cracked myself.

hobbies: writing, (attempted) gaming, knitting, drawing, watercolor painting, and spending time with my kitty babies ♡

if you work, what's your profession?: i'm a student! gonna be a high school history teacher one of these days.

if you could have any job you wish what would it be?: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i think i'd just like to not work, like ever.

something you're good at: i am like...concerningly good at hanging paintings and making things level with just my eyeballs.

something you're bad at: being uncomfortable and tolerating pain.

something you love: the lazy river

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: the hierarchy of power between cats in a household. the cat who sits at the highest point of the room sees himself as above everyone else and he will take offense at the notion of being groomed. he is the one who grooms others because he is Top Cat.

something you hate: loudness. being sweaty. tomatoes. avocados.

something you collect: tattoos lol. and perfumes! i don't have the largest collection but i really love getting new perfumes. my most recent purchase is hypnotic poison from dior and i looooove it so much it smells like root beer, which is my favorite pop.

something you forget: to take my birth controllllll. lol. i could never take the pill on time so i switched to the ring, and i'm often late to putting a new one in oopsie

what's your love language?: i'm down to clown with all of the love languages tbh. i am a biiiig mushy love slut deep down. real ones know

favorite movie/show: succession, tlou, bobs burgers, what we do in the shadows, it's always sunny.

favorite food: pad thai, paneer butter masala, and then any combination of carbs + cheese. cheese fries, mac and cheese, breadsticks and cheese, whatever. gimme.

favorite animal: cats and raccoons, which are just like, wilderness cats lol. they're troublesome and i love them.

what were you like as a child?: shy but attention seeking. i am a middle child lol

favorite subject at school?: history + art class.

least favorite subject?: chemistry and physics. those can get fucked

what's your best character trait?: my loving heart, my empathy, my endless patience for animals.

what's your worst character trait?: i kinda...kinda run hot sometimes. and i have a hard time with letting go of anger.

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?: i'd make it just a liiiiiiittle warmer out. it's 6F, feels like -5.

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet?: mmm probably not what the question is asking, but i'd like to go back fuck, 8 years ago now and spend some more time talking to a loved one who passed. our last conversation was him telling me that i could call him at anytime and he'd pick me up from an iffy situation, no questions asked. i'd also like to go back in time and meet my parents and grandparents before they had children

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!) diner by cuntoid ♡ it's a comfort fic to me

npt @cum-a-calla @fridays13th @bitchesuntitled @guiltyasdave @littlepadika-main

@evolnoomym @prettybpdgirl @fawnjaw @angelsanarchy @amanitacowboy

FULL PRESSURE TAG THIS TAG IS THE EQUIVALENT OF ME SPRAYING YOU WITH A PRESSURE WASHER @beefrobeefcal ♡

[rainy19days]

This is exactly what I've been thinking too. He Tian knows that Guan Shan is hurt but it's so typical of him too to hide his own true feelings behind a smile and fake nonchalace. We can see him poking and prodding at Guan Shan to admit he missed him and still has feelings for him. Even when Guan Shan finally snaps at him and says he would've already forgotten about him long ago if he didn't come back He Tian calls his bluff, he knows Guan Shan says it to hurt him, to push him away. But then happy go lucky He Tian is back with his teasing and only when he sees the evidence of Guan Shan keeping him in his memory (with all the hurt proved by the covered face) it's like he wasn't actually ready to be faced with what he kinda asked for. Maybe he expected Guan Shan to just say the words "yeah, I missed you chicken dick" in an angry manner and imagined they would simply make up then and live happily ever after. Little did he know, though, Guan Shan had been mourning their relationship all this time and now He Tian has to deal with the consequences of his absence as well as the severity of the pain it caused. Perhaps also realizing that his unserious attitude hasn't been helping in mending things between them all this time since he came back.

I love how you mentioned that Guan Shan doesn't hate He Tian because I see lots of people being confused or straight up upset about their dynamic in this future timeline, saying how Guan Shan's attitude doesn't make sense and that the two of them haven't made any real progress, therefore it's boring or Old Xian can't decide where they stand.

I don't know if those people ever dealt with relationship problems that are complex and multilayered and breaking up is not an obvious option. Where your heart got broken but you still love the person who hurt you. And sometimes they hurt you unintentionally. And you want to forgive them and deep in your heart you want to spend the rest of your life with them but heartbreak is not just hurt feelings. It's a broken trust. It's a broken self esteem. It breaks you in many different ways. So you love them and don't want them out of your life and you keep them close but certain situations trigger your fears, reminding you why your heart got broken and you suddenly snap at the most random moments, asking yourself if you can go on like this, unable to stop clinging to the past and reminiscing about the time you tried to mend your shattered heart... Wondering if it's possible to ever forgive and you're so ready to push them away cause the pain is too much at times and you wish you could just forget them. But then you remember why you fell in love with them in the first place and they're still the same person you fell in love with, they just made one mistake... So you make an effort to live in the present, you give them another chance, until the past creeps in on you and you snap again...

Healing is never linear. There are better days and worse days. We can't expect Guan Shan to instantly forgive and forget all the hurt even if he hangs out with He Tian and lets himself have some tender moments with the other. I imagine every day is a battle for him, on one hand there's his pride and hurt and maybe wish for He Tian to acknowledge it, on the other there's his undeniable love for He Tian that he can't ignore.

I hope the realization He Tian was hit with is going to make him drop the easygoing act and face Guan Shan seriously with an apology and explanation. I hope that instead of waiting for Guan Shan to admit his feelings He Tian will approach him and validate his feelings first.

this update is devastating for obvious reasons but there's something else I've been thinking about all day

yes, the box is a confirmation that guan shan considered he tian an important person in his life and that he never really moved on after he tian left. that realization is hard-hitting, but my god, there's another underlying component that makes this discovery especially emotional to me

after spending a lifetime in isolation (a deliberate choice for self-preservation btw), he tian now has physical, undeniable evidence that someone cares/cared for him. and not just the idea of him, not the physicality of him (guan shan literally covered his face with tape), but just him and the time they spent together

I imagine this realization must feel like if someone approached you in a quiet and windowless room and said, "there's a bad rainstorm happening outside." you would trust/understand what they're conveying and you'd have an idea of what a 'bad storm' entails. you'd say, "oof, that sucks, hopefully it lets up soon."

but if you actually got up and walked outside and felt the rain pelting your face like bullets and saw trees getting uprooted in the wind and streets flooding with swells of water and roofs getting torn off houses and streetlights shattered and collapsed in the intersections, you'd backpedal and think, "oh shit. I didn't know it was this bad."

that's what I think he tian might be experiencing in those last few panels.

during their school days, guan shan eventually started showing how much he cared about he tian. he tian trusted and understood what guan shan was trying to convey, and he got a taste of what it was like to care for someone and be cared for by someone. he sampled what it’s like to be important to someone, and to be seen by someone in both the dark and the light

but now, years later, opening that (bittersweet) memory box is like the equivalent of walking into the rainstorm. during the entire time he was gone, he tian was hoping that guan shan still remembered/missed him. he knew his absence probably hurt him, but since he wasn’t there to witness the aftermath, he only had an idea of what that hurt looked like. but his hope about guan shan’s feelings wasn't certain and it definitely wasn't verifiable. he tian had an idea of what ‘guan shan cared for me’ and ‘we shared something special’ meant. but, really, he only had memories and his own interpretation of those memories. nothing physical, nothing tangibly conclusive or outright

but now the rain feels like bullets and there’s devastation in knowing that the damage is significant — but somehow there’s also the touching revelation that he tian is lovable and capable of being wanted and missed. it is possible for someone to see the worst sides of him and endure the awful heartbreak he puts them through and still think he’s worth missing/grieving. he risked his self-preservation and the payoff was the best and worst thing that ever happened to him

the box and the layers of torn tape show that guan shan hates what he tian did to him but he doesn’t hate he tian. he kept and memorialized every significant memento in their relationship, even if he did it with some anger or reluctance. this is truly the best-case scenario, yet it’s also a wounding reminder about the time lost and the pain inflicted

at the end of the day, it just hurts

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

hate when i see a youtube video that's like 'analyzing why [thing] is bad!' and you watch the video and they just say nothing for twenty minutes

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[quaranmine]

Hermitcraft has State Law not Federal Law. That solves some of the problems since Hermit Rules are stricter then Minecraft rules like CalEPA is stricter then Fed EPA

-🐘

Ah, that's an interesting idea. Treating the rules of the game like it's the federal law and HEP like it's a state program enforcing tighter rules? That's a perspective I did not think of now, nor at the time!

[meejijis]

People who age up Jeanne just to be the same age as Ren are cowards

[casiavium]

All of these "who has more anything gender!" polls are just. white man without extreme body builder muscles v white man without extreme body builder muscles. The gender is "masculine" stop pretending it's universal

[slimyenemy]

i think it will be really cool if they don't hurt me despite not feeling anything that much for me

[outlying-hyppocrate]

jang keun-suk is attractive in a way that makes me want to bash his face in. annoyingly pretty. if that makes sense.

[aberooski]

I love Taylor. I always have and to some degree I always will. She means too much to me and is such an important figure and source of joy and light in my life when I desperately needed, and a connection to my own father that I need desperately, to deny that I will always look on her fondly to some degree as silly as that may seem sometimes and to some people.

But that doesn't mean I don't/won't/can't be critical of her or be disappointed or disagree with choices she makes or has made, because I absolutely have been and I absolutely am.

My problem is that I always, with every fiber of my being, look for and try to see the best in people and believe in people until I absolutely can't anymore. Unless it's something truly reprehensible and irredeemable, my brain simply cannot comprehend the idea that one bad decision or mistake trust me I know she's made more than one lately can automatically invalidate or negate anything and everything good a person has ever done. I've genuinely tried to understand it and unfortunately, I can't wrap my head around the concept. I give grace to a fault. I get sad when I see things said about her in a negative light even when I completely understand and even agree, because I have so much love for her in my heart. It's that tride and true naive, blind optimism in me I guess.

But I do not in any way think she's a perfect person, I know she isn't, because nobody is. Some are just better at hiding that than others. She makes mistakes, she's wrong sometimes, she is a human being who messes up. Sometimes in big ways. And unfortunately she's messed up a few times over the last year or so and that makes me sad. It disappoints me because I love her so much, and I do want and expect better of her. And in the process of that, it makes me very sad that I feel like I have to hide the facet of myself that does still love her despite my disappointment in her or risk making people upset with me now because I'm so afraid of upsetting people. I'm terrified of doing or saying the wrong things I try so hard to do the best I can every day and it's disappointing to see her slip up. It's sad. It makes me very sad.

It's a complicated time to love her right now. I hope, in my heart of hearts, I sincerely hope that sooner rather than later it won't have to be that way anymore. Not just for me, but for all of us who feel that complexity or conflict of emotions.